#maybanks sister

[gh0stsp1d3r]

ℳ𝒶𝓎𝒷𝒶𝓃𝓀𝓈 𝓈𝒾𝓈𝓉ℯ𝓇

Chapter 2- Explanations

Series masterlist

Warnings: daddy issues, drinking, readers more empathic than I’ll ever be, some angst, this is long so grab ur popcorn!

Summary- you finally listen to your boyfriend’s explanation of why what happened, happened. You feel for him, understand his actions. you begin to realize it’s him or your brother.

You glanced at your phone screen and back at your dad on the couch. Was it a good idea leaving him right now? He sat there, switching through the tv channels, mumbling to himself.

He had been drowning himself in his beer ever since Jj came. He hasn’t come back since, you haven’t seen him or heard from him since you dropped him off at his friends house after he had begged to be.

He shouted angrily at you, threw things, and yet it was always you taking care of him at the end of the day.

It was always you tucking him into bed like he was a fucking kid.

“coming in a second,” You typed back. Rafe had been begging for you to come over so he could explain- even going as far as to coming to the house, while you weren’t there.

“Hey, dad, I’m gonna go out for a bit. You gonna be okay?” You asked him, looking up from your phone.

“Where you goin’?”

“My boyfriends.”

“Was that the uh…” he took a sip, pausing before speaking. “Boy that came the other day?”

“Yeah. Rafe.”

“Rafe? Like Rafe Cameron? You,” he laughed as if if it was the funniest thing in the world. “Y/n Maybank, who is 19 and still living with her dad, are dating a kook from figure 8?”

“Yes, dad. Not everything’s about money. Are you gonna be okay here?”

He shook his head to himself, before standing up, slamming his fist onto the table next to him. You flinched at the sound.

“I’m not a fucking kid, y/n. You don’t have to watch over me like I am.”

“Your PO-“ you tried. His mood had changed drastically.

“I don’t give a shit about what my PO says.” He interrupted, downing the rest of his drink and throwing it onto the ground, shattering underneath him.

Your lip trembled as you looked at him. “Okay. I’m sorry. I’m gonna…” you took a deep breath, standing up. “I’m gonna go, dad. Be careful.” You mumbled to him, slamming the door and starting your car.

Grabbing your phone from your pocket, you sent him “on my way”

༶•┈┈┈┈┈୨♡୧┈┈┈┈┈•༶

“Hey, wheezie. Where’s your brother?” You asked her when she opened the door.

“Hi, y/n. He’s in his room. He’s in one of his moods. You okay?” She asked, noticing your state. Your eyes were red and your face was puffy, you reeked heavily of beer and weed, from your dad.

“I’m fine, thank you.” You told her when she opened the door, and walked to his room. She knocked on his door.

“Go away, wheezie.” He said agitatedly, getting a line ready on his desk.

“Y/n’s here.” She said. You could hear him getting up from the bed, putting things away before he unlocked his door.

“Hi.” He sniffed, looking at you. Wheezie rolled her eyes and left, closing her door.

“Hi.”

He opened up his door and motioned for you to come in. He locked it again and you stood in front of him.

It was silent, the both of you staring at each other. He leaned against his desk now, running a hand through his hair.

“You wanted to explain what happened, so… explain.” You spoke first.

He sighed, biting the inside of his cheek before speaking.

“I heard that dad wanted to take Sarah to the Bahamas for some business trip. And what the fuck did Sarah know about business? Nothing. She was running around with the fuckin’…” he stopped his talking for a moment, remembering your brother.

“It doesn’t matter. I was at the tarmac, and I didn’t think… I didn’t think anything like that would happen.”

“Sheriff peterkin told my dad to get on the ground.” He relived the moments in his head, each agonizing moment. “She put a gun to his head and began to arrest him. I couldn’t just.. I couldn’t just watch him get fuckin’ arrested.”

“What was he getting arrested for?” You asked him quietly.

He shook his head. He didn’t want to say.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, the tension in the room thick.

“Rafe…” you began.

“I didn’t wanna do it.” He mumbled, his voice a croak now. He held his face in his hands, shakily breathing out.

You walked closer to him, he just looked the other way as you gave him a hug, something he had not expected.

He began to stutter out, but you stopped him.

“Sh, sh, sh. It’s fine. You’re fine.” You told him, he cried onto you, your shirt getting soaked.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, clearing his throat and wiping the tears from his eyes, pulling away from you now.

One thing about rafe is he never cried. At least not in front of people. He hated to feel vulnerable.

“I just wanted him to… I just wanted him to pay attention to me for once, you know?” He pointed to himself. “Everything’s about fuckin’ Sarah, forget me and Wheezie.” He motioned to the door on the other side.

“I get it.” You did get it, knowing exactly how he felt. He felt bad for his actions. You could tell.

“Sorry. Thank you. For…” he sniffled and cleared his throat again. “For listening.”

“Yeah.”

“How’ve you been…?” He asked, not having seen you in a little.

“I’ve been… okay. I guess. Jj hasn’t come back since he stole the boat, but then he got in trouble with the sbi for helping his friend escape or something, then the phantom drowned and shit.”

“So… that was fun explaining to my dad.” You took a deep breath. He’s been… angrier since then. Feel like it’s my fault, kind of.”

“It’s not your fault.” He quickly spoke, a frown on his face as he listened.

You shrugged. “I don’t know.”

He picked up a cup from his desk, offering it to you.

You shook your head and a small smile on your face. “I think you need it more than me.”

“Shit, I think we both need it.” He chuckled, pouring the liquid down his throat and putting it down onto the table.

“You can stay here. If you want.” He offered once it became silent.

“Oh. No. It’s- I don’t have any clothes or anything, so… I wouldn’t wanna interrupt…”

“Just borrow some of mine. You’re not interrupting anything.”

“Are you sure?”

“If I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t have offered it. You should go take a shower.” He told you.

“Yeah.” You glanced down at yourself. He went to his closet, grabbed a towel and rummaged through his drawers for clothes.

You stood behind him, he handed you a stack of his clothes and you gave him a small smile.

“Thank you, rafe.”

“Of course.” Was all he said, he directed you to where the bathroom was and you entered it.

Jesus Christ, this bathroom is fucking huge. You thought, looking around. How the hell did this shower even work?

You turned on the shower, getting rid of your clothes and letting the droplets fall onto your skin with a sigh.

Once you got out, you changed into his clothes. Leaving the bathroom, you grabbed your stuff and dried off your hair when someone walked by.

Ward.

He looked at you, stopping for a moment.

“Who are you?”

“Hi, sir. Sorry.” You quickly turned to him. You told him your name and held out your hand for him to shake.

Rafe came out from his room, his eyes landing on the both of you.

“She’s my uh… my girlfriend. She’s staying the night.” He swallowed. Hesitating because he wasn’t sure how his dad would react.

Ward furrowed his eyebrows at that.

“Nice to meet you.” He said, giving you a small nod and smile.

Ward eyed Rafe, who just rolled his eyes at his dad and led you back into his room.

“Sorry. About him.”

“It’s fine.”

“I guess I should tell you… I have to go to uh… peterkins funeral tomorrow. I don’t know if you wanna go or…” he took a deep breath.

“Okay.”

“Okay..?”

“I’ll go.”

“Okay.” He nodded. Inside, he was just glad to have some sort of emotional support there. Knowing his dad wouldn’t be helpful.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

The drive to the funeral was silent. You greeted and introduced yourself to Rose, who seemed to like you a bit more than Ward did.

You noticed Rafe’s distant eyes, putting a hand on his shoulder and just leaning against him was enough to ground him.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“I should really get going.” You mumbled, his lips were on your neck and you were laying against the bed.

“Why?” He mumbled against your skin, his hands wrapped around you.

“My dad. I can’t leave him alone this long.”

He nodded. “Right. Right. Of course. Sorry.” He said, running a hand through his hair, getting off you.

“Thank you for letting me stay again.”

“Text me anytime you need to, okay?”

You nodded, standing up and gathering your clothes now.

He stood up too, leading you downstairs and to the door. He cupped your face, smashing his lips against yours before you left, wrapping his arms around you.

“I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

When you began to drove home, you noticed two familiar figures.

“Okay, I’m not sure, but I think they can see us from there.”

“Who cares? Should be glad I’m not setting the house on fire.” Kiara replied, turning to Pope and continuing her movements.

“Can you hurry up?”

“Look, doesn’t it piss you off? Even a little?!”

“Of course it pisses me off: I’m just-“ he paused. “I’m just trying to channel my rage into different vectors right now.”

“Oh, okay.” She stepped back, looking at her work she had done on the wall. “Not bad.”

“Hey, I think somebody’s up there.” Pope said, looking over the wall.

“Shit. It’s Rafe.”

“Look, we know what you did!” Kiara shouted to him.

“Hey, no.” He covered her mouth and began to pull her away.

“Murderers!”

“No, now is not the time. Are you serious?” They began to run when you pulled up to them.

“Kiara? Pope?”

“Y/n?” They both said in unison.

“What the hell are you two doing?” You motioned to the wall.

“What are you doing here?” Pope asked you.

They both hopped into your car without you saying anything.

“Oh, great, yeah, just hop into my fucking car why don’t you? I’m not a damn Uber.”

“Can you please just drive us somewhere?” Pope asked.

You sighed and shook your head to yourself.

“No. I can’t. I gotta go back home.”

“Please, y/n?”

Fuck. Being pulled into their stupid shit, again. You groaned, and began to drive to where they told you to.

Once you got there, they both thanked you multiple times and hopped in their boat.

“Hey, do you know where Jj is?” You shouted.

“He got a new job. That one place on figure eight, island sun.”

“Thank you.” You told them. Your dad would be fine for a few more minutes, you thought. But you had to figure out something with Jj, at least check up on him.

So, you put it into your phone and began driving to the restaurant.

You walked in on Jj having some sort of speech. You stood, frozen in your spot.

“My best friend, John B, did not kill Sheriff Peterkin! Rafe Cameron killed and shot the sheriff in cold blood!”

You swallowed as you listened. He wasn’t wrong. And that was the worst part.

He wasn’t wrong and yet you still felt for Rafe, you understood what he was going through and what he thought.

But he was still a murderer. A murderer who helped you in your darkest times, a murderer who you met while doing some stupid job as a teenager.

How was he going to react when he realized you’ve been dating him for months?

Kelce scoffed.

“That’s what happened.”

“Is that so hard to believe, Kelc?”

“It is actually hard for me to believe, because you know, it’s always…” he stood up from his chair. “The kooks fault. It’s never the pogues fault.”

Jesus Christ, this stupid shit. It was stupid, the whole pogues vs kooks thing. You never understood or cared for it.

Jj poured water onto Kelce, and Kelce threw his hands at Jj.

You stepped in now, grabbing Jj and pulling him away while Topper grabbed Kelce.

“Get off me!” He shoved you, the two broke up finally.

“It’s not the time, man.”

“Jj.” His boss called.

“Yeah, I know Raz. I’m fired.” He threw off his apron, you followed behind Jj, grabbing his shoulder.

“What the fuck was that?!” You asked him. He whipped around to meet your eyes.

“I cant stand there and fuckin’ listen to their bullshit! That’s my fucking friend they’re talking about, y/n. That’s my friend.” He motioned to them.

“I get it, J. I do, but you can’t keep doing this. You’re already on probation-“

“I don’t care, y/n. I don’t care anymore.” He hopped on his dirt bike. You called his name, he drove straight into the flowers, destroying it.

“Jj- please!” You shouted, he just drove off, flicking them off.

He sounded just like your dad.

————

Tag list:

@cassie0sstuff

@rafesgiirl

[vampiretendencies]

request; jj blurb idea! wearing his clothes for the first time/him seeing you in his clothes for the first time. maybe showering at the chateau but you didn’t bring anything so he gives you a tshirt! hehe literally kicking my feet under the table rn

pairing; jj x fem!reader

warnings; fluff, maybe suggestive

authors note; i was doing the same when you sent this anon in love with this idea ! (req a blurb from below w what’s left on the prompt list, or send in blurb, imagines, & fic ideas) a few more hours until season 3!

other ways to say i love you prompt list

The opportunity to wear JJ’s clothes tainted your thoughts undoubtedly.

Not only because it belonged to him but because everything about JJ’s wardrobe, is so JJ.

No problem with repping any and everything that belonged to your infamous boyfriend. Wether it be wearing his pair of boxers as shorts, a wife beater to slumber in, or a random tee shirt to go out in broad day light.

You just longed for his material to be around your figure.

Congenial and adequate, soft yet comfortable— all elements of his clothes that are alike with JJ.

They are his clothes, after all.

“JJ let go of me!”

Stood smack in the the middle of JJ’s room at the chateau. His window partially open, wind bristling from the night air, making its way through. Whilst the hard wood floors beneath the two of you tracked the imprints of your feet. Bed rolled around in, from you forcing JJ off of you then— merely to let you get up and off of the bed to shower, that you did. Since you came out though, wearing little clothing, (given that there wasn't much of your own items lying around at the Chateau) he hasn't let you be.

He encapsulates you with his sinewy arms, body swallowing you whole. Whilst you forcefully push your hands against his broad, shirtless chest— the skin mellow and thick. Indentations of your miniature hands marking his skin, like your were a rag doll; screaming for dear life.

All JJ could muster was a low, raspy chuckle.

“Say you won’t leave.”

JJ wanted to make love to you all day long.

Not sex.

But emotionally.

To emotionally make love, to have and hold. A day full of luster, every millisecond spent around or with you. To confide in and maybe even shrink you and put you in his pocket.

A keepsake.

“You know I can’t, I don’t have another change of clothes.”

Behind every ‘can’t’ JJ miraculously finds a way, opportunity at hand to see you clad in something of his.

“Lets find you something of mine?”

JJ flicks his tongue, peering down at you due to the fact that he knows he’s won and you aren’t moving a muscle. His hands maneuver themselves to the lower part of your ass, hands habitually grasp the masses with a squeeze of his hands.

“Are you gonna’ give me something to wear then or what?”

You hid your secret giddiness inside, not wanting to be the one to initiate this sentiment— things seemingly working themselves out anyway.

“Actually, baby … just fuckin’ walk around naked … s’even better.”

He acknowledges the glint in your eye, possibly even a twitch that says, ‘get me some damn clothes before I wring your neck.’

“Okay okay, whatcha’ thinkin’ a little Heywards t-shirt action … Bait Shop shirt … ?”

He let go of you distastefully, instantly salivating for the contact again. Walking over to the wooden drawers of his dresser, pulling out multiple options— signaling you to come over and pick.

“Surprise me.”

And you turn around, facing the emptiness of his room, that wasn’t his room, but nonetheless. Rummaging was heard as he hummed and mumbled minuscule things to himself.

“Turn around, pretty girl.”

An off-black brownish t-shirt is thrown into your hands. A decor in the upper left side that read ‘Sex Wax Est 2005’, font circular and embellished with stars on either end.

“Your turn-“

He was already turning around, the gentlemen that he prided on being. You grinned at the cotton beneath your digits, bringing it up to your nose— though it had been washed, his powerful musk still retained it. The silky sensation of yeasty beer and a freshly rolled blunt encompassed your senses.

“Need more time?”

“Just a second, J.”

If only he knew your fixation was obsessive beforehand.

“I’ll just be here … y’know ... missin' my girl."

Feet away, physical touch being his love language fully had a choke hold on him per usual.

After you were done with your inspection you pulled the thin material of your cropped cami past your shoulders, bra clasped tight to your back. Leaving you to remove those lacey pocketed shorts that adorned your body; his shirt lazily pulled past your head, drowning you in its bigger size, falling just to your mid thigh.

The sole way to sleep with JJ disclosed.

You felt more his than you ever had in the past; claiming his array of bib and tucker with exuberance.

His baby suffocating in him.

You cleared your throat gesturing for him to turn around, his mouth gaping open as he's awe struck; open long enough that you were impressed something didn't fly in it.

"Shit you look better than me!"

Ogle eyes whilst his mouth formed a tight-lipped smile, stomach churning and insides wavering at the woman he chose to take part in his life with him.

It may be a shirt to most, but with his person inside of it made it all the more nostalgic, heart growing tender.

"C'mere gotta get a better look at you."

Following suit you step forward to him, lips instantly connecting with your jaw with pure infatuation.

"S'perfect baby."

"Yeah? Think I can pass as the new JJ Maybank?" In the same position the two of you were in minutes ago, except grins are wider and souls aching all the more for eachother; and you mocked him.

"Pass me a beer and a J."

[raribella]

Love is Embarrassing | JJ Maybank

summary: although JJ had promised your brother he wouldn’t ever hurt you, you saw him kissing Kie while you were on a break.

pairing: JJ Maybank x Routledge!reader

genre: emotionally heavy anst, fluff in the end

contains: reader being a real bitch, mentions of Luke and parental abuse, inspired by some songs in the album “GUTS” by Olivia Rodrigo, kinda shitty ending but let me know.

word count: 2,7k

author’s note: alright I know I’ve been MIA and a bitch and I haven’t posted anything in months (worse if you see how much stuff is on my “upcoming works” section), but I’ve just had a lot of ideas, little time and little confidence to write. one of my best friends just showed me obx and I’m in love with this blonde and I got (I think) a spoiler about him and Kie and I just had to do something with my feelings.

This is a work of fiction. I do not own the characters of Outer Banks nor any characteristic of the show. I am writing this story solely for my own entertainment and the marvel or comfort of any readers.

“If I fuck up with her that might as well be the last thing I do in my life, John B! I mean it!”

the words that JJ heatedly uttered to your twin brother the day he found out about the two of you were repeating over and over in your head right now. You remembered it all too well; John B was seething, absolutely pissed, seeing red. You and JJ Maybank knew each other for as long as he and your brother were best friends, when you turned 14, he declared to all the Pogues that you were off limits, and about two months ago, you and JJ started seeing each other. One month into it and JB discovered you, which was easy considering JJ already spent most of his time with both of you at the Chateau. JJ promised his best friend that he wouldn’t fuck up with you because two things mattered the most for him in this life; their friendship, and yourself.

But as of lately, he was having some problems with Luke and he asked for some time “out” so he could figure his shit out without involving or hurting you and you disagreed but you’d do pretty much anything in this world for this man so you decided to say yes.

To his bullshit.

Bullshit, you figured out about half an hour ago, when you heard a confusing conversation between him and Kiara – the perfect one – and when you went outside to track the noise, you saw them kissing.

You were fifteen minutes late to leave for the weekly kegger and you forced yourself to lock yourself in the bathroom and call in sick – because that you were, and you wouldn’t handle being out partying and pretending like seeing the kooks, and seeing them two wouldn’t make you feel the same type of nausea at this moment.

Sarah was the third person to try and make you get out of the bathroom. The first being your brother and the second, Pope. Although you were thankful neither JJ nor Kie had tried to talk to you, when you heard your best friend’s voice, you were actually starting to feel sick, you were having a migraine from holding tears up, and you were sweating.

“Y/n, come on! You were so excited to come not even an hour ago, we’re already late and I don’t see why wouldn’t you want to come”

Your vision was blurry as you palmed the door and laid your forehead on it. Sarah realized that you really weren’t coming when she heard your voice crack.

“Sarah please, just, go on out without me this one time, I need not to be there right now and I also need to be alone please don’t ask me questions I can’t handle to answer you this moment I promise-“

As you rambled, she frowned from the other side of the door. Making sure to get everyone to leave for the Kegger, to try and remember asking you about this later on, and to reassure John B that you were actually okay.

You’ve been successfully avoiding JJ for about two weeks now. It started with enough discretion, allegedly going to the bathroom every time he entered a room, or offering everyone any snacks you would spend too much time preparing in the kitchen. For him, it started getting obvious when you looked the other way when he looked at you at the beach, or when you refused to surf and, as of recently, started slamming the doors on him. JJ was getting pissed at this rate. He started by simply frowning and brushing it off, but you couldn’t just keep slamming doors and not even looking at him, and if everyone else noticed, they just wouldn’t budge! The worst part is that he didn’t know what had happened nor if he could fix it. You understood him when he told you he needed time to figure out some stuff with Luke, but the truth was he was still very much freaked out about that. He still loved you, and he couldn’t afford to see you like this anymore, especially when such behavior was being directed at him. JJ missed you. Even if he couldn’t really figure his shit out, he missed you screaming at the top of your lungs as you entered the sea, he missed your smile, your laidback grin that he was the only receiver of, he missed your colorful bikinis, and how they embraced your features as you would jump onto every wooden swing near the shore, your curly hair flying everywhere filled with salt spray. He just missed you, the real you. And he had to talk to you to see if there was even a chance that he could get you back.

You, on the other hand, kept avoiding the questioning looks the pogues would send you every time you were harsh or avoidant at JJ, your brother even attempted to talk to you, silently, just with glances, and figure out if his best friend had hurt you. But even if he did, it only hurt because you loved him too much, and you decided it was best to protect him from John B’s wrath. You felt embarrassed whenever Kiara questioned you with her eyes as well; you felt embarrassed to be near her. You kept crucifying yourself and both her and JJ because of everything, often zoning out of the conversation and just bitterly reminiscing about the times you consoled your boyfriend as he cried late at night in your room, being gentle with his bruises. – thinking how could you be so stupid? giving up everything, betting on him against your brother’s better judgment. You kept paying attention to Kie and how, since that day, she looked like the sweetest thing of the Cut, the fucking hell-side of the island. Her perfume lingered in the air even at the beach and made you feel sick; you saw her everywhere now, even when you looked at him. You saw the scene of them kissing. Feeling every word she would utter toward you in conversation like bullets on your skin. As it was torture how she was the greatest thing to ever exist – how everyone loved her, how she was so much better than you; poisoning everything that you do and still being the sweetest friend, making you despise how rotten your mind was; how jealous your eyes were.

You were bottled up to the brim.

It started out simple enough. JJ had noticed everyone was doing their own thing at the Chateau; John B was absent for the time being, and you were alone on the couch, fidgeting, focused on whatever. It seemed like the perfect window to try and have an actual conversation about what’s been happening. He just didn’t expect it all to escalate so quickly. He didn’t expect you to have seen a part of his conversation with Kiara about his dad – but not everything, not the ending. – He hadn’t expected a conversation with you of all people to become a bomb with a short fuse that would explode into feelings tainted crimson. watching you bleed, making him bleed all over for you.

"Pogues don't mack on pogues, y/n! this shit freaked me out, your brother finding out freaked me out, yeah, even if he’s my best friend and I was afraid that-”

“Oh, so you go ‘round and fucking get with Kiara?! this is fucking bullshit, JJ! bullshit-

“Y/n, listen to me!”

You both were screaming, Kie’s eyes went wide as she tried calling your name as well but you had already started crying and couldn’t pay attention to anyone but him. At this point, as John B arrived at the Chateau and followed the noise, the people around you calming you down couldn’t be sure if they were afraid of his arrival or actually relieved. You kept interrupting each other. JJ pulled his hair and you pointed at yourself and to your side – as if Kiara was still there – strength marking red fingertips above your chest.

“‘Cause she’s not even a real pogue, right?! that’s why you got so confident about it, huh?”

it was almost as if the room went silent. Kiara decided to step outside to give you space; to take a moment to breathe in and take notice that you didn’t mean that. She was sure you didn’t. The rest of the group started to move aside as well although they could obviously still hear the commotion. Only you, John B, and JJ were in the living room. Your brother grabbed your shoulders from behind trying to ground you in any way he could, JJ growing nervous at the rate of the conversation and his friend’s presence.

You looked into his eyes and it was as if the blue in them was slowly fading, his eyebrows shot up and his mouth twisted in a clearly upset frown. As tears stained your cheeks, pride still overpowering your shame and feelings pent up, you started with more meaningless empty jabs, which, said angrily enough, would only make JJ bleed more as he fell silent himself.

“I really loved you, you know? You gotta laugh at the stupidity.. right? Come on you were going around doing that shit and I swear JJ I used to think was really smart… I was just a mesmerizing, paralyzing, fucked-up little thrill for you, tho… best friend’s little twin… ridiculous.”

At that, John B diverted his attention toward his friend with stern questioning eyes. JJ gulped.

“Look, man I just really need to talk to her and explain myself, ‘aight? I didn’t do what- Things are really not what they seem right now and I need her to-“

“Fuck, JJ, that’s bullshit! How can you not even flinch when you fucking lie like that! Things are just like what they seem you never even fucking loved me! You can’t love anyone, ‘cause that would mean you had a heart, right? But you’re a fucking Maybank! And I really tried to help you out all this time but now I know that I can’t!”

You were calming down, but exploded again, as the words left your mouth though, you started regretting them, the most deeply someone could ever regret anything maybe, worsening by the second as you saw the man you still loved muttering a small “no”, cracking at your words and shedding a tear. As Kiara heard what you said from the outside, she didn’t even think before bursting into the house again, turning every head in her direction.

“Y/n you’re spiraling and you’re saying things you’ll fucking regret! I kissed him, alright?! This is my fault. He stopped me, he loves you and he wouldn’t do that, okay?”

Though the words she was muttering were calming you down, she was calling you out, she was absolutely mad at what you said about JJ’s father because she had context and it was really fucked up. You felt small.

“Kiss?!” John B asked, his eyebrows shooting up. It wasn’t his intention to aggravate the situation but it was his little sister involved. JJ tried to start talking and explain the situation – which Kiara had left him to, but he could really only think about one thing.

“I- uh… did you mean it? What you said.”

JJ rarely expressed any sign of vulnerability, so as his voice broke, you felt like your heart did too, rushing to explain yourself now, and trying to get closer to him.

“I didn’t mean it, J, I really didn’t! God, I don’t even know how you can still even look at me right now I’m so sorry I was just so fucking broken at the idea of you che- of losing you, and I- I thought you had found someone else and I damn near started world war III right now and it’s just because I love you so much and I know you don’t deserve another fucked up demonstration of love, you deserve to feel so good, Jay, and I’m really sorry, I love you so so much, and I will understand if you never-“

You were interrupted by the shock of his own body against yours. The both of you were panting, crying, completely tired sighs leaving each mouth as if this was all going on for days and you were so hurt, yet needing each other so much. John B and Kiara were ‘okay’ enough with the newfound situation to leave you both to your own devices again, and you just clung to one another, sitting on the floor for what felt like hours until he decided to speak again.

“Y/n… I asked for us to take some time because it was becoming too real, y’know? What we felt for each other.. it was, touchable- it is. And when everyone else found out, and then John B… You know I don’t talk about this usually, not with anyone but you, but I didn’t want my dad to find out about us, to find out about you. I don’t want him knowing what you are for me I don’t want him knowing that laying a single finger on you can be worse than any punch he could throw my way. And I wanted to figure this out without you knowing about it because you’d say it’s fine, and I-“

As your mind processes his words, you start to think how in the world you got a man whose the first concern about a monster of a father would be you. How could you deserve it, especially after what you had insinuated about him. “It is! It’s fine, honey, we can-“

“No, y/n it’s not fine because I don’t ever want you to even worry your pretty little head about a situation like that, y’know? And It’s not fine because the pogues are my family and the love I feel for you, if anything would happen to you because of him I’ll be damned, damned, and in jail for murder, you can trust me I will.”

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. All you could do was keep the hold you had on each other, slightly caressing his head.

“Since I didn’t want you to know about it, I went to Kie, that night of the Kegger, and she tried to help me and she said she loved me and I did too but then she kissed me and I assume it’s what you saw but I did step back, I promise! I told her off… Y/n I told your brother that if I intentionally hurt you, if I fucked up with you like this then that might as well be the last thing I did in my life and I mean it. I love you so much, little Routledge, and I’m all in now. We can figure shit out as we go but as long as we have each other, okay?”

As JJ spoke, he held your hands, reassuring you at the end. Hours had passed ever since you started talking, so when the pogues felt everything was calmer they decided to go back in the house slowly – figure out how you were, what were the plans for the night.

“Do you really forgive me for what I said? I will understand, J, I’m so, so sorry, I love you so much” You touched your forehead with his, and JJ sighed, shaking his head slightly. “I love you. I love you, y/n… can’t be without you.”

And as you both kissed each other as if you were making up for ages lost, Sarah smiled at the corner of the room, John B interrupting the show. “Come on with the PDA, love birds… What are we doing tonight, then?” He half-heartedly scolded as you got up, hand glued to the blonde's. You let out a big sigh again, before brushing them off with an honest, but half-assed excuse, already making the way to your room.

“I mean, you could go to Heyward’s… I think we’ll just lie down a bit.. ‘twas kinda draining…” you saw a bunch of side smiles as the group left through the door, Sarah grinned, letting out a puff of air through her nose, and when Pope went to close the door, he screamed back in the direction of your room, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” which earned a scream back from an already lying down JJ, “might as well not do anything!” and for the first time in a while, you laughed, making your way to lie on top of him, his embrace being all you needed.

“You know… we could go out to surf tomorrow,” he offered, still missing the sight of a happy you, your bikini, and the ocean.

“First thing in the morning.” You answered.

[wordsarelife]

—how you get the girl 

pairing: jj maybank x fem!routledge!reader

summary: the pogues don’t seem to be on the same page at dealing with your break up

warnings: cussing, fighting

notes: this was originially planned as my get him back fic for the guts masterlist, but i realised, that it didn't really fit the theme, so i just finished it differently lol

chaotic is my favorite type of genre... so enjoy!!!

"shit" kiara bend down and grabbed the book that just came flying out of the window

"oh they aren't done yet" said pope, outstretching his hand and catching another flying book.

"should we.. say something?" sarah looked at her friends questingly

"hell nah" john b shook his head

"this is just normal behaviour for them" kie let herself fall down in the lounge chair

"normal?" asked sarah, before she screeched in shock, diving out of the way before the shoe could hit her

"yeah" shrugged pope "we're used to this by now"

"aren't you like scared that you sister will get hurt?" sarah turned her head to john b, who just shrugged

"she's the one throwing things"

"o-kay" sarah sat down beneath the window in the hope to not get hit with anything "i'm sorry that i'm just grasping that now, but aren't they like in a happy relationship? why don't they just break up if they don't get along?"

"they never break up" said kiara "they don't fight often, but when they do, it's over"

"believe me, you don't want to be near them when it happens" john b exchanged a look with pope "one time pope accidently walked in on them fighting and y/n screamed at him"

"she's worse than my mother" said pope and he looked like he was having war flashbacks

"he cried" concluded kiara

"oh wow" sarah nodded, slowly understanding what was going on

the group stopped talking as the door got opened and jj and y/n stepped outside.

"hey guys!" kiara smiled innocently and sarah quickly noticed that it was best to act as if they didn't hear what had been going on "how are you both?"

"oh just fine" you said, smiling at your friends "jj and i broke up"

"you did what?" john b leaned forward and kiara mirrored his shocked facial expression

"so.. this is not normal, yeah?" whispered sarah, leaning over to pope

"eh, this never happened before" replied pope while not taking his eyes off of the broken up couple, watching them like a hawk

"we decided that it would be best if we ended things" jj said shrugging "it's as simple as that"

"simple?" asked kiara and she looked like her eye was twitching

"yes..?" you asked, not quiet grasping why everyone was so upset about your break up

"you've been dating for the past four years" john b flailed his arms dramatically "you can't just break up!"

"of course we can" you argued "because we just did"

jj looked at the time on his phone, before he held it up in your direction. "it's half past two"

"alright" you stood up and followed jj off the patio

"wait, where are you going?" kiara looked between you both and the rest of your friends

"i'll take her to work and then help my cousin in the workshop"

no one said a word at that and you guys left.

pope looked between his friends, shock still evident on his face. "so this is the new normal?" he whispered

"relax, they can't hear you" sarah laughed and all eyes went to her. none of the other found anything remotely funny in that moment

"i jinxed it" murmured kiara "i told sarah that they never break up and look where it's gotten us"

"why do you freak out about this?" asked sarah confused "i mean, of course it's sad, but if they say it's for the better?"

"uncharted territory, baby" john b declared dramatically

"yeah" kiara nodded "they are happy for a long time, then they have a big fight, they make up, which is disgusting, but works and then.. rinse and repeat"

"you got used to them dating so we can just get used to them.. not dating, right?" sarah questioned

"it's not this easy" kiara shook her head

"yeah, they've been together since puberty started and i think that had a big impact on who they are now" john b explained

"that's ridiculous" sarah laughed "she's your sister, you know her better than anyone"

"i knew her when she was dating jj and before that when she was pining after jj" john b gasped "i don't think i know her without him in the picture"

"john b" sarah sighed. she couldn't really believe what was going on right now. the pogues had always been pretty chill and normal, well obviously not when it came to the dating life of their friends

"he's right" pope said, interrupting sarah's train of thought. "you know jj and y/n, sarah. they are pretty unpredictable, but while they were together they would calm each other down"

"now they are like two wandering fire hazards" kiara exclaimed

"okay" sarah sighed "when you're so worried" she thought for a second "why don't we split up and watch them until they are done with the break up and hopefully not co-dependent anymore"

"pope?" john b turned to the boy

"it could work" pope nodded "as long as we keep possible outbreaks to a down low and maybe keep them away from each other, no one will get hurt"

"you're talking as if they would actually errupt like a volcano"

"we aren't joking, sarah" kie looked to the boys "the week before they started dating, the chateau nearly burned down"

sarah just nodded silently, not quiet believing what she was hearing, she would change her mind pretty quickly

sarah and kie drove to the ice cream shop you were working at, while pope and john b watched visited jj at his cousin's workshop

"ladies" you smiled as you noticed kie and sarah sitting at a table you served.

"hey girl" kie smiled brightly and sarah send her a confused look, until kie slapped her arm

sarah made a surprised sound, before she quickly said the first thing she could think of "howdy"

you send her a puzzled look, before you left the menu "i'll be back in a few minutes to take your orders" then you left the table still watching them suspiciously

"howdy?" kie asked horrified

"it's the first thing that came to mind"

"this is gonna be a long day" kie murmured "hopefully the boys are better at this than we are"

pope and john b had managed to be even worse

"so..uh single huh?" pope outstretched his arm to lean against the car jj was working on, but underestimated the distance and nearly knocked the mirror off

"relax, okay?" john b whispered

jj got up from under the car "i guess, yeah"

"so how about a tinder account?" before jj could answer pope's question john b had elbowed him in the stomach. pope bend over

"okay, what going on with you? you are acting stranger than usual" jj looked from one to the other

"we're.. adjusting" john b explained

"yeah, you and y/n have been together for forever"

"hhm" jj nodded "we dated a pretty long time"

"yeah, you shouldn't just give up on such a long relationship"

"i don't know guys" jj walked around the car to open the hood "we decided this together and she seemed happy with the decision"

"i bet she's crushed and just didn't want you to know" pope argued

"yeah" john b nodded enthusiastically "you know y/n, she's always trying to be tough. she's with the girls right now, i bet she's feeling horrible"

"i just feel so relived, you know?" you were currently joining sarah and kie at their table while you were on your break. each of you devouring your ice cream.

"you go, girl!" sarah encouraged

"i mean the time we were together was amazing, but i just think we need to let it go"

"do you still love him?" kie asked leaning forward

"i guess" you shrugged "i don't think you can just stop doing that"

"i think you made the right decision" sarah nodded and kie send her a wide eyed look "you should know when a relationship isn't worth staying for"

"you're right" you looked at your phone to check the time "thanks guys, but i need to get back to work" you stood up from the table and walked back into the kitchen

"okay what was that?"

"what?" sarah "i just tried to help"

"by telling her she made the right choice?"

"she didn't?"

"yes…no" kie shook her head "i don't know, okay? what i do know is that it's always been y/n and jj as long as i've known them. they might seem fine, but nothing will ever be the same and they were really great together"

"that might be true, kie" sarah smiled emphatically "but we need to respect our friends decision. and when y/n thinks she made the right one then we have to trust her" kie nodded slowly "we cannot force them to upkeep a relationship, just because we are scared that their break up will destroy the friend group"

"you're right"

after your shift ended you left the shop together with kie and sarah, who had waited for you. "you really didn't have to wait for me" you smiled while you climbed in the backseat of kie's car.

"no problem" kie smiled

"we just want you to know that we're here for you" sarah turned around to look at you "to catch you if you should fall"

"o-kay" you breathed confused "why would that happen exactly?"

"are you kidding?" sarah laughed "you just left a long term relationship, no need to hold back your tears"

"i don't really do crying"

"alright" kie interrupted, before sarah could give you anymore unsolicited advice "let's just get you home"

"so you really think it's worth another shot?" jj stood infront of the flower shop. pope and john b to each side of him

"she will so happy to have you back" john b encouraged

"yeah, bet she's crying her eyes out right now" pope grinned

"bro" john b shook his head at the boy

"y/n doesn't cry" jj said absently his eyes on the yellow chrysanthemums "okay" he nodded "i'll do it"

"there you go brother" john b patted his shoulder while pushing him towards the entry

pope and john b waited outside the shop for jj to return, while jj was being advised by a girl that seemed to be working in the shop. pope snapped a quick picture of jj inside the flower shop and send it to kie

you were sitting on your bed in the chateau, while kie and sarah were preparing snacks for you in the kitchen. they had practically begged to wait in your room.

your eyes flew over the words on your book page, when a sudden sound peeked your interest. it was kie's phone that had just received a message. your curiosity got the better of you and you unlocked the phone.

pope had sent a photo of jj inside a flower shop a cute girl talking to him. your eyes grew big and then you noticed the caption that sealed the deal. how you get the girl

it was almost instantly that tears blurred your vision and you wiped them away in confusion. you turned kie's phone around and got up from the bed, sitting down on the floor in front of it, opening the drawer underneath it.

the drawer was filled with jj's things and memories of your time together. that made you cry even more. you grabbed the first hoodie you could find and pulled it over your head. then you sorted through all the stuff, your bedroom floor quickly being filled with things from your past.

"woah" sarah nearly lost her hold on the bowl of chips as she noticed you on the floor "seems like she does cry" she whispered in kiara's direction

"hey sweetheart" kie sat down on the ground beside you and opened her arms so you could crawl into them

"he's moving on so fast" you cried "i want him to be happy, but not with my favorite taylor swift song"

sarah and kie exchanged a confused look 'what is she talking about?' sarah mouthed, but kie just shrugged

"guys?" john b's voice could be heard from the front door "jj is with us"

the mention of his name made you cry even harder

"could you deal with that?" kie asked and sarah nodded, walking out of the room

"i don't think she should see you right now"

"what's wrong with her?" john b asked worriedly

"she's crying"

"y/n's crying?" jj put the flowers on the kitchen counter and tried to walk around sarah

"yeah" sarah shrugged "we told her the break up was the right thing to do and she seemed fine. but now she's crying her eyes out"

"y/n doesn't cry, sarah" jj seemed serious now

"you told her the break up was the right decision?" john b asked and sarah nodded

"we told jj the opposite" pope whispered loudly

"i can hear you" jj rolled his eyes "can i see her, please?"

sarah stepped aside and jj walked into your bedroom, followed by the rest of your friends

"y/n" he said as he noticed your crying form

you looked up at his voice and jj's heart broke as he noticed your sad expression, but then your face quickly changed. you seemed angrier than any of your friends had ever seen you. you got up and tried to charge at jj, luckily kiara could hold you back just before you were able to hit jj with an uppercut

"woah" jj raised his hands jumping back at your outbreak

"my favorite taylor swift song? really, jj?" you screamed and tried to free yourself from kie, but her hold wouldn't budge

"what are you talking about?" jj screamed back

"the flower shop girl" you cried "you obviously moved on quicker than i did"

jj send a panicked look in his friends direction. “how do you know about the flower shop?”

“so you admit to flirting with her?”

“no?” jj asked baffled “so?” he urged

“i read a text pope send to kie” you shamefully admitted, reaching for the phone on the bed and holding it in jj’s direction.

his eyes flew over the display quickly, looking at the photo and reading the caption. “how you get the girl, pope? really?” he was as angry as you had been a second ago and could now totally understand how you had misinterpreted the photo without it’s context

pope looked guilty. “he was getting flowers for you, y/n!” he tried to explain “i just took a photo without context but i was hinting the song at jj getting you back! you have to believe me”

you looked at the boy and saw the sincerity in his eyes. “i do” you nodded “where are they?” you turned your head at jj

“where is who?”

“the flowers” you rolled your eyes but he could see a smile forming on your face

“they’re in the kitchen”

you followed him out of the room, where he presented you with the flowers. “you got yellow chrysanthemums for me?” you said softly tears welling up in your eyes again

“i think you permanently changed her” he joked to pope, who smiled uncomfortably. jj turned back to you “of course baby, i would do anything if i can get you back. breaking up was the dumbest decision ever, don’t you think?”

“yeah” you laughed. “broke your heart i’ll put it back together” you whispered, leaning your forehead against his.

“i would wait forever and ever” jj smiled, and then he kissed you and all was well.

“and that, my friends, is how you get the girl” said sarah, crossing her arms happily, all while she ignored her friends protests at her not really seeing the importance of the situation like they had all begged her to at first. instead she just watched y/n and jj kiss and smile at each other.

[darby-rowe]

jj maybank would be the typa guy to walk into your room, flex, then leave — all without saying a word.

[pank0w]

When you read a really good fic but then after ur done reading it, realising that it was a part of a series so now your dying because now you’ve ruined it.

[alyswritings]

Panic Attack

Request: Could u possibly do a jj maybank and sister has a really bad panic attack and jj just helps her through it and is really sweet? Thanks, love your writings 💜💜

JJ Maybank x sister!reader

Summary: JJ helps his sister with a panic attack.

Warnings: panic attacks, anxiety, luke yelling

a/n: thanks for the request! hope you all enjoy! also if you want/don't want to be tagged, lmk! unrelated, i am in love with his dimple.

(gif not mine)

Y/N races to JJ's room once she's certain he's in there after encountering Luke. She shuts and locks the door, the boy sitting on his bed, hands buried in his hair as he silently fumes.

"You're both useless pieces of shit! Your mama knew it! I know it! Your stupid friends know it!" Luke shouts over the blaring rock music.

Luke pounds on the door making Y/N jump, letting a small whimper out. She stumbles away from the door as he continues to hit the door. She quickly sits on the floor, curling up into a ball as she feels her breathing pick up and her hands start shaking.

Luke continues to shout insults and crude words, JJ fighting every urge to go out and fight back. He hears a quiet sob, his head snapping over to his sister.

"Y/N." He mumbles, rushing over to her. "Hey, hey." He sits in front of her. Y/N shakes her head, tears racing down her face as she gasps for air. "Y/N, hey, look at me." JJ cups the sides of her head, forcing her to face him. "Look at me, I'm right here. Follow my breathing." He slowly breathes in, waiting for her to attempt it. He lets out the breath, Y/N struggling to copy him.

They repeat a few times, Y/N still struggling, but getting better after a few more attempts.

"There we go, kiddo. We're gettin' there." JJ says, continuing to encourage her. "It's okay."

Y/N gets a deep breath in before Luke slams on the door again causing the girl to sob, the progress going down the drain.

"No, no, hey, hey. Keep breathing. Keep breathing, Y/N/N." JJ encourages, Y/N trying to follow his instructions. "I'm right here. Focus on me, okay? Don't listen to him." JJ slides his hands so his palms cover her ears, hoping to block their father out.

JJ kisses her on the forehead, quietly repeating reassurances to her.

After a while, she gets her lungs to work, taking slow, long breaths.

"There we go." JJ coos. "Great job, kid. C'mere." He pulls her into a tight hug. "You're okay. It's okay. He can't get us." Y/N sniffles, hiding her face in his shoulder. "I got you. Just you and me."

"What if he breaks the door?" Y/N mumbles, her words muffled from his shirt.

"Not gonna happen." JJ assures. "Come on. We can sneak out and go to the chateau, okay? Go fishing or something? Or just take a nap if you want. Sound good?" Y/N sniffles and nods, rubbing her nose. "Okay. Come on." He kisses her on the head before getting up and getting his stuff.

JJ quietly opens his window, climbing out. He helps Y/N out and then shuts the window.

"Let's go." He whispers, grabbing her hand and dragging her over to his motorcycle. "Here. Wear this." He gives her the helmet that only she ever wears -- despite her constant worries for him to wear it.

Y/N doesn't argue as she puts the helmet on her head, buckling the straps underneath her chin. She climbs on after him, tightly holding onto him as he speeds away.

Taglist: @glxwingrxse @venomsvl @wildieflower @aliciacat20 @allyson15 @gabbylovesreading @mrvlxgrl @star-wars-lover @champomiel @ironmaiden1313

[mildkleptomaniac]

type one — jj maybank x cameron!reader

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭:  “ Hey! Do you think you could do an imagine where the reader is Sarah’s twin and all the pogues are at a party or on the boat and her blood sugar drops really low (she has type one diabetes) and her pump keeps beeping. She is mid passing out, not feeling good and rafe has her Insulin so little bit of big brother rafe worried about his little sister and JJ and her not being together yet but he was super worried about her (like all of the pogues tbh). Thanks xxxx I really love your writing 🥺 every time you post something it makes my day ”

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: fainting, almost passing out,

𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆: my boyfriend is type 1 and i really tried my best remembering everything he has to go through. hope this is accurate enough and y’all enjoy!! we love a sweet brother rafe and caring jj. 

Summer, the season of warmth and light, a time of vitality and Boneyard parties. Air filled with salty atmosphere and the smoke of the bonfire. Teenagers trickled onto the beach, dragging kegs in the sand, chairs, and stereos. Partiers shed layers of clothing to embrace the heat and the warmth of the bodies next to them. 

Y/N savored the Boneyard parties, enjoying her time with friends and her siblings, the drinks, and the people-watching. She fell into a rhythm of dancing with one of her twin’s boyfriend’s friends, JJ. Sarah mentioned JJ occasionally, but Y/N was surprised at how well they clicked. The first time JJ and Y/N met, he gave her a cold shoulder–until she assisted him in winning a Beer Pong game. 

After several drinks and dancing the night away, Y/N began to feel light-headed. JJ kept his hands around her waist as she slowed down, the scenery around her became spinning. Racking through ideas of why she felt like this–she’d forgotten to take her blood sugar before leaving the house. 

The music and the conversations drowned out the sound of her insulin pump beeping loudly, signaling her blood sugar increased dangerously high. She couldn’t seem to focus on anything around her before her pump began vibrating in her pocket. If she wasn’t light-headed enough, the vibration made it worse. 

“I need to sit down,” Y/N muttered, pulling away from JJ’s grasp. His brows furrow, still holding onto her waist before sitting her down on some driftwood. Weaker and weaker, Y/N began fumbling with her pump. Dread coursed through her at the epiphany she ran out of insulin. Her mouth felt parched.

“JJ–Where’s Sarah?” Her voice was weak, as she glanced around the party to find her twin. Sarah and Y/N were never separated for long, before they knew it, Sarah spotted her sister and raced over.

“Hey, what’s going on?” She questioned before the realization of the situation hit her. 

“Her pump keeps beeping and–”

“Sarah, get Rafe–he has the glucagon in his car–” Y/N waved her hand, limply. 

Her twin didn’t need to hear anymore before Sarah and the rest of the Pogues hunt down Rafe Cameron. JJ held Y/N in his arms, stroking her hair as she lay there, hoping to calm her down. He kept small talk, making sure she didn’t actually pass out. On the edge of his seat, he kept looking for his friends or Rafe, hoping they’d come back soon with insulin for Y/N. 

Explicitly, JJ never stated his feelings for the Cameron twin, but the Pogues picked up on it by his constant desire to be within arms reach or asking if she’d be joining them today on whatever adventures they voyaged on. 

If she wasn’t feeling like passing out, she would be embarrassed. Being seen as weak and vulnerable in front of others was deemed to be her worst fear. JJ’s words blurred together as her hearing faded in and out, her vision becoming hazy.

“Come here, Y/N” Rafe spoke, now supporting his younger sister. Despite Y/N and Sarah being twins, Rafe and she had an unspoken bond. The sibling relationship held no jealousy, but empathy for each other’s struggles and relationships with their father. No competition or underlying hatred–something Rafe held against Sarah for being the favorite child. “I got you, let’s get this going for you.”

Rafe fumbled with the device, despite training for this emergency multiple times. JJ watched him kneel down beside his sister, and the hatred between the two disappeared. Rafe never approved of his sisters hanging out with the Pogues, but when it came to Y/N and her diabetes, nothing mattered anymore.

As the insulin started to take effect, Y/N started to feel better. Rafe and JJ sat with her, keeping her company until she became fully conscious again. Rafe held her hand, stroking his thumb over it. Seeing his sister in such a distressed state only made things worse for Rafe–not wanting to get the backlash from their father. Y/N constantly reminded him that her diabetes would never be his fault if something bad happened to her–she made sure Ward knew too. 

 Pope, Kie, and the couple watched over Y/N s well, worried that they would have to call an ambulance. 

"Thanks, Rafe," Y/N said, feeling grateful. "I'm sorry I'm such a burden and killing the mood."

Rafe chuckled. "You're not a burden," he said. "You're my little sister. I'll always be here to take care of you." A side of Rafe Cameron not many people witness. If anything were to happen to his siblings, under his watch, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. 

The night ended shortly after, Pope offering to drive Y/N home s she could fill her pump with insulin. Accepting his offer, JJ rode in the backseat with the Cameron girl. Her head rested on his shoulder, Pope peeking through the rearview mirror to make sure nothing else went awry. The two helped her inside, not wanting to leave until she made herself comfortable, fixed her pump, and got some light food and water in her. 

“Thank you, Pope,” She wrapped his arms around him. She knew how much he disliked Rafe–just relieved neither JJ nor Pope let their feelings get in the way of her health. Letting go, she faced the blonde. 

Pope waited in the car, allowing the two to talk privately. 

“I was hoping we’d have more time together tonight to dance and talk.” She confessed. JJ laughed, nodding his head. He wished the night didn’t end the way it did as well. 

“Hm, maybe tomorrow we can make up for a lost time–only if you remember to take care of yourself.”

[obx-paradise]

What Happened To You?

Summary: You and Rafe have always been close but when you both get involved in the chase for the gold on opposing teams, some things change

Pairing: Rafe x Adopted sibling!reader; JJ x Cameron!reader (if you squint)

Warnings: Violence, Manipulation, Basically all of the shows warnings

Word Count: 2.7k

—

Growing up as a Cameron was easy. You got everything handed to you on a silver platter, as did all the other Cameron siblings.

Your mom and dad weren’t sure if they were going to be able to have any more children after Sarah came along so they decided to adopt since they always wanted a minimum of 3 children.

It came as a shock when they found out that she was pregnant with another baby, Wheezie.

That’s how they ended up with you as a part of their family.

Growing up, you had a strong bond with Rafe. Your mom would tell you that he had always loved you, from the first time he saw you at 3 years old he wanted to help his mom take care of you. She said it was the same way with Sarah but as you got older you saw that it wasn’t.

Rafe never treated you and Sarah the same. He was gentle with you, not to say he wasn't with Sarah, he just wasn’t as kind. It was a different kind of relationship. 

Although being a Cameron had its benefits, you didn’t want your last name to define you. You weren’t some rich stuck-up asshole who uses their money to gain power. You were a kind-spirited, humble person. 

Over the years, you had been taught that the people who had less than you were less than you. You grew out of that once you met the one person who would change that whole perspective. 

—

You had been assigned an experiment in school that day and you had to pick a location and do a good deed.

What better place to go than the cut. 

You were walking from house to house, knocking on doors, asking if anyone needed help with anything. Most people, knowing who you were, said yes but unfortunately the jobs were too big for a 13-year-old so you weren't able to do them. 

Finally, you came up to a house that didn’t look to be in the best condition. The door opened and standing there was a boy. You had seen him around Figure Eight doing odd jobs here and there. His name was JJ. He was cute. He looked like he was as old as you, 13 maybe 14 years old. No older than that.

You began to recite the same speech you had given to everyone who opened their door for you. It’s engraved in your brain at this point. You were tired and if he refused then you would probably go home and try again another day.

“Hi! My name is Y/n. I’m doing an experiment for a school project where I find someone who needs help with anything around their home, and I do it for them. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Rather than accepting your offer, he said, “Do I look like I need help?”

As confused as you were you answered with, “Um… yeah kinda. It could be anything like washing your car, cutting your grass or cleaning your porch. Anything like that.”

You were desperate for him to say yes to anything you had just suggested. You needed an A on this project considering you were close to failing the class.

It was the only class you had a C in and you needed to pass, or your dad would sit you down and talk about how doing the best you can is all he could ever want but you know that he wants you to be the best. 

“You’re a kook?” he asked you as he stepped out on the porch and closed the door behind him

“Yeah, I guess. I don’t see how that matters though”

“It matters because we don’t take charity” He seemed very set on his answer

“Well, it’s not –” You were cut off by the sound of glass breaking coming from inside his house, then by the door flying open. You immediately saw JJ freeze and tense up at the sound of the man's voice. 

“JJ! Boy, what are you doing out here!? Get your ass inside!”

JJ looked at you with what looked like fear in his eyes. “You need to get out of here. Now.”

You went to question why but before you could, the man, who you assumed was his dad, grabbed him by the arm and dragged him inside. Looking back at you he yelled one last “Go!” before the door was shut behind him. Leaving you standing on his porch, worried, thinking about him.

—

Ever since then, you visited him almost every day because you were worried about him. Over time you both became good friends then, eventually, best friends. 

When he introduced you to the rest of the pogues you felt a sense of comfort that you had never felt while you were around your other friends. 

You knew that this was going to be your new normal. Hanging out on the cut with your best friends, with not a care in the world.

You have been shielded your whole life and although you like the safety of it all, you wanted some excitement. 

So when you got involved in everything with the Royal Merchant and the gold you realized that you had gotten what you wished for. Later on, you found out that Sarah had also gotten involved along with the shock of her dating John B. 

You and Sarah had a good but complicated relationship. She’s your sister and you love her but you couldn’t help but be jealous of her at times. But not always.

She had all the attention on her at all times, she was the “kook princess” as many people put it. Everyone loved her, including Ward. It was no secret that she was his favorite and always will be.

That was probably why you have always been closer to Rafe. Something was holding you back from having a full relationship with your sister.

But standing here in front of Rafe, you have a feeling that some things are about to change.

—

“You jumped him, Rafe!” You just found out that Rafe and Topper, but mostly Rafe, had jumped Pope on the golf course earlier that day. 

You couldn’t believe him. You knew he hated pogues but you could’ve never imagined your brother would beat up your friend. 

“Yeah, I jumped him, Y/n. They pulled a gun on Top!” You could tell that he was angry. Maybe not at you, but at the situation.

“Pope didn’t do anything. Topper was drowning John B! What else would’ve made him stop?!”

“Why are you defending them? Why is it okay for them to pull out guns on us?” He was definitely using up all of his patience on you. However much he had.

You let out a sigh “It’s not okay, Rafe. But it’s also not okay for you to do what you did. Can you please, just, not do it again? For me?”

You were really hoping he’d agree to stop hurting your friends. With everything going on you didn't need him hurting anyone. 

“Fine, but if they cross me, I won’t hesitate to beat their asses.” With that, he walked away.

—

As time went on, things kept getting worse and worse with the chase for the gold. Turns out all the gold was on land, in Parcel 9. Finding it was surprisingly easy and once you guys had a couple of pieces you decided to melt it and pawn it off.

The lady at the counter had told JJ that she would give him the money but she didn’t have that much cash in the shop so she had to send you all to the “warehouse” that was practically in the middle of nowhere.

After a couple minutes of driving, a cop pulled you guys over.

“Cops? Out here?” Kie had said 

“God! Are you kidding me? What did we do?”

As the cop got out of the car you quickly realized that the “cop” was not a cop at all. The man had walked up to John B’s window and shoved a gun in his face, yelling at him to get out of the car.

When you were walking out of the Twinkie, the guy pointed the gun at your face and yelled at you to lie in the ditch, threatening to shoot you. JJ came to your defense and started yelling back at the man, but you knew if you didn’t stop him, he would get shot.

“JJ, stop it!” You yelled in hopes that it would get him to stop provoking the only person with a gun. 

Eventually, he found what he wanted and went back to his car, ready to drive off, when John B attacked him from the inside. Once he was down, you took off his mask and recognized him as Barry. The local drug dealer.

“I know this piece of shit! He sells coke to my dad.” JJ said glaring at Barry on the ground

“Probably knows my brother,” Sarah said with disgust

It was no secret that Rafe took drugs. You had never seen him doing them but everyone knew.

JJ bent down, grabbed Barry’s ID, and checked his address. He decided that you all would go to Barry’s house.

Unfortunately, JJ’s “plan” had gotten you in trouble with your brother. 

—

You were walking through town, minding your business, when you heard a motorbike coming up behind you. You turned around to find Rafe on his bike, stopping beside you. 

“Hey,” You said as you stopped walking

“So you’re going around robbing drug dealers now?!” He sounded angry at you, which was unusual because of the relationship you both have with each other. Although, recently you have been drifting apart. 

“What are you talking about? I didn’t rob anyone.” You played it off as if you had no clue what he was talking about.

“Oh no, you’re right, it was your pouge boyfriend! That asshole is dragging you into shit you don't need to be in!”

“Don’t talk about my friend that way. JJ is not my boyfriend, and he didn’t steal anything from anyone.”

You didn’t know what Rafe would do if you admitted the truth. If he would go after your friend. You didn't want anything to happen to JJ if Rafe decided to go through with anything. 

“You’re the good one, Y/n! Sarah can go off the rails, your “friends” can rob people and shit like that but you…you’re supposed to be the sane one.” He said as he walked toward you, getting in your face.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Rafe.” Once again you were trying to push the issue aside. You didn’t want him to get aggressive with you as he tends to get with others.

“I…I want you to stop hanging around them. I want you to be my sister again” He spoke softer, having calmed down a bit.

“I’m still your sister, it’s just that the stuff you do doesn’t help the situation we’re in and it hurts to know that you would willingly do something to hurt me or the people I care about.”

“I would never do anything to hurt you” You would later come to find out that his statement wasn’t true but in the moment you believed him.

—

When Sarah walked into your room one night and told you that Rafe shot Peterkin, you refused to believe her. You didn’t want it to be true.

“What’s happening, Sarah?” You said while pacing the room “This shit is crazy, I don’t know if I can do this anymore” 

“I know, but I’ve told you, he’s psychotic. He’s going crazy and Dad is defending him. Can you believe that?” 

You knew Ward would protect Rafe no matter what.

“I can actually. He would protect any of us if we did something like that.”

—

All of these events led up to where you are right now. You were with JJ getting the Phantom for John B so he could get off the island.

While JJ was going on and on about the boat, you heard a motorbike pull up. Assuming it was Pope, you both ran over to the other side of the boat hanger only to find Rafe and Barry walking towards you. 

You haven’t seen Rafe in a few days but you could tell that he did not look good.

“Rafe, what are you doing here? You need to get out of here. Please” You were panicking. Especially with Barry also being there, it made it worse. 

“See, don't think I forgot about me and you on the side of the road,” Barry said, more like yelled, while pulling out a gun and pointing it at JJ “I'm here because I want my motherfuckin' money”

As Barry started swinging at JJ you pleaded with Rafe, asking him to stop them

“Rafe, please get him to stop. I’m begging you. Please”

“This isn’t about you, Y/n.” He said walking toward you “Where’s John B?”

“I don't know!”

“Hey! Don’t fucking lie to me! Where is he?” He was now completely in your space. Walking towards you while you’re walking backward until he has cornered you. 

Instead of answering his question, you said, “Sarah told me what you did,”

“What? What did I do?”

“You murdered Peterkin” you muttered considering his closeness. 

As soon as you uttered those words, Rafe did something you never thought he would do. He wrapped his hands around your neck strangling you while doing so.

“Don't you ever say those fucking words again”

“Rafe!”

“Understand?”

You had begun crying at this point, hyperventilating, trying to take in as much air as you could before you were cut off completely.

“Rafe…it’s me, it’s your sister, please…”

You looked up into his eyes and saw nothing but anger. It was like he wasn’t conscious of his actions. 

As soon as you felt like you were about to faint, you heard a muffled voice yell “Don't touch her!” from behind Rafe, then a second later, Rafe’s hands let go of your neck, causing you to start coughing, and gasping for air immediately. 

You looked up and saw Pope punching and kicking Rafe and while Rafe did fight back, Pope’s anger made him stronger.

Within the same minute, JJ had managed to overpower Barry and the gun slipped out of his hand.

“Y/n! Kick it!” and so you did but when you turned around you saw Pope strangling Rafe with some type of hose that had been lying in a pile of equipment. 

“Pope. Okay, Pope.” You weren’t freaking out as much as you should be, considering Pope could, very well, kill your brother right now.

“Pope, that's good! Stop!” He still wouldn’t stop

“Pope, that's too much!” You yelled out while JJ followed with, “Dude, come on! Stop! Stop, dude!”

You were starting to wonder if Pope would ever go that far but after you and JJ yelling a bit longer, Pope finally let go. Letting Rafe fall to the ground, face bloodied, and hyperventilating.

The same position you were in a couple of minutes ago, minus the blood. With him on the floor and Barry knocked out you were able to get a good look at him. You could still see the anger in his eyes as he looked up at you.

You couldn’t help but wonder where it all went wrong. Was it the drugs, the gold, or has it been this way for a while and you were just noticing it now? 

“What happened to you?” You whispered with tears in your eyes as he lay there saying nothing back, so you continued “What happened to my brother who said he would never hurt me or put me in danger?”

With that you walked away, joining JJ and Pope who had already hooked up the boat to the back of the truck.

“You good?” JJ asked when you entered the car, “Yeah, let’s go”

With that, you both drove off without looking back. 

Knowing that you would never let yourself wonder “What happened?” ever again.

—

A/n: First post is done! I really hope you all like it. Please let me know if i could improve anything.

[gh0stsp1d3r]

Maybanks sister

Part 2, chapter 1- stuck on a boat with my crazy ex boyfriend

Previous chapter , series masterlist

Summary: Rafes gone insane without you, and when he sees you on the boat? He loses his shit. After hanging out with the pogues for a while now, you figure out they’re not as bad as people make them out to be.

It had been weeks since you’ve last talked to Rafe. He had tried multiple times to contact you, on multiple numbers and phones. But it was no use.

You were sleeping when JJ had spam called you before Ricky woke you up.

“What?” You grumbled out. He threw your phone at you.

“He keeps calling you. Tried to answer but then it went to voicemail.”

“Shit.” You mumbled as you picked up your phone, looking at the texts and calls.

“WE NEED YOU”

He had even dropped a pin on his location. Him and his friends had grown used to you now, tolerating you. He tried to defend you as much as he could against them all.

You furrowed your eyebrows when you opened up a voicemail.

“Don’t park close to it. Rafes here. You can sneak in from the back.” He was whispering.

You sighed, parking your car and carefully hopping the fence, coming up behind the 4.

“What are you guys doing now?”

“They captured Sarah. Don’t know where they’re taking her, but it can’t be good.”

“What? Why did they…”

“We’ll catch you up in a little but right now…”

“We have to get on that boat.” Kiara said.

“What? Are you guys crazy?” You said, a little too loud. Jj put a hand over your mouth. “Do you even have a plan?” You whisper yelled when he took his hand back.

“Course we do. First, we have to get past the goon squad…”

“Alright. C’mon.”

But Pope wasn’t moving. “Pope what are you doing?” John B asked.

“I have an idea. Just trust me.”

“No, hey, stop running! We gotta go dude.”

“Trust me man. Go. I’ll meet up with you guys. Go.”

Pope left, you threw your arms up in defeat.

“Oh he’s asking to get killed.” You mumbled when he started firing his fun, a loud and large explosion happening as he ran. They were all distracted as he ran back to you all.

“Look. That containers going on the ship. We can get in that way. Are you with me?” He told John B.

“You’re a genius. Let’s go.” All of you ran for it, running into the shipping container.

“We can’t get out once we get it. It’s a trap-“ you spoke, Jj nodding in agreement.

“You guys don’t have to come.”

“Nothing to lose?” Jj looked to Kiara and you.

You groaned while Kiara said nothing to lose and you were now the only person outside the metal container.

“I have a job to lose. But I’m not letting some fucking kids go on a death mission alone.” You complained as Jj helped you in with a smile on his face.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

“Sorry bout that, princess.” Rafe said with a smirk on his face as he grabbed you from behind, a hand covering your mouth so you couldn’t scream.

“Told you you’d never get rid of me, didn’t I?” He said in a teasing voice. His grip on your was hard.

“Let go of her!” Jj shouted at Rafe, who looked up at the noise now. He wasn’t leaving this boat without you. You screamed as you trashed against Rafe’s arm and hold, he held you tightly, a knife now held against your neck.

Jj and Kiara had managed to kick him off of you and run for it, knowing that he would win. Taking one last glance at him on the floor, you ran with them.

Then, while the three of you ran, you ran into a man.

“Of course, there’s more of you.” He pulled out a machete.

“Get down on your knees.”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.”

“But me a drink first, dude.” You mumbled as he swung his machete at you, ducking.

“Go, go, go!” You shouted at them, the man tried to swing it at Kiara but Jj was quick to react, hitting him with a door and knocking him onto the floor.

“Where’s John B?” Jj asked.

“John B!”

The man got up, continuing to swing it at JJ, who hit his head when he fell to the floor. You shouted as you ran at him, trying to choke him before he could attack Kiara.

But he elbowed you, and knocked you into the water.

JJ shouted your name, so loud that everyone on the boat could probably hear. Including Rafe, who turned at the sound of your name, and who from afar, could see a body falling into the water.

Without hesitation he jumped in when he saw you face down, unconsciously floating. Kiara followed him, the both of them grabbing you and turning you around so you could breathe.

He cried out your name, carrying your body flush to his own. When you didn’t breathe, he panicked and tears fell down his face, Kiara watching and also calling your name, desperately.

“Stay with me, y/n. Please. Please.” He whispered.

“Where are JJ, kie, and y/n?” John B asked.

“Last time I saw them they were on the other side of the ship!” Cleo said, and they quickly drove over to the sound of Kiara’s and JJs voice.

“Shit.” They spoke when they came closer to your unconscious body, quickly stopping by and helping them put you into the boat.

Jj sobbed, a hand running over his face as he got in the boat next to you, looking down at you.

Rafe turned around, seeing you all leave.

“Give me that gun. Give me it.” He panted, when he had it he stared out at the boat as its engine gave out, spluttering.

“No, no, no.” JJ mumbled, looking at Rafe who held the gun to them. They turned to the engine and tried to get it on.

But then Rafe saw you. He whispered your name quietly, seeing your brother sobbing next to your unconscious body, his mind went to the worst possible thing.

You were dead, he thought. And it was all his fault.

He put the gun down, breathing heavily, his eyes fixed on you.

Finally, the engine started back up and they were back to running. Tears filled his eyes as he watched the boat leave, running a hand through his hair.

“Y/n, please! Please wake up.” JJ continued.

“You gotta wake up.” John B mumbled.

You spit out some water, coughing and opening your eyes, putting a hand to your head.

“What the fuck happened?” You mumbled to yourself when JJ pulled you in for a hug, you struggling to sit up.

He had a hand on your back, helping you sit up now. You stared at him and the rest of them.

“Hi.” He said with a small laugh, wiping away the tears he had on his face.

“That’s the first time I think I’ve seen you cry for me.” You told him, a small smile playing on your face.

He laughed and rolled his eyes, just happy you were back.

“Always looking for attention, huh?” He teased you.

“Whatever it takes, right?”

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

“How is he?”

“He’s stable. He’s sleeping. We have half power but will make the next port in three hours. I’ll have a doctor waiting.”

“Thank you.” Rose said.

“Can I see him?” Rafe asked.

“Yeah, sure yeah.”

“Wait right here, I’ll be right back.” Rose told Wheezie.

“Let me… let me talk to him.” Rafe told Rose, opening the door and shutting it.

“Hey, dad.”

“Hey.”

“You’re gonna be okay, it’s all gonna be good, all right? We did it. All this it is over. It all worked out. I got the cross. We got the gold. We got everything.”

But he didn’t have everything. He lost you in the process.

“We’re done. I got everything.” Rafe said with a small smile.

Ward shook his head. Rafe’s smile faltered.

Rafe knew what he meant, looking down. “We’ll find her. I’ll bring her back for this family. I promise. For our family, dad. It’ll be just like you wanted. But listen, while you’re down, I’m gonna step up.”

Ward nodded at his words.

“I’m gonna… I’m gonna be a better man.” He took Wards hands in his, Rafes voice getting shaky.

“Just like you.”

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

You helped John B, Pope and JJ pull the boat onto shore.

“Y/n, you alright there?” John B asked as you held your head, the spot where it had been bleeding before.

“Yeah. Just a little dizzy.” You shrugged it off.

“Okay, anyone know where we’re at?” JJ asked, you sitting down next to him.

“Deserted beach. Unknown island.”

“Alright, I’ll take that as a no.”

“Hey, I would rather be on this deserted beach that stuck on a boat my crazy ass ex boyfriend.” You said with a scoff.

“This is the lowest we can go.” Pope said, they all turned to him now. “We literally have nothing else to lose. The cross, gone.”

“The gold, gone.”

“Seriously, if we had a nickel for every time we got beat up, I’d say we’re at a dollar fifty.”

“That’s more than I got on me.”

“That somehow doesn’t make me feel better.”

“Yeah, you’re right. But I mean… we… we’ve had some good stuff happen, right?”

“Name something.” Pope said.

“Um… the boiler room.”

They all looked at him confused.

“What? If the boiler didn’t explode, I wouldn’t have gotten away from Rafe. I couldn’t have gotten the zodiac and gotten us out of here.”

“Well, because of the boiler room he held a gun to my temple and a knife to my throat. So… I wouldn’t say it’s the best thing.”

“You know what? Guys, this is it. This is the pogue life. We are in the Carribean. It’s our own little slice of paradise.”

“Yeah, a slice of paradise without a shower or bathroom, sure.” You mumbled.

“With my best friends, with my family, and with… y/n, I guess.”

You rolled your eyes at him, throwing some sand at him.

“Kidding. I wouldn’t wanna do it with anyone else.” He looked at Sarah.

“Look, and while you guys were complaining about every little thing…”

“Jj?”

“Hmm?”

“I was looking at those burly lefts.”

A smile spread across JJs face.

“There’s some slabs out there.”

“Just a few. Kie, you see that? I know you wanna get out there.”

“No boards.” She said.

“Well, we can bodysurf till we make some boards.”

“Lame.”

“Agreed with Kiara.” You pointed at her.

“Pope? Come on, man.”

“They do look pretty tasty.”

“Oh yes they do.”

“There’s nobody around. We could squat here for a bit.” Pope stood up.

“Kind of belongs to us now, huh?”

“You got a point.”

“Six way split?”

“Poguelandia.” JJ cut in, mocking a posh accent. “I claim thee poguelandia.” He leaned against a tree. “I like the ring of it. I’m gonna make a flag, it’s gonna have a chicken on it. With a coconut bra, smoking a J… in crocs.”

“I could use a J.” You sighed.

“Can we vote on this?”

“Let’s get to work. Let’s start working on provisions. Set up shop.”

JJ came over to you, “what do you say, sis?”

“I say this is by far the most stupid idea you’ve ever had, J.”

He tilted his head. “Welcome back to the pogue life.” He helped you stand up.

———

Tag list:

@cassie0sstuff

@rafesgiirl

@fals3-g0d

@tiaamberxx

@callsignwidow

[featherandferns]

slipping (fic)

jj maybank x fem!barry's sister!reader | the reader is canonically adopted so all my POC lovelies aren't left out!

content warning: drinking; brief mentions of drug abuse and suicide; sexual content (p in v, oral, hand-stuff)

word count: 18k.

Blurb: you and JJ have been in a secret relationship for seven months. And it's great. It's perfect. It's just what JJ's always wanted. Except, you don't want to be a secret forever, and JJ can't risk you finding out his history with Barry.

Barry’s house looks like a crack den. To be frank, the word ‘house’ is rather generous. It’s a run-down trailer which looks half-abandoned: surrounded by ditched appliances (like busted washing machines that people had driven out to the farthest stretch of the marsh rather than making the trip to the rubbish tip); overgrown grass and unkept shrubs; a car that no longer runs, pawned off for the valuable parts, now claimed by nature as roots grow within. The only sign that there’s life at this place - outside of the rats and critters and birds - is the tire-tracked make-shift driveway along the grass, so deep that it’s clearly well used.   

JJ parked his bike near the road, hidden in the trees of the marsh. His heavy boots sink into the grass - damp from the rainfall last night - and he shoves his hands in his pockets as he works his way up the drive. He knows he’s being somewhat brazen about the whole thing, heading up to the house in clear view, but he has good reason to. As he gets nearer, rounding to face the netted porch, he feels his smile beginning to show.

“Hey,” he calls.

You look from the motor you’re tinkering with. Smile pretty like the first sunrise of the year.

“Hey,” you say.

JJ steps up the three stairs in two steps. Leans against the frame of the porch.

“You here to pick up for your dad?” you ask. You’re wiping your hands on a rag that’s tucked into your short’s pocket.

“Not quite,” JJ says, watching as you stand. “Your brother home?”

“Who? Barry?” you wonder, playing dumb.

JJ rolls his eyes and smiles wider. “That one, yeah.”

“Nah,” you say casually, sauntering towards him, hands tucked into the back pockets of your shorts. “He’s running an errand.”

“Damn. Guess I came at the perfect time,” JJ plays along.

“Almost like someone tipped you off,” you reply.

You’re standing in front of him now, a little shorter than him. He can’t keep his hands to himself any longer. Hooking one around your waist, JJ leans down to press his lips to yours. The abruptness makes you giggle against his mouth and it keens him on. One of your hands lifts to stroke at his face; your fingers gently tracing over his stubble that’s coming through since the last shave. Pulling back, you smile up at him. That sweet, soft smile that he’s privy to.

“Thought you weren’t gonna get here ‘til later,” you quietly say. He notices that your eyes keep flitting down to his lips, half-distracted.

“Missed my girl.”

“Your girl?” you echo, quirking a brow.

JJ doesn’t reply outside of a shrug. You chuckle, blinking up into his eyes. He feels like he could drown in yours. Bathe in the endlessness of them.

Your arms loop around his neck, tugging him down nearer to your face. JJ lets his hands rest on your hips a moment before swooping down to find home just under your shorts. His fingers tease under the denim, tracing the soft skin of your backside.

“You gonna take care of your girl or what, then?”

“Impatient, huh?” JJ chuckles. He cuts off his own laugh by pressing his mouth to yours once more.

You mould against him as if the two of you were made to be together. Follow the tilt of his head with yours as he deepens the kiss. Lusciously tease your tongue against his, pulling back enough to have him chasing your mouth. If he could – if there weren’t too high a risk with him doing so – he’d take you right here on the porch. Bend you over the abandoned entryway table or have you atop of him on the couch. But inside is better and safer, so he lets you guide him in, fingers dancing through yours as you flash a smile at him over your shoulder.

He can remember a time you used to be embarrassed of the interior of your house. JJ knew rough living – his dad was far from house proud – but Barry’s place was a different level. The stove didn’t work and the door hung forever open, broken on the hinges. Half the cupboards didn’t shut right and roaches were so frequent they may as well pay rent. But he never judged and never commented. Especially now, as you pull the two of you into your bedroom, pushing him against the wall with that contagious laugh of yours that makes him smile.

“Was thinking ‘bout you this morning,” you tell him. Your hands are working at the fly of his shorts.

“What about?”

He’s watching the nimbleness of your fingers as you pull down his zip. Has him grinning, body tingling at the thought and the excitement. Being wrapped up in you is like opium: euphoric and addictive.

“Just how good you fucked me last time,” you casually sigh.

JJ gasps through his brimming grin when you shove a hand into his boxers, rubbing at his semi. The way you look up at him, innocence faked on your expression like butter couldn’t melt in your mouth…it’s a deadly trap.  

“I got a little impatient waiting. Had to take care of myself this morning. All alone,” you go on, coiling a hand around his neck to coax his mouth nearer to yours.

Your hand is still working at him, pulling him out of his boxers now, and JJ stammers a moan against your grinning lips as you squeeze gently around the head.

“Guess I gotta make it up to you then,” he somehow manages.

“Guess you gotta.”

Moving to kiss him again, you move your hand faster. Take a moment to spit on your palm, to help it slide easier. JJ lets his hands roam your clothed body (why are you still dressed?) and settles on palming at your breast under your t-shirt, touch half-restricted by your bralette. As he feels himself edging, he groans against your mouth, breaking the messy kiss.

“’M close,” he sighs, eyes slipping shut.

The way your spare hand caresses his jaw is a stark juxtaposition to what you’re doing to him, under the belt. It reminds JJ that it’s you – familiar, perfect, wonderful you – and that only drives him closer. Has him moaning out, unashamed for you to hear the sounds he makes. Only for you.

“We got time,” is all you say, voice quiet like it’s a secret, and JJ knows that he can let go.

We got time for more.

He comes with a shudder, groaning against your mouth, eyes clamped shut as he pumps himself in your closed fist, chasing the pleasure. You kiss him through his orgasm, trailing them along his cheekbone and eyelids. He chuckles as he comes down, opening his eyes to take in the mess on your shorts.

“Fuck. Sorry,” JJ mumbles.

You shake your head. “They needed a wash anyway.”

The two of you laugh, prompting his eyes to meet yours once more. You’re smiling at him, leaning forward to kiss him again, like a diver coming back for air, over and over. JJ’s impatient now. Tugs your tee-shirt over your head and shucks down your shorts and panties, following them to the floor as he lowers onto his knees. Your skin smells like rose and bergamot from your lotion. The smell screams of you and makes him smile against your skin, leaning his face softly against your thigh as he presses kisses, teething gently at the skin. You sigh out a moan above him, leaning your hands on the wall for support. JJ eases your legs open wider, mumbling playful demands under breath that have you lustfully giggling. Then he’s going at you, eating you out like a man starved for dinner, and the sounds you make are fucking heavenly. Gasping out his name, your moans are cutting into each other like there’s two sides of your brain competing. He’s only motivated more, lifting higher onto his knees, moving a hand around to roughly grasp at your cheek, manhandling you to appease his hunger. Fingers dig deep into the flesh. He could quite gladly die here, JJ thinks, as he goes down on you. Sinfully sweet and salty on his tongue, like a forbidden fruit. The tell-tale squeak in your voice is his signal that you’re close, but JJ doesn’t want you to come yet. Not yet.

He pulls away with a breath. You whine in protest, one hand even trying to shove his face back on you.

“JJ…”

He can’t help but laugh. Teasing and dark. He gets to his feet.

Your hands are shaky as they cup at his face, pulling his lips to yours. JJ pulls you off him, forces you so your chest is against the wall. The hastiness has you panting. All of your snarky quips are gone, lost to his mouth and tongue. Shoving his boxers down and pulling off his shirt, JJ grabs one of your hands in his, holding it against the wall, fingers interlocked. He’s already hard again, guiding himself to your entrance, forcing your legs apart wider once more with a foot against yours. Eases in with a groan, collapsing his head against your shoulder, fixated on your wanton moan.

JJ fucks you good and hard. He knows how you like it and what you want. His finger slips down to your clit, rubbing fervently, and you whine against the peeling wallpaper of your bedroom walls. His other hand never leaves yours. Squeezing at your interlocked fingers lovingly, strikingly different from the painful pace he’s set.

“Feel so fucking good,” he pants against your clammy skin. Your only reply is a whine. “You getting close, baby?”

“Fuck, yes,” you shiver.

It spurs him on. Makes you louder. It’s obscene and filthy and…And it’s over too soon.

You collapse against the wall when you come, voice so loud he’s only half-worried it might carry across the marsh. JJ shifts his hand away from your bruised clit to help hold you up. It’s like your limbs have turned to jelly. You let JJ use you to find his own relief, groaning against your clammy back as he finishes inside you and thank Christ for the pill. Through the euphoric haze, he half registers your fingers teasing softly at his hair, soothing him through it.

Breathing heavy, he lifts his head to find yours glancing over your shoulder, eyes watching him. You’re veering for a kiss and JJ gladly indulges.

“Jesus fuck,” JJ dozily mumbles against your swollen mouth.

“Language,” you reply with a small, breathless laugh.

The two of you can’t help but groan as he slides out. You wiggle your fingers against the wall.

“My hand’s going dead, JayJ,” you mumble, almost apologetic.

He lets go. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you chuckle.

Turning around, back now against the wall, you loop your arms around his bare chest and lean against him, the way a sloth might wrap itself around a tree. JJ sniggers, brushing a hand through your hair. He feels you press a tender kiss to his chest that’s still struggling to catch breath.

“You tired, huh?”

“Mhm,” you hum. “You came at the perfect time. I was like one minute away from throwing that motor out into the marsh.”

JJ quietly grunts as he lifts you up – your legs hooking loosely around his waist – and he walks the two of you back to your bed. The pair of you cuddle up atop of the sheets, letting the few rays of sunlight that leak into the room warm strips of your skin. He finds himself drawing mindless patterns on the skin of your thigh, and you appear to be doing the same on his chest.

“Who you fixing it up for? The motor?”

“You know Mr Lewis?”

“Is that the guy who works at the deli?” JJ checks.

“Mhm. It’s from the delivery van. I told him I’d have it done by Thursday,” you reply, yawning. It’s currently Tuesday.

JJ forgets sometimes that you’re a high school dropout. You’re smart enough to graduate. Easily smarter than him. One time, when he was losing his mind over some algebra homework that his teacher insisted he do (that was, if he wanted to skip out on retaking a year), you had taken the time to explain it to him. The way you laid it out was so simple and easy, like reciting the alphabet or counting to ten. But whenever he asked why you dropped out you would just reel off the usual self-deprecating excuse. That people from your family don’t get high school diplomas - it just wasn’t a thing.

“How’s school?” you ask as if you’d been following his line of thought.

“Boring,” JJ sighs. “Bit more fun now that John B’s back though.”

“Still can’t believe they survived,” you say. Then, shifting to meet his gaze, you add, “not in a bad way, just-”

“No, no, I know what you mean,” he eases. One of his fingers comes to tease at a strand of your hair, smiling down at you. “I mean, I wouldn’t believe it either. Hell, I didn’t, for a while.”

You chuckle at that, nodding, lowering your head back down onto his chest.

This is good. This is good for JJ and good for you. Not only is it good, but it’s fun. A secret is fun. Nobody else knows: not even the Pogues or your brother. These clandestine meetings and rendezvous and unknown dates are the definition of excitement. Nobody knows that JJ spends nearly every night buried in you, and that the unsaved number on his phone is filled with sweet, soft and sometimes sensual texts that came from you. Inside jokes than have accumulated over the seven months of your relationship. Nobody knows that JJ knows Barry’s younger sister as more than just that flippant title. That he knows your favourite television show and your favourite singer, and he knows the way to twist his fingers just right to have you bordering on screaming. He knows what it feels like to have your mouth on him and your teeth biting down onto the skin of his shoulders, but also what it feels like to make you laugh and to see you work. What it feels like to be at the mercy of your stare. He’s lucky enough to be in your light and be acknowledged by someone so strangely pure for all the shit the universe had thrown your way. If JJ got dealt a bad hand, then you got dealt fake cards. But all the darkness and grit hadn’t made you mean or distant. Instead, it made you glow, like tossing logs into an open flame.

“Wish I could meet him.”

“Who?” JJ asks. He’s lost in thought, eyes staring up at your ceiling. There’s a patch of mould in the corner that you’ve tried to conceal with some cheap, fake ivy vines.

“The president.”

“Really?”

You snort. “No, you moron. John B.”

JJ’s attention comes back to the conversation. He swallows, somewhat nervous. He hates when you bring this stuff up.

“I mean, you have met him.”

“Sure, like I’ve spoken to him at a kegger like…Two years ago?”

“He’s really not that interesting of a guy so,” JJ lamely says.

“Not that interesting? JJ, John B was a wanted fugitive who lived in Nassau with Sarah for like a month or something? Come on!” you reply with a laugh.

He closes his eyes at the sound. You sound so light and cheerful. He just knows whatever he replies with is going to crush it, like treading on a freshly blossomed flower. Why did you have to bring this up?

JJ shifts so he can slip out of your hold. You move to sit, legs half crossed, and he can feel your eyes watching him as he leans to your bedside table for the box of cigarettes you keep there.

“It doesn’t have to be soon,” you quietly say to his back.

He retrieves a cig and slots it between his lips, reaching for the lighter. He’d engraved your initials in it the same way he had ‘JJ’ engraved on his own. Please, please drop it.

“Just…Maybe sometime this month?”

“They’re not very interesting people,” JJ manages out, voice muffled by the cigarette as he flicks at the lighter. He hopes it’ll discourage whatever interest you have in meeting his friends. Hopes his voice sounds casual. “We don’t do much, either. Just sit around and surf and stuff.”

“Well, same,” you eventually reply, happiness already dwindling. “So, I guess I have that in common with them.”

JJ leans against the creaky headboard of your bed and takes a puff of the cigarette. He looks down at the lighter as he fiddles with it in one hand. It seems you won’t let the topic go (not that he expected you to, if he’s being honest with himself). You grab at his attention by taking the cigarette from him, having a drag yourself. He watches as you exhale, smoke filling the space before you as you sit, naked and sweet. Holding it out to him, your smile is now gone. Instead, there’s this shadow of anxiety looming over your features.

“We’re together, right?”

JJ takes the cigarette back. “Yeah?”

“Is that a question or an answer?”

“An answer,” JJ clarifies. Then, “Yes, we’re together.”

“And we have been for seven months now, right?”

JJ takes another pull, looking away from you and to the doorway. “I mean, I don’t know the exact length of—”

“We have,” you interrupt, firmly. “Seven months, one week and two days.”

Crap.

“Didn’t know we were keeping score,” JJ nervously chuckles, hoping to lighten the mood somewhat.

But when he looks to you again, you’re not smiling. You’re shaking your head.

“I don’t want to be a secret forever, JJ,” you say. “I understand why you wanted to keep it quiet at first. I mean, I did too. Whilst we figured it all out and what this actually is.”

As you speak, you gesture between the two of you.

“But…I’m tired of sneaking around, JayJ. Of lying to my friends and my brother. Of not being able to talk about you to them. Because…Well, because I want to,” you meekly admit, shrugging. “I want to kiss you when everyone’s watching, as fucking dumb as that sounds, and I wantpeople to know that you’re taken, and that you’re taken by me.”

It takes everything in JJ not to wince at that. He swallows down your words with an inhale of the nicotine. Doesn’t hold your gaze because how can he? He knew his lie would catch up to him eventually. JJ has a bad habit of spinning these fables as if he won’t get tangled in the mess of it. Hell, his bad habit to run his mouth is the reason why JJ can’t let you two come out to anybody, not even the Pogues. If even one person knows about the pair of you, then Barry will find out. It’s inevitable. The Outer Banks is a small place and news travels fast. The moment Barry finds out is the moment you find out what he did. It’ll be the moment he’ll lose you, forever. And that fear – that genuine risk – is far worse than having to sneak around, in JJ’s world.

“Hey.”

Your fingers brush against his, coaxing his hand into yours, intertwining the digits until you’re holding hands. He looks up at that, looks into your eyes. You’re smiling again, soft but solemn, like you’ve read some mellowing news.

“I don’t wanna rush you, okay? I just…I need to know that eventually, we won’t be a secret anymore,” you say quietly.

JJ smiles at you – the best smile he can manage – and nods. Lifts your interlocked hands to his tobacco tasting lips, pressing a kiss against the skin. Rose and bergamot.

“We won’t be,” JJ tells you. Nods, affirming it. Almost willing it into reality. “We won’t be, alright? Just a little more time.”

When you smile, he swears he feels his heartbeat ease. JJ’s thankful that you kiss him, because he can’t keep looking you in the eyes and act like it doesn’t kill a part of him to lie, straight to your face.

~*~*~*~*~*

U lol

JJ can’t help but smile at the meme you’ve sent him. It’s so stupid, hardly even a joke, but somehow it taps into his sense of humour perfectly. JJ sniggers as he replies.

“What you smiling at?” John B wonders.

JJ looks up from his phone. Instinctively turns it off before anyone can catch a glimpse of the screen.

“Just this thing,” JJ shrugs.

Kiara’s plucking the strings of her ukelele, lounging in the hammock that JJ nearly fought her for. He’s taken one of the deckchair loungers instead. Pope’s sat by the tree. He’s flicking through local history books, trying to see if there might be any clues in there about the island room. JJ thinks it’s a lost cause but got shut down the moment he started to say so. John B is still brooding from his break-up with Sarah. At least the boy wants to drink – now that’s something JJ’s glad to get on board with.

“You’ve been texting someone for the past half hour,” John B says.

“You stalking me or something?”

“It’s hard not to notice when you keep giggling like a girl at your phone.”

“Since when do I giggle?” JJ counters.

“Since today,” John B quickly replies. Then, he pulls out his phone and gives an award-winning impersonation. JJ gladly flips him off.

“I think our little playboy is whipped,” Kiara says from the hammock.

“I’m not whipped,” JJ says.

“But you are talking to someone?” she checks.

JJ rolls his eyes. He hates the grilling. Wishes they’d all back off. Despite his lack of an answer, it seems to be more than enough for Kie.

“Who is she?”

“Nobody. I don’t know what you’re talking about,” JJ says.

“Those are two different answers, man,” John B tells him.

“I thought JB was bad at lying but that might’ve been your worst,” Pope indirectly agrees, not looking up from his book.

“Look, the important thing right now is getting John B macking on someone else, alright?” JJ redirects, pointing to his best friend. “The fastest way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else, I’m telling ya.”

“Spoken like a poet,” Kie comments.

“I’m not interested in anyone else, JJ,” John B says. “Sides, even if I wanted to hook up with someone else – which I don’t - who the hell would it be?”

“Bro, I’m telling you, that chick in English is totally into you,” JJ says. “Like she’s practically drooling at her desk whenever she looks at you.”

“Is she now?”

“Yeah, man. I’ve got eyes, don’t I?”

“Debatable,” John B mutters, looking back to his phone.

JJ feels himself relax back in his chair again.

After the conversation the two of you shared the other night, JJ’s feels haunted. The way that you kissed him, all happy and sweet, when he’d just lied to your face…Kie would tell him that karma was waiting at the ready. That is, she would if she knew about it. JJ didn’t like lying to you. If he could, he’d go back in time and he’d leave the house and the money like the rest of the Pogues said he should. He’d do the right thing for once his sorry life.

Sighing, JJ rocks his head backwards and glances absentmindedly to the hammock. He’s a little surprised to see that Kie’s already looking at him. She’s watching him, practically studying him, and has this expression on her face that makes JJ swallow nervously.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she shrugs. Looks back down to her ukelele.

JJ watches her a moment longer before finally looking away. It takes a liar to know one.

~*~*~*~*~*

The tide’s come in.

There’s barely any beach left and it’s pushed you back to the sand dunes. JJ cusses as he spots you, sat with your knees near your chest, staring out to the water like something from a poem.

“Hey! I’m here! I’m here!” he hollers, jogging over.

You turn around at the sound of his voice. No smile. “You’re late.”

“I know, I know,” he says, coming to a stop before you. “I’m sorry, alright? This thing, with the Pogues, it just ran over but—”

“And you didn’t think to text me?” you sigh, holding up your phone. “I mean, my legs are bitten to hell now by the skeeters.”

“I’m sorry,” JJ repeats, dropping to sit beside you. You shake your head, looking away, but don’t move your hand from his when he reaches for it. “I should’ve made up an excuse or something to leave early.”

“Or you should’ve just told them the actual reason why you needed to leave,” you mumble, ticked off.

JJ sighs and leans over, pressing a kiss to your exposed shoulder. It prompts you to look to him. Your lips are still pressed in an unimpressed frown. He gazes into your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” JJ tells you once more, sincere and genuine.

You deliberate it over with a small sigh, rubbing your lips together in thought. Eyes scan his face and his features.

“Okay,” you relent. A twitch in your cheeks, teasing for a smile. “You’re off the hook. Don’t do it again, though.”

JJ nods, smiling too. “I won’t. I won’t, alright?”

“Okay,” you smile, properly. He kisses you, making you chuckle through your nose.

“You look cute, by the way. I like this,” he says, thumbing at the fabric of your top.

“Thanks,” you say. “If you weren’t late maybe I’d tell you that I like your shorts.”

“I thought that I was off the hook!” JJ loudly returns, making you laugh.

He grins at that. He likes when you laugh, and even better when he’s the cause of it. It makes your eyes go all crinkly and cute.

“Not all the way,” you playfully reply. “What were you guys caught up with, anyway?”

JJ shrugs and leans back on his elbows. The sunset looks pretty from here, over the horizon. It shines a tapestry of colours on your legs.

“Nothing important.”

Nothing important, asides from trying to figure out what the hell an island room might be.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re lying to me?”

JJ’s head darts round to you with that, but you’re grinning at him, dispelling his worry that you’re onto him. There’s a smudge of oil near your eye from the latest handy-man job you’ve taken on. He licks his thumb and moves to wipe it away, smiling when you cringe.

“Like I would ever lie to you,” he jests as he wipes at your face.

You bat his hand away. “Ah, the thing every girlfriend wants to hear.”

JJ leans in to kiss you, unable to help it as if he’s craving another hit. He’s gently grabbing at your face to draw you closer. He swears he could make-out with you forever and never get bored. Screw food and screw water and screw air. This. This is what livings about. Humming out a moan, JJ eases you onto your back on the sand, hovering atop of you. His lips leave yours to trail delicately down your jawline. He practically purrs when you bring a hand up to play with his hair.

“You know the bonfire’s this Friday?”

“Mhm,” JJ hums against you, half-listening. His senses are flooded by the smell of you: roses and bergamot.

“You busy that night?”

“Don’t know yet,” he says, barely breaking away from the hickey he’s started working on, at the underside of your jaw. One of his hands slips under the pretty top you’re wearing, palming at your breast.

“Well, I think I’m gonna go,” you tell him. Your voice is a little breathless now. “I was wondering if you wanted to come too?”

“As in whether I’m going or…?”

“As in us going together,” you correct.

JJ slowly eases up on his assault on your throat. He closes his eyes, briefly tensing his lips together. Fuck.

“Well, I don’t know if I’m gonna be free that night,” he says, hoping to sound casual.

Your fingers tether in his hair enough to pull him away from your neck. It’s like you force him to meet your gaze.

“Well, if you are free, then do you wanna? I don’t know, I thought it’d be kinda nice? Could meet your friends and stuff, and you could meet mine,” you say, smiling bashfully.

And it’s sweet. It’s so sweet, and thoughtful, and if JJ wasn’t such a fucking idiot, it’d be the perfect way to publicise your relationship. It isn’t that JJ doesn’t want to. He wants to, more than anything. To have your hand in his in front of everyone at school, and to have you dancing with him and drinking with him, and to let everyone know that you’re his as much as he’s yours.

It isn’t that JJ doesn’t want to. It’s that he can’t.

“I, um,” he pulls away, resting back on his haunches. His hand slips out of your top.

You shift up to sit, watch as he looks away, down the beach. There’s nobody else around. The only thing you can hear is the lapping of the waves, the steady crash and break of the tide, and the distant calling of birds.

Clearing his throat, JJ rubs at the back of his neck and fixes his cap.

“I think if I go, it’ll, uh, be with my friends, you know?”

Quiet. Another bird. Another wave.

His heart clenches at the sound of your sigh. It’s heavy with disappointment.

“Yeah. Uh, right. Of course,” you mumble.

“Just cause like, it’s like a tradition that we go together, you know?” JJ tags on, looking to you. “And John B’s proper losing it with this whole Sarah shit-show.”

You’re nodding, lips pursed, staring down at your hands that twiddle together in your lap. You sniff sharply and force your face up to meet his. The smile you flash him is brief and fake. He can see right through it, like you’re made of sea glass.

“No, yeah. It was a dumb idea anyway,” you chuckle dejectedly, shaking your head. JJ frowns.

“No, hey, it wasn’t dumb—”

“—Look, I gotta be heading back soon. Well, now, actually,” you say, moving to stand up.

JJ watches you do for from his spot on the ground. From here, under the light of the setting sun, he can see the sheen to her eyes as if there are tears welling. Fuck.

“Baby, no, you don’t—”

“—No, no, it’s just cause it’s late,” you weakly continue, grabbing for your cardigan. You wrap it round you and glance behind you. “And I told Barry I’d help him with some stuff tonight and…”

By the time JJ’s on his feet, you’re already starting to walk backwards. You flash him another tense, painful smile.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Well, I’ll…I’ll see you soon, right?”

You nod. Give an awkward wave, in a way you never have with him before. “Yeah. Um, have fun at school tomorrow.”

Then you turn your back to him and walk away.

JJ watches after you, frozen in place like he’s stupefied until you’re out of sight, heading around the bend of a tree. He sighs loudly. He’s mad at himself. Frustrated at the bullshit of the whole situation. Why did he have to steal that money, all those months ago? John B tried to warn him off it but at the time, it just seemed so simple. He didn’t know you then. You were just Barry’s sister: a name in an anecdote, usually revolving about how you dropped out of Kildare High. But now…Now you’re you.

Yanking off his cap, JJ tosses it on the ground, grunting. Rakes his fingers roughly through his hair. He looks out to the water and the dusk-painted sky. Once he’s gathered himself enough to walk home, JJ leans down to collect his cap. He brushes some sand off it and watches how easily it slips away, and how much it resonates with the feeling that you’re slipping through his fingers, too.

~*~*~*~*~*

The bonfire is swarming with people. They stand in crowds and droves, chatting and laughing and heckling one another. Empty bottles and cans lay scattered around, making Kiara sneer and roll her eyes. JJ follows his friends out the van, hooking an arm over John B’s neck. It still feels a little surreal to have him close again and to be able to lean on him whenever. Part of him wonders if he’s still in shock, of having his brother back.

As they walk past Kathy, she’s handing over a red solo cup to John B with a smile. JJ smiles back at her, grins as John B takes a sip, and tries to pretend like his heart isn’t going to beat out of his chest with the anxiety that you might be here tonight. He hasn’t spoken to you since the evening on the beach. Doesn’t really know what to say or where to start, and you haven’t reached out to him either. JJ’s not sure a silence has ever stretched so loud.

John B’s still complaining about the break-up with Sarah. JJ tunes back in and forces his mind away from the incident on the beach. Thinking about it only makes him feel sick.

“So she’s like, ‘that’s it’.”

“I know. I know, I know, but dude, her father blew up right in front of her,” JJ reminds him, moving to stand to his side. “Just give her a minute, alright?”

Ironic, spewing dating advice whilst his own secret relationship is falling apart behind the scenes. But, hey, nobody sees you lose when you’re playing solitaire.

JJ’s eyes catch on to a small pile of cans of larger. Hell yes, he could do with a drink. He swipes a couple of beers and passes one to John B.

“In the meantime, shot gun, right now. Like the old times.”

“Hey derelicts!”

He spins around as an empty cup hits him on the back, coming face to face with the girl that had been eyeing up John B in class.

“Hey! There she is! That’s you,” JJ says, gesturing to John B. He whips out his pocketknife, slicing into the can. “I’m outta here.”

 JJ hunches forward a moment when John B jabs him low, making him spill his beer. Turning away, taking a swig, JJ looks around. No sign of you so far. Maybe you didn’t show up. Sighing, he glances down at his phone. No texts, no calls. Nothing. Pocketing it, finishing his beer and already starting on a second that he swipes off a pop-up table, JJ moves to make the most of the night and to get his mind off you.

The drinks continue to flow and the conversations come and go. The warmth from the flames of the fire lap gently at his skin, keeping away any summer night chill. About an hour in or so, he’s leaning against the wall, chatting to Pope and Kiara.

“What I don’t understand is, if Karen’s a computer then how come she still works under water?” JJ says.

“JJ. It’s a show about a living sponge at the bottom of the sea,” Kiara deadpans, raising a brow.

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s aiming for realism, dude,” Pope agrees.

JJ shrugs and looks out to the bonfire, absentmindedly scanning the crowds. There’s a nice buzz to him, helping the drinks go down smoothly. “Just always bothered me is all. Like whenever Sandy—”

JJ could recognise you anywhere, even blind. You’re looking at him too. He freezes, beer halfway raised to his mouth.

You look pretty. A pair of shorts – the pair of shorts – and a t-shirt, tucked in. Hair styled all nice, with colourful grips that he can make out, even from over here. There’s a bottle of beer in your hand. At the sight of him, you seem to take a swig. It’s almost like you scoff, but JJ can’t be sure. Then, one of your friends seems to be gathering your attention and you don’t spare another glance to him. Strange, how awful it feels to have you look away from him; to act like you don’t know him from Adam.

“That Barry’s sister?” Kiara asks.

JJ comes back to reality. Looks to his friends to see their eyes on you, too. He takes a swig of his drink, digging in his brain for a new conversation starter to drive the attention away from you. He really doesn’t want to think about all of that right now.

“She the one that dropped out?” Pope checks.

“Yeah. Probably a junkie like her brother,” Kie says.

“She’s not a junkie,” JJ can’t help but defend.

She frowns at him. “How’d you know?”

“Well, cause, like…My dad buys from her brother, right? So, he’s seen her around,” JJ shrugs, cutting himself off with another swig of his drink.

She raises a brow. “And he’s told you that she’s not a junkie? How does that line up?”

“Didn’t you used to have calc with her?” Pope asks Kiara, accidentally saving JJ in the process.

“Yeah. She was actually kinda brainy, too,” Kie replies, glancing back to you.

You’re laughing. JJ’s not sure if he’s imaging the sound or if the noise is carrying.

“I’ve gotta say, didn’t expect someone who looks like Barry to have a sister like that,” Pope mutters.

“Well, she’s adopted, so,” Kie explains simply. It wasn’t a secret, exactly. People just seemed to know that about you. “There used to be three of them: her, Barry and Louis.”

“Louis?”

“The eldest,” Kiara says. “He joined the army too but died in action or something.”

He didn’t die in action. JJ knows that for a fact. He killed himself from the trauma of shooting a man dead-on, leaving a suicide note to explain. He also knows that’s what drove your mom to start abusing pills, becoming hooked on oxy and eventually heroin, until she died with a needle in her arm. He also knows that’s what brought Barry back home, from the army, to take care of you, as a minor, so you didn’t have to go into foster care. Only knows that he did it because it was his mom’s dying wish. He knows that you don’t do drugs, outside of drinking and cigarettes - not even weed. He knows it’s because you’re scared of becoming a junkie like your mom and dying like she did. He knows you didn’t join the army because of what happened to your eldest brother. He knows you prefer to do handy-man jobs instead of following after Barry with the drug-dealing business. That you try to talk Barry out of it almost every day because of all the shit hegets into. Like being involved in fights and helping fugitives and being robbed of twenty-thousand dollars.

JJ finishes his drink in two large gulps.

“I need a refill,” he mutters, crushing the can in his grip.

Pope and Kiara aren’t listening though. He looks up to see they’re now watching something else. He follows their gaze to see a fight breaking out. Squinting through the flicker of the embers, he recognises the flash of blonde hair and the dart of brown. Topper and John B. The trio rush over to help.

It seems the fight with John B and Topper is the warm-up act to the large tiff coming. Before things can get anymore ugly, the Pogues are rushing away from the rowdy crowd, back to the Twinkie. JJ leans against the open window, finishing his beer with a burp.

“Well, that was a little unexpected,” he sardonically quips.

“Was it?” Kie asks from inside the Twinkie.

JJ shrugs, bobbing his head from side to side in deliberation. Then, his eyes catch someone moving in the distance. It’s like you’re a magnetic, always grabbing his attention. Wiping the back of his mouth, gaze still fixed on you as you seemingly mess with your backpack, as if preparing to leave, he deliberates going over. JJ has enough alcohol in him to swallow his pride and do so.

“Hey, I’m gonna be right back,” JJ mumbles, stepping away from the van.

Kiara frowns at him. “What’re you doing?”

“I need to ring it out,” JJ casually lies.

Kie rolls her eyes. The other Pogues are too distracted by discussing the fight to pay too much mind. JJ slips away and follows you out of sight. Then, he quietly calls out your name. You turn around on reflex.

“JJ?”

“Hey, I just…Are you leaving?” he asks, stopping a safe, unnatural distance from you.

Your backpack is slung over your shoulder. You shrug. “Well, you and your friends kind of broke up the party.”

“Topper started that, actually, so,” JJ lamely corrects, gesturing back to the fire.

You roll your eyes. “What do you want, JJ?”

“I wanna talk,” he says, stepping closer. “About what happened at the beach and everything.”

“It’s whatever,” you sigh. You shift your weight from one foot to the other, almost nervously. “It’s in the past now.”

“Is it? Cause we haven’t spoken since and…”

You quirk a brow as JJ trials off. “And?”

“Well,” he sighs, sticks his hands in his pockets. Strange, how after being with you for nearly eight months, it still feels abnormal to be so affectionately open. “Well, I miss you.”

“Wow, what lovely luke-warm sentiment.”

“Look, I’m serious, alright?” JJ says, walking over to you. He grabs for one of your hands and fights to keep it in his hold. You’re obviously reluctant to talk to him but JJ knows you have a weakness for him. That he can sweet talk his way out of anything with you. Part of him feels guilty for it, but the other part is nothing short of relieved. He battles to try and have your gaze meet his. “Where’s your brother tonight?”

“I don’t know,” you mumble.

JJ’s pretty sure you’re lying. He gently cups at your jaw, coaxing you to look up at him. The two of you hold the gaze for a while. There’s a plethora of emotions swimming in your eyes.

Sighing, relenting, you confess, “he’s collecting. Won’t be back until early morning.”

“Like six-ish?”

“More like eight-ish,” you reply.

Leaning down slowly, pressing his forehead against yours, he lets his eyes slip shut. “I’m sorry for being an asshole on the beach, okay?"

Nothing. Then,

"Asshole’s a strong word.”

JJ smiles. If you’re cracking jokes in his favour, then you’re warming back up to him already. The spool isn’t too far unwound to be past the point of repair.

“I have to go deal with John B, but can I come by afterwards? Make it up to you?”

“There’s a lot of making up you have to do,” you tell him.

JJ grins. “Well, we’ve got a lot of time to get it done.”

His smile dwindles only slightly when you pull your face away from his. He opens his eyes into yours. You’re gnawing on your lower lip, deliberating.

“You hurt me, JJ,” you whisper.

He looks down. Nods and purses his lips. Hearing you say something like that to him feels akin to you hurling a well-deserved insult.

“Don’t do it again, alright?”

“Okay,” he nods. At the squeeze of your hand in his, he finds himself looking back up, meeting your gaze. He nods again, firmer. “I won’t.”

“Okay,” you nod back. There’s a hint of a smile peaking through again, like rays of sunshine breaking through clouds on an overcast day.

Kiara hollers JJ’s name from the Twinkie, in the distance. You lean up and press a chaste kiss to his lips. It’s rude how quick it is.

“Come by later.”

JJ nods. Kisses you back, harder, making you chuckle. Then he’s heading back to his friends, sending you one last smile over his shoulder. It feels so secretive as if something taken from Romeo and Juliet; it’s almost exhilarating.

When JJ gets back to the van, Pope is sat behind the wheel, drumming a tune on it. Kiara and John B are talking in the back, the latter holding a cold can against his banging head.

“Where the hell were you, bro?” Kie asks.

“Did you take a dump in the woods?” John B adds.

JJ clambers into the front seat. Pope starts the engine.

“All them cans, man,” he lies, glancing out the window. “We heading back to the chateau?”

“Uh-huh,” Kie affirms. She sounds sceptical, like she’s deep in thought.

JJ doesn’t pay much mind to it. Instead, he nods and hides his smile behind his fist, leaning an arm against the open window frame.

~*~*~*~*~*

Echoing around JJ’s head is the preen of your voice from when you came. Sedated and spent, it almost works well as a lullaby, soothing him as JJ lies on his back on your bed. Your head has found home in the nook beneath his collarbone, tucked under his arm, nestled like a bird on its favourite branch. He leisurely strokes his fingers against the bare skin of your back, drawing patterns, writing incoherent sonnets. You’ve taken to joining his sparse freckles up by an invisible line, traced with your finger. It’s peaceful and perfect, and you’re not mad at him anymore, and JJ feels as though he can breathe right again. He sighs. Stares at the ceiling.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“What the hell am I gonna buy with a penny?”

“Fine. Quarter for your thoughts?”

“Do I get that now or should I request a down-payment.”

“You know what? Forget it,” you huff, amused, nonetheless.

JJ sniggers. Gently presses his fingers into the flesh of your back as an undefined apology.

“What do you wanna know?”

“What you’re thinking about,” you quietly reply.

“I’m thinking about us,” JJ privately returns.

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

And he is. Thinking about the way you were crying out his name, tears in your water line that only turned him on more. The way you whined when he roughly grabbed at your hips, pulling you any which way to appease the both of you. He’s still replaying back the crack in your voice when you came around him. After sleeping with you, JJ’s not sure how he can be expected to think of anything else.

“So, I wanted to ask you something,” you say, pulling away from his hold.

JJ’s peaceful threatens to break, like a truck rattling through a country line road. Please don’t let it be about the Pogues again.

“Yeah?”

The two of you naturally shift so you can look eye to eye, bodies now only connected by JJ’s lose hold around your waist and your entangled feet. It takes all his will power not to stare at your exposed chest. Namely, at the love bite he’s left on your clavicle.

“It’s my birthday next week,” you tell him, voice a little reserved, “and I thought we could celebrate together?”

“Oh yeah? I might have a few ideas on how,” JJ slimily jokes. He suggestively squeezes your hip as a smirk grows on his face. You roll your eyes and flush under his stare.

“Well, yes, that, but also…I was thinking a picnic? On the beach, at our usual spot? Just the two of us.”

JJ’s expression softens. He nods. You grin back in reply.

“Yeah?”

“Sounds good, pretty thing,” he says.

You laugh, raking a finger through your hair. “I don’t think I look all pretty like this but—”

“—I think you look the prettiest like this,” JJ grins in disagreement, leaning up to nudge his nose against yours.

Your laugh bounces off his lips.

JJ’s not lying. Seeing you post-sex is like seeing a Greek goddess in the flesh. Better, even. You sit bare for him, no shame in your figure and any of the so-called imperfections it holds. At the thought, JJ suddenly becomes more aware that he’s naked, too. To be so casual about it requires a trust between two people, surely, and JJ’s never been good at trusting. You, however, are trusting from the get-go. Naïve might be a better word, but that implies that you’re dumb and foolish, which you aren’t. You just have this hopefulness that everybody has a goodness to them, somewhere, deep down. Maybe living with Barry and his crowd drives that trait for you. People do bad things but they’re not bad people was the quote JJ knew you lived by.

JJ kisses you, sliding a hand up your thigh, chasing what the two of you had shared only ten or so minutes ago. You don’t seem to complain. You melt into his touch, kiss him back gladly, hook your arms around his shoulders.

“Wednesday. Next week.”

“Mhm,” JJ hums. He guides you to lay down, clambering atop.

“I’m serious. Seven P.M.”

“Yeah, yeah, seven,” he repeats against the flesh of your neck. He starts kissing down your sweat-sheened body.

Sighing, your fingers loops into the strands of his hair, tugging him to look up at you. JJ can’t hold back the quiet groan it elicits. He loves when you do shit like that. He meets your gaze and this might be the best angle he’s ever had of you, looking up from down below, making out your hooded gaze past your breasts. He feels himself harden at the sight.

“Tell me when and where,” you demand.

JJ manages not to roll his eyes. He presses a kiss to your tummy. “Seven P.M.”

A kiss to your abdomen. “Wednesday.”

A kiss to your pelvic bone, that has you exhaling in bated anticipation. He grins. “At our spot on the beach.”

“Thank you,” you smile.

With that, JJ goes down on you. He’s insatiable.

You’re still soaked from the last time you two fucked. The flavour of your cum mixed with his is fucking pornographic. Pair that with the sounds JJ spurs from you and he’s sure that the two of you have your tickets for hell already in your wallets. No complaints. If this is hell, JJ will gladly burn, all day long.

“Stop wriggling,” he says, lips wet.

“‘m sensitive, you asshole,” you slur.

“That how you should be talking to the guy eating you out right now?”

“Shut up and fuck me.”

You hook a leg over his shoulder, urging him back to your cunt. JJ chuckles darkly before pushing your legs open wider, going in again with newfound hunger, bathing in your cries and cusses. He’s only known religion when he’s lied with you. As he lips suckle at your clit, he teases your weeping entrance with his finger. Pushing in, his silver ring cooly slides against your walls. You whine out, fucked up and pretty, and JJ rocks against the mattress, hard again.

“Fuck, JJ,” you whimper.

He glances up a moment to see you’re rubbing a hand to your forehead. Face contorted in overwhelming pleasure, there’s tears in your waterline again for the second time that night, and its JJ’s doing. It feels fucking fantastic.

“You close, baby?”

“Mhm,” you moan.

He uses his other hand that isn’t finger fucking your pussy to hold your hips down to the mattress. Picking up the pace, JJ works at you, watching your face as you teeter closer and closer to the edge.

“Come on, baby. Show me how fucking pretty you look when you come,” JJ grins.

Your body swallows at his fingers when you finish. Walls contracting again and again, JJ mouths swears against the soft skin of your stomach as he gently eases you through your high. There’s a quiet sob of euphoria.  

“Nobody fucks you as good as I do,” JJ can’t help but boast, slipping his fingers out of you. “Gonna fuck you so good baby.”

He’s shifting you onto your stomach. Your body’s pliant like a rag doll but he knows you can take more. You’d tell him if you couldn’t; if you wanted him to stop. But as you raise your hips up for him, body dripping with cum that has JJ almost falling over the edge himself, he knows you want more. It’s like you were built for him or something. The yin to his libido-oriented yan. When JJ fucks you into the mattress, your face is mushed against the pillow. Wailing and moaning and fucking desperate. JJ finds himself coming all too soon and he does so with a groan of your name.

~*~*~*~*~*

In between school and treasure hunting and sneaking to and from your house, life still happens. Bills still need paying and food still needs eating.

JJ became used to working like a grown man ever since his mother left. His dad was less than reliable so if he wanted a full stomach and a roof over his head (unless he took advantage of John B), JJ had to start earning. Mostly odd jobs and side hustles to prevent the pockets from going empty. Running groceries to figure eight with Pope always helped. The other Pogues decided to tag along for the ride, too. They’re lounging on the boat, waiting for Heyward to finish bagging up all the produce they needed to deliver.

Sound carries easy on open water. It’s the sound of your laughter that catches JJ’s attention. He glances over instinctively. There you are, stood with three people along the jetty. You’re wearing a pair of denim-short overalls with a tee-shirt underneath. Not any tee-shirt: his tee-shirt. It sits a little big on you. Your hair is pulled back and you’re smiling. One hand in a pocket and the other holding a screwdriver. You must be doing an odd job on one of the local’s boats.

“I didn’t know she worked on boats,” Pope says.

JJ looks to him. He hadn’t realised that the others had clocked you too.

“Junkies gotta pay for their stuff somehow,” John B mutters.

“She’s not a junkie, dude,” JJ sighs. “Just cause her brother is don’t mean the whole family is.”

“Why’re you getting so mad about this?” Kiara wonders, glancing to her friend.

JJ shrugs. Shoves his hands in his short’s pockets. “Jus’ don’t think it’s fair talking crap about someone when there’s no need.”

“Not just anyone though, JayJ,” Kie says.

“Yeah. I mean, did you forget the fact that her brother literally robbed us at gunpoint?”

“And that you stole from him?”

“And that he laid you out for it,” John B finishes.

“I don’t need reminding of all that crap, alright? I’m perfectly aware. Damn,” JJ snaps, shooting the trio a glare.

Pope and John B seem to shrug it off. Kiara’s watching JJ again. It’s starting to become irritating, like a pebble that you can’t get out of your trainer.

“Kie what?”

“Nothing.”

“If you’ve got something to say to me, just say it,” JJ tells her.

She shrugs and glances back to you. Then, she shakes her head.

“Doesn’t matter.”

JJ can’t help but use the opportunity steel another look of you himself. You’re nodding at something one of the fisherman’s saying. Taking a glance over your shoulder at the boat, you point at something. It must be about the job they’ve asked for you to do.

“I wouldn’t trust her to work on my boat,” Pope says. “All I’m saying is, that family is bad news.”

“Since when did we judge others from the cut?” JJ mumbles, looking to his trainers as he scuffs them on the boat floor.

“Since their brother attacked us,” Pope returns.

JJ decides keeping quiet is best. It has to be, because if not, he won’t be able to hold his tongue any longer. He’s going to fly off the handle, in your defence, and they’re going to catch on. Worse, it might catch your attention, and you might just come over and casually introduce yourself to his friends, as if they hadn’t been speculating about you behind your back. The whole situation fills JJ with anxiety. The secret isn’t feeling so fun anymore. It’s bordering on dirty work, pummelling him with dread and shame, the same way a dealer might sleep with one eye open.

Heyward is JJ’s saving grace. He appears with reams of carrier bags in a small cart, calling out for the Pogues to start loading up. Later, as they set off towards figure eight, JJ glances your way one final time. You’re watching him. The smile on your face is gone and JJ’s never wanted to see it more.

~*~*~*~*~*

Time always passes quickly with you. It feels to JJ as though you’ve both been sat on your bed playing board games for less than an hour when two have passed. He sits across from you, messing with his lighter, as you deliberate over your concealed letters. He loves the way your brain works. You always have the most creative mind. It’s a shame it’s going to waste, out here, in the trailer.

A small grin comes to your face. You gather up your letters and lean forward to reach the board that sits atop of your duvet. JJ shamelessly glances down your tee shirt as it gapes open by the collar. It used to be his but you’d claimed it a month into dating him. He didn’t much mind. It looked better on you anyway. It was the one you were wearing at the docks, yesterday. Neither of you had mentioned that though.

“Zealous,” you say as you spell it out on the board.

Your fingers tap on each block as you count up your points. The chipped blue nail varnish shines bright in the sunlight streaking through your bedroom window.

“16 points with a double letter score on the ‘s’, making it 17.”

“17 big ones,” JJ mumbles as he writes your score down.

“Read it and weep, baby.”

JJ sighs in thought and leans back on his arms, deliberating over his letters. The room smells like incense, done to counteract the stench of mould, damp and cannabis.

JJ didn’t even know ‘zealous’ was a word. He debates on asking you what it means but decides against it. He sort of wants you to think he knows the word like you do, well enough to pluck it easily from your mind. It’d be funny to see you and Pope go head-to-head in this game, JJ comes to think. It’s a shame that’ll never come to be.

“Okay,” JJ says after homing in on his word. He begins to spell it on the board. “Asshole.”

“JJ, curse words aren’t allowed,” you tell him.

JJ glances up at you, midway through spelling. “Since when?”

“Since always. It’s in the rule book.”

“Who actually reads the rule book?” JJ snorts. He keeps spelling. “Sides. It’s not a curse word, it’s a factual term. The hole of the ass: asshole.”

“Thank you for that definition,” you sarcastically reply.

JJ finishes spelling and he begins to count up his points. He feels his grin begin to morph into a cocky smirk as he totals up.

“10 points anda triple letter score and a double word score, making this…”

He drumrolls on his knees as he takes a moment to do the maths in his head. “44 baby.”

“What?” you bark, leaning over to check.

JJ sniggers to himself as he goes to write his points. The pen is snatched from his hold.

“Hey!”

“You’re cheating!”

“How am I cheating?” JJ laughs.

“Swear words aren’t allowed!” you loudly tell him. You begin to remove his letters from the board.

“Hey!” JJ repeats, lunging over to grab them off you. You refuse to yield, holding them against your chest. “Gimme them!”

“You’re such a child!” you say, beginning to laugh.

JJ glances up to meet your gaze as he replies, “and you’re not? Stealing my letters from the board cause I got a better score?”

“I can’t give up my ‘z’ just for you to get more than double the amount of points with ‘asshole’!”

“Sore loser,” JJ mutters.

He’s still battling you for the plastic letters. In the process, he ends up knocking the board, sending all the other letters out of whack.

“JJ!”

“That was technically you, bro…”

“Let go!” you laugh.

You’ve tumbled onto your back now. JJ’s laughing too, trying to prise your hands open. He grins as he moves a hand under the shirt to tickle at your rib cages. Now you’re in hysterics, crying out, shaking from the humour.

“Stop! Stop! You win, alright! You win!”

Your hand tumbles open and JJ steals the letters back. He lamely tosses them onto the ruined scrabble board with a chuckle, instead leaning down to kiss your giggling mouth. You barely kiss him back through your laughter. JJ doesn’t much care. Hearing you laugh might be the best sound on earth.

“You can’t just kiss me and think you’re off the hook for ruining the game,” you say, opening your eyes into his.

JJ rolls his eyes mirthfully, propping himself above you with one arm. “Well, I didn’t ruin the game—”

“—You messed up the board!”

“Because you wouldn’t give me back my letters!”

You’re vivaciously laughing again, prompting JJ to do so, too. He presses wet kisses to your jawline. Breathes in the scent of you – rose and bergamot – and wishes he could bathe in the smell. Wishes he could bottle it up and carry it around with him, so he never has to be without. He doesn’t say that though. Knows you’ll laugh at him if he does. Instead, he kisses you once more before pulling back to meet your gaze. You’ve mostly calmed your laughter now. Reaching up a hand, you steal his skew-whiff cap and place it on your head with a playful grin.

“How’s it look?”

“You’re almost as handsome as me,” JJ returns, flicking at the lip of it.

You snort. “Impossible.”

JJ can’t help but kiss you again. You sigh into it. Stroke lovingly at his jaw. The moment he pulls away for breath, you’re talking again. He thinks he could listen to your ramblings and never get bored.

“Can you sleep over tonight?”

Plucking out a strand of her to mess with, JJ replies, “what time’s your brother home?”

“Why? You wanna sleep in his bed instead?”

“Har har,” he deadpans. Blows a raspberry against your throat, making you laugh. “Seriously, though. What time?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “Maybe one-ish, in the morning?”

JJ nods. He tucks the hair behind your ear. “I don’t think I can.”

You sigh, not particularly irritated, smile still on your face. “He’s not that scary, JJ. I don’t get why you won’t just meet him. When you talk to him, you’ll be fine.”

“I just don’t want him thinking I’m treating his little sister badly. Gotta wine and dine you first,” JJ returns teasingly. He lies through his teeth as if it comes as natural as breathing.

“We’re not Catholics, JayJ,” you snicker. “I don’t think he’d drop dead if he knew there was a guy in my bed.”

“Still,” JJ says. “I don’t want to meet him by bumping into him in the morning.”

You sigh. You run your fingers through his hair in a way that has him weak in the knees. JJ loves how you touch him like he’s something precious; dote on him like a rich parent might to their only child. The way you look at him, it makes JJ feel somewhere between a young God and an innocent man. It’s like he couldn’t do wrong in your eyes. The thought shouldn’t bring as much dread to JJ as it does.

“Could you at least stay over on Wednesday night? Barry’s out of town for a couple of days, then.”

“Sure,” JJ shrugs. “Why Wednesday?”

Your smile momentarily falters. “Wait, for real?”

Oh. Fuck, of course. The picnic. Your birthday. His mind has been so scattered lately, with sneaking around and throwing the Pogues off his scent, and the chaos with the cross and the island room and Sarah and John B…Days seem to merge into one. It’s hard to keep track sometimes.

JJ hopes he plays it off well as he grins. “I’m just messing with you. I know it’s your birthday.”

Your sigh of relief is a little too real. It makes him feel guilty like a man on trial. You gently bat at his chest. “Asshole.”

“Hey! That’s a 44-point word,” JJ winks.

You roll your eyes and smile up at him, and JJ considers staying like this forever.

He doesn’t miss how your smile doesn’t stretch all the way like usual.

~*~*~*~*~*

It’s starting to feel like JJ needs organisers for his mind and thoughts. They’re racing, twenty-four-seven, robbing him of sleep. Daydreams about the cross and what the hell the island room might be. Daydreams about riches if they somehow find it. Daydreams about the future, with you always finding yourself at the forefront. White dress, gold ring, swollen belly…Thoughts about you and fears about people finding out. About the robbery that haunts him and how, because of his own stupid choices, the two of you may never reach that future. How he knows that you’re slipping away from him, slowly but surely, like sand falling through his fingers, grain by grain. How he might not be able to keep his grip. How it might all have been inevitably doomed from the start. I mean, aren’t all the greatest love affairs?

“You’re thinking an awful lot over there, JayJ,” Kiara says.

“Yeah. You’re probably gonna end up hurting yourself,” John B adds.

“Charming, man. Thank you,” JJ sighs.

He tugs off his cap and tosses his head back with another deep exhale. The Pogues are lounging around at the chateau.

“What’s bothering you so much?” Kie wonders.

“You know, just…” JJ gestures lamely. “All this bullshit cross stuff. No offence, Pope.”

“None taken, I don’t think,” he replies.

“I mean, couldn’t Denmark have just written co-ordinates or something. And made a spare key,” JJ mutters. He’s aware of the glare Pope shoots his way. “Jus’ saying.”

“It is a bit cryptic,” Kie backs.

Pope sighs. “Look, it’s somewhere on this island. If we get to it first, then the key doesn’t really matter. All I know is that it’s somewhere on this island.”

“Great. That narrows down our hunt,” JJ says under-breath.

“So broody,” John B teases.

“Yeah. I refuse to believe the cross is bothering you this much,” Kiara says.

“Why’s everyone on my back all of a sudden?” JJ snaps, looking to his friends. “Like, can we all just back off for now, alright? I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

John B holds his hands up as if he’s surrendering. “Easy, JayJ.”

“We’ve woken the beast,” Pope mumbles, making the other two laugh.

JJ rolls his eyes. He lays back on the hammock and folds his arms under his head. The weed and the liquor haven’t made him loosen up. His eyes trace the clouds in the sky above, through the canopy of the tree. Somewhere in his daydreams and thoughts, as the rest of the Pogues chatter, he ends up closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

When JJ comes to, it’s with a start. It seems to startle Kie, too, who’s sat on the grass, lazily thrumming her ukulele.

“You good?”

He sits up slowly. Rubbing his face, JJ retrieves his cap. “How long was I out for?”

“Three hours.”

JJ is suddenly awake, any drowsiness gone in a second.

“What?”

Kiara shrugs and keeps plucking out the easily melody she’s invented.

“We tried to wake you up but you just shrugged us off, so we thought it was better if we just let you sleep. Seemed like you needed it.”

JJ only half hears her. His mind is still reeling from the reality that he was asleep for three hours.

“Wait, what time is it?”

He retrieves his phone from his short’s pocket. Pressing the power button, JJ cusses when he realises it’s dead.

“What’s the big deal?” Kie mutters, watching him get to his feet in a hurry.

“What fucking time is it?” he sharply returns. He’s lacing up his boots again.

She mumbles a less than needed comment under breath but pulls out her phone nonetheless, glancing at the screen.

“Almost nine.”

No.

No, no, no.

It must be written on his face, the soul-crushing, body numbing horror overcoming JJ. The kind of dread one gets when they remember on some idle Thursday a piece of paperwork they needed to do the previous day, though only worse. A million times worse. Kiara frowns up at him in concern.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing,” JJ mumbles darkly.

He yanks his cap off and paces the garden. He can’t call you – his phone’s dead. Would you even answer anyway? Will you still be at the beach? Should he go? No, of course, he should go. He has to go.  

“JJ, it’s clearly not ‘nothing’.”

“It’s none of your goddamn business, Kie, alright?” he snaps.

JJ doesn’t have time to feel guilty for snapping at his friend. He has to see you. He has to make this right. The sand is falling through his fingers now, the gaps between digits nothing more than gaping caverns.

JJ pulls back on his cap and heads straight for his bike. He kicks off the stand and starts the engine in a hurry. Then he’s hurling towards the beach-spot; secluded and quiet and serene - everything JJ feels as though he’s not. He practically dumps his bike in the process of rushing to see you, racing down the familiar track to the dunes. He’s panting, panic deep in his chest, a hand coming up to rub at his heart as if worried it might beat out his body. He looks up and down the beach, searching for any sign of you, and then his eyes fixate on something. He runs over, ducking down to see it’s your cardigan.

“Fuck,” JJ mumbles.

He looks out to the water. It’s sunset. Reflects on the water, shimmers on the sand.

“Fuck.”

JJ tightens his grip on your cardigan like it’s a part of you and heads to the house without thinking. He needs to find you and make this right. The stairs creak under foot as he hurries up them, onto the porch and inside the house. Ditching the cardigan on the kitchen table, he makes a b-line for your bedroom. The door’s shut. Rapping twice on the wood, quick and short, impatient, JJ leans against the doorframe. Calls out your name.

“I know you’re home, okay? Look, can we just talk?”

Knocks again, louder. Tries the handle. Locked. He repeats your name, calling out to you, tone desperate.

“I just wanna talk, alright!? Please! I know I messed up but just hear me out and—”

The door swings open. He’s breathing heavy, trying uselessly to alleviate his anxiety, and looks down to meet your gaze. His stomach constricts like a boa snake. You’re crying. Shoulders hung like you’ve lost a battle and body sagging like you’re exhausted.

“I…”

JJ’s words die on his tongue. An apology seems so minuscule now. It’s like trying to put out a dumpster fire with a glass of water.

“I lost track of time.”

You scoff. Shake your head, breaking his gaze.

“You lost track of time,” you repeat, under breath, voice unfamiliar.

“I did and…I know I messed up, okay? I’m sorry I just…I forgot and--”

“You forgot? You forgot, huh?”

You’re looking up at him now but your eyes are narrowed. The pain has morphed into anger. Lips are downturned into a disapproving frown.

“Did you think that’s how I wanted to spend my birthday, JJ?”

“I know, but I—”

“No,” you interrupt, holding up a hand. The tears are still falling and each one feels like a pinprick to JJ’s chest. “I’m talking now.”

JJ swallows thickly.

“Did you think that I wanted to spend my eighteenth birthday on the beach having a picnic? I mean, did you think I didn’t have better offers? That my friends didn’t want to throw me a party, and that I didn’t want to get drunk and celebrate with the people in my life that care about me? No! I wanted to go for a picnic because I wanted to spend my birthday with you. And you don’t even show up! You don’t call me, you don’t text! You just leave me, sitting there, like a fucking idiot, on my own. And do you know the worst part, JJ?”

He can feel his own lips quivering. Purses them together to fight back the tears. He can feel the tapestry ripping.

You hold his gaze as your lips form a demented smile. A solemn laugh accompanies your confession. “The worst part is, I wasn’t even surprised when you didn’t show up. In fact, I had a feeling that it would happen.”

“Don’t say that,” JJ whispers.

“‘Don’t say that?’ What? Say that you treat me like shit?”

“I don’t treat you like shit,” JJ argues back. Because he doesn’t, does he?

“You don’t—JJ! What can’t you see here?” you snap at him, gesturing around you. “You’ve been losing me for a long time and you’ve just let it fucking happen! It’s like you knew you were on thin ice and you just kept on jumping! I mean, did you want us to fail? Was it easier than just breaking up with me?”

“Why would I want us to fail!?” JJ shouts back.

You turn around and retreat into your bedroom, shaking your head. JJ finds himself following.

“Answer me!”

“I don’t have to answer you, JJ!” you scream at him, spinning around. “I mean, how else am I supposed to interpret this whole situation!?”

“I love you, alright? Isn’t that enough for you?” JJ yells. His tone is angry but his face is crumbling.

You shake your head. Wrap your arms around yourself like a hug. “No! It isn’t! It can’t be, okay? I told you before: I don’t want to be a secret forever, JJ.”

“You’re not a secret—”

“Then tell me why I can’t meet your friends? Why you can’t meet my brother? I know I don’t come from the best home, JJ, and I know my family is a mess and I’m probably gonna end up in an early grave like the rest of them—”

“-Don’t say that—”

“And I know I’m not the kind of thing that people want to show off but…” You catch your breath through your sobs. Steel yourself. “But I’m a good person, JJ. I know I’m a good person, and I deserve good things, and I deserve someone who makes me feel good.”

“I can,” JJ pleads. He clears the space between you. Grabs for your hands. Feels the ground break beneath him when you fight out of his grip. “I can make you feel good.”

“You don’t, though,” you cry. “I don’t feel good, JJ. I feel fucking used.”

No.

No, no…It’s falling apart and JJ can’t lose you. He can’t…This can’t end like this. He feels like he’s a kid again, begging for his mom not to walk out, begging for forgiveness from his dad. It’s screamingly familiar. He can’t lose another thing. He can’t lose you. Wasn’t that what all this was for? The lying and the secrets was all some desperate attempt to keep you. JJ had to keep you.

JJ pants, stood before you, feeling more vulnerable than he ever has before, even more so than when he’s laid bare in front of you. You’re still crying and it’s because of him, and that hurts worse than any punch JJ’s ever had thrown at him.

“Tell me how to fix this,” JJ begs.

You shake your head.

“Tell me how to fix this,” he repeats, demanding it. “I need to fix this!”

You lift your head slowly to meet his gaze. He knows he looks desperate. Sounds it, too. But he doesn’t care. Hell, he is. He needs you in his life. With everything else that has been going on, you’re the one ray of sun, always warming his soul. His smile and his shine. JJ doesn’t know joy without you. Doesn’t know love or pleasure or trust, like he does with you. His daydreams of the future are falling apart in this moment. No dress and no house and no family. Nothing. Just him and a bottle and his wasted heart.

“Let me meet your friends,” you manage out. “I meet your friends, and you meet my brother and meet my friends, and we go on dates together like normal people, and we don’t keep this a secret. And you show up to my birthdays and you’re not late to our dates and you stay overnight and…And I get to have you. All of you. Just…Just do that and we can try and make this work, JJ.”

JJ starts crying. He’s sobbing, stood before you, because he knows that this is over now. It’s over.

You nod. It seems his tears are answer enough.

“You can’t,” you whisper. You say it, as though something has just become clear to you. Shaking your head, taking a step away from him, the distance is already gaping. You cry. “Even when you know you’re going to lose me. Your reputation is still more important to you than I am.”

“That’s not it,” he argues, wiping at his face. “That’s not what it is.”

“I don’t care, JJ,” you confess in a breath. Wipe furiously at your cheeks and stare up at the ceiling. “I don’t have the energy to care, anymore.”

JJ hadn’t experienced heartbreak before. The songs and the films lied about it, though. They play it down. It’s torturous. Slow and cavernous and insurmountably painful. He clutches at his t-shirt, over his chest, as if thinking he could make the pain stop. He wants all of this to stop. And with the next words you utter, he feels as if it does. He feels as if his whole world stops.

“We’re done, JJ.”

 ~*~*~*~*~*

Since the break-up, JJ feels as though he’s sailing through a storm-ridden sea without a compass or guide. No direction and no sign of freedom from the turmoil. He’s drowned his sorrows and anxieties with drugs. Booze for the tears and cannabis for the regret. Numbs the anger with nicotine and waits until he’s exhausted to drop to sleep for fear of dreaming about you, in any capacity. He can’t decide which dreams are worse: the ones where you’re mad at him and crying, or the one’s where you’re happy and laughing over a scrabble board. All of them feel like nightmares.

The group must’ve sensed a difference in him, but if they have, they don’t bother to mention it. JJ’s grateful. It’s not like he could talk about it anyway.

“Wake up, JayJ,” Kiara says. She kicks at his feet.

“Quit it,” JJ mumbles into the pillow.

“Come on. We’re going on a walk.”

“Have fun,” JJ sighs. He’s been awake for about five minutes and can already feel the craving for another beer starting up.

Kiara keeps kicking at his feet. It’s starting to tick him off.

“I mean me and you are going for a walk. Now get up,” Kie tells him.

“I don’t feel like walking, Kie,” JJ says impatiently.

“I don’t care, bro. I’m sick of seeing you wallow in the chateau. We could find the island room at any moment and we don’t need you like this when we do.”

He knows that’s not the truth. JJ knows his friends care about him (as hard as it is to fathom sometimes) and he knows that the way he’s acting must be of concern. Especially because they don’t know why. Who would suspect a break-up for a guy who’s been nothing but single his whole life?

But JJ doesn’t feel like pity. He doesn’t feel like talking or spending time with anyone else but a bottle of corona. His plans to fall back to sleep and ignore Kiara’s demands are thrown out the window, however, when she dunks a pint of cold water on his back. JJ cusses out, shooting up, feeling his head pound at the motion. Still a little drunk.

“What the hell Kiara!”

“Rise and shine,” she smiles in faux sweetness. She ditches the glass on countertop and heads out the front door, onto the porch. “You got five minutes, princess.”

“Fuck off,” JJ mutters under breath.

Clearly, Kie’s not going to lay off anytime soon. If he goes on this walk, even for five minutes, maybe JJ can be left in peace for the rest of the day to drink himself stupid. Besides, it would work as a nice distraction from falling into thoughts of you and checking his phone every five minutes in case you decided to text him. With that motivation, JJ tugs on a muscle tee and ties up the laces on his boots. Kiara holds out a joint in an act of peace when he steps onto the porch. It works in moving her back into his good books.

“Come on, man. Let’s go into the marsh,” Kiara says, standing up.

JJ walks by her side, smoking the blunt, passing it to her now and then. The sounds of the world somewhat mellow out when they pass the threshold into the marsh. Trees and shrubberies and bushes surrounding them. Their feet follow a path made purely from being trodden so many times. JJ kicks at a nettle plant as they pass. He’s taken to trying to distinguish the different birds around them purely from their calls.

“I know, by the way,” Kiara says, breaking their silence.

JJ looks at her. “Huh?”

“I know. About Barry’s sister,” she tells him.

JJ’s stomach drops. He’s surprised he doesn’t lose his footing. Clearing his throat, looking ahead again, he shrugs.

“What are you talking about?”

“It was kinda obvious, JayJ.”

JJ clenches his eyes shut. “Kie…I really don’t wanna talk about this, alright?”

“I had a feeling about it at the bonfire,” she says, ignoring him. “I mean, I knew you were into someone that day at the chateau, but I didn’t know who. And then you were jumping to her defence for like no reason. The real clue was when you went into the woods literally right after she did. Like, seriously, bro? Subtle much?”

“Did you not hear what I said, Kiara? I don’t wanna talk about it,” JJ hisses.

Kiara continues, nonetheless. “Then at the docks, you were defending her again. That wasn’t the giveaway though. The giveaway was the fact that she was wearing your tee-shirt, bro. That just sealed the deal for me.”

“Congratulations, alright? You solved the mystery. Now can you please just let it go,” JJ sharply tells her. He takes another hit of the bud, hoping it’ll help to calm him down.

“I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell us,” Kie says.

“Kiara-”

“I mean, I get wanting to keep it on the downlow maybe, but we’d have been cool with it,” Kiara tells him.

“I don’t wanna—”

“I haven’t told the others yet but—”

“Just shut up, alright!? Shut up!” JJ snaps.

His patience snaps like the fraying rope of a river swing. Plummets him into anger and drenches him in regret.

“What the hell, JJ? I’m saying that we support you, alright?”

“It doesn’t fucking matter, Kiara,” JJ shouts. He tugs off his cap and wrings it angrily in his hands. “None of it fucking matters!”

It seems as if he’s yelling at her, but he isn’t. Not actually. He’s mad at himself. Furious at managing to muck up one of the only good things in his life. JJ meets Kie’s gaze dead on.

“She left me, alright? It’s over. So, it doesn’t matter anymore, okay? So just drop it.”

Saying it out loud feels as though JJ’s shoving his nails into an open gash.

He collapses onto a fallen tree trunk, dropping his cap and hanging his head into his hands. When he rakes his fingers through his hair in frustration, it isn’t sweet like when you do it, and it only makes him miss you more.

JJ hears Kiara sigh. She sits down next to him and he watches her in his peripheral a moment.

“Is this why you’ve been acting the way you have?”

JJ doesn’t reply. He only sighs deeply into the clamminess of his palms. It seems to work as an answer in and of itself.

“Shit, JJ.”

“Don’t pity me.”

“Too late.”

He sighs again. Slowly, he lifts his head out his hands, keeping his fingers pressed near his lips as if in silent prayer.

“Can I ask how?”

“How what?”

“How it all ended,” she clarifies.

JJ glances to her. Kiara’s eyes are soft with sympathy. JJ shrugs as if he doesn’t know. As if it’s a mystery why you up and left, when the clues are as a clear as a confession note.

“I fucked it up. That’s how.”

“I feel like that’s not the whole truth, JayJ.”

“But it’s the point, okay? I fucked it up, like I fuck up everything, like I knew I would. It was a fucking pipe dream anyway.”

“I don’t understand,” Kiara mumbles.

Leaning down, she retrieves his cap and dusts it off. It stings just to look at it. It’s the same one you stole from him during one of your usual scrabble-offs. You always beat him. Always.

 “Can you just tell me what happened?”

“Why?” JJ sighs tiredly.

“So I can understand why you didn’t trust us enough to tell us,” she replies. JJ hates the momentary hurt that swipes across her features. “Pogues don’t keep secrets from Pogues.”

JJ shakes his head smally, like a boy in confessional. “It wasn’t because of you guys.”

“Then…Why?”

“It’s because of me,” JJ admits.

“JJ. Self-blame isn’t going to work—”

“No, Kiara. I actually mean it this time, alright? It’s because of me,” JJ doubles-down, holding her gaze. It’s suddenly exhausting to try and keep a lid on his emotions. “She didn’t want to keep it a secret, okay? She wanted to meet you guys, and for me to meet her friends and stuff. And it wasn’t that I didn’t want to. She’d get along great with you lot. I mean, she’s as damn smart as Pope and funny as hell. And she’s kind. Like actually kind, but not in a boring way, or in a push-over way. Just in a pure perfect kinda way. When she looks at me…God, this is going to sound corny as hell, but she makes me feel like I’m a good person. Like I can’t do anything wrong in her eyes. Least, she used to.”

A consoling hand is placed on his shoulder. It spurs him on.

“In all honesty, it started out as a secret because I didn’t think it’d last longer than a month. But then I started to fall for her, so hard and so fucking fast, and it scared the shit out of me. And I knew that if I wanted to keep her around, then she couldn’t ever find out about what I did to Barry.”

Kiara frowns as he says that, as if trying to follow. “Wait. Do you mean with the money and stuff?”

JJ nods, pursing his lips.

She shakes her head with a deep sigh. “JJ. That shit was so long ago—”

“It doesn’t matter. I still did it, alright? Barry’s all she’s got in terms of family and I stole from him. And not just a little bit. A lot. So if she ever found out; she’d leave me.”

Kie holds his gaze. “‘She’d leave you’? How do you know that?”

“I just do, okay?”

“No, JayJ, you don’t,” Kie tells him. “I mean, if she’s as good a person as you say she is, then how do you know she wouldn’t look past it? I’m sure she’s not blind to the fact that you do stupid shit, bro. Or that her brother isn’t the nicest of guys. He had a gun to our head, man.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore, does it? Cause I lost her anyway,” JJ returns, perhaps a little sharply.

Out of guilt, JJ looks away from his friend’s eyes. He rubs at his face, perhaps in an attempt to distract himself from this pitiful conversation. JJ could do with a shower and a shave. Didn’t seem all that important in the last week, though.

“Can I say something?”

“I have a feeling that you’re going to anyway,” JJ mutters.

“Is there a chance that you were using the thing with Barry as an excuse?”

JJ face darkens into a deep frown. Looking to her, he asks, “what?”

“I mean…I don’t think it’s exactly a secret that you aren’t good at accepting love.”

“Gee, thanks, Kie.”

“Just, hear me out,” she says, stopping him before he can go off in a huff. JJ does so reluctantly. “Telling her about Barry means that she sees you for your good and your bad, and keeping it from her, and from us, and from everyone really, means that it doesn’t actually become real.”

“I’m not following,” JJ mumbles.

“Lemme put it another way then,” she replies, rolling her eyes. “Maybe – on some level – by keeping it a secret, you felt like you couldn’t really lose her if things turned out bad.”

JJ frowns again, though this time, it isn’t out of offence. Instead, it teeters on the line of confusion and understanding.

Kiara doesn’t expand more. Just lets him sit with it for a moment. JJ looks down at his feet, skimming at the overgrown plants.

Was that it? Was the thing with Barry – JJ’s big motivation to keep your relationship a secret – mostly an excuse?

He didn’t want Barry to find out because he’d definitely beat JJ’s ass again and hound on him for getting with his sister, and you probably would be crushed to know he stole from your brother, but…But then what? Then things would surely move on. He’d either have you or lose you, but it’d be reality. By keeping things secret, it was as if JJ was only playing half his hand. That maybe the stakes would be somehow smaller if he didn’t have you completely, because then he wouldn’t lose you completely either. Ironic, how wrong that was. How it didn’t matter in the end.

JJ had taken beatings before. He could stomach another from Barry if it meant he got to have you in his life. He knows that now. In fact, having you leave him hurt worse than any right-hook Barry could send his way. Being down in the dirt wouldn’t matter all that much if you were there to pull him out and dust him off. It wouldn’t matter if you were just there.

Looking to Kiara, JJ swallows his pride. “I don’t know how to fix it, Kiara. I…I don’t know if I can.”

She sighs and nods in thought.

“Tell me what the last straw was.”

“The last straw?”

“The thing that made it all end, for good,” Kie says.

JJ purses his lips. The shame comes slow and simmering when he replies. “I stood her up. On her birthday. Her eighteenth birthday.”

“Ouch,” Kie eventually whispers.

JJ nods, looking down at the ground. “Yep. ‘Ouch’.”

“Okay, you know what you gotta do then,” she sighs, hopping to her feet. JJ looks up and takes her in.

“What?”

“You gotta go all out.”

“Excuse me?”

“You gotta swallow your pride and pull a romantic gesture.”

JJ doesn’t have it in him to burst into fits of laughter. Instead, he stares at Kiara as if she’s sprouted an extra head. All he can do is repeat himself.

“Excuse me?”

“We’re righting your wrongs and throwing her a birthday gesture, and you’re going to do some serious sucking up and swoon the shit out of this girl,” Kiara instructs. She holds out his cap for him.

JJ eyes it as if it might be laced with chloroform. “She’s really not the romantic gesture type, man.”

“Every girl is, deep down. Sides. Not like you have anything much to lose now.”

His eyes dart back up to Kie’s. She’s not wrong.

With that numbing thought, JJ grabs his cap back, shoves it on, and jumps onto his feet. “Fine. Fuck it.”

“Atta boy.”

~*~*~*~*~*

It was nice to realise that JJ’s week in purgatory hadn’t impaired his planning capabilities. Once he’d finished confessing to the rest of the Pogues about his nearly year-long secret relationship with Barry’s sister (and taken the brunt of the onslaught of questions, teasing and berating), they were more than willing to help out their friend.

JJ took advantage of your trustworthiness and willingness to help others to lure you out, with Kiara as bait. She’d go to your trailer, sneak to your bedroom window (which JJ identified in his incredible, Louvre-worthy drawing) and lure you out to ‘help with her faulty car motor’. JJ knew Barry was out collecting until later that day, so it was fairly safe to send Kie out there. She was more than willing to do it anyway. In the meantime, John B and Pope helped JJ set up some romantic gesture per Kie’s instruction. He felt like an idiot as he did it. This wasn’t your style or his, but he was throwing the hail Mary now. In for a penny, in for a pound.

I.E. Fuck it.

But now that everything is set up, JJ feels like he might throw-up with nerves. He’s already ran his vape dry and it feels like the nicotine has hardly touched him. Sat on the jetty, illuminated by a myriad of candles which are definitely a huge fire risk, JJ meddles with his lighter anxiously as he waits for Kie to come back with you on the boat. The water laps at the rotting podiums, holding him up. He sighs and listens to the sounds of nightlife, as the clock nears midnight. Whenever he closes his eyes, he sees your tear-soaked face, the moment before you broke up with him. JJ doesn’t close his eyes.

The symphony of nature is broken apart by the hum of a motorboat. He glances to the sound to see Kiara stood behind the wheel. You’re sat in the back, legs crossed; face the look of scepticism. It morphs into daylight-clear betrayal when you spot JJ.

“Wait. What the…”

JJ shakily exhales and gets to his feet. He’s not used to feeling this nervous around you. Kiara slows the motor to a stop at the jetty, but you don’t move.

“You said you needed help with your motor,” you say to Kiara.

She smiles apologetically. “Well, JJ said you were pretty trusting.”

“I don’t want to see you,” you say to JJ now.

JJ nods. Instinctively he shoves his hands in his pockets, letting his nails anxiously dig into the flesh of his palms. “I know. I know you don’t but I can’t let you have a shit birthday, no matter how things go between us.”

It seems with that; you take in the sights of the jetty. The candles placed around the peeling-paint wood. Two pillows to save you both from splinters. Between them sits a scrabble board, already set up. You gnaw at your lower lip. There’s the smallest movement of your head as you try to shake it.

“Just…Just give me this, and then you don’t have to talk to me ever again, if you don’t wanna. Okay?” JJ sighs.

He extends out a hand for you. His heart thrums with anxiety as he waits for your reaction.

Your eyes move up to his. You regard him a moment. Then, with a sigh, you’re getting to your feet and taking his hand, letting him help you onto the jetty. Kiara flashes JJ a small, reassuring smile, and then she’s making off into the night.

“This might be the corniest thing you’ve ever done, by the way,” you mumble.

You remove your hand from his and stand defensively on the edge of the wood, making him a little nervous that you might fall in.

“I know,” JJ chuckles uneasily, glancing down to the set-up. “Don’t bust my balls yet though, alright?”

He sits down on one of the pillows. Nods for you to take the other spot. After a moment’s consideration, you do. You bring your cargo-covered legs near to your chest as if closing yourself off from him. He watches as your eyes dart down to the scrabble board, void of letters, and then down to your selection.

“What is this?”

“One last game.”

“JJ…”

“Just one,” he almost pleads. The two of you look at one another. Sighing, he shrugs. “I can’t let our last conversation end the way it did.”

“I don’t feel like scrabble,” you say.

JJ nods and looks down to pick at his fingernails. This was such a dumb idea. Why the hell did he let Kiara talk him into this? John B and Pope are probably watching from the chateau, placing bets on how long it takes for you to leave him there, sniggering at his uselessness.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t wanna do this, JJ,” you tell him, glancing out to the water.

“Just please let me get this out,” JJ says. “Then I can get John B to drive you home, if you want. Or Kiara can come back with the boat. Whatever you prefer.”

You swallow. “John B knows I’m here?”

“Yeah,” JJ nods. “They all do. They all know.”

“Know what, exactly?”

“That I’m a fucking idiot, for starters,” JJ tells you. “And that I was dumb enough to lose you.”

“The pity parade isn’t going to win you points, JJ,” you say.

JJ shakes his head. “I’m not trying to win anything.”

“So this isn’t a ploy to try and win me back? Shame. You had me going for a second.”

“I’m a fucking idiot.”

“So you’ve said.”

“I am,” he affirms. It makes you chuckle quietly. He can’t tell if the humour is genuine. “This whole time, I was telling myself we had to stay as a secret because of something I did, but I was bullshitting myself. I just…Well, I think a part of me just wanted you to myself, and none of the pressures of everyone else, but I think another part of me didn’t want to risk losing you.”

You frown.

“Yeah, dumb, I know, cause I did anyway,” JJ mutters. Makes your smile halfway return. “But then you thought that it was because of you, for some reason. That it’s because of who you are. That’s not it. That was never it. It’s just…It’s hard to explain…”

“You don’t have to explain it, then,” you say. JJ closes his eyes at the sound of your voice, sweet with understanding. “But you do have to explain this thing you did. The thing that made you want to keep us a secret.”

JJ shakes his head and purses his lips. “You’re gonna hate me.”

“I don’t hate anyone,” you tell him.

Shakily exhaling, JJ looks out to the water. He steadies himself like a first-time surfer, then looks to you. You’re watching him expectantly, waiting.

“I have a past with doing stupid things. I mean, I think you know that but…I can do really stupid things sometimes. I don’t think ten steps ahead and I make bad choices and I can’t be talked down from them. And it makes messes. I’m not proud of it, I need you to know that.”

You nod.

JJ sighs. “Do you remember when I told you about the gold?”

You nod once more.

“Well, we tried to pawn some of it off one time. We got sent out into the middle of nowhere on a fake-out and this guy stops us and robs us all at gunpoint.”

“Wait, what?”  

JJ swallows and nods. “Somehow we got the upper hand and it turns out to be Barry. I recognised him as my dad’s dealer, you know?”

You’re shaking your head. “He wouldn’t…Why would he do that? He wouldn’t do that…”

“I got angry, like a fucking idiot,” JJ sighs, dragging his fingers through his hair as he hangs his head a moment. “So I take the wheel and take us to his house and…And I rob him. Twenty-thousand.”

There’s no reply for a while. Merely the lapping of the water and the faint crackle of the candle’s wicker as it burns.

“You robbed him?”

“Eye for an eye, you know?” JJ mumbles, no conviction to his words.

“Why…Why didn’t you tell me this?” you can’t help but ask.

JJ swallows thickly. He shrugs as he raises his head to look at you.

“I don’t know. I guess because I wasn’t sure if you’d tell Barry, or if you’d leave me, maybe? Or maybe I just…You always do the right thing and you have this way of looking at me like I’m this good person. I didn’t want that to go away.”

Your expression is stoic. He can’t quite read the emotions on your face, as each seems to come and go so quickly as you process JJ’s big confession. It’s like trying to understand a story from a torn-up foreign book.

In the silence of your deliberation, JJ feels himself shrug again. He meddles his fingers together, gazing down at them; his forearms resting atop of his knees, legs brought up to his chest similar to your own.

“I’m not a good person. I do bad things and I make bad choices and I suck at doing the right thing.”

“Stop it, JJ.”

He looks up to you with that. You’re shaking your head.

“There are no good people and bad people, so don’t start falling into some self-destructive spiel thinking it’s going to make me feel better about any of this,” you tell him.

JJ nods. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“I just…Why would Barry…I don’t understand,” you sigh. You clasp your hands over your face.

In that moment, JJ’s nearly certain he’s lost you for good. He half wants to gloat to Kiara that he was right; that you saw the real him and didn’t like it. But it isn’t a nice feeling. JJ hangs his head and prepares himself for the final blow. He’s already planning his request for John B to drive you back home. Debating if he’ll try and kiss you goodbye. Wonders which alcohol to wash it all down with.

“I’m sorry he did that to you, JJ.”

JJ’s head nearly flies off his head with how quickly it darts back up.

“What?”

“He told me he doesn’t do shit like that anymore,” you’re saying. JJ’s taken to watching your mouth, like he’s having trouble following your words in the silence of the night. “I told him I didn’t want him doing shit like that anymore. He lied to me.”

“I don’t understand,” JJ manages out.

You shake your head. “I’m not mad at you, for robbing him. People make bad choices, JJ, but that doesn’t make them bad people. The same way he went after you guys first. The same way I jumped to conclusions about why you wanted to keep this a secret.”

“How is that a bad choice?” JJ frowns. “I didn’t give you any better explanation for why. I was just so fucking scared that I’d lose you if you knew the truth.”

“Because I knew you weren’t the type of dumbass who gives a shit about family and reputation and appearances, but I still let my own fucking insecurities lead me to think that it was because of me. That you didn’t want to be seen with me because of my family, and all of their shitty choices. Including the gunpoint bullshit thing he pulled on you and your friends.”

JJ shakes his head. He instinctively reaches a hand out to you, grabbing at your trainer clad shoes and squeezing.

“I know more than anyone that people are more than their dumbass families.”

You chuckle solemnly at that. Moving your hand, you lay it atop of his and you don’t pull away when he flips his, palm up, and intertwines your fingers. It feels like you’re mending all his gashes from that single touch alone.

“I know you have every reason to say no to me here,” JJ begins. “I mean, I’ve been nothing short of a dumbass and…Well, I’m kinda beating around the bush here, but…”

You quirk a brow. There’s that smile he loves. Teasing and playful and perfect. You’re so fucking perfect.

“But here’s a crazy idea. How about we date, like normal people, and I don’t forget your birthdays, and I’m not late for our dates, and I sleep over at night. And you meet my friends, and I meet yours, and maybe I steer a bit clear of your brother still. Just to be safe.”

“Just so you can keep your balls.”

“Ideally, yeah.”

You both laugh at that. Both somewhat tearful.

You squeeze his hand.

“Well, if your friends know about us, we can just crash at the chateau more, I guess,” you say, voice reserved still, as if he might laugh in your face.

JJ doesn’t though. He smiles wider. Nods. “Now there’s an idea.”

“I think I’d be cool with that, then,” you half-whisper.

JJ smiles at you like you’re the sun and he’s the moon, and he’d spend forever in your orbit if you’d only let him. You might just.

Leaning forward, he kisses you, sweet and tender. You don’t let him pull back; moving to slide a hand around his neck, another slipping along his jaw like a priest’s gentle touch during baptism. This close, he can smell your perfume: rose and bergamot. And this; this is what living is for.

“I love you,” JJ confesses, the moment your lips break apart.

You laugh smally; your cherubic voice easing the cacophony of thoughts that had been plaguing JJ for the past month or so.

“I love you too, you idiot,” you return. Swiping your thumb over his cheek, smiling wider as he leans shamelessly into your touch, you add, “just stop doing stupid things, please.”

“Darling, there’s no way I can promise you that,” JJ returns.

He cuts off your wonderful laughter with a grinning kiss. He doesn’t care if his friends can see. If they’re making fun of him for how much he’s at your mercy. Afterall, JJ is in love with you. It’s not like it’s a secret or anything.

[vampiretendencies]

throw another stone at a glass house

request/summary; your writing literally gives me life. love it sm <3 would you be able to do something where jj and the reader get into an argument at dinner but they have a rule to never go to sleep mad at each other?

pairing; jj maybank x fem!reader

warnings; fluff & angst, maybe a bit suggestive

authors note; love loved writing this anon :,) pls continue to send in requests ! gif creds to owner

His cured blood was boiling— searing even.

Eatery being complacent, fairy bulbs roped neatly and whimsically throughout the establishment. Fake plastic plant leaves braided about the paneled open roof. The trimming on the tables simplistic and clothed white, any other vibrancy would clash with the modern elegance that was being established. Clammer from steel trays and the mouthy Kooks that JJ was rubbing elbows with.

His attire is classy to fit his false image— dapper wrinkle-free black button up: buttons done up until the narrowing of his chest, not too revealing, not too Pogue-like. Arms broad and fibrous, giving quite the show whilst they bulged and unbulged with every movement he made. Grey slacks, steamed specifically for this event, an absolute fool as to not recognizing himself cleaned up so pleasantly.

The amount of meals he missed simply for this one meal, to scrimp and scrape pennies together merely to see a joyous picture-perfect smile planted on your face.

And he hadn’t told you he was doing so, but for about around a month now he’s been saying ‘Got a special night for us in the works baby.’

You knew it was tonight and you knew the address.

It wasn’t a familiar one, no, the both of you, Pogues, and not having heard of such a lavish restaurant. Hell, JJ was even awestruck himself when he stepped foot in the door.

But to him it was showing you a glimpse into the future with him. The life he would scavenge to define, to escape the one he’s living in now.

Full Kook.

But, nevertheless a Pogue at heart.

With that being said, he cannot fathom as to why you wouldn’t be here.

As to why you wouldn’t be here basking in the night, with him.

As to what could possibly be any more revelation, right here.

“Sir, are you ready to order yet?”

The same lanky waiter, with a nasal like voice spoke— and the irritation of it made JJ’s skin crawl. His class bow tie, with upheld posture was something JJ cut his eyes at, interrupting his thoughts as he already done prior.

“I told you no the past three times, didn’t I?”

JJ bit back at the man, partially because he’d been to JJ’s table all those times within the span of twenty minutes, not to mention prior to when he’d arrived two hours ago. The waiters mouth turns up in disgust.

“M’waitin’ for my girl, alright?”

He proceeds to add, confirming again to not come back unless he proclaimed he was ready. A kind way of saying ‘fuck off’.

“We cannot continue to keep holding your table this long, there are other people waiting to eat.”

“I’ll call her.”

The waiter clicks his tongue, spinning on his heels to the rest of his section to serve. And JJ presses your contact in his phone, as he did thirty six calls ago— to be exact.

Pitiful, going straight to voice mail, beating organ falling straight to his half-cut boot clad feet.

Pissed, seeing to it that he should be. All this money, all this devotion, only for it to go to waste due to you not being on time?

JJ would give his soul away not feel this.

On the verge of flipping over this table and making a scene just for shits and giggles, or to cope.

The reason you were late was anonymous to him. A slumber took over you, sleeping in later than usual after work, exhausted in that shared apartment. Forgetting to charge your phone, all events that pushed you farther and farther behind. Remnants leaving you pressed to get ready for the event, all whilst having to catch a ride from Kie.

One would probably wonder why JJ simply didn’t wait for you to get ready and just drive you to the surprise himself. He was too adamant, prying on the idea that, even appearance would be a remembrance factor.

Small heels colliding with cement in a clack sound, digits on the iron knob studying the building once more, to assure yourself this location was right.

Pulled straight out of a dream.

And you prodded on the thought of JJ affording this, the effort that went into it. Wondering why he thought he had to spend so much just on you, yet impressed with your boyfriend— if only you knew the sheer devastation upon him.

The red lacey satin of your dress was enough to turn heads and you did just that, strutting whimsically to the front podium to be sat at the table with JJ. Every Kook eye studied you, but you spotted one head of hair in particular. Sat in a dainty wooden chair that caused his back to be turned to you.

Numerous round tables, purely yearning for just that one.

That one with the unearthly being; light locks dancing over his features, and a jawline fierce enough to cut paper.

The one that’s battling with himself as to wether or not to make a big deal out of this, the moment he saw you next.

Little did he know you were feet away, gawking at him and the entirely ethereal gesture he did for you.

Jesus, he looks so fucking hot.

Dapper.

Heat growing on his neck whilst he feels a shadow standing over him, he continues to play with the given metal utensils in front of him.

Perhaps the knife grazing past his fingertips, would pain much less than the ache of disappointment surging in him.

He almost, turns to face the shadow preparing to tell the waiter off. But as his sense receptors fill with that familiar warm vanilla scent ...

He doesn't.

He doesn't because he knows it's you.

And he's gathering himself for the argument that's about to ensue.

Did JJ want to fuss and fight with you?

Absolutely not, he avoids confrontation at any given moment.

However, he is also human and can only take so much.

Your graceful hand stretches over his flexed back, tensing up at a touch that would normally lull him away into no tomorrow. Blue orbs daggering into your figure overtop his eyelashes, clearing his throat at your presence. Your chair scratched along the patterned wooden floor, a notion JJ always does; pulling your chair out.

This time, you do it with no complaints; declaring to avoid the subject at hand. Acknowledging that you were in deep shit with your lover.

That exact lover teaching you so: deny, deny, deny.

And God, that dress is hugging you so tight his hairs stand up on his neck. Alluring and sensual.

If he wasn't so fucking livid, he'd rile himself up enough to temper delicate, mouth-biting, love marks to your neck.

Over

And over

Again.

Until he got his fill.

You're supposed to be mad at her, JJ thought to himself.

"Hi, J!"

His insides rumbled as if he ate sour food.

But, no food would be eaten tonight.

"Hey."

His tone laced with malice and defeat. The worse kind of greeting, not the usual 'baby' or 'pretty girl' attached to it.

Then you knew were in for it.

"Thank you for tonight, s'so pretty baby."

Reading you, he knew you were probably thinking how he managed to get a table here. But something this polite, it was uncalled for to ask such a question.

"Yeah, it was prettier earlier."

He muttered under his breath, with his face contorting into a frown. Across the table yet so far away, the bright light of the eatery highlighting his cheek bones so handsomely. And you longed for him to be, himself.

"What'd you say?"

His words unclear, he was someone that usually has a voice prominent enough to hear from miles away; so it couldn't have been anything loving.

"Nothin'."

Accent think and harsh, eye contact here and there, though it wasn't anything promising.

"Gonna' have to fix your face J, it might ruin the night."

You gasped out a laugh, but to JJ it wasn't fucking funny.

If he wanted to glower, then he'd do so and he meant it.

How dare you joke about something he busted his ass to do, money that could've been enough to pay the apartments rent that month.

He thought you were being ungrateful and that you didn't appreciate him.

First you were behind time, and now you're laughing in his damn face beating around the obvious bush that was weighing him down.

And he can't help himself.

"No ... you ruined the Goddamn night!" He spat, voice broad and demanding, through grit teeth. Knowing that if he spoke any louder the couple would be asked to leave.

He's disgusted with you for being so careless with his feelings.

A night that was supposed to be filled with desperate, needy touches, and bellies full of the finest food; JJ could find it coming to a halt.

You grew ansty in your seat at his remark, lungs missing air and guilt replaced it.

Remorse entering your features.

Falling apart at the cause of his disfunction being you.

"I didn't mean to, JJ."

You reach for his hand across the table, veins apparent and digits long; in effort to console him for your mishap of being extremely late. And he lets you interlock your finger with his upsettingly, though he waited for that same touch all night; unable to deny any touch from you.

To get his point across, he lets go.

"But, you did."

He corrected you with a tilt of his head, replacing your missing fingers with a comb through his hair.

"I-I overslept after work ... and-"

"That's such bullshit. Do you know how many long hours I worked for tonight? Just for you to not be here?"

The palm of his hand slams against the table, drawing the attention of the couple next to the two. You hurriedly shush him, bringing his anger back down to earth.

"M'trying to say sorry JJ."

Both sets of eyes glare at eachother as if in competition, and JJ's stomach whirls.

"I don't want a sorry, I wanted you to be here."

"Well ... well, I'm here now. We can still order, J."

You try again but ultimately fail.

"M'not sitting here with you and pretending like everything's 'dandy', when you fucked everything up."

His words were cold and emotionless. You search for everything to say, but all that JJ said clarified it for you. Your sullen heart thumped, salty tears brimming at corners of your eyes.

Making you feel small.

Fighting to prevent them, so you didn’t fall apart in the middle of this restaurant.

“C’mon, let’s go.”

He wasn’t cruel, not enough away, to leave you here with no way back to the shared home.

No matter how big the fight or the cause of it, it always left JJ wondering if you still besotted him the way he did you.

He wondered why, altogether going with the fact that nothing was ever permanent in his life,

Did you still crave him— on your lips, in your lungs, and beneath your skin?

One way to describe the ride home was— sickeningly tense.

Amid his rage, his hand clutches the wheel so tight that his knuckles turned white. Stealing glances at you, hoping you didn’t hate him. Neither of them able to etch a sentence, whilst the radio played and you sat turned with your knees to the door staring out of the window.

Oddly close enough to your position now.

On the edge of your side of the bed. Admiring JJ peel off his pants and unbutton his shirt, leaving them aimlessly on the carpeted floor— stripped down to his only boxers.

You’d thought you wouldn’t get much comfort tonight, being that he avoided even still after arriving home. Mustering a ‘gonna’ pick up the kitchen’, knowing full well it was only to an excuse to not be up under you while you both were overstimulated and on edge. Leaving you to get the bed ready and practice your night time routine. That’s why you are in the pajama attire of JJ’s t-shirt, his musk still attached to it.

His flesh on fire, conscious that you were boring at him.

‘When you fucked everything up,’ stung your chest and tainted your mind.

Reflecting, he’d wished he would’ve cut you some slack.

His baby, that he hoped for on nights when he had no one.

He baby, that he hoped for on every shooting star.

His baby, that he hoped for in a crowd of people.

His baby.

There was this rule book.

This rule book, was true and real, and contained all the expectations you and JJ had for eachother being together. It was for numerous reasons to begin with, but a year passed by and another and they fully became implicated.

The rule book was a thin black note book, adorned with two red pairs of lips. One was yours, and one was JJ’s— having put red lipstick on his puckered lips, afterwards staining your entire face with them.

Painting your face with his desire for you.

And still that notebook remains framed in the living room, just above the TV.

Rule #1: Never go to sleep mad at eachother.

It was in big, chunky black letters— JJ wrote it and with every letter he wrote he meant it more. One would think cheating would be at the top of the list— but that wasn’t a worry.

It wasn’t a concern because if JJ could inject you into his veins he would do just that.

And so would you.

Opening up his heart to you was not a thing he’d ever regret doing.

Letting himself become infatuated with you, and letting you treat him the way he deserved to be.

You’d silently prayed that JJ would enforce the rule tonight, seeing as even though you did fuck up, you had reason to be irate as well.

His feet pad against the khaki carpet to switch off the bedroom lights. Miscellaneous TV show, playing whilst it illuminated his appearance. He made a b-line for his side of the bed, queen size engulfing him. And you did the same, twisting to lie in bed next to him, but not right beside him.

Lying the exact same— backs flat against the black silk sheets, duvet pulled up past either arms. Pairs of eyes darting at the the other. Except JJ’s left arm is behind his head, the muscle fissuring with ease as it grooved forward from the small glance you got. His right arm is the one closest to you, flat in the open space between the two.

He doesn’t know what to do.

He doesn’t know how to lay.

He is so use to having skin on skin contact, but now he’s lying alone and deprived of your touch.

And you would initiate but you quiver at being denied again.

“Y’know you can’t go to sleep yet.”

His raspiness booms and echoes off the walls, causing you to jump in the slightest. Still continuing to look forward at the cinema before him, you bore into him with furrowed eyebrows— head turning on the firm pillow.

“How come?”

His insides fluttered at your melodic and rhythmically put together voice.

He’s still scolding to the touch, but realizing his tad of unreasonableness consumes him. Turning to his side, he faces you, an everlasting lump in his throat.

“Rule number one-“

“Never go to bed mad at eachother.”

You finish his sentence, and his mouth is partially open. Heartbeat becoming deathly, hands clammy at him bringing the rule book up. He remembered.

He remembered it all.

“So can we stop being mad?”

He pleads, voice cracking in the slightest.

Giving himself to you in every way possible.

Vulnerability only amendable when he’s near you.

Enchanted and explicitly, letting you suck his soul in.

And he didn’t care.

“I was never mad at you J, you were mad at me.”

Solely, truthful acknowledging that you couldn’t be viled at him chewing you out at dinner. Feeling like you deserved every bit of it.

“I s-shouldnt have said that, baby m’sorry.”

His lone hand encapsules your shoulder, the pet name leaving his mouth smoothly, a part of his everyday vocabulary. You crane your neck to place small pecks to each one of his knuckles, showing each one more attention than the last.

“S’okay, I get it J.”

“Just wanted us to have tonight, for us.”

“I ruined it, I know-“

“Nothing’s ruined … we still have us.”

His head lowers, lips puckering in the faintest way. Softly pressing with yours, all whilst enveloping you closer into his frame. An embrace his sore body hungered for. Tongue delving into your mouth, molding together like puzzle pieces. Angrily kissing to make up for the love lost today, he hummed at the comforting sensation.

“And m’not letting go of that, baby.”

[raribella]

To Say “I Love You” Right Out Loud | JJ Maybank

summary: JJ revisits his childhood and how he grew up with you through every side of life until he finally understands why this makes you so special

pairing: JJ Maybank x Routledge!reader

genre: fluff, a spark of angst

contains: a combo of “Both Sides Now” by Joni Mitchell and Love Actually (2003), mentions of death and child abuse. John B and JJ are childhood friends in this. I don’t know how to write dialogue. Drug usage (beer, weed).

word count: 6k

author’s note: I was immediately triggered by Joni’s astonishing performance at the Grammy’s and by remembering that the song is in one of my favorite movies. This is my favorite fanfiction I’ve probably ever written and I put so much time and love into this I really hope you like it.

This is a work of fiction. I do not own the characters of Outer Banks nor any characteristic of the show. I am writing this story solely for my own entertainment and the marvel or comfort of any readers.

Rows and flows of angel hair, and ice cream castles in the air; and feather canyons everywhere. I looked at clouds that way. But now they only block the sun, they rain and they snow on everyone; so many things I would have done, but clouds got in my way.

College had finally ended. They had finally done it. Against all odds and contrary to the expectations of others, the pogues were finally free to embark on their own paths. And so, they gathered for one last celebration, a bonfire near the Cat's Ass, surrounded by shotguns, snacks, and reminiscing in the familiar feeling of just being together.

Spreading themselves along the space at the Chateau's yard, most of them ended up divided the comfortable water at the tub and the warmth of the fire, their laughter mingling with the sound of running water as they shared stories of what each of them could remember of their time roaming the Outer Banks as this fearless gang; the sentiment of each flashback was being intensified from the time they spent apart. As they were the pogues, it was not like their time together was abruptly interrupted, but the responsibilities and the minor distance happened during college, and they couldn't run away from it's effects; but the memories of those days seemed tattooed into their hearts and minds as they could recall every moment in lighthearted detail.

In a corner of the Cat's Ass, JJ found himself lost in a sea of memories, surrounded by the comforting embrace of his friends. You sat beside him in the water, the coolness soothing against your skin, while Cleo and Pope nestled comfortably at his other side. Outside, John B, Sarah, and Kie laughed and joked, their voices carrying on the night breeze. As he watched them, a faint, nostalgic smile tugged at the corners of JJ's lips, his heart heavy with the weight of their shared history, thinking back on how far they had come. They had started as a trio—himself and the Routledge twins, bound together by fate and circumstance.

The tree of you lay sprawled out on the sand for what seemed like hours, your eyes tracing the ever-changing shapes that danced across the sky. Castles, pirates, turtles—your imaginations ran wild, weaving tales of adventure and intrigue as you watched the clouds drift lazily overhead. At nine years old, you had joined your brother and JJ just a few moments ago, after spending the afternoon at a friend's house watching a Christmas movie, "Love Actually," with her mother.

As you settled into the sand, JJ couldn't resist a playful jab at the movie, dismissing it as a "dumb chick flick." his mind still floated between that child-like distaste of girls and the appreciation of you tagging along with him and John B back then. You swatted at him, your tiny arms barely reaching his chest, but it only elicited a smirk from the blond pogue. It was nice for you to actually share a moment with a nurturing figure at the absence of your own mom, who had just recently left for Colorado. Besides, you had eaten a whole bag of M&M's that she bought for you to share and you really liked the movie, even if it was funny how sometimes Mia's mom would tell you to close your eyes, your ears, or how sometimes you didnt really catch why she was laughing at some weird scene. You just rolled your eyes and brushed JJ's comment off, suggesting the sky gazing then relishing in the opportunity to spend time with him and your brother.

Your days were often filled with moments like this, carefree and full of laughter, the sound echoing against the backdrop of crashing waves. JJ's mother would eventually come to fetch the three of you, ushering you inside for sweet treats and cozy nights spent squeezed together in JJ's tiny room. Or you'd spend hours playing in the grass, watching as the river met the sea, until Big John's bell rang out, signaling the end of another day. You would get home covered in dirt, JJs hair color nearing yours and your brothers, so you would have a nice shower and come out to your dad telling treasure tales and making you hot chocolate.

One day, as Big John finished building a set of three swings for you, JJ's parents arrived. Standing side by side, the couple had brought beer and peanuts to complement what your dad already had inside for the night. That day, you were playing for hours, your small frame struggling to mount the swing until the duo stepped in to help. John B had made a mess while trying to help you hop on, and  JJ stepped forward to push you, but in excited haste, he pushed too hard, and you tumbled to the ground, scraping your knee. As your first cry pierced the air, the adults rushed to your side, JJ's mother soothing your pain with stinging medicine and comforting words.

In the corner of your eye, you caught sight of JJ, guilt etched on his face as he watched you wince in pain. But your brother nudged him, urging him to shake off his guilt and claiming that this was just a mere blip in the larger scale of the adventure you lived today.

And as the sun began to dip below the horizon, casting a warm golden glow over the beach, Luke took charge, setting a bonfire ablaze near the ancient tree in the backyard. The flames flickered casting shadows that stretched out against the sand. You gathered around the fire, marshmallows in hand to be skewered and toasted, laughter filled the air and echoed into the night. The hours slipped away unnoticed, so as the night wore on and the fire burned low, reluctantly, you bid farewell to your blonde friend as he left with his parents.

The life you lived was simple; living in the less fortunate side of the island, you couldnt really enjoy much more than moments like these; the food wasn't fancy, the drinks weren't expensive, your houses weren't pretty and big, so you relied mostly in home made playthings and your own imagination, but you were happy that way; the youthful innocence made all the diferences between you and the kooks be seen with rose coloured glasses, and while in the company of your brother, your best friend, and the team of parents that you saw as guardian angels, it all just seemed warm. It seemed like it would be fine.

One day, though, just as the sky turns cloudy at the end of summer, signaling the onset of storm season, JJ's demeanor shifted, casting a shadow over his usual brightness. At fourteen now, he had been seeming distant and preoccupied at school for weeks, until one day after class, he reached out to you with a heavy heart. Fidgeting nervously, his hands clammy and cold, he confided in you about his mother's illness, the weight of the words hanging heavy in the air. Knowing how much his mother meant to you both, he sought solace in sharing his burden with you, trusting you with his vulnerability. "Mumma's sick, I think... been in the hospital for a while now," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I can't visit because I'm not sixteen yet... I- I wanted you to know, but you can't tell John B." And as you hugged him, you promised to keep his secret, the first one you kept just between the two of you.

And as JJ clung to you and John B in the solemn silence of the cemetery, the stark reality of their loss weighed heavily upon you, casting a shadow over your once bright and colorful world.. JJ's mother's absence lingered like a specter in their home, his father grappled with the weight of his grief, seeking solace in alcohol and spiraling into a downward spiral of despair. The once vibrant hues of their family life began to fade, replaced by the darkness of addiction and aggression. JJ watched helplessly as his father's temper flared more frequently, his outbursts leaving scars both physical and emotional. The sanctuary of their home became a battleground, each day a struggle to navigate the minefield of his father's unpredictable moods.

In the aftermath of his mother's passing and the turmoil within his home, JJ withdrew into himself, building walls around his heart that even his closest friends struggled to breach. He became increasingly unreachable, his once vibrant presence dimmed by the weight of his grief and the scars of his father's aggression. Some days, he would disappear altogether, only to reappear with a purple eye hidden beneath dark glasses, a silent testament to the struggles he faced behind closed doors. And when he did show up, his demeanor was somber, his face etched with a perpetual frown as he rejected activities he once enjoyed. Even cloudgazing at the beach became a source of frustration for JJ, as he lamented the impending rain or the end of summer, his words tinged with bitterness and resignation. As you and your brother looked on, helpless in the face of his pain, you could only watch as JJ retreated further into himself, the vibrant colors of his spirit muted by the shadows that engulfed him.

The tension crackled in the air as you confronted JJ, frustration bubbling to the surface like a storm about to break. "Why won't you just watch 'Love Actually' with me, like, once? It'd help distracting you, y'know!?" you demanded, your voice tinged with exasperation. "You can't keep avoiding fun, JJ. You can't lose hope and light just because things are tough."

But JJ's response was sharp, his tone laced with bitterness. "Those things are for kooks, y/n" he retorted, his words heavy with the weight of his pain. "Pogues can't afford to indulge in luxuries like love and hope. We have to focus on surviving you know."

Your heart sank at his words, feeling the distance between you grow with each passing moment. "If you really look for it, JJ," you countered softly, your voice barely above a whisper, "I've got a sneaky feeling that love is all around. Even for us Pogues." But JJ's expression remained hardened, his walls firmly in place as he turned away, the gap between you widening with each step he took.

John B stepped in a while later, his voice calm but firm as he defended his friend. "He's been through a lot," John B interjected, his eyes meeting yours with a mixture of empathy and understanding. "Give him time, he'll come around. I know he will."

But despite John B's reassurances, the weight of your worry and frustration bore down on you like a heavy burden. Unable to contain your emotions any longer, you sought solace in the arms of your father, tears streaming down your cheeks as you poured out your heart. "I didn't mean to be petty," you sobbed, your voice choked with emotion. "But I'm just so worried about how Luke has been treating JJ. I miss him, Dad. I miss the way things used to be." And as your father held you close, comforting whispers soothing your troubled mind, you cried yourself to sleep, longing for the comfort of simpler times and the warmth of JJ's presence by your side.

A few days after the heated exchange, JJ found himself drawn to the familiar solace of the beach. As he laid alone on the sand, the rhythmic sound of the waves echoing in the background, he cast his gaze upward, chuckling at the shifting shapes and colors of the clouds above. Yet, amidst the tranquility of the moment, a pang of longing stirred within him.

Reflecting on recent events, JJ realized that he had begun to see clouds from two distinct perspectives—from the highs and lows of life's tumultuous journey. But amidst the solitude, his mind drifted to an understanding; to how he seemed to have looked at clouds like this from two different perspectives now, from up and down, and still he would recall better colorful and elusive memory of your company. He remembered the joy of pointing out funny shapes at the sky with you and your brother, laughter echoing into the vast expanse. It was a memory painted in hues of warmth that contrasted with the darker shades of recent events. In that fleeting moment of recollection, JJ yearned to return to that moment exactly, to say sorry, at least. And alone at that same beach, he felt like he had a perspective of a future for the first time in a long time. He wanted to see if he truly knew clouds at all, or if there was a new side to it.

JJ was abruptly brought back to reality by Pope's punchline of a memory of his own; he was retelling the story of how he met Cleo at college, and how she wouldn't have passed half her subjects f it wasn't for him. As the group erupted into laughter, he did the same to mask the fact that he had zoned out for a minute, but JJ's gaze instinctively sought yours, his heart yearning for the comfort of your smile. And as his eyes met yours, a warmth spread through him, his thoughts drifting to another memory

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels; the dizzy dancing way that you feel as every fairy tale comes real. I've looked at love that way. But now it's just another show, and you leave 'em laughing when you go. And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

At sixteen years old, you had a full understanding of the dizzying, electric sensation that washed over you whenever JJ emerged from the sea, his board in hand. It was a feeling that stirred deep within you, igniting a spark that refused to be extinguished. Yet, despite the intensity of your emotions, uncertainty plagued your heart. You couldn't decipher JJ's true feelings for you; for every significant gesture or word he offered, there was an equal measure of aloofness or distance.

There were moments when JJ's actions spoke volumes, leaving you breathless with hope and anticipation. But just as quickly, he would retreat into himself, leaving you to question whether his affections were genuine or merely fleeting. And then there were the times when he would disappear into the crowd at a kegger, his attention captured by another girl, leaving you to grapple with the ache of unrequited longing.

Fearing the consequences, you kept your emotions hidden from your brother, John B, despite his keen intuition and suspicions about your lingering glances. Instead, you found solace in the companionship of Pope and Kiara, the only other pogue girl. Your friendship with Kiara blossomed rapidly, providing a safe haven where you could confide in her about everything, including the complexities of your feelings for JJ, seeking her guidance and understanding.

In December of that same year, a vivid memory remains etched in your mind—the day JJ was meant to pick you up from work and take you to the Chateau to meet up with the rest of the crew. Kiara had proposed the idea of a secret Santa, with the stipulation that the gifts could only be candy or chocolate—She herself aiming to guarantee that she'd get a bag or two of Sour Patch Kids. As you exited the souvenir shop, clutching your own "Paradise On Earth" cap, you spotted JJ waiting for you by the Twinkie—the van John B claimed would be safer than the bike. With both hands hidden behind his back, you shot him a questioning look. "Hello?" you greeted tilting your head slightly to the side, to which he responded with a playful smile, feigning surprise at seeing you. "Oh, hello ma'am, your carriage is right here!" he exclaimed, extending his arms towards the open door of the van, one hand tightly clutching something that piqued your curiosity. Hopping onto the Twinkie, you couldn't help but wonder about the mysterious object as JJ closed the door and took his place behind the wheel.

During the ride, JJ attempted to coax the name of your secret Santa out of you, but you remained tight-lipped. Upon parking the van at the Chateau, he sat in silence for a few moments, and you studied him intently. "Oh, before I forget," he said non-chalantly, reaching into his pocket and offering you the object he had been concealing—a ceramic lobster adorned with a tiny Christmas hat, clearly crafted by him. "This is for the nativity scene you keep in your room, I just didn't have time to make the other one..." he explained, a hint of nervousness in his voice as he confessed that he hadn't received your name for the candy exchange but couldn't bear to leave you without a gift.

You stood in awe for a moment, marveling at the thoughtful gesture and the evident reference it held. JJ's apprehension melted away as your eyes met his, a radiant smile spreading across his face. "Wait, wait, wait... Are you trying to tell me that there was more than one lobster at the birth of Jesus?" you quoted, teasingly. JJ rolled his eyes playfully, completing the reference with a loud "duh!" his laughter mingling with yours as you stepped out of the car into the moonlit night, making a lighthearted entrance at the Chateau and eliciting a knowing look from Kiara towards John B.

As time passed, you welcomed Sarah into the fold, introduced by John B with starry-eyed affection that spoke volumes of their budding romance. With the dynamic between her and Kiara settled, John B wasted no time in proudly declaring their relationship to the group—a declaration met with hugs, smiles, and lighthearted jokes about not hurting each other.

One day, Sarah suggested a surf trip to a lesser-known beach nestled between Figure 8 and the Cut, its pristine beauty a sight to behold with crystalline waters and powdery white sand. As you surfed the afternoon away, basking in the warmth of the sun, you found yourself sprawled on the sand along with the rest of the group, supporting yourself on your elbows and catching your breath as you watched JJ roll a joint with practiced ease. "I like this shit," JJ declared, his voice tinged with a hint of defiance. "We can be neglected misfits or whatever, but I love leading this life with you guys. I don't even care about what people think of me! "long as I have a board and you guys, 'm gonna be saying I'm rich... Especially if I have this!" He gestured towards the joint, his words met with cheers from the group.

Your smile started weak but grew as the group cheered. In that moment, you felt a sense of family, and your appreciation for JJ weighed heavily on your chest. Despite the challenges, he had found a way to see life in a positive light, even after Big John went missing. As the wind blew sea salt into your eyes, you turned your face toward JJ. "Yeah, yeah… you know, I keep saying it… but if you really look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that—"

"Y/n, if I hear that quote just one more time!" Sarah interrupted, and the others joined in with her lighthearted protest.

With time, JJ's behavior became increasingly perplexing since after sharing moments like this, he would leave you alone, retreating into the company of the other Pogues with a suddenness that felt jarring and awkward. His focus would shift, his attention consumed by their own banter, leaving you to wonder where you fit into the equation.

It was during these moments of isolation that doubts crept in, whispering of insecurities and unspoken fears that lingered just beneath the surface. Wondering if you did something wrong, you couldn't help but feel a pang of longing as you watched JJ immerse himself in the dynamics of the group, his laughter mingling with theirs as you stood on the sidelines, a silent observer to a world that felt increasingly distant and unfamiliar.

One morning, as you shuffled through the Chateau's corridors, the aroma of breakfast lingering in the air as John B shuffled through the kitchen, you noticed JJ's door ajar. You peeked inside with the intention of wishing him a good morning, only to be met with a sight that shattered your makeshift reality of him. JJ hovered over another girl in his bed, their closeness echoing a betrayal that left you speechless.

"Hey, whoa! Sorry!" His voice softened as he realized it was you, not your brother, at the door. The shock on your face was palpable as you hastily pushed the door closed, shaking your head to dispel the image burned into your mind. Stumbling down the corridor, you muttered a distant "morning" to Kie and Pope, who were still groggy on the couch, woken by the commotion.

Throughout the day, both JJ and yourself moved in a state of flustered avoidance, exchanging glances laden with sheepish guilt. JJ's eyes mirrored the remorse of a caught wrongdoer, but you couldn't summon anger; instead, you carried the weight of hurt and confusion, grappling with the realization that he wasn't yours to claim.

As the day waned and the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the Chateau, you found solace on the hammock. With the remnants of the day lingering, you confided in Sarah about the events, the words tumbling out as the weight on your chest grew heavier. The hammock cradled you in its gentle sway as another day ended, leaving you to confront the tangled emotions that now clouded the once-clear skies of your friendship with JJ.

JJ vividly remembered June of the following year, with your birthday fast approaching. Usually, you wouldn't stop talking about how much you loved having your birthday during the summer, and everyone would plan something special to mark the occasion. Kie and Sarah would always get you fancier gifts, like a new top or necklace, while the boys made sure there was a cake to share, probably under the tree lights at another night spent at the Cat's Ass, chuckling at the stupid name JJ had given to the tub.

But this year was different. You and the girls wouldn't stop talking about this idiotic touron, Jeremy, who had apparently flirted with you when you helped him at the store. Now, your attention seemed solely focused on him, much to JJ's annoyance. He rolled his eyes and huffed aloud whenever Jeremy's name was mentioned, with Pope nudging him to keep his cool.

"He's gonna take me to a summer fair," you grimaced, looking into the mirror as Kiara clasped a necklace around your neck. Sarah and JJ hovered on the kitchen counter, Pope sat on the couch, and your brother leaned against the doorframe of your room with a protective frown on his face. John B always believed you and JJ would end up together, and he felt safe with that perspective because he knew and trusted JJ. But that didn't happen with Jeremy.

Across from him, you, Sarah, and Kie giggled with scenarios and provocations, "What if he brings you a giant teddy bear and tries to win you a goldfish?" Kiara teased, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

Sarah snickered. "I can already picture it!"

Meanwhile, JJ fought to keep a frown from appearing on his own face. He was unwilling to let you know how he really felt about the situation, and he avoided giving his jealousy away to his friends. As you exited laughing with the guy in his car—a godforsaken Jeep, for crying out loud—JJ was still unknowingly clenching his jaw, his mouth twisted in a disgusted frown.

Sarah, the only one still outside by now, smiled to herself and snuck up on him before reaching a hand to pat his back. The gesture was meant to silently convey far more than his poisoned mind could grasp at the moment.

He chuckled at that memory; you had to endure a girlfriend of his own during college, and he watched as two or three other guys broke your heart as well—he wanted to go out there and punch them every time, but preferred that only John B externalized that thought. From those memories, he realized he had looked at love from both sides of it with you, from give and take, but years later he wasn't so sure if you'd be keen on the idea of him ever again. JJ turned to you in the tub, whispering, "Where's that lobster I gave you that Christmas?" You were a bit taken aback by his sudden recall but smiled back, mimicking the tone of his voice, "Been keeping it on my bookshelf all year long now."

John B and Sarah were now playfully arguing about the two perspectives from when she joined the group, with Kie tagging along to remind them of how they had to make amends beforehand. It made JJ come back fully into the scene. As he looked around, he realized they were sitting in couples, at least Pope and John B, and he held back a nostalgic smirk at the thought of how his younger self would react to both his old friends now "pussy whipped," stuck in relationships and breaking the "no pogue on pogue macking" rule—he didn't know love at all.

He was different too, at least Kiara said so, coming at him a few days ago before graduation with a whole "you've changed, became more yourself and know how to separate what you went through from what you are, I'm so proud you're opening the surf shop—but please make it eco-friendly" speech. It was nice to look back and realize how his years and moments with the Pogue family kept balancing out all the rest. Now he would open a sick surf shop, Poguelandia flag above it and all, right in the corner from the souvenir one you worked since you were fifteen—he didn't know if you had bigger plans than that after graduating though, but that was an uneasy thought he preferred to ignore.

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say, "I love you" right out loud! Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way. Oh, but now old friends they're acting strange, and they shake their heads and they tell me that I've changed. Well something's lost, but something's gained, in living every day.

Kiara was the first one to leave, claiming that this was really good and that she knew that with the pogues there were never really goodbyes, but that she had an early morning tomorrow with a sea-turtle project. Then, as the fire died out and the minutes turned into hours, the two couples left as well. Pope and Cleo claimed that they still had to shower before going to bed, and John B only snuggled with Sarah, pushing her towards the house. As the couple giggled, JJ noticed from his peripheral vision when you jiggled your eyebrows at Sarah, but the blonde only winked at you, pointing at the both of you at the tub before turning back. You sighed, distancing yourself from him now that you had more space in the water, and JJ held back a smile as the tree lights illuminated your pink cheeks. At twenty-two, he felt just like a teenager in that moment.

There were a few quiet minutes then, you were looking intently at him, drawing each of his features with your eyes as if trying to tattoo the image of his wet torso on your brain, but JJ didn't notice; he was lost in thought, provoked by being alone with you again. JJ realized that ever since he could remember, even though your brother was his de facto best friend and even as the group grew larger, you were there. For every phase and every belief that each one etched into him, you were there. As he looked at both sides of life, at win and lose, you were right beside him, either winning and losing as well or just supporting him emphatically through it.

Somehow he could always just recall how his pogue life acquired a rose-colored filter with you in it; he'd recall life's illusions with you at his side. You were there. You were it. And he didn't know his next step at all, but he wanted you in it; ached for it even.

He feigned cold as an excuse to get you both out of the tub, grabbing the one towel thrown onto a chair and wrapping it around you as you exited as well. He threw a familiar, amicable smile in your direction to disguise how he was, again, lost in his own train of thought. A hand rested on the small of your back as he led the two of you to the Chateau. As you got to the front porch, the other reached for your pulse gently, trying to stop you from entering. JJ became conscious of how he was dripping onto the wooden porch, but he didn't care, calling you by your nickname in a low voice. He was acting fast, planning something but also acting instinctively, intending to speak just from memory.

"Hey, uhm..." he stopped himself again as your eyes locked onto his, growing a little bit nervous now. Your eyebrows shot up expectantly, and some of your hair was sticking to your wet face. You'd be the death of him.

"With any luck, by next year, I'll be going out with one of these girls..." Your brows pinched, and eyes flashed with recognition as JJ shuffled his phone, some drops falling from his hair onto the screen before he turned it in your direction with a picture of Kendall Jenner and sliding his finger so it would also show one of Giselle Bündchen. You laughed, gulping expectantly.

"But for now, let me say, without hope or agenda, just because we finished college— even though it's at Christmas that you tell the truth." You chuckled again, but felt like you were hyperventilating, unable to believe that this was really happening to you. Much less that JJ Maybank had memorized a scene from the "dumb chick flick" you obsessed with since you were a mere child. You battled with your own feelings as you tried to let him finish.

"To me, you are perfect, and my wasted heart will love you until you look like this..." He shuffled again with the tiny screen, a smirk on his face as he turned it to you. A photo of a very old and wrinkly woman made you chuckle. Under it, it read "former surfer lady turns viral as she advises to the risks of not wearing sunscreen." You couldn't hold the cackle that left you at that, not even worried about the rest of the group sleeping inside the house, which made JJ smile widely as well.

"Oh my God! Oh my God, I love you..." A loud sigh met a sob halfway as you looked up, feeling pounds lighter after saying so naturally something you had been burying for years, feeling absurdly proud of just that. "I love you so much, what the fuck! I've loved you forever." You beamed at him again, relief written all over his face as he said it back proudly. "I'm sorry for the wait; it wasn't on purpose—Swear it." He grabbed both your cheeks as you laughed, smiling from ear to ear as his face etched closer to yours by the second. Your noses were touching already when he whispered in a low tone, "fuck, y/n..." as your mouths glued together longingly.

The world seemed to fade away as your lips met, a rush of warmth spreading through you as if the sun had risen inside your chest. JJ's touch was electric, sending shivers down your spine as his hands cradled your face gently, his fingers tracing the curve of your jawline. Every moment felt like an eternity as you lost yourselves in the kiss, the taste of saltwater, beer and weed mingling with the sweetness of the moment.

For JJ, it was as if everything he had been holding back, every unspoken word and hidden feeling, was finally pouring out into this one embrace. His heart raced in his chest as he kissed you, his mind buzzing with the realization that he had found something truly precious in you. It was a moment of pure, unadulterated bliss, a culmination of years of friendship and longing finally coming to fruition.

As you pulled away, breathless and flushed, JJ's eyes bore into yours, filled with an intensity that took your breath away. In that moment, you knew that nothing would ever be the same again. You had crossed a threshold together, stepping into a new chapter of your lives filled with love, laughter, and the promise of a future together. And as you stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, you knew that this was just what you wanted; like you were made for just that.

"I don't even want to come inside, I don't wanna-" you said, sighing mid chuckle, "don't wanna do anything right now, God, JJ, I'm like in a haze!" He clung to you, chuckling, his hands going to your arms, your neck, your hair—he wanted to touch all of you. "Always have the hammock..." he suggested, and you rushed your way there as if just walking would make you lose any time with him.

After you spent a while staring at the stars in the sky, listening to the chirping of crickets in between small, sloppy kisses, JJ sleepily muttered "I feel like I'm fucking high right now," you both laughed "like I'm floating—life accomplishment kind of thing." you swatted at his chest, lightheartedly telling him to stop being silly before readjusting in the wet towel that served as a blanket for the two of you.

Wrapped in each other's arms, you drifted off to sleep, the sound of the river running to meet the ocean lulling you into a state of contentment. In that moment, nothing else mattered except the warmth of JJ's embrace and the soft rhythm of his breathing. It was a moment of pure bliss, a fleeting glimpse of perfection in an imperfect world.

The warm rays of the morning sun gently kissed the faces of the sleeping pogues as they stirred awake, the sounds of birdsong filling the air. Stretching and yawning, they emerged from their makeshift beds scattered across the Chateau, the pull-out couch and matresses on the floor.

As they gathered outside to clean the space free of empty cans and wrapping paper, rubbing the sleep from their eyes, John B's gaze was the first one to fall upon the sight of JJ and you nestled together in the hammock, still fast asleep. He nudged Sarah first, but soon a collective smile spread across their faces as they exchanged knowing glances, a silent understanding passing between them.

"About time," Pope muttered under his breath, eliciting chuckles from the others.

John B grinned, looking at Sarah. "Looks like our boy finally made his move."

Sarah rolled her eyes playfully. "Took them long enough," she teased, but there was genuine warmth in her voice.

Kiara smirked, crossing her arms, she showed a satisfied facade even though she was jumping inside, bubbling with happiness for the both of you; the sparkle of her eyes being hard to hide. "Well, better late than never, I guess."

With a chorus of laughter and gentle ribbing, the pogues left JJ and you to enjoy your moment together, the feeling was that their little family had just grown a little bit stronger. You had woken up the moment the front door banged back against it's frame as it closed the first time, but feeling JJ's chest under your head, you decided to just keep your eyes closed, fighting a grin to show on your face at your friends' commentaries. You were home. And you only wanted to know life now if it was by JJ's side; especially if he'd be scratching your hair like he was doing just now, half a smile on his lips—"Did I take that long?" he questioned, jokingly.

"A lifetime."

If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love, actually, is all around.

[geminijade]

Brothers from Another Mother and Sisters from Different Mister 💕💞

[obxsummer]

Reunion // Ghost of You

summary below cut to avoid spoilers for s3 ep1-3

let's jump right on in.

part of #obx3celebration

navigation -- series masterlist

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summary: after being rescued from your island paradise, you're unexpectedly ripped from the pogues and pushed straight into another fight for your life.

warnings: kidnapping, violence, cursing, minor character death

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The noise of an airplane propeller shook you from your sleep. Ever since you touched this island, you were sensitive to every little sound or movement. Sitting up sharply, you looked to see Pope doing the same. The two of you were quick to catch sight of the plane dancing in the clouds and started shaking friends awake.

“Guys, plane. Plane!” Shaking JJ’s shoulder aggressively, you collected your ratty shoes from the sand and ran towards the shoreline. 

Taking a look back, you could see the uncertain expression on JJ’s face. In the time you all had spent on the island, he had made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want to leave. This was JJ’s element, his safe space. He was with you, his family, and they were making things work with scraps. This was the Full Pogue experience he had always dreamed of.

“Hey! We’re down here!” John B was suddenly next to you and waving his arms aggressively to draw any ounce of attention to your group. Pope and Cleo took off up the field to light a fire in hopes that the pilot would see.

A defeated sigh left your lips as the plane looked like it would continue on before making a last-minute change and turning.

“Guys, guys. He sees us!” Kie shook your arm in excitement.

“He’s gonna go to the pond. Come on, come on!” Your brother slung his shoestrings over his shoulders and grabbed Sarah’s hand to tug her along up the hill.

JJ caught up to your side as you guys jogged behind your friends. You could tell he was displeased. You tried to understand why he would feel this way, but part of you just wanted to go home. Watching the aircraft make a successful landing, your boyfriend let out a sigh. 

“Come on.” His fingers were rough as they intertwined with your own. You squeezed, trying to give him some sort of comfort about the idea as you caught up with everyone.

The stairs of the cockpit lowered just above the water as a middle-aged man climbed out. He was quick to join in on the noises of celebration coming from Cleo, Pope, and John B. “Well, what do we got here?”

John B glanced back at your group before responding. “You know, just some castaways.”

“Well, I’ll cross that off my grocery list. Uh, hang on! I got just the thing for y’all.” He disappeared back into the plane for a moment. “Two things you need on a deserted island: first aid and rum!”

The bottle splashed in front of Sarah’s feet. She seemed distraught at the sight in front of her, no doubt fearing that her father may be involved in some way. You didn’t blame her. The constant feeling that you need to look over your shoulder was exhausting, but you were hoping it would change.

“So, what’s the story? You guys sank a boat?”

“Jumped off one,” You replied, watching as Sarah bent down to grab the alcohol out of the water. For some reason, you weren’t as hesitant to get out of here as you probably should’ve been. After a month or so of living like this, you would take the Chateau back in a heartbeat. 

The pilot chuckled. “Well, have no fear. Jimmy’s here. I got you.”

Cleo cheered and threw her hands in the air. “Well, all hail Jimmy, guys! Let’s go.”

The pilot, Jimmy, welcomed you all as John B led the way into the plane. Kie gave you and JJ a look before following wordlessly. It seemed a little too good, but who were you to say anything?

You turned to JJ, taking the chance to check-in. “You okay?” Your hand rested on his collarbone, thumb tracing his jawline as you observed him. His whole body was tense; the fun demeanor you’d witnessed after cliff jumping yesterday disappeared without a trace. JJ’s expression was sharp when he made eye contact with you. Thrown off guard, you frowned and dropped your hands to your side. 

“We said we’d never go back, remember? You said you wouldn’t. And here you are, running after a plane that would take us right back into hell?” He shrugged his shoulders before looking away. You were a bit surprised by his hostility, feeling like he was blaming you for everyone else climbing onboard. 

“Who said we’re going back to the OBX?” You countered as you gestured towards the plane. “There’s no way that thing would fly that far anyway. We’re all gonna be together no matter what.”

JJ let out a heavy breath and refused to look at you. “You don’t get it.” He hauled his boots up before brushing past you to head after your friends into the aircraft. You turned on your heels, the fight leaving your body at the idea of him being so upset over leaving this place. There was no point in arguing right now. 

With a huff, you climbed on board, thanking Jimmy for letting you all come before settling down between Sarah and Kie. The idea of being able to take a shower and put fresh clothes on was amazing right now, so you tried not to hold onto JJ’s poor attitude personally. 

“So, what are you doing all the way out here?” JJ asked as the engine started up. 

“I got a little guide outfit in Saint Vincent. I was spotting fish. You know, the usual. Wahoo,” Jimmy replied as he began flipping switches and steering. “I’d hang on to something. Gets a little spicy on takeoff.”

You shared a look with Pope, the two of you not big airplane people to begin with. Grabbing onto nearby straps, you clenched the fabric tightly. The plane jerked once before things steadied out and you could eventually see the water and island far beneath you from the sky. 

Taking a deep breath, you leaned your head against the metal behind you in hopes that it would calm your racing heart. You were grateful for the opportunity to hopefully go somewhere a little better, but the lack of safety equipment in this plane made you nauseous. 

“Wahoo don’t run in September. Ever, alright?” JJ’s voice broke you out of your self-induced trance. You opened your eyes to see him leaning toward your group as far away from Jimmy as he could get. “So, whoever this man is, he’s not a fisherman.”

“No, I know what this is,” Sarah said as if the answer was obvious, “He’s working for my dad, and he’s probably been looking for us this entire time.”

Pope considered the idea. “Alright, we gotta find out. Start looking for some sort of… clues.”

JJ and John B were quick to create a plan to distract Jimmy. While your brother busied himself with asking pointless questions, JJ dug straight into the satchel hanging on the seat. A few books tumbled into his hands. A photo slid out of the first one, Sarah being quick to grab it. You peeked over her shoulder to see a crisp clear photo of the Coastal Venture.

“This is the boat we were on, with Eberhimi and the cross,” She whispered.

“So he was looking for us?” Cleo asked as she got a look at the picture for herself. A nervous feeling built in your stomach at the thought of this man searching for you on purpose, maybe even for Ward’s bidding. 

A sharp movement of the airplane had you all bracing for some stability as Jimmy called out about turbulence. Kiara looked over your shoulder out the window. You followed her gaze to the window where land was creeping into the blue of the ocean. “Whatever it is, it’s happening fast. Look.” 

“That looks like Barbados. I’ve been there with Terrance,” Cleo piped up as the rest of your group observed what would most likely be the landing place. 

“Okay. There’s six of us, one of him. You know my vote, we storm the cockpit.”

You gave JJ an incredulous look at his suggestion. “No, who’s gonna fly the plane, dumbass?”

“I’ve seen Pope fly simulators.”

“I crop dusted for my uncle last summer, that is not the same thing!”

The group continued to bicker back and forth before ultimately deciding the best option would be to land safely and book it as soon as you got the opportunity. John B was quick to start a conversation with Jimmy again so JJ could sneak the books back into the satchel. It seemed like all was well until the pilot happened to glance over his right shoulder, exactly where JJ was scrambling in his stuff.

The plane jerked aggressively as the boys broke into a fight. Screaming echoed around you with shouts to fly the plane overwhelming as you grabbed on for some sort of hold. The water was approaching rapidly when Jimmy finally turned back around in an attempt to save everyone. Admitting defeat, you closed your eyes tightly and braced against the wall when the first hit came. 

The plane bounced across the ocean, sending the six of you into a mess of tangled limbs against the floor. Someone’s elbow jammed into the weak spot of your back as you cried out. The water started flooding the ground as you all scrambled for an escape. 

“Everybody good?”

The cool liquid sent a chill up your spine once you finally found some footing. John B shoved the door open and crawled out first. You could barely see the people crowding the beach at the sight of the accident.

“They do not look friendly.”

You looked closer, noticing the weapons and vests they were wearing to separate them from casual observers. Slipping on the wet metal, you shifted through the water as everyone began scrambling from the singing airplane. 

“Y/N, let’s go!”

You spared a glance back at where Jimmy was passed out in his seat. A tug pulled in your chest, the idea of leaving someone to drown not sitting well with you. Cursing to yourself, you pushed through the water to grab onto the pilot and tug him out.

“No, no, no. Y/N, let’s go!”

“Hurry!”

You ignored the shouts of concern and worked on tugging Jimmy into the open water. Your feet kicked as hard as possible to keep you both afloat as he slowly started coming to. You waited until the sand was under your feet and bystanders came to help to let go. 

Coughing up water, you turned to glare at the man you’d rescued. “You lied to us.” Adrenaline was pumping through your system, the fear of what had happened taking over. 

The sound of ATVs flooded your senses as you turned to look over your shoulder. The beach was crowded with a series of men, all in tan tactical gear, and all of them heading towards you. 

“You should get out of here.”

Ignoring Jimmy’s useless advice, you took off up the shore in hopes that you could lose them in the mass of people. A rotting boat was taking up part of the shore but you quickly navigated through an opening to hide in the darkness of it. 

You held your breath at the sound of footsteps, a pair of boots coming into view. As soon as the person’s eyes came a little too close, you lashed out and kicked him away from your hideout.

“She’s over here!”

“Shit!” Crawling as fast as possible, you moved through the sand in hopes to avoid the oncoming hands but fell short when a foot tripped your own. Sand clouded your vision as two sets of hands latched on to you and pulled you back up. “Let me go!” You yanked and struggled against them in a desperate attempt to free yourself.

 Eventually, the back and forth became too much for the two men who resorted to picking you up out of the sand to move you into a waiting pickup truck. One of your attackers was quick to slide a thick black zip tie around your wrists, effectively ending any sort of backlash as they pushed you into the tailgate corner. 

“We lost the others. We’ll keep searching.”

The words coming from the man’s radio brought you a slight bit of comfort knowing that the rest of the Pogues got away. You sagged against the side of the truck in exhaustion as the adrenaline began to seep away. 

Jimmy suddenly popped into view, your anger quickly resurfacing at the sight of him. “I save your life,” You sneered.

“I know. I know. I’m sorry. I’m gonna try to help you, okay?” He sighed, “I swear. I didn’t know it was gonna be like this. Look, if you don’t fight, if you just do what they say, these guys prob… probably won’t hurt you.”

You shook your head and glared. “Because that’s so reassuring. What did Ward promise you?”

“Who?” He didn’t wait for you to answer the question and continued, “Hey, just take my advice and do what they say. Good luck.”

The truck engine started a second later, one of the guards climbing in the back with you before the vehicle took off. You groaned, tears fighting your eyes at the idea of being taken from your brother and your boyfriend once again. You were sick of this violence around every corner, sick of always being taken from your loved ones.

The sun was warm on your bare skin but did nothing to ease the anxiety building in your chest. You were not equipped enough to keep handling this shit by yourself. The drive continued until you took a right turn down a private road lined with palm trees, blocked with more guards. A watchdog circled the truck as the other guards surveyed who was in the vehicle before it was allowed through. 

Surveying your surroundings, more guards, ATVs, and weapons were at every glance. Your heart sank, knowing there was no way you would be able to outrun everything on your own. One of the guards came to pull you out of the back once the truck came to a stop. You were led up to a large white-colored mansion, the sight of even more guards making you sick. 

The front door opened to reveal a woman dressed in a maid-styled uniform. She took a brief glance at you before letting the both of you through. The foyer area was decorated with expensive artifacts and paintings as you walked. “Take her upstairs. The Orinoco Room.”

A different guard took place and pulled your elbow up the stairs and practically tossed you inside the room, only sparing a second to cut the ties around your wrists.

“Why am I here? Who are you working for?” You took a step back away, the idea of being locked in a room with no escape again haunting your mind. 

“Dinner at eight. I’d clean up.” The door slammed and locked a second later without another word. Your feet stumbled backward until you collided with the bed frame. A sob choked through your throat as the memories became heavy, this feeling all too familiar to you. You didn’t even know if you could be rescued by the Pogues at this point. You were royally fucked.

An hour or two passed before you were able to get yourself out of bed to explore the room. A handful of identical dresses hung in the closet with a note to pick your size attached. Alarms went off in your head at the creepy aura surrounding the gesture before you dropped the paper to the carpet. Moving into the bathroom, a shower was 100% necessary first and foremost. If you were going to go headfirst into this by yourself, might as well clean up when you can.

The products in the shower had to have cost a fortune based on their looks and efficiency. As terrified as you were, this was much nicer than being trapped in the Cameron household endlessly. You took your time to get decent and explore the rest of the room. Dogs barked occasionally from outside, a reminder of the ever-present guards at every corner. 

A sharp knock startled you back to reality as the housekeeper from earlier entered. “He’s ready.”

You didn’t question it, standing up and smoothing out the fabric of the dress as you followed her down the winding staircase. She guided you into one of the rooms connecting to the entranceway before leaving. 

There was one other person in the room, dressed in a tux with their back to you as they poured liquor into a glass. You cleared your throat slightly. “Excuse me?”

Your heart dropped as the person turned around to reveal Rafe Cameron. A fresh buzz cut to his hair made him almost unrecognizable, but he still invoked the same horrible fear in you. This was slowly becoming your worst nightmare all over again. Chest tight with an approaching anxiety attack, you wondered what the hell you were going to do without John B and JJ.

“Y/N?” He looked shocked for some reason and quickly closed the distance between you as his expression shifted to one of anger. You immediately took a step back in return. “Are you trying to weasel in on my deal right now? Is that what’s going on?”

You stared at him for a moment while trying to process what the hell was actually happening. A voice from the other half of the room seemed to hear your thoughts. “I wondered if your little reunion would cause sparks, you know.”

The two of you turned simultaneously to the man who had spoken. He too was dressed in a suit, holding a glass of whiskey as he walked towards you. 

“Who are you?” Rafe didn’t hesitate to ask the obvious.

The man pointed to himself like he was surprised the question was even asked. “Me? My name is Carlos Singh. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cameron. And Miss Routledge, I do apologize for the rough tactics in bringing you here. But please, come, sit down. Come now, I don’t bite.”

There was a period of hesitation before you finally took the initiative to step forward into the sitting room, leaving Rafe to follow behind. “Rough tactics?” The Kook repeated. “What about me?”

“Yes, Mr. Cameron, false pretenses, but the ends justify the means, I’m afraid.” Carlos poured himself another hefty drink before asking Rafe to sit again. “We have a lot to talk about.”

“Why are we here?” The question you’d been wanting to know the answer to since the moment they came after you on the beach. Why? Why you and why here?

Carlos stood in front of the two of you and took a sip. “Well, Ms. Routledge, Mr. Cameron. We share certain interests, you know? Objectives.”

“Is this not about the cross?” Rafe’s already limited patience was wearing thin and you feared he would snap any second when he didn’t receive answers. 

“It is. Tangentially, it is about the cross, but it’s also about something much, much bigger.” Carlos turned around to face a framed painting on the wall that depicted a deep grassland with pyramids of gold. “By orders of magnitude… the completion of a grand quest. You see, the story goes that 450 years ago, a Spanish soldier came out of the Orinoco Basin with a few gold beads. When they asked the Spanish soldier where the beads came from, he replied that he got them from a peaceful Indigenous tribe who lived in a city of gold. El Dorado. For the next 450 years, people tried to find that gold, you know. They tried. Conquistadors, knights, captains of ships, tribes, entire nations. All fighting each other in a race for the end of the rainbow. Thousands of lives. And it falls to me, you know. It falls to me to complete the task, to bring full circle to a quest that has gone on for almost 500 years. Perhaps…perhaps the greatest quest in the history of the western hemisphere. And you two are going to play a part in that.”

“What about you, Ms. Routledge? Are you interested in history?”

The question made you want to roll your eyes. “I’m more of a future person.”

Rafe spoke up, “You know, I almost didn’t listen to a word you said, okay? How much you gonna keep philosophizing?” You honestly wanted to thank him for his straightforward attitude when it came to this.

“You are direct, aren’t you, Mr. Cameron?” Silence followed.

“What do you need from me?” At this point, you were willing to give him whatever he asked for, so long as it was within reason. You wanted out.

Carlos spared you a glance. “I’ve come to believe that you and your friends are in possession of something that can help me get what I want. An old manuscript, a diary actually.”

For a moment, you blanked on what exactly he meant. Then it hit you, Mr. Sunn had given Pope the diary of Denmark Tanny during your hunt for the cross. And if the cross, the gold, and this… El Dorado were all related… you had the key to where you needed to go. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Rafe replied as you shook your head lightly.

“I don’t know anything about a diary,” You added, “My brother and dad are the treasure people, not me.”

Carlos looked you dead in the eye. “How else could you have learned that the cross was on the Royal Merchant?”

Shrugging instantly, you stared him right back. “Look, I want to help you, but I can’t. I don’t have what you’re looking for.”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t say that you know, because unfortunately… I don’t believe you. You and your friends couldn’t have found that cross without it.”

“He’s not my friend.” The statement was short and sharp in nature as you spat it back at him. Fuck this dude for pulling you away from your friends, and fuck Rafe for all he did to you.

The Cameron next to you clapped his hands and got to his feet without warning. “Well, this is ridiculous. Okay? I’m out. I don’t know anything about a diary, okay? So-” He moved towards the open door but was forced back the second an armed guard appeared. 

“Do I look like a fool to you, Mr. Cameron?” Carlos repeated his question when Rafe didn’t answer. “You have the cross. She and her friends had the cross at one point. So one of you has the diary. And if you really don’t know, I suggest you convince your friend here to give it to me.” 

A finger was directed towards you, pulling Rafe’s gaze with it as the two of you held each other’s attention for a moment.

“Once I have the diary, you’ll be free to leave.” When nobody made a comment in return, Carlos moved towards the door to leave. “Enjoy the grounds during your stay. I must warn you though. I’m not a man of infinite patience. You have one day. Go to the window for a little demonstration. I think you’ll enjoy it, you know?” He placed two solid pats on Rafe’s bicep before exiting the room. 

The door was forced closed a moment after, Rafe calling out in shock as the lock clicked. If you weren’t freaking the hell out before, you sure as shit were now. While Rafe attempted to wiggle the door loose, you moved over to one of the sheer curtains covering a window and moved it aside. The guards and dogs were still circling, but this time a new figure joined. Jimmy was being pulled along onto the patio.

“Who the hell is that guy?” Rafe was suddenly so close to you, your whole body going rigid in response. 

“It’s Jimmy Portis,” You kept your reply simple. No need to converse with him beyond the bare minimum. He didn’t deserve it.

Carlos showed up through the glass a moment later, sparing the time to turn and find the two of you in the window before he pulled a gun from his waistband. A sharp gasp left your mouth as you figured out where this was going next.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.”

Every inch of your being was telling you to look away, not that you could see them underneath the rooftop of the patio. The loud bang came fast, an involuntary flinch wracking your body as the gunshot echoed. 

“This diary. Hey, no bullshit. Okay? Do you have it?” Rafe was inches from your face, the warmth of his breath on your cheek as you continued to stare forward. “Y/N?”

You turned to him sharply. “No.”

--

You hardly slept that night. The silky tank top and pants that were laid out made you so uncomfortable, not to mention the threat on your horizon if you didn’t figure out what the hell to do. Not to mention, Rafe was sleeping not even a foot away on the floor. With so much “gracious hospitality”, Carlos Singh couldn’t even be bothered to spare another bedroom.

You hoped JJ, John B, and the Pogues were at least doing better than you. Maybe they’d found a way home by now and we’re just waiting for you to escape. Even if you guys didn’t make it out of Barbados, you just wanted to be back with them.

Taking a glance at Rafe’s sleeping form, you pushed yourself off the bed to go by the window where guards had been stationed on the connecting balcony. Body moving before your consciousness, you tapped on the window to get the person’s attention. 

“I need to talk to Mr. Singh,” You tried to keep your voice somewhat quiet. The guard looked at you confused, so you repeated the statement slower.

“What are you doing?” Rafe had woken up at the noise and rushed over to you. “Shut up, shut up, shut up. What the hell are you doing?”

You turned around to glare at him. “Like I owe you an explanation for absolutely anything.” You brushed past him to the other door in the room.

“Think for a second, Y/N! What are you doing?”

Ignoring his question, you began to knock on the wooden door separating you from the rest of the house. “Hello?” When Rafe wouldn’t stop pushing, you snapped. “Don’t fucking talk to me.”

“You’re lying, about this diary. You know where it is?”

You shook your head. “No, I don’t.”

Rafe let out a groan as you moved away from him again. “Okay, listen, I wouldn’t tell me either, but he’s never gonna believe we don’t know something, alright? Listen to me! Singh killed that-”

The second his hand touched your shoulder, you whipped around and smacked him. Hard. “Don’t fucking touch me!” The two of you stood there for a moment, tensions high with the looming death threat. 

Rafe raised his hands in surrender. “Look around you. I’m the only friend you got.”

You were prepared to shut him down a second later, but the click of the door lock interrupted the opportunity. The guard from the balcony appeared in the doorway and you were quick to move toward him without a thought. Ignoring Rafe’s annoying voice from behind you, the guard escorted you out of the room and relocked the door. 

Carlos Singh didn’t look surprised at your presence when you entered the study. You stopped short of the table he was seated at. 

“I lied. I know about the diary,” You admitted, fingers clenching the fabric of your clothes. “I don’t have the original, but I can get you a copy.”

He looked you over for a moment before nodding slightly. “I’m relieved to hear you say that, you know. May I offer you something to eat?”

“I’m not hungry.”

He almost laughed at how quick your response was. “Relax, nothing’s gonna happen to you now. You’re cooperating, and I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“I just want to get you what you want, and then I want to leave,” Your voice was stern right back to him, refusing to show a hint of weakness. “I know where it is. But I have to go by myself. Alone.”

In the back of your head, you’re praying that the Twinkie is still alive somewhere on the OBX. Somewhere you can get a copy of the diary and maybe make a run for it.

“How would I know that you’d come back? I need some collateral.”

“Rafe’s here.” There was zero hesitation to offer him up for your sure-to-be disappearance. You didn’t give a shit what happened to him. “Keep him.

Signh laughed at your offer. “Rafe. No, I’ve heard tellings about what happened between the two of you. How did someone so young, get into so much trouble?” He rose from his chair to walk past you. You were quick to follow him.

“Look, I know where the diary is, and if you let me go, I promise you I can get it to you.”

Carlos shut down after that, his responses snippy and harsh until his phone broke the tension. He paused and rubbed his face before going to look at it. You were shocked when he looked at you and laughed. “Amazing. A text from our friend Jimmy Portis. From beyond the grave apparently. It seems Mr. Portis has captured your friends.”

The phone turned towards you to show a picture of John B and Sarah sitting next to each other with the message I got these two underneath. It was obvious they were trying to stage it out to look realistic. They had no idea what had happened. Singh called out for one of his guards.

“Get the big trucks and meet me outback.” His orders were quickly obeyed before he called on another guard. “Fenton. Get Miss Routledge.”

“Mr. Singh, Mr. Singh, please!” Panic was bubbling in your throat as the guard almost slammed into you before removing you from the study area. “You can’t hurt them, please! They’re all I have left, just leave them alone!” Your voice cracked with the strength of your yelling. The guard didn’t falter amongst your struggles and continued to push you up the stairs and back in the room without another word.

Rafe watched silently as you crawled into a ball at the foot of the bed. “What happened?” When you didn’t answer, he let out a sharp breath. “You’re gonna have to talk to me at some point. Okay?”

“Do I have to remind you of everything you’ve done?” You shot back as you looked at him. “You killed Peterkin. Do you remember that? And everything you’ve put Sarah through. Everything you put me through?”

“Peterkin, I was protecting my father, okay? I did what I had to, so don’t.” He walked away from you to sit in one of the armchairs. “I’m as much a victim as she is.”

You turned to give him the nastiest look you could muster. “Kook King Rafe Cameron, a victim of what? Consequences of your own fucking actions? Daddy issues?”

You hardly listened to the so-called explanation he tried to give. It was hard to find any empathy in your body towards the person in front of you. You couldn’t care less about what Rafe thought he was owed. All you cared about was getting the hell out of here, with or without him.

“Look, I have a boat that can get us off the island, okay? But first, we gotta get out of here, and it is better if we work together.”

The sound of yelling outside had the two of you on your feet and heading to the window. Two trucks were lining up for guards to climb into, an assortment of weapons on them.

“They’re leaving?” Rafe asked. 

You took a deep breath, dread flooding your chest as you watched them drive away. “They’re going to find John B and Sarah.”

“Sucks for them,” Rafe said as if he wasn’t talking about both of your siblings being at risk. “That’s good for us though. This may be our only shot of getting out of here.”

--

Rafe was quick to create a plan, something that would pull the guard from your door so you could slip out. Did you like it? Not in the slightest because it was a little to close for comfort. 

“I’m gonna kill you, Y/N!”

You screamed in response, running into the wall to make it seem like Rafe had actually shoved you while he threw a glass vase to the floor. He held a finger to his lips as the guard outside called for the two of you. You continued to lay still, one leg hanging out of the bathtub, knowing your feet would be the first thing in eyesight.

“Hey, you two! What’d you do?” Silence followed the voice on the other side of the door before you could hear the lock click.

Everything moved fast from there; Rafe slammed the guard with the bathroom door and exchanged punches with him while you managed to grab the fallen gun. Rafe was quick to grab the man’s phone while you tore a curtain off the bedframe and handed it to him so he could restrain the guard.

The two of you took off, moving through the house as quietly and quickly as possible. You managed to talk him into exchanging the gun in your hands for the phone, knowing exactly what clues the Pogues would need. You snuck around to get a quick photo of the painting that Carlos had been so intent on explaining to the two of you before following Rafe out the side door.

A grain delivery was occurring just outside, a large truck pulling away just as you stepped out. Your eyes followed the road along the grass line before you were moving, calling for Rafe to follow. The two of you managed to find a gap in the bushes just as the truck hit the corner going slow enough that you could climb on. 

You weren’t prepared, however, for there to be a worker in the back. Rafe moved before you even blinked to attack the man in front of you, eventually gaining the upper hand to throw him off the vehicle into the trees. 

Your eyes were wide as you faced the eldest Cameron but you didn’t have time to question his anger when you heard a familiar noise. The sound of bells was always a comfort in your life. When you and John B were kids, it was the way your dad would tell you it was time to come inside. The pattern coming from the local church was identical to the one your dad would do. Chills raced down your spine at the noise, wondering if maybe it was John B trying to draw you in after all.

--

You weren’t sure how much time passed under the tarp, out of prying eyes with Rafe Cameron. You were beyond done with his presence and just wanted to jump off the truck, but thankfully you guys were able to make it to the marina where his boat was docked. 

Climbing on the large pristine boat, you swore you could hear the bells ringing again, even this far away. You stopped short of untying the bowline, suddenly against the idea of getting on a boat with just Rafe Cameron. 

“I can’t get it.” You lied easily, faking a pull on the rope. “I need some help.”

Rafe let out a loud groan, barking for you to move since he ‘had to do everything’. The second he untied the line, you shoved his chest harshly, watching as he splashed into the water below. You took off, hopping up to the cabin area to move the boat out from the dock. Rafe yelled hysterically below you yet you couldn’t help but smile once you got moving. Pulling the phone from your pocket, you typed a quick message, your heart racing in anticipation.

After docking at a different marina, you waited, foot tapping excessively, for some response that they were coming. The church bells kept continuously ringing, freaking you out even further that maybe they didn’t know where you were.

Eyes on the sidewalk, you watched anxiously for some kind of sign. It came straight towards you in a light blue button-down. You moved quickly the second you made eye contact. “JJ?”

JJ’s whole figure drooped in relief at the sight of you, unharmed. He had felt so much guilt, so much anxiety over the way you two weren’t on the best of terms before you were taken. His feet moved rapidly, body colliding with yours as he lifted you off the ground. Your legs wrapped around his waist out of habit, holding him as tightly as you could.

“Holy shit, you’re safe. I’m right here, I got you.”

You let out a sob, tears streaming down your cheeks before you kissed him heavily. Nothing was as calming as being wrapped in his embrace, feeling his hands on your arms, his lips on yours. You took a moment before separating, your feet returning to the ground before you were attacked by another set of arms.

John B was fucking terrified. The moment you got yanked out of the sand, Sarah was holding him back from going after you. Everything felt too real now, too heavy. Knowing that the second one of you disappeared could be the last time they saw you was scary. He was sick of losing, and he wasn’t about to stand by and watch it happen to you all over again.

More shaky hands piled onto you and your brother, your friends wiggling their way into a huge group hug of relief. Kiara’s hands grabbed your cheeks once everyone stepped away. “You’re not hurt, right?” You could see her eyes scanning for any sort of injury.

You shook your head, brushing tears off your face. “No, no. I’m okay. I’m okay.”

“Are you kidding me, babe?” 

You followed JJ’s gaze to the large boat you had climbed off a few moments ago. You laughed, “Oh, yeah. Rafe let me take it for a spin.”

“Rafe?!”

You ignored the rapid onset of questions as your group piled onto the boat. You froze, however, at the sound of the bells tolling. Now you knew it wasn’t John B, and based on the way he was looking back at you, he was questioning them too.

“You don’t think-”

“There’s no way.”

Both of you spoke at the same time, glancing towards the hillside the church was located on. What would be the chances that your father happened to be in Barbados of all places, coincidentally when you crash-landed there?

“Yeah, so I have just a couple of questions,” JJ interrupted your sibling moment as everyone gathered around the two of you. “A Lagoon 620 with twin 150 Volvos. You understand we can go anywhere with this thing, right? Way to be discreet, by the way.”

You rolled your eyes, giving him the middle finger. 

“What did they want from you?” Sarah asked the question that the group had been pondering over for two days now. “You swear Rafe didn’t hurt you?”

You sat down on one of the couch cushions. “No, no. I’m fine, promise. I um… Singh wanted Denmark’s diary, of all things.”

Pope frowned at the revelation. “Why?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. Said it leads to a treasure that’s bigger than the Merchant.”

“A bigger treasure?” JJ repeated as he sat next to you, arm naturally wrapping around you to pull in close. “Sign me up.”

A moment of processing followed before your friends decided it was time to split and started prepping to leave. JJ moved with them, going to untie the lines. You decided to follow John B and Sarah up to the top deck.

“She’s right, we really need to go,” Sarah reiterated as she tossed a line down below. 

The bells chimed again a few seconds after she finished, both you and John B looking towards the church before glancing at each other. 

“Okay, you definitely heard that, right?” Your brother turned towards his girlfriend for an answer.

“Yeah, I do now.”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “That’s exactly what Dad would do to call us home. That pattern those bells.”

Sarah stopped her movements to look at the two of you. She could see the lingering sadness, the defeat that maybe he really was dead and this was a coincidental joke tugging at you. She also knew John B, and she knew where he went, you were usually close behind. 

“Okay. I get it.” The two of you snapped up to look at her. “You wanna go to the tower to go look? Go look.”

John B seemed shocked at her willingness. “You sure?”

She took another glance at you and nodded. “I’m serious. Hurry, and take this.”

“Sarah…” You walked up next to them, hesitant about leaving them again so soon.

She smiled at you. “Yes, yes. You don’t think I know the two of you? He’s gonna drive us all insane if he doesn’t look, and you’re not gonna let him go alone. So go look.”

You shared a glance with John B before darting down the stairs. JJ was on the dock, untying another line when you collided into him. 

“Whoa, hey. You okay?”

“I gotta go.” You didn’t give him a chance to react, John B already climbing off the boat behind you. “I’m going with John B. We’ll be back, okay?”

JJ looked panicked at the idea of you leaving when he just got you back. He knew better than to question you though, and if John B was going, it was enough for him. He gave you a nod, hands coming to rest on your cheeks before he kissed you softly. “I love you, okay?”

“Love you more,” You whispered back, giving him one more kiss before taking off after your brother. Not only were you two navigating a foreign area, but you needed to keep low from Singh’s men too. John B kept glancing back at you, slowing to stay with you when he could.

You slowed your light jog at the top of a hill, the church almost within reach? “Do you really think it’s him?”

John B paused, the two of you taking in the sound of the bells again. “I just… I have this feeling. And I need to know.”

He understood why you were hesitant. Your relationship with your dad wasn’t the greatest, especially as you got older. John B was always the favorite, which would’ve been fine if your dad hadn’t just started neglecting you in return. That’s where you clung to John B, why the two of you grew to be so protective of each other. 

The climb up the side of the mountain was rough, but you managed to do it without any slipping. You honestly didn’t know if this was something you were ready for, but you’d do it for John B. Even if your dad didn’t speak to you, it would be fine. You both deserved answers. 

The church itself was gorgeous with stained glass windows and coiled staircases. You followed your brother silently up the steps, unsure of what to expect. Every creak and groan of the building had the two of you hesitant to keep moving. 

You came through an archway before John B followed a shadow across into the other stairwell. From the glimpse you got, your heart started racing in your chest. You moved down the stairs slowly, the two of you stopping short halfway. 

There, at the bottom of the stairs, stood Big John Routledge. Alive.

“Dad?”

Your father turned to face the two of you, taking in the sight of his two children in the glow of the sunset. “What took you so long, kids? I’ve been ringing for hours.”

John B practically ran down the rest of the stairs and straight into your father’s arms. You stood, frozen in place at the sight before you. Emotions weren’t easy to process. You were a lovely combination of anger, sadness, and joy right now, your mind turning Inside Out at the idea of your father standing here after so long. 

“My baby bird.”

The nickname sucked all the air out of your lungs as you realized your father’s eyes were on you. Your feet moved slowly, hesitant about what exactly you were signing yourself up for, but the moment your dad had you within grasp, he hugged you as tight as he could. You felt like an innocent little kid all over again, with her big brother and Dad always there to protect her. 

“Oh, kids. We have a lot to talk about, huh?”

--

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[a-aexotic]

i’m so glad u do jj imagines he has my heart😻

anyways so

jj x reader where she’s like really close to all the pogues, and they’re all protective of her, maybe she could be like the youngest one or something, and rafe hits on her at a party and jj comes to the rescue and it ends w them telling their feelings to eachother

i love all your work so much btw!!

pairing. jj x fem!reader

warnings. alcohol consumption, rafe being rafe, mention of hangovers

summary. when rafe bothers reader ar a party, jj comes to the rescue.

➜ missing out on updates? ❪ navigation. masterlist. taglist. ❫

It was all a haze. The drinking, the loud music, the dancing. It felt like a big fever dream. You don't even remember where you are. All you remember is coming in with Pogues and now, you have no idea where you are.

This might've been your 3rd drink. Or wait, was it 5? You can't remember. You were laying on the couch trying to recenter yourself when you feel the couch next to you dip. You turn your head to meet Rafe Cameron's gaze.

You never liked him. He was always mean to the Pogues, including you for a while but he hasn't bothered you since you had started dating JJ. You were the youngest one of the group, just by a few months but the youngest nonetheless so the Pogues were very protective of as well and after a few fights with Kie and John B, Rafe had finally backed off.

Rafe knew better than to mess with JJ's girlfriend and the Pogues beloved baby Pogue. Or so they thought.

"Hey Y/N." He spoke, a smile playing on his lips.

You were confused on why he was even acknowledging you, he usually just ignored your existence. "Hey."

"How are you enjoying the party, is JJ here?"

You paused for a second, why did he care if JJ was here or not? "Uh, yeah. He's somewhere."

You were to drunk to realize that Rafe was very much flirting with you. He talked your ear off about golf and you were getting overwhelmed. Rafe had gotten closer to you, the music was too loud and you were nauseous from the drinks.

"Hey!" You heard someone shout. You turned around to see JJ walking towards you, a scowl on his face. You were instantly relieved because golf wasn't that interesting to you and you were getting tired; you just wanted to go home and sleep.

"JJ." Rafe sighed, as if even seeing him was an inconvenience.

"The fuck you talking Y/N for, huh?" JJ had grabbed your arm and pulled you up, putting an arm around your waist. His touch had help your sense calm down a bit.

Rafe rolled his eyes, getting up. "Calm your tits, man. I was just having friendly-"

"Friendly, my ass. You talk to her, again, I'll kill you." JJ had let go of you to get in Rafe's face to make his point. Rafe had let out a small laugh before raising his hands up in defense, walking away.

JJ turned to you, a sigh escaping his chapped lips. "You okay?"

"Yep, I feel a bit..." You paused, feeling your stomach grumble in pain. "Nauseaus."

JJ laughed and went over to you, putting an arm over your shoulder to help you walk. "How many drinks have you had?"

"I don't know like, five?"

"Five? You're a lightweight."

"Shut up." You grumbled unhappily. "Or I'll throw up all over you."

"Okay, okay. But Kie isn't going to be happy with you drinking that much because she had to take care of you last time."

You groaned at the mention of that night. And then you remembered that tomorrow, your hangover was probably going to be worse. JJ softened his gaze as he looked over at you.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you this time."

"Thanks, J." You smiled painfully before JJ bent his head towards you so he could plant a kiss on your lips. You melted into the kiss, your stomach pain gradually going away the more passionate the kiss became.