#maybe keep me and my baby Roo in your thoughts this week

[reasonsforhope]

If you're wondering why I set up ko-fi membership stuff after I really resisted monetizing in any way for so long, btw... Honestly, it's because taxes and some big surprise vet bills this month kinda. decimated my savings. by a lot.

Normally I'm okay enough financially, but I'm in a really high cost of living area, and it's just been a really rough month in a lot of different ways.

So, if you're interested in supporting me or my work, whether it's with a membership or a one-time thing or whatever - and only if you can genuinely afford it - that would honestly be amazing and more helpful than I strictly like to admit

As an extra incentive, if this ko-fi thing goes well, I'll commit to actually answering asks and shit again lol

Either way <3 <3 to all of you

[roosterforme]

How Do You Feel About the Parking Lot? (Rooster x Reader)

Part of The What If Collection of blurbs for Roo and Baby Girl. My masterlist. Banner by @mak-32

Warnings: language, drinking, angst, fluff

You were excited at first. Very excited. You showed off your ring to everyone and gushed over the fact that you were engaged. And while you were still wearing his mom's engagement ring, it was becoming obvious to Bradley that things were not quite as they should be.

"Hey," he said softly as he walked into the kitchen. It was exactly nine weeks ago that he'd proposed in the dining room and you'd happily accepted that ring that glittered on your finger right now. But tonight you just mumbled something at him without looking up from your computer where you sat at the island. It was nearly midnight on Friday, and he would have given anything for you to start planning this wedding with him. "Are you coming to bed soon? I thought we could talk about potential wedding dates."

"Oh," you replied without looking up at him. "I'm still putting this presentation together."

Bradley sighed. "Baby Girl, you've been working nonstop for weeks. I just want... a little bit of your time." He wanted a lot of things, actually. Like a long snuggle on the couch while you and he watched a movie, or a soak in the tub together. He'd love a blowjob or pinning your hands above your head while he slammed you into the bed. But mostly he'd love to plan his wedding to you, because more than anything, he wanted to get married this year. And it was already late September. 

You glanced up at him and adjusted your glasses. "How about tomorrow? I really need to get this done before my work trip."

"Sure," he whispered before pecking you on the cheek and heading off to climb into bed alone. 

But it only got worse from there. You worked all weekend. On Monday, you didn't come home until seven o'clock. Tuesday was eight o'clock. By Wednesday, he wasn't sure if you were even eating or sleeping any longer. And worse yet, you were leaving for Annapolis in a few days. Bradley wouldn't even see you for a week. Not that he really saw you now, he supposed. 

He ate a bowl of cereal for dinner before sinking down onto the couch with Tramp and a bottle of scotch. He turned on Real Housewives, but he wasn't really watching it. He took a sip, and it burned. But the next one didn't. And neither did the one after that. He started to feel better. But he'd stop when you got home. 

Another episode started, but it still wasn't holding his attention the way you would have, and that's when he realized it was once again seven o'clock, and you still weren't home. When his phone rang, he sloshed some of the alcohol onto his tee shirt reaching for it, and he was praying it was you calling to tell him you were on your way home. 

He pressed his lips together and then took a deep breath before he answered. "Hi, mom."

"Bradley! I haven't heard from the two of you in days! How's your lovely fiancée? And Tramp?"

The dog must have heard her voice through the phone, because he perked right up. But Bradley couldn't answer with anything other than a raspy, "Fine." 

The line went silent. "Are you sick? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, mom," he lied. "How are you? How's dad?"

"Well, I went to lunch with Brenda, and I got the scoop on all of her kids. And your dad needs hearing aids, but he keeps arguing with me about it. Maybe you can talk some sense into him, if he can even hear you."

"Okay," he replied, realizing the room had started spinning when he leaned back against the couch.

"Bradley, are you drunk?"

How could she possibly tell? His own wife-to-be couldn't seem to see what was going on, but Carole could tell by his voice from almost three thousand miles away. "I'm... fine, mom. I need to take Tramp for a walk. I love you and dad. Bye."

Then he ended the call, because he could feel tears in his eyes. And when you got home at nine, he was already asleep. 

-------------------------

You needed to go to happy hour with your boss and coworkers on Friday, but you really didn't want to. You'd been pulling twelve hour days, and you were so exhausted, you just wanted to climb into bed with Bradley and sleep until you left for Maryland on a Saturday night red eye flight. You also really needed to tell him that he had to lay off the wedding planning until you finished this work project. It was just a few months of all these extra hours, and you desperately wanted to be promoted. 

Your plan was to stop home quickly and change out of your uniform before heading back out with everyone to celebrate that fact that you were going to present your research at the Naval Academy. When you pulled into the driveway in your shitty, little red car, the Bronco was already there. But when you looked around the house for Bradley, you didn't immediately see him. But then you heard his voice through the open sliding glass door. He was sitting on the back patio in just his gym shorts with his back to the door and a half empty bottle of scotch set on his knee. 

His voice sounded miserable as he said, "I tried, mom. She just... doesn't seem to want to. I don't know what I did wrong." 

You froze in place. He had to be talking about you. Embarrassment and sadness filled you as you listened to what he said next. 

"I really wanted to get married this year."

You ran down the hallway to the bedroom as you fought off your tears. You had to get changed and go right now while you still could. In another week, you'd have a little more time to talk to him about the fact that you couldn't plan a wedding and get married in the next three months with your current schedule. 

You left the house again without talking to him, but he was still sitting on the patio on the phone. And when he dropped you off at the airport the following evening, he didn't seem to want to let you go as he whispered, "I love you, Sweetheart," and ran his thumb along your ring. 

"I love you too, Roo. I'll be home in a week, and then we can talk about maybe planning a wedding for next year?"

He swallowed hard and nodded. "If that's what you want."

---------------------------

When you landed in Maryland on Sunday morning, you were still exhausted and looking forward to crashing until your presentation on Monday. But Carole called you when you were at the baggage claim, and you knew you had to answer. A guilty feeling was about to eat you alive as you put on a bubbly voice and said, "Hi!"

"Have you arrived in Annapolis?" she asked straightaway, and you sighed because at least she didn't sound angry with you. 

"I did," you told her softly. "Still at the airport."

"Perfect," she replied. "I'll leave now, and I'll be there in less than fours hours, and we can go get lunch."

You were so stunned, you watched your bag go past without realizing you needed to pick it up. "You're going to drive up from Virginia?" you asked her slowly.

"Yes. I'm grabbing my keys right now. Bye, Goose! I'll be back later!" You listened to her call out to her husband, and then a few seconds later, you heard a door close and a car start. She was actually going to drive up here.

"Oh, okay," you muttered, pressing your lips together, embarrassed about where you'd left things with her son. "I'll... see you in a few hours."

You managed to take a short, restless nap while you waited for Carole to arrive. You changed into a simple dress and put on some makeup, but you didn't really feel any better until you met her at a restaurant in the city. She rushed down the sidewalk toward you with a bright smile on her face. "My sweet girl!" she called out, wrapping you up in a hug next to a few tables full of people enjoying their lunch outside. "It's been too long." She kissed your cheek and started to lead you inside. 

"Thanks for driving all the way up here," you told her, not bothering to fight the smile tugging your lips. She was absolute sunshine, and it was pointless to try to resist it. "You didn't have to do this."

"Nonsense," she said as the two of you made your way to a booth. "I wanted to see my future daughter-in-law."

You nodded and enjoyed some pleasant conversation. She told you all about Goose's appointment with an audiologist and about Brenda's kids. And after you finished your avocado toast and bowl of soup, she said, "Now, I think we should talk about what's really important."

Her voice wasn't unkind, and she was still smiling softly, but you knew what was coming as you whispered, "Okay."

Carole reached across the table and took your hand gently in hers. "I know you're smart and independent. And I also know that's part of why Bradley loves you so much. You don't need him. He's not offering you anything you can't get on your own or with someone else. You chose him, because you want him." Tears started to fill your eyes, and you had to swallow against the lump in your throat. "And he just wants you to be happy, so he would never tell you to your face that you're hurting him."

You tried to speak, but you just made a pathetic sound and started to sob. "I don't want to hurt him."

"I know you don't," she replied softly, squeezing your hand. "I know you're not trying to. But I think you need to tell him once and for all that you don't want to get married this year so he can finally get used to the idea of waiting a bit."

You buried your face in your free hand. Why were you trying to push it off anyway? It's not like you really cared where you got married or what the two of you were wearing. Planning some sort of huge celebration was not something you wanted to spend your time doing. You wanted to be with Bradley exactly as you were right now, just with two more rings and a certificate involved. 

When you looked up at Carole, you whispered, "I don't really think I actually want to wait. And I don't want you to hate me either."

"No," she gasped, standing and coming to sit next to your on your side of the booth. She kissed your tear streaked cheek and whispered, "I could never, my sweet darling girl. I think you just need to talk to Bradley, okay? Can you promise me you'll give him a few hours of your full attention? And maybe let him know how much he still means to you?"

"Yes," you croaked, and you let her hold you as you cried.

---------------------------

The week without you was kind of miserable. Bradley managed to dump the rest of the bottle of scotch at Carole's urging over the phone. And he did notice that she and Goose started calling with a bit more frequency which he didn't really mind. But the best part was that fact that you called him every night before you went to bed. 

Every time he answered your calls, his heart thundered in his chest. And as soon as he called you Sweetheart, he could practically hear you smiling through the phone. "I can't wait to pick you up on Friday," he said over and over. If he just felt like he mattered to you again, then he could wait until next year to get married. That was no big deal in the grand scheme of things.

But when he met you in baggage claim at San Diego International late on Friday night, he was so surprised, he could barely speak. You ran for him with a garment bag in your arms, but you let it fall to the floor when you reached him. "Roo," you moaned as soon as you were in his grasp. "I missed you so much." You kissed him deeply. "I just got off the phone with your mom again. And I didn't tell you before, but I went to see my friend Caleb a few days ago," you said as you smirked.

"The tattoo artist?" he asked as he kissed your cheek fifteen times. When you nodded he asked, "What's in the garment bag?"

"My wedding dress."

"Holy shit." He scooped it up off the floor and held it tight. "You bought a dress?" he asked, trying to hold you and the garment bag both to his chest at the same time.

"Yes," you told him matter-of-factly as you tugged him toward the exit while you kissed his lips. "How do you feel about getting married in the parking lot in two months?"

------------------------

[wannabemobwife]

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas - Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Blood is Thicker than Water

Dad!Mob!Tom x Mom!Mob!Reader

-Pairings: Tom Holland x Reader, Rosie Holland x Henry Osterfield, Rosie Holland x Linus Perry

-Warnings: References to sex, language, typos, sad thoughts, attempted suicide, vomiting

-Words: 4.4K

A/n: Thank you so mucg guys with all the live support. Finally done, yay, with part 1

Chapter 17: Blood is Thicker than Water

Words: 4.4K

Four years had passed and Rosie was the only one to stick around. Everything had changed. You and Tom were currently on your trip around the world. Traveling everywhere from Cuba to Greece. Taking in sights of the world.

Embarking on journey covering 3 continents and 10 countries so far. You had already visited the Taj Mahal in India, the Amalfi Coast for some sun, and Iceland just for the blue lagoon hot springs. You and Tom were having the time of your lives, it being the perfect distraction from everything back home.

Rosie was running the mob along with her new right hand and consigliere, Linus. Rosie had been taking on the mantle as the new leader of the Holland mob. Picking up where Parker left off. Trying to do him justice. Tom had helped her learn the ropes but she always had that fiery personality desired for a mob persona.

After four years, Rosie learned to embrace her grief instead of shoving it away, she began to visit Parker’s grave more and more. Tried to every week, but life got in the way. She would bring a new set of flowers to freshen up the old ones.

She knew today would be especially hard, every year it was impossible. Rosie could barely get through the day. Today was her 20th birthday, marking 4 years of celebrating without Parker.

Rosie and Henry’s relationship had grown into one full of misery. Trapped in a loveless relationship, but he was still her best friend. With just one look he would know what she was thinking.

Over the past couple years, Henry has been so obsessed with keeping her safe that it was driving her mad. Rosie understood that Henry didn’t want to lose her like he lost Parker, but Rosie ran a mob and danger followed her everywhere. They started drifting apart when everything happened with the Holland family, creating unfixable cracks in their foundation.

Lately, Rosie had been feeling someone watching her every move. Following her whenever she would be downtown. Feeling a presence she hasn’t felt in a while. Constantly shivering in fear, feeling as though she was observed. From then on, every move she made was calculated and thought out.

When Rosie first took on the mantle, she cleaned house. Eliminating those whose loyalty would always lie with Tom. Trying to affirm the fact that she was so much more than just Tom’s daughter. She had let William go and few others because she brought in Linus.

Even after starting her new regime, things have been a bit off, lately. She hasn’t been sleeping through the night. She’d jolt out of sleep, drenched in a cold sweat. Henry would be startled awake as well by her movement as move to comfort her.

“Roo, you okay?” Henry asked groggily, yawning a bit. Rosie gasping to catch her breath. Her dreams were supposed to be an escape but now they were doing more harm than good. “I don’t know. I keep having these dreams about Parker. Like he was trying to tell me something,” Rosie said, gathering her bearings. It wasn’t everyday she was visited by her deceased twin brother. “From beyond the grave?…Rosie, he’s gone,” Henry pondered. “I know, I just can’t shake this feeling. That he is… he’s.”

“What? Still alive? Honey, we buried him. You cried over him. If he was still alive don’t you think we would’ve shown his face by now. Wilson and Carter are gone, they have been for awhile now,” Henry explained, hoping it would bring her some solace. Henry wasn’t blind to the change in her demeanor, she did open up to him about being followed everywhere she went. “I guess you’re right. But my dreams feel so real,” Rosie whispered, lying back down. Ready to drift off into a deep sleep. One not tainted by the memory of Parker. “Go, back to sleep baby.” Henry said, he knew they would be getting up in a few hours anyway. Tomorrow was a very big day. Henry knew he and Rosie had been drifting but he was all set to give her the best birthday ever.

Henry had bought tickets for you and Tom to fly in for her birthday and stay for awhile. This time of year was hard for all of you but it wasn’t fair to Rosie. The day that is supposed to be about her has always been shared but now no one dared acknowledge it. It was just a reminder of what had been lost.

“Good morning, beautiful. Happy birthday,” Henry whispered, peppering her face in kisses as the morning sun shone through the curtains.

“Thank you,” Rosie sighed. Every year was a challenge. It got a little better every year but she knew she would never fully accept his absence.

“What do you have planned today?” Henry inquired, he was always one for big gestures. He absolutely hated that she no longer enjoyed her birthday.

As a kid she loved the idea of turning a year older, getting to grow up and getting loads of presents of course. You always made the priority of throwing the most perfect themed parties for Rosie and Parker. One year they had a pirate themed pool party with a treasure hunt and another a circus/carnival theme with fair games and a petting zoo. You loved going all out for their birthday. Just spoiling them in general.

Rosie and Parker, also Tom, can’t forget about him, made life worth living. You and Tom did everything for your kids, never wanting them to feel an ounce of sadness.

But the times had changed, you were no longer the mother to a son. It was just Rosie and you thanked God everyday that she was still there but your heart will forever be scarred.

Scars take forever to heal, sometimes never. There will never be a day when you don’t miss Parker or he doesn’t cross your mind. Everything you did from the moment he died was for him, in one way or another. You knew the grief would never stop but you hoped Rosie would one day be able to move on with life.

“You know…” Rosie murmured. “Oh yeah, say hi for me,” Henry nodded along remembering Rosie was going to spend the day next to her better half, Parker.

Rosie proceeded to get dressed and ready for the day. She wore a tight grey dress showing off the perfect curves of her body. And a pair of black high heels to complete her power woman ensemble. “Henry, you aren’t throwing me a party right? I really don’t want one,” Rosie inquired. Rosie would prefer to have all birthdays pass and wash away but she knew Henry wouldn’t allow that. At the most she would have a nice dinner with him and watch a movie.

“You’ll just wait to find out,” Henry grinned cheekily. In reality he was throwing her surprise party to help her find the joy in her birthday again.

“Henry seriously, not this year,” Rosie announced. “It’s never any year. You haven’t celebrated in 3 years. You need to get over this.”

“Get over what? The death of my twin brother?” Rosie asked, astounded at Henry’s previous statement. The nerve he had, wow.

“Roo, I’m sorry,” Henry tried to apologize but Rosie left in a huff.

“Talk later, Linus is waiting for me,” Rosie yelled, already walking out of the room. “Linus, you ready to go?” Rosie said, as she found him drinking coffee in her kitchen. He sat at the bar, legs dangling off the chair as she came down. “Yes, Roo,” he said, a little out of breath from taking the awe of her beauty.

“Please don’t call me that around Henry… What’s on the agenda?” Rosie asked Linus as she poured herself her own cup of coffee.

“Well, Shaw owes you 3 million and the deadline you gave him expired,” Linus explained, he knew Rosie hated having things held over her head. She would prefer to get them out of the way as soon as possible.

“Well then, let’s go pay him a visit. I could use a drink. Afterwards, can you drop me off at the cemetery?” “Of course, Roo,” Linus said. Rosie huffed in response, rolling her eyes at the name. Linus loved to get a rise out of Rosie. Her remarks to his comments were just a sign of their playful banter.Rosie’s relationship with Linus was complicated. They were partners, most of the time.

Rosie had gone really dark over the past years. There were days where she refused to get out of bed. Sitting in bed wasting the entire day away. Henry would come home from work and try his best to comfort her but after Parker he was just as lost as her. They lived in the same house but not truly together. Not as lovers, maybe as roommates.

All Rosie could feel were thoughts of hopelessness, desolation, and misery. Never being able to find that light at the end of the tunnel. She didn’t deserve to find it, thinking she was the one who pushed you and Tom away. Blaming herself for Parker. All these feelings and Henry wasn’t there, too busy with his own life.

One day, Rosie had gotten real low. Couldn’t find a way out so she went to the gun room grabbed the closest pistol, a bottle of scotch, a glass and sat in Tom’s office. She rested on Tom’s chair trying to find the will to end it all. To point the pistol and pull the trigger.

It would be so easy, the flick of a finger. No more pain. She tried not to think about everything she was giving up. Never seeing you or Tom again, or Henry. Never loving him again, if they ever did manage to find their way back to each others arms. Never experiencing the things that made life worth living.

All her thoughts were halted as Linus barged in. He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw the broken girl hold a gun unto her temple, its safety clicked off. The room was cold as an icy chill ran down his spine.

“Rosie, what are you doing!?!” Linus thundered, trying to stop her before she pulled the trigger. “I don’t know. I think I’m trying to end it all,” Rosie whispered as tears streamed down her face. Deep down she didn’t want to pull the trigger, she wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

“End what all? Your life?” Linus asked, trying to talk her off the metaphorical ledge. Something had to happen that pushed her to this point. Rosie had to be drowning and calling out for help but no one came. “No, it was never about killing myself. It was just about ending the pain and suffering,” she cried.

“Rosie, listen to me. There is so much more you have to live for. This will pass. Think about everything you are giving up.” Linus tried to appeal to the people she loved, you, Tom, and Henry. Losing Rosie would no longer make you a mother. How could Rosie take that away from you?

“I already have and it hasn’t, for 2 years. How do you know it will get any better?” Rosie begged for a true answer. She had been slumping around, letting the days pass her by as she stood silent, screaming non-vocally for help. Trapped in an asylum of misery. “I don’t. But I’ll be there to help you,” Linus exclaimed, giving her the truthful response she wanted. Rosie just needed to hear that she wasn’t alone in this world anymore. “No, you won’t. You’ll just leave like everyone else. Henry doesn’t love me anymore. My parents left. I’m all alone.” “Roo, you aren’t alone. Just hand me the gun and we can work this out. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here,” Linus pleaded. That was the first time he had used that nickname. The name had been reserved for only Henry, Parker and you. In that moment Rosie saw someone she missed so dearly in Linus, Parker. Parker was the only person who was 100% there for her. He was there to talk her off the ledge. He was there at her weakest and in a split second he was standing in front of her.

Rosie gave in, removing the gun from her temple, clicking the safety one and handing it over. She slowly stood up, coming over to Linus and collapsed in his arms. Rosie whispered a small “I missed you” as he held the broken girl. He was the only one who could pull her out. Not Henry, god she wished it was Henry. Linus understood her pain and didn’t try to fix everything.

Henry was the opposite. Constantly worrying about Rosie and trying to find a solution for everything. Things from the slightest backache to feelings of hopelessness. Rosie didn’t need fixing she just needed to be heard and Linus made sure she was. At Harmon’s, the bar was quite empty. Just Shaw and a few of his men. Shaw has borrowed money from Rosie to clear of a few charges. The Holland name had some pull in the legal community. Dating back to Dom’s days but Tom mostly laid down roots.

Linus entered first, firing two shots to take out Shaw’s capos. “Jesus Christ,” yelled Shaw as his protection thudded against the floor.

Rosie followed Linus in, making her presence known, “Shaw, you know I’m not a fan of people not staying true to their word. Do you have my money?”

“Rosie, doll. I paid you in full already. If this just your sad attempt to stir something up we can work this out another time. Shoo, let me finish my drink,” Shaw snickered. “Shaw, I know your games. You have 3 minutes to transfer my money right now. One for each million. I have Linus checking for a deposit of 3 million, make this simple and do it,” Rosie stated with an unchanging expression. “I need more time, that’s not enough. It’s all in separate accounts,” Shaw asserted, his voice starting to waver as he stared down the barrel of her pistol. “Well then, I’d hurry if I were you. Here’s your phone. Just wire the money… Starting now,” Rosie exclaimed as Linus devoted his stare to watch. Glancing at the seconds tick away.

“Fine, I’m going,” Shaw screamed, about to crack under the pressure.

“2 minutes left,” Linus chimed in. “Okay, I’m just inputing the dollar amount, it’s a lot of zeros.” Shaw tried to explain. He was about to lose his life because he was slow.

“50 secs.”

“I’m going, I’m going.”

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6—“

“I’m done,” Shaw said, letting out the breath he was holding.

“That was fast but not fast enough,” Rosie whispered raising her gun square to the back of his head. Her finger slipped to the trigger and fired a shot.

BANG

“Wow, I didn’t think you actually kill him,” Linus said, impressed by her ruthlessness.

“He was getting on my nerves, besides he will never borrow money from me again if he is dead,” Rosie chuckled. “You know I found that really hot,” Linus whispered in her ear. “You always do.” Rosie grinned at his advances, trying to pull her close to his chest. “Hey, this can’t keep happening.”

“Oh, come on. You say that every time. I can’t hide my feelings for you anymore.”

“Well, you are going to have to. I was clear about what this was. So I’m going to ask you this once more time, what do you want?” “I want you.” “Well you can have me in the bathroom in 2 minutes.” “Roo, you’re too good to me,” Linus smirked, following her as she glided to the restroom.

Everything lasted about 30 mins. They were in and out in a flash. The bar now smelled of sex and a dead bodies. Linus was the first to finish, coming out of the bathroom looking disheveled as hell. Sporting the same juts had a quickie look. Linus went to pull the car around after fixing his hair in the mirror.

Linus would never be Henry and that was a good thing, Linus was different. By no circumstances was Rosie in love with Linus or will ever be in love with him, he was merely a distraction. Rosie knew her relationship with him was wrong but he made her feel alive once more.

Rosie emerged from bathroom breathing heavy, almost gasping for air, with sweat glistening on her chest. She straightened out her dress as combed down her hair. Stepping out of the doorway, the smell of a fresh rotting body hit her.

Rosie immediately turned around and lunged for the toilet. She had been in the business for 3 years and never before had her body reacted this way. She hurled into the toilet for a good ten minutes. Eventually bringing her head out of the toilet bowl to wipe off her mouth. The air was now coupled with sex, dead bodies and vomit. She was clueless to what forced her to keep her head in a toilet bowl.

After her nausea spell passed her, she had Linus drop her off near the cemetery. “Oh, you can drop me off here. I need something from the pharmacy anyways,”Rosie informed Linus. She was planning on picking up something for her stomach, it was very unlikely for her to throw up suddenly.

“Ok, Roo. Do you need a ride home?” Linus questioned.

“No, Jared is supposed to pick me up. Thank you,” Rosie exclaimed, getting out of the car. “Alright. Happy birthday by the way. Can I have a kiss goodbye?” “Thank you and no. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah for the party,” Linus called out slowly driving away. “Wait! What did you say?” Rosie remarked but he was already long gone.

Rosie was mentally kicking herself, she didn’t have the willpower to deal with a party tonight. She specifically told Henry, not to throw one but since when did he listen to her.

Their road to ultimately heartbreak was a two way street. Both of them had done something to warrant the loveless relationship. Rosie admitted to herself, that she eventually did stop trying. She stopped constantly asking if Henry wanted to go out for dinner and what time he would be home. Rosie prefers to blame Henry but in reality, she was then one who let go first.

Rosie stopped showing him love, too distraught by his every move because it was a constant reminder her brother wasn’t there anymore. Henry would try to work him into every little conversation, remembering Parker in everything. It grew too much for Rosie. Rosie had never been one for confronting her feelings, preferring to shove them down but how could she, when Henry would never shut up about Parker.

Parker was the main reason a wedge had been driven between them, but she wouldn’t dream of blaming her dead brother. Who couldn’t even defend himself. Rosie needed a reset after Parker but Henry was stuck living in the past.

Rosie was ready to start her life with Henry after graduation but he couldn’t let go. After a while, Rosie became just like him. Stuck drifting into a void of pure sadness. Rosie couldn’t let go, along with Henry. Their lives went in different directions, Rosie was blossoming into a ruthless leader who would only act soft around Parker, vowing to visit his grave everyday. And Henry got left behind at some point, not seeing how he fit in her life anymore.

In the pharmacy she scanned the aisles for some sort of quick remedy. If Henry was throwing her a surprise party, one she specifically asked not for. Rosie didn’t have days to recuperate, maybe a few hours.

She found the largest bottle of Pepto-Bismol and stopped by the card aisle. Carefully grasping a birthday card for her favorite person. One that was funny yet endearing. Parker was addicted to all the corned jokes she would crack. She made her way to the register. In front of her stood a little old woman, she wore a purple floral dress and her white stained hair was pulled into a clip.

“Just this for you sweetie? Oh, who’s birthday is it?” Asked the little lady, referring to the birthday card Rosie grabbed for Parker.

“My brother’s and um, could I also get this,” Rosie responded as her eyes glanced below her. Skimming over the candy bars, gum packets and eventually landing on a pregnancy test. Come to think of it, Rosie was late about a week and a half.

“Of course, honey. Would you like to use the restroom?” Queried the lady. Rosie nodded in response. She finished paying and quickly made her way to the restroom. Following the directions on the box carefully, she needed to be a hundred percent sure, before she told anyone.

Right around the corner was the cemetery. She glided through iron gates, walking across the cobble stone path before she came upon the place she loved most in the world. The place where she would hold nothing back, spilling everything to him.

Life of a mob boss was dangerous but things started to seem eerie for Rosie. She would feel weird presences or someone watching her at eerie times. The same feeling plagued her at the cemetery, today. She knelt down to the headstone, engraved in it read “Here Lies Parker Jackson Holland, Taken from us too soon, a son, a brother, and a friend.”

“Hey, P. You probably get tired of me visiting you. Everyday I’m here and sometimes I think I do it for my benefit more than yours. I hope that wherever you are, you are happy and most likely you are with Charlotte. I’m happy for you, Parker. No matter how much I wish you were here with me, I know that you are happy that you escaped this life. Happy 20th birthday.” Rosie whispered, fixing the flowers that began to wilt from yesterday.

“I have some really amazing news to share with you, but it will have to wait till next time. You can’t be the first person I tell, I’m sorry. He deserves to know before you…. Oh my god, you’ll never believe what happened at work…”

This is the one thing that brought Rosie solace. She persistently blames herself for that fateful night 3 years ago. Rosie would spend hours kneeling next to his headstone. She would tell him about her life and read off the postcards you and Tom sent from your travels. Talking to him as if he was still there.

Rosie glanced at her watch, it was half past five and she hadn’t even called Jared yet to pick her up. “I’m sorry P, I gotta go. Henry, god love him but, that bastard is throwing me a birthday party. I guess I should at least make an appearance. I’ll see you tomorrow, I love you.” Rosie said, walking towards the parking lot.

She stood under the gate for ten minutes waiting for Jared to arrive and escort her home. The weather completely shifted as the sun set around her. The once blue sky changed to one painted with vibrant yellows and pinks. The sky was a sight not to be missed but she could do without the freezing winds that accompanied.

A chill ran down her spine as she waited in the darkness. Feeling a sensation that only warranted panic. Rosie felt someone watching her once again. Maybe from a far or up close, but she definitely wasn’t alone. It was silly that she let feelings like those get to her. She was a mob boss for god sakes, scaring even the most menacing of men into submission.

Rosie eyes started darting everywhere a noise left. In the corner of her eye she caught a figure drenched in shadows approaching. She tried to scramble for her gun, but soon realized she left it in Linus’s car.

The stranger kept making advances and managed to get to her. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a cloth to her mouth. Causing her to be consumed in darkness as her body grew limp.

Back at the manor, Henry was setting everything up perfectly. His mission was to make Rosie love her birthday once more. While Henry was working hard at hanging the birthday banner and decorating every corner with balloons, Linus was no help at all. Lounging on the couch and finishing a beer.

“So are you going to pick up Rosie and get off your ass?” Henry barked, pulling the coffee out from under Linus, causing him to spill his beer.

“Seriously, dude. What’s your problem?” Linus snapped.

“My problem is my girlfriend isn’t here. Aren’t you supposed to pick her up?” “No, Jared is.” “Linus, Jared is here. He has been for a few hours. Where is she?” Henry questioned, starting to worry. “I don’t know. Last, I left her at the cemetery.” “Henry! It’s so good to see you,” you cheered as Tom and you walked in. Hugging Henry after not seeing him for awhile. It still pained you to visit, traveling was the perfect distraction.

“Hope you have been taking care of yourself, son. Where’s Rosie?” Tom questioned. “Yeah, I’ve been good. At the moment, I don’t know where she is. She’s missing,” Henry concluded. You and Tom stood completely still as you processed the news. It wasn’t everyday that your daughter would disappear into thin air, but her job did keep her life in danger.Rosie missing was uncommon. It had happened once or twice in the past but that was 3 years ago. So much had changed, for the better. Yet, you were once again in the same place, in the house you left because everything was too familiar. Rosie missing was all too familiar.

Rosie came to. Opening her eyes to a place she chose to forget. For all she knew it was an exact replica. Warehouses riddled all of London’s ports, she could be anywhere.

“Text your driver and tell him Henry picked you up for a special birthday dinner,” Rosie’s kidnapper barked, thrusting a phone in front of her.

“Really? You kidnapped me? After 3 years of being leader of London’s most feared mob, it’s like been there done that. Do you want money or something? I have a party to get to.” Rosie quipped, annoyed with they man’s pursuits.

“Oh, I know. I believe happy birthday is granted. 20 years is a milestone.”

“Whatever, I don’t really like my birthday anyway.”

“Wanna talk about it?” The stranger pestered on. Rosie had learned lesson from the last time she was restrained to chair, rope around her wrists and ankles, ceasing blood flow. This time it was zip ties, a little basic for any mobster she has had a run with.

“No. I want you to let me go. Seriously, what do you want? I don’t think you know who I am. Or who my father is,” Rosie asserted.

“A moment alone together is all I ask and I know exactly who you are and who your dad is. Correction, who our dad is.”

“Parker.”

A/n: Finally the end. Alright, I'm going to bed. There is no set schedule for the sequel series, I'm just going to post a chapter when I finish writing it. Let me know if you like to be tagged in the sequel chapters.

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas Masterlist

Taglist: @thenoddingbunny-blog @adriannauni @dummiesshort @bi-lmg @allthisfortommy @quaksonhehe @housepartyprotocol

[12yeahiminluvwu]

Calm

pairing - Rudy Pankow x Little Sister!Reader

summary- Requested by @deathcompass :) “hi! your writing is amazing :) i was wondering if you could write something with drew/rudy where his younger sister has a panic attack and he helps her calm down because she gets them a lot?”

word count- 1.9+ 

warning(s)- panic attack tw, anxiety tw, swearing (maybe? idk), kinda cliche… gives me 2016 wattpad vibes ngl, the ending sucks i’m so sorry! very loosely edited

series masterlist 

masterlist

Disclaimer: I’ve only ever had very mild panic attacks so I’m going to use my own experiences to write this, but I do understand that they can be very severe and I’m not in any way trying to romanticize anything at all. I love you, stay safe <3 

-------------------------

“Hey bug, you ready to come home?” You sighed, realizing that summer was ending and you would be having to go back to Alaska for school. It hadn’t snuck up on you, but some part of you had hoped that you’d get to stay with your brother forever. 

“I guess…” You mumbled back, not wanting to hurt your parents but also not wanting to go back. 

“You’re all set to fly out in a few days, we can’t wait to see you!” Your mom exclaimed. You could hear the excitement in her voice which only broke your heart even more. The familiar feeling began to bubble up in your chest, making it seem like you couldn’t breathe in all the way, like something was taking up space in your lungs preventing you from getting enough oxygen. This hadn’t happened all summer, not since you came to live with Rudy. It had been so long since you felt it, you almost forgot the feeling altogether. 

“Sweetie? You still there?” Your mom’s voice brought you out of your own head and back into the real world, where a few minutes of silence had passed. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m here. I’ll see you soon. Love you guys.” You quickly ended the conversation, wanting to get as far away from your phone as possible, as your mind assimilated it with the panic you were feeling. 

This time, you were able to keep yourself calm.

--

“Baby, do you really have to leave?” Your boyfriend asked, his arms sliding around your waist, leaving goosebumps in their wake. The feeling of his skin on yours always ignited a fire within you, one you didn’t want to put out. You leaving in a few days felt like a storm threatening to wash away the wildfire the two of you had created together. 

“Yeah… I have to go back to school, my brother is gonna be filming season two of his show in Charleston, I’d have no one to stay with…” You mumbled into his chest, soaking in his scent, aching to remember every piece of him. Part of you wanted to believe that a long-distance relationship with him would work but the rest of you knew that it wasn’t fair to either of you. 

“Go to school here, with us! You could stay with me!” One of your best friends chimed in. A spark of hope lit up in your stomach, maybe you could stay. But then, like clockwork, that same feeling from earlier began to slither its way through your body. Your mind raced to all the things you’d be leaving behind, all the friends you had back home that you hadn’t seen in months. 

But as your mind raced and you sat with your new friends, and boyfriend (something you never thought you’d get back home), you realized the people in this room meant more to you than the people back home, who were only still friends with you because they didn’t have anyone else to be friends with. That still didn’t keep the panic at bay, but once again, you were able to keep yourself calm. 

--------------

“Roo, I wanna talk to you about something…” You said, coming into his room that night. 

“What’s up kid?” He asked, watching you sit down next to him on his bed. The way you twiddled your thumbs and chewed on your lips told him you were nervous about something, his mind racing to find out what it could be. The energy in the room shifted, and it was like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. Taking a big gulp, you started trying to verbalize your thoughts, even though it felt like you couldn’t breathe. 

“So… I was thinking- maybe- I… I could stay here with my friends and go to school here. She said she’d- she’d talk to her mom and ask if it was ok. But like, I would- I would need your help talking to mom and dad because I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but I really- really don;t want to go back home…” You stumbled out, hoping that he would understand what you had just word vomited at him. Slowly, you began to feel the burn of tears coming to your eyes, and desperately you tried to hold them back. 

“You want to stay here? How come?” He asked. He sat up, coaxing you into his arms cause he knows it calms you down. You laid your head on his chest and kept trying to take deep breaths as he stroked your hair. 

“I feel more understood by the people I’ve met here than I do by anyone in that stupid little town…” You whispered, “I’ve gotten closer to them in 3 months than I did to anyone back home in 16 years, Rudy. I have no one... no one real anyway.” 

“So you want to stay here in LA?” He asked again and you nodded. The sound of his voice was distant, sounding miles away. You did your best to focus on your breathing but that focus was quickly slipping away as your breathing became more sporadic and uneven. It was as if something was sitting on your chest, preventing you from getting enough air. 

“I’ll talk to mom and dad and see what they say. Kiddo, I need you to focus on your breathing ok? Focus on taking a deep breath all the way in and breathing all the way out.” He continued to run his fingers through your hair as you gasped in deep breaths and let the tears fall down your face. Slowly, the room started opening back up and even though the tears still ran down your face and your hands shook like an earthquake, it got a little easier to breathe. 

“That’s it, just like that,” He cooed. You sighed at the sound of his voice, remembering when you used to get these all the times before Rudy left home. After he was gone, they picked up even more and your mom and dad just didn’t quite know how to ground you like Rudy did. He was always there to protect you, it was a kick in the gut when he left you. But here he was, calming you down.

-----------------------------

Rudy sat up in the living room, the next morning. You were still asleep, somewhat exhausted from last night's events. The phone rang and he took a deep breath, hoping for nothing more than to be able to get you what you want. 

“Hey Rudy! How have you been?” Your guys’ mom answered and he smiled, hearing the happiness in her voice. 

“Hey mom, is dad around?” He asked and heard shuffling on the other end. Suddenly his dad's voice sounded from the line and they got a little lost in simple conversation. Rudy then remembered exactly why he called them and got down to business. 

“So I wanna talk to you about Y/n…” He trailed off and your parents went a little quiet. He started to feel the sweat gather on his palms and gulped down the nervous lump in his throat, noticing the shift of energy in the call. 

“Is she ok? Did something happen to her?” Your dad spewed out, worried that something might have happened to his little girl, but he shook his head before remembering they couldn’t see him. 

“No no no she’s fine, but I know you guys are gonna be a little skeptical about what I’m going to tell you,” He sighed before continuing on, “ She wants to stay here for the school year…” 

The line went quiet. He could tell his parents were shocked, the fact that their daughter didn’t want to come home was a lot to process and they had no idea what the reasoning behind it was. 

“What do you mean? She doesn’t want to come home?” The woman gasped, feeling tears well up in her eyes.

“She’s ade some really awesome friends, people she’s closer to than anyone she is with at home. She’s already lined up a place to stay while I’m shooting. I think you’d really like them actually. It’s one of her best friends and her mom, they’re really nice! I think you guys should change Y/n’s ticket so that you guys can come down here…” He rushed out, hoping they understood him, but he was met with silence once again. 

“Uhm… We’re not making any promises, but we’ll come down there so we can talk about this as a family…” His dad said and he nodded with a smile, agreeing. 

----------------------

You woke up feeling the events from last night lingering in your shoulders and neck. 

It was a familiar ache that only ever happened after an attack, a muscle tightness that made it feel as though you’d been sleeping on concrete for the past week. Doing your best to roll out the soreness, you walked into the kitchen to see Rudy with a look on his face that you couldn’t read. 

“So… I talked to mom and dad, and they’re gonna come here so we can talk about you staying!” He smiled and you felt like a little bit of the weight you’d been feeling lifted. 

“When are they coming?” 

“They’ll be here tomorrow,” He said, coming over and hugging me tightly, “We’ll get you where you need to be kid, promise!” 

----------------------

The tension in the room was thick enough to cut with a knife. Your parents sat across from you and your brother, silently. You could tell they were deep in thought, but it didn’t help the shaking that began to take over your hands. 

All you wanted was for them to understand. They weren’t always great at that… 

“Mom, are you gonna say anything?” You finally asked, wincing when she let out a sign.

“Y/n, I just don’t like the idea of you living with someone you just met three months ago....” She said finally and your dad nodded along with her. 

“You don’t understand though. I’m closer to them than I am to anybody back home! I know her and I know that she cares about me, her mom cares about me! When I wasn’t here, I was there. I’m practically already a part of the family! She’s had me and Rudy over for dinner so many times I lost count. She’s hosted dinner parties for the cast because she wants to get to know the people close to Rudy and I because she cares! She’s like a second mom to me. And I love you guys, I really do. But I’m just not happy at home! It doesn’t feel like home anymore. This… This feels like home.” You stood up, pacing back and forth, your voice gradually raising to try and hold in the tears that threatened to fall. 

“Baby…” 

“Momma…” You whispered pleadingly, looking her in the eyes for the first time since she’d arrived and finally letting the tears fall. Rudy was next to you in seconds, pulling you into his arms, doing his best to keep you grounded so you didn’t fall off the edge.

The silence was filled by your sniffles and Rudy’s whispers into your ear. Your parents looked at each other with a knowing look in their eyes. It was obvious that they were not your home anymore, and no matter how much it broke their hearts they knew they had to let you go.

“Y/n, honey, we want to meet the family first, but we think you should stay. We want you to be happy bug, and if this is where you’re happy, then this is where you should be!” Your mom finally said, coming over and wrapping you and your brother in a tight hug. Your dad followed in suit and soon enough you started to feel yourself calm down.

[sanshineaus]

your home

JUNG YOONOH / JAEHYUN X READER

warnings: there’s a verbal fight (kind of?) and an unclear mending of a relationship

type: drabble!

word count: 2996

a/n: thank you for your compliments love ):<3 but also sorry for this being so late, i’ve had a spell of watching the untamed/cql and i completely forgot to finish this

music recommendation: can you see my heart and wu ji even though neither fit lyrically, the melodies influenced me a lot

The light of your porch poorly illuminated the piece of paper in your hand, and you shivered despite the warmth of the evening.

It seems so trivial— a simple piece of paper. Simple, so simple that the black and white muddle together as you feel yourself tearing up. You still hold it far away from you, and your tears fall into your lap instead, but the blue lines of your signature at the bottom similarly blur in front of you until you can’t recognize that this is your handwriting.

Your company was incredibly generous after only five years of you working there. You did your best, of course, but you didn’t expect it to be paid back in the manner that it was; a raise that was the subsequence of a promotion. You were so excited to sign the contract and to finally get the coveted position, except you overlooked the fact that they now had the full right to change your station of work.

And that was exactly what they did.

Taking into account that you were young and skilled, and good at the language, your company offered a plane ticket and an address— as well as the option to pack within a week. ‘It’s a short time to bid farewell,’ they said, ‘but we expect it not to be too much of a problem.’

Business and family were not very good friends, you decided in that moment.

The drive back  to your home could very well be described as dangerous. You were a cautious driver, of course, though you struggled to focus your thoughts on anything but how you’ll tell your family that you were moving abroad at such short term notice. How to tell your friends that you would have to cancel your night out next week, too. But most of all, how to tell him.

Yoonoh and you have been dating for as long as you care to remember freshman year of college. He was in so many of your classes that it was simply impossible not to notice the dimple clad boy. He had more of a baby face back then, eighteen and eager to be part of the frathouse with a terrible composition of greek letters. It was easy to get lost in his flirting and niceties, and yet Yoonoh wasn’t like the other frat members.

His ways were more pure, and you’re pretty sure he kept track of when the two of you met up and for what. He enjoyed your company, and you enjoyed his, and eventually this enjoyment grew into a relationship by the end of second semester. You could distinctly remember that he brought you yogurt cups during finals to make sure you are something, and you similarly tried to get him granola bars whenever you were free.

Upon finishing college, you moved in together. Yoonoh struggled to get a job for a while, though you were both ecstatic when he got into his desired field and got the opportunity to do exactly what he loved. He grew pride for you as you did for him, and each day was better than the last. You simply understood each other through everything that happened to you.

And now you’d have to break to him that in a week, you’d be moving away from everyone, from him, and from your quaint little house.

You shivered again, and you realized that it was because of how truly distressed this made you. You didn’t want to leave Yoonoh, but you also didn’t want to leave your career. You argued many times with yourself that you’d love to move one day, but you didn’t expect it to be so soon, or without him for that matter.

You knew you could carry yourself well without him— you were your own person, after all— but the thought of him being so far away from you made bile rise in your throat. Maybe he’d move with you? Despite your company offering a one person apartment, you’d be more than willing to live with him in any small space, and search for other places. You needed to talk to him though, something which required a lot of mental fortitude.

You knew Yoonoh was inside and cooking you dinner. Your shift was a twelve hour one, and he’s been home for more than four hours now. You also knew he most likely heard you in the driveway, and you knew that he was waiting. He’d know you were upset, because it wasn’t like you do not go inside immediately unless you had a bad day or were energetic enough to tend to your garden. He could probably deduce it was the former since your shifts weren’t usually half a day long, though, and you’d be knackered by hour nine.

When you stood up, a light breeze lulled your dizzy headed self to the wooden pillar by you first. You neatly returned the paper you held into a folder you carried with you (with stickers he bought for you, something that usually made you happy but now seemed to serve the purpose of reminding you you’ll have to leave him).

Closing your eyes, you didn’t let your mind run through possible scenarios of how you’d tell him, instead clouding over with the image of Yoonoh’s hurt face, pursed lips, and offended eyes. Malaise settled in the depth of your stomach, and you used your sleeve to tap away your tears. It didn’t matter, though; your eyes were already red, and filling up again.

You moved towards the door so slowly you thought of yourself as more fitting of a zombie than a person. Turning the doorknob suddenly felt as if you were touching the surface of the sun, and a similarly unpleasant warmth spread all throughout your body. You felt feverish with anticipation, and once you finally were inside you busied yourself with taking off your shoes slowly, glancing up towards the kitchen every once in a while.

As expected, he was there, removing the pan you two used for everything from the stove and dividing it evenly into two plates. Your chest was hollow, suddenly, all words lost as you stared at him from the doorway, carefully tending to garnishing your dish even though you’ve told him so many times he doesn’t have to. Yoonoh looked perfect simply standing there, focused, and you contemplated if you really should go through with your promotion after all— or should you even tell him? You could keep it from him and quit, but then you’d hurt him even more by lying and losing your income.

You sighed before you walked in, the way his face lit up upon seeing you effectively stabbing you right in the heart. He wiped his hand on his apron, adorned with silly ducks and a house warming gift from one of your friends, before he approached you. You didn’t let him hug you, however, placing your hand on his chest while your other gripped onto the cursed folder within which were the documents that bound you to the company.

He seemed shocked before he seemed hurt.

You worldlessly handed him the folder, moving past him to sit down on the chairs by the isle, leaning onto the counter with a finger to your temple, rubbing down in an attempt to soothe yourself. When you looked back at him at last, he was already turned towards you. Even though you weren’t next to him, you could tell that he was shaking, his eyes filling with tears as he held onto the paper you did the same to.

“When?”

His voice betrayed him, shaking. He sounded unstable and upset, and you didn’t blame him in the slightest. You took a deep breath, “The promotion? Today. The move… on Wednesday, next week.” You wavered slightly, voice quieting down. He nodded, a pained smile spreading onto his lips, the tears finally slipping down his cheeks. You stood up, nearing him again, but when you reached up to try and cup his cheek he simply moved away.

“You should pack,” he said it in such a tone that you can feel the ice of his words freeze over the blood in your veins, “you should really pack.”

You grabbed his wrist instead, just as he’s about to lift his hand to close the folder. Yoonoh’s never been a violent guy— he’s never done anything rash or moved in a harsh way— but he tore his hand from your grasp, moving further away from you. He didn’t waver again, extending the folder to you.

“Go.”

You took the folder, gripping it to your chest and getting closer once more, “Yoonoh-“ “No.” he sounded mad, cold and he begun driving a rift between you. You opened your mouth again, but he simply turned away from you and began walking towards the living room opposite the dining area. You followed closely behind, calling his name once more, and although you didn’t expect him to react and were about to plead for him to listen, he turned back sharply with narrowed eyes.

“I don’t want to hear it, actually. You know it’s not easy for me to go with you, and it’s not easy for me to see you go either,” he sounded venomous, hurt. Your resolve cracks at its edges and the folder is discarded on top of your shoe stand.

“I don’t want to quit, Yoonoh-“ but he interrupted you again, “I know, (Y/N). I’m painfully aware you’re not going to quit, and I know I won’t let you do it anyway. But I’m not going to watch you leave me just like this, and I know you’ll try to convince me to come with you. You know I can’t.”

“And why not?” you hissed, eyes welling up yet again, “You know you could! You’d just have to-“

“Quit, leave all our friends and our family, settle with you and try to look for another job.” He harshly whispered before laughing humorlessly, “You know I won’t do that. I love my job, and I love you but I also love being here, and I don’t want to leave.”

You crossed your arms, the sense of pressure rushing all the way from your toes to the very top of your head, and the ache spreading through your body hurts in a much different way, “So you’re scared of change?”

This seemed to tip him over, and the tears on his cheeks raced down faster, a shuddering breath reaching your ears, “I think it’s best you leave. I really do.”

He turned away from you, closing the door to the living room and accompanying it with the click of the key inside the lock. It all suddenly rushed forward, and you felt yourself collapse emotionally, your sleeve failing to catch the stray tears as you rushed up the stairs.

You packed it all; your clothes, your special products, your pictures, devices and everything you had. It was a sad sight to see that two suitcases were all of your belongings for the past couple years, but you nonetheless rush them down while dialing the only person you know would be willing to help; Doyoung.

You opted not to drive in your confusion, rage and sadness, instead calling him to come pick you up. Your friend was sensible enough, obviously, though the concerned expression he donned and the same he pointed towards your front door told you that he was going to ask questions, and invest himself in this. Yoonoh and him were better friends, you knew this, though Doyoung was very much the type of person to judge someone based on information rather than relation, for which you were very grateful.

The ride to his place was mostly quiet, save for him insisting you can stay the whole week at his place and you claiming that a hotel would be fine. He didn’t let you go through with it, though, and even brought your luggage up to his guest room. His mother looked at you with so much sympathy— Miss Kim even hugged you tightly, enough to make you burst out into more tears— and Doyoung’s father chimed in with his own support, letting you know you’re always welcome.

The week was spent saying goodbye to your family members first, then the friends who you also had to apologize to, save for Doyoung. He made sure to help you with shopping for the trip itself as well, and even looked up the address your company gave and did the necessary research on the building while you worked and prepared.

Doyoung’s mum was even polite enough to go get your car from your (or Yoonoh’s, you weren’t sure quite yet) house, and his dad helped set up ads for the car to be sold. He also cheekily mentioned he would buy it off of you had he known how to drive your car specifically, to which you seriously offered to teach him how to use an automatic.

You were reading up on a tourist guide the night before your flight, when the door to Doyoung’s room opened slowly. Miss Kim carried a tray of fruit, and an expression of pure concern donned onto her aging face. You sat up properly in the computer chair, and she set the plates on the desk before taking a deep breath.

“Someone’s here to see you.”

Even though she didn’t explicitly state who, you knew. You knew Yoonoh was there, and it was excitement which bled into you first, closely followed by embarrassment. This was your friend’s house, where his parents lived no less, and yet your boyfriend (or was it now ex? You hoped not) showed up to see you, most likely talk to you as well. You had to compose yourself first before you nodded, following Miss Kim downstairs.

And really, there he was, again, though he seemed somehow paler. You had to gulp down your nervousness as you descended, whispering to him in passing that you want to take this outside. The Kims’ property was very large, intricately fenced, and you had no fear of the neighbours being snoopy here. Yoonoh, on the other hand, made you incredibly fearful, for whatever his words would be.

He avoided your gaze at first, though you uttered a ‘well?’ to get his attention, which made him regard you with shock, as if you broke him out of a reverie.

“I, uh…” he struggled, wringing his hands within one another before cracking his knuckles. You knew that he was nervous now, certainly.

“I’m sorry,” Yoonoh began with caution, “I shouldn’t have kicked you out. I shouldn’t even have acted like that. I-I… I wanted to wish you a safe trip,” his gaze fell onto the soft grass of the front yard of the Kims’ house, but you knew that if he were to look at you he’d want to say something else. You just had no idea what.

You reached up to cup his cheek, to which he responded by leaning his head into your palm, making you chuckle. “What do you want to tell me, sweet boy?” you tilted your own head, your eyes betraying that you were both upset and still very much in love with the man in front of you.

He snapped up as if he got bitten all of a sudden, settling on watching you. It took Yoonoh time, you knew this, and so you stayed calm, thumb slowly massaging the skin of his face. The silence was heavy, and yet somehow more comforting, warm. You posed that it could be because of how long it seemed since you last saw him, the trick of time making it feel as if it’s been more than just six days.

Yoonoh chuckled suddenly, bringing you back to the real life as he gripped your hand with his, indicating that he was ready; “I won’t move with you. I’m staying here. But I want this to work— I can’t without us. Even if it’s distance.”

You blinked once, twice, before you felt tears sting at your eyes and leave just as soon as they came. It felt as if he was confessing once again, like you were freshmen and he was just your friend who you liked a lot, and who you knew you’d end up loving. The warmth of the evening was equally reminiscent to the warmth of that evening, sitting together at a pathetic excuse of a beach bonfire party, and far away from the world. He was the only person you could see right now, and you wanted it to stay this way, maybe even forever.

Your breath hitched, and you nodded, before he took the initiative to hug you tightly. Whispered ‘I missed you’s and proclamations of love were exchanged, and yet again you felt yourself shedding way too many tears, staining your cheeks.

You stand at the airport, very familiar luggage in hand. None of your family was available today, which Mr. Kim found outrageous enough to make an entourage of his own, inviting your friends and of course himself and his wife, as well as Doyoung. You hug each and every one of the people in the party (though it takes a bit to separate from a sniffling Donghyuck who promises to sneak onto the flight in case you’re lonely). Until you reach Yoonoh.

You smile at him, which he reciprocates with a bit of an unsure but delightfully dimpled one of his own. He takes your hand first, and whispers in your ear while everyone else observes, and then he moulds his lips against your forehead, wishing you a safe flight.

You depart with joy on your face, but sorrow in your stomach. You wave, and wave, until you have to board and leave.

And when you’re on the plane, finally taking off, Yoonoh’s words ring in your mind once again.

‘I’ll see you next month, my darling.’

[utterlyinevitable]

Trials & Tribulations (CH. 4)

Me Without You

Chapter 1: Afterwards Chapter 2: The Next 4 Days Chapter 3: It All Falls Down

Love Interests: Ethan Ramsey, Bryce Lahela Word Count: 3.3k Warning: angst, adult themes, possible destructive mental health triggers Summary: Have you ever been so out of touch with your emotions that you constantly make choices? Yeah… That’s what Becca’s doing.

________________________________________ 

For almost two weeks Becca left him texts and voicemails at various times of the day - anything she could think of to reach him. She needed an explanation. Things were good, she thought. Why would he up and leave without saying a word? Weren’t they in a better place now? Why did he go? 

They’d slept together a few days ago, breaking down every sacred barrier of professionalism they’ve erected since Miami. It was an initial shock for them to be on the same team come the fall but they could work though it. They were stronger than this. They’ve been through so many secrets together how could they not? 

By day 9 Becca had long left the shock of abandonment behind and just needed to hear his voice, rationale be damned. His voicemail lulled her to sleep most nights when Rafael couldn’t come over to help numb the pain. The short curt message was so distinctly him; 

“Dr. Ethan Ramsey. Leave a voicemail or call 911 if it’s an emergency.” 

She’d always hung up right before the beep. Becca was embarrassed by how many times she called each day yet was more embarrassed to have him hear the desperation in her voice. As silly as she felt, it’s like a piece of her had gone missing. Eight weeks was a long time to pine after someone who ran away. More like an entire year… She had him once, why was he pushing her away again? 

After catching him leaving their apartment that fateful morning after her ethics hearing, Elijah and Sienna held onto Becca’s deepest secret. They saw no need to start drama within their group after everything that has happened, especially for one briefly passionate weekend. 

However short-lived, it was the most freeing three days of Rebecca Lao’s life. It felt right, he felt right. Why doesn’t he feel the same way? 

Ugh I can’t keep thinking of him. 

Becca pushed him to the back of her mind every single time he popped into it, forcing herself to focus on her patients and the little distraction known as her friends. Dr. Rebecca Lao was determined to move on, her completely decimated heart be damned. 

***

At 1:12PM on that ninth afternoon Becca snuck back to the locker room and sent him another text, 

Please let me know you’re okay. 

She huffed as she shoved her phone deep into her coat pocket, ready to go on lunch and wallow in her misery. 

For the last seven days Becca hadn’t worn a lick of makeup. She couldn’t bring herself to keep up appearances. Anyone could see the cracks through her painted face, so what’s the point in putting all the effort into it? She wore the bags under her eyes proudly a reminder that, albeit everything, she’s still alive and capable of thriving. Her greasy brown hair was pulled back in a haphazard bun and baby strands flying carelessly around her forehead, she hadn’t felt like washing it in a few days. Her eyes were dull. Nothing really sparked the fire in them anymore. No one was pushing her to reach past her potential anymore. 

I can’t wait to spend all day in bed tomorrow. Maybe I’ll actually take a relaxing bath…  

“Ah, Dr. Lao!” she heard the chipper and lively voice of Naveen call a few feet ahead of her. She looked up from her fixated gaze on the stark white linoleum and to the old doctor bounding happily towards her with his cane. “How are you?”  

“I’m fine, thank you for asking,” she responded trying not to meet his inquisitive eyes. “How have you been?”  

The question was simple enough. It was obligatory small talk in most circles however here and now they held a deeper meaning. Rebecca couldn’t have been the only one taking His departure roughly. 

“Hanging in there,” he told her honestly with newly darkened eyes, and she gave him a sad smile back. Naveen extended an olive branch to the only other person that would understand, “Would you care to join me for lunch?”  

“I’d like that, yeah.” 

“Wonderful,” he beamed “I’ll meet you in the atrium in 15 minutes?”  

Beca forced a small smile, “It’s a date.” 

  Naveen and Becca sat at a table at one of his favorite local Indian restaurants near the hospital. During the fifteen minute drive over, the man raved about the chutney and how the family-run establishment was one of the only ones with a proper heat meter - “not like conservative dishes you’d find at chains”.  

The two pleasantly spoke of their last few days as if they were two lifelong friends despite only knowing one another for a few months. Once the waiter brought over their meals she finally let herself ask the question causing hives at the back of her neck, “Have you heard from him?” 

Naveen moved the rice around his plate to mix with his lamb curry and took a deep breath; he knew this was coming. 

“He sent me an email once he got there,” he said as evenly as he could manage. “I’m sure he’s fine. Ethan’s tough.” Naveen wished he could ease the woes he’s seen pass the young resident’s features ever since that day of the announcement. But his loyalty towards his makeshift son outweighed conflict in his heart. There was a reason Ethan didn’t tell her and I must respect it. However misplaced. With a slight smile he tried to reassure her instead, “Surely enough, no matter his rank, he would have taken control and whipped everyone into shape. He’ll be back home to us soon enough.” 

Email? She didn’t think of that… God, He is an old man.  

Her attention was fixed on the salad in front of her, pushing the leaves one over the other. “I jus -” There were so many questions she needed answers to. If anyone knew Him well enough to help her speculate his motives it would be his most dearest friend. Her voice was small as she continued, “Why didn’t he tell me?” It took a lot of strength to keep her voice from cracking. 

Her stormy eyes finally lifted to meet warm brown. The deep marks of age on his dark brown features arched downwards in sympathy. He set his fork down by his plate and dabbed the corners of his mouth, preparing to ease the mind of this doleful girl. 

“He told me he applied the moment he quit but didn’t expect to hear back. It was a wishful thought; he never would be able to stay retired long. We have that in common, him and I. As for why he didn’t tell you I can only speculate.” The older doctor tried to keep his features impartial and failed. “The boy has a one track mind sometimes; when he puts his mind to it nothing will stop him until he’s reached the desired outcome.” 

She’s seen Him exhibit that kind of behavior before and gave Naveen a sad smile back in recognition. 

Naveen reached across the table to cover her hand with his. “He’s been through a lot in life and hasn’t always been the best with feelings. But when you know him long enough, and get to know his expressions, it’s easy to see something...” the Chief of Medicine chose his words carefully, “intimate has become of you two.” 

Normally Becca would have scoffed at the insinuation, but now she just couldn’t bring herself to react. Naveen’s words were settling in - she knew He had scars from his childhood that he didn’t dare talk about. She knew He was closed off and an acquired taste. And she knew Naveen was half-right. 

Sadly she replied, “I don’t think there’s anything between us.”  

Naveen didn’t want to argue, he could see through the broken girl in front of him and his heart ached for them both. 

Rightfully he changed the subject, “Are you working on any exciting cases?” 

“Not as exciting as they are unfortunate,” she shrugged, picking at the salad. “I have a young girl with leukemia and a patient on dialysis with pneumonia. I’m not sure either of them will pull through.”  

“If you need any help, I’m only a page away.” His gaze cascaded a sense of comforting warmth over her. “You’re not just my grandmentee, you’re family.” 

She was happy to have Naveen in her corner but couldn’t help wondering if the offer was conditionally tied to him. 

“Thank you.”  

“Thank you for joining me,” Naveen acknowledged, “I say we make this a routine thing!” 

For the first time in a long time the corners of her lips perked up, “I’d like that.” 

That evening she sent him an email;  

Hey, 

I know you’re kicking ass down there (you know I mean the outbreak, please don’t punch anyone!), but I hope you’re being safe. I had lunch with Naveen today, he’s really worried about you. We miss you. Please please please let us know you’re okay. I’m still mad at you for leaving but I’ll forgive you if you just please talk to me. If I did something wrong, I’m sorry. I just want to know that you’re alive and well. Even if you don’t want to talk to me, please keep Naveen updated. 

See you soon, 

R x 

***

“Roo-mie Bar Crawl. Roo-mie Bar Crawl.” Sienna chanted from the middle of their living room. The gang was all dressed up and ready to let loose after a really harrowing week on the job.  

Becca hadn’t contacted Him since that first and last email three days ago. She made her peace with it. After days of trying, a deep conversation with Naveen, and receiving absolutely nothing in return for her efforts, she settled on the assumption that He was ghosting her. Her heart ached but she didn’t want to let the heartbreak consume her. Instead she’d find other distractions. 

Those distractions came in the form of Rafael, Bryce, and Sienna. Each friend mended a different part of her tattered heart. Sienna took care of her by way of baked goods, forcing her to talk about her feelings and retail therapy - Becca needed a bit of mothering in these last few days, especially since she didn’t have a close relationship with her birth mother. Bryce was her feel-good companion, he’d take her out for a drink or an excursion, anything he could possibly do to have her smile reach her eyes once again. Lastly, Rafael helped take care of her intimately - although he’s been M.I.A. the last week… 

The group congregated in their shared living room, ready to go. Becca sat on the sofa next to Bryce as he helped lace up her heels. Sienna chanted once again and everyone cheered a response. Once more Elijah listed off items and everyone patted their pockets and their bags. Phone? Check. Wallet? Check. ID? Check.

“Is Raf not coming?” Becca asked as they paraded through the hallway.  

“No, he’s got plans with his girlfriend,” Jackie said matter-of-factly.  

Becca's footsteps fell behind her friend ever so slightly. What!? 

“Really? When’d that happen?” 

Jackie retorted like it wasn’t the most important bit of information, “I don’t know, recently?”  

“She’s his childhood sweetheart,” Kyra piped in. “Just moved back and they’ve been on a few dates. Very romantic.” 

Becca bit her lip, “Yeah… good for them.”  

There were so many questions racing through her mind. They had just slept together for the fifth and seemingly final time less than 2 weeks ago. Was Becca the other woman? No matter the questions there’s just one thing Becca couldn’t shake; 

I’ve gone and thrown myself at another man who doesn’t want me. 

She was determined to have a good time regardless of the mountain of rejection forming at her core. Good thing alcohol’s the best medicine… She was prepared to spend the next few hours looming in her chaos, choosing reckless behavior instead of facing her feelings. 

***

The group pregamed at Donohues for happy hour, choosing to spend their most coherent of hours in a familiar place. They downed 2-for-1 tequila shots each and played a round of darts until the board began to move. Becca did all she could to keep from staring at the empty far corner of the bar. Every time she did she took another shot.  

Then the residents made their way to a dive bar for cheap drinks. It was a small hole-in-the-wall place with not enough space for the large group. Bryce and Kyra went in to grab the first and only round bringing it out to the side of the building where everyone else was waiting. The sun had now fully set and the group was getting cold. To warm up Jackie suggested they chugged.  

Fifteen minutes later they ended up at a sports bar and grabbed some quick grub. Elijah was drawn to the TV playing a game Becca couldn’t care less about. Her and Bryce shared a plate of nachos and a double cheeseburger with onion rings. Sienna gave a side eye at how close her two friends were becoming. After the third bar the group started to fan out, Aurora and Kyra headed home needing a solid seven hours of sleep to be functional. 

Feeling the buzz and forgetting about Raf, they powered on! On their way to the club the group passed an Irish pub with music blasting. They accepted the inevitable detour and danced in the middle of the floor to the house fiddle band. Everyone had one drink before Sienna, Jackie and Elijah bowed out afterwards overcome with exhaustion. 

The last two troops gave one another a devious smirk and headed to the club arm in arm. 

Bryce and Becca held off on drinks feeling full of life from the last few rounds and put off by the elite pricing. He grabbed her hand and led her onto the technicolor floor. They danced and danced to song after song. Occasionally she’d turn around and he'd hold her flush to his chest. The sensation releasing copious amounts of serotonin and oxytocin. 

At one point she was sandwiched between Bryce and another hopeless stranger. It seemed the two men wanted to outlast the other. She found the determined glimmer in her friend’s eye so amusing. Becca turned away from the poor stranger and back to Bryce, the two men calling a silent truce. He raised his eyebrows and she mouthed “stay”. He moved in closer and kissed her temple causing the nameless hopeful to storm away. 

They stayed. They danced. They drank. 

Bryce leaned over to speak into her ear, “That guys totally checking you out.” 

She cocked her head to see a dark skinned stranger in well-tailored clothes eyeing them. 

“Maybe he’s checking you out,” she sneered.  

Bryce’s contagious and magnificent smile lit up his face, “He’s definitely trying to figure out if we’re together.” 

She made a show of rolling her eyes.  

Pointing over his shoulder he said, “I’m gonna go get us another round.” 

The mystery stranger used that as an opportunity. 

“Hey,” his tenor voice smooth and unconflicted. 

The stranger wasn’t much taller than Becca. He had dark olive skin, enchanting amber eyes, a buzz cut which is so different from her type - she liked a man with locks she could latch on to. His shallow beard accented his chiseled jaw. He wore a navy blue v-neck that drew the attention to the defined muscles beneath. He was a small man compared to those she surrounded herself with, and was a stark contrast to what she was attracted to. And maybe, just maybe he could help her forget for a minute. 

“Hey,” Becca said back, scanning the crowd over the man’s shoulder for Bryce’s return. 

Before she knew it she was bumped in the back and tumbling towards the handsome stranger. Bryce was the culprit walking hand in hand with another girl he picked up at the bar as he shot his friend an encouraging wink.

The stranger nodded over to Bryce’s retreating form, “Looks like you’ve been dumped.”  

“I’ve been abandoned by my friend,” she clarified. Becca’s eyes locked with the olive strangers and shrugged, “Guess I’m in the market for some company.”  

He raised his eyebrows and they both moved to close the distance, letting the air around them take control. His thin hand moved to her waist while one of hers laid to rest on his taut forearm. They moved in unison. She kissed the stranger fiercely for what felt like hours in the middle of the club, their tongues battling for dominance. His left hand trailed up to her hair and the right settled on the skin at the small of her back to keep her flush to him. When they came up for air he asked Becca to go home with him. 

Without hesitation she said she’d meet him at the bar in five. 

Sitting in the dirty bathroom she couldn’t believe what she was doing. She was intoxicated, alone and willing to go home with just about anyone that would give her the time of day? No. She was stronger than this. She shouldn’t succumb to this. She wasn’t desperate enough to do this.

But the alcohol took over. 

She regretted the decision immediately. 

After all this time she never expected a response. 

First with a text, Are you ok? 

Why now? She thought as she stood in the dingy bathroom watching the notification flash over her lockscreen.

She fled. 

Becca shoved her phone deep in her pocket and retreated back to the commotion as fast she could. She scanned the room briefly looking for Bryce but spotted the stranger moving onto his next conquest. She reached the base of the stairs, her phone incessantly vibrating. She pulled it out to see the same message sent a second time. Against her better judgment she typed back;  

Not at all. 

Within seconds, flashing across the phone screen was the name she longed for. 

Incoming: Ethan Ramsey 

She didn’t have a chance to say anything as she made her way outdoors before he asked in a low and stoic voice, “Where are you?” 

“Where are you?” 

“Rebecca…”  

She wanted to hang up so badly. But his voice… How she missed his voice. And he was there. He sees her messages - he called because he cares. Well that’s what she told herself. Why else would he finally respond after all these days?  

Her words were caught in her throat - she had so many things she wanted to say to him - to ask him, but nothing came out. She was rendered mute between the embarrassment and opportunity. 

“Becca are you still there?” 

She had to open and close her mouth a few times before the words manifested on her tongue. “Right where… you left me,” she whispered more to herself than anything. 

He left. He left me. 

The two ex-lovers were silent, the load of everything she’s had to bottle up finally taking its toll and Becca started to sob. All of the feelings she’d tried to box away and shrug off came crashing down. Ethan Ramsey broke her heart. He let her into his world outside of Edenbrook and vice versa. She let herself fall for him and it became detrimental, a derailment to every hope she started residency with. 

Another person she considered close had betrayed her. 

Another man had disappointed and abandoned her. 

Becca never talked much about her past, gently refusing to confront the heartache her father caused her, what Landry had done to her, how Rafael avoided her and how her idol, her mentor and lover abandoned her. The culmination broke her. 

She dropped to the curb, her vision impared by her tears. She let her face fall in her left hand and clutched the phone in her right to her ear. One word kept running through her mind as she completely fell apart on a dim Boston street at an ungodly hour of the evening, praying that the son-of-a-bitch on the other end of the line would put her at ease; 

Pathetic. 

“Bec-” 

She hung up the phone.

________________________________________

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[hermankopusortizorsumshite]

You got a phone call from Tig, a lockdown was in effect. He arrived ready to escort you back to the clubhouse.

“Hey, we got a couple out of towners hangin’ for extra muscle. Don’t let ‘em get to ya.” He chuckles, grabbing your duffel and tossing it over his shoulder, his other arm draping over your shoulders. Leading you into the clubhouse, he takes your bag down the hall, last door on the right. He noticed a couple duffels with the SAMTAC patch on them, heading into the main room, his eyes lock on the Tacoma Moron. The blonde headed idiot. He starts to grit his teeth to keep from saying anything. Those duffels were Kozik’s. It didn’t take an fbi to figure that out.

“Clay. What the hell’s Tacoma doin’ here?” He growls, keeping his voice low so you couldn’t hear them.

“He’s here in business.”

“Yeah? I bet he didn’t happen to tell you him and his ol’ lady haven’t been together in the past six months. Haven’t even seen each other in six months. She could be in danger and he’s gonna push her out.” Tig barks, jabbing a finger behind him.

Blue eyes met yours, yours met his. Your heart stopped. Kozik. You choked on the air you sucked in and you ducked.

“Are you stupid?” You muttered to yourself, tucked against the bar.

“Was that my wife?” He asks out loud, grabbing a long drink from his beer before heading towards you. “Baby?” He asks, looking under the barstool after you.

“Oh fuck.” You stand, slamming your head under the bar and drop to the floor, grabbing your head and groaning. You hear him chuckling, but it’s quickly quieted when Tig stalks up. You knew it was him from his shiny black boots.

“Back off, Blondie.” He barks, stepping between you two, grabbing your hand and pulling you up into his grip.

“Listen, that’s still my wife.” Kozik warns, his eyes looking over you.

“You left her for six months. And you still think you can claim her? Jesus, you’re as dumb as you look.” He barks, pushing past him. You snorted, that was kind of funny.

“So tell me something now. Why are you here?” You ask, eyeing the blonde.

“Here cause Clay asked me. Didn’t realize you’d be here. Sorry, I should have warned you.” He whispers, eyes pleading with you for a moment before he turns and heads back to his beer. You watched him go, a small sigh escaping you.

Heart thundering heavy against your chest, you stumble back to the bedroom to find SAMTAC bags on the floor near the bed on the left side of the room.

“Are you serious?” Grabbing the handles you toss them into the hall, something fluttering to the ground from his bag. Bending down to pick it up, just as you flip it a hand reaches down and snatches it from your hand. You had caught a glimpse of your own face in a Polaroid.

“Don’t touch it.” He sucks the corner of his lip into his teeth, chewing on it.

“Sorry, I was just moving the bags. I didn’t realize they were yours.” You hush, running your tongue over your teeth and grabbing the door knob.

“You knew they were mine.” He barks, shaking his head.

“No, I didn’t.” You argue, swinging open the door only to be stopped by his hand gripping your arm. You hiss and yank away from him as if he were burning you.

“You did. You knew. Babe, I—“

“Don’t call me that.” You nip stalking away from him.

“Doll—“

You were sitting at the table, under Tig’s protective arm and Gemma’s harsh stare.

“Hey, can I talk to you?” He asks, stepping up to the table hands in his pockets and shifting from foot to foot. You groan, standing and stepping a little ways away from the that helped you through the first few weeks of separation.

“What?” You ask, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Uhm, so the only room left was the back one, and it was the only one with a couch and not a chair, I was wondering if you’d let me sleep there. On the couch, I mean.” He stammers, hand scrubbing the back of his neck. He was nervous. He was unsure of you in front of the MC, which wasn’t right. You wanted him to look as tough as he deserved.

“Of course, just stay off the bed.” You chuckle, eyes meeting his for a second to find a twinkle of something there. You dismissed it when your turned and promptly sat back down next to Tig.

As you bid everyone goodnight and headed to bed, you noticed Kozik was still up talking to Jax and Opie, his attention on them. You slipped into the room, pulling the blanket from the bed and laying a pillow and blanket on the couch. Pulling off your jeans and shirt, you slip into an old SAMTAC shirt you’d kept of Kozik’s. For a moment, you contemplated changing, but Tig shot you a text that finalized your decision.

Tiggy: Headed your way. Let me know if you need me. ❤️

You dove into the bed, covering your face up and shutting your eyes. In moments, you were fast asleep.

Kozik walked down the hall, his breath catching every now and again. He’d never been nervous like this before around you, but he was going to be careful. Lucky didn’t even begin to describe how he felt that she agreed so quickly. Truthfully, he’d sleep on the floor if it meant being in the same room as you. It had been six months, six long months without you, and the moment he’d heard the words ‘lock down’ his heart had raced so hard he thought he’d die.

Giving a soft knock, he cracks the door to find you sprawled across the bed. At first a chuckle left his lips, a soft smile clung to his lips. Taking a step into the room, his eyes fell across your small body, a pair of black lace panties on and his old SAMTAC tee shirt that normally swallowed you whole. But it was ridden up and splayed around you.

With a shaking hand, he slipped a finger under the corner of the comforter and pulled it back over you. Something broke in his heart as he leaned to press a kiss to your forehead. He stopped himself and stepped away, taking a shaky breath. Running a hand through his hair he almost stumbles to the bathroom to shower to get his mind off you. Rubbing his knuckles back and forth against each other, he grabs towel and gets out, towel-drying his hair and body, wrapping the towel around his waist and stepping back into the roo, to find you awake.

“Shit, I’m sorry, baby. I thought you were sleeping.” He mutters, grabbing for his bag.

“Christ Kozik, I’m still your wife. You don’t have to play the decency card with me.” You chuckle, rolling onto your tummy to face away from him. He too chuckled for a moment before dropping the towel at the foot of the bed to change. A squeak escaped you when you glanced behind you to find the blonde man naked, digging through a duffel bag. Looking over his shoulder at you, a little smirk playing at the corner of his mouth.

“Fuck.” You whisper, eyes falling on the tattoos across his back and arms. You’d gone so long without his touch, you’d been starved for a long six months, and you’d be damned to give in to him the first night. He stands, the muscles flexing and relaxing as he did so, sliding on a pair of blue boxers. “Koz—“ You hush without thinking, eyes meeting his immediately.

“Yeah?” He asks, eyes alert and trained on you.

“No, it’s nothing.” You assure, rolling over onto your back and sitting up.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He asks as he starts to throw down another blanket on the couch.

“Do you think we could talk?” You stammer, eyes on your fingers tangling in your lap. He stops and stands at the end of the bed, waiting for you to the pat the area at your feet for him to sit down. “Can I sit?” He asks, pointing to the end of the bed. You nod.

“Why? Kozik I deserve that much. Why did you walk out on me?” You whisper, sniffling quietly.

“That’s what you think happened?” He asks, eyes wide as he reached for your face.

“What was it? What do you call abandonment?” You snort, dodging his touch.

“I was scared, baby. I was terrified. When you started talking about kids and stuff, I ducked. I’m not dad material. I’m sorry, I’m just not.” He shakes his head. “Nor do I want my own blood looking up to me, I’m not a leader in any shape or form. I don’t want kids, I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Jesus, Kozik. That was all you had to say. I just wanted to hear you say it. I don’t really want them either. At least not now, not yet.” You assure, eyes meeting his beautiful blue ones. Those eyes were part of your dreams most nights, they woke you almost every night.

“What?” He whispers, still in shock.

“You did it. You abandoned me for six months over a misunderstanding.” You laugh, softly at first, but it turns into wild laughter.

“Why are you laughing?” He asks, eyes meeting yours concerned.

“Because I’ve been going crazy. Trying to figure it out. I’ve racked my brain for every possible answer. That I’m the one who drove you away. That there was a crow eater here, but when I showed up I only met one who even knew you. That you were sleeping with another woman but you’d only been down here once before and that crow eater that tried to get you in bed, said you politely refused. So I was lost. I went back to Tacoma, thinking maybe there was a crow eater there, som tighter pussy, prettier version of me, but even there the crow eaters all said how polite you were to them. I went crazy searching for a reason. One that made sense, but nothing did.” You sob, wiping away tears. His heart pounded as you talked.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” He whispers, reaching for your hand. Your breath hitches when touches your hand. Pulling away, you lay back down.

“You can find your couch.” You sniffle, feeling his weight shift off the bed and a pat to your foot.

“I love you so much.” He whispers, and you swore you heard a sniffle as the light clicked off and you heard him lay down.

Some time in the middle of the night you heard rustling and then shouting. In a stupor, you stumble toward the couch and watch for a moment. Tears were streaming down his face, his eyes squeezed shut, fists clenched at his sides.

“Baby I’m sorry. Baby I’m so sorry. Please. Come home. Come home baby! I’m sorry. I’ll take it all back!” He shouts, tossing his head to the side. “Please.” A strangled sound escaped him as he swung at the air. “No. Please come back! I’ll change! I’ll quit! I’ll be whatever you want!” He shouts, grabbing at the air. “I’m just sorry.” He sobs, jolting awake to find you standing over him, hands covering your mouth. He was almost sure he was still dreaming, but his stomach lurched and he dove into the bathroom just in time to lose what little contents he’d eaten into the bowl.

He glances over his shoulder, thinking for a moment that your figure would be gone. But you still stood there, horrified at what you’d witnessed. Wiping his nose and clearing his throat, he brushes his teeth and staggers from the bathroom to land on the couch to compose himself. He was so embarrassed that you had just witnessed it. He’d had night terrors almost every night, replaying how you’d left him and they always ended the same. Him waking up sick, running for the bathroom and landing back on the couch heaving for breath.

“Sorry you had to see that.” He whispers, cracking his knuckles as his eyes never leave his hands. Tears filled his eyes. He was heartbroken that you’d witnessed it, what he’d become without you.

“Kozik, what the hell was that?” You whisper, stepping a little closer to his heaving shaking frame. He stands, stuffing his feet into his blue jeans and boots, yanking a shirt over his head and throwing on his kutte.

“Nothing. I’m so sorry.” He stammers before standing and making it for the door to find some fresh air that wasn’t strangling him. He tumbles out the front door and smacks his sweaty body against the cold concrete. He heaved against the concrete finally able to breathe. The tears had fallen a little more before subsiding as he found a seat on a picnic table.

“Kozik?” A familiar voice called from behind him. Jax had appeared and sat beside him, offering a cigarette. Kozik gladly accepted, the nicotine calming his frayed nerves. “You alright man? You look pretty shook up.” He chuckled. Yeah.

“Yeah, I’ve had these night terrors since she left. I normally just wake up and I’m okay, but she saw it. Saw how weak I was. Man, she probably thinks I’m some kind of loser now. I was a strong guy, kept her safe, what wife wants to see her husband wake up sick from a bad dream, man.” He chuckles, taking another drag.

“Dude, you’re a strong guy. You have your moments, alright every guy does. And hey, don’t worry. Chicks love when dudes cry.” They share a laugh, Jax clapping his back and standing up. “You alright though? You want me to talk to her?”

“Nah, I don’t even want to go back in there. I can’t face her after that, man.” He wipes a hand down his face and lets out a heavy breath.

“Anything I can do?” He asks, watching the blonde shake his head no, giving him a sad smile.

“Nah, go hug your girl man, tell you love her. Do it.” He points a finger at the younger biker.

“You got it boss.” He disappears into the clubhouse and Kozik was alone in the night once more. He heard the door open and he had a feeling it was you.

“Koz?” You hush, afraid to break some kind of invisible barrier.

“Don’t. Don’t whisper like you’re afraid you’re gonna break me.” He barks, rolling his eyes.

“Sorry, I was just worried about you. You wanna talk?” You ask, his sweatshirt swallowing you whole. A little smile graced his lips for a moment as he saw you. He loved when you’d go camping and he’d toss you a sweatshirt and you’d sit in his lap by the fire. “So, how long’s that been going on?” You ask, eyes meeting his for a second to find heartbroken written in them.

“Six months.” He husks, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“Since you left?” You whisper, contemplating grabbing his hand. One hand held a cigarette to his lips, the other gripped the edge of the table between you two.

“Yeah.” He nods, taking another heavy drag to fill the silence.

“Kozi—”

“Don’t.” He rasps, stamping out the cigarette on the table before standing.

“Don’t what?” You challenge, glaring at him. He twists and faces you, a dangerous look in his dark eyes. He jabs a finger in your face.

“Don’t act like like I’m weak.” He growls.

“Weak? Because you have nightmares? Or because you left me alone in Tacoma while you galavanted around with a group of overgrown boys on motorcycles while I sat at home trying to figure out what I did wrong?” You shout, standing toe to toe with your husband. His expression changed, softened into shock as he listened to you.

“What?” He whispers.

“Don’t you dare act like you’re shocked. You know what you did.” You hissed.

“I’m sorry, baby.” You heard the strangled sound of the broken boy from an hour ago and your heart broke. He saw your face widen and he knew you were thinking about it. “Stop it! I never wanted you to see me like that. Because you’ll always compare my sorry to what I said when I was sleeping. You’ll always see me as vulnerable.” He rolls his eyes. “You’ll always see that part of me now. How stupid was I?” He asks, eyes meeting yours.

“What?” You ask.

“How stupid was I to think that I’d be able to fix this?” He whispers, eyes filling with tears. He swings a fist into the gate. “Son of a bitch!” He shouts, swinging relentlessly at the stationary fence post.

“Kozik stop! Kozik! You’re going to hurt yourself!” You cry, reaching for him.

“You don’t see us as us anymore. Do you?” He chokes through his teeth. You didn’t respond. “Tell me the truth. Say something. Fuckin’ Christ!” He shouts, swinging at the post again and against.

“Kozik, stop. You’re going to break your hand.” You softly talk, trying to calm him down. He stops mid swing and looks at you.

“Tell me.” He whispers, jaw quaking and fists clenched tightly, blood dripping from his busted knuckles onto the pavement.

“Koz-“

“Never mind. Please don’t say a word. I can’t do it. I can’t. You weren’t supposed too see that. You were always supposed to see me as this. A fighter, a bruiser, a brawler. Never supposed to see that weak bitch moment in there.” He mutters, tossing a thumb over his shoulder.

“Weak bitch moment? I woke up the first two months in a cold sweaty mess of sheets screaming for you. Do that make me a weak bitch?” You nip, eyes meeting his angry ones.

“You’re a woman, you’re supposed to cry and be dramatic. I’m a man, I’m just not wired that way, you weren’t supposed to see that. You were never supposed to see that.” He growls, swinging a fist into the post again.

“Is that right? So because I’m woman it’s not a weak bitch moment?” You shout, trying to get a rise out of him. You weren’t sure what you were looking for, but if he was looking for a fight, you’d give him one.

“Baby that’s not—“

“What? Not what you meant? Like when you left me alone? Scared out of my mind while you freely wandered earth?” You bark, crossing your arms over your chest.

Tig had heard the commotion and started outside. He found you and Kozik standing toe to toe, his fists bloodied and Tig saw red. He was sure he’d seen a dark patch on her face like he’d hit her.

“Hey! Everything okay over here?” He calls, heading towards them.

“Oh wonderful! Here comes god himself to whisk you away from me.” Kozik sneers, waving a hand to Tig.

“Hey man! Someone had to look out for her while you were gone.” The curly haired man states, a chuckle on his lips.

“Tig, we’re fine. Just working out our shit.” You assure, patting his arm.

“Yeah, you alright with that Tiggy?” A dark grin crossed Kozik’s face.

“Yeah, it’s really great.” He nips, smiling back just as darkly. “What’s your problem, man? Want a kiss?” He challenges, making a kissy face at the furious blonde.

“Bet you wanna kiss my wife, don’t ya?” He hisses, watching Tig’s face unchanging.

“Oh yeah, dream about her every night. Running my hands up her—“ Kozik swings, hitting the ebony-haired man. Tig swung back and pretty soon they took to brawling both their fists bloodied as they jabbed and swung, Kozik’s manliness had to be put back in check, and he figured he’d do so fist-fighting Tig.

You stood there in shock, watching the two go to war with each other, not knowing what to do. Feeling confident, you waited for an opening and you slipped between the two of them. Tig grabbed at Kozik’s fist, but he missed and the ringed knuckles slammed into your back, sucker-punching the air from your lungs and knocking you out.

T.K.O. You hit the ground and it stopped the fight. Kozik wasn’t breathing. He stood there, staring at you.

“Awe, come on man.” Tig nips, looking to Kozik for some kind of reaction. He watched in shock as his worthy opponent staggered backwards in shock. Tig had never seen that look before. He watched the blonde’s bloodied lips open and close, but no sound escaped them. “Kozik?” He asks, wondering if the blonde was also gonna hit the ground. He continued his uneven backwards steps, tripping over his own boots and hitting the ground. Tears filled his eyes and he found himself scrambling to his feet.

“What the hell’s going on?” Clay shouts from the door. It happened in seconds, Kozik grabbed his keys and hopped on his bike and took off. “Where’s Tacoma going? What’s she doing on the ground?” Tig handed you off to Chibs and got on his bike headed after the dumb blonde. He expected something stupid from him.

He finally found Kozik in Tacoma, sitting on the front steps of their house, his pistol sitting on the step between his knees. His head resting in his hands.

“Hey, stupid.�� Tig calls, unclipping his helmet and dropping it on the seat. “You didn’t mean it man.” He hushes, sitting next to him.

“I hit her. Fuck, first I had a nightmare and she saw that. Saw how weak I was, throwing up and crying, like some kind of bitch show. Then she tried to stop me from hitting you and I hit her.” He swings at the concrete.

“Listen, fuckin’ moron. You’re big and dumb, sure.” Tig shrugs, handing him a cigarette to calm the blonde’s nerves. “But anyone who knows her knows you love her more than anything. You and her are great for each other. Whatever the fuck’s going on right now, this pissing match between you, every couple goes through it. Just, for christ’s sake, you left her there on the ground. What if I didn’t take her to Clay? She’d still be there when you got back. She’d be alone, on the cement, cold and shit.” He tries to figure out where his head is.

“Yeah, probably dead.” He hushes, chewing on his bottom lip before he takes a drag of the cigarette.

“Hey man, nah. She’s a tough girl. You know that. She’s gonna be fine. She’s probably already up. You wanna head back?” He asks, patting the blonde’s shoulder.

“Nah, I can’t face her after that. I might as well move to Mexico and change my name. I’m toast, man.” He hushes, pressing the back of his hand against his eyes to stop the tears.

“Listen, I won’t ever forgive you for what you did to my dog, but you know what? You and her, you two were meant for this life. You’re both strong enough to live it. Now get your sorry ass up and let’s go get your girl.” He assures, hauling the Tacoma native to his feet and dusting off his shoulders. He grabs the mans hands to inspect how badly he’d injured them. They were rough. His knuckles were torn up he could possibly see muscle and maybe a bone, he wasn’t sure. The cuts were deep though. Pulling a couple bandanas from his kutte pockets, he wraps the other mans knuckles and pats his shoulders. “Listen to me, you don’t talk about this. Me chasing you like some bitch. You don’t deserve her, but you know what? She deserves you. You’re a good guy, you’re great brother, and even if I can’t get over this ancient shit, know I got your back and hers.” He climbs on his bike, watching the other man climb onto his bike too.

They arrive back to SAMCRO around nine in the morning, Kozik’s heart thundered as he stepped into the clubhouse. All eyes fell on him and Tig as the other bikers were all dressed and standing in a group.

“Jesus christ, that looked gay.” Tig rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t miss the laugh Kozik gives. “No worries hunny, your hubby survived.” Tig pressed a hard kiss to your forehead. Kozik stayed his distance, eyes on his boots. You looked at him, eyes bearing down on him like a heavy weight.

“Alright, Gem we gotta go meet with Lin, you and the others hold down the fort baby.” Clay assures, patting your back as he hugged Gemma to him. You longed for your husband to give you the same attention. “Boys, let’s get our shit around. Put your vests on, your women don’t need to worry about bullet holes.” He chuckles as everyone herded out the door. You watched, almost sick as Kozik trudged back to his bike. Everyone was busy kissing and cooing, giving you an opportunity to go to Kozik. As you approached him, his eyes flicked up for only a second before they hit the ground again.

“Hey baby.” You hush, afraid of whatever silence that sat between you.

“What?” He asks, checking his saddlebags for something. Your hand touched his forearm, and he flinched away. That arm was connected to the ringed knuckles that knocked you to the ground only fifty feet from where they currently stood.

“So you hit me, and you wanna play this?” You hiss quietly, getting his attention.

“It’s over baby. Just go inside. I’ll be back in Tacoma tomorrow night. Trust me.” He hisses back.

“Herman Jack Kozik, you didn’t mean it.” His face lifts to look at you.

“You’re right. But it doesn’t matter, you understand? I hit you. I. Hit. You. I knocked you onto the ground. I did that.” He waves a hand to the dollar-bill sized scrape mark where your head hit the ground.

“I mean, yeah. But I stepped into it. I deserved it.”

“No. No baby. Don’t ever say that. You don’t ever deserve to be hit. Do you understand? And if any man you marry after me hits you, I’ll kill him. Do you understand me?” He snarls, fists clenched at his sides. You reach for his bruised and battered face, remembering the swings between he and Tig.

“I guess you won’t have to worry, I’m not going to marry anyone after you.” You state, swallowing hard.

“Alright guys, lets get ready to roll!” Clay shouts. You looked at Kozik, seeing he’s not wearing his vest. You pull one from his saddlebag and hand it to him.

“Come back to me.” You plead, handing him the vest.

“I will.” He assures, never meeting your eyes as he drops the vest back into the bag and tightening it down. You laughed sickly, turning and stumbling blindly towards the big building. “I love you.” He whispers, and he knew you didn’t hear him, but he said it. He had too, he needed you to know it.

“Kozik, put the fuckin’ vest on, stupid.” Tig yells over the roar of the bikes. Kozik straps it on, but you didn’t see it.

The men returned that night, all in tact, but Kozik wasn’t with them. You met everyone at the door, looking for his pretty blue eyes.

“Where’s—“ You’re cut short when he comes strutting in with some girl under his arm. “What in the fuck?” You shout, stomping into his view.

“Hey, this is my ex-wife, this is Beatrix.” He cheers, waving a hand to her.

“She gonna be a trick alright,” you growl, grabbing her by her hair and dragging her to the ring, stuffing your hands into boxing gloves and pulling off your tee shirt. A sports bra and shorts, bare foot, Kozik drank you in, watching his little brawler get in the ring with a crow eater.

“Kozik, what the hell are you doing?” Tig shouts over the cheers and chants.

“I just wanted to bang a crow eater and show her what kind of person I am. I want her to hate me, leave me in the dust and start a new life. I want her to find some guy that works nine to five, comes home and hugs her, brings her flowers. I want the best for her, and I’m not it. I could just get her to hate me. It’s the easiest way. But, uhm, she’s gonna kill her.” He points to the ring, the crow eater barely standing after two hits.

“Jesus Christ. Just leave her then.” Tig barks, jumping into the ring and dragging you out. You shove the man away, still bouncing back and forth.

“You tell him, he kicks my ass, he can leave me. Or sleep with her. Whatever he wanted.” You snap, glaring at the blonde.

“Yeah, uh, she said you gotta beat her in a ring fight to leave her.” He watched Kozik laugh dryly.

“No, man.” He shakes his head, heading for the ringside.

“Fight me.” You hiss, danger dancing in your eyes.

“No. You know I won’t do that shit.” He snips, grabbing you and pulling out of the ring, propping you on your feet in front of him. “Can we talk outside?” He asks, your heart falling through the concrete floor. Tossing the gloves onto the ring pad, you step out into the parking lot of Teller-Morrow with your husband.

“You serious?” You whisper, eyes meeting his.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I just. I don’t want you as my ol’ lady anymore.” He states, shoulders tensed. You coughed, eyes staring into his still.

“No. Ring fight or you’re not leaving me. Beat me the fuck up. Show me what you hate. Be everything you hate, show me him.” You challenge, standing in front of him, arms crossed over your chest in a power stance.

“No. I’m not gonna hit you, real men don’t hit—“ He stopped. You watched on as he swiped quickly at his face, turning his back to you. With a gentle hand, you touched his shoulder.

“Kozik?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, ya know? I hit you.”

“It’s okay, it was an accident, Koz.” You assure, patting his arm.

“Yeah, I know it was. But it doesn’t excuse it. I hit you. A man should never lay hands on a woman, especially his woman. I broke that, I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve this. I should just leave you. Just give me the ring back. I’m done.” He whispers, hand outstretched.

“You, my loving wonderful husband, better pry this ring from my cold dead hand.” You snip, turning on your heel only to be snatched up. He pulls your hand to him, spinning the ring around your finger.

“Why are you goddamn fighting me so hard on this?” He asks, eyes pleading you to give up.

“Because I’ve been through hell and back without you. You were just a ghost that haunted me. You didn’t help me get over my attack, you didn’t answer Tig’s calls, you didn’t stay with me as I fought you off in my dreams, so let me tell you. I stayed with you against all odds, and you have the audacity to tell me you want it over, after ghosting me for six months? Oh no buddy, you and me, we’re in this together. You don’t have a choice.” You jab him in the chest.

“Attack?” He asks, curiosity in his eyes.

“Yeah, I was kidnapped after you left. Guy said they were stalking our house in Tacoma, said he knew when you left and when you came home everyday. But it doesn’t matter. I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming for you, scared I was back there again.” You hush, looking down at your feet.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” He yanks you against him, gripping you impossibly tighter to his body. “Jesus, baby. I’m so sorry.” You listened to his thundering heart as he held you. Six months. You’d waited six months for this exact moment. He was back for good. “I’m gonna make it up to you, those six months. Babygirl, I’m gonna fix this. Do you trust me?” He asks, still holding you. He’d been touch starved for six months, and finally your soft skin was against him, all was right with the world.

“Of course. Why do you think I’m still here?” You laugh, your hands gripping the back of his shirt. He gives a growl, scooping you up and heading through the crowd, dropping you on the bed.

“Don’t move.” He orders, disappearing for a moment, returning in just boxers, all his tattoos on display. Diving onto the bed, he pulls you against him and tucking his nose into your hair, he breathes in.

Tears fill his eyes, and you felt a drop on your shoulder. Leaning back to look at him, you find his eyes closed.

“Kozik?” You ask, met with tear-filled blue eyes.

“I’ve never been so happy. Sorry.” He whispers, hugging you so tightly against him.

“It’s okay, baby. I’m not going anywhere again. As long as you promise me the same.” You assure, holding him as he hugged so tightly to you.

[theseviolentdelightss]

Counting Paths XVII

Series Summary: After a lifetime on the run from the Empire, Reader makes a move that could have drastic impacts for both friend and foe. A Reader insert/fanfic. Gifs belong to their respective owners.

Word Count: 4386

Author’s Note: Sorry again for the wait.

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X Part XI Part XII Part XIII Part XIV Part XV Part XVI

It was cold when you awoke. Eyes fluttering slowly as the memories came flooding back. The cantina, the code black, running yourself ragged which would explain why it felt as if someone had taken every muscle in your body and rung them out like a soaked cloth.

“Called it!” The sound of Roland's voice, while a small comfort, did nothing to stifle the pounding in your head nor the ringing in your ears. It rather enhanced it, earning an agitated groan from you as your eyes struggled to adjust. “Two hours and fourteen minutes, everybody pay up!”

All around you came the sound of grumbles. Money being dug out of pockets and wallets as Roland chuckled proudly. His paw out and ready for the taking.

“Did you seriously take bets on how long I would be passed out?” You asked coolly once the crowd had cleared. Narrowing your eyes as you stared down the older rebel, hands over flowing with newly acquired credits.

“No...” Roland stuttered. If you hadn't known better you would have sworn you saw guilt in his eyes as he adverted his gaze. Catching a glimpse of your reflection it was easy to see why.

Fainting from exhaustion and dehydration had done you no favors. The color in your cheeks had yet to return and your hands trembled as you ran them over your face. Apparently the first medic on site had struggled to find a vein, leaving the inside of your elbow an abstract mess off deep purple and sickly yellow skin. The bruise bloomed around the needle in your arm like a dying violet. Growing more gruesome by the moment.

When word first made it to Roland that you had ran out of the bunker with less than three minutes to spare he had assumed it was just another rumor. They seemed to have been following you as of late. Sprouting like weeds about your feet. It was only when Penny began to panic, pushing through the rows of bunks and cots towards the small infirmary area that he began to believe it. Nearly 30 flights of stairs and you had ran it three times in under five minutes. It was no wonder the exhaustion had gotten the better of you, not to mention the liquor. “Well maybe-”

“Give it!” You held your hand out, turning your attention away as you waited.

Dragging his feet Roland placed the pile of money into your palm. Licking your thumb you flipped through it before handing over a small percentage.

“Finders fee.” You smirked softly, feeling your head beginning to clear.

Following the IV in your arm you recognized the mixture hanging above you. A combination of saline and nutrients. Glancing around it was obvious that you weren't the only casualty of today's surprising great escape. A handful of cots sat occupied in the dimness. Strangers with swollen ankles and knees, a man with a thick piece of gauze wrapped about his head. Even from this distance you could spot where the blood had began to seep through. On the cot nearest you Penny lay dozing with no sign of visual injuries. Gently pushing aside her red curls you couldn't help but chuckle as the drool ran down her cheek. For now she would be fine, the hangover wouldn't hit her till she woke up.

“Where's Zara?”

“Off sleeping I think. Took some skinny kid half an hour to convince her you'd be fine.” Roland replied. “Want me to go tell her you're up?”

“No let her rest.”

“They need you.” Roland's eyes again shifted to the ground as he spoke. “In the control room.”

“Why?” You asked, unsure as to why the Rebellion saw need to punish you so quickly. Sure, you had disobeyed a direct order which in itself wasn't a first, but no one had gotten seriously hurt. Minus the guard you had punched but he had it coming. You still had the scar beneath your hairline from where he had struck you long ago. That was well worth a week of messhall duty. Still, that wasn't an urgent matter, not enough to warrant a trip to the control room in the middle of a code black no less.

“The hell if I know.” Roland spit bitterly. He was an amazing soldier yet for all his military prowess he hated authority more than a hormonal teenager.  “Captain Andor ordered me to stay here and fetch ya as soon as you woke up so hop to it.”

“You do see the IV in my arm right?”

Licking his thumb and forefinger Roland reached forward, snatched the plastic butterfly wings on either side of the thin needle and slid it out from under your skin like a warrior drawing a sword.

“For fucks sake Roland!” You hissed, reaching up to smack the curly haired man across the back of the head. What had only moments before been a dull ache now stung white hot. “There's a reason people don't actually do that you jackass!”

A half roll of gauze and a handful of curses later Roland was escorting you through the dark tunnels that lead to the lowest level. To keep the temperature from spiking most everyone had been spread out among the various floors. The bunker itself had seven and at its heart sat the war council. The most highly concentrated area of people and still it did nothing to stave off the cold. By the time you made it through the beehive of workers busy at various consoles and tablets you could faintly see your breath in front of your face. Wrapping your arms around yourself you tried to find some degree of warmth. Dragging the sleeves of your jacket over the palms of your hands as Roland motioned you forward.  

“Baby...” Roland muttered, side eyeing you as you began to shiver.

“Not all of us have been blessed with blubber to keep us warm.” You replied, eyeing Roland's protruding gut. Typically you weren't one to shame a person for their body but considering this was the same man who had only minutes before ripped an IV from your arm, you found it in yourself to make an exception. Thankfully it shut him up, allowing you a few moments of silence before coming to a stop outside a large set of wooden double doors. Unlike most on base these had been built in the old style that swung inwardly rather than sliding open or closed.

“From here on out your on your own kid.” Roland leaned against the wall as he spoke, retrieving a small knife from his pocket he began to pic the dried grease out from under his fingernails.

Sighing you knocked on the old wood nervously. The door opened with a low groan, kicking up a whirl of dust around your feet as you slipped inside. The space was noticeably cooler, the mood even more so.

“Sargent L/N please come forward.” Mon Mothma spoke calmly as always. She was a decent and honorable woman but that didn't mean her composed demeanor wasn't hiding an ugly truth.

Perhaps they had finally decided you were too much of a liability.

Maybe this most recent act of defiance truly was the last straw.

Stepping forward into the dim light your eyes scanned the various faces for anyone who might speak on your behalf. Cassian's dark eyes found you instantly, as if your gaze had been magnetically drawn to him. He stood with his arms crossed, jaw tense as if he were grinding his teeth. Draven sat at the large wooden table that stood in the center of the room. A massive piece carved with the same script and symbols as the door behind you. It had likely been there as long as the temple itself. Standing strong for hundreds of years. You couldn't help but drag your fingers across the surface as you made you way to your seat. 

“We have serious matters to discuss.”

The edge to the ginger haired woman's tone might have upset you if it weren't for a sickening realization, one that washed over you like an icy wave.

“Where is Theodren?” You asked instantly, trying hard to hide the fear growing inside you. The silence that followed was no help, seconds ticking by like hours as you waited. “Where is-”

“We don't know.” Mon Mothma replied, her tone gentler than before yet straight to the point. No time for curtsies. “Commander Theodren had departed for Bakura shortly before we were alerted of an Imperial patrol entering our atmosphere. Until the code black has been lifted any attempts to contact him are impossible.”

It felt as if the floor had been ripped out from beneath you. That weightless feeling of falling that jolts you awake. Surely you must be dreaming. Your luck may have been notoriously bad but this was nightmarish. Grabbing a hold of the table for support you allowed your body to slump into the chair nearest you. Mon Mothma continued to speak, for how long you can't be sure, it wasn't until General Draven snapped his fingers in front of your face that your mind cleared. Glazed eyes blinking for the first time in minutes.

“Sergant L/N?” Mothma spoke calmly, holding out a hand to hush Draven as she stepped closer. The room was dim but it may as well have been pitch black. Even with eyes open you looked but did not see. It was only Theodren you thought of and the space where he should have stood. “You're bleeding.”

The words had no sooner left the woman's mouth when you felt the first drop collide with the back of your hand. Closing your eyes tightly you allowed a second and third to fall before reaching for the source. A stream of blood trailed from your right nostril. Stickily coating your fingertips and leaving the taste of metal on your lips. Out of the corner of your eye you watched as Cassian moved forward. His face calm and composed as ever. Before he could step any further you were already standing. Hand held firmly against your nose trying in vain to stem the flow. It made sense, your tears had long ago been used up, only blood remained to spare.

“I apologize...” You muttered, pushing yourself away from the table and towards the large doors you had came in through. They sprawled open rather easily at your touch. The chill of the room a distant memory as the heat bloomed at the base of your neck and began to spread. The mix of worry and fear enveloping you as you searched for an exit, not caring where it went. It was solitude you yearned for. A space of your own where you could internalize the wars currently raging between your head and your heart.

Sighing you spotted a door that led through yet another dark hallway. Pushing your way further down till the last door stood waiting. Without so much as a knock you let yourself in. The stale smell of dust and age rushing up to greet you as you stepped inside. Rows of empty shelves lined the walls. The pale light above flickering out as you settled to the floor.

You hadn't prayed in years. After everything you had done you doubted the anyone would pay you so much as a passing thought. Still, even as the cold seeped through your bones you found yourself murmuring the words. Blood stained hands held tightly together.

“I didn't know you prayed.”

“I don't-” You replied, red eyes adjusting to the small lantern the captain held in his hands. “not usually at least.”

“Neither do I.”

“Why not?”

“Because they were never answered.” Cassian's eyed you cautiously as he knelt in front of you. Noting that the bleeding that had provided you a perfect out had yet to stop. Sitting the lantern to the side Cassian dug his hands into his pocket, retrieving a clean rag he leaned forward to press it delicately around your nose.

“Mine were never answered either.” Your voice felt small as you reached forward, trying to take a hold of the rag yourself, expecting Cassian to let go yet he held on.

“What were you thinking?”

“Excuse me?”

There was no hiding the tone to your voice. It was one thing to question yourself. The last thing you needed right now was Cassian doing the same.

“I told you to stay where you were.” Cassian replied calmly, ignoring your weak attempt at an attitude.

“I never told you how my brother died, did I?” That caught him off guard. The frustration draining from his eyes as he gazed back at you. “Come to think of it, I'm not sure I ever mentioned him at all...”

Settling onto the floor with a thump Cassian let the rag slip from his grip. His expression gentler than before, clearly this new revelation was not what he had been expecting.

“His name was Willis I had just turned eight when he was born. I was so excited. I'd finally have a friend that I wouldn't have to say goodbye to after a few months...but mama died on the birthing bed so I had to step up. It wasn't easy, especially not at first. I was still just a kid myself, and a part of me hated him for taking my mother away, but that didn't last. He was too kind, too gentle to hate and he was so smart. He could be a real brat about it too, always correcting my spelling.” You chuckled lightly, losing yourself in a memory for one brief moment.

“He heard it first, woke me up. I thought he was just having another bad dream but then I heard it too. It all happened so fast, the chaos, the slaughter. It started in the outlying villages but it didn't take long to make its way into the city. All of the sudden they were in the streets, kicking down your door, coming through your front room window. That's when the exodus started. I had never seen anything like it. All around us the buildings were going up in flames. You could hear people screaming. I passed the body of the baker who had made my bread that morning lying in a gutter as we fled. His face was gone but I recognized his apron. It felt like we were at war.”

“Antar IV.” Cassian said quietly, turning his head to face you. “The massacre. You were there?”

Nodding you tried to steady your breathing. It had been years since you had spoken about that night and for good reason. Anytime it came up you felt your pulse quicken, the cold sweat forming on the back of your neck. As if some small part of you was forever trapped in the moment and just for a second it had pulled the rest of you under. Drowning you on dry land.

“I lost my father's hand in the crowd, my brother begged me to go back, but I had promised...so I didn't. I couldn't. I wanted to more than anything but I knew if I stopped, if I looked back we would both be lost. So I lied. I told him we would meet my father at the ship. The old man had been working on the same one for ages, kept it docked at this little hole in the wall station he worked at. I thought for sure by the time we got there all that would be left was ash and rubble but there it stood. No more than twenty yards away. I was moving so fast I didn't even see him until-”

You voice hitched in your throat with a weak shudder. The hairs on the back of your neck standing on end as you began to run your hands up and down your thighs.

“I begged him to let us go. We were just children. I swore to him we wouldn't tell anyone, not a soul, but he just put us in his sights.” Turning your eyes to the ceiling you were happy not to have to look at Cassian's face as he heard what came next. “I tried to move Willis out of the way, but he had twisted his ankle during the run and I was carrying him. All I could do was turn around, try to cover him with myself but it didn't make any difference. That fucker cut us down like we were nothing.”

“How did you survive?” Cassian asked softly.

“I drove a screw driver through his eye and out the back of his skull.” You replied coolly, the sadness in your voice replaced with an entirely different emotion. “The first life I ever took and it didn't even matter. Willis died anyways. He bleed out in my arms. One second he was crying and trying to say something and then he just...went still. I had never seen someone die before but I watched as the spark drained from my brothers eyes, and that pain...”

Again you had to stop, try to calm your thumping heart as it pounded away against your chest. There was a reason you avoided this subject. It was always painful to speak of, but now with Theodren's fate so uncertain it only served to frighten you more. To remind you of what it felt like to lose someone you love.

“I didn't think I'd ever get over it so I locked that part of me away. Stopped caring about everything and everyone.”

Across from you Cassian shifted, leaning his back against the wall as he took in all you had to say. Not entirely sure if he should be relieved that you were sharing so much with him or worried. Crossing his arms to stave off the chill he watched as you fidgeted with your hands, pulling at the edges of your sleeves, tucking those relentless loose curls behind your ears. His own hands itched to reach out, take a hold of your own and still them but he thought better of it. Now wasn't the time.  

“I didn't join the Rebellion because I wanted to be a hero Cassian. I didn't give a damn about glory. A quick death was all I wanted, but then I met Theodren, and he was alone too. He was the only one that ever...he was my one true friend. I lost him once already, I don't want to lose him again.”

“You won't.” Cassian said with a bit too much certainty, overcompensating in his hopes of comforting you. “Theodren is the smartest person I know. I'm sure once this code black has lifted you'll hear from him.”

“Why are you here Cassian?” You asked suddenly, the urge to be alone over powering your usual politeness.

“I was worried about you.” He replied, not defensive in the least. A welcome surprise given your own change in demeanor.  “Didn't want you to be alone.”

“I appreciate that Cassian, truly I do, but you don't have to worry about me.” You stated, maintaining your full attention on him. Noting the subtle change in the distance between the two of you. Typically the captain preferred to put added space between the both of you yet today seemed the expectation.

“Look, I worry.” He stated simply, laying his hand out flat in a gesture to simply accept that fact and let it go. “Just promise me you won't do anything stupid.”

“Cass I-” Chewing your bottom lip you considered lying, it would be easiest for everyone but Cassian deserved the truth. “It's Theodren, if there is even a small chance I have to try.”

“Are you in love with him?” Cassian asked, his eyes glued intensely to your own.

“Who?” You scoffed. “Theodren?”

The dark haired rebel nodded sheepishly and in that moment you could have kissed him because despite everything that had happened Cassian had managed to do the unthinkable. He made you laugh. No sweeter a gift could he have given you in that moment.

“What?” You half chuckled, the very idea of it still tickling your sides. Not that Theodren wasn't a catch, it was just so far removed from anything you could have imagined. The two of you had been best friends for years and not once had there been even an inkling of romance. “No! Of course I love him but Theodren is like family to me.”

“I understand.”

“Are you alright?” You asked, watching as Cassian began to draw in on himself. Scooting himself to sit with his back straight and flush against the wall. Hands swiftly shoved into the pockets of his jacket.

“I'm fine.” He replied but you simply shook your head. How the hell was this guy a spy?

“You're a shitty liar you know that.” You nudged Cassian's knee with your foot as you spoke. Thankful that the tension had for a moment been lessened enough to catch your breath.

“Only with you.” His answer was short but it was enough to return the tension tenfold.

Whelp, that didn't last long...

“And that bothers you?”

“I'd be a fool if it didn't.” Cassian's brows knitted as he spoke, looking any where but at you.

“Why?” Leaning forward you grabbed a hold of Cassian's hand and squeezed it tightly. “What's so wrong with being honest with me?”

“You're always saving people.” Cassian said simply, at last turning his gaze to meet your own.

“What-”

“Just-just listen.” He insisted calmly and you couldn't blame him. You were well aware of your bad habit of interrupting people. It wasn't that you were rude, some people just spoke so slowly by comparison.

“You're always saving people. You saved Zara, you saved Roland, hell you saved me the night we met. Its who you are.” Sighing Cassian let his eyes drift to where your fingers sat wrapped around his own. Your knees inching closer, unwilling to give in to his poor attempt at gaining distance.  

“When I came down here I wanted to yell at you, to tell you that you were being foolish, convince you to stop...but I can't because that's not you.” Shaking his head Cassian smiled gently, his eyes warmer than before. Filled with an emotion you couldn't quite peg down but you were all too aware of how it made you feel.

“What's so wrong with that?” You half whispered.

“Nothing.” Cassian answered, turning your hand over in his own. Fingertips softly tracing along the lines of your palm. “Nothing, it just frightens me.”

“Cass I'm fine, seriously you don't have to worry-” You tried to put on your best smile as you spoke. If Cassian truly worried about you the least you could do was assure him you would try your best to stay alive. It was a bit of a priority anyways but if it mattered to someone else why not try harder?

Even if you weren't sure how to feel about it.

“And what if you weren't?” He asked sharply, turning the tables and instead interrupting you. “I know why you went back for Zara. I know why you want to go after Theodren. Because what if something happens and you could have done something but didn't? Then that's on you right? But if you go back and something happens to you then that's on me.”

“I'm not your responsibility anymore.” 

“It's not like that.”

“Then what is it?” You pushed, trying to hide the faintest hint of desperation in your voice. As if months of second guessing had inevitability lead you here. “What are you so afraid of Cassian?”

“You want to know what I'm afraid of?” Cassian eyes burned as he leaned closer, bursting the tiny bubble of personal space that existed between the two of you. “Losing you.”

And there it was. The truth you had been running from. It wasn't often that you felt vulnerable. It wasn't the sort of thing you were allowed, not if you wanted to stay alive.

“Your turn, no bullshit this time.” Cassian said, his mouth twitching as he spoke.

Taking a sharp breath through your nose you allowed yourself a moment of rational thought. To think of how very wrong this may all go. How much you could stand to lose, but that moment ended.

Unblinking you watched as Cassian's eyes flickered with longing. Something you only now realized had been there all along. They continued to follow your every move, watching as you inched closer until your knee dug into his thigh. Trembled and shifted. A pale hand snaking its way along the back of his neck. For a moment Cassian felt as if his brain had stalled, unable to process what was happening like a teenager second guessing themselves, but then you kissed him, putting those fears to rest in an instant. It was everything he had remembered from that night many months ago when he had first stolen a taste. 

Only now there was no limit. No hesitance.

It surprised you as well, how easily you melted into his grasp. Calloused hands swept along your sides until your shirt began to bunch between his fingers. The touch of his skin burning as it grazed your own. Feather light fingers threading through your hair as he pressed you against him.

Sometime later after you finally gave in to the need for oxygen did you allow the reality of what had just happened sink in. The terrifyingly true severity of it washing over you all at once. Still, it was impossible not to smile and lean into the palm of Cassian's hand as he held you close. Foreheads pressed against one another. So close you could feel his every exhale on your skin.

“That.” You finally admitted, knowing for certain that you were now well and truly fucked.

[artnerd1123]

A Familiar World

All Nerds Start Somewhere ——————————————

A regular trip to the library brings two sorcerers more than just new books...

The masterpost for AFW can be found here. The chapter post for AFW can be found here.

——————————————

This isn’t a traditional chapter by any means, but it’s definitely one I had fun with!!! Especially cuz my pal @vaaloirr​ co-wrote it with me! Since Alex and Journal are friends and eventually bfs in canon, we wanted to get some content out for them. What better way than fixing up n posting rps? :D

Also, it’s a good excuse for some baby lucy. What a cute kitty she is ;w;

Y’all will prolly see more of these as we get to em!!! Enjoy a first meeting for now ;3c

                                                    ————

Belle: Settling in is always strange. It’s even moreso in a new town, so much different than one’s old home. There’s so many different faces. Different places. Everything is new, and nothing’s quite the same. And, of course, it’s to be expected when you move from the country to a forest. The new town was nestled between trees, with huge crowds and buzzing magic. Home never would’ve thought of such a thing. ... ah, right. Home. That was another part of settling in. It meant completely changing your definition of “home.” For Journal Drapht, home was where his books were. And what better place to help him establish that than the library?

Journal had just finished browsing for the day. He’d spent most of his time over at the magic books, of course. There was so much more he could learn here! No way he was about to squander that. Not when he needed all he could get. He’d found enough beginner spells to have him set for weeks. It was perfect. What was also perfect was the legends section. He’d never seen that many books in one place in his life! And they were all about stunning magic, or awe inspiring show sorcerers, or- better yet- all sorts of terrifying monsters. Yeah, the library was perfect. It came as no surprise that Journal’s stack of books was a mile high. He was just doing his best to carry it all to the desk. “Next time I’ll get a fuckin... wagon... sheesh,” he grunted. Hopefully they’ll let me check all these out…

Vaal: Settling in was a strange thing indeed, especially when your idea of 'settling in' was getting settled in an apartment for a week before heading to the next town. Staying in one place for more than a couple of weeks was... strange. Especially for someone who had spent most of the last, what, ten, eleven years on the road? It was an adjustment in and of itself. Never mind all the new people, new places, new... everything. He'd only been in merchant towns a handful of times. At least all the rotating sets people sort of emulated the effect of moving constantly. Though, Alex Manson wasn't at the merchant town, at the moment.

The one thing Alex could complain about consistently when it came to his town was the lack of library. There was only one library, the school library, and if you didn't attend the school, you couldn't check anything out. And book merchants weren't always around. But! Thankfully, there was a good library in the next town over. It was. A whole day's worth of walking to get there, but that was fine. Sort of. His legs really didn't like him after these trips. And then there was the walk back. Ugh. Slightly less fine. But he had books to return. Lots... and lots of books. With a combined two days to get there and back, he wanted a supply of books that was worth the effort. He had a carriage bring him here, and he could walk back without the books. He had a sizable stack, one that blocked his vision, as he walked in. Okay, just gotta... find the desk... At least he had his little familiar in his hood, purring quietly. She seemed to enjoy the walks. She might have been asleep for all he knew. He couldn't leave her home... she got anxious without him. And it was good to get her out of the apartment every now and then. Show her that the world is bigger than their little two person apartment.

Belle: Journal tried to keep moving slow. He didn’t want to lose any books accidentally. It would be rather hard to pick them back up without dropping them all over. Rather unfortunate, then, that the slower he went, the more tedious it felt. He could hold a stack of books for hours! His arms wouldn’t get tired for a while. But he could not stand moving slow. It was so... unproductive. He had so many things to do at the apartment. He couldn’t afford to go slow. The sorcerer’s pace quickened a bit. He tried glancing around his book stack, but he couldn’t see anything. Great. Hopefully people would move out of the way. He just kept walking quickly. After all, who wouldn’t move when they see a person with a huge stack of- WHACK! Journal let out a yelp as he collided with an unseen obstacle, stumbling backwards. His books went spilling everywhere as he fell. He landed hard on his tailbone. “Oof- ghhh- owww-“ he groaned, wincing. That’s gonna bruise... He sat up shakily, rubbing his backside. What had he run into...? Was there a pillar, or-? The sorcerer’s face went pale when he registered the other person. Who he’d... smashed... into... Oh. Oh no. “... shit. H-hey, uh- I’m- im really sorry, are you ok???” He asked anxiously, stumbling over himself. What a horrible mess he’s made of things…

Vaal: Alex just walked... ever so carefully... he didn't want to bump into anyone, or anything. Not only did he have all these books, but he had Lucy curled up in his hood. She didn't need to be jostled. Now where was the Revaew damned desk- shouldn't it be close to the front door? Did he already pass it??? Revaew, that would be just like him. He had too many books! He brought too many back, because he wanted to get it all done in one trip, when he could have done it much more manageably in two, sure he'd have to pay a fee for bringing them in late, but it would be better than this! A lot of things would be better than this. He just hoped that he wouldn't bump into anybody. Hopes that were almost immediately dashed. Alex yelped as well when he suddenly ran into something. He wasn't going that fast, was he? He couldn't have been! Did somebody in a hurry bump into him? That had to be it, right? Well, either way, his books were all over the floor now. "Ah fffffu... Revaew..." He groaned, reaching a hand up to his ribs. Yeah, that was going to bruise. He glanced up at the voice. Oh. He did run into another person. Well. This was going to get awkward fast. "I'm fine, just a little bruised..." He replied, letting out a sigh. He was hearing something else too. Sounded like... like... whimpering... what would- Oh. The sorcerer immediately reached into his hood, checking for Lucy. She was still there! Thankfully, she hadn’t fallen out. He took her out of her little space, held her in his arms, gently bobbing the shaking little familiar up and down. "It's okay, it's okay-" He whispered, trying to calm her a little bit.

Belle: Journal sighed as well, shifting uneasily. At least the stranger didn’t seem angry. Or upset. Not on the surface, anyway. That was... nice. He winced again at the sight of all their books. They’d gotten all mixed up, hadn’t they? That was gonna be fun to sort out. He opened his mouth to ask about it, but never got the chance. His brows furrowed in utter confusion as the stranger pulled a cat out of his hood. A blue cat. One that was not all too furry, and quite distressed. What in the...? Is that a familiar??? he wondered, baffled. They reminded him of Roo. Another cat one...? Are... are all familiars just... cats??? A reasonable assumption for one who’s only met two familiars. But that didn’t matter right now. The distressed noises were tugging at his older sibling instincts. “Oh no... Did your familiar get scared?” He asked hesitantly. Worriedly. “Maybe hum for her a little. I-it might help, since she’s against your chest- she can feel whatever sound you make.” Did he know this from experience? Perhaps. Baby siblings need care as much as baby kittens. ... they were such a cute familiar... “... What's their name? They’re a cute lil thing,” he said softly. Just watching curiously. Seems the presence of a baby has distracted him from anxiety.

Vaal: Alex continued to bob Lucy up and down and whisper little reassurances. She was in a new place, she was jostled when he fell, and she was rudely awakened from her nap by said fall... not a great day for the little lass. He raised a brow at the others... suggestion? ... oh. Kay. He started to hum a little bit, nothing really... from a song, or anything, just. Something that sounded like. Something. He didn't know, he didn't hum much. But it did seem to help. The little familiar started to shake a little less, and she curled up a bit closer to her originator's chest. She stopped whimpering, so that was a good sign. After a moment, she started to slowly glance around, and her eyes almost immediately fell on the stranger. Who was that??? He seemed interested in... something. He glanced back up at the stranger in question when he asked his question. "... her name's Lucy." He said, quietly, shifting his hold on her a bit so she could be a little more comfortable. "And she is pretty cute, yeah..." He added, smiling softly. The familiar just curled up a bit in response. She gave a little wave, and then started to climb up onto the sorcerer's shoulder, perching herself there. Alex just let out a sigh, and looked at all the scattered books. Revaew, those were gonna take forever to sort out... Lucy's attention was still firmly on the other sorcerer though, her gaze filled with the mix of anxiety and curiosity you would expect a kid to have when meeting someone new.

Belle: Journal smiled a bit at the name. Lucy. A very nice name. Seemed fitting for the lil gal. He gave her a small wave and smiled in return. “Hi Lucy... sorry about the rude awakening...” he said quietly. She looked shy, and he didn’t blame her. Some kids were just nervous around strangers, and that was ok. At least her shoulder perching was cute. He gave her another smile before turning his attention to the books. ... they really were a mess. A big mess. Sheesh. He couldn’t even tell which books were his, now that he was looking at them. Amazing. Hopefully the stranger would know which were his... “I-I really am sorry about the mess,” he sighed, looking to the stranger. “I was carrying too many books for my own good. Do you know which of them are yours, uh-“ he paused. The sorcerer realized he didn’t know the other’s name. Whoops. “Oh- er- where are my manners- I-I haven’t even given you my name-“ he chuckled sheepishly. “I’m Journal. As in the kind you write in. What’s your name...?” Hopefully the name alone didn’t weird him out…

Vaal: Alex glanced up at the sorcerer again when he started to talk. Oh. Okay, apparently they were going to be talking. He was kind of hoping they could just both start to pick up and sort out their books in silence, but. Apparently he just. Wanted to keep talking to him. Okay then. And here he thought the only person he was going to be talking to was the person at the front desk. "... I'm Alex." He replied, trying not to sound as nervous as this made him feel. Lucy just stayed perched on his shoulder, looking to the other quietly. You could get a good sense of her size there. She was about as big as her originator's head, which of course made it easy to, say, fit in his hood. She was just curious about what Journal was all about. He seemed nice! The blue haired sorcerer glanced around at the books scattered on the floor. "... mine were mostly DragonStone books." He mumbled, already starting to pick a few up. "I had a couple of other stories though... and a few magic books for practice..."

Belle: Journal tried for a reassuring smile as the other- alex- spoke up. Alex! Another nice name. He seemed pretty nice, too. Though he did look sort of anxious... Guess that’s one thing we have in common, he thought grimly. But that wasn’t where the similarities ended. The sorcerer blinked in surprise as Alex continued. Magic books? Stories? DragonStone books??? Good lord, no wonder they were all mixed up. They had the exact same books. Maybe even literally. Oh Revaew, how cool would that be? He’d have found a fellow book nerd. He fidgeted a bit, trying not to look too excited. “W-well, uh, you might wanna make sure you’re picking up the right books,” he said hesitantly. He glanced down at the pile. Sure enough, there were two of the third DragonStone book. He held them up for Alex to see. “Iiii... had the same stuff.” He chuckled sheepishly. “Y’all read dragonstone? I thought I was the only one in town who read those!” There was a haltingly hopeful look in his eyes. Five minutes in, and Alex has already managed to bring out the nerd in him.

Vaal: Alex raised a brow when Journal mentioned that he might have to make sure he's picking up the right books. What? What did he mean by that? Of course, his answer came quickly. He blinked, looking pleasantly surprised. "Oh. Well. Would you look at that..." He mumbled, sounding a bit pleased with this development. "Yeah, yeah I read DragonStone. I just finished the fourth book, and I'm hoping to grab as many more volumes as I can..." He cleared his throat, as his tone started to shift to a more awkward one. "B-but I don't actually... live in uh. In this town. I live in the next town over...? To the west-ish? My town just... doesn't have a library. So I come to this one." Lucy was just looking quietly amazed at these developments. Wow! They read the same books! Maybe they'd be friends??? Alex could use more friends. She thought to herself. And I'd like more friends too... After a moment, she hopped off her originator's shoulder, and wandered over towards the other sorcerer. "H-hi!" She said, giving another wave. "It's! Really nice to meet you!" Her voice had all the charm of a nervous little kid trying their best to make a good first impression. Alex was happy to see her making an effort to make a new friend. It was heartwarming.

Belle: Journal lit up at Alex’s positive answer. Hey!!! He did find another nerd! Nice! Now if only he knew how to charm his way into talking with Alex about their shared interest... not that. He should be using charm. That only worked to keep people off his case back at his old town. And, unfortunately, it didn’t seem like Alex lived here. Drat. Sighing, he shrugged, handing Alex one of the books. “That’s fair. We’ve got a pretty good library here. I think I spend more time wandering around here than I do at home,” he joked. It was almost true, though. If he wasn’t training with his magic, he might as well just stay here all day... just sorting through books, like he was now... A quiet thump pulled him from his thoughts. He looked up curiously, gaze catching on the icy familiar making her way over. Oh? What was she up to? He smiled gently at Lucy when she spoke. She even sounded adorable… what a sweetheart. He liked her already. He set down his books so he could give her some proper attention. “Well, hey there lil lady,” he replied softly. Still smiling. “It’s nice to meet you too. You just along for the ride? Or are you lookin for some books too?” He briefly considered giving her a pat, but decided against it. He didn’t know if she was ok with those. “I bet I could point you towards some good ones, if you wanted!”

Vaal: Alex snorted when Journal mentioned that he probably spent more time here than at home. Yeah, he felt that. He really felt that. He had to spend a lot of time here to make the trip worth it, to be honest. "Yeah, I spend... a lot more time here than I probably should." He replied, handing him a magic book he knew he didn't have. "I kinda have to, because... well, it takes a day to get here... and then a day to get home... if I spend like... five minutes here, then the trip just doesn't feel worth it, y'know?" Lucy's little icy tail was thwipping from side to side as the sorcerer spoke. He sounded! Really nice! And he liked so many of the same books... at the question, she gave a little smile. "I like the dragonstone books too!" She replied, picking up the second book off the floor. "This one's my favorite so far..." Alex raised a brow at the others’ little conversation. Hmm. He should. Probably say something too, huh? "... my favorite book so far is the third one." He added, as he was getting all the books that he was sure were his in a neat little stack. "But that could change... there's plenty more in the series. I'm really liking it so far, though... really good books... especially when you animate 'em." Did he sound nervous? And anxious? Yes, and yes. But he was trying.

Belle: Journal smiled wider as Lucy and her originator spoke up. He still had books to gather, but he’d stacked enough that they weren’t everywhere anymore. He could just talk with these two. It was nice. He’d missed talking with... well. With friends. Lucy’s declaration made him chuckle. That book was huge compared to her! So cute. Though, Alex’s last comment gave him pause. Animate? “... well, I’m really fond of the fifth one, honestly,” he replied. Holding up his hands, he grinned knowingly. “No spoilers! But it really is a doozy, I’ll tell ya that. ‘S a fun one to read by lamplight. Especially if it’s midnight. Gotta get that atmosphere, eh?” He sounded plenty confident as he spoke. The series was one he loved, after all. Even his anxiety couldn’t ruin that. ... however, it popped back up a little bit. “I uh... I just... have one question for you,” he spoke up timidly. “What’s, uh... what did you mean by animate? If- If I said that right?” He ran a hand through his hair, his smile turned nervous. He always got this way about magic. It was a longtime hyperfixation of his, but he still knew less than he’d admit. “I’ve never heard of that before. Is it a book thing...?”

Vaal: Alex smiled at the little 'no spoilers' comment about the fifth book. He appreciated that. It would be so easy to spoil it. He probably would have accidently spoiled it, with how much he loved the books... and how much he loved talking about them... the mention of not knowing about animating books caused his expression to shift to a more confused one. He had... magic books. So. Obviously he knew magic... ... maybe he was new to it... He thought, internally debating how to answer. "Hmm... well..." He started, a little bit unsure how to explain it. His social anxiety certainly wasn't helping. "It's- it's like- well, you know spells where you like... uh... fuck..." He paused, and took a breath. "You know, like, illusion spells? Like, easy ones that look all smokey? Animating a book is basically doing that. It's a simple little spell where you enchant the book, then it opens, and... like... little figures pop out, and it plays out all the scenes in the book. So. You get to watch what happens, instead of just. Read." He shrugged. "It's pretty neat." "It's super cool!!!" Lucy added, bouncing on her feet. "That's why I like the second one!!! I think it's the best one if you animate it!" The sorcerer snickered a bit at her energy. She was so cute. He was really glad she seemed to be having a good time, despite the... rocky start. "We like to have little animated book nights after long days. It's a good way to unwind."

Belle: Journal listened closely, head tilted to the side. He nodded along as Alex explained. Ok... smoke spells, yeah. Those were what he’d started with. So it should be easy. And it was- what??? You could cast those on books??? How had he never figured that out??? His look of nervous intrigue shifted to utter fascination as Alex and Lucy continued. “Oh shit- that sounds awesome??? That’s- that’s really something you can do???” He chattered eagerly. “Damn, I know what I’m doing tonight. I might as well go through the whole DragonStone series again! Thanks!!!” He paused for a second, seeming to realize Lucy was listening. “Uh- Sorry about the language. Force of habit,” he said sheepishly. He glanced over at his book stack. Animating books... oh, he was already ecstatic. But… he didn’t know if he wanted to... Y’know. Leave the library yet. He had his book stack, sure. But he also had two new... hopefully friends...? “... hey, uh, since you two like dragonstone, could I... uh... make a recommendation?” He asked hesitantly. “Or a couple? Since, uh, since this is your book day and all. Maybe I could... I dunno, show you the best spots to find books in that shelf maze back there?” His smile was still confident, but his gaze was shy. He didn’t wanna overstep boundaries. He just wanted to hang around a bit more. “I don’t have anything else to do today. Not till I get back to my apartment, anyways.”

Vaal: Alex chuckled a bit at Journal's excitement, seemingly glossing over the swear. He had sworn around Lucy a few times. She knows that 'shit' is a bad word, she's not gonna say it. He's let that slip out more than a few times."No problem, I'm sure you'll have a great time." He replied, letting out a little sigh as he continued sorting through his books. Okay... that should be all of his books? He hoped they were. He didn't want to grab Journal's DragonStone books. They were the same books, yes, but he was returning his. He started to check the inside cover of the books for any 'return by this time' stamps when the other spoke up again. He raised a brow. That was... a nice offer, to be sure. Hmm. He thought about it for a moment, as he continued looking through everything. "Hmmmm... I mean, I don't see why not...?" He replied, glancing at Lucy. She seemed excited at the idea. "Thank you, I guess." The familiar just made a little face at her originator before turning to the sorcerer. "I think that's a great idea! Alex always complains about getting lost in here." She glanced at him again, snickering at the face he was pulling. "He'd get lost on his way to this town if there were any turns on the road here!" "I-I would not???" He sputtered indignantly. "My sense of direction is not that  bad!" "What about that time we spent a whole day walking around town because you forgot where the apartment-" "I will ground you."

Belle: Journal looked delighted when Alex said yes. He tried to hide it, but the happy glow in his expression was going nowhere. He! Was gonna! Get to share good books!!! Not to mention he could hang out with Alex and Lucy! Hopefully he could call them friends properly by the time they had to leave. That would be nice. Even if... Y’know. They didn’t live here. That’s a problem for later. As Alex and Lucy bickered, he had to put a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. These were his favorite sorts of conversations to hear. You just knew  there was a story behind em. Even if they’re only mentioned in passing. “Well, I dunno if I can help with the town problem,” he started, getting up. “But I can certainly help with the library one! How about I stick my books in a reserved spot, and you turn yours back in? And then I show you around?” His eyes sparkled eagerly, one hand gently patting the top of his book stack. Ah, yes. The excited pats. “It’s easy once you pick up what spots the different genres are in!”

Vaal: By end of the little bickering session, Alex had his arms crossed, giving Lucy a stern look. The familiar was just sticking her tongue out at him like the little kid she was. Adorable. Absolutely adorable. He simply nodded at Journal's words, picking up his stack of books, and prompting the little familiar to climb up and get settled in his hood again. Though she had her head rested on his shoulder now, wanting to see everything going on instead of just napping the day away. "Sounds good, sounds good..." He said, looking around the pile of books he had. "Lets just hope I don't fall over again..." The sorcerers managed to find the front desk fairly quickly, now that they weren't. Well. On the floor. Falling over apparently helped them get their bearings. Alex got all his books returned and sorted out, still feeling a bit sheepish about just how many he had. And he was probably going to leave with just as many. After everything was sorted out, he turned to Journal, looking... nervously neutral, but still optimistic. He was letting a little smile creep across his face, but that was about it. He was just nervous about looking too excited. Anxiety issues. Lucy looked excited enough for both of them, though. "Okay, uh... feel free to uh. Show us around, I guess."

Belle: Journal hefted his book stack up with ease, following happily after Alex. The librarians on duty ended up making him just. Take a box. It would be easier for them to keep an eye on the books he wanted if they stayed together. Especially since they could put boxes behind the counter. Journal just apologized sheepishly for how many he had. Evidently, it isn’t he thinks about until checkout time. By the time Alex was ready, Journal was practically bouncing in place. He didn’t want to look too eager either, but a tapping foot and shining eyes betrayed him. He just!!! Loved the library! He loved the books! He had a new- er- acquaintance?- who wanted to be shown around and also loved books! And he had a cute familiar! What was there he shouldn’t be excited about? He lives out of town, his mind grumbled. Shut it, he thought in return. “Sooo... I think we can start with legends, since that’s always nice,” he said nonchalantly. He motioned for Alex to follow him, heading confidently towards the shelves. “And then move over to magic books, and then the series like DragonStone...” Excitement crept into his voice the more he spoke. He kept glancing at Alex and Lucy as he walked- both to make sure they kept up, and to gage interest. He wanted to make sure they liked whatever he was chattering about. Hopefully this was helpful and nice for the two of em…

Vaal: The two of them happily followed along, Lucy obviously looking happier than Alex, but he was letting that little smile on his face get bigger as they walked into the maze of shelves. Yeah, he would already be lost if it wasn't for Journal. Speaking of Journal, he was... he was pretty nice. He was a nice guy, maybe a little nervous? But he could understand that. It'd be nice to have a friend in this town. It'd be uh. Nicer to have a friend in his current hometown, but a friend in the next town over was still pretty good. Better than no friends, that's for sure. "I think that sounds good." He replied, giving the familiar on his shoulder a couple of pats. "I don't think I need more magic books right now? But it never hurts to look over a few... just in case there's something interesting that I wanna learn." He shrugged, almost throwing Lucy off balance. "I'm more interested in the legend and DragonStone stuff, to be honest..." He was also interested in having someone to talk to about those legends and DragonStone stuff, but he felt like that'd be a little weird to just... say. To somebody he just met.

Belle: Journal paused talking to listen as they walked. Ah! Good to know. And good for his excitement, honestly. He hadn’t had an opportunity to really get into legends until... well. Until a month ago, really. He had many widely known legends to catch up on! Lots of things to learn! It made him happy. And fueled his dreams of recreating them onstage, one day. Alex likes dragonstone, legends, magic... he’s really nice... has a sweet familiar... and I found him in a library. Could I find a better friend if Revaew herself made one for me? he wondered to himself. What came out, though, was none of that. He spoke as he kept walking, making little gestures as he did so. “Oh! Right, of course! I was just gonna take you around so you knew where stuff was,” he chuckled sheepishly. “We can definitely loiter in the legends section...” He fell silent for a moment. Considering. “... it, uh, it’ll be nice to have some company looking at them, honestly. I’m not as knowledgeable as I’d like to be,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his head. “If- if it’s ok to do that! I mean, we’re doing a tour to get you acquainted, not for legend hour.” Unless you’d like that, his gaze seemed to say. Revaew. He was so awkward. Hopefully Alex could pick up the hint... if not, that was ok! Just... having a buddy would be nice. That’s all.

Vaal: Alex was happy to be wandering the library with someone- two someones, even! It was Lucy's first trip to the library, though he thought she was going to be asleep the whole time. He wished she didn't have such a rude awakening, though. At least she seemed to be enjoying herself regardless. He visibly perked up a bit more at the mention of loitering in the legends section, and gave a chuckle at the mention of not being as knowledgeable as he'd like to be with legends. "I know a lot about legends, honestly." He replied, his face making it clear that he was starting to reminisce. "I got to hear about a lot of them from my uncle..." He cleared his throat a bit awkwardly. Okay, that's enough, he didn't ask for your life story. "A-anyway, I'd love to, uh, loiter in the legends section for a bit. Would you mind, Lucy?" "Nope, that sounds good!" She said, giving a little smile. "As long as we can pick up the other DragonStone books for animated book night, I'm happy!" He chuckled. "Yeah, that's what I figured, but I thought I'd ask."

Belle: Journal perked up a bit at Alex’s mention of hearing legends from an uncle. So they were passed on orally... from family, too... explains how I knew nearly nothing but the horror stories, he grumbled mentally. But Alex wasn’t here for childhood losses. No, he was here for loitering in the legend section. And Journal was too. “Hell yeah, legend loitering,” he smiled, giving Alex a thumbs up. “Maybe you could be the one recommending legends for me, eh?” His tone was joking, but also hopeful. “I’ve, er, kinda been hoping for someone to talk legends with. I mean!!! My roommate is nice! But he’s... well. We’re, uh, still getting used to each other. A-and that’s not the point.” He chuckled ruefully as they walked into the section. He stopped to just... admire the books. There were so many... they were so different... so cool... even the scarier ones... He looked back at Alex with a contented smile. “... welp. We’ve got time. Books are all ours.”

Vaal: Alex nodded at Journal's mention of a roommate. Yeah, he could get that, sort of. It was just him and Lucy in his apartment, but he still had to get used to being in an apartment for more than a weekend. He was still adjusting. Every morning he had been waking up expecting his uncle to come in and tell him that they had to pack up. But no. He was. Staying. In one place. Hopefully he could get used to it. If he couldn't, he could probably just move around more, like most questors do... though, he would prefer to stay in one spot. For Lucy's sake. He wanted her to grow up in a home, not a house. Or, apartment, rather. He wanted a lot of things for her... hopefully he could provide. He looked over all the books on the shelves, his eyes betraying his excitement, the familiar on his shoulder looking more visibly amazed. He gave a whistle, prompting her ears to twitch a bit. "So many books, probably not as much time as I'd like..." He mumbled jokingly. Well, sort of. He was amazed by how many titles he recognized... his smile suddenly widened as he noticed one book in particular. "Oh! Hey!" He grabbed the book, his smile softening as he turned the cover over. It seemed to be a kids story about a kid and a dragon. "I remember this book... I used to read this all the time, back when I... I..." His voice trailed off as his smile faltered a bit. He shook his head, trying to brush it off before Journal could notice. "... i-it was my favorite childhood story." Lucy was just looking over aaaaall the books, her expression one of absolute childlike wonder. Look at! All!! Of those books!!! There were so many!!!

Belle: Journal was practically glowing with happiness as Alex and Lucy looked on. They were excited! It made him feel nice. He hummed contentedly as he perused the shelves. So many names... he felt like he’d hardly made a dent in all these legends. But the ones he knew, he knew by heart. And he was slowly adding to his mental library. When Alex spoke up, he glanced over curiously. Oh! A legend book!  Looked like a kid’s book, and from Alex’s words, he was right. Though... was something wrong? Journal blinked, and Alex looked ok again. He... wouldn’t mention it. He knew how it was with slip ups. The sorcerer just smiled in return, leaning over to take a look. “Ooh, looks sweet!” He replied. “Like a classic kid’s book. I think I had one like that... hang on, lemme look at the shelves...” He stepped away to search. It wasn’t long before he trotted back over to Alex, a book in hand. “Here! This is the one I read to death when I was little.” He held it out. It was about a show sorcerer, from the looks of it. Full of many adventures. It was one of those books he’d kept wedged behind his bed frame at home… memories. Journal shrugged timidly. “It’s... uh... kiiinda the only legend I really knew since... somewhat recently,” he admitted, sighing. He waved a hand, as if to brush it off. “Which! Is why! I’m glad the library has so many!” He swept his hand toward the shelves, tension leaving in favor of childlike eagerness. “‘S plenty to learn and to read and to fall in love with. ‘M real happy about that.” He glanced at Alex, a trace of nervousness in his gaze. He liked legends. He was already showing him around the library. Maybe he could... “... hey... uh... I know we literally just bumped into each other, but. Uh. Would you maybe wanna talk legends if we met up again...?” He asked nervously. “Or- like- Y’know, if we were pen pals we could write back and forth, if- if that’s cool. J-just an idea, it’s fine if you don’t wanna or anything!” Oh Revaew, please let that not have been awkward...

Vaal: Alex wasn't sure if Journal didn't notice his slip up, or if he just wasn't prying. If it was the former, he was glad, if it was the latter, he was thankful for the consideration. Either way, he raised a brow when he suddenly trotted off, and it was still raised when he came back. Though he quickly started smiling again when he saw what book it was. "Hey! I know that one!" He exclaimed, as he quickly started reminiscing again. "I used to read that one a lot... it was one of my uncle's favorites too." He gave a sigh, his mind trailing off as all the good old memories came flooding back. Any memory with his uncle was a good one. At the mention of pen pals, though, he blinked. Pen pals? Like, keeping in contact? Well... they just met, but. He seemed nice. And they seemed to have quite a few things in common, so... "... I mean, I don't see why not." He answered, giving a slightly nervous, but still genuine, smile. "It'd be nice to have someone to talk books with! And maybe I can show you that book animating spell, it's a, uh, pretty simple one." He definitely felt like things were moving a little fast, but then he remembered a saying his uncle had: 'Friendships can happen in a month or a minute.' This just so happened to be the latter. And he was alright with that. Lucy, meanwhile, was still enraptured with all the books. As the two were talking about pen pals and all that, she pulled a book that caught her interest from the shelf, and showed it to Alex, nearly bonking him in the back of the head with it. "Can we take this one?" She asked, giving him those hopeful little kid eyes. "I thought it looked neat..." It seemed to be a little mystery book about a sorcerer thief who left glass flowers as a calling card. He raised a brow at it, and gave a little smile. "... I mean, it does look neat... sure! It'd make for a good book night treat."

Belle: Journal’s smile was both delighted and relieved at Alex’s response. He hadn’t managed to mess up his question, and he’d gotten a pen pal! Nice. I mean, technically nettles is a pen pal. But. Still. I can talk legends and books and magic with my new one, he thought happily. The sorcerer was content to chat with Alex about details as his familiar looked over the shelves. Her sudden book snatching and eager words made Journal chuckle. “Oh, I’ve seen that one around! Haven’t had the chance to read it yet,” he hummed. “If it’s good, let me know! I can, uh, add it to my ‘to read’ list.” As if that wasn’t long enough already. “... Y’know, I bet we could both swap a couple book recs, now that we’re here...” He sighed softly as he looked around again. So many books... so little time... At least he had company today. It felt a lot nicer to browse books with these two. And they would probably be there for awhile. That was perfectly fine with him.

Vaal: Alex wasn't really expecting to get a pen pal today, just some books, but it definitely wasn't something he was against! Besides, it would probably be a little easier on his social anxiety to get to know Journal through letters at first. Of course they'd hang out sometimes, but... well, he assumed they would, anyway. That's like. The end goal of pen pals, right? To get to a point where you can hang out as often as you write to each other? He really didn't know, he's never had one before. He was probably really overthinking this. He smiled again at the mention of book recs. Ooooh yeah, he definitely had some stuff to recommend. Another good thing about this! He could share all his favorite books with someone! And maybe talk about them too, if he liked them as much as him. Though he might not, because... well... He liked some of these books a lot. He could talk for hours about a single book no problem. "Well... if you like DragonStone, then I might know a couple of other books you might enjoy too..."

[roosterforme]

The One Where He Puts His Foot in His Mouth | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley takes his stress out on you, and you let him know that's unacceptable. 

Warnings: Angst and Smut

Length: 3100 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You?

Check my masterlist.

Bradley was feeling stressed out. He had moved everything from the barracks into his new house, and there were boxes all over the place. The new furniture he ordered was scattered in every room, waiting until he had time to assemble it. The clutter was killing him, setting his nerves on edge. He usually liked to keep a very tidy living space.

And on top of that, you had agreed to move in with him in December, just a few weeks from now. He wanted you here, he really did, but you'd already moved some of your random stuff in, just adding to the mess.

So he collapsed on the couch to collect his thoughts while you cooked dinner in the kitchen. 

"I have a great idea, Roo! How about we have some people over for a Friendsgiving dinner the day after Thanksgiving? We can cook our turkey that day instead! It'll be so fun!"

He grunted from the couch. It really didn't sound like all that much fun to him, but he definitely wasn't going to tell you that. "Maybe just Phoenix and Bob?" he suggested, tossing an arm over his eyes. 

"Yeah, I guess I'll see who is available," you told him happily. "This will be great. We have a week to plan everything."

------------------------------------------

Thanksgiving was the best holiday Bradley could remember experiencing in his life. He spent it with you. Only you. He had fun helping you make a lasagna since you were saving the turkey for when Phoenix and Bob came over for dinner tomorrow. Then you snuggled with him on the couch, let him watch football for a few hours, and gave him a blowjob. By the time dinner was ready, you had opened two beers, set the table and called him over to eat. 

"I love this domestic shit, Baby Girl. Living with you is going to be awesome," he told you as he pulled you onto his lap at the dining room table. 

You laughed and gave him a kiss before pulling your plate closer and taking a bite. "I can't wait to be fully moved in with you in just a few more weeks."

Bradley took a bite as well and groaned, because everything you cooked was always delicious. "Gonna be perfect. Just like this, every day. You and me. No fights. Just sex and happiness."

"Sounds good, Roo."

-----------------------------------------

The following day, Bradley had to report to base for the morning, but you were off for the whole day. You had slept over and got right to work in the kitchen first thing, making Friendsgiving dinner. He popped in to get some coffee as he was leaving. 

"This looks like a lot of food, Baby Girl," he commented as he filled his travel mug. 

"Does it? I was thinking it might not be enough." 

Bradley looked around at the ten pound bags of potatoes, boxes of stuffing mix, bundles of carrots, and piles of baking supplies. He could barely see his kitchen counters. 

"I mean, I guess you're the expert," he told you with a kiss to your temple. "I'll be back after lunch."

But when he returned from work, he was even more baffled. The house smelled incredible, but there was so much damn food. You had five pies lined up on the table, timers were going off, disposable bakeware filled the island, and you looked very frazzled. 

"Need any help, Sweetheart?" he asked cautiously. 

"No, I'm good. Everyone will be here in about an hour." 

Bradley scratched his head. "What do you mean by everyone? It's just Phoenix and Bob, right?"

You turned slowly to look directly at him. "No.... it's a few more people than that, Roo. Weren't you listening the other night when I told you that?"

"Listening when? The night I was putting together all of the furniture I bought?"

"Maybe?"

"Well no, Y/N, I probably wasn't paying too much attention to this Friendsgiving thing. Because I thought it was just Phoenix and Bob."

You looked a little panicked, and Bradley immediately felt bad. He ran his hand through his hair. "I just wanted to get the house in order before we had a bunch of people over, but I'm sure it's fine. Don't worry about it. I'm going to get a shower and get dressed before they arrive," Bradley mumbled as he stalked into the bedroom which was still a mess of stuff. 

He took a nice long shower, shaved around his mustache, and got dressed, finally able to calm himself down. It would be no problem to open his house up to a few more people. They were all friends anyway, so no harm done. And it wasn't your fault you had been trying to talk to him when he didn't let you know he was concentrating on the furniture.

You and he would get better at communicating over time, he was sure of it.

But when he walked out into his kitchen, it was literally filled with people. And there were more people coming through the front door. He saw Fanboy, Coyote, Phoenix, Hangman, Bob, Payback, and Maria. Plus a few of your other coworkers from your new lab. There were at least fifteen people in his house. 

"What the fuck..." he muttered to himself as the doorbell rang. He watched you prance over and open the door, revealing Mav, Penny and Amelia. 

So this is why you thought there wasn't going to be enough food. "Holy shit," Bradley sighed, making his way to the refrigerator and grabbing himself a beer. 

"This is so nice, thanks for having everyone over," Phoenix told him, giving him a quick hug. 

Bradley just grumbled. "I thought it was just you and Bob coming. I don't know why she invited everyone we know. The house is still a mess!"

Phoenix's eyes went wide. "Oh, well, don't look now, but um.... yeah...."

Bradley followed her gaze toward the front door where you were letting Cam and that fucking douchebag Kyle into the house. Into Bradley's house. He watched Kyle bend down a little and give you a hug, running his hand across your back. It looked innocent enough, but Bradley really hated that guy on sight. He glared daggers at you. "Y/N."

You jumped away from Kyle's grip around your waist and your eyes met Bradley's.  

"Welcome everyone!" you announced with a nervous smile as you looked at Bradley. "The food is all ready, so please help yourselves! Paper plates are on the counter!"

"Y/N, can we talk for a minute?" 

"Sure..." you said cautiously, and Bradley followed you into the bedroom as everyone else started to pile food onto plates. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? There are a hundred people in my house, including Kyle, and I didn't know any of them were going to be here! Who the hell else did you invite?"

"That's it! Nobody else is coming!" you promised, running your hands up and down his arms to calm him down. "Can you just come back out and try your best to be pleasant? Please? And we can talk later?"

"Fine," Bradley managed through gritted teeth. He would just glue himself to Phoenix for the remainder of the evening, and he would make it.  

So he got a plate of food and listened to everyone compliment your cooking. He couldn't disagree with them, but he liked it better when it was just the two of you. And what was Kyle doing here anyway? Why had you invited him? At least he was avoiding Bradley like the plague. 

Maverick tried to make conversation, but Bradley was in a sour mood by this point. Basically everyone was avoiding him now except for Bob, who was either too kind to leave anyone out or too clueless to catch onto Bradley's mood. 

And now Kyle had you alone, near the back door. How much longer was Bradley going to have to play nice? He decided he wasn't going to.

"Hey, Sweetheart," he said as he walked over to you. Then he pulled you against him and kissed you hard, pressing his fingers into your hips. He teased your mouth until you sighed.

"What was that for?" you whispered after he released you.

"Just wanted to kiss my girlfriend, that's all." He winked at Kyle as he ran his hand along your lower back and ass. Kyle swallowed and then wandered off into the kitchen.

"Oh my goodness, I thought you came over here to kiss me because you wanted to, but you were just trying to make Kyle jealous!" you hissed at him, pulling out of his grasp. "Come on, Bradley!" 

"What am I supposed to do, when he so clearly wants to fuck you! It's so transparent!" Bradley replied, waving his arms in the air.

"God, can you please not do this right now? Look, everyone is eating the pies. Can this wait until dessert is over and everyone leaves?"

"Sure," Bradley agreed with a growl. He picked up a plate and filled it with pie slices. He figured the more he had to eat, the less that would be available for everyone else. And slowly but surely, everyone started to filter out of his house. Kyle was unsurprisingly the first to go. Good riddance. Penny and Mav offered to stay and help clean up, but Bradley assured them it would be just fine if they went ahead and left for the night.

You were actively avoiding him at this point, going so far as to try to get Phoenix to stay longer. 

"Nope, it's time for Nat to leave. Bye Nat, and please take them with you," he said, gesturing to all of the guys.

Phoenix pulled Bradley aside on her way to the door. "Can you stop acting like a dick? Your girlfriend was sweet to invite everyone over. And I'm going to say this as nicely as I can; if you want to have a girlfriend at all, then I suggest you act a little better in the future."

Bradley stood silently in the middle of the living room, and watched you give everyone hugs as they left. When you closed the door behind them, Bradley was about to apologize to you.

"Oh my God, Bradley!" you shouted before he could get a word out. "What the fuck is your problem? I was trying to have a nice time!"

His blood was instantly boiling again. "Then why did you invite Kyle? I can't fucking stand the way he looks at you!" he shouted.

"I didn't! I think he overheard me inviting Cam and Maria and just decided to tag along!"

"Really?" Bradley asked, taking a few steps closer to you. "Are you sure you didn't invite him here to get me all riled up like this?"

"Yes, I'm sure! Oh my God, it doesn't even matter, Bradley!" 

"It sure as hell matters to me. I don't want him in my house!"

You took a step away from him. "In your house?"

"Yeah! My house!"

Your eyes narrowed to slits and you planted your hands on your hips. Bradley had the fleeting thought that perhaps he'd made a mistake.

"So when I move in with you in a few weeks, what does that make me?" you asked, deadly calm. "Your girlfriend, or your fucking personal chef? Do I need to run everything past you first so I don't do something you don't like in your precious house? I guess this is a good example of why I wanted to pay you rent!" 

"Sweetheart, that's not what I meant," he said, taking a cautious step toward you.

"You told me you wanted this to be our house, but if you've changed your mind, then maybe I can move in with Cam instead. I'm sure he won't try to dictate to me what I'm allowed to do where I live!" You eyes were flashing with anger. Bradley was fucked. He'd never seen you this mad before. 

"Baby Girl, I didn't mean-"

"I already gave up my lease with Maria! So if you're going to start acting like a fucking clown all of a sudden, I'd rather you tell me now instead of after I move my stuff in here! That way you'd be saving me time finding a new place to live and a new boyfriend!"

"Don't say that," Bradley hissed, backing you up to the wall. His hands were on your hips, pinning you in place. "Do not say that to me." His breathing was ragged as he watched your eyes grow wide.

He watched you lick your lips as your eyes dropped to his mouth. "Don't tell me what to do," you whispered, and Bradley couldn't take much more.

"Stop it," he said quietly, shaking his head. "You belong with me. Stop saying you don't."

You glared up at him. Your hands found their way to his chest, but instead of pushing him away like he was afraid you were going to do, you pulled him closer. "Make me."

Bradley pinned you in place, one hand on your hip and one around the side of your neck. He kissed you hard on the lips before pulling away again. He looked down at your beautiful face, an expression of pride and stubbornness filling your features. He gently stroked your neck with his thumb. 

"I want you here. With me." 

"To be your personal chef?"

"No, to be my girlfriend who I get to dote on."

You licked your lips and sniffed, but you didn't try to move. "You had a funny way of showing that today. You can't tell me what to do. And I don't care if you think Kyle wants to fuck me. I don't want to fuck Kyle, so that's just going to have to be a good enough answer for you. Or I'll find somewhere else to live." 

"Don't," Bradley growled.

"Then show me you want me here," you whispered, and he had you hoisted up in his arms immediately. 

"I want you here," he said roughly, enunciating every word. "I want you fucking everywhere with me, Baby Girl." He kissed your mouth as you wrapped your legs around his waist. "I'm sorry I was a jerk."

"Show me," you insisted again, grinding against his abs. He kissed you, palm at the back of your head, keeping you in place while he sucked your lower lip between his teeth and nibbled. You moaned into his mouth, and he felt so possessive of you. He needed you to know you made his life better. 

Bradley laid you down on the couch and climbed on top of you. He kissed your neck as he worked at the zipper of your jeans. "I want you here, because I love you." He slipped his hand inside your underwear and you moaned.

"I don't care if you never cook for me again," he added. "I'll make us cereal for dinner every night, and I'll never complain."

You smiled slightly up at him, clearly trying to keep your expression angry. He wasn't going to have you living anywhere else. No matter what. 

He kissed your chin gently as he circled your clit with his fingertips. "God you're wet, Baby Girl. You like arguing with me? Makes me hot too." Although he didn't find this too surprising, he wasn't planning on fighting with you to get this reaction in the future. You needed to know you could trust him.

You just moaned and tipped your head back as Bradley slipped a finger inside you. 

"I want you here, Sweetheart. I'll apologize to everyone if you want me to. Even Kyle. And you can have them all over again, too. You can do anything you want."

"Bradley," you whined. He slid your jeans down your legs, followed by your underwear. Then he unzipped his jeans and pushed them down a bit until his hard length was free. 

"Baby Girl, you gotta stay here with me. I need you," he whispered as he pushed his cock into your wetness and bottomed out. "Oh, fuck." He let himself go; if you wanted him to show you he wanted you here, then he would do just that. He fucked you hard, gently peppering your face with kisses.

Soon you were a whining, needy mess under him, squeezing his entire length as he started fucking you slowly. You felt so good, you always felt like this. He couldn't believe he'd yelled at you. "Sweetheart, I love you. Tell me what you need."

You chewed on your lip glancing down to where his body connected with yours. "You better make me come," you told him, grabbing his shoulders and guiding his mouth back down to yours.

He would do that. He absolutely would. He kissed you sweetly, pulling one leg up over his hip. Then he fucked you into the couch cushions, bracing one foot on the floor. He fucked you hard and fast until you were close, then he brushed his fingers gently across your clit. He slowed his pace down and kissed your neck. He could feel your pussy squeeze him tighter as your orgasm started and your moans got louder.

"I'll make you come all the time in our house. Just say you'll stay with me," he whispered next to your ear. You whined as you came, grabbing at his shirt and his neck. 

"I'll stay," you gasped, and Bradley let himself tumble over the edge with you.

A few minutes later, you started stirring beneath him, his cock still inside you. He lifted his head from the crook of your pretty neck and looked at your flushed face and puffy lips. "I'm sorry I was such a jerk today. I honestly thought you knew how stressed out I've been feeling about moving in here and getting everything ready. I should have made it clear that I only wanted a few people to come over."

"I'll be more explicit next time, Roo. I promise. Now do you believe me that I didn't invite Kyle?"

"Yes, I believe you."

"You can understand why I didn't want to turn someone away?"

"Yes, of course. I'm an idiot."

"Will you stop acting like a baby?"

"Yes, I will."

"And did you get this all out of your system? I don't want to see you like this again."

"I hear you, Baby Girl. No more."

You pushed his weight off of you and he stood, quickly pulling you to your feet as well. "Come eat some pie with me," you murmured as you pulled him into the dining room.

Bradley watched his cum drip down your legs and swore to himself he wasn't going to fuck this up. He loved you too much.

---------------------------------

Thanks for reading along! And thank you to @bradshawsbitch for all of your help!

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[ashley-incharge]

Complicated | Ashroo

In which Ashley and Roo talk serious shit and also flirt a bit. [Dated: June 5th]

@littlemister-roo

ASHLEY:

A few things had happened since Ashley and Roo had last spoken. The first? She had figured out (or figured out with some help) that she was starting to feel the baby. Or apparently it was what the baby felt like moving in there at this point. And she'd thought something was dreadfully wrong.

The second? Well. This was the actual tragedy wasn't it? Ashley's very perfect and precisely beautiful and round innie of a belly button...had been destroyed. It was the most shocking thing to her when she'd woken up and discovered the change.

Ashley had contacted Roo, insisting they meet up in their usual place, already close to tears as she rushed over to the park. "You won't believe this! Romeo DeRosa, our baby is ruining my body!"

ROO:

It was a day like any other and Roo was just going about his usually daily routine: school, work, and, now, meeting up with Ashley for their usually weekly baby bump photo shoots. There was nothing to indicate that anything was out of the ordinary.

Until he saw Ashley hurrying over to him. The look on her face was enough to send a shot of panic racing through him. What had happened? Why did it look like she was about to cry?

But then, as quick as it had come, the panic faded, replaced by a bemused expression as he looked her up and down. An eyebrow raised, he said, "I—don't think that's true at all. I mean, have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately? From what I've heard, lots of women would kill to have a figure like yours right now."

Ashley:

On any other day, Ashley would probably preen a bit about Roo complimenting her figure. No, okay, she was vain enough to preen anyway a little because it was nice to hear. But still!

This wasn't about her figure! Even if the baby was quickly changing it and making her feel heavy and weird. But no. It was about her poor belly button.

Ashley didn't even really give him time to admire her figure further, rolling up her shirt quickly so that her stomach was exposed and he could see exactly what had offended her. "Look at this! Look at my belly button! I've never been an outie in my life!"

Roo:

Her—bellybutton? That's what all the fuss was about?

Roo's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she lifted her shirt to reveal her stomach—her perfectly round stomach without a single blemish or mark. He leaned in to get a better look and, sure enough, her belly button was indeed an outie. Not that he had ever paid attention before. For all he knew, it had always been that way. He would just have to take her word for it.

"Wow!" he said, still peering at the bellybutton with interest. "It's so cute!"

Without a further thought his hand automatically reached out to poke it. What? He couldn't help it. It was like this perfectly shaped button on her stomach. It was demanding to be pushed! Besides, pushing Ashley's buttons was apparently what he did best.

Ashley:

Ashley found herself spluttering, shock keeping her from lashing out as Roo just as he...well he....he just poked her bellybutton! He poked her like that was a normal thing to do and as if they'd been anywhere close to friendly enough to do stuff like this in the last few months.

She could feel her face heat, and a part of her wanted to duck away and quickly cover her stomach back up. Ashley really hadn't expected him to do that at all. "That...it...it's not cute! It's horrible! I mean seriously look at it!"

Roo:

Ashley may not be Roo's favorite person in the world these days, but he would be lying if he said that the fact that he'd made her flustered wasn't immensely satisfying, Though he did at least to wipe the smirk off his face before looking up at her.

He knew she was in a mood, and if he pushed too much, they'd have another fight. He did not want that. Keeping Ashley happy was the key to a peaceful life, it seemed.

"I'm looking, and it's really not that bad, Ashley. In fact, I'd even say your stomach looks flawless. I mean, I guess it's different, not that I would really know. But I'm sure it will go back to normal when the baby comes. No harm no foul, right?"

Ashley:

"You've seen me naked and you never in a moment of that time appreciated how perfect my bellybutton was?" Ashley questioned just to be difficult, though she knew they'd been focused on other things then. Other much more enjoyable things than an innie or an outie.

Though she supposed the baby wasn't exactly a great result of that good time. She glanced down at herself, a hand tracing over her stomach lightly, cheeks still rather warm. "Okay but what if it doesn't go back to normal? You don't know for sure that it will." God she really hoped that it would.

"This is so unfair. You get to stay normal."

Roo:

"I'm sorry for not taking the time to admire your perfect innie bellybutton when I had a chance, Princess," Roo replied dryly. The truth was, it had all happened so fast and, really, their naked time together had literally been them together sooo...yeah.

He straightened and shoved his hands in his pockets. "But seriously, I don't pretend to know anything about the mechanics of bellybuttons and pregnancy, but logically it makes sense? If the baby is pushing against it now, I should think it would go back when the baby is out of here, yeah?"

He shrugged, adding, "Yeah, I'm sorry for that. If I could force belly button to become a sympathy outie, I would . But if it makes you feel any better," he grinned crookedly. "You really do look amazing."

Ashley:

Ashley hummed. She supposed there could be some kind of logic to this. She just didn't think the baby could be big enough to do something like that yet. And sure she had her aches and sores that told her that the baby was disrupting her body in some ways, but her bellybutton? Ugh it was just a travesty she wasn't ready for. "Hmm...I guess. Maybe it's not quite the time to panic. It still feels like it should be."

Ashley hated that he knew what to say. She could feel her cheeks heat again and it was stupid. She knew she looked good. She was probably the hottest pregnant girl in this town right now. But he had that stupid crooked smile and it did something to her. It made her want to do stupid things like kiss him. God what a mistake that would be. "Well...thank you. I guess it kind of helps." She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "At least I'm a good looking pregnant teenager."

Roo:

Roo sighed with relief, thankful that the current Ashley crisis has been averted. There would be no meltdown over the state of her belly button. Not today, anyways.

And for the record, Roo was just trying to be nice and do the right thing. The fact that Ashley was still the hottest girl he knew had absolutely no effect on him, thank you very much. Or at least, that's what he told himself. It made things easier.

"See?" he grinned. "There's the silver lining! And we only have—what? Four more months? And you'll get your body back and still be the hottest girl in town."

Ashley:

Ashley sighed again, adjusting her shirt so that it would sit right for the pictures they had planned for this day. She wanted them to look good too, no matter how emotionally distraught she was about the bellybutton. Or about Roo's stupid smile. Not that she was really distraught over that. But it was distracting.

"Yeah. I guess you're right. Only four more months and giving birth to an actual human being." Ashley remarked with a snort. "But do go on. I do like to hear you say I'm the hottest girl in town. It's not easy to admit you're still attracted to me I'll bet, but I'm proud of you for being able to do it."

Roo:

"Excuse me?!" Roo spluttered, eyes wide as he took a quick step back. "I'm  not—! I was only saying—! It doesn't mean—!" Why was she like this? Here he was trying to be nice and make her feel better and she had to go and ruin it with her own smug comment. What she was implying was—crazy!

"Just because I said you look good doesn't mean—that." He crossed his arms, sulking now, trying not to think about what his reaction really might mean.

Ashley:

Ah all was right in the world again. A smile started spreading across Ashley's face, delighted that she was able to fluster him a bit instead. That was much better. She liked toying with him more. "Yes you were."

A laugh escaped her, and she couldn't help but be a little smug about it. But it was too easy. And in her opinion obvious. "You know there's no shame in it Roo. I am carrying your child and somehow still a vision. I don't blame you for finding me to be the hottest girl in town."

Roo:

Roo knew that sly smile, she was totally messing with him. It was one of her games—just like old times. He returned her grin with an attempt at a withering glare, though it fell a bit short because he was simultaneously trying to shove all of the weird flustery feelings aside.

"You don't have to be so smug about it," he grumbled half heartedly, his eyes darting away from hers. On the plus side, at least she was sort of happy again and not on the verge of a freak out. So...mission accomplished? He supposed?

"I thought it was just a fact that everyone knew. The sky is blue, grass is green, Ashley is hot. Whatever." He shrugged.

Ashley:

Ashley definitely had to be smug about it. It was nice to have the upper hand again. And anyway, it was sort of nice to know that he still found her hot. It was sort of difficult for her to really think hot when she was 20 weeks pregnant. Even with her boundless confidence.

"I think I kind of do. I mean if you find me hot like this, you'll find me hot anytime." Ashley remarked, her smile only growing. "It's okay baby. Just admit it. You're not over me."

Roo:

Roo snorted. "If by 'not over you', you mean that I am still capable of appreciating how pretty you are, then sure, I'm not over you." He could admit that much. Their relationship was—complicated. Always had been and now it was ten times more so.

He smirked, raising an eyebrow and adding, "But don't think I didn't notice you blushing earlier, Princess. Admit it. You are clearly not over me either."

Ashley:

"This isn't about me. Don't twist this around!" Ashley made a face at him, displeased that he could still get any sort of read on her. How annoying. Ashley A. needed to have the upper hand. That was how these things were supposed to work.

"I'm completely over you. There's not a single thing that would make me change my mind."

Roo:

Roo laughed. Her denial was all the proof he needed.

"Oh, come on," he pressed, his smirk growing into a full blown grin. "Would it be so bad to admit that you find me the tiniest bit attractive? It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Ashley:

Ashley hated the way he smiled at her. He was getting so smug it was ridiculous. "It would be. I don't think you're attractive at all!" A boldfaced lie, but Ashley wasn't one to admit that. No chance in hell! Not even if he gave her that stupid crooked smile that made her heart do weird things.

"Don't look at me like that. It's annoying." She wanted to kiss him. This was a terrible idea. Ashley should leave before she did something stupid.

Roo:

Roo was playing with fire. He knew it. But damned if it wasn't just too hard to resist when Ashley was playing so hard to get when she clearly felt something for him. It stirred up all kinds of strange feelings he thought he was over.

He took a half step closer, shoving his hands in his pockets and raising an eyebrow. "How should I look at you then? Tell me what you want, Princess."

Ashley:

Roo took a step closer and Ashley had to resist taking a step back. She wasn't going to let herself be intimidated by the idiot who knocked her up. That would be outrageous. Even if the way he looked at her was...it was distracting.

She hated this. "I...." Ashley could feel her cheeks warming again, and that stupid urge just building. Well whatever. Ashley could do what she wanted. She'd take what she wanted and Roo would probably hate it anyway. That being settled, and with the confidence of someone who was sure she could destroy their relationship right there (or so she told herself), Ashley leaned in and kissed him.

Roo:

Roo would be the first to admit that he never knew what to expect from Ashley. She was unpredictable at the best of times. And he absolutely did not expect her to kiss him! The second her lips met his, every coherent thought left his brain—he couldn't pull away, even if he'd wanted to.

It was like no time had passed since their last make out date in her bedroom. His lips moved effortlessly with her and one hand reached up to cradle her jaw, his thumb stroking the soft skin of her cheek.

He had all but forgotten that they were standing in the middle of the park, though he didn't really care. He was surprised to discover how much he still liked kissing her and was perfectly happy to continue doing so until she decided she was done.

Ashley:

Okay. So he didn't pull away the second her lips touched his. That was fine. Ashley hadn't kissed anyone in a while, she might as well enjoy this. And of course it wasn't about Roo. Why would it be? Ashley deserved nice things every once in a while.

That just happened to be kissing him. Though she found herself moving closer, or as close as she could to him until her belly pressed up against him. Ashley chose to ignore that. At least it was still small enough to not be too big of an issue.

Ashley kept kissing him, arms wrapping around his neck as she deepened the kiss without even really thinking about it. It felt good. It had been a while  since she'd got to feel that good.

Roo:

Ashley had once told Roo she liked a guy who took charge, but—well, look where that had gotten them. And contrary to popular belief, he was not a complete idiot, so he chose to follow her lead, moving closer as she moved closer, slipping his arms around her back as her arms slipped around his neck, deepening the kiss as she did.

The feel of the baby belly between them was a little strange, especially if he let himself think about how it had gotten there—but kissing Ashley just felt so good. He could admit that though they clearly didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things, they at least had some amount of chemistry together.

Eventually, however, Roo had to breathe and so he kissed her once, twice, three times more, allowing the last to linger a bit before pulling back. As he met her gaze, he tried not to smirk too much, truly he did. His arms still around her waist, he said, "Well, princess, in case you were wondering, you still got it, not that there was any doubt."

Ashley:

She'd just kissed Roo. Because clearly Ashley liked to make things worse in a situation. But it was good. It was stupidly good, and she wished she could be angrier with herself for doing it. But she wasn't.

He kissed her back too. A few times and each extra one made her heart a little more unstable. What the hell? Ashley had been so sure that she was over it. But it was overwhelming. What had Ashley just done?

"Of course I do," Ashley said cockily, though she didn't draw away from him or try to make herself bigger like she kind of wanted to. They'd just kissed each other. Ashley leaned in to get one more kiss. "You're not so bad yourself."

Roo:

Ok so she wasn't glaring or yelling or calling him an idiot. That was a good sign, right?

To be honest, Roo didn't know what he was expecting, nor did he know what he wanted from Ashley. It's not like they were ever going to be a normal couple, whatever that meant. He didn't think she'd go for that. So, for the moment, he supposed he'd just go along with whatever this was. It was nice to get lost in the sensations with her, and it was nice to have her treat him like a normal human being rather than an inconvenience to be merely tolerated.

He leaned in to receive her kiss and replied with a grin, "That's probably the nicest thing you've said to me in months. Careful, princess, or I might forget that you hate my guts."

Ashley:

Ashley couldn't help but snort. "Well you can't blame me for being pissed. Neither of us were planning for a baby." Admittedly she might have been terrible, but she didn't think she was unreasonable. It was a lot to process! It had been. It still was.

They were having a damn baby after all. That was a big life change.

Ashley took a breath and let it out again. "It's incredibly infuriating but I don't actually hate your guts." She wished that she did. It would make everything easier. She could just do things on her own and not care if she did something that bothered Roo. But she did...care. She just didn't like admitting it. "Do you want to get out of here maybe? Go somewhere more comfortable?"

Roo:

Roo actually thought that was very fair. He'd felt like the worlds biggest idiot for being so careless in the first place and incredibly guilty that Ashley had to physically deal with everything while he was just long for the ride. And even though she was infuriating sometimes, he didn't completely blame her either.

He understood but it didn't mean he was going to just take it, however, so he'd learned to push back a bit. Besides, if there's as one thing he knew, it was that Ashley wouldn't ever respect him if he didn't grow a backbone. But now, perhaps it was paying off? He could only hope.

"Well, I can't say I'm not relieved to hear that," he smiled a bit wider. "And sure, lead the way, Princess. Maybe we can find a good spot to take your weekly picture on the way."

Ashley:

Ashley could imagine he was. She'd told him she hated him pretty nonstop. Even the strongest person had to be intimidated by that. Ashley was a powerful presence after all. It was only right that he'd be worried.

Still, she felt pretty good and she was going to just be selfish and let herself enjoy it for a while. Common sense would kick in soon enough and then they'd both probably draw away from each other. That's how it had been in the past. No reason for that to change.

Ashley drew away a little, though she did reach for his hand. A small indulgence. All of it was a mix of little indulgences. "I'll be honest...I have no idea where we should go. I just think if we keep kissing, it might be nice to do it elsewhere." She paused for a moment and added, "maybe we can take a picture together again too. I'm feeling charitable."

Roo:

Having Ashley speak civilly towards him was odd enough, but having her want to spend time with him and hold his hand? It was surreal, if he was being honest. He half wondered if the town was doing some kind of magic thing to mix them all up. He wasn't going to complain though.

He smiled and bumped his shoulder against hers playfully as they walked. "Wow, you really are feeling generous aren't you? Offering to take a photo with me? I'm honored." He held back the smart remark that was on the tip of his tongue about how it must be his kissing prowess. No reason to annoy her needlessly.

"And if you want, we can go to my place. It's nothing fancy, but it's clean and my mom is at work this afternoon, so we have it to ourselves for the next few hours."

Ashley:

"You should be. This is a limited time offer you know." Ashley wasn't one to pose with anyone but her girls usually. And it especially wasn't a top choice for her to pose with the father of her child. But hey, one or two pictures wouldn't be the worst either.

She squeezed his hand a little and tried to be nicer and not elbow the idiot for teasing. They had a truce going. Ashley was willing to accept it for the time being.

"Better than nothing. Let's go. We can take a picture there too if you want. You'll be able to tell our kid where it was taken and all. Not a bad thing." Ashley could imagine at least. She could add it to her photo album and write a little thing about Roo and his mom's place. "Let's go Romeo."

Roo:

Romeo, right. He snorted, but led the way. Hand in hand they went, as if they were a normal couple just out for a walk in town. Did he mention how surreal it was? Roo took Ashley through the park and back past Main Street, heading towards his neighborhood, which was the exact opposite side of town from her neighborhood.

They small talked a bit, unsurprisingly mostly about baby stuff until they reached the house. Roo dug in his pocket for the key and opened the door for Ashley, ushering her through. "It's not much, but it's home," he smiled and gestured to the cozy living room . "Make yourself comfortable. Can I get you something to drink? Or eat?"

Ashley:

Ashley didn't let herself dwell on how strange and normal this was. If she did she would probably freak herself out and take off. But they were probably do a normal moment where they weren't just taking pictures of her stomach and she wasn't just yelling or complaining at him that he'd ruined her body.

She glanced around the place, eyebrows raised at the place. It really was...quaint compared to what she was used to. But Ashley was in a charitable mood so she would leave the insults for later. Plus, she couldn't really throw stones while she wasn't even living in her own place. Well she could, but the hypocrisy could easily be pointed out.

Ashley made her way in and immediately settled on the couch, leaning against the back of it with a sigh. "Ahh....well I won't turn down food. Eating for two is no joke. I feel like I'm always hungry now."

Roo:

"You got it, Princess." Roo grinned and set to work. He knew from the many afternoons they'd spent kissing at her house that Ashley preferred what he liked to refer to as "rabbit food", so he put together a plate of the snack veggies his mom kept in the fridge—the ones he rarely touched unless she made him.  He grabbed a few slices of cheese and some deli meat for himself and filled two glasses with water before taking it all back to the living room and setting it on the coffee table.

Plopping down in the couch beside Ashley, leaving a bit of space in case she decided she was done with the touching or whatever, he grabbed the plate up and offered to her with a smile. "Will this work? I can go make you grilled cheese if you'd prefer that."

Ashley:

Ashley eyed the plate for a long minute. She was surprised he remembered some of the stuff that she usually liked to eat. Her stomach growled obnoxiously, and she reached for the plate quickly. "This is pretty good. Though uh...I've been eating a little greasier lately," she admitted with a wry smile.

"Our kid wants more than fruits and veggies I guess. Imagine that." She settled onto the couch letting out a sigh. "This is a comfortable couch. I could sink right into it and never get up."

Roo:

Roo popped right back up from the couch and turned to head towards the kitchen. "Greasier, you say? Yeah, must be my kid." He laughed, delighted. It was so strange to have Ashley lounging on his couch and, well? Liking it. Add to that the fact that she was actually craving greasy food? It was a bit like being in one of those old twilight zone movies.

" But, greasier is my specialty so I can definitely help you out there! Is the little—I dunno. What is it this week? An apple? A banana? Whatever—is the baby in the mood for grilled cheese or microwave pizza?"

Ashley:

"Well loving greasy food definitely isn't my thing so must be yours." She snorted, a hand running over her stomach almost habitually now. She couldn't help herself. Now that she was really showing it was fascinating in a way. Distracting.

"Oh my god pizza!" Ashley hadn't had pizza in years. Years! But just mentioning it had her stomach growling aggressively. "Please. We would kill for a pizza right now."

Roo:

"One pizza, coming right up!" Roo bounced off to the kitchen and popped a pizza in the microwave, waiting the few minutes for it to heat up. He slipped it onto a plate and marched back into the living room, offering it to Ashley. "Not the most gourmet pizza, but? Hopefully the two of you will approve."

He plopped back down to the other end of the couch and sat criss cross legged, facing Ashley. "So...uhh...I think I said it before but—that kiss? It was really nice. But I can't help but wonder what it means—for us. I mean it doesn't have to mean anything! If you don't want it to—I just—want to understand what you're thinking." He smiled ruefully. "So maybe I can avoid screwing up. You know?"

Ashley:

"Hey I'm not complaining. It smells delicious." She reached for the plate eagerly, eyes lighting up as she took a bite of her first slice, a soft moan escaping her. God it was as delicious as she imagined it would be. She could hardly believe she was eating it.

She took another enthusiastic bite before she felt her face warm, glancing over at Roo with a sheepish look. "Right. I...I'm not really sure. I just really wanted to kiss you. You know? It's kind of stupid."

Roo:

Roo liked this side of Ashley. The side of her she showed when she let her guard down and was just a normal girl who wasn't trying to prove—whatever it was she was trying to prove. He managed to suppress his laughter when she moaned at the pizza. It would be hypocritical to laugh, seeing as he did the same on a regular basis. Pizza was just that good, ok?

"Well that's fair, I suppose," he said with a shrug. "I can understand that, and I don't really think its stupid at all. We'll just play things by ear—like we usually do." He grinned as she devoured the small personal sized pizza. "So? What do you want to do now?"

Ashley:

"That's it?" Ashley asked with a raised eyebrow. "You don't want to talk about it more?" Talk about bewildering. Was Roo really going with just not knowing anything? With playing things by ear and not doing anything about it?

She took another eager bite of pizza, chewing it with a furrowed brow. "What do you think about it?"

Roo:

"Well, I mean—gosh Ashley—" Roo was confused. Because, of course, he wanted to talk about it and know everything, but he also knew from experience that pushing Ashley to talk about anything was a recipe for disaster.. "I was just trying to follow your lead and—wow. I seriously misread that." He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I don't know—" his forehead crinkled thoughtfully "I mean. I always like kissing you. And when you're not shouting at me or whatever, I actually really like you too." He grinned, reaching for a cheese cube and popping it in his mouth.

Ashley:

Ashley could feel her face warm, and she ducked her head a little. This was weird. This feeling between them was weird. Overwhelming. She wasn't sure what to make of it. "I..." she shouldn't have continued this, but it was weird. She didn't think it was just a kiss. "I like you too I think," Ashley mumbled hesitantly.

That was weird to say. And it floated there weirdly. What was she going to do with that. "It is strange though isn't it? I mean what if we blow up at each other again?"

Roo:

Roo felt a hint of warmth flutter in his stomach. This was so surreal. The pair of them were so accustomed to acting first and thinking later, that actually having a conversation was the strangest thing.

Not only that, but—she...liked him?

"Maybe a little?" He admitted. "But I'm not going to lie. That makes me happy, it feels very—complicated. Even though it shouldn't because I kind of worry about the same thing. We seem to sort of rub each other both the wrong way and the right way all at the same time." He laughed, shaking his head. "But, maybe sort of knowing what we are to each other might help a bit? With the blow ups, I mean."

Ashley:

"I don't know would it? What are we to each other then?"Ashley asked boldly, because well...she didn't know what this was. She hated that his crooked smile made her feel weak still. Because he got her pregnant. Well okay, they'd both fucked up there but it was still a mess. They were having a baby! Was it really a good idea to go there again?

Roo:

Roo laughed ironically, leaning his head back against the sofa cushion and looking at the ceiling. "That is the question of the century, isn't it? To me you're more than just my baby's mother. I'd like for us to at least be friends, but—there's this—tension between us. That makes us occasionally lose our heads with each other. I honestly don't know how to define it—except its not something I've ever felt before with any other friend."

Ashley:

"I know what you mean." Though Ashley didn't like to admit it. Because it meant admitting to those feelings that she buried down because it wasn't smart. Because Roo wasn't the coolest person. Because she knew her girls would judge her for it. "It's something else but that's kind of...I mean I can't date you openly regardless of what it is."

Roo:

Roo snorted and rolled his eyes. "But you walk around carrying my baby—" He pointed out the obvious, his tone sarcastic. "You do realize that anyone with a braincell already knows we had sex, right? Especially after whichever one of your anonymous friends spilled the beans on the identity of your baby daddy on the rumor mill last month."

He sighed. "But that's not the point. I doubt anything about us is ever going to be conventional. And really, I don't care what people in school think at this point—believe it or not, Princess. I don't like you for the social status. If you prefer not to see me at school, I get it. It draws attention to everything." He gestured vaguely to her stomach. "But it doesn't change who we are to each other and dancing around the issue hasn't done us any favors in the past."

Ashley:

"It's not about what the rest of the school thinks. It's about what my girls think. I love them you know." She didnt want them to look at her with disgust. Though she knew there wasn't much hiding that Roo was the father. It was an awkward situation.

"You might be right," Ashley admitted reluctantly. "School's almost over anyway. For me, after that...it won't be the same. I mean it...there's more of a chance to see what's going on after I graduate." She shrugged her shoulders. "If you want to do that. Because a relationship with all this is kind of insane still."

Roo:

Ah yes. The girls. The three who had always been the number one road block to anything between him and Ashley. He'd come to realize that Ashley lived for their approval above all else, though he'd never understand it. If she had to wear her tough girl mask all the time just for them, just—why?

"I would never ask you to choose between me and your friends," he said simply. "At least—assuming the baby isn't involved at all, but that's a totally different discussion. I mean though, I'm ok with going with the flow until school is out and seeing where we stand then. It's not like it will change much—" he grinned, raising an eyebrow. "We're sitting here now, aren't we?"

Ashley:

Ashley snorted. "The baby is a whole other conversation. Though they have said they'd help me with him. Or they did in the beginning. Not sure where they're at now." Things were different. Ashlee's situation was chaotic. There was a lot to look at.

Ashley hummed, a weak smile crossing her face. "Yes I suppose we are. That's something I suppose. Better than before."

Roo:

"I'm glad you have their support, really. I've definitely noticed an increase in glares at school. But that's to be expected, I suppose—atleast they didn't put me in the burn book—that's my silver lining anyway," he laughed. "But again, our baby and our relationship is between you and me—I just hope they'll be good enough friends to support you whatever you decide as far as we are concerned."

He scooted a bit closer to Ashley, his arm resting on the back of the couch. Not too close, mind you. Baby steps, right? "Er—is this ok?"

Ashley:

"Well we all decide who goes into the burn book. They know they'd make it harder for me if they did that." Ashley's friends knew better. They knew that she'd have to spend time with Roo. It wasn't a simple cut and dry thing to remove the father of her child from any social welcome. And well, she didn't want to do that either.

She took a breath and let it out again, taking a moment before she let herself lean toward him a bit, her head on his shoulder before she could think too much about it. She wouldn't stay in that spot long. After all it would only make her neck stiff along with her back being sore. "It's fine. You don't have to be so careful."

Roo:

The truth was that Roo felt a bit like he was experiencing a dream. A strange dream he didn't even realize he wanted to come true--like the magical town dreams. And one wrong move would have them waking up and going back to the way things had been with all the bickering and whatever.

He scooted a bit closer to support her as she leaned on him, smiling. "Sorry, Princess. I'll try to remember that. "  He tightened his arm around her shoulders and pressed a quick, tentative kiss to her temple. "And I can't say I'm sorry to hear that. I mean I mostly don't want this to be harder for you than it has to be, you've dealt with enough. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little relieved to know that I probably won't ever be in the book ...since school is out in a few weeks and you're all graduating."

Ashley:

It was stupid how nice it was to be held. Maybe it felt even better for Ashley because she hadn't been held by anyone else in what felt like weeks. Or even months probably. So sure it probably was too soft, and she probably shouldn't, but she let herself lean into Roo and enjoy the comfort that he was sort of offering.

"Yeah. You don't have anything to worry about. Thankfully. I don't...it's difficult enough without that. We're having an actual baby."

Roo:

Roo was surprised at how nice it was to be holding Ashley. After all of these weeks of frustration and anger and awkwardness, he'd truly thought he'd moved on. But now, in this moment, everything felt at peace between them. And he liked it.

He grinned. "That's true. We are having a baby—which still blows my mind, by the way." He shook his head, glancing down to see her leaning against him, a sudden wish to kiss her again flittering to the front of his mind. His free hand reached over to brush his thumb across her cheek. "And no matter how many times I think I'm about to wake up from this crazy dream," he said softly, "I realize we're really here, doing this thing. Together. You know?"

Ashley:

Ashley hummed, letting her head rest on his shoulder for just a moment. It was a moment, but it felt nice to not have the weight of the world solely on her shoulders. She shouldn't get used to it, but she did like it.

"I know. It's mad." Ashley couldn't wrap her head around it most of the time. Especially since it was Roo. And they had had an up and down relationship since they'd met. "I'm afraid to get used to this. I feel...I don't know. A part of me wants to get the hell out of here. but the other part just wants to enjoy it."

Roo:

Roo snorted, chuckling quietly. "I understand that feeling. Part of me says to stop while I'm ahead, before anything else can happen. But the other part of me really just wants to live in this moment."

He sighed. He knew he was being foolish and romantic, but this was Ashley. The mother of their baby, who he actually liked in spite of his better judgement.  "But I also get that we're young and anything could happen. Oh, and then there's the fact that its us and we're just kind of chaotic by nature so—" he shrugged with a crooked smile.

Ashley:

Ashley understood that completely. Maybe it would be better to cut it off here before something went wrong. It was almost too good after all. "Yeah..."

She couldn't help but snort. "We're chaotic by nature and I am extremely hormonal. I don't expect it to be any easier as time goes by. In fact I imagine it to be worse.'

Roo:

"Maybe." He shrugged. "But anything worth having is worth working for, right? I think with practice and if we actually decide that we want things to work out between us, it might not be quite so bad."

His grin shifted, becoming positively roguish. "Besides, I'm extremely stubborn and have never been scared off by your hormones or whatever you want to call it."

Ashley:

"Hmm....the verdict's still out on that." Ashley wasn't sure whether things should work between them. They were so different after all. And a part of her wondered if the baby was the only real reason they were still drawn to each other. Outrageous maybe, but it was a concern too. Were they really so into each other? Or did the pressures of it bring them closer?

Ashley shrugged that thought off. There'd be more time to worry about that eventually. "Okay but even I don't know what the pregnancy hormones will do to me. I could be even more volatile Roo. You sure about this?"

Roo:

Roo shrugged. "What would it say about my character if I said no? I won't run away just because things get hard. Besides," he leveled his steady gaze at her, leaning a bit closer until his face was but inches away from hers.

Things had been rough between them from the beginning and he'd honestly given up hope of anything changing—until about an hour ago. But now he was starting to wonder if their differences could possibly be their strength?

"I actually do like you," he murmured, "You know?" And he pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

Ashley:

This was stupid. It was stupid, and she knew it but she also...well. Ashley was only human, and it was nice to have someone care about her. Much as she loved her girls, she didn't know how to talk about this stuff with them. Roo kind of had to know.

"Yeah..." Ashley replied softly, wrapping an arm around him as she leaned in to return the kiss. And then snatch another one, because Ashley was nothing if not an opportunist. "I should leave before we end up fighting again."

Roo:

Roo chuckled, gently kissing her forehead before pulling away. "That—is probably a good idea. We should definitely stop while we're ahead." He scrambled up and offered her his hand. "But I won't deny that this is nice."

Ashley:

"See? That's good thinking." Ashley felt like this moment was something to preserve. At least to save as something that was nice. That had felt nice. Without letting anything taint it, or her social life or opinions mess with it.

She accepted the hand offered and got to her feet. "It was lovely. Now I'm going to head out and I'll see you sometime next week. Try not to miss me too much," she suggested with a teasing grin.

[bacon-scented]

A Tree Bros Story

❌ Warning: Suicide and Self Harm ❌

☆☆☆

I can remember the first day we planted that tree in our backyard. It was a spruce tree about 13 ft tall that I had gotten for my 10th birthday. I was ecstatic and Connor was pleased with how much I liked it. He had called the spruce " Leafy Baby". He would come to our house after school everyday to check on it.

☆☆☆

I can remember the first time I had fallen from the tree. It was about 15ft at the time and I was 12? I was crying so loudly. Connor heard from next door and literally climbed the fence to help me. He held me close to him with an ice pack to my bruise, he kept on caressing my face, and whispered it's okay the whole time. One of the only times in my life where I truly felt safe.\

☆☆☆

I remember the time that Connor had confessed to me. We were sitting underneath the shade and talking about life. We had just started 10th grade. It was chill and I couldn't ask for more. It suddenly got to the topic of crushes. I was obviously too scared to share mine but Connor didn't mind. He started describing his. I can remember his exact words.

"Well, my crush is amazing. His eyes are an icy blue and have so much emotion. His hair is a sandy brown and it is just so beautiful.. I can't even put it into words."

My heart started beating ten times faster. It sounded a lot like me but, I couldn't believe it. This man, this handsome beautiful man, was talking about me? It just didn't seem plausible.

"I don't know where to begin about his personality. He's so kind and caring to everyone. He just puts a smile on everyone's face. But, there's one thing I quite dislike about him."

My face flushed. I was about to speak up when he said:

"His insecurities. He's so beautiful in my eyes. I don't understand why he could hate himself."

"Connie.. Are you talking about me?" He looked away, his face tinted a light pink, and nodded. A small grin was plastered onto my face, I leaned over and it placed a small kiss onto his cheek. We cuddled at the base of tree for the rest of the day.

☆☆☆

I remember our first date. It was quite awkward considering it was at my house. We had set up a small picnic under our glorious spruce. "Hey." Connor said, lightly chewing a ham sandwich he had packed.

"Yeah?" I looked over at him. His stare was focused and content. "Do you remember what I called this tree?" I smiled at him. "Yeah! You named it "Leafy Baby"! How could I forget?"

He laughed. "Well, I guess we can call it "Our Leafy Baby." It was my turn to laugh. I stopped giggling and leaned onto his shoulder. "I love you."

"Me too, Ev, me too."

☆☆☆

I remember our first fight. It of course, like many of the other stories, happened under the tree. Me and Connor had been dating for a year, doing the usual, sitting in the shade and quietly talking amongst themselves.

"Jesus Christ. It's hella hot out here." Connor fanned at himself, and Evan giggled. "You know.. you could just take off your jacket." Evan continued giggling until he noticed Connor's face. He looked scared a bit. He nudged Connor.

"You alright?" He looked over at me, and immediately faked a smile. I didn't acknowledge it, but I knew. He was hiding something.

"It's nothing." His voice was stern, a little too stern. He slipped off his jacket and placed it on the ground. He was gorgeous. His somewhat existent muscles were showing through the shirt. For a second, all of my suspicion washed away. Until, I noticed something. There was a scar peeking out from under his long sleeve. It looked new, like it had only sealed up 2 days ago.

"Connie, if you're really hot, you could just roll up your sleeves. It's not that difficult."

His face grew anxious and he started twirling his hair, a key giveaway that he was nervous.

"Uh.. okay.."

He slowly rolled up his sleeve and it showed scars. Cutting scars. They were everywhere. Some looked brand new, still pink and leaking blood. Others were healed up and puffy.

Evan definitely didn't expect this. He thought Connor was happy. Just seeing the cuts on his lover's arm made him want to cry. So he did. He couldn't speak words to address how upset he was. He covered his mouth to muffle his cries and curled up into a ball.

Connor looked mortified. He pulled Evan close and caressed his face.

"Hey. It's okay babe. It's just a couple of cuts, no big deal."

"It's n-not just a few c-cuts!" Even managed to squeak out between sobs. His bawling had gotten louder and he was squeezing Connor like his life had depended on it.

"I'm sorry! I thought you wouldn't care!"

Evan looked at up Connor. His face was wet with tears and his nose had become a snot waterfall.

"W-why would I not c-care!" Evan screamed at the top of his lungs, tears rolling down his cheeks harder now.

"I- I'm gonna go, Ev..."

I can remember crying a lot that day. Who wouldn't? A person who was perfect in your eyes was suffering and you didn't know how to help. I'm pretty sure you would cry to.

☆☆☆

I remember the day I found a note pinned to the the tree. I was definitely surprised to find the note on the tree, but this other feeling was hiding in the back of my head.

I hadn't been able to get in contact in contact with Connor for the past few weeks. Maybe this was his way of getting into contact with me. This wouldn't be that weird, considering he prefers emails over text.

But I knew something was wrong , I just didn't want to admit it. I carefully pulled the letter off the tree and something just flipped inside of me. The letter was warped from tear stains and it smelled lightly of weed. Oh no...

Hey Ev. This must be a bit weird but, just know I love you so much. None of this is your fault and you were one of the best things in my life. But it's too hard now. And I just wasn't strong enough to keep fighting. I love you. Goodbye.

Sincerely, Connor Murphy

No.. this can't be happening... Adrenaline kicked and the next thing I knew, I was banging on Connor's front door. Zoe opened up the door.

"Hey.. What's wrong, you look like you just saw a dead body." I took a deep breath and started to speak.

"W-where is Connor?" My voice was shaky and everything was just kinda blurry.

"He's in his roo-" I pushed past Zoe and ran up the steps to Connor's room. His door was tilted open and I peeked into the crack. Oh no...

H-he wasn't there... I ran in and noticed the burning smell of weed entering my nose. I frantically searched his drawers for something, anything. I yelped, something had pricked my fingers. I reached in and pulled out a blade, a bit rusted from blood. I thought he had thrown it away.

I looked over at his bed, there was a note, messily written, telling his family that he was sorry.

No.. no, this can't be real. This is just a bad dream. I kept telling myself, reading over the note.

"Is everything okay, Evan?" Zoe asked peeking her head into the room. I wailed and handed the note Zoe. Her eyes grew wide and she covered her mouth in shock.

"Where else would he be?"

"Can you drive me to the park?"

Evan jumped out of the SUV and dashed towards the park forest entrance. He frantically darted off trail. He was probably at their secret spot. He didn't even care about the stinging of running through the bushes, he needed to hurry.

He finally caught sight of their favorite tree and his boyfriend lying down at the base of the tree. Connor was barely conscious, pills spilled around him. Evan bawled out, unhappy to see his boyfriend in so much pain, but happy he was still alive. Evan pulled his lover into a tight hug and kissed his forehead. He pulled out his phone, fumbling with it, before dialing 911. "You'll be okay, Connor..." Evan forced a smile, petting his head.

Connor was pronounced dead in the hospital 5 hours later.

☆☆☆

I stared down and the ground below me, sitting on the top branch of my spruce. I was about 40 maybe 50 feet above the ground. I sighed and stared at the sunset, it was beautiful. I wiped the tears away from my eyes and stared back at the ground.

"I'll be with you soon, Connie."

And... I let go.

[iamvegorott]

Broken Hardware Chapter 3

Love The Robot

“So, I’ve noticed that you and Micro are getting along very well, my little Bingy-boy.” Wilford said in a teasing tone as he joined Bing on the couch.

“We’re friends.” Bing said, not catching what Wilford was implying.

“Friends that are always by each other’s side every single day for three weeks.” Wilford sang, making Bing finally get it.

“You and Dark are together a lot.” Bing protested.

“But do me and Dark sleep in the same room every night? Are we always touchy-feely? And neither of us keep trying to come up with excuses to be with the other alone.” Wilford started slapping Bing’s shoulder. “Just admit that you’re dating!”

“We’re not! I mean...I don’t think, I…” Bing curled up. “I don’t know.”

“How do you not know, man!?” Wilford took Bing by the shoulders and shook him. “Give that robot some love!”

“Am I missing something?” Micro asked as he stepped back into the room.

“Nothing at all! I’m just simply giving my pal some words of advice.” Wilford clapped a dizzy Bing on the shoulders before getting up. “Make sure to do what I said.” He added with a wink and left the two alone.

“What was Wilford telling you to do?” Micro asked as he handed Bing a can of soda.

“N-Nothing.” Bing stuttered, hand shaking a little as he attempted to open the can.

“Are you sure? Because I thought I heard him shout ‘give that robot some love’.” Micro sat next to Bing, he sat very close to Bing. Bing let out a few sounds and he dropped his soda, very grateful he hadn’t managed to open it.

“He was just teasing.” Bing weakly laughed.

“Was he?” Micro placed his own soda on the ground and moved even closer to Bing. Bing wasn’t able to form words and he just nodded. “I think he was making a good point.” Micro placed a hand on Bing’s thigh and he leaned forward. “Maybe I should give a robot some love.” Bing’s eyes went wide as Micro held his chin and was only inches away from him. “Shouldn’t I?” Micro whispered and tilted Bing's head up, giving him a kiss, a little spark went against Bing’s lips. “Nothing more than just an innocent kiss, right?” Micro asked when they parted. “Although, when is anything ever innocent in this house?” Bing put his hands on Micro’s chest to prevent him from giving him another kiss. “Aw, is my little Bingy flustered?” Bing just let out a squeal and hid his face in Micro’s chest. “How adorable.” Micro chuckled with a very large smile on his face and resting his arms on Bing, one went to his head and the other was on his upper arm. Bing could feel his body heating up and feeling Micro’s hands on his skin made him even warmer and as if he was being shocked gently. It was a great feeling.  

“Called it!” Wilford’s shout made Bing yelp and fall off of the couch while Micro stayed on, looking irritated that the moment was ruined. “Isn’t this just the sweetest thing ever!” Wilford picked Bing up from the ground and gave him a tight hug. “My little Bingy-boy is growing up!”

“Wil, creaking.” Bing said when he was getting hugged too tightly. “Wil! Creaking!” He repeated a little louder to get the madman’s attention.

“Oops. Sorry, chap.” Wilford chuckled and placed Bing back on the ground. “I got a little excited.”

“I think you popped a socket out of placed.” Bing laughed, rubbing his shoulder and soon a loud crack came out of him. “There, better.”

“Again, sorry about that.” Wilford chuckled. “Now, I have to go tell everyone that I was right! Dark owes me twenty smack-a-roos!” He laughed as he walked away.

“Tell everyone that he was right?” Bing let out a sound, realizing that everyone was placing bets or making comments about him and Micro, was he really the only one that didn’t see it?

“Are you okay?” Micro asked, standing up and running his hands along Bing’s shoulder, making sure everything was in proper place. Bing let out a little yip when something caused a shiver to go down his spine. “Did that hurt? Are you hurt?” Micro’s voice was tense as if he was ready to fight.

“I’m fine. Just some static electricity.” Bing watched as Micro continued to rub his shoulder and arm, his stomach tightening.

“He could have hurt you and didn't even think twice about it.” Micro huffed.

“Wil just forgets about his strength, sometimes.” Bing chuckled weakly.

“He claims to care for you and then tries to cause you harm. What kind of a friend does that?” Micro was now holding Bing’s hand and the other stayed on his shoulder.

“Wil’s a great friend. He’s just eccentric like me.” Bing protested.

“There’s a difference between being eccentric and being a bad friend.” Micro’s grip got a little stronger.

“Wil’s not a bad friend.” Bing felt some doubt filling him.

“Is that why he’s been talking about us behind our backs?” Micro rested his chin on Bing’s shoulder, moving the hand that had been there and placing it against Bing’s chest.

“He just...he…” Bing looked down at the ground. Why would Wilford talk about him like that? They were friends, weren’t they? Why wouldn’t he just talk to him?

“I just don’t want you to get hurt. I care for you my little Bingy. I really do.” Micro moved the hand that was on Bing’s chest and used it to cup Bing’s cheek, turning him towards the other search engine.

“You do?” Bing has heard that endless times from the couples at the park, Hearing that they care for each other and those words always made Bing realize that there was an empty feeling in him because he never had someone say that to him and here it is. Micro cared for him.

“Of course.” Micro smiled. “You took me in and made sure that I was safe these past few weeks and now it’s my turn.” Micro gave Bing a quick kiss. “I’ll keep you safe, Bing.” Micro whispered and leaned back in, kissing Bing deeper this time. Bing felt something against his lips, it must be that ‘spark’ those romance novels talk about.

“Hey, lovebirds!” Anti greeted with a laugh. “I need you to hold these.” Anti tossed something to Bing and he caught them.

“Glasses?” Micro asked.

“Anti!” Bing yelped when he heard Dark’s voice and he quickly dropped the glasses. “Where are my glasses?” Dark asked, going up to Anti.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Anti sang, rocking on his feet and holding his hands behind his back.

“I know you took them.” Dark grabbed Anti’s arms and Anti moved them in front of himself, showing that his hands were empty.

“I would never take your glasses, that’s just cruel.” Anti pouted out his lower lip, giggling when Dark yanked him in close. Bing looked away and rubbed his neck, he wasn’t able to leave since Dark and Anti blocked the exit.

“You’re misbehaving. You know what happens when you misbehave.” Dark slipped a hand under the back of Anti’s shirt.

“Why don’t you show me?” Anti slipped out of Dark’s hold and started walking away, laughing when Dark slapped his rear. “Careful Darky-baby, we have company.” Anti gestured with a thumb before skipping away.

“Oh.” Dark adjusted his suit jacket and looked at Micro and Bing. Bing was awkwardly shifting on his feet and Micro had a straight face. “Apologies.”

“We have your glasses.” Micro picked them up and tossed them to Dark. “He did have them.” He added with a wink.

“I see. Thank you and congratulations. Wilford filled me in but you are still to do your jobs, understood?”

“Yes, sir.” Micro saluted while Bing just nodded.

“Good. I’ll see you later then.” Dark calmly walked out of the room.

“Now, where were we?” Micro chuckled before grabbing Bing’s face and pulling him in for a kiss.

[a-pretty-nerd]

Imagine: Part 3 (Jasper Jordan x pregnant reader)

A/N: Yeah, yeah, I know part 2 was slow and not really about Jasper and reader but mostly about reader. But it’s about to get real!

Warning: Cursing, violence, ansgt, etc.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You woke up, in a hospital. Or, what looked like a hospital. A plain white room, with random art hung up on the walls. Your blury vision couldn’t really make it out. You slowly looked around the room, over to the machines which beeped at your heart beat. You ground, as the worst head ache you would ever have in your life ragged through your skull. You tried to sit up, but it was worse. You layed back down hoping it would go away. You hid your head between the sheets, in the darkness where the light couldn’t bother you. The loud sound of a door creeking open, and shutting closed drew your attention. You looked up to fine two people standing at the end of your bed.

“Ms. Y/L/N.” A woman with a clipboard spoke.

“How do you know my name?” You squeaked.

“Your friends told us.” The other, a man in a suit replied. You’d never seen people dressed so nice, and yet so, worn.

“My friends? Where are they? Are they okay? Wheres Jasper and Monty?” You spoke fluidly, quickly. Like the words were fired out of your mouth rather that spoken. The machine’s beeping increased as your heart rate did. Fear circulating through you.

“Be still. They’re alright. Worried about you, in fact.” The woman spoke, looking down at her clip board.

“I want to see them.”

“Relax, Y/N. We have some…news for you first.” The man’s voice was long, and drawn out. He made you uneasy.

“Y/N, I’m assuming you’re sexually active?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess. Why?” The woman licked her lips, and tried not to look at you. Tried to keep her eyes on her papers.

“Y/N, we ran some tests. You’re pregnant.” The word almost didn’t register. Pregnant. For a moment you forgot the meaning. Pregnant, as in, with child. As in, there was the beginnings of a human being inside of you.

“H-How do you know that?” You questioned, still a little in shock.

“You’ve been out of it for at least a week. At first we thought you were ill, that your body was reacting to the gas that knocked you and your friends out. Today, we tried a blood test to see what was wrong. It came back positive.” Her voice was low, and blunt.

“Blood test?” You looked around the room again, with better vision this time. It wasn’t like anything you’d seen before. “Where am I?”

“Mt. Weather.” The man welcomed you. There was a paused, and thoughts ran through your head rappid fire. “We’ve brought you some clothes, when you’re ready. We’ll take you to your friends. Dr. Tsing will discuss your predicament with your further. He spun on his heel, and left the roo. Leaving you with said Doctor.

"If times were different I would offer you options. But I’m afraid you don’t have many.” She spoke gravley.

“What are they?” You knew who the father was. There was no question. It couldn’t possibly be anyone else. It couldn’t possibly be Damian’s. Oh god…Damian. What were you going to tell Damian? Did you even have to tell him? I mean, what if you just got rid of it. Everything would go back to normal and be okay then, right?

“I’m afraid, a procedure to exterminate the pregnancy, would be too risky. We do not have the proper tools to preform a successful abortion. We have tried with our own people. 8 out of every ten women either die in the proccess, or become sterile as a result.” Shit.

“So…”

“You’re only a few days pregnant. Perhaps there is hope that you could misscary or, if you deliver here, we could take the child off of your hands.” Deliver here, as in, stay there for all 9 months? Where the hell even was here? Why was she being so…nice? “For now, I can give you some vitamins. It provides proteins, and vitamins we would otherwise be void of. Important vitamines for fetal development.” She hands you a bottle of pills that make a loud ‘shlk shlk’ sound when you move it. “Get yourseld dressed. Your friends are waiting for you.” She leaves you alone with a pile of clothes. She leaves you alone with your thoughts. The first thing you do, is break down crying. You were stuck like this. You didn’t know what to do. After a while of sitting there drowning in your tears, you stood up. You felt weak, and uneasy. You dressed yourself in this little purple dress. You couldn’t remember the last time you wore something like this, or if you ever had in the first place. You felt, weird to say the least.

Once you were ready, the man guided you down the hall ways of this bunker. One, huge bunkers. You noted the walls made of concrete and visible pipes on the ceiling and walls. Soon, you found yourself standinf in the dinning hall, frantically search for a familiar face. For someone, anyone. Even Jasper at this point would have been a comfort.

“Y/N!” Speak of the devil. You turned, just in time as Jasper’s arms tightly wrapped around you in a bear hug.

“Jasper!” You squealed. Your stomach dropped, and a wave of nervousness came over you. You looked into his eyes, and noted. He’s the one who got you pregnant. You’re carrying, his child. Jasper’s baby.

“Oh thank god.” Monty swooped in from behind Jasper and hugged you once Jasper stood aside.

“Baby! Are you alright? They wouldn’t let us see you! I was so worried!” The frantic voice of Damian came through along with his tight grasp. He planted little kisses all over you, as if proving to himself that you were really there. It made you giggle a little.

“I’m fine.” You lied.

“Look who it is!” Harper and Miller greeted you, and for once you couldn’t be happier to see all their faces at once.

“What happened? Where exactly are we?” You were given a map of Mt. Weather. Given the run down. Jasper excitedly listed off all the amazing things about the place. That day, for the first time ever, you had a true meal. Real food, pie and cake even! Clarke however, didnt seem too impressed. You tried not to think about your news too much. Tried to think about anything but. Like, how good the food was, or how nice the people were to you. How, Clarke was losing her mind. You and Jasper tried to calm her down. But to a certain point, she was right. Something was fishy about this place.

And yet even with so many questions still unanswered, and so much confusion. There was still, something you needed to address. You couldn’t just keep your pregnancy a secret. You couldn’t just, not tell anyone. Someone had to know, just in case something happened. And after all, Jasper was the father. He of all people should be the first to know. Maybe, it would even help your relationship a little. Some part of you hoped that maybe, the pregnancy would be a good thing. Maybe, Jasper would fall for you, like you did him. Maybe everything would be, okay.

“Hey, Jasper.” You approached him, your cheeks a bright pink. You were so nervous. He turned, and looked at you with that goofy smile you’d fallen for a thousand times.

“Yeah?” He asked, his eyes glancing from you, and this girl standing in front of him. You felt bad for a moment that you were interupting their conversation.

“Can I talk to you, in private?” You asked sheepishly. He looked back at the girl.

“Excuse me.” He apologized, and walked with you out into a secluded part of a hallway. “Whats up Y/N?”

“Uh, nothing, well-actually-” You stubbled through your words.

“Are you feeling okay? You look pale.” You were shaking you were so nervous. “You’re not sick are you? Maya says theres a wicked case of the flu going around here. Better be careful.”

“Maya?” You asked.

“Yeah, that girl I was talking to. She’s supper cute isn’t she? I think I’m gonna go for it.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, and leaned against the wall. He seemed excited. He was smiling, clearly happy. Content. Maya, made him happy. Your heart dropped. You started doubting yourself. You stared at him, before shaking yourself out of your heart broken haze.

“Y-Yeah she seems…sweet.” You spoke through gritted teeth. That spark in his eyes when he talked about her. It tore you apart.

“She is. Uh. What did you want to talk to me about?” You shook your head. Trying not to let tears fall.

“Nothing. Um…just that…I found a cool board game…in one of the social halls. I though maybe a couple of us could hang out and…play.” You fabricated a lie.

“Oh. Uh. Maybe another time?” You nodded, and let him walk back to Maya. You turned, and walked away. For each step, and tear fell down your cheek. Fuck. You couldn’t tell him. You bring yourself to tell him. And its not like you could try and play it off as Damian’s! You’d never had sex! A-And you can’t tell Damian.

“Y/N?” Monty caught you, curled up in a ball sobbing in a top bunk. Trying to hide from, everything. “Hey, whats wrong?” He reached out an arm and rubbed your shoulder. You wiped away your tears, and looked at him. Red eyes, flushed cheeks, and a wet nose. You couldn’t bring yourself to reply. “Y/N. Come on. I’m one of your best friends, you can tell me anything! Did…did someone hurt you?” You shook your head. “Whats going on.” You didn’t want to open your mouth. You knew if you did, tears would just start falling again. You hopped down from the bunk, and reached under the mattress to pull out the bottle of vitamins. He curiously looked at the hand writtwn label, and his head snapped up at you. “Prenatal vitamins?” His eyes were wide. “Y/N…you’re…” You nodded slowly, holding yourself. He wrapped his arms around you tightly, trying his best to comfort you. “It’s not Damian’s, is it?” He whispered in your ear. You shook your head. He slowly pulled away, holding you by your shoulders. “Who’s?” Your eyes darted from his, the floor. It took him a moment, but something clicked. “Oh god…Jasper?” You nodded, and the tears started flowing again. “Oh no no no don’t cry!” He held you again.

“Don’t tell him Monty. Please.” You begged between sobs. “H-He can’t know.”

“Why? He got you into this mess.”

“Monty, you don’t understand. If you tell him, i-it’ll ruin his chances with Maya.” You just wanted Jasper to be happy. Seeing that smile on his face, you couldn’t do that to him. You couldn’t dare break that.

“Y/N…” Monty’s chest sunk in a sigh.

[httpsung]

baby, there’s a shark in the water pt. 3 (final)

pairing: reader x young k x wonpil x sungjin x jina (oc)

genre: angst

word count: 5,431

previous: pt.1 | pt.2

note: i want to thank everyone who has left comments and supported this mini series. this was intially suppose to be a one-shot but you guys kept me motivated and also inspired me to make it longer. sadly this is the finale and I hope you guys will still enjoy this last piece, happy reading!

It was like he vanished into thin air. No one knew where Brian Kang had disappeared to, not even the teachers. There were rumors of him being expelled and harsh words that he might have been locked up. All which made you worry like crazy, it hurt your heart knowing that you were the last person to see him. 

You thought that everything would be okay and considered talking your mom into letting him stay a little longer until he could figure something out, she had never become so fond of one of your friends so quickly, it was like she fell in love when he smiled and soon she would start preaching wedding plans which you’d have to turn down. Your mom was that kind of parent, willing to set you up with any nice young man she liked.

A week had passed, things were alright with Wonpil and the two of you ate lunch on the rooftop again, occasionally joined by Dowoon who didn’t speak much but his presence was nice to have around. You didn’t bother asking about Sungjin especially when Wonpil didn’t bring him up, he seemed to be over the issues with him and maybe that was for the best. It was sad, however, that a long-term friendship had come to this.

“Are you alright Y/n…?” Wonpil nudged you playfully. You caught on to the end of his and Dowoon’s laughter, zoning out on the joke that was made. You were too busy thinking about Brian. “Oh, I’m fine!” You smiled and nudged him back, taking a bite of the meal your mom made you last night.

“Good.” Wonpil smiled and used his chopsticks to snag a bit of your food.

“Kim Wonpil!” You shouted and gave him a frown, causing Dowoon to snort at the situation. Wonpil placed the piece of shrimp in his mouth with an innocent expression you couldn’t stay mad at for long.

“You jerk.” You muttered trying not to smile back. Wonpil draped his arm around your shoulder.

“I’m sorry Y/n, you can have some of mine.” He offered and you graciously accepted taking more from his lunch box than he expected.

“Hey!” He exclaimed and you laughed with a shrug as you ate his food.

When lunch was over you saw a familiar figure who had everyone stopping to stare. “Brian…?” You called out his name and he turned around. You felt relief at seeing him safe but all the worrying you had done rose to the surface. You frowned as you marched up to him to everyone’s surprise. “Where have you been?! Do you know how worried I was?”

You completely ignored the students around you, forgetting that Wonpil and Dowoon were right behind you.

“Calm down… I’m fine Y/n. I moved in with my aunt and I will be staying with her from now on, she lives near here...” He responded hoping that would ease your mind.

“You could have called me!” You bickered, making him raise his brow. “Well, I don’t have your number!” Brian argued back with you, but there was a smile ready to dance across his lips. Your lips formed a pout, a habit when you were slightly upset. You gave Brian a light shove and he placed his hand on top of your head.

“If you’re so concerned about me, I’ll give you my number next time so you can keep tabs. I have to get to class now.” He laughed as he walked away. His comment had your face flushing and you realized that you had put on a scene in front of your whispering peers.

You turned around to your friends, ready to apologize but noticed Wonpil had gone on ahead leaving Dowoon to stare at you with a grin.

“What’s that look for?” You questioned him with a tilt of your head. Dowoon shook his head and walked past you, his silence had you curious as you followed him.

Wonpil:

Everything seemed to be slowly getting back on track after he got over his cold. Wonpil felt great about his return to school though he dreaded the math work he had to catch up on. He was no longer going to let himself worry about Sungjin, a weight lifting off his chest when he stopped all thoughts about the other male. He found himself speaking to Dowoon more often, even though the boy was more of the silent type, occasionally the two would share a few jokes and talk about music. Wonpil felt glad that he was talking with Y/n again, just a little time without her made his heart feel sick. On this day, he enjoyed his time on the rooftop eating lunch with her and Dowoon and afterward the three headed back to class.

Y/n who had been walking slightly ahead of him and Dowoon froze suddenly which made his eyes wander to who she was staring at. It was Brian Kang who had been missing for a week. He heard rumors about the male getting kicked out of school or worse and he didn’t know what to believe. There were students who ogled him as always, but what surprised Wonpil the most was Y/n, and how she approached him so confidently, nagging him as if they had known each other forever.

Wonpil watched the two an odd feeling rising inside him that he didn’t like.

“They’re cute together, hm?” A voice crept up behind him and then he felt an arm drape around his shoulder. Wonpil looked to his left to see Y/n’s friends. Roo and Alice, both with their eyes on her and Brian.

“You’re right Roo, I think they’re adorable.” Alice giggled as she rocked back and forth on her heels. Roo removed her arm from around Wonpil and gave him a pat on the back before she walked away with Alice following. It was like the two were trying to make a point though he wasn’t quite sure what. Wonpil was sure however that he didn’t want to watch Y/n and Brian interact any longer so he went on to class ahead, giving a slight wave good bye to Dowoon.

In class, he rested his head on his desk not noticing if Y/n had entered the room or not. Seconds later he heard his teacher’s voice which made him raise his head, peeking back at his friend who was now in her seat. Wonpil’s eyes lingered on her while she got out her book, those feelings that he called himself switching off before were definitely on again.

Jina:

“I can’t believe her… why is she talking to Brian all of a sudden?!” Her voice became higher pitched when she was angry and she couldn’t control it. She noticed the face of her best friend who tried to conceal his laughter which only added fuel to the fire. Jae had always been there to listen to her when she needed to get things off her chest though sometimes she thought he couldn’t be helpful at all.

Jina knew she should have been in class but right now she wasn’t up to seeing a certain person’s face and that person was Y/n. She never had an issue with her until recently. Not until she realized that the guy she had been in love with for the last year has a thing for her. Brian Kang hardly showed his interest in girls and she was one of those unlucky few no matter how hard she tried but the way he looked at Y/n, the fact that he actually spoke to the girl let her know that he finally found someone to steal his heart.

Brian Kang was that tough guy and the kind of guy she was most attracted to, she couldn’t keep her eyes off him whenever he was near and hoped for the day where his eyes would only look at her. 

“She’s not even cute I don’t get it!” Jina ran her fingers through her hair in frustration as she paced back and forth. Jae constantly glanced from his phone to her as she spoke.

Her heart raced, anger seeping from her mouth and her eyes welled with tears. She tried so hard with Brian only for him to ignore her every time. Jina gripped her head as she thought back to the time where he helped her out one night. Brian got into a fight over her behalf, saving her from a bunch of guys who hung around the park near by, late at night. She was only there to get away for a while when they approached her trying to sway her into leaving with them. Brian was there to tell them to go away and when they didn’t he took the first swing, protecting her, making her fall in love with him right then.

After that night, it was like Brian didn’t know she existed and over time it was slowly killing her.

“Jina…” Jae sighed as he pulled her toward him gently, removing her hands from her head. He knew she would start pulling out her hair next if he didn’t stop her.

“You should probably stop chasing after a guy like him, just focus on Sungjin at least he’s sweet,” Jae advised.

“Sungjin’s weak… I only see him when I’m in need, I don’t want him for anything else.” She said bluntly.

“If you keep chasing after a guy who doesn’t even care about your presence you’ll continue being miserable,” Jae said sternly. This was one of those times where he wasn’t going to be much help.

“Shut up!” She yelled at him and hurried away. Jina pulled out her phone to text Sungjin. She was hurting and needed a quick fix to make her feel better again.

Meet me in the music room now.

Sungjin:

Sungjin stood between bookshelves in the library, flipping through crisp pages of a book he had been interested in checking out for some time now. He knew it would be returned today so he made sure to pick it up before anyone else could snag it and make him wait another week. He felt his pants vibrate signaling that he had received a new text message. His eyes widened slightly at the sender, it was Jina who never asked to meet with him on school grounds, their affairs always began after school was over.

Meet me in the music room now.

Sungjin’s lips curled slightly at the corners, her message came off as a bit demanding but he was happy to comply.

I’m on my way.

“Excuse me…” A light voice tore his gaze away from his phone. It was a girl whom he had seen around before if he wasn’t mistaken she was friends with Y/n and her name started with an A.

“Yes…?” Sungjin answered, locking eyes with her.

“I was wondering if you could help me find this book… it’s called The Rest of Us Just Live Here,” She said. Sungjin glanced from her bright eyes to the book in his hand. “Ah well…” He started to speak, she was asking to find the book he had finally got a hold of.

“Here…” Sungjin handed the book over to her.

“Oh!” She exclaimed taking the book from his hands. “Are you sure? You can keep it since you got to it first, I don’t mind waiting.” She gave him a smile that was so beautiful he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to look away. Sungjin smiled in return and nodded his head.

“I’m sure.” He chuckled. “I’ve been waiting so long to read this I don’t mind waiting a little longer.” He added.

“Thank you, you’re sweet um…?” She stared at him as if she was waiting for a name which he responded immediately.

“Sungjin… I’m Sungjin.” He said.

“Alice… when I’m done Sungjin I’ll hand it over to you personally. And maybe we can talk about it afterward?!” Alice asked excitedly which made him laugh and nod once more. She was cute.

“Sure thing,” Sungjin replied as he turned to walk away with a wave.  Alice gave him a wave before she hurried off to check out the book, his eyes lingering after her a few seconds longer.

Sungjin arrived at the music room which was usually empty for the rest of the day at this time. He opened the door and entered quickly, switching on the light and pulling down the door shade. He thought Jina would have been there before him but while he waited he decided to sit at the piano and play a little.

Sungjin played a song he had been practicing since he was a kid, waiting and stopping when he heard a light tap on the door. It opened and Jina stepped through the threshold, shutting the door quickly and locking it behind her.

“Hey…” Sungjin smiled as he watched her saunter over to him. She bent down to kiss his lips harshly. He kissed her back, eyes catching tear stains on her cheeks making him pull away.

“Have you been crying…? What’s wrong…?” He asked.

Jina sat on top of the piano, pulling Sungjin to stand up in front of her. “Nothing…” She answered and grabbed his collar pulling him into a kiss, drawing him in between her legs.

Sungjin moaned into the kiss while her hands worked at his zipper, but before she could get any further he pulled away again.

“Jina…” He said her name calmly as she caressed his cheek. “Have you been crying over someone else…? Are you in love with someone?” He asked, watching her eyes widen for a second, her head shaking.

“No…” She replied, her lips moving to his neck, fingers unbuckling his belt.

“Okay…” Sungjin gave a faint smile. 

Liar. He knew she was lying, he saw that in her expression and though he thought he could carry on and wait for her to love him Sungjin knew in his heart that he couldn’t do it anymore.

This would be the last time their bodies would ever meet like this. No more touches, no more kisses.

Brian:

Life had been looking up for him, for once he felt good as he walked down the halls of the school. People still stepped to the side of course but not as many as before. He heard whispers that he seemed different that he was not as scary as he used to be. His appearance didn’t change, no, but maybe it was his aura that didn’t seem so dark anymore. How could it remain drab when he had such a beautiful light in his life? That night when he sat on the swing and thought his life couldn’t reach another low after the fight with his dad, she showed up and her help was all he needed.

He felt nervous as he stepped into Y/n’s home, meeting her mother who allowed him a spot on the couch. He watched her with her mom feeling happy instead of envious that she had such a good relationship with her parent. It had him thinking he could have the same support if he just answered one call.

Brian had an aunt not too far away, the next best person besides his mother who moved away a few years back. His aunt was the sister of his criminal father but she was a better person that he would ever be, offering him a place with her many times before which he never accepted. That night as he laid on Y/n’s couch he gave her a call, eyes welling with tears as he finally agreed to move in and accept the love he’s always needed.

None of this would have happened if it weren’t for Y/n. She didn’t know it but she was definitely the one knocking down the negativity he relished in and letting the positivity shine through.

When he saw her after school the day he returned he gave her his kakao id, smiling at her blushing face and lack of words for the moment. It was so she wouldn’t worry about him. He thought kakao might have been a little more comfortable than giving her his phone number. iI she ever got to the point where she wanted to hear his voice or if he wanted to hear his, it also had a call option.

He was surprised when she messaged him that night unable to keep the smile off his face.

Just keeping tabs y’know...

She was witty, using his words against him which made his heart beat for her even more.

“Party?” You repeated with the raise of your eyebrows at the dancing girl in front of you. It was Alice who was pumped about a party a kid named Sammy was having later at night. Alice had interrupted your conversation with Brian in the hallway to invite you along with her and Roo. The last time you went to a party you didn’t enjoy it much and left early, you weren’t sure if you felt up to relive another night like that.

“I don’t know…” You answered, prompting Alice to put on a cute act.

“Pleasee, Y/n? I feel like it’ll be fun.” Alice whined and you sighed.

“I think you should go.” Brian agreed and Alice clung to his arm as she cheered, surprising him. You laughed and sighed again.

“Alright, but you have to go to.” You grinned. You noticed Wonpil and Dowoon out the corner of your eye as they were about to pass by.

“You guys too okay?” You smiled.

“Us too? What do you mean…?” Wonpil asked curiously, his eyes glancing over at Brian. “There’s a party tonight that Sammy Boy is hosting,” Roo answered him.

“I’ll be there.” Brian interrupted. Wonpil tore his gaze from the other male to look at you. “I think I’ll skip out,” He gave you a small smile before walking away.

Your face dropped a little. Wonpil was just like you when it came to parties, he didn’t care much for them, but you were hoping he would go with the thought of dancing with him at some point in the back of your mind.

Night fell and the party arrived quicker than expected, soon you were dressed up deciding to wear a little bit of makeup, standing outside Sammy’s door with your friends at your side. 

The door opened and the music hit you in the face, the loud bass echoing around you as you, Alice and Roo stepped inside. It was crowded and you could barely feel the air conditioning as Alice tugged you further into the crowd, your eyes searching for more familiar faces, surprised to see Sungjin but not surprised to see Jina and Jae.

Your eyes landed on a face you had hoped wouldn’t let you down. Brian was posted on the wall with a red cup in his hand. His eyes met yours and he smiled, waving you over. Alice and Roo parted ways to do their own thing while you navigated your way over to Brian, relieved to be out the center of the crowd.

“Hectic, isn’t it?” He chuckled as he took a sip from his cup. You gave him a nod and stood right beside him. Being next to Brian was the safest place to be and you were glad he came.

“We can spend our time here and watch the craziness if you want?” He grinned and nudged you gently. You smiled back at him, taking his cup out of his hand to take a sip before handing it back.

“I’d love that… but let’s have at least one dance.” You smiled and reached to grab his hand, luring him away from the wall. You weren’t the best dancer but you didn’t mind showing what little moves you had to him. As days passed the two of you had grown closer and soon Brian felt like a friend you never wanted to see disappear from your life, he was genuinely a nice guy no matter if other people couldn’t see that.

You began to dance and Brian danced back. His movements surprised you, Brian was a good dancer and by looking at him you’d never expect  him to be. As his body got closer you felt your face flush, especially when the song switched into something a lot slower.

Your heart jumped as he carefully guided you closer to him, eyes looking to meet his, feeling as though you were losing yourself in his chocolate orbs.  There was a feeling fluttering through your stomach, a similar feeling you had with Wonpil but the odd thing is that it had been there for a while with Brian too.

You noticed him leaning in, your eyes on his lips. You were starting to think you wouldn’t mind if he kissed you but something in the back of your head urged you to look away and then you saw him enter the house. It was Wonpil who looked a little different. While your eyes focused on him you didn’t notice how Brian’s fell in defeat.

Wonpil:

Wonpil stood outside the door of the party for a few minutes, taking a deep breath in and exhaling. Dowoon stood beside him without a word, not pressuring him to enter right away. Wonpil had a lot on his mind and it all involved one person and that person was Y/n.  Lately, she had been on his mind non-stop and though he was around her, eating lunch, laughing, his heart thumped something fierce as if it needed him to get a few words of his chest.

He needed to tell her how he felt, how he always felt even though he didn’t show it. He sat at home after school, thinking about her and about Brian and how he hoped the boy didn’t have her heart just yet. Wonpil called Dowoon up as he got dressed, asking the quiet male to tag along with him to the party, he didn’t want to go in alone and he was happy when Dowoon easily agreed.

He turned to his sister for help with his hair and she styled it nicely, parting his bangs to reveal his forehead, a look she was sure would make the girls go wild but he only wanted one girl to notice him.

Inside the party, his eyes scanned the scene until he found Y/n but she was with Brian. Wonpil fought through the thought of backing down and leaving her to be but when he noticed her staring in his direction it boosted him to make his way across the room with a call of her name.

“Y/n...” He smiled at her then look to Brian. “Do you mind if I cut in?” He asked the male who gave him a nod, backing off with a faint smile to allow Wonpil time with her.

“You look great, I can’t believe this is you…” She smiled, reaching up to lightly brush her hand against his hair.

“Thank you…” Wonpil blushed and started to dance a bit as he tuned into the beat of the song. He kept his eyes on her and she kept his eyes on him, when the music slowed Wonpil courageously wrapped his arms around her pulling her close. He noticed her eyes fell for a few seconds, and he smiled, feeling content that he decided to show up after all. When the song ended he stopped and leaned in to whisper in her ear.

“Want to take a walk?” He asked and she happily agreed. Wonpil took her hand and led her out of the party ignoring the eyes that stared at them. It was nice and cool outside, the temperature better than what it was in doors.

“I’m happy you came.” Y/n smiled at him and he smiled back, his hand still holding hers, he didn’t want to let it go.

“Y/n…” Wonpil stopped walking and turned to her.

“I love you...” He confessed, watching her eyes widen in surprise. 

“Wonpil I…” She said his name with a tone he wasn’t expecting, her voice was sweet as it had always been but lying underneath was heartbreak, he could tell that he was a little too late.

Jina:

She tried to keep herself as calm as possible as she approached him. Jina wasn’t going to let the moment Brian and Y/n had just moments ago stop her this time from getting his attention. She made her way to the wall he leaned on with a cup in her hand, casually taking sips as she worked up the courage to speak. When she finally turned to him his eyes met hers and her face flushed immediately.

“Hi, Brian I…”

“If this is about a dance… I’m sorry but I’m not feeling too well. I’m going to head out.” He cut her off with a small smile, the first time he’s ever curled his lips at her.

Jina stood as she watched the boy she was in love with walk away from her again, all the energy she had to finally speak to him gone. She could feel her eyes burning, threatening tears as she pulled out her cell phone to text Sungjin who stood with a girl across the room.

Meet me upstairs…? I need you…

She met his eyes briefly, noticing him responding to her message. Jina waited for his text, when it arrived and she read it, her tears fell.

I can’t… I’m not doing this anymore Jina.

She didn’t notice Jae watching her as she ran out the door to get some air instead of crying in a place where everyone could see.

“Jina!” Jae called her name but she didn’t look up from the palms of her hands.

“I’m so stupid Jae…” She spoke as she heard his footsteps stop next to her.

“How can I be so crazy in love with a person who doesn’t even know I exist...?” She sobbed.

“Sungjin doesn’t even need me anymore… I know I’m a horrible person for using him but I didn’t expect that to hurt too…”

Jae was silent as he watched his best friend have a breakdown for the last time.

“You are horrible for using Sungjin Jina… you’re a fool for begin in love with Brian.” The fact that Jae agreed with her was the confirmation she needed to help her move on.

“But you’re also a fool Jina… for not noticing that I’m someone who’s loved you all along.” She didn’t raise her head to see the smile on his face but she felt his arms wrap around her and she cried into his chest.

“Jae…” She sniffled as he placed a kiss on the top of her head, these were the arms she belonged in.

Sungjin:

Sungjin watched the girl who had a tight hold on his heart run out the door leaving him relieved. He couldn’t feel sorry for denying the girl who had used him up for days and played games with his vulnerable heart. He spent an entire night thinking and even interrupted his parents who were sleeping to talk about the things that had been bothering him for once. It was a freeing feeling to get all of the pent-up emotions he held in for the last few months off his chest, making him feel light again.

“Are you alright Sungjin?” Alice’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he turned to her with a smile.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He answered and she continued her talk about the book they’ve both read, this was a connection he was looking forward to seeing grow.

His words echoed through your ears, this was the confession you had been waiting for, it was also a confession you’d never thought you’d hear. Kim Wonpil was in love with you. You imagined this moment plenty of times before, imagined your heart swelling and soaring into the clouds, but the moment he walked through the door your heart didn’t skip a beat at the sight of him like it used to. You would always love Wonpil, he was your friend, your best friend for that matter, but you were not in love with him anymore.

“Wonpil I…” You paused trying to find the right words to say.

“It’s fine, I just wanted to get it off my chest….” He gave you that same smile he always did and you smiled back, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

Wonpil noticed someone and nodded his head in their direction. “It looks like he’s leaving… I think you should go catch him.” He smiled and let your hand go. You turned to notice Brian walking down the street and that’s when you heard the sound of your own heartbeat in your ears.

“Thank you...” You looked at Wonpil one last time before hurrying after Brian.

“Hey, you!” You called out to him, prompting him to turn around. You ran as fast as you could to catch up to Brian who gave you a confused look.

“I thought you left with your friend Wonpil…” Brian said, his eyes looking everywhere else but yours.

“I was with him but I decided to come after you.” You gave him a smile.

“Why? You should be with the person you love...” His eyes finally met yours. You never knew Brian caught on to the way you felt about Wonpil but he needed to know that those feelings faded.

“Well, I think I’m in the right place…” You felt as though you would die right there when you said those words, Brian’s eyes lighting up like you had never seen and for once he had a shy smile on his lips. You reached for his hand and he took yours in his, the two of you enjoying slow steps under the moonlight.

Wonpil:

Wonpil made his way down the hallway with his lunch in his hand, trying not to stare at the lovey-dovey sight that was Park Jaehyung and Jina in the hallway. He should have expected best friends like that to become lovers and though Jina caused some issues with Sungjin before, he was happy she found happiness.

He opened the door that led to the school’s rooftop, shuddering at the cool air that hit his face. The temperature was slowly dropping as the seasons began to change, in a couple more months it would be snowing and he wasn’t sure if he’d be eating on the rooftop then. He sat down on the concrete with his lunch bag between his legs, waiting for everyone else to arrive, he didn’t want to start eating just yet.

The door opened and Alice stepped through first with a wave, Sungjin right behind her. “Hey, hey!” She smiled and Wonpil replied with a wave of his own.

“Hey man…” Sungjin smiled as he sat down next to Wonpil. Things were right again between him and his best friend, Sungjin apologized a million times and finally let him in on the issues that made him go astray. Wonpil forgave him and accepted the new love he found in Alice, supporting the book nerds.

Roo came through the door next, frowning at the couple who left ahead of her again and it wouldn’t be long before she’d playfully accused Sungjin of stealing Alice away from her. Dowoon showed up with a girl he had been spending time with, he didn’t think the quiet guy would open up on that level but he was glad he found someone who could probably get more words out of him than anyone else.

The last two showed up late as usual but when they finally walked through the door Wonpil smiled. Y/n and Brian had been going strong and after getting to know Brian better for himself Wonpil thought he was the best match for his friend.

Everyone sat around chatting and eating making him feel content. He wanted every day to continue on like this where everyone was happy and far from lonely.

“So, are you guys up for going to the amusement park this weekend?” Y/n asked. “I’m down.” Wonpil agreed and so did everyone else.

“Is it okay if I invite Jae and Jina too...? Jae overheard me talking about it and…” She sighed and laughed, prompting Sungjin to laugh too.

“I’m fine with it.” He nodded, wrapping his arm around Alice.

“Me too.” Wonpil agreed.

“I feel bad that Wonpil over here doesn’t have a date though.” Sungjin teased Wonpil as he took a sip from his water bottle.

“He has me,” Roo answered with a grin, making Wonpil choke.

[kandace-roo-blog]

Beginning of the End || Self-Para

Pregnant. The word burns like a scalding hot iron and the ground feels hard and cold beneath her shins as she stares blankly at the plastic stick cradled in her hands. Two others laid abandoned just feet away from her, still contained in the small bathroom stall that she’d all but holed herself up in. Dear god, she was that girl - the one that discovers that she’s pregnant at the prom of all places.

Prom seemed like the strangest place to have a pregnancy test, but in reality, it’s probably the safest. At home, she was monitored constantly, from food intake to work to things as simple as getting ready in the morning, and to be frank, there was no way to take the tests at home. This was the one place that her mother wouldn’t follow, but of course, that also meant wrecking the entire night with news like this. It didn’t seem right – things like this weren’t supposed to be like this for a girl like her. Hell, she was the homecoming queen, an upcoming model, and the freaking title winner of Miss Teen USA. Even if she hardly cared about any of that stuff, it seemed like none of this was even in the realm of possibility for her. And yet, there it was in plain language: she was pregnant, and there was no changing that.

Part of her wanted to sit there all night wallowing in her own self-pity. Another part just wanted to go home and pretend it never happened. Still, the strong part of her decided to stuff the tests as deep into her clutch as they would go, clean herself off, and go back out there. God knew that Danny was probably wondering where in the world she’d gone to and they’d probably be searching for her at any second to figure out where she’d gone. Word had gotten out that she’d been nominated to be the junior prom queen, and as improbable as it seemed that she would win, there was always that chance that they’d vote for her. Hell, she’d won homecoming in the fall, so that possibility was distinct in reality.

And so she did. She cleaned the mascara that had run down her face and shoved down the nausea from her anxiety and pretended. To the student body, she was the good girlfriend, the popular pretty girl, the usually somber yet striking classmate. Hell, she was everything she was supposed to be. She ended up winning that night, and as she looked back on the photos later, it struck her that even she could hardly tell that something was wrong. Perhaps she’d gotten really good at pretending, but Kandace looked happy, like she didn’t have a care in the world. God knew how wrong that was, but it didn’t matter. She had a reputation to uphold, but more importantly, she had a decision to make.

__

She told him that he was going to be a dad two weeks later at the park – their park - one knee tucked under her chin and the other leg kicking aimlessly at the small pieces of gravel left behind on the sidewalk. This had always been their safe place; she knew full and well that her mother would have a conniption fit just having Hundred Acre Wood’s notorious bad boy in her own home, and probably one twice as worse if she’d been caught at his regardless of the fact that they’d been dating for close to a year at that point. Danny just didn’t fit into Amber Roo’s picture-perfect plan of what her daughter’s life was going to be. Maybe that’s why Kandace started dating him in the first place - Danny was, by all accords, the opposite of what everyone wanted for her.

She’d feigned small talk for a moment as he stayed none the wiser, completely clueless despite the obvious tension hanging in the air. Sure, this was supposed to be their time, but with a secret as big as hers, there was no way to keep it hidden. Somehow she manages to listen to his small talk, answering with noncommittal ‘uh-huh’s and ‘sure’s as she nervously wrings her hands in her lap and bites at her cheek until it’s sore and probably bleeding. Finally, she gives in, interrupting his blathering about his motorcycle (god forbid, it seemed that was all he talked about) to break the news.

“Danny – babe, look: I have some news. Big news. Major news. I really hate to interrupt, but this is serious. I – um. I found something out a few weeks ago that I think you should know, but –“

‘Kandy. Chill. What’s the deal?’ And as much as she hates the nickname, it sounds so sweet coming out of his mouth that she can hardly care and god, the only thing that she could think about in that moment was how much she loved him.  How much she wanted this little family with him. How good of a dad that he could be. The thoughts seemed to overwhelm that reasonable side of her, and what was supposed to be a rational explanation ended up as a jumble of excited confessions. “I’m pregnant. Well, we’re pregnant. I know, we’re young, and I know, my parents, but I just think that-“

She’s stopped short by his face. He was supposed to be happy, and yet as soon as she said the word – that word – it was as if a door had slammed, his face dropping into something much colder, harder. Knowing it was a scary idea, part of her figured it was just surprise, and so with a nervous laugh, she reached a hand up to cup his cheek, delicate as if he could break at any second. “Babe. C’mon, it’s okay.”

’It’s not fucking okay, Kandace. Are you kidding me?’ A hand grips her wrist hard, wrenching it from his cheek, and suddenly she realizes that he’s right: it’s not okay. He’s not okay. ‘How long were you gonna wait to tell me, huh? Jesus Christ, there’s no way in hell that kid was mine... Is it Chris Robin’s? It’s gotta be – you’re clearly desperate enough, so I should’ve guessed you’d put out for anyone.’

“W-what? It’s not like that at all, it’s yours. I love you more than to do something like that!”

Despite the edge of desperation that took on her tone, he stayed as hard as ever, pushing off of the bench to stand. The conversation had taken a spin that she’d hardly been expecting, but from the few glimpses that she could catch in his eyes, she could tell one thing: he was scared. Terrified. Regardless, there was nothing that could’ve prepared her for what he snapped at her in response: “I don’t love you. I never loved you. Who the hell could love you?”

It was as if her heart shattered in that moment, blood turning to ice in her veins. She was at a point beyond sadness; no, she was numb, unfeeling, unseeing. He said a few more things that she’d barely heart, and at some point he decided to stalk away furiously, clumsily kicking at an abandoned beer can lying crumpled in the middle of the sidewalk. Still, she didn’t move until he was long out of sight and the sun had begun to set behind the trees, and without her ride, she was left to walk the two miles home, mind still struggling to process what had just happened. He’d left, and worse, he hated her. He’d played her and left her with the remains and with his child, which seemed more like a reminder of a broken heart than anything.

It finally managed to hit her late that night that he was gone for good and that she was truly alone, and that thought alone was enough to leave her crying until the wee hours of the morning. It was the aftermath that gave her away to her parents. While her dad hardly cared about how she looked, her mother immediately noticed the puffiness under her eyes and the strained redness that gave away the tears, and suddenly, a normal breakfast turned into an intervention. She admitted it, having lost all caution after already experiencing the worst case scenario, and needless to say, her mother freaked. Still, the yelling and screaming was hardly enough to phase her, and between the pressure and guilt applied liberally by her mom and the events of the previous day, she caved.

She was escorted by her mother to an adoption clinic the next day, and within the next two weeks, they’d picked a couple from New Hampshire to take the baby. Kandace hardly cared anymore – that thing she was carrying was no longer hers as far as she was concerned, and the last thing she wanted was to be a mother. All she wanted was to go back to the way things used to be, where she was restricted and controlled but at least had a semblance of a life. If giving up the baby was what she had to do to get her life back, she was more than happy to comply fully.

__

Nine months, seven days, and twelve hours. Kandace had to spend all that time with a baby in her that she didn’t really consider her own. Labor almost seemed like a blessing at that point, a means to an end of the months she’d spent waiting to be done with being pregnant, wanting to be rid of the last reminder of the shattered remains that Danny had left her in and the reason why even her father couldn’t fully look at her with anything other than pity. God, she wanted so badly to wipe her hands clean of the baby that she almost told the nurse to keep him instead of letting her hold him, but something in her changed her mind. Maybe she figured that holding him wouldn’t hurt, that it would be cruel to leave him with no trace of his birth mother.

Regardless of the reason, it was all for vain. All it took was one look into those big, blue eyes – his father’s eyes, she muses despite all efforts to push the idea aside – to know.  That baby was hers no matter how long she’d spent denying it. It suddenly didn’t matter that the adoptive parents were waiting outside with her mom and dad or that she’d likely be disowned for deciding to keep him, but in that moment, she knew that she would do anything for that child – for her son. She would die for him if she had to, and while that should have been scary, she was calmer than she’d been in a long time.

The nurses take the baby soon after to check his vitals and clean him up, and as soon as he’s cleared, he’s back in her arms. She sits there, practically in awe that she’d created this precious thing, but her mother decided to break the moment as soon as she could. The woman came parading in the room with the couple they’d picked – well, more that she’d picked more than Kandace herself – in tow. Of course, the moment she saw her daughter holding the baby, her mother had a hissy fit.

I told you not to touch it! Go on, give him to his parents!

The words are barked at her in a tone that was usually enough to force her hand, but this time, Kandace was staying firm. As terrible as she felt for the couple who’d been waiting for much longer than she had for a child, that baby was not leaving her side. So she says the one word that was probably the hardest to say, one that she’d never uttered to her mother in her entire life until that moment.

“No.”

Needless to say, it didn’t go well. The adoptive parents seemed oddly understanding despite their clear emotional loss at the revelation, but her mother – she was furious. Curses were slung like mud, littered among threats that she’d never be able to become a model and chides that she should know better than to disrespect her own mother and so loud that a nurse or two came into the room just to make sure that she was ok. But it didn’t matter anymore, not a chance. She just sat there in silence, the words barely registering with her until they finally subsided, leaving the older woman to look at her daughter challengingly. And so she says it again, louder this time. “No. He’s mine.”

By the end of the night, she is declared disowned. Her mother was completely done with the situation, unwilling to have a daughter that she couldn’t live vicariously through any longer and her father, weak-willed man as he was, followed suit. Kandace left the hospital with nothing other than an envelope with some money and a promise for provision from her dad, an admissions letter to Walt Academy, and of course, Joey. The name had come to her suddenly, with no real explanation behind it. Perhaps part of it had to do with the fact that some of her closest friends had taken a penchant to nicknaming her Kanga – Kanga Roo, as dumb a pun as it was – but it just seemed to… well, fit.

Regardless of how much or how little she had left, though, Kandace knew one thing: Walt was going to be her new start. It wasn’t to say that she wasn’t hurting; no, she’d killed a part of herself to have this baby, whether it was losing who she thought was the love of her life or her home, but none of that mattered as long as her son had a good, happy life. Whatever happened, that was more important than anything, and she was determined to make that so.