#my ex had me apologizing to them for months when we broke up because I felt like it was my fault for being upset with them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jenscx · 2 months

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LUCID DREAM — ning yizhuo

it’s been years without ning yizhuo in your life. it feels surreal; the day you walked out without an explanation. but just the thought of being able to see her again, it draws you back into the endless loop of loving her.

TAGS — angst, exes to ???, insecurity, model!ning, ambiguous ending, mentions of alcohol, making up, jmj wedding (we don’t actually get to witness it tho)

WORDCOUNT — 7.4k

you stare at the wedding invitation, written neatly at the top, the invitation is addressed to a ning y/n. you want to cry. the invitation clearly stating your ex’s name makes your heart clench uncomfortably. it’s a blaring reminder that your relationship ended and you’re no longer living in your childhood fantasy.

“fuck,” you swear, “fuck you, kim minjeong.” you want to murder minjeong, but who were you to ask minjeong to stop reminding you of your bitter ending? especially since it was your own impulsiveness that had ended the relationship. you could have been more understanding towards yizhuo, could have tried her best to resolve your conflict, but no. instead, you ran. ran like the coward you were.

you remember the brokenhearted look on yizhuo’s face, the devastated glimmer in her eyes before she had flipped her expression to another, like a switch. or more like a broken one, your brain offers unhelpfully. of course, the quiver of her lips had given yizhuo away almost immediately. you had known yizhuo for a third of your life, obviously you could tell when your soulmate– or in this case, ex, was about to break down.

you wish you had stayed, and simply comforted your soulmate like old times, but you couldn’t bear to watch yizhuo cry, because of you. you remember the look on your friends’ faces when you told them that you broke up with yizhuo, all the words they had yelled at her for betraying yizhuo. you remember the anger directed at you by yizhuo’s parents when you had sent them an apology letter. through the post, yizhuo had told you, letters felt more sincere than emails.

but perhaps the worst reaction wasn’t from any of them, it was simply from your own cat. meowing viciously when you had picked him up, bringing him together with you. the scratches lining your arms only serve as a constant reminder. mao, your british short haired, was desperately attached to yizhuo (and she was the one who named him too. what absolute luck.) his hostility could only be reasoned that he knew his owner had hurt yizhuo. if a silly little cat knew the extent of the breakup, what could that mean for you?

“wallowing in your grief again? that’s not good for you,” you peer up at chaewon, the only friend that somehow wasn’t connected to yizhuo. chaewon takes a quick glance at the invitation and giggles, “you’re going? i hope you survive, you haven’t paid this month’s rent yet.”

you merely sigh.

“the place’s gonna be filled with people who hate my guts, you really think i’m going? minjeong probably only sent this to piss me off.”

chaewon frowns, “you don’t seem pissed off, just sad. honey, you have to let me know if they’re bothering you, like actually. it’s not your fault, well– maybe it is, but you’re suffering too. it isn’t nice for them to do this to you.” you shrug in response. you deserve it. you deserve every stab in your heart, you deserve the tears that escape in the middle of the night.

“let’s drink tonight, okay? we’ll put on titanic or something and cry about life while eating ice cream,” chaewon offers. maybe it’s the thought of getting drunk, or titanic, or crying in your friend’s arms, but the offer is appealing and you find yourself agreeing too soon.

you can hear chaewon do a silent cheer. it makes you smile slightly and gives you enough energy to pull yourself up from the floor.

“i’ll go get the soju, just lie on the couch and relax!” you follow as your friend says and lie on the sofa you had picked out together after mao’s claws had sunk into the leather, ripping it to shreds. the cat was a brat.

doesn’t this remind you of something– or someone? the voice in your head quips. you groan, why couldn’t your head shut up sometimes? your heart drops as you recall the conversation between your parents when you had told them you broke things off with yizhuo. you remember your mother’s expression; disappointed and upset, a stark contrast to when you had told her that you finally found someone. the proud look on your father’s when you introduced yizhuo to them, god, why the fuck was yizhuo such an amazing girlfriend?

you caused this. you want to scream ‘no’. you’re the one who dumped yizhuo. who are you to be upset over thi–

“y/n? hey, stop thinking about it,” chaewon pouts, “don’t make yourself even more sad!” you blink back into reality and at the sight of chaewon puffing her cheeks out, holding two bottles of soju and a large bowl of popcorn, make you want to coo at the girl. you push the thoughts of yizhuo to the back of your head as soon as the opening to titanic appears on the screen.

you two laugh sometimes, mostly chaewon, but it’s quiet throughout the movie and you can’t tell whether you’d rather have chaewon’s comments about how cute the actors are or the silence that allows you to delve deeper into your thoughts. you take a sip whenever chaewon mentions how in love jack and rose are.

when you blink, it’s already at the part where jack allows rose to get onto the wooden door, while he stays in the freezing water. chaewon throws popcorn at the tv, apparently already drunk, screaming at rose to quote, “fucking move her ass,” for jack to get on. you take a large gulp of soju in the midst of chaewon’s sniffles.

“y/n…i can’t believe it… she just let jack die!” chaewon cries out, “the love of her life, she just let him go! how could she just let him die?!” you nod, trying to drink the already empty bottle of soju.

when you stand up, the whole room swirls and you stumble back onto the couch. “don’t let her go, y/n!” you jump at the close proximity of chaewon’s voice, “don’t let the love of your life go!”

you hum in agreement and scream, “i won’t let her go!” determined, you pick up your phone and the selfie of you and yizhuo greets her. you miss her, don’t you? of course not. you don’t miss her at all. change your homescreen then. you wouldn’t.

you roll your eyes and enter kakaotalk.

y/n [11.38pm]:

i kiss you

i miss you*

read [11.39pm]

“i did it, chaewon!” you exclaim, “i didn’t let her go!”

drunk you is apparently an idiot, since we all know, if a ‘i love you’ can’t solve a crack, obviously a ‘i miss you’ wouldn’t be able to solve an earthquake.

i miss you too. i miss you so much it hurts. but how could you say that, when you’re the one that left me first? yizhuo doesn’t cry as much anymore. she doesn’t sob into her pillow in the middle of the night anymore. the couple posts that appear on her instagram feed doesn’t make tears well up in her eyes anymore.

it still hurts. hurts as much as it did before. and yizhuo might just have to live with that pain everyday. the misspelt word makes her heart throb, in affection and pain, because she could imagine your voice in her head. are you hurting as much as she is? it doesn’t make the stabbing pain in her chest any better to know that the one she loves is suffering.

yizhuo stares at the glaring light from her phone. i miss you. really y/n? she wants to scoff. you were probably drunk out of your mind and sent that text on a whim. or maybe it was meant for another girl. the thought makes yizhuo want to cry.

is there someone else you call ‘baby' now?

fuck, you think, oh fuck. the read blaring on your phone, as if mocking you.

“shit,” chaewon groans, holding her head, “what happened last night? did we accidentally kill someone?” you wish you did. you take a deep breath, and scream. if the neighbours show up the next moment, it’s totally because of the night before, and not your scream at 8 in the morning.

you calm down. eventually. you calm down after chaewon grabs your shoulders and wiggles you back and forth, yelling for you to get your shit together. it only worsens the raging headache the both of you have. if rent wasn’t so high nowadays, you would have immediately fled and lived alone. kim chaewon with a hangover was not a good sight.

“whatever! you drunk texted your ex! whatever! hashtag yolo right— ah fuck, the room is spinning,” chaewon shrieks, “ugh, why did we drink so much?! but! your life isn’t over! so what if you texted her? it’s okay, we stay delusional and pretend things never happened!”

despite the wacky talk chaewon gives, it actually helps. texting yizhuo, while drunk, was a mistake. you nod hastily, “i get what you’re saying, but please let me go.”

chaewon loosens her grip, pursed lips as she huffs, “the most badass thing you can do now is go to the wedding.”

your eyes widen, “what the hell? kim chaewon, are you crazy? no, you’re insane.”

your roommate only grins lazily, “it came with a plus one invite, right? i’ll go with you. it’ll be okay! and don’t you wanna see your friends again?”

“i do, but most of them hate my guts,” you wince, recalling the angry messages left by aeri and minjeong, none from jimin, that probably speaks for itself what she thought of you, “they were yizhuo’s friends first, and mine second. when it comes to things like this, they would, rightfully so, take yizhuo’s side.”

chaewon whistles, “yeah it’s not looking too good for you right now.”

you flop onto the couch, sighing, “if i see yizhuo, i’ll freeze up and make a fool of myself.” your hands fly to rub at your eyes, groaning miserably, “i guess i’m not over her.”

chaewon slides into the space next to you, scoffing, “you think? having her number saved and pinned is crazy and the last time we talked before this, you were in love with her. what happened?”

your heart constricts painfully. you never spoke about your breakup to anyone, only asking chaewon if she still needed someone to split rent with. the moment you had uttered those words, you had left the shared apartment with yizhuo, not turning back to watch the love of your life collapse.

“i…” your throat dries up, “i was in love with her, i guess i still am. i don’t doubt that she felt the same for me, but maybe not anymore. our relationship was the best thing to ever happen to me. the happiest years of my life were when i was with yizhuo. she made me feel alive.”

tears prick at your eyes involuntarily. chaewon’s gaze is full of pity and comfort. sympathy. no one else gave you that.

“she wanted to get married, chaewon,” you whisper, “she was ready for marriage. i wasn’t.”

“oh.”

“i saw her looking at engagement rings one day and god, it was like, how have i never noticed before? she always shows me videos of weddings and how she would want her wedding to be like, but i never stopped to think whether i wanted marriage. i didn’t know what i would say if yizhuo just proposed. would it have hurt less for her if i said no rather than breaking up with her?”

chaewon presses a comforting hand to your shoulder, sighing, “i’m sorry, i literally see two of you right now but i’ll try to articulate this as best as i can.” her words draw out a hollow laugh from you. “you just weren’t ready yet, and yeah, you should have communicated that to her before jumping in to break up, but have you ever thought that you weren’t ready because you didn’t love her enough?”

you swallow, tears flowing down your cheeks freely, “n-no, i love her. she’s my favourite person. i love her so much, too much even. but getting married? that’s a lifelong commitment. i just didn’t know if she was sure that she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with… me. she has her whole life figured out. she’s a rich model who could have anyone else. we were childhood friends first, before girlfriends. and now she’s certain that she wants to marry me? what if there’s someone better for her out there? she’s only been chained to me because we got together so young. i just… had to let her go.”

“commitment issues,” chaewon states, “you have severe commitment issues.”

“i guess so,” you let out a watery laugh. your roommate chuckles, “you want her back?”

“yeah, i’m desperate.”

“let’s go to the wedding.”

you send a small smile to chaewon, “thanks, roomie.”

“i saw the invite by the way, and damn, are your friends rich? don’t get me wrong, i’m going as your moral support but the free buffet too—”

“i’m literally going to strangle you.”

yizhuo twirls the pen in her hand, watching it glide across her fingers and abruptly landing on the wooden table with a thud. she couldn’t stand seeing all the wedding preparations and chose to hide in jimin’s study. the door creaks open, a figure stands by the doorway.

“hello jimin unnie, aren’t you meant to be looking over the finishing touches of your wedding?” yizhuo asks, her smile dimming as she thinks about marriage. jimin frowns, “minjeong’s doing that. she told me to come check up on you.”

“me?”

“i know how you feel about weddings. we all do,” jimin says bluntly. yizhuo’s lips fall into a thin line. of course her friends were aware. they helped pick out the ring for god’s sake. the weight of a velvet box lying in her bedside table haunts her dreams.

yizhuo stands up from her desk, inching closer to jimin, a faux smile on her face, “you don’t have to worry about me. it’s your special day after all.”

“not yet, but let me worry about my friend for a while more before i get married,” jimin mutters, “minjeong sent an invite to y/n.” yizhuo’s whole body tenses up. a blurry image of you appears in her brain. she immediately shuts that down.

biting the inside of her cheek, yizhuo turns away from jimin with folded arms, “and? did she say she was coming?”

yizhuo hears jimin’s hesitance.

“just say it.”

jimin clears her throat, “she’s coming with a plus one.”

a distant thought forms. a plus one. your new girlfriend? did you find someone else? were you coming to the wedding to flaunt your new lover? yizhuo wasn’t dumb, she knew that her friends disliked you, heavily. minjeong most definitely sent out that invitation with disgust. jimin told her what minjeong had said to you. aeri had barely brushed it off, saying you weren’t worth her time scolding, despite the chain of messages she sent. she knew that you were aware they hated you. why would you come to the wedding?

“i-i’m not sure what’s their relationship, but her name is kim chaewon and oh my god, minjeong’s gonna kill me, y/n requested for a shared hotel room,” jimin utters out nervously. yizhuo’s eyes turn into slits. a shared hotel room?

“i see,” yizhuo says indifferently, contrasting the feelings bubbling inside her, “that’s good to know.”

jimin places a hand on yizhuo’s shoulder, “hey, it could all mean nothing, i don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“does it matter when i’m already like this?” yizhuo retorts back.

“i hope you don’t do anything stupid. before everything, you’re still my friend. if y/n showing up makes you uncomfortable, i’ll tell her she’s not invited,” jimin says softly, “minjeong will understand. you come first.”

“it’s your wedding, jimin. i won’t be a burden to you guys. it’s your day,” yizhuo mirrors jimin’s frown.

jimin’s shoulders slack.

“it’s not about that,” the older girl retorts, exasperated.

“what is it about then?”

“i don’t think minjeong will stay neutral and be calm when she sees y/n,” jimin groans, “she’ll probably pick a fight with her and i don’t want my wife to be stressed and angry on her wedding day.”

yizhuo can’t help teasing jimin, “wife, huh?”

jimin smirks, “yes, wife. you know last week, minjeong called me—”

“oh kay! i think you should go!” yizhuo yells, saving herself from the details of her friends’ intimate lives. jimin cackles maniacally as she leaves the study. yizhuo sighs and leans her head against the wooden door. jimin’s footsteps can be heard as she walks downstairs, along with the voices of her friends. they’re all scattered and anxious, she hears the distant shouting of minjeong and aeri. despite the noise around her, yizhuo feels somewhat at peace. for now. she doesn’t know what she’s going to do the moment you come to the wedding.

because despite what everyone else says, yizhuo cannot move on. you were literally half of her life and more. when you had uttered those words of devastation, it was like the world had ended. a terrible nightmare that tortured yizhuo every single day. was she too overbearing? sometimes— well, last time, you had mentioned that she was a very affectionate and clingy girlfriend. was that the sole reason? yizhuo frowns. no, that couldn’t be. you were equally as physically needy as her.

maybe you had found someone new? the plus one that was coming? that didn’t seem plausible either. if you were cheating, yizhuo would most definitely know and you abhorred cheaters anyway.

as she wrecked her mind for reasons, a common past time she developed after you had left, the constant rewinding of the conversation had been engraved in her brain eternally.

(yizhuo had just gotten off work, a smile on her face as she entered the house, heels clacking against the floor. the thought of you waiting at home impatiently for her only brought her smile to widen. maybe you would run up to her and embrace her warmly, complaining about how long she took. yet, neither of those happened and she’s left staring at you, hunched over, at the dining table, a suitcase packed by your side.

“what are you doing?” she had asked curiously. were you going on a trip? begrudgingly, you had gotten up, a sombre look on your face as you whispered, “yizhuo…”

that ticked yizhuo off. you never called her yizhuo. it was always baby, honey, sweetheart. but never yizhuo. it sounded so foreign and cold coming from your lips.

“what’s wrong? is everything okay?” she asked.

your face contorts into one of utter desperation and heartbreak, “i think we should break up.”

yizhuo’s mind had gone blank. she had never anticipated hearing those words from you. break up? that wasn’t in her future with you. her heart clenched uncomfortably against her ribcage and her throat constricted, to the point she couldn’t mutter a single word.

taking advantage of her silence, you run your fingers through your hair, the hair that yizhuo would so lovingly comb through every night as she whispered words of devotion into your ear, “i want to break up.”

“no.” is the only thing yizhuo can say. wide-eyed and stupefied, “no.”

you look as stunned as she is, yet the stark difference between the two of you, are the tears that threaten to tip over at every passing second in your eyes.

“yizhuo,” you pleaded, “i’m sorry. i can’t.”

“why are you doing this?” she croaked out, demanding an answer. the weight of the velvet box in her purse felt like it was dragging her down to the darkest pits of hell. she couldn’t imagine something like this ever happening. you were meant to be her happily ever after.

“i—”

yizhuo couldn’t stand it anymore. “tell me why you want to break up!” she yelled, the confusion and fatigue of her body overwhelming everything.

“i… please… don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“you don’t love me anymore? you found someone else?” yizhuo accused. of course, none of these were the true reasons. you couldn’t even look at yizhuo in the eye before murmuring an apology again and grasping the suitcase in your hand.

“i love you,” you had whispered at the door, “i’m sorry.”

yizhuo doesn’t even respond. pure shock overtaking her as she watched you leave. the moment the door had closed, sobs took over yizhuo as she collapsed on the floor, heartbroken and devastated at losing the love of her life.

if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have left so easily.)

that statement plagues yizhuo’s mind for the next few years. it replays in her head repeatedly, like a broken mantra. she knows that it’s unhealthy; to be thinking of you every night before she succumbs to a dreamless sleep. yet, sometimes, yizhuo prays that she might be dreaming, and when she wakes up, you would be right by her side. jimin thinks she should get a therapist. but yizhuo doesn’t want to get over you. she fears that you might just become a hazy memory, lost in anger and grief. she doesn’t want that to happen. because despite everything, the pain you have caused her, she still loves you.

it’s strange, the way love works. yizhuo hates you for doing this to her; ruining her for anyone else because if they even bore a similar trait to you, she would just break down. like the blind date aeri had set her up on long ago. fresh out of the breakup, and with extreme bribery and convincing, yizhuo had met shen xiaoting, one of aeri’s friends, over dinner. aeri had said that maybe yizhuo needed someone closer to her culture, and with the homesickness she felt constantly, the lack of comforting words that you provided, yizhuo agreed.

that date was the whole reason aeri stopped asking yizhuo to go on blind dates, for when xiaoting had mentioned that she liked cats, yizhuo had started bawling, the memory of you playing with your own pet cursing her mind.

it was embarrassing to say the least, and even more embarrassing to explain to xiaoting that it wasn’t her fault. the poor girl had thought yizhuo had something against cats. aeri apologised endlessly as yizhuo cried, with an awkward xiaoting patting her shoulder. at least they became friends.

maybe, with the support of her friends, yizhuo would be able to stand the sight of you at the wedding. it would be totally fine! and if she sees you with someone new, maybe, just maybe, it would give her the motivation to finally get over you.

honestly, screw everything. you literally hate chaewon right now. thankfully, jimin and minjeong had provided a one night stay at the hotel. your apartment (and mao) was being taken care of by sakura, one of chaewon’s friends. there was apparently a party before the actual day. you assumed they would just want a shared bachelorette party. however, your self-proclaimed wingman was cozying up to one of the guests. by her straight posture and gentle expression, she was probably nakamura kazuha from high school. yizhuo was friends with her, you remember.

you couldn’t believe that all those words of encouragement had flown out the window the moment chaewon locked eyes with the ‘love of her life’. you roll your eyes, already annoyed with your friend. somehow, you still hadn’t spotted yizhuo amongst the crowd.

most of them, you didn’t recognise. some, from high school and college. the rest, probably family members. maybe some faces stood out, like shin ryujin from history class or jang wonyoung, the valedictorian. but mostly, unrecognisable. from the various mops of hair in the crowd, you spot uchinaga aeri’s infamous smirk. you wonder where the rest of the group are.

you sigh, taking a lonely sip of the champagne they provided. at least it was good.

chaewon’s obnoxious laughter fills the area. it’s loud and irritating, or maybe you’re just easily annoyed right now. kazuha just stares at her, all confused. it’s a little funny.

“y/n.” a steely voice rings out from the crowd. you whip your head, heart racing at the familiar but dreadful tone.

“oh,” you whisper, horror-stricken. you weren’t prepared to meet them now!

the older girl merely stares at you, before you bow your head hesitantly, “congratulations on your marriage.”

jimin visibly loosened up, her eyes twinkling and shining with adoration, “thank you.” perhaps out of all of yizhuo’s friends, jimin was the one who hated you the least. she didn’t bother scolding you or cursing you out, only choosing to glare at you.

“i think we should talk,” she finally says after a moment of silence. you wholeheartedly agree with her. if you were meant to see yizhuo tomorrow, you definitely needed another friend that wasn’t chaewon.

she brings you out of the function room, the starry night sky being the only company outside. jimin takes a long gulp of her champagne.

“why’d you really break up with yizhuo?”

the patiently and dedicated stitches of a sewed wound are ripped apart, directly exposing your bleeding heart and emotions. everything comes falling apart the moment she asks. you can only stare at her.

“i… i made a mistake,” you shake your head, “i wasn’t ready.”

jimin, patient as always, hums, urging you to continue.

“she wanted to get married. i didn’t,” you say, with grief and regret lacing your every word, because everything would be fine if you had just talked to yizhuo.

“we helped her pick out the ring,” jimin adds. you only feel more guilty.

“i can’t give her the life she wants, unnie,” the endearing term of intimacy slips out, a cry filled with desperation, “she deserves the world and i can’t give her that.”

“you were her world. it’s that simple. she only ever wanted you.”

hurt gnaws at your heart, it’s palpitating with raw stabs that echo of your heartbreak.

“i don’t deserve her,” you sigh, “i had to let her go. i couldn’t bear to see the look on her face if i refused her engagement.”

jimin nods, “i understand your fear. but i hate the fact that this could have been solved with an explanation.”

you groan, anger coursing through your veins. you were so upset and narrow-minded at the time. the only solution was to seemingly break up with yizhuo. it would spare her the everlasting pain from a rejection of her proposal.

“i know, i just couldn’t at that time.”

the older girl tries to smile. it’s akin to one of those encouraging ones she would give right before an exam or test. it sparks a shiver of nostalgia.

“jagiya, where are you— oh.”

jimin quickly straightens up, swiftly turning around to face minjeong with a grin, “hey, mindoong.”

you tense up, your fingers wrapping around the glass tightly.

“glad you could make it,” minjeong’s eyes flicker up and down your body, venom evident in her tone as she hisses, “y/n.”

nodding, you reply, “thank you for inviting me.”

the tension is overbearing; with minjeong’s glares, jimin’s beaming smile and your awkward shuffling, you couldn’t wait to retreat to the comfort of your hotel room.

“where’s your girlfriend?” minjeong suddenly asks. you stare at her, confused, “my what?”

jimin’s eyes widen as she hastily pulls minjeong aside, frantically whispering in her ear. but like the past, jimin has never been a good whisperer. you catch phrases like ‘she might not be her girlfriend’ and ‘what if yizhuo hears?’. a looming sensation brews in your stomach.

“kim chaewon? is that her name?” minjeong asks harshly, “didn’t take you to like korean girls, i thought you liked chinese girls instead.”

you’re visibly taken aback. what was minjeong saying? chaewon? your girlfriend? since when was chaewon your girlfriend?

“uh,” despite your fear of minjeong yelling at you, your words come out firmly, “chaewon isn't my girlfriend.”

minjeong falters slightly before scoffing, “yeah right. you don’t have to lie now. we all know that you left yizhuo for some other girl.”

your heart stops. what?

what was she saying?

leaving yizhuo for another girl?

“i— i would never… that’s—”

“minjeong unnie, that’s enough.”

you’ve thought of this moment forever. every single day after the break up. you’ve thought of running back into her arms, apologising endlessly for even thinking of breaking up with her. you’ve thought of how she would accept you graciously with murmurs of comfort, because that was just how she was. a gracious and generous girl who deserved the world. you’ve thought of her bright smile and gleaming eyes.

you’ve never thought of her staring at you, a dull and saddened look on her face.

“ning—”

“minjeong unnie,” she pleads, “please.”

the watery gaze must have swayed minjeong over. you would know, having fallen prey to her puppy eyes before. yizhuo slides the door open, watching intently as minjeong and jimin leave.

“good luck,” jimin whispers just before she steps away. you think you need all the luck in the world right now.

yizhuo lets out a heavy sigh once the door slides closed. she gazes at you for a second. you’re taken back to your younger days, where every day was spent just staring at yizhuo. you had proclaimed confidently that yizhuo was the most gorgeous girl on earth. you aren’t wrong. the years you spent apart from her had done her generously. it had only been two, yet, yizhuo looked more mature and sure of herself.

“did you really find someone new?” she whispers, shattering the glass of ignorance. you swallow, shaking your head, “no.”

yizhuo thinks back to the drunken message you had sent.

“was that on purpose? that text you sent,” she asks, eyes wide and afraid of your answer.

you shake your head again, “i was drunk. i’m sorry.”

“i hate you, you know that right?” yizhuo says. before, you had imagined the piercing stab of pain that came with those words. you had thought it would be the end of your life, with the girl you loved the most saying she hated you.

it’s understandable now, and inevitable.

“i know,” you whisper.

yizhuo continues to stare at you. somehow, this all feels like a fever dream, one that she’ll wake up from soon. it feels unreal to have you in front of her again.

she takes in the sight of you, memorising every detail for if you leave again.

“why’d you come then?”

there are many reasons that you can say, with varying degrees of truthfulness; to congratulate jimin and minjeong, to see your friends again, to just visit your hometown.

“i wanted to see you.” it’s the truthest thing you’ve ever said.

“you can’t,” yizhuo inhales sharply, “yo-you can’t just show up like this.”

“i know, i’m sorry.”

your head hangs lowly.

“tell me the real reason why you left.”

you had expected this.

she would want closure.

your throat constricts uncomfortably.

“i… yizhuo…”

“tell me.” it feels similar to your past.

yizhuo looks as beautiful as ever. she’s the only thing you can think of right now. her lips are moving, yet you don’t hear a single thing.

“i didn’t want marriage.”

oh.

the girl’s eyebrows furrow. her eyes turning into slits of anger as she takes in a deep breath. you know she’s about to start tearing up. maybe you should quickly explain yourself.

it’s your only chance.

“i saw you looking at engagement rings and i knew i wouldn’t be ready if you got down on one knee. you’re a model, for god’s sake. you had a prospering career, being tied down to someone like me wouldn’t bring you any benefits,” you finally say. it’s not the full reason why, but you hope yizhuo would understand even a semblance of your choice.

“i know that it’s a shitty excuse. i know that i’m a coward. but what else was i meant to do?”

yizhuo huffs.

“talked to me. you could have talked to me.”

you resist the urge to roll your eyes.

“would that stop me from breaking your heart?”

the love of your life stands before you. yet, it seems like the only words of devotion you’ll exchange is how devoted she is to hating you. yizhuo crosses her arms, frowning, “yes. i’d much rather have a minute of heartbreak than years of it. you’re such a prick.”

“yizhuo—”

“no, you don’t get to do this,” she points a finger at your chest, prodding the area where your head resides ferociously, “you can’t just come back, explain yourself with an extremely stupid reason, and expect that i would be okay with it. you sent me a drunk text, saying you missed me. how come i don’t feel anything?”

“i love you, yizhuo. i just did what i thought was right in that moment—”

the only thing you can hear is your heart shattering into pieces at the sight of tears falling down her face. yizhuo sniffles, her voice becoming shrill as she adds on, “you’re an asshole. you think you’re the only one in this relationship? you didn’t even explain yourself properly. you think you’re making the right choices for us? for me?”

you continue to stare at her blankly.

the next words come out like a gunshot, “then you don’t know me at all.”

it snaps onto your skin, leaving a scathing burn and engraving ning yizhuo’s name into your body. your insides coil up painfully. hearing yizhuo’s cries as you left years ago had been torturous, but nothing beats her breaking down in front of you right this instant. you’re overcome with a striking urge to pull her into your arms and whisper words of affection into her ears, promising her to never leave. the pet name leaves your mouth quicker than you can think.

“baby—”

a sharp stinging sensation sears in your right cheek. you can feel the affected area heating up, scorching hot and red. yizhuo’s handprint is evident, singed in your skin.

an onslaught of tears rises, but you’re determined to not let them fall.

“okay,” you whisper, unable to say anything else to the equally stunned yizhuo, “i’ll leave. i’m sorry.”

the girl just stands outside in the cold, her eyes bloodshot and cheeks rosy from the wind. before you go, the slight shiver that runs through her body makes you hesitate. the comfort of your jacket feels like a heavy burden now.

maybe you would get slapped again. but at least yizhuo wouldn’t be cold.

gently taking it off, you encase yizhuo in your jacket, biting your cheek (which still hurts!) to resist a smile at how it covers her small figure. she gazes at you like a deer caught in headlights. you sigh and try to move your legs, but they feel like jelly. with much difficulty, you finally make it to the door, using the frame to stabilise your wobbly walking.

when you turn back, yizhuo isn’t staring at you, but she’s staring at the night sky, more specifically, the moon. you take one last look at her. the weight on your shoulders is gone now. and all that is left is a longing feeling to have yizhuo back in your arms again. but maybe, you could live with that.

sliding the door open, you go back into the function room. the crowd had dispersed, leaving just a few people chatting around. you spot jimin and minjeong talking while drinking. aeri’s at the bar, engaged in a conversation with a waitress. chaewon, god bless her, is relatively nearby, while kazuha is nowhere to be found.

“chaewon,” you breathe out, relieved. she turns to you, startled, “oh damn, what happened to your face? you look a little…”

“i know,” you laugh dryly, “i think it’s time for us to leave and go to sleep now.”

chaewon doesn’t argue and instead nods, her eyes drawn to the reddening mark across your cheek. even in the dark light, she could still notice the imprints of someone’s fingers.

“she slapped you?” she asks while you head towards the elevator.

“yeah,” you scratch the back of your neck, “we kind of… argued.”

chaewon laughs heartily at your misfortune. you’re glad at least this brings someone joy. maybe minjeong too. she would love to see you in pain.

“i think you should get some rest buddy,” she pats your back. you nod, feeling as if sleep was just an arm’s reach away.

the conversation with yizhuo had drained you significantly, both mentally and physically. and maybe you should put some ointment on the red area too. you might wake up with a bruise or something tomorrow.

the urge to flop into bed is too strong as chaewon slides the keycard into the slot. the door opens, revealing a luxurious hotel suite with a king-sized bed. you remember requesting for a shared room. it was to mainly prevent yourself from doing anything reckless when drunk. you’d have chaewon to keep you grounded.

“did you get kazuha’s number?” you ask as chaewon throws her face cleanser at you. the girl giggles, “yeah. she’s so cute.”

you subtly cringe at the lovestruck look in her eyes.

groaning, you head into the bathroom. your eyes widen as you prod at your cheek, shocked that yizhuo landed such a heavy hit. damn, has she been going to the gym lately? the yizhuo back then barely had any strength to resist your tickles. there wasn’t any surging hot anger left from yizhuo slapping you, just a dull and yearning hope for her. maybe you should calm yourself down by taking a cold shower.

after dowsing yourself with water, you padded out of the bathroom, only to discover that chaewon wasn’t hunched over her luggage anymore.

you check your phone.

chaewon [10.27pm]:

zuha texted me, staying w her for the night

there’s ointment on the bedside table

for ur stupid face

bye :p

wow. chaewon had managed to do that within a day. staying at a girl’s hotel room? you whistle lowly. maybe she was onto something. but with her departure, the hotel room feels too quiet now. only the breezing and fluttering sounds of the airconditioning accompanying your thoughts of self-loathing. collapsing onto the bed, you reach out for the ointment.

just as you unscrew the cap, the doorbell rings. you don’t recall ever ordering room service. maybe it was chaewon and she forgot something?

you turn the door knob, not bothering to check who it was.

“chaewon—”

ning yizhuo stands before you, glassy eyes and a look of desperation that you’re familiar with.

“oh.”

she shuffles awkwardly, gesturing at your cheek, “are—is it okay? does it hurt?”

gulping, you shake your head.

“can we talk?” she asks, in the quietest voice ever, her words coming out shaky and breathless.

you open the door wider.

yizhuo mutters a soft, “thank you,” as she enters the room. you quickly send a text to chaewon telling her not to come back.

“did you put any cream on it?” she asks.

“no, not yet. i was just about to,” you reply quietly. the tension from the heated argument from before had disapparented, only leaving a strained relationship behind.

“can you sit down?”

you follow her instructions dutifully, sitting right at the edge of the bed. yizhuo lifts the ointment up, squeezing a bit on her finger before gently rubbing it into your cheek. it hurts, but the softness of her touch heals the area.

wincing as she applies more pressure, you can only stare at the girl.

“i’m sorry,” she whispers.

“it’s okay.”

you want to pull her into your arms.

you want her to lean onto you.

you want the feeling of her skin against yours.

“i was really hurt.”

“i know.”

yizhuo sighs, her hands dropping.

“i can’t believe you left me so easily.”

your chest tightens at the devastated tone in her voice. it wasn’t easy, you want to say. but it doesn’t feel right to defend yourself now.

“i thought it was the right thing to do.”

yizhuo lifts her head up, “why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t want to get married?”

“i don’t know,” it comes out in a hushed murmur, “i didn’t want to tie you down. you had a lot more things to accomplish.”

“i’d rather have you and nothing than losing you and having everything.”

the confession goes unsaid. because you’re her everything.

“i’m sorry. you just had your whole life in front of you and i was in the back. i… i didn’t fit into your life.”

the girl takes everything in. you were just so afraid then. scared that once you said yes to her proposal, yizhuo might realise that you weren’t the one for her. you’d rather be away from her, than be with her and make her unhappy. you didn’t want to live a miserable life where you hated each other.

“you don’t get to make that choice for me.”

“i know, yizhuo.”

yizhuo’s eyes are brimming with tears. her raven hair covering her face partially, but you can feel the pain radiating off her.

“you know that i would have been happy just being with you?”

“i know.”

“god, you still left like it was the easiest decision of your life.”

no it wasn’t, you again want to protest.

“you know that even in another life, i would choose to just have you by my side, even if i lose everything else? don’t you understand the extent of my love for you?”

it’s so surreal— the way yizhuo is practically begging for you to realise that leaving her was the worst possible choice for you to make.

“i love you too much.”

“then why’d you leave?” she asks.

through tears, you shakily breathe out, “because i love you too much.”

the lack of past tense doesn’t bother you, nor does it bother yizhuo. it’s a given that you’re still madly in love with the girl, and vice versa. it only leaves the question of what will happen now. yizhuo doesn’t say much afterwards. it’s the truth. you love her too much that you couldn’t bear to see her suffer because of you.

“i was so ready to marry you, i bought a ring,” yizhuo mutters, shedding tears. her sniffles aren’t concealed by the low humming of the air conditioning. it feels too real.

“forgive me, please,” you say.

“i can’t.”

the hotel room goes quiet.

“that’s okay,” it’s hard to say. you want to protest against everything, beg yizhuo to take you back and you could live your happily ever after with her.

it doesn’t happen. you don’t fall to your knees and plead.

you only stare at yizhuo in a mix of fear and longing affection. it pains you to see her so broken, and it only drives the knife further into your heart to know you’re the reason why.

“i’m so tired, y/n.”

you nod, feeling the fatigue seep in.

“me too.”

“can i sleep here tonight?” yizhuo asks softly.

you nod. there were still things to talk about, but you think you’ve done a decent job so far. pulling the covers over your bodies as yizhuo slides into the bed, you relish in the warmth and comfort of having her beside you again.

she turns her head to look at you, uncertainty filling her voice, “let’s talk more in the morning. i’m tired now.”

you agree with her wholeheartedly, inching closer to fit against her back.

as yizhuo’s eyelids flutter shut, you caress her skin tenderly. your index finger writes against her back, strokes lining her skin.

我爱你.

i love you. it’s one of the many phrases you’ve picked up throughout the years of being with the girl. she only taught you silly words and swears, but yizhuo had insisted you learn how to say and write those very words.

it’s fitting, because it’s all you ever feel for her.

because of yizhuo, you’ve had the opportunity to experience having a soulmate for almost your whole life. because of yizhuo, there’s no lingering doubt of being unlovable. because of yizhuo, you get to spend your days filled with happiness.

because of yizhuo, you understand what love is.

you just hope she understands you too.

#aespa x fem reader #aespa x reader #ning yizhuo x reader #yizhuo x reader #ningning x reader #aespa #ningning #ning yizhuo

463 notes · View notes

love-belle · 1 year

Text

i should hate u !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their post break-up era is them using shady captions to communicate and the media and fans being confused.

for when you loved them too much. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // max verstappen x fem!reader

sequel - today and tomorrow and every day after that ⋆·˚ ༘ *

warnings - language

author's note - hello!!! i really hope u like this <3 i was initially gonna do daniel ricciardo one first but i already had 1/2 of this done so i just decided to post this :) thank u sm for reading <3 i love u

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by paddock.club, f1gossippage, y/n4everrr and 6,829 others

f1news y/n y/l/n and max verstappen called it quits almost a month ago and it seems like they didn't end on good terms at all. the singer, at her london show last night, threw shade at her ex-boyfriend, saying and we quote, "the next song wouldn't have been possible without this one dude who inspired it obviously. so — here's 'i should hate you'. spoiler alert, i do. thank you!" the reason for the split is still unknown but sources who claim to be close to the pair said that 'it was bound to happen — with their different goals and plans for the future," seemingly referring to the talks that y/l/n wanted to get married and verstappen didn't. both of them have yet to comment on the situation. for more details, click on the link in our bio.

278 comments

username WOAH

username pause.

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username oh my god 💀💀💀

username NOT HER CONFIRMING THAT I SHOULD HATE YOU IS ABT MAX

username no bc the way her voice cracked so many times in between the songs like girlie is angry AND hurt

username OH MY GOD

username i genuinely have no words

username omg the photos are NOT of her shading max. it's her laughing at a fan who yelled "you're the baddest bitch of all baddest bitches" at her

-> username YEAH LIKE SHE WAS SO CLOSE TO CRYING WHEN SHE SANG ISHY

username my delusional ass thinking they ended on good terms 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

username nah it's so champagne problems and you're losing me kinda thing i can't handle this whatcthe fucj

username OH WHATCTHEBFUCJ

username me getting the big guns out to defend her AND max with my LIFE

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username STOP WHAT THE FUCK

username my parents ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

username no bc she's genuinely such a sweet person so if she said this max must've done something 😭😭😭😭😭

-> username STOP NO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

username can't believe she's saying this about a dude for whom she wrote "feels like" for like wow.

username I WAS AT THAT SHOW AND SHE LOOKED SO SAD AFTER SHE SAID THIS I FELT SO BAD

-> username SHE ALSO STARTED CRYING WHEN SHE FINISHED SINGING I MISS U IM SORRY AND ZARA (HER LEAD GUITARIST) HAD TO RUN AND CONSOLE HER

-> username AND SHE SAID THAT THE LAST MONTH HAS BEEN HARD ON HER AND SHE APOLOGIZED IF THE SHOW WASN'T AS GOOD AS THE OTHERS

-> username NAH MOTHER ATE AS ALWAYS

username y'all saying this but not the fact that she ALSO said "in another life we would've worked but im grateful for everything i had because for a moment you were mine"

-> username MY HEART JUST BROKE WHATCTHEBFUCK

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lewishamilton, carlossainz55, pierregasly and 799,155 others

maxverstappen1 i know i say that i am better now, spoiler alert, i am

8,926 comments

username the way my jaw dropped

username THE PICTURES

username GODDAMN

username someone take away y/n's phone before she hits back 💀💀💀

-> username the way i know that she would absolutely destroy him

username NOT THE PHOTOS OMG

danielricciardo spoiler alert, also a liar

-> maxverstappen1 you promised you wouldn't snitch

username he definitely cried while posting this idc

username max babe it's okay to admit that u miss ur wifey bc same 💔💔💔

-> username "wifey" girl he didn't even wanna marry her

-> username not another word.

username funny haha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 im crying 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 now get back with mom.

landonorris no you're not

-> maxverstappen1 i will block you

username lando and daniel exposing max 💀💀💀

username no bc he probably cries whenever he remembers that he fumbled a baddie like y/n

username "it's all better with you ❤️"

-> username i could've gone along with my day without seeing that just saying

-> username delete that RIGHT NOW before i start crying

username missing max simping for y/n like ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

charles_leclerc i swear i can hear you crying from my hotel room

-> maxverstappen1 WE'RE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME HOTEL

username the way im SO sure he heard y/n saying that she hates him and that was the moment he gave up

-> username nah bc he was one of the "my girl's mad at me i hope i die" kinda guys

-> username wonder how he's surviving this tbh

username I CAN'T TAKE THIS SERIOUS IM SORRY THE POST IS JUST TOO FUNNY

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by selenagomez, carmenmmundt, dualipa and 2,246,826 others

yourusername i hate you lol

12,628 comments

username HELP

username she could only get this much in before her manager took away her phone ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

*liked by yourusername*

username no bc girl had a lot to say she's just trying to keep it cute

*liked by yourusername*

username the way i know y/n FOUGHT for the right to post this caption

username this is MILD bc i know y/n can be ruthless 😭😭😭😭😭😭

landonorris "in love" alright.

-> yourusername IT'S FOR THE AESTHETIC

username mother and father are fighting i can't take this what tye fyxk

username 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

username mother slays everyday just saying

username no bc if y/n ever said ihy to me i would give up just a thought

lilymhe pretty bitch

-> yourusername u sure that's not u?????

username i REALLY hope she's at the next gp

-> username no bc the way max and her meeting would definitely be more entertaining than the race itself

username NOT THE SONG LYRICS WHAT HAVE U PLANNED

-> username oh fuck that broke my heart what the fuck

username missing my man max in the comments section being a whipped bitch so bad ://////

carmenmmundt can't wait to see you darling 🤍

-> yourusername counting down the seconds omg i missed u!!!!!!

username y/n's manager has her on lockdown i can tell 💀💀💀

-> username with what she said at her last show i wouldn't be surprised

landonorris the post has reached the target and the target is currently eating ice cream while singing your songs

-> yourusername OH OKAY

-> yourusername good to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

username she's so pretty it's not fair wtf

username the caption omg

-> username it's SO mild compared to what i was expecting tbh 💀

username slay

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by danielricciardo, georgerussell63, charles_leclerc and 892,628 others

maxverstappen1 it's all better now

comments are disabled for this post

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by carmenmmundt, charles_leclerc, landonorris and 2,829,626 others

yourusername and i swear to god i'd kill you if i loved you a less hard

13,728 comments

username SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

username OH MY GOD

username IS THAT MAX WHATCTHEBFUCK

username NOT Y/N SOFT LAUNCHING HER EX BOYFRIEND

username GIRL 😭😭😭😭 get up

username this is INSANE

username MOTHER?????? WHAT IS THIS??????

danielricciardo the most stressful week of my life if we're being for real

-> yourusername u can send m*x the therapy bill

-> maxverstappen1 don't. i did not agree to that.

username HER SONG LYRICS OH MY GOD

username SHE WROTE THIS SONG FOR MAX 😭😭😭😭😭😭

username okay but like. are we SURE that's max?????

-> username i simply refuse to believe that it's someone else so yes. that IS in fact max.

username OKAYYYYYYY

username did NOT see this coming in a thousand years

username obviously VERY happy for them but y/n censoring max's name is so fucking hilarious like

-> yourusername babe it's m*x

-> username my bad ur absolutely right it's m*x

-> maxverstappen1 this is bullying

username DID HE PUT A RING ON IT WHATXTHEBFUCK

-> username NO BC THAT WOULD MAKE SM SENSE

username so i lost SLEEP over nothing????????

maxverstappen1 nice pants

-> yourusername thanks they would look better on ur floor

-> maxverstappen1 say less

-> username i think i just died whatcthebfuxk

-> username oh they're GOOD now

username imagine they just drop engagement photos out of the blue then what.

-> yourusername imagine lol

-> username WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

username i just know y/n's eating up every moment of this chaos

-> maxverstappen1 demons thrive in chaos so

-> yourusername well! it was nice to reconcile for a couple days, goodbye now.

username im crying whayctrhbfcuk

landonorris mother father

-> yourusername child

-> maxverstappen1 no

-> username ah yes the four family members mother father child and no

username THE HEART THE EVERYTHING THEM

username they STILL don't follow eachother LMFAO

#f1 x reader #f1 x female reader #f1 imagines #social media au #fake instagram imagines #max verstappen blurb #max verstappen x fem!reader #max verstappen x y/n #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen imagines #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen instagram au #max verstappen angst #max verstappen fluff

2K notes · View notes

skteezcursed · 5 months

Text

❝0258❞ — j.yh.

PAIRING. ex!jeong yunho x fem!reader.

GENDER AND WARNINGS.smut. slight toxic behavior. dom!yunho. switch leaning sub!reader. possessiveness. alcohol consumption. yunho is borderline toxic (i apologize). fingering. orgasm denial. creampie. p in v. hair pulling. unprotected sex (please, do NOT). lmk if i forgot anything.

SYNOPSIS. yunho doesn’t like to share, he never did, especially not you. it doesn’t matter you two broke up, you are still his, so when he sees you flirting with other guys in a frat party (that you weren’t the biggest fan of), something builds inside of him and he just needs to make it clear that you belong to him, and him alone.

RATING. R (+18) - MDNI.

WORD COUNT. 4k.

NOTES. english is not my first language. part of the ateezchella especial and of the atz house event you can't out rage us. thanks to @juyofans and @yunhoszn for the costume idea, thanks @bro-atz for the plot idea, thanks coachella for the cowboy yunho with the rings, thanks for his parents for not having used protection or prevented their son from being born, because this man wrecked me completely. bye ♡.

IMPORTANT. this is a work of fiction, it has zero intent on portraying how any of the people quoted here are in real life.

CREDS. dividers by cafekitsune ♡

He knew he would probably find you here. He knew you liked to party from time to time and how your friends would always lure you into one or another, even when you two were together. And in all honesty, he was okay with that, except for the fact you were at a frat party less than a month after you two broke up. Wearing a fucking chromed dress that barely covers your ass, the metallic make up just making you stand our more and he never hated a futuristic themed party more than he did now.

As if that wasn’t enough, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you ever since they found you with your friends on the corner, dancing and smiling all the way. His eyes lingering at your outfit, wishing you at least had shorts underneath your dress. Only if he was allowed to touch you, only if he was allowed to see under that dress.

“Well, this is becoming an embarrassment,” Jongho’s voice quickly found Yunho as he watched the youngest of his frat drown the last of his drink before indicating you on the other side of the room. “Weren’t you the one that broke up?”

“So?”

Yunho tried his best to not make his eyes wander to you, or to acknowledge the amount of guys that were eyeing you, surrounding you, just waiting for an opportunity to -

“So, why do you care so much if another guy comes along? Aren’t they single afterall?”

If Yunho could punch Jongho at that moment we would, but he chose better, just turning the beer down his throat before meeting you again. A group of guys from another frat had gotten closer to your group. Yunho knew them, so maybe he -

“He’s simping again, isn’t he?” Yunho just scoffed at Yeosang’s remark, feeling Mingi joining the others, a hand draped around Yunho’s shoulder. “If you can’t keep your eyes away from them, why did you break up in the first place?”

“Because (y/n) was saying that a lot of girls were trying to get with him and he wasn’t pushing them away, so -”

“Why would I give them the time of day when I had her? It was like she didn’t trust me, that’s why we broke up!”

“So, that has nothing to do with the fact that you started to notice how guys were always around them and accused them of cheating?” The other boys shook their heads as Yunho bit his inner cheek at Mingi’s remark. “So you didn’t trust her, and decided to break up, but now, you can’t keep your eyes off of them in that pretty little tiny dress that -”

“Mingi,” it was a warning, making the other tall one chuckle, raising his hands with a smirk. “You guys are fucking -”

“Oh, looks like she moved on from you, dude.”

At that, his head snapped your direction, and he found Juyeon, from TBZ frat rather close with you, his hands on your back and you were fucking smiling at him, your flirty smile, the smile that made Yunho want you pin you down on the closest surface and fuck you senseless just to take that fucking smile off your lips.

“And off he goes!”

Yunho could still hear all three guys behind him as he took the first steps in your direction. There was no way you’d go with Juyeon, no you were Yunho’s and no one else's, but as he got closer, he noticed one of your friends caught your attention, making you put some distance – which should be bigger – between you and Juyeon. As you turned to say something, your face got closer to his as Yunho noticed how the guy’s arm wrapped around your waist pulling you closer. He had half moons marking his palm as the custom rings Hongjoong had made for him dig into the skin.

As you pulled away, your eyes met with his, making you stop almost instantly, only moving because your friend pulled you in. In all truth, you didn’t want to come to this party, you didn’t want to leave the house at all, ever since you and Yunho broke up, a lot of things crossed your mind as in the actual reason for that, as he came with a ‘I just think it's best if we go our separate ways, this isn’t working anymore’ and left at that, ignoring your calls and texts, until you gave up after almost a week.

If it weren’t for Alexa, you probably weren't even gonna be at the NCT frat party, also, you thought that Yunho would have gone to the BTS frat last night and not show up at this one so you wouldn’t bump into him. As if that wasn’t enough, all you could think about was the face he gave you as Alexa guided you through the bodies of people. He was mad, he was fuming. Was he so annoyed you were there? Did he really hate you that much?

“Just keep watch okay, I trust the boys, just not every guy in this forsaken party!”

She said as she closed the bathroom door making you touch your head against the wooden door sighing deeply. All you wanted in that moment was to leave that house, curl in bed and cry for everything that happened with Yunho.

“Why is my pretty girl sad?” You raised your head finding Haechan getting out of his room, curiously not accompanied by anyone. “Did anyone give you a hard time? Just let me know and me and the boys will -”

“It’s fine,” you said quick but the sadness was still noticeable in your voice and eyes. “I just want some time alone, I… I just saw Yunho and -”

Haechan’s arms quickly wrapped around your figure as you held back your tears. It has been a month, you should have a grip on your emotions already. You hid your face on Haechan’s chest, apologizing for the amount of makeup that was smearing his shirt, but all he did was kiss you head, temple and cheek while rubbing your bare back, suddenly way more conscious of how open the back was.

“He’s the idiot to let go of you, maybe you should take this party to enjoy, yes?” You nodded slightly, your hand going to the back of his neck, fingers playing with the hair ends. “Mark sent a picture of you with Juyeon from TBZ frat, he’s a good guy, maybe you should try it out with him.”

“Thanks, I might, just need to get a grip,” you said, pulling away from Haechan cupping his face before leaving a small kiss on his cheek. “Go enjoy your party, I have to wait for Alexa to leave the bathroom anyways.”

“Come meet me later, I can help you find some fun.”

You chuckle and waved towards Haechan as you watched him go down the stairs, sighing loudly, cursing on your mind at how long Alexa was taking, getting a little worried at that.

“Guess you moved on quickly, right pretty?” Your whole body became suddenly aware of how close he was, when did he arrive? Why was he here? “So, who is it gonna be? Juyeon or Haechan? Maybe both?”

“What do you want, Yunho?”

“Can’t I ask about your whereabouts?”

“You lost that right when you broke up with me,” you turned to him, half of the reason why your face was flustered was for the alcohol and annoyance, but the other half was by his presence, if he knew that or not, it was still up to be discovered, “don’t you remember?”

“Oh, I remember well enough,” he towered over you, making you take small steps behind until your back was pressed against the bathroom door, the smile on Yunho’s lips when he noticed he got you cornered made you press your thighs together, “but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with others wanting what it’s mine.”

“I’m not yours for a while now.”

“Oh pretty, you’ll always be mine,” you can’t lie to yourself and pretend like you didn’t miss the possessiveness Yunho carried whenever you two were together. “Should I remind you?”

“I’m not yours anymore, Yunho, you decided that.”

“What if I decided that I don’t want you to be my ex anymore?”

“Because you are jealous or because you actually mean it?” That was it, that was the moment you saw his eyes darken, the cover from the cowboy hat only helping with that. Your eyes lingered a little longer on his before falling to his lips, a small smirk appearing once you saw them forming a thin line. “Are you jealous that I might like Juyeon or Haechan more than you?”

As his hands held you by the waist and hip, your breath hitched, but neither of you reacted to that, your body already telling him enough. The hand that was on your waist trailed towards your bare back and a gasp left your lips as the cool metal of his rings touched your exposed lower back, making him smile at that pulling you closer to him. Your hands quickly find the vest he was wearing, getting tangled with the necklaces. He was too close, his body fitting into yours as if it was made for it to happen.

You whined as you felt the sharpness of his ring against your skin, what kinda ring he was wearing you didn’t know, but you for sure didn’t want to see it or else, it was just another thing to occupy the ‘Jeong Yunho Folder’ on our mind. For a moment, you tried to react, but instead of pushing him away, your fingers held the vest tighter, making him chuckle as his face got closer to yours, the hat already touching your head as you could feel his breath mixing with yours. Way more stable than yours could ever be.

“I think that’s something neither should be worried about, don’t you think, pretty?” Before anyone could answer, both heard the sounds coming from the bathroom, but Yunho was faster, turning both of you away and into Haechan’s room, the door closing the same second Alexa opened the bathroom door. You felt the cold metal of the rings on your lips as Yunho was paying attention to the sound on the other side. “Keep quiet pretty and I’ll reward you later, yeah?”

You just nodded, feeling the pressing of the rings on your lips, one of the rings touching your throat making you raise your head slightly. Who had the fucked up idea to give Jeong Yunho those freaking ring sets? You cursed, closing your eyes, only to open them, becoming even more aware of your situation. Yunho pressing his body against yours, one of his hand on your waist, as his ringed finger touched your lips, one of his legs in between yours, all this while in Haechan’s fucking room.

Alexa cursing and searching for you was barely on your mind as all of these were processed. How Yunho’s fingers tighten on your waist and he lowered his head leaving the air he was holding against your neck, making you shiver. A small whimper left your lips as his adorned fingers cupped your jaw pulling you to eye him. There was lust and anger in them, and you knew you shouldn’t crave him, but it was impossible not to when we looked like that, with his intense gaze on you as if nothing else existed, as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't broken up with you.

“Why you here Yunho?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” The cool metal of the rings made your breath hitch as the tips scratched the back of your head, his thumb going over your lips before his eyes focused back on your own. “I’m here to claim what’s mine.”

“We broke up and now you are jealous,” although you tried to sound sure, you both noticed your voice break, a small smile appearing on his lips. “I’m not yours anymore, Yuyu.”

“Do you think they can make you feel like I do? That they know your body? Know what makes you tickle, what makes your cunt dripping wet?” His face bore on your neck and you felt the cowboy hat fall on the floor as you whimpered feeling his wet lips on your skin. “Do you think anyone can compare to us?”

“Maybe you should have thought of that before you broke up with me, no?”

“You accused me of cheating when you were the one doing it all along.”

Your eyes turned to him, so that's why he broke up with you? Because he thought you cheated? “Who the fuck told you that? One of the girls from your dance class?”

“I’m not blind, (y/n), I saw it with my own eyes how you’d led some of the guys on, with your damn perfect smile and -”

“It’s called being polite, Yunho!” You tried pushing him, but he held you close, your attempt barely moving him out of place, making you sigh annoyed. “I never cheated on you, you lunatic, I’m fucking in love with you!”

“Yet, you were out there flirting with Juyeon and Haechan.”

You scoff, realizing he really was jealous. “So that’s what this is about! You are fucking jealous.”

“I told you once before, pretty, no one touches what’s mine, and you are mine,” you tried to close your legs only to find Yunho’s thigh in between them, making him chuckle as his hand on your face went to your neck, no pressure, just pure dominance. “Well well well, apparently someone is feeling horny,” his lips brushed against yours as you tried to move your hips against his thigh to alleviate the pressure, only to get his fingers to secure your waist, unabling you to move. “Maybe I should remind you how well I know your body and how no one will ever be able to please you better than me.”

In a swift move, he pulled your face to his, lips crashing as your hands finally left his vest, only to mess with his hair as the kiss deepened. You felt his hands wander south towards the valley of your thighs, only to hear him hum against your lips once he found the short shorts that you had under your dress.

“What?”

“I’m torn between calling you a good girl for wearing shorts under this fucking dress and to punish you for using it all together.”

Your breath hitched as his fingers put slight pressure against your clothed core and clit, throwing your head back and arching, trying to give him more room to work on your lower half, receiving a light chuckle from Yunho. “I was using the shorts because I had no intentions on getting with anyone tonight.”

“Is this you asking me to call you a good girl, pretty?” You melted at his words getting a snarky comment in response. “If you were a good girl, you wouldn’t be here in the first place, now would you? Wouldn’t be dresses like that, wouldn’t be getting other guys attention, or –”

“Please Yun–argh!” You bit your lip as you felt the pads of his unadorned fingers pressed a little harder against your clit. “Please, I’ll be good, please just touch me, I–I need your fingers, please.”

“Now, I need more than that pretty, I’m still not okay with what I saw earlier.”

“I don’t want them,” your mind haywired for a moment before you could put your thoughts together, remembering how he had seen you with both Juyeon and Haechan earlier. “I want you, Yunho, please I only want you.”

“That’s better.”

Nimbly, his hands moved inside your shorts, his cool fingers meeting your heated core and the shock made you shiver a little as you felt his adorned fingers in the back of your head, holding you in place so he could see all the reactions your body had towards him. A satisfied smile danced on his lips as he pulled you in for a kiss before his middle finger entered your wet hole, making you moan against the kiss. In a slow, torturous way, he curled his finger while moving it in and out the best he could, the heel of his hand occasionally pressuring your clit as his lips never got tired of your own.

In a swift movement, he added his ring finger inside, curling them while putting pressure on your cit while his other hand put pressure on your neck, forcing your face up to kiss him as your legs were already way too weak to hold you in place, only making Yunho smirk as he started to pump him fingers in and out of you, watching your face twist in pleasure.

“Who does this cunt belong to?” You couldn’t utter a coherent sound as his fingers nimbly worked their way to help you reach your high. His adorned fingers tighten around your neck making you whimper as your legs start to shake. “To whom does this fucking pussy belong to?”

“To you,” the cry came as his fingers slowed down inside you enough to help you make a coherent phrase. Knowing Yunho was smirking at your words you manage to open your eyes just enough to find him mere centimeters away from you, the lust in his eyes helping with the build up in your stomach. “This pussy is all yours, Yunho.”

“That’s it, pretty, now let’s make sure no one forgets it, yes?” You cried as his fingers left your wet folds, being denied the orgasm you so long waited, but as you watched him lick his wet fingers, you could’ve swore you could cum on sight. “Are you gonna be good for me pretty?” You mumble a small ‘yes’ as you watch him guide his fingers towards your mouth. “Suck it, let’s see if this helps you remind how good I make you feel, yeah?”

As your lips parted, he pushed the two fingers inside, eyes darkening even more as he feels your tongue swirl around it, your lips firmly on the base of his fingers as your eyes never lost contact with his. At that, your hips started to move against his leg in between your thighs, making him chuckle but not stopping you for a second as he observes your wreck yourself using him. To watch you beg and ruin was one of the favorites views he had, so have you do this without him saying, was making him harder in his trousers.

His fingers quickly left your mouth as he pulled both yours legs up, making you wrap them around his waist as he guided you to Haechan’s bed. Your friend was totally gonna kill you if he found out, but in that moment, all you wanted was Jeong Fucking Yunho. He dropped you on the bed making you gasp before his hands grab your jaw making you eye him. His unadorned fingers quickly untied his belt and opened his tight pants as you held eye contact with him. Your fingers traveling over your thigh finding your clothed core, you could already feel the wet patch regardless of the panties and shorts that were forming a barrier.

“Please, Yuyu,” you begged as he watched your fingers travel to in between your legs.

“Lose the shorts and panties,” he let go of your jaw and you did as you were told, knees finding the mattress as you finished taking you panties off, being thrown along with Yunho’s pants and vest on the side of the bed. “Now take this useless excuse of a dress,” your arms crossed in front of you, taking the dress away as you watched him unbutton his shirt, watching your naked body in front of you. “So fucking beautiful, so fucking mine.”

“All yours,” your hands pulled him in for a kiss as the button down shirt met the rest of the pile, the only piece of fabric between you two being the fucking boxers, that you were quick to put your hand through, finding his hard heated leaking cock, making him moon against your lips. “I want your cock, Yun, please, let me have your cock.”

“All fours, now.”

As you turned around, he got rid of his boxers, pumping his dick using the pre cum, watching your glistening pussy welcome him. A low groan left his mouth as you wiggled your bottom to him, but instead of getting his cock, a harsh slap found your asscheek making you jolt and moan in pain, the chuckle Yunho gave being the only answer you were gonna have. Behave like a fucking brat, you get treated like a fucking slut. Not that you cared, but in that moment, you wanted his cock, and if you kept acting like that, you knew he wouldn’t dick you down until he got you crying in bed.

So, in response, all you did was lower your upper body into the mattress, face turned to the side as one of your hands went up your clit rubbing it eagerly, as he watched your every move. As he felt you had suffered enough, he took two steps towards the bed, his cockheading meeting your wet folds, making your fingers leave your clit as you knew what expected you. In a torturously slow, calculated movement, his cockhead entered you just enough to have you crying for more.

As you were about to plea to him again, he buried himself inside of you, holding your hips the same second he felt you jolt forward, holding you in place as he felt you adjust to his size, groaning as he felt you clench around his length while panting face in the bed. The only sign you gave him that it was okay to move, was your hips moving. The chuckle came the same second you felt him pull out almost completely before starting ramming inside of you in a swift motion, hitting your cervix with every single thrust, making you cry a little.

One of your hands went to find his adorned fingers, as the unadorned ones got a hold of your hair, pulling your head back, as your hand held his adorned fingers in a tight grip. His erratic pace along with his breathing and his cock hitting all the right places, not helping you keep your sanity or a low volume. “Touch yourself for me, pretty, I want you creaming on my cock while I fill you up, can you do that, hun?”

Without a second to waste, your available hand reached your bundle of nerve, circle movements quickly taking over as you tried your best to keep a sane mind as you felt Yunho’s deep inside you, saying the filthiest things against your ear as he watched you coming undone with a cocky smirk. It didn’t take you long to come undone with a loud moan as you creamed around Yunho’s dick, as he kept ramming inside of you chasing his own high.

“Cum for me, Yuyu, make me yours for life.”

With that he came inside of you, letting go of your hair, allowing your body to finally hit the mattress, but he kept holding your hips up as he pulled out of you, watching as part of his seed fell out of your hole before pushing it all back with his fingers, making your squirm at the overstimulated area.

“Keep it all inside pretty, once we get back to my frat I want to see it all still there if you have plans on going anywhere tomorrow.” You cried as he pulled his fingers away, cleaning them on your ass as he watched you clenched your used pussy, trying to keep all of his cum inside. “That’s my good girl,” he kissed your ass close to your cunt before turning to find all your clothes, quickly picking your panties and putting on your legs, before throwing you short shorts through the room, making you complain before eyeing you carefully. “You are mine, there’s no point in using that thing anymore, no one will get near what's mine and it will make it easier to see if you kept my cum inside of you or not without that piece of fabric you call shorts.”

general masterlist here ♡

network: @cultofdionysusnet ♡ @atzhouse ♡

DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR REPURPOSE.

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vernons-girl · 7 months

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never stopped loving you | lee dino

angsty but sweet,wc:0.9k

A few months back you broke up with your boyfriend Dino.

And you might ask, why would you break up with such a nice boyfriend ?

Well, you were not feeling good. You did not feel like yourself anymore, and nothing felt right, nor fully real. So you decided you needed to spend some time alone to focus on yourself and only yourself because you did not want to hurt anyone’s feeling or make them feel bad about the way you were feeling yourself. So you broke up with your boyfriend. Because he was affected by your state, and you noticed it.

Sometimes you would have mood swings and push him away, he wanted to help you though, he really did, but you knew he could not. He was not the problem but you did not want your relationship with him to become a part of it, so you put an end to it.

The thing is, during that phase you were angry, sad and in pain, but mostly angry. So that resulted in you breaking up with him in a fit of rage without giving him any real motive for your actions, he knew you were not feeling good, so he did not ask more questions and left.

But now, a few months later you felt better, but also guilty. Guilty about the way you treated him at the end of your relationship and guilty about how you broke up with him. So one evening you decided to text him and asked if he wanted to grab breakfast with you, and very much to your surprise, he immediately agreed.

So here you were, waiting for him at your non-officially designated table in your favorite signature café. You were anxiously chewing on your bottom lip, scrapping of the lip balm you had put on earlier in the morning, playing with your fingers you did not see him coming by your table.

“You will never get rid of that habit, won’t you ?” a voice said, you looked up to be met with him, Dino.

He had not changed much, his hair was slightly longer and his efforts to the gym had obviously paid off but he was still the same, he was still your Dino.

"Hello ? Earth to Y/N ?” he waved his hand in front of you, getting your attention back even though your mind stuck to the way your name rolled out of his tongue.

“Yeah sorry.. Please sit down !” you said pointing to the empty spot in front of you.

And he did just that, “Have you ordered yet ?” he asked, “Yes I did! I ordered for you, I hope you still like the same things from here though, I should’ve asked I am sorry !” you apologized, feeling your face get hotter.

He chuckled, god you had missed hearing his breathy laugh, “Don’t worry, some habits don’t change” he replied.

The waiter brought you guys your drinks and snacks, breaking the awkward silence that had taken place, “Enjoy your drinks.” he politely said before walking away, leaving you once again with your ex boyfriend.

“So..” he started, “Why did you want us to meet up ?” he asked.

“Well, I feel like I owe you some explanations about the last time we saw each others” you began, receiving a nod from him signaling you to continue.

“So as you know, I was not feeling the best when I ended things between us and I did not make you come here to give any excuse for what I have done, I just want - no I need to explain why I did it. I hated feeling that way but I also hated that you had to put up with it, and I know you dealt with it amazingly and the best you could, but it hurt me to see how my mental state could affect you. I did not feel like my old self, like the Y/N you fell in love with so I pushed you away before you could do the same. I thought that doing this would avoid unnecessary damages even though I was aware it was going to hurt one of us, if not both. But I felt like I had to do it for myself, for you and for us. And I know lots of time passed by but if you still love me, or at least have a tiny bit of faith left for us, I wondered if you could give me - us - another shot.. Because I miss you and I still love you, I’ve never stopped loving you.” you finished, letting out a big breath you did not know you were holding before focusing on the face of the man who was sitting in front of you.

He was smiling, that smile, you missed that too, you missed him.

“I’ve missed you too Y/N, and I’ve never stopped loving you either. I knew you were going through a rough time and I knew it was best for you and for our relationship to give you time and space. And I am glad I did.” he confessed, putting the brightest smile that had ever been on your face.

“Now get up from that sit and come sit next to me.” he said.

He pulled your closer next to him, turned your face towards his, delicately placed your chin between his fingers before lovingly, passionately kissing you, saying all the things words could not express.

#seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen reactions #seventeen x reader #dino #dino imagines #dino scenarios #dino x reader

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heavyhitterheaux · 7 months

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Drive Safe Part 3

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: Our wild ride has come to an end 🥹😘

Synopsis: You confront your best friend for what she did to you behind your back all while trying to make sense of your future with Jack. The ultimate question is, are you willing to give your ex-husband another chance?

Pairing: Ex-husband!Jack Harlow x Ex-wife!Reader

Read Part 1 and Part 2 first

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

After hearing Taylor confess what you had heard Jack tell Urban left you in a daze. So, he in fact was telling the truth, however your best friend or someone who you thought was your best friend went behind your back and betrayed you. Never did you think that in a million years that she would do something like this and try to play innocent and continue on with life as usual as if nothing happened.

“Y/N, I know you're pissed at me and for good reason and I know I shouldn't have done it and…”

You immediately cut her off.

“Let me ask you something. Did you honestly think that you could do that and ultimately get away with it? Yes, me and him have our issues but stepping out on one another because of a disagreement has never been a reality. No matter how mad at each other we are. Bottom line, you took advantage of him being in a vulnerable stage. Even if I am still very mad at him, I'm going to defend him when someone does him wrong. And in this case, you were in fact… wrong.”

“I…”

“I thought that at least you were one of the last people I could count on to have my back, but low and behold you wanted my man for yourself. Everyone has treated me like shit since this first happened and since obviously my feelings don't matter to you or anyone else, there's nothing left for me to say. We are done here and you can forget about being their godmother. Lose my number and do not call me again for as long as you live.”

“Wait, just….. we're throwing our friendship away over a mistake I made? I confessed and I apologized. I don't know what came over me to do that and deep down I knew it wasn't right. But I just….”

“A mistake you hid from me for damn near two years and it wasn't a mistake actually. I had my suspicions, but I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, thinking no, there's no way in the world that my best friend would do that to me. You were in your right mind and knew what you were doing. And to think I trusted you. I've told you things In confidence that I have never told anyone else and you just….I need to leave. And you can pick up the tab since you want to be kissing other people's husbands.”

“It’s never going to happen again, I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”

“You've already lost me as a friend from the moment you tried to kiss Jack. It's not going to happen again, because you are going to stay as far away as possible from us. Did you really think that I would forgive you for doing something like that to me? You broke my trust and that is not something that cannot be repaired overnight. Oh, and one last thing, I knew what you did for months now and was just simply waiting for you to confess.”

Taylor was sitting there absolutely stunned and unable to speak. And it looked as if her eyes were starting to water.

“Didn't think it was going to take this long, but here we are. I'm taking my food to go and have the day you deserve. And you can save your tears for someone who actually cares.”

Without another word, you slid back from the table and went to the front of the restaurant to let them know that you wanted your order to go and that Taylor would be paying for it.

Once you got outside in your rental car, the tears started to roll down your face. You were proud of yourself, but also hurting. You felt that at this point, you didn't have anyone anymore and you simply wanted to go back home to Louisville or Atlanta rather and be away from it all. Because Atlanta was the only place where you felt that your life actually made sense. Louisville held too many memories for you and every single one of them had to do with Jack.

You had gotten back to the beach house in record time and stared at your phone contemplating if you were going to call Jack or not to let him know that you had talked to Taylor. Making your way inside, you sat everything down in the kitchen before making your way upstairs to the bedroom since your desire to eat anything was now gone. You picked up your phone and then shook your head and placed it on the dresser before the tears started falling again.

If you knew the shitstorm that would happen when Jack asked for you to marry him, you probably would have never done it. But who were you kidding? You knew deep down that you still would have said yes despite what was going on around you at the present moment. Did you see yourself marrying him again? Only time would be able to tell. The most important thing that you needed to focus on right now was trying to heal.

Jack played with his phone in his hands contemplating calling your older sister, Danielle, but had a strong feeling that she wouldn't want to hear anything that he had to say.

But he had to try.

He was willing to do absolutely anything to get you to forgive him and get him to marry him again. Even though you told him that marriage was definitely off the table, in the back of his mind and deep down he knew that if he wasn't able to get married to you again that he wouldn't get married again at all. You were the love of his life and he ruined it.

Before he backed out, he quickly hit her number to call her as his heart was damn near beating out of his chest.

And now he was hoping she didn't answer.

But luck wasn't on his side and she did.

“Hello?”

“Dani, it's Jack.”

“I know. I have something called caller id on my iphone.”

“Umm….”

“What do you need?”

“Um, for your little sister to stop ignoring my calls and talk to me.”

All Dani did was scoff before responding.

“And you think that you deserve to talk to her after what you did?” Dani asked and now Jack was starting to regret ever picking up the phone to call her.

“Dani, she's pregnant.”

“I am aware. I was there when she took the test. What's your point?”

“Dani, please. I just want her to talk to me so she can hopefully forgive me and we can get back together.”

“Jack, I told you to do one thing when it came to her. ONE. Do you remember what that was?”

“Take care of her.”

“Hmm, and did you do like I asked?”

“Well…”

“No. You didn't. Instead you hurt my baby girl and quite frankly, I’m surprised she stayed with you as long as she did. That girl LOVES you and would do anything for you, but instead you let your little fame get to your head. As much as she would call me crying all times of the night over you, you honestly think you deserve to be in a relationship with her again?”

“I know I've messed up and that I've hurt her, but all I want to do is make it right. I don't want anyone else or be married to anyone else. I didn't even want to sign the divorce papers!”

All Dani did was sigh before responding.

“You better listen to me and listen to me good. I will do what I can, but it is ultimately her decision. If she gets back with you, fine. I'll support it. If she doesn't, I'm also going to support it. But one thing I'm not going to tolerate is you disrespecting her. That is the mother of three of your big headed children so give her the respect she deserves. She's in Miami and I'm going to check on her so I'll do my best to see if she’ll talk to you. No promises.”

“That's literally all I ask.”

“But if she says no, unless it has to do with your unborn children, you better leave her the fuck alone.”

Not realizing that you fell asleep after confronting Taylor, you woke up to see that it was dark outside and had no clue what time it was. Grabbing your phone and wincing from the light as you put your password in, you saw that it was around nine at night.

Sighing to yourself, you threw the comforter away from your body to make your way downstairs to come face to face with your older sister who was currently sitting in the living room and scrolling away on her phone.

Hearing your footsteps come up behind her, she quickly greeted you.

“Lil Bit, I thought you were going to sleep until next week.”

“Uh? What are you doing here?” You sleepily asked as you rubbed your eyes.

“Don't you think I know when you need me?”

“I'm fine.”

“Are you?” She asked as you came to sit across from her.

You wanted to say yes, that you were indeed in fact fine, but the words just weren't coming out. Instead, something else did.

“I miss him and I HATE myself for feeling like this.” You breathed out while wrapping your arms around yourself.

“It's not like it was a one night stand. You two were MARRIED. And have known each other since you two were fourteen. That doesn't go away overnight. There's going to be ups and downs with healing from that. It isn't linear.”

“But I'm just so MAD at him for what he did. No matter how much he tries to take it back and apologize, what's done is done. And that song felt like a legit slap to the face.”

“He's not perfect, but neither are you. He definitely could have gone about it a different way, but what's done is done and the only thing you can do is move forward from it.”

“He called you, didn't he?” You asked as you were eyeing Dani.

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“DANIELLE….”

“He did and in not so many words, begged for me to convince you to talk to him and to stop ignoring his calls.”

“And? What did you tell him?”

“After I threatened him, I said that I would try to convince you, but no promises. He has a show in Miami in two days so I figured you two can talk then. If you want to, that is.”

“I don't know If I want to.” You answered being completely honest.

“You said you missed him.”

“I miss a lot of things, but I've learned to adjust.”

“You aren't adjusting. You're avoiding it.”

“I don't remember asking for a therapy session.”

“Look, I get that you're hurting and want to take some time for yourself, but you cannot keep this bottled up because you are legit going to explode.”

“What are people going to say if I take him back?”

“Who gives a flying fuck? That's your business and no one else's. Two people would be in that relationship and not the entire world.”

“But he legit disrespected me multiple times.”

“Y/N, if you are looking for me to tell you what to do, it’s not going to happen. In the end, this has to be a decision that you have to live with. No one else. Just know that whatever you decide, I will support you 100%.”

Before you answered her, you simply sighed.

“What venue is he performing at on Saturday?”

—-

Saturday finally rolled around and you had been on edge for the entire day. The time for you to leave was inching closer and closer and you were seriously about to back out of it altogether. Taking a deep breath, you gave yourself a once over in the floor length mirror at your black dress that you were wearing along with a pair of your Steve Madden sandals and was satisfied with how the outfit came together. You had straightened your hair earlier in the day, so the only thing left to do was to confront him.

You had been confronting a lot of people lately and wanted for this to be the end of it.

Dani volunteered to go with you and the two of you rode in silence to the venue with her taking quick glances at you to see that you were scrolling on your phone from time to time. Once the two of you arrived and made your way inside, Jack was already on stage and Urban had quickly spotted the two of you.

“Hi Urby.” You said as he engulfed you in a bear hug.

“Hey, didn’t know you were coming tonight.”

“I didn’t know either until two days ago.”

“He’ll be happy to see you. Come this way so I can take you two backstage so you can watch from the side.”

“Hmm, we’ll see if that still rings true after I talk to him.”

All Urban did was hold his hands up in defense before shrugging since he knew that you were just about at your wits end with everything that had been going on.

You and Dani quickly followed behind Urban and since everyone recognized you, you were able to get backstage with no problem. But you also knew in the back of your mind that your so-called ex-best friends were probably there as well, right along with Neelam. And of course she had spotted you.

“Y/N?”

“The one and only unless there’s another one that I don’t know about?” You quickly said to her as Dani stifled a laugh.

“Can we…?” She started to say, but you immediately cut her off.

“No. I’m here for one person and one person only. If I wanted to talk to any of the rest of you, I would have told you. I’ll let you know when I’m ready whenever that time comes.”

“I.. fair enough. You both can come over here to watch him from the side.”

It took less than five minutes for Jack to spot you standing on the side and he got the biggest smile on his face and you simply gave him a tight lipped smile in return. You did your part of willing to open the lines of communication, but if it was something that you didn’t want to hear, you were immediately going to cut it off.

Once his set was over, he quickly jogged off the stage towards you and opened his arms for a hug which surprisingly you actually returned.

You had missed this feeling.

“Can we go somewhere and talk?” You asked him and he quickly nodded as he led the two of you to his dressing room.

Once the door was closed, you let him have it.

“Babe? Is everything okay? What are you doing here? And I mean that in the best way possible.”

“Don't call me that, Jackman. You lost the privilege to do so. But let’s just cut to the chase shall we? You called Dani to get me to talk to you so here I am. Now onto my most pressing question, why didn't you tell me what Taylor did?”

Jack, obviously taken aback, cleared his throat before answering you. And all he did was rock back and forth on his heels before sighing.

“Because I didn't think you would believe me if I had told you when it originally happened.”

“But not to say anything at all? You were supposed to protect me, we're supposed to protect each other! I had the fakest person under my nose for the longest and you said NOTHING.”

“I…. I didn't know what to do. You already didn't want to be bothered with me and I didn't want to create an even bigger mess. Wait, she told you?”

“Yes and kept asking me before she did if you had said something to me first.”

“I'm sorry, and I know that I should have. I would never cheat on you no matter how mad I might be. You mean too much to me for me to do that.”

“Hmm, your actions lately say otherwise. You hurt me with that shit you pulled and should have come and talked to me.”

“I know and I don't have an excuse for it. I just wish we could start over and just forget that any of this ever happened.”

“Do you honestly think that you deserve another chance?”

“Dani legit said the same thing.” He mumbled before taking a seat next to you and grabbing your left hand which was still decorated with your wedding ring. Except it wasn’t on your ring finger.

He began to play with it as he was waiting for you to say something.

“How do I know that something like this won’t ever happen again?” You asked and that was when he finally looked up at you.

“Because we’re going to communicate better and be honest with each other about how we’re feeling. That was my biggest downfall.”

“Hmm.”

“And I need to put you first. You were the one who was with me when I had absolutely nothing and I lost sight of that. Anytime I needed you, you were there but I didn’t give you that same treatment in return.”

“I want to believe you, I really do because I miss you, but… I just don’t know.”

“Y/N, please. Things are going to be different this time.”

“Maybe, but I don’t know if I’m at that point where I want to find out or not.” You answered being completely honest.

“Well, how long do you think that will take? You know I’m willing to wait. I legit do not want anyone else.”

“Only time will tell.” You shrugged while looking at him.

When he didn’t say anything else, you simply let go of his hand and began to get up.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“I did what you asked and I came and heard what you had to say, did I not?”

“Yes, but…”

“And now I’m leaving.”

“Baby girl, just…”

“Just, what, Jack? Just what? You said your piece and I’ve said mine. When I’m ready to take you back, you’ll know.”

“I love you and I want this. I want us.” He said as he grabbed your hand and squeezed it.

“Yes, you’ve made that very clear and you’ve done it more than once.”

“At least just spend the night with me, let me take you out.”

“Maybe some other time. I’m pretty tired. I am pregnant, the last time I checked.”

“Okay, I get that. Some other time then.”

Jack then stood up and gave you another long embrace as he leaned down to kiss your forehead.

You then felt him cup your cheek and knew he wanted to kiss you. You wanted to kiss him too, but you definitely weren’t letting him back in that easily.

Instead of meeting his lips with yours, he met your cheek since you had turned your head and you heard him sigh.

“When I fully forgive you, you can give me as many kisses as your heart desires, but until then I need you to remember something for me.”

“What is it?

“Remember one thing, I'm not your girl.” You whispered against his lips before smirking and laughing to yourself as you made your way to the door of the dressing room.

“Drive Safe tonight, Jackman.” Was the last thing you said before you disappeared on the other side of the door leaving him absolutely speechless.

#jack harlow #jack harlow fic #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x black reader #jack harlow angst #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow x you #first lady of pg

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vhagarlovebot · 2 years

Text

I WON’T GIVE UP.

♡. ── gif credit. ; ( aemond targaryen masterlist. )

pairing: modern!aemond targaryen x fem!reader

summary: aemond has a lot of insecurities and this time they end up being stronger than his love for you.

content warnings: angst, break up, exes to lovers, aemond being an insecure little baby.

note: okay so i used this gif because that is how i picture modern!aemond (maybe with his hair a little bit longer and silver). and i know it's supposed to be a latina!reader but there are no descriptions more than calling her a latina, i don’t like to physically describe her (if you have read any of my fics, then you know). if there are any grammatical errors i apologize, english is not my first language! hope you enjoy.

IT’S BEEN THREE WEEKS SINCE aemond broke up with you.

you were– are so in love. you thought everything was good, he never showed the opposite. but then one day he said he couldn’t do it anymore, walking out of your life, leaving you alone with the million broken pieces of your heart.

but it has been hard for aemond too. he never wanted this to happen but sometimes his insecurities are stronger. and in this case, they are stronger than his love for you.

“okay, you need to get the fuck out of here.” aemond’s door opens, revealing aegon being closely followed by jace.

“what?” he asks from under the pile of books on his desk.

“you have not left your room since you b–” jace stops talking mid-sentence, your name is banned from the house since he lost it at a family dinner a week ago. everyone was shocked at seeing aemond so angry, he had never reacted like that before, no matter of angry or annoyed he was, aemond always stayed composed.

“i have a paper due this week.” he says, going back to ignore them.

“you’ve been saying the same thing for three weeks.” aegon huffs, closing the book aemond has in from of him. “i know we all have different ways to cope with a break up, but yours sucks. you can’t hide from the world forever.”

aemond rolls his eye, turning around on his chair. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“c’mon aemond,” jace says, sitting at the foot of his bed. “why did you break up with her? you seemed so happy.”

“if i agree to whatever you’re planning, will you leave me alone?” the two boys share a knowing look before nodding. “okay, then. now leave, i really need to finish this.”

aemond doesn’t move until aegon and jace leave his room. once he’s alone, he can properly breathe again.

it’s been like this since he told his family about the break up, when they asked why aemond simply turned around and left. his siblings and nephews have tried to get him to talk and open up, but are meet with silence.

aemond would never admit to his family the reason he broke up with you because they would never understand and they would make him talk to you, saying that you would never leave his side no matter what because you love him; as if aemond doesn’t know that already. he knows you deserve better than him. he knows you are too good for someone so broken and with so many issues in his life. and aemond loves you so much that he prefers to break up with you than to have you go through that.

he wishes he could just forget all about that awful day, but every time he closes his eyes he sees you crying in front of him and his heart aches for you.

he knows it will be like this for a while, but soon enough you will forget about him, you will stop loving him, and even if all he wants is to hold you in his arms, aemond would be happy if you find someone else, someone who deserves you.

aemond groans, resting his forehead on the desk and silently cursing aegon and jace. it’s impossible to go back to what he was doing, thoughts of you now clouding his mind.

the second aemond steps out of his brother’s car, he regrets his decision. he should have known what the plan was.

“did you know about this?” he asks his sister, who just pouts and joins the rest of the group.

a couple of months ago you take them to a new club, you said it was your favorite because they play latin music. however, it was the only time you all visit the place.

“relax, brother, she’s probably not even here.” aegon pats his back, whispering something about dancing.

the minute they step into the club, they are welcomed by the loud music playing, something called reggaeton that you made them listen before. and aemond actually likes it, he understands a few words– thanks to you.

“it’s going to be a fun night, please enjoy it.” helaena looks at her brother with her big blue eyes, batting her eyelashes as she pouts, something she used to do when they were kids and she wanted to make aemond smile. and it still works because aemond nods, a tired smile on his face.

and helaena was right. after jace bought drinks for everyone, aemond's head cleared a little, giving him the opportunity to enjoy his first night out after his break up.

he has never been one to dance, so while everyone was hitting the dance floor he stayed at the table, his second drink in hand and a lopsided smile on his face.

aemond can see everyone from where he's standing; his sister's weird and happy dances, aegon flirting with some random girl, jace and his girlfriend making out, and you.

his world stops the second he sees you, dancing really close to a man he has never seen before. your back is pressed to his chest, his arm around your waist as you move along with the music. aemond has seen you dance like that before. with him. both of you alone.

aemond wants to punch the man in the face and take you out of this place, but he knows he doesn't have any right, you are no longer together. despite that, he can't avoid feeling jealousy.

yes, it's been three weeks and you deserve someone better than him. but aemond didn't think it was going to be this fast, he really thought he'd get a little more time.

he does not take his eye away from you, even if he wants to. he doesn't know if you're drunk and would need help. he needs to make sure you are safe, even if it breaks his heart.

"aemond?" he can hear jace's voice but it's far away, all his attention is on you. jace frowns, following his gaze, and it's like a bucket of cold water. "oh shit!"

aemond would have told him to shut up, if it weren't for you.

he sees your next move with his heart about to be spilled on the floor. you turn around, throwing our arms around the man's shoulders and tilting your head backwards, your soft and beautiful hair mocking him, saying that he would never have the chance to run his fingers through it again.

but what really ends up sticking a dagger deeply into his chest is your laugh.

aemond can't take it anymore and without thinking he moves towards you. and maybe you hear jace's voice telling him to stop because you turn your head, and he sees the exact moment your smile vanishes. aemond has never felt so miserable before.

you don't even excuse yourself before running out of there. aemond doesn't hesitate to follow you, all rational thought disappearing.

when he makes it outside, you're pacing around, hands on your waist and mumbling something. he's afraid to getting close, you have all the rights to react that way. god, if you want to punch him he would gladly let you.

"how are you?" he doesn't know what to say, he just wants to hear you talk. but you don't say anything, you don't even look at him. "i'm sorry to show up like this. aegon wanted a night out and they dragged me here, if i had known you would be here–"

"you wouldn't have come?"

aemond hums and your hearts heals a little. however, being this close after everything that had happened it's not easy, but you have longed for this moment from the minute he walked out of your apartment.

"i'm sorry." aemond slowly lifts his head, looking at you defeated.

"for what? for breaking up with me, being here..." you say nonchalantly, your walls slowly coming down. “why are you here, aemond?” you say, already tired from this encounter.

“i told you–”

“no, why are you here?”

“we need to talk.” he states, suddenly feeling confident.

seeing you with that man was enough for him to realized that he’s not willing to lose you. he can be the man you deserve.

“you’re finally going to tell me why you broke up with me?”

aemond snorts, taking a step forward. “it’s– it’s not easy.”

you take the next step for him, and the next one, and the next, until you are just inches away. your hands cradle his face, forcing him to look you in the eyes.

“aemond, i love you. don’t push me away, please.” you don’t realize you’re crying until aemond wipes your tears with the back of his hand.

“maybe if we leave now, we can talk.” seeing his smile it’s comforting, but only his next words erase all the doubts you had. “i love you.”

#📮 ⌇ my works ˖⋆࿐#modern!aemond #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen imagine #house of the dragon imagine #aemond targaryen x you #aemond targaryen scenarios #aemond targaryen angst #aemond targaryen fluff #aemond x reader #house of the dragon x reader #hotd fanfic #hotd imagine #hotd x reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

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AITA for not telling a girl her boyfriend is cheating on her

My ( 17F) best friend (17M) recently got back together with his ex girlfriend. The broke up for the first time about a year ago after a six month relationship and then got back together two months ago im pretty sure . She is a very sweet girl , admittedly i dont know her that well but she seems nice , while my best friend , despite how much i love him , has made a lot of mistakes in his life and he cas been a real jerk in the past . For some reason she decided she wanted him back , even if the break up was very terrible and she started flirting with him again .About two months ago , when they where in the talking stage me and that friend hooked up . I didnt think much of it because they werent officially back together and handt talked about being exclusive , despite there being a lot of rumors of them dating again

Couple weeks from the hook up pass and he texts me very late at night drunk out of his mind , asking me to come over to his appartment. He and the girl at that point had officially gone on a couple of dates and where in am exlusive relationship. I wrote it off again , thinking he was drunk and stupid and that the relationship was new and he still had a little room for making mistakes like that

Another week passes and he texts me again asking me to come to his apartment to hook up , only this time he was very sober . I reject him again , only that time i mentioned his girlfriend and i told him that dming girls asking for hook ups is borderline cheating and that if he wants things to work out with his girlfriend he needs to stop it with the booty calls . He apologized imidietly and said hed never hit on me again

I thought that was the end of that , that he had finally settled down amd would stop with the hitting on random women . Well last night he texts me again explaining how hes dming this chick who is not his girlfriend , who i know for a fact he really really wants to fuck and hes asking me for advive and asking me how he can play it so she agrees to go out with him .

To my knowledge he hasnt hooked up with anyone since getting back together with his girlfriend , but i have proof in screenshots that he has hit on other girls with the intentions of sleeping with them . I dont particularly care about his girlfriend, and even though hes a jerk i really care about him , and we have a complicated history and i would feel very bad if i ruined this relationship for him . I have at multiple times tried to convince him to break up , or even ask for an open relationship but he wont listen . If i send the screenshots to his girlfriend our friendship would be ruined , and also its not really my place at all , shes the one who wanted to get back together with a man shw knew for a fact to be a jerk , she knew what he was like , they dated for a long time when the first got together and he had very similar behaviours . I think i should just let her discover it on her own .

#aita #am i the asshole

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thefallennightmare · 4 months

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I need something angsty for HC Tuesday.

like Noah and the reader broke up because one of them fucked up (your choice) and when they see each other they hookup, but the reader thinks Noah's gonna leave her again because he got what he wanted but nope. Noah tells her that they will work through their problems and that he will never let her go again.

Sparked in my mind like 5 min ago😭 I know you can do it justice❤❤

Love you tina❤

@thescarlettvvitch @mitchhbitch @missduffsblog @hayleylatour @sleepyomens @loeytuan98 @artificialbreezy @marvelousmal @bngurngheart @lma1986 @dsireland86 @wild-child-7747 @calleyx13 @illmakeyousaywow @jaded-and-hollow-souls @exitwoundsx @shayzillaaaa @lookwhatitcost @badomensls @princesspeach-00 @burning-outx @shadowseve @collective-heartbreak @klutzy-kay24 @sorrowsofsilence @sweetlittlekitsune @shilohrosechicken @itsafullmoon @toospooktocute @niicoleleigh @thatchickwiththecamera @hoe-for-daddywise @whenthesummerdies @cookiesupplier @concreteemo @thisbicc @sammyjoeee @pathion @flowery-mess

GIRL, I LOVE ANGST SO GOD DAMN MUCH. But sorry if it's not angsty enough lol maybe down the road I can explore more into this.

"I'll see you guys later!" You called to your group of friends you left behind at the restaurant.

You'd spend the day with them and now that it was getting late, you wanted nothing more than to go home and lounge in bed.

Your brain had been filled with so many different things that you didn't realize you walked into a body until it was too late.

"Y/N?"

Gazing up, you went to apologize when you noticed who those pair of almond eyes belonged too.

"No-Noah?" You stuttered while taking a large step away from your ex boyfriend.

His hair was much shorter than when you dated him but that faint smile was still the same.

It had been almost six months since you saw him last but he still took your breath away.

It was your fault the two of you broke up because, you were scared that Noah would forget you when Bad Omens rose to stardom.

He promised you that he never would but you didn't want to risk your heart getting broken so you left him.

But in the end, your heart was still broken because you missed him so much.

You wanted to reach out, ask him to forgive you and take you back, but as you watched Bad Omens grow into stardom, you didn't want to be a bother.

"Hey angel," he smiled while stuffing his hands in his pockets. "You look good."

You blinked as your heart rate picked up at hearing his nickname for you.

"You're back? I thought Bad Omens was touring for another week."

He raised a brow at that with a chuckle. "Paying attention, huh?"

When you didn't say anything, he continued. "I was sick the last few days so we canceled tour early."

"Oh," you shuffled on your feet.

The silence was starting to tug hard on your broken heart that had yet to mend so you quickly turned on your heels, ready to go back home.

"Can I walk you home?"

Noah's question made you falter for a moment and you knew that you should decline because the repercussions of what could happen after would only make things worse.

"Sure," the word flew out of your mouth before it registered.

The voice in your head was so wrong.

The walk home turned into an invite up to catch up which turned into the both of you tied together in between your sheets.

Now you lay staring at the large tattoo on his back with your breath caught in your throat, wondering if he was going to leave.

"If you're going to leave, can you do it now before I think too far ahead?" Your voice came out broken.

Noah, who was falling asleep, turned around and rubbed away the sleep from his eyes.

"Angel," he cupped your cheek, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not a big believer in fate but I think there was a reason why I ran into you tonight. Now that I have you again, I'm not letting you go again."

"You're not?" Your bottom lip wobbled and he kissed it.

"I'm staying here as long as you let me," he admitted.

You wrapped an arm around him, breathing in that familiar scent of him.

"I'm not letting you go again."

Slowly as he laid next to you in bed, your broken heart began to mend.

#thefallennightmare #noah sebastian headcannons #bad omens #bad omens head cannons #bad omens headcannons #noah sebastian

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blue-babygirl · 8 months

Note

Would you, possibly, be willing to do Emily comforting a lesbian BAU!reader who’s just been dumped by their gf? 👀 I just think she would be so sweet about it but also so real

A/N: Okay so I'm pretty sure I went off the rails from what the anon actually asked for and just fucked it up but um.... I'll just post it now.

Status Update

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x BAU!Fem!Reader

Type: Fluff/Sweet (I think?)

Description: Break ups can suck. But you have your best friend (and hopefully future girlfriend) to help you out and spend the evening with you.

Warnings: The reader doesn’t seem all that affected by the break up tbh? I don’t think there is anything I need to add here.

You knew that you needed to figure out a way to apologize to your girlfriend. So that’s what you did on the jet back home. By the time the jet landed, you had a plan in motion. You made a reservation at a restaurant she was talking about and ordered her favorite flowers and some chocolates. The only hitch in your plan was that you couldn’t get ahold of your girlfriend.

Well, ex-girlfriend after the call you get.

“Hey Gar-”

“OMG Y/N! Why didn’t you say anything? When did this happen? You just have to say a word and I will be at your place with ice cream and alcohol and movies!”

“Woah woah woah! What’s this about?” Emily turned to you from the passenger seat as you gave her and your phone a strange look.

“Emily! Good thing you guys are together! And Y/N didn’t tell you? She and Clarise broke up!”

“What?!?” You and Emily exclaimed at the same time.

“What? She updated her relationship status on Facebook… OMG she did it without telling you…” You could quite literally hear the grimace on Penny’s face across the phone.

“No… I- I’ve been trying to get ahold of her since the case ended but it keeps going to voicemail…”

“Oh Y/N… I am so sorry. You know we are here for you, right?” Emily gave you a soft smile as you took a deep breath to try and think clearly.

“Yes! And um… not sure if you want to know but she blocked you… that’s why it kept going to voicemail…” Penelope spoke up, making you shake your head. “Thanks Penny. I’ll see you at the office.”

“Okay. I love you, be safe lovies.” You sat back with a sigh, not sure if it was disbelief, sadness or relief that you felt. You couldn’t believe that this was how Clarise was breaking up with you but at the same time, it was also how she and her friends let people know that they didn’t like them or were mad at them. You felt sad that this is how things were ending after being with her and there for her for the last almost two years. And however bad it might be, you also felt somewhat relieved after how much she had been trying to make you choose between your job and her even though you had made it clear what your job was like and how much you loved it before you even got together.

“You know we are here for you right?” You glanced at Emily, catching her eye. You sigh, contemplating if you should speak out your thoughts.

“I know… Honestly, I don’t really know how to feel. We were together for two years and instead of giving me the courtesy of telling me herself, she just blocked me and changed her status, which honestly hurts. But at the same time, she has been pretty insistent about me choosing her over my job over the past couple months, so this is somewhat of a relief too because I don’t want to choose.”

“I feel you. Most of us seem to have the same issue.” Emily chuckled, but you could feel the bitterness of it. You groan when you remember that you need to cancel your reservations and the orders, knowing that you won’t get your money back.

“I’m gonna have to cancel my reservations and stuff and I’m not even going to get my money back. This sucks.” You take out your phone just as Emily speaks up.

“Well… you can still go? I mean, by yourself or we can go as a group if you want?” “You know what?” You speak up after a moment of silence. “I don’t want to go alone, and the reservation is only for two people. How do you feel about going with me?”

“Like a date?” Emily exclaims and you can hear the surprise in her voice.

“Well… not exactly… but we can do that after I move on from everything with Clarise?” You bite your lip as you shoot your shot.

“Well… a-are you sure?”

You shoot Emily a soft smile as she glances at you, “A 100% sure.”

“I would love that…” You can see Emily blushing under the streetlight as she parks outside your apartment building.

“Perfect. I’ll pick you up in an hour?” You smile at her as she nods, grinning at the blush covering her cheeks. “Emily Prentiss blushing? Never thought I’d see the day.”

“Oh hush! If anybody ever hears about this…” Emily threatens. “No one is going to hear. Your secret’s safe with me Em. Now, I’m gonna go get ready and by the time I get to your place, you better be dressed up Agent Prentiss.” You grin as you tease her, getting your bags and leaving the car.

One hour later, you are standing outside Emily’s apartment building with flowers and a box of chocolate, waiting for Emily to get down. You grin when you see her coming out in a beautiful red dress that doesn’t even compare to the beauty wearing it.

Emily smiles at you as you exchange greetings, blushing when you give her the flowers and chocolate.

“These aren’t the ones you ordered on the jet.” Emily says as she gets into the car.

“No, they are in the trash. I was not about to give you the flowers I bought for Clarise, Em. You deserve a lot better.” You start the car, giving her one last smile before starting to drive.

The rest of the evening is a blur of conversation, laughter and memories being made. You both enjoy a selection of high-quality food followed by an ice cream stop before driving to drop her off at her apartment.

As the night comes to an end, you are sure of two things. One, the two of you won’t be dating until after at least 3 months because according to Emily ‘that is the required amount of time to get someone out of your system’. Two, you are willing to wait an eternity if it means that you can date Emily at the end.

#criminal minds #fluff #emily prentiss #emily prentiss x y/n #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x you #emily prentiss x female reader #emily prentiss imagine

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cxsha-sicily · 4 months

Text

He broke my heart, so why would i run back? part 2

synopsis: you're biker ex-boyfriend helps you get back home after a party. Do you run back or leave him in the past

parings: Geto suguru x reader

w. fem! reader, biker! Geto suguru, fluff, angst, modern au

previously:

he let me go because he didn't want to see me hurt.

" can i ask you a question?"

out of the corner of my eye i saw him hold his breath. I figured this is a sensitive topic for him.

"go ahead"

he hesitated at first. He didnt really know how i would react to the question he was about to ask. He swallowed hard before he spoke softly.

"did you move on? Found someone else?

i had moved on. It wasnt because of someone else, it was because i knew that i needed to move on with my life and not weep for my past lover.

"i moved on. i've went on a couple a date but nothing blossomed from them. They weren't the reason i moved on either."

His hands started to feel cold when i conformed. The fact that i've tried moving on made his heart sink. It made him feel a pang of jealousy that he had no right to feel, especially when he left you.

deep down he hoped that i would just wait around and not give anyone a chance. after one year, he still wanted me to be his. He hated the idea of me moving on and finding someone else, only because he couldn't bear the thought of me being with another man.

"That girl that you broke up with me for, was she good for you? Did she make you happy? Are you'll still dating or did you breaker her heart like you did mine? "

when we first break up, i couldnt stand seeing them together. I would see them everywhere simply because me and Geto have the same friend group. Seeing him playing with her red hair while he was talking to Gojo, or seeings her grab onto his upper-arm and cling to him. Eventually, i stopped caring.

he was stunned that i brought her up. His hand slowly lets go of mine. He took a deep breath before he decided to answer me honestly.

"No, she was just someone who i thought i could love. I could never love someone as much as i love you. and we broke up a few months after our break up.

His eyes were distant. He wasn't looking into my eyes as he spoke. It was hard for him to talk about it. He thought he'd feel some sort of guilt but all he felt was pain.

" i hated seeing you with her. everything that you two did together reminded me of us. The way you defended her name like it was your own when someone talked about her, the way you would carry her if it was raining so that she didn't get her shoes wet"

i took a pregnant pause, i felt the tears well up in my eyes but they went away just as fast.

"eventually i stopped caring and moved on with my life."

he saw the way i looked at him as his hand interwinded into mine again. He wanted to pull away, knowing how much he hurt me. but you continued to hold is anyways. We both sat quietly for a while.

my words made his heart ache. He knew that i saw how he was when he was with her, and he never forgot all that either. He never forgot how he would do anything for her, how he protected her, held her, and took card of her.

" are you seeing anyone now?"

i pulled my hand away from his. I was seeing someone. i Met him on a cafe run and we've been talking ever since. He was nice, protective, funny.

"yes, i met him at a cafe."

He felt his body went cold. The thought of you with another man never failed to make his heart ache. He wanted to scream and say that it should've been him. It was his fault that i found someone else, and he had no way to fix it.

"you met him at the cafe?"

he asked, he coudn't hide the jealousy. His hand gripped his own thigh tightly as he waited for me to reply

'i was getting coffee on my way to work when he bumped into me. My coffee tipped over and spilled all over my clothes. He bought me a new coffee and he wanted to take me out for an apology."

He swallowed the lump in his throat when i spoke. He hated how someone else would get to buy things and spoil me when it should've been him. he didn't want anyone else to touch me, or to be close to me. He hated it.

"what does he look like?"

"he has black hair with yellow on the ends of his hair. He has yellow eyed and hes roughly 6'2. He had both of his arms covered in sleeve tattoos"

he was jealous. He was upset. A tall, tattooed handsome man had his arms around you while he could only watch from afar. He wondered about his own looks. He had nothing that the other guy didnt.

" does he make you laugh"

he asked as he tried to hide the bitterness in his voice.

" he doesn't make me cry."

his breath hitched upon hearing that. He knows that i've cried more than i should have while he was with me. He still remembered how much you cried when he broke up with you over a petty reason like another girl. He felts his guilt slowly coming up to his head.

" im sorry"

he muttered quietly. he can't even blame me for not wanting him to hold me anymore. He wasn't any better than that tattooed man.

i nodded my head. i didn't know what else to say or do.

he didnt want to ask anymore questions, in fear of upsetting himself any further. His eyes trained onto the night sky as he silently fidgeted with his hands, while my hand stayed in his. he wanted to have me all to himself, even though he knew he will never have me the same way he did before.

i sighed and slipped my hand away from his and stood up from my spot next to his bike.

"i have somewhere to be tomorrow. i'll see you later Geto"

i wasnt adamant about seeing him later but it was a nicer way of telling him to go home.

he took one last look at him, his eyes were lingering on my face before it dropped to the ground again.

"yeah"

he muttered softly under his breath as he started the engine of his bike. He waited for me to start walking to my front door step before he drove away, leaving me alone.

this one is shorter than part 1, simply from the fact that i have 0 motivation to write. but i have you liked and enjoyed it.

#geto suguru x reader #gojo x reader #geto suguru #jjk x reader #jjk #fyp #tumblr fyp #viral #explorepage

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dinsdjrn · 1 year

Text

the parts we rearrange | f. morales | 1.5k

frankie "catfish" morales x f!reader

summary: Frankie is a father first, and this past year has been anything but easy. [wc: 1.5k]

tags: 18+, mature themes, fluff, maternal abandonment, brief mention of infertility, FLUFFFFFF, just frankie being a dad, not edited

a/n: first frankie fic! for a fluffy frankie friday! pls be kind, comments and rbs are SOOOOOO appreciated.

my masterlist

You and Frankie had been together for about a year and a half now. You understood his worst parts and forgave him for the invisible scars he carried. It wasn’t an easy love, but it was well worth it at the end of the day.

Eight months ago, everything changed. On a Sunday morning, just like today, a knock at Frankie’s door flipped his world upside down. His ex Gabrielle, was there to drop off their daughter Ana for a week with Frankie. You would make yourself sparse because it was what Gabi wanted, and next Sunday, Ana would go back with Gabi for two weeks. Except this time Gabi never came back.

All she left little five year old Ana with was an apology letter to Frankie. The details didn’t matter, but Gabi couldn’t do it anymore. She was done being a parent, leaving Frankie to completely change his life around.

At first, you didn’t know if he was going to be able to do it. Frankie completely broke down, terrified of being a full time parent. He had spent the last four years co-parenting as a single father, and even that wore him down on good days. He loved Ana more than anything, she was the centre of his universe. He knew he had to step up to the plate, and with the support of you Pope and the Miller brothers, he got his shit together.

It delayed a lot of plans you had with one another, and put a strain on your relationship. At the end of the day you knew Ana came first and you didn’t blame her, but you did find it hard to cancel vacations and delay moving in together.

What made up for all the cancelled plans, was the light Ana brought into your life.

The way she would get excited when you promised you’d sleepover at Frankie’s. How she would fall asleep on the couch tucked between you and her father. The mornings where she’d have endless energy for a kitchen dance party. It was the relationship you wanted that Gabi was too insecure to let you have.

You weren’t sure you ever wanted kids, infertility ran in your family and you didn’t want to set yourself up for heartbreak. Somehow, you found something so much better though, you found Frankie and Ana. And that was enough.

You knew this would be hard weekend for the two of them. It would be their first Mother’s day without Gabi. Ana knew she wasn’t around anymore but she still didn’t completely understand why.

“Dad when is mom coming back? I want her to play dress up with me!”

“Mi bebe,” he would sigh. “Mama just needs to be alone for a while, why don’t we play tea party instead?”

Sometimes redirecting her would work, sometimes she would thrash and cry and ask for her mom. It would break Frankie’s heart and all you could do was watch.

You woke up Sunday to soft kisses being placed over your shoulder. You hadn’t planned on staying the night last night, but after Frankie put Ana to bed he needed you.

He needed you to be there for him, to make him forget the heartbreak the morning would bring. To love him, hold him, and make sure he would feel supported the next morning.

You were in just his t-shirt as he lavished you in soft kisses as the morning light streamed through the curtains.

“Thank you for staying last night, hermosa.”

“Mm, of course Frankie,” you turned to face him in bed, intertwining your legs, and gently kissing him.

You kissed him soft and slow, as you lips moved against one another you felt him physically relax.

“I don’t know if I can do it,” he whispered, “She made a craft at school, and yet has no one to give it to.”

You ran your fingers through his hair and kissed him delicately on the forehead.

“It’ll be okay Frankie, let’s just make her pancakes and take things as they come. She’s a smart kid and she’ll be okay.”

“Mi amor,” he kissed you gently. “Gracias.”

As if on cue you heard Ana get up and go to the bathroom, signalling it was time to start the day. It’s likely today will be long and emotionally exhausting but you will get through it together.

As you went to the bathroom, you heard a shriek of joy from down the hall. As you walked into the kitchen you smiled at the scene; Ana was on Frankies hip and they were singing their favourite song from Moana while they collected all the pancake ingredients.

“You ready for Morales world famous pancakes, kiddo?” You asked.

She sang your name along side a “Good morning!” And ran to give you a hug.

“Good morning to you!” You sang back, Frankie smiling at the two of you from the kitchen.

It warmed his heart to see how Ana took to you. You had endless conversations around whether or not Gabi would eventually be okay with you being in her life. Most of which would end with a “She will warm up to the idea eventually!” From Frankie.

“Dad, is Mama coming today?” Ana asked.

Frankie looked at her sadly, longing in his eyes for the day she would understand.

“No angel, Mama still needs to be alone?”

“Do you think she’s ever coming back?” Ana looked up and asked you with the world in her eyes.

You looked at Frankie for guidance, not sure how to proceed.

He came over to the two of you and crouched to her level.

“I don’t know, mi amor, but you’ve got us,” He said softly.

You crouched too, to wrap her in a hug. She would probably never fully understand why her mom left, not for a long time at least. In that moment you vowed to be there for her, help her on her hardest days, and be the person she needed when Frankie wouldn’t understand.

“I made something for you at school,” She smiled up at you.

“Oh, that’s so sweet,” You smiled at her.

“Mama would have been mad if I had given it to you, but I want you to have it,” You could see the conflict she was facing.

“Go grab it! It’s alright,” Frankie said, tickling her sides as she went earning another big squeal from Ana.

She ran to her backpack at the door, you looked at Frankie and he just shrugged. This was a surprise for both of you.

Ana came running back with a craft that was mess of pink yellow and orange construction paper.

She held it out to you. You took it in.

It was a Mother’s Day Card, made for you. Your name on it and everything.

‘Happy Mother’s Day! I love you!!’

She had hand drawn a flower and a picture of you two holding hands on the inside. Your heart melted in your chest and you brought your free hand to your eyes to wipe away your tears.

“Is it okay?” She asked the world in her eyes.

“It is more than okay,” you crouched to meet her. “I love it and I love you.”

You grabbed and pulled her into a large bear hug and rocking her back and forth. You didn’t see it but you knew Frankie had the biggest smile on his face, and was probably also a bit teary eyed.

When you pulled away she ran over to her father.

“Well, I don’t think I’ve been this happy in a long time,” you said.

“Me either, Mama,” Frankie smiled at you.

“Can we have pancakes now?” Ana groaned, the moment coming and going as quickly as possible.

“Well, if we are going to have Mother’s Day breakfast, we are going to do it right!” Frankie announced.

“You,” he pointed at you, “Back to bed! And you,” pointing to Ana, “And I are going to make the best breakfast in bed you’ve ever seen!”

So you took your card and went back into bed. You snapped a quick photo and texted it to Pope. He was thrilled that Ana had taken such a big step in your relationship.

You settled into bed reading a bit of your book as you listened to pans rattling in the kitchen, Disney songs on full blast. Not long after you heard someone running down the hall. The door swung open and Ana jumped onto the bed next to you.

“Happy Mother’s Day!” She said giving you the biggest hug she could muster.

Frankie walked in shortly after carrying a breakfast tray; it had pancakes, yogurt, granola, orange juice and coffee.

“Thank you!” You exclaimed.

The flowers you had bought earlier that week were wrapped in newspaper on the tray. You smiled at the “present” sure that Ana said you needed one and Frankie grabbed the first thing he could find.

You all sat together eating breakfast in bed, stealing kisses from Frankie while Ana would cringe. The day you were so anxious about ended up being one of the best days in your relationship, finally feeling like you and Frankie were a family. It was a beautiful thing to be loved, and Frankie and Ana made sure you never forgot it.

no tags bc its not a joel one :) but if you want to be on my main taglist for all the things let me know!

#frankie morales x reader #frankie morales #frankie morales oneshot #frankie morales fluff #frankie morales fanfiction #frankie morales x you #frankie morales fic #triple frontier fic #triple frontier fanfiction #francisco morales #francisco morales x you #francisco morales x reader #francisco morales fanfiction #frankie morales fanfic

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starcrossedxwriter · 1 year

Text

Built for Love Part 6 (MBJ x Famous OC)

Warnings: NSFW, mentions of past experience with DV

A/N: I'm really excited about this one because… we are getting some fluff and smut with minimal to no angst lol love that for them! Enjoy!

“So how’s shit with Charlotte going?” Calliet asked, the loud crack of the pool table filling the air as Michael took his first shot.

“You mean, Els, get that shit right nigga,” Stello interjected, snickering lightly as Michael rolled his eyes at him. If there was one thing his friends were always going to do, it was make fun of his romantic side.

Michael let out a low chuckle, choosing to let his best friend’s comment pass him by without a retort. “We’re good. She’s… she’s good.”

“You sure? Cause you don’t seem sure.” His friends immediately picked up on the pause in his words.

“Nah, she is good. Great actually. I’m gonna sound crazy sayin’ this but she’s the one.”

“Nigga, it’s been three months. Relax, my guy.”

Michael shrugged. “When you know, you know. And I know that shit. It’s just…” Michael scratched his head. He had not told his friends about Charlotte’s past yet. He questioned whether it was his place to do so, to share details of her life she did not offer up herself. It seemed that only her family and closest friends knew the truth and he did not want to spread it around. However, he could not deny that he could use a sounding board as he navigated such murky waters. And he was not a man who was afraid to talk with his boys about his problems and be vulnerable. He decided he would just keep it vague, the details were Charlotte’s story to tell. “Things really are good. It’s just this shit from her past that comes up occasionally. Her ex was abusive.”

“Oh shit. For real?”

“Fuck.”

“He hit her?”

Michael shook his head. “Yea. The couple things she told me were fuckin’ insane. And I don’t think I’ve heard the worst of it. If I ever see that nigga…” He let out a deep exhale as he clenched his fists. Michael was far from a violent person, he could not even tell you the last time he even had a desire to get into a fight with anyone. Everyone in his orbit, including himself, would describe him as the calming force in a room, he always had the ability to keep his emotions in check. However, if he thought too long or too hard about Shaun Parker, all he could feel was rage. And the only action he could think of was ripping him limb from limb.

“Damn, that’s tough. How is she doin’?”

“Most of the time, she’s great. She’s herself. You know she’s shy and reserved in front of other people but once she’s comfortable, she’s so energetic and fun to be around. She’s charming but still has that cute awkward shit goin’ on that keeps her real and honest, fuckin’ hilarious. But the rest… I’ll say or do somethin’ that triggers her and she seems terrified of me but doesn’t know it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like it’s not a conscious thing but I can feel it wafting off of her sometimes. The first time, she broke a wine glass at my place by accident, got red wine on the rug. She’s clumsy as fuck. But I don’t care. It’s actually kinda cute. And shit happens. It’s just a fuckin’ rug. By the time she came over again, I had a new one already. She looked like she had seen a ghost, pale and freaked out. She apologized a hundred times. Her hands were shakin’ so hard, she couldn’t even pick up the glass. A couple weeks ago, she forgot we made dinner plans, same thing. And it wasn’t a big deal at all. I actually preferred it cause I was tired as hell. We ordered in and just talked. But I could feel her whole body tense like she was waiting for me to lash out at her. We were out last week, she was chatting with the waiter while I took a call. She was like an entirely different person when I got back to the table. And I wasn’t thinkin’ twice about who the fuck she talked to. But in her mind, she committed a crime or some shit.”

“That shit’s heavy,” Calliet offered as he rounded the pool table for his shot. “Seems like small shit to us but to her, it means a whole other thing. How you dealing’ with it? I know that shit bothers you.”

Michael scoffed, taking a long sip of his drink. “Of course it fuckin’ bothers me. To have the woman I love seem terrified of me, terrified I would even consider hurting her like that? Shit is frustrating. But I dunno. I did all this research on how to be supportive and been slowly tryin’ to add that in. But I dunno. Just worried it isn’t enough.”

“Want my two cents?” Steelo offered. Michael was usually weary of taking relationship advice from his best friend. Steelo’s longest committed relationship amounted to months. But he also never pretended he wanted anything else, he was more than happy living the single bachelor life. Michael decided to just hear him out. If it was bad, which it was likely to be, he would just ignore it.

“Hit me.”

“I know I was anti-Charlotte after everything went down in Philly but this the happiest I’ve ever seen you. I think you gotta just keep showing up and maybe, actually talk to her? Research is great, google is your best friend. And you can do all that. But you also gotta know what she needs and the only person who can tell you that is her. Ask her, give her time to figure out what she needs from you, and then do those things in addition to the other shit. And I know it sounds crazy but maybe she also just has to hear you say that shit. You know… assurances and all that… women love that shit.”

Michael glanced at Calliet who merely shrugged. “Hey, I agree with him. Broken clock is right twice a day.”

The men laughed a bit at Michael’s friend’s expense before the only married man in the group added, “Nah but forreal. The kid is right. Talk to her. Ask her how you can make her more comfortable and go from there.”

“That might be the first solid dating advice you’ve given me.”

“Check back in another decade, I might have more.”

***

“Dinner was delicious, babe. You know when you said you could cook, I definitely thought you were lying.”

Michael chuckled. “My momma taught me a thing or two. Said she wasn’t raisin’ niggas who couldn’t throw down in the kitchen.”

She nodded. “Well, shout out to your mom. The women of the world, particularly this one,” she pointed at herself. “Thank her.”

He brought her a plate with a piece of chocolate cake on it, his favorite. He smiled as she did a little happy dance in her seat. His girl most certainly had a sweet tooth.

“Don’t tell me you made this too? Cause then I might have to marry you,” she joked.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, baby,” he winked at her and smirked, causing her to roll her eyes. “But nah, my sister would kill me if I took credit for that. She’s the baker. I’m hopeless with desserts. It’s my favorite thing of hers. ”

“Then we are a perfect pair. You can cook and I’ll make dessert.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he kissed the top of her head before settling back in his seat.

He watched her eat for a few minutes, enjoying her facial expressions and small but distinct sounds of delight with every bite. She was clearly in heaven. But tonight had not just been about showing his girl a fun time and cooking for her, it was also about broaching a difficult conversation and putting his friends’ advice into action.

“Hey, Els.”

“What’s up?”

He held out his hand for hers, his thumb going to rub the inside of her wrist. He started doing it more often after their dinner date fiasco, realizing that she seemed to respond well to it. It was a small and gentle touch, but every time he did, her body visibly relaxed and seemed more at ease instinctually.

“What do you need from me to feel more comfortable and safe?”

Charlotte raised an eyebrow in confusion, her spoon gently clattering against the slide of her plate as she sat it down. “What prompted that question, Mr. Jordan?”

“Well, I just know this is your first relationship since everything. There are triggers and shit that are gonna come up. And that’s ok, I know it all takes time. I just… I want to assure you that I ain’t him. And I would never hurt you. And whatever you need me to do to help you believe that and feel you know, more at ease, I’ll do it.”

Charlotte’s heart melted for a moment before her own guilt set in. She tried not to think much about her triggers. They happened far too often. And each time, she would curse herself for it, profusely remind herself that Michael was not her ex, and swear to herself that it wouldn’t happen again. However, it always did and it felt like by the time she saw it coming, it was too late to stop it. However, what she never wanted to do was make him believe she thought he was like Shaun. She knew that was not the case in her heart, mind, and soul. However, she knew, as the famous book and her therapist constantly reminded her, the body kept a different score, kept a laundry list of every beating, every humiliating and degrading moment. She may have pushed the memories out of her mind but every single one was still etched in her bones. And she could not force that out of herself, it would only take time.

She clenched her eyes shut for a moment before sighing. “I’m sorry, Bakari. I-I never want you to feel like I think you’d hurt me or something. I know… I know that isn’t you.”

He shook his head. “Hey. Don’t apologize. I didn’t bring it up to blame you. Your past is part of you and I know it ain’t shit you can just turn on and off when it’s convenient. That’s why I want to know how I can help?”

Charlotte stood up, abandoning her cake to join him across the table, sitting on his lap. Her hand settled against his cheek, her fingers playing with his coarse facial hair.

“There is nothing you need to change, Michael. A-and I’m not just saying that. You’re everything I could hope for. And you treat me better than I could’ve dreamed for myself. I guess…” She paused. “I didn’t realize how hard it would be trying to be in a relationship again. I’m not afraid of you. But when you live in constant fear for so long, it sort of becomes part of you. It guided every decision, every choice, every action… every second of every day. And I think, sometimes, even though I know in my soul you aren’t him, that fear is still there in my bones. And when it hits, I don’t even realize it until it feels like I’m drowning in it. A-and I’m sorry for that because I know it’s not fair to you. I’m trying really, I promise.” She clenched her eyes shut for a moment, afraid of where this conversation might actually be headed. “B-But if it’s too much for you, I u-understand. I c-can’t expect you to stick around forever while I figure o-out my -”

“Love, stop. Breathe. That’s not what this is at all. I’m here until you get sick of me, baby girl.” He peppered her face with pecks causing her to laugh. “And don’t apologize to me cause I don’t need it or want it. I just want you to be ok and happy with me, not worried when some other shoe is gonna drop. If there’s nothing, great. But if there is, I just want to know it. We don’t gotta discuss it tonight. I have a whole surprise waiting for you downstairs. Ain’t tryin’ ruin it. But just promise me, if you ever feel like you do need something from me to feel safer o-or I’m doing something that makes you feel unsafe, promise me you’ll tell me.”

She pressed her lips to his. She appreciated that he was not shying away from her reality, that he was jumping in to address the hard things. She would not have blamed him if he wanted to end things but he was still here, still loving her and wanting to work through the kinks of their relationship. If he was willing to have hard conversations, she had to be willing too. She could not just will all of this away, she had to actively work on it.

“I promise.”

“Aight, good. Now we got the hard stuff outta the way, wanna follow me to the basement?”

“Are you gonna tell me what the surprise is? I thought you cooking for me and the food not killing me was the surprise?”

“Ha. Ha. Ha. And nah, I’m beginning to think you really don’t know what surprise means.”

“I know what it means, I just like to be in the know.”

“Alright, close your eyes.”

“Bakari…” she whined.

“Just do it, Els. Damn, you never listen to a nigga,” he mumbled.

She winked at him before acquiescing to his wishes and closing her eyes.

One hand held onto hers while his free hand settled on her hip as he led her downstairs and around a corner to his movie room.

“Ok, open.”

She opened her eyes to find the room completely different from the last time she came down there. Giant cozy pillows and blankets draped like a tent covered the floor, a whole set up of popcorn and other snacks and two cocktail glasses waiting for them.

“I know you’re kind of a homebody so a more creative spin on dinner and a movie?” He offered with a shrug.

“You did all this??”

“Yea, I remember you mentioned once on set that you and your siblings used to have movie nights and make forts in your basement.”

She giggled as he led her to the perfectly constructed tent in his basement. He essentially turned his downstairs into a campground, with soft lightening and cushy blankets and pillows littering the floor around his flat screen tv.

“This is far better than any fort we made.”

It clearly had taken him and perhaps a team of people time to set it all up. It was beautiful. She leaned over and picked up a pack of gummy bears, her favorite. “You didn’t have to do all this for me,” she whispered. “It’s too much.”

Michael shook his head. “Nothing is ever too much for you. Besides, press tour is in what, two weeks? We’re gonna be busy so we gotta enjoy the time together while we can.”

Michael went to the bar to pull out a pitcher of mojitos before he got situated in their fort next to her.

“Not gonna lie. I’m kinda looking forward to it. It’ll be my first real press tour.”

“I’m about to be all your work firsts, then?”

Charlotte nodded as she took a sip of the cocktail Michael made for her.

“Yea and some personal ones, I’m sure,” she muttered under her breath, thinking back to the conversation with her friends.

“What’s that mean?”

She let out a nervous laugh and shook her head. “Nothing, nothing at all.” She turned the gummy bears toward him, allowing him to take a handful before she snuggled into his side.

The pair snuggled and joked as they watched Bad Boys, a movie that made it onto both of their top five movies lists. Their banter carried them through most of the film, the pair analyzing and offering their two cents as if they were experts on thwarting criminals. The pair made their way through an obscene amount of snacks and a pitcher of mojitos as they watched the first movie and its sequel.

“Those drinks were so good,” she muttered as she examined the now-empty pitcher, a small pout on her features. “If this whole acting thing doesn’t work out, you could be a bartender for sure.”

Michael laughed and rubbed her thigh. “You wanna just crash here? You shouldn’t drive home after all that. And it’s already late as hell,” he remarked, glancing at his watch to find it was almost 1 am.

She shrugged and winked at him. “Jokes on you… that was alllllll part of the plan. Your bed is more comfortable than mine.”

“Damn, you just usin’ a nigga for a comfortable bed??”

“Not just the bed… Comfortable bed, free meals, cuddly oversized sweatshirts,” she listed on her fingers with a sly smile.

“You know I’m good for other things too,” he whispered with a smirk on his face, his fingers drawing featherlike patterns on her exposed thigh that sent chills down her spine. She knew exactly what he was suggesting and she did not know if it was the liquor or just the overall effect he had on her body, but she wanted to know what those things were. She wanted more. More of him, more of his touch, more of his love. And she did not want to wait a single moment longer.

And she did not want the night to end, their last true moment of solitude before life picked up again. They would be traveling and exhausted for a month. Though she was excited to spend her first press run with him, she knew it would not be true alone time. It would be work and since they were not a public couple yet, they would have to exercise some discretion.

She threw caution to the wind and straddled his hips, ignoring his surprised look as she took charge of the moment. She kissed him before nibbling on his ear and whispering, “Why don’t you show me?”

Usually, those words would have had Michael ripping a woman’s clothes off within milliseconds. However, despite the lust coursing through him, he forced himself to pause and confirm her wishes. Once he knew Charlotte wanted to take it slow, he always made sure to pump the brakes before things got too hot and heavy between them. No matter how hard it was - and it was excruciatingly hard - it was one of his many attempts to show Charlotte that he understood and respected her boundaries and subtly remind her she had agency in their relationship. He never wanted her to feel pressured to do something she did not want to do because she was conditioned never to say no. He wanted her to know she was steering the ship and he was fine with whatever speed she chose.

Admittedly, this was the longest he ever waited for a woman to sleep with him. They were well into month three and had not progressed past heated make out sessions. However, Michael, honestly, did not mind. He longed to bury himself inside her, to taste her, to show her pleasure she had never known before. But he knew it would be more enjoyable for both of them if she was truly ready for it.

Michael’s eyes grew wide with surprise as her statement settled in his brain matter. He leaned back over her, his soft hand cupped her cheek and held her eyes to his.

“You sure? We don’t gotta do anything you aren’t ready for, Els. And we been drinkin’ and shit. I’ll wait as long as you want, love.”

Charlotte offered him a soft smile. “I know. And it’s very sweet and it makes me love you even more if that’s even fucking possible,” she let out a nervous laugh. “I trust you a-and I want you. That’s all I need. So I am very ready for you to break my back like you promised.”

Michael chuckled and kissed her on the neck softly.

“You sure?”

Charlotte knew she would not find the words to describe how desperately she needed him. It was no longer a want that could be diminished by her anxieties and fears, it was a need. A need that felt as fundamental to her survival as oxygen to her lungs and sustenance to her body. His willingness to take it slow and respect her boundaries, the ways he went out of his way to make her feel safe and desired daily only increased her lust. So she decided to show him through action.

“Yes…” she reached for the hem of her dress and pulled it over her shoulders, thankful she decided to wear a matching bra and panty set. She had no intention, originally, of their date night taking this specific turn but she was grateful nonetheless. She felt empowered and assured in her decision as she watched his reaction, pure lust and desire taking over his features.

He licked his lips before he captured hers again. She moaned as his hands enjoyed free reign of her body, softly kneading and gripping her ass and thighs. She could feel the desire pooling between her legs, the movie playing on the tv long forgotten. She did not stop him as he flipped her onto her back, his chest pressed against hers as he sucked on the soft skin of her neck.

Michael took his time as he kissed her, paying close attention to every moan and groan, his ears perking up when he hit a sweet spot. He wanted to know every intricacy of what she liked and just how she liked it. His path of kisses and gentle nips down her body was deliberate and slow, he savored how her whimpers became needier as he went. But he did not speed up. He was determined, desired to see her come undone piece by piece, and that was a process he could not rush.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered as his lips lingered against one of her scars, knowing they made her insecure about her appearance.

By the time he reached her lower stomach, her whimpers had turned to pants of need. Charlotte had never experienced foreplay like this before. She did not understand how he was already so attentive, the way he seemed to immediately respond to her body, picking up on cues Charlotte would not have been able to articulate herself. If her body was an instrument, Michael seemed to already be a savant, hitting the right notes with every caress and touch. It was a slow march and Charlotte was feigning for the main event, feigning for him to fill her.

Michael finally detached his lips from her body and made quick work of removing her thong.

“All this for me?” He whispered as he licked his lips as he admired the wetness between her thighs.

He spread her legs and licked his lips before kissing her inner thighs. Charlotte almost saw God when he added in a gentle bite, sending sparks of pleasure through her. With every passing second, his lips got closer and closer to the treasure between her thighs, a coveted meal Michael had been waiting months to taste.

However, realizing his intention, Charlotte immediately felt the first wave of anxiety and insecurity hit her, pulling her out of the moment and mind-numbing fog of pleasure.

“W-what are you doing?” She breathed out, stopping his path toward her core.

“About to get a taste,” he muttered as he continued kissing her inner thighs.

Charlotte squirmed for a moment before quietly offering. “Y-You don’t have to do that… if you don’t want to.”

He raised an eyebrow in confusion. There was literally nothing he wanted more in this world at this moment. “I definitely want to. What’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing’s wrong. I’ve just never…” She scratched her forehead and kept her eyes trained on the ceiling. It was embarrassing and she did not really want to say it out loud. Similar to her lack of an orgasm, she had also never revealed to anyone that her sexual experience was severely lacking in terms of receiving pleasure. Giving? She was good at it and enjoyed it occasionally. But she had always been the giver and now could not even fathom what receiving felt like. She knew, based on conversations with her girlfriends, that she was missing something spectacular and life changing. But the mental block was there and she found it hard to want it. “Never mind, it’s embarrassing.”

Michael chuckled. “Aint shit to be embarrassed about with me, baby.” He kissed her softly on the lips.

“No one’s ever given me…”

Her words died in her throat but Michael did not need her to finish the sentence. He knew exactly what she was trying to say and shocked was an understatement. He had jerked himself off more times than he would ever admit dreaming of her paradise, what she tasted like, and what sounds she would make when he finally found himself in that promised land. And to think that no one had ever taken the time or care to give her that pleasure angered him more than it should have. He supposed he should be happy he was the first one to give her that experience but he hated that her sex life prior to him had been so lacking.

“You trust me?”

She nodded immediately. “Of course.”

“Ok, then just lay back and relax for me, aight? If you don’t like it, I’ll stop. But I don’t think you’re gonna want me to stop.” He offered her a knowing wink.

Michael was not a man who begrudgingly engaged in foreplay simply because it was required. The build up was his favorite part of the experience, knowing he was giving his partner exactly what they needed and wanted, worshiping her body like the queen she was. He would bask in every moment of proving to her that he wanted to do this task more than anything else.

“Always so cocky,” she muttered with a smile.

“And you love that shit,” he shot back as they traded playful jabs. “Now relax… and let me take care of you.”

Michael’s hands pushed open Charlotte’s legs, her pussy glistening with need.

Not wanting to waste another second, he leaned in and enveloped her clit into his mouth, sucking gently.

Charlotte let out a deep moan, a moan so visceral and carnal, she did not even know she could produce such a sound. But she didn't even know her body could feel pleasure like this and he was only just getting started.

It seemed Michael was right about one thing, she most certainly did not want him to stop.

Michael poured his whole soul into his ministrations, pulling out every trick he knew to send Charlotte over the edge. He licked and sucked, spelling out all his love and adoration with every caress of his tongue. He savored every moan and groan, every plea for him to go faster.

“Fuck… B-Bakari… p-please don’t stop.”

Unnecessary directions, in his opinion, he could do this all night.

Charlotte’s eyes clenched shut as she grabbed one of the plush pillows on the floor and moaned into it, suddenly remembering that Michael’s parents lived with him.

“Put the pillow down,” he emerged from her legs to demand. “Room’s soundproof, I promise. I wanna hear you.”

She immediately tossed it to the side as she rode the waves of pure passion and ecstasy his mouth provided. She was not sure where to concentrate as every pleasure sensor in her body felt like it was on fire. She was overwhelmed and yet, she wanted more. She wanted to drown in it, drown in this feeling that seemed to never end. Every time, she felt as if she must be reaching its peak, he pushed her higher and higher.

His eyes never left her face as he devoured what would now be classified as his favorite meal. The moment she came, he wanted to see it. Every sound she made only spurred him on as he inched her closer and closer to her mountain top.

Charlotte felt her world go dark, everything in her snapped as waves of pleasure crashed over her. She felt as if she was in fog, Michael’s voice distant and quiet as she experienced her first orgasm. She felt as if he had just altered the course of her life at that moment. She wondered if this was what rebirth felt like and how she had ever lived without this unfiltered… bliss. She let out a stream of curse words as she rode out her orgasm, Michael offering her praise that she could barely register.

“That’s it, Els. Cum for me.”

He emerged from between her legs and kissed her, allowing her to taste herself.

“You taste so good, baby. So sweet,” he offered as he gave her a few moments to settle down. .

“T-that was…” She struggled to find the words as her already slightly hoarse voice filled the space.

“You liked that, baby?” He asked, his deep voice sending jolts of pleasure down her body. His finger entered her, immediately curling into her g-spot causing her to gasp.

This man… was going to be the death of her, she decided.

“Y-Yes,” she whispered.

“You want more, Els?”

She nodded fervently. Michael pushed himself off the floor and quickly stripped down, his manhood standing at attention for the woman he loved.

Her breath hitched slightly as she took in his length and girth. He settled himself between her legs before starting to push inside her.

She let out a groan of pain that made him pause, his eyes immediately filling with concern. He started to pull out when she wrapped her legs around his hips to stop him.

“N-No, don’t. I-it’s just been a couple years. That’s all. I’m good, promise.”

His forehead fell against hers as he slowly pushed inside her. His eyes did not leave hers, pausing his movements every time he saw an iota of discomfort or pain on her face. He whispered sweet nothings in her ear, professed his love and adoration for her, told her how good she felt around him as he waited for her to adjust.

And once she gave him the ok, he started his slow and steady strokes into her.

“You feel so fucking good, baby” he muttered as the soft slapping sounds of their hips meeting filled his basement.

His dick curved right into her g-spot, forcing words of adoration and love from the depths of her soul at the end of every stroke. Her soft pants morphed into moans and screams of pleasure as she felt jolts of pleasure throughout her body.

“F-fuck, I l-love you,” she panted out. “Harder,” she demanded, Michel more than happy to oblige.

He increased his pace, relentlessly fucking her. She was thankful this portion of the house was soundproof, his basement soaking up the loud symphony of their collective moans. .

She could feel all of the love and adoration he held for her in every stroke, every affirmation he whispered into her ear as he sent her soul to another plane. All she could do was pant and cry out in pleasure as he promised to love her until his last day.

Michael’s physical fitness and stamina meant that they were just getting started. Michael and Charlotte moved around his basement, fucking on any and all surfaces that they saw fit. He transitioned between positions like an experienced dancer and pulled countless orgasms from the depth of her soul.

“Fuck. Just like that baby. Ride this dick,” he moaned. He let out a low growl as she rode him, he was in heaven as he buried his face in her chest, his mouth enveloping her nipple. He was surprised at how much she responded to it, her head falling back in pleasure, her mouth agape. She cried out in pleasure as he gently bit down on the swell of her breasts. He switched between the two, making sure to give each equal attention.

“You look so sexy riding my dick,” he praised her, causing her to increase her pace.

She ignored the burn in her thighs as she continued, her thoughts only focused on giving him the same pleasure he gave her. She loved this position. It made her feel emboldened and in charge. And so she decided to enjoy that feeling and switch it up, giving him another view to enjoy. She slid off of him, both of them groaning lightly at the feeling of emptiness while she repositioned herself in reverse cow girl and slid back onto his dick.

Michael smirked at the satisfied moan that escaped her lips as he filled her again. He grabbed her hips, thrusting into her rapidly as he enjoyed the view of her ass bouncing against his hips. He had let her control the pace before but now? It was his turn again. She yelped lightly as his hand spanked her. It was unexpected but not too rough, clearly to test the waters. She moaned, letting him know that she enjoyed it, the edge of roughness and small jolts of pain mixed in with his gentle touches.

“You like that, baby?” He asked as he spanked her again, his strong arms lifting her body up and down as if she weighed nothing.

“Y-Yes! I love it,” She panted out, breathless and exhausted as he fucked her. “I’m g-gonna cum!”

Her hands pressed against his stomach to hold herself up as she rode the length of her orgasm, her body barely staying up right. When she calmed down, he lifted her off of him and instructed her to get on all fours.

He positioned himself behind her and massaged her ass for a moment, admiring the perfect view.

“Arch your back for me, baby. That’s it, good girl.”

Charlotte could’ve cum right then, hearing him praise her.

Good girl, she wanted to hear that every day for the rest of her life.

She groaned as he entered her again, this position allowing him to get even deeper than before. Charlotte’s screams grew to new heights as he fucked her senseless from behind, taking her directive to break her back extremely serious. She was thankful that the strength of his thrusts naturally buried her face in the pillows of their now destroyed fort; she did not think even a soundproof room could contain her at this point.

In this moment, she realized exactly what Jazz meant: this was life-changing and fun. For the first time, she was not waiting for it to all be over, she was enjoying it, actively meeting his thrusts to increase her pleasure. And when his fingers dug into her hips to hammer into her at his own pace, like a man possessed, she was more than willing to surrender her entire being to him and let him give her exactly what he believed she needed. Because he actually knew, every action was meticulous and measured, attuned to needs she did not even know she had. But he did and she loved him for it. So she surrendered, surrendered to bliss, knew she would forever happily hand over the reins of her pleasure to him because she desperately wanted what he had to give.

“Why you running, baby?” He asked as he fucked her, her body instinctively shying away from the intense pleasure of another orgasm building too fast.

“I-I… I-it’s too much…” she breathed out, unable to form coherent sentences.

“You want me to stop?” He asked as he continued fucking relentlessly.

“N-no,” she whimpered, and it was true. Her body felt as if it may die if he stopped but also that another orgasm might kill her. In a split second decision, dying from pleasure seemed like the better way to go.

“Good girl. You’re taking me so well, love. Cum for me one more time, baby.”

As he felt her pussy snapping around his dick and her screams grew louder, he knew she was close. He reached around and rubbed her clit to give her the extra push she needed.

Charlotte let out a breathless scream, her vision going black as the most powerful orgasm of her life ran through her. She didn't even get to feel him cum inside her as he finally reached his own peak.

When she finally opened her eyes again, Michael was sitting watching her intently.

“Welcome back, almost had me worried for a minute. You ok?”

All she could do was nod, not understanding how he looked completely unruffled while she felt as if she had done a triathlon.

He held out his hand to help her up and slide his robe around her. She was surprised to find him already in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt.

“H-How long was I out?”

He laughed, kissing the top of her head. “Just a couple minutes. Come on, I’ll start a bath upstairs.”

She groaned as she tried to move her legs. “M-My legs don’t work, babe. N-Not gonna make it upstairs.”

He laughed and swooped her up into his arms. “Good thing you have me then.”

Charlotte snuggled into his chest as he carried her to his suite. He made quick work of filling the tub with hot water and helping her into the tub, the smell of eucalyptus, her favorite, filling her nose.

“This is sweet,” she said, her voice raspy from their activities. “T-thank you.” She settled into the bathtub, her head lulling back as her eyes fell closed. The warm water felt like heaven on her aching muscles.

“You feel ok? Was afraid I was too rough at the end?”

She let her head fall lazily in his direction, a content smile on her face. “No, it was great. Though I think you might've thought I was a gymnast at one point, really pushed the limits of my flexibility. And I now feel like I need to go to yoga classes so I don’t need to soak my muscles every time we have sex,” she laughed. “But it was perfect. You’re perfect.”

They shared a sweet kiss before silence fell over them. Charlotte did not stay in the tub long, her desire to be in Michael’s arms again overwhelming. Once she was done, Michael gave her clothes to throw on and they climbed into bed.

Michael’s head rested on her chest, both of them muttering soft I love you’s before they drifted off to sleep.

***

“Charlie!”

Charlotte's eyes gravitated toward a familiar voice, finally landing on Chris who had commandeered a corner booth toward the back and was waving at her.

“How are you??” Her voice took on a sing-songy tone as she hugged him before sitting across from him. “It’s been way too fucking long.”

“I know, I know. It’s tough. I’m rarely out here and you’re never in NYC anymore.” His voice was filled with teasing accusations as he referenced her disappearing act. “But I’m glad you were able to fit me in.”

The pair spent over a half hour catching up, Chris sharing gossip from the NYC theater scene that Charlotte was no longer in touch with. She considered Chris MacDonald to be one of her closest friends. He had been her mentor when she was at a school, he was a recent graduate working on his musical and worked with students in his free time. He was easily the most talented songwriter she had ever heard, his first musical becoming a staple on Broadway within months. Every song he touched turned to gold and money. They transcended the usual mentor-mentee relationship quickly, becoming good friends. Chris always vowed to make her his leading lady in one of his shows one day.

“So what are the next few months looking like for you?”

“We’re starting press for Creed out here next week. Then the premieres here and press and a premiere in Philly. We have a couple of events and things once it hits theaters and then I should get a break right before Christmas. Thankfully, since it is the first one, the press schedule isn’t insane. But it's still a lot.”

“So I gotta know, do you miss the stage at all?”

“All the time,” Charlotte moaned, her shoulders collapsing a bit. Chris was the type of person who knew the answer to his question before he asked it. So she knew there was no use in lying. “All. The. Time.” She emphasized. “Movies are great, don’t get me wrong. Can’t say anything too bad about them, after all, my first major film led me to Michael. Who you have to meet by the way. But it’s just not the same. It doesn’t… make my soul happy the way theater did? Money’s better,” Chris immediately nodded in agreement. “But that’s about it. Just doesn’t really fulfill me the same way.”

“Would you want to go back?”

An antenna in Charlotte’s mind went up as she heard his tone, his voice taking on the tenor of someone who was dipping a toe in to test the waters.

“Ummm yea, I mean I’d love to go back. But… the practicalities of it. Just don’t think it is in the cards for me.” She shook her head gently and picked up her coffee. The mug hid the sad smile she had on her face, a realization that her choices meant her dreams weren’t a possibility anymore. “Besides, there isn’t a theater director who knows my name who’d give me another chance.” She simply shrugged. “It’s cool though. My life’s out here now, new relationship’s out here, friends, family. It’s better this way.”

Chris nodded. “What if you were looking at a writer and producer who wanted you to be in their next show?”

Charlotte laughed, “Very funny, Chris.” She had heard about his next project through the grapevine, which just completed an off-Broadway run in Massachusetts and was picked up to perform on Broadway in the new year. His musical, The Lighthouse, followed the closing shift of a dive bar during a winter’s storm. It was one of those shows where the entire play takes place in a singular room, following four characters, the owner of the bar and his wife, and the main character, Ashley, and her ex, who is a bartender. Charlotte had only read reviews of it but every review praised Chris for his poignant examination of relationships, human connection, and the innate desire to fight for the things and one you love, even when the fight seems foolish and you are outnumbered.

“I’m being dead serious, Charlie. I know you’re about to start promo for the film so you wouldn’t get that break you’re looking forward to. But it premieres on Broadway in March. We are casting new folks since the off broadway cast is transitioning to other roles. And for the lead, I started with your name but didn’t think you’d want to come back. And after scouring my brain for months and chatting with other writers like Lin and all roads lead back to you. You’re perfect for it. Your voice, your skills… you would knock it out of the park.”

Charlotte shook her head, “Oh Chris… thank you but I can’t. It’s just not for me anymore.”

“The stage was made for you, girl. Look, I wasn’t trying to come here and beg you but I will if I have to. I want you, Charlie. Not some random girl no one has ever heard of… You, the woman who made me cry the first time I heard her sing, the woman with perfect pitch, a woman who's been through shit and knows how to bring that pain and vulnerability and channel it into a performance. Look, I could get any recent graduate from Juilliard or Yale and throw them in this show and it would be good. But I don’t want ‘good’. I want excellent and you are excellence. Just give me a year. One year. Not even a year,” he corrected himself as she shook her head. “Six months. Six months and you’ll be nominated for a Tony in 2017, maybe even 2016 depending on when they cut off the season. ”

At the sound of the coveted award Charlotte had dreamed of her entire life, Charlotte perked up. “How do you know it’s Tony worthy?”

“Because I wouldn’t have flown across the country to grovel at the feet of one of the greatest actresses and singers I’ve ever seen for anything less than a Tony-winning role. Six months to a year, max. Give me six months of your life, Charlie and I swear - you’re Grammy and Tony nominated at worst… two steps closer to an EGOT at best. Come on, don’t tell me you forgot? This was on the vision board you showed me when you were a plucky, annoying freshman. This is it, this is the opportunity to make that vision board come true.”

Just as Charlotte opened her mouth to rebut him, he stopped her. “Look, I gotta jet to another meeting. But don’t say no just yet, please? I promised the team I would have my Ashley by the time I got back home on Monday. I’ll send you the tracks, the video of the workshop, talk it over… pray on it, and get back to me in a few days. Just promise me you’ll think about it, Charlie. Please?”

Charlotte nodded weakly. “Fine… I’ll think about it.”

She knew logically there was nothing to think about. The mere idea went beyond playing with fire, it was playing with a raging inferno to move back there. For all she knew, Shaun was a mere powder keg waiting for the right spark to explode and she would be handing it to him on a silver platter. However, her soul and her ambition, well those parts of her were thinking… and they were thinking hard.

She said her goodbyes to Chris and paid for her coffee. And before she could even make it outside to her car, she heard the ding of several emails, all from Chris with the music tracks. She slid into her car and hooked it up as she drove to Michael’s. Since they broke through the physical intimacy barrier, she essentially lived at his place. After spending almost every night there, he cleared out a drawer and gave her space in his closet. Now she rarely went to her own spot.

Since his house was a bit farther out, she made it through Act 1 of the show before she pulled into his driveway. However, she did not immediately turn it off to get out of the car. She was so enthralled that she just sat there in his driveway with her eyes closed, falling deeper in love with the music with every passing chord.

“That fucking bastard,” she muttered to herself as her head thudded back against the seat. “The great Chris MacDonald strikes again.”

It was always a running joke among the Broadway community that no one ever said no to Chris. If he wanted you, he would always find a way to convince you to work for him. Whether it was the strength of the piece itself or his persuasive abilities, no was not a word he heard.

And she hated that it was working on her. This was award worthy. It was more than that, it was a game changer. It would take more than a year to pick up steam but when it did, it would become a household name. She could feel it in her bones. And the main character, Ashley, was perfect for her. Her ballad, which closed out Act I, was giving Defying Gravity levels of emotion. It was climatic and she could just picture herself singing it on stage. And while the show was filled with drama and emotion, it struck the perfect balance of being funny and relatable. It was the type of show you left and talked about for hours with your friends, examining each character and their decisions with a fine tooth comb.

She sat in her car and typed out notes on her phone as she worked her way through Act II, noting things she picked up on and wanted to discuss further with Chris. She did not even realize how long she sat out there until she heard a knock on her car window.

“Shit!” She jumped almost clean out of her skin as she turned to find Michael staring at her with a quizzical look on his face. She took a deep breath before opening the door. “You scared me.”

“My bad. I saw you pull up 30 minutes ago. Wanted to make sure you were good. You on the phone or somethin’?”

“30 minutes?? Sorry, baby. I was just listening to these songs Chris sent me.”

She pulled herself and her bag out of the car and followed Michael into the house. The house smelled delicious, Michael immediately returning to the oven to check on his Bolognese sauce.

“How was coffee?”

“Um… intriguing, that’s for sure.” Charlotte threw her bag down on one of the bar stools and immediately grabbed the loaf of bread and other materials that were sitting out to help Michael finish dinner.

“Ok, elaborate.”

Charlotte sighed. “Well, it wasn’t a friendly catch up like I thought. He has a role for me… in his new show.”

“Ok… and?”

“It’s really fuckin’ good, Bakari. Like game changing good. Like household name good. He said he just wanted six months out of me, which is more than enough to be nominated this year or next.”

Michael nodded. “Ok… I’m hearing all the good things… sounds like good shit. But you’re hesitating. What’s stopping you?”

She turned to face him, leaning against the counter. “Well first, my life is here with you. Not in New York. We’ve only been dating for three months. I don’t want to lose what we have.” Michael glanced at her, waiting for her to say more. “A-and I left New York in such a weird way. I don’t even know how people feel about me now. A-and 8 shows a week??” She ranted, taking her frustration out on the helpless loaf of Italian bread in front of her. “Don’t even know if I can physically do that shit anymore. I’m not that good of a dancer… I mean when would we have time to see each other if I’m doing 8 shows a week? I could kiss my current career goodbye. I feel like I started down this road, don’t know if I should backtrack?”

Michael turned her away from the cutting board and took the knife out of her hands. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist, pulling her closer and closer to him.

“What’s really wrong, Els? Cause it ain’t any of the dumb shit you just mentioned.”

Charlotte immediately felt offended, her body attempting and failing to twist out of his firm but still gentle grip. “Excuse me?? Those are legit concerns, thank you very much.”

“No they aren’t. You’re never gonna lose me cause you’re pursuing a dream. New York is a plane ride away, I’ll come to you when I’m not filming. Long distance relationships work and thrive every day, Els.” He started to list off, dismissing her concerns one by one. “You left to save your life. Fuck anyone who doesn’t understand that or sympathize with that shit. Besides, who even gives a fuck what they think? You got Chris in your corner and more people than you think, that’s enough. You can dance just fine. And you run like 6 miles every single day so physically, you can do anything including sing and dance for 2 hrs 8 times a week. And it’s not backtracking. You started in the theater, took a break and are going back. People do that shit literally all the time. I think you’re scared. And if you want to say no for all those practical reasons to Chris, fine. But at least be honest with me. Why are you really hesitating?”

She picked at her nails, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip. She hated that she had to consider him, this dark cloud that hung over her head and still indirectly affected her decisions. She hated that he still had this much power

“I left New York for a reason, Bakari. A-and that reason is still walking and talking and… I don’t think I can ignore that just because Chris dangles a shiny Tony in front of my face.”

“Do you really think he’d try something?”

“I… I dunno. But I also don’t know if I want to test that theory. I gave it all up then because I couldn’t stay alive and keep it. I tried that and it didn’t work. All I got was a break in and three days in the ER. How’s this time gonna be any different? Seems dumb to walk right back into the lion’s den.”

“Are you walking back into the lion’s den or following your dreams? Was he a Broadway enthusiast or somethin?”

Charlotte let out a humorless laugh. “Hell no. He hated musicals… and joy… and laughter… and me,” she added under her breath with a humorless chuckle. “What does it matter?”

“It matters because who's to say he will even know you’re there? Even in the most popular shows, the everyday person doesn’t follow news about it. And this is a new show, not like that rap one everyone I know keeps going to see about the dead white people?”

“Hamilton?” Her judgment of his lack of theater knowledge showed in her laughter.. “‘That musical with the dead white people’” she chuckled. “It’s the hottest ticket of the year, babe.”

“See,” he emphasized, ignoring the tone of shade in her voice. “I’m an actor and still don’t know this shit.”

“Bakari… be serious, please.”

“I am!” He laughed. “Look, all I’m sayin’ is even the most popular shows, the non-broadway goer doesn’t know whose in them. You’re a rising star and the benefit of a rising star is that you can still keep a low profile when you want. For all that nigga knows, you’re still in LA. Talk to Chris about promo and maybe keeping a lower profile for the first couple months and all that and secure your dream, babe.”

“But I already proved I can’t have both, Bakari,” she repeated.

He shook his head. “No, you couldn’t have both then. It’s been a couple years, you’re different. And who knows, that nigga could’ve moved to another state or be in a new relationship or anything. A lot can change in two years, right?”

She scratched her head. The things Michael said made total sense but there was still this wall standing in her way.

“Els, baby. Look at me.” His finger lifted her chin to look him in the eye. “I think you should do it. It’s six months until you come back here. Ever since I’ve known you, being the lead of a show has been your dream. And you miss it. And now someone is handing you the opportunity on a silver platter. Why miss it a second time? And if it makes you feel safer, I’ll move with you.”

Charlotte shook her head. “Baby, I can’t ask you to move across the country for me. Your family, your friends… your life is here.”

He shrugged. “And in six months, my life will still be here. My future is wherever you are. And I told you a couple weeks ago that I’d do whatever you needed to make you feel safe.”

“Yes, with you. Not out in the world. I can’t ask you to upend your entire life for me. We haven’t been together that long.”

“Semantics. I told you I’d do whatever you needed. This counts in my book. Don’t think about the length of time we’ve been together or where it is or any of that shit. Would it help and make you feel more comfortable if I went with you? At least for a couple months?”

Charlotte studied him for a moment, realizing he was truly being sincere. She found it hard to ask for such a thing but she could not deny that it would help her. Even just knowing that she could come home to someone each night and be safe in their arms felt like it would change everything.

“Y-Yea, it would help a lot. But you really don’t have to, babe.”

“Ok then it’s settled. If you take it, I’ll go with you. I know we’re jumping ahead and skipping some steps but I’m in if you are.”

“You don’t want to think about it?”

He shrugged as he moved to put the garlic bread in the oven. “What’s there to think about? It’s like moving for a role. It doesn’t really change much. When would you have to be there?”

“Top of January, the show is supposed to premiere on March 1.”

He nodded. “Ok so if you decide to do it, we can move right after Christmas to make sure you’re there in time.”

Charlotte chuckled. “Yea while you’re planning our move, I actually need to decide whether to do it.”

Michael leaned down and kissed her on the lips. “I’m removing obstacles so you can make the best decision for you. Not for me or because of that nigga. For you. If you want this, we’ll do whatever we gotta do to make sure you’re safe while you do it, ok?”

Her arms went around his shoulders, their bodies flush against each other. “How’d I get so lucky to find you?”

“I’m the lucky one, honeybee.”

Charlotte raised an eyebrow, “Honeybee? That’s a new one. Where’d that come from?”

“Cause you taste sweet, like honey.”

“‘I taste sweet, what do- ohhhhh,” the memory of him saying that during the first time he gave her head came back to her mind causing her to laugh a bit. “Thought I’d try it out. It has a cute ring to it. You don’t like it?”

“I like any nickname you give me, love. But… let’s make this the only one inspired by our sex life, ok?”

“Deal.”

The pair ate dinner before retreating to his bedroom. They did not talk about Chris’s offer again until they were settled in bed, Charlotte laying on Michael’s chest.

“I think… I think I want to do it. You’re right, it’s my dream and I might not get another shot like this again,” she offered in the quiet and darkness. She knew he was not asleep yet.

Michael did not even take a beat before he responded, “I guess we’re moving to New York then.”

Charlotte sat up, leaning on his chest. “You knew I was gonna take it the whole evening didn’t you?”

He shrugged, before shifting so she was laying back down. He placed a kiss on the top of her forehead and merely smiled. “Yea… when are you gonna learn? I’m always right, baby,” he joked. "You gonna call Chris?

She bit down the joke that bubbled to the surface and merely settled back into his arms with a smile.

“Yes you are, baby. And in the morning, it's after midnight."

"Yea and you said he flew all the way out here for you. That man is probably waiting by the phone for you. Call him, if he's asleep, you can try again in the morning. Besides, knowing you, you'll find some way to talk yourself out of it by morning." He reached over to her side and grabbed her phone. "Call him, babe."

"Touché." She slid out of his bed and paced, one hand fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt she had on while her feet dragged across his soft plush carpet.

She waited for a few moments with bated breath until she heard his voice fill her ears.

"Hey, Chris! Sorry if this is too late to call? Hope I didn't wake you."

"Oh no, I was just up working and praying your name would cross my phone sometime before the night was over. Please tell me you called me this late with bad news."

Charlotte chuckled and glanced at Michael who gave her an encouraging smile and thumbs up.

"No, no. Just calling to tell you that you can tell the team you found your new Ashley."

She had to hold the phone away from her ear as his screams of delight threatened to bust her ear drums.

"God, I fucking love you, Charlotte Bennett. I could literally kiss you."

"I think my boyfriend would have something to say about that," she chuckled. "But yea I'm in."

"Amazing. I'll send over details to you and your team tomorrow and we can talk more then. Seriously, Charlie, you won't regret it. I promise."

"I know, thank you, Chris. Seriously. Ok, talk tomorrow. Bye."

She hung up the phone and turned to Michael, the realization hitting her.

"I'm gonna be leading a show on Broadway." She ran back to the bed and jumped on it, her previous exhaustion long forgotten as her excitement took over.

Michael enveloped her in a tight hug before they both settled back into bed.

"This is gonna be good, Els. I can feel it."

She placed a quick kiss on his bare chest. "I feel it too. Thank you. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing this without you."

"I gotchu, Els. Always."

Tags: @certifiedlesbianbaddie @bangtanxmegan @reelwriter19 @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @hi888888sworld @msniaimani @destinio1 @lynaye1993 @chaoticevilbakugo @blackerthings

A/N: As always, thanks for reading! We finally got some smut (woohoo). Tbh smut is like really hard for me to write lol so I hope y'all liked it? I really wanted it to be intimate and showcase how close they've gotten in a short time. They could be sexy and honest and vulnerable and playful with each other and it not ruin the moment, it only enhances it for them. Next chapter, we'll get some fluff with their first public outing as a couple and press tour cuteness (think Tom/Zendaya and Corey/India from Queen Charlotte level cuteness). I'm gonna try to get a one-shot out this week too before I'm off on vacation. We'll see if I can actually get it done :)

Leave a comment on what you thought of the chapter and let me know if you want to be tagged!

#black writers #michael b jordan #michael b jordan x oc #mbjordanedit #michael b jordan x reader #creed 3 #black panther #adonis creed #michael b jordan fanfic #creed iii #michael b jordan smut

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linkemon · 2 months

Text

Let's generalize about man (Tsukishima Kei x Reader)

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here. Consider supporting me on Ko-fi. You can also check out my commissions if you’re interested.

Other oneshots can be found here.

"ʜᴇ ᴋɴᴇᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴋᴇɪ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴋᴀʀᴀꜱᴜɴᴏ ʜɪɢʜ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜰᴏʀɢɪᴠᴇ ᴀ ʟɪᴇ ʙᴜᴛ ʜᴇ ᴡᴀꜱɴ'ᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴ ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ. ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ʙᴇᴇɴ ꜱᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇꜱ ɪɴ ᴠᴏʟʟᴇʏʙᴀʟʟ. ᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴇʀʀᴏʀꜱ, ᴘᴏꜱᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴏꜱɪᴛɪᴏɴ. ᴀꜱ ʟᴏɴɢ ᴀꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀʟʟ ᴡᴀꜱ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴀᴍᴇ, ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴ. ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀᴛᴄʜ ʟᴀꜱᴛᴇᴅ ᴀꜱ ʟᴏɴɢ ᴀꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʟᴀʏᴇʀꜱ ᴄᴀʀᴇᴅ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴀʟ."

"Let's not distinguish between them at all Let's just drink a lot more alcohol And then high-five each other As we make a bunch of blanket statements" Let's generalize about man, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

— And then — Saeko angrily slammed her glass on the table — he told me we were breaking up!

— NO! — the four women sitting at the table shouted in unison.

Several people from neighbouring tables looked reprimandingly at the group of students.

— Exactly! He even told me I was childish. — Senpai raised her finger. — Pour me some more because every time I talk about this asshole, I get angrier.

[Reader] took the half-empty bottle of soju and eagerly filled the glasses.

The evening was filled with giggles, tears and complaints about men. The president of the college council broke up with her boyfriend in the morning. Naturally, her friends rushed to help her. They get out of their classes, found a place and in the name of women's solidarity, came to get drunk.

No one remembered which bottle was on the table. What mattered was that the girls had gotten a discount from their friend, a waiter. The poor guy didn't expect that the group would eat and drink twice as much as he expected.

— All men are the same! — Takamaki said, reaching for the sushi.

— Oh, not everyone to be honest... — Yuna leaned sleepily on the council president. — In our department there's... this guy... damn, what's his name? [Reader], help me, the one who plays volleyball with his friend...

— Yamaguchi Tadashi — she suggested politely.

— Exactly. He's not bad at all. You must get to know him, he really is not stereotypical. — She yawned loudly.

— You're in your first year, so you don't know much yet. First, the exception proves the rule. And secondly, his friend Tsukishima is an asshole for two, so it evens out.

— I heard he didn't give some girl his lecture notes. You don't want to know how what he told her. Poor chick. — Aoi tried hard to take a selfie, even though her hand was shaking.

— He pushed me in the hall last month. He didn't even apologize — Takamaki hiccupped.

— A week ago, when I was going to class, he rejected Junko's invitation for a date in front of everyone. He was totally rude — [Reader] added.

She was really mad at all the guys. It doesn't matter that it wasn't her heart that was broken, no one rejected her or betrayed her. After that evening, everyone seemed terrible to her. More and more new stories told at the table made her blood boil. The alcohol confirmed her belief that she was right.

— Someone should punish them all. My ex and Tsukishima first. — Saeko drank the contents of the glass in one gulp. — Like in those dramas where the heroines make a guy fall in love and then dump him to teach him a lesson. I would give my seat in council to see this.... [Reader], you could do it!

— You really think so? — She looked uncertain.

— I know this. — The president patted her on the shoulder.

The first year would be lying if she said the position offered didn't catch her attention. She didn't particularly stand out at the Tokyo university. She needed something she could then show employers. Unfortunately, the places at the top were cleverly defended by older students. However, with senpai's support, everything could have been different.

— But women's solidarity forbids me from hitting on your ex.

— You know what? Fuck him. I'll think of something even worse for him. It can be only Tsukishima. — She put her arm around her. — Start dating him, bring him to the spring festival, then break up with him. I'll make you my deputy and when I leave, I'll put you in my place.

— Bet! Bet! Bet! — the girls chanted.

The waiter was already heading towards them to put an end to the suffering of the customers around them.

— Okay, I'll do it! — [Reader] shook Saeko's outstretched hand. — Now it's my turn! Cheers!

Another bottle started a series of toasts against men. There were many declarations, promises and wishes. However, of all of them, only the bet survived in memory undisturbed by a hangover.

***

[Reader] had nothing against most of her professors but Masahiro sensei decided to be an exception. He requested that the essays include photos and information from the museum.

— You have a source of knowledge right under your nose and you are not using it. The Internet won't teach you anything — the girl silently imitated the professor.

She wasn't afraid that anyone would hear her. The huge white exhibition hall was empty. Only school trips arrived at such an early hour. The last group of children passed her uninterested. Even the guide keeping order disappeared somewhere.

[Reader] yawned. She wished she could write her thesis at home. She would wrap herself in a blanket with a cup of tea in her hand and slightly change the content of the sentences she copied. It could be nice.

She took out her phone, took a photo of the pterodactyl skeleton and then looked at her notes one last time. This should be enough to get her started. She felt that she would not be able to avoid returning to the museum next week. There is always something to improve.

She was given this particular essay topic because she didn't go to class. The rest chose what interested them. However, she stayed in the apartment, nursing a hangover. A week has passed since then but the regret remained.

When she left the room, she was quite surprised. Walking towards her was Tsukishima himself, accompanied by a friend. If she wanted to, she could get out of their way unnoticed but such a natural opportunity for a meeting might never come again.

— Hi! — She stopped.

— Hello, [Reader]-san! — replied Yamaguchi, as always beaming.

— Do we know each other? — The blonde looked irritated.

He reminded the girl of a child in a store, waiting for her mother to finish talking. He had this exact expression.

— We have some classes together.

She could barely contain herself from making a sarcastic comment as the freckled boy introduced her. They had been going to university for about half a year. You may not remember people who don't stand out but everyone knew her. Or at least that's what she thought until now...

— Are you also here because of the project? — she asked, showing her notebook with notes.

She wanted to start a conversation to erase the unpleasant impression.

— Yeah, fossils and stuff...— Yamaguchi started talking about his work.

— You're wrong — Tsukishima said in a superior tone. — You've confused stegosaurs and ankylosaurs. — He pointed to the second line in her notes.

— Are you sure? I think I transcribed it correctly.

She felt like gnashing her teeth. Normally she would be grateful for pointing out the mistake but the smirk on the blonde's face made her want to snap back at him instead of thanking him.

— Some kid changed their badges for a joke the day before yesterday and they haven't fixed it yet. — Tsukishima sighed as if it was obvious.

— You must like dinosaurs to notice that — she said half-jokingly.

— You know it! — The shorter boy beamed as if she had said something amazing. — Tsukki loves dinosaurs. I'm sure he could help you a lot with your project.

— It'd be great. — She sensed another opportunity to get closer to her goal.

— Unfortunately, I'm very busy. — The blonde glared at his friend. — We'll get going.

— Sure, see you in class. — The girl headed towards the hall.

— Why did you lie? Yamaguchi asked as she walked away. — You have nothing to do except work for Masahiro.

— I don't feel like helping her.

Yamaguchi sighed loudly. They had been through this several times but his friend was as stubborn as a mule.

— Look, you need to meet some new people. It's not the first semester. How will you find a girlfriend?

— Let me remind you. Girls harass me. One of them wanted notes because she had been on the phone all month instead of attending lectures. I had to run away from the next one because she insisted she wanted me in the science club. And the last one confessed her love to me three times, like in elementary school. I don't need a girlfriend — he concluded in a confident voice.

— Agreed, maybe not, but you need friends. I had a class with [Reader] once and she was really cool. Try to think about what I said. I'm going to some more notes.

— I have the bus soon. — Tsukishima put on his headphones.

He didn't want to admit it but the comment made him think a bit. When he finished Karasuno, he promised himself that he would try to change. Maybe it was the right time to get a little involved in student life.

The opportunity came sooner than he thought.

[Reader] was standing at the bus stop. She looked at the timetable, comparing it with the time on her phone. He stood next to her and decided to do something before the urge left him completely.

He felt that he would regret this decision. However, he knew that his friend wanted his good. He wouldn't leave him alone anyway with this topic.

— If you need help with your project, let me know. Maybe I'll find time this week — he said casually.

— Seriously? I'll come to the hall tomorrow after classes then. Thanks a lot! — she was happy and then jumped into the bus that had just arrived.

***

— How did you know that strawberry is my favourite cake? — Tsukishima asked suspiciously.

He handed [Reader] tea and the rest of the order.

— You've been staring at it from the very beginning. — She laughed.

The girl felt the pleasant warmth from the paper cup spreading through her fingers.

She went to the bakery with Kei. It was bitterly cold outside. Moreover, it started to snow. So they agreed that something hot for the road was a good idea. Neither of them liked winter.

— I don't believe you. — He pointed an accusatory finger at her, taking a sip of fruit tea.

— Okay... Maybe I spotted you once or twice in the university cafe...

The boy usually had no trouble coming up with sarcastic replies on the spot but this time he was stumped. He was glad he was passing someone, otherwise the girl would have seen him choking on his tea.

In Karasuno, he was quite successful with the opposite sex. He hasn't been on many dates though. It often turned out that the candidates imagined him much better than he actually was. Once they found out what he really was like, they quickly ended the relationship. He wasn't looking for romantic relationships either. He focused on studies and volleyball, although the latter came much later and unexpectedly.

— After words like that, I could ask you out on a date — he choked out, regaining his composure.

He watched the reaction out of the corner of his eye.

— And I could accept the invitation — she replied.

Tsukishima focused on the street in front of him, pretending to be very interested in the street lights. He didn't have time to answer because his train had just arrived at the platform and he had to run through the red light to make it on time. [Reader] could barely keep up with him. He wasn't surprised by her. Few people had legs as long as he did. Somewhere during this mad dash, he grabbed her hand, muttering that if they were late, it would be her fault.

— We made it — the girl panted.

At the last moment they jumped into the compartment. They were just validating their tickets when the sound signal signaled departure.

The train was filled to the brim with people. Many Tokyoites were returning home. Winter did not encourage walking.

He struggled to get to the window. All seats were occupied. Like it or not, he contented himself with the handle attached to the ceiling.

The journey passed quickly. The last station appeared much sooner than he would have liked.

— If you start talking about volleyball like you talk about dinosaurs, I'll probably start playing...— The girl's face suddenly changed expression. She turned discreetly, squinting at the person behind her.

He followed her with his eyes. A man, about fifty years old, in a suit and with a briefcase. At first glance, an average passenger. Just an ordinary office worker returning after a shift. Kei, however, understood the point.

— Everything's all right? — Kei asked.

He seemed a little confused. No wonder. Such situations were usually embarrassing for the storytellers. Unfortunately, not everywhere in public transport it was possible to have separate spaces for women.

— Could we switch places? — she whispered, discreetly pointing at the man who had just turned around.

He nodded.

When he felt a hand on his butt, he felt like he would die of embarrassment. He already knew how women felt in crowded subways.

The attacker realized his mistake when he heard Tsukishima's icy voice:

— Be careful where you put your hands in the future, you pervert.

— Next station — Shinjuku. — A mechanical voice announced that it was time to head for the exit.

He let the girl go ahead. However, before he got out, he stepped on the balding guy's foot with all his might. He allowed himself a sadistic smile as he heard the string of cursed words flying towards him.

They left the platform. It was time to go their separate ways.

— Thanks for the help. For the project and for the train situation. — The girl straightened her slipping glove.

— You're welcome.

— Honestly, I thought you were a much bigger asshole before I met you — she admitted sheepishly.

This didn't surprise him. Maybe it hurt a little because somewhere inside he cared about her opinion but he also valued her honesty.

— Just don't be offended. It was once upon a time. From the next meeting this badge disappears completely. She laughed nervously. — If you feel like there will be next time.

— I think I'll see you at the café at this time next week — he said and turned around.

A smile appeared on his face. So he quickly hid his face in his scarf. It was as if he wanted to hide from the world the fact that he was happy. He felt like he was falling into something he didn't understand. A new possibility was calling to him. This time he really wanted to meet the person he was going on a date with. He was no longer passive. He wanted to act and try because he believed it was worth it.

The falling snow no longer seemed as bad to Tsukishima as it did before.

[Reader] took a few steps away, then glanced back. It seemed to her that Tsukishima's step was livelier than before. Blond hair flowed in the frosty air as he put on his headphones. She smiled involuntarily. However, she quickly recollected herself. A job in college council was waiting.

***

Kei passed various stands selling yakiniku, soba and ramen. He made a mental note of where he planned to return later for food. Each part of the festival area was distinguished by a different colour of lanterns. Thanks to this and the handy map, it was easy to find selected attractions.

Tsukishima spotted his girlfriend in a traditional yukata from afar. He liked the theme she chose. Even the hairstyle was unusual.

He wanted to surprise her by emerging from behind one of the booths but she was talking to someone she knew. She looked like an older student. He had no intention of eavesdropping but when he heard his name, he took a few steps closer, intrigued.

— So when are you going to break up with him? The hardest part is already behind you.

— That's what I wanted to talk about…— [Reader] nervously laced her fingers together.

The boy felt a cold sweat break out on him. He had the impression that he had misheard.

— Listen, I knew from the beginning that you would win the bet. — Senpai put her arm around her. — A place in the council is already waiting. As soon as you're done with him, we'll go for a drink and I'll arrange a meeting to get you off to a good start...

Tsukishima emerged from his hiding place. The initial shock was replaced by pain and anger. It all came down to the same thing again. Everyone wanted to use him.

— But I don't want to break up with him! — The girl finally managed to get her words out.

— Think about it some more. And now I think someone wants to talk to you. I will not disturb you. — Up close, Kei recognized Saeko, the college president.

[Reader] quickly turned towards him.

— So a bet, huh? Should I feel honored to be targeted? — he blurted out.

— It's not like that...

— How then? You started dating me to win a bet, am I right?

He desperately clung to the remnants of hope that this was some big misunderstanding and that everything would be clear in a moment.

— Yes but...

— Anything else I should know?

— I know I'm guilty but I have to say it. — Tears gathered in her eyes. — I'm so sorry. I thought you were an asshole. The truth is, I was the idiot for selfishly taking advantage of you. But it was only like that at the beginning, that's why I told Saeko-senpai that I wasn't going to break up with you. I'm asking for one more chance.

— What does that change? Why should I believe you? — Bile rose in his throat.

Every word tasted bitter.

— Because I really fell in love with you — she said, covering her mouth with her hand.

She let out a quiet sob.

Several people turned their heads towards them. They looked at him with strange expressions, although no one said anything.

This was not how he had imagined this confession. They had been dating for a while but neither of them could bring themselves to say those important words. And now she threw them. He really wanted to hear them, even though he was afraid of them. But now they paled in the face of the lie that stung him to the core.

The girl waited for any reaction from him. The seconds seemed to stretch. She felt deaf, even though she should have been able to hear the sounds of the festival. Tears blinded her, blurring her vision. Even the spring wind that froze her no longer mattered. A feeling of guilt, previously pushed to the margins, settled inside.

Kei turned and left.

Just like that, without any words, he disappeared into the crowd of people.

***

Tsukishima didn't want to admit to himself why he ran out of his apartment at two in the morning. It was raining heavily. His favorite sweatshirt was soaked. The lenses of his glasses fogged up. It was dark. In addition, buses in this area did not run at such late hours.

Yet he was heading to a well-known block of flats. He made it three blocks, a traffic light, and an intersection. Right, left, then two skyscrapers. Raindrops hit the leaves of the trees. Water flowed down the crooked sidewalk. He felt water in his socks. Sneakers were the first shoes he got his hands on when he went out. Not the best for this weather.

He entered the code for the staircase. He didn't get into the elevator. He jumped several stairs at a time. Volleyball toughened him up for running. The rapid pulse and ringing in his ears showed that he was nervous. He felt as if the door had opened up in front of him too quickly. He hesitated. The hand stopped halfway to the bell.

A quiet voice told him to leave it alone. After all, they haven't seen each other for a week. His departure was a clear signal, why would he undo it? Yet he couldn't ride the subway, pass a café, or go to class without thinking about her. He cared like never before.

The door opened.

He stopped dead in his tracks, dripping with water.

She looked him straight in the eye as if she understood what he felt. They couldn't be far from each other. The lie tasted sick and nasty but not as bad as the distance between them.

He took a breath.

— Lets try again. — He leaned forward in a bow. — Tsukishima Kei, we're in the same major. I like dinosaurs, volleyball and strawberry cake. Sometimes I run in the rain at 2 a.m. across the city to go on a date.

— [Reader]. — She responded with the same bow. — I did something stupid recently and I'm going to fix it. I heard they sell a nice cake at the 24-hour shop around the corner. There will probably be some tea, too. — She smiled.

He knew that Kei from Karasuno High would never forgive a lie but he wasn't that person anymore.

There have always been second chances in volleyball. Correction of errors, posture and position. As long as the ball was in the game, anything could happen. The match lasted as long as the players cared about the goal. Others patted him on the back more than once if the block failed.

[Reader] seemed better to him than the national competition. She made him feel things he never knew existed. She was worth the risk. So he did what volleyball players do. He got up to play another set, regardless of defeat.

— Sounds like a good start to a relationship. — He smiled.

It wasn't a sarcastic smile. He didn't hide it under a scarf either.

The girl closed the door. She grabbed his hand and they walked into the night.

To get to know each other again.

#kei tsukishima x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#oneshot x reader #yamaguchi tadashi #strawberry #running in rain #dinosaurs

17 notes · View notes

gyeomsweetgyeom · 1 year

Text

[5:48 pm]

(part 2 to this)

(cw: very brief and vague conversation of mental health, alcohol use mentioned)

taglist: @kimxbae @naektthnoo @heyitsconysstuff @niinjo @naram99 @wonuziex @girlwithimaginarybiaslist @babeijustneedyou

Today was the first day Mark hadn't called or texted you since you broke up a month ago. He left voicemails, sent texts, and direct messages, even when you removed him from social media and had one of your mutual friends ask him to stop contacting you. At first it was the typical messages that he would send when he actually had time for you, good morning, have an awesome day, today I totally aced my biology exam! Then the messages turned to almost completely illegible messages on nights when he drank or message after message of apologies and begging you to forgive him. You never answered the messages or listened to any voicemails.

More than anything it hurt you how much effort he decided to put toward a relationship that was now done compared to the end of your relationship.

Today was the first day you were going out and feeling weightless, no sadness from the breakup- you felt good. Maybe that was because the semester was over and you were going home or because you didn't have any notifications from Mark, you didn't know and you really didn't care.

You were busy unpacking your bags, when you heard a knock on your bedroom door, "You have a visitor, hun."

You were confused as you made your way to the front door, you hadn't made any plans with your friends for today. Did you get the date wrong?

You were completely wrong, it was Mark. Luckily, he couldn't see you turn away from the door and head back to your room. Well, almost go to your room, you bumped into your mom, "You should talk to him, honey."

"I'm not ready to," you shook your head.

"Then maybe just hear him out, get some closure. I don't like seeing you sad," she suggested with a small smile.

You huffed, with a childish stomp of you foot. There was no telling this lady no. You pulled the door open and stepped outside, avoiding all contact with Mark who was staring at you with a stupid, surprised look on his face.

"I uh- wasn't sure if you'd be coming home. You never answered any of my texts or calls," he mumbled.

"Yeah and I didn't read or listen to anything you sent either, did you need something? I can have my mom drop off the stuff that might be here later," you replied.

"No I uh, I brought you these," he held out a bouquet of flowers, your favorites. You hated how your heart skipped a beat.

"Thanks," you answered briefly.

"I wanted also apologize, for uh, the well, you know."

You had to hold back your scoff, "Yeah Mark, every time I saw you sent me anything I was reminded of you dumping me for your frat bros."

"I didn't dump you..."

You huffed, taking a seat on the bench your parents have had on the porch since before you could remember. The bench where you told Mark about your crush at 15 and where you both shared your first kiss on your 16th birthday. How times had changed. "What would you call it then, Mark?"

He chuckled breathily, "It's weird hearing you call me Mark."

"Yeah, well would you call you ex baby or babe?"

"I don't have any other exes." He answered quietly.

The air was tense between the two of you. He sat at the opposite end of the bench, staring out at the street. "I'm really sorry, I promised you when we were 18 that I would never hurt you, and I broke your heart. I guess I broke my own heart too, I never wanted to hurt you the way I did.”

You laughed sarcastically, “What was the response you expected Mark? You pulled away from me for weeks and then show up telling me some other people I’ve never met are telling you to break up with me and you followed through! You have a mind of your own and you can make your own decisions, but you still listened to them!”

“Baby, I wasn’t thinking- ”

“Don’t- Mark,” you interrupted.

“I’m sorry. I really do mean it, I never wanted to hurt you but I did. I miss you, I miss hearing your laugh, seeing you everyday, talking to you everyday, and I miss being around you. Not even as your boyfriend but as your friend. I can never make up for the hurt I caused you, but I want to try again- if you’ll let me- of course.”

“I can’t do that Mark, you’re not the person I knew. You’re so different now, you have new priorities and I don’t want to go through being pushed aside again, even as friends.”

You could hear him clear his throat, “I don’t want to go back the old us, we’ve both grown and matured and we can do better than teenage us. If this was me before I wouldn’t have made any changes and continuously begged for you to take me back, but I want to better for you. I uh, I left the frat. You’re right, I don’t need a bunch of guys only a few years older than me telling me what to do. On top of that, my brother hated me calling them my brothers,” you laughed at that, “I also found someone on campus to help me deal with my stress. I know you said you could have helped me, but that shouldn't be your responsibility or really anybody's but my own."

"Good for you Mark, I'm proud of you," you nodded, you did mean it. You knew how hard it was for Mark to be away from home, away from his family, it wasn't easy for him to just do the work and not get the grades he was used to. It was a huge change for him.

"So while I'm not the person I want to be for you, I don't like me without you. I'd really like if you could give me another chance as your friend, and maybe one day when we're both ready we can give us another shot. If you want to of course."

"I can't forgive you and take you back like nothing happened, Mark. I don't even know if I still trust you," You sighed, running your hands over your face.

"I'll do everything I can to rebuild that trust. We'll take it slow, baby steps. If I mess up even one time, I'll leave and stay away from you forever," Mark ended softly.

"Being away from you for just a month has been awful, I'm giving you one more chance Mark, because I don't think my heart can handle you stomping all over it again," you lightly joked.

Mark hesitantly put his arm around your shoulders and pulled you in close, he pressed his lips to the crown of your head, "I wouldn't ever dream of it."

Things were going to be just fine.

#kpop imagines #kpop au #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #nct #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct timestamps #nct x reader #nct dream #nct dream imagines #nct dream fluff #mark lee imagines #mark lee scenarios #mark lee fluff #mark lee au #mark lee timestamps

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starsstuddedsky · 2 years

Text

Please Know My Feeling

reader x joshua

summary: bitter about your ex boyfriend moving on so quickly, you decide to ask your friend to be your fake boyfriend to prove that you could move on just as easily. but what happens when you can't tell the difference between what's fake and what's real?

genre: fluff, tiny bit of angst, university au, sports au, non idol au, fake dating

warnings: yn is the most oblivious person on the planet, mentions of injury, drinking, did i mention yn is an idiot?

wc: 12.1k

a/n: should i be doing hw instead of writing this series? dw about it and just read this.. thanks for all of the love so far, i really enjoyed writing this one (as you can tell from the fact that it's way too long). if ur a soccer player please forgive me. i tried. don't pay attention too much to the fact that twice are the teammates i just didn't want to make up names

title: Please Know My Feeling - Lee Solomon

masterlist

I saw Joshua across the quad. It was a terrible decision, really, but I was tired of thinking things through. It was why I was in this situation in the first place.

“Joshua!” I shouted, waving him down. He was walking with a couple people but waved them on.

“Yn,” he said with a smile.

“Hi,” I said, opening my arms to him and saying a silent prayer of thanks when he hugged me back without question.

“What’s going on?” He asked as I held on.

“Please tell me you’re single,” I said, peeking over his shoulder to see if anyone was looking.

“Yeah,” he said slowly. He took a step back, hands coming to rest under my elbows, brow furrowed. “Is everything okay?”

I chewed on my lip, wondering if I should just apologize and tell him it was just a dumb idea.

Then I saw them out of the corner of my eye, hands intertwined, laughing. I met Joshua’s eyes with renewed strength. “Can you be my boyfriend?”

Joshua’s frown deepened. “Yn, you just broke up.”

“Fake boyfriend, I mean,” I said. “Please?”

He stared at me for a long time, and I realized how insane I sounded. Joshua was hardly a stranger, in fact, he was one of the first friends I’d made. But asking him to be my fake boyfriend just because my ex had moved on after taking all of two days to process our breakup? Not something particularly mentally stable people did.

��I’m sorry,” I said. “That was really dumb, a really bad joke, I-”

“I’ll do it,” Joshua interrupted. I froze as he flashed a smile at me and picked up my hand. “I’ll be your fake boyfriend.” I must have looked as astonished as I felt because he laughed.

“Seriously? No ‘tell me why and I’ll think about it,’ or ‘pay me $2000 a month’ or any questions at all?”

He shrugged. “I know you, yn, you wouldn’t do this without good reason.”

I felt guilty immediately. Joshua trusted me so quickly and I was using it because my feelings were hurt. As if he was reading my thoughts, he squeezed my hand.

“I did think about it,” he said. “It’s not like it’s going to do anything bad to me. Actually, it’ll be great because Seungcheol and Jeonghan will probably stop making fun of me for not getting a date since freshman year.” He started walking, not letting go of my hand.

“You’re not going to tell them the truth?” I frowned.

“Yeah, but I’m going to take full advantage of having a fake partner first.” He smiled, an evil twinkle in his eye. “They talk a lot considering they’re both single.” We kept walking, hand in hand. It was strange at first; I kept expecting to see him but then he would bump my shoulder or tap his fingers and do something to remind me he was Joshua. Everything in my head was a mess, I couldn’t tell if it hurt more that it wasn’t him or that I didn’t want it to be him. All I knew was that holding Joshua’s hand was a comfort I didn’t expect but clung to.

We were walking in silence when he suddenly stopped, frowning at something in the distance for a moment before turning to me. “That’s why?”

I didn’t have to look to see what he saw. My ex-boyfriend, Nam-Il, hand in hand with his new partner. He at least had the decency to text me this morning and tell me he was dating someone else, but the fact that it was two days after we had broken up made it feel more like an insult than courtesy. Apparently two years with me was that easy to move on from. I thought knowing would make it easier, but seeing them on the quad a few minutes ago would have hurt less if I could have pretended they were just friends.

Now Joshua was looking at me with a frown I couldn’t decipher. He didn’t let go of my hand but his grip was looser as he stepped in front of me, blocking my view of the couple.

I could feel tears prickling my eyes, chewing on my lip to stop them from spilling over. Joshua took a step closer pulling my chin up gently.

“Is he looking?” He whispered softly, eyes not leaving mine.

I had to force my eyes to flicker away, though I found myself drawn back to them like a magnet, snapping back the moment I saw that he was in fact looking. I nodded, not trusting my voice.

“Can I kiss you?” I blinked, not sure if I had hallucinated or if he had really said that out loud. I didn’t move when he stepped closer, his lips so close I could feel his breath. He repeated the question.

I nodded, our noses brushing against one another. For a moment, neither of us moved, then he leaned forwards and closed the distance. I think he meant to just brush his lips against mine, but when I raised my hand to his neck and pulled him closer, he reacted instantly, and then I stopped thinking entirely. For just a moment, I forgot about Nam-Il.

I stepped back, swallowing hard before opening my eyes. Joshua was glancing behind him. When he turned back to face me he wore a satisfied smile.

“I think it worked,” he said. “He looked sufficiently stunned.”

My brain finally caught up, finally processing what had just happened. Joshua had kissed me. It wasn’t a bad kiss. And when I peaked over Joshua’s shoulder, I caught a glimpse of Nam-Il‘s frown. I grinned at Joshua.

He slipped his hand back into mine and we kept walking. I thought about peeking at Nam-Il and his new date but decided I had enough satisfaction for the day. I settled for the feeling of Joshua’s hand in mine, grounding me in the strange new reality I had created.

“You want to get lunch together?” Joshua asked.

“I can’t,” I said. “I’m meeting with a couple of my teammates to watch tape at noon.”

Joshua checked the time on his phone. “You do know that’s in five minutes, right?”

“Shit,” I said. Seeing Nam-Il had made my mind go blank for a moment, the pain too much. “I have to go.”

He squeezed my hand before letting it go.

“We’ll talk later!” I shouted as I jogged away, taking one last look at my new fake boyfriend. It wasn’t until I was inside that I realized I was smiling.

If I was being honest, my relationship with Nam-Il had been over for months. Even though he had been the one to say the words first, it was only a matter of time. I couldn’t really blame him for moving on quickly when our relationship had been over a long time ago. I just wished I knew if I was upset because I hadn’t moved on or because he didn’t even pretend to be upset over the end of our relationship.

“Yn,” Chaeyoung, my teammate, whispered in my ear. “Your boyfriend is waving at you.” I blinked back into reality to focus on Joshua across the field, standing behind the benches. I gave a small wave, feeling guilty that he’d probably been waving like an idiot while I was busy daydreaming about my ex boyfriend.

My teammates had been surprisingly understanding about dating Joshua. I was fully prepared to tell them the truth, but they weren’t surprised, and were even happy for me when I told them I was dating him. I supposed the athletics teams were pretty close, and I knew that a lot of my teammates had started to think Nam-Il was a crappy boyfriend at the end of our relationship, especially when he stopped coming to our matches. I couldn’t really blame them for that.

I only told my best friend (and roommate), Momo, the truth. She sat on my other side, scrolling through her phone as she had for the entire match.

“You know it’s more interesting if you actually watch the game,” I said.

She shrugged. “Since when do I care about soccer?” I had been lucky to get her to come to the match after practice, only convincing her because I wanted her to judge whether Joshua and I actually looked like a couple. The problem was that half the team overheard that we were going and invited themselves, and now they were sitting in the bleachers with me, teasing me for my boyfriend being so sweet.

“Besides, you’re just here for your boyfriend,” she said. “It’s not like you came to their matches before.”

“I am friends with the rest of the team!” I said.

“Knowing their names doesn’t mean you’re friends,” Chaeyoung said. “Coming from someone that’s actually friends with some of them.”

I glared at her. “Aren’t you supposed to have respect for your upperclassmen?”

“I do respect you,” she said, putting her hand on my shoulder. “That’s why I’m making sure no one misunderstands you.”

“You’re so full of it,” I said, but I was smiling. I peeked across the field again and found Joshua. He was chatting with Seungcheol and Jeonghan, his best friends. They’d played together for all of college, but I had just found out that Jeonghan and Joshua had played their very first season of soccer together, when they were just six. The thought of tiny Joshua running around chasing a ball was adorable.

He had to have some sixth sense for people staring at him, because it wasn’t long before he turned to me, smiling and waving again. Seungcheol smacked his shoulder, probably pretending to be mad at him for not paying attention.

It was halftime, the score was tied 1-1. I slid closer to Momo as the night air got chillier. It wouldn’t have been too bad, except we had come straight from practice, and the sweat had set a chill deep down that I couldn’t quite shake off. Unlike a lot of my teammates, I hadn’t thought to bring a sweater.

I couldn’t deny my pride at dating a member of the thus far undefeated soccer team, even if it was fake. I couldn’t deny my jealousy, our three losses unforgettable, but I still bragged about him as soon as I realized my teammates didn’t care that I had just broken up with Nam-Il.

It made tensions in the stands that much higher as the second half continued and the score remained tied. Even Momo looked up a couple times as the other team came close to scoring, Jihoon, our goalie, making a couple incredible saves. The freshman forward, Chan, made a couple good plays, getting through their defense, but even the so-called prodigy wasn’t good enough to get a goal in. I winced as it got more aggressive, plenty of arguable fouls on both sides.

Volleyball was my expertise, but I could follow the rules of soccer, which is how I knew Minghao, another of our forwards, was definitely not off-sides when the referee blew the whistle. The entire crowd booed as the ball went to the other team, destroying the chance that Minghao had created to score.

The other team moved viciously down the field, recklessly pushing through our defense despite our best efforts. Seungcheol made a move for the ball but the player kicked it across to his teammate. There were 30 seconds left in the match, the crowd chanting defense, defense, defense, as the other team drove closer and closer to our goal. I held my breath as they took a shot, but another of our defenders, Seungkwan, got there just in time. However, when he kicked the ball back towards our team, one of the other players intercepted it.

He maneuvered back to avoid our defense, kicked it to another teammate just before Joshua got to him. At 20 seconds, they were in position to take another shot, our defense scrambling. Seungcheol made one last desperate player but it wasn’t enough. It felt like time froze as the ball soared through the air, aiming for the top corner of the goal. Jihoon dove as high as he could but it still wasn’t enough, and the ball went in.

The crowd groaned, Jihoon picking himself off the ground and glaring at the ball. The other team were quick to cut off their celebrations, ready to completely sign in their victory, and the end of the winning streak.

For their part, our team didn’t quite give up. I was proud of how they tried to get the ball down as quickly as possible, Chan even getting a shot on goal off, though it was wild and never stood a chance at actually scoring. The crowd chanted, three, two, one! and it was over.

They had lost their undefeated winning streak.

Many of the team looked sad, heads hanging low, walking slowly to their bench as the other team whooped and jumped on each other. A loss would weigh heavy on all of them, even if they still had an unprecedented season with their stats.

I waved as most of the team left, rather disappointed that the first time they saw Joshua as my official boyfriend ended so poorly.

“Maybe you’re bad luck,” Momo whispered in my ear. I rolled my eyes at her smile, following her out of the bleachers.

“Are you saying the reason they lost is because I’m fake-” I paused, glancing around us and lowering my voice. “Because I’m ‘dating’ Joshua?”

“I would never say that!” She said, “I implied it.”

“Oh, well that’s much better then.” I stopped at the fence line. “I’ll see you at the apartment, I’m going to chat with my friends and make sure they aren’t too upset by this.”

Momo shook her head. “I think you just want to hug your boyfriend.”

I rolled my eyes at her again, almost regretting telling her the truth. “Drive safe! I’ll see you later!”

They took longer in the post-game meeting than I anticipated. The crowd was gone by the time the boys finally started making their way across the field, only a few parents and friends hanging around to see a player. Having stood for so long, I was cold again, wishing I had just gone home with Momo.

Joshua walked over with Seungcheol and Jeonghan, chatting with them but glancing at me every few seconds like he thought I was going to vanish. As soon as they reached me, Joshua stopped, the other two boys continuing down the path. He took one look at my shivering and wrapped his arms around me in a hug.

“Sorry I’m a little sweaty,” he whispered in my ear. “Is this okay?”

“‘S okay,” I said, grateful for any warmth. “I probably don’t smell the best either, I came straight from practice. How are you feeling?”

I could feel him shrug. “I mean, I’m not happy, but it’s whatever. It was cool to get this far and it sucks the winning streak is over but we can’t win them all. As long as we win during playoffs, the season doesn’t matter to me.”

“Really? You’d be okay if you lost every single game for the rest of the season?”

“Okay, fine, as long as we are still first in the region,” he said. “Hey, you want to come to dinner with us? I can guilt Seungcheol into paying.”

I smiled into his shoulder. “Free food? My answer is always yes.” He laughed, pulling away but keeping a warm arm over my shoulders and pulled close to his chest. I kept my arm around his waist. It was strange how natural it felt to be intimate with him. When I had first started dating Nam-Il, I had taken forever to feel comfortable holding his hand. It must be because it wasn’t real.

“Hey, yn is coming with us!” Joshua shouted to Seungcheol and Jeonghan. They slowed down until we caught up with them. Seungcheol apparently didn’t have Joshua’s approach to the loss, still ranting.

“All I’m saying is that if they didn’t make that horrible call on Minghao, we would have at least had a chance,” he said.

Joshua shrugged. “It’s over, man. It’s not like it’s playoffs.”

“I don’t like it.”

“Okay, you’re being dramatic,” I said. “It’s one loss and it wasn’t even a blow out. Did you guys win, like, eight nothing last week?”

“Yeah, stop insulting the fact that the volleyball team has three losses,” Jeonghan said.

I frowned at him. “I don’t like your support.”

“No one ever does.�� Jeonghan sighed overdramatically.

“That’s because your version of support is rarely actual support,” Joshua said. “You literally just insulted yn.”

“Insult is harsh. It was the truth,” he said.

“I think we’re getting distracted from the fact that we actually lost,” Seungcheol said.

Joshua rolled his eyes. “One or three, it doesn’t really matter, all that matters-”

“Is the end of the season,” Seungcheol finished. “So you’ve said. You’re starting to sound like Coach.”

“Never say that again,” Joshua said.

“It’s a compliment!” Jeonghan said. We reached the parking lot. Joshua tossed his bag into the trunk of a car, then dug around the back seat, emerging with a sweatshirt.

“I’m at least 70% sure this is mine,” he said, passing it to me. “But if it smells, it’s definitely Seungcheol’s.” I laughed, pulling it over my head, deciding it smelled distinctly like Joshua.

“Hey!” He held up the keys. “This is still my car, I can leave you whenever I want!”

“You can try,” Joshua said, sliding back into the backseat. I followed him as Seungcheol slammed the driver's door shut and Jeonghan sat in the front seat. He turned around immediately, staring at me and Joshua in the back. We had left the middle seat open, Joshua behind Seungcheol and me behind Jeonghan. He glared at that empty seat, as if we were supposed to be sitting in each other's laps.

“You’re being weird,” Joshua said without looking up from his phone. Jeonghan turned back with a sigh, strapping his seatbelt on as Seungcheol began to drive.

“So, Joshua refuses to tell us how you started dating,” Seungcheol said. I glanced at Joshua who had dropped his phone, eyes wide.

“That’s because it’s not your business,” he said quickly.

“Yeah, I don’t really care,” Seungcheol said. “Also yn had a different boyfriend a week ago, and yes, we all know he sucks, but you are my best friend- you are also my best friend don’t be annoying, Jeonghan- anyways, I’m going to make sure that your relationship is, like, healthy or whatever.”

“That’s very kind of you, dad,” Joshua said. “But I can make my own decisions.”

“Not when yn is involved,” Jeonghan muttered. I felt like an intruder in the conversation, but I couldn’t exactly leave without jumping out of a moving car.

“Joshua, we’re just asking how you started dating,” Seungcheol said. “Most people love talking about that.”

“It’s fine,” I said before Joshua could argue back. He turned to me and I could tell he just didn’t want me to get into trouble. Well, it was my fault his friends were interrogating him, the least I could do was help him out. “Yeah, technically I only broke up with Nam-Il last week-”

“I heard you got dumped,” Jeonghan said.

I glared at the back of his seat. “It doesn’t particularly matter because we hadn’t really been together in months. Honestly, it was just like waiting for the right thing to break up with him over and he beat me to it.”

It felt good to say out loud, grounding myself in reality. It wasn’t me, it wasn’t him, it was both of us. I smiled at Joshua. “I just realized I had feelings for someone else, and told him. Is that a crime?”

“That’s the story you’re going to stick with?” He asked.

“It’s the truth,” I said. More or less, I added in my head.

“It has nothing to do with Nam-Il dating someone new?” Jeonghan asked.

I was quiet for just a second too long.

“Can you guys please stop interrogating them?” Joshua asked. “I told you, we are fine.” He took my hand and squeezed it. I couldn’t tell if he was doing it to prove to them we were a normal couple or to comfort me. I figured it had to be the first one even though they probably couldn’t see our hands.

“Answer the question,” Jeonghan said, turning to face us. The car stopped at a light, and we were bathed in red.

“I mean I wasn’t a fan of him moving on so quickly,” I said slowly. “But I like Joshua.” I glanced at him, black hair messy from the game, soft smile reaching his eyes and turning them into little crescents, hand still in mine, and it almost wasn’t a lie.

Jeonghan turned back around as the light turned green, apparently satisfied.

“Okay, now that that’s all cleared up, I think you guys owe us dinner!” Joshua said. “Right, yn?”

“Um…”

“Perfect, we all agree!” He said.

“I already said I was going to pay,” Seungcheol grumbled.

“You’ll just have to owe us extra then!”

The rest of the car ride was quiet. Joshua would show me a meme every once in a while and Seungcheol started talking about the game again, more to himself than anyone else.

“Just let it go,” Jeonghan said. “We have a tournament this weekend and if you’re still obsessed with this we’ll lose those too.”

I turned to Joshua. “Our first weekend as a couple and you’re leaving me?”

He glanced at me and smiled at my fake pout, reaching out and patting my head. “Don’t you have a tournament this weekend too?”

“That’s not the point!” I said.

“You two are kind of gross,” Seungcheol said. He pulled into the parking lot of a diner. It was nearly 10, so the diner was pretty much empty.

Apparently they came here at least once a week, the staff recognizing them as we sat down without waiting for a host.

“This is the only diner open after games that actually has good food,” Joshua whispered in my ear. “It’s a heavily kept secret among the soccer team, we only tell the freshmen at the end of the season. There’s actually a full ritual to swear you into secrecy or you aren’t allowed to leave.”

I knew he was joking, but his eyes were so serious that I played along. I kissed him on the cheek. “Consider that my declaration of secrecy.” He pressed his fingers to his cheek for a moment, glancing at me with distinct surprise. Joshua followed my gaze to Seungcheol and Jeonghan, who were studying the menu pretty intensely for people that were regulars. I winked at Joshua.

“Okay, but how do you guys keep this place a secret?” I asked louder.

Seungcheol peeked up, seeming to sigh in relief when he saw that there was some space between us. “It’s listed online as closed at 9pm and they made a deal with the wait staff years ago to keep it that way.”

“That’s incredibly suspicious,” I said. “I love it.”

“What do you want?” Joshua asked me.

I shrugged. “You can just order for me, I would hope after three years you know what’s good on the menu.”

A few minutes later, the food appeared, despite the fact that Joshua had only just gone up to order my food. The waiter set down three players of food, apologizing saying my meal would be out in a minute. Apparently they were so regular the staff knew to put in their order the second they walked in.

I didn’t think I was too hungry, but the food smelled so good my stomach started grumbling. I didn’t think it was noticeable, but Joshua slid his plate in front me.

“I ordered the same thing, anyways,” he said when I frowned at him.

“You just played a game, you should eat.”

“You just had practice, you should eat.”

I stared him down but he stared right back.

“Can one of you just eat so this isn’t weird anymore,” Jeonghan said. I looked and saw both he and Seungcheol were hovering over their food, watching us.

“Go ahead,” Joshua said, folding his arms.

I frowned at him until I had an idea. I pulled the plate closer to me, sticking the fork and loading a good amount of food onto it. I turned to Joshua, holding the fork to his face.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Getting you to eat!” I heard Seungcheol snort trying to hold back his laugh. “Open up!”

Joshua glanced at his friends, for the first time looking embarrassed. He did this to himself. Finally, he opened his mouth, letting me stick the food into his mouth. I could feel his glare as I turned back to the plate, satisfied I had been successful, digging into the food. Not long after, the other plate was delivered and we were too absorbed in eating to talk.

I understood why the boys had kept this place such a well hidden secret. The food was so good I couldn’t imagine having the secret for so many years. I grinned at Joshua, realizing just how good my choice in fake boyfriends had been.

It wasn’t like I had many options. I had plenty of friends, most of them in athletics. But Joshua was the only one that I trusted enough to be not only the person that I was publicly with, but also the person that I could actually talk to about my life. He was my fake boyfriend, but he was also my friend.

The rest of dinner was uneventful, the most excitement coming from Seungcheol grimacing when the waiter asked about the match. We were just about ready to go when Joshua went to the bathroom. I was left sitting across from Seungcheol and Jeonghan, both of whom had expressions I couldn’t decipher.

“So,” Jeonghan said as soon as Joshua was out of earshot. “You told Joshua how you felt first?”

“Yes,” I said slowly. “Are we really back on this?”

Seungcheol glanced behind them, checking to see that Joshua really was gone. As soon as the bathroom door was shut, he leaned over the table. “Thank god, do you know how exhausting it was to listen to him pine for the past two years? Seriously, he pretended like he wasn’t, but it was so obvious.”

“Yn, do you understand how painful these past two years have been?” Jeonghan asked. “This idiot has made our life hell because of you. I cannot count how many times I woke up to his 2 am depression spam of debating whether he should tell you how he felt or not. Actually, I’m pretty sure he did it, like, last week.”

“I am begging you, please, for our sanity, never break up with him,” Seungcheol said. “He’s an idiot but he genuinely cares about you, and I can’t bear to put up with him pretending like he isn’t pining after you literally every day.”

They were so serious I almost believed them. I opened my mouth to tell them to stop teasing, but then I saw Joshua emerge from the bathroom. It was all I could do to smile back as he walked over, clearly expecting everyone to be ready to go.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan stood up, all signs of desperation completely gone, leaving me to follow them quietly to the car. Joshua noticed something was wrong immediately, squeezing my hand and not letting go even when we got into the car. The car ride was filled with Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s banter, Joshua piping in a couple of times but mostly worrying over me as I replayed Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s words in my head.

When we reached my apartment, he followed me out of the car, telling the guys that he would walk me to my door.

“What happened?” He asked as soon as the car door was shut.

“You need to tell them the truth,” I said as we walked towards the building.

“What?”

“They just tried to tell me that you’ve been in love with me for the past two years, and they were really good at it, like, I seriously almost believed them, but clearly they aren’t believing us, so you should just tell them the truth so they don’t get any more upset and do something even more insane.”

Joshua was quiet a moment. “They really said that?”

I rolled my eyes. “They begged me not to break up with you.”

“They must have thought they were hilarious,” Joshua said. He sounded like he was still processing it. I was still processing it, not quite sure what his two best friends were trying to do. He was quiet the entire elevator ride up. I don’t know when, but I realized we had stopped holding hands.

He still walked me to my door. “I’ll tell them the truth as soon as I go back,” he said. “I… I’m sorry they did that to you.”

I stood next to him for a moment, trying to think of what I should say. He avoided my eyes, staring at the floor, and I felt like I should comfort him, tell him… something. But in the end there was nothing to say, and the last I saw of him was his sad back retreating down the hall.

“Dropping out is a mistake, right?”

“Yn, you’re on an athletic scholarship,” Joshua said. “You can’t drop out.”

I rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling of the apartment. I wondered why so many ceilings were textured. I could feel my hands running over the surface, the ridges digging into my hands. Did my apartment have ceilings like this?

“Okay, but what if I don’t graduate?”

“Your grades are fine, you just showed them to me.” I wondered how Joshua could be so focused, as I continued to pester him with questions. I turned to my side to study him, laying on his stomach and switching between reading a textbook and scribbling color coded notes.

I first met Joshua during our freshman year when we had a class together. Technically I’d seen him around campus before, both of us participating in summer training for our respective sports, but we weren’t formally introduced until that day in class. We bonded over missing classes because of games and scrambling to keep up with our insane schedules as freshmen. I was amazed then as I was now at how perfect his notes were.

I knew his secret: his notes might be organized, but his thoughts rarely were. Having peer edited his papers, I felt like I knew exactly what sort of student Joshua was, which was why I should have been incredibly annoying to him right now, when we were supposed to be studying and I was, instead, doing everything in my power to distract him.

“Don’t you think you should support me? I mean, I am fake dating you,” I said. It was nice to be somewhere that I could say it out loud. It had been over a week since Joshua had told Seungcheol and Jeonghan, who had taken it surprisingly well. Though I wasn’t sure they weren’t stink eyeing me behind my back, they at least let me come over for fake dates, which was what today was supposed to be except Joshua had a quiz he needed to study for.

I was supposed to be studying as well but I had no motivation to do so, especially when teasing Joshua was so much easier.

“Don’t you think you should support me?” He asked, finally turning to face me. “I mean, your fake boyfriend is going to be put on academic probation if he fails this quiz.”

“You have not failed a quiz in your life,” I said.

“Yeah, because I study,” he said, but he closed the textbook anyways. “Clearly that’s not going to happen with you around.”

I sat up and beamed at him. “See isn’t this so much better!”

He shook his head, but I could still see him smile. “Wait here,” he said, placing a gentle hand on my arm. He stood up, disappearing into his room for a moment before sitting down in front of me and setting down a little box.

“I was going to give this to you later, but since you’re so determined to get attention, here.” He opened the box. Nestled inside were two little beaded bracelets, clearly handmade. They were almost identical, alternating shades of blue with a little heart charm in the middle. The only difference between them was the letters next to the heart. One had HJ, and the other my own initials.

“I know it’s cheesy, but I thought couples bracelets could be proof,” Joshua said. “Like, if anyone doesn’t believe us, you could just point to it and be like ‘see, we both have them.’”

I picked them up, caressing them between my fingers. “Did you make these?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, it started as a joke with my high school teammates but somehow we all ended up with them for our backpacks, and- are you okay?”

I had been fighting the tears that had forced their way to my eyes but him asking sent me over the edge. The traitorous tears pushed down my cheeks, out of my control. Joshua was hesitant at first, but wrapped his arms around me entirely when I pulled on his sleeve, bracelets curled in my fingers. I buried my face in his shoulder, more embarrassed that I was crying over bracelets than actually sobbing. His gentle hands rubbing my back only made it harder to stop the tears.

I had promised myself that I wouldn’t compare Joshua to Nam-Il the day after we started fake dating. It wasn’t fair to Joshua, since he wasn’t actually my boyfriend, and I wanted to move on from Nam-Il, not hold on to everything that he was and expect it from my next relationship. Joshua made that impossible, by being the sweetest, best boyfriend he could, even if it was fake.

He was nothing but sweet and kind, and I was using him to… what? Piss off my ex? Show him that I didn’t care about him anymore? It wasn’t fair to Joshua, who deserved someone that genuinely cared about him.

“If they were that ugly, you could have just told me,” he whispered in my ear when I finally stopped crying.

How could he make me laugh so easily?

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he said, “But I’m here if you do.” I realized I was still wrapped in his embrace. The selfish part of me wanted to stay there where it was safe and I could hide, but I gathered up my courage and pushed myself out of his arms.

“I just keep realizing that Nam-Il was pretty much a waste of the past two years,” I said. “Like, I invested so much time and energy into the relationship, and I realized he never once made something for me. Like, he’d buy gifts and everything, but I don’t think he ever really thought about doing something like this.”

After a pause, I added, “Not that I’m comparing you two. I mean, this is a fake relationship. But the fact that you are a better fake boyfriend than he was a real boyfriend just makes me question everything about how I spent the last two years. He said I overthink things, and I think he was right because I can’t help but think that I ruined it, that I spent too much of our relationship thinking and not enough doing, or telling him how I felt instead of worrying that his feelings might be hurt, or he might not understand.

“And I feel horrible because you deserve to real date someone, someone that isn’t a mess and isn’t…” Me.

I felt brave enough to meet his eyes. He was staring at me with a little frown. “Yn, are you still upset that your ex started dating someone so soon after you broke up?”

“No, I realized today that I’m not mad at him anymore, just myself.”

“Yn do you want to fake breakup?” His expression was unreadable.

“It’s what you deserve.”

“But do you want to fake breakup?”

I chewed on my lip. I knew the answer, but that wasn’t enough, I had to have a reason why. Why didn’t I want to break up with him? It wouldn’t change anything, we were still friends. But the thought of breaking up, even though it was fake, was scarier than my actual breakup with Nam-Il.

I shook my head.

“Then we don’t fake breakup,” he said, pulling the bracelets out of my hand and sliding the one with my initials onto his wrist. He held up the other one for me.

“That’s not fair to you,” I mumbled.

“How about I decide that, and you decide what’s best for you? Because right now, I think those are the same thing.” He gently picked up my hand, setting the bracelet in it. “I won’t make you wear it if you don’t want to. And if you really do want to fake breakup then that’s fine. But, yn.” He squeezed my hand. “You deserve someone who loves all of you and loves everything that you are and never lets you forget it, okay? I know you aren’t ready for a relationship yet, but when you are, don’t ever forget that.”

He was looking at me with such an intense gaze, I could feel my heart beating in my throat, and wondered if just maybe that person might one day be him.

Joshua hadn’t kissed me since the first day. It had been four weeks and five days since then, and while I wasn’t obsessed with the idea of kissing him, every once in a while, when we were walking or studying together, I would catch a glimpse of his lips and remember how strangely perfect the kiss had been. I wondered if he ever thought about it either. He had kissed me on the cheek plenty of times, though it wasn’t the same.

I caught his arm before he could get too far away from me. I was so tempted to press a kiss against his lips, just to see the look of surprise on his face, but turned at the last second, pressing it on his cheek. I laughed at the stain the dark blue lipstick I was wearing left, wiping it off with my thumb.

“For luck,” I said when he raised his eyebrows. “You better win.”

“What have I been saying this entire season?” He smiled, a hint of cockiness to his attitude. “Nothing mattered until now.” I smacked his arm, laughing at his cheesiness. We stood in the stadium, near the gate to enter the field. Joshua wore his warmups, his uniform safely tucked away in his bag behind the bench. I was hardly the only one there early, more than a few people in the stands ready to cheer, and some like me, chatting with players.

“I can’t be the only one going to nationals in this relationship,” I said. I was still reeling in the pure ecstasy of our win the night before that had sealed our ticket to playing in the national tournament. It was hardly a guarantee that we’d win; in fact, our chances were pretty low as a lower seeded team. But going meant that my career wasn’t quite over, that I could hold on to the sport I loved more than anything for just a few weeks longer. It was enough to make me giddy.

He tapped my nose. “You’re starting to become a little cocky.”

“That’s what happens when you win and you’re going to nationals.” I grinned at him.

“You’re ridiculous,” he said, but he said it with a fond smile and I knew he was joking. He glanced at the timer, coming closer to the 60 minute mark. He would have to go to start warmups soon.

I squeezed his hand, trying to be serious. “You’ll win.” He stared at the ground, looking like he believed me, so I said it again. “You will win, and we will both go to nationals, and obviously we’ll win there too, and we’ll be a power couple like Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively.”

He laughed, but the smile didn’t remain for long. “Would you still date me if we lost?”

My cheeks felt warm as I forgot that there were people around us and that’s why he left out ‘fake.’ “Do you really think I’m that shallow?”

“You do sort of look like a groupie,” he said, gesturing to my outfit.

“Hey, this is literally your shirt!” I said. He had given me his old high school jersey as a joke, but every game I had worn it to, they had won, and I wasn’t going to break tradition now. I had even finally remembered to take the couples bracelet off of my key ring and back onto my wrist where it belonged. The blue makeup and hair ribbons in our school colors might have been a little much, but it was nothing compared to the guys I saw pregaming in the parking lot who had painted their entire bodies blue. “I think I look like a supportive partner.”

“And a cute one at that,” Joshua said, so serious that I almost didn’t think he was joking. He glanced at the timer again. “I need to go.” He paused for a moment longer in front of me, and I thought he was going to say something else, but he turned away, jogging across the field.

“If you don’t score, I’m breaking up with you!” I shouted after him. Even halfway across the field I could hear his laugh.

I settled into the front row of the stands, saving spots for the other members of the volleyball team who had promised they would come. The stands were pretty empty when warmups officially started, but at the 30 minute mark, they were buzzing with apprehension. With only five minutes left before the game, they were packed with people, mostly students, but a lot of parents, and even a few fans. Though our school wasn’t a commonly known name, their unprecedented two loss season and incredible stats from this year had gained a lot of attention. Joshua had told me that a couple of their players were in the process of being recruited for professional teams.

My own heart was hammering in my chest with more nerves than when I had played in my own playoffs the night before. At least then I had been playing, and even if we’d lost, I would have been able to say that I had done my best on the court. All I could do now was hope for the best and believe. There was something incredibly maddening about having no control.

We took the ball right at the start of the match, sending it back towards our defense first so that our players could move into better offensive positions. I watched Joshua as he moved across the field, moving back and forth across the midline until the team could get the ball farther down, pushing the other team’s defense back. Chan got a shot off but it was defended pretty easily. Neither team was going to give up without a fight.

The first half went back and forth, each team getting close to scoring but never actually getting the ball in. Jihoon had to make more than one good saves, but so did the other goalie. The crowd practically cried when the first half ended just before Jun could get a good kick on the ball.

The fifteen minute break between the halves went by quickly. I chatted with Momo, who had actually been watching for the first time since I’d started dragging her to these games. In no time they were back on the field.

I could feel how desperate both teams were to score, feeling as though I was on the field with them as our team pushed forwards past their defense. Jun, the tallest of our forwards, pushed ahead with the ball. He was practically right in front of me, which was how I could see the moment the other team’s defender crossed the line. He was behind Jun, acting as though he wanted to get the ball, but I saw as he raised his foot and dug the metal cleat onto the back of Jun’s calf, sinking the metal in and dragging his foot down.

Jun fell onto the turf immediately as Minghao practically tackled the other team’s defender to get him off Jun. Curse words were flying as the referees blew their whistles, desperately trying to stop it from turning into an all-out brawl. I found Joshua holding back Seungcheol with the help of Mingyu. He looked ready to commit a murder, and that’s when I realized I recognized the boy who had cleated Jun.

He had been on our team until last year.

The referees finally got the boys to calm down, sending them to their respective benches as the trainer was able to get Jun on his feet. Minghao and Chan helped him hobble to the table where she could actually treat his wound.

The crowd was a mess. I was pretty sure that some of the tipsy students were trying to break out and start a fight with the other team’s crowd, while others were chanting that the kid should be expelled, while others were looking rather sick at the gore that was right in front of them. I felt helpless as I watched the boys glare across the field while the other team was clearly yelling at the boy.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Jun was finally out of eyesight, hoping he could be treated without the prying eyes of the full stands and suffering even more trying to make sure he didn’t look like he was in too much pain. I didn’t know him very well, but he was nice, and he loved to play soccer. I wondered how deep the cleats had torn, and what his recovery would be like.

An injury like that was chilling to watch, especially for an athlete. It was a reminder not to take what you have for granted.

The referees announced the expulsion of the player quickly, giving Minghao a yellow card for “aggressive behavior.” As the boys stepped back onto the field, I could tell the atmosphere was different. I had been at the game where Chan got rocked by a defender and had to sit out because they were worried he might have a concussion. This was worse than that, the players on the field looking like sharks ready to pounce on the first source of blood. Even Joshua, my sweet, kind (fake) boyfriend who I had only ever seen angry once because his roommates locked him out, was glaring at the other team.

If they had been desperate before, it was nothing compared to now. The second the referee blew the whistle, they were pushing down the field. I winced any time they came near the other team's defense, but no fouls were called. Within the first two minutes of the game starting again, the ball was being passed between Chan and Minghao, back and forth, dodging around a couple defenders, moving closer to the goal, then sent back to Joshua near the midline, who took it up the field on his own, pulling the defenders to him before shooting it back up to Chan, who was waiting by the corner of the six yard box, changing the trajectory of the kick so instead of sailing past him, it was going to the goal.

The other goalie made a dive for the ball.

He was too late.

Cheers erupted on the field and in the stands, even Momo beside me shouting. Chan made it halfway across the field before his teammates lifted him off his feet. It took a couple minutes for them to settle down and reset, but the 1-0 on the screen was more comfort than I could imagine.

They only grew more cocky as the game continued and the score didn’t change. With only ten minutes left, the other team was trying everything they could, but nothing got past Seungcheol and Mingyu’s infamous Great Wall defense, and the little that could was stopped by Jihoon.

If they had calmed down about the incident, Jun hobbling back to the bench with five minutes left wound them right back up. All they had to do was hold the score, but I watched as Soonyoung pushed the ball downfield, passing it to Minghao. Our offense was definitely different without Jun, but they weren’t any less determined.

The Minghao-Chan duo were back at it, passing the ball between each other and dancing around the defense. With three minutes and twelve seconds left in the game, Minghao took a shot. It was deflected by a defender, but when he tried to send it back downfield to his teammates, Seokmin was there, intercepting the ball and sending it right back to Minghao, who took another shot and this time there was no defender to stop him.

I would have sworn that the screams could be heard all the way back to the other team’s home field as we cheered in the stands. A 2-0 lead with less than three minutes left in the game, all they had to do was hold on and they’d be the champions. It was so close I could already feel the win.

The energy on the field was immeasurable as the defense somehow locked up even further, doing their best to prevent the ball from even crossing the midline. When the clock hit one minute remaining, the other team pulled their goalie onto the field, and they made some headway, pushing up to our goal with thirty seconds left.

One kick from Seungkwan was all it took to send the ball soaring back down the pitch, their defense scrambling to get back in time.

I grinned as we counted down the clock in the stands.

“Ten!”

To their credit, the other team didn’t give up, catching up to the ball and trying to get into an offensive position

“Nine!”

Seungcheol and Mingyu refused to let a ball pass them.

“Eight!”

Joshua got the ball, taking it down field with him towards the other team’s goal.

“Seven!”

He kicked it to Seokmin.

“Six!”

Seokmin took it even further.

“Five!”

He passed it back to Joshua, who immediately sent it to Minghao.

“Four!”

Minghao faked a shot, sending it instead to Seokmin.

“Three!”

Seokmin sent it to Chan.

“Two!”

Chan swung his leg, sending the ball into the air.

“One!”

The ball seemed to stop in midair, just for a second. We held our breath as the buzzer began to ring, the ball floating, floating, floating, hovering just over the hands of the goal, and flying into the back of the net.

I couldn’t hear, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, doing my best to cheer with the crowd as the boys swarmed the field, hugging each other for a moment before going to their bench and lifting up Jun. I was pretty sure the trainer was having an aneurysm as they tossed him into the air, but they set him back down and even across the field through all the cheering, I could hear his laugh.

It took a while for the stands to clear, and even longer for the boys to emerge from the changing rooms. I waited against the wall, still grinning. I couldn’t quite believe that we really both were going to nationals. It felt a little bit like fate, except, of course, we weren’t actually together.

That was the problem, though. The lines had gotten blurred at some point, I couldn’t tell when, and I found myself forgetting that it was fake, forgetting why it was ever fake in the first place.

When I saw Joshua, I stopped thinking. He was grinning, pulling me into a hug that lifted me off my feet as soon as he saw me. I held on as tightly as I could until he set me down.

“Told you so,” I said. I felt as happy as I had last night, no, happier, because last night there was still a chance that he might not be able to feel the same way I did now.

“We only could win because of you,” he said. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Only if it’s true.” I laced my fingers with his as he started walking to the parking lot. We trailed behind Seungcheol and Jeonghan and I was suddenly sad that he lived with his teammates. I wanted to cling to this night just a little bit longer.

“Is Jun okay?”

Joshua shrugged. “He’ll probably be out for the rest of the season, but the trainer said he should be okay. They’re taking him to the emergency room to make sure it didn’t tear any tendons or anything, but I think she said it didn’t go too deeply into his muscles. The idiot wanted to watch the end of the game before he left.”

“The guy that cleated him... he used to play here, didn’t he?” Joshua didn’t answer for a long moment, glaring at the ground.

“Yeah,” he finally said. “The official word is that he transferred after last season.”

I wasn’t sure if I should press him for more, but curiosity got the better of me. “What really happened?”

“He was kicked off,” Joshua said. He didn’t elaborate any further, and I realized it was definitely not my place to ask more.

Joshua walked me to my car in silence. I wondered if he was upset that I asked about what happened. I leaned against the car door, not quite ready to say goodnight to him.

“How does it feel to be regional champion?” I asked. “You’re going to nationals.”

“I could ask you the same thing.” Joshua smiled at me, a genuine smile, no sign that we had been talking about anything upsetting. He leaned against the car beside me, though neither of us had anything to say.

“Seungcheol is probably going to invite the team to celebrate tonight if you want to come,” Joshua said.

I turned to meet his eyes in the streetlights, head brushing against his shoulder. The orange lights cast a strange haze over him, as if I was looking at him in a dream.

“We have practice tomorrow morning.” I sighed. “Coach said nationals prep starts immediately.”

Joshua didn’t say anything, but I think he knew what I didn’t say, just as I knew what he was thinking.

I want to be with you.

I want you to be with me.

He stayed a few moments longer, but eventually Jeonghan shouted that they were going to leave without him and he said a quick goodnight, kissing me on the forehead and sprinting to catch up with the car because Seungcheol had started to pull out of the lot.

I felt strange driving home alone, like there was something I forgot to tell him. Coach wasn’t joking about nationals prep; when I got back, Momo told me that she sent an email saying that we needed to be at lifting at 6 and practice would start at 7.

“Why so early?” I moaned into my pillow.

“You know Coach, she’s probably going to make us go to study hall after,” she said from the doorway of my room. “You should go to sleep soon, it’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

I sat up, reminding myself that I loved volleyball. I took a quick shower, then crawled back into bed. I sent Joshua a quick text telling him to be safe and drink lots of water, then let myself drift off to sleep, hanging on to the memory of him spinning me in his arms.

I woke up to a bright light. At first I thought it was morning, but when I opened my eyes, I realized it was my phone screen. I reached over to turn it off but when I picked it up I realized Joshua was calling me.

“Yn!” He said, slurring just a little. “Hi!”

“Joshua? Are you okay?” I sat up, checking the time on my clock. It was only 11:30 pm.

“I’ve never been better,” he said. “But we’re playing drink or dare and I don’t know how many drinks I’ve had so they made me do the dare.”

“Drink or dare?”

“You drink or you do a dare.”

“That makes sense,” I said, sitting up. I was still fighting sleep. “You were dared to call me?”

“I was dared to call you to tell you to pick me up.”

“Aren’t you at your apartment?”

“Yeah, I was dared to call you to tell you to pick me up and take me back to your place.”

“Oh,” I said. I was definitely awake now.

“You don’t have to actually come,” he said. I could hear some groans in the background. “Though I think they might still make me drink.”

“I’m on the way,” I said, getting out of bed and stretching. I hung up, trying not to think about how early I had to be up in the morning as I put on a sweatshirt and grabbed my keys. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was doing, but I could still hear Joshua’s voice when he thought I had hung up and whispered, “I love you.”

He was drunk and probably didn’t even realize he said it. He probably wasn’t even saying it to me. So why did I want it to be true?

The drive took eight minutes at this hour. I stepped out of the car and immediately regretted not bringing pants, shivering in the late October air while I waited for someone to let me into the apartment.

Maybe I had hallucinated it; it wouldn’t have been the first time I’d sleepily imagined his voice, though never those words. I couldn’t forget that, real or exhaustion-induced hallucination.

“Yn!” Jeonghan opened the door, dragging me in with an arm over my shoulder. I was surprised he didn’t smell like alcohol, until I remembered that Joshua said he didn’t drink very often. He pulled me through the entryway to where the entire soccer team was spread out, some of them on the couch, most sprawled on the floor. There were a few other people I recognized, friends of teammates, a couple people that I knew were dating players.

Joshua was laying on the floor, looking like he definitely had too much to drink. Jeonghan finally let go of my arm as I crouched over him. He opened his eyes and smiled and my heart did a couple flips.

“Hi,” he said. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

“You called me, dummy,” I said, tugging on his sleeve to get him to sit up. He almost knocked me down by leaning on me to sit up, and I somehow ended up half in his lap.

“I live here,” he said.

“You do, but you called me to pick you up.”

“That’s because we’re dating and I missed you.”

“That’s very sweet, but if you weren’t actually serious about coming home with me then I need to go because I have practice in the morning.”

He wrapped his arms around my waist, tucking his head into my shoulder. “Don’t go!”

“Then come with me,” I said, very aware of how many people were watching us. Though everyone knew how long we had been together, and Joshua had even slept over on my couch a couple times before, it felt bold to be (metaphorically) standing in front of him asking him to come home with me, especially with the half drunk audience.

“Joshua,” I tapped him on the shoulder because I wasn’t completely sure he wasn’t asleep. “Let’s go.” He loosened his arms enough so that I could stand, dragging him up with me. He latched on to my arm, surprisingly stable on his feet as we walked down the hall, sliding his shoes on and following me to the car. I was happy he clearly wasn’t going to notice how red my cheeks were as a couple of his teammates cheered and Seungcheol said, “be safe.”

Joshua practically fell into the front seat of my car. For an athlete, he wasn’t particularly graceful. I couldn’t help but smile as he fumbled with the seat buckle. I watched him struggle for a couple moments before shaking my head, leaning over him and clicking it into place. I turned my head to the side just slightly and realized how close I was to Joshua’s face, our noses about to brush together.

“You smell nice,” he said. I fought every urge not to glance at his lips because I was pretty sure if I did I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from leaning forward and pressing a kiss onto them. I knew I should probably stand up and drive home, but I stayed for a few more seconds, holding my breath when he lifted his hand to my face, running his thumb over my cheekbone, fingers gently caressing my jaw.

“You are the only one in my heart,” Joshua said. “Did you know that?”

I froze, staring into his eyes which were fixed on me as if he really was in love.

“We’re not going to break up because I didn’t score, right?”

Despite the fact that he had just made my heart do an entire acrobatic routine, I couldn’t help but laugh lightly, leaning back and patting his shoulder. “No, we are not going to fake break up.” I stepped out of the car, watching him slowly fall asleep.

I hadn’t misheard him earlier. He said ‘I love you.’ He told me how he felt in the most romantic way possible, albeit drunk, then proceeded to fall asleep. I couldn’t help but laugh, until I was hit by another realization.

This wasn’t a new emotion for him. I remembered how easily we fit together, how he didn’t deny that he wanted to date but said fake dating me wasn’t going to hurt him, the bracelets, Seungcheol and Jeonghan telling me that it had been two years and begging me not to break his heart, how quickly he said yes that first day I asked him to be my fake boyfriend. I remembered spending our first semester together, closer to him than to anyone else I had met, up until I started dating Nam-Il. We weren’t as close after that, and I realized that he probably pulled away, not wanting to get hurt.

I was an idiot.

An idiot for not ever realizing it, an idiot for not realizing how I felt.

I stared at him, sitting in my car, smiling just a tiny bit in his sleep. I loved him. Everything was clear now, the racing in my heart when he did something as simple as smile at me, how holding his hand never failed to ground me in reality, how fake dating him for the past month and a half made me happier than two years with my ex.

I loved him.

I stood outside the door to my apartment, key in my hand. The plan was so much easier in my head at 5 am when he was snoring on my couch, when I was at lifting, when I was at practice, when I was sneaking out of study hall. Not when I was about to walk into my apartment with no idea if Joshua was still there, ready to confront the fact that 1. he was in love with me and 2. I was a little in love with him too.

I took a deep breath, turning the key in the lock and stepping inside, setting my volleyball bag down in the entryway with my shoes. I couldn’t figure out how to breathe normally as I peeked over to the couch.

He was still there, sitting up and frowning at me. He looked adorable. “Yn? Did I sleep here?”

I laughed. “Yeah, I’m guessing you don’t remember much from last night, huh?”

“We won,” he said with a smile. “And I remember Seungcheol tried to kill me with shots. After that it’s kind of hazy.”

I sat next to him on the couch. Joshua had been my safe place for the past couple months, and I wasn’t sure how to act around him now. Logic said that what I was ready to tell him would be something he wanted to hear, something he’d been waiting to hear for a long time. Why was I still so nervous?

“You don’t remember calling me?”

He shook his head. “I remember… I don’t remember anything.”

I was almost ready to chicken out, but Joshua met my eyes and smiled. There was nothing new about it, the same soft smile, eyes turned up into little moons.

“You called at like 11:30 to have me pick you up,” I started. “And when I got to your apartment you were sleeping on the floor.”

“Wait, why did I call you to pick me up if I was at my apartment?” Joshua looked so cute frowning.

“You know, I don’t really get that either, but apparently you were playing a drinking game and I’m guessing it was supposed to be something like a booty call but considering you were sleeping on the floor when I got there I don’t think anyone really thought anything was going to happen.

“After I finally got you up, which by the way you are way heavier than you look, we got into my car and I literally had to strap you in.” I paused, glancing at him. “You still don’t remember any of this?”

He shook his head, but I could tell from his frown he wasn’t saying something.

“Well, first you said I smelled nice, which I guess was a compliment because you smelled like tequila, but then you said something else.”

His lips formed a little o. “It wasn’t a dream,” he breathed. I don’t know how he held my gaze as I watched him go through almost every emotion possible, shock, guilt, fear.

“Yn,” he said slowly. “I don’t know how to say this, clearly, and last night was definitely not how I intended for you to find out how I feel. I understand if you are uncomfortable with our… relationship and I don’t want you to feel trapped by anything, I just-”

“Joshua,” I said, placing my hand gently on his wrist. “Can you tell me again?”

“I-” He frowned. “What?”

“Can you say it not super drunk?”

“Yn, I love you.” The words came quickly, like he’d been holding them back for a long time. “I’ve been in love with you for the past two years and I know it’s not fair because you only asked me to be your fake boyfriend, but being together, even though it wasn’t real, felt right and you deserve to know that someone loves you, that I love you.” He looked so earnest, so honest, hands curling into fists instead of picking up mine, never once turning away from my eyes.

“I love you, too,” I said, voice barely stronger than a whisper. “Did you know that you’re a really good fake boyfriend? I meant what I said last time: you’d make a really good boyfriend to someone. I finally realized that I want that person to be me.”

Joshua was frozen for a second. “You really mean it?”

I laughed, nodding. “It’s not just because you are a good fake boyfriend. You are the first person that I think to call when something happens, whether it’s good or bad, the first person that I think about when I wake up and the person that I fall asleep dreaming about, and I know it’s pretty much the cheesiest thing I could say, but you are a dream I never want to wake up from, I want you, for real.”

Joshua grinned and it was a smile I had never seen before, pure happiness that pulled me up with him. He finally reached out, hands sliding up my arms, brushing his fingers over my shoulders, then coming to cup my cheeks, leaning forwards and pressing his forehead against mine.

“This isn’t a dream, right?”

I shook my head.

“Good, because I only want to kiss you if it’s real.”

“Then kiss me,” I breathed, and he did.

Like our first kiss, I forgot everything, how to think, how to breathe. I could only wrap my arms around his neck and try to pull myself a little closer to him, feeling every second of his patience of the two years crumbling away in the kiss. I felt his lips curl into a smile against mine as he pulled away, just a couple inches, to meet my eyes again, staring at me like he still couldn’t believe this was real.

I pressed a quick kiss onto his smile, laughing at the slow reaction of his emotions, tucking my head to the crook of his neck where I already knew I fit perfectly. He wrapped his arms around me, not unlike how he tried to hold me the night before, except this time I had no intention of getting up.

“You know this all went according to my plan,” he said. I could feel his voice vibrate in his chest.

“Oh yeah?”

“I was going to woo you with my incredible boyfriend skills and make you fall in love with me.”

“You’re sort of arrogant, did you know that?” I arched my neck to see his face, tucking it back into place with a satisfied smile at his frown. “Did you have any intention of ever actually telling me how you felt in this glorious plan?”

“Actually, I planned on doing it after nationals,” he said. “But I don’t think I could have waited that long. I almost told you last night right after the game. Do you know how absolutely adorable you looked?” He pulled me off his chest just so that he could kiss me again. “That was for last night.” He kissed me again. “For the night before that because you looked so happy after you won.” He kissed me again, this time lingering and I started to feel light headed because I was too happy. “That was just because I wanted to,” he said when I finally pulled away. My face was starting to hurt from smiling. He fiddled with the drawstrings of my hoodie.

Are you hungry?” I asked. “We haven’t gone grocery shopping in like two weeks, so there kind of isn’t any food here but we could get breakfast if you wanted?”

“That sounds nice,” he said, pretending to brush a strand of hair from my face but really just used it as an excuse to rest his fingers on my cheek, not unlike what he did the night before.

“I should shower,” I said, but I didn’t move.

He nodded. “You’re kind of stinky.”

“Says the one that smells like tequila!” He laughed and kissed me one more time.

“Did that taste like tequila?”

“Hm… Maybe it was vodka,” I said, pushing out of his lap and shrieking with laughter when he chased me, catching me easily and wrapping his arms around me in another hug.

“I love you,” he whispered in my ear. “I’m really happy I can say it now.”

“I love you, too,” I said. “Maybe not quite as much or for as long, but I do love you.” I wrapped my arms around his waist, holding on as tightly as I could.

I wondered what it would have been like if he had told me how he felt before I started dating Nam-Il. Would we have dated all through college? Would we have been able to stay happy, keep each other happy?

I didn’t believe in fate, but I think maybe me and Joshua were meant to be, not because of some unwritten destiny, but because we had gone through so much to be together. I laid my head over his heart and listened to its steady thumping. I closed my eyes, and decided that I would spend the rest of my life here, in the arms of the person that loved me the most, and the person that I loved the most.

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