#moral of the story be nice on the internet! idk

[caliburn-the-sword]

tlc fairest thoughts

this is all gonna be one post because if i put every "levana wtf" moment i had. i would end up just posting the ENTIRE book. ngl will probably tag this as anti?? because i don't have very much that is nice to say unlike the other books. respectfully, do not press keep reading if you're gonna be upset about how i feel about fairest because i don't want you to have a bad internet experience and i don't want ME to have a bad internet experience. thanks <3

am i really going to be forced to go through a whole second-hand-embarrassment-fest as an explanation for levana's backstory

sorry the writing style is giving the cruel prince. and i am very much not a fan of that book

wait i'm really confused. levana was 15 yet is now celebrating her 17th?? did the mourning period last an entire year or???

levana is just as delulu as cress when it comes to love, but she doesn't have the excuse of being locked up for like a decade in isolation. what's her excuse lol

respect for evret for being the ONLY grown man in this goddamn series that doesn't go after minors

AND NOW LEVANA IS 16 AGAIN. looks like someone in publishing didn't notice the continuity error lmao

idk if it's because i'm tired but WHY does channary not want anyone to know the father of the baby?? and also aren't there dna tests for that which make it redundant anyway??? tho i guess if she's fucking THAT many men then she wouldn't even know where to start with testing even if she did want to

i'm sorry but there's something HILARIOUS about levana hating all these women having babies. knowing that the babies are gonna grow up to kick her ass off the lunar throne

is the queen being glamoured????? it's hard to say because she was ALREADY such a disturbed individual that it's hard to say whether this new shit is her own thoughts or someone else's

TF LEVANA WAS SET ON FIRE BY HER SISTER?????

ahhh. part of me wonders if channary glamouring her sister during early developmental stages is what made levana so fucked up to begin with

the description of how hair catches fire is entirely accurate

god. i feel so bad for evret. his entire life was ruined and then he was killed before he could ever see his daughter grow up

ngl levana didn't seem to be very proactive in HER OWN story?? it's just a bunch of things happening to her or falling into her lap CONSTANTLY. other than her glamouring evret and trying to kill cinder, she never actually DOES anything. it felt like the author had a checklist of things like "okay these all canonically happen before the events of cinder so i'm gonna tick all these off quickly". idk. didn't love it. i'm glad that at least she didn't go to any effort to redeem levana, but istg levana literally had the moral consistency of literal water. one minute she's like "time to toss this baby off a balcony" and then "boohoo i didn't realise that killing someone would ACTUALLY kill them" like girl what???? that's not to say that i WANT her to be good and whatever, in fact i mean the opposite. just let her be an evil bitch. stop with the totally random, OUT OF PLACE bouts of empathy that happen for literally no reason. pulled me out of the plot so hard every time it happened. maybe it's because of my negative feelings but it just felt very anticlimactic?? i'm just sitting here like "okay so what??"

managed to get through the slogfest but i can already feel myself slipping into a reading slump. yesterday i wanted to read winter SO bad but now i feel like i need time to recover from that read. lesbians give me strength to persevere because i KNOW that i will LOVE winter

[sailorgundam308]

okay but you're right about the petite tav thing (also idk if you know but someone's lame ass "callout" post about you being a bully and how you'll never get commissions is circulating)

like in a game where you can create nearly anything with a tav it's boring as fuck to make them look copy pasted of every conventional girl irl. ive always thought that, it's why I can't read certain super popular fics in this fandom because the tav absolutely rips me out of any enjoyment (cough, the arrangement)

but it's not fair for people to be harassing you over your opinion, it's your blog if they don't wanna make themselves upset maybe they shouldn't be lurking on your page

It's what I think. I have no interest, never had, in any media, when a protagonist is the pretty standard petite girl. It doesn't resonate with me at all and, therefore, they come across as very boring to me.

About the post circulating about me, I know about it. It was made by 2 girls who didn't like when I said I don't like pairing Astarion with the aforementioned pretty petite tav type. They then devolved into, apparently, some sort of Alex Jones, calling into question my values as a person, made up what I said and whatnot. They've been flooding me with hate messages for a while, stopping short only of telling me to kill myself. But then, of course, I'm the bully in the story. lol

It's very much their problem. Anyone following me, reading what I say, knows what I stand for - and what I don't, cause I tend to say it pretty clearly.

And I agree with you, too: tumblr is a collection of personal blogs of people with differing opinions. Unless someone is attacking or harming a real person, or being an actual bigot, it's all a matter of thinking differently about things. And that's not an issue.

You'd think people who claim to be so inclusive would understand that not everyone has to agree on things - and that you shouldn't dig the internet for content that will piss you off because you feel like going on a moral rampage for the sake of feeling superior. You WILL find content to make you angry. Thing is, some of that will be justified. Some, apparently, will just be me saying im not into X type of pairing.

Sound's pretty easy to do, but some folks are actually pretty incredible in regards to the amount of effort they'll put to go after someone they (don't know) but decided they dislike.

One of the girls saying she "took a screenshot" of what I said is from a discord I'm also a member of, and I think she got jealous cause I only posted Karlach x Astarion art and they shipped him with a different character. The other one is just a hardcore harasser. I got all their hate messages saved. Maybe one day I'll post it so people can see what kind low level stuff they said to me. It was WILD.

In any case. I never deleted the post where I said I think Astarion doesn't look good with pretty cutesy girly tavs cause I DO think that, and there's nothing wrong with me saying it. I'm not talking about any real person, nor even any tav in particular. But people like to distort shit to make waves then feel morally superior.

Thankfully, my commissions are doing great! I don't beg anyone to hire me, and as with everything else online, no one is forced to anything - commission me or even interact with my blog. There is a block function here and I use it often - it works wonders.

Anyway, thanks for saying that. Truly. This whole thing was pretty upsetting at first, but I soon realized there was no conversation to be had with thesef people - they don't want to talk. They want to tear someone they don't know apart to feel superior and "win".

It's nice to know not everyone bought into the gaslighting shit these two (and probably now more ppl) are spouting.

:)

[imjustabeanie]

Here’s the infir for our trade:

My style has a rockstar gf vibe. Sometimes softer colours too. I'm hourglass shaped and almost curvy, but I spend lots of time training (MMA) so instead im lowkey athletic with some muscle. I've got dark gray almond shaped eyes and medium lengst wavy blonde wolfcut with (renee rapp-style) bangs. Ironically (for Hazbin) I often hear that I look Angel-like? Like, even from strangers on the street?? That or that I’m intimidating. Ngl, that strokes my ego a bit (as all the other times I had strangers compliment me, tho I try to be neutral abt it bc ofc I’m pretty), but idk what really makes me come across that way. Got some casual makeup on usually. I’ve got some scars and bruises from training, don’t mind most, not too fond of my scar from a sword fight (long story), bc it’s big (and I hate that somebody might think that I lost it; my ego >>> my body - with injuries like that). Also, got a hidden tattoo. Yeah yeah, my youth group (idk how to actually say it in eng) doesn’t allow it, I’ve got my rep but give me some sweet hypocrisy as a treat (/hj), I think the tattoo looks awesome (yeah, it was diy). I’m social & extroverted. I write songs and am in a band. Other than that I like to tease ppl if given the opportunity; others say I’m flirty - bold with it at that. I’m ambitious too. I don't take shit from ppl, im far from meek. I have npd (if you want to look it up without reading scientific papers, go on tumblr, bc the rest of the internet is filled with ‘demonic narcissism’ bullshit) and it influences the way I am. I care lots about my image, don’t have a ton of empathy etc. I don’t kick puppies, but it‘s noticeable how I lack in this department. Sometimes people say I’m ’too nice to have it’ cause i do well with kids and do all the youth group volunteering. Kinda skeptical of serious romance cause I had lots of it & I don’t mix well with a lot of people. Maybe I could do something serious for once if I had the right person. I try to be responsible and respectful but I have no issue finding my place at a wild party or something. I can be soft-er if I want, like with children or ppl I’m close with (I've got many friend groups but struggle to make meaningful connections). Usually I just stay my analytical, laid-back self and say my silly little comments every once in a while. Heard I’m pretty funny if I want to be. My love language is acts of service. I like small things and I do them a lot. I can do praise too, but I don't care for it in return. Like, you can be an asshole (up to a limit, I know my worth) and it’s cool with me if I see you have your ways of caring like putting on a song I like in the car. Unrelated but some say I’m kinda closed off and ‘mysterious’ or wtv . Hate it when people push me to open up and be emotional; love music and I unironically had a few guys play songs AT me and I actually like that too, tho I get why ppl clown on it; despise the ‘I can fix them’ trope, it just feels wrong; obvi love my band, we are awesome; Deal breakers r: boring ppl, too romantic or sentimental, ppl who can't be casual with me, ppl who only approach me bc of my looks (yeah they are important, but my personality’s too good to ignore in the long run, come on), for Hazbin - no Val. I like ppl who are more negative than me and aren't afraid to shittalk everything. Just saying whatever, not caring if they offend ppl (up to a point, some issues aren’t debatable ik). I like to join in sometimes. They have to be at least a little funny. And determined abt their goals, like a lot, no matter what it is. Don't really care for morality (to a certain point, again) if you're charismatic and fun to be around, I’m along for the ride and happy to support whatever you get yourself into. Like, my perfect dynamic is usually when the other person says the wildest shit and I just go like ‘yeah, go baby’. Ppl try to argue? I pull out the ‘who?… who cares?’ card.

1/2, just a few sentences got cut

-★🎶

Hellooooo! Here's my part of the trade!

Your match for hazbin hotel is.....Velvette! With Adam as a close runner up lol

Okay so as I said in messages, Velvet would be a perfect match for you (with adam as your very close runner up). You said you don’t like sentimental or boring people but you like them ambitious and audacious. Tell me how it’s not our dear Velvette. Now okay, given her little screentime there’s a chance she approached you first for your looks but put her in her place and there you go. A nice enemies to lovers’ story. Who asked the other one first? Her. She was pushed to the edge by the other V’s teasing.

Something that fits you both in the relationship is that you don’t expect the lovey dovey atmosphere. It’s more like…that’s my demon, fuck off. She likes that you retaliate and doesn’t get hurt easily because she won’t have to watch her words. It’s not uncommon to find both of you bickering but if anyone dared to try and side with one of you they’d get hurt. Velvette love language is probably gifts and fancy dates. She likes it when you do small things for her and will show it off by saying find a better lover than mine or something similar. Your relationship will be public but the amount of photoshoots you two do together depends on you, she won’t force you into an influencer life.

Now Velvette likes your style and you two give me the same vibes. But you know what she likes more? Matching outfits with you. She will probably offer to do your make up for you if you let her. As for the tattoos, if the relationship gets serious then she will get one for you. In private, she does fuss over the bruises you get during training and even proposes to….take care of your opponents. If you do any matches she will clear her schedule and assist.

Besides her brutal honesty, Velvette is the best critique you could ask for. She will help out your band as much as she can. Leave the costumes and decorations to her lol. Now onto some personal headcanons, I think that Velvette would enjoy a lover that’s stronger than her (physically. In termof powers idk) but wouldn’t abuse it. Someone who’d pick her up and spin, her around or just someone with who she can get lost in their arms in private. A lover who won’t judge her and accept her with all her flaws. I also think she’s the type that enjoys late car rides with full on music to destress. But for all of this to happen and for her to let her real walls down the relationship would have to become serious. You’re both in it for fun and it’s easy to get backstabbed in hell after all.

Hope you like it. I tried to include everything

[ravenwolfie97]

okay i have to talk about this because it's been really bothering me lately and i need to say something before i explode

so lately i've been noticing on many videos, shortform or otherwise, that they include subtitles! awesome! super helpful and cool

but idk if it's always been a problem and i'm only noticing it now, or if it's gotten particularly bad lately, but... recently a lot of those subtitles are really really bad

slight tangential anecdote: i used to do some freelance captioning work in between real job hunting, and it was a good experience. i was already interested in doing it, obviously, but i was coached on proper captioning etiquette and guidelines to make it look as nice and readable as possible while also transcribing the audio as best as i could before my superiors would touch it up. so i do know a thing or two about proper subtitling, but even if you didn't you would Know that there are some serious problems right now

i'll give a few non-specific examples (bc i'm too lazy to hunt them down to show you). there is a pretty popular (i think) youtube shorts personality who mostly does reaction-based videos, like i think it's actually mostly tiktok stitches reuploaded to yt shorts. but anyway this person, along with most other tiktok people who have subtitles for their lil internet rambles, are probably only basing off of their voice, like there's some kind of auto-caption that gets most of the words right, save for a couple small ones. i can understand that especially for the reaction/vlog crowd who are just trying to pump out videos, but like. i also follow john and hank green. they also reupload their tiktok stitches to yt shorts and have subtitles. and guess what? they're flawless. immaculate. you Can change them. or maybe they just talk better idk my point still stands that there is issue here stemming from having the computer do it with minimal to no touch-up. which leads me to my next example

one of the first nails in the coffin recently was this one pokemon youtube shorts guy i kept getting where he'd look into old game saves. all of the videos are subtitled, but similar to the tiktoks, it appears to be transcribing the voice on its own. what's worse and the most important here is that - remember - this is a series of pokemon videos. saying a pokemon name and expecting an AI to understand what that is out the gate is insane. and it doesn't. any time a pokemon's name is said, it just spews out words that are vaguely similar-sounding standard english words. and it's never the same each time too, which is fun. this is where taking the time to edit or even give a smidge of a damn to the craft of your video really would mean a lot, because for as many as i've seen it turns me even more off every time i see those shitty subtitles. but unfortunately that's not the worst i've seen in the last few days

the one that hurt me so much i physically could not stand it, to the point that i left a Comment on how bad it was, was an edit of a streamer's twitch VOD. normally, this streamer uploads snippets of their streams to yt shorts and has really good and well-edited captions there! i usually have nothing to complain about from this guy. but this one particular video... i don't know if it's because it's an older VOD and someone's just been holding on to it for months, or if it was a huge rush job, or What. but this video had literally the worst captions i had ever seen. they were just slapped down in chunks, not even lining up with the people who were talking, a negligible amount of punctuation, literally the barest minimum of effort. but that's not all! let's not forget that this is an edited clipshow, and there are Effects and Transitions for not only the video itself but the text as well! so SOME amount of effort was put into this because it got actually edited into a decent-sized video instead of just being a small clip. it's literally makes me sick i am so unhappy about it

main point, TL;DR, moral of the story: for the love of all that is holy, please remember that captioning is literally an accessibility feature. some people cannot hear or are unable to listen to videos sometimes, and i can't imagine what a hearing-impaired person who relies on subtitles to engage with videos would think watching either of my last two examples. what makes it worse, too, is that i can't even tell these people to hire someone to do it for them, because oftentimes they DO have people to do that work for them. and they still fuck it up. and then they continue on, to churn out more content. ugh just take a moment to remember that captions are not just for engagement. they're a tool, and some people can use only those as their guide through your video. don't make it impossible to parse. the purpose of them is to be read and understood. and you can't do that if the sentences are in overlapping chunks or if your words are too non-standard to be translated by a computer

[cowboylikedean]

tbh i think that mostly just has to do with who subscribes to those different ideas. body positivity is an idea/movement that is generally led by plus sized individuals trying to love themselves in a world that hates them whereas body neutrality is more generally talked about by average sized or even skinny people who are dealing with body dysmorphia problems of their own but just not for the “society hates me” reasons - not trying to accept their body necessarily but to just not think about it at all. again i say this all in a general sense and as an overweight person. i do totally get what you’re saying and why you wanted to point it out but idk in my experience the body neutrality thing is nice and a great goal in theory but like i said when i live in a world that actively shames me every day i feel like i need to be more than neutral about my body if i want to get by, but i can see how that may work for others

but that's exactly my point anon

a body acceptance movement centered around thin and average people is always fatphobic because it will always maintain the status quo for fat people and it will never get to the crux of the issue.

I have said repeatedly on this subject that you cannot fight negativity with neutrality and I mean it.

Think about it... If someone says "Fat people are nasty," the statement "fat people exist" doesn't negate them or challenge them in any way. "Fat people are wonderful," however, does. The same goes for a personal statement. "I'm too fat" is not countered by "I am the size that I am," it's countered by "there's no such thing as "too fat" because "fat" is not a bad thing to be."

You will never fight negativity with neutrality. Neutrality that focuses on thin and average people, then, will always continue the cycle of fatphobia and will then miss the mark of why average and thin people feel uncomfortable and are held to unhealthy and harmful societal standards.

"I'm too fat" is not a judgement about your size, it's a judgement about fat in general. Because regardless of your size, there would be no such thing as "too fat" if you didn't hate fat people. And thus, the way to fight "I'm too fat" is to fight the hatred of fat. The hatred of fat cannot be fought by body neutral sayings such as "I am the size that I am" or even "Fat is just a part of your body." Both of these statements can exist and fat can also be bad. You have to fight the idea that fat is bad, which can only be fought with the idea that fat is good.

It's the same reason why -1 + 0 = -1. You have to add positive 1 to negative 1 to make 0. You have to cancel out the negative with a positive.

With the body neutral movement, from the second tiny thin Jameela Jamil was all over the internet and late night TV proclaiming it 'better' than body positivity, thin and average people looked for a way to not confront their fatphobic assumptions. So much of this space is just thin and average people telling themselves and each other that they're not fat, and not to think about it. It never challenges the underlying assumptions and prejudices. And because these people are not affected by those assumptions and prejudices, when they give themselves permission to not think about it, they give themselves permission to not care about what happens to us. To look the other way. It's not about them and their issues (even though - it IS because their issues only exist because of the assumptions and prejudices about us), so they don't have to care! They walk around with neutral sayings that help them get through the day while allowing the negativity towards us to continue while feeling morally justified and great in that it's not their problem.

So yeah, you and I and others like us need to be more than neutral about our bodies to combat the negativity and they have the privilege to not care. But then how is that not hating us? How is that not evil? How is that not fatphobic and disgusting?

Body neutrality is fatphobic. End of story.

[hella1975]

lantern

lantern: how did you meet your best friend? what were your first impressions of each other?

i'll do irl friends for this one bc i think internet ones are pretty self-explanatory lol. ooooo idk who to pick actually bc im not really one for having 'best' friends, so im gonna put two.

the first ive told you guys how we met a couple times but idc i'll do it again bc it's my fave story. basically we're both doing economics, and last year when we were both silly scared little freshers, we went to an induction event. i spent the entire thing sat alone and out of my depth feeling TERRIFIED, and afterwards i trickled out with everyone to the refreshments, and i knew no one. it was super super intimidating when suddenly this girl comes up to me and just goes 'hi i dont know anyone here and you look nice, can i stay with you?'. low and behold, we've been friends ever since and i spent all of today with her (and the other friend im about to talk about) and i love her so so so much. my first impression of her was that she was shy and sweet and needed protecting and her first impression of me was that i was nice and approachable, which is so fucking funny bc part of the reason me and her are such good friends is bc we're both MASSIVE bitches like we're both superrrrr spiteful and hotheaded lmao

the other friend i dont know as well bc it's only these past couple WEEKS we've been properly hanging out, but me, her and the girl i just mentioned are like our own little group and they bring me so much joy bc truly they just Get me like we're all VERY similar. the way i met this girl is really complicated lmao okay. so basically i missed one of my lectures during freshers (was defo hungover) and friend 1 (that i just spoke about, from the induction event) was SO mad at me she was like rage-snapchatting me being like 'bitch get here rn i dont know anyone' and me not attending FORCED her to make friends, which she did in the form of this lad and this one girl. now we spent the whole of first year being friends with this girl, and we had some issues with her bc she's just very self-centred and doesn't really want to hear about anyone else's shit, but her FLATMATE was really really lovely. so me and friend 1 spent all of first year knowing her flatmate pretty vaguely, like we saw each other a lot and went out together a lot but it was very much 'through a mutual friend' in the form of that girl yk? but then that girl started becoming even more of a bitch and friend 1 really latched onto friend 2 (they have a lot of crossover bc they both live locally), and i very lazily just followed friend 1 until the next thing i know, me and friend 1 spend loads of time with friend 2 and hardly ever hang out with that girl anymore. like it's so sly bc we effectively stole friend 2 (her FLATMATE) off her but also she did have it coming you have to trust me on that. and yeah now it's the three of us and we're so cute and i love them. my first impression of friend 2 also happened to be accurate bc from the get-go she's just been the moral one of our trio like she's very mindful and hasn't got a mean bone in her body, so we're all good for each other i think <3

[supercantaloupe]

also send me book recs!

honestly just all the books ive mentioned in our gc BUT for the sake of sleepover saturday i shall repeat some of them here

the sparrow by mary doria russell - sci fi. story about a jesuit mission to an alien planet that goes terribly wrong. rocked my world

the book thief by markus zusak - historical fiction (wwii). idk what i can say about the book thief that you wouldn't probably already know but this book makes me weep every time i reread it so jot that down ig

the anthropocene reviewed by john green - nonfiction. i'm tired of the internet clowning on john green he's a nice man and a good writer. this is a collection of essays rating various things humanity has created/experienced and i find it very heartwarming

god bless you mr rosewater by kurt vonnegut - fiction, satirical. my personal fave (and imo underrated) vonnegut. fairly short and lighthearted/optimistic to read, but really pokes at the trappings of real world class politics in a way that's both honest and refreshingly not a total drag

terra ignota by ada palmer - sci fi, series. this one is kind of dense ngl, it's about the events leading up to and following the first war humanity's seen in centuries, but i honestly think this is one of those stories kind of like homestuck or 17776 where a simple summary of the basic plot doesn't prepare you at all for the experience of reading it. i likened the experience of reading the first two books especially (too like the lightning & seven surrenders) to watching a chess game being played in the dark. make of this what you will. there's unexpectedly a lot of philosophy in this one (moral/ethical, theological, and gender)

ingredients: the strange chemistry of what we put in us and on us by george zaidan - nonfiction. i think people generally ought to know a bit more about everyday chemicals and this book explains that in a way that's really accessible even to people who don't usually like science

moby dick by herman melville - classic fiction. subscribe to whale weekly

[ask meme]

[sexytummyache]

personal rant about managing my own moral identity with the social realities i find myself in

its weird to go from like tumblr and a lot of the spaces i spend time in on the internet where everyone pretty much agrees that AI sucks (for the environment and also for the people/artists it rips off and the services it makes worse) to like the world of indie web novels where so many authors are using AI for book covers and stuff. its disheartening honestly. I want to play nice to connect with other people also doing this and to build an audience but like how do I maintain my own moral principles at the same time?

It has me thinking about how having consistent morals is sort of automatically antisocial because it prioritizes something (platonic morality) over the maintenance of social reality and cohesion. Is that good? is that bad? idk it just is. although maybe im wrong somehow? social cohesion isn't automatically good or bad. context matters there probably.

but i feel like i shoot myself in the foot a lot in social situations where some of my unflinching moral stances makes it harder for other people to connect with me. at the same time, i value 'right action' right? certainly i value the reduction of harm.

i will never use AI art in my work (writing, illustration, etc). ive been commissioning an artist who has designed an awesome cover and is doing some awesome work with the monster designs.

and ive been very clear in these spaces about my distaste for AI and refusal to engage with it while also trying to avoid starting arguments because I have a history of struggling to regulate my emotions especially in online spaces where ive gotten into more arguments than i can count. its not productive and its not good for me. basically when asked i said something like 'here is a quick summary and I'm happy to go into more detail in direct messages because i dont want to derail this server' or whatever

but then what sucks is because the book covers are shrunk down on my phone and stuff, i sometimes get into a story before realizing the author used AI for the cover or whatever. and its like, do I keep reading? im certainly not going to join the patreon of anyone doing that but does any engagement discount the value of my morals?

maybe its enough to say that i will not personally use or engage with AI to the best of my ability and I will not hide my distaste for it but because I don't consider it productive to argue on the internet, i will not do that to the best of my ability. i think i just have this ex-catholic current-autistic need to have all my sins recognized and forgiven or accepted by some external social force. its not a healthy impulse to be sure.

[spicycowboyhole]

posting because the psychicatrist decided to get sick when im having a crisis?:

idk where to start tbh LLOOL but i think im NOT DOING WELL. like on the outside evertytthings fine like nothings changed at all but i think im going insane. i think ive just realized how i have like 0 emotional suppoport system and whenever someone says something genuinely nice about me it makes me feel emotional because like i had family visiting this past week and my mom and my cousins tarted talking about college and my mom was saying how i wasted money going to college. i said that i didnt feel like i wasted my money becasue i have a degree now and i could always go back and get my bachelors but she said "BUT WHAT ARE U DOING EITH IT" and it just pissed me off because i feel like shes negating my accomplishment.

what made me cry last night was when i was messaging this guy and he was telling me about how he had class in the morning and we started talking about college. i told him how i was thinking about going back to school in january and he said i should.

for some reason i feel like getting my degree in psych would be cringe or a waste of time/money because my friend told me everyone she knows who did thinks so, like its some useless art degree. but when i asked this guy if it was cringe he said "so cringe... imagine having ambitions" im fucking stupid and didnt notice the sarcasm and i said "might as well start playing bucket drums on the street ig" because idk i guess i imagine getting a degree in psych would be just as dumb as someone trying to make it in the music business by playing on the street or something. he said "everyone thats going to college has ambitions. So in that case we all need to go play street bongos" and that perspective completely exploded my brain and i started crying LMAO because i guess going to college is a risk no matter what and u just have to believe in urself or some gay shit. it made me think of a taz cameo where he told someone that "nobody is gonna support your journey no matter how much they love you until youve proved to them that your journey was worth supporting" and that made me sad kinda because like i said i dont think i really have any kind of support from family rn and i kinda just have myself but i have like 0 confidence and negative self esteem and my family just being dissapointed in me and saying negative stuff really doesnt help. so i guess the moral of the story is that i have to trust and believe in myself because no one else will! really sucks i think. yeah but i only just started talking to that guy like YESTERDAY and im sure he prob felt like what he told me was nothing but it really did impact me and pulled the last tiny string that was emotionally holding me together. i apologized for being cynical and i told him i appreciated his words because i was kinda responding in a joking way that might have come off as rude i think? the silly bandaid just isnt working so good no more.

but fr i think while my anxiety is a lot better i think my depression is getting worse just due to my circumstances. like can u believe i almost went to the movies with some stranger internet guy just because i didnt want to be with my family?? i think somethings making me more impulsive than usual. i was going to buy cigarettes today and the only reason i didnt was because my appointment got canceled.

some other things tho i kinda didnt like having my cousins come visit because i just feel so inferior to them. like they look better and are just doing kinda all the stuff i should be doing yk? makes me feel shitty AND i feel like my mom just kinda infantilizes me like my parents treat me like nemo and i just cant do some things for some reason. its just so frustrating like my parents make me upset and i just want to move far away from them but also like they dont encourage me to do stuff on my own and when i try theyre like how are you even gonna do that you cant do that you have a bad fin like HELLO HELP ME FIX MY FIN THEN? I WOULDNT HAVE A BAD FIN IF YOU DIDNT HELP PREVENT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE LOL BUT IT JUST SUCKS THAT I HAVE TO DO ALL THIS BY MYSELF

i just dont want to be living here in like 5 years. thats a goal huh? if i had been asked where i wanted to be in 5 yrs when i was in high school id be like idk but i somehow managed to grow a goal somehow just out of misery i guess. and the steps are so cleaar in my head but then the voices tell me i cant do it because im scared BUT thats the point of life or something right??

jesus chhrososttt in reality nothing is really changing irl but im having some sort of crisis rn

ive even been trying to talk to boys LOL ive just been wanting some kind of escape from my life,, some independence, i want MY OWN LIFE that my mommy doesnt know everything about. i want to go to the movies with someone im not related to.

ok these paragraphes are all fucked up and i would fix it but i dont wanna go through and reread them

[envoyartsguild]

Rambling to thoughts get off my chest

I’m starting to have to accept the fact some of my friends do not see representation in the same way I do. 

I have two friends who are also PJO fans and they had a more negative reaction to Annabeth being cast with a black actress. (One of them is black btw). I reacted positively. I think it’s cool and potentially great representation. I’ve also seen some compelling arguments on Tiktok by some black female creators I follow. 

My friends are Neurodiverse and they like familiarity, they’re nostalgic (same here), and sometimes it’s difficult to convince them of new ideas or to change ideas or see things from a different perspective. One of them really thinks in terms of black and white. It’s good or bad.

Sometimes it’s frustrating for me personally to see something and be hype for it and they’re either ambivalent or completely opposed. They like the familiarity of blonde grey eyed Annabeth Chase. This live action adaptation probably isn’t meant for them exactly and will probably pull in new readers of PJO which is awesome. Also the new show could address a lot of criticism and aspects that didn’t age well within the Percy Jackson universe. They don’t always see it that way.

Whenever someone argues forced diversity my red flags go off in my head to approach subject with caution because forced diversity has just become a trigger into my head of someone’s going to say some kind of Anti-SJW shit where it’s just some misogynistic echo chamber slogan where some guy on the internet had a problem with a woman existing in a movie/video game/comic or insert thing here. Most of the time when someone makes the forced diversity argument it’s an inarticulate and inaccurate portrayal of what feels like the root of the problem. The problem that is capitalism and commodification of social justice as clout. 

Like yeah, diversity should be done well but like we can’t make impossible Goldilocks standards for creators for a black woman to exist in a universe, or make up an in universe reason why a minority is here. The female character can’t be a virgin but she can’t be a whore, she’s too nice but she can’t be too mean. She’s a mary sue and skilled at everything or she’s useless and does nothing for the plot. None of these arguments work with each other but I hear them all the time for the same characters. 

I agree raceswapping certain characters is a bad idea because sometimes it’s very important to who they are as a character. Like bad idea to make Mulan a white person. However, I also feel sometimes it’s a missed opportunity if you change a white person into POC and part of their thematic journey or character arc involves oppression sometimes in certain contexts if would be proper and make the story deeper if you included that new aspect. Not every POC has to address racism as a systemic problem. Just like how not every queer person has to have a coming out plot line. I understand why some people want there to feel like effort and care was put into representation.

Some people feel like that can only be done with new characters. Like the Stan Lee approach of maybe not have Peter Parker be black but hey we got Miles Morales. Yeah that’s true in some scenarios but it feels like drawing a boundary, like this invisible line, where POC can’t have certain characters. You can’t have my toy go make your own. Tries to make own but doesn’t get funding, marketing, or attention it deserves. You can’t really replace Peter Parker with Miles Morales cause Miles will always be associated with Peter but Peter won’t have to be associated with Miles. 

IDK it all gets so complicated so fast. IDK solutions or how to feel about all this stuff. I just try and understand how I feel about things, how other people feel about it, and self-reflect whether or not I need to change or add to my opinion on how exactly we can make better stories. 

One way is to dismantle capitalism.

Other ways are varied and will always differ between people. *sigh* I’ll just do my thing and they’ll do their thing in the end. 

[fanficwritersinterviewed]

MCM, tessiete

<<This post is a part of a longer conversation about fanfic writers, how they view fanfic, and their writing process. All views are the fanfic writers’ own, and whatever fanfic they choose to write is entirely their own decision. No judgement value will be placed on fic content. These conversations are meant to provide insight for other fanfic writers in whatever stage they are at in their writing life>>

Meet-Cute Monday (with tessiete, @tessiete​ )

AO3 Stats:

Pseuds: tessiete Pronouns: she/her they/them Current fandoms: Star Wars Current pairings: Obitine (Obi-Wan/Satine Kryze), Obikin, and Gen How many total fic: 36 How many fandoms: 8 Total word count: 527,132 Long fic word count: 201, 304 Shortest fic: 1007 Highest kudo count: 662 Lowest: 18

What’s the story behind your writing pseud? I just combined two of my favourite acting roles because I was 15, and needed to tell AO3 something in order to register. Juliet (Capulet) + Tess (D'Urbervilles)

How long have you been reading and writing fanfic? Reading since I was probably 9 or 10? I had a dedicated internet line as a child, and my mum writes SW fanfic, and has been active in the fandom for as long as I've been alive. Writing since probably 2004. But definitely not consistently. I had a HUGE break where I wrote nothing between 2004 and 2014, and then another smaller one between 2016 and 2020. No real reason. I just never felt like a writer, and definitely never felt like a writer with anything to say.

Okay, wait. That’s fascinating. Your mom writes Star Wars fanfic, too! I did not know that. Do you interact with her in the fandom or does she have her half of fandom and you have yours? She has her half and I have mine. We've never really run into each other. She's an older fan than even the "old fans" on here-- her fic was like, published in zines and stuff-- and she's very much a role player. They've got a hugely elaborate plot - it's been going for literally 25 years at this point - so there's no way she'd ever be invested in the tumblr fandom. There's at least one whole other world of SW fandom that does not cross with tumblr fandom AT ALL. But she reads all my fic, and we talk about character and stuff almost every day. She's a Luke girl.

Oh nice! That is an incredible resource to have, then! Definitely!

Okay, so. Baby Tess, when she started to write fic did she have any hopes or goals for her writing? And how have those changed over time? NOPE. Baby Tess was always told to be a writer. Tess never wanted to be a writer, and still does not want to be a writer. But my dad says follow your talent, not your passion, and writing is the one artistic thing that I can control, and requires no outside help to support or promote it

Oh that's one I’ve never heard before: follow your talent not your passion. Yeah, I resent it a lot! But I don't think he's wrong! For a long, long time I essentially wrote just for me. My early fandoms were usually pretty dead ones, and the ones that weren't tended to be uninterested in what I liked to write about. I love maturity, and the tiny little complexities of relationships. I love Good. I love Good people. I love thinking about the morality of a situation, and the philosophies of civility, I guess?

Basically, my earliest stories had no conflict because it was often adult characters being very straightforward with each other, and clearing up any misunderstandings that existed in canon. And then later, it was often just intense character studies of people with no real plot or purpose. So I never got much interaction from the fandom at all.

I guess the change is that I used to write for me, and now I feel like I write for other people? I'm not sure that's a healthier outlook, but it's definitely one that produces more content! I don't think any of my stories appeal but I like to write things that defy expectation. I enjoy malicious compliance. I enjoy crack taken seriously. And I fell into Obitine out of spite for all the hate that Satine gets as a female in space.

So the stuff you wrote before was more likely to be gen as opposed to now? Oh, YES! I exclusively wrote gen. I mean, there were often romantic undertones, but nothing more than a kiss. Even now I'm much more fascinated by platonic relationships, and I love gen stories best. It's only in the past year I've tried my hand at smut, and for me, the appeal is less...Idk....horny? And more because I try to use smut as a way of replacing dialogue. Which I know is not unique to me - I love your fic, and treescape’s fic for example because you do that also! I didn't understand for a long time how smut could work

Oooooh! I wanna hear your theories on How Smut Works. I thought smut was exclusively voyeuristic for a loooooong time. I felt that in fandoms where the canon had no explicit sex that it was sort of weird and...not inappropriate but unnecessary to bring it into it? Initially a lot of the arguments I read in support of smut were to make adults seem "adult" which bothered me a lot because I firmly don't believe that sex is a sign of one's maturity.

Later, once I realised I was acespec, it made a lot more sense in that sex as a pure concept did not make sense to me. But then, I read trees’ work, and I branched out, and I realised that sex is kind of like a different landscape. And I found that for a lot of characters - characters I particularly liked - sex can articulate the things they can't actually give voice to. Like, Obi-Wan can say a lot more in how he bangs someone than he, as himself, can speak. Smut exposes vulnerabilities and truths in people.

I was talking to a friend the other day who is trying to write smut for the first time, and she was worried she'd expose her own kinks, and honestly, who hasn't worried about that? But what I've found is that that isn't the case. If you're true to the story, then you expose character.

Ugh. Fuck yeah. Love that.

[quakeriders]

my thoughts on the state of the acotar fandom, and why i'm still not back - an essay.

i rarely see any anti feyre posts, but whenever i see a post that is anti anti feyre the talking points are so buck wild that i honestly don't know if i wanna come back into this fandom. like.. there are tamlin apologists now? there's talk about feysand being equated to like pre-french revolution monarchy (without regarding the greater world structure), like so many hot takes that aren't really hot but.... freezing cold and speak of misogyny or reaching to explain the dislike for a character by using morally elevated arguments. and it's just... exhausting tbh.

like the archeron sisters don't have to be pitted against each other. if i like one sister doesn't mean i have to hate the others. but also if i dislike a sister, it doesn't mean the only reason is the sister i like.

in a fandom where people can stan morally ambiguous characters like rhys, lucien etc. and even morally dubious characters like eris or tamlin, i don't understand why it's always, always, always the women who get to pitted against each other.

mor wasn't gay enough, or bi enough or nice enough, she didn't gay right by not coming out (nevermind that nobody is horrified by the fact that the inner circle never made her feel safe enough to come out to them). feyre is duplicitous for revealing how little tamlin cared about his subjects, she is stupid for admitting when she doesn't know something and is willing to learn.

and i'm not even going to go into the nesta, elain and the new ladies and how they get pitted against each other as well.

i've been in women dominated fandom spaces for almost ten years now, and whenever a female character is hated, there's a subset of people who try to argue that she isn't feminist enough. that she uses other women, or is only where she is because of men, that she's bland, or overpowered, or has no own will and i know it makes people feel better about rationalizing their dislike but these anti-feminist takes just..

it's kind of like all those star wars gatekeeper men that shat all over rey because she was a mary sue, while pointing to luke skywalker and saying "he needed to train for 2.5 on-screen minutes, so he worked for it"

and idk i may have done the same thing in the past, but honestly it just seems hollow and like you give yourself permission to act vile towards other people on the internet. like i saw one post floating around wishing death upon people who agreed or disagreed with a certain take.

if you think you have the moral high ground, it makes you act in callous, hateful way against the people who you see as being morally wrong. so, its an environment where i don't really want to engage with anyone because that's just not the amount of importance i put into people's preferences when it comes to fictional characters/tropes/etc.

my best friend from high school is a nesta stan. she thinks feyre is boring. which doesn't make me think of her as evil. it just means we disagree on certain things. but thats fine. like that's it.. we can still talk about acotar and even the characters. honestly, it sometimes gives me insights into nesta that i wouldn't look for myself. or even feyre, because i have a different viewpoint. and like... whats the harm?

so long-long-long story short. what i'm saying is, some people are being assholes and justifying it by being morally right or stanning the morally better character and honestly thats just not a nice atmosphere for fandom and it makes me not want to participate in it.

[omgitsemilyward]

hey, yours is one of the best/most reasonable reactions I've seen to the interview. the harsh judgement on his new relationship/ pregnancy was very upsetting for me to read, as if they were a betrayal to what people knew him as? I wish more people grasped we don't know these people. we don't know why they make the decisions they do. the whole thing had me thinking on the 'parasocial' relationships people form with celebs really.

anyway, I'm just so glad he got help when he needed it most, and that it seems like he has very good friends who care about him. I hope he continues to be well. your post on it gave me a good opportunity to sort my feelings over it :)

Hi there - thanks for this message. I’ve already gotten some interesting messages about this and I like this one best and so I’m going to use this as an opportunity to share my (relatively) meaningless thoughts on all this, and this is probably going to be the only post I make about this so… here we go

I’ve purposefully not been making posts about this stuff for a number of reasons, but primarily because I think a lot of people have presumed to know exactly what happened between him, his wife, and Olivia based on a feeble timeline that people have tried to piece together based on random entertainment press reports and stuff. I think there is an incredible amount of information we simply don’t know because we do not know any of them personally, and so I’ve never felt very comfortable saying anything about it. I’m definitely not saying anyone is in the right or in the wrong here either bc, once again, how can we say when we don’t know almost anything?

plus - who am I to even have an opinion on these people I don’t know? I should probably just leave this post right here, because that’s really my entire thesis with this.

(but I, like the person who sent me this nice message, kinda want to use this as an opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings)

I think a lot of us (myself definitely included - anyone who has followed me for a long time knows this) put him and Anna on a pedestal based on all we knew about them, which was very, very little. So as soon as there was the smallest amount of information that things weren’t as perfect as they seemed, people took it almost personally - that they didn’t match the image they had latched onto -, and then made a lot of assumptions and a lot of judgment about what happened; again, based on the tiniest amount of information. Plus, I do think the internet amplifies these things in a weird way that does away with a lot of nuance and goes to straight to classifying things as a binary: “this person is a perfect cinnamon roll who can do nothing wrong” or “this person is absolute garbage trash” - the thing we all forget though, is that human beings do not exist on some moral binary for the most part.

(Also here I am, talking about this on the internet…. anyways)

I spent a lot of my years on this specific website being uncomfortably attached to John and Anna and their relationship, and it’s not something I’m particularly proud of. I don’t say I completely regret being such a huge fan of his, hers, theirs (for one thing, it kinda got me my job, but that’s another story for another time), but looking back on it I wish I had not been so invested in the relationship of people I didn’t know. It was really weird and without my own personal life experience, I might have also immediately jumped to a lot of judgment about why or how their relationship ended. But between now and then I’ve grown a lot as a person and I know that people, especially public figures, often live much more complicated lives than what they present to the world. And people get divorced allllll the fucking time for allllll sorts of reasons.

Maybe it’s the child of many divorces in me, but I’ve been honestly pretty shocked by how little grace people are giving them. Maybe it’s also the fact that I’ve been such a big fan of each of these people (including Olivia) for so much of my life that I’m quick to be defensive (? Idk if that’s the right word) of all of them before anything.

At the end of the day, I guess I’m just disappointed that there is even “discourse” about this to begin with - not surprised by any means, but just disappointed. And disappointed about how quick people have been to judge, or how people are try to equate this to things that are not at all equivalent.

the most important thing to me out of all of this is that John is on a path to recovery. I’ve dealt with some addiction stuff with some of my family that I’m not going to get into on here but it is hard and at times a little terrifying and I’m just so relieved that he seems to have a really good support system. That’s the thing I’ve been most concerned about since the news broke that he relapsed and was going into rehab - I’m grateful that he was able to get help because not everyone does or not everyone will before it becomes too late to do so.

[unorthodoxdeity]

that last post didn't scratch the itch im making a long post. all my thoughts. all my opinions. my life story. this literally does not matter and is paragraphs of bullshit but i dont want to feel like im operating with a filter so im putting it out. your regularly scheduled programming will resume shortly but for now this is happening.

Okay so I've been in fandom spaces for a while. They've morphed and changed quite a bit. I think they have all the same problems just manifested differently. It also feels more isolated. They feel quieter. I don't know if it's because most of my fandoms are dead and I havent adapted well to whatever else is happening but it feels like fandom culture is on its deathbed in a way. Well not fandom culture as a whole, that will always exist in some form. I think its moreso just a metamorphosis mixed with me being into older content with smaller followings. This is just my view. I have zero wider perspective on what the whole is like. I couldn't tell you of any big places to talk about fandom related things that aren't vaguely tumblr and twitter. There will always be dedicated pockets of something. This is just about my pocket. The whole it's more isolated thing is also probably just my problem.

I've seen the shipping debate happening my entire time here. It's always existed in different ways. I think there are a lot of ways you could define both sides. I think there are a lot of things both sides have to argue over. It depends on the person and how they view the debates really. I know a lot of people define it on terms of harassment and others define it on terms of what they're morally okay with harassment or no harassment.

I'm not going to attempt to pin definitions on either side currently mostly because I just don't care. I think that miscommunication is what stifles a lot of progress though. There isn't reslly much to progress to either way. People will do what they think is right and its not like there's any solid achievable end goal for either side (in my eyes, someone might have a reachable goal idk).

I've been involved with the debate a lot. When I was like 10-12 I was a proshipper by definition I guess. I didn't call myself that. I didn't care I just shipped what I wanted.

When I grew a bit older and started getting involved with more online debate I became an anti. I actually called myself that one. I don't know what flicked the switch. I think I was turned off by the gung ho "I'm going to draw fucked up shit for shock value" attitude a lot of proshippers had. It was the whole "these damn puriteens" "get minors off the internet" and general talking down to people who had legitimate concerns thing that ruffled my feathers looking back. I know most proshippers are not like this. I also know a lot of it wasn't for shock value.

There were a lot of reasons people did the things they did. Some were coping, some were approaching it with the same attitude I had when I was 12. A lot of them were sick and tired of people trying to talk down to them with their concerns as if they had the full moral highground. Nobody really likes the holier than thou attitude unless they agree with the person I've found which is reasonable. Who wants to be told what to do?

That carried on. I debated with people with the same high horse that I hated on other people. Then I got tired. Every time I opened my phone my heart was racing it was so dumb lmao. Arguing was like crack. I eventually realized that and just stopped. It wasn't just the shipping debate I was involved in those stupid identity politics and was involved with more important actual politics and debating homophobes and people who were probably trolls. Probably not the healthiest thing in the world. Did not do my health any favors. One day i just stopped.

I don't know what flipped that switch I think I just tuckered myself out. I didn't go on social media much. I went outside and touched grass as I had told so many people to do. The grass was nice. The sun was shining and there were even trees and real people (woah).

Then quarantine eventually happened and I was inside and online. I wasn't in my old unhinged frenzy though, I actually went back and deleted all of my accounts to start from scratch. I had no opinions on much fandom discourse and the opinions I did have I just kept to myself. I still saw things that pissed me off but that wasn't my problem.

I downloaded tumblr again after like years. Joined fandom spaces. Once again was faced with that old discourse. Ironically enough a ship I had enjoyed was confirmed to be incest and I was in such a quarantined haze at that point I just said fuck it and forced myself to agree with proshippers and quite literally abandoned any moral values I had. Looking back that was so funny. I never treated it like a fall from grace. I treated it like a fuck you.

It wasn't that dramatic or anything. I wasn't punching the air and seething when I saw either side. I was moreso just doing what I wanted because I could and happened to interact with proshippers so I just like called myself that. I became more involved with their values and oh boy my horse is getting higher!!!

I think that's just a problem I have when it comes to any sort of debate. I get really full of myself. That's fucking annoying I know. Anyways as I was flexing how cool and subversive I was I realized I wasn't having fun anymore. That happened any time I got too wrapped up in an ideology. It was no longer about the thing it was about the approach to the thing. I did a similar thing with identity politics. I wasn't me I was my labels.

I feel like this was a really bad representation of how I was as a proshipper. I kind of framed it as me intentionally agreeing with them but it wasn't just that. It was like another flip switched but it was also moreso me swallowing my pride and that pride getting replaced with a different kind of pride. I wasn't in as much as an unhinged frenzy because I had set rules on How I can debate. (No debating after 9pm, you can not respond if they don't respond in under 10 minutes, if you call them names you have to stop ect.). It was tamer because I had to learn how to be tame and I did. It worked. The rules started to become more rigid and my urge to debate almost depleted.

I stopped focusing outward and returned to how I was when I was 12 almost. I shipped my fuckshit and had an occasional gloat about my moral superiority over those damn antis. Nothing really special for a twitter user.

I made friends during my stay in both communities. They were all good people. None of the people I befriended threatened anybody or did anything you heard from those horror stories. None of them were pedophiles. They were just opinionated nerds most of which had trauma that guided their opinions. You were also bound to be outcast if you disagreed with them though. It's how relationships formed based off opinions go, especially online.

I don't talk to any of them anymore, there was no fight we just drifted apart. That was okay. I can't say my stay in either community was better or worse than the other. I think most of it was determined by my self control. How much I would indulge in being vile to someone and having them be vile back in retaliation. I did forget to have fun along the way in both though.

I've come to the conclusion I don't necessarily like being part of any community. I don't like the culture of either.

For starters I don't like how people on both sides will accuse the other of being pedos (proshippers accusing antis of projecting, antis accusing proshippers of being pedos because of fiction). It's just baselessly throwing around something that's become a buzzword.

I don't like how a lot of fetishization gets wrapped up in the proship community (specifically towards trans people). I don't like how poppytwt formed (i know a lot of proshippers agree with me on this one) or rpf. I don't like how both sides call the other cult like because it's also baselessly throwing buzzwords around. The comparisons of legitimate real world issues sparked by religious institutions also rubs me entirely the wrong way.

I don't like how some antis feel the need to "punish" proshippers. It's not your place and once you start hurting real world people over fiction you're just making yourself into the badguy in the situation. I've also seen proshippers intentionally go out of their way to give antis similar treatment. Equally dumb. Neither community is a hivemind but yknow. Those sour apples exist everywhere.

I think i just generally don't like being told what to do or dictated. Yes that's childish I know.

Idk I think both have their reasons. Like yes it's just fiction and yes fiction does have impacts, I think those can coexist. When it comes to harassment I don't think that's cool in any context when it spawns from fiction. That probably makes me a proshipper in a lot of people's books and like if that's your framework of viewing it cool.

I think I've just chosen to like. Win the game by not playing. I'm not either purely because I choose not to be and just do what I want outside of that. That's probably annoying. Which is fair.

I don't hate people that choose to allign themselves with either side they're not like less than or anything. If you're not going around harassing anybody then you're always chill. Like idk just because I find the debate annoying and tiresome doesn't mean I find most people like that. If that makes any sense idk. Moreso to say its my problem not yours. Like most of my distaste for debate comes from what I've experienced due to my own lack of self control.

It also kinda feels like running with a filter though. Like I'm so worried about getting back to that point I avoid saying half the things I want to say. Then that leads to a little burnout of its own because of some weird obligatory feeling.

I think most ppl here are chill like nobody is too wrapped up in their own ideology that they stop having fun like I was. Their opinions are the side dish not the main course which is respectable and difficult to do if you struggle with your horse getting some fucking Growth Spurts like I do.

I don't know why I'm posting this here exactly. I think its to show where I'm coming from and removing the filter ig. I think I've generally gotten better at containing myself that I can say things and not feel the need for it to spiral into a month long debate with someone. The horse is off steroids ig. I acknowledge that I'm still probably very unlikable to a lot of people which is fine it can be offputting no matter where you lean.

Okay thoughts organized into very chaotic long post back to blorbo shitto posting

[tasmpeter]

The found family trope is so central to the serie, that I couldn't imagine Adrian's love story in any other way than confrontational in regard to the 11 st kids. They would be somewhat anxious of T return in Adrian's life considering her past + they would have adopted Augustine as an integral part of the team. (Furthermore if she looks so "nice")

Adrian is always looking for validation from them. Thus their opinion would be important for him. And it would clash with his core feelings, following what you started with the "Augustine is what a relationship should be, but Theodora is what feels good" trope.

I don't know, it would be interesting because this would actually offer some development into Adrian's psyche. I like that more than "perfect", love-at-first sight love stories. He's a messed up, complex character. Love's messy, too.

Thanks for indulging me. Can't wait to read your take - 👁️👄👁️

okay, no but this is pretty accurate. it honestly slipped my mind to add that into the story, so i will probably put some more tension between the group in the story. harcourt and chris are really prevalent in the end, as a way for augustine and adrian to address their feelings and such. (we will see in the next chapter that harcourt is very much a moral compass for harcourt and she trusts her opinion very much).

as for what augustine’s hiding, i think your line of thinking is much better than mine 😭 mine was definitely tamer (but it also adds to T’s mania because it’s not that big of a deal… but she will make it one.) idk, maybe i’ll tweak that aspect as well. we will see .

i’m more than happy to endulge any and all of your thoughts! doesn’t even have to be about dirty valentine, any adrian/peacemaker thoughts i’m more than ears for! (i have read literally every adrian chase fic on the internet so i’m bored in between new fics being uploaded + in between me writing) <333

[that-was-anticlimactic]

interests tag

i was tagged by @capt-snoozles es and @sheimagineddragons :)

MUSIC

Fave genre?

theatre !!! i listen solely to theatre and cartoon music [i.e. mlp songs, steven uiverse sings, etc...]

Fave artist?

uhhh my favorite musical is aladdin and my 1.5 favorite is a chorus line and my second favorite is come from away if those count haha

Fave song?

always: high adventure from aladdin broadway | idk why, but this song always helps me calm and down and take a breath and ground myself no matter what i’m feeling.

at the moment: safer from the musical first date

Most listened song recently?

nothing left to lose from the tangled series but like... the danish version...

and i listen to chant from hadestown a lot too oops

Song currently stuck in your head?

heroes on fire from kipo and the age of wonderbeasts

5 fave lyrics?

"it’s addictive the minute you let yourself think / the things that i say just might matter to someone” - you matter to me, waitress

"only one dad / only inspiring one son / edward, you’re done / writing your perfect tale / telling the perfect tale / it was a perfect tale” - what’s next, big fish

"but wishes are dreams and dreams are pretend / so science and reason win out in the end / science says you’re dead and gone forever / reason says i’m talking to the air / but something in my heart / some secret hidden part / illogically insists that you are there / somewhere” - if i believed - twisted

"and though the people around me / their mouths are still moving / the words they are forming / cannot reach me anymore / and it is quiet / and i am warm / like i’ve sailed / into the eye of the storm” - quiet, matilda

"i’m the son of poseidon / i never asked to be / but i’m the son of poseidon / now face the tide / inside of me” - son of poseidon, the lightning thief

[bonus] “i love a lilting line of lyrical alliteration / who doesn’t love alliteration?” - i love the way, something rotten

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | louder or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

Fave book genre?

uhhh i don’t think i have a specific genre, but anything that talks about the morality because i love that kind of analysis

Fave writer?

uhhh it changes, but i usually say chris colfer or edgar allen poe

Fave book?

the land of stories, chris colfer / an author’s odyssey, chris colfer

the lost hero, rick riordan [look it’s my favorite one...] 

murder on the orient express, agatha christie

heart of redness, zakes mda

king lear, shakespeare

Fave book series?

the land of stories series by chris colfer :)

Comfort book?

angels at the table - debbie macomber

Perfect book to read on a rainy day?

how to speak dragonese, cressida cowell

Fave characters?

goldilocks / conner bailey, land of stories series

piper mclean, heroes of olympus

camicazi, how to train your dragon series

ron weasley, harry potter series [love ron, not the author tho]

matilda, matilda

5 quotes from your fave book that you know by heart?

"be brave, children. courage is the one thing no one can ever take away from you” - land of stories

"there’s no such thing as im-POSSIBLE, hiccup, only im-PROBABLE. the only thing that limits us are the limits of our imagination” - how to train your dragon

“i like it when somebody gets excited about something. it's nice” - catcher in the rye

“self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting” - henry v

“do you think, because i am poor, obscure, plain, and little, i am soulless and heartless? you think wrong! — i have as much soul as you, — and full as much heart! and if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, i should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you” - jane eyre

“so matilda’s strong young mind continued to grow, nurtured by the voices of all those authors who had sent their books out into the world like ships on the sea. these books gave matilda a hopeful and comforting message: you are not alone.” - matilda

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

Fave tv/movie genre?

uhh pretty much any cartoon tbh

Fave movie?

the my little pony movie (2017)

the lego ninjago movie (2017)

finding neverland

coraline

Comfort movie?

the my little pony movie (2017) [once watched it six times in one day]

the friendship games

Movie you watch every year?

the my little pony movie (2017) [i watch it once a month over zoom with my internet friend shannon]

Fave tv show?

the hollow

avatar: the last airbender

kipo and the age of wonderbeasts

lego ninjago: masters of spinjitzu

my little pony: friendship is magic

miraculous: tales of ladybug and chat noir

psych

Comfort tv show?

the hollow [specifically s2 ep6, dead end]

Most rewatched tv show?

the hollow

my little pony: friendship is magic

miraculous: tales of ladybug and chat noir

5 fave characters?

sokka sokka sokka sokka sokka, atla

vanessa, the hollow

cole brookestone, ninjago

nino lahiffe, mlb

benson, kipo and the age of wonderbeasts

varrick or bumi ii, legend of korra

tv shows or movie | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more)* | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes* | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

hehe this took awhile, but this was fun :)))

okay so uhh, imma tag [with no obligations so sorry if you were already tagged], my fellow thespians @bisexuallsokka and @bobisahandsomeskull as well as @leesbian42 and @fixationsbigandsmall