#like she was pro don’t say gay

[exmojoe]

mormon parents signing you out of sex ed in school because “that’s something parents should teach you”:

mormon parents when it comes to teaching you about sex: 🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗 sex = bad 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♂️🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗

[bugpill]

If I see any more misinformation about Kamala Harris to dissuade people from voting I will explode.

1. She did a lot of work as a prosecutor to dismantle the system. When she was DA in San Francisco she was labeled as being “soft on crime” which she in turn claimed was “smart on crime”. Harris made a program called Back on Track so that low-level nonviolent drug offenders could enroll in school rather than doing jail time. She has believe and continues to believe that supporting people prevents crime far better than criminalizing people.

Yes, she put people behind bars. I know she called herself the “Top Cop” and I fucking hate that. However, the number of people who served time in jail was significantly reduced due to her program. She’s not a saint, but she tried to reduce harm as much as she could in her position. Since then, she’s called for even more action in terms of legalizing marijuana and I believe recently fully endorsed it publicly.

2. She is not transphobic. Harris backed the state of California when it tried to deny gender-affirmation surgery to a trans prisoner, but as attorney general, she could not deny the state’s Department of Corrections as a client of hers. Essentially, she had no say in the denial of surgery herself, as she had to represent the department’s interests over her own. Once she realized what they were doing, Harris actually worked behind the scenes to get that very policy changed so that any inmate who needs that care could get it. Additionally, she has lead efforts to put an end to gay and transgender “panic” defenses in criminal trials.

3. Kamala Harris is Black. For some reason, people like to say that she isn’t, and that she’s Indian and pretending to be black… for what reason? Depends on who’s telling the lie to begin with. Kamala Harris is Black and South Asian. Her father, Donald Harris, is a Black man who was born in Jamaica. Her mother, Shyamala Gopalan, was born in India. Speculating about her race with so much evidence towards the contrary is so wrong. If anyone tells you shit about this, just send them her whitehouse.gov biography.

4. Harris (reportedly) has different opinions than Biden on Palestine. Whether or not she makes a clear stance against Israel, I don’t know. That hasn’t happened yet, but I’ll remain hopeful until further notice. She reportedly tried to push Biden towards “a policy on Gaza that was both more humane and in alignment with international law” but wasn’t listened to. The only reason why this is one of my points is that I’ve seen a lot of people stating that she is totally behind every decision and stance Biden made as president, which isn’t necessarily true. I don’t want to give her credit for being pro-Palestine if she isn’t, just to be clear. That is not what I’m trying to do here.

I desperately want her to stand for a free Palestine. I cannot make the promise that this will happen. All I can hope for is that her policy will be less harmful than Trump’s- who wants Israel to “finish the job” and promises to “throw (pro-Palestinian protestors) out of the country”.

Conclusion: the fact of the matter is that people make shit up all of the time. Sometimes it’s propaganda they accidentally absorb, sometimes it’s deliberate misinformation. People often take rumors as facts, and we need to be more vigilant about it. What I know is that some people will do anything for you to not vote tor Kamala Harris, when in reality she’s our only hope here.

Is Harris my favorite person ever? Absolutely not. Does she share my exact views and opinions? Nope. Would I rather vote for someone who more aligns with my personal views? Yes.

Is voting for Harris the only way to stop Donald Trump and Project 2025? Yes.

Disclaimer for the blog: To be 100% transparent, this is only my (Fanya’s) opinions. Although this is a shared blog, I cannot claim that my stance and my voice speaks for everybody involved in this blog. Some members are not American. Some may have different takes. All I know is that all of us are anti-Trump. Don’t go after my friends if you have beef with what I’m saying. I’m trying my best here.

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

HBCU CONFESSIONS.

Erik x Valencia

Smut

Part One.

What am I going to do? I’m pregnant and it’s my freshman year. I don’t know if I should keep the baby or not. Any advice?

-Florida A&M

My stupid boyfriend cheated on me so I fucked his homeboy. Now both of them are fighting over me 🤭

-Hampton

I think my roommate has a thing for me. I’m not gay, but I’ve caught myself staring at his dick a few times. This shit is confusing me. I don’t like dick I like pussy!

-Morehouse College

My girlfriend wants me to eat her butt. She keeps begging me to do it. Who on here ever ate ass before? I need some advice because gahdamn she won’t leave a nigga alone.

-Morgan State

I already know what yall gonna say but I don’t give a fuck. My homegirl keep telling me about how her man is cheating on her. He’s cheating with me. I’m the side chick. The D is just too good. At this point I’m already too far gone. Judge me if you want I don’t care 🤷🏿‍♀️

-Clark Atlanta University

I had a train ran on me the other night. No, they didn’t fuck me. They ate me 😩 and it was a bunch of Omegas! Since they like to show their tongue so much I wanted to see which one of them could make me cum the hardest 😘

-Howard University

-I wish to remain anonymous. I’m not as experienced in the sex department and I am 21 years old. I want to hook up with someone here. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations, but I want it to be with someone I’ve been eyeing around campus. He doesn’t know I exist, but he’s so beautiful. If I could just have one chance with him…

-Texas Southern

“I did it.”

Valencia shut her MacBook Pro and fell back against her bed within her dorm room. Across from her sat her roommate, Brielle. They’d been roommates since freshman year.

“It was an anonymous submission, right? Nothing to worry about.” Brielle replied while looking over her notes for her A&P lab practical.

“I know, but what if someone figures it out?—

Her phone buzzed next to her thigh again.

“Jesus…he keeps fucking calling me.”

Brielle chuckles, “His ego is bruised. He probably wants to make sure you don’t say anything about it.”

“It’s been a week. He needs to let the shit go.”

Valencia ends the call for the eighth time that rainy evening. She’s already angry with herself for even allowing that man to have his way with her body. It was the worst experience. Worse than her first time.

“Head was trash, dick was trash…”

“So, I guess it isn’t all true that Que’s are great in bed, huh?” Brielle jokes.

“It’s definitely not true. I just wish it was with him.”

Valencia grabbed a pillow and screamed into it. Brielle simply laughed at her antics.

“Isn’t he a Que too?” Brielle questions.

“He is. Maybe he’ll be the exception.”

Valencia slowly removed the pillow from her face and blinked her eyes up at the ceiling. Butterflies formed in her belly just thinking about him.

“He’s so damn fine, Brie. Like, why couldn’t it be him that had all of this instead of Isaiah?!”

“Who is this again? Girl, you know my attention span is fucked up.” Brielle replied with a laugh.

“His name is Erik. He’s getting his doctorate.”

“Hm,” Brielle highlighted a section in her textbook orange, “How old is he?”

“I don’t know, like…thirties maybe?”

“Since when do you like them older?” Brielle asked with a shocked tone of voice.

“Since now! He’s too fine, Brie. And he’s really smart. Like a genius. He has so many accomplishments. A sexy nerd.”

“He sounds like he’s out of your league—”

“He’s also a TA—”

Brielle’s eyes went wide.

“A TA? Girl…don’t do it.”

Valencia had to admit that Brielle was right.

“It’ll never happen anyway. That man walks past me everyday like he doesn’t see me. I’ll just crush from afar at this point I don’t even know why I sent that fucking message.”

Valencia pouted in bed. Silence filled the room as she laid there staring at the television. Brielle was completely absorbed into her notes to care. Valencia could be doing some schoolwork herself, but the thought of her anonymous ask kept circulating in her mind.

Valencia sat up on her elbow and reached for her laptop again. Brielle cut her brown eyes at her and smirked playfully. Valencia checked the blog and noticed one note. Clicking on it, it was just a like. Her submission is nothing compared to the other wild confessions.

“There he goes again,” Brielle motioned with her eyes at Valencia’s phone, “Do you want me to cuss his ass out? Block that nigga!”

Valencia grabbed her phone and proceeded to block him.

“You know I have Chemistry with that limp dick fucker, right?” Brielle said.

“Just ignore him, Brie. He’ll be alright.”

“He keeps harassing you!”

Valencia sat her laptop on their shared desk. She shut off her lamp light snd slipped beneath the sheets. She had an early class tomorrow and needed to ease her mind into slumber.

“Goodnight, Brie. Don’t stay up too late.” Valencia said.

“I’ll try. You know I’m a night owl.” Brielle grumbled.

The rain seemed to flow into the following afternoon. Valencia ran as fast as she could back to her dorm after the boring lecture she had to endure. A fellow student held the door for her and she made it inside although she was drenched from head to toe. She smoothed wet braids from her face and adjusted her cropped T-shirt. The brisk air of the building caused goosebumps to form along her sepia skin. She could even feel her teeth chattering.

Removing her heavy school bag from her shoulder, Valencia took long strides towards the elevators. She waited impatiently while rubbing her wet arms to try and warm up. She silently cursed herself for not bringing her umbrella. The sunny morning and clear sky deceived her. She stared down at her black and white Adidas Campus 00s for two seconds before the elevator doors opened. Valencia took a step forward and just then a deep timbre sent a shiver up her spine.

“Going up?”

Valencia was halfway into the elevator when her chocolate orbs fell upon the one person she wasn’t expecting to see in her dorm building.

Valencia may have met her match with Erik Stevens.

“Yes,” She stepped to the side so that he could enter.

“Thank you.”

Valencia scooted towards the corner of the elevator.

“Which floor?”

“Six.”

“Bet, that’s where I’m going.”

He has a dorm on the sixth floor? She thought.

She focused on him like she was studying a passage out of one of her textbooks. First, her eyes took in the style of his hair. He kept the sides and back tapered but the rest was beautifully loc’d and braided back. His eyes were shielded with gold-rimmed glasses that complimented his face and made him like artsy. She trailed her gaze down his neck to his broad shoulders. He wore a cream-colored hoodie and khaki cargo pants. On his feet were a pair of boots and in his firm grip was a dripping wet umbrella.

“After you.”

Valencia picked herself up and slipped past him since he was holding the door for her. She could smell his cologne and it was her new favorite smell.

“Thank you.” She said.

She instantly felt warm and fuzzy. He had this effect on her she hadn’t felt in a long while truly. Not even for that lackluster lay she had a week ago. Isaiah who?

Valencia walked into a crowded lounge area with a confused look on her face. She spotted Brielle near the window sitting on a lounger. She was chatting with a few of their mutual girl friends. The grey clouds outside began to allow the sun to peek through. She walked over to them and dropped her bag to the floor.

“Cindy, Skai…”

Cindy jutted out her petite hip and smiled with her braces in greeting. Skai raised her hand and fluttered her fingers covered in various gold rings. Skai was playing in Brielle’s ginger-colored coily hair as she typed away on her tablet.

“Why is everybody sitting here in the lounge?” Valencia questioned.

“Rumor has it, Rochelle isn’t our RA anymore.” Skai revealed.

Valencia furrowed her brows and squinted her eyes.

“Really?—”

“CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!”

The chatter amongst everyone died down to a pregnant pause. Everyone looked towards Erik. Valencia caught his eye briefly and she could feel herself squirming from that small interaction alone.

“My name is Erik. I’m sure some of you have seen your emails, and for those that haven’t, I’m here to fill you in. Rochelle had a personal emergency and she will not continue as your RA for the final months of this semester. I will take over that position from here on out.”

Whispers circulated around the room. Erik stood there with his back straight, arms folded, and poker-faced.

Elusive nature.

Mellow.

“Uh-oh…”

Valencia turned her gaze towards Brielle. Her friend gave her a mischievous smirk. Valencia suppressed a laugh and threw her hands in the air dismissively.

“I will be staying on this floor for the remainder of the semester to keep an eye on things and act as a guide. I know a lot about TSU and I’m more than happy to help. Does anyone have any questions for me?”

Erik scanned the room through his glasses intently, similar to a drill sergeant. For some reason, his presence evoked a feeling of obedience.

A quiet Alpha.

“Well, that’s all I have to say for now,” Erik clapped his hands together in finality, “You can resume studying or whatever it is you were doing. Matt, right?”

Erik pointed to a freshman sitting at a desk. Matt was tall and lanky with designer braids in his hair and dressed like he was ready for a runway. A lot of designer. Definitely attention seeking.

“Yeah. How you know me?”

“I’m a Que Dog. You still interested, right?”

Something in Matt shifted. He stood taller and raised his chin with confidence.

“Absolutely.” Matt replied with excitement.

“Your probationary period starts tonight. You got a lot of work to do.”

Valencia could sense the nervousness in Matt.

“I’m ready.” Matt replied.

“We’ll see.”

Erik walked past Matt and towards the elevators. Valencia watched him leave and when he’d finally gone she let out a shaky breath.

“I don’t think I’m going to enjoy a man being our RA,” Cindy said with obvious disdain.

“Same,” Skai stood up and pulled her tight denim skirt down over her rotund backside and generous thighs.

“Valencia is going to keep me up playing DJ hero every night since her crush is our new RA.”

Valencia glared at Brielle.

“You have a crush on him?!” Cindy questioned with a surprised expression.

“What happened to Isaiah?” Skai asked.

“Isaiah was a disappointment. He talked a big game after that party and when we went back to his room he pretty much did the opposite of what he said he was gonna do.” Valencia recalled with frustration.

“I’M GoNnA MAke YoU CuM,” Brielle mocked.

“I’Mma GiVe YoU THIs DiCk AnD HaVE YOu BeGGiNG FoR MorE.” Valencia said

“oh my fucking GOD,” Cindy giggled, “It was that horrible?”

“Cindy, horrible isn’t even the word. If I could find a word to describe how awful it was I would. Can’t eat pussy for shit, constantly tried to stick it in my ass because he couldn’t find my pussy, has a big dick but can’t fuck, kept asking me if I liked it, it was terrible.”

“I’m so sorry for you, sis,” Skai shook her head, “I really thought he was going to knock the Sonic rings out that coochie.”

“Maybe he was drunk?” Cindy said

“He wasn’t. He had a little bit of weed, that’s it.”

Valencia reached for her bag and stood up to leave.

“Let me go study, I’ll catch up with ya’ll later.”

“Sure you don’t wanna come out with us for drinks tonight?” Brielle asked with a smile.

“I have to train. I have a swim meet coming up.”

“Fine! Maybe Saturday!”

Valencia put a thumb up as she walked away towards her dorm room.

Thirty notes.

Girl if you don’t approach this man!

Who is it? I wanna know 👀

If he hasn’t taken the hint by now he don’t want you.

Valencia’s heart sank to the pit of her stomach. Most of the replies were nothing but discouraging. She wished she could take back her anonymous submission. Sitting at their shared desk in an oversized yellow Nike hoodie and her braided hair in a messy bun, she clicked on a tab on her MacBook to continue reading about Erik’s accomplishments at TSU. He’s an alumni receiving his doctorate in Computer Hardware Engineering. Summa cum laude. Pledge President. Star Football player. Leading place in various academic clubs and competitions. Tutor in multiple complex subjects such as quantum physics, chemistry, mathematics, and philosophy. Fluent in languages such as French, Spanish, Chinese, Latin, and signing.

Overly intellectual.

Valencia could go on and on about how perfect Erik seemed to be. She was infatuated past the point of no return. Far gone. The sexist fucking nerd she’d ever known. But still, it was just a reminder that he wouldn’t be concerned with a twenty-one-year-old chick with no experience and nowhere near as much maturity as him. He probably wanted a sophisticated woman. confident, in charge, and calm. A lot of experience and knowledge about the world and about culture, art, and literature. Someone who can quote Aristotle.

Studious.

Oh? He was in the Military? That explains a lot.

Valencia clicked out of the tab and back to the HBCU Confessions blog. As she scrolled the page, she wondered to herself who could have created it? She’d heard whispers around campus about how the infamous blog became active again after some years.

As she scrolled, an instant message icon popped up. She shifted her hips in her seat and leaned in to click on the message. It was probably some old man asking if she wanted to be their sugar baby or a bot. Valencia’s dark brown eyes scanned the message.

-Hi:)

It was the blog. HBCU Confessions. The owner.

-Hello ❤️

Why would they message her?

-I read your submission. Probably the most innocent out of them all.

Valencia didn’t know how to take that. Was it an issue?

-Unfortunately for you, I don’t have THAT MUCH excitement in my life lol

-Nothing wrong with that. It prompted me to message you personally.

-It was that interesting? Lol

-I’d like to understand and see if I could give you some advice.

-Thank you! I’d actually love some advice. 🥰

-Perfect. What makes it an unrealistic expectation? Because I can tell you now, I doubt it is.

-He’s on a different level than me. He’s also older than me. Idk I just get this vibe that he wouldn’t be interested.

Valencia grabbed her hot pink Stanley cup to take a sip of water.

-How much older? I know you’re 21.

-All I know is that he’s in his 30s.

-I’m still not seeing where it’s unrealistic. Have you tried anything at all? A smile? Anything?

-No. I’ve been too shy to.

-Shy or afraid of rejection?

-BOTH.

-You gotta break out of that.

-Do you know for sure if he’s single?

-I’ve seen him around campus with this professor sometimes for lunch but that’s it. I’m not sure if they are dating or just friends lol

-What school are you attending again?

-Texas Southern

-Really? 👀

-👀👀👀

Valencia made a face at her laptop screen. Did they know something she didn’t?

-Is there something I should know?

-I think I may know who you’re talking about. He’s not available from what I know…

So, this person attended TSU as well? Makes sense now why they singled out her confession.

-Who am I talking about then? ���

-He’s 33 by the way.

Valencia’s shoulders slumped.

-This still doesn’t confirm that we’re talking about the same person.

-He’s a Nupe, right?

-No. he’s a Que. lol

-You sure? He’s about 6’0, teaches chemistry, spends time with that one English Literature professor…

Valencia considered their description of Erik but she was sure he said that he was a Que Dog earlier. And he’s a TA for quantum physics not chemistry. The only similarity is the English Lit teacher. Professor Boyd.

-I don’t think we’re talking about the same person. Send me a picture.

Valencia waited two minutes before a picture popped up in their chat.

-His name is James Parham.

-He’s cute but that’s not my crush 😂

-Well then I have no idea who you’re talking about lol.

-wait!

Valencia waited. She stood up from her seat at the desk to grab her phone from the charger. Checking her notifications, she received a text from Brielle an hour ago. Valencia opened the text thread and there was a video. She pressed play and it was a lot of motion to keep the phone steady until the video zoomed into a table far off in the corner. Valencia squinted her eyes and recognition washed over her face.

Erik.

He was sitting alone in a booth with a drink in his hand, bobbing his head to the music.

Ping.

-Is it him?

-Yes!

-😌 ohhh so Erik?

-He’s definitely single.

-Make a move before it’s too late.

-what do you suggest I do? Can you give me some advice please?

-Erik is introverted and often mistaken for being timid. He is indeed an Omega and takes pride in that. You can find him around campus reading a book or working out. He’s a homebody for sure. Sometimes you may catch him out and about. He’s a chill dude with this mysterious aura about him. That’s what I’ve gathered from just seeing him around campus.

-I would start off by playing into his interests. He likes to read so find out what books he likes. From what I know he’s big on poetry. He likes to run around campus at 6 am. Need help tutoring? See if he’s offering some study hours for that. Start there and see where it goes.

-This is really good advice! It’s very subtle and a perfect way to get his attention without being too obvious. Thank you! ❤️

-You’re welcome love 💗 I’m here if you need anything. Feel free to chat with me.

Intent listener…

“I really don’t know what to do about it, Erik…”

Andrea, Erik’s friend from college and English Literature professor at TSU walked alongside him in the early afternoon the following day.

“He’s so confusing half the damn time, I can’t even tell if he’s into me or not.”

Erik had both hands in the pockets of his slacks. Today was his day to assistant teach quantum physics. He really wasn’t up for it because he’d been up so late in the dorms trying to settle a sneaky party. Apparently, Rochelle allowed them to party and have drinks which is against the rules and grounds for expulsion. He just walked and listened. Out of his friend group, he’s the one they go to to vent because he doesn’t disrupt them, and he gives great advice.

“How long have we known James, Drea? That nigga can’t express himself for shit. Just know, he’s feelin’ you. He’s always had a thing for you.” Erik replied.

Andrea took a sip of her super green smoothie.

“Well, I’m not gonna wait around for him to speak up. What is he so afraid of?”

Erik turned his gaze onto Andrea through his gold-rimmed glasses.

“We’ve been friends for about ten years, Drea. Maybe he’s afraid that if things don’t work out with you two romantically, it’ll mess up the bond you both had as friends.”

Andrea mulled over Erik’s words. They settled in front of the school fountain and sat down on a bench facing it.

“You have a point. We’re going to a spoken word tonight. We’ll see how it goes.”

“Spoken word, huh? Wow…I haven’t done one of those in forever.” Erik replied with a smirk.

“Coming back to Texas is nostalgic, ain’t it?” Andrea said with a giggle.

“It is—”

“Oh! Guess what?”

Andrea leaned into Erik with a playful look in her eyes. Erik narrowed his eyes at her in response.

“Are you gonna guess?” Andrea pestered.

“Aight, You’re finally gonna write that book you’ve been talking about all these years.”

“No! I changed my mind about the book,” Andrea rolls her eyes, “the blog…”

Erik’s eyebrows shot up.

“Yep. It’s been so long I had to see what was going on with it.”

Erik chuckled, “Nah. You’re back on there? Drea,” Erik shook his head, “You’re a professor now! What if somebody finds out?”

“Who’s gonna find out, Erik? We never revealed ourselves when we used it. Nobody knows what school we went to or who we were. Well…I think I may have slipped up last night…”

“What the hell did you do, Drea?”

Erik surveyed his surroundings to make sure they were safe to talk about this.

“I got the sweetest confession from a student here and I just had to message them.” Andrea said.

“Okay, what did they say?”

“So, they pretty much confessed to having a crush on someone here and being afraid to approach them…”

“Who?” Erik said impatiently.

“You.”

Andrea laughed at Erik’s expression. He furrowed his brows and looked at her like she was talking gibberish.

“…Did they say who they were?” Erik asked.

His interest was peeked.

“No. All I know is she’s twenty-one, very shy, feels as if she has no chance in hell with you.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Erik fussed.

“Because I thought you’d want to know! You need some action in your life, Erik. When was the last time you had sex?”

“Aye, don’t worry about it, girl,” Erik playfully shoved Andrea, “I’m just saying, what am I supposed to do with this information? Like…I don’t even know how the girl looks.”

“You will eventually. I gave her some advice. She may pop up today…”

Erik couldn’t deny that he was intrigued. Could be fun to see how things play out.

“Okay, okay…the log in still the same?”

Andrea smirked, “Still the same. You remember?”

“Yeah…it was my idea, wasn’t it?” Erik smart-mouthed.

“Alright, smart ass.”

Andrea checked the time on her Apple Watch.

“Let me head back to my office. When does your class start?”

“In an hour. I’m gonna head over to the library and do a bit of grading to kill some time.”

Andrea and Erik stood up at the same time. Andrea opened her arms to accept a hug from Erik. She squeezed her old friend and then kissed his cheek.

“Aight, Daka, I’ll catch you later.”

“Have a good class, Drea.”

They parted ways and headed in opposite directions.

Valencia felt cute today.

She did her makeup for once. She dressed in a body con black dress that enhanced her curves. She wore her favorite Carolina Herrera perfume. Anything to get his attention.

On her way to the library after her philosophy class, Valencia entered the library with a grace that turned heads. She took the elevators to the third level of the library, her stomach doing flips because of how nervous she was. She exited onto the third level and walked further into the silent area until she was near the windows that overlooked the campus.

Valencia took a seat and proceeded to retrieve her MacBook, and textbook. She wanted to format her notes with bullet points and colors while the information was still fresh on her mind. It was Friday evening and she didn’t want to spend her weekend catching up on school work. Her cafe noir eyes would look up to see if her crush had shown up yet.

After some time, her attention veered back to the HBCU Confessions blog. She was excited to see that there was a new message from the blog.

-Any luck today?

Valencia typed.

-No 😪

Erik strolled over to a desk diagonal to Valencia. He quickly took his laptop and other work out of his bag. It was the last thing on his mind after what Andrea told him. He opened his laptop and found his way back to Tumblr. Being back sparked memories of mischief and lust. Erik started this blog for laughs and he honestly didn’t expect it to transform into what it is today. What started out as a blog strictly for TSU, expanded to other colleges unexpectedly. So many scandalous things go down at college and it sucked that our people didn’t really have their own way of connecting across HBCUs. So, Erik started the blog for fun, and it quickly evolved.

He’d known secrets about people across colleges. It didn’t matter if you were the dean, a professor, a student, or a coach, your deepest darkest thoughts and feelings were exposed for everyone to see with the option of remaining anonymous. Erik witnessed breakups and hookups. It was a guilty pleasure of his, like watching hentai. Erik had many guilty pleasures. Who didn’t?

He successfully logged back in and found himself staring at hundreds of notifications. The only thing he was concerned with was whoever this anonymous person was that had a crush on him. It’s been a while since he’d been with a woman. Being in the military as an engineer was a busy job. He worked a lot and on top of that he moved around from state to state. Hardly any time to settle down or date. He did date a few women, but it was all a dead end.

Erik found what he was looking for.

ebonygoddess1990s_-No 😪

Erik read the entire thread and couldn’t help but chuckle quietly. He was tickled by Andrea’s advice to his secret admirer. She knew him like she knew her classic literature. He was indeed laidback, quiet, nerdy, and ambitious. The more he read the messages, the more he wanted to find out who this woman was. He decided to respond to their message. Why not? It would be fun to play along. Just like the old days.

-Where are you right now?

Meanwhile, Valencia’s head shot up at her MacBook when she heard the ping of a new message. She read the message.

-Where are you right now?

-Library ☺️

-Usually he’s there around this time.

Valencia looked up and she was staring at him sitting at a table diagonally from her table. He didn’t know that she was eyeing him down since he was focused on his laptop. He wore a pair of slim fit paisley and gray pants with a white button down shirt and brown loafers.

-He’s here now 😳

Erik sat up straighter and his eyes locked with Valencia’s. She quickly averted her gaze to her laptop, tucking her braids behind her left ear. Erik took his time admiring Valencia. His eyes started at her feet. She wore a pair of black gladiator sandals with silver spikes on them. She had red painted toes and smooth, brown legs. His onyx eyes ascended further up her body, over the curve of her hip, the hourglass shape of her waist, her toned arms, ample cleavage, neatly braided hair, and then finally her beautiful face.

He really really liked the shape of her lips. Large and wide set with a plump, pouty appearance and equally full on the top and bottom. He’d seen plenty of beautiful women every day, but whoever this girl was, she was the most beautiful. It was her rich, brown skin. Her pretty doe eyes. That body. Erik was certain that she’s his secret admirer, but he needed to be sure. Excitement brewed in him as he typed a response.

-You should say hi. Get his attention.

-I’m nervous 😭

-Don’t be. Just go for it. How else will you know if he’s interested?

-I dare you to give him a flirty wave with a seductive smile. 😏

Valencia’s eyes went round with surprise. That was bold. Bolder than she initially planned to be. She cleared her throat and turned in her seat. Crossing one leg over the other, Valencia flipped her braids so that it gave her a messy look and then she made her eyes look sleepy and hypnotic like Dorothy Dandridge. She took a deep breath in and focused her gaze on Erik steadily. After five seconds, he looked up and did a double take. Valencia raised a small hand and waved at him slowly while her lips were formed in a smile.

Erik simply smirked at her and raked his eyes up and down her frame. That’s all. He just smirked at her and then he dropped his gaze back to his laptop. Valencia gripped the back of her chair to try and calm her racing heart. That slight interaction had her bewitched. He smirked at her and he checked her out. She wanted to jump up and down.

Ping.

-How did it go?

-He smiled at me and then he looked me up and down. 😭 clearly he likes what he sees!

Erik nibbled on his bottom lip to control the urge to smile with all of his teeth. This was so much fun. The most fun he’d had an a long time. It was good to be back.

Erik packed his things so that he could be on his way to the class he needed to assist. As he was getting ready to leave, he felt his phone vibrating with an incoming call. He plucked his cell from his pocket and brought it to his ear. His eyes connected with Valencia’s briefly before turning away.

“Hello? Hey…I was headed there now—really? You sure? Okay…no, no…it’s all good. Uh…I’ll just finish grading everything and drop it off later? Perfect. Alright…see you next Friday…”

Erik ended the call. Fuck it. He didn’t want to assist that class today anyway now that something and someone had his attention more. He stole a glance at her and she was reading from a philosophy textbook. He knew philosophy well. So well that he tutored for it. Erik had an idea. He took his seat again and brought his laptop back out. He opened it to the messages and began typing away.

-That’s a good thing 😌 What’s he doing now?

-He was going to leave but changed his mind. I wonder why. Hmmm…maybe he can’t get enough of me lol

-maybe 🤔 lol. What are you doing now? Are you studying?

-I am. It’s philosophy. It’s so boring but I have to do it.

-Philosophy, huh? He actually tutors philosophy.

Valencia giggled to herself and shook her head.

-Why am I not surprised. He’s so smart 😍

Erik licked his lips. She was infatuated with his intellect. He liked that.

-You want another dare?

Valencia looked heavenward. Erik peeked over at her.

-Okay. What do you dare?

Valencia’s eyes veered from her laptop to Erik again.

Ping.

-I dare you to ask him to be your tutor.

Valencia exhaled louder than she’d expected to. She brought a hand to her belly to calm the butterflies. That actually wouldn’t be a bad idea. She just needed to calm her nerves. Valencia counted down from ten in her head and stood up from her seat. She paused with her fingertips against her philosophy textbook before lifting it from the table. She pressed it against her, beneath her cleavage, hugging it with both arms like those school girls from teen dramas.

She started making her way towards him slowly. Erik didn’t look away from his laptop until she was standing next to him. Being that close to him, his features more prominent, Valencia couldn’t find the words to speak. Erik looked up at her through his glasses and gave her a friendly smile before recognition washed over his face.

“Hi.” Erik said.

“Hi…”

Valencia shifted her focus on the empty seat at the table. She took a moment to gather herself before scooting out the chair and making herself comfortable.

“Weren’t you in the elevator the other day?” Erik said.

“Yeah…yeah that was me,” Valencia smiles.

Erik nodded his head, “You look different.”

She wasn’t as dolled up and she was soaked from head to toe.

“I didn’t look very flattering,” Valencia released a dry chuckle, growing more bashful the more his eyes were on her.

“No, what I mean is…you’re not all wet.”

Valencia blinked at Erik. Heat crept up her face. The way he said wet…

Erik’s eyes fell to the book that pushed her titties up.

“Philosophy. What’s your major?”

“Psychology.” Valencia replied.

“It doesn’t matter how slowly you go, as long as you don’t stop…”

He sounded those words out so smooth like he was serenading her. Valencia furrowed her brows at Erik’s response. Her full lips parted invitingly.

“…What?” She questions.

“Confucius. Confucianism? the importance of having a good moral character?”

“Oh—oh!”

Valencia sat her textbook down and giggled.

“Right, right…I had a brain fart.”

Erik laughed.

“Uhm…do you tutor?”

Valencia leaned in, unknowingly exposing her cleavage more. Erik fought the urge to look, focusing his penetrating gaze on her face.

He adjusted his glasses very studiously, “I do actually.”

“That’s perfect actually,” Valencia folds her arms against the table, “I could use a tutor. You seem to be well versed in the subject.”

Valencia looked at Erik expectantly with those doe eyes and honestly she could have whatever she wanted if she kept staring at him like that.

“Are you asking me?” Erik quirked a brow.

“…Please?”

Valencia folded her hands and pouted her bottom lip. It was adorable.

“Are you free after five?” Erik inquired.

“I am, actually. Tonight I have plans with friends but I can meet at five.”

“Alright,” Erik shut his laptop, “We can study in the lounge at the dorms. Wait…”

Erik touched Valencia’s arm, stopping her from standing. The hairs on her arm stood up like a jolt of electricity coursed through her.

“I didn’t catch your name…”

“Oh…sorry. Valencia.”

“Nice to formally meet you, Miss Valencia. I’m Erik.”

“I remember.”

They smiled at each other. Erik stood up, placing his laptop in his bag. Valencia took her time retrieving her textbook, unsure of what else to say.

“Well, I guess this is goodbye for now—”

“Valencia?”

Isaiah.

The last person she’d hope to run into. He looked irritated with her as he approached them. Valencia fixed her face into a look of frustration and Erik noticed straight away. The tension between them was palpable.

“What it do, shawty? You avoiding me?”

Valencia looked between Erik and Isaiah. Isaiah loomed closer, draping his arm around her shoulder. Valencia rolled her eyes.

“What can I do for you, Isaiah?” Valencia quipped.

“Did you block me?”

“I did—”

“For what? Didn’t we have a good time?”

Valencia pursed her lips and shut her eyes.

“Isaiah, don’t make me embarrass you…”

Truthfully, she was the one embarrassed at the moment. Erik’s eyebrows ticked up and the corner of his mouth twitched. Isaiah cut his eyes at Erik, sizing him up initially before he recognized him.

“Oh, shit what’s poppin’, Poet?”

Isaiah raised his hand to dab Erik. Erik slowly brought his hand forward and their palms collided with a loud smack and a firm grip. Erik released his hand and watched as Isaiah discreetly flexed his fingers.

“Don’t mind us, just tryna see why my girl mad at me.”

Isaiah clearly couldn’t read the room.

“I’m not your girl, Isaiah.”

Valencia lifted his arm from around her and turned to leave. She threw Erik a furtive glance before retreating quickly.

“Valencia!”

Shhhhhhhhhh!

He was in a library after all.

Isaiah was ready to chase her down but Erik yoked him up by his backpack to stop him.

“Gahdamn, Bro,” Isaiah fixed his bag.

“She’s not interested, One Pump Chump.”

“Fuck you and that nickname. That was one fucking time. I was drunk.”

“Yeahhhh and I’m sure the same happened with Valencia?”

Isaiah glared dangerously at Erik.

“If it didn’t happen that way, it shouldn’t matter, right?”

Erik slapped Isaiah on the back and proceeded to walk away.

“I’ll catch you later, little bruh.”

Erik threw up a hook and twisted his tongue before descending the stairs with a laugh.

[wosowrites]

The Girl in the Bleachers (Mapi Leon x Reader)

Warnings: none

a/n: also i know the national anthem isn’t sung at club games but for the sake of this story, it is. couldn’t fine the request again oops. This spun a little bit out of the storyline but it works. Also, there won’t be a part two for this, some stories just need a less formed ending.

prompt: in which the readers little sister is Mapi’s mascot for a barcelona game and when the little girl runs back to her older sister, the older sibling catches Mapi’s eye.

Jasmine was only 6, but she was the biggest Barcelona fan there was. Well, maybe after her older sister y/n. You were obsessed with both the men’s and women’s team, but being gay… it always came back to the women’s team. You were 24, and the reason between yours and Jasmines age gap was complicated. Your mother had had you at 16, and never married, and when she was 30, she wanted more kids, but found out she couldn’t. So when you were 18, she suddenly announced her and your step dad were adopting a little girl. At first, you weren’t too happy. But then you saw the baby girl, and you fell in love with her. You got her her first Barca jersey for her 6 month birthday. It was stupid things like half birthdays you did with Jazzy.

In all honesty, you could have gone pro. Bur because of a series of ACL tears and knee injuries, it just never worked out. You were now a tattoo artist, one of the most famous ones in Spain. You had tattooed multiple football players, including Lewandowski, Messi, Benzema and Vinni. It was a surprise to you that you never got to meet any of the Barcelona girls through your work, but it didn’t bother you.

When the news came that your little sister would be the mascot for the upcoming Valencia v Barcelona game, you we’re more excited than Jazzy.

On the day of the game, you dressed yourself and your sister and headed to the stadium. You had to be a bit early so that the people organizing the mascots could tell them what to do. You sat in the stands with other people ( mostly parents ) until finally, it was time. Players came onto the field, warmed up, did their thing. And then it was the walkout.

You could have passed out when you saw your sister line up with Mapi, holding her hand.

Okay so you had a little crush on Mapi? So what.

You stood up for the national anthem, waving at your sister who waved back.

Mapi’s POV

I watched my mascot wave towards the stands. I followed her eyesight and my eyes landed on a girl. She looked as though she was in her early twenties. She was wearing a barca jersey, and her smile was… well it was perfect. When the national anthem was over, I decided to walk her back to the girl. "Hey, i’ll bring you back to her?" I said, putting her hand on the girls head gently. She nodded quickly. "My sister loves you. She talks about you all the time. She screams so loud when you score. Or when you do anything actually. If she could she would have applied to be a mascot." The girl said to me. I let out a loud laugh. "Is that so?" I said. "Yeah." She said as she grabbed my hand. "What’s your name?" I asked. "Jazzy. That’s y/n."

Regular POV

Mapi and Jasmine were now standing at the stands and Jazzy had ran to you. You quickly lifted her over the railing. "I told Mapi how much you love her!" Jazzy exclaimed, making you turn bright red and look towards Mapi. "She’s- I’m sorry she’s a bit-" You started saying. But you didn’t know what to say because your little sister was right. You did love the defender. She was your favorite player. "Nah it’s all good. I’ll come back after the game?" She asked. "Yes. Yeah for sure."

You and Jazzy watched the game, Barca won 6-0, an easy dub. And as promised, Mapi comes back to you and Jazzy. "How’d you like the game?" Mapi asked, leaning on the railing. She was talking to you but Jazzy went on a rant about it. "Wow. You know your football knowledge." Mapi laughed. "It’s cause she doesn’t know how to shut up!" Jazzy said. "Jazzy! We don’t say that!" You scolded her. "You said it to Tatiana on the phone last week." Jazzy said.

Your face dropped and your eyes closed for a split second. Tatiana was your ex girlfriend. Things hadn’t finished well. "I’m sorry." You said to Mapi. "No. Really, it’s all good. She’s cute." Mapi smiled. "Hey give me your sharpie." Mapi said. You scrunched your eyebrows but did. Mapi took the flag Jazzy was holding and in the corner wrote a series of numbers.

Your face broke into a wide smile. "Is that your phone number?" You whispered to her. "It can be if you want it too." With that, she winked at you and walked off.

Two days later.

You had probably spent 38 out of the 48 hours since Mapi had given you her phone number, staring at it. You didn’t have the guts too call. You were half expecting to call the number and it being a prank dial.

But you took your courage. You were done sitting around. You picked up your phone and dialled the number. It rung twice before a voice on the end spoke. "Hola!"

"Hola, Mapi!" You said. "It’s y/n!"

You were always embarrassed about how little spanish you spoke. It was your mothers fault really, she tried to distance herself from everything to do with her family when they abandoned her for her teenage pregnancy, and that included their language.

"I’ve been waiting for you to call. Thought you had found someone better." Mapi said. "Ha! Someone better? Be serious." You laughed into the phone. "I want to see you. When can I?" Mapi said. "I can’t today. I’m on my way to work soon. Don’t you have training today?" You asked her as you put the phone on speaker and started getting dressed. "I do not. Free day." Mapi said. "What do you do for work?" Mapi asked. You pulled on a black tee shirt and rolled up the sleeves. "Um… I’m a tattoo artist. Nothing as cool as your job but I have my own studio and it’s good." You told her.

"You’re joking!" Mapi said. "I know it’s not-"

"No! No! It’s amazing. I love tattoos. That’s so cool." Mapi said, not wanting you to think she thought less of you. "Wait. No… you’re not y/n y/l/n? Are you? Like the famous tattoo artist that all the football players rave about." Mapi said, slightly fan girling. "Uhm… I’m not famous." You said, pulling on black jeans. "Holy crap! I’ve always wanted to get tattooed by you but I didn’t want to betray my tattoo artist." Mapi said. "I get what you mean. The bond you have with your tattoo artist is sacred." You only half joked.

Mapi smiled at the phone. "Hey. How many customers do you have today?" Mapi asked you. "I’m finishing a sleeve, It’ll take me about two hours, but after that I’m all free." You told her, putting on socks and lacing up beige jordan’s. "Can I come over? I don’t want to invite myself but-"

"Yes. Yes come to the studio. Please." You said, sounding a bit more desperate than you intended. "Okay then. At what time?" The blonde defender said. "1:00? The studio opens at 10:00 and my customer should be gone by 12:30. And then I’m all yours. I’ll give you the exclusive tour. And then lunch?" You pitched your idea to Mapi who was now smiling uncontrollably at her phone. "Okay. Great."

"I’ll see you soon, Mapi."

You sat at your chair, finishing up your customers sleeve. He had somehow fallen asleep. You added the last of the shading and then put the tool down. You gently shook the man awake and smiled at him. "You’re all done, Leo." You told him. He slowly looked at his arm. "Holy shit. I love it. You’re amazing oh my god." He ranted. You smiled at him, blushing from the attention. "Want a picture?" You asked him.

He nodded and you took one with his phone and one with your own, posting it to your instagram.

Only ten minutes after he left, Mapi walked into the studio. You were cleaning your tools and your back was turned to the door so you jumped slightly when you felt a hand on your back.

You turned around quickly. "Oh my god. Mapi you scared me." You laughed, hugging her gently. "Lo siento. I didn’t mean too." She told you, pulling away from the hug and smiling at you, your faces close. "So… I know I didn’t outwardly ask you, which is my bad, but this is a date right. Not just a friendly hangout?" Mapi said, fidgeting with her fingers.

"I got that, yeah." You laughed.

Mapi smiled at you and sat down in the customer chair. "I want you too tattoo me." She said.

Your eyes widened significantly, yeah, it would be the same as tattooing another customer but this was Mapi León. "What?" You said, a little loudly.

"I’ve always wanted a tattoo from you. And what better first date?" Mapi said. "It’s original, I’ll give you that." You smiled at her.

You took a while to think. "Okay. What do you want?"

"I’ve been wanting this one for a while." Mapi said, pulling out a picture of a sketch from her phone. "I like it. Let’s do it." You said.

You got out your tools and your ink and then made a sketch on paper. Mapi watched you as you drew down what she had just shown you. "You saw the picture once and then drew it to perfection?" Mapi said. "Hey, I’m the best for a reason." You said to her. You then used a trick to apply the sketch to her arm. "You like it?" You asked her.

Mapi got up and looked in the mirror. "I love it. Tat me up, mi amor." Mapi said to you.

Your heart skipped a beat and you didn’t even attempt to hide your smile.

You didn’t feel Mapi’s eyes leave you once during the half hour it took you to do her tattoo. When you were finally done, she didn’t even look at it, just at you. "I love it." She said. "Say that too the tattoo." You joked.

Soon after, you applied care to the tattoo and then decided on where to go to lunch. You chose a tapas place that was close to the studio which you liked a lot. "Wait. I need to pay for the tattoo." Mapi said, pulling out her card. "No! Think of it as me paying for our first date." You said quickly, placing your hand on her arm. "Are you sure?" Mapi asked you. "What? Is my boss gonna get mad at me? I own this place." You laughed.

"Fine. But i’m paying for lunch." Mapi said to you. You held eye contact with her, not wanting to let her pay. "Fine. You pay." You said.

"Daniel? Can you close?" You asked your employee. "Si. Buenas tardes." He said, smiling at you.

Mapi opened the door for you and you thanked her, walking out. "You don’t speak a lot of spanish, do you?" Mapi said to you. "Yeah… my mother had me when she was 16 and her family… they were very traditional and they kicked her out. I guess she just tried to forget everything about her old life and she just never taught me spanish. I hate that I barely know any." You told her.

Mapi stayed silent for a bit and then you felt a hand in yours. You looked down at your linked hands and then up at her. "I’ll teach you spanish." She said to you. You smiled at her. "Okay. I’d like that."

The sidewalk wasn’t busy, most people were at work or at school. Mapi stopped walking, holding you back and making you look at her with confusion. "The tapas place is just down the road," you said, pointing to the end of the street.

The next thing you knew, Mapi’s hand was cupping your cheek and pushing it gently too make you look at her. You looked into her eyes, they were perfect. They were everything. And then she was pressing her forehead against yours, and you were inching your lips in her direction, craving contact.

Mapi gave it to you, pulling you in by your waist and pressing your lips together. You opened your lips a bit, giving her access. But then you remembered you were in public and as much as you wanted to never stop kissing Mapi, that wasn’t an option.

"Tapas." You breathed out as you pulled away from her. "Yeah. Tapas."

[shieldofiron]

Vibe Check Part 3: Quid Pro Bro

The Frat Boy Au, Part 3

Read Previous on Ao3 or tumblr.

Steve wakes almost falling out of a chair.

He blinks, looking around the empty lecture hall and then finally looking up at the girl who’s still shaking him.

“Hey, yo, I’m up, I’m awake!” He wriggled out of her iron grip.

“You have to leave.”

“When did I pass out?”

The girl scoffs rolling her eyes hard, “Like halfway through the lecture, dingus. You snore, by the way.”

“I do not!” He snapped. Billy’s never said anything, and they’d roomed together all of last year.

“Oh yeah,” she nodded, crossing her arms. “Drool too.”

Steve just began to gather his books, “Why are you even here? Just let me drool.”

“I’m the TA,” She smirked. “And I didn’t want to be caught grading your absolutely half baked paper.”

“Yeah,” he smirked right back, giving her a little of the patented Harrington sparkle. “A likely excuse.”

She just huffs, heading back to the front of the room and gathering some papers, “you try to help a guy.”

“Want me to walk you home?” He glanced at his watch. “Kinda late.”

“I live off campus.”

“Your car, then.”

She blinks at him, “you’re not getting in my pants.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m gay.”

“And I’m just offering a walk home,” Steve shook his head, “you try to help a girl.”

She pauses, “you’re serious. You don’t have to do that.”

He nods, “yeah I am, dude, it’s like 9 pm. I’m not gonna let you walk home alone.”

She’s pretty, short hair sort of messy around her freckled face, which morphs slowly from a scowl into a more confused expression.

“Okay, I guess.”

“You thought I would just leave you in the lurch?”

“Not-“ She just laughs and shakes her head. “Fine, dingus. Prove to me that frat boys aren’t all the same.”

“We’re not!”

“Your taking a nap during the lecture non withstanding. Like it wasn’t even during a film day.”

Steve massaged the back of his neck, “My neighbor at the house has this girlfriend, she’s like a banshee. We didn’t sleep at all last night.”

She swung a multicolored patchwork tote bag onto her shoulder, “Can’t you just outbang him? Fight fire with fire?”

Steve’s brows rose as he scrambled to shove his notes into his backpack. “Whoah, I didn’t expect you to say that!”

She giggles, “I’m a TA not a nun.”

“Fair enough. How do you get to be a TA anyway?” He holds open the heavy metal door as she sails past, her tote bag hitting him hard in the solar plexus as she did.

“Sorry,” She says. “You take enough of Herman’s classes that he starts to remember your face. It’s a blessing and a curse, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. And the pay is dismal.”

“You get paid too?” He followed her down the hallway and out into the brisk fall air.

“I thought frat boys had all the money for keg parties and togas and house dues and lawsuits…”

“Not all of us,” He scoffs, as if he isn’t absolutely the exact type of guy she’s talking about. “It’s always good to let the brothers know about stuff like this.”

She rolls her eyes, “I can’t believe you actually talk like that.”

“What? Brothers?”

“Yeah,” she raises one shoulder. “Isn’t your boyfriend one of your brothers? Isn’t that a bit creepy?”

At first he thinks it’s the fall wind. That whooshing sound.

“What?” He realizes he’s frozen, locked to the spot in his adidas slides, staring at a tree rather than her.

“Oh,” She falters in her skipping. “Did you two break up?”

“Who are you talking about?”

“Uh, I don’t really know his name but he used to walk you to class last semester for Women in Film? Blonde guy with the curls? He has an embarrassing and frankly dated 80s thing going on?” She blinks at him. “God, you did break up. I’m so sorry, Steve.”

“How… wh… we’re not boyfriends,” he finally manages to stutter after a few seconds of autumn-chilled silence.

“Oh,” Her expression morphs into pity and it’s fucking awful. “I get it.”

“No, no I… we’re not like that at all. Billy and I are roommates. We’re…” he couldn’t bring himself to say brothers, his mind still scrambled. “Friends.”

“Oh.” She tips her chin down. “Sorry. My mistake.”

After another stilted second, they start to walk again with purpose towards the parking garage.

But she keeps sort of glancing over at him. Like she’s checking.

“We’re just friends,” He repeats after a moment.

“Got it.”

“Nothing going on there.”

“Okay.”

“And we’re straight.”

“Interesting how that came up last.”

“I’m fucking serious. We’re just friends.”

“Got it. Broken gaydar. It happens,” She shrugs, and he tries to do it too. Just like… no big deal.

But he can’t seem to stop wanting to say it. They’re just friends. How could anyone read them as anything else.

The more he thinks about it the funnier it seems. Of course nothing is going on, it’s so crazy that she thought so. He’ll have to tell Billy, even though the idea makes him feel like he has a nest of angry scorpions in his stomach.

Finally, they turn sharply for the nearest dorm, just past the garage near the theatre building.

“I thought you said you lived off campus.”

“I thought you might be a serial killer. I don’t know which one of us is more disappointed.”

He laughed through his choked throat. “I’m Steve, by the way.”

“I know. You’re Steve ‘the Hair’ Harrington. You’re the party chair for Theta House and you’re like,” she puts on a silly high voice, “so cute.”

“And straight.”

“And straight, that too,” she giggles a little nervously. “I’m Robin Buckley. We’ve had classes together for two years.”

He rocks back on his heels, “you did the John Waters short for Dr Casey’s class. That shit was legit.”

“That’s me,” She smiled, “sorry about confusing you and you’re friend earlier. You’re just so… anyway. See you next time.”

“See you next time, Robin,” He says.

The whole way back to the house he can’t shake the feeling. Like a leaf blowing on the back of his leg he’s jumpy, sure he’s feeling spiders and skeletons.

He whips out his phone and dials the first number he can think of. Surely it will all just seem like a joke tomorrow. A harmless mistake.

“Hey,” Billy picks up on the second ring.

And it’s like all the words in the world have dried up in his throat and he can’t speak for the corpses. He just makes a little aborted wheeze.

“Stevie? What’s up?” Billy asks.

“D-do… do I snore?” He asks, not even sure where that came from.

“A little. But it’s cute. Why, is some girl giving you grief?”

Steve is so nervous he just up and disconnects the call. The wind blows at the name of his neck and his whole body breaks out in goosebumps.

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 30

chapter 49:

1. jegulus jumpscare (it’s a dream i wasn’t expecting)

2. shit. the dream is about their wedding plans. i- i can’t do this shit while reg is in the arena

3. shit it’s raining and i know reg can’t handle it because of the last crimson river/arena

4. god, sirius wakes up to the rain and his first thought it to go save regulus

5. “"Lily, have you been using sex for favors?"

"No." Lily pauses, then snorts. "Well, alright, so this is how it works, yeah? I'm already having sex, and then I'm like, say, look at you all laid out and desperate to give me what I want; don't you want to do this very small, very simple thing for me? And then they mostly always say yes, and they get what they want, all while I'm having a grand time and also getting what I want. See? Win-win.””

😭😭😭 i love her your honor

6. “”I cannot believe that this revolution is partially running on your competency in sex."

"Oh, if only it could fully run on that. Everything would go so smoothly. Shit, we'd win the war in, like, a week.""

😭😭😭💍♥️ marry me please

7. “”I keep telling [Effie] I know exactly how to make her feel better, but she insists she's a married woman, and also far too old for me. Disappointing, really.”” 😭😭😭

8. james confronting lucius has me scared for remus. like, i know they can’t trace it back to remus, but i’m so scared

9. james is pissed at the world and it’s honestly scary

10. i know james is trying to use donations, but i’m also aware that riddle wants to make sure no donations make it to reg, sirius, or marlene

11. “"Aw, your boyfriend sent you a present," Rabastan teases, his tone lighthearted and good-natured.

"Fiancé," Regulus corrects sharply”

GAGGED. he took james’ words and fucking ran with it like nobody’s business

12. not narcissa welcoming james to the family 😭😭😭😭

13. james sent him a bagel and all the death eaters are making fun of him for being gay over it 😭😭

14. all james sent on the card was “???” 😭😭 pls that’s so funny

15. poor eli

16. the sad bonding over marlene and sirius having recovered from drinking problems

17. don’t tell me that the fucking crimson river hands are coming out the hedges. i- god i hope reg gets to personally witness riddle’s downfall

18. AND THE FUCKING GREEN MIST??? FUCK THIS

19. “You never truly do feel as alive as when death is breathing down your neck.”

oh he’s insane as hell. a black for sure

20. shit. sirius’ mind just went blank in the maze

21. the hallow is cruel beyond belief for this

22. “He has had dreams of Regulus, ah, using his dagger during…intimate moments, but is that something he'd actually do? Well… Okay, bad example.” 😭😭😭😭

23. james was so close to an epiphany about mcgonnagal making everyone hate the games. he was so close

24. “Thorfinn said he'd have to be killed to be stopped from going after Sirius, even though Regulus explicitly told him what he'd do about that, and so Regulus killed him. Newton's third law: for every action in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

bitch do not pull physics into this 😭😭

also that means that sir isaac newton existed in this universe, which if we see this as a future for our universe, it means that homophobia was prevalent at one point and the world straight up just eradicated it. 🤷🏽‍♀️ pro for this universe ig

25. “When he lifts his head, the first thing Regulus sees is his brother.

The second thing he sees is Sirius' fist, just the flash of it, just seconds before it collides with the side of his face.”

he had it coming fr

[cloud-makers-make-pollution]

I mean I realise that I probably should’ve done an intro ages ago seeing as I’ve been active for months but hey Ho hERE WE GO

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

hi!

so

I’m a minor

I’m queer

I’m pro Palestinian

and if you’ve got a problem with that, with all due respect, fuck off.

I aim to type in all lowercase or some weird combination of lower and upper case but I rarely use capital letters at the start of words, I don’t know why, it just seems aesthetically pleasing.

uhm

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

✨ interests✨

Musicals, especially Les Mis and Moulin Rouge, Hamilton and Six are awesome too

music? I suppose? it depends what’s happening with it

bothering the fuck out of my friends

being as gay as I possibly can

simping over people cause I can and cause they’re sO ATTRACTIVE LIKE WHAT WHO ALLOWED THEM TO BE LIKE THIS

les mis

enjolras, specifically.

more specifically, modern au enjoltaire fanfiction it’s beautiful and the epitome of perfection

marauders

cats. I love cats.

did I mention les mis

languages? I’m learning French and german in school, and according to my teachers I’m good at it, which I’m not so sure about, and I learn Swedish on duolingo

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

✨music✨

I mean my music taste moves around a lot but some of it is Madilyn Mei, EPIC the musical, musicals in general, Chappell Roan is cool, Leanna Firestone, but other than that it jumps around a bit

I do play instruments but I’m not too good at them I’ve managed to get to grade 7 on one of them and I think I died during the preparation for the exam and now I’m being slowly dragged up from hell it’s not fun

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

✨bOOKS✨

I love reading, and I used to read loads but something happened and I don’t read too much anymore which is quite sad but some of my favourite books/series are:

AGGGTM - Holly Jackson

The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins

Harry Potter - that one blonde bitch who abuses her power constantly

Powerless - Lauren Roberts

Gwen and Art are not in love - Lex Croucher

Heartstopper - Alice Oseman

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

there more but I can’t remember, which probably isn’t great, and there were some gay books that I read for the gay but I can’t remember their titles or authors which is awesome but they were great

I mean just generally, I tend to be very opinionated and can go on about something for ages, maybe because I have a lot to say, or maybe because it takes me way too long to get to the point

If you’re a pedophile or a groomer or any of those other horrible things or discriminatory in any way whatsoever please stay away from me thank you kindly

I think that’s it I’m not sure

oh I really like making friends but I suck at doing it because according to my friend I have the “crippling inability to have a conversation” and I also have zero social skills and tend to not like people but making friends is great

most of my posts are either a lot of reblogs, having conversations with my mutuals, or les mis stuff that I thought was funny in the moment.

people who should be mentioned cause they’re great:

@unhingedyetstillhere this is Leyla she’s mentally disturbed and one of the gayest kids I’ve ever seen she’s also one of my kids but I have way too many of those

@noahher this is Noah Noah is great we have many conversations and he gave me a pet ferret that I have forgotten the name of I should go find that

(edit) i fOUND IT HIS NAME IS FREDDIE

@k-is-for-potassium I just met them but damn they’re awesome

@forever-bi-panic also just met but they’re so cool and really nice and goes hand in hand with @nu-get who’s also exceedingly awesome

@im-a-skeleton-in-your-closet is up here too, they’re great and they send asks that make me happy :D

@bleep-bloop-boo FELLOW MADILYN MEI ENTHUSIAST IS COMPLETELY AWESOME

@feernflower I tag them in every tag thing I get even though I’ve never interacted with them properly (I’m sorry you seem so cool) and they’re a marauders fan who posts cool stuff go look at it

@nothing-but-glitter-and-lashes HELLO this is my sister she’s great and her blog is cool (I’m in your walls)

@ladymoonstardust aux armies!!! vive les gays!!! the revolution must begin!!!!! exceedingly cool les mis person, and with whom one hath a number of enlightening conversation, more often than not to do with the wonderful beings in that one musical about the land of croissant

@sing-me-sweetly-to-my-doom 🫵🫢🫵😮🫢😮

tis my best friend irl <3

thanks for being here!

and as always, free Palestine

<3

[feminismisstillahatemovement]

The law still gives benefits to heterosexual couples that many gay people cannot easily access eg parenting benefits, tax advantages for having a partner who is more dependent on the other (gay relationships tend to have a more equal distribution of labour). I have no interest in having children but for instance if a straight woman had a child, there is a presumption of paternity for her husband. In many Western countries, this isn’t available to lesbians. A lesbian mother often has to adopt her own child if she didn’t give birth to it. How is that fair?

Why not concede you are wrong when you claim that homosexuality is promoted or privileged because that isn’t true? If that were the case and every single media arm is promoting it, you would expect to see the majority of the population internalise this message and therefore the percentage of homeless gay teens to be considerably lesser, people wouldn’t live in the closet or agonise about coming out to their families, people wouldn’t hide even the most banal references to their homosexuality in various situations such as in the workplace, significant political figures wouldn’t be releasing adverts or statements dedicated to attacking us as deviants etc?

And by the way I count on my fingers how many times I’ve seen the mainstream media include or celebrate gender non conformity, much less gay characters.

We don’t have as much power as you seem to think you do.

I’ve been reading your blog with an open mind actually so I wanted to challenge some of your statements.

I'm starting to wonder if you're just a really elaborate troll, since everything you've written above is so blatantly, self-evidently wrong, that you must be able to see it, but you're obviously committed to the bit, and they're good jumping off points to talk about things worth addressing, so I'll bite:

"if a straight woman had a child, there is a presumption of paternity for her husband."

That's because the child is his, made from his DNA. That's because he IS the child's biological father. The problem more men actually have is being forcibly made to pay for the financial support of children that aren't actually theirs, and the state tries to make it hard or even illegal for them to prove through DNA testing that the child is another man's.

"A lesbian mother often has to adopt her own child if she didn’t give birth to it. How is that fair?"

Because she's not the child's biological father or mother. The child is not made from her. Hence, the child is not "hers" by default.

If we refuse to acknowledge the physical realities and innate biological rights of parenthood, then any stranger could just walk into a playground, pick up a child and walk off with it, saying "I'm your parent now".

"Why not concede you are wrong when you claim that homosexuality is promoted or privileged because that isn’t true?"

Because it IS true, and unmistakably so. This is what a police force looks like in every western nation today:

"If that were the case and every single media arm is promoting it, you would expect to see the majority of the population internalise this message"

That's a very telling assumption, because you are saying there you believe that whatever the state forces upon the population will be the beliefs the people automatically hold in private. Which is like saying you expect the Tibetan people to sincerely hold the Communist beliefs of the invading Chinese army that has occupied them for the past 70 years. Or that if your country was invaded by a fascist dictatorship that did nothing but put out pro-fascist propaganda 24/7, you yourself would automatically believe in fascism.

No: people have their own beliefs, separate to whatever agenda the state is imposing upon them. Which is as it should be.

"And by the way I count on my fingers how many times I’ve seen the mainstream media include or celebrate gender non conformity, much less gay characters."

That's a hell of a lot of fingers you must have there:

[wroteclassicaly]

All these people in the gator and fargo tag complaining of people thirsting over gator, calling him a nazi and how dare people find the humanity in him but praising joe for his great job like he didnt find the humanity in this character and played him to be someone you feel for. 🤡

Then being pro munch like he doesnt have problematic traditional values either

Honestly so tired of these people virtue signaling and having no nuance or media literacy for the sake of internet points, its exhausting and they just look annoying and stupid

Okay, so I wasn’t sure if I was going to answer this, because I’m trying to stay out of things. But I’ve gotten several messages like this, and I’m writing for Gator, so I feel like I owe my take on him, which had a major influence on my choice to continue.

TW below the cut, discussing Gator and his issues:

I live in a Midwestern, republican town. Everyone here owns flags like Gator’s, has blue lives matter flags, etc. If you’re raised into that life and it’s all your family knows/the people around you know - you will likely adapt to that way of thinking as well. I was fortunate enough to be able to break away from how the people around me thought and felt, forming my own opinions and expressing my disgust for the blue lives matter crap and the flag, etc. My parents are heavily republican (carry all that side’s beliefs) and so is my brother.

It’s an incredibly suffocating and confusing environment to grow up in, especially if you have no way to safely think and form your own opinions. Again, I’m grateful I could break away and think for myself!!!!

Now, discussing Gator. I just want to say that it never said he was a Nazi! Roy was. Gator was misogynistic and racist.

I’m going to compare Gator to a character called Mickey Milkovich (now this will probably upset people, due to Mickey’s character being a gay man), but I’m mostly comparing fathers/environments. Mickey and Gator were raised by two dangerous and horrific men, who beat and brain washed their sons into one way of thinking - theirs. Products of their environment, (Mickey used slurs, had flags like Gator, weapons, drugs, and even had nazi items on his wall) and what is called ‘learned racism’. They have no safe way to think for themselves, no other people around to show them love or kindness, help lead them towards a different way. Mickey found that with Ian and was able to develop and fully nurture the kindness/goodness that was in him, and he had over ten seasons to grow!

Gator only had Nadine and 10 episodes. When she left he began to let his warped devotion to the only person he had a blood connection with - flood him, outweigh his own personal goodness. Dot said it herself when she said his need to be like Roy outweighed the goodness inside. He was a product of the father and the environment. He didn’t have his own way of thinking, not really, he clung to what was beat and brainwashed into him, trying to find love and approval from his abuser/only blood relative/only person he was around (very common).

Am I excusing that? Absolutely not! Gator was not entirely a good person, and he knew that as well! He made choices he knew were wrong, to impress and gain affection from a sociopathic, demonic man. Gator was responsible for what he did, so this is not me trying to excuse or argue that!!

The only way for him to become free of who he was molded to be (he has no clue who he is, just a weak prototype of what he tried to be, hardly anything that is his own), was for him to become blind in order to see, and start serving his time. They left his ending open, which is a great way for those of us who choose to write for him - to explore his mental freedom and further nurture the soft/good side of him!

We don’t know how Gator would act or think (he was immediately apologetic to Dot and didn’t hesitate to give Roy up when he saw he wasn’t loved or cared for, so he didn’t need to protect his father), now that he is away from the environment and the man that molded him into the character he was on the show.

Gator was still a child trapped in a man’s body in some aspects; his temper tantrums, his knee jerk reactions, his hot headed plans without thought, his bedroom items (the toy cars, the sneakers, etc), his blinding anger towards Dot for leaving him behind (not even faulting her, because baby girl needed to get out and I’m glad she did). The show also alluded to the fact that he might have been addicted to some kind of substance he was stealing, as well.

Feelings on Munch are that he’s got just as much issues, lol. And we hardly knew much on him, tbh? What he did in the past, other than what he said.

Anyways, that’s my take on Gator.

We all have the right to feel how we feel!! Hate or love Gator, see his humanity or not. Some of the things his character represented effect a whole lot of people, so they have a right to be upset! There’s a lot of different factors and feelings involved!! I only look sideways at you if you thought his torture and eyes getting burnt/cut was what he deserved, because that’s just gross!

But at the end of the day, none of us who do love Gator/write for him — condone Gator’s actions! Seeing the layers and humanity in a character Joe put his all into, is perfectly normal/okay!

Sometimes there’s areas in between, and it’s not just either/or.

But I will say that not everyone who feels this way is just doing it for internet points! A lot of people have valid points/feelings about the dislike of Gator, to which I will not/have no business arguing, you know? There’s also other people that make callout posts for clout and false superiority, without even recognizing what Gator actually did and they just pull stuff outta their ass, lol.

If you don’t like Gator fans or writers, then just scroll!! It’s easy, I promise! No one is hurting anyone or being malicious!! ❤️

[lesbianchemicalplant]

Harvard University students and over 30 organisations that signed a statement holding Israel “entirely responsible” for “all unfolding violence” in Israel and Palestine are facing a wave of criticism. On 8 October, the Harvard Undergraduate Palestine Solidarity Committee and Harvard Graduate Students for Palestine published a statement emphasising the role of Israeli “colonial occupation in creating these conditions of violence”. They wrote, “We hold the Israeli regime entirely responsible for all unfolding violence. Today’s events did not occur in a vacuum. For the last two decades, millions of Palestinians in Gaza have been forced to live in an open-air prison. "Palestinians in Gaza have no shelter for refuge and nowhere to escape. In the coming days, Palestinians will be forced to bear the full brunt of Israel’s violence.” They called on the Harvard community to take action to “stop the ongoing annihilation of Palestinians”. The statement originally included a list of 30 organisations at Harvard that had signed on, but the names were later removed to protect the safety of the students.  On Wednesday, billionaire hedge fund manager Bill Ackman called on Harvard to release the names of the students who signed the statement so that he and other CEOs don’t “inadvertently hire any of their members”, Fortune reported. He said he is 100 percent in favour of free speech but he objects to “students putting out a statement holding Israel ‘entirely responsible’ for terrorists’ heinous and despicable acts, but doing so anonymously under a corporate veil while leveraging the Harvard brand”.

Ackman emphasised that people should be ready to defend their beliefs and take responsibility for them. He said that while there is nothing wrong with criticising Israel, students shouldn’t hide behind “a Harvard-branded corporation while doing so anonymously”. On 10 October, Harvard president Claudine Gay put out a statement saying that she condemns the “terrorist atrocities perpetrated by Hamas”. “Let me also state, on this matter as on others, that while our students have the right to speak for themselves, no student group - not even 30 student groups- speaks for Harvard University or its leadership.”

Students challenge leadership On Wednesday, the Harvard Club of Israel issued a statement addressed to the Harvard leadership in response to the “back-pedalling statement issued [by Gay]”. “In the face of evil, Harvard must proclaim that pro-terrorism statements like those published by the student groups on Sunday have no place in civil discourse at Harvard or elsewhere,” the statement said. “If Harvard wishes to be a moral leader for the world, its administration must speak out immediately and forcefully. Anything less than full support for Israel’s right to defend itself and its citizens and unequivocal denunciation of this terrorism is unacceptable and is wholly inadequate for an institution of Harvard’s caliber.” Students across college campuses in the US have been speaking out in support of Palestine. On Tuesday, an NYU Law School student’s job offer with an international law firm was rescinded after they published a pro-Palestine message in the Student Bar Association newsletter.  At Columbia University, the Columbia Students for Justice in Palestine contended that the blame for the conflict and resulting casualties squarely rests with the Israeli government and their western allies. Columbia’s president, Minouche Shafik, said she “was devastated by the horrific attack on Israel this weekend and the ensuing violence that is affecting so many people. Unfortunately, at this moment, little is certain except that the fighting and human suffering are not likely to end soon.” On Tuesday, Students for Justice in Palestine at Stanford University penned an opinion piece asserting the legal entitlement of Palestinians to resist occupation. 

Numerous California branches of the pro-Palestinian organisation endorsed a declaration characterising Hamas' assault as a pivotal event in modern Palestinian defiance, Politico reported. Students for Justice in Palestine groups at multiple City University of New York campuses will hold rallies for Palestine on Thursday and Friday. 

(11 October 2023)

unfortunately this is nothing new for colleges (especially in the US). e.g. Hillel, the world's largest “Jewish campus organization”, is a Zionist org that routinely harasses Palestinians and their supporters

or the entire existence of the Canary Mission, a project specifically to stalk and doxx students and professors who are Palestinian or anti-Zionist

[chaifootsteps]

Chai do you think any of the spindlehorse employees find it weird that their boss doesn’t seem to comprehend what Quid Pro Quo even is? Maybe some have expressed it to you, who knows. And needs it explained to her that sexual misconduct in the workplace is bad, not funny, it’s not tragic just for the abuser cause he’s lonely, and isn’t a good basis for a “soulmates” relationship? Did anybody animating Look My Way not have a moment of clarity ‘hey this plot is a little disgusting actually’ ?

Also. Wow. Helluva boss’ “romance” story is actually so toxic that it’s the reason I learned the term for this type of sexual abuse and how to recognise it in the workplace. It’s (unintentionally) told with the type of subtlety Valentino and Angel Dusts story needed. Moments of kindness but also immediate backhanded remarks, power plays, grand romantic gestures mixed with scathing ones and physical boundaries pushed, and just overall confusing behaviour. Like the constant whiplash when stolas appeared in truth seekers. The victim doubting their own memory and his friends saying it’s all in his head.

For others though, younger audiences who love gay ships in any media just for the sake of it being gay, it’s just conditioning them to see it as quirky or the responsibility of the victim to “set the record straight” and negotiate out of sex.

People are actually using it as an example of what coercion is when asked what it is, and many people say it’s taught them how to recognise abuse in their relationship. This is what “stolitz” could have been. A cautionary tale. Stolas and Valentino guilt tripping their employees using various tactics is also educational. Funny enough, if this show gave a damn about its audience that would’ve been a scene in the show, Blitzø convinces himself he’s just in “love” and even with even Millie backing this up, naively finding it cute (being a meta stand in for shippers who don’t really pay attention) Moxxie in discomfort smiles a and says nothing out of fear, and then Loona shows him a info website that even has the term “quid pro quo” in writing for the audience to see and sits down to explain to him he is very much experiencing Stockholm syndrome and abuse. Hell, this crystal thing is just the ‘flowers and chocolates’ part of the abuse cycle.

And I don’t want to go there again but the fact Viv projects onto stolas and Brandon relates to Blitzø a lot when writing him, and the fact Viv shoe horned in that romance in a way he wasn’t in a position to object to since she’s the showrunner? Eerily similar to the characters in universe power dynamic? Yeah that’s a little nightmarish.

Oh lord, remember those days when we all thought that that's exactly where all of this was leading...Blitz being hit with the realization that he is to his employees what Stolas is to him?

Seems like a lifetime ago now.

[intensid4d]

Like I'm Gonna Loose You - Alessia Russo x Reader

that's a little longer, I hope you enjoy!

+4k of words, not readproof, against with happy end, mentions of homophobia!

.

Football was your first love, your first memory was of you and your father playing together. So you went to college to play and try being a pro. And that’s when you met the true love of your life, the one that were even bigger that your love for football. And that was a girl, your girl. Your Lessi.

At first it was you, Lotte and Alessia. You all soon developing a friendship and becoming inseparable, the three of you coming from England so it made sense that you all would feel less home sick. Then you started to be more soft with Alessia, you weren’t able to say “no” to her. It all started in your last season at the college. You couldn’t stand there seeing all the boys and girls all over her. You didn’t even know you’re gay. It was just so much for you. You never having done a relationship before, why? Well, a guy never interested you but you thought it was because you were too focused on football. Guess you were wrong.

You started to do everything you could to spend more time with her and she never said “no” to you too. It was like she could know what you were thinking, always doing everything you wanted when you don’t even told her anything.

One day you were on the bus to play na away game, Alessia sitting by your side, you sharing your headphones with her. That’s when everything changed forever between you.

“Let do a playlist together, just for us to hear. What do you think?” She asks you, already taking her phone out of her pocket.

“Us. ❤” That was the name of the playlist. You were used to Alessia being soft with you, but this was too much for you to not think that maybe, just maybe, she had fallen for you too. Especially when she started to add songs to it.

“All of me” – John Legend

“Never be Alone” – Shawn Mendes

“Give Me Love” – Ed Sheeran

“Little Things” – One Direction

“Ruin The Friendship” – Demi Lovato

“Perfect” – Ed Sheeran

You looked at her face... God, how could someone be so beautiful?

“Don’t look at me like that.” She tells you, bringing you out of your daydream. When you understand what she had said you frown.

“Like what?”

“Like you feel the same. Like I’m your everything.” She speaks quietly so no one else could hear. You really didn’t know what to say. Your first love was saying she felt the same. Your first love who was also your best friend.

“I...” When she looks away you grab her hand. “I’m in love with you. I mean, I have never felt this before but you makes me feel like I don’t need anything else with I have you here with me. And I think you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and you... God... I don’t know Lessi, I didn’t know I’m into girls until you happened but I’m totally fine with that, because you made me see that there’s no mistake to love someone. When I’m the one making you smile I feel the same way when I score a goal, my heart goes crazy and...” She stops you by pushing her lips into yours.

And that’s how everything started. It was nothing like the movies, you both telling your feelings in the back of a bus, nothing romantic at all, but it was you and you couldn’t love it more. That was the best time of your life, you couldn’t be more happier. Then, be the end of the year when you went home for holidays you decided that you were coming out to your parentes. You knew Alessia was yours forever, so you knew you needed to do it. You were done not been able to post about her on social media Simply because your parents didn’t know.

So, one day right before Christmas Eve you called your parentes to the living room, ready to tell them you were gay and were dating the love of your life. And so you did, but it was nothing like you hoped. They didn’t like the idea of you being gay. You simply didn’t know what to do.

You loved your family, they were your everything, always having your back but now they couldn’t be happy for you. Your mom even said:

“You can’t do thay, Y/N! Jesus gave you to me, you can’t do that! I won’t let you.” She screams while crying at you.

Then it was hell to you. You were hurt, so much. You really wanted to be with Alessia, but you knew she didn’t desserves to be on that mess. You won’t let her be, never. It was all too much.

“We can fix you, no, we WILL fix you.” Your father said before going to bed.

“I regret being your mom. I regret ever wanting to have you.” It all was too much.

You didn’t have the strength to talk to Alessia, so you declined every call and never texted back. You couldn’t. They did got in your head. Were you wrong? But how could it be so wrong? When Alessia made you the more happiest you had ever been. When you truly loved her?

You don’t know why you stayed at your parent’s house, you really don’t. But you were like shit, not leaving your room to avoid see any of them. Only leaving to eat but always at some time you knew they wouldn’t see you. And you couldn’t eat properly.

It was in January 7th when you got a call from Barcelona, they wanted you. Soon you after you got a call from Lotte too, Alessia told her of you behaviour or, the lack of it. To the blonde, it was like you just erased from her life, she was too much hurt. She even thought to go see you, but if you weren’t even texting her... So she just accepted it. You may have meet someone better. Someone who could make you more happy. That’s what she thought.

You din’t say anything to Lotte, not while staying in your parent’s house. But you tell her about Barcelona. And you tell her you’re moving as soon as possible. She could sense something was wrong, really wrong. You weren’t your usual self. Your voice was emontionless, even while talking about Barca.

.

When you moved out of your parentes house, you were still not in a good place. But you told Lotte everything, you told her you were ashamed of yourself, that you really loved Alessia and that’s why you couldn’t do that to her. You didn’t want her to be with someone who wasn’t worth it her love. Suddenly you didn’t loved yourself anymore and that’s was a lot. How could still treat Alessia the way she deserved to be treated when you couldn’t even treat yourself right anymore?

You couldn’t see her and texting wasn’t aan option so you wrote a letter and asked Lotte to give it to her, you felt like she was the only person left on your life. You have pushed away everyone. And when Lotte left to England again, she had a mission to give it to Lessi and stay with her until she was sure she was okay.

.

“Hi Lessi... First of all, I’m so sorry. I really am. I didn’t know how else I could do this. So I’m writing this now... Anyway, I hope you don’t hate me... I could never hate you, I think I’ll always love you. And I hate myself for hurting you and letting you in the dark for so long. I’m so sorry for not being enough, you deserve so much better. I did everything to not put you into this mess. And that’s why I’m doing it... That’s why I’m ending things... Beucase you deserve better, you deserve someone who can treat you like you are the most incredible person in the world (because you are). I hope I can be your friend some day... I hope I can see your smile in person again, or hug you... Yours hugs always made me feel better. I... Just don’t forget ever that I really love you, okay? I’m just so much hurt right now that I can’t be in a relationship... Lotte will tell everything you want to know. I wish you all the best, my love.

Always yours, Y/N.”

Alessia was hurt, but after reading your letter and, after she stopped crying, having Lotte to tell everything that happened and how you were, she didn’t know what she really was feeling but lost was a really close guess.

“I wish she would let me help her out, I wish she could be still here with me, Lotte.” She cried again on the brunette’s shoulder.

True to her word, Lotte only left Alessia’s house when she needed to present herself at Arsenal and before that she made sure the blonde would that care of herself.

.

It took you two years to rebuild yourself, for you to love yourself, to know that there was no wrong for loving another woman. You did therapy every week since Lotte left your new home. You also didn’t talk that much anymore with your parents. Not having been to their house again, it held too many bad memories.

But you also didn’t see Alessia again, not in person at least. But you always kept an eye on her, by social medias and even watching her games when you were free.

Barcelona become your home, Alexia Putellas and Mapi Leon become your best friends too. They helped you a lot, they were the only ones on the team who knew of everything that had happened with your parents and Alessia. So they always kept you in their hold, and you were grateful for that.

It took three years for you to meet Alessia again, it being on camp for the Lionesses. When you got the call, you were very excited but then you realised you would have to meet Alessia again and that made you almost throw up out of fear. At first, when you arrived at the hotel, there was just Lotte and Beth waiting for you, the others being at their rooms.

“Y/N!” Beth hugs you. “I’m so happy that we can finally play together.”

.

“I missed this, you know... I mean, us being roommates and playing together.” You tell Lotte, after greeting Beth, make a small talk and then go to yours and Lottes room.

“I missed it too. You could always come and play for Arsenal, I know they have been wanting you for a long time.” You sigh at her words and she sits in her bed. “You can’t run away from her forever.”

“I know.” You sit and look at her with a frown. “I know I can’t run away. Fuck, I know she’s here and it makes me want to throw up. What if she hates me?” You put your hands in your face and Lotte comes to your side, passing her arm over your shoulders.

“She doesn’t hate you. I think you should talk to her, it’s been a long time.” You turn to her.

“I don’t know...” You can feel the tears running down your cheeks and your best friend take you in her arms.

“I think I still love her, Lotte.” She tights you in her arms.

“It’s okay, let it all out. I’m here with you. I got you.” And with that you cry in her arms until you fall asleep, exhaustion taking the best of you.

.

The next morning when you wake up, you’re still in your friend’s arms. You get up and get ready to have breakfast. When you get there, you see Leah, Beth, Keira, Georgia and Lucy at one table, so you grab your food and go sit with them.

Your mind was a mess, you wanted to see Alessia but you couldn’t handle the hurt or the hate in her eyes when she looked in your eye, so when you saw she wasn’t there yet you knew that maybe she was avoiding see you.

“She always comes with Ella.” Beth says after seeing the look on your face. “And Ella’s always late.” You just nod and starting eating, not daring to say anything out loud.

After eating, you decided to go to the meeting room, where Sarina would do the official first talk to everything. You found a seat in the middle of the room and grab your phone to go through social medias.

.

It’s only by the end of the meeting that you actually lay eyes on Alessia, having been too focused on what Sarina was saying to notice how Alessia sat on the back of the room or how Ella (who was a really loud person) was silenty and awful worried about her best friend.

When you look at her way you notice she’s already looking at you, you could see everything in her eyes, all the good and bad memories. You feel a shiver run down your neck, making you look at your feets. It’s Lotte’s hand on your back that makes you walk out of the room with you not daring to look up again, too afraid to see her so close or see the hate in her eyes.

.

The first time you talk with her was on 11x11 at practice, you were playing against her.

You were running with the ball, having passed every defender and beeing left only with Mary to deal with. But then, suddenly you felt someone tackling you from behind and an huge pain on your right ankle.

“What the fuck, Ella?!” You could hear Alessia’s voice but you didn’t see her. You were holding your ankle and with your face on the ground, trying to hide the tears in yours eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t-“ The blonde forward didn’t give her the chance to say nothing more, coming to you in fast speed.

“Hey, angel. Can you turn around?” You can feel her hand on your back.

“It hurts so much, Lessi...” You groan quietly to her but manage to turn around as she asked. No one of your teammates daring to come closer and end whatever was happening. Alessia took a deep breath after hearing you calling by her nick name, it wasn’t the right time.

“I know it does, but I’m here with you. I won’t leave your side until you’re alright, okay?” She wipes your tears with the back of her hand and you finally open your eyes to look at her. Seeing Alessia so close and so worried about you made you forget about the pain momentarily.

You are forced to look away from her when the medical team comes to check on you. “Can you walk?” One of them asks you after doing the first check on your ankle.

“Yeah, I think so.” With that, Alessia helps you putting her arm around your waist and yours around her shoulder. You manage to go to the physio room with her help (she was almost carring you in her arms ‘cause you were putting all your weigh on her).

.

True to her words, Alessia haven’t left your side and even when you were sent to the hospital to check if there was any major issues, she still went with you. You both didn’t talk about your past or about any feelings at all. You didn’t have time neither space, there was always somebody else with you. Plus, all Alessia wanted at the moment was for you to be okay. When she saw you going down and crying yourself out of pain, she felt all again. Everything she so desesperately tried to bury at the bottom of her heart. She knew she would probably regret it later, but now she couldn’t care less.

So when the doctors said it wasn’t as bad as it looked to be, and that you only needed to rest for 3 days she was relieved. And the blonde, herself made a promise to the doctor applying that she would that care of you and wouldn’t let you do anything stupid. You could only hope it was true, the thinking of her being with you sounding like yet a dream for you.

.

When you got back to the hotel, she walks you to your room.

“So...” She starts saying but you cut her off.

“I miss you.” She gasps at your sudden confession and you take it was a bad signal and give her a sad smile. “Thank you for today, you really didn’t need to do all this...”

“It’s okay, I wanted to.” She gives you a small smile. “Can I – “ She pauses for a moment, like she’s thinking of what to say. “Can I hug you?” She finally asks, for all day she was close to you, touching you (because she knew physical touch helped you in any ways) and yet here she is, asking you if she could give you a hug.

“Always.” You whisper and open your arms, she wastes no time and puts her arms around your waist, hidding her face on your neck. You put your arms around her neck and your face at the top of her head, you take this moment to smell her hair again. It felt like home.

“I’m sorry about everything, please forgive me.” You say quietly to her, your eyes closed so that you could enjoy the moment. You wanted to remember it forever.

“It wasn’t your fault.” She gives your neck a little kiss before pulling away reluctantly. You felt a single tear come down your cheek, and she wipes it carefully.

“You need some rest, I should go now.” She take a step back.

“Okay.” You give her another small smile and put your key card on the door, when you’re about to open it she calls you again.

“Y/N! I miss you too.” It’s all she says before disappear into the elevator.

.

You wake up in the next day with Lotte getting ready for practice. She haven’t asked you anything, knowing that you would open up when you’re ready.

“I’ll go with you to have breakfast, then I’ll go to the pyshio.” You say to her after getting ready too.

.

You’re in the pyshio putting some ice on your ankle when Ella comes into the room with your favorite flower in hands.

“Hey, Y/N... I’m sorry about your ankle I really didn’t mean to. I was just so stressed about this whole you and Alessia thing th-” She stops herself, realising she was talking too much. “Err, this is for you.” She hands the sunflower to you.

“Thank you so much. And you don’t have to apologize, it’s okay.” You take the sunflower of her hand. “How did you know it was my favorite?” You smile looking at it.

“Oh, I got some advice.” You look at her with a small smile forming in your lips. “You should talk to her. If you love her and promise me to not break her heart again I can help you.”

“I really do love her, I never stoped. I never wanted to break her heart...” You look around, putting your thoughts in place. “I promise that, if I ever have her love again, I won’t ever break her heart. Not again.” You look into her eyes so she could know you were being true in your words.

“Okay.” It all she says. You frown.

“Okay?”

“Yes. When you finish this, come to my room. Here, take my keycard.” She gives it to you. “She’s almost finishing her gym session. Then, I’ll text her to come to our room but it will be you there, not me!” She says simply, gives you a little kiss on the head and exits the room. But then after a few seconds she enters the room again.

“And don’t make me hate you again or next time I will go for you knee! Text me when you’re done so I can know when text her.” Then she lefts again. You look at the door in completely shock.

“What the fuck.” You mumble to yourself.

.

10 minutes later you’re done in the physio, so you text Ella on Instagram to let her know you’re going her room now. On your way there, you think what you’re going to say to her but you know that at the moment you see her you’ll forget everything. You have wanted to do this so many times during these 3 years you spent apart but you didn’t know if she would like to even see you again. When you get out of your own head you notice you’re already at the door of her room.

When you get into the room you see wich is Alessia’s bed and you put the sunflower Ella gave you in the middle of it. The memorie of her loving sunflower just as much as you loved and it becoming your flower and yours only. Everytime one of you passed by a flowershop you got one for the other. It was a silent way of saying ‘I love you’.

It takes another 15 minutes for Alessia to come to the room, you were by the window the moment she comes in. At first she doesn’t notice you and you could tell the first thing she saw was the sunflower at her bed.

“Toone I told you to give it to Y/N and apologize for almost breaking her ankle, why did you-“

“She already did.” You stop her and she finally see you, you can see she’s surprised. She takes a moment, then grab the sunflower from her bed and looks at it with pain in her eyes.

“Don’t you like it anymore? I’m sorry I-” You cut her off again.

“I love it, reminds me of you. Can we sit and talk? Only if you want to... I mean, I don’t want to do nothing you wouldn’t be confortable and if you want me to go I’ll, there wouldn’t be a problem...” She raises her hand so you can stop.

“It’s okay, don’t worry...” She takes a deep breath and you do the same, looking at your hands.

“Okay...” You say more to yourself, trying to have some courage. “First, I wanted to say I’m sorry for how things ended. I know I wasn’t in a good place and I know I could have let you choose if you wanted to stay or go but you have to know I did this because you don’t deserve to be with someone who’s broke. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and I knew I couldn’t make you happy that time. It took me two years to be over what my parentes did to me but three years isn’t enough to get over you. I want you to know that there isn’t a day I don’t regret ever letting you go. You was- No, you are the best thing that ever happened to me I think I’ll love you forever, even if I have another life I’ll still love you.” You haven’t notice when but she’s close to you know, so close you can feel her smell. You look into her eyes, her ocean eyes that right now are full of tears and it’s enough to make you cry too.

“And you were never alone, never. I kept an eye on you, even from afar. I’m so proud of who you have became... You’re an amazing person, Alessia. You’re an incredible player too. And you’re even more beautiful...” You wipe her tears away and when she leans on your touch, you leave your hand on her cheek. “Everytime I passed by a flowershop I still had a sunflower, even if I didn’t have you anymore to give it to. I liked to buy and bring it home because for me it’s like a little piece of you. It’s unique and it’s one of the most beautiful things I ever saw.”

She gots even closer to you and put her forehead on yours, you close your eyes when she cups your cheek. You heart beating faster than it ever had.

“You have to promise me you’ll never let me in the dark again. Please, I beg you. You have to promise me you’ll never leave of my life without saying anything anymore. God, Y/N I wish I could ever hate you for breaking my heart.” You both fully crying now. “I wish you weren’t the only one who could put all the peaces together again.”

“I’m so sorry.” You put your arms around her and you both stay like that. Your body and foreheads together, Alessia’s hands of your cheeks and your arms around her.

“If we are trying this again, trying us again it has to be slowly. I’m scared. I love you but I’m hurt and afraid and you need to show me you’re not going to run away from me anymore.” She wipes your tears again.

“I wouldn’t dare to loose you twice. I’m in for real, I’m all yours. If you want to try us again, we’ll do it step be step. And I’ll love you in every one of them. Please Lessi, let me make this right.” You grab her hands and look into her eyes.

“Okay.” She whispers.

“Can I kiss you?” You say quietly and she answer you by putting her lips on yours softly.

You'll do everything you can to make her feel safe with you again.

[wishcamper]

Don't Worry Feyre, Darling: the relationship anxiety to coersive control pipeline

CW: emotional abuse, reproductive abuse

Creds: licensed counselor with focus in addiction, trauma, and gay stuff; experience in group and family counseling, mandated DV clients, and abuse victim support.

Before the mob comes: I am not pro or anti Rhys, and I think his contradictions say much more about SJM than anything. I also believe it’s possible for a fandom to reclaim/rewrite a character who has been massacred by an author.

We’re going to begin at Rhys helping Feyre during an extremely dark place in both their lives. We’re going to end at him withholding vital medical information from her for the sake of “protecting her”. But first, some context.

Inside all of the (amazing) drama around the 2022 movie Don’t Worry, Darling , was a story that is pretty well worn at this point: men deciding they know what’s best for women and giving it to them whether they like it or not. In the movie, Florence Pugh’s Alice lives inside a computer simulation where she is the modern equivalent of a 50s housewife: dresses, calisthenics, martinis, “making a roast”. (She also gets eaten out by Harry Styles but that doesn’t seem to be an explicit part of the world’s design.) The problem? She doesn’t know she’s in the simulation. Harry Styles, in between all the cunnilingus, drugged her and put her in the program against her will. Yikes! Why!

The movie explains that he believed their life in the real world was miserable, and that he was saving her from that by giving her this perfect life. She should be grateful, if anything! What he doesn’t tell her, but that we see, is that Harry Styles also seems to struggle with a sense of inadequacy for not being able to provide. He is failing to live up to personal and cultural standards of manhood but, instead of dismantling those standards, he makes it his wife’s problem by kidnapping and brainwashing her consciousness. Hm. Interesting strategy. Let’s see how it works out for him.

With Rhysand, his motives in the beginning are more understandable - he initiates rescuing Feyre from the very real danger of Tamlin and her own mental decline. He feels justified breaking whatever magic law because of his own experiences being trapped and believing people should have a choice about where they go and who they are. He emphasizes over and over that these choices are Feyre’s and that she has freedom with him. We see through ACOMAF that helping her gives him a sense of purpose after the trauma UTM. His friends remark on how Feyre brought him back to life, never questioning and even encouraging this pattern.

But Rhys clearly has a lot of anxiety about his relationships and closeness in general. He mentions on several occasions that people around him tend to suffer because of him, and how afraid he is of doing that to Feyre. She is very receptive to this and puts effort into proving him wrong. He finds safety in the bubble of their relationship that probably feels pretty fucking good. The unfortunate side effect of this is that instead of processing and resolving his own anxiety, he directs it through Feyre and his love for her. Meanwhile, he keeps his anxious maneuvers behind the scenes, like not telling her about the bond, taking her to the Weaver, encouraging her to learn to read, to train. It may be genuinely helping her, but there’s also this sense of ‘I know what you need better than you do’. And again, nobody questions this.

We flirt with this tension at the beginning of ACOMAF when Rhys enforces their bargain from UTM. As the reader, at that point, we are supposed to believe this is cruel of him. He interrupts her wedding for fucks sake, throw your shoe at him girl! But over time we start to feel like it’s okay because Feyre secretly wanted it, it’s ultimately for her own good. Rhys is the most powerful High Lord in history, I’m sure he could’ve figured out a way to break the bargain, but he didn’t. In fact he engineered a situation where she'd be at his mercy. Why? Because Rhys was worried about Feyre, felt her deteriorating through the bond. Because of that, he felt justified in coming to collect. Personally, I have no opinion about whether crashing the wedding was the right or wrong thing to do. But it does set up, at least in the world of the book, that removing someone’s autonomy is okay if it’s for their own good, if the ends justify the means. In fact, that overstep ends up being the road to Feyre’s life in the NC and her love with Rhysand, a love that is so great she willingly tethers her very life to it. Even in ACOWAR we see how their relationship is a way he regulates his anxiety *cough*battlefield blowjob*cough*. He gets used to Feyre’s health and happiness being his source comfort and can continue to avoid dealing with his own shit internally.

In his seminal work Why Does He Do That?, Lundy Bancroft, a specialist in treatment of abuse perpetrators, debunks the various myths about what causes abuse and why it happens. His thesis is disarmingly simple: people abuse because they believe it’s justified. He says one of the signs of abuse escalation is “a growing attitude that he knows what is good for her better than she does”. Bancroft also notes that abuse is so hard to spot because “most abusive men don’t seem like abusers” (emphasis his) and that abusive men have periods of being charming, funny, even kind. Abusive men often don’t see themselves as such, because the strategy works for them - they feel good when they displace their emotional problems onto someone else.(1)

And then Feyre gets pregnant with a baby that could kill her. Besides the fact they really should have talked about this before trying for a baby given Rhys is mixed race (Cassian and Nesta too, but that’s a whole other post), Rhys claims a sense of ownership over his wife and child almost immediately. He’s constantly being described as smug and glowing with male pride. Even when he’s not smarmy, he’s consumed with his own ideas about protecting them and can’t hear the protests of others. We see his anxiety morph into more overt control in attempt to handle the situation. He believes he’s justified in keeping the danger from Feyre because he doesn’t want to stress her out. But that is not about Feyre, that’s about Rhys. HE is scared, HE is lost, and so he makes a decision on her behalf to lessen the burden he’s already carrying, whether he’s aware of it or not. He must keep her in a happy bubble else how is he supposed to go on.

Don’t Worry, Darling is at least critical of this ‘I know better’ motive even if the movie is stupid, and Harry Styles gets some frontier justice in the form of a whiskey glass to the back of the dome. But ACOSF condones Rhys’ actions and even insinuates our main character is deserving of death for calling him out. Bancroft writes that “part of how the abuser escapes confronting himself is by convincing you that you are the cause of his behavior”. He wouldn’t HAVE to do this if you just TRUSTED HIM.

But here’s what I think. I think Rhys has walked down a path of using his relationship to balance his internal conflict. Anxiety is a force in every relationship, but with Feyre he must maintain her beautiful life where she never worries in order to feel safe himself. I can have empathy for this, kind of - he’s suffered significant losses and it’s understandable he feels protective of those he loves. I think about celebrities with non-famous spouses, and how they avoid talking about them because they don’t want the scrutiny. I believe Rhys thinks he’s genuinely doing right by Feyre. But Rhys is so averse to his own anxiety that he can’t let himself trust anyone else to resolve it. He can’t let go of Feyre as his safe space and almost condemns her to die because of it.

And this is how, ultimately, Rhys traps himself. He tries to create a bubble where Feyre can never leave him, and ends up signing both their death warrants. I hope the world of fan fiction can redeem him, because I really don’t think Sarah can.

And yes, I know it’s faerie porn and it’s not that deep. But this is a series marketed toward an audience at risk of abuse and intimate partner violence. Bancroft lays out key points at the end of the book that feel particularly relevant to the larger conversation:

“Once we tear the cover of excuses, distortions, and manipulations off abusers, they suddenly find abuse much harder to get away with.

If Mothers Against Drunk Driving can change culture’s indifference to alcohol-related automotive deaths, we can change culture’s attitude toward partner abuse.

Everyone has a role to play in ending abuse.

If you are trying to assist an abused woman, get help and support yourself as well

All forms of chronic mistreatment in the world are interwoven. When we take one apart, all the rest start to unravel as well.”

Why Does He Do That? , Lundy Bancroft. https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

[wlw-imagines]

Go Home - Eloise Bridgerton/Reader (Bridgerton)

request: another eloise request…since you’re into writing angst how about lady Whistledown hinted at the reader’s sexuality so reader breaks up with Eloise for her safety?? (Adore your writing and Eloise is my fav!!!) - anon

a/n: ANGST ANGST ANGST ANGST ANGST. that's all i have to say.

also part one of 2, exciting times!!!

also warning i guess of like era homophobia  :-( also pen is v clearly pro lgbt i strongly believe but here she is just trying to protect a friend, i am certain she loves the gays

ALSO kind of spoilers if u haven’t finished season 2 i think?

FEAT. ANTHONY AS BIG BRO

You shielded the bright sun from your eyes, looking up to see Penelope walking over and taking the empty seat next to Eloise, “The day I no longer have to endure the excruciating pain of finding a husband may be the happiest day of my life.” She slumped back into the chair, after completing a quick search to ensure her mother wasn’t watching her.

You grinned, gently resting your hand on the arm of the chair, subtly linking your pinkie with Eloise’s, “I take it the stroll wasn’t a successful one then Pen?” You asked, sipping from your glass of cold lemonade.

Pen hesitated, “Mother did very well in succeeding scaring off all potential suitors left in the ton, if that’s what you mean?” She smiled and shook her head, ridding herself of the thoughts from the walk, “What have the two of you been up to? I didn’t see either of you taking a walk?” She asked. You caught her gaze briefly flicking down to your hands and you cleared your throat, bringing your hand away from Eloise’s, and shifted in your seat.

“Oh, gosh no, I’ve been spending a blissful afternoon sitting right here with Eloise. We’ve been setting the world to rights, haven’t we?” You looked at her to see her already gazing at you, her eyes soft as she nodded. 

“We have.” She smiled a secret smile, immediately making you think of your murmured conversations just 10 minutes ago. You did your best to stop the blush from settling on your cheeks, although (judging by Penelope’s thoughtful expression) you don’t think you had done a good enough job.

You cleared your throat again, shaking off the feeling of unease, and shrugged, “No better way to spend my day than with the Bridgerton clan.”

“Maybe if you like the company of them so much then you should set your sights upon marrying one.” Pen mused, raising a challenging eyebrow at you. Surely you weren’t imagining this - had Eloise told her something?

But Eloise was still blissfully in her own world, her soft gaze still tracking your movements and her chin in the palm of her hand. “I am telling you right now Y/N, you are not to marry one of my brothers!” She grinned and you playfully roller your eyes at her.

“Well, I can think of only one Bridgerton I’d be happy to spend the rest of my life with and I will never say who.” You told her, once more forgetting who’s company you were in until Pen let out a terse reply.

“I see.” She sent you a thin-lipped smile.

You smiled back at her, a proper smile in the hopes of mending any bridges that have seemed to break in recent days. Pen hasn’t been happy around you for a while. Eloise doesn’t think she knows, and even if she did, would be supportive of the two of you, but you can’t put your finger on what’s happening.

You went to stand up, “I should go, my Papa will be expecting me.”

“No, don’t go.” Eloise jumped up to join you, “Do you want company?”

You squeezed her hand and let her go before turning so Pen would not see the two of you holding hands, “No, El, you stay here with Pen and enjoy the sunshine. I don’t see why we should both have to miss out on all the fun.”

“I am sure we are capable of making our own fun.” She attempted an almost-wshiper but failed to hit the mark. You just hoped that Pen, or anyone else, had heard the not-so-subtle remark.

You winced as Pen spoke up, “As long as you can escape the watchful eye of the ton.” You sent her another placating smile and nodded.

“Right, yes, quite.” You took a deep breath, gathering your skirts.

“Whistledown is always watching.” Pen shrugged, a cautious eye flickering between you and Eloise.

“She is utterly wonderful thanks to her wide expanse of knowledge but alas, I doubt I am interesting enough to feature in her paper.” You nod towards her.

She shrugged, “You never know.”

“Well, I’ll frame it on the wall if I do get a feature and I will sign everyone’s copies.” You grin, trying desperately to win Pen over to your side again.

Eloise wrapped her hand around your arm and smiled, “I’ll be first in line.”

“Of course.” You smiled, sending her a look of gratitude, hoping it conveyed everything you wanted it to, and more, “I should go.”

“Okay, okay, yes. Go home and be safe.” She stops herself just before leaving a kiss on your cheek, her eyes slightly wide with alarm at her own almost mistake, “I will see you soon.” She quickly rearranged the panicked-look into a smile, waving you off.

“And I will look forward to that moment.” You nodded, before waving to Penelope too, “Bye, Pen!” And leaving the pair to their own devices.

Pen watched as you left, looking across the Eloise and watching how her gaze followed you until you were out of sight, “Since when have you become so close to Y/N?”

“Oh, not that long, not really.” Eloise quickly looked away from the space that Y/N had last occupied, and smiled at her friend.

“And so damning of Lady Whistledown? I thought you were still excited and trying to find out who she was?”

Eloise nodded, “I am! Not that I’ve got any further than last we spoke. I don’t know... it’s just a bit of fun, isn’t it?” She smiled, in her own little world, as she slumped back in her chair. Relaxing in the sunshine and watching the people of the ‘Ton pass by.

“I suppose.” Pen eventually shrugged. She wtached El in silence for a few moments and then leaned forward, a worried frown on her face, “Is there anything you want to tell me? As your friend. You can tell me anything. Anything at all.” She put her hand on Eloise’s.

“What’s with all the questions!” Eloise laughed, taking a sip of lemonade.

Pen let out the breath she was holding and sat back in her chair, “Sorry, I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.” She glance to El, once more, “And I’m worried about you.”

Eloise shook her head, “There is nothing to be worried about. I promise you. I have never been better. Honestly.”

What Penelope wanted to say was that she had become increasingly aware of Y/N’s intentions. What if Eloise got too attached? What if the ‘Ton caught wind of Y/N’s attachment to Eloise and the Bridgerton’s got dragged down into the dangerous rumours too? Eloise would never survive the accusations. 

Perhaps Penelope had to take things into her own hands, before the two did something particularly dangerous, like fall in love. 

xxxxxxxxxxxx

“Y/N?” Eloise’s voice echoed through the hall. You slowly lifted your gaze from the window, dragging it to the door, “Y/N?” She called again and your heart broke. Since reading the Whistledown this morning, you knew this moment would have to happen. You were hoping you could have put it off for longer. “Toby let me in.” Her frustrated tone pierced through the door. You could hear your butler do his best to convince her to leave but- “Did you... have you seen-?” She asked, bursting through the door. Toby stood in the doorway, looking apologetic but you just brushed him away. He sent you one last worried look and bowed, closing the door for your privacy,

You nodded, “It came through this morning.” You croaked, blinking slowly. You didn’t know that life could stop so suddenly. You could hardly believe your eyes when Toby had insisted you get up immediately and had carefully passed you the small piece of paper.

He had held you for most of the morning as you wept.

Eloise stopped in front of you, not entirely sure of what to do with herself. She crouched in front of you, hand on your knees, “Are you okay, my love?” When you didn’t answer, she gently reached her hand up to your cheek, “I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head and abruptly stood up. “I- I’m okay.” You had to get away from her. She shouldn’t even be here. You were angry with her. Or were you? You couldn’t tell. You were so confused and tired and sad. But you knew that her being here was a stupid mistake. What would people say once they knew she was in your company, alone.

“As soon as I saw it, I had to come over.” She rushed out, her eyes watery and her hand still grasping a crumpled up version of the gossip. You turned away.

“Eloise.” You forced out her name. How could even her name be ruined for you? How dare they take that from you?

You flinched as her hand rested at the bottom of your back, “I needed to see you and make sure you were okay.”

“Eloise.” You shook her head and tried to swallow the lump forming in your throat. You couldn’t say it. You wanted, just for one moment, to be selfish. You loved her. You will always love her. How could you leave her? But you couldn’t be selfish. You loved her too much for that.

“Mother doesn’t know I’m here though, because-” She hesitated and forced her fingers to ungrip the gossip. She looked up at you as fresh tears formed but she quickly rubbed away the tears and threw the paper into the fire. You pretended not to see it, “well, that doesn’t matter.” She clenched her hands into fists so you wouldn’t see them shake, but you did. Was it fear? Anger? You closed your eyes.

“Eloise, I can’t see you anymore.” You managed to whisper out. The fire crackled and had swallowed your words.

She stepped closer, “Pardon?” She looked so worried, she was worried about you. You strugled to breath.

You turned away again but spoke louder so you wouldn’t have to say it again, “We can’t be together like this anymore. I’m not... I don’t want this anymore.” You shook your head, looking out of the window, trying to imagine you weren’t here, you weren’t doing this, you were happy.

“Want what?” Her voice was quiet now, and she hadn’t followed you this time.

“Eloise, listen!” You turned sharply, “You have to understand.” 

“Understand?” Her breathing had sped up and she shook her head, “Well... understand what?” You couldn’t tell if she truly didn’t understand or was being willfully ignorant. She was a clever girl, your Eloise. You shook your head. Not your Eloise. Just Eloise.

“I no longer wish to see you, Miss Bridgerton.” You tried to hold your head high and keep your voice even.

She frowned and squinted at you, “And what, may I ask, do you mean by that?”

“I am sure I can only say this once.” Your voice shook again. So much for keeping the voice even, “Please, we can’t be together. I do not want to see you... ever again.” You gazed at the fire, refusing to make eye contact.

Eloise hummed, “You mean you do not want to be seen with me.” She said softly, correcting you.

“No, I-”

She interruped, “It’s two very different things.” she stepped between you and the fire, cutting your gaze off. Your eyes landed on her hands again. She was wearing your ring. You heart fell that bit further.

“El-”

Now she was desperate. Her hands started moving as she spoke, “Of course, we’re never going to want to be seen together but we can still-”

“Eloise! Stop.” You felt like a petulant child, who wasn’t getting their own way. “Stop it! I have simply...” You gritted your teeth, “I’ve moved on.”

Her face fell. You couldn’t do this. You couldn’t- you didn’t want to do this anymore. She took a breath, and in a very small voice, asked, “You have... moved on?” 

You averted your gaze to the garden again. This time insisten that you would see this through. This was what you had to do. “This was nothing but a brief dalliance. I am sorry if I ever hinted otherwise.” You looked at the trees in the garden, the one you were so fond of when you were little. You would spend hours climbing, falling, painting, climbing again. You kept focused on that, on happier times.

“Dalliance?” You could hear the anger coming through now, “I’m not dim. I read the entirety of the latest Whistledown. I saw everything...” She faltered for words. “What was published means nothing to me, Y/N. My love,” You winced again, “I know you. The gossip changes nothing. I don’t care if I am seen with you, I-”

You shook your head, you needed another route. She knew you too well, "The gossip in the Whisledown is a separate matter, it is not... it has nothing to do with this, Eloise.”

“You’re being quite serious.” She stopped in her tracks.

Your gaze switched to the swing your brother had built for you when you were young, you distracted your mind with memories of those days. Days before Eloise. You survived then. You could survive now. The days after Eloise. Was that how your life would be mapped out? “Yes.”

“You cannot do this. I won’t allow it.”

“You won’t... allow it?” You turned around to face her.

“This is not you. Not the Y/N I know.” She was moving again, right in front of you with her hands cradling your cheeks and her forehead on yours. You did all you could not to cry, “I know you Y/N. I have got to know you in so many ways. I love you.” A tear escaped and she sniffled, angry once more with herself for letting her tears fall.

“What else do you want from me? Eloise? What more can I say?” You whispered, you didn’t have the energy. You felt like you could hardly stand.

“I want you- Darling, I want you to be honest with me. Tell me what is going on inside that head of yours. You cannot push me away.” She had broken now, tears were stubbornly spilling from her eyes. 

“I’ve only ever been honest with you, Eloise.” You spoke softly. And that was the truth. Until today.

“And do I not get a say in the matter?” She asked, voice breaking.

You closed your eyes. “I’ve made up my mind.”

“It cannot be changed? That I am nothing to you?” She whispered.

“No.” You shut your eyes even more. But instead of blocking things out, it only brought images. Like a book opening before your eyes, full of memories, full of Eloise. You groaned in frustration and pulled away.

“We could... you could come visit me, in the country. We could be together there, without worry. If it’s the ‘Ton that worries you.” She hiccupped and pulled you in again, she wiped your face, wiping away tears you hadn’t even realised were there, “We could leave tomorrow.” She intertwined your fingers, pulling you closer to her.

“You need to go.” You whispered.

She kissed your brow, “We could leave now.” She moved her hands, still intertwined with yours, to your cheeks and kept her lips to your cheek.

“Go home, Eloise. Please.” She shook her head, pressing a kiss to both eyes, and to your nose three times. 

“I love you.” She trembled, “Tell me. Look me in the eye, Y/N, and tell me you do not have love for me. That you do not love me - as I love you.” She forced you to sit and knelt in front of you, as she had when she first arrived.

“Just-”

Her hands squeezed yours, “Say it.” She challenged. A new steel in her voice.

“El-”

She squeezed your hands harder, “Do not ignore my request.”

“You need to-”

“Y/N.” She let go. You moved from the chair and to the floor, sitting in front of her.

You put your hand to her cheek now, and said as softly as you could, “Go home, El. I will not say it again.”

“Then do not say it again, and I will stay.” She looked at the floor, refusing to meet your gaze.

“I-” Her eyes snapped to yours, and you looked down, “do not love you.”

She leant forwards, “I asked you to look me in the eye and-”

“Eloise, I-” You dragged your eyes to hers. You couldn’t do this. How could you0 “I do not love you.” You said.

You watched a shift of emotions in her eyes, and there was a long period of silence. Eventually, she leaned back, stood up and took a deep breath, “Y/N,” You prepared yourself for the worst, to hear her say something awful. As you have said hurtful things to her. For her to leave, which is what you supposeduly wanted. You couldn’t watch her go, “I just do not believe you.”

You pushed yourself up off the floor, “I have done everything you have asked of me!” You shouted.

“It is truly what you want?” She asked back, her voice rising to match yours.

Before all hell could break lose, Toby knocked on the door. You turned away, back to looking out the garden.

“Miss Y/L/N? Lord Bridgerton is here.” He said, and you sighed, body tensing up.

Eloise spoke softly once more, “He- my brother?” She asked, in disbelief.

“Send him in.” You tried to sound commanding, but all that came out was a weak request and a tremble in your voice.

“Miss Y/L/N,” You turned and he briefly bowed to you, “Eloise, we’ve been looking all over for you. It is late. You should come home.” He said, curtly.

Eloise gathered her emotions together, “Brother, I am perfectly capable of visiting my friends, thank you very much. We are simply... discussing the latest gossip.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at you, but she nodded to her brother, “You may leave, I will follow shortly.”

He glanced at you, before striding over to his sister and grabbing her arm. He whispered, angry, but you could still hear, “You will do well to remember what Mother said.” He gritted his teeth, “This is inappropriate. You are being childish.”

“I did not feel in need of your accompaniment, brother, so I do not understand why you are even here.” Her voice was angry once more. 

“You know perfectly well why I am here.” The tone perfectly matched Eloise’s.

“Oh? Well, please, elaborate.”

“Eloise, I am your brother. You will do as I say.”

You were suddenly immeasurably tired. Both you and Mr Bridgerton wanted the same thing. You put your trust in him that he would get his way quicker than you would. 

“The two of you may remain here and squabble all you like. I will depart to bed.” You said, hardly glancing at either of them as you passed.

Eloise went to move towards you, “Y/N-”

Anthony bowed his head as you passed, “Miss Y/L/N-”

Just before leaving you turned and looked Eloise in the eye, “Go home, Miss Bridgerton, and be safe. Do not think of me. That is all I can ask of you.” You sent her a pleading look with your eyes, praying she listened. “Lord Bridgerton.” You bowed your head to him and closed the door behind you.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

There was a soft knock on your door. You chose not to respond. 

The knock sounded out again, a few minutes later, “Miss Y/N?”

You groaned and tore the soft blankets from over your head. “What is it Toby?” You called out, gaze settling on thpacked bags at the end of your bed.

“Lord Bridgerton has requested your presence.” He called out, voice as soft as his knock. You winced at the title.

You sighed, rolling over, “Send him away, please.”

Toby hesitated, “I told him as such myself. I’m afraid he has insisted on waiting in the library.” He finally admitted.

“Well then, you can tell him that he can do what he likes but I will not be seeing him.” You gritted your teeth and covered your head with the blankets once more.

“Y/N, I do not think he will go without a fight.” Your butler’s voice was muffled through the sheets covering your head.

You screwed up your eyes in frustration and shouted out, “I will not see him, Toby.” Then took a deep breath and unclenched, already feeling sorry for your reaction to the man who was more like your father than the biologoical one you had, “I’m sorry, I- please, I cannot.”

“I will try again.” He promised.

“Thank you.” You whispered after he had gone. You pulled yourself into a tight ball and wept again.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

You had waited all day, knowing that you had a visitor yet hoping that he would, essentially, fuck off. 

Toby had been coming in at intermittent priods to give you updates but they were pretty much all, ‘Lord Bridgerton still waits in the library’ and you telling him to tell him to ‘fuck off but please phrase it a more palatable way’. Unfortunately, the Bridgerton hadn’t seemed to get the hint.

You sighed and sat up in bed. You could wait him out but a bit part of you fully believed that he would say all night and then, when you tried to leave for Frankfurt the next morning, he would follow you all he way their until he had got what he came for. He was like his sister in that way.

You gritted your teeth. How many time would you have to tell a member of this family to just leave you alone. You’re just trying to keep them safe, don’t they get it?

Finally, after meditating on it a while, you got up. Your lady’s maid had put out a dress, just in case you had wanted to talk with him, but you wanted this over and done with. If he insisted on talking to you, then let’s make this as difficult for him as possible. 

You’d speak to him in your sleeping garments. On your terms.

You stomped down the stairs, going back to stomp on a stair again if you felt it hadn’t been loud and angry enough the first time. 

Toby couldn’t help but smile as he saw you, well- heard you first, and he bowed his head as he opened the door.

“You have a great deal of patience, Lord Bridgerton.” You glared at him, sitting in your chair, your favourite spot in the library. He practically jumped out of his skin, dropping the piece of literature he had been entertaining himself with as he waited. “Did I say you could read my books?”

He looked you up and down and averted his gaze, looking slightly stricken. He snapped the book shut and put it down on the table.

Anthony stood up and bowed his head, “I, uh, wanted to speak with you.”

“I do not wish to do so with you. You may leave now.” You all but snarled, showing him the way to the door.

He paused and frowned, “I will wait here until you agree to talk.”

“Then you will be waiting a long time.” You shrugged, turning around to walk back to the door.

“I can stay here all night.” He called after you.

“And I will be gone in the morning.” You spoke, hand on the door knob, willing yourself to leave, now. You weren’t even meant to warn him that you were leaving.

He faltered for a moment, “Gone?” 

You let out a frustrated sigh, more with yourself than him, and turned back towards him, stepping away from the door, “Tomorrow I leave for the continent. My brother will be waiting for me in Frankfurt.” You spoke evenly for the first time in days, “My father organised it all.” The spite returned back to your voice. You hated the man, but you accepted that the change of scenery would do you good.

“And Eloise...?” Anthony blinked a few times, lost for words.

You shook your head, “Doesn’t know.”

He frowned, “Perhaps she should.” 

You already felt the familiar prickle of tears at the back of your eyes and bit your tongue to keep them at bay. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked him, quietly, resigned.

He sat, slowly, as if to not scare you off, “I- I just have some questions.”

“I am not interested in answering them.” You said and yet you found yourself sitting in the open seat opposite him, your father’s chair.

“Eloise-” You audibly winced at the name and Anthony quickly took note, trying to move on, to keep you talking. “You and her.”

“I am sure you have seen the papers. I could not continue a,” You hesitated as yet another li escaped your lips. It seemed all you could do now. “friendship with your sister after what has been spoken of me.”

He nodded, a look of deep thought crossed his face and he turned his gaze directly to you, a soft gaze, almost a gaze of brotherly love. Your chest ached again, “You saw a lot of one another.”

You hesitated, waiting for the trick. But sighed and nodded, “We did.” Giving him no more information.

He shook his head, “Don’t make me say it.”

“We were friends.” You gritted out.

“You know that’s not what I’m asking, Miss Y/L/N.” He sat his weight forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he look at you with his brow wrinkled.

“Then what are you asking, Lord Bridgerton?” You asked, terse once more. 

“Were you...?” He dropped off, hoping that you’d understand what he was trying to get across without actually having to speak the words.

You lifted your chin stubbornly, “No.”

He shook his head and rubbed his face with his hands, “I shouldn’t have asked for I already know the answer to that. I should have recognised the looks you gave one another. From the very beginning...” He sat back in the chair again. You looked at him, really looked at him. He was tired, lost, confused. He was in pain. “She’s not been the same since your last... conversation.”

Not in the same kind of pain you were in. You gritted your teeth again as your heart dropped, “That’s not a question.”

“No,” He was watching you, just as you were him. You felt vulnerable and wished you had just left the room when you had the chance. Now, the mention of her, you couldn’t bring yourself to leave. He was your last connection to her, “I thought you should know, is all.”

“Anthony-” You pondered how to phrase it, how to say it, what tone to take. “I have done what I needed to in order to protect Elo- to protect your sister. Now you are duty bound in continuing to protect her.” You gaze intensified, “As her brother-”

“As her brother! I would do anything for my family- for my sister.” He interjected, a split second of anger at the suggestion that he is not doing all he should.

“Then get her a best kind of husband. One that will respect her wishes and treat her kindly.” You pleaded. You knew that’s not what she wanted. How could you disrehard her wishes so?

“What if that's not what she wants?” Your gaze flickered up to his. He knows. He cna protect her. “Not what would make her happy?” The same flare of anger that had just struck Anthony moments ago now struck you hot.

You stood up over him, “Do you think I am happy?” You bit out, digging your fingernails into your palms. Don’t you dare cry, Y/N, you thought to yourself. “Look at me! Do you think it filled my heart with joy to have to lie to her? To look her in the eyes and deny all feelings of my love for her?” Your voice wobbled and your pressed your palms even tighter, “Do you think I enjoy hearing of her misery?” Your voice broke and you took a deep breath, carefully unfurling your fingers to see little indentations in your palms.

Anthony was gazing at the floor, chin in hand, deep in thought, seemingly unaffected by your outburst, “You did what you had to.” He summarised for you.

“Yes.” You whirled around again, “Yes! To prevent scandal to your family name, I did what I had to!” You poked your finger into his shoulder, “I have not slept for feeling so wretched. I didn’t know it was possible to feel even more so.” You crumpled on the floor, bringing your knees to your chest, and letting the tears o, “Yet here I am.” You wept.

He stood and, slowly and quietly, came to sit next to you. Anthony brought his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his side.

“Anthony, you know she doesn’t have to marry a man. But you know as well as I do of the connotations that will bring. If that is what she wishes, and I believe it is- I know it is, then you need to prepare for that.” You mumbled into his shoulder, your tears making his shirt wet through, “Don’t force her to marry. Even if you think it’ll make things easier.” You begged. This was, surely, the last thing you could do for her. The only thing you could do to bring her joy.

His adam’s apple bobbed and he turned his head slightly to you, “And would you marry a man?”

“Never.” You gazed into the distance, thinking of your ow family, of your father, “But I will no longer have the gossips of the ‘Ton to answer to.” You shrugged, helpless and tired, but defiant.

“And what will you do?” He asked, softly.

“All that is left to do is to leave come morning.” You responded, “My bags are packed. There is nothing left here.”

“Nothing?” He moved sharply, almost so fast that you keeled over right into the space he had just occupied. You steadied yourself as he sat himself in front of you, passion burning in his eyes. He was challenging you. 

“Perhaps I mean that there is too much for me here.” You met his gaze again and he nodded.

“Perhaps.”

The two of you sat in silence for a short period of time, perhaps a few minutes. Eventually, you wiped at your cheeks and stood up, holding out your hand. “I thank you for your visit, Lord Bridgerton.” He took your hand, standing up.

“I fear nothing good came of it.” He looked more troubled than he had when he had first arrived but he squeezed your hands in thanks.

“Hmm.” You nodded in agreement, “I’m sorry I couldn’t help her. I don’t even have the answers myself.” You admitted.

“And what if I want to talk again?” He asked, plainly.

You faltered. You were going away, cutting off all conncections to this place. You frowned and shook your head, “I’m leaving-”

“But can I write?” He perservered. The ache in his eyes made you falter, and you gave in too easily. Maybe you were becoming too soft.

“You can.” You answered, before your tongue could stop and your brain could cut in.

He quirked up an eyebrow and there was a sparkle of amusement in his eyes, “Will you answer?”

“Maybe not. I don’t think I’ll ever have the answers you’re looking for.” You admitted, “You’re a good brother.”

“And you’re brother... is he good?” He asked, still with a tight hold of your hands, torn between letting you go and begging you to stay.

“He will look after me.” You nodded.

“I am sorry, for what it is worth. I’m sorry that you can’t be happy here, with Eloise.” He said her name with such force and certainty. Perhaps you couldn’t just shut her away in a memory box in your brain. She was always stubborn like that. “You have all the qualities I would wish for in a gentleman.” His lips quirked up in a small smile. 

You think that, for the first time in a days, you may have just smiled too. A sad kind of smile, but a smile nonetheless. “Good night, Anthony.” You pulled your hands from his grip. “I will esnrue to send you Toby with my future address.” He nodded and bowed one last time.

“Safe travels,” Anthony walked himself to the door, opening it. You didn’t follow. He looked back one last time, “and thank you.” He smiled again, closing the door behind him.

[gggansey]

good pookie i don’t want to share my tl with racist, xenophobic, misogynistic and sexist who supports a character with same behavior played by an actor who also is pro-life, pro-trump, zionist and fatphobic who took pics of women at the gym to make fun on them when he was a 30 YEARS OLD FULL ADULT WITH HIS FRONTAL LOB FULLY DEVELOPED

im so full of you and your excused that since he is a queer character he can be forgiven when he didn’t even apologized to hen and chim and you can’t even say that he did it because off screen scene are just fanon HEN DIDNT EVEN KNEW THAT TOENAIL WORKED FOR THE HELICOPTER DEPARTMENT SHE ASKED FOR LUCY and when she saw him she wasn’t happy

i don’t think that this are two people who are friends and talk to each other lmao the last time she saw him was at his party when he was leaving the 118 so fucking 5 years ago but some of you want to hc tortilla babysitting Henren child???? LMAO touching grass isn’t enough you need to touch a fucking forest

also the only scene they had together was cut from the episode because his interaction with Hen and Karen aren’t important, Tim could’ve shown us him apologizing or them interacting but they don’t give a fuck about all that because trolldemort is just a plot device

stop using the queer card to defend him im a queer woman but if tomorrow in acting like a shit human beings people have the right to drag me because being a gay man doesn’t mean that you are excused and can do anything

we are allowed in not liking tombstone because he is a shitty person and personally i don’t like this queer representation im allowed to feel lime this i don’t have to like everything just because it’s queer IT ISNT 2000 ANYMORE WHEN THERE WAS LITTLE REPRESENTATION AND EVEN SHITTY ITS 2024 I CAN FIND GOOD REPRESENTATION EVERYWHERE AND SAYING THAT THIS IS BAD AND YOU CANT CALL ME HOMOPHOBIC BECAUSE I DONT LIKE A RACIST

also liking him and justify him makes you a racist, xenophobic, misogynistic and sexist

making meme about eddie queerness being buried makes you an homophobe, saying that ratings will drop when eddie will coming out it’s homophobic

[mostlyvoid-partiallyflowers]

Okay I just speedran The Sunshine Court in like 12 hours. I will be rereading it soonly and giving more coherent thoughts but here’s my main takeaways:

- Thought #1: Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck this book exists. I am on the floor I’m so fucking excited.

Spoilers below the cut

- I absolutely love that we get both Jean and Jeremy POVs. It’s great especially because Jean is an oblivious and traumatized and if we just see things through his eyes we would never get to see Jeremy PINING like an absolute icon. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s about the pining, the waiting, the yearning. I’m simple man, I like my books gay, angsty, and with tension you could cut with a knife. This delivers on all accounts.

- I love getting to see the end of tkm from Jean’s perspective. Getting to see him watch the Foxes v Ravens game was incredible. I’m a very big fan.

- Renee and Jean time! Renee giving Jean her cross necklace. I’m in tears, I’m dead, I’m on the floor. It’s not the right time for us 😭. Excuse me? I’m unwell.

- Kevin Day, queen of my heart! Getting to see how someone other than Neil canonically sees Kevin is an absolute treat for me. Jean’s weakness for beautiful men has become known. Me too Jean, me too.

- Jeremy, light of my life, I can’t believe you’re rich. At least your family sucks because I don’t think I could take it if your family was wealthy and nice.

- Jeremy + Jean meeting for the first time. Jeremy trying and failing to play with a yo-yo. I’d die for you. They are ADHD 🤝 Autism solidarity me thinks.

- Montana has a pro Exy team which is not at all plausible but I’ll let it slide because one Montana mention for the win and two the team is called the Rustics which is absolutely what we’d call a pro sports team if we had one. The only reason Montanan’s at large would commit to indoor lacrosse is that Kayleigh Day was Irish and so solidarity.

- Laila and Cat, my beloveds. The description of their apartment has me yearning for the same. They have a bay window with a window seat okay. That’s like in my top three desires for a home.

- Carboard cutout dog with a classic Nora pet name. I’ll love Mister B forever. I love how Jeremy keeps moving him around. I love how Jean hates it.

- Trans characters! Poly characters! Nonbinary characters! Nora, my birthday has come a little late but damn this was a gift!

- I am absolutely pronouncing Jean wrong in my head probably 70% of the time.

- I’m so fucking angry at the Ravens. My blood is boiling and I want to cry. Jean deserved better, Kevin deserved better, Riko deserved better. All the Ravens deserved better. I want to put Tetsugi Moriyama into a blender and feed him to the crows.

- Jean was 16. I’m absolutely incandescent with rage.

- Jeremy is so patient with Jean and I will forever love him for that.

- This book was a lot shorter time frame than I was expecting, mainly because I keep forgetting there’s going to be another one.

- The food control but is driving me crazy. It makes me so fucking mad. Let my boy eat. I want him to be happy.

- Jeremy has seen Jean looking 👀 ummmmmm hello? “More exclusively than you do, I think.” I’m on the floor.

- Laila buying Jean a sex toy?!? Oh my god. What would she even get him? I feel like he deserves a vibrating cock ring or something fun like that. That way service top™️ Jeremy Knox can use it on him when they finally get together.

- I love seeing Neil from Jean’s perspective. It’s funny how different he is from my perspective and Jean’s/everyone else’s. I’ve spent so much time thinking about him from Andrew’s pov that it’s weird seeing him through anyone else’s. Everyone is like this scrappy irritating son of bitch is gonna get what’s coming to him, and Andrew is like, well I can’t not fuck him.

- The second Jean mentions Drake to Neil. And then Neil immediately calls a hit out on Gr@yson. Neil, you will always be famous to me.

- Jean-Yves! I hope he starts using his full name again at some point.

- Elodie :(((((( I can imagine what Jean’s going through and I am so afraid for him. If he keeps pushing all these feelings down he’s going to break sooner or later, but probably sooner.

- Jeremy’s unconditional support of Jean has my whole heart. Jean has friends now. I’m crying.