#maybe it differs per day
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imagine if after the transmigration shen qingqiu became a combination of shen yuan and shen jiu, not in a "second person living in my head" kind of way, but a "this house is haunted and carries the echoes of the dead" kind of way; imagine shen yuan having nightmares about a house, a fire, a faceless boy behind a door he can't remember; imagine him having flashes of emotions he doesn't understand, rage at a name he doesn't recognize, helplessness when yue qingyuan apologizes for something he won't mention, nausea when ning yingying says the name "a-luo"; imagine parts of his own self have changed too, how he now likes bows in his hair, pretty flowers and flowing robes, but can no longer stand a stranger's touch, a man's touch, yet he longs for the brothels, but never sexually, only fondly, like there's something there he misses. there are many empty spaces in his heart where he feels something is missing
#imagine if one day shen qingqiu wakes up and he no longer knows which one he is#imagine the guilt too. for not just taking a body but their self too. their memories and wants and needs and feelings#maybe it differs per day#sometimes he is more shen jiu. snappy and defensive and aloof#sometimes hes more shen yuan. silly and bumbling and trying so hard#and maybe. maybe. if you want to tear your heart a little more:#most disiciples and peak lords sit out the days where parts of shen jiu surface waiting for shen yuan to come back#theres a metaphor about the ship of theseus in here somewhere. its on the tip of my tongue#something something replacing all the parts one by one. is it still the same ship or has it become something new?#svsss#scum villian’s self saving system#shen jiu#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#scum villain#mxtx svsss#mxtx#luo binghe#bingqiu#svsss thoughts#yue qingyuan
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Doing master studies the only way I know how: Stealing them and making them my guys.
(Barberini Faun)
(The Fallen Angel - Alexandre Cabanel)
(Covent Garden - William Bruce Ellis Rankin)
#obviously. not actually theft...#i was gonna say these are public domain but covent garden actually isnt yet#it will be. in two years.#thats the most different one though like i added a whole new guy..#maybe not the most different. barberini faun is pretty different i just took the post#pose#its barely even a study. thats not true#but. what was i saying.#oh its not theft it's study... the purpose is to learn!!! but also. if im gonna spend like 2 days on something...#its GONNA be my guys#otherwise. idk. i only want to spend 30 or so minutes per study#just to get the notes down and the practice for the skill im working on#i dont get all that much more out of completely rendering a master study. PERSONALLY.#at least definitely not enough to be worth taking 100x longer#but making them my characters makes it worth going all the way!!!#plus it's good practice w like. not just going 1:1 but actually genuinely interpreting whats there so i can manipulate it...#again. personally. this is just how i worm#WORK#youd better worm bitch#uhm... anyways yeah. ive done lots of study but why TF share it LMAO i dont even save it#its just to learn. ive got 1 million other drawings to save and look at later.#once the learning is done it's done its job and i have no need anymore#this is why the only studies i have are from school. i had to save and upload them#well. ok also i dont study as much now BUT in my defense im a full time artist#an hour or so a week is different ok im learning while working too.. i learned how to learn and i do it all the time now#master studies#digital art#my art#illustration#my ocs
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that one trope for high school au... (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#i like to insert cheese whenever i have the chance#also maybe its obvious but this is with their max variants as per the norm with me... if it was stampede this would be wildly different#bc vash would sort of have more parental figures being that brad and luida act as that in stampede -- and wolfwood would prob be more of an#actual delinquent! maybe i'll draw that one day... but for max edition hs au - vash is more generally avoidant and angst-filled core.#still got that polite Sorrow in his eyes but like. not that silly. he needs time to cultivate that. and wolfwood is just chugging by#ruporas art
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me meo i love living in a territory that gives a shit abt its citizens so much that theres no available transport other than the ONE big city and the next 20 (if that) smaller cities
#z xarre#you wanna go huesca-zgz? sure. theres buses every hour and like 4 trains a day#you wanna go to teruel? well its gonna take at least 3 hours and theres maybe 5 buses a day and 2 trains perhaps#you wanna go to fuckass orihuela del tremedal? well good luck getting there if you dont have a car!!!#see like at least in catalunya i can get to my village (300 inhabitants at most) by bus. bc yknow. theres a fucking bus stop and at least#4 buses per day to at least 2 different locations. but villages in aragon? its crazy how little the central govt cares abt them
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beating a dead horse but it really is such a shame svs2 got rid of lites (outside of special secret bonus eleanor i guess???) like i KNOW the 7 day trial system works more for dreamtonics themselves and having multiple trial types would be confusing but MAN.... i want them back orz
#i dont have any numbers but it does seem to do wonders for certain types of marketing#like ES used em well for a bit of community building with the delayed releases coinciding with anniversaries contests etc#and ahs's near simultaneous lite releases were great for keeping the voicebanks on the mind#since people were using em for non commercial stuff like covers and talkloids etc. if that makes any sense#you might have noticed how much i draw voicebanks ive used a trial/lite of compared to others#i personally get most attached to voices ive used hjkdshjkfds thats why i keep drawing my fandesigns for the complimentary trio??#it surprised even me.... that week i used all three before choosing liam i got to know em a little LOL#tbh i would be less sad about lites disappearing if the 7 day trials werent so restrictive. so restrictive its lowkey hard to actually like#trial the voicebank? the triple whammy of only a week + 40 note per group limit + no rendering is a bit much#if it was longer i would be more charitable. 2 weeks to a month? or indefinite like flts were would be nice#OR i'd accept the 7 day limit if the 40 note restriction wasnt there. its just annoying to work around LOL#but come on man 7 days? voisona gives us a whole month.... of course they have it only during specific campaigns BUT STILL#maybe we can split the difference... 2 weeks mayhaps? possibly a third week? like a library loan...
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sometimes people on here give writing advice in absolutes and not only is it not an absolute, sometimes that advice….is not good
#i won’t say wrong because one aspect of writing is learning to play with the ‘rules’ which are fake#but i will say sometimes it’s not good#or it’s just someone saying ‘this is wrong’ when it’s not wrong at all#it’s just a different style of writing#that’s what i see a lot: doing it this way is wrong do it this way instead#like ok maybe that’s one way to do it maybe it’s a more popular way#but this way is not WRONG per say#i am being intentionally vague but it’s not like this is the only post i’ve felt this way about#not pjo#chitter chatter#heres your rant of the day
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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playing the social game at office job already exhausting, witnesses report
#do you ever realize you missed a social cue and want to scream#im like 95% sure my boss has been like. conspiring to keep me at part time hours#when literally he could have just talked to me#i am so cooperative bro#like have you seen when herding dogs get stressed because they dont know what theyre supposed to be doing? yeah#im just a bit dense sometimes#i forgot he said during the interview that he WANTED me to start at part time hours#and i forgot there was like a legal difference between part time and full time employees#like i said. bit dense sometimes. im very smart but i miss things#anyway he was like 'why dont you just work 10-5 this week'#and there was this vibe of like. he didnt want me to work full hours & i couldnt figure out WHY#he was like 'oh we dont want to burn you out' & i was like. ok#i thought maybe they didnt have enough for me to do b/c im still training & i commented on that#& everyone was like 'oh we have so much work for you lol'#theyre behind on Webbed Site#and he reeeeeaaally emphasized how important it was that employees take their full lunch break#and i thought. huh. good that he cares i guess#and when i asked for a specific day off & to go home early another day they just immediately agreed#like fast enough that it seemed Odd to me#idk bro maybe im just reading into things too much but it explains like 4 things i was confused about#occam's razor right?#10 to 5 minus an unpaid 1-hour lunch works out to exactly 30 hrs per week#part time is < 30 hrs per week and full time is >= 30#so that would still put me at full time if it was 10-5 every day but my boss might not know which way the >= goes#and it isnt every day because i asked for a day off#i miss how straightforward retail was lmao#like it sucked in many ways but at least they were very clear about their expectations#personal#i think im going to ask for fewer hours next week. im tired
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I prefer Guys characterization in the princes path rather then his consort route
I feel like all the routes should've progressed slower tbh but with Guy in particular I feel like it would really work with a slow burn romance
Also, unrelated but MC always falls in love with her chosen consort by chapter 10 like girl you've known this man for 2 weeks
#also the length of time each path spans isn't clear therefore it either feels too fast paced or soon#i kinda wish book 1 consort routes were more figurative like still focused on the progression of their relationship and character developmen#but less focused on the actual establishing of the relationship if that makes any sense#i guess it would have to be different for different characters and the overall dynamic of the relationship but regardless#with 30 chapters + 3 interludes and your chosen ending you would think you can do alot with that#cus 30 chapters is alot and 5 story parts per chapter too#i dont think alot of the stories need tp change if im being honest now#but imagine if each chapter included more subtance not to mention detail to clarify alot of things#overall I thing the book 1 consort routes to felt really filling were Roy or Toa#or maybe knight i remember the first time I read knights route like i was watching a movie cus i ended up really sucked into the story#and the lore of it too#same with Roy#i wish there was more side plot to the consort route cus realistically im not thinking about or doing the same thing everyday even if im#set on a specific path and moving forward towards a goal if that makes any sense#the path or goal in this case being cuffing one if these ridiculously hot men yk like im not gonna be thinking about this man every second#of the goddamn day no#court of darkness#kay just saying shit
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Honestly sooooooo fucked up that I thought my overwhelming daily fatigue and debilitating body pain was a product of the awful working conditions I was under for years and years... and yet, despite being out of work for half a year now, I'm still so fatigued and in pain all the time??? Like come on man that's not fair
Oh well maybe I have liver disease and they'll treat it and then I am magically so much more energized like I was as a kid. We can only hope !!!!
#speculation nation#negative/#um. not hoping i have liver disease but the blood tests blatantly state that it's not working entirely right.#not like major enough to be an immediate health emergency. or else my doctor probably wouldve called me#rather than referring me to radiology.#im just hoping that it's something easy to treat. it really would be so nice for my problems to be fixed like that.#and im mentioning it in conjunction with the fatigue just bc it can cause fatigue. ya kno.#probably is a good thing i caught it this early whatever it is.#like maybe it's Not fibromyalgia. but the fact that i pursued diagnosis for fibromyalgia spurred the blood tests#which alerted my doctor to the abnormal liver enyzmes.#if i hadnt pursued diagnosis who knows how much longer this wouldve gone on like this...#so! im still not happy to be doing a Fucking ultrasound for my liver. but. if it means catching whatever this is early#then like. it'll be worth it. doubly so if it does end up fixing my fatigue problems.#or even just some of them. i dont even need to be at 100% of what others can do#i just wanna be able to do half an hour of chores without feeling like im going to collapse 😭😭😭😭#it's really very troublesome. my life would be so much easier if i had the energy to do more than one thing per day.#(and if i do more than one thing i end up nearly bedridden the rest of the day. like today lol.)#im just trying to look on the bright sides so i dont start freaking out again about my liver not working right.#ultimately. even if i dont feel amazing. i dont feel all that different from how ive lived the past decade of my life.#or at least the most recent years. i kind of feel like my chronic pain has gotten worse. maybe fatigue too.#though i do know ive been dealing with both for however long. idk. might be recency bias. who knows.#ANYWAYS. im not actively dying. so i'll live to my appointments. and then i will hope it's smooth sailing from there.#(oh god i hope i wont need surgery. i dont want surgery. please im trying to graduate college i do not want surgery)#(god why is my luck always so bad)
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re that post about watching bsd and suddenly wanting to read 20+ books, for the love of god try reading something thats not no longer human or crime and punishment. tanizaki, natsume and akutagawa are considered to be one of japan's most influential writers for a reason and they can be 10 times easier and more accesible than dazai or dostoevsky. higuchi's stories too. please please please reach further than your favourite anime twink pleasee
#and try libraries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if you have access to a university library especially!!!!!!!!!#if your school has a japanese studies program there are probably tons of novels and anthologies laying around!!!!!!!!!!!#also pleaseeeeeeeeeee read tanizaki that man was such a freak we'd be best friends if he were still alive#also ngl i have such a personal vendetta against dazai's works like im sorry theyre boring as shit for the most part#ive read nlh and setting sun and two different short stories collections and. i mean they were fine and some were really cool but generally#theyre not mind blowing#its understandable its where ppl start but come onnnnnn#the only bsd author i liked less was mori and maybe ranpo#mori esp god that shit sucked#i will not be dunking on dostoevsky however#he can be tough so it may not be a great place to start but i loove crime and punishment#altho i only read it once in a bordeline feverish state#reading one chapter per day at like 1am and i finished in less that a week#but i also picked it up bc it was a required reading in high school#anyway tanizaki you will always be famous for your led lighbulb kink and also whatever the fuck went down in manji#txt.
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ooohhhh this is a no focus day cool
#one day I'm going to make all my mental issues into a dnd-esque rolls#with how hard they are and what happens with different numbers and stuff#and how many rolls i need to do per day#just to show people who think that I'm just lazy etc#or who just genuinely can't visualize that even though they really want to#or maybe i just really want to validate myself who knows
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decided i need to budget better but first i must see where all my money goes so this month im going crazyyyyyy and next month the budgeting begins 😔
#ameera speaks#worst month to track actaully bc theres 2 upcoming birthdays i need to get presents for and going out#grrrrrrrrr#actually maybe i shoukd wait to start budgeting then....#bc theres 2 birthdays. (presents and going out) ramadan (im not buying food like i normally do) eid (more cash incoming) and in may im#changing my hours to more per week so whats the point in tracking in march - april if april - may is gonna be a different incoming..#BUT my biurthdays in may so thr expenses are different !!!!!!#worst months to track and budget: november. december. january (i work christmas. black friday. boxing day and new years. income is different#march - april (ramadan and eid)#may (my birthday)#but waiting till June to start bidgeting is stupid
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Occasionally I check the activity tab on here even tho I'm not active ATM and both my blogs are on queues and like. Damn. You all fucking loved that reblog of that pink painting that looked like bubblegum huh
#crouch speaks#usually i get maybe 5 at most different blogs interact per day on this blog but like straight up almost 40 of you interacted with that one#we all love yummy pink texture art i guess#genuinely think thats the most interaction ive seen on this blog lmao
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I feel like I switch genshin mains more than most people. most people seem to stick to one or two characters or the same team. I feel like I change around a lot. right now I'm a lynette main (I always switch back to her and run around with her) but also a lyney main (my main damage dealer on current team) so I just main the twins right now. I get new characters and if I like them, the join my team and are my new mains.
not sure what I'll do with neuvillette though because i'm enjoying my current team but want him. maybe he will sit on the bench for a bit. not the first time I benched a new 5 star because my current team was too fun to change.
#lee text#ive benched shenhe and ganyu and baizhu and wanderer. never finished building them but fought hard to get them#except ganyu. she was a “what if” 10 pull lol#its hard to decide what characters to use D:#maybe if i start streaming again i can make multiple teams of different characters and do “team of the day” to chnage it up#if i was a popualr streamer id let people vote who gets to be on the team. thaf would be fun#too bad my past consistent genshin streaming only got me an average of 0.3 viewers per hour lmao 😭
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“do you like summer or winter?” i like the other two seasons where i can just go outside without fear of heatstroke or slipping on ice. why is it always summer vs winter. they’re both miserable
#maybe years ago when the climate apocalypse wasn’t as bad id feel differently#but my god. i cherish those few nice days per year in the spring and fall#veer pro tips
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