#mothyposting

[mothicality]

you mentioned 'flicker segments' in one of your recent tags and im wondering what that means? i think i have an idea and if im right m really happy because we're like that.

honestly i really like hearing about your system because in a lot of ways you sound like you function really like us and its so rare to see stuff that really sounds like us. akjsfb thank you for existing really.

Hi!! I know the terms from here:

Flicker: https://www.tumblr.com/artisticdysfunction/726824283002765312/flicker

Segment: https://pluralpedia.org/w/Segment

So they're facets that are less developed/distinct and only exist for a short time, for us they usually only exist to do a specific task. In CDD systems, these would probably just be called "fragments" (maybe "flicker fragments"), but we aren't personally comfortable using that term because of it being more a CDD term, like alter.

So for us, a new segment forms to do whatever task or handle whatever situation we're in, and when there's a new task/situation, a new segment forms for that and the previous one disappears/stops existing. It's a very seamless transition that we don't notice at all unless we're intentionally paying attention to it.

We have 5 types of segments, each type having some shared traits that all segments of that type have some of. For example, the Moth type is always more childlike than the other types, and the Sophia type is always more feminine.

We just refer to the types as Parts, since all Moth segments function and see themselves as just one part. With the post we left those tags on, these would be our "identities", we just personally prefer Part terminology :]

We've actually had a few reoccurring segments a few times when we tried to sorta track them, but never any permanent ones. They've been around a few times, and then some other segments were similar enough to think they were them but slowly it was realised that segment hadn't been around for a while.

We also sometimes have flicker parts, which are more well-defined like our parts are and possibly has their own segments as well, but they still only exist for a short time and only front once/a handful of times.

We don't keep track of our segments at all anymore, since it's just stressful for us and increases dissociation and instability.

Hope that explains it and how it is for us, bit of a ramble bleh :)

And!! We're really glad you like hearing about us!! It's sorta part of why we started this blog, cause it seems a lot of people have similar experiences to us and feel alone in it since it isn't commonly discussed.

There's actually a lot of things where people feel isolated in their experiences just because they aren't discussed often, but they aren't really uncommon at all. Some also gain further understanding of themselves from reading about this stuff, so that's cool too :]

[mothlegs]

cant fall back asleeeep :[ slept. 2 hours methinks? blehh. want. whipped cream u.u but dont have any so would have to ask adult to make for me but dont like the adults here blehh. and. sleepy still

[mothytheycallmommy]

Hey guys!

I'm sorry I haven't been very active, University has been kicking my ass recently this semester but I should be back to posting regularly again very soon! thank you all for the continued love on the few things I have and I have a new mascot my best friend made me! His name is Giggles and here he is :>

[mothicality]

we post too much syscourse so i will change that :<

being two is so weird !! dual thoughts and feelings. weird.!! and i sort of dont know how to explain it...

umm like... we are monoconscious so we can sorta only be aware of one at a time but we are still two. hear cals thoughts but feel my feelings!! weird!! and then it goes back to mostly being me. sorta switches between it depending on what is happening

[mothicality]

brain stuff is so weird :o we never really felt our age ever in our life, and everyone always thought we were a year older than we were. i dont think it was ever feeling a specific age, jusss not feeling the age we were

but thenn when we weree i think 15? we did feel our age!! and it was like Woa we Are 15!! and then. we stopped being fifteen but our feeling age didnt really move

but noww. mm we mostly think of that as cal i guess, but thats kinda funky to say and explain n such so for simples we'll say cal. Sometimes cal feels Seventeen (real age) and Sometimes cal feels Fourteen. and is kinda just those two. so the feeling age got younger but we are also still ageing

and thenn. idunno what i am :D i am no age. iam jus widdol baby. i am jus. mothy:) eke. i know im sorta child but im not a specific age, and i think thats got to do with me not being a real child

imm childLike, not real child. cause no real child is how i am, theres no um. idunno im more stereotypically child than real child, if that makes sense..? but thats!! again!! how how the brain can only be an imitation of the things it isn't, it can't really be those things. even though the brain Has been a child it Isn't a child anymore, so it can only be an imitation of a child

and i am. an imitation of a child. child as a general category. :)

but theres also lotsa ways im not a child. like writing this post. annd purrobably other things too ehe. i thinkk. when looking at why we're the ways we are, it is very helpful for us to understand the Whys of it. so with My Whys of of why im a childlike, we figured out that it's because children are nonthreatening and things people want to take care of, and we werent taken care of right, so makes sense for us to have a part that has traits that make people want to take care of it

[mothicality]

favourite night guard is here !!!

today i make him listen to the smiths. wwill see what he thinks tomorrow :) still sad he isnt here more in the daytime (not allowed to talk for long at night)!! favourite favourite favourite want to show him baldurs gate 3 but shyy today >.< and missed him yesterday cause we fell asleep early 3:

[mothlegs]

i am tired and cozy and in a good mood so i will talk about how i got all my books :)

tired cozy also gives me a bit of bravery so i am hugging all my mutuals. especially two specific ones because i see you doing badly but i am too shy to approach you directly so i hope you see this and magically know i am giving you the most caring hugs and i hope things are better soon

anyways books:) or well bookcase, not all reading books. im looking from my bed so i cant see all of them But

Sketch Books x2 (+1 smol ver)

i dont know how i got thes3 actually. maybe from tiger? i miss when tiger was t. uh. how do you spell that. tier..? ti'er?? idunno. the old name. i think these are all filled up, i think i got the first one when i was 10 :]

ANATOMY

This is a book full of naked people that i guess i accidentally stole. oops. i borrowed it from a now ex family friend who is insanely good at art, when i was like 12 or 13, and then it ended up on my floor and i ended up telling people he was kinda Weird(bad) about me (regret! made everything bad despite being true) so now we dont talk to him anymore so he cant get the book back. bah

Uhh a connect the dots magazine(?) my grandma gave me. dunnno when. i dont think ive touched it since :( sad cause i love connecting dots

I Am Looking From My Bed So Can't See What These Are x2 + Some loose papers

Fancy journal/sketch book/idk my mom bought for me in the big city :)!!

Undertale art book <333

I got it as a very late christmas present when i was 11 or 12 years old as well as some other undertale stuff and i literally started crying

I think this ones a diary i never really used that my mom got me and my grandma years ago. oop

Dear Evan Hansen !!!

i love this book. it is better than the musical. i love miguel and they had a perfect opportunity to put him in the movie but they didnt so i hope the movie goes to the movie version of hell

i got it when i was 14 i think? the week before it came i was actively suicidal in a "i feel a burning need inside me that is screaming at me to die" and that book might just be the only reason i didnt attempt then

Salmon Coloured Book From Tiger. cant see anything else about it and i have no memory of it

Skammeren's Datter

i think my grandma found this being given away for free at the library? one of my favourite books as a child my mom used to read it to me before bed when i was 11:)

Fængslende Tanker

book about intrusive thoughts my mom borrowed me at some point within the last 2 or 3 years

Tidsfangen

also my moms it is fiction i remember nothing about it oop

The Song of Achilles

i saw it on tumblr and liked it so got it as a gift at some point. i dont remember when, i still havent read it :(

Books my grandma got from a library giving them away x6

i havent read any of these:( also dont remember when i got them

Skammeren's Datter 1-2 & 3-4

the full series im p sure!! wanna reread themm

MAUS

i got it for my last birthday!! i havent gotten very far in reading but it is very good and i am learning and developing curiousities

The Unofficial Ghibli Cookbook

also for my last birthday!! havent made anything from it yet but it is really cool and i am so excited to make food from my favourite movies:))

Fever Series x3 (+1 in my nightstand)

currently rereading these, i havent read the 4th book tho

i found the first book at the library when i was pretty small, definitely less than 10, but i was too scared to read it. i think i gave up on reading it like 3 times but i kept thinking about it and eventually i read it and fell in looove. i love these books so much:D they are about everyone in sweden dying of fever except some kids:)

The Witch Boy

i first saw this book in sweden when i was 13 years old. it was in the basement of a game store, which is also the only store i have bought my own dice from. it also had a life size alien from the movies

i dont remember when i got the book myself though :( ive read some of it some years ago but dont think i finished it

More books my grandma got for free from the library x6

Wreck This Journal

my mom gave it to me when i was like 11 but i never really got to wrecking it u.u

Dreadnought

IT IS ABOUT A TRANS SUPERHERO :D her name is danny and i read some of it a summer in a tiny bedhouse (1 room building with 2 beds and nothing else. didnt even have a real door!!) at my aunties summerhouse (they are rich) i think i heard of it on tumblr. i love this book a lot but i havent finished it u.u

Extra Room No Books

d&d stuffs, some small toys and plushies, uuuh i see a small cardboard box but i dont remember whats inside:)

Shelf Below My Fancy Clothes

BNHA 1-17 i think?? also some Vigilantes, Black Butler 1+2, Bungou Stray Dogs 1, iii think thats it? i cant see it from here so idk

all of these were gifts from my grandma :)

"Nightstand" (chair thing i use as a nightstand)

First fever book

Killing Stalking 1+2 (bought at a comic store myself!! i was literally jumping around the store i was so excited to be there there was so much cool manga and there was stuff by neil gaiman!!! this is where bsd and the cookbook are from too)

The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy (given to me by a mutual actually :3 but like. mmmany years ago and i still havent read it >_o im sowey but i appreciate it a lot and i treasure it forever)

[mothicality]

bluhh we have soo many posts we wanna make and stuffs but we are so brainsick :((( we were already doing bad brainly with brainfog and low brainergy n stuff but now we started new meds and we are Exhausted constantly and all our brain struggles get worse every day. so un yea sorry wont post a lot for a bit we are experiencing side effects :(

[mothicality]

our sleep is all wacked :p

we went to sleep at 11pm and woke up att something before 4am methinks, and then went back to sleep at 6am, and then woke up at 3pm!! what!! hows that make any sense!

ohh but positive of fronttrack it makes it easier to remember when we sleep and wake up since unfront when go to sleep :o

[mothicality]

fun (sarcasm) things about being a child in a group home: my case manager(?idk if thats the right term weh she works in the government) has ghosted us for almost 2 weeks and now there is so sign of her at the meeting!

the meeting is very stressful. everyone stressed to be here. and she is probably not coming.

we are abandoned by the system :| but that is nothing new

[mothlegs]

my adult where i live says part of why it's so hard to help me socialise is my interests are so weird so there aren't any clubs n stuff for me? actually all my interests are very normal the issue is just that it's normal for people with a seven hour timezone difference but that is not my fault and i should be flown to america to go to number plate club every day.

ACTUALLY there is a whole number plate CONVENTION in GERMANY and i am going to cry and cry and cry till they let me go

did you know theres a number plate convention it's so cool :)

and also. there not being a lot of people interested in goats is a WORLD ISSUE not a me being weird issue. same with crows except 7 hour time difference people are with me on the crows

[mothlegs]

mothyposting so excusee grammar n stuffs

dreamt about. mm. losing people and being a dog and loving someone whos psychotic

mm. losing people was... went to some kinda school thing..? with my grandma and a good adult who works where i live (M) and a good adult who is temporary working where i live (W)

I lost my grandma in a gymlike place..? feels like ive been there before in my dreams. i overheard someone talk about her and tried to find her. i think i did and then took her to an office library thing..? where doors disappeared and i had to go around to get her where she was in the office thing. then i saw M on the other side of the window but his eyes were blue and his face was just a little bit wrong, very uncanny.

i started growling at him and lowered while showing my teeth to threaten the fake M, and then he did the same so i staryed snarling and barking at him. i think i started physically transforming into a dog..? but then... something happened, someone showed up..? and things changed... maybe it was W..? im unsure

but. thats all i really got of that dream

then i dreamt. i was outside. something about some semi abandoned buildings and wires and all kinds of stuff i dont remember

i was with a boy with soft curly hair and i think he was scared. i dont remember how exactly things happened, he was talking to me and i ended up holding him all soft and brushing his hair with my fingers and he was all soft and vulnerable and scared and i protected him. he trusted me and felt safe with me even though he was having psychotic episode and it felt all nice and safe and protecting him helping him

felt. useful. felt really safe, never feel safe but felt safe with him when i held him.

mm really like the idea of trusting someone despite psychosis even though i know it's unrealistic and when i have episodes (dont know if really psychosis related but similar) i dont trust anyone but the thought of it makes me feel safe :(

i dont know who the boy was but i loved him so much in the dream and it felt so safe... like with miguel (person from another dream).. i miss them both now