#my whole world is crumbling appart

[shinypenguinpizza]

Hi

Quick question, would you say that the pizza of your profile pic is a pinneapple one?

My url is shinypenguinpizza it doesnt get more obvious than this

[lesbian-deadpool]

“Soulmates”

Part Two Of Three: It’s All For You

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Words: 3,273

Warnings: Canon, loneliness, grief… I’m sorry.

Request: For the anon who donated to the Australian Bushfires, who wanted angst. Well, you got it, buddy.

Summary: You.

A/N: Thanks again, to @missmonsters2 for helping me out with this idea.

(Not my GIF)

***

The world cried that night- The whole universe. The entire universe grieved as one that night. Every being had been affected, in the worst of ways, thanks to Thanos’s doing.

They were awake, of course they were. All of the Avengers were. That is, all of the surviving Avengers. No one was going to sleep tonight. it was pointless in even trying, really. But still, they did. Too exhausted with the battle and distraught with the loss, that all they could do, was lay in bed, and hope for sleep to take them away from this; This new-found, living nightmare.

And that’s where Natasha lay, curled up in the bed temporally given to her, in the Wakandan palace. Her friends laying in the surrounding rooms. Or if you were Rogers, pacing a hole into the floor. Natasha’s eyebrows were furrowed, as she replayed the whole fight, over and over again. Going through everything that she did wrong, could have done better, and could have done differently. Anything to make sure that the outcome was different. That they won.

Then she got to you.

You.

She watched you disappear over and over again. It was so vivid. Like she was living it all over again. The way your eyes dulled as she held you in her lap, how cold and dry your sweaty forehead had been when she kissed it. How you had vanished as soon as she had told you she loved you. She wasn’t even sure you had heard her. A part of her was glad. That way, if you came back, she wouldn’t have to deal with the heartbreak of you rejecting her, and her love. But mostly she was glad. Glad to get that off her chest. And after so long. Hoping deep in her heart, that she was able to give you some form of comfort and love, during your last seconds. And if she did manage to bring you back- bring you all back. Then she would happily deal with the heartbreak and everything that came with it. Because, at least then, you would know how she truly felt. And she just knew that she would remember this day- The sight of you turning to ash in her arms. Just as vividly, for the rest of her life.

Natasha didn’t even bother to wipe away the unstopping tears, that rolled down her cheeks. The salty water trails almost burning at her skin, just as it did her eyes, leaving her skin tight and irritated in their wake.

No.

She didn’t wipe them away. She just held onto herself. Tightly.

Just like you had done on many occasions. Too many, for her to even count. The way you would hold her after one of her nightmares, etched deeply into her mind. It was always you. You were there for her. Even if one of you were away and she had to call you in the middle of the night, just for you to calm her down, and tell her everything would be alright. Staying on the phone with her, until she fell back asleep, talking to her as she did. You made her feel safe. Always. For the first time in her life, she felt protected. Like she could get her guard down, as she lay in your arms. Soaking up in the warmth that you had offered her.

God, she fucking missed you.

So much.

And it hadn’t even been a day yet.

Exhaustion. That was the word best to describe Natasha at this point. Hardly able to keep her eyes open. The only thing keeping her awake, being the fresh grief pulsing throughout her body.

She needed sleep. Desperately. And she knew that. But with the thought of you replaying in her mind. She just couldn’t.

She needed you. At this moment, more than she ever had before.

You were always her hero. But you weren’t there to save her right now.

And God, she wished you were.

Burning filled Natasha’s eyes as she closed them. In one last sleepy bid to get some rest. Pushing the thoughts of you turning grey and crumbling away in her hands, from her mind. Instead choosing to think of your smile. The way it lit up a room, no matter how large, or sad it was. How it managed to fill her cold heart with warm brightness, like you had caged the sun and gifted it to her, letting it shine away in her heart.

Your silly jokes, that she would pretend to have, but would “secretly” adore. You knew this, of course. That’s why you told so many. Because of the small smile that would take over her face, and the way she would turn her head to hide it away from you.

How you would press a soft, warm kiss onto her forehead before you left for anywhere. If you- Or she had a mission. On your way to buck up some groceries, take out, or even going on a coffee run for everyone. If you were going home. Even the times you had left movie night early, because you were so tired, and just had to go to bed. Or else you would fall asleep where you said, and risk getting pranked by the boys. Who would try to graffiti your face with sharpie, stuff popcorn down your clothes, or do the classic ‘hand in water as you slept’ prank. If not for the red-head by your side, protecting you.

Ignoring the thought of ‘you’ll never see those again’ as best as she could.

In that moment, it felt almost as if your arms had curled around her, chin resting on her shoulder. And for that moment. For that one, what her old trainers would have called ‘weak’, moment. She allowed herself to think that you were there with her. That you were looking over her. You were there to keep her safe. To remind her that everything was going to be alright.

With that thought, Natasha finally fell into a tear-induced sleep. Dreaming of you, your smiling face, and the thought of your arms wrapped around her. Before it turned into your face, turning to ash, and drifting away with the breeze.

***

The next morning Natasha awoke to the thought of you, as to be expected.

With a hand upon her head, gazing up at the ceiling, her thought of you turned to your family.

Your family.

Oh God. Were they still here? Were they still alive?

And so that’s where Natasha lay, the morning after your death, scrolling through her phone, tracing the survival of your parents, and siblings. With bated breath.

The world had worked quick. Quicker than Natasha had ever expected. They had begun tracing all of the ‘Vanished’ as they had dubbed it. The list was few and far between, so Natasha totally disregarded it in her search. She was a super spy, she could easily find out if your family was alive, without the help of some website.

And what she found. Was truly devastating.

They were gone.

Every one of them.

Your parents. Your siblings. All of them. Even your Goddamn family dog.

Gone.

They were so proud of you.

You had once offhandedly told Natasha about how much they would talk about you, one night as you were having a drink at the bar together, to anyone who would listen. Telling them about how ‘their child was an Avenger’, ‘they were out there saving the world’, and how ‘you were a hero’. And you were. You were the greatest hero Natasha had ever seen.

At least they were with you. Wherever you were. If you were even anywhere. Lord knows that Natasha didn’t believe in any God that people would tell her about. The world was too cruel a place for any God to be overlooking it “protecting it” for them not to be a dick, because of all of the hate and cruelty this world has endured. Along with countless others across the universe.

Then Natasha was onto her next mission.

Penny Marring: Alive.

Natasha had some form of relief at that. Dropping her phone, and hand that held in onto her chest, her other hand balling into a fist, the fingers coming to rest against her lips, as tears started to well up into her eyes once again. At least you would have been happy at the fact that Penny was alive and well. Undoubtedly worried sick about you.

Fuck.

She had to tell her about you.

She had to know. And it had to come from her, and no-one else.

And so she did.

That same day, they were off, flying back to New York. Back home. To the compound, that was still alive with your memories. The memories that they could positively feel upon the deafeningly quiet quinjet.

The second they landed, they were bombarded with rushed questions from Pepper.

Natasha let Steve, Bruce, and Thor fill her in. But sadly that knew nothing of Tony, his whereabouts, or if he was even still alive. Along with the others that were with him. Natasha choosing to instead, show Rocket, the talking raccoon, to a place where he can stay for a while, and where the kitchen and other necessary rooms were.

Before she was off.

On her way to go break the love of your lives heart.

‘The love of your life’.

Natasha couldn’t help but hate the fact that you used to call her that, on so many occasions. Breaking her heart, more than it already was, every time you did.

Before she knew it she was standing before your and Pennys shared Appartement.

‘Well, just Penny’s now’.

A vicious voice spoke in the back of her mind. Causing all of the feelings, she had pushed away to come flooding back, akin to a tidal wave crashing down on her.

The sound of rushed footsteps on the other side of the door she had just knocked on, only made Natasha’s heart ache more.

The door hastily swung open, with at panicked, but relived, “Y/N?”

Penny’s face dropped at what she saw.

Natasha. And no you.

She broke down, not needing Natasha to say anything to tell her what happened. She knew you had disappeared with half of the world. She just didn’t know it was half of the universe.

Natasha couldn’t stop the streams of tears flowing down her face.

“I’m so sorry,” she choked out. Not knowing what to do, as she watched Penny’s knees grow week, forcing her to grip tightly to the doorframe, so she wouldn’t fall to her knees.

***

“I know.”

Penny’s raw voice drew Natasha from her far off daze. Blinking a few times, to regain herself, Natasha turned her head to look at the distraught girl sitting by her side on the sofa.

“Know what?”

“That you love her.”

Natasha’s breath got caught in her throat.

“It’s okay.” The brunette shrugged. “Who wouldn’t love her, really?”

“I’m sorry. I- I didn’t mean too-”

“No one means to fall in love, Natasha. Not really,” she said, reaching over to grab Natasha’s hand, squeezing it lightly in comfort.

“She loved you too, you know?” Penny continued, drawing a shocked look from Natasha. She couldn’t breathe. You loved her? That wasn’t possible. You were so deeply in love with the girl by her side, that it was insane. You were perfect together. Everybody thought so, “Like really in love with you. You were all they would talk about.” She let out a small teary laugh. “I’m sorry, too.”

“Why do you have anything to be sorry for?”

“I guess…” she breathed out a deep sigh. “I was just taking as much of her time as I could before you inevitably got together.”

Natasha shook her head, wishing for Penny to stop. This hurt too much, no matter how relieved Natasha felt that her feelings were, supposedly, reciprocated.

“And now she’d gone,” Penny concluded, “And you don’t get to spend your life with her.”

“Don’t be silly, she never would have left you.”

“Natasha,” she chuckled lightly, “If you would have tried, she would have chosen you in a heartbeat.”

She left a couple hours after that, making sure Penny would be alright by herself. When the girl had confirmed enough for her liking, Natasha finally took her leave.

Once the door closed behind her, she was free to berate herself for not confessing to you long ago.

Maybe things would have turned out differently if she had.

No.

Of course, they wouldn’t.

It was always going to end up this way.

Nothing could have stopped you vanishing.

Penny was such a nice girl, and she just wanted a slither of your love, before you left. And now she felt guilty for taking up all of your time, and Natasha hated herself for honing such disdain for the brunette.

And so Natasha started her walk back to the Compound, intending on climbing into bed, and crying this day away, before she had to busy herself with life and her duties to the world, the following day.

***

The year had dragged on incredibly slow, it was only to be expected.

It was the anniversary of ‘The Snap’.

And Natasha was alone at the compound, left to suffer with her grief alone. With nothing but a text from Steve, talking about some bullshit silver lining, or whatever. She couldn’t be mad at the boys. Not really. They had decided to move on. Sometimes she desired to do the same. Then the thought of you popped into her mind, and she just couldn’t bring it in herself to leave. She just wished that the guys would show that they cared more about the fact that you were gone. Of course, they missed you. They grieved you alongside Natasha. But they didn’t feel the same for you, that she did.

She needed you back.

Natasha was resilient, you had once called her ‘as stubborn as a mule’ which she guessed was true; but at times, exactly like this one, she was glad for that trait of hers. Which is why, beyond her better judgement, as she peered up at the start night sky, a glass of strong liquor in her hand, your choice of drink, and a lone tear rolling from her eye, she promised with everything she had, that she would get you back.

***

Four years later.

Time had dragged on. That’s for sure. 

It was meant to get easier, wasn’t it?

That’s what everyone said.

“The pain will fade”, “You’ll get over it”, “It will dull over time. Soon you’ll be able to live life like normal again”.

Yeah, well Natasha called bullshit on all of that.

Every. Single. Bit. Of. It.

The pain never left. It was with her when she awoke, all the way through the day, until her head hit your her pillow and she fell asleep within seconds out of pure exhaustion.

On most days, it was even with her as she slept. The pain rearing its ugly head and plaguing her dreams as nightmares.

She never got over it. How was she supposed too, really? It was impossible. How could she get over what happened? How could she get over everyone who disappeared? How could she, seriously, get over you?

It never dulled.

She just learned how to live around it.

Life changed. Nothing was as it was before. Nothing was normal. And if she was being honest with herself, she knew that it would never be normal ever again.

Natasha wished you were there. God, how she wished you were there.

You would make the cold, empty compound better in every conceivable way.

She thought that every day. And that’s where she was now.

Sitting at her desk, which was previously the compounds dining table, a glass of scotch in front of her, as the sun slowly set. Stewing in her own thoughts.

Natashas thoughts of you soon turned to Penny, after remembering all the times you had brought her to the compound.

She had met someone new.

A guy named Phillip something or other, Natasha had run into them at the store a little over a year back. He seemed nice, treat her well, and loved her, too. They were married at that time. And Natasha couldn’t help but think of how she would have never been able to do that. She would have never been able to get over you. After all. She wasn’t.

Steve told her that she should.

Repeatedly.

“I tell everyone they should move on. But not us. We don’t. We should. She’d want you’d to move on, Nat.”

That’s what he’d say, every single time he came over.

He ignored him.

Steve understood her. He lost Peggy in a similar way and was forced to move on, too. But in some self-destructive way, she didn’t want to move on. She wanted to keep on hoping, that someday she would find a way to bring you back. Because if she stopped hoping… she knew it would destroy her.

***

Thank God, for Scott and his quantum physics stuff. And thank God, for Tony Stark, for having enough brains to create a time machine, and have it fully up and functional.

The team was back together, with a couple of additions. That was all Natasha had ever wanted, for her “found family”, ever since those stupid accords were created. For them to stick together.

And here they were. They were going to bring you back. They were going to bring you all back.

For the first time in a long time, Natasha felt happy. And no matter how much hope she tried to have during those five lonely years, she hadn’t felt this much hope. For anything, really.

She could practically feel the excitement buzzing throughout her, as she stood on the circular podium, ready to get shot off into the past.

Natasha just could not wait to see your face again.

The face she had thought and dreamt about, every day that you were gone.

And now she was going to get you back.

Whatever it takes.

***

It was cold.

Natasha was cold.

She attributed that to the fear coursing through her body, at this moment. Dangling off the side of a high cliff, hand clasped tightly in Clint’s sweaty palm. Looking up at him, as he cried and begged for her not to do this.

She didn’t wast too. Not really. She wanted to see your face again. Tell you that she loved you and have you be able to reply this time, no matter what that reply would be. But this was something that she had to do. She had to get you back. She just had too.

“Natasha, don’t do this. Please,” Clint whimpered.

“I have too.”

“No, you don’t. Y/N. You have to see Y/N, again.”

“Tell her I love her,” Natasha spoke, almost as if she was confessing it to you. Wishing that she was looking at your face, and not Clints. But in a much nicer circumstance.

“Tell her yourself.”

“Let me go,” Natasha whispered, “It’s okay.”

Natasha fell backwards, with the sound of Clints screams all around her. And the thought of you in her mind.

Because, she contemplated, if she couldn’t see you in the flesh, one last time. Then the thought of you would be the next best thing.

With the memory of you in her mind. Your smiling face, bright eyes, and warm shining being. Natasha wasn’t scared anymore.

Because you were with her. Until the very end.

Taglist:

@womenlovingwomen-imagines, @shycucumbersandwich, @jxst-livin-my-life, @rofl987, @saltymaddiee, @marvelb00kwolf, @kangerland, @hernanadez-23

[rons-hermiones]

Come Find Me

Come Find Me

by rons-hermiones

Summary: Unplanned, Hermione is forced to spend Christmas at the Burrow due to her grandmother falling very ill. After being ignored by Hermione for weeks, Ron is determined to show her how much she means to him. Just before he gets the chance to tell her, Bellatrix Lestrange shows up with other plans for Hermione. Can Ron get to her before it's too late? (Ron/Hermione Half-Blood Prince AU)

Rating: M for language & dark themes in later chapters.

Chapter Thirty Four

Greyback’s nails sliced their way across Hermione’s throat as she yelled Ron’s name in anguish. 

“Mr. Weasley.” Someone hissed. 

Ron ignored the voice and leapt to catch Hermione’s crumbling body. 

“Weasley! Get up!”

“No Hermione please don’t.” He whimpered, too distracted by her lifeless body to notice anything else.

“Wake up!”

At the booming voice Ron sprung up. Panting from the aftershocks of his dream. And he must still be dreary because he swears McGonagall is leaning over his four poster bed in her dressing gown. 

“Ron, come on.” Harry whispered from his other side. 

His best mate's voice grounded him as he soon realized he was fully awake and that his professor was truly in his dormitory. 

And you’d think he’d ask why they were here, what’s going on. But he doesn’t need to. 

He already knows. 

“Hermione.” He practically moans as he throws back the covers. 

At the word, Harry and McGonagall also jump back into action, heading for the door. The older woman is halfway out before Ron stops them. 

“Wait.” He calls, making the pair turn, “Neville. He should come too.” The ginger says in a strangled voice. 

After a moment McGonagall agrees, “Mr. Potter.” She nods to Longbottom’s bed.

Harry complies, shaking a confused Neville awake. Like Ron, he seems to know what it’s about and is instantly on his feet. 

“Let’s go.” She whispers to the trio. 

Worlessly they all scamper down the stairs with a haste like no other. By the time they crawl out of the portrait hole Ron can’t find it within himself to remain silent any longer. 

“What’s going on?” He hisses to the professor. 

“There’s no time.” She calls from in front of him as her dressing gown billows behind her. 

The ginger grunts in frustration and wills himself to catch up to McGonagall. “Wait, please, just tell me, is she-is she alive?” He stutters out. 

At the cracking of his voice the old woman feels her chest tighten and stops. “Yes Mr. Weasley, she is.” Is all she can manage before running off again. 

At her words Ron feels a weight he didn’t know was pressing down on him release itself. Harry looks to Ron like he’s expecting him to say something, but instead, he just follows behind McGonagall again. 

Soon enough they reach her office. The three boys stand silently as she retrieves what seems to be a bowl of floo powder. 

“Here you are.” She says passing it into Harry’s awaiting hands. “St.Mungo’s. This will take you right to the Spells Damage entrance.” The professor said whilst nudging Harry into her fireplace. 

The dark haired boy fisted a handful of powder as he got ready to throw it down. Until Ron stopped him. 

“Wait!” He yelled, making Harry pause as all eyes found him. 

“There is no time to waste Mr. Weasley.” McGonagall scolded 

“They found her didn’t they?” The hope in his voice was like nothing else. 

She sighed in defeat and nodded, “yes, they did. I heard your brothers found her.” 

A small swell of pride bubbled up deep within Ron. He knew The Order was raiding the Manor tonight, but the fact that Bill and Charlie played such a hand in getting Hermione home safely means the world. 

“And she’s alright?” He asks next, voice shaking over every word. 

McGonagall’s lips pulled into a tight line, “She’s in St.Mungo’s.” 

“But she’s alright?” He presses. 

“Look Weasley, I know just as much as you do. If you’d like that question answered I suggest you do as I say and Floo over there now, yes?” She said a little testily. 

Repressing the urge to roll his eyes, Ron simply nodded to Harry as he did as she instructed. As the green flames engulfed his best mate, he nodded Neville to go next. 

“You need to tell Ginny.” It wasn’t up for debate. 

She nodded, “I figured you’d rather not wait for me to retrieve your sister and head over there yourself. I Plan on retrieving Miss Weasley once you’re on your way.” 

“Right.” He whispers, stepping into the fireplace and gripping the powder.

Just as he opened his mouth to be whisked away, McGonagall spoke again, “You take care of her.” Never in all his years has he heard this woman sound so choked up. 

Ron looks her in the eyes and nods with so much confidence that no one would dare question him. 

“Always.” He assured before being engulfed by green.

After his body felt thoroughly squeezed and pushed, he finally felt his feet land firmly on solid ground. Ron stumbled a little before his gaze finally fell on an equally anxious looking Neville and Harry. 

“Come on, this way.” Harry says, gripping Ron’s shoulder to tug him along, hoping it’ll help ground him to reality. To assure this was actually happening. 

However, Harry’s touch offered little assurance. Ron was terrified that this time was like so many others. The minute he laid his eyes on Hermione, the world would transform into a nightmare. Bellatrix cursing her, Greyback clawing at her. And Ron, he could never save her. 

Shaking a little at the horrible thoughts, he shook his head and willed himself forward. Soon enough mops of red hair entered his vision as Bill’s eyes snapped to his. 

Maybe this was real. 

“Ronnie.” His eldest brother breathed out before engulfing him in an embrace.

Finally, he allowed tears to stream his face, “Thank you Bill. Thank you.” He cried into his shoulder. 

After a few moments Bill pulled away, shaking his head. “Don’t thank me. I didn’t do anything.” 

Ron’s brows scrunched in confusion as he noticed Charlie joining them. 

“What do you mean? McGongall, she said my brothers saved her.”

“It wasn’t us Ronnie.” Charlie spoke. 

This did nothing but further his bewilderment, “What? But you were-“

“It was the twins.” Bill cut off. 

His mind was spinning. That can’t be right. The twins were all the way in Diagon Alley. 

The sickening feeling that this may be another dream was slowly creeping over him. 

“The-the twins?” Ron stuttered in disbelief. 

Charlie nodded in confirmation as Bill continued to speak, “When the raid started, they all started disapparating. We didn't even have anyone to take in.” 

“But it didn’t matter,” Charlie cut off, “That wasn’t what we were there for.” He reminded. 

“Right.” Bill nodded, “Anyway, after they left, we searched the whole place, The dungeons, the bedroom, and Ronnie, you were right.” 

“Huh?” He mumbled. 

“About Draco. I was the one who raided his room, it really was their house.” 

While this was something they all knew, the direct confirmation made Ron squirm. Malfoy was a foul git, but the fact he could be involved in something so gruesome, his own classmate. It made Ron see red. 

He knew that now wasn’t the moment to focus on that, not when his mind was racing a mile a minute. “How did she get to Diagon Alley then?” He whispered. 

Charlie began to speak, “We don’t know, we haven’t-”

“Ronnie.” He heard George breathe from behind him. 

Whirling around he met the twins' eyes, which were rimmed red and bloodshot. Before he could even question it, the pair was engulfing him in a hug. And Merlin, he doesn’t think he’s ever hugged them, either of them. 

“You found her?” Ron asked through tears into Fred’s shoulder. 

He felt one of them nod, “yeah.” 

At this, the three broke apart. The youngest wiped at his eyes with his hand, trying to pull himself together as he searched for answers 

They seemed to know what he needed to hear, “We were just walking home, Fred, he found her in an Alley.” George began.

“But how did-” 

“Ronnie, we think she apparated.” Fred told him quietly. 

“A-apparted?” He stuttered. 

George nodded, “Dad went to the Ministry to check the records. Look, we found her with a wand, there was no one around. There can’t be another explanation.” 

“A wand? Whose?” His voice rose, demanding the truth. 

However, the twins remained calm, “We don’t know.” Fred answered, “Dad went to look into that too, about an hour ago. Told us to wait.” He informed. 

Ron eased a little, there was no one he would trust more with this than his father. But the sense of calm was short lived as another thought crawled its way into the forefront of his mind. 

“And you saw her?” The words caught in his throat, “She’s real?” More tears streamed his cheeks. 

And after a moment. One that felt like it lasted hours, days, even. The paid nodded. 

“She’s real.” They confirmed. 

At those two words, everything he was trying to hold in poured out. Ron nearly collapsed in sobs before Fred caught him. 

“She’s home now Ronnie. She’s home.” His brother whispers gently into his ear. The soft words calmed him. 

Once he calmed a little he spoke, “She’s really back?” He had to be sure. 

“Yeah Ronnie, she is.” Fred promised, his green eyes piercing into his brother's blue ones. 

“Thank you.” He chokes out, then averts his gaze to George, “thank you both so much. I can never-“ 

“Hey,” George begins, “we didn’t just do it for you. Hermione’s as good a sister to us as Ginny is. She’s family. We’d do anything for her.” He tells him. 

Ron opens his mouth to respond, though unsure what to say. The statement held so much weight, yet somehow made him feel light at the same time. His emotions were running rampant. 

However, an unfamiliar voice cut them off before they could go any further, “Are you the party here for the young woman brought in earlier?” An old man asked in Healer’s attire.

Ron rounded to face him, nodding fiercely. 

The man didn’t look convinced, “you’re her family?” He questioned reluctantly. 

“Yes.” Ron answered harshly. 

The short old man still wasn’t convinced. The teen was ready to explode at the evident doubt until a soft hand gently squeezed his shoulder. 

“Yes we’re her family.” His mother’s kind voice assured. 

At this, the man finally relented and nodded to Molly. Ron turned gratefully to his mother who offered him a small smile through her misty eyes. 

“Being youre her family,” he said the word awkwardly, “I’m here to give you an update about Miss-“ 

“Granger. Hermione Granger.” Harry spoke up. 

For a minute the healer's eyes went wide, seeming to have noticed the Harry Potter in the flesh. And if Molly’s assurances weren’t enough, he wouldn’t dare question the Boy-Who-Lived. 

“Well I am Miss Granger’s healer, Pike Jamison, and I’m afraid I don’t come bearing the best of news.” 

Everyone went stalk still at his words. Healer Jamison took note and suddenly felt guilty. 

“We’ve stabilized her.” He cleared up quickly, making them all slump in the tiniest bit of relief. 

“But?” Charlie asked, knowing it was coming. 

“But,” he began sadly, “Miss Granger, she shouldn’t even be alive, we don’t know how-“

“Then why?” Ginny asked suddenly. 

And while Ron didn’t exactly like the question he was wondering the same. 

Jamison shrugged, “after the first war, research on unforgivable curses slowed considerably. Even today we have trouble understanding their true extent. I do know this though, the residual dark magic in her system is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. I’ve seen a fraction of that kind of magic killing even the most capable witches and wizards instantly.” 

“I still- I don’t understand.” Molly admits, voice riddled with sadness. 

“I’m afraid I don’t either. Once Miss Granger awakes, I’m hopeful of getting more information on her condition and how to tackle her treatments. Until that time things are rather...complicated.” He settled for. 

“Complicated?” Bill repeated. 

“As I said, the residual dark magic in her body is like nothing I’ve ever seen. The concern right now is that even the slightest bit of magic may send her over the edge. Sometimes if there’s enough dark magic in one's system it can consume any amount of magic and turn it dark. The cruciatus for example, attacks the nervous system at such a rate that the body can’t keep up to regenerate. She can’t afford to fight off anything else at the moment.” 

“So no magic? You can’t heal her?” Ron questioned bitterly. It wasn’t fair. Nothing was fair anymore. 

Jamison shook his head, “I’m afraid for now no magic, healing or otherwise, can be used on Miss Granger. I’m worried so much as a drop of dittany may be a risk at this time.” 

“Dittany?” George questioned. 

“It has magical properties. That’s what sews the skin together.” Bill answered for the healer. 

He nodded, “right you are young man. Until then, we’ve taken a more, uh, Muggle route to healing her. Myself, as well as my team, are trained in non-magical healing as well as magical healing of course. Miss Granger is very weak, malnourished, she has multiple fractures, some internal bleeding, cuts, bruises, you name it. And her mind-“ he sighed sadly, “we won’t know more until she wakes. Her scans show small trace amounts of cruciatus in her brain, but it isn’t enough to do any long lasting damage.” 

“That’s good though, isn’t it?” Fred asked when no one spoke. 

“It’s hard to say son, the magic, it moves through the body, it could’ve already attacked her mind and moved on. We just won’t know until she wakes. I’m sorry.” And at least he sounds sincere. 

Everyone seems to nod in acknowledgment at his words, but that doesn’t make it okay. 

After, everyone stands silent, unsure where to go from here. 

“Can I see her?” He asked so abruptly it made everyone stare at him. He squirmed under their gazes, “I just- I need to see her, please.” He almost whined. 

The healer shook the look of confusion and soon nodded, “Of course, right this way.” 

The door was nearby as the old man opened it and waved his hand for Ron to head in. 

As he walked into the white, sterile room, he felt his stomach sink. The feeling only grew as his eyes fell on the bed. 

There, laying in it was Hermione. She was real. 

But, he couldn’t will himself to focus on the prospect. Not when she looked so pale, sickly, and lifeless. 

Now he’s sure this is one of his nightmares.

[voidselfshipp]

The Tiniest Of Smiles

Okay to rb

~♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡~

Jerico frowned,she leaned in the table, and crossed her arm.

It did really scaped her.

How could Santos be so charming, so expressive during their misisons but not in his Daily life.

He always seemed cold...almost distant.

It made her heart ache, he also deserved happiness.

So she declared it was her solemn duty to make him smile at least for a bit.

If she had to crack that Shell Open with her bare hands she Will do so.

And she knew just her equal chaotic friend who could help her.

The phone dialed a number,she Waited in her room pacing around It,until Someone picked up.

--Nico!Nico I need your help!

--Whats up?--a voice said.

--So I have a plan to make Santos smile...but I need you to be here as soon as possible

--i sometimes admire you, you do know that he doesnt show any sign of human emotion,as if he was allergic to it.

There were two seconds of silence before both erupted in laughter.

--Okay okay!-- Nico said--ill be there in ten minutes, I wanna hear your crazy plan as soon as I can

Jerico hung up, and Walked to the kitchen to brew dome tea.

She was going to compleat her goal, whatever it took.

Nico arrived ten minutes later, as they said they would.

As soon as they saw eachother they hugged as if they havent seen eachother in years, though truth is that its been a week since their last encounter.

--okay...so heres the plan...--jer said,talking in quiet hushes, she didnt know when Santos could come back home.

The Next day jerico woke up to the sound of birds.

She rans to the kitchen to see if Santos had Ate the breakfast she woke up extra early to make.

She only found a note.

"I took it with me to work, thank you"

She gripped the note,first try,fail.

--Are you sure this Will work?--Nico asked--its not that I dont Belive in you...but..look at him....stoic as a statue

--we have to try at least!

Her friend nodded, and looked at Ravenna,who was peeking at the door, and nodded again.

Santos just raised his eyebrows as Emilio entered the room dressed as a chicken.

Jer couldnt help but crack up, noticing the detail that Emilios nose was painted Orange.

Her eyes went to Mario, but he was just out the room.

She sighed and sat on the table they used for their briefings,holding her head--okay...third is the charm...come on now!.

Some hours later jerico, with help of the rest of the team and her friend glammed up the briefing room,to look like the main Hall of a castle in wich a royal ball was happening.

Santos entered the place and quickly noticed the change, still stoic looked at his wife--And this?

--Just a tiny surprise...wanna dance?--She offered her hand and went to hug him.

Santos, softly pushed her back,shaking his head--im sorry...I have some work to do...--he tried to lift her chin up,but she Turned her head away and pushed past him to leave the room.

-- Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me?!--Nico roared as their hands slap the table.

Santos just looked at them confused--what now?

--Dont what now me Santos!-They said--jerico has been trying to make you smile this whole day and you havent done anything but reject her!, do you have any idea how she feels?!

--She knows I dont smile

--You dont smile, you dont show any emotion!, are you for Real right now?!

Medina put a hand on his lovers shoulder and squeezed it Gently.

Nico sighed--Ill go check up on her...the last time we talked she was pissed,if I find her crying I swear to all thats holly, ill roundkick your ass, got it?!

They left, slamming the door shut, the rest could swear they felt the whole building shake.

When Nico came back they had to be restrained by both lamponne and Medina, as they found jerico deeply upset,not crying, but very upset.

Mario for a moment did fear for his life.

He had Walked to his Office,knowing that jerico would be there.

And his suspicions were correct,as he heard the soft tune of music.

"I'm going back to 505

If it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive

In my imagination you're waiting, lying on your side

With your hands between your thighs

Stop and wait a sec

Oh, when you look at me like that, my darling

What did you expect?

I probably still adore you with your hands around my neck

Or I did last time I checked"

He heard her sing, if she had to whip out her guitar he was really, really in deep deep shit.

"Not shy of a spark

A knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark

Frightened by the bite though it's no harsher than the bark

Middle of adventure, such a perfect place to start"

He peeked through the door like a child, and his brows furrowed, and a slight smile appeared on his face.

"I'm going back to 505

If it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive

In my imagination you're waiting, lying on your side

With your hands between your thighs

But I crumble completely when you cry

It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye

I'm always just about to go and spoil a surprise

Take my hands off of your eyes too soon

I'm going back to 505

If it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive

In my imagination you're waiting, lying on your side

With your hands between your thighs and a smile"

As soon as jerico opens her eyes she hears the sudden clapping.

Her husband stands there with the biggest smile she has ever seen him with,leaving her guitar aside she goes to hug him.

He sweeps her off her feet instead, and sits her on his desk.

--All I had to do to make you smile is upset huh?

Marios smile quickly subsided, and so did Jers.

No..not Back at this.

And before he can say anything ,jeri breaks down in tears, hitting his chest with weak punches.

His heart breaks, And hugs her, finally listening to what his emotions were saying.

--Im so sorry--he whispers as he feels his throat getting choked up.

--You dont!you never feel anything!

His hands Cup her cheeks, forcing her to look up, his eyes water as he sees hers, drowning in tears-- I do...I dont show it because....--he looke away trying to clear his throat--im just afraid....afraid of being happy,I dont want to loose you,jerico

Jers hands Grab his and pulls him in for a hug--You wont loose me, I promise you wont, I love you too much...

He chuckles sniffling as some rebel tears run down his cheeks.

--I love you,you know that?i love you so much...

--i...I love you so much too...

Her eyes Open up and spark like stars when she hears what sounds choked up chuckles coming from Santos, then they transform into giggles, and then laughter, as he sniffs and holds her close.

--Youre my world,jer...

They pull appart, and jeri found another excuse to cry, as she saw the love of her life finally smiling with tears on the verge of his eyes

--you look so beautiful when you smile Francisco

Mario feels a tug at his heart when he hears her call him by his true name.

He smiles and kissses her-- I love when you say my name like that

Jer smiled--well...your name is as beautiful as you are

At night,after work Santos held jerico close,kissing her forehead.

--I love you jer...

--Me too

He smiles softly and kisses her.

--Your smile is so pretty

--Then I should smile more often...~

[lim-lifeinmotion]

To a boy just a little bit broken

To the boy that is just a little bit broken you sit here feeling, perhaps a little too much, or perhaps nothing at all I cannot say which one it is but sitting and digging I can say that much Lets dig deep down inside  because feeling everything or nothing just wont help you at this present time Yes there are times when being like this is perfectly normal, encouraged even! But not tonight, Tonight you need to figure things out, I am here to help Why are things the way they are? Why do you feel the things you do, do the things you do or perhaps not do things at all? How is it you have come so far yet have been through so much Was it all just a mask, one of which you no longer have? I have these feelings inside of me, I have talked to so many people, tried my at most best to heal, and have done such an amazing job doing so, yet it still lingers, will time help me heal? it has been so long now I thought i would have been better, perhaps i am but i will live with this all for the rest of my life - its a bitter sweet thought isn’t it? How are you helping yourself, what are you doing to move forward in life, if anything at all? To be honest my good sir, I think for a while now I havent been, Its been one hit after another through what feels like, every part of my life. Its caving in and everything is crumbling yet as hard as i may try at times, all I seem to be doing is helping it fall, giving myself any reason for an out, because after everything that has happened in my life, i no longer see me the way I used to. I dont want to be like that anymore. I have been trying to see to all these things, because i dont want to want to die anymore, but its so hard right now you know? The fact you see all of this and understand you want change is such an amazing and powerful thing Ryan, I do suppose you have had years of experience right ;) you know all these bad things that have happened have given you this gift among so many others, but you know that already dont you =) I do, it is just so difficult when it starts to affect those around me, my friends and family and above all, what it has done to Mitchell. I dont want to go through life hurting others, I became vegan for that very reason, because i dont want anyone or anything to suffer the way i have, it not fun to exist that way. You say what it has done to Mitchell above all else, what do you mean by this? He’s always been there for me from the day I met him, and when i met him I was healthy, but still just so broken as I am still now. I remember when I first opened up to him about these things, It was after a night out and we were almost to his appartment when I stopped and told him I needed to tell him something. I cried so much as the words slowly broke out from my lips, he just stood there, hugging me, wiping away my teams, telling me I was the most kindest, strongest and most amazing person he had ever met - I believed him, and because of it i still believe it to this day.  its such a bitter sweet memory, to think from here my past had entered my present and would slowly saturate my life once more. I know i was a mess, when i think about it everything was really about how i was feeling, I don’t want that but it was how it happened, I allowed myself to be filled with such a beautiful love from mitchell and stopped giving this love to myself, Do you know how draining that must feel? Because I truly don’t, I mean perhaps that is what i have been feeling lately? But i don’t know, I do know i dont want to be that person or do that to anyone anymore.  When i see myself I see a human that loves who they are, which i do, i love everything I am, the way I can make people smile, or laugh when they dont feel like it, I love the way I can look into somebodies eyes and make them feel so welcomed and wanted, I love the way I feel, the way I feel so deeply and so fully that even if it is not a pleasant or happy feeling, i love that I can feel these things.  So through all of these things why is it that i still feel like I am not worth the breath? How can I see all of these things and know them to be true but not feel like im worth something? I want to feel the way I know I deserve to feel, because only when I do can i really give those around me the fullest and purest love of all, only then can I stop absorbing everyone elses love leaving them with nothing, which i have done to mitchell and to william before him. it’s the same situation ironically, only this time the love of my life is also the most caring person I know, the most selfless and motivated person, and also my best friend. It is so sad to see this all go because i was learning so much from him, he made me believe i was the person he saw me as, the person I wanted to be, a safe place, finally i felt i had a home. He has done so much for me, as i said before, more than anyone has done for me, possibly even more than i have done for myself, he deserves to be happy and I know he has a lot to work through in his mind, because we keep coming back to the same things. I need to get better, perhaps I’ll never be rid of this feeling but at least I can say I never gave up trying. I wish I could reach into mitchells mind and take away all the pain, all the self hatred and doubt and confusion as he did for me, I would really fucking love to be ale to do this for him because he deserves so much more in life, he deserves the world because that is all he has ever given to others, he is just such a good, kind and beautiful person inside and out and It kills me to see him hurt like this, It breaks my heart to know I helped make him feel the way he is, that i helped make him the way he is, and I want with all my heart to help him feel better, because he deserves so much more. It is hard, it is so so so very hard to let things go, i never once gave up on myself, everything no matter how dark and how horrible it all may seem, everything can be mended, it may not be what it was before but it will be stronger and better because of it.  I need to believe this for myself because I haven given up on myself, not yet and I hope not ever, I need to believe that everything can be, that it can just be. And i know sometimes it is easiest to walk away and follow the path life makes for you, but I dont want to, I’m sick of just going where the wind blows me, I have the right to make a decision on where my life is going because I never did before, or i never felt like i did. But this is why it is so hard, because this is not only about me, and I know this although it fucking hurts, i know mitchell needs to do what is best for him, I would do anything for him, to help him get through what it is he is feeling, I want to help him the way he’s helped me, but i know he may just want to do this on his own. Its a bitter sweet feeling you have there, to fall into a place unknown filled with every darkness you have ever felt, and to continue walking, holding there hand as they whisper their intentions. We have so much more to talk about, but for now I think you’re hurting enough, Doesnt it feel good? To realise just how amazing and beautiful this whole journey has been? Those tears aren’t all because of your sadness, theres and smile behind them because you know just how lucky you are to have felt such incredible things, to have been so lucky to experience such, just great things with the most amazing person you know and have known. Those tears are beautiful just as you know you are deep down, but they are still tears none the less and you are allowed to hurt, you need to feel this way because your cup has been filled and you need to empty it to allow yourself to grow once more, away from all this darkness and hatred you no longer want. If this journey has a hand to hold then you will grow as two, If it is your own hand you are left holding then dont be sad, be happy because you want to take your hand once more, something you haven't done in a time i couldn’t even tell you how long. Be happy because you know Mitchell is strong enough to do the same, i mean what am i saying he’d beat your ass in this race blindfolded! =P So be sad but not forever, because if it is not okay, it is not the end.  And with that you shall leave me with a poem, ;) Thank you  To the boy that is just a little bit broken you sit here feeling, perhaps a little too much, but not nothing at all You feel the love you know you have for who you are next to the love from another man What a beautiful feeling it is, isn’t it? To feel so much love, its been a long while So feel the tears, the snot dripping down your face A gross but prefect mess, its okay To the boy that is just a little broken I promise you want be broken for long You see that love you feel can stay with you  It will never be gone, not really, no ever