#mikeyj529

[writteninjoy2]

Soldier down, this last one's for you, Mikey.

[jayarrarr]

Memoria, Pace

The song is shared not for its sentiment, but because it was his favorite Otis Redding song, and Otis Redding was one of his favorite musicians.

32.8407˚ N. 83.6324˚ W.

Those are the coordinates of Macon, Georgia, where we first met in person. The month of May, 2015, seems like a lifetime ago. In many ways it is. We met there not because it was Otis Redding’s birthplace, but because it was nearly exactly halfway between Orlando, Florida, where he was living at the time, and Nashville, Tennessee, where I live.

In Macon, the both of us found something of a kindred spirit as we explored the sweet humidity of the town and each other. And so it was that Michael, @mikeyj529, came to live in Nashville with me just a few months later.

He always described himself as a simple man. He was a dedicated writer, utterly unafraid of the toil and tedium of working on something of magnitude. He had dreams, but those dreams were grounded in a careful, cautious confidence. He treated others with unwavering kindness, but he was always direct. I loved him well, but in the end I didn’t love him right.

We ended our romantic partnership in January, 2017, but we remained friends, continuing to support each other as we charted separate courses. We knew that, regardless of what happened, we had found something special in Macon. Something of love. At most, maybe something of home. At least, each other.

This morning, Michael departed this plane of existence. But I still carry a piece of him, as surely as he took a piece of me.

© 2018 by Jennifer R.R. Mueller

[pomegranatepithos]

on loss and beauty

souled and inconsolable a heart untethered tears

stretches, rends

breaks

in this, what comes after for those with eyes lifting to the rising balloon and

the words tied on a string

[fakesurprise]

departed the wicker squall

“I sent a message last night that I won’t get a reply to and it was a really good one you know!”

I turn. Jay is walking beside me, and no one notices his arrival because it doesn’t occur to him that they would. I’m used to that, but there is something different in his tone.

“You won’t?” I ask.

Jay shoves his phone up into my face. I read a post. Another. Oh.

“The Cult of Aeon incident, with Mikey. I remember that,” I say, because I’m never going to forget the person who got Jay drunk. Jay hasn’t been able to hide his nature quite as well recently: that was part of it, I think. Sometimes even adventures are more than they seem.

“The cult is hiding. I went looking,” Jay says as he puts his phone away. I suspect it is best for this cult that Jay couldn’t find them. “And! you didn’t like him, Charlie!”

“Jay. He got you drunk. No one should have done that. No one should have been able to get away with it.”

“And and and I said we’d meet him again cuz ‘Michael is a vessel’ and now we won’t because he’s gone and –” there is a hitch to his breath – “and I want to know why you did it!”

The last words are screamed with all the fury of a boy of eleven who isn’t eleven at all. I’ve seen Jay obliterate monsters with such a scream, destroy every binding that holds a hotel room together. Other things I try not to think about, and never to dream of. This time they’re only words, their fury only – only! – hurt.

“Jay.” I hug him, tightly. He could escape. He doesn’t, trembling against me. “That was nothing I did.”

“But he’th gone, Charlie,” Jay lisps.

A small part of me almost wants to laugh. In Jay’s mind, I am the scariest person he knows. Even in grief, his logic is jaysome.

He hasn’t lisped in years. “People go to places where they can’t come back from. Adventures even a Jay can’t have with them,” I say.

“I wanted to. Honcho says it would be a bad idea.” He sniffs.

I imagine ‘bad idea’ were hardly the words the wandering magician used. “And it would be a very bad binding to – bring someone back from those adventures,” I say. Normally I’d like to think Jay wouldn’t think of that, but he’s had adventures in Mikey’s stories before. And grief isn’t something he is good with.

As if anyone of us are. As though grief could be something one gets good at.

I let go gently. Jay sniffs again. “It’s not right or fair and and I’m not allowed to fix it?!”

“There are fixes that always cause more dangers,” I say. “The universe is –.”

“I know all about that. And we’re going to have words about that someday,” he says firmly.

I have no idea what ‘we’ is he talking about. I decide it’s safer not to know.

“I bet he is busy saurusing and being a T-Rex in a tiara just like White Jesus was!”

I stare at Jay longer than usual. I’d like to pretend this is Jay just being his literal self, but Mikey did successfully get Jay drunk and somehow avoided dealing with me after, properly. “I bet he is. And sometimes people need their own jaysome adventures, but the memory of you is part of them too.”

“Oh. Okay.” Jay is quiet a few moments. “It still doesn’t – it isn’t –.”

“I know,” I say as gently as I dare. “There is time to be sad, and time to be other than sad. And all of which is jaysome, even the sadness.”

“Oh!” Jay gapes at that. “I didn’t – oooh,” he says.

I brace myself, but nothing terrible happens. Yet.

“Thankth, Charlie,” he says with a huge grin, then vanishes.

I text the wandering magician, to make sure Jay went and joined him. Then I check Mikey’s blog, and walk into a bar. Jay isn’t allowed to drink, so I have one for him. In memory, for memory. Because adventures never end the way anyone intends, but that changes nothing at all that matters.

[torrentialmonsoon]

In memory of @mikeyj529. Your words will continue to be the light in the darkness. 

[writteninjoy2]

Dear Mikey,

I didn't know you well enough, and it's my fault. Now your gone, I find myself going back and reading, and re-reading, your work. Your brilliant talent always did stand out from the crowd, you should have known it. It's obvious to me your talents were vast.

What I find myself so drawn to now is the obviousness of your generosity, and kindness, to all of us who you interacted with here on tumblr.

Those heady days of immersion in the Tumblr Writing Community have long passed, but I'm grateful to have crossed your path, and to have witnessed the gift of your words.

So thank you, Mikey. You gave us sincerity of thought, entertaining stories, generosity of spirit, smiles, and laughter. You are missed. ❤

Every writer here on Tumblr slays me. When I first started back in May, I had one, maybe two good threads for stories, planned to publish them for some feedback, and be I my merry way.

It never occurred to me that I’d find a writing community with such devotees to the written word, be it prose or poetry or academic, who all communicate in turns whimsical and moody, neat and sprawling. Almost always with braggadocio. And I stayed.

The few people I’ve met and fewer people I’ve come to know (and hopefully those I’ve yet to meet) have been an unbelievable source of inspiration and comfort because half the time I really don’t know what I’m doing.

But I’m sure having fun not knowing what I’m doing.

Who’d have thought this virtual community of minds was better than any experience I’ve had in real life? Either the poets or prosaists I hung with never gave so much feedback so consistently.

Sure, the aspiration of every writer is to write the best piece possible, with attention to detail, structure, syntax and language. And every piece I write is a process of discovery in each of those aspects, never perfect and always in need of improvement.

What I felt was only storytelling to a void has become a garden where my stories have flourished in their own ways. My goal has never been 1,000,000 notes or blue tags, and the attention my writing gets is always humbling.

There’s no denying the TWC has been immeasurably supportive, not for my confidence as a writer but also as a meeting ground for some great people.

Everyday I’m learning how to be a better person, thanks in no small part to the brilliant minds that produce pieces on a level that I may never reach.

It isn’t about competition, really. It’s motivation. Not about being better than this or that writer, but about what I can learn from this or that writer. And I’m learning with each read.

So, thank you all–writers and editors, novices and veterans, prosaists and poets–you’ve given this writer something absent in his heart for a long time: hope.

[lebuc]

answers

* where lies our security? * where lies our rest, repose from the maelstrom, the windmills' tilt against truth and its tellers? * one who sought seeks nevermore. * we trust he shall send missives from expanse' realm where questions have answers... * at least one...why. * R.I.P. Mikey * 1/18 - lebuc - answers

[mikeymemories]

Mikeyj529 from 1/2015

mikeyj529

this happiness cannot sustain the way deserts shape their sands like melodies drifting in the wind i have the sun in my eyes, this gift whispers a song to my heart there is no name for this culture so arid, it’s forgery is indecipherable these husks of static and discord dance sinuously for lost freedom a fluidity imposed by will, my oasis blooms beyond the mirage what offers this horizon, an outline spanning distances of burnt sienna with raging fires underfoot here is my sacrifice, it will suffice one step at a time, ever closer long to a deep and dusky goodnight

lzlabs

In dedication to mikeyj529 

Your eyes have closed but I know you hear our whispers as we all feel this loss for friends are never made but recognized with love in every word you wrote you will live on  here and in our hearts forever

#poetry#loss of a dear friend and fellow writer#his words live on

[randomlyjay]

Q&A

Rules: Fill in these 92 statements and I got taggified by @jakub-beralski​ and! @oneamateurgirl1612​

THE LAST: 1. Drink: Hot Chocolate! :D 2. Phone call: Charlie 3. Text message: Also Charlie, about where I was!  4. Song you listened to: Sea Fever by John Masefield since someone sang it!  5. Time you cried: uhm, i maybe don’t want to think about that, k? HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: Uh-huh! 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I think so, cuz it went pretty weirdy! 8. Been cheated on: I guess?! Cuz Cthulhu maybe tried to steal power from a Jay! 9. Lost someone special: I’ve known people who have deactivated their tumblrs! :( 10. Been depressed: Nope! 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Wow. Not even once! I have had a drink before though!  LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. Honcho! 13. Charlie 14. Me! IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Of course! 16. Fallen out of love: Not yet! 17. Laughed until you cried: Wow, no?! 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Uh-huh! @fakesurprise​ does allll the time I bet! 19. Met someone who changed you: All my friends on tumblr! :) 20. Found out who your friends are: That’s #19 you know! 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list:  Uhm. Nope, since @onxyofborg isn’t Logan you know!

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: None :( 23. Do you have any pets: Nope since I tend to have to kinda give them back! 24. Do you want to change your name: ... why would a Jay do that?! 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I had adventures! 26. What time did you wake up: 2:30 and then 4:30 and even 7 cuz that’s when Charlie and Honcho got up! 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Doing a sleeping! 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Adventures! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: (not answering this at all and it’s a really rude and meany question to a Jay!) 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Nothing cuz mine is jaysome! 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yup! 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: My skin! 34. Most visited Website: Tumblr of course!

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: Nope :( 36. Mark/s: I do really good at getting those in tests! 37. Childhood dream: To have more adventures! 38. Hair color: It changes a lot since my hair has adventures too! 39. Long or short hair: That’s the same as #38 :D 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Charlie says it’s safest if I don’t! 

41. What do you like about yourself: Wow! There are things I shouldn’t like about me?! 42. Piercings: Nope! 43. Blood type: Jay :) 44. Nickname: Lots of them, but Charlie says I can’t repeat most of those words! 45. Relationship status: Jaysome! 46. Zodiac: All of them I bet! 47. Pronouns: Jay/Jaysome/Jaysomesauce 48. Favourite TV Show: Eurovison I bet! 50. Right or left hand: I have both! 51. Surgery: Nope! 52. Hair dyed in different colour: Not yet! I bet that would be an adventure! 53. Sport: I’m good at lots of them! 55. Vacation: Nope, unless adventures count?! 56. Pair of trainers: Huh? You mean Charlie and Honcho cuz they train me about lots of things!  MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: Food! 58. Drinking: Drinks! 59. I’m about to: Have more adventures! 61. Waiting for: Honcho! 62. Want: More jaysome adventures of course! 63. Get married: I will in the future! 64. Career: Being me! 65. Hugs or kisses: Both! 66. Lips or eyes: I have both of those too! 67. Shorter or taller: Jaysome! 68. Older or younger: It depends on when I am! 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I bet I do! 71. Sensitive or loud: Jaysome! 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship :D 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Ooopsmaker!

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: Nope! 75. Drank hard liquor: I don’t think so, but @mikeyj529 would know! 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: N/A 77. Turned someone down: Nope! 78. Sex in the first date: Uhm. Nope! 79. Broken someone’s heart: I really hope not! 80. Had your heart broken: Maybe?!. 81. Been arrested: Once but it was an accident! 82. Cried when someone died: :( 83. Fallen for a friend: I try not to fall unless it’s an oopscident! DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: Yup! :D 85. Miracles: Bindings?! 86. Love at first sight: You mean more bindings?! 87. Santa Claus: uhm. don’t want to talk about him :( 88. Kiss on the first date: Nope! 89. Angels: I’ve met them so yup!

OTHER: 90. Current best friends’ names: Charlie, Honcho! 91. Eye colour: Jaysome too! 92. Favourite movies: The Jurassic Park movies of course!

[writteninjoy2]

not understanding the blithely by

when all I crave is solace, but to cry

for men standing all alone

in world I have never known

where miracles crept from silent lips

to pages written-

so vastly more than this

[jayarrarr]

This Is My Story

Monday, January 22, 2018. Twenty days after the one-year anniversary of the day you chose to end our romantic relationship, but I shouldn’t think of it that way. Still, I do. Still I think: January is a bad month for us.

9:18 a.m. I was having a good day. A productive day. I was working. I got a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize. I sent it to voicemail, because (a) working; (b) number I didn’t recognize. I got a voicemail. I listened to it. I immediately called that number back, because you were in trouble, and I had been called because I was (still) listed as your emergency contact at work, despite the fact that we’d communicated only sporadically. I was confused, flustered, but focused. When called to act, I put emotion to the side and act. I recalled that I was friends with your sister on Facebook. I messaged her. It was the only contact to your family I had. I was frantic, but tried to remain calm. I had done what I could, but what if “what I could” wasn’t enough? I wanted to rush to you, but it seems that wasn’t what was needed. I wish I could have done more.

Did I tell you I’m getting up earlier now? I can’t remember. I’m routinely getting up around 6:00 a.m. Monday was a good day. I’d accomplished a lot and was optimistic for the day ahead, until you shot it to shit. It reminded me of the day you broke up with me, the day I’d been super productive and was so proud of myself for having accomplished everything I set out to do, and even ahead of schedule, and then you dropped that bomb on me. I couldn’t help thinking “This is just like Michael.” Because you did have a knack for giving me bad news on a good day.

I texted the same number. I let them know that I had sent Facebook messages to your sister and your parents. I wasn’t connected to your parents on Facebook, but I sent messages anyway. I got thanks, then later a text I never thought I’d get. 10:23 a.m. “Please try them again, it’s the worst way to find out but Michael passed.”

My response was “Oh FUCK.” I was pissed. For some reason, I felt I hadn’t done enough. I’m the fucking emergency contact and I haven’t done my job. I don’t know what to do. Nothing seems real.

A bit later, I talk to your sister. When she speaks I can tell she’s crying, and I feel relief because that means I don’t have to tell her the news I’ve just heard. I’ve never done that before. I don’t know how it’s done. I’m reeling.

Things get quiet and I try to get back to work. I’m under deadline, I have things I have to do. Things that are difficult to concentrate on. You and I had so much unfinished, so much undone. We were getting there, slowly. We thought we had all the time in the world.

People deal with grief in different ways. I deal with mine through writing. When you ended our romantic relationship, I wrote you a letter. Remember? It was over 20k words long and I wrote it in less than 24 hours. I was insecure about a lot of things. I felt I’d had the rug pulled out from under me, and I was searching for answers. How did what I thought we had erode into what it had become? I had to admit that we’d reached a place of distance and opposition, but I couldn’t track its origins, and that was something that irked me. I felt I could write it out. In the end, I couldn’t. But I did. I wrote until i couldn’t write anymore, and that was that.

And maybe that’s what I’m doing here, just trying to make some sense of why and how you’re gone. It’s not fair and it’s not right, but I guess that’s life. Sometimes I’m angry at you. Because you told me you’d never leave me and look, you did. That’s a terribly selfish thing to think, but I think it nonetheless.

Our mutual friend, known affectionately as The Monkey, wrote a poem for you. There’s a line that sticks with me: “the greed of our grief.” It’s one of those lines that makes you go “nope, I never wrote a damn thing in my life.” But grief is greedy. Your life doesn’t belong to me; it never did. I should be grateful for the time I had with you. And I am.

And now, all I have are memories and a promise you once made that you would always be with me and support me, no matter what. I’m holding you to that shit.

This isn’t my story, after all. This is our story. And it’s not over yet.

© 2018 by Jennifer R.R. Mueller

[leftiswhatgodmademe]

(Richard Grampa Pogue)

@storiavitali @amended-noumenon @abstractdevelopment @remnant-thoughts @bg-grizzo @arckhaic @the-little-king-5 @bg-grizzo @mikeyj529 @imperiallefty

[writteninjoy2]

It's my favorite, Mikey, don't mind if I do.... tonight, it's this one:

Fuck twelve-hour work shifts.

Anyone fancy a drink? First round’s on me.

[torrentialmonsoon]

a departure of your soul, the wither of your skin, the end of your journey, the birth of melancholy. but your words will always remain. this place shall remember you always. always. I’m a whole day late to finding out about your departure, @mikeyj529. I hope the other side is better than this one. R.I.P. Michael.

[randomlyjay]

“Charlie,Charlie –.” Jay hiccups as he bounces into a street pole from around a corner toward me. “Charlie!”

“Jay.”

“Did you know that beer is really jaysome?!”

I pause. Jay is eleven, even if he’s not really that at all. Pointing out that eleven year old boys – even ones from far Outside the universe – don’t drink beer would only confuse him since he clearly has had beer. “For some, I imagine, it is. You had a lot?”

“Uh-huh! It’s made bindings get really wobbly and that’s a new adventure!”

“Who talked you into this?”

“Uhm. They won’t get into trouble? Cuz that’s your ‘getting people into trouble’ tone, Charlie!”

I am amazed Jay thinks I have only one tone like that. “They won’t.”

“It was @mikeyj529 and they said beer is jaysome and I could use hops and make even MORE jaysome beer!”

“Oh.”

“A lot of rabbits helped me,” he says proudly. I blink. “Because I figured it would be jaysome to share the hopping!”

“Of course it was. Now, however, you need to get sober.”

“I can do that!” Jay frowns. “Oooh. Beer is a tough binding to get rid of, Charlie!”

“Yes, yes it is. How much did you drink?”

“A jaysome amount, of course!”

I consider Jay. And hangovers. And really, really wish I hadn’t promised him that no one would be  in trouble because of this.

[jayarrarr]

For the record, yes.

This:

is utterly adorable.

As for flirting, I strongly believe in enthusiastic consent.