#man. someday i hope i'll be confessed to in person for the first time

[spykesdykegf]

being aceflux is so fucking wild

[stxrvel]

greatest fear (3)

series summary: you woke up from a long coma with no memory of a part of your life only to be told by your teammates that you're married to the man you hated seven years ago. even though that seemed to be the only problem, as time goes on you're realizing there's a lot more history and mystery behind the accident that left you in medical care for months. blackouts, more memory loss, mistrust and a strange man who seems to be connected to everything. every day it gets harder to trust anyone around you, but you won't stop until you can finally uncover the truth behind the accident.

chapter summary: bucky has to learn to deal with the fact that things don't always work out the way we want them to.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +5k i think

warnings: none? angst, that's for sure

note: hello!!! i think it's been almost a month? but better late than never. this didn't came out like i wanted at all, but i'm still gonna publish it bc i don't dislike it that much. i probably could've approach the subject way better. maybe i'll edit this someday. anyway, i do hope you all like this and give it some love 💜 i'll try to keep it up to get you guys pt 4 sooner, but i don't promise anything. feedback is always appreciate!! thank u all!!

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Everyone already knew Bucky's greatest fear. He had spent years being untouchable, seemingly the only person on the team who wasn't afraid of anything, not even living on the edge. They had spent years getting used to seeing the inscrutable face of an emotionless man. And they'd spent years thinking that was never going to change. To be honest, Bucky believed the same thing. As he resumed his “normal”, ordinary life, he felt that there was nothing he hadn't experienced before and that, because of that, there was nothing that could really hurt him. So why bother worrying about anything, why be afraid in the first place?

Bucky used to be an unflappable person. Even after meeting you, after confessing his feelings for you, after knowing that you might be a weak spot, Bucky still thought he wasn't afraid of anything. What's more, with you by his side he considered himself an invincible person. Unreachable. The people around him saw him as so sure of himself that they never once doubted that he could be the most fearless man in the world.

Until you had the accident.

Bucky began to see the world in dark colors. He had been afraid, yes, he had said so many times. But he was also struck by how close he had come to going insane. The people around him had ceased to view him with respect, but with concern. He had never allowed himself to be seen that way, because even if he had ever felt in a similar way, he had never been as strong as he was that time. He was at a point of vulnerability that was almost incomparable to anything that had happened in his life before.

The level of despair and stress he was dealing with from the moment he found out about your accident until months later when he knew how to manage his emotions, he couldn't quantify it in a rational way.

And the people around him were sympathetic, but he still hated that he had let himself be seen that way. The quivering mess he'd become since he found out about it haunted him like a symphony echoing in his head on the highest note. Sometimes it wouldn't let him think, wouldn't let him remember, wouldn't let him live. Even being there in a room with you, there was nothing but a din of incongruous notes crashing against each other, without any harmony, without any order.

At other times there was silence. A deafening silence sometimes accompanied by a beeping that increased as the minutes progressed. The voices were echoes and the images were blurred figures in the distance. There was nothing else in his head but space to process the silence.

Everyone knew Bucky's biggest fear, and it had caused him some long-term problems that he still didn't know how to handle. Since everyone knew that, he was no longer the fearless Bucky, the most daring person. Now he seemed to be perceived as a walking time bomb, even though he seemed to be the one who handled the situation the best… well, not from the beginning, but he learned to cope.

He hated that that stage of vulnerability had become so embedded in the memories of others that it was now the only thing they evoked when they thought of him. He hated that consideration. As much as he wanted and appreciated the support, he hated when it came from regret. From condescension. Of the wary glances. Like tiptoeing around him in fear that he would explode at any moment.

That was how Bucky felt at that moment. With everyone watching him around him, thinking that at any moment he would freak out and start screaming at each of them.

“She's okay now,” Bucky heard Natasha's voice flooding the room that had become the recipient of an imperturbably uncomfortable silence. Her voice was neutral, calm and patient, like the others', even though their faces showed incomparable chagrin.

Bucky let out a long sigh and let his gaze fall on any object in that room.

The rain was lashing hard against the city that day. The drops bounced off the large window and fell swiftly towards the end of their ephemeral life where gravity used to drag them down. The cold crept into the building through every crevice it could find, as if seeking any refuge from itself within the warmth of the human structure.

Bucky didn't plan to ever feel fear again.

He was constantly surrounded by worry, but tried to reassure himself that you were in a safe place surrounded by people who were willing to protect you. Until Steve appeared running down the hallway of the rooms shouting his name, and then yours, and then named Dr. Cho. A peculiar combination of words but they were enough to push him over the edge.

He had never run so fast from one end of the building to the other since that fateful day.

Memories slipped as fast in front of his eyes as raindrops did that day, swept away by the restlessness of his mind surrounding almost possible catastrophic scenario. Bucky knew he shouldn't do that, but telling him not to was like going against nature.

The worst part was that he couldn't see you as soon as he got to the medical wing of the Complex. He could barely make you out through the glass doors.

And so hours went by.

Bucky stayed in the next room waiting for some news, when one by one the others began to arrive.

Near midnight Natasha appeared and finally gave him good news.

“They stabilized her and are now waiting for the drugs to take effect.”

Bucky nodded at her words and the vibe in the room finally changed. Sighs of relief and comforting words leapt into full view, but Natasha didn't take her eyes off Bucky.

“What happened to her?” he finally dared to ask, though he knew the answer the moment the redhead entered the room.

“They still don't know. One moment they thought it was cardiac arrest, then a stroke, then she had seizures. But finally she was just… still. At some point she regained consciousness and said her whole body hurt. The doctor gave her some medication and now she sleeps. All her vitals are fine, like nothing ever happened.”

Bucky was not thinking clearly. He had understood every single word that came out of Natasha's mouth, but he couldn't pin his thoughts down to a single idea. His mind was conjecturing at an incomprehensible speed and it was causing him severe irritability that he couldn't come up with a solution.

“Did she say anything else?”

“No.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

--

It had been six hours when you woke up. Bucky had settled into a chair in the corner of the room, not too far or too close to where you were lying, and was trying to get some sleep, but worry wouldn't leave him. Steve accompanied him for a while before he had to leave on a mission, and Natasha stopped by at some point to drop off something to eat before leaving, just like Steve, on a mission. After that, he must have spent about two hours trying to fall asleep, but it seemed an impossible task. The constant sound of the machine monitoring your heart kept him unconsciously aware of his surroundings. And, even if there were no external stimuli to keep him awake, his mind would have done so. The fear, the panic, the hopelessness…. He almost feared that you would never even wake up again.

His body almost reacted to your movements because he opened his eyes just as you were beginning to move on the gurney.

“Y/N?”

Rising from the chair, he began to slowly approach you, even though his body was begging him to run to your side and wrap you in his arms. He watched you move one of your arms to cover your eyes for a moment, before focusing your gaze on his.

Your frown did not bring him good news.

“Where am I?”

Finally reaching where you were, Bucky pressed the button on the side of the gurney to call the doctor, his heart heavy and aching. That those were the first words out of your mouth should have made him understand what had happened, and in a matter of seconds the limbs of his body shook with a shudder. But it couldn't be like that, he couldn't go through that again. Bucky was not in the capacity to go through that again.

He was promptly convinced otherwise and focused on your confused expression.

“You're at the Avengers Complex in Washington.”

“What do I do…?”

“You were in an accident. You lost consciousness for several hours.”

The dazed expression on your face didn't change and Bucky's nerves ascended with each passing second. The words came out of his mouth as an automatic response and your face contracted taking in the reality, but you didn't seem to make peace with understanding. The few things Bucky had told you seemed to only worsen your state of confusion.

“Do you know what day it is?”

When you shook your head, Bucky felt a cold chill run through him as if he were standing in the middle of a heavy snowfall. The fear he had deprived himself of and had almost prayed he would never feel again was making its way through his mind and body, and if he didn't stay calm things were not going to go well.

“It's November fourth of the year 2023. Do you remember anything about this year?”

You shook your head again. Your expression was starting to change from confusion to fear and Bucky knew he had to do something soon to keep you from being consumed by the feeling.

“No… No, I don't understand… what's going on. It's like my head is totally black. There's no-I don't see…”

Your distressed gaze met Bucky's and your bewilderment bordering on concern caused a pang in his heart. He felt like he could die of a broken heart at that moment. He didn't know what the look on his face was, but he knew it must not be as neutral as he wanted it to be because somehow he had to let out the feeling that was choking him at that moment. It seemed like that look Bucky had on his face gave your tears permission to start bulging in your eyes.

“I can't remember anything. At all,” you sobbed. “I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't remember what happened. I don't remember who-”

Bucky watched your eyes move around the room and noticed how you clenched your hands on the sheet. Your breathing becoming ragged confirmed to him that you were about to have a panic attack. Of all the times he had done it before, he automatically reached out to you and took your hands in his. He swallowed the feeling that wanted to overpower him and the hopelessness in a second. He couldn't leave you in that situation at that moment. Your glassy, big eyes turned to his.

“You're okay right now, okay?” with your eyes locked on his, still breathing erratically and your heart about to burst, you nodded slightly. “Okay, then breathe with me and then we'll talk again.”

Bucky took a deep breath, lifting his shoulders and not taking his eyes off yours to urge you to mimic him. He stayed in that position until you did the same, taking a shaky breath and tightening your fingers around his hand. The tears wouldn't stop coming and the sight almost made him cower in the corner of his head to cry with you.

“Now let the air out of your mouth slowly.”

Exemplifying your words, Bucky let the air out and you mimicked him next, still not letting go of the trembling.

Bucky took another deep breath and you followed suit, expelling the air once he did.

Like that, again and again.

And again.

And again.

Until you could only stare into his blue eyes without a single thought in your head.

“Feeling better?”

You nodded without a word.

Bucky could notice your lowered shoulders and the few tears on your red cheeks, so he ventured to let go of your hands. He didn't let it go unnoticed the way your eyes parted from his, after so long, to observe the place where your hands were joined. You intertwined your own hands and let out a sigh. Bucky had to swallow again the feeling and the urge to move closer. It made him angry inside because he thought he had already learned how to handle the distance and because he didn't think he would have to go through such a scenario again, but life is full of surprises.

“I understand that you're scared and worried, okay? But I want you to try to stay calm for a while while Dr. Cho asks you some questions and runs some tests, are you okay with that?”

Bucky watched as you shook your head as he pointed behind him to where there were two women standing in the door frame who he had heard enter a few minutes ago, but didn't acknowledge their arrival until you were calm and willing. He was dying to know what had been going through your head as you cocked it and frowned slightly watching the women.

“Yes,” you barely mumbled, but Bucky could hear you perfectly. He could hear you even in any kind of crowd.

With a heaviness in his soul, Bucky got up from the gurney and gave Dr. Cho and the nurse, Christina, room to pass.

He took a few more steps away, until he was near the door, and it weighed on him to see how your eyes did not leave his figure. He didn't know whether to leave or to stay there waiting for them to finish. He didn't want to leave you alone, that was clear, but the pressure in his chest grew stronger with each passing second, and he wasn't sure he could stay any longer if you kept looking at him like that. Like he was the only person in the room, like he was the only person who mattered, like he was someone you remembered… but you don't. You don't remember him. Not anymore.

--

Bucky found himself wandering around the Complex until he decided to settle on the rooftop. He thought that spending that time alone wouldn't do him much good because his mind would replay over and over again the moment when you had that frightened expression on your face again, and then he wouldn't have time to try to calm down and regain his composure. And he did. For a few minutes.

Bucky let his mind snap. The tension building up on his shoulders was too much, and if he didn't let it out, he feared it would explode inside him. He was thankful to be alone at that moment because he didn't like to cry around people. Not just crying, but expressing too much in general.

At that moment he was crying not only for his suffering, but for yours. Because more than not wanting to go through it himself, he had to think about what you must be feeling and thinking, being in a completely foreign environment and with strangers proclaiming to know you more than you know yourself. Bucky hated the thought of you having to go through that again, even if you didn't remember the first time. Bucky was crying on that rooftop because once again life had robbed you of the well-being you deserved, because you could no longer spend a moment fully aware of yourself.

More than his pain, Bucky ached to think of yours.

And what could he do about it? Nothing. Just like last time.

He didn't know how long he'd been there, arms resting on the edge of the rooftop overlooking the green field around Complex. He only knew it was around noon when Tony Stark opened the door behind him.

“You must be hungry,” was the first thing the man behind him said, trying to lighten the tense mood that must have been surrounding Bucky at that moment. But no, he didn't have time to think about mundane things.

“Not really.”

A silence settled and he knew Tony must be weighing whether or not it had been a good idea to show up there knowing he was alone. Bucky really didn't mean to be hostile, he just felt too much anger and rage against life and the universe inside his body that he wanted to get out somehow. It wasn't the right thing to do, of course, and he was trying to control himself, but he didn't deny that it would be difficult.

“I'll leave it here, anyway. Just in case.”

Bucky caught the sound of the bag and then the sound of Tony's shoes that weren't moving away but coming closer.

“Thanks.”

“It's the least I could do.”

“And you didn't have to. I was almost going down anyway.”

Tony snorted, moving closer to the wall where Bucky was leaning.

“Surely you don't even know what time it is.”

“Surely,” Bucky agreed, nodding.

Both men took a detailed look at the trees stretching a long distance away in an oddly comfortable silence.

“Did Dr. Cho say anything?”

Tony turned to watch him, and stood for a moment pondering what to say.

“Everything's fine. She ran several tests, but everything came back fine.”

“Everything's fine except her memories are gone again.”

“She thinks it may be some kind of condition left in her brain after the accident.”

“It's been over a year now, Tony.”

“I know. They're exploring every alternative.”

Bucky nodded, getting a bitter feeling in his mouth. He knew he should be grateful you were alive, but damn, did you have to go through all that?

“How's she doing?”

“She's looking good. She hit it off real quick with Christina and was eating with Clint when I came out.”

“And she's eating well?”

“Yeah, the usual.”

Bucky nodded again. Maybe he should come back, stay with you for a while and talk about some things; anything. But every time he thought about going back he felt that tug in his chest that made him recoil from any progress. He didn't want the situation to overcome him, but he was losing the battle.

“Barnes, I wanted to tell you-”

“Tony, it's not necessary.”

“It is, especially at this time.”

“No, it's not,” Bucky spat, shifting his body to stare at the mechanic. “Especially right now, it's not.”

The man pursed his lips and Bucky turned away to look at the lunch that should have been inside the white bag on the table.

“I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For everything. That was it.”

Bucky turned to look at the man who had settled in the same way, both of them with their backs to the green field. Bucky sighed, and knowing Tony he knew he couldn't leave without having his conversation. But maybe that would do him good. It had been months since he'd last talked to anyone about that situation.

“There was no way to foresee it, you know that.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky watched the man shake his head as he did every time someone gave him a similar comment. He just wouldn't accept it.

“I could have been more vigilant, you know? I've spent my life trying to learn from my mistakes, trying to take care of the people in my charge, trying to do my best to keep everyone safe. I still don't understand how… How I could have made that mistake.”

“We were dealing with something bigger than ourselves. I think, even if you had gone all out, there couldn't have been any other ending. And believe me when I tell you I'm the person who would have wanted another ending.”

Bucky crossed his arms over his chest with his eyes on the rooftop floor. His mind roamed over those memories he tried not to return to under any circumstances, and he allowed it only because he couldn't deal with that situation any other way.

“I had to have tried.”

“Tony, I know you did your best. And I also know that after everything that happened you asked FRIDAY a thousand times if there would have been another chance to have avoided what happened. Did you have an answer?”

Tony didn't answer.

“Then it doesn't make sense for you to blame yourself for something you simply couldn't have controlled. I guess that's the way things were supposed to be.”

“It's unfair.”

“Life isn't fair to anyone.”

Bucky stepped away from the wall and reached over to take the bag Tony had brought him. “Thanks for this.”

And without further ado, he walked into the building once more.

--

From outside, Bucky watched you talking animatedly with Clint and Carol. Dr. Cho had told him that, although she had not yet been able to find the reason why you had lost your memories again, you were in perfect health. Bucky wanted to punch a wall, but settled for thanking her for looking out for you.

The day had gotten extremely long and he had only spent a quarter of it with you. It was already dusk and he had barely mustered the strength to come see you. And seeing you there, so giggly and happy, made him question whether he should come in and ruin all the fun. He knew his face was a jumble of a hundred emotions that he still couldn't quite control, because even seeing you caused him a sharp pain in his heart that he couldn't tolerate. So he didn't know if going in looking like that was the best choice.

But before he could weigh it further, your gaze met his through the masses of air, and his breath hitched for a few seconds.

The look of recognition you gave him brought a sense of warmth to his body. It was like wiping a damp cloth over his bruised heart. Bucky knew you didn't remember him, but that in such a short time you could give him that kind of look meant too much to him. Your face looked much more serene than the last time you had seen each other, and you no longer had so many wires around your body embedded in your skin, from what he could see from a distance.

Maybe it was indeed safe for him to enter.

Act normal, act normal…

“Hi, Bucky!” you greeted him effusively.

Bucky felt his body faint. Halfway through he planted his feet on the ground and watched the other two with you hold back smiles. Well, Clint wasn't so sneaky.

“How's it goig Bucky? Did you enjoy lunch? It was courtesy of Tony for everyone.”

“Yeah,” he replied dryly. He knew Clint was trying to keep his spirits up, but he didn't feel moodily ready to keep talking to other people, just to share a pleasant silence with you.

“Y/N ordered ravioli,” Carol added to the conversation, turning to look at your red face. “And she also ordered your lunch.”

Bucky frowned.

“I'm glad you liked it,” you mumbled in his direction, barely audible but crystal clear to him. His heart flipped, and he hated that his mind was trying to remind him of where he stood. He wanted a small moment of ignorance.

He didn't know what to say other than thank you, so he just stood there in front of them in a very awkward position.

“All right, Y/N, our fun is over.”

“You're leaving already?”

Bucky detailed you looking at Clint as he and Carol stretched to leave. He mentally wondered if it bothered you to be left alone with his presence, if you didn't want them to leave and leave you with him. If you saw him as an annoying, grumpy figure. He wondered if the others had said something to you about him that suddenly made you see him in a less sympathetic or friendly light. He wondered if-

“We have a mission to attend, and we're very punctual,” Carol's voice broke in on Bucky's train of thought.

“As soon as we get back we'll be here. We have a lot of other things to talk about.”

“Okay, have a good one!”

Bucky watched you shake your hand in farewell to the two people who were leaving the room and was surprised at how much your attitude had changed since he saw you after you woke up. But hey, it had been a while since then. Maybe you had been able to make peace with what had happened by now, and they must have told you everything?

“How are you?” Bucky found himself suddenly asking.

“I'm feeling fine. Besides the obvious, I'm not in any more pain. Dr. Cho told me I'll probably be discharged tomorrow.”

“That's good,” the man mused. “And you want to talk? About what happened.”

You made a thoughtful grimace that Bucky found quite tender, but his mind conjured up the times when you'd made similar grimaces in the past and he'd planted a kiss on your mouth. It wasn't a good time to reminisce about things like that, and the twinge in his heart proved him right.

“Not really,” you replied. “Why don't we talk about you?”

“About me?”

“Yes.”

“And what things do you want to talk about me?”

“Well, I was told that our relationship was different from the friendship I had with everyone else, so we can start there.”

“You want to know what kind of relationship we had?”

“Mm-hm.”

“We were married.”

Your eyes expanded in surprise, as if you expected any answer but that one. Which was strange for Bucky because he couldn't conceive of what other kind of relationship you could have besides a friendship.

“Married?”

“Yes.”

“But I don't have any rings,” you mumbled as you held up both hands to look at your fingers, then held them out to him, as if to let him see you weren't lying.

“You don't use it anymore.”

“Why?”

“Well…” Bucky didn't know how far to go with his historical account because he didn't know how much Dr. Cho or the others had told you and he didn't want to saturate you with information either. “What do you know about what happened?”

You took a deep breath and brought your hands to your lap as if you had been waiting for that question. It probably was.

“Dr. Cho told me that I had an accident over a year ago due to which I was in a coma and lost my memory. That a couple of months after being in the hospital I was discharged and came to live here. And that almost two days ago I had some kind of incident that caused me to lose my memory again.”

Bucky was taken aback by the matter-of-fact way you told him all that. The only thing that was going around in his mind was how before you didn't like to mention the subject at all and used to avoid it any way you could unless it was strictly necessary. At that moment it was as if you were telling someone else's story and not your own, because not a hint of emotion could be seen on your face.

“Then why don't I wear the ring?”

Bucky held his frown. This was definitely almost that much of a sharp change to the last few times he interacted with you.

“Hum… You've had it removed since the accident and I gave it to you after some time in the hospital, but I told you that you didn't have to wear it if you didn't want to.”

“Oh, I understand. So I decided not to wear it. And where is it?”

“I don't know. You kept it. Maybe it's somewhere in your room.”

“Right. I'll go look for it when I get back.”

Bucky nodded at your words not really knowing what to say. He didn't know how to act in reason to your behavior. Well, it should be good that it didn't seem to affect you as hard as it did before, but he found it hard to believe that it didn't affect you at all. Could it be that it really was?

He couldn't know for sure, but the calm expression on your face was about to convince him completely. The way you looked like you didn't have a care in the world made him feel much better, and he would definitely battle to make it last much longer.

“Besides that, is there anything else you want to tell me?”

Too many things.

“No.”

You let out a short laugh that bloomed in Bucky's chest.

“Then our relationship boils down to: we were married, and that's it.”

The man shrugged, not really having a clue what else to say about it.

At his gesture, you exhaled with a determined look.

“We were close?”

“Yes.”

“Did we make jokes?”

“Yes. You mostly.”

“It definitely had to be that way. Did we go out on dates often?”

“Yes.”

“Did we argue?”

“Not a lot.”

“Okay. Did we buy each other gifts?”

“Yeah.”

“Aw. Did we live together?”

“Sure.”

“Did we sleep in the same bed?”

“Of course.”

Bucky frowned as you stood for a few seconds in silence, just watching his face.

“We had children?”

The man went blank for a few seconds, only looking into your eyes. He definitely wasn't expecting that question, but it was something that had been on his mind a lot before.

“No.”

“Ah. So, did we travel a lot?”

“Yes, we traveled quite a bit.”

“Excellent!” you smiled genuinely at him, with that kind of smile he loved and that since the accident he had almost never seen. If he had seen it, it hadn't been directed at him. “Then we were a good match.”

Bucky smiled. It was almost an instinct. His mind flashed back to the one memory that at the time didn't cause him sadness: sometime, someday, you had told him that some questions had to be answered in a positive way to know if they had fulfilled their purpose of being a perfect couple. He didn't remember if it was those same questions, but he could make the connection to that memory he had of you at the time. Then, for a second, he allowed himself to enjoy the present. No worries, no sadness. You were alive right there in front of him, in an excellent state of health and, it seemed, a good state of mind. Beyond that, what could he ask for? All that was left for him to do was to make the most of every moment he had.

“Yes, we were a good couple.”

--------

A/N

😶😶😶😶😶

what are we thinking?

Taglist: @cjand10 @yallgotkik @ruffdog921 @coracal @its-just-kayy @pono-pura-vida @vampiresarezombies @kaz11283

[justhere4thevibez]

Ahhhhh this is so great! I'm excited for your fun facts ✨as per usual, I'm asking about Harrington's Christmas 😁

1. I love Steve's nickname for Chrissy, any particular story why you went for Columbo for her / their dynamic?

2. “What the fuck, Harrington!”

The van swerved suddenly, and Chrissy looked over to find Eddie staring angrily into the rearview mirror as he pulled over to the side of the road.

“Your girlfriend is sitting right in front of you,” Eddie yelled, positively red in the face. “The fuck is wrong with you, man?”

Chrissy looked behind her to see Steve’s arms around Heather, who was nearly in his lap but scrambling away, a horrified expression on her face

I love the intensity of this scene, the way Eddie is immediately enraged at Steve's flippant flirty behavior and ready to make it known. When you started writing the fic, did you always know it was leading to this altercation between the two of them or was it something that just felt right once they rescued Heather? I need all the cute deets 😉

* as you can tell I stan this fic(I'm so sorry lol) , I have to say I do love your other fics too! You'll absolutely have to share your original work some day I'd be enamored to read it!)

Ahhhhhhhh I love A Very Harrington Christmas too!!!!!!!! So pumped for these questions!

1. As for Columbo, I personally love that TV show (they manage to make a murder mystery interesting even though you already know who the killer is it's so cool). Timeline-wise, it was also relevant because it would've been on air during Chrissy's childhood. And, confession time, I spent many of my childhood days pretending to be a secret agent/detective, so I'm drawing a little bit from my own life, too 😉

2. That scene was SO INTENSE to write 😅 I was drained afterward.

Okay, so the very original "outline" for this fic was as follows (scribbled in horrific handwriting in a notebook):

Plan

Arrival

Evn (possibly meaning first evening? My writing is truly ghastly)

Dinner

Jason

Heather?

Secrets

Christmas?

As you can see, there wasn't much planning of anything at first 😭 it took me ages to figure out I wanted Steve to end up with Heather (I originally considered Barb, but it just didn't feel right). And I always knew there'd be a dramatic confrontation/reveal, but that scene kind of came up naturally once I knew Steve and Heather would be together. And I just wanted DRAMA because what kind of hallmark-esque story would it be without drama??

I hope that satisfies your curiosity lol. If not, feel free to send another ask! And DO NOT be sorry! I love that you love this fic! Maybe I'll share some original stuff... someday...

[serodev]

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈'𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮

Warnings: Tooth-rotting fluff ahead!

Pairing: Inosuke x male!reader

Note(s): Oh man, oh man, this is actually the first time I've ever written about Inosuke, so I really hope that I don't accidentally make him OOC </3 I also hope that you don't mind that I wrote a drabble instead of headcanons!

Original ask by @oakseed1234: "Hello! sorry to bother but may I get some tooth-rotting headcanons for inosuke x a male reader who is tall, always tired, and is quite intimidating towards everyone except inosuke? (kinda like the complete opposite of him) if not that's okay!! and if you do thank you so much!!"

To be quite honest, your nature and character scared Inosuke at first because he had gotten so used to people like Tanjiro and Zenitsu. He still remembers the first day when he saw you hanging around in the Butterfly Estate as he was recovering from his injuries, and your tallness made him want to fight you and climb over you at the same time. There's no way a person who's as tall as you looked this tired and weak, and he definitely wanted to challenge you to a fight.

And that's what he did until Tanjiro managed to grab him by the collar of the shirt he was wearing, and he let out a surprisingly loud "Ack!" sound, which made you recoil in the distance. It was clear that you saw him and that you acknowledged his presence, which made him grind wildly under his mask; Yep! He's definitely going to fight you someday, and he was positively going to win against you as well! However, he couldn't think about it that much anymore as Tanjiro made him apologize to you on the spot, which made him sulk slightly.

As the time went on, he continued to stalk you and follow you here and there, and it made you scared at first, which was probably fair as you've never seen a guy wearing a boar mask while yelling something about fighting you. However, you got used to it pretty quickly, and you actually managed to hear his name later on the week as he was, again, yelling about wanting to fight you. Inosuke Hashibira, that was his name. It was also the day he got to hear your name, which was y/n l/n, and you could actually see how he tried to wrap his head around your name for a while until he yelled out: "I'm going to win you! Fight me! y/n!" - Expect, he didn't say your name correctly, not by a long shot, and you couldn't help but chuckle quietly at the shorter boy even as you were more tired than ever.

"I'll fight you when you're healed." You answered him in a surprisingly gentle tone, but it clearly made Inosuke angrier. "No! You're going to fight me here and now, as a real man should!" He yelled again, but this time he actually started to charge towards you. Luckily though, you were flexible regardless of your height, and it didn't take too long for you to pin the surprisingly wild boy down, who then started to trash under you.

That was the point where your friendship started to build up, and every time you two met again, you always had a small wrestling match even though you were tired and sometimes even injured, but you still wouldn't change anything in the world because you learned to love Inosuke and the tiny quirks of his. That's why it didn't come as a surprise when you realized that you've fallen in love with him, and you happened to confess your feelings to the boy once when you were about to fall asleep on his bed. It was clear that it surprised Inosuke, and the first thing he asked was: "Is it even possible for two men to love each other?? Isn't that gross?!?", But you couldn't be angry at him. Instead, slightly nodded before you answered him. "It's possible, and it's not gross." You whispered quietly, and you fell asleep pretty quickly after it.

It took some time for the wilder boy to build up his courage to confess his feelings towards you, and you couldn't help but crack a smile that nobody has ever seen before. You started to open up to Inosuke a lot more as you two were spending some time together, and you always smiled and laughed with him as well. It was actually kind of cute how intimidating you looked every time you weren't with Inosuke and how that facade broke every time you were with him, and it didn't take long for Tanjiro nor Zenitsu to notice that, and they ended up congratulating you two for your new relationship.

Author's note: Thank you so much for sending me this request - please remember to stay hydrated during this hot weather! Good news, everyone! My inbox is open again, so feel free to send me your requests!

[akira-emberheart]

songs I'd like to assign to the glee kids (part I)

Note: I'm pretty well known for making playlists and more playlists, and ever since seeing this post by @cracktastic about assigning, for the 100th episode, the least expected song to the least expected character, I've found myself craving to hear specific characters sing specific songs.

(I've also started another separate list to add on to that post I mentioned, but that will be a post for another day)

So after going through my music library, I came up with a small list of songs for each character that I would love to hear them sing, for various reasons, which i'll do my best to explain.

This got really long really fast, because I like to get into meta and over analyze - I'm also just very passionate about music. For that reason, I'll do 5 songs at a time for a specific character, and I'll be putting a read more.

Also, please be gentle with me - I've watched Glee a year ago, and it's entirely possible I may be missing or confusing scenes and storylines in my head. If I do, let me know!

If you read this and find yourself thinking of songs and scenarios as well, do share them with me! I'm working on actual Spotify Playlists as well.

So let's get into it -

for Kurt Hummel

> Re: Stacks by Bon Iver

"This is not the sound of a new man

or crispy realization

It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away

Your love will be

Safe with me"

This is probably one of my favorite songs ever, and I first thought about it for Kurt after realising how beautiful his voice would sound in it, because of its crystal clear and poised quality. (I liked it so much I included it in a scene on my fanfic too).

If you don't know Bon Iver, or the history of this song, it's the last track in an album full of more..."depressing" songs. It's also the one that has a throughout tone of hope, of recovery after a hard ordeal, of taking some first steps to a better place.

I imagine it would be a good song for him around the time he meets Blaine - when the Karovsky situation is nearly over, and he starts looking back on his school year - Burt's heart attack, the bullying - and, now with Blaine in his life, and a renewed self confidence, he's finally able to confidently step into a better phase of his life and heal from all he went through.

I see this one being sung in a quiet moment of reflection, when he's alone. Maybe in the choir room, or even outdoors in a nice garden. In my fanfic I wrote it in a different context, in Blaine's room at night, so I guess that works in my head too.

***

> Enchanted by Taylor Swift

"I'm wonderstruck

Blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you"

I'm very fascinated with Kurt's whole storyline in S2 - things start off so rough for him, but when Blaine comes along, and when Kurt is able to grow and shift more and assuming the person he really is, things start looking up. I chose this song for what it promises, and also because I can imagine it in Kurts lower singing register and it seems like a good one for him. Also, yes, I was a kid who owned Speak Now. Sue me.

This song is about first meeting someone very special, and that happens to be the beginning of Klaine. With the almost whispered lyrics, the slowly crescent ambiance and rhythm, it really encapsulates the feeling of everything stopping when you lay eyes in that one special person, and the flooding rush of emotions that happens right after.

Kurt had no idea how much an unsuspecting visit to a rival show coir school would change his life, even less in the midst of the situation he was in. It also seems fitting for Kurt and his early relationship with Blaine because of some specific lyrics ("This is me praying now / This was the very first page / Not where the storyline ends"). Enchanted tells the story of a special first meeting, and hints at something special to come, from the perspective of someone who is awestruck for someone.

Like the one above, this one would fit in early S2, possibly in EP6, after Kurt and Blaine's meeting at Dalton Academy. When he's back home, alone in his room, daydreaming, or when he's back at McKinley in that same afternoon.

***

> Gonna Get Over You by Sara Bareilles

"Oooh, how am I gonna get over you? I'll be alright, just not tonight But someday. Hey, I wish you'd want me to stay I'll be alright, just not tonight"

My main reason for choosing this one is because I think it fits very very well with Kurt's voice, and musical taste - its a very vibrant and poppy song, despite the more depressing theme - a post breakup promise of getting over it.

I first thought of it for S4, soon after the Breakup™, but paying close attention to the lyrics (I do tend to get stuck on just the melody sometimes), it makes more sense to place this on during the S6 Breakup - when Kurt finds out about Blaine dating Karovsky, after deciding he wants Blaine back.

So it's a hard situation for him, as we see from his breakdown in the bathroom (poor Kurt!), and he really has to come to terms with the mistakes he made (and the mistakes they both made as a couple), pick himself up, and move on.

I imagine this one being sung during an outing with Rachel, when she's trying to cheer him up and lift him up a little from his depression. My brain readily produces an image of a sunny street or a shopping mall that the two of them walk through, Kurt with some nice vivid colored clothes, finally being able to smile and ready to perhaps start moving on, or at least ready to start considering he will be okay.

***

> Killer Queen by Queen

"She keeps her Moet et Chandon

In her pretty cabinet

"Let them eat cake", she says

Just like Marie Antoinette"

This song just reminds me of Kurt. It's one of my all time favorites from Queen, and ever since watching Glee, these two are just connected in my mind. Voice wise, Kurt could definitely handle it.

It's apparently about a "high class prostitute"(? Freddie's word's, not mine), but still paints a pretty and dainty picture, and you can almost picture a porcelain faced lady in her best clothes, delicately smoking a cigarette. It also contains words that probably only Kurt can pronounce out of everyone in the glee club.

Many Queen songs were sung on Glee, but I don't think there was ever a Queen episode. For this one, I suggest a headcanon scenario, maybe during S3, when Mr. Shuester decides to have a Queen week - and Kurt isn't known for going with the obvious choices. He wants to be classy, edgy and impressive, and he sings in front of everyone, half in the choir room, half in the auditorium, perhaps with some fancy decoration and dancers behind him.

***

> The Answer by Kodaline

"You might think you found the one

Until your heart gets ripped and torn

Yeah, I used to feel bad, I used to feel like that

I still feel a bit like that"

This is another one that I picked immediately solely based on Kurt's voice - I really do like his voice with just a quiet, discrete instrumental. Looking into it further, I decided it could really work for Kurt's character.

I didn't go very deep into the intended meaning of the song, because it definitely has space for different interpretations. I choose to go with the breakup one. These lyrics here reminded me a little of the S4 breakup storyline - "We all fall down from the highest clouds / to the lowest ground" - makes me think how well Kurt's life was going once he arrived in New York, with the internship, his apartment situation with Rachel, a new and exciting place where he could freely be himself... and then he's completely blindsided by Blaine's cheating. He goes from being ecstatic and excited at Blaine's appearance, looking forward to share with him all the great things he just discovered, when Blaine's confession sends him to a well of despair, doubt and loneliness. The lyrics "You might think you found the one / until your heart gets ripped and torn" - reinforce the whole situation.

I can see him singing this not long after the breakup, on one more sleepless night, maybe walking alone through the streets of New York, or maybe in a montage of his busy daily routine, while he just gets through the day with a whole lot of emptiness weighing on his chest.

[randomnessunicorn-imagine]

Readers see themselves very weak and they want to become stronger so they will be able to fight against the terrible aliens who threat the Enterprise. They ask Worf, Riker and Beverly if they can help and train them to become a real warrior. (Consider putting the music "I'll make a man out of you" from Mulan XD maybe it helps)

{ I wrote one drabble for every character.

I hope you and people will appreciate, thanks for the ask! }

⚔️ WORF ⚔️

You werethe one who admired Worf from afar, because you could not find the courage toapproach him.

Everyonewould think you were crazy if you had a crush on this Klingon, well, you werenot so crazy because you admired Worf a lot, because he was a man of honour andvalue. He could appear scary but he was a gentle warrior and he was the onlyone who could help you.

Youreyes became two hearts every time you looked at him and you desired to know himbetter even if it was impossible because Worf was so cold, serious and distant.No way could a warrior like Worf be interested in a weak human like you butthere would be a way!

Maybethere was a way to approach him and you had an idea.

You knewWorf was a true warrior and so this could be a good excuse to approach him.

Maybe ifyou became a strong warrior like him he could notice you and love you. It was agood idea and you were super determined to achieve your aim.

“Ensign,(Y/N), you want me to teach you the art of the Klingon’s fight?” he asked youconfused since he did not think you were the kind of person who fought, becausehe always saw you so calm and pacifist.

“Yes,Mr. Worf, I want to become stronger, it’s very important for me and you are thestrongest warrior here, I can learn a lot from you, Sir.” You said with proudand determination.

“Ok, wecan start our training tomorrow.” He appreciated your willpower but you shouldknow, he was a severe coach and he took the art of fighting very seriously.

Then hetold you the hour and the place of the training, you would love if it was areal date but you could not fly too high, but it was better than nothing, youcould still spend some time with your favourite Klingon.

You werenot a real fighter and Worf realized it but you were not even so weak, youcould learn and he was not about to give up. His honour did not allow him togive up and so he put all his effort to train you.

His trainingwas hard and so any times you wanted to be the one to give up but you could notdisappoint him, Worf believed in you and you wanted him to be proud of you.

Youreyes shined like two fire while you were preparing your attack, he has neverseen you so concentrated and motivated.

“Sir? IfI win, could I ask you something?” you said with a cold tone of voice.

“Yes,what do you want to know?” He looked at you with a perplexed look.

“I haveto win first!” and you wanted to earn your prize and you were too embarrassed toask to him this thing and so if you would not win, your honour would be safe.

The twoof you started fighting and you really put all your heart and energy to winsince you never won against him but you observed Worf so much to learn all hismoves (yes, you also observed him because you liked him) but now was differentand you could not fail or act like a child.

After along battle, you found the right moment to attack him and knock him out. Youwon this fight, you started jumping, and screaming like crazy, Worf was perplexedbut could understand your euphoria, you were so exuberant

“Congratulations,ensign Y/N, you improved a lot these last weeks, I’m impressed.” he said with aproud voice, he found you a great student, after all.

“Oh,thank you so much, Mr. Worf, you’re a great teacher, you’ve got a lot ofpatience with me…” you said, scratching your head.

“So whatdid you need to tell me?” he asked you with his usual serious tone of voice andthen you freeze because it was time to confess your hidden desire.

“Well,Mr. Worf… I, I just wanted to ask you if you’d like to have dinner with me thisevening…” you said and you felt like an idiot and even Worf was leftspeechless.

“Dinner?”he repeated.

“Yes, Imean, I want to thank you for everything… “ and then you wanted just spend amore romantic time with him.

Worfnodded, he found it great and then he thought that fighting was very intimate,so he could say he would be glad having dinner with you.

.

🎷 WILLIAMRIKER 🎷

You didnot consider yourself as the strongest or bravest official of the Enterprise.

Maybeyou were a little shy and you self-conscious, so you often asked yourself ifyou were truly worthy of this job since you were not that powerful or heroiclike all the other officers you met.

Sometimes,you were called to take part of some missions and you did your job well, nobodynever complained about your work but you knew you could do more than this, itwas not enough and you wanted to be noticed, to leave a trace of yourself inthis big world. Maybe it was hard or unfair, but you needed to take a chanceand try something new, to feel the adrenaline under your veins.

Ithappened during that mission, it was a normal reconnaissance mission but itbecame more dangerous than this, you felt so weak and harmless. In that moment,when that alien attacked you, you were unable to defend yourself and youblocked, you stopped breathing as if your body freeze.

Luckily,there was the commander Riker to help you, he fought against that monster andsave you. Even when the two of you were teleported on the Enterprise, you wereshocked, he was truly worried because you did not answer at his questions andso they brought you to Beverly and she said that you were only scared, youblocked because of the anxious you felt.

When youfelt better, you just felt so worried and ashamed, you acted like a child, soyou wanted to vanish inside a black hole.

TheDoctor said you could take a day off so you could rest, she already talked withRiker and he had no problem if you needed to rest but you were the one who hada problem because you did not want to take a day off and you wanted to apologywith the Commander because you caused him trouble.

“Iwanted to apology for my behaviour, I didn’t help during the mission, I wascompletely unable to react and so you risked to be injured because of me, I’m sorry,Sir.” You said to Riker even if he was not angry or disappointed.

“Oh,ensign, Y/N, you don’t need to apologise, it’s not your fault, it was unexpected,just don’t feel guilty, ok? You did your job well.” He said, nodding, smilingfriendly and you did not deserve his kindness and good words, you thought.

Ofcourse, you were glad he was not mad but you had to improve and get rid of thisfear that blocked you.

“You arevery gentle, Sir. I hope I’ll do better next time. I should not feel so scared,sometimes I feel so weak.” You confessed, sighting.

“Uhm…You can still learn, why don’t you come to Worf’s Mok'bara lesson, I guess, you’llfind it very interesting and maybe you’ll relax a little.” He suggested,smiling politely.

“Oh,yes, I can try…” you said and then he left, you came back to your quarters torest, talking with Riker made you feel better and you hoped you could talk tohim again. Maybe you would meet him in those Mok'bara lessons.

The Mok'baralesson was not bad, a little hard but it was interesting, something you neverdid before and maybe it could help you to become stronger. There you saw Rikerand he was glad you accepted your advice; he greeted you with one of hisfriendly smiles.

“Youdecided to take a look at it, good.” He said, the lesson was over and everyonewas coming back to their quarters.

“Yes, it’sbeen very intense, it’s really hard… But interesting.” You said, hoping not toseem weird.

“Ah, itwas your first time, you’ll certainly improve.” He encouraged you.

“I hope,I truly need to become stronger, maybe learning a form of fight could help butI should do more than that.” You said, sighing.

“You’reso impatient, aren’t you? We can train together sometimes, what do you think?”he smiled wider and you just could not say no to him.

“I don’twant to disturb you, sir.” You said.

“Ah,anything of that and don’t call me sir in these circumstances, and I also needto improve, I’m still unable to beat Worf, so we both should do more than that.”He laughed, winking at you.

“Thankyou!” you said, you contained the joy because you did not want to appear like achild but you were truly happy you could spend some time with him even if itwas for training it was still great.

.

💉 BEVERLYCRUSHER 💉

You andBeverly were great friends and you two spent a lot of time together.

Youestimated her so much because she was such a strong and smart woman, she wasyour role model. Working with her was the grandest thing that could happen toyou, since you worked as a nurse in her infirmary and so you spent every daytogether, she was your boss but she treated you as her friend.

Yourwork was not very adventurous and so you did not live the adventures everybodyhere lived but you liked when she told you about them, you always listened toBeverly’s stories with curiosity and interest and you hoped you could live oneof those adventures with her someday.

You alsoknew that she, other than being the Doctor of the Enterprise, did so many otherthings, she was a great dancer and actress, she fought very well, you were soimpressed by all her talents.

She wasa super woman and you wanted to ask her if she could help you to become asstrong as her.

“I’d behonour if you could teach me some of your fighting techniques, I know you’vetrained with Worf, you are very skilled and I think I could learn a lot fromyou, Doctor.” You confessed to her filled with enthusiasm.

Shelaughed softly at your request, saying, “Why don’t you ask to Worf, he’s moreskilled than me.”, Beverly was honoured but she still was not so confident abouther fighting abilities.

“No, Idon’t want, I mean, I know he’s an expert but I don’t feel so comfortable withhim… he is too…Serious…” you said, hoping not to sound offensive but the Doctorsmiled.

“Yes,Worf is very austere. Maybe we can train together, why not.” She said, smiling.

“Oh,great. It’ll be fun… Thank you, Beverly… Hum… Doctor Crusher.” You said,sometimes you called her using her name since you considered her as yourfriend, she did not mind but you wanted to be professional, a little awkwardbut still professional.

Maybe ifyou became stronger, you could accompany Beverly to some mission and it wasuseful, anyway.

You andshe decided the day and the hour of your training and you could not wait tothis day to come.

Beverlywas a great teacher, she was so calm and patient, but she was so strong, shewas able to beat you even with her eyes closed but you had no experience.

“You’revery modest, you’re a true Klingon fighter, Beverly.” You complimented to her.

“I’m learningfor a long time, but I’m nothing compared to a true Klingon fighter, I can’tbeat Worf.” She said, preparing for attacking you and you parried her kick.

“Worfseems unbeatable but I’m sure, you’ll beat him one day.” You encouragedBeverly.

“You’reso kind, but you shouldn’t be kind with your adversary.” She said, smirking andthen she beat you again.

You lostyour concentration the moment she spoke, maybe you had to be less talkative andmore concentrated to the match but there were so many other matches to fightand you would win at least one of them.

Thanksto these lessons, you and Beverly became more friends than before and you wereglad of it, she was glad, too.

Sometimes,you even invited to have dinner with you and she invited you to have breakfastin her quarters because before a good training you needed to eat well. Sheacted like a mom with you sometimes but you liked being her spoiled child.