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samwisethewitch · 3 years

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Coping with religious trauma

CONTENT WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS DISCUSSIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS, TRAUMA RECOVERY, AND HOMOPHOBIA. The advice in this post is intended for an adult audience, not for those who are legal minors.

A lot of people find their way to paganism after having traumatic experiences with organized religion, especially in countries like the United States, where 65% of the population identifies as Christian. (This number is actually at an all-time low — historically, the percentage has been much higher.) Paganism, which is necessarily less dogmatic and hierarchical than the Abrahamic religions, offers a chance to experience religion without having to fit a certain mold. This can be extremely liberating for people who have felt hurt, abused, or ignored by mainstream religion.

To avoid making generalizations that might offend people, I’ll share my own story as an example.

My family joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, better known as the Mormons, when I was nine years old. The Mormons are an extremely conservative sect of evangelical Christianity that places a heavy emphasis on maintaining a strong community that upholds their religious values. The problem with that is that Mormon values are inherently racist, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic. As a teenager in the Mormon Church, I was told that as a woman, my only purpose in life was to marry a (Mormon) man and raise (Mormon) children. I was discouraged from pursuing a college education if it meant delaying marriage. I was not allowed to participate in the full extent of religious ritual because I was not a man. I was not allowed to express myself in ways that went against Mormon culture, and I kept my bisexuality secret for fear I would be ostracized. I didn’t have any sort of support system outside the Church, which inevitably made the mental health issues that come with being a queer woman in a conservative Christian setting much, much worse.

I left the Mormons when I was seventeen, and by that time I had some major issues stemming from my time in the Church. I had been extremely depressed and anxious for most of my teen years. I struggled with internalized misogyny and homophobia. I had very low self-esteem. I had anxiety around sex and sexuality that would take years of therapy and self-work to overcome. I wanted to form a connection with the divine, but I wasn’t sure if I was worthy of such a connection.

I was attracted to paganism, specifically Wicca, because it seemed like everything Mormonism wasn’t. Wicca teaches equality between men and women, with a heavy focus on the Goddess in worship. It places an emphasis on doing what is right for you, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone else. It encourages sexuality and healthy sexual expression. Learning about Wicca, and later other types of paganism, helped me develop the kind of healthy spirituality I’d never experienced as a Mormon. Although Wicca is no longer the backbone of my religious practice, it was a necessary and deeply healing step on my spiritual journey.

I’m not sharing my story to gain sympathy or to make anyone feel bad — I’m sharing it because my situation is not an uncommon one in pagan circles. The vast majority of pagans are converts, meaning they didn’t grow up pagan. Some had healthy upbringings in other faiths, or no faith at all, and simply found that paganism was a better fit for them. Others, like myself, had deeply traumatic experiences with organized religion and are attracted to paganism because of the freedom, autonomy, and empowerment it offers.

If you fall into this latter category, this post is for you. Untangling the threads of religious trauma can be an extremely difficult and overwhelming task. In this post, I lay out six steps to recovery based on my own experiences and those of other people, both pagan and non-pagan, who have lived through religious trauma.

While following these steps will help jumpstart your spiritual healing, it’s important to remember that healing is not a linear process — especially healing from emotional, mental, and spiritual trauma. You may have relapses, you may feel like you’re moving in circles, and you may still have bad days in five or ten years. That’s okay. That’s part of the healing process. Go easy on yourself, and let your journey unfold naturally.

Step One: Cut all ties with the group that caused your trauma

Or, at least, cut as many ties as reasonably possible.

Obviously, if you’re still participating in a religious organization that has caused you pain, the first step is to leave! But before you do, make sure you have an exit plan to help you disengage safely and gracefully.

To make your exit plan, start by asking yourself what the best, worst, and most likely case scenarios are, and be honest in your answers. Obviously, the best case scenario is that you leave, everyone accepts it, and all is well. The worst case scenario is that someone tries to prevent you from leaving — you may be harassed by missionaries or concerned churchgoers, for example. But what is the most likely case scenario? That depends on the religious community, their beliefs, and how involved you were in the first place. When making your exit plan, prepare for the most likely scenario, but have a backup plan in case the worst case scenario happens.

Once you’ve prepared yourself for the best, worst, and most likely outcomes, choose a friend, significant other, or family member who can help you make your exit. Ideally, this person is not a member of the group you are trying to leave. Their role is mainly to provide emotional support, although they may also need to be willing to run off any well-meaning missionaries who come calling. This person can also help you transition after you leave. For example, you might make a plan to get coffee with them every week during the time your old religious community holds worship services.

Finally, make your strategy for leaving. Choose a date and don’t put it off! If you have any responsibilities within the group, send in a letter of resignation. Figure out who you’ll need to have conversations with about your leaving — this will likely include any family members or close friends who are still part of the group. Schedule those conversations. Make sure to have them in public places, where people will be less likely to make a scene.

If you feel it is necessary, you may want to request that your name be removed from the group’s membership records so you don’t get emails, phone calls, or friendly visits from them in the future. You may not feel the need to do this, but if contact with the group triggers a mental health crisis, this extra step will help keep you safe.

Of course, it’s not always possible to completely cut ties with a group after leaving. You may have family members, a significant other, or close friends who are still members. If this is the case, you’ll need to establish some clear boundaries. Politely but firmly tell them that, although you’re glad their faith adds value to their lives, you are not willing to be involved in their religious activities. Let them know that this is what is best for your mental and emotional health and that you still value your relationship with them.

Try to make compromises that allow you to preserve the relationship without exposing you to a traumatic religious environment. For example, if your family is Christian and always spends all day on Christmas at church, offer to celebrate with them the day after, once their religious commitments are over.

Hopefully, your loved ones can respect these boundaries. If not, you may need to distance yourself or walk away altogether. If they are knowingly undermining your attempts to take care of yourself, they don’t deserve to be in your life.

During this time, you may find it helpful to read other people’s exit stories online or in books. One of my personal favorites is the book Girl at the End of the World by Elizabeth Esther. Hearing other people’s stories can help you remember that other people have been through similar situations and made it out on the other side. You will too.

Step Two: Seek professional help

I cannot overstate the importance of professional counseling when dealing with trauma of any kind, including religious trauma. Therapists and counselors have the benefit of professional training. They are able to be objective, since they’re approaching the situation from the outside. They can keep you from getting bogged down in your own thoughts and feelings.

I understand that not everyone has access to therapy. I am very lucky to have insurance that covers mental health counseling, but I know not everyone has that privilege. However, there are some options that make therapy more affordable.

There may be an organization in your area that offers free or low-cost therapy — if you live in the U.S., you can find information about these services by checking the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine or visiting mentalhealth.gov. You can also look for therapists who use a sliding scale for payment, which means they determine an hourly rate based on the client’s income. And finally, if you have a little bit of extra cash you may want to look into therapy apps like BetterHelp or Talkspace, which are typically cheaper than in-person therapy.

If none of those options work for you, the next best option is to join a support group. Support groups allow you to connect with other people whose experiences are similar to yours and, unlike therapy, they allow you to get advice and feedback from multiple people. These groups are often free, although some charge a small fee.

Finding the right group for you is important. You’re unlikely to find a group for people recovering from religious trauma but, depending on the nature of your trauma, you may fit right in with a grief and loss group, an addiction recovery group, or a group for adult survivors of child abuse. If you’re a member of the LGBTQ+ community, you may be able to find a queer support group. (The LGBTQ+ club at my college was an invaluable resource in my recovery!) Depending on your area, you may also be able to find groups for specific mental and emotional issues like depression or anxiety.

Make sure to do your research before attending a meeting. Find out what, if anything, the group charges, who can join, and whether they use a curriculum or have unstructured sessions. See if you can find a statement about their values and philosophy. Make a note of where meetings are held and of who is running the group. Some support groups meet in churches and may or may not have a religious element to their curriculum. It’s best to avoid religious groups — the last thing you need right now is to be preached to.

Getting other people involved in your recovery will make you feel less alone and prevent you from getting stuck in your own head. A good therapist, counselor, or support group can help you realize what you need to work on and give you ideas for how to approach it.

Step Three: Deprogramming

“Deprogramming” refers to the practice of undoing brainwashing and reintroducing healthy thought patterns. This term is normally used in the context of cult survivors and their recovery, but deprogramming techniques can also be helpful for people recovering from a lifetime of toxic religious rhetoric.

To begin the process of deprogramming, familiarize yourself with the way organizations use thought control to shape the behavior of their members. I recommend starting with the work of Steven Hassan — his BITE model is a handy way to classify types of thought control.

The BITE model lays out four types of control. There’s Behavior Control, which controls what members do and how they spend their free time. (For example, requiring members to attend multiple hours-long meetings each week.) There’s Information Control, which restricts members’ access to information. (For example, denying certain aspects of the group’s history.) There’s Thought Control, which shapes the way members think. (For example, classifying certain thoughts as sinful or dirty.) And finally there’s Emotional Control, which manipulates members’ emotions. (For example, instilling fear of damnation or punishment.)

Here’s a simple exercise to get you started with your deprogramming. Divide a blank sheet of paper into four equal sections. Label one section “Behavior,” one “Information,” one “Thought,” and one “Emotions.” Now, in each section, make a list of the ways your old religious group controlled — and maybe still controls — that area of your life. Once you’ve completed your lists, choose a single item from one of your lists to work on undoing.

For example, let’s say that in your “Information” column, you’ve written that you were discouraged from reading certain books because they contained “evil” ideas. (For a lot of people, this was Harry Potter. For me, it was The Golden Compass.) Pick up one of those books, and read it or listen to it as an audiobook. Once you’ve read it, write down your thoughts. Did you enjoy it? Why or why not? Why do you think your group banned it? What was in this book that they didn’t want you to know about? Write it down.

Once you’ve worked on the first thing, choose something else. Keep going until you’ve undone all the items on your lists.

If you want to go further with deprogramming, I recommend the book Recovering Agency by Luna Lindsey. Although this book is specifically written for former Mormons, I genuinely believe it would be helpful to former members of other controlling religious groups as well. Lindsey does an excellent job of explaining how thought control works and of connecting it to real world examples, as well as deconstructing those ideas. Her book has been a huge help in my recovery process, and I highly recommend it.

Step Four: Replace toxic beliefs and practices with healthy ones

This goes hand-in-hand with step three, and if you’re already working on deprogramming then you’ll already have started replacing your unhealthy beliefs. This is the turning point in the recovery process. You’re no longer just undoing what others have done to you — now you get an opportunity to decide what you want to believe and do going forward. This is the time to let go of things like denial of your desires, fear of divine punishment, and holding yourself to unattainable standards. Get used to living in a way that makes you happy, without guilt.

Notice how each step builds on the previous steps. Therapy and deprogramming can help you identify what beliefs and behaviors need to be adjusted or replaced. Your therapist, support group, and/or emotional support person can help you make these changes and follow through on them.

These new beliefs and practices don’t have to be religious — in fact, it’s better if they aren’t. If you can live a healthy, happy, balanced life without religion, you’ll be in a better position to choose a religion that is the right fit for you, if that is something you want.

Your new healthy, non-religious practices may include: mindfulness meditation, nature walks, journaling, reading, exercise, energy work, learning a hobby or craft, or spending time with loves ones — or it might include none of these things, and that’s okay too. Now is the time to find what brings you joy and start doing it every day.

Step Five: Ritual healing

This is an optional step, but it’s one that has been deeply healing for me. You may find it helpful to design and perform a ritual to mark your recovery.

Note that when I say “ritual,” I don’t necessarily mean magic. Rituals serve a psychological purpose as well as a spiritual one. They can act as powerful symbolic events that mark a turning point in our lives or reinforce what we already know and believe. Even if you don’t believe in magic, even if you’re the least spiritual person you know, you can still benefit from ritual.

You might choose to perform a ritual to finalize your healing, or to symbolically throw off the chains of your old religion. It can be elaborate or simple, long or short, joyful or solemn. It might include lighting a candle and saying a few words. It might include ecstatic dance. It might include drawing or painting a representation of all the negative emotions associated with your old religion, then ritually destroying it. The possibilities are literally endless. (If you’re looking for ritual ideas, I recommend the book Light Magic for Dark Times by Lisa Marie Basile.)

One type of ritual that some people find very empowering is unbaptism. An unbaptism is exactly what it sounds like — the opposite of a baptism. The idea is that, if a baptism makes a Christian, an unbaptism makes someone un-Christian, no longer part of that lineage. It is a ritual rejection of Christianity. (Obviously, this only applies if you’re a former Christian, though some of the following suggestions could be adjusted to fit a rejection of other religions.)

If you’re interested in unbaptism, here are some ideas for how it could be done:

A classic method of unbaptism is to recite the Lord’s Prayer backwards under a full moon. (For a non-Christians version, use a significant prayer from whatever religion you have left.)

Run a bath. Add a tiny pinch of sulfur (a.k.a. brimstone) to the water. Get into the bath and say, “By water I was baptized, and by water my baptism is rejected.” Submerge your entire body under the water for several seconds. When you come back up, your unbaptism is complete. (You may want to shower after this one. Sulfur does not smell good.)

The Detroit Satanic Temple has a delightfully dramatic unbaptism ritual. For a DIY version, you will need holy water or some other relic from the faith you were baptized in, a fireproof dish, a black candle, and an apple or other sweet fruit. Light the candle and place it in your fireproof dish. Toss some holy water onto the flame (not enough to extinguish it) and say, “I cast my chains into the dust of hell.” Take a bite of the apple and say, “I savor the fruit of knowledge and disobedience.” Finally, declare proudly, “I am unbaptized.” You can add “in the name of Satan” at the end or leave it out, depending on your comfort level.

Personally, I’ve never felt the need to unbaptize myself. I’ve ritually rejected my Mormon upbringing in other ways. Maybe someday I’ll decide to go for the unbaptism, but I’ve never really felt like I needed it. Likewise, you’ll need to decide for yourself what ritual(s) will work for you.

Step Six: Honor your recovery

Our first reaction to trauma is to hide it away and never speak of it again. When we do this, we do ourselves a disservice. Your recovery is a part of your life story. You had the strength to walk away from a situation that was hurting you, and that deserves to be celebrated! Be proud of yourself for how far you’ve come!

You may choose to honor your recovery by celebrating an important date every year, like the day you decided to leave the group, the date of the last meeting you attended, or the date you were removed from the membership records. Keep this celebration fun and light — get drinks with friends, bake a cake for yourself, or just take a few moments to silently acknowledge your journey.

If you feel like having a party is a bit much, you can also honor your recovery by talking to other people about your experiences. Share your story with others. If you’re feeling shy, try sharing your story anonymously online. (Reddit has several forums specifically for anonymous stories.) You’ll be amazed by how validating it can be to tell people what you’ve been through. `

Another way to honor your recovery is to work for personal and religious freedom for all people. Protest laws with religious motivations. Donate to organizations that campaign for the separation of church and state. Educate people about how to recognize an unhealthy religious organization. Let your own story motivate you to help others who are in similar situations.

And most of all, take joy in your journey. Be proud of yourself for how far you’ve come, but know that your recovery is a lifelong journey. Be gentle and understanding with yourself. You are doing what is right for you, and no god or spirit worthy of worship could ever be upset by that.

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hawkinsschoolcounselor · 3 years

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Okay. So I have a tough question. Considering you have a degree in Psychology. I wanted to ask you.

After everything our characters in ST went through and what they are still going through especially characters like Will, Mike and El. We are in the 80's where growing as a teenager must've been extremely diffucult (though one might say that every generation has a tough time growing up.). We are in a coming of age story very much centered around children and teenagers and whose audience is, for the most part, teenagers or young adults.

I really didn't know how to talk about it as this subject is a very sensitive one and I preferred to chose someone who is, to my knowledge, the most qualified in that field. Sorry if it adds a pressure on you, I really don't want you to have that but I wanted to take it safe as I know it is a difficult subject.

I have wanted the show to go back to it's more mature and raw elements.

Do you think there is a possibilty that Stranger Things might, in season 4 or later, explore the subject of suicide or suicidal tendencies ?

I am sorry, I know it is a tough question but since Stranger Things each season is touching more difficult themes each time. I'd figured that at some point a show like Stranger Things will have to talk about it. Of course it doesn't have to but it's the most logical thing for me. (Also Gaten in an interview said that the characters will deal with more mature subjects.) Especially since a lot of characters do a lot of self-sacrificing actions but it's never really touched upon except maybe Hopper and Billy.

Warning: This post contains discussion of suicide. This is a deep topic, but one worth discussing. I won't pretend to be some all-knowing expert on the topic of suicide, but, as a school counselor, it is something I have to be ready for. I am trained to spot the warning signs and to screen for the need for intervention. I've also personally grappled with this myself. I went through a period where I honestly felt like it was the only thing I could do.

I wish to start by speaking plainly and directly. If you have ever felt like you may wish to take your own life, or know someone who does, please get any available help.

Dealing with a topic like suicide on TV is an extremely delicate undertaking. It's noble to want to address a very real problem, but the last thing that needs to be done is for it to be romanticized. At the same time, it also can't be demonized. Real people grapple with this. It's a real danger to show heartfelt mourning after a suicide, as someone grappling with it may see it as a reason to go ahead with it. "Look how much people will miss me!" At the same time, treating it like some cardinal sin will only make people less likely to share suicidal thoughts with those who may be able to help.

I've written before that Will may consider suicide during the course of Stranger Things, so that’s who I will use for this hypothetical. It could just as easily be another character. The question is how can a fantastical sci-fi show like Stranger Things handle such a real life issue in an appropriate fashion?

I do feel like the show has so far done a very good job working reality into this sort of fantasy story. I can see it working out so long as they are careful to avoid either romanticizing or condemning it.

In my conceptualization, it will be a result of him discovering that he unknowingly created the Upside Down. Will would essentially blame himself for everything that has happened. To him, suicide would be the way to stop it all.

In real life, suicide has been found to have some common elements. I won’t go into an exhaustive list, but these commonalities include enduring psychological pain, looking for a solution to a problem (the solution being suicide), a desire to cease consciousness, and a sense of hopelessness or despair. Essentially, a psychologically tortured individual seeks a solution to their problems, and, since it seems so utterly hopeless, they decide that ending their life is the best solution. Granted, it gets a bit nuanced, but this is what it looks like from a general perspective. In most cases, it’s something an individual has put some thought into. Those thoughts are distorted, though, as an individual will almost tunnel visioned to the point that alternate solutions aren’t even considered, and it becomes more of a necessity than a desire to follow through with it.

In Stranger Things, it’s possible to map these same elements to the story being told. Many fans, such as myself, already see Stranger Things as using the sci-fi and horror elements of the show to illustrate psychological trauma. The threat of the Upside Down has steadily become more insidious and pervasive, growing from a solitary monster threatening the real world, to a possessed child commanding an army of monsters, to many townspeople being used as murderous puppets and parts of a grotesque amalgamation. It’s slowly taking over Hawkins, only ever being temporarily subdued until some new trauma brings it back worse than before. Suppressed trauma is manifesting as a consuming darkness (the Upside Down), which can be seen as a metaphor for depression. Imagine Will finding out it’s all connected to him, a result of him subconsciously trying to bottle up his trauma.

He already has the psychological pain, as it is (in my conceptualization) what’s manifesting all the supernatural horrors his family and friends have to deal with year and year. He’ll want a solution to it, and, in his moment of despair, will think that the only solution is to stop it at the source. Too many people have already died, and he’ll blame himself for all of them. He’ll decide that he needs to die in order to make it all go away. It’s not so much a desire as it is a necessity.

Now, I don’t think they’ll actually kill Will off. That would be an incredibly depressing ending, and it would more or less affirm that suicide is the only answer. I think he may attempt it, and it would take the love of his family and friends, as it always does, to save him. Ultimately, though, I feel it would be far more effective to use the narrative to show Will facing, accepting, and overcoming his past trauma. In doing so, Will would be able to end the threat of the Upside Down by making peace with it, with the help of his loved ones and professional treatment.

In short, Will might see suicide as the only viable solution to an overwhelming darkness that just keeps getting worse. In the end, though, he’d be able to confront and make peace with that darkness, instead. How the Duffers would go about showing that is a better question for experienced writers.

I must have written and re-written this answer ten times. I’m still not overly thrilled with it, but I can’t keep stressing it. I hope it meets your expectations. This has been a touchy topic, and I tried to treat it with the seriousness it deserves. I hope the care I put into writing it comes across to those who read it.

If anyone out there reading this is currently facing their own darkness, please don’t try to bottle it up or take it on alone. It has a way of making you think you don’t have options, but you do. You just sometimes need other people to remind you of it and help you shine a light again.

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #will byers #tw: suicide

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snarky-art · 3 years

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Musa and Aisha in their enchantix! I still haven’t figured out how I want the wings to look but that’s ok I think.

Info on their relationship in my version of Winx Club below!

So when Aisha arrives at Alfea in season 2, it’s pretty much the same as in the original show. She doesn’t really know what to do. Anne was the only person her age she had ever really interacted with. The rest of the time she was pretty isolated and surrounded by adults. She has trouble figuring out exactly how to act around the winx and is really scared of messing things up.

Musa is also used to feeling like that. She has a lot of separation anxiety and fear of abandonment which she had manifest in the defense mechanism of not letting people get close so she couldn’t get hurt. She’s gotten better at handling it though ever since joining Alfea and getting a super close knit group of friends. As a result though, she can understand best how Aisha is feeling and is able to help in little ways the others can’t.

Musa does the most to make her feel more comfortable and at ease (the others do too but it just hits a little different coming from someone who really gets it, ya know?) and as a result they become much closer much faster. They find themselves talking more openly about their fears and insecurities and experiences when they’re alone and a they just end up having a really strong bond. In my version of this, Musa and Riven did get together at the end of season 1, but they breakup around ¾ths of the way through season 2. They realize it just isn’t really healthy for either of them and they both bring out the worst in each other. They both have some insecurities from previous relationships and just their family life in general (Riven’s mom abandoned him, Musa’s mom is dead and her relationship with her father is pretty strained although it does start to get better after the concert episode in season 2), so Musa is the one who ultimately takes the initiative to break it off. They both aren’t happy and Riven takes it especially hard, but Timmy talks some sense into him and he starts working to get better around the end of season 2/beginning of season 3.

Another reason Musa breaks it off is along with realizing how much worse she feels with Riven and along with how much worse she is as a person with him, she has a moment of realization where she just goes “oh, but with Aisha, I DO want to be better, and I trust her so much more completley,, oh no.” and she’s basically like “now we don’t have time to unpack ALL of that right now” but along with ending her relationship being better for both Riven and her, she needs to think some stuff about that over.

Musa is in denial about liking Aisha for a while and tries to stifle it and convince herself it’s nothing or that it’ll go away. This isn’t because she’s having a Gay Panic or something though (in my thing she’s bi and has had partners of other genders before). The panic comes from at this point, Aisha is one of the closest people in her life despite them only knowing each other for about a year and she doesn’t want to ruin something good (cue abandonment issues). Musa handles this physically by being more shy and easily flustered and also by eventually talking to the winx about it. Tecna ties but in my thing, Tecna is borderline Aromantic (demi is what I’m thinking of for her, still haven’t figured it all out though) so she’s not very good at giving advice for it, but she’s happy to listen. Flora gives soft advice and a listening ear, ever the romantic, and Stella is too but she’s much more loud (she also feels bad about trying to hook Musa up with so many dates and her and Riven broke up now that she knows Musa was having a crisis the whole time, granted the date with Jared was a good thing since Jared and Musa became good friends so Stella won’t apologize for that one and Musa decides that’s fair), and Bloom is pretty awkward with relationship stuff so she does the “are ya winning, son?” approach to all of this. Musa appreciates that they’re all trying though, despite the various degrees of success.

Aisha doesn’t really talk to anyone about her feelings for Musa, which she realizes she has shortly after gaining her enchantix. During the first attack on Alfea in the their third year of school, when she sees her enchantix for the first time, and how sure of herself she was about doing what she could to save Galatea’s life and save all the ancient texts and tomes, she’s like “yup that pretty much confirms everything for me.”

In my version Aisha is a lesbian and she’s known for a WHILE. Anne was her first crush and she also liked some of the princesses and nobles that she would meet or see at the many fancy diplomatic meetings she would be dragged to. She’s very secure in her sexuality and romantic attraction (homophobia isn’t really a Thing in my version per se, but there are some concerns about lineage in upper circles for royalty and leaders, since not all queer couples can have children biologically and sometimes adoption is hard depending on the circumstances, ESPECIALLY if there is a form of magic that is needed to be transferred from one member of a family to the next member and it isn’t a guarantee or even possible for some magic to latch onto someone and become apart of their core if they aren’t biologically related). Aisha hadn’t mentioned it to her parents though. Her parents and her don’t have the most open relationship due to the very controlling and stifling nature of both the court her parents rule over and just their general demeanor which leads to the next issue: arranged marriage on Andros, which is something her parents still partake in, and that really makes both Musa and Aisha feel like their hearts are being grabbed and twisted. Once they tell her, she’s about to tell them but they leave soon after telling her because they have stuff to do and also they would rather speak to Aisha once she’s “calmed down some.” The next time she has time to tell them, shit with Valtor starts to hit the fan and it gets put on the backburner.

By the time Nabu shows up, it’s pretty rough. Once Aisha realizes who he is she’s mad because of course she is, this is the person she’s expecting to be with. Nabu is understanding of this, and gets it completely, especially since he originally lied about his identity. Aisha does take a breather though and they talk it out some. He wanted to see who he was arranged to marry like in the show, and Aisha says she honestly never wanted to see him, and he laughs and says that’s fair. They do end up having a “best bros” dynamic though eventually. AIsha tells him about Musa, and he says he’s so sorry about this whole thing and eventually they do meet up with their parents like in the show and they talk to them about everything finally and their parents tell them that the arranged marriage isn’t necessary in the end. It works out and Aisha and Nabu do a sickass secret handshake they made and all is well. The relationship between their kingdoms is also really strong regardless of marriage too due to their eventual life long friendship.

Aisha also eventually talks to Flora some about how she should go about asking Musa out and about whether or not she thinks it would be a good idea and Flora and Chatta (ESPECIALLY CHATTA) are doing EVERYTHING they can to not blurt out that Musa hasn’t been able to shut up about liking Aisha for over a year and a half at this point.

Over the season their relationship continues to get stronger.

TW: talk of e*ting disorder. Please skip this paragraph if that is triggering to you. I will have the next paragraph start with -paragraph over- so skip to that if you would like

I also have a thing in my version where Musa struggles with an e*ting disorder some just do to anxiety and insecurities and that was one of the ways those things ended up manifesting (that’s how it was for me and I’ve put a little bit of myself into each of these gals and pal (Tecna is nonbinary in my version and although they’re fine with being perceived as a woman and is cool with she/her pronouns and general slang terms like “gal,” “dude,” “bro,” etc., they still prefer overall being acknowledged as a nonbinary person by people who don’t know them very well (all pronouns are cool with them also. This stuff I just mentioned is how I am as a nonbinary person and I thought it fit Tecna too). This is why I have her looking a little thinner in my earlier sketches, since those take place in season 1 and 2. Aisha goes out of her way to help her however she can and Musa feels guilty but eventually Aisha just tells her to accept the help because she cares about her, she knows that Musa wants to get better (she started wanting to really work to stop skipping meals in the middle of season 2 and being less afraid of putting on weight. Her relationship with Riven wasn’t helping her mental state and this was around the point where she realized things probably weren’t going to get better unless she worked really hard on both herself and with setting better boundaries. Aisha was the only one to know about her skipping meals more than was healthy as it ended up coming out on one of their many late night heart to heart convos they like to have) and because it isn’t taking a toll on her mental health, and she promises to let her know if it does (Aisha also learned more about healthy boundaries during her time with the winx way to go, queen). They do meal preps together, get a healthy workout routine that doesn’t involve Musa dropping dead from exhaustion every time, and they get help pamphlets and Musa ends up seeing a counselor on campus to get some help and by the middle of season 3, things are a lot better, and while it’s still something that Musa is going to struggle with off and on during her life because that’s how this stuff tends to work, she has the tools to help herself better and she also has a really good support system and knows therapy is still an option if she needs it after her time at Alfea. The rest of the winx find out eventually too and are, of course, super supportive and proud of her.

-end paragraph-

The main takeaway from that paragraph is that Aisha and Musa are very close and supportive of each other and that I mention Tecna is nonbinary (all pronouns acceptable, although tends to prefer they/them)

Along with that being yet another huge thing that relates to them wanting to help each other grow and become better people, they just end up realizing that if they could choose a day where they could choose anyone to spend time with for the whole time, it would be each other.

By the end of their third year at alfea/the movie (unsure which yet exactly, but it’s in that time frame) they get together and they stay together for the rest of everything:)

#winx club #Winx #aisha #aisha winx #layla #winx layla #musa #musa winx #enchantix #winx redesign #winx reboot #winx rewrite #winx remake #sapphic #WLW #they are in love #it's my sleepover and i get to choose the love story #enchantix redesign

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half-bakedboy · 3 years

Text

Where’s My Love? (read on ao3)

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rated: Teen Summary: Buck felt all of the air leave his lungs and his heart jumped into his throat because no one had ever told him he was allowed to be upset.

Maddie had always asked him to give their parents a break, to cut them some slack and be grateful the siblings at least had each other. But no one in his life - his sister or other distant relatives, his guidance counselors or teachers, his friend’s parents, all of whom saw how he was impacted - had ever told him it was okay to feel angry or that it was okay to expect more from the people who raised him.

Or a Season 4 Episode 4 coda where Eddie helps Buck get through the dinner with his parents without even knowing it.

With his parents back in town and his mind racing with thoughts of being forced to socialize with them after so many relatively peaceful years, Buck’s anxiety was the highest it had ever been. That was saying a lot considering he had survived an earthquake, a firetruck bombing and subsequent embolism, and even a fucking tsunami all within the last two years. It made him laugh - almost as much as it made him want to throw up - that a surprise visit from the people that raised him was triggering more of a trauma response than any of those other events.

He took a deep breath as he wandered the streets of L.A. and considered his options. He was set to have dinner one more time with Maddie, Chim, and his parents, and he honestly wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through and keep his mouth shut like he had promised his sister. She asked Buck to understand where they were coming from, to realize that they tried their hardest and that things could have been a lot worse, but Buck couldn’t imagine how that was fair.

It wasn’t fair that it was always his job to push aside their parenting failures because he was an adult and had turned out ‘just fine’ as Maddie had always put it. It wasn’t fair that their small jabs at Maddie tore open the scars Doug had left on her or that their obvious misguidances of Buck in every way caused shame and hurt to flood through every inch of his body when they spoke. It didn’t matter that Maddie was pregnant from a man that truly loved her and treated her right and had a job that she really kicked ass at. If that didn’t matter, then it certainly wouldn’t that Buck had worked harder to become a firefighter than he ever had in his life and that for once, he was truly happy when he looked toward the future.

No, none of that seemed to matter, because Evan and Maddie had to be on their best behavior and pretend that their parents did the best that they could given the circumstances, of which Buck wasn’t aware enough to fully understand. He would get through one more dinner for Maddie and Chimney’s sake and his parents would go back to wherever they decided to venture to next and Buck could repress all of the negative emotions that welled up inside of him once again.

Before he knew it, he was in front of Eddie’s door. He let out a small chuckle at the fact that even when he was lost in his own mind, his body found its way to Eddie. Buck relied on him so much more in the last few years, more than he ever expected to rely on anyone let alone the one person he had despised on sight. He figured it made sense for his subconscious to bring him there, though. Eddie was a father, first and foremost, and he had made that clear since joining the 118 that being a father was the most important thing to him even above his career. Buck knew how much being a firefighter meant to him, so he could only imagine the kind of love Eddie must have for Christopher to put anything above that.

He knocked on the door without a second thought and placed his hands in his pockets nervously as he waited for an answer. When he saw Christopher’s face as the door opened, his heart soared and he held out his arms for an inevitable hug. He loved how Christopher’s hugs were always full-bodied and suffocating because that was just how Buck needed them to be, especially then.

“Buck! Dad didn’t tell me you were coming over!” Christopher said excitedly and Buck was grateful that at least one of the duo was happy to see him. Even though he figured Eddie would be completely fine with the unexpected visit, his mind was too hazed with anxiety to accept that.

“That’s because he didn’t know, Bud. Where is he?” Buck asked, taking a few steps inside just as Eddie rounded the corner. Eddie’s face showed surprise and then immediate concern, and even once Buck smiled at him, the worry in his features seemed to only marginally lessen as he smiled back.

“Just in time to tuck Christopher into bed for the night!” Eddie yelled with a mock joy that did nothing to convince Christopher that bedtime was as exciting as Buck’s surprise arrival.

“But dad,” Christopher drawled out, “Buck just got here!” For a moment, Buck’s guilt must have been obvious, but Eddie scooped his son up in his arms with an easy explanation.

“And Buck can visit anytime he likes. That doesn’t mean you need to be awake for it. Go brush your teeth while I talk with him and we’ll both come say goodnight in a few minutes, okay?” Christopher sighed heavily as Eddie put him back on the ground, but peered around to Buck who nodded to confirm that he wasn’t going anywhere. If he had the opportunity to put his favorite kid to bed, he wouldn’t - and couldn’t when Christopher looked at him with such wide, pleading eyes - say no.

When Christopher was safely out of earshot, Eddie rested a hand on Buck’s shoulder and stated, “You barely ever come here without texting me first.” Buck huffed out a laugh.

“What? I’m not just allowed to come by ‘anytime I like’?” Buck quoted back at Eddie who looked very unimpressed having his words used against him. The ‘you know that’s not what I meant’ was clear in the way his eyebrows furrowed and his arms crossed over his chest. “I just needed a friend. I needed-- well, I needed you,” Buck admitted simply, and fortunately, that appeared to be enough.

“I’ve got a few beers in the fridge leftover from the game on Sunday and I think some juice and Gatorade? Take your pick,” Eddie offered from where he continued finishing up the dirty dishes from dinner. Buck needed to keep his hands busy or his nerves would get the best of him so he stood next to Eddie, holding his hands out for the next rinsed off dish. Eddie apparently decided to take the help and handed Buck the cleaned saucepot without a word.

Their bodies were aligned perfectly with arms pressed together snugly and Bucks’ socked foot nudging against Eddie’s slippered one with each pivot toward the dishwasher. It was comfortable in every sense of the word and just what Buck needed for his mind to finally start to simmer down. For a few minutes, all he focused on was the warmth radiating from Eddie’s body and the repetitive motions of putting the dishes away the exact way he knew Eddie wanted them. He started the dishwasher and all of the stress associated with his parent’s disappointment was washed away from him as if he put himself in the rinse cycle.

“Buck! Dad!” Christopher called from what sounded like his bedroom. As they walked together, Eddie’s hand never left the middle of Buck’s back as if he somehow knew exactly what Buck had needed from the moment he arrived.

“Ouch,” Eddie began and they entered Christopher’s room, “pushed to second place when his Buck is around. Really stings, kid.” Christopher grinned at them unaffected, his smile brighter than anything Buck had ever seen, and he patted his dad on the cheek.

“I like when both of you put me to bed,” Christopher stated and Buck’s heart exploded once more. He couldn’t resist leaning down and wrapping his arms around the kid as tight as he could, pressing an overexaggerated kiss to his temple and rubbing his cheek on Christopher’s out of control hair. Christopher didn’t seem to worry about the affection and held Buck back just as tight, and when Buck pulled away, Christopher held Buck’s face in his hands and leaned up enough to kiss his forehead firmly.

“You’re a good kid, Chris. You know that?” Buck asked, brushing his curly hair back from his forehead only for it to spring forward anyway.

“Yeah, I know. You’re my best friend. You and my daddy,” Christopher said simply as if those words weren’t everything Buck had ever hoped to hear. He couldn’t imagine ever saying those words about his own father, let alone to his own father and something about Chris admitting them so freely had his breath catching in his throat. He was rendered speechless and Buck was grateful when Eddie leaned into their space and kissed Christopher’s other temple gently before pulling the sheets over his chest.

“Love you, Christopher. Thank you for being such a good boy today and every day,” Eddie said as he stood.

“Love you more and I love you, Buck,” Christopher said easily as his eyes closed - as if it was the last thing he needed to make sure his dad and Buck knew before he fell into sleep.

“I love you, too, Chris, so much,” Buck answered as Eddie pulled him from the bedroom.

He felt like he could cry. He wasn’t sure if the tears that welled in his eyes were from Christopher’s words or from the impending doom that would be his own family’s gathering or even from exhaustion brought on by literally every single thing in his life. All he knew was that Eddie pulled him down the hallway and into the living room and when he was drawn into his best friend’s warm embrace, the dam inside of him cracked more than he wanted it to.

“Buck, what’s going on, man? I haven’t seen you like this since--” Buck was glad Eddie didn’t finish. There’d been way too many times that he had broken down in front of Eddie since they had met and he didn’t need a reminder of how weak he was, especially when he was sure he would get one from his parents soon enough. “Talk to me. You came here for a reason so you have to let me in, okay?” Eddie’s voice was on the edge of panic as he urged Buck to sit on the couch.

“Is it hard to be a parent?” Buck asked hastily. Eddie seemed to consider his question for a moment, but Buck didn’t like the way it sounded and backtracked, “Wait, that’s not--”

“You mean, why was it so hard for your parents to be good parents?” Eddie responded and Buck’s jaw dropped. Before he could ask how Eddie knew what he meant, he shrugged and explained, “You’ve been off since Maddie told you your parents were going to visit and she gave me the heads up that there’s history there I might not know.”

“Dammit, Maddie,” Buck cursed under his breath. Eddie let out a small laugh and rested a hand on Buck’s thigh, the small touch immediately sending a sense of calmness through Buck he couldn’t try to solve.

“She cares about you. I care about you. So will you let me answer your first question?” Buck nodded and Eddie took a preparing breath. “Being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m a veteran and a firefighter. But it’s also the easiest thing I’ve ever done because my life wouldn’t be the same without Christopher. It wouldn’t be nearly as exciting or worth living without him and I think you’d agree with me.”

“He’s the best kid I’ve ever met,” Buck said without thought because it was true. “He’s so easy to take care of and he listens more often than not and he’s got a sense of humor that won’t quit. He’s--”

“He’s a nine year old with Cerebral Palsy, a dead mother, and a single father that works 24-hour shifts on a weekly basis. He’s an incredible kid, don’t get me wrong, but he’s got more problems than you ever did.” Buck winced, but he couldn’t argue with that. Buck had it easy as a child and he shouldn’t be complaining just because his parents neglected his emotional needs a little.

“Yeah, I know I’m just overreacting--”

“Hey, no. Stop that,” Eddie said as Buck made to stand. Eddie pulled him back down and angled his head as if making sure Buck couldn’t look away from his eyes. “Buck, you’re not overreacting. Whatever you feel, whatever you went through as a kid, those emotions and-- and anger that you obviously feel toward your parents is extremely valid.” Buck felt all of the air leave his lungs and his heart jumped into his throat because no one had ever told him he was allowed to be upset.

Maddie had always asked him to give their parents a break, to cut them some slack and be grateful the siblings at least had each other. He tried his hardest to do just that, but there were only so many times his parents could miss his football games or ignore his obvious attempts at scrounging for attention before the resentment for them rose into too much for any kid to handle.

But no one in his life - his sister or other distant relatives, his guidance counselors or teachers, his friend’s parents, all of whom saw how he was impacted - had ever told him it was okay to feel angry or that it was okay to expect more from the people who raised him.

“My parents, they--” Buck choked on tears that he tried so hard to hold back. The only calmness around him came from Eddie’s hand rubbing soothing circles on his back and his other resting gently on Buck’s thigh. He didn’t have time to be embarrassed by the intimacy of the touches or to think too much about what they might have meant as he continued, “They never saw me. It was like I didn’t even exist to them. Like-- Like I was just some sort of accident they couldn’t rewind time to fix. I was so alone in the world besides Maddie, but even then, she found Doug and left me as soon as she could. It was like every person I met didn’t care if I disappeared and everyone else disappeared even though I cared.”

Eddie hummed in what sounded like understanding before asking, “Have your parents ever offered you an explanation?”

“Yeah, right,” Buck said sharply. He softened his tone when he realized Eddie’s hand had stopped moving on his back and glanced back up at his friend with a sad smile on his face. “It was always my fault. I was too reckless, too wild, too hard to handle, too exhausting . It made me easy to give up on.” Eddie opened his mouth as if to apologize or argue against Buck’s words but Buck shook his head and rested his hand on top of Eddie’s where his fingertips started to dig into his thigh.

“You don’t give up on your kids,” Eddie said simply. His eyebrows furrowed, his nose flared and he pressed his lips together so tightly, the skin around them started to pale. Buck could see the frustration rising in him and tried to smile to lighten the mood but it wasn’t enough. “No, you-- Kids are so hard to raise, but a parent has to be there for them before they decide to give up, and even then! I would never give up on Christopher and you have no idea many people have told me I have or even should .”

“Excuse me?” Buck interrupted, his own anger bubbling inside at the insinuation that Christopher wasn’t worth the entire world.

“That shouldn’t be surprising, Buck. Like I said, he’s got a disability that inhibits his quality of life - even if he or either of us doesn’t see it that way - and he’s gone through more trauma than any kid should ever have to handle at his age. It would make sense for me to send him off to a boarding school for kids with special needs or to live with his grandparents who are way more equipped to handle him than I am,” Eddie explained. Buck had a hard time processing what he was hearing because Eddie would never do that to Christopher, there was no way.

“Have you thought about that?” Buck asked, his eyes searching Eddie’s for the truth.

Eddie sighed and nodded. “Yeah, of course I have,” he admitted with shame resonating in his voice. “There are nights where I just want to-- I don’t know, lock myself in my room and forget that I have this responsibility or days where I just wish I could catch a freaking break.”

For the first time since Buck had known Eddie, he felt anger towards his best friend. He thought of Christopher; who told Buck he was his best friend, who reminded him that everything was going to be okay, and told him he was good, and couldn’t possibly imagine ever wanting that to disappear. He thought that if Christopher was his kid, he would have never considered those alternatives.

Then he looked back at the last few years he had known the family and realized there had been plenty of opportunities for Eddie to do even more than consider. He could have sent Christopher to one of the schools Carla had found during their search that required boarding or even let Christopher go home with his grandparents when they begged Eddie to move back to Texas. Eddie could have ‘made his life easier’ if that’s what he wanted, but he chose not to.

“So,” Buck began, gripping Eddie’s hand tight in his as if grasping onto comfort and hoping it never went away, “what did you do instead?”

“I loved him anyway. Through everything - the hard times, the fun times, the times where I wanted to pull my hair out or put him in timeout and never let him out - I just… love him anyway.”

_____________

The dinner was going about half as bad as Buck had figured it would be. He had to resist the urge to check the watch on his wrist every few minutes, knowing that if he stayed too late, he might not be able to find himself over at Eddie’s again when he needed it. He had texted Eddie as he paced outside his sister’s house and asked that Eddie message him at exactly eight on the dot so he could have an excuse to leave. He realized pretty quickly after the dinner had begun that he was going to need his best friend. First, it was the comment about his ‘dangerous’ career and then Buck was reminded of the number of hospital stays he endured without his parents sending so much as a card.

Then they brought out the box of memories of Maddie that they kept for her entire childhood only to be eerily silent when his was nowhere to be found. Chimney tried to ease the tension that hazed the room, but there was nothing that could be done. Buck stared down at his still full plate - he had lost his appetite almost immediately - to try and ignore the conversation around him but he couldn’t.

Not when it became increasingly clear that his parents had every opportunity to choose to love him and they just… didn’t.

It was one snipe at Maddie or Chim and then back to Buck after another and he couldn’t find it in himself to sit there a second longer keeping his mouth shut as he had been forced to the entirety of his young life. When his mother made yet another comment about Doug full well knowing how uncomfortable Maddie - and subsequently, Chim - were at the topic, Buck couldn’t stay calm anymore.

“You never gave up hope?” Buck asked, the venom on his tongue paralyzing everyone around the table. Maddie begged him to stop, the plea clear in her voice and her eyes because she just wanted the night to go smoothly, but Buck refused. “United front, remember?”

Buck barely registered the excuses that spilled from his parent’s mouths; that they never gave up hope for Maddie or that they didn’t know Doug was hurting her. Buck reminded them that while, in their twisted minds, they never gave up hope, they gave up on Maddie. They didn’t help her when she was being beaten to a pulp almost every single night or bother to prove they were there for her, for either of them. Buck was so focused on Maddie, he forgot that they had neglected him, too.

“Actually, you know what? Maybe it does track, because you barely knew what was going on with your own kids when we were under the same roof. Maybe you never gave up hope,” Buck took a deep breath to try and push back the shakiness in his voice so his words might stick, “but you sure as hell gave up on her. You gave up on both of us.”

Buck pushed out of his chair, ignoring the pained eyes of his parents and the sympathetic gazes from Chimney and Maddie. He knew he should just leave, get out of there before he said something he was really going to regret, but his therapist had warned him again continuing to avoid confrontation with the people he cared about so he carried on, holding his arms up and out as if they were shields and turned back toward his parents.

“Oh, and, uh, and you wanna know why I'm really in therapy? It is because I have spent my entire life feeling like a constant disappointment. And you wanna talk about our jobs? You think my job is dangerous?” A ghost of a laugh settled somewhere in his chest. “I have walked through fire every single day of my life because of you!” Buck spat, his throat burning with emotion, his voice like gravel with anger and resentment. “ That is why I am in therapy. Because nothing I ever did was good enough!”

“We tried, but you always…” His dad began and there it was again; that blame that Buck held onto ever since he was a kid and that he carried with him into adulthood.

“You never made it easy on us!” His mom interrupted with tears falling down her cheeks. Because somehow, even after everything he had said, everything was still Buck’s fault. He was never going to get through to them that maybe - just maybe - they were what was wrong. “Either one of you.”

“We were supposed to? We were kids,” Maddie chimed in, her voice breaking with every word. Buck wanted to comfort her but when he glanced over, he realized Chimney had his arm wrapped around her, protecting her from the arguing and the emotion that fogged over them. He was momentarily grateful because for once, he didn’t have to worry about anyone besides himself. Something tugged inside of Buck because there was no one to protect him because the people who were supposed to do just that were looking up at him like they never wanted to see him again.

“Evan, I don't know what you expected us to do!” His mother cried and Eddie’s voice was so clear in his mind.

‘What did you do instead?’ ‘I loved him anyway.’

Buck relented. He was done with the fighting, finished with the way his heart constricted in his chest like the rope his parents tied around it when he was a child was about to slice it in two. He didn't want to feel alone anymore and he was reminded that he was far from it when his phone went off in his pocket. The small vibration that only he could feel resonated through his entire body and soul because with one glance at the clock, he knew the message would belong to Eddie. Even when he felt like he was all alone, Eddie reminded him that wasn’t the case and, without even knowing, pushed Buck into saying exactly what his parents needed to hear.

“Love me anyway.”

#buddie #buddie fic #911 on fox #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #coda fic #4x4 coda #love me anyway #has that line just been on repeat in anyone elses head???#no???#just me??#lak;sdjflkasjfl;as #my writing

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ourladylennon · 3 years

Note

Hi, how are you our beloved lady? I hope ur doing good. I want to know your opinion to mbti stuff. What do you think about that? And what do you think about Beatles mbti stuff?

Tulip!!! How are you? I am so sorry it took me this long to answer- I could not figure out the best way to present the information for this ask or what would be the best information *to* share. I actually *love* MBTI, I think it’s fascinating. It really helps you understand yourself and others better. As far as the Beatles, there is a lot of debate about their types, but I have compiled a list of the most commonly accepted type for each Beatle with a break down below the cut!

John: INFP, “the Healer” (function stack: Fi-Ne-Si-Te) or ENFP “the Champion” (function stack: Ne-Fi-Te-Si)

A concise picture: generous, kind, charming, empathetic, sensitive, perceptive, strong personal values, introspective, imaginative, idealistic, individualistic, lively, spontaneous, adaptable, big picture, forward looking, long term oriented // can be impractical, disorganized, tendency to overthink, easily offended, disregard for rules/traditions/norms

Paul: ISFP, “the Composer” (function stack: Fi-Se-Ni-Te) or ESFJ “the Provider” (function stack: Fe-Si-Ne-Ti)

A concise picture: kind, charming, warm, caretaker, sympathetic, sensitive, observant, reserved, practical, level-headed, “live in the moment”, sensory based, detail oriented, action oriented, strong sense of “right & wrong”, curious, competitive, literal // easily bored, thrill-seeking, unpredictable, “black & white”, short term oriented, intensely private, detached, aloof, fiercely independent, can be inflexible, worried with social-status

George: INFJ, “the Counselor” (function stack: Ni-Fe-Ti-Se)

A concise picture: altruistic, affirming, nurturing, compassionate, empathetic, sensitive, perceptive, strong personal values, introspective, visionary, idealistic, individualistic, seeking meaning, insightful, big picture, forward looking, long term oriented, value organization, decisive, reserved, firm // intensely private, deeply sensitive, perfectionists- prone to burn out, overthinking, need for a cause, uncompromising

Ringo: ESFP, “the Performer” (function stack: Se-Fi-Te-Ni)

A concise picture: generous, kind, charming, warm, sympathetic, friendly, easy-going, observant, practical, tolerant, accepting, spontaneous, playful, enthusiastic, resourceful, adaptable, “live in the moment”, sensory based, action oriented, strong sense of “right & wrong”, literal // easily bored, thrill-seeking, unpredictable, “black & white”, short term oriented, frivolous, materialistic, deeply sensitive, conflict averse

Note: MBTI code is comprised of four functions: iNtuition or Sensing, Feeling or Thinking. Intuition and sensing are perceiving functions: how you gather and assimilate data. Feeling and thinking are judging functions: how you use that information to make decisions. Each of these functions can either be Introverted (introspective, self-reflective, subjective) or Extraverted (objective, facing the outer world, expressed outwardly); for example, Introverted Feeling= Fi, Extraverted iNtuition= Ne, etc.

John: INFP, “the Healer” (function stack: Fi-Ne-Si-Te) or ENFP “the Champion” (function stack: Ne-Fi-Te-Si)

Both are very convincing. As you can imagine, these two types are very similar and their differences are more like nuances. It probably comes as no surprise that XNFP are known to be “dreamers” who act as mediators amongst people, desire harmony and look toward the future and see endless possibilities. This combination of being iNtuitive + Feeling dominant makes for a very empathetic subject who has a knack for reading between the lines; they both understand human emotion and relate to others well, but on the flip side, they can be hotheaded and quick to take offense: both for themselves and others. At the core of both, these types have strong moral values and use value judgements to make decisions, i.e. "this is good this is bad". They use their Ne/Ni absorb information from the meanings and impressions they gather and search for patterns in data to quickly see the bigger picture, and then use emotions to make decisions based around that. Though they are XNFP are generally open minded and adaptable, when their personal values are called into question, they sense injustice, they sense inauthenticity, or if someone tries to control them is when they can become upset. They do not like to be limited because they desire freedom, options, and don’t like redundancy. Communication style is likely to be abstract, metaphorical. Though they crave close connections, they become drained from social interaction. Depending on whether INFP or ENFP, there are subtle differences. For example, ENFP leads with Ne, meaning, they may be quicker to materialize their ideas (the more spontaneous of the two), whereas the INFP will spend more time reflecting "what if" before doing. This bleeds into other aspects; ENFP may be more lively, spouting things off the top of their heads without reflecting, they're a people's person. INFP is a little more introspective before diving head first and spilling everything. XNFP tend to constantly assess their value and desire validation.

(I did see people throw John around as an INTP/ENTP. They’re mildly convincing, but much less likely. His Fe/Fi seems too present to be a Te/Ti)

Paul: ISFP, “the Composer” (function stack: Fi-Se-Ni-Te) or ESFJ “the Provider” (function stack: Fe-Si-Ne-Ti)

Both are very convincing. These literally have the *exact same* function stack order, but the energy of each function points in different directions (which ultimately does make a difference even though it may not seem like it). With both of these types, we typically see someone who is observant, practical, and very rooted in the present. This combination of Sensing + Feeling dominant makes for a very caring individual who both enjoys and is good at nurturing others, but on the flip side, they can be quick to take offense and may shut down/withdraw. XSFX types are known for being reserved with their emotions/needs and likewise reserved in showing emotion and tend to do so through their actions, rather than words. At the core of both, just as with other feeler-types, they have strong moral values and use value judgements to make decisions, i.e. "this is good this is bad". However, they use their Se/Si to observe and absorb information through their physical reality, often referencing from past experiences to fill in the details in order to build the bigger picture, and then use emotions to make decisions based around that. Though both types are generally seen as level-headed and adaptable, when their personal values or character are called into question (because they have a very clear picture of their values; they know who they are) or their good-nature is taken advantage of is when they can become upset. They do not like to be limited because they prefer to be in control and do not like uncertainty. Communication style is likely to be direct, literal. While ESFJ love bringing people together and ISFP may enjoy small groups & close connections, they both become drained from social interaction. Depending on whether ISFP or ESFJ there are subtle differences, the most apparent being that ESFJ prefer more structure than ISFP, and likewise, the ISFP may be a little more spontaneous as they seek to stimulate their Se. ESFJ will also likely be a bit more outgoing with Fe being in play as their dominant trait, whereas the ISFP may be more socially reserved (Fi), though no less charming or socially aware. They both have a knack for understanding what is expected of them but ISFP is less likely to bend for others whereas the ESFJ seeks group harmony. Both types tend to put others first and are reluctant to ask for their needs, and in combination with simultaneously being sure of their values and sure others understand those without question, they may have a heightened desire for praise to validate their actions & themselves. Both types often don't feel seen for the amount of care they put in for others and desire to be appreciated.

(Fun thing I saw mentioned a lot and felt relative to Paul: ISFP are said to enjoy aesthetic beauty of things- clothing, art, etc. without needing the abstract meaning to make it so; they just simply like it for what it is. This is likely because their Se is grabbing for anything stimulating and then introverted Feeling (Fi) says “oh yes, this makes me feel good!” Can we say hello MMT sweater vest?)

George: INFJ, “the Counselor” (function stack: Ni-Fe-Ti-Se)

As you can imagine, INFJ is going to be similar to XNFP on the surface: dreamy, idealistic, empathetic. What sets them apart is that INFJ tend to have a bit more structure and a little bit more of an analytical mind. The combination of being iNtuitive + Feeling dominant is going to still give that very empathetic subject who has a knack for reading between the line, but there is a subtle difference with INFP's mirroring others emotions (Fi) and INFJ's absorbing others emotions (Fe). INFJ understand human emotion and relate to others well, but on the flip side, they can become angry when someone upsets group harmony or overwhelmed from constantly assessing emotions. At the core of INFJ, just as with the other feeler-types, they have strong moral values and use value judgements to make decisions, i.e. "this is good this is bad". They absorb information from the meanings and impressions they gather and search for patterns in data to see the bigger picture and use emotions to make decisions based around that. Though they are generally open minded and adaptable, when their personal values are called into question, they sense injustice, or if someone dismisses their ideas they can become upset. While they enjoy freedom to explore many possibilities, they do well with a bit of routine and organization to help see their ideas through. Communication style is likely to be abstract, metaphorical. Though they crave close connections, they become drained from social interaction. INFJ's often feel like people don't get them and desire to be understood.

Ringo: ESFP, “the Performer” (function stack: Se-Fi-Te-Ni)

ESFP is a beautiful blend of all the cognitive functions and that's why it's often labeled at the "entertainer" type. They're practical, but not rigid; they’re bubbly, but they’re deep; they’re spontaneous, but they’re down to earth; they’re honest, but not too blunt; they’re just all around the kind of people who can bring people together. The combination of Sensing + Feeling dominant makes for a very caring individual who is warm towards others and overall inviting, but on the flip side, they can be quick to take offense and may erupt or shut down. At the core of ESFP, just as with the other feeler-types, they have strong moral values and use value judgements to make decisions, i.e. "this is good this is bad". They use their Se/Si to observe and absorb information through their physical reality, often referencing from past experiences to fill in the details in order to build the bigger picture, and then use emotions to make decisions based around that. Though generally seen as one of the most easy-going types, when their feelings are dismissed or their general exuberance is mistaken for shallowness, they're forced to make decisions, or they find themselves stuck amongst negativity is when they might become upset. They do not like to be limited because they desire freedom and dislike rigorous routine. Communication style is likely to be direct, literal- to be clear, too much abstract information might drive an ESFP crazy, and unlike some of the other Sensor types- do not like too many details. ESFP are social by nature and find socializing fulfilling.

How this applies to their relationship dynamic:

This is my favorite part and if you’ve read this far- please like go treat yourself for your good work. Not only do the general stereotypes of their personalities fit them so well, but it literally shows just how real the contrast of John & Paul and Paul & George is and how similar John & George are.

But mainly, I just want to focus on J/P because I. fucking. love. it. Just think about it. John: Strawberry Fields. Paul: Penny Lane. SAME concept- ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STYLE. Intuition vs sensing at its finest. It’s clear as day. (wonderful video by one of my favorite MBTI youtubers, appropriately titled: Intuition vs Sensing, Explained with The Beatles)

Not only that, but I always think back to Geoff Emerick’s biography when I was reading about their work in the studio:

“John always had plenty of ideas about how he wanted his songs to sound’ he knew in his mind what he wanted to hear. The problem was that, unlike Paul, he had a great difficulty expressing those thoughts in anything but the most abstract terms. Whereas Paul might say, ‘This song needs brass and timpani,’ John’s direction might be more like ‘Give me the feel of James Dean gunning his motorcycle down a highway.’ ”

“In the midst of all this, John had been listening repeatedly to his acetate of ‘Strawberry Fields Forever,’ and he decided he didn’t like it. For someone who was normally so articulate, it always amaze me how he would struggle for words whenever he tried to Tell George Martin how he wanted a song arrange. This time around, he just kept mumbling, ‘I don’t know. I just think it should somehow be heavier.’ ‘Heavier how, John?’ George asked. ‘I dunno, just kind of, y’know…heavy.’ Paul did his best to translate John’s abstract notion into concrete musical form. Pointing out how well the flue sound on the Mellotron had worked, he suggested that perhaps some outside musicians be brought in, that the song be scored for some orchestral instrumentation. John loved the idea, specifically requesting cellos and trumpets.”

Furthermore, this entire paragraph that I don’t feel like typing out:

God, I could seriously just go ON about those two. Honestly, Geoff’s book has been incredibly insightful to their nature (pretty sure this book is responsible for when I started falling *in love* with Paul). There are tons of examples to go with the MBTI typing, but I realize this is already at great length so I’ll refrain.

Now that I’ve nearly written a whole book, I’d like to say some words: this is by no means an all inclusive or exhaustive review of MBTI & I am no expert. There are so many other facets of MBTI that go much deeper than this, but I felt for the purpose of general explaining, it made most sense to stay at surface level (which incidentally made me feel like i’m providing a useless analysis). Hope you learned even a little bit or got some sort of fun out of it!

If you have specific questions, feel free to ask and I’ll try and make sense of the MBTI madness!

#this is massive because i didn't know how to bring such a complex subject into a concise post haha #read at your own risk #i made whole ass infographics on this and then realized i was in too deep and tried to back up and make it more approachable #for the record: i'm an intp and that's just what we do #tulip every time you send an ask i see myself in you for this reason #lol our thirst for patterns and knowledge are unquenchable #asks #<3 #quasimodosdream #character study #john lennon #paul mccartney #george harrison #ringo starr #john x paul

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wheresmynaya · 3 years

Text

Lost in the Lights Ch.14|Brittana

A/N - Apologies for the wait, finding the time to write isn't as easy as it used to be and the struggle was extra real with this chapter 😅

Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x) wattpad (x) & under the cut!

As exhausting as it has been for her to deal with the student body this past week, Brittany’s feeling more amped up than ever as she wakes early Friday morning. Firstly, it marks the end of such a weird week. Secondly, it’s the first Friday she has had off since school started. Thirdly, she and Santana are going on their first date tonight.

Brittany’s got a lot of things going for her today and there isn’t anything that can bring her down from the incredible mood she’s in! She just hopes that the school day goes by as fast as this entire week has.

Brittany’s all smiles as she puts her car in park and looks over to Santana through her passenger side window. When she catches Santana’s eye, Brittany gives the Co-Captain a little wave before reaching over to grab her book bag and hopping out.

“Hey Britt,” Santana greets happily as she gets out of her car too. She ends up doing a double take when she sees that Brittany’s put in a little more effort than usual with her hair and make up today.

Brittany blushes a little as she watches Santana check her out. Fridays are usually the days she wears her jersey and letterman jacket, but since the Titans don’t have a game today she figured she’d spend a little extra time getting ready. After all, it’s kind of a special day.

“Can you be a little less obvious?” Brittany jokes and Santana’s gaze quickly shoots up to meet hers.

“Sorry,” Santana says bashfully, “I’m just – you look really good. I mean, you always look good but even more so today.”

Brittany gives her a shy smile as she tucks her hair behind her ear, “Thanks, Santana.”

Santana returns the expression with her own little grin before she’s sliding her pinky into Brittany’s as if it’s second nature by now. Brittany tries to keep her cool as Santana gives her finger a little squeeze.

“Ready to head inside?” Santana asks casually, “I have to stop by Ms. Pillsbury’s office before class but I can walk with you to our lockers first.”

Brittany can only nod before letting Santana lead the way.

When they go their separate ways, Brittany so wishes she could just bend down and kiss Santana. She knows she could, but she likes where they are and how they’ve been progressing even if it’s a little slow. Santana’s baby steps are more than Brittany could ask for!

As the quarterback enters her first class of the day, she spots Kurt sitting in his usual seat and quickly makes her way over. Her text yesterday to him had gone unanswered so this is the first time she has gotten to speak to him since she found out about what the hockey team did.

“Hey Kurt,” Brittany greets before taking her seat next to him. She’s unsure if she should ask how he is considering he looks like he hasn’t slept all night judging by the bags under his eyes.

“Hello,” He says quietly, “Sorry I didn’t respond to your text yesterday.”

“Don’t be,” Brittany assures him, “How…are you?”

Kurt shrugs before he lets out a sigh, “It wasn’t the first time I’ve been slushied like that. It’s more annoying than anything. I worked so hard on that blazer and it’s completely ruined now.”

“I’m so sorry, Kurt,” Brittany frowns, “I spoke with Rick and some of his guys yesterday so hopefully that’s the last time he slushies anyone. They’re trying to get a rise out of us on purpose, make us throw the game because they know Figgins suspends people for fighting.”

“If they aren’t winning, I guess no one else can either,” Kurt replies as he shakes his head.

“Exactly.”

“I guess there’s one good thing that came out of this though.”

Brittany looks to him curiously, “What?”

“They didn’t slushy me for being gay,” Kurt gives her a weak smile, “They did it because I’m a Titan.”

Brittany watches Kurt’s smile start to grow and it makes hers do the same.

She has watched the dynamic between Kurt and the team strengthen in her time at McKinley, it’s one of the things that she’s most proud of as Team Captain. Although no one should really be slushied for any reason, she knows how important this is for Kurt. Those guys targeted him because he’s apart of this team – which is something he chose to be apart of – not because of something he has no control over like his sexuality.

For someone like Kurt who has grown up with these people and has lived in Lima all his life, that’s big. In a roundabout way, it makes Brittany feel hopeful for Santana too.

Maybe this school really is changing?

\\\\\

Santana takes her seat before Ms. Pillsbury and tries to keep her nerves in check as best as she can. The guidance counselor is the least intimidating person Santana has ever met, but for some reason she feels a little more on edge than usual as the woman sorts through the paperwork.

“I’m so glad you’ve changed your mind. There are quite a few schools that have their eye on you and I believe you’ll make a great addition to any you chose,” Ms. Pillsbury rambles, “You are an incredible student with perfect grades, nearly perfect attendance and you’re involved in extracurriculars.”

Santana twists her fingers in her lap as she watches Ms. Pillsbury go through the paperwork. She has been working hard on these applications in secret which probably isn’t the best approach considering she has yet to speak to her dad. She just figures that if she gets accepted to some of these schools first that maybe it won’t be so bad when she finally has that conversation with him.

Harvard doesn’t have to be the end all be all? She’ll show him that if these schools accept her.

“Wow, you’ve definitely been busy,” Ms. Pillsbury jokes in attempt to lighten the mood as she flicks through another completed application.

Santana forces a smile and keeps watching. She was the one who asked for this meeting, she was the one who wanted Ms. Pillsbury’s help, so why does she feel so weird now that she’s here? It isn’t until Ms. Pillsbury stops and gives Santana a kind smile that she finally eases up.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Santana?” She asks gently, “You look as though you may have some reservations which is perfectly fine. Harvard is a very prestigious school and – “

“I’m sure,” Santana responds, “I want to do this. I know I’ve been declining looking at any other schools but I’m done with pursuing Harvard.”

“Okay,” Ms. Pillsbury nods albeit a little surprised.

“It’s not what I want anymore,” Santana admits, “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted it really. What I do want are options, ones that I feel are right for me and what I want to do in the future. That’s why I’m doing this.”

“And what is it that you want to do in the future?”

Santana’s shoulders droop, “I just need a little more time figuring that part out.”

Ms. Pillsbury nods, but the silence makes Santana feel as though she needs to explain.

“I have an idea – I think – I just want to be sure first,” Santana explains, “But I am trying to sort it out.”

Ms. Pillsbury smiles, “That’s okay, Santana. You don’t need to have everything figured out all att once.”

“I can still send out these applications without knowing yet, right?” Santana asks, “I don’t want to hang onto them too long and miss deadlines or something.”

“Of course. It’s not uncommon to go undecided or even change majors later on,” Ms. Pillsbury explains, “In the meantime, we’ll send these applications off. If you need any assistance in choosing or if you just want to chat about whatever programs the schools offer my door is always open.”

Santana smiles in return, “Thanks.”

“Not a problem,” Ms. Pillsbury smiles.

Santana bites her lip nervously before adding, “Would you mind keeping this between us?”

Ms. Pillsbury looks to Santana curiously.

“I just – I haven’t spoken to my dad about this yet,” Santana explains, “I know my dad checks in with you to make sure I’m on the right track with Harvard.”

Ms. Pillsbury softens before nodding, “Of course, Santana. This will stay between us.”

\\\\\

By lunchtime, Brittany’s itching for the school day to finally be over. Her hopes for it to breeze by have been dashed by a pop quiz during her first class and getting assigned super boring book work in her second. The last half of her day is her favorite though and she has a little more pep to her step as she walks with Kurt to their usual table with their lunch.

Only this time, Puck and Finn are lingering there with their lunch trays in hand.

“Everything alright?” Brittany asks them.

“Yeah. We’re cool,” Finn nods as he looks between Brittany and Kurt, “You guys want to sit with us today?”

“Both of us?” Kurt looks a little surprised when Finn nods, “But my friends? I usually sit with them.”

Brittany watches as Kurt looks forlornly to Mercedes and Tina who sit and stare at the Titans with wide eyes. All they’re missing is popcorn with the way they’re watching.

“We know. It’s just,” Finn stumbles on finding the right words.

“This is our way of protecting you and showing those jerk-offs,” Puck says the insult a little louder as he notices Rick and a couple of his guys listening in on the conversation, “That if they want to pick on you they’re going to have to pick on all of us.”

Although his heart is in the right place, Brittany shakes her head at Puck’s words, “No one’s picking on anyone. Like I said at practice yesterday, that’s exactly what they want from us.”

“Well there’s strength in numbers or something, right?” Finn suggests, “If you guys sit with us then it shows how united we are or whatever. We’re more of a team than they’ll ever be.”

Brittany softens, “That we are.”

“Okay, then come sit with us.”

“Look, that’s sweet but I don’t want to leave my friends behind,” Kurt says though, “We shouldn’t have to stay with our cliques to keep from being bullied. I haven’t changed who I am since it stared and I’m not going to do it any time soon.”

Finn and Puck exchange a look before glancing to Brittany for back up.

“It’s his decision,” Brittany shrugs.

“Okay,” Finn nods then he and Puck return to their usual table with the rest of the Titans.

“Well that was unexpected,” Mercedes comments as Kurt and Brittany take a seat.

“Tell me about it,” Kurt chuckles lightly, “Since that day I got slushied, Finn’s been taking this whole Big Brother thing super seriously.”

“That’s kind of nice,” Tina smiles.

Brittany’s just about to agree when one of the lunch monitors yells out, “What do you think you’re doing, Hudson?”

When Brittany and the rest of her friends turn towards the commotion, they find Finn and Puck along with the rest of the Titans lifting their table. It’s maybe ten guys all together and Brittany stares with this dumbfounded look on her face as she watches them carry it across the room.

Santana and Quinn are just entering the cafeteria and have to stop and wait as the Titans carry the table through their path. The Co-Captains look back and forth, trying to connect the dots with equally confused looks on their faces. In fact, everyone in the cafeteria stare in awe as this table moves across the way.

It isn’t until the Titans are just a few feet away from Brittany and her friends that they finally set it back down.

“Sorry,” Finn apologizes to the lunch monitor, “We just wanted to be closer to our teammates.”

The man looks baffled by Finn’s explanation but ends up shaking his head, “Just move it back to where it needs to be by the end of lunch.”

“You got it!” Finn replies happily.

“What are you doing, Finn?” Kurt scolds, “You’re going to get the whole team in trouble.”

“Nah, Mr. Philips is alright,” He shrugs, “Besides, if you don’t want to leave your friends then we’ll just come sit with you instead.”

Brittany can’t believe she’s witnessing this and just smiles proudly as Santana comes around behind her. There’s a soft touch to her shoulder before she’s turning to look up at the brunette.

“I can’t wait to hear the story behind this,” Santana smirks as she nods to the Titans carrying on with their lunch as usual.

“I’m still trying to figure it out,” Brittany chuckles but then she notices Santana lingering behind her twirling the tips of Brittany’s hair around her finger.

“You should curl your hair more often,” Santana says before bending down a little so that she can whisper in Brittany’s ear, “It makes you look super hot.”

Brittany starts to smirk as she tilts her head, “You’re on a roll with the compliments today.”

Santana only gives her a wink before she and Quinn head to the front of the lunch line: Co-Captain perks.

Brittany watches her go, more importantly the tantalizing sway of her hips in that Cheerios skirt. She really does have the hottest girlfriend ever. As she’s turning back around to finish her lunch, she catches Rick’s eye and the way he glares at her and the Titans makes all the alarm bells in her head start to ring.

She stares him down with that same determined look in her eye as the other day where they clashed in the hall and it’s enough to have him brushing her off…for now. It makes Brittany wonder, maybe it was a good idea that the Titans are all so close together; just like Finn said, there’s strength in numbers…or something.

By the end of the school day, Brittany’s as eager as ever to get the hell out of there. She and Santana spent all last class working together on their assignments while also ironing out the details of their date later. Brittany narrowed it down to one movie that she thought they’d might like to see – with the help of Mike, Sam and Quinn – and she was so excited about it that she already bought the tickets online.

“Oh. I can pay you back,” Santana had said, “How much was it?”

“Pay me back?” Brittany giggled, “You don’t have to, I’m not that much of a cheap date.”

“At least let me pay for snacks?”

“Nope! It’s all taken care of.”

After a couple more assuring words from Brittany, Santana finally let it go. Instead, she promised that she’d pay for everything on their next date. Brittany was more than happy to agree to that, loving that Santana was already wanting to go out again.

After class let out for the day and they stowed away the books they won’t be needing for the weekend in their lockers, Santana and Brittany feel oddly displaced knowing they don’t have to rush off to get ready for a game. Brittany knows some of the guys on the team are getting together for a quick practice without Coach Beiste which she knows she probably should attend.

“You going to head home?” Santana asks as they linger by their lockers.

Brittany shifts from side to side, “I want to but my inner Team Captain voice is telling me to practice with the guys.”

“Isn’t it meant to be your day off though?”

“Yeah, but it’s less about having to do the work and more about being apart of the team,” Brittany shrugs, “What are you going to do? Our date isn’t for another few hours.”

Santana smiles, “Maybe I’ll go shopping with Quinn. She was saying she wants to get something cute to wear for bowling. Maybe I’ll get something cute to wear too?”

Brittany starts to grin at the possibilities, “And here I was thinking you were just going to wear your Cheerios uniform.”

“I still can,” Santana jokes.

“No, no,” Brittany laughs, “Wear whatever you want. I’m sure you’ll look great in anything.”

“We’ll see,” Santana smirks, “Well, I’ll let you go to practice then.”

“Okay,” Brittany replies, “I’ll pick you up around 6:30?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Okay cool,” Brittany says then gives a quick look around to check that they’re alone. When she sees that the coast is clear she leans in, “I’m going to kiss you goodbye now.”

Santana only smiles as she closes the distance for a sweet kiss on the lips. It doesn’t last nearly as long as Brittany would’ve liked, but again – progress.

“See you later,” Brittany waves as she starts to head to the gym.

Santana waves goodbye in return, her smitten little smile still on her lips as she does so.

Turns out, football practice was exactly what Brittany needed to get rid of some of those pent up nerves for tonight. Without Coach Beiste supervising, the Titans were able to have a more casual practice that didn’t leave them feeling completely exhausted. By the end of it, Brittany was running on the adrenaline of a great practice and headed straight home to get ready for her date.

She took her time showering, making sure to scrub off the grass and sweat, before setting off to do her hair. She opted for subtle beach waves again since they seemed to be a hit with Santana at school. While she worked on her make up, she thought about the Co-Captain and wondered what she would be wearing for tonight and if Brittany had anything in her wardrobe that could compare.

She doubted it; the handful of times she has seen Santana in regular clothes, they’ve always been tight skirts and low cut blouses or these cute dresses that seemed to be crafted just to accentuate Santana’s curves. Brittany’s outfits weren’t really like that. Her choices were usually on the more eccentric side but she always seemed to pull off whatever odd combination she threw together as if it were made for the cover of Teen Vogue.

This time wouldn’t be any different. At least, that’s what she hoped for as she raided her closet for an outfit. She tried on this and that and paired that blouse with those trousers or scraped it all and went for overalls until she was satisfied with what she had on.

Then it was off to doing her makeup which she usually wore pretty light but since this was a special occasion, she wanted to do something extra. She spent time on her eyeshadow and lashes and even added a little highlight to the apples of her cheeks. She knew Santana would be looking as great as ever, but she also wanted to make sure that she looked the part too.

“Woah!” Pete gasps from behind Brittany, nearly giving her a heart attack, “Why are you so dressed up?”

“Geez, you scared me!” Brittany chuckles as she does some final touches before spinning to face her brother, “I’m going to the movies with Santana tonight. How do I look?”

Pete squints his eyes and taps at his chin before giving her a thumbs up.

“Awesome! Thanks, Petey.”

“Can I got to the movies too?” Pete wonders as he hops up on her bed.

“Not this time,” Brittany ruffles up his hair, “It’s kind of meant to just be me and Santana.”

“Oh…”

“But we can hang out tomorrow?” Brittany assures him, “I saw a cool documentary I want to show you about sea turtles plus Santana wants to come over and play some Monopoly with us.”

“Really?” Pete asks with wide eyes, “Does she know I’m the world champion of Monopoly?”

Brittany chuckles, “She will after she plays you.”

Pete grins devilishly, “I can’t wait for tomorrow now.”

“Me neither,” Brittany replies before grabbing her bag and heading for the door, “Come on, I have to get going soon. Don’t want to be late, that’s not good date etiquette.”

“Oh, you’re going on a date,” Pete sings the last word playfully before scrunching up his nose, “I definitely don’t wanna go anymore.”

Brittany only laughs as the two of them head downstairs.

When Brittany arrives to Santana’s house, Santana is already making her way down the driveway while Maribel waves at them. Brittany rolls down her window and returns the greeting with a wave and a Hi Maribel before Santana’s hopping in the passenger side.

“Have you been waiting outside for me?” Brittany asks as Santana buckles in, “I would’ve knocked on the door like a proper date?”

Santana chuckles, “No, my mom just came home and I knew you wouldn’t be that far away judging by your text.”

“Oh okay,” Brittany nods and focuses back on driving.

It’s not until they get out onto the main road that Brittany starts to feel some of those nerves from earlier resurface. It kind of confuses her because she’s been nothing but excited since the moment Santana agreed to doing this, but now that they’re here she can’t help but feel extra giddy.

It’s been awhile since she has gone out on a date like this. The last person she dated had such a busy schedule and it was often hard to plan outings, let alone spend time together. That was ultimately their downfall and Brittany sometimes worries if that could be a problem for her and Santana too.

They’re lucky they have the same lunch block and share a class, but it’s also important to her that they spend time together outside of school as well. She knows it’s a little difficult with them both being involved in a sport but at least they’re off to a good start so far.

“What are you thinking so hard about over?” Santana chuckles.

Brittany glances at her from the corner of her eye and grins, “Nothing in particular. Just excited to spend time with you.”

Santana reaches over and gives Brittany’s thigh a squeeze, “Me too. Wish we had Fridays off all the time, could be our date night.”

Brittany’s grin widens before she’s overlapping Santana’s hand with her own, “I’ll have them off once the season’s over.”

“You won’t be taking up a winter or spring sport?”

“I don’t think so,” Brittany answers, “If I’m going to be going away for college, I want to spend the most time I can with my family…and you.”

She didn’t mean for the conversation to take that kind of turn, but it’s the first time she has hinted at the future which she feels a little silly about since their relationship is so new. When she glances at Santana, she can’t quite get a read on her reaction.

“I wasn’t going to play football this year,” Brittany quickly adds to fill the silence, “So that I could help with Pete but my mom talked me into it. She knows how much I love to play and I know my dad would’ve wanted me to spend my Senior doing something I love. But with the season ending soon, there’s not much else I want to do except spend time with you. I can continue training incase I get picked up by a scout but I’ll have way more free time since I won’t be apart of a team.”

“More time with you would be nice,” Santana ends up saying a moment later and a soft smile graces her lips.

Brittany doesn’t know why, but those words calm her nerves and at the same time makes her feel hopeful for what’s to come for them.

“So snacks, gotta have them,” Brittany states as they enter the theater. She looks around for the brightly lit menu board like a shining beacon of deliciousness.

“It’s over here,” Santana says as she gives Brittany’s sleeve a tug in the right direction.

The quarterback lets Santana lead the way to the concession stand and heads to the back of the line. While she eyes the menu, Santana continues to hang onto Brittany’s sleeve as if they were holding hands. Brittany tries to refrain from drawing attention to it, but she can’t help how cute she thinks it is.

“You know,” She whispers, “I won’t mind it if you wanted to hold my hand instead, beats stretching out my sweater.”

Santana sends her a playful glare before she’s dropping Brittany’s sleeve altogether. Brittany pouts at the loss.

“What snacks are you thinking?” Santana asks instead.

Brittany goes back to looking at the menu, “Well, you’ve got to have all the elements for the perfect movie snacking experience: salty, sweet, and sour.”

“I like the way you think,” Santana compliments as they get closer to the front of the line.

“Definitely getting popcorn,” Brittany starts to list, “A box of Dots.”

“Dots? Really?” Santana scrunches her nose cutely, “I didn’t think anyone actually liked those.”

Brittany bumps her shoulder with Santana’s playfully, “They’re not so bad. What else? Oh! Some Sour Patch Kids and Buncha Crunch.”

“I can feel the cavities forming already,” Santana teases, “What do you want to drink?”

Brittany ponders a moment, “Water.”

Santana raises a brow, “Really? After all that sugar?”

Brittany starts to grin, “Kidding. You can’t just drink water at the movies, that’s super weird. What soda do you like? We can share!”

Santana looks over at the fountain drinks, “I don’t mind Dr. Pepper.”

“Girl after my own heart,” Brittany jokes dreamily. She catches Santana start to blush and it makes her swoon even more, “Come on. It’s our turn to order.”

Once securing their snacks, Santana and Brittany head down the dim corridor to find their theater number. Brittany’s got the container of popcorn and theater box candies in one arm while Santana holds their drink which conveniently allows them both to have a free hand.

Brittany’s itching to make a move, her way of redeeming herself for the comment about her sleeve earlier, but she’s got the first date jitters so she’s hesitant. Thankfully, it’s a long walk to the end of the hall where their theater is so it gives her a little time to rustle up the courage.

That is, if she decides to make a move.

She catches Santana glancing at her from the corner of her eye too and it makes Brittany wonder if she’s struggling with the same thing. Surprisingly though, it only takes their hands brushing against each other’s twice before Santana’s timidly linking their pinkies like usual.

The theater isn’t as full as Brittany thought it would be considering it’s a Friday night, but she figures that this particular movie has been out long enough that the initial hype has long since died down. They’re a little early as well so the lights aren’t as dim yet, making it still pretty easy to see that not many people are here. With a variety of good seating options available, Brittany and Santana opt for the top row.

“It’s the best seats in the house,” Brittany jokes as they do the awkward shuffle along the narrow walkway. Santana only giggles as she trails after the blonde.

When they get to the middle of the row, Brittany and Santana push down their seats and get settled with all of their snacks. It’s a lot to juggle, but they make it work and soon they’re sitting comfortably while they await the trailers.

“So how was practice?” Santana asks as Brittany pulls the container of popcorn to her lap.

“It was really laid back,” Brittany answers, “Basically just a pick up game so I wouldn’t even call it practice so it was cool. Did you end up going shopping with Quinn?”

“I did,” Santana starts to smirk, “I wasn’t really planning on buying anything but I saw this dress and figured you probably wouldn’t mind it.”

Brittany noticed the plunging neckline as soon as Santana unzipped her leather jacket in the car shortly after leaving the Lopez Residence. She nearly drove her car into a mailbox it was that distracting.

“I definitely don’t mind,” Brittany gives her a goofy grin, “You’re as pretty as ever.”

“So are you,” Santana grins and once again they start to gravitate to each other as if its second nature.

There are a few more couples seated below them but their backs are turned so Santana and Brittany are basically invisible. Brittany’s gaze falls from Santana’s to her glossy lips before bouncing back up again.

“You think it would be okay if I kissed you?” Brittany mumbles and her heart pounds steadily at the possibility that Santana might let her in such a public setting.

Santana glances to her left and sees that the nearest couple is still about six rows away. Brittany knows that Santana would be conscious of them which is yet another reason why she chose these particular seats.

Seemingly satisfied for the moment, Santana gives Brittany a nod before her eyes flutter closed.

Brittany mimics the gesture and they both lean in for a long awaited kiss. This one isn’t just a quick peck on the lips like Brittany’s used to either. This one feels drawn out, feels like an inhale and exhale all at once, it feels like heaven and when she can feel Santana smile against her lips it’s like no other feeling.

She almost forgets where she is as her hand moves to cup Santana’s cheek. It’s just a gentle touch, but it elicits a quiet little hum from the brunette and before Brittany knows it Santana is deepening the kiss. Brittany can feel the poke of Santana’s tongue running along her bottom lip and she doesn’t hesitate to welcome it, loving this daring side of Santana.

Brittany can feel herself starting to get carried away, but thankfully the lights suddenly dim and the sound of opening trailers pulls them apart. She can just barely see the sly little grin on Santana’s face before she glances to the big screen.

“What are we watching again?” Santana asks as she looks back to Brittany.

Brittany only blinks, still reeling from that kiss.

They’re about forty-five minutes into the movie when Brittany realizes a handful of things:

Number One: Mike and Sam are not very good at recommending movies.

Number Two: Neither is Quinn.

Number Three: Paranormal Activity 3 is not a comedy.

That last one she probably should’ve known but she heard the guys on the team talking about how funny it was so she just assumed it was something like the Scary Movie series where they made fun of actual scary movies. Who knew she was completely wrong? Still, she tries to keep on a brave face because during her conversation with Sam and Mike about picking a movie, Quinn had said that Santana mentioned wanting to see this one.

Knowing Santana had a secret preference made it super easy for Brittany when it came to finally choosing, but she didn’t know not being able to sleep for the next two weeks would be the price. It’s not that she’s a scaredy cat or anything, she just doesn’t do well with haunted houses and that’s basically all this movie is about!

She fights the urge to bring her knees up to hide behind and shield her eyes from certain scenes because there’s no way she can embarrass herself like that in front of Santana. So she keeps herself busy with snacking and chances a glance every so often in Santana’s direction, hoping that if she doesn’t get too invested in the movie then she won’t be as scared.

That tactic sort of works until there’s a jump scene and she flinches so hard that she nearly drops the bucket of popcorn on the floor. Her heart is racing from the scare and her cheeks are a little flushed when she sees that Santana’s watching her.

She doesn’t say anything at first and that makes Brittany feel even more nervous. It’s not until Santana looks between them and lifts the arm rest that separates their chairs. Brittany watches Santana inch closer until their thighs are flush and soon the jump scare is a distant memory. With her being this close now, Brittany just has to wrap her arm around the brunette.

“You scared?” Santana whispers as she sinks into Brittany’s side.

Brittany shakes her head and Santana smirks up at her.

“You sure?”

“Mhmm.”

“You look scared.”

“Well…I’m not.”

Santana eyes Brittany a little longer before leaning back some, “Okay then.”

Brittany quirks her brow and whispers, “Are you?”

Santana looks back and shakes her head.

Brittany nods and tries to sit a little taller; if Santana isn’t afraid then neither is she!

Obviously, Brittany’s lying because this is the scariest movie she’s ever seen which isn’t saying much because she stays away from that genre but the funny thing is…Santana’s lying too.

“Fuck,” Santana curses beneath her breath. Her hand instinctively juts out and grips Brittany’s thigh and before either of them know it, Santana’s burying her face into Brittany’s shoulder.

Brittany’s equally tense after that scene but seeing Santana visibly scared too has her easing. There’s a little twinkle in her eye when she glances at Santana trying to play off how bad she just flinched as she straightens up.

In fact, it’s such bad acting on Santana’s part that Brittany starts to giggle.

“What are you laughing at?” Santana asks. She tries to keep a straight face but Brittany’s giggling is infectious and soon she starts to smile too.

“You’re scared,” Brittany points out.

“I’m not.”

“You totally are,” Brittany laughs again, “You’re using me to hide.”

“No.”

“Yes,” Brittany teases, “You didn’t move the arm rest up for a cuddle. You wanted protection.”

“I – No,” Santana stammers but she ultimately gives up, “Alright fine, this movie gives me the fucking creeps. This house needs to be burned to the ground.”

Brittany softens as she removes the popcorn bucket from her lap, “I’m not really a fan of these kinds of movies. I only picked it because Quinn told me you loved horror movies, except I didn’t know if this was actually a horror movie or if it was a parody…”

“Oh, did she now?” Santana purses her lips before she lets out a dry chuckle, “That sneaky little…”

Brittany frowns, “What’s wrong?”

“Quinn and I have been best friends for years,” Santana says, “We grew up together and if there’s one thing she knows about me it’s that I don’t do horror movies.”

Brittany’s face heats up, “Really? Shit. I would’ve picked something else if I knew. She was so convincing and the guys, they said it wasn’t that scary.”

“Yeah, they’re probably just saying that to protect their masculinity because this shit?” Santana glances at the screen and cringes before turning back to Brittany, “No me gusta.”

Brittany sends Santana an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry. I should’ve checked with you first so we wouldn’t be stuck watching something we don’t want to.”

“We can always leave,” Santana suggests, “I’m sure there’s another movie playing right now. We can just sneak into a different one.”

Brittany only frowns. It’s their first date and she messes up big time, how embarrassing!

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up about it,” Santana smiles fondly as she squeezes at Brittany’s thigh, “We can stay too? Just gives me an excuse to make out with you instead.”

Brittany’s jaw goes a little slack as Santana drapes her legs over Brittany’s and slides in close. Now, she’s basically in the blonde’s lap and Brittany instinctively wraps her arms around Santana’s waist to keep her there. She already feels ten times better than before!

“You don’t need an excuse for that,” Brittany grins and soon Santana’s lips are back on hers.

They end up staying like that for the rest of the movie and neither one of them can tell you what happened since they were too preoccupied with doing something way better. Brittany didn’t need any reassuring, but kissing Santana is probably the best distraction there is. For once, they felt like any other couple hiding away at the back of the movie theater making out.

In a way, it was freeing and although Brittany felt silly at first for choosing the wrong movie it all managed to work itself out in the end. Maybe an even better ending than she had hoped for!

As they leave the theater, practically floating on Cloud 9, Brittany made a daring move and tangled her fingers with Santana’s. After the past hour they’ve spent hidden in the shadows, she still wanted to feel close now that they were out in the open. Really, she’s been wanting to hold Santana’s hand since they got there but better late than never.

Santana grins happily as she overlaps their joined hands with her free one, surprising Brittany by how welcoming she is too the gesture. Santana brings their hands up to her lips and turns so that she can place a sweet kiss to Brittany’s knuckles. It makes the blonde feel so soft and the smitten smile can’t help but form.

“Great movie,” Santana jokes as they get to Brittany’s car, “I’d definitely see it again.”

“I bet you would,” Brittany smirks as they untangle their hands and get in.

“But seriously, hopefully none of that movie actually stuck because I’m not trying to have nightmares,” Santana says with a chuckle although Brittany can tell she’s being a little serious.

“Same,” Brittany nods, “I might have to steal Pete’s night light if that’s the case.”

“Not sure what that’ll do against the paranormal,” Santana quips.

“Hey,” Brittany gives her a playfully stern look, “Night lights protect against everything.”

“Then you better make some room in your bed for me because I’m coming over. I do not fuck with the ghosts and shit,” Santana replies then pauses when she realizes what she has said.

Brittany watches with adoring look in her eye.

“I mean like, hypothetically speaking,” Santana adds shyly, “We probably won’t have nightmares or anything because we didn’t really watch much of that movie. Right? I doubt anything stuck so we’ll be okay.”

Brittany only grins as she goes to start the car.

“Are you kidding me?” Santana gapes as they pull up to her house ten minutes before her curfew. She sits up rigidly and eyes her seemingly vacant house in confusion.

Brittany looks at the empty driveway and frowns, “Are your parents not home?”

“Apparently not,” Santana replies and reaches for her phone, “I know my dad’s doing an overnight, but my mom should be here? Do you mind if I give her a call?”

Brittany bobs her head, “Yeah, sure. Go ahead.”

Brittany watches Santana quickly scroll through her phone before she’s pressing it to her little ear. She can see how worked up Santana’s starting to get and wonders if it’s because she might have to be all alone in that empty house or if she’s just worried about where her mom might be? Usually an empty house is a dream come true for people their age, but not after the movie they just watched – no matter how distracted they were.

Brittany waits patiently as she overhears some of Santana’s conversation with her mom.

“No, I didn’t get a text from you. When did you send it?” Santana wonders before putting her mom on speaker and flicking through her text messages, “Yeah, I don’t see anything here from you.”

“That’s strange. Well, I was letting you know that I’m here at your Abuela’s house. Papi wants me to keep an eye on her after the doctor’s appointment she had today.”

Brittany watches Santana’s features grow somber, “Is everything okay?”

“Just a little cold.”

The lines in Santana’s forehead deepen, “She’s sick?”

Brittany recognizes that tone and it makes her stomach churn, but she keeps quiet and continues to listen.

“She should be fine. They’re worried it might develop into pneumonia if she’s not looked after. You know how stubborn she can be about this kind of thing, but I’m here.”

“Right,” Santana then inhales deeply and it’s like a mask is being put on, “She probably skipped her vitamins or something silly again.”

“You’re probably right.”

“So you won’t be coming home tonight then?”

“No, but you’ll be okay staying home on your own?”

Brittany watches Santana gulp and she nearly laughs if she didn’t fear being heard by Maribel. Who knew Santana was such a chicken, but then again Brittany wouldn’t want to stay home alone after a movie like that either.

“Yeah, of course,” Santana replies a little too casually, “I’m not a little kid anymore so I’ll be fine.”

“Okay good, I would say come over but…well.”

“I know,” Santana brushes off although Brittany can see a nerve has been struck, “It’s okay. I’ll just – maybe I’ll see if I can sleep over Quinn’s instead?”

“Okay mija, just let me know. I’ll see you in the morning. You can tell me all about your date with Brittany. I hope you had fun?”

Santana starts to grin as she glances to her side at the blonde, “I did. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When Santana hangs up, the smile she wears is still there but it slowly fades when she looks back at her house.

“Think Quinn’s home from her date by now?” Santana mumbles as she flicks through her phone, “I’m not about to stay home alone just so some paranormal entity can come snatch me up, no thank you. God, she’s such a little shit. She knew exactly what she was doing when she was talking to you. Matter of fact, I’m going to prank the hell out of her now just for this. She won’t see it coming.”

“Or,” Brittany pauses Santana although her scheming is kind of cute, “You can sleepover mine?”

Santana’s brows rise, “What? Like at your house?”

Brittany shrugs, “Well yeah, if you aren’t comfortable staying home alone I’m sure my mom would be okay with you sleeping over. Plus, you were already going to be over tomorrow anyway. It saves so much time if you’re already there.”

“I don’t know, Britt,” Santana chuckles nervously, “I doubt your mom would let your girlfriend stay the night.”

Santana’s got a point, but this is a special case so she doubts her mom wouldn’t allow it.

“Why not? It’s not like I can get you pregnant or anything,” Brittany jokes but Santana’s eyes nearly bug out of her head. It only makes Brittany laugh, “I’m just kidding, geez. How about I just call and ask? Beats bothering Quinn if I’m already here?”

Santana looks at her skeptically.

“Come on,” Brittany gives her a nudge, “Doesn’t hurt to ask.”

“Okay fine,” Santana relents with a smitten smile, “But I’m still texting Quinn just incase.”

Brittany shrugs and gives her mom a call. It’s a short one, but Brittany explains Santana’s situation and Whitney ends up saying, “Yes of course she can stay the night.” It’s also followed by the usual, “Just no funny business, Brittany” which has the blonde blushing as she quickly assures her that there won’t be any.

“My parents would never,” Santana says with a disbelieving laugh.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Brittany winks.

“I’ll just tell my mom I’m sleeping over Quinn’s anyway,” Santana says as she texts, “Just to be safe.”

“Okay,” Brittany says, “So did you want to go inside and grab anything?”

Santana looks skeptically at her house, all dark and menacing, and quickly shakes her head, “Hell no.”

Brittany chuckles, “I’ll go in with you.”

“No, I don’t want to put you through that,” Santana assures her, “I can just borrow some of your stuff, right?”

Brittany’s smile grows, “Totally.”

“Okay,” Santana smiles back looking a little more relieved, “Let’s just go to yours then.”

“You got it!”

When they arrive at the Pierce Residence, they find that the porch light has been left on and Brittany can already see the glow of the hallway light emitting from the living room window.

“Now this is more like it,” Santana chuckles at the brightly lit home.

Brittany only giggles along with her as she parks the car and leads the way inside. Everything’s quiet as Brittany and Santana tip toe upstairs; Pete’s long since gone to bed and Whitney is probably not too far behind.

Santana just wordlessly follows Brittany until they get to Brittany’s bedroom. Once the light comes on, Brittany’s quick to tidy the clothes hanging out of her laundry basket before pushing in her desk chair and kicking her bookbag to the side.

“Sorry it’s a little messy,” Brittany says softly while scratching the back of her neck.

Santana only smiles as she looks around, “Your room is way cleaner than mine.”

Brittany feels a little relieved but she still rearranges some things before turning to close the door. She hesitates though as she gets to the knob, remembering the conversation she had with her mom earlier, and turns to face Santana.

“My mom said I have to leave the door open,” Brittany whispers to Santana, “But if I don’t close it then Pete might wake us up super early.”

Santana looks a little shy as she nods and it makes Brittany falter. She’s not sure what that look means and it makes something flutter in her chest. She would totally risk getting lectured by her mom later if it meant sleeping in a little later than usual, especially if Santana will be there.

But, she also wants to make sure Santana is comfortable as well. Sleeping over after their first date isn’t really how Brittany pictured this night turning out, so she just wants to be extra sure that Santana’s okay and that they’re not moving faster than she liked.

“I can leave it open if you want though?” Brittany suggests lightly, “Whatever makes you comfortable.”

Santana tugs her bottom lip between her teeth then lets it go as she answers, “I usually sleep with my door closed at home.”

Brittany’s smile grows playful, “To keep the monsters out so they don’t get ya?”

Santana only rolls her eyes at the teasing tone, “No.”

“Sure,” Brittany winks as she goes to close the door.

“I don’t want you to get in trouble though,” Santana says, “If your mom said – “

“It’s okay,” Brittany assures her with a smile, “So long as you stay on your side of the bed.”

Santana smirks, “I’ll try my best but I won’t make any promises.”

Brittany quirks her brow, “You don’t strike me as the cuddling type.”

“I’m just full of surprises.”

Brittany chuckles before going off to find Santana some pajamas to borrow.

Brittany doesn’t know why, but suddenly she wishes her pajama drawer was filled with something better than old shirts from sports teams she used to play for and shorts with random designs on them. She doesn’t know what Santana wears to bed, but she imagines something fancy that actually comes in a set or maybe something silky and expensive?

Brittany doesn’t own anything remotely close to that.

She knows she’s overthinking this now, it’s only pajamas after all, and tries to push away the nerves. Ultimately, she settles for her favorite sleep shirt and shorts because they feel the nicest and she secretly thinks Santana would look super cute in shorts with little rubber ducks on them.

“Sorry they’re not matching,” Brittany finds herself saying as she hands them over.

Santana gives her a confused smile, “That’s okay. It’s very you.”

Brittany tilts her head to the side, unsure of how to take that.

“I mean that in a good way,” Santana explains, “You have a signature style, it’s cute.”

Brittany ducks her head bashfully before turning to find something for herself to wear.

The realization that Santana is going to be sleeping over in her bed with it just being the two of them starts to settle in. She’s had sleepovers with her friends before, but not like this – not with someone she’s dating – and Brittany starts to feel a mix of anxious and giddy.

Does she change into her pajamas right here or should she excuse herself to the bathroom? She remembers how Santana reacted the first time she took her top off in the locker room, but she also remembers how they were barely wearing anything when they showered together.

Brittany’s at a loss and she doesn’t realize she’s just standing there holding a pile of clothes until Santana quietly clears her throat. When Brittany turns, she’s finds that Santana has already changed and is looking as cute and comfy as ever.

“Do you have a spare toothbrush and maybe some make up wipes I could use?” Santana asks and there’s just a slight edge to her voice that lets Brittany know she isn’t the only one that’s a little nervous about this arrangement.

“Oh yeah, sorry. I’m not being a very good host.”

“You’re a great host,” Santana assures her with a smile then gestures to her bottoms, “I think I rock the hell out of these shorts. Don’t you think?”

Brittany chuckles as she nods, “I had a feeling rubber ducks would suit you.”

Santana does a little sway of her hips and it’s enough to ease Brittany’s nerves for the moment.

“I’ll get you a toothbrush and stuff,” Brittany replies and turns towards the bathroom she and Pete share.

Santana follows behind and stops next to Brittany at the bathroom sink while Brittany sorts through the top cabinet for a spare toothbrush and her make up remover.

“This okay?” She asks as she hands them over to Santana.

“Yeah.”

“Okay cool,” Brittany hesitates in the bathroom doorway wondering if she should stay and do her nightly routine too before realizing that she hasn’t even changed clothes yet.

“I’ll just go change,” She tells Santana, “I’ll be back.”

Santana only smiles at her through the mirror before lining the bristles of her toothbrush with toothpaste.

Once they finish up in the bathroom, Brittany and Santana wander back into the bedroom. They do this awkward little dance of putting away their clothes and getting ready for bed. Brittany has her mattress pushed into the corner of her room and quickly rids her bed of the stuffed animals and extra pillows she usually sleeps with in order to make some room for Santana.

“Is there a certain side you prefer?” She asks and Santana shakes her head, “Okay. Well, I’ll take the wall side incase you need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night or something.”

“Okay,” Santana nods before Brittany’s crawling in under the covers. Santana isn’t that far behind her and they quietly get settled.

There’s a weird tension in the air and Brittany’s not quite sure what to do about it. She only stares up at the ceiling with her hands folded atop her stomach over the blankets. Her mind is moving through thought after thought at a mile a minute and she just hopes that it settles down soon so she can get a little sleep.

But, with Santana lying so close to her it makes it difficult to calm down. When she glances to her side, she finds Santana’s dark brown eyes staring back curiously.

“Do I make you nervous?” Santana asks and there’s this rasp to her tone that Brittany isn’t used to.

Brittany’s words get caught somewhere so that should be enough to answer that. Instead, she just nods as a blush blooms.

“In a good way?” Santana asks.

Brittany nods again, a shy smile gracing her lips.

“You make me nervous in a good way too.”

Brittany feels her heart skip a couple beats and she can’t help but roll onto her side so that she can face Santana fully. Her face is bare of any make up, her eyelids look heavy with sleep and if there was one word Brittany could use to describe how she looks right now it’s content.

It has her reaching up to trace the side of Santana’s cheek, as if to make sure that this is really happening – that Santana’s really here in her bed resting her pretty little head on her pillow. The smile that forms on Santana’s face from the touch melts Brittany and she can’t help but lean in to kiss soft lips.

It’s languid and sweet, the best kind of almost goodnight. When they pull apart a moment later, Brittany moves the hand that was cupping Santana’s cheek down to rest on her waist instead. Santana’s got her hand tucked under her pillow while the other plays with the hem of Brittany’s t-shirt. Brittany feels oddly comfortable now as they lie there despite feeling so wound up earlier.

Now, her eyelids feel heavy and she’s sure a yawn is not too far away. For now though, she’s content with just watching Santana’s lashes flutter and the way dark brown eyes shift back and forth from her gaze to her lips. It makes Brittany want to pull Santana in closer just so she can kiss her again and again.

“I had a lot of fun with you on our date,” Brittany admits instead.

“Me too,” Santana replies before she starts to smirk, “Even if you roped me into watching a scary movie.”

Brittany bites her lip to keep from giggling at the sarcasm, “Well, if I picked something else you wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Funny how that worked out,” Santana grins as she gives a little tug to Brittany’s shirt, “Almost like you planned it.”

Brittany leans into it, letting Santana drag her in so that their chests are nearly flush.

Only their knees knock together and before Brittany knows it, Santana’s slipping her thigh between Brittany’s while her hand curls around the blonde’s waist. They’re completely wrapped up in each other now and Brittany’s never felt so comfortable sleeping with another person before.

“So much for staying on your side,” Brittany jokes.

“I can move?” Santana teases right back.

“No, no. You stay.”

It’s kind of the worst thing ever when she remembers that they probably can’t do this all the time. But still, she soaks it in regardless – memorizing the feel of Santana’s smooth legs against her own, the way Santana’s hands caress the exposed skin just above her sleep shorts, how the tip of Santana’s little nose bumps her own every so often as she inhales.

“I wish we could do this all the time,” Brittany mumbles dreamily without thinking.

Santana gives her a confused grin, “What?”

“This,” Brittany says as she runs her fingers down Santana’s back, “It’s nice. We don’t really get to do it often, we never have the time.”

“Yeah,” Santana sighs before kissing the tip of Brittany’s nose, “Maybe you and I should try to make time.”

Brittany starts to smile. She remembers a conversation similar to this from a past relationship and how the other person wasn’t too willing to try and make changes which ended up being the main reason for the breakup. Brittany couldn’t understand how someone wouldn’t be willing to try, but it’s so satisfying to see that it’s something she doesn’t have to worry about with Santana.

She remembers her other relationships and how much it sucked to go through a breakup, but she moved on eventually because her feelings for them weren’t ever super strong – not compared to how she feels about Santana anyway.

Santana’s like a cold glass of Dr. Pepper on a hot sunny day. No, Santana’s like three scoops of ice cream when you only asked for two. No, Santana’s like taking a bubble bath with extra bubbles after football practice in the pouring rain.

The way Brittany feels about her, it’s nothing she’s ever experienced before. No one she has ever dated – boy or girl – can even compare. Santana’s one of a kind and maybe, just maybe, Brittany thinks she might know why.

She’s never experienced it for herself before, but she knows what real love looks like.

Maybe that might be this?

“What are you smiling for?” Santana asks, but she sounds surprisingly more sleepy than before and it makes Brittany’s heart swell.

“Just thinking about somethin’.”

“Like?”

Brittany only shakes her head as she slides her hand up and down Santana’s back again, almost like she’s lulling the girl to sleep. It seems to work as she watches Santana’s eyes close for longer periods of time, her breathing becoming slow and even. When Santana’s eyes open once more, she looks to Brittany for an answer as if she didn’t just fall into a micro-sleep and it makes the blonde chuckle quietly.

“I’ll tell you when I know for sure,” Brittany replies.

Santana pouts at Brittany’s cryptic words, “Know what?”

Brittany sighs but it’s full of adoration, “Don’t worry. Just go to sleep, baby.”

She almost doesn’t notice how easily the term of endearment falls from her lips, she wouldn’t have noticed at all if Santana’s eyes did slowly open in wonder.

Brittany feels a little shy about the slip up, but she can’t find it in her to say it was an accident because it really wasn’t. She has felt the word bubbling up inside of her, begging to slip out for awhile now, especially when they’re like this – when the rest of this town is fast asleep and it seems like they’re the only ones left awake in Lima.

“Did you just…” Santana stammers.

Brittany is uncertain about her tone, “Is that okay?”

Santana ponders a moment, “I usually hate it when guys call me that. It always made me feel gross.”

Brittany’s face falls. She feels absolutely mortified, “Oh.”

“But it’s different with you,” Santana assures her with a smile, “It doesn’t make me feel gross, it makes me feel… special. I like it.”

“I like you,” Brittany says without missing a beat.

Santana blushes as she adjusts her head against the pillow, “Ditto.”

Brittany can only give Santana her famous mega-watt smile in response.

#Lost in the Lights #Brittana fanfics #Brittana #QB!Britt

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herohotline · 4 years

Text

Wet Clay (P.5)

Shouta Aizawa x Reader

Summary: You’ve got your own handful of problems- being a counselor doesn’t mean you can’t also have anxiety or feel overwhelmed by it all.

A/N: it’s finally here!! thank god!! and thank you everyone who was so patient waiting for the new part. i honestly had a lot of fun making this new chapter- i wanted it to be a bit longer as a Thank You for the long wait. I hope you all enjoy it, and look forward to the next chapter!

Word Count: 5,500+

Tag List: @babayaga67, @cosmichorse95, @sugacookiies, @howthe-f-didigethere, @rintomoj, @missadorable96

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Technically-not-but-still-technically House Arrest is finally over, much to your relief.

You, Bakugo, and Midoriya were finally freed from Aizawa’s punishment and proceeded with your regular schedules. And while Bakugo and Midoriya have a lot of catching up to do, the same goes for you.

Which you weren’t expecting at all, but you’re pleasantly surprised by a few students standing at your office on your first day back greeting you and asking for a scheduled meeting.

Slowly but surely, word of you and your practice has been moving around the school, which is exactly what you were hoping for. Especially since it got out that you were able to have a successful session with Bakugo, of all people, the students seem to suddenly have a newfound interest in trying therapy that wasn’t there before. It’s the progress you’ve been waiting for to report to Nezu, letting him know that students even outside of the hero course were asking about therapy.

Due to your agreement, you couldn’t give them a session. Your time was pointed strictly at the hero classes for the time being, but it wouldn’t always be that way. You had the interested students fill out a simple questionnaire once the idea popped in your head, which helped you immensely for your reports to Nezu.

They were simple questions, not asking anything too personal, of course. Things like, ‘why does therapy interest you?’, ‘what problems would you like to talk about?’, and ‘what are some of the things that stress you daily?’

The answers you received confirmed that you were right from the beginning- U.A needed a proper counseling team hired, and it would be best if it was sooner rather than later.

And on top of all that good news (though kids needing therapy admittedly wasn’t the best news, but at least it was being assessed instead of being ignored), Nezu agreed with you! After hearing and reading your reports on the students, he agreed to start working with you to begin making after-school programs and looking for professionals to hire. It would take a few weeks, if not more, but the beginning of your dream for U.A was finally taking big steps, and it was overwhelmingly exciting.

You haven’t been able to fill anybody in on your news quite yet, but your change in attitude was noticeable by the staff and the students. It’s especially noticeable to the staff when you come in one morning, cups of coffee and tea hot and ready that you had bought for them when they came into the Teacher’s Lounge before class.

Yamada enters with Kayama, whistling low as he quickly walks over and inspects the cups. “Ho-hey!” He exclaims. “What’s all this?”

“Good morning, Yamada,” you smile at him and nudge a cup his way, which he takes with a gleeful hum. “I was just feeling good this morning and I’m really thankful to how much everyone has helped me settle in, so I figured I could buy everyone a drink.” Kayama walks up as well, grabbing one of the teas, surprising you with her choice.

She notices, a deep frown on her lips. “You tempt me, honey, but I have to watch my figure!” She gestures to her body, which is on full display at all hours. Not that you’re a prude, but it makes you wonder how the pubescent boys and girls feel while in her presence. You’re not envious of them. “But I appreciate you very much, thank you.”

“It’s no problem, I’ll make sure to try and get something better for you next time,”

“Oh, don’t worry! A little tea won’t hurt me.” Kayama quickly waves off your concerns and she sits on one of the chairs available in the admittedly small room. “So? Why’re you so happy?” She raises an eyebrow, and before she can ask-

“Nothing that you’re assuming, I’m sure,” you tell her quickly. “Truthfully, it’s because my work is going well. My tenure here might actually be useful- Nezu and I are talking specifics on hiring other counselors, now.”

Yamada cheers, as loud as ever, “really?! Good job!” He wraps an arm around you and shakes you- if the coffee hadn’t woken you up before, you were surely awake now with his energy! “Does that mean you’ll be staying?” Kayama perks up from her seat.

“Oh, does it? It would be so nice to keep you around longer!”

“I’m not sure about that,” you laugh uneasily, “what the students really need is someone that can be fully devoted to them and their needs, you know? I can’t give that to them while I’m still working as a counselor on the side, and I’m really not sure if I can give up that job.”

“Aw,” Yamada frowns, keeping his arm secure around your shoulder as he looks down at you. The man was freakishly tall, honestly. “Shouta will be so bummed. Do you know how long your tenure lasts?”

“I sort of hoped you were giving up on that,” you deflate. “But, no, I’m not very sure. But it’s probably not for much longer. A month more, maybe two at most. Then I’ll be leaving.”

“Leaving?”

You and Yamada turn your head towards the door, and you get a face full of his hair, making you sputter and sneeze as he laughs at you and apologizes (but it doesn’t sound like he’s sorry). You shove him away so you can actually look at Yagi, dressed in his usual baggy, bright yellow suit.

“Morning, Yagi,” you greet him tiredly. If you said before that you were energized by Yamada’s behavior, you take it back now. He’s actually exhausting. “Yes, eventually. I’m not officially hired, you know.”

“I must have forgotten,” Yagi mumbles under his breath, looking equally tired but thankful as you nudge a cup of tea his way and he takes a long sip. You remember him telling you that coffee was one of the things on his long, long list that his stomach couldn’t handle. “I’m getting too old, probably.”

“How old are you, anyway?” Kayama asks from her seat and Yagi smiles.

“That’s a good question,” he says, and then looks to you. “You’re leaving in a month or so, though? That’s unfortunate, Shouta will miss you.”

“That’s what I said!”

“Nice job avoiding the question, pro-hero,”

“I swear the two of you never quit it!”

The three of you talk over one another at the same time, and after a moment’s silence, burst into laughter together. Despite everything, these people had quickly become your friends, and chatting with them like this every morning was a part of what made the extra stress and work all worth it. “I’ll miss all of you when I have to leave, I mean it,” you tell them once the laughter subsides, and Kayama coos.

“We’ll miss you, too. I’m sure the students will as well, you’ve grown on them.”

“That’s true… I don’t feel good about the whole making-a-relationship-and-bowing-out thing. It takes a long time for a child to feel comfortable talking to you about their issues, and I finally have that! And now that I'd have to leave…” You sigh heavily as you rest against one of the tables, crossing your arms at your chest.

“Give it some more thought, then,” Kayama suggests. “Everyone would be happy to keep you around, including Nezu. Think about all your options before you make any decisions.”

It’s good advice, but the truth is, you’ve already done that.

The time you’ve spent at U.A has been amazing, yes, but you’ve never been more overworked in your life. The stress of keeping up your two professional jobs has you tossing and turning at night, and the burden of feeling like you’re going to let everyone down isn’t good for your mental state, either. For your own health, you can’t keep working the way you are now.

You’re going to have to choose. And it hurts you more than anything.

Despite all of that, you smile at Kayama. “You’re right,” you say, and you try not to sound as tired as you feel, “I’ll think about it.”

—-

The first thing you have to do with your new duties from Nezu is put together after-school affairs. He doesn’t give you a lot to go off of- he just wants you to put together some sort of event or club that the students can go to after hours that will be good for them. Nezu is nice, but he gives you too much freedom. It’s hard to create ideas all on your own and be the judge on if they’re worth the school’s time and money or not.

You’ve thought of several things. The thing you’re trying to do is create an original idea that isn’t purely formed around therapy , per se, but a way for students to vent their problems in a healthy and calm environment. Your best idea has been a little something you called ‘food for thought’, a baking club students can go to where they can learn to bake and cook a variety of simple dishes, and while they bake, everyone gets a turn talking about something that’s bothered them or that they’re working through, no judgment. It can be a bit therapeutic to cook in general for some people, and if you gave students the chance to vent during that time, you think it might be something healthy and fun. And then they could all eat snacks afterward.

...But you doubt yourself again and think about scrapping the idea. There’s too many variables- some students might not like the idea of group therapy like that, and some students might abuse the club by coming only for treats and ruin it for everyone else. Plus, not everyone likes to cook.

You groan and deflate in your seat, laying face-down on your desk. This is too hard…!

Out of nowhere, your phone vibrates. It makes you reluctantly pull your head up, grasping for the device and wincing at the bright screen when it turns on.

It’s one of your clients asking for an appointment.

You take a deep, tired breath in, and let it out slowly. Slowly you sit up in your chair and open one of your desk drawers, fumbling around for your planner and slapping it down on the desk as you open the text and start to ask for details.

Your schedule is crammed, a lot more than it used to be. You end up feeling guilty not being able to see your patient soon enough and give up some of your free time in order to see them. Not that they know that- they thank you and tell you they’ll see you soon, and the conversation is ended.

Somehow, you’re even more tired than before.

Eyes wander over to your plush, comfortable couch. It’s a tempting idea, but… the scattered papers full of drafts of ideas for an after school activity are staring at you, so you shake your head at the idea and try to focus on the papers instead. You can’t afford to nap right now, even though it sounds so, so nice right now.

Your eyes droop, but you can’t sleep. Absolutely not. Your shoulders sag.

You fall asleep slouched over your desk before you can even realize it.

—-

Waking up is surprising, because you didn’t remember falling asleep. It’s always odd when that happens- opening your eyes and forgetting you even closed them, so it has you sitting there like, wait, what ? For a few moments.

You’re not even at your desk like you remember being. Instead, you’re laying on your couch- something you very much remember wanting to do, but you hadn’t. You’re alone in your office too, which is even more odd. You don’t think you sleepwalk.

As you slowly sit up and stretch your tired limbs, you look at the clock on your wall and see that it reads 3:20- school is just about to end.

Drat. You were hoping to get more done before now…

You suppose that’s fine- you can always work more at home and email Nezu if you come up with a great idea by the end of the night, but you sort of doubt that will happen. You go back to your desk to start gathering your things, but from the corner of your eye, a bit of yellow catches your attention.

There’s a sticky note on your ‘food for thought’ paper. Your eyebrows spring up in curiosity as you lean forward to read it.

It’s not much. It just says ‘good idea’ and then there’s, strangely enough, a doodle of a cat giving a thumbs up. It’s not the best drawing you’ve ever seen, but it’s cute.

Kind of strange though. A cat? Who even wrote this, anyway? Who was in your office when you were asleep?

You doubt it was a student. You’re not really bothered, but… the sticky note says it was a good idea. You were doubtful about it, but the second opinion makes you rethink your decision.

Maybe it wasn’t that bad of an idea? According to the mysterious cat-doodler.

Hm. You pocket the sticky note, and then put the paper with details of your idea in your bag as you continue to pack up. Maybe if you run into one of the teachers on your way out, you can ask them what they think. You should have thought about that earlier, to be honest.

Quickly you pack up and lock your office. You’re going to miss the train home if you don’t hurry, after all, and you want to get out of the building before the bell rings and the students crowd the halls.

Fortunately, though, you spot Cementoss- Ishiyama- at the front doors, and you wave to catch his attention.

“Ishiyama! You're heading out, too?”

The cement-like man looks toward you, and he walks through the doors, holding it open for you. “Mm. I need to make it to an appointment,” he says simply.

“I see. You wouldn’t mind if I ran an idea by you really quick? It’s for the kids.”

He shakes his head. “Not at all, I just needed to get out before the children did.” You grin and tell him you were doing the same- and then you tell him about your after-school baking idea.

By the time you finish telling him the small details, you’ve walked to the school’s parking lot and Ishiyama looks interested in what you have to say. “I don’t think that’s a bad idea at all. It’s creative, and I think the students would like having something to do besides sitting in a circle and talking.”

“Right!” You animatedly burst for a second- and then bashfully smile at your outburst. “That’s what I was trying to do. I’m glad to hear that it might be worth it. For hires, we could maybe hire a cook, and then the therapist who’d be willing to lead the conversation. That’s where my worry comes in- we’d be paying two people at most, along with spending money on ingredients…”

“Ah, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that,” Ishiyama says, and he slowly comes to a stop in front of what is probably his car. It’s a big, heavy looking vehicle- which kind of makes sense. The guy probably weighs a lot and needs something he won’t crush into the ground. “We have plenty of ingredients and food left over from lunch time, and Lunchrush would be willing to chip in. It could be something that’s held once a week, maybe.”

“Ah, you’re right. I guess I just didn’t want to assume anything on his part, since he already does so much.”

Ishiyama laughs. “You’re very considerate, but don’t let that get in the way of exploring your ideas. And don’t let Nezu scare you- he’ll let you know if it works or not. If it doesn’t, that’s fine. You’re not wasting his time.”

The words are, quite frankly, reassuring. You didn’t realize how much you needed to hear that, and your body naturally relaxes a bit. “Yeah,” you smile at him, “you’re right. Thanks a lot, Ishiyama. I’ll let you go now- good luck with your appointment!” You wave at the cement-man as he enters his car, but right before he closes the door, you suddenly remember something as you light up. “Oh! I had one more question?”

He looks up at you as he keeps his door open.

“Do you know anyone that likes cats?”

The question is an odd one, and his cemented eyebrows raise in surprise, but you don’t really have a proper explanation. Ishiyama thinks about it, and then he says, “the only person I know who actively likes cats is Aizawa.”

It’s your turn to be surprised. Really? You had no idea.

“Huh,” you say aloud. “Well- anyway, thanks a lot for your input! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

You wave off Ishiyama as he drives off, and once he’s gone, you pull out the sticky note still in your pocket. Aizawa likes cats, huh…? He might have been the person who looked over your paper, then, and he probably moved you over to the couch when you fell asleep at your desk.

The thought makes your chest warm. That was certainly nice of him, if that’s the case. But- ah!

The school bell rings, and you jolt into action. If you’re not quick, you’re going to miss your train home!

—-

Your phone had died on the train ride home.

It was tragic, honestly, because that meant you didn’t have anything to distract yourself with as you swayed in the crowded cart during your long ride home. No music, no texts, no articles… you busted yourself by reading the ads on the ceiling of the train, but there was only so much to read, honestly.

By the time you got home, you quickly plugged in your phone and started to make yourself some dinner. It wasn’t until after your dinner, which was just some quick and easy curry and rice from a package, that you were able to look at your phone again.

There’s several text messages waiting for you.

Some of them are from Yamada, and then there’s a few from a client of yours. But there’s an odd contact among them that you never saw in your messages.

Who knew Shouta actually texted people? He seems like the call-only type.

You click on his messages first. There’s three of them, all sent at different times during the day.

Shouta (7:43am): Thank you for the drinks. Glad to hear your work is going well.

You wonder who told him, but you figure it was probably Yamada.

Shouta (1:30pm): If you keep sleeping during work hours, you’re going to want to get a sleeping bag.

So it was him who was in your office! You should have known he’d be a cocky bastard about it, too.

Shouta (4:10pm): Bakugo only yelled five times today?

The last one was kind of funny. Without thinking, you reply back to him.

You (6:45pm): Thanks for the sleeping bag idea, but I’ll pass for now. It was sweet of you to move me to the couch, but next time you’ll need to wake me up instead!

You (6:45pm): Did you see Bakugo go anywhere after class?

Surprisingly, you don’t have to wait at all for his reply.

Shouta (6:45pm): You looked like you needed it.

Shouta (6:46pm): He didn't go to his dorm, but he stayed on campus. Why?

Hmm. You wiggle on your bed, plugging your phone out of its charger so you can relax in a comfortable position as your fingers tap on the screen.

You (6:47pm): I guess if anyone’s a good judge of someone’s need for sleep, it’s Mr.Baggy Eyes, huh? Go figure

You (6:47pm): also, that’s confidential. But I think he deserves a lollipop at this point. Bakugo cares a lot more than he likes to show, but the fact he’s actually thinking about our session and considering some new methods says a lot about his character. Thanks for telling me.

Shouta doesn’t say anything after that, at least not right away, so you move on and look at your other messages. Yamada’s are a bunch of absurd internet pictures, so nothing too important, and your other client who texted you is asking for a reschedule.

It takes a bit of back and forth with your client until you eventually decide on a new date where both of you have time- thankfully, it didn’t require you taking time out of your weekend more than you already have. By the time you’re done, you have one new message from Shouta.

Shouta (6:56pm): You’re right about that. Bakugo is difficult, but with some help, he’ll be able to do a lot for society. Hopefully you’ll be around enough to see him change. His trust doesn’t come easy.

The words make a heavy feeling in your stomach drop. Without meaning to, Shouta has stabbed you in the gut with guilt, and you’re feeling even more about your decision to leave U.A.

How could you leave, really? The students need you- but so do your clients.

Stress builds up in your shoulders again, and staring down at Shouta’s message, your head swarms with bad thoughts.

Anxiety and discomfort rolls over you in waves.

And you don’t really have anyone to confide in. Part of you feels like talking to Shouta- but you’re not really that close to each other yet. You doubt he wants to hear your complaints about work.

Shouldn’t you be grateful for your opportunity?

You blink as you barely make a reply, and then you toss your phone to the side once you turn it off. Your eyes look at the ceiling of your room, and despite the exhaustion deep in your bones, you’re suddenly wide awake.

You feel like you won’t be going to sleep tonight, as much as you would like to.

You (7:08pm): You’re right. I’ll try my best.

——

Coming into work the next morning is dreadful. The only thing keeping you awake and mildly aware of your surroundings is the caffeine that’s running through you- you’ve drank so much coffee and energy drinks that you wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a part of your bloodstream at this point. You look like a mess, but there’s work to be done.

It’s Friday, which is usually nice, because Saturday is your only day off. But you sacrificed your Saturday for a session tomorrow, so there’s no promise of a break for you for at least another week.

Overnight, due to your lack of sleep, you thought of three other ideas for after-school activities the students might like, and you sent all of them over to Nezu once the sun began to rise and you decided it was an appropriate hour to message him. He hasn’t gotten back to you yet, but that’s unsurprising.

With nothing else to do, you got on the train early enough that it's not even that crowded. You still can’t find a seat, but that’s fine. You’re afraid if you sit down and relax for more than a moment, you might fall apart.

Hence why you’re heading to work several hours early. Hopefully you’ll be able to pull yourself together before work starts.

You stumble a bit each time the cart shakes when it comes to a stop, but eventually you get off and walk to U.A. It’s practically empty, which is also unsurprising, but the doors are open for you, so that’s good. You were a bit worried it might all be locked down.

As you head to your office, it’s eerily quiet in the building. Beside the sound of your shoes tapping on the floor, there’s nothing. It’s a bit unsettling.

Maybe that’s just because you haven’t slept at all recently and your anxiety is through the roof at the moment. Who knows? Regardless, you make it to your office with no issues. But when you open the- unlocked- door, you jump.

And then you slam the door shut with a surprised scream.

“Oh my god!” You yell at the door, and you can hear the people scrambling from inside your office. “What’re you doing?! On my couch?!”

Kayama speaks up, her voice just a lilt higher than it usually is. “Would you believe me if I said it was nothing??”

“No! No I wouldn’t!” You yell back, and you rub your eyes with the heel of your palms. “I will never be able to wash my eyes from what I just saw, Jesus-“

“We’re sorry!! You’re really early!”

“Do you always do this shit on my couch?! I have students sit on that thing- oh my GOD, I was laying on it yesterday!”

“No- we swear-“

And then suddenly, as if from nowhere, Shouta is coming from around the corner with his face twisted up in confusion. “What’s going on?” He asks as he walks up to you, and you gesture angrily toward your closed door.

“Yamada and Kayama were fucking on my couch!”

“No we weren’t!!” Yamada’s screechy, way too loud voice denies.

“Yeah, tell me that again as if you’re not scrambling to put clothes on right now.” You huff, and Shouta’s eyebrows have successfully disappeared beyond his hairline. “Did you have any idea about this?” You look toward him, a hateful look in your eye- but he quickly shakes his head.

“I just got here. I was actually- well.” He looks toward your office. “I was going to nap.”

“ Lord - does everyone use my office as they so please? Do the keys I own mean nothing?”

Yamada wails, “we’re sorry- “

“Shut! Shut it!” You snap.

This is the worst. You have had no sleep, no food. You’re overworked and stressed enough as is- this was just the last straw.

“Clean up my office. Get rid of all your ridiculous germs- the door, my desk, the couch- anywhere the two of you touched needs to be squeaky clean or else.”

You’ve never been the type to really get mad, especially at your friends. Especially at friends who you haven’t even been friends with for less than a year. You try to keep your cool. This was just… bad timing.

“Yes, right. We promise,” Kayama says from beyond the door.

“And you-“ you point at Shouta, who is more than a bit surprised at your tone, and his face shows it. “You haven’t had sex in my office, have you?”

“Never.”

“Good.” You let out a frustrated breath. “Then you’re invited to get breakfast with me so I can cool down while those two put themselves together.”

He doesn’t really need much more convincing. He’s already walking by your side as you turn around, walking much faster than you normally do as you head for the front doors.

Shouta walks a bit faster and opens the door for you, too, which you barely mumble a thanks for.

It’s quiet as you walk down the sidewalk in the early morning, but eventually Shouta speaks up, keeping up with your pace easily. “Do you know where you’re going?”

You stop in your tracks.

“No.” You bite your lip as you frown, and you truthfully can’t even look at him. Instead, you keep your eyes on the ground, at the pebbles on the ground. “Do you know anywhere to go?”

“...Yeah. Follow me,” his voice is surprisingly soft as he reaches forward and nudges your arm his direction, and you both turn around as he takes the lead. You don’t walk for long, crossing a few streets and making a few turns, until you’re at the same place that Shouta brought you to last time.

The familiarity as you enter the restaurant makes you relax just a little bit.

“So,” Shouta starts once the two of you sit at a booth. A waiter handed you both a menu, but you haven’t opened it yet. “You’re not usually so tense.”

Shouta doesn’t make meaningless observations, you know that much about him. He’s inviting you to talk about why you’re acting strangely, and you’re tired enough that you take the bait.

You vent. You vent and vent and vent about everything you’ve been feeling lately- stressed from two jobs, guilty for having to leave, not wanting to leave, tired, upset you have to give up your free time, upset you can’t talk to anybody about your feelings, anxious that you’re not good enough- all of it.

You’re a therapist, so you know how important it is to communicate your feelings, but you haven’t been doing it for yourself. You should know better, but it’s hard. You tell all of that to him too, even though he didn’t ask for any of it.

He gave you an opportunity to speak, so you did. All of it.

And by the time you’re done, your food (which you don’t even remember ordering, so Shouta must have done it when you were busy ranting) is sitting hot in front of you and ready to be eaten. You feel like a hot pile of blubber by the time you’re done, releasing a big sigh full of all the ghosts that have haunted you the past few days. And then you stab your fork into your food, and it feels oddly gratifying.

“...Sorry.”

Shouta just barely moves his head as he closes his eyes- a fairly weak version of shaking his head as a way to deny your apology. “I’d be on my last wire if I saw Nemuri and Hizashi fucking, too.”

Despite yourself, you snort.

“I know you haven’t worked at U.A for long, but if you wanted to ask for a day off, I think Nezu would be willing.” You barely open your mouth before he’s already shutting down your argument, “you want to help the students, and I understand that. But how much are you going to help them in this state? You can’t do anything if you’re doubting yourself and you’re sleep deprived on top of it all.”

Brutally honest, but they’re words you needed to hear. You sink into your seat and nibble on your food instead of arguing with him, which Shouta snorts amusedly at as he eats his food too.

Once again, he pays for the meal, but you don’t really try to argue about that, either. You appreciate how considerate he’s being right now.

“You’re right, and you know it too, so I don’t really have to say it. But you’re right.” Shouta smiles as you play with your fork, food now finished. “I haven’t had a day off in so long, I guess I forgot they existed. I don’t even know what I’d do, besides sleeping a lot.”

“Sleeping is always nice,” He comments and you roll your eyes, because of course he’d say that.

“What do you do on your days off?” Shouta gives you a look and you click your tongue. “Right.” Sleeping.

“Could always go out of town. Have a day trip.”

“I suppose, but I’m not really sure where I’d go,” you hum thoughtfully. “I’m not really sure what I even like to do… I know I like spending time with you. But I guess you have even less time than I do to really go anywhere, huh?”

You’re too out of it to really think about what you just admitted, and you’re looking out the window so you don’t see how Shouta’s face shifts at your little confession. “If you’re fine with me being on patrol, we could go somewhere. That’s probably the best I can do.”

And you’re also not aware of how foreign it feels for him to offer his time up like that for another person. You really have no idea- you just smile at him and light up. “Yeah, that’d be fine! Just having a day out, walking around and all that sounds nice. Aw man, it’s kind of exciting now,” you laugh, your eyes squeezing shut as your nose scrunches up.

Shouta discreetly looks away.

“I’m not very exciting, but whatever you say.”

“Well, that’s true,” ow, “you’re relaxing. And I think I need to relax more than I need excitement, really.” Oh.

He just hums in response.

“Well, anyway. Thanks a lot for letting me say all that. It was really nice of you,” you move the subject along, rummaging through your things until you find your phone and click it on. “It’s still awhile until class starts, but we should head back and check on the two love birds.”

“Hopefully they’re decent by now.” Shouta rolls his eyes, scooting out of the booth with you, and with the food already paid for, you both walk out of the diner together.

“I really can’t believe those two to begin with. Did you have any idea they were together?” You look up at him as you walk.

“Honestly? No. And that’s on purpose. I don’t want to know.”

You laugh. “That’s fair.”

Shouta hums again in response, and the two of you chat some more as you head back to U.A together. It’s nice that you can feel a bit lighter than before, now.

But it’s not fair. It’s not fair that now you’re feeling better, a bit more energized than before, you completely miss the way that Shouta looks at you. The way he’s been looking at you ever since you were exploding with anger at his two best friends.

A look that’s a bit too akin to attraction.

162 notes · View notes

camp-counselor-life · 2 years

Note

Oh yeah I know it’s a SpongeBob thing, it’s just that at the camp I went to they made a whole Thing about only telling certain campers about the Meaning of wumbo and if you didn’t attend an activity involving it or figure it out on your own You Weren’t Allowed To Know, anc I was wondering if like. Others experienced that/you’ve heard of it

Ah. That sounds like some kind of camp ritual or initiation. Was it a specific group of campers or just random campers? Specific group would point to something like an inside joke, a special treat, or initiation (like CITs). My best guess, which is probably your best guess, is that something happened at the activity - like a camp staff was explaining something and made the Spongebob reference and they all just ran with it - and then it's just hard to explain why it's funny.

Also is the special treat option, which is a variation on inside joke. What I mean by special treat is that, sometimes, when there's an issue with a group of campers, camp staff may try to get them to flow better through inside knowledge or action. It's maybe not the best way for the entire camp, but it is fairly effective with the group in question. It sounds like it was campers and staff from a specific activity/activities, making me think it's more of an inside joke/special treat situation.

It's hard to be excluded. That's an unfortunate way that your camp handled that, not being willing to explain what was happening. Generally there aren't a ton of good reasons to withhold information, with the exceptions being stuff like safety, personal information (camper and counselor), and heavy topics. Based on your asks, I'm assuming that what you're describing didn't fall under one of these umbrellas, unless, again, it's an inside joke created to lie about one of these things.

Hopefully that is a more helpful explanation and that next summer is better.

#anon #camp asks

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finalcreacher · 3 years

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From The Earth to The Morgue || Ch. 2

A/n- This has been in the editing stage since November...fuck.

No major warnings. Strong language, mentioned panic attacks and Ben’s death, and some suggestive content.

Word Count: 1,772 (or something like that??)

Comment or send an ask to be added to the taglist !!

Previous Chapter(s): One

At the end of the meeting, Klaus is confused. He spent the majority of the time anxious and worked up, and Y/n was nice enough to calm him down. Most people would ignore his odd behaviors, or yell at him to stop- that there was no reason for him to do it, that he was just doing it for attention. Which maybe wasn't all too untrue sometimes. He still hated that, he really did. But as the group counselor gets up, and wishes everyone a good rest of their day and to come back next week at the same time, and let's everyone know he'll still be here for a few extra minutes if anyone needs anything. Y/n let's go of his hand and quickly gathers up all of their stuff. They begin to leave with as little as a smile to him, and when he gives them an odd, worried look, they ask if he's coming to the next meeting.

He frantically nods, scrambling out of his seat. "Yes, I am!"

They stop at the exit, seemingly waiting for him. "I wasn't sure if you were going to show today," they answer honestly.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," he says, allowing Y/n to lead the two of them out of the building.

They hum in return, "Yeah? Why's that?"

They look out at the sidewalk, both directions crowded as all hell- as they decide to walk on the less populated side, and he follows suit. He rummages through his many pockets, when he finally slips out a small piece of paper.

"Well, you did give me this-" Klaus waves the folded drawing in your face. "What was that about? Besides,” he adds. “You were really cute."

They're about to say something, as Klaus reverts his attention to Ben, who lets out an exasperated sigh beside him, "Really, Klaus? First person that might actually see me, and you scare them off by flirting."

Klaus- trying to act innocent- throws his hands up. "What? I'm not doing anything."

Ben rolls his eyes at him. "Whatever, idiot. You should probably talk to them before they keep giving you that look."

Klaus looks back to see them with a perplexed and worried expression. He laughs, "You were saying?"

Y/n sighs, grinning at him. "You're really something, Klaus. Y'know, I was hoping you'd ask about the drawing. I saw you talking to someone- well,” they pause, hesitating. “I'm still not sure if it is someone. So either you're bat shit crazy, or you can sense someone, too."

Klaus laughs, "That's Ben. You can see him?"

They shake their head, "I sure felt him though. His presence, that is. He seems friendly- albeit a little invasive. Looking at someone's sketchbook uninvited is kinda rude, y'know?"

They laugh, "I'm only kidding. I guess you can see him?"

He nods, somewhere between excited and upset. "Unfortunately. Y'know, Ben's a real pain in the ass sometimes- even if he is a ghost."

Ben gives him another one of those "tired of Klaus' bullshit" looks. He received a lot of those.

"Can you see all ghosts?"

"Uh-huh, part of the whole super powered thing." Oh shit, he did not mean to bring that up. He's worried you'll ask about his dad, or his siblings or what it was like to be one of the six kids who trained for the Umbrella Academy. Well, seven if he counted his sister, Vanya. Most people tended to forget her. Sometimes, he wishes people would forget him. Ghosts, especially.

They smile at him, "That's cool."

That was new. "You don't want to know more?" He raises an eyebrow.

"I'm sure you'll tell me when you're ready. Besides, we just met."

He nodded along. He liked Y/n so far. They were intriguing- and intrigued by him- but they weren't all up in his business. He wanted to know more about them.

They interrupt his internal monologuing. "Do you live near here?"

"I'm staying at my boyfriend's- so, not exactly?" It wasn't a complete lie, but he wouldn't say anything he had with him a relationship. They hooked up once or twice, and occasionally he makes Klaus morning coffee and breakfast and they kiss sometimes- which he found a hard time admitting was actually nice- but they weren't dating. Klaus just needed a place to sleep. Nothing more, nothing less.

They hum, "We're near my place. Can I walk you home, or will I just have to see you next week?"

Klaus would love nothing more than to stay with them, walking aimlessly or heading back to their place- he didn’t mind which- but that didn't seem to be an option. And he really didn't want them meeting his not-boyfriend-boyfriend. "I'll see you next meeting!"

He tries not to look at their dejected expression, as he starts walking back in the direction they came.

"Other way, idiot," Ben lets him know.

"Gee, thanks." He looks to where they were standing, and finds they've already disappeared. Strange. He hopes he hadn't said anything to upset you.

|||

Klaus didn't make many meaningful connections. Not since he was young. It was hard enough growing up in isolation- his other siblings being his only confidants, his only comforts. And even that was hit or miss most of the time. They were all dealing with their own bullshit- plus one sort of ran away and the other died. Neither of those occurrences helped his friendship making skills much. Especially when one considers Klaus' only- and probably best- friend, is his dead brother, Ben. Who he's sure probably hates him sometimes. Or most times. He wouldn't be surprised. Klaus doesn't like himself very much either.

There was something about Y/n though, that felt right. A sort of connection he hadn't felt in quite some time- maybe ever. Since that day they helped him from an oncoming panic attack, he kept coming back for more. More time with them. More meetings. Every time, he'd go on walks with them afterwards, and Klaus and them would get to know each other on the way.

He learned that they were an artist. Well, he supposes he knew that already. But they'd been drawing their whole life. They said they considered making it their career once or twice, but- and this is word for word how they said it- shit happens. Klaus wonders what exactly stopped them, but figured whatever landed them a spot at NA meetings with people like him probably did the trick. He tells them they still could, and they brush him off and says they'll think about it. Klaus hopes they will.

They never ask about the academy, or his family. They do ask about Ben, and show sympathy when they find out the truth. Losing someone so close to you sucks. They never ask about Ben's past again. But they always ask Klaus how Ben's doing- present tense.

Usually good, Klaus will say. Sometimes he'll relay a message with something along the lines of Klaus being bothersome. And all in good fun, they'll giggle, and say they can relate to that. They always make sure Klaus knows they're joking, though.

Besides Ben though, they never talk about spirits. About why they could sense Ben, and if it's only Ben they can sense. Klaus realizes, early on in their friendship, that he didn't mind. He'd always wanted his siblings to understand his powers better- understand him better. He still does want that, too. But Y/n lets him exist without further explanation. They were so understanding, even when he showed his crazy and wild fronts. They gave him time to show his wild, undesirable sides and his good sides and every angle of him. To know him without analyzation but a kind understanding.

At the end of the walks, they'd always split off to go to their respective places of living- home for them, some rando's apartment for him. It's been a few weeks since the two of you met- and he doesn't have a good feeling when he comes back today. The guy he had been sleeping with was getting tired of Klaus. Of course, he was. Klaus didn't contribute, and left at odd hours of the day- and always came back not in his right mind. He's still unsure how he had stayed that long though. How he hadn't been kicked out sooner. Or, threatened to be.

He had been given a few days notice from his ex-not-boyfriend-boyfriend.

God, and he was getting so used to having a proper meal the other day. Then...his mind wanders off. Somewhere far into the corners of his brain, as it picks out an image of them. The realization hits in two steps. He had to leave Y/n- and he wants to tell them in person. Anytime Klaus found himself in similar situations- which was a good handful, maybe a dozen times a year- where he’d be tossed to the streets or require a different place to stay for one reason or another. Where he would have to leave all his small lives he’s created for himself- created as a dent in the shape of someone else’s life, insignificant and not impactful, yet, there nonetheless. Still his body had never ached at the idea of leaving people behind.

Their eyes go wide, and then furrow in worry. “You really don’t have anywhere else to go?” A ‘i’d hate for you to go’ staying as a lump in their throat.

Klaus shakes his head wildly, “Afraid not!”

Y/n looks away, as if in deep thought. They unconsciously bite at their thumb’s fingernail. "You can stay at my place- I have an extra bedroom."

Klaus perks up and looks at them with excited eyes, and then quickly deflates. "Are you sure? I don't have any cash, but I can do other things-"

They whip their head back to him, chuckling and muttering soft unheard ‘no’s under their breath- and then in a serious tone, "You're not whoring yourself out, Klaus."

"What? I would never." Both Y/n and Ben give him the same exasperated look.

"It'll be nice to have someone else there, for a change. Think of your company as payment enough, Klaus." There's something heavy in their words as they respond to Klaus, but he's not in the right state of mind (not sober enough) to begin to understand what it is. Like many things, he wouldn't ask. Most cases? He would. But there was something about their aura that screamed "Not Now"- and for once, he thinks he might feel bad disregarding that.

#ben hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #reader insert #klaus hargreeves x reader #klaus hargreeves x you #klaus hargreeves x s/o #the umbrella academy x reader #the umbrella academy #tua #tua fanfic #tua x reader #gender neutral reader #reblogs are appreciated !! :)

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sunny-flower-girl-01 · 4 years

Text

Ohana- A Hawaii Five-0 Fanfic Chapter Two

Enjoy! Please let me know what you guys think!

I am switching up the POV in this chapter and will probably continue like this. If you have a specific POV you'd like to hear from the characters, let me know.

~~~~~~~~~~~

At the Palace-

"You what!" Danny screeched as they exited the elevator. After they figured out that their "suspect" was going to be no help, they headed back to the office. Thank God everyone else was out of the office at the moment. The last thing Steve wanted to deal with is everyone else finding out about this before he had a chance to process it himself. He had spit it out to Danny on their elevator ride up to the office.

A baby. Steve was gonna have a baby. Well, Thea was going to have a baby. Steve's baby. He sighed and walked straight into his office, ignoring Danny as he continued to ask him to repeat what he just said.

"I'm sorry, you got who, what? You got a girl pregnant?" Danny followed him into the office quickly. Steve sighed again and sank down into his chair, head in my hands.

"What am I gonna do, Danny? I barely know this girl. We hooked up once when we met at the bar at Side Streets! Hell, I never even told her my name! She called me out of the blue yesterday and told me she had to see me in person. That it was urgent. It took me a minute to even realize who she was." He ranted, leaning back into the chair and stared up at the ceiling. Danny, for once, was silent. He looked like he was thinking which was never a good thing. After a moment he finally spoke up.

"What's her name?"

"Thea Kenwood. Why?" Steve asked. Without saying a word, he got up and left Steve sitting in the office alone. "Where are you going?" He called after him. Not a minute later he was back and tossed a file down on the desk. "What is this?"

He sat down in the chair in front of the desk again. "Theodora, also known as Thea, Kenwood. I knew she looked familiar when I saw her at Kamekona's. Grace is best friends with her sister, Nora. She's going to a sleepover there this weekend so I thought I'd look into who was going to have my kid overnight." He said, leaning back in his chair. He pointed to the file on the desk. "That, is a complete background check on the woman you've impregnated."

Steve stared at the file. Everything he wanted to suddenly know about this women was sitting right on his desk. He would know just about her entire life if he looked into it. Normally, Steve would have immediately done his own research about this woman. But something told him he shouldn't do it. He needed to respect her privacy more than that.

Ignoring his own thoughts, Steve looked up at Danny. "Did you read it?"

Danny nodded. "Yeah. Are you?"

Steve pulled the file over to him, staring at it for a moment. He looked up at Danny and shook his head. "Anything important I need to know?"

Danny leaned back and shrugged. "28. A counselor and board member down at the Hawaiian Youth Center. She has custody of her little sister Nora, the one that's best friends with Grace. Nothing really stands out. Just a hard working girl trying to raise a 7 year old. "

Steve nodded, rubbing his hand over his face while he swiveled slightly in his car. Steve spoke softly. "I'm gonna be a dad." He looked at Danny with glossy eyes. His eyes widened then snapped shut. "Oh god, I'm gonna be a dad!" Steve dropped his head onto his desk. Danny laughed and threw his head back.

"Oh boy, Super Seal having his first freak out. I love it." Danny chuckled, throwing his hands up.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

After Danny's laughter dies down, they sit in silence for several minutes.

"She gave me an out." Steve said softly. Danny's head shot up.

"You didn't take it did you?"

Steve shook his head. "No! No, I... He pulled the ultrasound out of his pocket and looked at it for a moment before handing it to Danny. "A small part of me wanted to, but she gave that to me. How can I not be a part of my own child's life? I can't just go on with my life everyday knowing that my kids out there and I wasn't a part of their life!" Steve ranted, talking with his hands like his partner does.

Danny looked up from the ultrasound. He was remembering how he felt seeing Grace for the first time on the monitor that day in the doctors office. "Wait, are you mad she gave you an out?"

Steve sighed as he leaned back and rubbed his eyes. "No. I mean, I don't know. How could she possibly think that I wouldn't be there? That's my child too."

Danny shook his head. "No, Steve. I'm sure she didn't mean it like that. I mean you said so yourself. You barely know the girl. That means she barely knows you too. How the hell was she supposed to know you wouldn't just say, 'Oh that really sucks for you but I don't want anything to do with you or the baby.'" He put the ultrasound back on the desk. "That freak out you just had a moment ago, I'm sure she's been having a similar one. She had nothing to tell her that you wouldn't just leave her and that kid out to dry." Danny sighed, leaning back to cross his legs. "Look, I know finding out you're gonna be a father is scary. I was terrified when Rachel and I found out we were gonna have Grace. Hell, she's seven years old and I'm still scared every day. But hey," Danny stood and reached across the desk to pull Steve to his feet and into a bro-hug. "You're not gonna be alone. You know we got your back no matter what."

Steve smiled and returned Danny's hug. "Thanks Danno."

Danny pulled away in time for Steve to see the eye roll at the nickname. "And whether she knows it or not, we've got Theas back. So anything you guys need, just let us know. Speaking of, are you gonna tell the cousins today or wait a bit?"

"I think I'm going to wait a bit. I at least want to have another chat with Thea and let this all sink in some more." Steve said. He pulled out the other piece of paper that Thea gave him with the ultrasound. "She has an appointment today that she invited me to. She said if I couldn't make it it wasn't a big deal. Id like to try and make it, but by the looks of this case I wont be able to." He sighed. He really wanted to be able to be there. He just hoped that Thea wouldn't like his not being there as a sign that he didn't want to be involved. That was a conversation that he was going to have to have with her. His job was dangerous and demanding.

"What time is the appointment? They usually aren't that long so I don't see why you couldn't go." Danny asked him.

Steve glanced at the slip of paper. "11. Its just 9:30. I don't know if Ill be able to make it. But I told her I would call her later even if I wasn't able to show up."

Danny shook his head, following Steve towards the office door after they saw Chin and Kono walk into the offices. "I swear, I'm going to get you to that appointment. Trust me, they're more important than you think."

"Hey boss, we think we have a new lead on our suspect." Chin said, going to work on the tech table to pull up some surveillance footage.

"Alright, what do we have?"

The doctors office-

Thea sighed, plopping the magazine down on the table in front of her chair in the waiting room. The wait was going on 30 minutes and the seated were extremely uncomfortable, even for non-pregnant women, Thea imagined. Finding a better doctors office was on her list of things to do today before she had to pick Nora up from school. Mindy was supposed to meet her after this for lunch so she could get her recommendations, but also so she could finally tell her who the father was. This was a conversation Thea was dying to have with her best friend.

She was also going to have to have a conversation with Rachel. Through the girls, the women have gotten pretty close. Rachel offered to help out with Nora whenever Thea needed help. Rachel told her that she remembered how exhausting it was to still work while pregnant and she couldn't imagine having to go through this alone, regardless of the father's help with the baby or not. She told Thea that everyone needs a support system and to not hesitate to call if she needed anything or just wanted to talk to someone who has been there.

Thea was thankful to have a wonderful support group. Between Mindy, Rachel, all her friends at work, and now from the sounds of it, Steve. She was finally starting to feel better about this pregnancy.

Thea smiled to herself and leaned back in the waiting room chair. Right as she was starting to get comfortable, her name was called. She made small talk with the nurse as they walked back to the exam room.

"So I hear were at 12 weeks already!" The nurse said excitingly. "Will the father be joining us today?" It was a routine question, her nurse last week had asked her the same thing.

"No, he's stuck at work. Its just me today." Thea said, smiling friendly at the nurse. It felt nice to be able to say that and actually mean it this time. She had used the same excuse on her visit a few weeks ago. She really hadn't expected Steve to come today but felt like she owed it to him to have the option.

"Aw, okay. Well, well make sure we get some good pictures of the little one for him to see." The nurse smiled and let Thea into the exam room. "Okay, if you'll just change into the top laid out on the table, then lay down, I will be right back to get started."

Thea nodded and waited for the nurse to leave before quickly changing into the paper like shirt. She groaned at how sensitive her boobs were rubbing against the thin fabric. She had already turned to wearing sports bras on most days since regular wired bras just weren't comfortable anymore. And she didn't see it getting any better for the rest of her pregnancy.

She hopped up on the table, trying her best not to mess up the paper that was laid across it. She leaned back and closed her eyes so she could try and get comfortable.

'Goddamn, the chairs and tables are made of bricks.' She thought to herself.

There was a knock on the door that startled her a little. "Uh, come in." Her eyes widened slightly when she saw Steve poke his head in the door.

"Is it okay that I come in?" He asked, opening the door up a little more to walk in.

Thea smiled softly at him. She hadn't expected him to show up today. "Yeah of course. I just didn't think you were going to be able to make it." She watched him walk in and close the door behind him. He walked over to the exam table and glanced down at her small bump that was much better to see in the top she was wearing now than the one she had on this morning.

"Yeah, I didn't think I was going to either. I have to get back to work after this, but I really wanted to be here so Danny and I made a pit stop." He said.

Before Thea could respond to him, there was another knock at the door and the nurse came into the room.

"Alrighty lets- Oh! Hello! You must be the father?" She smiled at Steve, a bit flirtier than Thea liked. She had no claim to Steve, so she didn't know why the nurse grinning at Steve like that irked her so much. They were going to be co-parents, that's it.

Steve politely smiled at the woman. "Uhm, yeah. Yeah I'm the father." He said, looking down at Thea, who was still looking at the nurse with a slight indifference. As a cop and SEAL, Steve picked up on it quickly, but Nurse Amanda, as the woman just introduced herself, didn't seem to notice the sudden change.

"Alrighty then, well, lets get started and see how your little one is doing." She pulled the monitor over to her. "Lift your shirt up to your chest," She motioned to Thea. "And I'm going to put some gel on. Fair warning its a little cold.

Thea pulled her shirt up to right under her boobs. She glanced up at Steve who was looking like a nervous wreck. Thea couldn't help but laugh a little bit.

"What?" Steve asked, his eyes meeting hers for the first time since he walked into the exam room. His green eyes met her amused ones.

"A Navy SEAL and a cop, and you look like you're about to faint." She giggled.

"I prefer the term, pass out, and no I'm not. I'm fine. Its just.." He trailed off, looking at the wand Nurse Amanda had in her hand. She pressed it to Theas abdomen gently and spread the blue gel around.

Thea took Steve's hand and squeezed it gently. This was her second ultrasound but she remembered how scared and nervous she was. "I know." She smiled softly. They both looked over at the nurse to see her turning the monitor around for them to see.

"Looks like the babies are doing great!" She exclaimed.

Theas head snapped away from the monitor and to the nurse. "The what?" Her eyes were wide. She was having one baby, not two.

"The babies. You're having twins!" She looked at the shocked faces of Steve and Thea. "Did you not know?"

"Does this look like the face of someone who knows she's having twins?!" Thea said loudly, causing Steve to snap out of the shock he was in. This morning he found out that he was about to be a father of a child. And now two. Theas hand was still in his, squeezing harder and harder.

"I'm not having twins. My last ultrasound showed ONE baby. ONE." She said.

The nurse moved the monitor over more so they could see. "One baby was probably well hidden behind the other, or was just not able to be seen on the screen. Lets see," She hit a few buttons on the screen then the sound of two rapid heartbeats came through the speakers. "There. There's the heart beats."

Thea opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Her eyes began to water up. Steve pulled one of the chairs over to sit next to her. His eyes never left the screen where he saw the two babies that Amanda had pointed out. He wrapped his other hand around his and Theas joined hands and lifted it to his lips, squeezing them gently. Thea squeezed back, looking over at him. She tried to hide the smile she had on her face but she couldn't.

"Twins would explain the all day morning sickness and the fainting spell you said you had earlier in your pregnancy. I'll take a couple pictures for you, then the doctor will be in."

Steve pulled their hands away. "Fainting spell?" He questioned Thea.

Thea used her other hand to wipe the few tears she had. "Uh, yeah. I was on my way up to my apartment one day with Mindy and I fainted outside my door. I thought it was just the heat and the long sleeved shirt I was wearing plus with how sick I had been feeling. After that Mindy kept asking if I was pregnant. A few days later I took a few tests. She looked at Steve. He had a look on his face, a worried look. It was only one time, I'm on my vitamins now and I'm careful about the heat." She gave his hand another squeeze.

Amanda said they would have the pictures for them at sign out and excused herself from the room.

Steve and Thea sat in silence, both thinking about what just happened.

~~~~~~~~~

After typing in this POV I'm not too sure how I like it, but I wanted to get this chapter out in time. I might come back and retype it later.

Please let me know what you guys think!! I really appreciate the feedback!

#steve mcgarrett #steve mcgarrett imagine #Hawaii Five 0 #hawaii five o imagine #danny williams #danny danno williams #grace williams #rachel edwards #mindy shaw #kono kalakaua #chin ho kelly #five 0 #mcgarrett

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