#manifesting a new album and tour

[antisocialxconstruct]

.

[electricdreamachine]

Kinda wish miles and alex had covered lee hazlewood's for one moment back with tlsp

[worldsworstwinner]

wait. 2 new singles from daughter and an album in april.

[ham1lton]

manifest it!

pairing: logan sargeant × famous singer!reader.

faceclaim: mariah carey.

warnings + summary: nothing. mostly fluff!! logan is a big simp and in his y/n era. he’s kinda real for that.

author's note: i had sm fun with this prompt!! hope u enjoy it <3 also i realised i might have spelt his name wrong at some point but ignore any errors. as i said… we die like men 😘😍.

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liked by taylorswift, logansargeant and 1,937,828 others.

yourusername: miami!! you were incredible!! thank you for letting this gal perform for you. my new album is a part of my heart and i’m so happy to share not only the album but the documentary of the behind the scenes. love you all and i’ll see you soon!! mwah! 🦋.

view all 89,937 comments

user1: BEST VOICE OF THIS GEN!!!

user2: the lyrics on butterfly are making me cry. her pen is LETHAL y’all.

user3: why is logan liking her pics…

-> user4: no seriously 😭 like ariana?? what are you doing here??

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liked by y/nswifey, logansargeant and 170,092 others.

y/nstyle: some of y/n’s formula one outfits!! i’ll link the origins in my bio 🦋💕 which is your favourite?

view all 78,837 comments

user1: oh that carlitos girl was right…

-> user2: our girl is gone….

user6: the first one ate down. one thing about y/n is that she loves herself some sunnies.

user3: no why is no one questioning that logan has been following this account for three years??

-> user4: he’s one of us.

-> user5: for style inspo duh…

-> user3: girl i doubt he wants to dress like y/n… he just wants y/n 😭😭

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liked by kerrywashington, celinedion and 1,928,838 others.

yourusername: winning the grammy was the second best part of the night. the best was having someone dear to me to celebrate it with. sorry my speech ran over @grammys. can you blame a girl? thank you to everyone who supported me with this album. my team, my producers, my band and my incredible backing vocalists. you brought this to life.

and to my supporters. i want to thank you all for being the sweetest people and so incredibly nurturing as i wrote this album. thank you for letting my album last 21 weeks at number one!! i’m still shocked!! i’m gonna sign off now because i have to celebrate but mwah! i’ll see you all soon on the butterfly tour! 🦋💕

view all 108,738 comments

user1: no softlaunch for our girl. she straight out said ‘shoutout to my boyfriend logan.’ she’s so real. we love this for you queen.

user3: BUTTERFLY TOUR!!! im gonna have to fight with logan for the damn tickets now 😒

-> user4: when you’re in a y/n stan competition and your opponent is logan sargeant 😨😨.

user2: y/n dating a delusional fan is so real… that means i have a chance with charles leclerc!!

-> charles_leclerc: no you don’t.

-> user7: unprovoked 😭😭

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liked by landonorris, yourusername and 282,928 others.

logansargeant: happy birthday my love. two years together and a lifetime to come. you’re the girl of my dreams and i’m so glad you chose to spend your life with me. love you butterfly 🦋💕

view all 27,738 comments

landonorris: ain’t no way you’re dating thee y/n….

-> yourusername: believe it bitch 🦋💕.

-> user1: NOT THE BUTTERFLY EMOJI 😭

-> oscarpiastri: i didn’t believe it either but he must have gone to the tom holland school of manifestation.

-> landonorris: logansargeant ME NEXT ME NEXT ME NEXT 🙏🏼 🧘🏽

user2: BEST COUPLE EVER.

user3: all those gifts?? damn… she’s getting spoiled as she should!

user4: favourite song on butterfly?

-> logansargeant: that’s like asking me to choose between my children 😨

-> yourusername: it’s breakdown 🦋💕.

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[chaostudee]

ferrari part two , charles leclerc

summary : y/n is touring her new album whilst charles is fighting for the championship yet they still find the time to support one another. warnings : none a/n : you can read this as a standalone but if you want here is part 1.

y/nusername night 42 in los angeles last night, love you all dearly. can't believe that the next show is our last one 😭😭 these past few months have been the best of my life and i'm not ready for it to end. anyways next week las vegas <3

liked by charlesleclerc, larray , sabrinacarpenter and 3,910,919 others.

user9229 okay charles i get it

y/nloverr you were amazing literally best night of my lifeee

charlesleclerc my pretty girl

y/nusername my pretty boy <3

f1fan_891 now that i've heard ferrari live i can finally die happy

sabrinacarpenter forever in awe of you

landonorris can't wait for this tour to end, acc can't bear listening to charles whining about how much he misses you 🙄

kikagomez my stunning bsf <3

charlesleclerc disappointing day for me after a dnf after the first lap because of engine difficulties but well done to carlos for earning some well needed points. on to las vegas next.

liked by y/nusername, carlossainz, landonorris and 5,820,001 others.

user9292 charlos forever ❤️

f1fan we love you charlesss

carlossainz we'll bounce back stronger 💪

y/nusername ily

charlesleclerc ily more angel

f1wagupdates i need y/n and charles to reunite already plsss i miss my parents

landonorris sorry mate but thanks for the free position :)

charlesleclerc i-

y/nusername guess where i'm heading???

》 user929 OMG ARE MY PARENTS ABOUT TO BE REUNITED

》 f1fan OMG OMG

》 y/nmyfave SCREAMING

》 kikagomez wish you were coming to see me :,(

》 y/nusername immm sryyy we have to meet up soon

charlesleclerc

y/nusername recharing with ml before las vegas.

liked by charlesleclerc, kikagomez, gracieabrams and 3,920,720 others.

gracieabrams why are you guys acc the cutest tf

kikagomez parentssss

y/nusername me with you and pierre

user929 i love them more than my own parents

f1fan oh that's not- user929 but in the sense that-

f1wagupdates yayyy finally something for me to post :)

y/nusername

y/nusername tonight was the best and worst. the best because i got to spend it with my bestfriends and the worst because now it's time to say goodbye. this tour has changed my life and has helped me through rough times, i hope it did the same for you <3. i want to say and thank you to my team, all the people behind the scenes and especially to you my fans (my bffs). lastly i want to thank the most important person in my life @charlesleclerc, i love you dearly and your endless support for me makes me fall in love with you more everyday. you are my whole world forever. forever and always.

liked by charlesleclerc, nicsturniolo, sabrinacarpenter and 5,910,929 others.

*comments on this post are turned off*

y/nusername pookie is looking fire tonight 🔥

》 charlesleclerc pookie looks fire all the time*

》 y/nusername true

》 user111 the way he looks at herrrr god he's so in love

》 f1fan ugh get married already

charlesleclerc great race today, definetly think that this was because of my lucky charm @y/nusername.

liked by y/nusername, maxverstappen, carlossainz and 6,199,810 others.

y/nusername so fucking proud of you <3

liked by charlesleclerc

maxverstappen great race man

charlesleclerc you too mate justaninchident they are never beating the lestappen allegations.

carlossainz manifesting a charlos podium for the next race 🤞

user920 yayyyyy charles back on the podium

taglist ⭑.ᐟ

@lottalove4evelyn

@sweetestgirlintown111

@mxryxmfooty

[yourmomxx]

➵ angels talking - social media au | ln4 (2)

❥ pairing - lando norris x fem!singer!reader

❥ plot - the aftermath of you announcing your new relationship

❥ warnings - none

❥ a/n: as always, the pictures are taken off pinterest and therefore do not have any consisency regarding the reader’s looks (as it is a self-insert and the photographs merely are for visualization)

part i | part ii - the number four

masterlist | requests

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♔꙳⋆ instagram ꙳⋆

landonorris

liked by maxverstappen, parishilton and others

landonorris golden days with my golden girl

view all comments

bella.ltn screaming crying throwing up they’re so cute

paddockgirl not lando being a simp on main

↳ landonorris1 @/paddockgirl he’s just like us fr

carlossainz finally official🙏

↳ f1updates @/carlossainz oh hi carlos

kellypiquet tu ferais mieux de la garder @/landonorris

sebastianvettel real happy for you mate

↳ 33maxverstappen @/sebastianvettel we miss you on the grid

realobama her confused face in the second picture she’s just like me fr

hotchswife at first i didn’t know what to think of this but now i just think it’s amazing

suziesalmon new WAG alert

mollym the internet is going to eat this up

coconutananas NOOOO LANDOO

ynforreal guys we lost yn in the world of single ladies😔✊

↳ lanadelslay @/ynforreal i don’t know how to stay strong in this time of grief

lilymhe LANDO I LOVE YOU FOR THIS

↳ alexalbon @/lilymhe ???

alexalbon you just had to start dating my girlfriend’s favorite singer mate didn’t you?

lilyzneimer wishing you guys all the best

alexandrasaintmleux ♥️♥️

↳ lanadelslay @/alexandrasaintmleux ALEX HIII

ao3chick love how all the driver’s girlfriends are commenting like moms signing cards in the name of their kids

danielricciardo congrats!!!

↳ landonorris @/danielricciardo i saw your comment on her post

↳ danielricciardo @/landonorris what comment on whose post? i don’t even speak english🦡

lastlaplando not them being cute

julie.ss highway looking real cozy right now🤭

f1n1fan seb being the proud mom i love him🫶

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♔꙳⋆ instagram ꙳⋆

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oliviarodrigo and others

yourusername excited to tell you that my new song ‘444’ is available to listen to now on all music streaming platforms! oh, and also that my new album will be released november 22nd😘save the date

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itsbrutalouthere not her telling us about a new album TWO WEEKS before it comes out

sabrinacarpenter song is so amazing babe

papayagirl someone please call taylor swift and get that girl some marketing help😭

lukehemmings 🔥🔥

oliviarodrigo LOVE IT

iknewyouweretrouble I just listened to the song and i am deceased

ynisbabe 444? EXCUSE ME THE MATH

hannahmountana this song is so hot i can’t -

jessicag you did so well with this!!

amslerin please come to la on the next tour i wanna see you live so bad😩😩

jana_gp GIRL WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE ANGELS TOLD YOU HES NOT RIGHT FOR YOU

↳ xemily @/jana_gp WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE NUMBER 444 WAS A SIGN TO LEAVE HIM

ynlnn the background music? the vocals?? i can’t anymore

tswizzle 444 the math is so beautiful on this one

kellykiwi the mv awakened something in me

urnamehere i love this song so much

hamiltonh 444? a fourth album? lando the number four?? BESTIE

therealyn queen of manifesting fr

ferrarisupreme “444 you saved my life i really got these angels by my side” lando norris the man👏 that👏you👏 are👏

tangledinu NEW ALBUM YES

midnightprentiss already presaved i’m so excited

ameliadahlia why is everyone talking about math here?? someone explain i’m so lost😭

↳ sabrinajenga @/ameliadahlia @/girlsplainingcelebrities made a post explaining it all, i’ll tag you🫶

girlsplainingcelebrities

liked by papayagirl, sarahprg and others

girlsplainingcelebrities another day, another girlsplain! today, what the number four means to our favorite popstar girly, yn yln!!🩷

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boxnexx not to mention that the new album she’s releasing will be her fourth!!! so excited what she has planned for us

zeeema the whole thing with her and lando is so cute

emilyx i always look forward to your posts☺️🙏

sabrinajenga @/amiadahlia

herbsherm whoever runs this account, you have saved my ass so many times, hope your pillow is cold on both sides

leaglb whether you believe in angel numbers or not, these would be a whole of a lot coincidences

formeformulas when i heard "every time i see 444 it means no more i know for sure" i was FREAKING

cheesestrings ALSO not to mention her album comes out on november 22ND - 2+2=?

tswizzle she’s so smart i love her

ynisbabe when my teachers told me i would need maths outside of school they actually meant this

carlaarcher can we please all agree that 444 is about her relationship with arthur and that it was basically lando who made her realize he wasn’t good enough?

↳ paddockgirl @/carlaarcher GURL FR no way those two didn’t have something going on

↳ leclercsgirl @/paddockgirl besides, the media didn’t see her with any other guy during that time the song is probably set, so it CAN only be arthur

↳ itsellie @/leclersgirl would explain their radio silence with each other as well

↳ bella.ltn @/itsellie tbh if my boyfriend practically stopped posting me on his social media or acknowledging my existence the moment we got more serious i would dump that man too

vanityfair and yourusername

liked by tswizzle, papayagirl and others

vanityfair Singer-Songwriter YN YLN talks Split from Rumoured Childhood Romance Arthur Leclerc, Release of New Song and Announcement of Fourth Album, and Relationship with Formula 1-Driver Lando Norris

Click on the Link in the Bio to watch the entire Interview

view all comments

coconutananas that caption is longer than my life span😭

mollym girl was busy the past few weeks

ylnwife i am so in love with everything this woman has been doing for the past few months, this is amazing

factorfic just watched it and it is so amazing!! love how her and lando have the same sass, they fit perfectly tbh

charthurleclerc the day we find out what really happened between her and arthur leclerc will be the day i can finally rest

itsbrutalouthere "I'm a ferrari girl" -YN YLN, girlfriend of MCLAREN DRIVER Lando Norris, 2023

↳ landonorris1 @/itsbrutalouthere loved her for this

↳ bimess @/itsbrutalouthere PLS the way she was like "I love my boyfriend but everytime a ferrari is on pole I risk a breakup" she's so real

ynisbabe she looks so good here hello???

emilyzkn can’t wait for the albummmmm oh my god

jilledits i swear to god if she spills more tea about arthur i will be FERAL

wanderwall now all we need is someone interviewing lando about her and my life will be complete

jawdropforkpop i’m already so excited for her new album, i can’t even

peppyi her new song was so good, can’t wait for the album!!

[justmystyles]

Series

Now You're In My Life

summary: a chance meeting at a diner turns your world upside-down and leads you on a whirlwind romance with one of the biggest pop stars in the world.

(More Than) One Shots

(One shots that got away from me, but aren't quite a series.)

Lost (2 Parts) Lose You to Love Me A run-in with your childhood sweetheart brings up old memories, and lingering feelings. Lost and Found You and Harry reconnected a month ago, and he insisted you come along for the final show. when your emotions start to get the better of you, you wonder if you and Harry could ever really just be friends.

End of the Road (2 Parts) Home Stretch As the tour comes to an end, the schedule starts to visibly take its toll on Harry, and you can't help but worry. Crossing the Finish Line It's the final show and Harry charms you into making good on a promise you made last time you were together.

Big Winners (3 Parts) Harry and Y/N have been friends for fifteen years, they finally work together on an album, and it leads them to a night that will change everything for them. Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

One Shots

All I Ask*

You're finally starting to get over Harry, what happens when fate brings you back together?

Having Your Baby

You get some life changing news, and come up with the perfect way to tell your husband.

Wallflower

You're sitting alone at a wedding, can a handsome stranger help you come out of your shell?

Line of Fire

You and Harry have been keeping your relationship off the radar, but his concern for you overwhelms his need for privacy.

Coming Home To You*

Harry comes home early and catches you by surprise in the best way possible.

Scars

Can Harry be the comfort you need after falling back into old habits?

Ooh La La

After a revelation on movie night, you and Harry decide to reenact one of the scenes.

Love Don’t Cost A Thing

Harry loves to spoil you, but you're having a hard time adjusting to his lavish lifestyle.

The Battle in Barcelona

A crazy crowd at the airport comes between you and Harry.

Misplaced Emotion

As Harry prepares to jump back into the spotlight, he has a hard time re-adjusting to public life, and it manifests in the wrong way.

Good News All Around

You reach a big milestone in your life, but feel overshadowed when you call to tell Harry about it.

Perfect Harmony

You're in the final days of the tour, and Harry makes a suggestion that ends up changing everything.

Lights, Camera, Action

What was supposed to be just another job becomes the start of something new.

Business or Pleasure?

You return to Love on Tour after an extended break, but after your last interaction, you come back to an awkward situation with Harry.

Reigning it In

You're about to participate in your first horse show, but the nerves overwhelm you. Harry finds you just in time.

Family Portrait

Harry has a couple of heartfelt surprises for you while you're visiting him on tour.

All or Nothing*

You find a new way to tease Harry during a tour visit, which leads to a new way to drive him crazy.

With this Ring

Harry takes his commitment to you to a new level.

Veiled Insecurities

Harry has some insecurities about your relationship, but instead of talking to you about them, they end up coming out in the wrong way.

Heart Song

As a former member of the Love on Tour band, and current girlfriend of Harry, he asks you to reprise your spot for the final show.

Road to Recovery

After reading some negative comments about yourself, you nearly spiral back into old habits. you try to keep it from Harry, but he finds out and confronts you about it.

A Work of Art

After procrastinating for a few weeks, you finally make moves to finish your assignment, but run into an unexpected road block.

He's Not Me

You introduce Harry to the guy you're seeing, and you see a side of him you've never seen before and are shocked by his reasoning.

Sharing is Caring

You can't find your favorite handbag, Harry assures you he doesn't have it, but you see some photos tell a different story

Cantaloupe

In this one shot/flash forward from the Now You're In My Life storyline, you and Harry recap the big news from your family's Thanksgiving dinner.

Like Riding a Bike

Despite being on break, Harry manages to find his way back onstage.

Fa La La La Freakout

You will be meeting Harry's family for the first time over the holidays, and you are desperate for them to like you.

The Morning After

The morning after Harry's 30th birthday, you're hungover and Harry reminds you of your drunken actions from the night before, leading to a conversation you never expected.

Baby-Baby-Baby

Harry meets his niece for the first time, the joy and excitement are quickly replaced with a whole new set of feelings when his best friend, Y/N joins him at the hospital.

Smoke & Mirrors

Harry asks you to move to London with him, but a new opportunity for him makes things a little more complicated than you'd both expect.

(*) - NSFW

For my Harry inspired press-on nail artwork, click here!

[userparamore]

PARAMORE'S DORK INTERVIEW

i thought i'd gather some of the highlights/important quotes from their newest interview with dork magazine; all from new music, more solo music from hayley, and fine print. i've put it under the cut as it got a little long:

– hayley talking about new music:

Well, the band have already started toying with new music. At home, before the tour began, Paramore created some early demos that "really surprised" Hayley, with the tracks taking inspiration from the Bjork-fronted alt-rock band The Sugarcubes. But they've also spent a few days off from tour in the studio. In Hamburg, they visited Clouds Hill Studio and started messing around with another idea that "felt like it was on the other side of the tracks to what we'd been working on at home," offers Hayley. "But that excites me."

"Lyrics have always been a huge driving force for me as well. I feel a deep sense of discomfor when we go home to the American South in this political climate and a lot of poetry that I've been writing lately feels like adulted versions of the themes I was writing about in 'Brand New Eyes'." The band's third album was an exploration of faith, betrayal, community and pain. "Also you mid-30s are wild. I was told they were supposed to be breezy but it's like another puberty."

After the overwhelming positive reaction to the glistening pop of 'After Laughter' and the scuzzy rage of 'This Is Why', there's a real sense of liberation to whatever comes next. [...] "It does feel like there's more space now to do whatever it is we're inspired to do and not look back," she adds. "It doesn't have to be on thing either."

– hayley talking about more solo music:

"Fine Print is about creating a better ecosystem for our creativity," explains Hayley. And that includes potential solo stuff as well. "Paramore has always been the thing that I want to do the most, and I get really passionate and protective of it," says Hayley, but something shifted after seeing that nothing major changed with the band after releasing solo album 'Petals for Armor' and follow-up record 'Flowers for Vases/Descansos'. "I don't feel done with it at all," she adds. "And that feels so good to say."

"Originally she wanted her solo music to be released under the Petals for Armor name because it felt like a nice cloak. "Even when I was doing press for 'Petals', I was really worried people would think I was done with Paramore because those rumours fly so fast, but now I don't feel that fear at all. I know the three of us will be creative until we die, and that's going to manifest as a million different projects," she explains. Some projects will be Paramore, sure, but others might be Zac shooting music videos on film or Taylor acting as a producer for other people's records, like he did with 'Petals for Armor'. "I think Fine Print is going to be a really great catch-all for those things."

– on "Fine Print" and independence:

Not having a label is the closest Paramore have ever got to the "total freedom" they felt when they first started the band. "I think the creativity is about to get cranked up," offers Hayley.

With Fine Print, Paramore want to find a balance between creating art and living life, especially because "the music industry does not reward taking care of yourself," says Hayley, who is also asking questions about fairer payments for musicians and how to support new artists as well.

Paramore are still laying the foundations for Fine Print but the whole thing is being built on the same ethos of their 2018 Art + Friends festival. "If it's not people I would be happy to have a cookout with, I don't want them involved," says Hayley. "Music is community. It's such a great connector, and that's the energy I want around anything that we do."

– on their inspirations right now:

Right now Hayley is inspired by the fearless, slightly chaotic world of pop that's being ushered in by the likes of Billie Eilish, Olivia Rodrigo and Chappell Roan. They're not afraid of messy feelings and they don't care if they don't have all the answers either, which is something Paramore have always done really well. "You have all these women ruling the world, and I don't think pop has ever been cooler," says Hayley. "It's so inspiring to see young artists being really bold, expressing themselves freely and making good shit that everyone wants to sing along to, while also speaking about things that perhaps don't always feel good to speak about," she adds, with that new generation of pop stars kickstarting discussions on politics, abortion rights, body image and predatory fan behavior.

"But there's also so much exciting stuff happening with guitar music as well," Hayley adds, name-checking Amyl And The Sniffers and "sick" new band Font. "I'll always love indie sleaze and bands like The Rapture and Yeah Yeah Yeahs, but I'm ready for whatever comes next in the dystopian future that we're all entering. We need punk music, and we need those underground movements," she explains. "Not because I want to hide from pop music, but because there's life there that I want to live."

– hayley said she thinks zac is the most underrated drummer:

"Can I also just say in an interview that I think Zac is the most underrated drummer in whatever fucking genre we're in," says Hayley, still struggling to find a label for the band. "When he was 11, and I was 13, I saw him play for the first time, and I just knew." She can't explain how she knew, because what does anyone really know at that age, but at the end of every Eras show when the rest of the band huddles around him for the furious, cathartic conclusion to 'This Is Why', it's every dream Hayley ever had for the band come true. "I'm so grateful Zac came back for 'After Laughter' because he's the backbone of Paramore. He makes us better."

– hayley on performing:

"I remember when we were touring 'Brand New eyes' and our tour manager kept telling people the only time we didn’t fight was when we were onstage. I didn't want to accept it, but he was right," says Hayley. "We were beat down, uncomfortable, and that was such a rough time, but there's a reason Taylor and I never quit, and it was the shows. Paramore gigs did get a lot of the poison out."

"My smile is sorta too big for my face but make no mistake, I am but a bird-sized woman still filled to the brim with rage. If i didn't get to make music or throw my body around the stage every night, I wouldn't survive."

"I've realised I can't be alone," says Hayley." I can't be by myself in this, so I guess we'll keep touring until we physically can't. Can you imagine seventy-year-old Taylor York doing light choreography on stage?" she laughs. "Honestly, I am so excited for the next incarnation. It feels like there's something in the water."

[On playing The Only Exception] "It's not 'Misery Business' but I didn't want to endorse that message either," she explains. This time it was her vocal coach who had a word. "He said, 'You're in a band with your partner. Just look at him and pretend nothing else ever existed'. You know what is so dumb about me?" asks Hayley. "I felt so stupid doing that at first. I felt stupid having this pure expression of adoration and tapping into the hopefulness I had as a 19-year-old. This tour completely changed my relationship with that song though. Now when I sing it, I feel happy."

[louisupdates]

[Translated from Portuguese]

Louis Tomlinson shows that he is much more than an ex-boyband

Text: Ygor Monroe May 12, 2024

British singer Louis Tomlinson, former member of the iconic band One Direction, landed in Brazil with his long-awaited "Faith In The Future World Tour", providing fans with a more mature experience on the stage of Allianz Parque, last night (11). In front of a fervent audience, the singer was acclaimed at every moment of the show, witnessing the support of his admirers.

In a moment of emotional introspection, Louis expressed his gratitude, emphasizing the lack of support in his solo journey "I don't have a radio. None of that. I don't have radio support. Look at this place! It's unbelievable. I made these albums specifically thinking about the live moments. But I've never anticipated places of this size. Listen to the FITF songs and feel your support in this huge place, I have no words. I'm trying to find them. Thank you, thank you, thank you," said the singer.

[Louis Tomlinson during a show at Allianz Parque in São Paulo | Photo: Move Concerts/Disclosure]

The "Faith In The Future World Tour" tour is one of the singer's most ambitious projects, and is part of the work explored on the album of the same name released in November 2022. Throughout the show, both the singer and his band demonstrated extreme mastery and resourcefulness, in addition to a very mature instrumental technique in relation to his last world tour.

The comparison between his previous visit to Brazil in 2022, and the recent show revealed a significant change in the composition of the audience, now more mature and aligned with the thematic depth of the singer's songs. Far from being just a teenage nostalgia, Louis now positions himself as an artist who challenges the limits of conventional pop, embracing an alternative aesthetic that manifested itself even in covers of renowned bands, such as Arctic Monkeys.

The grandeur of the show was amplified by the imposing stage structure, full of big screens and special effects, while the interactivity with the fans reached an emotional peak on the catwalk that extended as a second stage. The singer, with his usual shyness and charisma, did not hesitate to come down to hug some fans, sharing intimate moments and revealing the special connection he has with Brazil.

The show also featured the charismatic Europeans of the band Giant Rooks, from Hamm, Germany, founded in 2014. In 2019, they won the 1Live Krone Award and the Preis für Popkultur. Their debut album, "Rookery", was released on August 28, 2020. The band even did a show that left everyone impressed, and without a doubt it is one of the bands for the festivals of our circuit to keep an eye on.

In the final balance, our dear "ex-One Direction" no longer lives in the shadow of his past. Even respecting and reflecting a lot about him in his future, the singer has resourcefulness, maturity and mastery of everything he does on stage. With a more shy but charismatic tone, the "Faith In The Future World Tour" was a key change for the new era of the singer, which becomes more promising with each passing day.

Louis Tomlinson, FITFWT24: São Paulo [11.5.2024]

[bananaofswifts]

Whether she's breaking records or breaking Ticketmaster, Taylor Swift has proven time and again that she's one of the most powerful figures in modern music — and the Eras Tour is a manifestation of that.

By TAYLOR WEATHERBY

But after witnessing it in person, it's clear that Swift is not just delivering the tour of the year — it's the tour of her generation.

Sure, Beyoncé fans can't wait for her tour this summer; Harry Styles is about to embark on the final leg of his highly successful Love On Tour trek; BLACKPINK sold out stadiums around the country too. Yet, it's hard to imagine that any other tour this year will have a cultural impact as big as the Eras Tour — something that's wildly apparent whether or not you were there.

Even before Swift hit the stage for her first night at Nashville's Nissan Stadium on May 5, her influence was felt. Practically every fan of the 70,000 in attendance (a record for the venue — more on that later) was wearing some sort of reference to their favorite Swift era: a beloved lyric, or an iconic performance or music video look. While that's not necessarily a new trend in the Swiftie world, seeing all 10 of her eras represented throughout a stadium-sized crowd was equal parts meaningful and remarkable.

As someone who has been to hundreds of tours and most of Swift's — including the Reputation Tour, which I naively referred to as "the peak of her career" — I didn't think this one would feel much different than a typical stadium show. But even when Swift was just a few songs in of her impressive three-and-a-half hour set, a feeling came over me like I wasn't just watching one of music's greats — I was part of music history.

Below, here are five reasons why the Eras Tour will go down as one of the most iconic of Swift's generation.

It's Treated Like A Holiday

In the week leading up to the shows and over the weekend, Nashville was abundant with special events in Swift's honor. From Taylor-themed trivia nights to pre- and post-show dance parties to wine lists transformed into "eras," practically every place you went was commemorating her return (she last performed in Nashville in 2018).

While it's unclear whether this kind of takeover is happening in every city — after all, she does consider Nashville a hometown, as she said on stage — it's rare to see an artist have such a ripple effect by simply just coming to town.

During her May 5 show, Swift added to the excitement by sharing the highly anticipated news that Speak Now (Taylor's Version) was coming on July 7. Upon the announcement, three of Nashville's monuments — the John Seigenthaler Pedestrian Bridge, the Tennessee State Capitol and the Alliance Bernstein building downtown — were illuminated in purple, the album's color.

It's Breaking Records Left And Right

Though Swift is no stranger to breaking records, she continues to do so with the Eras Tour. After setting the all-time attendance record at Nissan Stadium on night one of her Nashville run, Swift topped herself (something has become accustomed to on the charts as well) with another attendance record on night two.

And despite the controversial ticketing frenzy the tour caused, Swift also broke a Ticketmaster record with more than 2.4 million tickets sold — the most by an artist in a single day — in the presale alone. If Swift announces an international leg of the tour, Pollstar projects that the Eras Tour could surpass $1 billion, which would add yet another first to her ever-growing list.

It's Spawned Parking Lot Parties

As if history-making attendance and record-breaking ticket sales aren't indication enough of Swift's power, the Eras Tour is so highly in-demand that fans are sitting outside of the venue to still be part of the show. Fans crowded barricades and camped out in the parking lot of Nissan Stadium, ready to watch (and sing along) Swift on the big screen — something that has seemingly been happening in every city.

It Can't Be Stopped By The Elements

Adding to the magnitude of the Eras Tour, Swift performs 45 songs across three and a half hours. And to make her last night in Nashville even more momentous, she did almost all of that in pouring rain.

Swift didn't get to take the stage until after 10 p.m. on May 7 because of storms in the area (she normally goes on around 7:50 local time), but that didn't mean she'd be shortening her set. Carrying on until after 1:30 a.m. — even through the "element of slippiness happening," as she joked — Swift made it clear that she's determined to give each show her all regardless of the weather.

It's Simply A Feel-Good Celebration

Perhaps it was the five-year gap between the last time she toured. Perhaps it was the four new albums of material. Perhaps it was the celebratory nature of the show. Whatever inspired the vibe of the Eras Tour, I've never seen Taylor Swift or her fans so alive. The passion was tangible, the energy was magnetic.

Though Swift has always been known as an artist with a very loyal following, it was still mind-blowing to hear 70,000 people belt out every word for three hours straight. There aren't many artists whose catalogs are as equally beloved as they are extensive, especially one who hasn't even seen her 34th birthday. No matter how many albums and tours are in Swift's future, the Eras Tour captures a special moment in time — and celebrates a legend in her prime.

[missdiorwrites]

singer y/n x harry insta blurb??

a/n: first ask! y/n is releasing a new single…and it’s disco 🪩 hope you enjoy <3

masterlist | post box

liked by taylorswift, sukiwaterhouse and 937,736 others

yourinstagram paging harry’s house…i need help

view all 5,836 comments

colombiarecords ;)

harrystyles at your service ✨

↳ yourinstagram call meeee

y/nloml when’s the album ?!??

↳ yourinstagram soon i promise <33

abbeyroadstudio happy to have you.

↳ yourinstagram 🤍🤍

liked by samcafflin, alanabc and 5,286,837 others

harrystyles casually listening to the next album of the year…

view all 23,387 comments

yourinstagram 🥹🥹 heart is so full

sukiwaterhouse SO EXCITED GF

↳ yourinstagram let’s tour together ?!

colombiarecords july….

↳ yourinstagram shhh don’t spill

jefeazoff their not ready

↳ harrystyles truly.

y/n3rdalbumwhen been manifesting this for the past year

liked by mitchrowland, wolfiecindy and 3,737,473 others

yourinstagram LUNA OUT NOW.

@harrystyles being a killer at karaoke ps he’s singing LUNA ;)

view all 10,736 comments

harrystyles so proud of you

↳ yourinstagram 🥹🥹 ily

harrystyles SONG OF THE YEAR BABYYY

colombiarecords disco is back 🪩🪩

↳ yourinstagram and it’s never leaving

y/nloml OMG WHAT

harryfan37 it’s so gooooood

y/nflowerz will be in the club asap

liked by the_real_iman, pillowpersonpp and 6,837,826 others

yourinstagram cheers to the making of Impossible Woman the album out July 17th. Dedicated to the disco women of the 1970s who came before me. this is for you. 🥂

PRE SAVE IMPOSSIBLE WOMAN NOW ON SPOTIFY AND APPLE MUSIC 🪩

view all 20,736 comments

harrystyles i feel like a proud mother Xx

↳ yourinstagram 🤍🤍

taylorswift so excited !!

sukiwaterhouse been ready for this girly

↳ yourinstagram tell me about it sista

y/nsluna YES OMG

[1horrormoviewhore1]

~HEX GIRLS~

When everyone on the internet thinks you and your band are a coven of witches even Colby's starting to think the rumors are true

It was our last set for our U.S mini tour as the hex girls. Our last leg of shows landed us in our home state of California and Nevada for some of our friends like Colby,Sam, and Kat sam's girlfriend. After this we would go on a 5-6 month hiatus to freak everyone out our adoring fans and it was a pr move to get the sales up for our new album coming out when we got back.

Sam, Colby, and Kat were probably our only true friends. Let's be honest here everyone else in the celebrity and influencer world were a bunch of fakes and then you had that handful of people who were true friends they were actually real towards you no matter what happened, who had your back in the biggest fights so on and so forth.

For us going on this hiatus is risky but the good kind of risky. You have to do what you have to do sometimes in show business even if that means people think your band is a coven of witches I mean it matched the vibe we set out but that doesn't mean we were or do it. I mean when we do witchcraft it isn't even bad just some manifesting among other things like spell jars but that's pretty much it.

People are going around the internet saying we're devil worshippers and satanists and that we eat babies to stay mega young and that's why we have such baby faces. Like no Martha we just do skin care and go to the gym often like the fuck.

Anyway as we get ready to perform a fan favorite song Hex Girl (ironic that it's a fan favorite huh) I see Colby in the crowd with Sam and kat they have white claws in their hands am I surprised no. I give him a little side smirk as the lighting changes and I get ready to sing. I take a little breath in and close my eyes to get ready for the music to play I hear the drums and guitar and I know it's show time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Colbys~pov~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I see Y/n standing there on stage she gives me a little smirk as she closes her eyes and the music starts to play.

"I'm gonna cast a spell on you"

"Oh no it looks like the hex girls have him under their spell Sam " kat giggled as she nudged her boyfriends side with her elbow

"your gonna do what I want you to"

"oh no is right look he's literally drooling over her I've lost my best friend to the witches of the music industry" Sam laughed as he patted me on the back

"mix it up here in my little bowl"

I pull my eyes away from her even if I didn't want to. I looked at Sam and kat

"what did you guys say?" I asked as they looked at me dumbstruck

"say a few words and you lose control"

"oh he really is whipped for her" Sam said as he took a drink of his white claw while tugging kat into his side by her shoulders and she snuggled up into his side

"Im a hex girl and I'm gonna put a spell on you"

"what are you guys talking about I'm not whipped for her" I glared at Sam and kat as they looked at me for a second before laughing at me like I had just said the funniest thing in the world. I scoffed at them and turned back to watch Y/n sing

" Im gonna put a spell on you"

"you guys dont know what you talking about I'm just supporting our friends" I scoffed at them and turned back to watch Y/n sing.

"Im a hex girl and I'm gonna put a spell on you"

Her words echoed in my mind. I don't know if that's how it was supposed to be but it felt like she was staring directly at me as she sang

"You'll feel the fog as I cloud your mind you'll get dizzy when I make the sign"

After she sang those words I felt weightless, like I was floating above the crowd like she put some spell on me I couldn't shake the feeling

"You'll wake up in the dead of night"

After I really let it sink in as I watched her do the sign I could only assume to be the band logo it almost all made sense like she had written this song bout me or what she planned to happen to me

"Missing me when I'm out of sight "

I had liked her ever since I had met her since kat had introduced us at her release party for lala land about ...... Ago she had caught my site as soon as her, her sister daisy, and their band mate dusk

" I'm a hex girl and I'm gonna put a spell on you"

I remember it like it was yesterday kat had introduced us and then we just kinda broke off from the group and stayed in the corner of the room talking and drinking the night away

"I'm gonna put a spell on you"

I felt like I had known her for years after that night like I had just rediscovered an old friend from back home we practically hit it off and we exchanged numbers and now ..... Later as I stood here in the crowd of her show mesmerized by her as she stared at me dead in the eyes

"I'm a hex girl and I'm gonna put a spell on you"

Maybe the rumors online about them being witches were true. I felt weightless like she had me on a string and she had me by her pointer finger and thumb

" With this little cobweb potion"

She kept staring at me , me doing the same not being able to look away it felt like we were connected in some type of special way, maybe she likes me the same way I liked her maybe she wanted to be with me just as bad as I wanted to be with her

" you'll fall into dark devotion"

Her eyes got darker the longer we kept staring at each other just as I felt like something was going to happen she broke eye contact with me and looked off stage at who I could only guess was a stage hand

"if you ever lose affection"

"look who decided to come back down to earth after that insanely tense staring match with his girlfriend" Sam said as he and kat laughed at the teasing at my expense

"I could change your whole direction"

"I was not staring at her" I said with a huff as kat giggled at me

"ya know I could put in a good word for you with her if you really wanted me to" kat said as she put her hand on my shoulder

"Wait you would really do that!?" I said a little too quickly for my liking

"HA I knew he had a crush on her did you see how fast he perked up at that" Sam said as he pointed at me " you owe me 5 bucks my dear Katrina" he said with his hand out

"wait you guys bet on me having a crush on Y/n" I asked

"yep" kat said popping the 'p'

" we sure did brother, so when are you going to grow a pair and ask her out" Sam asked as he pocketed the 5 bucks kat gave him out of her purse

" Im a hex girl and I'm gonna put a spell on you"

"I have no clue to be honest I don't even think she likes me that way" I said as I signed and looked up at the stage catching Y/n's eye once again

"I'm gonna put a spell on you"

She winked and smirked at me as she sang so I could only thank God that the lights were red so Sam and kat couldn't see me blushing at our small interaction

"I'm a hex girl and I'm gonna put a spell on you"

"you should do it after the show at the after party I'm sure we could find some flowers or something at a corner store for her" kat said as she looked at me then to the stage as me and Y/n kept our little staring contest going

"we're gonna put a spell on all of youuu"

As she sang those last words smoke bombs went off in front of her,Daisy, and Dusk as they raised their hands and crossed them over their chests. Then as the smoke cleared everyone cheered as they had seemingly disappeared behind the cover of smoke

As the lights of the venue returned to normal so people wouldn't trip on their way out after the show. All I could think of was what and how I was going to tell Y/n how I have the biggest crush imaginable on her and I've had it since I met her and that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with her.

[puricodraws]

A little something something for my fellow KH fans! For the past 3 years I've been working on this behemoth of a playlist, and I finally feel confident to share it publicly. ✨Kingdom Hearts - Complete✨; A 36 hour playlist of the KH soundtrack, in chronological order. With added tracks taken from official Disney movie soundtracks, Final Fantasy soundtracks and beautifully performed Orchestral Covers. My goal was to expand on the feeling of each world and every iconic moment in the series.

Sadly, some tracks in the playlist are not available on Spotify, this includes the soundtrack for re:com, and the kh4 track "Reality in the Dark". I did my best to keep their inclusion in the playlist to a minimum, so skipping over them should be fine. (although I believe that if you have these tracks on your device, and their titles line up, spotify will be able to play them.)

I will be updating this playlist in the future, either as new KH games or official ost are released on spotify. (Here's me manifesting the Piano Collections, the Drammatica album and the KH orchestra tours will release there one day!)

Anyway, please enjoy! and let me know if you have any thoughts/suggestions!

[butterflyintochains]

The Starset Primer

Hey, all, just a friendly Messenger of four years popping in to tell you about my favourite band.

Starter Songs

Typically, Starset songs can be broken up into categories to get you started.

Lead Singles:

My Demons Monster Manifest The Breach Brave New World

Love Ballads:

Halo Starlight Satellite Solstice Otherworldly.

Heavy Songs:

Down With The Fallen Carnivore Frequency Into The Unknown Gravity of You Bringing It Down Telekinetic Other Worlds Than These Devolution Something Wicked Brave New World

Tele-Songs:

Telescope Telepathic Telekinetic Tunnelvision

Album Outros:

Rise and Fall Everglow Diving Bell Something Wicked.

My Personal Go-To List would be:

My Demons (the first ever Starset song!) Carnivore Halo Monster Ricochet Unbecoming Manifest Where The Skies End Diving Bell Leaving This World Behind Earthrise Infected Brave New World (the newest song!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

✨The Albums✨

Transmissions (2014)

Their first album, technically made when it was just Dustin!

Singles: My Demons, Carnivore, Halo, Let It Die

A really solid debut album in general.

Their most iconic album to date, everyone likes this one.

A bit experimental, a proof of concept.

Vessels (2017)

The second album, and arguably their best.

Singles: Monster, Ricochet, Satellite, Telepathic

The most epic of the four so far, and the fan favourite.

Really long too! Over an hour of amazing songs!

Something for everyone on this album.

Divisions (2019)

Their third album, and last pre-covid.

Singles: Manifest, Where The Skies End, Echo, Diving Bell

A more industrial sound with a lot more traditional rock.

A bit polarising, some love it, some don't.

Really raw lyrics, if you're into that.

Horizons (2021)

Their fourth, and most recent, album.

Singles: The Breach, Infected, Leaving This World Behind, Earthrise, Devolution

Sounds like a movie soundtrack.

Another polarising album, but is a really consistent one.

Goes hard into emotional lyrics, and keeps you on your toes.

S5 (2024?)

The fifth, upcoming album, doesn't have a name or official cover yet.

Single: Brave New World

Sounds like it's gonna be super heavy, so we're all very excited!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Band Members

Starset are currently a seven piece band, apparently this is how it was always meant to be, so the lineup is permanent now, and will be for the foreseeable future! Each of the band members use a number, no one knows what the numbers mean yet, though.

The current lineup is:

Dustin Bates - Lead Vocals, Band Leader/Founder, and main songwriter. Ron DeChant - Bassist, Backing Vocals, Keyboards Brock Richards - Guitarist, Backing Vocals Adam Gilbert - Drummer Siobhan Cronin-Richards - Violinist, Keyboards Zuzana Engererova - Cellist Cory Juba - Keyboards, Synths, Backing Guitars

Dustin Bates - 3301

The leader, founder, and mastermind behind the band.

Main vocalist, and writes literally all of their songs.

Has a really cute French Bulldog called Ernie, who is kinda the band's mascot.

Has a Masters in Electrical Engineering, and almost had a PHD in Avionics, but gave up on it to focus on music. Scary smart, has written both of the band's lore books himself, and engineers their stage setup.

Has the most relaxing speaking voice ever, and 90% of fans are at least a little bit in love with him.

The only one who really does interviews.

He's just a really cool guy, and really seems to love his fans.

Ron DeChant - 5501

The bassist, and easily the second-in-command to Dustin, they were bandmates in Dustin's last band.

Lowkey manages the band, he books tours for them and helps handle logistics.

Was in the military before he became a musician.

Was the first person Dustin went to when he formed the band, so they're kind of the original two members.

Had to get the entire band and crew back to the USA from Russia as Covid hit.

Had to sit the European Horizons tour out due to shoulder surgery, but is back now!

Currently owns the whiteboard the band's lore was written on!

Brock Richards - 5502

One quarter of the core four of the band, plays guitar and is a backup singer to Dustin sometimes.

One half of the Starset Power Couple - he and Siobhan are married.

Seems like a really chilled out guy, but has apparently throttled someone to protect Siobhan once during the Vessels era.

A big gamer!

Has a really good knowledge of production, and a sick af guitar collection.

He, Dustin, and Ron are always front of the stage, Brock usually is at Dustin's left.

Has worked on music with Siobhan's other band - Lost Symphony.

Adam Gilbert - 5503

The final of the core four of the band who were there for the first album and tour.

Runs a drumming course called Drumabuse.

Also is an art major, who sells his works on the side.

Often stays longest talking to fans at VIP shows.

Dyes his hair a different colour for each album cycle apparently.

Has probably the biggest social media presence of the band, the rest being chronically offline.

Has gotten into controversy for his political views in the past, but let's hope he's more open-minded now.

Siobhan Cronin-Richards - 7701

The violin queen herself, Siobhan has been with the band as a permanent member since 2017, first performing with them during the Vessels era.

One of two members of the band with formal training in their instrument, Zuzana being the other one.

The other half of the Starset Power Couple with Brock.

From Michigan, but based out of Ohio and Florida.

Besties with Zuzana.

Has another band called Lost Symphony, kind of a classical/metal hybrid genre.

Hosts a podcast with the other members of Lost Symphony, which has become the Unofficial Starset Podcast.

Zuzana Engererova - 7702

The cello queen of the band, joined as a permanent member in the 2019 Divisions era, replacing Mariko Muranaka, and has been with the band ever since.

Is the only European member of the band, being Slovakian.

Has often talked about how difficult it is for her to play cello standing up, saying her back and shoulder hurt after tours are done.

Besties with Siobhan.

Based in Vegas, and plays cello at events there in the offseason.

Is also a frequent collab with Lost Symphony, I think she's a fourth member now, but I'm not sure.

Second most frequent band member on Siobhan's podcast, Brock being most frequent.

Cory Juba - 7703

The newest member of the band, completing the vision Dustin had back in 2013, joining for the 2022 Horizons tour.

Another could-have-been doctor in the band. Cory was apparently studying a medical degree before getting into music.

Has known Dustin for a really long time, and has helped with various projects of his.

Got the call to join the band while hiking in British Columbia.

Seems like a really nice guy overall, and goes crazy on stage.

Accidentally spilled water on the show laptop once, causing a lot of panic.

Helped out with synths and keys on the Starset rendition of Waiting on The Sky To Change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Lore

While most bands might have a concept album, Starset are a concept band, the entire band are built around a central story. You don't need to know the lore to be a fan of the band, but it helps.

Dustin has put out two books dealing with the lore. The Prox Transmissions in 2014, and A Brief History of The Future in 2024.

From what I understand, here's how it goes:

While working on his electricity experiments, Nikola Tesla accidentally receives a message from the 2040s from a far off planet called Prox. He ignores it. A few decades later, Stephen Browning receives the same signal, and enlists Aston Wise to help him interpret it.

The signal warns of an oncoming takeover by someone called The Architect, who is in charge of something either called The Architecture or The Everything Machine. The runaway technology creating something called The Brain-Machine Interface (BMI, kinda like Neuralink). Necessitating leaving Earth for another planet.

Browning founds the Order of Teslonia, aiming to keep the signal secret and work behind the scenes to ensure this future doesn't happen. Wise, however, seeks to make the information public. Forming the rival Starset Society, which leads to the band itself forming.

It's later revealed that along the way, Wise becomes The Architect, and leads said takeover, losing all control of the Starset Society in the process. Forming the New East, New West, and making the BMI mandatory for citizens. A rebellion forms to counter this takeover, while Browning's group are working to get everyone off world to Prox.

We don't quite know the ins and outs of everything yet, but this is the lore as far as I understand it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some Other Things To Know

Starset don't have concerts, they have Demonstrations.

Starset fans are called Messengers.

The band's three unofficial mottoes are: 'Spread The Message', 'Ignorance is Slavery, Knowledge is Freedom', and 'Fuck The New East'

The band have been fairly family friendly with lyrical content, until Brave New World came out, and Dustin said 'fucking' three times.

There's a song for everyone, you will find something you like.

We're a super welcoming community!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, yeah, that's about it!

Over and out!

I:S::K:F!

[circle--of--confusion]

This Love is in Retrograde - Part 2

Chapter summary: Taking place after the ending of "The cardinal and the seamstress." Amelia is over Terzo's blatant flirting with siblings in front of her and confronts him about it. He asks to try again at being together and the question is, can Amelia allow herself the chance on herself again? Amelia ends up getting advice from a ghoul to help her see the light. Amelia is so stubborn, wow! lol

Author's note: Love confessions! More closet antics! Alex and Sarah from my other fic are here! cute Copia/Sarah moments! Ghouls! I attempted to write smut, It's my first time [hehe] so go easy on me. My song inspiration for this chapter was another Starset song "Earthrise" along with "Manifest" like part 1.

Paring: Terzo | Papa Emeritus III x OC Amelia

Chapter 2: AFTER

Words: 10.1k

Read on AO3

| Part 1 | Part 2 |

Tags: Explicit/MDNI; Angst; closet confessions; Terzo is a menace; love confessions; emotional sex; fluff; smut [vaginal fingering, hand jobs, vaginal sex]; google translated itallian

banner creds to @gothdaddyissues

It’s been another night of mental betrayal. Her brain keeps conjuring up memories of Terzo. The good, the bad, and the sexy. She’s walks like a zombie down the hallways, a giant thermos of black coffee in her hand as “breakfast”. Does Amelia like black coffee? No, she hates it. Copia’s suits are finished and now it’s time to measure the new ghouls he’s summoned. By the time she’s made it to the sewing studio, Sarah and Alex have already arrived. Copia must’ve walked with Sarah because he’s there and hasn’t left her yet.

She nods in their direction as she passes them after entering through the door but her greeting is ignored. They’re a picturesque portrayal of two sickeningly sweet lovebirds off in their own little world. Copia and Sarah barely have any space between them as they hold each other and whisper sweet-nothings.

Amelia thinks her eyes might fall out at the intense eye-roll she makes. She begins to ready her sewing area for the day once she’s at her desk.

Sarah giggles. “Copia, my love, I need to get to work.” Her hand travels up to the side of his face and her thumb stokes lovingly on his cheek.

“Sarah, dolcezza mia, amore mio. I will be desperately counting the minutes until I can be in your glorious, bewitching presence again.” He leans down for one final kiss but when Copia pulls back, Sarah pulls him back forward for another one.

Alex walks over to Amelia as she observes them from across the room. “Wow! They’re really uh, locked in.”

She nods. “Yep. Young love.” Amelia waves her hand in the air and then waves her finger. “But If I hear one more lovesick pet name, I’m stabbing someone with my knitting needles.” She aggressively points over to the couple.

Alex sighs. He notices the thermos. “This is going to be a long day.”

She looks over to Sarah and Copia. “I’m goin’ in.” Amelia walks up to them and she claps her hands. The two separate, startled. “Dracule. Please allow my assistant to assist me. Don’t you have work to do?”

Copia looks annoyed and rolls his eyes. “Yes, I have a meeting with il piccolo stronzo.”

Amelia’s eyebrows knit together. “What does Terzo need to talk to you about?”

“Music stuff. He wants to give me tour advice, I think.” Sarah frowns. He tisks and grabs Sarah’s hands. “Oh, that won’t be for a while, amore.”

Sarah nods her head. “I know, I know. Though I feel like I just got you. I don’t want to see you go off for months at a time and leave me all alone.”

Amelia feels like she’s having an out of body experience. “Yeah, starting a relationship at the beginning of an album cycle isn’t a wise decision.” she responds flatly.

Alex snorts obscenely loud. Amelia whips her head around and Alex sobers up. “Uh.” he coughs. “Yeah. Poor timing.”

“Okie-dokie. Well, I hope you have a wonderful day, dolcezza mia.” Copia kisses Sarah’s hairline. “And I hope my ghouls behave enough. My new multi-ghoul can be a bit feral.” He laughs nervously.

“Don’t worry, Vladdy, I’ll keep him in line if anything happens.” Amelia assures him.

Sarah bats her hand in the air. “We have your suits ready to go. I think I’ve managed to get out of The Gauntlet unscathed.”

Amelia chuckles lowly. “Sarah, if you think his suits were the entirety of The Gauntlet, you have a bigger storm coming.” Amelia laughs and Sarah yelps.

Shortly after Copia leaves the studio do the ghouls arrive. Six new ghouls and one returning. Dewdrop. But now with a different element. Wonder what the story is there. He stares at Amelia; his eyes are the only thing she can see behind the chrome that covers the rest of his face. His head tilts. He could probably say the same for me.

“OK!” she grabs the tape measure. “In order to make this morning go by as smoothly as possible, I will measure you each, one at a time. My assistant Sarah,” she points in her direction “Will be taking my notes.”

One of the ghouls pipes up, Swiss, she thinks? “What does he do?” His thumb points over to Alex.

“I’m the eye candy.” he smiles waves his fingers. Amelia grumbles at him and Alex rolls his eyes. “I’m the every-man. I repair, mend, sew, find shit we might need. I can do it all! I have some mending requests for the siblings that I’m working on today.”

The ghouls nod their head. A couple of them give a thumbs up. “Hey! You’re like me. The multi-ghoul.” Swiss smiles.

“Dew, I will assume nothing’s been altered? I doubt changing elements modified your body that drastically.” She walks over to the next ghoul. Amelia has to nod her head further back. Mountain. She calls to Sarah.“Sarah, get me the longer tape measure, please?”

The ghoul shrugs his shoulders.

“What’s the plan with the costumes? Are they the same as the previous era?” Rain asks while she measures them. “We were able to talk with the other Papa’s ghouls.”

Amelia shakes her head. “No, these will look different. I plan to have them look similar to Copia’s suits but with a few changes.”

“Could Copia ever help give input on the costumes?” Sarah asks.

“No.” Amelia tersely replies. The room falls silent. She tries to defend the reaction. “It would turn into a thing. Also, it’s one less item for him to worry about! It’s a win! And if he really, actually hated it, I would make changes.”

One by one, each ghoul is measured and documented. Once Amelia was done with a ghoul, they either stood on the side or went to chat with Alex; she saw a few phone numbers being swapped. The morning gets away from them and the afternoon is filled with the sounds of paper rustling and being cut to form the pattern pieces that will become their costumes.

Every now and then a sister or brother will visit to pick up the article of clothing that was dropped off to be fixed by Alex. On their way out, a couple siblings looked over to Amelia as she watched them come and go. They gave a knowing smile to her and instantly her memories of the past shove their way back to the front of her mind. The last sister to give her that look is long gone by now but Amelia’s brain has left the station for the day. 4:14pm. Stick a fork in me, I’m done!

“I don’t think I can do any more tracing and cutting. How about we all call it a day?” she stands up from her table and stretches. “Sarah.” she yawns. “Alex and I have a clergy meeting tomorrow. You’ll be on your own for the first couple hours.”

She nods. “Okay! That’s no problem. I’m almost done with these pieces and then I can start on cutting mockups.”

Amelia claps her hands together and then sits down. “Great! You two can go, I’ll lock up. I have a couple things to clean.”

Alex and Sarah file out to get dinner, Amelia stays for a moment in her chair. The room is totally silent, save for the hum of the fan in the corner. Even now, nearly two years after Amelia left Terzo do the siblings feel the need to remind her of it. The noise in her head is deafening and she leans over the table with her head in her hands. After all the time that’s passed, she’s reached past the point of tears. She’s now angry. He’s being more obvious about it. Why?

“Fuck this!” she stands, grabs her now empty thermos, and heads out to grab dinner before it’s too late.

There are two people talking down the hall, around the corner. Who could still be here at this time? She rounds the corner to find-

“Oh, Papa!” a sister giggles. They lean against the wall, her back to Amelia’s direction. Terzo on the opposite end faces towards her. He leans towards the sibling. His suit that she made looks immaculate on him, of course. A few strands hang loosely in front of his face and his skull paint doesn’t even look smudged at this point of the day. He’s as perfect as ever and it torments Amelia every time. It’s too late she thinks. Terzo doesn’t seem like he would want to talk to me now about how we left things. How I left things.

He could do with less blatant flirting in her vicinity, though. Amelia rolls her eyes dramatically. Oh papa! She mimes and theatrically moves her hands to her chest, rolling her eyes while she passes by the two.

Terzo’s eyes flick up to see her walking by before he looks back to the sister. His mouth turns up into a smirk. “And what time will your Papa need to come by tonight?”

Amelia schools her face to not react until she’s passed. Her hands ball into fists and she grits her jaw once they can’t see her anymore. il piccolo stronzo indeed.

◊◊◊◊◊

The next morning her and Alex pile into the meeting room with a few others; Papa Nihil, Sister Imperator, and Cardinal Copia included.

“Where is he?” Sister Imperator asks. “The meeting should’ve started thirty minutes ago!”

As if on cue, Terzo enters the room with a dramatic flourish. “Mi dispiace.” his face paint looks like it was applied in a rush. “My alarm didn’t go off on time.” He walks to his seat and sits down.

Sister Imperator stands. “Well, now that everyone is here, let’s begin.”

Sister drones on for most of the meeting about various clergy topics. She asks Copia about his songs and progress with the new ghouls. Amelia is asked on her costume plans. Sister then asks Terzo what he plans to do about the upcoming Black Mass and he takes a moment to respond. Because he’s asleep.

“Papa!” she slaps the table and his head falls forward before jerking up.

“Hu- what?” he blinks rapidly.

“The. Black. Mass. What are your plans?”

Amelia snorts to herself, badly concealing it. “Long night?” she condescends.

Terzo squints at her. “Thank you for the concern, Amelia.”

“Amelia…” Sister Imperator cuts in.

“It’s just,” Amelia continues “,so irresponsible! The rest of us were here on time. You showed up late. And now you fall asleep at the table?”

“Amelia!” she flinches. “You are dismissed.”

Her eyes go wide. “But Sister!” she defends. “I was trying to…”

“You failed. Now leave us.” Sister ordered. “You too, Alex. I have no need for the both of you two anymore.”

Amelia gets up with her tail between her legs. She walks out, Alex following closely behind her. “I’m so sorry.” he starts. “Amelia is just… on her period.” He cringes immediately, closing his eyes after he gets the door to the room closed behind him.

“Alex, what the fuck?” Amelia whisper-yells.

They walk down the hall to the sewing studio. “I should be asking the same.” he retorts. “You’ve never done that, ever.”

She sighs. “The siblings keep mocking me.” Alex raises an eyebrow. “They won, remember? In the fight between them and I for Terzo’s attention.”

“That doesn’t explain what just happened.” he shakes his head. “That was also two years ago and technically you surrendered.”

“No need to remind me.” she grumbles. Amelia takes a deep breath. “I was walking home last night after locking up and, well, I saw him and a sister talking.” Alex nods. “She was cute and giggly and I may have… mocked her as I was walking by.” She lowers her voice at the last bit.

“Amelia. How old are you again?” He scolds.

“I won’t justify that question with an answer.”

He sighs. “Well, you’re at least old enough to know better.”

“He was way worse! He said ‘when does Papa need to be there tonight?’ to her when he realized I was watching.” She huffs. “Prick.”

Alex groans. “I will admit, that is pretty prickish.”

Once they make it back to the studio, Sarah ambushes them at the door. Her phone is in her hands showing a recent text message, no doubt from Copia giving her the meeting info. “What happened?”

“More than I can possibly explain.” Amelia sighs.

◊◊◊◊◊

About half of the mockups are ready to be fit on the ghouls now. Alex, Sarah, and Amelia have all been wired in, focused on getting the mockups done in time. Throughout the two weeks of sewing, Amelia would mumble “Why did Copia have to summon so many ghouls?” while shaking her head and grumbling at the machine. For a handful of nights, the three of them would stay late into the evening to stay on track. Copia makes sure to pick Sarah up on their late nights. He dotes on his amore and asks if she needs anything and Amelia grumbles that it’s his fault they have to stay so late.

Mountain, Swiss, and Dew arrive one day to get fitted and it’s going well enough. Mountain’s pants need to be taken in slightly and she’s pinning in a couple areas when Sarah chuckles.

“What?” Amelia asks while she focuses on placing a pin.

“Oh, I remembered when you were fitting Copia’s suit and Papa Terzo walked in, complaining that you wouldn’t make his pants tighter.” she spoke. “And now it feels like you’re doing this to everyone else on purpose.”

There’s a knock on the studio door and in walks Terzo. “Hello?”

“Speak of the Devil.” She rolls her eyes.

He laughs dryly. “You flatter me, Amelia.”

“Oh my God.” She scoffs.

Terzo balks. “Lets not bring him into this.”

“Were you just waiting for your cue?” he holds up his hands in surrender. “Why are you here? We are a bit busy.”

“I need to talk to Alex about my shirt.” He defends.

Amelia is impatient. “Make it quick.”

The ghouls along with Alex and Sarah can sense the energy shift and the room is ominously silent for the rest of the session with the ghouls. Terzo speaks softly to Alex about getting a button on his cuff more secure and it’s fixed in a few minutes. Once he leaves, Amelia sighs with finality. Swiss, for the rest of the session has a curious look in his eyes. He whispers with Dew about something and Amelia can’t be bothered to eavesdrop.

Another afternoon goes buy for the sewists once the ghouls leave and at the end of the day, Alex and Sarah depart together for food while Amelia decides to finish a couple more seams and pattern adjustments. She finds a stopping point and locks up the studio to head home. Amelia turns down the hall and is met with the frustratingly handsome view of Terzo’s back; he’s leaning against the wall on his shoulder while he schmoozes to yet another sibling. A newly initiated brother of the clergy is hanging on Terzo’s every word. This is the last straw. The brother is caught off guard when his eyes land on Amelia’s vengeful expression while she grabs Terzo by the arm and walks, more like drags, him down the hall.

“Che diavolo stai facendo?”

Amelia pulls up to the all too familiar hall closet of the past and opens the door, gesturing to it. “Inside. Now.” She demands.

He looks at her with an unreadable expression, his paint not helping at all to give any hints, and walks in to the cramped space. Amelia follows in after him. She closes the door and turns on the light.

“What is your fucking problem?” She seethes.

Terzo is confused. He blinks and shakes his head. “My problem?” he spits out a chuckle and crosses his arms. “You are unbelievable.”

“Must you do that in my presence?” she gestures with her hand to the door.

“Are you shocked, jealous even that I’m using my free time on siblings and not on you?” he teases and tilts his head. “Did you think I was going to take up a vow of chastity when you left?” Terzo goads her.

“You never used to flaunt it in front of me until now.” her voice falters at the end. “It feels like you’re doing it on purpose.”

Terzo drops his arms and steps closer to Amelia. He points at her. “You left me, remember? I’ve been waiting and I may have begun to get a bit impatient in the recent weeks.”

It’s her turn to be confused now. “Waiting? Waiting for what?”

“For you to change your mind! For you to realize the incredibly foolish error you made when you left me that night!” He huffs.

Amelia puts her hands on her hips. “Because I’m a fucking idiot? I had my reasons, Papa.”

Terzo slaps his hands onto the shelves behind her, caging her in between his arms. Amelia flinches, her eyes flick to his and they’re on fire. She could swear his white eye was glowing. “No.” he growls. I only ever wish to be Terzo to you, even if you’re mad at me. Please grant me at least this one request.” He asks, softly.

She nods her head rapidly and Terzo steps back to give her some space. “I had reasons for leaving that night and if I’d waited any longer, I would’ve been delaying the inevitable.” she replies softly. “Seeing how the siblings act smug around me, how I watch you indulge and flirt with the others… it confirms my fears. My reasons.”

“I understand your reasons, Amelia. I just also think at the time that they were silly.” she lets out a sarcastic laugh. His hands move to hold her face and he looks determinedly into her eyes. “When we were together, you were all I ever thought about. Because I love-“

“Please don’t finish that.” She interrupts. She’s getting choked up and he removes his hands from her face. “I’m not sure I can believe that it’s genuine when I hear them swoon about their mind-blowing nights with you.”

He knits his eyebrows together. “Tales of my sexual history the past couple years have been greatly exaggerated, Amelia.” He sounds annoyed.

“You haven’t done anything with them?” She asks.

“Well, no.” Amelia frowns. “But when I do, I keep it at arms’ length.I keep the paint on if I spend an evening with anyone. They get a night with Papa, no one else.” He says plainly.

“You’ve never…?”

He slowly raises his hand to cup her cheek. “I can’t bring myself to see anyone, to have anyone in the same way that we were. I would be wracked with guilt. To make love withsomeone, to lay myself bare in that way would feel like crossing a line.” Terzo once again holds Amelia’s face in his hands.

She can feel her eyes well with tears and his thumbs are ready to wipe any that fall. Amelia’s hands rise to hold his wrists in place and she closes her eyes. It’s not exactly what she’s wanted to hear, but it’s comforting in its own way. They stand like that for a moment, still and quiet. The sounds of their breaths fill the tiny closet as the seconds pass. They’ve released two years of pent-up frustration and now the adrenaline is gone.

“I’d like for us to begin anew.” he whispers. “The Cardinal is leading the band now and it’s only a matter of time before he is the next Papa of the Ministry. I will pass on the Papacy to him and then retire completely and I wish to spend the rest of my time with you by my side.” His thumb rubs softly on Amelia’s cheek.

“Terzo…” She finally says his name. Her voice cracks as she gets it out and her eyes open. He’s looking down at her with immense adoration and hope.

Terzo smiles wide. “Amelia.” he scans her face to figure out what she might say. His eyes linger on her down on her lips and on reflex, he leans forward.

The closet door opens to reveal a very confused and surprised ghoul. He’s one of Copia’s.

“Oh this isn’t the bathroom!” Swiss exclaims.

Terzo quickly removes himself from Amelia and steps back. One of his arms moves to sit behind his back and the other touches the back of his neck, his fingers brushing through the strands awkwardly.

“It’s uh. Down the hall after turning the corner. There should be a sign.” Amelia coughs out.

“Great. Thanks!” Swiss smiles wide enough his teeth show. He pats the doorknob. “You should probably lock it next time.” He laughs and closes the door to leave them alone.  

Terzo and Amelia stare at each other in bewilderment. Their faces crack into smiles and laughter fills the small room.

“Copia’s ghoul has excellent timing.” He remarks.

“Yep.” She emphasizes the P sound.

Terzo moves to stand closer in front of Amelia and he grabs her hands to hold in his. “What I said earlier, you don’t have to answer it right now. Only when you’re ready, please let me know.”

Amelia nods. “I will. I promise.”

“Good.” He nods back and brings her hands up to his mouth to kiss her knuckles.

◊◊◊◊◊

Amelia was so drained after the confrontation with Terzo that after taking something to-go from the dining hall, she fell asleep easily and slept like the dead. The pressure in the past two years was released and her chest doesn’t feel so tight. Her shoulders feel a bit lighter the following morning and the alarm sounding off doesn’t feel as dreadful. On her way to the studio after getting breakfast, she’s decided on coffee with cream and sugar. She decided to treat herself and chose a hazelnut flavoring. Terzo’s almost confession of love replays and his proposal to start again sits in her mind.

“Good morning, everyone!” she calls to the studio. Her voice is cheery; Sarah and Alex glance to each other and squint their eyes towards Amelia. She sits at her desk and begins writing her to-do list, listing the items she needs to complete for the day. Her phone chimes.

--------

[Do Not Pick Up] 8:00 am

Did you know there is a missing Stanley Cup game winning puck? In 2010, the NHL team that won the trophy in a thrilling game 6 was not able to find the puck that secured the victory. Even the FBI got involved but it still hasn’t been found.

[Do Not Pick Up] 8:02 am

I don’t want it to be radio silence between us anymore, not after yesterday. So here, have a mystery of the day.

--------

I should probably change Terzo’s contact in my phone now Amelia thinks.

--------

Amelia 8:03 am

How do I unsubscribe from these? ;)

--------

Terzo 8:04 am

I’m afraid that’s not an option, tesoro.

--------

She laughs and it makes her feel giddy.

“You seem… chipper this morning.” Alex calls to Amelia. “What are you smiling at?”

“I have uh, downloaded an app that gives a mystery of the day!” She lies, hoping her blush is concealed enough.

“Uh huh.” Alex nods. “Because I thought, well, I read something interesting from Swiss yesterday when he texted me and-“

“Since when are you on texting terms with the ghouls?” Amelia interrogates.

He sits up straighter in his seat. “I only text with Swiss from time to time!”

“Well you can tell your ghoulfriend that-“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! He’s not my ghoulfriend. He is a ghoul… that I know.” Alex defends.

“What did he say?” Sarah interjects.

“He said that on his way to look for the bathroom - some of the halls are still a bit confusing for him - he opened a door to find Terzo and Amelia in a closet in a very intimate position.” Alex reveals.

She gasps and covers her mouth with her hands. “No!”

“We didn’t do anything! We were just talking and well…” Amelia doesn’t know how to end the sentence. We did almost kiss.

Sarah looks over to her. “Oh, and FYI, it’s not a good idea to fuck in that closet. The shelves aren’t great back support.” Sarah scrunches up her nose.

“We weren’t fu- wait, what?” Amelia looks taken aback. She and Alex stare at Sarah.

Sarah blushes and looks up at the ceiling. “Remember a few weeks ago when I was complaining about my lower back hurting and I said it was because of my period?”

Amelia and Alex let out an affirmative “Ooooh” sound. An awkward silence falls over the room, then, and the three them wordlessly return back to their work.

◊◊◊◊◊

--------

Terzo 8:45 am

In 2015 there was a high profile cheese slicer theft. The world’s most valuable slicer was stolen from the Amsterdam Cheese Museum. Worth $28,000, covered in diamonds, it was snatched from the basement archives. A reward of a fancy cheese basket and fondue set was presented to anyone who could come forward with substantial tips.

--------

Terzo 8:36 am

In mid-winter, 1931, a Swedish ship the “SS Baychimo” became trapped at sea from the ice along the Alaskan coast. The crew abandoned ship to find shelter nearby and when they went to return to the ship, it was gone. 38 years later the vessel was spotted 50 miles from where it was originally abandoned and by the time a crew could be gathered to bring it to shore, it disappeared again. To this day, no recovery has ever been made of the ghost ship.

--------

Terzo 8:27 am

For nearly 300 years, the Pine Barrens of New Jersey have been called the home of the New Jersey Devil. It’s described as a long-necked, two-legged creature with hooves and wings. Its alleged origins begin in 1735 when a local woman was pregnant with her 13th child and right before it was born, she proclaimed “Let this one be the Devil!” and once it was born it sprouted wings, hooves, and a tail. To this day no one has been able to provide concrete proof of its existence.

--------

Terzo 8:53 am

Shakespeare’s works will always remain a mystery, specifically in the lost play “Love’s Labor’s Won”, the long-held belief that it is the sequel to “Love’s Labor’s Lost.” It was first referenced by writer Sir Frances Meres as he wrote about the playwright’s works. Some believe it was an alternative title to “Love’s Labor’s Lost” but other believe it was a play in its own right. No evidence of the show has ever been found other than second-hand references.

--------

Amelia 8:56 am

Where are getting these? I’ve been wondering about it for the past week.

--------

Terzo 8:57 am

Primo’s idea. I was gifted a desk calendar of daily mysteries a year ago but never used it. I’ve been skipping around since there’s no point following the order.

-------

Amelia 9:00 am

Yeah that sounds like him.

--------

◊◊◊◊◊

One evening after dinner, Amelia walks to the library to check out their hobbies section. She heard from a sister who works there that they recently acquired knitting reference books. Library hours have been recently extended and many siblings have taken advantage to study ancient texts or chat quietly. Tonight, the space is buzzing with activity; siblings look through the shelves or lounge on the comfy couches. The new knitting book selections were fruitful and she found one on circle yoke sweaters that piqued her interest along with a book of Japanese knitting patterns. She passes by the sitting area on the way out and has to do a double-take.

She finds Terzo sitting in a plush chair with a book in his hands. He has one leg crossed over his other knee and he’s changed out of his regular suit but still he wears dark purple dress pants and a black button up. The top two buttons are undone and he is wearing his reading glasses. She’s never seen him in the Papal paint with the glasses on and it’s all a sight for her eyes. It’s almost too much for her. His eyes however haven’t noticed Amelia yet. He’s been preoccupied with a brother of sin who can’t tell that Terzo really just wants to get on with his book.

She can’t conceal her giggle in time and Terzo looks up, following the familiar sound. He locks eyes with her across the room and winks her. She blushes and hides the book in front of her face then brings it back down a few seconds later. He hasn’t looked away and Amelia can sense something deep in her heart once again. The long-lost sensation of fluttering butterflies up to her chest. She smiles to Terzo and walks off to check out her books. She can somehow feel his eyes on her and she’s testing all of her will power to not look back.

◊◊◊◊◊

Today the three sewists have finally met their threshold. Even Amelia cannot keep up with The Gauntlet and on a sunny Thursday Sarah, Alex, and Amelia take the day to rest and recharge.

She decides to walk in the courtyard for a bit to think. Their non-stop sewing marathon for the ghouls has prevented her from fully giving Terzo’s proposition a proper consideration and she wonders if fresh air will help to clear her mind. She talks to herself, gesturing wildly down a path and some siblings walk by her will funny looks. Yeah, that’s probably fair she thinks. Amelia finds a quieter, less populated section and sits down so she can think out loud in private.

“He doesn’t seem like he’s fully moved on.” she says to herself. “But would he really take another chance on me?”

“Would you?” a voice cuts in from further down the pathway.

“Dew? Am I interrupting something? Should I move?” Amelia calls out. He walks closer and sits down next to her on the bench.

“Not at all. Did I interrupt something?” Dew responds with a playful lilt in his voice. She can’t see his face due to the chrome mask but she can tell he’s smirking. 

“I’m just thinking out loud about something.” She sighs.

“I could tell.” he nods. “Well, don’t let me get in the way.” Dew leans back on the bench, threading his fingers together and leaning his head back in his hands. “So, Would you?”

“Would I what?” she asks.

“Would you take another chance on yourself?” He nods his head towards her.

She’s silent for a moment. “I’d like to say ‘yes’ but I’m not sure.”

“I don’t know what you two were for each other, but when you left, Terzo was a wreck for a long time.”

Amelia turns to look fully at Dew while he continues to look forward. “I didn’t know that.” she looks down at her hands in her lap. “He always seemed so put-together.”

Dew sighs through his nose. “Only for the clergy, never around us. Going on tour was one of the few ways he could feel normal even if he was playing a version of himself at times. When Terzo didn’t have any obligations, he became a recluse.”

Amelia breathes a deep sigh. “I’m an asshole.” She drops her head into her hands.

“No, you’re not.” Dew sits up straight and moves his head to face Amelia. His left hand pats her knee. “Humans are terrible with emotions. What is it you all like to use as an excuse? Fight or Flight?”

“I flew, I know, I know! But when he came home that night I… The paint on his mouth was smudged and he had kiss marks on his clothes!” she waves one of her hands in the air.

“He kept pushing the sister away but she was very persistent with Papa. One of us had to escort her out once she got to his neck.” he tilts his head to the side. “And if I remember correctly, his face paint was smudged from kissing foreheads all night. He kept professing that the only lips that would touch his from now on were yours.”

The entire night comes crashing down in Amelia’s mind. Her eyes feel misty and she sniffles. A tear sits dangerously close to falling down her cheek. “I didn’t know.” Amelia wipes at her eyes. “He said the kiss marks meant nothing to him and I didn’t even let him explain his mouth.”

“So, you accused him of infidelity and then didn’t let him defend himself?” he said incredulously. “You ghosted a man who looks at you like you hang the stars in the sky.”

“I couldn’t allow myself to believe that he could completely… love… me.” She almost cringes.

Dew chuckles and she swats at him. “Do you really think you are so awful? Terzo is flirty, sure, but he likes making people happy as Papa. Your happiness meant the world to him above all else.”

“I just didn’t see what was so special about me.” she looks down and picks at her fingernails. “I knew he cared about me like I cared about him but there was always a nagging thought in the back of my mind that he would meet someone so in awe of him and he’d forget about me.”

Dew chuckles. “Yeah, you’re not an asshole. You’re an idiot.” Amelia shoves him. “Hey!”

“I’m happy to hear that my inner turmoil is hilarious to you.” She deadpans.

He stands up and placed his hands behind his back. He tilts his head down to look at her and Amelia tilts her head to look up at him. “You need to tell him these things. I can’t tell you why he loved you so much but I know he did and it broke his heart every day when you were gone.”Amelia nods with determination and Dew turns to leave.

--------

Amelia: 5:45 pm

I’m ready to give you my answer.

--------

◊◊◊◊◊

The following evening Amelia takes careful, tentative steps to Terzo’s apartment. He’d asked for her to come have dinner with him while they talk. With shaky hands she takes a deep breath and then knocks on his door. After a few seconds, it opens to reveal him and he’s wearing a pair of black pants and a comfy dark green sweater; Terzo’s face is bare, free from any paint he’d worn that day. Her mind flashes back to the last time she’d seen his face that way. It was earlier in the night before it all went to hell two years ago.

“Ciao, Amelia.” He nearly whispers his hello. It feels like if he speaks any louder, she might run off.

“Hello.” She smiles. Terzo steps back to let her in and closes the door once she’s inside.

“Thank you for coming.” he glances at her outfit. He chose simple black jeans and a red button up blouse with bishop sleeves. She blushed slightly under his watchful eye. “You look beautiful as always.”

“Thank you.” She whispers. “You…too.”

Terzo gestures to the table he has set up. He guides Amelia to take a seat while he walks over to plate their meal for the night. “Fettuccine al Pomodoro. The tomatoes are fresh from Primo’s garden.” He smirks. “I got permission this time.”

Amelia laughs and he smiles wide at her reaction. “I’m sure he was happy you’d asked.”

He brings over their plates and then sits down across from her while they begin to eat their meal. The pair eat in silence, only occasional hums of approval or fork scratching sounds float into the room. He eats a few bites off of his plate but mostly watches Amelia as she savors hers. When they’re finished, he takes their plates and silverware to the sink and clears the table. Amelia gingerly rests her palms on the table, Terzo puts his elbow on the table to and rests his head in his hand. He looks at her expectantly.

Is he waiting for me to start? she thinks. “So, I came here tonight to give you my answer, Terzo.”

He nods his head softly. “And… what do you say?” He watches Amelia, almost pleading.

She lets out a deep breath. “I say yes.” He sits up straight in his chair. “Yes, I want to be with you. To try this again.”

“A-Amelia I am delighted to hear it.” Terzo scoots his chair to sit closer to Amelia. His knees bump into hers in his enthusiasm to be nearer to her.

“We need to talk first, though. I have some things I need to say.” She looks down at her lap.

He takes her hands into hers. “Whatever you have to say, please say it.”

“First, I want to say I’m sorry. I’ll say it as many times as I need to-” Terzo lightly squeezes her hands and it cuts off her train of thought.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything.”

“But I do. I acted out of fear. I didn’t let you defend yourself. I thought a sibling was finally able to woo you enough to convince you of my irrelevancy. I didn’t let you explain and I jumped to conclusions and left.” her voice shakes. She feels her eyes becoming misty. “I t-thought you’d finally found someone who was s-so amazed by who you were and that they’d become more interesting than me-” Amelia sniffles and a tear falls down her cheek. Terzo brings her in to his chest while his arms wrap around her back in a snug embrace.

“Amelia I wouldn’t, couldn’t ever think someone was more important than you.” His right hand moves up to stroke through her hair a few times. Amelia’s hands tentatively wrap around his waist and pulls him closer.

She sniffles again. “I couldn���t understand at the time, I still don’t really understand now, why you think I’m so special.”

He moves back to look at Amelia. “Can I tell you?” His thumbs softly wipe at the tears around her eyes. She nods. “Of everyone I’ve ever known in this ministry, you were like my one constant. My family, the Emeritus legacy, makes people treat me differently. Siblings think of me as this tantalizing higher power and the other Bishops and Cardinals try to suck up to me so when I became Papa, I don’t randomly fire them or relocate them.” he smiles. “Throughout the couple decades I’ve known you, every time I spoke with you, I was always some stronzo named ‘Terzo’ and I admired your consistency even when I technically should’ve corrected you at times. I can’t help but be attracted to how you didn’t give a shit about my title.”

“I don’t like putting people on pedestals.” Amelia squeak out. “Also, I’m pretty sure Sister Imperator would have the final say in any relocations anyway.”

“Probably.” he lifts her chin up. “Do you understand, now?” Terzo searches her eyes.

She nods. “I think do.” Amelia leans her forehead against Terzo’s and closes her eyes.

“When you left me that night,” Terzo begins, softly. “,it felt like a part of me left with you.” He pulls back from her forehead. “You are one of few people who know me this intimately. I was hurt, Amelia, that you would think of me so poorly.” It’s Terzo this time to look down at his hands.

She grabs his hands into her own, rubbing small circles on his palms. “I think… I just got caught up in everything, mentally. You always reassured me, and when we were around each other I was fine. I could feel your love even if we never spoke it. But then you had more obligations, more events that would take you from me.” she lets out a shaky breath. Terzo squeezes Amelia’s hands as a small reassurance. “And then there were the looks from the siblings. It’s like they were angry, Terzo. They acted like I took something from them.”

“It pains me to hear that they felt so entitled of me in that way. I had my moments of intense devotion from the siblings so to speak, but I wasn’t aware of the extent of their spite towards you.”

Her emotions get the best of her and she feels tears welling in her eyes again. “I tried to hide how it felt as much as I could. You genuinely care for the congregation and the funny thing is, in a way, I don’t blame them. I’d hear the stories of siblings spending a night with you after I left and below all of the gloating and bravado,” deep breath “,I could tell that it was still special for them. You are Papa and that means something in this ministry.”

He huffs. “I feel guilty now for my flaunting earlier and my rendezvous. I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head. “No, please don’t! I thought I was setting you free. I should be sorry that I couldn’t block out the noise and not let it get to me.” A small tear falls down her cheek. Amelia takes a deep breath to steady her nerves.

Terzo coos softly and wipes the wet streak from her cheek. “Oh, please no more tears, amore? We’ve shed enough of those for a lifetime.”

We? She looks into Terzo’s eyes and sitting this close, looking at him without the paint, she notices just how exhausted he looks. How many sleepless nights had she unknowingly given him? Amelia’s hand rises up to cup his face. Her thumb brushes lightly on his cheek and his eyes flutter shut. She grazes her thumb down to softly brush along his lower lip. Amelia tries to remember what Terzo’s lips felt like on hers but it feels like a faint memory at this point. He gasps lightly when he feels her remove her hand from his face.

“Amelia.” he whispers.

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?” He all but begs her.

Amelia nods her head and Terzo’s hands hold her face firmly. He kisses her like he hasn’t kissed anyone in a century. She’s almost overwhelmed at the way he pours his affection into her and Amelia’s hands go to rest on his shoulders for stability. Tired of leaning awkwardly, she lifts from her chair without breaking their kiss to straddle his lap. One of her hands slide up to thread her fingers in his hair. In her enthusiasm, she tugs lightly on the strands and he hums deep in his chest. Terzo smiles and Amelia can feel the way his lips perk up against hers.

Terzo’s hand starts a path from her waist down to Amelia’s lower back and he pulls her further into his lap. The passionate assault on each other’s mouths continues and now their tongues battle for dominance. Amelia’s arms around his head pull his face even closer to hers and she shifts in his lap to feel flush with his body. A matching set of satisfied hums are exchanged.

His hand moves once again, further down her body to grab at the curve of her bottom to give a light squeeze. His hips shift under her slightly and she begins to notice the growing bulge below in Terzo’s lap. The feeling stirs up a forgotten tingling sensation back in her lower stomach. She swivels her hips, grinding down lightly as a test and Terzo leans back, ending the kiss with a groan and breathy laugh. His eyes open and he smiles at Amelia who’s looking back with the same expression. She begins to look down and frown and he angles her chin to look back up at him.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” he asks. Terzo’s hands rest on either side of her hips. “What’s going on inside your head?”

“I’m not sure if it’s wise to take things further tonight.” Her eyes dart around the room and she plays with the hair at the nape of his neck.

One of his palms rub softly on her side. “If you would like to stop, we can.”

“Here’s the thing: I don’t want to stop.” She admits, looking down sheepishly.

“Then we won’t.” Terzo smiles.

She nods and then they lean in for another round of kisses. After a moment, his restless hand slides under her shirt to move up and palm her chest and his mouth starts to kiss down her jaw to end on up on her neck. He squeezes lightly at her chest and Amelia whimpers into the air, pressing down on his lap which in turn earns a groan from Terzo. They’ve started grinding against each other at a slow, lazy pace while he bites at her neck, no doubt leaving a bruise for tomorrow. She can’t stand the teasing anymore after a while.

“Terzo.” She breathes.

He plants one last pronounced kiss to her neck before pulling back to at her. “Yes?” Terzo asks with half-lidded eyes and a smirk.

“Take me to bed.”

He smiles wide. They stand up from the chair and he takes her hand, placing a small kiss to her knuckles before leading the familiar path to his bedroom. The two stand on the side of his bed, holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes. Amelia nods quickly at Terzo and he raises his hands to begin unbuttoning her blouse. She watches him while his focus is trained on the small buttons and once the last one is released from its buttonhole, she helps to shrug the shirt off her shoulders and lets it fall to the floor beside her. Amelia’s hands grab at the hem of his sweater.

“Your turn.” She chuckles. He smiles and raises his arms for her to lift the garment away. She runs a hand down his soft chest hair and rests it on his hips. Her other hand’s fingers brush themselves through his hair, fixing it after it became disheveled when he took off his sweater. She pulls him in for a small kiss and Terzo’s hands rest on her shoulders.

He tugs on her bra strap and whispers into her lips. “We forgot something.” He smirks.

Amelia rolls her eyes and unclasp her bra before pulling it off, to follow the path her blouse took to sit on the floor. Now free of its confines, Terzo’s hands slide to fondle her chest. His thumb runs over one of her pebbling nipples and she gasps at the sensation. In retaliation, Amelia’s hand lowers to caress the prominent bulge poking at her hip. Terzo groans and he lets out a sigh. With a sudden urgency, her hands rush to the button on Terzo’s slacks and she expertly unbuttons them. Pulling the zipper down she pushes the pants down his legs and it gives some relief to Terzo’s sensitive, aching cock in his briefs. He loudly sighs into the room. Her pants are next to go and together they remove their underwear to end up fully exposed for each other now.

He leads her backwards to the edge of the bed and whispers in her ear for her to lay down against the pillows. Terzo is facing Amelia, lying beside her on his right side and he leans down to kiss her lips softly. His fingertips trace an invisible trail from her collar bone, down through her chest to her stomach. “Please, let me show you what you mean to me?” His fingers ghost down her stomach to her slightly spread open legs. He grabs at the soft flesh on the inside of her thigh and his thumb rubs small soothing circles.

Amelia nods her head. “Yes, please.” She breathes out. Her eyes close and his hand slides up her leg. She instinctively opens her legs wider to give Terzo better access and his fingers tentatively run along the enticingly slick lips between her legs; they both gasp in unison at the feeling. Terzo smiles, happy he can elicit such a reaction from her. Amelia is already sensitive from their kissing and grinding earlier and now just a feather-light swipe from his fingers is enough to have her squirming. He continues, slowly grazing his fingers from her lips to her clit, pressing down ever so slightly before moving back down. Amelia can’t help but fidget in her spot, gifting Terzo with small whimpers and mewls signaling her pleasure. She’s so wet, his fingers slide with barely any resistance.

She gasps when Terzo slowly inserts a finger at her entrance. She can feel the tight fluttering below becoming more intense and she’s close to falling over under his spell. After a short while, he pushes a second finger in, curling the digits and it’s all so much. Between his thumb slowly rubbing on her clit and the two fingers inside, she nearly yells to him. “Terzo I’m so,” she huffs “,close-“

“Please, amore, come for me.” He begs and she can’t help but comply.

One final curl from Terzo’s fingers cause Amelia to fall into her orgasm, sighing out ‘Terzo’s with a smile. He softly rubs her clit a few times as she rides out the high before slowly removing his hands from her pussy and licks her release from his fingers. She watches him as he closes his eyes and hums and savors the taste of her on his fingers. When she looks down, she realizes he hasn’t given himself any attention and his cock looking beautifully red and flushed, leaking at the tip. It’s standing at attention against his stomach, aching for some relief.

She leans her head up lock eyes with Terzo and he leans down to kiss her. She can taste some of the lingering essence of herself on Terzo’s tongue when they deepen the kiss. She pulls back slightly. “You look like you could use some help.” Amelia smirks.

Her hands move slowly to his tip, spreading some of his pre with her thumb and he hisses, his head falling back. Terzo releases a soft whimper when she removes her hand for a moment to spit in it and then lowers it back down to wrap her hand around him. Using his own slick and her spit now, she gives small tugs, letting him savor the sensation. He’s rested his forehead against hers, moaning as she continues to pump his cock. More pre starts to leak out and she collects it to give a better glide down his shaft. He rushes to stop Amelia before he can get too worked up.

“I won’t last very long if you keep going, Amelia.” He smiles awkwardly.

“I want you to feel good, too. That’s the point, Terzo.” She smiles.

He lifts his forehead away from hers. Terzo moves from his position on the bed beside her to leans his body over hers, settling between her legs. His hand rests on the side of her face. “Not if I plan to give you another orgasm with my cock.” He leans down to steal the gasp from her lips. Her hands fly to the back of his head, pulling him closer. He lines himself up with her entrance and slowly, he leans in, taking his time for them to get familiar with the stretch of her around him. He groans into her neck “You torture me, amore.”

She feels him push a little further more inside. “I can say - ah - the same about you right now.” The both let out a breathy chuckle. He leans up to kiss her fully while he pushes the last of his cock inside, buried to the hilt. He swallows her gasp and he lets Amelia settle into the feeling of being so fullof him after being so long a part. Her hand moves to stroke his cheek and she nods slightly. “You can move now, Terzo.”

He shifts his hips, thrusting in and out at a slow pace. She soon starts to feel a familiar fluttery feeling deep below and Terzo smiles down at her. Her hips move with him to help form a steady rhythm. “Are you ready to come again so quickly, amore?”

“You feel so good.” She rolls her eyes when he gives a particularly deep thrust in that moment. “It’s hard not to resi – oh just like that” She pants.

“I’m reaching my limit, Amelia. Are you almost there?” He asks, panting against her face.

She nods furiously. “Mhm. I’m close.” Her hand moves to rub over her clit while Terzo continues to thrust in and out in and out at a hurried pace. Terzo’s lips on hers, the delicious stretch from the feeling of him inside inside her and her fingers on her clit are all too overwhelming and it’s enough to have Amelia toppling over into her second orgasm of the night; it feels like all of her nerves are being stimulated at once. The convulsions of her inner walls around Terzo’s cock give enough for him to come soon after Amelia, filling her with his own release. They mouth at each other’s moans as the two ride out their highs before Terzo’s arms give out, his body settling onto her chest. He mouths a few kisses to her breast, over her heart. Amelia cards her fingers though his hair while they lay there, content, letting their breaths even out

Terzo slips out a short while later after he’s softened and he gets up to bring a wet washcloth over to clean Amelia and himself up. The two cuddle in silence for some time, his arm wraps around Amelia and she feels at peace, finally. Overcome with affection, she turns her body to look at Terzo, her hand comes to rest on the side of his face.

“I love you, Terzo.”  

He leans forward to kiss her lips, lingering there for a few seconds. He pulls back with a smile. “Ti amo, Amelia.”

◊◊◊◊◊

The next morning, Amelia is roused form her slumber when she feels the soft pecks on her shoulder down to her arm from the man behind her. Terzo notices her eyes are open. He tightens his arm around her and gives her a soft “Good morning, amore.” His voice is still gruff from sleep.

She sighs dramatically. “It would be if someone hadn’t woken me up.” Amelia turns around to face him.

Terzo smirks. He leans his lips down to stop at the corner of her mouth. “Mi dispiace! Would you prefer I stop?”

Amelia snorts and rolls over to her back. Terzo takes this as an opportunity to drape himself on top of her, kissing all of the newly exposed skin he couldn’t reach earlier. He kisses and nips from her mouth down to her chin. He moves further down to her collar bone, leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake to the curved peak of her breast where he’s stopped for the time being. He rests his head in her chest and her fingers settle in his hair. She finds a small number of gray strands and Amelia thinks it makes him all the more beautiful.

“Making up for lost time?” She jests.

He raises onto his arm and moves back up Amelia’s body. “si, Amelia, and I fear I will not be able to let you leave this room as a result.” Terzo drapes his arm over her stomach and he plants a small kiss to the point at her shoulder.

She laughs and, in that moment, it sounds like music to Terzo’s ears. “I’m eventually going to have to go back to my job, Terzo.” She raises an eyebrow. “That includes leaving this room.”

He begins kissing down Amelia’s body once again. “I’ll have a sewing machine brought to my room.” He smiles into her stomach. His eyes flick up to hers.

Amelia can feel herself getting worked up and his watchful gaze below her isn’t helping. “I-We’ll have to eat!” She reasons. Terzo’s moved down to kiss the side of her hips and she squirms in her spot.

“I’ll have a ghoul bring us food when we get hungry.” He’s settled his body lower, between her legs. Terzo raises one of her thighs to pepper kisses on the inner flesh. “BecauseI am not going to spend another minute,” he kisses her thigh again and she sighs. “,where I’m not touching you or looking at your beautiful face.”

“How can I argue with that?” She breathes heavily from his adoration.

He laughs while he moves back up to lay down beside Amelia. “Somehow I believe you could.”

She scoffs.

They spend the rest of the morning in each other’s arms, catching up from the past two years or just simply existing with each other in silence. At some point Amelia decides she needs a shower and Terzo comes along to “help” her. After a very handsy, sudsy time in the shower, the couple emerge fresh and clean. She borrows a robe from Terzo until she can get some new clothes and lounges in the bed while he calls for a ghoul to bring him breakfast.

The ghoul arrives, Dew she thinks she hears, arriving and bringing in a package of food. She walks up to hear their conversation and catches Dew off guard.

“Well, when you said you needed me to bring food to your room, I was worried that you’d gone back into your old – Oh.” He stops when Amelia enters the room. “Ah. I see.”

Amelia blushes and looks down, crossing her arms over the robe. “Hey, Dew…”

His eyes flick between the two for a couple seconds. “Well, uh, let us know if you need more food later! I’m sure you two are famished.” Dew cackles.

Terzo shoos the fire ghoul away and closes the door behind him. He turns around and walks over to Amelia. “I have to admit, I am a bit hungry.”

◊◊◊◊◊

True to his word, Terzo didn’t let Amelia out of his sight for the entire weekend. They were holed up away in their own tender, affectionate world and come Monday morning the bubble was burst. He begrudgingly allowed Amelia to leave and go to work, lamenting how she was “so cruel to leave him all alone” as he reapplied his papal paint for his own work day.

She laughs as he clings to her body as she creeps closer to his door. Her hands grab at his waist and she leans into his ear. “Walk me to work?”

And that he does! They stride arm-in-arm from his room to the sewing studio, passing a few clergy members and siblings on the way. He gives a light squeeze to her arm at every person they pass as a small sign of reassurance and she for once doesn’t even think about anyone else in that moment besides the man lovingly holding her to him. Amelia looks over and kisses his cheek lightly once they reach the hall the studio resides.

She’s the last to arrive, Alex and Sarah having beat her to it. She figures that would be the case as Terzo nearly convinced her to play hooky but her brain decided to think rationally at the last minute.

“Well look who decided to show u-” Alex calls, stopping mid-sentence when he realizes Terzo is with Amelia. “Hello.” He says with a slightly smug expression.

Sarah and Copia, not having left yet, bow their head towards them. “Hello Papa.”

Terzo nods at them and then turns back to Amelia. He raises her hands to his lips to leave a lingering kiss to her knuckles. He leaves a black and white lip stain to her hand she giggles.

Alex dramatically rolls his eyes. “Not you too! Am I going to have to start bringing a spray bottle with me to work, now?”

“Is that how you speak to your Papa?” He raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms. Amelia can tell he’s joking but with the paint on his face, it’s hard for others to tell.

“Well, I, uh. I’m so sorry your Eminence. I didn’t mean-“ Alex stumbles.

Terzo laughs and then waves a hand in the air. “I’m fucking with you. Though if you ruin my paint because of a spray bottle, we will have issues.”

“Yes. Of course.” Alex flashes an awkward smile and them turns to the work prepped on his desk.

Terzo smiles and looks back to Amelia one more time. His hand cups her cheek and he leans down to give her a deep, passionate kiss goodbye. Amelia’s hand threads her fingers through his hair and pulls him in deeper, not wanting to let him go.

“Ugh get a room, you two.” Copia pipes up. Sarah swats at his arm.

Amelia interrupts the kiss, much to Terzo’s dismay, to look pointedly at Copia. “Stones and glass houses, Copia.”

Terzo responds with a deep laugh and in that moment, Amelia thinks she wants to hear that for the rest of her life.

Also, FYI, I had a mystery of the day calendar last year and that's where I got the ones that were mentioned. lol. Thank you to all that have read, comented, liked, or kudo'd this, I appreciate it!

Translation: - il picolo stronzo [the little asshole] - Che diavolo stai facendo? [what the hell are you doing?] - tesoro [treasure] - Stronzo [asshole - ti amo [I love you]

[caltropspress]

ShrapKnel in the Bardo

Two Nights on Tour with Curly Castro and PremRock

19 June 2024 | Brooklyn, NY | Public Records

20 June 2024 | Rutherford, NJ | Soldato Books

How many intelligent people in the house tonight?

—KRS-One for Boogie Down Productions, “Poetry,” Live Hardcore Worldwide (1991)

When I say it’s about wanting to live, I just say that because that’s how I feel. When you get hit with death, sometimes as horrible as it is, one of the things that can come out of it is a reaffirmation of how much you don’t want to go…

—El-P, Cancer 4 Cure press junket (2012)

This is beyond my wildest dreams. Every fucking minute of this hip-hop shit. I’m here to live it, and I’m here to love it.

—Curly Castro, prior to performing “Dreadlocs Falling”

1.

I am not a spiritual person. But when something’s got cha opin, it’s a must to be receptive to the signal and the signs. Ignoring the counsel of billy woods, I was at soundcheck. Public Records was sparsely populated when I arrived around five o’clock, earlier than the artists even, the soundman assuming I was the talent. As Prodigy says on “Live Nigga Rap,” “NYC, U-N-I-verse, seriously.” Because, seriously, a universality and a convergence would be taking place in New York City this evening. The first of the night’s performers to walk through the door was Controller 7, flanked by Emynd and Scott Matelic. 

CONTROLLER 7:  The last time the three of us were together was Scribble Jam in 2000. I think we fell right back into the old flow. I was staying at Scott’s and he lives in Brooklyn, so it made things a lot easier. He knew where things were and I didn’t have to worry about anything. He and I hung out at Dove’s studio the night before with Sharif and Dose. That kinda helped break the ice a bit too, since I knew Sharif was going to be a guest in the ShrapKnel set. Emil and Scott ended up walking with me to the venue and it probably did set me at ease. When we were at the venue, I just kept meeting person after person, faces I already knew from the internet, and I really never had a chance to even get too nervous about anything. Everyone was so cool that I felt really welcomed. I hadn’t done a show in about 15 years and, in all honesty, I’ve never really done a show. It’s just been like 2-3 beat sets over a 26-year period.

We immediately started conversing about production credits from 25 years ago. There I was, a disembodied voice from the telephone made manifest, warping time, fixated on facts and fictions from another lifetime. But they indulged me, kindly.

1.1

Watch me breathe…feel me breathe, Mike Ladd spoketh on “Blade Runner” in 1997. I want to believe in the Latin sense of spiritus—that windnbreeze, that inspiration, that black star respiration, the collective breath that circulates communally, historically. And then there’s the spirit-rapping. Not breath control, per se, but when mediums had their way and say in society, they listened for the knock, knock [GZA adjacent] of paranormal communications. U.N.K.L.E. and Kool G Rap called it the “drums of death.” In the 16th century, Paracelsus cited the [something like a…] phenomenon as pulsatio mortuorum, or “death omen,” homie. 

1.11

On Live Hardcore Worldwide, Boogie Down Productions’ live album from 1991, KRS-One’s performance of “Breath Control” exhibits mostly that, though I must confess he sounds, ironically, a bit exasperated as he repeats, Breath control, breath control, breath control… This, in no way, sacrifices his reigning supreme. To err is human. (And the adverbial doubt inherent to “Over Nearly Everyone” tells me he recognizes this as well.) ShrapKnel, on the other hand—emcees Curly Castro and PremRock—make no such sacrifices. They amethyst rock with ānāpānasati, zen masters of the ceremony. Amethyst rockstars heed the cautions set forth by the Blastmaster on “Breath Control,” though. They know what the weaker performers among us rely on: “They want dancers, they want lighting, / They want effects to make ’em look exciting, / But it’s frightening, ’cause without that, / The whole crew is wick-wick-wick-wack.”

1.12

I introduced myself to Controller 7. We’d been acquainted for several years, but had never met in person. I [un]officially began gathering notes for a book on the Anticon collective, of which Controller 7 was an early member, in March 2017. Seven years later, that book is nearing completion. Tommy (Controller 7) was one of the first interviews I conducted for the book—we had that phone call in March of 2019. Scott Matelic and Emynd, affiliates to Anticon, were also some of my earliest interviews. I spoke with them on the phone in January and February of 2019, respectively. Caltrops Press was born in July 2020, concurrent with the underground rap renaissance that we’re now experiencing. One of the central themes of the Anticon book (title TBA soon) examines the underground scene(s) as a sprawling network. So when Tommy confided in me early last year that he had been commissioned to produce the new ShrapKnel record, I began to feel the thrum of an everything that rises must converge momentum. I’d considered alternate realities in the seven years spent working on the book—those preexisting, premillennial networks couldn’t have completely collapsed—and now time and space seemed to begin to bend and bow in strange and suggestive ways. 

1.2 On June 1, 2023, I attended the Maps record release show at Baby’s All Right. ShrapKnel opened for woods and Kenny Segal. They performed “Illusions of P,” a song they had started to debut on tour stops around the country. I sent a woefully insufficient iPhone 6 video of the performance to Tommy.

1.3

In August of 2023, Tommy messaged me: “I can’t tell you what, but there is a song that features Aesop and he says ‘caltrops’ on it.” Two months later, that song would turn out to be A7PHA’s “Many Headed,” a hell-bent hydra head nadda’s journey featuring the likes of Self Jupiter and Buck 65. And there was Aesop Rock speaking of “hopscotchin’ caltrops, / Cloud of black smoke, no black box.” On April 19, 2024, the “Many Headed (Controller 7 Remix)” was loosed upon the world. Tommy recruited Curly Castro and PremRock to contribute to the ever-expanding posse cut, a guest appearance in anticipation of Nobody Planning To Leave. Therein, Prem promises a “double-edged sword on the neck of an edgelord,” and Castro paints a militant picture: “Once it took a nation, / Now it takes a phalanx.”

CONTROLLER 7:  I asked them to do a trade-off like on “Babylon by Bus.” The remix feels a bit like my Deep Puddle Dynamics remix [“Rain Men”], 25 years later. Posse cut, changes in the music, unexpected. It feels kinda full circle. Dose is at the end of both. The Deep Puddle remix was kinda the “Well, let’s see what I can do,” and my skills and equipment were so basic at the time. This is now the 25 years later “Let me show you what I can do.” But somehow they actually come very much from the same spirit.

Spirit. Convergence.

2.

By 5:30, PremRock arrived in his unassuming human form—a man who has measured out his life in cocktail spoons, to paraphrase Prufrock; Castro appeared not long after that in camo pants, prepped with silent weapons for the loud wars to come. Prem, I noticed, had a mic in his pocket.

PREMROCK:  I bring my own mic everywhere! A gift from Willie Green some years ago. I believe it was a beta test and now many venues use it. It’s more suited for live performances and the dynamics don’t change with cupping. Also, I’m a bit of a germaphobe, so there’s that too.

For soundcheck, they got right into “Metallo.” Soundman checked the levels in the center of the room while Prem mentioned bots trying to sell tickets to the show online—“a breakthrough,” he called it. Where Prem is gregarious during the pregame, Castro is focused with the concentration of Simeon Stylites atop the pillar (Simeon says, Shut the fuck up!)—he makes medieval monasteries of any modern venue. When they ran through “Deep Space 9 Millie Pulled a Pistol,” the venue experimented with casting a red light over them—the color of De La’s predator Santa suit and the guns pointed at El-P. Ideas began to click for me while listening to the guys test the levels on “LIVE Element” acapella. When Castro raps, “Prem and I, two-headed Cerberus Killa Show,” he’s not kidding. In that moment, even in an empty space with no audience to witness it, they were the “iLLest Duo, Known throughout the Known Earth.” Prem claims to be a “one-man tour machine” on “Dadaism 3,” but he does better with a two-man (like Duncan and Parker operating under the Coach Pop playbook).

PremRock and Castro don’t rehearse in any traditional way. Their method of preparation relies on trust in one another’s craft, and they covet a spirit of on-the-go recalibration. 

CURLY CASTRO:  Considering how far away we live from each other (Philly & NY), our rehearsals are slightly unorthodox in its practice. We select a set list with extreme detail, and then put in the hours on our own to master our parts. Usually, at the start of each respective tour, we are doing a fistful of songs for the first time. Then as we do the songs multiple times, we see what works, and by the end of a run, we have figured out the Live incantations of said songs. For the most part, once we settle into a set before a run, we have certain interchangeable Blades, but the set remains the same for most of any run we complete. Once upon any stage we can lengthen or shorten, or adapt our alchemy, for any Live setting in any Location.

I think about the aptness of their group name: ShrapKnel—with that capital-K stolen from Cube’s amerikkka. Lethal fragments and filings. The chorus on “Dadaism 3” tells the story: “Metal from the blast zone flying Each and Every Way.” Later, on “Steel Pan Labyrinth,” Castro describes using “the blades to write bars.” ShrapKnel with a K that cuts. A grapheme sans curves, a razor-sharp letter. “Sharp” and “Shrap” kindred as anagrammatic matters go. “Shrap is here to sharp the Blade,” Castro spits on “Uru Metal,” “De La Soul skits, decode and you’ll find the answer.” By the conclusion of soundcheck, the other performers and notable attendees—Child Actor, August Fanon, phiik and Lungs, even E. from The Next Movement podcast who picked up the ubiquitous Fatboi Sharif as she drove through Jersey—had filled the floor. 

AUGUST FANON:  I saw Lungs walking up to the venue right as me and my girlfriend Khadija were arriving, so we walked in together. phiik was already in the venue and, once together, they quickly jumped into their soundcheck. When I heard phiik spit that shit live sounding crispy like the record, I went crazy inside. I was like, Hell-fuckin’-yeah! Let’s go!

3.

I am Lungs…this is phiik, and it’s good as fuck to see so many familiar faces…

If phiik and Lungs—jointly recognized as Another Planet—have received much buzz of late, that buzz reached Havana Syndrome levels while opening for ShrapKnel on tour. Straight C.I.A. shenanigans that leave your neural-well unsteadied. They talk in maths and buzz like a fridge, like a detuned radio. They are Red and Meth for the anthropocene—a blackout, one-two, one-two punch who smoke bud and sniff a bee’s ass to get a buzz. 

phiik:  Prem & Castro really showed us the ropes & were such a joy to travel with. This was the first tour for both of us, so it was really helpful to get so comfortable so quickly. Something that Castro put us on to was drinking tea constantly. Pretty much every show we did he would be sipping on some beforehand. I never realized how your voice can go at any point.

CURLY CASTRO:  Prem and I caught wind of [phiik and Lungs] a few years back. Their respective style(s) appeared unparalleled. They were a galvanizing duo, who’s YouTube clip on “Off Top” gets the internet’s panties inna bunch and generates mega-bandwidth, as folks argue over their particular brand of word sorcery. The only surprise (even though I knew them capable, but it’s another thing to see it) was that their whirlwind quicksilver tongues were identical to what was put down on tape. An impressive feat all in itself, but a reassurance of the Blade protocol needed to run with us Wolves.

PREMROCK:  That was Nik Oliver, our booking agent, who suggested the pairing [with phiik and Lungs]. I was already a fan, and Castro was very tapped in too. I saw the vision pretty quickly. They are a rising duo and their reputation as people was strong. Always important to have folks vouch for you. It was a home run, in my opinion. They are special artists making special music. For their first tour, they approached it like seasoned vets. The road is a grind and your comfort zones and routines are shattered. They adapted quickly, and I was impressed by their nightly performances. Shout-out GAM, too. He’s a GRIP mainstay and a real stabilizer on the road. We had fun and got the job done. The best result.

phiik and Lungs fed off and ate up the hometown crowd throughout their unswerving 40-minute set at Pub Rex. They started with “Captain Picard” from Another Planet 4 (and they’d be planet-hopping haphazardly with quick shouts of “AP2!” and “AP3!” and such for their setlist), and they proceeded to “burn the house down like David Koresh,” as Lungs says, or like David Byrne in ’84 blackface. It’s good to be home, phiik said after the first number, sounding like Dorothy windswept and word-vexed. Drink of water demands were made prior to “SCOOBY” (off Planet X), but not in a diva way, just to stave off dehydration from the tireless spittin’ over the haunted industrial plant of a noface beat. Lungs taunted MCs who “can’t rap better than [him]” on “Kurt McBurt,” and by the middle of “She Could” I began to notice the full and crushing support that TASE GRIP offers up to each other. The whole cru pushed up against the stage, slapping and banging it when emotion flowed and numbers thronged, finishing bars for phiik and Lungs, sometimes screaming the whole damn thing. Wavy Bagels, AKAI SOLO, and S!LENCE at the center of the Dark & Stormy scene. When phiik rapped, “Never took a village to be the villain, / But we still in the building,” and a chorus of voices join him in dragging the end-rhyme out (...buildinnnnnn’), we felt the thrum. It takes a phalanx.

phiik stutter steps when it’s his turn on the mic, rapping to the ground. Lungs leans toward the edge of the stage—skinny elbows out, eyes bulging—and raps to the sky. Hell and heaven unified—purgatory raps for a cleansing of your soul. A barrage, as many have remarked. It’s like putting your face to the fan, your visage to the vents. “Make some noise for Lungs!” phiik shouts, hyping up his homie. “It’s not easy going from one track to another. The fuck is he doing? He’s a nut. He’s a crazy fuck.” There’s a symbiosis of support between phiik and Lungs, rooted in friendship. 

phiik:  Our work ethic together has definitely only developed & gotten better over the years, but our foundation of knowing each other so well helps without a doubt. Lungs & I have known each other pretty much our whole lives, so it was almost seamless in a way when we started to work on music together.

My mind goes to Live Hardcore Worldwide again—“The Eye Opener”—where it’s said: “Make some noise! This is all live, as you can plainly hear and see. There’s no lipsync business going on here!” Listening to them perform “Secret Power,” the titular secret power, I contend, is a guttersnipe glossolalia. Some trip-wire of tryptamines, divine DMT entities exiting their maws, untranslatable.

The affair became even more familial as phiik and Lungs invited GAM to kick a verse (“He DJs, drives us around, fucking raps…”). AKAI was brought onstage for a song triad. He rocked a keffiyeh in a classic P.L.O. style and demonstrated the muscular rapping we’ve come to expect when he’s in front of an audience, each word a heavy load to lift and spirit into your soul, slackening the suspensory ligament of your Third Eye lens. Confident, AKAI only has to lead the crowd with a “TASE” for them to follow back with “GRIP.” The chant doesn’t require any instructions of When I say… That’s the command he has.

phiik:  Heads are really a unit & move as such. And on top of that, everybody fully understands what’s going on & how much the support means. After seeing random heads for the majority of the tour, it was so nice to see the team when we came back home.

Another Planet closed their set with “Don Quixote,” but these MCs are less tilting at windmills than slicing at windpipes. “This is not mom’s spaghetti,” phiik raps, apropos. They’d recently been subject to some Eminem-like internet parasocial Stanic panic when P.O.W. Recordings put out a message saying “Funcrusher 2024” with a clip of Lungs’ “Off Top” Freestyle from 2022. Lungs, a man of bare minimum words on the interwebs, said: “Mfs really crashing out over the clip for the 4th time lol. All haters please keep hating we don’t give a fuck and the shit makes my PayPal go crazy every time.” 

phiik:  Honestly, we reaaaally don’t pay any mind to it as far as what the end result is. After a certain point, the discourse almost just becomes word vomit. Tons of people saying the same thing over & over. But at the same time, any press is good press. So I definitely didn’t mind it at all, and if anything it only creates a brand new lane of people who maybe have never heard of us, and those people develop into lifelong fans. Heads who dislike it will hate on it for a week & then move on. But, yeah, it’s absolutely only used as fuel & motivation.

On “Don Quixote,” Lungs raps about how “hip-hop fans from around the world [are] stalking on [his] page,” which seems hard to dispute. He pushes further: “Rappers behind on bills talking shit online in the same stinky Jay’s”—a prognosticator shine to his studio mic. The song ends with a GRIP-led crowd chorus of “HOLD ON A MINUTE, HOLD ON A MINUTE, HOLD ON A MINUTE!” but I couldn’t hold on to a single second in the set. It happened, and I was the better for it. “Read the book, it said Gimme mine,” phiik rapped. I have read the book, and Cervantes writes—and I was thinking to myself—“...with what minuteness they describe everything!”

CHOP THE HEAD:  I’ve never seen Lungs and phiik get that kind of reception—to have a few hundred people screaming the lyrics of those verses is an accomplishment in itself. I laugh every time I watch them live, because it just doesn’t make sense on a virtuosic level. Later that night, my man Q No Rap Name and I hung out with Lungs at his crib and, after meeting him, his music made even more sense to me. From the time we left the venue to the time we left his crib, he didn’t stop talking. He told fifty of the most bugged-out stories I’ve heard, and they all dovetailed off one another. Lungs and phiik are not affecting any part of their output; those dudes are really rapping about how they live and think. 

3.1

August Fanon and Child Actor stood side-by-side on the stage, laptop leaning as they went “back and forth and tr[ied] to surprise each other by playing some very rare unreleased things,” according to Child Actor.  

CHILD ACTOR:  It was Prem that originally pitched the idea of August Fanon and me doing a set together. I had assumed it was because he had heard about us sharing a bill last year (his and my first beat set of any kind), but according to him it was completely unrelated. August and I routinely bounce beats off each other and have been working on a project together, so it couldn’t have been a more serendipitous pairing. I had loosely prepared a longer set, but several days before the event I was notified that he and I were sharing a half hour. I thought it’d be fun if instead of going one after the other, we went back and forth in 2- or 3-minute chunks. That ended up feeling perfect. I didn’t let him send me anything beforehand because I knew it’d be fun to hear everything for the first time onstage. He certainly did not disappoint. I made sure to play only unreleased beats and songs-in-progress. One of them was a song that was mixed at the Greenhouse the day before. It may have been one of the nights with the highest percentage of people in the building that were friends/collaborators of mine. I definitely felt a great deal of support and appreciation—a very fun and fulfilling first NYC beat set for sure!

CHOP THE HEAD:  August Fanon and Child Actor’s friendly beat battle blew my mind several times over. They are both on the razor’s edge of traditionalism and pure experimentation. 

While I listened to a Fanon remix of Biggie’s “Suicidal Thoughts,” Mo Niklz and I stood in the audience chopping it up. I looked around and saw so many familiar faces in the space. Mo noticed it, too.

MO NIKLZ:  The room was packed and about 50% of those attending were artists, which is incredibly uncommon.

I asked Mo a couple questions, and in no time at all I was subject to what Castro calls “The Philosophy of Mo.” He talked about being roommates with Ceschi, meeting woods through PremRock and Willie Green, and making frequent trips down to NYC from Connecticut. “I wanted to let people know I was around,” he said. About once a month, woods would offer his couch to crash. They built a friendship and artistic relationship from there, with Mo functioning as woods’ DJ. Mo had played a crucial role on the New England leg of the Nobody Planning to Leave tour as well.

MO NIKLZ:  The tour actually stayed with me in New Haven on Sunday. They had their day off on Monday, and I booked the show in New Haven that was Tuesday. I bought everyone Sally’s Apizza Monday night and then made everyone an omelet for breakfast on Tuesday. I’ve known Prem and Castro for a while now but just met phiik and Lungs. I always like to think I’m the tour dad, but phiik and Lungs were kidding that I worry these rappers can’t take care of themselves when I’m not around so, sadly, I guess I’m more like a tour mom. The show in Connecticut was great. There were a lot of unfamiliar faces, which was cool. I normally know just about everyone at a CT underground hip-hop show. The tour went to NYC that evening. I just had to bring their merch to the Brooklyn show the following day. I got there for doors and both phiik and Lungs told me they ate well that day. “What will these rappers eat if Mo doesn’t bring them food?” they said to me. Prem helped me bring their merch in but it took him about fifteen minutes to get out the door. He kept running into a bunch of great people congratulating him on the album. We got outside and somebody else congratulated him and left. Prem said, “Did you not know him? That was Swordplay.” I was like, Oh damn, that sucks. I would’ve liked to have said hi. We finally get the merch from the car, and on our way back in, Prem got stopped again by a guy wearing some dope glasses and a Black Moon shirt. Prem said, “Hey, have you two met? Mo this is Doseone,” which was funny because we both turned to each other and said, “Oh man, I was just talking about you.” It was bizarre because Child Actor and I were talking video games a week ago and Doseone had put him on to a game he was enjoying. I said [to Child Actor], “You know he’s like one of the OG indie hip-hop legends I’ve never met.” It was pretty surreal to me. He already knew a lot of my DJ work, my job shipping records for Fake Four, and that I make pickles. Wild because basically nobody in my family has any concept of what I do, but he knew the gravity of it all.

3.11

Mo’s nourishment and maternal nurturing helped contribute to what Prem and Castro would consider their most successful tour yet.

PREMROCK:  I think we started seeing the ripple effect of fan support online translate to a tangible crowd in a realer way this run like we haven’t before. The record had only been out 1.5 weeks so to see the interest it generated so quickly was really encouraging. Touring is difficult financially—that’s been discussed at length—but seeing results and trending upwards makes you feel like it’s a viable path to growth, and nothing kills morale more than a couple duds in a row and fortunately we had none.

CURLY CASTRO:  This tour evoked a grand feeling of support. Other tours have had bigger rooms, other tours have had longer durations, but this one seemed rooted in classic Hip-Hop community. Some very welcome surprises, as to who showed up, along the way. Finally, this was our first time, in some time, we actually toured the record close to its initial release. And since this was/is our best work, then it can be perceived that this was our best tour. But I find us advancing levels with every MadMax jaunt across this wasteland we call ’Murica.

3.2

The Fanon/Child Actor set was immediately followed by Controller 7’s brief set, a prelude to ShrapKnel taking the stage. The order of performers was the subject of some debate during soundcheck. I sort of felt like I was watching Meth and Ghostface argue on the Bullet Train in Japan in The Show when Ghost took umbrage at Meth speaking too much during radio interviews.

PREMROCK:  Castro disagreed with the proposed order at Pub Rex. He thought beats first then phiik & Lungs. Beats/raps/beats/raps with Controller 7 on before us. Makes sense, right? Well, I disagreed. I saw Fanon and Child Actor as an event and not a head-nod lo-fi hangout. phiik and Lungs just before us and Controller 7, in my opinion, dwindled the impact and the inevitable smoke break may have had heads missing their opening set. There’s nothing like immediate decapitation! Crowd is transfixed. There’s the, “Well, where do you go from there?” argument, but I contend… How about two of the greatest producers doing it going cut for cut?! Also, I had exceptions with the late proposal. It would’ve been difficult to audible, and I was exhausted from the road already and high tension at our hometown release show receiving a good dozen texts per hour with dumb questions already, so I may have been terse! But we are brothers and we talk it out and stand our ground and always come to a solution. End of the day, we believe in each other and what we are doing and we will check each other if the math is not mathing. Any collaboration needs to hold space for disagreement. We do it well over here.

Controller 7 was as sheepish-as-ever, letting the crowd know how uncharacteristic it was for him to be standing on a stage playing music. But the crowd was nothing if not supportive, cheering him at every turn. 

CONTROLLER 7:  When I started the set, I ended up talking as an intro. Then I ended up talking through the set, sort of explaining what I was playing. I didn’t intend to do that, but it just kinda worked out that way. I don’t usually think of “me” as being part of the music. I hate being in photos; I’m not trying to be in the spotlight. I just make stuff for people to listen to. Being in front of a group of people staring at me while music plays is not my ideal format, so I think I ended up talking as a way to bridge all of that.

I looked to my left and saw Dose standing in the center of the room. To know, in an epistemological sense, is a strange feeling when you’ve spent so many hours documenting a person’s life and work in words, and then suddenly there they are in the physical—circulatory system, blood, bile, nerves, skeleton frame standing upright. Like seeing a ghost. Like spacetime sealing shut—closed curves appearing in my pathway. My head is a repository of the knowledge I’ve been remembering, acquiring, and word-rendering over the past seven years, so I thought about a story Tommy told me on the phone back in 2019—how he hauled his 4-track over to Dose and Jel’s Berkeley apartment in early 2000, the dawn of a new millennium, and watched Dose record a track for Left Handed Straw from the page of a randomly selected book. I found a pattern within the chaos of a complex system. 

DOSEONE:  Seeing Controller 7’s metamorphosis and rebirth into the beast he is today made my year.

Tommy played the instrumental portion of the “Many Headed” remix that’s home to Dose’s closing verse. Every fiber of me thought Dose would cut through the crowd and perform it onstage, but alas… A standout moment was hearing Quelle Chris’s evocative voice over an atmosfearik beat—a yet-to-be released “demo” (it sounded finished to my novice ears) with lyrics every bit as unnerving as the production: “The killer’s in the room, / The call is coming from somebody clearly watching what I’m doin’, / You can sense impending doom.” Another unreleased song featured Nappy Nina and Sam Herring/Hemlock Ernst, and it hit like a feel-good and melodic radio friendly unit shifter.

CONTROLLER 7:  I’m not a finger drummer or a live performer; I’m more of an overly anxious obsessive. I tried to find a way to make [my set] something that would be interesting for people and also not super complicated for me. I had to fly out there and I don’t usually perform, so I didn’t know what equipment to bring. I had an SP404, which I’ve never used to make beats, but it came in handy for what I wanted to do. I spent a week or two leading up to the show mapping things out. I knew that our time was short because we had to end at 10:30, so I was just doing a fifteen minute set. I ended up making a handful of new things, shortened a few older things, and made working demos of some unreleased songs I had. I basically made it the way I wanted to hear it and then I just mapped it out over the pads.

4.

“Some of us have children that age!” is what Castro said of Controller 7’s years-long absence from the stage. As he and Prem positioned themselves, arranged mic cords, prepped their mentals, Controller 7 pressed play—like a detonator switch—on the intro to Nobody Planning to Leave (“It worries me…a lot”). Prem invited the crowd in closer: “The moat exists.” He set down the drawbridge and raised the portcullis between performer and assembled people. But, as “Metallo” began, I recognized it takes more than infrastructure to traverse the alligator-infested muddy waters that Prem and Castro put before us.

4.1

The sounds that you’re about to hear shall be devastating to your ear.

—introduction to “Mellow My Man,” The Roots Come Alive (1999)

The hallmark of a ShrapKnel song is the ridiculoid referents. PremRock and Castro present a maximalist vision that is part and parcel to what Secret House Against calls their “b-boy sensibilities.” They’re from an era when, in Castro's words, “white labels [were] like bibles” (“Deep Space 9 Millie Pulled a Pistol”); they're guys who “used to rock all Naughty gear” (“Kaishakunin”). The two deliver a nostalgic notion for anyone that might’ve spent hours flipping through Tommy Boy perforated liner notes in the 90s.

Even an interlude (such as “Bogdan Interlude”) can yield Kemetic symbolism alongside quotidian city dwelling (“Bum a loosie offa Sekhmet”), can twist and turn from Swahili to Chicago hip-hop (“Habari gani, / One day it’ll make sense”), and conclude with a blaxploitation film screening that leaves whitefolks’ eyebrows raised. Curly Castro, a tru master of maximalism In the Ways of the Scales, word to Brother J.

ShrapKnel flex mechanical shells, and Curly Castro is a b-boy fabulist. Rather than eschew surplusage, he welcomes it. He moves maxi- and mega- in what Stefano Ercolino calls the “encyclopedic mode” wherein each song becomes an archive of subcultural signs. On “Metallo,” Castro’s maximalism bends into a barrage of references: Breaking Bad, Killarmy, Darrell Walker, J.R.R. Tolkien, Gordon Ramsay, Raekwon, Outkast, Monta Ellis, AZ, et cetera. His allusions collapse under the weight of each other, resulting in hybrids—mongrels. Mongr-allusions like “Slick Ricky in dah Foxhole” in which rapper Slick Rick and pretty-boy baller Rick Fox become one entity. These hypertrophic lines accumulate bar by bar, and—before long—you’re lost in the deluge. A twenty-first century rendition of what Hugo Ball did in the Dada Manifesto, dated July 14, 1916: “Dada Stendhal. Dada Dalai Lama,” conflating the French novelist and the Tibetan tulku. Tack on Black Thought’s “South Philly, Dalai Lama” slight rewrite for the performance of “The Next Movement” from The Roots Come Alive, and we edge closer to what Castro achieves. El Producto once called them “manimal hybrids” on “End to End Burners.”

Even when ShrapKnel doesn’t explicitly construct the mongr-allusion, it’s implicit. If you’ve done the work, shown and proven yourself worthy, the matrices will materialize right before your very eyes. [Rappers got on colored contacts but they better realize, as a wise intelligent redhead wonce said.] In Prem’s words (from “Dadaism 3”), you’ve got to “read in between the seams of the embroidery.” All of their verses amount to what Ray Bradbury called “fearful puzzles”—and lethargic listeners avoid looking too closely or delving too deeply. The past is present and the future is now, and so when Prem promises to “let a bygone be bygone” only to revoke it (“...even though I won’t”), he suddenly back-slashes to Mase in an utterly different context: 112’s “Only You” (1996) where a girl goes around with thousands in her palms. “Why you can’t let bygones be bygones?” Because nothing is ever gone for ShrapKnel; nothing outmoded, nothing defunct, everything of use.

Prem immediately invokes the “funhouse mirror” on “Metallo”—everything appears in the funhouse mirror, but its reflection is warped. This is another maximalist turn, true to John Barth’s Lost in the Funhouse (1968). “For whom is the funhouse fun?” Barth asks. Perhaps it’s fun for the MC who observes that we’ve “been in post-singularity since that AI Georgetown Hoya team.” He’s Hugo Baller. Prem, who has “learned to astral project since quarantine,” adroitly sustains a trisyllabic rhyme scheme [“nightmares deployed in threes,” for the uninitiated] throughout his verse on “Dadaism 3.” His intensive and keen listenings [to the likes of an 89.9 detrimental frequency] over the years have led to a constant state of becoming, of being, of becoming a radiohead. In his own way, he’s the “paranoid android loitering,” absorbing knowledge—be it a Fondle ‘Em 12-inch from 1997, “speaking noxious” like Cage Kennylz; or the debut LP of a quintet from Oxford in 1993, wondering about the “creeping doubt” that “keeps rattling [his] cage” like Thom Yorke—and then he dispenses it to his audience in the form of Aesop fables (“splitting hairs[/hares], slow and steady on my Tortoise speed”) and Wojnarowski scoops (“Otto Porter top-of-market deal”). This process—playing the long game—might have you “forget the words [he] just blurted out,” but he’s gonna continue to get “open till he’s brain-dead, till you’re brain-dead.”

4.11

The Roots Come Alive (1999) begins—not with The Roots—but with Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five traveling through time to hit us “Live from the T-Connection,” nesting one of the earliest hip-hop recordings of a live event within the content of a live recording on the eve of Y2K destruction. Lineage matters, The Roots acknowledge, and these transmitted words are just as relevant to a ShrapKnel performance in 2024:

Now I know this ain’t the best party in the world, but let me explain something to y’all, New York. It ain’t no party unless each and every one of you try to make it a party—you dig what I’m saying? Make each record your best record, and we could rock all night long.

4.111

Supporters came from across the country, from overseas even, to experience the ShrapKnel showcase. “A whole lot of superstars in the house tonight,” Prem said at one point, echoing Rev. Run. Friends and kinfolx from Switzerland, California, Seattle, New Mexico, Texas, Philadelphia, Connecticut… Fuck it, we’ll do it live! Prem shouted to his tourmates standing stage-side—an inside-joke, an O’Reilly parody—but keeping that same passion and energy through “Dadaism 3” and “Steel Pan Labyrinth.” “If anyone ever asks you the question,” the intro to Live Hardcore Worldwide declares, “Who is the number one set and sound? You will quickly reply…”

<whispered>

“ShrapKnel.”

4.2

On “Why Is That?” off Live Hardcore Worldwide, KRS-One breaks down the genealogy of Blackness in the Bible acapella and announces that “the age of the ignorant rapper is done.” That was in the 1-9-9-1. But in the 2-0-2-4, Curly Castro finds himself disillusioned by KRS’s pontifications and panderings to the likes of New York City’s top coprophage, Mayor Adams. “Halcyon Hip-Hop inna Temple, / Membership would Bend, / KRS, of course, would sell the course, / But then the Fun would End.” Let’s all hold hands and hum along to Co Flow’s “Happy Happy Joy Kill,” hmm?

Castro resembles one of Dada’s “honored poets,” in the words of Hugo Ball, “who are always writing with words but never writing the word itself, who are always writing around the actual point.” Castro writes around the actual point, but he’s never pointless. You can listen to his 9mm go bang on the chorus of “Dadaism 3” (Wa da da Dee Dee da da Dee Dee da da Day), and it harmonizes with Ball issuing forth an invocation: “dada m’dada, dada m’dada dada mhm, dada dere dada.”

5.

Before I go on live all my enemies try to contrive

plots to make my whole entire routine take a swan dive.

But this ain’t commercialized hip-hop…

—Buck 65 (1999)

“LIVE Element,” but DEATH pervades Nobody Planning to Leave. LIVE in all CAPS—a stylized emphasis on life and living, but O DEATH, none can excel. ShrapKnel refuse & resist! They arrive as a def fresh crew, and like the haintish vocal of Roxanne Shanté echoing across galaxies, they came here tonight to get started, but not to cold act ill in any sense other than she intended. Certainly nothing cellular. No icy hands get ahold of them. Hip-hop, each and every mic check, is Life or Death—you’re breathing the sniper’s breath. DEATH is everywhere on Nobody Planning to Leave, from the David Berman references, quotations, and puns to PremRock’s opening words on the album. Prem spurns DEATH; instead, he will go thou and preach his gospel (Luke 9:60 KJV): “I don’t wanna bury the dead, / Pallbearer for carried dread.” He lifts the gossamer veil so that he “might sneak through” and survive. He knows from Black Thought—in sharing some of the blackest of thoughts—that if you “step into the realm, you’re bound to get caught, / And from this worldly life, you’ll soon depart.” 

Prem knows this region well; he knows the feel of ash beneath foot and the hematic heat against his face. On “Bardo,” the CD-only bonus cut from Load Bearing Crow’s Feet, he grapples with the pre-grief of existential knowing. “See, I’ve been told a lie,” he raps on the chorus, “swans don’t actually sing when they die, / They hit the same note you do when you croak, / No poetic epilogue or even goodbye, / But I be waiting over here on this side.” He’s on the side of the living, of poetic monologues, of greetings and gratitude. The only death rattle he recognizes is the one he hears at the end of a night of performing, his voice ragged. He imagines the walls “stress[ing] the importance of time… / Muttering something ’bout chakras and alignment.” But for his living self, what matters is more material than all that. “I be at the mom and pop shop to drop me off some consignment,” he says. To “get [his] affairs in order” has nothing to do with firming up his estate; it’s about getting paid in full. Equating his music career [Doseone calls “music career” an oxymoron, by the way] with impending death is only one example of the artist qualifying/quantifying life and livelihood—but there’s really no quantizing Death’s drums. On “Nutkracker Blues,” Castro talks about the urgency of having a verse “at the deadline and it’s Gotta be Perfect.”

Conventional thinking insists that there’s a transitory nature, a finitude, to doing what they do, these rappers. In 2002, on “Shrapnel,” Slug said, “I can’t remember who asked me, but someone asked me, / How long I thought that I would be allowed atop this trash heap.” Atmosphere, it just so happens, is the quintessential indie hip-hop success story, touring extensively and endlessly, selling out thousand-seat capacity ballrooms, pavilions, and amphitheaters—even two decades after those words were recorded. But most artists end up with “shards of pulled cards scattered on the carpet” (as Slug raps on “Shrapnel”); as Prem says on “Human Form,” you’re hustling from “bassinet to coffin.” On “Illusions of P,” he cloaks the agony of abbreviation in a clever pun about Royal Tenenbaum (“you fake ill”). The gut punch, though, is realizing “none of this will last forever.” While he can, he continues: “You only pray it will. / Illusions of hunting permanence, you pray still, / Ay still, lay still, lay still.” What’s the worst fate of all? Another dearly departed artist yet to make a dent.

5.1

The monetizing of emotions and songs, the dividends paid or owed, the commodification of life lived, could make it feel like you’ve been dealt a bum hand. “You got all these songs that you never play for anyone,” Prem raps on “Death on the Installment Plan,” and so he goddamns it. Death on the installment plan—a phrase he cribbed from Céline in 2021—has transformed into Nobody Planning to Leave in 2024. NOBODY DEATH-PLANNING, in other words. If we look at the novel itself from 1936, we can find a shred of hope, though. Provided here, context-less, a page from Céline [apply it to Prem and/or Castro, won’t you?]: 

To command his audience… He explained the working of the valves, the guy rope, the barometers, the laws of weight and ballast. Then carried away by his subject, he embarked on other fields, expatiating, ad-libbing without order or plan, about meteorology, mirages, the winds, cyclones… He touched on the planets, the stars… Everything was grist for his mill: the zodiac, Gemini…Saturn…Jupiter…Arcturus and its contours…the moon…Bellegophorus and its relief… He pulled measurements out of his hat… About Mars he could talk at length… He knew it well… It was his favorite planet… He described all the canals, their shape and itinerary! their flora! as if he’d gone swimming in them!… While he was perched up there shooting the shit, spellbinding the masses, I took up a little collection…

I was in Public Records to take up a little collection.

5.11

ShrapKnel spellbinds the masses with everything from superheroes to supervillains to sports figures of legend and little renown. Castro is MC John Corben—Metallo with metal lungs. The fluoroscope reveals the metallic structure of his bones and organs, and he’s got kryptonite in his fuse-box, which is to say he’s got a kind of death totem close at heart. The trouble is, Castro found himself stricken by the sense of green, glowing death that Metallo delivered to Superman. He won’t relinquish his life, though. He refuses the sick-box. He’s riding to Babylon by bus but persevering through every torment or trial, hell or high water. He will lively up himself against all odds. 

5.111

“The bus door opened and I placed my foot upon the step. Quite suddenly, there was music swelling up into my head, as if a choir of angels had boarded the Second Avenue bus directly in front of me. They were singing the last chorus of an old spiritual of hope: Gonna die this death on Cal—va—ryyyyy BUT AIN’T GONNA DIE NO     MORE…! Their voices sweet and powerful over the din of the Second Avenue traffic. I stood transfixed on the lower step of the bus.  “Hey girlie, your fare!” I shook myself and dropped my two coins into the fare-box. The music was still so real I looked around me in amazement as I stumbled to a seat. Almost no one else was in the late-morning bus, and the few people who were there were quite ordinarily occupied and largely silent. Again the angelic orchestration swelled, filling my head with the sharpness and precision of the words; the music was like a surge of strength. It felt rich with hope and a promise of life—more importantly, a new way through or beyond pain. I’ll die this death on Calvary ain’t           gonna       die                no     more! The physical realities of the dingy bus slid away from me.”

—Audre Lorde, Zami: A New Spelling of My Name (1982)

5.2

When Curly Castro writes his biomythography, it might well be titled Babylon by Bus. Footnotes might detail the routines of road life, like Warren G vacuuming the tour bus in The Show; early chapters might reflect on the Kris Kross-type innocence of missing a school bus (“And that is something I will never ever ever do again”); he might dispense with rumors and “dickhead logic,” celebrating collaborations like “Babylon by Bus” with woods and Prem; but he most definitely will amalgamate his years of movements and commotions into a totalizing whole. Everything that rises must converge, as Flannery O’Connor says. Bob Marley and the Wailer’s Babylon by Bus will evolve into Mike Ladd’s “Blade Runner” (1997), which in turn becomes “Bladerunners” (1999) with Co Flow featured, but retains the same lyric nonetheless: “As we do babylon by bus straight to Rikers.” See, it’s about building, about building, about bringing more bodies onboard the bus.” The bus stopped with a sudden jerk and shook him from his meditation.

5.21  THE CENTRAL PARK CHAPTER

The biomythography will provide a meta-commentary on ShrapKnel’s arc as a group (just as “LIVE Element” does). The chapter might be titled “Hip-Hop Heaven,” which is what Castro has called the weekend of August 13-15 in 2021. He meant heaven in terms of enthroned deities rather than death, but DEATH determined itself.

The SummerStage performance was headlined by Armand Hammer and The Alchemist. Moor Mother, Kayana, Fielded, and GENG PTP were also on the bill. It was a major booking for ShrapKnel. “We got at least two lives to give tonight,” Prem raps on “Nutkracker Blues,” and though the song sympathizes with Group Home in flashes, the sentiment speaks to the duality of that Central Park performance. “You are what you leave unexhumed,” Prem adds, and so the death knell resonates endlessly, like tinnitus. Leave it all out there on the floor, on the stage. Dig deep; don’t look back.

CURLY CASTRO:  The Central Park show was a level up for an Armand Hammer-led show w/ Backwoodz as support. It was our first time meeting and performing with The Alchemist. Unbeknownst to me, my back and spine was riddled with cancerous Tumors. I was in a good amount of pain; I just didn’t let anyone know, not even Prem. Couldn’t phuck up this opportunity for ShrapKnel and the live premiere of my “Phuck Puff” verse on “Wishing Bad.” So, in essence, it was the last show before I broke my hip a few months later and found out just how sick I actually Was.

PREMROCK:  I don’t think woods could believe it was actually happening while it was either. I watched Backwoodz artists go from horrendous sound at a fifty cap room to this? Truly a sight and testament to what can happen when you stick to your guns. Having Alchemist back us onstage and just before sit in the trailer and tell us stories of hip-hop lore probably made our year at the least. A high point of our career followed briskly by the biggest tribulation. A microcosm of life and dedication on several levels. A day and night we will never forget!

Castro has called that Central Park performance “the last moment of ignorance.” PremRock, presciently, also recorded “Bardo” that same weekend. On “LIVE Element,” Castro cuts through the static: “Central Park show while my Cancer was Raging, / Stage 4 on the Stage for Edutainment.” He enta’d the stage to exhibit to the audience how the Blackman’s in Effect. The performance stage and the stage of his cancer replicating like cells. But no Cell Therapy to speak of. He was backed by Alchemist, a stroke of luck “how the Game Spin,” but the Wheel of Fortune spins centrifugal, spins like the minds of children at the carnival listening to the “carousel calliope, among the hills, piping [Chopin’s] ‘Funeral March’ backwards,” to borrow something from Ray Bradbury. “LIVE Element” refrains from becoming a dirge. 

5.22

In December 2001, Ray Bradbury posted his origin story to his website:

During the Labor Day week of 1932 a favorite uncle of mine died; his funeral was held on the Labor Day Saturday. If he hadn’t died that week, my life might not have changed because, returning from his funeral at noon on that Saturday, I saw a carnival tent down by Lake Michigan. I knew that down there, by the lake, in his special tent, was a magician named Mr. Electrico. Mr. Electrico was a fantastic creator of marvels. He sat in his electric chair every night and was electrocuted in front of all the people, young and old, of Waukegan, Illinois. When the electricity surged through his body he raised a sword and knighted all the kids sitting in the front row below his platform. I had been to see Mr. Electrico the night before. When he reached me, he pointed his sword at my head and touched my brow. The electricity rushed down the sword, inside my skull, made my hair stand up and sparks fly out of my ears. He then shouted at me, “Live forever!”

Castro raps forever on “LIVE Element,” leaving behind any pressure or protocol to limit himself to sixteen bars. He raps endlessly, staving off death. He raps like his life depends on it. He “roam[s] Earth” and will “give [his] Old Bones the Last Word.” He raps “Back & Forth” with Prem like “When the Lox work[ed] with Made Men.” The song was “Tommy’s Theme,” another eerie premonition if we consider the role of one Tommy McMahon (Controller 7). “Something this way Comes Wicked,” Castro raps, inverting inversions. Bradbury’s “Something Wicked This Way Comes,” a 1962 dark fantasy novel inspired by his own carnival experience, forebodes a chilling prospect. Not quite as frigid as Castro’s “Cold Vein back-to-back Liquid Swords Winter,” but as grim as hospital corridors and morgue thermostats nonetheless.

Mr. Dark, Bradbury’s sinister carnival barker, feeds off fears and engenders negative energies from his young audience:

Alive! Mr Dark’s lips licked and savoured. Alive. Come alive. He racheted the switch to the last notch. Live, live! Somewhere, dynamos protested, skirled, shrilled, moaned a bestial energy... Dead dead, thought Will. But live alive! cried machines, cried flame and fire, cried mouths of crowds of livid beasts on illustrated flesh.

Microphones and preamps and 4-tracks and DAWs—these are the machines that make civilization fun. Curly Castro and PremRock wield their own spiritual powers. Prem, according to Castro, “lifts crowds,” but together, they can “open [a] portal on stage,” The Prestige style, and “flip crowds.” Some true Aleister Crowley-type Magick (Elemental Theory); pentacles and penwork. The ShrapKnel lyric booklet is a grimoire. They “crack the codex like a soothsayer,” so says Prem.

5.3

“Sometimes we draw dead and draft failure,” Prem admits. They draw dead crowds, that is—lifeless and disinterested. “The math fails ya” sometimes, and the Supreme Mathematics go stupid-simple. But it’s okay when the ticket sales and rating scales don’t add up, because they “don’t need the accolades,” Prem says defiantly, assuredly. What they share is stronger than those metrics. Prem and Castro shared a phone call with billy woods the night before Castro fell and found himself hospitalized—an ill communication.

Facing uncertain futures, PremRock steadied the shaking stage. “When we got the diagnosis,” he raps, “I didn’t know how to pronounce that, / Plus I was already thinking ’bout the bounceback, / And with every bounced track I know no illness can slow the blade of a determined razor.” Note: when “we” got the diagnosis—the fraternal order of MCs; the die-cast duo; Shrap and the Family Rock; i.e., no one suffers alone. Prem helps them stay afloat with the assonantal buoyancy of “pronounce,” “’bout,” “bounceback,” and “bounced track.” Music will get them there (“every bounced track”). 

And thus we get Castro spitting his verse from Armand Hammer’s “Wishing Bad” on the Center Park SummerStage. We hear his prophetic lyric: “Phuck Puff, / Survivor’s remorse should keep him phucked up!” (“Did any line age better than that one?” Prem asked the crowd at Public Records. “My man knew.”) And thus we hear that very audio clip at the conclusion of “LIVE Element,” a song which chronicles. “Phuck Puff” now immortalized on tour t-shirts available at the ShrapKnel merch table. At Public Records, Castro picked up the last line of Prem’s refrain (“3rd Eye glow like Hiero, / Seen it comin’ like 5-0 at the live show”) and made it a call-and-response. At the live show! AT THE LIVE SHOW! Inspired, Castro cut into an impromptu acapella version of his “Wishing Bad” verse, only to call-and-response the “Phuck Puff / Phucked Up” hook, damning those which need to be damned.

6.

Prem mentions “selling enchantment by the package” on “Steel Pan Labyrinth,” but you can’t commodify craft. He’s not a peddler, anyway—he’s a performer. For one of two solo performances, Prem rapped about how his “human form” is a “uniform” (with that lovely autological bent), something he does, or dons, “to belong.” Is his performing self the authentic version, or is his non-performing self the stock character? Is his uniform a “Uni-4-Orm,” like Canibus in ’97, a hired hand meant to “pulverize MCs and blow up mics, / From street corner cyphers to international websites?” Does raw imply honest? (Funny how Prem’s regular employment is bartender, while on stage he’s also a bar-tender.) The blurry boundary between these opposing selves leaves Prem rudderless: “I’ll admit I’m catatonic, / Chart the pattern of vomit, / Sonnet in the style of Vonnegut, postmodernist.” He spews, minimalistically, like so many bar patrons spinning on stools, but discovers purpose in the identifiable “pattern[s]” and emerging “sonnet[s].” Turns dreck to “Protect Ya Neck”-level compositions. And—even impressiver—he pivots political-cum-analogical to bring us back to the idea of selling one’s self and/or selling one’s wares: “You are who you’re in Congress with, / Closeted moderates post black squares / Then act scared of actual progress ’cause it’s profitless.” But lemme chill…

6.1

“Doseone is in the house,” Castro shouted-out between “Human Form” and “Mescalito.” “If you don’t know, get acclimated. And if you don’t know, you’re stupid.”

6.11

NAHreally:  Some shows really feel like an indie rap convention, and this was definitely one of them. Everywhere you turned was someone you knew or knew of—and the steady stream of special guests onstage only added to that feeling. The way the room erupted when woods came out for a few songs was special. The first time I ever saw (and heard of) PremRock and Castro was at a sparsely attended (perhaps more so poorly promoted) Armand Hammer show in 2018 at The Kingsland in Brooklyn. Castro was an opener and Prem jumped up for some tracks throughout the night. If I remember right, the crowd was probably high single digits. Since then, I’ve seen woods and ELUCID headline some packed rooms, but to get to see ShrapKnel fill up Public Records and bring woods up as a guest felt like a full circle moment. Triumph was definitely in the air at this show—something like a victory lap for putting in the work and staying true.

MO NIKLZ:  woods came out in an Adidas Jamaican-colored jacket I gave him as a present. I bartered pickles for that jacket.

woods performed “Babylon by Bus,” “383 Myrtle,” and crowd favorite “Spongebob.” “Babylon by Bus” required some mic manipulation. “Why you give me the feedback mic though?” woods scoffed. Castro sang woods’ praises (“He has created the greatest label on the planet…”), and woods spread the love right back: “Prem booked my first real tour in this country, and Castro’s been down forever. This is just family.” After a “Spongebob” false start (“My babysitter’s getting 40 dollars an hour…we’re doing this!”), woods gave the crowd—in full darkness—what they wanted to hear. What’s apparent is that the whole operation is no longer under water.

billy woods:  I was just proud and happy to see Castro and Prem have that kind of night. They are my colleagues and co-workers, but they are also my good friends, and great human beings, to boot. Also, I love ShrapKnel's records; I put them out because I love those albums, but I really feel like they are better live than on record, which is not something you can say for a lot of acts right now. So, this was also my first time seeing their new live set, and it’s just the kind of thing that makes you say, Yes, this is it right here. So I was happy for my friends, I was proud of whatever role Backwoodz has been able to play in their ascendancy, and I was really soaking in the music.

7.

Fatboi Sharif got onstage in his capacity as King Geedorah in a pink summer hat and open-chest button down, his magnetism throbbing like gravity beams as he splattered words over a schizzing loop.

FATBOI SHARIF:  [The track’s] not even recorded—I just do it at shows. I had DJ Boogaveli loop the first three seconds of Redman’s “Basically” from Dare Iz a Darkside.

CHOP THE HEAD:  Watching Fatboi Sharif dance and sway his way around the show, laughing and turning people up, and then step on stage to deliver wide-eyed haunting intensity in a huge pink church lady hat… He left my house fifteen minutes ago after an hours-long argument with DRIVEBY about the nature of evil, more specifically about whether Charles Manson is more evil than Popeye’s Chicken. 

7.1

By the time SKECH185 stepped onstage, having already witnessed woods and Sharif before him, I felt like I was watching Brian Robbins’ The Show documentary, and Public Records was transformed into a more modest version of the 32nd Street and Lancaster Avenue Armory on December 10, 1994—wormhole shit. SKECH performed “Up To Speed,” a rafter-rattler I’ve seen him rock on several occasions. Did I go hard enough? he asks a multitude of trusted friends and musicians. The answer is never less than a resounding YES. “You did go hard enough for me,” Prem deadpanned.

SKECH185:  I hit [Prem and Castro] up to see if they had booked the bill. I guess they had, but they said they would bring me out for a song. It was my night off, so it was a no-brainer. We all went on tour last year, and I have music with those cats, so it made sense. It was fun. They rocked at my release party last year so it was full circle. I’ve been doing music with Castro going back ten or so years, and Prem and I were co-workers for a time, plus we have music together. Those men are like family.

CHOP THE HEAD:  I’ve never seen anyone rap like SKECH185. Raw conviction. 

“We roll with killahzzzz!” Castro shouted after SKECH put the mic down.

7.11

AJ SUEDE:  We knew about a month or two in advance that I’d be landing in NY (from the UK/EU G’s Us tour) the day before the album release party. I was invited to be a guest and, of course, I couldn’t refuse that. It was great to see everybody I know and meet a couple new people in the process. Since I was in New York, I knew it was only right to play a song from Reoccurring Characters. Everybody featured on the album was in the building. “Tell Me When to van Gogh” always goes crazy in a live setting. The drums!

8.

On “Deep Space 9 Millie Pulled a Pistol” (a title coined by Controller 7, but he must’ve done so while interiorizing a certain ShrapKnel modality, methodology, modus operandi), Prem alludes to not one, but two, El-P classicks: “Deep Space 9mm” and “Last Good Sleep.” He interpolates the latter’s chorus:

At night I cover my ears in tears the man right in front of me drank too many beers. Every dream, every night, I take his life, waiting for my chance to make it right.

Prem’s death-obsessing is externalized elsewhere, onto an [un]worthy subject.

8.1

When El-P performed “Last Good Sleep” at the final Company Flow show (“The Open Casket Show”) on March 28th 2001, he did so through tears. His mother, the subject of the song who was swallowed when she was hollow, stood in the audience. I should’ve been at the Bowery Ballroom that night, bearing witness, but instead I skipped. Maybe because it was a school night and I didn’t have permission; maybe because I was too lazy to buy a ticket; maybe because I was just a fucking dumbass with no sense of historicity. But my friend Omar (the producer The Shah) attended, telling me peace out as he exited his driveway to head to the city while I played ball in the street with his younger brother. I gave him shit for going without me, but the fact is I could’ve gone with him if I’d made the effort. My only consolation was the flyer he brought me back as a memento.

“Worry Doll,” the wobbling, comedown closing track on Nobody Planning to Leave, finds Castro reflecting on the fleeting isolation he felt in college. “Lune TNS warp my anthem on Campus, / While every other dorm blast the Unit with Whoo Kid.” That alienation that invigorates; a specialized sensibility that inspires—John Singleton couldn’t capture that “higher learning turned End to End Burning” to camera. And so it seemed fated that El-P’s face would appear on a tablet, wishing Castro well while he was wheelchair-bound, recovering from his illness. Castro suddenly had the man behind “Bad Touch Example” at his fingertips with touchscreen technology—it was an emotional moment, but also apropos. There was something so psyence fiction about that mode of communication—something so Blade Runner, so 2001: A Space Odyssey, so Deltron 3030, Megaton B-Boy 2000, 5000 Miles West of the Future. It was everything for the man—the MC and producer and godhead of independent rap—to reach out and express his strength and support. Cancer 4 Cure, sure—El had dealt with Camu Tao’s lung carcinoma diagnosis and death, and so too had the underground scene experienced it from the sidelines. The tablet message to Castro essentially said: You should pump this shit like they do in the future.

9.

Before the closing number, Prem told the audience that they “wanted to build a night that you wouldn’t see anywhere else,” and that objective was achieved. Castro and Prem then literally leaned on each other as they performed “Running Rebel Swordplay” to end their hour-long set. 

9.1

Lights went up. The crowd thinned out. I straggled, wall-flowered, wondering, What’s next? I eventually exited the main space and found all those same recognizable faces from the show lined up in the trellised tunnel leading to the street. Controller 7, lugging his box of gear, Curly Castro, and PremRock all emerged from the venue and exited through that corridor. Friends on either side cheered them lovingly. Mo Niklz unfurled a folding table on the sidewalk and displayed a small pyramid of pickle tupperwares. 

9.11

Oh shit, now here’s a cypher…

—Curly Castro, “Sadatay”

As AKAI SOLO and his TASE GRIP contingent exited the tunnel, AKAI—feeling the thrum—began to elucidate all the things that are hip-hop, which is to say, everything. “Brooklyn is…HIP-HOP, the dark sky is…HIP-HOP, my people are…HIP-HOP!...” There was a particular cadence and rhythm to his speech, which could be easily misconstrued as rapping, and that was all Doseone needed to set it off. I’d seen him on the sidewalk, like a predator tracking the bloodscent, his broad shoulders hunched as he dragged on a cigarette. As AKAI and his crew turned curbside, Dose stepped into the street and began freestyling. A circle spontaneously closed around him. I maneuvered with the quickness to the outer perimeter and pressed record on my Dictaphone, positioning myself to Dose’s left.

Doseone, that rough beast slouching toward Butler Street, that clutcher of a thousand skulls, expectorated a string of freestyled words:

I find myself turning science into gutting an entire abdomen of a cheetah, When I work harder, it goes world of words, hearth-beater. I’m out here looking for yourself, Conceiver of entire men out of mud, What he did, what he did with these rappers was duds, and I exploded like a whole lot of love lava.

I could tell from the expressions on faces that only about half the crowd gathered knew who Dose was, and even fewer computed what was unfolding. But those in the know knew what time it was. Dose spit another few bars (“Bleeding possibly with a tourniquet, / I go at it, and I burn ’em once again, / Resurrect ’em and pull up by the sternum and pull they chest out”), and then the beatbox joined in (courtesy of Q No Rap Name, with later contributions from Wavy Bagels). Castro, possessed with the same cypher-sense as Dose, entered the circle and rapped with a hesitant flow:

Do things as we flip ’em, get ’em, Flying over ya head like a gryphon, forgiven,  You can’t even believe me, I made it out the system, The Matrix ain’t got four parts, you better listen.

Castro passed to SKECH185: “Similar to devils, like to hell, breaking heaven down, / It don’t matter, the bread leavens, and everybody moves around.”

[fragments, because transcriptions are no substitute for being there]

Doseone:  “I disappear and then I reappear again wearing your very favoritest rappers’ skins…” AKAI SOLO:  “I’m armed with just bravado and still bend the metal…” Castro: “Let me catch wreck, / Commercial’s ITT Tech…” Doseone: “Rappers need everything and their mothers to hug ’em…” AJ Suede:  “The world keeps spinning on its own time…” Castro:  “We underground, under rap, under earth, under term, / And if you need something, get under, get burnt…” Doseone: “Every bath I take is completely red…” SKECH: “High-tops made out of human skin…”

CHOP THE HEAD:  I watched ShrapKnel body that set, Curly leaving everything on the stage, and then walk up to SKECH outside and say, We rhymin’? SKECH started beatboxing and started up the cypher. When SKECH wanted to rap, my man Q No Rap Name held the beat down for them. He told me later he had no clue Doseone was there until that happened, and he had been a huge fan of his for years. That moment showed me everything I needed to know about those artists. Are we rhyming, or what?

DUNCECAP:  The cypher outside was magical and reminded me why I love hip-hop. Seeing Legends commingling with Future Legends.

Q NO RAP NAME:  That cypher was crazy. Fuckin’ Doseone was there spittin’—I couldn’t believe it. 

SKECH185:  It was cool but relatively uneventful as cyphers go. I was mad my voice was going out. Doseone is one of my heroes, so it was cool to freestyle with him. Castro and I usually freestyle together when we are in the same place. It reminded me that freestyle cyphers rarely happen nowadays (as you could tell by the lack of beatboxers), but it was refreshing and much needed. Dose talked to me about starting a cypher earlier in the evening.

DOSEONE:  I truly feel perfectly lucked to have experienced a creative competitive healthy hardcore group of people who push themselves to make outstanding rap as art!

9.111

I [re-]introduced myself to Dose, having not spoken to him since our marathon phone calls a few years ago for the aforementioned Anticon book. This was my first time seeing him in-person in 22 years. I last saw him in Tribeca at the Knitting Factory in 2002 performing alongside Jel and Alias—a night I documented as well (on 8mm video). He thanked me and expressed his appreciation for the work I’ve been doing, which felt good, especially considering I don’t think he really has any concept of how exhaustive the Anticon book is going to be. To be speaking to him at a Backwoodz event, rhyming beside artists that have rekindled my interest and engendered this indie rap renaissance, was yet another symbol of convergence. He told me had been at Dove’s the day before with Tommy, Scott Matelic, and Fatboi Sharif. Sharif, I said, was a seeker. (He knew.) Moments later, I saw woods and Dose huddled together in hushed conversation. Someone put out the call for a group photograph, and everybody gathered in the middle of Butler Street for a Gordon Parks “Great Day”-style flick. “FREE PALESTINE on three,” AKAI shouted. One, two, three…

9.2

“Just peep the words of my agnostic prayer,” Open Mike Eagle raps on “Dadaism 3.” Every word I write isn’t 25-to-life, but if all goes well, each paragraph will be received as an agnostic prayer. On his most recent solo effort, Another Triumph of Ghetto Engineering (2023), OME told the world, “We got people though.” Two tracks—“We Should Have Made Otherground a Thing” and “Dave Said These Are the Liner Notes”—speak to the power of our scenes and communities, which, truly, is a single unified community. (It’s an acknowledgement that Slug made in songform in 2000 with Atmosphere’s dewy-eyed “Travel,” a B-side on the Ford Two 12-inch—like OME, Slug was “calling all heads of the Earth.”) The underground—or otherground—has been building (steam with a grain of salt) for approximately thirty years. Back when many of us started in this in the late 90s and early aughts, we had no elders (I spoke to NAHreally about this while posted up in Public Rex). We were just a room full, or message board full, of teenagers and heads in their early twenties. We didn’t know shit. Aceyalone might’ve called us Knownots. But now we’ve got representation across generations—we have mentors from the pre-millennium, youngbloods learning the way of the subterranean walk, and whoever else falls between.

Spirit. Convergence.

10.

MO NIKLZ:  After the show, a group of about twenty of us started heading out to another bar. Controller 7 asked me, “Is this normal?” I said, “It depends on the group and performer, but with PremRock, it’s very common, yes.” We ended up closing out the next bar we went to. Doseone had the nicest conversation with me saying, “Keep up the good work and especially all the shipping for Fake Four—it’s so important for the kids,” which I hadn’t even really thought about in a long time. I told him how happy I was to meet him and how there’s such a short list of people I’d actually want to meet, and he did not disappoint. He agreed saying, “Yeah, don’t meet your heroes.”

10.1

We were at the Brooklyn Inn. I ended my night like I began it—in conversation with Controller 7, Scott Matelic, and Emynd. Tommy was clearly elated with how things had gone. He awkwardly gripped vinyl to his chest as he sipped his beer and smiled ear to ear. Castro hopped in a car after the cypher, but Prem, the eternal nighthawk, reveled in his post-show glow, holding barside conversations with peers aplenty. Dose, too, was making the rounds, affable as he is, and he eventually joined our conversation. Ever the hip-hop historian, he entertained us with an invented—though no doubt veracious—account of one Parrish Smith arriving at Power Play Studios for the Business As Usual sessions in 1990, only to describe the premise of “Mr. Bozack” to one Erick Sermon. “And you’re going to play the part of my dick!”

11. CODA

The next night, I was privileged to see ShrapKnel perform in North Jersey. Soldato Books in Rutherford sells both books and records, but it’s housed in the Williams Center, which functions as an arts center and movie theater as well—and just steps from the former residence of William Carlos Williams. The Jersey tour stop was more sparsely attended (I counted about 25 heads, many of which were family, friends, and fellow performers) and suffered from some pretty significant technical difficulties. The soundsystem was little more than a PA, and the acoustics left much to be desired, especially in the shadow of what we all experienced just 24 hours prior at Pub Rex. The performance space was essentially a mezzanine with couches and balcony access. Roper Williams and Sharif were posted up outside, hopefully brainstorming and mindfucking the basis for their Something About Shirley follow-up. NAHreally endeared the crowd with his didactic raps, a consummate performer with a comedian’s sense of timing and poise. He passed out bookmarks advertising his album with The Expert, BLIP. (I took two.)  DRIVEBY went to work for a short but potent beat set. OneShotOnce got on the mic and ripped. Sharif went shirtless for a raucous rendition of “Fly Pelican,” his vocals lovingly distorted. The only performer who was lucky enough to evade sound trouble was L.I.F.E. Long. The performance of his “Battle for Asgard” verse nearly split the atom. 

PREMROCK:  L.I.F.E. Long is a person that truly embodies hip-hop. He is also a beacon of positivity who seemingly never ages! I vividly remember him watching me at an open mic in Bed-Stuy in ’08. I would scour the web for any opportunities that looked like I could get up there to get my reps in. This one was definitely on the lower rung of quality, but I showed out for sure. It was shortly after my song or two that L.I.F.E. walked up to me and said, “You killed it! You’re too nice to be at this one—you should come to mine,” and handed me a flyer for a Newark mic he ran every Saturday. I looked at the flyer and realized who he was. Can Ox!? Stronghold!? I was very aware and it really energized me, and I didn’t miss any of those shows for a while. We went on to do a few things together and become fast friends. I would say his advice and belief in me was a big factor in my development. Time and life (no pun) has a way of losing touch, but I’ll always give props and try to let him know his importance. I hope I am to others what he was for me. There’s importance in paying things forward. Nobody is going to look out for us if we don’t. To quote Onyx, ALL WE GOT IZ US!

phiik and Lungs negotiated the microphone feedback through their set as best they could, but it made me long for the chorus of TASE GRIP voices that were present to support them the night before. Prem and Castro seemed demoralized when they took the stage, which wasn’t a stage. They, like phiik and Lungs before them, chose to perform from behind a makeshift bar on the mezzanine. The bar top served as merch table during the performances, and Castro began by leaning forward and asking the audience, “What can I do for you?” He later went hat-backwards and stood precariously on a folding chair for “LIVE Element.” He left his arm frozen in the air at the end of his verse—a rapper in the Rodin exhibit—holding it there until Prem spit his line about the “bounceback.” They weren’t demoralized, I realized—they were just performing in a more suitable register to the space.

PREMROCK:  We are from the open mic era. Ten MCs, one mic, fighting for space to be heard. Imperfect sound is nothing when we think of what we’ve dealt with in the past, and we’re also blessed with good voices that can cut through the bullshit. Hiccups are always going to occur—shit soundperson, unexpected detour, less than ideal sleeping conditions, etc. Malleability is extremely important. To aspiring touring artists: there ain’t no glory out there, but there is truth! And the truth shall set you free!

12.  THE CHOIR OF ANGELS BOARD THE SECOND AVENUE BUS TO BABYLON

phiik:  Shout out to jesse The Tree. Was intro’d to him by Prem & Castro, and we just hit it off with him immediately. One of the funniest dudes. We had gotten this weed syrup from the Cookies store in Massachusetts, and it just had all of us rolling. But especially Castro, man—he was at the point of tears because of Jesse + the syrup combo. Mind you too, Prem said it was the highest he’s ever seen Castro, and they’ve been kickin’ it for a while. That experience definitely bonded us all right then & there. Can’t wait to get back on the road with everybody again soon.

AUGUST FANON:  [It] was like a family reunion of sorts. All the performers have worked together and the listening community that came out to the show felt like they come to all the shows. I’m just getting to NYC and this was my third show as August Fanon, so it’s all new and beautiful to me.

WAVY BAGELS:  The ShrapKnel show was magnetic. They ripped the stage as well as everyone that got on. Controller 7 wowed the crowd with his beat set, August Fanon and Child Actor kept the heads nodding with their B2B set, and Lungs & phiik looked comfortable being back home after being on the road. It was also great to run into so many familiar faces and those I finally got to meet in person (Marcus Pinn, AJ Suede, Fanon). Overall an event to remember.

HEIGHT KEECH:  This show was inspiring to me as an NYC transplant that’s trying to get my head around the live music landscape. When I saw the Brooklyn stop on Shrapknel’s tour the year before, the crowd was a little light and I thought that their spirits seemed to be a little bit down. It was quite an exciting contrast to see them receiving a massive hero’s welcome like this. Towards the end of their set, I took out my phone to snap a quick picture, only to realize I had been pocket-dialing ten different people since I walked in. I got a few texts like, “Come on, Height,” but Lord Grunge of Grand Buffet had stayed on the line to peep my pocket-dial (while at his job as a Pittsburgh paramedic) and checked the rhymes. He responded with, “New York Flows? Fire.”

STEEL TIPPED DOVE:  The buzz is building. I had the pleasure of fully mixing the new ShrapKnel album. Controller 7 sent beat stems and the guys came to my studio to record it all, so I was recording engineer too. I think it’s amazing how packed the show was and who was in attendance too—lots of indie rap legends, for real. People literally traveled from across the country and one guy from Europe. And the album itself is so good. I think that’s proven by the continuing growth of the group.

E. FORTSON:  I had a brief conversation with Nosaj at the bar in between sets. At one point, he looked around the room and said, “We built this community.” After the show, when I had a moment to reflect on the night, I realized that the heartbeat of this community is Fatboi Sharif. He’s connected to so many people in this beautiful collective that Nosaj described, and I don’t think that’s a happy accident. He’s deeply invested in this community, in this culture, and people can feel that energy. Seriously, he’s the best hype man out there, and the support he shows his peers, particularly at live events, is incredibly genuine. I don’t know who I watched more at the ShrapKnel release party: the MCS and producers onstage or Fatboi Sharif. If he wasn’t dancing or shouting a “WOOOO!”, he was rapping along to every song. It made the show that much more special for me, and I’m sure that was the case for everyone in that room.

FATBOI SHARIF:  It was certainly the feeling and energy that you hope and pray for when you come to a hip-hop show—from the beat sets, to the special guests, to the outside freestyle cypher after the show. I hadn’t experienced all that at one show in some years.

NOAH ANTHONY MEZZACAPPA:  Castro and PremRock are great showmen and MCs and clearly put a lot of effort not only into their own performances but into the whole bill. Seeing guys like August Fanon, Child Actor, and Controller 7 and knowing it was a line-up unique to that show was really cool. Like Prem said, he wanted to give the fans something they wouldn’t get anywhere else.

Q NO RAP NAME:  ShrapKnel is one of one. Their chemistry is unmatched, and it works for them in real life and on record. I had never seen SKECH185 live before—that was mind-blowing. It was very ill to meet some of these folks who I only ever usually hear on record and learn that they are solid individuals in real life. The underground is like that, and I love it.

DUNCECAP:  That night felt like a family reunion. It felt like a couple different facets of the same diamond coming together. It was really special. Lots of love and respect in that room.

NOSAJ:

THE POWER OF SYNERGY

MASTER SPECIALIST

SOUNDTRACK FOR THE MOVIE TAKING PLACE IN THE ROOM THAT EVENING 

A STEP FORWARD FOR THE GENRE

PRIDE

CHOP THE HEAD:  The show felt like all the heads coming together to celebrate each other, and all these rappers that we recognize are pushing themselves and musical boundaries forward and really getting their due in a proper venue. I’ve seen Armand Hammer in big rooms before, but that bill was 100% killers—everybody knew everybody. The sound was perfect. The speakers were big as fuck. ShrapKnel absolutely burnt it down. As a duo they play off each other so well, and this was mid-tour so their set felt effortless and intense. Curly Castro is a tremendously gifted rapper. In his own terms, he is a master bladesmith and swordsman. 

MO NIKLZ:  The whole event was definitely something of an NYC indie rap family reunion/networking spot in a lot of ways and hasn’t really existed since Uncommon Nasa and woods stopped doing Yule Prog.

billy woods:  It was dope to see all those different energies being exchanged in one place. That sense of community and camaraderie was palpable. There were a lot of great artists in the audience, or jumping on stage to play supporting roles for ShrapKnel and phiik & Lungs, but there was also an August Fanon + Child Actor beat set!!!

DOSEONE:  That evening, it meant a lot to me. Most importantly, witnessing underground rap thriving and reforming in the hands of the Backwoodz humans—it’s endlessly important to me. Seeing impeccably written and produced and rapped rap be received entirely and adored is a beautiful thing. Every rapper and producer up there gave perfectly unique artistry in rap form as dictated by their individuality and creativity—FUK YES to that. That competitive collaborative creative energy they are harnessing is so similar yet different to what burned behind anticon as it first formed. And I am really lucky to have experienced that twice in one life.

CONTROLLER 7:  It kinda feels like the people that were there maybe just enjoyed it and it was what it was, nobody really reposted for clout or anything, it was just something we all shared that night.

13.

So, nah: I’m not a spiritual person, but I can be inspired—inspired by the expansion of the underground hip-hop canon and rap pantheon. Bigg Jus’s voice reverberates: A hot wire, like the third rail, is live. I can, and did, thrum with the collective breath of those present on these two nights in June. Forevermore, I’ll expect more from june. No death in June. Life is real, word to the Mighty Mos and Roy Ayers Ubiquity. My life, my life, my life, my life. Reporting live for you suckers.

ShrapKnel setlist at Public Records

“Metallo” “Dadaism 3” “Steel Pan Labyrinth” “LIVE Element” “Human Form” “Mescalito” “Babylon by Bus” (billy woods) “383 Myrtle” (billy woods) “Spongebob” (billy woods) “Bogdan Interlude” “[untitled]” (Fatboi Sharif) “Bardo” “Illusions of P” “Up To Speed” (SKECH185) “Dreadlocs Falling” “Tell Me When to van Gogh” (AJ Suede) “Deep Space 9 Millie Pulled a Pistol” “Night of the Living Analogue” “Running Rebel Swordplay”

Performance photos from Public Records courtesy of E. Fortson