#my point is she's reacting in a way that I think probably isn't healthy

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

not to parasocial on main but I Am Worried About Her!

[antianakin]

I love the No Palpatine AU! (Idk what else to call it) I kind of want to know how they would react to the canon universe and vice versa.

Everything is just so chill in the AU universe while it seems like everything has gone wrong in the canon universe. They would wonder what exactly makes this universe so different from theirs until someone brings up Palpatine and they are just like: "The senator who fell down the stairs???"

I wonder if being around an emotionally healthy Anakin would make canon Padme, Obi-Wan and Ahoska realise that canon Anakin is kinda messed up. Especially if they told him some of the things he's done and he's like: "um, no offense, but that's pretty fucked up"

Haha, I definitely hadn't considered the idea of my AU versions of characters meeting canon ones lol, this'll be a first for me.

So I'm assuming that we're working primarily with the first option for the No Palpatine AUs where TPM canon goes primarily the exact same way except Palpatine dies real quick before Padme can show up on Coruscant with Anakin in tow. With that in mind, I think the reactions you'll get to how different Anakin is will vary depending on when in the timeline they're meeting and who exactly is meeting each other.

Obi-Wan, for example, doesn't actually KNOW most of the worst shit Anakin's done. Like the worst stuff Obi-Wan knows Anakin's done has been to lose his temper a bit, be reckless sometimes, and not always follow orders. It's not THAT particularly heinous, and I imagine the AU Anakin still has a temper sometimes (most of the Jedi DO get angry sometimes, they just work at controlling it really well and most probably struggle with it more when they're younger anyway) and still has the tendency to be a bit reckless when he wants to be. His problems with authority and following orders have sort-of been transformed into a desire to take down EVIL authorities like the Hutts rather than a dislike of the Jedi Council. He gives his respect to authorities who have EARNED his respect.

But I think that Obi-Wan throughout most of canon up until Order 66 believes that Anakin might struggle with some stuff that a lot of young Jedi probably do struggle with, but that he will ultimately overcome it, too. He doesn't realize how DEEP that struggle really is, nor does he know some of the awful things Anakin's actually done or how far he's strayed from the Jedi way. So his comparison to the AU Anakin is probably going to come from that particular perspective if they're meeting pre-Order 66. He might see AU Anakin as more just like... what canon Anakin will ultimately one day be able to achieve. Perhaps the AU version got there faster because his world isn't at war or something, canon Anakin is dealing with a different situation, but he'll get there eventually, he's never let Obi-Wan down before after all.

If they're meeting AFTER Order 66, then yeah, I think he's going to have a lot of feelings about AU Anakin doing so well and isn't going to be particularly shocked that Palpatine never even MET Anakin and that he died very early. He's not going to need to realize canon Anakin is messed up though, that part's kind-of obvious already lol.

Ahsoka I think might land in a similar boat since her knowledge of Anakin is so limited. If we decide the TOTJ training is canon, then that little tidbit could get revealed and wow AU Anakin would have SO SO MUCH to say about THAT. AU Anakin might have something to say about Ahsoka being like "most people would be shocked to realize how kind he was" too lol. Like he hopes he NEVER gets to a point where people are legitimately shocked that he's KIND. If Ahsoka gets the chance to just spend some time with AU Anakin without canon Anakin around, she might come to a few realizations of her own, but I think she'd also feel really guilty about making the comparison and potentially finding canon Anakin wanting, so she might not say or do anything about it.

Padme meeting an emotionally healthy Anakin could be a VERY interesting one because out of the three people Anakin has the closest relationships with, Padme's the one who knows how far he's fallen and has convinced herself that it's fine and no big deal. What might be equally as interesting is AU Anakin looking at canon Padme and just being SO concerned for her because she's got glimmers of the Padme he knows (whether they're in a relationship or decided they worked better as close friends, both work) but she's... fragile. Shattered and badly melded back together in a way his Padme isn't. This Padme is so lonely and so unhappy in ways she won't even recognize and hearing Padme excuse canon Anakin's treatment of her, realizing that Padme broke her own vows in order to enter into a forbidden marriage with someone who doesn't even seem to respect her much just breaks his fucking heart. This isn't his Padme, this Padme was broken long before she got married to canon Anakin, and the toxic relationship she's now in is just a symptom of that.

I'm not sure Padme would really come to any realizations of her own given that canon Padme literally hears Anakin advocate for dictatorship and fascism and decides to pretend that it was just a joke because it's easier to deal with. I think she'd find a way to explain away AU Anakin's differences in a similar way, despite the fact that she, more than anybody, should be able to really feel the difference between her Anakin and this healthier one. If she DID come to any realizations about Anakin, I think she'd convince herself that she didn't, that she was mistaken.

And of course, there's always the question of what happens when Anakin meets Anakin. I'd like to say that AU Anakin just kicks canon Anakin's ass, but he's supposed to be emotionally healthy, so he doesn't. He recognizes how canon Anakin got to where he is, he can tell exactly which issues of his have gone rancid and twisted in Anakin to make him the kind of person he is. AU Anakin would so desperately want to help canon Anakin as someone who can really understand exactly what's making Anakin tick. If he can manage to figure out that Palpatine is the issue and bring that information to the Jedi, that could potentially help, depending on when in the timeline this is happening. AU Anakin might be able to get away with taking out Palpatine in a way the other Jedi can't if they can pull off some kind of deception. AU Anakin managing to fulfill the prophecy instead of canon Anakin is actually incredibly hilarious to me. Like the Force chose Anakin, but then realized that this particular one was just going absolutely sideways and so dicked around and brought in an AU Anakin that actually went well but never had a Sith Lord to eliminate of his own.

I could probably go on and on here about like... an AU Ahsoka meeting canon Ahsoka at different points in her life or an AU Padme meeting canon Padme, or how AU Padme reacts to canon Anakin and stuff like that, but this post has gotten long as it is, so feel free to send another ask if you want me to just keep going like this lol.

[harukamitsuki]

I'm procrastinating writing at the moment, so I decided to create a list of the things I hate about Voltron, a show I can't help but love and rewatch 200+ times. I mean. I've been pretty damn vocal about one thing in particular, but I should probably remind people I hate other things too so...

This list will be long, so read more under the cut!

1 - Okay, let's just get the obvious one out of the way: Lance. Reasons why can be seen here, here and here. The first link really goes into the details, the second one is more confusion as to why people think Lance is treated the worst, and the last is more why Lance would be horrible as Black Paladin. MOVING ON TO NEW POINTS!

2 - The ships. Specifically... ahem... Klance, Sheith, Allurance, Lotorance (Lotor/Lance), Shidge (Shiro/Pidge), Shance (Shiro/Lance). Those, in my opinion, are the top offenders. I've explained my grievances with Sheith in a post here. It's not that it's paedophillia, it's the bond. As for the rest, while I dabbled a bit in Klance and Allurance in the aforementioned posts against Lance, I've yet to actually explain.

First of all, the fans are awful. Tip: If you keep trying to force people to like your ship instead of letting them get to their own conclusions, they're just going to hate that ship even more. This isn't a Voltron-specific thing, but it's still rampant.

Second of all, Lance doesn't treat either of them well. He's constantly antagonising Keith, even when Keith stops biting back in season two. The closest he gets to respecting Keith is telling him to suck it up when he's upset that the Black Lion chose him. Keith does try to be amicable to Lance, but it doesn't work because Lance is always picking a fight.

And Allura. Lance is constantly ignoring her boundaries and invading them. There isn't a single moment where they're alone together and they feel like friends, much less pining, before season seven. The only time is when Allura encourages Lance to take up Red, and he didn't even notice she was upset that Red rejected her. In fact, Lance just keeps talking about himself and how he was rejected, ignoring how Allura was rejected twice, and by the Lion her father piloted. Allura also never reacts well to Lance's flirting, always ignoring him and frowning when he does. If Allura, at least, used to laugh at his terrible attempts at flirting, maybe I could try to believe it.

Third, general grievances with these ships.

Lotorance. Lance hated Lotor from the get-go. They barely have a scene together without Lance glaring at him. If they shared some sort of chemistry outside of Lance hating him from afar, and if the writers didn't make Lotor a twist villain for no reason, then maybe. As of now, I only like it as a complete crack ship.

Shidge. Pidge is fifteen. Shiro is twenty-five. You do the damn math.

Shance. I can definitely see Shiro being Lance's bi awakening, if I believed canon Lance was bi. (Canon Lance was straighter than a chopping board, but fanon Lance is a walking bi flag). But them being together? Ignoring that Lance is 17 and Shiro is 25, if you can do that, it wouldn't feel like a healthy relationship. Lance is blinded by hero worship and, from his canon personality, he likely wouldn't realise if Shiro isn't faring well or would just constantly pile his troubles onto him without thinking about if Shiro could handle it. So, yeah, don't like this ship.

So, yeah. I don't like any of the popular ships, which is surprising. I don't hate all of them. I do like Kallura, (should have been canon), and Shallura, (surprising, because I really do like gay!Shiro), and Shunk, (who doesn't, honestly?). But I tend to prefer the nicher ones. Katt (Keith/Matt), Heith (Hunk/Keith), Hance (Hunk/Lance)...

3 - The writing. Usually, I would respect the writers because it's hard as fuck to plan and write an entire series, but they just kept missing. They would set up so many interesting plots and ideas, only to do absolutely nothing with them. This, in and of itself, is not enough to make me lose respect, but that's not all. Plot holes, terrible escalations, too slow pacing, (slow burns are good - great, even - but not when things are supposed to be happening), horrible romances... It's to the point where, for a long while, I avoided the show and only read the fanfiction. There are so many people who don't watch the show, only exposed through fanfiction and social media posts, because the writing just isn't good.

The writers get things right few times. I'm sorry, but if your entire job is to write a coherent, well-thought out story, why did they do such a bag job at it? I'll tell you why - they let the fans control what they did. Shiro was never supposed to come back. He was supposed to die at the end of season two and never come back, but the fans wanted him back so guess what? The writers brought him back! In doing so, they cut right into Keith's character arc and made him go through it off-screen. The fans built Lance up as the main character and fan-favourite? Well, the writers just decide to hand him everything. Reward him for being the fan-favourite and then ruin his character by never making him work for what he got.

The writers decide to pull a J.K.Rowling and went 'aw, yeah, Lance is bisexual!' despite him never showing an interest in a guy throughout the entire show, other than being a big fan of Shiro. They throw in gay!Shiro at the literal last minute with some background character who only ever had one line. Thanks, DreamWorks. It's not like you could've just let Adam live so Shiro could be going home to SOMEONE.

Unexpected things always happen. An actor being unavailable, a sudden irl event making it so the episode you planned would appear tone-deaf, the joke you wrote was less funny and more offensive... So on and so forth. Sometimes you have no choice but to change what you have planned because delaying it would just make the studio and the fans mad. Just... TRY to make it make sense. And don't fold to the fans, dammit. Shiro should have stayed dead because he just doesn't do anything when Allura and Keith saved him. The main character should have stayed as an ensemble, rather than pushing Lance as the central focus, because it would have left less reasons for me to hate Lance and give other, specifically Hunk, the development they deserved.

The show also never adresses traumatising shit, (*cough cough* Keith's sacrifice attempt *cough cough*), but that can be forgiven because it was aimed at children. I do, however, like that LM corrected an interviewer when they asked about Keith 'attempting to kill himself'. It was quickly corrected to 'sacrificing himself' because that's what it was! I'm sick of people acting like he was suicidal because he wasn't. He was actively scared of what he was going to do, i.e. sacrifice his life for everyone's sake. He tried to do it for the greater good. Would you call one of the many who died during wars suicidal? No. You would call them noble and heroic for their sacrifice, because that's what they are. That is what Keith was trying to do. He saw the only way out and decided one life in exchange for the many is a damn good deal and took it. Saying he was depressed and suicidal is undermining the actions he took.

So, yeah. In my eyes, the writers did two good things. Correcting the mistake belief that Keith was suicidal, and creating this shit-fest of a show. (God, I love/hate Voltron).

4 - How Pidge is treated by the fandom. Pidge is so mean. She's rude and callous and selfish and that's okay. What's not okay is acting like these traits make her a queen. She's rude, fine. She's callous, fine. She's selfish, fine. She's incredible for this? Um, no? Stop treating her like she's just sassy. She's mean. I mean, not long after Shiro's death/disappearance, she calls Keith, who is mourning Shiro so deeply, a 'loner'. Without even getting to know him. She just deems him a loner, even though Keith is just so genuinely kind?

Don't get me wrong. I love Pidge. She's great and she's an absolute joy to write. I admire her tenacity in trying to find her missing family members while also able to put the universe before them. Watching her break down about Matt when she thinks he's dead is so utterly heartbreaking because I really did like her.

But acting as if she's perfect because of this? No way.

(Also, I refer to Pidge as 'she/her' only in these posts. I much prefer gender neutral or trans Pidge.)

5 - Hunk's treatment. He deserved SO MUCH BETTER! This sweet, precious boy. He's the only one who reacted approppriately to becoming a child solider. He's an anxious, terrified kid and he's still able to swallow that fear and fight on because there are people, people like Shay, who have no idea what freedom means and if the sky is blue.

He's the only one who has to find and fight for his family when they get back to Earth, which makes me sad. Very sad. He cares so much about his friends. Even if he's scared, he'll still put himself in danger for them.

But the narrative treats him like garbage, reducing him to the comedic, fat joke, while Lance never treats him like a best friend. He deserved so much more than what he was given.

6 - The people in charge were so obsessed with doing every character dirty. They wanted to keep Shiro death, wanted to kill Keith after admitting to not knowing where they were going with him, tried to kill Hunk who did nothing wrong to deserve this, and actually killed Allura off when they realised Allurance would not work in the long-term because Lance would not be able to part from Earth for so long while Allura would not be able to stay confined to Earth at all.

7 - Lance fans would hate him if he was white.

[hekateinhell]

this is from a while ago but you mention on that poll about armand's love interests you have a few different ways you interpret the blood communion speech armand gives lestat about loving him. i'm curious what your takes are, if you don't mind sharing :) as a daniel/armand shipper, i've always read a lot into the fact daniel isn't name-dropped - as though he's an exception or what they have is something more than just love... though the out of universe explanation is probably just he was forgotten (also apologies if you answered this before and i missed it)

Actually, I know I talk about Lestat and Armand a lot and I've certainly spoken about that scene plenty, but I don't think I've broken down my various interpretations in post form before. I don't mind sharing but remember, you asked! ♥️

I have four basic interpretations, the first of which I use for meta purposes and the others for headcanons/fic as needed.

Interpretation 1: Armand does love Lestat the most. This is the canon read and the one I default to because it's quite literally in the text. I know with VC we tend to selectively 'read between the lines' (I'm guilty as hell), but there's also times where Anne meant exactly what she wrote and I do find it extremely consist with Armand's characterization up to this point.

I'm not saying it's necessarily a healthy love, or even a romantic one though! In my opinion, it's at least in part related to the fact that Lestat's almost always present when Armand's going through some of the most traumatic events in his life (neither of them exhibit anything close to a healthy attachment style). Because these are not two mutually exclusive things, I do tend to read them as having more of an all encompassing, soul-connection type of love. Both can be true.

From 'does anyone else know the size of your soul?' to 'in my wanderings, I always return to you' to 'I have loved you more than any being in all the world whom I’ve ever loved' -- Armand simply does not talk to or about anyone else like this in canon. The depth and intensity of Armand's love for Lestat has been a very persistent thread since TVL through to BC and it seems to be rooted in a genuine passion and appreciation for Lestat's character, flaws and all (because oh boy, can Armand list them all or what?).

I adore them as a ship, but this is not the scene in BC that has me kicking my little legs with glee (honestly, I find it tragic for all involved):

“Fool,” he said again. His voice was roughened now by emotion he couldn’t suppress. “I have always loved you,” he said. “I have loved you more than any being in all the world whom I’ve ever loved. I have loved you more than Louis. I have loved you more even than Marius. And you have never given me your love. I would be your most faithful counselor, if you allowed it. But you don’t. Your eyes pass over me as if I don’t exist. And so they always have.”

“I hate you as much as I have ever loved you,” he said. [...]. I understand the very definition of ‘hate’ when I think of you.” ~ Armand, BC

Like, it's heartbreaking! I don't want this like this! Your ask is related to Armand's POV and I've already posted at length how the text (and Anne) very clearly states that Lestat does, in fact, love Armand very much so I won't get into that further here, but... yeah, yikes. I want better for Armand, I want Louis. 🤧

I'm sad now.

Interpretation 2: Armand does not love Lestat more than Louis, Marius, (or Daniel). This seems to be the more popular read and I totally get why, and I can work with it in theory!

If Armand wanted to shock Lestat back to life and into reacting and doing something about the situation, throwing Louis's and Marius's names around seems like a decent bet. Loving Louis and Marius deeply is something that Lestat can understand, it's something he and Armand have in common; it's yet another thing that bonds them together for better or worse.

Daniel isn't anyone particularly special to Lestat, what would be the point in Armand bringing him up at a time like this? He's a cunning guy, he's choosing his words carefully.

Interpretation 3: Armand's straight up traumatized and broken thinking Marius and Louis are dead and gone, and he's desperately trying to cling to Lestat for dear life because he's the only one he has left (channel Anne and forget about Daniel for a second here). Unfortunately, all their issues that have been festering and compounding since 1791 rear their ugly head and explode rather spectacularly.

What you get is a combination of 'I love you more than anyone; I hate you more than anyone.'

RIP.

Interpretation 4: Armand loves Daniel most of all. And I think I typically tie it into the second one. Yes, Armand loves Daniel more than Lestat, Louis, and Marius. No, he's not going mention him to Lestat for reasons listed above and/or he's not going to downplay his love for Daniel like that. He's a gentleman!

Bonus Interpretation 5: Anne forgot Daniel, plain and simple; I waste years of my life.

All that being said, I don't think Armand walks around with a hierarchy in his head of everyone he loves. He obviously has an abundance of love to give and he loves so fiercely! Pick your read and run with it, I sure do ;)

[skania]

Do you think kana would be perfect for aqua once he tells her everything and heals from his trauma? Kana is light his bright shining star and kana long term crush on aqua will be a good payoff for once. Akane will probably see that kana is best for him and help them get together? I see fans theorize on this and I want to hear your opinion

I typed a reply to this and Tumblr lost it! 😭

I'll also replying to these here because they're all Aq/Kan related:

I'd also like the chance to clarify something. I'm not here to convince anyone that Aqua/Kana won't happen! It could very well happen! A part of me is expecting it to happen,not because it'd be the best outcome but because it's the most predictable one lmao

So yeah, I'm not here for that and I'm not interested in doing so either. I'm here to talk about Akane, Aqua and AquaKane and all the reasons why they won me over and why I personally find them much more satisfying!

Forgive me for the PSA anons, I'm answering these but I need to redirect my agenda to the ship I actually ship lmao

To summarize what I wrote before Tumblr ate my reply, of course there are theories like those because it's the most obvious reading of the manga. If you take every Aqua and Kana interaction at face value, it's natural to come to that conclusion. And they could very well be right, maybe Aka is subverting expectations by making us think he is above going for the obvious, only to do exactly that. It's possible! The ships in Kaguya were blatantly obvious, too.

Except. And here is the big thing. Aka has already written a character that approaches love in the same way Kana does. This character is Maki. She was in love with a boy but never did anything about it. The consequence? The boy started to like her best friend and pursued her. What did Maki do? Nothing. The boy and her best friend started to date, a casual relationship turned to love, and Maki did nothing but mope pretty much exactly like Kana. Was Maki's love rewarded at the end? No, because Aka portrayed her inaction as wrong.

Now, the main difference between Kana and Maki is that Aqua may very well be into her, too. But the rest of the picture remains the same: lack of action from Kana, a complete lack of development between them, etc., while Aqua and Akane have gone through like 10 different relationship stages in that same amount of time, growing closer each time.

So which road you find most rewarding depends on which road you personally think has been more developed in the manga. Same goes for whether you think Kana would be perfect for Aqua; I think that at the surface, the manga wants the reader to get that impression. But is she really? Kana is too naive. Whenever Aqua manipulates her, she blindly falls right into it. She wears her heart on her sleeve; this may be refreshing to Aqua, but it also puts Kana at a clear disadvantage because he knows exactly what to say and do to get her to react exactly how he wants her to. Would theirs be a relationship between equals? Right now, I'm not sure I can see it.

But you know what? It's actually impossible to know how Kana would fare around Aqua, the whole Aqua, because we have simply never seen it. Aqua's darkness has always been kept from her. And the scenario you're painting here involves a perfectly healthy Aqua, but he may never be like that. I am definitely hoping he heals and I'm sure he will heal, but that won't magically erase everything he has gone through. Is Kana equipped to deal with that? Maybe, maybe not. We won't know until Aka actually allows her to see all of Aqua.

So all in all, my thoughts are that it's kind of pointless to worry about this. You either enjoy Aqua/Akane's dynamic more or you don't. There isn't a right answer, it's subjective.

I have no thoughts about this lol Akane was just trying to reassure Aqua, she had no idea that Aqua had never done emotional acting before because at this point, she was only getting to know him. Akane isn't the type to force her way through without first having a clear understanding of what is going on inside the person.

Once she sees how he acted in the past, Akane figures it all out and gets to the heart of the matter. What does Aqua act for? Why does he want to act in the first place?

And she doesn't settle for Aqua not giving her a straight answer.

Ai was Ruby's light too. Was Ruby in love with Ai?

In this manga, being someone's light doesn't have to be romantic. Now, I'm not saying Aqua's feelings for Kana aren't romantic; like I've said a bunch of times, the in-your-face reading of the manga is that they are.

I'm saying that Kana being Aqua's light doesn't automatically mean she's his one true love, because being a light for someone isn't an inherently romantic concept in this manga.

As for whether Aqua was "forcing" himself to think he would be better off with Akane...

Aqua dated Akane because he wanted to and he stayed with Akane because he wanted to; because she did him good. Aqua's actions show a dedicated boyfriend who literally calls his girlfriend every night.

But Aqua's happiness was built on Aqua deliberately turning his eyes away from the truth about Kamiki. Rather than face the music, Aqua ran away. Same goes for his bond with Kana. Instead of having a honest talk with her, Aqua let his trauma get the best of him and simply cut her off his life.

I think deep down, Aqua was aware that he was running away. But by running away, he was able to spend his days in relative peace. So even when Gotanda spelled out the truth to him, Aqua couldn't find it in himself to stop running.

Of course, this is only part of what weights Aqua down during his "freedom" period. I believe another thing that weights Aqua down is that he hasn't told Akane that he is Goro. Despite all the truths he has told her, he is still hiding this from her, and we know for a fact that he sees this as him "deceiving her."

All of this, coupled with Aqua's inherent trauma which shapes itself into thinking: Do I even deserve to be happy? shackle Aqua to the past he is desperately trying to run away from.

But this is such an interesting topic that it probably deserves its own post lol

[cvbullshit]

Now that Yandere Dev is dead in the water and his game is as deep in the sand as he is.. I, a random person on the internet, vote that we as a community take the concept of Yandere Simulator and make it into something better!

Because the concept IS decent, just the execution needs work... A lot of work.

Everyone should have their own ideas for it so Imma say my vague concept that I probably won't ever bring up again.

For my new take on the concept, for one, almost all the main characters are actually going to be adults. It's stated that they already are but that's bullshit that Yandere Dev clearly used to justify some in game bullshit, they're in fucking high school, maybe one could be 18, but not fucking all of them.

Second, I might replace Ayano with some demonic or otherworldly being that's not exactly in love with Taro but heavily obsessive and interested in him, possessive even. Because honestly, while the point of the story IS a Yandere school girl, that topic has been milked to absolute death and is prone to get boring as hell. Plus, it's my idea to rewrite the story, I can take it as far as I damn want!

If Ayano is a demonic being in this, possibly Taro could be in this occult team/club/gang/cult so that way Ayano has REASON to be interested and connected to him.

Taro, in this rewrite, is a complex person. He's a nice guy, lives alone with and takes care of his 13 year old sister after his dad ditched them and he kiiiinnnda murdered his mom for the cult he's in and because he just disliked her. Yeah, Taro ain't no goodie two shoes bland mf now! He may be nice, treats his sister well, and partly believes he's a good person but he's in a cult, is willing to murder people who he thinks deserves it or anyone who threatens to find out about his crimes, and he supports cannibalism, under the right circumstances though. He still comes off as, and kinda is, a nice guy who wants to help people in any way he can, real protective of his friends and whom he dubs as innocent. He's got the mentality of wanting to see half the world burn and half the world blossom, he wants all those he thinks are bad or beyond helping to suffer while he wants the ones he believes are innocent to live happy and healthy lives.

Him and Ayano's dynamic is something I'm still thinking about honestly, as while rewriting the other characters is somehow easy, rewriting Ayano is just a pain for me somehow, it's hard to really rewrite anything about her and I don't know why. I may keep her emotionless thing going on though, not sure.

For Taro's sister, she's a slightly bratty newly teen, is very attached to her brother as he's the only family she has left but isn't overly affectionate with him, if anything, she's the most bratty with him. She doesn't expect too much from him and doesn't believe she can pout or whine to get her way but slightly does so to be petty and because Taro doesn't really react negatively to it... Yet. She has no idea what happened to her mom, just views her as missing, and has no idea Taro is in a cult. To her, she's got a normal life, despite her mom going missing and viewing her dad as the biggest jackass alive.

Taro and Osana's relationship and meeting is pretty different in this, Osana won't be Taro's childhood friend, I'll be giving that to someone else, instead Osana is a girl living in an apartment building, cooped up in her apartment and barely interacting with the outside world. After a stalking and obsessive situation she was the victim of, leading to the death of her cat, she swore she'd never trust the world again. Her apartment is a mess as she has no friends, she cut off her family, and she has no one to even talk to, she could technically be counted as a slob but at least she keeps herself clean. She hates the world and especially has issues with men.

When she meets with Taro for the first time, she wants absolutely nothing to do with him, constantly is mean to him, insults him, ect. Taro would've not dealt with her after their first interaction but learns what a state she's in from the apartment building owner and vows to try to help her and be kind to her. Why? Because he feels bad for her... And because he accidentally ran over a cat so he feels the need to feel better about himself, using the excuse of trying to prove to the world or some higher force that he can still be a good person. So...

I will leave it there! My ramblings went off the rails and this is only a concept that I have no idea I'll even touch on again.

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Rhythm i am fine thank u for asking, I’d give u cuddles too. I might come off of anon soon someday !! If i feel it hehe

and if king Chris can give me cuddles that would be nice of him. :(

To distract both of us from adulting

1) princess giving birth !! How would things go after she got the two pups lix and minnie out ? How would chris react to his wife’s weak state, would he panic? And how would they react seeing their pups for the first time ;( ☹️☹️

I think chris would say sth like “the pups look like they belong in my beloved’s arm.”

2) pretty wearing baby pink coquette lingerie! Ik wereroomies chris loves black and burgundy lace but if she wore blush pink or sth in soft lace and silk!! And maybe wore a white ribbon in her hair !! Or a white sheer babydoll 🤨

(Basically channel her inner princess reader)

It could be like a Chris got promoted so she surprises him by wearing these at night, whether or not they plan in getting sexy. She makes dinner in these things, or watches him make dinner while she reads a book. Or cockwarms him. BYEEE!

- 🐧

i just got to this, and i'm telling you, penguin... i'm dizzy, this is making me dizzy 😩

Thoughts.... so many

like.... i feel like princess might've had a difficult time giving birth. having twins is difficult on its own, but having WEREWOLF twins??? must be even more so.

she was probably in labour for hours, in pain, to the point where she started crying out of frustration because "i want them out!! get them out, please!!" and Chris will be all distressed seeing her in so much pain, to the point where he starts to briefly consider not getting her pregnant ever again.

but that's not really what she wants, she's just in pain, you know?

the moment the pups do come out, she's just so relieved, heart so full feeling her children against her skin. and Chris is just.... over the moon. he knew she would make it, she is his perfect mate, she was made for him in every single way, so of course she would be able to birth his children.

seeing her, seeing his pups, there, whining and writhing a bit in her hold made him just so proud. that's the love of his life and his beautiful healthy children and he's just... enamoured. he almost cries when he had to cut the cords, but he kept the tears in because no one but his wife can see him like that and the midwives were there >:(

in any case, the recovery process was surely a long one. you bet your ass Chris made sure his precious wife didn't move a single finger. there was an army of maids and midwives helping her in every way they could, until she was strong enough for chris and her to care for their cute little pups on their own :(((

i'm sure our King just loved being present at all times. he kept his duties to a minimum for as long as he could, and you know he had regained her strength enough to resume their feedings (he, sadly, decided to stop when he saw how tired she was after giving birth. he wanted his milk but every ounce of her energy needed to be reserved for his pups so he reached a compromise with himself )))): )

NOW. ABOUT PRETTY AND CHRIS....

it's true he loves the darker lingerie, but, realistically, AS IF this man isn't going feral for his pretty girl in any and every possible colour???

the white and pink will trigger something in him, though... like, it'll probably make him want to ruin her even more than he already does. it'd probably remind his inner wolf of all those times she's dressed like an innocent, defenceless bunny, and he'll just.... salivate like the horny dog he is.

atp he doesn't even question why she'd be dressed that way, if there's a reason or no reason at all. you just know that the moment he spots his pretty baby all dolled up, anything else he was going to do is pushed aside. it's Praise and Worship time.

if there's something he can't get away from doing, then he will have her cockwarming him for as long as he's got to be focused on the task )):

occasionally kneading one of her breasts, or pinching her nipple, just overall touching her all over... and the second he can have his full focus back on her, he's Focused.

orgasm galore. an evening of just the alpha couple doing nothing else but each other <33

[ozpins-halfway-house]

1 and 6 for HH! Ironwitch

And 8 and 13 for HH! Cloqwork

uwu enjoy bestie

Glynda: [reading] "Who fell in love first?"

James: [raises his hand] That would be me. Head over heels. And I'm not ashamed.

Glynda: And I admire that about you.

James: Yes, well [clears throat], "what everyday object or activity reminds you of each other?"

Glynda: Hm... That one's trickier. Probably cooking. James is a surprisingly good cook.

James: I will choose to ignore the "surprising" part and take that as a compliment.

Glynda: [smirking] As well you should.

James: For Glynda, I think it's actually her shoes. When I come home and see them by the door, I know she's already there, safe and sound. I find comfort in it.

Glynda: That's extremely sweet, I was not expecting that answer.

James: Now that's a surprise I'll take credit for.

Qrow: [reading] "Do you get along with each other's family and friends?" Well, yeah. I don't have any friends outside of this place, and Oz gets along really well with my family. Although, that's not surprising. Oz gets along with everyone.

Mr. Oz: That's not entirely true. Mr. Watts would probably strongly disagree with that statement.

Qrow: What are you talking about? You two made up ages ago. He was just here the other day.

Mr. Oz: [shrugs] I digress. But yes, Qrow makes quite the impression on family and friends. My parents sure did take to you quite quickly.

Qrow: Yeah..... guess they did.....

Mr. Oz: [reading] "Does your relationship have the potential to be toxic, if it is usually healthy?" Well that's rather morbid [chuckles].

Qrow: Fuck, you got me. I don't even know how to make up an answer to this.

Mr. Oz: Well, I think all relationships have the potential to go sour at some point, even going so far as to become toxic if one isn't careful. But it depends on how the couple reacts that determines if they'll be able to get through it.

Qrow: But..... Do you..... Do you think we'd be able to- you know- get through it?

Mr. Oz: Given what we've already been through...... I think we'd find a way to recover....

[risenwraith]

#56 Twelve things that will get me through Chemo (because I say they will.)

So, the doctors would like me to do six sessions of chemo, but they say depending on how I react (if badly) it may only be four or even two – which obviously is far less satisfactory in the ‘never having to worry about this shit again’ stakes. That means this is going to be an endurance game. I am going to win because my reserves of spite and bloody-mindedness are deeper than the Mariana Trench. Also, because I’m not above cheating, I have a list of charms that will get me through...

Cadbury’s Milk Chocolate Little Bars. (Thin milk chocolate that tastes like childhood.) Do I even know if I can eat these when ill? No idea. Will the simple thought of them sustain me? Yes.

Several audio books, including: The Locked Tomb Series (utterly mental, only just stared it and it's insane but good), Sandman (amazing AF - the audio is as good as the comics and and better than the NF series, that's saying something), Johannes Cabal (really good fun pulp fiction), Piranesi (so dreamy and strange AF), A Darker Shade of Magic (doom upon magical world-walking doom), Nettle & Bone (not read yet but sounds great), and Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrel (Regency magicians. A little Austin, a little historical, a little faerytale, a long read or listen but it will enchant you either way and you'll never be free.)

Ginger chews for sugar and anti-nausea properties. Also they are tasty and the packaging rocks.

Anti-nausea wrist bands. It's very basic acupuncture / pressure point without needles, but it works very well.

Warm socks and flompy comfy clothes (Yes I have those slippers, no I probably won't take them to hospital, but you get my point.)

Cats, and plush purple cats. Only the small purple ones can come to the hospital, obviously, but I know the real ones will sleep on me as soon as I’m home. (This isn't Spindle or Treacle, I feel I should start some sort of call for all the little Bang On The Door purple long legged cats so I can give them more siblings - seriously please give me all the little purple long-legged idiots.)

My Spell Coat scarf and paper stars. (If you don't know about Spell Coats, watch the Jim Henson's Storyteller for the aesthetics or read Diana Wynne Jones - you may know her from Howl's Moving Castle, but definitely read The Dalemark Quartet.) The point is, you can weave a story to make it true. This masterpiece was made by the amazing Cassandra-Kate. I shall wear the scarf and hand out the paper stars she crafted to anyone who looks like they need them.

Protein drinks. Since I have no idea how ill I may feel or how up to eating actual food I will be, I’ve ordered some vanilla flavoured protein powder in case there are days where I have to rely on milkshakes.

Creativity. When I can paint or write I will. When I can’t, I shall just splat and read or watch films. (I picked the first pic that came up on my hard drive to represent this and I do not recall what sketchbook that came from or wtf I was doing - I don't even think I have it here - but I guess it's sort of valid? Half-dead-alive-girl. Shit.

Love Nikki Dress Up Queen. A free phone game where you pass challenges by styling different outfits. Very anime cute and pretty. (I’m Bedlam in game if you want to be friends, and my styling association is Witch House which you’re very welcome to join.)

A new wig or possibly two. Two, in fact. One thanks to Kal and one thanks to DT - I am very grateful for beautiful feathers!

Coconut water. It tastes like the essence of liquid biscuits - Digestive Biscuits - which if you aren't from the UK won't mean much. Let's say 'healthy cookie water' to you heathens I apparently live with now.

[about6ftunder]

random vent post below the cut. atypical for me just ignore it 😭😭

tw : explicit death + unfiltered/illogical emotions

(i didn't really mean for this to get so long, but i guess i've still got a lot of grief built up)

emptiness, loneliness, grief, sickness, random guilt, placeless anxiety, and over a month without a therapy session. not a great mix ! aka i'm one bad occurrence away from spiraling into a depression too deep for me to come out of !

---

my grandparents resided with me and my parents. i have no siblings. they had been living with us since i was three, though active in my life before that point--i don't really remember a time without my granny and pawpaw, and my grandma especially was probably my favorite person on this planet. i doubt that'll ever change, even now that she's gone.

i don't even remember when it was, really. or how long it's been, i guess i should say. it was in may, though i only remember the month bc of how hectic my life already was with school. i graduated the same month.

my grandma had been sick for 7 months, i think ? she had gotten the flu, and had 'never really came out of it,' as she said. and she just kept getting worse. i'd listen to my mom and her fight every night, just because she wouldn't go to the hospital. she had to be helped up out of chairs, used a cane all hours of the day, was constantly taking breathing treatments, and could hardly form a sentence without getting so short of breath i thought she might faint.

but she was never that healthy, either. smoking, obesity, and neglecting your health for nearly 70 years... not good, you know ? hell, i had seen her just as sick countless times before that.

---

11:30 A.M.

my sleep schedule was fucked. i probably wouldn't have gotten up until about 3:30 P.M. (if not even later in the day) had it not been for my grandpa at the door, getting my attention. i was half-conscious, not even really registering his words. but i knew he needed my help and was already pretty high-alert, given my grandma's sickness, so i was up and out of bed without a hassle.

i find my grandma on the bathroom floor, sitting expressionless. i don't understand what's happening, but she's got a death-grip on her walker. i try to help my grandfather again and again, but we can't get her up--can't get her to even look at us.

"I'm calling an ambulance," he says as he steps away and out onto the front porch in that rough, rasping, southern drawl of his. i know i can do it faster, so i rush back to my room and grab my phone.

11:45 A.M.

i don't call 911. not at first. i call my mom, standing in my bedroom. it's spring, and the wooden floors of my house freeze the bottom of my feet. everything feels so slow--i can't fucking breathe, i'm not moving fast enough, and i feel utterly helpless. my mom tells me she's coming home and to call 911. i do.

i fucking hate every moment of it. she asks me all these fucking questions, and i give her what answers i know, but she keeps going silent for what could've been 5-10 seconds at a time, coming back and just asking the same questions in different ways, always in that stupid-ass monotone, and i feel like she doesn't fucking care. i know that they're trained to do it, that it serves a purpose, but in that moment it made me want to strangle the woman on the other end of the line. i was mad. i didn't realize it until much later, but that burning anger was really just desperation. "i called the magic number--why the fuck isn't everything fixed?"

11:50 A.M.

"do you have any animals in the house?"

what...? she's asking me all this shit about medical history, if my grandma is moving, if she's breathing, if her pupils react to light... and now she's asking me about my pets?

"they don't like when our responders are in your home, so if you can move them--"

oh. alright, yeah, that's practical. i try not to think about my grandma, the way i can't even get her to look at me. i try so hard not to think about it. my dogs are in a panic--three of them. i can't get them to go outside. fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK why won't they go outside

11:55 A.M.

my mom gets home. i nearly throw my phone at her--i can't deal with that apathetic bitch on the telephone anymore. i wrangle all the dogs onto the back porch, and come back inside. my mom's talking more, running through the same motions i was with the operator. my grandpa had come back inside for a moment, and had wrestled the walker away from her. i see him walk back out, i get past her and go onto my front porch, and find my grandpa sitting in his chair with his head in his hands, praying.

"no, mama, they can't take you away from me yet"

my grandpa is not a soft man. he is not gentle; his hands are rough and calloused from hard labouring that i could hardly even imagine. he can be cruel, can be cold--and more often than not, he is. but my heart hurts so fucking bad, seeing him like this. i hear sirens, and it's like waking up from a bad dream. i dash out onto the broken concrete pathway of our lawn, still barefoot. fresh rain soaked into the concrete, and spare blades of grass coat my ankles and feet with the help of a sticky solution of morning dew. i see the lights flashing at the top of the street, and it's the closest thing to a divine experience i've ever had.

12:00 P.M.

i feel silly. i'm still in my pajamas, after all. i come back into my house and tell my mother that the paramedics have come. she seems relieved, and so am i. i want to stay out of their way, so i come back outside for a moment. my grandfather is now silent, and i don't speak either. a few minutes pass, and i go inside. i sit on the couch, and mostly listen. i dont really remember but... then i looked, instead. her glasses have fallen off, and she's on her back, mouth agape. when they laid her down to get her on a stretcher, her heart stopped. they start CPR, and i see it in devastating detail. i silently move back to the front porch in a panic, trying to hold myself together.

"they started CPR" i say, my voice breaking.

"they huh?" my grandpa asks me. guess he isn't wearing his hearing-aids.

"they-- they started CPR" i repeat, harsh and loud with as much force as i can muster. he hardly seems to register it, but i know he understands eventually because he lets out a sob. a horrible, singular sob, and then his face is back in his hands.

12:05 P.M.

i can hardly breathe. i sit down in a rocking chair. it's heavy and firm, too heavy for me to move on my own. i can't help but finally break. i cry slightly, but... not much. i'm still in panic-mode, desperately searching for purchase amidst waves of hundreds of emotions and thoughts. i'm already so tired.

...

more happens, each moment still surreal in my memory, but it truly passes in a blur. i just sit with my head in my mother's lap for... maybe 4 hours?

it's around 5:30 P.M. when they finally let us back to see her. all the family--all 32 of us. she was "well-loved" as the nurses put it; we took up the entire waiting room.

she's gone. alive, but gone. her eyes are glazed over, very rarely blinking... yet slowly closing and opening. she's hooked up to so many machines, covered in heavy blankets that aren't soft to the touch. not soft enough for her paper-thin skin. i can see that her hands are already black from all the blood loss. hopelessness settles in.

we pull the plug. my entire extended family sticks around for maybe two or three days afterwards. they're good people, as much as i may or may not like each one of them. but i just kept wishing they'd all go home and stay away. all i wanted was my family, in my small, empty, dim house. i still grow envious, seeing people i know are older than her. why do they get to be alive, laughing and happy? my grandmother was so wonderful. she deserved more.

---

i might keep writing about it later. maybe in more detail, or maybe about other shit i've been suffering through this summer.

but probably not. i'm calling it a night.

[anthropophagusthebeast]

I'm afraid I'm addicted to typing. Normally when I want to vent about something I just write it down in a little book, illegibly because involvement in the cathartic action of writing is more important than the ability to reread it later which I will never do. Reviewing the content is not the point, the act of engaging with the subject is the point. But I love typing, I think it activates something in my brain that isn't exactly the same as when I'm writing with a pen. And maybe when I'm trying to understand something, not just vent it out, seeing the typewritten words could be more helpful.

I'm not quite awake yet but I am annoyed enough to try to do this anyway. I want to write about my favorite blogger briefly following and then unfollowing me. The rejection itself is not that interesting, everybody has a right and we don't really know each other after all. But the event caused me to review what it is about her that I react to so strongly, like what is the meaning of that kind of person to me, what do my projections consist of; maybe they say something useful about me that I can find out by examining this event. I expressed this to my friend Phil and I think he came at me with his own projections, which naturally did not mean that much to me. His first reaction was to try to convince me that she probably unfollowed me by accident; I agree that this is possible, but it's way beside the point and actually I think it would be bad for me to try to tell myself some story about how this basic stranger didn't really mean to reject me and maybe they still like me. I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with anything and would just encourage me to continue my obsession with this person, and I'm trying to say that the nature of my obsession is what's in question here. His other reaction was to try to convince me that actually she's probably not that cool in real life and some of the stuff she writes about is probably made up; it seemed like the aim of this was to make me feel better by framing her as inferior, which is also beside the point and I think not healthy, since the thing I'm trying to acknowledge to myself is that I really don't know her at all, the only thing that really holds meaning for me is the construct of her that I have created in my mind according to my own tastes and interests. Like maybe she is secretly boring and uncool but I'll never know, so this is completely irrelevant to me.

I think Phil has some basic, consistent level of skepticism, like he often talks about how people aren't really who they say they are, there's always some ruse going on and it's better to assume that people and things are secretly fake and fundamentally disappointing. That's not such a crazy thing to think, but it has nothing to do with my situation. I think he's just trying to comfort me by saying "maybe it was an accident" and "maybe she secretly sucks and you're better than her" or something, but I don't really want that kind of comfort, actually I don't want comfort at all, I don't need it in this case. I don't need to be coddled, I need to understand myself. And I'm getting the same kind of thing from my therapist; I try to tell her about something that puzzles me, that I think deserves analysis, and she immediately starts bombarding me with stuff about how I'm Good and Valid and I Deserve nice things and I'm OK Just the Way I Am. Which is definitely not a question I am asking, and I find myself abandoning subjects that I wanted to talk about because there's only so many times I can say Yes, I agree, I am Good and Valid, actually I wasn't questioning this, I'm just trying to discuss something that happened to me so I can understand it and integrate whatever the lesson was. So far I haven't been able to do that. We hit this wall where she just tries to make me have better self-esteem, and then we move on to another topic in minutes. I feel like I can't talk about anything for more than a couple of minutes because of this pattern.

God I miss my second therapist. I was so stupid to lose that time slot. But also I wasn't ready to say a lot of things out loud then, things I really need to say out loud before it's too late (I find myself thinking).

But at present I find myself motivated to really dig into the subject that I was turned away from by self-esteem talk. If I can't talk about it with my therapist or my friends, then I just have to talk about it with myself. And also I feel like if I can squeeze a lot of meaning out of this on my own, then I can come back to my therapist and say See, this is what I was trying to get at, it's actually really meaningful to me and it's not helpful for me to be turned away from a topic with simplistic talk of self-love.

It bothered me that when I was trying to talk about the abuse history in my mother's family and how it affected me and my worldview, my therapist basically stopped me to insist that the most important thing is that I am Good and Valid, and it doesn't really matter why someone did something to me as long as I understand that it was Bad of them. And on some level I get it, she was concerned that I was analyzing my mother's behavior with the goal of justifying it. But that's not what was going on, and I really do need to understand my mother's behavior so I can decode the messages she was delivering. When you understand the inner workings of something, it can have less power over you. And the exact nature of my mother's behavior does have an effect on me that isn't just making me feel bad about myself, the cure for which is making me feel good about myself. For instance, a very big thing for my mother--and her mother, importantly--was that having negative feelings like anger, fear, and sadness is a burdensome, antisocial thing that makes you a bad person. Even though I do not believe that at all consciously, and in fact I have devoted my life to understanding so-called negative feelings (an important fact about me that is obviously a reaction to the family problem! WORTH KNOWING ISN'T IT), it definitely affects my life because it's so deep in my DNA. My husband, who I love, is very reactive to small setbacks--I think this comes from his mother fwiw, like she wants everything to stay in this virginal state and she's easily traumatized by anything that's unexpected or even mildly disappointing--and because of how my mother treated me and her mother treated her, I get anxious about that right away. I immediately start thinking Toughen up, you're being a drag, stop being so sensitive, that's just negative! Even though he has a right to his feelings and they are no threat to me at all and I ALSO react strongly to certain small setbacks. My mother's toxic positivity mandate makes it hard for me to deal with situations that really aren't situations at all. I need to understand that so I can see what I'm doing and try to get better.

--and that stuff also reminds me of how, because of my abusive ex, I start to get scared every single time someone near me acts annoyed or frustrated. I get nervous and I try to fix something that doesn't need fixing, or else I just shut down completely until the tension has passed. So the problem with my ex is not just that he made me feel like a Bad Person and I just need to be reminded that I am a Good Person. The problem is that he trained me to feel and act in a way that is bad for me, to have unnecessary reactions that are draining for me, and this interferes with my emotional stability and my relationships. And the problem is not solved by someone simply reminding me that I'm a Good Person. I already know that consciously. I won't stop having problems until I decode the meaning of what happened to me.

The best definition of traumatic experience that I ever heard was that it's something that you cannot understand, and that you also cannot stop from happening. If I could just say to myself "I don't need to understand the bad thing that happened, all I need to know is that I'm Good and I Like Myself," then it wouldn't be trauma. That's ok for mild slights from people who aren't important to you, rejections from schools or jobs, or stuff like not being good at sports. It's all good, you can be good at other things, other people will like you, you know you tried your best and that's what's important. Just deciding that something terrible and persistent that happened to you doesn't matter because you agree that it was bad...I mean if that were a real thing, therapy wouldn't exist. We could all just tell each other, and ourselves, that our Feelings are important and we are Good and Valid. And we would be all better.

The reason that the blogger unfollowing me mattered to me wasn't really about the rejection. I mean of course nobody likes to be rejected but that's not that big of a deal to me; I don't like to be where I'm not wanted, when you're not wanted it usually means there's nothing good for you there even if the place seems glamorous to you, I have more important things to do and think about than wonder why specific people don't like me. The reason the unfollowing gets my attention is that it made me very aware of what kind of fantasy I was having about that specific individual. It wasn't a fantasy about friendship--which I actually don't think would work between us, we have extremely different attention spans and social metabolisms and I don't really see us enjoying each other's company in real life. The fantasy is about identity, about being a specific kind of person. It's about a kind of person I have always admired and aspired to be, and which is really far out of my reach for the most part. I have always been drawn to people and characters (important word here, I don't know her as a real person) who have her qualities. I'm frustrated that I can't see myself as such a person, I'm annoyed with the parts of myself that prevent me from leading such a life. An analysis of such a character would probably say a lot about me and my values.

She grew up in a Skinner Box type of environment, having been conceived by two people who agreed to a kind of avant garde child-raising experiment (approximate quote). Her father encouraged her to make herself attractive (she got a nose job at some point, and is currently struggling with anorexia), though it seems she is naturally extremely attractive, over six feet tall with a beautiful face and high metabolism and low interest in food generally. It seems that she was partially home schooled with a focus on advanced mathematics. I don't know if this was aimed more at business success or just superior intelligence, but the result was that she is both shockingly bright and sort of insane, deeply autistic and low-empathy with difficulty connecting to others, which sometimes makes her sadly vulnerable to bad faith actors. She grew up as an isolated, chronically online femcel, and eventually discovered her extraordinary power over men. She is a hypergamous dominatrix with an elaborately perverse sex life involving a harem of desperately devoted, rich business boys. She circulates in a world most of us will never experience and can hardly imagine, of cutting edge fashion and technology, and extreme privilege, where sociopathic brutes mix with big-picture visionaries. She is fascinated by the moral ambiguity of this world and tormented by her participation in it, constantly kicking its tires and testing its boundaries, and experimenting with her role there. I know these things because she is certainly the best writer on the platform, a genuinely talented writer in any case who I hope writes a book I can read some day.

So the things she has that I envy are:

A fascinating backstory*

Extraordinary talent at mathematics and technology.

Beauty, but a specific kind of fetishistic, stylized, cyberpunk beauty that I personally prefer. a) Leanness. I have the unfortunate prejudice that a lean "close to the bone" appearance correlates with intelligence, cunning, an intellect-heavy personality.*

Despite her tech concentration, a real artistic facility shown in her writing.

An outrageous, creatively fetishistic sex life--and more generally, the power and expressive ability conferred by her beauty.^

...I *think* that's probably it, simplistically. Other notes:

^ I have always enjoyed people with outrageous sex lives, I envy their drive toward the extremes of experience, I think this is a very good quality and a philosophically rich one. But the reality is that I probably wouldn't do that stuff even if I were attractive enough to participate. Even if I were that hot, I just like so few people and I don't want anyone to touch me except for a very, very few. I would never be able to get hypergamy going and I probably wouldn't enjoy it even if I had my choice of partners.

* I am fascinated by these things about her even though I know they are painful for her. They are undeniably interesting in a literary way, but I wouldn't want them for myself. I had enough trouble with my neurotic parents without the pain of being raised in an abusive cult environment, even though that is a "cool story". I wouldn't want to suffer the pain of anorexia. Just like anybody else I like the idea of being universally attractive and giving people fits of despair with my beauty and style and sexual potential, but I don't enjoy putting up with obsessed creeps and frankly I'm always a little afraid someone from her harem is going to try to kill her.

...essentially it is very important for me to acknowledge that some of the same things that make me feel jealous are things that are not good for her and that she wishes would somehow stop. If I suffered the way she does and I knew other people coveted the very things that make my life hard, I'd be pissed and disgusted.

But again, I don't know her, she doesn't know me, and in a way I'm not even talking about a real person. I'm just describing my construct of a person, based on the stimuli that are out there.

So then the qualities I lack, in contrast to her and in people and characters who I perceive to be like her, are:

Fitness. She's actually pretty weak due to inactivity and anorexia, but I imagine being tall and lean and athletic and how good that would make me feel. It feels like that appearance would reflect my "real personality". Instead I'm short and fat and puffy and jowly, and I hate it. I do love food, to me it's almost kind of a macho, survivalist thing, a dominance thing, to be able to eat and even enjoy anything. But the real thing is just my metabolism and my genes. The fact that I look exactly like my grandmother is really painful to me, someone who scared me and made me feel terribly guilty for not being able to love her and whose values are the reason my mother kind of hated me and wouldn't even bother discussing anything with me. It's true that I lack discipline, which is something else I hate about myself, like theoretically I COULD get a gym membership and go every day and put myself on a strict diet, forever. But the science says that that might make me healthier in some ways, but it will never turn me into the tall, slim, wiry stereotype of sharpness and efficiency that I so admire. I'm fucked in that department. And I'm afraid I'm too old to do it too, like weight loss won't result in anything other than gross, sagging, dangling wads of flesh hanging off my bones. There's no point in trying to be the person I wish I were.

I lack exactly the forms of intelligence I admire. I'm sick of hearing about how there are different kinds of intelligence, maybe I have emotional intelligence or creative intelligence or something, like who fucking cares honestly. I love people who understand space and mechanics, who can build, cook, sew, code, design. I love love love when people are great at math, it's the language of the universe! But I'm extremely clumsy and I can't seem to even learn anything practical, even if I try as hard as I can. I'm too stupid to understand how anything works and it makes it so I'm totally dependent on other people to do things for me, which I think is pretty disgusting. I'm just not a productive, independent adult and it seems like I can't even learn to be one in the way that I want. And like this is a matter of values. Being pretty is not a value of mine and I do have to grapple with that. But understanding your world and how to contribute to it productively IS a value. Asking me to be proud of my "emotional intelligence" or whatever and not have any feelings about the fact that I can't do anything I consider meaningful is asking me to go against my own values. And I don't like the persistent suggestion that your values are only important as long as they contribute to your self-love, the cult of self-esteem always wants you to approve of things you normally find objectionable only when it comes to yourself, and it's this double standard that I cannot abide.

I'd love to be a sexual dynamo and this one is painful because on some level I had that potential, but being screamed at and cheated on and publicly humiliated and passed over all the time by men who said insane things like that they wanted to marry me, made it so I can't have those feelings anymore. I don't belong in that world. It's other people who have hot, obsessive sex, not me. People only have sex with me when they can't have what they actually want, some dark goddess who controls their minds and causes them to wreck their ships. I know I'm good in bed and that I have been the best lay each of my serious boyfriends ever had; one of those guys could have had anyone, and one of them actually did his best to have everyone he could, so this was statistically significant. But after being treated like garbage, being treated like someone who was actually lower than whatever my partner could find in the gutter, it was like oh OK, I guess I just don't belong in the world of adult relationships. I guess anyone who ever fucks me is going to be settling for me and the most dignified thing I can do is feel a little sorry for them while we soldier on dejectedly together. And I guess I better not ever have those intense, direct feelings I used to have, because they were all wrong. And even if the person you want doesn't wish they had someone else specific, they will always wish they could just fuck someone more fuckable. Who wouldn't want that, who could possibly help wanting it. I always thought I had the potential for that compelling sex goddess thing, and for a time I seemed to with certain people, but ultimately I think everyone thinks they secretly have that potential just the way everyone secretly thinks they could win in a fight if they somehow got into one. It's pathetic. It's fucking comical actually. It's better to give up your whole idea of being sexy before you embarrass yourself, unless you really are in that top 8-10 grade of woman. Men think that men are human, and women are an attractive kind of human-adjacent thing, so if you are not a man and you're not attractive, then you're not even human. It's the way things are.

I guess I wish I had an interesting reason for being the way I am. She has such a fascinating life story, maybe I would find more purpose if I had a narrative behind me like that. Actually that's the exact reason the NXIVM story about my mom was so interesting to me, it made me feel as if there were somehow a powerful reason for the way I am, other than that I'm just kind of a deranged failure with no purpose in life. I also wish I had the social access to go to crazy raves and secret experimental events and shit. As it is, even if I could get to them, what would I have to say to anyone there? It feels like my brain is only good for sitting on the fucking couch watching the same movie over and over again and figuring out something to say about it that I forgot I already said the last time I watched it.

I'm running out of steam now, maybe I will have more to say later. Hopefully I've at least gotten some ways toward explaining to the imaginary version of my therapist that there is definitely some valuable significance to examining my attachment to the idea of this person, and not everything can be usefully boiled down to saying "Anything that makes you feel bad or anxious or confused doesn't matter because the only thing that matters is liking yourself." Bleh.

[miyuskye]

I saw some pretty hot takes on Eden lately and I just needed to vent.

I don't understand why Eden is /this/ badly received by the fandom (the whole fandom, even from Adam fans), and that, if you ship Eden, you must do it in secret or attach a post scriptum to say that yes, you ship Eden but, like, in a toxic relationship interpretation.

I have a very long history of shipping toxic and unhealthy age gaps ships, and I absolutely love this kind of dynamics if written correctly. I made my fair share of posts in the past rambling about the proper way to portray unhealthy relationships and not romanticise them (as well as saying that liking bad in fiction doesn't equal to condoning it in canon but we're not even in this territory with sk8).

However, that's not the case with Eden. We could argue that the relationship kind of starts like this (but it's up to discussion, in my opinion) but how it becomes post canon is the farthest from that kind of dynamics. I could understand where this is coming from from someone who doesn't like Adam and makes him to be Everything Bad That's On Earth, but I also see this kind of reaction from Adam's fans and it's a bit weird to me.

It's clear that Adam has romantic, arguably sexual, feelings for Langa. He makes it very clear during the course of the show and also in post-canon material (i.e. referring to the sk8 six group as "Langa and the (5) others" twice). I saw some people saying that Eden relies on an Adam's interpretation that it's not supported by canon, but I feel like these interactions and banters (VA event, DVD package box, him still showering Langa with flowers in the post credit scene) show otherwise.

Moving onto Langa, since I also saw a lot of people surprised that, wow, Langa seems to reciprocate??? At least it's better than people still thinking that Langa would ever reject Adam's advances in canon. This is probably a point that's very dear to me, since it's actually the basis as to why I think Eden places miles away from the toxic relationships above. The dynamics in these relationships usually goes that the older one coerces the younger and more naive one with something and exploits them in a way. Then, the younger one usually reacts and a new dynamics establishes in the couple. It's a cool thing to explore in fiction, but, again, not an Eden thing in the slightest.

First of all, Langa already is into skateboarding before meeting Adam. He didn't make Langa interested in skateboarding so he could approach him, he just saw him multiple times and only after that he decided to approach him.

When they meet for the first time, Adam isn't very much different than he usually is at S. He's still the extravagant, arrogant and self-confident legend of S. That is to say, he's not trying to appear different in Langa's eyes to install a false sense of security. Adam straight up claims him to be his prize and not only Langa isn't put off by that but this also makes him want to skate more against the other. If he wasn't genuinely interested in Adam, he would've been put off by this behaviour (like Reki is). In fact, Reki skates against Adam to prove a point, Langa skates against him because he wants to, no reasons needed. Again, during the recent VA event, after re-enacting some of the pivotal scenes in the series, Reki states that it's peaceful without Adam (his va wasn't present at the event) and Langa ~immediately~ says that he would have wanted to see some of Adam's scenes. That's not what you say about someone you don't like XD

He probably doesn't realize that Adam calls him Eve for a while, but when he does, Langa doesn't look weirded out or annoyed by it. He is surprised by it. And it's hard to think that he didn't get the reference when someone named Adam calls him Eve. I don't want to say that he agrees to be Adam's Eve, of course, but he's fine with it. Like he's fine with Adam giving him roses and his violent behaviour in general.

Talking about violent behaviour, he's never angry with him when Adam gets violent. He understands that such are the rules of S and during the last episode Utsumi said that she wanted them to fight with fists so she thinks that Langa would be fine with getting violent too (but after the Famous RinHaru Scene I see why she'd think that...) but that's just speculation. In ep 5, he just wants to skate with him, full stop. But also, even after seeing Adam getting extremely violent with Reki in ep 11 he's not actually angry or wants revenge. Instead, he's bent on wanting to know Adam better and teaching him the fun in skating. He rooted for Reki because he wanted to skate against him in a beef for sure but also bc he thought that the message could get across Adam even if delivered by Reki but when it didn't he wanted to do it himself. If Langa was being exploited by Adam, or groomed, or anything, he would've woken up after the Renga makeup. But, oh well, he didn't. That's because Eden was never meant to be abusive. That's not the face you show to your abuser.

Him and Tadashi are the only one in the series with the balls of actually calling out to Adam when he goes out of line. Joe does it in ep 11, but only because he's afraid for Reki's safety. Langa has no problems with flashing Adam an annoyed gaze when he smokes instead of skating against him, and has no problem calling out his bs in ep 12. I'm p sure that if he knew about Adam's warped conception of love, he'd call out on that too. He is able and has the agency of standing up to him and he's not a passive part in the relationship. Very much different from toxic relationships, where making the other unable to react (or them escaping from such a situation) is one of the main points of the dynamics.

There are countless ways Eden could go wrong and get toxic (the last ep showed us a pretty good example when they both got in the zone), but Reki teaching Langa the fun in skating prevented it. In a way, Reki made healthy Eden possible, but we're not ready to have this kind of talk yet XD

thanks for reading this very long post lmao

[lamelinam]

The maid and the Cat, Ren and Akira: some musings

What gloomy love brightened the half-lives of the Sohmas’ most Cursed ones?

I often wonder what the relationship between the former Cat and his attendant would have looked like, twisted and sad as it must have been. Precious little is shown about those two, and only through Kazuma’s pov. We know she took care of and pitied the Cat, to the point that she even slept with him and bore his child. This is not unlike Kureno’s relationship with Akito. She might have treated him with the same kindness and devotion, distant, perhaps harmful, yet selfless.

Selfless? I think another way to extrapolate on the story of Kazuma’s grandparents is with Ren and Akira’s relationship.

Many great meta writers have already pointed out that those who fill in the positions at the extremes of the Sohma hierarchy, the Cat and God, or in this case the Cat and the idolized, deified family head, are foils to each other and are the ones that are dehumanized and isolated the most.

But now I think that you can also compare the way the previous Cat and Akira both chose ("chose" being a relative term in the case of the Cat) a romantic partner.

(Akira wasn’t God, but as the family head, he was worshipped just like Akito. His sickness also contributed to making him stand apart. Not only was he kept inside the compound because of his frailty, the hold that death had on him blessed him with this ephemeral, divine aura. “Was it the sorrow that befell him at such a young age that gave him that otherworldly beauty?»)

Both Kazuma’s grandfather and Akito’s father were doomed, Akira to die an early death, Kazuma’s grandfather to live the life of a living dead. Both were buried alive in the Sohma estate, either at the outskirts or at the center of it.

Both reached out to their progeny. (But Kazuma rejected the offered cake, and will endeavour to atone and honour his grandfather’s memory. Akito clung to every memento she had of her father and will need to learn to let go of him.)

And both the previous Cat and Akira found some measure of comfort in the affections and arms of their female caretakers, Sohma servants who saw their loneliness and expressed their compassion, though not in a particularly healthy way: Kazuma’s grandmother acting out of pity, Ren out of obsessive love.

It’s interesting to me how their respective position was reflected in their partners’ feelings : the imprisoned, despised Cat, Kazuma’s grandmother looked down on. The respected, otherworldly beautiful Akira was adored by Ren.

Kazuma sums up his grandparents’ relationship thusly:

Those correspond to the main "duties" that a wife is traditionally supposed to provide her husband.

The day-to-day caring.

Childbearing.

Attending their husband’s deathbed.

Obviously Ren wished she could have skipped the second one and be there for the last one. (I headcanon that she had prepared her last words years in advance, finding small pleasures and comfort, on the back of the wave of despair anticipating Akira’s death, in rehearsing the declarations of passionate love she would address to the dying man.)

The Cat’s companion attended her partner’s deathbed, seemingly very composed, even cold, as seen in Kazuma’s memories, while Ren, deprived of her husband’s last moments, that she felt were “stolen” from her by Akito (in reality by the maids :@), was mad with grief.

"The only one who can save him"

Those parallels make me wonder whether or not the Cat’s companion might not have developed a saviour complex, like Ren, both believing that they were the only one able to save this lonely, condemned person they were taking care of, and relishing it.

“I love you” vs "I pity you"

On Ren’s side though, it seems that she believes she truly saw Akira, as the person hiding behind that otherworldly aura, filled with sadness and fearful of death. Seeing that Akira agrees with her ("Ren noticed I was lonely"), fought against the Sohma leaders and regretted on his deathbed that he and Ren couldn’t reconcile, I believe this is not a delusion of hers. Her love was genuine and passionate, and she and Akira were happy. Unfortunately, that happiness didn’t survive her pregnancy, for she was also jealous and obsessed.

Kazuma supposes that his grandmother believed that she was doing something good. I wonder at her expression. It is shadowed, enigmatic. Is it a smirk or not, is she sad or not? i wonder whether she was selfless in her pity, like Kureno, or selfish like Kagura, perhaps feeling better by «sacrificing» herself in associating with the Cat for the sake of a miserable soul.

(Whatever you can say or imagine about her, Kazuma doesn’t seem to suffer from the stigma of being the Cat’s grandson, nor does he bear any trace of an abusive upbringing - in fact, he was among those doing the abusing - or even the echoes of the previous generation’s, so my guess is that she was an okay mother and grandmother... which would have made Kazuma’s disappointment and hurt at her words all the sharper... Like Tohru thinking of the zodiacs members she finds so kind and adorable secretly looking down on someone else she realizes she cares about more than she thought.)

There is no way to know how the Cat reacted to a pity-love. But considering Kureno and Akito’s relationship, this might also have been but a superficial balm, and potentially just as hurtful. Then it depends on the interpretation. Kureno’s pity cocooned Akito and kept her from moving forward, but the Cat was condemned anyway to an eternity of imprisonment. Moving forward was forbidden to him. And if his self-worth was already completely destroyed as his role and his treatment are meant to do, he might have just felt grateful towards the attendant. There’s no way to say for sure whether he would have been hurt or not by the truth, and I don’t know which option is the saddest!

... but I know what could be sadder. Because is the maid entirely to blame? We know that in Fruits Basket, love requires a measure of selfishness. The one cursed with the Cat has no self, no existence, no wants and no future, and they accept this fate. They believe they deserve it. (Which is why the Cat's Room doesn't need bars in the manga, nor locks. Rin was under lock and keys because either Akito didn't completely trust her to keep her word or she didn't want someone to discover her.)

It would be very difficult for someone to fall in love with a person who has renounced to everything, perhaps including love. Because who's to say that the Cat loved the maid too?

Recognition vs indifference

How depressingly fitting that we don't even learn the Cat's name, while Akira’s is remembered by all and echoes back and forth in the later part of the story.

Ren marrying the Sohma family head was such a big political deal it provoked a family schism. The Cat’s story with the maid gets completely ignored. It is probably known, just not "officially recognized", says Kazuma. Like everything related to the Cat, it was relegated to the back of the minds, in the dusty closet of the things that are uncomfortable to think about but that you tolerate if it doesn’t upend your little world-view. Ugh, some maid is being inappropriate with that monster! Well, as long as she doesn’t free the loathsome creature, who cares. (And she wouldn’t, because she’s no Tohru.)

In contrast, the maids of the main family thought that Ren was stealing Akira from their grasp. Ren didn’t seem to care for the family, and in a way, her love allowed Akira to also escape from them, "snatched away" by "that woman”, for the old attendant. Unlike the Cat’s attendant, Ren felt like a threat to the Sohma strict hierarchical system. (Fortunately, God will be born to bring back the right order of things, phew! Certainly she he will accomplish what Akira-san was momentarily too misguided to do and rid us of that woman!)

Inheritance.

Both women's profession of their true feelings deeply marked their progeny and the way they view relationship, whether personal or not, romantic or filial.

While her mother affirmed that "a woman only needs one man", Akito leaned on the love of the zodiacs ; Kazuma viewed and loved Kyo as a human and dreaded that his son would find himself in the same situation as his grandfather but also with the same kind of companionship. (His reaction to Kagura speaks of a long-held anxiety). But Ren's hatred for Akito coloured the way Akito interpreted her words, while Kazuma’s grandmother’s declaration shook Kazuma, his personal relationship with his grandmother notwithstanding.

This comparison isn't about good or evil, neither to judge those characters. Furuba isn’t about that. Obviously, they are not blameless. But it is very difficult to say whether or not Kazuma’s grandmother was wrong to act out of pity if it provided a bit of comfort to a prisoner. And is it surprising that Ren developed this saviour’s complex when it seems she was the only one willing to breach Akira’s isolation bubble?

Anyway, Takaya-sensei is really good at making foils. Either because she does it on purpose or because her characters are so deeply intertwined with the themes of the series the parallels appear on their own. But in this case, I don’t think it’s for nothing that the chapters recounting Ren and the Cat’s attendant stories follow each other (chapters 114 and 115).

Of course, this meta is less an analysis and more suppositions and conjectures (frankly, I wonder if I might not as well have written a fanfic). From the little we see, the Cat’s companion and Ren work as distorted yin-yang mirrors, their differences highlighting the similarities of their situations, from the ugly effects of the inner workings of the Sohma cult to the messed up inner workings of the heart. Genuine but obsessed, jealous love... Pity, perhaps self-serving, in the guise of martyred love.... One thing I can say for sure is that these two both gave me chills in their own way.

[existslikepristin]

What A... Bummer

Desc: The fic that (sort of) started it all. Sorry for the funky formatting, as this was mostly just copy/pasted from Discord, where I ran the polls. You may also find it here if you prefer AFF: https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1462191/what-a-bummer-aka-i-m-so-sorry

Tags: TheLounge, Gfriend, Eunha, Yerin, maleOC"you", mostly butt things, angry bunny, vote story, backlog story

~~~~~

You knock on the dressing room door. Just inside is your Gfriend... as in "good friend" Eunha. Today is a very exciting day, and it's been a long time coming. She released her first solo album at midnight and she was at the first show where she would perform it live in front of a camera.

The two of you have been close... "good friends," as they say, for a while now. And you managed to convince security to let you in so you could give her a gift before she goes on stage. After all, you're proud of her accomplishment!

You hear shuffling inside the room and know she's on her way over. You really hope she likes the present!

What was the present again?

Options: 1. Champagne, baby! You got the expensive stuff! 2. A basket of healthy fruits! You're wholesome as fuck! 3. Your buddy Yerin! Can't celebrate without a good laugh! 4. (Picked:) A buttplug?! Who the fuck do you think you are?

~~~~~

You hold the box behind yourself as the door opens. Just inside is your buddy Eunha, all by herself. Not a surprise since you saw her manager downstairs earlier.

And she looks awesome. Her hair is cut short again, just to her jawline, but instead of curling in like her normal bob, it flares out at the bottom. She's got on a white shirt, cut low enough to just tease at her cleavage (even though you happen to know she's hardly got any cleavage without the pushup). Below she's wearing a super short black skirt, with a slit on one side that nearly reaches her hip bone, but her safety shorts hide the real goods. You know she has some tall black heels for this outfit since you were there when her stylist picked them out, but she's barefoot for now, nails on her fingers and toes painted all black.

She shouts happily and jumps up to wrap her arms around you as soon as she sees you. You barely manage to keep her from dragging you down to the floor, putting your arms around her too. "You came!"

"Of course I did!" you shout, "Congratulations!"

The top of her head barely reaches your chin while she's on her toes. She nuzzles her head into your neck. Her hair dresser would flip her shit, but it's okay if it's just for a second, right?

She suddenly grabs the box from your hand. The sly little idol.

"Yerin told me you were bringing me a present. I thought she might be lying, but..."

Eunha tears the wrapping off the box. You'd be a little offended, but you did the same thing to the last birthday gift she got you.

"Now... what am I supposed to do with this thing?"

Eunha holds up the butt plug. You grin, recognizing the excellence of the thing. Stainless steel, polished like a mirror, a bright red gemstone embedded into it (and yeah, you got a real gem for it), and big. Real big.

Options: 1. (Picked:) "You keep it inside you, once I help put it there." 2. "WOAH. That's not what I thought it was, I swear! Yerin tricked me!" 3. "How the fuck should I know?"

~~~~~

"What are you supposed to do with it?" you ask as you take a couple steps forward.

"You keep it inside you, once I help put it there."

Eunha puts the butt plug up to her mouth. "Like this?" She licks it and puts it in her mouth, as far as she can at least. She looks up into your eyes, looking as innocent as she can. You would almost buy the stupid act too, but you know she's got somewhere to be.

You grab her by the shoulders and spin her around. Then you drop to your knees so your face is directly next to her ass. It takes up your whole field of vision. But still, there's no time to waste. You grab the sides of her safety shorts and yank down. As expected, there's nothing underneath and you can instantly spread her glorious cheeks to be greeted by...

Oh damn, she's already got a plug in.

Eunha giggles above you. "Don't worry. I like yours better. Help me swap them and you can keep that one."

Not a bad solution.

The plug takes a little work to get out. Eunha half-moans, half-laughs as you wiggle it back and forth to get it moving. She reaches back to spread her ass cheeks to give you better access and a fantastic view.

And eventually, with a little pop, the plug comes out. It's much smaller than the one you brought, made of silicon, and much more boring.

You stand and hold it in front of Eunha. She instantly sticks her tongue out to lick off the lube.

"It's almost like you've done this before, isn't it?" you ask with a smirk.

"It's almost like you know that personally," she says over her shoulder.

You take the brand new butt plug out of her hand and get back on your knees. Eunha instinctively spreads her ass again. You can still see some of the glistening of the lube that was there for the last plug, so it's probably at least safe to put the new one in without anything extra. Then again, the new butt plug is pretty big...

1. (Picked:) Stick it in rough. This might mess up her performance, getting you a punishment later. 2. Give her a good lube up with your tongue first. You know from experience that she loves this, and you'll be well rewarded later.

~~~~~

You know, you and Eunha have been good friends for quite a while now. How bad would it really be if you messed up her performance just this once... And besides, her cute, tiny little asshole just needs a real good stretch sometimes right?

Right.

Eunha waves her ass from side to side, bent over a bit, mostly for the presentation. "I'm ready for it. What are you waiting for?"

Well, she said it! You line up the top of the plug at her lube-short hole, earning you a sultry giggle from the idol. You give it a slow twist to one side, the other side, brace your elbow, and shove like you've never shoved before.

You're not quite sure whether or not you were successful. It seems like time slowed down... You felt the tension of her ass resisting the plug up to the widest part, followed by it giving way as it tapered back down. But that only took a second or so, and Eunha didn't react. The dressing room is dead silent.

Then, Eunha falls to the floor. To her knees, then onto her hands. You're more than a little worried, so you move to her side to see her face. Her mouth is open like she's screaming, but there's still no sound, until she whispers, "What... the f-f-fuck... is wrong with you?"

Her eyes slowly turn in your direction so you give her your biggest, winning smile. But there's fire in her eyes. You're suddenly feeling like you may have made a bad choice.

There's a knock on the door and a voice comes through, "Eunha? We'll be starting your stage in five minut--"

"I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!" Eunha screams. You hear the PA muttering as they walk away.

You open your mouth to say something, but you forget what it was when you get smacked in the jaw. Eunha is still holding herself with one hand, but the other is floating menacingly next to your face, nails looking beautiful but also ready to tear you apart.

Clearly trying to compose herself, Eunha lowers her head and whispers again, "Go find Yerin... and wait for the stage... now."

It's probably best not to argue. You get up and and make your way to the door. You turn back to look at her though. She hasn't really moved, and you get a great look at her thicc ass sticking into the air with your plug poking out from between her cheeks.

You know for sure you're going to get punished later, but you think maybe you should say something?

Options: 1. Apologize. You can admit, you fucked up. You'll still get punished, but maybe she'll go easy on you? 2. (Picked:) Never mind, say nothing. You'll obviously just make it worse. 3. Just laugh. Eunha doesn't have connections to any hitmen, does she?

~~~~~

For the sake of your personal safety, you think it's probably best to just go. You slip through the door quickly so nobody can see through the door and make your way to the stage.

Yerin is pretty easy to pick out of the crowd for you, as she's wearing her usual thick sweatshirt, plain jeans, tennis shoes, hat, facemask, and glasses that make it impossible for her to be recognized in public. She's in the back of the crowd, holding a gigantic sign that says "I LOVE YOU EUNHA I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES" as a joke. You remember the first time she said that was when Eunha was fucking her with a strap on. It looks like everyone in the crowd is too busy practicing their fanchant to really notice the overtly sexual (and nonsense) sign.

"Yo slut," you casually say as you walk up next to her.

"About time you got here whore," she says back, clearly grinning mischievously behind the mask. You smirk back.

"So, did she like her gift?"

Your smirk fades, "Uuuh. You know, she will probably have to tell you that herself."

"Mmm, I will. And then I'll take it out of her, put it back in and lick all around it... ugh, I'm so wound up. Hey. If I masturbated while we watch the stage, would you keep an eye out so I don't get caught?"

Options: 1. "Of course! I've always got your back my dude." 2. (Picked:) "You want to do it yourself? But I'm right here." 3. "Woah, Yerin. Don't be so weird. Just enjoy the show like a normal person. Sheesh."

~~~~~

You give Yerin a smirk and move behind her. She points at her eyes and swings her hand in a circle, her nerdy way of telling you to keep watch. You get the feeling she'll enjoy what you have in mind.

After a couple of minutes go by, the fans scream as the stage hands walk off and the lights go dim. You and Yerin join them in the cheer, welcoming your hot little buddy into the spotlight. Yerin holds her sign high and shouts her support.

As the lights come back up, you see Eunha, cool and calm like the professional she is, with her backup dancers. You're a little surprised (and slightly disappointed) at her exceptional composure.

The first note of the song hits and the crowd instantly shuts up, ready to fanchant like hell. That's when you seize the chance to shove your hand down the back of Yerin's jeans and pop the still-lubed butt plug (the one you took out of Eunha earlier and never did get rid of) into Yerin's ass. It slides in like butt...er.

Eunha jumps into her dance and Yerin jumps up and down with the music with no regard for your hand down her pants. You feel like you might get a rash. But either way, you soldier on and reach in further, until you can touch her clit.

There's one move in Eunha's dance that draws a big gasp from the crowd, where she bends over and presents her ass. Her safety shorts hide the butt plug... for anyone who isn't paying close attention. They aren't especially good at hiding how deep the crack of her ass is, and there's just one very slightly bulged out part.

Yerin moans back at you, "Holy shit, she is so fucking hot up there," as she grinds herself down against your hand, drowning your fingers in her juices. "I just want to sit on her face, pull her legs back and pump a dildo into her helpless butt."

You smile at the thought. Maybe Yerin will be on your side if Eunha is still angry when you meet back up, considering that she also wants to destroy Eunha's asshole.

Yerin doesn't quite cum before the song is over. You take your hand out of her pants just in time not to be seen by all of the fans turning around to leave. She groans in frustration.

"Let's run to the dressing room and see if she can finish me off. I was so close!"

Options: 1. "Hey wait. She might be a little mad. I may have done something a little mean..." 2. (Picked:) "Yeah, definitely! Let's go get those shorts off her!"

~~~~~

You confidently walk through the halls next to Yerin. The whole time, Yerin bounces up and down, distracting you with the constant thought of ass. A couple times she even turns her head, sees you staring, winks, and spanks herself. You forget entirely about the confession you considered making.

Once at the dressing room, you see that the door is already open. Weird?

Yerin jumps through the door and shouts "YEAH EUNHA!"

The display of enthusiasm is met with silence. Yerin scratches her head and walks further into the room. "Maybe her mic got stuck in her hair?" she ponders.

You walk in too. You're about to comment, but there's a sudden sharp pain in the back of your neck. You attempt to put your hand up to slap at whatever bug got in here, but your hand just falls limp. So do your legs. And your vision goes dark as you vaguely feel yourself falling to the floor.

* * *

"He's waking up," you hear a garbled voice say. All you can see are blurry shapes as you open your eyes, but they come into focus very slowly.

"Don't stop!" another garbled voice shouts, making you suddenly feel a pounding in your head. Did you go too hard on some vodka?

The voices (or just one voice really) start clearing up. You hear Yerin moaning, turning slowly into a scream. And eventually your eyes confirm it.

About ten feet in front of you, Yerin's face and torso are pressed against a bed, with her butt held up against Eunha's face. Her legs are trembling wildly. Eunha's hands are gripping Yerin's hips tight, her eyes are closed, and her legs are folded underneath her. They're both entirely naked, and you have a side view of it all.

It would be a little more exciting if you weren't chained by the legs and wrists to a wooden chair.

And you look down to see that you're naked too, other than some kind of device locked very uncomfortably around your dick.

There's a thud as Eunha drops Yerin onto the bed. Yerin is apparently exhausted by the orgasm she just had, because she's not moving.

Eunha shakes her head to refluff her hair that was being pressed against her cheeks and looks at you.

"Good morning," she says blandly.

You try to respond but your tongue feels weird and doesn't move properly so you kind of just blubber.

Eunha slides off the bed and takes a few steps to stand right in front of you. A tiny drop of her cum falls from her pussy onto your knee. Damn, they must have been at this for a while.

Her entire body is bare in front of you, practically on top of you, and it's so incredibly sexy. Under normal circumstances, this is when she would sit down and ride you for hours. But she isn't sitting down, and your dick is being painfully stopped from getting hard by the contraption it's in.

"So... do you have anything to say now?"

Options: 1. Yup. Apologize. 2. (Picked:) Yeah, you enjoyed her solo debut! 3. Nope. Nothing to say. 4. Yes.. BeGONE, THOT

~~~~~

You smirk, ever so slightly unsure of yourself, or if what you're saying is a good idea. The corner of your mouth trembles as you say, "Yeah, I really liked your solo debut. You did great up there."

Eunha leans over, putting her hands on the back of the chair you're tied to. It would be a great chance to stare at her perky little titties up close if her threatening gaze wasn't holding your eyes. Her face comes in closer. You can feel her fuming hot nose breaths on your forehead. Your own breath is caught in your throat, and your lungs start to burn with how long she stares you down.

"Be glad I'm a professional. And thanks," she says, very flatly.

As she stands back up and turns away from you, and you release a huge sigh of relief.

"Yerin, over here please. I'm going to need your tongue in my ass."

With a groan, Yerin rolls off the bed and crawls to Eunha, kneeling between her and you. Eunha leans forward, putting her hands on the bed for support. If there was any question about what your punishment was before now, it was pretty clear now.

Eunha spreads her ass, her perfectly painted black nails creating a frame for the asshole you love so much. It's only a few feet away from you. You can feel your dick trying to harden but the cage just makes it... well it doesn't hurt, but it's extremely uncomfortable.

And then Yerin's head appears between you and that beautiful butt. Her hands grip onto the backs of Eunha's thighs, squeezing the flawless flesh as if she were trying to hold herself up on the edge of a cliff. You know the exact moment when Yerin's tongue meets Eunha's ass. The shorty has a very characteristic half-squeal-half-moan that comes out of her every time something wet touches it. You might have thought you could look away to stop the discomfort in your cock, but that sound brings back too many memories of your entire face being buried in those cheeks.

"Oh... Oh yes. Good girl."

You watch as Eunha slowly pushes back against Yerin's face, over and over. It lasts for hours? Days? You could never tell. Her squeals and encouragement get louder, more urgent. You can't help but let out a quiet groan of your own.

But like the rabbit she is, Eunha heard. She twists her upper body to look at you without disturbing Yerin. "What was that? Do you want to fuck this ass? Do you-- fuck..."

Her eyes screw shut as a brief shiver of pleasure runs through her body. You can see her legs quaking for a moment. She's close.

"Do you want Yerin's pretty little mouth to dip up and down on your cock to lube you up for-- fffuck!"

Again, a shiver. It's longer this time, and Eunha almost falls, her feet sliding a few inches farther apart before she catches herself. There's a loud slurping noise as Yerin moves to accomodate the change and gets a much needed breath of air.

One of Eunha's hands shoots to her inner thigh and you can barely see past Yerin's shoulder that she's squeezing herself tight. She would often remind you about how she would do that to make her orgasms more intense, so now you know exactly what (or rather, who) is coming.

Even so, she manages to gasp out nearly a full sentence, "You want my ass clenching around your cock when--" The last word melts into one long squeal and trails off from there into a silent scream. Her whole body shakes violently except where Yerin is holding her down tight.

You could swear it lasts for a whole minute. Agonizing for you and Eunha in different ways. But when she collapses face first onto the bed, her knees hitting the floor softly as Yerin guides her down, it's over. Except for the few extra twitches when Yerin gives her ass a couple of licks. You release a long breath that you didn't even realize you were holding.

Yerin climbs up to cuddle Eunha from behind, kissing her neck, shoulders, and back. The two of them giggle lightly at the gentle touches, making no move to point their beautiful, still-wet asses away from you.

"Time for your fanmeet?" Yerin asks softly after a minute or two.

Eunha sighs and pulls herself away from Yerin. "Yes, I guess we should get going."

As you expected, you're not getting any. At least not soon. You casually watch the members making their way around the room, collecting their clothes and getting dressed back up.

And notably, not untying you.

"That sure was amazing," you say, suddenly nervous, "Maybe I should help set up the chairs for the fanmeet?"

Yerin chuckles, "They're already set up, man."

"But... the audio right? You know? Do some mic checks?"

Eunha stands in front of a mirror, brushing her hair to get it back to looking presentable. "Oh that's fine. Manager's taken care of it."

You struggle to think of something else to say, or to think of what's about to happen.

"But don't worry," Eunha struts over to you and pats your knee, "SinB will be coming in after the fanmeet to let you go."

You groan. SinB rejects you any time she thinks it would be funny, which is literally every time. She probably won't even unlock the cage on your dick.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Eunha smooches your forehead like you're a pet she's leaving home for the day, and then drops a key down her shirt and into her bra. It's not hard to guess what the key is for. "And when I do, I'll have cheered up, and I'll bounce on your cock harder than you can imagine."

Yerin draws in a sharp breath somewhere behind you. She's probably planning on being around whenever that happens. You can't help but look forward to it, though it sounds like twenty-four hours of torture for you until then.

The lovely ladies zip out of the room before you can get in another word, leaving you to the inevitable humiliation SinB will have for you... in an hour or two.

THE END

[cat-vase]

Heyoo, same VickyChesGlam anon here. About the Anna and Glam thing, aaah man, it's complex. I personally do not care for Anna at all, not to say i hate her, but I don't rly have a reason to like her at all, or to want to like her. Plus, I very violently dislike Ches/Anna, simply cuz i am incapable of understanding HOW they even slept with each other. I adore Ches to hell and back but Ches is the embodiment of what Anna would hate in a man, flirty, playboy, overly confident, cocky... I like Anna when she's not being paired up with Ches, i like her potential with Vicky and her relationships with literally anyone else but Ches, cuz i cannot feel chemistry or history from them (plus, the cliche of "the main couple both have best friends and the best friends get together too!" Is... Hm, well. I GUESS. Idk if you see what I mean).

I think Glam and Anna's relationship is much more fun as animosity and sass filled interactions, simply cuz i think Glam SASSING or being passive aggressive to someone would be so entertaining and funny to see. Anna was been shown to hate Glam's GUTS in Vicky's Qna and Glam is always unfeeling or apathetic in every sketch or questions that even hints at Anna he had in his QnA, so i personally think Anna and Glam being sassy and disliking each other, having funny banter, trying to one up the other would be so.... Cool to see. Like Glam emoting and rolling his eyes at her, smiling while saying smth very passive aggressive, letting annoyed sighs when she's around... Idk, Glam disliking her and outwardly showing it!! And Anna giving it RIGHT back!! Idk, i may just be hungry for playful animosity interactions in MF, so it may just be me that wants this to be their dynamic.

See! Like!!! OK, I like this too!!!

Ok let me explain: We don't know everything about the characters right now! Except maybe Glam! So I have a couple similar-but-different versions of them in my head? They're slippery like a water slide! Like rolling a bowling ball in the adjacent lane! Because there's a bunch of headcanons you can make, right? We only have what we have of the show right now, and various sketches that might not even be canon by the time that plot point in the show is reached!

So like! I also don't really care about Anna? She shows up, like, twice? But! There's so many places she could go! And we already know Alina and Dima loveeee parallels so I'm stringing together characters with red thread like I'm talking about aliens!

Ches/Anna is like... they aren't DATING? They just hooked up. So they're not really TOGETHER? They're probably not together BECAUSE of what you said: Ches is everything Anna hates! So I get that!

THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOUNG GLAM SO MUCH THOUGH!!! It isn't healthy for HIM but that's ok he's ok now. <3 But he's so sassy and snippy and it's still THERE: just only when someone messes with his kids or Victoria usually! And of course it started out as a trauma response so it's still there but we're not going to talk about that in this post or else it would go on for 5 years. But yeah you're right it would be SO funny, I think realistically he would only be mean to her out of earshot/eyeshot of everyone else. Because then they'd be like "what the FUCK Glam???" otherwise. Quick enough for her not being able to react until way later, even. But that's still fun!!!

Vicky was shown not to be buddy-buddy with Anna as Ches is with Glam though? As in "oh, it's just you... fuck you, whatever, ugh..." so maaaaybe we'll get more of this through them? I think Vicky is supposed to be explored more in this season compared to Glam and the last one, so!!! I'm excited for that!!!

[im-in-love-with-pizza-bites]

It Takes A Village Chapter 13

Chris Evans x Pregnant!Daughter!Reader

Series Master List

Series summary: You find out that you're pregnant. After being kicked out of your mom's house you go to live full time with your Dad who you only saw once every few months. Will he react badly to you being a mom at such a young age?

Chapter Summary: You find out the genders of the babies and tell your family and friends. You also announce their names.

Series Warnings: swearing, fighting with a parent, teen pregnancy, speak of abortion.

Chapter Warnings: Teen Pregnancy

You sat in class paying attention to what the teacher was talking about. You didn't understand it but might as well listen. After school was your one of the most important doctor appointments you'll probably ever have. You were getting to find out the babies' genders. Your dad already gave you his prediction of, one girls one boy, Scott told you his last time you saw him, he thinks you'll have boys, you were hoping for boys, mainly cause the names you picked for them you fell in love with. You were gonna ask for your friends prediction at lunch which was next. You already had a plan on how to tell everyone the genders of the babies. You made it known the babies were gonna be named after Disney characters so you really just planned on sending your friends gifs with said characters then at dinner tonight since you were going over to your grandma's you'd just tell them the names. The press had also taken a break from talking about you and the babies so you were back on Instagram, not posting really you just posted stories, usually of dodger and how adorably protective of you, you also blocked you're mom as well as Jake.

You sat at lunch laughing with your friends before Leah brought up the babies. "I think it's gonna be all girls." She said.

"Yeah, both girls." Naomi agreed.

"All boys." Oscar said smiling at you.

"What about you two?" You asked Naomi and Marcus.

"Boys." Mark said agreeing with his brother.

"One boy and one girl." Liam told you

"What about you they're your kids do you have like hidden knowledge?" Oscar asked.

"That's not how it works." Marcus said.

"I'm hoping for boys so I don't have to choose who I name the baby after." You explained.

"Oh."

---

You were at your appointment. "Would you like to know the genders?" The doctor asked.

"Yes please! But can you not put them on the big screen? I don't want my dad knowing when he comes back in."

"Okay... Looks like your have two baby boys!" She announced. Your dad wasn't in the room, he left to used the restroom and you wanted him to also find out just through the names like the rest of your family.

"Really! Great, my dad and uncle both wanted me to name a baby after them." You said giggling.

"Oh do you already have names picked out?" She asked as she kept doing the check up.

"Yeah I had Ar-" You stopped talking as Chris knocked.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

"What's the genders?" Chris asked smiling at you.

"Nope you get to find out the same time as everyone else!"

"They're all healthy though." The doctor assured.

"Well that's all that matters." Chris smiles.

---

You sat in the car, Chris nagging you to try and get the gender but you just shrugged him off before texting your friends, admittedly you probably should've told your family first but you were too excited. Oscar and Marcus were bragging about how they were right. Liam said he was close. The girls and Oscar were gushing over how adorable the names are. Chris was driving the two of you home to get dodger then you were going to your grandma's.

"I'll get Dodger wait in the car bubba." Chris said getting out of the car.

Soon you made it to your grandma's house. Scott was the only one there.

"Was I right?" He asked.

"Can't tell you." You said.

"It's o and n her phone! Get it." Chris said loudly as he entered the living room, laughing as you and Scott began play wrestling over you phone. Not full-on wrestling more of you pushing him away as you held your phone as far from him as possible, which was with some difficulty as he's a bit bigger than you.

"Dad!! Help me!!" You whined. Chris smirked walking over and snatching your phone. He clicked on but was quickly stopped when he realized your phone had a passcode. "Ha!" You laughed snatching your phone back.

"Come on the wait is killing us! Can you at least tell us which one of us your gonna name the baby after if it's only one boy?" Chris asked.

"Dad your acting like a child." You teased rolling your eyes as your aunt, her husband, and their kids come in. Almost immediately the kids were hugging you asking the genders. "What do you guys predict they are?" You asked.

"Girls!" Stella exclaimed.

"Boys." Ethan said. Subtly your smile grew but no one seemed to notice.

"One boy one girl!" Miles said.

"Good guesses." You smiled, looking at your aunt and uncle. "Hi!"

"Hey kiddo." Ryan said ruffling your hair before sitting on the couch next to his youngest brother in law.

"Hey n/n." Carly smiled at you taking a seat next to Chris.

"What do you guys predict? Dad thinks it's one girls one boy, uncle Scott thinks boys, grandma thinks boys. Oh and I texted grandpa and he thinks girls." You said smiling

"One girl one boy." Ryan told you. You looked at carly.

"Girls."

"Can we know yet?" Miles whined.

"Aunt Shanna isn't here yet." You said. You looked away not noticing how Chris told the kids to steal your phone so he could try to figure out your passcode or find a way go unlock it with your finger without you noticing. Ethan grabbed it handing it to Chris as the four of them messed with your phone. Scott peaked over whispering something too Chris. You turned around looking at them .

"Hey! Give it back!" You said reaching for it but Chris quickly handed it to Miles and told him to run.  Miles ran off while the other four of them held you back from running after him. Laughter filled the room as you broke free following after Miles, Ethan, Stella and Dodger behind you trying to stop you. Well Dodger didn't know what was happening he just didn't like you running.

"Woah watch it kiddos!" Your grandma said as you four ran through the kitchen, a chorus of "sorry Gramma!" Was heard before you were out of the kitchen.

"Miles please!" You whined running after him.

"No!" The four of you made it back into the living room and, Miles handed the phone too Scott who quickly gave it to Chris who tried 3000 which didn't work.

"Did you really think I did a marvel reference as my phone passcode?" You asked laughing snatching the phone back playfully glaring at the two men.

"Scott's idea!" Chris blamed. The living room was filled with laughter as you settled down Dodger found his spot on your lap glaring at you for what you could only assume was for running around.

"Can you give a hint?" Stella asked.

"N-" you began but was cut off when Shanna walked in.

"Hi!"

"Yes! Now y/n can tell us!" Miles ran over dragging Shanna over to the couch making everyone laugh. Your grandma stepped into the living smiling at her kids before looking at you expectantly.

"Okay fine, the babies are boys!" You announced.

"I was right!" Ethan exclaimed.

"So was I." Scott said giving Ethan a high-five.

"What's their names?" Stella asked.

"Flynn and Felix." You said.

"After Flynn rider!" Miles exclaimed smiling.

"They're good names." You dad said. You smiled as he pulled into his side.

"What were the other name options?" Ryan asked.

"Oh, Ariel and Aurora. I said they'd be Disney themed I meant it." You said.

"Both of your kids are named after animated characters." Ethan pointed out.

"It's only a matter of time before Tangled gets a live-action version." You said.

"They're great names... But which one is named after me?" Scott asked. You giggled.

"Flynn Scott, and Felix Christopher." You said the full names except last name as you didn't know who's last name you'd use yet.

"Cute, well dinner's done." Lisa said smiling.

You all went to the table, the table was full of laughs nothing could be much better than this. You did of course tell your grandpa the next day, but today was about this. You and your cousins were laughing and messing around at one end of the table while the adults talked at the other end. Undoubtedly the adults were looking at you four smiling.

A/n: I was gonna name one of the boys Eric after Prince Eric from The little mermaid but I'm 90% sure I know a Eric and I try my best to not name my characters names people I know have. It only failed once cause I forgot about my second cousins. So and one of them shares a name with a character in this fic. (I'm not close with my cousins or second cousins that's how I forgot.)