#maybe it's bc i just started my period or maybe it's bc im on the verge of my next breakdown but im struggling!!!!!!!!!!
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here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud!!
✷(print shop)✷
#mine#original#euheuhe hello..i hope everyone is having a good day#we are going on a bird boat thing on wednesday im very excited about it#what else.....me and my bf went on a walk on sunday and i saw damsel flies and shield bugs and a duck with 13 ducklings#i bought a jellycat sun bag which is now all i talk about#ive started reading assassins apprentice by robin hobb!!!! its so good!!!!#im so excited there are so many books in the series to read#i doubt i will like all of them but i will give them all a go#today i will stop and hve dinner n then walk the dog and then do exercise and have a bath#and then i will. play zelda#and then tomorrow i will do shop stuff and also help my mum buy a bench apparently#i need to buy snacks also. i hve a snack stash in my rooom bc of mental illness purposes and i am low.....need snacks#maybe i will do that tomorrow. brain schedule is full up for today sorry#also. unrelated. i have my period???? again????? ive already had it this month hello i dont need another im good im all done#my hormones r going ??OAGHGHGHUH#also i want like . cute bra. but like not a bra like just cloth thats like. tit shaped. a bralet? is that what that is? no idea#anyway. hve nice evening. or else.#i have a headache#OH ALSO. i need to legally chnage my name SKFSABJSBK#put that on th todo list#i cant rmemeber how 2 do it i think it was very straight forward n cost like. £10 or smth
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merry christmas everyone i hope your day is good and if youre spending it alone i hope you find joy in every little thing you can and that your day is at least peaceful 💞
#im probably not doing much bc yknooo the highlight of my day was opening the colourmytree msgs love everyone who sent one#wishing as well for you honey to live for pleasant memories💞merry christmas eat yummy food dont die of stomach curse💕💕#sometimes i wonder if ppl think im using a petname when i say that name LMAO#also...💙💙super special secret merry christmas to you....mwuah mwuah💞💞💞💞💞have a good day#excuse me while i ramble in the tags for a mile#my father said hed finally after months start redoing the flooring in my room so maybe i will finally be free of having all my belongings#scattered. maybe. pray for me i hate being outside of my room for long periods#the energy is STINKY out there!!!#other than that im just going to do whatever probably bc everyone i know is busy doing their own christmas stuff#and i dont speak to my family#hopefully i can still play games idk if ill have my computer w the renovation sobs GOOD LUCK ME#pers
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Anne to womb 📣 we finished our period nearly a week ago, please stop cramping out of fucking nowhere like you wanna go for round two
#anne speaks#tw periods#this 100% feels like period cramps and it fucking ended last tuesday. started the pill again on wednesday#BITCH STOP BOTHERING ME LIKE THIS#honestly one day i'll probably go up to a gp and be like gimme another ultrasound#and if that doesnt show jack shit maybe just gimme the check for endo#bc if this does keep worsening over the next few years i just want to fucking know. i want to know im not crazy#and i wanna go to my old gp and be like I FUCKING TOLD YOU. THIS DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT#sorry im tired and in pain and grumpy bc there's literally no feasible fucking reason for me to BE in pain
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played 8 consecutive hours of elden ring this afternoon/evening and forgot to eat dinner.... 🫠
#oops#well i still have bad cramps and bloating so maybe its for the best. im too tired to eat now#i feel soooo terrible. i dont think its from the gaming tho i was playing to distract myself from feeling terrible in the first place#but no such luck. well its better than spending all day ruminating anyway#i need to do laundry and food shop tomorrow and ill take the day off ER entirely otherwise ill end up playing another 8 hrs 💀#i got my meds today too but im not gonna start them until my period fucking starts and ends bc i cant handle both at once#plus itll be good if i can start them later this week so if it fucks my sleep at least i wont have to go into work multiple days in a row#while exhausted etc. mannn.#i really really hope i sleep better tonight this whole last week its been so disturbed and im so tired :-(#and so saaaaaad. and lonely but not really in a way that being around ppl helps.. i just want a longass hug 💔#ive done so well this week mentally but it takes so much out of me staying on top of it#anyway.. to bed to bed to bed#.diaries
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things 10 does that make yaz feel like oh yeah this is her doctor alright: flying the tardis, when he gets all nerdy abt sciency stuff
things 10 does that make yaz stare in stunned disbelief: flirty as fuck?? timelords this timelords that
things 10 does that make yaz zone out for five minutes entertaining fantasies that are confusing in the way only things involved with time travel can be: brainy specs
#10: yaz. yaz. yaz. YASMIN KHAN#yaz: whAt#10: i was talking. you stopped listening#yaz: im listening#looks at him. still wearing the glasses. beat. he gets it. he grins#yaz: nO. no. no! no. it's not you. dont get any ideas!#10 smirking bc he knows the effect he has on girls and it's kind of annoying it hasnt been working on yaz so far: 😘#yaz: you wish#i think my favourite thing abt the yaz&10 dynamic im imagining is that it is and will be always entirely platonic#like truly little sibling vibes theres a lot of chemistry they work together WELL. but none of it is even remotely romantic#was talking to leslie and they were like. at every cute blonde girl 10 would be like *wistful sigh* rose and yaz would be the same but abt1#which is confusing in the way only time travel can be again#and they would have fun with it#start trying to one-up each other impressing cute girls#neither of them truly interested in actually inviting those girls on board#it's just a game it's a little competition. it's bonding between THEM#to be the most charming doctor#there really is a lot abt this vibe with christina that i think he'd have with yaz too#except the lord&lady thing i said#but maybe thats just bc theyre in the same period for 10#christina doesnt get on board bc 10 is scared the same way as 13 was#but yaz wont give him the chance to not let her on board. she just walks in#yaz&10
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mutuals i got myself into a situation so sticky i don’t even know how to describe it (edit: *describes it* lol). please send thoughts of successful escape my way lol
#purrs#delete later#i SONT understand anything about retirement or insurance whatever and basically imightve signed a contract for smth i didn’t understand#fully and im so scared lol. and i feel so bad bc im stupid and i don’t understand anything and no matter how much peopel#xolain it to me i don’t understand it. i feel like a stupid silly naive little girl rn LOLLLLL i feel so sick#it’s probably fine and not that bad and i didn’t do the wrong step but im freaking out. not just bc of the money situation but also bc they#have to do a. medical exam on me to see how much i would have to pay or whatever 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 wtf#im making it sound like a big bad scary freak thing isigned up for when really it’s not i don’t thin&. it’s just dividend lige insirance but#i don’t understand what any of it means and apparently other stuff is better. idk anything about retirement i only got into this stupid#situation because i had a mandatory retirement selection for work and ididnt understand anything so i scheduled a meeting with a retirement#counselor person to help me figure out which option would be the best for me and he was really nice and helped me a lot but then he started#saying he could help me w additional retirement stuff if i wanted to see what the options were and i was like sure and then he told me abt t#this thing and had me fill out / sign the application in that same meeting to ‘get the process started bc it takes. a long time’ even if i d#decided to pull out later it would be a good thing to get the ball rolling asap if i did end up wanting to do it. but i didn’t understand an#anythi ng and i went along with it anyway and now i might’ve fucked myself over so bad. except i probably didn’t but i feel so bad. bc he wa#was so nice and genuine but maybe he was just trying to sell me a product bc he gets a commission from the insurance company which i he told#me wheni asked him if im getting his help for free. i feel so stupid and guilty omg#and also i signed up for my first credit card but the interest rates are really high which i didn’t realize. and i can’t log into the bank a#account for some reason liek it says my acc doesn’t work. and hr fucked up my pay so i haven’t gotten a time sheet for like 2 pay periods an#and im getting retroactively paid in august but it’s just one more fucking thing and i haven’t gotten the chance to pick new benefits yet#and idk if i can / will bc of my stupid pay situation like i literaly don’t exist in the system rn apparently. i fucking hate all of this i#hate adulting i hate it i hate it i want to explode and hide forever and cry a lot. and my bank account isn’t even my own rn and i don’t und#understand anything about mony or insurance or benefits or credit cards or anything. im so overwhelmed FUCK
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is this thing still on......
#wow long time no see#popping on out of nostalgia 🥲#ive just started studying for my second medical licensing exam#and i was just reminiscing about studying for the first one last year#bc it was at the same time as you are home and as it was release and all the album stuff in general#and i seriously wouldn't have survived that period without harry and everything he was up to#it's so much isolation and weeks upon weeks of just studying from sunrise to sunset and it's mentally draining#so ofc im not excited to do that again 😆#and feeling stressed that i don't have anything to really look forward to day to day like i did the first time#so i was like aw i should see what people are up to#i still keep up with harry a little like he still comes up on my socials and i see his concert videos and stuff#still rooting for him and still love him to bits tbh but his fandom is unbearable#i gave it an honest try but i didn't even make it 3 years lmao it was hell#maybe it's better now! but better not to risk it lol#i'll find some other way to not off myself these next few weeks#i hope everyone is well!!!!!!
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Ok triple vaccine is kicking my ass. Now. I am.now grateful that I scheduled it with a day off after
#speculation nation#negative/#i will be real this is genuinely one of the worst pains of my life#but to.make matters worse. my period started :/ so im dealing with first day cramps of Those#i got only 4 hours of sleep bc despite taking a melatonin i just Could Not Fall Asleep#my feet and legs were so very cold that even 45 minutes under a hot pad still hadnt warmed them#it took hours before i felt like i could remove it. idk how long exactly id finally fallen asleep#but june wouldnt stop crying until eventually she came up to bed#and poor sweet girl did her normal thing of climbing on me. which is usually fine.#but she stepped on my arm and. hhhhhholy shit lmfao That had to be one of the worst pains of my life.#like a 7 or maybe even an 8. right now doijg nothing id say its a 5#i need to take ibuprofen but i need to get some food in me first#which. oh yeah. i got out of bed to try to eat a bit so i could take some ibuprofen. ended up lightheaded as fuck#had to sit down several times. until at one point i got hit with a spell so bad i was Convinced i was gonna throw up#sat beside the toilet with a cold sweat as i waited for the nausea to subside.#i was gonna have corn dogs for a small meal. they r in the microwave even. but rn i am.just gingerly sipping on an Ensure#with a plastic bag beside me lol. just in case. bc i dont fuck with nausea risks man i am.not puking on my floor.#eurgh why did my.body decide to make things worse for me.... this Sucks#emetophobia/
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#this is about to be my first super heavy period since starting this job. which. surprised its taken this long.#but. my manager is new and too curious for his own good so if he asks why im going to the bathroom every hour when normally i go maybe#1 time per shift im going to be extremely tempted to kick him in the nuts#mentally already practicing how to tell him to fuck off about it and warn him that ill involve hr if he doesnt drop it#bc hes not the brightest either. ive been asked several questions already that i could technically take to hr but i didnt want to bother bc#i didnt mind that much. this i will take to hr without hesitation. he'll likely just get a slap on the wrist but itll teach him im serious
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the amount of media i have consumed in one week of being sick . . . . i am horrifying myself thinking about it
#all of the squid game reality show plus interview with the vampire the show and both entire seasons of kevin can fuck himself#PLUS rewatched bridgerton s2 and FINALLY watched The Terror#can u tell i used my amc plus free trial#rewatched treasure planet last night and started the hobbit movies again for something to watch while i draw#AND i rewatched avatar way of water and also the shape of water#plus the entire audiobook of infinite country and granted it's not a long audiobook but still five hours#the terror was so good but mostly it was FASCINATING to see the show yall are so insane about on this site#i was so looking forward to wathing iwtv so i could use my trial to also watch the terror bc people are so crazy about it on here#and it's just like . . . . a period piece horror thing with a LOT of white men who all look the same! and it was a blast yeah#truly i love yalls minds i love yalls brains like i would never have thought if i cold watched this show that ppl would be so insane about#anyway god bless someone tell me what else to watch im desperate#started severance and just couldnt get off the ground w it#we never finished sucession bc we just wanted the old man to die and then he did so#idk maybe i'll just keep watching the hobbit movies
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some days you really just want to scream why is this so hard!!!!!! why is life so hard for me!!!!!!!!!!!!
#maybe it's bc i just started my period or maybe it's bc im on the verge of my next breakdown but im struggling!!!!!!!!!!#yesterday i realized it's been exactly 2 years since i moved into this living situation im still stuck in and it just hit me#as i was trying to fall asleep that like ok i just lost 2 more years of my life!! i accomplished absolutely nothing and#just ran in fucking circles going nowhere and literally have done Nothing#and not to make excuses but im only now realizing how badly covid fucked me like not covid covid but covid time#as in like jobs and having any sort of future like that was Exactly the time after i graduated that i needed to be doing shit and i couldnt#and yeah i know there are sooooo many people in similar situations bc of covid but god i just feel like such a failure which i am#but i just feel so helpless like i honestly do not know how to move forward#or what i even want out of life anymore if anything at all and yes ok so period plus 2 year anniversary plus my birthday next week so im#extremely on the edge rn#and anyway last night i was crying bc of the 2 year thing then u know how when u sometimes start crying about one thing#u start crying about just everything wrong in your life so yeah i did that and then suddenly it was about still living here#and still living in this state and still living with mentally abusive relatives and how much of a failure i am at my age and how my birthda#will make me feel like shit and how much i miss my dogs and how much i worry about my cat and how i cant ever lose her ever no matter what#like i simply will not go through another pet death i just wont. and then all roads lead to my biggest mistake and regret so my ex then#all that and how i literally cant change any of those things at all and how much i feel like a prisoner and i cant escape and anyway.#im just not doing well lately lmao
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Me when I remember I’m 19 and not 18 and the entire last year and a half has felt like a dream
#ME SUDDENLY GOING WAIT HOW OLD AM I AND HAVING TO CHECK MY PINTEREST BIO LIKE YOURE TELLING ME IM GONNA BE TWENTY IN LESS THAN A YEAR.#IM GONNA THROW UP WHAT THE FUCK AHHHHH TIME IS PASSING IM STILL A FUCK UP I DONT THINK ILL EVER GET MY SHIT TOGETHER#I THINK ILL BE HAPPY BUT I THINK ILL ALWAYS BE AFRAID OF IT ALL CRUMBLING YKNOW I WONT BE NORMAL BUT ILL BE HAPPY AND ILL MAKE ART#BUT LIKE. FUCK MAN. ANOTHER YEAR ALONE#like ughhhh idk how to explain it. soemthing soemthing getting older but not growing up at all like I feel like maybe I’m 16 like that’s#when every one else suddenly became real people and I stayed the same between depression and 2020 that explains a lot and now I’m just like#frozen in my brain but my body is getting older but all of these years count and in the future I’ll look back and go yeah I don’t remember#what I did when I was 18/19 bc all I did was isolate smoke weed and be depressed#like wahhhhhh emotional today thanks weed and meds and period supposed to start today
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trying not to be unjustifably angry that my professor is still in this room when i was waiting to project the rest of bottoms on the screen in the dark by myself. king...
#abby talks#it's fine... im being forced to do something productive i guess and trying to strategically work on this shit#but also. i did start my period today im just having a time and im so on edge i just wanna finish hanging out with my friends..#ruby cruzs big ol doe eyes have been paused on my screen for the last like 24 hours. please let me watch her shit get busted come on man#i think he's just still here in case the kids in class practicing for their shoot have questions bc he was really abt to go up#before he checked on them. but like clocks tickin buddy! jk. well maybe if i get done with my assignment ill just ask him if he minds#if i put it on. lol
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First art post of 2023, starting off with an old art redraw
Back in Autumn 2021 (has it really been that long...) I started watching Magnificent Century with my mom, and after finishing the first season I really wanted to draw one of my favourite characters, Viktoria/Sadika. Whether or not I succeeded is... questionable. The art is still up, but I’m not the biggest fan of it. IMO, she looks more like Hatice than Viktoria, but eh, that’s why we’re here
Behold, my updated art of Viktoria’s last scene in the show, utilising my anatomy-based art classes, staying more true to the original screenshot, and completely disregarding my art teacher telling me to stop painting on one layer:
Reference:
#my art#magnificent century#magnificent century viktoria#sadika hatun#saadet isil aksoy#yet another female character who was done so dirty by canon and deserves so much better#I hope I managed to capture the likeness of saadet isıl aksoy bc she’s absolutely gorgeous and I want to do her justice#I wanna do more mc art but making my usual style look like the actors is hard#also I wanna make more art. period. in the new year#practise anatomy and backgrounds and clothing#and make comics#and maybe start learning animations#but that’s me rushing ahead#for now im just satisfied with how much better I got than 15 months ago#I also really like painting in this style#it’s not trying to directly replicate the ref but adding more cartoonish features like bigger eyes#which gives me more creative freedom#and that’s something I always appreciate
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Screaming along to songs in my car can unfortunately only do so much
#stuff sarah says#the world is so scary and im so scared like i dont think you get it#i am frozen with so much fear at the thought of everything and how unbearably complicated life has become#and everything is micro and idk how else to put it? just. microlables microtransactions micromanaging#i hate it all so much#and theres so many boxes? and they keep getting smaller and i just? maybe i dont want people to put me in a box#maybe i dont want to check a box maybe i dont want to round up my transaction maybe i dont want#microplastics. thats another one. theres fucking microplastics. in my teabags.#but maybe i want people to stop looking at me and assuming they know me bc i barely know me#i would like to just exist. i hate taxes. i hate wanting to throw up when thinking about talking to people about things#i hate hate hate worrying about every word that comes out of my mouth#i want people to stop using therapy lingo in daily conversations and also everyone needs to stop fucking yelling#i havent been taking my thyroid medicine and im so cold and i wonder if thats affecting my mood too#anyway what do you think happens when we die? like i know what a lot of people think happens but what actually happens? you know?#is any of it...? like? you know?#im going to start crying ha ha ha#i watched some sad episodes of a show. also i maybe started my period#i never fully know anymore when it starts. my body is fucked lmao#why am i typing all of this? i dont think anyone should actually care about any of this#idk i just want things to be simple again
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tfw u sleep like 4 hours but then u wake up to piss and then u try to go back to sleep and just. cant.
so im running on 4 hours of sleep when i tried to get 8. perfect for my exam in a few hours haha
#speculation nation#negative/#i havent been posting as much bc i have been. mentally in a hole.#ive had a headache for days that just isnt going away. sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse#i thought it was caffeine withdrawal but i had Plenty of caffeine yesterday and it still didnt go away#my body's been teasing my period for Days which is REALLY frustrating. a lil spotting like 'haha is it gonna start? is it?'#before not showing anything else for a day before doing it again#like for fuck's sake stop making me waste pads & just get it OVER with#it's probably stress. i fucking hate periods and i fucking hate My periods. my body's so fucking picky#anyways i have a triple shot latte bc i knew i'd need it. trying to do some last minute studying#i really dont want to go to this exam. some part of me just wants to say Fuck It and just stop trying with this class entirely#but if i dont go to this exam im not going to have any chance of passing. and i dont want to waste more money.#i'm just... ugh. it's all school. it's All school. always 100% it's school that makes me feel this way.#anytime im working with no school it's tiring but not as bone-deeply agonizing. i never feel rested when i'm in school.#ugh. i hate it so much#menstruation ment/#maybe a little tmi but do i give a shit? not really lmao#you can probably see the sleep deprivation clear as day in this post
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