#my phone is in spanish?? i dont understand???

[polyglottishthings]

For some reason every time I click a link to a TikTok on here (want to give the creators views on their original platform) it loads the entire page in Arabic except for the username????

[doveyeellie]

quackity:((❤

[guinevereslancelot]

i never spoke or understood a target language better than when i was unemployed and just spent hours bingeing tv in that language

[aroace-cat-lady]

I'm like. So lucky to have the friends I have. Y'all just. Don't get it. My friends are. So. So. So. Fucking awesome.

[luvrxbunny]

I need something borderline illegal. Like dark and twisted. Like I want to question my moral compass but read on.

Am I asking for dad’s best friend!Joel? pshhhhhh. Am I asking for bratty! reader?? Pshhhhhh. Am I asking for anything???

Am I asking for smutty smut?! Yes I am.

Ofc if you are uncomfortable with any of these don’t hesitate to ignore this and also no pressure ily ❤️

a/n: reader isn't bratty, im sorry! i forgot :((

sleep

pairing: dbf!Joel Miller x f!virgin!reader

summary: Joel can’t stay away from you any longer.  

warnings: 18+ MDNI, alcohol, voyeurism/somnophilia + dub-con, dry humping, cum in pants

wc: 4.0k

a/n: i hope this is dark enough!! the only reason the ask is a ss instead of the actual thing is cus i formatted the whole story then realized i forgot to put it in the reply to the ask (loosely proofread)

It’s 2 am and Joel can’t stop thinking about you. How you’re sleeping soundly in his room, in his bed, in his shirt as pajamas because you had “forgotten to pack some”, something you both knew was a lie. He knows you’re toying with him, you started a bit before, but since you’ve turned 18? It's just been on rapid fire. 

He pulls out his phone and scrolls through your text thread, scoffing at every other conversation. It was so apparent, in every text, how badly you want him. 

Mon, Aug 16 at 4:41 AM

bbg: big man! text me when u wake up i have a joke

You: Why are you awake at this time?

bbg: wtf why are YOU awake 🤨 

You: I have trouble sleeping, you know that.

bbg: aww poor joey 😢

You: Are you going to answer my question, darling?

bbg: im doing skincare and stuff

You: You have to wake up this early for that stuff?

bbg: can’t put a price on feeling bonita 

You: Why are you speaking Spanish now?

bbg: nevermind lmao

bbg: so have u tried meditation

You: What?

bbg: for your sleeping troubles

You: I’m not that kind of guy.

bbg: what about getting off

You: Excuse me? 

bbg: like masturbation n stuff

You: I know what you’re saying.

You: I don’t understand why you’re talking about this with me.

bbg: we haven’t even talked about it 😭 

bbg: obviously we can end the convo if ur uncomfy but its a very good way to fall asleep

He remembers needing a pause after he read that text for the first time. It had only been four months since your birthday and you were already drastically different. Joel never expected it, he always thought your feelings had already reached their limit but it turns out you were holding back because you weren’t of age. Now that you are… He doesn’t know what he’s going to do. His morals may not be strong enough for the thought of  “ his best friend's daughter” to hold him back. He’s already rationalized himself out of the “daughter's best friend” thought. You’re not even going to school together anymore. Sarah lives on campus so you guys never see each other and you barely ever text. 

You: I have not.

bbg: what? literally how? 

bbg: you should

bbg: it totally works

You: That’s good to know. 

You: Get back to your skincare, honey. I’ll message you later. 

Mon, Aug 16 at 5:03 AM

bbg: joel? 

Mon, Aug 16 at 5:37 AM

bbg: are you masturbating? 

You: Sweetheart. You can’t ask me things like that. It’s not right.

bbg: u didnt answer! i got curious

You: Still.

bbg: i dont see the problem we’re both adults 🫢

You: Barely.

bbg: dont be mean

You: Do you need something

You: I said I’d text you later

bbg: wow no punctuation?

You: Busy

bbg: getting off? 

He remembers staring at your text, unbelieving that you’d send him something like that, so forward, so dirty. He remembers the thought that you were joking. Obviously, you don’t expect him to say yes, that’s why you asked in the first place. Maybe his perverted mind was interpreting your behavior as flirting but you’re just being yourself around him. All these thoughts were swirling in his head but the feeling of his hand flying over his cock, pretending it’s yours, that you're in his ear whispering to him... That thought was stronger, that feeling was stronger. 

You: Yes.

bbg: good. have fun, joey

He gets up for his fourth beer, hoping to drown the impure thoughts, starring you, that plague his mind. It’d be so easy to have you, you’ve been throwing yourself at him since you turned 17. He’s been ignoring it, adamantly. It wasn’t right, despite the age difference, the fact that you’re his daughter’s best friend and his best friend’s daughter. On top of that, you only just turned 18. 

You’ve been staying at Joel’s for a month. He takes the guest room because you say that his bed is better. You haven’t gone home because your dad is still working on your birthday present/room renovations and he doesn't want you to see it until it’s done. He offered up Joel’s house to keep you, knowing his best friend wouldn't mind, unknowing that his best friend was corrupt for his daughter. 

Joel was trying to ignore the way his body was heating up, still scrolling through the texts. He remembers that conversation perfectly. He remembers the adrenaline that was coursing through him as he confessed. He remembers how hard he came at your response. When thinking about this conversation he also remembers the guilt, it’s the most vivid emotion he remembers, usually. But the alcohol seems to be drowning that part out, and Joel scrolls on. 

He finds a patch of texts that he actively avoids, usually. It’s picture after picture of you in the most adorable outfits in the most suggestive positions. There are plenty of you lying on your back, some with your head turned to show off your perfectly curved, unmarked, un-bitten, neck. There are a few where you’re sitting down with the camera angled up, giving Joel too many situations his head can come up with. Then there’s the worst one, his favorite- he doesn’t even know how you took this one. You’re sitting on your knees, hands rested on your thighs and you’re looking up at the camera with a shy smile. 

There are two things about this photo that really fuck him up. 

First, your smile, the way it lets him know that you’re trying to fuck him up, you know what you’re doing with this pose, this positioning, you’re even embarrassed by it, a little nervous about it but you still felt the need to take the photo, for him. 

Second, the height, and the way the camera is positioned shows him that these photos were specifically crafted for him because the height the camera is at is exactly how he’d see you if you were on your knees like that for him. 

You made sure that he noticed because the very next day, you needed him to tie a bow in your hair and instead of waiting for him to get off the couch you placed yourself on the ground, between his legs, in this pose. He had to hide his erection until you left and then fight the urge to get himself off in your room for the rest of the night. 

He glances at his room door, you’re sleeping so soundly in there.

She wouldn’t even notice if someone went in there right now. She definitely wouldn’t notice me… Hell, as if she’d mind either way… I mean- Would she?

The alcohol clouds his thoughts, gives him bad ideas, and then convinces him that they’re good- this one being one of them. He grabs his almost-finished beer and heads to the fridge to grab a fifth one, knowing he’ll be in there for a while. 

He does this sometimes, you look so peaceful when you sleep… it’s the only time he can admire you without putting all his relationships at risk. He reaches the door and turns the knob slowly to avoid creaking. He enters the room, his socks padding his footsteps, and the darkness gives him no shadow. He moves one of your tops off of his desk chair and turns it to face your sleeping figure while placing his beers down. You’re already bringing a smile to his face. You’ve got your face shoved into one of his pillows, your arm tucked under it, and your leg is pulled up to your waist, sticking out from under his tan comforter. You’re wearing one of his hoodies for sleepwear—

Fuck.

and it doesn’t look like you have anything on your bottom half. It’s a little cold in his room so little goosebumps have bloomed over your exposed skin. He takes a swig of beer, finishing his fourth as he examines you. Your face twitches for a moment, your eyebrows furrow, and your nose twitches like a rabbit before calming back down. He opens the other beer and fills his mouth with it, hoping that the alcohol stops the fluttering in his stomach while he drinks it down. 

You shiver a bit but your leg doesn’t move, the goosebumps just become more prominent. His hand is reaching out for you before he can think, rubbing your calf gently to soothe and warm you up a bit. You let out a relieved sigh at his contact and your leg presses further into his warmth. He has to take a deep breath as his mind runs wild, convincing him that this is some sort of sign, that even in you’re sleep you’re trying to be closer to him, that he should just give in. 

No, she’s your best friend's daughter. Sure she’s her own person now, legally an adult, an’ can make decisions for herself… an’ yeah she’s not owned or controlled by anyone and just cause I’m friends with her father ain’t a fair reason to completely rule her out from being a potential partner… Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad… maybe it’s actually more fucked up for me to avoid her just cause of who birthed her. That’s totally not fair to her! I mean I know I wouldn't want anyone judging me based on who my parents are y’know? Maybe I should put myself in her shoes. 

His breathing speeds up as he breaks through his last piece of resistance. Now he’s just trying to figure out how soon he can have you. 

I’ll have to court her first, flirt with her a bit before asking her out to dinner, then maybe she’ll accept my offer to be my girlfriend by the third date… From there maybe she’ll have sex with me for the three-month anniversary… she might be a bit more timid than that but we’re looking at a four- five-month plan… That can work- I can definitely work with that.

You whine and stretch your body, your legs straighten and your arms spread out, you turn and rest one arm on top of your head before you lift your leg, bending it above your waist but with the other one this time. The new position leaves the blanket covering nothing but one of your inner thighs and to add insult to injury your raised arms lift his hoodie, revealing a beautiful sliver of your stomach. 

Or I could have her now.

The thought is too powerful to stop, his opportunity is too perfect, Ellie is out with whatever girl she’s currently entertaining, and Sarah doesn’t live here anymore. Your father would never be awake at this time and Joel is hard, wanting, and so so ready for you. He’s crawling into bed beside you after downing half his beer for the nerves. 

He shouldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t. 

He settles next to you and your leg presses into him again, searching for him and his warmth. You slowly turn to him as he stares at you, watching how sluggish your movements are in your sleep. You snuggle into the pillow in front of him and take a long inhale of its scent, a little smile resting on your lips while you breathe out. Your face is inches from his, and his hand is down his pants in an instant. 

The relief is heavenly, he’s been throbbing for you since he read those texts. He can’t help the way he reacts to you. He can smell your toothpaste on your breath as you gently snore in front of him. He wraps his warm hand around his cock and his soft lips part into an ‘O’. His eyes roll back for a second but he immediately focuses them back on you. He’s tugging at himself violently, not even thinking about savoring this moment, just needing to cum for you. He’s trying to hold in his sounds but you look so pretty, just seeing your face while he’s touching himself makes everything better, somehow you’ve turned his sensitivity as high as it can go.

Little whines and whimpers slip into your dream state. You’re confused by the sound, the rustling that coming from—? In front of you? Your brows furrow as you try to open your eyes. “Fuck” You hear someone say. It sounds like… 

You open your eyes just in time to see Joel yank his hand out of his sweatpants and scramble as far as he can get from you before falling off the bed. You’re still confused as you take his form in. His shirt has ridden up a bit, exposing the salt and pepper hairs on his tummy. His hair is sticking all over the place, he stinks of beer, and his eyes are wide, focused on you. “Joey?”

Despite the horrid situation he’s in, his cock is still leaking for you, pulsing at the nickname. He can’t answer, he has to bite back a moan as he feels himself leak into the fabric of his pants. “Joel? What—” Your eyes flutter, almost falling shut but you shake yourself out of it and— Fuck.

You move closer to him. 

You’re too snuggly when you’re sleeping, too cute, and too dumb. You’re not even questioning why your father’s best friend was in bed with you while you were sleeping. You don't want to risk him leaving and you don’t mind in the first place, you actually thought you were dreaming at first. Your heart almost stopped when your fingers actually latched onto his shirt after reaching out for him. He’s stiff as a board, deterring your touch so you pull your hands into your chest and bury your face in his. 

Joel is almost shaking in exertion as you press your soft little body against his. It’s just your upper half, leaning into him and finding wam solace in his chest. He can handle this, he thinks. He can calm down, and be with you like this. He’s supposed to court you first anyway, he can’t believe himself. Was he really going to just get off with you in the same bed? What kind of pervert would even try something like that?

You hike your leg up over his waist, half asleep, not realizing your motions. 

All his perverted feelings return with a vengeance. 

You wiggle around a bit, trying to get comfortable but his cock twitches, flicking into your soft lips for a moment. At first, you really didn’t know what it was, all you knew was that the sensation felt good. So of course you chased it. Your hips grind into his cock arrhythmically, trying to find that same angle again, not realizing that you’re basically fucking him through your clothes. His hands have to come to your hips, gripping painfully for your eyes to snap open and your hips to freeze. 

Your eyes widen further when you finally process the situation, and even in all your teasing and sensuality, at the end of the day, you’re still just a virgin. You never had any real intention of acting on your desires, especially if Joel wasn’t the one initiating. 

Oh fuck. What did I do? What do I do? He’s just staring at me… Maybe he didn’t notice, I didn’t! But it felt so good. Will he let me? Maybe if I—

Your hips tilt into his before you can process whether this is actually a good idea or not. His hand tense over yours, like another shock of clarity through your bones. You shut your eyes tight, not wanting to see the disgust or uncomfortable pity in his face. “I’m so sorry, Joel. I didn’t… I-”

You try not to let tears well in your eyes as you whimper and pull back from him. But he doesn’t let you. His arms tense, his muscles flexing as he keeps your body pressed against his. You open your eyes, a bit shocked at his refusal to let you go but still too scared to meet his eyes. Your gaze is on his stomach, the way his gray shirt rode up, exposing the way his belly keeps tensing with every breath. “I-” He manages to get out before letting out a shuddering sigh. You finally look at him. 

His eyebrows are pulled taut in between his eyes, his gaze is something you’ve never seen before, and he almost looks angry. It’s desperate, but sorrowful, with the added haze from his intoxication. He keeps biting at his bottom lip, worrying it red as he tries to form a sentence for you. His hands tense over your hips again but this time they tilt you into him again. His face is a hard grimace as he slowly presses you into his raging bulge. You watch him fight with his expression, it keeps breaking into something weak before he goes back to his angry pout. You can’t help the way you press into him, you want to feel it again, that fire in the pit of your stomach that spreads to your soaking pussy the more he pulls you in. You watch his face contort into something heavenly. His brows pull up, almost shocked at how good you feel as his eyes roll back and shut. His entire body shakes as he melts into the pillow. He’s breathing deep and slowly, trying to regulate the pleasure he feels. 

Now he’s focused on savoring the moment. He wants this to last as long as it possibly can. You’re making him feel incredible,  he’s so sensitive, it’s like he’s been edging himself for you. You whimper, high-pitched and muffled but it’s so beautiful that he forces his eyes open. You have one hand gripping the bedsheet like it’s your lifeline and you have the other bitten between your teeth to hold your sounds in. Your hips are grinding into him at an uneven, unsteady, desperate pace and he’s mesmerized by the sight.

He knew you wanted him. He didn’t know you needed him. You’re fucking yourself against his cock like you’ve been waiting for it your whole life. Your hand comes up to grip his shoulder instead of the bedsheet. He grunts and tilts his hips further into yours, a sadistic smirk coming to his face at the sound of exclamation that shoots from your mouth once you’re able to grind your clit against his shaft. Your thrusts start to stutter at that, your body constantly wanting to fold in on itself from the assault of pleasure but you try and will yourself to keep going. 

Unfortunately, your pace is ruined by your pleasure. Your sensitive body can’t handle how good his clothed cock is making you feel. You lose your pace and your pleasure becomes rocky and teasing. He watches as your face changes from pleasured to pouty. Little whimpers and whines of frustration slip from your lips, growing in volume and frequency the longer you’re unable to grind against him properly. Joel’s watching you through hooded eyes, fingers digging into your hips painfully at this point and all he wants is to not cum yet. He wants to make you cum first, he needs it, he needs to see it, to hear it. 

He’s been telling himself it’s fine because you’re grinding against him, not the other way around. You’re choosing this, there’s no way he’s manipulating you, or swaying your decision if he stays completely indifferent. But you’re begging him now. You’re gripping desperately at his shirt, removing your hand from your mouth to grip him harder and pulling yourself closer, wrapping your arms around and moaning right against his chest. He shouldn’t. He can’t. But he does.

His eyes shut tight as his hands leave your hips. You almost climb on top of him in protest, whining a loud “N- Please.” into his chest as your leg hikes higher onto his waist. One of his hands cradles your head, pulling you further into his chest, muffling the moans you’re already letting out at his touch. His other hand goes to the small of your back, pressing you against him perfectly and guiding your rhythm as your hips start up again. He dares to speak. “S’this okay, baby?”

Your reaction to his voice is visceral. Your hands shoot up to his shoulder and hair, pulling yourself up a bit to bury in his neck, getting a new angle from his cock, now fucking him against your leaking hole. “So good, Joey. Thank- Thank you s’much. Thank you, thank you.” Your gratitude is like a searing knife through him. His entire body is set alight as he tries to regulate his breathing. He can feel goosebumps break out on his skin, his pleasure filling every molecule in his body, ready to overflow for you. Fuck. He’s definitely going to cum before you. 

“Mm. Good, good girl. Just- Keep going, sweetness, take what— Shit. Take what you need, darlin’.” His breathing quickens and shudders as your hips increase their pace against him. He’s leaking continuously now, he’s getting in his head, trying to stop himself from cumming but every thought that pops into his mind just brings him closer to the edge. He can’t focus on anything but you. You’re moaning for him, grinding against him, this desperate for him. 

The hand on your lower back migrates to the back of your neck, gripping you there, holding you in place as his hips begin to thrust into yours. “M’gonna cum, darlin’. Fuck, I wanted t- wanted to last for y- Mmm oh fuck.” His entire body starts to tremble as your nails dig into him so painfully he’s sure they drew blood. Your eyes are comically wide as your body tenses in his hold before breaking down into a shudder that overtakes your entire being. You’re cumming. 

He explodes at the realization. In all his desperation, intoxication, and pure need… He was still able to make you cum first. He buries his face in your hair, huffing the scent as he floods his sweatpants. His eyes shut as tightly as they can as his orgasm tears through him. He’s been waiting so long for you to make him cum and now that it’s happening, it feels even better than he planned for. His low grunts turn into shocked moans when his orgasm doesn’t stop after shooting two ropes of cum against his sweats. You’re already coming down as he hits what feels like his second peak. You can feel his hands shaking over where they’re gripping you and you get an impulse that you act on without a second thought. 

Your hand slides down from his shoulder quickly, over the sliver of stomach he’s showing off, and right down his pants. You don’t know what you’re doing so you just grip him, wrapping your hand around his shaft but it seems to do the trick. He lets out a sound that resembles someone getting kicked in the gut. His face is pulled from your hair as his head is thrown back. He arches into you a bit before his hips start thrusting into your fist, desperately prolonging his already overwhelming orgasm. It’s embarrassing; how long he was cumming for, the way his body was violently quivering for you, the ludicrously large dark spot spreading over his pants, showcasing how much he came for you. 

He moans gently when he comes to. You’re stroking over his chest with a soft, sleepy, nervous smile. He pulls you in for a kiss before he can think about it. You guys haven’t discussed anything. Neither of you knows what this means for your relationship but you know that neither of you has felt more comfortable than when you’re in the arms of the other. So why question it now? 

You fall into a deep sleep listening to Joel’s heavy snores, getting rocked to bed by the way his chest expands. It’s the best sleep of your life. 

thank you so much for reading!! please please please give any feedback you may have! I want it all! also if you liked it please take a look at my masterlist!

psst psst. hey you!! i have a part 2 if u want 😏

[aothotties]

Drunk Texting

Heyyyyy! Im Rachel, the other half of AOTHOTTIES. Like she said this is very much 18+ so minors DNI :)

I hope you enjoy this fic about your ex, Connie drunk texting you :)

CW: NSFW, oral (f. receiving), lil bit of overstimulation, pet names (daddy,papi,mami,baby, etc), creampie <3

also all the stuff in italics is flashback :)))) & there is a tiny crumb of Spanish in this cause Connie is literally Dominican idc.

Bitch fucj yoi

I hat evrythif about u 

Baby plse i muss you sm

I nevrw ment the things isaid to you

Fine syipid bitvh dont reply i literlt dont care 

Thats why i fckd spooo many bitcjes since i lefy your sorry ass

Y/N please answer me

You stared blankly at the multiple texts you received from your ex, Connie. You knew he was drunk, it seemed to be the only thing he did since you broke up. Messages like this were a common occurrence at this point.

Constance, get a fucking grip please 

You get a gril. You mak me sivk

Im begging you to get yourself together 

Shut up

I missyou sobmuch

Y/N im sorry

You’re fucking pathetic

Mami….

Turning on DND, throwing your phone to the opposite end of the couch you decided you were done with this sorry ass conversation. This was every fucking day. Connie spends the morning completely unbothered by you but by nightfall, an influx of jumbled messages that get progressively worse as the night goes on. If you're lucky you'll get a 10-minute-long voicemail that ranges from sweet words of him expressing his love to you all the way down to him cursing your name as he explains how much he hates you. You understood the apologies and the million i-love-yous, you deserved it. You were the best thing to ever happen to him and you both knew it. It was the anger and hatred that got to you. It didn't hurt your feelings, but it pissed you off. How could he be angry when he's the one in the wrong? He was the one that hurt you and he didn't deserve to be angry, you did. 

“Why the fuck are YOU angry, dickhead. You make me so fucking mad”, you mumbled to yourself as you thought about the day you broke up

“Baby, text my mom and let her know i’ll meet her at the airport at 8am and remind her not to forget my passport this time. And do your best to say it in spanish you know her ass can't speak english”

You were sad your man was leaving you to go to DR but his grandfather had passed and he was going to his funeral and to spend time with his family. His parents invited you to tag along but you weren't able to get the time off work at such a short notice. 

“Ok so i tried my best but i promise you she probably will know its me trying to speak spanish”

You laughed as you placed his phone back on the charger next to you. He shrugged his shoulders and chuckled and he continued playing his game as you sat next to him watching him lose for the 3rd time

His phone dinged next to you. You picked it up assuming it was his mom, but it was from an unsaved number.

“ what she say?” he asked also thinking his mother had responded

“It's not her it's just a random number”“Who is it?”

“I don't know I'll look”

Papi, te extraño.

Y extraño el bicho que me diste la ultima vez

Your heart dropped into your stomach. You didn't speak Spanish, but he had taught you enough to understand exactly what was happening. You couldn’t believe what you were reading as you felt tears well up in your eyes. Before you could even speak another message came in. a picture of her ass in the smallest thong you’ve seen with “Connie ❤️” tattooed on the cheek. At this point you couldn't stop yourself from crying.

Remembering seeing that image on his phone brought you to tears. “Dirty cheating bastard” you mumbled while you got up to wash your face in the bathroom. You kept replaying that moment in your head no matter how much you hated it, it was a day you'd never forget.

“Connie what the fuck? Are you serious?” yelling as you tossed his phone at him. He paused his game and shot you a confusing look then you watched as a guilty look washed over his expression when he looked at the phone

“Mami please, i can explain”

“Nah. save it. Get all your shit and get the fuck out”

You unplugged his xbox and removed it from your dresser. You tore through every drawer grabbing anything that was his and tossed it directly at him 

“Y/N please listen to me. It's not what it looks like Y/N i promise you. Baby please, look at me, please listen”

His words went in one ear and out the other as pain boiled over into anger and rage. The closet contained most of his things and you yanked the door open and began tearing all his clothes off the hangars, some ripping in the process

“Oh my god, Y/N you have to hear me ou – “

“I don't have to hear shit” you cut him off not wanting to hear another word out his mouth. “What can you even tell me right now? You're just going to explain something I can clearly see. There’s some bitch in DR you fucked when you stayed with your grandparents over the summer. Right now, she's eagerly waiting on you, missing the dick you gave her last time.”

Connie looked shocked and sad at the same time. He’s never seen you so angry before, you've always handled your emotions so well but this was the first time seeing you completely blow up

“Oh you thought i wouldn't understand what she said?” you laughed in his face. “ i know enough to see you're a piece of shit, get your shit off the fucking floor and get out connie” you tried to walk out but he grabbed you and pushed you against the wall

“No Y/N let me explain,please” tears ran down his cheeks as he begged you to listen. You tried to squirm out of his grip but he was too strong

“ i don't want to hear –”

“No please listen”

There was no escaping his grasp and you found yourself stuck listening to what he had to say.

You stared at your pathetic expression in the mirror as water trickled down your face. Could you really be here crying over a cheater? Was it seriously still affecting you after 5 months? Defeated, you slid down the wall in the bathroom and pulled your knees to your chest. With your face buried in your hand the tears began spilling as you continued to relive one of the most heartbreaking moments of your life 

“Y/N i know it looks bad but this is a misunderstanding”

It made you sick just looking at him. A cheating piece of shit staring down at you trying to make up some lies to get him out of the situation. If it wasn't for him having you pushed up against the wall you would have walked out, not even caring to listen.

“Look ok, we broke up that summer, remember? And I was kind of upset, so  my uncle decided to take me out to clear my head and I met her at a club. Y/N i don’t even know her real name. She goes by a nickname and I never even talked to her enough to find out – “ he was interrupted by you getting even angrier than before.

“So you don't even know this bitch? You just stuck your dick in the first person you saw when you got there? And don't give me that “we broke up” bullshit, Connie we talked the entire summer you were there and you know this. You called me every day to tell me how much you miss me and couldn't wait to come back so we can work on ourselves, just for it to be lies. You obviously didn't miss me enough to stop fucking around.”

“This was before that, it was when I literally first got there. Before I called you that one night, remember when I called you and we spent the entire night on the phone? That's when we started talking again. I had met her before that night and it was dumb but yes, I slept with her. But it meant nothing baby i promise you”

He started crying again as he was explaining what happened. You felt nothing while watching him fall apart in front of you. Even though he was practically falling to his knees there was something in your gut that made you feel like this was so much deeper that what he tried to make it 

“It was still  wrong, connie!” ,you found yourself screaming at this point, “if you KNEW you were on the island fucking with someone why would you even call me again? You knew exactly what the fuck you were doing!”

“Y/N, please listen, it was nothing. It was a stupid summer fling –”

Just like that..he told on himself. The situation he tried to pass off as a one-time quick fuck was actually a long term fling that lasted the entire time he was on vacation. 

In that instance you felt your heart shatter into a million pieces. Tears began flooding from your eyes and you barely found the strength to whisper, “so it happened more than once?”

He swallowed hard before responding, “Yes Y/N, it did. And I know we were still talking but we still weren't technically together so i didn't think it was wrong. And she got the tattoo without even telling me, okay? She made it more important than what it really was. And when I came home I never spoke to her again. I can show you the messages i do not talk to this girl. I'm not even sure how she knows I'm coming again.”

With every word he spoke your heart broke more. He wanted to dismiss the situation and downplay it. This was obviously more than a summer fling to her and he must have given her reason to believe so. Connie was the love of your life and you never expected him to do something like this. You knew he was the one when you first met him. He treated you better than anyone ever had and no matter the ups and downs he was patient with you. He understood you were constantly at war with yourself, but he always calmed your storm and brought silence to your chaos. Yet here he was, standing in front of you, trying to justify infidelity. Anger arose in you again and you felt rage you've never felt before.

“Get your sorry ass out!”, you screamed as you slapped him across the face. He clenched his jaw and balled his fist and for a split second you though he was going to hit you back. But then he released the tension in his body and dawned a cold demeaner

“You know what Y/N, fuck you. And fuck this relationship. You're trying to make me the bad guy for acting single when i was….single. And as I'm here in front of you apologizing trying to show you that it was nothing, you act like the hard headed bitch you always are. I can't keep dealing with your bullshit, Y/N. so ill gladly get the fuck out because truthfully i fucking hate you.”

He grabbed your hand and slipped the ring off your finger then he turned to walk out of the closet as you stood there shocked. He had never spoken to you like this in the 4 years you were together. You had so much to say in that moment because how could he have the audacity to be angry right now, but you were unable to speak. You stood, dumbfounded, as you watched him grab his keys and walk out the door.

After that you didn't hear from him for 2 months straight. He reached out to you to genuinely check on you but in those months you had begun to heal and love yourself. You started therapy and worked closely with her to get over what he said and done. When you ignored the first message the angry, drunk, message started. 

You continued to sob on the floor. In these 5 months you gained so much strength, but you still had nights like this. Your broken heart still lingered no matter how much you thought you were over it and him. Every part of you still loved him and you wished you never saw the messages that day. You'd be married to the love of your life if you didn't. But instead of a happy life with him you were sitting on a cold floor crying so hard it was difficult to breathe. You decided to indulge in his coping mechanism. You pulled yourself up off the floor and went into the kitchen. You swung the freezer door open and grabbed the bottle of crown peach, it was his favorite and you avoided drinking it so as to not remind yourself of him. But you felt different tonight. In some sick way his favorite liquor made you feel as if you still had a part of him with you. The smooth liquor burned as you drank it straight from the bottle. As the liquor began coursing through your body you had an urge to text him. It was your turn to send the angry drunk texts and give him a taste of his own medicine. 

As you feverishly typed you heard your front door unlocking. Your best friend had a spare key but it wasn't like her to show up unexpected. You shrugged it off and locked your phone, taking her surprise visit as a sign you should just leave him alone. You heard footsteps through the hall that grew louder as they approached the kitchen. You turned to greet her but was shocked at the sight before. Connie, with bags under his eyes, was standing right in front of you, looking at you as if he’d seen an angel.  A few seconds of silence had passed as neither one of you knew what to say. A small part of you wanted to run into his arms, kiss him and tell him how much you missed him. But he cheated on you and told you he hated you. And he had to leave your house immediately.

“Connie leave. I forgot you still had your key, but you can leave it on the counter before you go”

There was no feeling in your voice and no expression on your face. You couldn't show him your hand and he had to believe you were over him. He started walking closer to you with tears pooling in his eyes.

“Y/N, i missed you so much. I'm sorry for barging in like this but I just had to see you.” words were spilling out of his mouth and he walked closer, “I'm a piece of shit okay? I know what i did was fucked up and not a day goes by that i don't regret it but baby i promise you she was nothing. I was wrong for being with her while promising you we’d get back together and I feel like such a dick. I hurt the only person I've ever loved and I'll never forgive myself for that but Y/N i can't stop loving you. I don't deserve it but please forgive me, please tell me you still love me as much as you did before this”, he sobbed, “i don't want to be with anyone else. I want you to marry me, Y/N. you're supposed to be my wife, we’re supposed to spend the rest of our lives together.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out the ring he had given you before. He grabbed your hand to put it on your finger but you pulled away. At this point you were crying too. Those are words you wanted to hear this whole time. You spent many nights crying into your pillow wishing he’d call you to say that exact same thing to you. You wanted to take him back but you knew better than to give in

“How can we be together again, Connie?”, you spoke through tears, “I'll never be able to trust you again. You broke me, and I don't know if I can forgive you.” 

He grabbed your hands, fell to his knees and looked up at you as he pleaded, “Y/N please! I need you, I can't go on without you. I'll apologize every day for the rest of my life so you’ll forgive me, mami please I'm so sorry. I never meant the things i said to you before i left, i could never hate you, mami, you're the love of my life. The drunk texts were stupid, and all lies. I haven’t been with anyone since you because I can't get you off my mind. Please, please give me another chance, baby i promise i wont fuck it up this time. Please, I'll do anything to get you to forgive me” his sobs were uncontrollable as he begged for your forgiveness.

You looked down at him as he begged and cried. Unsure if it was the liquor in you or the lack of dick since he left but you became aroused at the sight in front of you. This man looking so pathetic on his knees, crying and begging for you to be with him again made a pool of wetness form in your panties. You stepped closer to him until his face touched your pelvis and you quietly thanked yourself for not wearing pants. 

“Anything?’ you seductively asked. Connie grabbed your hips to pull you closer as he took a deep breath of your scent. A bulge formed in his pants as your sweet smell filled his nose. He began kissing your clothed clit. A soft moan escaped your lips from the pleasure and was in this moment you realized how much you missed having his face between your thighs. His tongue darted out of his mouth and he licked your cunt through your panties. You whined, desperately wanting to feel his tongue again.

Connie grew hungry and couldn't bother to take your panties off. He moved the soaked fabric to the side and attached his mouth to your swollen clit. You let out a high pitched “baby” as the pleasure consumed you. His tongue licked from your hole up to your clit then back down. He continued this as your moans grew louder. The sound of your wetness echoed through your kitchen and Connie's dick pressed hard against the fabric of his pants that were now wet from his precum. 

He started to fuck your hole slowly with his tongue and you moved you hips up and down, grinding yourself on his face. Connie knew you loved this and knew it would bring you to your peak.

“Mm papi, just like that. please don't stop” you begged as your budding orgasm came close to the edge. “Cum for me mami, right in my mouth," he responded between licks. You put your leg over his shoulder for balance as you drew closer to your climax. His hands squeezed your thighs as your cunt clenched around his tongue, he knew from that alone you were about to cum for him. “Fuck baby, im cumming ah –” you shivered as your cum spilled into his mouth. He licked your juices making sure to not waste a drop.

He stood up and crashed his lips on yours. Connie kissed you as if it were the first time, the passion was tense between the two of you. You missed each other and your bodies missed each other too. He grabbed your thighs and lifted you up. He started kissing the spot on your neck that he knew would make you melt. You threw your head back and moaned his name, knowing that would awaken the beast in him. He carried you to the room you once shared and laid you on the bed. You spread your thighs as he crawled between them. You could feel his dick pressing on your core and started grinding on him. 

“connie , i need it” you panted, grinding on him even faster.

“Un uh mami, you know you have to give me another one before i fuck you. Don't act like you forgot the rules”

He lifted your shirt and kissed from your neck to your chest. He brought his lips to your left nipple and pinched the right then switched to ensure they both got love. He planted kisses down your abdomen until he reached your cunt. He removed your panties wasting no time before latching again to your now sensitive clit. 

“Fuck mami you taste better than before. I missed tasting your sweet pussy every night” 

“ i m-missed squirting - mmm - on your face” you brokenly responded through your moans. You passed your fingers through his short silver hair, instinctively pushing his face deeper into your pussy. 

The overstimulation from his mouth was too much. “Connie baby! Too much – daddy please!” tears ran down your face as you squirmed under him. Your thighs tried to close to escape the stimulation, but he pinned your thighs to the mattress, “you can do it mami, one more time, just for papi. Can you give me another, princess?”, he slid his fingers in your cunt and curled them to hit your g-spot. His mouth found its way back to your clit as he finger fucked you harder. “Papi, ‘m gonna cum again” your body began shaking and your climax washed over you. You squirted on his face and he lapped it up as it spilled out of you. “good girl” he whispered as he came back up to kiss your cheek.

He slid off the bed and dropped his pants, taking his boxers down with them. Your mouth watered as you watched his dick spring out from its confines. He crawled back on top of you and lined his tip with your entrance, soaking it with your slick.

“Baby please don't tease” you begged as he rubbed his dick up and down your folds. Pleasure overcoming him, he slid into your cunt, sighing at the feeling of you clenching around his length. 

“Diablo, mami” he groaned as he came down to kiss you. He slipped his tongue in your mouth and deepened his strokes. You felt his tip hitting your cervix causing you to jump at the feeling.

“connie – fuck right there baby you're hitting it just right” you whined.

Hearing you say those words drove him insane. He picked up his pace and began bullying his dick into you. Your moans turned to slight screams and his groans grew louder.

“Oh mami”, he sighed, “i missed this pussy so much. You feel so good on my dick.”

Your walls began spasming as you reached your third orgasm for the night. Your hand clung to his back leaving scratches. Connie was fucking into you like a wild person. The look in his eyes was feral and the only thing on his mind was how good you felt taking his cock.

“ ‘M cumming papi, ah-, mm cant take it baby'.  you were a mess, tears staining your face, drool pooling on your chin. Your fucked out expression brought connie to his peak.

 “I'm gonna cum inside you baby. You want that? You want to feel me cum inside that tight little pussy?”

“Yes, cum inside me please baby, wan’ to feel your cum inside of me”

He groaned loudly as he came deep inside of you, hot ropes filling you to your brim. He slid himself out slowly and stared at your cunt, watching his sticky cum spill out of your fucked out hole. He rolled off and laid next to you. He pulled you to his chest and wrapped his arms around you

“ i really am sorry Y/N for everything” he said while tracing circles on your back

You grabbed his jaw and turned his face towards you then planted a sweet kiss on his lips.

“I know baby. Lets work on us, i want to be with you forever.” you whispered as you broke the kiss

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat and closed his eyes to stop his tears from falling.

“I love you”, he whispered.

“I love you too” you responded as you drifted off to sleep with the love of your life

[iaeriy]

studying sex (college au; joão félix x reader)

author: this is my first time writing a fanfiction & i think i wrote TOO much..

warnings: cussing, cheating, fluff, spanish speaking, google translated sentences, smut

“come on y/n!! we’re going to be late!” you heard your friend elena shout from the door as you rushed putting your journals & study books into your tote bag, you made your way downstairs as you made contact with your friend elena. you were wearing low waist flared jeans with a pink tanktop and a tie top covering your cleavage.

you had been attending college with your friend elena since the two of you decided to apply for the same job, you currently don’t have a boyfriend but you’re known for your looks & your smartness. not to mentionnn, you have a crush on the boy that everybody calls popular, of course joão is known for his brown eyes and his brown hair, and lastly.. his bratty girlfriend, she’s disrespectful to you for no reason & makes fun of the way you dress up.

you smiled at your friend, “okay.. let’s go now! if you want to make your stop at the coffee shop!” your held her hand and the two of you walked out of your apartment, approaching your vehicle.

the two of you gossiped & talked about your family’s and your crush through out the drive to the coffee shop. you decided to just go through the drive thru, you ordered yourself a matcha latte and elena got herself an iced coffee.

a few minutes later the two of you winded up in the parking lot of the college, you two got your gatherings and began walking into the building, classes weren’t beginning in about 20-30 minutes so the two of you sat under a massive tree with pink flowers flowing around the air.

The two of you gossiped when a group of girls approached you guys.

“you look so stunning today y/n!”

“were are your clothes from!? they’re so gorgeous!”

“you two look so amazing today!”

you & elena smiled at them as you thanked them, when suddenly the brown haired boy caught your attention as he made eye contact with you as his girlfriend was on his lap, doing whatever god knows to his neck. you smiled slightly back at him then rolled your eyes.

the campus bell then rang as you and elena headed to class, in your first period you had your best friend and one of joão’s friends, mason. you and elena always gossip about some of the girls in the campus that give u the ick feeling, mason obviously keeps his mouth shut since he knows the consequences when it comes to messing around with you and elena.

“y/n you look like a doll anytime you wear braids with those bows, you know that?” mason says as he threw an orange slice that elena shared sith him into his mouth, you blushed at the compliment and laughed.

“thank you mason..” you said taking notes on the lesson that was on the screen.

“give me back my orange you stupid british!” elena yelled as you heard a smack go into masons forehead, you stared at the two of them watching them argue non-stop about the orange.

the two fought back and forth over the orange, “well at least my lips dont look like a duck whenever i eat!” mason yelled as it catched everybodys attention and you grabbed an orange from your bag, handing it to elena then another one to mason.

“there. two oranges for the two of you to stop arguing, now shut up.” you whispered kicking masons leg as he yelped out loud, elena bursted out laughing as she took a picture of his face.

the next bell had rang where the three of you get seperated, your next class was with joão which you tried to make things not obvious, the two of you spoke spanish, since he didn’t really understand english and anytime he spoke it he would get made fun of.

you got to your class as you sat in ur chair as usual, your heart was somewhat racing as you then heard stumbling & talking. you turned to see joão and his girlfriend all up on each other flirting, you looked away going on your phone to text elena.

he sat infront of you as he looked at you and admired your outfit, “te miras preciosa, y/n” (you look so gorgeous, y/n.) joão said as he tried to get your attention, “te estoy hablando niña!” (i’m talking to you girl!) joão said as he kicked ur ankle, you raised ur head up and looked at him, glaring at him.

“y me tenías que golpear en la pinche tonillo, pinche tonto.” (and you had to hit me in the ankle, fucking idiot.) you said holding onto your ankle, rubbing it as you rolled your eyes. “pues entonces no estes en tu teléfono con tu novio,” (then dont be in your phone with your boyfriend.) joão said as he sat back hands crossed up to his chest, you looked at his outfit, a plain white shirt with of course skinny jeans. “no tengo novio.. además que dijiste que me tenías que pegar en la pinche pierna.” (i dont have a boyfriend.. besides why did you have to hit me in the fucking leg.)

“no mas, solo te quería decir que te miras tan linda hoy.” (just wanted to say you look so beautiful today.) joão said smiling at you as you smiled back when a tint of blush appeared on your cheeks, the two of you made eye contact before you broke it by one of joão’s girlfriend friends taking pictures, you then smacked his arm and pointed at the window, when you saw his eyes widen.

“porra de mierda..” (fucking shit) you heard joão mumble in portuguese, you looked at him as you started to worry thinking about what could effect between his and his girlfriend’s relationship. you didn’t want to be the reason why, even tho you like him.

“esa era esa la amiga de tu novia..?” (wasn’t that your girlfriends friend.) you said looking at him he was already texting his girlfriend as you sighed silently not getting a reply back, you laid your head down as you dozed off infront of joão.

joão looked around making sure none of his girlfriends friends were around as he moved the string of hair that was blocking his view, he admired the way you looked, dressed & slept. The small issue was, is he starting to like you!? he took pictures of you sleeping, playing with the strands of hair that was blocking your face.

you then felt him tap on your shoulder, he kept nodging you slightly as you looked up at him, “ya levantate, se termina la clase en unos minutos..” (come on wake up, class finishes in a few minutes.) joão said chuckling, grabbing ur head slightly and smacking it playfully.

“déjame la cabeza en pas niño tonto..” (leave my head alone dumb boy) you said mumbling as you rubbed your eyes waking up, as you sat up looking around to see the class empty but just you and joão

“te ves bonita tovia con el pelo todo arruinado.” (You look pretty still with your hair all messed up.) joão said holding your bag your eyes widen, “joão, no hagas eso.. no te vallan encontrar unas de las amigas de tu novia y después que se enojé conmigo or unas de las amigas.” (joão, don’t do that, aren’t one of your girlfriends friend or herself going to find out, then either one will he mad at me.) you said as he shook his head, “fueron todas a un lugar a comer, “no se por que no me querían que fuera, pero cres que me podria quedar contigo y con elena, traigo a mason contigo si quieres?” (i don’t knoe why she didnt want me out with her, but do u think i can stay with you and elena, i can bring mason with us if you’d like.) joão said looking down, you smiled at the way he got shy.

You texted elena about it as you lifted joão’s cheek, “ya parale con tus juegos, ya vamos a buscar a elena y mason!” (stop playing around with your games, let’s go look for elena and mason!)

The two of you walked out the class and walked around outside campus, “no van a venir, los dos fueron a un lugar..” (they’re not coming the two of them went out..) you said looking at joão as he frowned, “pues entonces vamos a la biblioteca, dice el professor que tengo los grados muy mal.” (then lets go to the library, the professor said i have bad grades right now.) you nodded ur head and the two of you walked to the library.

he walked to a empty room and put ur stuff down on the table u sat down and he sat next to you, you grab one of your algebra study books as you turn to the page with the lesson he struggled with, you explain to him what the differences between polynomials and inequalities are, as you helped him with his homework, you felt his hand on your thigh.

you didn’t mind at all but try and move his hand away, he grips ur hand and you look at him. “joão-“ the two of you made eye contact as he leaned in to you, just one gap away from him kissing you. you got all nervous and started thinking of the bad things, this is something you’ve always dreamed of.

and it happened.

he kissed you.

you felt his lips on your lips, you closed your eyes as your lips and his synced. you cupped his cheeks as he held your cheek, he tried to slide his tongue into your mouth as you allowed him, he sucked on your tongue and you did on his. the two of you made out, of course you’ve seen him makeout with his blonde haired girlfriend the makeouts usually didnt last, and he would be disgusted.

you pulled away as a string of saliva seperated the kiss.

your cheeks were all red as you saw joão’s eyes widen you turned and saw elena and mason, “oh fuck..” you whispered to yourself.

A few days later passed by after that awkward situation. Mason and elena were a couple and joão distanced himself from you since his girlfriend told you, then there was you. You were hurt because of what had happened and he acted like nothing happened.

-

You didn’t attend college for the past 2 days, your phone was blowned up by messages from your friends besides elena asking you “were have you been?” & “are you coming back?” you obviously didn’t come because you wanted to avoid drama and you were stressed out about how late your period was and including your exams.

You were in the apartment all by urself some days, elena would leave to stay at masons since they have been dating for a 3 weeks. Today was the day you decided to come back, you got up and did your hair into a half up-half down into a clawclip, you wore a white dress with your white converse and a white cardigan. you got your tote bag since elena was picking u up.

Elena then parked her vehicle as she honked you letting you know she’s outside. You walked out your apartment as you got into elenas vehicle and she smiled at you. “you look cute returning back!” you smiled back at her as you put your tote bag in your lap.

“has anything happened at school recently so far?” you said twiddling with your fingers as the words that came exactly out of elenas mouth shocked you.

“well, joão and margarida broke up, she cheated on him, apparently because one of her friends saw you and joão together so she thought he was cheating so she took it more serious and bam.” elena said as she continued driving holding onto the sterring wheel.

“has he been okay? i know i haven’t been showing up but i had my reasons why.” you said looking at elena and she nodded her head, “he’s been hanging out with me and mason, he doesn’t seem as upset tho, he hasn’t told anybody but us about when we caught y’all kissing.” you laughed remembering what happened a few days ago.

Elena parked the car in the parking lot as the two of you got out the vehicle. she held your hand in case you felt unsafe, you actually didn’t show up the past days due to your stress and anxiety.

You followed elena as the two of you approached mason and of course, joão. you tried to avoid eye contact with him as the bell for campus rang.

you and elena were heading to class when you heard nothing but girls gossiping & speaking on you and joão.

“that’s y/n!? she’s so prettier than joão’s ex.”

“she’s such a whore.”

“she’s back!”

the two of you were about to enter class when mason joined you, you rolled your eyes seeing your friend and the boy flirt, before you entered the class with elena. joão approached you standing infront of you, “can i borrow y/n for a second?” elena looked and nodded as he held your hand and pushed you away from your friend without her knowing.

“what the fuck is wrong with you! let go of me!” you try and push him away from your grip but he grips your hand tighter as he walked you to the bathrooms, he pushed you into the womens bathroom and locked the door.

“joão- why are we in the females bathroom, anybody could walk i-” you said as he grabbed you by the waist tightly, “te vas por unos 2 malditos dias, y ahora cres que nada pasó.” (you leave for 2 fucking days and you act like nothing happened.) you looked up at him snickering, seeing his frown and he glared at you. “ahora cres que esto es chistoso?” (now you think this is funny.) you stood there shaking your head, as he leaned closer to you again.

you tried to shove him away but he held you in his grip, you slapped his chest, “déjame la pinche cintura en paz, desgraciado,” (leave my fucking waist alone, loser.) you said fighting back as he grabbed your jaw kissing you, you widened your eyes as you kissed back cupping his cheeks.

you felt so safe around him, coming back to this was making you weak, you missed seeing him, you missed how his lips felt on yours. you wrapped your arms around his neck as he walked you carefully to the counter, “jump.” he said breathlessly as he instructed you. you didn’t hesitate to as you jumped in his arms as he placed you on the bathroom counter, he looked at you smiling as he placed his lips on yours, the two of you kissed. he held you by your waist while your hands were wrapped around his neck.

your nails moved towards the strands of his hair as you were playing with his hair while the two of you were kissing. “i missed you while you were gone.” you said whispering as he understood as you opened your legs just a bit as you felt him in between you. you blushed heavily as you felt him slightly grind against you. “yo también bebé..” (me too baby..) he said whispering as he began to plant kisses on your neck, you held onto his arm leaning your head back for more access.

you bit down on your lip attempting to hold your sounds in, feeling the kisses on your neck and his hips grind slowly against you. you felt so weak under him as you felt yourself leak.

you were thinking dirty thoughts, sex of course.. you wanted him at the moment, but why would he be your first at a bathroom. you moved your hands off his arm as you held onto his waist, he looked over to you snickering at your looks, you smacked his arm then his cheek playfully. “not in the bathroom joão, anybody could walk in.” you said breathlessly as he backed away and you hopped off the counter fixing your dress, you looked at him through the mirror, you saw him chuckling.

His phone then rang as he opened the notification from mason.

“did you take y/n? elena & i are worried as hell, she keeps texting y/n asking her if shes okay and were shes at.”

He read the message as you looked at him, “let’s just go to my apartment.. make a lie up that i got sick.” you said as you looked at him nodding his head, you were surprised that the boy was improving on his english, you grabbed your bag as you saw him type his message in.

“she threw up, she looked pale and looked a bit green when i was going to talk to her. i took her to the bathroom & i’ll drive her back home if that’s alright with elena.”

you read the message as you nodded your head, he held your hand. you looked up at him as he kissed your cheek, you were so happy that this was happening, & it was all coming true.

“ohh well hope shes alright, elena said to take care of her and drive her back home. she said you could stay with her just to watch over her, she’ll go check up on her once school is over.”

João and you read the message as he unlocked the bathroom, he checked the halls for nothing to happen as you walked out, the two of you held hands and walked out the campus. he walked you to his vehicle as you got in the passenger seat.

The two of you talked about your friendship and your familys throughout the car drive to your apartment, the boy somewhat knew your house but you didn’t mind.

“joão, why did she cheat on you?” you said looking at him as he put his hand on your thigh, “she never told me why, from what i’ve heard from everybody apparently she did it because of when her friends saw me and you making eye contact, she took it serious and well i didn’t care. she used me for such things, didn’t feel like a relationship either way, i was already liking somebody around that time too.” he said as his other hand was on the stering wheel as he stopped at the red light.

you looked at him as you nodded, “i’m sorry if i got in the way between your relationship if that was somewhat my intention from what she was saying.. i really try my best to not mess up anything when it comes to just falling in love with somebody.” your eyes widen when you realized what you said as you looked at him as he was already looking at you.

“you like me?” he said as he began to hold the stering wheel continuing to drive, “yes and i’m such an idiot for falling in love with you, because of how nice you were whenever you helped me out on the second week of school and because of how kind you are whenever you have questions about my tutoring and not to mention whenever you would check up on me when i wouldnt show up to school, even whenever i didnt talk to you.” you said as he chuckled.

he parked his vehicle infront of your apartment as he grabbed your chin making you turn to him, you felt yourself get wetter through the material of your panties and you got nervous as he kissed you again.

you kissed back cupping his cheeks as he pulled away smiling at you, “let’s go inside i don’t want anybody to know we’re making out in the car.” he said as you snickered getting out his car grabbing your bag, he held your hand as you two walked to the front of your apartment and the two of you got in.

the two of you winded up in your room making out, you were sitting on the bed as he hovered above you, his hands holding your waist and your hands were on his shoulder.

his lips on yours, his hands, his scent, everything drove you crazy.

he pushed u down carefully as he hovered above you, you cupped his cheeks kissing him again as he pressed his lips back on yours. you slid your tongue in as your other hand slid inside of joãos shirt, you sucked on his tongue as your hand ran down his back while you heard him groan into your mouth. his lips traced down to your neck where he began to kiss and nibble on your skin. your small and soft moans were exposed as you held onto his arm.

you leaned your head back as you felt him start to grind in between you, “joão.. i-i’ve never done this before..” you said breathlessly as he looked at you and you sat up as he smirked at you, “i won’t do anything else unless you’re okay with that, i’ll help you okay?” you nodded your head as he undid your dress and removed the clawclip from your hair letting your hair fall down.

he smiled at you as he kissed your cheek, “hands up.” he said as you didnt hesitate to follow his instructions, you raised your hands up slowly as he grabbed the bottom of your dress pulling up your dress above your head. he looked at your body as you turned red covering your face.

“don’t you dare.” he said as he pinned you down pinning your hands above your head, you blushed as he kissed you passionately. you cupped his cheeks as his hand cupped your right exposed breast, massaging your breast. you whimpered in the kiss, your legs getting wobbly and weak at the feeling.

his lips traced down to your jaw to your bare chest, “you’re so gorgeous..” you heard joão say as he began to plant wet kisses around your chest, he lightly began sucking on your nipples while massaging your other breast.

your hand traced around his face, gripping onto it slightly, whining his name as you began to tug on his shirt. you wanted him inside of you already, you couldnt take it anymore.

he latched off your chest when a burst of sudden cold air hits you, “you can’t wait patiently let me guess?” joão said chuckling as he removed his shirt off him, you looked at his toned chest and his v line. you blushed heavily as he pulled you closer kissing you once again, the two of you sloppy kissed as he began to play with the waistband of your panties, you hummed in the kiss.

he moved down to your stomach leaving wet kisses, caressing your stomach, “you sure you want to do this bebé?” he says looking up at you as you nodded your head slowly, he pulled your panties off with his teeth as he looked at you chuckling, “you’re so wet for me already amor..” he cooed as you turned red, he rubbed your wetness around as his tongue flattened on your pussy, you moaned at the feeling as he began to lick around your clit while using his free hand to rub onto your pussy.

you arched your back moaning at the pleasure you were recieving, you ran your hands down his hair as you rested your legs on his shoulders.

he rubbed his tongue up and down against your clit, leaving kisses around as he sucked onto your clit lightly. your thighs burrying the half of his face.

he continued to devour you as he slipped one finger in he began to stretch you out, you mewled as you gripped onto the duvet, your vision getting blurry as he slipped his finger in and out of you making you moan uncontrollably.

he was eating you out and fingering you at the same time, so much pleasure making your brain go fussy and making you see stars. he started to rub the top of your clit a little faster as you let out a whiny moan, “f-fuck! you’re so good a-at this j-joão..” you said between your moans as he slipped another finger in, two fingers inside of you stretching you out and driving you crazy.

his fingers pumping in and out of you, you gripped onto his hair as you moaned loudly, saying such things to joão such as “you’re doing so good” “i love you”. you felt his finger curl into your g-spot as you arched your back gasping at the feeling.

you heard him chuckle underneath you sending vibrations through you, you gripped tighter onto the duvet as you felt your climax coming in.

he pulled himself up as you shot your eyes open and you whined, “wh-why’d you stop..” you said breathlessly trying to catch your breath as he giggled looking at you, “calm down mi vída.. you’ll get to have all this inside..” joão said as he held your hand running it through his chest, you were all flustered and red from the pleasure you just experienced.

he kissed you again as you tasted yourself through his mouth, he slid his tongue into your mouth as you began to suck onto his tongue. he began undoing his pants, you pulled him closer as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

you began to kiss and suck into his jaw and his neck, as he groaned lowly squeezing your ass recieving a moan in return. he pulled his jeans off as he was left with nothing but boxers, he laid you down as you saw him reach for his wallet pulling out the condom he had.

he pulled your legs closer as he pulled his boxers down, putting the condom over his dick as he pulled you closer to him. positioning himself infront of you, “tell me when to move okay? if it hurts, just tell me and we can stop right away, alright?” joão said as he watched you nod your head, he kissed your cheek before pushing himself inside of you.

you arched your back moaning in pain clenching around him holding onto his arm, starting to tear up. he noticed tears forming in your eyes as he lowered down trying to calm you down, he kissed you passionately as your lips synced with his you hummed, “c-can you move now..” you said breathlessly as he nodded his head.

He began to move slowly in and out of you as you began moaning into his mouth, while he groaned into yours. you pulled him closely as you whispered into his ear, “s-stay like this.. please..” as you watched him go in and out of you, the way his hair fell forward, his eyes, everything about him made you want him more.

He continues to move in and out of you, as you moaned softly into his ear, he burried himself deep into your neck before speeding up. you wrapped your legs around him as you kept enjoying the feeling of him inside of you.

“you’re doing so good for me anjo..” he said whispering into you as he kept grunting at how tight you were around him. he looked at you as he kept pumping himself in and out of you, the two of you kissed again, as he moved himself even quicker. you moaned uncontrollably into his mouth as you pulled away from the kiss breathlessly, moaning loudly at the pleasure consuming you.

your vision was going blurry again, brain was all fuzzy as you enjoyed his warmth in you.

he then placed your leg on his shoulder as he pushed himself deeper in you, you arched your back moaning loudly again as he moved in and out of you, he pinned your hands above your head again as he pounded into you.

you looked into his eyes as his necklace fell forward while he rested his sweaty forehead on yours. you moaned breathlessly at each thrust joão made, tears forming in your eyes from the pleasure.

joão whispered such lovey dovey things into your ear as in, “you’re doing so well..” “you’re so pretty.” and “i love you so much y/n.” in between the thrusts, nothing but moans and groans, skin slapping, his words and the sounds of your insides and his dick in you filled the room.

he pounded into you quicker as you closed your eyes enjoying the pleasure building up in your stomach, you were a moaning and sweaty mess underneath him as you felt your climax coming again.

“i-i’m close..” you said breathlessly as joão began to pound into you quicker than he was, you began moaning louder as you felt the tip of his cock kiss your cervix, “joão! o-oh my god!” you cried out scratching his back as you recieved a low moan from him in return, “d-don’t s-stop! pl-please!” you said as you cried out feeling him toy around with your clit, he rubbed gently as you arched your back.

joão looked down at you to see tears streaming down your face as he heard you blabber such things and moan, he smirked as the two of you came at the same time.

he collapsed on your chest, as the two of you were panting, trying to catch your breath from the intense pleasure that was happening between you two.

once you catched your breath you looked down at a red face all sweaty and messy hair joão, when his breath came back to normal he looked up at you, “i love you y/n.” he said kissing your cheek, “i love you too..” you said panting as the two of you kissed again.

joão was now laying down next to you, the two of you cuddled naked with the blanket covering the both of you, you played with his hair as you whispered into his ear, “thank you for being my first time..” you said before falling asleep on his chest. as the two of you fell asleep on each other.

(plz dont let this flop)

[ameri-blog]

Eres Mía

Disclaimer: I dont have an excuse for poor grammar and spelling besides the fact that i slept in almost every spelling/writing class since i was in 4th grade up until i graduated. I also don’t double check my writing after im done. And this song has like no big impact on the story, its just that i was listening to this as i wrote.

You felt so guilty for the way you texted your ex, Miguel O’ Hara. You wanted him for lustful reasons but you had a boyfriend that you truly loved, or not, you weren’t quite sure if you were in denial about being in love with Miguel or you were just bored that you subconsciously decided to gaslight yourself into liking him? Either way, you did feel some way towards him and your current boyfriend figured it out when he went through your phone…

“Listen, You shouldn’t have even went through my phone in the first place! Dónde está la confianza en la pinche relación?!” You yelled at your current boyfriend who had your phone in his hand. You weren’t mad that he went through your phone, you were mad that you got caught and were ashamed and embarrassed.

“Oh shut your trap, Y/n. I had suspicions so I had every damn right to go through it! And quit with your Spanish shit talking. You know more than anyone that I can’t understand shit you say!” Your boyfriend yelled back as he put your phone in his pocket as he stood a bit far from you. You guys had been yelling at each-other non-stop for a few minutes so things were getting heated.

“Be quiet, I can talk how ever i want! Just give me back my phone! We both know how this ends, you give it back, you get salty and leave for a few days before coming back to me again!” You were right, you guys always argued about whatever and he left for days on end and while he did, you and Miguel always did something that you both didn’t regret, unless you got caught.

“Oh, fuck you! Have your phone back you skank! Maybe your ex will dick you down again and make you forget about me like always. Im leaving.” Your boyfriend said as he threw your phone towards the carpet underneath and grabbed his jacket, keys and left your house in a rush. You were a bit upset but that quickly died down as soon as you grabbed your phone from the floor.

You opened it up and decided to do what you do best, talk to your favorite ex. You start texting Miguel hoping he would answer.

*messages start here*

You: Miguellll, guess what happened? 😓

Miguel 😘♥️: your boyfriend left again?

You: mhm, for such a dumb reason too. He is just so insecure, he thinks im going to leave him for you! All you and me do is fuck…

Miguel 😘♥️: aw, pero corazón, pensé que si lo harías? Last time we had sex, i could’ve sworn that in between all those whines and moans, you were questioning why we ever broke up and you even said you might consider dating me again?

You: jaja, que gracioso. This is serious, he might actually leave me this time. If he does, im never going to find anyone that will love me as much as he did~! Me voy a morirrrrr ☹️💔

Miguel 😘♥️: okay, from what I understand, your actual boyfriend caught you talking to me and he figured out we were fuck buddies and he got mad at you and left and you’re upset because you got caught?

You: yeah

Miguel 😘♥️: I only call you a whore in bed but it looks like you really are…

You: only yours~!

Miguel 😘♥️: mhm, toda mía, sólo para que yo te use. Don’t be surprised if one day I sneak into your house and make you fully mine again infront of your boyfriend.

You: you sure im only yours? I could be having other guys’ dicks inside me for all you know 🤫

Miguel 😘♥️: no creo, corazón. Ningún hombre te puede joder de la manera que yo lo hago, correcto?

You: cállate, pendejo. 😒

Miguel 😘♥️: I love you too. Im just saying that your boyfriend surely wouldn’t mind seeing his slutty girlfriend getting fucked in every position by spiderman himself.

You: as much as i want that, no!

Miguel 😘♥️: Aw coño, que triste. Maybe I can fuck you so hard that you finally get back with me again and become allll mine again.

You: Miguel, we agreed that we wouldn’t get back together because we broke up for a reason. All though, it doesn’t sound like a bad idea, you can always try~

Miguel 😘♥️: thats right, you know that im irreplaceable and that you’re all mine. Why don’t I come over now and give you a reason to get back with me?

You: pinche perro 🙄 you can try to prove it to me but it won’t work!

Miguel 😘♥️: sure, It wont work.

*messages end here*

After that conversation, you knew the answer to your question, you definitely wanted each other back, not only is the sex great but you can definitely see yourself dating him again. Hes so much more better than your current boyfriend. What ever made you think that you could replace Miguel, needs to leave your head right now.

Author’s note: guys this is so OOC for Miguel and ik bcs I have only ever seen the only version of Miguel which is movie miguel where he tweakin hella hard over a 15 yr old so i really have no idea how he would be as a romantic partner.

[sca-rr]

doing @zen-shu 's #48HC

my bday is on wednesday so i thought why nit do it then on wednesday i'll have everything i want it'll be like a bday present lol

What i will be getting/manifesting~

(its alot but i can get it obvs)

listed 48 things cause its a 48 hour challenge 💪

my desired face

my desired body

iphone 13 + airpods

macbook pro

a bf that looks exactly how i want them to ( i wrote all the characteristics down in a notebook😭)

waking up in my desired house

all the clothes, shoes, bags and accessories i put in my pinterest board and shein bag

perfect makeup skills

lots of makeup lol

soft, shiny, manageable hair, never gets damaged no matter how many times its been bleached or dyed

hairless body

me and my family being rich

lots of presents for my bday

a kitty and puppy

being able to speak, read, write and understand: korean, japanese, spanish, french, mandarin, cantonese, thai and italian fluently cause why not

loads of designer items

some guy not existing in my reality cause he scares me lol

being famous

being talented in dancing, singing and acting

being a good cook

getting into the void in less than 2 mins whenever i want to

no health issues for me and my family

perfect self concept

always manifesting in an hour or less

abcc11 gene

fancy expensive cars

perfect posture

fast metabolism

pretty handwriting

get loads of fans on younow(some live streaming website)

travel at least once a year

have a pink or white aura cause why not too

be flexible

free netflix, spotify premium and disney+

have smoking not cause any health issues(i dont smoke but ppl ik do)

pretty privilege

be smart

change my last name

have 20/20 vision

perfect hearing

have my bedroom be huge with a walk in closet like the one from scream queens

all my friends are happier

exercising doesnt hurt

phone battery lasts hours and phone is never ever slow

buses never come late

have all the albums i want

have my own bank account with hundreds of thousands of £' in there every week or month

a bunch of other stuff not listed here

good luck to me and everyone else doing the challenge🐰🤍

[acescorazon]

Hiii! Just like the last person, i also started with the live action and then found your fanfics and ah! Im the one that commented on almost all your work djdj and told you i read it on my lunch break and the train! Thank god i speak spanish so people wouldn't read what was on my phone sbdbbd and yeah, thank god i was also wearing a mask on the train so no one would see me giggling like and idiot. But i wanted to tell you that omgg i love your stories how the hell your brain is so sexy but also funny i love how the smut its very silly also because we get to read buggy's thoughts. I didn't even like buggy on the live action till i saw the fanarts and i was suddenly like "you know what? He actually has pretty eyes..." and then here i am with a massive crush on a clown. I also started to ship buggy with mihawk because i have a thing for rare pairs and i was like you know what they would be hot but i was only imagining them like the live action BUT THEN YOUR FANFICS and now im on episode 7 of the anime cause i just want to understand better, like i love your crocodile but i dont even know how he is so yep, im on the anime nfnfnf and im here to tell you that you are amazing, seriously, i read your stories at night, at morning, when i finish my work bfnfj like i became obsessed with the ot3

Hi i remember you lolllll i replied to your comments this morning :) honestly it blows my mind that you'd read them in public, i could never have that bravery LMAOOOO. BUT STOPPPPP I'M LITERALLY AN IDIOT LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO. i think i said this at the end of my most recent fic but like i'm really out here just writing the most unrealistic ass smut sometimes. sometimes its just plain STUPIIIDDD lmao. but i do fancy me a good laugh but i never verge off into Crack territory lol. The actor does have really nice eyes, doesn't he???? i'm a clown f*cker tho so i was always going to simp for h- ANYWAYSSSSSS. @here i am with a massive crush on a clown. LMAOOOOO? First time???? LOOK L I S T E N. Honestly. i'm a Cross Guild girlie at heart so for me this is a buy one get two free deal but i swear to god Mihawk/Buggy IDKKKKKK. IDKKKK BABESSSSS. idk those two have the potential to have the messiest relationship yet and plus they're hot like you said LMAOOOOOO. LISTENNNNN LISTENNNN I'M THE BUGGY SIMPPPPP (jk there's probably someone who loves him more) AND WHEN I TELL YOU THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT THAT MANNNNN. JUST HES. *CHEF KISS* he's delicious, tasty, and PATHETIC. HES SO FUNNY AND DUMB AND I LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH. His debut episodes/ Episode 46 which is like 'Little Buggy's big adventure' is honestly the funniest shit to me and like they're my comfort episodes. Also like i said in the prev ask Alabasta is just my comfort arc for so many reasons lolololol Mainly bc my fave character appears and so does Croco and i love baroque works with a passion. (nobody asked.) it may not be everyone's slice of pie, but it's mine :))))

ANYWAYS LMAOOOOOOOO. Trust me bestie the way i write Crocodile isn't a headcanon LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. You'll see when you get there aljsldjasldjasldkajsdasd. If anything i typically go light on my depiction of him bc he's hngngnngngngngngn. Yeah, he's Crocodile alright LMAO. Not much of a spoiler but i'm here to tell you that Oda is starving us in terms of Cross Guild content, but have no fear jlkjsljdlkasjdaks i'll take one for the team. ANYWAYSSSSSSSS.Thank you again for the really nice message dear, i really appreciate it and i hope you end up actually liking the show a lot and don't have to watch 9845840850948509485098450840548094850948 episodes to think it's got any sort of appeal LMAO. THANK YOU AGAIN X30000 But know this: the moment Cross Guild debuted i knew...I KNEW i had to write for them. I knew i had to write Buggy in every scenario possible, and i'm working on it.

[lovebattle]

here is every chiakao thought i have had in the past week i need to DIE IM EMBARRASSED

if you look on their wikis, chiaki's trivia says his dream is to eat a lunch box his gf prepares and kaoru's says he is good at cooking and in red hot island, kaoru cooked for chiaki so basically they are canon (i am delusional)

in chiakis phone call he says hes at the cafe with kaoru and that was actually a date because he was treating kaoru to pancakes (delusional #2)

despite saying that he does not care for his male classmates, in their second year (crossroad) kaoru tells chiaki that he seems like a good kid so he doesnt understand why he would be associated with ryuseitai (chews my arm off)

have said this one a million times but who gives a fuck!!!! chiaki seeing the two of them as friends in kaorus birthday message in 2018 and kaoru being like i dont recall us ever getting to know each other like that :/ to chiakis 2022 birthday talk and kaoru showing up like hey moricchi 🙈... ofc chiaki wasnt kaoru's first male friend but it's nice to see their development throughout a few stories

remember in date plan how kaoru and chiaki were gonna sing karaoke and chiaki was gonna sing undead songs and kaoru ryuseitai ones? well after they did that chiaki (hes half mexican btw) started singing love songs in spanish (i was there so this is true)

those watches they wear are actually matching ones (delusional #3)

they had matching necklaces in red hot island and i know eichi and leo had them too but this isnt abt them ok let me be delusional and say that they got matching ones and eichi and leo just bought the same ones bcuz they are friends (delusional #4)

remember when chiaki was like "youre so talented im jealous if you cant be an idol then who can? if youre ever in trouble feel free to depend on me" like bro do u need some time alone or some shit damn 😭😭😭

remember when chiaki was like "hakaze is dazzling" like ok thats normal to say...... and when kaoru was like "moricchi is so warm" like (looks around)

tbh they probably went to watch the fireworks one time before they dated or whatever and kaoru was like omg this is so romantic i should totally bring a girl on a date like this next and chiaki was like damn i thought this was a date like i dont think hes an idiot but this shit would be funny u cant tell me its not (this definitely never happened to me but it didnt involve fireworks)

me and the 4 spanish songs i associate with them against the world by the way.... you will never understand the way my mind works (el primer tonto and el chico del apartamento 512 are so them core pls just say u see my vision i can explain this later)

i wanna say that they would keep each other as the others lockscreens but at the same time no they wouldnt because chiaki loves his heroes too much and thats ok

me and the bad bitch i pulled by being autistic

wait i forgot what else i was gonna say..... oh well..... natsume said they were dating idk what other proof you need guys :/

[nomorelikethat]

whenever i am around my other hispanic friends they r speaking spanish to each other and i am like IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU. boy who has a hispanic father who forgot 99% of his spanish. and the only wayyyy i can get spanish help is from my grandparents but its usually over the phone and they dont understand the way my teacher teaches.... bleh

[fangirlstorycreator]

Hey sorry I was not clear enough but basically what I meant was 

But basically mateo has a 16 year old daughter who lives with him and u didn’t know u was pregnant until you give birth and u was scared to tell your dad but in the end after he was mad he was supposed of you and your baby and help as much as he can and Mateo the dad who is mad, but who ends up supporting her as much as he can and it is mateo and the child pov if that ok x

I think I understand now anon, I will try my best and I hope you like it 💚

School was a nightmare, yet again. The boy you had a huge crush on was ignoring you after the beach party you both attended, and he never even called you after you both spent the night together on that boat. You just tried to focus on your school work and hanging out with your friends too. But something had been bothering you for a few days, a pain that had been growing and gnawing away at you from your belly. As a teenager, your period was always mixed up and never came at the same time as before. And you had been known to completely skip a period or two in a row, but this was a very long time now, and you were worried. You were at the legal age to have s#x, but you didn't want your mum and dad to know about that, especially not with your 17th birthday just 2 months away. But maybe there was something that happened to you when you slept with your crush that's making you feel this way? You didn't have a baby bump or any other pregnancy symptoms, so it couldn't be that. Maybe he was lying about not being clear of STI's? And maybe this feeling is that? Whatever it was, you needed to find out, and discreetly, before anything really bad happens.

When you got back from school, you passed your mum who was making a drink in the kitchen. "Hi honey, how was school?" "It was ok, I guess" You were born in Spain, but your dad was Spanish and your mum was English. So you were pretty much fluent in both languages, and used both depending on who you were with, just to make it easier. Dad knew English, but he did get his words muddled up sometimes, it was funny. "Are you ok? You seem a little distant" "I'm fine mum, I'm just gunna head out to the beach for a while. I'll be back soon" "Take your phone with you and text me if you need anything ok?" "Ok mum" Getting changed into something comfy, you head back out and walk down to the benidorm beach front with all the shops and bars on the front. As you were walking in the sand, water lapping on your bare feet as you hold your shoes, you hear a voice in the distance. You see your dad, Mateo, walking towards you. "Hola, cómo estás Y/N?" "Hola papá. Are you heading to the hotel?" "Yes, miss Temple-Savage is making me clean the pool after an old orange man nearly died in it" "What?" "He's ok, still orange but not dead. Are you ok? Where are you off too?"

"I'm fine, just going for a walk" "Ok then Y/N, mantente segura mi querida" "Lo haré, nos vemos pronto papá" Giving you a wave, he heads to the Solana where he works as you carry on down the beach and on towards the old town. Washing your feet in the water before coming onto the path, you see your friend Lacey walking down the street. "Lacey!" You shout, trying to get her attention. "Hey Y/N, how are you?" "Well that's the thing, I don't feel well" "Oh? What's wrong?" "I don't know...but I need some advice" "Ok?" "I think this illness I'm feeling is something to do with Jake" "Jake? Why Ja-Huh! No! You didn't did you?!" "Just, try and keep your voice down ok?" "You slept with him didn't you?!" "Well, yeh. Kind of" "Kind of?! I can't believe you slept with him! That's great! Oh...you said your not feeling well" "I've got this kind of numb and slightly painful feeling in my stomach" "Are you pregnant?" "I cant be, I slept with him nearly 9 months ago, and if I WAS pregnant, I'd have a bump. There's nothing there" "You certainly dont LOOK pregnant, what do you think it might be then?" "I don't know...maybe an STI?" "Did Jake use protection?" "He told me he did, and I saw him pull the condom out of his pocket"

"But did you SEE him put it on?" "Uuhhh..." "Oh my god Y/N....you've got to be more careful" "I know, I know, I've learn't my lesson" "Ok, do you know what your going to do?" "I'm going to go to the local doctors in the old town, can you come with me?" "Of course, lead the way" As you and your friend walk into the old town, it's very quiet, hardly anyone was there. And it seems that the pains you were having, were about to get worse. "Ouch!" "What's wrong?" "I felt...it felt really sharp right hear. Why the hell did-OUCH!" You fall to your knees, holding your stomach as it gradually got more and more painful. "Oh my god! Y/N what do I do?!" "I-I don't know! Call-call my mum! Please call my mum!" Lacey takes her phone out while still rubbing your back, trying to help ease the pain as she calls your mum. "Hello?" "Mrs Castellanos?!" "Is this Lacey? Are you alright?" "No! Something is wrong with Y/N!" "What's happened?!" "She said she wasn't feeling well, and we were going to the doctor in the old town. But she's in so much pain! I don't know what to do!" "Where are you?" "By tapas alley!" "Stay there! I'm on my way!"

Lacey ends the call and is back with you again. "Should I call your dad?" "He won't answer, he's working right now-hhhsss! Ooowwww!" Just as you thought this pain was going to be too much, your mum parks her car right beside you both. "Y/N!" "MUM! It hurts so much! I'm scared" "It's ok baby! I'm going to take you to the hospital now! Lacey, sit in the back, I'll get Y/N in" Your mother drove like she was in a race, she was extremely worried about you. She practically demanded a doctor to see you when she brought you into the hospital. Thanks to her, they got you your own room and were seen too immediately. The pain wasn't stopping, and you had no idea what to do. Your mother was there by your side every step of the way, holding your hand when the doctor was trying to find out the cause of your pain. "Mrs Castellanos! We need to sit her up in a more comfortable position, now!" "Why?! What's happening to her?!" "Just please help me, the baby is about to come out!" Huh? Baby? What baby? You weren't pregnant? Were you? Your mother looked utterly shocked as she helped you sit up, what was she supposed to think? What were YOU supposed to think? "Y/N? Honey, your pregnant?" "I-I didn't know! I swear!"

Another pain comes, and you squeeze your mums hand for dear life. "Alright young lady! It's time to push! Hold your mothers hand and listen to me ok! Take a deep breath, and push!" Doing as she says, you push with all your might, it was excruciating. "That's it! The head is out! One more push and the baby will be hear! Take another breath now, and push!" Taking the biggest breath you can, you push one last time, harder than you had before. And within seconds, the instant relief washes over you, and the sound of a baby's cry fills the room. You were shocked by this whole moment. You had just given birth! You WERE pregnant! And now there was a baby, hear, in your arms. "Congratulations young lady, it's a healthy baby boy" The doctor said, you couldn't say a word, you just look at the baby in your arms, unable to say a thing. It's your mum who speaks first. "He's beautiful........Y/N...why didn't you tell me?" "Mum, I swear, I didn't know I was pregnant. I had no bump, no morning sickness, nothing" "How is that possible doctor?"

"I have seen this before, but it is extremely uncommon. It appears your daughter had what is known as a "Cryptic Pregnancy" In most cases, the pregnancy won't show a bump and a lot of women have not shown any sign of pregnancy until 20 weeks. However, there are the rare few that don't show or realise they are pregnant, until they actualy give birth. Studies show that around 1 in 2,500 pregnancies go unnoticed until delivery" The doctor checked your notes while your mum was still shocked by the whole thing. "Can I have a moment alone with my daughter please doctor?" "Of course, just press that button if you need help" Once the doctor left, your mum held the baby in her arms and started walking around with him, smiling at him. "Y/N.... this is....I don't know what to say" "I'm so sorry mum" "It's ok honey, I just want to know why you didn't tell me you were s#xually active? Your only just at the legal age. Is this why you've been distant lately? And why you've been having bad pains?" "Mum, it was just one time, I swear. And he said he wore a condom, I saw it and everything! I honestly though this was some kind of illness, or STI. And I was going to the doctor today to try and deal with it. I'm so so sorry, I know your angry with me"

"No Y/N, I'm not mad at you" "Your? Your not?" "No" she says calmly as she walks back to you and sits on the hospital bed, carefully placing the baby in your arms. "I'm not mad at you honey, your a teenager who was doing what teenagers do. I am angry that this boy didn't use protection. And I am angry that YOU didn't double check, or take any birth control before hand. But, what's done is done...and this is what's happened. You are holding a baby, your baby" "I know....it's strange....but nice....really nice" "There are a lot of choices you have to make honey, but there is one incredibly important question" "What's that?" "Y/N.....are you ready to be a mum?.......do you want to keep this baby?" "I....I know that looking at him...makes me feel this feeling I've never felt before. It's something I don't want to loose....I don't want to loose him. I know this is going to change my life forever mum, I really do understand......and I don't care if I won't sleep for the next 18 years, I dont care about anything else anymore. Just looking at him....he's perfect" "It's a feeling that only a mum can feel, and that's what your feeling. So? Are you going to keep him? Yes or no?"

"But what am I going to do for money for him?" "Don't worry about that just yet, I work from home anyway so I can help you out. You can rest up from having him first, bring him home, and me and your dad can go and get some things he will need. A cot, a buggy, formula, clothes ect. And once he's settled, you can go and look for a job to help pay for him" "Oh god! Dad! What am I going to tell him?! How do I explain this to him?!" "Y/N, it's alright, I'll go and talk to your dad and explain what has happened" "He's going to be so angry isn't he?" "There is a possibility his anger may be directed at this boy who is the father. You and your friend Lacey have spoken about a boy at school many times before, is it him? Is it Jake?" All you can do is nod, feeling ashamed of what you've done. But your mum just kisses your forhead, and looks down lovingly at her grandson. "He needs to know about this Y/N, do you have any way of contacting him?" "I have him on instagram, but he's not answered any messages I've sent him recently" "Sounds like a normal teenage boy to me then. Right, what's his full name? I'll find his mother online and contact her and Jake. But first, I need to go and speak to your father. Let's get the doctor back in hear and get this little guy weighed and checked over, and once your both ok, I'll pop out to the Solana and speak to your dad, ok?"

"Ok mum" Once she called the doctor back in and she did the weighing and checks on you and the baby, your mum called Lacey into the room and asked her to stay with you while she was gone. Lacey agreed and was more than happy to sit with you and the baby. "Awwww! He's so cute! And so small" "He looks small, but apparently he was 8 lbs 7 ounces" "Really? Woh! Aww but look at his little face. Can I hold him?" "Yeh sure, just sit in the chair though" "No problem" Carefully you place him in her arms, and her smile is beaming. "He's so tiny.....your so lucky Y/N....have you though of a name yet?" "I don't know, in the space of one day, I've discovered I was pregnant, gone through labour, had him, and now planning in my head how I'm going to take care of him for the rest of my life. A name right now is a bit tricky to focus on" "I can try and think I some names for you if you like?" "That would be nice, yeah. My mums gone to tell my dad, which is scary enough. But I'm more worried about what I'm going to tell Jake" "Oh yeh, I hadn't really thought about that. How do you think he'll take it?" "I have no idea, and that's the thing that's worrying me"

Meanwhile, your mum had just arrived in the Solana, where she saw Joyce at the front desk. "Oh hello dear! What brings you hear?" "Joyce, I'm afraid there is a family emergency, and I need to take Mateo from you" "Oh! Yes of course, I'll go and fetch him for you. It's a quiet day today so he's a spare member of staff anyway" "Thank you Joyce" 10 minutes later, Mateo and Joyce walks back to the front desk. "Hola mi amor! Miss Temple Savage said you have come to see me? Some kind of emergency?"

"Yes babe, come with me and I'll explain everything. Your going to need to sit down for this. She took him to a seating area outside the hotel, and explained everything from start to finish. Your pains, going into labour and being in the hospital right now with the baby. And it was safe to say, that Mateo was more than shocked, his mouth was wide open and his eyes focused on your mother. "She.......my daughter.....how?" "She said it was a boy she had a crush on, she's been so worried about me telling you babe" "My baby has her own baby....I can't believe it.....is she ok? Is she in pain?" "No, that doctors said she had no damage, and the baby came quite quickly. She's resting in the hospital with Lacey now"

"And.....who is this boy who got her pregnant? Cabron hijo de perra!" "Mateo! Language!" "I'm sorry mi amor, I must hate that he's left her like that on her own" "He doesn't know. Hell! She didn't know until she was in labour! Once she's ok, we'll contact this boy and his family, tell them what has happened" "Ok.....I still can't believe it....my daughter is now a mother. We have a grandchild?" "A grandson" "It's! It's a boy!" "Yes Mateo, and I think we should go and see if both our daughter and grandson are doing ok" "....yes..." "Mateo, let's just walk up there and try to take deep breaths ok?" "Yes, I think I have too" Back in the hospital, Lacey had given you back the baby so you could feed him, and the more you held him, the more your love for him grew. "How is it possible for me to love someone who's only been alive for no longer than an hour?" "It must be what they call mother's instinct" "Yeh, I think that's what my mum said too. I hope my dad didn't go insane over this" It was as if his ears were burning, because as soon as you said that, him and your mum came into the room and saw you. "Dad!......dad I'm so sorry, I swear I didn't know I was pregnant! I thought I was just unwell-and then the pains started-and he came out-and-"

You kept trying to tell your dad what was happening, but he just remained quiet as walked over to you and sat beside you. "I know it's going to be hard, but I can't let him go-I love him dad-I don't want to miss out in raising him and trying to be a good mum! I'm...I'm sorry..." Mateo didn't say a word, just looked into your eyes in a softening way. Resting a hand on the baby, he leaned over and kissed his little hand. "He's beautiful mi querida, I'm so proud of you" You burst into tears, you were so glad he wasn't angry with you, and you pulled him in for a tight hug, desperate to show how much you loved your dad. When you both pulled away, you even handed him the baby, letting him hold his grandchild for the first time. "Beautiful....our little grandson" a few days later, you were able to leave the hospital with your baby, and your mum and dad helped you bring him back home. Where they had bought everything he could ever need. Your mum loved having a baby around the house, and your dad...well your dad was being extremely over protective of you and the baby. He would be super gentle with him, and not let you lift a finger, not even to do cleaning or dishes. He absolutely adored your little boy, everyone did. Well....you say everyone....you still hadn't heard anything back from Jake, but that was about to change.

You were due to take the baby to the registry office tomorow, but you had yet to think of a name for him, you were still unsure. You had just got him chaged into a new baby grow after feeding him, when the doorbell went, and when your mum opened it, it was Jake! And his mother. "Jake? What are you doing hear?" "I've uhh...come to see the baby" "Our baby Jake" "Yeh, I guess so" It was a little awkward, his mum seemed thrilled to see the baby, and Jake just sat beside his mum, not knowing what to do. "He's beautiful Y/N, he looks happy and healthy. It's so wonderful to finaly meet my grandchild" "Thanks Faith. You can hold him if you like?" "Oh yes please" You hand the baby to Faith, and she is so delicate with him, you felt happy knowing he was being held by another trustworthy mum. "Oh he's beautiful. Don't you think Jake?" "Uhhh, yeh" "Yeh? That's all you've got to say?" "He's just a baby" "He's YOUR baby! That you and Y/N created together. You should be thanking Y/N and her family for taking such good care of him" "Why? I didn't ask her to get pregnant" Anger built within you. "Seriously Jake?! You told me you used protection! You lied to me, you can't blame this completely on me!" "It was just a fling Y/N, why should I have to-" Your dad smacked his hand on the kitchen table, definitely getting Jake's attention.

"You got my daughter pregnant....you have a responsibility now, weather you like it or not. Don't you DARE disrespect my daughter like this, when she has brought your baby into the world!" "I ain't disrespecting her, I just don't see why I should have to do anything. She's the mum now" His own mother hits him in the back of the head. "Yes! And YOUR the dad! You are my son! And you will look after this baby, because it's your responsibility, as much as it is Y/N's!" "You can't make me mum" "Oh yeh? You live under my roof, you will do as I say. You are going to finish school in a few months, then the second you finish, you will find a job and pay child support for your son!" "What? That's not fair! I don't want a job! I don't want to be held down by a baby" "Well tough! Maybe if you hadn't have lied to this young girl, and actually taken the right precautions, you wouldn't have to be doing this! But your baby is hear now! So suck it up!" Jake just scoffed, not liking that he has to grow up. He thought for a moment, then looked right at you and said "Fine, I'll help out a little if he's named after me" "Excuse me?" "Yeh, he's my boy, I want him to have my name" "Like hell he will" "What? I can choose his name if I want"

"You haven't bothered to see him by yourself for the last few days Jake. You only came because your mum made you, and your refusing to pay for him. Why in the world would I name my child after someone who doesn't want to be a part of his life?" "Because I want him to share my name" "He will...your last name. Legally your his dad, he will have your last name, but that's all. I will decide his name, I have been the one who had been taking care of our baby since he's been born, not you! My mum and dad have been there for me every step of the way, and you look like your fed up being hear. I mean for god sake Jake! You haven't even asked to hold him! He's right beside you in your mums arms, and you won't even look at him!" "Yeh? So?" "Get out! I mean it get out!" "Seriously? Your being so stupid kicking me and my mum out?" "Not your mum, just you! Get out!" "FINE!" And with a slam of the front door, he was gone, and the anger was staring to go away. "I am so sorry for my son's behaviour, he's acting like a child" "He's his own person Faith" You say sympathetically, she comes and sits over with you, aswell as your mum and dad too. Your mum hugs you around the shoulders, then Faith says "He's going to pay for child support, he won't have a choice. But until then, I'll send you and your family some money for him" "Faith, you don't have too" Mateo says.

"No, I want to, I insist. You've brought my grandchild into the world, and I want to try and support Y/N, the baby, and the rest of you as much as I can" Faith was such a lovely woman, let's hope that Jake does actualy realise the importance of the situation, and actually wants to be a part of his sons life.

You, your parents and Faith spent the remainder of that day spending time with the baby, and building those important bonds. And the next day, after Faith had dropped off some lovely baby clothes for you, you and your dad had made your way to the registry office. Your mum was busy looking for a new carseat, so your dad came with you instead. You knew that your dad wasn't particularly happy when he first heard the news about you and the baby, but the second he saw him, you knew life was going to be diffrent. Jake had been waiting at the office, and when he saw you, and your dad walking up as he was holding the baby, Jake just scoffed and walked in, looking like he didn't even want to be there. "Don't worry mi querida, you have all the support from me and your mother" "Thanks dad" Walking down the hallway and into the little office, Jake was already sat on one of the chairs, so you and dad take a seat too, with the registrar sat behind her desk. "Alright, do we have both parents for this lovely little boy?" "Yes" "Mhm" Jake just slumped in the chair, he could at least act like he cared. "Alright then, so firstly, you both are not married, is that correct?"

"Yes" "Alright, so the baby will take his birth fathers name, which is Brooks. Now, does he have any first and last names?" "Yes, he does have both" Again, Jake just scoffs, because he knew you didn't name the baby after him. "His first name is Lorenzo" "That's a lovely name miss L/N, let me just write that down. And his middle name?" "His middle name is Mateo" Your dad looked utterly shocked! He looked at you, tears welling up in his eyes. "Mi querida? Your giving him my name?" "Of course dad, you've been there for me and him. I want to show you how much that means to me" He couldn't help his joy, he pulled you in for a loving hug. "That's stupid!" Jake says defiently. "You wont name him after me? But you'll give him your dads? This is ridiculous!" "Please be quiet Mr Brooks. Miss L/N's parents, and YOUR mother did call ahead and explain the situation to me before hand, and you don't have the right to be so rude to the mother of your child" "I don't care, you can't make me like her. Just like you cant make me pay child support" "Oh....but the law can" "Huh?" "I'm sure your mother has already told you that you have a legal responsibility to this baby? Well she is correct. As soon as you turn 18, you are required by law to pay child support for your son" "Uuugghh!" It was like he was acting like a child who was being grounded, you hated that he behaved this way, especially with your baby right there in the room.

"If you could both sign the papers hear, little Lorenzo will be all done" Grabbing the pen, Jake signs the paper and just leaves, it really got to you. But your dad held your hand to comfort you, and the registrar tried to ease your worries. "Don't worry Miss L/N, I've seen worse dads waltz though hear. But I can tell your going to be a great mother to your son, and by the way your parents help you, I know you will have a great support network to get you through the tough times ahead" "Thank you" You smile a little and pick up your pen, signing the paperwork and being handed Lorenzo's birth certificate. "I hope you all have a good day" "Thank you" Mateo said as he takes you and Lorenzo out of the office and the building. You held your baby in your arms, seeing his beautiful little face, blue eyes and blonde curly hair, loving him more and more each second. "I am very honoured you decided on my name as Lorenzo's middle name mi querida" "It's something I wanted to do for a while now, and I also think it suits him. So...being a mother starts hear, with you.....Lorenzo Mateo Brooks....my little boy"

[virtualmentalitylove]

Dear reader, (i forgot hw many entries this is now)

Okay. SO much to say.

I got the job for RMIT, but I have to finalize the offer

I have to finish murder module for criminal law

Start writing economics essay

Okay so it has been one day and I have not yet started.

I don't know when I will die. Maybe it's today, maybe tomorrow. "So when my time comes to be my turn" "so when I go which I must do" I know for a fact that I will regret my life and my decisions. I'll regret living my life vicariously through the lives of others, watching media that leads to brain rot, caring about people that don't care about me. Choosing to live a sinful and meaningless life. Although, I believe in Christ, I feel as though i am not living my life for christ, but for the flesh. The wills of the flesh. I want to be better, so I am going to start a new way of life. No more watching news that I don't understand (I believe now it is the conflcit and drama I enjoy in my life to subsititue for me not having a social life). I honestly even don't know what they're talking about in the news. Todday I was lazy, I ate too much, I wasted my time and sinned against God.

here are some things I want to learn to become the person I believe I need to be:

I want to start studying properly. Taking my academic work seriosuly will please my Parents and make me more disciplined and a better person.

I want to start studying the bible, not just memorizing scripture, but understanding the context, the history, the intepretation and other ideologies that contradict Christianity.

I wanna study history (ancient, mythology, biblical history, everything). When I mean study I don't just mean learn about history from youtube. But understand the significance in our lives. Specifically war, South East Asian history, the history no one ever talks about.

Learn languages I can use; tagalog, malay, Japanese, spanish, French, Chinese (mandarin) and so many more.

Learn about politics (not just what's going on in the world) but learn about the mechanism, diplomacy, the treaties.

Agriculture

It's already 1:35am Saturday morning

I can feel my brain rotting. Right now I am alnguishing in my own pain and sufferig. I feel so tired, yet I want to do so much. I know in the future, whether it be tomorrow or next week or ayear from now. I will look back on this moment and think why didn't I just do something, Why didn't I just supress my laziness and try. I don't liek to think about this, because if I did then I would have to think about all those times where I sepnt hours on my phone, the hours eating food when I wasn't hungry and all those times I wasted in my whole life. So I Want to try. I want to be better, but sometimes I feel that I am too attached to the past, too afraid. I remeber as a kid I felt like I could do everything. I don't know what it was, I feel like it was this spark or this unexplainable optimism. Thta made me believe I could learn everything. As I got older I lost that spark. What I once thought were possible seems to not be. But the dreams I once had as a child is still with me, I know that all fo it is not possible, but at the back of my mind there's still hope. That my 12 year old self has always wanted.

I feel like I have wasted my life, my parent's life. I dont know why I feel this way. Somethings are left unsaid, the worst feeling is being unable to comprehend your own emotions. Why did my lfie lead to this. Why am I like this.

Let's dissect my life;

The negatives: I hav etaken on more than I could possibly imagine. all the classess and responsibility i don't want. Being stuck in the past, still thinking of people who have forgotten me. Being surronded by endless information all the poeple on the internet telling me how to feel and what to do with myself. I feel like I've lost my sense of self. Only seeing the world through a screen has definitley harmed my sense of self. I feel like I need a detox from the internet, social media, endless amounts of pornography and all the people whose opinions I honestly don't care about. Living my life through imaginations and not reality has harmed me the most. But nothing in the world has set me back then these words "I'll do it next time".

The positives: I have a a good family. No matter what I've always had them. Although they annoy me to the pint where I sometimes don't want to be in the house. I still love them. I have the unending word of God, guiding me through life. I have access to unlimited knowledge and technology that some poeple can only dream of. I can read any books, watch videos on history, chemistry. I honestly believe one of the reasons that I am so sensitive and weak is because I lack the knowledge. I believe that knowledge will better poeple. Maybe I should live by this.

More positives;

I am studying 2 different courses (2 Bachelor degrees + 1 associates degree)

I am on track to becoming more healthy and more aware of my physical health.

I started walking this year for the very first time

I just came back on holiday from Japan and Philippines 4 months ago

I cna be better I am going to be better because I ahve no choice anymore.

[sammy-the-haze]

I would love to hear more about your bisexual trans-alley Grandma. Has she told you stories about any of these people in her long list of lovers? I would love some 20th century sapphic memories.

Whether or not you feel comfortable sharing more about your grandmother, I hope you (and your grandma) have a lovely, beautiful day.

My nana! I forgot that I talked about her on here before but I’d love to share, I love talking about her. Before I start, I feel like I should add that when I said “long list of lovers” about her before, I was being a bit dramatic. But she does consider herself something of a heartbreaker. Anyways, here’s some of her stories from over the years.

There was a girl that went to her catholic school. The two of them used to climb trees together and they snuck around the tunnels under their school. They stopped eventually because they were found together and separated. My nana moved schools at the end of that year.

She talks more about a woman that she describes as “the best dancer she’s ever met.” They lived together in spain for a while (I’m not sure exactly on the timeline, but at least 2 summers) before she met my grandfather. They worked at a vineyard together. My nana would tell me of her when she drank red wine. They remained close several years after their relationship ended, only losing touch after she moved to the US. She told me once that she had promised not to tell the woman’s name, so I don’t know it. My nana refers to her as her “dance partner.” For years, she’d drink a bottle of red wine and sit on the back porch, where she could see the muscadine vines growing.

In my life, there was M. They shared an apartment on the beach. M was introduced to me as my nana’s roommate, on the instruction of my mother. This was the first of my nana’s girlfriends that my family met. They lived together until M had to go back to caring for her daughter, but visited each other a couple times a year for a long time. I don’t know why they lost touch, but upon M’s death, the daughter found and sent dozens of letters to my nana, postcards from all over the world. Until her age caught up with her in recent years, she was determined to visit all of these places.

In 2020, right before covid started hitting the US, I got to see her charm first hand. My family had gone to see a friend of mine’s band and my nana ended up talking to a woman that said she was in her early 40s. They exchanged phone numbers and hung out a few times before the woman left town. I’m unsure how serious their relationship was, but the woman tried to give a “let’s keep in touch” and my nana told her “if you’re going, then go” and they haven’t spoken again.

I never directly told her I was trans. I think my mother or sister did, as she knew my name and everything when I eventually did talk to her about it. I think it was the most nervous I’d ever seen her at that point in my life. She asked me if I was happier this way, as Sammy. I told her yes and she nodded like I’d confirmed something she’d been milling over and said okay. She still slips up, but less than most of my family (excluding my sister, who is awesome and hasn’t misgendered me in years), and only in English.

I was brought up with a little spanish but started seriously learning it in high school. I actually stuck with it and have been learning spanish (not super intensively) for over 5 years now. Every time I try to practice with her, she rolls her eyes and tells me I sound like an American and sounds words out for me.

She’s grateful that I’m trying to learn spanish but she doesn’t hide that she’s talking to me like I’m a baby every time. And in the same vein, I’m grateful that she’s trying to understand my gender and relationships, but I don’t hide from her that she still has a long way to go on some stuff.

She’ll be 84 in January but dont tell her I told you she’s a day over 75

[wyrmbone]

dear estrella,

its mexican independence day and im teaching myself spanish with every free resource i can find.

i miss you, sweet sister, and wish i could find you and talk to you about everything we’ve been through in the last 13 years since i last saw you. i have spent countless hours searching the web for any trace of you, to no avail. all of the dna testing websites everyone recommends cost money and these days i struggle to feed myself, but i save every penny i can in hopes of someday finding you once again. my white family adopted me and kept me from you, from our father, and now i cant even remember your last name. my mother has been dead for 6 years and our dad never married her so i cant look at marriage records to find you or our other siblings. i hope danny and alejandro and guadalupe are doing well, though all i can remember are first names.

i remember being ten together and drinking chocolate milk with beef tamales sitting in the living room floor of your house, and wishing we could be together more. i have a star shaped hole in my heart and i miss you very much. im so sorry i wasnt able to keep track of your phone number and keep in touch all these years, i had a very hard nine years after i moved out of california and have been struggling to make ends meet as an adult.

i long to know what our abuelo and abuelita were like before they died, and how our father is doing. i dont feel like i truly belong anywhere because of how alienated my white family has made me all these years, but im also scared your family wont accept me either as a trans person. i just hope you understand and are willing to accept me as your brother instead of your sister, at the very least. i will try to ask my grandfather if he remembers our dads last name the next time i call, but hes getting so old, feeble and hard of hearing that im not sure if he’ll remember it. i think its something like garcia, martinez or rodriguez but i cant say for certain. no matter what it is i want to find you.

ive never felt more alone than i do tonight while writing this, but a tiny light of hope flickers in my heart that i might find you in the future.

its mexican independence day and im teaching myself spanish with every free resource i can find in hopes of feeling closer to you, dear sister. i hope someday i can find a place where i feel i truly belong, and i hope you’re there, too.

lo siento mi hermana, i love you.