#my old student paints were very nice but it would take me like five layers to get as deep or rich of a colour that i can get in like 2 now

[bmpmp3]

lia time. lia time. she loves her lasers

[purity-town]

Little late getting to these -- that's fully the fault of a class project I spent all of Monday/Tuesday and most of Wednesday working on -- but I finished my project and wrote up some long replies to these!

(Apologies for any funny formatting -- I'm trying out the beta for the new post editor!)

Absolutely not.

Nope! There are a few people who do know (other guides Andrew's met before, the Dryad, and I'd imagine the Witch Doctor knows something's up even if he doesn't know why), but none of them live in Purity Town proper, and the Dryad and Witch Doctor aren't the kind to participate in rumors or spread what isn't theirs to share. The old man is also aware just because he and Andrew have talked about their curses, but he's 1) not currently in town and 2) not going to share even if he were.

Most folks don't know much about Andrew in general; Becca probably knows the most out of the townsfolk, knowing a little bit about his family and where he's from (he has some pretty specific skills as a hunter that betray this, but he doesn't talk about his exact town of birth), but no specifics and certainly not time periods.

Andrew is good at keeping things quiet; he has to be.

I would actually appreciate if you didn't post to Pinterest -- usually I'm fine with people reposting with credit (several of the things I've posted to my DeviantArt have found their way to Instagram, for example) but Pinterest has something of a reputation for stolen art (things being reposted from another Pinterest post without credit this time, or credit being hard to view for users not logged in or just viewing through Google). So reposting elsewhere is fine (though if you repost to Reddit or Instagram, tag me at u/Ariibees or @Ariibees)! I'd just prefer my works stay off of Pinterest.

The terminology related to The Guide/Andrew/The Guardian/The World’s Core/The WoF is all confusing because on some level, they’re all the same being. Kind of like trying to talk about Jekyll and Hyde -- same guy, different looks/actions, haha.

For all intents and purposes, references to the WoF being the barrier/core/whatever behind or within which the spirits of light and dark are contained is equivalent to saying “these spirits are held trapped by the magic of the Guardian, who when summoned appears as the WoF.” I do break slightly from the official lore in how the WoF/Guardian/thing holding back these spirits works (mostly because I don’t really like the idea that the Hallow is a “temporary guardian” or whatever), but the basic concept of “these are trapped by [thing that makes up the WoF]” remains unchanged.

If “loony cultist” is a reference to something, I’m so sorry, but I’m lost on it. If you’re just talking about the lunatic cultist in a funny way, then yes, they’re in here as a very plot-significant character!

I had to google what meme you were talking about, but it did make me laugh.

Andrew’s most annoyed by the nickname because people do like to call him Guide, and for someone who’s dedicated his whole life to his role, it can get tiring. He doesn’t really *mind* being called Guide -- it’s fine, that’s what he is and as long as people are respectful of his job he’ll take what he can get -- but at the same time, he’d like for people to stop thinking “Aah! Monster!” or “Weird academic know-it-all” and just...treat him like a normal person sometimes. So he fights to be called Andrew. And...Malik comes along and gives him a nickname that he doesn’t like and doesn’t allow others to use, save for maybe a small group of people of which Malik is not a part. So, not cool, man!

People love to overcomplicate explaining shading/lighting, and if you wanted to you could certainly go on and on about reflections of light off the ground and shading colors and all sorts of things, but as I’m writing this at 1 AM I don’t really care to.

If you really want to get into shading, I see nice ones on DeviantArt or Tumblr from time to time, or you can always watch a YouTube video on it. Really, though, just keep at it, think about how the shadows should look and work, and you'll get better at it eventually and pick up new ideas on how it all works. (And this is coming from someone who is new to making comics and actually started as a painter.)

Purity Town’s shading comes down to this: simplicity. As much as I’d love to spend hours and hours redrawing the panels I don’t like and carefully shading every fold of fabric and painting detailed backgrounds, I’m a full-time college student and will be working full-time over the summer -- I don’t have the time. So, I cut corners: I reuse backgrounds or use brushes (see: bricks, trees, clouds) that make certain details easier, and I try not to obsess too much over panels I’m not fully happy with. Shadows go where they feel right, and light on the opposite side.

For shading, this comes down to making things quick and easy. For these last few pages, character shading/lighting has only been five layers. One hard light layer for the bluer soft shadows, one overlay layer for darker soft shadows, one linear burn layer for hard shadows, one soft light layer for soft lighting, and one overlay layer for hard lighting. I’ll often also make use of glow dodge layers for lighting, or change the color balance or add more hard/soft light layers if there’s a very heavy color filter on the scene (such as a celestial event, blood moon, or outdoors at night).

Using all the different layer types is essentially a cheat code to fancier lighting -- don’t want to use flat black? Boom, hard light or overlay or burn will give you colored shadows. Want to make your light brighter? Glow dodge will make it burn your retinas.

Sorry that this isn’t a very comprehensive guide, but in my mind, shading and lighting is really something that you pick up over time and it’s hard to sit down and write a guide for it without making it into a massive essay on art theory that I don't even know proper terminology for because I'm not an art student. Of course with some googling you’ll find *proper* guides for this sort of thing from art majors and the likes, and those can be super helpful and technical! But for Purity Town, I just sort of go with what feels right and what's easy to replicate.

Firstly, I’m happy to hear you’re liking the comic!

Secondly, those buttons are actually there due to the theme! (For those on mobile who can’t see it, I have the theme set to only display on desktop as I prefer the current mobile layout on phone.) I’m using the simple webcomic theme (a quick Google should tell you how to install it for yourself) -- except I’m not actually using it for the webcomic features; rather, it’s a case of “this is the most simple, nice-looking non-default theme I could find.”

The previous/next buttons are added by the theme with the intent that the blog is being used as a typical webcomic website, with nothing but comic pages being posted. However, I post asks and other art here too, and I do so with the intent that people looking at #Terraria or their dashboards in general will see it. So...I use html formatting to make the first/previous/next/last links, along with an index and chapter-by-chapter viewing (using /tagged/chapter##/chrono) so that no matter where you’re coming from, you can still navigate just the pages!

If you want to add just the previous/next buttons, I can’t really help you -- web development is not my area of study in the slightest. But you can check out the theme that they come from and if you want to install only them, you can surely find a tutorial on it somewhere!

(As a side note, the comments section is not from the theme, it’s from a site called Disqus. I don’t expect many people, if anyone, to leave comments, but since I link back to this site a lot and many folks don’t have Tumblr accounts, it’s an option I like to make available.)

Hiya! My hike was pretty nice; it was a short and easy one, but that was quite appreciated as the trail is unmaintained from November to April, and the trail was covered in fallen trees and quite rocky. Still had fun, though!

And for backgrounds, it depends! For indoors scenes (or outdoors scenes with buildings) I don’t tend to use references, outside of looking up things like “which side of a door is the handle on.” I will, however, integrate real-life textures (see: the quilt and rug in Guide’s house, the wood walls on the building in the background of this week’s page), and paint over paintings from the Terraria wiki.

For outdoors scenes, for simple backgrounds (such as foliage-heavy) ones, I typically don’t need references. I like the difference between detailed, lined indoor/man-made object scenes vs. painted, messy outdoor scenes. But for things like mountains, I do sometimes look up references to help with color choices and the likes.

The town’s layout is a bit strange in that depending on the scene, the background could be drastically different. One side of town faces more mountainside, one side faces the orchards/open hillside, and the other two sides face various degrees of open space and more mountainside/forest. References taken on top of mountains are helpful to get an idea of what degree of foliage I should include between the characters and the sky.

Though this is very specific to the town of Purity -- other towns/villages will have significantly different-looking backgrounds, even the foliage-heavy ones.

That said, what's even more helpful than looking at photos is looking at paintings. Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron is really good for getting an idea of how to draw grasslands and distant mountains, plus Studio Ghibli movies in general!

[dreaming-colourful-skies]

COC Dec 4: Fluffy crossover one-shot ft. snowball fighting and post-canon FMA cameos.

(Tumblr confuses me but apparently it’s good to post shorter fics in their entirety so here :))

Rated: T (really G), M/M, 1000ish words

Characters: Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton “Baz” Pitch, Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, Ebb Petty, Roy Mustang

Tags: Simon Snow/Baz Pitch, Future Roy/Ed but not here, Crossover, AU – Canon Divergence, Fluff, Snowball Fight, Hijinks and Shenanigans, One-shot, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown 2020

Series: The Watford School of Alchemy (Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood/Carry On crossover in progress)

Summary:

Baz and Simon’s animosity is beginning to thaw, unlike the ground. Forget alchemy class – today is a day for a snowball fight.

archiveofourown.org/ works/27873617 (w/out space)

Full:

I’m still not used to thinking of Baz as an ally.

What has it been – a month? My second-most-prolific source of mortal peril is now an ally. I know it sounds crazy, but he swore good intentions to Penny, and he really has been helpful.

Today, though, he’s definitely up to something.

He’s supposed to be halfway to Advanced Arrays by now – well, I should be too, but whatever – and he’s outside staring at the moat.

“What’re you doing?”

“Snow.” I seem to have startled him. Good.

“Playing hooky? Doesn’t seem like you.”

Baz scoffs. “I’ll be there.” His gaze softens as he looks around and past me. “But isn’t it beautiful?”

What? Oh, he means the snow. The ground is blanketed in it, the trees painted branch by branch. The moat is freshly frozen, by the looks of it. Flakes fall gracefully around us, and the merwolves are nowhere to be seen.

“It’s pretty nice,” I allow.

“Come off it,” says Baz, stepping closer. “Surely you don’t still think I’m up to something?”

My protest dies in my throat. Baz has been nothing but helpful lately… He’s got a point. Antagonizing you is as natural as breathing would not hold up in court. Oh, Merlin, I can see the snowflakes on his eyelashes from here. Have they always been so long?

“Ahem.” I act quickly. “Maybe I’m up to something?” And I lob a snowball at Baz’s chest.

Baz’s mouth drops open. “Crowley, you truly are an absolute nightmare.” The corner of his lip turns up and he grabs a handful of snow.

This means war.

Two minutes and many snowballs later, we are both out of breath and very much the worse for wear. By tacit agreement we’ve been sparring like Normals, though I think we both realize that I’m just as likely to melt the field if my Magick gets involved.

“Is that the worst you can do?” I manage to dodge this one, though the next incoming ball makes a snow cone of my bangs. I shake my curls and prep my next ammunition.

“Boys?” A shadow approaches our spot near the lake – a professor. This is it. This is the day I get chewed out for skipping class. I dread telling the Colonel that I traded my education for a snowball fight.

Oh, it’s just Professor Elric. This could go either way. Baz and I dust ourselves off as he greets us.

“Everything good out here?” Merlin, he’s short for a, what, twenty-eight-year old? But the professor’s eyes fill with mirth. We are clearly standing in a snowy battleground.

I look down at the snowball in my hand and make up my mind. It arcs through the air and splats on Professor Elric as Baz gapes beside me.

The professor’s teeth bare into a grin as he pulls out his wand. I don’t regret anything, not exactly, but this was a horrible mistake of a different kind.

“Let it snow!” He crows, and a crowd of small snowballs rise from the ground and launch themselves at us. He conveniently hasn’t taught us that one in Magick Words. A couple of the snowballs hit their mark, splatting my cheek with bitter cold, but I shake off the surprise. Placated that we’re not getting expelled or something, Baz and I duck and scramble to find more snow.

“Brother!”

Two more interlopers arrive from the other direction. Alphonse Elric is here for a month or so to help Ebb with the goats, and apparently they heard the commotion. They take one look and grab their own snow.

“No fair!” Professor Elric pulls a face. “The weather outside is frightful!” The top layer of snow around him drifts up and gusts toward us.

Alphonse Elric claps his hands together and transmutes a shallow, snowy wall. Cool.

Mayhem ensues, featuring Normal snowballs, cold alchemic blasts and Magick. We duck behind the fort as needed. At one point, Baz looks like he’s about to be collateral damage of a flying icicle, so I listen to my instinct and dive.

“ – Snow!” We land on the cold ground with a soft thud.

My nemesis blinks up at me, and I’m struck by the strangest urge to kiss him.

Maybe I’m concussed? If so, he must be too, because for once he doesn’t look wary. His eyes are wide with what I figure is surprise.

I mumble out an apology for the whole tackling-him-to-the-ground-thing and he thanks me for the saving-him-from-impalement thing. I scramble to my feet and offer help, and his hand is cold.

Still a little dazed, I start to gather another snowball.

I hear a finger snap from the castle entrance and the wall melts. Oh shit.

The Colonel – my guardian Roy – walks over and quirks an eyebrow. “I heard there were a couple of students missing from class, and my 4pm meeting never arrived.” He looks pointedly at the snow-laden blonde.

“Physical education elective?” offers Professor Elric.

Baz snorts and then straightens up somberly, remembering himself.

Thank Merlin, Roy surveys the scene and a smile slips through. “All right, I didn’t see anything. Don’t make it a habit.” Ed moves, almost imperceptibly, and Roy’s alchemic glove is raised again in threat. “Don’t you dare, Ed. I have another meeting in five and trust me, I do not pull off the snow-swept look as well as you.”

Professor Elric looks at him innocently. Apparently, Alphonse and Ebb find this whole situation hilarious. They launch into a spirited retelling of the fight to Roy.

Once more spared from scolding, I chance a glance back at Baz. He’s also breathing heavily, and his cheeks are slightly less pale than usual. His long hair is askew. I can only imagine I also look like I’ve been running around for half an hour.

He catches me looking.

“Time to head back?” I mouth, and he nods.

I clamour to my feet. “We’ve conveniently just remembered that we have class soon, or, uh, now. And warming up is good for health,” I add. Subtlety is just not my thing.

“Thank you for being excellent teammates,” says Baz, “and worthy opponents.” I’m pretty sure that’s directed at me and Professor Elric. I’m not sure what my face looks like.

“Bye, kids,” says Al. (We’re not that much younger than him, come on). The others join him in waving us off.

Baz and I make it back to the castle, dripping and shivering. Despite all that, I still feel strangely warm inside.

“Rematch, next snowfall?”

“You’re on.”

(Img from Pexel)

[kpurereactions]

Love Shot

CHAPTER 1

A/N: Hello lovelies, Ive been working on this piece for quite a while now and im finally ready to post it. This was inspired by one of my favorite fics of all time, Good Girl, but given my own little twist. I hope you all love Love Shot as much as I do.

Pairing: Exo x Reader

Rating: Drama, Angst, Smut, Fluff

WARNINGS: Language, Eventual Violence, Lots of Smut Later on

Chapter | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

I let a smile touch my lips before taking a deep breath in, nodding once at the crisp evening air before turning to lock the door of my new combined studio and apartment. It was the first day where fall really felt like fall. The scent of rain lingered under the dense clouds and the sun was already halfway gone.  I had moved back to Seoul only three months ago after being gone for only a little under a year. I had originally came to Seoul to get my masters in painting and painting theory,  though I quickly gained enough local fame and connections that no one could quite understand why I left. So I came back.

I stood on the side of the road, my arm outstretched as I wait for a cab. My closest friend from school in the city was opening his gallery tonight and from the posts on my snapchat I could tell a lot of old classmates were already there. Song Mino was the first friend I made when I first moved here. He was talented and refused to fit into the art box the professor tried to force all his students into, as if art should be something someone else tells you to do. It should be your own thing. We had that in common. My style is simplistic. Aesthetic. Easy to look at, but the more you look the more you see behind the top layer. We both strived to challenge the viewer, and because of that we grew really close in our attempt to stick it to the man.

The first show is always the biggest event of an artist's career, and knowing I was seconds away from Mino’s brought another smile to my face as excitement seemed to run through my toes. I couldn't believe how hard he had been working, despite him refusing to let me see anything he had made to showcase.

The gallery itself was breathtaking, I couldn't help but note the obviously more ‘manly’ stain he had chosen for the wooden columns that broke the continuous glass of the front of the gallery. I was the one who helped him make his mind up. I took it in as it was its own work of art before I even walked up the short staircase to the front doors. The tall white walls were similar to my own space, but his had matching wooden floors and walls that were scattered around the room that broke your vision from seeing everything at once. I gave myself another smile as I noticed familiar faces of old classmates and Professors.

It didn't surprise me when I first walked in that I was being asked about the past year and how I’ve been. I was hard to miss, not just because I stood taller than a majority of the women in the room. The constant questioning reminded me why I chose to fail at reaching out when I got back. I made a point to keep trying to catch eye contact with Mino, who only seemed to mask the chuckle from escaping his lips, choosing to leave me to struggle with the boring repetition of the conversations I was having. I finally found the opportunity to excuse myself and all but power walk over to Mino, pretending not to see anyone else I recognized.

“American style!” He said excitedly, pulling me into a hug.

“Don't you ever leave me to the wolves like that again” I whispered in his ear before pulling back. “Mino this is awesome, I’ve only seen a few pieces but im so proud of you!” I said covering up my mild threat before hugging him tightly again. He chuckled with bright eyes before giving my arms a squeeze.  His eyes widened as he remembered the man standing next to him.

“Y/n, this is Junmyeon. He is a curator who graduated a few years before us. I've been telling him about your work.” He said as my attention moved to the slick haired man.

“You were talking about me at your own opening?” I said reaching for his hand to shake it.

“I actually asked specifically about you.” Junmyeon said with a soft smile that slowly grew.

“Oh, wow.” I tried to get out past the sound of my heart fluttering at his radiant smile. “Its very nice to meet you then.”

I was informed that Junmyeon was planning on stopping by my studio in the next few days, which brought on a new wave a nerves I've never experienced before. It wasn't until Mino placed his hand on my back to excuse the two of us could I finally breathe.

“Jesus, why is he so intimidating?” I said looking back over my shoulder as he dipped his chin to take a sip of his drink.

“If you think he’s intimidating your crazy” Mino said, leading me over to the first piece he wanted to show me.

“Did he asked to buy any of your work?” I asked before he could change the topic.

“All of it.” Mino said with a big smile.

“All of it?!”

“Yes. He’ll probably buy a lot of your stuff too. It’s more his style anyways.”

“Oh my god.” I said shaking my head.

I let Mino take control of the conversation as he began to explain the clay molded figure in front of us. I spent the rest of my time there following Mino around, while sipping on my wine and listening to him talk. Even though, as much as I was paying attention, it was hard to get your mind off of Junmyeon.

“Promise me you wont sell this one. I know you promised everything but see if this one could be an exception. I want to buy it.” I said pointing at a tall, organic figure of a woman. The memory of when Mino had made it flooded back as it was my first time to ever pose for another artist.

“Ill ask.” he said smiling before taking my hand and leading me to the next piece.

I tried to stay as late as I could. Mino was off somewhere talking art leaving me once again to be interrogated by my former classmates who all seemed to be very smug about the fact that I had yet to have an opening. It didn't matter what valid excuse I would give, they only cared that it hasn't happened yet. Thankfully I must have looked as uncomfortable as I felt since a hand wrapped around my arm to pull me back. I was just about to thank Mino for coming back and saving me when I turned to face Junmyeon.

“You didn't look too excited about that.” He said looking back over to the three girls who were all staring with confused and almost jealous looks in their eyes.

“Good to know it was obvious.” I said taking a sip of wine. Just as I was about to say something else Mino walked up.

“I think I'm going to head out. I have a pick up early in the morning.” I said, trying not to make it sound like I was at my ropes end with the girls who had added whispering to their staring. I smiled and quickly kissed Mino’s cheek softly before turning to Junmyeon and shaking his hand again, trying to do so without having to hear a protest from Mino.

The air outside sobered me up a little, and because of how nice it was outside I couldn't help but smile and start to walk down the sidewalk. Mino’s studio wasn't that far from mine, just a few blocks down and a horseshoe turn away, so I placed my hands in my coat pocket and began to walk. I let my eyes wander from the fashion that was passing me to the way the lights reflected off the puddles left from the rain that morning. Just as I was really starting to enjoy my walk the sky opened again, soft raindrops falling from the sky.

I sighed, of course this would happen. Clocking where I was I dipped into an alley, deciding the fastest way to get out of the rain in my heels would be to cut through the alleyways. Usually this idea was fine. I would maybe run into one or two strangers, but they were usually restaurant owners who were taking the trash out or sweeping their areas so the sound of voices deeper in the alley didn't really bother me.

“Kai come on! Oh my god no.” I heard a man laugh deeper into the darkness of the alley. But as I got closer to my studios back door I realized the figure I could hardly make out at first were men. Multiple men. Usually this wouldn't bother me but as I got closer the feeling of fear in the pit of my stomach started to deepen and deepen.

I took a deep breath when I started to pass them, my heart beating a million miles a minute while trying to keep a poker face to seem unphased so they wouldn't pay me any mind. Until they did.

“Hey wait!” I heard one of them call. I quicken my step slightly. Not to show I was scared, but just incase. “Wait, where are you going? I’ll walk you home.”

I looked up to see a half lit face walking backwards in front of me. I squinted slightly to try to get my eyes to adjust to what was under the ball cap he wore, but there was no use.

‘Shit’ I thought. I was staring too long. I looked away and quickened my step again.

“Oh come on! At least tell me your name!” He shouted after he stopped, his voice now behind me.

I was able to breathe again once my key was in my door, officially sure he stopped following me. But still the shape of the man's mouth was enough to stay in my brain as I flicked the lights to my gallery on and made my way upstairs to my bed.

___

“Mino I swear they were so scary.” I said pushing my denim painting shirt up past my elbows before wrapping my hands around the coffee cup that sat in front of me.

“I just don't understand why you didnt call a cab when you left.” He said sitting back in his chair, obviously taking it out on himself for not seeing me off safely.

“I just wanted to walk. I didn't plan on going through the alley.” I grumbled. I hated when Mino tried to school me. He was only a few months older than I was, and although I knew here it meant something different, he also knew that where I’m from it didn't.

“Do you at least remember what they looked like?” He asked, noticing my mood change.

“Um.. kind of. There were like five or six of them, but I only got a good look at one of them. He was a little taller than you, pillow lips… he was wearing a hat so I really didn't get a good look at his eyes. But he had to have been an athlete of some sort.” I said, my words getting quieter as I realized I would have had nothing to go off of if something bad had happened.

The coffee date ended with Mino once again scolding me, which I knew I deserved, but there was only so much I could take without pouting all the way home. I couldn't help thinking about the man in the hat. Why he was there in the alley with his friends. Why did he follow me, but then give up so easily? It's not like his friends were calling him back. If he was going to bother me in the first place, why give up? The more I thought about what had happened the more I worked myself up. They probably saw me unlock my door. What if they showed up in my studio? What if they came back with more people?

I half thought about texting Mino, but knew there was no point. He would be more worried about it than I was and he had better things to do then baby sit me in my own home. So instead, the moment I got inside I turned my windows down, making sure no one could see inside my studio incase they were passing to see if I was there. It was weird, though, this new set fear was enough to put me into overdrive. My inspiration hit me in my face and I couldn't pull a fresh canvas out fast enough to get the blurred images of last night down.

———

Music played loudly as I was lost in my own world. A galaxy of light and dark colors swirled and blended into one another across my canvas creating the confusing, but exciting pattern that seemed to get better with every stroke.

I was pulled out of my own head when the sound of someone's voice yelling over the music made me look up. I smiled to see Junmyeon and two other men trailing him into the room.

“Oh! One second please!” I said trying to press pause with the clean part of my palm. “Sorry, I didn't realize how loud that had gotten.” I said wiping my hand on my shirt before shaking Junmyeons hand.

“Its fine, good to see your working so hard because I brought with me two potential buyers.” He said gesturing to the two men on his left. “This is Byun Baekhyun and Kim Jongin.” He said.

I smiled shaking Baekhyun's hand, but the moment I met Jongin's eyes I felt my body stiffened slightly. He was familiar. Almost to familiar. I forced the feeling to be shaken off though, there was no reason why he would have possibly been brought into my studio if he had been hiding out in the alleyway behind the building the night before. Or at least I had hoped. But there was something about the way he smiled at me that made me feel like he knew it too. That he had seen me the night prior too.

I tried hard not to think about it. If Junmyeon was there, I was safe and if he was the man he probably wouldn't try to do anything with two other people there to witness. I turned my attention back to Junmyeon who asked if he could look through my paintings.

“Oh of course. And the racks on this back wall have more in it. I rotate them so the ones that are up are only there because they have a similar theme.” I said before trying to smile as normal as possible and turning back to my easel.

My drive was gone. I was too busy focusing on Jongin, who stood there supporting his chin in his hand as he listens to Junmyeon explain why he liked a certain piece. I took this opportunity to text Mino. Now if any would be a good time to alert him.

Mino, I think the guy from last night in the hat is in my studio with Junmyeon. I don't know what to do.

“Y/n, were looking to fill a room. Do you have any others with these same earthy tones?” Junmyeon said, pulling my attention away from my phone.

“Oh, yes. There over here.” I said smiling, slipping my phone into my back pocket before leading the men over to the opposite wall. I walked them through my color schemes, explaining to them the way I had everything organized just incase they changed their mind on a color or style they wanted. I was surprised Junmyeon and Baekhyun were able to distract me from the thoughts swirling in my head for the rest of the time they were there, but it helped that Jongin stayed behind us, obviously not trying to chime in.

“Y/n, thank you once again for taking us in on such short notice. We will take the one on the wall and the two that have been stored if they are not already spoken for.”  

“Of course, Ill wrap them for you so they’re ready to be taken.” I said turning to make a mental note as to which ones it was.

“Thank you again. We will be in touch.” He said, bowing his head slightly before taking my hand in a soft, yet firm hand shake.

“Thank you.” Baekhyun said sweetly as he took my hand next.

“Good to see you again. I hope to see you in the future as well” Jongin said with a small wink before taking my hand and giving it a firm shake.

The moment his hand touched mine my heart dropped. There couldn't be a way that was really him. The moment the door closed I reached for my phone again only to see Mino hadn't responded. It didn't stop me from quickly typing out another message, though.

It was him. It had to be him. Why else would he tell me it was good to see me again before winking if it wasn't him?

I looked up to see their backs bending one by one to get into the large black vehicle they came in, and once I was sure the door to the vehicle was closed and they weren't looking I quickly walked forward and locked the door again before backing up to my easel where I desperately tried to finish my work before deciding to just give up.

I couldn't focus. Not while finishing, not while making myself dinner, and not while I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep. I rolled to my side and reached for my phone. 3:00am. I sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of my bed, taking my blanket with me and wrapping it tightly around my shoulders. I made your way up to the railing of my room slowly which allowed me look down onto my gallery. I wrapped the blanket closer over my shoulders before letting my elbows rest on the railing so I was more comfortably looking out the window. I smiled to myself finally feeling calm again. I loved how quiet the streets were at night. How all the colors of the lights around seemed to mix together on the rained on asphalt that laid below them.

It felt calm. But as my eyes were scanning I couldn't help but see two figures standing across the street. I squinted my eyes to try to catch a reflection of who the people were only to realize it was Jongin and Junmyeon. I stared at the two in shock as they talked across the road. They seemed to be laughing. I tried to calm myself down, telling myself they were probably just out getting drinks and just so happened to be standing across the street from my apartment. But then I remembered what the time was. I couldn't stop myself from panicking, and just as I was about to turn to hide myself, my eyes met with Jongin’s.

I didn't know it was possible for my heart to drop even further into my stomach as he gave me a devilish grin and wink. I scrambled back to my bedside table where I quickly reached for the remote that controls my space, knocking it off the table before I was able to press the button that made my windows go solid.  

Chapter 2

[kiatheinsomniac]

Chapter III: Rooftop Talks

Part one: here Part two: here

Every student was gathered in the hall. (Y/n) looked around oddly, taking a mental headcount. There were only twenty-five students. That was one class.

They had just met the principal, Crawford Starrick who was standing on a podium and had just announced that they were allowed to have their first day to themselves in order to familiarise themselves with the building and the grounds. Perfectly timed, he asked if anyone had any questions. A few hands went up, along with (Y/n)’s.

“So, do we get to go out on the weekends at all?” Asked a boy who looked strikingly similar to Evie. (Y/n) concluded that this must be her twin, Jacob.

“If you’re willing to make the walk.” The principal replied. (Y/n)’s brows shot up, recalling how long the drive had been through the woods; she couldn’t imagine walking that distance. She was called on next.

“Is this everyone? I mean, it’s only one class unless we’re being split into two smaller classes.” She pointed out her observation.

“Each student here is handpicked for success.” The reactions to this were a mix of straightening backs with pride and scoffing, “We want you all to achieve your very best and thought a singular class would better achieve that.” He explained. (Y/n) nodded her head but something about it felt odd. Just one class? Then again, it could be down to the school being new and having to prove its worth before it could accept more students. “Kassandra.” He called on the Greek who had her hand up.

“So what aren’t we allowed to do?” She questioned, not wanting to get into an argument with staff over something she didn’t know.

“Break curfew, start fights, truant, steal, fail to hand in assigned tasks on time, disobey staff, have mobile phones.” The Greek smiled sweetly.

“Ok.” Was her simple answer. (Y/n) squinted her eyes at her slightly. She seemed far too happy with that answer. Why was she smiling so much? Why did her eyes light up?

With no more questions left, they were dismissed to familiarise themselves with the grounds. (Y/n) made her way over to Kassandra, curious. The Greek grabbed her hand and went running down the hall. A few other students watched this, curious before looking to their peers and shrugging, running after them.

When Kassandra finally stopped, they were standing at the top of a staircase by a set of old rusty doors. (Y/n) turned around to see that they had company. Claudia, Aveline and two other boys who (Y/n) didn’t know were all behind Kassandra and herself.

There was a loud creak and snap. Kassandra had kicked the door open, breaking the worn-down lock inside while keeping the doors intact. There was glass on the outside of the metal framing but it was so overgrown with moss that it was difficult to see what was outside. Was this some sort of balcony?

As soon as the doors were opened, it was revealed to be the roof. They all walked out onto it, chattering among themselves while (Y/n) made her way to the edge of the far wall. She could see the lake that gave Vermere Lake Grammar School its name. It was off in the distance, past the extravagant gardens and field with a few layers of trees blocking it from the view if you were on the ground. It appeared to be a clearing in the middle of the sea of green trees and had a stream trickling into it.

(Y/n) took the opportunity to look around the area from a higher viewpoint which she stood on. Trees and trees and trees covered the hills around the school. The colour was quickly becoming sickening to look at everywhere she turned.

Her (e/c) orbs flickered to the gardens and the sports field. She prayed that she wouldn't have to participate in any form of physical education. She had always been far more academic than athletic and saw it as a waste of time - she could be studying something far more useful in her opinion. The gardens were wonderful and defined by tidy gravel paths. The hedges and trees were trimmed to perfection and the colourful pop of the flowerbeds were a nice change from the constant, droning green. There were statues scattered in a grid among the gardens and a large fountain stood proudly in the epicentre of it all. The water was running, putting on a repetitive show, sunlight reflecting off the water and making it sparkle, while statues of cherub angels and mermaids were in the centre. It was a very flamboyant school, indeed.

She shuffled a little closer to the edge before a pair of hands carefully held her sides in a tight, yet cautious grip, causing her to jolt slightly with surprise.

“Careful, don’t fall.” A male voice spoke from behind her. She turned around to see that it was a boy with long brown hair which he swept back into a ponytail, tied with red satin. His skin was softly sunkissed and he had rich brown eyes with golden tones glimmering amongst them. He wore a deep blue high-necked jumper which defined his torso and was tucked into a pair of black trousers which were accompanied by a black Louis Vuitton belt and black suede boots. She took a step from the edge, which inevitably brought her body closer to his, before making her way past him.

She flashed a shy smile, blushing a little at how he'd held her hips, "Thank you." She managed out before making her way over to Claudia and Aveline seeing as she knew them the best. She thought over leaving so abruptly like that. Perhaps he wanted to get to know the other students here too - after all, most people here didn't know one another. She found herself feeling odd and liking how touchy some of the other students were - the way Kassandra had grabbed her hand, the way Arno had grabbed her sides, etcetera. She never got much affection from her parents and never had any friends to give her any either. She quite liked the contact. It was comforting.

What unnerved her though, was the realisation that she was so touch-starved that she was enjoying this from people that she hardly knew. It was quite a shocking sudden realisation, really; something that she didn't want to admit to so she pushed the thought away. She would be getting to know them all soon enough anyway, right? Well, aside from Cesare and Lucrezia. She didn't plan on associating herself with those two.

She hadn't even been here for a whole day and she was already finding out things about herself that she had failed to notice in the past. It only made her lap up all these new changes even more, finally free of that old routine which she was constantly restrained by back at her home.

(Y/n) watched as a blonde male student went running for the lake, followed by an olive-skinned boy who resembled Kassandra a lot.

"Oh, I think they're going to jump in." She pointed out as she gestured her hand towards the two students that were sprinting across the sports field and making a beeline for the lake.

"Of course he is." The Greek girl sighed, a smile on her lips as she watched one of the two boys in particular. "The taller one's my little brother, Alexios; but, a lot of his friends call him Deimos." She paused for a while, her smile lingering as she witnessed her brother and the blonde student strip off as many layers as they could (while staying decent) before plunging off the small pier and into the cold water, "I never liked his friends back home, they were terrible for him. If he's mean to you: don't take it to heart." She rested a hand on (Y/n)'s shoulder to express her sincerity, "Those friends of his made him an asshole but I'm hoping that he will change now that he's not around them anymore. Mater hopes so too."

"Are you here for a change too?" The ebony-haired female prompted, wanting to get her own story across int he process.

"Because I tried to defend him from his friends, I ended up making a lot of enemies back at home." Shrugged, "I've always been one to punch first and ask questions later." (Y/n)'s eyes roved over Kassandra's arms to see how muscular she was. She definitely seemed like she would win a fight. "I suppose I'm looking to try and change myself in that aspect - learn to negotiate. But I know it won't happen overnight." She laughed at herself.

"I mostly accepted the application here because I wanted a change and I don't really have anyone at home." (Y/n) expressed, "I'd wake up and go to my school where I never had any friends, study all break and lunch, go home to paint or read for half an hour, study until dinner then get in the shower and go to sleep." She explained, "I was always home alone a lot because my parents work all the time. I've never been close to them. . . They didn't even drop me off at the airport. . . The family driver was the only one with me. . ." She spoke nonchalantly but Kassandra looked liked like she was on the verge of heartbreak.

For the Greek girl, her family was one of the most important things in her life, her source of happiness. It made her sad to know that her classmate didn't have anyone at all in the world.

"Well, you have friends now." She beamed, throwing an arm around her shoulder, "A lot of people here seem to like you already." Her gaze went back to her brother and the other student who were still swimming in the cold water and her lips tugged into a frown, "He's going to get sick if he stays in there too long. . . I should go get him." And with that, she left and (Y/n) made her way over to Claudia who was standing under a large greenhouse which was on the roof, gesticulating a lot with her hands while Aveline, the boy in blue from earlier, and the other guy were all paying attention to her.

". . . Just imagine it!" She spoke expressively, "Some lights, some chairs, pillows and blankets! If we clean up the glass and the floor and maybe add a few little flowerpots and trinkets on the shelves! This could be an awesome hangout! And, judging by the doors on the way up here, no one comes up here, so we can keep it as a thing between people we like."

"That's quite a cool idea, actually," Aveline spoke from where she was standing inside the rather large greenhouse, a frown tugged at her full lips, "But it would be nicer with some music."

"I bought my guitar with me." The boy that (Y/n) had yet to meet raised his hand in contribution. He had an Italian accent which made (Y/n)'s eyes flicker between him and Claudia, making note of their similarities. She concluded that this was Ezio, Claudia's brother. He, like Arno, suited long brown hair which was tied back - but he had shorter parts that fell loose and framed his angular face neatly. He wore a white hoodie with dark red joggers and white trainers. She wondered why he was dressed so casually until she realised that he and his sister must have had to wake up early to catch the plane and he would have wanted to be comfortable for the journey.

"I'm going to miss my music - I really hate this 'no phones' rule." The one who (Y/n) had briefly spoken to earlier piped up, "I mean, in a controlled environment like a boarding school, they're not exactly going to get in the way of us learning." He shrugged as he leaned against the glass, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Good point." (Y/n) agreed. Ezio turned his eyes to her, not having noticed her before. The Italian raised one of his brows in amusement, a flirtatious and teasing smile tugging at his scarred lips.

"You're quiet." He pointed out.

"Oh, leave her alone, stronzo. She's not one of your easy girls back home and I don't want you sleeping with my friends." Claudia snapped at her older brother, placing her hands on her hips to try and show her authority. Her older brother smiled at this while (Y/n)'s (e/c) eyes widened.

"Whoa, that escalated quickly." She held up her hands, shocked at how the conversation had gone from him teasing her about being quiet to Claudia telling him to not try it on with her.

"Oh, believe me, it would have escalated either way." The female Auditore rolled her chestnut eyes, "I'm sure that as soon as he said that, he would have mentioned something about getting you to moan loudly." She shot an accusing gaze at her brother who tossed his head around, considering his answer with a playful smile.

"Guilty." He confessed, his eyes going back to (Y/n) who felt quite singled out. The other boy clicked his tongue.

"Talking dirty to a girl as soon as you meet her isn't going to get her in your bed." He corrected.

"It isn't?" Ezio shot back, "Oh please, master seducer Arno, share your knowledgable ways with me?"

"Alright, we're leaving." Aveline rolled her eyes, amusement playing on her lips as Claudia followed her and she took (Y/n) by the arm to lead her away as well, "We don't want any part of your guy talk."

"Is your brother always like that?" (Y/n) asked Claudia.

"Yes." Was her blunt reply, "But don't misinterpret him; he respects women a lot even though he sleeps with all the pretty ones he sees. When my ex cheated on me, he broke his nose and when his ex got a new boyfriend, he made sure that he'd be good to her with a heavy threat."

"That's. . . violent but also incredibly sweet?" (Y/n) laughed while she glanced over her shoulder to where Arno and Ezio were having an in-depth discussion about the best way to seduce a woman. She rolled her eyes before following Aveline back downstairs, hoping that she wasn't still the topic of their conversation.

She decided that she wanted to explore the school building.

[purplesurveys]

568

Have you ever had a really bad haircut? I haven’t had any truly awful ones. The only time I felt ‘meh’ about a haircut was when I went to the salon on my own and told the hairdresser what I wanted myself. I was never good at that kind of stuff, and always prefer being with someone so they can tell me if I’m headed somewhere good or otherwise. Did you ever order any clothes from the Alloy catalogue? I’ve never heard of that. What brand, color, and type is your favorite eyeliner? I’ve only ever used eyeliner at one point in my life and I’ve forgotten every detail about it. It was black, though. Do you wear eyeliner? I used to. I wanted to look nice post-breakup, so I learned how to do makeup to feel good about myself. Was there ever a time in your life when you couldn't cry? I guess when I have HAD to cry in the past, as in for a skit, I couldn’t. But I can be triggered and cry very easily otherwise.

What's your favorite type of yogurt? I hate yogurt, I hate everything that’s sour (except for sour tapes, but even those I can only handle at a certain level of sourness haha). What posters did you have on your wall as a teenager? Wrestling. My mom took them down for no reason eventually, even though I loved having them up on my wall. What are your favorite type of calendars? I mean I don’t obsess over calendars enough to have a favorite type? so a digital one on my phone and laptop is fine with me. I do sometimes wish I was rich enough just to be able to spend on those novelty calendars with Audrey Hepburn photos and Monet paintings in every month, though. Do you have a full-length mirror? I used to but it got transferred to my sister’s room. I don’t mind it though; I don’t use mirrors all that much. When was the last time you bought stamps? Elementary school, probably. Do you have any overdue library books right now? HAH, yes I do actually. It was a book I needed to do a Powerpoint on, and I completely forgot that its due date was on the 4th. The fee is like ₱2/day so I’ll have to pay around ₱8 to ₱10 by next week, depending on when I’ll feel like returning the book. How often do you do laundry? I don’t; my mom prefers to do it herself. Do you have a piggy bank? Maybe as a kid, but I never took it seriously because I didn’t sit well with the fact that I couldn’t see the money I’ve been saving. I’ve stuck with a good old wallet ever since, just so I can know my progress. Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? I don’t, actually. I wonder what numbers I used to secure my locks :o What's your favorite DIY crafts youtube channel? Aren’t a lot of those misleading and downright fake? Could you spend hours on pinterest? I’ve never spent more than five minutes at one time on that website/app. Do you own plaid pants? Nah, it’s not really my style. Have you ever had to wear a school uniform? I had to wear my school’s uniform for 14 straight years. All I ever wore Monday through Friday for that span of time. What was your high school's mascot? We don’t have a mascot; we just have school colors. What were your high school's team colors? Gold, white, blue. Who were your best friends in high school? Angela, Gabie, Athenna, and Sofie. Others I was close with were Chelsea, Kaira, and Fern. Who was your first boyfriend or girlfriend? Gab. Have you ever been to Chicago? Nope but it’s a dream. If yes, what do you like best about it? The FOOD, the culture, the museums. Have you ever stayed in a hostel? Nope, never been. Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? Bottom. I wouldn’t like sleeping somewhere that felt unnatural, and lying down way high from the floor is definitely one of those things. Do you love camping? I’ve never tried, so I don’t know. Would you rather sleep in a tent or under the stars? Lie under the stars for as long as I can, then pass out in a tent. What insects are you afraid of? Cockroaches. Have you ever had a secret admirer that left you notes? I haven’t. Are you close with your cousins? I have a good relationship with most of my cousins, mom’s side; but I’m especially close with my eldest cousin, who I essentially view as my older brother. I’m so-so with cousins on my dad’s side - we were very close as kids, but they moved further to the south and I never really get to see them anymore, so we grew more shy as the years passed.  Are you close to any aunts or uncles? I love my mom’s cousins; they’re all younger than her and they’re mostly late Gen X-ers so they’re more hip and cool hahaha. I wouldn’t say we’re close but they are definitely much easier to talk to than other older relatives. Are you close to your grandparents? I seldom get to see my paternal grandparents because they live with the ^ same cousins I’ve since grown quite distant from, so I wouldn’t say I’m close to them but of course I love them all the same. I was very close with my maternal grandfather when he was still alive as I always knew what to do to make him laugh; and I am also crazy for my maternal grandmother, although in the last few years she’s been all about Jesus so sometimes it gets a little draining hearing about how I should always pray and that “God can answer all [my] problems.” Still love her loads, though. Who betrayed your trust? A friend did, many years ago. Who was your first best friend (apart from a sibling)? Bold of you to assume a sibling was my first best friend, because you’re wrong lol. I’d consider this girl we calle Kaye the first one; we were class number buddies in Kinder 1 (I was 4, she was 5) so we got close quickly. She changed schools by Grade 1 and I haven’t talked to her since, but I still remember her fondly. What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? I was never allowed at sleepovers when I was a kid. What kind of popcorn is your favorite? Sweet-flavored ones. I could never take dry-ass plain/salted popcorn. It has to be something like salted caramel or parmesan. Does your town have a big fountain in it? If we do have one, I’ve never seen it. But I’m pretty sure we don’t. What is your town known for? For being on a mountain and being ridiculously hard to get to because 1) of its winding, accident-prone roads, and 2) IT’S ON A MOUNTAIN. I live in the area of Antipolo just before you start to go up, so I don’t get offended much by the complaints of everyone else; but I’m in solidarity nonetheless with the ~mountain-dwellers~ just because I used to go to school in upper Antipolo. Do you currently live in the city you grew up in? I mostly grew up in Antipolo, so yes I still live here. I did live in Manila in my early childhood but that time was much shorter than the time I’ve spent in my current city. What's one way in which you're behind the times? I hate Minecraft and I hate Fortnite even more. What's one way in which you're still a child? I love coloring books :) What's one way in which you're old? I have a bad back. Do you feel old or young? Or do you feel both at different times? Definitely feel a bit of both, depending on my mood. The perfect example could be that I can be annoyed seeing younger kids make so much noise, but the next day I can be exactly like those kids making a bunch of noise with my friends. How old are you? I am 21. Do you know what you want to do for your next birthday? No, not yet. Quite early to think about at this point, really. If yes, what is it? A private dinner would already sound perfect. What is the last new thing you discovered that was really good? Vaping. I mean don’t try it if you haven’t already, but yeah. What would be the best surprise you could receive right now? Tbh if my mom came home carrying a box of Yellow Cab pizza. AKA something that would NEVER happen; she snobs Yellow Cab cos she thinks they’re too expensive for pizza. Do you usually forgive when someone hurts your or try to get revenge? I get my revenge, subtly. Were there any subjects in school that were really easy for you? Our subject Language, which was mandatory back in elementary school, was literally basic English grammar. Not everyone in my former school spoke fluent English so a lot of them weren’t all that good at the subject; but for people like me who had a solid grasp of English and read a lot to begin with, the class was basically a breather from the other more difficult classes. If so, what? ^ I already told ya all about it. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? Skipping grades isn’t a thing in my former school which is honestly a good thing for me cos it would have bred a lot of competition. But students would have to repeat a level if their grades showed that they had to; I wasn’t one of them. What time of day were you born? 9:11 in the evening. What is the best hairstyle you've ever had? I loved my layered hair like 10 years ago. It was probably the only time I did something to my hair that wasn’t just a trim, so I enjoyed that experience. I also liked cutting my hair way, way too short last year; it was a bold move but I liked how it look, as did everyone else. Do you think you look better with dyed hair or natural hair? I’ve never tried dyeing my hair so I wouldn’t know. Do you think your look better with curly hair or straight hair? Curly, I think. Do you have bangs? I have baby bangs but they’re just stubborn hair standing around my head lmao but no I don’t have actual bangs. Do you think you look better with bangs or without? I haven’t tried getting bangs as an adult. I did look cute with them as a toddler though :( Do you think you look better with long hair or short? Long. What's your favorite rock band? Paramore, if they still count. Who's your favorite country singer? None. Do you ever listen to Celtic music? No. Do you listen to Hillsong? No. Did you try the unicorn frappuccino, and if yes, were you a fan? No I never tried it. Have you ever won a contest? I won a school quiz bee and an essay writing contest before, but I wouldn’t call the latter legitimate. It was just a writing contest about wrestling held by a local TV station and the three best entries got to win WWE t-shirts haha. Have you ever wanted to be a model, actress, singer, or dancer? I wanted to be a model when I was like 12. No fucking clue what was going through my head at the time. When you look at your baby pictures, do you recognize yourself? Sure. Has your hair color changed since you were a toddler? Nope. Do you wear matching socks? Yes. How many drawers does your dresser have? Three. Do you own an American flag shirt? No thanks. Do you own a British flag shirt? I don’t. The Union Jack got overused by 2011 Tumblr, honestly. Do you have a seashell collection? I don’t. Aren’t we prohibited from getting those from beaches? That’s the case in the Philippines, anyway. Do you have a rock collection? I do not. Do you decorate for Halloween? We didn’t decorate the house but I celebrated it with friends this year. What is your favorite thing to do in the pool? Float around and relax. Flamingos or pineapples? ??? Flamingos, I guess? Cacti or seashells? Seashells. Maple tree or palm tree? Palm tree. Dreamcatcher or wind chimes? Dreamcatchers! Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? I probably have at few points. Do you have a crush right now? Yes. What color was your first car? My first and current car is white. Was your first car used or new? I’m actually not sure. It was my dad who purchased it. Do you have a car now? Yep. What color(s) eyeshadow do you wear the most? I never wear any.

[multimodalmagic]

*Gentle music fades in*

Rebecca: This is the You Are Not Alone Podcast brought to you by Rebecca Santana with my co-hosts today Jessie Modrak and Noah Sullivan. Jessie is a recent UF graduate. Noah is a current UF student, as am I. And to start this off, I just want to say this is not going to be super happy podcast. It is about a very serious subject: Suicide rates among college students and mental health among college students. It’s not a super fun subject to talk about but it’s really important, so I have two students with me today to talk about their own personal experiences with that. First I really want to mention a UF student who took his own life very recently. In early June Huixiang Chen a former UF doctoral student took his own life and so we just want to take a moment to remember him.

*moment of silence*

Rebecca: So Jessie, tell me about what you’ve seen in terms of mental health among college students and kind of your experience with that.

Jessie: Yeah so, I feel like personally I have never struggled with a lot of the same mental health challenges that I’ve seen a lot of my very close friends struggle with. I’ve seen people who constantly have anxiety attacks over their academic school work or because of the stress of having to be able to financially support themselves while in college. And that’s very hard to witness and also very hard to support people through a lot of times because there really isn’t any proper education on how you should help other people when they’re struggling with mental illness. So when you find yourself interacting with people who are considering taking their own life it can be a very daunting thing and very overwhelming to be able to help walk someone through.

Rebecca: For sure. So would it be surprising for you to know that about a thousand college students take their lives every year?

Jessie: I feel like that figure could honestly even be bigger than that. I wonder even if that’s just  at our university in general or if that’s a consistent stat across other universities, but that number’s already just way too high. 

Rebecca: It’s true. Noah, what did you think about that?

Noah: Well, as transferring from a different university, seeing that the academic standard here is a lot higher than a lot of other colleges. Kids are a lot smarter, and that creates a competitive edge, and kids want to get that competitive edge and they’re making themselves more stressed out cause they’re studying a lot more. They’re studying harder. They’re studying longer hours. They’re exhausting their body. They’re not gaining the actual nutrients they need because all the time they’ve taken to study. So just to see them put their body through, and their minds through extraneous studying, and behaviors that cause them to stress and get depressed can change their mindset, and it looks terrible throughout the universities across the nations because it just proves that our education system is not really helping us but could be destroying us inside, internally.

Jessie: I think another thing to touch upon is the social pressure that I feel like a lot of college students are under, especially with the use of social media. I think people are way more prone to comparing themselves to others. And when you are feeling alone and by yourself, the first thing that you turn to is your phone, and people paint a reality that might not be actually showing the full picture, and so it kind of sinks people deeper into that hole and make them feel more alone. And it kind of just adds to all of that additional academic stress to be able to prove yourself, not just as a student, but as an emerging adult in this world. That you are capable of being able to financially support yourself and also being able to mentally support yourself, it can be a lot to handle.

Noah: Yeah.

Rebecca: Yeah

Noah: Honestly, as a person that doesn’t have a phone, I’ve been without a phone for three weeks now. Not having to go on social media, not having to worry about anything outside then what my realm is that’s right in front of me has been different cause it’s what matters what’s in front of me versus what’s in virtual reality, and it’s nice not having to worry about the outside but only if things are close to me.

Rebecca: Yeah, I think there’s a lot to manage, a lot to keep up with, and especially most people  coming into college who have never ever had to do any of this on their own. You know, create new social circles. The pressure’s really intense and trying to maintain perceptions about yourself to the rest of the world can be incredibly stressful. More than half of college students in the United States have admitted to having suicidal thoughts at one point or another. Not saying that all of those students had them while in college, but I think that just kind of says something about our academic system and how it might not be working to our advantage all the time.

Jessie: Yeah, no I mean I definitely agree. I’m curious to even know what the stats are for people who are our age who aren’t in college to see exactly how they’re able to mentally cope with the reality of their own lives too because if you’re not in college as a full time student, odds are at this point in your life, from 18 to your early twenties, you’re probably working full time and that adds its own other layer of stress. So it is very interesting, but I’m also curious to see whether or not it’s actually the academics that’s completely to blame for this increase of suicide rates. 

Rebecca: For sure. It’s definitely a lot of people in our general age group. The people most likely to commit suicide are in their late teens and early twenties, so definitely in the same age group. Not always late teens. There has been a spike in earlier teens also. There’s been a spike in suicide rates in general across the board but definitely among our age group specifically. Just something to consider. Gay people are much more likely to commit suicide, and just in our generation there are a lot of people who are not conforming to general normal sexuality, normal gender norms, that sort of thing which can always create that, maybe that plays a role. But I think there are a lot of reasons that people in our age group can be feeling that way, but there aren’t always resources for us, which is the problem. So tell me about the resources that you felt you had available to you in college and now as a recent graduate that you feel you have available to you now. 

Jessie:  Yeah, so I feel like being able to cope with and maintain your mental health can take place in so many different forms, and it’s really different for each individual. I’m a strong proponent for being active, and that if you can take care of your body physically it can help you take care of your mental capacity. In college I dove face first into recreational club sports, and I made that a huge stress reliever for me because it allowed me to be able to actually disconnect from my academic world and from my personal life and helped me really to just focus on strengthening my body. And also it brought me so many positive connections in my life. And even so now, I still use sports as a mental health escape, but that’s just what I do. In college I also went through a very difficult time when I lost my father unexpectedly and I turned to the Counseling and Wellness Center for help, and I was told that I needed to sit in on a group therapy session because that was the only option that they had available, and all therapists within our city were completely booked for the next four or five months, so I really had no opportunity to talk to someone one on one individually about what I was going through. And so the only way that I could seek support was going to be through that group/peer avenue, and that was just something that I didn’t feel necessarily comfortable with or what I wanted to do in order to help myself heal from all of the pain and trauma that I was experiencing at that time, so that was really frustrating to have wanted to turn to my university and to tell them these things. And in order to have gotten extensions on a lot of my assignments because I was struggling, I had to prove my father’s death, and I wish I had felt more support from the university during that hard time.

Rebecca: Yeah, absolutely. I feel like a lot of students at UF and across the nation are just not being served right by their universities in terms of funding for mental health and programs in general. I have had my own difficult experiences with the Wellness Center at UF. Noah, as a transfer student what kind of mental health resources did you have at your old school and how do they differ from what you have at UF?

Noah: Resources that we had at UNF… It was talked about, but is was never a huge source. There was the LGBT community, that wellness center, and then there’s a women’s help center, but you hardly heard about it. They definitely made you listen and do a lot of reviews, not reviews but a lot of seminars with the campus. Each class, like a civics class they made you take, take you into and watch a presentation of it, but it was very hard to access. You could walk in and do walk in hours, but it was very hard to look up online to see whether or not they’re available for not. But I’ve never experienced anything like that so I’ve never looked into it as much as other people have so my general knowledge about the resources is very vague. But here I’ve seen a lot of good things about the CWC, but I’m forced to the career wellness center here for a class, but I haven’t done it yet, so I’m curious to see how it goes. But just to see from UNF to UF, the resources here seems more apparent than it did at UNF. 

Rebecca: Yeah, I definitely think UF has tried to do a good job about educating people about these services and about these resources, but actually having them available has been the issue. I know other students who have talked about just very long waits to get appointments. When they are able to get appointments there’s a time limit. Most people, if they’re actually seeing a one-on-one therapist at the Wellness Center, they are only able to see them for... I think six weeks is the maximum, and then after that what do you do if you’re not feeling yourself again let’s say. I personally think it’s a funding issue. I think colleges across the nation are just not putting enough money into these programs, and we just seem like we don’t have enough people on staff in our Wellness Center to keep up with the demand for mental health care, you know, here at UF especially in this really competitive environment. 

Jessie: Yeah, I feel like that could be it. I full-heartedly believe that everyone who’s involved in the Counseling and Wellness Center is truly doing their jobs in order to make people’s lives better, and it could be a funding issue, but I also think there’s such a high demand for it that even with enough money we should be trying to figure out what more can we do ‘cause it’s not going to be just about making sure that everyone has their own personal therapist. It’s going to be about making sure that we all support each other and that we can all rely on each other for mental health, not just on a professional. In certain cases I think that bringing in a professional can be very helpful for people who are really suffering from suicidal thoughts and depression and anxiety, but I feel like a lot of what college is is just going to be very intense degrees of stress, and we need to be able to properly educate students on how to handle their stress management and how to be able to make sure that they find avenues in which they can decompress.

Rebecca: Yeah, absolutely. Noah what have you found helps you manage your mental health as a student?

Noah: I really like my job. My job creates a good environment for me actually. I know some people might not like it, but I work for New Scooters 4 Less, and it stays to my schedule very well, plus I’m on two club sports teams, so I play a lot of sports. And that clears my mind because I’m thinking about the sport at the time instead of thinking all the mental stuff that’s happening in my head. So it clears it out, gets that frustration out. I also like gardening a lot, so I garden a lot, and that gives me a lot of time to think for myself and to have my own time of peace and kind of meditate on what I need to think about.

Rebecca: Nice. Awesome. So just a few things here to wrap this up. If you think that someone you know might be struggling with these issues, just really try to be empathetic and listen to them. A lot of people just really feel like they need to be heard, so always be that ear. If you do go to UF or are a staff or faculty member you can take some trainings. An online training is available or an in-person training about how to spot some of the warning signs that someone might be having suicidal thoughts, and if you need to call someone right away you can call either the National Suicide Prevention Hotline or the Alachua County Crisis Center. I have the number for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline right now. It is 1-800-273-8255. This has been the You Are Not Alone Podcast. I am your host, Rebecca Santana, and thank you so much for listening.

*Gentle music fades out*

[everything-in-particular]

1-100 also 😘

Honestly I deserve this payback. This is gonna take forever to answer.

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

More cereal

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

I don’t know what winter is I live in Texas

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

I use literally whatever I have in my hand at the time, paper clips, snickers wrappers. There’s no cute bookmarkes It’s all dog ears and trash.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

In large quantities and in many different ways. Coffee, black with some sort of flavor. If not that then just coffee and creamer, no sugar. Tea is usually chai or black just with milk.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

No! And No one should be! Smiles to me are the most attractive thing about people.

6: do you keep plants?

I’ve had a succulent for six months and I have not watered it nor cared for it and it’s still alive so…

7: do you name your plants?

I have another succulent that has five stems and my friend named them all after the scooby doo gang.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

I don’t have feelings. But I have literally exhausted all artistic mediums.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

My favorite thing to do is belt out songs when I’m home alone or driving in a car so yeah.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

Trick question I don’t sleep

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

I have too many. With my best friend sometimes we just scream old people names at each other in text.

Example:

Bff: ALFRED

Me: BERNARD

Bff:  ALTHEA

Me: KEITH

Bff: KEITH!!!

And then with a couple other friends we have one where we yell the “Where are you” from Blink 182’s “I miss you”

12: what’s your favorite planet?

This one. Its really nice. lov the oxygen. having rings lik saturn here would be neato but its cool.

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

I was planning to make brownies tonight and then I gave up half way through so I just ate brownie batter and it was great, college is great.

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

It’d be one of those open industrial plans with lofts and spiral stair cases and wooden frames on the ceiling. Big windows

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

if two untreated metals in space touch they will bond permanently bc there is no oxygen to form an oxidized layer around the metal. Dont wear earings in the vaccum of space i guess. You’ll never be able to take the backings off

6: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

All.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

Green

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

We had the cops called on us because on of my friends barked at my neighbors dog.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

I have my notes on my phone and in it are about 807 entries ranging from random shit like a single word “zoo” with no context or explanation. Entire novels that I was writing and gave up on the last chapter, also conversations with no context between characters that I made up that have no names. Also, recipes for stupid things like Mac and cheese balls, ideas for artwork/stories/products. Essentially nothing is finished. I also have around 10 sketchbooks that have never been completed.

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

All of them but the ones that are like brown and then transition to blueish greenish at the edges at trippy and cool.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

I struggle with bags and purses. I always leave them places. This is why I am a very passionate advocate for womens clothing to have bigger pockets

22: are you a morning person?

If by morning do you mean when I wake up at 2pm? Because even then no. Don’t talk to me when I’ve woken up.

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

Sleep

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Yeah it’s really nice.

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

Not weird just a new house that hadn’t been bought yet.

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

See I get a pair like that once a year and  I’ll wear the shit out of it then they get holes and I have to get rid of them.

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

Mint. I hate the taste of bubble gum flavor bubble gum

28: sunrise or sunset?

If I’m awake to see a sunrise I am not a happy person that shits too early. Sunset all the way

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

Exist

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

Yeah. I’ve been absolutely freaking terrified.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

I like cool socks and I enjoy wearing socks but also I cannot be bothered to actually find a pair to put on in the morning so I never wear socks.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

Literally every fun story happens after 3 am, id be here all day. 

33: what’s your fave pastry?

I fucking love Pillsberry Crescent croissants. Like don’t give me legit croissants made in France, I won’t like it as much as pillsberry.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

It’s name is Chicky and it’s actually I think supposed to be a stuffed duck, but I was 2 so I called it Chicky. Fun fact, my mom and everyone would ask me if Chicky was a a boy or a girl because I would call it he and she interchangeably and usually just Chicky. And my response would always be. “It’s just Chicky” and then they would ask “but is it a boy or girl?” And my three year old self was just like “??? Are you not paying attention? It’s a Chicky” so yeah I was fighting gender normatively at a young age, I was a pretty woke 3 year old.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

I’m hella picky about nice pens but I don’t care how they look just how they write.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

Of Monsters and Men

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

It’s not that I like keeping it messy but it will always always always be untidy.

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

When people speak for me. Like when someone asks me a question and then someone else goes “Well Annaleise doesn’t want to-” or something along the lines of that. Like I’m right here and I can speak for myself thanks.

39: what color do you wear the most?

Gray.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

I gotta small silver rose necklace that I got for my 16th birthday. And I haven’t taken it off since. I used always love painting and drawing and making a doodling roses. And my mom picked up on it and gave me the necklace.

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

Always Harry Potter.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

I’m a slave to Starbucks but there’s a cute place on our campus called The Nook and it’s super hipster and they have huge chalk board walls for people to draw on which I love and of course they have great coffee.

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

Fourth of July a couple years ago with my cousins. My aunts house is on a lake and the sky is super clear and we could see satellites orbiting. First time I’ve ever seen satellites. Super cool.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

Spring break when I finally got back home from college I took a heavy dose of Benadryl because of allergies and I woke up in my own bed feeling soft and sleepy and I had not responsibilities at the moment and it was great.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

Do people not?

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

No puns are the worst. but what do you call a cat who bought a house? A hoMEOWner

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

Coleslaw and coconut water

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

I used to be terrified of lava and tornadoes and while I can’t say I’ve ever seen lava I now go outside whenever there’s a tornado siren so see if I can spot the tornadoes. Now my biggest fear is failure. Isn’t that fun?

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

I like the aesthetic of record players but I do not have the patience to actually go out and buy one, pull out a record, and put it on to listen to the music. 1) because I’m all about instant gratification bc I have like no self control so if I can play it in two seconds on my phone then why would I go through all the trouble of a record and 2) I rarely like all the songs from an album. My music taste is all over the place so even if I like a band I like maybe 3 of there songs and they’d be from different albums.

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

I collected coke cans and bottles. Like any special/old/limited edition coke cans or bottles I would keep them. I have a whole shelf in my closet. I now collect mugs.

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

My brother and Kid Cudi’s “Mr. Rager”

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

The funniest and most random to me has been the “Cask of Amontillado” meme. Also Bone apple tea and student athlete memes kill me idk why.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

I fuck with Heathers (but the musical) and I have seen beetlejuice but it’s been a while. Not seen the others tho.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

My mom.

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

When I was younger I saw in a movie that trick where you put a chair against a door handle to block people from getting in so I used to do it whenever I got mad at my mom.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

I like when people get in a silly mood.

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

I can’t not dramatically reenact the lyrics and I don’t trust people who don’t.

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

In all groups of friends I’m usually the vodka aunt.

59: what’s your favorite myth?

The Trojan Horse has always been hilarious to me because sneaking a whole army into a city through a wooden horse they made sounds like something I would come up with. It’s ridiculous but it still worked.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

Yes, and not to be mainstream but Edgar Allen Poe is my bro and according to my grandma we’re related to him through his cousin. But in middle school I had a really awesome English teacher who was obsessed with him and I basically know “The Raven” “Tell Tale Heart” “The cask of Amontillado” and “Annabelle Lee” memorized because of her.

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

I once gave a kids bop CD wrapped in candy canes for a white elephant. At another white elephant I recieved fabric sleeves that had tattoo graphics on them but it didn’t match my skin color. It was great.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

TBH I don’t eat or drink until like 3 pm

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

Nothing in my life is organized.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

Black

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

Many people.

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

It’d have a bunch of different kinds of flowers that don’t match.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Super peaceful and chill.

68: what’s winter like where you live?

What is winter?

69: what are your favorite board games?

I loved Candyland as a kid.

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

FUCK.THAT.

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

Chai and Black tea

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

Yes I do need to jot everything down because I will forget. But do I? No.

73: what are some of your worst habits?

Touching bad skin on my face.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

A super brave and bad ass who also has deep feelings and really cares a lot. Super creative and really hilarious. hot shit. coolest person i know

75: tell us about your pets!

I have a Maltipoo named Poppy and I love her. She’s super sassy and really smart. And yells at me through howling when she wants to play, usually with a toy in her mouth so it sounds super muffled and anything but intimidating.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

Yeah actually I have a huge fucking project. I gotta make 3 vases for my Studio but instead I’m answering 100 questions. It’s my own fault tho. I started it.

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

Pink

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

Minions need to die

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

If anyone ever says “I was thinking about you the other day and-” it’s my favorite thing

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

White because it came with the house. I hate it.

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

a cool pillow

82: are/were you good in school?

I tested well and was good at essays but I was bad about turning in shit. So yes and no.

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

Fleet Foxes

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

In theory I love tattoos and in theory I really want one. Will I ever be able to decide on a design? We shall see. Also my mom told us that if any of us got tattooed she’s dissown us.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

I don’t like buy comic books but I’m obsessed with all things marvel and D.C. And so I’ll read online stuff.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

Idk what this is so i googled it and i still don’t have an opinion of it.

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Forest Gump, The Princess Bride, Star Wars.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

Impressionism, specifically Monet, specifically “The Magpie”

89: are you close to your parents?

I tell them a lot but I also have to withhold a lot. My mom is pretty, uhh strict, conservative and you could say narrow minded. My dad is a little more relaxed but he always goes along with whatever my mom says so I’m careful.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

I’ve literally only been once but I really loved Pittsburgh. I liked the industrial vibe. I liked how it felt like a small town and a big city at the same time.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

My family’s trying to go to Canada so I’m excited for that.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

Drowns in cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

Ponytail, bun, in a hat, in a beanie, basically any way but down. I have a limited attention span and any time my hair gets in the way I go crazy.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

My sister! She’s thirteen! Its ridiculous yesterday she was 6!

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

Working my ass off to finish this project and then little party I’m throwing in my dorm. The party I can already tell is a bad idea. Still gonna happen tho. 

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

I have not updated my phone nor computer in years (not really but it takes a fucking while)

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

ENTP, Taurus, Ravenclaw

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

A few years ago and yes I wish I lived somewhere where I could do it all the time.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

Float on by Modest mouse is my life’s theme song

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

Future. It’d be awesome to skip four years of this brutal program and arrive with a degree and a job. Five Years in the past means i gotta go through highschool again. Fuck That shit.

OKAY DONE SORRY FOR THE LONG ASS POST BLAME @jak

[itscollincampbell-blog]

From Start to Finish

Throughout the course of everyone’s schooling there are going to be inevitable changes. These changes can range from moving to another town to simply aging out of one school and having to attend another. The school system in Kennebunk Maine is no different in this regard. In fact, there were more school changes here than most districts would have. For grades k-3 there were three different schools, grades 4-5 had their own school, grades 6-8 had one, and then there was the high school. This doesn’t even take into account the elementary schools that kids from different towns would go to before middle school and high school.

The most turbulent time for changing schools was in grades k-3. It was almost every year that the school changed for some of the students. At first there was Cousins or Park Street school, and then by my time in third grade they had finished building a brand new elementary school. It has been a long time since I’ve been to either Cousin’s school or Park Street, however, I remember both of them feeling very old. Both of these schools seemed ancient at the time, and had an abundance of wooden accents on the railings, crown, and baseboards. Neither of these are schools anymore though as they have been transformed into condominiums since the new elementary school was built. This new elementary school is very nice, they have state of the art technology in every room, and a lot of natural light that makes it feel nice inside. It was really a special time for me to got to this school because we were the first class to ‘graduate’ from that school. I only got to attend this school for one year of my schooling, but during that year, everybody was very excited to have this brand new school.

Grades 4-8 are somewhat of a blur, both of the schools were very similar, and it seemed as though not much happened between them. I remember that the middle school was a relatively new building that I really enjoyed. It felt like everything was fresh and nice, yet it did not give off a hospital vibe. This school was also a harbinger of freedom, I was at the age at which my parents would let me bike to school or stay after with friends. The library was my favorite place in this school, it was the place that my friends and I would hang out during our study halls, and disrupt people that probably actually wanted to study. It was a truly nice experience despite what most people go through during their middle school years. Grades 4-5 we had a nice enough school, although it definitely felt like it could use a fresh layer of paint. But I do remember that the playground here was truly elite. They had a brand new jungle gym while I was there that my friends and I adored. This school is currently embroiled in a battle to stay open as a lot of people don’t think it’s worthwhile to keep a school open for only two grades. This doesn’t make sense in my mind as it’s the only school in town that is completely paid for, and it’s in a relatively central location making it easy for everybody to get to school.

Finally come my high school years. I started high school in 2012, and graduated in 2016, and a lot changed during that time. When I started, there were rumblings of a big renovation, at the time I didn’t really see the point, it was just a school and it seemed to do the job. However, as I progressed to my junior year, I noticed that there were some pretty huge problems, ranging from freezing cold classrooms to having to walk what seemed like miles to get to a functioning bathroom. My senior year was when the renovations for the school actually began. And that was terrible. The actual renovations seemed to make the problems I had noticed worse. Demolition was letting the heat out, and it also meant that we needed to use a lot of portable classrooms. These portable classrooms were at least a five minute walk to the bathrooms. On top of that, if there was a fire, all students in the portables would have to walk underneath a burning overpass thanks to the fences surrounding the school. It is a much nicer building now, but while I was attending that school, it was absolutely terrible.

Throughout my years of schooling, there have been many changes of location. There was also a lot of variance between the schools that I got to attend as far as quality. That being said, I was very happy while attending all of the schools, no matter how ramshackle they were. Also conveniently, it is actually nice to change up the school that you go to every couple years. The change in locations made it feel as if you got a fresh start every time that you advanced a few grade levels.  

[pauldeckerus]

Guest Blog: Educator & Photoshop Magician Bret Malley

LIFE IS A COMPOSITE

Hello everyone! For this guest blog post (thank you Scott and Brad for the wonderful invite to contribute!), folks are probably hoping to eek out some super slick tips and tricks about compositing, both for shooting and editing alike (and I’ll definitely deliver on those—I promise!).

But I also wanted to get a bit more philosophical about the nature of compositing and its greater possibilities and implications in my own life’s grand composite—and perhaps yours as well.

For those that could care less about the musings and meandering background of a super Photoshop wizard/nerd and just want the goods, feel free to jump down to the header “Five Tips for Shooting and Editing Composite Images” (you’re welcome :-)!

For everyone else feeling either a bit more curious, pensive, or similarly introspective, please read on!

Put Daddy Down, Please

Like creating any new image, I like to start at the beginning with sketches of the process and figure out some kind of endgame. So here we go with a medley of biography, discovery, and realization—but first, an overview!

Filtering and searching way way back, some of my earliest memories are of making art with computers—and after teaching Photoshop for over a decade at the university and college level (yes, big time-leap there!), and writing two books on compositing in Photoshop, I realize the lens through which I perceive the world and life in general has been forever altered. It’s helped me shape my own creative direction. As my (nearly) six year old son now describes his dreams to me in terms of Photoshop tools and features (and accurately I might add!), I see that my focus has even spilled (just a bit) onto my family as well (sorry, family!).

I also realize that I’ve always been a compositor in life—or at least a collector, editor, and creator in some form for nearly my entire 33 years of being. I also believe that we all are compositors to some extent, whether or not we realize it; after all, life is essentially one mega composite we piece together one experience, moment, scar, and laugh at a time… I know, deeeep, right?

But seriously, there is a lot to be said about having a creative career concept, a goal, and using the pieces you have at hand (some garbage and some pure gold)—and seeking out or creating the ones for the concept we’re after. Yes, this is one big “compositing is a box-of-chocolates” life metaphor/story (please excuse the metaphor merge here). So for those interested in going a bit deeper into these layers, here’s a bit of my own composited story… And no, it does not start with a floating feather picked up by Tom Hanks—but that was a pretty damn good composited intro for its time!

A Little Personal History Panel Scrolling way back again into my own childhood, I was doomed to be an artist from the onset. Starting with lining beans up into a perfectly (obsessively) straight line on some craft paper, my mother had me pegged at only a year or so of age. I believe her gardening journal for that day read something prophetic such as, “he’s definitely doomed to be an artist.” Okay, she probably did not use the word “doomed” but the realization was definitely meta tagged in there.

And while my mom was hobbit level earthy, my dad was equally Tron level nerdy as he ran his own “cutting-edge” computer business in the 80s. Dual custody between the two was like going back and forth from PC to Mac every week—blast you Ctrl vs Cmd!

However, when living with my dad on his week with me, I had access to gadgets such as those early scanners (the kind you had to hand roll over your images with) and the very first digital art applications. I discovered that when bored enough, there was definitely quite a bit you could do with nothing more than a pencil tool and paint bucket.

I was constantly inspired with the fantasy garden dreamland of my mom’s place and was jacked into the Grid at my dad’s. This all happened with a backdrop of living near Yosemite as my non-virtual backyard. This combination made for some interesting early digital art to say the least! Hidden metaphor tip in this—pick out an interesting background if you can.

Fantasy Landscape featuring some good old archived Yosemite imagery. Mac OS is not the only one that gets inspiration from this place!

Learn From Failure And Success Unfortunately though, my first memory of inspirational and creative failure hit deep (definitely a destructive edit). Apparently the local county fair art competition judges did not understand digital art of any kind (there was definitely no category for it in the early 90s). I suppose I can dismiss my “honorable mention” non-award award, in that I was perhaps a bit too ahead of my time as the crayon drawn house with a crappy looking rainbow took first place that year. Solid play on that kid’s part though—and it’s a good thing I’m still not bitter about it… because that would be one strange snapshot of childhood to travel around with waiting to use as a background to motivation.

Speaking of which, these are all literal (mental) pictures in my life I that have inserted into a number of life compositions and choices. Some imagery we just have with us, and it shapes what we can do with it, who we are, and where we’re going with the pieces. My mental archive to this day is my most cherished inspirational material. Sometimes for texture, narrative, concept, or adding some atmosphere—or revenge! Check out my composite from ten or so years ago (notice the house with a rainbow? Take that, first place-winner kid from childhood!).

Rainbow’s End, a fantasy composite of over 200 layers created from my own photography archive back in 2008.

Each Composite Has Its Strengths, Difficulties and Elements of Contrast Scroll down/forward a bit to an awesome artsy Waldorf school education and my dad tragically passing away when I was nine years old (yeah, that one sucked). Regardless of what the life experience is, both joy and drama can definitely add dimension to the composite—and this too had a hand in heavily shaping the direction of my ongoing layering and the direction I have since taken the composition.

From then on, it was entirely up to my mom to see my interests in digital arts continued and supported—and for that she essentially made sure we had a computer loaded with art programs (thank you, mom!) including an early version of Adobe Photoshop (version 2), and the rest was up to me.

An interesting counterpoint complication to this form of creativity was the influences of my school. A large part of the Waldorf School philosophy was/is to heavily discourage computer and screen-time use for children (even back then) of any kind, so I was always a bit of a closeted digital art nerd.

This snapshot of minor intrigue and juxtaposition came in handy though, at least creatively—I was a well supported digital rebel. And contrast is always a nice touch for just about any final image. So is community and family support for that matter.

To Create Is To Play By the time I was released into the public high school along with my friends, we all had computers (finally!), and we were soon killing each other on networked computer games of extreme violence and gore. But even then, I was somehow the ultimate class creative nerd, even in gaming—and would use my super art/design magic to create beautifully elaborate and intricate game levels to then brutally trap and murder my friends within (what are besties for after all?).

This was another technical direction to the development of my creativity—and my friends definitely paid the price with their avatar lives. I learned that like legos, building your vision is incredibly fun and rewarding. Imagination could be made tangible—and even playable. This is how I think of digital creative tools to this day. Only with less gore.

Experiment And Push Your Creativity To The Edge Throughout high school though, I never took an actual art class until darkroom photography (which blew my mind and forever changed my life—more on this soon) my final term of senior year. Even without any traditional art classes for four years of high school, I was misguidedly voted on by my peers as “Most Artistic” student of our class (which I bet confused the hell out of those art teachers I never met).

However, it was the photography class that truly had the most impact as I found a catalyst for my creative medium. Even back then, I began compositing, Jerry Uelsmann style, in the darkroom, combining everything I shot.

At 18 years old I took a trip to Europe with some close friends, and started scanning and compositing the resulting images in Photoshop before I really knew what compositing was. Experimenting a bit and pushing yourself creatively is an important goal for any big project.

As mentioned, taking that photography course opened my eyes to the pure magic of a new kind of image creation. It also most definitely made me wonder why I took band as an elective for all those years instead of photography (what was I thinking?!)… But then again I may never have met my wife as she was first chair clarinetist, so there is that.

In any case, I went on to UC Santa Cruz for a degree in Film and Digital Media, then immediately on to graduate school at Syracuse University for an MFA degree in Computer Art. This is where I took my self-taught Photoshop skills to another level and started winning awards and various features—and my first master class tutorial in Advanced Photoshop magazine.

That, unfortunately, gave me the first inkling that I could indeed write a book on the subject. This was also a great lesson that just because you could do something, does not mean you should—but that’s another story entirely! (Sorry for writing the book, family! And the second one too).

Advanced Photoshop Magazine Master Class tutorial on Fantasy Landscapes.

Refine Your Concept/Goals and Find Your Drive During graduate school I also directed and edited an award winning feature length documentary on Greenwashing (Greenwashers 2011). Oh, and I also used my minor in electronic music to co-score the feature film as well. For some reason this still gets screened internationally at various festivals and educational institutions (as the concept is still fairly relevant across the world).

This epic filmmaking experience is where the concept of compositing comes back into more relevance. Each of these mediums (for myself at least) are nearly indistinguishable from a creative standpoint. For documentary filmmaking, it is about collecting, gathering, imagining, pre-visualizing, then shaping, arranging, layering, building, and whittling to the core of the concept and balance of the story and composition. It’s a different dimension of the same processes as compositing in Photoshop. Same with music composition as well—you build, piece by piece, layer by layer, getting each element in the appropriate location, at the right level of intensity and emotion—everything needs to resonate and blend seamlessly, intentionally. In this layer of my life (well, more like a smart object, really), it awakened the realization of power behind the combination of intent and craft. Results were the results (obviously?).

Enjoy your Inspiration Moving to the Pacific NW, my wife and I soon had a son, Kellen (okay, my wife obviously did all of the real work on that part of creation some six years ago), and my world became both smaller and much much larger all at once. The only creative outlet and interest I really had was in raising my little super-dude, so this became a literal compositing theme in my Photoshop work.

We all use the tools and resources we have at hand, so I unabashedly drew my family into my creative obsessions. Out went any need for gaming, and in came a new level of digital play that was more addicting than any high score or Facebook like (though I have to say, those were nice as well). This realization paralleled my earlier theme of finding out that creating is play in itself as back when I created my own video game levels. Though in this creative play, the gore was definitely replaced with the stinky kind waiting to attack me hiding in some little guy’s diaper—and I definitely paid the price this time around.

Make The Plan, Pursue The Goal With most of my own imagery archived deep, ready to pull out when needed, the most recent elements I had to plan, pursue, and persistently capture at just the right angle, lighting, and timing. From national and international client work, teaching at universities and colleges full-time, in addition to teaching online with Craftsy, CreativeLive, and now with KelbyOne (yay!), these pieces don’t always just fall into place on their own, but take quite a bit of shooting and reshooting to get done right.

I wrote the first edition to Adobe Master Class; Advanced Compositing in Adobe Photoshop before I turned 30, then when that one sold out everywhere, I wrote the second edition (aka tortuous-rewrite/expansion) which just came out this last December. Super proud of this one, though I’m still not sure anything is worth that much slogging at three chapters a week (one new, two edits). Okay, done complaining about my feather.

Conclusion In general, and in case it was somehow missed, this entire story is a bit of a composite in itself, right? It more or less has just the pieces that I feel fit with the concept, creatively, professionally, and personally. Quite a lot has obviously been masked out in this story, but I think that’s the point of compositing in general. Concept to finish, usage of vignettes, paying attention to eye-flow, hierarchy, it all matters in how we move forward and finalize the idea behind it all. We all have choices as to what we bring to our subject and narrative—and how we can better blend the elements we’re perhaps stuck with and the ones we still need to go out and gather.

With proper planning, imagination, numerous fails, attempts and more attempts—and loads of creative drive and obsession, we all composite to some extent. Hopefully we like the results and have a load of fun along the way. For myself, I’m doing my best to think big and make the most of each element I have. My final concept? Have a magical adventure and make it a blast! Okay… that sounded a little bit like I want to take a trip to Disneyland, but I think (hope) you get the point.

And now, as promised, here are some actual relevant tips on shooting and compositing in Photoshop—enjoy!

Five Tips for Shooting and Editing Composite Images

For shooting in-frame composites (ones where all the material is in the same framing), lock down your camera and settings, and use either an intervalometer—or better yet, the wifi or bluetooth wireless tethering capabilities of your camera and phone/tablet app if it has it. Not only can you see and control the live image on your phone or tablet screen, but you can easily see exactly how to better position every single element and push your concept and pre-visualization to the next level.

Again, for in-frame compositing, select each piece you want to bring into the composite using the rectangular marquee tool (M) and give loads of room around each element you drag to select—then copy (Cmd+C/Ctrl+C) and use paste in place (Cmd+Shift+V/Ctrl+Shift+V) in your master composite file. This will paste the selected content exactly where it was copied from, leaving out the guesswork and the wasted time spent having to tediously move the element to properly match up with the background content. Mask as needed—you may not even need to use Select and Mask, and rather, just paint with a soft brush around the subject and edges of the copies (if there is nothing overlapping behind it).

Sometimes a single layer can be slightly too light, too dark, too warm, cool, etc. than the others (even those shot during the same shoot!)—use clipped adjustments when this happens. This tip is an obvious one for some, but if you are not yet using clipped adjustments, you are definitely missing out on the amazing potential to isolate adjustments from layer to layer without globally adjusting your composite from the top down. To clip an adjustment layer to affect a single layer, place the new adjustment (or any layer with an altered blending mode that you want to only affect the one below it) directly above the one you want to clip to; next, hold down Alt/Opt while you click directly between the two layers. Just before you click, you should see the mouse pointer change to a clipped icon indicating the hotspot for this killer feature. Adjustment layers also come pre-equipped with this capability in the form of a button at the bottom of the properties panel for the adjustment layer.

When shooting composites such as adding a subject to a completely different background (such as those shot in studio being transported to outside or a different location in general), don’t just match lighting direction and quality (this should be a given, hopefully ;-), but match both original background shot focal length (check the essential metadata in Bridge or Lightroom to see your settings) as well as frame position and distance of the subject to the camera. This will not only make your compositing SO much easier in post, but it will definitely make it look more believable as our eyes pick up on even small things that are off—even if we can’t exactly put our finger on it.

One trick I use to better color continuity in all composite scenarios is to desaturate all the various elements, then bring in your own color cast effects or filters—then increase the vibrance as a global adjustment (not saturation). For warmer tones, try something like a new solid fill layer that is a yellow-orange. Change its blending mode to Overlay and decrease the layer’s saturation to under 15%. This always adds some nice warmth to a composite without muddying the highlights like the Photo filter often does. Another thing to play around with is the Color Lookup adjustment layer as this adjustment has some quite interesting presets that you can toggle through much like phone photography app filters. You can always use the adjustment layer’s opacity slider to bring in however much you want or don’t want for the desired effect.

And with that, I will leave you all to ponder the meaning of your own composites, whether in the grand picture of life—or more literally within Photoshop. Either way, rock on!

You can see more of Bret’s work at BretMalley.com, check out his classes on KelbyOne, and keep up with him on Facebook and LinkedIn!

The post Guest Blog: Educator & Photoshop Magician Bret Malley appeared first on Scott Kelby's Photoshop Insider.

from Photography News https://scottkelby.com/guest-blog-educator-photoshop-magician-bret-malley/

[nofomoartworld]

Bad at Sports Sunday Comics with Tara Booth

By Krystal DiFronzo

Tara Booth’s work is an assertive clash of color that depicts the most humbling and sticky situations. Some relatable moments include trying to pee while wearing a romper, cutting bangs into near oblivion, and stoned Amazon shopping (with the resulting surprise package hangover). My first introduction to Booth’s comics were through her Tumblr back in the golden age of cartoonists using that platform. Since then she’s had her work published by kuš! and Colorama. She regularly posts comics and in progress work on her Instagram @tarabooth. 

Krystal DiFronzo: The first thing I noticed about your comics is the density of information, there’s so much color and pattern all piled on top of each other! Also you use gouache like a painter, not like a cartoonist coloring between lines. The ghost layers of paint create this constant atmospheric movement. The reader is made aware of the hand and medium, unlike traditional pen and ink comics. Do you have a background in painting prior to your comics? If so, why the transition to comics or are they all part of a single practice?

Tara Booth: I studied painting and graduated with a BFA at Tyler School of Art. I used to work on big 4×5 foot canvases that I built, stretched, gessoed, and sanded over and over. This time-consuming preparation, combined with the preciousness of the material gradually grated on me. I appreciate the importance of these processes and I’m happy to have access to this skill set, but it wasn’t something that I ever wanted to include in my everyday art practice (due to my extreme and often debilitating impulsivity). Producing work in art school wasn’t a problem for me, but I wasn’t a great student. It became increasingly difficult to connect to ideas being taught in my painting and art theory classes, which were focused more on abstraction and conceptualism than direct representation or narrative, which is where my interest had always been. The language and concepts we studied felt really inaccessible and detached from my experiences as a highly-dramatic, drunk 21-year-old. I started to focus more on folk art, Lowbrow, and self-taught artists. I began reading more comics, and decided I wanted to make paintings that were direct, accessible, and inexpensive to produce—so I transitioned to working on paper with gouache, with the ambition of eventually making my own comics.

KD: Your comics also have a lot of unusual formatting choices that affect how you read it. They don’t have any formal paneling or gutters, they flow across the page almost like an animation or a Muybridge study. You can read the comic either left to right or as a single-paged composition. They are also predominantly dialogue-less other than their titles. What made you come to these decisions? What’s your planning process like?

TB: The unusual formatting in my comics isn’t something that I had planned. For the longest time I felt really stunted by my background in traditional painting. I bought a bunch of comics, and attempted  to mirror the techniques I saw, but working in panels always felt totally awkward. I had little experience with Photoshop, storytelling, principles of design… teaching myself how to make a comic felt like an uphill battle. Five years after graduation, I still hadn’t produced anything solid. I had kind of given up, and finally decided that making a shitty comic was better than not making anything at all—that I should worry less about what I think a comic is supposed to look like, and more on painting within the realm of my own abilities. Once I threw all of my preconceived notions out the window and forced myself to get to work, I actually started to get recognition for what I was doing rather quickly. Embracing some of my naivety and focusing on the painterly qualities in my work has compensated for whatever technical obstacles stood in my way. I still struggle with using text in my work. Until I’m more comfortable with my writing, I’m relying symbols, visual cues, facial expressions, and body language to tell my stories.

I like that you mention Muybridge studies, I look at them all the time. They’re one of my main influences. I love them!

KD: It’s a common trope of comics or animation that characters wear the same outfit. Like opening up a closet to rows of one identical dress. Your stand-in wears such incredible outfits in every comic, they almost become characters themselves. Do you have an interest in design? (Please make Fantomah leggings a reality.)

TB: Ha! I would love to work in textile design. In a failed attempt to simplify my life, I’ve ended up with a pretty boring wardrobe. I like to use my little avatar as a paper doll, dressing her up in outfits that I wish I owned myself. (Does anyone want to offer me a job?) I also use the clothing as a way to explore difference ways of drawing. To find different ways to use line, play around with abstraction and incorporate more surreal subject matter. I spend so much time working on this one body of work, I haven’t been prioritizing stylistic experimentation. It’s nice to have tiny t-shirt shaped opportunities to paint in ways that might feel separate from my comics practice. 

KD: I’m emailing you while you’re at Printed Matter’s LA Book Fair, what was the show like for you? Could you talk about your new book with Colorama? 

TB: The Art Book Fair was great! Like plenty of other artists I have a lot of anxiety in social situations, so it was stressful for me, but wow—so much of that melted away as the fair went on. It felt amazing to be surrounded by so many talented people, beautiful books, and all of the supporters who make this stuff possible. I was able to spy on a lot of my instragam art crushes. I loved watching how excited people were to buy my work. I got to see them laugh as they flipped through my prints, and I had some fun conversations. A few people even brought me gifts! But the most important and exciting part of the Art Book Fair was finally meeting my publisher, Johanna! She runs Colorama, a publishing house in Berlin. We’ve been communicating through email for months now, and it felt like the best blind date ever. The book she published for me, “D.U.I.I”.  is the riso printed story of one of the most awful experiences I’ve had. It was also one of the most beneficial things that has ever happened to me. I got a DUII in February 2016. I’m an alcoholic, and this was the culmination of years of increasingly toxic behavior.  Court ordered sobriety seems to be the motivation that I needed to change. I’m incredibly thankful that I didn’t hurt anyone. It’s a humiliating story to tell, but I felt a compulsion to draw it all out. I feel so lucky that Colorama decided to work on this project with me. It’s very different from my more popular, colorful work. I’m still dealing with the stressful and expensive results of that experience. Making the book was a huge part of the process of working through it. I tried to lighten it up a bit and make it silly—but yeah, its all true. 

KD: Your work is true to life but veers into the surreal. It feels like it’s in the same vein as work by Julie Doucet, Gabrielle Bell, or Dori Seda. Artists who told confessional stories of humiliation and embarrassment but added fantastical elements for comedic or therapeutic effect. What about writing semi-autobiographical work interests you? Do you see yourself leaning more towards fiction or towards memoir?

TB: I’ve always been drawn to autobiographies, in comics and in literature. I really admire a lot of the artists you mention, and confessional work like theirs is part of what inspired me to make comics to begin with. For years I’ve kept a diary filled with drawings, but its tricky. Really putting yourself out there is scary. The paintings that I post publicly, while totally based on my daily life, are drastically different in tone and content than what you might find in my journals. My comics are embarrassing, funny, absurd, relatable… they can be sad, but I think it’s easy to see how I use humor and fantasy as a way of dodging some of the more raw and dangerous territory that can make autobiography so potent. I’m glad that my drawings make people laugh, I don’t want to take myself too seriously and I’ll always make silly drawings… I guess I just hope that as I continue to make comics, I’ll find a way to add more depth to my practice, whether it’s by working on developing more complex fictional stories, or by being brave enough to express some of the heavier, and maybe less palatable aspects of my life. 

KD: Outside of comics, what artists or media makers are inspiring you right now?

TB: Well, first I’d like to say how incredibly inspired I am by artists like Marie Jacotey and Aidan Koch, whose work transcends the world of comics. I want the space between the comics world and the art world to keep getting smaller and smaller. These two stand out in my mind as artists that are helping to bridge that gap. I’d love to be a part of that transition. I’m always discovering new painters. Some of my favorites are Misaki Kawai, Austin Lee, Mogu Takahashi, Katherine Bernhardt (I’m inspired both by her paintings, and by the gorgeous Morrocan rugs that she sells) and Danny Fox. These people remind me of how powerful one large stand alone image can be. I follow the work of so many illustrators, but my favorites are probably Aart-jan Venema and Monika Forsberg, I’m always trying to figure how they do what they do. Who else… there’s a lot of really interesting stuff happening with ceramics that makes me want to get my hands on some clay. Benjamin Phillips is making great pots, it looks like it could be really fun to work in that style. Clay reminds me of Janie Korn, who makes really fun claymation shorts. Having access to all of these creative minds through social media sheds light on the infinite avenues that I want to explore in the future.

To order D.U.I.I, head to the COLORAMA webstore.

Dark Noise : An Interview with Chris Hammes

Half the sky, all your attention.

What We’re Doing This Weekend: 3.20-3.22

Endless Opportunities (Or Something)

MAINTENANCE #3

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