#my parents react to lgbtq the way parents react to kissing on a kids show

[mmoodd-jobutupaki]

So. Happy pride month everybody!! For pride month, here's a simple story time of my experience with the lgbtq+ culture

Introduction: My introduction to the lgbtq+ community was..not a good one. Some parents in the parents group chat of my class wanted to boycott a David Williams book for having lgbtq content. Homophobic bigots, I know (their kids are of equally poor quality as well). And that was it, first impression of the lgbtq+ community and it was terrible.

Homophobic era (is not hot): There's no way to soften this. After my first encounter with the lgbtq+ community I was homophobic. I would actively block lgbtq+ content from my for you pages. I did not ship wolfstar (and my friend has smacked me for it, multiple times). I basically hated lgbtq+ people for something they couldn't control. And being in a class surrounded by people who were also homophobic further reinforced it. Side note that this class was not a fun time. I genuinely still have trauma and grudges against this class. During my time with them my mental health was down the drain.

Allying: Eventually, things did actually get better. First off, I got allocated into a different class, away from the homophobia (yaayy). And eventually became more tolerant of lgbtq+ culture. Starting small, I stopped blocking lgbtq+ content, eventually learning to appreciate some as well. It was a slow process, more than a year, but eventually I began to accept the lgbtq+ community as people who just had different preferences, and that was fine.

Questioning: This is probably the most embarrassing part. After a while I began to question my sexuality as well. I had a friend, looking back I realize we weren't that close, that I held some slightly more than platonic feelings for. Nick Nelson said it best once: I'm having a full on gay crisis.

And yep that was me.

Yep I'm bi: After about a year (yes a year) of questioning myself, getting into an amazing girl's school I eventually figured that I was bi. As I was falling asleep one night I just thought to myself "Yep I'm bi"

Repeal: Basically, my country had this colonial law that criminalized gay sex between men that was never really upheld (cuz you don't just go around asking male identifying people if they had sex with other male identifying people). Anyway it was finally repealed in August. While it doesn't affect me, as a fem identifying person, it's a step and hopefully a sign that our government is willing to make some changes to better accommodate and represent the LGBTQ+ community at last. (Seriously, we still don't allow they/them in our media wts)

And so it goes: So it's been a year and a little more since. I only really started coming out to people this year. I've been working from the outside-in of my social circle, coming out to some close friends and allied/lgbtq+ classmates. I haven't come out to everyone yet, but I'm working on it and maybe someday I'll get there. And hopefully my country legalizes same sex marriage. Till then ig.

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: Kiss & Tell

Author: Adib Khorram

Genre: YA Fiction | Romance | Friendship | Drama | Music | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Homophobia | Racism

Overall Rating: 9.3/10

Personal Opinion: An incredibly insightful look into the pressures of being in the public eye while being queer. Too sexual, not sexual enough. Too gay, not gay enough. A great philanthropist, not doing enough. With Khorram’s unique story-telling in this novel, we get to see just how Hunter Drake gets treated by his label and perceived by the public and it is insidious. But also incredibly entertaining.

Couple Classification: Hunter Drake X Kaivan Andon = Artist/Jock X Artist

Do I Own This Book? Nope.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- Maybe I have a bias toward Khorram’s writing but I really enjoyed this book. I especially love the format of alternating things like e-mails, text chains, tabloid articles, documentary transcripts, interviews, etc. between chapters to give us more depth into show biz’s inner workings and how toxic it can be. (As well as how insidious public perception can be.) From the way they tried to control Hunter’s image to the way they manufactured his dates, it’s insidious and chaotic. Especially seeing the articles that pushed all those contradictory narratives that Hunter was too sexual, he’s not sexual enough, he’s too queer, he’s not queer enough, he’s a philanthropist, he’s not doing enough. It’s no wonder he had a meltdown on live TV after breaking up with Kaivan.

- I think that’s the other thing, any time a character blew up, I understood why. The pressure of being in the public eye can be a lot. I mean, people were telling Aidan to kill himself and they didn’t even know the full story. Hunter was aware of the power imbalance too. He didn’t want to tell the truth because he didn’t want his fans to do even more damage to Aidan than they already have.

- I love the friendship between the boys. Ashton, Owen, and Ethan in particular all had some really solid interactions with Hunter that made them feel more real. Ashton’s deeper talks with Hunter and sharing the ice with him, Owen and him just jamming together, Ethan playing pranks and also revealing the racism that he (and his Black ex-girlfriend) had to deal with. It made their friendship feel more authentic. Also Ethan is just hilarious for constantly changing the group chat name. And also saying, “Hunter Middle Name Drake.” A whole comedian.

- The relationship between Hunter and Kaivan was also really sweet. I like seeing them get to know each other during the friend phase of their whole relationship too. When they would just talk about their hometowns and eat good food without having to play things up for the cameras. Then when they actually went on dates, I thought they were even cuter together because they had some solid chemistry. Even if the way Kaivan acted toward fans mobbing them was different from the way Hunter reacted.

- I mentioned that I understood why everyone did the things they did. That includes Kaivan saying all those things about boy bands. He name-dropped Kiss & Tell specifically which is wild since they’re labelmates but the thing is, I get it. Once he explained that it had been a defense mechanism and him straight-acting, I got it. Even if others wouldn’t have taken it to such extremes, I got it and I felt for him. I’m willing to bet that it’s the same for Callum with his whole “gay people can be just like straight people” mindset. He’ll grow.

- I love Janet and Nazeer too. They were like pseudo-parents for the band and I adore that. The way Nazeer wasn’t even mad at Hunter for running away like that and was just glad he was safe was so sweet. Same for Janet telling Hunter directly that they can say no to The Label if he wants. He doesn’t have to just go along with it just because he has a contract with them. Janet and Nazeer clearly care about those kids and I love it.

- Aaron showed up briefly, as in, one chapter. But he made quite the impact as a queer elder that allows Hunter to express himself when The Label was trying to “rebrand” him as bottom-chic. 

- Masha the dragtivist also showed up briefly but damn, what a monarch. I love them and how they said all queer people are doing their part in being a revolution. Merely by existing, we are liberating ourselves and it’s true.

- This is a personal thing but Overcooked being mentioned so much was hilarious and amazing. The addiction is real and the stress of putting out fires while throwing food across rivers is too real. It’s such a fun game though and I like how all of the characters were into it.

- I am really glad Aidan said he was sorry for his actions. And that he and Hunter were able to gain some semblance of normalcy before he flew back home. They clearly work better as friends anyway. Plus, I like that he was the one who told Hunter to try again with Kaivan.

Dislikes:

- Okay, I get Hunter’s meltdown and his desire to be around queer folks, hence him going to BOIZ, the gay club. But him making out with an adult stranger (even if he is heavily intoxicated) just felt wrong to me. I don’t know, he spent so much of the book talking about how he didn’t want to be perceived a slut and he also didn’t kiss Aidan in his moment of weakness but then he does this? Mmm, it’s like the one action I don’t get. But I also saw it coming so maybe I’m just mad at him for not only having Kaivan on his mind.

- Fuck the tabloids and also the random internet folks that just drag Hunter (and Kaivan) every which way. Admittedly, Kaivan did raise some red flags for me when he seemed to really lean into the performativeness part of his relationship with Hunter. I was feeling very iffy when he kept on shrugging off Hunter’s laments about the production of their dates. Hunter does benefit from being white, yes, but to take it out on him and dismiss him at every turn just feels… minimizing. And coupled with everything he said about boy bands, it does make it seem like he thinks less of Hunter. Look at me preaching my “they should be equals” bullshit when I know the white hetero-patriarchal society is the real villain and not Kaivan. But it still bugs me regardless! Especially when he was talking down about boy bands and specifically Kiss & Tell when they’re majority POC and have an out gay member. I don’t know, I think they’re cute together but part of me also feels like they’re not a good fit together.

- Also, really gotta hate how toxic masculinity made it so Hunter never confided in his best friends before about his stress. Ashton and Owen certainly did their best to make it known they were there for him. Ugh, it bugs me that Hunter never realized easily he could’ve told The Label to back off from his life.

- I do also wish that Hunter said (to the public) that there’s nothing wrong with being sexual. But most important, Aidan should’ve retracted his statement. I know the damage would’ve been done but I do not like how people think Hunter was unfaithful when he was anything but! Like, who cares what the public thinks but also, I care. 

[itoldsunset]

semi-translating/summarizing some things p’boss said on the hardest brief podcast. putting it under the cut because it ended up being wayyy longer than expected. also, my thai knowledge is that of a little kid who left her country very young so i probably missed some words/references, sorry!

(i got lazy and skipped the last part where they talked about the props and the colors (red = oh-aew, blue = teh, purple = tarn) but i feel like enough folks on here have done the color/visual analysis so we should be good):

he had this story he wanted to tell about two childhood friends and also knew he wanted to cast pp and billkin, but to make it work they had to pull from pp and billkin’s personalities to make sure that the characters they ended up creating would mesh with who pp and billkin are as performers; in writing the script, they sometimes asked pp and billkin to talk about their experiences as teenagers and adapted it to the series, so for example the storyline where teh and oh-aew meet each other again at afterschool chinese class and start out not liking each other, comes from pp and billkin’s real life when they first met and didn’t like each other

the interviewer asked p’boss to talk about how the itsay team has balanced representation in terms of gender and sexual orientation, and p’boss said it was important to have a team that understands the human experience and can draw from life experiences from multiple perspectives, which led to diversity in gender, sexual orientation, and age

when asked whether itsay is a Y series (BL), p’boss said his intention is to tell a story about the relationship between two boys, so it depends on how you define what counts as BL, LGBTQ, etc.

the interviewer and p’boss had this conversation about what characterizes something as BL, and the interviewer said after asking around it seemed like BL is about relationships between boys but more from a fantasy lens and tends to be different from gay couples in real life, and focuses on scenes between the two male leads, scenes that make you “pinch your pillow” (op: like scenes that make you squeal), but not so much on other moments outside of that; p’boss’s response (approximate translation): “i’m not sure myself, but from what i know, BL series seem to be about relationships between boys, but from the perspectives of girls, since that tends to be the target audience. so it tends to be what makes girls happy, what entertains them, that ends up being the content of BL.”

p’boss on lgbtq series: “i think it looks deeply at the real lives of people who are lgbt, it might be more realistic. it might be like, this is a real thing, but when you tell it in a series it becomes dark, but it’s real. in terms of itsay, in the beginning i didn’t know how to classify it, but when a lot of people started calling it lgbt, i thought, okay. [...] it’s just the story i wanted to tell, and i wanted to tell it with as much humanity as possible. i don’t want to limit viewers, i want as many people to see this as possible, so we can call it whatever they want as long as they watch it and it makes them happy.”

this is his first series focusing on lgbtq characters, but in hormones he wrote goi and dao’s characters (op: i didn’t know this?!)

with itsay, p’boss said it was important to him to have slower pacing to explore the intricacies of the emotions in each scene (different types of anger, different ways of sulking, different types of happy, different types of crying), making it somewhat different from my ambulance where things had to move more quickly to keep up with the speed of a tv drama

the interviewer asked “how does having two male leads change how you work?” and p’boss said there’s nothing different in the way you build chemistry between the two characters because you would just pull from their personalities, but the difference is in the conflict of the story which involves confusion and questioning about sexual orientation which a straight couple wouldn’t go through

p’boss: “when we think about how teh is the kind of person who doesn’t say what he’s thinking, or how oh-aew is the kind of person who’s upfront, anyone can play those roles--women, men, gay people, trans people can all have these roles.”

the interviewer said “itsay seems to be expanding the scope of lgbtq narratives by presenting it as easier for the characters to come out and say they love someone of the same sex. for example, especially compared to love of siam where the kiss scene between mario and pchy was considered something shocking, or in hormones, with the relationship between march and tou (phu and thee) where the characters spent a lot of time fighting with themselves about who they were attracted to. but in itsay, oh-aew was totally straightforward in saying he liked bas. do you think that’s because it’s easier and more open today?” p’boss: “i think the content changes depending on the generations, and oh-aew is really of today’s generation. it’s not that there are no longer kids who are confused about their sexual orientation or afraid to come out, even if ten or twenty years pass there will probably still be some kids who experience that. but there are people who are open and happy about how they live their lives. oh-aew is the type of lgbtq character that’s like, ‘i’m gay, and i’m proud to be who i am.’ [...] and it’s very positive that he sees himself as equal to straight people, because when we’re born, we can love anyone. if you’re a man, you can love another man and that’s a normal thing. that’s oh-aew’s attitude: i’m lgbtq, i’m gay, i’m proud, my parents accept me, and i can tell anyone confidently who i can love. i think a lot of people in this generation already see this as something normal, and we really need to make it something that’s equal. oh-aew represents that equality.”

p’boss on teh: “teh is a character who seems to come from older societal expectations where he’s a man, and he has to love women. but there are people who do still think this way. for teh, it’s hard for him to accept that he might like boys, but when he finds out oh-aew likes boys, he’s totally fine with it and sees it as normal. i feel like society needs to progress to this point, and beyond it, because it all has to be seen as normal. a lot of people when they talk about gay people they say there has to be a top and a bottom, but in reality anything can work, love can happen however. one day i could date someone who’s a trans woman, that’s possible, because it’s about feelings. or a woman who has always loved men could one day date a woman, that’s possible too. there’s a lot of freedom, and i want the characters to show that.”

they talked about how in the scene where teh pretends to hit on oh-aew in front of all their friends, the friends are shocked not that teh is attracted to guys, but they’re shocked that teh likes someone in the friend group. and that goes to show that it’s normal for someone to like someone of the same sex, whereas 20 years ago maybe the characters would have reacted in confusion or shock.

p’boss talking about what was challenging about making this series: “in terms of writing the script, we had to think about how to tell the story in a way that shows the characters’ emotions at all times. for example in episode 2, we explored the restlessness that teh feels when he’s confused about he feels jealous or possessive of his friend. when we say it like that, it’s relatable to people who know what it’s like to feel possessive of their best friend, but how to execute that on the screen is a different matter.”

why phuket? p’boss: “when i decided to tell a story about two boys, i wanted the atmosphere to be romantic. even if the story isn’t romantic, like two boys who are best friends eating together, but i wanted the visuals to be romantic that it looks like it could be a romance film. it intrigues the viewers and adds a certain sweetness to it. i wanted a good environment, so i searched in a lot of different provinces. at first i went to ayutthaya, mae hong son, chiang mai, chiang rai, songkhla. but when i talked to the team, one person wanted to go to the mountains, another wanted to go to the cape, another wanted to go to the beach. even if there’s a beach there has to be a city. we wanted everything, and phuket has it all. old town has a city feel, but there’s also the beach and mountains, so we decided to go to down to phuket while we were writing the script, to confirm whether it would actually work. i’m from hatyai, so i’m from the south, but i rarely ever went to phuket so i wasn’t sure if it would work.”

p’boss said filming the underwater kiss was difficult because there needed to be sunlight in order to capture everything in the way they wanted, but when they got to the island, there was no sun and it was about to rain. so they looked up the color of luck/success for that day and it was purple (op: i don’t have context for this so i can’t explain further lol), so they told everyone to wear a purple shirt. the day they went to film the scene, they all wore purple shirts, but when they got to the site it looked like it was about to rain, so p’yong took off his shirt and hung it on the boat, and as they were filming, every time they said “action” the sun would come out and every time they said “cut” the sun would go away, and p’boss said it was magical and that’s how it came out to be the scene we saw.

[ebthecelebrity]

Dear Homophobic Parents....

Last Sunday, I was in the kitchen preparing a meal and anticipating Black Excellence on BET. It’s been many years since I watched a BET Awards Show. I had a nostalgic moment. I remembered watching the BET Awards with my parents and being in amazement of the live performances. I reminisced seeing the sexiness of the Black Woman’s curvy shape in beautiful attire and lusting over the masculinity of Black Men who came to either rap poetry or swoon R&B. This Sunday was no different than the other Sundays in the past. Now, as a parent, I was excited to relive those moments with my 9 year old son.

We were about two hours into the BET Awards show after eating dinner and dancing to the latest hit songs and my one and only son was talking my ears off in excitement about the music and the performers. He was amazed at Black Excellence as I was at his age. I poured another glass of Ciroc and pineapple juice when I heard the announcer say, “Next Up, Lil Nas X!” I immediately felt some type of way. It was the way that a mother bear reacted when her baby cubs were in danger. The way that a mother raised hell at the school when she felt her child was being mistreated. The way that a mother takes up for her child who was bullied for being different. The way that a mother watched over her child at a playground. I didn’t know what this feeling was, but I felt it was to protect his innocent ears and eyes.

I was no stranger to Lil Nas X and his recent transformation. His first musical hit “Old Town Road” serenaded my son’s ears two years ago and it was a bop! I even liked it. All the children around the world kept that song on repeat and helped Lil Nas X rise to fame. Since then, without my son’s knowledge, Lil Nas X’s appearance changed. I watched him announce his homosexuality, the infamous “Satanic Shoes”, and the music videos that slowly but surely got a little…..weirder. My son joyfully announced that he was ready to see Lil Nas X.

“Lil Nas X! Yes! I love his music Mom!”

I remained quiet as I didn’t know how to handle how I felt about my son seeing him perform. It wasn’t that I didn’t want my son to be educated about homosexuality, I just wasn’t prepared to discuss it. My adorable curly haired son didn’t know anything about homosexuality, honestly, I just kept him away from it.  I knew after a shocking performance that Lil Nas X probably had in store, it was time for the conversation. The BET Awards Show resumed, and Lil Nas X showed up on our TV screen, draped in gold Egyptian attire with gold eyeshadow to match. I remained silent, looking over at my son every 5 seconds to catch any facial expressions.

At first, the performance I felt was PG-13 and I continued to tune in, watching Lil Nas X’s hips sway to the music. It was still awkward silence in the living room between us.  My son was zoomed into the whole performance as this was the first time he heard the song, “Montero (Call Me By Your Name).” 3 minutes and 30 seconds into the performance, Lil Nas X was concluding his performance with a grand finale, which I knew would be shocking because let’s be real, that’s who he was. I watched him grab the back of a back up dancer’s head and engage in a deep french kiss with him. That move sent out a panic scream from my son. I looked over and witnessed him turning his eyes away and yelling, “Ewwww.” He repeatedly asked me “Why did he kiss a man? Mom, why did he do that?” At this moment, I knew that I had sheltered my child or was it that I avoided this moment? I wanted to sink into my recliner and continue sipping my ciroc and pineapple.  

Two of my best friends are gay and proud of it. I have a few other friends who are tri-sexual or maybe they are bi-sexual. Let’s just say they have dealt with the same sex and have no true preference. Either way, I never judged them or their actions. I just loved seeing them happy with whomever they loved, shit, I didn’t care if they were with a fucking dog. I am the last person to be homophobic, but watching my son feel distressed in seeing two men kiss on television triggered me. I had to ask myself why. If I were alone watching Lil Nas X’s performance, I wouldn’t have cared. It was something about watching his eyes, watching something that disturbed him.  I didn’t know if I felt upset or if I felt annoyed. It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn’t prepared.

I cut the volume down on the television, which was now on a commercial and tried to calm him down. For the past 9 years, I’ve only exposed and taught him that Mommy and Daddy love each other, that Mommy loves men, and that Men and Women deserve to be together to reproduce and make offsprings as I’ve done with him. At this point, I felt I failed as a parent who should have been exposed this to him sooner. Let’s face it, the internet would have taught him before I did. Had I really been hiding homosexuality and refraining from discussing it?  Sadly, yes, I have.

“Braylon, some people love others who are the same sex as them. Does that make sense?” I asked him.

“Two men together is disgusting!” He exclaimed.

I quickly corrected him. “No, it’s just not what you like, but it’s not disgusting. People have a preference in life, just like you do,” I said.

“I don’t like Lil Nas X anymore Mom,” He pouted.

At this point, I knew he needed time to digest this and I didn’t want to upset him anymore. I proceeded to let him know that same sex relationships are ok and if he doesn’t want to be in one that is ok too.

The rest of the night with us watching The BET Awards was a little mute and cumbersome. I knew that shocked feeling as a child so well. I felt the same way when I saw porn for the first time. I may have even been his age. I just remember feeling disgusted and curious all at the same time. It made me look at the male species differently. It made me curious on why people had sex and how it made them feel. The thin line of the mind of children can be easily influenced or easily nonjudgmental. This was why I felt a certain way about the performance. I tried to decipher which one was Braylon. Would he want to experience kissing a little boy now? Or would he not be judgemental, allowing people to freely love and live their life?

It’s been over a week now since the infamous BET Awards. I wouldn’t change a thing about our experience, but my mindset as a parent. How could I continue to go on allowing my son to see hetrosexual couples kiss on television and not feel as triggered as I did with Lil Nas X? No longer would I allow that to happen. No longer would I remain silent and conceal homosexuality around him.  He deserves to be educated. With Pride Month ending recently, that moment was a life changing eye opener to raise my kid with the knowledge of LGBTQ and the issues that also surround the lifestyle. Discrimination, mental illness, depression, suicide, anxiety, and many more is faced everyday. Wow, what a humbling moment this was for me as a parent to shift my way of thinking.

Dear Homophobic Parents, you may not be homophobic with your gay friend, neighbor, coworker, aquaintance or family member but your biases regarding your child can no longer be tolerated. I encourage you to raise your young Kings and Queens to know that homosexuality is as normal as heterosexuality. Teach them that God is love. Yes, protect your children at all costs, but to shy away from these conversations only hurts them in the long run. Don’t be silent about the realities of the world we live in. Would you still love your child if they came out to you as gay? If you answered yes, then you already have the right mindset.  To the Black Community, who continues to accept the sexual predator, but denies the gay family member, STOP THIS SHIT! To the LBGTQ Community, continue to live your truth and take PRIDE in that!

[sisterpiranha]

What to do when you nemesis gets a boyfriend and doesn't have time for your rivalry anymore? Ch. 2

Again, nobody beta this but my own conscience.

Also, I imagine Alex to look like Bobby Cannavale because he is the second person I think of when I think about middle aged Jersey dilfs. 

Summary: Johnny gets a boyfriend and Daniel's whole world is shaken.

Pairing: Johnny Lawrence/Daniel Larusso (endgame), Johnny Lawrence/omc

Rating: No sex, but there’s some explicit language, I guess.

Previous chapter

CHAPTER 2

The beach party had been Sam and Aisha's solution to the problem of their dojos' rivalry. Every few weeks the students from both dojos would meet at the beach and spend a day together. At first, it seemed like the idea had been doomed to failure. But after a few awkward meetings and a handful of heart to hearts between certain key participants, things took a turn for the better. 

Daniel looked forward to these days as well, as Johnny and he had developed their own little routine. It would start when Johnny arrived late and with a cooler full of beer. Daniel would lecture him about underage drinking and Johnny would say that the beer wasn't for his students, but himself. Then Daniel would start another lecture about getting drunk when he should be supervising students. They'd exchange insults all through lunch and, after a short nap, once the children went away to do their own thing, Johnny would finally offer Daniel a beer and they would spend the rest of the day drinking together. A few memorable times, Daniel had badgered Johnny into putting some suncream and the blonde asked him to help him get it on his back. Which Daniel complained, but did it anyway because he wouldn't want the man to get skin cancer.

And Daniel was particularly looking forward to this beach day because, in the past few days, and after some stern talks from Sam and a few mocking phonecalls with Amanda, he had decided that he might have overreacted the day of the tournament and that he owed Johnny an apology. An apology that he had planned to offer on his third beer of the afternoon when both of them were alone, relaxed and the buzz of alcohol made everything more mellow. 

His hopes, however, seemed to have been dashed when he saw a shirtless Johnny, not with a cooler in hand, but with an equally shirtless lawyer. And it was fine for Johnny, he was an athlete and a Californian native, his strong, sun-kissed chest was acceptable in the beach. But Italian, Jersey natives in their fifties should not be exposing themselves like that. He had the shame enough to wear a T-shirt, even though Johnny had teased him about it and told him numerous times to take it off.

And yes, he knew the other man was Italian and from Jersey because he spent a whole night on LinkedIn tracking down this "Alex", a.k.a. Alessandro Di Santis, 50 years old, recently moved from Jersey,  practised civil law and worked a lot with at-risk kids and won awards for his LGBTQ activism. Sure, he looked fine on paper, but that didn't mean the guy wasn't an asshole. And you couldn't blame him for being worried, Robby was his student, after all, he just had to be sure he was safe.

"John," Daniel said dryly when the two men approached him

"Larusso," Johnny said smiling. "You're not still mad, are you?"

"I was never mad."

"Whatever. This is Alex, by the way. Robby invited him, before you say anything."

The man approached Daniel with a smile and an extended hand. His handshake was firm and strong. And sure, Daniel could admit that he was handsome, but nowhere near Johnny's league in looks.  

"It's nice to meet you, Johnny talks a lot about you," he said in a strong Jersey accent.

"You don't say." 

"I might have mentioned you a few times. You know, just in passing," Johnny added quickly. Alex laughed. 

"Nothing bad, he's a sweetheart when he wants to," Alex said and he had the gall to look at Johnny dreamily and drape himself around his muscled arm. And Johnny blushed. BLUSHED of all things!

"A sweetheart? I'm not sure we are talking about the same man."

"Maybe you just bring out the worst in me, Larusso," Johnny quipped, but he wasn't looking at him, but at Alex, and was smiling in a way Daniel had never seen him smile. His stomach turned painfully.

Loud voices screamed from a few meters away. Sam had just arrived with Miguel and Aisha. Even from the car, Miguel waved excitedly in their direction.

 "Sensei! Yaya made you some bolones de verde especially for you!" he shouted.

"Yes! I love that woman! I'd be right back!" Johnny said and practically ran towards them, leaving Alex behind.

Daniel looked with a fond expression as the man hugged his students and helped to unload the food. Here on the beach, happy and free, Johnny reminded Daniel of the boy he had been. It made him feel giddy for some reason.

"Look, Daniel," a voice said, and it took Daniel a moment to realise that it was Alex talking. "I'm sorry if I'm intruding, Robby insisted I had to come, and well, I couldn't really say no."

Daniel had a very different opinion regarding that, but he kept it to himself.

"It's fine, it's not like it's a private party."

"Still, with the history Johnny and you have, it can't be easy. "

"Well, we go back 34 years..."

"Of course! And I'm not trying to get in between that."

"Ok, good to know, I guess?" Daniel said confused.

"It's just that I know how awkward this situation can be?"

"This situation?"

"You know, your ex-boyfriend showing up with a new boyfriend."

"EX-WHAT?!"

"Erm ex-boyfriend... Didn't you and Johnny used to date?"

"No! Where did you get that idea? Did Johnny said that? Because I'm completely straight!" Daniel felt himself becoming agitated.

"No, I'm sorry, I just assumed. It's just the way he talks about you... And he said there was someone in his past. So that 34-year-old rivalry is really just about karate?"

"Yes, I mean, that's oversimplifying it a bit, there were other factors..."

"Hey Alex! Come try this! It's delicious!" Johnny called.

"Sorry, I didn't mean... I guess I'll just..." Alex said pointing at Johnny, obviously uncomfortable and looking for the perfect excuse to leave. Daniel could just nod. Then he saw the man joining Johnny. They were all smiles for one another. And when Johnny fed the other man something he was eating, Daniel had to look away, his mood soured.

A few hours later, the children started to leave and Daniel was sitting alone looking at the sun as it started to go down. Johnny and Alex had disappeared soon after lunch and he didn't want to think about where the man could have gone to. Daniel had been alone to pick after the trash and wave goodbye to the students going off to do something else and to the ones whose parents came pick them up. This was their day, they had a routine, he should have been there instead of doing god knows what in god knows were with that man.

He felt someone sitting next to him and a bottle of Coors beer was handed to him. He didn't have to look to see who it was.

"I thought you've left."

"Sorry, Alex had a work emergency and I had to drive him."

"But you came back. You didn't need to, everyone has already left."

"I couldn't miss the best part of the day. The beach, a sunset, a few beers, it's perfect. Pity you are here." 

Daniel rolled his eyes but laughed. Trading insults was second nature for them, so he felt right at ease.

"I'm surprised to see your shirt back on, did you even put any suncream today?" 

"Sure, Alex helped me, he's as much as a nag as you with that shit."

"Oh," Daniel said feeling a surge of anger in his chest. The image of a shirtless Johnny having his back rubbed by Alex came to his mind. Had he done it in Johnny's apartment, right in the kitchen, before leaving for the beach?  Or maybe they did it on the bed, with the blonde laying on his stomach and he could straddle him and comfortably access his back. And maybe he would moan as he rubbed the cream and the sound would vibrate through his body. And maybe, once he finished, he would kiss each of the little moles that dusted his back and maybe even go even further down...

Daniel choked on his beer as anger morphed into arousal and he realised he was no longer imagining Alex in that situation.

"Hey, you ok, man?" Johnny said patting his back.

"Yeah, yeah, it's just this cheap beer. Can't you get anything better?" Daniel said in between coughs, trying to recover.

"Oh, I'm sorry princess, guess my shitty beer doesn't suit your refined palate. Bring your own next time."

"Maybe I will," Daniel answered, not looking at the man. The image of Johnny and him still fresh in his mind and he wasn't sure what to do with it. Maybe he had been too long under the sun and he was starting to get sunstroke.

"Your accent is thicker today," Johnny commented.

"What?" 

"You sound more like you did back in high school."

"I don't think it's any different. I've always sound from Jersey."

"I mean, it was always there, but a lot less obvious. Today it's very noticeable."

"I really can't tell the difference."

"Is it because of Alex?"

"Why would my accent had anything to do with him?" Daniel asked, indignantly.

"He's from Jersey. Maybe being around him brought it back. He has a very strong accent."

"I thought he sounded more like from Long Island."

"No, he's from Jersey. It was one of the first things I noticed."

They were quiet for a moment as they looked at the sun and sipped their beers. Daniel decided it was time to speak.

"Look, John, I wanted to say... sorry for the night of the tournament. I was way out of line. It just took me by surprise, I didn't know you were... you know. It was a shock."

Johnny just laughed.

"You know you can say the word, it's ok."

"Fine, I didn't know you were gay, bi... whatever."

"Don't worry. A few months ago, I don't think I would have reacted any better, probably, if I had been in your shoes."

"But now you are ok with it?"

"I guess," Johnny shrugged. "It took a while."

"And all because of Alex?"

"God, no. It'd started before. There was... someone else. It didn't work out, but it helped me realise a lot of things about myself. When I met Alex, I was more or less on board with things already."

"Someone else? Who?" Daniel asked curiously.

"Doesn't matter. He wasn't interested."

Wasn't interested? What kind of idiot wouldn't be interested in Johnny. He could be a little rough around the edges, but he was man enough to admit the guy was charming when he wanted to, and caring. Not to mention how he looked, all golden hair, blue eyes and cocky smile...

Daniel decided to put a stop to his thoughts right there.

"Alex told me he thought we had been together at some point," he said instead.

"Yeah, he told me. Apparently, he can't believe two people would fight for so long like that without there being some sexual tension between them. I guess other people don't just have 34-year-old karate rivalries."

"Well, here's for 34 years more," Daniel said smiling, taking a swig of his beer.

"Actually..."

"What?"

"Well, Alex told me he's moving to Philly in a few months. His work here is only temporary. He asked me to consider going with him."

"You're moving!?"

"I haven't decided yet. It could be nice. The Valley doesn't have the best memories for me. Maybe it would be good to leave it behind."

"But what about Robby and Miguel, your students, the dojo? What about uh... everything?"

"It wouldn't be right away. Robby and Miguel are going to college soon, so it's not like they are going to be here much. And they can visit, it's not that far away. And I can visit them too.  My students would go to other dojos, yours probably. And Cobra Kai would close again. So actually, this is very good news for you."

"Sure, good news." Daniel put the beer on the floor and stood up suddenly.

"Where are you going?" Johnny asked surprised. Usually, they stayed drinking until late.

"Home," he just said sharply, walking away.

"Are you... are you angry with me?" Johnny stood up too and began following him, confused. 

Daniel turned around and focus all his anger at the man in front of him.

"Of course I'm angry, Johnny! You would just frolic away with your boyfriend and leave a huge mess for me to deal with. Well, I can't take your students, I don't have the space."

"What mess? What are you talking about? If you can't take them, another dojo will, it's not a problem!"

"And what about Cobra Kai? You reopening it started this whole mess and now you're leaving? After everything we did to get it back from Kreese? After everything you put me through? I ended up divorcing my wife of 17 years for this! I only get to see my children a few times a week! And now you're saying you're going to close it just like that!?"

"Larusso, you can't blame me for your divorce, that was all you. I didn't ask you to come knocking when I first opened. You were the one that had to get involved. You can't blame all your shit on me! And you can't blame me for wanting to be happy now!"

"I thought you had changed, you know? But it turns out you're still the same selfish dick you always were! Well, you can go fuck yourself to Philadelphia for all I care." 

And with that, Daniel drove away. He knew he was leaving all his belongings behind, but one look at his review mirror, at Johnny standing there looking hurt, and he knew that he didn't care. His chest hurt and tears of anger and frustration had started to slide through his cheeks. He knew he had to get away.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #276

“all the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun.”

Favorite dried fruit? Dried fruit is fucking disgusting. Would you rather wear a dress or a suit on your wedding day? A dress. If you chose dress, will it be long or short? I prefer longer wedding dresses. If you chose suit, will you wear a bow or a tie? Hypothetically I’d wear a tie, probably. Have you ever wanted to be a police officer? No. Do you have a nut allergy? No. Do you accessories with chains? Put chains on fucking EVERYTHING and it is an improvement. How often do you cook dinner? If you’re excluding the microwave, like… never. What have you given up on recently? Nothing important; the only thing I can think of applies to a game. I was after the way-too-fucking-expensive dinosaur mount that is very soon going away in World of Warcraft, but the stress it was causing me wasn’t worth it. The time investment and how it was only a “maybe” of getting it in time Favorite condiment for fries? Ketchup. Ever had bangs? I did as a little kid. Do you know any Italian people? Well yeah, people of Italian descent are common in the U.S. I don’t know like, someone straight from Italy though. Have you ever dated someone LGBTQ+? Yeah, a demisexual. What color would you like your future bathroom to be? Uh… I don’t really care. It would depend on the house. Do you add sugar to plain cornflakes? No. Are skeletons cool? Skellyboiz are dope. Favorite Selena Gomez song? I don’t know any. Do you like coffee flavored cake? I don’t like coffee, so guess. Is that even a thing, though? Do you still watch your favorite kid shows/cartoons? I don’t watch TV. I would though, sure. Do you like going on walks? What's your favorite thing about them? How far do you normally walk? Ugh this question is gonna be embarrassing considering I went through muscle atrophy in my legs from being so sedentary. When we move (HOPEFULLY the start of October, a wrench was kinda thrown in our plans), I intend to absolutely start walking in small intervals now that we’ll be in a nice little neighborhood with a sidewalk. And a PokeStop nearby to bait me lmfao. Plus the weather will be cooler, so I intend to make a lot of progress. BUT ANYWAY I like just listening to either music or the sounds of what’s going on around me. Last time you had a hot drink? That’s a good question. Idk. Have you ever lived in a city? Was it crowded? Never like… a “real” city. Just small towns or in the middle of nowhere. Would you prefer to live in a big city or the woods? THE WOODS!!!!!!1 THE WOODS!!!!!1!!!!1111!! GIMME THAT SHIT!!!!!!11!11!!!! Have you ever climbed a mountain? No. Do you hear owls or crickets at night where you live? LOADS of crickets and toads during the summer. Ever run away from home? When I was a stupid pre-teen. I was mad at my mom and she wasn’t home, so I took Teddy and left. I had my phone though and Mom – when she got home – threatened to call the cops, so yeah, I came back. Are you scared to ride public transport alone? Why? No. Is marriage on your mind? No time soon. Did you own a dollhouse when you were younger? I didn’t, per se, but my younger sister did, and we would play together. Does the room you're in have a tiled floor? No, it’s carpet. How many pairs of earrings do you own? Not that many, not too few. Are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve never thought *looking* was a good idea, so no. I think bonds of any kind need to come naturally to avoid lack of genuineness, force, or rush. I don’t think me having an s/o is a smart idea right now anyway. Do you prefer a call or a text? Don’t call me unless you’re dying or something. Do your parents drink coffee every morning? Mom almost always does. I don’t live with Dad, so idk. Have you ever donated blood? Yes. One song that's meaningful to you? UM a LOT. Most meaningful, probably “Stairway To Heaven” by Led Zeppelin. I physically can’t listen to it. Like I refuse to. Are you addicted to anything? Technology, big oof energy. What were you last listening to in the car? Something on my iPod, idk. When was the last time you sang out loud? I don’t recall. I rarely sing. What did you have for breakfast? A microwaveable sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. Mom is currently out of state with her mother because she’s literally on her deathbed, so she STOCKED ME THE FUCK UP on groceries. The freezer is literally jam-packed, so I’m focusing on eating food from there. Did you have a nap today? Yes. I almost never, ever make it through the day without one, especially now with having nightmares every fucking time I sleep. Are you named after anyone? No. Well, not my first name, anyway. “Marie” is a middle name theme in my family, though. What kind of music do you like? Metal, rock, alternative, indie… stuff like that. What’s one hobby that you’d like to take up? Ugh, I miss a LOT of my old hobbies. I’ve lost interest in so much. I wish I drew way more than I do, which is almost never. What did you think you wanted to be when you grew up? The first job I ever wanted was a paleontologist. I was obsessed with dinosaurs. Still love ‘em. What’s the biggest project on your to-do list right now? It’d be great if I could finish designing Ashley’s cancer tattoo, but again, yeah, drawing motivation. ;_; If you weren’t in your current job, what would you want to be doing? I’m unemployed. Is the last person you kissed older than you? No. Are you happy right now? No. Haven’t been “happy” for a while now. Who makes you happiest right now? Probably my cat tbh lol. Especially being home alone for so long, he’s keeping me company. In school did/do people put a label on you? If so, what is/was it? I was considered one of the “emo” kids. Do you laugh every day? lol wow no. What is the last thing you laughed at? This Spongebob meme I saw on Facebook got me fuckin good. Have you cried today? If so, why? Nah. When was the last time someone saw you naked? Been a long time; even when I’m going in or coming out of the shower I do all I can for Mom to not see me because I hate my body a fucking lot. What is the greatest loss you've endured? My first boyfriend. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? WOW I do this like every fuckin day, fam. What was the last thing you lied about? I’m not sure. What type of a drunk are you? Never gotten to the point of drunk, but I was more talkative the closest I got. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? What a big question. I personally think you should do all you can to make a positive impact on the world – make it better than when you entered. Don’t contribute to the bad, treat people how you want to be treated… all that jazz. When was the last time you were up all night and why? I can’t remember quite why, but I remember doing that with WoW some time ago. Idr what I was doing that had my attention that long, though. That’s rare now. What is the worst thing you've done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? Part one: hand over all of my worth to someone else. Part two: show me exactly why I shouldn’t have in a very unhealthy way. What is the most personal thing you're willing to reveal? I dunno??? Can ya give me a topic?? Is there a situation or person you haven't been able to get over/forgive/what have you? I honestly doubt I’ll ever be entirely over Jason. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? Probably Mom, and idr. Doubt it. Just probably raised my voice. Where did your last injury come from? My cat, rip. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? Something along the lines of “thanks for sending me to the ER (or mental hospital?) again.” Fucking disgusting. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Without fail, always. Please wear your seatbelt. Are you scared of flying? Not really. What do you sleep in? Men’s pj pants and tank tops. Who was the last person you kissed? Sara. What are you listening to? I am fucking HOOKED on 3TEETH's cover of "Pumped Up Kicks." Do you prefer soupy noodles or noodles without the broth? Without. Have you ever missed someone but felt like they had other friends and didn't miss you as much as you did? This. Is the story of my motherfuckin life. I feel this all the time to a very deep level. Who, out of all your friends, do you hang with the most and could never get tired of him/her? Sara. Do you like the taste of white chocolate or does it taste kind of fake? Nooot a white chocolate fan. Too sweet. How would you react if you just found out your mom had an abortion before? I would be VERY surprised just given who she is and her adoration for children. Are your pets spayed/neutered? Yes. Hottest guy you know and actually talk to? I don’t regularly talk to any guy I consider “hot,” but the closest to that would be my friend Leon, whom I’ve always seen as very attractive. It is fucking UNCANNY, his resemblance to Leon Kennedy from the Resident Evil series. Like he’s dressed as him before and it is astonishing. Name sharing is a coincidence, too. What time of day do you like to shower? I don’t have a favored time anymore. I just do it when I feel like it at some point during the day, but pretty much never night anymore. I do think starting the morning with one though is great, though. When you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? Fries are almost guaranteed, but of course it depends on the type of food, too. What do you spend more money than necessary on? I don’t and never have had a stable source of income to answer this, really. What video game or computer game are you best at? Uhhh I’d probably be rusty with the Shadow of the Colossus controls by now, I’ve don’t have the maps or every puzzles memorized from the Silent Hill games, so I guess my answer’s World of Warcraft if I’m on my hunter. Not to flex but I’m a bomb-ass beast mastery hunter. Been my main in the game since I started in MoP. What do you keep your keys on? They’re in my purse on a keychain. Is your favorite color different than your favorite color to wear? Oh yeah. Do you buy books or get them from the library? Buy them. What section of the food pyramid do you neglect the most? Veggies for sure. What do you use your stovetop for most? Well, I don’t ever. Can you focus on studying if there's music on? No, I need silence. In what types of situations do you demand absolute silence? Well, see the above answer, for one. Also going to sleep. Well, maybe not, as I have a fan as kinda like white noise, but I can sleep without it. Did you do well at fitness testing in grade school? I didn’t score bad, but I wasn’t exceptional either. Do you own more shoes or less shoes than the average person? Less, I’m sure. Do you still have anything from when you were a baby? Yeah, up in the attic. I think my mom has some stuff that’s super important to her in a case somewhere. Do you use hairspray much? I never do. Are art museums interesting or boring to you? I enjoy them. What subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? Well, this is a difficult question to answer when you consider I think depending on your career focus as well as personal values and interests, this answer changes from person to person. Like for me, I could say I don’t give a shit about complex math, but advanced math courses would be valued by certain people down specific paths. But anyway, I’ll bite and say least necessary for *the most* people, in my opinion anyway. Gym. It’s very discriminatory towards people with more limited physical capabilities (and I don’t just mean literally disabled), and it’s also just very uncomfortable and/or embarrassing to some people. Like I’d fuckin cry if in my current state, I was forced to “run” a mile, because I physically couldn’t come even close. A person, a younger one especially, should never be subjected to humiliation at the hands of a class schools deem “necessary” when it absolutely is not. Okay I’m in a talkative mood and this is turning into an essay so I’mma move along now. When you were a kid, what games did you always play on the playground? I think for as long as I had recess, my go-to was ALWAYS the swings. I fucking loved swingsets. I loved playing 4 Square or whatever it was called. And then of course there was me digging tunnels in the sandboxes because I wanted to feel like a meerkat lmfao. Do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? For some reason, I still have this childlike excitement *early* into a power outage. Especially when it’s dark and we have to get out the candles, and I might play my old GameBoy or Nintendo DS, or I’ll probably just chill talking with Mom. However, that phase is pretty short nowadays, being a snake mama. My mind very quickly goes back to “Venus needs her lamp,” so as time passes, I get more anxious than annoyed. Basically, I’d rather not have one. Do you know how to use an ATM? … no lmao How about write a check? No. Are you pretty politically correct? To a degree I consider reasonable. Personally I find political correctness as having gone too far by now, but it’s certainly appropriate in some instances. What is one fashion trend you'll never understand? I… don’t really care to think much on this. Wear what makes you feel confident in yourself. There are things I think don’t look good, but they may look great to you, and it’s on your body, so guess whose opinion matters. What do you wear when you exercise? Oh yeesh. Just sweatpants and a tank top, normally. What is usually the last thing you do before you go to bed? I turn the brightness on my phone waaay down. I’m always going to wake up throughout the night and check the time, but I don’t want to be blinded.

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 1x05 Review

Homecoming was a historic ep that was a giant leap forwards for rep on Disney and an overall delightful ep. Let’s dig in!

I was blown away by Seblos this ep, I never expected Disney to go this far this soon but what great scenes we got. It was so refreshing to see Carlos and Seb acting like normal teens, just like any straight couple. They have good chemistry and Frankie played Carlos’ nerves when asking Seb to the dance perfectly and his celebration after Seb said yes. I liked when Seb mentioned that homecoming would mean dancing together in front of all the non theatre kids, a little reminder of how much of a safe space the theatre can be. Really powerful to see Carlos tell Mr. Mazzara that he thought he made a mistake asking him to dance with him publicly and to see Carlos be brave enough to go dance on his own. And then when Seb arrived we got the shot we see in every teen movie where the love interest arrives at the big dance and sees the main character and smiles, it’s amazing that we saw that with two guys on a Disney show. Also impressive that Seb apologizing to Carlos was done in just one take as Tim revealed on instagram

Tim Federle has done an amazing job so far and good for him for going right into text. He’s said in interviews that no one from Disney ever asked him to cut any scenes or shy away from certain topics, which doesn’t mean much since he’d be saying that regardless of how much he was being censored, but we can see with our own eyes that he really is telling the truth. Now I do want more development for Carlos and Seb as characters as well as Seblos as a ship and I do think we’ll get that especially since Joe Serafini has been promoted to a series regular for S2, which is a very good sign that Disney is all in with Tim Federle’s plans. What an exciting time, there will soon be two main gay characters on a Disney show played by openly gay actors on a show created by an openly gay man. Tim has spoken of how Disney + is in some ways an open frontier and that he’s willing to take big jumps and I can’t wait to see what the rest of S1 and S2 has in store for us

Things have changed a lot since the High School Musical movies came out. It’s well known that Ryan was meant to be gay even though he could never actually be gay. Lucas Grabeel has spoken of how Kenny Ortega told him that Ryan was a lot like his High School self. In an interview with EW, Tim Federle was asked about the censorship of Ryan’s character and he noted that he wasn’t there for the movies and doesn’t view what he’s now doing on HSMTMTS as making up for anything that the original movies weren’t able to do. Which is fair but regardless in some ways tonight's ep does make up for the censorship of the movies

While reading an article on HSMTMTS I came upon a link to a story from October 2008 about Ryan and how he was clearly being coded as gay that featured some revealing quotes from Gary Marsh, from an interview conducted in summer 2008:

Regarding the fact that there are boyfriend-girlfriend relationships in the HSM movies, Marsh interjected, “Yeah, but that’s not about sex,” as though having two boyfriends equals full-tilt boogie. And as to why there can be boyfriend and girlfriends but not two boyfriends, he could only note, “It’s just not something that we’ve ever had the opportunity to portray. It hasn’t been a place we’ve gone.”

If someone, like Gary Marsh, believes that lgbtq relationships are inherently sexual then that means they don’t believe they’re appropriate for children. It’s no surprise then that it wouldn’t be until 2014 that Disney Channel had two lesbian moms appear on Good Luck Charlie and it wouldn’t be until 2017 that Cyrus came out to Buffy. Clearly Gary has for whatever reasons evolved in his views or there wouldn’t have been any rep on Disney Channel in the past 11 years nor do I think that he would make a comment like that publicly today but he probably does still believe that to an extent and I’d imagine other senior Disney executives do as well

 A few things are helping Disney + push boundaries, being more of a PG than a G rated service, not being exclusively targeted towards children, and being a curated service so parents can easily avoid showing their kids shows with lgbtq rep. And perhaps most importantly, the cold hard reality that if Disney + is to become financially viable then it has to appeal to a broad audience and provide the same quality or better than people could find on Netflix or other streaming services so the kind of censorship we see on Disney Channel just can’t fly

There’s been a lot of discourse regarding Seblos and Tyrus and HSMTMTS and Andi Mack and I’ll take the time to say my piece now. It’s not entirely fair to compare the ships and shows since they’re taking place under very different circumstances. Tyrus was a heavily censored ship that was only given permission to canon when the series finale was written whereas Seblos is already canon in the 5th ep. It’s true that TJ was written in a way to subvert gay stereotypes which was important but it’s also true that for most of the audience they didn’t know that he was gay until the bench scene itself so there wasn’t that much trope subversion going on. And who knows how he would have been written if they were actually allowed to have him be openly gay before the series finale

Carlos and Seb may fall into some stereotypes but Tim Federle has spoken of how when he was in High School he would have loved to play a character like Sharpay but wouldn’t have had the confidence to do so and he wrote Seb wanting to play a female role with his own past experiences in mind. He’s also spoken about how Carlos was based off of a close friend of his and he put some of himself into Carlos as well with Carlos telling Mr. Mazzara that he was meant to be on Broadway being something Tim told one of his own teachers in High School. Frankie and Joe have talked about how they see a lot of their own experiences in Carlos and Seb as characters and in Seblos as a relationship. Tim has spoken a lot about how important authenticity is to him and while Carlos and Seb may be stereotypical to some people it shouldn’t be discounted that others can see their lived experiences in those characters

For Andi Mack it’s important to separate Cyrus’ story from the Tyrus story line. It’s unlikely HSMTMTS could have pulled off Cyrus’ coming out story line, the shows are just too different. We’re almost certainly not going to see a One in a Minyan style ep on HSMTMTS but would we have seen such an ep on Andi Mack if they didn’t need to pack all of Cyrus’ S3 story line into one ep? We also can’t forget that 3x11 was written shortly after the cancellation and it was written as a potential end to the gay story line since they didn’t know until months later if they could go with canon Tyrus or not. Even with the limits it faced Andi Mack did a great job with Cyrus’ coming out story line and I think eps like 2x01 and 2x13 and 3x11 will be fondly remembered and will stand the test of time

When it comes to Tyrus though it’s fair to say that the bench scene was a historic and important moment but also an underwhelming one. Andi Mack didn’t live up to the promise that Cyrus was no different but it was never going to be able to with Disney’s restrictions, they were willing to focus on Cyrus as a gay character but not Cyrus as an actively gay character. One thing that will make Seblos go down a lot better than Tyrus is that we aren’t going to see Carlos bearding himself like Cyrus did. It won’t age well at all that Cyrus got to go on dates with Iris and kiss her twice and refer to her as a his girlfriend and even come up with a mashup name for them but Terri probably would have done things very differently if she had known that all Cyrus would be able to do with a boy was hold hands in the series finale. We can also tell that HSMTMTS won’t be facing an increase in censorship later on since Seb will be a main in S2 whereas Disney cracked down hard after S2 for Andi Mack, probably because the story was shifting from Cyrus having a hopeless crush on a straight guy to a reciprocated crush on a gay guy

Since Seblos is textual from the start it will be much easier to write and also much easier to fix things when the writers inevitably make mistakes. I think a lot of the defensiveness coming from certain corners of the Andi Mack fandom is because deep down people know that the bench scene wasn’t enough pay off for the long dragged out Tyrus no burn we got; especially with all of the drama and angst they had. Development is important but it doesn’t take two thirds of the series to set up a silent handhold. I think it’s very unlikely that for HSMTMTS we’ll see the drastic decline in quality that Andi Mack had for most story lines after 3x11. The bench scene would have been better if we hadn’t gotten the worst writing of the series for TJ and Cyrus as characters that did a real disservice to them and to Tyrus as a ship in the eps before the finale. The Tyrus story line was never going to get a great ending with Disney’s restrictions but it is also true that Terri’s choices made things a lot worse than they had to be

 It’s insane that they introduced Kira as a homophobic character who was manipulating TJ but also was clearly into him; how do professional writers come up with that? It’s just not a mistake Tim Federle is going to make. Trying to do an external homophobia story line was an obviously bad idea but so was giving TJ an out of nowhere internalized homophobia plot in 3x13 and 3x15 before dropping it in 3x18. Cyrus’ coming out story line helped a lot of people because it showed the correct way for friends to react when someone comes out to you but for TJ they never did anything to help people dealing with internalized or external homophobia, the message was effectively ‘’deal with it on your own kids’’, which is sharp contrast with how openly his dyscalculia plot was handled. I don’t think HSMTMTS would be effectively able to deal with homophobia either but I think Tim probably realizes that and won’t attempt it

 There were a lot of little things Terri could have changed that would have helped. Don’t insert Kira into their plot. Don’t have Amber kiss Jonah or say she’s love him so at least she could have pointed to another character who never got to kiss a guy or talk about feelings. Put the Jandi bracelet scene in between the Muffy and Tyrus confession scenes so we don’t go straight from a Muffy kiss and handhold and verbal confession to the bench scene. And just write the bench scene better so it’s more in line with the Tyrus dynamic like how the Muffy and Jandi scenes did a good job capturing their own dynamics. Of course, we’re not going to see Seblos end so subtly so all these problems just won’t arise

Tyrus was important because it happened and may well be the only lgbtq rep we see for middle school characters played by actual teenagers for a very long time. But it’s also true that Andi Mack’s legacy will probably rest a lot more with Cyrus specifically, especially him saying the word gay, whereas HSMTMTS will be remembered more for normalizing lgbtq relationships with Seblos. I’m glad Tyrus happened but I’m also glad that Seblos will be a much smoother story line and will break boundaries for years to come. Anyways that’s my two cents

I really liked the Gina development this ep. Her doesn’t do cash line was interesting, hinting at financial problems? Moving 5 schools in 7 years is rough and I’d like to hear more about that. I’m glad that we got confirmation that she didn’t have an actual plan and was just winging it because her actions really did not make much sense. Tim Federle had said that love triangles will become love squares and it does make more sense to have Gina be into Ricky than EJ since there’s no real drama if she’s into EJ because Nini is totally over him. I do think Gina was being sincere in the scene with Ricky in the car (which Tim said was Big Red’s car that he lent Ricky and that Joshua and Sofia did that scene in just two takes). I also think that she needs Ricky as a friend not a lover and Ricky would not be happy if he ever found out that she was the one who initially stole Nini’s phone

Miss Jenn and Mike Bowen and Benjamin Mazzara love triangle? We do know that Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara spend Thanksgiving trapped together which is obvious set up for feelings to develop. We also got Mr. Mazzara doing a 180 and being nice to Carlos this ep which seems like a ploy to get him on the audiences good side

Loved the friendship moments we got this ep. Big Red and Kourtney are great friends. Ricky taking Big Red to his first dance was sweet and I love that Big Red showed up in a old man suit jacket that looks like it was from the 70s. Ngl I thought Ricky was wearing pajama pants for most of the ep. Glad we got a glimpse into Kourtney and Nini’s past, they’ve been friends at least since the 7th grade. I hope Kourtney stands up to the mean costume designer senior

I liked seeing Nini grappling with her self confidence after finding out that she got the lead role at summer camp because EJ poisoned the original lead. She does have the talent but that kind of revelation would leave most people shook

Glad that Ricky and his dad had a honest convo this ep. It’s just the two of them now so they need to stick by each other

Ashlyn has been an unexpected delight so far, I liked that she was the only one to go and support Carlos and she was rocking that suit

Ricky’s office stare after Gina dumped punch on EJ’s head was too funny

Born to be brave was a great song and the choreography blew me away, such a talented cast and crew they have

All of the costumes looked great this ep, kudos to the costume designers 

RIP Seb’s cow

Looking Ahead:

Miss Jenn faces her tribunal, I’m curious to see how much she faked on her resume

We get photos of Seb comforting Carlos which I think comes after he finds out that Miss Jenn is suspended. In the medley trailer there was a clip of Carlos hugging Miss Jenn at a coffee shop so maybe that’s next ep since there’s no need to meet at a coffee shop if she’s not suspended

The cast has talked about how we the audience we’ll be going back and forth on team Ricky vs team EJ all season long which at this point seems like a lie. I’m sure EJ’s redemption arc starts soon and if he’s still going to panic attacks I’d imagine that will soon be brought up but Nini is totally over him and I can’t see her being torn about her feelings for EJ in the final 5 eps of the season

With Seb being a main in S2 that will make things more difficult for the writers to juggle and I hope they are thinking about how to balance the different characters. I also wonder what the long term plan for EJ is since he’s the only senior and if S2 takes place spring semester of his senior year then what are they gonna do with him in S3?

We know that in 1x10 breaking free has EJ, Nini, and Ricky so I wonder if EJ starts off playing Troy for whatever reason before Ricky shows up. Since Ricky thinks Nini is over him I don’t think we’ll be seeing him make a move unless he gets some kind of signal from Nini

Wonder what was up with that Sharpay’s mom credit on imdb, just some random imdb troll? If so, what a coincidence that she picked what happened to be a big Seb ep

I don’t know if this will have impact on the show going forward but this marks the point that Tim Federle took over as showrunner after original showrunner Oliver Goldsmith departed. Oliver wanted to take the show in a more mature direction but Tim disagreed and Disney sided with him over Oliver

Until next week Wildcats

[flowerfan2]

Bound To Be Together - Chapter 14 (9.14)

McDanno, M, A03 A continuous story of Season 9 codas exploring the bond between Steve and Danny as they grow even closer.

Chapter 14 - 9.14

Danny’s standing in front of the open refrigerator, debating whether he has the energy to make something or if he should just eat store-bought rotisserie chicken for the third night in a row, when he hears his front door open.

He turns to see Steve bounding towards him, a big smile on his face as he looks around the house.

“Grace isn’t here,” Danny informs him.  “She’s at Rachel’s tonight, remember?”

Steve comes to a stop in front of Danny, still smiling.  “I know, you told me like three times.”  He holds up a bag.  “I brought dinner.”

Danny’s a little taken aback.  Not upset, of course, just a little thrown off by all the enthusiasm directed his way. Although of course it’s true that Steve doesn’t reserve his affection only for Grace, he definitely has been showering her with love lately.  Danny shouldn’t be jealous of his daughter – she deserves all the love in the world, no question.  Anyway, whatever else is going on, Steve is clearly eager to see Danny right now, so he needs to get with the program and enjoy it.  

“Okay, thanks.”

“Steak burritos, medium salsa, extra sour cream and guac, just like you like ‘em.”  Steve says proudly.  He grabs Danny by the arm and drags him towards the table.  “Come on, I’m starved.  It’s not as if you have any other food in the house.”

“This is all too true.” Danny detours to get them each a beer, and they settle down to eat.  “What’s the occasion?”  He almost kicks himself for asking.  Danny’s never been good at just accepting happy moments when they come along.

Steve isn’t deterred, however.  He cheekily wipes a bit of sour cream off the side of Danny’s mouth with the tip of his finger and grins.  “Don’t act so surprised.  Can’t I do something nice for my, uh, friend?”

Steve’s cheeks pink as he stutters on the last word, and Danny relaxes.  This, he can deal with.  Giving Steve shit is familiar territory, even if this topic is new to them.

 “Your friend, huh?”

 Steve pokes around in the bag the food came in, apparently very curious now about whether there are any paper napkins left in there.  “Yeah, my friend.”

 Danny sits calmly as Steve fully explores the bag, finding two plastic forks but no napkins, and then another long minute goes by as Steve realizes that Danny is still waiting for Steve to give him a better answer.

 “What, you want me to call you something else?”  Steve asks, defiance battling with a hint of shyness.

 “I dunno, what do you think you should call me?”

 Steve smirks.  “How about a pain in my ass?”

 “That can be arranged.”

 Steve’s mouth drops open, and he’s momentarily at a loss for words.  Danny grins, and turns back to his burrito.  But before he can take a bite, Steve’s in his space, pushing him back in his chair for a hard kiss.

 “You’re feisty tonight.” Danny breathes hard when Steve lets him go, one hand still holding his burrito.  “Not that I’m complaining.”

 Steve shrugs and sits back down, as if nothing had happened.  “Just felt like kissing you.”

 “Because I’m your friend.”  Danny drags the word out.  Steve looks annoyed now, though, apparently disappointed that his actions can’t actually substitute for words.  “Honestly, Steve, what are we doing?”

 Danny hadn’t meant to turn the conversation in such a serious direction, but it’s what he’s been thinking for weeks now, and at some point he’d appreciate actually knowing the answer.  He isn’t particularly proud of the fact that he got drunk and threw himself at Steve last week, and would like to assume that Steve’s response means that they’re back together, but drunken orgasms do not a relationship make.

 Steve turns in his chair to face Danny head on.  “Do you think I’m screwing around with you, Danny, is that what is it?”

 It actually hadn’t occurred to him that there could be any malice in Steve’s cluelessness.  “No, are you?”

 “No, of course not,” Steve says, affronted.  “Do we need to put a label on it?  You really want me to call you my boyfriend?”

 Danny is about to give in, to say it doesn’t matter, that labels are dumb and unnecessary and he doesn’t care, when he realizes that he does.  He does care.

 “Yeah, actually, I do.”

 Steve tilts his head, his eyes locked with Danny’s.  “Okay.” He nods.  “Okay.”

 “That’s it?”

 Steve leans close and brushes his lips across Danny’s mouth.  “Yup, boyfriend, that’s it.”  He sits back. “I didn’t know it was important to you. You should’ve said.”  All defensiveness drops from his expression, and he looks soft.  “I want us to be together, Danno.  You make me happy, and I want to make you happy.  That’s how I feel.  I know I haven’t been good about saying it, and I’m sorry.”

 Before Danny can absorb the impact of Steve’s unusual sincerity, Steve drops to one knee, a mischievous expression on his face, and Danny spares a fleeting though that maybe Steve still has the ring Harry made him use on the op in Laos.  “Danny Williams, will you be my boyfriend?”

 It’s cheesy as hell, but Danny kind of asked for it.  Steve’s words send a little tingle through his entire body.  “I will, you goof.”  Danny tugs at Steve’s shoulders and kisses him properly, letting Steve wrap his arms around his waist and hold them close.  Danny’s rather pleased at their progress.  

 As the night wears on, Steve shows no sign of heading home, and before long they’re half-asleep in front of the television, a cooking show droning on in the background.  Steve starts to rouse himself, looking at the time.

 “So what is Grace up to tonight?”  Steve is trying for casual, but his parental-like worry clearly shows through. Danny understands – ever since her accident, it’s hard to be nonchalant about his daughter’s whereabouts on a Friday night.

 “She’s home with Rachel, a few of her friends are staying over with her.  No driving, no parties.”

 “Good, good.”  Steve sits up, stretching.  “That girl, Annie, from our case this week?  Kinda reminded me of her.”

 Danny has heard all about what he missed, including the very interesting fact that Flippa’s friend Luka was a counselor for LGBTQ kids, and no one on their team had blinked an eye. More than that, Five-0 had unanimously supported Annie’s need to get away from her intolerant parents, clearly understanding that who you love can’t be “treated” out of you.  It gives him hope for how the team might react to learning about him and Steve.

 But that’s not a conversation for right now.  Danny’s pushed enough for tonight.  “She reminds you of Gracie?” he prompts.

 “Yeah.  Sure of herself.  Not afraid to stand up for what she knows is right.”  Steve turns to Danny.  “You raised a good kid, Danno.”

 “You might have had something to do with that,” Danny says.  

 Steve shrugs, a little embarrassed.  Danny knows he’s proud of how Grace looks up to him, and what an important part of her life he is.  He should be. Grace is a better person for it.

 He stifles a yawn, and glances at the clock.  It’s late. “You gonna stay over?”  Danny asks.

 “Is that a boyfriend thing?”

 Danny groans.  Steve is going to milk this as much as he can. “Sure, whatever.”

 Steve is nodding, but then he rubs his face and grimaces.  “I need to feed Eddie.  Want to come to mine instead?”

 Now, that really is a boyfriend thing, right there.  Because it’s already almost midnight, and their date, such as it was, is truly over. In fact, it might be past boyfriend stage, and well into old marrieds.  But curling up with Steve in his big comfortable bed sounds amazing.  Danny doesn’t even mind the sound of the waves anymore; it just means he’s home with Steve.

 As Danny predicted, they pass out almost as soon as they get under the covers, and he doesn’t mind a bit.

 In the morning, Steve gets out of bed with the dawn, off to do his usual imitation of an overachieving fish.  Danny rolls around in bed for a while, but can’t really fall back asleep.  He finally gives up and gets out of bed, pulling on shorts and a t-shirt.  He puts the coffee on and dozes at the table while it brews, then fills two mugs and heads outside.  Sitting down by the beach while Steve does laps has become something of a morning ritual for them.  It’s soothing.

 The sun is just starting to warm the air, and Danny is wishing he was wearing something warmer, when he realizes that Steve isn’t actually swimming.  Instead, he’s conked out in the hammock.

 Danny leaves the mugs on the lanai table and walks slowly towards Steve, not wanting to wake him. He’s got on an old sweatshirt and his swim trunks, his feet bare, and he’s curled up on his side, one hand tucked under his head.

 “Steve?”  Danny whispers, and there’s no response. Danny’s chest aches with concern. He’s noticed how tired Steve has been lately, even though Steve tries to hide it.  It shows around his eyes, and on his face.  He’s pretty sure it took Steve days to recover from that crazy free dive, although of course Steve wouldn’t tell anyone.    It’s too important to Steve to be everyone’s protector, the superhero Seal they can all count on to swoop in and come to the rescue, no matter the personal cost.

 Danny doesn’t like to think about whether it’s just a natural consequence of getting older combined with Steve’s general penchant for extreme physical activity, or something more serious (don’t think about radiation poisoning, he chants to himself). Either way, in contrast to all that exhaustion and stress, Steve looks downright peaceful there on the hammock, a gentle breeze ruffling his hair.  Danny wants to wrap his arms around him and never let go.

 So he does.  Or, more accurately, he tries.  Steve mumbles at him when Danny climbs into the hammock, and there’s a moment when Danny worries that he’s going to tip them both over, but after a minute they get their balance back and Steve shifts so Danny can curl up against his chest.

 Steve’s warmth chases the chill away, as do the sleepy kisses Steve plants all over Danny’s face. “Love you, Danno,” Steve breathes out.

 “Love you too, babe.”

 It’s a damn good start to the day.

[mentalcurls]

3.  Una festa in cui nessuno ti vuole

Here we go, my thoughts on episode 3 of season 1! Finally the whole girl squad is together and out there having fun. The topics I’ve managed to ramble about about this time are double standards, fandom, Mom friend™ Giovanni Garau and the mysterious Francesca Mirabella, as well as the results of the Bechdel test for this episode  ✌🏻

“Eva, mi guardi?” was the precursor to “Martino, guardami Martino!”

Gio really doesn’t get it. He keeps saying he’s doing things for Eva, when actually he does them to appease her so she won’t bust his balls, so he’s doing them for himself

Cerami and Bea sound exactly like all couples of middle schoolers I knew when I was in middle school myself. The shoes thing especially. It’s hilarious.

I understand Gio’s frustration with Eva, I do, cause it’s hard being the only point of reference for a person when you have a much more diverse social life. I’ve been on both sides of their situations actually. When Gio says “Couldn’t you try to make some friends?” I know his intentions are good, he’s coming from a place of wanting happiness for this girl he’s in love with, despite being frustrated with her just then; but I also understand Eva a lot, the feeling of isolation, of not knowing what to do or who to turn to because everyone just seems too distant or too busy with their lives (and of course there’s some condescension there too, cause she’s a teenager, she’s got standards, especially since she was popular before fighting with Laura), and the frustration she must feel, because it’s not just Laura ostracizing her, she made scorched earth around Eva for several degrees of acquaintances; and I’m 100% sure that deep, deep down Eva is a bit angry that she had to bear most of the brunt while Gio came out of the situation unscathed

Eva’s disdain for her classmates who like manga and k-pop wounds me deep into my fangirl heart, not because I’m specifically a fan of those things myself, but because she’s using those example to say they’re loser nerds because they have that strong passion for those things, the same passion I am, as a matter of fact, pouring over Skam Italia and Eva’s own story right now. Plus she’s basically shitting on fandoms included among those mostly made up of teen girls and LGBTQ+ people, so there’s that. Are you a fangirl of anything, Eva? Do you know what it means to fell such a pull towards something, a book, a movie, a song? Have you ever felt it? Do you know how nice, how rewarding being a part of fandom is? How fun? My wish for Eva at the end of the season, for when she decides to focus more on herself, on understanding who she is, is actually to get in one of those fandoms she seems to dislike, cause it’s a wild ride, yes, but it’s also an opportunity to learn so much about other people, places, worlds, and ultimately about yourself.

“Eva, it’s nice to be around you. Maybe you forgot, but when someone is around you, it feels nice. Trust me.” And this I think is the first real taste of that Mom friend™ Gio we’ve come to know and love in season 2, that protective, supportive, loyal person who gives good advice and just knows how to lift your spirits. This could have 100% been a conversation he had with Marti in S2, if Marti had been feeling insecure after he pushed everyone away. More importantly, this could 100% be something Gio tells Nico at any point ever in which he’s feeling low. Can you imagine that? Oh my God. Especially with the joke about smelling afterwards. (Aaand I made it about S2 rather than about Eva. Ops.)

poor Eva, she tries so hard. Too hard, in fact. If instead of that whole three-messages-and-a-sticker explanation she’d just gone “*Hey” it would have made her cringe less at herself and it would probably have prompted more of a response from Ele. I understand the panic though.

those theatre kids look just like the twins from “The Shining”! The girls is even wearing light blue like them! And they walk in sync and call Eva’s name repeatedly and ask her to come act in a play with them! OMG, LudoBesse’s mind, honestly.

Ele is so bad at fake crying, really. And the fact that theatre guy, a person who’s supposed to know something about acting/pretending, falls for it kills me.

Evanora for the win, honestly, look how cute they are together. I mean, Ele definitely looks pretty smitten here, immediately noticing Eva from afar, making her smile and reassuring her in a roundabout way about her fumble on Facebook a few days before

poor Gio, the Anglo-Spanish War is kind of a bitch, though to be fair the only things about it history professors usually care about are who was ruling those countries and the Invincible Armada; the Thirty Years’ War is much more interesting (defenestration of Prague, anyone?)

how cute is Silvia??? BRB going to throw myself into a volcano

Gio and Marti doing the parent thing over Eva like Gio and Elia will do in S2 over Marti himself

then Martino catches Federica’s eye and we have the infamous spoon scene; Fede sort-of-pretends-to-fellate the spoon and Marti looks away, embarrassed and uneasy. I love how Skam (both the og and Italia) have taken the trope of the guy ogling the girl from afar (or not so afar) and her feeling uncomfortable under the attention, and have reversed the gender of who’s looking and who’s looked at.

What I don’t like is how it’s framed, in the shots and in the discussion between the characters, like it’s creepier than most of the stuff boys do to girls during the series (I’m thinking especially of guys at parties in general and of the Villa boys). The vehemence Martino uses to express his discomfort over Federica sexualizing him and making her interest evident is basically the same with which the girls react to finding the tally on the wall behind the boys’ bathrooms. This would kind of be fine, despite the fact that the two things are imo on different levels of disgusting, if it was discussed somehow that boys doing disturbing stuff are considered normal, just hormonal teensagers, but when girls do a fraction of the same thing they’re demonized, considered really weird and too horny. There’s no discussion of the double standard and that’s what bothers me.

Something else that would have been interesting to explore, maybe not with Marti, but later with possibly Chicco Rodi, since we see Fede talk to him at a party and even kiss him (if I remember correctly) is the follow-up from that trope: the guy usually goes up to the girl and makes a comment and she turns him away, but oftentimes after he insists a while she concedes and she ends up dancing/going out/going home with him. Which is a shitty thing that happens in a lot of media. It’s actually kind of what happens with Edoardo and Eleonora later. And it would have been super interesting to see Fede doing the ogling thing (which would have never been as rude, graphic and uncomfortable as guys can get, anyways), being turned down, then actually getting her way, and what kind of reactions she’d have from the guy and from the girl squad.

Martino is such an asshole! Silvia obviously extends her invitation to him and Gio out of politeness because they’re friends with the girl who helped her in a bad situation, she doesn’t know them and she was not obligated to invite them along. And while Gio manages to keep an appearance of politeness, Martino straight up mocks Silvia who’s been nothing but nice and enthusiastic towards Eva. That, in my book, is even worse than the two boys being their unsupportive selves yet again and telling Eva to get new friends, then not helping her make some. And that’s such a boys thing, honestly, to spot a problem and tell others to solve it but not help along!

and Silvia is so nice, she’s so good at driving the conversation along, keeping track of the social cues: she feels Eva doesn’t agree with the guys, so she extends her invitation again, then elbows Fede for some support, but she just makes things awkward so Silvia has to smooth things out, then she invites Eva again and is finally able to make plans, but she still has to diffuse the situation when she sees the boys are uncomfortable with Fede’s suggestive actions. So much emotional labour for just one conversation. Thankfully Eva helps her along a bit, cause no-one else does.

by the way, I totally understand and share Federica’s kind of humor and I love her

Marti’s face at Fede’s joke about psychotropic drugs though. Completely blank, just for a second.

I think it’s telling, though, that Federica is one with the weird actions and the weird humor nobody gets, because she’s the fat girl, so she gets pigeonholed as the comic-relief character: she does whatever comes to her mind, she doesn’t seem to pick up on social cues and she’s there mostly to make the other characters laugh or to make them look more refined, more clever or to say how cool they are; sure, she’s a good friend who stands up for Sana and Eva when it’s called for but her character could be way rounder

oh, guys. Marti and Gio’s reaction as soon as Silvia and Fede are out of earshot, it makes my heart bleed. The mocking, the casual fat shaming, the way Martino looks absolutely disgusted about that girl showing an interest in him

Ele acting aloof and dismissive of Silvia is not my favorite thing, I mean, I get not liking a person from the get go, but for God’s sake, come up with an excuse or something, there’s no need to be so blunt when she’s just inviting you to a party

you can actually subtly see Ele kind of relax when Fede arrives, she’s obviously much more her speed

and of course we have Sana, scathing Sana, picking up on Silvia’s racism straight away and calling her the fuck out but diffusing the situation with humor anyways

Silvia is looking for cool girls to make her own group since she’s been more or less kicked out of Laura’s; Silvia probably used to be the popular girls in her class, but Laura has taken that role from her, first integrating with Sara in Silvia’s friend group, then “overthrowing” her, despite only being in her class a few months, given that the transfer from Succursale, when Laura, Eva and Gio’s class was separated into groups that were merged with pre-existing classes, happened the previous September

(btw, Eva, Gio, Marti and Elia are in 4B, Ele in in 4A, so Silvia, Fede, Laura and Sara are in another class; Sana is probably in yet another class; and Luca could be either in the same class as Ele, as Silvia and Fede, as Sana or in another completely different class)

Eva hasn’t picked up on Silvia’s desperate desire to be one of the cool people yet, and Eleonora hasn’t explained it to her either? Pffft

OMG Silvia has an older sister???? I completely missed that the first time around! Hi Francesca Mirabella! You seem to be older and popular since you get into Villa guys’ parties, so you explain so much about Silvia

Ele has been at Kennedy high only for a month, so she might not know yet who the most popular people are yet, I can get behind that; but Eva? After 7 months? Not having the perception of the internal hierarchy of her school? Girl, please.

Eleonora dubs Edoardo “faccia da cazzo” and “capelli di merda” right away 👏👏👏

on the other hand, Sana seems to know the social hierarchy of both the school and her year very well, probably because she absolutely needs to in order to avoid at least some of the discrimination

Sana clearly has plenty of ideas about how to be popular, but she’s much better at preaching than at doing; Silvia wants to be liked by everyone, probably because of some complex she has about being in her sister’s shadow, but her solution is to be at the same time judgemental and a pushover; Sana’s brutal honesty and “advice” is meant more to hurt than to help Silvia become a better, more genuinely likable person; Sana’s probably lashing out because she was hurt by Silvia’s behaviour towards her

Federica is so clearly the comic relief in this scene, not one of her lines pushes the conversation along plus she acts like she’s completely oblivious to the tension between Silvia and Sana

yas for Eleonora who has the common sense to actually look for an alternative solution since they’re obviously not going to Martucci’s party, I like a practical girl

even at the club, Sana shows diffidence until the girls (probably Ele with some help from Fede) pull her in, drag her away from the bar so she can take selfies and dance with them; is she uncomfortable? Is she just trying to act cool? Is it a defense mechanism? Is she trying to keep away so people won’t look weirdly at the girls because they associate with the “terrorist”, is she afraid someone will say or do something?

seeing the girls dancing and having fun like gives me such a nostalgic feeling for those few (because I’m a really self-conscious motherfucker) parties in high school in which I was really able to have fun with my friends

Bechdel test: the episodes passes the test, with flying colors I might add, since there’s the conversation between Eva and Eleonora in the corridor after the theatre guys leave; Silvia thanking Eva and inviting her to the party; the whole scene with the girl squad in the courtyard, both when it’s just Ele and Eva, when Silvia arrives, when all five girls are present and when Sana leaves; finally, the first part of the conversation at the Baretto, when they’re talking about the party, then Edoardo is mentioned and it stops passing the test.

This post is part of my complete series of meta about Skam Italia season 1.  If you’d like to read more of my thoughts about the other episodes, you can find the mastepost linked in the top bar on my blog under SKAMIT: EVA. Cheers!

[truthbeetoldmedia]

Brooklyn Nine-Nine 6x11 “The Therapist” Review

Since Season 1, Jake’s refusal to go to therapy (and even outright dismissal of the validity of therapy), despite the obvious lingering issues he has from being abandoned by his father as a kid, has been a recurring theme. In “The Therapist”, all of this finally comes to a head, as Jake comes to terms with why he’s been so resistant to receiving help for some of his past trauma.

For the most part, this episode handles the topic of mental health well; both Terry and Charles talk about how they regularly go to therapy, and Terry is astounded that Jake has never sought out a therapist after everything he’s been through. (To recap: Terry brings up how Jake was shot by Amy, held at gunpoint and forced to write his own suicide note by his ex-girlfriend’s ex-boss, sent to prison for a crime he didn’t commit, and joined and gang and tried meth while at said prison. And that’s not even mentioning the time Jake spent in the mafia, or in witpro in Florida, or all the other traumatic stuff he’s exposed to just by being a cop.)

And although the episode does talk mental health — something EP Dan Goor promised they would do if the right opportunity presented itself — it’s not even the primary focus; the episode’s main plot revolves around a potential murder, after a therapist, Dr. William Tate calls in to say one of his patients, Susan Buckley has gone missing, and he’s worried her husband killed her after he received a worrying call from him.

Susan’s husband, James, mentioned doing something horrible to his wife in a park so that’s where Jake and Charles head, with Dr. Tate in tow. Jake’s hostility towards therapists is on display right from the start, as he compares the doctor to Hannibal and reacts angrily towards Dr. Tate’s mild questions. To Jake’s relief, Charles finds a body in the bushes, putting his conversation with the therapist on hold.

Now that they’ve found the victim, it’s time to track down her suspected killer. The search takes them to the couple’s apartment, which is unlocked, empty, and devoid of anything suspicious except for strange contemporary artwork featuring Jesus. Jake becomes suspicious of Dr. Tate when he’s able to immediately point out the location of a bathroom in an apartment he’s supposedly never been in before (in New York, the location of the bathroom is never obvious) but Charles just thinks Jake is letting his bias towards therapists get in the way of his detective instincts.

(Personally, I was fully on Jake’s side; I was suspicious of Dr. Tate ever since Jake mentioned that the only DNA found at the scene of the crime was of the three of them who discovered the body.)

After promising Charles he won’t go behind his back and break into the therapist’s office Jake...does exactly that. His misconduct (did he even stop to get a warrant?) pays off when he finds a notebook hidden in a filing cabinet filled with information about the dead woman and her currently missing husband.

Dr. Tate returns to the office as Jake is trying to sneak out and he finds himself taking refuge in a different therapist’s office to avoid being seen. Once there, he ends up pretending to be a man with multiple personality disorder (or dissociative identity disorder, as it’s more properly known) while he waits for Dr. Tate to leave.

This was the only part of the episode I felt weird about; while I feel like this bit was a chance to showcase Andy Samberg’s notoriously bad skill at accents, it came across as...disrespectful towards an actual mental illness, when this show usually has such nuance navigating around these topics. Since I don’t know much about dissociative identity disorder I’ll leave it at that but I feel like it could have been handled better.

Jake finally makes it back to his car, where he’s surprised by Dr. Tate, who’s been hiding in his backseat with a gun. The therapist admits to not only killing Susan but her husband as well, along with another couple several years back; in order to stall him, Jake ends up opening up about his problems with therapy: he’d gone to family counselling with his parents when he was a kid because he was acting up in class, but the sessions only brought attention to his parents’ problems, which eventually led to their divorce.

Jake blaming himself for his dad leaving makes a ton of sense not just in the context of this episode but in the context of the entire series, making it one of those well-earned reveals that’s less of a surprise to the audience than it is to Jake himself. I’m glad he had a breakthrough, and if he does choose to go forward with therapy sessions in the future I hope that’s something the show continues to address.

Before Dr. Tate can kill Jake, Charles shows up — Jake had managed to text him his location without looking at his phone. Kind of. (Actually he texted Amy a string of random characters, who forwarded the message onto Charles, who used “find my phone” to figure out Jake’s location.) So Jake got a free therapy session from a murderer who they have now successfully apprehended, win-win!

Back at the precinct, Captain Holt finds out the rest of the squad has already met Jocelyn, Rosa’s girlfriend — albeit unintentionally — and invites Rosa to bring her to dinner with him and Kevin on the weekend.

Can we talk for a moment about how far the relationship between these two has come? Going all the way back to Season 2 when Kevin wanted to have Rosa and her then-boyfriend, Marcus, over for dinner and Holt and Rosa conspired to stop their lives from becoming too entangled. Since then, the two have become a lot closer: Holt was one of the first people Rosa allowed herself to become vulnerable with when she went to him for advice during her breakup with Marcus; he convinced Rosa of her place within the Nine-Nine family when she tried to run away to Argentina; and he provides her with support, love, and understanding as the only other (out) LGBTQ+ cop in the precinct.

Rosa turns down Captain Holt’s request to have her and Jocelyn over for dinner, but not because she’s worried such an event will bring them uncomfortably close, as she was in Season 2. Now it’s because they are close, and her captain’s opinion matters so much that she’s afraid he won’t like her new girlfriend.

Rosa’s so worried about this that she goes to lengths to introduce Captain Holt to an actress she hired to play Jocelyn, so that she can gauge his reaction; when Holt realizes what’s going on, he’s understandably upset. While he thinks the reason Rosa won’t introduce him to Jocelyn is because she’s not as close to him as she is to the rest of the squad, it’s the opposite that’s actually true.

Captain Holt — and the audience — get a chance to meet Jocelyn for real, when she appears in the precinct break room and introduces herself to Holt through a bad joke that instantly endeared me to her. I don’t know if Jocelyn is Rosa’s forever-girl, but I hope she sticks around for a while.

Footnotes:

Two episodes in a row now that Charles has mentioned doing couples activities with his dad. I realize his dad is going through a breakup, but what happened to Genevieve?! I miss her.

“It’s just that sometimes you can be...judgemental.” “What a stupid thing to say.” Never change, Captain Holt.

Holt’s conversation with Kevin about rice is adorable, when can Marc Evan Jackson guest star on the show again?

“Mentally ill people are much more likely to be the victims than the perpetrators” was a really nice line for them to just throw in there.

Charles’ tendency to be unconsciously sexual is one of my favourite things about him, please don’t take that away.

It was nice to get confirmation that Scully and Cindy Shatz are still going strong.

The brief kiss between Rosa and Jocelyn was the first kiss between a same-sex couple on this show (still waiting on Holt and Kevin); not only that, but it was a kiss between two LGBTQ+ characters portrayed by two LGBTQ+ actresses, which I think is pretty cool.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine airs Thursdays at 9/8c on NBC.

Sam’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝🐝

[belovedyuuri]

God Save Yuuri Katsuki (2/?) (ao3)

“Wait, wait, wait,” Phichit says with his face still in his hands. He's just stopped laughing at Yuuri’s misery, cheeks red with exhilaration. ‘A friend’, he calls himself. “Tell me again.”

Yuuri doesn't even try to look for any warm feelings he's ever had towards the other man; there are none left. Phichit Chulanont is officially not his friend anymore. How long does it take to evict a roommate, again?

“Maybe you'd like to record it?” Yuuri asks dryly, busying himself with their dishes. “This way you can listen to it forever.”

Phichit makes a move like he wants to reach for his phone (Yuuri wonders if all roommates are so rude; maybe he should note on his next ad about an available (Phichit’s ex-) room that rudeness toward him is strongly prohibited) but stops in the last moment.

“I'm sorry, Yuuri.” He doesn't look too sorry. “You have to admit, though. If a babysitter for your kid tried to fight you out of your apartment with a toilet brush, you would be laughing too.”

“Toilet brush and an air freshener,” Yuuri mumbles, like it makes it any better.

Phichit bursts into a fit of giggles again and because Yuuri is such a good friend, he only swats him with the kitchen towel when the dishes are done.

“I hate you,” he mutters on his way to his room.

“No, you don't!”

For her part, Mila tries very hard to stifle her laughter when she sees him at the entrance to the LGBTQ+ meeting. Yuuri doesn't even need to ask; it takes one glance at her to guess that she already knows.

At least she doesn't mock him.

“How was your first day of work?” she asks innocently, biting her lower lip.

Ah. Teasing. What a lovely change.

Sara Crispino looks at him with curiosity in her eyes. “Oh?” She smiles. “You got a new job?”

Bless her pure heart, at least she knows nothing about his shame.

“He babysits the son of my cousin,” Mila answers for him.

“I babysat the son of her cousin.”

Both girls tilt their heads at him. It's scary how in tune with each other they are, they spend so much time together even outside of the club they started together in uni.

“Why the past tense?”

“You're not going back?”

“Was Yuri really that scary?”

Yuuri glares at Mila. Even though she hasn't told Sara anything about what happened, she is sure trying hard to make the girl ask all the right questions.

“I plead the fifth,” he mumbles and moves to go past them.

“We're not in the court,” Mila sing-songs and tries to block the way with her arm but Yuuri is faster and slides into the classroom anyway. “I won't let you go off so easy! I'll catch you later, Yuuri!”

He pretends not to hear.

“You thought somebody broke into the house?” Sara asks two hours later when all three of them are sitting in the café Phichit works at, eyes wide. Her right hand nearly covers her mouth. “You must have been so scared!”

Yuuri has never wanted to hug somebody more in his life. He gives Mila a pointed look. This is how a friend should react.

“Thank you,” he tells Sara who only nods in reply.

“I've been there, I understand.”

It's Mila’s turn to gape. “Somebody broke into your apartment?”

Sara tilts her head in confusion before her eyes clear with understanding. “Oh! No, no! But when I was a kid, Emil broke into my and Mickey’s room. You know we live so close to each other, he simply climbed from his window to ours on the tree between our houses.” She smiles in soft embarrassment. “Apparently, he was bored and wanted to play a game that Mickey borrowed from him. Well, I woke up, the light was off, so I didn't know it was him. I threw all my toys at him before my parents found us like that.”

Mila coos and pulls her sweetheart into a one-armed hug, then presses a kiss to the top of her head. “You were a kid, though,” she defends. He curls a lock of Sara’s hair around her finger. “Yuuri here is an adult.”

“Are you talking about the skin magazine Yuuri bought for the kid?” Phichit joins in out of the blue, still wearing his apron as he falls onto the only empty chair at the table.

Both girls stare at him in shock. “He did what?”

P h i c h i t!

“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” Yuuri asks through gritted teeth.

Phichit carefully looks around the table. “Lunch break?” he says slowly, surely realising what he’s just done.

Mila gawks at Yuuri, like she's seeing him for the first time. “You bought a five-year-old a porno?”

“N-no, it wasn't like that!”

“A five-year-old, Yuuri!”

“The kid wreaked havoc at the store,” Phichit defends him. Defends him, for a change. “What was he supposed to do?”

“Get him a toy. Or a candy bar,” Mila supplies, looking at them both ridiculously. “Literally anything else!”

Sara is openly laughing next to her, drawing attention from several other patrons to their table.

Yuuri tries his best to curl in on himself and disappear. The closest thing he manages to do is to hide his face in his crossed arms, resting on the table. “He found it and grabbed it and wouldn't let go of it, and wouldn't stop screaming unless I bought it,” he mumbles to the table. “He thought his father was in it and wanted me to buy it.”

Phichit pats his back in sympathy.

“Vitya? In such a magazine?” Mila asks, doubtfully.

Yuuri shakes his head. “It was just a lookalike with the same first name on the cover.”

For a moment all he can hear is just the usual chatter of the café, none of his friends talking. For some reason, his head feels heavy. When he looks up, all three pairs of eyes are glued to him, amused.

“You looked inside?” Mila asks, a teasing note back in her voice.

Yuuri only groans and lets his head fall back onto his arms.

It’s settled. From today on, he officially has no friends.

The phone rings just when he’s about to fall asleep that night. Yuuri sighs and looks at the screen, only to frown at the hidden number. Private. For a moment, he considers not answering – it is late, after all, and he doesn’t know anybody whose number isn’t already saved in his phone.

Unless...

His eyes widen in surprise at the idea of who exactly could be calling him and, not even fully aware of what he’s doing, he accepts the call.

Shit. Now what? He can’t cancel it now without looking like a jerk. Not saying anything isn’t very nice of him, either.

“Hello?” comes from the phone after the longest three seconds of his life. Yuuri immediately puts the phone against his ear.

“Hello.”

“Is this Yuuri Katsuki’s number?”

Yuuri recognises that voice, no matter how few words it uttered to him the last time he heard it.

He could safely say that the call is a mistake and forget about the babysitting fiasco once and for all. He can’t help but wonder, though...

“Uhm—I guess,” he stutters and promptly winces at how silly that sounds. ‘I guess?’ He quickly adds, “I mean, yes, it’s me.”

“Oh, good! This is Viktor Nikiforov speaking, we met yesterday.”

How could I forget?

“Oh... Right.”

“You never showed up today,” Mr Nikiforov says. “I had to find somebody else to take care of Yuri while I was at work. It was very unexpected and very last minute. Has anything happened?”

‘Has anything happened?’

Yuuri frowns at the words and looks at his phone to check if he’s not imagining the call after all, but no, it’s real. The seconds are ticking away. The private number hidden from his eyes truly belongs to Viktor Nikiforov who is asking if something has caused him to miss a day at work.

“Yuuri?”

The sound of his name pulls Yuuri back to the present and he quickly presses the phone back to his ear.

“Um, yeah, about that,” he croaks, “I thought—I thought I wasn’t supposed to come back?”

There’s silence on the other end of the call. One second, two...

“Was that a question?” Mr Nikiforov asks, sounding confused. “Why did you think you weren’t supposed to come back?”

Yuuri frowns. Isn’t it obvious? “Are you serious?” He shakes his head, incredulously. “I took you for a burglar! I—I nearly sprayed air freshener into your eyes!”

The voice chuckles quietly.

Here we go again.

“You were protecting Yuri and the apartment. That was quite a brave thing to do. Besides, I hadn’t got to introduce myself yet; as far as you knew, I could have been a burglar.”

But he didn’t lock the damn door...

“Yes, but—”

“I haven’t even paid you for babysitting Yuri yet,” Mr Nikiforov adds then. “You left so suddenly.”

Yuuri winces again. “I’m really sorry for that. I was just—very...”

Embarrassed? Ashamed?

“I see,” Mr Nikiforov’s voice is soft again, like he’s smiling, like he knows exactly what Yuuri wants to say. For a second, Yuuri feels a little bit better. “I suppose I shouldn’t mention the magazine I found in the bathroom, then?”

Any relief and warmth that have found their way into Yuuri’s heart are gone in a blink. He’s never thought his blood could turn so cold in a matter of mere seconds.

The magazine. Oh God.

He left the magazine in the—and he never even—he never even closed it.

Yuuri sits up straight on the bed, fingers clutching to his phone. “Mr Nikiforov!” he calls, petrified. “I promise I—I—It’s not what you think—!”

The man laughs, and even though he does it quietly, the sound of it drums in Yuuri’s red ears. “Don’t worry about it,” he says, catching some breath. “Yuri told me the magazine was his when he saw it—“

Yuuri chokes out an embarrassed sound and hides his face in his free hand. Where’s the death he requested yesterday?

“—and he said he still wanted to ‘see me in it’. I put two and two together.”

What two and two? There’s no math in this situation that could even begin to explain Yuuri’s actions.

Mr Nikiforov continues, though. “You know, you aren’t the first babysitter he tried to scare off.”

That sentence grabs Yuuri’s attention. What Yuri did throughout his first day taking care of him was all... on purpose?

“He wanted me out,” Yuuri speaks slowly with a frown, “so he made me buy him the magazine?”

“Well, I believe he really thought it was me on the cover. But yes, it sounds like him, to tease and try to manipulate his babysitters.”

“But—The magazine was—And you’re alright with that?”

“Of course I’m not alright with that,” Mr Nikiforov sounds more strict now. “I talked to him about it and I fully expect you won’t buy such things again when you’re babysitting my son.”

Yuuri wants to say that he won’t buy such things at all, ever, he promises, but he only nods his head. And then he remembers Yuri’s father can’t actually see him, so he hums in agreement. And then...

“Wait...” He rubs at his eyes. “Mr Nikiforov, does that mean I’m not fired?”

There’s a sigh in his ear. “My name’s Viktor, you can call me that. And yes. Both me and Yuri are expecting you tomorrow. Is that alright?”

Is it? Yuuri clenches his eyes. He made a complete fool out of himself yesterday, he ran out of the apartment like it was on fire. And all the suspicious looks he got when he was grocery shopping with Yuri, and when they got out of the store, too...

But then he remembers how... easy it was when the dirty magazine was hidden in his backpack, forgotten, when he and Yuri were sitting at one of the tables in the ice cream parlour and the five-year-old was stuffing his face full of chocolate mush and whipped cream. Yuri behaved like a little angel when eating ice cream or watching the opening of The Lion King, ready for his nap.

Maybe he will act more like that when he sees Yuuri is back for day two—never mind there was a hiccup—and understands that he isn’t that easy to scare off?

(Never mind that he is. The kid definitely doesn’t need to know that, though.)

“Same time and place?” Yuuri asks finally, letting out an inaudible sigh as he rubs at his eyes again.

“Yes, if that’s alright? Yuri has a private dancing class right before you come to our apartment. His instructor will be waiting for you to take over.”

Yuuri nods to himself. Private dance classes. Of course.

“I’ll be there,” he promises.

As soon as the call is off, Yuuri plugs the phone to charge and falls back on his bed, hands covering his face.

He’ll show the little Yuri that he’s not a pushover and he’ll prove the boy’s father that he isn’t a pervert. It’s not important that the man doesn’t seem to think that. Yuuri thinks Mr Nikiforov might be secretly thinking that, and that’s all that matters.

He nods to himself and rolls onto his side, arm hugging the pillow, ready to sleep.

...why the hell did he agree to go back?

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: True Letters From a Fictional Life

Author: Kenneth Logan

Genre: YA Fiction | Romance | Friendship | Drama | Mystery | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Homophobia | Racism

Overall Rating: 8.4/10

Personal Opinion: James Liddel has lived his whole life pretending to be something that he’s not. Straight. Because that’s what everyone around him expects him to be. So in order to cope, he writes letters to people in real life talking about the truth but never sends them out. But maybe he should. Maybe the truth would set him free. In this easy-paced novel, you’ll find yourself hoping everything works out for James as his fictional life and his real life collide.

Do I Own This Book? No.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- Okay, I have to talk about the ending. James has lived his whole life trying to imitate what everyone expects of him, a straight boy. Even when he’s not dating Theresa, his mom keeps a photo of them on the fridge, a permanent reminder to her son of the future that she wants for him even though in reality, he’s gay. He’s gay and he’s scared because lots of people talk shit about Aaron, the openly gay kid. His best friends used homophobic slurs, his older brother fakes a lisp, his dad says kids don’t know their sexualities, and his mom pitied Aaron’s parents because they have a gay son. It’s really no wonder why he’s terrified of not blending in. Of not being what everyone wants him to be. But in the end, though his mother is still processing that her son is not who she thought he was, she put a Polaroid of James with his boyfriend on the fridge instead and it means so much. The fact that the final chapter was a talk with the younger brother about being queer and why it’s not a thing to be ashamed or afraid of is so important too.

- I really enjoy the humor. It’s clearly a defense mechanism for James, to deflect by making jokes when someone asks him an uncomfortable question. He has had a lot of time acting as he said. But I like how easily his friends fall into that banter too. It flows so naturally and I see why he gets along so well with Derek and Hawken. 

- Hawken is also such a cool kid. He’s so chill about finding out that James had a crush on him and he’s secure enough in his own sexuality to try glitter makeup and kiss James on the lips. He’s a good guy and I like that he was there for James during the letter fiasco. He also gave a lot of good advice when it came to coming out. Clearly, he’s got a good relationship with his gay brother.

- Derek is a good friend too. I can see why his faith made it difficult for him to understand queer people. I do think he should’ve been a tad more understanding as a minority but I guess from his POV, he’s a guy who has had to face adversity but he overcame it by blending in and being nice to others. At least, to those that he believes deserve it. But the thing that really makes him a good friend is that he decked Mark without hesitation when Mark said “which one of you is the man.” And he also found James after James ran away from home and was there for him when he felt alone.

- Luke is such a good older brother too. He made jokes but he obviously loves James and cares for him. When he gave his brother a hug in the middle of the trail and let him know his sexuality didn’t matter to him, I loved him. And the fact that he invited a bunch of people over to show James that he had a good support group was just so nice of him. He wasn’t at all skeeved by Topher kissing his brother and he even called Hawken cute. Also, during the final chapter, when they were talking with Rex, the way Luke kept dying with laughter really had me losing it. Especially when Rex assumed James’s boyfriend was Hawken just like Luke did. Also apparently, Rex kissed a boy? I’m glad James and Luke reacted very subtly in that instance.

- Kim is such a good friend too and it’s wild to me that she was the second person James ever came out to. Not to mention, the only person he intentionally came out to. She took it rather well considering Theresa was her best friend. She didn’t out James and she wanted him to feel comfortable around her. She also talked to him about Topher which I bet made him feel normal, being able to talk about his relationship with someone else. I hope she and Derek really get together.

- James has such a distinct and intelligent voice in this story. Even in his writing too. The letters were such a great plot device and I had no idea that Abraham Lincoln used to do that to vent about cabinet members before talking to them. It’s wild because it’s almost a therapy technique. But I do like that James soon decided to give some of those letters to people toward the end. He learned more about communication and how the truth can set you free. Breyer, his English teacher, probably helped a lot with that too.

- James and Topher have a really cute relationship. I don’t think it’s going to last but I like how much James likes Topher. They’re good for now. For his very first gay relationship, they’re good.

Dislikes:

- Honestly, in the first 60% of this book, it felt like I was just reading about a ton of microaggressions stacked on top of one another rather than a story. I mean, we have a random cashier being racist to Derek, we have Derek calling Aaron a fairy, we have Aaron calling Hawken a “retard,” and casual f-slurs and homos being tossed around too. It is fucking wild and it bothered me so much that this was taking place in 2016 in liberal Vermont. Granted, I know the rural areas are a bit more conservative and Kenneth Logan was probably writing more from his experience as a youth but damn, this was a lot to deal with. I am glad though, that when James was officially out of the closet, he had more support than jeers. And I like his friendship with Aaron too.

- Theresa, yo, what the fuck. She really stole his letters and sent them out without permission! I do think Aaron should’ve gotten that letter because he deserved an apology, no matter what form it came in. And it was a good thing Hawken already knew everything before he got his letter. Man, a lot of people shipped them together. I get Theresa wasn’t out to ruin his life but what she did was still completely unwarranted. And it was never her right to do that. I get she was hurting from the revelation that James wasn’t attracted to her but damn.

- Mark is worse than her though. I get that he has his own baggage to deal with (absent mother and an abusive father) but wow, he’s a disgusting bigot. My biggest quandary though is how he and Hawken were best friends before. I mean, Hawken is super chill and open-minded and Mark is literally calling track and cross-country runners “faggots” and not real athletes. And Hawken really thought this was the dude who was cool with gay people since he knew about Hawken’s brother. He clearly misjudged Mark and I am glad that he dumped Mark as soon as he revealed his true colors. Mark doesn’t deserve any kindness from Hawken.

- Also James broke into a house and literally didn’t face any consequences? Hell, Mark barely got consequences for almost killing Aaron. That was fucked up too. And bruh, Aaron getting so relentlessly bullied in the cafeteria was just brutal and wrong. Stupid ass baseball team and their toxic ass masculinity. But yeah, James just broke into a house and let a cat run out? That made me feel a lot less sympathy for him.

- James? Not the most rootable main character. He did lead on Theresa. I’m not saying I don’t get it but the fact that he was dating Topher for real while also indulging her with dates and some kisses was wrong. Not to mention, his own internalized homophobia stung. The way he talked down about femme gays is gross. But you know, I sorta but not really get it? It was because he had felt threatened by Aaron’s confidence to be himself. 

- Also fuck James’s dad for saying Aaron was targeted for being femme. Shut the fuck up. Let men be however they fucking want to be. But also, thank you for being more accepting of your son than his mother. Granted, it’s the bare minimum but still. The bar is low.

- I feel like I didn’t address all the casual microaggressions enough, it was gross. Such a diverse cast of characters and yet not a single one of them was without at least one microaggression. Except, I think, Kim and Topher? But in the case of Topher, some things he did raised some red flags for me as to how he’ll be as a boyfriend. But he did get better over time for me and he was so patient with James. I just wish he texted back quicker because it gave me anxiety every time it was pointed out that he didn’t respond to James. But I think that’s just a sign that James was more into Topher than Topher was into him. Who knows, maybe he’ll fall in love or maybe they’ll break up and move on to someone new.

[sawthingsiimagined]

#XD30 ELEVEN | DOUBLE TROUBLE

[ You Know Who - Jada]

It was the morning after our show in Washington D.C. It was another sold out show and an even better performance. I was at a restaurant downtown with my best friend and stylist, Adrienne, having breakfast when my phone rang. It was my mother. My mother and I had a different relationship than most mothers and daughters. We never talked about boys, make up or anything that I believed most girls talked about with their mothers. I relied on my older cousins and my grandmother to school me on guys. My mother called me and I picked up the phone wondering what this random call could possibly be about. She was more of a texter.

“Hey Mama.”, I said answering the phone.

“Baby where are you?”, she said with unusual concern in her voice.

“I’m with Adrienne downtown. What’s the matter?”, I asked.

“There was a shooting near one of the schools in D.C. It’s all over the news. I couldn’t reach Jace so I started to worry. Is security with you?”, she continued rambling until I cut her off.

“Hey mama, we are fine but to make you feel better we will go back to our hotel until we get word that things are safe for us to be out and about. And yes security is with me. Jace is at the barbershop.”, I assured her and then hang up the phone.

I proceeded to finish my breakfast and paid for our food. I called Mona to check on things back at the hotel. She was aware of the shooting but stated that the school was 11 miles away from our hotel room. Adrienne and I decide to stop by the outlet mall a few exits away from our hotel before returning to our rooms. I needed new gym shoes. We have to maintain our bodies on the road and it’s very challenging with all of the food and parties we are privy to on tour.

When we arrived at the outlet it was extremely packed. Mostly with teenagers walking around with friends. I wasn’t aware if this was unusual or not for this city but I knew where I was from the shopping centers had an older or a more family oriented demographic. We picked up some make up and accessories that we hadn’t seen back home. We then continued on to decide which gym shoes I should purchase. I opted for a hot pink pair of Puma runners. I had decided that morning that I would discipline myself to wake up everyday and run at least 2 miles before I did anything FLAME related. Running helped clear my mind and also helped me push through the day with ease. I ran track in high school so I knew it would be a good thing for me. We decided we should go back to the hotel after I purchased my shoes and before my mother called to check in with Mona and finding out that we hadn’t arrived.

We have a dinner to attend later with a foundation Mona is very fond of called EMBRACE. It’s a foundation that targets LGBTQ youth who have been kicked out or abandoned by their families. I was excited to meet the youth and the committee of the foundation. I wasn’t very familiar with many stories such as these. There were kids a part of this foundation that were as young as 8 and old as 18. Growing up in church people were either on the ‘down-low’ or weekly praying for deliverance but it was never a topic of discussion at our many church meetings unless it was in condemning way. I know my parents probably wouldn’t agree with this event so Mona didn’t it include it on our tour schedule. This was also going to be a semiformal event. Adrienne had picked an amazing piece for me to wear to the event and I couldn’t wait to strut my stuff.

As we were nearing the exit of the mall to meet our driver, we noticed a long line of girls that ranged from the ages of 15-24 in their appearance. A few guys, mostly black, were scattered throughout the line and were dressed in street attire. They were all holding CDs and posters but I couldn’t make out who they were standing in line to meet. We got closer to the front of the line and noticed they were waiting on the doors to open at a store called URBAN CAPSULE. It was a store that basically sole trendy apparel of Hip Hop culture. We stood around for a few minutes trying to peer through the crowd to see inside of the window of the store when all of a sudden I hear someone scream “FLAME”. A young girl runs towards me screaming and others begin to gather. I smile and they all started snapping pictures. It startled me but luckily Paul was a few feet away to manage the crowd. Now I see another reason as to why we have security. I took a few pictures with some of the fans and then the door opened. A tall light skinned guy wearing a vintage baseball jersey and fitted cap came out. He said he was the store owner and saw us through the window. He asked us to come inside. I almost declined because I wasn’t sure if he was trying to help us get out of the commotion or fuss at us for causing one. Paul pushed us inside. I could tell he was completely over the crowd. I’m sure the driver was waiting on us but when we walked in I came in direct eye contact with Q standing there looking as good as he did on tv. My heart started racing. I hadn’t spoken to him or seen him since I let him eat me out, like he was at a free Chinese buffet, at the afterparty.

He was having an intense conversation but when we locked eyes he stopped talking and smiled. He then walked up to me and pulled me in his arms. I could hear screams from the people crowded around the door outside and looking through the window. He quickly let me go and grabbed me by the hand pulling me into the store’s stock room.

“Hold the door.”, he told one of the guys a part of his crew. I’m sure Adrienne and Paul were baffled. I didn’t talk about Q much to anyone. I had yet to even discuss my interaction with him, in depth, with Jace. Once inside of the stock room he hugged me again.

“What’s up mama?”, he asked while hugging me as if he didn’t want to let me go. I could smell his cologne and I must admit I missed that fragrance.

“Nothing much. My friend and I stopped by the outlet to do a little shopping before I prepare for an event tonight.” I answered. “What are you guys up to?.”

“We’re having our cd signing out here today. Things got a little heated at the college we were supposed to do it at so we decided to come here instead.”, he said.

We looked at each other for a moment and without thinking I leaned in to kiss him. His lips were so smooth. I pulled his tongue in my mouth. It tasted like peppermint and Hennessy. I was immediately turned on. Just the mere sight of him excited me which had me confused. I wasn’t sure if I was reacting as a privileged fan or if I had began to catch actual feelings. This guy was what most black girls’ dreamed of. He was attractive, well groomed, fashionable and hood. He had an authentic street flare that made a good girl want to be bad.

I had on a nude lace bra, a white mesh tank and white stretch, skinny jeans with a pair of stilettos I found at all mall in Miami. I was looking extremely “Love and Hip Hop” but feeling like Rihanna and I had been turning heads all morning. Luckily I take pride in my appearance. It would be rare for Q or anyone to catch me looking thrown together at anytime. He took one of his hands and unbuttoned my pants. I almost stopped him but I was as turned on as he was, if not more. Hopefully he wouldn’t have me sprawled out on top of one of these boxes in this stock room. He reached inside of my matching lace thong and began to search for my center. Still kissing me when he found the entrance to my glory I gasped. That turned him on because he then pushed me back against one of the boxes and kissed me even deeper. He used two of his long fingers to massage my clitoris and I lost all thought of time and location. I felt myself getting wet but the only thing that mattered was him. I admit that haven’t had many sexual encounters with many different men but he was by far the best and I hadn’t even had the dick yet. It’s as if he was turned on by the idea of turning me on. It’s almost as if I had cast a spell on him. I broke away from his kisses. I felt myself about to orgasm but I stopped him just in time. That not how I wanted my first orgasm to be if I were to have one with him.

“Q…..stop.”, I said in his ear before taking his earlobe and sucking it for a few seconds. I could taste the metal of his ear ring.

He stopped and looked me in the eye. “You have a job to do and I have to go.”, I said with a smile.

“You’re right. Keep a nigga on task Ma. That shit is sexy as fuck.”, he said before planting kisses on my neck. “Can I see you later?”

“Q, I told you to text me. So when you text me we can work out all of the details about when we can see each other.,” I said and then I kissed him on his forehead.

“Bet.”, he said. “Call your girl and tell her that y'all should walk out of the back of the store. I saw some people snapping pictures when I hugged you. I’m sorry for not thinking. I was just glad to see you.”, he said licking his lips.

“And it was definitely good to see you and a surprise. Now go sign those girl’s CDs.”, I said.

I called Adrienne. The store manager escorted us out of the store, along with Paul, and the driver met us in the shipping area of the outlet mall.

When we got in the car Adrienne went off. She rarely curses but she let me have it.

“Bitch! What the fuck was that shit?”, she said not caring if the driver heard her. “Since when have you become the First Lady of Fake Gangster Rapper Records? Look at this suit”, she said with much attitude and shoving her phone into my hand. There was already a post on the Shaderoom’s Instagram of us hugging thanks to one of the fans posting a picture of us online. You could barely make out whether it was a friendly or intimate hug but the gossip blog was sure to caption the post with 'Looks like Q has a new FLAME.“

I giggled. "First of all I’m nobody’s lady. Second there is nothing fake about him. We are just cordial acquaintances trying to get to know each other without people making up rumors.”, I said rolling my eyes and then looking out of the window.

“You just be careful. We have a long road ahead and it’s too soon be getting derailed by any nigga, especially these industry niggas. I’ve heard too many stories and I..”, she tried to continue before I cut her off.

“Bestie, I got you. I know you’re looking out for me but this is all new and I’m learning as I go. I can’t take anyone else’s experiences on as my own. He’s a really nice guy. It was just a coincidence that we ran into each other and he was happy to see me. That’s all.” I said.

“I know girl. It just scares me. I don’t want you to get hurt and I don’t want to lose you. I’m sure he’s nice but I just catch an unfamiliar vibe about him and I want you to be careful. Can you promise me you’ll be careful?”, she asked.

“Yes Adrienne I’ll be careful.”, I said after I let out a loud sigh and rolled my eyes again.

“Thank you.”, she said grabbing my hand and holding it the rest of the ride back to the hotel.

Later that evening I was staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I felt so beautiful. It was the first time in a while that I was dressed up for a nice event. Also the first time I was making an appearance for FLAME in this type of attire.

Adrienne picked a gorgeous white body suit that resembled a pant suit. It was low cut at the top so she supplied me with extra padding to push my b-cup sized breast up. It was lined with gems along the top cut of the suit and along the lining where it cut off at my shoulders. My favorite part was that it had a cape that gently touched the floor. It was a good thing because my ass was sure bulging in this body suit and I knew it would be eating this it by the end of the night. Glad I was covered so the kids wouldn’t have to look at all of that. The cape was also white. My stilettos and accessories were all silver and my hair was pulled up into a classy bun with gems to finish off the look. My face was flawless. I had on light make up with a glittery glazed finish. I looked like a star. I was definitely wearing the FLAME brand well because I was on fire. I couldn’t wait to see Jace because he too was wearing something that complimented my outfit.

I stood in the mirror for at least 20 minutes having thoughts of how I’d introduce myself, what we should sing if we put on the spot to sing and thoughts about my future husband Q. I really hoped that he would call me soon. I also thought about what the comments under the Shaderoom’s post said about me.

My thoughts we interrupted when I heard a knock at my door. I was in my room alone so I answered it knowing security was at the door. I opened it and Ernest was standing there holding flowers. I hadn’t seen him since the night of the pool party. He still looked sexy with his hair pulled back into a slick ponytail. I almost forgot all about Q until he informed that some flowers had been delivered to me. He passed me the flowers and the card said 'just because you taste good’ and signed 'you know who’. I took the flowers and put them on the dresser in my room. I opened the door again and asked Ernest to come in.

I’m not going to lie. The thought of him wearing me out on this bed did cross my mind but I didn’t feel like taking off this body suit and having to paint it back on.

“I hope I didn’t cause your job to get harder. I hope there is no friction between us.”, I said.

“What do you mean Ms. Jade?”, he asked with no smile and confusion in his voice.

“The other ni…”, I began before he cut me off.

“I’m here to do whatever you ask me to. And If it gets hard I’ll be sure to let you know.” He said with a polite smile shutting me all the way up.

“I appreciate that.”, I said and he turned and walked away leaving me standing there.

Well damn. Ok.

[discovery-lies-in-new-eyes]

1-30, 31-60, 61-92

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Yes!2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Nopety Nope3. Have you taken someones virginity? Yes4. Is trust a big issue for you? Typically, but I will trust someone until they give me a reason to think otherwise. 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Noooo :( I miss my girlfriend!6. What are you excited for? Seeing my girlfriend on her birthday and going apartment shopping!7. What happened tonight? I had a study/hw skype date with my girlfriend!8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? Not really, but it’s not appealing either. 9. Is confidence cute? It is for sure until it gets overbearing and then it has the opposite effect. 10. What is the last beverage you had? Tea11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? One. 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?  I own four pairs13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Hopefully skype my girlfriend14. What are you going to spend money on next? Probably gas. 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? I am!!!!!!!!16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? I think humans are ever changing beings so to answer the question, yes, I do believe I will change in the next 3 months. 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? My girlfriend 18. The last time you felt broken? I’m not positive of the date, but recently.19. Have you had sex today? I have not.20. Are you starting to realize anything? That my mom sometimes makes me feel like I’m not beautiful the way that I am...that I’m not good enough and nothing I do will ever be good enough. 21. Are you in a good mood? I am!22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? Hellz yasssss23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yes. 24. What do you want right this second? To crawl into my girlfriend’s bed, and cuddle her so hard lol25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I would be heart broken...I’m not really sure how I would react or what I would say. I would probably run off to have space for while and calm down before listening to what happened. It would be different depending on the circumstance of them kissing the other person or the other person kissing them. 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? It is!27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Probably not. 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? My girlfriend29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? desperately30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? I like to think so, yes. 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Boy? what boy? I’m hella gay. I spoke to my brother last soooo no I do not hate my brother. 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Absolutely! I show her and tell her every day to the best of my ability. 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? pshhhhhh. I drink soda. 34. Listening to? My girlfriend35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? All of the time36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? She’s in AL37. Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe that you can meet someone’s gaze and fall just the smallest bit, but I feel as though it’s more of a feeling of infatuation and curiosity rather than love at first sight. I do believe that people fall at different rates, though. Some in a short amount of time and others in a longer period of time.38. Who did you last call? My girlfriend. 39. Who was the last person you danced with? My girlfriend40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I’m absolutely and completely IN love with her!41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Around August 1st42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Always44. Do you tan in the nude? I do not.45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Definitely not!46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? I did!47. Who was the last person to call you? My girlfriend48. Do you sing in the shower? I dooo... not well but I do!49. Do you dance in the car? All of the time...I get strange looks 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? I have. I own a recurve bow. 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? For work about a year or so ago52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? I used to dislike musicals, but over the years I’ve found a soft spot for many. My lovely girlfriend has definitely broadened my horizons. 53. Is Christmas stressful? ALWAYS54. Ever eat a pierogi? wtf is that? 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? None56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A doctor, firefighter, vet, medical examiner, geologist, and florist. 57. Do you believe in ghosts? I do. 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Every so often. 59. Take a vitamin daily? Not recently60. Wear slippers? Nope61. Wear a bath robe? Nope62. What do you wear to bed? A big shirt 63. First concert? Stereoside64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Walmart, Target, and wtf. Not k-mart65. Nike or Adidas? Adidas66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheeto PUFFS...has to be Puffs67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Sunflower seeds68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Not the new one....69. Ever take dance lessons? never70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Pursing a business....say a totes awesome LGBTQ safe zone coffee shop doubling with a humane society to help animals get adopted.71. Can you curl your tongue? i can72. Ever won a spelling bee? only in the classroom setting73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? I have... I do pretty often actually.. thanks baby lol74. What is your favorite book? I do not have one...there are way too many good ones...75. Do you study better with or without music? Either or is fine.76. Regularly burn incense? I like to but I dont typically on the reg77. Ever been in love? Absolutely78. Who would you like to see in concert? I prevail79. What was the last concert you saw? Skillet but I didn’t really pay attention.. the last one I paid attention to was Crown the empire/Memphis May Fire80. Hot tea or cold tea? Hot! but cold is also gold81. Tea or coffee? Coffee82. Favorite type of cookie? Double fudge chocolate chip 83. Can you swim well? I can.84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? I can85. Are you patient? I try to be as patient as I can be. Most people tell me I’m incredibly patient86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Both! 87. Ever won a contest? I have!88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nope89. Which are better black or green olives? Black90. Opinions on sex before marriage? You do you91. Best room for a fireplace? Livingroom!92. Do you want to get married? I do!