#my holes do have a purpose!
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Just casually summoning different fandoms to my blog. This is as caught up as I can be for now, I don’t have any access to India ink at the moment but I will try!
Day 11: Wander
#the spot#Spider-Man#across the spiderverse#it’s that one part#my holes do have a purpose!#inktober day 11#Inktober#my silly little posts#my art stuff
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*FONTAINE SPOILERS*
Y'all laugh at the fact that Tartaglia randomly falling into the Abyss one day as a kid ended up being the catalyst for Fontaine's eventual predicted destruction but all this means is that from the start Tartaglia was intended to fall into the Abyss and become a Harbinger and thus has always been doomed by the narrative
#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#kind of helps line up his story i think#gives it more purpose than just “he fell in a hole by accident and that hole happened to be the frickin pits of the underworld”#doomed to fall into the abyss and wake up the whale. doomed to be trained by skirk and become a harbinger and eventually meet the traveler#DO YOU SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS#i'm honestly so so curious if they're gonna have him start to doubt his values eventually#i am desperately hoping he has a moment where he has to choose when we inevitably fight the tsaritsa#AND HECK I HOPE HE STICKS WITH US#i really don't want my boy to be SO doomed by the narrative that he frickin DIES >:(#people say he has a lot of death flags and that's kind of true but i think he's safe since he's a playable character#i know playability is totally different from the canon versions of the characters but still#it'd be quite strange to play as a dead guy who doesn't exist anymore and has no further value to the story#can't believe i'm gonna have to wait two frickin years for snezhnaya. unfair#anyway who's excited for the interlude chapter and the inevitable dainsleif comebaaaack
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you guys need to tell me if I ever go fully off the rails artistically. I won't change my actions or behavior but I should be informed about it
#lab notes#this is prompted by me waking up in the middle of the night thinking#'is it normal behavior to make comics this way? am I still abiding by the source material or have I lost the plot entirely'#'do people really want overly ambitious fancontent that occasionally nosedives into metacommentary and personal experience informing the art#'should I just stick to the goofy stuff'#but no. I'm committed to digging my hole in the earth#not a grave but a hole regardless. purposeful in its obsession#hey nobody's online this early in the day right
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can u guys rec me albums to listen to and uh. books please. Please
#music preferably in the vein of lizzy mcalpine bc it is so good for novel purposes#and books that completed if they're a series. and generally fast paced and high stakes. preferably with romance but not necessarily#just something to leave holes in my brain and have me throwing up at the edge of my seat#asks/replies/reblogs with tags all welcome whatever u feel like doing#seedpost
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I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.
#I dont feel like... safe or particularly fulfilled rn and i have major major mood swings at least once a week but its not like.#Bleak as fuck. I think the language of 'the world is without colour' never does it for me bc thats how id describe it when im out of it#but when im depressed my main feeling is that i am a person that was born without a soul whose main purpose in life is to kill myself#because i cant bear to do or think anything else. And like even talking about it while in that mental state feels incredibely like.#Like youre doing something disgusting because its a cry for attention or for help so you have to put it in a way that makes it clear that#you are not trying to escape your destiny by trying to convince someone you are worthy of living.#And then like. At some point you stop feeling like that and you forget about it...#until youre there again. and you forget what its like to not be in it. its crazyyyy to me its just crazy#barking#ultimately im very lucky.#Because i really dont believe you can just will yourself out of that hole i really think the enviroment is like 99% of it#and well i will prolly end up in that hole again maybe even this year. but maybe ill have something to pull me out#some ability to change the thing thats making me feel like that#and idk its so like. awful that that isnt always the case. sometimes youre just drowning in it and theres nothing#just my late night thoughts thats why i need that weed bad man
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Photo
There’s an activity I can help run at my job about creating a drawing of the aurora borealis with oil pastels, white paint, and construction paper, and I realized a way I could play with that medium.
Y’know, when they light up the sky in the northern hemisphere, they’re the aurora borealis, but in the southern hemisphere they are instead the aurora australis. And I guess you could say that if you use the aurora drawing materials to create fanart for @mawofthemagnetar‘s excellent Eldritch Horror Keralis AU, you could call it aurora keralis.
#eldritch horror keralis#keralis#hermitcraft#wow my art#look. as soon as i realized that pun it went from 'hey i could totally do this with these materials' to 'i HAVE TO do this'#it's meant to look like him just kinda chilling floating above a black hole#...and around a black hole too i guess#i made the on purpose decision that the construction paper was only gonna be used for the body and all the voidstuff would be pastel#bc it made sense#i might get a scan of this and upload that as well for a High Quality version since this is not digital#and it is a lil bit jank but that's ok we love it when things are a lil bit jank#this has been aquelon's artist notes#mcyt#a-post-lon
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I really went "Ah, Chikao and Tongbi don't do any kind of opposite swap like Wukong and Macaque do" as I was adding a song to Tongbi's playlist, then stopped and looked at the song and went "Oh. Wait."
#it's nothing as severe(?) but it happens nonetheless#I'm mildly losing my mind over it though#dang it I wasn't gonna put that much thought into it and now I'm mentally in a rabbit hole about it ahdhfbnwwksiud#and I can't share any of it because s p o i l e r s so I will continue to vaguely post around it#before I go back to working on the drawing I was doing for l o r e purposes#you get a hint and it's that Monkey's theory wasn't terribly far off#that's it that's the hint#will you notice inside this stupid ramble#unlikely#have it though#I have such a big headache but I love them so much#tealstars
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me realizing that my ocs and story ideas Dont have to have a huge devastating elaborate plotline is whats going to heal me
#i feel like i always get stuck on the plot bit of my ocs#and i never get past that huge hole so i never get to designing#and all the other good stuff#bc i felt like the story needed to be perfect before i ever do anything#but like#first of all you dont have to be done with ur story immediy#immediately#that shit takes time and love#BUT ALSO#there Doesnt need to be a huge complicated and insane plotline#dont get me wrong i LOOVEEE to read/watch those kinds of stories#thats why i was in that mind space in the first place#but ive been realizing that i usually gravitate to creating softer and more feel-good stories#a couple months ago i was ranting to my bestie abt this idea#and i told him literally all i could think of for a magic system and the characters and their back doties#storiws#but then i lit told him like... im not rlly sure where to take it plot wise#and proceded to give a bunch of half hearted plot ideas#and instead im scrapping that and just making a group of scavengers eith no huge purpose rlly#IM FREE ohhh designingn these fuckers is gonna be so fun#id apologize for eanting here in the tags but this is my HOUSE#blabbering
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#speak friend and enter#ok to rb#sorry for making a billion of these in a row i just think they're fun :^)#and for context about the blackmail thing: my old boss threatened to fire me for not following a policy that was never explained to me#so i threatened to file a whistleblower report about the numerous osha violations in the workplace that she was gaslighting ppl about#gail if you see this drink the moldy water that's probably still pouring out of the hole in the air conditioning duct and onto the carpet#and about the high five one me and micah creaturebrain have been friends since 2016 and cannot high five <3 we miss every time#like not on purpose either we genuinely can't seem to do it
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soulmate-ism ❤️
#am i joking? am i serious? who could say...#my qualm is not so much the style of acting or even the actors changed but seemingly the groundwork of this character#being disregarded and set aside#im fully a hater so believing this scene is cute means more coming from me.#i liked both that they depicted her as odd and her oddness chiming with his own oddness#bcus then by s3 she is just...serene and genteel. nothing else#i think it was interesting that she doesn't mention coa in s2 either and couldn't help wondering if this was an intentional choice?#catherine was#for one something that seemed to bond the group she became part of#(which is something they seem to omit it is just...the seymour faction. of seymours. and charles brandon. no one else)#but for another technically would have been an obstacle to her advancement. so if the omission was purposeful that (could) have been#masterful... they of course ruin that by s3 again lol#im assuming what they were going for was jane modeling her queenship upon catherine's in s1 by having her suddenly#express such admiration for her but this presents its own host of ...not plot holes persay but character gaps? i suppose?#(this has been theorized and that she succeeded is doubtful. it's not like henry's response to the may day riots intercession was similar)#namely: how does this square with jane's seeming devotion and idealization of henry in s3? she thinks the world of him and constantly#seems to be let down by him and expect better of him...but were she such a devotee of his first wife. whom he banished. then why?#another thorny issue they refused to grapple with by just eliding s3: she might have thought the world of him because*#of what was done to anne. in the vein of reginald pole#ridding himself of the 'heretical evil'. they sort of try to do this by a transference case; suddenly jane hates cromwell even tho he was#instrumental in her rise...?#they didn't have the confidence to explore that ; however. even though it would've been better continuity#bcus in s2 jane seems happiest in diminishing her rival.#and they didn't really give any of the complexity they did to AB...this sort of brash confidence and steady and public reviling of her riva#followed by these scenes of anxiety and fear ; like with her sister overlooking coronation sketches#instead she just becomes...serenely sad. somehow. surprised that henry has a mistress.#(i mean. cute being a relative term. jane is cute. henry is baring his teeth and doesn't seem to display much in the way of ...warmth?#could have actually been something really interesting done here...idk how accurate. but interesting#'as lancelot worshipped guinevere' is a fantasy...and not one that ends in marriage between the two#just as 'maitresse en titre' (i mean...it was a title for a reason...but) was a fantasy outside marriage
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ok dont laugh this is embarrassing but to the moms of tumblr, what age a toddler does usually begins to
explore / crawl
walk
babbles words
#listen i have knowledge about robots and black holes but smol babies are a big unknown to me#FOR RESEARCH PURPOSE *gestures at my wip*#and then i will have to do the Tolkien maths to translate this as elvish / maiar babies#my flight back home is delayed so 🙃
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kogoro is one of my favorite characters, but i never post about him because i never have thoughts about him. i just like him
#i do have a conspiracy theory about how he was raised but i don't know if his parents ever get talked about#i think that guy was abused basically..#i also think he's brilliant but his unhealthy coping mechanisms hold him back#i'm not sure how he could clean up his act though because japan's mental health resources seem so bad..😭#kogoro mouri#dcmk#he's so good at researching; like conan makes fun of him for making little cheat sheets and not just remembering stuff but NOT EVERYBODY#HAS ENCYCLOPEDIC MEMORY LIKE YOU LITTLE DUDE#research was harder in the 90s and he puts a lot of work into compiling reliable info on pretty obscure/specific topics#he's also fantastic at poking holes in other detectives' theories#he makes certain their reasoning is air tight by making them find evidence to support nearly every claim they make#it may or may not be on purpose but it ends up helpful either way#it can seem like he's getting in the way but finding flaws in the reasoning is so important#he does have a tendency to look at things from a psychological perspective (instead of a physical evidence one) and can fill in conan's#blind spots#he also reminds me of my mom because he's a P.I. and a natural marksman :>
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#tumblr user binnie makes a triumphant return!#Y'AAAAAAALL you're not gonna believe the HURDLES I had to get through to reach you#I spent several minutes preparing a week long queue only to realize that I was still in my old blog SAJFHSDGS#oh god and then I spent like 15 whole minutes (not a hyperbole for comedic purposes) trying to find the fucken log out button AJDHASJF#AND THEN I forgot my password lmaaaaaaaao#all of this to get back to you because I missed you and I treasure you [heart emojis]#yo these past months have been INSANE but not insane as in fun i mean insane as in my mental health plummeted lmao#like it hit the ground and then dug a larger hole to bury itself in it dsfdsh#also this master's degree is taking years out of my life#but we gucci worry not#these are existential musings#anyway Y'ALL!!!! hope you've been doing good#hopefully I'm back for good (or at least this time I won't make a worrisome text post and disappear for a good six months sdfhsafhsg)#missed this community of ours#and now!!! off to queueing
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...
#sometimes i feel like my brain is disintegrating in my head. coming apart like a lump of paper in a pool of water#it comes with this weird feeling of vertigo. like i turn my head and my thoughts are spinning too fast. they keep going despite my standing#still. its also a but when you start drinking something and when u stop your thoughts r hazy and ur breathing is heavy#maybe thats not a universal experience. sometimes when i stop i realize ive slipped half out of my body#and now im stumbling from day to day trying desperately to remember all the things im supposed to be managing#but there are these big holes in my brain. like im missing chunks of grey matter. the bits that would let me stop and start things#i dunno. when im taking measurements i have this image of myself on my knees holding the fragrance pieces of my life together as they#crumble thru my fingers and my insides shrivle away from the walls that contain them. i go hollow like a gord#and ppl say oh ur so passionate abt what u do. and i go brittle bc it doesnt feel like passion it feels like the symptom of an illness#i dont care. im just trying to burn the hours away. make time vanish. and for what? what am i building toward? i have an answer that i give#interviewers but i dunno i never thought id make it this far. but here we r. unhappy and lacking in purpose. its just that this last year#was so weird bc about a year ago i burned out so hard that i never recovered and it just got worse and worse. i feel now that ive stopped#the bleeding at least but the bitterness is still there. still infecting my words and curving my spine around the injury#and in theory i understand the path to healing but its hard when im just so. i dont even kno. angry? im not mad but the word feels right#but i dunno what id be angry about. maybe im just sick of empty tasks and not caring. i used to have passion and enthusiasm now i just feel#fragile and hurt. bracing for pain. and that makes me so sad. i wish i could go out into the woods and wander. just breathe#but no. instead ill start another day identical to 100 others and hope to keep my head above the surface bc im sick of swallowing sea water#anyway. itll b fine. hopefully this week i can commit to a program. hopefully. another program halfway across the country. this time#vertically. landing me still 2 time zones from home. but hopefully there i can breathe a little. maybe. hopefully. well see#unrelated
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I didn't like blade at first for some reason. too edgy and emo and seemed generic like a sasuke (I never liked sasuke lmao) when I learned about yingxing, I really liked him but still didn't like blade. now I like both for some reason even if yinxing is a dumbass who did this to himself. but blade grew on me somwhow, and someone really needs to gently hold him or something. that poor man. he's so broken. give him a break 😭
#why do i often end up like the sad tragic characters#sometimes even ones that do evil shit because i feel bad for them or something lmao#lee text#hsr#if they really wanna make us sad they can end game give him a purpose and reason to live but then make him die permanently 😈#because its what he askd for all this time ans its granted to him and he realizes in the end he made a mistake and isnt ready yet#(i doubt theyll do that but it would amuse me to see people's reactions fbfdhjsj)#i doubt blade will have a happy ending and it would be weird if they dont end him at the end#also dan heng needs a hug. hes also a mess and wont leave his room right now fhdjjdjjsjs#i hope he can open up to his friends more at some point and they become closer and rely on each other more?????#he has hope of moving on with them. but what if he also ends up tragically ending fhfdhjddj blade still wont let him go#tbh ive kinda lost faith in the writers writing a good story. they rush things and everything is disconnected and many holes#so idk if it'll end up being a good story at this point 😅 maybe my expectations are too high for this type of game idk#but they did show good potential and kinda threw it away imo fhbfdjjdjdkd#what am i rambling about
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seriously wonder sometimes what it's like if and when cis male actors come across porn art of their characters that gives them p**** bc ngl that's a whole different level than top surgery scars and the general concept of being trans and frankly I would not blame them for being really uncomfortable with the knowledge that a not insignificant number of ppl are doing that
#im trans so its different but if i was an actor and ppl made fanart of my character#having a you know what#i think id track them down and kill them lol#like top surgery scars just change 'he's like this naturally' to 'he's like this on purpose'#different thing than drawing someone with a whole set of genitals that they do not have#js that's gotta be SO surreal for any actors who happen to see it#and yes ngl the person mainly in my thoughts is con o'neill#with the sheer amount of ppl drawing him with a v******#he's been openly supportive of trans izzy art in terms of top scars#and there's no way he's totally ignorant to the front hole izzy stuff#i just genuinely wanna know what his thoughts are#personal
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