#making this my pinned post for now bc the analysis still holds up after some sleep and i’m proud of it lol

[greghatecrimes]

midnight brainrot… i am thinking about wilson. about when he tells house during “the c-word” that he always thought he’d have a wife and kids around him when he was dying. about how he probably wanted that— or at least he thought he did— for a while. about how, if he had gotten that, he probably would have ended up feeling like he didn’t deserve to be a father. like he shouldn’t be a father. he pays three alimonies because no matter what, he ends up ‘ruining’ every relationship he puts time and feelings into. he carries guilt and blame for how danny ended up because he was ‘too selfish’ to answer the phone instead of studying for an exam. he probably spends the rest of his life haunted by the question, “am i my brother’s keeper?”. he IS truly haunted by that little eight year old cancer patient who was supposed to survive, but didn’t. he’s an oncologist. he is supposed to help people, to ‘save’ them. and yet he spends his time off the clock ruining his relationships with the people he loves most, and then spends his working hours trying to atone for it somehow with his patients. any child of his… i think that wilson would, selfishly, want to at least try forming a bond. maybe it could be his second chance. another way to atone for his mistakes with danny, with julie or sam or bonnie. but i think that he would also know deep down and without a doubt that eventually, he would just ruin them, too.

[everythingsinred]

I spent a whole day reading your Natsume analysis and am so excited to read Mikan's version. I wanted to ask about your thoughts on what Natsume was doing during the four years he was apart from Mikan. In Kageki, we learn that he took a lot of missions to get credit. But what do you think his mental state was like? Do you have any fic recs? I love making myself sad from Natsumikan angst.

hi! im so happy you read the natsume analysis! it makes me happy to hear people enjoyed it! i just recently made a table of contents for my essays and general ga postings so if you need help navigating the mikan essays, check out my pinned post <3

to answer your questions about what natsume was up to while mikan was gone, im pretty sure in kageki narumi mentioned that natsume had some negative behavior and attitude, but the extent of that is left vague. allegedly the missions he went on after she left were not alice-heavy or life-threatening but we know that one of those missions was to be toma's bodyguard and... bodyguarding tends to be dangerous? thats in the job description, pretty much literally. im not entirely sure how he was expected to bodyguard WITHOUT using his alice, but thats what they imply. did he take martial arts? did he carry a gun? who knows really. either way he should not have been permitted to continue doing any missions.

just in general, i think he was pretty depressed without mikan around. i mean natsume was in a HORRIBLE suicidal depression for two years before he met her and falling in love with her happened because she saw value in his life that he hadnt seen before. while she was there, he had developed a sense of purpose in his life and a will to live he hadnt had. it was bc of her that he started bonding with class b. now that shes gone, im sure hes very upset especially because its not certain he'll ever be allowed to see her again, granted he even lives that long.

but as much as i see him being depressed and a little miserable, he still has friends and a strong support system at the academy now. he has his best friend, plus the kids he allowed himself to befriend while mikan was around. theres pictures in the memorial book that depict middle-school aged natsume hanging out with The Boiz, and there's photographs in kageki that imply he wasnt completely isolating himself from his classmates during mikan's absence.

so with that in mind, i think he's depressed and sad about mikan being gone for sure, but he still has a will to live, a support system, and a sense of purpose (seeing mikan again) so that he isnt ENTIRELY devastated during those few years.

we can see when he reunites with her that he kinda expected her to remember him as soon as she saw him, and that gives us insight into how exactly he processed her stolen memories. (smth like, "she doesnt remember anything. so even if i did see her id probably have to make her fall in love w me again and im not even sure how i did it the first time! but she did love me right? i mean if she really loved me, she'd remember me eventually. i cant imagine forgetting her so im sure since she loved me that she'll remember as soon as she sees me!" and then he holds onto that thought so tightly that he ends up shocked that she doesnt remember). those thoughts probably kept him afloat too.

i really have mixed feelings about mikan leaving the academy in the first place though. i just dont think that plot point was executed very well so i never really got very into it.

as for fanfic recs, i cant think of many off the top of my head that have much to do with that time period of natsume on his own, but there is this one, (paths that lead home by MCaroba) which is about natsume going on a road trip with his friends!

as for angsty fics that are NOT related to that specific time period, here are some:

Ten Years to Date by November Romeo (the kids are assigned to write about their futures and natsume refuses. canon!verse one shot) (ps lots of her canon fics are in the same universe and theres a deal of angst involved there too, though her canon!verse fics take place in an alternate future of the kids in high school. i do recommend reading pretty much everything she's written for ga)

Tired by FearandLoathingXIX (hurt/comfort related to natsume's sickness. canon!verse one shot)

My Happy Ending by Little Miss Giggle (au where the kids go to a music school.... it starts off silly and fun but it gets pretty damn angsty. multichapter and one of the better known fics in the fandom)

Steal (my breath away) by Rock-n-Round (au one shot where alices exist but they're a bit weird and hard to explain. this one is EVISCERATING. and very beautiful)

Before You Hit the Ground by Ducky-san (au multi-chapter fic where mikan runs away from an abusive home and meets natsume who is in a gang against his will. i actually LOVE this fic so much... but it does contain some triggering material, like discussions of child abuse and implied sexual abuse.)

Right Before Your Eyes by pressuredtreasure (au... i don't think i can say much about this without spoiling it, but it's basically mikan missing natsume)

Oh Hello World also writes a lot of one shots, some of which are pretty angsty.

i'm really sad.... i was gonna link some other fics but i couldn't find them or remember their names and i'm scared they've been taken down. ah the pain of being in an old, less active fandom...

i also write fics too! ive only written aus so far (incidentally, not on purpose), but the angstiest is probably all things rancid and delicate, which is about mikan in a cult (it has a lot of dark elements to it)

im sorry if youre not much an au person, but i havent read much new ga ffn recently and not many good ones have survived the test of time it seems. it's all very sad. i miss reading fanfic all the time AND having lowered standards for gaffn specifically...

i hope i've answered your questions! if you have any other questions feel free to shoot me another ask! i love talking abt ga <3

[clickntreat]

Can’t get a read more to work, so sorry, you’re gonna have to scroll past this whole thing if you don’t wanna read about horse training stuff 

(or just press j if you’re not on mobile)

So, more background to explain what Lady knows/what I’ve done with her so far since some have asked and for a bit of clarification. Some video has been posted and more will be posted soon too. This is concerning the behavior analysis/ training post I made last week so I’m tagging those that responded

@themotherfuckingclickerkid @clickerhorse @clickercake @mylittlehony @french-link @theclassicalhorse @spanishequestrian

(I hope I didn’t miss anyone?) and @anyone else who is interested/wants to help: As far as NH stuff, (skip this paragraph if not relevant to what you meant you needed to know? kinda long. it covers about 8 years of our lives. I summarize at the end of this paragraph with a tl;dr anyways) taught her the typical groundwork stuff like backing up and moving hind and forequarters away from pressure via direct pressure applied to her sides/chest/nose as well as those “mean looks” backed up by waving sticks around aggressively and hitting if she was unresponsive and wiggling the rope and whatnot. “Desensitizing” to swinging the whip around, ropes tossed around her, plastic bag, being touched everywhere, etc. and the NH version of “lunging” / “lunging for respect” (ugh). Did the whole join up thing, spent some time using John Lyons stuff which inspired me to teach her to set herself up at the mounting block (kinda) uh… then my journey took me to Parelli so did the basics of his games, which taught her somewhat to target things (I used this to actually get them to allow me to deworm them without restraints by just giving them treats first for targeting the dewormer, then for letting me stick it in their mouth further and further, etc. Went very well! Probably a key part of me beginning my clicker journey lol). She was always very laid back and very lazy, and therefore very motivated by rest, I learned to use after way too long, and also food ofc, but that was a no-no. I needed Respect from her, not to bribe her. She nearly always required at least one physical hit to get her anywhere beyond a walk, under saddle and on the ground. Under saddle, I rode in a more western fashion, and was inspired like many other little girls by Stacey Westfall’s bridleless performance, and so tried to train for that just by giving a cue to turn that required no reins (I always used outside leg to turn her away from the pressure, idk what you guys consider correct) before backing it up with a neck rein and then a direct rein. Made… some progress there. When I rode bridleless, at the best I got using -R, could get w/t/c with a whip and Lady was always willing to stop so that was no problem, but turning was basically only if she wanted to turn that way anyways. Things improved slightly when I began rewarding big efforts like attempting a jump or trotting/cantering on cue with a break or ending the session, then it reached the point she began charging at the nearest jumpable object if I asked for anything more than a walk just so she could stop. Began rewarding for not charging at a jump uncued/not rewarding an uncued jump and that helped… soon after I began clicker training..

(tl;dr she knows basic NH groundwork, and is essentially green broke with those methods, and was never very willing to cooperate/took a lot of force usually to do anything besides walk aimlessly and I don’t blame her)

Side note, also summarized at the end, I did train her to do some tricks during that NH time period, and I did train those with +R, “because they were tricks, not necessary behaviors” or whatever. Those include smiling, giving kisses, hugs, standing on a platform, striking her foot out when I did to train spanish walk (never got that finished), started training a bow??, which would’ve led to lay down but decided to not train that bc I was afraid she’d just start laying down to get out of work lol, I now regret training bow bc 1. I never finished it and 2. she offers it when I pick up her left foot and hold it for longer than she likes, and smiling bc she offers it sometimes when I just wanna touch her face and isn’t very impressive lol, but the others are great. The kiss is good for when she doesn’t seem to be getting what I’m asking, so I use that to kind of “restart” before trying again with a smaller step or clearer cue or something, and it and the hug are just cute af imo, and she never offers them in an aggressive or nervous way so it’s okay when she offers them off cue, I just don’t reward lol. The leg thing is especially useful. On trails or in new places, when she’s nervous, I can use it to bring her focus back on me and it calms her down very well. It also set us up for “do as I do” so she now steps forward/backward/on things with the same foot I do, which is also very useful. With another horse they might not have worked that way, but for her they’re great.

(tl;dr she knows some tricks)

Idk how to summarize the rest so no more tl;dr’s

Last summer (2016) was when I began clicker training. I spent several sessions - with all the horses actually- charging the clicker with non-mugging exercises, clicking and treating when they quit searching my bag for treats, and once that was solid, clicking for calm, head forward behavior. Once that was solid and they made it obvious they knew click=treat, I started working on other things, but not much with the other horses so just talking about Lady again now: I made a target with a ~6″ section of pool noodle slipped over the end of a riding crop, did some work with that; in general did everything I used to do, but would only ask with the lightest pressure and reward any attempt with a click and treat, and never punish if she didn’t do as I asked. (example: lightly touch her shoulder with my finger, maybe kiss to let her know “I’m asking you to move” and if she leaned her weight slightly away, great, I’d click and treat. If not, I just didn’t reward. eventually of course she would actually step until i quit asking and rewarded) She became much more willing in everything. 

Side note just to brag: My favorite development since using clicker training with her is that since we only have the pasture and the round pen to work with, and with treats they all want to be by me to get some, I need them restrained away from me, so I pour some grain in the round pen to lure the horses in then lock them up, and when they’re done eating, take the one I want to work with out. After a few times, Lady began walking out with me instead of eating the grain with her buddies! I can think of no higher honor than being chosen over grain with her buddies… she’s “second in the hierarchy” so it’s not like she has to fight for it. and if for whatever reason I make her stay in there, she nickers to me whenever I look in her direction <3

Anyways, so with clicker training, on the ground, as far as things she has down very well, she has learned to not mug/default to standing calmly with head relaxed and somewhere not in my pockets and to boop a target. I also use clicker training to reward standing still for grooming and fly spray and for allowing me to clean and trim her feet, which are things she already did, but now I reward her for it. idk if that’s good/bad/neutral or what...

Under saddle, first I taught her to position herself by the mounting block when I stood there. I did this to give her a chance to tell me she doesn’t want to be ridden. I don’t ride much right now bc I’ve become more concerned with saddle fit/bareback hurting her (I’ll probably be asking for help with that soon) so she doesn’t really know this, but end goal is to have her consent to being ridden by standing there for me (obviously, not standing there would be her refusing), and to be able to tell me she doesn’t want to anymore by returning to the mounting block. Under saddle, after maybe two or three short bareback and bridleless sessions using clicker training, she now turns willingly every time I ask. 

On the ground, what I have been working with her on  since I got back home from college is just staying by me and doing as I do, not getting ahead of me, etc. and she actually offered a behavior last week that I’ve been shaping since. I was at her side and turned about 45 degrees from her, and she stepped her hindquarters over so that she was aligned with me, facing the same direction, and that’s kinda what inspired the work on the ground that I’ve been doing. Just stay by my side, if I turn, you turn, if I step over, you step over, if I step back, you step back, etc. I use (what I think is?) a high rate of reward, never asking for more than like… an absolute max of 6 steps/strides before rewarding, and usually averaging closer to 2 or 3, even with stuff we’ve done for a long time, and of course clicking for the slightest try for new things. I break up that work with rewarding for standing still when I’m not cueing anything to remind her that sometimes I just want her to stand still.

The only time she pins her ears is when I ask her to trot/canter, and she never does anything actually aggressive/puts me at risk, and her ears aren’t even super pinned, just laid back a bit more than usual. Anyways, hopefully I can get the rest of the videos up today, but this explains everything I can think of, some of which might not have been caught on video. 

[hyeonwoo]

if it's not too much to ask of you, could you do an analysis of kihyun personality-wise? i'm personally really fond of him after seeing many sides to his personality, but i feel like they're quite hard to pin down at times, and i was just curious about another person's perspective of him ^^

( note: i’m so sorry this has taken me so long. i had a lot going on life-wise, and on top of that, i really wanted to make sure this was as accurate and detailed as i could make it, bc kihyun is the idol i probably relate to the most, and i think we’re quite similar. i bet i’ll still feel like i want to add to this even after i post, orz. thank you for your patience! )

i usually start analyses with an overarching theme, but for kihyun, it’s a little more difficult, since he is complex, and yet so straightforward... if i had to summarise him, i’d say he’s aware. immediately, i have to clarify: this doesn’t exactly mean he goes out of his way to be caring or to exert his influence in some way, i mean he analyses things quite quickly--sizes them up, if you will, but not in a manipulative way, just for his own sake. this isn’t something that’s very apparent, but it is the foundation of the way he acts and carries himself, in my opinion. one big sign of this is the way he talks about himself, especially during no.mercy: he knows he’s good at singing and is embarrassed to be ranked low, but he doesn’t particularly show this off or trashtalk others, unless he is asked. he knows the facts, but holds his cards to his chest until he needs them in some way. furthermore, he’s logical and rational enough that this isn’t so much a question of self-confidence anymore; he knows his strengths and limitations, and he doesn’t see a need to make it seem otherwise.

to take a leaf out of my case study interview prep lmao, i’ll now segment this analysis into how he interacts with people, to better illustrate and delve deeper into his aforementioned traits! 

firstly, with his members. obviously, this is the side of kihyun we see most often, from no.mercy until now. he’s known to be honest, funny, direct, and naggy, all of which stem from the fact that he’s comfortable with them. he’s lived with them and trained with them, so he knows them well, they’re all on friendly terms, and thus he can exercise less (or well, zero, sometimes) caution in the way he expresses himself, because he knows it won’t be taken the wrong way. 

this manifests itself in his “savagery”, because kihyun prioritises things quickly: he doesn’t like wasting time, shown during his mc stints during which he’s always good at guiding the conversation back to the topic at hand, and doesn’t like expending unnecessary effort or energy on superfluous or trivial matters which don’t contribute to their current objective--in the domestic sense, this means he knows he doesn’t need to waste time beating around the bush to soften the blow when he can just be honest and give his real, albeit cutting, opinion. in his work and hobbies, he’s focussed and always delivers, he’s sharp and works hard, and he has strong opinions and preferences when it comes to something that’s his own (for example, his photography aesthetic). 

with that in mind, he isn’t exactly calculating, nor lazy, at least, not actively. it’s more like, making the most of his life, getting the most accomplished, etc., in the most efficient way he can, but since this is part of his personality, he considers this automatically, so it all comes naturally. the fact that one can’t exactly see his thought process in an obvious or external way means he does get seen as “cunning” or working towards his own means, which, in a way, is true, but it’s not done in a malicious sense. 

secondly, with his seniors. kihyun’s worked with soyou and giriboy during no.mercy, then again with starship labelmates through starship planet and such, and i think it’s important to give some background! in general, starship artists, especially soloists, are all rather direct and in some cases, blunt, and this is very evident if you’ve seen any interactions between them (see junggigo, hyorin, madclown, in particular). this, coupled with the fact that they’re senior to kihyun, means he can’t take the same liberties with them as he does with his members. as mentioned before, a good part of the intensity or carelessness of his behaviour hinges on his accurate assessment of a situation or person, thus allowing him to predict how they’ll respond to him. 

in this case, he can’t really do that, so we see another side of kihyun. when addressed directly, he’s earnest and polite, and wants to make a good impression (this can be a tenuous link to his “most efficient way possible” outlook in that he wants to always do the best he can); when he’s just in the vicinity, like during their christmas vlive, he’s watching and listening and laughing in that cute awkward way he does when embarrassed or uncomfortable, usually in the secondhand sense. he really tones down his sense of humour and steps back to let the seniors talk, which is another good illustration of how conscious he is of his surroundings.

the last case is with his juniors. i’m not really counting seventeen in this since they have a friendly relationship, so i’m focussing on his interactions with cosmic girls: yteen promotions, singing the blue night of jeju island with yeunjung, and the christmas vlive which he co-mc-ed with yeunjung (i am a hardcore yeunjung stan lmao). once again, he doesn’t really know them well enough to joke around or be brutal, but he doesn’t need to really care about how they’ll react to him, since they’re juniors. 

to be honest, he kind of ignores them most of the time, which i suppose factors into the “avoiding unnecessary things” standpoint. still, you can tell he’s quite mindful of them, watching where they’re going, keeping at a respectful distance, that kind of thing. the christmas vlive was particularly insightful to me, because he just laughed at yeunjung’s oblivious mc-ing for the most part, especially when her starship seniors called her out, but then when they had to sing, he whispered “be careful” to her as she was getting tangled in the wires. it might not seem much, but i think it does show he’s more of a hands-off type as opposed to uncaring, and that he does have compassion for others who are naturally in a position lower than his own. furthermore, he was careful not to fluster her even more, while showing concern, and yet keeping the atmosphere in line with the attitude of the other artists.

to wrap this up, i think kihyun is a really interesting person, with lots of subtle nuances to his personality. for that reason, i do feel like my analysis might seem drawn upon tiny observations, but that’s really what subtlety is about orz; it’s difficult to describe kihyun since he’s so aware of everything that these situational assessments happen in his head, and he adjusts himself accordingly, all while still staying himself, as mentioned with regards to my introductory comment of his not displaying his knowledge of facts, despite, well, knowing them. aaah, i hope this analysis was what you wanted; i know it’s different to the approach i’ve taken before, but i felt like this was the clearest way to structure it ;;

[erenjaegur]

Snk Positivity Day 6: Love Your Series

Im gonna put this under a read more because I cant think of express my feelings on something without turning it into a full length incoherent ass essay so!!

I’ve been in the snk fandom since I was like 12 lol - Im 16 now so that’s like, five years?? I can still remember like I’d see a lot of gifs n stuff of it going around tumblr and for some reason I just really felt I wouldn’t like it like I had smthing lowkey against it?? But then I decided to watch it one day, n i still remember, I was just chilling on my laptop watching it in the sitting room, my family around me and stuff and goddd it was soo good... but it made me tear up... n bITCH I was NOT! about to cry in the sitting room around my family. I was not! prepared for that. That night I stayed up till possibly 1 or 3am just watching it, I must’ve gotten to like around episode 6 I think? I loved it so much I rlly fell in love, I finished it all in just three days.... three days of which I also went to school and stuff and had to go to my friends party.... bitch i was pissed i didnt even like that person....i just wanted to finish snk lmaooo 😭

Im pretty sure Id spend sm of my time invested in snk and looking through snk tumblrs and stuff and other fandom stuff of it, I loved it so much!!! like!! thats all I did and even then I was still forcing my friends to read/watch it. I was really cringey in 6th class wow lmaoo I would literally go around during break with the snk manga like xD!!! eren is my baby!!! saying shit like that yikes.... bitch first of all hes 4 years older than you...your literally 12.....

Especially then, when I was younger it brought me sm happiness like when little me was going through shit then little insecure young me, you know how people say u use entertainment to escape or whatever, a distraction, idk.... like that was rlly it man idk ho to describe it without sounding weird i swear it was like my main source of happiness omg lol

Almost always, its very rare like I’ll be watching a movie, listening to music, anything like that just consuming some piece of media or literally just like. living my life and I see something and im like. omg snk au in which.... or I just somehow relate it back to snk or some of its characters lol. Like even when I was on holiday in Venice last year I was literally like thinking of a fanfic of like, the 104th on holidays in Venice like how wholesome...

Like I really do love snk I think about it every day without fail, and I honestly think I’ll always always always love it, and even if I don’t, it’s always gonna have a special place in my heart. Like, I liked it since i was literally 12 years old and it helped my through shit and I just have so much good memories associated with it. I honestly rlly do picture myself being like a 40 year old woman and still loving snk but like the fandom is dead or something... 😭 I rlly hope that never happens.....bc that will happen my 40 year old ass will b like boiis whens season 10 coming out ? Like I really hope snk is one of those series that kind of just lives on forever, or atleast for a very long time - Like Harry Potter for example

Okay, all that was really personal and I’d be surprised if anyone is reading this anyway, but I love looking back on it and talking about snk like this, I love it :) Butttt, getting to one of the reasons why I think I might love snk so much, and I mean, I can’t really pin it down why I love it so much, I dont think anyone can pin down EXACTLY why they love something, especially a series, but I think one thing I really like, and it becomes really apparent when I look at other series is like, they have a good balance between male and female characters if that makes sense. Like theres not way more men in the show than there is women, like how it is in some series or like, theres not way more men in the show than there is women, and the female characters in the show aren’t just like background characters pretty much, and they’re all good fleshed out and developed characters n shit. I think people have talked about this before but yeah.. And the female characters aren’t sexualised or anything like that and like, theres basically little to no fanservice at all which is nice. Supereyepatchwolf said something about it in his video about snk, how it can appeal to everyone because anyone of any age and gender and such can be in the survey corps n stuff... :P

And the characters just in general of course :) I honestly think the characters is one of snks strongest points, like... im not about to do a full on character analysis on anyone here lol but they’re just so amazing. Like I think on first glance it can probably be easy for people to sort most of them into like a trope or something or just write them off as cliche - mostly eren is victim to this bc people are like typical shounen boy !!! but like. you know anyway. I wish I was better at expressing my feelings and thoughts lol. Like god idk i feel like its so easy for someone who idk might just be a casual fan or smthing to just kinda see the characters on their more surface level without seeing how much depth they actually have - and I feel like that could also easily happen with anime only ppl. Like snk really does have so much great n complex n developed characters, especiallyyy now with the timeskip, more so now than ever. Like you know when you love something so much that you cant just pin point one thing about it... because its like.... everything about it i love n everything within it works to like compliment everything in it if that makes sense u get me?? like i cant just pinpoint ONE THING its the whole thing.... why i love snk? *directs u to link of readsnkmanga.com* or something lol

as for the characters themselves, obviously u can tell, with my url, u can take a guess at who my favourite is :) since the timeskip, i dont like him as much - not that i dislike him, i could literally never - but timeskip eren is basically a whole new person - and im not saying that in a bitter tone or anything, if anything its cool and i appreciate it and i understand why eren is like this now, all the shit hes been through- stuff so singular that barely anyone else would be able to understand, no one, if anything. So i understand why hes like this, and as i said earlier, this’ one of snks strong points its complex and rlly developed characters... The things I admired about Eren is just like... his good and bad, everything. How passionate he is, how he wears his heart on his sleeve - that of which being his most notable quality imo, and he expresses himself in an unapologetic manner like.... the courtroom scene... he rlly shouted that in front of all those people... how headstrong, stubborn and impulsive he is. I relate to Eren alot, thats part of the reason why I love him so much because I think I can kinda see myself in him.. but on the same hand, I think it’s also because he possesses a lot of traits I admire. Eren never backs down even when the whole world seems to be against him. He holds on firmly to what he believes in and never gives in, even when literal guns or canons are being pointed towards him. He’s full of determination and will power and he knows what he wants, and he’s also not afraid to express his opinion, even if he knows that he’ll be laughed at or be largely disagreed with.. And I admire his impulsiveness too. Those are all things I admire and other things I didn’t mention.. like me, I’m a very non confrontational person, I always feel things out before getting to it, and even then a lot of the time I just don’t at all. I might second guess my emotions and feelings when it comes to relationships with people especially, and I can a lot of the time stifle or keep quiet about my own beliefs, not completely keeping quiet, but not speaking them out as firmly as I believe them in my own mind, yielding? more I guess, if people disagree with me, I might step down a little - Which isn’t a completely bad thing, it’s good to be openminded and to see other sides, but when it’s coming from a place of embarassment or insecurity, not so much. So I really admire those traits in Eren :) I relate to him a lot, but I also know that in a lot of ways too, we are veryy different. I’ve even thought before, if I knew someone like Eren irl would I even like them lol?? Who knows lol. But as a character, I love him :) My other two favourtie characters after Eren, Levi and Jean, I won’t go into them as much as I did Eren but with them, and not just that, all of the other reasons they’re my faves.. I have like more of a ‘crush’ on them lmaooo like with them i could read so much /reader fanfic lol... but even though Eren is my #1 I could nEVER...god NO lol. And I think thats also down to the fact, as I’ve been saying I seen myself in Eren... rather than the other way around :))))))))

Like god there have been so many times I’ve laughed, cried at stuff in this fandom, made good memories as a result of it irl too... bullied my friends into watching it.... Like I have nothing but good memories. I really can’t express enough how positively snk has impacted my life like I genuinely can’t, it’d be impossible.. I seriously love it :) I’ve made friends bc of it, gotten closer to friends bc of our mutual interest in it, stuff like that...:) And even if those things didn’t happen, I’d still love the series and its fandom itself. :) I seriously can’t thank enough, the ppl that contribute to this fandom, I really can’t. Everything, and everyone to small and big creators, thank you so much. Well known and lesser known creators, like just everything and everyone, seriously. Everyone is just why this fandom is so great and!! Like I just think how lucky am I to have smthing like snk have such a big fandom and stuff and so many great people in it. Like y’know when you see your favourite fanfic update, you see your favourite artist has put out smthing new, even just see a funny snk text post or something, it all can really brighten and even make your day, and its so good :) There are so many amazing creators in this fandom, fanfics that are honestly better than published books I’ve read - like seriously, some of this stuff seriously deserves to e published or something!! And the fact that so much of these creators are putting their work out there and sharing with us for free, is just so great, and I’ll never not be grateful for it :)

Like seriously, returning back to when I was like 12-14, some days back then when I was younger it really felt like y’know the only things I could take comfort in was this series and its characters and stuff yknow.... and maybe im just being and emo teen but im getting kinda emotional thinking about it just now :’) Like seriously... I feel like im maybe being too much in this post lol but seriously this series means a lot to me.. as I said, I can honestly really picture myself being like 40 and still rlly loving snk like no matter what, whatever happens, wherever the series goes, whatever the hell, it’ll always hold a special place in my heart, because its helped me through a lot, a lot of bad days, I have nothing but good memories associated with it, made friends, seen some of the most beautiful art and read rlly great writing!! Just like yeah. Thank u Isayama and this entire fandom.....

and I was gonna peace out but I also want to appreciate and throw some love @ Isayamas art and art style. Obviously, Isayama was a bit infamous in the earlier days for his art not looking so great (Which also is amazing bc like a manga with not so great art like his in the beginning... grew to become so BIG!! like who would’ve thought) - even so the character design and stuff was all really good?? Like I also think thats a strong point he has too!! And all those years of practicing really shows, because damn!! look at his art now!! It’s really damn nice and im not just saying that lol :P

Anyway!! :) Thats all lol

[clickntreat]

More background? To explain what Lady knows/what I’ve done with her so far since some have asked and for a bit of clarification. Video will be posted soon too. This is.. pretty long so I made it a read more (or tried to. I hope it works. also, no one I tagged should feel obligated to read or help) This is concerning the behavior analysis/ training post I made last week so I’m tagging those that responded @themotherfuckingclickerkid @clickerhorse @clickercake @mylittlehony @french-link @theclassicalhorse @spanishequestrian (I hope I didn’t miss anyone?) and @anyone else who is interested/wants to help:

As far as NH stuff, (skip this paragraph if not relevant to what you meant you needed to know? kinda long. it covers about 8 years of our lives. I summarize at the end of this paragraph with a tl;dr anyways) taught her the typical groundwork stuff like backing up and moving hind and forequarters away from pressure via direct pressure applied to her sides/chest/nose as well as those “mean looks” backed up by waving sticks around aggressively and hitting if she was unresponsive and wiggling the rope and whatnot. “Desensitizing” to swinging the whip around, ropes tossed around her, plastic bag, being touched everywhere, etc. and the NH version of “lunging” / “lunging for respect” (ugh). Did the whole join up thing, spent some time using John Lyons stuff which inspired me to teach her to set herself up at the mounting block (kinda) uh... then my journey took me to Parelli so did the basics of his games, which taught her somewhat to target things (I used this to actually get them to allow me to deworm them without restraints by just giving them treats first for targeting the dewormer, then for letting me stick it in their mouth further and further, etc. Went very well! Probably a key part of me beginning my clicker journey lol). She was always very laid back and very lazy, and therefore very motivated by rest, I learned to use after way too long, and also food ofc, but that was a no-no. I needed Respect from her, not to bribe her. She nearly always required at least one physical hit to get her anywhere beyond a walk, under saddle and on the ground. Under saddle, I rode in a more western fashion, and was inspired like many other little girls by Stacey Westfall’s bridleless performance, and so tried to train for that just by giving a cue to turn that required no reins (I always used outside leg to turn her away from the pressure, idk what you guys consider correct) before backing it up with a neck rein and then a direct rein. Made... some progress there. When I rode bridless, at the best I got using -R, could get w/t/c with a whip and Lady was always willing to stop so that was no problem, but turning was basically only if she wanted to turn that way anyways. Things improved slightly when I began rewarding big efforts like attempting a jump or trotting/cantering on cue with a break or ending the session, then it reached the point she began charging at the nearest jumpable object if I asked for anything more than a walk just so she could stop. Began rewarding for not charging at a jump uncued/not rewarding an uncued jump and that helped... soon after I began clicker training..

(tl;dr she knows basic NH groundwork, and is essentially green broke with those methods, and was never very willing to cooperate/took a lot of force usually to do anything besides walk aimlessly and I don’t blame her)

Side note, also summarized at the end, I did train her to do some tricks during that NH time period, and I did train those with +R, “because they were tricks, not necessary behaviors” or whatever. Those include smiling, giving kisses, hugs, standing on a platform, striking her foot out when I did to train spanish walk (never got that finished), started training a bow??, which would’ve led to lay down but decided to not train that bc I was afraid she’d just start laying down to get out of work lol, I now regret training bow bc 1. I never finished it and 2. she offers it when I pick up her left foot and hold it for longer than she likes, and smiling bc she offers it sometimes when I just wanna touch her face and isn’t very impressive lol, but the others are great. The kiss is good for when she doesn’t seem to be getting what I’m asking, so I use that to kind of “restart” before trying again with a smaller step or clearer cue or something, and it and the hug are just cute af imo, and she never offers them in an aggressive or nervous way so it’s okay when she offers them off cue, I just don’t reward lol. The leg thing is especially useful. On trails or in new places, when she’s nervous, I can use it to bring her focus back on me and it calms her down very well. It also set us up for “do as I do” so she now steps forward/backward/on things with the same foot I do, which is also very useful. With another horse they might not have worked that way, but for her they’re great.

(tl;dr she knows some tricks)

Idk how to summarize the rest so no more tl;dr’s

Last summer (2016) was when I began clicker training. I spent several sessions - with all the horses actually- charging the clicker with non-mugging exercises, clicking and treating when they quit searching my bag for treats, and once that was solid, clicking for calm, head forward behavior. Once that was solid and they made it obvious they knew click=treat, I started working on other things, but not much with the other horses so just talking about Lady again now: I made a target with a ~6″ section of pool noodle slipped over the end of a riding crop, did some work with that; in general did everything I used to do, but would only ask with the lightest pressure and reward any attempt with a click and treat, and never punish if she didn’t do as I asked. (example: lightly touch her shoulder with my finger, maybe kiss to let her know “I’m asking you to move” and if she leaned her weight slightly away, great, I’d click and treat. If not, I just didn’t reward. eventually of course she would actually step until i quit asking and rewarded) She became much more willing in everything. 

Side note just to brag: My favorite development since using clicker training with her is that since we only have the pasture and the round pen to work with, and with treats they all want to be by me to get some, I need them restrained away from me, so I pour some grain in the round pen to lure the horses in then lock them up, and when they’re done eating, take the one I want to work with out. After a few times, Lady began walking out with me instead of eating the grain with her buddies! I can think of no higher honor than being chosen over grain with her buddies... she’s “second in the hierarchy” so it’s not like she has to fight for it. and if for whatever reason I make her stay in there, she nickers to me whenever I look in her direction <3

Anyways, so with clicker training, on the ground, as far as things she has down very well, she has learned to not mug/default to standing calmly with head relaxed and somewhere not in my pockets and to boop a target. I use clicker training to reward standing still for grooming and fly spray and for allowing me to clean and trim her feet. 

Under saddle, first I taught her to position herself by the mounting block when I stood there. I did this to give her a chance to tell me she doesn’t want to be ridden. I don’t ride much right now bc I’ve become more concerned with saddle fit/bareback hurting her (I’ll probably be asking for help with that soon) so she doesn’t really know this, but end goal is to have her consent to being ridden by standing there for me (obviously, not standing there would be her refusing), and to be able to tell me she doesn’t want to anymore by returning to the mounting block. Under saddle, after maybe two or three short bareback and bridleless sessions using clicker training, she now turns willingly every time I ask. 

On the ground, what I have been working with her on  since I got back home from college is just staying by me and doing as I do, not getting ahead of me, etc. and she actually offered a behavior last week that I’ve been shaping since. I was at her side and turned about 45 degrees from her, and she stepped her hindquarters over so that she was aligned with me, facing the same direction, and that’s kinda what inspired the work on the ground that I’ve been doing. Just stay by my side, if I turn, you turn, if I step over, you step over, if I step back, you step back, etc. I use (what I think is?) a high rate of reward, never asking for more than like... an absolute max of 6 steps/strides before rewarding, and usually averaging closer to 2 or 3, even with stuff we’ve done for a long time, and of course clicking for the slightest try for new things. I break up that work with rewarding for standing still when I’m not cueing anything to remind her that sometimes I just want her to stand still.

The only time she pins her ears is when I ask her to trot, and she never does anything actually aggressive/puts me at risk, and her ears aren’t even super pinned, just laid back a bit more than usual. Anyways, I’m using this free day to dig up the footage I have and post it so I’ll have it up, but this explains everything I didn’t get into video.