#mental unloading

[cakesofwhimsy]

One of the reasons why I want to I have my own things, car or house or whatever it is because I want to. Because I recognize that eventually if the owner wants to sell this house I’m at their mercy. They can decide that you know what I don’t want to on this how many more until we sell it to somebody Figure out where to go. Like the same thing with the cards like if they decide that they don’t want any more than want to sell it. I’m trapped. But it does cause some inconvenience at my son inconsistency. I guess I don’t know him so I have consistency in my own Authority and Autonomy

[recitedemise]

Before I get on to some replies, I am sat here trying to digest all my thoughts again nearly 1 year after leaving my abusive ex.

And what struck me is how absolutely racist they were and are.

It doesn't escape me that their last two exes (including me) were Asian. It doesn't escape me that they consume a lot of Asian media. It doesn't escape me that, one time, they came to me to vent about their ex before me, upset people said they had an asian fetish when their ex 'was tan and aggressive' when, if they really had an asian fetish, they'd go for a pale and more meek person.

It doesn't escape me that after they would corner both me and their ex before me to absolute mental breaks where we would retaliate with anger that they would call us aggressive abusers. It doesn't escape me that I tried breaking up with them countless times, was begged to stay because 'I was the only thing that made them happy' and that 'they wouldn't know what to do without me'. It doesn't escape me that when we did FINALLY break up because THEY allowed it, they told me that we should break up because 'they can't be with someone with such inordinate anger' when, in my last attempt to break up with them, I tried breaking up for 4 hours. Straight.

The last break up attempt came after they blew up at me and my friends. I was so stressed out with this constant abuse, and them freaking out so royally was too much. They then asked me to go on a trip to see them because it would be good for our relationship. They said I didn't have to, though, and because I wasn't ready to see them after everything, all the crying, all the breaking down in parking lots, all the driving lost and in tears and sitting on the side of a highway for hours just wailing, I said no. I'm not ready.

They then got so upset and kept going 'well, you went to see your other friends. I don't come down there that often. I came to see you when I was upset. I was really looking forward to this. If you don't want to go, then you don't. I don't need you there to bring down the mood.' They said they weren't guilt tripping me, by the way.

Fed up, I finally had enough. I said we're breaking up. It isn't my first time wanting to break up either because I would constantly capitulate when they crossed my boundaries and ignored my discomfort and desires. But I would capitulate because they NEVER took no for an answer, and I was too weak to stand my ground, and I would always just want the talking to end. I was consistently overstimulated and gave up.

So. I tried breaking up one last time, and again: distress.

4 hours of me saying 'I want to break up. That's final.'

4 hours of them going 'no, please. Why? I'm so confused. I wasn't guilt tripping you. I don't know where you see that?'

4 hours of them going 'please stay with me. Please water the seeds of our love.'

4 hours of calls and constant texts.

4 hours of them going 'I know you love me still somewhere. You used to love me. You can learn to love me again.'

4 hours where they wrote me letters and sent them to me during their therapy session.

4 hours of never listening to me when I said 'I think I feel better/healthier away from you.'

4 hours of them telling me they thought I was in therapy and that I have to keep going to love them again. Ignoring the fact that I was in therapy primarily because of my distress being in this relationship. Them denying the possibility that my health, I realized, was better without them, and them refusing to allow me that space.

4 hours of repeatedly disrespecting my desires and boundaries for their own comfort.

4 hours where I finally blew up and called them stupid and annoying, something they threw back at me as proof of my 'inordinate anger' when they finally agreed to the break up 3 DAYS LATER.

Yeah. I guess Asians are all docile and sweet. They just happened to end up with the two that weren't. I say this all very sarcastically, but how unfortunate.

And after all that, they told their friend, who later came to me saying they were trying to do a nice and good thing for us with which I blew up at and that I was exceptionally cruel.

Okay. I guess good people just suck it up always, huh, and have no boundaries ever? I shoulda been super sweet and did whatever they wanted for the millionth time at the cost of my own sanity. Why not! I'm disposable in comparison, after all! Sucks I missed the memo!

[slimslamflimflam]

Pride hc: Jotaro is on the ace/aro spectrums. Idk just makes sense to me.

Also agender FF

And Josuyasu real

I know Not who you are, anon. Only that you are extremely and incredibly based.

[tjerra14]

sometimes I really wish there was a mandatory emotional support and grief counselling training course at uni the way that "pour distilled coffee over some sugary pills and prescibe those to a fictional cow" galenics session was mandatory

[babisawyer]

I got home yesterday and cut most of my hair off within like ten minutes of being home.

[haleths]

(another post about my mum i'm sorry) it's veryyyy very weird having to recommend therapy to your own mother. the role reversal of having to support your parents in any way is always strange but this is one area i thought she'd never need help with

[angesaurus]

Dan and I started ted lasso last night it was so funny. So we went to bed way later than normal but I slept awesome? I think my new mouth guard is helping (this is 35). My mom is coming today and we’re going to shopping and out to early dinner. Can’t wait for some retail therapy 🙂

[micamone]

i think Iago should have gotten the chance to use one of his blades at some point in the series. as a treat.

[lycianlynx]

[ wipe ] + [ argue ]

✦ angst prompts.

They are standing in the smoldering remains of a home set aflame in a row of charcoal houses. They are standing in the middle of piles of ash in lieu of broken bodies. They could not save this. They could not save any of them. Chad hears her speak, perhaps not an outside party to the devastation, but surely one to the sheer scale of it. She doesn’t understand. Her voice can only stay so steady and gentle because she doesn’t fucking understand.

Lilina’s words he can take — Inflated noble ego, like all the rest, speaking from a better, higher place, her kindness either a veneer or melting like twisted wax when she really faces the heat. Her words, self-comforting, immature, blindingly naive, do not burn him. How could they burn him when this already burnt him away once, never mind twice?

Her hands, however, feel branding on their skin when she stops, eyes wide, and reaches out to touch his face. Chad flinches, suddenly aware of the croak in their voice, arms raising up to keep her away — Her thumb comes away wet with a salty tear when they push away her hands with a grunt, head turning the other way with a scalding breath. Their tongue laces with sulfur, fit to set both of them aflame. Anything to stop her from looking at them like that. Anything to stop her from pretending to be kind to someone like him.

So they return kindness with arson and bridges aflame.

“You don’t understand,” they spit. Daggers and acid. “How could you understand?! With nannies and butlers at your every heel, never wanting for food or shelter or chances —” A breath, choking and acidic. “These kids had nothing, never had anything, we were their one chance, and now they’re fucking dead!”

“And for what? Because we had to regroup and stop and appeal for some Grand High Lord Motherfucker’s approval and — Saints, look at you, do you even have real tears in your body?” A hitching breath as they realise they can barely even see her — But they can hear the rhythm of her own breath, the irregular crackle. “You — You only crying ‘cause I’m yelling at you?!”

 They take a step forward, ashen remains crunching underfoot. Then another, threatening, bristling (and mourning, because this how he’s always mourned, as a blaze, as an arsonist, as nothing better than those Bernese scum) —“What is it, my Lady? Only able to cry when your Father’s dead?! Cry for your Father when you ain’t even able to call for him for help again—”

(And some part of them knows that this isn’t right, that they have known Lilina for years and that she knows and understands and can bridge that gap, that the virtue she's shown is real and far sturdier than any wax, that it is not wax but tempered steel.

But they’ve killed mercy for anger, white-hot and fresh like a scarred limb torn open and thrown into the pyre.)

“Don’t touch me.” He snarls. “You make me fucking sick!”

[the-casbah-way]

very impossible to find the balance between "i want my friends to be able to talk to me about their problems and tell me when they're struggling" and "i am extremely emotionally fragile at the moment because i'm doing very badly and talking about very heavy topics especially with no warning is not something i feel capable of dealing with right now because i'm on the verge of a violent mental breakdown"

[xamaxenta]

Thinking about someone i blocked that bothered me for about two monthsish last year bc they kept messsging me underhanded or backhanded comments abt literally anything i did on this site, specifically they liked to attack my lack of understanding of the basics of art and that i clearly didnt study the classics enough (??? What are those? This is subjective?) and i wonder if they’re happier this year i gotta commend them for not doing this behind anon, ballsy tbh but unwarranted

[looselipssinkships-x]

I'm not meant to be the driver for a road trip.

I'm a passenger prince.

I make sure everyone has snacks, everyone's comfy, keep an eye on the map, ramble fun facts about the scenery, and play my specifically curated playlist for this specific occasion.

Please don't make me drive. It makes my bones hurt.

[joaquinwhorres]

Today was the worst day in a very long time. (Reason in tags for Trigger Warnings). If anyone would like to send headcanons, asks, fic recs, reblogs, or anything that will distract me and bring me out of my head for a sec, I would appreciate it.

[iychodon]

[gentlethorns]

fuck dude i have got to find a job where i can be self-employed and creative. i cannot be in fucking retail hell anymore

[tenrose]

When I go home after work and immediately do one chore I feel unstoppable. Yes I do lie in bed for hours after that one single task, but it's not the same. It's better.