#make up your damn mind I'm tired of the constant change in how you're gonna exploit us and deem us worthless

[fuzziemutt]

How are we having "lowest in a decade" unemployment rates yet literally over half of who I know, and even myself, for a very long time literally have been unable to find jobs.

Like. How are these equating because last I checked no motherfucker is hiring out here despite the signs

[seacottons]

—ateez as boyfriends [ domestic au ]

notes: swearing. suggestive dialogue. fluff. i blame a certain someone for this, not gonna say who. @kireiwoo

— hongjoong

very caring and attentive towards you

so much so, that even his friends have complained how it isn't fair he doesn't scold you like the way he does to them

he enjoys many activities with you, such as

helping him dye his hair an ungodly color every other month

he'll insist you try experimenting with your own tresses

but you only have the courage to dye the very ends of your strands

"i don't think i can pull off that color as well as you do," you'd say.

"that's a load of bull. you'll suit every hair color."

you'll just roll your eyes playfully at his biased behavior.

other activities include getting tiny matching tattoos together.

the tiny flower and butterfly on your wrists was most likely your favorite due to its simplicity in design and the meaning behind it as well.

spontaneous dates are his favorite.

behind closed doors, he loves to constantly shower you with pecks and smooches.

often gets teased by his friends from how whipped he is for you.

randomly books vacations for you two to relax and unwind every so often.

although he enjoys it, he is a big, tired baby when it comes to traveling

always wanting to lean his head against your shoulder

or cuddling you close for warmth due to the airport's air conditioners blasting frigid air.

has written many songs about you

and when he's finally ready, he'll not only ask you to listen to them, but to also spend the rest of your life with him and share his last name as well.

— seonghwa

constant pet names

"darling."

"the sun to my stars."

"the moon to my sun."

"love of my life."

you like to call him mars, mostly.

but he revels when you call him 'twinkle eyes' for some reason.

has a habit of pulling you into his lap.

you'll subconsciously play with the strands of his hair as he does so, him being too distracted bickering with his friends to realize sometimes.

will always give you pleading looks whenever wooyoung or san tease him.

sometimes, you walk in to find wooyoung settling onto your boyfriend's back while he greedily devours the bowl of popcorn entirely by himself.

or other times when both wooyoung and san constrict his limbs with their arms whenever you're near.

"y/n can't save you now, so cut the whining."

you'll only sigh and shake your head in amusement.

"what are you guys doing to my poor boyfriend?"

"he changed the movie we were watching without our permission!"

"because i have no damn clue what's going on, and harry potter is too confusing!"

coffee dates.

loves to sleep with you tucked against his chest.

always has an arm draped around your frame.

butterfly kisses on your neck.

soft touches against the small of your back and waist.

his favorite pastime with you would be stargazing.

"baby, look. it's me, mars-io," he'd say whilst pointing up to the large, bright star in the night sky.

when it's too cloudy outside, or when the weather isn't forgiving, he'll turn on the indoor star projector he bought so the two of you can stargaze in the comfort of your own bed.

— yunho

is the epitome of romantic.

is constantly smothering you in love and affection.

always has heart eyes and admiration in his eyes at whatever small task you do or say.

rant about an ancient dynasty?

heart eyes.

bombard him with useless information about a certain abandoned island.

heart eyes.

gush about the new cute bakery that recently opened up?

heart eyes.

if you had a money jar for every time he says 'i love you', you'd have enough money to buy a plane ticket or two.

always willing to drop everything to help you with whatever it is you need.

will wake up in the middle of the night when you text him to ask if he's awake or not.

willingly stays up to keep you company.

but sometimes, when he's too tired, he'll knock out accidentally and profusely apologize to you in the morning.

very supportive of your life choices.

hates seeing you cry because it makes him want to bawl his eyes out as well.

his hugs are bone-crushing.

but he is a gentle giant nonetheless.

likes to attempt to bake pastries with you.

half of the time, the goods either turn out undercooked or burnt.

"they have love in them, that's all that matters."

will always insist that you can rant to him about anything and everything.

you've never felt so valued in your life before meeting him.

is the most understanding human being you've ever gotten the pleasure of knowing.

"i wish we were vampires," he says one day.

you give him an amused look, lips outstretched into a smile, "why, silly?"

"so we can spend an eternity together."

— yeosang

his heart flutters when you notice the smallest things he does.

it makes him feel appreciated and acknowledged.

like when he changes up his hairstyle or earrings.

or when he wears a new sweater.

a big, big softie when it comes to you.

can and will want to spend all day in your arms on his days off.

quick witted and has a knack for noticing the tiniest detail.

very shy and awkward at first.

but when he gets more comfortable as time passes on, you won't be safe from his snarky little comments anymore.

will constantly bring up the thing you said or did months ago to prove a point.

"oh, you like this flavor? three months ago you told me it tasted like vomit."

"remember that time you woke up in a rush to get to work thinking you were late, only for me to drag you back inside because it was three in the fucking morning?"

you stop mid-chew and peer up from your plate of rice.

"your point, yeosang?"

"oh, nothing this time. i just wanted to tease you."

is the type to have a mid-life crisis when you can't decide on a restaurant.

"but i don't want to eat at the chicken place again," you'll whine.

"it's been thirty minutes, and you still haven't decided what you want!"

"you're rushing me!"

"y/n! just pick!"

loves to cuddle with you, especially in the colder months.

wraps a blanket around your frame and tugs you in closer against his chest.

pretends not to understand your jokes just to spite and tease you.

loves when you cling onto him.

his favorite pastime with you would be just walking around together at night and trying out different types of street food.

or even visiting any of the local beaches for a relaxing walk together.

— san

persistently keen about whenever you feel upset or down.

he reads you better than any open book.

sometimes, it scares you, but you appreciate how he's always so eagle-eyed about your behavior.

loves to hug your head.

you allow wooyoung to crash some of your dates with san sometimes.

other times, san will whine and tell him to go find his own date.

"if y/n accepted you as a boyfriend, then you should've disclosed that i'm part of the deal as well. buy one get one free."

"as what exactly?"

"the hot, clingy best friend."

will take numerous duck-faced selfies of himself because you think they're cute.

often times, he'll ask you to mirror his expression, only for him to press his lips against yours a second before his phone snaps the picture.

likes when you kiss his dimple.

"y/n! it looks like a crater from the amount of times you've kissed it."

he likes to tease you.

a lot.

touchy.

very touchy.

always has an arm around you.

rests his chin against your shoulders.

playfully smacks your rear when you're sassy with him.

or leans in to hold your jaw whilst whispering teasing words into your ear that has you becoming docile and bothered in mere seconds.

has you wrapped around his finger as much as you have him wrapped around your own.

likes to have weekly picnics with you at the park and admires all the dogs running about.

"i should bring byeol next week. maybe she'll like to play fetch too."

"i don't think that's a good idea.."

you often find him fast asleep holding onto a plushie for dear life whenever you're away.

you'll pull it away from his arms, causing him to stir awake groggily.

he'll stare in confusion as you throw the plushie aside, before pulling you in tighter as you wriggle into his arms.

"you're softer than shiber," he'll mumble sleepily against the crown of your head.

— mingi

mingi is sometimes self-conscious around the public eye and others, but when it comes to you, those layers of fear and insecurity get stripped away instantly.

doesn't mind being vulnerable with you.

he craves affection, adores it even, but is insecure about not being able to return it well enough for his liking.

likes when you give him attention.

easily gets jealous when someone else grabs your interest.

reassuring him 24/7.

"yes, mingi. you're the love of my life."

kissing his pouting lips for good measure.

the smallest of gestures has him a blushing mess.

even holding hands in public.

when he's not being a sentimental sap, he'll like teasing you lovingly.

"wow, you have this many photos of me in your phone?"

you'll scrutinize him in confusion.

"are you that obsessed with me, y/n?"

"mingi! you told me to take half of those photos of you!"

"oh, right. i forgot."

a silence weighs down onto the two of you.

"but would you have taken them if i never asked you to?"

constantly laughs about the things you say, although you don't think you're that funny.

always seeks your approval subconsciously.

will always shield you from the rain, playfully yelling at the droplets sometimes.

"you can't make y/n wet! only i can!"

"mingi! we are in public!"

wanted to go strawberry picking because he saw a celebrity try it out on instagram live.

accidentally steps on many berries though.

"it's okay, they'll just make another plant. i did them a favor."

brags about you like no tomorrow.

even for the tiniest, minuscule thing.

"oh, i've already tried the brand of ice cream. y/n always buys that for me."

"i don't need to pay all this money for a measly slice of cake. y/n's cakes are much better."

"no, wooyoung. i'm not jealous of your new shoes." he'll lightly pinch the boy's side, "y/n and i have already bought ourselves matching pairs."

"you two are so fucking cheesy, it hurts."

when he's not bragging about you, he's boasting about himself.

but if that's what helps him raise his confidence levels up, you'll gladly sit down hours on end listening to how he has more 'swag' and 'charisma' than all of his older friends combined.

— wooyoung

teases you like his life depends on it.

says you can't get enough of him, when in reality it's the other way around.

but you let him believe whatever he wants.

but deep down he just really gets satisfied with himself if he raises your mood and makes you smile.

especially when you're not having a great day.

uses way too many emojis when texting you.

"wooyoung, why am i saved as as 'clingy bug' on your contacts?"

he'll squawk indignantly and laugh awkwardly for a second.

"who told you this lie!?"

"seonghwa?"

always wants to show off your love in front of his friends.

"no, i don't want my early birthday gift now. wait until the others show up, and do it front of them."

"but why?"

"so everyone can see how much you love me. can you also cry for good measure?"

"absolutely not."

he enjoys the dates you have in his apartment the most.

the ones where he cooks for you and asks for your help, only for him to pester you about over-seasoning or undersalting something.

"okay, fine! we'll just order take out if it tastes that bad," you pout, flinging a small piece of onion on his face.

his head instantly snaps back to eye you judgingly, fist gripping the poor spatula.

"over my dead body."

"so, y/n. how does my plating look?"

"it's beautiful, wooyoung. you've outdone y-"

"what else is beautiful?" he demands, face leaning over the table to give you a knowing grin.

you shove a piece of meat and rice into his mouth, shrugging nonchalantly.

"me."

he deflates at your answer, spluttering pieces of rice onto your face.

"jung wooyoung, you slob!"

— jongho

is the type of boyfriend to stop you in the middle of the road to tie your shoe for you.

very charming and goofy in his own way.

takes pride in himself and his abilities to cater to your every whim and need.

even when you don't ask for his help.

aggressively opens jars for you when you struggle to pry them open.

"no one messes with my y/n."

"you're fussing at a jar of pickled radish, baby."

the type to cling close to you in public in fear of any of the bicyclists or pedestrians bumping into you and harming you in any way.

sometimes acts like you're made of glass.

while it's endearing occasionally, it is a bit suffocating at other times.

doesn't believe you when you say you're tough and don't need protection.

very selfless and willing to help you with anything you need.

never one to shy away from social gatherings with his friends, always pulling you along with him despite you being shy and clingy most of the night.

also a big tease.

when you help him hold down his legs for sit ups, he asks for a smooch.

pulls away from you when you try to kiss him.

and will laugh at your pouting face as he urges you to try once more.

"stop moving, i just want to kiss you!"

after numerous tries, he finally allows you ( you truly think you over-powered him though ) to kiss his cheeks or lips.

he then proceeds to squawk loudly in retaliation and playful disgust.

although he loves teasing you, when the game is flipped the other way, he'll be a shy mess of embarrassment.

"i don't mumble your name in my sleep."

"you always do, silly."

tucked underneath his macho exterior, you know he's prone to criticism and takes it to heart much more than he likes to show and admit.

so, whenever you get the chance, you always fulfill his need to be appreciated, loved, and taken care of.

is utterly and extremely protective of you.

"who just whistled at you?" he grumbles, "i'll break their jaw like an apple, you know i will."

[bakubro0]

Eng!Version of "Complete me - Shigaraki" from an anon ask. The PT-BR version is right here.

Complete me - Shigaraki

pairing: shigaraki tomura x reader warnings/tags: not sfw, minors dni, degradation, swearing, sub/dom, unprotected sex, cream pie, oral (f. reciving), slight exibicionism

The reflection in the large mirror in the living room caught your attention.

Shigaraki's long, pale hair shines in the yellow light. Sometimes you looked like yin and yang itself - but not in the way most people might think or expect. You completed each other divinely.

Your hands ran over Shigaraki's back, delicate fingertips against the bones of his spine to the shoulder blades, wandering in the beginnings of his strong shoulders. In response to your touch, his pale skin prickled and he lifted a hand, covered by one of those dark gloves that covered two of his fingers, brushing back white pale hair to give you access to his thick skin, covered in scars.

And that's how you made each other complete - with your soft touch, full of reverence and care for the brutal and reckless way of his being.

“What are you looking at there?” Shigaraki asked hoarsely, the harsh tone fading when he spoke to you.

“Nothing” you reply and kiss his shoulders. “You look tired. Had a rough day?”

His red eyes strayed from the mirror and he let out an annoyed sound.

"Those damn heroes," Shigaraki grumbled. “Always on my fucking way like worms…”

“No need to think about it now” you whisper.

Shigaraki turns to you, dark eyes measuring your face. Of course he doesn't need to think about that - you're right in front of him, your expression sweet, ready to satisfy whatever he wants.

‘Cause that's how you complete each other.

“I've had a pretty stressful day,” he says once more, leaning even closer, ending the distance. “I hope you don't mind if I use you to relax a bit”

You shake your head as you feel a shiver run down your legs. One of his hands travels down your body, slowly, taking advantage of every curve - from your hips, waist, ribs and breasts - to your neck.

Shigaraki is grateful for a few things, but being able to touch you is definitely one of them. He loves the feel of your skin against his callused and scarred hands - how he can destroy anything with those hands, but you trust your life on them. He loves the way you sigh as you feel his fingers that aren't covered by the gloves wrap around one of your nipples, squeezing the sensitive tip between his thumb and forefinger.

He melts at the sound of your low moan and the way you let your head fall back, your mouth opening slightly, letting his name escape.

“Say it again” he commands, a cocky smirk on his face.

“Shigaraki” you repeat the name that sounds like candy in your mouth. “Please…”

“Please what?” he questions. His hands in no hurry to leave your breasts and go up to your face. His thumb circles your bottom lip and he smiles when you open your mouth a little wider, hoping he'll let you suck on the fingers that are there. “You really a cheap slut, aren't ya? Offering yourself like this..”

You agree, eager for any contact from his hands. He smiles, so cruel and so delighted with the way you are. How you surrender completely.

And he gives you exactly what you ask for, lets his fingers be wrapped around your tongue, settling into your mouth, remembering for the thousandth time what your mouth feels like on his body. And suddenly he can't wait any longer. His free hand goes to your neck, closing around it, pushing you against the wall.

Shigaraki's fingers leave your mouth as he replaces them with his own tongue, so much desire it's almost a clumsy kiss. Dry lips are rough against your soft ones, but you like it.

When his tongue invades your mouth and curls against yours, the sensation is too good to process. Feeling his hands pulling your clothes, ripping out the thin dress you wore, tossing it anywhere and opening the door with violence, you're still too distracted by the kiss to question what he's doing.

Shigaraki's hands gripped your legs and you just took a slight leap, wrapping your legs around his hips. He immediately crossed the distance to the room's exit, but seemed to change his mind halfway through. Shigaraki leans him at the long league of villains conference table.

He lays you there, almost completely naked, exposed to him.

“You have to lock the door!” you protest when the heavy hands reach your panties.

Shigaraki raises an eyebrow. It's the only sign he does before tearing the thin fabric between his thick fingers. Your eyes widened and he let a cruel smile escape before he lowered his face towards your body.

You try to protest once more, your mouth even opens with words on the tip of your tongue to try to convince him to close and lock the door, but all that is lost when his tongue licks a slow, precise way through your legs - from your soaking hole to the swollen clit.

A soft moan escapes your mouth, legs trembling with the sensation.

"Ah," he exclaims, almost a laugh as he sucks on your clit. “Are you moaning like that for everyone out the room hear what a slut you are?”

Your head swings from side to side, but it's impossible to form words as he continues to suck on you like he's starving. Two fingers are easily pushed inside and the movements are slow, teasing and leaving you on the verge of an orgasm that he denies, pulling his face away from you, licking his own lips, enjoying your taste.

“What did you say about closing the door?” he mocks and lets his own thumb replace the work his mouth was doing before, circular movements on your little clit. “Something about closing…?”

“Y-yes” you try to say, sobs of pure pleasure at the constant movement of his fingers against the most sensitive spot inside you.

"Doesn't look convincing," he rambled and leaned his body to press his mouth against your breast, sucking unceremoniously. The sensation combined with the constant stimulation in your clit made your back arch, that almost heavy, warm feeling on your core growing stronger, covering you entirely like a wave. “You want everyone out there to hear how you moan when you come in my fingers, don't you?”

In response, feeling the way he rubs his thumb against the sensitive spot between your legs, you shiver a few times. Your orgasm is getting closer and closer when Shigaraki pushes his pants down and his fingers leave you for just a few seconds.

Before you can even protest that he's stopped, he thrusts his length inside you, making your orgasm hit you flawlessly. You try to contain your moans, but he doesn't stop. The uncovered fingers are again against your clit, circular and perfect movements as his hips crash into yours, fucking you so hard that it doesn't take long for you to feel another orgasm approaching.

It's too much, you wanna say. But it's not, it's never too much of him. The way he pulls your body close or the calloused hands squeeze you so hard they're sure will leave marks, none of that is never enough.

White flashes start to show in your vision when all you feel is Shigaraki. All around you, above you, inside you— grasping your legs and pulling them to his shoulders and reaching deeper and deeper.

"P-please," you say, choking on a moan, trying to take a deep breath and not cry out in pleasure, but it's getting harder and that seems to be exactly his goal. "G-gonna come again."

“What are you waiting for, hm? A whore like you who likes to be fucked for everyone to hear should be satisfied now” he teases, but the movement of his hips is getting more precise and deeper. “I want you to come on my cock. That's what you're going to do, isn't it?”

“Y-yes sir” you cry and pull him in for a kiss. It’s a sloppy one, far from the best it could be. But it's perfect in the way he grips your body and pushes his own length deeper, harder, making you come a second time, your eyes rolling and your fingertips, normally so careful, burying against Shigaraki's back.

He feels the way you whimper beneath him, how your walls are clamping on his cock while you're almost convulsing from feeling so much pleasure; that made a heavy growl leave his mouth and he held onto your neck tightly.

And you know he's also close ‘cause you know him like the back of your hand.

“I'm going to ruin that pretty little pussy you have” he growls before rolling or hips again, making you moan louder. “And you're going to walk out that door and greet everyone outside while my cum runs down your legs. You’ll do it, won't you?”

Your eyes are rolling as he talks. It's no secret that Shigaraki is a pervert and it always makes you feel turned on, more and more. Seeing you shyly nod, your cheeks turning red at the thought, he smiles.

"Exactly like the slut you are," he says before he comes, a husky growl escaping his lips as you can feel his cock throbbing inside you.

It only took a few seconds and he takes a deep breath, the smile spreading across his face. Shigaraki pulls something out of his pants pocket, which he still wore.

A pink pantie.

"Where do you…" you started to say but stopped when he pulled his own pants up and hiked the panties up your legs, fitting them with ease to your body.

He raised an eyebrow and when he smiled at you, your face was completely red.

-Put on your dress and go say hello to our allies, dear.

[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (11)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

“A future without you is a world without color.”

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, ANGST, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

SERIES:  CHAPTER 10 | CHAPTER 12

"You don't have to pay me, Guk."

 Jeongguk shook his head instantly. Yoongi was being absurd. How could he not pay his older friend?

 "I know you have the money, but I can't just take ten thousand dollars from you, hyung." The younger boy pouted his lips.

Yoongi should know by now that Jeongguk hated owing people something.

 Debt of gratitude sucked. It couldn't be paid. Ever. Jeongguk didn't want that. He hated sleeping at night thinking that someone out there could manipulate his feelings—this was how he perceived debt of gratitude: a manipulation. It was because he felt like he was bound please the person who helped him. It was as though he needed to act in accordance to the likes of said person.

 "Fine." Yoongi shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't care about any of this. "Pay me whenever you want,"

 Jeongguk snorted as your voice echoed inside his head. If you were here, you would tell Yoongi that he couldn't just tell his debtor to pay him whenever he wanted. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

 Civil obligations like this one was only enforceable for ten years. If Jeongguk couldn't pay within the said period, the obligation would then become a natural one—something that would only be paid out of conscience.

 Jeongguk shook his head. Why was he thinking about the stupid law? Why couldn't he stop imagining your pretty smile as you talked about certain provisions? Why was he hesitating to accept his hyung's money?

 And most importantly, why didn't he want to leave you now?

 Your soulmate loaned thousands of dollars from Yoongi just so he could pay the down payment for the apartment that he wanted buy. He promised himself that he would terminate the lease of contract with you after four months. He just couldn't live with you anymore.

 You were supposed to be temporary in his life; however, with the way you were invading his mind even though you weren't around, Jeongguk realized that you were his constant.

 You were the only person who could tolerate his bratty attitude. You were the only person who couldn't get mad at him. You were the only person who made him feel special and needy—Jeon Jeongguk needed your attention so much that he felt like had to run.

 He didn't know when it started, especially because he believed he was not over Red yet.

 Red.

 Was Red the reason why Jeongguk wanted to leave you?

 This was what you thought while clutching the paper on your chest.

 It hurt, but as usual you had to pretend like you were okay.

 "Your parents are back in their hotel," said by Jeongguk the moment he entered your apartment.

 He was back from the thirty-minute drive.

 Your parents were scheduled to fly to Jeju Island tomorrow morning.

 "That's good." You discreetly wiped your tears away, trying so hard to make your tone sound enthusiastic. 

 Your back was facing him since you were afraid to let him see you crying.

 You didn't want to pester Jeongguk regarding his plan to leave. You felt like he wouldn't appreciate the drama you would obviously bring.

  Jeongguk didn't deserve drama—not when it was clear that he was exhausted. He took care of you these past weeks. The only thing you could do was to give him a damn break even if it meant sleepless night as questions like 'why am I not enough?' clouded your mind.

 "Thanks, Jeongguk. Goodnight!" You hastily added, refusing to look at him as you made your way to your room.

 "Wait," he stopped you like the way he did earlier today. This time, however, he stopped you by breaking your heart even more.

 "C-Can I sleep in your room tonight?" Jeongguk swallowed the lump in his throat; his heart was beating so fast.

 You flinched.

 How dare he ask something so insensitive?

 "Why?" Your lips trembled as you finally found the courage to look at him. It was a wrong move, though. You couldn't do it. You couldn't look at him without tears filling your eyes.

 Looking at Jeon Jeongguk made you realize what you could never have: him.

 You were grateful he's averting your gaze. Jeongguk couldn't meet your eyes as well. He was embarrassed and afraid. What if you rejected him? He didn't have any reason to cuddle with you tonight. Jimin was right. Your parents were the solution to help you get back on your feet. It was as though they had some kind of power. You didn't look like you needed your soulmate to make you feel better anymore. 

 You were back to your old self.

 Sadly Jeongguk had no idea that you were just pretending. He didn't know that you were forced to be okay once again. He wasn't even aware that he was one of the reasons why you're acting like everything was fine.

 "I just want to make sure you're alright," his voice was barely audible.

 Jeon Jeongguk was a liar. The truth was you weren't the only one getting used to cuddling with each other. Jeongguk was also craving to embrace you—to listen to your controlled breathing and raging heartbeat.

 "Really?" You suddenly huffed, causing Jeongguk to flick his gaze at you.

 Your soulmate was a good liar, you were not.

 There's a point where pain was too much to handle.

 Jeongguk was staring at you with puzzled expression. His mouth went agape upon seeing the tears streaming down your face.

 "You want to make sure I'm okay so you can finally leave?"

 "What?" He furrowed his brow, clearly not understanding the words you just said. How could he focus on anything when all he could see was your tears?

 Jeongguk wanted to wipe your stupid tears, but you weren't letting him.

 You took three steps backwards when he tried to reach for your face.

 Anger, frustration, and pain. All of these are visible in your eyes. Your thoughts were poisoning your mind—making you imagine what you thought Jeongguk felt.

 "You...called my parents b'cause you're t-tired of me, right?" You slurred.

 You wanted to run to your room since you knew you couldn't stop speaking your thoughts anymore. This wasn't right. You told yourself you weren't going to make this hard for your soulmate, so why couldn't he do the same thing for you?

 Why was he cornering you? Why couldn't he just go away? 

 And why couldn't you stop the venom in your words?

 "You don't want to deal with me anymore. You want to leave but you're guilty. You feel like you are responsible for my pain," this must be it. You kept thinking what triggered his sudden change of behavior. It couldn't be because he finally realized that he liked you too.

 No. That couldn't be right. The only plausible explanation for this was because of the guilt he felt. He only started to act like he cared when you told him that he hurt you too.

 "That's not true..." But Jeongguk was quick to dismiss the negative thoughts inside your head.

 You inhaled deeply. Fresh tears stained your cheeks.

 "What's the truth, then?" You picked up the paper that would prove his intention to leave.

 It was too late to stop now. You were already acting pathetic in front of him. 

 "Why didn't you tell me you bought an apartment?" You continued to ask despite knowing the reason.

 You didn't. You were imagining things. What you think was different from what Jeongguk felt. Admittedly, his eyes widened. He wasn't expecting you to confront him about this. Hell. You weren't even supposed to find out this way.

 Jeongguk was planning to simply sign the contract to terminate your lease agreement with him, leave your apartment in the middle of the night and never come back.

 Guess he couldn't do it now, huh?

 "I-I," he trailed off instantly. How could he explain this to you when he himself didn't know why he wanted to leave?

 Jeongguk wished it was easy to face his emotions. He identified them, but he still didn't know what to do—not even after spending weeks cuddling with you.

 He needed to be alone, he needed to figure out what he felt and what this all meant to him on his own.

 "Is it me, Gukkie?" You sobbed and your soulmate's heart clenched.

 Your back was against the wall, Jeongguk was standing so close to you to the point that he could literally see the tears forming in your eyes.

 It broke him more.

 "Did I cross the line? Am I being too pushy? Annoying? Hard do deal with?"

 Jeongguk could only bite his bottom lip.

 You proceeded to list the things your former maids despised about you.

 "Is Miri too much too handle? Am I picky with the food? Is it hard to wake me up in the morning?"

 Jeongguk avoided your eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

 You noticed that he couldn't speak. Why? Was it difficult to admit the truth?

 "Or am I not buying you enough things?"

 The conflicted boy shook his head vigorously. You did not understand anything.

 "Do you need a new laptop? New clothes? Art materials?" You sounded so desperate. "Tell me, Gukkie. I'll do anything you want."

 "I don't need you to do anything." He said coldly as he moved away from you.

 Pain attacked your chest when you saw indifference dancing in his face.

 "You're still leaving me?" You quivered in fear. You were really pathetic. You said to yourself that you wanted him to go away, but the thought of him actually leaving made your stomach turn upside down.

 "Yes."

 It felt like an arrow shot you in the heart.

 How could he not stutter? Was he really decided to leave you?

 Jeongguk saw how his answer affected you, so he immediately defended himself.

 "I mean it's about right. I told you I'm gonna stay here for a few months. It's over now. I don't want to be your tenant anymore."

 "But why!" You whined. This wasn't fair! How could he decide without consulting you first? This was a reciprocal obligation. You deserved to know his reasons.

 Jeongguk scowled. He wanted to leave now. It was getting unbearable to see you cry—it was as though his chest was going to explode.

 "Do I really need a reason?" His frown deepened. "Can't I just leave because I don't want to be with you anymore?" A lie.

 "You're lying." You refused to believe him even if you knew he was telling the truth. This wasn't you. You weren't like this. It was unlike of you to keep pushing Jeongguk. You teased him all the time, but you didn't mean to make him uncomfortable. His happiness was your top priority.

 You swore you just wanted to know the truth. You deserved a reasonable explanation. He couldn't just say he didn't want to be with you. If he couldn't love you, then he should at least be able to respect you like a normal person.

 "Why would I lie—"

 "Because I'm your soulmate!" You cut him off. Your emotions were overflowing.

 Why couldn't you just let him go?

 "And I love you, Jeongguk." You cried. The table had turned. Just a few breaths ago, he was the one begging to touch you. Right now, however, it was you who was desperately trying to latch on him.

 Jeongguk pushed your hand away. He couldn't have you touching him. It would only make it harder for him to leave.

 "I love you so please don't leave me—"

 "You don't." He cut you off, flinching so hard because of how much he hated your confession. He felt like he was gonna puke.

 "I do, Guk. I love you—"

 "No!" Jeongguk insisted otherwise. He was being stubborn and it was irritating you.

 Who did he think he was to tell you what you felt?

 "You don't love me, okay!? You are wrong in all of this!" He took a step back. He was acting as if your touch was going to burn him.

 "You are delusional. Too caught up with the idea of soulmate that you failed to see the truth!"

 Jeongguk was shaking in frustration. He hated that he had to be mean just to make you understand things—similar to what Red did.

 "I can see the truth! I know the truth!" You carried on.

 He was the one being blinded here, not you.

 "You're just ignoring the signs, Jeongguk. The universe wants us to be together!"

 This wasn't a coincidence. You couldn't be wrong—not when he could see colors because of the love you felt for him.

 But he used this against you.

 "I am not your soulmate." His jaw clenched. "Your eyes can tell."

 You stopped breathing.

 "Your eyes tell." He repeated.

 Your mouth felt dry.

 It felt like you had been stabbed straight in the heart.

 If he was your soulmate, if he ever loved you—or cared, you would see colors by now.

 But no.

 You still see in black and white.

 Your eyes would not lie because Jeon Jeongguk was right....

 Your Eyes Tell.

[zeroone-eleven]

If only you were here; Hwang Yeji (ITZY)

--------------------------------------------------

Summary: Yeji was the leader, she couldn't afford to be seen being anything less than perfect for the role. No crying, being sad, or feeling any kind of negativity. But she's only human, and being human means letting your emotions run through you.

Requested? ☒

"Miles away from seeing you."

--------------------٩(◕‿◕｡)۶--------------------

She was exhausted. Today's schedule was nothing but hectic, from interviews to filming for music videos. All Yeji had wanted to do was be with her girlfriend, to have her take away the stress, to run her fingers through her hair, to hold her like doing so was the only thing keeping her together. But with Y/N visiting her hometown? The best she could do was a facetime.

She loved her job, her members, and their MIDZYs. She really does. But sometimes the high life takes more from you than it gives. Lately her girls have been facing prejudiced hate from a bunch of ruthless people online. Lia was being branded as "Lazy" and it made the leader's blood boil, among all five of them Lia was the one who spends the most time in the practice room, especially when she has trouble with some of the choreography. She remembers a memory of theirs that included Lia almost passing out of exhaustion in the practice room, Yeji herself wasn't enough to pull the pale and sluggish girl out of there. If Yuna's maturity and hidden stern-ness hadn't reared their heads then she has no doubt that Lia would've ended up in a hospital bed.

Chaeryeong is under fire for "Being Ugly" and all Yeji could do was scoff at the stupidity of the false accusation. Despite Yeji being Y/N's girlfriend, Chaeryeong was the latter's bias. This information had her shocked, Chaeryeong smug, and worst of all: It gave Ryujin a field day. Which resulted in getting the other three members in on teasing her. "Anyone who catches Y/N's eye is fucking beautiful" she mutters to herself. Not to toot her own horn but Y/N has an eye not only for gorgeous looking people, most times those she ends up liking are great people with great personalities. Your ex, Ahn Hyejin of Mamamoo is a damn great example of that.

Another one of her members under fire is Yuna, the baby of their new little family. Knets had a field day when it was found out that the Maknae wasn't originally planned to become a part of ITZY. Jumping on the chance to poke at the youngest's insecurity, thry took to saying that she wasn't good enough to be with them, much less have debuted at all. That's bullshit, and she won't leave room for argument. Yuna is the glue that holds them together, the friend that they can't imagine not having even when they've been a group for less than a year. She stands up to Yeji without being disrespectful when the leader is being too strict or controlling. She pulls Lia out of her workaholic state whenever it starts to become detrimental instead of beneficial. She is the one carrying Ryujin's ass whenever the latter thinks her dad jokes are funny. She's the one to calm Chaeryeong down backstage whenever the latter is feeling nervous, anxious or on the verge of a breakdown.

Ryujin's a reliable friend through and through, but if the fate of the world was decided by the rapper's ability to tell a funny joke? Yeji bets that they all would've died ages ago, she's better at joking around with actions than she is with words. Which leads to some people labeling some of Ryujin's actions as "Bullying". Yeji admits to herself that, yes. To the untrained eye it does seem as if Ryujin's the type, she has the face of a villain when she wants to look intimidating after all. But the rapper is also the softest person she has ever known in her life, testified by the one time they had a pillow fight in the dorm. In the heat of the moment, Ryujin's slipper got thrown and it knocked a Lizard dead off their wall. The pillow fight abruptly ended with four members trying to make her feel less guilty over the critter's untimely death.

Lia interjected that had the moment been captured on camera, some MIDZYs would be making a meme of how they'd like to be that "Lucky" lizard. Ryujin cried harder, because the lizard was not at all "Lucky" in her opinion.

--------------------------------------------------

Yeji was so lost in her own thoughts and so fatigued that she didn't even realize that she had finished changing from her performance outfit to the clothes she wore before clocking in for work. It was only when she had closed the door to her dorm room did she realize how tired she actually was. She was thankful she had been given her own room instead of bunking with someone else again, she's not too sure she could make it up in a bunk bed if she was still roommates with someone.

She crashes onto the bed and pulls out her phone. Most days she would get some shut eye and just facetime her girlfriend in the morning, but at the moment she thinks she'll end up in a mental ward if she goes another second without hearing her Y/N speak. So despite the fact that she can't feel her legs anymore and that her eyelids are growing heavier by the second, she calls.

Ring

Ring

Ring

--------------------------------------------------

Ring

Ring

Ring

You're pulled from the coziest and most comfortable sleep you've fallen into for the night by a constant ringing. You rub your eyes and turn towards your nightstand where your phone is located. "Who in their right fucking mind would be calling at this hour?" You grab your phone and the caller photo snaps you out of your mood before you even see the caller's name.

You hurriedly turn on your lamp on the nightstand and then proceeded to hit answer. "YEJ- whoa, not that I'm unhappy to see you but you look like you should be asleep instead. You look tired as hell Yej. Did you eat yet? How about water? Please stay away from dehydration and be sure to drink regularly." Yeji smiles at you, with her eyes drooping every now and then. "Yeah, I should be asleep but I just missed you so much I couldn't sleep without seeing you first."

You sit up and lean against the head board instead of laying down, your worry increasing tenfold. "What's wrong?" Yeji knows how to prioritize her health first and she never calls you half asleep because she had always claimed that you deserved nothing less than her full attention. She never calls you half asleep unless she's alarmingly close to losing her composure. Her eyes widen as soon as the question leaves your mouth, and a sniffle makes its way through the line. She burried her face in her arm and struggles with wanting to tell you and wanting to fake being strong with you.

You sense the dilemma within your girl and you refuse to let her carry this alone. "Hey, I'd never force you to spill. But I am always gonna be here to listen to your troubles. I already know how strong you are, you've got nothing more to prove. Let it out and I'll be here to support you." Yeji's resolve crumbles and she cries as she tells you everything that's been weighing her down today. She cries because of the unfairness of it all, she cries about how she can't protect her girls, she cries about how she wants nothing more than to wrap them up in a hug and not let go until they're all better but the girls just like their leader want to seem strong and untouchable for each other.

Yeji cries about how she wishes she was with you instead of working, she cries about how guilty she feels for sometimes wishing that they never had to go through the unfairness that the idol life had to offer, she cries about how she feels like she's disappointing the MIDZYs for feeling as she feels. She cries because it's just the start of their journey and she's already so tired. She cries because it's the only way she knows how to get rid of the stress, even if it's just a temporary solution.

What hurts you the most is that she doesn't look at you as she says this. You're a MIDZY after being Yeji's girlfriend and it you don't miss the way she chokes up even more when she said she feels like she's disappointing the fandom. You let your girlfriend let it all out before taking a moment to pull yourself together, and then you speak.

"I can't and I won't tell you that I understand how you feel as an Idol because I'm not one. But as a MIDZY, I can and I will tell you that you were born to be the leader of ITZY, no one else could step up to that role as well as you do even if they tried. Tell the girls I told you to let the haters run their mouths, because we MIDZYs know that each and every one of you brings something special to the table. ITZY isn't ITZY if it doesn't have Hwang Yeji, Choi Jisu, Shin Ryujin, Lee Chaeryeong and Shin Yuna as the members. You girls are a fucking unit and you are all strong enough to knock those bitches speechless."

You stare at Yeji the whole time and notice that although her body has stopped shaking, her tears are still making their way down her cheeks. You take in every detail of her face and wish with everything within you that you were there with her to wipe her tears and hold her close. In your opinion, words aren't enough but you suppose due to the distance between you two that you've gotta work with what you have at the moment. Right now all you have are feelings and words.

"Now as your girlfriend." Yeji's head adjusts enough that you could see half of her face, but the other half still remains buried in her arm. "I'm telling you that you can never disappoint me." She chuckles in humor before turning her gaze away from her phone. "You don't know that, I'm not perfect-"

"I never said you were."

Silence sits between the two of you. Not once in your whole relationship had you intentionally interrupted Yeji when she was speaking, you strongly believed that everyone deserved a chance to speak their piece. But that had exceptions. Such as now. "I never said you were perfect, because you're not. You're human and you have your flaws but believe me when I say that you could never disappoint me, despite the fact that humans weren't designed to be perfect you still work on yourself everyday trying to polish all the rough edges, trying to better yourself not for anyone or anything but yourself because you really want to be better than you were in the past. How could I be disappointed in someone as noble as that?"

You notice that she's now actively fighting to keep her eyes open and you smile. "You okay for now?" She nods and you continue. "Then go to sleep, God knows you both need and deserve a good night's rest. I'll call you back tomorrow when you wake up, so you can tell me about everything else your sleep addled brain forgot to tell me tonight."

Yeji uncovers the other half of her face and eyes stare at her screen that shows your face, now more than ever she wishes she was there with you, to thank you and hold you for everything you've said and for the way you've calmed her down. She promises herself that once you meet back up in person, she'll make it up to you. But for now words will have to do.

"Thank you Y/N. I love you."

Your smile grows wider and Yeji swears she's ready to make a fool out of herself just to ensure that that smile never fades away from your face. You take your a moment to memorize the candid details of Yeji's face before replying. "I love you too Yeji. Good night." Both of you wave goodbye and as heavy of an action it was, you take the initiative to end the call because you know that if you left it up to your girlfriend she would never hit that End Call button.

--------------------------------------------------

Yeji places her phone on the nightstand by her bed.

Y/N lies back down properly on the bed.

The two stare straight ahead of them, eyes unfocused.

They take a deep breath before closing their eyes, ignoring the need that courses through their hearts.

"I'll be with her soon enough."

--------------------٩(◕‿◕｡)۶--------------------

A/N: I think this is the longest fic I've written on this app? Why the hell is there too little ITZY content on this app? it feels like drought istg 😭😭

[springwritess]

mr.cook | sanji vinsmoke

anime: one piece

word count: long, but not as long as zoro’s

note: im going to write mini fics for each strawhat (including my boy jimbe hopefully) which is gonna be a zombie apocalypse au. not all of them will be romantic bc some characters are hard to write romantically. i doubt you’d really fall for someone you just met right? anyway either luffy or usopp is gonna be next.

tags: zombie apocalypse, sanji fluff, cooking, hunger, dehydration, sanji being the dork he is, recruitment (sorta)

****

The hunger was ever-present; from dawn to dusk it gnawed at you. Food was your constant obsession. You couldn't look at an animal or plant and wonder if it was edible. You didn't care if the food was tasty, just as long as it could make the stomach pains go away for awhile.

You sat there still, like an elderly person. You started to wonder whether you were going to die from starvation or from the zombies. You were too tired to move, or do anything really. You ran out of water and there was no fresh water source. It was only time for your death to approach. You couldn't even sleep either, because sleeping meant a chance for zombies to attack and devour you alive.

You were in the middle of the forest. You were camping in there after being driven out of your home. You took what you could find and left the city as fast as possible. You needed to get away from people as much as possible. Staying alive was horrible, you ran out of the food you stole from the city. You didn't possess the abilities or tools to be able to hunt or cook animals. You were such a shifty cook that you didn’t know how to make fucking tea. You couldn't stay there forever however. You needed to get off the island soon. Your stomach rumbled again.

First however, you needed food.

There was a crunch of leaves and twigs behind you. Each footstep crackled. There was someone coming. You dove behind a tree that was close by. You grabbed a large stick. It wasn't much of a weapon, but it was enough to try and knock the person out to steal their food. You closed your eyes and waited for them to draw near. Each step felt like a ripple in the ground.

You jumped out behind the tree and lunged forward. It was a blonde-haired man who was idly walking by. You attempted to land a strike across his cheek, but he jumped back. You tried again, but he dodged it. He was fast on his feet.

“What's going on?" He asked as he continued to dodge all of your attacks. "I don't want to fight a women."

"Give...me your food!" You growled as your grip tightened on the stick.

You lurched forward again and landed a blow across his left cheek. The man fell to the ground. He didn't get up after that. You ripped the bag off his shoulders and shifted through it. Your pupils dilated.

"No..." You said with a hint of panic in your voice.

You went through it again, this time your hands were fumbling. Your fingers jumped rhythmically, as if in a spasm. Your bowels suddenly churned. Please let there be food in there, you prayed. This couldn't happen...not now. Your heart was in your mouth. You couldn't speak.

“No! No! No!" This time you said it much louder, "please...I just need food."

Your heard some shifting and then a grunt come from behind you. Blood drained from your face as you turned your head around. The man was getting up. He took a cigarette box and a lighter from his breast pocket. He lit a cigarette and placed it in his mouth.

You grabbed the stick and gripped your two hands on it. You held it up in the air in front of you. You glared at him.

"S-stay...a-away or I'll hurt you!" You warned. Your hands were shaking as you fumbled on your words.

He took a breath and smoke floated up into the sky. "I'm not going to hurt you. You're hungry right? I'll make you something. I'll never let someone stay hungry."

You felt your stomach grumble again. "Liar! Y-you're going to kill me!"

He gave you a grin. “I'll never hurt a women. That's what a shitty old men taught me."

Your stomach rumbled again, this time loud enough for him to hear it. You fell to the ground and clutched your stomach. It felt as if someone pierced your stomach with a sword. "It hurts....I'm going to die."

He ran over to you. You didn't have the energy to run away. "Shit...you're malnourished and dehydrated. Is there no fresh water source here?"

You didn't have the energy to answer him, so you simply shook your head. He picked you up with his arms and started to run through the forest. You had no energy to protest or push him off. You were barely conscious at this point too, as the trees were starting to become a blur too.

After what seemed like forever, you started to smell cologne mixed with the smell of cigarettes. Your eyes fluttered open. You were still in the forest, but instead in a part that wasn’t covered in trees. There were no creatures around. The light from the sun hit your skin. Your eyes shifted to the side. You were laying on a black jacket. Ah so that’s where the smell was coming from.

You sat up. Your throat was extremely dry too. Your stomach was still hurting, but you ignored the pain. You looked around and the man was nowhere to be seen. You weren’t in any mood to talk to him anyway.

Your lips were cracked from dehydration. Your hair was matted with dirt and your clothes were were smeared with grass stains and dirt. You looked terrible. You needed a shower and some fresh clothes. You felt the bottom of your lip quiver. Will this be your new life? You no longer had the same luxuries you used to have. You took them for granted, and you only realized how lucky you were when they were gone.

You laid back down and turned to the side. You couldn’t afford to cry, because that would just make you even more dehydrated. Drowsiness overtook you. You closed your eyes and eventually fell asleep.

***

You were greeted with a sweet, savoury aroma that wafted through the air as you started to wake up again. The smell mixed in with the fragrance trees and grass. Your stomach clenched with hunger at the thought of devouring whatever food that was creating the smell.

You sat up and saw the blonde man making stew using ingredients from the forest, plants and animals you’ve seen before. He somehow was able to find bowls to give pour your stew in. You stated at him for awhile, transfixed by his ability to cut various vegetables and plants. He was so swift with his fingers.

He removed the cigarette from his mouth and exhaled the soft tendrils of smoke. His gaze shifted to you. The man gave you a smile.

“I’m so glad you’re awake.” He said softly. He came cover with a bowl of water. “I’m glad I had utensils and bowls in my bag. The water is still hot too because I boiled it. Please be careful.”

You moved the bowl of water around. The water swished back and forth. There was steam floating from it. It was definitely still hot. You sniffed the bowl of water. There didn’t seem to be any poison. Immediately after examining it, you guzzled down the water within mere seconds. You ignored your throbbing lips and your throat which felt like it was on fire. You sighed in relief. It was nice.

He finally handed you a bowl of stew. Taking in the sweet aroma, your stomach rumbled again. Every part of you wanted to lurch forward and devour the bowl. You couldn’t however. It didn’t feel right. You clenched your fists.

You spoke up. “I don’t understand.”

The man raised his eyebrows. “You don’t understand what?”

“Why are you doing this for me?” You asked again. This time with your voice shaking. “Why are you helping a complete stranger? I don’t know your name. I don’t know where you’re from or who you are. I..I don’t have any money if that’s what you want.”

He took the cigarette out of his mouth and breathed out. “My name is Sanji. I’m a cook on a ship. I already told you. It’s because I can never ignore someone is hungry. I don’t need money from you, so you can eat up. Besides....”

“Besides what?”

He gave you a smile. “Your cute face is enough of a payment for me.”

You rolled your eyes but felt a smile creep up onto your face. “Thank you Sanji.”

You ate your food in silence. You quickly finished it in mere minutes, but you were too embarrassed to ask for more. Much to your surprise, Sanji took your bowl and filled it up to the top. He handed it to you. He lit up another cigarette and sat next to you silently. Your cheeks flushed up in embarrassment.

You cleared your throat. “Aren’t you going to eat to. I’m fine really...”

Sanji shook his head. “I’m fine. I ate before I came to this island. I also have a few questions about it, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“Oh sure. Also I didn’t introduce myself yet. My name is (f/n). I worked as a mechanic in my mother’s shop. It was apart of the family business.” You rubbed the back of your head sheepishly. “I’m not the greatest cook, so you saved my life. Thank you so much. I’ll help you with anything you need.” You said. You gave him an awkward smile.

“What’s happening on this island? The city I was just in, it was a wreck. Did something happen? I was also attacked by a group of people. I need answers. I was separated from my crew too, so I also need a map.”

The smile from your face immediately vanished. You managed to forget about everything that happened for awhile, but the reality didn’t change.

“A group of pirates brought this virus to the island. Their crewmate was dumped here. He was rushed to the hospital.” You explained. “He survived, but the virus seemed to induce range and the need for human meat. He bit the nurse that was treating him and she started to act the same. I’m not sure, but I think the virus probably travels through saliva.”

“They’re like zombies, but still alive?” He chucked. “They aren’t as smart as the ones on Thriller Bark.”

You cocked your head in confusion. “What? You aren’t scared?”

Sanji shook his head. “I have a damn skeleton who can walk, talk, eat and even take a shit on my ship. There’s nothing that surprises me anymore.”

Your eyes narrowed. You weren’t sure if he was joking or not. The Grandline is full of surprises, so anything could happen. Speaking of which, why was this man traveling on the Grandline? Is his boat a restaurant ship that floats around by any chance.

“What kind of ship do you work on..?”

“A pirate ship.”

Your stomach dropped. Of course. He’s a pirate. You felt anger churn deep within you. A pirate was the one who destroyed this island. You tried your best to ignore it. He did save your life. Perhaps he wasn’t like the others.

“What about you? Why are you here in the forest? Where’s your mom?” He asked.

You were silent for a moment. “She died three years ago. After she passed, I took over the business. My shop is probably rubble right now.”

“That’s a shame. Do you want to go take a look to see if there’s anything left? There must be something.” He asked.

You shook your head and chuckled. “It’s whatever I guess. I gotta get used to how I’m living now.” You got up from where you were sitting. “Also, I should have a map in my bag. Let me go check.”

You got up and went to grab your bag. There were mostly essentials: empty water bottle, first aid kit, a change of clothes. You let out a grunt. There was no map in sight.

“Sorry about the map. I don’t seem to have any.” You rubbed the back of your head sheepishly.

“It’s fine.” Sanji stood up and stretched. “We should get going then.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Going where?”

“To your home of course. Seeing it might give you a sense of relief. You’ll never regret not taking the chance to see if there was anything there.” He replied. He lit another cigarette into his mouth.

You were at a loss for words. “I...”

“Hmm?”

You shook your head. “I can’t go.”

“Why not?”

“Even if I do get a sense of closure from seeing my home, where would I go?” You bit the bottom of your lip to stop from crying and took a deep breath, “I have nobody left. I don’t have a ship nor do I have the skills to travel to another island. I also don’t trust you. You’re a pirate. What if you try to hurt me?”

The tears splashed forth and trickled down your cheeks. The thought of your home in rubble and the memories of your mother came flooding into your head all at once. You tried to quickly wiped your tears away, but they kept coming.

“Shit I’m crying. I’m sorry about that.” You chuckled.

Sanji gave you a smile. “It’s okay to cry. Everyone cries. I also won’t lay a finger on you.” He looked up into the sky. “Regarding your future, it’s up to you. You can do whatever you want. I won’t try to stop you (f/n).”

Hearing him call you by your name caught you off guard. You got up. “Let’s get going then Sanji.”

[kawaiisushi-nibbles]

"You're very silly. You know that?" Su giggled, nuzzling herself in her wolf's arms.

They lay on the bed, in Jay's apartment, happily in each other's embrace.  The white doe had quickly come over that morning to surprise her wolf, and it made him filled with joy at the sight of her.  

They sat on the bed and talked, something they had wanted to do for weeks since both were busy on their parts. But today, Su had taken the day off for a break as Jay had a day off too so that they could spend more time together.

"Hey? Aren't you tired?" Su asked, turning her face to look at Jay, giving a smile.

"No, baby girl. I don't feel tired. I'm quite happy actually."

"Oh. Well, I thought you would be since you've been running in my mind all day."  She gave an innocent smile, as she waited for her wolf's response.

Jay's face deadpanned for a few minutes before he started snickering. "You're such a dork, Su!"

"Am not!" The white rabbit laughed and buried her face in his shirt.

They both chuckled, settling into a calm state. Jay put a paw on his bunny's hips, rubbing his thumb over it lightly. He watched her close her eyes, a warmth in his eyes, and snuggle to his side. They remained like that for a few moments, in peaceful silence, before Jay spoke up, "Hey... Do you want to change anything about me?"

Su looked up at him, quite puzzled. "Umm. No. Why would you ask that, love?"

Jay shook his head and gave a warm smile, kissing her small head. "Just a passing thought, princess."

The honey-eyed bunny gave a confused look before she shrugged and settled back into her position.

"I do want to change something about you though..."

Jay looked down to see his bunny look up at him in a slight shock and worry. He gave a knowing smile and put a paw on her small lips before she could say a word. He leaned down to her ears and softly whispered "Your last name..."

Su's ears perked up as she saw her wolf slowly move away from her, giving a smile, both severe and soft at the same time. She quickly gave a light laugh. "You know, when you say a pickup line, it should be told fast and spontaneously, right?"

Jay just nodded as he got up and he sat in front of her, not moving his eyes from the doe, as she slowly stopped laughing. Her face slowly turned into that of realisation, as he saw her big eyes search for any hints of amusement on his face.

She brought her paws slowly to her mouth in a small gasp. "You're serious?..."

Jay gave a relieved sigh, he didn't know he was holding. He slowly picked Su up in one arm and set her on the edge of the bed, as he got down on his knee in front of her.

The bunny's mouth gaped in disbelief, as the Arctic wolf held and kissed her paws, his kiss lingering on them before he looked up at her.

"Beloved...  We've been together for close to two years now... And we've gone through so much together...  And each and everyday, I feel like you help me become a better man. Better than I ever was...  You've been through all that I've thrown at you... My past, my mistakes, my constant worrying you. You've never once backed out. You neither doubted me nor push me away. We're so different and yet you make it seem like there isn't anything to worry about us. You're unlike anyone I've ever met in my life. Dorky, smart, kind, loving and most of all, God damn gorgeous... So beautiful... I couldn't take my eyes off of you when we met.. And I first thought to myself, 'Why would a girl like her, like a guy like me?' And you don't take that every single time. Every single time! Even though I don't feel that handsome, you treat me like I'm the only handsome wolf in the world. Isn't that right?"

Jay saw his bunny turn redder and redder as he kept on going. He smiled and took a deep breath.

"What I'm trying to say is... Su?..."

He pulled out a small box with one hand and opened it, showing it to her. "Will you marry me?... Will you become mine?... So that I can never lose what we have...? I can't live without you, love. I just can't... Will you become my bride?"

There was silence in the room for a long moment. Jay slowly gave a nervous look and looked down, thoughts racing in his mind. Was this too fast? Why won't she say anything?... He heard a small sniffle from the bunny and looked up to see tears running down her cheek.

"No..." She said, wiping a tear, as she tried to hold back a laugh. "I can't ever imagine being with someone as dorky and silly as you. Plus, I can't even begin with our height. No way am I marrying you!"

Jay's heart began to race, with realisation, as his own tears started to flow down his cheeks.  

"Love?? Why are you crying! I'm sorry! I want to marry you! I meant yes by th -!"  

Su quickly found herself enveloped by a pair of warm arms, and heard a cheerful laugh. She smiled and hugged her wolf tightly, sighing. He brought his forehead to touch hers, as he wiped her tears gazing into her mesmerising eyes... He gave her a soft kiss, holding her tiny body against his chest.

They let go gently, a gentle, loving smile on each face. Jay sat on his knees as he took the ring from its box and slipped it on his now fiancee's finger. It was a white gold ring with a polished cut diamond in the middle, and small diamonds engraved into the band.  He kissed her hands and nuzzled her head. "You nearly gave me a fright. I was wondering if all this was too fast."

Su pulled her wolf for a soft kiss. "What did you think I would say? No? Pfft! You don't know me at all then. Who else am I gonna beat at Halo?"

Jay chuckled as he picked her up and placed her on the pillows and his head on her chest. The doe perked up, giving a smirk. "I'm very interested at the thought of our wedding now, you know?"

"Oh? Why is that, cutie?" Jay asked, his paws slowly rubbing her hips.

"I just can't stop imagining how you'll look on that day. A tux would look good on you. It would also look perfect on the floor later, don't you think?"

Jay smirked as he got on all fours and rubbed his cheek lightly with his bunny's, whispering to her. "Do you have to wait so long just for that? We could do it now if you like."

Su slowly put her paws on his chest, pushing the shirt up. She gave a smug grin. "Why don't we then?"

Jay gave a smirk and growled in her ear as he bit her neck lightly, causing a moan from his bunny. He's going to to get more all day. 💕

Happy birthday, my Prince!! *i give you a big hug!* @nexijay I love you so much beloved and I thank Allah everyday for you being born, beloved. 💕💕 For if not with you, who would I spend the rest of this life with? 😋😘

This was a surprise request from me to Gloria @soranii314 who willingly agreed to make this without any payment. (Gloria, once again you're too kind.. 😢😢 Thank you so much! 😭) I wanted her to recreate a moment that we both wish to have soon. 💕💕 Honestly, this did happen but very differently. 😅 Don't you remember, beloved? 😂 @nexijay

But yes.. He did ask me to marry him and he has a ring for me which I'm waiting for him to slip it onto my fingers to become his one day.. 😌😌

I love you so so much, my Prince. You're the heart and joy of my world and I couldn't possibly live without you or your love. I love you too much to be without you, beloved. And when the chance comes to be yours, I will never leave you.. 💕💍💕

For now, take it easy, enjoy your day and make it as memorable as you can. 💕

[matthillica]

Pandemic - Day 355

This week marks 1 year since Covid was declared a Pandemic in the US.

As things began to shut down and the world changed before our eyes last March, I picked up this blog again thinking it would be interesting to document. At the time, although we hadn't told anyone yet, my wife was three months pregnant with our second child. My daughter was about to turn two. What better way, I thought, to show my kids what Covid was like than to document the pandemic's course as we muddled our way through daily uncertainty.

What I hadn't counted on was the duration and depth of the pandemic. I figured we'd be locked down in quarantine for three months, tops… maybe six if things were handled poorly. 

As the novelty of Covid and prepping pantries and Covid memes began to wear off, we learned more about how Covid is actually transmitted. That meant aspects of our lives went back to normal while other abnormal aspects became second nature. Fear subsided, somewhat. I no longer stressed as much about grocery store trips. We still wear masks everywhere, but aren't afraid of Covid lurking behind every corner. For the most part, we understand that by taking a few simple steps, we can protect ourselves and our family from this disease.

Then in May came George Floyd, which took a world already turned on its head and lit a fire underneath it. A summer of protests against police brutality followed, then the politicization of masks, racial tension, and the most heated election cycle in my memory, all capped off by a coup attempt… the year we found ourselves living through became about so much more than just a pandemic.

The overwhelming was soon mired in disinformation and propaganda and the overwhelming-ness of it all became too overwhelming to even care about documenting, even for posterity.

I quit updating. Who gave a shit anyway? Certainly not me. I had bigger fish to fry than documenting the slow motion train wreck. I shared pics from my Instagram when I felt like it. I helped my Mom move from Kansas to Atlanta and then we packed up and moved to a new house ourselves. This was a welcome distraction from the horrible world, but Covid never really leaves your consciousness. It's always there, especially in weird, unexpected moments. This guy is trying to talk to me and he's getting too close but I don't want to offend him. I just filled up with gas and I'm all out of hand sanitizer, so I drive home reminding myself not to touch my face for the entire 15 minute ride. Mom wants to go to the salon, but I’m worried about exposure because my wife and her father are both high risk and I’m afraid to offend her by saying something. You're always thinking about it. How could you not? Covid is always there, always forcing you to adjust your life and habits around it.

With over 500,000 dead at this point in the US alone, the story of our little pandemic lives seemed so miniscule and, quite frankly, blessed. Sure, we'd lost income due to my unemployment, but our family managed to stay healthy (so far) and happy and together. We had it so much better than so many.

But then I have days like today where small things just rip me apart.

I got my car stuck in the mud in our backyard trying to unload a toolbox in our basement the other day and now I can't get it out of the goddamn grass. It's now sat there for three days while I waited for the ground to dry out so I could try again. I decided this morning to try and get it out by laying a cardboard path of old moving boxes. It was a massive failure that only succeeded in creating more muddy ruts, my car even more stuck now than it was this morning.

I sat in my driver's seat this morning… yelling at my stupid tires and two-wheel-drive, pounding on the steering wheel; the weight of all these little thoughts and worries crashing in around me. My daughter's entire second year was spent inside a fucking house. My son is already getting his first teeth and has only met six people. My hands have been cracked and bleeding for 12 months from constant hand washing. I haven't had a haircut in a year. I haven't seen some of my closest friends in over a year. I have a niece in Las Vegas who I was supposed to meet in March 2020 when she was four months old… now she's walking and talking. My friend lost her uncle and father to Covid in the same month. My other friend has been suffering with Covid for almost two months. My brother caught Covid in September shadowing home inspections to become a certified inspector because MGM’s shows were all closed. I haven't seen my father in a year and he’s 71 and lives by himself. The last time we were together (a year ago this week) he helped me buy a handgun for protection. Political division, social unrest, and America's tenuous grip on democracy. What kind of world did I just bring children into? Are we gonna make it?

I know there is light, but there are days when it still feels pretty damn dark.

And I guess that's where I'm at, mentally speaking. Exhausted. Sad. Grateful. So incredibly grateful. Even when the exhaustion takes over and guts me, I remind myself to be grateful. I'm grateful that the pandemic hasn't been worse for us as it has for so many others. I'm grateful that I've been able to cobble together an income off freelance work. I'm grateful that my kids are happy and healthy, not to mention too young to remember any of this shit once it's over. I’m grateful that I've learned to cook. I'm grateful that my wife and I still love each other. I'm grateful for family who have helped us navigate being working parents without daycare. I'm grateful that my parents and my wife's parents have been vaccinated. I'm grateful that now an end is in sight. When that end will be for us, I'm still not sure, but at least we know it's coming. And for that, I am grateful.

Now we brace for a return to "normalcy", whatever that means… and however long it takes. A regular topic of conversation in my house is what the first restaurant we eat inside will be. Or what vacation we'll take first. These all still feel very aspirational to me, but at least we're aspiring, I guess. In my mind, I'm ready to burst out of my unfinished basement office and folding table desk to tackle the world again. I'm ready to dive into another marketing department somewhere, go see a concert in the front row, take my kid to the aquarium so she can see the fish she only remembers from pictures. In my mind, I'm ready for all of these things and telling myself that attitude is everything.

But in my heart I know that it will probably be a long time before I can eat comfortably at a restaurant again, stand next to a stranger on a train, or sit in an airplane with other passengers without it doing a number on my head. In my heart I know that the first time I experience live music again, go to a museum, watch my child take in the majesty of a real shark, or feel the hug of a friend I've only seen over Zoom for 12+ months, I will be reduced to a puddle. And that's OK. I expect there are many, many others who feel exactly the same way and will be going through the same thing.

Still, if there's one thing the last year has taught me, it's that the abyss of the unknown is crossable and I'm ready to cross it, for better or for worse.  

[curovogel]

Theoretically, critically examining myself can lead to self improvement. In reality, sometimes I really fucking hate myself for everything I've done (and not done). I guess there's a difference between introspection for development vs beating yourself up for every little thing, but it's pretty fucking elusive because I can't seem to move away from the latter. I don't expect a reply, I just wanted you to know I admire that you're working on your mental health. I'm trying to too.

Everything’s better in theory.

I set my alarm on two of my phones to that cowboy yelling meme, set the volume To BLAST Super Loudly so I’d be startled out of bed, and you can imagine the rest.

Seriously, under the cut:

I’m gonna reply to this anyways, even if it took me a while, because I feel like you don’t send in an ask if there’s no reason to reply. You could have sent something like, “I admire that you’re working on your mental health. I’m trying to too.” and that was it and I would have been like, yeeehaw, let’s go! Both of us, let’s go!

But no, you didn’t. And that’s great! That you somehow see my inbox as this place to tell me what you’re thinking and maybe? checking my blog in case I did reply? Who Knows. I think it’s also great that you don’t expect anything back too, even if you did tell me. Because that means that you know that I’m not here to solve any of your problems and that you have to take actual action to get over these mental health issues that you are experiencing. And I have thoughts on it, of course, so I will just type, of course, since you aren’t expecting a reply, of course.

Most criticism is pointless. I’m not looking to be better at certain things that people criticize me for. Creative writing, for example. I’m not looking to be better at creative writing, because I’m not interested in a career in creative writing, it’s a hobby, and it doesn’t matter whether or not I’m the best, it just matters that it makes me happy. If it doesn’t make someone happy that they have to tell me I’m bad at it, then cool! Their lack of interest in spreading love is heard but not received since I love myself and their words don’t affect me! Have a nice day!

Feedback like “you’re not good at THIS” without recommendations on how to improve is pointless. Presenting a problem without a solution is pointless. Giving unsolicited advice is pointless. Giving bad solicited advice is pointless. If you can’t give proper feedback, then don’t offer it. Correcting people does absolutely jack shit; enjoy those two seconds of feeling like the smartest person in the room while the person you corrected feels downright fucking awful. Unless the person did something that will get them or others hurt, just leave them be.

With respect to proper feedback in areas that I am looking to be better at, I only want to hear it from qualified candidates AND have those candidates tell me how to improve. I’ve been published three times. I don’t need to listen to every freshman that can’t keep up with me when I didn’t create the paper with them in mind; I listen to the reviewers for my papers because they’re typically well-established in their damn field. Sometimes they’ll be like, “your conclusion is weak,” but then they’ll ALWAYS follow up with “needs more data to drive the point home” and then it’s back to the lab. My reviewers have hardly left a comment that was just a complaint.

Trust me, scientists love to talk. 

Introspection for development is oftentimes a one and done deal because when I think about it, I make a plan to improve it, and then I set myself up for that plan. When I think, it would be nice if I was more athletic, then I go out and improve myself. I start running in the mornings because I hate getting sweaty and it’s only cool when the sun hasn’t come up yet. Then, later, if I think, I could be better at exercising, then I’ll be like, well I’m really good at running, maybe I’ll run for five miles in the morning instead of three. I examine myself from a new and different angle and improve another part of me. Not every bit of me that I improve is perfect, but it’s better than it was. And that makes all the difference. I never think about the same part; I’m not like, god, I’m so lazy, every single day, but sometimes I’m like, it would be nice if I could find a way to sneak ten miles into my weekend runs instead of five.

When I say one and done, I mean more like, I know my flaws, I know how I’m going to improve it (because I have a plan and I know that I can stick to this plan), I’m good to go. There’s no need to revisit it unless the plan needs to be changed. On the other hand, beating yourself up for every little thing is like this constant pestering that happens every single minute. Like, god, I hate this part of me, god, why did I even try that, I hate this, I hate myself, I hate this. The language also changes to a more negative tone. You can’t do anything, so why bother? Why bother fixing yourself when you know you’ll fail? It’s so hard to struggle viciously and then to fail. It’s so tiring to try and then not succeed.

I think that it’s SO SO SO HARD to move away from that mentality. I recently read a book that my therapist gave me called The Four Agreements. There’s probably a PDF version online if you’re interested in reading it. And one of the quotes really stuck out to me:

The human is the only animal on earth that pays a thousand times for the same mistake. We have a powerful memory. We make a mistake, we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty, and we punish ourselves. […Every] time we remember, we judge ourselves again, we are guilty again, and we punish ourselves again, and again, and again.

And this is true! Our memory punishes us again and again for doing something dumb. Everything that you hate about yourself or that you did that was embarrassing, you will remember forever and in perfect clarity. But judging yourself in this light is exhausting. It didn’t help me, it doesn’t help the people who love me, and it doesn’t help anyone.

I don’t know if any of these words help you at all, but these are just my thoughts. You are free to do whatever and free to think whatever and free to be whatever you want. If you are free to criticize yourself, you’re also free to say no! I’m tired of hating myself! I’m tired of feeling this way! I’m tired of being me but I’m also tired of being the me that hates myself. You’re working towards improving your mental health. I’m working towards improving my mental health. We’re two people connected via the internet, working to improve the mentality that we’re suffering from. 

Even if it takes you a while, I hope you stop thinking so badly about yourself. You’re kind enough to reach out to me to say these words. You can be kind to yourself and say those exact same words. Have a great day. If you want to talk, my ask box is always open.