I've been drawing too much....
I bought some new notebooks but the paper in them are much smoother than other notebooks I've bought, so it might take a bit to get used to. I hope the difference in paper isn't too noticeable?
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this is bad, i'm currently thinking about genichiro from sekiro. i just feel like he can never take no as an answer y'know? like the type of guy to let out a loud exhale when you tell him you don't want to do something, when you reject his advances, and when you tell him to leave you alone. he's not used to it, not at all and it frustrates him to no end. how could you say no to him?
all he's ever done is have his family’s, his mentor’s, your best interest at heart and you have the nerve to tell him he can't have what he's worked so hard for? it has his blood boiling underneath that quiet exterior, his hands gripping the fabric of his pants while you explain to him that, although you appreciate his efforts to win you over, you're already in an arranged marriage — it would never work out, especially with how dangerous his position is in the ashina army.
you might not see it, might not be able to notice how little he's holding his composure together, but you can definitely feel the way the air changes. slowly starting to suffocate you, there's a hint of electricity beginning to flood inside your room. you can almost hear the soft buzz of it, the noise quiet enough to be ignored, but you couldn't. not when the threat of what it meant was still present. one wrong move and you might be fried from the static, but… genichiro wouldn't hurt you.
no, he wouldn't, he couldn't. is what he tells himself. he shouldn't be the one to hurt you, but he has to. just like how he has to be the one to restore ashina’s honor even if it costs him his people, his allies, and himself.
genichiro promises, swears on his life, that he'd be the only one you need. he'd devote himself entirely if you opened your heart enough. that he'd raise statues, monuments for your honor — you just have to give him what he wants. you might feel conflicted, maybe even confused because even if you do agree how would he convince your family? his head lowers, forehead to the floor, when he bows in front of you. the highest form of respect, given to you when you hear him whisper. he vows that when he returns, he'll return with jewelry, exotic fruits, presents for each member, money to help convince your family.
and what if they don't?
genichiro doesn't answer. his silence is unnerving and you want him to say something, anything, but he doesn't and it makes your stomach drop. you order him to go and pray he never returns, that finally, the ashina clan falls with him being in the center of it. you don't hear him leave, but the slight brush you feel against your hand lets you know he's done as you asked.
it's a sickening feeling, genichiro thinks whilst awaiting orders, that he has to resort to such measures to win your favor, but he needs to. he's the one meant to show you, to hold your hand, to leave with a kiss from your lips while he guides his army to victory. you're meant to praise him, shower him with your attention when he returns with not a single scratch on his body. worry and fuss when he does return with a few knicks, maybe some bruises if he thinks it'll have you clinging to him. genichiro knows he needs you beside him, even if you cry and beg for him to leave you alone. you'll see that, eventually, everything he's done, everything he's sacrificed has been for you, for ashina, for all he's ever cared about.
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