#maybe it'll do me some good to work on it this weekend honestly

[apprenticestanheight]

Can I get number 10 "Will you marry me?" For Mark Hoffman? And maybe for Adam

Onions- Mark Hoffman x gn! reader

Hi!! I went ahead and did this one for Mark as I feel I don't write for him nearly enough, but if you'd like me to do this prompt with Adam, just feel free to let me know (be that through a response to this fic or an ask in my inbox! I don't know when it'll be done as I still have a lot of writing to get through before I consider myself on top of the reqs I currently have to do, but at the very least I can promise it'll be done either before christmas, on christmas, or the day after!)

Thank you for sending this one in and here's the obligatory but still wholly genuine apology--I am so sorry that this has taken me so long! A lot of the time things get buried in my inbox and that fact in combination with a bad record with object permanence usually go together in a rather inefficient way. Life has also just kind of done it's thing and demotivation has kind of kicked me in the back a little bit. While it sucks that I can't say that super long wait times for requests are out of the norm, I hope this one was worth the wait!!

Fic type- this is super fluffy!

Warnings- kissing happens a lot and sex is passively mentioned once. This fic is also edited but I've been awake for eleven hours and had written it while awake for something like fourteen so the editing might be a bit off regardless--I apologize if it is and if it is, please feel free to let me know and I'll fix it right up!!

In the week or so leading up to the proposal, Mark was doing everything he could to make it seem like nothing special was happening on the getaway he'd planned for the two of you that weekend.

You both worked in the precinct but in different areas--Mark was a detective and you worked with the CSI team--so keeping the news from spreading really wasn't all that difficult.

Perez and Strahm had been the only ones who knew a lick of Marks plan, and while Strahm had asked him teasing questions about the ring and the plan for the proposal with a shit-eating grin on his face, Perez seemed genuinely happy for him. She asked about the location and if he'd written some big, sappy speech, reminded him to make sure that all of the camera angles would be perfect and not unflattering, jokingly asked if she was invited and told him to ease up on the coffee during the week before the getaway as too much of it could cause jitters.

So then the weekend came and you and Mark drove to a cottage that had previously been owned by Marks parents in the outskirts of the city. They'd given it to him but he'd never had much cause to use it before that weekend, and he was glad to see that it was just as nice as it had been when he'd last seen it.

You settled in, objecting to spend that Friday night in nothing more than a pair of boxers and one of Marks old NJPD sweaters, hugging him from behind as he made dinner and you talked about anything except for work because of how exhaustive talking and thinking about work had become after how long that week had felt.

Mark was trying to search for the time to do it--the ring was in the pocket of his sweatpants, and you'd discussed proposals before anyway so he knew there was no big expectation to do it somewhere good or while wearing anything exceptional. Your plan for that weekend was mostly just to eat good food and have good sex and Mark had honestly planned to do the proposal somewhere after you'd accomplished both of those goals.

But, on a Friday night somewhere in December of the year 2004, your lips are pressing against the back of Marks shoulder and he can feel them spread out in a grin as your hands move to his hips, and you've been together for a decade and Mark is wondering why he didn't propose sooner.

"I love you," you whisper against the skin of his neck, laughing a little as you watch Mark brace himself by pressing his palms into the granite countertops.

"Will you marry me?"

Mark kind of hates the way it comes out--he wanted to at least have it somewhat planned before he popped the big question, not say it over a pan of onions that were in the process of caramelizing while the sky displays the dark of a Decembers four o'clock. He wanted to look at you while he asked, get down on one knee and at least try to do the old fashioned stuff.

"What?" You ask, laughing a bit more. "Mark Hoffman, are you playing some kind of cruel joke on me? I like it when you get funny but not like this."

"No," Mark rushes the words out. "No! I'm being serious--I swear I meant for it to be less spontaneous than this but your fucking lips--I wanna get married to you. I have a ring and everything, but you kissed me and you know how I'll get when you kiss me the right way. I promise I meant to propose in a more serious way, all right? Not while you're in one of my NJPD sweaters from when we first started dating and a pair of boxers I bought you for christmas so that you'd stop stealing mine to wear as shorts."

You let him go, step away.

"Well, if you're so serious about doing it properly, I invite you to go ahead," you're grinning, and Mark wants to kiss it off your face more than anything, but he doesn't. Instead, the cook in him turns to the pan as you take his hand in yours and interlace your fingers.

"The onions might burn--"

"They'll be fine without your eyes for a sec," your grin widens. "Mark--I appreciate that you proposed the way you did but if you're gonna make a stink about not being able to propose all proper and gentlemanly, then I invite you to do so. I promise I won't change my answer."

Mark snorts, gets down on one knee and pulls out the ring.

"Perez told me that a big, soppy speech would make you more likely to say yes but I never believed that," he takes a breath in. "I just want to emphasize that, well--we've been together for ten years now and I've wanted to marry you for at least four but work has been so busy that I haven't really gotten the chance to do it. I love you, Y/N, and that is why I'm doing this and why I was so hellbent upon doing it right."

"Yes," you blurt, grinning like an idiot.

Mark scoffs, laugh falling from his lips. "You made a stink about me making a stink about proposing wrong, and you've answered before I even asked!"

You laugh, covering your smile with your hand. Mark feels the urge to pull your hand away but doesn't, instead lets himself smile so hard that it hurts.

"Will you marry me?" He asks. "Will you make me the happiest guy in the history of the--well--ever, and marry me, Y/N L/N?"

"Mhm," you hum, nodding quickly. "Yeah, Mark Hoffman. Absolutely."

Mark rises, slips the ring onto your finger and hums as he pulls you into a tender kiss, palms resting on your elbows as he presses you lightly against the fridge.

You pull away, and both of you are grinning like idiots but that doesn't really matter.

What matters to you is the fact that Mark has just proposed, and you've accepted, which means that you're engaged. That fact alone is enough to make you elated, and such is what you feel as you go back to your previous position, Mark watching the onions and occasionally stirring while you hug him from behind, hands on his hips as your lips rest against the back of his shoulder.

Mark is grinning at the onions, just as elated as you. It is the perfect ending to a perfect night.

[fitgothgirl]

[Just sorting some thoughts about barbacking/bartending as a second job]

Ever since I refreshed my resume and printed out some copies to go give out at bars, I haven't done anything with them; they're still just sitting in my drawer. I often think about how I should make a plan to go out and apply but I haven't been able to follow through (and btw, going out in-person and giving someone my physical resume, and even being ready to possibly do a working interview, is the way to go for this type of job - at least with the types of bars I'd want to work at; not looking for chains like Dave & Busters and whatnot).

But yeah I'm honestly nervous for a few reasons... For one, just the putting yourself out there part. 😅 Two, getting a second job as an actual employee, as opposed to Doordash, is a much more of a commitment. I can't just decide to not work one day. I'm sure that at times I'm going to have to work when I feel shitty. I'm going to struggle to get dates off that I want, and I'll likely be most in-demand on the days I have off from my regular job (the weekend, holidays). Etc. Plus the whole "second" job thing in the first place... But my situation is what it is. And not only is it a commitment, but three, I'd be going back to a service job for the first time since I graduated college, i.e. 7 years ago. I did do admin/front desk stuff at the physical therapy place, but that's pretty different. But in my teens and early 20s, I did 10 years of jobs in food service and retail, so I definitely remember a lot of what the deal is. I know there are things I enjoyed and even miss about it, but I definitely remember the stressors and tribulations too. But at the same time, four, I feel like working at a bar is getting into a slightly different/adjacent industry; it's on another level than just "food service" and there's definitely going to be a learning curve, especially if I'm wanting to eventually bartend. (🤑) Not to mention that regardless, it's been 7 years since I've done a service job in the first place, and I'm sure things work differently overall now. Also part of the adjustment would be that five - even if I just work 1 or 2 days a week, the hours will be late. I don't mind being up late, but I know I'll have to take it into consideration with my day job and everything. Even if I work Friday/Saturday night, it'll still affect my sleep.

I'm not trying to talk myself out of it, I swear lol. In fact it's kind of a testament to me legitimately being drawn to this industry, but not even because I like to drink (regardless, I can't imagine doing a fast-paced/flow job like this with even a buzz); like I said there are things about the service industry I miss, like how good it feels at the end of of a shift from a physical job. I really feel like I worked. And it can be fun a lot of the time too; it's overall more casual and light-hearted. Etc. I've just always been interesting this type of job. I love watching Bar Rescue lol, which definitely shows a range of situations.... I love the thought of learning cocktails and how to pour (and maybe some cool moves? lmao) - just general mixology. I love the energy of the environment and the vibes, I really feel like I soak it up even though I'm definitely an introvert; high-energy environments like that can be like a stimulant for me (up to a point of course). I love the fact that it's an adults-only activity to let loose - exactly the things you're not supposed to talk about at "regular" jobs or even pretend you don't do lol. I love the thought of getting to just be myself and not worrying about being all proper/professional in most ways.

Aafs;ldjk;asjfkajsd. Just letting the thoughts flow right now, not trying to come to any sort of conclusion.

My car's registration is due the day after tomorrow and boy that is a great reminder for all of this lol......

[gotham-daydreams]

I genuinely don’t want to pressure you or anything but I’m genuinely in ducking love with your series sooo, would you feel comfortable with say when do you think the third part will be published? If not then don’t worry no pressure of course

But like I would we spiteful and petty towards my family if they neglected me like that, to be honest I am if they tell me that they will come to my rehearsal of competition and then get there late or at all because something happened (they don’t do that often but it happens) and when it’s time for somethings they they want, are excited for ect I do everything I can so that they have to wait for me😁

Ps. English isn’t my first language so sorry for any mistakes

Honestly, fair enough! And I'm glad you're enjoying the series!

I love all these asks and such that mention how petty they are/would be in the reader's situation, and I just glance at what I have for part 3 and what I'm planning to write for it, and just have a little laugh. Which I do mean in a good way!

Spite and petty are valid responses, and while I don't want to say much I will say that the reader is reasonably upset about a few things, but maybe will be a little too 'nice' considering things 😅. One of those things being a "after all this time and effort, now you show up?" type deal.

Also, don't worry! You write well, and I understand what you're taking about.

As for when Part 3 will be posted? I'm not entirely sure because I do have some things to deal with in life first, and I don't want to put a set date on it- however! It'll most likely be posted this week/weekend.

Also, on the topic of that a little- for those who have posted asks and such unrelated to the "Not [ ]" series, I do see them! And I am working on them as well! I'm just prioritizing writing part 3 at the moment, but am working on responses on the side :]

[hippolotamus]

Weekend WIP Game

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more).

Tagged by the lovely and talented @welcometololaland @jesuisici33 @wikiangela @daffi-990 @thewolvesof1998 @pirrusstuff @your-catfish-friend Thank you friends 😘

1. WIP List:

Honey when you call my name (Buddie)

you’re where I wanna go (Buddie)

The darkest fairytale (Buddie)

come close (let me be home) (Buddie)

run to the water (and find me there) (Buddie)

With my heart in my lap (Twylexis)

If you like Fashion & Baseball (David/Patrick)

I light the match to taste the heat (Buddie)

printer!Buck (buddie)

Untitled (original work)

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest?

you're where I wanna go at 18.7k and no end in sight

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest?

Excellent question. I honestly don't know between you're where I wanna go, with my heart in my lap and the original work. Two of them are historical AUs with separated lovers so.... could be a bit

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

TBH whichever one is giving me the least trouble lol Although I've been excited for you're where I wanna go for a really long time (it's over a year in the making) so probably that one. I love researching the details and really leaning into the feels.

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

The Darkest Fairytale because it involves magical elements and I've never written anything like that before.

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

The Darkest Fairytale for the reasons listed above but also the original work. I plan on putting that one out as my first book (!) and that's scary AF.

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why? All of them. Unless I'm doing a super quick prompt I get at least one other person to beta read all my stuff. Extra eyeballs is never a bad thing.

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block? Of course! So I bounce around to whatever's working for me. And if they're all being stubborn I take that as a sign to rest a bit (even if it's frustrating as hell).

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them? Hmmmm, I'm not really sure yet. Of course the original work will be 100% OCs so I guess that one. They don't have names yet, or even that many details. The main character is a recently single woman who has always been attached in some way. So she finally has this chance to figure out what she likes and have a bit of fun. And then she meets a younger woman, they have fun together and it starts to turn into more than just a good time. Our MC gets spooked because she doesn't think she's ready or capable of doing that again just yet. Anway, I think they'll be an interesting dynamic to explore.

10. Which WIP is the sexiest? Honey when you call my name or I light the match. I guess it depends on your definition of sexy? The former explores Buddie after Eddie witnesses the Buck/Lucy kiss in 5x11. The latter explores Buck having a day he needs to get out of his head and Eddie knowing just how to handle that 😉

11. Which WIP is the angstiest? I think you're where I wanna go or with my heart in my lap for different but kinda similar reasons. In both cases the lovers are separated for years and having to deal with that in their own way as they continue to live their lives without their other half.

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)? Maybe just because I'm so partial to it but I'm going to say you're where I wanna go. Also because I'll get to explore the personalities of familiar characters across decades of their lives.

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)? So far come close (let me be home) since it's seen the characters in more detailed locations so far. But honestly I think it'll be a toss up between this one, you're where I wanna go, and with my heart in my lap.

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on? Any of the historical AUs. I need to know that I'm representing the time periods accurately. Even if no one else knows I'll know and it will bother me.

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why? I'm going to guess the smutty ones because they tend to do best generally. I'll want all of them to do well but it will hurt more for the historical ones if they don't. Mostly because I'm most passionate about them and will want everyone to be as excited as I am 🙃

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs? Not yet.

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't? run to the water and the darkest fairytale have the magical elements that I'm not as familiar with. Printer!Buck is going to require a ton of research around old school printing techniques as well.

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour? None of them are particularly humorous but maybe come close (let me be home). It's a Bridgerton AU so there will be a lot of sniping and antagonizing between Buck and Eddie. And Chim will be a heavily featured character so you know he always brings the jokes to any piece.

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process? Not so far, and I'm not sure if I'll explore that at all.

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs. run to the water (and find me there) started as a 'message in a bottle' prompt that was just supposed to be a quick little thing. As I was writing my brain said hey, what if Buck was a merperson??? and it's growing to be a whole lot more (because of course it is).

no pressure tagging @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @stereopticons @giddyupbuck @disasterbuckdiaz @forthewolves @watchyourbuck @ladydorian05 @buddierights @heartshapedvows and anyone else I regularly tag/who wants to play

[awalkoflife]

@heroexxs / closed starter !

"hey d, do you have a second ?" she's stopped by the club after a twelve hour shift in the E.R. and although this is the last place she wants to be, there's a matter that needs resolving. "i know you asked me if i could work tomorrow night, but one of my attendings is operating on a patient from arkham. he's performing an extended bifrontal craniotomy and he wants me to assist." it's an opportunity that she can't miss out on, especially when she's still deciding what surgical field she wants to specialise in. "i've no clients scheduled so... do you think it'll be okay if i switch my shift to this weekend instead? it's a huge deal and honestly, i've been working my ass off to earn some O.R. time." she adds, hoping he'll be understanding about it. as well as being her boss, he's her friend, a good one. someone she trusts, both personally and professionally. "i'll even buy you dinner tonight, to bribe my way out of this, if you're finishing up here soon? we could grab takeout? your choice of cuisine. maybe take it back to my apartment?"

[scenetocause]

Hello Emptyhalf! Do you have a name? Or should we just call you Emptyhalf? I have a request which is Max going back to racing and Lando supporting him, please

i do it is cassian. me 🤝 lando accidental star wars naming. (it means hollow)

this is nearly angst, by my standards

It's not that he doesn't want anyone to know. He is going to tell people - he's gonna do a stream or something, afterwards. Look at the highlights, talk about what it was like to go back. If it, y'know, goes well.

Max is trying very hard not to curse things by thinking about what he'll do if it doesn't. The urge not to stream would be very strong but maybe. That shouldn't be how it is this time. He wants to think if he's dogshit and a second off he'll do something fun and talk about how getting back in the wagon was a challenge and maybe get Ria or someone to join him on stream so he's not just chatting by himself and it'd be alright.

If it goes wrong, he can laugh it off. He can go back to what he was doing or even try again and maybe it'll go right or maybe that'll be the message he needs that-

His mind shuts like a shark's jaws on the words could be the end of him racing. It's not even thinkable.

And ok, yes, he didn't tell Lando but Lando's busy and Max sorted this out for himself. Well, Veloce helped him, obviously but he didn't get it via Lando, it's not about anything to do with that. And it's just touring cars, might only be one weekend if he can't get it together so no one really needs to know anything about it.

He could renew his race license on his own, except it turns out Callum sorted that for him. And then there's a little - it's not a Veloce team but on the day, there's a bunch of them there.

They're all ex-drivers. He doesn't like to think about whether they find him relatable or enviable, still in that maybe zone.

He's not used to the car, hasn't had any testing time. Tries to keep out the way, most of all, in practice; if F3 had seemed like the wild west at times, with thirty idiots screaming round Spa then twenty tin tops round Oulton, at barely two thirds of the track length, is Arkham Asylum or something.

The little Honda hums under his fingers and feet, though. He can smell tyre smoke as he hangs onto it round a corner, feel the drop in his stomach on the straights and if it's nowhere near single seaters then that doesn't matter, it's still racing.

He's not 100% sure what he's doing, in race one. Down to where he's even trying to go to or from, relieved to still be in a support paddock before the main BTCC boys and girls go out but it's still all unfamiliar. Watching the GB4 race feels odd, wondering how many of them will make it much further up the ladder.

The race suit he's got on is pretty much sponsor-free. There's a Veloce management logo, the team and his name. Plain grey, without time to do anything else but it's also reassuringly anonymous. If anyone's noticed an M. Fewtrell on the timing boards they haven't blown his Twitter or Instagram up about it.

He's in the points at the end of the first race. Which isn't - something curls, somewhere in his guts. Some old, hurt thing that wants to say something like oh now it all comes together or something stupid like that because obviously not. This is different, he's different.

This is where he's at. Not what he's good enough for. That's not how this works.

On the Sunday it's sunny, he feels good, chatting with his mechanics. They're relieved he hasn't binned the car, half the rest of the field up late at night stitching bodywork back together with cable ties and trying to force bent axles back into a line. He's, honestly, also relieved, just hopes he can keep it up.

There's a part of him that feels like he's still a racing driver, that might have been missing since before 2020.

The second race plays out all weird. There's tyre management, then there isn't and there's a safety car and his radio breaks, so he's so focussed on trying not to miss a yellow flag or throw it into the gravel he doesn't really clock where he's finished until he crosses the flag and realises it's third.

It. He's not embarrassed but this does mean people are going to have to see him. And logically, most of them won't know who he is so that's ok and anyway, he's got a podium so hell yes, they should see him but it's still. The old thing in his guts squirms like it's going to make him throw up.

Parc Ferme is different when you've got to get the cars back to - wherever and then take them all to. Max has literally no fucking idea what he's doing. Just accepts the hug from Big Rob, the mechanic who's the first to grab him out the car.

There's some gruff, Northern congratulations in his ear and he gets picked straight off his feet before Rob plonks him back down slightly too hard and says "'Ere, yeh've got a visiter," gesturing with his thumb.

Max peers round, assuming it's Callum - maybe trying to get a photo or something, Veloce like celebrating when anyone does something good even if it's disturbing to think about himself in the same breath as Jev.

It's not Callum. Callum would not wear thermals, a hoodie and a gigantic coat, it's fucking April for god's sake.

He's frozen. If the idea of being seen on the podium was kind of embarrassing then this is just straight up getting caught.

Lando hugs him anyway, hood up so probably no one can tell it's him. Hisses "Congratulations, bitch" before Max is whisked away to the podium.

In the car home Lando strokes his champagne-dank hair, both of them in the backseat while Theo's yelling at them not to start making out. (Max had wondered who Lando'd got to drive him for as long as it took him to get back to his garage)

Max can't look Lando in the face, even with his arm around him. It feels a bit like he's going to start crying if he tries to explain it, which would be even more cringe than it all already was.

Instead Lando smushes his somehow-cold nose onto Max's neck, limpets onto him and says "So I've been working on some more Quadrant helmet designs for you," tongue darting out of his mouth to lick the skin over Max's throat.

[an-abyss-of-stars]

Something I haven't done in AGESS, is give y'all some fic updates!!

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I'm going in order of what's being worked on the most at the moment!

✵It's Visceral And It's Cruel✵

So I've been working on chapter 5 for the past couple of weeks here and there, but I've really tried to buckle down this week and I'm actually about halfway through it! Since the next couple chapters are already pre-planned out, I've got my list of plot points/scenes that I know need to be included per chapter. This chapter has 6 plot points/scenes and I'm planning on finishing off the 2nd scene and moving on to the 3rd today! Fingers crossed honestly, but Y'ALL I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS CHAPTER!! A lot is going to happen, and while it won't all be particularly Rhaemond based, I think it'll be super interesting! A lot of things will be set into motion and there's going to be some super tense and interactions between our big name characters!

Release date: TBD (I would LOVEEE to work all through my weekend to get this out by then, but we'll see, I won't promise that now tho)

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❤️‍🔥Burnt Over And Over Again❤️‍🔥

OOOOOooooo this fic has a chokehold over me right now!! Likeee, chapter 5 has ALOT planned for it. It's going to be a pretty long one in comparison to the other relatively short chapters! Last chapter had Aemond tracking Rhaena down in Venice and it was so tense and sexual, just imagine that energy multiplied for this next chapter!! The ✨DRAMAAAAA✨ I'd say I'm about a quarter of the way through, there's an argument/conversation they needed to have at the start of this chapter that was really giving me trouble, but once I worked through it, things were flowing a lot easier!

Release date: TBD (there's still a lot left to write, but who knows, maybe the inspiration will hit me this weekend)

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💝Coffee, Tea, Muffins and Nibbles 💝

I.e. Early One Morning Part 2

So technically this is a pretty direct sequel to Early One Morning, and if you've read that, then this literally takes place that very same morning 😂😂 except it's ✨ Breakfast Time✨ now. I've actually got this entire thing written out, back when Early One Morning was going to be one big one-shot, I'd already written this scene as the next scene after the kids joined Rhaena and Aemond in bed. So technically, all I need to do is spruce it up a little and then edit it and it's done! Thinking about it now, I think I might try and finish this one up as soon as possible so maybe it can go up by Thursday or Friday...maybe even tonight, but we'll see.

Release date: (Hopefully) Thursday OR Friday!

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☾ He Saw Her At Daybreak ☾

Oh fuck...here go 😭😭😭

Y'all... there's only so many times I can be sorry about the delay with this ONEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Remember the good ol' days when I used to just drop a chapter a week 🤣🤣🤣 like spontaneously it was all flowing! But not any more it seems. Again, honestly, I think you all know the issue by now. It's editing and reworking it 😂😂 which might have actually been done by now if I could find the will to return to that 30k doc 🤣😭 All things aside tho! Like don't worry, EVENTUALLY this will come out and hopefully my readers still care about it when I finally do😂😂 I'm not planning on discontinuing or abandoning it, I've got too much planned for this smutty fic to just let it go 😂 too much planned for the futures of all of their babies and the family at large 😂

Release date: TBD (Eventually 😂)

[lennadanvers]

Begging with everything I've got for a new Simon Riley fic I genuinely do not think I can last much longer (no pressure though)

Hi! Honestly, uni has been killing me lately, and it doesn't look like it'll get easier any time soon.

However, I really miss writing. So maybe I'll try to make some time this weekend to write something. Can't promise it'll be long or good, though.

Also, I have a lot of asks I want to reply to (I read and love all of them, and it makes me feel all important that you guys are writing to little ol' me). So maybe I'll do that first. I just have to force my brain to work (so far it's been putting up a fight, but I'll do my best).

Hopefully we'll both make it to the weekend. I have faith in us🫡💖

[vtoriacore-rbs]

tw. ed + whatever the fuck is wrong w me in general. id actually advise against reading this but this helps get things off my chest.

me slipping back into old ed habits bc my intrusive thoughts actually ended up triggering me 💀💀💀 i went on a 2 day fast and only had mineral water and i feel both proud and horrified that ive allowed myself to do that so now im eating healthy things to kinda make up for it but anyways i weighed myself too even tho i said i wouldn't. like i know i shouldn't feel happy over the fact i starved and weakened my body on purpose but it feels nice to stick to something and actually have some discipline back in my life.

had a breakdown too earlier for no reason (altho im on my period so maybe that's why, fuck you uterus btw there is no us only u someone remove this thing PLEASE). like bro some bitch in college also was telling me how she was losing weight and she deadass told me that my ribcage sticking out was so aesthetic and it just enabled me, we only spoke 3 times before that and im pretty sure she has an ed too bc she kept trying to get my measurements??? she also said she'd sacrifice two of her ribs to get a waist like mine and i know she meant it as a compliment but i wanted to cry and felt low-key ashamed like i hate when people point out my physical appearance and i was stretching i didn't even mean for my shirt to go higher up it was so uncomfy. it's weird tho cause when i starve myself i feel happy abt it but when other people point it out and praise me for it i get really mad. maybe it's bc i discourage eds and im very pro-recovery but anyways that was a weird comment™ i think it played into the breakdown. she tried grabbing my wrist several times and i told her to stop trying to touch me but she wouldn't stop either and was like "just for a second please" like i felt so icky bc of that too like bitch hands off before i retaliate <3 so yeah now im trying to eat again but honestly i feel like im gonna throw up bc i didn't eat for 2 days lmao and the entire day today i felt so dizzy. like yesterday was fine but today ?? no. my muscles hurt so bad so im gonna have a 50g protein shake too ugh im so tired. gonna try get up to 1000 kcal at least and make the deficit up over the weekend bc my stomach physically hurts when i try to eat (but this strawberry yogurt bangs even tho im half full already).

ive been slipping back into an ed mindset over the last month tho even with my binges and i just wanna look ill enough for one of my doctors finally tell me im underweight enough they didn't even acknowledge i was severely underweight 3-4 years ago that felt so humiliating and now im thinking along the lines of "i need to be a better anorexic" even tho its fucked up and like im trying to just snap myself out of this mindset but it's not working so im gonna have to get a therapist potentially. bc i don't want my organs and bones failing but at the same time, i wanna make sure doctors take me seriously this time and maybe it'll be a fucking reminder to take eds seriously. it actually pisses me off hos insensitive some doctors are about eds and the fact they indirectly fucking allow it sometimes too like. just bc im not in a critical condition and only like 3/4kgs underweight doesn't mean i don't have an ed or that it isn't "severe enough" smh this annoys me so much.

if you read it up to here don't worry ill be fine, a bitch always pulls thru and these are just momentary lapses in judgement im not letting mental illness win im too fucking good for this (<- motivating myself kinda feel better after writing this NGL).

[snootlestheangel]

Actually so indescribably pissed off right now it's unbelievable

Not even going into the shit show that happened at work after lunch (which involved me nearly losing my cool on a coworker in front of a visitor)

So, backstory before this rant.

My cat had to be put down in September. It was one of the hardest things in my life, and one of the worst days. It still hurts me how much I miss him, I still cry so hard sometimes because I looked down the stairs expecting to see him only to remember that he's gone. I'm fucking struggling to keep it together even thinking about when we lost him.

And I have always said, that when I'm ready, I want a cat. One of my own, one that'll be my cat. And i said that when I'm ready might be when I end up going to school out-of-state next year.

I am not currently ready for another cat. I joke a lot about "oh I would take you home in an instant" to a lot of cats at work, but I never really mean it. I never really mean it because I'm not ready.

And I'm grateful that my dad is adamant we're never getting another cat. Except, my little sister, my little spoiled rotten can throw a fit when she doesn't get what she wants 17 year old sister, keeps complaining she wants a kitten.

But today, after the shit show at work, when my little sister came home, she asked if we had kittens/older cats at work right now. I said "no kittens but maybe some younger cats. We actually really don't have a lot of cats right now"

To which I then added, "You're not getting a cat so it shouldn't matter"

To which I found out she had talked to Dad today about getting a kitten while I was at work. Ya know, because it's not like I was already struggling with working weekends while living with family because none of them do.

And I swear to fucking God, if she gets a fucking cat I'm throwing a tantrum so awful it'll put IPad toddlers to shame. I can't describe in words right now how unfairly spoiled rotten this kid is, but just trust me

She threw a fit last week (like slamming doors and screaming) because her fucking cheese sauce was missing from the food she and her boyfriend ordered.

If she gets a fucking cat and my parents don't discuss it with my brother and I first, I'm gonna lose my damn mind. I'm just so enraged at this idea right now it's honestly shocking.

I love my parents, I really do. I think in the parent department I got really lucky. I have a good relationship with them, and especially with my baby nephew on the way, I'm really trying to keep things good between us.

But if she gets a cat and I'm not talked to about it, and they go and do it at my place of work while I'm not working the main location, I'm gonna lose my mind.

I hate to even think about what I'll do if this happens. I love my parents, and I don't want to hurt them, but if they do this, holy shit-

[ussjellyfish]

We got 6in/15cm then 14in/35 cm of snow right after each other, which is a lot, and it took some digging out, so there hasn't been school since Tuesday. We had online school, but that's exhausting and pointless. Felix can't go to daycare if I can't drive there, so he's been home, which he doesn't really mind. I think he misses his friends and activities, but...he's a sweetie. He likes google meets.

It's been a lot. I've had a headache since Wednesday too, which is annyoing. I'm pretty sure it's a migraine, it was worse for two days, it's different today, so it might be more of a ending kind of thing? it's a lot. I will ask my GP when I go in, but my appoitnment was supposed to be Thrusday and...that didn't happen. Thanks snow. I'll try again. I'm not sure how much they can even do for migraines. Other peoople I know who have them just...have them, and meds. MAybe the meds are good.

On a normal workday I really just have to make dinner, but we're home so it's breakfast lunch and dinner and entertain Felix and my dad is a lot and it's just...constant.

Like I got to be alone long enough to shovel out the car, drive the car to the big parking structure downtown, take transit back to the house. I'll have to go get it after breakfast tomorrow. Then grovery shopping and standard weekend and...

I can't even take a nap when he's home because he doesn't nap and he has to be entertained and he will snuggle up and watch part of a movie but he wants me to be awake. He has opinions and he likes to act it out and run around, which is adorable, but it's really hard when my head hurts.

I aalso don't parent well when this happens. I don't read to him enough or come up with enough ideas, and I have to start things before he'll do it. He's too little to decide "oh I want to color" so I have to start coloring and color with him, and he's too little to want to paint, so if I want him to paint, I have to start it. There are too many toys and some I should get rid of because he really doesn't play with them. He likes scaarbes and running around. Again, this is great, he's great. I'm not doing the best job.

It's the out of spoons wall again. On the upside, it's not a "oh I'm out of spoons for fic, because I did get some of that done, but it's a definite out of spoons for my life. (great).

But it'll be all right. We caan go places and I'll figure out something it's just so much starting and responsibility. Like... dad doesn't do chores unless I start them. He'll load and unload the dishwasher, but I have to feed him and Felix and decide what we're going to do, and balance if Felix is annoying him and try to come up with food both of them will eat.

and I don't want to. Feeding Felix is fine, and I love him, and he's honestly a pretty easy kid. I fail him so much more than he does anything. He's going through a "oh I'm not hungry" phase which leads to losing it, because not eating is bad for tiny humans but he doesn't get why.

and it's one thing if he's having a tantrum and I have to deal with it, and I usually do okay. It's weird when we're being watched, or dad wants to be involved, because it's not...it's not helpful. I'm not sure what would be helpful, but having this other parasitic adult around isn't it.

I expect the constant caring for Felix, he's 4. It's hard when it's another adult. There's no reciprocation. It's just... "your coffee is on the counter" "you haven't showered" "I thought you were going too..."

I'll get it. I'll do it. stop needing things from me. (even input, because I have to constantly do...things and say things and comment on things and I already am at my maximum of giving.

I think it would be less if some things were different. Snow days witout work or no migraine or like...dad went somewhere. He doesn't leave the apartment unless it's a medical appointment, and he really doesn't have enough of those. I don't think he realizes how nice it would be just to sit in silence.

I can kind of get it at 3am, but I pay for it the next day.

[eldrichfuck666]

OLYAAA!!! Hiii, hellooo! 🫶🏻 3, 13, 22 & 23 for the ask game

Ah, hello! :') I hope you're having a really good night! 💕 Thank you for sending the ones I wanted to answer the most - I don't know how you do this every time, but thanks for reading my mind XD 💖🥺 And thank you soooo much for brightening my loneliness :')

3 - hoodies or denim jackets?

Honestly, neither. I don't wear any of these — and hate both with passion, because I feel really uncomfortable in hoodies & both denim jackets. I'm mostly a classic jacket or coat or even woolen cardigan person — for some reason I can't wear any of these, they trigger so much sensitivity :'< And I also don't like how they look - too... modern for me, I guess?

13 - coffee or tea?

Tea. I drink like 10 cups of sweet tea every day & also drink TOO MUCH herbal tea (maybe, it's because of my russian part of the soul — russians truly adore their tea, and so am I), although I work in cafe and sometimes replace baristas if they can't work — I also took multiple courses, so I can say I'm an experienced barista, SO I ALSO DRINK TOO MUCH coffee and mostly adore Hawaiian Kona coffee beans, but also can NEVER say no to latte. I love rich and light flavors, but if I had to pick — it'll be tea. Listen, I just drank 3 cups of tea like 10 minutes ago... At this point, tea (especially with raspberry) is a juice of life for me.

22 - morning person or night owl?

Despite of my job, I'm a night owl — on weekends I don't sleep until the sun rays touch my face though the open curtains (yes, I don't close curtains at night.. that's why I'm shaking like a leaf when I listen to horror podcasts at night, being frightened by the only thought of something looking at me from the window. I'm afraid of the dark, but on the other hand, night and darkness seem to be like... my family — as if I and the shadows wandering from the dark corner to dark corner of my moonlit apartment are of the same nature. I felt like that since my childhood. I feel comfortable seeing the shadowy figures lurking in the dark, or seeing something with my peripheral vision. Night is my soulmate, as well as the darkness.

23 - dark or brightly coloured clothes?

Brightly coloured. It may be a huge contrast, but I'm a maximalist in real life — my closet have 0% black coloured clothes, I wear only loud and vibrant colours, although at that period of time I find myself mostly wearing green.

[dark9896]

Flufftober 2023

Day 31: Late Night Phone Call [x Zapp]

As much as Zapp didn't want to admit it, he missed you. It wasn't fair that you had business trips without him being able to tag along. It wasn't like he couldn't find someone else to occupy his time, but he didn't want someone else.

He wanted you.

But he knew that as long as he pouted, nothing would ever come of this. Zapp had to do something if he really wanted to be with you... or at least hear your voice. Maybe a video chat, he really wanted to see you after all.

But it was probably really late for you, or you were still in some kind of meeting. Despite wanting to call you, Zapp didn't want to risk you losing your job. He knew how much it meant to you, and as much of a jerk as he usually is...

Zapp couldn't deny how much he cared about you. Actually wanting someone else's happiness was so weird for him.

Hey sexy when's a good time to call I miss you

Shooting a text couldn't hut, right? That's what it's for after all.

Why don't you use punctuation?

I dunno answer the question tho

I'm almost to the hotel. Another ten minutes and I'll be able to talk without anyone else eavesdropping k?

Hell yeah why don't you just call me then sexy I'll be waiting

You sighed and rolled your eyes. Even though you were used to Zapp's lack of punctuation and general neediness, it could get on your nerves from time to time. This was one of those times where it only half got on your nerves. If only because you had to decipher what he was trying to say after a brain-frying meeting.

But this was something you could look forward to.

Throwing caution to the wind, you dialed Zapp's number as soon as you entered the room. Knowing that you'd have to change and cook and that you needed a shower while you were on the phone. And knowing that Zapp likely wouldn't want you to hang up just to shower; he was a stubborn man, things would likely get very heated by that point.

"Hey sexy." You weren't kept waiting, "Sup? How's the sh^t going over there?"

Chuckling through your nose, "Everything's fine for now. Just got one last meeting tomorrow and I'll be headed back to Hellsalem's Lot by the weekend."

"F^%k yeah, that's what I like to hear." Zapp couldn't help himself, laying in bed while talking, "How many people have been eyeing you over hotness? Do I need to show up and tell them you're mine?"

"No Zapp. No random cross-country trips for you." You shook your head, "I haven't been keeping up with if people look at me and no one's said anything even remotely suggestive to me so there's no need for you to get involved."

"If you say so sexy. But you best believe Imma be all over you the second you get back."

"Oh really?" You decided to prolong the inevitable by cooking first, "You honestly think that'll work?"

"Oh I know it'll work." Zapp sat up, his competitive nature activated, "Cause I ain't letting up until you're begging for more."

"You always say that though. What'll make this time any different?"

"This time Imma have a secret weapon. And I won't hesitate to use it."

"Is that so? We'll have to see if it works in your favor then hon." You teased, "Cause I dunno if you got the guts to pull it off."

You had to hold your phone out, giggling as Zapp ranted. He was more than determined enough to try and persuade you. Even now, he was making arguments for why you should come back home and let him show you what he'll do.

And you were so glad you waited until you were alone for this conversation...

[creativewritingpgo191]

Chapter 4

Amanda and I went to the school campus, as we thought it was very likely that we could find it there since the school is open on weekends for sports, academic, and recreational workshops. Amanda stayed outside to see if she could remember anything that might help us find the necklace or if she could contact someone from her phone. Upon arriving at the campus, I approached the Math Club room, nervous but convinced that Nerdy Guy, the brightest student in class, might hold the key to finding my lost necklace. He has a prodigious memory. If anyone saw something, it had to be him. But as I entered, I found a group of geniuses surrounded by chalkboards filled with equations that looked like spells. At the front, the math teacher gave me an enthusiastic smile, with that mad scientist expression he always had. "Perfect! Just what we needed," he exclaimed. "Another brain for the final round of the logic tournament! You're just in time!" I looked behind me, confused, hoping he was talking to someone else. "Huh? No, no… I just came to…" Nerdy Guy looked up from his papers, surprised to see me there. "Oh, what are you doing here?" he asked, frowning. "I need your help with something… but it sounds like you're already busy," I said, glancing at all the club members who were deeply engrossed in their work. "Yes, we're in the final round of the logic tournament," he said, still frowning. "If you're interested… you can give us a hand, and then I'll listen to you." My spirit began to disintegrate little by little. This was not what I expected. I kepts getting myself in this kinds of situations and honestly, it was getting old. "No, no, I'm not… I'm not good at math, or logic, or anything that uses more than three brain cells," I quickly excused myself. Nerdy Guy let out a small laugh. "Don't worry, it's easy. Just follow the logical reasoning. If you do it right, it'll be a piece of cake." I sighed deeply and took the paper he offered me. Now I was trapped. "Piece of cake for you, maybe… for me, this is like trying to read Greek while juggling. But, oh well, I'll give it a shot." The logic problem seemed like something straight out of a science fiction novel. Something like: "If A gives an apple to B, but B never holds it, and C watches from a window without touching it… who has the apple?"

"What the heck…? Is this a joke? I didn’t come here to solve the mystery of the universe!" I muttered, panic-stricken. Around me, the other members of the math club were deeply focused, writing formulas and scribbling symbols as if they were summoning some magical creature. Meanwhile, I could only feel my brain trying to shut down. Nerdy Guy, visibly amused, leaned over my shoulder. "Relax, it’s just a matter of logic. Look, imagine A, B, and C are people at the party. If A saw B near the necklace, but B never touched it, then C is the one who has the necklace. Just follow the reasoning." I squinted, trying to process what he was telling me. "Okay… so… if A doesn’t have it, and B didn’t touch it, C has it. Sure. Super easy! This is… completely reasonable…" "Exactly! You’ve got it. Now write it down, and we’re good to go." Without understanding a thing, I wrote down what Nerdy Guy told me. Surprisingly, the teacher shouted in excitement. "We’ve got it!" he announced enthusiastically. "The team has won the logic tournament! Excellent work!" The rest of the team celebrated with hugs and triumphant shouts, while I just wanted to find a corner to faint in. My brain urgently needed a break. Nerdy Guy approached me, still smiling, but this time with a more relaxed expression. "Well, now that we’ve won, what did you want to ask me?" he said, somewhat curious. I gasped as if I had just run a marathon. "Finally… Okay, listen, did you see my necklace at the party? Gold, with a heart-shaped pendant." Nerdy Guy frowned again, but this time not in surprise, rather in concentration. "Wait… now that you mention it, yes. I saw it when you were on the balcony with Marcos. I think I saw it fall when you turned around quickly. I’m not sure who picked it up, but I saw someone else approach right after. I think you should talk to Marcos, as he was the last one who saw you up close and is most likely to know where your necklace is." I felt a mix of relief and nervousness. "Marcos?!" I stammered, feeling my stomach churn. "The guy I've been avoiding talking to since the party!" Nerdy Guy raised an eyebrow, curious. "Avoiding?" he asked, clearly amused. "Why?" "It's complicated," I murmured, biting my lip. "Let's just say the last thing I want is to have an awkward conversation with him after what happened… and now you're telling me he's the most likely one to have my necklace. Great!" He let out a small laugh. "Seems like you have more mysteries to solve besides math." I sighed, exasperated. "Yeah, but thanks to my great mathematical talent and unbeatable logic, we managed to solve the problem. I'd love to say this was fun, but my brain says otherwise," I responded, clearly sarcastic. "Well, whenever you want another intellectual challenge, you know where to find me. Math never rests," he said, still amused. I turned around, exhausted. "Neither do I after this hangover… neither do I."

[1d1195]

Girl you can’t help that you’re white it’s literally not your fault hahaha but THERES GROWTH! Very glad that you’ve grown to handle and appreciate a bit more spice because as a “picky” eater that’s like so good! And I love a good spicy Alfredo!

I LOVE the thanksgiving episode! It gave me so much more backstory about the characters and like I loved getting to know their lore lol BESTIE YOURE CARMY AND CLAIRE GIRL?!? Oh girl I’m team Sydney and Carmy😭 I’m not a Claire hater through! (Irl I love both of these actresses!)I was a Carmy hater though for a bit because what he did to her at the end was mean lol I honestly would love to see more of their chemistry together in the new season!

It’s understandable to be overwhelmed! I can imagine that no matter how long one’s been teaching it can be nerve wracking to start a new set of kids or just a different dynamic since it is summer school. Please be nice to yourself though! I’m sure those kids are so lucky to have you!

I’m hoping the finale isn’t horrible lol I need a win for you! And I would say go to the beach if you can! Maybe the vibe of it all can help a bit? Even if it’s like a walk and not a fully on relax at the beach thing! Either I hope you’ll have a little moment to yourself bestie💗-💜

I'm way less picky than I used to be but I def have a texture thing so it deters me from a lot of foods for sure.

I think I'm a Carmy and Claire girl because (as you can see by my writing) I think their history of being friends before he came back is like really cute or whatever y'know? If he ends up with Sydney I won't be mad either! I just think it will make the restaurant awk lolll

I just watched the first episode last night, I was genuinely confused 😂 I couldn't tell if he was having flashbacks or if he was leaving again. I understand some of it was his training but still. I could never work as a chef it seems. I would cry the second someone told me I was doing something wrong.

Thank you! You're very sweet. As you can see from my nonresponse here, I've been very anxious all week (still am). Once I get through Monday though, I think it'll be better. I'm the kind of person gets upset when I don't do something the right way even though I have never done it before 😅 I'll be alright, i just gotta be dramatic first.

The finale was NOT what I expected at all. I'm not mad at it but I don't think I would have ended it that way after all that. I see why they did it, it makes sense, but I would have done it differently I think.

I did end up going to the beach. It was nice. The day I went was a bit windy, but it was just nice to be there.

How was your week? Any weekend plans?

Thanks for being so nice and sweet as always! Love you!💕

xoxo

[hischierlovebot]

Right?! I loveee it! Hahah same girl same! Seems to be so 😂👌🏼

Guess some things just aren’t meant to be. I studied something completely different as well. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I know, makes me sound so old hahah but I was very young when I started and then just never quit. Awh thanks! I’m not good at it either but as long as you have fun it’s all good.

Goodie 😉. Yes just keep the faith! In the end things always have a way of working out.

Hahha omg the plane crash episode 😂 yeah I can see how that would be confusing. Yes there’s a lot of season but honesty’s the earlier ones up until like 7 or 8 are my favourites. Prime era, as with a lot of shows in my opinion. The earlier seasons is always where it’s at. Ah yeah I’ve heard a lot about orphan black but never watched it myself. Never heard of Fringe.

I did have a nice weekend, thanks! I hope you did too! My Monday was a typical Monday but we’ve made it haha.

The ‘I had you in my mind I hadn’t forgotten to reply’ tag just got me all 🥹

- 🫐

I guess they aren't! I might go back to uni and study some more once I forget the Experience tm that was studying there the first time but it still wouldn't be forensics or anything like it 😂 art history my beloved, may we reunite one day

Ballet I feel is one of those things you do for very little time or a lot ngl I "only" ended up doing for like 8 years, which was half my life at that point, and if I had continued I would be at 16 or so :') I think it's very cool when we can continue doing the things we love for a long time, having fun with things you enjoy for +20 is the dream honestly

It'll be a matter of carrying on doing it, no one will be as annoying as I will and maybe that will pay off 😎

My personal theory is that most shows should end after 5 seasons, 7 max for some of them, so I'm not surprised that's where the good things are! I will keep it in mind too, I need to pick another TV show I can have as background noise while I embroider or do something else 👀 Orphan black is really cool honestly, and Fringe is too, but I'm not surprised you don't know it, I feel like it was a very niche TV show that I probably shouldn't have been watching when I was 10 😂 it's half cop show half science fiction and it is very disgusting at times but it's so incredibly good, it's been my fave show since I watched it. It's not for everyone though but I managed to somehow get all my family on board 😂

I'm happy to hear that! A typical Monday is probably the best thing one can ask for ngl. I had a nice week and went with my sister on a trip so I wasn't too much on my phone but it was really fun ^^ do you have anything exciting coming up? ❤️