#my grandpa came to the US from mexico

[thefearandnow]

So with Oppenheimer coming out tomorrow, I feel a certain level of responsibility to share some important resources for people to understand more about the context of the Manhattan Project. Because for my family, it’s not just a piece of history but an ongoing struggle that’s colonized and irradiated generations of New Mexicans’ lives and altered our identity forever. Not only has the legacy of the Manhattan Project continued to harm and displace Indigenous and Hispanic people but it’s only getting bigger: Biden recently tasked the Los Alamos National Lab facility to create 30 more plutonium pits (the core of a nuclear warhead) by 2026. So this is a list of articles, podcasts and books to check out to hear the real stories of the local people living with this unique legacy that’s often overlooked. 

This is simply the latest mainstream interest in the Oppenheimer story and it always ALWAYS silences the trauma of the brown people the US government took advantage of to make their death star. I might see the movie, I honestly might not. I’m not trying to judge anyone for seeing what I’m sure will be an entertaining piece of art. I just want y’all to leave the theater knowing that this story goes beyond what’s on the screen and touches real people’s lives: people whose whole families died of multiple cancers from radiation from the Trinity test, people who’s ancestral lands were poisoned, people who never came back from their job because of deadly work conditions. This is our story too.

The first and best place to learn more about this history and how to support those still resisting is to follow Tewa Women United. They’ve assembled an incredible list of resources from the people who’ve been fighting this fight the longest.

https://tewawomenunited.org/2023/07/oppenheimer-and-the-other-side-of-the-story

The writer Alicia Inez Guzman is currently writing a series about the nuclear industrial complex in New Mexico, its history and cultural impacts being felt today.

https://searchlightnm.org/my-nuclear-family/

https://searchlightnm.org/the-abcs-of-a-nuclear-education/

https://searchlightnm.org/plutonium-by-degrees/

Danielle Prokop at Source NM is an excellent reporter (and friend) who has been covering activists fighting for Downwinder status from the federal government. They’re hoping that the success of Oppenheimer will bring new attention to their cause.

https://sourcenm.com/2023/07/19/anger-hope-for-nm-downwinders/

https://sourcenm.com/2022/01/27/new-mexico-downwinders-demand-recognition-justice/

One often ignored side of the Manhattan Project story that’s personal for me is that the government illegally seized the land that the lab facilities eventually were built on. Before 1942, it was homesteading land for ranchers for more than 30 families (my grandpa’s side of the family was one). But when the location was decided, the government evicted the residents, bought their land for peanuts and used their cattle for target practice. Descendants of the homesteaders later sued and eventually did get compensated for their treatment (though many say it was far below what they were owed)

https://www.hcn.org/issues/175/5654

Myrriah Gomez is an incredible scholar in this field, working as a historian, cultural anthropologist and activist using a framework of “nuclear colonialism” to foreground the Manhattan Project. Her book Nuclear Nuevo Mexico is an amazing collection of oral stories and archival record that positions New Mexico’s era of nuclear colonialism in the context of its Spanish and American eras of colonialism. A must read for anyone who’s made it this far.

https://uapress.arizona.edu/book/nuclear-nuevo-mexico

There isn’t a ton of podcasts about this (yet 👀) but recently the Washington Post’s podcast Field Trip did an episode about White Sands National Monument. The story is a beautifully written and sound designed piece that spotlights the Downwinder activists and also a discovery of Indigenous living in the Trinity test area going back thousands of years. I was blown away by it.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/podcasts/field-trip/white-sands-national-park/

[honey-on-your-tongue]

Too Sweet

Javier Peña x fem!reader

Part one

Series masterlist

Blog masterlist

You’d come down to Colombia with one thing in mind: prove you’re more.

You’d studied journalism, been the top of your class. You were made for this, born for it. Everything you did came naturally. College had seemed almost too easy to be true. And to top it all off, you loved it. You loved the investigation, the adrenaline, the fact that you could show people the truth…

You were headed down the road of your dreams.

Joining the DEA hadn’t really been your idea. Your grandpa, the DEA agent back in his time, had insisted. He’d promised he could get you good connections, told you that you’d love it.

You knew you would. The idea of working in a big, complicated, dangerous case like that…How could you let the opportunity slip? So you agreed.

With your grandfather’s help, you were officially part of an investigative team for the DEA. Nothing big at first, just small busts on local operations in Texas.

And then, word reached your grandfather that more hands were needed in Colombia. He recommended you. You were called down a few weeks later.

You had big hopes for yourself, knew that you could do this. You were determined to take down the cartels, to uncover anything and everything necessary to win the drug war. You were hungry for information and hungry for the chase.

But then, a week before leaving for Colombia, your superior had called you into his office.

You sat at his desk, wondering what this was about.

Carl was somewhere in his late fifties, a man hardened by his time in the DEA. He’d worked under your grandfather for years. You'd always thought he was a good man.

Until that day.

“Listen,” he told you, sighing softly. “The higher-ups are sending you to Colombia mostly because your grandpa requested it. But you’re a kid. You’re too young to go down there and keep up with the kind of work that’s going on with the Medellín cartel.”

You’d frowned, taken aback, but quickly recovered. “I’m not a kid, Carl. I can handle myself. I know what I’m getting into.”

He pursed his lips, pausing a moment before saying, “I’m gonna be honest with you, kid, because your grandfather and I go back. How can someone like you expect to go down there and make a change?”

“Someone like me?” you echoed.

“Graduated little over a year ago, been in the DEA less than twelve months…” He paused, as if debating it. And then he added, “And you’re a woman.”

You froze then. That was supposed to be a problem?

“So?” you’d demanded, crossing your arms.

“So a woman—a pretty girl like you should be settling down, finding a man to love her, taking care of a family. What are you doing, going to the middle of a battlefield?”

You wanted to throw up. Wanted to punch him, scream, throw things. How dare he?

But you simply took a deep breath. “I can handle myself,” you repeated and stood up to leave.

“They’ll chew you up and spit you back out, kid,” Carl warned. You knew he was saying that because of what had happened to him in Mexico with your grandfather. A raid gone wrong, three DEA agents dead, Carl was hospitalized for months. He never returned to the field and instead retreated to managing operations from behind the desk.

You gave him a long, cold glare. “And I’ll go back. Not all of us run away with our tails tucked between our legs at the slightest sign of danger, Carl.” You turned and headed for the door. “I’ll tell my grandpa you said hi.”

You think about the conversation the entire flight to Colombia.

What are you doing, going to the middle of a battlefield?

He's a fucking idiot, you think to yourself. Why else would anyone go to the battlefield? To fight, to defend…How could you just not do anything about it? If you stood by and watched everything go down, knowing that you have the ability to help even in the smallest things, you’d be just as bad as the narcos. Standing by and doing nothing is aiding and abetting the cartels.

You can do this. You know you can do this. And yet, Carl’s words cut deep. You know he’s not the only one who thinks that. Working in the middle of a field mostly ruled by men means having to deal with the fact that they all look at you like some toy thing, like just another housewife in the making.

You won’t—won’t, won’t, won’t—let that get to you. You know your potential. Even if no one else can see it, you know it’s there, you know how far you can go. And you’re going to make all of them see it too.

The first day in Colombia is a blur. You go through the airport, find a taxi to take you to the apartment the embassy has assigned for you. You settle in. It’s a simple place, simple furniture, not decorated. Just a twin-size bed, a few rickety chairs and a table for a dining room, thin curtains.

You sigh. It’s the first time you’ve lived alone. Sure, you had a dorm in college. But this is…different. It’s your apartment. All of this is your responsibility. It’s a feeling of freedom and fear all in one. Just the kind of adrenaline you need to get your mind off that horrid conversation with Carl.

You settle in. Meaning that you take your suitcases into your room and sit on the bed, the springs squeaking beneath your weight.

You start work tomorrow and you have nothing to eat, nothing to clean the house with, nothing to cook with—just nothing.

Since you’re not sure how long you’re gonna be in Colombia, you might as well make this place a home.

You find a decent furniture store not far from the apartment complex that can deliver your things in a couple of days. You buy simple things—a dresser, sofas, a real dining table with chairs, and a bed where you can sleep more comfortably. It’s a big bill, but some of your expenses are refunded by the DEA, so you allow yourself a certain amount of luxury.

And what kind of home doesn’t have decorations?

You pick out plant pots, nicer curtains, a few lamps to lighten up the place. And dishware. Simple plates, silverware, glasses, mugs. A set of four since you don’t expect to have much company. The cookware goes at the end. A single set of pots of three different sizes, a kettle, and a medium frying pan. Add some spatulas and you’re done.

You’d left your new apartment around midday. You return at dusk, just as the sun has dipped over the horizon, leaving the sky a soft purple.

You were told you’d get a car. Apparently, not until next week, according to the woman who you’d called to ask about it.

You took a cab, brought the boxes out of the trunk and left them all in the entrance hall. Now, you find yourself hauling boxes of decorations up the stairs. Up and down, up and down. Your legs grow tired, your back aches from carrying all the heavy stuff up two floors.

You’re heading back down to retrieve a box of plates when one of the doors on the first floor opens.

A man in his mid-thirties steps out, wearing a mustard-yellow button-up tucked into his jeans. His brown hair is a little tousled, his dark eyes find yours before moving to the boxes at the bottom of the stairs. A small smile quirks his lips up under his mustache.

“¿Necesitas ayuda?” he asks.

You blink. You know a little bit of Spanish. More understand it than speak it, really. You immediately become flustered, a little afraid you won’t be able to communicate with this man when he’s so kindly asked if you need help.

“Oh, uh…Yo estoy—” you cut yourself off. Can he even understand you with your accent? “The boxes, um—está pesados y—”

“You’re American,” the man says, relieving you when you realize he speaks English too. He eyes you up and down. “I’m Javi,” he introduces, holding a hand out to you.

You shake his hand. His palm is warm, fingers calloused. You’re distracted by that as you give him your name almost mechanically, your mind on the feel of his hand against yours.

His eyes flash with recognition. “You’re the new girl.”

You blink. “I—What?”

He chuckles softly. “I’m a DEA agent,” he explains. “They told me you were coming down to help with the cartels.”

“Oh.” You nod softly. “Yeah, that’s…me I guess.”

He eyes you again. “You’re younger than I thought you’d be.”

You’re not sure if that’s a compliment or not. “I-I’m twenty-three,” you blurt, as if that were an acceptable answer.

Which is the acceptable answer? you wonder. If there even is one…

He chuckles softly, an easy smile on his lips. “That’s still pretty young,” he points out, tucking his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “So. I’m guessing you just moved here?”

“Yeah. Just…settling in, actually,” you reply, nodding at the boxes on the floor.

“You moving all that on your own?” he asks, frowning slightly. “Here, let me help.” He reaches for a box before you can respond.

“That’s—You really don’t have to, I can do it myself,” you stutter, glad for the help but still trying to be polite.

“Come on, it’s no problem. I’m glad to help,” he insists, already starting to walk up the stairs with a box in his arms.

You follow after him, quick little steps trailing after his long strides. You lead him to your apartment, the door already open, and you gesture at the messy threshold, loaded with boxes. “You can just put it down anywhere,” you tell him, a little embarrassed about the mess.

He nods and sets the box down on the floor. He gives a quick, curious look around your apartment and whistles lowly. “Nice place. Your apartment’s got a better view,” he says, peeking into the living room.

“Not much of a view when that lamppost is out. It’s just…dark.”

“Yeah, but you’ll be able to see the sunrise,” he replies.

You turn to him, smiling softly with a little hmph. “I don’t stay up until the sunrise,” you tell him. “I can’t function properly if I don’t get enough sleep.” His eyes meet yours, dark, his gaze thick, and you feel nervous. Did you come off as weird? Are you making an absolute fool of yourself right now? Your nerves make your rambling worse. “I just—I just need at least eight hours, y’know? Otherwise I’m just stumbling through the day in a bad mood and that’s never good for anyone, especially if I don’t get my morning coffee. I’ll just be upset and bitchy all day and people get upset about it and then I get upset about that so it’s like a chain reaction and…” You trail off at the look in his eyes, a tiny smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

I sound like an idiot. He's gonna think I'm a fucking moron.

***

Fucked.

That’s all that Javier’s mind can come up with.

Fucked. I’m fucked.

He’s fucked. You adorable little thing, rambling on nonsensically, cheeks turning pink, eyes wide and nervous. His interest is piqued. You’re pretty, clearly smart, and you’ve gotta have guts to come down here at the ripe old age of twenty-three. You intrigue him, something about you has him thinking about blurring the boundary between co-workers and something more.

When he heard there was going to be a journalist headed down here to aid with the investigations, he’d expected some grumpy old man. Or a plain asshole who’d sit on his ass all day and do nothing. He had even thought that maybe they’d send down one of those pretty TV reporters just to get more people to watch their news.

Then he found out your name. He recognized your last name, he knows who your grandfather is. The Federico García, a good man and an even better DEA agent that controlled the Mexico cartels at the Texas border. But he never thought agent García would have a gorgeous, intelligent, gutsy granddaughter who’d end up working in Colombia.

And now that he’s seen you…

No, he thinks to himself. Come on, man. Look at her. She’s almost fifteen years younger. You can’t. Can’t. Can’t.

He shakes his head slightly to get rid of the thoughts.

He glances around again. Your apartment is bare with the evident lack of use. Javi wonders how many hours it’s been since you got off the plane.

You smile a little sheepishly. “I, uh, still got a few more boxes to get to if you, um, wanna help?”

He gives you his trademark sideways grin. “I’d be happy to,” he replies. As you two leave your apartment and start walking back down the stairs, he asks, “You nervous?”

You open your mouth to reply and pause. He glances at you, raising a curious eyebrow, and chuckles when you nod softly. “A little,” you admit. “Not so much about, like, the cartels and the narcos. Just…nervous about being in a new place where I don’t know anyone.”

“Ah.” He nods. “I get the feeling. But you’ll be fine.” He nudges your shoulder with his gently. “You got me now.”

Stop, stop, stop, his mind screams. Are you flirting with her? Why are you flirting with her?!

You give him a shy grin. “Yeah, I guess. So you’re, uh, a field agent?”

He nods proudly. “Yeah. Only way to catch these motherfuckers is to go after them ourselves.”

“Do you ever get afraid?” you ask. “When you’re walking in there with guns and bulletproof vests…Do you ever lose your nerve?”

He sighs softly. “I’m scared, sure. There’s always the risk of getting shot, killed…But if we don’t do this, who will? Someone has to stop these assholes.”

You nod. “Fair point,” you allow.

Thing is, Javier didn’t tell you the whole truth. Is he afraid? Fuck, yes, he’s afraid. He lives with the constant fear of getting caught in the crossfire. The narcos would never purposely kill a DEA thanks to Kiki, but a stray bullet…

He also doesn’t tell you about the interrogations, the tortures, the illegal shit he does with Carrillo and the Colombian army. The nightmares he has sometimes. The look of terror on these people's faces when they know they’re caught.

He helps you with all of the boxes, purposely taking a little longer just so he can talk to you. The way you speak, the way you look at him with eyes full of innocence, the way he knows what his intentions are and still can’t seem to stop himself…

Fuck, he’s doing the wrong thing. He knows he is. And yet, he’s not holding back.

Once all of the boxes of decorations and basic home necessities are placed in your threshold, Javi smiles softly. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

You nod. “Thanks again for your help,” you tell him for the millionth time. “I’ll be in by eight…ish. If I can find a cab. Do cabs drive by here?”

Javi blinks at you. It takes him a moment to put the pieces together. “You don’t have a car yet. You won’t get it until roughly next week.” He sighs. He remembers that, waiting for the embassy to make true on their promise to give him a car. It took days longer than it should’ve. “I can drive you.”

Your big, soft eyes widen a little. “Oh, no, it’s fine. I wouldn’t want to be an inconvenience—”

He waves dismissively and cuts you off. “No, really. I mean, I have to go to the embassy anyway, might as well give you a lift.”

You hesitate, biting into that plump bottom lip of yours. He can already imagine himself tugging it out from between your teeth, running his thumb over it…

“Really,” he insists. “It’s no problem. I’ll even let you pick the music,” he teases.

That gets a little giggle out of you. “Alright,” you give in after a moment. “Okay. Thank you. So, uh, I’ll be ready at eight.”

Javi smiles softly, his most dashing, charming smile. “Good, I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Good night.”

“‘Night,” you reply, a soft pink filling your cheeks when he playfully winks at you before walking away.

This is a mistake, he thinks to himself as he walks down to his apartment. I should stay away from her.

But deep down, Javier knows he won’t. He can’t. He wants a lot of things from you, but keeping his distance? It's just not one of them.

Dividers from @cafekitsune they're all amazing!!! Thank you for creating these gorgeous works!

If you guys want me to start a taglist for this fic, lmk! Ily!!! Please don't forget to comment, reblog and like <3

[transgenderer]

i was wondering bc discussions of 'culture' is in vogue rn, my understanding is u ID as white while being 1/8 black, how do ur parent + grandparent with black ancestry ID? do you think your ancestry has an effect on your ~culture~, or what about ur parent or grandparent?

so my dad (1/4) is like. kinda weird about it? he's like, everything-passing. had a no war with iran sticker and got asked if he was iranian, went to mexico, spoke some bad spanish, got the native discount, etc. when i was a kid he would insist i check off both "white" and "african american" if a survey allowed both options. so i think he does the same. in college he was invited to a university event for black students so he came and arthur ashe (the tennis guy) told him he didnt belong there). anyway uh. i think he feels kind of weird about it? but the area i grew up in is pretty multiracial (altho not very black) so "mix of various ethnicities" is like one of the default types of guy there, and he grew up in NYC. my mom was once asked about her experience being in an interracial relationship and she was confused and didnt know how to respond

anyway my grandpa i think IDs much more with "immigrant"+"jamaican" than with black. i mean. he looks like your run of the mill american black guy. but he has a jamaican accent, and has lived in nyc his whole time in america so yknow, immigrant is a significant social role there. also there allegedly (according to my dad, i have not been able to verify this and have tried) a thing in jamaica where the children of slaves and slaveowners could inherit from their father so it was significant if you had white ancestry, like you were a lot richer. my grandpa didnt know his father but also owned like a plot of land+house in jamaica (he sold it when i was a kid, only visited once or twice), not sure whats going on there. he grew up in the middle of nowhere highland jamaica. weird guy. married a british lady (he was there for school?) and moved to the US

anyway im not sure i received much like jamaican culture from either of them except my grandpa would make (or actually i think my english grandma would make it) jamaican food and then i would get autistic about the texture except breadfruit which i love. weird jamaican stories. to the extent that it feels like ive recieved like a cultural influence from either of them its a bit of nyc culture (certain type of argumentative)

[jungle-angel]

Little Drummer Boy (Bob Floyd x Reader)

Summary: An age old tradition makes the best memories for you, Bob and your family

Note: Inspired by the music video for King and Country’s version of one of my favorites. I’ll post the link for it here, guys this video absolutely blew my mind and all I could think of watching it was Lewis.

Tagging: @fanboygarcia @rhettabbotts @nobody7102 and @sebsxphia​ guys I really hope you like this, it’s been sitting in the back of my brain for a while now (Sebbie, I still owe you those asks which will be done in no time at all, lol). 

“Auggie!” Bob called from the top of the basement stairs. “August Robert, come on up here! Mimi and Papa have a surprise for you!” 

Auggie came bounding up the basement stairs from where he, Patrick and his cousins had been playing beanbag toss, nearly losing his tiny wireframe glasses in the process. Unfortunately, his footsteps were more akin to Rooster’s, loud and stomping as he ran up the stairs and into the kitchen. 

“Auggie, walking feet please,” you told him sternly. “Rudy just fell asleep.” 

“Sorry Momma,” Auggie whispered. 

“C’mere bud,” Joe told him before he and Mickey had finished re-arranging a few of the Christmas ornaments on the tree. “We got you something for tonight.” 

Auggie jumped and clapped his little hands together. It wasn’t often that Bob’s parents got to spoil the ever living shit out of their grandkids, but when they did, the kids were more than happy and grateful for it, especially around this time of year. 

Auggie gave his grandfather a huge hug before he opened the present, you, Bob and the rest of the Dagger Squad watching to see his reaction. 

Those big blue eyes behind his little glasses went even wider when he saw what lay within the shiny green and red paper. It was a little wood and canvas drum that was the perfect size for Auggie, complete with a set of sticks that weren’t too big or too small, made from birch wood that was nearly white. 

“THANK YOU PAPA!!!” Auggie nearly screamed as he hugged his grandfather again. 

“That’s from me, Momma, your dad, Mimi and Grandpa Birdy,” Joe chuckled. “And it’s for you to play tonight during the walk.” 

Auggie was excited beyond words as he ran to put his drum and drumsticks upstairs in his bedroom, his little feet thundering up the stairs along with Nicky, Pete, Tiago and TJ. 

“Man I have never seen a kid that excited before,” Payback laughed. 

“Oh believe me, if you gave him a banana for Christmas, he’d be just as happy,” you laughed. 

Bob kissed your cheek and gently scratched Rudy’s soft little hand with his fingertips. “I hope he comes back down soon,” Bob said. “We still have to make sure Nestor’s settled for tonight.” 

“He will be,” you told him. “There’s nothing the little guy can’t face.” 

A smile broke out on Bob’s face. “You’re right,” he chuckled. “I’ve seen him pull a plow three times his size and he’s still got enough energy in him to keep going.” 

You put Rudy upstairs in the crib where Rudy and Mickey’s daughter would be sleeping for the next few days, before you, Bob, Mickey and Joe headed out into the snow to the barn where all the critters had been sheltered from the freezing cold of the day and night.

Down the row of stables and pens you went until you came to one near where Thunder, Bob’s mustang, was munching away at the hay in his trough, until you found the one belonging to Nestor. 

The grey and brown donkey lay asleep in the hay, perking up his long, pointy ears when Bob whistled for him to come. Out of the pocket of his Carhardt jacket, he pulled a few sprigs of peppermint from Irene’s indoor garden box before Nestor munched it right from the palm of his hand. 

“He’s got a long walk ahead of him tonight,” you remarked, petting his short, fuzzy little snout. 

“That’s nothing,” Mickey said, laughing a little. “When Abuelo Pedro was growing up in Mexico, the whole town used to walk up the steep hills where the church was.” 

“Every year?” Bob asked him. 

“Every year on Christmas Eve and every Sunday,” Mickey explained. “Christmas Eve, they’d each light a candle and carry it with them while they walked up the hills with the rest of the group at midnight.” 

You and Bob listened with awe as Mickey told about the deep seeded family traditions of Mickey’s family, tracing them from the mountains of Colombia and eventually to Mexico City. Now that you and Bob would be experiencing it for yourselves, it lit a new fire of excitement in the both of you. 

***********************

Christmas Eve

Cheyenne Falls, OK

Floyd Ranch

“You gonna be warm (y/n)?” Bob asked as he placed Rudy in your warms, the newborn comfortably swaddled in Joe’s Indian blanket. 

“I’ll be perfectly fine,” you told him. “Besides, this little guy is the one I’m most worried about.” 

Bob smiled as he kissed Rudy’s delicate little head and placed his little blue pacifier in his mouth. “His first Christmas and he gets to rest in the little manger at the church,” Bob half laughed. “Lucky him.” 

“Hey you did it too, remember?” you chuckled. 

“Oh you’ve been listening to my mom and my gram’s horror stories again, haven’t you?” Bob laughed, unable to control the grin that broke out on his face. 

You kissed him sweetly on the lips, adjusting Rudy in your arms so that he would stay warm. “C’mon,” you said. “Everybody’s waiting.” 

You and Bob all went down to meet the rest of the family, each one of them prepared to play their part in the Christmas walk. Auggie stood in front of Hangman, bouncing on his heels with excitement and chattering away with his godfather. 

“Ya know Boob, every year since I was this kiddo’s age it’s the same,” Hangman remarked. “I always end up playing a wise man in the Christmas pageant.” 

“Wise ass is more like it,” Bob chuckled. 

Hangman blew him a raspberry and so didn’t Auggie. 

“Hey, you’d better behave yourself good sir,” Bob warned him. “Otherwise you’re going on Santa’s naughty list.” 

“Yes Daddy,” Auggie chirped, straightening himself up.

The chatter died down as soon as Mickey’s grandparents, Pedro and Alma, entered the room, motioning for everyone to come gather around, linking their hands as Abuelo Pedro said a quick Hail Mary for a safe journey. 

Outside everyone went where Joe had readied Nestor with his little saddle. Bob helped you up, making sure that Rudy was safe, the both of you quickly quieting the cry that escaped his throat. Pedro and Alma helped each person in the group light the fat tapers they held in their hands, some red, pink, blue, purple, gold and green. 

“Shall we go?” Alma asked. 

Auggie stood beside her and the others at the front, Bob holding Nestor’s bridle as the others followed close behind. Auggie began to play, unable to resist the thought of doing so. He looked up at Alma before she smiled down at him, laughing a little as she remembered Mickey doing the same thing when he had been Auggie’s age. 

It wasn’t long before you heard Bob’s voice singing those familiar words, the others joining in along with you, your voices becoming nearly one as they sang the tale of the little boy who had nothing to give, save for the beautiful music he made with his simple drum. 

Other families, many of them Joe and Irene’s neighbors, had come to join the group, shutting their doors with a candle or a lantern in their hands. The Changs and their four grown sons climbed over the fence, Ali and Noor El Bisi following behind them with a lantern that Ali’s father had brought with him from Egypt, the Whittaker’s and their brood of twelve, the eldest in college and the youngest barely a toddler. So many families from far corners of the world and all walks of life, joined you and the rest of the squad, journeying through the cold and snow to the edge of the town where St. Michael’s Church had stood since the early days of the wild west, built by the hands of the Irish, Italians, Germans and so many others who had come to find shelter in the prairie hills. 

Your eyes looked down at Rudy as you sang, yours and Bob’s precious newborn, fast asleep as the choir of voices sang along with yours. Your eyes soon met Bob’s, that same loving look that never left his eyes since the two of you had gotten married.

At last the huge stone church came into view, tall and looming, the lights visible in the stained glass windows as onlookers had gathered to watch and take pictures or short videos, all of them in awe of the voices that sang across the hills in the dark, your faces illuminated only by the light of the flames that flickered from the candle wicks. 

Near the doors of the church, you could see Father Gonzales, the grandfather of one of Auggie’s classmates, a huge smile on his face and yours growing broader knowing that you and Bob were surrounded by the people you loved the most. 

“Merry Christmas Bob,” you whispered to him. “I love you.” 

“I love you too sweetheart,” he whispered back. “Merry Christmas.” 

That night, you said a silent “thank you” for the family you had and the people who had made your life worth living. 

[fuckitwhenifeelit]

Normal au, Shuri's family totally rich enough to have homes all over the world. Shuri decides to go to a modest one in Mexico to de-stress. She has never been there, it was mostly used by her great grandpa and then great grandfather after they had retired .

Its quiet, and she managed to get wifi. But she's trying to detach a little from tech to get more intune with herself outside it. Swimming and exploring the urban and path forests nearby. She hadn't met the neighbors yet, but her grandfather told her a couple funny stories about the family. And they seemed like nice people.

*one aspect of the house is weird is closed outdoor shower. But it isn't really open and has good water pressure, so Shuri didn't mind.

Until she hears what sounds like a cat toy got stepped on in shower. Looks down and sees what is clearly not a wild frog. Just chilling next to her. Enjoying the water.

"Bro, where are your owners?" Shuri after getting dressed and picking up the zen little creeping frog. Hears kids screaming nearby.

*insert hilarious name here for frogger.

And sees a 6 year old boy and a 9 year old girl scouting the forested area between the vacation house and the neighbors.

"Where are you?" *in Yucatan

"Are you looking for this guy?"

"Thank gods he's okay. He's our uncles. And we were watching him. He jumped out onto the roof and then the trees. We would have been in so much trouble if we didn't find him."

"Well, he found his way into my showers."

Shuri handed the creature to the little girl , who held the fat frog like a cat. Shuri had to not cackle at the visual. The kids loudly thanked her and ran off.

*Namor coming by to thank Shuri for helping locate his missing pet.

Shuri usually handles surprises well. She's prepared for most things. But she was not prepared answering the doorbell inn her exercise clothes to find a gorgeous Indigenous man at her door with a fruit basket.

"I came to thank you for finding my Pet for tolerating my niece and Nephews running around your property."

*bashful or at least self conscious shuri talking to Namor. Who is clearly checking her out too.

"It was nothing, they seem like good kids."

"Well your family in the past let me and my younger family run around the forests and river between the houses. "

A little light went off in Shuris mind, remembering one of her grandfather's favorite stories of the place.

"Oh my god, your the boy my grandpa said was trying to make a frog circus." Namors entire face is red , bc the embarrassing phase he had at 7 came to bite him three decades later.

*This is Shuri finding the frog again the next time the kids lose him

[vacantgodling]

anyway y'all are gonna get my unncessary cole cassidy backstory notes.

so basically i'm breaking up cassidy's backstory into the different personas he defines himself as during that time period in his life. currently there are 5 eras, with the 5th being this current cage-universe era.

ERAS:

CJ Cassidy III [age: birth through 15]

The Deadeye Kid or "Kidd" [age: 15-20]

Jesse McCree (deadname jumpscare) [age: 21-36]

Joel Morricone [age: 31-present day kinda]

Cole Cassidy (!! CURRENT ERA !!) [age: 37-present]

CJ CASSIDY III ERA

went by CJ or junior, even though he's a third because his grandfather stopped considering his father his son after he was born and his dad kept fucking up. really looked up to his grandfather and had strained relationships with both of his parents. after his grandfather's death, he started down a bad path as he had no guiding figure in his life.

IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS:

Grandma: Eliana “Silver”  Cassidy (mn: Clearsky) (1977-2032; age at death 55)

Eliana was a force of a woman. She was from the Apache tribe in New Mexico, and she had storm grey eyes that always seemed to mirror the rare storms that overtook the area. 

She was always the disciplinarian for their son Cole Jr (cj's father), and did partially regret when he began to go astray. She passed away 6 years before Cassidy was born and Cassidy Sr never married again.

Grandpa: Cole Justice Cassidy Sr. (1979—2055; age at death 76)

The man who really raised CJ and whom he has an extreme reverence for. Cassidy Sr. was a stoic man but he did have a soft spot for his grandson.

the mexican clan that would eventually become known as the cassidy’s used to rule the Old West back in the 1880s, or at least the part of Arizona that they reside in now; and it was when their first ancestor Judas (Jude) “Justice” Cassidy made contact with an ancient spirit of the West. Some say it was a demon, some an angel, some malevolent, some mischievous—either way the spirit challenged Jude to a shootout, which Jude won. Afterwhich, he fell into a trance and the spirit granted him the Deadeye ability. This ability passed down through the generations, when that fiery red and gold skull and crossbones appeared in his own son’s eye when he was 6 years old. Most Cassidy’s start showing their ability when they’re around 6 or 16 and Cassidy Sr was no different. The ability however, skipped Cole Jr (cj's father), and ended up getting passed to CJ.

Father: Cole Justice Cassidy Jr. (2022—2059; age at death 37)

Cassidy had a strained relationship with his father; he was a drunkard and beat his longterm partner (Selina Ballard) and was adulturous, and was overall a disappointment to Cassidy Sr.

CJ took up the same disdain for his father, and esp after his grandfather’s passing, he began to treat his father with more ire. The last time the two of them spoke, they actually came to blows over Cassidy joining a gang.

When his father passed away suddenly in a drunk driving accident (he was a trucker) when he was 19, Cassidy didn’t go to his funeral.

Mother: Selina Ballard (2024—2076; age at death 52)

A semi-neurotic, anxious woman who was raised in a religious commune with her parents up until she turned 14 and began public school after her parents took their own lives. Selina has always held fast to her religion, and has always tried to be chaste—at least until she met Cole Jr. She fell head over heels for him, and consequently did anything to get him to stay with her, which included losing her virginity at 16 and falling pregnant with their eventual son, CJ. She changed her religion to Catholicisim shortly after CJ’s birth, and lived with Cassidy Sr as he didn’t want the mother of his grandson to live on the streets, esp after he found out she was an orphan. The two steered clear of one another, but she always acknowledged that the man was a great influence on Cassidy’s life. Cassidy hasn’t spoken to his mother in years, and despite Reyes encouraging him in Blackwatch to try and reach out to her, its just not something he could ever bring himself to do. He always called her ‘mama’ and he carries with him a good helping of religious trauma which he doesn’t try to wade through—just feels like too much work.

Her passing occurs just when Overwatch is shut down by the PETRAS act. Cassidy takes the time to leave everything behind him (grieving heavily) and goes back to the states to bury her since he’s the only one she has left. The funeral arrangements were already set up, the Cassidy ranch sold off, and the only thing that Cassidy had left of any of his family aside from their memories are his mama’s rosary beads. He keeps them as a memento, even if he’s not religious.

THE DEADEYE KID ERA

After Cassidy Sr. passed away, Cassidy began to spiral. He was already a rambunctious kid who had a hard time sitting still, but without the guidance of his grandpa, and the mess of his family life between Cole Jr.’s drinking, and his mother’s religious fervency and anxiety around him doing anything outside of the home, he began to sneak out, run away, and get on the wrong side of the law.

It wasn’t long before he was doing small run ins with the local gang; the notorious Deadlock gang who had been operating around these parts since 1976. Eliana Cassidy (grandmother) had a few family members who were mixed in with the gang (though it was a life she herself avoided—she didn’t like taking orders, which is something Cassidy kinda gets from her) and so when little CJ started coming around, they opened their arms to him like he was a cousin. By the December of that year—The Alleyway Shootout as it would come to be called occurred, which led to Cassidy formally using his Deadeye ability for the first time to kill 3 police officers. The gang saw his ability and decided to take him under their wing formally, training him for bigger jobs and keeping him out of the clutches of the law. This is also where he began his eventual lengthy bounty. The mokier the cops gave him was “The Deadeye Kid” and it stuck. Elder gang members took to calling him “Kidd” because 1. Billy the Kid but 2. because at 15-16 he was the youngest member.

Kidd dropped out of HS at 17 and stopped returning home, never mind that his mama worried about him. The last time she reached out to him was at 19 when his father passed away in a DUI incident, and all he said was “Ma, ya know I ain’t comin’.” and he hung up on her. Whenever she tried to reach out, Kidd never responded.

Kidd rose the ranks of the gang pretty quickly; he became acquainted with their arms trade, became their enforcer whenever deals went south. the high that cassidy got from stealing, shootouts, joyriding and more just couldn’t be beat. and on top of this, his gang became his new family: sure, they treated him like shit sometimes and teased him something fierce when it was discovered that he was bi, but they cared about him and he cared about them. for the most part. the only time he doubted this is when he got into an argument with the leader of deadlock once; and in exchange, they got him jail time for about 6 months when he was 20… getting out just before they were fully apprehended by overwatch—so basically he got out of jail and was immediately taken in by head of blackwatch, Gabriel Reyes.

THE JESSE MCCREE (OVERWATCH) ERA

After being apprehended by Overwatch, Reyes offers Kidd two choices: join overwatch under his command, or rot in a jail cell for the rest of his natural born life. It was an easy answer, and since he's been left his true name behind, kidd now needed a new mask to wear; eventually settling on the name Jesse McCree. Under the watchful care of a few key Overwatch members, Jesse's morals, outlook on life, and skills begin to evolve once more.

IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS:

Gabriel Reyes ⟶ a mentor and father figure to jesse and the first one who really saw his true potential. he likes to claim that even if jesse said no to joining blackwatch he would’ve kept badgering him until he said yes. reyes always reminded jesse of his grandfather, even if he wasn’t as wise or as patient as the man. even still, having that strong presence in his life helped change his morals—even if he’s doing things “wrong” if those wrong things equate for the greater good, then that’s what matters. reyes saw jesse, towards the end of overwatch, as basically his own son.

Dr. Mina Liao / Echo ⟶ while jesse always had a hard time understanding what the hell dr. liao was always talking about whenrever she started rambling about omnics, ai, and engineering, he did know that she was a kind, bright soul and he really took a shine to her. in a strange way she reminded him of the kind of bright spark that his mama used to have before she met his dad and before she delved headfirst into a reductive religion. to jesse’s eyes, ai was basically like a religion to dr. liao, but one that she was taking part in understanding, learning, and shaping. consequently, he never had any issues helping her train with echo and really began to value her research for what it was: a way for humanity to move forward. he didn’t ever have strong opinions about omnics until he met dr. liao, but she shaped his view that so long as something has thoughts it has a soul and while he doesn’t consider himself religious that is something he holds onto. in the same vein, echo is special to him; he feels horrible about not being able to protect dr. liao and one of his many demons is wishing he knew who, what, or why the explosion in her lab took place. 

Ana Amari ⟶ the kind of mother that jesse wishes that he had—he understands fareeha’s struggle with having a mother who pulls away from her but at the same time, if there’s anyone who truly shaped jesse, it’s ana. she learned of his deadeye and helped him hone it; training with him for hours and days on end to become a sharpshooter so that deadeye itself was only a last resort. she made sure he washed behind his ears, and said his please’s and thank yous; re-instilled the manners that he lost being in the gang for as long as he was. he’d move mountains for her and she knows it.

Genji Shimada ⟶ the two of them, similarly to hanzo and himself (in the future), did not start off on a good foot but this was mostly due to genji’s attitude and demons and less to do with jesse’s personally investment with his attitude problem. the one place where they seemed to find some sort of equal footing was during training sessions; genji would beat him up and then feel better enough to express himself a little bit, then he would close off and the cycle would continue. jesse can’t pinpoint exactly what made genji’s mold fully crack open and open up to him, but he assumes that part of it had to do with the fact that jesse helped him (along with blackwatch) dismantle the shimada clan. during genji’s darkest hours during their stings, jesse was the only person willing to get close enough to extend a hand to him; even reyes was decidedly more hands off with genji, just expecting him to perform. but jesse recognized that he was a man within his cybernetics, a hurting man. and that is partially why genji considers jesse/cassidy not only his closest friend, but damn near a brother. 

Moira O’Deorain ⟶ moira always said that the ire jesse held for her is because she was uninterested in dressing up her controversial views and research in pretty clothes; such as many scientists like angela ziegler or dr. liao were wont to do. jesse never liked that not only did she rub him the wrong way, generally speaking, but the fact that her employment was a secret is something that jesse never agreed with—and was the first time that he and reyes butted heads (before rialto anyway). when he found out that moira was experimenting on some of the other blackwatch personnel he rose hell—but he never knew that reyes himself was part of those experiments.

Gerard Lacroix ⟶ jesse resected gerard and trusted his judgement. he felt definitely more like a boss that you wanted to be on your best behavior for and was shocked when he heard the news of his death; never mind the fact that his assassin was supposedly his own wife.

THE JOEL MORRICONE INTERLUDE (OVW TWILIGHT YEARS)

After the Venice or Rialto incident (used interchangably throughout Cage), Jesse McCree was sidelined from Overwatch as Blackwatch itself was dissolved. Because he is essentially in timeout for his role in the incident (never mind that he told Reyes this was a bad idea), Jesse decides to take time for himself and starts to travel on his own; creating the persona for himself Joel Morricone. Joel is the first truly civilian life that he's ever lived; but even then he can't help but involve himself in one of his best kept secrets, writing, by ending up becoming a journalist who especially defends Overwatch's actions. However, as bad influences begin to find the cracks in Overwatch's amror, he starts to wonder if he should strike out on his own as Joel Morricone for good.

IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS:

Lakeisha “Blue Jay” Thompson -> black canadian. As a jounalist who also sees the good in overwatch, after cashing in a few favors she unexpectedly meets one Joel Morricone at a bar after the press conference about the impending fate of ovw.One thing leads to another and they end up sleeping together, and then keep each other’s contact info and meet up a few more times. When lakeisha falls pregnant with their child. she debates heavily if she wants to keep it, or even tell Joel about it, yet, when overwatch is outlawed by the PETRAs act and she decides that she’s going to retire from journalism and consequently, keep the baby. she tries to reach out to Joel to tell him, but he seems to have all but disappeared and she wonders if its because of overwatch’s disbandment and because he was such a staunch supporter if he’s laying low to avoid the heat. she decides then to go back to canada and begins to raise their daughter on their own. something she does remember from the times that they were together is joel mentioning that justice was a family name for him, so she decides to name the baby when she’s born raleigh justice.

Raleigh Justice Thompson aka “RJ” — 4yo; Joel (or Cassidy tm) currenlty doesn't know she exists but Oh Boy when he finds out--

CURRENT CAGE/SCHISM ERA

When Overwatch implodes literally (with the explosion at Swiss HQ) and figuratively, Jesse McCree has no choice but to lay low, or face the music and turn himself into authorities. The Joel persona becomes an afterthought as he feels he needs to do something with this anger and misplaced frustration, so he ends up becoming a vigilante for a few years to earn money, and to take justice into his own hands in his own way, since the UN seems to have no interest in doing so. Things come crashing down when he's confronted about his true heritage by a contact he makes during this time, and are further complicated when Winston launches the recall. However, his guilt in his "old" age have begun to really gnaw at him--so he decides to go back; dropping his old monikers behind, and finally going by Cole Cassidy for the first time in his life.

[fieryvoid-scout]

Every time I have to clean a bright red sauce from a pot. I think about this one time when I used to be a dishwasher at a country club. Long story short, the head cook at the time who was kinda a tool (not to do with his cooking prowess, he could cook, he was just a dick) that did the whole “sign this waiver to eat the Super Hot Spicy Chicken Wings” thing, you know, as many do. Well a group came in one busy busy day and ordered a bunch of wings and one of them ordered the Super Hot Spicy “You’ll probably be crying on the toilet later” Carolina Reaper Sauce (that looked fucking scrumptious I might add, but I never did get to eat it.)

Anyway, they order it, he cooks it, it gets slid my way to clean it. Shouldn’t even be a thing — a thought even. Except the way I clean dishes is by rinsing them out with a high pressure water nozzle. (Basically blasting the shit off it with water and THEN washing it w/ soap etc.)

The quick among you may be left wondering…

Yes,

I basically aerosolized the entire kitchen full of fellow coworkers with Carolina reaper sauce, it was the funniest shit I’ve ever seen. It went like this:

At first I didn’t even realize there was a problem, sure it was a hot sauce, I was doing some coughs, but honestly it wasn’t that bad for me even with me being at the epicenter (for reference, I can handle spicy food, crave it even.)

But then the next thing I hear is the head cook coughing and sputtering and gagging after giving me more cooking utensils to wash on the far side of the dishwashing station. The poor bastard experiencing his creation in the least enjoyable manner. This is when it started to get comical because after this point the whole kitchen became consumed with the aerosol Carolina Reaper sauce, soon everyone was coughing, even the old grandpa line cook that was from mexico and always acted like stuff didn’t affect him kept having to “clearing his throat”.

By this point, all the waiters and waitresses are coughing too, beat red faces from trying to stop coughing and trying not to laugh at their coworkers faces while trying to work. Better outcome than expected really, at first I thought they’d be mad (we were having a busy day).

But obviously we’re making a bit of a commotion, so the event manager walks in to come see what’s going on, and I shit you not she took maybe three steps max into the kitchen and started gagging like a fish out of water. Trying to sputter out “What” Making us all burst out laughing all over again.

Probably my fondest memory of that place (it sucked, not the waiters tho they were cool), I want to do that to people again one day I feel like it’d be even funnier premeditated.

[evilovesyou]

THOUGHTS ON AOTV

The movie is a nice summary of the last several years, definitely, but for the fact that it is marketed towards fans, there are very little new insights into anything. @chaotic-bells said on discord "i have it in my head that it somehow it’s gonna be like a longer version of his stories on instagram" and it's a fairly accurate description of the touring parts of the film.

STRUCTURE

There were several things about the structure of the doc that seemed odd. In my memory the plot goes from 1D breaking up, to Louis' struggle with finding himself during difficult times (the losses he suffered), and then it essentially turns into a tour documentary.

There is not a single word about Two of Us in the part about Jay and Fizzy, despite that having been another major set back I think.

They don't mention the Away From Home Festival at all. It seems so odd not to talk about this huge accomplishment and him fulfilling this dream of his... Yes, there's a whole documentary about the first one, but there was a whole other festival since since then and it just seemed very odd not to mention it at all. (Especially since I think that he's going to announce AFH Mexico soon.)

THE CREW AND THE BAND

One of the nicest moments of the film is when Louis takes a day off with the band and they sit down and talk about how different it is touring with Louis vs. touring with other artists and that they feel close like a proper band.

Oli is definitely a contender for main character of this entire thing with how witty, funny and genuine he seems. (I'm paraphrasing here but: "I'm something of a touring PA for Louis, trying to keep his life together... But I'm not very good at it.")

THE FAMILY / FREDDIE

I think the most touching parts of the entire thing are talking about Jay. Louis' grandparents get really emotional and I think everyone in the theater shed at tear at his grandpa crying when trying to explain how close they were. Lottie speaks about how she and Louis tried to help Fizzy but they ulimately feel like they failed her.

Interesting about this is that at first the parts about his family and Freddie are completely seperate, but then later they show a few pictures and talk about how they see him like once a year, while Louis spends a lot of time with him in LA.

To be honest the parts with Freddie seemed fairly genuine and sweet to me. I kept thinking "oh, Louis is so cute with kids" and Freddie genuinenly seems like a very sweet child. The bit where he's at his show in LA with his little sign was very cute. I don't believe the whole thing, but at least now I'm fairly certain that this is something that will stay in place. No end in sight. (Though they did play coacoac after both parts about the kid LOL)

CAMPING OUT

One thing that stood out to me from the documentary was the insane amount of time they spent talking to fans about camping out for several days before shows. The point was probably to underline the dedication within the fandom or whatever, but the entire bit was so uncomfortable to watch. It was encouraging this behaviour, which is 1) a thing only people with certain privileges can do and 2) breaking the rules that venues and promoters set.

Instead of focusing on that for what felt like about 10 minutes, they could've talked to people organizing fan projects for the shows. They didn't even have to say anything about the rainbows (which they never even mentioned in any way despite them being front and center in almost every shot of the crowd LOL). There were several other projects they could've talked about. They could've interviewed the people who came up with the KMM lights for example.

(Also they interviewed US-American fans on what it was like to go to shows in LATAM and they said "it's very different, they just have so much fun even in the very back" or something like that and we all just looked at each other like WTF are you on about? You can always have fun in the back of a show LOL)

SPECIAL MOMENTS / EASTER EGGS

The first thing that was really funny to me was right at the beginning when Louis talks about his time in the band and he mentions "the friendships, the bonds, the relationship" or something along those lines? I was like the relationship singular??

There was a moment where they show Harry and Louis hugging and several people audibly gasped and then the entire theater started giggling.

I didn't notice this during the film, but apparently they show a license plate that says "HS-FR-258" ??

At the very end of the movie, during the credits, they play OOMS and a bunch of people in the theatre got up and went down in front of the screen to dance which was ADORABLE.

[aestheticvoyage2024]

Day 69b: Saturday March 9, 2024 - "Banff Date"

Audrie first took me to the FOX for Summit Hut's Banff Film Festival back in Spring 2015. And we've been trying to come every year since - though its been a little harder recently, and that vibe a little further from our reality. But we came back tonight, looking for a little nibble at Mother Nature's teet, try to bring some of the ghosts of greatness back in this new season of our lives. We climbed up into the top back row, right down the middle - with no one else crammed in on any side of us - like we had it all mostly to our selves. Grandpa Bill and Rosanne worked on bedtime for us back at home as we watched shorts about climbing, and expeditions. Nothing really earth moving this year. My favorite was a couple of chicks that free climbed a big peak in Mexico. We both struggled with the French Canadian feature. And while I was sure Id win something in the drawing this year, still no luck. "Its not as good as years past" I lamented on the way home - but then, neither am I. Really need to get back in it and make my own adventures, especially if whats in Banff isn't doing it for me anymore! All that aside, it was nice to be out with my best friend Audrie and I wished we could do this more often or have more time together like this. I thought of that every time I reached over and held her hand, and kept that out in the forefront as we stressed about getting out the door, that really the whole thing is just a blessing and I was committed to having fun with it. Especially the part about eating take out tacos on our patio after checking in on William fast asleep in our bed. We've got everything just right, right now.

Song: Sofi Tukker - Drinkee

Quote: "Promise me you will not spend so much time treading water and trying to keep your head above the waves that you forget, truly forget, how much you have always loved to swim." Tyler Knott Gregson

[therubyreader]

My Review of Gods of Jade and Shadow

See a full list of my book reviews here

*Disclaimer: there will be spoilers later on in the review*

After months of waiting (since November) I was finally able to get my hands on Gods of Jade and Shadow by Silvia Moreno-Garcia and after all of that anticipation I finished the book in 5 hours and 45 minutes because I lack self control, and also self preservation skills because I stayed up late into the night reading when I had to be up early for work in the morning. I will admit I, probably like many others, was convinced to read the book because of people comparing Hun-Kame to Tenoch Huerta’s portrayal of Namor in Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, and honestly I get it. Also I am a little biased because I’m Mexican so I’ll absolutely love any sort of Mexican media that gains popularity in the US, in solidarity, but this book was honestly very enjoyable without my biases. Before reading this my knowledge of Mayan mythology was pretty much nonexistent (with the exception of the little bit they included in Black Panther) which is due in part to being a victim of the American public school system but also because my family is from central Mexico which was the home of the Aztec empire so I’m much more familiar with Aztec mythology and language (technically it’s called Nahuatl). I did enjoy learning more about the mythology of one of the other great empires in Mexico and I’m glad more people are willing to read stories from my culture.

I totally recommend this book to anyone who’s interested in a coming of age story mixed with a mythological quest wherein a sheltered girl accidentally frees the Mayan god of death from her grandpa’s bedroom and they must go on a quest through Mexico to retrieve the missing pieces of his body in order to restore him to his throne plus some romance. Now I do have to mention there are some content/trigger warnings for the book (and also for the spoiler part of my review): self-harm, suicide but in the form of human sacrifice, animal sacrifice, physical and verbal abuse, colorism, racism, blood, and violence. If you are not comfortable with any of those topics please do not read this book.

As someone who has been a fan of Percy Jackson for the past decade (excuse me while I have a moment of feeling old) I loved the quest aspect of this story, god takes a mortal on a quest across the country is an underrated but wonderful genre. Is my only experience with this genre all of the Rick Riordan books and also now this one? Yes, but we’re not getting into specifics here. The fact that I got to see that trope with gods from my culture and mentioning places in Mexico I’m familiar with plus a main character that I imagine looks like me to a certain extent was something that healed part of my inner child. I’m a sucker for good Mexican representation and this book gave me exactly what I wanted plus written in a style that is authentically Latin American. This was also a pretty decent introduction to Mayan mythology, it’s very complex and this book made it easy enough to understand for someone like me who came into it without any prior knowledge. But I will add this here, if I see one more of you use Aztec imagery when you make edits for this book I will scream about it. 

When I first put the book on hold I didn’t know that it was written by the same author who wrote Mexican Gothic, one of my favorite books I read last year and when I realized this I was even more excited to read it. Based on the only other book of hers I’d read I knew she had mastered the Latin American writing style that I was so used to reading from all of the literature classes I took in college, but in English, extremely poetic with multiple meanings and metaphors laced through it. I absolutely love this style of writing and I find that it’s hard to replicate in English translations of Spanish works because despite Spanish being my first language and my whole entire degree in it I am a little dumb when it comes to literature and understanding deeper meanings and it’s easier for me to understand them in English but I still struggle a bit. Luckily for me Silvia Moreno-Garcia is great at writing in this style and it makes the stories she tells that much more enjoyable.

This writing style also really complimented the way that Casiopea and Hun-Kame feel about each other, she’s an extremely sheltered 18 year-old girl from a very conservative society in pretty conservative time period who has no idea what it means to fall in love trying to explain her own emotions with a god who has, up until that moment, been incapable of feeling love how mortals do and not knowing how to express it. The way they use poetic metaphors when they’re trying to figure out their own emotions or even trying to tell the other how they feel really emphasizes the fact that they are both experiencing love for the first time and don’t know how to handle it. The line “I want to count the stars with you” being a substitute for “I love you” was honestly very beautiful and maybe I rolled around in anguish about it (hey God, it’s me again). It also adds to the mythological and magical feel of the story, since this book is technically magical realism (someone please ask me more about magical realism especially in Latin American books because I can talk about it for hours) the writing style really plays into the “our world but not quite” aspect that’s hard to describe, you just have to experience it.

Again, if you can stomach the trigger/content warnings above I totally recommend the book to you, it’s a great example of Latin American literature and is written beautifully.

Spoilers Below!!!

Let’s start at the end. One of the main complaints I’ve noticed about this book is how it doesn’t have a traditional happy ending one would expect from books, the ending is more realistic and some people are mad about it. I’ll let you all in on a secret, this is a very typical ending in Mexican stories, honestly this was a much happier ending than traditional stories. If any of you have watched any Mexican movies or read any Mexican books (in Spanish), you’ll know what I mean, because we love tragedy. Mexicans have an obsession with death and with extremely sad, heart wrenching stories with a more realistic or even tragic ending, so you all got let off easy with this one. I’m sure most of you expected Casiopea to become a Mayan Persephone but it’s not something that was accurate to the character, she just left an abusive household where she hadn’t even traveled outside of her small town and then immediately becoming a pseudo-death goddess and not really being able to leave Xibalba wouldn’t be what she wanted. Sure, you can probably imagine some future plotline where after her death and living a fulfilling life she accepts that role, but it’s not super realistic. She would probably meet a man on her adventures with Lorey and fall in love and get married or the idealist in me wants to think Casiopea and Hun-Kame would meet later in life and fall in love again. But within the parameters of the story and the characters Casiopea got the best deal she could’ve hoped for, freedom, a new friend, the ability to speak every language ever, and summon ghosts alongside some pearls she could sell for money (which I doubt she will do). 

I would also like to think that Casiopea and Hun-Kame would remain friends, or as close to friends as you can be with a death god, they did love each other and flowers started blooming in Xibalba after Hun-Kame became a god again so the love wasn’t completely lost. Again, the idealist in me would want to believe that Hun-Kame is eventually able to love Casiopea in the same way he did when he was part human but it would take some time. Either way they both got a pretty decently happy ending and no one died, a win especially in stories like this. 

My main complaint about this story is just how fast everything went. We really had no time to get to know how the characters were being shaped by the quest since they jumped from one location to the other and did very little in each place. You would think that Casiopea would’ve at least taken a little bit of time in each place to really explore, and even when she did the author didn’t let us experience that with her. I was genuinely excited to hear more about how those locations looked back in the 20s but was very disappointed when we got only a little bit of that knowledge. Also it would’ve been nice to learn more about how society was shaped by the revolution in day to day life, though there were some mentions of it I think hearing a little more would’ve been nice. 

Also I think the quest was too easy. Yes they were racing against the clock but the way Hun-Kame was easily able to track down every single part of his body and get it back with very little fight was also a bit disappointing. I had expected and hoped for more of a fight when they were going around trying to retrieve the body parts, or even a little more intervention from Vucub-Kame since it felt like he was just letting his brother do whatever he wanted. I honestly felt like he did the bare minimum to try and stop his brother from succeeding, though he does admit he underestimated Casiopea but in all honesty she does very little apart from keeping Hun-Kame alive. 

I also would’ve liked the romance aspect to be explored a little more, because Casiopea and Hun-Kame go from pretty much strangers to kind of flirting to in love with little explanation as to why. We do see it a bit from Casiopea’s point of view because she talks a lot about how handsome Hun-Kame is and how he’s really the first man to show her any attention and the only person aside from her parents who really cares for her, but I don’t think we really see the love story from Hun-Kame’s point of view until right at the end. He does mention how he finds her attractive but, at least for me, the jump from attraction to full on wanting to abandon his throne and immortality and let his brother’s plans succeed thus causing tons of death and destruction for her is pretty abrupt. He fully decides to give up everything he’s worked so hard to gain for her and it’s cute but also very strong emotions for such a short time they’ve spent together. 

Overall I think that the book and the concept were really original and enjoyable. I would still say that Mexican Gothic is still my favorite book by Silvia Moreno-Garcia and as far as I know, this being her first attempt at writing something based on mythology but in the real world, it was really good. I do love her writing style a lot and will definitely be reading more of her books in the future and I do kind of hope that she does something similar based on Aztec mythology next solely because I would like to see her take on it. 

[mlc12]

Growing Up

Growing up I never had a lot my mom had to get food stamps, took late nights  shifts which basically me and my brother were home alone most of the time but my mom would still have the energy to give us something to eat. Growing up in the ghetto were hard and nice times. I grew up in a one room apartment where my mom and my dad would take care of me and my brother who is a year younger than me. My parents could get a apartment and not a house for us is cause there are immigrants from Mexico and came to the America for a new life. But after my dad left us for another women when I was at the age of 5 things were hard on all of us. My mom would was pregnant with my sister had to take up another job and would have to take me and my brother while she was pregnant with my sister. As well as giving up that one room for we can pay the rent for that apartment and we had to sleep on the floor. I would visit my dad sometimes and after on visit when he dropped us off to our mom he said that wanted to be back with my mom. But she said no as she didn’t want to experience that toxic relationship and abuse she had with my dad and that was the best decision she ever made. After my dad left my mom meet my stepdad after I broke our toliet and he was the one who repaired it. And they started to date and he was a amazing guy and he cared about us a lot.

As I said before I grew up in the ghetto and there was nice but like there somethings that made my mom decided to move us from there to where I live now. But there I had some nice times like enjoying a alote with a raspado on those hot summer days and the truck that would come with Furit, candy and snacks and those were some good times Americans have doordash and uber eats to get there food but that truck was the original. And the people there were nice mostly cause there were mostly hispanics and latinos but still I felt like a nice community. I went to the local elementary school there and made nice friends there. But good things had to come to end and my mom with the money she had borrowed from my grandpa had enough to get a moblie home. And we moved from a nice latino community to a mostly white city. Don’t get me wrong I like living here but there are somethings I miss that they don’t have here. But I still visit my hometown from time to time and enjoy the time I spend there. But I’m not that poor hispanic kid anymore. I worked hard for the things I got and now I’m going to High School taking college classes and getting a new phone. And this prove something that working hard pays off now i’m starting High School and I going to finish it and graduate so then I could make my mom and stepdad proud for all the sacrifices and challenges they had to face to provide for me and my siblings.

[the-firebird69]

Kiss of the Dragon • movie clip • The girl kills the Chinese, Johnny tak...

This is what they try and do to Tommy F and he's trying to take over everything it and he has a huge force and he is not really utilizing it well And it gets a lot of people mad and I guess he was Stalin and stuff. And Sarah isn't in a lot of movies this is her daughter attacking Tommy F she is dressed up as Didn't find a Mac that they have it's Bridget Fonda they're in a lot of trouble. And they're going after the head guys and they're sitting on us our head person now we're sick of this stupid **** this guy gets messed up by everybody. And it's Trump we're talking about he gets killed all the time we're doing this stuff he never gets the information he's a huge honking loser and she loses the locket to her daughter what brings it home to America. And she was gonna wear and found out everybody knew how to hide it somewhere it goes on a journey from the states to the Owls and it is quite a journey and it is decent one no they try and ruin it and contaminate it to try and use those protection. And people can't stand them anymore. But she's in a chain of movies that are all connected. She is in this movie with Jet Li and they get into it over their heads again and the Chinese are let in they use them as an ave into areas that they have and they think it's a good deal and they start to get their **** handed to them fairly quickly and they have some plan that involves foreigners and running everything and they do not have that ability and they started failing and this is coming up real quick that's why I was saying it and the locket came up real quick recently. There is a sequence to it france is having a general election of everyone except the president and BG his status is going to be affected people do not want trump in and there's a limited war going on so they kind of set her daughter up and she got into a fight with Tommy F which is bad and it is not good they are in a lot of trouble fairly quickly and they get polished off quite a lot and it doesn't work and they fight over everything after that because of his attacks on France people start to hit him and today they're going after him and it will take a few weeks but they're gonna get hammered. Actions like this attract a lot of hits. Actually he kills her we posted the movie and what happens and she dies and is buried and people say she's found late and she is found late she's in that mound and she's at deaf woman who's threatening her son the whole time and she called Social Security. And she's an ungrateful **** he helped her with things and helped to survive and what he got was nothing. Accept aggravation and threats of disease and other things the whole time she was threatening him it was very strange in moving in there.

Thor Freya

We don't have this relationship thinking about and he says no we don't I saved you you didn't save me you put me through hell anything that I paid for everything by being threatened like every stupid **** from Calcutta.. It's absolutely true and I went out of this this is a dumb thing to do and we're fighting over him and bother him harassing him I said one plane in Milford I don't wanna be here at all and when I'm outta here and it was someone helping him out so I see them pushed around and he knows about it it wasn't that bad Lot of times I'm calm down but really there's a lot of threats around him and he says once the Max Steward more severe but they're bleeding through a clan like madness and we don't have a brain. Not a real one and I got severely injured from the fall and finally heal up in this **** trump is doing it and he's my grandpa and I have to get rid of him. But stuff is very cheesy it always has been it's not right for us to be upfront and he insists on it because he's a massive loser. And he's saying stupid things now and I know that he's trying to help me in Mexico and doesn't look good he says I think I go on to Egypt and if he says these kind of things I'm gonna get him the hell out of there and he says why not have Emily do it and she's a girl that looks like you and I found nothing this crap

tricia

Olympus

[mina-van1104]

😍Here's pictures of me & all my family!😁❤️Recently I've been feeling really stressed & sad but look what came in the mail: here is my extra beautiful, baby niece my beautiful older sister gave birth to back in April 2024-2 months ago. Makes me so happy!😃😭

My niece is extra adorable she also has dark blue eyes-like my dad & my grandma who have true blue eyes Even though my dad put he has brown eyes on his driver's license for decades because he wants to follow his father-my grandpa.

I only have permanent blue eyes because I got them done in Mexico back a couple years ago (& no, my blue eyes are not colored eye contacts). I tell some strangers I was born with blue eyes because I don't really know them & it's just easier & shorter than to explain everything hahaha. Hope my niece's eyes stays dark blue forever. Pictures don't do justice.

All eye colors are beautiful though. If her eye color changes naturally, I hope her eyes turn green like my brother-in-law's (Adam's) eyes. I had a classmate who told me her baby had blue eyes & when she was 3 her eyes turned permanently green. I think green eyes are the prettiest in my opinion.😍

My brother-in-law has green eyes. My niece is so lovable & is also half white & half asian 😍🤩. Hope my family has a happy, long, healthy, prosperous, life. 🩷

Also, close or not close anymore family members- you will always be family & I'll always support & love you. Also one of my baby second cousins I used to babysit at cousin Monica's, she's graduating from high school from Bishop Manogue Catholic High School! We don't have the same last name. Congratulations! 🩷Where did the years go! 😭

Song played on Instagram is called "Love you, Miss You, Mean It" by Luke Bryan!🩷

Always needing some prayers again.🙏 I, Mina Van 文风英 Woon Foong Yin (in Hakka Chinese).Nevada born & raised.Proud nurse, coach. Family living in Nevada for 45 (forty-five) years.Spread kindness.❤️

In the name of the Guan Yin, Ong Lee (meaning Buddha in Hakka Chinese langauge), Yay-Su (Jesus Christ), Ty-uh- ma (Mother Mary Virgin Mother Mary)

In the name of Jesus, Amen!🙏

Then my other successful blood-related family of doctors in my family,🇺🇸veterans,doctors,nurses,coaches,news reporter,lobbyist,good singers,dancers,good photographers, good writers,artists,a cop,a dentist,teachers, etc.Mixed family of Asians & white people.Spread Kindness.

Again, half of our family is Asian half our family is white. Even-though my parents look Asian we have some Chinese, Vietnamese, Native American, small portions of French, German descent, Ashkenazi Jewish descent DNA Ancestry

✞♡ # Selfie # Nurse # Coach # NativeNevadan # StopAsianHate # Biden2024💙 # JesusChrist 🦂 # Buddha # GuanYin # MotherMary # NevadaBornAndRaised # HakkaChineseRaised # ProChoice (though, in politics) # Equality # Justice # Healthcare # Running 🏃🏻‍♀️ # NevadaNative # athletic # HomeMeansNevada # Nevada # UNRnevadaAlumnaMay2016 # 3collegeDegrees # 3MedicalLicenses

•2019:OlderSisterCatherineVan&Adam Schwartz’sWedding&TheirWebsiteOn: https://www.theknot.com/us/catherine-van-and-adam-schwartz-aug-2019•ReminiscingMoreThan200PeopleCame.

[7perqs]

ok i love over sharing so lately i’ve been reminiscing on the time when my mom took back her custody of me, flew us out to mexico and left me on my grandpa’s ranch for a few months 😊😊 she was just like bye i’ll be right back BUT NEVER CAME BACK!! my grandpa just eventually bought me a plane ticket back to the us a couple of months later cuz skating sxn was coming up and my mom needed the money that i would win from comps lol

[arianahrizzo]

Unpacking Us & Out There Screaming

I shared with a friend that I watched the movie US. His first reaction was, “Are you living under a rock — how in the world are you only now watching the US.” After he got over that shock he asked me what I thought the movie meant. This was my message reply: “I think it has different meanings. One is that we bury parts of ourselves so deeply because who we truly fear is ourselves, but at the end of the day we can’t escape ourselves. I liked the ending because I feel like the little boy knew something was up with his “real” mom. And I think it’s also about othering and how one group can only thrive if the other suffers.” The theme of privilege and what it means to stand on the shoulder of those who came before us really stood out to me. After Professor’s Due shared about her mom and inspiration for “The Rider,” I first thought about privilege in relation to my parent’s and the sacrifices they had to make so that I would not have to. I often associate sacrifice to my ancestors and people that came before me. However, in the US, I saw a different take on privilege, meaning that it is not only those who came before us that had to suffer for us to thrive but also people alongside us (in the present and in ourselves) who are suffering instead of us. I think this is what the meaning of the tethered speaks on. 

From watching Get Out, and paralleling it to the US, I focused on the fact that something that seems like a singular problem like the Rose’s parents and brother in Get Out and the first doppelganger family, actually turn out to be much larger issues. I think this speaks to systemic issues, like incarceration and detention in this country. One question I had after watching Get Out was if the doppelgangers would've known another world exists if it wasn’t for the real Adelaine.

Both of my parents were born in Mexico and came to the United States at different points in their lives. The short story, “Dark Home” made me reflect on my immigrant background and cross-cultural experiences. My grandparents had a house in Mexico and after my grandpa passed, my dad remodeled it and put in a camera so he can keep an eye on it when we are not there. There was a period in which my dad kept getting alerts on his phone that there was movement in the house. When he would check the app, all we would see was a light moving around. They sent my aunt and other people to investigate to see if it could be an external source making the light or camera go off. Everyone, including my dad (who is the most non-believer in ghosts and spirits that I know), concluded it was just my grandpa’s spirit visiting his home. I was so shocked that nobody else was freaking out the way I was. “Dark Home” made me remember that there are many traditions and “creencias” (beliefs), especially ones that involve death and grief, that are so common to my culture, and that I often neglect living in this country.

[beckleysbooks]

When The Party's Over

Here it is, the end of October, Halloween to be exact. Tomorrow many across the Southwestern part of the US and Mexico will celebrate Dia De Los Muertos - The day of the dead. Then, that wraps up the Summer and Fall festivals for another year. And, what a season it has been for me, it was pretty much being somewhere new each week with my inaugural book tour and promoting my historical fiction about my 3rd great grandmother, "Oh! Susannah". All good things must come to an end, so they say.

The tour started on March 4th at a Local Author's event in Canton, Ohio. That giddy beginning had me reminiscing back to my youth, when I was just a little further east on State Route 30, in Minerva, Ohio. Each early summer the "Minerva Homecoming" would occur in Brock Park, situated nicely beside the Little Sandy River; creek actually. Anyway, the rides and concessions would start to arrive late on Saturday night and on through Sunday, with an anticipated "opening" of Monday evening, after the Firemen's Parade. How did they expect kids to wait that long when you could see from the road, just along the creek, a hub of activity. I was never allowed to go onto the park grounds, only viewing from a safe distance on my bike. The anticipation! And, this similar anticipation is what had me eager to start what turned out to be, an eight-month book tour.

My wife and I were traveling to Perryville, Kentucky about three weeks ago, when while at an Ohio Interstate rest stop, I show my wife where my travels this year had taken me. My left arm extended to the middle of the state, and formed the western boundary, while my right arm lie horizontally at the southern boundary of Cadiz, Ohio. Admittedly, we were taken back by the visual of the whole of Northeast Ohio!

Yes, it's been a great tour. I've met so many interesting people who have generously shared their stories and experiences with me. I've learned so much and equally have made every effort to share my knowledge of what it was like to live as a woman in the 19th century. Then, there were all the stories about Susannah's brothers' Civil War service. My hope is that I've given to others as much as they have shared with me. And, in the process, hundreds of signed copies of "Oh! Susannah" have exchanged hands.

It seems appropriate that the last outdoor event, The Algonquin Mill Festival, was held about 5 miles west of where Susannah's story takes place. I have such fond memories of my grandmother, Wilda Beckley, dressing up as a pioneer woman and knitting with all of her other lady friends, mind you in all kinds of weather, at the Mill Festival. I sat through days of rain too as fate would have it.

From the Algonquin Festival, I met people from my hometown and was also introduced to a locally renowned historian, John Davis. Our initial meeting led to John introducing me to Ralph Brackin about a week later. Ralph, who by the way will turn 97 early next year, and John provided me with their knowledge of Union Township, which will be "the home" of my sequel, "A novelization of John Hiram Beckley".

John Davis with the help of another local author and historian, Janice Lane, had me walking through the tree-studded, land-locked property that my grandfather's grandfather, John Hiram Beckley, once owned. Looking at it today, I have no idea how John Hiram farmed this piece of land. It was John Davis' great grandfather who owned the adjacent property directly north of this plot. John told of how his family's land was swallowed up with the creation of the man-made Leesville Lake. Memories came flooding back to me as we pulled into the Leesville boat ramp, the very spot 50 + years ago I had tenuously held on to the rope that kept my grandpa's boat "tethered" while he parked the car and trailer. A quick stop for bait - minnows and maggots - as we grew our own earthworms back then, and we motored off on to the lake with gramp's 5 horse power engine for a day of fishing!

Research, writing and memories have been the foundation and success of my first publication, and now that the fair and festival season is officially over, these very things will provide me the path forward to write my next book.

If by chance you do not currently own your own copy of "Oh! Susannah", you can do so by visiting my website: www.beckleysbooks.com Til next week, when I will blog again, cheers!