#millennihilism

[silverbridge-harbor]

Iconography in modern UI has so many relics of the ancient past

save icon being a floppy disk

the phone app being an old bone shaped handset

voicemail being a picture of a recording tape

"home" being represented by an actual house

[celestemagnoliathewriter]

Ok ok ok so this is something I have pondered for a bit now that I have re-entered the Remadora fandom again for the first time for probably almost 15 years. As you seem to be the de facto keeper of some of the deepest headcanons of this niche topic, I am curious what your take is.

Question: How many people do you think know, at least initially/when it happened, knew Remus left?

Hear me out here. Ok so the book isn’t remotely clear how long he was gone because we only get an update in like Feb/March when Ron returns but the Pottermore bio that he was actually gone for like 3 days, which is still absolutely a dick move, but significantly different than being gone for *months.*

Now, most fics I’ve read at any point have included him *saying* in some form that he’s leaving, either in the form of a letter of sorts, or I do really like TauraNorma’s whole scene in Flying Colours in which it’s an in-person conversation, but beyond dissociated from reality on his part.

But, if I were in her position, I don’t know how much I’d divulge to others? It would certainly be a difficult position. If she did stay with her parents for that period, or after, (I do love Remus saying she’d safe at her parents’ house as if they didn’t literally just get tortured. Bro. Really?) she *does* have some plausible deniability of “he had to go to some Order business” to them to have some shield for her own embarrassment.

Maybe to Molly and Arthur as a “hey if my husband lands at your house or something, wanna shoot me a message?” but past that I’m not 100% sure how I land with others knowing. It seems very possible to me that when Ron is with Billy and Fleur, Ron, while listening to Potterwatch or something, offhandedly asks them if he ever went back to Tonks and them being like sorry wat. And Ron having the unfortunate task of regaling what happened at Grimmauld Place in August. I could definitely see it spreading from there and more of their acquaintances finding out from that discussion but obviously Tonks is like 8 months pregnant and they’ve been living together seemingly the entire time.

Ok I’m sorry this ended up shockingly long. I may not have been entirely sober when furiously typing it out the first time.

Ahhhh what a compelling ask, @millennihilism!

I'm honored you consider me the de facto keeper of the HCs on this, but I'll also be the first to say that there are a LOT of differing opinions on this one because of the lack of canon data.

You're correct that Pottermore says that Remus was only gone about 3 days. We have no idea what circumstances he left Tonks in. Letter? In person? Dashing away in the night without a word? Who knows.

From a close reading of DH, there's no indication of how long Remus was gone. You could say 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 8 months ... technically all canon compliant if you're not using Pottermore as a source.

That being said, my personal HC is no more than a week, and again, I know that many people would disagree with this assessment of Remus's absence, but I believe it's a shorter absence for many reasons, including an answer to your question of how many people knew that he left her.

Remus is a dick, but he's not *THAT* much of a dick. He's a coward, but he's not *THAT* much of a coward. Remus does have a good bit of kindness in him, and he's brave enough to do the right thing when push comes to shove. Harry literally shoved him. I think that put Remus squarely in his place and shamed him enough to return to Tonks.

Remus's support system is down to almost nothing. He presumably has the following people outside of Tonks: Molly and Arthur, Bill and Fleur. That's it. He thought he had the trio, but that wasn't true, given Harry rebuking him.

We know from Remus that he's been tailed by a Death Eater for three days before he came to Grimmauld Place. If he's been tailed by a Death Eater, where could he have been? Certainly not the Burrow, where they'd find him. Certainly not Shell Cottage, as it's under the Fidelius Charm, presumably. So that gives us an idea that if he was tailed by a Death Eater for three days (curiously, the amount of time Pottermore tells us he was gone for), and just now got to GP to talk to the trio, he's been on the go for three days by the time he gets to the trio.

Because there is nowhere to go for Remus, that puts him in an awkward position. I don't think that anyone outside the Tonkses knew he left her. I think that Remus left, and Tonks vacillated between being sure he was coming back and being really terrified and scared that something would happen to him. Oh, and anger. Lots of righteous anger. I can imagine she told her parents by way of explaining that she was living with them now. It's possible she told him he was on a mission, but they didn't believe her.

Because of the 3 day ordeal of being tailed by a Death Eater, this is why I do NOT think that Remus went to the Burrow or Shell Cottage before he came to GP, or after, for that matter. While we know that Remus knows about Shell Cottage - when he announces Teddy's birth in the spring - we don't know when that information was given to him. I don't think Lupin could've been gone for months and months because we do know that Ron was at Shell Cottage, and he didn't mention Lupin being there. It's possible Lupin went to Shell Cottage for a few weeks, but I'm also not buying that for other reasons.

Bill is the most lenient and understanding of the brothers, but there's a huge difference to me between Ron leaving his friends when times got tough and Lupin leaving his pregnant wife in the middle of a war. Plus, think of Fleur. Do you really think Fleur would be okay with Lupin crashing at her house to avoid his responsibilities? She gushes about how brave her husband is in the hospital wing scene. She'd look at Lupin like the tiniest and most miserable snail in the world if he dared use her home as a hiding place from his wife.

I also don't think that Bill and Fleur would be on Remus's side over Tonks. Bill was two years ahead of Tonks in school. Bill might have kinship with Remus after being attacked by Fenrir Greenback, but that kinship, IMO, is not going to be enough to defend Lupin's actions on leaving his wife. I also believe Lupin knew this, which is why I staunchly believe that Lupin NEVER went to Shell Cottage in his time away from Tonks.

So at the end of the day, who knew that Lupin left Tonks? Initially, likely only the trio and the Tonkses. Remus returns fairly quickly. I can imagine Ron sharing Lupin's arrival at GP to Bill and Fleur, who probably had shock and disappointment at Lupin's actions. But by then Lupin's back home so it's in the past. I assume Molly and Arthur would've been told through the grapevine, possibly Kingsley too, and everyone just keeps it under wraps because it's Remus having a moment of panic.

And for how long was Remus gone? I take the 3 day to a week position because Lupin had no viable places to stay without endangering other people, which seems to be his number one fear. I also take that timeline because he's being tailed and he knows it. He returns to the safest place, his home with Tonks and her parents, where they can be in hiding (forever furious Ted couldn't have stayed with them?? why did he die??? it makes no earthly sense except to give Teddy Lupin his name and have another orphan raised by his grandmother??)

At the end of the day, I will never ever ever ever buy the idea that Remus was gone for a long time. He does the right thing when push comes to shove, and he was shoved by Harry. He is a coward, but when the time is right, he does the brave thing. He also loves Tonks, and Tonks is forgiving and kind. That's why they work.

I hope this answers your questions!!

[inkylizard]

I guess we’re called Millennials because the turn of the xentury* happened at a formative time for most of us. i was a sophomore in high school, just developing the first glimmers of adult self-awareness.  As we tumble into grown-up-ness, most holiday traditions are revealed as a bit of a smoke and mirrors show, maintained for the benefit of the very young. But my adolescent experience of New Years involved learning that we had attached enough cultural meaning to this relatively arbitrary point in time that we had created for ourselves a great and very real uncertainty. For a hot minute, none of us, including the grownups, could say for sure that they knew what was going to come next. I say a lot that New Years is my favourite, because the only expectation is that we’ll pause, for a moment, in the company and manner of our choosing, to acknowledge time passing. But also, I think it is my favourite because it suits my particular brand of nihilism to know that we can go so hard on creating meaning that we spook ourselves. I think that’s endearing and powerful.  And...I need that right now? The world is on fire. The choices we make matter. 

Let’s gather that power and see what else we can believe into being. 

[blackbearmagic]

Sure hope my new dentist (who I'm meeting today for a consultation) appreciates some good Millennihilism because that's my attitude towards my horror teeth

[copperbadge]

I’ve coined a new term for the gallows humor that my generation indulges in because we have an overheating planet, a dim political future, a crushing economy, and a real avocado toast problem:

Millennihilism

[awesomacious]

Millennihilism

[advice-animal]

Millennihilism

[metcarte]

private: queen of swords

i think i am at a time of mental crisis— you know it. the cycle that haunts you, that drags you through the mud

why are you so afraid of paying attention to yourself? because i’m afraid of what i’ll find well too bad, my friend you gotta ethics

if you aren’t doing the work of checking yourself someone else is forced to deal with the consequences

checking: mood is low, below low, something like -35˚C everything is tender and susceptible to burning solution: wear glasses for a while close your eyes and sleep a while

checking: the relief that courses through you when you believe your ambivalence when you can admit that sometimes sex seems more trouble than it’s worth but so is doing the dishes and if it matters it matters, y’know? solution: it matters believe. it’s a chore. but you love washing dishes.

(take a breather: i can’t believe i like washing dishes more than i like sex)

checking: i feel bad but it’s not a productive badness it’s a mercury-in-retrograde badness and everything looks like it’s moving backwards solution: check the truth of physics it’s not it’s not nothing gets to be apocalyptic if you don’t let it be queerness saves the world

checking: i love her i wish that were enough but it’s not, so let’s be the hands at the pottery wheel we pinched the clay too hard up at the top here push it all back down and start over reshape it back up learn from the mistakes solution: 外婆的道理

checking: i have faith it’s not fair to ask her if she does ask her to have it solution: ?

CONFIDENCE

C O N F I D E N C E

please you know what you want we deserve a settled heart this isn’t all your fault stop playing that game of fault there are no winners move on into the cleaning, the settling

arrange the flower in front of the heaven, the earth, and the person set the beauty forward there is always things above and things below it’s nothing sensational

take a breather

millennihilism

is this the hardest part, when the veneer wears off? and we got to see if it’s heartwood underneath or ply? The Secret History became a signal this morning i wonder what secrets we keep professor’s prompt: what secret can your character not even tell herself? what do I know? what do I not know?

the scariest prophecy runs in 3DXD the impossibility of it all she’s scared i might find others i’m scared she’ll hate me in all the ways i run pathetic under the tap the lover’s gamble: this full exposure in fucking 360˚ fuck technology will she still love me

a thing i hate: being told people like me i even hate typing that out the shame in my bile the anger: whyisitmyfaultididn’taskforthiswhydoyouthinkit’sokaytotellmetolaughatmetomockmeiwanttobeattractiveinaspecificwaytospecificpeopleandidon’tknowalotofsocialcuesinthismatterandiknowpeoplethinki’MALWAYSPLAYINGDUMBBUTI’MNOTI’MNOTI’MNOTIficouldstopmakingpeoplethinkiammakingpromisesiwouldbutithurtsyouknowitreallyhurtsforthistobemyresponsibility in all the ways the world can be queer i truly believe this is can be one of them and maybe that is just arrogance rejections are apologetic because a harm has been done with no one designated to balm the pain so you do what you can but. when it comes to a soul that, against her will, has come to believe the way she loves or doesn’t love is wrong it slices people who say “damn turn them down gently” then “wait, you’re going to cut them off just because they like you?” in the same GODDAMN breath

i want people to take responsibility for their own feelings i should be able to want platonic love without people telling me I TOLD YOU SO when shit turns more than i can reciprocate

i fossilize toward people who won’t give it a rest i know this to be True

maybe crueler is kinder

well, note to self, try it next time. everybody seems so god fucking convinced it’ll happen again.

c o n f i d e n c e

why do you think she loves you? confidence, emotional availability, dorkness

“I love you” spoken to fill the void is toxic you know this stop it

i think it’s the sex that really hangs me up i want to be good at it, lol very simply and i don’t necessarily want her to touch me resuscitate that stone-ness we got there before we can circle back around

can we envision an erotic she blinks a certain way, talks a certain way, cues me in a certain way and I know i hold her hands away i can give her what she wants (there’s a reason you’ve fantasized about tying her up it’s nice to know for sure you don’t really like to be touched) it’s all good it’s all beautiful

we can work this out

picture yourself, bright-eyed pup “okay i know what I want, let me run this by you.” sex is fine, but the stone thing has gotta come back “I did some eatpraylove soul searching, some poetry writing” i think the rise in her insecurity also has to do with sex (not to box her in or anything; i know the Person thing was shitty) YOU CAN DO IT, CONFIDENCE

CONFIDENCE

CONFIDENCE

CONFIDENCE

CON.FI.DENCE.

c’mon babe. :)

i like washing dishes better than i like being touched i like washing dishes better than i like making out probably but fuck, maybe that speaks more to how much i like washing dishes than the Sex™ thing

it’s the reading thing all over again you psych yourself out you know you can be calm, right? baby girl, chill out don’t overthink it. with confidence. like the inevitable. like a school assignment you were made to do but you never regretted you know how you feel about regret

run bunny run shoes off thirty crunches good bodies close her eyes move her hands

if you’re there do it with passion

it’ll be okay, it’ll be fine

[blackbearmagic]

additionally "Millennihilism" is one of my favorite words that I've coined

[copperbadge]

butterflyslinky

Honestly, he seems like the kind of guy who would be THRILLED if you asked him about learning the ukulele.

I am genuinely very curious. As far as I know he never talks about it, so it could be he just didn’t end up having an interest in it, that happens. But I wanna know if he plays and what he likes to play and what kind of uke he has and if he wants to jam sometime. I AM ALWAYS CURIOUS ABOUT UKULELES. 

Currently mulling over whether I should bring my uke to the nerdy awesome cocktail party I’m attending tonight. Usually when I think “Oh, I should bring the uke! -- well, maybe not,” then I regret not bringing it...

chibiesque

Your notes make me cry X) Can you see anything with this much?

Yeah, I developed a couple of coping mechanisms to deal with the high volume I get -- tumblr’s activity-page revamp actually makes it easier for me to find commentary as opposed to just straight likes-and-reblogs, though losing the ability to select-and-reply to multiple comments was a real blow. 

Stuff does slip past my radar rather more often than the average person’s, I expect, and I had to make a policy of not reblogging stuff if I had already seen it or didn’t have anything to say. But every time my activity ramps up, I seem to find an equilibrium. Comes of being an obsessively organized person to cover my heinous disorganization, I expect. :D

That being said, the vast majority of my notes aren’t commentary, just likes and reblogs. So that’s something at least. I did have to turn off notifications on the Millennihilism post, which is still barrelling along, but there wasn’t a ton of stuff I really needed to interact with on that post anyway.