#mutuals and followers if you would respond but only to share my dismay at this it would be appreciated

[bald-rights]

i am so strong and sexy and a brave little man for not getting in internet fights

[whosscruffylooking]

Bad Bounty Chapter One: Reunion

Sergeant Hunter x Fem! Bounty Hunter

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Maybe mutual pining? Nothing too gross.

A/N: hunter was already attractive in season 7, but i managed to suppress my feelings for an ANIMATED character. alas, the bad batch has cursed me and i have finally accepted that he is my latest comfort character.

“You hold onto friends by keeping your heart a little softer than your head.”

“Clone Force 99. Welcome back, ” Commander Cody extends a hand to Hunter who firmly shakes it.

“Apologies for showing up late, we-”

“Got stuck handling some unexpected complications during a mission. I understand Sergeant Hunter,” Cody winks.

“What have you got for us this time Commander?” Crosshair mumbles, twisting his toothpick around between his teeth.

“This one is going to be a bit different boys. It’s not exactly…sanctioned by the GAR. Let’s call it a favor for an old friend of mine.”

Crosshair straightens up, suspicious of Cody’s statement, “We may bend the rules from time to time, but we don’t do favors.”

“This is an efficient mission that ultimately will aid us in the war, provide you some easy target practice…and helps me relieve an old debt I have to pay.”

“Is there a reason you can’t do this yourself?” Hunter questions.

“We’ve been called into battle. Besides, this separatist encampment is one we have failed to infiltrate time and time again,” Cody responds.

Hunter shifts, struggling to comprehend where this is going, “What does attacking a separatist encampment have to do with repaying a debt?”

“There is a Senator stationed on Drahgor III…a corrupt senator at that. One who has a significant bounty on his head. My dear old friend is a bounty hunter I met on Ord Mantell. Your job will be to take out the clankers and retrieve any data you can from the main database. Meanwhile, my bounty hunter friend will secure the bounty and you’ll go your separate ways.”

“Who is this Bounty Hunter?” Crosshair inquires.

“Glad you asked,” Cody exclaims, “Y/N!”

The clone troopers twirl around to see you approaching them. Your manner is conservative yet confident. One thing you have become an expert at is never striving for attention. Instead, your presence demands it.

You nod at the troopers, “Clone Force 99, it is a pleasure to be working with you.”

Surveying the team, your eyes first fall on Crosshair. His distrusting look reaffirms the defense you raised long before wandering onto the landing platform.

Gotta keep an eye on that one.

Next, you glance over to Wrecker. A massive lug of a man, but he has the noticeable demeanor of a gentle giant. Something about him reminds you of a plush toy you once owned as a child.

Tech catches your attention next. He is clearly the intuitive one. He will either be a pain to deal with, or a beneficial asset.

At last, your eyes meet Hunter’s. Such a tiny gesture of nothingness feels like you’ve just been thrust into a timeless world of something far more significant. You quickly dismiss your gaze, but soon find your eyes wandering back to him. His eyes are already on you.

Tech quickly picks up on your silent interaction and nudges Hunter to break him of his trance. Hunter quickly snaps out of it and clears his throat. He is dumbstruck by his response. His heart beats recklessly.

Taking note of his counterpart’s vitals, Tech is left unsettled by the quickening of Hunter’s heart rate. “Hunter, I need you to focus on your breathing. Your heart rate is abnormally high.”

Setting your sight once more on the rugged clone trooper, you catch the ever-changing hue of his cheek…the one that isn’t covered in dark ink. A hint of red paints his untouched skin.

He clears his throat, “Erm-thank you for alerting me Tech. I’ll be aboard the ship.”

Cody shrugs his shoulders at you, “I guess you’ll brief them on the ship. Have a safe trip.”

“Thank you Cody, ” you clap him on the shoulder and follow the rogue crews lead onto their ship.

++++

𝙿𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝙳𝚊𝚢

“Where are we going to go? We need somewhere we can set up camp that isn’t easily tracked, ” Echo declares.

“There is one place I can think of, but I’m not sure that Hunter will be a fan of the location, ” Tech announces apprehensively.

Hunter lets out a groan and tightens his fist.

Wrecker laughs, “Hunter doesn’t like this idea! Which means I like it even more!”

Glaring at Wrecker, Hunter abruptly stands and stomps off into the cockpit.

“Where is it?” Echo inquires. He leans in, intrigued by the atmosphere that has suddenly befallen the Marauder.

“Let’s just say…we’d have to get help from an old friend.”

“Ha! An old friend!?” Wrecker blurts out, “Try an old fla-”

“That’s enough, ” Hunter commands, having regained his composure, “We will attempt to make contact this evening and if we have no response by the morning, we will seek out other options.”

++++

All night Hunter stayed up, much to the dismay of his crewmates, awaiting an incoming communication. His mind told him that it would never come through; his heart made him believe…or at least hope otherwise.

He stretches his arms into the air, releasing a hardy yawn. Tech enters the cockpit, “Anything?”

“Nothing, ” Hunter responds with a hint of despair clouding his words.

Just then, a muffled echo transmits through the comms unit. Hunter nearly falls out of the captain’s chair as he scrambles to the commlink.

“This is Phoenix 178095 trying to contact Clone Force 99. I repeat, this is Phoenix 1780-“

“Copy Phoenix 178095, this is Clone Force 99,” Hunter announces almost frantically.

The only response is silence…until, “Hunter? Hunter, is that you?”

The rugged clones grasp on the comlink tightens, and he touches it to his forehead. His eyes are locked shut, his breath unsteady.

“Yes. It’s me.”

You hear his guttural voice and suddenly, your memories which you’ve strived to suppress come flooding back, knocking the wind out of you.

Attempting to swallow the lump that insists on crowding your throat, you press down the transmitter button, but fail to express your thoughts.

“What?” A menacing voice echoes out, “Lothcat got your tongue?”

You chuckle, pressing the comlink to your forehead, “well if it isn’t my favorite piston head.” Piston head, a nickname you have used to refer to Crosshair for as long as you can remember. You find it fitting because term is in reference to a droid, similar to the droid-like manner in which Crosshair carries himself.

“So!” Shouts a third, brooding and somewhat childish voice, “Are we bunking with you or what?”

“Yes Wrecker, you are more than welcome to stay here.”

“Thank you, ” Hunter softly says into the comm’s mic. His voice still brings warmth to your soul, although the communicator slightly alters it.

“Get here safely.”

“Always do.”

“I know, ” you affirm and disconnect the commlink.

Looking around at the empty room, which mere seconds ago was filled with the sound of your closest friends’ voices, you feel once again plagued by loneliness.

It has been nearly three years since you last spoke to them. Choosing to once again shove your feelings down deep inside you, rather than let the pain consume you, you prepare for their arrival.

++++

“Maybe one day we will meet again, when all of this is over. Perhaps then we will have the freedom to say all that we have long held in, ” you exhaust yourself in the effort to fight back the words that are bottled up inside of you.

A void and emotionless, expression spans across his face as he finally acknowledges the weight of the moment. A single tear threatens to spill over, and he clenches his fist to fight back the giant hole that is forming in his heart.

“Y/N, ” he utters, “I-”

“Hunter! It’s time for us to go, ” Tech calls out.

++++

Your entire body jerks to a standstill when you hear the hum of their ship landing.

Hunter feels a sudden sickening sensation throughout his body.

“Deep breaths, brother. You don’t want your little reunion to be overruled by sweaty palms and rosy cheeks, ” Crosshair teases.

Hunter groans, “We are here for a short period of time until we can safely get back to Kamino. Until then, this is strictly business as usual.”

“Whatever you say Hunter,” he flicks his toothpick into the garbage receptacle with perfect aim.

The leader of the clone force, known for being courageous, daring, and valiant has abruptly shifted to a timid and uncertain man. But that’s just it. He felt like a man. A feeling only familiar when around you. Every other day of the rotation, he is merely a defective clone—a misfit who despite his enhanced abilities, is thrown into combat, aware of the fact that he is completely dispensable. Because he is merely one of hundreds of thousands of others just like him, he feels like he is just another carbon copy dispersed off of a factory line. Yet, around you, he never felt that way.

He watches out the cockpit window and sees you emerge from your homestead. His heart somersaults.

“Shall we disembark Hunter?” Tech asks.

He nods.

You are so lost in your thoughts that you hardly notice the troopers exiting their ship. It isn’t until Wrecker has scooped you up into his arms that you are jostled back to reality.

“Wreck!” You cry out in excitement as you wrap your arms around him.

Crosshair lends you a wink that you flirtatiously mirror. It’s always fun seeing him fight back a cheeky grin.

Tech is clearly holding back, so you eagerly close the distance between you two and envelope him in your arms. Initially, he hesitates but rapidly works up the bravery to reciprocate.

Chuckling at his hold on you, you tease, “I don’t know who gives the stronger hugs! You, or Wrecker.” He quickly releases you and straightens his glasses.

“Who’s this?” You motion towards the pale, almost sickly-looking clone. In fact, he looks more like a machine than a clone.

“I’m Echo, ” he extends his hand to you. Accepting it, you introduce yourself in return.

Hunter appears from behind the group. Suddenly, you lose the ability to think straight, let alone speak. His eyes meet yours and you share a somber smile. Each taking a step toward each other, you close the distance between you. Unable to resist any longer, you throw your arms around him, drawing him tightly to you.

For a moment, he stands frozen. Hunter has imagined the feeling of taking you into his arms again more than he would like to admit. At last, he pushes his thoughts aside and encircles your waist with his strong embrace.

You can feel his heartbeat slowly accelerate; at least your heart isn’t the only one threatening to beat out of your chest. You seemingly melt into each other. His hands softly tracing circles on your lower back.

Knowing that this moment cannot last as long as you’d both like, you hesitantly pull away from him. His hands grip at your hips as if he is begging you to not stray from his grasp. Your heart yearns to pull him back into your embrace and to stay there with him forever.

Becoming aware of the world around you once again, you feel your face flush into a crimson red.

“Why are they just standing there like that?” Wrecker leans down to whisper to Tech.

“Sometimes, the most important messages do not need to be said with words,” he responds softly.

[auburnaudry]

Fractured Family - Matthew Tkachuk

Chapter 1:

A/N: So this is the first time I have ever written literally anything. If you have any suggestions or feedback just let me know! I kinda want to make this a series, so if you are interested or have any suggestion on where to take this story I’m all ears!

Next Chapter —>

Summary: You and Matthew had a long history, dating for two years, until you guys “mutually” decided to split. It was civil and seemed liked the best option at the time. But shortly after splitting, you found out you were pregnant with Reign and everything in your life, including your relationship with Matt, became more complicated. (Flashbacks are in italics.)

Word count: 3293 words

It was really late at night and you just wanted to get your son to sleep. Him being only 3 months old, it was hard to get a consistent sleep schedule going, especially when you were sharing custody with someone who lives a completely different lifestyle than you.

After spending two nights with his father, your sons usual 10 minute bedtime routine turned into a long, drawn out, difficult ordeal, that you would be trying to correct for the next week. And once he was finally adjusted back to your routine, he was off to stay with his father again to continue the never ending cycle.

You rocked Reign in his chair for almost 40 minutes and finally settled him down enough to lay him back in his crib. You reached over to the changing table and turned the sound machine on, hoping that it would put him to sleep for even just a little while. You needed a break from the loud crying.

Walking over to the dresser sitting by the door, you grab the baby monitor and walked out towards the kitchen.

You mindlessly stared at your phone as you made your way down the hall. Distracted by your new notifications, you hadn’t noticed the handsome young man still sitting at your island waiting for you to return.

“Y/n/n”

“Oh my god, Matthew you scared me” you shouted, dropping your phone as your body jumped slightly from the shock of seeing someone unexpected in your apartment.

“I thought you left already, what are you still doing here” you continued as you picked your phone up off the ground, checking to make sure the screen wasn’t cracked.

You were caught off guard and slightly confused because Matt always left right after dropping your son off. You two had an arrangement that worked, minimal interaction that only revolved around your son. So when Matt was still lingering around your apartment almost and hour after dropping your son off, you couldn’t help but let your mind travel to the worst case scenario.

“Did something happen today with Reign?” You asked before he had a chance to respond to your first question.

You and Matt had a long history, dating for two years, until you guys “mutually” decided to split. It was civil-ish and seemed liked the best option at the time. But shortly after splitting, you found out you were pregnant with Reign and everything in your life, including your relationship with Matt, became more complicated.

“You should have been honest with me from the start then” you screamed at your boyfriend. You had been arguing for what felt like forever with no end in sight.

“I didn’t know what I wanted at the time y/n” he calmly responded “Fuck, I still don’t even know what I want, but I know its not fair to you, to keep going the way we are”. You two had been talking about where you see your relationship going in the future and this was the first time Matthew was really opening up to you.

As much as you begged Matt to express his emotions more over the course of your relationship, this time you wished he had kept them to himself.

“Y/n, you want to take the next step in this relationship and I’m not ready. I don’t know why I’m not ready but you are and I can’t hold you back.” Matthew sounded so sincere that you almost believed this was what you wanted too. “You need someone who is gonna take that step with you” key word was almost.

The past couple of weeks you had been hinting that you wanted to move in with Matt. You loved him and were sure you wanted to start the next chapter of your life with him. You never thought in a million years this would be his reaction but maybe you pushed him too much? Or maybe this was inevitable and he wasn’t looking at you as a long term investment. Whatever the reason, you now regretted even bringing it up.

“Okay, so two years down the drain I guess” you said as you rolled your tear filled eyes. His face fell at your words, he truly did love you and just wanted you to be happy. You were looking for forever and he admitted to not being ready for that kind of commitment. Instead of continuing a relationship that seemed to be at a stand still, the only option at this point was to end it. You weren’t going to sit there and beg him, you had too much pride to do that.

“I’ll just pack my shit and go” you walked past him to his bedroom to collect all the things that no longer belonged in his space. You almost expected him to follow after you, to fight for your relationship, but he didn’t, which hurt your heart even more. So you continued to pack up the things that had migrated from your apartment to his over the two years of being together. Your thoughts were now consumed with figuring out how you were going to move on and find someone to spend the rest of your life with, while he continued to live the bachelor lifestyle he was all so famous for.

Even though you rarely voiced it in your two years of being together, you were madly in love with him and broken hearted that he wasn’t willing to put in the effort to make your relationship work. You left his bedroom and made your way down the hallway, past the living room where Matthew was still sat, and out the front door with your bags in tow. You didn’t bother glancing back at him, out of fear you might do or say something you would regret.

2 weeks later…

You woke up and still hadn’t gotten your period. Your period had never been even a day late since you got it back in the 7th grade, so waking up for a 4th day in a row with no period, was worrisome. You didn’t think there was even a chance you were pregnant since you were on birth control, so you made an appointment with your gyno to ensure everything was okay. You were convinced it was just the stress of your recent breakup that was causing this irregularity in your cycle, but you couldn’t be sure without getting checked out first.

...

You pulled up to your doctors office for your appointment feeling extremely anxious. You just wanted to get it over with so you could stop stressing and go back to feeling sorry for yourself for getting broken up with.

You sat in the waiting room for what felt like an eternity. You scrolled through Instagram and somehow found yourself on Matthew’s page. It was definitely an unhealthy habit you had picked up since splitting. You couldn’t help it though, he was following new ig models everyday and in a sick way, you liked to compare yourself to them. It was a reminder that you weren’t what Matt wanted and Matt couldn’t be what you wanted anymore.

“y/n y/l/n” you looked up from your phone as your name was called “We’re ready for you”

You followed the nurse back to a bathroom located right next door to the exam room you usually got checked out in. The nurse handed you a cup to pee in, as you usually did at these types of appointments, and instructed you to change into a gown in exam room #2 once you finished up in the bathroom.

After you changed into the gown, the nurse came back to collect your sample and left you sitting on the exam table as you scrolled on your phone again, waiting for Dr. Cooper to come in.

“Y/n, congratulation you’re pregnant” Dr. Cooper walked in holding your charts. You had been going to Dr. Cooper since you were 16 and you had built a nice relationship through the years, talking about your personal lives and future plans during appointments. He was aware of your long term relationship with Matthew and by his enthusiastic tone and happy energy, it was clear that he was unaware of your recent breakup. You obviously didn’t expect him to know, the breakup was new and you only see him a couple times out of the year.

You couldn’t even process the news or anything else Dr. C had to say after that. Everything went fuzzy and it felt like you were in some crazy nightmare that you couldn’t wake up from. The only thing you did hear him say was that he expected you to be 8 weeks along from the information you told him and the ultrasound he performed.

You were a traditional person and always imagined you would be married or at least in a committed relationship before getting pregnant, so this entire situation had you in shock.

You were so numb from the news that you continued on throughout your day as normal, unsure of what else to do. But as you pulled into the parking lot of your apartment building, you rushed to get inside so you could finally breakdown and feel everything you had pushed aside for the past few hours.

You were silently praying your roommate wasn’t home when you walked through the door of your shared apartment so you didn’t have to face anyone. To your dismay, she was sitting in the living room calling for you when you walked through the door.

You hadn’t told her that you and Matthew broke up because you were so ashamed that the man you thought you’d spend the rest of you life with , didn’t feel the same way for you. The past 3 weeks you had been pretending Matt was away on a road trip or too busy with hockey to hang out whenever she asked about him. At this point you needed to get this off you chest so you walked right into the living room, sat down next to her, and unloaded the entire story before she even had the chance to say hello. As you spoke, her face turned from confusion to concern.

“Kay idk what to do, I don’t even want to tell him because I don’t need his help, but i feel icky when I think about having his baby and keeping it a secret.” You guys were talking through what you were gonna do about the situation.

Kaylee was the perfect person to ask because she also knew Matthew really well! Kaylee was the one who introduced you to Matt in the first place almost 3 years ago. They continually ran into each other while out at bars and talked so often they eventually became good friends. Being Kaylees best friend, you were later introduced to Matthew at a bar and you guys hit it off right away. You became really close friends and later started dating after a typical drunk love confession.

“And you’re definitely sure it’s Matt’s? Like there’s no chance it’s someone else’s right?”

“Yes of course I haven’t talk to anyone since the breakup, let alone slept with anyone!”

“I just want to make sure cause you didn’t even tell me you guys broke up, I wasn’t sure if I was missing any other important parts of the story” she paused for a second giving you a sympathetic look. The father was indisputable since you had only been with one man in the last two years.

“he’s a good guy y/n/n, I think he will be really understanding and a good father, it’s important you tell him, him and his family would want to know” She was right, she always is.

Before your talk with Kaylee, you fully prepared yourself to raise the baby on your own and expected nothing from Matthew. But when you thought about his family, a family that you had become a part of in the two years you were together, you couldn’t help but think of how disappointed they would be if they ever found out that you kept a part of them a secret. You had become extremely close with Brady and Taryn and their parents treated you like one of their own. They loved you and would unconditionally love your child, it wasn’t fair to them and more importantly, it wasn’t fair to your baby to keep them apart.

...

After a week of thoroughly thinking through all your options, you finally took Kaylees advice and reached out to Matt. You almost hoped he wouldn’t see your message or he would see it and just ignore it since you two hadn’t communicated since the breakup.

Y/n:

Hey Matty, it’s y/n, I’m not sure if you have free time in the near future but I kinda need to talk to you!

To your surprised he responded within minutes of your text.

Matty:

I’m happy you reached out, lets meet up! Can you do lunch tomorrow? Our usual lunch spot?

This all seemed too familiar, why was he texting you like you had never broken up and why did he respond at all? He could have easily said he was busy or trying to move on and didn’t want to talk, but he didn’t.

Y/n:

I was actually thinking we could do takeout or something and eat at my apartment?

You figure a private setting would be better for the news you were about to spring on him since you weren’t sure of the reaction you were going to get.

Matty:

Anything works babe

He had practice the next morning and a free afternoon so it was the perfect opportunity to tell him, giving him time to process since he had nothing going on for the rest of the day.

Matthew walked up to your apartment door the next day giving it his signature knock. You slowly walked to the door, opening it to find him standing there, carrying the to-go bags, filled with your favorite meal and wearing his perfect smile that almost made you forget why you called him over in the first place.

As you went to greet him, you caught a slight whiff of the food and the nausea that washed over you was so sudden and instantaneous, you almost didn’t make it to the bathroom.

On your run to the bathroom, you heard Matt’s footsteps following closely behind, but luckily you had enough time to lock the bathroom door before emptying the contents of you stomach in the toilet.

Matthew sat outside the bathroom knocking lightly “y/n are you okay” he waited patiently for your response.

When you felt the wave of nausea had completely passed, you stood up, flushing the toilet and making your way to the sink to rid your mouth of the taste that plagued it.

As you opened the door to the bathroom you were met with Matt’s concern filled face. If throughout your lunch date you wanted to change your mind about telling him, that option was completely off the table now. You had no choice but to explain what was going on and you just wanted to get it over with.

Matthew stood there staring, waiting for a response. “I’m pregnant” was all you could come up with.

He stared at you in complete disbelief but then realization washed over his face. “Who’s the father” was all he could manage, as if you would invite him over to tell him you were pregnant with someone else’s kid.

You wanted to roll your eye but they were so full of tears, you were scared that if you moved them, the tears would start running and you would fall apart in front of him.

“Yours” you whispered with a cold tone trying your best to keep your emotions at bay.

Matthew had alway wanted to be a dad and was great with his teammates kids, so you weren’t entirely surprised when he told you he wanted to be a part of your kids life.

You two spent countless hours and had countless lunch dates over the course of your pregnancy, talking about how you were going to co-parent and make everything work. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t secretly wish that you and Matt would end up back together, raising the family you always dream of having, but it seemed that ship had sailed for Matthew. His only concern was making sure his kid lived a happy and healthy life.

You were now waiting for a response from your ex on why he was still sitting in your kitchen so late at night.

“No no, Reign is fine everything is fine, I just need to talk to you about something” he said, not making eye contact with you. You were even more nervous now because you had no guess as to what he could possibly want to talk about.

“I’m talking to this girl” your entire world stopped spinning and your ears started to ring a little. You still weren’t use to Matthew talking to other women, you probably wouldn’t be for a long time, and now he wanted to talk to you about one of his hoes?

“Ummm okay” you said, unsure how you were even suppose to respond. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Things between us are getting a little more serious” you could literally feel you heart aching in your chest, but you continued to act unfazed by Matt’s admission. “I was just wondering what the appropriate time would be to introduce her to Reign”

You were almost stunned that he was even asking you such a stupid question. If it were up to you, Reign was never going to meet some trashy whore his father would bang every once in a while. Your son was only 3 months old, so to think that introducing him to a random, clout chaser was even an option for Matthew, made you extremely angry. Or maybe you were just jealous he had been seeing someone and it had gotten so serious that he was willing to introduce her to his newborn son.

You can’t even describe the feeling of the love of your life breaking up with you because ‘he wasn’t ready for commitment’, and then not even a year later he is in a serious relationship again but with someone else. You couldn’t help but think everything Matthew had told you was a lie, that he wasn’t afraid of committing, he was just afraid of committing to you.

“Y/n/n, did you hear my question?”

“Obviously” you spat “I just have to think, I wasn’t exactly prepared for this kind of question tonight or honestly at any point in the near future so I need time to think about it” you were bitter but you tried your hardest to not make it seem that way as you spoke.

“Take all the time you need, no rush, we’re obviously new to this whole parenting and co-parenting thing so we don’t have all the answers yet, but I don’t want to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.” He finally made eye contact with you for the first time all night. You forgot how pretty his eyes were.

“Thanks for checking in with me, ill let you know when I figure it out” and with that he got up and made his way out of your apartment.

“Goodnight y/n” he said as he opened the front door and pulled his car keys out of his pocket.

“Night” you responded as you close the door behind him. Just as the door closed, Reign’s screams came over the baby monitor, distracting you before you had too much time to think about how alone you actually were.

[erwin-beloved]

🌼Gunpowder & Chamomile🌼

Levi x GNReader 

Fluff :)

Wordcount: 2.2K

"But most of all he savored the scent of gunpowder that faded away as he moved to taste the sweet chamomile on your breath." 

The splinters of the rough wood pulled at your shirt as you carried the heavy boxes from the storage room to the carts. The final box was the biggest as it carried the flare guns. You were slow getting to the cart as you peeked over the box careful not to step on any uneven stones. Also, it was pretty heavy. 

The box was suddenly lifted from your hands and your eyes met green ones. At first, they held a gentle look but it soon hardened when the eyes scanned the area around you.

“What are you doing loading the supply cart all by yourself.”

“I’m just finishing up, I sent my squad to dinner early.”

Mike carried the heavy box with ease and set it on the cart gently. When he pushed it in its place alongside the others, you placed the board back and secured everything. He stood by you as you finished.

“Thanks by the way. The last thing I need is to choke on smoke from a misfired flare.”

He gave a small laugh and accompanied you as you walked to the dining hall.

“Not a problem, I didn’t want you late to the table, you know how Levi is about timeliness.”

You felt a small pit in your stomach. All of the prominent leaders in the regiment were always busy, but the time etched out for everyone, no matter the rank. Was evening dinner. 

Being the squad leader for one of the supply teams, you were often a few minutes late from double and even triple-checking your cart to be thorough, much to your squad members’ dismay. And it was even more irritating to Levi since you were a part of the table he sat at for dinner. 

But you would always forget how upset he would get since you always felt like there was no real bite in his words towards you. His eyes would give away a bit too much when he spoke, so you knew he could never stay upset with you. And you may or may not have taken advantage of that.

The smell of the dining hall grew stronger as you both approached the doorway but Levi happened to turn the corner and blocked your path. 

“There you two are.” 

“Hey-”

He looked at you and pointed to the nearby door outside.

“Go brush yourself off before you eat.”

You felt your spirit fizzle a bit from the blunt statement but you knew he wasn't exactly known for being nice. You looked down and saw all of the wood chips and dust on your shirt. 

“o-oh, yeah”

Mike put his hand on your shoulder and squeezed lightly while giving you a reassuring nod.

“I’ll get your plate for you.”

You smiled and went outside while Mike joined Levi inside the hall. By the time you arrived at the table, most everyone had settled in.

Hange waved to you excitedly and pointed to the seat across the table which was for you. Hange was flailing around and Levi stood nearby, with a growing expression of irritation at the hands in front of his face. He set down your plate of food along with an empty teacup. He then walked around the table to take his seat once more. It seemed as if Levi decided to make tea for the table today. 

When you took your seat next to Mike, you gave him a questioning look while glancing at Levi to ask silently why he got your plate, but Mike just shrugged and continued to eat. With a vague answer, you peeked around him and greeted Erwin and Moblit who were at the end of the table. They only smiled and waved back as they both had their mouths full. 

Before you could say anything Hange started to grab your attention again.

“Leeevi ~, decided to make us your favorite tea tonight!”

Your eyes watched the teapot in front of you as Levi had stood up and was silently pouring the tea into your cup. A surprised look overtook your face and you glanced up at Levi who was glaring at Hange

“Oh really? You found some chamomile flowers?”

He huffed as he sat back down, gently poking a potato slice and then bringing it up to his lips. He avoided eye contact.

“Hange asked me to make it.”

You looked over at Hange who gave you a serious look while shaking their head in disagreement, mouthing ‘he found them and picked them’. But the expression turned to pain as they winced from a mysterious kick to the shin which was obviously from Levi. 

Erwin had been quiet but he let a small smile perk up at his lips as he looked over at you. 

“It’s a pleasant surprise to have chamomile tea, and I’m glad someone was thoughtful enough to make it for you and share it with us Y/n.” 

Your eyes met Erwin’s, who was staring directly at you but there was a mischievous spark in his eyes. He suddenly winked and then glanced towards the dark-haired man that sat next to him, who was sipping tea in an effort to act as if he weren't listening. A sly smile flashed across your face before you turned to Hange with an innocent smile.

“Well, thank you for remembering Hange, it’s very sweet of you. I didn't think anyone would remember something small like my favorite tea.”

Hange gave you a curious look but then caught on.

“Hah! You’re welcome! Anything for you beloved.”

You saw Levi’s jaw clench as he let out a very small cough but he hid his face in his cup.

Erwin smiled into his bite of food and went to talking with Mike and Moblit once more as if he hadn’t just instigated. 

Levi stiffly set his cup down but his expression relaxed once he saw you watching him.

“Would you pour me a little more Levi?”

~

Everyone seemed to be in a good mood so there were frequent laughs and smiles shared. Even Erwin and Levi gave out some smiles and laughs which were rare. They were all optimistic for the next day.

When most everyone had finished their plates Erwin was the first to dismiss himself waving to everyone goodnight, stating he still needed to get some last-minute paperwork done. Hange and Moblit followed as they went to finish what last bit of research they could for the day, leaving Mike, Levi, and you. It was a brief chat between you three in expectancy for the newbie’s training exercise the next day, but Mike soon moved to leave as well.

“Y/n you are headed to the showers soon right.”

You felt yourself deflate a bit as you laughed nervously.

“Gee, thanks for indirectly telling me I smell Mike.”

He laughed and nudged you with his elbow as he carried his plate.

“You just smell like gunpowder is all I’m saying, I don’t think it's good to sleep like that.”

“Yeah yeah, you just like to make fun of me. See you tomorrow morning.” You lazily waved your hand toward him as he walked off so you turned to gather your plates as well. Levi stood with you collecting the teaware. 

After placing your cup on your empty plate you stuck out your hand for him to place the extra teacup that he couldn't carry. You silently walked together to the dish room and washed the tea set side by side in comfortable silence. He lingered next to you for a moment as he reached for a teacup, noticing your scent.

It was a strong smell of gunpowder but he could still catch the normal soft scent you always had of lavender and oak, and now chamomile from the tea. 

“You really do smell like gunpowder.”

“Not you toooooo. I'm in the armory all day! What else do you guys expect?”

He let out a light chuckle and took the last teacup that you had finished washing to dry it. 

“You're doing grunt work when you’re supposed to be the squad leader giving out instructions.”

The teacups clinked as he stacked the final cup with the now clean set and handed you the towel to dry your hands. You couldn't say much as he was pretty much calling you out so he spoke again.

“I get it, but you should rely on your squad more so they can rely on you, it's a mutual relationship.” 

“Since when did you become an expert on relationships Mr. Antisocial?”

He gave you a brief glare and held the teacups before nodding to the teapot for you to carry, you followed him out of the kitchen and down the hallway.

“Since I started shitting bricks. Listen, take my advice as you will, but trust is a big part of being a leader.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll make sure to keep your words in mind.” 

The hallway was empty except for the two of you and you thoughtfully took in his words, planning to start implementing his advice tomorrow. You hadn’t noticed how closely Levi walked next to you until you felt his elbow brush against yours, and upon your observation, the contact was immediately followed by him distancing himself once more. It fell away from your mind as he unlocked his office door, letting you in as he followed.

The room was dark but you immediately stepped over to the large cabinet as you knew where to put the teaware. The glass door gently clicked open and you set the teapot inside before turning around to find Levi right behind you who was closer than you expected. You couldn't see much but his silhouette in the dark lighting.

A gasp came out of you and you grabbed your collar as you walked around him. 

“Jeez, don’t scare me like that.”

“Sorry.”

He responded plainly and began to fiddle with the placement of everything in the cabinet while you looked around the dark office for a candle. When you finally lit up the room something immediately caught your eye. A small basket sat on a small end table behind his office chair and as you got closer you realized that the basket held a few bundles of dried chamomile. 

“You found quite a bit huh.”

He closed the cabinet door with a soft click as he turned to look at you. He let out an uninterested hum and then went for the exit. But you stopped him.

“Wait, Levi.”

When he stopped at the door he kept his back to you but he turned his head to listen.

“Thank you.”

He turned around and gave you his look of confusion which was just his brow furrowing for a moment.

“What for?”

“Just for everything. I don’t think I’ve said it enough to you.”

You walked up closer to him and put your free hand on his shoulder. He looked at you cautiously so you spoke softly. Although, there was a hint of amusement in your tone.

“And thank you for thinking of me, and making me my favorite tea.”

Following your statement, you smiled at him while raising your hand to gently place your thumb on his chin so he wouldn't turn too quickly. 

He could feel the warmth of the candle in your hand get closer to his chest as you placed a soft kiss on his cheek. There were so many sensations that swirled around him when he felt your touch. The comforting yellow flame, the feeling of your lips on him, and your soft exhale that felt like electricity on his skin as you began to move away. 

But most of all he savored the scent of gunpowder that faded away as he moved to taste the sweet chamomile on your breath. 

The sudden advancement from him caught you off guard but he was still gentle. There was no brashness to how he touched you. The desk was suddenly pressing into your back and you paused for a moment, so he stopped and watched your expression carefully. His dark lashes shadowed his eyes as he lifted his eyes to meet your gaze. You only looked back at him, unable to think of what to do next.

Before the moment finished he took the candle from you and set it to the side.

“Well”

He pressed himself closer to you, brushing your hair away from your face while he briefly observed the charming details of your face. When his grey eyes met yours there was a soft glimmer to them and his voice was deep and tender.

“It’s your turn.”

There was another brief pause as you took in all of these new expressions that were being shown on his face. Before you realized it you had reached up to touch his soft, dark locks that had fallen forward. And he began to smile, but it was his response to the smile that was already on your face. 

You brushed the edge of his lips with your thumb in endearance before bringing your lips to his. He had felt a blush spread across his face because of what you said before you kissed him once more. The words echoing in his mind.

“You're so handsome when you smile.”

[dracosaurusrex]

Palace

Summary: In which you discover a new love in the midst of your heartbreak.

Prompt:  “with you, I thought I knew love. but maybe I still don’t” A/N: Hi y’all! So this is my take on the @minty-malfoy ‘s 300 writing challenge :) (Congratulations my friend! You’re amazing!) I have to admit, writing angst is not my strong suit, and I had to do some research to grasp what it was. Within my findings, something that caught my attention in particular was the fact that angst is defined as going through the character’s emotional workings, topped with a newfound sense of strength. There might be some holes present, but overall this piece is molded on that understanding, and I hope it reaches out to you in whatever way that resonates the most.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Throughout her years at Hogwarts, Y/N had been able to pick up a number of skills. She may not have been as good at studying as Hermione Granger, or as athletic as Ginny Weasely, or even as creative as Luna Lovegood--no. You were an average girl who didn’t have much to show for except your ability to hide behind a thick mask.

You were typically known for your kindness, which was complimented by a pair of sparkling e/c eyes, a warm smile, and a nurturing personality. Additionally, you were graced with a good sense of humor and an infectious laugh. To all of your friends, you were the embodiment of the sun; a girl whose being was commonly associated with terms such as, “beautiful”, “genuine”, and “loving”. A girl who never seemed to show any indication of internal conflict, who had everything under control.

These perceptions always came in handy, for they molded into the shape of a mask when times became rough for you. Because of this, you were capable of fooling everyone into thinking that you were okay.

You felt your consciousness resurfacing from sleep as the morning lulled your body awake. Your eyes fluttered open to the ceiling with your fingers interlaced over your chest. Meanwhile, rays of early light infiltrated random crevices of the dorm, and birds were singing rather loudly outside of your window. Allowing yourself to lay in the stillness, you treasured the moment, took deep breaths, and basked in what felt like peace.

Your surroundings were blissful--and you were grateful--but waking up now equated to reuniting with the recurring tightness that gripped your heart. Memories of a love that had once initiated butterflies had transformed into needles that prickled your chest. A love that once caressed you now felt like a ghostly presence. 

‘Where did it all go wrong?’ You found asking yourself as of late. As you laid in bed, you allowed old scenes of your time with Draco Malfoy to play in your head, recalling the feelings attached to each.

You remembered the rush of adrenaline that you felt the first time you had confessed. You remembered the relief combined with excitement when the feelings were confirmed to be mutual.

You remembered the feeling of your heart skipping when his fingers first slipped into yours, hands intertwined like a glove.

You remembered the temporary sense of confidence that overcame when you initiated the first kiss and the shock that appeared on both your faces after realizing what you did. 

The first “I love you”.

You remembered your first time with him--the sweet whispers, the moans, the laughing, the feeling of pleasure as you came onto one another. You remembered the way his fingers stroked your hair as you laid on top of him with his free arm wrapped around your waist.

You recalled memories of exchanges of comforting words during moments where either one of you felt doubt or unease. 

You remembered the inside jokes you made, the goofy side of him that he only showed to you.

You remembered the plans you both have made, the exhilarating thought of sharing a future with him. The way he gripped your hands and looked into your eyes as he made promises that ended up being broken. 

You remembered the thrill of it all--the palace you had built with him, and how you’ve done so fearlessly until it came crashing down. 

You recalled all the love you had ever given him, all of yourself you had devoted to him, all the dreams, the hopes, the what-could’ve-beens in the moment the words fell out of his lips:

“With you, I thought I knew love. But maybe I still don’t.” Draco uttered in a bare whisper. 

He kept his hands clasped on his lap as he avoided looking at you. You had found yourselves sitting on the edge of his bed with the moonlight illuminating his dorm.

Just a couple weeks ago you were in his arms, sharing kisses without any thought that this would happen--you were on top of the world--but when it did, you felt knots forming over your chest and your stomach. A sob had dared to come up, but you gulped it back down into your throat. Your mind was racing and your eyes were tearing, but you wouldn’t allow your tears to fall. You couldn’t. 

Instead, you grabbed both sides of his face and smiled weakly. 

“Draco, I’ll always love you. I’ll always care for you…” Your lips started to tremble as you looked straight into Draco’s eyes. They were filled with so much guilt.

Breathing in and out slowly, you continued, “I just hope the next girl will be able to make you even happier and take care of you much better than I did.” 

Your lips were pursed into a tight line as you tried to give a convincing smile of reassurance. Your throat started to sting because of the resistance you made towards crying. In doing so, a tear had found a way to roll down your cheek. He grabbed your wrists as you continued to hold his face, his eyes glazed over with regret. His lips trembled as he witnessed your efforts to be strong. 

“Y/N, I’m so sorry! I never wanted to hurt you at all! I-” You hushed his frantic whispers.

“Don’t worry about me, my love. I promise you everything will be okay.” It was at this point that Draco let out the gasp of despair he held in. He proceeded to reach out to wipe your tears. You closed your eyes and allowed them to fall at this point, leaning into his touch for the very last time. Once you opened them, you did the same and wiped the tears that had stained his porcelain skin. Draco sat there stunned at how much you were holding in.

You whispered, “We’ll be okay. Okay?” He could only nod. You remembered the last time you leaned forward to kiss his lips. To your dismay, he didn’t respond. As you drew yourself away from him, you stood up straight and attempted in giving one of your signature smiles.

“I guess I’ll see you around Malfoy.” 

You recall feeling dead upon arriving at your dorm. Your eyes were puffy, and you thought you finished crying, but as you tucked yourself to bed, the tears you had kept began to fall.

You broke away from the memory as you silently wiped the tears that had formed in your eyes. It has been about a month since your break up. You hadn’t talked to the boy since then. Instead, you made it a priority to reconstruct your life. Your friends would constantly try to comfort you by saying things like, “Go show him what he lost” or “He doesn’t deserve you, Y/N!” You appreciated their efforts, but Merlin knows that it’ll take a while for you to heal. You couldn’t bring it upon yourself to be angry at him. While the moment left a bitter taste in your mouth, you knew deep inside that the love you shared for one another was never a waste of time. 

With a huff, you jolted from your bed, grabbed your uniform, and dragged your legs to the bathroom to get ready for the new school day. The way you handled yourself now was done more carefully than how you used to. Every motion--buttoning your shirt, tucking it into your skirt, tying your tie, and throwing your jumper over your body--was done with more caution. You brushed your hair straight, running your fingers through any tangles, and clamped it into a simple half-do. As you stared into the mirror, you took notice of your appearance. The red tint that lined the edges of your eyes as a result of the tears you shed earlier. You notice the bags that have formed, the slight peeling of your lips. You began to fix your face by applying a light amount of foundation and mascara, followed by a thin layer of tinted chapstick. Slowly, the indications of your sadness dissipated as you put on your makeup. You weren’t really the type to praise yourself, but as you stared at yourself in the mirror once more, you had to admit that you felt a bit pretty. ‘It’s a step forward. Here’s to another day’ You smiled slightly at your reflection, and made your way to the Great Hall.

So far, you managed to show what you considered to be your normal self to your friends whenever they were in your presence. Not wanting them to worry, you did your best to seem energized every time you were joined in their conversations, inserting laughs, and adding on to the fun when needed. You felt obligated to show everyone, including Draco, that you were okay. It’s been like that ever since things ended. The entire student body was aware of the fall. Both you and the boy looked very off the day after it happened. However, slowly but surely, you had reverted back to your sunny self, surprising many of those around you. Only you knew that it was a facade though, and that deep down inside, you still pined for the ghost of your relationship. 

Your thoughts often drifted to him. He was sat in the Slytherin table with his usual group of friends. As you took small glances at him, you wondered what went on in his mind, how he felt about you, and whether or not he misses what you had shared with him. You wondered if he took notice of the energy you conveyed, if he noticed the smile that was plastered on your face now that you weren’t together. Was he convinced with your little charade? 

You broke your gaze from him the moment he turned his focus to your direction. Not wanting to get caught, you chimed into their conversation once more, a convincing smile of enjoyment on your lips.  Once you felt that enough time had passed, you discretely glance at him again, only to have your eyes meet ever so slightly. The time for your classes to start was drawing near. Wanting to be alone in your own thoughts, you left them to walk around.

The hallways you roamed in taunted you as you began to recall, once again, figures of your memories. A warm feeling rose in your chest as you relished the small moments of laughter, playful kisses, and the heart-racing sensation of the back hugs he gave. It was ironic, but reminiscing helped you cope. Perhaps it was the thought of another chance. At the same time, however, you couldn’t deny that it might’ve been the result of the fear of moving on. You sighed, allowing your mind to push away the harshness of the latter. ‘Today will be a good day. I’ll make sure of it.’ With the feeling of encouragement overcoming you once again, you set off to your first class with a new sense of optimism. You weren’t sure about how long the feeling would last, but now that you had it, there was no point in taking it for granted. After all, as long as you were alive, the Earth would still continue to turn, and your commitment to reconstructing your life blazed on. 

The fluctuation between sadness and inspiration was a common occurrence in this point of your life. There were nights that felt completely agonizing, but there were also moments where you felt as though you were slowly falling in love with your life and the potential that it holds. It was then that you felt such enlightenment had brought you raw joy and peace. No masks or facades. No fake smiles. These were found in very minuscule fragments throughout the day. It took the form of the sense of concentration that you had when you studied, the feeling of achievement when you understood a difficult concept. It also embodied the scent of rain when it pours, the cold air that accompanies the sunrise, the sight of bookshelves in the library, the blissful feeling of getting lost in muggle literature. Joy was found in the sounds of the crackling fire, a satisfied belly after a good dinner, as well as the company of friends who have seen you at your worst. You were enchanted by the thought of filling your life with these wholesome moments--to take control and be the artist as you paint such details into your canvas. Sometimes such joy became so overwhelming that the heartache you felt seemed nonexistent.

‘How nice would it be to share it with you, though.’ You thought of him.

And perhaps you would be able to one day; but for now, within the sadness you were beginning to embrace this new love. A love that surpassed the borders of romantic affections.

Draco’s words would ring in your mind whenever you thought of this. You would create scenarios in your head, formulating what you would’ve said to him that night with all the newfound wisdom you had now.

“I thought I knew what love was when I was with you also. However, I can now see the pieces of my true love. How it surrounds me whether you’re by my side or not.” You said to yourself, wrapping yourself in hope as you amount to build your own palace once again.

A/N: I might make a second part to this to show Draco’s view on Y/N’s growth, but we’ll see hehe! I hope that moments of peace and bits of joy make their way to you no matter how hard life may become. You’re all deserving of love <3 Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you have a great day!

[lost-in-sokovia]

Five to Seven Minutes

hello loves! i wanted to write this lil steve rogers fic based off one of my FAVORITE episodes of “The Office” season 6 episode 17, “Special Delivery Part 1”! basically in the episode pam is going to go into labor and jim is trying to get her to go to the hospital but she keeps putting it off and it turns out that she’s actually scared to give birth🥺. i was getting vibes that i feel like that’ll be me with my husband when i’m older so i wanted to write this.😂 so “The Office” fans, please enjoy!!🤍

Warnings: pain/contractions, stress, but mostly fluff and comedy :)

“It’s not every night we all sit together... at a huge table like this...” Tony commented in annoyance.

He was right. For once in a really long time, all the members of the Avengers (and their kids and wives, to Tony’s dismay) were all together at one table. It wasn’t like the first time you were all together, no. You’ve been at parties with each other and mutually hung out together, but this was like an arranged gathering.

It was nice, having everyone together. All the kids sat on one end while the adults sat on the other, a few parents occasionally checking on the kids to make sure everything was going well. You couldn’t help but stare lovingly at the kids knowing that soon you’d have one over there as well.

You rubbed your nine month baby bump. Your baby was ready to pop any day now. (Steve was ecstatic he was going to have a baby. He was so ready to give the baby a good life with a good father by it’s side.)

“Shut up Tony, this is so nice.” You smiled. Everyone was just about finished eating and just relaxing and chatting. Steve grinned at you and put his hand on top of yours, giving it a small squeeze.

“Have you gotten any baby names yet?” Laura asked across from you. You shrugged.

“I mean, we have one in mind...”

“Yeah but Cap’s the kind of guy to want to give his kid a real 40’s name like Paul, or something way too over done like James,” Tony chimed in, earning a salty “hey!” from Bucky. Steve shook his head.

“You’d be surprised how accustomed to change I am in life by now,” he remarked as he folded his napkin.

“Plus, what if it’s a girl?” You inquired. The two of you had decided to do it the old fashioned way and wait until the baby was born to find out it’s gender. Pepper smiled at you right as Morgan ran up to peek at you over your big bump.

“Hi little miss!” You said happily as Morgan smiled from ear to ear. She reached her hands over your bump and rubbed it from over the soft material of your comfy floral dress.

“Aunt (Y/N) when will the baby be here?” She asked with a sparkle in her wide brown eyes. You sighed gently and stroked her dark hair.

“Any day now love,” you responded. She kissed your bump quickly before running back off to join her friends.

“(Y/N), we’re not having any more kids so it’s your job to keep Morgan entertained with more babies,” Tony joked. You laughed and adjusted your dress.

You guessed having that job wouldn’t be the worst, right?

~•~•~•~•~

Later that night you layed in bed with loose pajamas on. Steve turned off the bathroom light as he finished brushing his teeth and joined you under the covers.

You pulled your hair away as you gripped the sheets and gasped. Steve looked at you and gently grabbed one of your hands.

“Are you alright doll?” He asked. You nodded and inhaled. You scrunched over slightly and let out a few groans.

“Ahhhhhhh okay,” you exhaled in pain. Steve’s blue eyes studied you in concern.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Is it time?” He suggested. You shook your head as your breathing steadied again.

“No it’s fine Steve. I’m fine, it’s really okay.” You shut your heavy eyelids and sighed once more. He looked at you with uncertainty before adjusting himself on his back. You were out like a light before anything else could happen.

Steve felt his child kick from your belly pressed against his side. Steve grinned before allowing himself to fall into dreamland.

~•~•~•~•~

The next day you found yourself in the same position.

You played off your contractions like they were no big deal. Steve wasn’t going to argue with you, it wasn’t like he had any better experience with babies. And since neither of you liked hospitals, you agreed you weren’t going to put yourself in there any earlier than you had to.

That afternoon you sat on the couch of the living area with Peter. The two of you had been progressively watching 80’s movies together and snacking on all your cravings. Peter wasn’t going to pass up an opportunity to eat good food and watch classic movies. You both shared almost a childlike bond that allowed you the two of you to share a relationship that he didn’t even have with Tony.

“Alright Peter, what’s next on the list?” You asked as the credits from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” rolled on the screen.

“Well next is The Outsiders’ and then finally ‘Footloose,’” he grinned. You clapped your hands excitedly.

“Awesome, well-“ you cut off as a contraction pierced through your stomach. You hunched over and grabbed your stomach, letting out a few breaths.

“Ah, getting there?” Natasha asked as she passed by. You shook your head and waved your hand.

“No, I’ve got plenty of time,” you reassured to a nervous Peter. He looked at you nervously before starting up your next movie. It was fine, you weren’t worried. You had a little bit more time, right?

Later that day the team was getting ready for an Avengers meeting. You stood around with the team and chatted casually before you all started. Steve came over and slid an arm around your waist.

“Hey babe, doing okay?” He asked. You nodded warmly before you squinted your eyes and bit your lip, suddenly grasping one of his hands.

“Agh, okay,” he choked out as you rode out the contraction. “Hey how about we just head to the hospital and check everything out, okay?” Steve suggested. You smiled and looked back in your husband’s eyes.

“No, I’m fine. We’re okay. Not earlier than we have to be, remember?” You reminded. Steve chuckled uncomfortably and nodded. Tony suddenly made his way over and glanced at your stomach.

“Almost time?” He asked. Steve shot him a nervous nod while you shook your head in disagreeance.

“No, we’re waiting,” you explained with a small bite. Steve tried to argue back but Tony clapped his hands.

“Come on Cap, obviously she wants to wait. I say we all help distract her,” Tony said loudly. Everyone looked over. Steve’s eyes narrowed and he grimaced. He knew Tony would take any opportunity to push his buttons and tick him off. You nodded around at everyone and smiled at Tony in relief.

“Yeah, sounds good,” you exhaled as you slowly made your way to a chair. Steve followed behind quickly and reluctantly helped you sit down as Tony announced the new agenda to the team.

As you and and Steve sat next to each other hand in hand, you quietly rode through another contraction. Steve stared at the watch on his wrist and his face lit up.

“Seven minutes, that’s contractions seven minutes apart (Y/N)!” He whispered excitedly. You smiled at him warmly but shook your head.

“Come on Stevie not sooner than we have to, remember?” You pointed out. He frowned.

“But (Y/N)-“

“Alright (Y/N),” Tony clapped. “We’re here to help.” You smiled as Steve glared at everyone behind him. His eyes scanned the room and he saw Sam and Bucky trying to hide discreetly in the background, to which he gave them an even dirtier look. “Anyone got anything interesting or spectacular? This is the only time we will ever be doing a talent show so take advantage now,” Tony reminded. Scott’s hand raised slowly.

“I can be tiny,” he said. Tony gestured for him to come up and demonstrate. Your eyes were glued to the front of the room as Steve looked at you and sighed anxiously.

You watched Scott change size, you watched Thor chug beer, you watched Clint shoot an arrow directly through anything he targeted, you even watched a mjolnir lifting contest. You still sat and rode out plenty of contractions.

“(Y/N) come on, every seven minutes is the start,” Steve pleaded. You shook your head and he stood up. “Nope, nope, come on. We’re going to the hospital,” he said sternly as he reached out his hand for you to take.

“No Steve really I’m fine,” you argued. His blue eyes raged as he looked around.

“You know what, fine. By the way, hate that you’re all helping her,” he growled before walking out. You shrugged as he walked out. All he was trying to do was take you to the hospital. You didn’t need him.

Sam and Bucky ran out after Steve who was pacing in the hallway.

“I know (Y/N) better than anyone else on the team,” Steve muttered to his friends. Steve pulled out his phone and Googled contractions.

“Five to seven minutes.” One website. “Five to seven minutes.” Another website. “Six minutes. Different, but not really.” Again. “Five to seven minutes.” He read off. He scoffed in amusement before looking up at the ceiling anxiously.

Back in the conference room, you were having some difficulties.

Nat had taken Steve’s place next to you and held your hand tightly as you breathed heavily.

“I think we should listen to Steve, (Y/N),” she said softly. You groaned out a “no!” before inhaling sharply and looking around.

“No, okay... Hey where’s Peter? Is it time for ‘Footloose?’” You asked. Peter stood up slowly in the back and walked up unsurely to you.

“Uh, y-yeah...” He said unsurely. He looked back at Tony for approval who nodded at him. Nat helped you up and Peter linked arms with you, walking you slowly out of the room.

When the two of you passed Steve and the boys you simply lifted your chin and kept your eyes straight forward, not even acknowledging him (while Peter looked down nervously, he didn’t exactly always enjoy trying to upset Captain America). Sam broke away and came up to your other side and linked arms and continued to walk with you.

“Sam, I’m fine. I get to the hospital when I get to the hospital...” You reassured calmly. Sam stared at you. “And if I don’t make it, I don’t make it,” you added. Sam shot a glance of confusion and concern at Peter who shrugged. And with that, Sam let go and let you walk calmly onward.

As you and Peter walked down the hallway, your eyes widened as you felt a gush of water down your leg. You halted to a stop luckily right in front of your room.

“Hey Peter, I’m just gonna change really quickly,” you said happily. Peter nodded as you waddled into your room and shut the door. You took a few deep breaths before walking over to Steve’s drawers and pulling out sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Steve jogged down to meet Peter who stood awkwardly outside the door.

“She’s in there,” he said meekly. Steve nodded in thanks before quickly slipping in the door. He found you slipping on his shirt with the sweatpants already on. He smiled at you.

“Hey,” he said happily. You looked over and smiled.

“Hey babe.” You walked over and hugged him over your large bump. He smiled at you as you looked up at him. “Look, Steve. Everything is okay, I promise.” You reassured. He opened his mouth to say something and nodded slowly. “He’s not coming out for a while, okay?” You laughed. Steve’s eyes widened and he raised an eyebrow.

“Did you say ‘he’?”

Your face went blank with fear. “I had Bruce tell me about a week ago, I couldn’t wait.” You replied in a nervous whisper. Steve stared at you with wide blue eyes. You bit your lip. “Please don’t be mad,” you pleaded quietly. He looked at you with teary eyes.

“How could I be mad? We’re having a son...” He whispered as tears brimmed his eyes. You smiled and nodded happily. “We’re having a son!” He repeated a little louder as you laughed joyfully. He hugged you again before you gently pulled away.

“Wow, I feel better,” Steve remarked. You smiled and gave one of his hands a squeeze.

“Good. Now I’m gonna go downstairs and watch ‘Footloose’ with Peter,” you said before slowly making your way to the door. Steve remembered something and turned around to watch you.

“Oh hey, why are you wearing my clothes now?” He asked curiously. You turned around and smiled, rubbing your bump.

“Oh! My water broke,” you explained with a light giggle.

“Oh!” Steve replied as you shrugged and walked back out. He suddenly went pale. “Oh, oh...”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Peter asked. Your lips were sucked in from pain as you nodded. Peter exhaled shakily and shrugged, turning on the movie.

It was only five minutes into the movie when you let out a loud yell, startling poor Peter. You grasped your stomach and grit your teeth. Steve and Tony both heard you and ran in, kneeling in front of you.

“Alright (Y/N), I think it’s time to go to the hospital now,” Steve tried to urge happily. You waved your hand and dismissed it.

“No no, come on (Y/N) I think Steve is right,” Tony chimed in.

“No no guys I appreciate it but I’m fine-“

“Look (Y/N) even Tony says we should go. Tony knows what he’s doing right?”

“Y-Yeah we can watch ‘Footloose’ later,” Peter tried. You shook your head.

“Come on lets just go see, huh?” Steve tried as he glanced at Tony who nodded. Steve and Tony then stood up and tried to pull you up. You then shifted your weight backwards in protest to fight back.

“No no I’m not- I’m not going! I’m not going because I’m scared I can’t do this.” Your voice shifted from yelling to breaking softly. Steve looked at you sadly and kneeled back down. You were crying softly as Steve held your hand and looked at you with wide blue eyes.

“Hey, listen. I don’t know anyone stronger than you,” Steve began softly. You stared at him with watery eyes as he gently wiped away one of your tears. “I know you can do this. Now I know it’s scary (Y/N) I’m scared too,” he chuckled lightly.

“I’m literally petrified I have no clue what to do,” Peter added. You glanced over sadly before looking back at your husband.

“But we’re going to get the best gift out of all of this, okay?” He asked softly. You nodded and inhaled slowly. He smiled at you and glanced over at Tony. “Alright Tony, how far apart are they?” Steve asked quietly.

“Friday?” Tony asked.

“Three minutes, boss.” Friday replied casually. Tony shrugged at Steve, who’s blue eyes were fiery as he looked down.

“Th-three minutes? Tony, Tony you said you’d warn me at five! What happened to five and four, huh?” Steve began to yell in stress. Your eyes darted from Steve to Tony as you cowarded back and began to cry again.

“Oh no no no I can’t have my baby here I want to go to the hospital!” You began to cry nervously. Tony looked down at you with determined brown eyes.

“And that’s where we’re going right now. Friday, pull the car around and Steve you get some things ready,” Tony instructed calmly. Steve shot him a dirty look before running to grab some essentials. You stared at Tony with fear in your misty eyes. “Guess where we’re going?” Tony asked.

“The hospital,” you choked in response.

“Yes and guess what we’re going to do?”

“Have a baby,” you answered. Tony reaches out and gently helped you up.

“Yep we’re going to go to the hospital and have a baby,” Tony told you. He guided you out to he exit as Steve ran after you. Peter scrambled to go get the team.

You were on your way to the hospital to have a baby.

~•~•~•~•~

(“He’s beautiful,” you whispered. You held your son in a blue blanket on your hospital bed. Steve day with you on the bed and held you close, admiring Luca Grant Rogers sleeping in your arms. “Wanna count his fingers and toes again?” You joked.

“No no, I’m sure there’s eleven on each,” Steve whispered back in response without taking an eye off his son.

“Okay,” you whispered sweetly in agreeance.

It had been a long 24 hours.)

i hope you guys liked that! it was really fun for me to write since i love “the office” SO MUCH! i hoped some of you caught when i quoted jim and pam, they really are goals! thanks for reading!🤍

[dracimalfoy1988292]

(ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 3 : ᴡᴀʟᴋɪᴇ ᴛᴀʟᴋɪᴇs ᴀɴᴅ sʟᴜɢs)

"This is beyond stupid," Celia muttered, leaning against the corridor wall with a cookie raised to her mouth. Not allowed to have sugar at home, the Slytherin girl savored every burst of flavor that erupted along her tastebuds. She had claimed the white chocolate macadamia nut as her favorite, the crisped bread and milky chocolate enlightening the similar feeling of warm flames and hugs.5

Macey was on her knees as she maneuvered the Bobby-pin in the locked door, rolling her eyes at the dark-haired girls pessimism. She'd insisted on picking the lock rather than casting the spell, claiming she'd seen it in a film.6

"You didn't have to come. Could've taken your cookies and left, but no, you had to stay. In fact, I believe your words were, 'I want to see the innocent puffs try breaking and entering," Macey copied, raising her voice multiple octaves.17

"I don't sound like that."

"You sure?"

"Pretty sure I don't talk like a fucking mosquito," Celia snapped, clearly annoyed.14

"Pretty sure you do."2

"Pretty sure I'm gonna smack you across the head if you don't lower your voice!" Valentine urged as she paced along the hall, keeping her eyes peeled for any professors or students who stayed awake past bed time.2

"Yeesh woman, chill. What's the plan?" Macey asks, sticking her tongue out in concentration, eyes trained on the key hole. Celia, catching Macey's eyes, moved her wand closer, the emitted light from her successful 'lumos' lighting the dull hallways.

"I've told you the plan, like, a bajillion times. We get inside, borrow what we need, then get the hell outa dodge. Pretty easy, so long we can actually get the door open," Valentine sighed, gnawing on her bottom lip anxiously.1

After she'd finished her classes hours earlier, Macey had informed her that Celia would let them borrow the cauldron as long as she was able to help, having a mutual dislike for the Marauders. And although Celia complained the whole time, Valentine didn't miss the small smile she'd adorned when being told the plan, as if happy to finally be let in on something.

"Relax, Val, I'm almost done," Macey responded calmly. She could tell she was nearly there, her fingers aching from holding the tiny hair utensils for so long. True to her word, a small click came from the door, which slowly creaked open.

"Aha!" Macey announced, jumping up.

"Shhh!"

"Shut up!"

In unison, both Celia and Valentine took liberty to quiet the enthralled girl, Celia's words slightly more harsh.

Macey ignored them, raising her palm to Celia for a high five, but the girl curled her lip and brushed past into the potions room, resulting in Macey to purse her lips, disgruntled.3

Valentine quickly took the opportunity to gently touch her hand against Macey's, congratulating her for the small achievement with a quiet high five. Her best friend smiled softly in return before following Celia into the classroom.

Valentine unwound the bag from her shoulder, approaching the counter as she searched for the ingredients needed. Slowly, to avoid excess noise, she pulled open the drawers and grabbed the lacewing flies she'd found earlier.

She laid it upright in the cloth bag before she let her cocoa-colored eyes search for the others.

"Aye, I've located the fluxweed, over," Macey spoke as if holding a walkie-talkie on the other side of the room, causing Valentine to grin at their inside joke.

Back in their second year, Valentine had informed her pureblood friend of the muggle toys, walkie-talkies, and Macey had instantly become fascinated. So that year Valentine had gifted a pair to her friend for a Christmas present, the small talking box brightly colored and small enough to fit in the pocket of their robes. They'd use them during classes they didn't share, and over summer the girls had brought them home to speak, only they learned they didn't reach long range, resulting in a summer of static.2

Unfortunately, when they'd entered their third year, they'd been caught by Filch and their toys had been confiscated, much to their dismay.

"Retrieved the lacewing flies, over," Valentine repeated with a giggle.

"What the bloody hell are you on about?" Celia hissed as she placed a finding of her own, skin of boomslang, in the bag.

He emerald green eyes skipped from the light-skinned girl to the blonde, eyes brows raised in confusion.

"Oh!" Valentine said in delight. "They're muggle toys, and when you press a tiny button, you can speak from long distances. Like a telephone- not that you'd know what that is, obviously. Sorry I'm not-,"

"A fellytone? And what's the purpose of this gadget? Who names these things, toddlers?" Celia broke off.

"A telephone. And I'm not quite sure who names them. Alexander Graham Bell, I believe- uh, not that you'd know him, either. It's actually quite funny you two aren't caught up, they're all the talk- hah, literally-,"

"You're rambling," Macey singed. "Let's talk about the muggle worlds new inventions after we commit the federal crime," she suggests, rifling through cabinet after cabinet.

"Right, sorry," Valentine quipped, only wanting to finish before getting caught. She already felt bad for taking the things to begin with.

Slipping the pouch of Horn of Bicorn into her satchel, she revised everything they'd gathered carefully.

"Let's see... fluxweed, horn of bicorn, lacewing flies," she mentally check marked the list as she completed checking the bag. "Andddd boomslang skin. We already planned to get the hair tomorrow. Perfect -wait, we need leeches. And knotgrass," Valentine cut off, rereading the list before confirming with a nod. "Yeah, we don't have leeches or the grass. Can you check the shelves to your left, Celia?"

Doing as asked, Celia rose to her tippy-toes, trying to make out the worn labels plastered to the glass jars, but she couldn't fully reach. Just as her fingertips brushed the container, a longer arm slid past and snatched it.

Celia withdrew her arm, resting back on the soles of her feet as she turned to Macey, who wore a cocky grin.9

"Knotgrass, your highness," Macey said teasingly, bowing as she handed it off to the shorter girl.42

"Dork," Celia grumbled as she took the jar, only to pass it off to Valentine, who wore a frown.

"Well, we've checked the whole room. I can't seem to find leeches anywhere. You guys?"

"Nah," Macey answered, picking dirt from beneath her nails. Celia shook her head.

"Merlins balls, of course the one thing we needed left isn't here. Now what are we supposed to do?" Valentine ushered.7

"Well, I suppose I've got an idea," Celia spoke up, her acquaintances looking to her with hopeful eyes, and Celia hoped she was right.

"There are always leeches in the Black Lake. Theo and I would sometimes stick them to random students, and it's so funny when they'd freak-," surprised at breaking her composure and cold exterior, she stopped herself.3

"There are just leeches in the Black Lake," Celia rushed out quickly, playing with the hem of her robes subconsciously.

"Right, and how do you suppose we find them?"

At Macey's questions, Celia grinned wildly, finding this the entertaining part.

"Well, it's the perfect night for a swim, innit?"

23

_______________________

"NO," CELIA FIRMLY SAID INDIGENTLY, not moving from her spot against the pillowy grass, which had slight drops of mildew on the green blades. "I proposed the idea, it's only fair I get out of this one. Besides, you wouldn't even be doing this without my help."

Valentine put her hands on her hips, knowing she'd be the one to do the dirty work. Macey had always been scared of swimming, ever since she'd been pushed into the Black Lake their first year by older Ravenclaws.1

Valentine sighed before easing her hair into a bun on the top of her head and removing her shoes, hiking up her robes as she stared into the dark water, where clumps of algae were gathered. If the moonlight hit the water just right, you could see farther through the ripples, where small creatures swimmer back and forth, tails propelling them forward.

"Right, well, let's get this over with then," she muttered, putting one foot into the murky water, but she quickly pulled it back, grimacing at the cold temperature.

"Mannn," she whined. "I'm gonna get hypothermia!"

"Stop being so dramatic," Macey said from her spot, leaning against a tree.

"Funny coming from you!" Valentine said back.

"Excuse you, I almost drowned!"

"You were in THREE FEET OF WATER!" Valentine roared. Annoyed with their arguing, Celia marched over to the blonde, extending her arms, and shoved her backwards, body hitting the surface as the water broke, shattering like ice around her. Water splashed, a few drops gathering against Celia's pearly skin and she wore a proud smile.

Valentine stood in the water, coughing up buckets of water as she frantically brushed loose hairs from her eyesight, curls matted against her forehead.

"You could've-," another choke. "You could've warned me!"

"Yeah, I could've. But I didn't," she shrugged, sitting back to the ground. "Get looking, Ariel. I don't have all night."22

Valentine grumbled under her breath as she rummaged through the water, seaweed sticking to her clothes. Cold water dampened her robes, making them heavy. She plunged her hands deeper, fingers searching along the rocks at the bottom for the feeling of leeches.

Macey and Celia watched from the shore, amused with the look on Valentine's face, but the two girls suddenly jumped up in alarm when Valentine was pulled beneath the surfer, a short scream sounding from her lips before it went silent. Their eyes pleaded with the water to return Valentine.

"Screw it," Macey said as she dived into the water, practically bellyflopping. She winced at the impact, soreness spreading through her rib cage, but she ignored it as waved her arms about, hoping to feel hair or skin.15

When she came up empty, she was ready to go back under, only for the silence to end as soon as laughter filled the atmosphere.

Combing the frizzy hair from her eyes, Macey locked eyes with Valentine, who's stood hunched over as she held her stomach, laughing so hard it hurt.

"You- you bellyflopped," she wheezed.

Macey's jaw dropped in blasphemy. Eyes narrowed, she swept her arms against the water and sent a wave upon her blonde friend.1

"You bitch! You made me jump into the Black Lake!"

This only made Valentine laugh harder. A few minutes passed before she grasped reality, heaving for air. Macey, looking pissed as ever, stared at Valentine.

"Right, sorry," Valentine said, though she clearly didn't mean it as she continued to smile. "But good news, I got some."

She raised her palms, and five leeches were attached to her fingers, all plump and black with small antennas sticking from their head.

[jising-jisang-jisung]

Sugar Lips | Huang Renjun

Genre: floof

Word count: 1.7k

A/n: this is one of the longest fics I've ever written and not at all based off of a boy from my school whom I dislike sorry about the rushed ending I didnt know where I was going with that :/

~~~~~

You and Renjun had never gotten along. He sat behind you in math and was constantly picking on you. Yeah, you could have destroyed him with some sick burns, but you held your tongue out of consideration for his gigantic ego. Half the school thought you two liked each other and the other knew that yall were mortal enemies. The thought of you liking Renjun made you want to stab your eyes out with sporks. However, you couldnt deny that Renjun was hot. Like, this boi had been hand sculpted by God himself. Seriously damn. You had to give credit where credit is due. But, as I said, you do NOT like Renjun.

After the rumors started that you and Renjun like each other, you tried to react less to him. You no longer argued and paid little attention to him. Much to your dismay, your teachers seemed to find your ability to ignore Renjun as a good quality that most of the others students lacked. This resulted in you sitting by him in most of your classes. But obviously you didnt let this affect you. You just had to sit there and pay him no attention. Easier said than done. You were always trying to not notice him, despite always looking at him because hes hot.

One night your friend, let's call her Ryn for fun, forced you out to a party and then ditched you. Skew you, Ryn! You weren't the biggest fan of parties so you sat on one of the counters in the kitchen, by yourself, patiently waiting for Ryn to be ready to leave. That's when something caught your eye. Renjun was also alone in the kitchen and he was looking right at you. Or at least, you thought he was, but he could easily be looking at something else. Why would he be looking at you anyways? You looked back down at your drink, avoiding any eye contact with the boy you have to ignore.

By this point in the year, you had gotten very good at ignoring him. You didnt even notice when he started walking towards you. And you didnt even react when he grabbed your hand. You paid him no attention as he led you into an empty room. All you had to do was not pay attention to Renjun. That's seriously all you had to do. So you didnt pay attention to him as he leaned towards you. But he grabbed your chin, causing you to look him in the eye. Shoot. Just dont react, you thought to yourself. You tried not reacting as he leaned closer and closer. Until..

He stopped? "Do you want me to stop" he asks innocently, a blush leaking onto his cheeks. Okay stay calm, just dont do anything rash- You tried to tell yourself but instead you grabbed his shirt in a fist and pulled him until the little space between you was now nonexistent. His lips were sweet, like sugar. They were as forbidden as they were sweet. And you were completely aware that you should not be doing what you were doing. Yet, you did not pull away. Thankfully, neither did Renjun. He just wrapped his arms around your waist and held you as close as he physically could.

The next thing you knew, your phone was going off. The musical tone signaling a call from Ryn who, to your dismay, was ready to leave and looking for you. Renjun took a small step back, wiped his mouth, and walked out of the room you to had shared. He didnt even say anything. Confused, you left as well, in search of Ryn. You found her by the door and explained everything that happened on your way home. Leaving out no details, it was a bit hard to believe considering Renjun was known to be you mortal enemy. What will happen when you sit by him in class tomorrow? Will he say something about it to embarrass you? Or will he stay quiet and pretend it never happened? Oh gosh, what if he says it was only because he was drunk? Thinking back to your memory, his mouth didnt taste like alcohol at all, so even if he tried to blame it on drinking, it wasnt feasible. But now you were thinking about kissing him,,, and that thought didnt go away easily.

~

You walk into your first class to see him already there surrounded by the other boys. You had planned to avoid eye contact and avoid him in general because you were worried about what he would do. But you locked eyes and to your dismay, he just smirked. Dare you say, is was a really handsome smirk too. Luckily nobody was paying attention so this interaction went unnoticed as you sat at your seat beside him.

Half the class went by without mishap and you hoped you would never have to deal with Renjun again. However, you are not that fortunate. He slid you a note discreetly.

Y/N, for acting like you have a pole stuck up your ass 80% of the time, you're a surprisingly good kisser ;)

You tried so hard to hold yourself back. To not react. To go back to how things were with Renjun as your enemy of mutual disgust. But you could help but write back.

Only 80% of the time?

You busy later?

I am completely free tonight

Good, my family is out for the night

And then the bell rang and you were off to your next class which you didnt have with Renjun. Before you knew it the school day had ended and you were rushing to leave. Maybe you were going too fast because you didnt see the person in front of you until after you ran right into them.

"Y/N! Can you fucking watch where you're going?!" Renjun said. You were taken aback by his antics because he was acting so weird in your classes today. I guess this makes it seem like nothing has changed between you two to the rest of the school.

"Watch where you're going, Renjun, you stepped out right in front of me." You spit back before you walked away without another word.

~

You arrived at Renjuns house around 5. When he opened the door, you could tell he was nervous but tried to play it off. You wanted to kiss him again, but he hadnt made another move. Yolo! You grabbed his shirt in a fist and aggressively pulled him towards you. His eyes were big, surprised by your actions. He kissed you back more delicately than before. It was as if he was no longer fueled by the lust he had at the party.

Renjun was the first to pull away. His face was bright red as he invited you further into his home. "Are you hungry?" He asked. "Yeah, maybe a little" He then went to his kitchen and got some snacks. "Listen, Y/N" his voice was shakey, "I know that we made out at that party and we havent really gotten along before but what I'm trying to say is" his eyes fell to the snacks in his hands, "I actually like you." Your jaw actually hit the floor when he admitted this. Obviously your reaction didnt do much help for Renjuns nerves. He scratched the back of his head when you didnt respond and spoke again, " I know I act like I hate you and that's because you hate me, dont you? So I'm not expecting you to like me, but I just thought I'd let you know the truth."

You couldnt believe what the boy was saying. Right now he looked so shy and small compared to his usual cocky, confident self. "I dont hate you, Renjun." You tried to say but it only came out in a whisper. His face lit up. "You dont, well then I have a slight chance- shit I meant to say that in my head" Yeah, this boy is supposed to be your enemy, but you have always found him attractive. You spent years pretending to hate each other because you both thought that the other did. Maybe Renjun isnt as bad as you thought. You decided to see where this would take you. "Do you wanna watch a movie?"

Again, his face lit up as he smiled at you handing you a bag of gummy worms, "Thatd be great."

You two wound up picking out a movie that you barely remember because you're sitting very close to Renjun. You cant help but stare, and your heart flutters a little. He turns to look at you, catching you off guard, meeting eyes. This time he took the initiative and grabbed either side of your face and kissed you softly. You wrapped your arms around his neck with your hands playing with his hair. Before you knew it the movie had ended and the credits were playing. You pulled away from Renjun a little dizzy from the lack of oxygen while you had been kissing. You didnt want to leave but it was a school night and you had to get home. You smiled shyly as you stood from his couch. "I'll see you tomorrow." Renjun nodded and followed you out, watching as you drove away.

~

The next day when you entered your class, Renjun was already there, again. But this time he got up from the group of boys and came over to you. He smirked before grabbing your hand and kissing your cheek. Queue everyone's reactions ( .O.) You knew he was just playing it cool but you were still blushing like you have too much blood in your body and it happens to all be in your face. Some people claimed they called it or knew or whatever. None of that was important to you two.

Yall would go on cute dates pretty much anywhere. The park, a picnic, the arcade, literally anywhere was fun with Renjun. Sometimes you'll even go to his house just to nap and cling onto him. Due to this, Renjun bought you a big plushie to hug for whenever he cant be there for you. What I'm trying to say here is that you two are goals and cute af and so on.

[creacherkeeper]

Familiar Weight 

If Aziraphale didn't want a relationship with him, well that was fine, really it was, Crowley could deal with that. He would mope, it's what he did. But he'd get over it, as he had in the past, and they'd continue on with their friendship as they always had.

He just ... needed some time. Because it was fine, but it also hurt, and he needed to sit with that alone.

'Alone' being the key word. Which can't exactly be accomplished by Aziraphale turning up at his doorstep with a fluffy blanket and ice cream and a horribly out-of-date VHS copy of The Princess Bride.

some angst, hurt/comfort, mutual pining, & friendship

~4000 words 

read on AO3 

Moping wasn’t technically one of the seven sins, but Crowley could do it better than anyone. He didn’t need demonic intervention to get that sense of deep existential angst one feels when one is heartbroken. If he could’ve gotten a commendation for “best at feeling absolutely anguished and doing nothing productive about it”, he would’ve applied ages ago. Or … at least before all this. Before the Apocalypse that wasn’t.

He didn’t think he’d be getting any sort of commendations now. He was no longer on Downstairs’ “worst in the best way” list. Just the worst. Bottom of the barrel.

He rolled over in bed, using a minor miracle to fill up his glass on the nightstand with water, specifically so he could not drink it. Just so the water felt ignored. His body was physical, no matter his state of immortality, and lying in bed for days on end had left him with aches and pains. His wings were out so they could become messed and ruffled and tangled in the sheets. He was doing a very good job of this moping business, he thought. It was a shame no one was around to witness it. If a tree falls in the forest, and all that.

Of course, just to add to the irony of the thought, that’s when he heard a knock on the door. He was used to missionaries coming knocking—he encouraged it, actually. He loved inviting them in and leading the conversation in circles until they left feeling confused and dismayed.

He wasn’t up for it today, though. He didn’t want the satisfying thrill of the minor inconveniences he could cause. He didn’t want any sort of thrill at all. He rather did just want to be glum, with an upset feeling in the pit of his stomach.

His fingers waved, and the raving bark of large dogs sounded by the entrance—snarling and snapping of foaming jowls.

Even from his bedroom, he could hear the sigh.

“You don’t have dogs, Crowley. I’d like to come in now.”

Crowley sat up, heart beating an uncomfortable thud. Aziraphale was at once the last person on the Earth he wanted to talk to right now (minus all the other celestial creatures who might be out and about) and the only person he desperately craved to see. Once they’d gotten past the initial high of saving the world and saving each other, things had gotten … awkward. Strained. At least on Crowley’s end, they had. Aziraphale didn’t seem to have gotten the memo.

“Go away, angel,” Crowley grumbled, knowing his muffled voice would carry perfectly well to the angel’s ears. “I’m sick.”

Aziraphale scoffed. “You are not.”

“I am,” he protested. “Horrible demon flu. Coughing up frogs and all that.”

The door unlocked, and in the few seconds before it was opened, Crowley had half a mind to lock him back out. It was a battle of wills at that point, and Crowley didn’t have it in him to put up much of a fight.

“I’m coming in,” Aziraphale said, unnecessarily.

Crowley sighed to himself, as dramatic as he could, and pulled his blanket back around his shoulders. He shuffled into the open doorway, facing Aziraphale as he shut the front door and turned.

“Oh,” Aziraphale said. “Your wings look terrible. Maybe you really are sick.”

“What do you want?” Crowley croaked.

Aziraphale flashed him a strained smile. “Well, you hadn’t returned my calls. Bit worried Downstairs had gotten you after all. But it seems, uh …” He gave a little wave at the mussed wings and the blanket. “You’ve been keeping yourself occupied.”

Crowley swallowed, not deigning to comment.

“That’s quite alright, though,” Aziraphale continued. “I’ve brought supplies for just the occasion.”

And he tapped on the briefcase he’d held by his side, and crossed into the living room.

“Supplies?” Crowley muttered. His head tipped back and forth while he wondered if it was worth it. His chest already felt lighter, even as his stomach turned to knots, and frankly, he’d rather go back to the achy, empty feeling of a few minutes ago. He was quite good at that feeling. He’d taken 6,000 years to master it. “Ugh, blast him,” he finally growled, and followed.

Aziraphale was standing and waiting for him, hands crossed, smiling pleasantly when the demon joined him. The briefcase was sat on the coffee table, unopened.

Crowley eyed it with suspicion. “Scotch?” he asked.

“Not quite.” He leaned down to click the latches open, clearly taking his time. “You know, for a demon, you’re quite bad at indulging yourself.”

“Bad at a lot of things,” Crowley shot back, and Aziraphale’s eyes glanced to his for only a second.

“But, no matter,” he continued, as if the comment hadn’t been made, “for I’ve brought just the things.”

Crowley didn’t want to be curious. He didn’t even want Aziraphale to be here. He didn’t want anything except a restless sleep and perhaps some sporadically noisy neighbors. Just to really make the experience worthwhile.

But, he was. Heaven be damned, he was.

He crossed over to examine the objects Aziraphale was pulling out of the briefcase. A thick, knit blanket. Some mugs. A pack of cocoa. A few cartons of ice cream—cookie dough flavor—still frozen. Some very fuzzy socks. And a copy of The Princess Bride, on VHS of all things.

“It’s a miracle that all fit in there,” Crowley muttered, and Aziraphale shot him a smile.

“What, are you going to tattle on me?”

The “maybe I will” was on the tip of his tongue, but in his mind’s eye he could feel the hot sting of hellfire, and Gabriel’s grimace of a smile, and he let the comment die.  

Aziraphale shook out the blanket, lying it on the leather couch.

“Where are your spoons?” he asked, moving into the open kitchen, and then proceeded to open the exact right drawer.

“Aziraphale—”

“Ah,” he said, grinning. “I found them.”

He returned with two spoons, and set them down next to the ice cream as he picked up the VHS.

The TV, Crowley thought with a tinge of bittersweet victory, had no port for it.

“Hm. This won’t do,” the angel muttered to himself. He held up the VHS, one hand to his lips as he thought, and then just … pushed it into the TV screen. Crowley opened his mouth to protest, but the TV clicked on obediently, and the advertisements began to play. His mouth clamped shut.

Aziraphale moved back over to him, where Crowley was standing dumbly by the coffee table.

“Well? Sit.”

He waved to the couch. Crowley did nothing but stare.

“I didn’t bring any, um … ‘Snuggies’. Those were one of yours, weren’t they? I thought that might be pushing it.”

Crowley could feel his days without drinking in the dryness of his tongue. He struggled to swallow, closing his eyes for a moment. He wished he had his glasses, but didn’t feel like using the energy to call up a pair.

“Aziraphale …” he finally managed. Aziraphale stared at him patiently. “What are you doing?”

It looked like it took an effort for the smile to cross Aziraphale’s face. Perhaps the angel had finally gotten the memo on the ‘strained and awkward’ thing.

“Well,” he started, “usually when you disappear like this, it’s because you’re moping over something. But you’re rather terrible at it, dear boy, and I thought this time I would intervene.”

Crowley’s jaw worked as he thought of an answer. He wanted to scream, to give into the deadly sin of wrath and yell, yes! yes, you stupid angel, of course I’m moping—it’s because of you! but he didn’t. That would lead to a productive conversation, which was far beyond Crowley’s capabilities at the moment. So he twitched his lips and replied, “I like to think I’m good at it.”

“Mm. Quite,” Aziraphale responded, squinting his eyes in a faux smile. “Well, are you going to stand there all day?”

Somewhat petulant, Crowley plopped back onto the couch, wings draping over the back, and snatched up the blanket Aziraphale had brought. It was … heavenly soft, if you’ll pardon the phrase, and his fingers stilled in appreciation of it.

Aziraphale hummed in contentment and sat down next to him, leaning forward to grab one ice cream carton and the spoons.

“Not hungry,” Crowley muttered.

“That isn’t the point,” Aziraphale informed him, “drowning your sorrows in—well—ungodly amounts of sugar is the point. And if you share the carton instead of having your own, you can pretend you haven’t eaten as much as you have. Little trick I’ve picked up on.”

The carton was shoved into his hands, and the chill of it raised bumps on his arms. The spoon was offered next, and Crowley glumly took it and began to eat.

It … wasn’t bad. He didn’t usually go for food, and tended to like savory over sweet when he did. But the texture of the cookie dough chunks was pleasant, and the ice cream was cold and smooth.

“Now, this movie,” Aziraphale started, hands rising to gesture, “was originally a book, you see. Penned by William Goldman and published in 1973. It found its own success, but the film, well it really was a hit. It’s now considered to be a ‘cult classic’ and has quite the following. It’s the perfect film for a gloomy-hearted day.”

Crowley shoved another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth in lieu of responding, glad that it was good at least for that purpose.

The movie started to play, and the lights in the flat seemed to, almost by themselves, dim to the perfect degree. It was with a bitter taste on his tongue that Crowley noted the almost cavalier way the angel was using his miracles. They may have scared off Heaven and Hell for the moment, but Aziraphale wasn��t even trying to be cautious.

Cough cough. Baseball noises. The movie was drowned out by the sudden wash of Crowley’s thoughts. Why was Aziraphale even here, sitting not six inches from him, acting like nothing was wrong? Was he really that obtuse? He’d hoped the angel would get the hint and leave him alone, at least for a while, at least until Crowley could carefully shove down all his feelings and get on with the whole friendship thing, as he’d done in the past. He only needed to mope for … oh, maybe a good month or so. They’d gone much longer without seeing each other. It’s not like this hadn’t happened before.

He was startled from his thoughts as Aziraphale reached over and took the carton, taking a few spoonfulls himself before putting it back in Crowley’s frozen hands.

Crowley stared at Aziraphale’s mouth as he sucked the last of the ice cream from the curved metal surface.

“That day she was amazed to discover that when he was saying ‘As you wish’, what he meant was, ‘I love you.’ And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.”

The ice cream carton clunked onto the table, and Crowley let the blanket slip from him as he stood.

“I’m going back to bed.”

Aziraphale huffed behind him. “Oh, don’t be so difficult, Crowley.”

The demon spun with vengeance, wings puffing and feathers standing on end. “Me? I’m the one being difficult? You’re the one who’s broken into my house and forced all this on me.”

Aziraphale’s lips pulled taught. “Yes. Perhaps that was unfair.”

“I mean- Why are you even here, really? What is all this?”

His hand waved half-heartedly at the briefcase and its supplies. “I just wanted to help you feel better.”

“Well, it’s not.”

His hand dropped. His mouth opened and closed as he looked away. “Well,” he said, voice quiet. “Is it too much, then, that I just wanted to see you?”

Crowley’s wings dropped. The fight left his body, and he looked away. “A bit.”

“Look, I know I- that I had a hand in—” His hand rose to motion towards Crowley. “-all this. I just … Well, forgive me, but I didn’t want to stay away.”

Crowley sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “I just need some time.”

“Well, this time, I don’t want to give it to you.”

Frustration bubbled up in Crowley’s chest. “You can’t just pick and choose. You can’t—” His teeth ground shut.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale said, and the way his voice broke on the name forced the demon to look back. “I understand you’ve had a hard week, and some of that was because of me. But I’ve had quite the go of it too, and right now all I want is to be with my best friend.”

Crowley bit his tongue. Because that was the problem, wasn’t it? Or at least part of it. Best friend. It had taken him almost 6,000 years to admit it, but that wasn’t what he wanted out of their relationship. Maybe actually saying that would’ve been helpful, but he felt like he couldn’t have been more clear with his intentions. And that’s how it always went. Crowley would put out the feelers, make a suggestion, an offer, and Aziraphale would shut it down. And he could live with that, he could. It hurt like anything, but he was coping. He’d respect Aziraphale’s wishes and his boundaries and anything else. He just needed time. All he wanted was a little time.

“I asked you—” Crowley started, and then had to stop, as his voice had taken on a choked quality. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I asked you to go away with me. We would’ve had all the time in the world. And you said no. You did. So I waited. I asked again. You said no. I just need a little space.”

The smile that rose to Aziraphale’s face was too watery to even be considered a smile at all. “The world was ending, Crowley. And we stopped it, the two of us. If we’d left, only She knows what would’ve happened.”

“And after, I- After it was over, I thought … Maybe now.”

“Crowley—”

“But the thing is, Aziraphale, that I shouldn’t have thought- I shouldn’t have hoped, because you always say no. And that’s—it’s fine! It is! I just … it hurts, too. Maybe that’s … maybe that’s not on your radar, one of your heavenly senses, but …” He looked down. “It just hurts. And you have to let me deal with that.”

When he looked back up, he was ashamed to find tears in Aziraphale’s eyes.

“Do you think it doesn’t hurt me, too?” Aziraphale stared at him, a little fire in his eyes. The breath stilled in Crowley’s lungs. “That I—Heaven forbid—that I get anything out of it but pain? Do you think it doesn’t kill me to say no, every time? The last thing on this world I want to do is hurt you, Crowley, and I hate myself, truly, when I do.”

Crowley’s wings shook, and he pulled them back into his shoulder blades, afraid of what they’d show. The coffee table met his backside a little too hard, and he wrung his hands together.

“My dear, do you think I don’t want to say yes?”

His yellow eyes shot up, locking onto Aziraphale’s. He knew they were yellow all through where the white was supposed to be, and he’d be embarrassed about it if he had the focus.

But he didn’t, because the only thing he was thinking about was the wetness of the angel’s eyes and the wobble of his lips.

“Then why—” His voice rasped, and he swallowed and started again, “Then why didn’t you say yes?”

Aziraphale’s breath huffed out of him, sad and wet. He looked away for a moment before patting the couch cushion beside him.

Cautiously, Crowley moved beside him. His body was taught, only growing stiffer as Aziraphale reached over and took his hand.

“I had a dream once,” he started, both of his hands wrapped around Crowley’s, thumbs working over his knuckles and fingers skirting over his palm. “You were always talking about sleeping, and dreaming, and, well, I wanted to try it. This must have been, oh, I don’t know, decades ago, now. There was a war on, and I was so tired. All I wanted to do was sleep.”

He swallowed, and Crowley watched the movement of his throat.

“And so I did. I slept, and I dreamt. And I had a dream that we were together, you and I, in- Well, you know what way. But we were caught, you see. Heaven found us.” His lips pressed together, and his eyes pinched, and Crowley wanted to shush him, and tell him it was okay, that he didn’t have to continue. It wasn’t like Crowley didn’t know where this was going. “Well, they … They killed you, Crowley, to put it bluntly. Not temporarily discorporated, or put at a desk job Downstairs, just- You know. That was it. You were gone, and it was my fault, and I’d never see you again.

“And I woke up, and at first I thought it was the most horrible dream. And then I had the even more horrible thought that perhaps it wasn’t a dream at all, but a premonition. You know I love my books of prophecy, and, well, I’m an angel after all, so I thought … what if it was true? What if, should I go down that path, that’s what would become of you?”

His fingers stilled over Crowley’s, like he’d lost himself in thought and had forgotten to keep the movement up. Crowley squeezed his fingers, and the angel shook his head.

“Because, well, this thing we had … It worked, didn’t it? Up until now. Because, angels and demons, we were meant to thwart each other, that’s what we do. And Heaven was fine with me, being here, and you, being here, as long as they thought that’s what was happening. Me, the good and obedient angel, making sure you didn’t stir up trouble. Well, it’s just natural, isn’t it? That’s the way of things. But—think of it, Crowley. What would happen if they thought … if they thought we were happy? It’s just not natural. Not to them.”

Crowley didn’t want to think what would’ve happened had they been caught sooner. His mind flashed again to Gabriel’s disdain, for the easy way they’d led him to the fire.

“Why do you care what Upstairs thinks of you?” Crowley whispered, already knowing, and not wanting to hear the answer even as he wanted to hear it all the same. “They … They don’t even like you, Aziraphale.”

Aziraphale’s breath stuttered, and a pinch of guilt rose in Crowley’s stomach at causing it. “Yes, well … I’ve come to realize that, now, but … Well, they were supposed to love me, weren’t they? We’re angels, and I thought, well, that that’s rather the point. I suppose you’ll think it’s silly, but … part of me was terrified to lose that.”

Crowley’s eyes stung, and he looked down as he willed the feeling away. He squeezed as Aziraphale’s fingers again. “It’s not silly.”

“No, it was.” The breath came from Aziraphale in a sad little laugh. “Can’t lose what was never yours.”

His eyes drew back up as Aziraphale extracted a hand, wiping at his cheek.

“Did you know that, um, when they found out, Michael and the others, they, um … Well, they hit me, and pushed me against a wall.”

All of Crowley’s hairs stood on end, and he sprung from his usual slouch. “They what?”

“No, no.” Aziraphale pulled him back down, patting his hand. “Don’t be angry, it’s fine, really, it, uh … Well, it was good, I think, in the end. It adjusted my priorities, you might say.”

Slowly, Crowley sunk back down. But he could feel the anger dance across his shoulders. “I’m sorry,” he managed.

Aziraphale nodded, blinking a few times. “What I’m trying to say is … It’s not that I didn’t want to say yes. I was … I was just scared, Crowley. And it was easier to hold you at arms’ length than to confront that.”

Crowley nodded back, staring at his knees. “I’m sorry if I pushed you.”

“No, it … I think I needed the push, the push was necessary. I just wasn’t ready.”

Crowley squinted across the room, trying not to put too much focus on him. The movie had quieted, almost imperceptible, though neither of them had moved to turn it down.

“They’re not watching us, anymore,” Crowley said, and he hated in part how light and hopeful his voice was. “We’re … well, we’re free of them, for the moment. We don’t have to hide, anymore.”

Aziraphale nodded, not looking at him.

“We could—”

“Not today,” Aziraphale said, and Crowley stopped short.

Something rumbled in his chest, some ancient and fresh frustration. “Why?” is all he could ask.

“It’s not the right time.”

Crowley huffed, but didn’t pull his hand away. “It’s been 6,000 years, Azira—”

“It’s not the time,” he said again. “I think,” he continued, “that we’ve gained a lot. But we’ve lost a lot, too. And it’s okay to be sad about that. I think we both need a little time to be sad. I know I do, at least.”

And that was when Crowley understood. It’s not that they didn’t want each other, mutually, it was just … Aziraphale was mourning. He was mourning what he thought he had.

Maybe the blanket and the ice cream and the fuzzy socks weren’t for Crowley, after all.

He let the silence sit between them for a few moments, and then the sound of the movie faded back in.

“What’s this movie about, anyway?” he asked.

Aziraphale smiled at him, grateful. “Well, it’s a love story,” he said, voice soft. “But it’s more than that, too. There are fights and adventures, and good friends, and cunning wit. And laughs. There are a lot of laughs, as well.”

“It sounds good,” Crowley said.

“Oh, it is,” Aziraphale agreed, leaning forward to pick up the remote. “I’ll show you my favorite part.”

“Hey,” Crowley protested. “You can’t just go to the good part. It’s all the things leading up that make it good.”

Aziraphale didn’t respond, but his smirk did.

Crowley frowned. “You did that on purpose.”

“Perhaps.”

His eyes rolled, though Aziraphale wasn’t looking at him, and he plucked the ice cream carton back off the table. “Wily,” he muttered, holding the carton between them, and Aziraphale hummed in contentment as he took a big bite.

Their hands left each other as Crowley pulled the blanket tighter around the two of them. His wings stretched back out of him, and he let one drop around Aziraphale’s shoulders. Not asking anything, not inviting. Just a familiar weight.

“Oh, this is a good part,” Aziraphale said, thoroughly distracted by the screen.

Crowley watched him, and smiled. He didn’t take any more ice cream, just held it for Aziraphale so he felt like they were sharing. And that’s all it was. Familiar and comfortable. And, Crowley could finally admit, that’s all it needed to be.

Tomorrow might be different. And if it was, they would come to that then, together, as it should be. But for now, they had this, they had each other. If this was what Aziraphale needed from him, not a great love, not right now, just a friend—his best friend—then that’s what Crowley would give him. Things were different now, but some things had stayed the same. And, finally, Crowley was okay with that.

[yeehawyoongles]

BTS Vine Drabble 4- The L Word

I believe i’m giving you a challenge here but i would love to see how you execute it lol. I want to request 10, 39 and 50 // hoseok x reader (you can choose the genre, thanks 😎)

10. “I won’t hesitate, bitch.”

39. “I still love myself”

50. “But you didn’t”

Word count- 1.8K

-I’ve been given a lot of freedom here, And decided to go with a fluffy friends-to-lovers concept.  I had a lot of fun writing this, even though the plot isn’t anything outstanding, I thought the thing was kinda cute (: I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

You can see the rules and prompts for requests here.  I would really like to do some more so feel free to send some!

“Ugh.” You groan as you sit on the side of your bed, in front of your fan.  Sticky, salty sweat coated your skin, making you look like you were fresh off of the set of Twilight.  The weather forecasts underestimated how oppressive this heatwave was going to be- there was no escape from the heat, even in the shade, fans and air conditioning units are sold out across the country and the streets are bare, save a few very brave souls who thought that they could take such heat. You stare out of your apartment window momentarily, looking at the haze which came across the neighbouring buildings, the entire city is a blur of buildings and smog.

“Time’s up with the fan, jackass. Move along,” Your friend, Hoseok, playfully pushes you.  He was, in fact, one of the aforementioned brave souls.  He had the day off, a rarity for him, and thought he would come to visit you. “This apartment is so hot, why don’t you have any air conditioning installed?”

“I don’t have the money for air conditioning,” You reply weakly, you can hear the heat drying your throat.  You stand up to close the curtains, so that the sun wasn’t coming in.  You leave the room to prepare two ice-cold glasses of water, handing one to Hoseok when you return. “Besides, AC is for babies.”

“You’re calling me a baby?” He shuffled back on the bed to stare at you with an offended expression plastered on his face, while he points his index finger towards it. “Meanwhile you still drink juice from a carton... and you have all of these soft toys in your bed?

“Hey! Don’t act like you sleep with twenty different mang plushies in your bed!” You giggle as you bicker with each other, your backs both falling back against the bed, rolling onto your sides while you do so.  It was frightening how much you two resemble each other when you laugh, especially when you are together.

“That’s not childish, that’s just being lonely.” He makes his statement as he slowly stops laughing, under his breath.  You hold your own breath for a second, processing how sad the comment was, however, your silence makes the room feel awkward, you need to say something...

“That’s not completely true,” Your voice was an octave higher than usual as it pieced through the heavy atmosphere surrounding you. “You share your room with Jimin.  He’s cuddly, you should go and receive a hug once in a whi-”

“I won’t hesitate, bitch.” - These are the last words you hear before meeting your doom, meaning Hoseok whacking you in the face with one of your plumped-up pillows.  Your nose began to ache as you let out a cry which overwhelmed Hoseok’s manic laughter.  You lift the pillow off of your face and gently slap him on the shoulder.

“Fuck you! It’s way too hot for pillow fights, I deserve the fan now, piss off.” You whine before rolling half of his body towards the end of the bed, you move in the same direction, eventually experiencing nirvana as the crisp, cool air from the fan kisses your injured face delicately.  You let out a gentle sigh at the sensation. Hoseok, on the other hand, may be dead.   His body looks limp as he half lies face down on the bed, not moving, not saying a word.  That is until, he lets out a very loud moan, swiftly sitting himself up.

“Fine! Fine! I’m sorry, I’m an idiot! Just please, please, let me-”

“Not happening sunshine,” You try to hide your smug smile, but it merely made you look even more smug, The cool breeze of the fan moving your hair. “This is mine.  Fair and square.  If you couldn’t handle the heat you should’ve stayed at home with your precious AC, shouldn’t you?”

Hoseok groaned again.  “Excuse me for being a good friend to you.  I travelled so far, in such horrible, oppressive conditions, I fought so hard to get here, only to be treated like this? That is truly shocking, you know, many girls would welcome me with open, loving arms, but you have to be the exception.  My own friend, or at least, that’s what I thought I was...” He’s practically crying by the end of his Shakespearean soliloquy, grabbing you by the shoulders and staring deeply into your eyes.  You try to look around at anything but him; you knew this was a gag, but you couldn’t help but feel a little...  Flustered.  Anyone would if the person they have had feelings for for several years would feel the exact same.  You try to pass it off as an eye roll, rotating your body to face the fan again, completely ignoring his dramatic, lengthy speech about your betrayal, for a few moments.

“I am not many women.  I’m special.  You told me that once, remember?” You say monotonously, quietly, still facing away from him, so that he doesn’t notice the redness scattered across your cheeks.

“I-I did?” He asks, a small amount of panic evident in his voice.  He shuffles in his spot, staring at his bare feet as he searches his brain for such an incident, unsuccessfully.  His cheeks too begin to redden.

“Didn’t think you would remember,” You giggle silently. “You were really drunk.  I think you were at a party, for the last tour.  You called me at three in the morning, you woke me up — Thanks for that, by the way — and I’m pretty sure I could hear you crying.  You said my name, and told me I was special.”  You both take a long pause as the story sinks in, the only thing that could be heard were your sighs and the humming of the fan.  After a few seconds, Hoseok leans forward and looks at you.

“Bullshit.”

“Hah! It made you think though, huh!” You exclaim, jumping up from the bed. “Thats how you act well, that was miles better than your Hamlet recital before!”  Your eyes were wide to match your smile, like a caricature.  However, little do you realise the mistake you’ve made.  The two of you now stare at the space on the bed that you have just vacated.  A moment passes before you both scramble in order to get to the seat, but, to your dismay, your friend prevails.

“Who’s laughing now?!” Hoseok yells before breaking into laughter at the sight of your face; the expression you made was a sight, capturing emotions of upset, betrayal, anger and humiliation.

“Ugh,” You sigh as you slump on the bed next to the throne which he had just claimed. “I swear to God I hate you Hoseok.”

“That’s okay,” He still wears a proud smile on his face from his victory. “I still love myself.”

The heat was beginning to get to your head, providing you with a sudden wave of confidence, perhaps because you are still pretty pissed off about the ordeal too. 

“Me too.” You mumble, however louder than you would’ve liked, as evident through Hoseok’s reaction.  He jumps up suddenly and stares at you intensely, as the familiar redness rises in his face, and because of his over-the-top reaction, of course you can see it. What the hell is he doing? you think.

“What exactly do you mean by, ‘me too?’” He asks, leaning towards you ever so slightly, he is definitely panicking.

You brush off your comment with ease.  “I love myself too.”  You hide a grin as you watch his reaction carefully.

You wish you could record this, his face an oscar-winning movie; He transitions from shock and slight embarassment, to disappointment, then realising that he’s showing his disappointment and smiling.

“Good,” He nods frantically, the expression completely false. “That’s the spirit we want in this house.”

His verbal response is met with a very awkward silence as you watch him, meanwhile he’s following your tricks earlier and trying to look at things that aren’t you.  At this point, you know that your feelings towards Hoseok’s goofy ass are mutual.

He extends a long finger towards your bedside table, but you don’t turn around. “I-is that a new lamp? It looks really nice, it suits-”

You disrupt him by placing your lips upon his. You do this soflty, incase he doesn’t kiss back.  However, he reacts by deepening the kiss, placing his hand on your head so that his thumb caressed your cheek.  You melt into each other, not so urgently, but nonetheless passionately; years of pent-up emotions were spilt into this single gesture.

“M’kay,” You pull away reluctantly, your skin even more clammy than before.  This is not the perfect weather to kiss someone that you deemed your soulmate back in a very old diary. The kiss, however, was perfect, a moment of calm within your chaotic relationship “perhaps, I meant that in the way that you think I did.  And no, that lamp isn’t new, unobservant jackass.”

Hoseok chuckles. “Only you would confess your feelings to me and call me a jackass in the same breath.” He rubs your sticky arm affectionately, gently.

“And that, my dear, is exactly why you love me.”

“It’s a little early for the L word, is it not?” He leans close to you, a heart-shaped grin on his face.

“I don’t know, is it?” You throw the question back to him as you lean in too.

He hums. “Don’t know, I mean I’ve felt like this forever, I’m pretty sure.”

You pause, an inquisitive look on your face.  “You kept those feelings to yourself this whole time?”

“Well yeah, I thought about telling you a couple of times before-”

“But you didn’t” You exclaim, whacking his arm playfully.

“Oh, so you’re telling me these feelings have just miraculously creeped up on you in the past few minutes?” You respond with silence, and you look down towards your toes.  “That’s what I thought,” He wears a smug smile, prodding your shoulders.  You frown. “Hey, what’s up?”

You look up and make eye contact with him. “Oh- nothing, it’s just that we really liked each other this whole time but we didn’t know? It seems like we wasted a lot of time...”

Hoseok rubs his cheek with your thumb, making sure that you keep eye contact with him. “The important thing is that we both know now, right? We can make up for lost time.  We’re ready now, I wouldn’t have done this any differently, as long as I’ve got you,” He places a gentle peck on each cheek, making your face go red as you giggle, showing Hoseok a smile he’d never noticed you do before- a smile of adoration, love.  That reminds him: “by the way, you just said like, when you technically said that you love me before because of the whole love-myself-love-you-too situation, so you love me too.”

“Too?” You ask, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course.” He says without hesitation.  He leans into you yet again.

“How did you just say the L word without saying it?” You ask, but the only reply you get is your second kiss, the smile that Hoseok gave you before hand imprinted in your mind.

[chocolatemillkk]

New Man (JS)

Request: I think one based on 'New Man' by Ed Sheeran would be a fun concept. Preferably with Jack or Joe? Thanks a lot! 💕

A/N: This was quite fun! Ed's lyrics were hilarious to read through

Part II

"You look like you've just eaten something rotten," Josh says as he tries to find what I'm looking at. He wouldn't see it, not anymore. The crowd swallows them and they disappear with all the other bodies.

"I just saw Y/N with her new man."

"Are they that bad together?" Josh asks.

"So bad it's giving me indigestion," I pick up my beer and try to wash the taste away. I knew getting drunk wasn't getting me any closer to moving on. I'm not sure what would, considering the way Y/N and I broke up. Out of nowhere, she had said she met someone new. She promised nothing happened between them but that didn't make me believe any less that she was with a slimy guy.

The crowd parts enough for me to see him again and his lips mouth the words to the song playing, the vein in his neck bulging as he was probably shouting the words. Idiot. An idiot wearing sunglasses in a night club. Jeez what did Y/N see in him?

"That bloke?" Josh nods towards him. "One with the tattoos."

"Hmph," I snort. "He probably doesn't even know what half of them mean."

Josh chuckles and we watch him in mutual silence. We cringe when he holds up a gang sign to the rap music.

"How did Y/N leave you for him?" Josh scratches his head.

"He's got a six pack and grooms himself like it's his bloody job." I didn't care how petty I sounded.

"She's got better taste than that. Probably just a mid-life crisis or something."

"Josh she bloody 26! That's hardly mid-life. He's just a charming bastard and I was the idiot who pushed her away the last month because she started talking about marriage and the future and-"

"But don't you love her," Josh looks at me. "Were you not planning on marrying her? It's been like four years?"

"Five," I correct him, taking another swig. "I just feel like we're so young. It scared me."

"You of all people aren't getting any younger. Maybe you should talk to her."

"I have," I mutter, making sure Josh couldn't hear. That was the thing, Y/N still messaged me.

The first time was a week after we split, she'd forgotten a scarf at my place and I'd found it in the dryer. I met her halfway, neutral ground, and we ended up talking before we left. Which led to texts, especially late at night. I couldn't figure out what it meant but I knew Y/N was just mixed up. She wasn't this girl. This girl that dated a gym rat who watched what he ate 24/7 and instagramed his cheat meals. She was the kind of girl with her nose in a book and wildflowers picked on her way home from work. I wondered if she still picked flowers for him.

"I should head home-you wanna Uber with me?" Josh suggests.

"I'll head home in a bit," I say much to Josh's dismay. He looks at me wearily, like he was trying to say the right thing.

"Just don't dwell on it too long. You don't want to be a creep standing here staring-"

"Thanks Josh." I cut him off. "I'll see you around."

Josh leaves, grumbling, leaving me alone with my drink-which I'd had a lot of I suddenly realise.

As I make my way to the toilets, I stumble on Y/N alone. Her eyes alight when she sees me and then settle down as she crosses and uncrosses her arms.

"Funny seeing you here," she gives a shy smile.

"In the club I'm always at?" I respond and she looks annoyed.

"No need for the hostility," Y/N rolls her eyes.

"How are you with a guy like him?" I demand in an explosion. Seemed like I wasn't holding back tonight. "Yo-you're the girl reading a book with a packet of crisps not the girl clinging to the arm of a wanker like him!"

"You don't know him," Y/N glares at me. "So stop judging him because you're jealous."

"Jealous?" I laugh. "Of him? Of his plucked eyebrows and bleached arsehole? Because he shares his kale salad with you while the twos of you watch the Kardashians? You think I'm jealous of his tribal tattoos that he's no clue what they mean because he's a bloody white bloke from East London! Wait, no I'm probably jealous of his wannabe wardrobe or that he wears no socks on with his shoes? Yeah, definitely jealous-yeah babe."

"You sure do keep track of a guy you're not jealous of," Y/N says defensively but circles of pink dot her cheeks.

"Because I still fucking care about you! I don't know why you're with him-surely he can't give you the love I give."

"He makes me happy!" Y/N shouts, raising her voice above mine for the first time.

"He-he makes you happy? And I didn't? Is that why you're texting me at night? Why you're here by yourself while he dances away like an idiot out there? Happy? Jesus Y/N I...fuck." I take my frustration out on my hair. I made her happy-I could still make her happy! Why was she so hell-bent on this dick.

She looks teary eyed and I feel guilty so I drag her to the back of the club and she follows despite what I'd said. It makes me realise how lost she really was.

"You're not this girl Y/N...I know the real you not this...kale-eating, fitness-obsessed, Kardashian-zombie. I...if you want to talk you can call me. Any time-I'm all ears for you. If he makes you happy, then be happy but if you're looking for love-I'm still here to give it to you."

"I wanted a different love from you Joe. The kind that came with a ring and a promise and even though I gave you five years of my love you freaked out. He makes me happy okay? Just...just go Joe." Y/N can't look at me, she folds herself inwards and turns away. "I just want to be left alone."

I open my mouth but I can't find the words to tell her I was sorry when I wasn't or that I loved her when I couldn't be in love with her. So I turn and leave.

•••

I'm slumped on my couch a week later, the boys are all over bickering over some game on screen but my eyes are glued to Y/N's new Instagram post. Her new man is lifting her above his head and she's laughing-she looks happy. But the picture looks tacky. I hated that guy.

I click her handle and start scrolling, looking out for the pictures when we were together and were actually happy together. I find one of our hands intertwined as we hold up champagne in cans to the camera. Y/N is obviously drunk by the giddiness in her eyes and the pink on her cheeks. I look at her like she was my everything. She is my everything.

How did I get marrying her to freak me out this much? Why did I run away and let her get away!

"Joe what did you see?" Caspar asks beside me. "It should have been a penalty right?"

"Huh?" I put the phone down. "I guess."

"See!" Caspar shouts.

"He wasn't even paying attention!" Mikey shouts.

My phone vibrates and I can't believe my eyes. It's Y/N.

Wanna go for a drink? Or lunch? I just wanted to see you.

I type quickly before she could change her mind, yes

"Joe!" Caspar says in my ear.

"See-he's not even watching." Mikey points to me.

"What's gotten into you?" Caspar asks.

"He's still broken hearted over Y/N-leave him alone." Josh says with no feeling.

"Aw, do you want to talk about it?" Caspar asks, concern erasing his earlier expression.

"Actually I'm stepping out," I lean away from Caspar. "Byron please make sure the boys don't destroy the place."

"Wait you're leaving?" Jack asks. I make a vague excuse and leave as quickly as I could. Y/N had texted me a nearby pub and I make my way there.

"You came," Y/N looks tired when I see her. When I tell her she gives a small smile, "Haven't been sleeping too well. Stress from work."

"Your manager being an idiot again?"

"More so than usual. We all suspect his girlfriend's dumped him."

"Which girlfriend? The cackly laugh or the one that wears only red bras under her transparent shirts?"

"Babe they're the same one-she just had her nose done."

"You're joking-I guess that red was too distracting." I take hold of the glass the bartender hands me and Y/N and I look at each other and start laughing.

"This is so easy with you," she wipes her tears but when she looks back at me they look sad.

I don't know what to say, not wanting to start another argument so I just look into my glass as we shift in place.

"Want to grab a booth?" She suggests.

"Yeah," I walk behind her and notice her newly highlighted hair. "Nice hair."

"Oh," she touches the ends and smiles. "Thanks. Brian told me it would complement my skin tone and it really does!"

"Hm," I supress the urge to roll my eyes. Brian.

"Don't get like that," Y/N clucks. "He's really sweet Joe, the other day he remembered I like hydrangeas so he bought a plant for his balcony. And he always makes sure I'm alright like that time we-"

"Okay." I stop her from going on. "I really don't want to hear about your new man if that's alright. I'm sure he doesn't like hearing about me too. He probably doesn't even like that you're here now."

Y/N shifts uncomfortably and I raise an eyebrow. "I told him I was meeting with Y/F/N."

"You..." I try to put my judgement away. This meant I still meant something to her right?

"Don't judge me." Y/N shrugs. "I just wanted to see your face. I miss hearing your laugh when I say something really stupid. Or how we just talked shite about my boss without having to explain anything."

"I don't want to cause a scene but Y/N...why are you...why did you leave me then?"

"Because!" She bursts even though I just said not to cause a scene. "I wanted more from you Joe. I wanted you to have both feet in with me, to not be so afraid of getting married!"

"Shh," I try to put my hand on her arm. "I'm sorry I just-we got together when we were younger I was scared that...it felt like we were so young. We have so much time."

"Not anymore." Y/N says.

"But we're still meeting here in private." I say with bitterness. "While you wear your sporty shoes and lip gloss like you just came from the gym even though I know you hate working out."

"I knew you would judge me," Y/N scowls.

"Baby, I'm not judging you or trying to ruin your week. But you know you act so differently around him! Maybe he makes you happy for a bit but when you're with him I know you're lonely."

"I'm not lonely," Y/N insists.

"Yet here we sit reminiscing about how easy we were." I remind her.

"I-I should just go. I need to start on dinner anyway." Y/N gets up and I scramble to get out too.

"Hey," I hold her arm once we get outside. "Wait. Just...please remember you're still free to make the choice and leave him. If you really are happy with him you've got to stop texting me and asking to see me. If you want me to move on, prove it. But if you still want us then let me know."

I lean down and kiss the top of her head and I hear her sigh under me. She wraps her arms under my jacket and we hold each other but I have to lean away before it borders inappropriate.

"I'll see you around," I say softly and turn to leave before her sadness seeped into me too. Leaving her there felt like stranding her but she knew where to find me, I tell myself. If she wanted me, she would know where to look.

[maknaesdancersrappers]

devoted.

Jung Jaehyun || yandere!au(ish?), thriller(???), smut (im sure about this one lol), cursing, some pretty dark shit is under that keep reading line

word count: 9k

devoted masterlist

T R I G G E R  W A R N I N G.

A/N: i usually make a sideblog for scenarios and imagines but i cant commit to writing often //sighs at exo and svt fic blogs// so i’d rather post it on my main tumblr than on my AFF account which is strictly for memberxmember only (author name is on the gif lmao i got too lazy to edit it to my tumblr url) so here’s some jaehyun smut for all his hoes, me included.

P.S. this is based off my dream the other night and i deadass almost had a panic attack from it

As a boyfriend, Jaehyun was… devoted.

It was a mutual decision; a decision he had voiced out first, but later on deeply regrets.

Jung Jaehyun meant well when he had asked to take a break from your relationship because the final months of university was harder than both of you thought. You simply had no time for each other, especially since you come from two very different courses.

It’s been almost 4 years since you two began dating, thanks to that one Gen Ed subject you miraculously shared together during freshman year. If he hadn’t been late and ended up sitting beside you, neither of you would have crossed paths again.

Jaehyun loves you, he was completely smitten that day you had accidentally swung your head to him a little too strongly and caused your hair to whiplash against his face when all he asked was for the professor’s name to put on his forms.

And you love him, ever since he had flashed his signature dimpled smile, chuckling away your apologies for having smacked his face with your hair.

From pair works in class that turned to study sessions at the library, that turned to spending breaks together at the quad, that turned to dinner dates at the nearest pizzeria, and by then all of your friends can tell that you and Jaehyun weren’t just friendly classmates anymore.

As a boyfriend, Jaehyun was… devoted. He doted you; he made sure he showed how much he loves you every second that he can. It was cute at first, until you got used to it. It had never been a bother or a burden, no matter how many times your friends would point out it was starting to be creepy. But you always shrugged them off, saying it’s simply how Jaehyun was.

First week

“You and Jae?” Ten repeats, “Are taking a break from each other?” He scoffs and nudges Doyoung, “Are you hearing this?”

“Wait, I must have something in my ears.” Doyoung sticks a finger into each ear and pretends to clean them, “Okay, can you repeat that again, (Y/N)?”

You roll your eyes at them and Yebin throws her used tissues at the boys, “Ignore them, (Y/N.) But I’m just as surprised as they are. Are you and Jaehyun really taking a break?”

“Taking a break, in our definition, is not expecting dates every other night, texting or calling during breaks, you know, the usual things we do. And if by some miracle, we bump into each other, we’d just, smile, I guess.”

“Oh thank fuck, no more kissing like you haven’t seen each other in years.” Doyoung groans, only to screech when Yebin kicks his shin under the table.

“I bet you won’t last halfway the semester. Give or take a month?” Ten shrugs his shoulders.

Doyoung snorts, “I bet you won’t last a week.”

“It was his idea and we both agreed to it. We’re graduating soon and we both promised to do our absolute best for the last semester, so we’re getting rid of distractions.”

Ten hums, “It’s just unlike him to suggest it.”

You pout at him, “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“He worships the ground you walk on.” Doyoung says in a tone like it was the most obvious thing that existed. “He worships you.”

“He’s just affectionate.” The bell rings, “And we’ll be late for class.” You stand up from your seat and they follow suit.

Third week

It took a while for you to get adjusted to the fact you’re on a break with Jaehyun. There were plenty of times you had to stop yourself from texting him to ask how he was or if he’s up to eat out together. When there was a knock on your apartment door, you had imagined it was him and not the food delivery you forgot about.

One fateful Friday, none of your subjects had given out homeworks to slave on during the weekend and Yebin had demanded for a mandatory and much needed girl’s night out at the new bar outside of campus. You were fine with the idea, until one of your friends, Minkyung, had took it upon herself to dress you up.

“No.” You automatically told her the second her hand reached for the last dress on the rack in your closet. It was probably the shortest dress you had owned. Despite its sweetheart neckline and flowy cloth, the A-line dress was cut off just above your thighs. It wasn’t the best dress to wear on windy days, to say the least. “That’s too short.”

“It’s cute and sexy!”

“But Jae–”

Minkyung cuts you off with a snap, “Last time I checked, you and Jaehyun are currently on break. Let your legs and ass breathe while they can. You’ve kept your best assets in pants or baggy shorts because Jaehyun doesn’t like it when guys ogle them.”

���Uhm, I don’t like being ogled by other guys, too.” You weakly shot back but she had already forced the dress on you and pushed you to the bathroom.

It didn’t take long for the three of you to get ready and hop into a cab that took you to the bar Yebin had not shut up about days prior from tonight. It was the typical bar set up, with booths surrounding the dance floor with 3 bartenders manning the bar and serving up cocktails one after the other.

Minkyung was fast enough to secure a booth for the three of you and you slip inside while Yebin ordered some drinks.

You realize that it’s been a long time since you were able to go out with them like this. You had always spent your free time with Jaehyun and although you missed him, this was a nice change, too.

Halfway through the night and six margaritas and 3 shots of tequila later, Minkyung and Yebin had coaxed you onto the dance floor. Intoxicated, you sway your body to the beat, laughing and singing along with your girls. You abruptly stop when a hand glides down from your waist to your hips.

“Excuse me, but I have a boyfriend.” You slurred a bit, but stood your ground to glare at the boy that felt you up.

“Really? Where is he then? Hm?”

You size him up quickly, he was shorter than Jaehyun but had Johnny’s built.

“It’s called a girl’s night out, jackass, so fuck off.” Yebin pulls you away but he grabs your arm and you cry in pain.

“I wasn’t talking to you, short stuff.” He hisses at Yebin, who responds with a harsh stomp on his foot.

Minkyung and Yebin whisks you away from him while he cusses at her.

“Are you okay? God, some guys are just jerks.” Minkyung snarls, pulling you into a hug.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry for spoiling our night out.” You reassured her.

“You didn’t spoil it, babe. That jackass did. Besides, we’ve had one too many to drink, we should head on home.” Yebin pulls out her phone and books an Uber for the three of you.

Hangovers are the worst. Usually, Jaehyun would have prepared you some painkillers and a decent breakfast, but today, you and your roommates ate cereal in front of the television with the volume down low.

“I feel like shit. Are we too old to enjoy getting wasted already? Shit!” Yebin cries, clutching her head with one hand while jamming a spoonful of soggy cornflakes into her mouth.

“Someone ask somebody to bring us painkillers. My head is killing me.” Minkyung whines, rubbing her temples.

You grab your phone and to text Doyoung, who instantly replied with his dismay of your state but will still bring over some painkillers.

The television suddenly sounds an alarm, making all three of you groan and cover your ears.

“Breaking News from Seoul Central University. Finance student, Kim Iljung, 22, was found beaten up outside a bar on the outskirts of the campus. The victim reported that he was ambushed from behind with a bat and was not able to see his assailant.”

“(Y/N), isn’t that the guy that felt you up?” Minkyung points out and you look at the ID photo the news report flashed.

“Oh shit, yeah. Oh my god.” You gasp as the reporter described the injuries the boy had sustained.

“Kim claims that he does not know who did this and the reason behind it. He is currently recovering in the campus hospital and is working with the campus police to catch his assailant.”

“Serves him right for molesting (Y/N)! Karma’s a bitch.” Yebin says, drinking the leftover milk from her bowl.

“Karma or not, it’s scary. To be randomly assaulted like that? What if one of us were in his place?” You visibly shuddered. “I mean, who could do something like that?”

Ninth week

You’ll be having your period soon.

You know this because on top of craving all sorts of food twentyfour-seven and experiencing drastic mood swings to your friend’s unfortunate luck, you had to deal with a need that Jaehyun knew all too well to handle. But you haven’t contacted him as part of the conditions of taking a break which only meant you had to take care of yourself.

It was half past midnight when you were sure your roommates were in deep sleep in their respective rooms that you decided to lock your room and raise the volume of the music you usually played at night just a tad louder in case you got a little too vocal.

You haven’t touched yourself in a long time. And even if you had, it was under the predatory gaze of your boyfriend.

Play with yourself. He’d command and you would automatically open your legs and obey.

Everything felt tentative and unsure while your hands ran up and down your naked body. Your mind conjured up scenarios of all the times you and Jaehyun had fooled around and finally, your hand made its way to your core. Sighing, you circle your clit with the tip of your forefinger and shudder at the sensation.

You bite down your lower lip when you attempt to slip your finger inside you. After a few pumps, you slip in a second finger and a moan escapes you accompanied by your boyfriend’s name.

Yes, baby, that’s it. You could practically hear him whisper the words.

“Shit.” You remembered the last time you and Jaehyun masturbated with each other. Much like how you were lying down on your bed with your legs spread out and fingers knuckle-deep inside you, you imagined Jaehyun seated at the chair by your study table, with his large hand wrapped around his cock. You whimpered when you remembered how his eyes watched your fingers disappear inside you.

“A-ah.” You softly cry when you pump faster and harder, trying to match the speed and force Jaehyun had always used on you, but ultimately failed. You plant your feet on the mattress and lift your hips up when you finally feel yourself find the pleasure you’ve been craving for. “Jae.” You whine as your other hand squeezed one of your boobs.

There was a low groan that echoed into the room and for a split second you thought you had imagined it, but it sounded all too real and all too close for it to be a fragment of your imagination. You shoot up from the bed, your hands grabbing the sheets to cover your body as your eyes dart to the window to see a shadow move across it.

Fear seizes your heart, but you had to confront it. As quickly as you can, you run to your window and open it. Your dorm was on the second floor and if there was someone who had seen you, he was fast enough to go down the fire escape. But you shake it off, hoping it was nothing but your imagination.

You close the window before you can catch a cold, not noticing the gooey, white substance splattered on the window pane.

Sixteenth week

Finals were next week and you were at your wits end. You were neck deep in stress and you were desperate to release it. You were in no mood to drink and the girls had their own finals to study for. As you walked home late at night from the library, you stop in front of the university gymnasium.

It had been a while since you’ve went swimming.

You quit the team when you learned that Jaehyun quit the basketball team to make time for you.

The pool would have long been closed by now, but that’s not gonna stop you from sneaking in. You jumped the fence after checking no one was around and made your way to the building where the pool was.

The janitors always kept a spare key inside the emergency fire hose and with that, you successfully entered the indoor swimming pool.

The pool lights were left on as usual and you drop your bags to the side, your clothing following them soon after.

With only your matching red underwear, you slowly slip into the pool, half-moaning and half-whining at the cold water enveloping your body. When your body adapted to the coldness, you dive down and swim close to the tiled floor. From under the water, you look up and panicked when a blurred black mass stood at the side of the pool, causing you to resurface.

“Jesus Christ!” You gasp when you realized who it was. “Jaehyun!” You scolded, “You scared me!”

“Sorry.” He chuckles, lowly, pulling out one of his earbuds from his ear and letting it fall out from the hoodie of his jacket.

“How did you even know I was here?”

“I was out for a jog when I saw you jump the fence.” Once he said that, you noticed he was wearing his usual running clothes. There were a few beads of sweat sliding down his face and his breath was a little ragged. He squats down and offers you a half smile, “If anything, I should be asking you why you’re sneaking into the pool after closing time.”

You bite your lip and swim towards him. “The past weeks have been hard on me and I need to destress. Won’t you help me, Jae?”

His eyes darkened despite the pool lights shining in them. “I don’t think that’s how taking breaks from a relationship works, (Y/N).”

“We’ve made it this far, Jae. Can’t we cheat this break thing?”

“(Y/N)” He warns.

“Please, Jae. For me?” You unconsciously bat your lashes at him and he sighs.

“I don’t have my swimming trunks.”

You giggle at him, “If you haven’t noticed, I’m in my underwear.”

He watches you a little bit more and you thought he was hesitating, so you reach up and unzip his jacket for him. “Do you need help or are you going to let me play by myself?”

That made him smirk and he rises from the ground, discarding his jacket and peeling his shirt away.

Your mouth went dry at the sight of seeing his body again and it made you almost guilty to feel so sexually deprived for the past months. He pushes his running shorts down and reveals his boxers.

Your teeth bite down on your lips again when he kicks his shoes off and smirks at you before diving head first into the water. You swim backwards, trying to tease him as he swims to you from underneath. He resurfaces right in front of you the second your back hits the side of the pool.

Jaehyun wipes away the excess water off his face while you wrap your arms around his shoulders.

“Hi.” You whisper, laughing when he flashes you a smile as you helped pushed his wet hair back.

“Hi.” He breathes, grabbing onto your thighs and guiding your legs around him. “So you needed to destress?”

You nod your head, sliding the hand that pushed his hair back down the side of his face. “How are you gonna help me?”

He pulls your hips closer and grinds his erection against your clothed sex, eliciting a silent gasp from you. “I can think of a few things.”

“C-care to show me?” You stuttered, unable to say anything else as Jaehyun continues to gyrate his hips into you.

For the first time in months, you kissed each other.

The open kiss was messy and sloppy, and it was desperate, needy, and hungry. You clawed his bare back, looking for support as you slid down his body. In response, he pushes you against the side of the pool, the corner biting into your back had hurt but you couldn’t care less. His tongue had invaded your mouth, stroking your own as one of his hands roughly grab your breasts, pushing above the water’s surface.

You throw your head back, resting it against the poolside as Jaehyun clumsily thumbs your hardened nipple and trails a sloppy kiss from your cheek, to your jaw, and stopped short on the side of your neck.

Just as you slowly lose yourself with Jaehyun’s actions, a high pitched whistle hurls you back to reality.

“Shame on you two, fucking in a public pool.” Deep laughter follows afterwards.

Your eyes snap to the entrance where a group of boys watched in amusement. Humiliated, you hide yourself using Jaehyun’s body who shielded you nonetheless.

“Do you mind?” He snaps at them, defensively putting his arms around you.

“Yeah, man, we do mind.” One of them hollers, “We wanted to swim in sperm-free water.”

You flinch when they laugh once more, “Jae, let’s just go.”

He doesn’t react immediately; dark eyes glaring straight to the space behind you. His breathing had slowed and became heavy.

“Jaehyun,” You cup his cheek and make him face you, “Baby, let’s just go.”

It takes him another second to react. He closes his eyes and kisses your forehead. “Okay.”

The guys didn’t pay attention to either of you anymore as they jumped into the far end of the pool. Jaehyun helped you get out of the pool and instinctively, he checked on the guys as he got out after you. Just as he expected, one of them was checking you out while you bent over to grab your things.

“Hey!” He shouts, “I’d appreciate it if you stopped checking my girlfriend out.”

“Can’t help it, man. No wonder you can’t keep your hands off of her.” You see him look at you once more in an overly appreciative manner that made you shudder. On the corner of your eye, you can see Jaehyun tense up and ball his fists. “Jaehyun, leave him alone. It’s not worth our time, come on.”

“Do her real good, man!”

It took all your strength to hold Jaehyun down before he can even properly react. “Baby, please, I just want to go home.” You almost begged him and he finally relented.

Snatching your clothing up, both of you head for the locker rooms to dress before leaving the premises.

“Let me walk you home.” Jaehyun pulled you to his side after seeing you shiver.

After a while, he quietly says, “I’m sorry about those dickheads.”

“It’s not your fault. Maybe it’s the universe saying we shouldn’t be cheating on taking a break.” You huddled closer to him. “But I really miss you, Jae.”

“I miss you, too.” He plants a kiss on the top of your head. “We have a week left. I think we can hold out until then.”

“Until then? Hold out, what exactly?” You tease, spinning on your heels as you arrive to the doorstep of your apartment.

He leans down and kisses the spot between your jaw and your ear. “What could have happened back in the pool and so much more in the privacy of our homes.” His whisper was deep and low, tickling your ear and making you pull away with a short laugh.

“I can’t wait, then.” You let him kiss you on your lips. “Get home safely, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry for not helping you destress.” Jaehyun slightly pouts at you and you smile at him.

“I had this time with you.” You shrugged your shoulders, “It helped.”

“You can always play with yourself again.” He chuckles under his breath. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” And with one last kiss, he walks away.

You turn around and reach for the door, but realization hits you before you can turn the knob.

Did Jaehyun say… ‘again’?

Seventeenth week

You were finally through with exams and all you had to do now was wait for graduation. Jaehyun still had one last exam to finish in the afternoon, as Ten told you, so you guys, along with your roommates and Doyoung, decided to go to the mall.

When everyone grew tired of window shopping, Doyoung had suggested to head over to the arcade. Yebin had challenged Ten to breaking the high score on the basketball games while Minkyung had devoted herself into getting the large minnie mouse tsum tsum in the claw machine.

“Let’s play air hockey like old times!” You pulled Doyoung by his arm.

“Right! So I can beat you, like old times.” He laughs and avoids being shoved by you.

“We’ll see about that.”

He swipes the arcade card into the air hockey machine and the puck pops out in front of you. You place the puck onto the table and grip the striker.

“Are you ready to lose?”

“I should be asking you tha–hey! That’s not fair!” He yells when you make your turn and the puck goes straight into the goal.

“Whoops.” You feigned innocence. “If you’re so great, my leading point shouldn’t be a bother.”

Grumbling to himself, Doyoung places the puck back into the table and swings as hard as he could, making it bounce everywhere before you could block it and send it back to him. He had struck it too hard and made it hit the sides that ultimately led it straight into his goal.

“What the hell!” He complains and glares at you as you laughed out loud.

“That’s two points for me!” You cheer, preparing to block his next shot.

As the game continued, you couldn’t help but laugh at all the nonsense complains Doyoung kept stuttering out. Tears even made it to your eyes when he had made an effort to put all his weight into blocking the puck but he had missed it and stumbled away from the table.

“Are you sure you’re as good at this game as you say you are?” You jeered, peeking up at him through your lashes, but your eyes catch sight of someone else. “Jae?”

Doyoung cheers when the puck slips past you while you were distracted.

You eyes flutter down when the puck plops out of the bank by your legs but you ignore it and look back behind Doyoung. Jaehyun wasn’t there anymore.

“What’s wrong?” He stops his mini celebration and turns around, trying to look for what you were staring at.

“I just… I thought I saw Jaehyun.”

He whips his head back at you with a confused expression. “He should be taking an exam right now.” He glances down at his wristwatch. “Well, if he was fast, he could be done, but it would still take him some time to get here.”

“Right. I was just seeing things.”

After a few more minutes at the arcade, you head over to a fastfood chain across the arcade.

“To console you on your loss in our neck-to-neck air hockey match, I’ll buy you ice cream.” Doyoung wraps an arm around your shoulders, “Sound good?”

“Add in some fries and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be okay about losing.”

He exaggerates a sigh, “My best friend, using me for free food.” He lightly pinches your shoulder, “You’re lucky I love you or else–”

It happened so fast that you could barely register it into your mind.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh? Keeping her warm for me?”

The voice didn’t register at first, but the face that owned it did.

“Dude, what the hell?!” Doyoung scrambles onto his feet with Ten’s help.

Jaehyun steps forward but you block him. “Jae, what is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with  me? I finished my exam early and rushed here to see you, but I see him,” He juts his chin towards Doyoung, “With his arm around you.”

“What’s happening here?” A mall security guard approached your group.

“A misunderstanding, nothing we can’t handle ourselves. Sorry for the trouble.” You bow your head at him and grab Jaehyun’s arm. “Can we talk outside?”

He casts a glare at Doyoung before letting you pull him out. On the way to the exit, you recognized the same group of boys that chanced upon you and Jaehyun in the swimming pool from the previous week. You were ready to avoid their gazes, but they had seen you and immediately steered clear from you–and you didn’t fail to notice the fear in their expressions. Glancing up at Jaehyun, you could see the smug look on his face as he watches the group retreat.

You walk out into the parking lot and spin around to face him. “Do you want to explain yourself for what you did back there?”

Jaehyun frowns, “He had his arm around you.”

“I–Jae! He is Doyoung. Kim Doyoung. My best friend since pre-school. My best friend who is asexual. You know that!”

“He can’t be asexual forever. For all we know, he’s already got a crush on you!”

“Why are you being jealous of him? He’s my best friend and will always just be my best friend.”

“He just said he loves you!”

“And I love him back, as in, platonically, which I think is what he meant!” You groan in frustration. “You’re being ridiculous!”

Jaehyun scowls, “I’m being protective of my girlfriend!”

You suck in your lips and stare him down, “Your girlfriend that you’re technically on a break with.”

“What?” His body visibly tensed up.

“Maybe we should extend the break for a week or two.” You began to step back, but he follows you.

“What?” Jaehyun repeats, “Why?”

“Because, Jae,” You snap and he flinches at your tone, “I need time to get over what you just did inside to my best friend and you need time to contemplate over your actions and apologize to Doyoung.”

“(Y/N).” He whines.

“Jaehyun, please.” You cross your arms over your chest, defensively, and he stops in his tracks, looking at you with pleading eyes. You shake your head with regret and turn away, walking to the mall front.

He hadn’t followed you or tried to stop you, and you were thankful for that.

You take out your phone, book and Uber, and sent a text to Yebin, saying you’re heading home to rest, and then sent one to Doyoung, apologizing for Jaehyun’s actions and asked if he was okay.

Yebin replies with a kissy face emoji and a short message that she and Minkyung will bring home some dinner for you, to which you replied with a quick thank you.

Doyoung responds to your text a little while after, telling you that he’s fine; that nothing was broken or bleeding, and Jaehyun came back to check up on him and to apologize for punching him.

You close your phone as you see your Uber arriving and hop inside. Jaehyun had never reacted that way and it came as shock to you that he did. He was always that shy and nice kid that everyone was friends with. He was never assertive, but you knew it irked him when guys would so much give you excessive attention.

Seventeen weeks and three days

With classes over and practices for graduation rites starting in two weeks, you were left bored at home while Yebin and Minkyung had their exhibits and recitals to attend to. You woke up at noon and ate late lunch in front of the television, catching up on all the dramas you’ve missed for the sake of studying.

It pained you to watch some romantic scenes, if you were to be honest with yourself. It reminded you of Jaehyun and how he had acted a few days ago.

You learned from Ten, since he’s been seeing Jaehyun’s roommate, Johnny, that Jaehyun was either cooped up in his room or spending his hours at the gym.

The news didn’t make you feel any different. You missed him so much, but your pride wouldn’t allow you to give in. He had to apologize and admit his mistakes.

You fell asleep in the middle of a drama and was woken up by your cellphone ringing. The caller ID read Unknown, but you answer it either way.

“Hello?” You yawned. The other line was silent. Thinking there was a problem with the signal, you stand up and walk closer to the window. “Hello?” You repeat. “Who is this?”

As the line continued to remain silent, you decided to hang up.

The call was unsettling, but you shake it off and gasp to see that it was half past 8 already. You trudged to the kitchen, taking out some left overs from the fridge and pop it into the microwave. While waiting for it to heat up, you scroll through your SNS; liking pictures, watching random videos. You see Taeyong’s new profile pic that showed his newly bleached hair and you give it a heart eyes emoji react.

The microwave beeps and you close your phone to eat your dinner in silence.

As you cleaned up after your meal, you’re overcome with the sense of someone watching you. There was a palpable tension in the air and you convince yourself to look behind you. You regret not turning the lights on in the living room, leaving the open space dark and barely illuminated by the kitchen lights.

Your imagination went haywire, thinking how possible it was for someone to stand in the darkest corner and possibly staring you down, mocking how you can’t see them. But your eyes adjust to the darkness and you can map out the tall lamp shade Yebin’s mother had gifted you guys the day you moved in.

You let out an awkward, shaky laugh. “It’s all in your mind, (Y/N).”

Your phone rings, ripping through the silence and effectively made the tiny hairs all over your body stand up. “Motherfuck.” You hiss, clutching your heart as you take your phone from the counter.

It was an unknown number again.

“Hello?” You answer, a little too aggravated.

There was static on the other side and thinking the cell service was bad from the kitchen, you move to window and peek up into the cloudy sky. “Hello? This better not be a prank phone call.”

Instead of the silence you expected, you hear slow, heavy breathing.

“Hello? Who is this?” The clouds move and the moon shines the ground below. Your eyes drop to the street below and your chest tightens.

On the sidewalk that leads to your apartment building, there was a man dressed in a black hoodie, ripped jeans, and a black face mask covering half his face. He was looking up at your building, you weren’t so sure since his hoodie had casted a shadow over his eyes. But what caught your attention was his hand, holding up a phone to his ear.

You see his chest heave and at the same time, an exhale comes from the other line of your phone.

You drop your phone and stumble backwards as a scream erupts from your throat. You hear your roommates concerned shouts from outside the hall as they scramble to open the front door.

By the time they reach you, you were on the floor, shaking uncontrollably and crying from what you had seen.

Seventeen weeks and four days

Your landlady came to visit you and told you she had asked the campus police for extra security every night. They had also tried to trace the unknown number, but didn’t get any leads and guessed it came from a burner phone. Nevertheless, they reassured you that they’ll continue to investigate your case.

Minkyung and Yebin had slept beside you last night to comfort you, but the thought of having a stalker still haunted you.

You were still jittery and with your mind playing tricks on you, you grab your phone and head out.

“Hey, I heard from Ten what happened. Are you okay?” Johnny asks as he opens the door for you.

“More or less? Uhm…” You look inside the room as you toed off your shoes.

“He’s taking a shower. He actually planned to go to you, but I guess you beat him to it.” Johnny cocks his head to the small bouquet of flowers on the side table. “I’m meeting Ten for an early dinner.”

“Bye.” You quietly say as you watch him close the door behind him.

With soft steps, you make your way to Jaehyun’s room. It was tidy as it always was. You can hear him singing as the shower turned on and it makes you smile.

As you move to sit on the bed to wait for him, your eyes catch the black face mask on his table. “Has he been sick?” You frown to yourself, walking over to it. Upon closer inspection, you find an old-school phone beneath it. You dismissed it as a toy when you try to open it and consequently failed to do so.

Your eyes travel to the picture frame beside it. It was you, of course. You were with him to help him choose the picture he’d have printed and framed. You pick it up only to put it down as fast as you could when your fingers came into something sticky.

“Ugh, Jung Jaehyun!” You hiss, stretching your hand as far away as possible. You were disgusted, to say the least, but a part of you is flattered to know your boyfriend jacks off to you instead of some porno video or magazine. You walk to his laundry basket and grab the first thing you could and wiped your hands on it.

You feel bad for using one of his black hoodies to clean your hands but he’d understand. As you returned the dirty laundry back into the pile, you noticed the light washed denim jeans inside. There was an unsettling feeling in the pit of your stomach when you see that they were tattered. It’s a coincidence, you convince yourself, a horrible coincidence.

You throw the jacket back into the basket and walked over to the other side of the room to sanitize your hands with the bottle of rubbing alcohol liked to keep there. Your emotions have suddenly turned a complete 180 degrees; when you stepped inside the apartment, you felt safe and secured. But after running into items that looked so out of place and had triggered your memories of the past events the last weeks, you were uneasy.

The sound of the shower turns off and you cast a glance at the bathroom door, catching your reflection on the full length mirror. You blink repeatedly, seeing (yet another) item that you did not know Jaehyun had owned.

Your heart began to speed up as you twist around to get a better look. You could hear your heart beating in your ears with every slow step you took towards the corner of the room. There, hidden behind an armchair, resting against the crevice where the adjacent walls met, was a metal baseball bat. You wanted to throw up as your mind connected the dots.

Jaehyun was always protective of you.

“(Y/N)?”

You gasp, turning around, putting a hand over your chest.

Jaehyun, dressed in a loose shirt and boxers with a towel haphazardly thrown over his head, looked as equally as surprised as you.

He couldn’t possibly have done it.

You choke on the onslaught of tears, running to him and burying your face into his chest.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He automatically wraps his arms around you, smoothing your hair down. “You’re okay. I’m here. You’re safe with me.”

Jaehyun holds you tight, letting you cry out the remaining fear from the previous night, all the while placing kisses on your head and rubbing your back.

“Oh god,” You breathe in, smelling his strawberry-scented shower gel. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too.” He pulls away, tilting your face towards him. “How are you? Did you get any sleep? If I found out any sooner, I would have gone over to you.”

You shake your head, “I couldn’t sleep properly, even though Yebin and Minkyung stayed with me.”

“Have you eaten at least? Let me cook something for you to eat.”

“I-I… Don’t leave me here.” You hated yourself for sounding so weak.

Jaehyun offers you a soft smile, “No one’s going to hurt you while I’m around. But if you really don’t want to stay in my room, you can come with me to the kitchen.”

He leads you to the kitchen by the hand, his thumb running over your knuckles. He makes small talk with you, asking how your finals went, and you smile to yourself, seeing how he wanted to get your mind off last night.

You respond to his questions and watch him fry some eggs and slices of pork. It didn’t take too long for him to serve it to you with some reheated rice from this morning.

“Eat up, baby girl.”

“Baby girl?” You smirked, “Should I call you daddy, then?”

Jaehyun laughs, a blush still makes it way to the apples of his cheeks. “Be careful what you wish for.” He whispers into your ear, trying to sound seductive but ended up chuckling.

He watches you eat and from time to time, lets you feed him some.

“What are your plans after graduation?” He asks out of the blue.

You swallowed your food, “My plans?”

He nods, waiting for you to answer.

“Get a job?” You shrug, “I haven’t thought about that at all, actually.”

“How about moving into a new apartment?”

You pause for moment, “I don’t know if I can afford it, but my contract for my apartment right now ends two months after graduation so I should probably look into it.”

“Well,” Jaehyun massages his nape and avoids your gaze; a telltale sign he was nervous. He looked exactly the same when he first asked you out. “My parents graduation gift for me is my own apartment room in downtown Seoul. I was wondering if, you know, you’d want to move in with me.”

You stare at him, trying to process what he had just said. “Will your parents be okay with that? I mean, I thought you and Johnny would still be sharing an apartment.”

“He and Ten have their own plans, besides, I’m not sharing a bed with Johnny.” That makes you giggle and he lets out a short chuckle of his own, “And about my parents… they love you like their own daughter. They wouldn’t mind. I’m willing to bet they’re hoping for grandchildren in two years.”

“Woah there, big boy.” You laugh, “How about we take baby steps instead of hoping of seeing our baby take their first ones, huh?”

“Tell that to my parents.” He grumbles like a child and you reach up to pinch his cheeks.

“Anyways, I’d love to.”

“Hm?”

“I’d love to move in with you.”

It takes a second for Jaehyun to grin at your answer, both cheeks displaying a dimple each. “Really?”

You giggle at his reaction, biting down on your lower lip while you nod. “Yes, really.”

He pulls you in for multiple kisses, making you laugh in between each one. The last one he planted stayed longer against your lips, igniting a heat below your belly. His tongue grazes your lips and you instantly grant him access into your mouth, moaning at the sensation of his tongue sliding against yours.

His hands snake onto your thighs, roughly massaging them before pulling you tight against his body. You cling onto him; mouths undetached as he hauls you up and takes you back to the bedroom.

As if you were a delicate piece of china, Jaehyun sets you down on his bed with utmost care. He pulls away from the kiss, leaving a string of saliva between your lips before it snaps as he straightens himself to remove his shirt.

“Oh, god.” You groan, “I can’t believe I lasted 4 months.” You palmed him over his boxers with one hand while the other travelled upwards, fingers dancing across the expanse of the hard muscles of his abdomen and chest. Before you can slip your hands into his shorts, he grabs both of your wrists.

“I still owe you a destresser.” Jaehyun reminds you with a matching smirk on his lips.

You let him undress you, watching his eyes dart to every newly exposed skin and grow darker with carnal lust to every drop of clothing article on the floor by his feet. When you’re finally stripped off of all your clothes and underwear, he gently pushes you back until you’re lying on the bed. With a light tap on your thighs, your legs part to make room for him.

He removes his boxers and kneels on the bed, one hand already stroking his hard member. He leans down and kisses you, “I’m going to show you how much I missed you.”

“Don’t hold back.” You challenged and he playfully scoffs at you.

“When have I ever held back?”

Before you could answer, a digit dips into your core. A shaky sigh escapes you as Jaehyun languidly moves his finger around.

“Show me how much you missed me first.” He quietly says, “Use my hand.”

Whimpering, you covered his hand with your own, grinding your clit into his palm. Your fingers tapped onto his middle finger and he got the message, inserting it along with his pointer finger. He dragged them against your inner walls that caused you to softly moan.

You lifted your hips, hoping to get some more leverage but Jaehyun flexes his middle finger and it brushes against your g-spot. You gasp, dropping your weight back down to the bed. From there, Jaehyun takes over.

With no warning, he pumps his fingers into you, curling them inside before pulling out. It felt amazing and your body was already starting to convulse. He continued his actions, going harder and faster, ignoring the signs of your oncoming orgasm.

You cry out, grabbing onto his wrist with both hands as your body violently shook.

Not wasting any time, Jaehyun takes whatever essence of your climax his fingers collected and smears it over his cock, giving it a few more pumps before he slides it in you.

Your moan may or may not have been too loud for the neighbors to hear, but you had no control over it. Despite being sensitive and still high from your orgasm, you try to spread your thighs further for him. One of your legs pinned his on the bed while you wrapped the other around his hips.

Jaehyun mumbles something about you being tight and how it feels amazing just before he begins to thrust, slow and deep. He leans over and kisses your neck, alternating between sucking and licking every patch of skin he can get his mouth on.

“I’m going to mark you so other guys wouldn’t think twice about hitting on you, okay?” He thrusts a little too hard, as if to punctuate his question, and you groan in response.

“Yes, yes,” You gasp, your hands finding purchase on his shoulders. “I’m yours.”

He makes almost an animalistic growl, hips moving more erratically with your words. “Say that again.”

“I’m yours.” You chant, almost like a prayer.

With every repetition of your invocation, Jaehyun snaps his hips into you, gaining more speed and power. It had you curling your toes and teetering over a cliff, ready to jump head first into ecstasy only he can deliver.

Your body thrashed against him as he gave you your second mind-blowing orgasm for the night. He helps you ride it out, keeping your hips still as he shallowly pushed into you. Unintentionally, you clenched around him and he moans at the sensation.

“Shit, that feels so good, baby.” He rasps, throwing his head back.

“Won’t you come?” You asked, pouting up at him as you catch your breath.

Slowing down his thrusts, he looks down at you. He studies how you were still shivering from your high, how his kisses on your necks have bloomed into a bouquet of purple flowers, how your breasts rose with every haggard breath. He takes one into his hand, softly palming it. “I’m getting there.”

“Is there anything you want me to do?” You watch his eyebrows scrunch up and his lips curl into a wicked grin.

He pulls out of you all of a sudden and crawls until his knees are on either side of your chest. “Open up.”

You part your lips and stick your tongue out a little.

Jaehyun groans at the lewd sight of you; taking his cock into his hand and pumping as fast as he can. He places the tip on your tongue when beads of pre-cum ooze out.

You lick it up immediately, coaxing him to ejaculate by running your tongue on the underside of his cock’s head.

A string of curses fall from Jaehyun’s lips as he finally found the final push he needed to come. White, hot liquid shoots into your mouth and amidst of you swallowing it, the remaining cum splashes onto your cupid’s bow, cheek, and chin. He cries out in anguish when you push yourself up to suck him dry with hollowed cheeks. As you fall back to bed, one last spurt escapes him and hits your brow.

Seeing it dribble down your eyelid, Jaehyun uses his thumb to swipe it off. Before he can clean his finger, you grab hold of his wrist and guide it to your mouth, collecting the salty substance with your tongue.

“Jesus christ, (Y/N).” Jaehyun exhales, feeling his cock twitch at the salacious scene.

“I just missed how you tasted.” You giggled, kissing his thumb. “Still delicious.”

He combs your sweat-slicked hair and chuckles, his ears turning red at the compliment, “Well, I’m sure you taste sweeter.”

You jut out your lower lip at him, “How would you know? You haven’t tasted me in months.”

“Oh?” His eyes glaze over once again, “Is that a challenge?”

“Baby,” You coo, “It’s an invitation.”

If his dimpled smile made you melt, a dimpled smirk made you melt in other places–places he was about to visit.

“Don’t mind if I do, then.” He trails a kiss from between your breasts down to your navel.

Your jaw drops when he arrives right at your core and does his magic.

You dip your head back down further on the bed, moaning at every flick of his tongue. You turn your head to the side and your eyes fall on the baseball bat from earlier. You had a clearer view of it this time.

You had a clearer view of the other end stained with dark red splatters.

Your blood ran cold and you froze up.

Jaehyun, realizing immediately that you had stopped responding to his actions, pulls away and looks at you. His gaze follows yours and once he spots what had grabbed your attention, he hovers above you and places a hand on either side of your head. “Look at me.” He commands.

“You couldn’t have…” You murmur, meeting his darkened eyes.

“He touched you.” He simply states, devoid of any emotion.

“Jaehyun!” You reprimand, but he cuts you off.

“He disrespected you, (Y/N). I wasn’t going to let that pass by!”

“How did you even know I was the bar? Were you following me?”

“I wanted to make sure you were safe!”

You push him off, scooting off the bed and picking out your clothes from the floor. This wasn’t something you wanted to discuss in the nude. “Well, I was! Yebin and Minkyung were there with me. We left before he could do anything else. You didn’t have to beat him up with a bat! Jesus christ! Jae! You’re wanted by campus police.”

“He got what he deserved, (Y/N).” He coolly shrugs his shoulders, grabbing his boxers and slipping them on while watching you dress.

“And what about those guys from the pool?” You suddenly remembered running into them the other day.

“I only meant to go after the one who couldn’t keep his eyes off you.” Jaehyun admits, “But his friends came looking for him, so I had to deal with them as well.”

“You took them by your–” You shut your eyes in frustration and disbelief. It felt like you didn’t even know the man in front of you. Shaking your head with a scoff, you avoid his piercing glare.

Another thought pops into your head, a scarier one that gave you goosebumps.

You look to the table and stare at the black face mask, “…w-were you the guy last night?”

“Yes. I was outside your window, too, when you masturbated.”

You gaped at him with horrified astonishment. “Why?” It took every fiber of your body not to start shaking from fear and disgust. “You scared me shitless!”

“That was the point.”

Your jaw drops, unable to formulate a proper response, nevertheless, Jaehyun continues.

“I had to scare you back to me.”

“What?!”

“I was losing you.” His voice finally breaks from the monotony and raises an octave higher. “You asked for an extension when I was at my limit. I missed you!”

“I was mad! You punched my best friend, Jaehyun! I had the right to be! And it didn’t mean you were losing me. I just needed time to cool down!” You pinch the bridge of your nose. Never, in the four years, you and Jaehyun have spent together did you argue like this. This was a completely different side to your boyfriend and all these revelations were giving you a headache. You needed time to process them. “I can’t do this.”

You make a move to leave but Jaehyun blocks your path.

“Can’t do what?” His voice had dropped and his eyes were practically black as the night. Taken aback from his demeanor, you were unable to respond to him, making him ask again in a raised voice. “Can’t do what, (Y/N)?!”

“Let me go, Jae. I need to go.”

“Go where? Who are you running of to, huh? Doyoung? Taeyong?”

“Why are you dragging Taeyong into this?”

Jaehyun scowls, “I saw you giving his picture a heart eyes react.”

“Oh my god!” You shout, “Do you hear yourself right now? So I liked his new photo because I thought his new hairstyle looked good. He’s our friend, remember? Jaehyun, please, let me leave.”

“And what? Extend our break even more? I don’t think so.” He reaches for your hand, but you move away. “(Y/N).”

“You’re honestly scaring me right now.” You back away until you feel the wall behind you. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Because I love you, (Y/N),” He steps forward, “Everything I do is for you. I have to protect you. If you could only see how other guys look at you, how they would undress you with their eyes–I, I can’t let them disrespect you like that. They need to know that you’re mine and I’m yours.”

“And if you really, really do love me, Jae,” Your eyes tear up, “You would let me leave.”

“No. W-why?” His eyebrows scrunched up in frustration “Do you want to break up?”

You swallow hard, “I’m really scared right now, Jaehyun. Just please give me time to think–”

“Answer me!” He yells, making you flinch in your spot. He traps you against the wall, “Are you thinking about breaking up with me?”

“I don’t feel safe with you right now.” You breathed. Your words were barely audible but they rang like sirens in Jaehyun’s ears.

He steps away from you, the emotions on his face have changed from hostile to defeated. His eyes are wet as they searched around the room for something, and they fell on the full length mirror attached to the bathroom door. Huffing, he takes two large steps towards it and swings as hard as he can.

You shrieked as his fist connected to the mirror, creating a large, cracked web onto it. You had expected him to stop, or at most react to the the pain of the blow, but he repeatedly punched the mirror, smashing chunks of the glass and sending them crashing to the floor.

“Jae, stop!” You yell, but it was as if he couldn’t hear you.

You found yourself grabbing his arms at the first sight of crimson staining the mirror. “Jaehyun!”

“Go away! I don’t want to hurt you,” He spares you a tormented glance. His cheeks were damp from tears already. “I can’t hurt you, so let me–”

He attempts to throw another punch, but you hold him back. Then both of you struggled with one another, until he nudges you away and faces you. “You hate me!” He cries.

You shake your head in denial, but he repeats himself.

“You hate me.”

“I never said that.” You squeaked, staring into his eyes.

“You wanted to break up.” Jaehyun grabs a fistful of his hair as he shuts his eyes.

“I never said that, either.” You quietly admonished, shakily reaching up to wipe his tears.

He had flinched away from your touch at first, snapping his eyes wide open like an injured beast being cornered, but the way you looked at him made him drop his defenses.

“I’m sorry.” He chokes out, sobbing like a little boy and your heart wrenches at the sight. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He repeats over and over until you pull him down, letting his head rest on the crook of your neck. “I can’t lose you, (Y/N). I can’t. I just wanted to protect you.”

“You’re not gonna lose me and you won’t.” You run one of your hands down his back while the other combed through his hair.

He pulls away, tears still flowing down his cheeks, “You’re not leaving me?”

You take in his expression; a mix of pain, anguish, confusion, guilt, and above all that, you see the expression that made you choose him and stay by his side: love.

“I mean, I have to go home sooner or later.” You cock your head, offering him an unsure smile in an endeavour to bring up his mood, and it sort of did. The briefest flash of his dimple with the curl of the corners of his lips told you that you had at least succeeded in making him laugh. “But I can spend the night if you want to.”

“I want you to.” He mumbles and you smile up at him.

“Then I’ll stay the night.” You pull him down until his forehead was touching yours. Playing with the short hairs on his nape, you whisper onto his lips, “I love you.”

A smile finally breaks out onto his face, lighting it up from the solemn mood “I love you, too.”

“Let’s get your hand cleaned up and wrapped, okay?” You kiss his cheek and lead him out the room, careful not to step on any glass shards.

The clock in the living room struck 12 and exhaustion seeped into your system. You were beginning to accept that there was something terribly wrong with your boyfriend’s psychological health. You should have ran away when you had the chance; you should have left when he, himself, told you to. But you remembered his eyes when he spared you a glance. Something in them switched like an on and off button when they were on you in comparison to when he had been punching the wall.

You look over your shoulder and up at Jaehyun, who sniffed as he inspected his bleeding knuckles.

Your friends have always told you how much he doted you.

Up until tonight, you had no idea just how devoted Jaehyun was to you.

devoted 2 part 1

devotee (jaehyun’s pov)

[freedom-of-fanfic]

Christian anon here, & I was dismayed when a recent reblog post stated in regard to Christian sexual morality & I quote "“all sex outside of marriage is evil” . This is at best a very poor interpretation & I apologize to the poster if they have been exposed to this mindset. For us, sex is something very sacred, so sacred that we reserve it to a man & a woman who have, via Matrimony, promised before God & each other to love, honor and mutually obey each other. 1 of 2

Outsideof marriage, it doesn't make sex "evil", but it does make a sin,something we strive to avoid, not always easy because humans are inherentlyflawed and fallible. Sadly, there are far too many Christians caught up in thepurity culture mentality who make a bigger deal out of sexual sin than theyshould about other sins (sins against social justice as a big for instance). Idon't like this mindset either, and thankfully, there are more Christianspushing back against it. 2 of 2

Hi,Christian anon. I understand where you’re coming from because I am alsoChristian (a queer Christian, which makes for an interesting life sometimes).And I agree with pretty much everything you’ve said here regarding a truly Christian perspective on sexoutside of marriage vs the purity culture bullshit (my point of disagreement isthat I think ‘sin’ and ‘evil’ are usually treated as synonymous).  It is, in fact, the least Christian thing inthe world to go around trying to control people’s behavior.  

But. (there’s always a ‘but’ with me.)

I spent a huge chunk of today writing this and cutting it back because it kept turning into a theological dumping ground, which I don’t want it to be. but I’m throwing the majority of this post behind a cut because it’s inevitably sensitive stuff, considering how much pain (and death, tbh) Christianity-as-law-bludgeon has caused.

tl;dr: Christianity and secular law don’t mix well. Whenever it’s tried, things get real hellish real quick for a lot of people. Especially for people who are judged as ‘sexually immoral’. 

(warnings for binary/cisgender language b/c the Bible doesn’t really address being nb or trans in particular.)

In thepost you are responding to, I called the Catholic Church the source ofanti-prostitution law in the United States. I said that it was because the US legislationwas founded on Western Europe legislation, and Western Europe legislation wasfounded on the legislation of the Catholic Church. And to be fair this is aglib and simplistic illustration of cause & effect – for starters, it skipsover Protestantism and the Age of Reason – but I’ll stand by the heart of it.  Laws about sex work – sexual interactions ofany kind between consenting people of age, actually – in Western Europe &the US find likely origin in the inevitably disastrous mixture of Christianityand lawmaking, which originated in the institution of the Catholic Church.

Christianityas an organized religion does not playwell with the power to make law. 

The inevitable product of trying toenforce Christian values via lawmaking is purity culture, authoritarianism, andviolence. This is because human law cannot enforce having moral character: wecan only judge actions and behavior, not thoughts or feelings. We can’t makekindness or uprightness into law: what is kind and upright behavior towards oneperson may be cruelty to another. (Not to say that Christianity is the only religion that mixes poorly with law,but Christians often deny that a religion founded on benevolence andforgiveness can be totalitarian. But the joke is: totalitarian law is no lesstotalitarian because its author wrote it to encourage ‘morality’ and ‘righteousness’.The joke is: God never forces His morals down anyone’s throat, so who are you to do it on His behalf?

I mean: theologicallyspeaking, one of the central tenants of Christianity is that law is insufficientand ill-fitted to guide our complicated, morally gray human existence. To methis seems like a huge giveaway that Christian principles and the law arefundamentally incompatible concepts.)

In its mostmature iterations, Christianity-as-law is

sexist

misogynistic

patronizing

anti-intellectual

controlling to the point of micromanagement via fear and shame

emotionallyabusive and denigrating individual worth

unforgiving of moral failings

hypocritical

judges others by assumptions about their thoughts and motivations

holds peopleto unachievable standards of ‘morality’ without kindness, and

punishes disobedience/noncomplianceviolently and without mercy. 

It takes on God’s role as implacable judge, jury,and executioner, and holds the benevolent forgiveness promised by Jesus hostagein exchange for good behavior. How is the law God supposed to have mercyon you when it’s clear you’ll just abuse that mercy? Prove your worth first. (spoilers: you’ll never be approved.) 

TheCatholic Church, born of Christianity shaking hands with the power to make lawvia Constantine's outreach, is my Exhibit A. at the peak of its legislativeinfluence and power, it severely set back human health, education, and wealthin Europe and West Asia and presided over multiple military excursions into theMiddle East in the name of conquering Jerusalem on God’s behalf (the literalCrusades, yes). 

And I’d argue that this conquering spirit has been Christianity’sAchilles Heel ever since: a thread of shitty, shitty colonialist bullshit,through Anglicanism and Protestantism and Puritanism, that even now is buildingits latest thunderhead in the shape of ‘dominionist’ Christianity here inAmerica (if you are not familiar with it, suffice to say it is a secretive butwell-spread cultish thinking that straightforwardly holds that Christianitymust be legislated into place all over the world or Jesus can’t come back. Youcan’t make this stuff up.)

Bringingit back into to the sex thing, though: the Old Testament has multiple mentionsof laws forbidding sex work, and the New Testament, at least 50% written by theunmarried apostle Paul, has a lot of recommendations about being married toprevent being tempted by sex outside of marriage and the like. Extramarital lustand sexual immorality are also credited with multiple instances ofjump-starting unfortunate Biblical events and described by Paul as the only ‘sinagainst the body’ (1 Corinthians 6). In fact, Paul was kinda ‘eh’ on the wholehaving sex thing in general. In the same verse, he mentions in passing that itwould be better for men to not have sex at all if it’s possible for them.

Christianity-as-law is thus morally obligatedto make sex outside of marriage and anything that tempts people into sexoutside of marriage illegal. It’s the moral thing to do. Sex work has to go. Andbecause Biblical marriage can only be between a (cis) man and a (cis) woman*, same-gendersex has to go too. And extrapolate Paul’s offhand ‘male celibacy is ideal, tbh’into the harshest and narrowest form of lawful judgement that you can and youget ‘anything that makes men want to have sex is clearly dragging (cis) men down fromthe best possible person they could be. (people cis men see as ) women being beautiful makes men wantsex! (perceived) women are bad! Punish women formaking men want sex!’

Is thiswhat God calls for? I don’t think so.But historically speaking, this is what we get when Christians try to take thelegislative reins on God’s behalf.

And it’sfrankly hilarious that supposed Christians are acting as if it’s possible tosave people from their own sin by making sinillegal. When you check in with Jesus on the interaction between God’s lawand secular law, his response is simply ‘follow both’**. He also hung out withsex workers pretty much constantly during his ministry, never condemning them fortheir line of work even though it was explicitly against Jewish law to be a sexworker, because he recognized that human-enforced law – even law laid down byGod – can’t account for all the circumstances of human life or account for thereasons people do things that are, on their face, unlawful. That grace –literally the opposite of law – was kind of the point of his being born in thefirst place.

 *Regardlessof what one’s opinion is about how the Bible defines marriage, that doesn’tmean that secular law has to share that definition. Especially when it createsa religious discrimination against LGBTQ+ people for completely secularmarriage benefits like tax breaks and visitation rights. (that’s the entire pointof this essay, oh my god.)

**ReferencingMark 12:13-17. Jesus also calls out the people asking him for trying to get himin trouble with the Roman authorities.

[missakk]

You said you wouldn't and you fucking did.

I met Mountain View six years ago when our best friends got married. He was so exceptionally handsome that my only thought was, “wow, he’s way too hot for me.” So I spent the rest of the wedding making myself available to another handsome young man and barely spoke to Mountain View. Years later he would tell me that we had danced to “can’t help falling in love with you,” by Elvis Presley, that I had eaten the salmon at the rehearsal dinner, and that when we first stared talking he had thought, “she’s a girl I could marry.” What I do remember about that time was that about a week after the wedding, when I was feeling somewhat dismayed that other guy had not called me, I was struck with a thought that came from absolutely nowhere asking me, “why aren’t you thinking about, Mountain View?” I remember feeling completely puzzled that my subconscious seemed to be asking me a very direct question that I had not been looking for. That was the exact moment that he took root inside my brain. Over the weeks and months that followed he would also take root in my heart. Mountain View lived in Arizona while I lived in Seattle. But he had asked a mutual friend for my phone number and soon he began calling me every day. Every day turned in to multiple-times-a-day, which evolved into hours at time. It didn’t take long before we were best friends and I was in love. In the early days, we spent hours getting to know one another, talking about songs and books that made us think, he played me the guitar and read me poetry over the phone. It was the embarrassing stuff you do when you find yourself innocently and authentically connecting with someone in a new way. But it was also more than sweet nonsense. What we had was real, and we both knew it - hell, even our friends knew it. But the distance meant we were stuck. I was in grad school and he had a job. We were 26 and even when you feel in your core that this love might be real, you’re not really willing to make that leap. So we lived in limbo. For a decade. For a lot of years being in love with Mountain View made me miserable. I was only ever half present for my life and only capable of giving 50% to my relationships with other men. My best friend and love was only present in an intangible way. He was always available to talk and listen and celebrate or console but never actually, physically there or ever really mine. This affected me differently than it did him. I was hurt by having to pretend that my heart wasn’t constantly aching for someone; the ache was consuming. 
In those years I achieved a lot. I traveled a lot. I experienced a whole lot and I grew into someone that I am deeply proud of. But my relationship with Mountain View was like an anchor. It made my life heavy and hard. Every victory was bittersweet because I could only ever describe it to the person I loved most and longed most to share it with. He made me half a person, and one who lived part time in a fantasy. But I was never able to quit him. I don’t intend to make it sound one-sided. In fact in the six years we’ve know one another, and over thousands of hours we’ve spent talking on the phone I have probably only called him half a dozen times. Our relationship was born, grown and maintained by his efforts. He loved me too. Possibly in a bigger way, but he’s always been able to divorce himself from his feelings in a way that I can’t comprehend. He is desperate for my approval and inspired by my words. I’m the voice in his head, the desire in his body and his most beloved fantasy. But being half alive doesn’t affect him like it does me. He lies, constantly. To his assorted girlfriends. To his friends. To me. And mostly to himself. He’s a tragic and toxic figure. A man who is far too old to be so lost and stuck in a life that he never bothered to design. He’s full of contradictions that he can’t see. I’ve told him more than once that he’s a hypocrite – preaching an ideology and never really bothering to try and live up to it. In my more generous moments I remember that he’s also my dearest friend. The person who has seen me fiery and unforgiving and always came back around when the flames died down. He’s the person who listens to my every word, on any subject, and tells me I’m brilliant, even if I’m being embarrassing or silly. He tells me to dream bigger and make plans and he check’s in to ensure I’m on track. He tells me I’m beautiful, and rare and that’s he’s never been in love like this before. He makes me want to change my plans and take his name and focus on loving more and having less. He remembers everything I’ve ever said. He builds his life around my words and he has become as much me as I am. He and I have been ‘us’ for so long that I’m no longer able to remember if I learned it or learned it from him. We know all of each other’s stories and I can predict with incredible accuracy how he will respond to any comment, joke or question. We grew up together and perhaps even more than that, despite distance and time, we grew together. Always together. But what they never tell you is that sometimes all the good does not outweigh the bad. And the love isn’t enough. Sometimes you will lose, and in the losing lose most of yourself. Sometimes the person you love will disappear and so will the promises they made and the plans you had for your life. Sometimes you’ll be left, forced into a lonely reality where you have to learn to be whole all on your own and face very ugly truths about the person who has captivated so much of your time, intention and life. Sometimes you’ll spend a decade building a person and walk away with nothing but scars and a lesson. And sometimes, you’ll wonder if any of it was ever real - if he was sick or you were stupid. You’ll go to bed ill and wake up empty – staring at the world like it’s a place you’ve never seen before. And then the numbness and questions will wear off and you’ll be pissed. Angry in violent and unrelenting ways. You’ll have one-sided fights with yourself in the car, playing out arguments that will never happen. You’ll ache for blood and justice that will never come. The hatred and rage will get you through endless nights and hazy days. And then you’ll take solace in the knowledge that he is paralyzed and stuck – a prisoner in a life he built and was too scared to leave no matter what goodness was promised ahead. And that knowledge will buoy you until another desire creeps in. Motivation. The desire to make meaning and to not stay stuck. You’ll give up the company of anger and sadness and decide to start over. To do all of the things that the two of you had planned and to not waste one more minute feeling half alive. Motivation. She’s a powerful companion.

[everythingyear]

You said you wouldn't, and you fucking did.

I met Mountain View six years ago when our best friends got married. He was so exceptionally handsome that my only thought was, “wow, he’s way too hot for me.” So I spent the rest of the wedding making myself available to another handsome young man and barely spoke to Mountain View. Years later he would tell me that we had danced to “can’t help falling in love with you,” by Elvis Presley, that I had eaten the salmon at the rehearsal dinner, and that when we first stared talking he had thought, “she’s a girl I could marry.”

What I do remember about that time was that about a week after the wedding, when I was feeling somewhat dismayed that other guy had not called me, I was struck with a thought that came from absolutely nowhere asking me, “why aren’t you thinking about, Mountain View?” I remember feeling completely puzzled that my subconscious seemed to be asking me a very direct question that I had not been looking for. That was the exact moment that he took root inside my brain. Over the weeks and months that followed he would also take root in my heart.

Mountain View lived in Arizona while I lived in Seattle. But he had asked a mutual friend for my phone number and soon he began calling me every day.  Every day turned in to multiple-times-a-day, which evolved into hours at time.  It didn’t take long before we were best friends and I was in love. In the early days, we spent hours getting to know one another, talking about songs and books that made us think, he played me the guitar and read me poetry over the phone. It was the embarrassing stuff you do when you find yourself innocently and authentically connecting with someone in a new way. But it was also more than sweet nonsense. What we had was real, and we both knew it - hell, even our friends knew it. But the distance meant we were stuck.  I was in grad school and he had a job.  We were 26 and even when you feel in your core that this love might be real, you’re not really willing to make that leap.  So we lived in limbo. For a decade.

For a lot of years being in love with Mountain View made me miserable.  I was only ever half present for my life and only capable of giving 50% to my relationships with other men. My best friend and love was only present in an intangible way.  He was always available to talk and listen and celebrate or console but never actually, physically there or ever really mine. This affected me differently than it did him. I was hurt by having to pretend that my heart wasn’t constantly aching for someone; the ache was consuming.   In those years I achieved a lot. I traveled a lot. I experienced a whole lot and I grew into someone that I am deeply proud of.  But my relationship with Mountain View was like an anchor.  It made my life heavy and hard.  Every victory was bittersweet because I could only ever describe it to the person I loved most and longed most to share it with. He made me half a person, and one who lived part time in a fantasy. But I was never able to quit him.

I don’t intend to make it sound one-sided. In fact in the six years we’ve know one another, and over thousands of hours we’ve spent talking on the phone I have probably only called him half a dozen times. Our relationship was born, grown and maintained by his efforts. He loved me too. Possibly in a bigger way, but he’s always been able to divorce himself from his feelings in a way that I can’t comprehend. He is desperate for my approval and inspired by my words.  I’m the voice in his head, the desire in his body and his most beloved fantasy. But being half alive doesn’t affect him like it does me.  He lies, constantly.  To his assorted girlfriends. To his friends. To me. And mostly to himself.  He’s a tragic and toxic figure.  A man who is far too old to be so lost and stuck in a life that he never bothered to design. He’s full of contradictions that he can’t see.  I’ve told him more than once that he’s a hypocrite – preaching an ideology and never really bothering to try and live up to it.

In my more generous moments I remember that he’s also my dearest friend. The person who has seen me fiery and unforgiving and always came back around when the flames died down.  He’s the person who listens to my every word, on any subject, and tells me I’m brilliant, even if I’m being embarrassing or silly. He tells me to dream bigger and make plans and he check’s in to ensure I’m on track.  He tells me I’m beautiful, and rare and that’s he’s never been in love like this before. He makes me want to change my plans and take his name and focus on loving more and having less. He remembers everything I’ve ever said.  He builds his life around my words and he has become as much me as I am.  He and I have been ‘us’ for so long that I’m no longer able to remember if I learned it or learned it from him. We know all of each other’s stories and I can predict with incredible accuracy how he will respond to any comment, joke or question. We grew up together and perhaps even more than that, despite distance and time, we grew together.  Always together.

But what they never tell you is that sometimes all the good does not outweigh the bad.  And the love isn’t enough.  Sometimes you will lose, and in the losing lose most of yourself.  Sometimes the person you love will disappear and so will the promises they made and the plans you had for your life.  Sometimes you’ll be left, forced into a lonely reality where you have to learn to be whole all on your own and face very ugly truths about the person who has captivated so much of your time, intention and life. Sometimes you’ll spend a decade building a person and walk away with nothing but scars and a lesson.  And sometimes, you’ll wonder if any of it was ever real - if he was sick or you were stupid. You’ll go to bed ill and wake up empty – staring at the world like it’s a place you’ve never seen before.

And then the numbness and questions will wear off and you’ll be pissed.  Angry in violent and unrelenting ways.  You’ll have one-sided fights with yourself in the car, playing out arguments that will never happen.  You’ll ache for blood and justice that will never come.  The hatred and rage will get you through endless nights and hazy days. And then you’ll take solace in the knowledge that he is paralyzed and stuck – a prisoner in a life he built and was too scared to leave no matter what goodness was promised ahead.  And that knowledge will buoy you until another desire creeps in.  Motivation.  The desire to make meaning and to not stay stuck. You’ll give up the company of anger and sadness and decide to start over. To do all of the things that the two of you had planned and to not waste one more minute feeling half alive.  Motivation. She’s a powerful companion. These are the stories of how I decided to do everything. Try everything. And go on as many adventures as possible.