#most things require 10+ minutes of cooking and doing that while I’m actively dying (or so my body thinks) is almost enough to make me crazy

[eddis-not-eeddis]

I don’t feel hunger properly anymore. I broke my body, so I constantly teeter between “nothing” and “desperately, insanely, unimaginably ravenous” when my sugar crashes. The problem being, if my sugar isn’t actively crashing I just. Don’t think about food. At all. It never crosses my mind, so I don’t do any kind of meal prep and suddenly I Must Consume and there is nothing ready to hand, so I end up eating three boxes of dry cereal and an ice cream bar, and this isn’t working at all.

[circethegoblin]

STAYING ALIVE MASTERPOST, FROM A BROKE TEEN WITH ADHD

here you go. some down to earth tips on how to not die metally nor physically.

tired of those "drink three liters of water everyday uwu" and "wake up at 5 am" and "buy a bath bomb and a fec mask and some other things you don't have the money for" shit? i'm here for ya.

1. NOT DYING

eat at least three meals a day, one of which m u s t be warm and above 300 kcal (it can be istant ramen with an egg added if you have to)

you technically should shower everyday, but we know how it is. A change of clothes is sometimes enough.

DRY SHAMPOO AND BABY WIPES!!!

keep bottles with water everywhere. On your desk, near that spot on the floor you always end up sitting on, near your bed, basically whenever you know you spend a lot of time. No need to get up and go to the kitchen will help. Obviously change the water in the bottles as often as you can.

Get some form of physical activity. It doesn't have to be much, you can for example replace scrolling on tiktok by walking around your room and scrolling on tiktok! Brilliant, isn't it? Obviously, running or doing those 10 minutes workouts from youtube is better, but you are still getting like an hour of walking.

Buy blankets. Steal blankets. Summon blankets from other dimensions. Just make sure you have a lot of warm, soft blankets in your house. You will thank me when you won't have the anergy to wash your sheets (just take them off and throw some blankets on your bed), or when the power goes out.

If you have pets, ALWAYS keep spare food that'll last for a week for them.

things to always have in the kitchen: milk, eggs, flour, rice, pasta, yeast, cheese, oil, a leafy vegetable, onions, tomatoes, apples, patatoes, some flavourful sauce, sugar, salt, spices and an emergency chocolate bar. You can make a lot of food with those. Just make sure you won't eat the chocolate too fast.

Have a lot of spare batteries. A lot.

Get urself a flashlight, a lighter, and a pocket knife.

Remember the apples? eat one a day. if you don't like apples or you can't eat them for any other reason, you can take a kiwi, banana, orange, basically something that will give you vitamins and non processed sugar.

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

drugs from that one guy around the corner = very bad time

2. NOT DYING INSIDE

Open the damn window.

Don't watch so many commentary videos. You are probably not even checking the sources, so you can easily make unjust judgement, and like. did you even hear of half of those people before?

make a discord server just for yourself. get into the habit of writing little things that happened to you there. rant about the fanfics you read. or the movies. vent there if you don't have anyone you can vent to. write your ideas there, write e v e r y t h i n g. make a section for passwords, for quick ideas, for your to do lists. you won't lose it as you do with sticky notes or notebooks. there is no risk anyone will see it. oh, and when you'll have a strong impulse to tell emily that you hate her? write that message in your private server and list all ur arguments. look at tat the next day and decide if you really mean that.

life sucks. come to peace with it.

cuddle ur pets if you have them

1 hour a day without a lot of sensory input. if you have to, reduce to half an hour.

if you find yourself scrolling endlessly through social media, make sure it's pintrest (just don't compare urself to the people here; if you have issues with that, tumblr may be better)

delete. twitter. from. your. phone.

influencers are lying to you; maybe not even intentionally. remember when you were watching that cute-aesthetic-productive morning routine, and you were wondering why your life isn't that pretty? why your room is a mess? why you cannot for the life of god be aesthetic 24/7? its the filter. don't worry about it, their lifes arent that nice either.

realize there's actually nothing stopping you from screaming as loud as you can right now. like there is no physical barrier. think about it. realize there's no actual physical barierr to many other things.

your body is your body. you can decide how it looks like; just remember it's in your greatest interest to keep it healthy.

3. BEING A LITTLE BETTER THAN JUST ALIVE

If you wear make up, take it off before you go to sleep.

moisturize your body; everything is better when your skin doesn't feel dry

have a one brand of cosmetics that you love and buy things mainly from it. they often have sets of products that complete each other. i like ziaja. it's a polish brand, it's surprisingly cheap and has nice quality

cleanser, moisturizer, face mist

of you can, change your sheets once every two weeks

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

do a deep house clean once a month (don't beat yourself up when you don't tho)

keep your workspace organized (it doesn't have to look organized to other people, remember)

sunscreen

cook your own food

keep a calendar

no money for scented candles? got ya. make a simmer pot: throw some apple peel, a couple of cinnamon sticks and whatever spices that smell good you have into a pot, add some water and simmer. boom. your house smells good, and you haven't spend 20 dollars.

If you really like candles, buy scented wax melts. it's cheaper.

Buy urself scented mists. they're pretty cheap and will make you feel A LOT better.

keep your clothes clean. if you aren't sure if that shirt thats on your chair is dirty or not, throw it in the washing mashine anyway. better be sure.

if you can, make your bed right when you get up

wear clothes that make you feel good. put some effort into your outfits. really.

4. OTHER PEOPLE

be nice to essential workers.

if you have money, give tips.

remember, you do not owe anyone love; it is not something you can force. even if they saved your life. even when they helped you in your darkest time. if you don't love them, you don't.

you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy.

if you want to, date! date everyone! date girls, date boys, date nonbinary people! date people completly different than you, date people from different countries, date them!!! just make sure they're kind and won't kill you. even if you don't end up in a relationship, you can learn a lot.

don't be afraid to piss off people that deserve it

smile to strangers :)

5. NOT FAILING SCHOOL

heard of dark academia? check it out

romanticize the heck out of studying

do not let your studying be just reading the same partagraph over and over again. it won't work. believe me.

seterra for geography, quizlet for everything else

try to make yourself intrestet in whatever you are studying (watch veritasium, listen to podcasts about weird history facts)

notes are for you and you only; don't worry about them looking pretty. doodle on margins, make weird metaphors, squeeze in as much info as you can.

when you're studying, listen to music without words/in a language you don't understand.

chew gum while you study

get the forest app, get attached to the trees, focus.

don't feel guilty for taking breaks

grades aren't everything, but they are important.

eat something in school

don't just use the cheapest pens. invest a couple dollars in something that will make writing enjoyable and smooth

those study with me videos? they're great

if you like to argue with the teachers, take care of your grades becouse. they may not like you afterwards.

be nice to your classmates and help them with homework. if you don't do your homework they'll help you

executive dysfunction won't let you study? been there. sometimes it's better to wake up ealier tommorow and do that homework then.

don't feel guilty for failing a test

go to the goddamn class

don't pull all nighters oh my god don't especially on weekdays

6. OTHER LIFEHACKS

don't get involved in the crime, and if you do always have a believable explanation why you were doing it

have different alarm sounds for every day of the week

set a daily limit of money that you spend

great hobbies that don't require a lot of money; urban exploration, writing, hiking and learning other languages

thrift stores

don't eat grapefruits while on meds

nail polish removers dissolve most strong glues.

if you have a cut on your skin, desinfect it. do it. please just do it.

always have pads with you. even if you don't get periods, at least one of your friends probably does

sign up in your local library. its free

[angsty-violet]

Date Night

Written for the Secret Santa Star Trek exchange @startreksecretsanta for the lovely @doodlingleluke. I hope you like it. If you have an AO3 account I can also gift it to you there, even if you aren’t a writer.

This is the archiveofourown link because it is quite long. Under the cut is the story if you want to read it here.

--------------------

B’Elanna worried over the table and frowned as she once again adjusted the tablecloth. She just could seem to get it quite right, and it was driving her crazy. Finally, she gave a huff and gave up. It could just stay crooked for all she cared. It didn’t matter anyway. It wasn’t like Seven was really going to notice.

Although B’Elanna wanted it to be perfect, she knew logically that Seven wasn’t going to notice much of anything. She had little idea of how human social interactions were supposed to commence and, therefore, didn’t make a big deal when they didn’t go to plan.

Which was actually quite relieving for B’Elanna. She had never done well with the cutesy couple-y things that seemed required of human women. Nor had she managed the throwing objects that Klingon women did. She fell somewhere in the middle, most of the time. For most things, that was perfectly fine. However, for courting? It was nearly a disaster.

That was until she had begun to date Seven. Seven was intensely easy to please as she saw value in functionality over all else. Similar to a Vulcan, a gift that would help in her work never failed to hit the mark. B’Elanna often found she was happy with just an upgrade on a tool or placing her on a shift that played to her strengths.

Which made her nervousness over this date completely ridiculous. Neither of them conformed to human social standards. Even if they did, Seven didn’t know enough to know the way dates were supposed to play out anyway. Yet, B’Elanna found herself worrying over insignificant details like the tablecloth and whether or not the food would be to Seven’s liking.

B’Elanna took a deep breath and reminded herself of what Tom had told her about a successful date. As long as both parties had a good time and were willing to do it again, it was a success. The food, the lighting, the location, or any other detail could be absolutely horrid. As long as they had a good enough time to try it again.

B’Elanna placed the last of the replicated food on the table with the items she had Neelix make for her. That was everything that needed to be done, and she still had 10 minutes to spare. Seven would likely be perfectly on time. She was for everything else, and B’Elanna didn’t see why this would be any different.

Unfortunately, this allowed her plenty of time to pace nervously and try to keep from biting her nails. It was a nasty habit she had picked up during her time in the Maquis. She often bit them when she wasn’t doing something with her hands.

After several minutes of desperate pacing and endlessly changing the music, her door chimed, and she called for Seven to come in.

Immediately B’Elanna’s breath was taken away. Seven had allowed her golden blonde hair to tumble around her shoulders and had changed into a more decorative outfit than her standard jumpsuit. She was holding a bottle of wine in her hands, and this allowed B’Elanna to recover from her stupor and make conversation.

“Ah, I see you brought wine.”

“Yes, apparently, it is considered normal for the person attending the dinner to bring along something to contribute. Neelix suggested a bottle of wine would make a good addition to your meal.”

“I’m sure it will go wonderfully. I can open it while you have a seat. Dinner’s ready, so we can dive in whenever you are ready.”

Seven nodded unsurely and sat at the table. She watched as B’Elanna opened the bottle of wine and poured them each a glass. As soon as the wine was poured, likely with nothing better to do, Seven took a sip. She hummed in satisfaction at the taste and set it back down. For a few moments, there was only awkward silence. Finally, Seven gave up trying to pretend like she knew what she was doing.

“I don’t really know what we are supposed to be doing. From my reading, we are supposed to engage in discourse that allows us to learn more about each other. However, I already know a great deal about you, and you know pretty much everything about me. I don’t know what else there is to talk about beyond those.”

“Well, I think it’s partially about spending quality time together. Sure, we know a lot about each other, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have things to talk about. It’s a little odd, but we could talk about work. We could talk about your progress in the programs you and the doctor are running. There is plenty to talk about. You just need to pick a topic you would like to discuss with me. Or alternatively, allow me to pick a topic I would like to discuss with you.”

Seven looked as though she wished she could be taking notes, and B’Elanna hid a smile. She was so sweet, and she tried so hard. B’Elanna sometimes wished that she was more sentimental. If she was, she might’ve been able to say that Seven couldn’t do anything wrong during date night to drive her away. Especially not something as minor as talking about the wrong thing.

“Alright, then, I would like to discuss this nice tasting meal you prepared for me. It is enjoyable to eat. Did you make it yourself, or did you replicate it?”

“Part of it was replicated, the meat specifically. However, the vegetables are real, and I helped Neelix prepare them for tonight. They came out quite nice with me monitoring what they were putting in them.”

“Yes, they came out quite well. I imagine that many of his dishes could stand for someone to be watching what he was putting in them. Often they are so disgusting that they hardly aren’t even edible. The fact that he gets away with it is astonishing.”

“Yeah, well, he actually is good for morale. He cheers people up. More than that, we don’t have anyone else who wants to be the cook. Even if they did want to, it’s unlikely that we could spare the capacity.”

Seven looked up from her food, intrigued. She had been dying to ask this question for weeks now. “Why are you running on a skeleton crew? I looked in the database, it says that you should have at least 4 times the crew that you have on board. It seems bizarre that they would put such a small crew on such an important ship.”

“That’s sort of a long story. You see, we originally started as two separate crews. There was the Maquis and then the Voyager. However, the Voyager technically wasn’t supposed to be out of dry dock yet. It was finished and still being staffed. However, it was the only ship available to being sent out after the rebel Maquis crew. So, they sent them out with the bare minimum needed to run the ship. They believed that they would only be out there a few weeks. However, then the caretaker pulled the Maquis and the Voyager into the Delta quadrant, and we’ve been here ever since.”

Seven sipped lightly at her wine and processed what she had been just told. “So, you are telling me that this isn’t just a crew made up of individuals? But that it is also made up of two separate crews who were essentially enemies? How is it that you were able to reach an accord?”

Seven was leaning over the table in avid interest. Despite her misgivings about this so-called ‘date,’ it was turning out to be fascinating. She was learning so much and strengthening her romantic relationship at the same time. It seemed to be very efficient, and that pleased her a very great deal.

“See, Seven, that’s the mystery of humans. We were all trapped out here, and we knew that we had to work together if we wanted to get back. It was necessary for our survival. We all took our individual skills and pooled them. Then we made a plan for getting back to the Alpha Quadrant. It doesn’t always happen like this. Sometimes our issues are too much to resolve. When it matters, we can come together to do what we have to.”

“Even though I am now human or working on it. Human behavior absolutely fascinates me. Humans can overcome impossible odds. To achieve things that seem absolutely impossible.”

“Yes, I suppose we do. Well, are you finished?”

Seven glanced down and saw that she had almost finished every single bite and felt that she was pleasantly full. She nodded and handed the plate to B’Elanna to place back in the replicator.

“What are we supposed to do now? We have discussed and eaten. What other date activities would you like to engage in?”

B’Elanna tilted her head and then smiled. “I have a wonderful idea. You’ve been working on dancing, haven’t you?”

Seven nodded slowly. “The Doctor has been instructing me.”

“Well, how about we have a dance together. You can lead because you’re taller.”

“I don’t know if my skill is up to what you have in mind.” Suddenly Seven felt intensely flustered. The thought of being pressed tightly up against B’Elanna almost seemed like too much to bear. B’Elanna seemed to almost read her thoughts and smiled.

“That’s alright. Whatever you are capable of is going to be wonderful. Computer, play Waltz Composition Torres-14. May I have this dance?”

“Seven locked eyes with her and allowed herself to be pulled to her feet. She sighed as B’Elanna guided a single hand to her lower back and clasped the other. B’Elanna slowly pressed her entire body up against Seven’s, and Seven began to feel a bit short of breath.

“So, I step back, and you step forward. Then we step to the side. Then I go forward, and you go back and then to the side again. That way, no ground is lost, and no ground is gained. Around in circles forever and ever.”

B’Elanna guided her through the steps several times. Making sure that Seven was well versed in each one. Then they tried it a few times with the music.

B’Elanna couldn’t help the small smile that broke across her face. Seven was so focused that her brow was furrowed, her eyes fastened on the ground. B’Elanna took her hand out of Seven’s and used it to smooth a hand over her cheek. She pressed it gently to her face. Seven looked into her eyes and blushed deeply.

“You’re lovely.”

B’Elanna’s words only made the blush worse. Seven looked away shyly. B’Elanna smiled and continued to guide her through the steps. For several minutes they practiced slowly to the music before B’Elanna decided that she had enough practice.

“Alright. Let’s do this for real. Computer, restart audio.”

The music restarted, and B’Elanna allowed Seven to lead. Seven continued to focus on her steps, but after a few minutes, she had the hang of it. She quit looking at her feet and started looking at B’Elanna. Again, her breath caught. Seven was absolutely blown away by the sight that her girlfriend made. She couldn’t believe that B’Elanna was with her.

“This was a good idea. I’ve decided I like having dates with you.”

“Oh, with me? Does that mean you wouldn’t like dates with other people?” B’Elanna teased gently.

“I’ve not dated anyone else. However, I believe that the experience is enjoyable because it is you. I don’t think I would like it with anyone else. I would see it as a waste of time that could be done doing something else.”

“So, what’s different with us?” B’Elanna’s voice was unsure. She didn’t know if she was going to like the answer that Seven had to say.

“We are different because it does have value. You and I are working to strengthen our relationship. We aren’t just trying to pass the time with idle chatter or social interaction. We do this so that we might have future success in our romantic endeavors. That to me, means that they have great value. I wish to make it so that our relationships will be successful.”

B’Elanna smiled at her and reached her arms around her neck. She kissed her firmly on the lips and Seven hesitated but then pressed forward. For a few minutes, they stood there kissing, before B’Elanna pulled back.

“We need to stop or otherwise I am going to jump all over you.”

“I agree. I don’t believe that I am ready for that level of intimacy yet. However, I also don’t want this date to end. I have had such a good time with you. Is there anything else that we can embark on and spend a few more minutes together?”

B’Elanna thought for a moment. She also didn’t want the night to end. None of their dates had been nearly this good and she wanted to make sure it lasted. She wanted it to be a standout memory. However, the mess hall was loud and not suitable for dates. The holodecks were likely booked completely up.

“What about the hydroponics lab? On Earth a visit to a garden or a museum is a classic date night activity. We likely can’t get into the holodeck right now, but I imagine that right now the hydroponics lab is empty. We could go look at the flowers and talk about their cultivation.”

Seven tilted her head and contemplated it. Then she nodded in agreement. Truthfully, she had no great wish to visit the hydroponics lab. However, the thought of the long walk to, the visit itself and the long walk back adding more time was very satisfying. She didn’t care what they were doing, as long as B’Elanna as doing it with her.

B’Elanna took Seven’s hand and led her out of her quarters. She made sure to grip it firmly, although she wasn’t certain that Seven would understand. Many of the things humans did for affection seemed to baffle her. She didn’t understand hugs. Although she had picked up the purpose of kissing quite quickly. Apparently the more sensual or sexual an action was, the easier it was for her to understand.

It was the things that you did to express your feelings that she didn’t quite understand. Although, who could blame her. Humans were intensely complicated and Seven had spent most of her life.

B’Elanna was right. Seven didn’t understand what the purpose of holding hands was. However, she was willing to go along with it. If it was part of the courting rituals that she had missed or even just a quirk, Seven didn’t mind indulging her. Although Seven was finding that having a point of consistent contact was lovely.

Seven reached for another topic to speak about and couldn’t find much. Thankfully B’Elanna was much more experienced in the art of social conversation.

“So, you’ve been studying Vulcan poetry with Tuvok. How is that going? Are you enjoying the lessons or finding it intellectually stimulating?”

Seven sighed as she was able to carry on a conversation about something she understood. “Yes, I am enjoying his teaching. Tuvok’s take on Vulcan poetry has a number of classical elements but he has a perspective I believe is partially from being around humans so often. He has such interesting viewpoint on some of their beliefs and some of the issues talked about in Vulcan poetry.”

“I’m glad to hear that. It’s very human to have hobbies and interests. It’s part of what makes you unique as a person. Although you won’t find many aficionados of Vulcan poetry outside of the Vulcans themselves.”

“Yes, we spoke about that. He mentioned that he believed that it would be sensible for more Star Fleet Captains to pursue it as a study. He seems to believe that because most of the Captains are human, that they would benefit from studying something very alien. He thinks it would help with their skills as diplomats if they had to try and understand a very different medium from a very different culture.”

B’Elanna thought about some of the botched First Contacts that Voyager had and found that she agreed with Tuvok. Humans, on the whole, were very human centric and tended to think in primarily human terms. Although that was fine, for most of Star Fleet, Captains were held to a higher standard. Many of them likely would do well undertaking a study of Vulcan poetry. Between having to deal with the boredom that came with it and the obscure references they didn’t understand, it would be good training.

“It would make sense that he’d have ideas for how Captains could improve themselves. He was an instructor at the academy for many years. Although he struggled when he was instructing the Maquis crewmembers, he eventually figured it out.”

“I didn’t realize that he was an instructor. Are all Vulcans as good at teaching?”

B’Elanna thought back to her Astrophysics professor and snorted in derision. “Not a chance. In fact, I’d say that on the whole, they are horrible teachers. They have little to no concept about what other people are thinking or feeling. They also have no consideration for the fact that you have other things in your life beyond whatever they are teaching you.”

“Aren’t there human teachers like that as well?”

B’Elanna stepped into the hydroponics lab and considered it. She shrugged lightly not being able to disagree. “Yeah, but you’re more likely to have someone who at the very least admits you might have other classes. Most Vulcans are awful to take classes and studies from. You’re just lucky that you got someone who is so logical that he has to consider the other parts of your life. Otherwise, he might be insufferable. Here, these are the new flowers that are supposed to increase oxygen output from here.”

Seven inspected them and nodded. She didn’t know why she was doing either, but it seemed the way to go. More than that everyone in her life had been encouraging her to rely more on her instincts than anything else.

They lingered there looking at the plants for a few minutes but there wasn’t much to do there. Before Seven had a chance to say anything B’Elanna was taking her hand and leading her out of the hydroponics lab. Seven struggled for a way to say what she was feeling but came up short. B’Elanna seemed to be reading her mind though.

“I know that you want this date to go on and on forever. I want that too. I want to make this night last as long as possible. Yeah, either of us might get killed tomorrow while on duty. However, most likely we won’t, then we will have another date. That one might not be as good but it will be another chance to spend time with each other. Then we’ll have another, and another. Before you know it, we’ll have gone on dozens of dates. Some of them will have been good, some will have sucked. But each of them will have been with each other. I think I can say goodbye to you tonight, if that means I get more chances in the future.”

Seven gazed at her and sighed lightly. For a moment B’Elanna was surprised. It was such a human gesture. She could see that Seven didn’t want to part company and it gave her great strength of will. If she died tomorrow, B’Elanna would be able to die happy. She would be satisfied knowing that even if they hadn’t made it that far into their relationship, Seven was dedicated and wanted to be with her.

“I find myself upset at the thought of us not having any future dates for any reason. However, especially if that reason is your death. However, I can concede that eventually this date must end. Even if we were to spend the entire night together, eventually we would have to return to our duties and real life. I can concede the same thing as you, though. Your willingness to do this again gives me the discipline I need to tell you goodnight.”

B’Elanna smiled gently at her and continued to lead her back to her quarters. “How about this, a single drink, one more dance and then we’ll say goodnight?”

Seven gave her the barest hint of a smile in return and nodded in agreement. B’Elanna led her back into her quarters and to the table. She poured out two glasses of wine, the last of the wine in fact, and handed one to Seven. Seven took it and sipped lightly while sitting back down at the table. She took the chance to commit every part of B’Elanna’s face to memory. She wanted to remember this moment for the rest of her life.

They sipped lightly in silence, just enjoying each other’s company. There weren’t any words that needed spoken. They had already said everything that needed to be said and they would be able to part company with their relationship stronger than before.

After both of them finished their wine, with neither lingering, B’Elanna offered her hand to Seven. Seven took it and allowed B’Elanna to draw her to her feet. B’Elanna smiled gently at her.

“Just one more dance. Then we’ll have to wait until tomorrow to see each other again. The day might go slowly, but we can take comfort int the fact that it will happen. Now, dance with me. “Computer, restart earlier audio.”

B’Elanna once again guided her through the steps of the waltz. They waltzed together in silence enjoying their company and the time that they had together. B’Elanna laid her head on Seven’s shoulder and drew here even closer. For a time, they were a single entity split into two parts. Their hearts beat in sync, their breaths were breathed in at the exact same time and their movements were smooth and graceful.

Seven allowed the sheer contentment to fall over her. Oftentimes she had heard others speak about what it was like to be in love. The way that they felt when they were in their lovers presence. The sheer joy that it was to spend company with someone they loved, the way their hearts felt like they were full to bursting and the feeling that they could spend literal hours together and it would never be too much. She had always believed that it was sentimental, overexaggerated tripe.

Now, she knew that that wasn’t true. She could spend and eternity in B’Elanna’s arms and never tire. She could waltz with her until they both perished and it would ultimately satisfy her. She had never known a feeling this deep.

In B’Elanna’s head there were similar thoughts. About all of her failed relationships. Everything that she had lost and gained over the years. How she had never believed that she would ever find someone that could love the Klingon and Human parts of her. Yet, here that someone was. Waltzing with her and not wanting to say goodnight. It was all that she had ever wanted.

For a time, they would waltz. Eventually the audio would end and they would split. After that they would say their goodnights, Seven would return to her alcove and they would spend the time away from each other. They would spend most of the next day thinking about the other. With the exception of those times where their work would temporarily draw their attention away from their thoughts. Then they would do their best to find any excuse to go and see each other.

However, that wasn’t what was happening right then. For these few moments they were with each other and there was no one else in the world. They had no concerns beyond this dance and beyond the other. They would remain locked in that waltz until the real world called for them. After it did call for them, they would part company reluctantly. However, they would always be thinking about the other.

[purplesurveys]

1030

1. What did you do on the last nice weather day? I’m guessing ‘nice’ here universally means sunny and fair, even though that isn’t my weather of choice. But that said, yesterday I just stayed indoors and caught up on rest by binge-watching Friends, which I haven’t done in a while. I also ordered another embroidery kit online since my first kit, which I had mostly used as a trial since I’ve never done one before, has since run out of the given floss.

2. What do you love the most about your work? I work in an agency, so I’m not forced to do PR under just one company which I think would get boring for me pretty quickly. With the nature of my work, it’s fun working with many different brands/companies at one time because I get to be exposed to and learn about different industries, and I’m also challenged to come up with campaigns that would best fit the different groups that we work with which is always fun. Also, PR is a great way to keep up with the trends and always remain hip because I always know about upcoming campaigns or promos before they’re even unveiled to the public, lol.

3. What do you think about what is going on in the world today? I think wealthy people and big corporations are a crucial, if not the main, root of the world’s problems and it’s frustrating that the task of mitigating those issues is always delegated to everyone below them.

4. What is your favorite way to work out? By not doing so, hahaha.

5. What motivates you? I don’t know if anything has been lately. I’ve been taking life slowly and easily these days and I’m allowing myself to just go through the motions as I digest all these big adjustments currently going on in my life. For now I’m not putting any pressure on myself to be motivated to do anything big. I’m still a little overwhelmed with everything as it is.

...where’s #6?

7. What is something people do that drives you crazy? When people need something from you so they message you, but do unnecessary small talk before asking for a favor. The fact that they need my help does not bother me; the fact that they are only talking to me because they need something from me does not bother me. It’s the small talk that irks me. I’ll be ready to help anybody at any time and it doesn’t matter how long it’s been since we’ve spoken – but just go ahead and ask for the damn thing and don’t waste my time trying to sound like you care about what’s going on in my life.

8. What are some things on your bucket list? Go to Wrestlemania, travel with my own funds, have my own place, have kids.

9. What are some of your deal breakers in a relationship? Do I even have any? Gab dropped so many red flags in our relationship that should have been dealbreakers and my dumb, ever-forgiving ass always saw past them. I think the thing with me is that I think I have a list of dealbreakers, but when actually confronted with them I’m too afraid to speak out about it, so I just forgive and forget and eventually they just stop being dealbreakers. I have to work on that.

10. What do you never leave your house without? My top three are phone, keys, wallet. And of course, as a given – a face mask and face shield.

11. What was your most memorable vacation? Sagada and Singapore/Malaysia, since that was my first trip abroad.

12. Do you have any phobias? Needles and fire.

13. What is your favorite ethnic food? Indian, Thai, Indonesian, and Korean. 14. I love Italian/Thai etc. Would you like to go to my favorite place sometime? I love both, though I like Thai a tad bit more. And yessss, I’m always open to anyone’s recommendations so long as it’s got something to do with food.

15. What TV shows have you binged lately? I’ve been rewatching Friends again and I’m in between seasons 5–7, which I believe to be the show’s peak. Currently, I’m several episodes away from the Ross/Elizabeth storyline and Chandler’s proposal.

16. Send me a funny meme that you shared recently. I haven’t been active on social media, so I haven’t seen any new memes lately. I hate missing out.

17. What do you hate about technology? This is more nitpickiness on my end than anything else, but battery power. I hate being constantly cautious over my gadget running out of power or dying on me especially when I’m out. I often find myself wishing for technology to evolve to the point that we won’t need batteries or to charge stuff anymore, which idek if it’s even possible haha.

18. What sites do you find yourself visiting the most? YouTube, by a mile.

19. Do you have any favorite apps? Again, YouTube. I also like going through Reddit at the end of the day.

20. What is the best part of your day? Any point I don’t find myself feeling miserable.

21. What time period would you like to visit the most, if you could time travel? 70′s punk/rock scene, maybe? < Ooh, this is a good one. Also, late 90s Attitude Era-era WWF/E. And whenever Pompeii was around.

22. What scents do you really enjoy? (a certain flower, cut grass, fireplace, perfume) Bakeries, a newly-cleaned hotel room, coffee shops.

23. What is something that you are terrible at? Giving and following directions, drawing, and cooking.

24. What are some favorites on your playlist right now? Because I mentioned The Japanese House on a survey last night, I am ALL over Saw You In A Dream again. Seriously, god-tier. One of my favorites ever. Outside of that, haven’t been listening to music lately because I’m still sad; but I might find myself back on Spotify soon. As much as I haven’t been tuning into music, I do miss it.

25. What comedy movie is your favorite? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Also, a bit of a garbage choice but White Chicks.

26. Have you ever meditated? No. I don’t think I have the patience/required attention span for it.

27. What is your dream job? I wanted to be in PR. I currently work at an agency which is my dream for now so yay for me achieving that, but like I’ve said before it would be such a dream come true if I can come work for WWE, my dream company, in any capacity. Getting to work for their in-house PR team would be the perfect icing on the cake.

28. What comes to mind when you think of a great moment in your life? Being in a relationship, and how much I miss that feeling. Now that I’ve experienced both singlehood and having an SO, I can definitely decide that I don’t particularly enjoy being by myself.

29. What do you miss the most about college? The independence I learned to gain. My campus was such a freeing environment and it allowed me to grow so much, to wear whatever I want, to join whatever protest or rally was going on, to meet new people, to hear different perspectives from my classmates. I miss being there.

30. Whenever you text it makes me smile! ???

31. What are you planning this weekend? My weekend is nearly over, actually...for the remaining 10 hours and 20 minutes of it, I willllll probably just watch a bunch of wrestling and maybe find something to watch on Netflix just so that I have something interesting to share for the weekly check-in tomorrow with the team.

32. Who is your favorite band? Paramore, but you knew that already.

33. How do you like to spend your free time? If I manage to find a few free minutes while at work, I gobble that shit up by lying in bed and finding a video to watch. On weekends I like doing embroidery, taking surveys, maybe even find a black hole of articles to read on Wikipedia. I’m also looking forward to playing video games once I’ve finally bought the ones I’ve been eyeing to get.

34. What do you like about springtime? I don’t know. I can’t relate, we don’t have that season.

35. Is your personality similar to anyone in your family? I’m most similar with my mom, but I share traits with my dad as well.

36. How have you handled having to stay in? It was sucky at first, but after eight months you kinda get used to it and just make the most out of things you can do only at home.

37. Are you able to work at home? Yeah, we’re all on a WFH set-up right now.

38. How would your friends describe you? The most popular opinion would probably be ‘shy.’

39. Did you ever take a really big risk? Sure.

40. What do you want to be known or remembered for? Anything but negatively.

[nashvilletonihon]

There’s No Race, There’s Only A Runner. Just Keep One Foot In Front Of The Other...

Hey guys. It’s been a few days (ok, maybe a little bit more than that) since I last posted anything. To be honest, I don’t have much to tell. I’ve been at my high schools for two weeks now and have actually taught less than a handful of times. This upcoming week is the Cultural Festival, so both Amino and Kumihama have been focused on preparing for that. This means there are shortened classes and varied schedules depending on rehearsal times. Cultural Festival is a school wide event that requires the students to all participate in various activities. At Amino, the First Years are required to perform in a play. The second years are required to sing and the Third Years are required to dance. There are also food stalls, games and activities that the teachers can buy tickets to. (I have one for a Japanese tea booth I plan on visiting on Wednesday.) At Kumihama, all of the students chose to perform in different plays depending on their homerooms. There is a general atmosphere of excitement and anticipation filling the hallways and classrooms at both schools and I am 100% ready to see all of the students hard work and effort come to fruition. We just have to hope against hope the typhoon doesn’t ruin everything.

This past month has been one of the most difficult of my life. I’ve been very open and honest about my struggles regarding moving to and living in Japan. This week was especially hard because I was not feeling well, school and classes did NOT go how I had imagined them and I was incredibly emotional and homesick. (For those of you following the saga that is my sleep schedule, I wish I could inform you that it’s getting better....but it’s not.) I thought maybe a run would combat the stress and anxiety I that I was feeling, so Wednesday night I did just that. In 90 degree weather and at least 1,000% humidity I put on my running clothes, laced up the new sneakers I bought (because I FINALLY found a pair in my size) and just...ran. I didn’t have a set destination. All I knew was that I needed to run away from my emotions. (Spoiler alert: They caught up with me later.) As I was aimlessly running, I stumbled upon a park a short distance from my apartment. Curious, I decided to take a little detour to see what it had to offer. Turns out there were a few tennis courts, a small lake, a really, really nice baseball field and some nature trails heading up a “mountain” toward one side the stadium. 

Feeling adventurous, I decided to explore one of the trails. I quickly realized how out of shape I am as I began to climb the almost vertical stairs. Huffing and puffing I hauled myself up this mountainside. With each step I took I became more and more emotional. I kept thinking about how classes that day had been a total bust. The students sat there. Stone faced. Silent. They just stared at me like I had grown a second head as I attempted to introduce myself. The more I tried to make it exciting, engaging and fun, the more they refused to participate. You want to talk about feeling judged? Stand in front of a classroom full of 30 high schoolers who want nothing to do with you and what you have to say. 

(It ain’t fun.)

Wheezing and panting, my mind filled with failures of the day, I finally reached the top of the mountain. Exhausted, stressed, anxious and downright fed up, I sat down next to a small, run down temple and cried. 

“What am I doing here? Why did I leave the great life I had in America for this? The students don’t care. I can’t understand anyone. I’m alone and I miss my family. I miss Preston so much. Does he miss me like I miss him? I miss going to movies with him. Feeling his arms around me in bear a hug. God, what I wouldn’t do for a hug. From anyone. I could still be working at a really great job right now back in the States and having the time of my life with my friends. Instead, I’m here. I don’t want to be here anymore. I feel like such a failure. This is too hard and I honestly don’t know if I have anything left to give. It’s only been a month but it feels like a lifetime. I want off this roller coaster. Please. I just want to go home.”

I cried until I thought I couldn’t cry anymore. (I did the next day while on the phone with my mom.) I sat there next to that temple with snot, sweat and tears running down my face and felt so, hopeless. To have so many things beyond my control is new for me and I hate it. I knew this was going to be hard but I had no idea it was going to be THIS hard. I know by now that I must sound like a broken record when it comes to this. “Yes Rachel, we get it. It’s hard but god bless, pull up your big girl panties and DO something about it.” Or maybe that’s just what I would tell myself from the outside looking in. And I promise you all that I am. I’m studying Japanese like it’s a dying language, saying yes to every offer that involves hanging out, grabbing food or exploring, getting involved in after school activities like Kendo and attempting to stay as busy as possible to keep my mind off of the crippling doubt and anxiety ridden thoughts I’m having.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. 

That being said, I’m a firm believer that the universe gives you exactly what you need precisely when you need it. Enter Kate and Jess on a rainy Thursday evening. A few days earlier, Leah (my predecessor) had reached out and informed me that last year an older Japanese couple, Kumi and Masani Yoshida, had invited some of the JETs over to their house for a weekly dinner. The wife used to be a JTE at Amino (my base school) and apparently their bread is famous among the Kyotango AET’s who have had the pleasure of attending one of these gatherings. 

I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to go. I had just finished bawling on the phone to my mom when I got the message that they were outside my apartment. I quickly splashed some cold water on my face, slipped my sneakers on and walked outside. No make-up. Messy hair. Sweaty and sick looking. “Sorry I look like death warmed over.” I mumbled. “Not at all. You look great.” Kate replied with a smile. (Already being much nicer than I deserved.) “Would you like to follow us so that you know how to get there the next time?” Not feeling particularly social, I quickly agreed and got in my car. 20 minutes later we had arrived at an adorable Japanese home with two of the kindest people waiting for us inside. (I dare someone to find an unkind person in Japan.) 

Dinner was entirely vegetarian, comprised of dishes like noodles, rice and vegetables all grown in and harvested from their personal garden. AND THE BREAD. (I would 100% die for that bread.) The Yoshida’s didn’t even seem to mind that I was mostly speaking in English, too tired to try to work out what I wanted to say in Japanese. Kate and Jess have been in Japan for five years now and did most of the translating for me and the Yoshida’s in return. I was maybe a little more candid than I should have been upon first meeting them about how lonely and miserable I was. (Keeping in mind that I had my incredibly gracious hosts sitting right next to me.) I told them mostly everything. How isolating the countryside is, especially when you’re a Prefectural JET because you don’t get the luxury of meeting all the Municipal AET’s at the Board of Education almost every week. I talked to them about how sad and homesick I was and how I didn’t know if I had it in me to last an entire year. They both listened with patience and responded with kindness. Kate told me about how she went through the same feelings and emotions when she arrived. Her situation was a little different from mine because she wasn’t a JET at that point and had no job to work at or school to attend. “I was home for 10 hours a day, by myself. It was awful.” she confided in me. “But don’t worry. We’ll make sure you’re not alone anymore.” I almost started crying at the dinner table. 

As the meal began to wind down, we made plans to return again the next week. This time Kumi invited us to come earlier than 6:45 so that Kate and I could help her cook dinner if we wanted. It’s a fantastic opportunity to expand my Japanese recipe book and authentic dish making skills, so of course I adamantly agreed. Laden with leftovers and some brand new towels (the Japanese love giving gifts) I slipped on my outside shoes as Kate informed me that Kumi is well versed in the art of tying and wearing 着物 kimono and that there is a festival dedicated to kimono is October. I was immediately invited and have plans to attend with Kate and Kumi if our schedules allow. Kate and Jess also made plans to pick me up the next morning to show me around Kyotango, take me to the grocery store so that they could help me with any questions I might have regarding labels and food items and to basically let me know that living in the countryside isn’t a death sentence. (However much it might feel like one at times.)

So this morning, we did all of that. It may have been raining but that didn’t dampen our spirits as we bought locally grown veggies and homemade bread at a cute café down the street from where I live, drove along the coastline for some of the most gorgeous views I’ve ever seen and a place that I definitely plan on taking my family and Preston when they come to visit next year. We grabbed a delicious lunch of ramen at the mall where I do some of my grocery shopping and capped off the afternoon with a trip to this tucker away liquor store next to the train station where I can find all of my favorite American whiskeys and spirits for half the price. Places I never would have known about if Kate and Jess hadn’t taken time out of their Saturday to drive around and show me. I am forever indebted to them and their kindness. We already have plans to go hiking once the weather cools down for good and to go to the 温泉 onsen (Japanese bath/hot spring) for some girl relaxation time when school gets to be too much. I laughed and smiled more today than I have all week. Most importantly though, I didn’t feel judged for the way I’ve been feeling. Here they are five years later with no plans to leave and a potential house in the works. Life’s funny, ain’t it?

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I have no idea what the next 11 months will bring. (Except maybe tears. And most certainly memories.) What I do know is that I am slowly surrounding myself with a group of wonderful, kind, caring, gentle, patient and genuine human beings who make each unknown day a little bit easier to manage. It makes me excited to introduce my family and boyfriend to them. To show my loved ones the people who have become so dear and so close to me. My network of support and a safety net when walking the tightrope gets to be a tad too scary. 

I’m one fortunate gal, I tell you what. I haven’t given up just yet, and I’ll keep puttin’ one foot in front of the other.

- レイチェル (Rachel)

[uicyoulater]

How to be a Cheap (smart) Human #1

So, I’m a cheap ho. Well ok, I’m not always a ho but I’m cheap af and you should be too. Why? Cause money is hard and you should be smart with it when you can. Of course, there are definitely things I splurge on and things I could save even more on, but I’m pretty proud of myself so far. In this little series, I’m going to give my best tips for being a cheap ho. Some of these tips will be Korea-centric and some will be universal so anyone can use them.

The first step to being a cheap ho is to sort your consumption into 3 categories based on what you have control over changing.

A: Can’t change/Won’t change – Things that you need to pay for and can’t change (can sometimes change, but would require extreme effort and/or a significant lifestyle change) or Things you can change by choice but value highly and would not give up

B: Difficult to change – Things that you have the power to change but will either take time or higher effort

C: Easy to change – Things that you can (relatively) easily change by yourself and quickly

Of course, each of these categories will be different depending on the person. Some people can more easily make changes to their lives and habits than others and other people value things more than others. That is why you should think through this by yourself. Some things you think you can change will have extra explicit and implicit costs that you might not think of immediately. Take all of that into consideration.

Just to serve as an example, I’m going to list the things in my own categories below and why each thing is there if it’s questionable. I’ve never really written this down because it’s more or less ingrained in my mind now, but it can be helpful if you like to work through things on paper.

A: Can’t change/Won’t change

School tuition, other school/club fees, phone/internet service, Netflix, home items/toiletries (toilet paper, soap, detergent, shower items), medical costs

I took a big step coming to Korea to lower my tuition costs, but without that big change, I wouldn’t have been able to lower the price. I refuse to leave TKD, my wonderful Wi-Fi, and Netflix because I value my sanity. I have sensitive skin/hair so I refuse to change my products, though I must note that I use generally cheap stuff anyway so it doesn’t matter too much. Your health is important, so pay for it (or live on your parent’s health plan until age 26)

B: Difficult to change

Rent, transportation cost, utilities, strict food budgeting, cosmetics, flying home

Rent is difficult to change because moving takes time and money and many people value certain aspects of their homes very highly. In Korea, high deposits can make moving very difficult as well. One thing that could make moving worth it, though, might be transport. Korean public transport is cheap compared to the US, but it can still add up. If I go to school 5 days a week and ride the bus or subway there and back, I am spending about $10/week on transport. If I then need to use transport after school to go shopping, go to work, or return to school in order to participate in other activities, that is even more. If you move closer to where you go most often or just limit your use by being willing to walk more, then you can spend less. In general, if something is a <25-minute walk away then walking, unless injured, bad weather, carrying things, etc., is just as fast. Utilities can be lowered only slightly and only to a certain level, so just keep it in mind but don’t worry too much. I will get to my strict food budgeting later, but it requires some effort. If you like makeup like me, you understand that some things are worth paying for and some aren’t. It depends on you but I try to look for sales and dupes but I still value some mid-level priced items. Lastly, flying home is often a big cost during vacations. If you put in some effort to shop around, fly at an unpopular time, or join airline rewards programs then it can be cheaper. While I could personally fly in the cheapest seats of the cheapest airlines with 12-hour layovers, I value getting places relatively quickly and having good customer service, so I don’t go on the cheapest possible.

C: Easy to change

Snacking/delivery/group meals, going out, unneeded clothing, music/video streaming services (other than Netflix, optional expenses, the “stupid tax”)

Snacks are important, but so is money. Same thing with delivery. Of course, if you have a craving for fried chicken or pizza it would probably be more expensive to make it yourself unless you usually do. In that case, share the cost with others and limit your frequency. For example, the TKD club goes out after almost every practice for food. Sometimes it’s BBQ, sometimes ddokbokki, sometimes ramen, etc. I try to go out only once a week at most with them and only for food that I either can’t eat alone or really want to eat. Going with that, go out less. There are ways to get free/discounted entry and drinks at different places, which I could talk about at another time, but not going out at all is usually the best option. If you do go out, go with friends. Sometimes it is actually economical at some bars/clubs to buy a bottle or set of something and not just individual drinks. Just remember that drunk you will just spend like crazy so be careful. You don’t need more clothes if they all fit. On the other hand, if you have old clothes get rid of them. I don’t pay for music/video streaming other than Netflix because I don’t think I need it. For music, I use Soundcloud, Deezer, and Youtube with ad-block on. For video, I use Youtube and Project Free TV. Is it 100% legal, eh. Optional expenses are things that you might want but don’t need. This could include expensive hair dying/cuts, tattoos, new technology you don’t need, and/or general clutter items. (AKA Lili stop buying gatchapon) Lastly, the stupid tax is fairly easy to avoid. This term is something I picked up from the show “Divorce Court” and its basic premise is that by doing stupid things you end up paying more and it’s basically a tax on stupidity. Don’t pay your bills and get late fees? Stupid tax. Be careless with your phone/computer and need to get it fixed or replaced? Stupid tax. Buy plane tickets super late for a planned trip? Stupid tax, Do risky things that might get you injured? Stupid tax. You get the point, there are some things that you end up paying for that stem from being stupid. Don’t be stupid.

These are mine. Tell me if there’s anything you think I forgot, but most likely it’s just something I never think about. These are only ways to save money, not earn it. That’s a different topic in general that I can get to at another point.

If you want to determine which things you can change, you have to make sure you balance three things: time, quality, and money. You have a limited amount to spend every day on all things. Something fast and good won’t be cheap. Something good and cheap won’t be fast. Something fast and cheap won’t be good. Taxis are more expensive than walking, cooking meals will take more time than getting delivery, and being lazy won’t get you good schoolwork.

[yujachachacha]

Get to know me

Tagged by @symphonyalpha​ (I forgot the URL for a second and was like, “Why isn’t Jaewhy showing up when I type it in the user mention???” lol).

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

Last: 1. Drink: Barley water, because that’s what my family drinks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 2. Phone call: My grandma, telling me what time she needed me to drive her to her doctor’s appointment. 3. Text message: To my little brother, telling him to STFU because he kept sending me dumb shit on iMessage. 4. Song you listened to: Does SIF count? If so, “Sore wa Bokutachi no Kiseki”. If not, I was headbanging to “Paradise Lost” by Chihara Minori after dropping my grandma off at her friend’s place the other day, lol. 5. Time you cried: tbh I probably teared up a little when I was watching the footage from the Lantis preview of the Aqours 1st Live BD/DVDs ｡ﾟ( ﾟஇωஇﾟ)ﾟ｡

Have you: 6. Dated someone twice: I haven’t even dated someone once :’))) 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I’ve kissed exactly one person, so...hm. There was a period of time when I had conflicting emotions over what happened, but in the end, I don’t think I regret it. 8. Been cheated on: See #6. 9. Lost someone special: I’ve had a grandfather pass away, and this is probably going to sound bad, but...I really appreciated him, and he was nothing but kind to me. However, since I’d only seen him about three times in my life, the biggest way his death affected me was through my mother. It took her a while to get over my grandfather’s death, so it changed the way I behaved around her during that time. 10. Been depressed: Yes. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Exactly once, because I made the mistake of keeping pace with my uncle in Korea who takes soju shots like a champ. This also happened to be the night before Lunar New Year, so I got chewed out by my aunt (older sister of my uncle) once she realized why I was so lethargic during the festivities. _(:3 」∠)_ I don’t regret it though, because before that I had never been hungover before and was wondering what my limit was, haha.

List 3 favorite colors: 12-14. Red, blue, and...uh...other than those two I don’t have any definite faves. I guess the third would be either yellow or purple...? I’ll just go with purple for the sake of completion.

In the last year have you: 15. Made new friends: #TeamONIBE 16. Fallen out of love: That would require me to fall in love with someone first. 17. Laughed until you cried: I think it might have been when Mayushii and King did that disastrous cooking niconama. Like...what the actual fuck, do they seriously not know anything about basic kitchen safety and hygiene??? 18. Found out someone was talking about you: The number of times I’ve gone on to Discord and found out that someone in ONIBE was talkin’ smack about me... (｡･ˇ_ˇ･｡) It’s all in good fun though, haha. 19. Met someone who changed you: See #15. 20. Found out who your friends are: Nothing says "friendship” like screaming your heart out at an anisong concert, eating McNuggets while insanely drunk, sleeping while squished together in a seedy neighborhood, wotaing loudly in a moving vehicle, and other various activities I did with people I had never met in real life. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ AX 2017 was hella great for ONIBE bonding. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I don’t think I’ve even used FB for non-work stuff since 2016 lol

General: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: If this means “I’ve actually met them in person and have had a decent conversation with them”, then maybe a few hundred? But if this means that I actually talk to them on a semi-regular basis, then, like...10, maybe. :’) 23. Do you have any pets: See my answer in the previous chain post I did. tl;dr I had a turtle and a dog in elementary school, but after that, no pets. I’d like to have a dog when I get a place of my own, though. 24. Do you want to change your name: Nope. 25. What did you do for your last birthday: Watched LLS Episode 13 in the morning and ate Korean BBQ in the evening. 26. What time did you wake up: Today? I honestly don’t remember. Sometime before 9? 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Laughing at dumb shit on Twitter and Discord, probably. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: The Delayed Viewing for the 2nd Live for the US! I’m making plans to meet up with ONIBE folks again and it’s gonna be ~L I T~ 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Early in the morning. She was like “lol get up and lose some weight” while I was still in bed so I groaned back, “You’re one to talk,” and went back to sleep. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I was gonna say “how about eliminating my student loans haha” but I suppose this is supposed to be a more serious question. I guess it’d be nice if I was a neater person. Like, my room is a total mess right now and I’m terrible at keeping track of things I should be working on... 31. Listening right now: Fun fact - I actually only listen to music while I’m driving. Otherwise, it distracts me from what I should be doing. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yup, that was the name of my debate coach when I was in junior high. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: People who hate on LL seiyuu. Like, they’re actual human beings who are working really hard to live up to the expectations of thousands - no, millions of people worldwide. To be quite honest, I invite you to tell me if you legitimately want to shit on any one of them (both µ’s and Aqours), because I have yet to see a single person who has had a good justification for doing so. 34. Most visited website: Probably Tumblr/YouTube/Twitter/Reddit, too lazy to figure out which one of those it is.

Jaewhy put in random questions here because they were missing for some reason, so I guess I’ll continue those: 35. Mole(s): I have a few around my face, but other than the one on my right cheek I don’t think they’re that noticeable? I don’t spend a lot of time in the sun like other Californians. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 36. Mark(s): I have a birthmark on the backside of my right shoulder that I’m sort of self-conscious about. It’s the perfect shape for getting a tattoo of a sunflower around it, so maybe I’ll do that some time in the future? 37. Childhood dream: Lawyer. 38. Hair color: I feel like I’ve answered this in a previous chain post, but it’s black. Duh. Though if you hold it up to the sun, some of the ends are more like dark brown. 39. Long or short: Long. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: See #16. Nope. 41. What do you like about yourself: I’ve spent an unhealthy amount of time staring at computers/video games and I still don’t need glasses. :D 42. Piercings: No, but I should probably get my ears pierced at some point? 43. Blood type: O. 44. Nickname: Yujacha, but a lot of people shorten it to “Yuja”. 45. Relationship status: Single. 46. Zodiac: Libra, Dog. 47. Pronouns: I feel like it’s obvious what gender I am, so just go with those. 48. Favorite TV show: I don’t really watch TV these days, but if I’m kicking back with some hot cocoa at like 2am I might watch Criminal Minds or something. 49. Tattoos: Nope, but like I said in #36 I’ve been thinking about it. 50. Right or left hand: Right. 51. Surgery: Wisdom teeth removal is technically dental surgery. 52. Hair dyed in different color: I had highlights in my hair a few years ago, but they faded real quick. I’m vaguely considering dyeing it brown in the distant future...? 53. Sport: It’s fun to watch the occasional match when there’s a World Cup or Olympic thing going on, but otherwise I have no interest. 54. (A question I came up with since #54 was missing) Extracurricular activities: I was a debate kid for most of my school life, and in college I was in the Korean Club and Student Union. 55. Vacation: Does the 2nd Live DV later this year count? 56. Pair of trainers sneakers *American anthem plays in the distance*: I actually need new ones because I’ve tripped while hiking on at least two separate occasions due to my shitty old sneakers.

More general: 57. Eating: Haven’t yet. 58. Drinking: Wasn’t this literally the first question? 59. I’m about to: Eat. 60. (This question was missing so I'll make one up again) Thinking about: What to eat lol 61. Waiting for: 2nd Live DV~ 62. Want: Money tbh 63. Get married: I’d like to at some point, but at the moment I’m kinda tired of hearing about it from every middle-aged woman who talks to me (including my own mother). 64. Career: Working on it.

Which is better: 65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs, because they’re warm and comfy and can be shared by complete strangers. 66. Lips or eyes: I was gonna repeat a previous answer and say “eyesmiles” but since this is “lips or eyes” rather than “smiles or eyes”, I guess my answer would fall more under “eyes”. 67. Shorter or taller: Bruh, if someone’s shorter than me then I’d need to check their ID to make sure they’re not jailbait. Taller. 68. Older or younger: I’ve never dated anyone so I honestly wouldn’t know, but I’d probably look for someone close to my age first? 69. (Lmao why was 69 missing :3c I’ll just make something up again) Outgoing or shy: The former, since I’m lazy. If someone doesn’t drag me to places I’ll just lay in bed all day. 70. Nice arms or stomach: It’s actually really hard for females to have a toned stomach, so any gals with abs are like ooh~ 👀 But I actually like hands! I have smol stubby fingers so I really dig people with nice hands. 71. Sensitive or loud: The former, because I don’t need the entire neighborhood to know when I’m gettin’ laid kthnx 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship, because sure why not? 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Maybe the former, but if they’re being too much of a lil’ shit then I’d go for the latter instead. I’ve dealt with friends who take like 20 minutes to decide what to order from a menu so I know that feel. :’)

Have you ever: 74. Kissed a stranger: Nope. 75. Drank hard liquor: Yup. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I’m pretty sure I annoyed half of ONIBE during AX when I went “haha y’all are blind af” after I found out I was pretty much the only one who didn’t have corrected vision. 77. Turned someone down: I was about to say “no” and then I got a sudden flashback to a certain incident in college, wow thanks for making me remember something I had tried to forget...sooo, uh, yup. 78. Sex on the first date: See #6. 79. Broken someone’s heart: IDK if turning someone down counts as breaking their heart. 80. Had your heart broken: ...yes. I think? 81. Been arrested: Nope. 82. Cried when someone died: Do fictional characters count? 83. Fallen for a friend: Uhhhhh...kind of? It was complicated.

Do you believe in: 84. Yourself: I’d like to think that I do. 85. Miracles: KISEKI DA YO~ ...sorry, I had to. Yeah. 86. Love at first sight: Shukashuu is living proof of this. 87. Santa Claus: Nope, sorry Maki!!! 88. Kiss on the first date: Sure.

Other: 90. Current best friend(s) name: IDK if I have one. :’) 91. Eye color: I’m Asian, take a wild guess. 92. Favorite movie: I don’t really have a favorite, but I did like “Kimi no Na wa.” (Your name.) so much that I made it my phone’s lock screen.

Tagging: I've only tagged people the first time I did one of these and I’m gonna try to keep it that way. If anyone who reads this wants to give it a go, feel free~

[bombshellinfo]

Real life Tips for a Better Work-Life Balance

It's so secret—managing all the things you have to do as an adult is a challenge. From doing your best on the job to taking care of yourself (and, if you have them, your kids) to trying to see friends and stay sane, we know you've got a lot on your plate.And while it's up for debate whether you can "have it all," you certainly ought to be able to balance everything you've got and live a happy, fulfilling life. To help you out in that pursuit, we've gathered some of the best advice out there on maintaining a healthy work-life balance. Read the tips below, and start implementing some of them today.

Managing Your Time

1. The most game-changing advice I’ve gotten is this: If you’re truly going to act on your priorities, you need to dedicate time to them. So, I took a weekly calendar and some crayons, and mapped out my priorities to create a “typical” week, with time dedicated to each of my priorities: exercise, work, family time, and so forth. I started with the “big rocks:” the most important and least flexible responsibilities (I learned this trick from Stephen Covey). For me, these were work and my children’s sports schedules. Then, I decided when I get my best work done. For example, I knew that my job required time for “deep-thinking” work, so I dedicated one day per week to be meeting-free. Alix Hughes2. One of the biggest struggles is fitting it all in to 24 hours. Waking up at 4 AM gives me extra hours in the day, and this quiet time allows me to complete projects before the house wakes up. Hannah Morgan3. To make time for hobbies, passions, and relationships outside of work, I've made sure to have a short version of what I'd ideally love to do for busy weeks. I'd rather have a nice long dinner with a friend if I can, but during a busy week, catching a 45-minute coffee during the day is better than not seeing friends at all. I love biking, but it requires more time than I have most weeks, so I've picked up running (reluctantly), since I can do it when I just have 20 minutes. Alex Cavoulacos @dailymuse reduce or eliminate multi-tasking. Be where you are!— kylie sachs (@tismoi) November 24, 20135. Instead of multi-tasking, I look for ways to overlap things. Best example: When my kids were little, I had no time for hobbies, but I was dying to try birdwatching. So I introduced it to my seven-year old son, thinking he might like it, too. He was hooked, and so we started doing birdwatching together. It became the perfect overlap of time together with a hobby for me. Kate White6. We need to elongate the time frame upon which we judge the balance in our life, but we need to elongate it without falling into the trap of the "I'll have a life when I retire, when my kids have left home, when my wife has divorced me, my health is failing, I've got no mates or interests left." A day is too short; "after I retire" is too long. There's got to be a middle way. Nigel Marsh

Taking Time for You

7. It's important to remember that free time doesn't have to be available time. In other words, just because Wednesday night is empty on your calendar, doesn't mean you have to say "yes" when your co-worker asks you to go to an event with her. It’s important to remind yourself that you can turn invitations down for no other reason than you want that time to yourself, that your free time can be just that—free. Erin Greenawald8. When I have a good chunk of time to myself, I sometimes feel obligated to use it to get other things done, like errands or phone calls—but I’ve learned that the only way to use that time to truly reduce my stress level is to do something totally for me. A yoga class or quick burst of exercise is a good method to calm your spinning head, or enjoy some light-hearted TV or an ice cream or coffee date with a friend. You could also spend an hour playing with the puppies at the pet store, indulging in the total silence of a library, or browsing for random treasures at a thrift store. Jessica Taylor9. I block out "me time" in the early evening. Even if I know that I'm going to get back online later and work, I realized that I'm a lot more likely to go to the gym, see friends, or cook myself a real dinner if I give myself 7-9 PM "off" to do those things before getting back online. If I finish all my work first, or even "just do my high priority work"—it's 11 PM before I stop, and I am realistically not going to go to the gym or call anyone up or even cook, I'm just going to finish my work for the night and crash. Melissa McCreery@dailymuse I use my lunchtime to do some fun stuff - short market/store trips current fave #worklifebalancetips— Kitchenbutterfly (@Kitchnbutterfly) November 23, 201311. Even if I’m feeling busy, I remind myself that time away from work and the computer is energizing and important. Scheduling downtime requires a combination of time management (deciding when else to get the work done), working ahead when possible (so I have more time later), and keeping a to-do list. Miriam Salpeter 

Having a Social Life

12. While you usually reserve fun things for the weekends, plan at least one enjoyable activity during the week. You'll be able to head into your work week with something to look forward to and have a way to blow off some steam if the week starts off too strong. Katie Douthwaite@dailymuse I look for activities that incorporate work and play so I can kill two birds with one stone, such as mixers and networking events — Desirée M. (@ImDesi) November 23, 201314. Schedule recurring social activities, like a monthly book club or weekly dinner with your best friends. By having regular activities like this written into your calendar, you'll be able to plan around them (instead of planning your social life around work).@dailymuse Set times for yourself. If you reserve an evening for plans with friends/family, you'll focus more during the day.— Melanie Albert (@melealbert) November 24, 2013

Managing Work

16. You’ll be hard pressed to find a boss who will object too much to you working on your off hours (unless she’s required to by law), but that same boss will be just as impressed if you can do the work in the eight (OK, 10) hours each day you’re there already. Make the most of the time you have in the office, and leave the rest for tomorrow. Jennifer Winter17. If you start telling people you need to leave at a certain time, you’ll be much more likely to do so. Make the commitment to yourself, and then share it with others: As you discuss plans and assignments throughout the day, tell your colleagues, “I’ve got to be out of here on time tonight, so if you need something, let me know by 3 PM.” Try this method one day, then another, and then the next. Eventually, you’ll retrain your colleagues to expect you to leave on time every day. Lea McLeod18. Ever find yourself staying at work because you don't have a reason not to? Make reasons to leave. Join groups or sign up for exercises classes that meet after work so you have to sign out at a reasonable hour. Make plans with friends ahead of time so you can't back out and just stick around the office.@dailymuse Methods of #renewal(meditation) coupled with finding projects in the work environment that are #enjoyable help maintain balance— Paul A. Mabelis (@CognitiveLibert) November 23, 201320. You have to plan when you'll leave the office from the beginning of the day. That means understanding what needs to get done for the day and getting it done first so you aren't scrambling after hours to finish up. Also, block out the last 20 minutes before you plan to leave to wrap up loose ends, so you aren't trying to send "one more email" after you were already supposed to head out of the office.21. Sometimes when you feel surrounded by work, it’s because, well, you’re surrounding yourself with work. So, be deliberate about taking time before work, after work, or on your lunch break to step away from the office. Call your significant other, your mom, or your best friend, and ask what’s going on with them, avoiding the temptation to discuss anything even remotely work-related. Your job may be your focus for the rest of the day, but for a few minutes, move it to the back burner and focus on something (anything) else. Sara McCord22. Consider some highlights of your perfect day. What would you really enjoy doing? What’s absolutely necessary for you to get done? Identify what tools or extras would make the mandatory work easier to complete. Aromatherapy while you grade papers? A powerful run? Figure out what can help you, and build it into your day. Natalie Jesionka

Enjoying Weekends and Vacation

23. Instead of saving all of your life chores for Sunday, get them out of the way as soon as possible, either by doing them first thing Saturday morning or dispersing them throughout the week. That way, instead of spending your last few hours of free time on Sunday night scrubbing the bathtub, you'll be able to fill it with something fun and relaxing. Katie Douthwaite24. Carve out some time on the weekends—at least a few hours, but ideally a whole day—to stay away from screens. Put your computer and phone away and turn off the TV, then do something physical or creative that you really love. Go for a run. Draw. Write. Your mind will be a little more refreshed and a little sharper by the end of it.25. I always faced a double-edged sword on the weekends: I loved the feeling of being ahead on Monday morning if I worked during the weekend, but I hated the feeling of losing any of my precious weekend to work. Then, I started doing some of the more mindless work on my plate while I watched a movie on Sunday nights. I still felt like I got a full weekend, but felt ahead of the game come Monday morning. Erin Greenawald@dailymuse Using my vacation time! For me traveling is relaxing and mentally enriching. I come back to work happier and more focused.— Brandi Kolmer (@brandikolmer) November 23, 201327. The nature of many jobs is that there will never be an easy time to take time off, no matter how well you plan for it in advance. But that's no reason to not go at all. It's in your employer's best interests to have well-rested and recharged employees, and vacation time is a benefit that you've earned, just like salary, so you should use it. So instead of waiting for the perfect time—which may never come along—decide that you will use your vacation time this year, and make the question one of what accommodations should be made, rather than whether accommodations can be made. Alison Green28. Before you leave for vacation, ask your boss if she expects you to check emails or listen to voice messages while you’re gone. While it’s often necessary to stay at least a little connected, make sure you proactively set some boundaries. Feel free to let your boss know that you’ll only be able to check your phone and email occasionally—say, once a day, or a few times a week. Most bosses will be fine if you only respond to critical messages until after you return to the office. Lynze Wardle Lenio29. If you don't have enough PTO to take a full vacation, try taking a day off here and there for a stay-cation or long weekend. It may not seem like much, but taking just a day or two to break out of the 9-to-5 grind can do wonders.

Making Time for Family

30. There is a phrase used by Hillary Clinton that stems from an African proverb: “It takes a village.” And it does! Getting comfortable with others lending you a hand helps not only to give you comfort that your kids are in good hands, but it helps take the stress away. I chose to have live-in help because I had an unpredictable schedule, lots of travel, late hours, and evening entertaining, and I couldn’t have someone who had to look at the clock or bus schedule. But no matter what type of babysitter, nanny, or daycare choices you make, accepting that you just cannot do it all, single-handedly, is the key. Cathie Black31. When my baby was five months old, my husband and I decided to sleep train him (which basically meant letting him cry it out for three nights in a row). Those nights were extremely hard, but the upside has been nothing short of amazing. Not only do I know that each night from 7:30 PM to 6:30 AM I'll have time to do whatever I want—eat dinner with my husband, catch up on email, watch House of Cards—but our son is so much more rested and in all around better spirits. I know sleep training can be controversial, but as a working parent, I have no doubt it was one of the best things I've done for myself, my relationship, and my baby. Dorothy McGivney32. If you or your parenting partner is able to web-surf at work, use your downtime to set up auto-ship services for the essentials: diapers, toilet paper, paper towels, and so on. Services like Amazon Prime and Diapers.com sell these items on the cheap, and they’ll be delivered to your door with free shipping. Rikki Rogers33. Flexible hours enabled by technology can allow parents to perform well at their jobs and take care of young children at the same time. If you're an employee, talk with your boss about how working from home could boost your productivity, remembering to share some specific examples of how your work will improve. Richard Branson

Getting Chores Done

34. Make your grocery run as efficient as possible by making a list coordinated to aisles or store sections. Take advantage of coupon apps (many grocery stores have them). And if the whole family has to come along, get everyone involved: If you can walk, you can shop. Rikki Rogers35. By doing my least favorite chore at the beginning of each week, it feels entirely more manageable, not to mention frees me of the burden throughout the rest of my week. The feeling of work burnout tends to increase as the week moves forward, so by frontloading your work week evenings with your least favorite tasks, you can reserve the more enjoyable work night activities for the end of the week. Monday is for laundry, Tuesday is for vacuuming and bills, Wednesday is for dry cleaning, Thursday is for a DVR marathon. And so on. Rachell Buell36. When trying to fit more in, minimize the amount of time doing anything you have to do. Try setting a goal to have dinner ready in 30 minutes or less. You'd be surprised how many things can be cooked in 25-30 minutes, and it's a surefire way of getting time back several times a week. Bonus points for cooking several meals' worth on Sunday night and only having five minutes of reheat time.37. Get creative with what chores you can outsource (and therefore avoid!). There are plenty of services out there that will take care of your least favorite tasks for you, from cleaning and cooking to laundry and shopping. Check out our list of tasks to outsource now to get you started Read the full article

[glimpseofbeing-blog]

A Letter to a Friend...

Copied below is a a letter written to a friend in prison on October 10, 2017.  The body, beauty, art, ect., are reflections of the world.  I think this writing is to.  A representation of my processing of recent and ongoing events.  Hopelessly bleak and still somewhat hopeful.  A bit of Steppinwolf I suppose.

Hi Mike,

Been a bit, per usual-apologies for the delay. Honestly, I'm not even sure where the time goes. I make to do lists almost daily with "write Mike" always on there. It's strange: I haven't had a job in a year but I'm always busy, though I'm not sure with what. The little things in life I suppose. Maybe difficult to understand from your position, maybe not.

The world is wild. I'm writing this letter, or at least this portion, on my phone. I'll eventually email it, then print using a tiny memory stick at Kinko’s in town. And I'll pay for the print with my credit card, of course, so I can get a frequent flyer mile. After 12,000 of those I get a free flight. Ridiculous!

But the world is wild in many not so great ways too. I'm sure by now you've heard of the mass shooting in Las Vegas? I'd really love to hear your thoughts on gun violence and what you feel America can do? Only if you're comfortable and willing, of course. No pressure.

I have another sensitive question, only if you're willing as well: do you ever get depressed in there? If so, how have you learned to cope?

I'm newly seeing a therapist for my first time. Pretty excited though it took a minute to get started. The first one I tried was horrible but I've now connected with a woman who is intriguing in having previously worked on the stock market in New York before becoming a counselor. I like that she is into analytical business while holding a high value for emotional communication.

She shared that she knew 50 people who lost their lives in the world trade attacks on 9/11. After losing my friends in the fire this year I find comfort in speaking vulnerably with a person who also knows what grief comes when people disappear unexpectedly due to traumatic events.

My major motivators in seeking therapy are 3 fold. The first is dealing with ongoing grief from the passing of my friends. The second is improving my interpersonal communication approaches. I have patterns in intimate ongoing relationships where I tend to get frustrated and lash out at those closest to me. I've always done this with girlfriends and have lost a few great ones from my lack of self management. Never physical abuse, just saying things in anger that don't really communicate my interests. Likewise, I've struggled in work situations. After cooking in loud kitchens forever, I sometimes am too much for professional colleagues. I care a lot about work and invest a lot of energy in being successful. I try to communicate clearly but the high expectations of my drive to achieve have left some thinking of me as condescending. I can see what they mean though I certainly don't intend this to be. So hopefully I can find some new paths.

Thirdly, I find myself depressed here and there. Even with my job search: some days it's hard to stay positive, especially as political conditions and economic systems appear increasingly dismal. All in all, my life is great and I'm mostly a happy person. But some days things are cloudy.

As part of beginning therapy I have reached out to my sisters and asked them to share any relevant  diagnosis and resulting medication choices. I've known since childhood that mental health was an almost ubiquitous challenge for the whole of my family. And I saw therapists fail with my mother time and again while witnessing both my sisters enter various kinds of treatments with mixed results.

Still, I was shocked to read the depth of medication and diagnosis that my sisters have recently shared with me. My middle sister also helped refresh my memory of my mom’s conditions, medications and family history. I had forgotten that her father, although adopted, had been labeled schizophrenic. Obviously there is no genetic connection but as my sister appropriately noted that being raised in a household with these types of conditions can also affect one's adult development.

So here I am. Reasonably happy but aware that I suffer from situational depression as well as limited anger and frustration. Feeling pretty damn lucky in light of the struggles those most closely related to me have continued to face since our childhood.

I admit it is pretty wild each time I look back. The more I study the legacy of global capitalism and the role of American imperialism, the more I become aware of the privilege I received growing up as an American male of middle class status. For a long time, I wrote off any sadness or feelings of emotional trauma as overly dramatic and unfounded due to my privileged upbringing. But now more than ever, I have creeping memories of family events that I seem to have suppressed in convincing myself that I had no right to feeling emotionally challenged from my childhood.

Please understand that I am far from asserting I was abused in any traditional sense. I hesitate to place myself any where near such a label as I feel that would devalue the significance of experience so many others have had to endure in this truly messed up world.

It's fleet week here. I stepped out to get a coffee and saw the blue angels flying fighter jets in formation over the city. I remember running a food vending station at an air show years ago. My location was right next to the crowd stands and so I got to watch all these amazing jets and planes race by all day long. I've also been on an aircraft carrier once in South Carolina.

These are the creations of man, or better stated in a non-gendered expression, the result of human ingenuity. To say the least, we are impressive creatures posing powerful intellectual potentials. But I'm left wondering what it says about our species when we acknowledge that many of our most monumental feats are focused about death, destruction and oppression.

The world, or at least the human experience of it, appears to be dying and at an increasing rate. I have limited knowledge of how limited your knowledge is as a result of your incarceration. I think the briefest statement is to say things look bleak from most any perspective. The Cold War is in full effect again, poverty and the division between wealthy and poor is widening, and climate-related emergencies are increasing at a rapid rate whether our government chooses to acknowledge it or not.

The catch is that all these considerations are largely the result of human action and interaction, and in my view particularly the outcome of social systems that lack compassion born from respect for equality of being. Yourself and the many others imprisoned in our nation and across the world come to mind as I struggle with these thoughts. Malcom X wrote in his biography that the most cruel thing a society can do to an individual is to place them in a cage.

I recognize from your writings that some good has come from the programs you have engaged in during your sentence. I'm glad for that at least. I do hear some sense of achievement and hope as I read of your accomplishments and ongoing betterment activities. Likewise, I am aware that your crime, regardless of your remorse, which I believe is sincerely genuine, was a heinous act requiring some societal response.

Yet Malcom X's words continue to ring in my head, especially as the house I'm in shakes from the jets flying closely above in demonstration of the destructive power of our nation's political might. Something is very not right here. Maybe you weren't a child at 17, but after all our letters and the time spent as boys I struggle to accept that you as a person are simply an animal so threatening to the world that you should be caged. Or that caging an individual is actually for that person's benefit.

And in the same regard, I struggle to accept the prison system as fair and just while being aware of the disproportionate incarceration of minority groups and people of color. We have a nation that more strictly regulates a woman's reproductive rights than an adult's access to technologies solely focused on the termination of life. That is not just, fair or respectable.

I am glad you've found success in your living condition and that you've embraced the opportunity to both help others and prepare for re-entry. But I'd be lying if I said I believed in the system's expressed intent to rehabilitate and support convicted individuals for success upon release. It's hard enough for the average individual to get a job and I know that a felony record only exasperates this universal struggle.

I am optimistic for you though. I know you to be kind, well mannered and focused on positively supporting those around you. I think that orientation goes a long way in a world where success is significantly impacted by both an individual's sheer will and their connection to gatekeepers who hold access to limited resources such as employment opportunities. And so, I like to imagine that you have impressed many who you've worked with to a point where you'll have the opportunity to pursue your dreams upon their social connections when released.

I suppose this letter is far too heavy and long winded. Best to wrap it up. My apologies for not being more up beat. Please accept my vulnerability in sharing the rather dismal view that currently dominates my outlook. I hope you're well and continuing to find peace in working forward toward the next stages.

Best regards,

[topazandbelle-blog]

My New Year’s Resolutions: 3 Months In

At the end of 2016 I sat down and made a general list of things I wanted to work on in 2017 - “Lifestyle Changes” that would help me actively improve my life this year. They’re not the most unique New Year’s Resolutions, and truth be told I didn’t wait until January to start some of them, but 3 months into 2017 I’m starting to figure out what works (and doesn’t work!) in terms of the goals I set for myself and the way I’ve been tracking my progress. 

My 4 Resolutions were: #1. Leave the house more. #2. Take better care of myself. #3. Read more. #4. Save more money. 

All pretty basic, but they’ve each been challenging me already in January, February and March. 

Here’s how I’ve been doing with Resolution #1...

#1: Leave The House More Working from home means I sometimes find myself going days without leaving the house at all. My goal was to find at least 1 thing to do every week that required me to leave the house, whether it be going to a movie or hockey game, or just getting out for a walk or to do some window shopping.

How I’m doing so far: I’d probably say I’ve technically earned an A- if I were giving myself a grade. January was great: I went to 4 hockey games (some as a volunteer, some with friends) and tried a new workout class. Every week I found something to do that got me out of the house for some fun, and I really enjoyed each experience. February was pretty good, too: I took a last-minute trip to New York City, visited my sister for her birthday, went to a hockey game, tried yet another new workout class, and saw a movie. I packed about as much as I could into the shortest month of the year, but I noticed that some days leaving the house for these activities and trips made me anxious.  March is where I’ve struggled: I did manage to head to 2 hockey games, visit family for the first time since Christmas, and see 2 movies that I’ve been dying to see, but I haven’t really felt like I’ve been achieving what I wanted to when I set this goal for myself. 

3 months into 2017 I’m realizing my issue isn’t actually that I don’t leave the house enough, it’s that I don’t stop working! 

In a typical day, I sit at my computer constantly working on something, then turn on the TV and watch for hours (while still checking my phone obsessively for work emails), then get back on my computer to do more work before I go to bed. The longest “breaks” I take are just long enough for me to run to the kitchen and either grab food that doesn’t require any cooking, or cook while still working (Turn the oven on - work while it’s preheating - put frozen food item in the oven - work while it’s cooking - take food out - work while I eat.)

Instead of focusing on just getting myself out of the house, I’m going to focus on disconnecting - when I leave the house and when I’m home. 

This means:

making a list of key work priorities and projects each week, scheduling time to complete them, and then not working just for the sake of working.

setting specific times each day to check my email. 

not checking work emails when I’m not home (unless I am working - running out to pick up supplies or get to a meeting, etc)

Some days I end up working for 10 or 12 hours because I just keep working through my endless to-do list and checking emails as though everything is urgent. That email I received at 11pm on Sunday night? It can probably wait until Monday morning.