#maxado

[shukakumoodboard]

Choose violence: multiples of 6

oh hell yeah /is multipled

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

ok so im fairly sure this is intended to be a "name the ship with annoying fans" ask but i'm actually going to interpret this as "name the type of shipping fans who are the most annoying" just to keep it funky fresh. and to that i say: shippers who actually do this shit and mean it

these are obviously fake generated but i digress. yes the icon is lee drawn as a cucumber. no i will not explain it

i see this in a lot of ships a lot of the time, and it's just like. why must you make this a ranked hierarchy of shippers with other people who enjoy the same ship? all that does is alienate other ship enjoyers who create fanwork. sure i'll crack a joke that i own the Rock Lee Fucks tag on ao3 because i am the person who created that specific tag, but i don't own gaalee or any other ship i've ever shipped or written or drawn for. like bruh. i've written 350k+ for that pair and i'd never be so far up my own ass as to declare myself supreme leader of gaalee or whatever.

i will however self-appoint myself glug server archivist. if it's findable i will find it. i'm standing in your yard because you mentioned how much snow fell in your region on a specific day. yes i know what hotel and floor you're on. i brought bagels. why are you screaming

12. answered!

18. it's absolutely criminal that the [gaalee] fandom has been sleeping on...

@urieskooki 's works in general. every single one of them deserves 420 kudos and 69 comments minimum. no one else has the power to make cake sitting, only fans, and bdsm all make sense together for a fandom of gay ninjas. im in hysterics. every single fic is a fucking banger. so fuckign help me i WILL bookbind some of them when i learn how. every single one of you who likes my sing a song of sleeptide is obligated to read the sunlight stopped coming through because it inspired a huge chunk of revelation

dear amber. im turning this ask into a lov letter. i wish for a fraction of ur talent with words. im going to reread lean beef patty rn. u can top me anytime

24. answered!

i WILL talk shit and probably SHOULD get hit

[alwaysbemybeiby]

Hay di na tau maxado naguusap 😔

[zaynieshdieh]

maxado bng obyus na excited na akez for xmas💔💔💔

[shesharesomething]

Nakatuwa magvolunteer kasi I got to use the gift that God gave me, tapos kasama mo pa ung mga taong very passionate in serving God lalong mas nakakainspire to serve. At first, medyo kinabahan ako kasi hindi talaga ako Mac user, pero thank God kasi very approachable si Kuya Josh at si Zyra.

I a looking forward sa training and team building. wala akong maisip maxado na feedback, kasi as of now naman based sa observation ko maganda ang organize and Comms and Tech Team.

approchable naman lahat lalo ung nagturo sakin na sina Kuya Josh and Zyra. Very relaxed lang rin sila lalo pag may unexpected na nangyari, ang bilis rin nila makapag-isip ng solution. I really like na may huddle before service, very helpful siya. Madami na rin ako natutunan kina Kuya Josh at Zyra about sa OBS like pagtransition ng scenes, tapos ung sa castr, pagfollow ng script ni Pastor.

[thesunlounge]

Maxado & Alex Figueira - Quando Será (Flute Version) (Music With Soul, 2020)

[colectivofuturo]

Single of the Day:  Alex Figueira & Maxado “Quando Será” (Music With Soul). 

Alex Figueira (Conjunto Papa Upa, Fumaça Preta) teams up with Brazil’s leading rocksteady songwriter, Maxado, to create another impossible crossover, connecting the dots of the vast tropical music map that have remained apart for far too long.

What if the now-legendary producer Lee Perry had recorded & produced the nascent Wailers trio of Neville Livingston, Bob Marley and Peter Tosh, not in Kingston, the scorching hot Jamaican capital, but instead in Belém, an even hotter city, at the heart of the Brazilian Amazon.

Whilst Kingston’s airwaves and street parties were dominated by the locally produced rocksteady, ska and reggae, Belém was dancing to it’s own beat of carimbó and siriá.The chorus of “Quando Será” is unnervingly apt for our times tool, “Quando será que eu vou te ver?”, or “When will I see you?” the song asks. Well until we see each other, Music With Soul offers some musical relief in the form of this collaborative song.

The B side offers a beautiful touching instrumental version, led by the impeccable flute rendition of Brazilian multi-instrumentalist Gabriel Milliet. His delicate phrasing will give you goosebumps.

Quando Será by Maxado & Alex Figueira

Click here to stream/buy, all services, all formats.

(Oliver Brunetti)

[jorgeboabaid]

Fantasmas

Zé Andrade anda bulindo com fantasmas. Bulindo, dormindo e fazendo lives. E agora resolveu me convidar para participar do grupo, mas a minha memória (assim como o pau) já não é a mesma, não arde mais. Certo tempo, que se pode mapear nos anos 1970, de maneira espontânea e silenciosa um grupo se formou, reunindo-se como abelhas numa colmeia. De repente Zé Andrade, Franklin Maxado, Ciro Fernandes, Marcelo Soares, Raimundo Silva, Joel Borges, Sá (eu) e mais alguns bissextos, tinham o pensamento engajado nos movimentos que se expandiam mundo afora, tendo como semente Paris 1968. Aonde quer que estivéssemos, todo evento a que um de nós fosse convidado logo o chamado se estendia aos demais e a efervescência se dava como por milagre. Quando o movimento “Diretas Já” chegou encontrou o grupo consolidado, agregando simpatizantes, semeando ideias, pregando sonhos e utopias. É que em todo o país as cabeças sentiam a mesma fome de poder, sede de democracia, ânsia de liberdade. Quando a vitória chegou – sem que nenhum de nós desse um tiro – trouxe a reboque a decepção: o perdão amplo, geral e irrestrito dava o paraíso também a torturadores; a Constituição Cidadã já havia sido mais remendada que atropelado em UTI; as mortes estranhas foram arquivadas nas nuvens; os manipuladores, políticos, corruptos, sindicatos e associações dividiram entre si o butim da liberdade conquistada. Os sonhos foram parar na latrina. Assim, silenciosamente como se fez, o grupo se desfez, atendendo o clamor da sobrevivência, o prato de feijão-com-arroz, o choro desesperado do neném ou o grito aflito da mulher, pois a luta pelo sonho não ensinou a trocar fraldas cheias de cocô. É isso que Zé Andrade me instiga a reviver e eu reluto. O que me deixa tranquilo é que os fantasmas estão em Santa Teresa e nenhum deles teve a ideia de pegar o bonde 3 Irmãos-Cachambi para vir perturbar o meu esquecimento, o meu sossego de também fantasma. (20/11/2021) Salomão Rovedo

[hashirun]

"there are two types of people in the world: those who prefer to be sad among others, and those who prefer to be sad alone." - Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

____________________

Goodeve

How are you? Hope you're doing well. Enough na muna sa kape. Maxado ka nakarame. As for me, im a lil bit sad today. I know people come and go pero di ko inexpect na today will be the day. I know my worth but sometimes, naku-question ko lang din lalo pag may taong umaalis. Alam kong choice nila yun. Alam ko rin na minsan, leaving is as hard as being left behind. Pero sana, mas pinili na lang mag stay. Sana. Pero hindi.

-zee

Hi Zee! I hope you're feeling better. Sabi nga nila people come and go di ba pero ang importante naman sa bawat taong dumating, umalis, nag-stay eh meron tayong takeaway. Napatawa ba nila tayo, napasaya, napag-isip, nasaktan, naging aral ba yung pagdating at pag-alis nila sa buhay natin? Naging better person ba tayo dahil sa kanila? I'm not saying don't be sad over people leaving because what you're feeling is totally valid but I hope you'll also find comfort in the fact that whenever we meet someone who makes an impact, even if they're not here to stay they still leave a piece of them in us.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss

[masayahingbatapoako]

201220

Nag simba kami ng mama ko tas tumayo sa gilid kasi wala na maxado bakante sa upuan. Tas meron 2 women beside me. na akala ko mag ate lang ganun pero the way of talking to her her or talaga magkalapit sa isat isa talaga alam ko na agad hahaha gaydar senses! tas nung mag peace be with you na they kissed im like aweee ng patago. I kept smiling wala kasi ang kyutt nilaaaa. Hahahaha tas meron din ako couple nakita sa harapan ko shet hahaha cute nio po mga atesss. Sorry mga ate baka isipin nio bakiw na ho ako na ngumiti ngiti mag isa nakyukyutan lang ho ako sa inyo 😅😅😅😅😅😅🥺🥺🥺

[bookscoffeethenyou]

Gusto ko palagyan ng 2nd floor yun bahay namin. Tapos sa rooftop, may greenhouse. Bilang hindi naman ganon kalaki yung lot namin kaya yun mga plants, sa rooftop na lang. Tapos maglalagay ako ng table tapos malaking payong sa gitna para tambayan. Hindi ko na kelangan mamundok para makakita ng berde at marelax yun mga mata ko. Maxado akong tamad makipag usap sa tao kaya plants na lang kakausapin ko hahahaha

[iyahquin]

Nasanay ako sa 1-10pm nq pasok sa trabaho, ngaung araw 2-11pm pala ako at papunta na sa trabaho, hahahaha, kaya eto lumiko muna ko at pumunta ng town pra hnd nman nla sabihing maxado akong excited pumasok at mgtrabaho..hahahaha

[msl2210]

Buhay Marketing!

Masarap na mahirap. Walang bundle clock. Walang time in walang time out. Pasok ka lang kung gusto mo, pero wala ka naman income. Mas masipag mas madatong. Marketing nga eh.

Nasa life insurance ako almost 10 years na din. Sa mga naunang mga taon sobrang active ko, super aggressive pa kumbaga. Dun din yung nakaka qualify ka sa mga trips. Anjan ang Bora, Cebu, Subic at wag ka Me pa HK pa. Me mga awards na din ang lola, freebies, gift checks at ang gustong gusto ko eh yung every quarter me bonus. Pero wait! Syempre kelangan mong i earn yun.

Fast forward na tayo, so ngayon hindi na ako masyado active. Pa submit submit na lang ng ilang cases. Unlike before na umabot ako ng 20 cases submitted in a month. Wow! Sa totoo kasi mahirap bentahan ang mga Pinoy ng insurance, kesyo mamatay na daw. Pero hindi lang naman yun kung bakit ako nag lie low. Nung lumipat kasi ng company c BH ayun hindi na maxado exciting. The usual transfer din kmi. Naiwan sa previous company namin mga previous clients ko. Hindi na ako naging inspired from there on.

Next. Nag real estate din tayo, nag car agent. Swerte me mga napasok na din. Masarap pala yung ganung work. Malaki laki sweldo, pero gaya ng sabi ko din. EFFORT is the key. Then comes nakilala ko isa pang boss ko who owns not just one poultry but three. Aba. Galante si Madam. Order whatever you want sa food. Me pa Hotel pa. Saka mga states side na mga gamit. Oh, sino hindi matutuwa dun? Hahaha. Sa bday mo me pa uniqlo na nga me pa coach wallet pa. Naks! Swertehan lang din. Haha.

Pero hindi naman lahat sarap. Meron ding bad days, nganga days. Hehe. Pero swerte pa din dahil ako me fix na tinatanggap aside dun sa salary and incentives. So pano ko ba tatapusin tong Notes ko na to?

. . . . Unfinished ♥️

[justrandommigs]

Basurahan

Bakit?bakit?bakit?bakit?bakit? bakit? at isa pang bakit?

Bakit nga ba ako nagsusulat?dahil ba wala akong magawa kapag binisita na ng inip?dahil ba nangangailangan ng sulat ang mga nkikita kong pahina?

Noong una akong humawak ng lapis at papel,wala akong ibang iniisip na gamit ng dalawang iyon kundi para isulat ang pangalan edad at tirahan…

Pero habang nadadagdagan ng kandila sa birthday cake ko…unti unti ring nauunawan ng utak ko ang tunay na gamit ng lapis at papel… 

BASURAHAN!!!

Lagayan ng mga basurang kung maiipon ay magkakasakit ka…at eto ang mga basurang yon:

*mga ideyang nagaagawan ng pwesto sa utak mo tuwing hahawak ng panulat

*mga istoryang bunga ng malikot na imahinasyon at mapaglarong utak

*nararamdamang kailangang ilabas sa kalooban sa parehong paraan kung bakit mo kailangang magbanyo

*at ang iba…mga basurang di mo na maintindihan pero dahil maxado ng marami ay kailangan mo ng itapon.

BASURAHAN ang tingin ko sa papel at lapis…tambakan ng mga saloobing nagsusuntukan,nagbabanggaan at nagrarally sa utak mo…

at sa likod ng mga basurang yan ay ang mga nilalang na katulad ko na ipinanganak na sadyang makalat...ang mga manunulat...

Para sakin dalawa ang uri ng manunulat…ang una ay mga manunulat na makina ang utak..mga nagsusulat ng akda para sa isan daang dahilan.at eto ang mga dahilang iyon:

1.para magpapansin at sumikat

2.para kumita

3-100.(ulitin ang 1-2 hanggang umabot ng isang daan)

Sila ang mga manunulat na nagsusulat lang para kontrolin ang mambabasa…takutin,paiyakin,patawanan,pamanghain,patalunin,pasigawin,gutumin at patayin.(ang huli ay walang katotohanan)sa pamamagitan ng mga letra,salita at pangungusap na inilalapat nila sa kanilang akda…

Ang ikalawa naman ay ang mga nais lang ng basurahan…at isa ako dun…mga walang pakialam sa kung sino ang mkakabasa o kung may makakabasa man.mga manunulat na kailangan lang dumihan ang makita nilang malinis na piraso ng papel sa tuwing may tatagas na katalinuhan sa utak nila(isa nga ako dun)…at pagkatapos nun ay tapos na ang papel nila sa papel na iyon…mga mambabasa na ang bahalang magbigay ng saysay sa akdang iyon…nagtapon lang ako ng basura mula sa utak ko,kayo na ang bahala kung magagalit kau dahil sa baho o may pupulutin kayo na sa tingin nyo ay mapapakinabangan nyo pa…kayo na ang bahala sa basurang itinapon ko...kung may magalit,sa inyo kayo magalit…kung may matakot,sa inyo rin kayo matakot,at kung may mamatay,patayin nyo ang sarili nyo(ang huli ay wala ulit katotohanan)…manunulat lang kami,hindi nyo puso o utak.

Nung hawakan ko ang lapis at papel na ginamit ko sa akdang ito,blangko ang utak ko…ang tanging alam ko lang ay kailangan kong sumulat dahil marami na naming basura sa sistema ko..nang nagsimula na akong magsulat,nagtuloy tuloy din ang daloy ng salita na lumalabas sa mga kamay at daliri ko,kaya humaba ng ganito ang akdang ito.pasensya na kau.kamay ko ang sisihin nyo…

Hindi ko istilo to,bago lang sa akin ang sumulat sa ganitong paraan…at kung mapapansin nyo ay sobrang hindi pormal ang pagkakasulat sa akdang ito…di dahil bobo akong magsulat kundi dahil magaling ako…alam ko na mas masasabi ko ang laman ng mataba kong utak kong parang may kausap lang ako sa kanto(ang mga huling nabanggit ay pawang katotohanan)…

Pasensya na…pasensya na sa mga naguluhan sa akdang ito,marahil ay mababaw pa ang salita at letra na nalanguyan nyo.pasensya na sa mga nagalit sa istilo ko,di ako naggagaya marahil ay magkapareho lang kami ng paraan ng kung sino mang feeling nyo eh kinapirayt ko.pasensya na sa mga natawa sa mga mali,kulang,sobra, at magulo na letra.akda ito ng estudyanteng maraming basura sa utak,hindi to diksyonaryo….at higit sa lahat…

Pasensya na sa papel na ito na sa isa na namang beses ay TINAPUNAN KO NG BASURANG NANGGALING SA SISTEMA KO.

Salamat:

Sa pinsan kong si Debbie at sa mga akda nya,.na kung hindi ko nabasa ay hindi ako magpapangahas na magsulat sa ibang paraan.

Sa mga kabarkada at kaibigan na nagpahayag ng pagsinta sa mga nauna kong akda,.na kung nde dahil sa inyo ay di ako maglalakas ng loob na umulit.

At sa mga basurerong nagkokomento sa mga basurang itinatapon ko.

KAYO ANG MAY KASALANAN KUNG BAKIT AKO NAGING MAKALAT. PATULOY SA PAGTATAPON NG BASURA!

#1

[shesharesomething]

I cannot imagine. I don’t knowhow to start. I am frustrated once again.

 

Enlighten me where did I gowrong. Or maybe let’s see the other side and stop putting myself down.

 

 

Sige, ako na muna tapos theother side naman.

 

Okay, may mali ako. First as awife. I did not consult my husband beforehand. I decide based on my emotions.Hindi ko alam pero mejo ang inconvenient kasi na kasama kami tapos damingkailangan ilagay sa maliit na ref. Second is maxado ako nagpadala sa sinabinya. Na hindi ko pinush ang suggestion ko. I was very willing to purchase thefridge kasi 12 months to pay zero tapos ung idea na someone will help, pero ngadiba sometimes life will not give you everything you wish for. So in short, angkinalabasan ay iba. Kaya ngayon, we are trapped with the idea na we need to paythis with full amount na hindi naman talaga labag sa loob ko. 

 

Grabe rin naman ung blessingsna binibigay ni Lord as of the moment and I am truly thankful. I just cannotbelieve that I have this kind of person in my life. Maybe God is just trying toteach me something. Making me strong, molding me to be a better person. Maybeteaching me the do’s and don’t, letting me know the ideals and the red flags.

 

Ang gusto ko lang naman talagasana is someone who will be a mother to me. Someone who is supportive,kind-hearted, soft-spoken, and endearing. Yung nanay na hindi ka mahihiya sakanya magshare, yung nanay na igguide ka sa buhay, with all life advices ( notsharing with you all unresolved traumas, gaslights, reserve psychologies,carino brutal) maybe more of how to make your life better, maybe more aboutdiscussing realistic goals to obtain quality of life, maybe more of how to growyour money, manage your finances, maybe more of how to socialize with people,create connections and build relationships, maybe more of how to overcome yourchildhood trauma and have more peace of mind, maybe more of discussing  your faith, maybe more of becoming healthy.Yung nanay na alam mong matatakbuhan na at hindi ka iisipan ng anything. Yungnanay na kahit magkamali ka, tutulungan kang bumangon. Yung nanay na hindi kasisihin or ipapamukha sayo ang pagkakamali mo but will find way how toencourage you when something goes wrong. Someone who will not discretely demandand expect from you, rather someone will motivate you reach your dreams.

 

There are a lot of thoughtsrunning on my mind, a lot of feelings I can not outburst. I am just praying andhoping that I will be this kind of my mother to my future child. I know Icannot blame anyone for not being this kind of one but knowing they are trying.I know that we have different traumas, issues and struggles but it is not areason for you not to be kind.

[thedriftedheart]

Neverland

Watching documentaries how North Korean defectors escape their country uses much of my free time these days. It just so unbelievable at times, which is really sensible too, to risk your life and escape rather than stay and starve to death, treated like your life is not yours and be controlled, much so, it seems like you're walking on thin ice all the time. Reminds me of my co-employee before, Jim Lee, a common name nwei so.. He's on his late 40s at that time I believed, he's a snob and minds only his own world, he's the opposite of his ethnic bros (SK) who works there too, they said he's an NK defector. Most of the workers laugh at him, partly they laugh about the fact that he came from a prison-like country, and at how he's minding his own world, as if he doesn't have anyone with him in that office. Ikr, bullying in diff form, and in that place filled with mature and educated persons, it's against the code of conduct as what our comp. stand, but they dismisses that fact. That's why when Jim approach me and in a nice way, they teases me. Then I told them, "maxado kasi kayong halata pag pinag-uusapan at pinagtatawanan sya, hindi man nya kayo maintindihan, your face says it all". Kasi sa totoo lang mabait naman sya, pag pinakitaan mo naman ng maganda ang isang matinong tao, it's very unlikely na sasagutin ka ng bad approach. And so one of SK employee told me the story about their NK bros., sa kanya ko unang narinig ang forced labor na ginagawa sa NK, yung magtrabaho ka maghapon hindi para sayo pero para sa namumuno ng bansa. While NK people doesn't even know the words; free and freedom, most of the people outside that country, don't even know how to properly use their freedom..

Aug 14, 2022 8:19 AM

-------------------------

I finally reached and talk again with my frnd Asya. Mejo matagal akong nawalan ng communication sa kanya. She went on IA on all her SocMed accts. and had to find other way to reach her, miss ko na rin kasi sya kausap. Good thing she responded as I pinged her this morning and it's good to know she's doing great. We chat and went down memory lane, miss na daw nya movie time namin habang sinasamahan ko sila sa shift nila, for which I terribly miss too, those good days.. Masayahing tao si Asya, but the way she confides her feelings before, mas maaliwalas na sya ngayon, evident ang improvement, mejo malayo na sya sa Asya na nakilala ko sa server ng fave ko and she's happier, sana magtuloy-tuloy na. Everyone deserves a happy life, and much more those who tough out hardships. Sayang that we weren't able to meet last Acer con, anniv. pala kasi yun ng papa nya, and we wish na sana sa susunod magkasama na kami sa f2f event ng faves namin. And hopefully we can catch up more time soon, as we promised, to unwind and just relax, for I need it as well..

Aug 10, 2022 6:41 PM 

______________________

Isang araw ang nasayang ko, and I hope I can do much, more than enough today.. I got up, prepared a cup of peppermint tea, sat down, close my eyes but then I felt like myself is slowly spinning, sa mga ganitong pagkakataon na nami-miss ko lalo si Nanay.. Nag livestream ang fave ko kagabii amd when I saw it I thought to myself, really, lagi kang nanjan everytime I feel so down, minsan nagkakataon na ang mga sinasabi mo, at mga sagot mo sa katanungan ng iba mong tagahanga umaakma sa kalagayan ko. Minsan din naiisip ko kung alam mo nga ba ang lahat, na para ba kasing nababasa mo pati laman ng puso at isip ko… Na-overwhelmed naman ako sa mga sinabi mo, your words of wisdom and how you view life, one of many reasons why I admire you. And when I joined in your server, I saw how you interact with your fans, the way you talk to them is like how you connect with your friends, you let them feel that they're not just your fans but friends. And when I heard those facts straight from you last night, I felt it, nakakakilig lang, to just even think that someone like you can be our friend too. That, at ang iba mo pang mga binahagi, sa mga maiikli pero malaman mong mga kwento. Yung nauubusan na ako ng tamang magagandang salita kung paano kita ilalarawan..

Nakakatuwa ang relationship mo, ng bros mo sa fandom, it's so nice na talagang gumagawa din kayo ng paraan para sakyan ang mga little act of love ng fandom, yung pagtampo nila at pagsuyo nyo, and it's so amusing that you and your bros have different ways to show how to "win them back". Kanya-kanyang lapag, diskarte, stream, posts. Mas lalo ko na-a-appreciate ang relationship ng idol-fandom na kinabilangan ko. We all have different ways to make our self happy and I'm glad that I let myself be in this, kahit na dati tinataasan ko lang ng kilay ang mga ganito, I never knew till I found it myself. And so there you are, ang saya ng vibe ng stream mo, sabi nga ganun daw talaga pag in-love, nagre-reflect yung saya sa mga ginagawa. Indeed, ang saya mo tingnan habang kumakanta. Ayoko na isipin ang kalagayan ng puso nyo, basta ba masaya ka, yun naman talaga ang mahalaga. Pag masaya ka, ngumingiti, tumatawa, masaya na rin ako, higit pa sa sapat na.

Pinanood ko ang stream nya, maganda pagka-kanta nya ng mga cover songs, and like what he said before that he's a perfectionist, so he's anxious on sharing publicly his cover songs. But talking about it, hindi pa sya seryoso sa lagay na yun ng pagkanta nya pero honestly, maganda mga versions nya, perfectionist lang siguro talaga sya, I'd rather let it be the reason or what he really feel, kesa sa pag-doubt nya pa rin sa sarili nyang kakayahan. The more you doubt yourself kasi, yun din ang magiging outcome. Pero sa dami ng kinanta nya yung Drag Me Down ang pinaka gusto ko, mas lumabas kasi ang flexibility ng vocals nya, ang galing, ang ganda ng version nya na yun, and he nailed it perfectly as his solo perf sa con nila before, cover was perfectly done with the added rap lyrics na ang ganda ng laman..

Afterwards, I tried to do something worthy while playing a movie on the side. On that movie, a scene where the lead actress who plays a doctor role, had to announce the time of death of her patient, and the hardest thing to do for her was because the patient was her father. Napatigil ako sa ginagawa ko, naramdaman ko na lang sumasabay na luha ko sa bawat patak rin ng luha ng babae sa pinapanood ko. Kitang-kita ko kasi sa artista ang sarili ko…. Ang dalawang ate ko, they know me as a strong person. I guess that's how they always view me..

Ate Naz rang me one day, said our tatay was in hospital and just waiting for me. Balikan ko pa lang ngayon sa alaala, naninikip na dibdib ko, and does writing what happened helps? I guess so, rather than crying over the same old things again and again to a friend…. Minsan kahit sobrang tagal na, when something triggers you, masakit pa rin, losing a parents is like having a wound that would never heal, no matter how many times you face the facts that they're gone, and how they left.. My biggest regret, bubog sa puso ko that always makes me cry until now, was when I missed my mom's call just because I'm so busy, not knowing it'd be her last phone call to me. Flashing everything back in my mind, all these pain.. Hindi ko nakausap Nanay ko sa huling tawag nya na pala, sa case ni Tatay sabi nila it's like he's just waiting for me. I immediately packed my things that day and went back to our hometown, habang kumakabog ang dibdib and tears keep running down my face. I then went straight to hospital instead to our home.

Is there a way to let this space absorbed the pain? how painful it was, then and now? I can't believe that the big, strong man was lying there, unconcious. I held his hand, the hand who used to always hold mine, and whispered to him, letting him know I'm beside him. Sabi ng ate ko, nakailang revive daw ang doctors sa kanya that day, and it seems he's still fighting for his life. Paglabas ko ng room nya dahil bawal magtagal ang bantay sa loob, the doctors came in rushing back to his ward. After a few minutes the doctor came out, and asked all of the immediate family in a room. There she explained that if the attack happens again, it'd be the last attempt for them to save my father, said the only reason he's still breathing is the machine, we need to decide to turn off the machine that supports his life. Yung ganitong desisyon, ipinasa sa'kin ng mga ate ko. Hindi daw nila kayang tingnan kapag inalis na ang support sa tatay ko. How about me, hindi ba ako nasasaktan sa paningin nila, hindi nila naisip how it'd be painful to me? Just because they think m strong kaya ko na lahat. Pero kailangan ko sumunod, I went back in a room. As I sat beside my father, nung hinaplos ko noo nya, then I whispered and asked him what should I do, I used to always ask him for an advice whenever I'm in a difficult situation. So it happened on the same day, it was the most difficult, decision I've ever did. And the situation forced me to watch the whole thing, while the doctors tried to revive him, pump his heart for so many times and looked at me after many attempts, if I'd finally say "yes". The most heartbreaking nod that I've done, but they still need to hear me say yes. And when they detached the machine, heard that long beep, and the doctors announcement of his last time on earth… If only crying all those & these tears, can ease all the pain my parents went through before they left, if only…

Aug 2, 2022 5:27 AM 

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I saw someone this morning who reminded me of a frnd I met in my fave's server, guess it's a sign so I check on her and as I opened stuck messages in my inbox, much of those came from her and a new one too just today. My heart is so touched by a friend, ate Jai is just so sweet. She continuously checks on me pala, same with Pau who also suddenly went online, as if we all took a break from everything in unison, all at the same time, ang cute. Umalis si Pau sa server with respect sa mga nagbabayad as she said. Nakaka-soft yung msg ni ate Jai na she knows m busy living the life and that tho she knows m taking a break from SocMed, she still sends me messages to check on me mabasa ko man o hindi. I forgot that I found friends like her in that world, who treasure the friendship I give as much as I do. M just in a mess with prioritizing things recently, trying to work on that and be back as how I used to manage things as before, m still a work in progress, pondering on what I want to concentrate on next. I don't want to make promises m not sure I can fulfill but I'll make time to check on her too whenever I can. She also gave me an update about the situation she shared to me, all seems going pretty well.

I also took a peek an update on my fave, he's doing well with his fans, and he's receiving a lot of beautiful words of appreciation just as he deserve. He spends time with the fans these days kahit na busy sya, sweet acts, just as how I knew him, isa sa mga nagustuhan ko sa kanya, he even shared his time and watch movie with them last night, napaka sweet and considerate nya talaga. My fave, sometimes I feel like he's mad at me, pakiramdam ko pagbasa ko ng message nya sa dc kanina parang inaaway nya ako, oo ang weird ko, lalo na mga jokes yung nilapag nya kaya oo weird ako at nakakainis, kahit ako natatawa sa sarili ko kasi hindi naman nya ako kilala para may ikagalit sya sa'kin, walang dahilan, ni hindi ko nga sigurado if he knows how I exist as his fan. I felt this before and I even dm him about what I felt that time grabe, pag naaalala ko now nahihiya pa rin ako, nakakahiya naman talaga paano kung wala naman talaga pero since that's what I felt and it made me uncomfy na baka may nagamit akong off words sa mga iniwan kong message sa kanya before kaya nag dm ako, nakakahiya. Altho wala akong nakuhang sagot sa kanya, pero nung naglivestream sya and said "peace" before he end his stream, I felt like it also extends to me, and somehow it comforts me too, as I heard it. Ang weird ng connection ko sa kanya, and one might laugh and brush this off like it's nothing, and it's understandable. And now wala naman akong similar situation na maalala as it's been awhile since I visit them there, sumilip na nga lang ako yun pa naramdaman ko, ganun na ba ako ka-awkward, this kind of feeling what makes me stay away from SocMed, the drama, ewan ko na rin sa'kin. Kung meron man ako binigay na message sa kanya, it's just a congratulatory message and I posted it on his FB Supporter's page, I even read it now just to justify what I feel wala naman akong makita na seems upsetting so I guess it's just me this time. Tho sometimes I feel like he's talking to me, I don't want to sound conceited at hindi rin ako yung madaling mag-assume but it's just how I feel sometimes, but whatever energy I felt kanina, I hope it's not something that makes him upset. My fave, altho madali syang magalit at masaktan, given sa mga napagdaanan nya yun sa buhay, kaya masyado syang nagiging protective sa nararamdaman nya, if that's the case, malalim ang dinulot sa kanya ng mga nangyari sa kanya, and that's why my heart bleeds for him. Pero kung meron man ngang nag-papangamba sa kanya sana maresolve agad, and I hope his heart be healed, and may it be filled with only happiness and love. Nagiging sensitive ako pagdating sa kanya, kaya siguro kung anu-ano rin nararamdaman ko kahit wala naman, ang gulo ko, my emotions are in a mess whenever I'm here, ewan ko ba. There's a lot of good things that he received recently, and for sure simula pa lang yan, there are more so much great things to happen pa, with his talents, skills and him being smart, malayo pa mararating nya and I wish for more blessings to overflow as he deserve..

Life, is beautiful and complicated, just like the song here, sometimes you'll wish you're just a child, careferee and no drama. While everyone is wishing at times to be a kid again, I wonder if it's the same thing with my fave, my fave, why do my heart always aches for you, ang oa ko pagdating sayo, sana mas marami pang magagandang bagay ang dumating sayo, mas maging mabuting tao ka pa, at mas marami pang tao ang ma-inspire mo. May you also be the person and artist your young self dreamt off and be proud of..

July 11, 2022 6:12 PM 

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[thesunlounge]

Reviews 355: Maxado & Alex Figueira

In describing Maxado’s & Alex Figueira’s Quando Será 7”, Music With Soul posits an alternate history where Lee Perry and The Wailers recorded their sun-baked jams not in Kingston, Jamaica, but instead in Belém, Brazil and the heart of the Amazon jungle. And I must say, this imagined mash-up of old skool reggae and Brazilian tropicalia sets the stage perfectly for the intoxicating grooves woven by Maxado and Figueria across both sides of this 7”. Indeed, Quando Será sees the two musicians, Maxado a São Paulo-based songwriter, singer, and composer and Figueira a practioneer of tropical dance psychedelia based out of Amersterdam, deftly combining their interests in the varied yet surprisingly sympathetic forms of reggae, Carimbó, and Siriá into an intoxicating potion of equatorial sunshine and paradise melancholia. 

Across both takes of “Quando Será,” Amazonion jungle rhythms and snaking dub basslines evoke rainforest ceremonials and desert caravan processionals while rocksteady guitar riffs skank over mesmerizing e-piano murmurations. However, the two versions diverge by way of their lead instruments, with the original version featuring a vocal performance from Maxado that is at once breathtakingly beautiful and overwhelmed by sorrow, while the flute version omits the vocals, leaving space for multi-instrumentalist and longtime Figueira collaborator Gabriel Milliet to explore realms of mystical fantasy and twilight wonderment via a spellbinding woodwind performance. And tying it all together, at least for the hand-numbered edition, are Figueira’s wonderful sketches of birds and flowers, as well as his loving portrait of Milliet. 

Maxado & Alex Figueira - Quando Será (Music With Soul, 2020) A log drum pounds at the beginning of “Quando Serà” until the groove finally drops, with pandeiro jingles sketching out hallucinogenic patterns and hands popping against drumheads under thick swaths of spring reverb. Maxado’s solar reggae guitars riff on the beat and Figueira’s subsonic basslines execute feverish rainforest dances, with the duo’s Carimbó and Siriá influenced melodies and rhythms also carrying vague airs of Arabian and Mediterranean exotica. The chorus sees Maxado’s multi-layered songs of melancholy melting over the tropical riddims…the pleading repetitions of “quando será / que eu vou te ver?”, which translates to “when will I see you?”, forming a sort of sorrowful anthem for these current times of pandemic-induced separation. And beneath the vocals sit e-piano starscapes, with muted chords dropping like a warm whisper on the back of the neck. Elsewhere, we move into verse, with the background reduced to muted world percussions, walking basslines, smearing keys, and rocksteady riffing while Maxado overflows the heart with haunting lyricisms and soulful turns of phrase. Moving towards the end, we are treated to a dazzling, if understated e-piano solo, bringing cinematic vibes of seaside saloons and western ghost towns before the keys lock into climbing sunshine cycles that are paralleled by the bass, with the Brazilian dub percussion growing ever more urgent and huge bursts of black smoke reverb radiating off of certain hits. 

As discussed, the “Flute Version” sees Maxado and Figueira making the inspired decision to excise the vocals completely in favor of Gabriel Milliet’s flute. And though the rest of the groove proceeds undisturbed, with the mystical Amazonian cumaco and pandeiro rhythms still guiding the body beneath riffing textures of Jamaican sunshine, the vocal-woodwind swap has a profound effect on the track’s vibe. There are still irresistible atmospheres of melancholy and sorrow, but these are countered by glowing threads of fantasy magic flowing forth from Milliet’s aerophone. His playing is brilliantly understated and keeps to a warming woodwind coo, with little in the way of overblowing or free jazz-style bombast. Instead, the multi-instrumentalist executes silky smooth dances through paradisiacal environments…as if some elven spirit of the rainforest has emerged onto a beautiful sunset panorama, his esoteric flute incantations helping the golden orb settle towards the horizon while calming grooves of Brazilian dance and reggae rock suffuse the coastal air. At the track’s conclusion, when the pianos and bass lock into their narcotizing cycles, the flute playing grows ever more sprightly and whimsical, as Milliet darts and dashes around the rhythmic elements with joyous abandon. Best of all, there are tasteful overdubs of fluttering flute psychedelia…these echo-soaked panoramas of dream magic that billow in from the edges of the mix.

(images from my personal copy)