#many of which set immediately after endgame

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Murder, Love, and Destiny: An Eridan Ampora Character Study

Warnings for things from Homestuck, like discussions of child abuse, mental illness, murder, suicide, etc. etc.

Because there's a huge wall of text after this point, I'm going to summarize what I hope to convince you of in bullet point format, and then hope you'll actually read the rest of the text before arguing with me about it.

Eridan is the least casteist highblood, if you ignore all the slurs.

Those are his emotional support slurs.

Pale EriKar was not only canon, but set up to be endgame.

Eridan is incredibly plot-relevant, thematically relevant, and was definitely originally intended to be brought back to life, alongside the other dead trolls.

He's Sad.

The first thing we have to establish is what counts as "canon" for the purpose of this essay. I am only counting the original comic up to Game Over, after which there's a general consensus that Hussie kind of gave up on his original planned ending, and slapped together something that most people hate. So I am immediately disqualifying Pesterquest, supplementary material, fanworks deemed canon, the epilogues, and Homestuck^2.

Moreover, we are taking Hussie's commentaries with a grain of salt, for two reasons. The first reason is that I firmly believe - and will be arguing - that the original plan was to bring Eridan (and the other dead trolls) back; therefore, Hussie (who has a track record of playing coy with future plot twists) can't speak too fondly of him, lest he give it away. The second reason for de-emphasizing Hussie's words is that, post-retcon, Hussie isn't very well going to say that he had plans for a better ending, and then didn't execute on them; to save face, he has to act as though his trashing of several prior plot threads, including but not limited to Eridan, was the plan all along.

Therefore, this essay will not be putting too much emphasis on Word of God, and will instead be relying on textual evidence from the comic itself, of which there is plenty. So without further ado:

Eridan is a Consummate Murderer.

The reason I'm starting with this point is that, far more than any other, this truth lies at the core of his being. Eridan is formally introduced to us with a murder, and he's haunted by an overpowering genocide complex. He outright describes to Rose at one point that "killin is all i evver done practically," and uses "murder" as an expletive (ie "swweet stinkin murder"). With a conservative estimate of 5 kills per week for 4 sweeps (Vriska looks VERY young when she has to start killing, and Eridan was likely a similar age when he began), both Eridan and Vriska easily have bodycounts above 2000 - the real number is probably even higher.

At this point, many raise an objection that Eridan is only killing lusii, but I believe we need to count his kills as troll murders, for three reasons: first, a dead lusus results in the orphaned troll being culled; second, one has to assume he has had cases of trolls trying to defend their lusii, or coming after him for vengeance; and third - and most importantly - Eridan HIMSELF is thinking about the orphaned trolls.

Compare Feferi: Go Home:

That should keep her happy for a while. At least until she dies.

To Eridan: Go Home:

That should keep her happy for a while. And make a freshly orphaned troll somewhere very sad.

So Eridan, to a much greater extent than even Feferi, is thinking about the orphaned trolls he's leaving behind, and considers his own actions to be murder.

Now that we've established the facts regarding his murders - a rough bodycount, and the fact that, by his own admission, he barely had any hobbies outside of it - we can move on to the effect that it's had on him. It's not very good!

Vriska's manipul8tions and murders had to be done for her own sake - if she ever stopped, she died. Therefore, much of Vriska's personality revolves around justifying her own actions so she doesn't have to reckon with her softer feelings, like guilt or kindness - which she expresses would be viewed as scandalous by others of her caste.

But if Eridan ever stops feeding Gl'bgolyb, everybody dies. The stakes he has riding on his shoulders are, at all times, the fate of all trolls, including all his friends. Given Dualscar's title was "Orphaner," it's implied that killing lusii for Gl'bgolyb has always been a violet blood's duty, and is seen as such by the others, which is why nobody expresses gratitude for his hard work even a single time.

Which brings us to our next point:

Eridan is Crushed by Anxiety.

If Eridan stops killing lusii, everybody - especially his friends, but everybody else, too - dies.

If Eridan ever shows guilt or kindness, he'll be considered "weak" by the standards of highbloods - he shares this with Vriska.

Eridan is expected, by aristocratic tradition, to take on the mantle of his ancestor Dualscar and finish his work. Dualscar met a comedically cringefail end, so this is a massive undertaking.

Before finding out that god tiering is an option - so, for nearly his entire life - Eridan has had to live with the expectation that he will outlive all of his friends. The lowbloods from culling or dying on the battlefield, the highbloods from old age, and Feferi from being killed by the Empress when she gets old enough.

(This is reflected in who he talks to the most - Feferi, who's the only one with a natural lifespan longer than his, Vriska, who's a highblood, Kanaya, who's practically guaranteed to survive into adulthood, and Karkat, whose anonblood allows Eridan to give him the benefit of the doubt.)

Also if he can't land his concupiscent quadrants he'll die from that too, but that seems pretty secondary to the rest of his concerns.

He can't even make friends with the other highbloods, because sea dwellers are expected to hate and antagonize them.

He had a free ticket into adulthood, but would almost certainly be expected to join the army and serve as a commander. That is to say, his fate of performing the role of a vicious, murderous sea dweller seems dreadfully inevitable to him.

NO WONDER he can't stop having emotional breakdowns. NO WONDER his chatlogs swing wildly from relentless self-aggrandizement to traumadumping. NO WONDER he's obsessed with murder and death and genocide.

Doc Scratch calls him a "vengeful boy on the path of nihilism," and it's not hard to see why: Eridan's entire life has been about living up to the role imposed on him by society, sacrificing his own time and sanity for everyone else, which he "nevver got any appreciation for anywway." And all he had to look forward to was more of the same, all his friends dropping dead one by one before him. For Eridan, there has never been any hope.

SGRUB could have been a way out for him, but a combination of his own terrible choices, spurred on by his anxieties, and his teammates' unwillingness to knock some sense into him, meant that he only wound up mired even deeper in his hopelessness.

We all know about how Eridan wouldn't stop killing the angels on his planet, provoking their aggression and turning it into a ball of death. How he was definitely not supposed to be doing this, and how his stubborn insistence on it led to his further ostracization from the rest of the group. The thing is, when we look at his angel-murders from the point of view that Eridan's entire life has been about murdering things or else Something Bad™ happens, it actually starts to become... kind of sad.

KARKAT: BETWEEN A TRIGGERHAPPY PRINCE WITH A GOD WEAPON BLASTING ANYTHING THAT TWITCHED AND A MILLION CRAZED ANGELS HE DELIBERATELY ENRAGED, IT WASN'T WHAT I'D CALL AN IDEAL SOCIAL HUB. KARKAT: IF YOU WERE LONELY WHY DIDN'T YOU VENTURE OUT MORE OFTEN? ERIDAN: wwell i wwoulda but nobody else wwas vvolunteerin to pick up the slack on angel killin duties

Killing the angels is something he feels like his has to do, because his entire life has been about killing things he doesn't want to kill. He's unable to break out of that mindset on his own, and his unpleasant personality has scared off anyone who might want to help. No one on the team tries to understand his thought process on a deeper level, not even Karkat, who just tells him it was an idiotic thing to do without addressing his underlying anxieties at all. Indeed, "nobody understands."

And this is really the root of why I think so many people get the wrong read on Eridan - Eridan is constantly contradicting himself, constantly denying his own feelings, constantly pushing an image that he doesn't actually believe in, and constantly insisting that he's fine with all the horrible shit in his life - that he likes it, even. After all, he can't admit to his guilt for his murders, or how much he doesn't want to watch his friends die, or how scared he is about the future - that'd be weakness!

CC: I can't look after you anymore. CA: I DIDNT EVER NEED ANYONE TO LOOK AFTER ME CA: i was totally fuckin fine my ambitions were noble

You see his contradictory nature with his stated love of history, which he only ever offhandedly mentions - because he's not actually that interested in history, it's just something that's expected of someone of his station. And you see it with his wavy accent, which he himself calls "weird" and drops when he's trying to be emotionally sincere. And you see it with his dumbass outfit, which is very clearly an imitation of Dualscar (with the only exception being the wizard-ass scarf, because wizards are his actual interest. I don't believe he likes fashion. I genuinely believe - and Eridan himself says so - that he basically has no hobbies outside of murder).

Even being proud to be a sea dweller is pretty much an outright lie:

CC: You can't )(ave t)(e sort of affinity for "our kind" t)(at you profess if you've only spent, w)(at... CC: A few days underwater, maybe? IN YOUR W)(OL-E LIF-E!

One that he tells because he's SCARED OF THE OCEAN. Because he knows what lives in the ocean, because he's been feeding it his entire life. I see a lot of people who give Eridan an interest in marine life, and I'm telling you, that's just got no basis in canon. He's fucking TERRIFIED of the sea.

And for that matter, land dweller genocide. Eridan doesn't want to do it. Both Feferi AND his internal narration call him out for not actually wanting to do it. He outright states he wouldn't kill his friends.

CA: wwell CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable CA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be

But he feels like he HAS to want it, HAS to believe in it, HAS to be talking about it constantly, because that's what's expected from him as a sea dweller, and a sea dweller is ALL that he will get to be. The mutation that puts a violet streak in his hair is damning. It's a fate he feels like he can't escape. Which brings us to:

Eridan is Not Actually Casteist, Well He Is But Not Like That, It's Complicated

Secondary title: Those Are His Emotional Support Slurs, Okay

In the exact same vein (haha) as secretly not wanting all the land dwellers dead, Eridan also genuinely doesn't feel like he's better than lower blood castes. Vriska and Equius obviously put quite a bit of stock into being nobility, and both have acted superior to Karkat for it. Feferi actually revels in her high status, and while she is genuinely well-meaning, she's not as interested in abolishing casteism as she is in changing the meaning of "culling" specifically (the hemocaste, aristocracy, and casteism still very much exist in a Beforus under her rule). Gamzee MIGHT be the only highblood less casteist than Eridan, but then again, as soon as he snaps, he does say a lot of casteist stuff to Equius, although it's unclear how serious he is, and he also proceeds to get really into his weird highblood clown cult.

Meanwhile, Eridan - despite all his slurs and talk of genocide - does not actually try to "pull rank" on a lowblood for being a lower caste than him with a single exception. That exception is Sollux... after he's already shown having entirely caste-neutral opinions on Sollux:

CC: But Sollux finally came t)(roug)(, and now I believe t)(e full c)(ain is complete! CA: man that guy CA: hes a fuckin drama machine it is fuckin pathetic CC: YOUR STUPID FIS)(Y FAC-E IS T)(-E DRAMA MAC)(IN-E T)(AT DO-ES NOT)(ING BUT W)(IN-E AND GLUB. CC: 38P CA: fuck SORRY CC: Anyway you s)(ouldn't say t)(at about )(im, )(e is a )(ero and )(e saved my life. CA: yeah sorry

CA: my feelins seem petty and meaninless noww CA: she had better things to wworry about than my ovverwwrought bullshit CA: like the dead guy wwho savved her CA: so forget it thanks anywway

It's only AFTER he's mad at Sollux for dating Feferi that he starts going in on Sollux with casteist rhetoric... which is treated as unrequited flirting and not serious casteism:

ERIDAN: hey finless this doesnt concern those wwith mustard sludge slippin through their vveins ERIDAN: its a matter for royalty only ERIDAN: so keep your mouth closed or ill slit you open ovver my next meal SOLLUX: w/e bro, not iintere2ted. FEFERI: -Eridan, please! I don't want to see any more dueling. FEFERI: Don't try to provoke )(im. It's not like I don't know w)(at you're doing! You keep trying to spark a rivalry wit)( )(im to get me to auspisticize between you two, and pull us out of our quadrant! FEFERI: It is t)(e oldest and lamest trick in t)(e book. It didn't work t)(en and it won't work now!

THEY don't even think he's being casteist.

In fact, directly contradicting this earlier argument he has with Feferi:

CC: T)(is is t)(e last time I will say t)(is. CC: W-E AR-E NOT B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY!!!!! CC: GLUB. >38( CA: pshh CA: hemospectrum begs to differ

He OUTRIGHT states his real feelings here:

CA: im the biggest fuckin idiot who ever lived CA: i cant BELIEVE i just opened up to you like a chump when i knew what was comin CA: i am one sad fuckin brinesucker CA: overemotional sappy trash youre right im not better than anybody CA: im worse than anybody CA: EVERYBODY CA: all the bodies

So the question of "is Eridan casteist" has an answer of "kind of, but also no." Eridan DOES espouse the rhetoric; he's constantly saying stuff that a casteist sea dweller "should" be saying. However, if you look at his ACTIONS, and the way he actually treats people, he doesn't actually care about blood color. He'll hit on anybody, and he's rude as fuck to everybody. The real problem with him is that he's terrible to talk to, not that he's discriminatory.

That's the thing about Eridan. Understanding him means looking past the way he presents himself, the lies he tells to himself, and even, at times, the way the narration presents him. His "overblown emotional theatrics" seem a lot less overblown when his problems ARE so real, deep-seated, and constantly causing him an unimaginable amount of anguish.

The problem is, the main people he has to bounce those problems against are Feferi, Vriska, and Kanaya, three of the people most comfortable with their privileged positions, for whom Eridan's genuine emotional distress seems like needless melodrama. Feferi loves being a princess, Vriska enjoys her noble privileges, Kanaya doesn't need to worry about culling. But for Eridan, his noble status, and the duties and expectations placed on him for it, have caused him nothing but pain - of course he would feel like nobody understands. Most of his closest friends genuinely don't, nor do they try to.

Because that's what he is at his core - a traumatized fucking child, who doesn't see any way out. Eridan is not a casteist genocidal sea dweller... he just wishes he was one, and tries to be one, because if he actually was one, he wouldn't feel so awful and scared and sad all the time. He'd be normal, like his friends.

The reason he constantly spouts anti-land dweller rhetoric and uses casteist language is to assuage this cognitive dissonance. That's why he has to come off so strong, present himself in such an aggrandized way, act like such a douchebag. They're his emotional support slurs. He doesn't actually believe what he says, which means he's a Bad Sea Dweller, which means he's Failing, which means Something Bad Will Happen, so he'd better get his ass in line and say something casteist!

And it's all made worse because:

Eridan is Dumb of Ass (and True of Word)

Oh my god you guys he's so stupid that it hurts.

Okay, that's not entirely fair. Eridan is clearly well-educated and book smart; he has some of the most elegant prose out of the trolls, and he's prone to going off on insane rants with it. (Actually, his language gets more flowery and showy when he's trying to impress a stranger, and gets progressively more laid back, chill, and even kind of "bro"-y when he starts talking to people he doesn't feel like he needs to impress.)

CA: at this point i find all her adorable black pixie dabblins to be prime kiddie playtime shit CA: all of her FRAUDULENT MAGICS cannot come close to posin threat to my mastery ovver the TRUEST SCIENCES CA: an wwith my empiricists wwand i servve as the righteous hope that wwill incinerate delusion and the deluded alike CA: my holy fire is the wwhite fury bled from the wwrath-wweary eyes of fifty thousand nonfictional angels CA: and wwhen theyre finished wweepin they wwill boww before their prince GG: wow what are you talking about

What I mean is this: his brain is so full of anxiety and cognitive dissonance and murder and death that he struggles to care about other people, which has devastating effects on his social skills. I go really in-depth on how his though process informs his behavior here. The question may have popped up in your mind already: if his casteism stuff isn't actually real, then what is Eridan actually like? The answer is, overwhelmingly, and discomfortingly, SINCERE.

This boy is gunning at 100% emotional earnestness 100% of the time, and it's deeply uncomfortable for others to deal with. He'll swing wildly from insults and derogatory language, to stating a desire to kill all land dwellers, to awe and amazement at his friends' prowess, to demanding that they do things for him, to traumadumping and venting, without missing a beat. Often in the same conversation.

CA: kan its hard GA: What CA: being a kid and growwing up CA: its hard and nobody understands

He's also specifically terrible at parsing hostility. Functionally, he interprets all hostility aimed AT him as either pitch/ashen flirting or "ironic repartee," and similarly views his own hostile words as verbal jousting, pitch/ashen advances, or even just factual descriptions of the world around him (ie calling Nepeta a "kittycat shipper cavve girl"). Hostility and aggression are just kind of his baseline, default state of being, and he basically has no ability to differentiate between good and bad attention. I talk more in-depth about his emotionally bereft upbringing (and shitty lusus) here, but suffice to say that our boy isn't getting any emotional support at home, and as a result, craves attention, no matter what kind.

This also means he's insanely gullible. For example, Rose calls him an idiot to his face, and then blows up his computer, sarcastically calling it "your first lesson in showmanship." Eridan proceeds to literally considers it that, blowing up Jade's computer after he's done talking to her. Furthermore, Kanaya sees him as a burden, insults him to his face, and pretty much just bullies him along with Rose for fun.

So she trains Eridan to become a powerful white wizard of hope to challenge her, as a joke.

And yet, in spite of all that, Eridan still has nothing but gratitude and praise for Kanaya:

ERIDAN: kan i been meanin to thank you KANAYA: For What ERIDAN: for all that trainin you did ERIDAN: i wwouldnt be the incredible holy wwizard i am noww wwithout your help KANAYA: But I Didnt Even Really Train You I Just Made You A Wand ERIDAN: yeah wwell thats all i needed i guess ERIDAN: i just needed for someone to showw a little faith in me so im sayin thanks i owwe ya KANAYA: Okay Then Youre Welcome KANAYA: I Hope You Use Your Magnificent Powers Of Light And Hope For Goodness And Purity And Lets Not Forget Science ERIDAN: dont wworry im all ovver that shit you dont evven knoww KANAYA: Uh Oh I Hope That Didnt Come Off As Too Sarcastic ERIDAN: wwhat KANAYA: The Thing I Just Said KANAYA: I Didnt Even Realize How Sarcastic I Was Being Its Starting To Become A Problem I Think KANAYA: Please Dont Take Too Much Offense ERIDAN: haha damn kan if thats your idea of offense bein made then i honestly gotta fuckin wworry for you ERIDAN: tell you wwhat ill givve you some lessons in dealin out the dark umbrage to repay you for your tutelage in the wwhite science

Like, he's in the middle of genuinely thanking her for believing in him, she makes fun of him to his face, and his response is to laugh it off and offer to teach her how to properly insult someone. It's honestly... kind of sad. Not that he doesn't deserve the ridicule, but what we're seeing here is a traumatized, emotionally neglected boy trying to communicate the best that he can that he loves and appreciates his friends, and receiving nothing but mockery in return.

It's really not a surprise, then, that he goes off the deep end. His entire life prior to the game has been shit; he got broken up with as soon as he entered the game (by someone who didn't even care enough not to use fish puns while doing it); he's ostracized and avoided for the game's duration; and then he spends the rest of his time on the meteor being bullied. He feels deeply hopeless and anxious about their situation because he literally doesn't know how else to exist, and his concerns are dismissed and mocked at every turn. When Feferi turns on him with intent to kill, that's his breaking point.

I see a lot of people say he goes grimdark, or succumbs to external influence somehow, but I don't think that needs to be true (nor is it) - he's just a deeply traumatized kid with almost no support network who's finally been pushed to the edge, despite displaying every possible warning sign and making multiple cries for help. Yes, ultimately, he's guilty for his own actions, but his killing spree - alongside Gamzee's and Vriska's - represents a cohesive failure as a team to address very clear problems in their midst.

So Feferi and Kanaya are sick of his ass. Sollux hates him platonically, Equius doesn't like him, and Nepeta thinks of him as a creep. Vriska is his awkward ex, and Terezi agrees with him when he calls himself pathetic. He never interacts with Tavros, Aradia, or sober!Gamzee. Is there anyone that treats him nicely?

Uh, okay, so I swear this isn't shipping goggles -

Pale EriKar Is Canon And I Can Prove It

So, I'm going to start this with a disclaimer: you can ship what you want to ship. I don't mind. I don't care. Headcanons are valid, death of the author, etc. What you do in your free time is up to you.

What I am attempting to argue in this section is that an Eridan/Karkat moirallegiance was heavily foreshadowed, one of the most heavily foreshadowed things in the entire comic, and - assuming that the original ending of Homestuck included all the dead trolls being brought back and redeemed - was going to be endgame. There's a torrential amount of evidence pointing to this, and very little of it is acknowledged even by the EriKar shippers, which is a shame.

At the very least, I'll be happy if I can convince some Karkat RPers to be extra nice to Eridans, because they are actually just friends who care deeply about each other. Canonically.

The first thing to note is that Eridan and Karkat, at least prior to SGRUB, talk all the time, to the point where Feferi feels the need to comment on it:

CC: You know, I'm not sure w)(y we never talk about our romantic aspirations. CC: We s)(ould more often. It is kind of -EXCITING! CA: shrug CC: Probably because you fill your gossip quota wit)( your nubby )(orned bro. CC: You leave not)(ing left to talk about wit)( your dear sweet moirail! CC: We are supposed to )(elp eac)( ot)(er wit)( t)(at stuff too, remember. CA: maybe CA: seems kinda CA: odd though

("Can you please stop having an emotional affair with Karkat" "Eh, I'll think about it")

The second thing to note is what the contents of those conversations entail. Sure, they "gossip," but it goes deeper than that, because they gossip about things that Karkat would NEVER gossip about with anybody else, because Karkat usually respects his "VERY GOOD FRIEND"s. For example, here Eridan mentions that Karkat has speculated on Kanaya's love life with him:

CA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that GA: No Thats Not It CA: yeah it is your real feelins run pretty awwful RUDDY methinks evverybody knowws it CA: especially that assblood karkat he and me havve you so pegged about that its upright silly

And it's not even a one-off thing, because here Karkat is again, mentioning Nepeta's crush on him:

KARKAT: OK, BUT TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S STILL OBSESSED WITH ME. KARKAT: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK? KARKAT: HER DISINTEREST IN YOUR ADVANCE WASN'T A REFLECTION ON YOU AT ALL. KARKAT: COME ON, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

It's a situation he's been trying to "tiptoe around for a long time," and he tells ERIDAN, of all people? MULTIPLE TIMES? (AND HE ALSO TELLS ERIDAN THAT THE REJECTION WASN'T HIS FAULT???? WHAT??????)

So we've established that they talk frequently and about some pretty seriously sensitive topics. But did you know that they also talk about... their feelings?

See, the thing is, Karkat has always been weirdly nice to Eridan. Here he is in a memo near the very beginning of their game, when Karkat is at his most "rah rah, I'm the big bad leader":

FCA: i got a problem FCA: wwith feferi FCA: and im really kinda sittin here in bad shape about it emotionally speakin CCG: OK, WELL CCG: I GET THAT, I HEAR YOU BRO CCG: BUT THIS IS STILL NOT THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS SO I'VE GOT TO BAN YOU. CCG banned FCA from responding to memo. CCG: BUT SERIOUSLY JUST GET IN TOUCH WITH ME IN PRIVATE ABOUT IT, OK MAN? CCG: WE'LL GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT.

Compare that to Tavros asking for advice later down in the same memo:

PAT: sINCE i DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE NOW, bUT MAYBE HELP ME, PAT: aBOUT A THING THAT HAS TO DO WITH A GIRL, PAT: lIKE, PAT: a ROMANCE THING, yOU MIGHT KNOW ABOUT, CCG: YOU PEOPLE ARE IMBECILES. CCG: ALL OF YOU. CCG: I AM NOT POSTING THESE MEMOS TO COUNSEL YOU ON YOUR PAST AND FUTURE DATING PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CCG: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUCH BASKET CASES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE. PAT: sORRY, CCG: SHOULD I BAN YOU? WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT ANYMORE! ONE OF YOU STOOGES WILL BE RIGHT ON THE LAST ONES HEELS WITH ANOTHER SOB STORY. CCG: JUST CCG: HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS BRO.

He then proceeds to dispense no actual love advice; he just points out that Vriska can totally read this memo too, and then mocks them both when she shows up - thus making it clear that he is giving Eridan special treatment.

You see it again in his discussion with Eridan in [S] Kanaya: Return to the Core, where Eridan invokes a "pact" between them, and Karkat immediately plays nice with him, despite himself being extremely high-strung and stressed out:

KARKAT: RIGHT, IT'S POWERED BY SCIENCE, I FORGOT. KARKAT: OR HOPE. WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS. ERIDAN: i dont fuckin need this from you i take enough shit as it is from the rest a you dirtscrapers i thought you and me had a kinda pact or wwhatevver KARKAT: OK FINE, SHUT UP, I APOLOGIZE. I KNOW IT'S TOUGH BEING YOU.

That's definitely pity, which Karkat states to be the basis of all relationships besides pitch. But, sure, okay, Karkat is sometimes nice to his friends. He is, after all, the Friendship Troll, so that's not necessarily out of the ordinary. But how about the fact that it goes both ways?

That's right, Eridan "100% aggro 100% of the time" Ampora is actually really considerate toward Karkat's feelings, and basically nobody else's. Upon hearing that Karkat is distressed that Sollux has died, Eridan actively puts his own meltdown about his breakup with Feferi on pause:

TC: BeCaUsE OuR GoOd bRo sOlLuX JuSt kIcKeD ThE WiCkEd mOtHeRfUcKiN ShIt CA: wwhat the fuck do you mean by that CA: are you sayin hes dead TC: YeAh :o( CA: oh fuck CA: oh god fuck noww i feel like an asshole

He then goes on to chastise Gamzee for his shitty advice, demanding to be given the chance to comfort Karkat himself instead:

TC: BuT I ToLd hIm tO Be cHiLl TC: BeCaUsE ThErE Is a mIrAcLe cOmInG, i cAn fEeL It CA: that is the wworst fuckin advvice CA: wwhat an awwful thing a you to say CA: MAGIC ISNT REAL STUPID STOP BELIEVVIN IN IT TC: i'Ve gOt tO BeLiEvE At wHaT My hEaRt tElLs iN Me, EvEn iF It's a fAkE ThInG TC: HoNk CA: this is a lot a pointless fuckin rubbish and isnt no emotional help to him or me either for that matter CA: put kar on

Before finally giving up when Gamzee insists he's "too scared of Jack" to help, drinking some Faygo, and trying to ask past Karkat for help, because past Karkat isn't sad yet about Sollux dying. So, to recap,

Eridan's first instinct when in emotional duress is to go to Karkat.

Eridan feels like he knows Karkat well enough to know that Gamzee's advice would be useless (and is proven right by the fact that Gamzee and Karkat's moirallegiance fails for similar reasons).

Eridan is willing to shelve his own emotional meltdown for Karkat's sake.

Eridan demands to be the one to provide Karkat with emotional support.

And this is, again, not a one-off thing. In the memo Karkat opens right after Eridan and Gamzee have both turned murderous, after he's spent several minutes making death threats toward Eridan and insulting him directly, he goes:

CCG: I'M SO UPSET, I'M JUST COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. PCA: yeah i knoww wwhat its like you wwanna talk about it

Eridan spends this entire memo under the belief that it's a completely run-of-the-mill conversation they're having:

PCA: i mean yeah obvviously i kneww you wwerent serious PCA: i guess i appreciate the effort youre puttin into cheerin me up PCA: i can alwways count on you for some good ironic repartee kar nobody else really gets our sense a humor CCG: UGH, NO PCA: are you busy PCA: you said youd try to make it to lowwaa soon wwell howw about it

Which implies that offering to listen to Karkat's feelings is also a completely regular thing for them.

But something magical is ALSO happening within this last memo, and to really explain it, I'll first have to be a little mean to the GamKar shippers (sorry).

So, canonically, GamKar doesn't work out for them, despite also being somewhat foreshadowed. In fact, they feature on Nepeta's shipping wall, which is actually, in my opinion, foreshadowing that it WOULDN'T work out. (Nepeta's ships being wrong, and shipping being something she needs to learn to outgrow, is a whole essay on its own, that I'm not getting into here.)

But the thing is, the seeds for them not working out were also planted in the first - and only - real post-moirallegiance interaction that they have with each other, where Gamzee tries to calm Karkat down... and FAILS:

GAMZEE: naw brother, i was just about to all say for you to try and get your settle down on, maybe. GAMZEE: :o( ... KARKAT: OK KARKAT: OK YEAH KARKAT: I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. KARKAT: NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULD RELAX. KARKAT: AND BREATHE. KARKAT: I MEAN, WHAT ARE MOIRAILS FOR, RIGHT? KARKAT: THIS IS HOW IT WORKS, I STOP YOU FROM KILLING EVERYBODY, THEN YOU RETURN THE FAVOR AND CALM ME DOWN AND I JUST KARKAT: BREATHE KARKAT: LIKE KARKAT: THIS... KARKAT: SNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK, THAT SUN IS BRIGHT. KARKAT: CALL ME CRAZY, BUT IT'S KIND OF HARD TO RELAX WITHIN A STONE'S THROW FROM, OH, I GUESS ONLY THE BIGGEST FUCKING STAR ANY MORTAL HAS EVER LAID EYES ON. ... KARKAT: BUT I MEAN, CAN THIS BE HEALTHY? KARKAT: AREN'T WE GOING TO GET BURNED OR HAVE OUR RETINAS SCORCHED BY LOOKING AT IT? KARKAT: OH GOD I THINK I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.

But let's go back to that memo where Karkat is freaking out in every way possible. This is how he starts that memo - so upset about the deaths of his friends and terrified by Gamzee that he can barely string together a coherent thought:

CCG: WE ARE SO SCREWED. CCG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK. CCG: GUYS, I AM TERRIFIED, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. CCG: I'M IN A ROOM FULL OF BODIES, AND I THINK I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TURN MY BACK ON THEM? CCG: OH MY GOD, I JUST HEARD A HONK. ... CCG: FEFERI, I'M SORRY. CCG: IT WAS MY FAULT, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. PCC: Sorry for w)(at?? CCG: FOR CCG: I CCG: I CAN'T DO THIS CCG: IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME, I'M SORRY.

In fact, he's so distressed that he bans Past!Feferi and Past!Gamzee almost immediately after they come in. But then Eridan comes in, and... I mean, first of all, just compare how long it takes for him to ban Eridan:

But more interesting are the contents of their conversation. Over the course of talking to Eridan... Karkat completely calms the fuck down. Like he's entirely forgotten that he's shitting his pants with fear. In fact, he even starts critiquing Eridan for his dumbassery:

PCA: evven if i wwasnt compelled to think you wwere still bein flippant and ironic wwith me you cant exactly outright reject me can you CCG: WHY NOT PCA: cause youre future you PCA: doesnt count unless its present you til then its all fair game CCG: IS THIS REAL, ARE YOU BEING IRONIC OR SOMETHING, I CAN'T EVEN TELL ANYMORE CCG: THE PROBLEM IS, I CAN'T PUT THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR PAST YOU AT ALL, SO I DON'T KNOW. ... CCG: YOU'RE KILLING ANGELS NOW, AREN'T YOU PCA: no CCG: YOU ARE KILLING FUCKING ANGELS, RIGHT NOW, IN THE PAST, WITH YOUR SHITTY GUN. I JUST KNOW IT. PCA: wwell uh PCA: therere just so damn many kar and theyre not gettin any less bloody pissed is the thing CCG: THIS IS WHY IT WOULD NEVER WORK BETWEEN US, MAN.

It's extremely funny. Over the course of talking to Eridan, he goes from:

CCG: OH GOD OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD CCG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

To:

CCG banned PCA from responding to memo. CCG: ANYWAY CCG: THAT'S IT I GUESS.

Eridan isn't even trying to calm Karkat down. He still succeeds in doing so. This is because they are soul mates. And I mean that in the sense that the comic literally calls being moirails soul mates, which it doesn't do for the other quadrants:

A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.

That "social purpose" being that an even-tempered troll calms down a more hot-tempered one, and vice versa.

It also goes on to note:

But some pale pairings, as the one above [referring to a picture of Nepeta and Equius], will be strikingly obvious to all who know them.

But what's really interesting is the next page.

And yet others will seem to have been hatched for each other.

Did you catch that? Let me zoom in.

(Also, the blue and red cuttlefish to represent Sollux - Feferi and Sollux spend the whole game together, and even wind up talking about their feelings constantly in a pile - more on piles in a sec.)

In fact... in Eridan's first visual appearance...

The crab has always been there for him.

It's also important to talk about the bottle of Faygo that's been photoshopped to be candy red, Karkat's blood color. The path that it takes actually directly mirrors Karkat's relationships with Gamzee and Eridan - it's initially something that Gamzee has, but winds up being ejected out of his life, and washes up on Eridan's shore. In fact:

TC: SnAtCh aN IcEcOlD, dOg TC: MoThErFuCkIn cHuG ThAt sHiT LiKe yOu aNd tHe bOtTlE WaS ReUnItEd lOvErS CA: are you recommendin a bevverage to me or somethin CA: is that wwhat this is TC: YeAh mAn SlAm A FaYgO CA: i dont havve a fuckin faygo you stupid fuck wwhy wwould i keep that disgusting shit on hand TC: ArE YoU MoThErFuCkIn sUrE AbOuT ThAt? CA: oh CA: oh god youre right i do CA: i totally forgot about it TC: YoU SeE MaN TC: MoThEr TC: FuCkIn TC: MiRaClEs TC: :o)

When Gamzee and Eridan discuss this exact bottle, Gamzee even likens it to "reunited lovers"; it's something that Eridan has had this whole time (after all, he was cheating on Feferi with the guy), but never realized.

There are a few miscellaneous things that don't really mean anything on their own, but put next to all this other stuff, is worth considering, so I'll list those now.

First, they both do the bonk:

Second:

CG: ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE OF STUFF I SAID. TA: eheheheh you LIITERALLY a2k me that every tiime are you jokiing. TA: ii cant even tell anymore. CG: IT'S A JOKE MORON. CG: HONESTLY I'M JUST GLAD NOBODY ELSE IS PRIVVY TO OUR CONVERSATIONS.

Third, Karkat muses to his future self about how he misses his friends, especially the assholes, two pages before staring at a dead Eridan's ass (joking, he's definitely looking at WV, but it's still significant that this thought is being associated with Eridan):

CCG: I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG. CCG: I MISS ALL OF MY DEAD FRIENDS A LOT. CCG: EVEN THE ASSHOLES! I MISS THEM TOO. MAYBE EVEN ESPECIALLY THEM, IN SOME PERVERSE WAY. CCG: AND I SHOULD BE RELIEVED THAT THEY ALL SEEM TO BE HAPPY IN SOME WAY, EVEN IF IT'S BY FLOATING NEBULOUSLY THROUGH DREAM PROJECTIONS WITH THEIR FREAKY BLANK EYES. CCG: AND I GUESS I AM RELIEVED ABOUT THAT. CCG: BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S LEFT ME UNSETTLED.

Fourth, in the same conversation, he bemoans his failed relationship with Terezi, before Future!Karkat chastises Past!Karkat for his instability and mixed signals. Going back to the page on moirallegiances, an explicit function of a proper pale relationship is stabilizing a troll's other relationships:

The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.

Of course, I don't need to tell you how messy and unstable Eridan's relationships have been.

And finally, Piles of Stuff™ are associated with moirails, and directly stated in-comic to cause an outpouring of emotion:

Standing near this pile stirs powerful emotions. The closer you stand to piles of stuff, the more freely the feelings flow. It is a law of reality.

So here's a seven-word tragedy for you: For Sale, Shitty Wand Pile, Never Used:

ERIDAN: at least i got the upright basic decency to hide my shitty wand pile somewwhere in the lab you wwont find it dont evven bother lookin KARKAT: WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES HAVE PILES OF THINGS, JUST STOP.

(Which he specifically tells Karkat about.)

So, yeah, what I'm saying is, there's just, like, a weirdly large amount to read into here. That Karkat and Eridan are probably soulmates or whatever. And that this is important because...

Eridan Is Plot Relevant (Well All The Dead Trolls Are But This Is An Essay About Eridan)

So. Now we are going to talk about themes. Yes, like we are in schoolfeeding again. I'm going to keep it simple, because "The Themes of Homestuck" is a whole essay on its own, and this one about just the shitty fish boy is already way too long.

I think it's fairly non-controversial to posit that the main theme of Homestuck is, "children should mature, care about each other, and throw off the shackles of their old society, because they will be responsible for a new world one day."

Up until Game Over/the Retcon, this is so prevalent and well-established that SBURB/SGRUB's coming-of-age themes will outright be commented upon by the characters, and the main villain is a child who deliberately stunted his own growth so he could go around kicking over other peoples' toys forevermore.

So, the thing is, with that being the theme of Homestuck, if ALL of the Alternian trolls don't survive to the end, the ending is thematically unsatisfying, because the message suddenly gains an addendum of "well, some kids just need to die," which totally sucks. Like, sure, Eridan was a violent, crazed murderer even at the best of times, but his permanent death within the canon ending kind of means that the comic is saying that people in his position don't deserve kindness or second chances. That position being a traumatized, emotionally neglected child, who was being bullied by people he considered his friends. It's a pretty terrible message.

It's even worse when you consider what other trolls don't make it to the end - Nepeta, the most outspoken troll against the hemospectrum (and Davepeta does NOT count, don't try to tell me the final culmination of Nepeta's character arc is being combined with some guy she barely knows and a bird). Feferi, who genuinely wanted the best for others, even if she was kind of a privileged princess. Aradia and Sollux also stay behind in the bubbles, even though their lives have pretty much been endless parades of suffering and being used by other people. Even Equius doesn't deserve it - he was kind of a casteist freak, but not irredeemably so, and the fact that he became kinder to Karkat over the course of SGRUB proved that he had the capacity to change. And Tavros, allergic to himself and being insulted by Vriska, is a terrible way to end his arc.

It's also really clear that, since half his friends are dead, Karkat just doesn't really have anything to do. His title is the Knight of Blood, and Blood is about bonds - romance, friendship. And yet, he ends the comic having never figured out what Blood was about, with no confirmed filled quadrants (sorry DaveKat likers, but within the comic itself, DaveKat is never confirmed), and most of his bonds nothing more than ghosts in the bubbles. It's a terribly unsatisfying ending for the most narratively important troll.

I think, then, that even if you don't agree that Homestuck should have ended with full revivals and redemption arcs for all the trolls, the essay is going to proceed on like you do, so, sorry, I guess.

The thing with Eridan, specifically, is that he's actually tied deeply into the plot and themes, and his return means more than just Karkat finally getting a date (although that's important, too). Eridan is directly intertwined with a prophecy to kill Lord English; he's set up to mirror Caliborn and Calliope; and thematically, his redemption would be the most clear instance of the "interrogating society" part of the theme of Homestuck, because Eridan is kind of the Society Troll. And also, he was definitely supposed to be Roxy's wizard boyfriend.

Just gonna get that last one out of the way real quick because it's a fast one, Roxy fucking loves wizards and is a hipster. Eridan is a wizard and is also a hipster. Roxy has a crush on a prince. Eridan is also a prince. Roxy wears a purple striped scarf. Eridan wears a blue striped scarf. Roxy uses rifles. Eridan uses rifles. Momlonde's introduction includes a passive-aggressive fridge battle that features a cameo of Eridan's quirk.

Using the colorful MAGNET LETTERS, you recently left a succinct message, which may or may not have been directed toward anyone in particular. But you couldn't find the letter W, so you just stuck two V's together. Your mother then purchased a fresh pack of W's and left them there for your convenience.

Yeah. So. Uh. Not only did Eridan need to be brought back to date Karkat pale, but he also needed to be brought back to date Roxy flushed. Can you imagine how funny it would be. They'd get together within 5 minutes of meeting for the first time and Rose would lose her shit. Anyway.

Him being a parallel to Calliope and Caliborn is also a quick one - Caliborn uses Riflekind/Sceptrekind, and Calliope uses Pistolkind/Wandkind. Eridan's two weapons are rifles and wands. Lord English is described as an evil wizard and at one point is shown using Calliope's wand. Eridan is also an evil wizard who uses a wand.

Look, I'm not saying that Eridan is necessarily directly related to these two, nor am I even necessarily saying that he and Roxy HAVE to date, but I am saying that he's got Weird Plot Connections that make him bizarrely relevant to characters that only come into play well after his death - almost like the comic was setting up that he would be coming back. His reaction to Cronus supports this, which I go into detail about here.

There's other strange "Eridan's plot important" things, too - like the fact that he's completely unimpressed by Faygo, considering it to be "just soda," and seems to be the only non-cultist who's okay with it. Or the fact that he's actually been awake on Derse since before the game (but unable to hear the horrorterrors, maybe foreshadowing some psychic resistance?) which he casually reveals to Kanaya and which Terezi is aware of, hence he's included in the people she names are "in" on the existence of the game. Or the fact that the genetic code for Alternia's first guardian was written within the pages of four FLARP books, with the addition of a fifth code Gamzee wrote in Karkat's ~ATH book... but Eridan was the fifth FLARP player in the team, implying that Doc Scratch/LE influencing Gamzee caused him to usurp Eridan's part of the first guardian code, giving LE his way into the trolls' universe.

Individually, it's all kind of nothing, but it just paints a bigger picture of Eridan being weirdly relevant, especially when we get to the juicy stuff:

The Prophecy

ARANEA: The 8ard of Hope may seem a little jaded these days, 8ut he once had a deeply a8iding faith in magic, and dedicated himself to 8ecoming a great wizard. He 8ecame convinced he was hatched to defeat an extraordinarily evil magician, one he swore the angels foretold of. ... [T]his magician once somehow from afar tried to strike him down at a young age, so he would never have to face him. 8ut the evil spell was deflected, sealing the magician's spirit away in a series of unassuming vessels until he could find some other cunning way to enter our universe. ... ARANEA: 8ut at some point he 8ecame disillusioned with magic. If there ever was any truth to his far fetched vision, the legacy of defeating the evil magician would have to 8e passed on to his descendant, or if his descendant proved to 8e as much of a failure as he did, then perhaps on to some other Hero of Hope.

ERIDAN: i slaughtered enough angels to knoww my limits and wwhere i stand against the lord of all angels they prophecized

GG: im pretty sure hes from the future! CA: wwhy GG: because he said hes my grandson CA: wwhat the fuck is a grandson CA: is that some kind of pervverse human familial thing GG: umm yes ... CA: that gun i just gavve you is somethin of a hatchright to the kid CA: happy i could play a role in your dirty stinkin lineage GG: like an heirloom? i guess it could be ... CA: i kinda think thats wwhy i found the gun in the first place CA: but noww im forsakin it because fuck i just found a better destiny than my old crappy one wwhich i nevver got any appreciation for anywway

Jake is supposed to have been the one to defeat Lord English. (No, Jake defeating pre-LE Caliborn right before he gets sealed into Cal doesn't count! He doesn't even get the final blow in that fight, DIRK does.)

But Eridan at one point had that destiny on his shoulders. Aranea turbohealing Jake, and the resultant hope field, summons a bunch of angels, which are heavily associated with Eridan - yet another random connection that Eridan has with future plot events.

Jake was another character, alongside Karkat, who was kind of reduced to a joke by the end, despite the fact that he had literally, directly, been passed the destiny of defeating Lord English. It's hard not to see this as a consequence, at least in part, of removing Eridan from the story. By cutting him out of the fabric of the ending, several plot threads - including this prophecy - are left dangling in irrelevance. And so Jake, like Karkat, now has nothing to do.

Homestuck is generally a series where every prophecy does come true, which makes it kind of startling when several prophecies fail to - Feferi's to "unite the two races," Jake's to defeat Lord English, and Karkat's to bring "compassion, forgiveness, and equality among all bloodlines" in the Signless's place.

That last one is actually relevant to:

The Thematic Importance of EriKar As Soul Mates

Eridan represents the worst aspects of Alternian society. He's a sea dweller at the top of the caste structure, with free reign to murder whoever he wants, soaked in the blood of thousands of innocent trolls. He espouses the casteist rhetoric that their society is built on, calling for the deaths of all land dwellers and the oppression of the lower castes. And while he should be benefitting from his position of privilege, it has also done nothing but hurt him.

Karkat, meanwhile, is a pariah. A mutant who would've been culled on sight, who spent his entire life living in hiding, and most of the game in fear that he would be ostracized or worse by the rest of his friends if they found out about his blood color. He's also the second coming of Troll Jesus, and thus, more despised by the Alternian ruling class than a mutant normally would be. For most of his life, he dreamed of nothing more than finding belonging within the society that had deemed him unfit.

Their friendship is something that "should not be." The highblood and the mutant. The royal-v and the off-spectrum. The empress's sea dweller and the second coming of the signless. Eridan "should" see Karkat as a miscreant to cull on sight. Karkat "should" be terrified of Eridan's very existence.

But in reality, Eridan doesn't give a shit about blood color, and Karkat just wants to be accepted. Eridan just wants someone to care about him, and Karkat loves his friends. Aside from Feferi, Eridan is the only highblood who never comments about Karkat's mutant blood, and they were best buddies even before Eridan knew.

Eridan and Karkat getting together isn't JUST the two most undateable trolls on the team finally landing a stable quadrant. These two, moreso than any other pairing, represent the themes of Homestuck. Children growing up, caring about each other, and throwing off the shackles of their old society.

In the pre-retcon timeline, their team failed to do so. This led to Gamzee falling into his highblood clown cult, Equius letting himself and Nepeta die by submitting to his place in the hemospectrum, Vriska killing Tavros because she couldn't allow herself to show weakness, and Eridan completing his caste's dream of genocide. Karkat spent the entire meteor trip and beyond beating himself up about it, since he considered it all to be his fault.

But with the introduction of John's retcon powers, they have the chance to, one by one, redeem themselves. I believe that's how the original ending would have gone: Terezi would ask John to bring Vriska back, because she only feels comfortable fixing her own mistakes. Vriska would then have asked John to bring back Tavros, whom she regretted killing. Tavros would be there for Gamzee, rendering him an ally. Gamzee would ask John to bring back Equius and Nepeta. Equius would ask John to help him not make the same mistakes with Aradia, and Aradiabot would catch John by the wrist and demand he bring her back in time to before she died, allowing her to circumvent her own death and Sollux's guilt. Sollux would ask John to keep him from provoking Eridan, saving Feferi. And Feferi would be pretty ok with the way things were... but KARKAT would then pull John aside, and drop an entire book of mistakes he made on John's lap, and this would result in a finalized timeline where all his friends are alive and god-tiered.

Because all the trolls SHOULD have survived.

Vriska should've survived because people should be allowed to have second chances.

Tavros should've survived because caring about each other, and being willing to show kindness and mercy, are good things.

Gamzee should have survived because people mired in religious fundamentalism and cults deserve to be offered a helping hand.

Equius should've survived because people should be allowed to grow and change their beliefs.

Nepeta should've survived because she was the anti-casteism troll. Casteism is bad, folks! Not only that, but I'm convinced that she was originally going to give the Ultimate Self exposition, and Davepetasprite^2 had to be contrived in the canon ending in order to shortcut Nepeta's character development, ruining it in the process.

Aradia should've been allowed to stay with the rest of the team and live a life free of the control of evil uncles and shitty ancestors.

Sollux should've been allowed to stay with the rest of the team because we all deserve to heal and be happy.

Feferi should've survived so she could be in a kismesistude with Nepeta, and realize that casteism itself is bad, not just the definition of culling, and then used her Witch of Life powers to even out the lifespans between the next generation of trolls, which needs to happen or else casteism will just happen again as long-lived highbloods inevitably amass power. And, also, it would complete the prophecy Gl'bgolyb gave her that she was intended to unite the two races (dream bubbles don't count, because by that metric, Sollux did more than she did by establishing a connection between the trolls and humans).

And Eridan should've survived, because the harm society has done to us can be undone. We don't have to submit to the roles it imposes, to the laws it wrote, to the abuse it inflicted. We can be free.

I've seen a lot of people who believe that such-and-such character did SUCH awful things that they don't deserve a happy ending. Oftentimes, it's Eridan, but nearly all of the dead trolls have gotten this treatment. So, let me just ask all of you who have gotten this far and still hold that opinion one thing. Do you think that's what Troll Jesus would have wanted?

This is why pale EriKar is so important: for it to happen, Eridan has to make a choice between upholding the beliefs of his shitty society, or pursuing a happier, kinder future, one where he outright rejects the caste system. For it to happen, Karkat has to shake all his insecurities about not being good enough by Alternian standards, and take on the duty of creating something better than what he came from. If pale EriKar happens, it means Eridan and Karkat choose love, not fear. Compassion, forgiveness, and equality.

This choice - this pairing - is the ultimate representation of giving Alternian society one big middle finger. Saying, we don't need you anymore, fuck off! Saying, we reject you at your core; we will choose something better! Saying, we will create a new world, and it will be kinder than the one we came from!

Pale EriKar means LOVE WINS.

Thank you for reading.

[damagedintellect]

Fyodor x reader x Nikolai [Rich kids AU]

💌 Days of our Bungo : Part 2 💌  

Summary: All of your fathers made a pack that whenever they had kids they would marry each other. It sounded like a good idea at the time but when the Sigma family was the only family to have a girl, and everyone wanted a bloodborne heir, things seemed a little complicated. After many arguments it was decided they would wait to see which boy, she, would fall for. Everyone always ends up having a crush on their childhood friend right?

Notes: Guess who had another Bungo dream, it was me! This time around the dream sequence started in the middle and just kept going so ima just fill in the gaps and start from the top.

Tropes: Sigma is your twin, Fyodor x reader x Nikolai, Fyodor is endgame, royalty/rich kids, Childhood friends, Mutual pinning but reader thinks it's one-sided, Nikolai knows its unrequited but he still loves you & Fyodor, eventual 🍋

💌 Word count: 4,812 💌  Part 1 | Part 3 coming soon

The following year everyone at the academy would be spending their junior year studying abroad. It excited you greatly. You had always wanted to travel out of the country but never had the opportunity. Every summer you had been busy with Ballet. You also didn't want to be separated from Fyodor or Nikolai. Which reminded you that even Sigma would probably choose to study somewhere else this year. Your heart dropped at the thought. Everyone had a different study of interest.

Being the Sigma family's heiress you weren’t expected to take over the family business. You had a certain level of freedom in your choice. You bit your lip. You liked things the way they were. How could you live without seeing Sigma, Fyodor and Nikolai everyday? You would all be making your choices by the end of the day and flying out as soon as the school could process your visas.

To your surprise Sigma, Ranpo and Dazai choose to study in England. You, Chuuya and Nikolai choose France and Fyodor was going to study in Russia. At the airport you were the only person who was teary-eyed. It was a new adventure and you knew it was going to be fun but you would miss your brother and your best friend. Of course you could alway write to them and they were only a phone call away but it would be different given the time zones and it wouldn't be the same.

The year went by faster than anticipated. You never expected Chuuya to take ballet with you and Nikolai but apparently outside of being there for poetry his brother pushed the idea on him. Chuuya ended up becoming a good friend and while Nikolai helped ease the homesickness you couldn't wait to be reunited with your family again. Despite Nikolai being with you in France he decided to take a little detour on the way back. He planned on going to Ukraine to visit his own family. So you flew back home with Chuuya but almost immediately parted ways after landing. Sigma would be returning in an hour or so, with that in mind you might as well wait for him. You sat on a bench zoning out as you heard someone ask you a question.

“дорогая, это место занято?”

You snapped your head around, mesmerized by the familiar voice. Softly you whispered the name of the man you missed so dearly.

“Fyodor.?” 

You stood up astonished at how different he appeared. He had gotten taller in your time apart. His hair was also an inch longer than before but you've always liked that he kept his hair long. Fyodor cleared his throat realizing he was still speaking russian.

“My apologies, I forgot you are not familiar with my native tongue.” He set his bag down on the chair next to you and you took that as your opportunity to pull him into a hug while kissing his cheeks out of habit. Your French instructor wanted everyone to greet the people in your class with “La bise” and Nikolai would throw a fit if you didn’t greet him with kisses everyday while you were there. It's kind of been ingrained in your muscle memory for a year now. Fyodor's eyes widened as he tensed slightly but you didn’t notice.

“Fedya I've missed you so much!” You nuzzled into him. This was the best welcome home you could have imagined. “How? How did you know I would be here?”

“Nikolai sent me a letter. He wanted to be here for the reunion but his father wanted him to extend his trip. I had a feeling you would be lonely.” he pulled away patting your hair. As you waited for Sigma you both talked about your adventures abroad. Right as Sigma's plane landed he pulled out a small box.

“In the excitement I nearly forgot. Merry Christmas.”

You stared back at the box frantically. You had forgotten to bring back gifts! Opening the box you revealed a gorgeous locket. “Oh Fyodor, it's beautiful but I don't have anything to give you.”

His hand delicately touched yours as he moved to put it on you. “Well then in exchange for something equally as beautiful, you'll simply have to dance for me.”

You were taken aback by his words as he stood up to greet Sigma. Apparently you were so flustered Sigma even mentioned how red in the face you were. Fyodor only chuckled as you all made your way back to the manor.

After returning from the study abroad classes went back to normal. Only now you would often go out of your way to greet Chuuya since you were both good friends now. On Valentine’s day he asked if you could speak with him in private.

“I'm not one to beat around the bush so I'll just come out and say it.” Chuuya pulled out a box of chocolates and handed it to you. “I like you and after the study abroad I realized I miss hanging out with you all the time.”

You stared back at Chuuya like a deer in headlights. This was really unexpected. You got along just fine but you didn't think it was anything special. You thought Chuuya was a fine gentleman but you don't feel the same way. Ultimately it didn't feel like how you felt for Fyodor and that's not Chuuya’s fault. 

“Oh Chuuya I'm flattered but-”

He held up his hand. “I needed to confess for my sake even if you did return the feelings so don't be goin’ and apologizing for things out of your control.” Chuuya sighed in defeat “You already have a crush right?”

You didn’t know how to respond to that but you felt eyes burning a hole in your skull causing you to turn around. 

“You can come out of hiding now, I know you're there!”

When Fyodor didn’t want to be found he would climb on top of the roof's entryway and lay there watching the clouds. This was the first time anyone's found him out. He smiled of course you'd notice him. Fyodor was about to sit up when another voice joined the group.

“You found me!~” Dazai cheered in a sing-songy tune as he bounced over to the redhead's side.

Chuuya took a step back. “Hah!? Dazai what the hell? I told you not to follow me!”

“But Chuuya was hiding a box of chocolates. I thought they were for me. Plus it's not following If I showed up here first!” Dazai approached you, taking your hand to give it a kiss. “My sweet belladonna, when did you notice I was here?”

To be honest you were dumbstruck when it was Dazai who came out of hiding “I didn't, I was actually talking about Nikolai. You outed yourself.” Whenever you had the unnerving feeling of being watched Nikolai was always somewhere close by. It was something you surprisingly became accustomed to. 

At first it scared the living daylights out of you. Someone had been following you and you didn’t know if it was a stalker, kidnapper or what. When you expressed your concerns to Nikolai he said that he'd been following you all day but he never saw anyone else watching you. You only laughed at the absurdity. That's when Nikolai started wearing a strong cologne that you swore could be smelled from a mile away. It was less unnerving knowing Kolya was just trying to make sure you were safe, in his own weird way. Bizarre, slightly creepy but ultimately sweet because he's one of your best friends and has come to your rescue once before.

Fyodor frowned, crossing his arms, he should have realized sooner what that smell was but it was fairly breezy and faint enough to disregard. Now that he thought about it he did recall the door opening twice before, but he assumed that the second time he heard the door it was someone leaving. He's relieved that he didn't make his presence known but he does wonder how the two taller men were hiding up until this point. He supposed it didn't matter as long as he stayed quiet but he fears his hiding spot may end up being compromised.

Nikolai ruffled your hair, appearing seemingly out of thin air. “As expected of my little dove,” He paused leaning down into your personal space “Although I was not expecting to hear you have a little crush. Should I be worried they'll steal you away from me.~” 

Nikolai teased you as you rolled your eyes pushing him away. Dazai looked up at the top of the entrance briefly before asking “It's Fyodor right? The one you have a crush on.”

You tensed. Stupid waste of bandages. Of course the person from the detective club would figure it out. You were about to deny the allegations when Nikolai grabbed your hands laughing. “Good luck with that! Knowing Dos-kun, I should be giving you my blessing!”

You groaned “I never said it was Fyodor.”

“You didn’t have to.” Dazai interjected “You always bring handmade chocolates for him each year even though no one can find him outside of class.” Dazai waved his hand around, flourishing his explanation.

Correction, every year, since middle school to be exact. You made chocolate for both Fyodor and Nikolai but while Kolya gladly received the offer you've never actually given it to Fyodor personally. Since this was your last year before university you were determined to find him but then Chuuya confronted you and it turned into this mess.

Dazai pulled out said box of chocolates from his blazer. “When did you!-” You cut yourself off to look through your belongings. Sure enough it was missing. “Whether or not those chocolates are for him is no one's business but mine.” You tried to grab for the box but Dazai held it up higher, smirking. 

Nikolai hugged you from behind resting his chin on your shoulder, preventing you from actually grabbing the chocolate. “Awwwww,” He pouted. “I thought I was special, I take back my blessing. I don't want to share you with Fyodor anymore!”

Turning your attention back to Nikolai you huffed. “That's a first, usually you're thrilled. Did you hit your head or something?” Brushing the hair out of his face you pressed your forehead against his. It was a little warm but not enough to cause concern but maybe you should bring him to the nurse just in case. Nikolai only stared back at you in disbelief. No witty remarks, no silly gags, just a far off stare. His shift in demeanor went unnoticed by you.

“Yeah maybe you should lay down for a bit.” You were still completely ignoring the fact that Dazai had your gift meant for Fyodor. Sigma has complained about Dazai's antics about as much, if not more than Nikolai's. While he's not a bad guy you still wonder what his goal was. As Fyodor's chronic chess partner there was probably no point trying to figure it out. You'd have to leave it be for now and wait to see if anything comes up later.

As Dazai watched you leave with a suddenly non verbal Nikolai. He grinned up at the rooftop. “It would be a shame for these to go to waste but with your name written on them? I'm afraid they might be too bitter for my tastes.”

Fyodor finally showed himself, leaning over the edge. “Then why get involved? I hardly see the merit in your little show.”

“Let's call it an intervention.” Dazai walked up to him waving the chocolate infront of the russian. “Why keep such a distance if the feelings are clearly mutual?”

Fyodor sighed, grabbing the box. “Again I fail to see why it is any of your concern.” 

His concern was not about the feelings being mutual, Fyodor was always thinking of what could possibly express his feelings on white day. After a lot of thought he determined that gifting you land or a country would be sufficient, but doing so for years in a row would ruin the sentiment and he's aware that you are the sentimental type. Not to mention with your current age and relationship status, it would be misconstrued. So why bother? Fyodor was a patient man and he wanted his profession of love to be perfect.

Dazai chuckled to himself. “I don't think you'd understand even if I told you but let's just say,” He hummed putting his hand under his chin “You're not the only one interested in the Sigma family.” He offered a cheeky grin to the other who was clearly uninterested.

Dazai is right. Fyodor doesn’t understand nor is he that concerned either. The plan has already been set in motion and he wouldn't need to wait much longer. Although like he predicted earlier his spot was now compromised. Which is somewhat troublesome. He'll need to find a new place to hide in the future. Fyodor sighed but didn’t say anything more and left the other two on the roof. He had no business with either of them anyways.

“Hey jackass, are we done here?” 

Chuuya crossed his arms walking up to his partner. When Dazai had approached him earlier even he wasn't sure what the mackerel's plans were but Chuuya wasn't too concerned. It's been hard for everyone in their grade level to watch (Y/N) pine after that anemic bastard for years. Honestly he felt bad but it's not his problem. He wondered if Dazai had the impulse to help or if he was plotting something else.

___

“I've talked it over with Dostoevsky, and after watching you over the years I can only assume you feel the same about this.” He chuckled  a little too giddy for your liking. “We’ve decided that you and Fyodor are to be betrothed and will marry upon graduation!” Your father said it with a big smile despite your clearly shocked expression. Your mind was going a mile a minute with the sudden news. This was probably the worst case scenario. Sure your dad’s heart was in the right place, you knew he would do anything for his little girl but this was pushing the envelope even for him. Did he really have to get involved with your love life? 

“We wanted to make the announcements at the beginning of the year but we thought it best to hold it off until finals were complete since they moved them up a great deal from past years. Although we’ve been mulling this decision over since you were kids, oh how the time flies. My little girl is all grown up now!”

He engulfed you in a hug but what you thought should have been warm comforting words only stirred the dread in your stomach. Since you were kids? Did Fyodor know about this? Is that why no one could ever find him on Valentine’s day, because he knew you were engaged. The more you think about it the more confused it makes you. If that was the case wouldn’t he have talked to you about it or does that mean he didn’t have a say in the engagement either? Would he even want to get married, let alone to you? 

It seemed your father was ignoring your visible distress and was continuing on about the wedding plans. All things you thought you would have a final say in but it seems he’s already done most of the work with that as well. A ring was placed in your hand and you were to start wearing it tomorrow as would Fyodor. This was really happening. By the time you left his office you were at a loss for words.

Sigma caught up to you as you were making your way through the halls and you showed him the ring on your finger.

“I’m engaged to Fyodor.” It was still sinking in and part of you wanted to scream with joy but only just. The other half of you knew that it didn’t matter since Fyodor clearly didn’t feel the same way. If he did want to marry you surely he would have proposed to you himself instead of letting your fathers' make the declaration. Fyodor knows how much of a hopeless romantic you were for that kind of thing and you know how much the other craves control. Thinking back is that why he gave you his first kiss? Now you were even more embarrassed about that night. 

Sigma looked at you with an incredulous look. He’s known about your crush for years but hasn’t said anything because it’s really not his place to say. “I would say congratulations but you look like you're about to cry and that doesn’t exactly bode well for me at the moment. On either front.” He opened his arms for a hug as you flopped into them. “Why? Did father ask to see you as well?”

“Unfortunately yes and if that’s what he called you in for I can only imagine what business he has with me. For all I know I’ll be arranged to marry Nikolai.” He grimaced just thinking about it. Nothing against Nikolai but he tends to drive Sigma up a wall with his spontaneity. “But that’s not important, why is my dear sister upset? I thought you were madly in love with Fyodor?”

You froze. “Our fathers’ have apparently been planning this for years,” you grew quiet, exponentially embarrassed and flabbergasted that your family knew. “Are my feelings really that obvious?”

Sigma sighs rubbing your back “To everyone but Fyodor it seems. Either that or he doesn’t want to bring it up? You can never tell with him.” You pulled away. That wasn’t very reassuring but it was better, not, to think about it before you talk to the russian in question. Who knows your dad did say that after observing you both it seemed like a logical conclusion, maybe the feelings were mutual. Otherwise you were going to feel like shit knowing that you’re basically taking advantage of him and that your entire marriage would be a sham and just a front for your parents business ventures. 

Now that you’re no longer in the room groveling in embarrassment, you're pretty sure he said something about desiring an heir. Although you don’t want to think about that at all, in fact the thought mortifies you all together. It just makes you feel nauseous without confirming Fyodor’s feelings because what if he views you like a sister and you were expected to make a lovechild together. This was going to keep you up all night. Would Fyodor even bat an eye at the circumstances? You tried to ignore the train of thought pushing less than innocent images of your crush out of your head. It was only the beginning of the weekend but you were already dreading going back to class.

Sure enough when Monday came around it’s all you heard people talking about. Your engagement. The entire student body was in an uproar because you both came to school wearing matching rings. Well, it was that and an article about your family’s merger and that it was rumored to be due to the young love shared between you and Fyodor. Which was a bunch of bullshit that your fathers’ had planned for better business. Honestly you don’t know if it was smart or stupid of them. Although now many things from your childhood started to click into place beginning with your first playdate. You didn’t know what to make of it and you didn’t want to think about it anymore. It was too much for you and you wanted to rip the bandaid off.

When the bell rang you didn’t get up from your desk immediately, you were too tired from agonizing over what you would even say to Fyodor. You rested your head. Arriving at school had been a constant flood of peers congratulating you on your engagement. Girls were telling you that you were so lucky to be marrying one of the most handsome boys the school had to offer. It reminded you that despite Fyodor’s cold personality he seemed to garner a lot of popularity with the opposite gender. So many of these girls, who you've never seen before in your life, were coming up to you expressing their crushes for your fiance and how if they were to lose their chances it should be to you. This all felt like some elaborate prank.

You were dragged out of your thoughts when the murmurs from the hall fell silent. Slowly you turned your head to see Fyodor with a semi uncomfortable expression. It must be from all the attention the two of you were getting. His arm was extended as if he was about to pat your head but he continued to reach out offering to assist you out of your seat. Your eyes were trained on the ring on his finger. It suited him well and even matched your own despite the designs being different. Looking at your own, you only now realize how perfectly it was tailored to your personal liking. It matched the locket you've been wearing everyday. The one that Fyodor gave to you after returning from the study abroad. You wonder who picked out the ring if it matched the locket. Surely not your father. Maybe the Dostoevsky’s had a favorite jeweler they work with. Was that a mere coincidence?

Glancing up at Fyodor again you swallowed hard. This was the first time you've seen him since the engagement. You avoided his eyes directly as the heat started to spread to your face. In turn you didn’t get to witness how Fyodor’s expression softened immensely, finally being in your presence.

“How was your trip?” 

You had tried to get a hold of him when your father told you the news but Nikolai informed you that his father was taking him to attend a business conference out of town and you didn’t want to pester him because it sounded important.

“As expected of a last minute venture.” 

He frowned that you were hesitant to take his hand. Now that you were engaged, Fyodor didn’t feel the need to hold back some of his physical urges towards you. It baffled him that you weren't reciprocating like your usual persona. 

“You haven’t been sleeping well, shall I escort you to the nurse?”

His tone was indecipherable as always. You sighed, grabbing his hand flashing your matching ring to him as he gently brought it to his mouth to place a kiss to the silver band. The action made your heart jump as you looked at him with wide eyes. You could hear the chatter of your classmates resume in the distance. He must be playing it up for the audience but it still managed to fluster you. 

“That's  not necessary!” You exclaimed bashfully before calmly adding. “I-I haven’t been but it's not that important. I, uh, do you mind if we go somewhere else?”

“Of course not my dear. As you wish.”

Your hand burned as he ushered you away from the crowds to the roof. The term of endearment made your heart flutter again. Fyodor checked if there was anyone else around before he motioned for you to sit with him.

Without hesitation you blurted out the demand that has been on your mind. 

“You have to break the engagement.”

Fyodor blinked a few times before retaliating, wholeheartedly unsure as to why you would want him to do so. 

“My my, I've been gone for three days and my fiance has had enough of me.”

The words were exhilarating to say out loud. He had been waiting years to call you his fiance, even though at the moment you appeared distraught. Fyodor shook his head playfully, smiling at you as you huffed. 

“This isn't funny Fyodor, I'm being serious.”

“As am I. Why should I break the engagement? If you have a problem you should take that up with your father?” 

He was trying to avoid how hurt he was at the notion. What happened to your feelings for him? He couldn't possibly have misjudged those could he? Dazai even confirmed them to be mutual unless that was his angle all along. That rat bastard sticking his nose in other people's business. If it wasn't frowned upon he would have him shot, stabbed, drowned and then shot again but this time by Chuuya for meddling.

The way Fyodor spoke so nonchalantly was unnerving to you. How could he be so unbothered? “I tried but he's planned everything to the letter. I didn't even get to choose my dress! So you need to be the one to break it off.” It's bothered you all weekend and kept you up at night. The only way to find out Fyodor's true feelings for you was to see how he reacts to you trying to stop your inevitable marriage.

Fyodor raises an eyebrow before wearing a very careful expression. It was actually Fyodor who made most of those decisions for the wedding. In the back of his mind he was worried that his father would deny his proposal if he didn't see any promise. Nikolai never had a problem being openly affectionate towards you and he knows your father had noticed that as well. Fyodor wanted to make sure he still had a chance to be considered a valuable suitor. He was thinking that at some point you would get to weigh in on the final plans anyhow. He favored being meticulous about those kinds of details, however he must admit that maybe for this instance he might have gone overboard but you deserved the world and Fyodor wanted to provide as much as possible. 

“Is that why you haven't slept? You should try to rest while it's still free period. Our discussion can wait until you are in the right mind.” 

He sounded concerned as he started taking his blazer off while pulling you into his lap. For the first time he didn’t know what to say to make you feel better. His body more or less moved on its own craving the closeness to ease the sting of you not wanting to marry him. What happened while he was gone? Did Nikolai make a move or did someone else capture your heart? Again he immediately blames Dazai for getting involved. Fyodor kissed your forehead holding you possessively against his chest. Where did he go wrong? His plan to win over the adults worked out perfectly. Why were you suddenly giving so much push back?

You were awestruck at the action letting Fyodor move you as he draped his blazer around like a blanket. It felt like this was a dream like you would wake up from this fairytale that your brain knew you craved. The kiss to the forehead plus the way you were sitting, you've always wanted to sit with him like this but it was too good to be real. Since when was he so physically affectionate? It made your heart clench, it was all just an act. Your head was killing you from working overtime. Despite it all you still felt overwhelmingly safe in Fyodor's arms and your eyes fell closed as you got comfortable. You loved him but you hate this.

After a beat Fyodor spoke. “We couldn't break the engagement even if we wanted to, not without destroying the reputations of our family names while we're at it. Would it really be that torturous to be my wife?” 

His words were as logical as ever. At least some things never change.

You didn’t have the strength to reply but you knew he was right. Although his voice sounded strange, you couldn't put a finger on why. The wording was odd even for Fyodor but like he said earlier you probably weren't thinking straight. You nuzzled into him further, not thinking much of it and drifted off to sleep. You already got your answer anyhow. Fyodor doesn’t love you the same way you love him. That was the only explanation. He cares for you deeply but you doubt he loves you as more than friends. It would hurt you if you weren't already prepared for this outcome. You've known for years that he just wasn't the romantic type and maybe that’s why it was so easy to crush on him, because you knew you never had a chance. 

Love, romance, affection? Those were all ideas you wanted. Things you craved to have but the vulnerability that comes with it terrifies you. To lay yourself bare in another's trust. It's why you push Nikolai away as well. He loves you so much and you're mortified to take a leap of faith even though you know he would catch you. He always has.

___

Part 3 coming soon

Tagslist: @skullyz1 , @tttttttf , @ayameshu

[thefirstlioveyou]

i think the one of the many reasons why mike’s monologue to will in s2 is more believable/genuine than the one to el in s4 is because he doesn’t paint out meeting will as something meant to be, or love at first sight, or destiny.

we would never really know who wrote the tweet where the st writers say they do not believe in love at first sight, it could’ve been anyone since apparently sometimes it’s not even the writers tweeting, if im correct? but, it’s still important to include anyway because the writing shows it still.

mike explicitly admits to will that meeting el was not destiny or fate, but pure dumb luck. in other words, there was no higher power driving them to be together no matter where they were in the world. it was just by chance. he then goes on to say that he only brought her in the house because she just needed someone, not that he magically fell in love - which is what he later contradicts by saying that he had immediately loved her in that moment. he lied. in s1, his first words when he sees el for the first time are quite literally, “it’s not will.” he initially planned to send her to an asylum after finding will.

that, plus the writer account saying they do not believe in love at first sight, shows that mike’s monologue to el in s4 is a load of bs.

mike’s monologue to will in s2 does the exact opposite, which is why it’s more believable.

not only does he not have to say ‘i love you’ to say ‘i love you,’ but in this scene, he does not give the universe credit for meeting will. there was no ‘destiny’ involved; he just happened to see will just as alone as he was and they bonded over it. mike emphasizes that it was his concious choice to approach and ask will to be his friend. he quite literally ends the monologue by saying, “it was the best thing i’ve ever done.” he gives himself the credit.

it was the best thing he ever done because of the life he’s lived with will. he did not know in that moment he met will that it was going to be best thing he’d ever done, he didn’t know how much he’d love him, he didn’t know the chaos that’d eventually come. all he knew was that he finally had a friend, and that’s what makes it so genuine and pure. the love grew naturally.

there was no love at first sight, because the writers do not believe in that, nor does the writing itself. jopper was not love at first sight, their love took time. lumax was something that both didn’t expect. jancy was something both didn’t expect either, one already being in a relationship and simply sharing her condolences and the other a rejected loner with set opinions on others.

the only one that didn’t follow this formula was mike and eleven. mike didn’t consider el in a romantic way at all until lucas told him that he should “just marry her already.” (ep2 or 3, i forgot). it was reallyyy early on. there was nothing natural compared to the others. mike felt he had to just because she is a girl and his friends said so.

i mean look at the face he makes right before he even kisses her the first time (after comparing her to family):

el sees mike as her caretaker in s1. mike is the first to provide any real care and shelter. but, she’s traumatized. she clings and follows on to the first person to show her real care. i don’t even think she saw him in a romantic way either until he kissed her. because she sees him as a caretaker, she follows through with it like she has to. now i do think there was some sort of eventual romantic feelings for mike on el’s side later in the series, but it’s not a healthy type. it’s a very skewed perspective due to trauma.

the only other relationship that does follow the same formula is mike and will.

they are endgame.

gootbye 🫶

[rox-of-iu]

just another one of the many, many NPC Shen Yuan AU's out there

this one is an author SY in PIDW, bingyuan flavoured very briefly about it under the cut if u wanna

ok like i said i'll go over kust the brief basic stuff cuz I'm not good with words. but basically its sy dropped in pidw like, mid endgame ig, with already blackened protag and no system. so he's like, this might as well happen and goes to vibe and explore bc he's been dropped with the basic necessities to live for a bit. after some time he realizes he's in PIDW and after the initial outrage decides to capitalize on it and uses knowledge from his days spent editing the pidw wiki for fun. so he's running along having fun cataloguing things into several bestiaries and herbals (and cartography stuff etc just compiling worldbuilding) and decides to publish them with an actual success and he becomes a bit of a well-known author in the encyclopedia scene. so he's living out his best life, traveling from place to place, using his meta timeline knowledge to stay clear of the places that are plot-relevant at the time, happy to stay clear out of the path of his blackened blorbo.

that is until someone publishes a binghe biography that is so bad and so 'conquests' focused that he cant help but write his own (leaving out too personal things that he's sure lbh wouldn't want out there) under a pseudonym as a deliberate critique of the other one, which he even clearly states in the prologue of it (that the work is a disservice and disrespectful to the lord and wives alike and much more flowery vitriol, just letting his old angry commenter out)

so its published and it doesnt actually do half-bad because over the years of writing he has gotten pretty decent and that's it for a while. Until it gets to the demon lord. it gets brought to his attention by his court which takes care of notifying him of any possibly slanderous works (lbh doesn't actually care that much about stuff like that but they insist on it and its less tiresome to just let them do whatever than to keep telling them off) so they're like, there's one book, which isn't technically, a critique of the lord, but does criticise the other one which sings praises to him to all heavens so?? technically? (lbh knows of the first one but thought nothing of it bc it was mid and mostly inaccurate but again, he doesn't acre about that stuff rly) so they hand it over and he skims through it and slowly realizes that there is a lot of things that no-one or just a select few should have any idea about so, ok much more concerning than any bad portrayal of his person, even if nothing actually too-secret didn't get exposed in it. its about the principle. so he first conducts a search of his palace and his circle of people if the author is any of the people around because, who else could know about all this (trying to ignore the stuff that no-one except from him should be aware off) but it turns out with no results. so he orders his people to try to find them but the lands are vast and there's authors of plenty so of course that is also almost impossible.

what i think would be funny tho is if liu mingyan was like can I take a look/help, skimmed through it and was oh yeah I've seen this before and is able to trace it back to sy because he used unconsciously a modified phrase from his previous world that is not at all common here that he already used in one of his previous works (or maybe in an angry review of a novel, to scratch that forum commenter itch, that'd be maybe more probable for my to come across) so she notices that immediately because the first time she saw it she was left puzzled so she was sure it has to be most likely the same person again. and so bingge is set to go get his man hsdakhj

idk rly about the rest, maybe he finds him in a forest sketching down demonic beasts so he shapeshifts and a demon hound to get to him and spy on him (idk if he can but he's op so I say he can) or maybe he just comes over and invites himself him Idk. and the plan at first was just to squeeze the information out of this pesky scholar of how he knows about the shit he knows so he doesn't have to stress about it, but the plan turns into "ok new plan I'm keeping this one actually" sajdhkh and i didn't really think of what of next so thats that, whatever floats your boat is next cuz this is already a few days old so new brainrot took its daydream place haha xD

......wait thsi was supposed to be brief why is this wall of text here how did this happen (also I'm not rereading it so if it doesn't make sense I'm sorry lol)

[raveneira]

Will Boruto knowing about everything Sumire did for him changes the way he looks at her? I mean as of now he does know that Sumire is unaffected but he doesn't seem to have react much...or maybe he has a lot on his plate right now and simply has no time for romantic thoughts. I'm just curious how Boruto will fall for Sumire if they were to be endgame...what would be the trigger and how would it start?

Well for Boruto what we've seen consistently in both the anime and manga is that Boruto tends to have a strong reaction towards Sumire being in danger, despite acting casually with her for the most part, Sumire's safety is when he reacts differently.

In the anime when she got hurt in an explosion he freaked out and ran to her in the hospital immediately, in the anime he bowed to her and apologized and blamed himself for what happened while in the manga it says he actually cried in that moment. Metal Lee also got similarly hurt but Boruto didn't really react at all, but for Sumire he almost had a full on panic attack.

During the whole Nue conflict Boruto threw himself in danger for her sake multiple times, he got between her and Mitsuki despite her trying to blow up his village, he followed her to Nues dimension despite Mitsuki saying its dangerous, he once again stopped Mitsuki and Sumire from fighting and getting stabbed in the arm in the process, and he refuses to give up on Sumire no matter what she says and wouldn't leave until she took his hand, this is also the first time he ever calls her by name instead of class rep to show his sincerity, which was the final push that undid the Gozu Tennou.

Afterwards when Sumire is facing consequences for what she did, Boruto was furious when he heard Inojin saying Sumire wasn't coming back, he even did something he never does and actually went to his father for help, even though during this time he was on really bad terms with his father, he set aside his pride to beg him to not punish Sumire. In the end Boruto was happy when Sumire was allowed to come back, even though he was too shy to go celebrate with everyone else, he still flashed her a supportive smile to let her know he's glad she's back, which moved Sumire to tears and is most likely when she fell for him.

During the Jugo arc Boruto was furious when he saw what Suigetsu did to Sumire and said he wouldn't forgive him for hurting her

He had a similar reaction when Kawaki kicked the tray of food away and knocking Sumire back

In this case he actually physically hurt Kawaki and had to be stopped, that's how mad he was at him for hurting her that he didn't even realize he was hurting him.

He holds a grudge against Kawaki again for hurting Sumire a second time.

In the manga he hasnt had many chances to interact with Sumire unfortunately but that's not much different than Naruto's lack of interactions with Hinata, who he is now married to with 2 kids so that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Even so we see in the manga that he still has the same reaction in regards to Sumire's safety specifically. He only cared about Ada mentioning Sumire and had no reaction to her requesting Sarada also, just Sumire, and he also only checked in with Sumire to make sure if she was ok with it, he was even nervous about her being alone in the room with Ada and Sarada.

Not to bring BoruSara into this because their irrelevant, but I gotta briefly mention them to make the point.

In TBV Boruto has had no different of a reaction to Sarada than he has Sumire, he treats Sarada with the same stoicism and apathy he does Sarada, the only times he's smiled so far have been to Mitsuki and making fun of Sarada for hugging him which is just his usual personality, but overall he's remained serious and focused on the task at hand without getting distracted.

Its SARADA who has to make the first move, not Boruto, if she didn't hug him then Boruto would've continued to keep his distance and explain the situation, as you saw after the hug he just sat down on a bench in silence waiting for one of them to speak.

This is why Boruto makes fun of her for hugging him, because it was unexpected, he came there to explain what happened to her father and what the new threats are, a 'touching reunion' was the last thing on his mind, so it surprised him when Sarada hugged him rather than letting him finish, which again explains the awkward silence afterwards that Sumire had to break.

Now getting back to Boruto and Sumire, just like Sarada, Sumire is the one who has to initiate, which seems to be a pattern with Boruto in the timeskip currently. Boruto at the moment has total tunnel vision, his focus is entirely on freeing Sasuke and everyone else, defeating the new threats, and reconciling with Kawaki.

Romance, affection etc is the furthest thing from his mind right now, which is why I must mention again that he made fun of Sarada for hugging him, because even he thought that was weird given the current situation, its not like he didn't appreciate the affection, but Boruto's focus is just on an entirely different goal that's way more important. (As you see after teasing her he goes right back to being serious and focusing on the task at hand)

So thats why Boruto doesnt have much reaction to Sumire either, as poorly written as it is for him not to be even a little surprised at her being unaffected, but his lack of reaction is consistent with his lack of reaction to pretty much everything up till this point, his mind is somewhere else, he cant think about catching up with old friends when there's way more important things that needs dealing with, it doesn't mean he doesn't care or cant/wont develop feelings for Sumire, it just means he cant think about that RIGHT NOW.

As much as I hate comparing Sasuke to Boruto even a little bit, Boruto and him ARE similar in that regard, their goals are more important than their potential love interest, it doesn't mean he has no feelings for her or wont have any for her later, he just has his priorities somewhere else right now.

So to answer your question of how do I think Boruto will fall for her...well tbh I think he already has some spark of feelings towards her that he's just unaware of atm, his strong feelings of anger and worry when it comes to Sumire's wellbeing that he doesnt show towards anyone else is a pretty strong hint that his feelings for her go deeper than the rest.

Even if he doesnt have feelings for her yet, then I believe the turning point will be him seeing Sumire badly hurt by these new threats, which may end up happening soon since shes going to the battlefield and Boruto is on his way there as well. If he sees Sumire in danger or badly hurt, then we should see something similar, but not exact, to Naruto seeing Pain 'kill' Hinata in the Pain arc.

Now I could be wrong and that doesn't happen but lets assume it does, then we're going to see Boruto snap somehow someway, his karma has already begun to react due to Kawaki's resonating with his so he's already on the brink of losing control, if he goes there and sees something happen to Sumire then he might lose it, but that's all speculation.

Im sure others might argue this might be what happens to Sarada since her tree dad is targeting her and Boruto would react that way to her instead and yea, fair, its a possibility, I mean if you had put Sakura in Hinata's place Naruto would've reacted the same way too, but the key thing is author intent. Just because another possibility CAN happen doesn't mean that the author intends the same thing, if Kishimoto was really trying to push NaruSaku endgame then he would've 100% made that moment happen with Sakura instead but he didn't, he specifically had it be Hinata because that was his true intent, so the same applies to Boruto here.

It doesnt matter if Boruto would have the same reaction if it were Sarada, he'd react the same to Mitsuki too, the key is the authors intent, and if they're trying to push BoruSumi then they will have a snap moment over Sumire. Thats not to say he cant ever snap over anyone else but again, the key is the authors intent, and you will always see the difference in the framing and execution of what the author intends to be endgame and whats the red herring/platonic.

For example, Naruto snapping for Gaara and Sasuke was totally different than how Naruto snapped for Hinata, the executions and framing were completely different despite the conclusion being the same, Naruto going semi Kurama in a fit of rage, but you can tell by the framing and execution of each one which is platonic and which is romantic.

Naruto snapping over Hinata comes right after she confesses her love to him and tried to fight Pain to protect him while he was helpless to stop it

Naruto snaps over Gaara because the Akatsuki killed him and he related to his pain as a fellow jinchuriki being hunted the same way

Naruto snapped over Sasuke because Haku 'killed' him and Sasuke was willing to die to protect him despite always being at each others throats, seeing Sasuke truly cared for him and was willing to give everything up to die for him made him snap

All of these involves someone close to Naruto 'dying' and him snapping because of it, but only one has clear romantic connotations, so the same will apply to Boruto here.

Whether he snaps for Sarada or Sumire is irrelevant, what'll matter is the framing and execution of it, will it be a platonic scenario or a romantic one? we don't know until we see, so Im placing my bet on that for the time being.

They already copied the Pain arc in the first 5 chapters with the invasion, MC beating the big bad while everyone else stays back and tends to the villagers, unexpected hug by the FMC as the love interest watches, so it really isn't far fetched that they'd copy the snap moment from that arc as well.

[justalittlebluetiefling]

Who asked me for almost 18.5k words on Steve and Nancy from Stranger things? No one? Just me? That’s fine. This was how I wanted to spend my time the last two weeks anyway.

I’m not great at introductions. I’ll just start this off with a bold thesis statement: Nancy and Steve have been intended as an endgame couple since season two. “Erin,” you might be saying, “season two is a stretch. They broke up so she could be with someone else,” while you not-so-secretly think that I’m losing it. To which I would point out that, yes, Jonathan and Nancy were one hundred percent intended to be the endgame couple at first. However, things shifted when they decided to keep Steve alive and give him his own character arc and development. They were turning Steve into someone that could be a good partner for Nancy and it doesn’t make a lot of narrative sense for them not to come back to each other in the end.

I’m getting away from myself. My point is that doing an immediate rewatch of the entire series after season four came out, I could see the shift that I hadn’t noticed before, so I want to talk about it by dissecting almost all of their interactions in every season with so many screenshots, because that’s just the kind of person I am.

Disclaimer: I just like picking apart narratives for fun. If you disagree/don’t ship it/hate me for writing this, that’s fun for you, but if you don’t have something constructive to add, let it die. There will be some talk about Jonathan and Nancy’s relationship in here as well, because it’s important to the narrative, but all the talk will be serving the thesis statement above. (I’ll also probably repeat points a few times because this is long and I lose track of things like that. And this is BARELY proofread by me, so I’m sorry.)

Season One

1x1

We get a few things from this episode.

Nancy is into Steve, but trying not to get her hopes up.

Our first glimpse into the Wheeler marriage. They are very obviously nowhere close to being on the same page.

It really is fun to go back and see Nancy with a crush. Just a girl with a crush on the popular boy and she’s really really trying to be cool about it. I mean, saying, “He likes me, but not like that,” while she can’t not smile the entire time?

We know Nancy is trying not to get her hopes up, so it’s nice that she has a friend here who knows her worth.

And this also begs the question… how much has Barb been present for their interactions? Not at all at this point, right? That’s not an answer we’re going to get, but she seems pretty insistent that Nancy is downplaying things.

Which, okay, we shift over into the bathroom where Steve and Nancy are making out and he’s doing dumb things like smiling into the kiss and trying to make plans to hang out more. Make out more, under the guise of studying.

The big thing about Steve here is that we don’t know much about him and his motives at this point. It would be really easy to write him off as what he was intended to be in the original script. But you can see it here. The way he doesn’t know what to do with someone like Nancy. How she might be different from other girls he’s pursued and he’s a confident guy, but he can tell he’s in a little over his head.

There’s also a greater conversation to be had about Steve and how much he needs physical touch as comfort, but I’m not ready to dive into that yet (maybe not in this essay at all), so I’m going to put this here. Physical touch: 1

Again, like I said above, it would be easy to write him off, right? He helps her study and he does try to push things a little further than she wants. But he listens when she tells him to stop and they go back to studying. This is something that I’m going to bring up again, but here’s why this is important. What we’re seeing here is that Nancy is the one who is setting the pace of this relationship. Whether or not it’s a pace he’s happy with, he’s sticking around, because she is what he wants. And this matters to Nancy. She sees him respecting the boundaries she’s setting.

It’s a little hint for us, the viewers, too. Something important about his personality to file away for later. This way he pushes followed by the rapid (if reluctant, in this case) pivot. And it’s important that we see Nancy clocking this. Taking in the way that he is different from the persona he uses on a daily basis. Now, in the future, we know that he’s a sad, vulnerable guy who is putting on a show, but no one at school knows that. Still, it’s something he can be for a moment around Nancy, because what’s that thing they said about Steve and Nancy? How she listens to him in a way no one else has at this point and it makes him feel more comfortable revealing this other side of himself?

I don’t know. I’ll talk about this more later, because Steve really is a rollercoaster this season.

1x2

So, their next scene is kind of interesting. Barb is quizzing Nancy in the hall and Steve steals the flashcards and both Steve and Nancy don’t notice Tommy messing with Barb’s ear really quick? But there’s something about how Nancy is Steve’s primary focus. Barb is more of an accessory to her than an individual at this point in Steve’s mind.

But, and I’m just going to dive into season 3 knowledge really quick, we know that the school’s perception of Nancy (per Robin) is that she’s “such a priss.” She and Barb aren’t cool by any means. And Tommy’s being a dick to be a dick. In contrast with Steve here, who is kind of being a dick to get attention. Anyway, it’s a whole thing with him tolerating Barb because he likes Nancy, and then there’s the other layer where Tommy and Carol are tolerating Nancy, because they like Steve. But that tolerance doesn’t extend to Barb. Hell, it barely extends to Nancy. This is the first time we see them, right? And it’s a horrible introduction. They listen to Steve, but they don’t really care how much he likes this girl. They laugh at her and she knows they’re laughing at her and I mean, honestly, this is kind of another thing about him, right? His friends don’t like her. She’s not one of the popular girls. But he doesn’t flinch about pursuing her. It’s a whole thing I don’t know how to get into, especially when he later tells Robin that Tommy H would have laughed at him for going after a girl like her in school and he hated veering away from what was expected of him. When it seems like, at least here, his pursuing Nancy isn’t exactly “cool” either.

Okay, back on track. We also get one of our only pieces of insight into his family life. His dad is out of town and his mom went with him, because she doesn’t trust him. It’s this line he’s made into a throwaway comment, because the real focus here is he wants Nancy to come over to his unsupervised house, right? I mostly want to point this out, because I’m going to say something about my thesis statement. At this point, this is actually still Nancy and Jonathan’s story and this moment here is showing Steve seeing Nancy’s distress and trying to push immediately through to the fix. This is simplifying what he does a bit, but it’s behavior we’re seeing now for a reason (and behavior we’ll see again next season).

Nancy’s saved from answering when Jonathan shows up, putting up posters and Tommy and Carol start making fun of him from a distance. We do at least see Steve telling Tommy to shut up when he jokes about Jonathan killing his brother. It’s hard to tell if that’s for Nancy’s benefit or not. He’s clearly annoyed when she goes to talk to Jonathan. (And this, right on the tail of him revealing that his dad very obviously has been unfaithful to his mom.) I’m inclined to think it wasn’t for Nancy’s benefit, but I’m feeling generous as I’m writing this.

And we’re hopping in the timeline a bit, but let’s finish talking about Steve here for a sec. Based on the way Steve opens the door, I would assume that he knows Barb is coming, but he doesn’t look bothered in the slightest. In fact, he is just so happy that Nancy’s here that nothing else matters. I mean, look at these faces. Look how excited they are to spend time together in a house without adult supervision.

Which is a perfect segue back into Nancy herself. It’s still just fun seeing her act like a stereotypical teenager with stereotypical teenager worries for a minute. And in stereotypical teenager fashion, she is nervous to go to this “party” without a safety net, no matter how excited she is to hang out with Steve. And she’s so excited! Both Nancy and Barb both know what’s going to happen. Or what Nancy wants to happen.

Nancy is trying to pretend it’s not about that for her, but she’s already made up her mind. Barb knows her friend well enough to know what’s going on. She doesn’t feel like she belongs here, but she’s here because she’s a good friend.

This is about Steve and Nancy though, so I don’t need to dig too much into Barb here. I also can’t even say that we’ve all been in this situation, but it feels like it’s relatable. Like a lot of people have possibly been either the Nancy or the Barb (or both) at some point in their lives. That intoxicating feeling of being into someone new, someone who you really like. Or sitting off to the side, being the chaperone your friend requested, with no actual desire to be there.

Honestly, Nancy is trying to remember herself here. She tries to include Barb and it backfires. And Steve tries, because Nancy tries, and he wants Nancy to stay. But he’s also done this thing where he’s dialed down the excitement. His cool guy façade is back. He’s showing off and they’re teasing each other. We get to have our first glimpse of fearless Nancy and she looks so pleased with herself.

There is a task and she is going to prove she can do it.

The thing is, circling back to the chaperone who doesn’t want to be there is that… well, Barb doesn’t want to be there. She’s annoyed at Nancy. Annoyed at the whole situation, really. Steve directs her to the bathroom when she hurts herself. We see a shot (through Jonathan’s camera) of Nancy staring back at the house. We see another shot of Steve, closer to the house, staring in the direction Barb went. Possibly a little out of actual concern. More likely, though, he’s worried that if Barb needs to leave, Nancy will go, too.

But then there’s Tommy and Carol, who distract them from what’s serious. They shift the mood.

And it’s time to bump up this count here. Physical Touch: 2

Really, I could count the stuff in the pool, but that was different.

This is Steve, reaching out to rub Nancy’s shoulder and ask if she’s all right. They’re smiling at each other and just adorable as heck in general and enamored with each other.

I said I wasn’t going to dig too much into the Barb stuff, but I have to. I’ll dig more into the results later, but for now, here’s where we’re at. Nancy wants to stay.

And this is a version of Nancy that Barb doesn’t recognize. I don’t know. There are a lot of layers to this. I know we’re meant to see this as Nancy acting in a way that’s out of her character here, because her best friend is telling her that this isn’t her. BUT. The things we know about Nancy now don’t line up with that interpretation.

This all brings me back to my point in the very brief introduction. How Jonathan and Nancy are meant to be the endgame couple right now. There is actually a parallel to this moment later this season that will point that out in more detail. Really, it can be explained away by growth in general. People grow and change and this may be out of Nancy’s character now but enough of her is recognizable here that I’m starting to talk in circles.

Let me get back on track. Nancy knows what she wants to do. She’s made up her mind. She tries to send Barb home, but Barb decides not to go, because she doesn’t want to abandon Nancy.

Physical touch: 3

I’m still not entirely sure where I’m going with the physical touch thing here, except it’s something Steve seems to do when he’s both offering and seeking comfort with Nancy. It may be as simple as that. And if that’s what we attribute it to, then I do think they’re both nervous here. Nancy is obviously more nervous. She’s gotten herself up here and it’s a big choice she’s making. But there’s also the Steve of it all, who has finally gotten Nancy Wheeler in his fucking bedroom and based on the way he looks at her, I’m not sure he was convinced he ever would.

And this is where I’ll come back to the other part of that point from my intro. They changed Steve. They made this a monumental moment for him, too, which is ultimately what throws a wrench into their plans for Jonathan. I mean, when she was supposed to be a notch in his belt, it would have worked. But instead, he’s soft with her. He’s worried about her feeling comfortable here, so he turns away when she asks. He turns back when she asks. He lets her set the pace and it means something when she wants to move forward.

1x3

Continuing right from the last moment, because the episode does, he checks in with her and she pushes things forward. The message here is hard to miss: Nancy abandoning her friend for Steve. They’re overlaying Barb’s death with Nancy and Steve having sex for the first time. The fucking shot of Steve gripping Nancy’s hand right next to the shot of Barb clinging to the pool ladder? Absolutely tragic.

They start forcing a disconnect between Steve and Nancy this episode. I don’t mean that in a way that it felt forced. I mean that they pile it on to make it feel worse. This was Nancy’s first time having sex and she’s justifiably feeling insecure afterward. Not only does Steve not wake up, but Barb is gone and Nancy has to walk home alone in the dark. (Season 4 Steve would never.) To top it all off, we know that Steve’s past hookups haven’t exactly been secret, so when she walks into school the next day, of course she’s going to be worried. But here’s where they put another wrench in their original plans. Steve cares that she knows that it mattered to him. He doesn’t ignore her. He comes up to say hi to her and then he picks up on her discomfort and immediately reassures her when she expresses her concerns to him. I had to make a gif for this moment, because like, come one. This isn’t the face of someone who doesn’t give a shit.

That is a relieved sigh that morphs into a fond look, because she believes him when he says he didn’t tell anyone.

For a minute, everything is okay. They’re both happy.

He kisses her in public and looks at her like this in public and it’s really just the sweetest. Nancy feels better. She’s happy. She doesn’t feel like a number.

Forgive me. I need a moment to mourn how cute and happy they are with their regular lives for a second. Not that everything would have been perfect for them if the Upside Down stuff didn’t happen and obviously they wouldn’t exist without the drama that happens the next four seasons, but damn. They’re cute and smitten and it’s all about to blow up.

Okay, I’m ready to move on.

During lunch, Nancy still hasn’t been able to find Barb and she goes to sit with Steve, Tommy, and Carol. There’s something really cute about how Steve leans into her almost as soon as she sits down next to him. And how Nancy leans into him. I’m actually really tempted to add this to the physical touch count, but it doesn’t quite meet the parameters I haven’t decided on yet.

Honestly, the other hilarious thing is that (and I know this is blocking for the cameras) Tommy and Carol, an established couple, aren’t sitting this close together when we see them through Steve and Nancy’s shoulders. And Steve and Nancy’s shoulders aren’t touching when we see the shots of Tommy and Carol, but as soon as it goes back to focus on Steve and Nancy, they’re leaning into each other again. It’s something weird that I can never unsee every time I see this scene.

Back to the whole thing. We have Steve here who is defending Nancy and telling Tommy to stop being an ass while also allowing his ego to be boosted when they’re making fun of her. Oh, but I will say this. Physical touch: 4. He goes for the reassuring thigh squeeze here, even if we can’t see it under the table. Trying to make sure she doesn’t worry about Barb. But Steve doesn’t know her the way Nancy does and Nancy knows something is wrong. You can actually see the disconnect here in real time, because they spent the entire scene glued at the shoulder

and as soon as he starts smirking over Carol and Tommy’s behavior

Nancy pulls back. Steve leans forward to eat while Nancy stays leaning back in her chair. It gives her a moment to have a long stare with Jonathan out in the hallway, of course.

Now, I’m not going to defend Steve’s behavior with Jonathan. Not exactly. It was a pretty bad reaction to have. But. Okay, fine, I guess I’m going to defend it a little bit. I do think we’re getting a glimpse of Steve as he was originally intended here. This is very much ‘bully’ behavior. However, we have some more context, which is that Steve knows Nancy is nervous people are going to judge her and Jonathan has a picture of her taking her shirt off. Not only did he take the picture, he’s fucking developing it on school property. I know the pictures are an important plot device, but dude. That’s a little fucked up.

Anyway, here’s this guy who took pictures of the girl Steve likes without her consent. The way he handled it? Yeah. Rough. Admittedly a little excessive. But the motives? I think those were ultimately good. ALSO. Okay, listen. Not that I think Steve needs defending, but he doesn’t even look like he feels good about it. The others (minus Nancy, of course) clearly enjoyed it. Steve just goes kind of blank. If this were Steve meta, I’d point out that he does this a couple other times this season – goes blank when he’s going into King Steve mode. All I’m really saying is, we know now that King Steve was an act, but there were signs and this is one of them.

We’re also at Physical Touch: 5 here. Nancy jogs down to his side and he slides his hand across her shoulders to walk back into the school with her. Again, using physical touch as an attempt at comfort. But this has still furthered their disconnect.

Nancy is worried about Barb and she doesn’t know what to do, but she does know that she can’t sit here and pretend things are normal. Steve either knows she’s distressed or needs comfort himself, because we have Physical Touch: 6.

It’s just this casual little touch and she leaves right after. Steve knows she’s lying. She’s not doing a great job at hiding it. But Tommy actually hits the nail on the head, unfortunately. “Maybe she freaked out when you went all psycho on the psycho.” And Steve says, “Oh, give me a break,” but he knows something is off and he knows part of it is something he did.

1x4 & 1x5

It’s interesting that Nancy gives Steve a chance here. She goes to him and tells him what she saw at his house, but they’re not communicating properly. He isn’t listening to her and she isn’t hearing anything like what she needs to from him. Nancy know something bad happened to Barb, but he can’t see past what his dad’s reaction is going to be to finding out about the party. Nancy leaves disappointed and finds a willing partner in Jonathan.

But it also does need to be pointed out that Jonathan isn’t doing this for Nancy. He’s doing it to find Will, which is still admirable. It’s what Nancy needs right now, anyway. Someone who is going to listen to her when everyone else is dismissing her. The point is, he has his own motives. They just happen to line up with hers for now. (And doesn’t that just describe their entire situation???)

So, yes. Jonathan is filling a void that Steve leaves open. But good news for Steve fans. When he fucks up, he knows he fucks up. He shows up to apologize and he says so many of the right things. He admits that he was a dick. He asks about Barb. But then he says the wrong thing. “Just kinda pretend everything’s normal for a few hours.”

Here’s a moment I’m going to take a wild leap into speculation. We don’t know what Steve’s home life is like, but the few things we’ve heard imply that it isn’t great. We know he’s a hopeless romantic. It seems very likely that he would have an idealized version of “normal” in his head, which I get the feeling is something he’s chasing. Someone who loves him, who he loves, who he can be vulnerable with, who will depend on him. Probably something a little bit like a romantic comedy where they walk off into the sunset together in the end.

It really can’t be an accident that we hear Steve talk about pretending things are normal shortly before we hear Nancy give her opinion on it.

Nancy: I don’t think my parents ever loved each other. Jonathan: They must’ve married for some reason. Nancy: My mom was young. My dad was older, but he had a cushy job, money, came from a good family. So, they bought a nice house at the end of the cul-de-sac and started their nuclear family. Jonathan: Screw that. Nancy: Yeah. Screw that.

And it isn’t so much her opinion on love and normalcy so much as her being kind of jaded by her parents’ relationship. It’s her talking about a normal life. What people expect to happen. And she’s seen normal. For her, normal isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s a loveless marriage and losing yourself and she doesn’t want that.

I mean, if you really look at them, you can see that Nancy and Steve actually have a similar view of what normal is. Just different perspectives. Because it could be argued that Steve is in a similar situation. His parents could have a very similar story, but he still chases a very idealized version of “normal”. What his parents have, that’s not normal to him. It’s lacking.

But also, there’s this whole thing about Jonathan basically mirroring what Barb said to Nancy before she went upstairs with Steve.  I saw this girl, you know, trying to be someone else. Which should probably hit harder, considering Barb’s “this isn’t you” from that night. Okay, but can I also dive into the other totally wild thing about this? The pictures Jonathan took of her were in Steve’s window. Where she and Steve were alone.  It was like you were alone, or thought you were. And you know, you could just be yourself. I know they didn’t mean to imply that Nancy would be safe being vulnerable with Steve. That she would be safe letting him see the sides of her that she’s afraid to show other people. YOU KNOW. Kind of like the way that’s who she is for Steve?!

Anyway, back to the Jonathan thing. He gives her that excuse, which I do think hits for her, but she also calls him out for the picture thing. And then Jonathan gets offended and defensive, so they start arguing. He doesn’t hesitate to use the ammunition he has. Nancy Wheeler, she’s not just another suburban girl who thinks she’s rebelling by doing exactly what every other suburban girl does until that phase passes and they marry some boring one-time jock who now works sales, and they live out a perfectly boring little life at the end of a cul-de-sac. Exactly like their parents, who they thought were so depressing, but now, hey, they get it. The meaning behind this is not even a little subtle. “You’re doing the same thing as your mother,” is what he's saying. “You’re going to lose yourself in Steve the way she lost herself in your father.”

This is what hits hardest for Nancy. It’s what makes her doubt what she’s been doing.

1x6 & 1x7

Here comes some of the shared trauma. Or, it’s more trauma for Nancy, anyway. Not exactly shared at this point, when she was the one in the Upside Down being chased by that thing. It makes sense that Nancy wouldn’t want to be alone after this and of course, it’s the perfect setup for some miscommunication because Steve’s on his way to check on her and that is apparently out of character for him.

He says he could tell something was wrong with her and Carol’s response is, “So what? Like, you’re worried about her?” He tries to blow it off, but Tommy and Carol are dicks and they latch on to any signs of weakness. But the point is, he’s going out of his way and doing this thing he wouldn’t have done for any girl before her and he sees her in a compromising position and jumps to conclusions. We already know how he reacts to things like this after his whole scene with the camera earlier. But more on that later.

First, I’d like to talk about how Nancy is ready to jump right back in it. It’s something I love about her character. Trauma? That’s future Nancy’s problem.

Or, you know, present Nancy’s problem a little bit, because on top of everything else, there’s the sign. The sign hurts. We can see the tears in her eyes as she stares up at it. We can see her panic as she looks around at everyone who can see this. And then she hears the spray paint can and her entire face changes. Now, she’s fucking pissed and she’s not going to let them get away with doing this.

I also appreciate that she doesn’t do anything to disguise how hurt she is here. She walks up and she lets them see that she’s upset. And we see Steve and how mad he is, but he starts talking and it kind of falls apart. Yeah, he’s mad, but he’s also incredibly hurt. And lashing out in an incredibly passive way, actually. I actually think his behavior here is so interesting. Like, we’re watching him cling to some of the last pieces of this façade he’s built for himself, but he’s still so passive in this entire thing until Jonathan steps in. He didn’t stop Tommy from doing this. He’s arguing with Nancy, but he’s said his piece and he’s going to walk away. Then, Jonathan speaks and Steve flips. Nancy isn’t his target of choice. That is Jonathan. So he pushes and he pushes and he pushes until Jonathan snaps.

I actually hate the line from the woman at the police station. Only love makes you that crazy, sweetheart. She’s implying that Johnathan snapped in Nancy’s defense, and she doesn’t have the context, so how would she know otherwise? But we know what it was. It was Steve calling his family a bunch of screw-ups. A disgrace. So, yeah. It was love, but it was for his family. The same thing that has motivated all his other choices in this series.

Hell, we get almost immediate confirmation of this when Joyce comes to pick them up.

Joyce: You risked your life. And Nancy’s. Jonathan: I thought I could save Will.

And listen. I’m not knocking Jonathan for caring about Will more. I actually think that’s very cool and admirable, but he is reckless with her life for the sake of his family. Which, again. Cool. He cares about his family in a very intense way that I dig. But Nancy is not his priority. Not even now when they were still trying to sell them as an endgame ship.

And also, I can’t excuse Steve’s behavior, because it was shitty. But you know what? You look at him, sitting on his car and sulking and that is not the face of someone who won. Which, technically he did lose that fight, but Nancy’s been called out and he got to hit Jonathan a few times, plus Jonathan was arrested for their fight? I mean, that’s got to be a little bit of a win, right?

But no. None of that is what he cares about. I mean, talk about a drastic pivot. We have Jonathan in the police station admitting he is prioritizing his family and then we flip over to Steve who thinks he’s lost Nancy, but is still prioritizing her anyway. You never even liked her, because she’s not miserable like you two. She actually cares about other people. However long he’s been friends with Tommy and Carol and he’s throwing it away. He literally abandons them at this random convenience store to go clean up the mess he made.

1x8

While Steve’s been cleaning some shit up, Nancy and Jonathan have been busy. Hopper and Joyce are going into the Upside Down to try to find Will and Nancy wants to help. I wanna finish what we started. I want to kill it. And Jonathan is on board. He doesn’t want his mom to get hurt and the thing is, Nancy understands love through Acts of Service. We’re supposed to see Jonathan jumping on board with her plan here and appreciate it the way she does.

She and Jonathan prep. They set up their traps. They cut their hands, using their own blood as bait. And when they bandage up their hands, there is a charged moment. A moment that is interrupted by Steve. I don’t know about you, but to me, this says that Steve is always going to be in the way of their relationship.

And here’s the thing. Steve is here because he’s still trying to clean up his messes. It is important that he is here to apologize to Jonathan. He said some fucked up things and he knows it. He’s so desperate to apologize. She tries to send him away and he’s begging. No, no, no. Listen, I messed up, okay? I messed – I messed up. Okay? Really. Please. I just want to make things right. Honestly, he could have been mad or hurt that she’s here and it doesn’t even faze him.

But everything shifts for him when he sees that she’s hurt. His voice changes into a different kind of frantic and that’s when he forces himself in and gets to see what they’ve been up to. Nancy tries to force him out. I’m doing this for you. She doesn’t want to drag him into this, too. She doesn’t want anyone else to get hurt by this thing, but he gets dragged in anyway. Panicking, scared, he starts to run when Nancy tells him to run the next time.

Honestly, this kills me every time. Jonathan and Nancy stay inside to fight this thing that took people away from them and Steve is running. He’s fumbling with his keys and it takes him a second to get his door open and then he looks back at the house and the lights are flashing. I’m still baffled by people who say his redemption arc didn’t start until season two, because to me, it looks like it was well underway by this point. This entire season was the start of it or he wouldn’t have run back into the house even though he was terrified out of his mind. Just think about Tommy yelling, “Run away like you always do,” two episodes ago and then watch him run in, grab the nail bat, and push himself between this monster and Nancy and tell me he wasn’t already well on his way.

That’s the other thing. Everyone has a reason to be here. They have various ties to Will. Then there’s Nancy, who lost Barb to this thing and then got dragged in a little further because her brother is involved. Jonathan is here for Will. Steve is here for Nancy. Something that remains consistent through where we are in the present.

We don’t have much of an idea of what happened over the next month. How Nancy ended up back with Steve instead of with Jonathan. There are vague mentions in season two of how Nancy waited and Jonathan says it wasn’t long enough, but I’ll talk about them then. But we end this season with a relatively happy ending for Steve. Unfortunately for him, you can tell that there’s still something unfinished between Nancy and Jonathan and that Steve is blissfully unaware or willingly ignoring it.

The thing is, we’re watching her fall into the “normal” that she’s already stated she is afraid of. With the boring one-time jock and a house at the end of the cul-de-sac.

That, however, is actually a great segue into season two!

Season Two

2x1

Almost an entire year later, Steve and Nancy are still together and Nancy is desperately trying to be what is expected of her while desperately trying to push Steve out of the box he is supposed to fit in. They’re reviewing his college essay and he knows it’s crap and he’s so dejected over the whole thing, because he doesn’t even want to leave anyway. He’s doing this, because she wants it. He wants to do it because she wants him to. So much of what Steve is doing is for Nancy, not for himself.

This whole thing reads like a conversation they’ve had before.

Nancy: You don’t have to go. Just work on this. Steve: No, no, no. What’s the point? Nancy: Hey, calm down. Steve: I’m calm. I’m calm. I’m just being honest, you know. I mean… I’ll end up working for my dad anyway. Nancy: That’s not true.

It’s a source of insecurity for both of them, but for different reasons. The difference is, Steve can see some positives to it. If he stays, he could get all those adult things. You know, insurance and benefits and everything you need to buy a house at the end of a cul-de-sac. You can practically see that thought flashing through Nancy’s mind as he’s saying it.

For some reason, he also seems to be nervous about leaving her in general. I would say that it’s because he’s jealous of Jonathan, but I’m not so sure that��s it. Or, not entirely. He’s probably a little insecure about their friendship, but I think it’s more that he’s concerned that if he’s gone, if he’s not here, Nancy is going to lose interest. Steve is one hundred and ten percent all in for this relationship and there is no way he can’t sense that Nancy isn’t.

I do also have to bring something up here. Consider it a little teaser for when we get into season three stuff, but Nancy is actively suggesting that Jonathan might meet someone if he comes to the Halloween party with her and Steve. MORE ON THAT LATER. Because more importantly in this scene, they’re very cute and having a little normal teen moment.

She kisses him back, but pulls away first. There is tension here. Not from him, though. He’s got the dopiest smile but she stares wistfully after Jonathan before she tries to pull herself back into the moment.

Really, the entire first episode is just proof that Nancy hasn’t been doing anything to work toward moving on. She isn’t ready to and that is completely valid. But she’s been trying to pretend that everything is okay and it isn’t working. She isn’t even that good at hiding it. Steve can tell that the dinners with Barb’s parents are hard on her. He checks in with her on the porch and everything. They’re probably a source of stress for him, too, but he’s so much better at pretending than Nancy is.

2x2 – 2x3

Let’s start off episode two right with physical touch: 7. 

Again, it’s a comfort thing, right? This starts off as a general touch to get her attention, but his hand stays when he sees that she’s freaking out. Nancy, understandably, is holding onto a lot of trauma. Trauma that she associates with Steve. Steve, who is trying to fall back into some semblance of normal life and she’s followed, trying to make it work, but she resents him for how easy it is for him to do it. 

Steve does say something very interesting here. “This isn’t some game, Nance. If they found out that we told any–” He looks around, panicking a bit, and then closes the blinds. “They could put us in jail, okay? Or worse, they could destroy our families. They could do anything they want, okay?” We still don’t know what they were told at the end of season one, but it was clearly enough to scare him. Nancy is opening up to him here and it’s making him freak out a little because he doesn’t know what to do or how to stay within the parameters that the government (?) has set. He can’t do what she wants, so he suggests what works for him. What we know works for him from season one. Pretending to be a stupid teenager for a few hours. (Note physical touch: 8 in that hug.)

But this is what Nancy’s been doing for the last year. She’s tired of pretending, but god, does she commit. She commits so hard that Steve has to pretend too, because he’s so busy trying to stop Nancy from drinking too much that he can’t really be a stupid teenager himself.

And being drunk means Nancy can be more honest with him than she has been.

You’re – you’re pretending like – like everything is okay. You know like… like we didn’t – like we didn’t kill Barb. Like – like it’s great. Like… we’re in love and we’re partying. Yeah, let’s party, huh? We’re partying. This – this is bullshit.

And Steve’s hand is shaking as he cups her face here, because yeah, he knew she was struggling, but she’s still pulling the rug out from under him here. (Also, physical touch: 9 aka the last one.)

I love Steve a lot, which I hope is obvious by now, and I really want to believe that he wouldn’t just abandon her at a party, but like. Jonathan isn’t friends with Steve. Do you really think Jonathan would follow Steve out to ask if he’s okay when he sees him running out, clearly upset? Or would he go check on Nancy? Especially with the way Jonathan says it to Nancy when she asks about it later. There’s more than a hint of a lie there. There also still is a little bit of King Steve left. I don’t really think it’s an ego thing, except it kind of is. Nancy is breaking his heart. She’s making him cry at a party with witnesses and his reputation is already a disaster.

Steve also isn’t above being petty. He’s apparently been picking Nancy up for school for however long now and just doesn’t do it the next morning.

Nancy just has so much confidence when she says, “And then you took me home.” Even Nancy doesn’t believe he’d just leave her at a party. But Steve is pissed and they’re fighting and he does kind of deserve to be mad, because she’s been hiding all these feelings from him for how long? And I do really believe that he cares about the Barb thing. Obviously not to the extent that Nancy does, but he knows she died at his party and he sees how much it hurts Nancy every time they go see her parents.

This is a lot of me defending Steve here, but Nancy deserves some defense, too. “I’ve been trying so hard to pretend like everything’s fine, but it’s not,” she says to Jonathan in her next scene. For Nancy, pretending like everything was fine ended up meaning Steve and as we all know by now, Steve isn’t exactly dealing with his emotions. Repression is the name of his game. Retreating into comfort. Status quo. And Nancy let herself get swept up in that, because it was easy, but in the end, Nancy wants revenge and Jonathan does, too.

2x4 – 2x6

I don’t want to dive too much into the Jonathan of it all, except it is kind of unavoidable. It is important to note that he is getting some revenge out of this, too. It isn’t some purehearted notion that he can help Nancy. He isn’t blindly following along here. Will still has lingering aftereffects from his time in the Upside Down and again, he wants revenge on the people he blames for that.

Also, we are reaching their portion of the show. I will try to keep this as brief as possible.

It is strange to me that the people who are pushing Jonathan and Nancy together are adults. Flo with her comment about “love” being the only thing that makes you that crazy. This hotel lady who gives them a disbelieving look when they want two beds. Murray. But the people who are pushing Steve and Nancy together in season four are their peers? Dustin and Robin, primarily. Eddie. Steve himself. Even a little bit of Nancy.

Regardless, this is where we learn that Nancy waited for Jonathan to make a move after season one. That it took her a month to officially get together with Steve.

Jonathan: Will needed me. And Steve….. Nancy: I waited. Jonathan: Yeah, like only a month.

I mean, listen, Jonathan. What do you expect? For her to wait around for you forever? That’s just the least cool thing ever. It makes sense that his priority would be Will, but it puts everything into glaring contrast once again. Nancy is not going to be his top priority. Ever.

And then we meet Murray. This, of course, lines up with us seeing Steve go to Nancy’s house with flowers, ready to apologize. Even though he thinks Nancy might not love him the way he loves her, he’s willing to try anyway.

I’m going to veer wildly off-topic for a second, although maybe it’s not as off-topic as I think. There is a reason that she is his top priority and that’s because his character was essentially built as an accessory to Nancy. Of course, there are other things that we know about him, like his parents suck and Nancy made him feel seen in a way he wasn’t before. So, even taking into account the fact that he wasn’t much of a character outside of her prior to this season, there are reasons for that, too. It’s a very normal teen thing to go through, I think. Hell, it’s an adult problem, too. Defining yourself based off what you think you need to be for someone else. Which is where I come around to saying that I think their separation over the next two seasons was very important and ultimately a good thing for him and his character. For both of them, actually.

Anyway, back to Murray, who says a lot of things Nancy takes to heart. There is one I think hits the hardest for her, and it’s not actually the “we like Steve, but we don’t love Steve” moment. It’s this:

You’re being naïve, Nancy! Those people… they’re not wired like you and me, okay? They don’t spend their lives trying to get a look at what’s behind the curtain. They like the curtain. It provides them stability. Comfort. Definition.

Murray does also pull out this gem:

You’re harder to read. Probably, like everyone, afraid of what would happen if you accepted yourself for who you really are and retreated back to the safety of… name? Name?

All of it is just piling onto the rest of her insecurities about Steve, who is tempted to take the easy way out and work for his dad so he can have insurance and benefits and head down that road leading toward a loveless marriage. Steve, who is trying so damn hard to pretend like everything is normal. Trying so damn hard to get her to feel that way and is accidentally dismissing her grief by doing so. That is what is so painful about their whole extended breakup this season. Neither of them are doing these things on purpose.

2x8 – 2x9

Okay, let’s just move on. And I know, I skipped over Steve and Dustin’s little chat. It’s pretty self-explanatory. Plus, we’ve just got so much to unpack with these next two episodes.

Everyone regroups. There’s something cinematically beautiful about the way this happens. Steve is off with the kids and he hears a noise, turns toward it, starts to run toward it. But it’s Steve who notices it. And who notices a noise on the other end? Nancy.

Like, I know it seems sort of dorky to focus on shots like these, but they don’t usually do stuff like this by mistake.

Nancy also shifts between Steve and Jonathan a lot during these scenes. Like, she can’t decide where she’s going. She’s near Steve when they’re all arguing before the gate opens and she’s near him again when they’re all trying to get it open. Once they get back to the Byers house, she’s comforting Jonathan and Steve walks off, with the same sniffle/nose swipe he does at the party when he walks away from her, by the way. And then it’s her and Steve putting up the tarps and boarding things up and her and Steve together for the morse code scene and her and Steve on the front lines of the fight and her and Steve looking for space heaters in the back yard.

I could talk about the narrative meaning behind them boarding up the shack together, but that’s been talked to death already. The symbolism is so obvious. What I haven’t seen discussed is that while she’s complimenting him on how he took care of things while she and Jonathan were off doing their thing, he’s the one with the staple gun. Nancy’s got the duct tape and is helping him, but Steve is the one doing the work. Which, you know, Steve is also the one doing all the work with this breakup.

It's him who tells her to go with Jonathan. He recognizes that there is nothing salvageable here. He sees where she really wants to be and wishes he could have been there for her in the way Jonathan was, but knows he wasn’t brave enough to help her the way she wanted and she wasn’t brave enough to actually ask for that help. Their relationship was essentially over when he walked away from her in the alley, but here he makes sure she knows, in no uncertain terms, that it is over and it is okay that it’s over.

Steve also has a harder time looking at her here, which is so interesting, because she can’t take her eyes off of him. Steve tells her that she should be with Jonathan, the way that Murray and Flo and that motel lady told her there was something there. And none of it has felt good for her. This final nail in the coffin is not a relief. The long shot on her staring after him is not a happy one.

I mean, they literally left the space Steve was standing in empty. They didn’t do a zoom on her face. They panned out to show how empty that spot beside her was.

Everything I’m saying here boils down to this, I guess. Everyone’s been telling Nancy she isn’t in love with Steve and honestly, I don’t know whether or not I even think she was. What I usually end up landing on is that she wants to be in love with Steve. He says he was a pretty shitty boyfriend, but the few things we see of them early this season do not paint it in that light. Not exactly. Overall, he cared about her a lot and he tried to support her, even if it wasn’t in the way she wanted, and I think she knows that. Their relationship wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t enough for her right now. And here Steve is absolving her of all of that. He couldn’t help her shoulder the responsibility of Barb’s death, so he takes on the responsibility of ending their relationship when he knows she wants something else and that… is just so heartbreaking. For Nancy, as well as Steve. (Also, Steve isn’t with Nancy anymore but he goes with her to Barb’s funeral. He arguably has no reason to go, but he does, because it’s right.)

I had to come back up here to add that while Nancy is staring sadly after Steve, we have a bit of voiceover with Mike’s lines from the next scene. Just be careful, okay? I can’t lose you again. I don’t have a lot to say about this now, but I think I mentioned this before somewhere. Editing choices like this are on purpose.

So, Steve watches the girl he loves drive off with the guy she can actually love right now and he stays behind to babysit. He stays behind to protect the kids, because that’s what he told Nancy he would do. He tries to fight Billy to protect Lucas and Max. He lets the kids drag him down into a nightmare pit and he does protect them. He saves Mike when the vines grab him. He pushes the kids out of the hole ahead of him and puts himself in front of Dustin when the demodogs are charging.

And what I’m about to say is possibly an unfair characterization of Nancy here, but she has almost been turned into an accessory of Jonathan’s in this last fight. She isn’t in charge. She doesn’t really contribute. She’s here for comfort. Which is fine, but it’s not very Nancy. At least, not the Nancy we know now. Nancy takes charge. She takes action. And this isn’t really her fight and you can sort of feel that through the entire scene.

The final part of this season has also been talked to death. Steve taking Dustin to the dance, helping him get ready, giving him a pep talk, and then Nancy taking care of Dustin at the dance. This is also one of the scenes that really convinces me they’ve shifted to endgame Steve/Nancy at this point. Because Dustin goes into the dance and he stares longingly at Max and Lucas while they dance right after Steve stares longingly at Nancy who he knows is with someone. It’s hard to ignore that parallel, even if Dustin does later move on while Steve doesn’t. Anyway, Steve and Nancy aren’t together anymore, but they’re still working on the same side to take care of Dustin and that is not a coincidence. Apart, their priorities are starting to align, even if neither of them are aware of it.  

Season Three

We’re really in it now. Honestly, for as little of it as we got, I love the Steve and Nancy content from this season. The fucking parallels of the way they’re living their lives without each other is unreal. I think this will be a short section, but who fucking knows with me.

We start off with a great parallel. Nancy is working her summer job at the newspaper and it is not going as planned. And also, we want to talk about shitty boyfriends?

Nancy: They don’t actually like me or respect me as a living, breathing human with a brain. Jonathan: Wait, you just – you just gotta be patient, okay? They’re set in their ways, you know? But once they realize what a gifted writer you are, they’ll come around.

First of all. This is literally the same behavior we had from Steve in the beginning of season one. But it’s on purpose. Jonathan is actively trying to sweep her problems with this job under the rug. Second. Man, I don’t know if I really want to get into this. I don’t really want to bash on their relationship, because it’s fine, but their communication is pretty broken down, too. Once again, Nancy has a boyfriend who is advocating for the status quo. Advocating patience. Nancy has been tired of patience for a while now. She is tired of pretending everything is fine.

So, yeah, Nancy? Not happy at her job. Swipe over to Steve who is, surprise, also not happy with his job. His life is not going as planned. Girls don’t find him attractive right now (their loss). He didn’t get into college and his dad wouldn’t hire him as a punishment.

Robin: Have you considered telling the truth? Steve: Oh, you mean that I couldn’t even get into Tech and my douchebag dad’s trying to teach me a lesson? I make three bucks an hour and I have no future? That truth?

He looks genuinely upset. This is worse than he was afraid of last year. He doesn’t have anything he did at this point last year. Not even an ounce of it, and yet, he still approaches everything with this next-level confidence no matter how miserable he is. But this is another on purpose narrative parallel. Steve and Nancy are both not good. Jonathan is.

Even though I’m kind of skimming this season, I’m going to put it into unlabeled sections or I’m going to lose my mind over the formatting.

That doesn’t matter. What does matter is that Jonathan and Nancy are fighting, because they got fired over something she started. He didn’t even try to defend them. Nancy did. And now he’s pissed, because he lost his job. Which I do get (I grew up in a similar financial situation). But there’s this thing about him where he knows how to hit her where it hurts.

I don’t live in a two-story house on Maple Street. My dad doesn’t earn six figures. Hell, he isn’t even around. … Mortgage, college tuition, you know, those are real things, Nancy. Things that you don’t care about only because you don’t have to. … You want everything handed to you on a silver platter. I mean, we were interns, Nancy! Interns! What did you expect? That you would make star reporter in a month? Crack the big case?

This is so much like the argument they had in season one where he called her out about the cul-de-sac and boring one-time jock and it all boils down to what Nancy says here. I guess we just don’t understand each other anymore. And she’s right. It’s true. They understand each other when there is a cause they both want to fight, but when it comes to normal life, there is a disconnect that they can’t seem to get past.

There’s something about how Jonathon didn’t think in season one. He says that to Joyce when she mentions that he endangered himself and Nancy. And then here, Nancy is talking to her mom, and says almost exactly the same thing. To be honest, I wasn’t thinking about him. I wasn’t thinking about anyone really. It’s this great bonding moment for Nancy and her mom, because we can hear Karen confirming (not explicitly) the things Nancy said about her in season one. How she obviously wanted more for herself. And she sees Nancy who wants things for herself and she encourages her not to stop, because she doesn’t want to see Nancy fall into the same thing she did. Nancy’s mom believes in her so much.

Honestly, there’s a super interesting comparison here between Jonathan and Nancy’s story and Dustin and Steve’s story. Steve hesitated in seasons one and two. Ultimately, he followed through, but he hesitated at first. Here, in season three, he willingly dives back in. And then there’s Jonathan who dove right in with Nancy in the first two seasons and now that his family isn’t in trouble, now that there isn’t anything in it for him, he is hesitating.

Of course, that all changes once Nancy says she thinks Will might be in danger. All of a sudden, Jonathan’s back in it.

LISTEN. I’m so excited about this connection I made in my notes.

2x8, Jonathan to Will: Sorry I wasn’t there. I should have been here. 3x5, Will to Jonathan: You weren’t there?! And his response: Well, I’m here now, aren’t I? With Nancy’s addition of: Hallelujah. 4x9, Jonathan to Nancy: I’m sorry I wasn’t here. And Nancy’s response: To be honest, I’m kind of glad you weren’t.

LIKE. LOOK. It’s just a thing about recurring themes and who always shows up, isn’t it?

Can I just drop this here and then go off about it later? I think I have to. This is now a teaser.

There is a bright side for Jonathan, which is his apology. Except for the fact that in the next episode, he’s already kind of backed off from it and is doubting her again.

Okay, I want to talk about Steve again. Steve’s redemption arc obviously started in season one, but we’re really seeing the culmination of his character arc over the last three seasons fall into place during his conversation with Robin. It is ridiculously self-aware in a way that I’m not sure people realize Steve is. But you can’t move on from the past behavior he moved on from without being self-aware. Anyway, I love this moment from him.

Robin: You were a real asshole, you know that? Steve: Yeah, I know. Robin: But it didn’t even matter. It didn’t matter that you were an ass. I was still… obsessed with you. Even though all of us losers pretend to be above it all, we still just wanna be popular. Accepted. Normal. Steve: If it makes you feel any better, having those things isn’t all that great. Seriously. It just baffles me. Everything that people tell you is important, everything that people say you should care about, it’s all just… bullshit.

This, on top of another line from this scene: Maybe instead of being here, I’d be on my way to college right now. It’s all coming down to Nancy. The first hint is bullshit, obviously. That’s pretty much Nancy’s catchphrase at this point. She called him out during their bathroom fight for being bullshit. It’s something that has probably informed a lot of his growth over the last year of his life. But the second hint is the mention of college. He’s still thinking about the things Nancy tried to make him believe he could have in life, but the difference is, he actually seems to want them for his own reasons now.

And I’m about to say something. I don’t know the fandom’s opinion on this, because I’m not super keyed into the fandom for this show, but like. Okay. We all know Steve was lying when he says he’s not in love with Nancy anymore, right? Robin hasn’t metabolized the truth serum or whatever yet, or she has and she just has no filter, but Steve is 1000% lying. And like, one could argue that he’s convinced himself of this, but shit. It’s proven to be a lie almost immediately.

He’s going on here about how he’s found someone a little better for him and we are kind of taught here that when it comes to meaningful relationships, Steve has a type. Super smart. Maybe a little shy, but actually super confident and sure of themselves and what they want. Robin and Nancy are actually pretty similar when it comes down to the list of bullet points about their personalities. And he’s trying really hard to replace Nancy and it might have worked if Robin were into guys, but she isn’t.

Which leads me to my favorite Steve moment ever that isn’t related to Nancy. This pivot here? Fucking masterful. She is vulnerable and admits something very scary to him and it just does not bother him even a little. He is so supportive. I just love him.

Finally, let’s talk about when Steve and Nancy finally see each other again. I feel like this has to be his least ideal way of seeing her again. In this little sailor outfit that he has to wear for his job after he got beat up. The amazing thing here is that Nancy runs right up to him to check on him. And the best part, the most promising part, is that she’s jealous of Robin.

I’m sorry. Who are you?!

And poor Steve over here is just staring at her. Blatantly staring.

Does anyone really want to tell me he still doesn’t have feelings for her after that look? And vice versa. Honestly, it’s the way she just immediately doesn’t like Robin for me. Nancy looking from Robin over to Steve like she’s looking for some kind of hint as to what he was thinking when he pulled her into his.

Okay, really, I just love so much about this finale. It’s wild how good it is.

Once they’re split up, it’s Steve (again) who notices that something is wrong before anyone else. That shot of him staring off into the distance just like last season, looking in Nancy’s direction and knowing that something isn’t right down there.

And then when they hear the noises on the walkie, he throws himself up and starts sprinting for the car. It’s so good.

NOT TO MENTION. Nancy being a fucking badass and putting herself between everyone and Billy’s car and then Steve smashing in at the last possible second to save her. It’s just. IT’S SO GOOD. The way he doesn’t even hesitate to crash his car into Billy’s is so good. (Remember that whole thing about who is always there?) It doesn’t feel like there’s much to elaborate on with all this, except you remember how I said the thing up above about Jonathan hesitating this season until his family is involved and Steve not doing that? Well, here’s Steve not hesitating.

Season Four

This section is long. Take a break here if you have to.

4x1 – 4x3

Here we are! Season four! Now, I’ve always loved Steve and Nancy together and it’s always felt clear that there was some unfinished business there, but I didn’t expect what we got in this season. Not even a little.

By the end of the first episode, we know where Steve and Nancy’s love lives are.

I’m going to talk about Nancy’s first, because there’s obviously some Jonathan talk. I actually really liked the way that this scene was set up. It weirdly shows that they’re on the same page about where their relationship is. They’re both a bit in denial about how things are going. They defend each other and their relationship while giving no real reason why they’re not going to see each other over the break. Jonathan’s mom works and he has to watch his brother and Jonathan wants to be there for his acceptance letter, all in her lying voice. The voice that kind of cracks and goes up an octave at the end of her sentences. And Jonathan saying that Nancy works over breaks, because that’s the kind of dedicated person she is. When really, the only thing being communicated loud and clear here is this: if they wanted to see each other, they could have.

With that out of the way, let’s take a look at where Steve is sitting. He’s over here saying things like, “Do I really want to start another relationship that has no point other than sex?” The answer: no. And things like, “I really dig this girl. I mean, I think that she could – who knows, maybe she could be the one.” Is she the one, Steve? Is she? Are you on the same page? Because she thinks Tammy Thompson is a good singer. I mean, I know and we know that he’s just saying that to Dustin. He doesn’t really believe it. There’s no conviction behind the words.

Hell, he admits in the next episode that he’s as hopeless as Robin. But you know, there’s this thing he’s doing while Robin is monologuing here. Especially this portion. “I know exactly what I want and I’ve found the girl of my dreams, but I just can’t get the courage to ask her out. Meanwhile, you go on like, a million dates and you have no idea what you want.” He’s staring off into the distance and thinking about something the whole time Robin is talking about that. Now, I don’t want to say he was thinking about Nancy here, except… I mean, listen. Veering into later episode conversations for a moment, it isn’t much of a stretch to assume that he does know what he wants. He’s just not saying it out loud, because there’s no point.

Meanwhile, we have Nancy reliving her trauma through Chrissy’s death. Pushing her back into action, because she knows it’s something more. This being here gives me a little hope that we might have a conversation between Steve and Nancy next season closing the loop on Nancy’s trauma and her subsequent resentment of their relationship.

But I’m getting off track again. The important things to bring up for Nancy in episode two is that once again, it is being highlighted that Jonathan isn’t here and she is annoyed about that. But in doing so, we also have to talk about how Jonathan is unloading all his worries onto Argyle. How he admits that Nancy’s dream for their future isn’t his and he’s been lying to her. He doesn’t want to go to Emerson. All he can see right now is the end of their relationship, whether it’s now or a more miserable years down the road.

Which, like, if you take into account later episodes once again… and you think about Robin telling Steve that he doesn’t know what he wants when we know for a fact that he does…. You see what I’m getting at?

Anyway, let’s circle back to how Nancy is annoyed that Jonathan isn’t here. How she just admitted this to Fred half a day ago and she is left alone, being questioned by cops who have never taken her seriously, she’s hugging her stomach and kind of hunched over and she just looks terrified.

But then, she sees Steve’s car pull up and everything shifts. There is visible relief. She is so taken aback.

The cops are still trying to talk to her, but she’s not looking at them. She’s not even listening to them. Their voices literally fade into the background. She’s laser-focused on Steve and the fact that he is there. She gives him a little wave. He gives her a little wave back.

And then she smiles.

Because he showed up. Steve didn’t even know that she needed support and he’s miraculously there.

There was so much focus the first two episodes about how Jonathan wasn’t there and how much that bothered her and the first thing that happens in episode three is Steve showing up when Nancy is in distress. And it keeps getting better!

First of all, we’ve got Steve who is staring at Nancy, which is why he notices that she’s splitting off from the group.

Which leads to his subsequent panic. “No, it’s too dangerous. You need… you need someone to….” Steve can’t really get the words out and I love the way Nancy looks at him here while she’s waiting for him to say what he thinks she needs.

Like, she doesn’t interrupt him. She doesn’t fire back or anything. Because, you know, I feel like a lot of people would expect her to deny help before he can offer it. But we already know that Nancy doesn’t want to be alone, because she’s said she doesn’t want to be alone. Remember? She’s annoyed that Jonathan isn’t here. And here’s Steve offering himself and his help without needing to ask.

Second of all, we have this look at Robin when she interjects and says she’ll go with Nancy.

We already know from the end of last season that Nancy isn’t Robin’s biggest fan. Of all people to tag along, she’s Nancy’s last choice. And then Robin’s giving him shit. “Unless you think we need you to protect us.” And he doesn’t have anything he can say to that. But he wanted to go with Nancy. So bad. And you know Robin knows it. I mean, look at that face.

He couldn’t say he wanted to go with Nancy to protect her, because he knows Nancy doesn’t need protection, but Robin knew what he wanted to say and she can one-hundred percent give him shit for it.

But you know, let’s circle back to Nancy and how she didn’t really say anything when Steve was saying he wanted to help. And her little smile and her shrug.

It looks a little like a “you tried” or “thanks anyway”. And we’re left with poor Steve gawking.

Pretty public, indeed.

Third, we have Dustin straight up calling Steve out about his feelings. You know, in case we missed any of the other hints so far.

And fourth. Finally. We have more jealousy from Nancy. Anyone who was caught off guard by this didn’t pay attention in 3x8, because this isn’t a new development. And really, hold on, I guess this means I get to talk about Robin a little more. Who obviously isn’t stupid. Like, last season, we have Steve telling her that he isn’t in love with Nancy anymore, but he hasn’t been able to commit to anyone since. See her ridiculous smile above again. And now, we have Nancy, saying, “You’re obviously bored, so why don’t you call Steve?”

You can practically see the lightbulb going off in her head. Especially coupled with Nancy’s eye roll that I didn’t notice until I was picking these scenes apart because the camera cuts away in the middle of it?

So, Robin, having her friends’ best interests in mind, practically falls down the stairs to reassure Nancy that she and Steve are totally not a thing.  

I think you’re supposed to look less interested in this information, Nancy. Funny how immediately after this, Nancy is a heck of a lot nicer to Robin. I wonder why.

4x4 – 4x6

I’d like to start this portion of season four by saying that someone should really talk to Steve about how to look at your ex-girlfriend.

Or not. I mean, this is the right way to look at someone, really.

Once again, it’s being pointed out that Steve is here. That seems to be the theme this season. Not only that he’s here, but that he’s eager to throw himself into danger beside her now. To help. Nancy isn’t planning to take him with her, again, and Steve is following her around the house because he wants to go. He’s over here saying things like, “Why does it always have to be me? It’s like–“

What is it like, Steve?

And like, “I can’t do anything here, Nance!”

God, he wants to help so bad.

We also have Robin here to helpfully point out that Nancy still has a Tom Cruise poster in her room. In front of Nancy’s ex-boyfriend who once pointed out that his friends say he looks like her lover boy from Risky Business. Subtlety, party of zero.

The real thing I want to talk about here is how there’s a very interesting mix of comfort and tension. Nancy and Steve argue like they know each other so well, which they kind of do, but there’s something heavier here. Steve not wanting Nancy to run off into potential danger without him, because he wants to be there to know she’s okay. Right? Like I said. There’s no subtlety to any of this.

Honestly, this all reminds me again of how Nancy is the first person who took Steve seriously. I mean, sure, that’s something I’m kind of inferring from that wiki entry about their relationship, but it seems valid. How she listened to him in a way no one else did and it made him feel seen and heard and he’s trying to communicate with her here that he doesn’t want to be left behind, because of that.

Next episode, we find them all sleeping in the Wheeler’s basement. And positioning, my friends. It is so important. Steve is passed out in that chair and when Nancy wakes up, sitting up, she’s on the floor right in front of said chair? Yeah. That happened. How and why? We’ll never know for sure. But there’s a whole thing I could say about gravitating toward each other as a source of comfort. Or more specifically Nancy possibly gravitating toward Steve as a source of comfort because he’s there and helping.

But the real important thing this episode is Steve and Nancy breaking down those barriers, right? Another thing that I know has been discussed to death, but we can’t have a Steve and Nancy essay without this point, can we? They end season two boarding up a building together. Symbolically closing off communication between the two of them, because they were not on the same page then. Or, they were, but it was too late.

And this season, after over a year of growing separately, they are officially on the same page and reopening lines of communication and vulnerability with each other. Not only that, but during this whole conversation, they’re nonverbally checking in with each other the entire time. Everyone is participating in this conversation, but they’re looking at each other.

Hell, even a verbal check-in before they open the door.

I mean, talking about a lack of subtlety. But Steve asking “ready?” before they let the plank of wood fall down is fucking wild, honestly.

I’m going to talk about Robin being involved with a significant portion of Steve and Nancy’s major moments near the end of this. Just, that’s another teaser for you. But it’s a thing and it’s big.

How about this cobwebs scene, huh? I feel like I should just make a collage of Nancy’s faces here. It’s just… I hear a lot of talk about how devastatingly fond Steve looks all the time when he’s looking at her, but this is just ridiculous.

The soft little smiles when he can’t see her. Like, maybe it’s just me, but how do you smile like this when you’re picking cobwebs out of someone’s hair?

And what is with this direct, prolonged eye contact from both of them??? Steve???

The way Nancy goes from smiles

to just sad?

And then he says his little thing that he wants to make him sound smart and he just completely butchers it and Nancy is back to smiles again?

Honestly, her face is a journey here and it’s really better shown via mediocre gifs, so have these.

So, now that I’ve gushed over the faces in this scene, maybe I should try talking about it in a little more clarity. I’m not sure I can, though. They’re just so cute. Steve opening the door and being like, hey we should hang out again. You know, with people. Because that’s safer, right? It’s a safe way for him to say he misses having her around without having to actually say it. Nancy’s picking up what he’s putting down and she’s charmed. Honestly, I’d love to have some more information about how things went when they were first getting together. Or however they got together after season one. Because he’s rambling. It’s cute. Nancy thinks it’s cute.

But then they’re looking at each other again and making that incredibly direct eye contact and the gravity of the situation hits her. And by the situation, I mean the fact that both of them could step away, could separate, and they just don’t. They stay in each other’s space and they look at each other and Steve tries to say something smart and ends up fucking it up, but it’s still cute and y’all it’s those feelings that are bubbling back up whether she wants it to or not.

And in the next episode, we finally have Steve and Nancy standing directly next to each other almost every time they’re in a scene together. Before this, they’ve been separated by the group, tending to be across from each other more often than side by side. But until they split up again in season nine, they’re placed next to each other a majority of the time.

That’s just a little aside, though. The real content here is Robin wishing happiness for her friends.

If I’m permitted to see a silver lining in any of this end-of-the-world doom and gloom, it would be the rekindling of some old flames that frankly never should have been snuffed out. I didn’t mean that as a hint or anything. … But if I did mean it as a hint, would that be so terrible? For me to wish happiness for my friends?

Before I move onto Nancy’s entire monologue, can I just point out the absolute panic from our beloved Nance in the middle of this whole thing from Robin?

It’s honestly very reminiscent of the conversation with Murray in season two, where he’s telling her the whole “we like Steve but we don’t love him” thing and she gets very defensive. She didn’t know then if she was making the right choice and the past couple days for her, it’s really been driven home that she still doesn’t know if she made the right choice.

And then we have Nancy’s not even a little concealed “uh oh I’m about to vent all over this poor person” here.

I could tear apart this monologue from her. It’s a really good one, though… is it a monologue if it’s one sentence that lasts an incredibly long time? That doesn’t matter. Nancy is finally admitting to someone, to Robin, that she doesn’t know if she’s happy. That things with Jonathan are not good. That she has been feeling their relationship crumble for a while and she can’t get ahold of him to find out if it’s just the distance or if they’ve genuinely grown apart. While yes, this is huge for the Steve and Nancy of it all, it’s also just huge for Nancy in general. The poor girl hasn’t had a real close friend since Barb died and Robin is barely implying the hey you can talk to me and Nancy takes full advantage immediately.

Obviously the final thing we have to talk about in this chunk of episodes is the boat. Very proud of Steve who will not be left behind again just jumping into that boat, because he is going to be there, damn it.

But also, personal space? Steve and Nancy don’t know her.

I mean, Eddie and Robin are doing their part, sitting on the bench like normal people. Meanwhile, Nancy is over here with her knee as close as it can be to Steve’s without actually making contact.

You know, it’s absolutely bonkers how this is panning out. Nancy went to Steve in season one about Barb first, right? She saw the, at that point in time, unknown creature behind his house and she went to him first. He dismissed the whole thing because he was more focused on how it affected him than on the greater issue at hand. And here we are, a couple years in the future, and he’s right next to her, ready to dive into potential danger the way she wanted in the first place. Of course, we can’t talk about all that without talking about how worried she is when she realizes what he’s doing.

And what’s his response to this? It’s gotta be me. No complaints, all right?

And Nancy. Girl. I mean, no one can blame her, but she’s out here ogling Steve. In front of EVERYONE.

It’s pretty fucking public. And Robin is delighted to clock this.

Again, I think I mentioned this as a teaser already, but I’m going to re-tease it. Robin is so important to Steve/Nancy this season. Like, it’s ridiculous.

Nancy doesn’t even give a shit that it’s public. She’s not paying any attention to Robin or Eddie. These two dorks can’t keep it together for one second.  She tells him to be careful and he gives her that quiet little nod.

They have zero chill about each other. Honestly, it’s just like… that whole thing I already said where his character development has taken him to this place where he’s pretty much exactly what Nancy wanted from a partner originally. Do people really think that’s an accident?

Anyway, she continues to have zero chill the entire time he’s underwater.

And again when he resurfaces, she’s just got to smile like that?!

But yeah, here we get our moment with zero hesitation. Where Steve is yanked back under the water and Nancy is the one to get it together first and dive right in. Steve will probably say that she’d do it for anyone and would she? Yeah. That’s who Nancy is. But they didn’t show us her diving into danger for anyone. They showed her diving into danger to save Steve for reasons.

4x7

I’m trying to decide how to talk about the post-demobat fight scene, because there’s a lot to it. I could make a joke about how Nancy was looking for any excuse to touch Steve, because. I mean.

Which, sure. That’s a little bit of it, isn’t it? But also, she’s worried about him. They’re not minor wounds, by any means.

Nancy has to make sure that he’s not about to die on her. And of course, he makes a stupid joke saying that he’s never been better.

But like, really, what this is about is Nancy’s relief and their connection. She does that thing again when he makes that joke, when she sees that he’s (mostly) okay. The same thing she did in episode three when she saw him pull up and her entire body sags with relief.

It’s giving me “I’m doing this for you” and [Steve runs back into a house he knows a dangerous monster is in] in a weird way. Don’t ask me to elaborate. I’ve been elaborating for such a long time. 

Also, do you mind if I briefly die over the fact that Steve is incredibly injured and still he puts himself in front of everyone when the next wave of bats shows up?

Anyway. Nancy is the one they have immediately run to his side there. And when they’re hiding under Upside Down Skull Rock and he stumbles, she’s the one who runs to his side again. Well, she was already there, because she’s so keyed into how he’s doing here.

Continuing her trend of not hesitating, Nancy doesn’t hesitate to rip off part of her shirt to bandage up Steve’s wounds here. I also need to make sure you all know that she asks him if the bandage is too tight, which is a direct and on purpose parallel to season one where she’s sort of dating Steve and bandaging up Jonathan’s hand and she asks him if it’s too tight. Like. Girl. How do you feel about this narrative you’re in?

It makes sense that it’s a parallel, because she and Jonathan were pretty close to kissing there when Jonathan interrupted and there should technically be something interrupting these two now, but their audience isn’t paying attention to them, which means that no one is really noticing how… uh… flirtatious and sexual this scene is except for these two. I mean. These two definitely notice.

Like, she tightens the bandage and I’m pretty sure she tucks the ends of it into his pants for him while he’s up there running his hands through his hair in what is arguably the most attractive first aid scene ever on television.

The tension here? Unparalleled. And what does he do when he’s looking at her like this?

He fucking thanks her. And Nancy’s sent through a whole face journey, as she often with Steve this season.

But like, Robin and Eddie are literally turning their backs and giving them privacy for this, which is wild. Giving Steve and Nancy time for prolonged eye contact and confusing feelings that are violently resurfacing.

I mentioned earlier in this thing that Nancy and Steve are framed together a lot in the latter half of this season. I really like the way they did it, actually. Because when they have an incredibly intimate moment, like the above first aid moment above, we see Nancy pull away after to take some space. Like she has to remind herself that the ability to take space exists and that she should probably take it.

But the gap is always closed after. And in this case, it’s closed by Steve with another little joke and Nancy flirts. With more prolonged eye contact. And he knows she’s flirting.

IT’S PRETTY PUBLIC.

I don’t have a lot to say about this shot, except I do love how annoyed they both look by Eddie’s interruption.

Remember what I said about close, intimate moments followed by Nancy forcing separation? Well, that’s about to happen again immediately with this earthquake. They hold onto each other for thirty whole seconds. The earthquake lasts for eight of those. So, for twenty-two seconds after it ends, they just stand there like this.

I guess I did make a joke about Nancy looking for any opportunity to touch Steve, but it’s vice versa, too, right? He’s clinging to her shoulder and she’s clinging to his arm and it’s a lot. You can tell Nancy thinks it’s a lot, too.

But she’s still staring at Steve after, so we know even more that Nancy is forcing space she doesn’t necessarily want, even though she has to take it.

Let me just… I want to write out Eddie’s whole speech, because it’s just important.

See? The only reason I came in here was ‘cause those ladies came in straight after you. Now, I was too ashamed to be the one who stayed behind. But Wheeler? Right there? She didn’t waste a second. Not one second. She just dove right in. Now, I don’t know what happened between you two, but if I were you? I would get her back. ‘Cause that was as unambiguous a sign of true love as these cynical eyes have ever seen.

That, with the subtitle [subdued emotional music] with Steve staring longingly after Nancy? You can tell he doesn’t believe it. Or he doesn’t want to allow himself to believe it, but he wants to so bad. Because, you know, Eddie doesn’t know what happened between the two of them and there is so much history and weight between Nancy and Steve and it wasn’t his fault, but he’s also the one who ended things and made the official choice to walk away. So, yeah. Poor Steve.

You know, I find the order that they choose to go back through the gate to be pretty interesting. Robin, Eddie, Nancy, and then Steve. Why is Steve the last out when he’s injured? I know that, logically, it’s because there’s intended to be another Steve and Nancy scene here, but what are they even thinking here?

And then Steve nods at Eddie to go up. Neither of them are super willing to leave the other behind and I think that’s lovely.

And finally, we’re being shown what we already know. Nancy’s biggest source of trauma. Steve’s pool. The night Barb died. They pointed out how time stopped in the Upside Down the night Will went missing, because Nancy’s flashcards weren’t done. It’s a bit like how Nancy got stuck in her grief, right? Symbolically? And showing us that her grief is still there, that some of that lingering self-blame is still there, is obviously going to be super important. Eventually. Just not this season.

4x8

This sort of overlaps with the previous episode, but we’ll lump it all together here. Steve’s panic and desperation, trying to get Nancy to hear him, yelling at everyone else to figure it the fuck out. “Stay with me,” with his hands on her shoulders, then her face, then her shoulders and neck. And when she wakes up, she just collapses and he immediately catches her. “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. It’s okay, I’m right here. I’m right here.”

So, what do we get from this? Well, there’s the obvious. It’s been talked about multiple times in season four. Jonathan isn’t here. Steve is. And this isn’t a new thing for Jonathan. He apologizes at least once a season to someone for not being there. And, still obvious, but less so. After this moment, we have Hopper and Joyce talking to each other. “I thought I lost you.” / “I did lose you.” And then, perhaps less obvious. This kind of parallel to other couples on top of others. Mike says, “I’m here,” to El in season three while holding her. In this season, we hear Lucas talking to Max about how he sees her while we have Nancy starting to see Steve and his growth. We also have (in earlier episodes) Mike’s inability to tell El that he loves her directly paralleling Nancy’s inability to tell Steve she loves him in season two. And all the parallels to the start of Jonathan and Nancy’s relationship and unresolved tension that they carried around for a whole season’s worth of episodes before they did anything about it. And these are just the ones I pulled off the top of my head. I guess, since I’m going in chronological order though, I should focus on where we are in the timeline.

Nancy gives the team the download and she’s emotional the entire time. The camera shows us Steve’s reaction more than anyone else’s during Nancy’s speech. With the exception of Nancy’s, of course. But they show his reaction when she gets more emotional. He can’t look at her when her voice breaks. He’s kind of mirroring her here. She takes a shaky breath, he takes a shaky breath. She cries, he has to close his eyes.

Everyone else is staring at her in varying degrees of fear, horror, etc. But not him.

But she gets herself together and wants to go back and he argues with her. The others just kind of watch. It’s very clear that Steve and Nancy are the ones running the show and very clear that Steve is going to defer to her. And still, Max is saying her part and everyone looks to Nancy for her reaction, but Nancy looks to Steve.

For a long time.

Ah, and here we have the beautiful Winnebago talk. Nancy decided to ride up front with Steve and they are awkwardly attempting to make conversation and Steve adorably launches into a talk about what he always envisioned for his future while Nancy looks on with this face.

And NANCY THINKS IT SOUNDS NICE. Cue the [tenderly] in the captions when Nancy says, “Yeah,” back to his “Yeah?”.

I MEAN and Nancy’s over here just smiling like this half the time???

This whole scene is just perfection. And Nancy is thinking so hard after it?

Like, Steve tried to broach the future stuff with her one time as far as we know and she was not receptive in that moment. Here? She’s fucking receptive. Nancy sees this life, these dreams he has laid out for himself, and it’s yet another side of him she’s seeing that she likes. He’s reminding her that there is potential for a very nice life on the other side of all of this.

On the other end of this, we get a bit of insight as to where Steve’s head is actually at while he and Robin are making the Molotov cocktails.

Robin: In the face of the world ending, the stakes of my love life feel spectacularly low. Steve: Yeah, I mean, I get you there, but… I still have hope.

I want to unpack that first. Robin is bummed because she saw Vicki with a guy. Steve is here trying to be supportive and Robin pulls this out. And Steve. Steve?! This guy over here, who was scared to take what Eddie said to heart, who is about to march off into danger again, who just spilled his guts to his ex about the life he wants – this guy has hope.

Robin: Not everything has a happy ending. Steve: Yeah, yeah, believe me, I know.

Which he says with an incredibly unsubtle glance over at Nancy. And Robin, of course, follows his eyeline and lets out a quiet laugh, even though he looked away pretty quick. Robin’s been watching this whole thing unfold and she knows her bestie here has his heart just laying out there for someone to stomp all over again or pick up and she doesn’t know which is going to happen. Neither does he.

And still, the conversation ends up here. With Robin saying, “We have to try, right?” And yes, they’re talking about Vecna, but they’re also talking about everything else in life, because nothing in a story is that simple.

4x9

We’re here! It’s almost the end.

Let’s see. What should we touch on in the beginning of this one. Oh, the fact that the tension between them is somehow getting worse? Better? I guess it depends on your perspective.

Better, right?

The difference here is that this time, Nancy can’t put distance between them after this moment of intimacy. They’re literally marching off into battle side by side and Robin, their safety net, runs off. So, does she really want that distance?

Like, look at this. They’re talking about baby Steve being a total dork and it looks like they’re making date conversation, not walking through an evil parallel dimension off to fight some wizard/monster/generally all-around scary dude.

This portion is going to be lots of dialogue and screenshots. I’ll try to make it clear when I’m giving commentary, because I think this portion will be long.

Steve: I think, like, right out of the gate, like, I’m super confident, you know? But I’m also an idiot. Which is just, I mean, it’s a brutal combination. But, I mean, the good news is, I get a big enough thump on my head, I can change, you know? I can learn. I can crawl forward.

Nancy’s never really gotten to see this level of self-reflection from Steve, as far as we know. And he’s not being very complimentary of himself. But you know, she also missed out on experiencing a lot of this change. They went from being around each other on a fairly regular basis to seeing each other maybe a few times over the last year-ish and now he’s this whole other person. And it isn’t like she doesn’t know what ‘thump on the head’ he’s talking about.

Steve: Listen, I guess what I’m trying to say in a really stupid, roundabout way is, um….

Steve: … is thank you. Nancy: Thank me? Steve: Yeah. Nancy: For? Steve: For giving my head the biggest thump of its life two years ago.

Steve: I needed it.

I mean, how could it ever occur to her that he would thank her for breaking his heart? She’s never been proud of how their relationship ended. Don’t make me go pull up one of the season two screenshots again from when he’s walking away. So, the fact that he’s thanking her? I love it, but I can also understand why it would seem so unbelievable to her.

Steve: It changed my life. And now I’m crawling forward. Slowly. I just wonder sometimes… you know, if… some other girl had given me a proper thump before we met, would things have been different?

Honestly, I don’t have much to add here, except I feel like Nancy is on exactly the same page. If this had been Steve back when she needed him in season one, would things be different? This is what she wanted all that time.

Steve: Like, if we were meeting together for the first time right now, part of me… I don’t know part of me thinks we would’ve made it.

Nancy: Steve….

Steve: Remember the dream I told you about? About the Winnebago? Seeing the country with my six lil’ nuggets?

But the audacity of her to have such a sweet, soft smile when he’s reminding her of his dreams? Not to focus too much on negative fandom opinions, but how can anyone think she’s horrified by that? Like, this smile on top of her mild panic over him actually saying this out loud is such a combination though.

Steve: It’s all true. Every last word.

Steve: But I left one part out. It’s the most important part.

I MEAN COME ON. You cannot tell me that she didn’t know exactly where he was headed with this. With THIS face?! Look how open and receptive and patient she is???

Steve: You’re there.

Steve: You’ve always been there.

And Steve punctuating this whole thing with a soft, open, vulnerable smile. And Nancy looking up at him, also vulnerable and sad and like she can see the whole fucking picture he’s painting?

But then she looks down, remembering herself and where she is and what position she’s in, and his smile shifts.

They’re both so sad here. Like, they’ve both lost each other and they’ve come back to each other this season in so many ways. And here he is reaching out, but as soon as she looks down, it’s like he’s bracing himself for the worst.

Nancy’s about to say something. Finally. After another long moment of prolonged eye contact. And Robin interrupts.  

Nancy isn’t even shocked or mad or relieved. The sadness there is too overwhelming. Steve, however, is annoyed. Timing, Robin. Even if Nancy was about to turn him down, I think he’d rather know now than not.

Also, can we finally talk about how Robin interrupts pretty much every single one of their major moments this season? I don’t even mean that in a bad way. It’s kind of how they pulled down the barrier on the door and she stepped up with the brick, saying she found the key to open the door. She smashes open the glass and then Steve reaches his arm in to unlock/open the door through the opening she made. Right??? So, first there was Steve trying to make sure Nancy stays safe instead of going off alone and Robin interrupting to go with her instead. Next, Steve and Nancy are lightly arguing about the visit to Victor Creel and Robin runs into the room behind them. Then, Nancy is helping Steve get the cobwebs out of his hair and Robin comes in with her commentary about spiders.

I could go on, but I think you have a general idea of where I’m going. There are more moments. So many. I’m actually pretty sure Robin interrupts every single moment between them except for the one where Eddie interrupted “for Steve’s modesty”.

Like I said, though, I’m not calling this out because I hate it. I’m actually calling it out, because again, there are reasons they do these things and I love it. It could mean a few things. One of them is that Robin was a pretty important part of Steve’s character growth. Another is that Nancy needs an onscreen friend who isn’t a love interest. But ultimately, it’s that Robin is integral to Nancy and Steve coming back together. I mean, she’s probably… mostly done her part. There were a few things that needed to be established by her. Nancy needed to know that Robin and Steve are not a couple. Nancy also needed to hear someone acknowledge the fact that she and Steve have unfinished business.

And… you know, okay. The thing that really helps me explain this point is the one where Steve and Nancy take the board down from the door at the Creel house and then Robin comes in with her brick and smashes open the window so that Steve can unlock it. DO YOU SEE WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS?! Nancy and Steve have reopened the avenue to healthy communication. Robin has come in with a brick to smash that window open so that Steve can get in there and officially open the door. Which he’s done. You’ve always been there. Nancy didn’t get to respond, but… I mean… right?! It’s an open thread that will need to be addressed and I’m excited about it.

Oh, while I’m talking about how this is an open thread for them, let’s just take a look at Nancy’s face when Steve gets grabbed by the vines when they’re in the Upside Down.  

I don’t even have anything to say about it. I just wanted to show you how much she doesn’t want to lose him.

I’m not even diving into how much I love the whole bit of Steve being the one to hand her the shotgun in Vecna’s lair. Twice. And I’m not diving into it in great detail, because I’ve already said it. They’re partners here. Which is what she wanted from the beginning.

OKAY. Let’s get back on track. There isn’t a lot more to talk about re: Steve and Nancy. Just a final note about Jonathan and Nancy, which again, has already been discussed by many other people, but it’s worth bringing up here, because it does have to do with Steve and Nancy in the end. We have proof that it has to do with Steve and Nancy because not only is one of their main topics of conversation Steve, but we have Steve reacting to their reunion.

Not sure if anyone here is a Bellamy x Clarke shipper, but this reminds me a lot of the pan to Clarke during Bellamy and Echo’s reunion in season five of The 100. Which a lot of people tried to write of as not romantic when it’s blatantly romantic in both cases. The difference for Steve is that he has Robin here to give him a comforting pat on the back.

Also, his face here is so similar to when he thought Nancy was going to turn him down after he gave her his whole speech in the Upside down.

Steve assumes he’s lost here. But we know the truth.

All right, so first, we have Jonathan apologizing for not being here (again). And Nancy’s whole fucking journey before she answers him.

The way she can’t really make eye contact, because she knows who was here.

And then we have her face when he brings up Steve?!

Like, she’s trying to laugh it off, but she can’t.

And she stands up for him, because he has grown up and she got to be around that for days and see the person he’s become and…. Damn. It gets so awkward after this.

Nancy’s inhale, like she might have more to say, but she can’t.

To top it off, we get to see them boarding up windows. Nancy holding up the boards and Jonathan hammering in the nails. And hmm, I wonder why that looks familiar. OH RIGHT. Because Steve and Nancy closed off communication in a very similar way back in season two before they officially split. This is veering into like, wild emotional speculation, but you ever think about how Nancy and Steve were putting up all that stuff using duct tape and staples and Jonathan and Nancy are using a hammer and nails. Which one of those is harder to break through?

And like, yeah. I’m saying that’s wild emotional speculation, but it makes sense to me, because… I mean, I can make the argument that Steve and Nancy’s hurdle is much easier to overcome than Jonathan and Nancy’s. Steve and Nancy were never not on the same page, per se. Nancy wasn’t exactly helping him plan a future that was aligned with hers and we know after this season that he wanted that. But their real problem was that Steve was too scared. Too scared to tell her he wanted a future with her and too scared to help her get revenge for Barb, so she retreated to the safety of someone who would. But the thing that’s hanging over Jonathan and Nancy is worse. Not only has he been planning a future with her that he doesn’t see himself in, but he hasn’t been following through. And he’s been lying about it. And she’s lying, too. He asks if she’s okay and she says they’re fine in a very (not) believable lying voice. He’s admitted to a friend that he’s slow-motion breaking up with Nancy. She’s admitted to a friend that she knows he’s hiding something and she doesn’t know where they stand. And unlike Steve and Nancy in season two, they let this stay unsolved at the end of the season.

Really, it does all come down to that future thing, doesn’t it? Jonathan doesn’t see one where they aren’t both miserable. Jonathan’s dream is NYU. It has been since he was six. He can’t tell Nancy that he doesn’t want to be part of her dream to go to Emerson, because he’s scared. Their relationship was supposedly built on shared trauma and connection, but a lot of that is lost now. The entire fucking group has shared trauma at this point. And Jonathan got Will back. Nancy never got her friend back. And now that Steve has evolved into a person who is an incredibly willing partner, who says that the most important part of his dream future is her… I mean….

Nancy: I feel like life keeps throwing things in the way of our big plans. Jonathan: Yeah, it sure seems like that.

Remember that thing I said like 10k words ago about how Steve is always going to be in the way of their relationship? If you pushed me, I might be convinced that Steve and Nancy were endgame since the moment they decided to keep his character around and kill him off. But my original thesis has its merits, too, so I’ll stick with it for now.

Well. Here we are at the end. It’s not looking good, guys. I mean, not for them. We, however, are looking at a very promising setup for season five. I suppose I could see a world where they decide to fix Nancy and Jonathan’s issues, but if they’re going to do that, there’s literally no point to all this setup in season four. I wish I were exaggerating, but what else is the point of bringing all of this up again?

I suppose that in a good paper, I would circle back to my original point, which is that the writers changed their minds about Nancy’s endgame relationship in season two and decided that Steve would be a better ending for her after all. And they did it to themselves. As I said multiple times, they built him into the perfect partner for Nancy. The person that she wanted from the start. And I know I’m talking a lot about what Nancy wants out of their relationship, but that’s because she’s the one who didn’t know what she wanted. Steve always has. He says exactly that. He wants Nancy and that’s it. He just needed to get to a place in life where she could see that future that he wants. And they’re there. And we’re stuck here waiting to see if they end up on the beach with a couple kids ten years down the road.

I think it’s looking pretty promising, but I guess I did just write 18.5k words on this, so if I didn’t, that would be weird.

If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed my unhinged thought process and that we get some fun resolution to the unresolved threads that are left behind within the next year or so.

I don’t know how to end things.

But neither do Steve and Nancy.

Boom, roasted.

The end.

[dollypopup]

colin should 'suffer' for penelope

aka: 5 short reasons why wanting colin to 'suffer' or 'grovel' or whatever other bullshit this fandom keeps pulling is stupid and makes no sense and should have been buried ages ago, how is this still a thing?

1: it sets a terrible and unhealthy dynamic between an endgame couple

especially considering Polin's motif is that of a mirror, if Colin is expected to grovel or suffer for Penelope's affection and forgiveness, it only stands to reason that Penelope then, too, would have to reciprocate. how Penelope treats Colin's ills is setting the precedent for how he's expected to handle her own against him, of which there are many. giving him the cold shoulder, holding what he said over his head and rubbing it in his face, potentially not even explaining why she's upset at him: these are not signs of a mature woman ready for a marriage to ANYONE

2: Colin's slights against Penelope are considerably less harmful than Penelope's against Colin's and it makes no narrative sense for her to be on her high horse about it

'he ruined her prospects' 'he talked about her behind her back' 'he laughed at her' (we don't even know if that one's true, frankly speaking)

but Penelope did the exact same to him and she did so first. Please remember that Penelope is the reason Colin and Marina broke up, and it was her express goal the entire time. Penelope humiliated Colin and Marina both by exposing them publicly (not to mention rubbed the salt into the wound for days afterward). Penelope didn't even think about Colin's feelings because she tried to confess her crush on him immediately after his engagement went poof. Penelope holding Colin accountable for what he said without herself recognizing the ways in which she's hurt him, too, makes her out to be a hella hypocrite

3: it's weirdly catholic on main?

love isn't about suffering points or penance or guilt and i'm tired of Christianity pervading every damn thing. sorry not sorry, some of us want an actually fulfilling love story

4: y'all are just mad Colin didn't love Penelope back from jump and it's a revenge fantasy

which, fine, that's what fanfic is for, but it's OOC, y'all are aware of that, right? because if he DID want her from the start, we all know that it wouldn't be Polin? why are you shipping a friends to lovers ship if you INSIST that the friends to lovers dynamic is less than? guess what? unreciprocated love is kind of part of the deal. you don't hold a grudge against your friend for not loving you back immediately. Colin shows he cares about Penelope in SO MANY WAYS that somehow are completely invalidated because it isn't meant to be romantic? imma say it: fuck you if you think that way. friendships are important and beautiful and deep and fulfilling with or without romance. Colin sticking his neck out for Penelope to help her family from Jack's scheme? an act of love. Colin sending Penelope letters after her father passed? act of love. Colin telling Penelope she's 'really very good' and holding her hand in appreciation of her coming to talk to him? act of love. if you think those acts of love mean nothing just because he isn't fucking her seven ways to sunday, maybe analyze your own viewpoint of relationships and ship Pen w/ some random stranger who makes heart eyes at her tits from jump

5: it makes Penelope an asshole to her own long term partner

dude, if a friend of mine insisted I crawl on hands and knees to determine whether they want me back in their lives, i don't want to be around that person? so many of these narratives make Penelope a straight up terrible person. if you want your partner to suffer? you probably don't actually like them very much, but Polin is narratively MEANT to be the couple that likes AND loves one another. be real, if your friend ghosted you for months, gave you the cold shoulder when you tried to talk again, treated you like shit (you can't argue that him 'suffering' isn't treating him like shit in some way shape or form) as you tried to apologize, and then you find out that she was the reason you and your ex broke up and she wrote straight up nasty things about your family for YEARS, you would want absolutely nothing to do with that friend. why should Colin be expected to be any different? do these two not deserve a lovely love story built on love and affection and trust and honesty? a healthy happy relationship in which they see one another and appreciate one another for all they are? no? so why do you ship them?

+1: it's oversaturated in this fandom

polin is a fantastic ship. how is THIS their main trope?

find a new fucking idea, PLEASE

[holyvirgilscriptures]

It's so funny when some fans can literally point out how Will loves and appreciates Mike for who he is unconditionally as a form of byler endgame proof (and anti mlvn proof). Yet when it comes to their own fanon interpretations of his character, suddenly Will is perpetually annoyed with Mike for no reason.

Fanon Mike is chacterized as an annoying loser who, by the grace of god, was allowed to have friends who tolerate him, but not without letting him know he's annoying. And Will? He's the Chief Ambassador of the Neutralizing Mike Comittee (The NMC™) who forever has to remind Mike that had he not said yes to being his friend on the goddam swingset almost 10 years ago, he would be nothing but a frogfaced nerd who has an enternal home in Loserdom.

It's not like Mike being his best friend means anything to him. It's not like Will wasn't brought to literal tears after essentially telling Mike how he's made personal, irreplaceable impact on his life, and how he would always have a place in his heart (as well as his other friends and family). Mind you, Will said all of that immediately after Mike expressed his own self-doubt and inferiority.

Some fans took Mike's nightmare fuel (personal insecurities) and decided it would make great wholesome byler content. Feels bad man... I wish they would let Will love Mike unconditionally like he does in canon.

(P.S. I went on a huge rant about Will's response to the rink o mania/rain scenes , but I didn't know how to get my point across in relation to this without going off the deep end lmfao)

can you marry me, please? 💍 this is a very good articulation of my own thoughts

my answer is very very long, so i'll put it under the cut:

i firmly believe a lot of fanon mike's characteristics are a reflection of the fandom's own anger towards him, starting from s3 onwards. for example — the concept of mike being overly clingy or having nerdy geeking out moments, and then will being annoyed by it? like i'm so sorry, people are not going to like what i say, but the opposite of that dynamic is what is literally canon in the show. in s3 will is attached to his childhood (and by extension his friends + mike) and tries to get all of them to play d&d, and then lucas and mike both scorn him. mike basically tells will to grow up.

now, am i saying that this is the dynamic i want to see portrayed in fics? no, of course not. in fact, the show itself makes it very clear that mike was in the wrong for treating will like that. and the audience was mad at mike. which is why i believe a lot of bylers write a role reversal of this, as some sort of comeuppance mike gets for s3 where he wasn't a good friend to will.

and as for mike being treated like he's the loserest loser in loserland, again, i think it just has a lot to do with people's anger towards him in s3 and s4, whether it's conscious or subconscious. when vol 2 came out everyone and their moms wanted to set fire to mike. people made soooo many jokes about will getting with another guy. all of this anger is also why people constantly peddle the "will is too good for mike" rhetoric as well.

the actors' appearances also come into play here. noah is broader and more toned than finn. that's also why buff byers became a thing, though noah's not really buff, he's just fit. buff byers also came from the idea that mike should be fucking groveling at will's feet, as repented for the way he treated will in s3-s4. like, "hey look! will is super strong and he's a chick/guy magnet and he could literally have any boy in the world!" and so they try to make this sort of disparity between both boys and put will on a pedestal compared to mike so that mike can do nothing but be his personal fanboy who should be grateful will even dared to look upon him.

i think that the van scene also added to people's anger towards mike. ranging from mike not noticing will crying (allegedly), to mike not realizing/accepting will's veiled love confession (allegedly). which is again, why we get more fan content of will not reciprocating mike's romantic affection. or people declaring that mike doesn't deserve will's love. it's just another role reversal.

which is so funny because like you said, will's love is unconditional. he openly admits to feeling lost without mike, but people like to pretend will was a happy little clown in california where everyone wanted a piece of him. and he admits that being mean or pushing mike away is NOT WHO HE IS NORMALLY. like seriously this is literally in the fucking show!!!

my answer is just mostly about byler but again just to note that all of mike's friends love him. they fight him or tease him but that's because they care. they find him annoying in the same way he would also find them annoying. because friends will annoy each other. but they still look up to him. in fact, all of them have had moments where one of their issues was literally the fact that they wanted mike's attention in one way or another.

mike IS a loser. but he's a loser in the sense that all of the party are losers. not in the way fanon portrays, where the party are somehow infinitely cooler than mike, who is written as a bottom of the barrel leech. (and also just to add here — people love over-exaggerating the idea of mike being "ugly" in canon, just so they can pair it with will "could attract literal gods" byers.)

and also, last one — mike is the heart of the party. there's no other way around it. he is their leader, and "without heart, we'd all fall apart" is literally THE most applicable thing to mike. when mike didn't act true to himself, not like the leader he normally is, that's when everything began falling apart. which is why i'm so hyped for s5, where we hopefully get to see mike come back to himself and truly lead the party as their paladin.

anyway marry me anon 💍💍💍

[thewertsearch]

Asks Comp 13/4

I think he's behind that door. The platform bears his symbol, and it's his final chance to show up in-game.

The best theory I have is that Bilious Slick is the god of Sgrub, and he only appears to a party of Players who have truly proven themselves. Given that Sgrub's endgame involves the creation of a universe, his role probably relates to this in some way.

Maybe he's the one who grants the Players the 'seed' - or whatever else is mechanically required to alchemize a universe.

The thought has occurred to me, too! I've been skimming some old posts while writing asks, and a couple of things have stood out to me.

We still don't know who the pen pal is. I'm still convinced he has something to do with Grandpa Harley, and my best guess is that he's someone who contains Grandpa as an alchemical component.

The session monitor in Skaianet's lab has a new meaning now. Every single one of those sessions could spawn a universe. And it's been implied that every planet with intelligent life will eventually spawn Sburb sessions. If you do the maths, it's clear that each universe should spawn billions of sessions. Just how many 'children' does each universe produce?

Ooh, yes, let's think about the implications of all this on my 'sonas!

If we assume that the kidsona was on comic-canon Earth, then she's in the universe created by the Zodiac trolls. The universe that she and the trollsona could create could be a completely new one!

...that is, if they create a universe at all. There's nothing saying you have to use that grist on a universe, and they might have other plans...

I was actually thinking about Tinkers when I made that post!

I read Worm a couple of years ago. In retrospect, it would also have made pretty good liveblogging material, although probably not quite as good as Homestuck. There's some great stuff in Worm, but a lot of what I really like about it doesn't show up until close to the end.

I initially assumed that the Psychic Double Reacharound was a contingency plan that she'd prepared earlier, since she couldn't possibly have come up with something so elaborate in the heat of the moment, while bleeding out on the ground.

But then I remembered she came up with the Sollux/Mind Honey plan seemingly on the spot, and now I'm not so sure. God damn, Vriska.

This is genuinely super flattering. I hope the inconsistency isn't too much of an issue - and, yes, I note the irony of saying this immediately after a four-month hiatus!

If was clear from early on that things in Homestuck weren't always what they seemed. Hell, sometimes they're not even what we're shown.

We have to assume some of what we're being told is true, or else we wouldn't have a story - but we always have to remember who's telling the story.

[Lol I love this fic. lots of **GIANT** spoilers tho, just because of the nature of the fic. For example, big ones starting at 16, 55 and 57 - C]

Recommended, and does apparently contain spoilers - but this is one I'm particularly looking forward to.

It's kind of a funny question, isn't it?

From Davesprite's perspective, he did change the future - his future. John died, but he 'changed things' - and now John's alive, even though he was dead 'before'.

But if you zoom out a little, you can see that this change was predetermined by the Alpha Timeline, which always depended on these events. Davesprite changed the first-order future - but the meta-future was always set in stone.

The Medium's timeline is so weird, isn't it? Its retroactive existence is difficult to puzzle out.

I don't think you could see the history of your Land by travelling back before you entered. All physical evidence of that history is there, but it's generated in a single instance when you Enter, and can't be accessed. It's analogous to read-only-memory.

After all, John, Rose and Dave are in the past with respect to LOJADE, but they're never going to see its 'history' - and Jade's Entry isn't going to insert it into the Medium retroactively. It won't have been 'there all along' when John was flying around earlier on his jetpack - it'll only ever have been there from Jade's Entry onwards.

As for getting into Earth's past, I think Karkat had it right, when he described the kids' original universe as 'a set of points to choose from'. You can't get into Earth's past by time-travelling around the Medium, but that doesn't really matter, since you can open portals into any point in its history, as long as you have the gear.

They're fascinating questions, aren't they?

Pre-Exile, she was the Tradition Wrangler - a Prospitian lawyer who struggled to interpret the Medium's archaic laws!

DD is a man of action, and I'm sure he approves of any Player who acts decisively themselves.

Plus, I'm sure he can emphasize with Aradia's situation. After all, it sucks to be bossed around by someone whose motivations make no goddamn sense half the time.

Common Terezi W.

True - she didn't need to hold her there for long. The laser pointer thing is a better analogy, blinding her almost instantly. I don't think it's any less fucked-up - it's more like a different flavor of fucked-up.

That's a pretty impressive robotics feat for Equius, actually. I wonder what Aradiabot is actually made of?

Tracing the source of alchemy gear is one of my favorite Homestuck 'minigames'.

Hivebent's art is fantastic! I really see why the comic blew up around this time. It's really coming into its own, stylistically. Of particular note is the art of Make Her Pay, and the art accompanying Aradia's final monologue. I can't wait to see more!

Gamzee is just too high to be rendered in a less symbolic manner.

Sollux is broken, and probably another mutant. The Sgrub trolls don't seem surprised by his level of power - but considering their circle includes other absurd espers like Aradia and Vriska, they probably aren't the best people to ask about what's normal.

Damn, I wish we could have seen more of Alternia. I know some of the spin-offs dig into this, but I hope we get more in canon, too.

Terezi's dream self is blind, because that's the version of herself she identifies most with. There's very little doubt in my mind that your dream self would reflect your self-perception in other ways, too. Skaia is clearly an ally - thank you, king.

You could imagine a Player whose dream self changes after they realize - or conversely, a Player whose dream self cracked their eggy loking thign. I'd be surprised if there weren't many fanfictions where this is a plot point - and depending on how things shake out in the comic itself, I'm not ruling it out.

In asking about magic, Kanaya really does start to sound like the young child that she is. It's easy to forget, but heartbreaking when you remember.

A few people have talked about this, so I added all of my 'immediate reaction' posts to the liveblog tag! I think it got them all - other than LOLCAT, which I missed and will add now - but if there are others, let me know!

I guess Matespritship isn't explicitly described in terms of romantic love. It's described as a close analogue of human romance, which is 'rooted in strongly positive emotions'. I've been assuming, based on that, that Red Romance is effectively interchangeable with the human concept of romantic love - but I suppose that's not necessarily the case.

I do think you're hitting on a very good point, here, too, which is that the quadrant system itself is described as something that trolls need. I think the 'need' for these categories is enforced, artificially, for the benefit of the Empire. It wouldn't be the first institution to pull something like this.

Either way, it'll be interesting to see how the troll/human ships end up shaking out. It's going to be a challenge to merge their respective relationship frameworks. The best solution, of course, is for them to experience their own relationships without any cultural baggage, but I don't think I'm just speaking for myself when I say that that's easier said than done!

[markantonys]

one thing i find intriguing is that, if imdb is to be believed, min's role in s2 is now finished - and we never got a single hint towards her polycule viewing, which was a HUGE part of her story during TGH (and really from TGH all the way until LOC when she actually gets together with rand, she is CONSTANTLY thinking about the viewing during all those books).

now, i don't mean this as in i'm worrying they're scrapping the polycule. given all the time spent on showing polyamory with alanna this season, i feel more confident than ever that they're setting up for polyamory with main characters! but what i AM wondering right now is whether their immediate plan is just to get avirand(layne) together in seasons 3(-4), and whether min/rand might be something they would intentionally hold back on planting seeds for so that they could easily scrap it if they didn't get as many seasons as planned.

i.e. if they get the full 8 seasons, then absolutely, they'll go for min/rand as well, but if they only get, say, 4 or 5? then maybe they'll keep it as avirandlayne and play the s1 vaguely-described "3 beautiful women" viewing off as one of them being lanfear or egwene (so someone who was involved with rand but wasn't his endgame). (this applies to randlayne as well, where they'd have the option to easily scrap it if the show were to be cancelled after s3 (perish the thought!), but i do feel pretty confident that randlayne would happen in s4, whereas min/rand feels like it might not come until s5.)

i'm just thinking about how i was 100% expecting the fact that min knows her own romantic fate to be revealed in s2 (though maybe not that the person in question is rand), but it didn't happen, and now i'm retroactively going, "well, of COURSE they want to play various long-term prophecies & storylines as close to the chest as possible so that they'd be prepared to handle getting fewer than 8 seasons." i could definitely see them choosing not to reveal that min knows her own romantic fate until the start of the very season when min/rand would actually happen, so that they don't set up something they end up not getting enough time to follow through on. (but of course there's still subtle things like min being upset about the viewing of mat killing rand, which does not set anyone's Romance Detectors off right now but could retroactively do so once we learn that she knew all along she was fated to love him.)

tldr: i was initially startled to get 0 reference to this viewing in season 2, but now i realize it was actually very practical and wise of them to exercise caution in setting things up too many seasons before they would be able to happen. i'm sure we'll get the full polycule if we get 8 seasons, but holding off on letting the audience in on this viewing sets them up comfortably to be able to make the polycule as big or small as is feasible according to the total number of seasons they end up with.

now the question is whether they take the plunge of telling the audience MAT'S marriage prophecy next season despite him probably not even being able to meet tuon until season 5 or 6..................

[satashiiwrites]

WIP Whenever

wasn’t tagged, just actually getting some writing done on a Friday evening after a long week.

Tagging with no obligation: @monsterrae1 @outtoshatter @missanniewhimsy @whimsyswastry @tkwritesdumbassassins @quietborderline @westernlarch @kikiroo @rosieposiepuddingnpie and anyone else who wants to play along.

Title: Breaking Up in Furniture Mart

Fandom: 911

Pairing: Buddie endgame. Mentioned canon Buck/Natalia and Eddie/Marisol

Tags/warnings: first draft, Buck’s terrible dating choices, Eddie’s not oblivious just trying to move on, couch theory still wins, set prior to season 7

It started innocently enough. Buck needs a new couch. He has a new girlfriend, and he wants her to like his couch… and possibly spend some time on it with him doing various activities (get your mind out of the gutter—he’s talking movie nights and eating take-out, Edmundo, not sex).

Simple enough, right?

It has been anything but simple to find a couch.

They’re at their fifth furniture store this weekend, and they have yet to agree on anything when it comes to couches. If Buck likes them, then Natalia doesn’t. If Natalia likes it, Buck doesn’t. It seems they have nothing in common when it comes to couches, which is unfortunate.

They can at least agree that they want one that is dark colored and easy to clean (which, after Kameron’s giving birth on his last one, is a concern). Buck doesn’t want any flammable chemicals to have been used on it. Buck is a firefighter. He worries about these things. Natalia is all for the natural fabrics but hates the idea of leather despite Buck being a fan of its durability,

So, at least, they agree on a few things.

“How about this one?” Buck asks her, slumping down onto a gray vegan leather couch long enough for him to sprawl on and deep enough that he doesn’t feel about to tip off it. He notices it is a bit high in the leg rise, which probably means Natalia won’t like it. So far, she’s only liked low-slung couches.

Natalia sits primly. Buck is proved right almost immediately that it’s too tall. Her feet are no longer on the ground, her ballet flats dangling so that they fall off her heels. With a frown, she wiggles and attempts to sit back. The seat is too deep for her to comfortably sit without reaching for a pillow, which she puts behind her, adjusts, and tries again. “It’s not that great. I really like the taupe one at the last store.”

Buck hates the taupe couch she really liked at the last store. That thing was built for people a lot shorter than him (Natalia), and it is twice as expensive as it needs to be. It is a couch that wouldn’t look out of place on an influencer’s Instagram, #thegoodlife, #blessed, or some other terrible trite slogan that gives him hives. The taupe monstrosity is very mid-century modern in the worst way and hadn’t been comfortable—Buck’s legs had hung off the end, and the wooden armrest had dug into his leg weirdly.

He wants something comfortable to lounge on. Is that such a hard ask? He’s had many good naps on Eddie’s couch and wants the same comfort in his own living space.

[twentytwothings]

Thoughts on the Steve-Nancy-Jonathan love triangle of season 4

There are two main problems, in my view, with the way the love triangle is set up. The first is this:

Jonathan should have told Nancy the truth, and he should have done it right off the bat, either at the start of the season or even shortly before it.

The thing is, the root conflict between Jonathan and Nancy makes sense. Nancy wants to go to a different college than Jonathan does, one too far away from his family for him to be able to support them the way he wants to. It makes sense he doesn’t want to follow her to Emerson, and it makes sense he doesn’t want her to follow him to his preferred college by giving up on her own dreams either. But Nancy would understand the weight of this as well—she cares about her education and her future.

If Jonathan tells Nancy his reservations, maybe Nancy’s immediate response is, fine, I’ll come with you instead, but on the strength of both her own and Jonathan’s wish for her to follow her own path in life, I think they could both spend season 4 just… thinking. They have by now spent over half a year in a long distance relationship—are they prepared to continue like this through all those years of college? What about after? Who knows what the situation might look like by then, what new concerns might keep them apart? How much of their lives are they willing to dedicate to uncertainty and distance?

We saw in season 3 that their relationship, while rooted in love and respect, is hardly some perfect cloudless fantasy life. Now, building on this, let’s ask the next question: how much are they willing to sacrifice to keep it?

This would give Nancy something real to think through over the course of the season about her relationship with Jonathan and what she’s willing to give up for it. It’s something that requires looking within herself and drawing a conclusion—rather than just being left in the dark to be kind of annoyed and unsure of where she stands with him. As for Jonathan, it avoids making him the cause of the problem, and gives one of the few things he’s got going on this season more weight than a simple lack-of-communication plot.

The likeliest reasons I can think of as to why the showrunners didn’t go this path to begin with would be either 1) because they didn’t think the “separate colleges” problem would be big enough to matter if Jonathan actually said anything about it, in which case Jonathan just looks stupid, or 2) because if this is what breaks Nancy and Jonathan apart, then it wasn’t really an issue of incompatibility between them but just life getting in the way, which could in turn make an endgame Nancy/Steve pairing feel like just a consolation prize to Nancy when she couldn’t be with the guy she really wanted.

I can understand the second one, but I don’t agree with it. People aren’t made for one specific other person; they find someone out of many possible someones and then build a life with them.

Nancy chose Jonathan over Steve once before, that’s true—but they are all three different people now, particularly Steve, and isn’t that the whole thing making her reconsider her relationship with him to begin with? I don’t think you need to demonstrate that Nancy and Jonathan could never have worked out under any circumstances in order to allow Nancy to have an equally worthy, or better, relationship with Steve.

This is not to say that Jonathan and Nancy can’t come out of this still together; in fact, I think this version of events will make an eventual reconciliation all the stronger. If, at the end of the day, they find that yes, they are willing to do what it takes to stay together, whether that means giving up on their individual plans for the future or accepting years of staying in a long-distance relationship or something other than that again, it would feel like their relationship has survived a real trial-by-fire and come out stronger for it. It would, when all is said and done at the end of the final season, give the season 4 strain in their relationship purpose, as it would lead to a real affirmation of the strength of their commitment to one another. But as it stands in canon—assuming Nancy and Jonathan remain together in the end, won’t this little detour of theirs feel kind of weird? What does it provide their relationship that their disagreement in season 3 did not?

In season 4 as it is, Nancy lacks agency, and Jonathan is unreliable. The whole situation feels insubstantial, made up as an excuse for more relationship drama. But it didn’t need to be that way.

There is real weight to Jonathan’s dilemma. Instead of making this another flimsy story about lack of communication breaking a relationship apart—just take the issue at hand seriously.

The second main problem is that Steve and Nancy should have spent the season becoming friends more than anything.

The thing about Steve and Nancy’s dynamic is that it has always been defined by romance. We meet them when they’re already pretty much together, and it’s clear there was no real “just friends” period before that point—just a steadily building flirtation. When they break up in season 2, that also marks the end of their interactions altogether, except for a line or two taking place in a larger group dynamic at the end of season 3. Then season 4 puts them together again and they immediately return to flirting.

The problem here is that their relationship lacks a real sense of foundation. What lies beneath the romance, the dating aspect? I don’t know. I’m not sure they do either. In their time together, they have always adhered to it—and Nancy in particular spent season 2 seeming to be mostly going through the motions of it more than anything. What do they look like together without the societal framework of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship to fall back on?

Additionally, Nancy and Steve have some real unresolved issues to work through. The show seems to have mostly decided the problem was just that Steve had a lot of growing left to do back when they were dating and leaves it at that, but the reality of their time together and how it impacted both of them could easily be delved into more deeply than that. Talking about it—offering each their perspectives, both what they thought then and how those thoughts have changed by now—would be a compelling way to show the two characters feeling their way back to something like solid ground with one another after so long adrift.

This—hashing out what went wrong in their old relationship—would be happening simultaneously as Nancy is contemplating her current one with Jonathan, pushing her to consider the two in relation to one another. Any hints of Nancy and Steve’s relationship blossoming back up come near the end of the season, when they’ve had time to settle back into being on good terms with each other, and it feels like something they unearth or build anew rather than them just kind of picking back up where they left off.

This also has the benefit of giving them more to do—more of a chance to grow, or to show how they’ve grown—than either of them really had this season otherwise.

Steve holds no speech about how it has “always been you”; he truly moved on in season 3, like he said, even if season 4 sees old feelings coming back to him. They might still talk about whether they might have made it as a couple as the people they are now, and this may or may not take the form of a confession. Eddie doesn’t make any claims about unambiguous signs of true love on Nancy’s part. Possibly nothing is ever stated explicitly—to avoid forcing the issue to come to a point, instead allowing them to potentially sink back into friendship at the end of the day—but there is a sense that an old door, or perhaps just a window, has been reopened.

Narratively, this will strengthen any potential endgame Nancy/Steve relationship, because it will give their difficulties in season 2 and time apart in season 3 greater impact. Their breakup mattered, and it defines their relationship even now, as they struggle to work through it. Their time apart mattered, and it changed how they feel about one another and the places from which they approach each other. It will also narratively strengthen an endgame where they don’t end up together, because their friendship will remain regardless now that it’s no longer dependent upon romance to exist; no matter what happens in the end, an important relationship was repaired and remains repaired, so the time spent developing it won’t feel wasted even if no romance ultimately comes of it.

Comparing canon—what are we left with if Nancy and Steve don’t end up together? What would be the point of it all? Steve-and-Nancy live and die by their romance, and so does the strength of their season 4 screentime together.

In this new version of the story, things don’t look too dissimilar to canon by the end of the season. Like before, Nancy has come to view Steve in a new light. Like before, Jonathan and Nancy still haven’t worked out their problems. Like before, all their relationships face an uncertain future. The destination remains the same; it’s only that the path there has been slightly altered.

[toffeelemon]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

thank you @wilmonsfolklore for tagging me! 🫶🏼

How many works do you have on Ao3?

32 (that i didn’t orphan👀)

What's your total Ao3 word count?

366,979

What fandoms do you write for?

young royals baby! every now and then i’ll get into a fever dream for other media but yr is my constant

Top five fics by kudos

and they were roommates

royal pains

alex ayúdame

only fools rush in

worst kept secret in history

(i’m glad roommates is the highest because that’s what i’m most proud of. the rest were my entry to yr fics but i believe i have evolved since then!)

Do you respond to comments?

YES! please always leave me comments i love comments

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

lmao i famously don’t write angst. i wrote roommates right after a break up so that was a little rough but. i fixed it all with a timeskip so

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

they all do!!! i have never written a Happily Ever After though, i like the kind of beginning of a happy ending - like yr in canon. the 10 year time skip fic for my rwrb and yr crossover might be the closest to Endgame i’ve ever written?

Do you get hate on fics?

the princess wille AU is - sometimes divisive… rarely directly in my line of sight but i do see some Takes about it, to each their own i guess since it’s so personal to me

Do you write smut?

i surprise myself every time…

Craziest crossover:

i wrote a genderbent yr - first kill AU sksk that had to be my nichest work

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes and i revived my wattpad to call out some teenagers ripping off my yr fics. the most mindboggling thing was that they were responding to comments like they wrote it too

Have you ever had a fic translated?

YES! and they were roommates and worst kept secret in history is translated in brazilian portuguese !! every now and then i want to work on chinese translations for my own fics/ others but never got around to it

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

recently fell into writing bits and bobs for @prince-simon newest dead boy detectives fics! i love their writing sm i did try to weasel into their fics many a times, i’m so blessed to get to persuade my fave writer to give me what i want heheheh

All time favourite ship?

wilmon of course but i’d say that malec from shadowhunters set up the blueprint for me. i always enjoy reading firstprince because great fics are aplenty

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

started a s1 divergence fic when i was in a pretty dark spot in which wille’s mental health plummets and they have to navigate a healthy supportive friendship before wille could be good enough for himself and simon again. i think it could slap but writing it put me in such bad place so i doubt i will finish what i started

What are your writing strengths?

i didn’t notice until other people pointed it out but apparently i jump across POVs pretty seamlessly! i have always written stream of consciousness swapping POVs - i consume and love visual media way more than books so my head is pretty much in a very visual screenwriting/sceneblocking mode and every POV swap is like. a camera angle change to me

What are your writing weaknesses?

TENSES💀 writing in present tense is such a saving grace for me. logically i know i’m fluent in english but i have a lot of “english as second language student” trauma so i try to keep it simple and straightforward. also pingpong brain traits i don’t like having writing plans so sometimes i do lose the plot, struggle with continuity or forget about key themes and scenes and get mad about it

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

love-hate sksk my favourite scenario is if the translation is immediately available (but not disruptive somehow). i tend to forget by the time i reach the author’s note in the end. it’s more fun when it’s a language i have a basic grasp on so maybe i should just suck it up

(biggest pet peeve is if it’s another language romanised - it’s basically gibberish to native speakers i’m sorry😭)

First fandom you wrote in?

youtube rpf… on wattpad…

Favourite fic you've written?

there’s so many but. princess wille the manifestation of my own self you will always be famous x

tagging @prince-simon @aro-of-artemis @ungaroyals

[byersfanclub]

ships aren’t the only things people care about in shows but I think that ppl lately highly underestimate just how important romance is in a story whether you personally care for a romance plot line or not. people like romance whether they realize it or not. it can be as simple as waiting for a character to finally pop the question to another character (proposing) that’s been hinted at, it can be the “ugh, finally” when two characters kiss in a season finale and a whole other array of examples I could use. people may not be into shipping culture the way we are, but ppl are rooting for romances subtly, without even realizing it. people like romance. it keeps you on edge, you want to see the outcome.

which is exactly why I think people have a hard time liking M1lev3n. It’s pretty much “established” from the beginning. There’s no build up to their relationship, there’s nothing really special about them, their romance story is as cliche as it can get and also a play on a super sexist trope within sci-fi “born sexy yesterday” but much more PG since they’re kids. you can’t deny it. mike and el are forced together, mike is a loser nerd that no girls like and (quote by Lucas Sinclair) el is the first girl who isn’t grossed out by him. she doesn’t know anything about the world, she grew up in a lab her entire life up until that point. she barely speaks, she doesn’t know what “friend” means, she doesn’t understand privacy and all the sudden a boy is being sprung in front of her and she doesn’t even UNDERSTAND what romance is and that she could even like/love another person— and he kisses her.

suddenly she vanishes and is yet to be seen for months and they’re suddenly reunited.

there’s no development between them. el only knows what she knows from reruns of old tv shows she watches which are highly dramatizied. again. this is all el can gather about romantic relationship. her and mike do not show any development or maturity in their relationship. all they do is kiss in s3 and suddenly they're broken up for most of the season and for months after the events of s3 end before the byers move away and suddenly she wants to tell mike she loves him back???

at this point, in my opinion, el is hyper fixating on mike since hopper “died”. she needs someone to fall back on, someone that took care of her and she feels (at least somewhat) comfort and safe with. but as we see in s4, mike doesn’t seem to be able to even give her that. I don’t think el loves mike and I don't think mike loves el romantically. they never have. they don’t know what the fuck they're doing. el wants to be a normal teenage girl and mike wants to be a normal teenage boy.

but that isn’t what stranger things is about.

M1lev3n being endgame directly goes against stranger things message. it’s forced conformity.

which brings me back to my point.

this is why the general audience of stranger things doesn’t care about m1lev3n the way m1lev3ns do. they aren’t hardcore shippers, they’re casual, and mike and el give off nothing to be excited about, because el’s storyline was never about romance, it’s about found family.

but who’s storyline was directly tied to romance in s3? Will. “I’m not gonna fall in love.” immediately set Will up to have a romance storyline. The beginning of s4 “I think there is someone he likes” set will up to have a crush. The painting scene directly set will up to HAVE to eventually confess his feelings for mike because mike is inevitably going to find out the truth (if he doesnt already know). will at some point is going to confronted about his love for mike whether you like it or not which is why so many ppl became attracted to byler as a ship after watching s4. with will being confirmed gay and in love with mike, it sets the stage for a newly blooming romance and so much context, subtext in earlier seasons to go back and watch with a new lens. the duffers know what they’re doing, and byler being endgame in s5 means byler has been intentional since the beginning. they have been writing the show, the dialogue, setting the scenes and lighting and set design to directly link back to byler falling in love with each other.

I'll end this off with byler being almost at 400k followers on Tumblr, being the most viewed ship in st on TikTok, the third most popular ship on ao3 and constantly trending on twt.

M1lev3n can barely beat out bower x luigi.

fin.

[victoriadallonfan]

Power Fantasy and Broken Bird

I was thinking about Taylor and Victoria as counterpart protagonists (which I love to do; check out my Compare and Contrast on Taylor and Vic) and I got to thinking about the roles they kind of play trope wise, and how Wildbow plays with them.

This isn't really a serious dissection, just me having fun, and cleaning up some posts I made in Parahuman Discords.

Taylor is quite clearly a play on the average (and generalized) Power Fantasy:

Young outcast gets a chance to change their sad life via a new ability

Finds a rag-tag group of mischiefs and/or love interests whom give her a new place to belong

Is a super special chosen person part of a prophecy about the end of the world

Despite all obstacles she succeeds in getting everything she immediately wants and gets a big power up to stop the big bad

I know some people might want to debate about “Taylor getting everything she immediately wants” but this is true.

She wants new friends; she gets them. She wants to beat a hero/villain; she does (always). She wants to run her territory however she wants; she does. She wants all her friends past and future crimes to be swept under the rug; It happens. She wants a power to save the world; she gets it.

Worm, the setting, absolutely bows to Taylor’s wants…

But it’s never given Taylor what she needs.

Her power doesn’t actually have any difference as to making her happy, just serving of a reminder that she could hurt these people if she wanted

Her friends are the definition of toxic and enablers of all sorts, ranging from someone who wants to control a criminal empire to current sexual abuser/former rapist

She beats tons of heroes and villains but most of these people just consider her a major asshole before, during, and after. And most of heroes she beats are trying to actually help people (like a charity for bombing victims)

Her territory is now at the behest of the government and to a lesser extent requiring the other Undersiders to continue more criminal services to turn a profit

Her criminal friends have all charges swept under the rug, but that just leaves the City under their (abusive) care and means that Taylor has to spend years separated from them as a result (which she hates because she has to spend time with “good people” who don’t cripple people who don’t want to leave a home)

Her power up to save the world literally and figuratively kills her and sincerely pisses of the few people who actually thought she was kind of decent to hang around with willingly (and the prophecy was hijacked by an Eldritch Bird Lady)

Victoria on the other hand feels a lot like an exploration of the "Broken Bird" (a traumatized female character who mentors more naive/idealistic individuals):

Former celebrity/star/superhero that fell from grace after a traumatic event that was basically swept under the rug

Finds a rag-tag group of optimistic and generally friendly misfits whom she mentors

Is not particularly special power-level wise, but does help train others to improve themselves from her experience

Ultimately leaves the fate of the world on the shoulders of a new generation, moving on from the shackles of her trauma

Now, I'm sure a lot of Ward readers are wondering why I haven't mentioned that not only is Victoria the protagonist, but she's an important part of defeating several of the antagonists, including the Big Bad(s) of the endgame?

Well, that's because a lot of her victories are playing a part of her supporting people. Many of the antagonists aren't directly her nemesis's (Amy and Chris excepted), but rather targeting people and places she cares about. Cradle wants Rain, Goddess wants Breakthrough, Teacher wants Earth, Ziz wants humanity etc etc. The danger isn't just the threat against Victoria, but against what she believes to be innocent.

As such, a lot of her real triumphs are in supporting roles:

Creating the plan to support superheroes harassing and eventually freeing Cedar Point from villains

Helping create the plan to handle the Fallen Raid and weaken Teacher's portal bombing

Creating the Hero Network to allow the superheroes to team-up across the City and terrify all the villains within a week

Helped weaken Goddess's support network despite being mind-controlled

Uniting Breakthrough and Undersiders to share information (and later team up with Erring Right and Wardens) to face Cradle and March

Uncover Teacher's conspiracy plan with Tattletale and allowing Dragon to be prepared ahead of time for his cyber attack

Helping to sabotage Teacher's base of operations (causing him to flee) and thwart his God Plan in the span of a week

United a volunteer army of humans to fight together with Parahumans and start attacking Shards

Used her aura to give capes hope, courage, and "Fuck You!" energy in the fight against Ziz (and worked with various heroes/villains to cut Ziz in half)

Inspired the creation of the Dream Plague to destroy Fortuna's plans by having all the Parahumans poison the shard data

Is leading the charge in uniting the Wardens attempts at reviving the dead, following her plan

It's neat to think that Victoria has a finger (flesh and forcefield) in the pies of so many major events and operations on such a large scope, especially with Taylor being more centralized in duty and focus (fighting). And with how Broken Birds in media are meant to be side-characters/mentors for the main-characters, and yet Victoria is the main-character in this setpiece.

I don't think Wildbow intended to play with Power Fantasy and Broken Bird tropes all along or as the intended read, but I think it's valid to say that these are fun interpretations at least.

[the-ethereal-lorestar]

Meta Writing/Literary Analysis, Fandoms & Gushing about TJLC Explained

Those of you who wrote meta for your fandoms, wrote fanfiction, and made fanart, I am inspired by you. I watched a series of YouTube videos about someone dedicating their channel to one show that they love and analyzing it. It made me think about some literary analysis papers I made while studying in college.

I'm a procrastinator. I don't have any papers that I haven't done at the last minute while studying in college for my English degree. Usually, I'm not proud of the papers I made, although I made good grades on them. I wonder if I wouldn't feel so bad on the papers I wrote if I hadn't procrastinated? Most likely.

These are some topics I wrote about. I plan on rewriting them in the future, but how long that will take is beyond me. I have an idea, but it would be interesting to know how many people are most interested in which topic.

Topics:

Is Shakespeare sexist or feminist?

Why do I like the Movie Howl's Moving Castle when people around me are confused by it?

(I don't quite remember the topic exactly) Study of the Dystopian Genre with Larissa Lai's Salt Fish Girl

Homeschool, and why it's better then public school | How Public School could've Affected my Growth

Some info on these topics:

The first topic on my list was a set theme from a premade list by my teacher. I found it interesting for the fact that when I read Shakespeare I was getting mixed signals by his views. I found a paper that I could've added to the paper, but I couldn't 'cause procrastination.

The second point on this list is when I realized that although I loved these movies, my immediate family and other people close to me were confused by the movie? It was a exploration on my standards in the media I interact with. I usually go with the potential of the thing rather then if the actual thing is good. Is the movie Howl's Moving Castle objectively good?

The third point on the list is the testament of my burn out from going to college. I couldn't focus on anything I wanted to. Let alone read the dystopian classics within a week. This paper is where I want to circle back to the most, because the book Salt Fish Girl, became one of my favorite books, and the topic is fascinating to me.

The last point is self-explanatory. I used this book about homeschooling in high school and found a lot of good stuff in there. I also went back to the topic while I was in college. I envy the people who was so into the media and subjects they loved, and looked to how I was taught growing up to see if I could've been like my peers if I had been in a different school setting.

Unfinished Topics and Literary Analysis in the Future:

What YouTube channel inspired me to write this post, design a blog, and want to write my own Meta in the future for fandoms I enjoy?

TJLC explained

YEARS too late finding this channel, but I'm still glad I came across it. Was a sort of dramatic irony, watching her channel after the fact of series 4 of BBC Sherlock (for those who don't know, TJLC is "The JohnLock Conspiracy" for having Sherlock Holmes and John Watson actually be endgame).

Despite this, even if they never came back for her retrospective after series 4 aired, I still would've found her analysis spectacular. I don't think it mattered that it was "wrong" (for those who watched it understand why I put this in quotations, for those who don't, watch her videos, it's worth it), but how well executed it was.

I adored how they included mirrors, parallel's, symbolism. I mean, there were a lot, lol. It made me think about writing in symbolism differently. It's like a how-to video on writing subtext and exploring characters and symbolism. The phone stands for the heart!!!

I had no idea that there was meta for the theories of TJLC. I never heard of essays of fan theories referred to as "Meta" before. After I finished the videos, and read their fix-it fic (I'm pretty sure it could be considered a fix-it fic, she re-wrote series 4), I thought about my unpolished papers.

Here's the fic they wrote, if anyone is interested:

I'm hoping that making my blog on Wix would help me kick myself in gear into doing these things. Maybe a different environment could help. I dunno why, but for some reason I'm convinced of this. In three weeks, May 15th, I'll give an update. Whatever helps.