getsyourheartracing

[seaofreverie]

Sparkstember Day 16: Gratuitous Sax & Senseless Violins (When Do I Get To Sing "My Way")

So, well, what an era this was, right. Comeback of the century! Gratsax just has that certain *something*. It's brilliant! One of the best albums ever made if you ask me. The fully electronic style is so perfect for Sparks and they just do it here like it's nothing and like they've been at it for many years. Of course there's the hiatus that took place in the years before it to keep in mind but even then, this album is a HUGE accomplishment and an incredible standout in a catalog of releases that's already full of standouts of all sorts. And it's definitely a personal standout for me too, thinking about how it's been almost a year since I first heard it really freaks me out! It was such a different time for me I feel like, but many things are also exactly the same as back then. It's weird to feel nostalgic about it now but there's really no better word to describe what this feeling is like exactly.

I think this album is meant for vinyl listening in a way. It just fits it so well!! And it's not just the quality to the sound that it has this way (and I don't mean that it sounds necessarily "better", more like just, different and that somehow complements the music even more), but also the ability to have an actual good view of this wonderful album cover that's among my top favourite Sparks things ever. So cool looking! So funny and memorable! One of the finest instances of the music sounding exactly like what the cover looks like. (and learning that the cover is a homage to a SPECIFIC magazine rather than just tabloids in general, that only made it more amazing because it really does look so alike, stuff like this is really cool to me for whatever reason lol)

Also I like the fact that I bought this silly little "disco" lamp around this time last year, so plugging it in for extra vibes during listening makes it all just kind of perfect. And another thing on the visual aspect of it all: this is such a good era for music videos, they're all SO GOOD! Some of my very big favourites for sure and the My Way video might really be one of the best music videos EVER MADE.

But ok, let's get to the point now. Something that stood out to me right away is that every song here is so unique but they fit together so well anyway (not first instance of such thing happening either). There's really lots of variety! I also remember this album fondly because of how it was the first one I listened to with my parents and when my Sparks obsession truly started to become one of the most noticeable things about me to other people, lol. But finally feeling more free and confident with sharing my favourite things that mean so much to me with others is such a wonderful thing anyway, I'd even argue that it helped me live my life more fully than before! And yeah, it's mostly a remark they (my parents) made, that this album nails the balance between keeping to a certain style and offering something new with each song. It's such a wonderful journey!

Alright, once again getting carried away a bit here even though I had no ideas earlier for what to say today. Highlights time then, which is also a bit of a problem because besides one special favourite this album has no spectacularly outstanding highs or any lows, it's all just equally amazing. But I'll try anyway, as I always do.

Favourite songs (and other highlights):

When Do I Get To Sing "My Way": my parents absolutely love this song and well, I do too. No suprise that it's among their most beloved and well-known songs, it really has it all, and it's one of Ron's very best when it comes to lyrics, without a doubt

Frankly, Scarlett, I Don't Give A Damn: so so atmospheric and special, I really like the vocal filter of sorts that's used here, it's just, so cool sounding all around!!

I Thought I Told You To Wait In The Car: this was my LEAST favourite at first but I grew to really like its unhingedness and the part with all "the CAR!!"s on top of each other is just peak of it all and funny as heck

Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil: one of my favourite of Russell's vocal performances! This one and Scarlett are a bit of a duo to me, both simply beautiful songs

Tsui Hark: I LOVE the sound of this one, the piano plus the synth and the spoken word lyrics make this kind of combo that makes it feel like I've already known this one for years and it's just... always existed (which is a term that will apply to a lot of 21st Sparks material anyway, so, that's something to look forward to)

The Ghost Of Liberace: such a big comfort listen to me, I just love this one, makes me feel so at home!!

Gratuitous Sax & Senseless Violins: shoutout to these too because I feel like they might be easy to overlook as these very brief pieces, but they're that extra element that just, really cements this album as a wonderful whole with something to unify all of it into this package of wonder of all sorts

...And then there's the many bonus tracks also, which I'll just mention briefly since I almost forgot about them and because, yeah. I love them all, but the closest to my heart are Love Can Conquer All, She's An Anchorman, She's Beautiful (So What), Mid-Atlantic & This Angry Young Man (Ain't Angry No More) ((and the RON VOCAL VERSIONS OF THEM)) and Katherine Hepburn (love the whole Christi Haydon EP (and Christi is so cool and awesome I need to say that too today) and I should listen to it more, the Boris The Spider cover is fun as heck also)

And now bonus video for no reason from (almost) a year ago, because again, the nostalgiaaaa. (Back when I didn't have a shelf for my record player yet so it took up half of the space on my desk lol)

[burningcomputerpersona]

Pick a song for each letter of your URL, and then tag that many people! Much thanks to @angelthingy for tagging me <3

Bird, you can fly - Eyemèr Untitled - Knuckle Puck Re-emerging Signs of the Apocalypse - Spanish Love Songs Never Meant - American Football I Was Hiding Under Your Porch Because I Love You - Waterparks Nightmare On Southfield - Action/Adventure Green Squirrel In Pretty Bad Shape - Hot Mulligan Cigarettes & Saints - The Wonder Years Overstepping - Belmont My Life For Hire - A Day To Remember Pints Of Guiness Make You Strong - Against Me! Understanding In A Car Crash - Thursday Thank God It's Friday - Ice Nine Kills Early Sunsets Over Monroeville - My Chemical Romance Right Choice - Can't Swim Paradise Lost, a poem by John Milton - The Used El Niño Considers His Failures - Spanish Love Songs Rationalize - Action/Adventure Sick Of It All - Magnolia Park One Step at a Time - Four Year Strong No Children - The Mountain Goats And Now I'm Nothing - The Wonder Years

Good lord did that take a while to finish... time to start tagging uhhh *counts* twenty-two people now: @sucker-for--anything-acoustic @tradedsymmetry @broke-bruce-wayne @mackie-ds @juliens-bakery @breaking-justin @flashlight-smallknife @cemetery-pigeons @ogbulesky @dysphoria-things @eyemermusic @plainramennoodles @unnervinglyferal @ameliafromafairytale @aiam-maianaise @weirdpinkandmagical @crazyworkswell @kind-wizard @leonidele @thevictorianpirate @mira-kyria @cant-even-spell-my-own-url

Okay I think I tagged like all my mutuals and then some... suffice to say I am sorely regretting my longass username. Anyway these tags are low pressure and open as always, so feel free to join in! (or not, I'm not the cops)

[danphantom]

if ur curious abt the dans that i mentioned here's a post explaining them yippee

split core is an au sort of based in the doppelganger au--its a branch-off of it really--where clockwork wasnt happy with dan's progression and decided to teach him a lesson by splitting his core into the vlad and danny halves--red and green. however, a third core had formed over time--the dark core--and a third dan came out with them who was just the personification of all his bitterness and hatred. they looked like this (and forgive the old art i need to draw them again soon)

and yall know doppelganger dan. hes just the redeemed dan from my doppelganger au/comic lol. he came back for revenge after TUE's events, but he was captured and (forcefully) rehabilitated by the fentons, mostly jazz. then his timeline's vlad showed up thanks to danny and threw him for a loop, but it ended up being what he needed to truly get better! also then later valerie showed up and things got complicated lol. this is him in case youve forgotten

i mentioned "apprentice dan" and that was basically an au where dan was clockwork's apprentice! it was a way for clockwork to look after him without having him interfere with timelines by being part of them. i didnt develop this au a lot, i kind of only had a design and one shitpost comic, but i look back on it fondly. here's the art (also very old now)

and finally, my attempt at a post-agit dan... i settled with just having him be in the clone vessel FOR NOW, because i kinda vibe(d?) with the idea of him being in the vessel to be anchored to the timeline but when he goes ghost he turns into his usual ghost form! here's the vessel design i landed on

i actually just remembered i DO have two more dans from crossover aus i made in the past. how the hell did i forget saiyan dan and phantomborne dan. ESPECIALLY phantomborne dan.

here's saiyan dan first--it was a dragon ball z crossover where jack was a saiyan with amnesia which made danny a half saiyan. i cant remember exactly how i handled dan in this, but i THINK i made dan some time travel situation where he came to the past to make danny an evil saiyan (theyre both half saiyans in the au). this was him

finally...phantomborne. this was my baby au that i was kind of obsessed with for a hot minute so i absolutely cannot believe i forgot about it until now. but it was my bloodborne crossover au where danny was a half beast due to a failed blood transfusion experiment and he could transform at will. dan, however, was a full beast, and he was still danny from the future--there was time travel that i implemented using the au version of clockwork, who kind of acted as a less creepy gehrman with time powers. i think i made him responsible for the reason hunters wake up from the hunter's dream and everything has respawned, like they want back in time??? idk lol. but yeah dan is a full beast in the future bc he was never cured of his beasthood + gave into his beastly urges. he's pretty sick and uses the beast cutter weapon. here's a pic of him with danny

ok i think thats for real all of my dans now thank you for coming to my ted talk and apologies for the longass post. i hope yall had that post cutter thing turned on lol. i know i could have used a readmore but i didnt want to <3

[dmagedgoods]

sorry i really really really want to ramble because my GOD Raphael has me in a chokehold. my christian grandma would probably get an aneurysm if she ever learns the amount of affection i have for a fictional nasty devil man

Raphael always striked me as... i def don't have the needed english vocab for this, but, yk, nudging? hinting? suggesting rather than forthcoming? a cat seeing the rodent go into its hiding place and simply waiting near it rather than pushing its paw inside. a cat staring at it's human when they cook rather than trying to steal the food bits by itself. yk????

he nudges us in the right direction, he knows one way or another we'll do what he wants us to do and so he waits and plays around rather than straight up DEMANDING we do something. he only goes yeah yeah so and so its YOUUUR choice yes YOUR CHOICE..... its like that thing he said with Mol, what was it? "to choose the only option she has left"

and i think in a romance it would be very much the same, in situations. i imagine if he goes in for a kiss, he... well, he won't *go in* for it necessarily. he'll move in just enough for OUR mind to think of it, then patiently wait for US to make the first move, and goddamn it I'm pouncing onto him alright!!! it reminds me of a post i saw a longass time ago about how flirting is basically saying horny/affectionate stuff but also having enough deniability to say "oh,no, thats not what i meant at all". and he's literally the personalization of that.

"did... you flirt with me?" "take it as you will, little mouse, all i wanted to say is [explains in still a vaguely flirty manner lmfao]"

and that opens up, like... how would he be when he's not patient enough??? if his patience is JUST running thin he'll probably pull us closer yeah but make it not too obvious and more almost like how you pull in a dance partner. he can't let us know he NEEDS to kiss us, hmmm? and when his patience is gone for sure i can definitely imagine him just straight up grabbing us tbh. you didn't give the cat enough attention so get ready to be clawed at until you give it a VERY MUCH DESERVED treat you ungrateful human

(cat-coded raphael believers unite)

so so so sorry to drop all this text on you i--- 💀

🏃🏼🏃🏼🏃🏼🏃🏼🏃🏼

Anon, you stay right where you are! Don’t you dare and run away! [Guards, close the gates!] I'm being silly omg, don't mind me. But never apologize for coming at me with Raphael thoughts, I love this so, so much! 💕 Also I wholeheartedly agree! Raphael definitely is an observer who likes to tempt action and then see it unfold, curious for the direction it will go. The comparison to a waiting cat really fits! After all, isn’t it that much more satisfying if the food is brought to you instead of taking it yourself? 😌 "To choose the only option she has left", that’s quite classical devil behavior if you ask me. - Making the deal with him appear like the last resort. Maybe moving a few things into place here and there, but ultimately just offering a solution in desperate times of need. Omg, I wondered about this so much, anon! Because yes! True! Raphael has time and I even think it will take him a while to come to terms with his own feelings (those feelings he shouldn’t have as a devil). The “tempt then wait and see” behavior plays into this perfectly and gives him the chance to declare it a mere game he enjoys. I imagined a scene where Tav or Durge teases him and he can’t resist anymore, loses his patience, and kisses them with demanding passion. But oh, I really, really like your idea too. Maybe even more, since you are right, that’s such a him thing to do. Offering, preparing “the deal” but it’s Tav/Durge who needs to sign it by claiming those tempting lips for a kiss. Or well, why not combine it: Tav/Durge teasing him, Raphael losing his patience (we all know he struggles with self-control when confronted in well-aimed manners), but stopping himself from the last step, his fierce need so very obvious and still holding himself back, because as you write: He can’t let them know he is internally shaking with desire and yearning for them. And the way I imagine him to flirt is quite similar to this, indeed. Sometimes just teasing or some flattery, sometimes lewd like the liquor in bellybutton line, but he has this suave demeanor that always creates a bit of distance and allows his prey to take a step backward if they are not willing to go there (yet). Tav/Durge needs to be quite courageous to get that next step from him. Of course, Catphael Raphael has to make it hard for them, probably because he enjoys it but maybe also because he’s not quite sure how to deal with it all himself. His usual duality of hidden insecurities and egomaniacal pride we love him for.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Longass Crop Circles Notes (for Lately, I've Been Thinking and I Don't Think I've Changed Chapter One

Finally delivered to @spicymiilk our king. My apologies that these longass notes are not as detailed as last time. I shall endeavor to get more detailed as I read more of the fic. I will post my rage thoughts on chapter eight of for the nights and days of life by @mochalottie tomorrow though, and that shit will be novel length. Anyways:

Lately, I've Been Thinking:

-Me when Andrei says Spider will have a bad time: but does he ever have a good time for you??

-NORM CONTENT. *airhorn blares*

-I gotta love the tragic Shameless vibes you bring into my Spider fics, man. 

-Retweet, Spider, we all hate men. We are all scared of men. 

-Rip Paz, the fandom tries to tell me you weren’t a bitch but I don’t buy it. You totally were. Justice for Trudy, who was way cooler.

-Wait, did Spider do drugs too? The needles are around his bed? Or did he steal his moms bed?

-Lol, Paz is in and out, there is SO MUCH Shameless in this story. You can't hide from me, bastard.

-YESS, THE FAST FOOD AU. 

-Also, Andrei, what is it about beating the natural joy and zest for life out of Spider that gets u off?

-Neteyam will lOVE fixing this guy tho. Spider is his wet dream at this point. 

-I actually know a kid in my grade who was placed with one of my family friends when he was seventeen, he is fantastic. He’s the oldest of like, seven kids and the littlest ones go to the elementary school I work at now. My mom works there too and she always says you can tell when this kid is home because the little ones are showered and on time, and he takes them to get haircuts and stuff. He used to walk 45 minutes to work every day. He’s a great guy but he doesn’t stay. He doesn’t let them drag him down. :/

-Spider, on the brink of death, unloved and abused and neglected, dirty and with one single tangle of hair: hi

Neteyam: that is my soulmate. 

I Don't Think I've Changed Chapter One:

-WHATS YOUR DAMAGE THE FIC? That’s the one line I quote more from any other type of media. Every day I go “WHAT IS YOUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMA??” 

-N E T E Y A M VS SELF ESTEEM. MAN MANAGES TO HATE HIMSELF EVEN IN THE FACE OF SPIDER. 

-Also the fear I felt when I saw Miles and Norm are best friends actually, I’m comforting myself like “no no, he meant Spider it’s okay.”

-The hilarity of getting rid of Lo’ak and Kiri who are the canonically closest to Spider and leaving us with Tuk and Neteyam and Jeytiri. That excited me lITERALLY SO MUCH. The fast food au did start with only Tuk and Neteyam, and that’s juicy. We are forced to develop and explore relationships that are underdeveloped in canon and are harder to justify as instant sparks. You took away his natural in canon support systems so he has to learn to develop even faster with the other Sully's and that is a banger idea.

-W H E E L C H A I R J A K E. God I love wheelchair Jake aus, I love making them positive because I don’t like the way the first movie just fixed his disability. Give me Jake Sully being a positive disabled male father figure in his kids lives, just as present and happy and in love with his wife while paralyzed then he would be with mobility. What creative stuff has changed in their lives to accomidate? I need to know.

-Delighted by this Neytiri pov, my god. I feel like less people than I need in my life just let Neytiri have no bad blood at all with Spider in modern aus. She would be all over a neglected child.

-GET THE STICKY TOYS, thats so cute. And useful, I need him to get the magnets some kids got stuck to the ceiling in the gym at my work.

-Tuk is already bullying Neteyam about liking Spider and he isn’t even there yet. I’m lOVING the little bits of the fast food au I spot. She is going to be a menace. And clearly Neteyam is a lovesick clown.

-He is indeed about to get the shit loved out of him, and that is what every Spider Sully writer says before writing their fic. 

-WHAT DID THE MCCOSKERS DO SPIDER, NORM SHOULD KNOW, THEN HE WON’T PLACE OTHER KIDS WITH THEM BUDDY.

-Love the descriptions of how Spider feels when Norm’s body relaxes, just noting the way he backs off. So specific and accurate to any abused child. That tension and hypersensitivity to anyone's emotions, even people you implicitly trust, like never goes away.

-Norm thinking someone didn’t let Spider pee in the bathroom is so tragic and funny I feel bad for laughing. 

-Spider: heart palpitations upon seeing Neteyam

Spider: NORM YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE WINGMANNING ME?

I am picturing Norm and Tuk in the back of a Burger King setting up an elaborate plan while Neteyam sighs and watches Spider from a booth while writing Neteyam Socorro on all of his notebooks.

-i am cACKLING. You’ve never seen rizz as strong or as intense as “MILES??” and “WHOS THAT? WHAT’S SCHOOL, I DON’T KNWO WHAT THAT IS?” Their dumb clown asses belong together.

-In all seriousness though, I can't imagine how humiliating it would feel to Spider to know some random acquaintance at school was now privy to all your personal problems and business.

-I want to know how often Neteyam frequents the local Burger King. He's probably so embarrassed at how ready he was to big brother this kid. He's gonna be like "looking hot today, uh, I mean, did you need help with your homework champ???"

-This is now like To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, Neteyam can call Kiri and Lo’ak on the phone and gossip about boy problems

-JAKE INTRODUCING HIMSELF AS A MILITARY MAN TO EVERY CHILD THAT GETS BROUGHT INTO THEIR HOUSE, NO ONE VETOED THAT SHIT?? Kiri hasn't been like "sTOP TELLING EVERYONE YOU LOVE THE MILITARY, YOU ARE EMBARASSING US."

-Also wow does Norm not know Spider’s dad was former military and he way not vibe with that at all?

-The way that Neteyam is still stalking Spider at McDonalds Or Burger King we can’t be sure. The mention of both places has sent me to space because it makes it seem like Spider used to work at McDonalds and then switched to Burger King and deeply obsessed stalker Neteyam Sully switched establishments to frequent.

-Spider’s fear of Tuk is hilarious and deeply sad, that is your bestie. 

-I LOVE love the idea of Kiri and Neteyam watching video essays. I love video essays, I wish my brothers did gOD. Also love a late night owl Neteyam head canon.

-Spider really is a wet rat. Have you ever actually seen a wet rat? The saying is so accurate. Kid was fed properly for the first time in years and then it killed him. Love kills Spider at first, as we have learned from all Spider Sully fics. He's like a dog eating chocolate, it's good, but at what cost.

[mlnchan]

i'd like to give my two cents about this whole messed situation so please forgive me for my longass rant - i'm the first person that's disappointed with this single - bc of who it involves, but also because it's not an artistic direction that i'm liking (mediocre pop music, remixes, radioplay just for money and western validation)

i'm very aware skz are grownass adults who at least have an idea of what's going on in palestine, but despite that, and assuming the fact that they are not zionists and actually care about palestine at least a bit, tbh i don't think that even if they wanted to they could say something - i mean jype literally have forbidden chan to go live for a year bc of some twitter drama, and now felix hasn't done a live in over month since he apologized for showing coca cola and in the end they're kinda forced to tell stays to listen to the song cause that's literally part of their job

and sure they are probably genuinely happy with the collab, but that doesn't mean they agree with personal/political ideas of the artists they like or collaborating with, or that they do not care about palestine, or that they don't want to say something - there's still a legal contract and as much as skz are not slaves, they are definitely not free to say or do whatever they want and if chan can't get a tattoo why could he speak out about politics? (yes, genocide and settler colonialism shouldn't be politics but in our world they sadly are or they wouldn't exist in the first place)

i mean i've seen people saying that on instagram skz are free to post what they want but i honestly think that's not completely true bc no celebrity in the world is free to post or say whatever they want, celebrities literally have professionals to help them with their image (and even the ones who speak about political things they still have professionals behind them monitoring the situation) and with how they appear to the general public, so while for most stuff yes it's probably is a genuine act from skz, social medias and what the kids say can be forced and used as "distraction" or to "downplay" (we've seen multiple times the kids going live in the exact moment the fans were trending on twitter bc were disappointed and angry at the company's action)

we've seen how jype do not care about the kids health and reputation (they overwork skz, they did nothing when "fans" were threatening to show up at fansigns to literally harm the members or when trucks with insults were placed in front of the company) and especially how they only care about the money so i seriously think that since that company is seeing how most fans are streaming the song and how this song was literally only made for the usa and at the same time jype is seeing how a lot of fans are definitely not happy with this shit they're trying to to make seem skz are on the board with the song (whether they actually are or not), from posting selfies to saying positive stuff about the collab - that's literally marketing and for the company in this situation it's the best solution to keep earning the cash while trying to change fans' opinions who do not agree with this

i'm not trying to make any excuses for anyone here bc skz are not some children or hermits who do not have internet access to at least stays telling them to do better (and even in the impossibile case they do not, jype definitely knows) - but at the same time i think we forget how well crafted celebrities' actions and words especially during controversies can be. i mean i've only spoken from a greedy-company-who-only-want-money point of view to try to get a sense of what the fuck is happening - which is something that i obviously hate. so yeah sure seeing how fans (who atp don't care about people lives, even skz reputation or music and it's quality), jype and therefore skz are reacting and handling the situation (promoting the song than any comeback they made) is disappointing to say the least ffs

I'll add a cut to shorten it a bit for everyone's tl ⛷️

Don't apologize, I don't mind it all, you're welcome to rant anytime!

I think I've said this today already but I agree that this is a jype/rr doing and skz didn't pick these producers themselves, they're either work for rr or work with charlie, and I don't think skz knew how problematic puth is. I understand they can't openly say what they think and I don't expect them to, but I highly doubt anyone is forcing them to post selfies with puth or talk about him on bbl. I'm sure there are things they can't post but in this case it doesn't seem like anyone is making them post all that. As a fan it's just disheartening to see this situation unfold. I don't think they are bad people or that this collab says anything about their own values, but I don't want to completely absolve them of any responsibility yk

As for their artistic directon, I just hope it's a one off thing for this collab and for the actual upcoming album everything will go back to normal, I know now everyone releases millions of remixes to chart and its kind of rules of the game, but there are artists who do it creatively, like realising extending versions or skz with la4 rock version. Basically those types of remixes don't feel forced and insincere. Also this song sounds just like a puth song and nothing else, hopefully we won't see more of this on their actual album 🥱

[fushiglow]

Me: 'aw no i shouldnt read a fic set in the music industry, it'll get me sad about abandoning my own dreams; nope nuhuh, apologies, moving on' -> fast forward a few weeks -> i see ur fic pop up every now n then on both ao3 n tmblr, tempting me to read it -> fast forward again, it's tday -> i end up caving in eventually when i see it on my dash again; checked out the first chapter while having lunch earlier. Got H o o k e d by ur narrative. And so i inhaled two more chaptrs a sec ago while commuting back home aaaaand lil old me proceeded to be WILDLY inspired by ch4 shenanigans and immediately i >Needed< to relisten to the Liszt performance, seeing it anew yet again, and then also dug up some soundtracks i made once upon a time when id been fooling around w the idea of expressing myself thru music -> fast forward again, im home now, n getting all giddy ab it, cheeks flushed n feeling alive, i tell u - im about to dust my piano n just smash at the keys for the till-now-abandoned fun of it, first time in forever. (It won't be good, but it'll be real, it'll be me.) I just. I feel the raw emotion in your fic and it made my heart pound while reading it. You >get it< jfc. (Also satosugu n others work So Well in ur story, so in character, u make it look so natural, as if jjk had always been ab music production and not a grimdark shounen). I only just finished the 4th chapter and im not caught up yet, but i couldnt have waited to tell u my thoughts so. There goes!! ((Also even months later im still deeply wounded by canon so i feel like im irrevocably dysregulated when it comes to engaging w satosugu haha, apologies if i come off strong. U just combined two passions of mine into one fic and im feeling So Fucking Grateful i wanna kiss u on the forehead and bless u for seven generations forward. Again - i havent yet finished what u've already dished out (bless ur soul for posting ur work holyhell) so ima come back when i have more unhinged thoughts as i read. Your writing is so On Point i can't contain myself (my heart is singing w joy because when i connect w the writing style i connect HARD. And lemme tell u, your style is both intense and light and professional and that's my fav combo, ima go n cry over my piano now bye. Until next time, ily sm) (also sorry about this longass ask, it was meant to be a oneliner but it got away from me bc.. Emotions, damn) -royce

Oh... Um...

Excuse me while I fucking cry over MY piano, what the actual fuck 😭 I think this is the biggest compliment I could possibly receive, you have NO FUCKING IDEA how happy it makes me to read that my fic inspired you to sit down at the piano again, holy shit???

cheeks flushed n feeling alive, i tell u - im about to dust my piano n just smash at the keys for the till-now-abandoned fun of it, first time in forever. (It won't be good, but it'll be real, it'll be me.)

I am sobbing and kicking my feet all at once at this image, I love you I love you I love you. Please tell me, how did it go?? Did you have fun? Did it feel good? God, I hope it did!!! 😭

I started writing this fic to heal some of my own hurt about leaving a career in music behind, so I'm writing this for people like you and me. You're my ideal reader and you couldn't POSSIBLY come off too strong. PLEASE come back with your unhinged thoughts, I will gladly scream with you about this — in fact, I'm desperate to do exactly that!

Royce, you're everything. Thank you so much for all your lovely words about my writing too, this soothes all of my doubts about deciding to post something so deeply self-indulgent all those months ago. This is for YOU 🫶

as if jjk had always been ab music production and not a grimdark shounen

Also, what do you mean? That's what it's about, isn't it? 👀

[feekins]

hoo boy, ch 8. okay. I've got tea steeping. I've got a comfy throw blanket. I have my cat on standby, bc...honestly idr how I reacted the first time I read this almost 20 years ago. all I know is that a lot of things flew over my head at that age, so it should be uh. interesting. to see what I get out of it as an adult.

so yeah - my thoughts and things as I re-read ch8 of Trigun vol 2.

I'M NOT NERVOUS. YOU'RE NERVOUS. 🫣

(NOTE: I'm reading the Dark Horse [physical] and the Overhaul [online] translations side-by-side)

ok so uh. this is gonna be a longass post. no joke, I took reference pics of almost every single page of this chapter, but thanks to the 10-image limit...well. we'll see how this goes.

on the very first page, we have some context-changing translation discrepancies.

in Dark Horse, we've got:

WOLFWOOD: "I got a bad feeling...about these guys." (referring to the dudes he beat up when they tried to jump him as he walked into the church in the last chapter)

LEGATO: "How rude. How else do you expect to be treated when you suddenly trespass?"

meanwhile, the Overhaul has something much more informative, once again:

WOLFWOOD: "Who are these idiots? The Roderick slavers?"

LEGATO: "My apologies... I just needed to show late arrivals who they are dealing with."

then, on the next page, we see that Legato and Wolfwood haven't met before (which was something I was wondering about last chapter). they only recognize each other by physical descriptors (Wolfwood's cross, Legato's skull and torture device).

(Dark Horse on top, Overhaul on bottom)

again, the Overhaul is more informative. and the panel right after this one...Vash looks so exhausted 🥺

there's also a difference in Dominique's last words to Vash a few pages later. Dark Horse has her saying, in reference to Legato "No one stands up to that man. Do you think he'd help me after I've failed?" meanwhile, the Overhaul has "If I can't be of service to him...then there is only one way this can turn out."

and then, she jumps :( Dominique remains one of my fav GHGs... it would be nice to see her return (she's on Wanted posters!!!) in tristamp, but. in any case. I lov her. and I'd love to learn more about her 🥺

Vash passes out right as Dominique's falling, and my younger self always thought that was weird? but their fight was a LOT more taxing than it first appeared, at least to me. we see proof of this later in the chapter.

some little translation discrepancies here. Midvalley's line in Dark Horse always kinda confused me. ty, Overhaul, for clarifying so much! oh, and Legato's last line here - for some reason I always thought he was talking about Vash? but now I realize he's talking about KNIVES. that's not translation-induced confusion, tho - just me being A Silly Lil Guy again, I guess 🤪

oh, and I didn't point it out in the last chapter, but...there's something striking about there being a church right at the top of Jeneora Rock. I can't explain why. it's just...something that rly sticks out or seems important to me.

OH, BUT THEN!!!

IT'S THE DOCTAAAAAAAAAand that's all the screaming I'll do about him for now 🤭

again, the Overhaul's translation is more informative, explicitly mentioning Knives' injuries, but idk. maybe I'm nitpicking. whateverrrrr, me likey additional info =u=

now...we get into the heavier topics.

their plan for resurrecting Knives is. disturbing. to say the least. you've got the physical horror, which was what most struck me when I was a teenager...but what gets me now is the violation/exploitation/stripping of agency from another plant for personal gain/survival...of which humans are guilty...but this time, it's all in the name of The Big Bad Human-Hater. and so, right when we finally get to meet him in the flesh, the narrative shows how, Plant Shenanigans aside, Knives...really isn't all that different from the humans he so hates. he perpetuates the exact. same. shit. the cognitive dissonance, man... 😣

more Dark Horse-induced confusion the Overhaul's cleared up for me

then, at the bottom of the page, where Wolfwood's grousing, Dark Horse has him saying "Shit! What the hell was with all th' training?!" (another line that always confused me) whereas the Overhaul has "Shit! What the hell am I doin'?!"

and that leads me into the next thing I wanted to note: it's here that we see Wolfwood is a man stuck between a rock and a hard place. he gets frustrated with it, doesn't want to do it, but he fully believes he can't get out of it :(

I also want to note a difference between the manga and tristamp - manga Vash is able to sense Knives the moment he's resurrected, whereas tristamp Vash is only aware of Knives' presence when the diner piano starts playing (ep 3). it's an interesting difference!

but then, there's fking...

...this. immediately after Knives is reborn.

I didn't think anything of it as a teen. but now...initially, I was horrified, thinking "oh shit, oh fuck, what the hell is he doing to his 'mother' now" BUT. looking at it a second time, I think I get what the context is telling us. on the previous page, there's Knives WITH HIS 'MOTHER' UNDERFOOT. on the panel immediately below the one I've shown, there's an explosion. so. I think what's going on here is that Knives is using his plant abilities to bust out - which still isn't great, most likely killing his 'mother' in the process...but unfortunately, considering who this is, it tracks;;;;;;

(Dark Horse on left, Overhaul on right)

so much more urgency comes through in the Overhaul's translation here - "...I NEED to face him. I have to END this!"

we also get a lot more out of the Overhaul on the next page, when Vash is talking about his memory loss. both translations start with Vash saying "Everything on the other side is blank..." but whereas Dark Horse has him continue with "Where there is no memory, I must go to fill in the void..." the Overhaul has "I lost all memory of what I've done. All that was left with me was a void and a memory of a mountain of rubble."

then, when Vash gets to Knives and points his gun at him...Knives' absolutely deranged reaction, which I found funny as a teen, now just. gives me the chills. as does how tristamp drew directly from this exchange for their meeting in that diner.

aaaaand we have some translation weirdness after Knives sees Vash's scars and is all "Vash y u no learn?!" Dark Horse then misattributes 2 speech bubbles in a panel with Vash, instead having Knives say:

KNIVES: "If you keep count, you've hurt so many more than you've killed. And compare that to all the destruction you've caused..."

KNIVES (next panel, speech bubbles are his): "So, shouldn't you...point that thing somewhere else?"

the Overhaul is, once again, a lot more clear here:

VASH (in reference to his scars): "They're nothing compared to the burden of death and destruction you've put on me! You're gonna pay for your sins, you monster!"

KNIVES: "Considering what you did with that right arm of yours...shouldn't you be pointing that gun somewhere else then?"

I believe that's what we call gaslighting? and the victim blaming Knives does over and over is... 😬

more translation weirdness. no comment here - I've been working on this post for literal hours now igkhddkhdjg

...no translation weirdness here - just wanted to note...I didn't get this part as a teen. now, I do... 😟

and both translations of the first thing Knives says to Vash after forcing him to bring out the angel arm now strike me as. so messed up. part of the SA/noncon allegory...

KNIVES (Dark Horse): "Well?! How do you like it, Vash?"

VS

KNIVES (Overhaul): "How is it?! How does it feel, Vash?!"

and then, right before it fires? for some reason, Dark Horse completely leaves out what Vash says/thinks immediately after Rem's name. before the Overhaul, I had no idea that this bit was a thing: "...we were no good...right from the start." 😭

now here. have an Emotional Support Charlie. she slept beside me the whole damn time I wrote this post 💕

[set-phasers-to-whump]

Day 7: Post a link to your favorite whump fic of all time (or reblog it and/or make a list of them!)

ok i decided to limit myself to just 10 of my all time favorite whump fics. these are ones that i return to all the time, that i reread whenever i'm having a bad day, you know the vibe. all of them are very dear to me and i hope someone else will enjoy them too!!! i'll put them under a readmore since this got a bit long :)

Caged by Cargo - 911. Cargo is one of my absolute favorite writers and i've been in love with this fic for a longass time. the emotions and caretaking are absolutely top tier, and there's a lovely blend of emotional and physical whump. summary: "As Eddie stands in his kitchen after returning home from tonight's fight, he finally cracks. He starts falling apart and he knows there's only one person in the entire world he trusts to pick up the pieces. It's why he's dialling Buck's number before he even knows he has his phone in his hands."

Bloodshot Soul by OrionLady - bourne series. this one straight up has made me cry i can't even lie. it's a beautiful and very genuine exploration of the characters and the emotional whump is wonderfully painful. summary: "He cannot fathom why a crusty old skipper would care so much about a strange John Doe he fished out of the water, why he would smile and touch his shoulder and feed him pie. Then again, there are many things he doesn’t understand yet. The closer he and Giancarlo get, the less he wants to remember. An exploration into Jason and Giancarlo’s friendship during his two weeks aboard the fishing trawler."

In The Shadows of The Night by MissCrazyWriter321 - grimm. this fic is thee one that i turn to whenever i'm feeling sad. i love nick and rosalee's dynamic and this fic lets nick break down while keeping both of them perfectly in character. i'm absolutely obsessed with it. summary: "A board creeks beneath her foot, and he startles, but calms quickly when he sees her. “Sorry,” she murmurs. “I hope I didn’t wake you.” Obviously she didn’t, but she needs to be careful how she handles this. If she pushes too hard, he’ll just end up shutting down."

Eggs Two Ways by leslielol - law and order svu. something about the writing style in this one absolutely captivates me. like, there was a period of time where i straight up read this fic once a week and i'm not kidding. they're both super in character and it's a delightful read! summary: "It’s not often Barba has a reason to exercise a set of skills separate from those as a prosecutor. While sat in a holding cell nursing a broken nose, Carisi learns he’s as sharp as ever. (A missing-scene fic from 16x15 “Undercover Mother.”)"

Breaking all the things I'd wish to keep and Can't erase, can't rewind by Elisexyz - the man from uncle. ok yeah this is technically two. sue me. ely is like, my favorite fic author ever and i love all of her tmfu stuff, but these two hold a special place in my heart and make me go absolutely crazy every time (they go together btw). if you're into tmfu and for some reason haven't read her fics then uhh. get on that right now bc she's amazing. summary: "Napoleon maintains that attempted murder cannot be classified as an "accident"."// "“I didn’t think it was him.”"

the moon points to the sun by haloud - roswell new mexico. this fic has been making me insane for literal years. it's emotional whump and has a somewhat different vibe to the other fics on this list, but i absolutely adore it. this writer understands the characters so well and their style is absolutely incredible. top tier fic right here. summary: "They don't do apologies, Max and Michael. If they started, they'd never stop."

No Rules, No Winners by April_Valentine - person of interest. this is one of those times where you watch something and you're like 'man i wish they'd addressed this pain in the show' and then you find the absolute perfect fic that does address it. it's so tender and lovely and exactly what the episode was missing. summary: "Set just before the tag of "Baby Blue." After leaving Moretti's safe house, Reese goes back to the library."

The Car Accident by Tipper - sneaky pete. another one i've been obsessed with for literal years. it's on the longer side but it's so good, wonderful family dynamics and a really excellent storyline. summary: "After Julia found out who he was, all Marius wanted was one more Sunday night dinner with the family. It was a mistake. The trusting way they looked at him, the uncertain way she looked at him.... He left early, afraid to sink any deeper. The black truck came out of nowhere as he drove away..."

Too Hot (Hot Damn) by WasteTimeandType - the man from uncle. i loveee some heat exhaustion fics and this one is so good! i reread it recently when i was sick and miserable and seeing illya much more sick and miserable than i was really made me feel better lol. summary: "'Out of all the UNCLE missions, this was by far the worst. He’d been shot, stabbed, tortured with water and forced to run miles in a forest in the middle of Canada. All of that was preferable to this. The damn heat.' Illya suffers from heat exhaustion and Gaby and Napoleon take care of him. Kink Meme fill."

A Little Tender Care by ArgylePirateWD - person of interest. this one's a sickfic, i read it before i actually started watching the show and absolutely adored it, and i still adore it now. true to the title, it's super tender and soft and it's a really sweet read. summary: "The Man in the Suit doesn't usually take sick days. Usually."

and that's 10!! this is far from a complete list of all the fics i adore, but these are the first 10 (or 11) that i knew i needed to rec. if anyone wants more recs, lmk, i've got tons :)

[darling--angst]

I'm changing my schedule again... My vacation classes starts this May 30th for two days in a week, so it will interrupt my posting schedule... I'm working as a YT content creator too, so it will be hard to post.. Maybe I'll upload once or twice each week but it isn't promised.

I'm currently working on a longass oneshot for Nikolai so I guess that's a way for an apology?

[georgevilliers]

Tessa Virtue

Life Path: 22

Birth Day Number: 17

First Period Cycle: 5

First Pinnacle Cycle: 4

Challenges: 3, 1, 2, 4

Destiny/Expression: 7

Soul Urge/Heart Desire: 7

Personality: 9

Hidden Passion: 1

Karmic Lessons: 7 and 8

Balance: 2

Life Path 22: The Master Builder

Life Path 22 is what we call a Master Life Path. It is a powerful combination of life paths 4 and 11 and therefore can cause a lot of confusion but harness a lot of potential. They have an an uncanny spiritual connection and can apply metaphysical knowledge to daily life. Their intuitive nature can find the very best, or the very worst, in every person. They feel an innate connection to the stars and often find themselves getting lost while stargazing. We all know we come from star stuff, but they feel it more intensely than the rest of us. 22′s fear failure, as the burden of potential they bear is large, and they require a lot of support from the people in their life. They are not just the dreamers of dreams, they are facilitators of greatness. They have the intuitive insights of life path 11, combined with the practical nature of life path 4. Their thoughts hold incredible power, and likely always come true. Success of the 22′s can be delicate as it exists by the virtue of their dreams and visions. They can be romantic, but often times impersonal. They are often more focused on their dreams. 22 can be seen as the most promising number, they have great ambition, are a great supporter and steady partner in relationships, and offer sound advice and emotional support.  They are practical, do not suffer from flights of fancy, and while they can be unconventional in thoughts and actions they are good at translating that to appear traditional.  22′s are excellent leaders. They have the vision, the intuition, the business and political sense, and common sense, in order to accomplish their larger than life dreams and ambitions. In alignment, a 22 is dependable, stable, productive, loyal, trustworthy, and hardworking. Out of alignment, they can be rigid, bossy, blunt, fearful of taking risks, unorganized, careless, think too small, and overwhelmed.

Crystals: clear quartz, green tourmaline

Planet: Pluto

Zodiac: Scorpio

Tarot Card: The Fool

Key Meditation Words: attainment, integration, prosperity, completeness, peace, limitless potential

Birth Day: 17

17′s are highly ambitious, blessed with business and financial instincts. Their approach to business is creative and daring. They are highly independent, and an excellent manager and organizer. They are highly gifted in their ability to see the larger picture, and how small details come into play. This makes them highly effective at handling large projects.

First Period Cycle: 5

A 5′s first period cycle involves a lot of change, freedom, and travel. They have a flair for successfully promoting themselves. They will visit many foreign places and encounter many new ideas and people. Seek change and take ahold of new opportunities. 

First Pinnacle Cycle: 4

This pinnacle cycle consists of hard work and many rewards. They have the opportunity to build a strong foundation that will last. They are dependable and reliable. 

Challenges: 3, 1, 2, 4

First challenge 3: They are their own worst critic. They suppress their individuality and creativity because of self-doubt. They are far harder on themselves than anyone else in their life is, so they tend to play it safe by not expressing deep emotions and indulging in superficialities. They can feel lonely, and fear social interaction. They should seek out a creative output, like drawing, dance, singing etc. The crux of this challenge is to bring out the true self. They must learn to value their creative talents above judgement of others, and undergo a process of individuation. 

Second challenge 1: They must learn to be independent. They will be forced to stand up for themselves and their rights, and face situations in which they will have to choose between doing what is right, and doing something to please someone else. They will learn to be firm and trust their judgement, not to run with the crowd but be an individual. They will experience much trial and error, and can sometimes include bursts of anger, or suppressed anger and emotion until they are acting on their deepest instincts. They will learn their own set of values, and develop individual and original ideas. Because Tessa has a Hidden Passion of 1, this challenge will not be a difficult one for her.

Third, main, challenge 2: They are overly sensitive and too aware of others’ expectations. They can suppress themselves to avoid being too conspicuous,and too self-conscious. Hypersensitivity can cause fear, timidity, and lack of self-confidence. Little things can become disproportionately difficult to overcome and can be paralyzing, jealousy can cause pain and misunderstanding. These things stem from positive parts of their life path, such as awareness and intuition, but have become twisted into overwhelming negatives.

Fourth challenge 4: This challenge is all about learning to organize and prioritize, be persistent and persevere. Because Tessa has mainly odd numbers, this might be a hard lesson to learn (but perhaps she has already done so)

Destiny/Expression 7

Spiritual, intelligent, analytical, focused, introspective, studious, intuitive, knowledgeable, contemplative, serious, persevering, refined, gracious. They are driven by a desire for knowledge and truth, and possess a considerable amount of perspective. They need time to be by themselves, too much social interaction can cause stress and they need privacy. They tend to dislike mundane things, and can be judgemental towards others and their lack of depth of knowledge. This can lead to them being cut off from society. It would be better for them to spend their time in an educating role, by spreading their love of knowledge. They are perfectionists, and can be distant and aloof.  

Soul Urge/Heart Desire 7

They love knowledge and insight. They value the gifts of their mind, and abhor shallow opinions and judgements. They have a natural gift for analysis and research, and once they have grasped the basics of a topic, have no problem diving deep into the issue and thinking theoretically or philosophically about it. They can be introverted, and a life of a hermit or monk engaged in a life of study appeals. In relationships, they may prefer things impersonal. They prefer facts over feelings and may distrust their own and others’ emotions. The unpredictability of the heart can surprise or frighten them and their rationality. They do crave love, and it takes a lot of trust for them to be able to trust someone with their heart. Resisting the urge to become a hermit, and instead embracing society and sharing their gift of knowledge can be a much more fulfilling life.

Personality 9

9′s have an impressive and almost aristocratic bearing. They are very much in control of the image they send out. Many actors, dancers, and other performers have 9 personalities. They are much admired, but also can be hated as they may be perceived as arrogant. A great struggle of the 9 type personality is being able to bring themselves down to earth and relate to everyone on a personal basis. 9′s have great compassion and sympathy for others, but may be better at working on a grand scale rather than a one-on-one basis. They have excellent taste, a good deal of artistic talent that shows in their homes and clothing.

Hidden Passion 1

Their hidden passion is that they want to stand out! They have a great drive and desire to accomplish. They are highly competitive and want to be the best and the first in anything they do. Highly energetic, creative, capable of influencing and even dominating others. Can succumb to manipulation unless their ideals are high. May have struggled with a lack of confidence especially at a young age, but they have the strength to overcome this. They are survivors, warriors, leaders, and often times politicians or athletes (!!!!)

Karmic Lessons 7 and 8

7: Learn not to take things at face value. A superficial understanding of important matters will prevent them from experiencing the satisfaction of their true potential. The presence of other 7s in Tessa’s core numbers means this lesson will be easy to learn.

8: They are highly independent and do not want to be told how to do things. They might have a know-it-all attitude and can be stubborn therefore they can run into issues with authority figures. This can prevent them from knowing their limits, and while they likely will attract lots of money, they may spend too much of it as well. Learn limitations, and be efficient. 

Balance 2

Use tact and diplomacy over emotion. Be courageous in the search to a solution rather than backing away over fear of confrontation. Work hard to diffuse tension, and find a solution that satisfies everyone. Be willing to compromise. 

Scott Moir

Life Path: 9

Birth Day Number: 2

Second Period Cycle: 2

Second Pinnacle Cycle: 9

Challenge Numbers: 7, 4, 3, 1

Destiny/Expression: 3

Soul Urge/Heart Desire: 4

Personality: 8

Hidden Passion: 9

Karmic Lessons: 5 and 8

Balance Number: 3

Life Path 9: The Humanitarian

9′s are helpful, compassionate, charitable, generous, humanitarian, cooperative, creative, self-sufficient, proud, self-sacrificing. 9′s can often be open and honest to a fault. There is no doubting that a 9 will give you an honest opinion, and it may be a tough pill to swallow but the 9′s must be listened to. They usually speak from a place of experience. 9′s are determined to leave this earth better than they got it, and this can be confusing to a lot of other people, who might be searching for a deeper meaning behind it all. 9′s are coming from a place of love, and are hardly looking for whats in it for themselves. They wear everything on their sleeves. 9′s tend to see the big picture, rather than small details and attract people from all walks of life. They do not accept social biases or prejudices. 9′s are imaginative and creative and enjoy careers that involve some sort of self-sacrifice. They often do not want to accept the shortcomings of the world, of yourself, or others. This can lead to a perpetual dissatisfaction and a constant push towards something better that they often find they can never meet. 9′s often let go of material possessions and relationships as they’ve learned that holding on too tight to anything often causes them pain. If they seek money too fervently, they will come up disappointed and empty handed. The most success, for them, comes from caring and sharing. They can be romantic, but impersonal. They tend to focus more on their dreams. They must be open and accept their shortcomings as well as their strengths in order to establish an equilibrium. Out of alignment, 9′s can be resentful, lacking in integrity, hostile, arrogant, close minded, emotionally unavailable, submissive, or a liar.

Crystals: fire agate, aragonite, blue apatite, blue chalcedony, fluorite, hematite, malachite, pietersite, rhodonite, unakite

Planet: Sun

Zodiac: Virgo (also his sign!)

Tarot: The Hermit

Birth Day Number 2

They are sensitive, intuitive, and diplomatic. They are aware of their surroundings, and are easily influenced by it. They love beauty and attention, and can easily fall victim to depression or lack of confidence. Their talents lie in personal relations and diplomatic skills. They also usually possess talents in artistic and creative endeavours. They are warm, affectionate and like to hug and cuddle, and be made to feel safe and secure. They are cooperative and work well in partnerships. They are good at continuing projects and have great attention to detail. They require harmonious work environments, without it they may become too stressed and high strung. 

 Second Period Cycle 2

The middle part of their life is about learning to tune in to the sensitive and intuitive side. They are drawn to interact with people on a personal level, and are able to recognize how others are feeling and be more tactful. Emotions play a large part of period two. Devoting time to the performing arts is an especially good idea.

Second Pinnacle Cycle 9

This is a good time for financial growth and progress. They will also face a large challenge which they must give themselves to completely. They will find reward in drama and art, and have a heightened sense of aesthetic and any artistic abilities will be brought to the surface and enhanced. 

Challenges 7, 4, 3, 1

First challenge 7: They are highly skeptical of anything that can not be proven to them. Very doubtful of anything to do with spiritual matters. They must learn faith, and to find a community which provides interesting and fresh perspectives. They may have too much pride, and will experience a deep and humbling transformation.

Second challenge 4: This challenge is all about learning to organize and prioritize, be persistent and persevere. Because Scott has more even numbers this will be an easier lesson for him to learn.

Third, main, challenge 3:  They are their own worst critic. They suppress their individuality and creativity because of self-doubt. They are far harder on themselves than anyone else in their life is, so they tend to play it safe by not expressing deep emotions and indulging in superficialities. They can feel lonely, and fear social interaction. They should seek out a creative output, like drawing, dance, singing etc. The crux of this challenge is to bring out the true self. They must learn to value their creative talents above judgement of others, and undergo a process of individuation. 

Fourth challenge 1:  They must learn to be independent. They will be forced to stand up for themselves and their rights, and face situations in which they will have to choose between doing what is right, and doing something to please someone else. They will learn to be firm and trust their judgement, not to run with the crowd but be an individual. They will experience much trial and error, and can sometimes include bursts of anger, or suppressed anger and emotion until they are acting on their deepest instincts. They will learn their own set of values, and develop individual and original ideas.

(interesting they both have similar challenge numbers, especially number 3 which they’ve both extensively mentioned their self-critical nature)

Destiny/Expression Number 3

3 is the number of self-expression. They are rich in imagination and spirit, but must be careful to not scatter themselves. They can lack discipline, and hard work and focus will be the keys to their success. They possess great verbal skills, but tend to think in pictures rather than words. Love, romance, and money are definitely within reach. They are social, they need an audience and the support of others to fully realize their abilities. On the downside they can be superficial, moody, sensitive, and emotional. They can perceive criticism where there was none. These traits can suppress creativity and it’s better to be goal-oriented 

Soul Urge/Heart Desire 4

They like to live a stable and well-organized life. They can establish and maintain a routine, and they strive to be dependable and a rock of strength for others. Work is central to their life and they may have a tendency to go overboard, and they should avoid being a workaholic. They are great in family situations and make good parents, but must learn to be flexible. They need and want much love, and are honest and unpretentious. They hate liars and affectations. 

Personality 8

They appear strong and powerful, have impressive personalities, and can influence and even intimidate easily. They have natural authority and people are attracted to their competence and enthusiasm. They radiate confidence. Most 8′s have a strong constitution, but can suffer from indigestion, ulcers, and even heart disease due to reckless eating, drinking, and propensity to be workaholics. Their egocentric attitude can be a downfall, and this can cause loneliness and ruthlessness. They can be spontaneous, excited, warm, and jovial. Deep down, they want everyone to be as happy and as excited as they are. Those around them often sense it, and they are well liked by coworkers.

(This feels bizarrely accurate)

Hidden Passion 9

Warm, generous, and compassionate. 9′s are often creatively inclined but it may not come out until adulthood because it was repressed as a child. They have a strong desire for insight and knowledge. They are emotional even though their feelings are not always sensible. They can get caught up in dreams. Blessed with oratorical abilities. They are driven to do their own thing and are very independent. 

Karmic Lessons 5 and 8

5: They need to be more adventurous. Overcome fear of living. Take every opportunity that is presented especially to travel, to meet new people, to experience new things. Broaden horizons. Go with the flow, adapt to changes, and grow from them. 

8: They are highly independent and do not want to be told how to do things. They might have a know-it-all attitude and can be stubborn therefore they can run into issues with authority figures. This can prevent them from knowing their limits, and while they likely will attract lots of money, they may spend too much of it as well. Learn limitations, and be efficient. 

Balance Number 3

Be more lighthearted and optimistic in approaches to problems. Work with others to reach and mutually satisfactory solution. Use natural charm to influence a situation. Try to control tendency to be overly emotional. Be objective. 

[darlingbudsofrae]

Neil lowkey has such a way with words— If it means losing you, then no?? Letting someone in meant trusting them to not stab me in the back when terrible people came looking for me. I was too afraid to risk it, so it was easier to be alone and not think about it. But I trust you??? If you have to keep asking - I'll answer it as many times as you ask. But this is always going to be yes???? I am not a pipedream. I'm not going anywhere????? I didn't say anything then because I knew I'd look out for only me when the world went to hell. I don't want to be that person anymore. I WANT TO GO BACK FOR YOU??!! I don't think we talk enough about this—

[ermuellert]

a sweet baguette reunion between lucas and josuha guilavogui post-match 🥰 16.12.2020

[nuizlaziart]

a ton of sketches from @thelifeofemm’s INCREDIBLE hp crossover fic “Per Ardua ad Astra”

explanation: @plaidmax and I spent many days losing our minds over this fic so of course I had to express my feelings this way and honestly this might just be part 1, more ramblings in the tags

bonus:

[sharky857]

Just know this: I used to have (and still do) quite some… interesting taste for what concerned my childhood kids shows. So you’ve been warned.

There’s actually two-three more TV shows where I dumped LGBT+ related OCs. Adding a “read more” break, because it’s gonna be a loooong post.

Extreme Ghostbusters (sometimes shortened to “EGB”)

This series always struck me as something that tried REAL HARD to be as “politically correct” as possible, starting right from the new team of “Busters”:

- A Goth girl, as pale as a… well, ghost (Kylie Griffin);

- Ye olde (and quite nerdy/geeky too) friendly Afro-American boy (Roland Jackson);

- A paraplegic-since-birth white jock (Garret Miller, and don’t tell me he had no jock tendencies 8°));

- A “looks like snarky & slacker but is actually a really nice guy” Latino (Eduardo Rivera, who’s said to be Puerto Rican, I think?)

Since the series gave me the aforementioned feeling, I decided to go and up that “political correctness” a notch by dumping a small handful of my own characters in it:

- Petra Rivera:

As the last name suggests, she’s the sister of Eduardo (and Carlos/Carl). Go and sue me. :°) So yeah, she’s a Latina. Latina and bi, currently in a relationship with Gretel (see ahead).

- Indira (not Gandhi):

A sweet, Indian girl. She’s actually straight, and she loves and cherishes all of her LGBT+ friends, because “love is love”. Currently in a relationship with Takashi (see ahead).

- Takashi:

A Japanese trans boy, currently in a relationship with Indira (duh).

- Markus & Gretel:

Brother and sister. While Markos is as “cishet” and an ally as Indira, his sister Gretel is a lesbian, also open to poly relationships. At the moment she’s dating Petra.

Petra isn’t into poly and she made herself sure to make that clear with Gretel. In the end the two have found an agreement: Gretel is free to date whoever she wants, on a simple condition to let Petra know too, all while not trying to involve her into the new relationship, unless it’s to try and develop a simple friendship with any third party.

Given how EGB used to sporadically reflect some real life social issues here and there, besides being a darker show than its predecessor, I also thought that these five peers here wouldn’t be sleeping on a bed of roses either.

For example:

- Petra: While “Eddie” eventually processed and accepted Petra’s preference, simply joking that now he might’ve gotten “some unfair competition”, things didn’t go as smoothly with the rest of the (canonically known) family. Carl is still holding a small grudge, mostly because of “how are you two supposed to even have children of your own?” reasons. In addition, some bigoted trash would say that she isn’t “truly bi”, because of her going out with Gretel. (“I said ‘BI’, not 'POLY’, you pretentious pinecone! :)” Twas Petra)

- Indira: Sometimes some bigoted people would say that she is not “really straight” due to her dating Takashi. Yes, this kind of remarks also falls under “transphobia” at the same time. (“You know what? I believe you’re right. I might be as straight as some rainbow stripes, for all I know and care. ;3” Twas Indira)

- Takashi: At times he’s told that he’s “not a boy”, because he “doesn’t look like one” and because “he’s got no D and no balls”. (“So, following your unreasoning, anyone who’s undergone a vasectomy is no longer a man either.” Twas Takashi)

- Gretel: She’s told that she’s not “a true poly” because she’s going out with only ONE date. Some would also say that she says to be poly only “as an excuse to cheat on the other person”. (“Hmh, you must have an extensive experience on the topic of 'cheating’, don’t you?” Twas Gretel) Besides, being openly lesbian, sometimes she would stumble upon some creeps (ie: your (stereo)typical “cishet white men who feticize lesbians and the likes”) who may tell her that “she’s like that just because she hasn’t tried some D yet” and that they would be “really glad to try and change her mind ;)” (Said creeps would soon regret their decision because, just like Petra, Gretel won’t hesitate to throw some hands and/or deck the mofos.)

- Markus: He gets some sh!t for both being an ally and not looking mixed race, both for two separated reasons. Since he passes for a “cishet white man”, sometimes he is being said that he “must be a f**got", because it’s unusual(??) for a straight man to support “those f**s” if he’s not one himself.

(^This would be his frequent reaction to that kind of remarks) As for the other matter, sometimes he is accused of ye olde “cultural appropration”, referred to his hairstyle. Needless to say, even this one would come from white dudes who have never even set foot on Jamaican ground. (“Guys… Do I have some news for you…” Twas Markus, a guy as German-Jamaican as Gretel)

And then I went and dumped some “LGBT+”ness also on a whacky show I used to love (and I still do), again in form of OCs…

Captain Simian and the Space Monkeys (conveniently shortened to “CSATSM“)

I like to refer to this kids show as to a “shitpost” (in a friendly way), because it was obviously created for no real purpose but to parody as many tv shows/movies as possible in under 26 episodes.

And as a “shitpost”, of course everything is kept lighthearted too, so no real social issues are (openly) addressed/discussed.

I remember when I first started to make my own characters for CSATSM: I was a 12yo who just found fun/entertaining the idea of Simian & crew finding another crew of primates, at some point during (or right after) their own journey to Save The Universe™.

(You read that, @missanthropicprinciple? I have OCs too! :°D)

So yeah, technically I’ve come up with my own OCs something like *does a quick math* 22 years ago. Only in recent times I decided to spice them up with LGBT+ stuff.

The reason here has been different from the one that drove me for EGB: while in the former I wanted to bring a newer kind of “politically correct” while trying to maintain that addition within the canon atmosphere of the series, in this case I decided to add these tidbits as a way to say “your own preference and orientations don’t define how skilled you are”.

This remark, albeit referred to one’s personal issues, seems to be the general statement into CSATSM. Once I made this post here, so, for further info about what I mean, you may go and read that other ramble: https://sharky857.tumblr.com/post/179870420537

That being said, here’s my own little crew of primates.

PLEASE NOTE: They will look nothing like primates, because the Sims 4 doesn’t really come with a mod to actually turn humans into different races of apes/monkeys, so these humanized versions will have to do. :°)

- Brenda Bellatrix, also known as “BB”, “Bix”, “Big Sis” and “Boss, since you despise Captain so much”

Current captain of her ship (”Atlas”). She’s a chimp-bonobo hybrid. Given how Bonobos are known for their “wlw” (you know what I mean), but apparently not Chimpanzees, Brenda has turned out bi. Bi and poly. She is in a strong relationship with some second-in-command (see ahead), who knows all about her preferences and stuff, so he doesn’t mind when she is out to get “some action” with another member (again, see ahead). On a side note, she’s also easily flustered and would instantly blush and sputter a lot in presence of whoever she could deem as “hot”, regardless of their gender.

- Jordan Eridanus, also known as “Jo” and “Eridan”

The current second-in-command. Jordan is 100% straight. He knows that his Brenda has poly tendencies, and he is fine with it, especially considering that he fully knows and trusts her other love interest. As a side-fact, he’s deaf and wears an earing aid, courtesy of “Den & Max” (see ahead).

- Mintaka Amano, also known as “Taka-chan” (don’t look at me like that)

Former second-in-command. As her name suggests, she’s a Japanese monkey (a Google search mentions only Japanese Macaques) and a full-time lesbian. Yes, she is the “other love interest” of some hybrid ape.

- Daniel Deneb, also known as “Den” and “Doc”

The medic aboard the “Atlas”. Has zero care for romance and an even lower sex drive. I guess it is safe to say that he is the ultimate “aro ace”. Sometimes he would roll his eyes at Brenda’s blushing & sputtering.

- Captain Orion, also known as “Big Boss”

Nothing much is known about him yet, except that he’s a gorilla and went suddenly “M.I.A.” after going on a solo mission and leaving Brenda in charge of the “Atlas”.

- Maxine, also known as “Max”

The real culprit behind everyone’s nickname (except her own). Small Maxine is a young primate (she could be the primate counterpart of Chekov, being both young and brilliant) and is often spotted hanging around “Big Sis” Brenda. Also, she’s an albino monkey. She has no real love interest (still too young to date anyone! :U) and is genderfluid.

And lastly:

Biker Mice from Mars (shortened to “BMFM”, no matter old or new series; I could also still fit my OCs into both no problem)

There is no real reason to add LGBT+ OCs in here, except for the same reasons that led me to add Jamie in Street Sharks. The ones I’ve already listed in the post: https://sharky857.tumblr.com/post/185906742557

The only difference between SS and BMFM is that female characters are slightly (I said SLIGHTLY) more present and don’t get randomly cut off, leaving only the male protagonists.

Just like before, the following are humanized versions made in Sims 4, albeit one of them wouldn’t really change that much (see the bottom of the list).

- Dylan “Doxx” Stroberee

Straight and ace. In his case, it means “would date any girl he found interesting but would never think about getting laid”. He’s the twin brother of Nitro (see ahead).

- Rose “Nitro” Stroberee

A tiny genderfluid who always tried to hide that, in fear of being judged nergatively. Upon entering the Freedom Fighters, Nitro had zero hesitation to cut her hair short, seeing it 8 along with other things ) as an opportunity to finally unleash her “other side” without that old fear.

- Marisa “Jewel” Arlen-Laverda

100% straight and good friend with Nitro and Doxx (and later Libby too).

- Liberty “Virago” McDunlop, also known as “Libby” and less frequently as “Libs”

The only non-Martian here (non-Martian, non-Earthling and sorta Plutarkian). She as straight as a board and demi (would date any guy she finds interesting but getting laid requires love, and a lot of mutual knowing and trust).

Bonus round, in case you actually made it ‘til the end!

Back onto Street Sharks...

- Emily Paradigm.

She doesn’t really claim to be LGBT+, although she falls under both aro and demi.

[daechwitatamic]

Chapter 5: Childish || KTH

(banner by @itaeewon)

Title: What Was Hidden (Masterpost)

Rating: explicit, minors DNI pls

Genre: college!au, angst, eventual smut, strangers -> friends -> lovers -> idiots -> lovers

Pairings: Taehyung x female reader, MYG x OC

Summary:  This is how it all starts: Taehyung is flunking Western Lit. You’re assigned to tutor him. His paper on Strindberg’s The Ghost Sonata could pass or fail him for the semester. As you and Taehyung slowly become friends, then more, you learn that there’s a lot more to him than you originally assumed. Together, you navigate your own experiences with the play’s themes: one’s “true self” versus one’s “shown self”, darkness behind the facade, and how people can be quite literally haunted - and it has nothing to do with ghosts.

//

In which you and Taehyung address what happened at movie night.

Chapter Warnings: language, kissing, bad rap lyrics… listen i tried my best ok

Word Count: 3.8k

Note: This is a duplicate of Chapter 5. Apologies if you already interacted with the first version - it wasn't showing up in searched tags. The Ghost Post for Chapter 5 is here.

I saw the sun and thought I saw what was hidden The Ghost Sonata | Scene III August Strindberg

Chapter 5: Childish

Sunday, November 18th

In the morning, Kiko’s bed is empty, so you text her, “Good morning???”

Instead of answering you with words, she sends you a Soundcloud link titled, Sirens [DEMO]  - MYG ft K!k0.

[9:02 AM] Kiko✌️: sry for bailing on the movie but we finished this

You scramble for your earpods, eagerly starting the track. The beat starts, fast and angry, and then Yoongi’s rapping starts.

All these months at sea have got me seeing shit I close my eyes and take an even bigger hit Your siren call has got my fucking guard up These last six months I’ve been so fucking hard up Snared by your beauty as you pass by Your siren song is just another goddamn lie I have heard you singing, each to each You’ve always been just outside my reach Part of me wants to let you drag me down Til human voices wake us and we fucking drown I’m powerless to fight it, I refuse to try Your siren song is just another goddamn lie

The chorus starts, and you hear Kiko for the first time. Her voice comes in sweet and steady, definitely her, haunting as it traverses the minor key.

“Holy shit,” you say out loud, pulling out your earpods and scrambling up the ladder to Bridget’s top bunk. She whines in complaint as you scoot in next to her, poking her arm.

“Wake up, you have to hear this,” you tell her. “Look at our baby go!”

[9:10 AM] You: omg omg omg that’s so good i literally woke b up to listen to it too

[9:11 AM] You: she hates me but she loves the track

[9:12 AM] You: your VOICE iasnfoiajefjef 

[9:14 AM] Kiko✌️: thaaaanks 🥺🥺🥺

[9:16 AM] You: if he gets famous w that hes gonna get a cease and desist letter from Eliot’s people lmaooo

[9:19 AM] Kiko✌️: ????

[9:20 AM] You: ts eliot? the poem?

[9:22 AM] You: ‘i have heard them singing, each to each’

[9:23 AM] You: ‘til human voices wake us and we drown’

[9:24 AM] You: they’re from that longass ts eliot poem idr the name of it

[9:25 AM] You: hold on im looking it up

You send her the link to The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and click your screen off. 

“You think he wrote that about her?” Bridget muses, eyes still closed.

“No way,” you say. “You’d have to have some serious audacity to ask a girl to feature vocals on a track you wrote about trying to resist her charms…”

“Maybe he has a lot of audacity,” she murmurs. 

You kick your way under her blankets - your feet are freezing - and put your earpods back in, turning your screen back on to listen to it again.

Monday, November 19th

Monday brings sunshine, even if it is freezing cold. You’re leaving your final class, your laptop bag heavy on your shoulder, when a phone call comes in from Bianca.

“Hey, Y/N,” she says when you pick up. “I figured this would be easier than emailing back and forth five times. I’m trying to reschedule your session with Taehyung. Are you feeling better?”

“Oh,” you say, stomach dropping. Good, now that you and Taehyung aren’t speaking you can spend an extra hour alone with him! “Yeah, I’m all better. Thanks.”

“Great,” she says. “Can you do tomorrow morning? I know it’s kind of late notice,” she says apologetically.

“I’d have to be done by ten for class,” you tell her. 

Bianca schedules you for nine the next morning, and tells you she’ll email you both to confirm. 

You’re at dinner with Bridget that night when Taehyung texts you about it.

[7:55 PM] Taehyung: hi. Would you be okay with doing tutoring at the coffee shop tmrw instead of the library

[7:56 PM] Taehyung: i have class at 10 and its closer to the academic buildings

You wave your foot around in discomfort. You hate knowing you hurt his feelings. He’s obviously upset, or this would’ve been a facetime call. 

[7:59 PM] You: yep. See you at 9.

He doesn’t answer.

Tuesday, November 20th

When you reach the cafe in the morning, Taehyung’s already in a booth, books open on the table. You pause at the edge of the table, and he looks up at you, but doesn’t say anything.

“Morning,” you said uneasily. “I’m gonna get in line and order my coffee, and then we can start?”

“Sure,” he says, and goes right back to highlighting the Strindberg text. 

You frown, crossing your arms. “Is this how it’s going to be for the whole hour? Are you even going to speak to me?”

“If I need help with the work,” he allows, eyes still on the text.

“Taehyung,” you say, frustrated, “don’t be childish -.”

“I’m being childish?” he echoes, eyebrows raising indignantly. “You started the cold shoulder shit just because I dared hang out with a friend when we -.”

When we… aren’t anything in the first place. You know that’s the end of the sentence. You know that’s the truth. There was nothing between you two but potential, but that had spoiled now. You don’t wait for the end of the sentence. You turn on your heel to leave.

“Wait,” he says quickly, and reaches for your hand, holding your fingers tightly. “I’m sorry. Don’t leave.”

You stand there, his fingers still clutching yours, frozen. His hand is warm on yours, his eyes intense, and you feel like he could just tug you right down there next to him with very little effort. 

“I’m sorry,” he says again. “Let’s just… I’ll work on the paper. Let’s just… work.”

You don’t really have a choice. You’re contracted for an hour. Pursing your lips, you set your bag on the empty bench. 

“I’m going to order my coffee,” you tell him quietly, and he nods, finally dropping your hand. When you return, you settle in and get your laptop running. 

“Okay,” you say, eager to put the arguing behind you and get to work. “What step of the paper are you on? Isn’t it due this week?”

“Yeah, by Friday at midnight,” he tells you. “I’m just done taking my notes for the disillusionment theme and then I can start typing it up.”

“How can I help today?” you ask.

He frowns, sliding the Strindberg text between you. “I was looking at his last little bit here,” he says, pointing with his capped highlighter. “I saw the sun and thought I saw what was hidden - I was going to write about the word thought - like, he thought he knew what was there, he thought he was seeing something hidden that was beautiful and good. Like, he saw the darkness behind the facade, but then the sun shone on this spot and he thought that behind the darkness there was still something good… but he was wrong.”

“Tae,” you say, quietly. 

He gives you a warning look. “Don’t,” he says. “Focus on the paper. Am I onto something worth putting in the paper?”

“Yeah,” you say, begrudgingly. “It’s good.”

He nods and writes something down in the notebook he has open next to the text. When he’s done, he opens his laptop and gets typing away. You drop your eyes, focus on your coffee. 

He types for about fifteen minutes and you don’t talk as he works. When you hear the sound of clicking keys stop, you glance up to see if he needs to be reminded to focus, as he asked.

But instead of looking distracted - out the window, or at his phone - he’s looking at you. He’s pouting, lips protruding, and it’s so fucking cute that it makes you feel angry.

“What?” you snap, but you’re fighting a smile. 

“I can’t stand that you’re mad at me,” he admits. “I should have told you I had a girl at the house, that it was a friend. I’m sorry. I know that we aren’t… y’know… but if I’d run into you with a guy like that I think I’d…” He trails off, half-formed thoughts tripping him up. “It would have felt bad. And I did not mean to make you feel bad.”

You shake your head. “It’s fine,” you tell him. “You can do whatever you want. You owe me nothing. I shouldn’t have gotten upset. I was trying to be chill about it and just… failing miserably.”

“You don’t send someone homemade soup and then show up with another girl,” he says, shaking his head. “I screwed up.”

“You didn’t,” you tell him gently. “It’s fine. I’d like it if we just… moved on.”

–

By the time your hour is up, Taehyung has finished typing most of the paper. You make him promise to finish it and send it to you to look over before your normal Wednesday morning session tomorrow.

You gather up your things and wait as Taehyung does the same. Once you’re both ready, you turn and walk towards the door; you both have class right after, and you’re in a bit of a hurry to make it on time. 

The line of students trying to grab a coffee before the ten o’clock classes start is quite long, reaching almost to the door. And at the end of it stands Davis.

You drop your eyes quickly, as if seeing him would make him more likely to see you. You scrunch down into your sweater, hiking your bag higher on your shoulder, and pick up your pace. 

Taehyung is suddenly beside you instead of behind you, his arm around your shoulders, pulling you tightly up against him as you walk side by side. He’s warm and solid against you, and you feel the tight fist that had been wrapping itself around your lungs release a little bit. It just feels instantly… safer. You keep your eyes down, but you feel Taehyung turn to look at Davis as you pass by. He reaches forward to open the door, and you step through together.

“Thanks,” you mutter, still watching the very fascinating pavement. 

“You have to stop running from him,” he tells you seriously. “He’s garbage, and you’re…”

You’re what?

He shakes his head. “You shouldn’t let him get to you like that,” he amends. 

You scuff your sneaker along the path. “Which way are you going?” you ask him. 

“Pastorino Building,” he tells you, pointing.

“Me too.”

When he holds out his hand for you, you take it. 

--

[11:44 AM] Taehyung: you finally took me off of read, huh?

[11:52 AM] You: ???

[11:54 AM] Taehyung: insta

[11:56 AM] You: lol oh

[11:57 AM] You: yeah u earned it i guess

[12:00 PM] Taehyung: “i guess” o ok then 🙄

--

[12:11 PM] Nina💕: y is ur new man messing with Davis????

[12:14 PM] You: 100% honesty, i have nooooo idea what ur talking abt

[12:16 PM] Nina💕: walking around campus giving him dirty looks nd shit, real mature

[12:19 PM] You: omfg. i need everyone to grow the fuck up pls. 

[12:20 PM] You: knowing davis and knowing taehyung, i’d guess they saw each other ONCE and if tae didn’t smile then davis went and cried like a fucking baby 

It’s almost twelve hours later, after you’re in bed working on getting sleepy, that you realize that Nina had said “your new man” and you’d done nothing to refute this.

Fuck.

Wednesday, November 21st

You’re - stupidly - excited for your tutoring hour on Wednesday morning. You don’t know what is starting with you and Taehyung, but something is. But when you arrive at eleven on the dot, he’s not there. He’s still not there five minutes later, and you shoot him a quick text - “we on for tutoring?” 

Two minutes later, he comes up behind you, practically panting, a paper travel mug in each hand.

“Sorry,” he says, “I was already running a minute or two late because the line was so long, and then I got here and I couldn’t open the door -.”

You crack up, reaching to take the cups from his hands and place them on the table. 

“Did you bring me coffee?” you ask accusingly, a smile creeping across your face.

“I’m still trying to make up for Saturday,” he says with a laugh, pulling out a chair on the other side of the table.

“You have already, and then some,” you tell him seriously.

“I hope I ordered it how you like it,” he says sheepishly.

“I’m not picky,” you assure him. “So, what are we working on today?”

“All business, huh? Even when I bring you coffee?” he teases, eyes crinkling. 

“I’m all business when I’m on the clock,” you agree. “Talk to me in fifty-three minutes and I can be more fun.”

“You’re fun anyway,” he says, eyeing you sideways as he takes out his laptop. “Anyway, I finished the paper last night. Can I send it to you now? Then I can start my Chekhov reading while you look it over?”

“That sounds perfect,” you tell him. “Chekhov, huh? Three Sisters?”

"Cherry Orchard," he corrects you.

“Oh, that’s a good one,” you tell him. “I’m excited to see what you think. I do like Three Sisters better, though, if I had to choose.”

“I don’t get to choose,” he says lightly. “I just sent you the paper, did you get it?”

“I’m surprised you even know how to use the school email,” you murmur without thinking, eyes on your screen, and you’re surprised when he laughs, one hand coming up to cover his mouth.

“Sorry,” you laugh. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

“Oh, but it’s fine if you think it?” he challenges, raising one eyebrow. Something stirs in your stomach. 

“Shut up and do your reading,” you say, laughing, doing your best to ignore the flutter of attraction. 

When your hour is up, you walk together towards the cafeteria as you have on other Wednesday mornings. But instead of splitting up, Taehyung raises that eyebrow at you again, as if issuing a dare. 

“Want to sit together?” he asks.

You grin. “Yeah,” you say. “But you might have to deal with my roommates when they figure out I ditched them.”

Thursday, November 22nd

Thursday is cold, but the sun shines brightly, so you decide to walk at your trail between your morning class and your afternoon class. It’s too cold to sit on your bench for long, but at least the walk will give you some exercise, and some good thinking time. Your mind is disgustingly full of Taehyung - the easy back and forth you have, how shockingly different he is from your expectations, the fucking cute way he pouts as he eats, the sexy way he rolls his tshirt sleeves, the way his smile will start so tentatively and then blast full-wattage out of nowhere.  You walk quickly, the cold hitting you sharply, like a slap in the face, and you need it. It knocks some sense into you. You’re a fucking mess, and you feel a little out of control with it. 

You head back to your room to take a quick shower before your 2:30 class, opting to skip lunch. You haven’t eaten since breakfast, and you know you won’t be able to eat until tutoring ends at 7. You wonder if you’d be able to talk Taehyung into doing tutoring from the cafeteria.

You somehow manage to make it on time for Becky at 5:00, barely, but you’re starving by the time Taehyung plops down in the seat across from you.

You tell him hello absently, already digging in your bag for your wallet, ready to ask him if he’d mind doing tutoring somewhere with food.

“Oh, goddamn,” you murmur, shifting your laptop out of the way and scraping around the bottom of your bag.

“What’s wrong?” Taehyung asks, peering at you.

“I can’t find my wallet,” you tell him, starting to take things out of the bag one by one. Then suddenly you freeze, your wide eyes meeting his across the table. “Oh shit,” you utter. “I think I dropped it at the trail.”

“The trail?” he echoes.

“The walking trails over at the nature preserve,” you clarify, still horrified. “I went walking there before class and I had my wallet with me then, and now that I’m thinking about it, I didn’t have it when I packed my bag for class.”

Taehyung looks at you, calculating. Then he nods and says, “Okay, so let’s go get it.”

“What?” you say, sure you misheard him. “Now? It’s dark. And freezing.”

He shrugs. “We’ll bundle up. It’ll be fun, like a little adventure.”

“Trespassing on closed trails in the dark - in snow temperatures - does not sound like an adventure,” you tell him. 

“Come on,” he goads. “What else are you going to do? You’re in classes until it’s dark tomorrow, you won’t be able to go look.”

You frown at him. “How do you know my class schedule?”

“I pay attention,” he says, waving a hand at you, like this is insignificant. “So? We’ll use our phones and follow where you walked. It could still be there.” 

You stop to consider it. You could just consider it a loss - freeze your credit card, replace your drivers license. Or you could wait and see if anyone turned it into the police or campus security. Surely, this isn’t so pressing that you need to go now.

But.

But, going for a nighttime walk with Taehyung - even if it is fucking cold out - does sound kind of exciting. 

“What about tutoring?” you ask, resolve crumbling.

“We’ll talk about Ibsen the whole time,” he says, already starting to pack up his bag. “Come on, there’s a parking lot at the trailhead, I’ll drive us over.”

There are no other cars in the lot when you park - probably because the whole nature preserve closes at sundown, which was about three hours ago. Taehyung turns off the car and you both get out, turning the flashlights on your phones on. You guide him to the trail you took, and walk in silence for a few minutes, beams crisscrossing the trail as you go.

“I turned my paper in yesterday,” he tells you. You’re shivering a little, searching the edge of the path. “Two days early. Do I get extra points for being early?”

“No,” you tell him flatly. “But yours will be one of the first she grades. I’m excited to see her feedback.”

“She’ll probably think I cheated,” Taehyung laughs. 

“No,” you disagree. “It definitely still sounded like you wrote it. Your voice came through.”

He looks at you across the path, only a silhouette from your phones illuminating patches on the ground. In the dark, you can’t make out his face at all, can’t read his eyes or his expression. 

“You did a good job,” you reassure him again. “It was well written.”

“Thanks,” he says finally. 

You walk in silence a little longer. You can’t see anything except the small circle on the ground from your phone, and it’s eerie. You’re glad Taehyung is with you, but you’re half tempted to step closer to him, to walk in his wake instead of on your own. You shiver again, your face aching from the cold, your fingers going numb. 

This was probably a dumb idea. 

You reach your bench and you hurry over, sure that if your wallet fell out of your pocket it would have been while you were seated. Sure enough, you find it under the bench, in a small tuft of dead grass. It occurs to you that Taehyung is here in your most sacred thinking spot, but you’d never brought Davis here even though you’d been dating for almost two whole school years as students here.

“Got it!” you cheer, turning to find Taehyung by the location of his phone’s light.

He comes up next to you, putting his hands on your upper arms. You’re still shivering slightly.

“You cold?” he murmurs, and you’ve never heard that tone of voice on him before. It’s low, almost guttural, and your body responds to it immediately, the blood rushing away from your head. 

“Mhm,” you say, not trusting yourself to try and form words. 

He wraps his arms around you, pulling you in, and you lean in, soaking in his warmth. This is fine - this is nice - but then he moves a hand to gently tip your chin up and leans in to kiss you. His lips are soft against yours, but his kiss isn’t. As soon as he can feel you kissing him back, he reaches both arms around you again, tugging you tight against him as your lips crash together. 

You manage to sneak a hand out of his tight embrace and curl your fingers through the wavy hair at the nape of his neck; you tug just a little and his mouth opens for yours, a tiny groan escaping him as if against his will as his tongue touches yours for the first time.

Everything about the kiss is slow but purposeful, intense in its lack of frantic energy. He kisses you like he’s got his whole life to keep it up, like there’s no reason to rush when he can take it this slow and feel everything, notice everything, love everything that you do.

You bring one freezing hand up to touch his jaw, your thumb rubbing a gentle line along the bone, and he shivers under your touch. He moves to tangle one hand in your hair, and suddenly it’s an entirely different kiss, all the energy and aggression that he seemed to be holding back earlier now bursting forth.

You appreciate the variety.

You release his hand and clutch the front of his zippered winter coat, pulling him closer, though it doesn’t seem possible. You want him closer. You want him to kiss you for a hundred more hours. 

He nips your bottom lip and you whimper without meaning to; he groans again in response to this, moving to kiss a line down your jaw and down to your neck. The air is instantly freezing in the wake of his hot mouth, and you shudder in his hands. 

When he finally pulls away, leaning back to look at your flushed face, he asks, “How about now?”

You laugh, once, and whack him in the chest. ��A little better,” you admit. 

He presses his forehead to yours and inhales deeply. “I would like to do that again without the puffy winter coats on,” he tells you.

You laugh again, stepping back a little bit. “Okay,” you tell him. “I think that can be arranged.” 

Next

Thank you so much for being here! I appreciate every single like, reblog, dm, ask, or reply!

As always, a million thanks to @kookstempo for being an expert turkey-wrangler and also for beta-ing!