#my mom isn't even the problem just i feel the need to defend her a little bit

[threadmonster]

I am gonna have an unfun end to pride month so if anyone wants to wish my luck in formally coming out to my mother feel free to do so! (⁠・⁠–⁠・⁠;⁠)⁠ゞ

[firesnap]

i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

[dairy-farmer]

I call this the Highlander Au! >:Dc There can Be Only One! (Unless he REALLY enjoys the process and the world stops going to shit for like... FIVE god damned minutes!) (The second is sadly unlikely)

Tim? Fully Cis gendered male. Not terribly ATTACHED to this, physically, but certainly identifies as Male and has a male body.

Maybe it's been all the near misses. The "all my friends fuckin DIED on my and I mentally spiraled like you wouldn't believe". Could be him finally reclaiming his life. Or yet another horrible mental spiral. Who knows!

But he's decided.

He wants to be a Dad. *sound of various Bats choking and/or dropping things*

Is even seeing anybody? Nope. How the FUCK is he gonna get a baby?! Oh, normal, Bat Paranoid fashion. Cloning tube. Same way Damian happened. He just needs to figure out the maternal DNA and he's golden. Figure out where to hide his tech to stop Villainous Baby Snatching Plots.

Because that's a very real concern.

No you can't talk him out of this. Timmy want himself a baby. Is already designing a nursery and studying child development books. Parenting manuals, getting those little animal onsies, lazer death grids to ward of Ra's ninjas. The works.

Bruce is off to the side, quietly having an aneurysm and choking to death on his own spit. Baby boy? Fatherhood? OFFSPRING!? Alone and not going to LET HIM HELP!? But why would he help!? Bad idea! But. But he needs to BE THERE to TAKE CARE of TIM and the future BABY! Aaaaaaaaa-!!!!!

It's a... "Fun" time. Dick is nearing a nervous breakdown. Bruce not far behind. Damians having Feelings(tm).

Then! At a Wayne Charity Event(tm)? Small glowing child. Looks alien. Is getting upset. People backing away IN A HURRY because they just watched this child WARP REALITY to turn the nearest table into candy.

Tim is there as the face of the family. A hero. Already feeling generally Paternal. Upset baby is Bad. So he goes in, dispite clear protests. Gets low and talks soothing.

But the alien Wants Her MOMMY!

And? Oh. Well there goes the protective amulets JLA Dark made for him. Now he's in an alien dress and? Very much no longer Cis. Guess he would have and DID inherent from his dad's side of the family, no boobs. Tiny. At least he got his mom's killer legs.

And the kiddo isn't scared any more. Since he "looks like mommy".

Except not even remotely, because she warps into being an HOUR later, looking for her daughter and is made of pure light. Thanks him. Doesn't FIX anything. And just leaves. Gee, thanks lady.

There were REPORTERS there. Tim Drake has tits now. Front page news. Great. Ra's is GOING to know and get WEIRD about it.

Tim shrugs. Off to Leslie we go, though. Check up time!

Yep. Full lady bits action. And, hey! Shiny new spleen! So that's nice.

It DOES change his plan though. He didn't, you know, collect any "samples" yet. But? Does... does he NEED too? He COULD concoct a story of "rich person hires mystic to get penis back" after going and getting magiced back.... OR?

He could have someone put a baby in him! *simultaneous Bat Choking Noises*

MUCH easier to defend. THEN he could be changed back, after the baby is weaned. The problem is who to trust? Ra's is ABSOLUTELY going to do everything in his power to get his seed inside Tim new puss. So a seed bank is out. And-

*hands slam on the table*

Obviously! We can't trust anyone outside this house! Villian plots and Ra's specifically! Bat paranoia! W-we will just have to make this sacrifice for you!

.....Weirdly intense, but okay.

Objection! Says Tim's newly no longer Dead team mates. Tim tried to CLONE Kon! OBVIOUSLY it should be Kon! And Bart! Bro Threesome! Let nature decide! (Then kid number 2 is the other Bro, is only FAIR)

ALSO a good point. He did have that promise, if one of them ever got turned into a girl. And a Kon baby WOULD be nice...

Shit! Grayson pulls "last of my legacy and I have so much to make up for" cards!

Is betrayed by his OWN FATHER (Bruce! How COULD YOU!?) Who plays "you saved me from the time steam and nearly died for me, let me help(emotional)" to devastating effect!

Cheating! Howls the Speedster! You're CHEATING!!!

And Tim stands there... kinda confused but finding he's actually Really In To This as people argue over how much THEY want to be the one to put a baby in him? He's never felt this badly WANTED. Desired.

He may not want to go through the whole "actually carrying a baby for 9 months then pushing one out" thing more then once.... but the fighting over him thing? This might be awaking something.

And, well, Kon already made a good point. Why try to control it? Let nature decide~

Everyone can help.

The argument stops dead. For all of the seconds before "who goes first?" Occurs to everyone.

Sadly for THEM, Bruce is a bastard willing to play dirty to get what he wants. And his house his rules. He goes first. After all, he no doubt smirks, none of THEM have the... experience, to handle a virgin properly.

He refuses to allow Tim hurt on his watch.

Got it? Good talk. Tim, with him.

Which is what leads to Tim clawing at the bed and begging like his life depends on it, soaked in sweat, hours later. As Bruce STILL gently, teasingly, RUTHLESSLY eats him out. Puddles worth of lube ruining the sheets and easing his way, as he works calloused fingers DEEP to find spots Tim didn't know he had yet. As they rub and tease and fuck against those spots so relentlessly it feels like Tim's coming apart.

He didn't even know he could MAKE half these noises.

His hole is so wet and sloppy, it's like it's given up. Like his body can do nothing but quiver and twitch under Bruce's hands. Given how big he is? Probably the point. Because he crawls up to loom over Tim like a giant. Presses kisses to his whimpering, sweaty face. And rocks into his exhausted body, filling every inch of him.

It doesn't even hurt. Something that big probably SHOULD for his first time, but Bruce isn't a legendary playboy for nothing. And it just fills and Fills and FILLS. Rubs against everything in a way that makes his toes curl. Makes him want to gasp and cling, even though he's so exhausted.

Bruce just shooshes him. Pulls him close. He won't have to do a thing. He can just cling to Bruce and feel good. Bruce is here. He's got you.

And it's the best thing Tim's ever felt. Forget masturbation, sex is AMAZING. Bruce rocking then thrusting then pounding into his body. Holding tight like something precious. Hammering his good spots still he sees stars. Til he's nearly sobbing, hiccuping, from how good it feels to have his insides all messed up.

Bruce fills him up. All gooey and warm. Picks him up and carries him to a clean bed to get wiped down and tucked in. Cleans up then joins him. Fills him back up and tucks him close. He feels boneless and precious. Sleeps like the dead.

Discovers sex with a puss is AWESOME.

Next morning, he's barely out of Bruce's room before Dick is scooping him up and dragging him into his room. Almost franticly bending him in half as he presses him to the bed, kissing the air out of him. Holding his face as he whispers filthy praise into his lips. Hips relentless as they slam home, pounding at just the right angle.

Like he's trying to make for YEARS of mistakes by pouring it all into pleasure NOW. Clinging tight and trying to fry Tim's brain with how good he can make him feel. Dick buries his faces against Tim's neck and rutts like he's making up for lost time. Fucking Tim through orgasms, spilling again and again, like he's determined to drain his balls dry and wring every last bit of pleasure he CAN out of Tim's exhausted body.

Tim has to threaten to hit him with an alarm clock to let him up. Tim wants LUNCH damn it. They missed breakfast. By a LOT.

But then work calls. Damn it. So he has to get dressed. Double damn it. And he does it, but refuses to be pleased about it. Resolves things. Even gets ahead on work. Only for DAMIAN to walk stiffly into his office. Sus.

The gremlin hands him a frankly VERY well put together report on why he, Damian AL Ghul... should be allowed to fuck a baby into Tim. He has brought along a slide show and genealogical report.

.......Explain.

Damian does. He REALIZED some things about himself. When Tim was discussing becoming a Father. Using the same method as he, himself, was created. Went through a whole "go to the Kent farm and have a life change adventure" character growth arc, as you do. And? Now realizing that he potentially COULD be DIRECTLY involved in the Hypothetical Child's life instead of as an uncle?

He wants in. They could be glorious, combined. AND he firmly believes Tim will be a magnificent Mother. Let him Father your child.

It's a bad idea. Tim knows this. He literally JUST slept with Bruce yesterday and nothing good comes from sleeping with AL Ghul's. They Obsess. But? Fuck it. Maybe THIS is the thing that finally stops the Tim-Gremlin cold war and bring peace to house Wayne once and for all. He unbuckles his belt. Walks over to his resting room.

And Tim KNOWS, even as he's being urgently fucked into the fold out bed, that this is an AWFUL idea. No way in HELL, from the desperate and sloppy thrusts, clinging, panting and whines, is this NOT Damian's first time. He's utterly undone.

Pounding load after load into Tim because it feels too good to stop. All enthusiasm and no skill. Half the pleasure Tim's even GETTING is his own hand, relentlessly teasing his own clit. But? Oh. The feeling of being wanted so BADLY. Of cum, gushing and gushing into him. Knowing it's HIS hole that's so good, it's driving Damian incoherent.

He feels... sexy. It DEFINITELY does something for him. He may not be able to go back. Could see himself enjoying being a milf.

But of course. Business hours end. And he PROMISED! Is swept up by Bart for their threesome. Which, after several rounds and untold loads of near-no-refractary-period speedster cum dumped inside him? Is kinda spotty, in his memory.

All he knows for certain is he wakes up to his sheepish best friends, "Sorry we fucked you unconscious repeatedly" bribes, no voice, and a warm bath. He's also plugged up and FULL full of that premium speedster/half-kryptonian blend cum, because apparently his friend intend to WIN and nothing says victory like overwhelming odds. He'd call them fuckers, but they ARE and hold no remorse. He can't move.

Carry him you bastards.

When he asks where Cassie is, he learns she's apparently trying to harrass the magic users into a making her a temporary "turn me into a dude" amulet. Both as a gift AND so she can join the race for Father Of Tim's Baby. Huh. Interesting new options.

Obviously, throughout ALL of this, ninjas. Because Ra's has never wanted to smash so hard in his LIFE.

Instead, Tim is out here, on Jason's shitty couch. Getting lifted up and slammed down onto his cock. Called baby girl. Princess. Jason's never been harder. Already planning their kids graduation dinner and baby number three.

Tim feeling precious and taken care of and DESIRED. Like the young adult with a first shitty apartment he never got to be. Something so close to normal. Put a baby in him. Fuck him like you love him, like they do this every Saturday night, then eat pizza and watch trash TV. Fill him up.

And if course~ it's a VICIOUS game of Fuck The Tim keep away, up until one day he starts to show. Then Everyone is loving and coddling and in a "No I Am The Father" cold war. The birth is a nightmare, because Tim is slender and more scar tissue then not. But?

Adorable quarter-Kryptonian! With the biggest blue eyes and Tim's porcelain doll face.

Tim is NOT doing that again. Ffffffuck giving birth. And being pregnant! Granted, the EARLY part? He loved. He glowed. Getting pregnant was AWESOME. But later stages? God awful. Clone tube babies from here on out.

Absolute Devastation in the Tom Fucking Community. Babe no! You can't MEAN IT!

Woah, hey! He never said he'd STOP. "Getting Pregnant" is very, VERY enjoyable. He's just refusing to carry SHIT. Birth control for HIM. Scooping that slurry of "leave it up to Nature" out and storing it. Now... Kon stop being smug and hold your son.

-🐼🐼🐼

😭😭😭 tim getting everyone to come to dinner and they all think it was alfred and are like 'this was a great idea alfred! we should all get together like this more often' only for tim to cough and say well actually i called you all here, i figured you all deserved a heads up since i'm going to be undergoing some serious life changes. everyone's confused and then tim says he's going to have a baby.

immediate panic and some disappointment from bruce because he thinks this is a teen pregnancy and he expected better from tim only for tim to have to yell to interrupt everyone and say there is no 'girl', not yet anyway. he's just announcing that he's GOING to have a baby. they're not yet conceived and now the family is dealing with whiplash of how of course TIM would do something like this now they're sitting their listening to him talk about the ideal gene pool given tim's family has a history of mental issues and he's going into some very detailed things like nurseries and everyone just wants him to slow down because tim is still a kid!!! dick is older than him and even HE doesn't feel ready. so everyone is trying to talk tim out of it while tim insists he's ready, he's been going to a therapist for 11 months trying to deal with his issues so he COULD be ready to be a parent.

which of course baffles them even more because???? dick has been trying to get them all into therapist for years and tim just???? went??? on his own????

bruce is of course the least welcoming of tim's ideas of teen parenthood. because what about highschool, college? at least ONE of his kids has to go to college!

tim however says no, says his GED is more than enough.

bruce tries finding other angles, asking what if he just sets tim up with babysitting gigs? make him see kids aren't that great and tim just huffs and said he already did a bunch of babysitting and volunteering at the children's centers in gotham as part of his adoption application!

which ???? just stressed bruce out even more?! because tim had tried to adopt a baby first? but apparently got rejected because of his age, lack of partner, and lack of job which tim loudly says is unfair because bruce was in his 20s when he took in dick and HE hadn't had a partner or a job!

so the family is protesting, despertly trying to get tim to change his mind,,, then tim gets a womb and suddenly the protests die down VERY quick.

[faghubby]

about the author

Hello, I have recipes alot of questions about what is real, what is fantasy. So let me tell you about me. I am a 53 year old divorced submissive sissy. Well not completely I work a blue collar job so can't be dressed all the time. Like alot of you started young, moms things. Then stopped got married then my wife's things. Had kids. Eventually told my wife. About a few of my fetishes. First panties, adding things as time went on. This grew to her letting me dress at times, being more controlling not dominant wasn't her style. Even pegging me something she didn't like. But would make me wear plugs and take me shopping. Something we both enjoyed.

Eventually she had an affair, mostly because I didn't give her what she needed. She confessed as soon as it happened. I begged her to Cuckold me. Which she happily did for a while. Eventually whatever we had left collapsed. But not after she convinced me I wanted a man. You can only eat so many cream pies before they know you need it from the source. She introduced me to a dominant gay man. Where I lost what ever was left of pretending.

For the kids sake I don't flaunt my submissive sexual behavior. Although they are now adults and do know I have some odd fetishes. I see no need for them to feel they have to defend me or prehaps be embarrassed by me. So I don't hide I just am very discreet.

I am not homosexual or straight. I am submissive. Having relations with both men and woman. Although I do tend to lean towards men. This is because most men are comfortable being the alpha. ( and I love cum)

So I have done alot of what is in my stories, just not so much how the story is told.

So when people ask for advise. How did you tell your wife? What should I do? All I can say is I don't know. Be truthful to yourself, DONT throw all your kinky fetishes at your spouse at the same time! You know them best. But talk about it go slow let them adjust. You been imaging things for years. Let them catch up. And yes they might say you are crazy.

I don't know who said it best but I've the quote

"We are all odd, that isn't the problem. It's finding another odd person you can comune with"

[iamatriangle]

Hi Greta! 💕

For your ask game what about🥤🎲🍄?

Thank you for the ask Lola!! 💕

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

I wanted to recommend a Klance fic for you- this is one I read recently and really enjoyed! It’s a really well written modern AU that has tons of twists and turns. It kept me on the edge of my seat! 💙 ❤️

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time? 

I’m just SO BUSY. I’m in my first year of college and I’m studying film production which uses all of my creative energy. Also I’m taking too many credits (according to my mom loll) and have a job. I rarely feel motivated to create in the free time I do have simply because I need to use that time to relax and process everything changing so quickly. It’s been a crazy transition for me! Luckily this summer will be much less hectic and I’m taking a lighter class load in the fall, so I’m hoping I can put more energy towards writing in the near future!

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Hmmm…

I’m going to have to go with Finesse and Langris for this one. I have a headcanon that Finral stops trying to return to house Vaude and Langris and Finesse are engaged again, but she initially refuses to marry Langris and he has to earn her love.

I love this because Finesse is a character who is constantly robbed of agency. It must be so frustrating to always be passed back and forth between these two guys without any say in the matter, but she always chooses to be kind and understanding. I want her to chose the opposite for once!

It satisfies Langris’s arc as well because his fundamental problem is he doesn’t understand love that isn't transactional; he doesn't understand that the way to be loved is just to be kind and care about others. I want him to learn that lesson for Finesse and be patient with her even when she isn’t being her most perfect self.

[seariii]

The story in the present is finally moving forward

We watched 2 more episodes. When it started my mom went "she's so mean/such an asshole" and i immediately jumped in "she doesn't mean wrong by that". "You defended her right away", replied my mom, and right after she said that, in the anime they said how much Frieren has changed... I felt like I won the non existent argument heh...

Today it felt weird for me, then good then bad and now we are here. And in that bad was my post, wondering if I'm unapproachable or it's because I'm in my own bubble.... And then I look at this girl... She isn't unapproachable, she's silly... But she comes off as cold, she doesn't understand what humans feel. She enjoyed bringing happiness to her friends, and at the end of it she regrets not getting to know them better... She's not a bad person...

That made me think of some things I've been told... "Seari you are so weird" "you always look so relaxed, how do you do it?" I think were some that stuck with me... And then I remembered when I talked with.... I'm not sure who it was with, but how I pictured myself alone in the mall, with my earbuds and no one bothering me, no one getting close to me, as if I was invisible, as if I was in a small bubble where nothing gets out and nothing comes in...

I guess is still that feeling... I feel happy being able to talk to people, and I feel happy interacting, but I feel like I need to do more, like I'm doing something wrong or missing something... I feel... Who knows... School don't teach you this stuff

But... She feels happy... She has her little collection and ends up dragging others on her way, they enjoy the adventure, and sometimes enjoy whatever magic she learnt too... I wonder if that's what we are doing now

I guess me feeling like I'm annoying is one of those being unable to truly put myself in others shoes moment... I mean if I was annoying people would go away... I just am on my little bubble... And don't know how to get out... And while it might expand a bit, being inside of it still makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong

When Stark said "I haven't done anything", I felt it.... The way others treat you and you feeling like you don't deserve it, and the way he says he would fight it but probably run away.... And Fern told him he wouldn't... And then he actually didn't and then he actually killed it! It... It felt close to home....

The times people have thanked me while I feel I've done nothing are unmeasurable... But... I guess bringing people comfort, even when not fixing the problem, is really good for them, isn't it? That's what he did... He even said how before that the village looked gloomy, and now we saw it happy and full of life.... He didn't fix the problem, but even so, he helped them so much...

I'm getting really sleepy... I'll check the notifications and then might take a nap heh

I didn't take notes while watching it this time, that's why it turned like this, sorry hahahaha anyways I don't really expect people to be reading this, it's more of a personal project.... But hey if someone is, hi, welcome to my mind

[paigenoelchas-blog]

Feels Like Home

33: Friendship

Mahri's POV:

Phil and Dan stand in the garage admiring the bike I had picked out for Jake's Christmas present. Jake told me that the best gift that he had received was a bike from his mom on his tenth birthday. I wanted to remind him of that gift and let him know that there could still be a world filled with amazing Christmases and unbelievable happiness.

"He is not going to know how to handle this beautiful machine." Dan starts, "Are you sure I can't take this off your hands for you?"

"He is an excellent driver," I say defending Jake.

"And this, "Phil adds, "Is an excellent bike. Well done, Em."

"Thanks." I beam. I am proud of this bike, a 1977 Indian Chief. Of course, it has two seats, a priority of mine in case he decides to take me for a ride. He will. I think about the adventures that we are sure to share and smile. The bike had one previous owner and low mileage. She is a beauty, black and retro and classy... very Jake-like.

"He will love it, the lucky jerk," Dan says sincerely and nods his approval, "Did you get a helmet to match the bike? Seriously Mahr, he needs a cool helmet."

Panic sets in. Phil notices. "I can handle that for you. I know a guy. It isn't a problem. Besides, I couldn't think of the perfect gift for my buddy. This seems just right." I am so glad that Jake and Phil are friends now, so grateful that he is dating Betty. I am also more than thankful that Dan and Jake have reconciled.

"Phil, I am impressed that you have your Christmas shopping done. three whole days beforehand." I quip and nudge him in the arm. He winks at me, understanding that I am teasing him. He is actually much more responsible than people give him credit for. He is also much more thoughtful since he met Betty. "Thank you, that would be amazing and if you get him a helmet, that is one more thing I don't have to stress over. I hug Phil and then Dan, "Thank you so much, thank you both so much for all of this. I haven't had friends like this in a while. I don't think Jake ever has, It means a lot to us."

Dan stiffens and clears his throat, trying to hide emotion, "When does he get his bike and how are you getting it to him?"

"I was going to blindfold him and have him see it here."

"I have a better idea," Dan blurts out, "Leave it to me. It will be there on Christmas morning. I will deliver it myself, red ribbon and all."

I nod and hug each of these wonderful friends. Quickly, their attention turns back to the bike. They continue to stand there after I turn to walk away, I am not sure they even notice I am leaving. They just stare at the bike and occasionally grunt things at each other. They don't approach the bike, just stay back with their arms crossed in approval. I shake my head and leave the garage. "Boys and their toys," I whisper over my shoulder. I have no idea what men think when staring at a vehicle, but these two obviously see something I don't.

I just hope that Jake is as delighted with the bike as they are.

---------------------

Jake's POV:

The girls were supposed to be here five minutes ago. I need their help today of all days. I begin to pace. I am not nervous about my decision. I know that Mahri is the one that I want to spend all of life with. I just want to make it perfect. I have to get this right. This is the only proposal that I will make.

While I haven't confirmed that I am planning on proposing to Mahri, Betty knows. She knows everything and never stops reminding me of that. Confidence like that is a gift and someone that can have that without making other people feel small is a wonderful thing. Betty is incredible and I am so glad for our long friendship.

Jessy has an idea that I am going to propose. I know that she will be overjoyed. She is one of the rare sorts of people that truly delights in the happiness of her friends. Mahri's joy will fill her up. I am glad that the two of us are at a place where she can trust me with Mari's heart. We have become good friends. I am lucky to have two such tremendous women in my life. Three of course, if you count Mahri.

I am about to text Betty to ask her location when I hear her laughter and see her peek around the corner, arms interlinked with Jessy. They are in the middle of a discussion, no doubt about Dan or Phil. Their faces light up like two women in love.

It is odd, I think that those two particular men occupy their hearts. But I am odd and Mahri loves me. Dan and Phil have proven themselves to be reliable and I trust them to love these women properly. It is another thing that I am thankful for this morning. Being in love makes me appreciate all of the glories of this life. It makes me appreciate love in all of its forms. Happiness makes me a sap, but I wouldn't go back to living the other way, not for all of the money in the world.

"There he is, " Betty begins. "I am surprised that you haven't called yet. We are five minutes late."

"Six minutes," I correct her. "and my hand was on the phone." Betty's smile is broad and deep, the smile of a friend that knows you inside and out. She leans over conspiratorially into Jessy's ear but whispers loud enough for me to hear, "Look at the man who is about to make the second-best decision of his life. Have you ever seen such a sap?"

I smile, "What was the best decision?" I ask. Remembering that her love language is name calling.

"It was the day you decided that we should be friends. I have carried you a long way, brother." She responds.

"Indeed you have, but I don't think I had much say in the decision. That was all you. You have always been bossy." I say, acknowledging the impact that she has had on my life. She nods in agreement, knowing that I have loved her for all that she has been to me. "Care to help me with one more task?"

She nods again as Jessy runs up to give me a hug which I happily return. Betty slugs me in the arm before doing the same.

"I am confused about a couple of things," Betty asks blankly. "I thought you were going to ask her to move in with you? I also thought you were unsure about her response."

"I am going to ask her to move in with me before I propose. I couldn't wait to ask her any longer life is too short to waste a second. I have already waited all of my life for her. I am confident that she will comply." I answer.

Jessy giggles. I am confused.

"Comply?" Betty makes a face. "Please tell me that you aren't going to ask her to comply with your request for marriage. Not romantic, dude. Please, please tell me that you have something less formal prepared, maybe use phrases like 'I love you' and 'the sun rises and sets in your eyes.'"

"I think I have something better to say, but nothing about the sun rising. Do I need to add that?" Now I am panicking. Am I going to mess this up? Do I need a speech written? I had been planning on speaking from the heart like I usually do with Mahri.

"NO!" Betty stopped me, "You don't need a speech and you will do fine. I am just razzing you. Just stay away from your big words, they make things seem too rehearsed, the words lose their meaning."

Jessy is nodding in the background. She finally speaks, "She adores you. There is nothing to worry about. Just tell her how you feel, she will say yes and remember this moment for the rest of her life." I begin to feel my nerves gurgle again at this thought. What if I mess this up and we are stuck with an awkward memory for the rest of our days?

Betty side eyes Jessy, "No pressure. Just be honest. She can't resist you. I should know. I helped create the stud that you are now."

She always knows the right thing to say, "Right," I mumble with my head down. I have a lot of practical things to consider. I fidget with my keys.

Betty notices my nerves and breaks the silence, "Shall we go inside or stay out here and freeze our butts off?"

Jessy is more than excited, "Go inside of course. So, Jake, what kind of cut were you thinking of, and what metal?" She grabs my arm and pulls me through the door.

I shrug, "Let's go see what we can find. I have the two best people with me to find the perfect ring for Mahri."

Jessy smiles and continues running through the options. I had no idea that she knows so much about this stuff. "You could do a platinum princess cut diamond, which is classic or a...." her voice trails off as we continue inside. Betty looks at me with a pitiful smile. She knows that in about two seconds, I am going to shut down.

Betty leans in, "Hang in there, friend. This part will be over soon enough and you will be the happy sap that I have grown accustomed to." She pats me on the back as she walks ahead and tries to find an employee.

--------------

MC POV:

I finish my work quickly spurred on by the knowledge that it is the last thing I have to do until after Christmas. It is officially vacation and tonight I was ready to go out. Getting caught up after the storm has been exhausting and I can't wait to spend a few more days in bliss with Jake. I am hoping that I can stay with him over the next week.

The second I walk out of the door, I text Jake.

Mahri: Guess who is off on vacation until after Christmas?

Jake: The woman I love?

Mahri: Assuming that is me, yes.

Jake: You know that it is you. It is only you. It will always be you.

Mahri: :)

Mahri: Can we go out tonight, maybe to the Aurora?

Mahri: We have been cooped up a long time. I bought a new dress.

Jake: I have some things that I have to get done at the house.

Jake: Do you want to come over?

Jake: Wait. I have a better idea. Hang on.

Jake: I happened to run into Betty and Jessy in town. They want to know if you would like to join them for a girl's night. You haven't been out with them in a while.

Mahri: You wouldn't mind?

Jake: Of course not. I love the affection that you all have for each other.

Mahri: Then I would love that. Have them text me.

That instant, I receive two texts.

Betty: Ditch that loser boyfriend of yours and hang out with us girls tonight.

Jessy: Please come hang out with us tonight. We miss you.

M: (to both women) I would love to hang out with you both. It has been too long. See you tonight, 6:30?

Jessy: Yay! I can't wait!

Betty: See you then, Sunshine. We have some things to talk about.

Jessy: I will invite the other girls as well if you are alright with that.

Betty: OOOH, new people. I love meeting new people.

I don't know whether to be scared or thrilled by that last statement. Hopefully, Jessy can prepare Betty for the three women that she is about to meet. Hopefully, Betty can tame her tongue a bit, for Hannah's sake.

Then I remember how good Batty is at reading people. She is someone that I trust implicitly. My nerves turn back to excitement.

I am about to put away my phone when I think of one more thing.

Mahri: Jake?

Jake: Yes, Love.

Mahri: I won't see you tonight....

Jake: I know. I hope there aren't many more nights that we have to say that.

Mahri: Me too.

Jake: You could always stop by after and stay the night if you want.

Jake: I would always like that.

Mahri: I may be drunk, you won't like me when I am drunk and you have work in the morning.

Jake: I like you in every possible scenario, but I do have work. Work would never stop me from wanting to spend the night with you.

Mahri: You are the sweetest man.

Jake: No, I am just in love with a wonderful woman. If you don't come tonight, stop by tomorrow morning. I will make you breakfast and my hangover cure.

Mahri: Love you

Jake: ...and I love you. Be safe and CALL ME if you get into trouble.

Jake: Actually, call me BEFORE you get into trouble.

Mahri: ;)

I head home to change and see the girls. I wonder if this is what my life will always be like. Will I always be surrounded by such wonderful, amazing people who love me and who I adore? I can't imagine a better future.

My drive home is quick. I hop in the shower and change into a tight black dress. It has lace cutouts in all of the right places. The back dips to just above my ass. Jake wouldn't let me leave the house in this dress, not because he is controlling, but because we wouldn't make it that far before he ripped the dress off me. The thought makes me blush and miss him. Maybe I will stop by tonight. I add some red, very high heels that would make any boy's head spin. I can't wait to see what Jake thinks of me in them. I am going to have fun with the girls, but who is to say that I can't also have fun with my man.

I am on vacation after all.

------------

Jake's POV:

I wasn't entirely honest with Mahri. I am really busy, but never too busy to be with her. Mahri and I had been ignoring our friends for quite a while. It is easy to do when you are in love the way that we are. Spending time with Betty and Jessy today made me realize how much Mahri must miss them whether she realizes it or not.

Betty and Jessy were so excited by the thought of being together that I wanted Mahri to have that chance as well.

So, after I told Mahri I was busy, I did something that I never do. I invited Dan and Phil over for dinner and poker. I even invited Thomas, the idea of him was growing on me. I had almost forgiven him for his willingness to sacrifice Mahri's life at the mines. Almost.

He is Hannah's fiancé, after all, we had to work things out eventually. I may never forgive him for his dismissive attitude toward Mahri, but we can be cordial. I am going to deal with my sisters eventually so I have to deal with him. But not tonight. Tonight is for fun and celebration.

I am nervous and excited. I haven't hosted a party. I haven't spent time with many people. I still haven't become that acquainted with social norms. To say I am slightly nervous is an understatement, but I appreciate these men that have been added to my life and hope that tonight becomes the start of a really good thing.

I feel anxious, but I channel my inner Betty and toughen up, make snacks, and set up the poker table. I make sure the beer is cold and the pizza is hot.

I take one last look around the room when I hear a knock on the door. Taking one last breath, I think about how proud Betty will be that I did this and how happy Mahri will be that I consider these men friends. I smile and open the door.

"Welcome to the cabin. Allow me to rid you of your extra cash."

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

TUMBLR PUT THIS UNDER A READMORE ASSJOLE

my mom rlly knows how to make me feel like shit and acts like me crying about it is the problem and not her way of communicating. she acts like im the only one who responds this way but she has made my sister sob way more than i do. i just start crying as of late because ive started defending myself instead of shutting down completely (to stop myself from crying)

her: why havent you been cleaning the kitchen me: [I had something semi-time sensitive to do today and i was going to clean the kitchen after that, but i moved that first task to tomorrow and i ended up having another fatigue spell, which left me unable to do much of anything. then i forgot about the kitchen. the prior two days i genuinely forgot and my focus has been so bad lately that i end up spending hours going down rabbit holes because my brain loses track of time and doesn't realize it. It's like my entire day is a blur until 9 pm. this has been an ongoing problem for the because my adderall dosage isn't high enough anymore] me: I forgot- mom: this is genuinely concerning. you are almost 25 and you're still falling behind. you were making genuine progress and now you're slipping me: -starts crying and defending myself because i just had grief not even a month ago about turning 25- mom: hey? calm down ? (something about me needing to learn how to handle communicating with people)

[theliterarywolf]

I saw an interesting Twitter thread the other day about a mom very angry about her daughter's school telling them the school was planning on looking through text messages between students (made both during and outside of school hours) to supposedly combat bullying and security reasons. For obvious reasons that sounds like a disaster of privacy

But then the mom casually mentioned she and her daughter have an agreement that if the mom asks to see something on her daughter's phone, the daughter *has* to let her mother see. (Now the age of the girl was never mentioned, but I have several problems with that which would only slightly change depending on her age . . .)

the mother insisted this was VERY different from the school's invasive actions. And several parents were defending this practice. Some even said they demanded passwords to anything their kid had. (Really gross to me was people admitting they still did this sort of thing to their 17 year old.)

The wide world of the internet IS dangerous but the answer isn't to hover over your teen's every move because as much as you think you're going to see everything. . . you aren't. And what happens when they turn 18? Also if you're that kind of parent, you're not giving them any sort of chance to actually trust you and feel able to approach you with a problem.

If you don't think your 10 year old can handle the responsibility of a smart phone then by all means just get them a simple track phone if they need a way to contact you. But if you aren't preparing your teen how to spot suspicious things online/keep themselves safe, you're doing them a disservice.

We have unfortunately created the perfect 'Unstoppaple Force vs Unmovable Object' scenario when it comes to youth safety and the internet. Because parents will, of course, fall into one of two camps: the 'my child is perfectly innocent and can do no wrong ever; it's all the fault of predators and perverts online' camp and the 'until you reach 18, you are essentially a slave to me and you are not allowed to even breathe without my say-so; HAND OVER YOUR PHONE!!!' camp.

This gets compounded with non-parent adults' response to youth safety on the internet which also falls into one of two camps: the 'none of this would happen if everywhere online just fell into my vision of godliness without anything questionable, like disgusting porn, violence, or those Elgeebeeteas~!' camp or the 'technology is perfect and even more flawless than its ever been; what failsafes? We don't need failsafes, just trust the technology and algorithms!' camp.

Which also gets compounded with youths and teens online themselves who fall into one of several camps: the 'I was raised by overly strict parents so, rather than learning how to be safe, I've learned how to lie and keep secrets even when I may actually be in danger' camp, the 'um, I'm justified and entitled to everything that exists online; even if it's locked away from my age-group' camp (and before anyone tries to say 'stop making this about fandom-wank', I'm actually focusing more on how websites like Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram have age-limits but what teen is actually listening to those?), and the 'I see the internet as my own personal playground and fuck anyone else if they get hurt or don't like it; I'm literally just a minor! What's anyone going to do~?' camp.

All of these groups and factors now exist in a hellish stalemate against one another and none of them want to back down so we literally can't even begin to develop accurate-to-today's-context safety measure.

And of course companies and tech startups won't help; all they're seeing this stalemate as is 'Ooh, engagement~!'

[emcant]

Really sick reason to be happy but I can't stop smiling

TW/CW child abuse, mental illness, SH

One of my aunts calls our family "yours, mine, and ours", which is accurate. We've got me, my (step)brother, my dad, my stepmom, and my (half)sister. My brother is seven weeks younger than I am. Our parents got together when we were around four- "work spouses" who were both recently divorced- and our little sister came a few years later.

My bio mom and my brother's bio dad are a mess, somewhere between incapable and unwilling to parent full time. I've been in therapy off and on for most of my life and got my C-PTSD diagnosis at 15. My brother, god love him, just reached his first year of sobriety, having started drinking around the same age.

Naturally, every time we had a chance to say "This isn't normal" to our shared folks, we'd be told "Well of course you'd think that, you're used to your other parent!". The other person was a shovel used for digs: "This isn't their house!". They'd call me by my mom's name when I made them upset.

I assumed I was broken either because of my mom or because of the split. I can't know for certain, of course, but I think the cause of the C-PTSD was specifically that they traded custody daily, at my mom's request, until she moved out of state. She gives the silent treatment. My stepmom screams. The rules changed on me literally every 24 hours until I was 13.

Life evened out a lot when she did move away - but not entirely. I wound up in screamland 90% of the time rather than 50. I couldn't figure out why it didn't feel right or why it kept happening to me, but I believed my folks: I wasn't used to it because my mom's "parenting" is different and worse. I felt sickened to be involved with my mom at all. I thought that if only she wasn't waiting in the wings, I'd be entitled to a normal childhood, but because of her influence, I deserved everything I got.

Anyway, I have been texting my little sister about Christmas gifts for our brother, and out of nowhere, earlier this week, she tells me she's going to therapy for the first time... because she's realized it's not normal for your mom to scream at you literally all day and your dad to not intervene.

I haven't been home for more than three days since I moved out over a decade ago. I had a chance to pass through the town earlier this year, didn't do it, and still had panic attacks for two weeks straight. I can't hack it as someone's daughter; it makes me physically sick.

But that isn't a me problem.

Not a one of them could hack it as parents.

I've stopped hearing my mother's doubts in my head - I cut her off when I moved away. I've never been quite able to shut off my stepmom's. The screamer versus the silence... it fits.

I'm not a poser if I can't create when I don't have a comfortable space to work. I should not self-reject because I'm frightened. In the absence of an abuser, I'm finding that holding ideas in also hurts a lot.

I'm not stupid or useless or gearing up to be a failure for needing the introvert rest period and knowing my limits. It will not hold me back in life.

It isn't normal to want to hurt yourself. It isn't normal for people to laugh it off and talk about themselves when you tell them you want to hurt yourself.

The mandatory insincerity I grew up around has thankfully faded a lot - I don't think I could summarize that anymore if I tried.

I'm heartbroken that my little sister is going to need to learn these things - but ecstatic that she will, and is actively moving towards it. Had a similar conversation with our brother a few years ago, but of course, he has his dad in the wings; it hits differently now knowing that it would have happened no matter what. Children in that home are screamed at, hit, and not defended. Simple as.

I'm not what they wanted me to be.

I'd say that's "fine" but that doesn't even begin to cover it. It's exemplary.

[weabooweedwitch]

I dunno I kinda get the vibe that you also view your mom as a defective loser who can't change? you don't really have any nice things to say about her and seem to hate her about as much as you hate yourself (not to say that your mom isn't a pain and immature as fuck to boot bc she absolutely is). you call her subhuman and an idiot and all these horrible things a lot, before I thought it was just harsh online venting of your deepest most private thoughts but I guess you say that stuff to her irl too? just from seeing those texts, I feel bad because I know you're going thru a lot and you're hurting I don't want to make it worse but I kinda had to agree with the verbal aggression and suicide threats comment. not defending your mom, she is a pain-in-the-ass womanchild, but I can kind of understand why she's so defensive and reactive if that really is the way you speak to her. I'm sorry I know that's probably not what you want to hear or the most validating thing, your feelings are absolutely valid too here and I understand how grating having that type of parent can be, as someone who has a similar-but-maybe-not-as-bad situation over here

btw, as I understand it personality disorders are actually very responsive to therapy. the only reason people with certain disorders like aspd and npd don't get better is because a lot of them don't view themselves as having a problem or view their life problems as mostly other people's fault and don't want to hear the negative criticism. bpd has a very good prognosis too for those that recognize a need to change their behavior.

I mean, ultimately yes, i am real shitty to her off and on, but my opinion I guess is that, the temper and the insults are something that developed over time and is specific to our specific relationship. Like my mom and I have always kind of butted heads, but me being, I guess openly malicious towards her is a development that came about within the last few years, or decade maybe, just progressing over time

It's sort of like, you know, one of the things I hate the most is having to repeat myself because someone wasn't listening the first time, and with my mom, we just have the same issues over and over again that are never resolved, or I keep seeing weird behaviors in her, or she makes decisions that I find literally nonsensical. And its just. I look at her and I see someone still making all the same mistakes she always has, and it makes me angry because, I mean, my entire childhood was fucking ruined from constantly moving and literally being trapped in cars with her while she ranted. My relationship with extended family was ruined just because she had personal grudges that I kinda lowkey think are also her fault tbh. I got moved away from my grandmother because my mom was randomly like "oh I can't find any jobs in Missouri, let's just move 8 hours away to Wisconsin" and she didn't regret it but like, my older sister was completely devastated, and by that age, I myself was so desensitized to the constant instability that I was like "well yeah I don't mind moving again, we switch schools almost every single year or sometimes twice a year, do you really expect me to have any friends to even miss"

Like this developed over time. I didn't always feel this way about her. But as I've grown up, I've changed and she hasn't. She's still the exact same person. Even my father says she is literally the exact same person. It's like the thing with her moving my hairbrush out of the shower and never putting it back. I had to tell her over and over to stop even taking it out, that it's literally just a fucking hairbrush, stop taking it out of the shower where I keep it amd not putting it back and also it quite literally wasn't in her way in any way whatsoever, and she kept doing it, and there's only so many times you can "hey mom please don't do this" "mom please just put it back ok literally just put it back after you remove it" "ok I've asked you repeatedly can you stop touching my fucking hairbrush i need in the shower" until you snap and say "alright you STUPID CUNT if you do this one more time I'll remove YOUR things from the shower and I'll take them straight out to the dumpster" and THAT got her to finally stop

Like it's literally gotten to "you don't listen to me when I'm nice so why should I even waste my emotional energy pretending to be nice to you when i don't think you deserve it". "Why should I act nice to you when I feel so massively unsupported and drained and exploited by you"

Like she quite literally doesn't fucking listen, TO ANYONE. You can communicate clear as day with her and she'll still do whatever the fuck she wants. In the past my sister stopped even letting us into her apartment because my mom would start TOUCHING THINGS every single time we were there, like literally opening her fucking cabinets and touching her dishes and unloading her dishwasher, until my sister was basically screaming at her to stop and then it's "ugh Emily is so hysterical she doesn't take her medicine" like no you fucking dumbass you won't let her have agency over her own belongings in her own apartment after she moved out to literally run away from you and you're still doing it to her as an adult and she'll just look at how extremely upset you are "ugh I was just trying to help 🙄 you should think about how I FEEL"

She pushes and pushes and pushes and then when you snap and lose your patience with her, she goes straight for your fucking throat and acts like everything is your fault and she's just the blameless fucking saint. Sometimes I wonder if she is even capable of giving legitimate apologies because any time you bring anything up with her, no matter how valid you are, no matter how upset you are, she just Always responds with "im sorry but *laundry list of excuses*" or "no that's not what happened. You exaggerate. You need to be medicated." Or the favorite, classical deflection she always uses of "well what about when YOU--"

She will tell you every single day the exact same suggestion that you have already said no to. I was literally growing up in school and she'd constantly say "oh you're so smart, you could be a doctor" until I was telling her over and over "I DONT WANT TO and you make STRESSED OUT because it feels like you're trying to force me". Jesus fucking christ for example it literally makes my goddamn blood BOIL absolutely fucking BOIL that she still says "you should put highlights in your hair" when I've been telling her MY ENTIRE LIFE I DON'T WANT TO, I DONT WANT TO DYE MY HAIR, I DON'T WANT CHEMICALS AND BLEACHES, and she literally STILL SAYS IT like it's this kind of thing that makes me go "what would actually make you listen, fucking beating you like your ex husband? Are all these 'abusive relationships' you cry about and told us about when we were inappropriately young to try and squeeze sympathy out of us just you pushing people until they swing on you"

Like. I'm 26 years old and I feel like my own mother doesn't even try to understand me and i feel like if you asked her a list of personal questions about me that she'd gst most of them wrong. And I also feel like, and have felt like for a long time, that, well I guess to outright be cruel, the biggest reason she had kids was because literally no one liked her and i guess she thought children would have some sort of indentured love to her. She won't even like acknowledge i was an accidental pregnancy, she just deflects and says "no you're my miracle baby bc after I had you I found out I had endo-" "ok but mom you were not actively trying to be pregnant and you didn't like my father by the time I was born can you just at least say I was I unplanned, I'm not even saying it as you hating me, can you just acknowledge I was an unplanned pregnancy" "no :)"

I get absolutely no closure with her. Like. This might seem like an extreme comparison but the other day I was watching bodycam footage for the arrest of Joey McVay, a 10 year old who shot his mom. The story is all "oh his mom shot him because he got mad when he was asked to do chores" but then they dug a little deeper and asked the grandmother and the story was "oh this kid had a disability and his mom was actually a rude slob who worked him like a horse while also still treating him as defiant and incompetent and stupid and even being physically abusive and his house was a borderline dilapidated shack and he snapped and shot her because she made him feel literally worthless" and I was watching that thinking, wow that could have been me.

It's the constant like dehumanization she has pushed upon me while also expecting me to listen to her rant and rant and rant for years about her own problems. 'Sympathy for me but not for thee' kinda shit. I can't keep pouring from an empty cup bro? I can't give sympathy that's no longer there because it was sucked out of me like some kind of energy vampire

Ok but like exactly as I'm typing this my mom woke up and I mentioned to her how I'm trying to book with a dermatologist bc I'm having hair thinning and nail denting and I didn't want to be on the phone so I start trying to Google online, and then I end that topic and switch to , bringing up to her this personality disorder conversation, and she literally fucking interrupts me in the middle of my sentence "do you want me to make the call for you" and I just broke down sobbing because I'm sitting here reopening all my emotional wounds to write this post about how unheard I am and, there she goes doing it again, and now I'm refusing to speak to her because like, you didn't let me speak the first time, why should I waste my time saying it all again 🙃

I dont know. I guess it sounds mean but at this point she does it to herself. I've been worn down and demanded to care over and over while being ignored so now I have no sympathy. At this point its no longer "oh gosh I'm sorry that happened to you" and now it's "well what mistake did you make to fuck things up this time" which, in my defense, like, she does cause most of the problems in her life and my own. Like my god there was a period of time where we had just moved and we barely had any money I mean like financially struggling and she's like "oh I hate having all our canned goods on the floor, it just looks so GHETTO, I don't like it" and she ordered furniture off online and it. It literally. We've lived here for like two years and it still isn't fully assembled becuase she didn't read the instructions when she made it and refused to finish it without my help. Like we barely had money for rent and she wasted money on, a cabinet, because things not looking nice made her feel bad. And then in that same period of time she tried to order a dining room table that we have literally no room for, and I can't even tell you how many months ago she ordered a larger size glass enclosure for her bearded dragon and its been sitting in a box for literal months because. Uh. She expects me to help her assemble it and I told her straight up she shouldn't have even bought it if she won't even put together HER cage for HER pet which she takes poor care of, though I'm one to talk considering how little I've gotten to hold Louie

You just. Can't keep demanding sympathy and never giving it back? You can't raise your daughter constantly texting her instead of speaking to her for every little "oh I have a headache bring me a glass of water" to like the point there were periods of time she'd be lying in bed just shouting out for me instead of getting it herself and I'd barge into the room "it's just a glass of water your bedroom is literally next to the bathroom and we have neighbors, stop shouting you stupid bitch"

Like it gave me a COMPLEX. I've been sick and throwing up and refusing to take medicine and refusing any help from her because I grew up watching her pop pills for everything and argue with doctors and just constantly want help that I never saw returned the same way. She's on the couch next to me right now and she's trying to talk to me and I'm still so upset over being interrupted earlier I'm just popping earbuds in and pretending she isn't even here because the couch and her office chair are the only seats in this whole apartment which of course means she lives on it

Like maybe I could overcome my trauma and change with therapy. But mom? She'll argue with doctors. She'll argue with therapists. She'll like you and then you'll make the smallest slight against her and suddenly she wants nothing to do with you and has a laundry list of things she hates about you. She's a fair-weather mother and I'm sick of it. It's at the point where ant help or assistance or support or love she gives me almost doesn't even matter anymore because the constant mistakes and talking over me is still so constant that there's like a 70/30 hate to love ratio at this point.

I know that's a lot of text but, yeah I guess I can still keep certain disorders in mind but my mom is literally the only person I treat like this

[neverwritewhatyouknow]

hi! i hope it's okay that i ask you this, i can imagine you must be really exhausted dealing with hate you don't deserve and it's not your responsibility to educate us. i was just wondering that wasn't the mention that nora was spending hannukah the only bit that talked of her religion? i know you've talked about being jewish/being a convert, but i'm still trying to understand this - like how can we know for sure cmq meant for her ethnicity to be jewish precisely? i'm not saying i think they meant for her to be from a family practising judaism but not jewish - bc i don't, i don't think cmq spent that much time thinking about it honestly - but techincally how can we be sure? (not saying that this would a good reason to not cast a jewish actress, obviously getting jewish rep would have been a better choice) but i was thinking - isn't this a bit like with pez's gender? i think cmq tweeted that they consider pez genderfluid/nonbinary/in some way gnc, but since she didn't explictly write that down, they can't claim having rep for that and ultimately it's up to the reader to decide for themselves. (i'm trans myself too) again, i don't think this is a "good enough" reason to not cast a jewish person and i'm disappointed at how they handled and continue to handle this, but i'm just trying to understand/see if my thinking makes sense, if you get what i mean? and if nora was explicitly stated to be jewish at some point/i missed somethin, i apologize!! thank you so much for continuing to educate people - and me - and i'm sorry about the mess of this ask!! thank you for taking the time to read and answer, and i do really hope you remember to take care of yourshelf too bc you deserve that!

I’m summarizing the question here so I don’t have to keep scrolling up:

1. How can we know Nora is ethnically Jewish? (The anon doesn’t think she’s from a non-Jewish family who practices Judaism. Doesn’t think CMQ thought about it a lot. Only Chanukkah was mentioned.)

I already know I’m going to get attacked for this answer, because people are going to have problems with some or all of it. I ask that if you start reading the answer, to finish reading the answer. I’m serious.

I’m going to say first that even the mention of Nora celebrating Hanukkah is enough to have a Jewish actor needed to play her, since that there and then shows that Nora is Jewish. Non-Jews don’t celebrate Hanukkah (don’t come in here with “evidence of non-Jews doing it, that’s appropriation and def not what CMQ was showing).

I went through the book today looking for stuff, it’s as vague as I remembered (the vagueness is something I will talk more about), but I did find some stuff that I think is important for your question.

Let’s start with the biggest thing that shows that Nora is Jewish. Hanukkah. A Jewish holiday. Even non-religious Jews tend to celebrate Hanukkah because… presents.

Nora goes home to celebrate with her parents (and we can assume grandparents, because they seem very close to her parents). Her parents Reilly and Rebecca. Now, a name obviously cannot and shouldn’t determine someone’s religion, but using her mom’s name of Rebecca added with everything else, we can form a bigger picture of Nora’s background. God, I feel like a theory YouTuber. The name Rebecca is common among Jews (obviously not only Jews), but if you look at her name, combined with Nora’s name (which HOLY FUCKING SHIT ⬅️ my actual reaction because I just realized I don’t need to finish answering this question. I remembered reading that CMQ had changed Nora’s name and…

I don’t have to defend Nora being Jewish or not anymore, because…

Casey already did. Everyone asking how to know if Nora is Jewish or not, Casey said it. Right there.

Anyway I was gonna say a whole bunch of other stuff about how you can tell Nora is Jewish in the book because of the way that Casey described something and why the vagueness actually made sense in a more meta way… (let me know if anyone still actually wants this)

If nobody wanted to believe me about Nora being Jewish, maybe you’ll believe Casey? The author of the book. Oh and for anyone who wants to fight back and say “well people don’t know about Casey saying this.” That’s not the point. The point isn’t this sentence, it’s the fact that she wrote Nora as Jewish. Nora is Jewish and Casey wrote her that way. Can people be mad about this now? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD This is the clearest answer. Thank you to the anon, I knew CMQ had mentioned this but forgot until now. Thought maybe I dreamed it. But nope. Right there.

[ask-kiris-crew]

Mochi (katakuri and bean)

I posted this on a former blog but I deleted the blog so. That story was more about katakuri and bean than Mochi herself

No comments of how I was badly doing katakuri XP he is hard to draw

Disclaimer in case: contains mention of pregnancy. dead.

"Katakuri was alone for a mission. A marine attack started against him. Katakuri put them all down but end up seriously injured. Katakuri had fainted. He later woke up on a place on a house exactly "you woke up. I was starting to worry you wouldn't" a lady said to Katakuri smiling. Katakuri look around him confused "where am I?" Asked Katakuri "you're in my home. I found you injured and laying on the ground. I couldn't letting you here so I bring you with me. And i healed your wound" replied the lady. Somes hours passed Katakuri wanted to leave but his injuries weren't heals yet. The lady gets on katakuri's way to not let him go "please stay It's too risky for you now" said the lady "I had known worse. Even if I gets attacked again I know how to defend myself in case. Now let me go" Katakuri insisted but the lady still refused him to go. "Listen. I cannot let you go in your states. There marines and pirates outside I'd feel guilt if your state gets worse I wouldn't forgive myself so please. Stay here just time your wound are heals" Katakuri looks at the lady "*sigh* fine. I gonna stay here but once I am heals I go okay ?" Lady replied by yes. Time passed and decided to discuss. "What's your name ?" Lady asked "i am Charlotte katakuri" replied Katakuri. " 'Katakuri' It's a nice name" saying while smiling. "I'm bean" she replied. "Bean it's... pretty" Katakuri replied. Katakuri stayed with Bean the time his wound heals. But it was only begging of problems

"bean had a unexpected visit. a marine member was just front her door. "Katakuri. you must hide. there a marine. I don't know what they want but you better hide for now we mustn't taking any risk. I'm afraid you couldn't do anything with your wound" bean told to Katakuri "alright but I'd stay near just in case" Katakuri hide on a other room. bean opened the door to the marine "hello do you need help ?" bean asked nervously to the marine "hello ma'am. the marine currently looking for a certain pirate" the marine shown a wanted poster about Charlotte katakuri "somes source said to have seeing this man. he is a dangerous pirate. a lieutenant of the big mom pirate" the marine said. bean seemed more nervous about heard this "huh n-no. I haven't see that man before . but I hope you will find clues to find him bye bye" bean said and tried to push away the marine to make them leave but the marine insisted "are you sure ?" they forced to enter into bean's house. bean started to get mad "hey I said I know nothing. you may being from marine but it doesn't give you privilege to enter like this !" bean shouted to the marine. "ma'am. please if you have any information you have to tell us" "LEAVE ME ALONE" bean shouted back to the marine. they had grab her arm "Listen. we know HE IS here . you better tell me now or you will get the consequences of your complicity with that pirate" marine said. bean struggle to make them let her go but nothing worked the marine was about to bring her with them. Katakuri had out of his hide and catches the marine and grab them. "Katakuri !" bean shouted . "I know you were ther- ARRGH" the marine had hard time to speak as Katakuri grabbed them. they tries to get free from him. "Listen to me little shit. you can hunt and hurt me I don't care. but if you dare to attack this women there chance you won't see the light again . so if you want thing to end well go away. far far away from this women's home or if you or any of your mates dare to touch isn't only a single hair you pass away . get it ?" Katakuri threatened the marine. the marine had nothing but fears. they nodding their head "GET OUT NOW AND DON'T COME BACK" Katakuri shouted. katakuri released the marine and they runs away . katakuri looks at bean and give her a hand "you okay ? does this guy hurt you ?" Katakuri asked to bean "no... I'm okay. thanks.." replied bean. a few time passed just for bean to recover "Katakuri... why din't you told me you were a pirate ?" Asked bean "isn't was obvious?" replied Katakuri. "oh yes why I am asking it..." bean was perplexed about Katakuri "you din't had to protect me... you could have just... leave ..." bean said "after all what you did for me ? no I couldn't leave you like this" replied Katakuri. "you don't seems that cruel for a pirate..." bean said "oh no. believe me I can be cruel. but I can makes exception" replied Katakuri. days passed Katakuri was healed from his wound . and have been returning to whole cake. but sometimes Katakuri was visiting bean to check if she was alright. then 2 month later he was too busy to see her . bean had sent a letter to katakuri"

"Katakuri received a letter from bean. he opened the letter and read a message "Katakuri. I don't know if you would see me for now. but. I need to talk to you as soon as possible. I only hope you get this letter" Katakuri perplexed by the letter decided to go on the island where living bean. katakuri knock at the door. "bean ? are you there" Asked Katakuri. bean had steps down and opened the door to Katakuri. she had a anxious expression on her face. she told Katakuri to enter . while he did Katakuri asked "I get your letter bean. is anything wrong ?. don't marines started to get after you ??" "n-no that's not that ..." replied bean . bean was feeling bad and barely look at Katakuri. "What's wrong ?. you can tell me maybe I can" bean interrupted Katakuri "I'm pregnant with your child !" a silence resonate. "what ? I think I din't heard well... you said you were pregnant... from me?" bean nervously look at Katakuri like she was about to cry and nodded her head . katakuri look at bean and almost fainted by hearing the news. "damn..." said Katakuri. "i-i'm sorry ... do you want teas ? maybe it can help" Katakuri answered "no... it's okay. *sigh* are you sure that child is mine ?" bean replied "yes... I have found out about it 2 month ago... but I never had the courage to tell you about it... I'm sorry Katakuri. you don't have to be with me and the child . I'd understand if you" Katakuri interrupted bean. "no. listen it's my child. I have to stay here to protect both of you" "but what about your crew ? what about your familly ? aren't they gonna wondering why you wouldn't come back?" bean said. "well I think if i tell a good excuse like I am on a journey. they won't have any doubt about the situation" said Katakuri. "who knows" bean saw a bit of anxiety on katakuri's face she feels the same as him. she was wondering how their situation will get"

Here that's more a wholesome thing. katakuri din't really get much sleep(don't worry he will rest) bean asked him to rest at least for a bit. while katakuri laying on bean he got the surprise to feel his baby kicking for first time

"The last month went fast. Bean went to labor but it was 1 month early. There were a risk for her and her child. Katakuri helped bean to hold up until doctor to come . The doctor came Katakuri stayed all long with bean. After hours of pain bean and Katakuri heard cries of their child. "It's a girl" said the doctor. Bean take her and katakuri's newborn daughter "hello little baby..." "she is perfect..." said Katakuri. "Have you chosen a name for her Katakuri?" Asked bean "huh ? I mean. Are you sure you wanna heard the ones I choosen ?. You might find them ridiculous" replied Katakuri "no don't worry. But if it can help I din't really finds good ones... if our baby was a boy I had thinking about pea. Or if a girl mame so don't be scared about told me" bean said "alright well the names I had chooses if she was a boy I had think 'dango' or "mochi" for a girl" replied a bit embarrassed. Bean gave a small laugh "mochi... I love it ..." bean look at her daughter smiling "do you likes that name mochi ?" Mochi smiled giving a giggles "I think she likes that name..." bean said while smiling. The doctor came back to the room "sir, you should leave for a bit. Your wife needs to rest now" "huh she's not exactly my wife..., are you sure" replied Katakuri "yes. Don't worry it's normal after a birth. You can take the baby if you wish just be careful as she was just born" replied the doctor "well I don't know maybe bean want to" "I don't mind don't worry you can take her" replied bean. Katakuri take lil mochi with him . He taking care of her for the last hours but Katakuri was about to hear a terrible news"

"few hours passed Katakuri cared of the little mochi. later the doctor arrived with a sad expression on their face. "sir..." Katakuri noticed the doctor "doctor? is anything wrong?" Asked Katakuri "Well yes... I have somes news... it's about the mother..." said doctor "what's going ??" "I am afraid that ms bean is deceased..." Katakuri look at the doctor chocked "it's not true tell me it's not true " said katakuri "I'm afraid it's true... Ms bean has stopped to breath since a few time" said the doctor "how... how that could happen..." Asked Katakuri "well... sometimes that's what happen with pressure of birth ... you have all my condolences sir..." later the doctor leaves and also let bean's family know about the news. katakuri sit for a while holding his daughter trying to thinking. the next day bean's family came to her funeral. katakuri was hiden because his pirate status. while the funerals were over he get near of her tomb and leaves flowers "bean... have no worry I will care of mochi. I do everything for her to have the best life possible. you can rest I'm watching over her. bean..." Katakuri leaves and take a ship to get back to whole cake island. he was thinking about how explain to his family mochi's existence. thing running over his head. mochi was sleeping on her father's vest. katakuri hold his daughter "I Don't know how they will react about you. mochi. I only hope they won't acting excessively about you" few times passed Katakuri and mochi arrived to whole cake "welcome to your new home mochi. Well now it's time for you to meet your granny and your uncles and aunts... come on..." Katakuri advanced a bit more on the island until one of his siblings saw him it was perospero "Katakuri you finally came back huh ?" perospero noticed the little girl Katakuri caring on his arms "what is that ?" "that's a baby you idiot" said katakuri "I know what it's. but it come from" Asked perospero "you should know" replied Katakuri "I know where babies come from. katakuri stop mocking me. tell me about this baby" said perospero "she's my child" said katakuri "What ?!" perospero chocked "adopted child. she is adopted..." Katakuri lied about his daughter saying she was adopted "so you adopted this child ?" Asked perospero "yes. yes I did." nervously answered katakuri. later the other Charlotte siblings and big mom meet the little mochi. somes were happy others were mixed about the arrival of katakuri's child. later katakuri was on a room with mochi to putting her to sleep . brulée get to the room to see her niece "is she's asleep?" Asked brulée "yes" replied Katakuri. brulée look at mochi "she's a pretty baby" said brulée. katakuri nodded his head. brulée noticed something on her brother's look. "is everything alright katakuri?" Asked brulée. "what ? oh yeah I'm just a bit tired but I'm okay" Katakuri pretend there nothing else but brulée knew her brother was hiding something. "Katakuri I know there something wrong you can tell me you know" brulée said . katakuri decide to tell his sister "you're right . there indeed something. mochi wasn't adopted. she's my biologic child..." "that was that... brother why did you told us she was adopted ? why have lied ?" Asked brulée "I... I don't know I have panicked. I din't felt brave to say the truth . I din't knew how our brothers and mother would have reacted if they learned the truth about mochi. mochi's mother died recently. I just want to protect her... her mother was here for me . now I have to be here for mochi..." replied Katakuri "I understand but you know they will found out one day" said brulée "i know but for now. promise me you won't tell anything brulée..." asked Katakuri "I promise you. no word will be out of me. I will leave now. take care brother" brulée said while leaving . katakuri look at his daughter sleeping "don't worry mochi nothing will happen to you as long I'm with you"

[elliebear666]

People that are LOOKING for something will create the proof they need even if there isn't any in reality.

Case in point:

HOT TAKE CANCEL ME, DADDY YES PLS

Just because an adult person games with younger people, even kids, does not mean they are a groomer and a kiddy fucker lmao. Gaming with anyone and everyone, and being okay with them wanting to keep gaming is not weird.

I have played with old people, I have played with kids, I have played with teens, young adults, middle aged dudes having mid-life crises. I have played with mom's and their kids.

If y'all wanted a response, here it is. I am so annoyed rn lmao

If you're uncomfortable because I'm okay gaming with anyone, and not booting people from my party when they join? Too bad? I'm gonna keep gaming, and if a lil dude/dudette wants to join my party, I'm not gonna kick him or her.

If my response gives you "not all men" energy then good honestly lol. I literally stated the statistical reality that women aren't often seen as child predators simply because they are women lol and apparently THAT was suspect too. Like that's a valid statistic. "If a man games with kids he's a kiddy fucker!" Literal paraphrased quote.

I honestly think it is y'all out here accusing people of being pedophiles and groomers when they're just playing video games that is the problem. I hope you people see this too because it is absurd. I felt put on trial for saying, "I game with kids sometimes and sometimes they even confide in me and I listen." Why is that wrong? Older people confide in me too. I don't see the difference? Sometimes these kids have no one to fucking talk to.

There is no winning with people like you. You'll find what you're looking for even if you have to reach, gaslight, and twist people's words to create it lmao

When did platonic connections with people younger than us become something that makes you uncomfortable? That doesn't make sense. Not everyone is trying to fuck your kids, dude.

Also, inappropriate joke incoming: Your fat, ugly kid isn't exactly prime meat for pedos XD

Now that I said that, let's continue.

I'm not going to kick kids from my party if they wanna game. I'm just not. If a lil dude wants to join with me, fine.

If the kid starts saying weird, inappropriate shit, I'm not gonna entertain it. I've had dumbass teen boys say all kinds of fucked up shit to me. Block. Ignore. Move on.

I genuinely and truly don't understand why gaming with anyone is an issue?

If someone's implications, insinuations, and literal word twisting is their proof, believe whatever. Defending oneself isn't wrong. If I protest too much, it's apparently sus. If I ignore it entirely, it's sus.

There is no placating people that want to see shit that isn't there.

Y'all are wack as fuck

"I wOuLd FeEl uNcOmfOrTaBlE iF YoU gAmEd WiTh mY KiD"

The only reason you do is because you are ASSUMING that older people that are okay with gaming with lil people are monsters that want to groom your fucking kid lmao

So cancel me for gaming with anyone that wants to game

Absolutely wack

[michpeach]

Movie magic

When I was 6 months old, my family moved from Zacatecas, Mexico to Southern California. I was too young to speak any language, but my parents and older sisters all only spoke Spanish.

Considering SoCal is so Latino/Hispanic heavy, it wasn’t a huge problem for them to get around, plus we had family here. But my mom recalls being in parent teacher conferences with my eldest sister’s teachers and her (semi) English-speaking and feeling useless. 

“Aquí estaban, hablando de mi hija frente a mí y no podía entender nada,” she said, which translates to, “Here they were, talking about my kid in front of me and I couldn’t understand a thing.”

She was determined to learn the damn language. Film/ TV was a big help. 

She watched Mr. Rogers with us, and rewatched 80s films (Top Gun was her favorite) she had seen in Mexico, but hadn’t cared enough to pay attention to their language then. She didn’t think she’d ever live in an English speaking country.

My dad did this, too. Of course, he worked most of the day so he missed out on Mr. Rogers and other kid shows, but we’d watch movies everyday. 

I guess I didn’t ever realize how many movies I’ve seen in my lifetime, until I started dating my boyfriend.

“I was busy playing outside,” he says. 

Well, I wasn’t. My mom was really protective (still is!) and we lived in an apartment complex in a not-so-great part of town. Sometimes, we’d go to the park or the library. But a lot of the times, we’d watch movies. 

Movies were enough.

To this day, I watch a ton of film/TV. It’s my favorite art form. Without it, I don’t know who I’d be.

So what are my favorite films, and why? 

 5) Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

Directed by Wes Anderson | Written by Wes Anderson and Noah Baumbach 

"I think I have this thing where everybody has to think I'm the greatest, the quote unquote 'Fantastic Mr. Fox' and if they aren't completely knocked out and dazzled and slightly intimidated by me, I don't feel good about myself."

Pretty profound words, for a fox.

This film is one of my favorites for a few reasons. In a very Wes Anderson-esque way, the film is just gorgeous and symmetrical which I find mesmerizing. I've always been curious about claymation and seeing a film like this just peaked my interest.

Aside from this, the story is just flat out great. A fox looking for a rush at the cost of his family and community; how does he fix things? Mr. Fox is a really well developed and dimensional character, with relationships that may seem familiar to some watchers, such as the one he has with his wife and son.

4) Frances Ha (2012)

Directed by Noah Baumbach | Written by Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig

"I'm so embarrassed. I'm not a real person yet."

A love letter to women in their 20s that don't know what they're doing with their lives.

I feel there are more coming of age stories about people in their teens than there are about young adults in their 20s, which is criminal because who really matures enough to truly "come of age" at 15/16/17. I know technically you're an adult at 18, but your brain isn't even fully developed?

This film really reassures me, as a 22-year-old, that it's completely fine to not know what you're doing. It's fine to float through life for a while.

It's part of the journey of life, eventually you'll land somewhere.

3) The Trial of the Chicago 7 (2020)

Directed and written by Aaron Sorkin

"Since this trial began, 4,752 US troops have been killed in Vietnam. And the following are their names"

Is there one right way to revolutionize?

I've never really taken myself as a history buff, but this film makes things fun. It's a story we don't learn about in classrooms.

The story of eight individuals tried in court for starting a riot at the 1968 Democratic National Convention. But was it really them? And did everyone at the defendants table need to be there?

The film itself is a riot. It's quick, but also poses questions about ethics behind badges and benches, which are questions that remain unanswered even today.

2) Little Women (2019)

Directed by Greta Gerwig | Written by Greta Gerwig Sarah Polley

"Life is too short to be angry at one's sisters"

I feel like anyone who has read the novel by Louisa May Alcott can understand what a wonderful and joyous group of girls the March sisters are.

Now mix that with Greta Gerwig's creative hand and some of the most beautiful costumes in the world and you get the 2019 film rendition of this beloved tale.

Aside from the story, the actors were just phenomenal in their delivery. I wouldn't expect less from Saoirse Ronan, Florence Pugh, Emma Watson, Timothée Chalamet (whom I'm in love with), Laura Dern, Bob Odenkirk, and the Meryl Streep. Wow! I hadnt even realized how many true stars were in this one. Amazing.

This is another coming of age film for women in their 20s. Sure, it's a different time entirely, but the message is the same. Women will, in their own time, know what's best for them.

1) Big Fish (2003)

Directed by Tim Burton | Written by John August

"I saw my death in that eye, and this isn't how it happens."

"So how does it happen?"

"Surprise ending. Wouldn't want to ruin it for you."

I have only seen my father cry in one movie, and this is it. Could it be the complex relationship between father and son shown on screen resonates with him? Or that is particularly a beautiful film? I've never asked him.

What makes me cry about this movie is that it's a build up to the ultimate ending. You see this man, slightly delusional, living his life through stories and you soon realize that perhaps its not an unfortunate way to live. It could be quite fulfilling.

I don't think I've ever seen another movie about wild imagination past adolescence, but it's a wonderful thing.

[travelingmonkey]

I am really upset.

I'm mad but I'm also heartachingly sad but I also feel lonely and I don't know how to make it stop.

I started my application for Betterhelp (shoutout to distractable) but won't have the funds to start that until 2 months and that just made my mole hill into Mt. Everest.

I live with my daughter and Husband but he doesn't feel like a safe place to go to and I'm not going to traumatize my daughter with my problems. My best friend lives in a small city south of us and it doesn't feel right to talk to my blood family.

This is the one place my Husband doesn't go to very often (all of the other socials he's on constantly so if I posted anything there he would know right away) so this is where I'll talk.

Hopefully this will just get buried in everyone's feed but if you do run across this post, you're forewarned that this isn't an uplifting blurb.

I am hurt and I need to let it out to work through it. Atleast until I can afford Betterhelp.

I feel as though I can't trust my husband. About a month back I found out he was dragging my name through the mud literal days after my dad passed. I called him out on it and to his credit he didn't try defending himself, he just accepted he fucked up and he was sorry.

The thing is he's fucked up before and I still haven't recovered from that either. And now I'm finding myself asking if this relationship is even worth it. I don't even want to go to him with how I'm feeling because I'm afraid he'll either push it to the side or go behind my back and talk shit about me again. Or better yet, him blaming all this on a communication problem which always bugs me because I felt as though my communication was going pretty good. Maybe that's why I don't want to talk to him, to show him what an actual lapse in communication feels like. Is that vindictive? Petty? Sure. But so was talking about me behind my back when I can't even stand up for what he said I was doing.

Oh gods, and his phone!! I feel like absolute dog shit when I spend all day on my phone and I don't get half the things I wanted done. Meanwhile he has it when he wakes up, before even getting out of bed he spends 30mins to an hr on it before saying hi to me or our daughter. And then he's back on it again, barely doing any chores around the house, talk to me about the future and where we see ourselves 3, 5, 7 years down the way. Nothing! He's so focused on himself and his stupid phone he becomes irritated when my daughter tries to pull him out of it and when it's his responsibility to feed her she always ends up eating late.

Like, I wouldn't mind if he was atleast a little productive on the thing but no, he's literally doom scrolling and bounce from one social media to the next in need for brain stimulation.

But, oh, call me the nagging mother if I tell him this so he can have an outside perspective on a problem he should work on. Like, I was never good with taking criticism in the past but I feel like I'm getter better. Not the best but better then how I was. But he can't take ANY criticism because he has to much pride he'd rather choke on it then try to be better fucking person.

This wasn't supposed to turn into a husband bashing post, but I guess that's where we are.

On top of his bs, I have my own internal shit that I'm going through that he just doesn't seem to understand. I can't tell if it's from a lack of carring or he just can't sympathize. Whatever it is, I can't go to him, good communication or otherwise.

As I said earlier, my dad passed. It happened back in August and we held a funeral for him in September. So where does that leave me? Well, I'm the only family in town for my mom and now she's living by herself in a house ment for a family. (She told me she hasn't eaten a dinner by herself in over 50 years). So once my lease is up I'm moving back into my childhood home.

Fun little tidbit, she is hard-core American Christian. I am not and I haven't told her this yet. I've been trying to find myself for the past couple of years and her religion just isn't the path I want to walk (hasn't been for a while).

Like, when I talked to her about the Roe v Wade overturning, she was quick to call abortion manslaughter and that back when she was a girl, the women would have to go to their church's priest to plead a their case as to why they'd need an abortion. I was quick to exit that conversation before I started seeing red. That was the day I decided to keep my medical history private from my own mother, because damn her for believing in a religion that takes away rights over women's bodies.

Fuck, I just wish I could have somewhere to run to just to sort out the thoughts in my head. I feel like I'm trapped inside my apartment with no safe haven to run to just to be me. Even if it's only for 1 hour a week.

I don't even know what makes me me anymore.

It's late, I'm tired and my head hurts. I'm going to go lay down and hopefully get up to a better day, because this one was shit.