#my dad was planning on retiring this month but now he doesn't want to because he'll stop receiving the 'special benefit' (the 40dlls)

[einaudis]

.

[gentrychild]

If the ask game is still open how about an Anyone au where when AFO asked about Izuku's family Izuku went on an hour long rant complete with a PowerPoint that illustrated all his special feelings about his dad

1 - In this AU, AFO actually had the courage to ask Izuku about his family and how he felt about his parents. Even if he lived for 200 additional years, he would still regret that decision. He certainly didn't expect for Izuku to spring The Power Point Of All Power Points detailing his hatred for his deadbeat dad, Midoriya Hisashi.

2 - Three hours into the Powerpoint, Izuku notices that AFO is crying. He asks him why and AFO says that it's because growing his eyes back left them sensitive and in need to be hydrated and how he will probably need to retire for the night soon to let let them rest. Izuku opens a drawer, threw eye drops at him, and continues his presentation. AFO should have known better than to open that Pandora Box and isn't allowed to leave until Izuku has ranted away all of his Daddy Issues.

3 - AFO, not wanting to meet his parents' fate, try to introduce Izuku to the idea that his father might have a good reason for leaving, that he might be dead or incapacitated. Izuku. Does. Not. Care. Izuku makes it clear that if Hisashi ever shows himself in front of him, he will throw him from a building as many times as it takes to kill him. AFO believes him.

4 - Time for Plan B: time to convince Izuku that his deadbeat dad is someone AFO wants dead. Since he is an ambitious man, he naturally picks Yagi, thinking that now that Izuku has stolen his quirk, it's time to take his life. He creates "proof" that Toshinori can change appearance and that his secret identity used to be Midoriya Hisashi. It's so convincing that Izuku breaks into the Might Tower with an album picture, several DNA tests and generally emitting a "????" sound.

5 - Now, All Might is an intelligent man who knows when someone is trying to pull an emotionally charged narrative climax where one murders his father. But since he is also dumb, he doesn't say "Mmm, your dad is AFO and is manipulating you. Also, could you give me back my quirk please." Instead, he says "I am so sorry, I had to leave to protect you and your mom, what do you mean you didn't get the child support and the unlimited AM merch I have been sending you every month?"

+ 1 - Now, Izuku isn't dumb either, knows that there is something fishy and if All Might is somehow truly his dad, he can't accept the "I abandoned you to protect you" excuse. But... Unlimited All Might merch. So he is willing to hear him out. As long as he keeps the merch coming.

+ 2 - All Might accidentally sics Izuku on the one who "stole the alimony and the All Might merch"... The HPSC President.

[ladyluscinia]

"What if it weren't like that?"

...or I'd like to propose a different theory of what's going on in Edward's head.

Going into the S2 finale, I feel like there's once again a huge consensus that Edward and piracy are an unsustainable mix, and he has to quit. Specifically after 2x07 he knows for sure, 100% that he wants to quit, and he's pulling away from Stede because he doesn't know how to communicate that certainty to him.

There's a very established meta framework backing up this belief. It's not new, just everyone pointing and saying "look! - the show is affirming us" at the same time. And it does make a lot of points about foundational trauma, the violence of the lifestyle, etc. I don't need to break it down for you. If you're seeing this post then you've seen the arguments before.

The thing is... I'm not actually sold on this read.

Edward is a complicated guy and I love to try and peel back his layers, and I'm not sure that retirement is truly his endgame. And maybe more importantly... I'm not sure retirement endgame is quite the thematic crescendo it's being presented as.

So let's talk a bit about Edward, particularly in 2x06 and 2x07.

---

Edward's Ongoing Depression Spiral

The thing about backsliding - and the Kraken was a pretty monumental backslide - is that even if you gain a lot of ground afterward, you still might not be much further than where you started.

Edward believing change is possible with Button's 2x04 guidance + his & Stede's conversation about taking it slow at the end of 2x05 are both huge steps for a guy that was openly suicidal at the beginning of the season. However, in the grand scheme of things, he's pretty much cycled back to the dilemma he was facing in S1 - continuing life as it was is intolerable, but he doesn't actually have a solid idea of what he wants. "Stede" is not a real, actionable answer.

In S1, this caused him to run recklessly into extremes of vulnerability with Stede because Stede was doing something different. He tried to metaphorically cut loose his entire history - as a pirate, as Blackbeard, as Edward Teach - and become a new "Ed" with no baggage, who was free to live an endless vacation honeymoon with his new boyfriend. And when the consequences of their own actions came crashing back in - an abandoned Izzy, Spanish Jackie, and Chauncey Badminton - Edward's desperate actions to save Stede turned into over-commitment to a guy he barely knows, a reckless plan to run halfway around the world to escape himself, and then a truly disastrous downturn when that blew up in his face.

Wherever you go, there you are - except Edward hates that guy. Edward's only concrete want so far for the new direction of his life is the one thing that's impossible - to not be Edward Teach.

So now, back to contemplating the same unknown future he was trying to chase in S1, the Kraken Era has given Edward new perspective, for better and worse. (I'm gonna link my rambling BlackHands / Kraken Era thoughts from 2x01 - 2x03 just because.) He's learned caution and is dipping his toes in self-reflection - Stede's love alone is not enough to save him, and his self-loathing has been acknowledged. Reckless pursuit of change without growth was doomed - an important lesson both Stede and Edward have started to learn.

Unfortunately, growth requires looking backwards, and if Edward was already disinclined to that due to killing his dad, he's struggling so much worse now that he's got months of fresh atrocities that he absolutely did not need to commit.

---

Drowning in Guilt

Edward's core trauma that he flashes to constantly goes back to killing his dad that night - something notably not associated with piracy. That guilt is the root of his self-loathing, but Edward is a rather troubled grown man with guilt aplenty, especially after the first two episodes of S2.

In 2x05 Edward starts with a CEO scripted non-apology firmly recategorizing all of his Kraken actions as "whatever that nasty dark stuff was that brought us here... it's in the past", and then his discussion with Stede does not involve too much reflection on why this probation is necessary and drops this gem:

"Oh fuck no. Apologizing? Nah. Didn't apologize for jack shit."

However - demonstrating self awareness / growth - he's also clearly projecting guilt and a desire (that's almost too big to look at) to apologize to Izzy for everything, and then he honestly talks with Fang (who he's known for 20 years!) about how he can not be understandably mad at him, after Fang pushes back on Edward's toxic rewriting of Knife Parade. He even learns to sit with himself!

All of which makes the start of 2x06 so layered.

We open with Edward sitting with himself, looking out over the ocean and stewing in guilt - in order: his dad, the storm, Izzy's toe, shooting Izzy, driving the crew to mutiny - and then the conversation that Edward was haunted by all last episode comes to him. He's back in his leathers - playacting the penitent with the onesie and cat bell got old after a day, and he had never truly linked his probation rules with any of his earnest feelings of remorse. Just a necessary performance to appease the crew.

Now he's himself again, as uncomfortable in his own skin as ever, and Edward Teach apologizes for Izzy's leg. He isn't being demanded to apologize by Izzy (no matter how much he may deserve it). Izzy is fully prepared to pretend it never happened despite the evidence of his body. But Edward wants to - needs to for the babiest step toward his own peace of mind - and so he does.

And then he flees from one guilt and accidentally stumbles into another. Stede has so helpfully pulled all Edward's Kraken treasure into one place, and Edward lampshades it:

"Excellent. A reminder of all my guilt. A guilt room."

Now, Stede has a decent idea here. His "poison into positivity" bit is not bad (and it echoes the language Izzy and Edward used - though I think it's a tossup whether Stede heard about that or if the parallel is purely on a Doylist level). It definitely lifts Edward's mood for the day and pulls him out of his guilt spiral for a bit.

Until it comes back so much worse.

Ned Low. Oh fuck the implications of Ned Low.

So here's the thing. People have rightly observed that Edward broke Ned's record intentionally during Kraken Era. In fact, since he makes the comment about "We got a record to break" after the wedding boat aka the last ship he takes, and Ned isn't coming after him for a tie, presumably he set the new record and then proceeded to break it over and over again. Just to rub it in. Just to really piss the sadist off.

And if Edward's attempt to take the whole ship and crew down with a storm at his lowest point was bad, what he was courting by baiting Ned before the season even started was worse. This is a man who would have tortured everyone on the breakup boat to death when he caught up to them, and Edward was passively planning on letting him do it.

Edward knows this.

Poison into positivity just became "oh shit I forgot I'm the most poisonous thing any of these people have ever run into," and he's just getting started. It's hard to shove it down and brush it off and pretend it was no big deal when Stede starts getting the hot poker to the chest.

He doesn't want to kill Ned because he's not worth the poison, but the poison is already here.

When Stede kills Ned, Edward has already spiraled. He's already got a whole narrative in his head about how this is all his fault, how this is his poison, his guilt, his Kraken surfacing to ruin Stede too.

"I'm not a good person, Stede. That's why I don't have any friends," Edward chokes out.

"It all boils down to this - You're afraid you're unlovable," snarls Hornigold's ghost in the gravy basket.

"I hate myself," Edward realizes.

"Don't do it, Stede. Killing in cold blood" - like I did - "you can't come back from that" - like I haven't.

Edward's guilt is projecting all over this scene. He's made some baby steps toward seeing Stede as a flawed person vs mythical mermaid whose love can save him, but the idealization is still coloring both their views. Stede still hasn't told Edward about any of his childhood traumas or deep seated insecurities, and Edward has continuously avoided putting together that Stede is fucked up as well. He's convinced himself that killing Ned Low is a great tragedy that will permanently scar Stede's previously unblemished goodness in a way that is all Edward's fault, and he's sticking to it despite how completely it does not apply.

Reality has never been much good at breaking through his self-loathing before.

Izzy tries to warn him to give Stede a minute, but Edward doesn't listen. And while there's a good amount of concerned boyfriend in that act, I also suspect there's more than a little self-harm. Edward's spiraling about what he's wrought. He shows up at Stede's door already paralleling this to killing his dad. Of course he wants to be in the blast radius.

Apparently, having sex about it.

---

"Bye-Bye" Blackbeard, See You Again Soon

Last season, when Edward's ignoring his past went poorly, he tried to metaphorically bundle Blackbeard and all his traumas up and cast them into the sea. He was "Edward Teach Born-on-a-Beach," and then "No-Beard" who found folding stuff in prison fun, and then he's kissing Stede and getting excited about picking new, cool names for China, because:

"Our old lives would be gone. Dead. Never were."

Edward, babygirl, that is not how that works.

Now, he's actively backsliding down a guilt spiral, just had ill-advised sex a day after the "take it slow" talk that he's already regretting, and he gets up in the morning, pulls on another goddamn robe, and goes to literally bundle Blackbeard up and cast him into the sea.

Babe you already tried this.

I don't think it's a coincidence that disposing of his leathers signals Edward is back to reckless change instead of intentional change. He tries to make breakfast in bed despite never having ever made breakfast before and explains his twine as a panicked decision. The idealization of Stede is back in force - he chooses now to tell him about the mermaid vision - "fantastic," he describes him - and thanks him for saving his life. (Once again, in times of trouble, Edward is the one offering up rosy imaginations for their relationship that swallow him whole and Stede is shoving his recent childhood trauma flashbacks down to be Normal™.)

In the Republic, Edward does avoid becoming straight up jealous of all Stede's positive infamy, but he's also doing his hardcore all or nothing thing again - this time running away from himself toward a grubby, poor, "nobody" version of Ed (or do we think he's gonna try "Jeff" again?). Jackie calls his attention to how his new life direction (as of 6 hours ago) is not necessarily aligned with Stede's, and - rather than doing something as crazy as talking - he mutters "shit" and heads to the docks where Izzy finds him.

For a guy who felt "Fucking great" throwing away his leathers, Edward sounds kind of sarcastic, even if I'm sure he's feeling just as light as he was on that Naval Academy beach. But Izzy - going through his own shit but still trying to be supportive - opened this conversation with a joke about Stede and I suspect thinks they are talking about putting the "Edward retiring to be with Stede" plan back on the table. (Edward could clear this up, but he's still not communicating his emotions to Izzy.) So Izzy encourages him:

"Maybe you should listen to it."

Edward's face falls, he looks back down at the fishing boat, and apparently gets himself a new job. He just needs to go dump his boyfriend about it. They're simply incompatible, you see?

Edward's a fisherman now. He's gonna sit with himself until he finds a better guy in there, just like Fang taught him. (Don't blame Fang for this 😆 he just wanted Edward to stop talking!)

Now there's a lot going on in the breakup scene, but I want to talk about one statement Edward makes (keeping in mind he's already spiraled all the way into his new fisherman identity):

"I don't even know who I am! Alright, I know I don't want to be a pirate, but you..."

Because, see - I don't think the second part of that is necessarily true.

It's not that Edward doesn't want to be "a pirate". That's what he's using as shorthand (and a way to strongly delineate his new career from Stede: "Fishermen and pirates - they're nothing alike.").

What he's not saying is, once again, I know I don't want to be Edward Teach.

And, babygirl, I love you... but too fucking bad.

---

Better Piracy as a Theme

There's a lot of meta around about how Edward views piracy as a kind of enforced toxic masculinity. How his traumas are woven so thoroughly into his Blackbeard career that the thought of continuing as a pirate is killing him. He has to retire. It's the only way he'll truly be happy as "just Edward."

And I question that framing.

Like... Edward clearly has trauma tied up in piracy. His time on Hornigold's ship appears to have defined his (and Calico's Jack's) fairly fucked up approach to casual violence. His time as Blackbeard has enabled his poor impulses, and he is absolutely sick of piracy as he's experienced it the first time we meet him. That's not in question.

But while leaving is one solution, I think change is another.

In the OFMD universe, piracy is not a stand-in for toxic masculinity. Stede, an outsider, describes it as a "culture of abuse" in the first episode, but it's the culture of piracy where we see openly gay relationships, polyamory, freedom of expression in clothing and presentation, the oppressed having power... to treat piracy as inherently toxic is to deny that the culture of piracy is what gave life to Calypso's Birthday party. Our main characters are pirates.

There is a lot of violence and most pirates are very troubled people, but it's not piracy's fault. That's getting the cause and effect reversed. The "problem" with piracy and pirate culture is that the people coming into it and building this community are already traumatized.

As Edward points out to Stede:

"It's usually something like that. It's often family-based stuff."

(Also the problem might be the pirate Captains, lol. I mean, if you start listing the major drivers and enablers of toxic culture... Hornigold, Ned Low, Calico Jack, Blackbeard. Fortunate, then, that the crew of the Revenge is demonstrating that piracy can also be about workers' unions and supporting each other against your shitty boss while operating in a thriving community. He can play nice or get out.)

Oluwande tells us from the start that people don't choose to be pirates - they get forced into it by terrible circumstances in a terrible society. Piracy is the community that accepts the outcasts, but it can't magically fix them. They have to do that themselves, which our crew is showing can be done.

Stede did not swan in with all the answers, but he gave his crew the space and all the confused-yet-well-meant support they needed to strengthen their own bonds and community. Oluwande and Frenchie especially have been really stepping up in leadership positions. Like, the whole plot of 2x05 was showing they have successfully formed a union and that they will operate as a united front against their captains if need arises. It's so good!

They are living that better culture that Stede wanted so bad, and it's not just our crew.

Piracy influenced by the Revenge crew has been shown as helpful and even desirable to chase.

Hellcat Maggie and the rest of Low's crew don't sail off to get new jobs - they are resuming piracy but this time talking about profit sharing. Anne and Mary, our oh so aggressive BlackBonnet mirrors, retired from piracy together like Edward was dreaming of in 1x09, and what "fixes" them is burning it all down and returning to piracy (rejecting Mary's fears) with their love at the forefront of their minds.

Edward wants to leave piracy behind forever because he has depression and hates himself, but the biggest thing he hates himself for isn't even a thing he did as a pirate. He's pushing back on his Hornigold trauma from the moment we meet him - in fact, I have a whole other meta idea I need to pull together after the season about how he has potentially thought he was doing "soft piracy" in spite of Hornigold this whole time - but the guilt he feels about killing his dad is still too big for him to even look at. And that won't go away even if he could cut 20+ years of Blackbeard out of his chest.

He's bored. He was stagnating. He needs to address that knot of self-loathing before it successfully drowns him.

Maybe people are right and he could be the one pirate to find peace operating a bed and breakfast? Maybe he'll follow in Jackie's footsteps and stay connected to the community by running a gay bar or something?

But I also think, maybe, he has a community surrounding him, a home and love on the sea, and a career with plenty of aspects he did enjoy - sailing, fuckeries, luxuries, creative problem solving - and he might just need to join everyone in striving for a better culture?

And step one would be realizing that wherever he goes, he's still Edward Teach, and he's got to stop running from that fact.

[blissfulxsins]

Someone who loved you- Wally clark

in which Wally clark's girlfriend watches her boyfriend die the night before homecoming

first one sho/drabble t on here so please be kind but im OBSESSED with school spirits and if it doesnt get a season 2 i will riot

pt 1 of somethin maybe bc its so short and it may suck bc i'm half asleep writing this ;/

"You have to get up." Her mother said softly from the edge of her bed. The girls' eyes remained fixated on the cool wall ahead of her unblinking. Her body felt numb, her eyes dry from all her tears.

"Why?" She croaked hoarsely as her eyes bounced to her mother's aging face quickly.

"Because you're 17 years old! its been a month- life doesn't just stop because-" Her mother argued as the young teen cut her off.

"My boyfriend died?" She completed the sentence with fire shining in her eyes as she turned her gaze back to the wall.

"You're 17- still young, this is not the only love you'll have love." Her mother sighed as she shut the door behind her retreating figure, leaving the girl alone with the memories and her regrets.

she remembered everything about Wally Clark.

the way his eyes lit up whenever he talked about their future.

their future. how quickly had it been taken from her. it was unfair, the world felt cruel. Because she didn't want to live in a world without Wally in it. Her eyes glanced to the red dress that lay untouched on it's hanger as it pooled out of the bag it was held in.

A week ago she was planning the perfect homecoming. A week ago she had gotten the perfect dress and helped her boyfriend pick out his suit, a week ago everything was okay. now she couldn't tell you what okay was anymore.

a world without wally clark was a cold one. the colors lost their shine.

his mother had tried to reach out to her, cat's fingers numb as she pressed delete on the answering machine, knowing it was cruel to blame her when she knew his mother probably hated herself.

.

.

"10 years from now. Where will you be?"She asked as she bit off the end of a twizzler, her head laying back in the green grass that surrounded them.

"Wherever you are." He said cheesily as she fake gagged, elbowing her boyfriend playfully.

"10 years, a few kids, i'll be retiring from the nfl and transition perfectly into the role of stay at home dad while you slay your girl boss dreams." he chuckled as she rolled her eyes at his antics, the memory now tasting bitter on her tongue as she thought about the future that had been taken from them.

[fitgothgirl]

So my dad texted me a thorough apology the day after that dinner/yesterday morning, saying he was embarrassed and hoping I could forgive him and just totally owned up to everything. It meant a lot coming from him and we texted for a sec and things are better now. My emotions were still all frazzled yesterday and I did still cry again, because it was still a stressful and sad situation to go through regardless of forgiveness and wanting to move past it. Feeling better today though.

In other news, I'm getting back to Doordashing tonight (or even possibly Lyfting) because I don't have enough money to pay my credit card bill that's due Monday. I'm at a really bad point money-wise. I'm finally hitting my credit limit and I can't keep falling back on my credit card (nor should I; and despite the stress, I'm partially grateful to be hitting my limit). I'm 34 and I have no savings, just a couple grand in retirement, every month I spend more money than I make, I'm in a huge amount of credit card debt, and I don't even have a budget. I've dug a deep hole for myself. My bf doesn't know the extent because I'm so embarrassed... I even had almost everything paid off for a hot second a few years ago with help from family, and now I'm worse off than I was before that; all that help, just undone and wasted.

I need to make a budget, I need to stop going to concerts, I need to make extra money, I need to go to the cheapest grocery stores and use coupons. I literally don't have a choice anymore, there is no more credit.

I love my job and want to stay in it, and I think the pay would almost be an adequate amount to live on if I didn't have the credit card bills that I have... But even without the bills, I don't think I could really do things like save for retirement and travel/do fun stuff and have an emergency fund, etc. And as a childfree person, I want/need long-term care insurance when I'm older, which is expensive. I also need to face the fact that it's probably five years or so until my position is completely replaced by AI anyway. Plus there's no growth with this job anyway, I'm not going to get many more raises (if any?). I need to plan ahead for which direction I'm going to go, and I need it to be more lucrative so I can live like a fucking adult. And to also not hold my bf back in things like travelling; he makes enough money but we don't do all these things we want to do because I just can't get the savings together. The times we do travel are were often largely put on my credit card...

I passively wonder about going back to school. I don't know if it'd be worth the time or the money though. That'd almost certainly mean more debt too. But getting my MPH might be a good boost to my job/salary options - or not, knowing the current state of society lmao. I also entertain the thought of getting a second Bachelor's in something else like biology or neuroscience or even math and going to a completely different industry. I don't know how feasible any of this even is though lol. My head's just often in the clouds like this.

My current job is in the medico-legal field and I could go more into the law side of things doing admin stuff or something; I feel like that'd be a more lucrative field. Unless AI takes over that stuff too lol.

Idk. I'm just feeling a strong mixture of both anxiety and shame.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Since I love your takes and it's Erwin's month, I want to share a interpretation of mine about Erwin and see your opinion about it! I'm sorry its damn long, and excuse my English. I hope you can read it properly. I know many fans think the opposite but: I don't see Erwin as a dad. [1/6]

I've read a lot of fanfics were Erwin has kids, either his own or adopted. And every time I read them, not matter what, I don't buy it at all. I don't see Erwin as a family man. I think he's a person that values his own freedom and his passions. And I think a kid would be too much responsibility. When you have a kid, they become your number one priority and now everything in your life has to take them into account. And honestly, I don't see Erwin doing that. [2/6] Lot of people see him as a dad (I do think he has dorky dad energy haha) because of that smartpass where he says if titans didn't exist he'd probably start a family. Which imo even doesn't sound credible at all. His response being "Retire to a reclusive area, or maybe have a family." He doesn't even sound sure. I even think that his real answer is the first one but then went 'I need to be more relatable and likeable for this interview. What do normal people want? Right. Having a family.' [4/6] Also he tries to ignore the question until Levi presses him to answer. I think Erwin's personality is intrinsically linked to his dream, so there's no life in which his dream does not exist. He even expressed that in canon when levi asked him what would he do after his dream and him saying 'I don't know'. I think he is a man of passion and goals, and even in a peaceful world he'd still be that passionate over other things that is not being a family man. [5/6] Not that you can't be both...but I don't see him that way. It seems too mundane and (like every other Scout) he is anything but so. I see him as a character that is way too 'think outside of the box/ reject and question what you are told' for his dream being so mundane as having a nuclear family. In a happier au, he is your history professor who very passionately criticizes imperialism and capitalism and has no kids (but probably a certain short, black-haired husband) [6/6]

Hi Anon,  unfortunately part of your ask [3/6] has gone awol, but there’s enough here for me to understand your question.  First of all, it goes without saying that you’re entirely entitled to view a character any way you want, however since you asked my opinion, I’d say that while I agree with some of your reasoning, I don’t agree with all of it. 

Personally I’m not a fan of fics where Erwin is a parent, but that’s not because I can’t see him as a parent, it’s more to do with my own taste in fiction.  There are simply other things I’d rather read about.  That aside, I do agree that Erwin doesn’t seem entirely sure about his future plans in the Smarpass interview, however the same could be said for Levi, and yet very few fans question his desire to open a tea shop.  I think the whole point of this exchange is that both Erwin and Levi are so focused on their goal of saving humanity that neither of them have thought beyond that.  Here’s the exchange in full from @yusenki's translation.

J: Then let’s not talk about that for now. How about just your own future dreams? L: Talking about future dreams at this age…how interesting. What do you think, Erwin? E: As for me…right. Retire to a reclusive area, or maybe have a family. J: I am surprised that commander seems surprisingly relaxed about this. E: My mind is currently filled with matters concerning the world, so I’m not in a position to pursue any dreams. But either way, you could say that I have an ordinary dream. L: How interesting. Your kids won’t be cute for sure. E: How about you, Levi? Would you go from hero to politician? L: That’s impossible. How could you even ask something that is so obvious?! J: Please tell us about your dream, captain. L: Just like this guy, my mind has no room for dreams right now. However if you want me to give you a casual answer, then…how about opening a black tea store? E: This is also so interesting! From a hero who flies around slaughtering titans outside the wall to an owner of delicious tea shop within the wall? J: Both of your answers are so unexpected. Is this because of the harsh realities you live in at this moment? E: Yes. The realization of our own dreams is less important than building a world for people, a place where humans can accomplish their own dreams. L: I don’t have much concern for my own matters, but it’s interesting to think about.

I know that there are a lot of fans who believe that Erwin’s dream is so intrinsic to who he is that he would be lost without it, and like you, they cite this scene in chapter 70 as evidence.  I've never believed that’s the case.  I think Erwin’s reply to Levi here is simply honest and pragmatic.  He’s not saying he has no interest in future plans, he’s just saying he’ll have to wait and see. Under the circumstances, that seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Anyway, I’m getting a bit off topic here.  You said that you can’t see Erwin being a parent because he values his freedom too much, it’s too great a responsibility, and having a family seems too mundane a fate for him. Raising children is certainly a responsibility, but it doesn’t have to be mundane, far from it.  I’ve never seen Erwin as the kind of man to avoid responsibility and I think it’s exactly his “think outside the box” qualities that would make him a brilliant, if unorthodox, parent. Erwin is a generous man with endless curiosity, I can see him as the kind of parent who would delight in children’s natural curiosity and encourage their sense of adventure. 

Having said all that, I suspect there is one thing that would prevent Erwin from becoming a parent; I don’t think he would believe himself worthy of the privilege of raising children.  Even if Erwin had survived the war and lived to see his father’s theories vindicated, I think he would still have carried a huge burden of guilt from his father’s death and that would have coloured his own view of his fitness to be a father himself. 

Thanks for your ask Anon, this is certainly an interesting question, and I hope you don’t mind if I partially disagree with your perspective. 

[insu-be]

·͙⠀⠀hi there ! i'm em { she/her | +21 } and i'm excited to finally be back here at wannabe ( for like the 4th or 5th time?? idr ). i bring to you a new muse that i've been wanting to have for a little while now that has been super loud in my head for at least the past 3-4 months. kang insu. he's my sr media wannabe who comes from a wealthy family ( his father isn't very approving of his 'dream' and refuses to really acknowledge any of it while saying that insu will only bring shame to the family if he continues being 'stubborn' ). he's currently in a band which is a secret from his father ( basically insu has made it seem as if he gave up on his dream of being an idol, planning to really hit his father with the news if he ever debuts, sort of like an 'in your face' moment of sorts ).

i know this is late for an introduction, i usually have one up within an hour of being accepted, but i've been tired from work the past few days and decided to hold off until i was really ready to get things rolling. c: below i'll be listing a few 'fun facts' about insu ( some of which can even be connections/plot ideas and will be labeled as so ). so, if you'd like to plot and get something going for insu and your muse, feel free to like this post and i'll slide into your dm's ! ( also, i apologize for having it set to where he can only receive dm's from those he's following, i forgot to turn that off but it's open now )

insu can come off as the 'i can't stand you' or the 'i don't wanna be here right now' type of person, though really he just has resting bitch face ( only because he lacks the 'fatherly love' and was forced to keep up 'appearances' due to his family background ). very deep down he just wants to be acknowledged and told he's doing a good job... just don't pat his head or anything of the sort because he'll glare ( if looks could kill..... )

when it comes to his mother, she the more supportive out of the family due to having once been a famous pianist. she retired from the industry though after having insu so that she could focus on being a mother and taking care of the family. you could say this is sort of where insu gets his love for music from.

when insu is around his closest friends, he still has that same 'resting bitch face' but he will crack a smile ( and even laugh ) at times when he feels like it. though, only one person has ever really known why he's like this and that's only because they've been best friends since they were little. ( cue childhood friends plot here ! )

from the moment that he joined the band that he's currently in, he's managed to keep his identity hidden with a black facemask and caps/hats ( kinda like how superman can 'hide his identity' with just a pair of glasses? ). this makes it even easier for him to hide this from his father for a few reasons: firstly because his father doesn't listen to music. secondly because he plays the guitar so no one has ever heard his voice besides his own bandmates.

his daily style is a bit more laid back and casual compared to when he's either performing with the band or having to attend the occasional events that his father forces him to attend. gotta keep up with the 'loving' father-son appearance. right?

he's only really ever had a couple ex's which most likely ended due to his 'lack of affection' or lack of being able to really show how he's feeling ( thanks a lot 'dad' ) so he doesn't really bother with beating around the bush now when it comes to rejecting anyone who approaches him. ( open for both ex's and any crushes on him ! )

insu did have a childhood crush long ago when he was a lot younger ( think elementary school/first 'love' type of thing ) but it was probably one-sided and never known to the other person ( another open plot idea to work with ! c: )

he not only wants to be an idol to show his dad that he can do what he loves and can make it on his own. he honestly wants to make music, sing/dance, and just be in the spotlight while receiving love from fans for what he does. it's not just some silly dream for him, it's his passion and he's more than determined to make this his future career if ever given the chance to do so. ( me being the mun that i am, i hope he fails a few times just to torture him a bit hehehe )

other than all of that, or rather those basic facts, insu is pretty much an 'open book' that i'm ready to develop over time and have him go through the ups and downs of going after his dream. this means that i'm open to any and all types of plots/connections whether they're cute ( or at least as 'cute' as they can possibly be with this rbf boy ), angsty, etc. so feel free to hit me up any time because i'm down for getting him out there and even having him ( eventually ) open up more. if you can get him to smile/laugh more? well, that would be greatly appreciated !

[eric-the-bmo]

The Neighborhood Watch S3 Ep2: Lost and Found

[Summary: John sees a familiar face, and Louis has a chat with Song's father. Someone from Markus's past makes a surprise visit.] @gr3y-plays-ttrpgs

This will be less formal today! Wanted to try out a more chill style again. Happy New Year btw!! <3

So, Last we left off: Shelby had gone missing.

John is trying So Hard to not panic because oh my god where's Shelby where did she go. He rolls well to Investigate, though he's visibly a bit more nervous than usual, and eventually finds a crowd! And screaming!!!

He pushes his way through and finds Shelby at the center- a crowd's gathered around her, taking pictures and selfies with her.

John is relieved- of course , everything's fine, she had just run into some fans of hers, he was overreacting- and then Shelby spots him and waves, and suddenly the crowd is looking at him!! He's a deer in the headlights as people recognize him; while he's never shown his face on camera, he's appeared in the background of Shelby's streams at times. Shelby eventually sees the attention is making him uncomfortable, so she gets the people to leave, pulls him aside, and- after they both go "hey where were you??"- she asks if he's okay, does he need some air?

John can tell that Shelby wants to stay, so he refuses the offer despite everything happening, and the two of them go to play blackjack.

But then, from the dealer's part of the table is a familiar voice: "John?" It's Clara. You know, the girl he's been avoiding for a whole month.

---

Meanwhile at the North Hotel, Song, her father, and Louis are continuing the tour. Song's father pays for lunch at one of the restaurants the hotels have; it's this New Orleans place, and it's kinda close to how Louis remembers food being back there.

Song's dad asks Louis how he likes Greenville, and our southern gentleman is all "well i was hoping it would a nice place to have an early retirement, but so far it's been... Well it's an interesting place with interesting people." He continues, and I'm counting this as another "this town is weird" rant. He says he works in personal security and finances when asked about his job, and Song's dad finds out Louis used to work for one of his branch companies.

The food arrives; they talk about Song's studies, her mom is mentioned (HELLO? IS SONG'S MOM DEAD??), and meanwhile Louis is trying so so hard to be chill and not freak out bc Man, his girlfriend's dad is really intimidating!!! Speaking of the man, he asks if they've got plans later and Song is all "yeah, cooking lessons"- which, btw: sometimes song and louis actually do cook, and sometimes they do... other stuff- howver her dad doesn't know this and is all "oh, nice! Anyway i should get going, work duties and all"

He pays for the lunch, gives Song some extra cash, and also finally introduces himself to Louis by name: Greyson. He goes to shake Louis' hand; it's a firm handshake, and Louis tries to match it. Greyson does that whole Scary Dad thing of "take care of my daughter now, ok?" and walks off.

Song tells Louis he did a great job talking to her dad! Meanwhile since Greyson left, Louis is able to show how nervous he was the whole time, holding his hurting hand like "aaa thanks darling :'-)"

Song asks Louis how he ended up here anyway- Louis said he had a lot of heat on him (his vampiric ex, a detective, etc), and when he found out he won a raffle he didn't even enter for a house, he took the chance and left. They have a whole conversation I unfortunately didn't catch, about fate and coincidences.

Song kisses Louis against the wall and heads into the casino to find Shelby and John. Louis is extremely flustered before he goes to follow.

Markus heads home to find a tourist couple waiting outside their house, asking if it's the bug museum that was listed on Google Maps, because they would like a tour! Markus is like "oh my god my house is a location on google maps now?? what the fuck???" but gives them the tour anyway.

They're very attentive, asking all sorts of questions- at first Markus is socially anxious about it, but eventually the joy of their special interest takes over, and they ramble about it ☆

But Markus only has enough social energy, and it turns out the tourists paid enough to come back The Next Day, and as they leave Markus leans against the wall, dreading more social interaction.

There's a knock on the door.

Markus goes to open it ("I swear if it's that rat-summoning creep again-") and upon seeing who it is they immediately slam it shut. After the shock wears off, they slowly open it again.

They ask their sister, Analetta, how she managed to find them.

She holds up her phone- Google maps. ("Do our parents know where I am?" "No, they don't.") She hugs them, crying, and while Markus hugs back they reassure her that everything is fine? There's no reason to cry?? ("I mean, I don't have a car but besides that everything's fine-")

Analette says Markus had just disappeared without telling anyone- Markus is like "Do you blame me?" They tell her they vanished because a way to leave home had suddenly appeared for them, and they didn't know if a chance like that would ever show up again; They didn't really have to take things or people with them.

Analetta tells them she managed to visit them by saying she's studying abroad ("oh thank god you didn't move here"), and Markus apologizes for slamming the door in her face. They ask if she'd like to meet their friends. Analetta's like "oh my god? you have friends??" and pokes fun at their sibling when they mention Shelby. Markus is all "No it's not like that, she's my friend," and the two argue over who's going to pay for the food they're going to get from the only DoorDash guy in town (who, btw, is also the only weed dealer in town- they get some of that too).

As they eat sushi Markus fills her in on everything, and while she knows about their bugs, they omit the rest of the supernatural stuff- they don't wanna drag her into all of this. Analetta says that life got harder back home when Markus left, and while she's trying to live the life her parents want her to live, it's killing her inside. She took an opportunity to leave, and wanted to visit Markus one last time. They say she can stay as long as she wants, and might take them up on it; She's actually supposed to be in Japan right now.

Markus sends a text to the group chat so the Main Cast can their sister.

In the hotel, Song and Louis finally get a text notif for the message, which reads: “PLEASE COME TO MY HOUSE ITS SUPER IMPORTANT PLEASE!!!!!”

Louis texts back like "Hey sorry we got this late, is it still possible to come over?"

“YES STILL AT HOUSE PLEASE HURRY”

Song and Louis are all "ok we should find shelby and john," and they bump into Sammy on the way over– he helps one of them up, since he accidentally knocked one of them onto the floor.

Meanwhile, John is in a social scenario hell- yes, Clara is here, being kinda cold and professional (and part of him wonders if she's making sure he keeps losing), but you wanna know who else is here? Harold, that little creep who was really rude to Shelby last season!! John hates this man- He manages to scare him off by Staring at him with his monster eyes.

At this point, Song and Louis show up like "hey, we got a text from Markus and they want us to come over, and we don't wanna disappoint them like last time." (John doesn't say anything about how he actually visited them last time they asked, so-)

(Shelby notices that hey, yeah, the cell service is shit here in this casino!)

Anyway, so John and Shelby get up to leave but Clara insists that John cash in his chips- as she's doing this for him, she discreetly hands him a small note. He catches the vibe he should look at it later, and leaves the Casino with the Main Cast. As they leave, everyone's phone clocks correct themselves to match the current time outside the casino- it's currently around 3pm. John trails behind the group as usual, and opens the note to read it.

"Meet me out front at 5:30 after my shift."

Notes/Commentary:

I forgot Shelby was lowkey a celebrity lmao

It's canon that every single photo of John is a little bit blurry! That's so funny <3

Hi. Something about John sacrificing small bits of comfort (ie not leaving the casino to chill out) bc he wants Shelby to be okay/not leave her.... he has issues

Hey Song. What's with your mom, did she leave? die? what's up??

The GM informed me later that casino workers are meant to be all formal and not show favoritism at their jobs, right, and Sir i think she was doing the Opposite of favoritism /lh

John being able to initimidate people is very cool, thank you GM

MARKUS LORE MARKUS LORE

I was? Not aware our guys had a group chat??

SAMMY?? SIR?? weren't u being kidnapped earlier whats going on /lh

My notes say "Song easily finds John bc he's tall as fuck"

The players are placing bets (/j) on if Clara is a secret monster hunter or not-

John is fully expecting to get yelled at by her btw :-(

I so badly want him to try and date her or somehting. please for the love of god can john actually kiss someone and be really nervous about it bc he's never done that before and wants to try it out, and maybe he'll have to roll for Hunger bc his teeth are So So close to human flesh and it'll just be Dramatic <3

[fireyturtle]

It's late enough at night that I think I can post videos and pics to show everyone what happened to us through the hurricane.

This was storm surge about to enter my house after Hurricane Ian hit. Each of us quickly packed our necessities, our memories, anything important to us into a bag and pushed through rising water into our cars to evacuate to higher ground. Keep in mind the wind is still going over 100mph when we went outside. We thought our house was going to flood. We were either going to die in the house or die in our cars outside. We managed to evacuate safely to a friend's house and slept there for the night. On Thursday morning we drove back to our house to make sure it was okay.

It flooded our garage but did not go inside our house by some miracle. The water must've stopped rising soon after we left. When we left it was already touching the front door so I thought for sure it would've flooded inside. You can see from the box, that it was about a foot or more of water creeping up to our house. Our house survived another hurricane. We just had to clean up the yard and survive however long it would take for utilities to turn back on.

The trauma and fear from this is unreal. I've lived in this house literally my entire life. We've never moved once. And I thought I was about to have lost everything I've ever known. I thought we were going to be homeless. I actually thought we were all going to die. I called my fiancé and literally gave him my final words. I told him how much I love him and that this may be the last time we talk ever again. I made a goodbye video so he could see me one last time. If anything happened to us or our cars while we were outside, I believed we would die. It is only by sheer luck did we survive and make it through this the way we did.

What I worry about now is that it's been a week since the hurricane hit but we still don't have power. One of my jobs doesn't have power. We struggled to get gas until recently. None of us can work and have income to pay our bills. And those bills are coming up at the end of the month. I work 2 jobs to help pay for things and only one of them has power. The one that is the furthest away, costing me more gas and more money.

At the end of this month I plan to visit my fiance. This was a pre-planned trip months in advance and already paid for. I'm not giving up this opportunity to see him and us hold each other and cry from almost losing each other forever. But while I'm gone, I worry about my family being able to take care of themselves. They still may not be back to work by the time I leave just because of how long it's taken to repair everything. I'm going to be leaving funds for them here while I'm away but I worry it's not enough. So I created a paypal link in case anyone wants to donate to help my family out.

If you want to know more about my family, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in January 2021. This January makes 2 years since his diagnosis and it's scary for us all. We still have to continue paying for his treatment and lab work. He's been so stressed through this I'm worried it's going to affect his health. Because of his lung cancer, he's not able to work anymore and has retired. If he pushes himself too hard, he'll get really weak and wheeze. He struggles to catch his breath and almost collapses. He's already done this to himself a couple of times this week due to the stress and heat.

My mom and brother both work from home, but that requires an internet connection. We can get power back but still not have internet, so they still won't be able to work.

I have a 14 year old chihuahua named Taz who I love with all my heart. He's been stressed out since we evacuated suddenly on Thursday. He sleeps in front of a fan for half of the day cause the heat is too much for him in his age. We do our best to make him comfortable. Here he is sleeping in front of the fan:

My brother's wife also lives with us so that makes 5 people in one house plus a small dog. Our food bill was like $250-$300 a week just on dinner meals and some snacks. We've tried our best to trim it down as much as possible but $200-$300 seems to be the range. We've stored some food in preparation for the hurricane, so we do have some stock for now, but we will have to buy more food at some point and that will cost money we don't really have right now. At the end of this month our bills are due. Literally 2-3 weeks from now. And no one other than me would have been working during that time. And I do not make even close to enough to pay for all of our bills. And since I will be gone, there's next month to worry about as well.

I don't know how long it will take the city to recover from this. I don't know how long it will take for my family to recover. But we are all heavily traumatized and stressed out. That's why any and all help is greatly appreciated. I have friends around me who can give me a place to shower or wash my clothes, but I wouldn't dare ask them for money during this. They are hurting too.

I created this paypal.me link a few days ago. If all you can send is $1, that's fine. I appreciate it nonetheless. I know things are tough on everyone.

If you have the ability to donate and wish to, my link is:

Paypal.me/fireyturtle

If this doesn't work for you, let me know and I will figure something out. Thank you if you've read this far. Please be safe and well.

[musingsoflys]

My husband is driving me crazy

TW 2nd paragraph: unaliving

What a year. What a week. Last week we bought our youngest a motorcycle (dual sport for plenty of off-roading). Cool. Turns out, we need about another $1000 worth of stuff to go with it: new handlebars b/c the original ones bend, also because we need to add guards for the handles and those can't be added to the originals b/c the ends of those handlebars are capped and practically impossible to open up. Plus skid plates to protect the body of the bike during crashes; plus an off-road helmet b/c it has more visibility than the road helmet kiddo inherits from older sib; plus jacket and pants and boots, plus a bag for in front to hold the phone (for map and emergencies); plus...plus...plus.... I'm exhausted with it. If I'd known ahead of time about all this extra stuff, We would've waited to buy the bike till we had some of the stuff already, but my husband is so freaking impatient! I'm also trying to financially plan & prepare for retirement (I'll still get another full-time job), but he is afraid (paranoid) that we'll just end up broke, so he thinks we should go ahead and buy 'all the things' now. And he doesn't think my plan for my next career will make enough $ because his dad pursued the sane career field, and he didn't make enough money at it. Granted it's not a particularly high paying career field, but I have a master's degree, and his dad didn't. And this one's me, I accidentally let us spend the last $1000 we had of emergency savings. So the only "cushion" is credit cards, and they're almost maxed, plus, with the increase in inflation and interest rates, the payments are barely paying off interest now. So I'm trying to pay as much as possible with cash, but the 1st of the month paycheck doesn't go as far b/c of the way the bills come due, plus other kiddo has run out of own $ and is currently not working (is actively looking though), so needs gas money and such. We have the oldest kid's motorcycle to sell ... or trade in as a down payment on a 4-wheeler. It would be nice to be able to someone to go out off-roading with the kiddo on the new motorcycle, for both fun and safety. DH has a job application for the bike shop. I told him I'm on board with the 4-wheeler (the trick is keeping the price down) once he has a paycheck. Oh, and he also still has debt on a card he got at this last job! Good thing we have decent health insurance. Wednesday night, he was feeling extra depressed and unloved. He had been waiting for me to do something for him, but I was getting all the other things done first, and it was taking a long time, over and hour, and he was getting peevish and trying to guilt trip me ("I guess now you're just gonna want to go to bed" instead of helping him out.) He said I shouldn't have stopped him from unaliving himself a year and a half ago. He said he wanted a divorce and then he would kill himself. He looked around the garage at all the half-used equipment he has bought over the years. Like he kept buying camping stuff hoping it would fix our family if we'd just go camping more often, because he likes it so much. He started chiseling a block of wood, and as he turned the chisel across the grain, it slipped. He stopped and said something about needing to be careful, he almost cut himself. He started chiseling again, same pattern, it slipped again and he cut himself right in the webbing between the thumb and forefinger. We were bandaging it but it was squelching, so we decided to go to the ER. At least it got him out of his funk, but I think the cut was subconsciously intentional. This happened around midnight; apparently we checked into the ER at 1am. We got home at 4:45am (the sky was starting to lighten in the east already!).

[im-in-love-with-pizza-bites]

Ranch Hand: Chapter 12

Farmer!Veteran!Bucky Barnes X Teen!Reader (Small town and Farmer AU)

Series MasterList

Series summary: You ran away from your nightmare of a family, you found a small town, population 200. In this town you meet a retired army veteran turned farmer who hires you as farm hand. Only mystery will you two be able overcome your pasts together.

Chapter Summary: Bucky starts getting ready for you.

Series Warnings: Mentions nightmares, Child abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, war, swearing, mentions death by cancer, mentions of alcohol and illegal substance abuse. please tell me if you see anymore!!! But do so politely please.

Chapter Warnings: Mentions foster care and foster parents

Divider: @skylightlantern

Bucky hasn't talked or seen you in a few days. You were successfully removed from your mom and stepdad's home. Your step dad was getting charged with, child abuse, assault, and driving under the influence. Your mom was being charged with, child abuse, child endangerment, and assault of a officer. She got into a little altercation with one of the cops, Joaquin Torres, who was arresting her. He's okay luckily just a little bruised luckily Sam, who as arresting your step dad jumped in to help Torres. Because this is a small town they normally only have one or two officers on duty at a time. Nothing too big happens here except bar fights and traffic stops.

On to other news, you're currently in a few towns over with a foster family until Bucky is able to take you in. He immediately started the process. Steve built you a bed, and then refurbished some old furniture for Bucky to use in your room. Bucky couldn't get his mind off of you, he had no clue where you were, and he hasn't got to talk to you. But Ms. Peters assured him that you're safe.

"Buck I need your help carrying the bed up." Steve says walking in. "Buck?"

"Huh? Sorry just thinking. Where is it?"

"In my truck, I took it apart but it's easy to rebuild." He looks at his friend concerned. He doesn't think Bucky should do this. He's having a hard time coming back to himself after the accident. Sure Steve has a hard time sometimes but Bucky, he knows Bucky deals with nightmares every night. Sure some aren't as bad and others but it still takes a toll on Bucky but he won't go to see someone. He knows your gonna be a little messed up in the head too, you probably also have PTSD he just doesn't want Bucky taking on more than he can handle.

"Okay lets get it upstairs then." Bucky said putting his work boots on. Steve follows him out to the truck before the get all the pieces into a small back bedroom. It's next door to Bucky's room. It was empty before, except a few boxes and Bucky's flag that he's been meaning to put on the mantle for month. It's was a beige but Bucky planned on repainting it when you moved in. He just needs it to have the basic necessities, bed, dresser, window closet, but Steve did draw a picture of the farm to hang up in your room.

"It looks good."

"Thank you for your help Steve."

"Of course man." He smiles at his friend.

———

You sigh walking down the stairs. These people were nice but you didn't want to be here. You knew no one, and you just wanted to see Bucky and the animal. You start school in a week and you're not ready, you won't no anyone there. You just want to be with people you know and trust. Luckily you can use your phone now. You had it turned off with the battery taken out of it when you were on the run. But now it's back on and you can text your friends.

You have your own room, and yeah it's nice having a bed, and being able to shower. But you don't have a bike, which you hope is still at Bucky's. Your dad bought you that bike a year before his death.

"Good morning." Your foster dad's, Nathan says smiling. He was a stay at home (foster) dad, currently in they have 2 foster kids, you included and their 2 kids.

"Morning." You mumble sitting at the kitchen table next to your foster sister, Phoebe.

"I talked to your caseworker she gave us the number of the guy who's going to foster you after us!" He says as he gives you the breakfast he made.

"You have bucky's number? Can I have it?" You perk up.

"Of course you can."

"Thank you." You smile. You put the number in your phone, deciding you'll call him later. You eat your breakfast in silence as your foster dad and the other children talk. "I'm going for a walk." You say before leaving the table. You out your shoes on and walked out. You looked at your phone as you walked down the street. You should call Bucky.

You click his contact before calling. You hope that he will answer. You need to hear his voice, you need to know that he's actually trying to foster you. You just need to know you can still depend on him. You don't like depending on people, it never ended well in the past, by you don't have a choice here.

"Yeah?" You smile hearing.

"Bucky? It's y/n/"

"Y/n! They gave you my number! Thank goodness I was really worried about you." Bucky says into the phone softly.

"Really?"

"Yeah. How's your foster home?"

"It's fine I guess, they're nice. But they're just I don't know they try to hard." You say.

"They just want you to be comfortable." He tries to assure.

"I know but I don't want to be here."

"Well then I have good news for you! I'm safety proofing the farm so I can be a foster parent!"

"Why would you have to safety proof if I'm the only person your fostering and I'm 14." You say confused.

"I don't know I chose not to question it. What color do you want your room?"

"I don't care."

"Beige it is! I didn't really want to paint it." He chuckles.

"Mhm. Bucky will you be there at the court hearing? Mrs. Peters said I have to testify against them. I don't want to be in the same room as them."

"Yeah I'll be there in the audience I promise." You smile to yourself as you sit on a bench at this random playground you found.

"Thank you."

"Of course. Steve built you a bed and refurbished a dresser for you. So you're room is almost done! Is until next week to get my house ready cause someone from Cps is going to come check it out."

"Do you think I'll be back in marvel falls before school starts?"

"Probably not. But Steve has a friend, Tony who's mentee is about your age, so maybe I can introduce you to him so you know someone." Bucky offers. "He's an okay guy, I guess but maybe he can introduce you to some people he's lived here his whole life."

"I guess I'll meet him."

"Okay I'll talk to Steve. I don't get along with Tony, so Steve will be a middle man."

"Okay buck I have to go bye."

"Bye Doll text me okay? And call me whenever."

"Okay."

Taglist: @rachaelswrites @killerqueenfan @lukajim @lrosenblut26 @worldssidechick @littleolive24 @mischiefsemimanaged @retiredfromglad @katopotato0 @xennityxen @bucky-boo-bear @thekillingjoke-haha @sunny-the-kitsune @i-have-no-life-charlie @tired-spider-siblings @buckymydarlingangel @ducks1011 @evans-stan-thirstthots @buckysbaaee @amorluzymelodia @hanainneverland @bxtchboy69 @wooya1224 @bubs-world @marvelbabes24 @its-sunflower-stardew @lil-mamas-stuff @ogmisslove @austynparksandpizza @wickedravyn @fluffy-bnny @yoruebeautiful @carmellasworld @icrytomuch @teddybear2luv @krissydclayton93 @devilslilbabysblog @masterof-agony @gamingdevil101 @holybatflapexpert @oceaniamaddness

[vdlest]

Sunset's Beauty

Characters:

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary:

Now that you and Bucky are retired from being part of the Avengers, it's now time you two prioritized living your happily ever after.

Warning:

Fluff

Words:

1.3k

You watch the two most important people in your life as they play and roam around the beach as the sunsets. The wind continues to embrace your skin, your feet playfully bury themselves to the sand as your lips form a smile from watching Bucky and your son, Calix. And watching them made little flashbacks in your mind, remembering all the things you and Bucky have been through after you two retired from being part of the Avengers.

The sight of the hallway and the briefing room on your last day in the compound is still fresh in your mind, how each agent you pass by says their best wishes for you and Bucky's upcoming wedding and retirement, how Fury hugged you and thanked you for being part of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Avengers, how Sam held back his tears when he saw you and Bucky loading your bags on your car.

It wasn't an easy decision to make for you and Bucky. The two of you have been part of the Avengers for the past years of your lives and being part of it is what you two believe is the main highlight of your lives. However, your last mission made you two realized that life is too short to take everything for granted. Bucky almost lost you in the last mission, and so he promised himself, he won't take any single second for granted anymore.

So after your last day in the compound, you and Bucky planned a simple wedding. The only ones who are invited are your close family and friends. It was just a simple ceremony to share with the few people who made you two destined for each other.

And five years later, here you are, living your lives together in the best way possible you could think of.

A year after you and Bucky got married, you got pregnant and soon gave birth to a healthy baby boy. You and Bucky named him Calix, which means very handsome. Bucky would always be annoyed when people would tell both of you that Calix looks like you, but you would always tell Bucky that Calix got his eyes from him and your son's charm no doubt came from your husband.

The first few months of being parents were hard for you, especially after you gave birth but Bucky made it easier for you. He never left your side. He will always take the night shift in taking care of Calix and you. He will volunteer to change the diapers no matter what he was doing. He will carry Calix and roam him around the house just to entertain the crying baby, night and day, even though you'd see him yawn while doing it.

"Mommy!"

That angelic voice of your son made all your flashbacks disappear in thin air. You saw him running towards you, and Bucky was behind him, following his footsteps.

You opened your arms and Calix immediately hugged you, "Aww! My baby is not so baby anymore," you commented as he wrapped his arms around you.

Calix is all grown up, but to you and Bucky, he's still the same 8.7 lbs. baby you gave birth to. He was the biggest baby in the nursery at that time and that explained the stretch marks you had when you were pregnant with him. But no matter how many stretch marks you had, the joy of seeing him for the first time will always make everything worth it.

"Time for a new baby, I guess?" Bucky naughtily suggested, which made you glare at him and made him chuckle afterward.

It's a good thing Calix is too young to understand his dad's naughtiness. He just sat down on your lap and showed you the seashells he and Bucky collected while they were playing and roaming around the seashore.

"Wow! That's a lot of seashells. Are you gonna bring it home and hang it in your room?" you asked him.

Calix nodded, "'Gonna show this first to grandpa!" he stood up and run towards the beach house that your parents own, leaving you and Bucky alone together.

It's summertime and you got an invitation from your parents to spend a quick summer vacation in this beach house, also so they can spend time with Calix.

You find the invitation perfect since you and Bucky wanted to go somewhere this summer to spend quality time together. Your parents happily offered to take care of Calix while you and Bucky have time for each other as well, and you knew why they wanted for you and Bucky to have lots of time alone together. They wanted to have another grandchild, which you and Bucky already discussed.

"Can't believe we've gone this far already," Bucky uttered out of nowhere, making your eyes met his.

"Uh-oh, someone's being sentimental," you joked as you motion him to lay down on the picnic blanket and rest his head on your thighs.

He lay down and rested his head on your thighs, his eyes are looking up at yours, "I just...I just can't believe it has been five years since I got married to the most wonderful woman I've ever met in my entire life," he grabbed your hand and kissed the back of it.

You run your fingers through his hair, "And I can't believe you're this cheesy because when we first met you were the grumpiest," you joked again.

Bucky was telling the God damn truth -- the two of you have gone far already.

It was like only yesterday when you two first joined forces in a mission and you two hated each other's guts, but eventually you two found that way to fall in love with each other. And that's something you and Bucky owe to your Avengers' life. Because of it, you met each other and got married.

You thought, if only Nat, Steve, and Tony were also there to see how good your life with Bucky is, you bet they'll be happy for both of you. But wherever they are, you know they are looking down up there, smiling ear to ear because they can see from wherever they are that you and Bucky are happy together.

Just like any other relationship, you and Bucky experienced highs and lows, turns and twists, but what's important is that you two never gave up and always think of why you two were together in the first place, because of love.

"Y/n, can I ask you something?" he sounded so serious this time.

Your brows raised, "What?" you asked him, still running your fingers through his hair.

"Do you regret our decision?"

Without mentioning what decision he's pointing out, you knew what it is.

"Bucky," you cupped his cheek and smiled at him, "It was the best decision I've ever made in my entire life. It was a sad decision to make, it was sad to leave the life we got used to, but it was only a matter of time before we choose to live the life we want to and this is it. I'd still choose that decision over and over again, knowing that you and Calix will be the best result of that decision," you told your husband.

Bucky got up from your lap and this time, he was the one who cupped your face, "Same goes with me." He let go of your cheek and grabbed your hand, "I'm living my best life with you and Calix. So thank you, thank you for doing this with me."

"No," you shook your head, "I should be the one thanking you," you retorted. "Thank you for putting me and Calix your number one and only priority. Thank you for making me this happy," you proclaimed.

Instead of answering your gratitudes, his hand traveled to the back of your neck and pull you towards him to give your lips a kiss.

His kiss was soft and pure of love. All you could sense is how much he loves you and how willing he is to sacrifice anything for you and your family, that's what you both did five years ago.

And no matter where life takes both of you, it doesn't matter, as long as you two are together, everything is in its right place.

-v.dl

[miceenscene]

'tis the damn season

frankie/reader | childhood friends to lovers | pre-canon

wc: 1.8k/2.5k

summary: At one point in your lives, you knew Frankie better than anyone else on earth. When did that change?

warnings: none

an: don't let anyone tell you that second person doesn't work from another character's perspective, least of all yourself while editing

Masterpost | ao3

Chapter 2: Who am I Related to?

December 8, 2012 18:57

Hudson’s was a shitty bar just up highway 210 outside of Fort Bragg, the nearest watering hole to the base as the crow flies.

As a result, it served pretty damn near exclusively military personnel. When it changed ownership about four years back, the new management decided to reflect that and so the place looked like the Fourth of July and Top Gun had thrown up on it. Never mind that Fort Bragg was an Army base. Still, they had cheap booze and greasy food that was far better than the commissary, so it was always busy.

Pope had texted the usual suspects a few hours ago that he was heading to Hudson’s that evening, making Frankie immediately ditch his plans of drinking alone for drinking with Pope and whoever else showed up. Most likely just Benny and Ironhead now that Redfly had semi-retired down to Florida. It was a short drive to the bar from the dorms on base, but it was enough to make Frankie groan and press hands to his lower back as he got out of his car and made his way inside.

Pope was sitting at the bar and didn’t look up from texting on his phone as Frankie gingerly eased into the stool next to him.

“Hey, Fish,” Pope said, rereading the email.

“Hey.” At the bartender’s attention, Frankie pointed to Pope’s beer before daring a slight back stretch.

Pope sent his email and then looked over. “You alright?”

“Yeah, just finished PT.”

He chuckled once. “Back still fucked?”

“More tired than fucked anymore,” Frankie managed, shaking his head and wincing. The bartender delivered his beer, and Frankie took a swig. “When did we get old?”

“¿De qué estás hablando ‘nosotros’, viejo?”

Frankie jabbed an elbow and grinned slightly down at his next swig. “Culero.”

“Hey, before everyone gets here–” Pope looked at him, an oddly serious expression on his face for their usual bar. “I found out today you haven’t re-enlisted yet.”

Frankie immediately dropped his gaze to the suddenly very interesting glass in his hand. “Ah, no. No, I haven’t.”

“I’m trying to pull strings to get Benny into our unit full-time. I think he’d fit well with the team. Then Simmons tells me you haven’t signed your new papers yet. So what’s up?”

Frankie glanced over to see Pope still focused on him. “Nothing, nothing. I… I’m still thinking about it.”

He chuckled. “What’s there to think about?”

“We all want out someday, right? If we’re lucky enough to choose when we leave.”

“Yeah, but there’s thinking and thinking.” Pope smacked his shoulder. “What – are you gonna become a real estate agent like Redfly?”

No. Definitely not. Even just the idea of shilling condos was enough to make Frankie’s eyes glaze over. But still–

“Real estate agents make more money than we do.”

Pope made a considering face for a moment then brushed it off. “Yeah, but you’d miss it. You’re like me. We like the rush.”

Frankie nodded slightly. This is why he was still just thinking about it. It wasn’t a small thing to walk away from fourteen years with the Army. Especially since everyone knew the retirement benefits were absolute shit until you hit twenty. But he could already tell, he didn’t have another six years in him. He wasn’t even sure he had another deployment.

“You know the deadline’s New Year’s, right?” Pope said, cutting through his thoughts.

“Yeah, I know. I have some leave I have to take before the year’s out anyway.”

Pope nodded. “Good. Clear your head, get some perspective. See how fucking boring civvy life is, and then come back Jan 2 and join my team.”

Frankie smiled wryly; Pope always could make anything sound easy. “Something like that.”

“You have holiday plans then?” he asked, leaning an elbow on the bar.

Frankie sucked in breath. “I guess I’ll go back to my parents’. My mom’s been wanting me to visit for a while now.”

“How long’s it been?”

“I saw them in DC last summer, but I haven’t been back home… since I joined Delta.”

“Remind me where they’re at.”

“Up north. Little town in the middle of nowhere. Still in the same house I grew up in.” He could picture the wreath on the door, the twinkling lights his dad always strung across the front fence every December. A matching set used to be hung on the fence exactly opposite across the street. Who lived there now, he wondered. Would they put the tree in the front window too?

“Soldier coming home for Christmas. Sounds like a Hallmark movie.”

“Fuck you,” Frankie replied as the others finally arrived.

--

Frankie got his answer as he ducked out the front door of his parent’s house about a week later. His breath immediately fogged as he sucked in a few calming breaths of night air, the pressure in his head slowly levelling. Out in the still darkness, the noise level coming from the living room was finally manageable. Inside, with all of his cousins and his aunts and uncles and the music and everyone talking over each other and the heater set far too high for the number of people inside– he… he just needed a break.

Seven hours was a decent stint for his first day. He’d be around longer tomorrow. Wading in. That was the key. Because he was now the kind of person that had to treat time with his family like running a marathon. Apparently.

He walked down to the twinkling front fence, making a mental note to shovel the front walk tomorrow, and stopped. The house across the street – your house, as it would forever be in his mind – was completely dark. A small sign posted in the front yard announced some sort of home refurbishment company was going to be arriving soon. No doubt they would come in, strip away wallpaper and old tile and heart to paint it all beige and granite for the quick resell.

He hadn’t had the heart to ask his mother yet how long the house hadn’t belonged to your family. No need for another reminder of how much time had passed, how much he’d missed. He had more than enough already.

The front door opened behind him, casting a temporary warm glow across the dark snow, and his dad stepped out, pipe in hand. He meandered down the front steps to join Frankie at the gate, puffing a few times before speaking.

He shook his head. “It’d break his heart to see it so empty, but I understand why she sold,” he said, looking at the forlorn house with him.

“How long ago?” Frankie asked.

“Few months. Not too long after the funeral.” Dad looked his way for a moment. “I’ll give it ten minutes before I tell your mother you left.”

“I… thanks,” he replied weakly.

“Will you be back tomorrow?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be back.”

Dad nodded slowly, leaving just the pipe smoke wafting between them for a minute. “Take it slow, no need to rush.”

“Thanks.” He stepped through the gate, fishing in his pocket for his car keys.

“Francisco,” he said, making Frankie stop and look at him. “We’re glad you’re back.”

Frankie just nodded and went to his car. Even though he couldn’t bear another minute in the noisy press of his loved ones, the idea of going back to his lonely hotel room was truly abysmal. So after some finagling with the ignition, he started the engine and headed to the one bar he’d ever been to in his hometown.

--

There were Christmas lights in the window and a dancing Santa on the bar as Frankie walked in. Some sort of forcibly cheery holiday classic played over the speakers tucked between quirky memorabilia that hung over every square inch of wall space. And even though public smoking had been outlawed by the state well over a decade ago, cigarette stench had sunk into the very foundation of the place.

It was nothing like Frankie remembered. But it would do.

Eyes automatically sweeping across the moderately busy room for a Thursday night, he headed for a stool at the far end of the bar, ordering a beer when the bartender came by. It was just one step up from swill, but comfortably numbing in its mediocrity. He looked across the room again, checking for familiar faces this time and finding none. No surprise there. A decade was a long time, and really he hadn’t been around too much for the years before that too.

There were couples on dates here, friend groups, some sort of girls’ night happening in the corner, a few loners like him hovering at the bar. Most everyone was smiling, talking, laughing so hard their whole bodies shook. A whole world of Normal. And Frankie was a tourist.

Pope was right. He couldn’t go back to this. He couldn’t make it through one whole day with blood relatives anymore. What was he thinking? That he could just settle into a normal life like the last decade of his work was nothing? Get a 9-to-5 and a mortgage and a girl – not that he’d ever had too much luck in that department. Especially when there was one girl that eclipsed all others, and he didn’t even know her phone number any more.

The door opened, making the Santa on the bar dance, and every thought in Frankie’s head immediately stopped. His eyes drew wide as he stared, jaw barely restrained from slapping against his chest. Was it really – course it was, there wasn’t anyone else it could be. A whole century could pass, and he’d still know that face.

It was you.

Live, in the flesh you. Cheeks pinked from the wind, haloed by the street lights outside, wrapped in a truly astonishing number of woolen layers. Not a half-remembered fantasy, but Real and breathing and even more beautiful than his memory had claimed.

He watched you shake a few flurries out of your hair and stomp the excess snow off your boots, shutting the door behind you as you waved to the bartender. Your gaze swung across the bar, completely skimming past him, and landed on the girls’ night in the corner. You smiled. He stared.

You began to head over to the people you were obviously here to meet. On nothing but pure instinct, he immediately got out of his stool and followed you. Falling into step behind you, he stretched a hand forward to hook a few fingers inside your elbow.

You looked back at him, and for a heart-breaking breath there was no recognition in your eyes.

Till he gave you a half-smile and said, “Hey Bo.”

You blinked, mouth dropping open. “Frankie?” you asked.

He nodded.

Your astonishment ballooned so wide it froze your whole face solid for a moment. Then you laughed, out of far more shock than amusement, and gave him a smile all his own. “Oh my god!! You’re here!”

You immediately wrapped him in a hug. And though it took him a moment to return it, for the first time in ten whole years, he was home.

Chapter 3: Not my Homeland Anymore

taglist: @kelenloth ; @darnitdraco ; @gracie7209 ; @616wilsons ; @icanbeyourjedi ; @astroboots ;

[niniblack]

Top 5 Fan Works of 2021

Bit late to this but here goes! Thanks for tagging me @frostysunflowers

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2021. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

1. old ghosts keep whispering

It’s 2019. In a universe where Thanos didn’t snap: Steve Rogers has retired and Sam Wilson has taken up the shield; Bucky Barnes has his mind to himself again and is trying to make amends; Tony Stark has moved upstate with his wife and infant daughter; and there’s a new masked vigilante haunting the streets of Queens.

And in other news, there are still no new leads in the 2007 unsolved disappearance of three-year-old Nicholas Stark from the Italian beach villa where he was vacationing with family and staff.

I'm gonna be honest, I wrote this over the course of a weekend, while manic. The idea came to me and grabbed me by the teeth and would not let go. And it has still not let go. Which is why it's a series now. But this first fic, with Bucky's part of the story, is the one demanded to be written. I find the themes about him making amends really interesting. The way he spends all of TFATWS making friends with the old man who's son he killed, as if that will make it right, only realize in the end that what he actually has to do if tell the truth and offer the man closure. It's more painful for them both, they were both happier as friends, but what the man needed was the closure about his son's death, and only Bucky could give it to him. And then, once he'd done it, he needed to walk away and leave him alone. And that's what Bucky does here too; he provides that closure to those he's wronged. He makes amends.

2. relieved to lie in the wreckage

When Obi-wan doesn’t follow Padmé to Mustafar, she’s able to convince Anakin to run away from everything with her. But this doesn't prevent his nightmares from coming true, and he's left alone in a hostile galaxy with the infants she begged him to protect.

One of the better things I've ever written, tbh. I got sucked into Star Wars again late '20/early '21, and read a ton of fic and was reminded how hard I ship Anidala and how much I kind of love them because they have issues. (Making a playlist for them is great.) Because, when it came down to it on Mustafar, Padmé actually was ready to take off with Anakin even knowing what he'd done. She was willing to overlook it to be with him. Also, I just really like Dad!Anakin.

3. The Simple Life

An AU of The Game Plan, set right after Civil War and featuring a very lonely Tony Stark with poor coping mechanisms; a very young Peter Parker who is losing track of how many lies he’s told; and a very busy Pepper Potts who is starting to see her ex-boyfriend in a new light.

Another one that probably contains some of my best writing. I feel like I grew quite a bit in skill last year overall, but I also wrote A LOT more last year than ever before in sheer time and quantity. This is one of my most tightly plotted fics, and for all that it is an AU of a film, it only follows that film at its bare bones. The meat of it is really in Tony's story, which is tied very firmly into explaining how he went from being single with no team at the end of Civil War to asking Pepper to marry him and being in a place where he was inviting Peter to join the Avengers in Homecoming. That attitude shift in just 5 months has always interested me, so I'm exploring it here, under more drastic circumstances.

4. my family (might be a walking disaster)

Nicholas Stark was kidnapped when he was three years old and never seen again. Now, at age fifteen, Peter Parker has discovered that Tony Stark is his father and he has a family he had no idea about. It’s not just him and Aunt May anymore, now he has a father, a stepmom, and a baby sister too. Oh, and he’s still Spider-Man.

He’s handling the whole thing like a champ. Really, everything is fine. He’s totally got this. It’s everyone else who is having issues.

Next one in the Nico series! I love biodad au's, and I love kidnapping fics, and biodad kidnapping fics, but I wanted to play around with some of the tropes in them. And I wanted to deal a little bit more with the trauma that sort of thing would leave on everyone involved, especially Peter (and what it means that he's forgotten or suppressed a lot of his early childhood because of that trauma). And how that impacts rebuilding a family.

5. The Best Thanksgiving Ever

Thanksgiving, 2024. It’s a year post-blip and Tony Stark has invited all his family and friends over to his idyllic lake house for a perfect holiday. It’s gonna be great. Perfect. Absolutely nothing is going to go wrong.

I just want them all to be HAPPY. Is that really too much to ask? One big happy family, coming together at the holidays in chaos.

-----

I have no idea who's done this and who hasn't so far! um... tagging @stillwaterseas @josselinkohl @jenniboo311 @turtletotem @spagbol99 @hale-13 @karinaisloud anyone else who wants to go wild!!

[one-abuse-survivor]

hey, stardust anon again! First of all, I want to thank you for saying those words on the last ask I sent you. It really made me feel validated. After that, I told my dad that I wasn't ready to give him another chance as I'm still really sad and angry about the way he last talked to me. He said it was fine, but now, 3 months later he contacted my mom again. He somehow figured out my plans for the future and wants to help me financially. I've always dreamed of moving out to another country and I've been saving money for 8 years now but I'm still not even close to getting there. I'm unemployed and my mom barely has enough money to pay the house bills. My dad retired from the military at a very high position so he has money for days. I never asked him anything aside from my alimony bc I never had any contact with him and I felt bad being a "gold digger" yknow. But now HE wants to help ME. I can't help but wonder what are his intentions? like, is he trying to buy my trust back? idk. I even wondered if maybe he's doing this because he's a pastor and as he almost died he thought he wasn't going to heaven or whatever, some religious thing. I just can't put my mind in the thought that maybe he actually changed and wants to help me out of love. He never loved me, never did anything out of love for me. Why now? Anyway, my mom and her side of the family all think I should accept the money as it's not a big deal on his bank account and it could seriously change my life. His side of the family thinks that if I accept the money but not him, I'm selfish and only using him for his money. And honestly I dont know what I think and what I should do... I want to accept bc I could finally move out but I dont want him in my life, so idk. What do you think? What would you do? - 💫

Previous ask

Hi again :) I'm glad to have helped and that you were able to establish that boundary with him!

I definitely think it's wise to question what his intentions are for helping you now when he hasn't helped you more than strictly necessary since you were born, and to not trust that he's suddenly changed and is doing this solely because he wants to help you.

On the other hand, I don't think his intentions matter—in that I don't think you would owe him anything after accepting his money regardless of his intentions. His side of the family can think whatever they want, but it wouldn't be selfish to accept his money but not him. As you said, you never asked for his money: he offered it. When you offer someone something, that doesn't make you entitled to anything you might want from them in return, does it? Think of another similar situation: if one person offers to buy another a drink, or pays their dinner on a date, does that mean the other person now owes them sex, and is selfish if they're not willing to give that? No, of course not, right? It's not different when it comes to parents—especially absent/toxic/abusive parents.

You asked what I'd do in your situation, and the truth is I also still get some money from my abuser. Back when I first had to deal with the whole "still getting money from her despite cutting her out" issue, one thing my therapist told me was, if my mother ever tries to use the fact she gives me money as a reason I should keep her in my life, to establish a clear boundary: “I am not accepting you in my life. If you don't want to give me money under that circumstance, then don't. If you do want to keep giving me money, go on, and thank you, but know you're doing it because you choose to, not because I asked you to. I don't owe you anything back.”

Our situations are very different, nonnie, so I can't tell you whether what worked for me will work for you. But I think, when making your decision, you should take into account whether you have the resources, external support, and mental strength to establish this sort of hard boundary with him and defend it if necessary. You also have to consider the fact his side of the family will resent you. At the end of the day, you have to do what's best for yourself, not what others will think is right, and you're absolutely allowed to ignore those people's opinions, but depending on the kind of people they are and the mental place you're at, their resentment could take a toll on you, so that's why I'm suggesting keeping that in mind. And if you do end up accepting his money, please, please work hard on reminding yourself of what I said in the first half of this reply: you do not owe him anything back. That means nothing. Not even replying to a call. Not a hello if you cross him in the street. Definitely not meeting him again or giving him any sort of chance. The more you internalise this, the easier it'll be to establish boundaries and the harder it'll be for him to guilt-trip you if he tries, because you'll know you've done nothing to feel guilty about.

I also think you should be wary about him "somehow figuring out" your plans for the future, because it could be a sign he's been looking for weaknesses or ways to have control over you. Be especially wary if he's offering to give you money monthly/every set amount of time instead of just once, because if that's the case, he knows you'll depend on his money to stay abroad, and he could potentially threaten to turn off the tap if you don't do what he wants.

Good luck with whatever you decide! Sending all my support your way ❤️

[walkerismychoice]

This is an urgent request how to live with someone who is old and diagnosed with parkinsons plus syndrome? My Dad has that and some days are ok. But the last week has been terrible. He doesn't recognize himself in the mirror & whenever he is sleepy he argues that he wants to go home when he is at home! He is retired now which a very sudden and drastic change because he had a fracture and is over 60 but that was almost 2 years ago (Aug this yr will b 2). Now this year onwards he has started all these recent things which made us consult a psychologist who told us to go to a neurologist. The day times are uncertain last 2 days in the evenings he almost left the house on his own to "go home". But the nights are what's killing us all. He has a history of uti (last yr) & he cnt control his urine (since few yrs but it has worsened since he was discharged from hospital after the fracture) so we put diaper for him to sleep in but since 8 nights he contantly gets up every 1.30hrs & insists on going to the washroom. The washroom is not that close but it is right out the bedroom. But he has a diaper so there's no need to get up but he doesn't listen! Moreover a couple of days he cnt even walk at nights. Like right now his legs were trembling and he was scared to move one foot in front of the other yet like a stubborn child beyond belief he kept trying to get up or ask me for help to take him. I don't think he can understand when we try to explain the diaper. Plus he can't talk properly. I'm in dire need of assistance. Every night same story. 2 nights last week I didn't sleep whole night. The week before that he made 💩on the bed till the toilet n in various rooms 2 nights in a row. We are beyond exhausted and worried. Don't make a person feel glad that you're gone. He is killing us! Cnt liv3 with him nor without him. This whole month my anxiety is beyond measure. I cry uncontrollably and feel so fucking angry at him. I might kill him and myself kz I killed my dad (no I will not but the anger is too much with the anxiety) PLEASE HELP ME. GIVE ME SOME USEFUL SUGGESTION/TIP SINCR YOU ARE A NURSE I'M BEGGING YOU

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I work in a long term care or, and some of my patients do have Parkinson's. How to treat it can be so different for everyone, but often takes a combination of physical therapy, medications, and learning to deal with the behaviors when they get dementia along with the physical symptoms.

You mentioned a neurologist. Have you been able to get him in yet? The neurologist can help with medications to treat the symptoms and try to slow the progression. They may also prescribe some psychiatric medications that can help him sleep better at night. Since it sounds like he is sundowning (more clear during the day and confused at night) getting the right timing of meds could be helpful. There's also different types of bed and door alarms if him getting up and wandering out of the home is a concern.

You've written a lot here and I know I didn't 100% address it all, but it really is best to follow the advice/treatment plan of a neurologist who is well-versed in Parkinson's. If you have some more specific questions or requests for recommendations, let me know.