#making people defensive doesnt make them want to listen to you. the opposite actually.

[psycherprince]

third hot take of the day is that yes "boycott fatigue" is. yikes. but we're not doing anyone any favors by pretending large boycotts don't take any effort whatsoever. like we talk abt "invisible labor" in the household when talking abt feminism, which is the cognitive load of knowing what has to get done even if the tasks are divided, and having to keep track of who is doing what (wrt childcare) and the preferences of your family when cooking/grocery shopping/etc. Other ppl have explained this better than me but the point is. It does take cognitive effort to keep track of what you can and can't buy, and which companies own what, etc etc.

We can acknowledge that yeah it does take effort and yeah it can be annoying that you have to make some kind of change, but also still maintain that complaining abt that right now is insanely tactless and irrelevant. Like yeah you DO have to remind yourself not to buy sabra hummus or the starbucks brand creamer or whatever but like there's a genocide yknow get some perspective

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh Part 2

a/n: lmao this is kinda weird for me but i think this was an interesting request so lets try it!

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

lowkey kyotani kentaro typa beat but you gotta squint (??)

also warning! angst!

anon request: Hii! I just read the seijoh manager headcannon you wrote, it made me cry so much, i love those seijoh boys so much, and you are such an amazing writer! I dont know if requests are open or not but i was wondering what would happen if the boys ever find out what happened to reader cha? If requests aren’t open or if you just don’t want to write about it, I completely understand! Thank you for your wonderful writing again! Stay safe!

the stageplay was *chefs kiss* like MY MANS IWA WAS SERVING LOOKSSSS

soooooo

this might get really angsty idk so just a warning in advance

anyways

i mentioned in the earlier part that no one really knew what happened to you

so this one is when they DO find out what happened and what theyre gonna do about it

so first off, kyoken was basically the only one who saw you that day and saw how badly you looked

the thing is, at that current moment, he didnt really know the reason why and what happened

he had theories that you got jumped or you just got into an accident 

but he was prettttttyyyy sure you got beat up

so you went home and rushed to yanno, take a shower and get your wound treated and cleaned so that it would heal bc you really cannot afford to let the boys see that

they would think of the worst at the smallest sight of blood on you and you really didnt want to deal w that chaos at the moment

you cant let them get suspended from school since they were going to interhigh soon and you cant let oikawa and the boys ruin their reputations just for you

a first year girl theyve just met

it was kinda hard to rinse all of the milk from your hair but you were able to at least get the smell out and clean up your mess

then you looked in the mirror and saw faint handprints around your throat from that girl miyo and you cringed as you touched it

‘jesus christ, seriously what does she eat? bricks?’

after your clothes were in the wash, you went to bed to get homework done and also looking up how to use the concealer to hide your bruises 

you didnt really own any makeup but your mom has some so you could just use that

during dinner, you wore a turtleneck to prevent any suspicion from happening but you couldnt really hide the big gash on your face

‘y/n, what happened!’

‘i was dumb and accidentally fell up the stairs’

your parents shared a chuckle bc theyve actually seen you do this before so it was easy to believe the lie

‘darling, do we need to get you glasses? it seems your sight has worsened’

‘haha’

you went along with the joke but you weren’t eating and just pushed your food around

‘y/n? is the food not good?’

your mother asked but you shook your head with a convincing smile

‘its good! i just had some meat buns with the team earlier and i ate a lot so im still full’

you cursed at yourself for making it sound so rehearsed but you were relieved when your mother nodded

the next morning, you were satisfied with the reduced puffing of your face and you snuck into your parents bathroom where her makeup bag would be

as you held up the concealer, you started getting anxious because this was not the same shade as your skin and it would definitely raise suspicion if you had a different color on your neck than the rest of your body

you already planned to blame your wound as acne that you accidentally scratched but what were you going to do with the handprints?

the website you read said that it would take at least a day for them to fade

so you decided youd just wear a scarf and pretend you were cold

kunimi was confused as to why you had a scarf bundled around your neck and his eyes even widened at the sight of the bandaid on your face

‘y/n! what-!’

he shot up from his seat and your eyes widened before hissing at him to sit down

‘what happened to you?!’

he worriedly asked but you waved him off with a small smile

‘acne. this was the only available bandaid in my house so i had to work with this’

kunimi might be a lazy little shit but he was observant

and he noticed the way you said that sentence

it was like a robot

like a robot programmed to say what was written on its script

but before he could press on further, you already pointed out that the teacher was coming in and to hush so you could listen

the entire time, kunimi was awake alright, but he was too busy looking at you and a bright red thing that poked from the edge of your bandaid

kindaichi went to your classroom for lunch and you had to repeat your excuse for him but he pointed at another thing

‘why are you wearing a scarf? its like burning in here’

you didnt look at him as you just opened your bento

‘being in your period causes your temperature to fluctuate and cause unexplainable chill at even the hottest places’

okay what

they both shared a look and just shrugged, blaming it on your time of the month for the way you spoke with no emotion in your tone

this had to be the longest school day of your life

the whole time the scarf remained on and kunimi cant help but notice your flinches at the smallest of sounds

finally practice arrived and you really thought you could pull this off until oikawa barreled straight towards you and hugged you tightly

‘y/n-chan! you okay?! oikawa-senpai was so worried for you!’ 

you cringed but nodded

‘im okay, oikawa-san’

‘senpai, y/n-chan! call me senpai!’

‘im not going to feed into your kink, oikawa-san’

*cue everyone busting a lung*

‘y/n, what’s the-’

‘acne. only bandaid available in my house’

eventually, everything was fine

you were still cracking jokes w the others and you were still laughing w them so kunimi and kindaichi were at ease

but that shattered when oikawa was being oikawa and was being all touchy and bothering you about the scarf around your neck that he ended up pulling it off and he saw the marks

he was silent, just staring at them

ofc you were freaking out and you started breathing heavily

oh god he found out and he was going to hurt them

‘o-oikawa-senpai, listen, it’s not what it-’

‘y/n’

his voice made your eyes shut in fear and the others crowded around you and they all had scandalized looks on their faces

‘is this why you werent in practice yesterday?’

his voice was sharp, a complete opposite to his normally cheerful tone

you shivered and sighed

‘senpai, please dont-’

‘who is it?’

the other third years shared a look bc they were truly shook at oiks voice

‘w-why should i tell you?! its none-’

‘i am your captain and i deserve to know who is pulling you away from your managerial duties so he could just give you these damn hickeys!’

the gym turned silent

you stopped then furrowed your eyebrows

‘hickey? what-’

‘dont act like you dont know, y/n. so just be honest and tell me who’s your boyfriend’

lmao i shouldnt laugh bc this was supposed to be sad but im cackling at how dumb oikawa really is sometimes

‘i-i,,,,’

you stuttered but you knew this was the perfect opportunity

you could just blame it on this ridiculous misunderstanding 

its a difficult hole to get out of but it would be easier than the other

so you pretended to be flustered and turned around to hide your face

‘it was a one-time thing, oikawa-san. i promise it wont happen again’

HELLO WHAT

the team was leaking the feeling of RAGE

how dare someone take their manager!

she was theirs!

and it doesnt help that every player might have a little thing for you

is this really turning into a harem

oikawa kept demanding answers but iwa hit him enough to quit and they finally went back to practicing but they were still distracted

every time they looked at you, they would grow flustered and red and end up missing a block or a serve

they just cant see their baby manager like that

you noticed it quickly and irritably got on them

‘stop staring at my neck and get back to practice!’

they flinched and saluted at you

lmao this little first year girl is able to control nearly a dozen <5′10 men who are all older than her

but you were glad that they finally stopped asking about it

this was going to go by smoothly and you were going to be okay

however,,,

several days later,,,

this is an angst fanfiction so i will bring thy angst

you were taking out your class garbage since it was your group’s turn in cleaning the classroom when you were grabbed by the arm on your way back

it was still outside and after school so it wouldve been an unlikely situation that someone would help you

it was that biatch miyo again and her 2 minions behind her

then you recognized one girl from the track team who was actually a year older than you but you saw her dropping off some files in the office

if you tried to run, she could easily grab you w her fast legs

great

you were stuck

you let out a tired sigh and crossed your arms on your chest

‘what is it you want from me, again?’

she smirked

‘you really dont know how to listen, do you? i told you to stay away from oikawa but youre still flaunting around with him!’

is she serious?

this girl was borderline stalker/yandere type of girl

you gave her an incredulous look and frowned

‘girl, do you hear yourself? you damn crazy and im leaving’

but she grabbed you back and shoved you against the wall

but this time, you kicked her on the chest to make her fall on her flat booty

surprise was written on their faces and you stretched your arms in front of you to symbolize distance

‘one more step and ill beat tf out of you. i just got my nails off so id watch it if i were you’

miyo huffed and stood up, brushing herself, glaring at one of the girls who tried to help her

then she remembered what you told her

‘hmm? if you hit me, you could be kicked off of the team since you hurt another student. so, go ahead, little kouhai’

she was right

even if it was self-defense, the school’s disciplinary section sucked and just suspended or kicked off people left and right even though they didnt do anything wrong

you were stumped

you were here on a scholarship, not on tuition

your mom would KILL you if she found out you got into a fight and got a record

but you didnt show that and kept your tough facade

‘dont challenge me. i could be a crazy bitch and i dont think youd like your little face being all messed up. so watch your mouth and leave me alone’

you turned to leave but she grabbed your hair and tugged it back

lmao flashbacks to the other part

she twisted your hair into a ponytail and had a firm grip while a girl kicked you behind your knees so you would fall to the ground

oh no you were done w this

you elbowed miyo on the stomach the hardest you could and she groaned which loosened her hold and you kicked her again to the ground

some other girl hit your side and you winced before slapping her straight across the face bc you didnt want to punch her and hurt your knuckles

but they were really testing you

the last girl still had your hair but you twisted around to face her and just did the last you could think of that would hurt

hit her right between her legs

you finally escaped their hold and miyo lunged after you

‘oh my god leave me alone!’

you yelled before holding up your arms to protect your face but she scratched your arms 

obviously you were losing this bc it was just you but you were going to fight as much as you can

‘bad kouhais need to be punished! your senpais need to teach you a lesson!’

miyo screeched and you grabbed her arm before punching her straight at the boob

sorry rebecca

however, one girl was smart and did the same thing you did to her knees and made you fall to a kneeling position and eventually made you curl into a fetal position

gurl we actually fighting so hard considering we’ve never been in a fight

they continuously kicked you before miyo pulled up your head so you could sit up and kneel in front of her

ofc you tried to grab at her and punch at her

but these other girls were able to catch you and trap your arms in their hold and had their feet on your legs so you couldnt kick

great, another bathroom scene

your arms were bleeding from miyo’s scratches and your sides were hurting after their kicks

you lost and you were already bleeding in places you didnt think you would

this would be the last attempt and if he doesnt come, you’re done for

‘IIIIIIWWWWWAAAAAAAA-SAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!’

your scream echoed throughout the entire are

possibly could be heard in new york

and your voice became hoarse

ofc the girls were surprised and caught off guard but when there was silence and clear that no one was coming, they started laughing

‘oh, so cute! iwa-san? is that supposed to be iwaizumi-san? heh, you whoring around w him too? thats so cute-’

‘LET. GO. OF. HER. NOW.’

I GOT CHILLS

the girls holding you shrieked and dropped their hold on you before scrambling back causing you to drop to the ground

miyo’s eyes were wide and there was horror all over her face at the voice of that infamous boy

kyotani kentarou

‘WHAT THE FK ARE YOU DOING?!’

he yelled and miyo turned around to be met with his piercing eyes before screaming and running away with her minions in tow

‘YEA RUN AWAY! FKING COWARDS!’

ltr the cursing is so awkward for me to do but this is his character and im just so awkward so sorry!!

you coughed and winced at the pain on your side which caught his attention

again, he noticed you as the manager of their team and you’ve been hanging out w him, well, just him staring at you, at the alley while you feed the animals

you were actually nice and caring and definitely didnt deserve this

‘oi, y-you okay?’

you didnt look up, just closing your eyes in pain and biting your lips to not let out the crying

his eyes softened at you and he noticed you were trying to act tough and brave even though you just got beat up

normally, he wouldnt even help anyone but it seems you just did something to him

he sighed before gently picking you up, you not even bothering to stop him, and he held you tightlyin his arms as he carried you to the nurses office

he had a feeling you didnt want to be seen like this and hes been in the nurse enough to know she actually leaves the moment school ends

you let out a shaky breath as he set you down on the cot and you opened your eyes to reach your hold for him when he went away

‘n-no, don’t leave-’

but he grunted softly before holding your wrist

‘im just getting your damn medicine. chill out’

lowkey getting bakugou vibes

you nodded and went to close your eyes again

kyo returned w some pain relief medicine from his bag that he carries 

babie actually gets into fights often and he needs it sometimes

and he had alcohol medicine kind istg and bandaids for your arms

it was silent as you drank the pills and he sat down next to you so he could treat the wounds

but he let his curiosity take over him

‘why the fk did you let them do this to you’

he grunted and you scoffed with a smile

‘let? more like overpower me and grip me as they just hit me’

‘cant you fight them back?’

you glared at him

‘bruh i literally kneed some girl in their cooch but they just some superhuman typa girls that cant be hurt’

he sighed

‘maybe you just werent strong enough’

okay listen here you lil shit

you didnt want to listen to him scold you anymore so you just went back to closing your eyes

but kyo is actually lowkey nosy so he kept asking questions

‘the first time we met. was it her too?’

you flinched in surprise

‘you remembered that?’

‘ofc i did. you looked like shit. not as bad as this but still like shit’

‘gee thanks, stranger-kun’

‘kyotani,,, kentarou’

you smiled

‘nice to meet you, kyotani kentarou. im l/n y/n’

‘i know’

he mumbled but you didnt catch it

‘thanks for hearing me and coming to help’

he hummed

he wasnt going to tell you that he actually heard the scream for his idol and thought hed be there so he ran to go see him but instead saw you

kyo just respects and looks up to iwa-chan so much it warms my heart uwu-

once you were all patched up, you were finally able to stand but you still staggered

he grabbed your arm softly and sat you back down

‘what the hell are you going to tell the team?’

you paused then sighed

‘i dont know. ill figure something out’

but he knew how observant the players would be and they would catch on

after all, he was there watching at the top bleachers as oikawa yelled at you for the ‘hickey’

‘if they didnt hit your face, you could get away with it. but you have wounds all over you and theyd find out. im guessing youre doing this bc you dont want to trouble them or burden them? bc they would do something about it?’

you just stared at this guy

‘how-’

‘just a guess’

he also wasnt going to tell you that he was actually part of the team but the constant fighting got him in suspension

and the fact that his parents were donors for the school, he only got a tap on the wrist

‘so what do i do, then?’

‘tell them-’

‘no i cant do that! another plan, kyo-kun!’

‘oi, im a second year, idiot. treat me with respect’

the irony bc he totally treats oikawa like trash

‘i just,,,, oikawa-san is seen as this prince/gentleman type and i know how protective he is towards me so the slightest problem could cause him to be ballistic. miyo is popular enough to circulate rumors about him and hes already in his third year and she is too so i just have to endure one year until theyre gone’

kyo was disgusted

all this for that stupid idiot captain?

‘youre dumber than i thought’

you weakly hit him at the arm

‘so mean, kyo-san’

‘i dont think its right youre suffering for someone who isnt even worth it’

you glared and linked your fingers together

‘im the manager. i knew this would happen the moment i signed up but i didnt care. as manager, i have to keep up the team’s image and their popularity for support so i cant let all that be ruined just bc a little first year girl couldnt fight for herself’

‘just tell them, kid. less problems’

then he stood up to leave

‘kid?! im only a year younger than you! what you mean!’

but you were panicking

someone knew about you being hurt and they could easily tell the team

and it only increased when he entered the gym and later introduced himself as a player

you were so surprised that you stopped breathing

‘kyo-san,,,’ 

you muttered and he glared at you

well, more like look at you but i have a theory that kyo actually has problems w his sight so it looks like he’s glaring at you constantly but hes just actually trying to see clearly

‘yo’

oikawa was surprised at this interaction

‘eh? you know kyoken-chan?’

you nodded, still looking at the blonde

‘i-uh’

‘its none of your business’

kyotani grunted and you sighed in relief

maybe your secret would be safe

you were still uneasy about him accidentally revealing it, especially since he practically worships iwaizumi-san, but he kept his mouth shut

your caring personality at first was overbearing on him but he appreciated your efforts like volunteering on helping him with his eyeliner or asking him if he needed help with his medical tape

ngl, he also thought you were there just bc it was a team full of guys and you thought you could have that weird girl fantasy of having a harem

but you cared for them like practically a mother and continuously made it clear to oikawa that you were NOT interested in going on a date with him

you werent annoying, you were nice, and you weren’t pushy so he actually showed you respect and took a liking to you

this created a soft of protectiveness around you

sometimes, he would see you around school and he would practically glare at the girls he knew hated you

and when he wasnt there to protect you, you would call him to the nurses office where he would mumble apologies of not being there while patching you up before he would go over and threaten them to touch you again and he would bite their fingers off

aww hes so cute

ofc he still kept your secret bc it wasnt his business to tell 

until that one day

it was normal practice with you helping the boys toss the balls so they could spike it

iwaizumi spiked it really hard making you flinch and he apologized profusely after you almost fell off the chair you were standing on in surprise

‘im just angry that that damn shittykawa is the captain and is late to his own damn practice’

oikawa? late?

that was unheard of

you were about to get off the chair and look for him when the devil himself entered the gym with the devil’s mistress on his arm

miyo was holding on to his arm as he laughed at something she said and ruffled her hair

you dropped the ball and kyotani quickly moved to you so he could stand in front of you protectively

‘oi! shittykawa! youre late!’

oikawa just smiled and pointed at the girl

‘miyo-chan made us cookies, iwa-chan!’

at the mention of food, the boys ran forward but you and kyotani remained at the side at the infamous name

you got off the chair and hurriedly placed an arm in front of him

‘don’t, kyo-san’

‘the bitch-’

‘i know. but please, dont’

you begged and he huffed before aggresively wrapping an arm around your shoulder

aggressively cares for you

‘if she does something or even talks shit, i will-’

‘kyoken-chan! y/n-chan! come here!’

oikawa called but kyotani snarled at him

you smile wobbled when miyo’s eyes narrowed at you and she smirked

‘oh? your manager is so cute, oikawa-kun!’

the rest of the team was just blinking at this weird tension

kyo had his arm tightly around you and hatingly glaring at this girl, who was icily smirking at you, and you tightly holding kyo’s shirt with a worried glint in your eyes

‘you were late to your own damn practice, oikawa. stop wasting time eating this shit and go back to playing’

tbh it still shocks you at how rudely kyo talks to oikawa but you were too pre-occupied on making sure this kid wasnt going to lunge at this girl

‘a-ah, right. oikawa-san, we have to return to practice. if you excuse us, miyo-san-’

you were about to gently grab oikawa’s arm to bring him back when she grabbed your wrist and secretly gripped it

‘oh, dont be so uptight, y/n-chan! i worked so hard-’

but kyo immediately snatched her hand away from you and squeezed it as tight as he could, making her wince

oikawa noticed the pain in miyo’s face and he was angry that kyotani was hurting a girl

‘oi! kyotani!’

he shouted and pushed him away, making the team, even iwa, worriedly look at kyo and brace themselves for the beating

iwa jumped into action and held the second year back while you jumped in front of oikawa

‘kyo-san, calm-’

‘you! be quiet’

he shouted, finger pointing at you

‘and you!’

before pointing to oikawa

‘you are a shitty captain’

‘kyotani!’

iwa was just straight out confused and hes really questioning life decisions right now

mom is stressed and confused, i repeat, MOM IS STRESSED AND CONFUSED

oikawa’s eyes narrowed but he just calmly talked

‘we’ll talk about this later’

‘miyo-san, we really need to practice so if you could see yourself out’

iwa gently smiled to the girl, who was about to protest, but makki and mattsun has already pointed to the door

she huffed then turned to leave and once she was gone, iwa let go of kyotani

‘kyotani, what the hell was that’

oikawa lowly asked and you were about to put your arms out to separate them but yahaba and watari grabbed you so you wouldnt be caught in the middle

then kyo turned to you, fire in his eyes

‘either you tell him or i will’

can we just talk about how protective kyo is?

you trembled and you roughly left yahaba and watari’s grip so you could gently place your hands on his chest

‘please, kyo. just leave it, okay? remember, it’s my busi-’

‘if i see that bitch enter this gym again, i dont give a flying fuck if shes a girl. ill beat the living daylights out of her’

‘kyotani kentarou, what-!’

oikawa shouted but your glare shut him up

‘y/n-chan, what is going on’

‘n-nothing. kyo-san is just, yknow, being him. you know? okay. now lets get back to practice, everyone!’

coach irihata and the other guy sharing that look

to say the least, miyo was pissed

and when she was pissed at you, she always did what she normally does

she corners you wherever its deserted and beat you with the help of her minions who holds you down while she slaps, hits, or kicks you

girlie you needs to tell the boys youre literally getting hit and abused and im just-!!!!!!!!!

and thats exactly what she did

only this time, she wore hard-tipped shoes

‘see, y/n-chan? i saved up and got these shoes just for you!’

the minions were just sharing looks of fear and genuine sympathy for you

they were only there bc she blackmailed them with pictures doing questionable things and if they dont help, they would be released

as usual, you didnt cry, biting your lip as you winced from the pain of her kick at your side

‘youre so pathetic. how could you do this to a person? and all this for your oikawa-san? for a boy?’

you wheezed at her causing her eyes to flare

‘HAH?! SAY THAT AGAIN!’

‘i said-’

but you were cut off when she slapped the soul out of you

her ring cut you at the lip and you cringed at the taste of blood from your lip

‘what else? we gotta hurry this up, miyo, because practice started like 5 minutes ago and im going to get yel-’

‘SHUT UP!’

kyotani entered the gym after his talk with his teacher and immediately looked around for you

his honey brown eyes scanned the area and they widened as your figure wasn’t in sight

‘oi, yahaba, wheres the manager’

the boy shrugged from the side 

‘i dont know. shes late though’

oh god

‘kindaichi! kunimi! youre in the same grade right? did you see where she went after class?’

kunimi paused to remember before answering

‘she stayed after to talk to obe-sensei for the homework, that’s all i know’

that meant she stayed behind and was probably somewhere

‘SHIT!’

he shouted before bolting out the door

ofc the boys were all worried of his outburst and started yelling after him

‘kyotani!’

‘kyoken-chan?!’

they followed him, who was running as fast as he can

the girls would probably do it outside to avoid having to clean up their mess and he almost wrenched the door open in a hurry to take a lap around the school building

it was certainly a sight to see: a boy with dyed blonde hair and two brown lines followed after an entire volleyball team who were screaming after him

‘YOU-!’

he heard that bitch voice and bolted towards the back, where the dumpster was, and found you at the same position like the first time he saw you

blood was dripping on the floor from your busted lip and a cut on your cheek while your eyes were wide at the sight of kyotani’s panting form

‘kyo-!’

‘kyotani!’

your eyes watered at the sight of the entire volleyball team behind him, also eviqualiently surprised yet fuming angry

the girls who held you dropped your arms and ran for the hills so they wouldnt get caught

kyo pushed miyo aside as he grabbed you from the floor and held you

oikawa gave miyo a look that cannot even be described in words

all it was: incredibly, super, ridiculously, heatedly, furiously, angry

now multiply that by the entire team

‘hm, my father, who is the chieftain of the police, mentioned about there being jail time for even minors who commit serious acts like assault or bullying’

mattsun seethed

‘really? i think he’d like the video as evidence against kenta miyo for assault and battery, including bullying, so how many years would that add up to? nearly a decade?’

the girl miyo squeaked as oikawa and iwaizumi roughly grabbed each wrist

‘how long’

miyo trembled at the increased pressure on her wrist

‘IM ASKING YOU A FUCKING QUESTION! HOW LONG!’

iwaizumi has never shouted at a girl before and hopefully, it would be the last

‘s-s-since l-last month’

you burrowed your head in kyotani’s shirt

‘please dont’

‘shut the fk up, y/n-chan, we’re not talking to you right now’

oikawa coldly reprimanded

‘everyone, take y/n away. iwaizumi and i can take care of this. but mattsun, makki, track down those 3 girls and find others who have even touched our manager’

‘got it, boss’

if it was in a different situation, you wouldve applauded oikawa at his ability to be a leader but you were currently in pain from the bruises and the cuts all over you

your fellow first-years were angrily punching things in the nurse’s office

rip nurse in the morning when she finds holes all over her walls

the irony is, the most agressive one, kyotani kentarou, was the calmest as he quietly cleaned your wounds and placed ointment on the bruises

‘i told you so’

he mumbled and you scoffed

‘howd you find me anyways?’

‘dumb bitch yaps really loud’

he answered

no one was yelling at you and no one was saying a word

eventually, oikawa and iwaizumi entered followed by the rest of the third years

‘why. why didnt you tell us, y/n?’

oikawa asked as he sat down on the chair beside the bed

you looked down and fiddled with your fingers

‘if i did, you wouldve hurt her. and she wouldve spread rumors about you and ruin the image and reputation of the grand king and the volleyball team. i didnt want to do that to you and thought i could just endure it one year since youre graduating anyways’

iwaizumi sucked in a harsh breath

‘you wouldn’t have known what we were going to do. you are no oracle and you dont know how we are going to handle this situation. so you were really stupid for keeping these things to yourself, y/n. you may be our manager and our caretaker but let us take care of you too’

you nodded but your tears fell

‘sorry. im really sorry. i didnt meant to trouble you’

‘stop apologizing, y/n’

‘sorry’

‘y/n!’

you bowed your head low and bit your lip in guilt

‘i shouldve told you but i didnt and now everyone is troubled-’

‘we’re a team, y/n. youre not a lone wolf anymore. you have a pack standing right beside you’

watari mumbled and he sat down to give you his favorite hug: the one arm hug

‘im super angry right now and it might seem like im snappy but i really want you to know, y/n, that i really love you and i am just hurt that you didnt trust us enough to tell us you were suffering when i trust you with my entire being. so next time youre hurting or in pain, dont you dare keep it to yourself. tell us, okay? tell your senpais and friends about it so we can share that burden’

oikawa babie you are so mature like what-

what started out as a hug from watari turned into a team hug around the tiny bed, even kyo joined, and you were so happy you found a good team that appreciated you and everything youve done and accepted you as one of their own

‘oikawa-san, what did you do to miyo?’

‘again, im mad y/n-chan, so please dont talk about her right now’

‘iwa-san?’

‘dont use those puppy eyes on me! dont you dare-- okay, we’re pressing charges’

silence

‘WHAT?!’

‘and iwa-chan slapped her!’

‘WHAT?!’

‘shut up shittykawa you did too!’

‘WHAT?!’

a/n: this hurted a bit and im sorry if this was lowkey awkward and all over the place but i didnt exactly know how to portray this situation since ive never experienced this, just bullying in general, before but for those who have, please tell someone so that you dont have to carry that burden by yourself. it doesnt have to be a your parents, but talk to a trusted adult so that this type of stuff doesnt happen to you bc you truly dont deserve that type of treatment and deserve to be happy and feel safe in an environment like school or anywhere in general

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

ML Lies Episode Predictions:

There’s Two?? (don’t trust my math) more days before lies completely destroys me, so I’m going to make some predictions, and by predictions I mean wishlist. My walls are already up, so if none of these happen I won’t be disappointed, but also a girl can dream: (this is somehow 1700 entire words long because I have a lot of feelings, so it’s under a cut, you’re welcome)

—Adrien and Kagami’s are secretly dating: please I want it so bad, I’ve talked about this so much and emotionally I need it!! At the very least I want them to sneak out together so so bad I’d cry. But also, if they’re hiding it from their other friends for whatever reason, thats SUCH good angst potential.

—If we get to see some kinda montage of them sneaking out??? Id ride that high for months. Even just one actual example of them working together to sneak out would obliterate me. Like, how it shows Kagami sneaking out to go to the game in Ikari Gozen?? I’d cry

—The breakup happens as a direct result of it being a secret relationship: this would be SUCH a good parallel to lukanette. Lukanette broke up because Luka wanted Marinette to be more open with him and he hated being in the dark, so just, the parallels if Adrien wants to be more open about adrimi and Kagami is like “you dont understand, if your dad finds out about us he will end this immediately” but Adrien wants to believe that its going to be okay and no one will react badly? I’m probably explaining this badly and I’ll try to explain it better later I just,,, want parallels and opposites and truth v lies and hhhhh

—Fencing??? Friendly/ affectionate competition??? Them being idiot jocks in love??? Please??? I want to see them compete!!

—I’d love to see Kagami character growth + Adrimi relationship development!!! I want her to love herself more and be more comfortable around him!!!

—Specifically, if there was a parallel to Riposte,, and Adrien beat Kagami in a fencing match and Kagami was like “Oh nice!! :D good game!” I’d be so happy I’d cry!! And it’s kinda implied by Chat Blanc that they’re already there in there relationship?? But not confirmed?? So if I saw it or saw confirmation of it I’d cry!!

—in one of the released photos it looked like they were holding hands??? And at this point my expectations are so low I don’t even trust it yet but blease,,, let them hold hands,, i’d cry of joy

—If Adrien is also constantly leaving and disappearing due to akuma responsibilities, I want it to read SUPER differently from the Lukanette because I love parallels/foils!! Marinette disappears on her dates with Luka and its just “oh marinette is really distracted and busy and frazzled” but I dont think Adrimi but be loke that at all!!! Because as far as Kagami knows, she has the same backstory/current story as Adrien. She’s risking a lot by sneaking out to go on dates with him?? So Adrien seeing an akuma and being like “oh sorry father is calling” isnt even suspicious or anything??? Its 100% believable!!! If her mother called she’d immediately be like “oh fricking heck i Need To Leave this instant immediately.” So its less “Adrien doesnt care about her” and more of just twisting the knife and reminding her that life doesnt want them to be together and Adrien is never going to be free!!! Big ouch to her heart!!!

—also I want!!!! Them!!! To talk about their feelings!!! Because parallels to truth!!! Adrien is like “sorry I have to go” and Kagami is like “oh I hate that so much” and Adrien is like “big same.” (Also idk how realistic this is but I’d love it if ‘Kagami talking about her feelings’ wasn’t the cause of strife in their relationship!! Like, she talks about how she feels and when she’s upset and Adrien is like “yeah me too” and they’re just,, good bros)

—I need them to stay friends after the breakup, i need it i need it i need it!!! And the whole issue is!! I feel like the main reason they’d date is to try and hang out more?!?? So if the breakup was actually them talking to each other and being like “hey so this isnt working with sneaking out, we’re going to need to go back to the way it was before,” rather than them saying they were bad for each other???? Hoo boy i’d lose my mind

—Also!!! My favorite prediction, I’d die of joy if this happened (and also of angst). I want there to be so much drama with “secret relatinship” stuff that they try to fix it by going public with their relationship!! Very low chance of this actually happening but its okay if it doesnt, thats what the fanfiction I’m inevitably going to write immediately after watching the episode is for!!! But anyway,, multiple ways this could happen.

Maybe they’ve been secretly dating since Miracle Queen and they decide to go public at the beginning of this episode and that’s the primary source of plot/conflcit!!! I’d be thrilled!!!

BUT!!! if the episode ends with then Not Breaking Up, but instead deciding to go from dating secretly to dating publicly???? Holy Freaking Heck,,, I’d go feral with emotion!!!! I also need to expand on this so much more but basic rundown of how I imagine it could happen (again: Is it likely?? Probably not! but this is my last chance to dream):

Kagami is like “listen we have the same backstory and I KNOW in my soul that this relationship wouldn’t work if it was public”

Adrien is like “okay yeah I feel you, thats fair”

Kagami goes on dates with Adrien and its fun and nice and lovely and the honeymoon phase is so good and exciting

Adrien starts disappearing a lot, partly because of akuma attacks, but partly because of nathalie and gabe calling him constantly

Adrien starts to be like “well actually i think that my dad does care about me probably? And if he knew why I wanted to go he’d let me! Or at least Nathalie would because clearly she cares about me!”

Kagami is like “hhhnngg have you met them?? You think they’d want you to be happy and free??” Except she can’t just SAY that because if she did then she’d be crushing Adrien’s entire heart and possibly also making him get really defensive and he has to come to the conclusion that his parents are good on his own

Kagami also starts to get frustrated with how much more often Adrien has to leave than she does?? And its because of akuma attacks but she doesnt know that and he cant tell her

Adrien starts to get frustrated because he can take the “having to leave for akuma attacks” part but when he finally finishes an akuma battle and Natalie immediately calls him it is just aaaaaAAAAAAAA and he just wants to believe so badly that he could at least take control of that part??? He could at least get Nathalie to help him out??? Probably maybe right???

Because we all know he HATES having to keep secrets from Ladybug, but he’ll do it for her, and he’ll keep his life as Chat a secret, but Kagami??? He should at least be able to talk about that, right?? He’s not doing anything bad/dangerous/etc

Also there could very well be some angst with Adrien being so so worried about Nathalie because she’s bedridden and his dad is being sketchy and he’s SEEN this before and he doesn’t want to be avoiding Natalie or lying to her because what if he loses her too??? He’d feel so guilty! And he needs the support of a parent figure so much,,, so he HAS to tell her the truth

But he respects Kagami’s wishes and he’s not going to betray her trust

But unlike Lukanette, they DO talk about their feelings and they disagree and stuff, and even if he’s trying not to be confrontational, Kagami is like “i can tell youre uncomfortable about something, please just tell me what it is” so he tells her that he disagrees

Kagami gets akumatized?? idk if it’s even been confirmed that she’s the akuma “Lies” but I’d assume she is because parallels to Lukanette

Maybe it happens as a direct result of some moment where Kagami and Adrien are arguing and in the heat of the moment he says something hurtful??

Maybe they’re arguing and then Adrien has to leave before it can resolve and Kagami is mad about it even though shes trying not to be and she gets akumatized???

Maybe she does say something like “bc your dad sucks and nathalie sucks!” and he yells or something (i want to see Adrien yell and be flawed let me live, and this is one of the most likely scenerios for it to happen bc it would HURT for him)

Maybe Kagami shoots back with anger, maybe Adrien’s been calm but Kagami gets mean for a moment, but regardless, Kagami says something about her true feelings of anger at nathalie/gabe/ etc and before Adrien can respond he’s like “oh shoot sorry I need to get home NOW”

Then for one brief second Kagami’s TERRIFIED that he’s going to tell nathalie about this in his anger and then nathalie’s going to be like “oh kagami is clearly bad for you because she made u this upset” and Adrien will LISTEN because hes stupid and he still listens to his horrible adult figures and Kagami is so mad about the entire situation so then in her moment of weakness she gets akumatized

Look at that its a direct opposite of Lukanette because Luka was afraid of Marinette keeping secrets about why she’s always vanishing because he doesnt know and Kagami is afraid of Adrien telling secrets about why HEs always vanishing bc she thinks she does know,,

But anyway, after she gets de-akumatized, she’s so ashamed of it and she can see how far she took it and how many people it hurt,, and Adrien is really sad and apologetic and trying to support her,, and she’s like “no clearly I was actually wrong, keeping this a secret is hurting you and its hurting me and now its hurting random civilians”

So she tells Adrien that they should tell people about it and stop dating in secret

And then multiple possible ending:

Does he say “actually no, youre right, they wouldnt let this happen, so if we cant date in public and dating in secret is hurting us then we shouldnt date at all” and thats how the breakup goes??? That would literally obliterate me

Does the episode end on a false positive where Adrien hasnt told them yet and he is like “yeah this is gonna be great” and there isnt an actual breakup yet?? Because that would also kill me (even though i doubt theyre going to let adrimi take up that much time in the show but, let me dream)

Also if Adrien is like “we shouldnt tell my parents but we should tell someone” and then they tell Marinette and now shes got ANOTHER secret to keep and aaaaaaaAAAAA?? Id die on the spot

I’m still holding out hope that the episode will give me enough crumbs to at least be able to write this better, but regardless of what happens in the episode,,, the chances of me eventually writing fanfiction exploring this are SO HIGH, I’ve been thinking about this for ages

In conclusion:

—no matter what happens in lies, its going to destroy me

—please let them be in a secret relationship it makes so much sense for their characters and for the drama and aaaaAAAAA

—also please give me the parallels to lukanette where their issues are exactly the opposite and it still falls apart

Thank you for your time, I’ll be excitedly vibrating at the speed of sound for the next two days until we get answers!! Depending on how the episode goes, I’ll either be writing so much adrimi fluff to recover,, so much adrimi angst to vent,, or I’ll be staring at the ceiling screaming for a few days as I post nothing but keysmashes and try to sort through my emotions :)

[normal-thoughts-official]

That thing about assumptions on whose more openly affectionate of malec being opposite is so true lol! Like you expect Magnus to be the teasing in public/PDA type but Alecs the one who grabs his ass and kisses him on the cheek and wraps an arm around his waist or shoulders, the one who initiates hand holding and kisses in public, the one who whispers dirty things in his ear?? And magnus adores every minute he just doesnt trust himself to initiate in case it's Too Much or hes being "clingy" :'[

ABSOLUTELY and i think it’s mostly because people don’t realize that magnus and alec’s outer appearance, demeanor-wise, is not only fake, but effectively a defense/coping mechanism

i mean i’ve already talked a lot about magnus many times and it’s been basically canonically established that magnus’ devil-may-care, playboy, detached attitude is the result of him trying to close himself off after too many experiences with abuse

and closing yourself off doesn’t just mean not allowing himself to feel, it also means not letting anyone get too close to you. but magnus can’t really do the “completely isolating yourself in a tower” thing, like Raphael does, because he craves contact and touch and attention and being alone with his thoughts is one of the worst things he can do to himself. 

also, he’s too much of a softie, he’s still there, trying to represent warlocks politically, taking people under his wing. there’s just too much he needs to do, wants to do, so isolating himself physically won’t work. ergo, he needs a facade. a ruse. something between his feelings and others, something to keep him safely isolated and away from people who will- could hurt him and this way he also helps them too, because who needs to have such a broken, despicable, whiny murderer of a friend who brings nothing but emotional baggage to the table?

so he builds this uncaring, detached, but fun persona; someone whose company you can enjoy a lot, who will take you on adventures, who can do a lot of stuff for you, but who’s not deserving FITTING for a deeper relationship, even if just friendship-wise. he’s shallow, he only cares about the Exorbitant Amounts Of Money™ that he’ll get from his “favors” (which is hysterical because I don’t think I’ve seen him being paid a single fucking time in the entire show, not even when fucking lilith showed up at his house claiming to be some warlock he’s never met and asked for a potion, he literally gave it to her for free because she mentioned ragnor. he’s too kind for his own good, honestly. and god the amount of unpaid work he did for these goddamn shadowhunters. unbelievable. he deserved so much better. but anyway, i digress), he’s impulsive and stubborn and listens to no one, he’s all about partying and fashion and sex. so how could he possibly be like in a relationship, if not the teasing one who’s all over the other, showing them off to people, grabbing their ass, gushing over them or whatever. the most surprising part, honestly, would be to see magnus getting in a relationship at all, considering what an unfixable lothario he is and his general disdain for complicated matters - at least in most people’s eyes

as for Alec, well, for many, he’s probably the picture of the Perfect Shadowhunter. clear mind, cool head, cold heart. a soldier so perfect he’s almost a machine, and has never learnt empathy, much less love

it’s obvious that none of this is true, once you take a look. he’s clearly suffering and in a constant battle with himself, not only who he is and who he’s attracted to, but also what he actually believes in - and look, i’m not saying he’s perfect or some kind of woke white savior or anything, cuz he did and said some shitty stuff both in s1 and after it. but he’s also the one who told magnus “take what you need” when magnus needed his strength, and the one who refused to let magnus use his magic to clean the loft when he could do it himself and allow him to rest. and that says a lot. when everyone else, including clary, who supposedly wasn’t even raised in racist shadowhunter culture, treated magnus like a tool, the means to an end, alec remembered magnus’ humanity

so, upon closer inspection, most people would think that he’s just Repressed™. sure, there’s a lot going on in there, that man is conflicted af, and it’s actually a pity. were he raised in another culture, one that wasn’t so set on stripping you of your humanity, he could’ve been a great man. he could have been happy, too. goes to show you how cruel shadowhunters are, even to their own kind. 

so for those people, alec is almost a pity case. he’s stuck in his oppression, helpless, confined. shadowhunter values have been drilled into him so deep that he can’t face his feelings anymore. he lies to himself and smothers any semblance of a “rebellious” thought before it even comes to mind. he’s all but brainwashed, basically

but that’s not exactly true, either

and look, don’t get me wrong, because of course i know that alec struggled like crazy to come to terms with his identity and his attraction. but alec is not brainwashed. if anything, he’s shockingly self-aware 

when he’s in shock after he finds out about his parents and the arranged marriage, he says, “i’ve done everything that they’ve asked, i’ve dedicated all of me to the clave”. he knows exactly what he was sacrificing for them, he knows that there’s a line between what he believes in and what he does because it’s what’s he supposed to, and he knows where it is, too. when he goes on his first date with magnus, he says “i always knew i couldn’t get what i wanted, until you came along”. knew, not thought. it’s not that alec never considered it, always thought it was out of his realm of possibility, couldn’t face the idea; it’s that he thought it over, came to the conclusion that it couldn’t happen, and resigned himself to it. in alec’s eyes, he was making a choice

now, don’t misquote me, because obviously it’s not really a choice when you’re between losing everything you’ve ever had, including your family, or being who you are. i’m not saying that alec chose to be in the closet, i’m saying that he saw it that way. that he was perfectly aware of who he was, and what he wanted, and what he thought, but he knew he couldn’t act on it. there’s a fundamental difference between the way alec acts, and lying or hiding from yourself

so alec is not repressed in the freudian sense of the word, where his desires are all subconscious and whatnot, but in the sense that he won’t act on them

i think alec was never quite good at lying to himself (or anyone, really, but specially not himself. he’s painfully logical and introspective, and he over analyzes everything, including himself. i’m also like this and believe me when i say that it’s almost impossible for me to lie to myself, even when i want to. my therapist and psychiatrist both think it’s appalling lol. lying to yourself is a survivorship skill that i think neither alec nor i ever had)

and then we have the third group of people, the people who realize that, who know that alec knows and actively and consciously represses his desires anyway, but who think that alec is too powerless, too weak, to break out of it. basically another pity case, the poor lightwood boy, so hurt and powerless to do anything about it. 

all of these people are wrong

alec is not weak, he’s- incredibly strong, really. like the shit he did when he came out, that was incredible. and before that, just heading out of the institute to go to magnus’ and help him heal luke when that went straight against clave’s orders? holy shit. straight up ignoring his mom’s calls? id literally die of anxiety before ever being able to do that. and after s1 too, he continuously chose magnus, continuously faced all sorts of enemies, he threatened maryse, who was always the monster under his bed, without batting an eye

alec’s always been strong, and brave, and self-aware. and that’s why his relationship with magnus was way less about figuring out what he wanted or learning how to express his feelings and desires, and way more about allowing himself to do exactly what he wanted. most people would think that alec would need time to adjust to being in a relationship, to being happy, to not looking over his shoulder after every touch or word. that alec would need help to figure out what he was into, what he liked, how to do things, how to feel and to love. but he didn’t, because alec knows himself way too well. once he decided that he could get what he wanted, he just did it and never looked back 

(because he knows how strong he is, too, and there’s an advantage in being trained to be a soldier and diplomat - he’s very aware of his own strengths and how to use them) 

so yeah, there is the reason everyone is wrong and shocked: people assumed that magnus knew what he wanted and was comfortable in his own skin, while alec didn’t. but it’s actually the other way around

if you look at their relationship, the “insecure one” (obviously there’s no such thing as “the insecure one”, everyone has their insecurities, but you know what i mean) was magnus. alec was ready for sex before him, and it seemed that it never occured to alec that he could have fears surrounding that. magnus was the one who was always worried that something would be the Last Straw, make alec leave him. magnus was hesitant to make big gestures of love or just be sappy and romantic, and alec was like “we’ve been dating for 3 months, i think it’s appropriate to propose to magnus”. magnus was scared and insecure, and alec gave zero (0) shits

(not with everything, obviously. i’m not trying to say magnus was the helpless uwu one who needed fixing. just that when it comes to their relationship, magnus was more hesitant than alec was)

because magnus was the one who had been repressing what he wanted. he was the one who couldn’t face the idea of falling in love, of allowing himself to be vulnerable, of being with someone else. after camille, after all the hurt and abuse, he wasn’t ready, and he needed time not only to allow himself to feel, but also to figure out how he feels - to get rid of this deep conviction that he’s worthless, that he should accept crumbs and not look back because it’s the best he’ll ever had. i’ve said that before, but that scene in s2 when magnus gets mad at alec for being a rude bitch, that’s so significant. the magnus from a few years before wouldn’t have said anything, would have just let alec treat him and make excuses for him. “oh he’s new to this,” “oh he was stressed,” “well there’s his brother”, “i was being annoying,” “it’s not his fault”. because that’s what you do when you’ve been through abuse. magnus got into their relationship unwilling to accept being only given crumbs, and unwilling to be anyone’s punchbag. not that alec would do him like that, but it’s important that magnus wouldn’t let him. especially because alec is kind of a dumb bitch who believes people when they say “it’s ok” way too often, so he might not have realized he was hurting magnus, had they met when magnus was in a different headspace

anyway, what i was talking about before i went on yet another big tangent about magnus and his abuse recovery? ah yes, repression

basically what i’m trying to say is: while both magnus and alec struggled with coming to terms with who they are, who they love, and loving and respecting themselves, by the time they got together magnus was the one who needed to be eased into things. he needed time and space to relearn how to be in a relationship, and to be happy in it. while alec needed to jump headfirst into what he wanted and not look back

and look, not to be a disgusting malec stan, but that’s one of the many reasons why they are literal soulmates work so well together. because magnus has been needing someone who loves him so deeply and expresses it so fearlessly, because he’s unused to it, because he’s way too insecure and convinced that he won’t get or doesn’t deserve it. and alec also needs to be able to express his love with abandon, he needs to be affectionate, to tell magnus that he’s beautiful and that every day they’re together is a dream and to give him gifts and to take him to the lock thing and make a romantic dinner with ten dozen red roses because for so long he didn’t allow himself. obviously they both love and are loved, and they both love each other equally and fiercely, and magnus also always expresses it, it’s not a one-way thing. but to alec, being able to express his love and affection for magnus is a wonder, it’s something that he’s still in awe of, realizing that he gets to have this, to be in love and let the whole world see. to say exactly what he feels. i think that’s one of the reasons why alec never beats around the bush, just goes straight into “it’s moments like this, when i’m staring into the eyes of the man that i love,” and his constant Wedding Vowing, because he’s basically bursting with everything he feels, and just how much, and he fucking wants to express it god damn. why the fuck would he be chill? HE GETS TO HAVE THIS, after denying himself for so long

and magnus, well. magnus really needs it. really needs to be convinced that he’s lovable, and that he deserves not only to be loved but to be loved in a fulfilling, caring way. to be happy in a relationship, not just part of it. that he doesn’t have to constantly sacrifice himself for others

and that’s just one of the many ways in which they suit each other so perfectly. because what they need to say is what the other needs to hear, and what they have is so strong it can calm the storm that’s been inside of them for so long. they have the kind of love where they’re sad together, happy together, silly together, angry together, where they get to be competitive dorks and say dumb shit, and also to have slow and calm mornings, and also to feel juts as intensely as they desire. they have it all they are soulmates they have a one in a million kind of connection they are so perfect for each other and in this essay i will

[e8luhs]

i am very excited for refactoring!! i already love the characters. can you tell us more about the main cast? like personality and interests and stuff.

AW YES IM SO GLAD THAT YOURE EXCITED!! i got this ask this morning and it seriously made me want to stay home from school and just infodump. im putting this under a cut since it will probably get a bit long i just kind of wrote down some fun tidbits and etc

mavis

absolute jock-passing nerd. she dresses like she Does Sport even though she did like quiz bowl and whatnot instead.

shes quite chill and thoughtful (its the taurus rising) but gets easily bored and needs constantly new forms of stimulation to stay motivated. she loves a challenge and basically feeds off of that kind of stuff. this really only cancelled out when its something deeply stressful (like being teleported to an entirely new dimension and all that). she CAN settle down into one spot and feel comfortable with that so long as she isnt BORED because GOD FORBID SHES BORED.

mavis likes science but especially astronomy, and despite everything shes actually really into horror movies and the paranormal too. a definite Halloween Enthusiast and also listens to lemon demon dare i say.

whenever shes stressed or frustrated or anxious her knee jerk instinct is to try and joke about it and move on. she isnt really direct about how she feels and whatnot and when she IS its usually via punchline.

silas

silas is probably one of the easiest people to read in the cast. its basically impossible for him to lie or say that hes doing well if he isnt. hes a very honest person and expects that kind of honesty from others also, and it becomes really frustrating for him when people arent direct about how they feel

BECAUUUUSEEEE hes also very empathetic. both of the hao siblings are but he goes about it in a very different way than catriona. hes much more like “I have to know everything about why you are upset or else ill die” because if he sees someone sad and doesnt know why it basically eats him up inside until he knows.

hes also a bit of a jokester not about his feelings or anything but just in general! rather than using it as a defense he just really enjoys making people laugh. silas is very sociable.

sometimes he can be a bit of a try hard.... he is really doing his best and i love him. him and lea and mavis all share a need to establish themselves as something greater than they are and his mainly stems from Youngest Sibling Syndrome with a side of boredom with his own life too. mavis and silas really bond over that but silas didnt really take on any escapist tendencies like mavis did. he pushes himself to take action and try many things and considers many paths.

catriona

she has a teddy bear in her room that she hides in a reading cubby because its still important but she feels that her image as Mature and Put Together matters too much to really share that soft side with others. and i think that basically sums her up as a character.

really just needs some fuckin sleep. she is fueled by various caffeinated beverages (her favorites being an overly elaborate coffee order and arizona green tea). shes articulate, but because shes usually running on 4 or 5 hours of sleep she can sometimes miss small details or starts talking faster than her own thoughts+stumbling over her own words.

shes a bit suspicious of other people because shes had her trust tested a lot. catriona is very like kind and warm still though its just that like... you know. if you wrong her its very hard to win her back and she likely wont trust you with anything again.

shes also much more of a “fix it” kind of person when it comes to problems. she will absolutely provide a shoulder to cry on when you need it but at the end of the day she provides very practical support by trying to provide options. she takes the same approach with her own feelings too.

kirabo

basically like “*softly* dont”. they are very cautious and dont take a lot of risks unless theyre absolutely sure that it will work out and there will be a benefit. however, theyre still optimistic and theyre always able to see the best in other people and in any situation. not really in that toxic kind of positivity way... but as in like they are able to appreciate the small things and whatnot

^ that world view is basically why they are so into botany. its very precise but its something small that you can really appreciate and see your own success in little by little. they also like arts and crafts.

they are incredibly diplomatic despite their initial virgo stubbornness. theyre really open to other perspectives and theyre very patient/understanding. kirabo and catriona are basically opposites in this respect and so they balance eachother out a lot here.... they are like bestest buds.

they are very big on like Emotionally Productive Self Care. kirabo WILL put on a face mask and will be like “dont @ me i am chillin”. and they will be like “enough is enough i am going to knit a fucking scarf a second”. they just have a lot of little hobbies to keep them busy like that because they are super fidgety. anxious energy... the mercury-ism

minka

absolutely hates being underestimated in any capacity. minka is fully aware of her intelligence and capabilities and expresses no qualms with it whatsoever. alot of her insecurity ends up lying in her social life and etc. shes just been through a lot and really just wants to share her passions with other people.

really likes to decorate and APPEARS messy but is super organized. she has that sort of “chaotic order” thing going on where she can locate something even if its under a huge pile of random stuff. she has lots of stickers and lots of color-coding methods too.

will do the “are we there yet” thing and the “why? why? why?” thing. mostly out of curiosity to see how far she can go. she is always so curious about how far she can go with everything. so once she finds company she basically never wants to be alone. shes very talkative and inquisitive.

a baby bi.... she is still figuring it out a little though

lea

a little >:3c and i like love that for her. she has a lot of charisma and energy and those are things that she really NEEDS TO HAVE with being a video game streamer and all but deep down shes just really mischievous and playful too.

i consider her a vriska by technicality. she has a lot of issues revolving around her identity and how people perceive her because so much of the time she deals with people projecting an idea of what shes like onto her. so alot of her thing is allowing herself to just be rather than feeling like she needs to put on a show.

^ shes actually probably one of the hardest people to read in the cast because of that. its not that shes not being herself... its just that she feels like she needs to be a pretty altered version of herself. the neptune in 1st struggle. she also kind of tends to have one foot out the door on everything but it makes her very adaptable. pretty much opposite to mavis in that its hard for her to settle down in any sense.

has a scorpio mercury but a libra venus so basically like “good luck my deep lovecore affections for you will be hidden behind several proxies”. also it just makes it to where she comes off very Intense at first as is the scorpio placement way. but really its fucking great and i love her.

trinity

well theyre a scorpio sun AND a scorpio moon aka theyre like “i will know everything about you but you will never know anything about me ever” and also theyre like *rebirth* *rebirth* *rebirth*

despite what the emotional constipation and capricorn rising may tell you they are seriously A Lot. they make very quick decisions based on any instantaneous assumptions that they have so deep down theyre just very emotional and impulsive. AND intuitive which is partially because they are analytical of others but all around theyre mostly guided by like Vibez.

their precognition is kind of like if you randomly started having dreams during the day and only saw them through your left eye. so more than anything they get kind of like... weird deja vu when they talk to people or go to places that theyve seen in their visions.

really they are just like. okay in theory by first impression they would be a vriska but in actuality they are a rose lalonde because like. come on. theres a certain self-aware yet chaotic and dramatic and repressed je ne sais quoi here

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Showing two sides to an arguement. !!(CHARMED SPOILERS)!!

Can I say this without sounding mean. I'm gonna try. So one, not really an arguement per se, against the Charmed (reboot) is that it is to aggressive/on the nose with its feminist messages and doesnt really explore different sides to the argument. My grandmother said this to me today when I started another rewatch of the show right now and I have seen things on tumblr and on the charmed Facebook page.

I'm sorry but is there a valid arguement about what is or isnt consent from what the show gives us? Like to the line "I can withdraw my consent at any time!" What discussion can we have about that where one of us doesnt sound like a rapist and/or victim blamer?

The Medusa storyline, what debate can we have about a woman who was punished for being raped and then cursed into silence (not being seen) seeking retribution against men who sexually harrass and blackmail teenagers (18-19)? What is there to discuss? Are there multiple versions of the Medusa myth? Yes and she wasnt raped in all of them . The show went with this version. They didn't reinterpret it drastically except for making Medusa a witch. This was a message about how rape victims should be seen and how we should stand up when we see women being shamed and silenced. What is the counter arguement??

Mel protesting sexual harassment and never giving up on a frightened Angela Wu (victim of sexual harrassment). How do we turn these things into a debate where we arent validating the abuse of others?

Does this show have a message. Yes. And why should they have to sugar coat it. Kids shows have messages and dont have debates about why sharing maybe the best thing or why we should be nice to one another. Well their kids shows! ...So what? Does that mean you can't have people with opposing view points (check out Steven Universe, the Rugrats, Boy Meets World)? Shows have had messages. I don't believe Consent, rape, and sexual harrasment are abstract concepts the same way justice or a social contract are. This isnt Captain America: Civil War. We arent debating utilitarianism or whether or not heros should have oversight. These things we can debate and both sides will likely have valid arguements.

But when we are talking about rape and consent... those seem like they should be Pretty straight forward lessons the way Be kind and dont judge a book by its cover have been.

If you arent bothered when children shows or even adult shows send those messages (Be kind, spend time with the ones you love, dont hurt others) with out discussion or debate, but some how are irked or uncomfortable when Charmed pushes messages about consent and rape. Maybe we should really examine ourselves here.

Dont get me wrong! Is it always preferable when a show can provoke debate and show different sides to an argument? Yes, especially on topics which affect how we view the world and how we interact with others in it: nature vs. Nurture, large government vs. Small government, the "common good". But I'm sorry there are somethings that are not up for debate imo.

Including things in the definitions or rape and consent sure we can discuss that. But What am I going to say? Oh you want to say that rape can happen in a marriage? Let's debate that! Oh you think men and women can not consent when drunk or under the influence of any type of decision inhibiting/effecting substances? Let's have a whole episode where we decided if our character was raped or this was just a "drunken mistake". Listen people have these discussion I know, but usually the other side brings up specific scenarios which usually dont match whatever the actual case is.

And granted if the show was going there and making the terms ambiguous then it would be totally valid to have a debate or conversation about it on screen. Like the way they portray vigilantism and talk about the greater good in the show.

If you uncomfortable maybe its they way you view consent or rape not necessarily the way the show is presenting a message. I am not saying you view consent differently than the show! I am talking about how you view consent and rape as subjects versus the show. You may see them like nature vs nurture, consent vs.....whatever you think is a valid defensible opposite of that, so therefore there should be a conversation with an opposing view, but the show views and deals with interacting with rape victims the way a show would view and deal with Kindness: here it is, see it's good, go do it like that.

This is not intended to be a call out post to accuse anyone of anything. This is 100% my opinion on how I think the show writers view consent and rape. I am defending the shows decisions and how they presented thier message, not saying that those who do not are rapists, or do not understand what consent is, or whatever horrible thing you can say about someone. That isnt it at all. And I am sorry if at some point in my mobile phone rant it came off as such. Unless what someone one is saying is pretty much screaming rape apologist, I will not make that accusation.

This is what I think and why I dont think the show could be anything less than on the nose about it. Yall are free to suggest ways they could have been less on the nose and still clear in the message. I'm always willing to listen and eager to discuss ways the show can be improved upon.

[bigskydreaming]

Everybody believes and supports survivors until the second a survivor accuses someone they’re close to. Without fail. Every single goddamn time.

That last reblog...fuck. I’m so mad for that OP I’m shaking. There’s nothing new about their post and that’s what hurts the most. That convo they posted was the same song and dance every single survivor who knows one of their abusers or rapists knows by heart and has heard so many times before they can say the words along with the person they try and confide in.

Doesn’t matter how loud someone is in saying all the right things about believing and supporting survivors, how vehement they are about hating rapists and abusers, how much they present themselves as someone SAFE to be around. The second you accuse someone THEY’VE always felt safe and comfortable around, they will always, always, ALWAYS find a way to tell you you’re wrong and don’t know what you’re talking about, you misremembered or read too much into things or got confused or mistook them for someone else or it wasn’t REALLY rape or abuse or a million fucking things that aren’t actually I SUPPORT YOU. I BELIEVE YOU. THE WAY I’VE CLAIMED TO ALL THIS TIME, MAKING YOU THINK YOU COULD ACTUALLY TELL ME THIS.

And then non-survivors all wonder why so few of us disclose, why so few of us come to you, confide in you, do the exact fucking thing we know will always end the exact fucking way BECAUSE THATS THE WAY IT ALWAYS FUCKING GOES, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU SWEAR ‘I’M NOT LIKE THAT.’

And people wonder why I’m so goddamn VITRIOLIC about abuse and rape apologism in fandoms, and so goddamn adamant about not encouraging people to forgive and move on, and so fucking insistent on holding ppl accountable, whether fictional characters or celebrities or random fucking posters, for shit they’ve done even years before, not giving them the benefit of the doubt that they’ve changed and grown and learn from their lesson, like why am I so sure they’re still like that, ‘you don’t know’.

Except yeah. I do. Because its all so fucking predictable. The sheer number of times I’ve heard variations of that same exact combo since the first time I tried to confide in someone growing up about the shit my mom did to me....I honestly can not count. I can name less than five people I’ve confided in over the twenty five years or so since then who ACTUALLY made me feel safe in doing so, who just sat there and shut up and didn’t try to do or say anything other than “I’m sorry you had to live that, I’m sorry that happened to you.” But I couldn’t even BEGIN to tell you the number of times I’ve tried to open up with people about the shit that hurt me, that terrified me, that traumatized me, only to have them turn around and with ‘good intentions’ awkwardly try and mitigate it and dilute it and water it down or reframe it or give her the benefit of the doubt AS THOUGH ITS THEIR PLACE TO DO SO because she’s my mom and you all just can’t fucking HANDLE living in a world where moms do that shit to their kids. But you still expect ME to, without any of that much vaunted ‘belief and support’ you’re always going on and on and ON about, while you keep living in fantasy land where actually, what actually happened was she was just trying her best and it wasn’t her fault and it was all just bad dreams and remembering shit wrong because who really remembers stuff from when they were kids anyway? LOLOLOL. Fun fact. Once you know what a wire hanger feels like after its been heated on a stove, THATS NOT SOMETHING YOU EVER FUCKING FORGET.

And its exhausting. So. FUCKING. Exhausting.

Like the true, honest to god reason I don’t have any fucking chill when it comes to judging people for characters they stan for or the arguments they make in defense of abusive characters or how people will go to fucking hell and back to defend their right to enjoy their precious noncon rape fantasy smut in peace?

I’ll be totally fucking honest with you, on some fucked up level that I acknowledge is unfair but I just honestly don’t give a fuck - its a test. I admit it. It is. Because at this point in my life, this far into it, this many times listening to the same shit play out any and every single time it comes up, I fundamentally do not trust, do not feel safe, or secure, or capable of fully relaxing, around anyone unless and until I’ve seen them willing to sacrifice something. Give up something or someone, a character or celeb or friend or relative who they formerly were close to or took comfort in or spoke highly of, because that character or celeb or whomever did something that was a dealbreaker, hurt someone or said or did something that made them go you know what, enough, that’s too far, no amount of joy or comfort or security I formerly felt because of this character or person can justify this thing they did, I can see that and this is me actually DOING something with that acknowledgment.

It doesn’t have to be for my benefit, doesn’t have to be for a reason I personally agree with, whatever, it just needs to be SOMETHING. Something visible, something real. Not just hating certain characters or celebs or people, but ones who once meant something to you, something that says.....I used to think this person or this character or this celeb was good and I could like them or even love them and be comfortable and safe around them.....but then someone told me otherwise and I BELIEVED THEM. I SUPPORTED THEM. I. PICKED. THEM.

Because without that, it just is what it is. I don’t care if its not rational, or fair, I just don’t. Twenty five years of the same broken record, I’m tired. I’ve heard “I believe, I support” to the accompanying tune of actions that say the exact opposite so many fucking times it does honestly take a shock to the system, the goddamn JOLT of actually SEEING the proof that at least once, you DID believe someone, you DID do something with that belief, for me to actually think oh fuck, they actually mean it this time instead of oh look, a person who gets off to rape fic is reblogging a ‘look how much I support survivors, Im such a good person’ ego-stroke again.

You can say all you want oh its just fiction, it doesn’t mean anything that I stan this abusive character or this celeb I don’t know, if a person in my REAL LIFE came to me and said this other person I know hurt them, I’d believe THEM, that’d be totally different....but its NOT. Its not remotely and I dont know how so many ppl actually buy this shit coming out of their own mouths cuz if it doesnt really matter cuz its a fictional character or a celeb you dont even know and you STILL cant bear to give up whatever enjoyment you get out of them once its pointed out hey that person or character you enjoy is a fucking rapist....then how the FUCK do you delude yourself you’d be able to give up a person you’ve spent any length of time trusting and being comfortable around in your real, personal life, if someone else disclosed to you that they fucking abused or raped them??? YOU WOULDN’T. AND I KNOW YOU WOULDN’T, BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE THING YOU GUYS SAY IN DEFENSE OF THESE CELEBS OR THESE PEOPLE ARE THE EXACT WORDS I’VE HEARD SAID OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

So many of you act like you think there’s this magical fucking SIGN you expect to get from on high, if shit like this ever happened in real life, that would magically distinguish it as an OH SHIT THIS TIME ITS FOR REAL moment, like okay NOW its make it or break it time, NOW it matters. And survivors keep telling you over and over again it ALWAYS matters. EVERY TIME you say this shit it ALWAYS matters, because what you’re always saying is what EVERYONE says.....”if I try hard enough, I can find SOME WAY to excuse this shit, so I don’t have to lose anything here, so I can keep going through life exactly as I have been.”

Somehow, some way, it always plays out the same....the SECOND we do or say something that puts someone on the spot, makes them CHOOSE, who will I believe, who will I support.....they always, always, ALWAYS find a way to support the other person, to make you the easy one to discard and toss away, like you’re the problem, you’re the enemy for making them choose in the first place.

Ugh. Fuck it. Whatever. I’m tired and gotta get back to work anyway. Not to be bitter or resentful, but that’s what happens when you’ve got no family as a support system cuz you ‘alienated’ them all by spending most of your life hating them for making you spend every Tuesday night alone with the woman they’ll still never admit abused you every week like clockwork til you finally fucking put your foot down and fucking revolted when you were ten, lmao.

[sheith-gives-me-life]

Can people chill about the Acxa thing?

Why is everyone freaking out about this? Am I the only one that thinks the whole Axca deal might be used as a catalyst plot point for Sheith? Cause now we are stuck in the status quo, a disaster gay and a distinguished gay both in equal positions of power as leaders of big giant robots, who both can be considered each other's most important person in the whole show but apparently they did not have any chances to freaking discuss things (the fight?? the dying+coming back to life?? the confession????) between them until now. And lets not forget that learning your ex with whom you had a bad break up died before you could get some closure means Shiro would need some time to himself and Keith precious soul that he is would keep some distance and offer Shiro the space he needs.

Not to mention they are STILL busy with the whole defenders of the universe thing, drowning in responsibilities and the such so they are probably both being stupid about the whole thing. We need something to move things along in a sense or we will remain in this standstill of these two pining idiots.

Considering the above I want Lance to burst in a room at some point in s8 to announce to anyone available to listen "You will not believe who just got a new girlfriend", enter Pidge "Lance we dont really care about your gossip" meanwhile Shiro just carries on with whatever he is doing at the moment but Lance goes on "This is not simple gossip because I just found out that the Mullet of all people hooked up with Acxa!"

Naturaly Lance is missinformed but nobody in the room knows that for sure so there are various reactions to the "news" and then Shiro's brain finally catches up with the conversation "Wait what?"

"Acxa! You know, Lotor's former general that helped us out that one time? Keep up with the news Shiro"

"I know who she is, Lance"

"Well she and Keith are a thing now! You know dating and stuff"

"Keith doesnt do "dating"

Que all heads in the room turning to look at him weirdly and someone asks "How do you know?"

"I just... do?"

Lance keeps pocking "No wait seriously, how WOULD you know whether Keith dates people or not?"

Disaster gay Shiro is back and frustrated as hell "Can we focus on the more important issue here?? Lance where and when did you here about this?" (same energy as contract that pod moment)

Meanwhile somewhere else Keith has talked with Acxa "You do not really see me that way right? Ezor and Zethrid were just taunting us?" and after Acxa reafirms this "Would that have been a problem?Because you are awfully defensive about this." Keith explains he just wants things to be clear and he is not interested and "There is someone else. Has been for quite a while" and Acxa making conversation asks "Is there any specific reason why you and this someone are not together yet?" "Actually... I could use some advise on that front."

And it AAAAALLLL goes downhill from there. Or the opposite. Depends on how you look at it. I dont know its just a thought I had and I feel like that or something similar is the ONLY route I could see this supposed love triangle going.

[captainshyguy]

ok so i saw the new su eps and uhhh here’s my thoughts 

under a read more bc whilst i did like some bits i uhhh....didn’t like most of it and i dont rly wanna spam peeps with negativity 

the good 

stevonnie with stubble??? iconic 

for a second i thought yellow diamond had a new colour palette that included brown and it was actually p cool lmao 

pink diamond’s design like?? colour wise is really nice (is she like....small though??? i cant tell??) though i thought she had spiky hair and shoulder pads??? maybe she was poofed in the past idk 

it was nice seeing the off colours again 

that picture of yellow pearl that was kinda a selfie and had yellow in the background FGKASJGNSAKGJSDG 

the jungle planet was pretty 

a lot of people didn’t like lars acting pissy about sadie but uhhh....at least it was somewhat in character like this dude is fucknig stranded in space ofc he’s gonna be a bit unstable and get upset over something small like that and thinknig his friend doesnt miss him 

the bad 

hoo boy where do i start 

i genuinely hated how lars was somehow inexplicably okay with everything that’s currently happening like if he’s repressing then like??? okay but still it’s been what??? a month and he’s suddenly an adept captain and pilot, he’s literally a teenager and yet he’s the captain among a group of gems who are THOUDSANDS OF YEARS OLD 

what we SHOULD have seen was him being like a parallel to steven at the start, the others should have been in control and protecting him, (liek the crystal gems!!!) and he’s there, a lil fragile, not exactly, oaky, but he’s being protected, he’s getting by, and the off colours love him! 

if they wanted to go this route, they should have....idk actually shown us him changing and developing like this, instead of having his character ‘development’ be offscreen bc it was so genuinely jarring to me and i hated it (like i really started identifying with/liking lars during the last homeworld arc when he and steven were captured, i thought that was a great direction for his character to go in like, not quite okay but getting there and maturing??? but having him be weirdly hammy and suddenly super duper okay pissed me off lmao)

listen the pacing for steven universe episodes has been off for a long time but it was super obvious here, like??? we just kept jumping from thing to thing, it felt so clunky, and they also didn’t tell us how long stevonnie was on that jungle planet for???? 

why did stevonnie literally murder that creature instantly, like i get self defense, but it attacked ONCE this is steven and connie??? it would have been more in character for them to try and struggle and get away first, then if they needed to kill it, then idk have them apologise and close their eyes and do it?? 

also su has just been going down in quality ever since the crystal gems got demoted from capable fighters who we get to see do cool fighting stuff and being like...idk actual protectors and guardians towards steven, and idk...actually trying, to just barely there parental figures 

SPEAKING OF WHY DIDN’T THE CGS GO WITH CONNIE AND STEVEN THEY JUST GOT STEVEN BACK FROM SPACE??? THEY WOULDN’T JUST LET HIM GO AGAIN WITH JUST CONNIE IM??

what was the actual point in emerald besides being ridiculous, i miss when gems were kinda threatening lmao like GOD do you remember when we first met jasper and peridot??? that was THRILLING (like the only ones that feel threatening anymore are blue and yellow)

why does steven have like a bajillion powers???? listen i get the ability to go into people’s minds/dreams if they’re ACTUALLY ALIVE and nearby, i have a gem oc of my own that has dream manipulation but how the FUCK did he access one of pink diamonds memories when she’s shattered (or possibly bubbled considering some of the other evidence) is it bc he’s half human?? does that somehow give him more power/versatility??? 

ok this is less about the episode but whilst im on the topic of steven and his powers, why is rose’s shield this all powerful thing??? we’ve seen how many rose quartz’s there are (or were lmao) and idk if a weapon is completely unique to that gem or if among thousands of rose quartz’s a few others will have that same shield but like?? what made rose so powerful??? how could her shield protect the others from corruption, like why is her weapon SO ABOVE that of almost every other gem, like surely if homeworld wanted to corrupt the gems, especially rose quartz for starting all this, they’d....idk actually make a weapon that can bypass her shield lmao 

idk i just????? the show’s been going downhill for me, i really think if they had 22 minute long episodes instead of 11 minute ones, they’d actually be able to answer questions and write consistently/cohesively instead of the rushed clunky, mess we have at the minute that creates more questions than it answers idk man the writing feels inconsistent and bad and im kidna tired of it??? honestly if su doesnt pick up, when it eventually ends, im just gonna rewrite the canon in my head lmao bc at this rate, it doesnt feel like they’ll ever actually??? stop blue and yellow diamond, we haven’t seen white diamond at all yet, they haven’t liberated any of the other gem planets (honestly we dont necessarily need to see that, but like....that’s something we kinda need to have at least mentioned bc like..what even is the goal of this series???? are they gonna take down homeworld or uhh???? bc of not then we’re really just back at square one??) they didn’t even free the people from the human zoo??? they’re not really doing anything to advance the plot 

i get that su is supposed to be quite lighthearted but like, they arent really handling it well, like you can do a lighthearted series/piece of media meant for kids and STILL give it an interesting story/plot that can be kinda serious (see voltron, gravity falls, super paper mario) without making it too dark or doing the opposite and trivializing the plot and making it underwhelming??? and that’s what they’re doing lmao, it feels so underwhelming and stagnant at this point bah 

im still watching to the end but again...i’ll probs end up making my own canon 

[anna-2807]

Ok, ladies. You’ve asked for it and here it is.

We sent out Part 1 of this topic (which focused on women not having sex), and within minutes we started receiving comments from women complaining about their husbands not wanting sex.

So many people wanted to know why I took the slanted approach of wives who are refusing their husbands. Honestly, I took that approach because that is what I have been seeing in my office in droves lately.

But listen, the problem goes both ways, and by the end of the day, it was obvious I was going to have to address this issue from the opposite point of view.

Women who find themselves in a sexless marriage have many of the same frustrations as men.

They feel frustrated, alone, embarrassed and angry.

They also feel insecure.

They wonder if they are sexy enough, attractive enough or thin enough.

It is confusing to hear female friends complain about husbands who want it all the time and then come back to a home where no one is pursuing her. Our culture feeds the notion that men are hypersexual, so if you are married to a man who isn’t all that interested, well…there must be something wrong with the woman.

If you are a woman whose husband isn’t interested in sex, you feel like a freak.

Marriage is a partnership. You enter it voluntarily and there are spoken and unspoken agreements.

One of those agreements is that there will be a sexual relationship. When one partner refuses to participate, it is exceptionally selfish.

A sexless marriage feels so powerless and frustrating.

There just isn’t any way around it. Sex is important in a relationship.

It is the one thing that keeps you from just being roommates sharing the same bed.

There are several reasons why a husband doesn’t want sex with his wife.

Physical reasons – It’s always good to start with a checkup to make sure there isn’t something going on physically or hormonally. Low testosterone is fairly common, but I find that raising T levels doesn’t always fix the problem. Still, this is the easiest place to start and begin ruling out factors.

Pornography – This is a touchy subject for many people. There are experts out there who will tell you that pornography enhances sex for couples. I strongly disagree. I find porn causes many more sexual problems than any other single item on this list. Porn changes the brain, and not in a good way. Check out www.yourbrainonporn.com to see what I mean. I don’t recommend it for either men or women, and I’ve seen it cause a lot of harm in relationships. You can also check out the posts we have here on porn use. If your man doesn’t want sex, it could be because he is using porn. If this is the culprit, the fix is cutting off the porn use cold turkey and retraining his brain to increase his desire for a real person.

The quality of your relationship – I think everyone knows that women need emotional connection to increase physical desire. This same thing can be said for men as well. If a man is feeling criticized or belittled by you, he will shut down sexually. (See also: Help! I don’t find my wife attractive). You can’t rage at him or tell him he needs to “be a man” and then expect him to want to have sex with you. A man needs to feel respected by you. If you are talking down to him, treating him like a child, telling him what to do and when to do it, your sex life will suffer.

Performance Anxiety – Men have a lot of pressure to perform. They cannot fake what they don’t feel. Some men are so worried about maintaining an erection or ejaculating prematurely, they shut down and avoid sexual contact altogether. Anxiety is certainly a mood killer. Please don’t minimize the impact performance anxiety can have on a man. I worked with a couple where the man had one episode of not being able to maintain his erection. All his wife said was “Well, that was disappointing”. He became so worried that he would have a repeat performance that it happened again several times. After three or four failed attempts, he shut down. They couldn’t resume a normal sex drive until he dealt with his anxiety. Drugs like Cialis can help but many men are resistant to taking them. The best defense is to deal with the anxiety.

Lack of non-sexual touch – Many women don’t believe this one but I see it quite a lot actually. Not every man needs a lot of physical touch like holding hands, hugging and kissing but many of them do. If you are stand-offish and you are constantly thwarting his attempts to be close to you, he will likely pull back sexually as well. When your guy comes up behind you and puts his arms around you, he is risking rejection. If you stiffen or push him away frequently, he feels unwanted and unwelcomed. This carries over into the bedroom as well.

Depression – Men often get depressed and the symptoms go unrecognized. Depression in men often looks like anger and withdrawal. Sexual desire would be one of the casualties of depression for both men and women.

Your attitude about sex – You may not ever openly reject your husband’s advances but if your attitude is “get this over with quickly” you are certainly dousing the mood. For a woman to have good sex, it requires skill on her lover’s part. For a man to have good sex, it requires an eager partner who is obviously enjoying herself. I have heard many men tell me they would rather masturbate than have sex with a woman who just lies there.

He is having an affair. I can’t count the number of times I have had a couple in my office where the man doesn’t want sex with his wife but comes to therapy to work on the relationship and it comes out later that he is having an affair. This disinterest in sex is usually accompanied by a general disinterest in being together at all. He may say he is working on things, but if he remains very detached and disinterested it is certainly a factor I would consider.

If your husband doesn’t want sex, it is time to find out what is going on.

Too many people keep ignoring this situation and hoping things will get better on their own. Sometimes they do but if things have been going this way for months or years, stop waiting and start pressing for some answers.

If you ask your husband why he doesn’t want sex, he is almost certainly going to tell you he doesn’t know. And that may very well be the truth.

He may have no idea why he doesn’t want sex.

He may not be able to make the connection between how he feels and his libido. He just knows he doesn’t want it as often as you do.

So your conversation needs to go something like this:

“Honey, we aren’t having sex enough for me to feel like I’m getting what I need and want from this relationship. This is really a problem for me. It is very important to me that we get to the bottom of what is going on. I’d like for you to make a doctor’s appointment for a physical checkup and if everything is normal there, I will make an appointment for us to see someone who specializes in this area. I know this may make you uncomfortable, but I love you and our life together too much to just let this go any longer. I’m building up some serious resentment and I’m afraid if we don’t tackle this problem together, I will continue to detach and continue to feel hurt and rejected.”

If he refuses to talk to anyone with you, let him know you will be going alone. If you are at the point where you are considering leaving the marriage, I would respectfully let him know you are disappointed in his decision to avoid the subject and you aren’t sure what this means for the future of your relationship. You aren’t giving idle threats. You are just being honest and letting him know this is serious.

Then the most important part is to FOLLOW THROUGH. Make an appointment with someone who is comfortable and knowledgeable to talk to you about sexual problems.

Contact us online or call us to make an appointment today. Calling us can be your first step toward restoring the sexual pleasure in your relationship.

[neuropathicgypsy]

Me: why did i have a dream that i was protecting a baby from my mom and I was so much about it, i woke up kicking my foot and yelling to keep her from going in my room?

Military Dude: you used to have a doll that you would practice protect ing but this particular girl you were protecting her and her mom from being killed by an abusive husband and you didn't trust your mom. She was angry, thought it was someone you wanted as your mom, not realizing you were home from school because you actually were saving people at 8 years old. I know this is particularly hard for you because you keep crying. But they want to meet you. Is that ok?

Me, tears rolling down my cheeks: yes

Military Dude: They dont know what yoive been doing in life. But this is your true success story. She became an advocate for domestic abuse victims and runs a shelter. Her daughter is a doctor. They're both married and had more children. I know you're tired and this may be the break you need. You think so, yes?

Me: i do. Matt needs help, too.

Matt: no im fine

Me: you're not but whatever

Military Dude: your anger at him is what helps you to be clearer on what you need to do, doesn't it?

Me: it makes me not cry. He holds me back a lot and its not healthy.

Military Dude: she knows a lot of tricks to help you with that. You know you defend alot of people with great success. So people dont realize how much help you need to defend yourself. Why is that?

Me: I can't defend myself readily. It does help,me,to see that people are bad and so when i see others being hurt, i know i need to help them because I understand they can't readily defend themselves.

Military Dude: why is the word readily? You don't have the power or ?

Me: no. If im not on the receiving end of help then how can,i really know i make a difference?

Military Dude: except they thank you.

Me: i have been defending myself a lot but its become a game to some

Military Dude: like don Schumacher and your mom

Me: i don't play that way. They know the truth and they cover it with poop but under the shit the truth peeks out

Military Dude: like a bone on the west mesa due to a series of events like a housing crunch and,a flood. And that's what you need, quite literally.

Me: im in a housing crunch. My mortgage hasn't been paid in 21 months and im at my parents.

Military Dude: yeah i hear you

Me: think my tears count as a flood?

Military Dude: and your anger. Im not going to get you out of there, that's not my job. Im just to see if you're viable to use a resource to seek comfort.

Black girl: yeah i know she is!

Me: how long do i have to wait?

Military Dude: IDK yet. But yesterday after you were crying in the car because your shoulder and neck hurt and you still can't work and do normal things and you're tired of your mom bullying you and pretending to be you and destroying everything she can, like its a game and asking for help. We decided to analyze your situation a little better because we aren't getting you.

Me: I'm quite simple, actually. Its others that are complicating.

Military Dude: we are from the DOJ so we will see what we can do, including dealing with your mom. Your dad sent her to the commissary and you said she would just look for guys to fuck and i assure you that she is. However i am not dealing with that. Its her ego that is in check but its not working. Why is that?

Me: thats all she is

Military Dude: evil ego. Nothing else?

Me: nope. She uses what she's punished with to punish others. She doesn't even understand the concept of why

Military Dude: shes just control. Is her evil encouraged?

Me: she encourages people to be evil. Like its the opposite of defense yet the same

Military Dude: so she's twisted it.

Me: yep. Don/Jennifer have been encouraging.

Military Dude: sometimes do you feel that acknowledging her evil is a form of encouraging?

Me: used to be that way but Jennifer has encouraged her that ignoring is ignorance and,it empowers her to be worse and worse

Military Dude: until you blow up and,start yelling and throwing shit?

Me: yeah. But my dad doesn't like it

Military Dude: is it effective?

Me: if only hate is applied constantly

Military Dude: but that's not your forte?

Me: i would have to kill her if i did.

Military Dude: is that why your dad told you to stop?

Me: yeah. But if i got rid of her body successfully would i be in trouble?

Military Dude laughs: don't ask me that, besides shes a large body to cook for the dogs and you can't stand or use your shoulders that long.

Me: don't disappoint my audiences! I can get help!

Matt laughs; shut the fuck up please!!

Military Dude: well our half hour is up.

Me: so that lady whose military husband abused her, she doesnt encourage cooking people?

Military Dude: probably is that ok with you?

Me: my thing is that i just want to be left alone! I don't want to deal with socio paths and ignorant people.

Military Dude: well my thing is she tried to tell you what to do and you told her you wouldnt listen and,find another subject then you went and did the thing she told you not to do! Then justified it with precise accuracy like a sharp shooter sniper. So how can anyone help you?

Me: a lot of money, listening (to me, especially Matthew and where it regards my kids)

Military Dude: not interfering with your curent flow of life.

Me: I desperately need my current flow interfered with. That goes under listening. Not interfering with what i say and want. Example: don't change all the hospital procedures because i want all mine done,at once. Let me,do it all at once. Example: dont,interfere with the flow of,truth. I keep complaining how I'm interrupted.

Military Dude: that's what i mean.

Me: jess gave proper diagnosis and solutions yesterday

Military Dude: why do you go to him? You're starting to cry.... Is he like snoop?

Me: snoop is great. He tries to cheer me,up. I guess the libra connection there works

Military Dude: jesse is Aries, the complete opposite, I see

Me: I'm,used,to always telling my mom my problems so my dad tells her how to,fix them

Military Dude: money. Is that,an obstacle for you?

Me: the biggest, hugest obstacle ever.

Military Dude: it would aleve alot of stress?

Me: HUGE!!! The kids always remark how calm,i am. But money tightens my chest ans i can't .... Paralizes me. Especially with the fact,i have asked,and asked for help so,i can help,eliminate some of my moms enormous ego

Military Dude: now that,was what i was asking. How to eliminate that!!!!

[mounicalucia-blog]

What not having sex is doing to your marriage, part 2

Ok, ladies. You’ve asked for it and here it is.

We sent out Part 1 of this topic (which focused on women not having sex), and within minutes we started receiving comments from women complaining about their husbands not wanting sex.

So many people wanted to know why I took the slanted approach of wives who are refusing their husbands. Honestly, I took that approach because that is what I have been seeing in my office in droves lately.

But listen, the problem goes both ways, and by the end of the day, it was obvious I was going to have to address this issue from the opposite point of view.

Women who find themselves in a sexless marriage have many of the same frustrations as men.

They feel frustrated, alone, embarrassed and angry.

They also feel insecure.

They wonder if they are sexy enough, attractive enough or thin enough.

It is confusing to hear female friends complain about husbands who want it all the time and then come back to a home where no one is pursuing her. Our culture feeds the notion that men are hypersexual, so if you are married to a man who isn’t all that interested, well…there must be something wrong with the woman.

If you are a woman whose husband isn’t interested in sex, you feel like a freak.

Marriage is a partnership. You enter it voluntarily and there are spoken and unspoken agreements.

One of those agreements is that there will be a sexual relationship. When one partner refuses to participate, it is exceptionally selfish.

A sexless marriage feels so powerless and frustrating.

There just isn’t any way around it. Sex is important in a relationship.

It is the one thing that keeps you from just being roommates sharing the same bed.

There are several reasons why a husband doesn’t want sex with his wife.

Physical reasons – It’s always good to start with a checkup to make sure there isn’t something going on physically or hormonally. Low testosterone is fairly common, but I find that raising T levels doesn’t always fix the problem. Still, this is the easiest place to start and begin ruling out factors.

Pornography – This is a touchy subject for many people. There are experts out there who will tell you that pornography enhances sex for couples. I strongly disagree. I find porn causes many more sexual problems than any other single item on this list. Porn changes the brain, and not in a good way. Check out www.yourbrainonporn.com to see what I mean. I don’t recommend it for either men or women, and I’ve seen it cause a lot of harm in relationships. You can also check out the posts we have here on porn use. If your man doesn’t want sex, it could be because he is using porn. If this is the culprit, the fix is cutting off the porn use cold turkey and retraining his brain to increase his desire for a real person.

The quality of your relationship – I think everyone knows that women need emotional connection to increase physical desire. This same thing can be said for men as well. If a man is feeling criticized or belittled by you, he will shut down sexually. (See also: Help! I don’t find my wife attractive). You can’t rage at him or tell him he needs to “be a man” and then expect him to want to have sex with you. A man needs to feel respected by you. If you are talking down to him, treating him like a child, telling him what to do and when to do it, your sex life will suffer.

Performance Anxiety – Men have a lot of pressure to perform. They cannot fake what they don’t feel. Some men are so worried about maintaining an erection or ejaculating prematurely, they shut down and avoid sexual contact altogether. Anxiety is certainly a mood killer. Please don’t minimize the impact performance anxiety can have on a man. I worked with a couple where the man had one episode of not being able to maintain his erection. All his wife said was “Well, that was disappointing”. He became so worried that he would have a repeat performance that it happened again several times. After three or four failed attempts, he shut down. They couldn’t resume a normal sex drive until he dealt with his anxiety. Drugs like Cialis can help but many men are resistant to taking them. The best defense is to deal with the anxiety.

Lack of non-sexual touch – Many women don’t believe this one but I see it quite a lot actually. Not every man needs a lot of physical touch like holding hands, hugging and kissing but many of them do. If you are stand-offish and you are constantly thwarting his attempts to be close to you, he will likely pull back sexually as well. When your guy comes up behind you and puts his arms around you, he is risking rejection. If you stiffen or push him away frequently, he feels unwanted and unwelcomed. This carries over into the bedroom as well.

Depression – Men often get depressed and the symptoms go unrecognized. Depression in men often looks like anger and withdrawal. Sexual desire would be one of the casualties of depression for both men and women.

Your attitude about sex – You may not ever openly reject your husband’s advances but if your attitude is “get this over with quickly” you are certainly dousing the mood. For a woman to have good sex, it requires skill on her lover’s part. For a man to have good sex, it requires an eager partner who is obviously enjoying herself. I have heard many men tell me they would rather masturbate than have sex with a woman who just lies there.

He is having an affair. I can’t count the number of times I have had a couple in my office where the man doesn’t want sex with his wife but comes to therapy to work on the relationship and it comes out later that he is having an affair. This disinterest in sex is usually accompanied by a general disinterest in being together at all. He may say he is working on things, but if he remains very detached and disinterested it is certainly a factor I would consider.

If your husband doesn’t want sex, it is time to find out what is going on.

Too many people keep ignoring this situation and hoping things will get better on their own. Sometimes they do but if things have been going this way for months or years, stop waiting and start pressing for some answers.

If you ask your husband why he doesn’t want sex, he is almost certainly going to tell you he doesn’t know. And that may very well be the truth.

He may have no idea why he doesn’t want sex.

He may not be able to make the connection between how he feels and his libido. He just knows he doesn’t want it as often as you do.

So your conversation needs to go something like this:

“Honey, we aren’t having sex enough for me to feel like I’m getting what I need and want from this relationship. This is really a problem for me. It is very important to me that we get to the bottom of what is going on. I’d like for you to make a doctor’s appointment for a physical checkup and if everything is normal there, I will make an appointment for us to see someone who specializes in this area. I know this may make you uncomfortable, but I love you and our life together too much to just let this go any longer. I’m building up some serious resentment and I’m afraid if we don’t tackle this problem together, I will continue to detach and continue to feel hurt and rejected.”

If he refuses to talk to anyone with you, let him know you will be going alone. If you are at the point where you are considering leaving the marriage, I would respectfully let him know you are disappointed in his decision to avoid the subject and you aren’t sure what this means for the future of your relationship. You aren’t giving idle threats. You are just being honest and letting him know this is serious.

Then the most important part is to FOLLOW THROUGH. Make an appointment with someone who is comfortable and knowledgeable to talk to you about sexual problems.

Contact us online or call us to make an appointment today. Calling us can be your first step toward restoring the sexual pleasure in your relationship.

Visit - https://themarriageplace.com/2017/01/husband-doesnt-want-sex/

[izayasworld-blog]

The shame

In my last post I promised to tell how to build yourself a category of yourself and develop your own confidence. However we can not start that without first knowing some basics about human’s ability to feel shame. I will talk about different types of shame’s. There is shame that is considered good by majority of therapists and then there is shame that is considered as bad one by this same majority of therapists. 

What is good shame? Good shame and feeling of guilt walk with hand in hand. When a child does something bad he normally feels guilt of it, also possibly a bit shame which can be considered as embarrasment. However sometimes these children feel the bad shame. It is shame about existing. Feeling of wainting to get accepted by their parents because they need their parents and they are afraid that their parents will abandon them. Why do these children feel that way? What in parents’ behaviour causes it? 

Well, usually these humans are referred as ‘shame humans’. They got scared already when they were born or incest, raping, abuse... Such things cause this shame. It is deep shame and it affects the whole person’s personality. The way he thinks and feels. Usually children who were separated from their mother right after their birth into world don’t get the needed connection with their mother. The first days and hours of the baby’s life outside of the womb are extremely important. Even though the baby was separated by taking him to some emergency room or such because he was too small for breast feeding, it still caused the baby a damage to his personality. He got the emotion of ‘not being wanted’ that he was broken or damaged and just not good enough to be accepted. Necessary connection with baby and mother wasn’t there then. On those first hours the mother draws the baby’s lines and basically the baby becomes a whole but if the mother is not there, then the baby won’t have these lines and he might never become completely independent from his parents as an adult. This is a very difficult issue to explain. But this is just one of the cases. 

Other cases are such as raping, abuse or incest. They all cause different types of shame but basically this shame in its purest model is the need of being loved and accepted. Parents can easily damage their children’s minds by just using certain type of sentences. For example when the children wants to dress up somehow the mother might say ‘ No, you certainly won’t do that, what will the neighbours think of it too? ‘. Here the mother is expressing that the child is somehow damaged and causes shame for the whole family. It’s the worst kind of sentence to say to a child. For a child the parents are like gods because they need them for surviving. Their words are universal truths for the children. So if the parents judge and criticize their children for how they look like or punish them from showing themselves. The children’s minds become shamehumans’ minds. They try to be good children because they fear that if they don’t they will get abandoned. A big part of the children’s own personality is thrown away. For a good girl her bad sides do not exist anymore. Which leads into stress, anxiety even depression as an adult. The good girl won’t say her own opinions. dress up the way she truly wants to or such because she is afraid of being abandoned by other humans and she is constantly looking for acceptance. With some others it might be opposite. They become rebellious. They isolate themselves from other humans because they don’t want to face any criticism and this leads into more shame. The humans think that they are not supposed to even exist because it’s way too shameful. The shame leads into chronical loneliness, emotional loneliness and social loneliness. Which again causes depression, anxiety, panic disorders and other mental diseases and disorders. Narcissm is also caused by huge shame that the narcisst got to experience during his childhood. 

There are different types of shamehumans. 

Successfull one - Tries his everything to success but doesn’t feel any satisfaction of things he succeed in. 

Victim - victimizes himself and blames others for his suffering and himself for not being accepted. 

Leader - Thinks that others cant survive without his organizing skills.

Clown - the one who is always talking and amusing others. Looking for acceptance and attention by this. Can’t stand quiet house or peace, always needs some noise around him. Usually they steal the show alone. 

Intelligent one - Looks down on emotional people, only interested in science, very lonely usually because cant find company that matches his intelligence level, doesnt like chitchatting, isnt really interested in other humans. 

These stereotypes are just few of many shamehuman stereotypes and I can find many of them in myself as well. When I was a baby, I was separated from my mother right after the birth which lead into me becoming a shamehuman. I was constantly criticized and judged by my mother, grandmother and so on trough my childhood and even still nowadays am. I was the first child in our family. Obviously I got to experience the hardest since my parents were.. well new parents obviously. My parents probably never knew how their actions affected my mind when I was a child. Top of that I got to experience bullying at school during my first years and this is how I became very insecure and almost invicible. I was afraid to open my mouth in the class during my primary school life. It also led me to practice karate which helped me trough junior high school. I had developed myself a role in junior high and that’s why most of other pupils didn’t dare to pick on me. However I was also kind of lonely wolf. I didn’t feel comfortable in groups of people at all. I was rebel and dressed the way I wanted because I was mostly pissed off at my mother from judging me from dressing however I wanted. I did a lot, I had many hobbies and I was very active, constantly looking for my parents acceptance but it was never enough. Even nowadays it feels like I have not gotten it and actually I’m bad at taking criticism from other humans as well. Here I’ve got to tell one case that happened during my high school life. I was assigned to create application lists for our school’s wintersports day and I didn’t know how to do it. Still, I tried to do it and did my best with it. Those weren’t good enough lists so our teacher took me to laptop so that we would do them again together. She was criticizing or more like judging me for doing them wrongly. Basically saying that I hadn’t tried or such. I tried to explain that I didn’t know how to do them expressing that I knew that they weren’t good enough. Then she said to another teacher who was sitting beside us ‘ she can’t take criticism at all and becomes all defensive’ they laughed. Of course this felt really really bad to me and I was seriouslt about to cry. I didn’t understand why didn’t that fuckin’ teacher understand a goddamn word I had said? Was she that full of herself? That’s what I thought of during that moment and I was seriously on the edge of walking out from that room and going home without explaining a thing. I felt that ashamed. After that I started to hate this teacher til the day I graduated. I won’t tell her name here since I respect her privacy, but if she ever got to read this, I really hope that she wouldn’t EVER treat anyone of her students like that again. 

I finally got that said. Time to move on forward now then. 

How to fix yourself from this shame then? What do you need to understand? I tell here now, those have been raped, abused physically or mentally a lot etc. You guys really do need to meet up with psychologist because you need personal directing and therapy to get over those events. But maybe this will also help you guys understand something very important. 

Here’s the key:  You are not walking on this planet to please anyone or to be accepted by anyone else, but yourself. Your life is in your hands. Not anyone else’s. You must love yourself and be brave. Be yourself, do what you want. You’ve got only this life here and now. If there is something you want to do but have planned to do it later on during your life, think. The life is here now. Nobody knows what happens tomorrow. Life is unpredictable since everything affects everything. This is the reason for just start doing the things you want to do right now instead of leaving it for ‘better time’. The moment is now. 

Also, other people will be there and always judge and criticize you, but the thing is that you mustn’s listen them. Their words are just opinions. Your own opinions are your opinions. You are not perfect human-being. No one will ever be perfect human. We are evolving every day. We are always in ‘the process’. We’ll never be complete. After you can accept this, that you are not perfect, you are not going to be ‘ good human’ or such since like I told in my older post, goodness is not in us. It’s just a substance that we deliver. Still even though we are incomplete, we are all important. We have born into this world for one reason. We are here because of evolution, we are here because of the beauty of life, we are here because we are lucky, we are here to ENJOY of our lives. Enjoy the challenges of our lives, enjoy the happiness in our life, enjoy all the different experiences in this life and the best part is that we will never need to be complete. We can still be satisfied in ourselves just the way we are. The key in developing your confidence is to NOT CARE other people’s opinions. Their opinions do NOT define us. Only WE define ourselves. We are the royals on this planet.  Remember this people! 

Then here is few practices you can do in order to develop yourself. Go to shower. Let the water fall down on you for 10-15 minutes straight and make sure that it touches every part of your skin. At same time think about how it feels, enjoy its gentle touch. Imagine seeing the waves of the ocean that hit the seashore or small waterfalls somewhere in the forests. Try hear their sound and let it calm you down. Imagine how the fresh wind of these places that you can hear hissing in trees’ leaves, blows new air into you and gives you energy for the near future ahead of you. If you want you can also take some relaxation music like this to the shower room, the key is to not let the shower be too loud so that you can focus on listening. After this, dry yourself and go lay into your bed naked. Cover your body with your blanket and lie on your side the way you would in your mother’s womb. Close your eyes. Focus on how the sheets feel against your skin. If you fall asleep or become comfortable, change position. Lay on your back. Wait til you are comfortable and eventually remove the blanket and just lay there. Focus on how the air feels on your skin. After this go stand front of a mirror and look at yourself. That’s you. Only you in this world. You are a human. Just a human. Nothing more, nothing less. You can do whatever you want with your life. No one else can ever tell who you are or what you want to be or do. They can not tell what is good or what is bad as universal truths. Only as their own opinions that reflect their own life. You must focus on your own life. Look at the parts of your body from mirror that you like and smile. You are incomplete but you can always develop yourself to the direction you want to. Even though you’ll never be complete totally.. You can still be the way you want to be or at least close to it. It’s not good, It’s not bad. It’s just you. 

In my next post, I will probably talk about how to use non-verbal communication for evolving your mental confidence in social situations. 

[thecameldances-blog]

Why Katlyn Nicole Davis "Suicide" with forced variables Is the saddest moment in U.S. History? This country has came a long way from when it was founded from its 13 colonies to its great 50 states and in only 2 centuries and a half to not only become a superpower but the number one superpower compared to other superpowers being older than a millennium. As I look back the reason why is George Washington's vision for America was the greatest thing to happen to human civilization since the Renaissance because now people were open to express themselves and share ideas and issues human had together George washington said why the hell now that man is civilized do we have to listen to this King who just takes our daily breads and sends his Dukes who basically can pillage or rape any woman they chose so after 250 years of being here and every human on earth dreams of everyday where rights are not granted but are guranteed and the little voicet is always heard whether it be a minority group or a single human being there voice is heard and this is the reason U.S. has became what it is today. Ok over this time this country hasnt been perfect us as human beings always make mistakes whether siding with the wrong country or abusing power over their own citizens due to economic panic and stress. This country went to war 20 years after it was founded due to not renewing a bank contract but came out with minor damages but still stride on.U.S. learned that although the Bank plays a major role in the economy they must be kept an eye on due to some of the bankers will choose greed of dignity  Then there was the Mexican American war where General Zachary Taylor freed Mexicans from tyranny people oppose this today but they didnt know that the Mexicans living in California through Utah were begging U.S. to aide then for decades on end to help them from unjust treatment and General Zachary Taylor decided it was finally time becsuse he couldnt bear another cry for help from them. U.s. learned from this that people living under tyranny are in need of aide just as much as the american citizen. Civil war where hundreds of thousands were killed but still this country survived also realizing all races deserve George Washington's vision for america. See man just became civilized 15000 years ago and its a learning process but if man isnt expose to the issues then he wont even bother thinking their issues to begin with. Then there was world war 1 which u.s. fought someone elses war and lost hundreds of thousands lives but u.s. realized that me and my brother will fight the opressing forces but if our cousins are being opressed is just as bad as if we are.  Then came the great depression when business took greed over self dignity and caused havoc on the economy u.s. learned we were just transcending from Colonials days 100 years prior and it wasnt about going out in the wild to hunt or gather wood it was the start of the modern world then world war 2 and korean and vietnam and Iraq wars which U.S. has fought and one I always admired about U.S. Wartime Generals they always proved that they actually took Self dignity over greed especially my favorite General in history General Mcarthur because his love for this country the way he went about the war and the fact he had a chance to ransack Japan for Billions if he wanted when they surrendered but he took Dignity of Self greed and honored the true American tradition and what it meant to him if that wasnt the case thrn General Mcarthur grandson wouldve still been the Emperor of Japan. All these wars hundreds of thousands of lives were lost as General Swharkopf put it 1 life loss is 1 to many and not to mention each life loss strikes tragedy in their families and burdens on their communities.  Then came 9/11 which effect every American but aftwerwards the United States reformed its U.S. Policy and reminded us that we are not invincible although we are strong willed. So why is it that Katlyn Nicole Davis tops all these as the saddest moment in U.S. History. The first is the story itself a 12 year old American girl commits suicide that alone will strike at any mans heart.:( Then everyone wants to know why Katlyn why did she do it. The media states she did it because her moma was a child abuser thats why she did it:(:(  before any real investigation could be inducted the news and media were coming out with stories on how the family had problems at home amd her being abused at home was a key factor to her suicide and she wasnt healthy. Katlyn for a 12 year appeared alright to me Her mom. Fed her clothed her and held her in her stomach for 9 months to my judgement katlyns mon took care if her dsughter better than most out there. Then bloggers all over the internet added insult to injury stating she did it because her moma was a child abuser and a whore.:(:(:(  The fact no one really takes bloggers as credible source but it wasnt just one it was a lot of them pointing at her mom saying it was because she was a whore. then add in the fact it was all recorded with her applogizing to god for her selfishness and even worst when she said i just dont deserve this I dont deserve to live immediately whrn i heard her say This i said aloud then none of us do Katlyn and after she commited suicide 10 minutes in you hear her moma in panic stricken voice yelling for her daughter to come home calling all her friends all in the background sound  and also the one that felt like my heart just was hit when Katlyns 5 year old brother AJ was heard  yelling for Ms. Katlyn to come home while her lifeless body was hanging from that tree. All you here is a little boys voice yelling KAaaTTLYYYYN See Katlyn was a victim of internet stalking and voice 2 skull which caused her to commit suicide it wasnt her moma. In between her saying Im sorry Everyone Im sorry everyone. You can hear a ssssss sound now in slow motion you can hear the elf noise of a older woman saying Soorrrey what i think happened is the fact you need 2 things for v2k to work elf wave sound and white noise. The elf wave is 1 to 40 and the white noise is the background noise which is important for the elf wave to catch onto the the white noise can be anything from car engine to fan or thunder or wind.but if the wave doesnt catch onto the white noise properly the wave sound will be louder than the white noise and thats what happened with the sorrrrey part in her video. She was a 10th generation 12 year old American girl needless to say she shouldve been on the U.S. top priority for defense. Again she was a 10th generation 12 year old american girl wouldn't you think that is what every u.s. citizen considers must be top of the defense list and with 52% of the u.s. budget spent on defense every year it should be a gurantee Katlyn would live her entire life forced suicide or not forced with 52% spent on defense their is plenty of money to protect her civil rights yet no one says a word on this and they ruled a 12 year old girl commited suicide due to negligence at home. Now put yourself in her moma shoes now I mean Katlyn looked healthy to me her moma took care of her but your daughter just commited suicide and everyone in the nation calling you a whore and a child abuser.This is the turning point of the United States downfall I gurantee it this is the moment I can really say after 250 years standing strong this country is going to shits. Katlyn Nicole Davis 10th generation 12 year old american girl your definition of Innocent and your definition of American pie taken advantage of by people with to much control and technology and no one seems to care.I shall mourn you until I die Katlyn you become my Virgin Mary of Phycological Warfare I will never forget you I promise in due time I will go to your hometown 20 miles west of Atlanta (Cedartown) find your moma and say my condolences for your daughter you were a good mom you took care of her may i put these flowers under her tree in the backyard and if she lets me i will go back their look up at that tree and say this Katlyn Nicole Davis O' Great blessed Virgin Mother of God protect me from my demons forgive those who have sinned Attract health abundance love and prosperity O' great blessed Virgin Amen put the flowers under your tree and leave Now I aint no christian or anything but thats what Katlyn believed in and I respect that all in thanks to George Washingtons vision for America. Maybe it started out in the Colonial days fueds between the Protestants and the Quakers but the his concept is the most beautiful concept now this is a fact every man for himself its a dog eat dog world out there and this country has a tendency to turn the other cheeck but i said to my self if you get played for your money or your honey then like Thomas Edison said quote "Its American Humor" needless to say some people go to far but on the end the its mostly the fools fault but that one piece paper brought man to common sense is George Washingtons Vision for America which is the Checks and balance that has been bestowed in the hearts of Men since 1776. Ok he just lost his house and his wife but in respect to the constitution let him attain his self pride and whatever self esteem he has left not in his namesake I aint worried about him but the in giving props to George Washington. See Colin Kapernick is a idiot not standing for pledge of allegiance no one cares Kapernick your a atheist a Quaker its not for that purpose in the nation of freedom of religion you can pray to anything you want but the pledge of allegiance is not about giving respect to god although god in my eyes is most important but pledge of allegiance is about giving props to George Washington for the greatest idea since the renaissance.To mankind: Katlyn Nicole Davis (Itzdolly) I never met you and oddly enough were exact opposite in the demographic scale of every demographic scale living on opposites  sides of the united states but I mourn your death everyday I miss you everyday and I love you I truly believe George Washington hung himself with Katlyn Nicole Davis This poor girls rights were completely violated and after it all no justice was served and injustice was added to the victims family:(:(:(:(:(  RIP Itzdolly Ms. Katlyn Nicole Davis the saddest moment in American history its not just her stalkers fault but its also my fault and and all 350 000 0000 Americans in this country Katlyns blood is on all our hands and we will all be punished from our greater power for this. It is if like everything Benjamin Franklin George Washington Andrew Jackson worked so hard for and stride on for 250 year of trial and error went down the drain sfter what had happen to Katlyn Nicole Davis, Why my dad struggled so hard in Fall of 1969 to get over with only $10 in his pocket. He had that immigrant hope of a better future for him and his family only deemed possible in the United States. My father who worked for Union Pacific for 23 years fathered 6 children and will add to the American roots. My name is Mohamed Saleh and I am a 2nd generation Arab American from California. I know the world is not perfect and Man struggles to survive everyday but the fact Katlyn had double coverage and yet she was taken advantage of the fact she was protected by the Constitution and the Unwritten rule in the hearts of men should've guaranteed her to live her life. I have 2 sons now and I hope 10 generations down the road I have a grand daughter here in United States that will have the free spirit and love that Katlyn Nicole Davis had. Katlyn Nicole Davis was a 10th generation 12 year old American girl your definition of innocent your definition of American pie. R.I.P. Itzdolly Feb. 20th 2006-Dec.30th 2016 Mohamed Asker Saleh

[anna-2807]

Married Women Reveal How They Deal With A Sexless Marriage

What not having sex is doing to your marriage, part 2

Ok, ladies. You’ve asked for it and here it is.

We sent out Part 1 of this topic (which focused on women not having sex), and within minutes we started receiving comments from women complaining about their husbands not wanting sex.

So many people wanted to know why I took the slanted approach of wives who are refusing their husbands. Honestly, I took that approach because that is what I have been seeing in my office in droves lately.

But listen, the problem goes both ways, and by the end of the day, it was obvious I was going to have to address this issue from the opposite point of view.

Women who find themselves in a sexless marriage have many of the same frustrations as men.

They feel frustrated, alone, embarrassed and angry.

They also feel insecure.

They wonder if they are sexy enough, attractive enough or thin enough.

It is confusing to hear female friends complain about husbands who want it all the time and then come back to a home where no one is pursuing her. Our culture feeds the notion that men are hypersexual, so if you are married to a man who isn’t all that interested, well…there must be something wrong with the woman.

If you are a woman whose husband isn’t interested in sex, you feel like a freak.

Marriage is a partnership. You enter it voluntarily and there are spoken and unspoken agreements.

One of those agreements is that there will be a sexual relationship. When one partner refuses to participate, it is exceptionally selfish.

A sexless marriage feels so powerless and frustrating.

There just isn’t any way around it. Sex is important in a relationship.

It is the one thing that keeps you from just being roommates sharing the same bed.

There are several reasons why a husband doesn’t want sex with his wife.

Physical reasons – It’s always good to start with a checkup to make sure there isn’t something going on physically or hormonally. Low testosterone is fairly common, but I find that raising T levels doesn’t always fix the problem. Still, this is the easiest place to start and begin ruling out factors.

Pornography – This is a touchy subject for many people. There are experts out there who will tell you that pornography enhances sex for couples. I strongly disagree. I find porn causes many more sexual problems than any other single item on this list. Porn changes the brain, and not in a good way. Check out www.yourbrainonporn.com to see what I mean. I don’t recommend it for either men or women, and I’ve seen it cause a lot of harm in relationships. You can also check out the posts we have here on porn use. If your man doesn’t want sex, it could be because he is using porn. If this is the culprit, the fix is cutting off the porn use cold turkey and retraining his brain to increase his desire for a real person.

The quality of your relationship – I think everyone knows that women need emotional connection to increase physical desire. This same thing can be said for men as well. If a man is feeling criticized or belittled by you, he will shut down sexually. (See also: Help! I don’t find my wife attractive). You can’t rage at him or tell him he needs to “be a man” and then expect him to want to have sex with you. A man needs to feel respected by you. If you are talking down to him, treating him like a child, telling him what to do and when to do it, your sex life will suffer.

Performance Anxiety – Men have a lot of pressure to perform. They cannot fake what they don’t feel. Some men are so worried about maintaining an erection or ejaculating prematurely, they shut down and avoid sexual contact altogether. Anxiety is certainly a mood killer. Please don’t minimize the impact performance anxiety can have on a man. I worked with a couple where the man had one episode of not being able to maintain his erection. All his wife said was “Well, that was disappointing”. He became so worried that he would have a repeat performance that it happened again several times. After three or four failed attempts, he shut down. They couldn’t resume a normal sex drive until he dealt with his anxiety. Drugs like Cialis can help but many men are resistant to taking them. The best defense is to deal with the anxiety.

Lack of non-sexual touch – Many women don’t believe this one but I see it quite a lot actually. Not every man needs a lot of physical touch like holding hands, hugging and kissing but many of them do. If you are stand-offish and you are constantly thwarting his attempts to be close to you, he will likely pull back sexually as well. When your guy comes up behind you and puts his arms around you, he is risking rejection. If you stiffen or push him away frequently, he feels unwanted and unwelcomed. This carries over into the bedroom as well.

Depression – Men often get depressed and the symptoms go unrecognized. Depression in men often looks like anger and withdrawal. Sexual desire would be one of the casualties of depression for both men and women.

Your attitude about sex – You may not ever openly reject your husband’s advances but if your attitude is “get this over with quickly” you are certainly dousing the mood. For a woman to have good sex, it requires skill on her lover’s part. For a man to have good sex, it requires an eager partner who is obviously enjoying herself. I have heard many men tell me they would rather masturbate than have sex with a woman who just lies there.

He is having an affair. I can’t count the number of times I have had a couple in my office where the man doesn’t want sex with his wife but comes to therapy to work on the relationship and it comes out later that he is having an affair. This disinterest in sex is usually accompanied by a general disinterest in being together at all. He may say he is working on things, but if he remains very detached and disinterested it is certainly a factor I would consider.

If your husband doesn’t want sex, it is time to find out what is going on.

Too many people keep ignoring this situation and hoping things will get better on their own. Sometimes they do but if things have been going this way for months or years, stop waiting and start pressing for some answers.

If you ask your husband why he doesn’t want sex, he is almost certainly going to tell you he doesn’t know. And that may very well be the truth.

He may have no idea why he doesn’t want sex.

He may not be able to make the connection between how he feels and his libido. He just knows he doesn’t want it as often as you do.

So your conversation needs to go something like this:

“Honey, we aren’t having sex enough for me to feel like I’m getting what I need and want from this relationship. This is really a problem for me. It is very important to me that we get to the bottom of what is going on. I’d like for you to make a doctor’s appointment for a physical checkup and if everything is normal there, I will make an appointment for us to see someone who specializes in this area. I know this may make you uncomfortable, but I love you and our life together too much to just let this go any longer. I’m building up some serious resentment and I’m afraid if we don’t tackle this problem together, I will continue to detach and continue to feel hurt and rejected.”

If he refuses to talk to anyone with you, let him know you will be going alone. If you are at the point where you are considering leaving the marriage, I would respectfully let him know you are disappointed in his decision to avoid the subject and you aren’t sure what this means for the future of your relationship. You aren’t giving idle threats. You are just being honest and letting him know this is serious.

Then the most important part is to FOLLOW THROUGH. Make an appointment with someone who is comfortable and knowledgeable to talk to you about sexual problems.

Contact us online or call us to make an appointment today. Calling us can be your first step toward restoring the sexual pleasure in your relationship.

Read more at https://themarriageplace.com/2017/01/husband-doesnt-want-sex/

[anna-2807]

When Your Husband Doesn’t Want Sex

What not having sex is doing to your marriage, part 2

Ok, ladies. You’ve asked for it and here it is.

We sent out Part 1 of this topic (which focused on women not having sex), and within minutes we started receiving comments from women complaining about their husbands not wanting sex.

So many people wanted to know why I took the slanted approach of wives who are refusing their husbands. Honestly, I took that approach because that is what I have been seeing in my office in droves lately.

But listen, the problem goes both ways, and by the end of the day, it was obvious I was going to have to address this issue from the opposite point of view.

Women who find themselves in a sexless marriage have many of the same frustrations as men.

They feel frustrated, alone, embarrassed and angry.

They also feel insecure.

They wonder if they are sexy enough, attractive enough or thin enough.

It is confusing to hear female friends complain about husbands who want it all the time and then come back to a home where no one is pursuing her. Our culture feeds the notion that men are hypersexual, so if you are married to a man who isn’t all that interested, well…there must be something wrong with the woman.

If you are a woman whose husband isn’t interested in sex, you feel like a freak.

Marriage is a partnership. You enter it voluntarily and there are spoken and unspoken agreements.

One of those agreements is that there will be a sexual relationship. When one partner refuses to participate, it is exceptionally selfish.

A sexless marriage feels so powerless and frustrating.

There just isn’t any way around it. Sex is important in a relationship.

It is the one thing that keeps you from just being roommates sharing the same bed.

There are several reasons why a husband doesn’t want sex with his wife.

Physical reasons — It’s always good to start with a checkup to make sure there isn’t something going on physically or hormonally. Low testosterone is fairly common, but I find that raising T levels doesn’t always fix the problem. Still, this is the easiest place to start and begin ruling out factors.

Pornography — This is a touchy subject for many people. There are experts out there who will tell you that pornography enhances sex for couples. I strongly disagree. I find porn causes many more sexual problems than any other single item on this list. Porn changes the brain, and not in a good way. Check out www.yourbrainonporn.com to see what I mean. I don’t recommend it for either men or women, and I’ve seen it cause a lot of harm in relationships. You can also check out the posts we have here on porn use. If your man doesn’t want sex, it could be because he is using porn. If this is the culprit, the fix is cutting off the porn use cold turkey and retraining his brain to increase his desire for a real person.

The quality of your relationship — I think everyone knows that women need emotional connection to increase physical desire. This same thing can be said for men as well. If a man is feeling criticized or belittled by you, he will shut down sexually. (See also: Help! I don’t find my wife attractive). You can’t rage at him or tell him he needs to “be a man” and then expect him to want to have sex with you. A man needs to feel respected by you. If you are talking down to him, treating him like a child, telling him what to do and when to do it, your sex life will suffer.

Performance Anxiety — Men have a lot of pressure to perform. They cannot fake what they don’t feel. Some men are so worried about maintaining an erection or ejaculating prematurely, they shut down and avoid sexual contact altogether. Anxiety is certainly a mood killer. Please don’t minimize the impact performance anxiety can have on a man. I worked with a couple where the man had one episode of not being able to maintain his erection. All his wife said was “Well, that was disappointing”. He became so worried that he would have a repeat performance that it happened again several times. After three or four failed attempts, he shut down. They couldn’t resume a normal sex drive until he dealt with his anxiety. Drugs like Cialis can help but many men are resistant to taking them. The best defense is to deal with the anxiety.

Lack of non-sexual touch — Many women don’t believe this one but I see it quite a lot actually. Not every man needs a lot of physical touch like holding hands, hugging and kissing but many of them do. If you are stand-offish and you are constantly thwarting his attempts to be close to you, he will likely pull back sexually as well. When your guy comes up behind you and puts his arms around you, he is risking rejection. If you stiffen or push him away frequently, he feels unwanted and unwelcomed. This carries over into the bedroom as well.

Depression — Men often get depressed and the symptoms go unrecognized. Depression in men often looks like anger and withdrawal. Sexual desire would be one of the casualties of depression for both men and women.

Your attitude about sex — You may not ever openly reject your husband’s advances but if your attitude is “get this over with quickly” you are certainly dousing the mood. For a woman to have good sex, it requires skill on her lover’s part. For a man to have good sex, it requires an eager partner who is obviously enjoying herself. I have heard many men tell me they would rather masturbate than have sex with a woman who just lies there.

He is having an affair. I can’t count the number of times I have had a couple in my office where the man doesn’t want sex with his wife but comes to therapy to work on the relationship and it comes out later that he is having an affair. This disinterest in sex is usually accompanied by a general disinterest in being together at all. He may say he is working on things, but if he remains very detached and disinterested it is certainly a factor I would consider.

If your husband doesn’t want sex, it is time to find out what is going on.

Too many people keep ignoring this situation and hoping things will get better on their own. Sometimes they do but if things have been going this way for months or years, stop waiting and start pressing for some answers.

If you ask your husband why he doesn’t want sex, he is almost certainly going to tell you he doesn’t know. And that may very well be the truth.

He may have no idea why he doesn’t want sex.

He may not be able to make the connection between how he feels and his libido. He just knows he doesn’t want it as often as you do.

So your conversation needs to go something like this:

“Honey, we aren’t having sex enough for me to feel like I’m getting what I need and want from this relationship. This is really a problem for me. It is very important to me that we get to the bottom of what is going on. I’d like for you to make a doctor’s appointment for a physical checkup and if everything is normal there, I will make an appointment for us to see someone who specializes in this area. I know this may make you uncomfortable, but I love you and our life together too much to just let this go any longer. I’m building up some serious resentment and I’m afraid if we don’t tackle this problem together, I will continue to detach and continue to feel hurt and rejected.”

If he refuses to talk to anyone with you, let him know you will be going alone. If you are at the point where you are considering leaving the marriage, I would respectfully let him know you are disappointed in his decision to avoid the subject and you aren’t sure what this means for the future of your relationship. You aren’t giving idle threats. You are just being honest and letting him know this is serious.

Then the most important part is to FOLLOW THROUGH. Make an appointment with someone who is comfortable and knowledgeable to talk to you about sexual problems.

Read more at https://themarriageplace.com/2017/01/husband-doesnt-want-sex/