#mikey mcgill

[sundewhasaudhd]

Sketchbook art dump :]

c!Eret sketch (lined)

c!Sam (lined and partly colored)

Tiny c!Sapnap sketches

Text 1: Sapnap: I’M GONNA LIGHT AN ANTHILL ON FIRE!

Bad: SAPNAP NO!

Text 2: Sapnap: You will be dead within the hour

Box with an arrow pointing to what he’s holding: Pet hamster or smth

Text 3: Bad: Are you okay?! Do you need bandages? Should I call Ponk?!

Sapnap: Dad, I’m FINE!

Tiny c!Dream sketches

Text 1: Dream: MAMA! Hannah won’t let me use her toys!

Text 2: Dream: MAMA! MAMA! LOOK WHAT MADE!

Text 3: Dream: I’m Mama’s favorite

Foolish: No you’re not. Papa doesn’t have favorites

Hannah: And if she did, it most definitely wouldn’t be you

Tiny c!George sketches

Text 1: George: I heard that Quackity likes Wilbur

Text 2: *Watchin bugs n stuff*

Text 3: George: Quackity why did you just swallow an ice pack?

Tiny c!Karl sketches

Text: Karl: And then, Glory became Queen after she yap yap yap yap

Tiny c!Quackity sketches

Text 1: *Dances in there’s a 76% change you’re not neurotypical*

Text 2: Quackity: (It’s supposed to be “onward my noble steed! in Spanish, I used Google translate so it’s not accurate. Can someone who speaks Spanish please tell me how to say that?)

Text 3: Quackity: George, you bitch, give that back!

George: Why?

Quackity: Wilbur gave it to me

George: Oooh! Imma tell Lemon Dad (Ponk) >:3

Quackity: NO!

Random 12:00am doodles (Danny Gonzalez as ice cream [iykyk], pic man Miku eating Rin fruits, Mikey McGill being all 💅, Peridot and Lapis Lapuzi’s gems being QPR goals, random positive words that spell out faggot my c!Dream mask as his face, the comedy and tragedy masks reversed, and @lilacquintet ‘s selfsona being a sneet snart)

More random doodles (Melanie Martinez, Orel Puppington, q!Jaiden, and Cricket Green)

My friend group being queer and autistic

Redraw and redesign of my old OC (her names Ariel)

c!Wilbur taste being… something (c!Dream doodles

DND one shot OC

Fursona I made for funzies

Spinel and Button Blossom (Ragatha x Pomni)

All my Trolls ships (Hickory x John Dory x Delta Dawn, Brandy x Bruce, Riff x Floyd x Boom, Branch x Poppy, Viva x Barb, and Clay x books)

Sodikken’s Hansel & Gretel as c!Clingy duo

c!Happy duo as Mesmerizer (I might’ve already posted this)

Nonbinary Starboy (based on the concept art)

c!Sundew being a silly

Button Blossom ft. some face and eyes doodles

DSMP doodles (c!Bad, c!Schlatt, c!Mexican Dream, c!Aimsey watching MLP)

More DSMP doodle ft. some of my friends little messages (c!George, c!Skeppy, and c!Fundy)

DSMP kids (c!Tommy, c!Tubbo, c!Ranboo, c!Purpled, c!Eryn, and c!Drista)

Trans Brozone ft. trans ally’s Branch and John Dory

And, I got tried of taking pictures of my sketchbook, so that’s all for today :D

[rynnthefangirl]

I hate that so many of my favorite characters are men. Im a girls girl, I want to love GIRLS, yet most of my precious blorbos, love-of-my-life obsessions are all these dumb fucking BOYS. Daenerys and Rhaenyra Targaryen are over here carrying my feminism on their backs bc in every other series my dumb brain just fixates on whatever sad pathetic angsty trash man gives me heart eyes. Even in Umbrella Academy my favorite in S1-2 was Vanya and I thought “finally another girlie” and turns out NOPE that’s a BOY TOO.

[thenamessparkplug]

next batch of sillies:33

mikey got just a little goofy

[ba-hons-film-blog]

Film Project - Connection - Journal

Pre-Production

Week 1 (16th-22nd of January)

Initial Discussions (16/01/23)

After being given the project brief (to make a six minute film that conveys a sense of place), the group (myself, Ben Ansturther and Jack Weir) went back to Ben’s flat and sat down to discuss ideas. We were very invigorated by the possibilities this project presented, especially after the previous module, in which we felt considerably more boxed in (with a script we could only change so much and a story that necessitated us filming in a student flat, which was not the most exciting location).

Having hoped to direct something, and having not done so in the previous semester, I put myself forward for this role. Jack was eager to try his hand at producing, and Ben wanted to take on the role of cinematographer, so that was all settled quickly. With regards to writing the story, both Ben and Jack were keen, so they have agreed to share this role between them. I also wanted to get some more experience editing, especially a film with dialogue, and we decided I would edit the film as well.

We then discussed influences and what kind of film we would want to make. We agreed on the crime genre, and discussed our interest in focusing on a morally dubious character who would create mixed feelings in the audience, liking the challenge of taking an unlikable character and making the audience understand them, if not sympathise with them. Some films and characters we discussed were: Mikey Sabre in Red Rocket, Connie Nikas in Good Time, Howard Ratner in Uncut Gems, Johnny in Naked, Jimmy McGill/Saul Goodman in Better Call Saul and all four men in American Animals. Some traits we picked out are these are often chaotic and disenfranchised characters, some ideas that would be interesting to explore.

As much as I enjoy crime films like Heat and Donnie Brasco, we decided to steer away from anything too over the top, wanting to go with something more tangible. We also want to avoid anything too cliche for crime student films, such as a young man peddling drugs who wants to get out of the game and live a more fulfilling life, anything like that. With regards to setting, we want to set this film in Leith, as we think it would fit our ideas for the character nicely, and would also be a visually interesting place to film in.

We have some ideas (I have an image of a solemn guy living in a dank apartment, surrounded by other people who also live there but very distant from them) but at the present, haven't decided on anything yet, and are giving ourselves some time to think before we come together again.

We have also agreed that the dear David Hall, as much as we love him, won’t be a part of this film, as has been in too many films he can only be seen as David Hall. This may change down the line, maybe we will need him in a supporting role, but our current ethos is to try to find some new actors who people won’t be familiar with, meaning they can see them just as the character, and not be thinking about the actor. Same with appearing myself in a supporting role unless absolutely necessary - while I could hopefully direct myself to be watchable, as far as the class is concerned, I am Alex McNeill in whatever film I am in. Plus working with new actors would also also be good for me with regards to working to improve my directing abilities, directing someone who is not a friend.

Week 2 (23rd-29th of January)

Test Shoot 1 (26/01/23)

Whilst we are still deciding on exactly what our idea will be, we are keen to shoot the film in Leith, for the aesthetic of the area, and how it could lend itself to the social realism genre. We gathered together in Leith around midday and walked around, taking some potential shots in the 4:3 aspect ratio, which we feel works nicely for social realist films.

Cinematography Creative Exercise 1 (27/01/23)

For a visual exercise where we were required to convey a sense of home, I decided to go to Leith, to undertake the exercise as though I were conveying a sense of the characters home, and to also explore more of Leith.

UPDATE - Story

After several discussions, slowly inching past vague motion and closer to a concrete idea, we have settled on the subject of our film: a scam artist who befriends the elderly man he is scamming. The idea of a scam artist suits the socially isolated, disenfranchised character we are looking for, and is someone the audience should not warm to, certainly not to begin with. However, it is the reasons why he is in this line of work, and what the interactions with the elderly man cause him to confront, that can bring out the humanity in this character. We think this has a lot of potential to be an interesting morally grey character.

Week 5 (13th-19th of February)

UPDATE - Story

Just a general update on how the story has developed. After coming up with the idea for the character, we discussed what would happen if the film. Our initial discussion concerned a film that played almost like a montage until a key incident. I like the idea of a character whose life is just utter carnage - constantly in motion, talking to strangers, being yelled at in the street from someone he had scammed (rearing his head in defensively only to then turn and bolt away), scamming people for literally anything - even just nicking a pint instead of paying for it, or instinctive pocketing something before even looking to see what it was. I like the idea that every waking moment of this guy's life is just him trying to distract himself from something (an idea that may have been heavily inspired by Better Call Saul, I do have to admit, but mixed with the relentless intensity of Uncut Gems). Then after a few minutes, he would bump into someone, or see them across the street. Their wouldn't be any dialogue, but it would be someone he recognised (a family member, a former love, a child?), whose presence would bring the momentum to a stop. We would place more emphasis on the scenes with the elderly man following this to highlight his need for connection, culminating with a scene that has him be his most emotionally vulnerable, and (whilst keeping up the salesman facade) attempt to tell this elderly man the truth about him. For this idea, I could almost see the main character being a mix of Connie from Good Time and James McAvoy in Filth.

At least that is my takeaway from these early discussions. I'm not sure what the others feel about this, as oftentimes when we discuss, part ways and reconvene, I feel all parties have gone off on slightly different tangents. Nothing wrong with that, but it does mean I need to take a moment to adjust from the ideas in my head to what the others are now thinking. Writing this out, I worry if this idea could be very messy, not focusing enough on the relationship with the elderly man, and depending on how many locations are needed, this could be a logistical nightmare, but the character has the potential to be very interesting and these variety of scenes would help us to explore the character without the need for exposition, so we shall see how discussions go.

Week 6 (20-26 Feb)

Cinematography Creative Exercise 3 (20/02/23)

For this, Ben made a video featuring his grandfather as a kind of test shoot, to give an idea of what the location would look like, and what the film could look like, which will be very helpful to refer back to.

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCSREfCI2iM

Pitch (22/02/23)

As someone who has always had an interest in graphic design and it’s very pedantic about all that, I took the lead on this, with regards to the images/fonts we used, and the structure of the pitch document. I initially tried making the pitch document in docs, but the image formatting setting proved to be a nightmare, so I decided it would be easier to edit in Google Slides. I used a mixture of images Ben and myself had taken on our excursions to Leith, using colour ones for the slides about the film and its production, and black and white images for the pages about the crew.

For my Directors Statement, I added a nice business-y picture of myself and a poster from my previous film - maybe this was a bit much but it made the whole thing seem more professional, and the others later followed suit with the pictures next to their HoD statements. The slides with all of our credentials and previous film roles feels a little silly but again, it helps the document look more professional, and was strangely enjoyable to do.

For the actual pitch presentation, I used the same slides, and just removed a lot of the text so as to avoid people reading off the slides as opposed to focusing on us, such as reducing my statement of intent to just three bullet points.

ALSO: Since coming up with the project, we have managed to secure two other members of the team: Eilis Fraser (for sound recording/design) and James Stevenson (for production design). James has stressed to us that he will be primarily focused on his other film, but has offered to help us as much as he can whilst he is not focused on that.

FEEDBACK:

The pitch went well - we stayed under the time limit, covered the info we needed to and, despite occasionally looking down at my notes to keep me on track, I think I made a decent amount of eye contact during my slides. While we covered the necessary content, I think we could have rehearsed more so what we said was more concise, to avoid the “waffle” that Olivia called out a lot of groups for.

My main piece of feedback was for my description of the character of Brandon, which described him as “weak” and “deplorable”, with Oliva citing not to pass judgement on the characters, and also to describe them with more nuance. My main concern talking about a character who was a scam artist was that people might think we regarded that behaviour as not being too immoral, so I wanted to address that was not the case, and that we were aware the character would potentially be unlikable and that was what interested us. But I recognise I went about this the wrong way and should have described the character with more nuance, so I will be wary of how I speak about characters in pitches from now on.

I also made some ignorant comments about Leith being an area of poverty. I had meant to convey that there were areas of poverty in Leith as opposed to the Leith as a whole, but obviously this didn’t come across as I intended, so I will have to watch for oversights like that in the future too.

Test Shoot 2 (23/02/23)

Following the FirstStage Tour in Leith we decided, as we were in the area, we would go for another excursion to get some more footage. While we liked the idea of using the 4:3 aspect ratio for the film, we decided it would be worth trying the Widescreen aspect ratio, and recorded some new sounds to use in the sound edit.

NOTE (06/03/2023): While the widescreen footage looks good, after discussing it amongst ourselves and with Andrew, we agreed that 4:3 was the way to go, for the purposes of making the character feel more boxed in. We are also using the filmconvert colour grade, to give the movie a filmic yet washed out look.

Also, this is probably as good a place to discuss the cinematography, as I don’t think I've touched on it much as of yet.

The film will have two main settings and styles:

The scenes out and about in Leith - using long lenses to convey a sense of claustrophobia and loneliness by compressing Brandon against his background. A very subdued colour palette, to show how hollow and lifeless this existence is to him.

The scenes in Roberts house - softer, warmer lighting, to convey a more inviting, homely feel, and show the positive impact Robert is having on him. Wide lens (20-50mm) to feel more natural and less contained than the lens in industrial Leith.

Like on previous films, we will use the Panasonic LUMIX DC-GH5, as both Ben and myself have cameras and different lenses we can use. The university also has several lenses we can use with our cameras (some of which require an adaptor, others which do not).

UPDATE - Story

Some big story changes: After Jack and Ben discussed with Kate (prior to the pitch, I should clarify), who seemed averse to the idea of a montage, and after we considered the logistical challenges, we decided to focus more on the relationship between the scammer (Brandon) and the elderly man (Robert). The guys also came up with the idea of Robert being a former player for the Hibs team, to create a reason as to why Brandon would be more interested in this particular victim compared to others. The guys would also prefer to keep any mention of Brandon's family out, and keep the film more focusing on the present and the characters actions as opposed to the character's past - something I'm not necessarily against so long as those actions are interesting and we understand why they are happening. We have decided to open the film with a scam, to introduce the audience to Brandon’s life and show what his average interaction with a victim looks like, compared to. We do currently have a scene that details Brandon’s living situation, which is an interesting scene to show Brandon outside of his scamming job - which involves him talking in a threatening manner to one of several delinquent youths that he lives with.

Week 7 (27th-5th of March)

UPDATE - Story

Ben has added a bar scene to show what Brandon’s social life is like. I argued about having him sitting at another table to these guys, but Ben felt it would be very interesting (and accurate to these social groups) to show him in the group yet still being isolated. While either would work to convey he is isolated, I agree the former would be more accurate, and gives us more opportunity to convey his isolation in a more nuanced way.

The scene at Brandon’s home has been removed, as we felt perhaps it was a little odd and needed more explanation, plus we thought Brandon perhaps shouldn't be so aggressive. Having the bar scene means we still have an opportunity to see Brandon interact with society aware of his scams, which is the main thing. We also felt Robert passing away was a bit cliched, so we decided to keep the film's ending more ambiguous, with it being unclear why Robert has not answered the door, with the implication being perhaps Robert got wise to the scam.

Week 8 (6th-12th of March)

Casting Call (18/03/23)

I sent out a casting call on various Facebook groups on the 10th of March and had a range of responses. We arranged Zoom calls with each person, to discuss the film and get a sense of them, and their availability. Some of them seem liked capable actors, although most did not quite have the look we were after for Brandon, but we kept a list of the who we thought would work for the other roles.

We had two particular applicants, who we felt were strong candidates based on how they looked, who we decided to see in person - David, the sole applicant for the role of Robert and Dominic, a young actor from Leitheathre who was interested in playing Brandon. Whilst they were both capable actors, Dominic ultimately seemed a little too young and innocent for Brandon, and David was a little too lively for Robert. Jack and I agreed they were not right for the role, and decided to keep looking.

UPDATE - Story

We had a script discussion with Olivia, where we realised we needed to add some subtext in their final discussion to show how Robert may suspect the scam, to make sure the ending made sense. She also suggested removing some in the dialogue as she felt much of it was not necessary, especially if we wanted to keep the film in the allowed runtime. She encouraged us to also add another bar scene at the end of the film, to contrast the first one, and to allow Brandon to be a bit more charming in his opening scene, instead of immediately going after the money.

Casting Robert (24/03/23)

Whilst David had been a delightful man, and seemed like this schedule would make it easy to work with him, we felt he wasn't quite the man we were after. Ben suggested his grandfather Norman Sheed, for two key reasons: much of the script was inspired by Norman’s sayings and mannerisms, and if we planned to shot at his house, it meant that was at least one actor we didn't have to rely on public transport to get in, and the potential delays that could come about because of it.

I went down to Glasgow today to meet him, and quickly came to the consensus he was our man. Besides the convenience of his casting, he was very kind and conversational but I also felt he could bring a sadness to Robert that the character needed (not to say he was sad, but I felt he could convey his character's sadness in the moment Robert is asked about his late wife and is unable to respond).

And so we have the principle cast. For the other roles, we will contact the other applicants for Brandon and offer them the roles of his friends. We have someone for the homeless man. For Lesley, we had no responses to the casting call, so I reached out to my grandmother (Maureen McNeill) to see if she would be interested - to my surprise, she was very game for it. For Lesley’s son and the woman Brandon sees in the final scene, Ben contacted his uncle John and other grandmother Mary, who both agreed to help us out.

Casting Brandon (27/03/23):

One response to my Casting Call had been from Ross Kinninmont. He sent some pictures along with his email, in which he looked quite friendly, but as these were for a brand shoot, I figured I would hold my judgement and give the man a chance. Upon speaking with Ross, we quickly realised he was our man. His tone of voice, his demeanour, his intense look when he wasn't speaking. He also seemed very engaged with the idea and had lots of questions which he asked us. A bonus was, he was self employed, and so could arrange his work schedule around filming. This had been the same with the lead actor in my previous film and had been tremendously helpful from an organisational perspective, compared to some of the supporting actors, who had more difficult schedules and sometimes had to pull out at the last minute. Therefore, after properly auditioning Ross today, we decided to offer him the role, which he accepted.

Other Notes

I had reached out to Eilis Fraser earlier in semester and she had stated she would be happy to help (hence she is named in the Pitch Document/Slides). However, she has since stated she will unfortunately be busy with two other projects and as such cannot make the shoot dates. Needing an alternative person to do sound, we reached out to Yathin Lee, a second year who had recorded sound for a film myself and Jack had acted in back in December 2022 - thankful, he agreed to help.

Production

Leith Montage/Walking scenes (3rd of April)

It was an early start today, waking up around 5 to get to Leith in time for some sunrise shots (in the film this would actually be used for the sun setting). Afterward, we had another walk around, to make sure we knew the best route for getting around Leith when we came back with Ross later.

On our walk, we stumbled upon a street corner that we thought would work better for the scene where Brandon sits and contemplates his life choices, compared to Calton Hill, the location of the scene in the script. Whilst Calton Hill would be a visually strong location, it dawned on us that this grotty street corner would be more in keeping with the film's urban setting. This location would also be easier to fit into our route around Leith.

Later that day, we met up with Ross, for a shoot that went along without any complications. As the one day that did not involve any dialogue scenes and only a couple shots, this day was not too time intense and was a good chance to get to know Ross a bit better whilst walking between locations.

Robert’s House Shoot 1 (5th of April)

Sadly we had not been able to schedule any rehearsal with the two lead actors, but as such, we scheduled their characters' first meeting to be shot first to facilitate this lack of familiarity, and gave them time to chat between scenes. This was also our first time working with Yat, but he was very polite and professional and the day went well.

Lesley’s House Shoot (6th of April)

This scene was shot at my Grandparents home in Glasgow, an experience my grandparents found very amusing. My grandma played the role of Lesley, and Ben’s uncle played the role of her son Connor.

Pub Shoot (10th of April):

In the script, the central two characters are Hibs fans, and we wanted to establish Brandon as supporting the team in the pub scene, by having him wear Hibs gear and being in a Hibs pub. For this reason, we were keen to film in an actual Hibs pub to film in. Previously, members of the course have shot in pubs The Golden Rule and Bennetts, but we were keen to avoid them for three reasons:

They would be immediately recognisable to members of the course

Getting an actual pub in Leith would add to the sense of place, and would mean we could showcase the pub as opposed to have to avoid any signifiers to its location

Depending on which pub we shot in, they may have had an aversion to the Hibs team, leading to our presence being unwelcomed

Jack and Ben had started by going to a well known Hibs pub called The Harp and Castle pub, but the idea of filming was apparently curtly rejected. We then identified a bunch of good pubs we could visit, with the intention being to start in Leith, working our way up Leith walk, then go to The Antiquary (as we had a contact there whose name we could bring up) and then try the Golden Rule if we didn't have any success elsewhere. Thankfully, the first pub we went to (Wilkies Bar and Lounge) were happy for us to film there, so we didn't have to spend the day going from bar to bar.

For Brandon’s friends, we got two of the people we had spoken to another other roles to come along: Charlie Robertson (an actor with Leitheatre who had been interesting in the role of Brandon but was happy to take the role of Craig) and Percy Richter (a singer who had just moved to Edinburgh and was just keen to be involved in a film), and our friend Sean Dinwoodie. We had secured an actor for the homeless man but he pulled out three days prior to the shoot, leaving us in a tough position, as unlike Brandon’s friends, the beggar was a tough role to get to feel authentic and not a role you can plug by just casting a friend. However, remembering Jack’s success contacting Leith theatre, I sent them a casting call to see if anyone was interested, and received a response from Calum Robb, who had a very impressive beard that made him ideal for the role. The pub made for a good location, the guys all did a good job, and with the exception of Sean and Ben (who had to make a cameo when one of the supporting actors slept in), we have managed to avoid any familiar faces!

Robert’s House Shoot 2 (13th of April)

We had a lot of key scenes to get through but everyone was on top form, and we worked at a solid pace, getting everything we needed.

Post-Production:

Editing:

I have been forewarned about the risks of directing and editing a film, but so far I think things have gone ok.

My first week of editing was just cutting all the scenes together. The first scene was particularly difficult, as it involved a lot of overlapping dialogue and editing around the performances. Starting on this had me worried for the rest of the film, but the other scenes were all much easier, as it didn't have to edit around anything, and it was just a matter of choosing the best parts of each take. I tried editing the final knock in different ways, to convey the passing of time without taking too much time, but found the scene worked best when just allowed to run in full. Once I had a rough cut, I started to refine the edit and brought the guys in to give me their thoughts, so I could get some alternative opinions.

After some discussion and more editing, we eventually had everything in place. Then it just became a matter of seeing what to cut, if there were any lines of the dialogue that could go or shots that could be shortened, as the film was a minute and a bit over the runtime. Thankfully, we managed to get the edit to the approved length before we had to either start butchering scenes or taking them out all together.

The sound design process mainly involved syncing the audio, adding in a bunch of folio sounds we recorded and the Leith tracks that we have recorded over the semester. I tried some more creative stuff in some scenes (like have the audio all fade out when Robert approaches the door for the first time, to show Brandon being in the zone) but was not quite able to pull them off, so just kept the scenes quite simple instead.

[incorrect-everlost-quotes]

Mikey: I prevented a murder today.

Nick: Really? How?

Mikey: Self-control.

[drawingdullahan]

Beware the McGill...

----

*leans into mic* Is there an Everlost fandom on tumblr? No? Well here have one (1) Mikey McGill anyways

Clawing himself out of the center of the earth was a pretty pro gamer move of him tbh :/

[here-come-headcanons]

Allie: I shoulda left you on that street corner where you were standing...

Mikey: Butcha didnt.

[amazingmsme]

Mikey McGill has attempted to used his power to change his clothes. The result was pink overalls. (You said you wanted headcanons at some point so here you go)

Omg I love this!! How did you even find that post, it was ages ago? Bless you, this is the kinda content we DESERVE! My guy be lookin spiffy!

[lavendertintedafterlight]

If those last three sentences don’t cause anxiety and suspense, idk what does

[tygertyger137]

EVERLOST TRILOGY SPOILERS

I just finished Everfound!! AMAZING series!! I would totally recommend it. But something that just made me really sad was when Mikey went into the light. I get that it's his time to go and everything, and that Allie wanted a chance at living, but that kinda destroyed me just a little bit. It's gonna be like Peter Pan and Wendy. Allie is going to grow up. She's going to do the normal human things- go to college, get married, have kids etc. And Mikey is going to be waiting for her. Maybe time passes differently in the light, but still. I just don't want my favorite couple separated okay!! Neal Shusterman really knows how to write OTPs.

[zo-artsy]

Do you R I S E above or S I N K down below

[syscardinal]

Skinjacker Series - Mikey Mcgill ( SKETCH )

I really REALLY love this character 

[pithia]

Love turns a heart to crystal. Much more valuable, but much more fragile.

Mikey McGill (Everfound by Neal Shusterman)

[semper-legens]

58. Everwild, by Neal Shusterman

Owned: Yes Page count: 424 My summary: Mary wants children to stay in Everlost forever. Nick wants them to find the light. Allie wants to find her parents. But there are battles to be fought and secrets to uncover for each of them, as their paths take them further away from everything they know. With Everlost in the balance, will they be able to retain themselves for long, or fall into chaos? My rating: 4/5

Next up on Everlost, things go Absolutely To Shit! In, like, a narratively satisfying way, I mean. Things go to shit in the story, not the narrative is bad. Anyway. I thought I remembered a lot more about this series than I do, but as it turns out I mostly have memories of the first book with random details from the later ones. Which is fine, it just makes reading these books a different experience from how I assumed it would be.

All the kids split off into their own storylines in this one - Allie is still my favourite, I think. She’s with Mikey/the McGill, trying to get home. I like how headstrong she is, how focused on her goal above all other concerns, and also how petty her persistent feud with Mary is. I don’t really like how there’s a lot of romance subplot for her, but eh, it’s handled ok, and Nick also has one to balance things out. This book is really about skinjacking, a power some afterlights have to possess mortals - Allie is a skinjacker, and learns the trade from another afterlight, Milo. That Milo is a giant piece of shit is obvious to anyone even vaguely familiar with his sort of character archetype, but I did appreciate how the story was still written in an engaging enough way that I wasn’t bored by this.

Nick’s story really deals with issues of humanity, and what it means to hold onto who you are. He came to Everlost with a small patch of chocolate smeared on his cheek, but now he’s picked up the nickname ‘the Chocolate Ogre’, and is slowly turning to chocolate. The more ogrelike he becomes, the easier it is to complete his quest and defeat Mary - but at the cost of Nick, what makes him the person he once was. It’s an interesting idea for the book to be exploring, and seeing Nick make choices between his humanity and his mission is heartbreaking. One thing I didn’t like with Nick is this constant insistence that he’s in love with Mary - my aversion to romance plots aside, he’s fifteen. ‘In love’ feels way strong for a teenager. Maybe that’s just me.

Mary is a great villain. I’ve been thinking about this since I finished reading, I really love her. She’s the perfect blend of self-interest and delusions of grandeur, given enough humanity that the reader can in some way engage and sympathise with her, but at the same time utterly monstrous. In the first book, she was an antagonist but not necessarily a villain - she did seem to genuinely want what’s best for the kids in her care. Here, however, she takes a big jump off that slippery slope. I won’t spoil here what the Bad Thing is (I will in the next post) but when she realises the Bad Thing is happening and doesn’t just condone it but encourage it? It’s genuinely chilling.

Skinjacking is a huge theme of this book, and the other Big Thing that happens in this book revolves around the secret of skinjacking. (Again, not gonna spoil here, will in the next one.) This is one where, unlike the Bad Thing which is obvious to anyone who thinks about it, it’s harder to see coming, although it’s certainly well-foreshadowed and built up to in the book. And the story doesn’t shy away from how messed up it can be! Allie is possessing mortals, seeing inside their brains, taking over their bodies, and that’s kind of fucked up! We know Allie has good intentions, but with Milo and his gang we see how that can be used for less moral acts - and then there’s Jackin’ Jill. (Sidenote - I love all the pun names.) I like that the series isn’t afraid to both ask and answer these moral questions, and give the kids a more complex morality.

Not that it always lands. There’s a real cringey bit of the book where Zinnia, in life a teenage Confederate soldier, and a black kid implied to have been a slave in life, meet and decide ultimately to get along because their ghost glow is the same colour. It’s...simplistic. And bludgeon-you-over-the-head type of unsubtle. I mean, I get it, but hoo boy is it just a weird turn for the book to take into overt after-school special level Hey Kids Racism Is Bad.

That’s all here, folks - next up, the end of the series!

[keroujack]

break on through

billy doesn't really get it. Them. the Doors.

he's from california and they were california grown so the people around here have this like, pride and attachment to them he can kind of see.

if he squints. for a few minutes.

if he squints harder he can remember the day the news came on the radio, the guy's voice that said it. ‘jim morrison of the doors found dead at 27 in paris’

he thinks of his mom, the way she gasped and moved a little closer to the radio on the counter, the way his dad rounded the corner a minute later and turned it off with a huff, said ‘got what was coming to him. just what happens when you choose to live like that.’ 

so billy, he's aware of them. the Doors. he's got friends that listen to them. doesn't turn them off when they come on the radio, but he never stops long enough to actually listen. like, really listen. doesn't totally give them the time of day because he likes metal. likes the way it makes his blood too hot for his body. metal's good. it's loud and angry and he just. gets that. it gets him. it works

but he gets in a fight with neil one night, a bad one. storms out of the house without a thought in hell as to where he's gonna go until he remembers mikey's parents are out of town so, mikey's house. that sounds like a good idea.

he knocks on the door and mikey answers and billy can hear the record playing from somewhere behind him, hears the strain of ‘you know the day destroys the night, night divides the day’ and it feels oddly fitting when they break into the liquor cabinet after billy's been running so long while ‘tried to run, tried to hide’ is yelling in the next room over.

mikey doesn't stop the music while they sit back in his room, the record's spinning somewhere over in the corner and billy's head's been spinning since he left the house and it's getting worse since he started drinking but. the music keeps going. he doesn't hate it. laughs a little too loud when, a few songs in, he hears ‘yeah i'm a back door man’ and laughs harder when mikey doesn't get it. because of course he wouldn't. billy doesn't try to explain it. and they just keep listening

soon enough, they're on the last song and billy's drunker than he thought. the song, it's kinda. peaceful. in a weird way. kinda hypnotic. and the words start. and billy lays back with his head on the carpet. stares at the ceiling. listens. 

‘can you picture what will be, so limitless and free?’

and he can't. actually. billy's never been limitless or free a day in his life. and he can't help but close his eyes and wonder what that would be like. keeps listening. lets the words wrap around him and make him kinda sleepy and then the singing stops and he's, jim morrison's, well, talking. and talking. and billy's so far gone and he's so angry and so drunk and ‘father? yes son. i want to kill you’

and oh billy gets that. and then the talking stops. and jim morrison's screaming

and billy kinda gets it now

because this guy, he does that. he screams and billy's been screaming for so long he doesn't know how he's got any of his voice left. and this guy, he screams and he says 'fuck’. on the radio. he screams and he says 'fuck’ and he's got this face that says ‘look at me’, this voice that says, ‘listen to me’ and billy says, ‘look at me. listen to me’ wherever he goes and

people? they were sad when he died. jim morrison. he screamed and said ‘fuck’ and demanded attention and got it and got arrested on stage and they were sad. they cried. some people are still crying and billy realizes maybe abrasive doesn't mean bad. not if people are crying over you.

and billy loves it.

and then he's in hawkins.

he's in hawkins and his face is still stinging where he got slapped and it's january and january in hawkins means awfully fucking cold and steve harrington is walking along the side of the road and billy's just stupid enough, just feeling out of himself enough to stop the car and let him in.

they don't say anything. harrington doesn't thank him. billy doesn't ask why he was walking along the side of the road in hawkins in january. the radio eats at the silence. 

and then the drums, billy knows those drums, and that voice, ‘five to one, baby, one in five’, billy certainly knows that voice, comes in and he turns the radio up. tilts his head back. screams with jim morrison the way he's been doing since mikey's house and he's halfway through ‘trade in your hours for a handful of dimes’ when he realizes harrington's looking at him

but billy doesn't stop. screams. screams and screams and screams and harrington's just got this look on his face billy doesn't know how to interpret, like maybe billy's crazy. and billy knows he's crazy, knows harrington knows it, so he doesn't stop.

turns out, harrington needed to scream a little, too. and billy’s glad to know how pretty he looks when he does. 

fast forward. december 8th 1987. they're in california. steve came with him. billy's at ucla (which had ‘nothing to do with the fact that jim morrison went to ucla, how the fuck do you even know that, steve?’) and things are. good. they're so good.

december's the end of the semester and billy's a little stressed about finals and he's cooking dinner while steve's on his way home from work because he needs to stop worrying about tests so much and it's 

‘december 8th’, the guy on the radio says, ‘jim morrison's birthday. he would've been 44 today, but he belongs to the 27 club forever’ and so he says they're gonna play Soft Parade straight through to celebrate.

billy rolls his eyes. Soft Parade kinda sucks. Objectively speaking. fuckin pop nonense. but he doesn't turn the radio off.

he maybe kinda likes the second song. that's it. might be dancing around the kitchen, humming under his breath, ‘c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon now, touch me babe,’

doesn't hear steve come through the door. doesn't see him at the edge of the room.

hums ‘what was that promise that you made? i'm gonna love you til the heavens stop the rain. i'm gonna love you til the stars fall from the sky, for you and i’ and only notices steve is there when he laughs.

a soft little thing.

and billy feels his cheeks heat.

plays it off by getting a little louder. hams it up. bops around and holds the spoon up to his mouth with two hands like he's seen jim morrison do on tv reruns and makes a show out of singing at steve. 

but steve's still got this little smile on his lips by the time the song changes. billy wants to wipe it off. feels too hot with it.

gets real close and says, ‘well, you gonna touch me, babe, or what?’ but it doesn't make steve blush like he wants. at all.

steve's actually reaching up to hold the side of his neck. real soft. like billy didn't just come at him with some cheesy pickup line.

says, ‘you gonna keep that promise that you made if i do?’

it's still ringing in billy's ears. didn't know steve had really been listening.

i'm gonna love you til the heavens stop the rain

and billy's thinking well. duh. because they haven't said it. not really. not in so many words. like, he knows it, but he hasn't said it. still can't quite say it.

so he nods. and steve nods, too

he still hates Soft Parade. and it's been a couple weeks since the radio played it all the way through.

but he, well. likes Morrison Hotel. loves it. top to bottom. from ‘the future's uncertain and the end is always near’ to ‘roll on, roll on, Maggie McGill’ and he's got a tape of it he bought because it's his favorite and he's got it in because he had a bad day.

bad week.

semester's in full swing and steve's been working a lot and steam's been building between billy's ears so long and he just. needs to scream. needs a little jim morrison telling him it's okay to scream and say ‘fuck’ today.

so Morrison Hotel's in while he's got shit on the stove

and steve comes home while he's leaning with his back against the counter. arms crossed on his chest while he waits for water to boil and moves his head along with the guitar behind ‘he was a monster, black dressed in leather’ because it's familiar and

so's steve. who gets it. who sits himself up on the counter behind billy and pulls him back to lean on him, wraps his arms around billy from behind and rests his nose in his neck. sways with him and the guitar and jim morrison

and the song changes. and it's. softer. softest billy knows of them.

‘i love you the best, better than all the rest’ 

and he's. singing it. under his breath. isn't afraid of singing it with steve listening and so close. he's not trying to put on a show or play it off.

he's had a bad week and steve's here-he's here, holding billy real close because it's been a bad week and steve knows it has been so he. doesn't care.

says words he means and doesn't let his head get the best of him when he can feel steve smiling against his neck. when the song fades to the next, louder, more upbeat, and steve leans forward. whispers into his ear

‘you too’

and it's been so long that billy's been screaming with jim morrison. letting the music tell him it's okay, that it's okay to scream, that he's kinda glad it gave him this, too.

that it told him ‘i love you’ is okay, too

[incorrect-everlost-quotes]

Mikey: I don’t do relationships.

Allie: [exists]

Mikey:

Mikey: Fuck.