#maybe im being selfish or self centered idk

[snekdood]

kind of wild the way ppl who pretend to care about ppl with npd keep calling them "narcissists" rather than someone w/ npd. as if "narcissist is their default state of being. lol. lmao.

[gunkbaby]

idk how true this is these days but i feel like a *lot* of shuu analysis focuses on his character in :re. which i understand - his story within :re is definitely more than worth analysing - but i feel like sometimes ppl pass off shuu’s character in tg part 1 way too cynically.

like he’s *not* a villain - not evil - he’s an antagonist. he is someone who does bad things. i have seen so many ppl sort of disparage or put down shuu’s initial character as this sort of comedically evil narcissist, and the depth of his character within that part of tg feels lost. it feels like shuu is treated kind of flippantly in regards to analysis pre-:re - like he can be summed up rather easily. he’s down bad and funny, he’s full of himself and so dreadfully selfish. weird man who talks funny and acts devious.

i think only viewing :re shuu with depth does him a great disservice.

maybe i have made this man into too much of my baby, but i feel like there are so many moments - before :re, in the side stories, and so on - that show the very kind, genuine person that shuu is. there are moments where you can see that deep down, shuu is a genuinely kind, loving person. whilst he certainly is arrogant and self-serving, he also loves, he’s kind and he wants to see other people happy.

i think shuu is unable to convey or understand this love and empathy within himself. i see him in the first part of tokyo ghoul as someone who has desperately justified his existence in a world that actively rejects him. even amongst most other ghouls - outside of his family - shuu feels alienated. he fundamentally does not understand friendship, and i don’t think he understands how to love other people yet - he feels it, but doesn’t understand it in himself and conflates it with other, more familiar feelings of desire - and in tokyo ghoul this love inside of him becomes unavoidable. however, as it is in conflict with the perception shuu has built of himself (which i view as a means of coping with his alienation) it is desperately uncomfortable and painful.

to me, shuu in tokyo ghoul is someone who has built a view of themselves as a means of protection. he is a kind person who loves deeply and strongly, and genuinely desperately wants to see the people he loves happy above all else, but he is unable to understand that. i feel like upon understanding that, shuu also comes across as someone who is confused about who and what they are, but desperately wants a place in it.

again, idk what other ‘modern’ shuu analysis really looks like. i am talking from my perspective and memory of the past analysis and characterisation of shuu - that a lot of the genuineness within him is only seen in :re, like he’s a ‘good person’ in :re and :re alone, without the attention to his character in tg. i don’t like that that feels neglected to me, which is why a lot of my personal analysis is more centered on shuu in tg over :re - maybe because i am about the age he was there, and i feel about as confused and alienated as i read him.

i think, like a lot of characters in tokyo ghoul, you can read shuu as being quite a fearful person - fearing a lack of a place in society, his own loneliness, and that his idea of himself and the world is incorrect. it’s like he has this internal war of love and fear. I’ve thought about this concept a lot lately though - love and it’s opposite - hate is not the opposite of love, fear is, and that view has kind of shifted my worldview quite tremendously lately, so maybe I’m just talking nonsense, but now i look at so many characters i love, and i can see how their more morally reprehensible actions and views are fundamentally driven by fear. after which point it becomes very easy to sympathise with them - not that i have no sympathised with shuu excessively in the last 8-9 years lmao - i’m excited to re-read tg and look at other characters with this new lens also.

anyway i must stress that im not trying to bash shuu analysis from like 5 years ago or whatever - i just think shuu’s character in part 1 is neglected over his character in :re. and obviously i still love shuu in :re, i mean, outside of his general dreaminess, I’ve done analysis on that era of him before, and of how deeply important it is to me. I love and appreciate every nanometer on his character. he’s so important, and i will always want to dedicate myself to appreciating and extending my understanding of every part of him. 🩵

[scarrletmoon]

im not trying to start shit so im not tagging this but i'm just thinking about ed/izzy and how it doesn't make sense

like. izzy feels like the shitty ex who's convinced you that no one else gets you and no one ever will, so as uncomfortable as you feel with him, as much as it feels like you're missing something, you don't know exactly WHAT you're missing. plus, you've never had a relationship that's lasted as long as this one, and everyone says relationships are hard work. so maybe this IS what you deserve. at the end of the day, yeah he's an angry little fucker but he's loyal. you know he'll always have your back bc he's dedicated like no one else. and what's a relationship if not respect and loyalty?

except izzy has a very concrete but wrong idea of who ed is. he wants ed to fit a certain mould, which has severely stunted ed's growth and made him miserable.

i get ed/izzy as like, a terrible toxic relationship where two people stay together bc they think they have no one else -- izzy clings to ed bc blackbeard represents everything he wants to be as a man, ed stays with izzy bc he's useful and like, look at the poor guy, you can't just ditch him after 20 years. ed's not HEARTLESS. izzy's good, deep down.

deep, deep down

but then you see how stede immediately sees the best in ed, knows that ed can do better. stede brings out the softer parts that ed's been unable to access for years, doesn't shame him for not being a paragon of manliness or whatever. ed is HAPPY with stede.

and like, stede is a BITCH. he's selfish, obnoxious, shamelessly grandiose and loves being the center of attention, will happily ignore other people's needs to serve his own and also somehow has such terrible self esteem that he thinks he doesn't actually matter at the end of the day

but stede CARES. he never tries to really change anyone to fit an image he approves of. he doesn't go out of his way to harm anyone unless they've harmed him or someone he loves. his loyalty isn't conditional; when he loves ed, he loves him exactly as he is. and i think the reason why he dislikes Jack so much is bc jack turns him into this dumb frat boy who doesn't think for himself and he knows ed is better than that. ed reads it as judgement bc that's all he's ever gotten from others. but stede means it as "there is so much good in you already" rather than "i wish you would change into a shape i approve of"

so like. WHY DO PEOPLE THINK ED WOULD BE HAPPIER WITH IZZY. ed isn't even romantically attracted to izzy? izzy clearly, obviously, is HOPELESSLY in love with ed. but it's worse for both of them if they stay together, as friends or romantic partners. if they stay together, they stagnate. apart, ed can flourish. idk about izzy but maybe he'd be less of a cunt if he loosened his sphincter and learned that he doesn't ACTUALLY have to control everything in his sight

i get relating to izzy as someone who's been in love with someone who'll never love them back, but like. i'm sorry. im so sorry. but you should think better of yourself than izzy. you don't have to be miserable, and part of finding your own happiness might involve leaving the person you've been in love with for years who's never going to give you what you need

not saying you can't like the little gremlin but i'm just very confused about people who impart this softness onto him that doesn't actually exist, and won't exist until he exhibits some desire to change as a person

anyway if anyone comes to this post or my inbox cussing me out for this, im just blocking on sight bc i'm not fighting with izzy fans again who'd rather be cruel than either engage respectfully or just ignore me

if you dont like what i have to say, the block button is literally!! right there!!

[toniko]

side stories spoilers

there was only a little bit of LHH in these new chapters? I mean more of him next chapter but I miss him so bad…

oh but seriously hyunwoo is so gilyoung coded it’s crazy, the image of them lying side by side… LHH’s sentiment about them looking like brothers is such a sweet sentiment

otherwise i feel it’s finally time to settle my opinions on the readers

1: Lee Hakhyun (my serious favorite chara of all orv)

He refuses to let ANY reader die, it really reminds me of that Dokja selfishness for his companions but it somehow expresses so much kinder out of LHH idk, i just be saying shit now

thank goodness that he’s slightly better emotionally regulated, i love how everyone loves him as well n he so loves them back (especially that 41!YJH guy…) (damn this kind of rehashes my reasons for loving Dokja but that guy is severely more emotionally constipated so i like LHH better)

he feels like such a reliable guy, he really makes sure everyone will be okay n it truly feels like orvss will have a good ending bc he’s there to see it through

yk that feeling of pride u get when Kim Dokja gets hyped up on ORV, yeah i get that for LHH so hard he’s like my guy ever if i were a constellation, half my savings would be gone bc im busy gassing up LHH. he’ll do anything n ill be like “damn RIGHT he did, my goat”

2: Cha Yerin

theater dungeon cube room convo my beloved, literally a top 5 scene for me and all they did was talk

seriously tied w her brother but i think i like her slightly more because she’s the first reader 🥺 i mean LHH’s biggest number one fan literaturegirl64, likes his original works more.

the story of her n her brother is such a, idk gets my heart… orphanage, siblings? she’s blind and her brother has info dumped orv in audio over 6 complete times to her? amazing (this one of applies to why i like both characters, duh)

also just one of the most skilled fighters, ik orv women go crazy but orvss has so many new top tier female fighters, rlly said “no constellation” just a martial arts goat, she n her bro stood out immediately as the badass readers. her design makes me rlly happy too, i keep thinking abt it please make her real blackbox or webtoon ( in aprox. 6 years…)

the 1 on 1 convos she has w LHH are always so special to me, more than ever LHH is an author to her and she is his reader

she’s living my dream btw (got to read LHH’s old novels)

3: KillerKing (Cha Sunwoo???)

i think maybe, if LHH didn’t STILL call you KillerKing (regardless it’s what you go by damn) then I’d remember ur real name

idk I genuinely have to revisit the chapters to check again bc no one is updating any wikis… no should i do it? anyway

he is easily the funniest new character of the side stories bar none, god damn YJH kinnie, chuuni ass

recent recycling center arc (the animal masks one) sold me so hard on him, how can he consistently be like “no, go on without me!” flips black coat n still be cool… coolest lamest guy ever

jophiel is also such a cool constellation sponsor, some of the other readers have yet to have constellations so im excited to see what they end up with

his idea of surviving also being not to be like kim dokja but to do what you’re good at? it’s so good, makes so much damn sense. amazing.

the duo video game skill is awesome, I just can’t believe YJH beats the really cool co-op siblings bc he’s a fucking pro gamer, like get a JOB

4: Ye Hyunwoo

is that right? you want to be kim dokja but you can’t. this mf sets off 20 red flags every damn chapter but there’s that sense that he will always remain an ally cause he’s a smart kid and very self-aware so it’s also tragic in that sense

oddly enough he feels like an outsider to the group but he’s around really often n i think he really sets that distance himself

i think he’s really gotta embrace that he’s okay with being taken care of and hiding behind someone but is also capable himself. gong pildu literally your dad little man. I think we’re really at the trickling last bits of his general character arc

5: Lee Dansu (Noh Kyunghwan) (made me cry like 20 times)

favorite dilf in the apocalypse. im joking. maybe

inevitable insane tragedy of staying alive beyond his family

his entire like arc got me bawling my eyes out ong i just wish for him to be happy, kindly middle aged man who only read orv to understand his daughter? like what if i end it all omg it’s so… 😭😭😭

my wish is for him and hyunwoo to talk deadass. they should mourn together. hyunwoo knows what happened to his daughter and they both share a really close connection w her

there’s a real time to shoe him in these chapters bc that’s his daughter’s best friend n then his constellation came down too? deadass

6: Kyung Sein (does this count as trans girl)

she’s goofy silly cute… him? i mean it’s the only time we’ve seen a different gendered reader to character deadass did they run out of incarnation bodies for transmigration?

but anyway, i think it’s fun that she just stans heewon so hard she worked out n then is like bros with hyunsung. 41!YJH legitimately values her and the rest of the companions in combat. this round is so interesting bc like there’s the usual incarnations + the readers who got crazy good powerful so the balance is wrecked

honestly she and Lee Dansu were like, the first companions so there’s a sense of fondness that just comes from knowing them for so long

7: Ji Enyu

victim of less screen time bc she’s being badass on her own, seriously. initially she’s all like “haha what if we get put in the orv world there’s no way I’d survive” n she’s surviving the hardest, the balls on this woman. i think my jaw drops everytime she appears bc she’s got new awesome abilities n powers n connections. don’t even need that YJH carry

+ Yoo Sangah constellation, + LHH’s equivalent of Yoo Sangah, + the editor of ORV (its editor…. 🥹)

she and LHH literally got that best friend feel on, just looking at each other n understanding each other

also possessing King of Beauty is unironically crazy, but so so funny. someone who found her own way but still remains a reliable ally all the way through

seems to be getting more screen time this arc PLEASE more of her

that’s the companion readers i deadass can not write anymore in this tumblr post i mean i can. oh wow the readers are so fucking awesome man…

[anadrenalineslut]

you know what

i think i figured out why i despise emotional cheating so fucking much

its because the cheater justifies it to themselves by ascribing purer motives than they actually have. "oh but its true love" "oh im just falling in love with this person" and to them being in love can never be the wrong decision because its not a decision its an emotion and emotions are always valid right?

completely ignoring the fact that you should literally never be so emotionally intimate with another person besides ur chosen partner (if ur in that type of monogamous relationship) where you are falling in love with them. like falling in love with someone is sort of a conscious choice to me. you cannot love someone you do not know (not beyond general i love humanity vibes i mean). you need to spend time aka choose to be around them long enough to get to know all parts of who they are, the highs and lows of their inner being before u can say you have "fallen in love" with a person imo and like for me that means ur consciously choosing to be emotionally vulnerable with another person over me for weeks and months on end before u felt comfortable enough to let me go (maybe fucking years sometimes im looking at u taylor swift) and that is the most self-centered and selfish thing you can do to another human being.

i trusted you, i loved you and you spent years with me lying to my face because you liked the security of having me around? and you think you're not a cheater because you never actually touched them sexually?

i think people who think physical cheating is the worst thing u can do often dont view emotional cheating as cheating because to them all a relationship is for is sex. relationship = sex to them and for me, sex is so far removed from my emotional feelings for a person that i just cannot conceive thats how yall "fall in love" with people in a way?

like the way sex is hyped up to be so sacred and special and only to be done in marriage between soulmates leads people to view relationships = sex imo and for me, i have never "fallen in love" with how good somebody has fucked me. sorry to be crude but like... sex is sex and there is a reason u engage it in it (to orgasm) and how good someone is at rubbing my clit says nothing about how emotionally safe they are as a life partner to me. it says nothing about their hopes and dreams and what they want out of life and the music they play when they're sad and the books they love to read and the family relationship they have and the way they argue or their competitive nature or idk how well they listen to you or respect your feelings and for me it will always, always, always be a bigger betrayal for you to give that emotional security and safety away to someone else after promising it to me first whereas

i get the urge to fuck other people because good sex looks different with different partners and sometimes u just cant get a certain sexual desire fulfilled with ur current partner and i get it. people are hot and sex is fun. i find monogamy to be very christian in nature as well so that probably plays a role in my bias against it.

but emotional cheating????? god that is the worst and most selfish thing you can do to someone because YOU made the decision to cheat and now you're pretending like you just couldnt help it or "it was out of your control" and "u cant help who u fall in love with" and its just all such hypocritical bullshit to keep your own ego in tact from the reality that you're a shitty person who kept someone u didnt want around for months or years because u liked having that security around u.

its such gross behavior to me and i think this is why. emotional cheaters think theyre better than physical cheaters and they often think they deserve to cheat on their partners and they dont ever take accountability for their actions because to them feelings are never wrong and so therefore actions to engage in those feelings are never wrong either.

[glitchdollmemoria]

lots of thoughts with yom kippur approaching and not sure how to organize them. thoughts about the fact that i try to be a good person who doesnt harm others and apologizes when i do, thoughts about having low empathy and reduced remorse and not always being able to tell whether i actually was justified in doing something that hurt someone else or whether my own ego is clouding my judgement, thoughts about how my memory is so poor that i struggle to think of instances where i might have hurt people because i struggle to think of anything really that isnt within a very narrow timeframe but then when i can remember it loops back around to me justifying it. thoughts about not even trusting my own judgement on whether or not ive hurt someone because i think i tend to assume wrong in either direction, either assuming i matter more to someones happiness than i do or not recognizing how much i matter to someone else. i am a self centered person although i try not to be, and i will continue trying not to be but i also dont know if ill ever fully erase that from the core of my being, and so all i really can do is keep trying. maybe i have to spend the coming year trying to be more aware of whether or not im hurting people, and trying to be willing to recognize when i really am in the wrong instead of writing off my behavior, and trying to still be discerning as to when i AM justified in. idk. being a bit of a cunt to assholes. but also still trying to show restraint and not take things too far. trying to strike a balance and just be aware and careful.

i remember when i told my father i was interested in judaism, he said people shouldnt need religion to know how to be good people. and i do think on the whole thats mostly true, at least in the sense that religion isnt a requirement in order to have good morals. i think its important to have motivations to be a moral person beyond just "my religion says so". but at the same time, i personally do rely partly on religion for that sort of thing. its not like i was a horrible person before deciding to convert, ive always had at least a part of me that does genuinely want to be good for the sake of goodness, and thats part of WHY i love judaism, because of the emphasis on making the world a better place and treating people kindly, on the idea that this planet is HaShem's creation and all people are made in His image. but i also still need guidance. and maybe thats not so unique after all, maybe im not all that special for struggling so much with morality and selfishness. i dont know. i just think maybe instead of fretting about trying to remember specific instances where ive acted hurtfully, and trying to figure out whether or not i "should" feel remorseful, maybe i just need to accept that i have a lot of issues currently (but hopefully not permanently, or at least not always to this degree) interfering with my ability to figure all that out, and i need to focus on the big picture and recognize that surely, at some times, i HAVE hurt others with my own selfishness, and i need to be aware of that and keep trying to reduce how often that happens, and recognize when it does so i can make things right. i need to be aware of the fact that my moral compass isnt perfect, and i need to be willing to acknowledge when i make mistakes instead of trying to maintain my own self image as the most morally superior person in the room. and thats difficult and painful because its a complete gut punch to my own narcissism, because my instinct is to view that sort of vulnerability as an opportunity for others to paint me as inferior, and to safeguard myself against inferiority however i can. but the vulnerability is an absolute necessity if i want to ACTUALLY improve as a person. do i want to protect myself by insisting im a morally perfect person, or do i want to actualize my desires for moral perfection, or at least get as close as humanly possible? am i ready to grapple with the fact that growth involves admitting my flaws? am i capable of looking directly at my imperfections, or will i let my refusal to look at them become just another flaw on the pile? i think all of this is more useful for me to focus on this year. there are a couple specific memories of hurting people that i want to focus on too, but by and large with my own brain ill get more mileage out of looking at the big picture for now. and on the one hand hopefully i can focus more on specific instances next yom kippur, but on the other hand id like to try to avoid as many as possible in the first place.

[iwannabeastarstarrockmann]

i dont fucking know if my thoughts are my own or if ive just been so emotionally and verbally abused each day that im starting to internalize someone elses idea of me. idk what to think lately. im so fucking depressed and anxious and sad like every single day, it hurtsso much, and it fucking sucks that there are people in my life who just view me as a sad sack of shit with no aspirations or value. i never get more than a day to get better from anything before someone in my life is pressuring me to get off my ass and do something productive. dont you know tht there is something seriously wrong with me. idk why i cant do things, i just cant. i wan to be so productive and social, i just cant bring myself to do it right now. i feel so trapped and overwhelmed. do you realize how exhausting it is to wake up everyday with a mind attacking itself, with a body that aches, with a hope that this will be your last day of suffering, with no sense of what it is you need in order for the suffering to stop. i want to scream but i have no energy to. i want to die one minute and then hope to save my own life the next, contradicting every word or thought with an action that is not my own. theres days where my health anxiety is practically non existant and then something will happen, it could be something so nonsensical and somehow ill get triggered or worried and there i go absolutely obsessed with some strange pain or weird tension, or god forbid i actually get infected with something. thats all i could focus on 24/7 until i find some way to make it better, but the worry from the thing that im feeling and wondering about my health, this shit brain decides its so stressful and scary that i should just starve myself, cause if i were skinny, these prooblems wouldnt feel so big, or maybe id be able to go to the doctor if im 2 sizes smaller. that doesnt make any sense. i know it doesnt so why do i do what i do. and then theres the cutting that i feel i have to do or else i wont learn from my mistakes but if i cut myself whenever i impulsively feel like it, then that makes my immune system too weak to fight off whatever i think i have this week so im trying to recover from that as its only making everything more complicated, but its all i can think about, especially in this self loathing state im in now. im such an idiot, im just a sick fuck who cant stop thinking to herself that maybe im faking all this and im actually okay. i think its all my fault for being this way, i dont remember what started all these unhealthy coping mechanisms but it has to have started with a thought right? i feel so ashamed for being this way, it was stupid of me to ever adopt such habits restriction makes me more confident but the constant exercise makes me too weak to go anywhere to show that confidence, and great! now i actually am sick, and my immune system is shit, and my emotional state and self hatred is making it worse, and im too overwhelmed to see anyone in my life who thinks they love me, because i dont want them to see me like this. they wouldnt believe me if i tried to explain that im struggling and need help. ive tried. they dont listen. they dont realize whats important. i know i put em through hell, im selfish, im self centered and dramatic and lazy and gross and undeserving of any love they think they have for me. i dont trust it. dont tell me you love me, you barely know me, the real me, the one i keep locked behind a closed door each night, to contemplate what im going to do about this shit life ive curated for myself. im so tired, im so fucking tired all of the time. i dont know how to keep going. i dont know how to do anything for that matter. im not even going to revise this shit post, im too tired, i just need to announce somewhere, somehow, that im so fucking lost that i dont even know if my thoughts are my own, or what it means to be a person. everyday with this bullshit, now im getting into existential dread territory, im just so sick of my own shit! im sick of myself. why cant i function like everyone else???

i want it to be over, i wish my problems could just be solved without any external help. i just want to wake up tomorrow and for everything to just be okay. i want to feel okay again. i dont need anything fancy, please let me wake up tomorrow with hope of brighter days. its so hard to see the beauty in my life when im being suffocated and pinned down by something invisible. i dont have the capacity to love or care for anyone or anything, and no one can see that i just need a break?? how can you not see me? no one can see, ill show them and they still wont see! they refuse, simply because, they cannot see inside my head and dont care enough to want to. they think they do. i tried to tell them time and time again but i think its just that when i am feeling okay, they dont like the choices i make. when im okay, i make sure i make the most of that time by prioritizing my own happiness over everyone elses, and that really pisses people off! to the point where they want to tear me down and take that light away from me. i didnt ask to be here, now, with all this pressure on my shoulders to be more than what i am. im simply existing. i can feel it. tomorrows gonna be so shit. i can always sense the storm before it comes, i wish i could prevent it, or ease my pain in some way. these substances are nice in the moment but eventually the buzz will wear off and ill just be me again, with nothing to offer. i dont have anything to offer. life is too hard, i gave up so long ago and didnt even realize that is what was happening at the time. i just go through it day by day without fully processing that ill have to wake up the next day. i wish my life was a dream i could wake up from. my brain isnt working right. i dont recognize myself. i hate how alone we all are. every sensation, thought, visual, sound, and taste. you are completely isolated from everyone around you.

[blonkk]

shut the fuck up about the layers of your problems and “oppression”. this has gotta be the worst fucking thing that’s come out of “social conciousness”. like idk how to tell you this but everyone’s life is fucking hard. OBVIOUSLY when you’re part of a marginalized group things get harder but fr why is everyone so fucking dedicated to being miserable victims. deadass this is why white people are obsessed with being “queer”. it’s so annoying and i’m not giving you my fucking money. you know what i am if everyone needs to go there so fucking bad??!???? i’m a brown FEMALE person child of immigrants chronically ill chronically depressed diagnosed with ADHD and even thought to have autism by some. fuck if i’m gonna let all these awful labels define me for the rest of my fucking life and use them to make people feel sorry for me. i don’t even believe the ADHD and autism — honestly i think the adhd is a result of the conditions i live in and the fact that i just don’t respond to authority. but anyways like using this shit as a way to beg for money is just so pathetic and lazy and self absorbed lol. get a fucking job. i don’t even care anymore. yes i know getting a job doesn’t fix all your problems and that especially today there’s no reward for working but seriously why do you think you’re special???!!? i bust my balls working and have been since i was 16. i don’t get to use the child of immigrants excuse because IM NOT THE IMMIGRANT THEY WERE LMAOOOO seriously people are so pathetic it makes me so mad. there are people in the world that genuinely need help, need aid, can’t work. i’ve been directly beside those people. i’ve seen how the system fails the people who rely on it the most, and a lazy 20something with adhd and anxiety from a lower-middle-class background is not one of those people. i’ve worked in the lowest rungs in society and make no money, even now with qualifications, and i can’t afford basic things. is that ok? no it is not. do i think everyone should struggle? no i don’t . but i’m not gonna sit here and watch you freakish beggars try to manipulate people into feeling sorry for you because of your “identity”. stop being lazy and self centered. get a job and struggle like everyone else; maybe then you’ll see the value of work and money and why begging people for theirs is greedy. (no i’m not talking about poor people asking wealthy people for help, no i’m not saying luckier people shouldn’t distribute wealth if they can. they definitely should, that’s always been my belief.) i’m talking about these young kids acting like they’re at the forefront of some revolution by refusing to be a part of the real world and “advocating”; you’re not advocating for shit, you’re excusing your own selfishness and laziness. not to sound like a boomer but my taxes pay for your ei and disability that you steal from those who actually need it. my taxes are not meant to be YOUR public property. obviously it’s not right that the government takes my fucking money and i’m not even making a basic salary. but i can’t stand seeing these whiny children abusing public funding with such greed and entitlement. you’re doing harm whether you believe it or not and you’re splitting people more and more. there’s stubborn conservatives who refuse to understand other perspectives and think everyone has it the same and then there’s these loser lefties who see nothing wrong with taking what’s not theirs and refusing to get off their ass and try. seriously you’re mentally ill? maybe stop coddling yourself. you CAN work. you CAN get up, open the blinds, go outside, be a part of life.

it fucking sucks. but you don’t constantly need “rest”. you don’t get to treat everyone else like shit because you feel bad. grow up. all you big babies do is make people question the validity of mental illness and refuse to take it seriously because you want to be treated like special children. life is hard. life doesn’t make sense for most people until they get older. you’re in your twenties or teens or even thirties???? newsflash no one’s “happy”! no one’s got it figured out!!!! now quit being such a crybaby and go experience life instead of sitting in your room on tiktok all day thinking you’re so educated for having different labels to attach to everyone based on knowing next to nothing about who they are besides maybe their skin colour and background. touch grass. stop asking for money and co opting your way into marginalized group’s spaces because you’re a leech. i hate u all fr do you think during the mf depression 22 yr olds were rotting in their parents houses complaining that life is hard and they can’t work because they have anxiety and it’s too much?? no they went and did what they had to do and starved and struggled because that’s what you do. some people are luckier than others. bitch i was i was growing up in the 80s but that’s just not my choice. but hey if you wanna sit on the sidelines and complain all your life you do you. just don’t expect people to pay for it. freaks and weirdos!!!

[tauruswiftie]

hm late night whiny thought bear w me but i think the reason people keep talking about how “everyone’s” so “unempathetic” these days is bc a lot of them have no idea what it’s like to make a lot of sacrifices in ur personal life and get taken advantage of bc of idk being young and less good at standing up for yourself. like as someone who has been manipulated and exploited and guilted into doing so many things ostensibly for other people (often older adults who really had no business depending on a teenager to Sacrifice for them!) …. being more “selfish” and “individualistic” has been incredibly empowering for me. like idk people who have never struggled to assert their own boundaries should realize that using language meant to guilt people into having more of some abstract notion of empathy TM can end up sounding unintentionally very manipulative

[80s4life]

Johnny Lawrence With An Egocentric Reader Headcanon

Word Count: 666 (oh shit, we’re summoning a devil)

Status: Requested!

Ask: im sorry that youre going through hard times ;( idk if its easier for you to write headcanons or drabbles but do what makes you feel comfortable. also, didnt ask you if you write for johnny lawrence, but if thats not the im sorry to bother! i wanted to ask you some hc or drabble, its same for me, of johnny x egocentric reader? sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, english is not my native language

@: a cute bilingual anon! (so talented by the way, I have trouble speaking any other language)

Fandom: Karate Kid Series - Cobra Kai

Relationship: Johnny Lawrence x Egocentric!Reader

Warnings: strong language, fluff

Key: All of Johnny’s words are bolded, while Reader’s is left in italics!

Masterlist Karate Kid Masterlist Cobra Kai Masterlist

{gifs are not mine, credits go to @kyrixxx​ & @filmgifs​ & @ewan-mcgregor​}

So hot, I’m frothing at the mouth

Young Johnny Lawrence:

You met at school, well, he saw you at school, you were too busy fighting the girls and their normal antics.

You were playing soccer with others while Johnny was too busy trying to catch the eyes of various other females as he stripped his shirt.

He tried to find every chance to get to you, and it wasn’t until he purposely slammed right into you with the claim of not seeing you while going to catch a football, did he finally accomplish his goal.

Knocking you to the ground, you easily got pissed and to his dismay, called him out on his bullshit:

“You did that on purpose, you Ass!”

“I didn’t do anything! It was a simple mistake, here let me help you up?”

“No, I got it myself, and stay the hell out of my way!”

From that day on, he was hooked. He didn’t know if it was your dominance and strength or your cutting edge demeanor; either way, he wanted you. BAD.

It was his duty to keep up on this game of cat and mouse, and each time, the blame was pinned on him (rightfully so) and turned away.

“Watch where you’re going!”

“Go torture someone else who’s more into you.”

“Leave me alone!”

It didn’t seem to matter what you did, he would always come back with these huge puppy dog eyes and a grin that could cut glass.

Maybe that’s what made you start to give into his charms?

When you finally allow him into your life, take you on dates and such, he often tries to pester you just to get you fired up. He thinks it’s hot, you think it’s utterly annoying and misleading.

“You’re trying too hard, Lawrence.”

“You’re pushing on the line of clingy.”

“Can I take a breather?”

Either way, you guys soon find a dynamic. Although you may seem self-centered and cruel to most, Johnny knows it’s just a perk that comes with the territory.

Whether this behavior was learned at home or by the way the world works, Johnny loves it and basically basks in it. It makes you tough, and like Sensei Kreese taught him, that’s what you need to survive; a skill Johnny has yet to master.

Older Johnny Lawrence:

As Johnny had aged, he learned the skill of having to fend for one’s self before tending to anyone else. This asset had instantly peaked his interest upon meeting you.

You, getting the job rather easily, tended to the children in the Cobra Kai dojo when class was in session, helping to guide and help instruct every motion the senseis provided.

Like younger Johnny, older version of him also found this very endearing and headstrong, allowing him to feel safe and comfortable around you, knowing you could handle yourself in most situations.

Yes, being egocentric is very selfish or self-regarding, but it works in his world. In a world where John Kreese and Terry Silver reside in, hell, even Daniel Larusso.

However, catch Johnny on a bad day, and that’s his favorite topic to target:

“You always so damn full of yourself?”

“Only when it means warding off self-centered pricks like you. You have stereotypes written all over your forehead!”

“You’re one to talk!”

“Like you have much to say in defense?”

In light of the topic, you’re both egocentric but don’t like to admit it (much to our dismay)

Besides your personalities constantly crashing, they also mesh well, having similar attributes that make you work.

ESPECIALLY when it comes to going head-to-head with Kreese and Silver. 

Johnny loves to step back and watch you fire on them, knowing that in the end, you’re seeking comfort for yourself of all things. You don’t let them corrupt you, which keeps making them come back, but Johnny knows where you stand. 

You’re loyal, and he couldn’t ask for anything better than a Bad Bitch like you.

[holylacydoll]

im just so restless rn idk

[moonandflowersfairy]

 Hey gurll, I've always wanted a match up and here I am 😭🙏🏻💖 thank you so much for this and feel free to ignore this if your not comfortable with my ask!!!!💞

I'm Mey, pronouns she/her, 18y.o. I'm an infp, Taurus to the core! I like to camouflage myself in the crowd and absolute avoid center of attention but well, it finds me:) I would say I'm pretty friendly and awkward at first, but as you get to know me my goofier side comes out. I'm pretty selfless and selfish at the same time, I feel like I'm always there for people to give them a shoulder but when it's my turn there's nobody. I'm selfish in the sense id put myself FIRST! no way anyone else comin der. Not Matter what. My peace of mind comes first before anyone. I bake and I'm an artist, love to relieve stress and pressure thru sketching or painting (maybe that's why I'm so good at it :-)) I don't like when people are disrespectful, hate loud people in the morning, I'm sorry but I don't like any carbonated drinks idk why ;_; and I absolutely don't like people who love to brage in any way. I hate talking about the shit I'm going thru, and I always like to give this 'im absolutely okay' vibe, maybe cuz I don't want them to see my weak side. It's hard for me to open up. But I always have an ear to listen to you. Well I'm 5'7, short brown hair and eyes (I got crazy long thighs 😭) , chubby cheeks and round face. Gender preference male (aot, haikyuu), I like someone who's respectful, can make me laugh and is goofy, cute. AND I'm pretty(I mean a lot) clingy and I'm always down for cuddling and hugs and the physical touch. Not in public tho, maybe a lil>.< Genre preference fluff/smut (*・x・)/ And that's about it! Tysm and have an amazing day! 💖

I match you with...

¡! Jean Kirstein ¡!

Why?

hear me out, you are like 'not hating but kinda there to lovers trope'. you found out you had more similarities than differences, and that he is actually a super cute guy. Your relationship is based in communication and affection.

general headcanons:

¡! SFW ¡!

you were best friends with Sasha and were applying for the corps. There you met Jean and company, he wasn't much of your taste because of how obnoxious he could get, always bragging about his abilities.

with time you got to know him better and why was he like that. the reason was a crush with Mikasa and his jealousy for Eren, he wasn't like that really, just wanted to be noticed by the one he cared for.

two years had passed since you had joined the survey corps, and Jean was a bit quiet? something was off from him, you didn't pay much attention to it.

Jean understood that Mikasa wasn't interested in him and stopped trying to persuade her, his rivalry with Eren didn't stop but was much more controled. He was more mature.

a sudden interest came from you, now, one of the closest friends of Sasha was kinda attractive and that mullet of his was certainly points extra.

You started talking cuasually, some "hey"s and "how are you"s were traded between a sudden interest came from you, Jean being his flirty self did started to show off trying to get your attention but a simple "stop that, I like you being yourself" made him realize that it was too overwhelming.

now you were like 'everybody knows they like each other except themselves trope'. even Eren was routing for you.

actually, it was Eren who encouraged Jean to confess. Jean told you he liked you with a bunch of flowers he found in the forest. they turned out to be purple tulips and red carnation.

Jean since day one established that communication to him was very important and that he would be there anytime you needed something.

he respects your boundaries.

he would try to put you first, does care if you do the same but understands your beliefs.

comforts you the best he can, long hugs, forhead kisses, tender caresses and some advice if you ask for them.

lots of girls want him but he is loyal to the core, would never cheat on you

will cuddle till death, he is a loveball

he would prefer you to be a bit clingy in public but not to the point of making uncomfortable other people

will pepper your face with kisses all the time

his morning voice is like angel's singing, god praise and value that raspy tone 😤

loves to draw you, he gifts you only the best ones tho, mostly are just doodles of you two doing shenanigans

loves seeing your work and is always intrigued in your artistic process

"babe can I hang this in my room?"

cooks delicious but bakes horrendous, please do him cupcakes, he loves them

will tickle you in the morning to get you up for duty

he has a lot of sarcastic comments, most of them are bad, but you end up laughing because of how bad they are

pet names he will use are babe, bubs, baby, darling, sweetie, and only for soecial ocassions honey

likes to grab you by the waist

cooking dates! or more like those cliché romatic dates where he cooks dinner along with candles, rose petals and old music in the background

very cheesy but puts a lot of effort in it, and the food is 10/10 and the night surprise too 😩🙏🏼

the world he lives in is very curel and horrible, you made it shine and for that he will always have a space in his heart for you <3

¡! NSFW ¡!

he is a thighs man

so when he first saw you so vulnerable he went crazy

your bare core oh so inviting to him

his fingers work wonders and his tongue too

loves to spank you

you + riding him = him in heaven

when he cums he moans

he gets addicted to your taste so expect him eating you out everytime he can

loves to be teased in public, his girl trying to turn him on with lots of people around huh, he's in

one of his fav positions is doggy because he can be deeper in you and gets to grab your ass and thighs

bondage

please overstimulate him while he's tied up

cries when he gets to much stimulation, he likes it but will never admit it

blowjobs are a must too

his cum is thick and tastes quite good ngl, not salty, just perfect

he has big thighs too

sensitive in his lower stomach

his abs 😩😩😩😩

lick his nipples, trust me

he's big in general, his dick is not the exception

around 7 in, pink when he gets horny, trimmed, and some veins on the side

a lot of cuddle sex

degrade him when you are riding him. like PLEASE DO IT.

[purple tulips: loyalty] [red carnation: pure love] [dandelions: hope and happiness]

¡! song recommendation ¡!

he would put this song to dance with you 😭💖

[thisdreamplace]

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖

[narutowoah]

my thoughts on sakuras funny fake lil confession even tho nobody asked😐

OK. obviously it was wrong for sakura to lie to naruto. it was selfish, it was naïve of her to believe that the promise was THAT important to naruto. it was her ignorance and just totally like MISSING how important sasuke is to naruto personally; she didnt get their relationship, she COULDNT!

HOWEVER, can u really REALLY blame her? sai literally took her aside and was like Hey you know you put so much pressure on naruto bc of that promise right? which made her feel so guilty she fr started CRYING bc she didnt want to hurt her best friend. and also naruto did tell her several times like “i havent forgotten our promise!! ^_^” so liek. of course she wld believe the promise held some weight.

additionally, she wasn’t going at it from a place of maliciousness. she wasnt rubbing her little kunoichi hands together going hehehe how can i make this about ME how can i HURT and MANIPULATE stupid naruto >:))) she was thinking “how can i ground him? how can i give him something to make him happy and take his mind off sasuke so he isn’t hurting himself over and over for someone who continues to distance himself and cause destruction?” she knew naruto had had feelings for her, and she was willing to set her own feelings for sasuke aside to try and give her friend something to make him happy, something to get him to come home safe.

additionally, i dont think all of what she said was a lie. this is just me bc i like narusaku, but i mean.. she said things that were true! “you have never left my side, you always cheer me up. you comfort me. i care for you from the bottom of my heart.” she was blushing, she hugged him and clearly was saying things that were true to her feelings for naruto. i do think sakura may have had some degree of feelings for naruto, and had she told him earlier like before Pain, or maybe later, privately in the village, i think naruto would have been psyched!!!

but it was the timing that was fucked up. the timing and circumstances. naruto wasnt an emotionally blind idiot. she was ripping on sasuke, and also naruto had that hero complex. he was already insecure abt the fact that like. Oh the villagers love me now that i saved them, even though i was worthless as a human being to them before. and now to hear sakura bring up how he was the hero, and she saw him grow into that, of course he’d be hurt and think she only valued him now. of course that isn’t true, and i’m sure naruto doesn’t think that sakura only started caring for him after pains attack but still, it must hurt.

Also sort of interesting that naruto was like “i hate people who lie to themselves” but im like Oh but ur totally content and calm and happy and forgiving to the village for treatingg you like shit ur entire life and not even giving an apology, let alone reparitions and only accepting u once u saved their asses? Ok king live your “truth”.

BUT IDK i really liked this moment bc it was one of the only times kishimoto gave one of his female character DEPTH. like SHADES. she made a decision to lie to her best friend in a heart breaking way. but it clearly made her feel sick with guilt. but if she didnt, she’d feel horribly guilty for the pain and pressure she believed she was holding him under. she wanted him to be happy, safe, worry about himself, be present and back home at the village, and if she truly believed she could do that by entering a romantic relationship with him, then by all means she will lie and hurt and manipulate and set aside her own feelings to try and do that for him, and his safety. it was a mistake, it was wrong, but it was well intentioned and made her seem so human. she was self centered: literally Centering Herself in the drama and depth of sasuke and narutos relationship that she DID NOT understand, while also being self sacrificing. that is something that i love about sakura is that, especially in lieu of the LACK of crazy powerups she gets, she feels like a human yk?

[smalltragedy]

* ryan destiny, cis woman + she/her | you know kira blake, right? they’re twenty four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ever? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to babooshka by kate bush like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole lazily stretched out in a ray of light, daisy shaped irises and daisy chain braids, performing an intricate dance to move the ocean's waves thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 22, est, they/them )

hllo ive hd kira in my head fr a bit bt i also know ntohing abt her! this is me winging it even though i hv no right to <3 this is my third character maybe whose birthday is in honor of ella n coincidentally 2/3 of them r in this rp. yea im messy smirks sexily.

DEATH, GRIEF, DRUGS TW

mini playlist.

wuthering heights ;; kate bush / babooskha ;; kate bush / dreams ;; fleetwood mac / california dreamin’ ;; the mamas & the papas / lavender moon ;; haroula rose / time of the season ;; the zombies / after the storm ;; kali uchis / left hand free ;; alt-j / always forever ;; cults / wait a minute! ;; willow / your dog ;; soccer mommy.

statistics.

full name: kira blake

nickname(s): keely.

birthday: october 31st, 1996.

zodiac: scorpio sun, cancer moon, aquarius ascending. 

mbti & temperament: esfp & catalyst / sanguine. 

label: the ebullient.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

born to two original hippies which hs pretty much set up who kira is fr the rest of her life <3 the type of ppl who didnt like the boundaries of marriage n held off frm it fr as long as possible until theyd hd a spur of the moment elopement involving a celebrity impersonator at fannie’s <3 yea theyre lesbians lets go <3

nvr rly took things srsly until kira ws like 5 yrs old n then they were like ah gee ah fuck we probably shld probably settle settle. n they job hopped n worked many odd jobs until they found their footing in careers they liked n one of them probably does like. blown glass art. n the other prob fixes old computers n other ~vintage~ mementos of the past fr ppl.

they make a decent living n they live in delpinius heights n they try a few times fr another kid bt it nvr rly works out (raises an eyebrow. adopted siblings anyone?) n fr the most part kira as a child spends her time running around town and tugging on the hem of other’s shirts to ask them small favors (mostly to play a game with her)

often left unsupervised as a kid, bt not in the way tht her parents dnt care (bc her parents love her a lot a lot a lot like she is their world) bt in the way tht they simply raised her the way they were raised. running amuck all day n coming home jst in time fr dinner, front porch light always on, cat always waiting faithfully on their stoop.

pretty evident frm a young age tht kira’s mind saw things differently, in a different light - the world an array of light n mystery n sound n taste n sometimes those collided n created new experiences. prob hs some form of synsthesia bt dnt ask me which one yet. she’s a painting prodigy with an excellent understanding of color theory.

always ws known as a kind of like. rambunctious kid. a well meaning class clown who cld nt keep her mouth shut fr the life of her. grew up constantly with a yellow card beneath her name in school bt ws always well liked by her teachers n classmates alike.

jst a very bright child who did well naturally bt always ws turned more towards art.

feel like her parents very noticeably turned a cheek when she started smoking weed w the cool older kids when she ws 13. the type of person who wnts 2 b liked so bad she’d jump over a hurdle fr it. hs jumped over many hurdles n many fences n many other obstacles to be liked bt does it without breaking a sweat.

(edit: nw tht i think abt it hwevr i dnt think she does tht anymore i think while a bit of a mess atm she. likes herself. n doesnt rly want or need the approval of others anymore she jst does her own little thing. bt when she ws younger? she jst wnted 2 b friends w the entire world.)

nothing bad rly happened fr like. a good bit of her life. got into psychedelics at some point in high school n tht only heightened her artistic abilities. most of her high school art portfolio ws probably done while high bt <3 does it matter.

hd a high school sweetheart n they were pretty serious like. full on in love. a total believer of soulmates kira ws jst like. this is the one. there is nobody else i cn imagine my life with.

death tw

death tw

death tw.

death n grief tw // yea. sometime during their freshmen year of college. car incident. kira ws nvr the same though she’d like to pretend tht nothing’d ever happened. like theyd nvr existed. like she didnt plan out their entire lives together hiking thru hills n valleys n boating across various bodies of water n traveling together until they were old n wrinkly. end of death tw //

cld nt explain 2 u why kira hd bought a van n completely demolished it only to drain all of her savings remodeling it bt nw she lives in it by the beach. hd dreams of travelling the world bt cannot go long distances in a car without feeling sick. sees planes n feels envy. stopped painting fr a long time bt she’s started back up recently. took on surfing. told her parents tht it ws fine n tht she ws fine n theyre concerned bt shes always by the beach, her van rarely leaves. she’s trying her best bt its only been a few yrs n i think ppl cn sense tht shes jst nt the same cheerful girl as they once knew. end of grief tw //

anyways. tugs on my collar. tht’s kira! she lives on the beach n surfs everyday n is obsessed with daisies n is prob growing her own shrooms somewhere. 

personality & facts.

always been very emotional n a little dramatic. nt a drama queen bt is a little messy n does not hv like. many rational thoughts up in there. very cup full or cup empty.

regardless though she hs an. overall reputation fr jst being. enjoyable to be around. her her little moments bt shes also pretty like. laidback. in a way. KDSHFSDLKHGHFLKSD

prob bc she smokes a lot or is often <3 on a trip if u know wht i mean <3

god. got obsessed with the 60s n 70s aesthetic at some point n hs not gone back evr. big fan of psychedelic rock. is a prodigy painter bt her life dream outside of traveling ws always to own her own record label. hs nt happened yet, maybe will never happen? works at a record shop though n does hide the good vinyls tht she wants away frm the customers.

very cheerful n usually uplifting n she doesnt like to b negative around others bt smtms she cnt control it n smtms thinks tht ppl r out 2 get her jst out of. anxiety. hs long bouts where she’ll sit in a still sort of sadness n then shake out of it n hop back into conversation like nothing’s happened bt. its fine we’re fine kira is fine.

shes not gullible or naive bt wants to believe tht everybody hs a heart of gold even if its false. keeps giving ppl second chances bc she hs a savior complex n thinks she cn change ppl.

is very into zodiac n will judge u by ur chart. knows everybody in town’s natal chart. even newcomers. it’s a little scary hw quick she finds this information bt its very important to her.

kind of like. into spirituality bt i wont lie its very surface level n a little superficial. learning tarot cards bt cannot fr the life of her memorize the meanings so smtms she jst makes up things on the spot. hs so many crystals she will not stop buying them.

i think a part of her is desperately trying to cling onto tht like. think positive. self care. msg thts super prevalent online without addressing or actually helping any of her problems. it is her flaw </3

hates to admit when she needs help. wld rather do everything herself.

head is a little in the clouds n her parents r a little concerned fr her bc shes nt rly doing much rn bt like. she jst needs time i think. shes jst doing her little thing.

does not give up on ppl easily she absolutely hates dropping ppl frm her life even if she grows 2 resent them over time which is bad bc she is bad at hiding when she is upset at someone or when she doesnt like someone.

like shes jst passive aggressive abt it n does not properly communicate <3

bt this is rare i think ... negative feelings abt other ppl

self centered bt not selfish if tht makes sense. she will do things fr others without a problem n sometimes trips over herself 2 do it bt at the end of the day i think she cares abt herself the most.

hs only been in love once bt hs hd many infatuations n many like. admirations n very surface level feelings. her body is a temple n she loves 2 b worshipped.

prob does fkn. beach yoga. probably vegan bt also maybe breaks tht every once in a while. almost noncommittal its hard 2 distinguish between her being carefree, not taking care of herself, or jst hving commitment issues? flaky or not? who knows.

feels jst a bit too strongly bt tries to contain it. jst full of multitudes or smth. idk. icon <3

like. cares bt doesnt care. does thinks tht r purposely self destructive n then acts like shes like. cool girl monologue frm gone girl. bt does it while being like peace n luv on earth x

ok thts all i hv goodbye

wanted plots.

a pseudonym 2 fool ‘em... ;; jst hd this idea pop up bt i like the idea of kira going undercover 2 expose cheaters. whether she does this on her own accord or is personally requested by smbdy is up in the air. a plottable point. she h8s cheaters n is chaotic good she prob thinks shes the relationship vigilante testing the strengths of other’s relationships. once again she cld b. specifically going undercover fr smbdy 2 help them out. im sure she wldnt go 2 very. extensive srs measures like actually. sleeping w the assumed-cheaters bt once again. world is our oyster n i lov drama?

crystal visions ... ;; once again. shes super into crystals n astrology n she will base sm of her opinions of others on it. this is nt just abt her being judgmental of others bt also jst. catching her running around in the rain trying sooo hard 2 fkn. charge her crystals in the rainwater bc she forgot 2 charge them under the full moon the night b4. this is her giving wrong tarot readings. she hs no idea wht shes doing at any given time bt acts like she does know. acts like she knows the entire world. she gives crystals as gifts n will do ur natal chart for u bt will also pack her things n leave if ur a capricorn.

time of the season... ;; i dnt knw admittedly. this song’s abt being horny so perhaps? perhaps. kira isnt rly able to keep a grasp on long term relationships rn due to. factors in her life so she hops frm person 2 person often. smtms jst flings smtms its jst a relationship accidentally led on. shes noncommittal n a little flaky atm when she’s usually ride or die fr others. perhaps this is all in the name of some good fun! world? oyster. 

literally anything .dsfskhdkgs ;; god. shes so new i jst dnt know. childhood friends. current friends. friends shes hd frever. enemies n ex lovers n ppl shes constantly pushing away or scorned lovers or both or anything?? she pushed them out of the roller rink to make more room fr herself or maybe they did tht to her. perhaps theyre both constantly pursuing some sort of fkn. meaning in their lives tht they cnt quite grasp. mayb they go on an acid trip together. who knows. 

[littlebabycrybtch]

bro lmao my favorite faketivism social media trend rn is that hollow tunnel vision shit that goes like. “[person that is blatantly experiencing symptoms of a different but similar mental illness/disability], is just them FAKING [illness they claim to have], which is ABLEIST, bc they are PRETENDING” like honey if theyre experiencing delusions abt what they have going on or are self harming/being dangerous for ‘attention’ tm or are having unyielding obsessive thoughts abt their health or perhaps maybe its just that like idk medical science (which has been ableist and wrong before!) just hasnt caught/studied their issue enough yet. they are not ableist for not accurately recognizing the root problem theyre experiencing, they are in fact still obviously mentally ill and deserve not just professional help for the issues they are experiencing, but they need your fuckin support, respect, and some basic maturity honestly??? man can yall try and filter your actions for bias sometimes, grow up and stop bein selfish. i mean its truly just cruel and self centered to reject others and act like theyre bad and therefore arent ‘allowed’ to get help for themselves if they make a mistake and put themselves in your space when they dont align perfectly with you. like. stop the annoying clique behavior actually thats so ugly to keep perpetuating, you should be capable of dealing with this using an ounce of sympathy and tact. just bc they got the diagnosis wrong doesnt mean you get to try and ban them from the mental illness/disability community, as if this ‘mental illness/disability diagnosis’ concept really is just a ticket to get into a fun lil secret community area to you and not kinda also about uhm, Social Protection From Oppressive Forces, And Medical Analysis That Can Legally Give You Access To The Assistance You Require To Function And Thrive Happily On A Daily Basis , WHICH MATTERS, NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE, OR HOW ~WRONG~ YOU ARE THE FIRST TIME, OR WHO YOU SEEK OUT FOR SUPPORT, BC HOW DARE YOU DO THAT RIGHT, ASK PPL FOR SUPPORT??? LIKE IM,,,,, LITERALLY HOW DO YOU UNDERDEVELOPED ASSHOLES SLEEP AT NIGHT WITH ALL THE FAKE MORAL BULLSHIT HASHTAGS IN UR BIOS WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY CAUSING UNBRIDLED SOCIAL HARM TO WHOEVER U WANNA SINK UR CLAWS INTO LITERALLY WHENEVER ITS CONVENIENT TO VALIDATE ALL THE HIDDEN GROSS TRAITS YOU HAVENT UNWORKED YET BC U WANT CLOUT AND NOT PROGRESS