#my mother literally spends so much time complaining about anything sex being taught in school

[exmojoe]

mormon parents signing you out of sex ed in school because “that’s something parents should teach you”:

mormon parents when it comes to teaching you about sex: 🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗 sex = bad 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♂️🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗

[tsrookie]

Alright, so today’s the three-year anniversary of Reputation a.k.a the greatest album of all time, my baby, the light of my life, the album that deserved a Grammy (trying desperately not to think about the scene from Miss Americana😭), the album that introduced us to the most beautiful couple ever, the album that shut Kimye up, and I better stop now, or else I’m not gonna shut up.

So in honour of this momentous occasion (and the fact that I reached 200+ followers! Thank you so much you guys!🥺 Love you all 3000💙), here’s a loooooong post on why Reputation is the Ethan and MC album.

1. ...Ready For It?

No one has to know

Throwback to MC saying the exact same words back in Miami.

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

You should see the things we do, baby, mmm

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

I know I'm gonna be with you

So I take my time

Remember back when MC asked for Ethan to get into bed right away during their first time? Ethan told them that he had dreamt about the moment for months, so he wasn’t going to rush it.

2. End Game

Big reputation, big reputation

Ooh you and me would be a big conversation

These two dating would be the talk of the hospital, and they know it.

Even when we'd argue, we don't do it for long

And you understand the good and bad, end up in the song

For all your beautiful traits, and the way you do it with ease

For all my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities

Think these lines are pretty self-explanatory😌

I hit you like bang

We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't

*gets war flashbacks of the ‘reset’ phase*😭 They tried to make it work, but we all know how Ch 8 of book 2 went😌

I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me

Perfect for our chaotic MC😌

3. Don’t Blame Me

Do I... really have to explain this one?

For you, I would cross the line

I would waste my time

I would lose my mind

They say she's gone too far this time

Do we need a recap of our rule-breaking MC?

And baby, for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away

I'd beg you on my knees to stay

He was willing to risk his (mostly) rule-abiding reputation for being with MC. And there’s no way he wouldn’t beg for MC not to leave him if he ever screwed up🤷‍♀️

4. Delicate

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

Ethan stood by MC’s side throughout the Ethics hearing, when her reputation was completely smeared, and people only saw her as a patient murderer. He didn’t know about the sabotages, but he would’ve definitely supported her if he had known.

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

Commitment-phobia🙃

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?

Sometimes when I look into your eyes

I pretend you're mine, all the damn time

They spent so much of time apart, not able to be with each other, so the least they could do was dream of being with each other all the time.

5. So It Goes (an underrated af bop)

What can I say... it’s a sex song, okay? Don’t make me go into the details😂 Just listen to the lyrics, and all will be clear.

6. Gorgeous (Tumblr won’t let me put any more links)

MC’s eternal anthem to Ethan.

Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine

You've ruined my life, by not being mine

We all know Ethan loves Whiskey, and the second line? C’mon!

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But, what can I say?

You're gorgeous

Ethan Ramsey is famous for two reasons. One: his smart brain, I guess😒 Two: HIS LOOKS!!! HE’S GORGEOUS, AND DON’T DENY IT.

And you should think about the consequence

Of you touching my hand in the darkened room (dark room, dark room)

Ah, the olden days of hand holding in the diagnostics office🥺

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

No explanation required.

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah

There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have

You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad

The wonderful will-they-won’t-they saga. The frustrating hot-and-cold behaviour. The ‘We can’t’, ‘It’s unethical’ and ‘It’s complicated’. MC deserves an award for her patience😓

7. King Of My Heart

I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own

I made up on my mind, I'm better off bein' alone

Ethan ‘I don’t believe in soulmates and nobody’s waiting at home’ Ramsey.

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

And all at once, you are all I want, I'll never let you go

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

This could be from both Ethan and MC’s perspectives. The love they share isn’t something that you get easily. It’s something that MC has waited for her whole life, and something Ethan never knew he needed, but now can’t live without🥺

Late in the night, the city's asleep

Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Change my priorities

The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

This was definitely Ethan throughout book 2, after he finally gave in. He let go of his previous rules and regulations, especially during the time of the attack. He was clearly affected, and once MC was alright, his main priority was her, and her alone.

Is the end of all the endings?

My broken bones are mending

With all these nights we're spending

Ethan’s been burnt a lot in the past. But all those wounds are now healing thanks to MC.

Up on the roof with a school girl crush

Drinking beer out of plastic cups

They act like lovesick teenagers around each other, like, that’s literally their description if you choose to kiss Ethan for the first time in Chapter 14 of book 2!😅

Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff

Baby, all at once, this is enough

We all know about his initial fear of his mother reaching out to him for the sake of his money. To him, MC not talking advantage of him is a pretty big deal, even though it’s never mentioned. You just know, you know?🥺

8. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

My, my love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Again, Ethan doesn’t have the best experience with love. But MC changed that.

I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

This could go both ways, cause they’re both piping hot messes😬 (but love each other anyway🥺)

The rest of this song could have made so much more sense for them if we had gotten some sort of a secret relationship storyline. But oh well, I’m definitely not complaining about the gala😌 (and definitely not believing any of the supposed cancelled storylines)

9. Dress

Our secret moments

In a crowded room

They got no idea

About me and you

I mean... pretty obvious😌

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

And I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My one and only, my lifeline

This is practically Ethan’s train of thought, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

As for the rest of the steamier lyrics... I’ll um... let you guys listen to it yourselves😁

10. Call It What You Want

I wrote an entire fic inspired by this song, so excuse me for the shameless self-promo, but go give it a read?🥺👉👈(totally fine if you don’t! I’ve probably made so many posts about this song that y’all know the meaning anyway😅)

11. New Years Day

Don't read the last page

But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

MC has always stayed by Ethan’s side, even when he’s pushed her away. These lines perfectly explain how she wants his worst times, and his best, the midnights they spend staying up together, and the moments where it’s just the two of them, when everyone else has left, like the aftermath of a New Years party (still mad at the fact that we didn’t get to see the gang celebrate New Year together😭)

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

The above explanation for these lines as well.

Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

Becoming strangers to each other would be their worst nightmares. Knowing that the other was out there in the world somewhere, but not being in their lives would kill them.

You and me forevermore

These two are each other’s soulmate, they know it, even if they haven’t said it yet. Forever wouldn’t be enough for them to shower each other with they love they hold for each other. But it’s a good start.

——————————

If you guys made it this far, then I honestly love you more than words can ever express🥺💙 Thanks for putting up with my Swiftie-Directioner-Ethan stan ass, cause I dunno if I’d ever be able to handle someone like myself. And if you read all the above stuff, then I hope you wanna know why this album means so much to me.

Reputation is perceived as a dark album, when in reality it’s truly about finding love amongst all the noise. This album, and Taylor and Joe’s story, taught me what true love actually is, and Ethan and MC cemented that. This album and these two couples (quite literally) saved my life.

The most beautiful part about both these relationships is that even though they never showed it openly, for the sake of their relationships, both Ethan(in the story) and Joe stood by the side of the one’s they loved, despite half of the people who they knew hating on them, or betraying them. And I think that’s what’s truly important. Forming a true relationship like that, be it platonic or romantic, is long lasting, and I hope everyone finds those kind of people to fill their hearts with. Sending much love, and sorry for being a huge sap😅💙

Tagging a couple of my Swiftie homies: @swiftlydarcy @nikki-2406 @dxnicaramsey @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @drariellevalentine @justanotherrookie

[theloveshackchronicles-blog]

Coping with Depression:

Battling depression is a full time job. In order to keep it from damaging anything going well for you, you must take action. Lets face it, no one likes to be around someone who is always down, complaining, negative and just plain drab. But the person dealing with these issues does NOT do this on purpose. Sometimes, the person battling depression is not aware of how much their depressive behavior effects others.

I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety as a young teenager. After my mom and dad split up and we moved to New York, my whole life changed. I went from living a calm, country life in Pennsylvania to living in a high paced and diverse life in New York. I'll never forget our move here and the strength I witnessed my mother obtain out of the clear blue. She knew no other way of life without my father. We started out with NOTHING! We had some clothes, photo albums and a few other things to get us started but for the most part, our mom had to work so hard to give us our life back. The life we all so desperately deserved.

Here we were. My mom, my sister and I living in a one bedroom apartment that we converted into a two bedroom (my mother has great interior and organizing skills) My sister got the private room as she was the older teenager who needed her space and privacy. And for years, my mom and I were roommates and shared the converted bedroom. We had so little but I was the happiest I had ever been. I started to see my mom flower into this beast of a woman. She gained her confidence back and began socializing and building friendships. We joined a community church where I found myself spending all my time. I sang in the choir and did bible groups with the teen ministry. I was so into it, that I received perfect attendance two years in a row. I enjoyed church more than school...sadly.... I DID NOT LIKE SCHOOL!

Little by little, things started looking up for us. Occasionally, my mom would allow me to spend weekends with my dad. And if you know me, you know that I grew up as daddy's little girl. I was my fathers pride and joy. But after my parents split and I learned why... I didn't really like spending time with my father. I had created this alliance against him because obviously I attached myself to my mother and related to her more and more as the years progressed. Each time I went to stay with my dad, I would get terribly sick with a high fever and would be in bed the entire time. He would try to cheer me up by taking me shopping for clothes or letting me visit my cousins on his side of the family. But my nerves were so bad and I almost felt like I was betraying my mother and would literally make myself get sick with worry. I never had the courage to express why I was so nervous. He was my dad! I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I would rather stay up crying all night, missing my mom than to ever admit that I had looked at my father differently. I think at this point is when I learned to swallow my problems. My problems were a "burden" in my mind. I became the perfect child. I always cleaned and made sure things were organized and sanitized in our home. I got my first job and started contributing to food costs and bills. I became a young woman very quickly. I accepted responsibility without a question.

 During this time, my sister had my nephews... my first loves... my twins. I was 14 when they were born. At this time, my dad moved closer to us and my parents tried working things out. My sister had a very high risk pregnancy and required medical attention in a hospital about an hour away. My parents stayed with her day in and day out while I was home and went to school. I never had so much freedom... ever! I took full advantage of my sister absorbing my parents attention. This is when I became a little less perfect and decided to test my boundaries. My first act of rebellion was when I let my best friends step mom frost my virgin hair!!! My mom had a fit!! How dare I BLEACH MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR without permission!!!! It wasn't like me to make decisions like that without consulting mom. Disappointing my mother was my worst fear... but at 14.... you wasn't tellin me shit!! My hair was bleached and my eyebrows.....holy shit my eyebrows were hideous!  But I thought I was the SHIT. LOL! I started becoming involved in expensive fashion and started quite the sneaker collection too. I had a stupid boyfriend also (rolls eyes)  If you'd even like to call it that. I wasn't allowed to date. So my relationship was hidden and solely a phone relationship. I never saw this stupid boy. He was a bad boy. He smoked lots of weed. I did not. He smoked cigarettes. I did not. He dropped out of school. I wouldn't dare. We were opposite people but he was popular and liked me so why not? Well here's why not. Those bad boys want sex! And girl, you're a Puerto Rican virgin. With a Puerto Rican father who wouldn't think twice about going to prison for killing some hoodlum. Plus, my sister just became a teen mom! NO SEX!! I FEARED SEX!!!! So, because I didn't put out, my stupid boyfriend found other girls who would. Girls with nicer bodies and girls with parents who let them sleep over their boyfriends houses. UMMMM. NO. NOT IN THE CORDERO RESIDENCE. But this jerk wouldn't let me go. He wanted me to be this good girl who waited for his phone call when he got home from his side girls house. That got so old. I felt so insecure. Like what if I just have sex? What if I just see if it works out and he'll stop talking to other girls. But i never gave in. I never let him get the privilege of taking something so dear to me. I let his ass go. I didn't want to feel useless anymore. I didn't want to be second best. He made me feel like I was not worth having something really special. He had to go. I didn't realize that he created a monster. All I craved was the right attention from a good guy. I wanted to hurry up and get married. I wanted a family and I wanted to get the fuck out of my parents house. So I met a man. A man from a wholesome family. He had a career and plenty of money to spoil me with. He drove sick cars and took me on many vacations. This is what I deserved!!!! Or so I thought. Fast forward a few years and this man became my husband. He was my first everything!!! He showed me what it was like to have good work ethic, how to budget money... basically... he taught me how to be an adult. We got married when I was 20.... a few months after my father passed away. My father loved my fiancé. He loved that he didn't have to worry about me anymore. He trusted this man with his daughter. Life was good and I felt like I was doing right by the number 1 man in my life. What I didn't know is what kind of person I would become after  losing such a close part of my life to death. Grieving isn't easy for anyone. And for me, I don't think I'll ever be ok with saying my father is gone. The tiny line of depression I once had as a young teen blew up to be the most overwhelming depression for a young adult. 

For months, I pretended as if the death of my father didn't exist. I went through with a wedding and marriage that I was not fully emotionally invested in. I became a mother the same year. And for a little while.... I felt heaven. My first born entered my life. Everyone was soooooo excited for Madden. My goodness he was and is still so loved. He made my life so beautiful. I sort of replaced an emptiness I had from losing my dad. Nothing was better than being a mom. NOTHING!!  Time passed and while I battled some post-partum depression... things weren't so bad.

 But then... the emptiness started coming back. Nothing made me happy. I couldn't get out of bed. I would party all weekend and not come home sometimes. I had zero respect for my marriage. I didn't want to be married anymore. And who was I going to disappoint? The only person I worried about failing is gone!!! I had built a wall of indestructible material. After 3 years of being married and now having a two year old, my husband and I divorced. The story behind that is a whole notha novella.

 We didn't always see eye to eye after the divorce and it took us a few years to adjust to co-parenting but we are great now. We have learned how to raise our son without allowing the courts to decide our destiny. We do a better job co-parenting than we ever did as a couple. So although this was bitter, things have gotten 10000 times better. That part I am grateful for. The in between times though... they were rough. I didn't want any money from my ex. I just wanted to be out of the relationship so I didn't take him for money or child support. I just wanted out!! But that meant.... starting from scratch... again. Survival mode is really all I know. And when things are good and calm, my depression and anxiety have a way of sabotaging the good things around me. Then... survival mode kicks in. I am more comfortable in my chaos than my solitude. That,my friend is anxiety!!

From the age of 12 to the amazing age of 30.... all I have done is survive. I have mastered the art of "figuring it out" And if you can imagine.... when you're always figuring it out, there is no time for friendships. There's barely time to think! I was growing at a pace that other girls my age knew nothing about. I did a good job at making it look easy too. But it wasn't! People who I thought were close to me became sooo two-faced and would tell other people things I had confided in them with. Deep secrets and "tea" you thought you could trust friends with. WRONG! I felt like I was always clearing up fires of gossip that involved me but wasn't even true! I found myself explaining myself for no reason to  people who held no real substance to my life. I can say that I learned a lot about not only myself but about how awful other can be.

That's when I started to fade out and meet new people and start new adventures. I worked two jobs at all times and on the off times, I spent all my time with my son. Work and being a mother was all I needed and cared about. People would make comments like "you're a bad mother because you don't have your son all the time" GASPS.... why does that make me a bad mother? My son has a father. A father who wants to be there. A father who can provide love and shelter. A father who is present! Why would I take that from my son for my own selfishness? Yes, I WANTED MY SON EVERYDAY. but it wasn't about me!! I had to do what was right for my son. I could have been selfish and been this single mom who does it alone but I didn't choose that life for myself. I chose to have a child with a great man. And I will never regret my decision to split my time with his father. And shame on anyone who makes mothers feel bad for actually putting their feelings aside for the betterment of their child. Its bad enough that you have to make a decision to spilt your family. But to act like you did it alone is fucking stupid! I didn't do it alone and I have the support. And Madden turned out to be an incredible young man!! Not because his parents are fuck ups.

A lot has happened in my life since then. I rekindled a relationship with the love of my life and we had our first child together. We are two AMAZING parents if I do say so myself. Our family is so strong and so focused on love and acceptance that I can now confidently leave depression behind me. Some days are still really really hard. Some days I just want to give up on my relationship. Some days I wonder how I am even going to make it to the next day without checking into an institution of some sort but my support system is unlike any other. I have friends. I have imperfect friends. Friends who check on me but don't require tons of attention. Friends who understand what its like to be spread way too thin. MOMMY FRIENDS WHO ARE THE BEST MOMS EVER!!

The best thing I have gotten from depression is admitting that I am a depressed person. I stopped hiding it. I went to therapy and gained trust in people again. That wall came down a little bit. I want to give partial credit to my age and reaching that level of "fuck it" but mostly the credit goes to learning that life is so unpredictable. People die. People you LOVE SO MUCH! People lie! They cheat!

The lesson I learned is to accept the little, not so perfect things about myself in a way that doesn't haunt me for the rest of my life. My intensions throughout my uncertainty were never malicious. My behavior was only a cry for help and attention. Not knowing that the attention I needed was from myself. To love and care for myself the way I would want a man to. And to stop living my life for others. To speak up when uncomfortable. To love without boundaries or reservations. To allow someone to love me the way i deserve to be loved. To grow amidst such pain and chaos. Depression and anxiety are designed to make you hate yourself.... but you... you are so special. You are so beautiful and so worthy of all the great things you want and WILL GET!!. Talk to someone who cares. Reach out in times you don't always feel so good about decisions of your life.

YOU HAVE A FRIEND IN ME!!

-recovering