#namjoon 2012 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mygloviesme · 6 months

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cool about it. || myg

no. 16: met you at the dive bar

predebut/debut!yoongi x female idol

summary: kanako is an established idol with a growing career and a secret relationship with a producer from her label, haneul. when she’s asked to work with yoongi and rm to create a track for her, she gains unexpected feelings for a certain upcoming rapper. with her increasing fame, her controlling boyfriend, a set of six boys who seem to have grown an attachment to her, and a new boy who’d give her the world, how will she figure out a way to balance it all?

(definitely inspired by boygenius)

word count: 4.4k

genre: ANGST, friends(?) to lovers, slow burn, fluff

chapter warnings: toxic relationship (not w/myg), mentions of mental health, literally half of this is smut holy shit, oral (m receiving & f receiving), bit of dirty talk, whats happening team

inspo song: stay away (its like that) by tv girl just for vibes

MARCH 30TH, 2012, 12:02AM

I spent a quick ten minutes to throw on whatever In my closet I felt suitest a club best. Everything about it is short and cropped and for some reason I thought that’s what it was meant to be. At eighteen I only knew what I saw in movies, so clearly that’s saying something.

I take a quick look at myself in my dorm room mirror, analyzing my black skirt and white top. I don’t think I’ve ever shown this much skin, not even on stage. And they have a tendency of putting me in the tightest, tiniest fitting clothes you’ve ever seen. But I feel like a woman with the way the skirt sticks to my hips like a second layer of skin. Or the way my hair hangs down my back so freely, since I have it in a ponytail most of the time. Convenience isn’t a necessity right now though. I just want to feel…sexy?

I cringe at my thoughts and zip up my black boots I don’t remember getting, putting on one more layer of lip gloss as I step outside to the dorm across from me. I take a steep breath before I open the door, seeing a usual sight.

No one looks at me for a second, not one eye on me. It reassures me that maybe I’m not making as much of a statement as I thought I was. It isn’t until Yoongi exits from the bathroom, a snapback on his head with a loose black shirt that definitely makes me feel things, that someone looks at me. He isn’t one to make many facial expressions, but this time all he does is smile.

“You look…”

“Holy shit.” Jimin interrupts him.

I purse my lips in a thin line, “Yeah, yeah okay. I know I look like a girl for the first time and all that.”

“I think we all knew you were a girl.” Namjoon snickers.

Yoongi gives Namjoon a punch on his shoulder, whispering a ‘what’s wrong with you’ under his breath. The tall boy apologizes but I’m too distracted by the way Yoongi’s shirt outlines his shoulders. There’s something in the air, and with the way this day started it’s a little more than unexpected. Maybe I’m feeling a little too free.

Seokjin coughs, “Alright guys enough of this, let’s go.”

I look around curiously but quickly, knowing I’ll probably need a jacket. I could always go back to my room but I think Seokjin is about to snap with anger if I keep him here another second. His eyes were just fluttering closed a minute, so that tells me he needs a drink or two in his system.

MARCH 30TH, 2012, 12:49AM

It took us a little longer than it should’ve to end up at the club we were going to be at. There was a lot of sneaking around the building quietly, going to the subway quietly, and finally starting our travels. We finally hit where the club was in a seemingly suspicious area. It had stairs leading down to an entrance where a bouncer was, Hoseok telling him we were with Dae.

The bouncer looked at a young Jungkook for a second too long and we were sure this night was going to come to an end. Instead, he sighed and let us in. I still don’t know if that was a good thing or not.

The music is quick to blare into our ears. The muffling became louder and louder until we stood in front of one more door, opening it to reveal a crowded room. A large room. In fact, I was sure everyone in South Korea was here. I turn to yell into Hoseok's ear, trying to fight against the buzzing that’s starting in my ears due to the club noises. “You sure I won’t be recognized?” I ask him, he shakes his head. “You’re alright. Dae said this place was super underground. Only people who don’t want to be seen come here.” Another uncertainty of whether that’s a good thing or not.

I breathe, in and out. Shutting down whatever feelings I might have in this moment. Because right now it’s just us. This is such a stupid and idiotic idea and I’d only be wanting to do it with them. I turn to Yoongi, smiling ear to ear, “You wanna get a drink?” I shout. He nods, eyeing the bar that’s not too far from where we stood.

I look at Jimin who looks at me, and I nod to Jungkook. An action that orders him to keep an eye on the young one. Not an ask, an order. He takes Jungkook by the hand to the dance floor energetically until they’re almost out of sight. I leap to grip on Jimin’s arm, “Stay close.” I add.

He rolls his eyes, “Kanako, I promise.” Finally, they disappear into the crowd of sweaty people. There’s already loads of men who look at me intently, but I take that as a hint to stick as close to Yoongi as possible. Taehyung goes to the dance floor with other young ones while the older boys follow us to the bar.

I lean onto the bar counter, noticing there’s no menu. I look around to see if I can see anyone else’s drinks that might look appealing, but under these lights they all look the same. Speaking of, all these people look much older than us. These are women and men, with a sprinkle of a few people in their early twenties. They all look like they know what their doing which makes me eager to do so as well. I can’t hide my inexperience with how hard I try, though.

“Whiskey, neat.” Yoongi says to the female bartender. She looks at me until the eldest with their answers. It gives me time to think on my own but I have yet to come up with anything during the few seconds.

The bartender laughs as she sees my confused face, “Don’t worry angel, I know what you need.” She says before going off to start on our drinks. It made my stomach flutter for some reason, with embarrassment or flattery I don’t know. All I know is that my chest is bubbling with excitement either way. I want this to be awkward, embarrassing, what have you. I want this to be a night to remember, and I’m sure it will be. I see a young woman walk towards the bar as well, an empty glass in her hand. She has a tight little black dress on and is clearly a little buzzed. She stumbles onto the chair next to me, tilting her head towards me like a cat to a mouse.

“You’re Kanako, right? Kanako Fujishima.” She asks/shouts. No one has referred to me that way in a long time. The way where they recognize you for your face on TV, or in this case, the girl who exploited herself to the top. I almost turn to Yoongi for help but instead I nod and smile.

“Yeah, I am.” I say like the famous idol in me would. She’s there, living and breathing underneath my soul. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get her back, but I’ll just pretend for now.

She hums, looking me up and down. “Real fucked up what happened.” She speaks bluntly.

My ears do a double-take to check if that’s what she really said, and with the expression on her face I’m sure it is. I’m about to answer until the bartender hands us our drinks, me being last. I can’t tell what color it is but it’s fizzy and waiting for a sip, so I do.

“Oh, fuck!” I make a sour face. The woman next to me laughs harder than one usually would, “Is that your first sprite vodka?” She asks.

I swallow while nodding, “I guess so. It’s gross.”

She pats me on the back and the bartender hands her a new drink. She takes it happily, giving it a sip and hopping off the stool. Before leaving she turns to me, her mouth fiddling with the mini black straw in her cup.

“Next drink is on me, ‘kay?”

MARCH 30TH, 2012, 1:42AM

We’ve all huddled on the dance floor together. We’ve only been dancing for thirty minutes and I’m still sweating like none other. They’re blasting early 2000’s music over and over again, but it’s good to lose yourself in.

Yoongi’s gotten more comfortable with putting his hands on me, and I think it’s the drinks. His fingers slide down my thighs from behind like he knows what he’s doing, and he’s almost got me convinced if it were for the fact that I know he’s never done this before. I slide my butt around the bulge of his denim jeans, knowing how much he’ll like that.

Namjoon is a sight to see in the best way possible. He’s dancing with some girl he told me has a ‘piercing in a place she won’t tell me, fuck’ and that’s being repeated verbatim. Clearly the drinks are going to mostly everyone’s head, a hot and messy Seokjin dancing playfully with Hoseok. Then, there’s the three troublemakers who somehow always make a very elaborate dance

despite the music switching every three minutes. Jungkook is having fun too even with being sober. I see his cheeks getting redder by the minute with how hard he’s laughing with every dance move Jimin pulls. Every once in a while I do ward off women who try to dance with him, stopping the grinding me and Yoongi are doing to put them in their place. But besides that, everything is more than amazing.

And the night is barely starting.

I focus back on dancing with Yoongi, intoxicated by the vodka that’s still burning my throat and his fingers that’re surely on the prowl. His long, veiny ones that I catch myself staring at for minutes too long on normal days. Whenever he plays piano and he caresses the keys like he’s trying not to hurt them, I think I lose it little by little.

I flip my body around and wrap my arms around his neck, swaying side to side. He adapts to our new position and fixes his hands so they’re resting on the slope of my hips instead. He bites his lip and I see a glimmer of danger in his almond eyes, making my head dip into his neck to give him a soft kiss. I can hear the echo of a groan from him as I perk my head back up to where it was. “I’m so in love with you.” He closens the space between our faces to say.

My eyes soften, “I’m so in love with you too,” I pause. “And I think I want to go down on you right now.”

“Right now??”

“Right now, but somewhere else. Obviously.” I respond to him, his mouth widened.

I take his hand and make a quick trip to Jungkook, leaning into his ear. “We’re gonna be back, don’t go anywhere.” I say to him and he nods. He’s distracted by a flailing Jimin but I trust that he understood me since he was as sober as sober can be. Plus he’s great at following orders most of the time, especially when it comes to me. He knows not to make me upset. Or else.

Yoongi follows my uncertain lead, pushing through the crowd to find an empty space. The density of the horde of people feels more endless than ever due to my tipsiness. I get quick glances from women I unintentionally pushed to the side but my mission is far more important to care. I need Yoongi right now and it’s almost killing me. We eventually meet the end of the dance floor and I use that to my advantage, walking down a long hallway.

“Kanako I think I’d be more scared of this hallway if I was sober.” Yoongi confesses.

I ignore his comment for a moment as my eyes roam the empty passageway until seeing a door with the outline of a woman on it. I let go of Yoongi’s hand to open it, seeing it’s a one-person bathroom. Perfect, I think to myself. I whip my head to him and grab his shirt to drag him inside, quickly locking the door so no one enters. I’m not sure how long this will take but I don’t mind annoying all the woman who’ll probably have to pop a squat outside.

Yoongi takes my face with both hands, pressing me against the cement wall. His mouth is fast and aggressive but it’s exactly how I wanted it to be. It’s so messy the way his tongue moves around my mouth, causing my breath to shorten by the second. We’re swapping saliva with hunger and I think I can taste the whiskey that lingers on his taste buds.

His hair is almost screaming at me to be touched so I run my hands through it, revealing the forehead I don’t see enough. His breaths, his hair, even the way his body feels against mine fully clothed, has me feeling something I’ve only known since I met him. Needy.

I sense the inside of my underwear getting slippery with my own wetness and I’m getting impatient for the warmth to be relieved. A finger swiping my clit would suffice, or even a knee jammed between my legs. I’d take anything. But this moment was supposed to be about him first, so my hands travel down to the zipper of his pants.

“Kanako,” Yoongi pulls a part from my breathlessly, his lips shiny from us making out, “I’ve never done this before, I just thought you should know that.” He breathes.

I lick my lips and stare at him deliriously, “Do you want me to be your first?”

“More than anything.”

I kiss him and smile simultaneously, nipping at his bottom lip before moving down to his jaw. I plant wet pecks around the curvature of his face, feeling his sharp jaw-bone underneath my kisses. I lick down his throat and suck on the space between there and his collarbone, making sure to leave a mark. I’m definitely not in the right headspace to think that one through, but I guess I’ll be the one to introduce him to concealer instead of his future makeup artist.

I like the idea of being the first to take him in my mouth, the idea that I know me being his first would make a great fantasy for him later. Not to toot my own horn.

My kisses end where his shirt starts, so I slide my body down the cement wall and sit on my knees below him. He scoots over just a bit to give me enough space, his hands on my head like he’s petting me. Which is way more sexier than it sounds. My fingers roam his thighs before finally unbuttoning his dark-washed jeans, gliding the metal zipper to expose his boxers.

They’re different from the day before we left for Jeju, they’re tighter. They hug his bulge nicely, creating an image in my head that will soon reveal itself. I climb myself just an inch to kiss down his happy trail. I want to extend this time as much as I possibly can, I want to make his first as pleasurable as possible. Despite it being in this janky bathroom. I know the certain situation is unfortunate.

I lick down to the band of his boxers, gripping my fingers so they tug on them slowly. I bring them down torturously slow, but I can’t help but make a show of it. He’s gorgeous, skin and all. I reach towards his dick eventually, sliding down until it bounces to the surface. I curl my fingers around the girth of him, flattening my tongue so I graze his dick slowly. I can hear his breath hitch, his body shake. His hands don’t know where to go so I switch my gaze to him, “You can move my head if you want. I like that.” I smile. The sight of me grinning with his dick in my hand only makes him shiver, nodding and closing his eyes as his fingers find their way to my hair.

He swallows as I go back to licking the head of his cock, swirling my tongue on the underside to encourage him to thrust into my mouth. He follows my que and moves his lower body slowly. When he gets to a comfortable pace I wrap my lips around him, fully enveloping him. I close my eyes and hold onto his thighs to help me inch towards the end of his dick. I intend to take as much of his length in as I can, not knowing if it’ll happen. But honestly I’m so fucked up by his quiet whimpers that I think I’ll do anything to him right now.

His eyes furrow as he lets out tiny moans, “Y-You look so…pretty..” He whines. I press my thighs together as the intensity of my need grows. Hearing him so lost and dazed with his cock in my mouth makes my saliva increase, dripping down my chin and onto my hand that slides up and down his length. “Pretty Kanako..”

The only way he talks dirty is by praising me, complimenting me. He’s never one to call me degrading names, he wants me to know how good I make him feel. He’s definitely subby in bed. I think I might even make him cry if I go over his breaking point.

“B-Baby, I’m…” He whispers, only focused on my sloppy tongue that’s sucking him down.

I hum against his wet dick and feel his hands drag my mouth up and down his length, taking control. He starts to fully mouth-fuck me fast and yet so gently, moving his hips so my nose inches ever so closely to his happy trail. His legs shake and his knees buck, throwing his head back to whimper my name over and over and over again.

Kanako, fuck, shit, Jesus Christ baby. I’m, I’m…

He continues using my mouth to please himself, the fluids from it foggy and thick due the precum that had been building up. It isn’t long until he pauses and his grip loosens. He’s too close to use me, so I grab his dick and stroke it swiftly. He sucks in his teeth before slamming his hand on the cement wall, pressing his forehead against it. He lets out a long moan and a familiar string of white shoots onto my chest. It doesn’t stop me from running my thumb under the head of his dick to make sure he gets the most from his orgasm. He moans, ‘ah…’ and shuts his eyes closed to feel the pleasure overriding him fully.

His chest slows down and he holds himself up as I adjust his boxers back in place, knowing he’s too hazy in the head to be able to do anything right now. It makes me smile just a bit and he opens his eyes once again, blinking at me who still sits on my knees.

“Come here.” He whispers, moving his position. I stand up with shaky knees due to sitting for so long. He holds me in his arms and breathes into my neck, burying his face. This wholesome, warm moment soon turns deadly as he moves his hand underneath my skirt.

“Yoongi, you don’t have to-”

“Shh.”

He’s the one to crouch down this time, caressing my thighs. The tips of fingers meet with the heat between my legs. It’s so obvious that I’m dripping with an immense amount of slick for him. It’s heated and his fingers only get closer. “Your turn.” He whispers.

He drags my underwear down my legs until they pool around my ankles. He lifts my skirt so it bundles around my stomach, my lower half being on full display for his hungry eyes. He kisses both thighs, his mouth disappearing as it travels to my closed lips. He places pecks on my pussy until using his tongue to spread me open. He licks a line up to my clit, giving it a soft suck.

“Oh s-shit.”

“My Kanako loves using her dirty words for me, hm?”

Oh shit.

I completely fold under his mouth blanketing my sopping cunt, lapping up my slick. His tongue maneuvers around so easily on account of how wet I’d gotten while sucking him off. His head bobs underneath me making my hips move slightly. It’s like the roles were completely reversed, him now being the one used. But it isn’t necessarily like we hadn’t ever done this before, for some reason Yoongi likes me being on top of him. I’ll never know what it is but I like seeing him completely lost in me.

“I’msofuckingobsessedwithyou.” He hums into my pussy, making me gasp loudly. Whenever he talks it feels like a vibrator is being pressed against my swollen clit, but I think it’d feel like that even if he wasn’t eating me out. I press myself into his mouth further, needing more aggression with his licks.

He starts sucking on me once again, pulling my clit softly with his lips. All I can see are his pretty brown eyes closed, once in a while opening them to make precious eye contact with me. His hands find their way to my ass and he strokes me gently, giving me a squeeze whenever he hits the same spot that makes me moan. “Yoongi…more…” I cry. We compliment each other so nicely with the way we’re so utterly needy for each other. After tonight I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my hands off of him.

He flattens his tongue and encourages my movements, so I ride his face just like before. I hold his head in place as I move on his tongue feeling every crease, every crevice of that tongue that I can. I lock myself onto a certain spot on my clit that I know will make me release, rapidly grinding my cunt against his tongue. “Y-Yoongi….oh my god-” I whine. This pleasure is unmeasurable to anything I’d experienced before. I didn’t know intimacy could feel this good until him.

My legs shake and I’m overcome with an overwhelming rush all around my body, pursing my lips in a tight line to hold in my cries. My mouth eventually opens in a big breath to make out a loud whimper, screaming his name like it’s the only word I know.

He doesn’t stop his tongue until a few seconds after, until I’m flinching with every suck to my sensitive clit that he makes. My eyes flutter and my chest moves up-and-down with every bit of oxygen I’m trying to hold onto. Yoongi does as I did, lifting up my soaked underwear back on me and sliding down my skirt. He places pecks on my exposed stomach that leads to my face, giving me a warm, deep kiss that catches me off guard.

I hold his face lazily as I’m still trying to gain back consciousness.

“That was crazy.” I breathe out which makes him laugh rather tenderly.

“It was good?” He asks genuinely.

I look at him with a bewildered expression, “Are you kidding? It was…the best I’ve ever had.” I say. He gives me one of his signature gummy-smiles in the midst of this hot and thick bathroom. The air is undoubtedly coated with sex but I’ll leave that for the next person to deal with.

Although Yoongi was never even inside of me, penetrating me, it’s still the most intimate experience I’ve ever had. It was full of love and care, and filth of course. But it was ours, most importantly. Not just his. And that meant the world to me and more. He took the time to make sure my needs were met as much as his.

And it was his first time receiving oral. I was his first. Me. Me. Me. Me.

“I’m the luckiest girl alive.” I reciprocate his smile, running a hand through his damp hair.

MARCH 30TH, 2012, 3:01AM

Me and Yoongi gather ourselves to exit the bathroom. I fix my hair quickly as he buttons his pants back up. Something about seeing him so giddy makes my stomach rumble with butterflies. And probably hunger. I’m so excited to go back to our dorm and inhale the rest of that bread.

I meet Yoongi at the door and as his hand grips onto the handle he turns to me, “Kanako, before we get out there, while we’ve sobered up. I want to ask you something.” He speaks with obvious anxiety. Because of the suddenness of his serious tone, I too get a worrying ping in my chest. He looks down as he asks.

“Can I be your boyfriend?” He whispers.

I lean down to where his face is, showing him my confusion. I know our unlabeled status must’ve made him think to himself sometimes, but the face he has right now made me realize I’ve let this uncertainty linger for too long. I never wanted to do this to him, but I also didn’t want to do it to myself. But this feels like the perfect time, the most hopeful time.

I stare at him, “Yoongi, you’re more than a boyfriend to me-”

“Kanako, please-”

“No, listen.” I insist, “You’re my…soulmate. I love you. Of course you’re my boyfriend, Yoongi. You’ve always been, I think. But I didn’t have the strength to say it at the time. I want you forever.” I assure him softly. His eyes meet with mine in a slow motion, observing me. I need him to feel my sincerity, my honesty.

“Kanako-”

Bang. A loud bang hits the door, frightening both of us. I jolt back and look at Yoongi who shares the same muddled visage. One more, two, and three more bangs until Yoongi swings it open angrily. I can only see half of who’s on the other side, and it looks to be the same woman I was sitting with earlier.

I walk over to Yoongi who is standing there with nothing to say. He just stares. There’s another person, someone taller than the woman. Someone with the same cologne. That Calvin Klein one that haunts me still. The same hands that I remember holding my waist, my face, everything.

And just like that, everything comes crashing down.

“Haneul?”

click here to read more of this story!

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heyyouknowbts · 10 months

Text

BTS Predebut Content Watchlist 2012-2013

This list includes official fan content and member logs.

Master post: BTS Content Watchlist

2012

Let's Introduce the Bangtan Room

Whatever this weird Last Christmas cover and video edit is

2013

January-May

130107 Rap Monster's Log

130108 Rap Monster's Log

130110 Suga's Maschine mk2 Review

130112 Jin's Log

130113 Rap Monster's Log

130115 Jin's Log

130119 Rap Monster's Log

130122 Jin's Log

130123 Rap Monster's Log

130124 Jin's Log

130125 Jimin's Log

130208 Jimin's Log

130208 Jungkook's Log

130212 Rap Monster's Log

130212 Jimin and Jungkook's Log

130214 J-hope's Log

130214 Jimin and Jungkook's Log

130217 Suga's Log (ft Namjoon annoying him lol)

130219 J-hope's Log

Harlem Shake aka the first time you really see the members being chaotic together

130224 Jimin and Jungkook's Log

방탄소년들의 졸업 - Making Film - can't find subs :( but there is almost no talking

130227 J-hope and Jungkook's Log

130228 Rap Monster's Log

130304 J-hope and Rap Monster's Log

130304 Suga's Log

130306 Jungkook's Log

130308 J-hope's Log

130309 Suga's Log

130313 J-hope and Rap Monster's Log

130319 Jimin and Jungkook's Log

130321 Suga's Log

130324 J-hope's Log

130326 Rap Monster's Log

130401 Jungkook and J-hope's Log

130402 Jungkook's Log

130406 Jimin's Log

130410 Suga's Log

130411 J-hope's Log

130425 Jungkook's Log

130426 Jimin's Log

130430 Suga's Log

130502 J-Hope's Log

130503 Rap Monster's Log

130508 J-hope and Jungkook's Log

130514 Rap Monster and Jungkook's Log

130514 Suga and Jimin's Log

130517 BTS' Log

Let me know if a link isn’t working, or if you find something I missed! My ask box is always open, anon or not 💜💜💜

#bts #bangtan #bts content #bts videos #bts content list #bts predebut #bts rm #bts suga #j-hope #bts j-hope #rm #bts v #jimin #bts jimin #bts jungkook #bts jin #jin #jungkook #v #suga

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moochi-daisies · 7 months

Text

2012. 06.

- 18+, minors DNI

- Content includes: swearing, alcohol, smoking, tension, sexy dancing and a kiss or two

- Length: 5.56k

- Side Notes: jk isn't the bad guy!! jin makes a dad joke, namjoon's rapping skills make their debut. yoongi is devastating. thank you for giving this a read if you do. i hope you enjoy <3

Find the rest here!

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Namjoon waved us over to the booth, Jin propped up next to him with a glass of water. Looking more alert than he had outside, he flashed a peace sign and a tiny smile. Jungkook was still perched on the back of the seat, lifting his glass and scrunching his nose as his lips curled into a grin. Tae was trying to get Namjoon's attention and hadn't noticed us yet, he had balanced the pink umbrella from his drink on the palm of his hand. The sounds of his yells muffled by the music but still loud enough to be heard from a distance.

The sight of them washed away the stress that had been building. Their dimples, pretty smiles and friendly bantering elicited feelings akin to a comforting sitcom. But instead of being characters, they were here in front of me. Caring for me. Laughing with and not at me.

I repeated a variation of a gratitude mantra as Hobi, Jimin and I closed the rest of the distance between us. In the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Lacey staring out in our direction from the bar.

Before I could blink, Hobi angled himself to block her out of my view. I tilted my head on his shoulder as a thanks and he pressed a kiss to the top of my head with an exaggerated "muah".

Once we were near the booth, Jungkook pushed himself onto the ground and stood in front of us. There was a worried look in his eye while he alternated between chewing on his bottom lip and flicking his lip rings with his tongue. Hobi and Jimin lifted their arms from around my shoulders, Jimin supportively cheering on Tae's umbrella trick and Hobi squeezing one of Jungkook's muscular shoulders.

With a knowing look at Jungkook and a gentle nod in my direction, Hobi pushed Jungkook towards me before sliding himself into the booth next to Jin.

Jungkook's eyes were chocolate marbles as he looked at me and I felt my heart dissolve into a puddle. Some thin silver chains glinted under the pulsing of the rave lights, dipping down into his oversized flannel. His physique was insane, I wasn't blind. But it was perfection to a degree that didn't make any sense.

The moments he had touched me played through my mind and I tried to understand how I hadn't been affected the way I was with Yoongi.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Lacey, I thought you knew" he blurted loudly and snapped me out of my head, back into the moment.

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his baggy jeans and hiked up his shoulders before continuing, "Kinda fucked up he didn't tell you in my opinion. I feel bad saying that and all but if a girl came all the way here for me? I dunno, I'm just saying.". Looking anywhere but at me and frowning, his voice trailed off at the end barely audible over the music.

Without thinking, I stepped towards him and reached my arms around his neck.

Turning my head to rest on his chest I pulled him into a hug as tightly as I could manage. Thick arms wrapped around my waist and he grabbed a wrist with one hand, locking me in place.

Secure.

The muscle definition of his upper body made him feel so solid. The warmth radiating from him enveloping me, holding me.

I could hear the beating of his heart stutter once before picking up. Wiggling my feet to press my body closer to his, I turned a wrist to stroke his hair.

Tucking his face down to speak into my ear, "What about Yoongi?" he asked quietly.

Not wanting to end the hug, I stayed pressed against his chest and slid one hand down from his neck to hold his face. Fingertips resting on cheekbones.

Turning towards him, "I'm allowed to hug my friend." I replied. I didn't know where the confidence had come from but it was a welcomed change of pace.

I could feel him smiling into my hair and his palms flattened out to hold me tighter. One wrapping around my lower back, touching near my hip. The other stretching up the middle of my back, fingers fanning over my ribs.

"So, we can dance?" the happiness in his voice made me giggle. I nodded against him as he lifted his head back up. Dropping his chin and nestling it in my hair. He started to turn our bodies, swaying us gently side to side.

We stayed like that until the song that had been playing ended.

Breaking away from me and sliding a hand to grab one of my own he lifted an eyebrow.

"So what kinda moves ya got?" he said teasingly and I laughed back at him.

Keeping our hands held, I turned and lifted his arm up, pulling it over my shoulder as I backed up against him. Slowly, I began rolling my hips. Small motions at first, getting bigger as I felt him moving with me. The hand not holding mine slid around me, suddenly pushing my stomach, pressing the length of my body closer to his. Leaning his head down he nipped at the top of my ear.

Spinning away from him I turned back with a frown, only to see him staring flabbergasted, mouth hung open and his round cheeks shining red.

Oh no, he's adorable.

The music pulsed out a steady rhythm, drowning out voices. So instead of leaning in close, I stuck my tongue out at him. Biting it and pressing my eyes shut. He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, turning to look down at the floor. Pulling his arm, I guided him to the booth with the others who thankfully had not been paying attention.

"You guys never believe me!" Tae was blubbering without the tears.

Jimin shook his head and Namjoon held one finger to his ear before half singing, half rapping his retort, "That's becaaauusee you drama king / You liiiieeee about such silly things". He wiggled in his seat and continued, "Tae Tae Tae, you do yo thang / Better cut it out quick / And go out with a...BANG!".

Hobi was doing a back up dance for Namjoon's impromptu song, dropping in supportive ad-libs and beatboxing.

"You guys are gonna make him cry for real" Jimin groaned, glancing at Tae's shaky bottom lip.

Namjoon held out a fake microphone for Tae to continue the song and a look of elation bloomed across his face. Bouncing in his seat he turned to Jimin after pretending to take the mic from Namjoon.

"You have to harmonize with me ok? I was thinking we could do a song about beach umbrella's, you know, the really big ones?" He was animated as he spoke, the pink umbrella toothpick now tucked behind one ear.

Jimin nodded, then glanced towards Jungkook and I. "He's not allowed to get these goddamn umbrella things in the future that's for sure" he snipped while rolling his eyes, getting a sympathetic laugh out of the both of us.

"JK, get me a drink for the love of god. Please and thank you" Jimin pursed his lips towards the bar, "You know what I like. No. Motherfuckin. Umbrella's." he finished. Death glaring up at Jungkook.

Jungkook chuckled before heading towards the bar and Jimin patted the seat next to him, gesturing for me to sit down. While Tae was engrossed in doodling performance notes on a napkin on his other side, Jimin lifted his eyebrows at me. His expression seeming to ask if everything was okay.

I gave him an exaggerated wink and thumbs up as a response and he laughed, pushing my shoulder gently. Namjoon and Hobi were both dancing now and stood up to move towards the dance floor. Hobi's lanky limbs were hitting each beat while Namjoon found his groove, moving his feet slowly and doing most of the work with his arms.

I smiled fondly at them before glancing at Jin. His broad shoulders took up most of the booth, how they ever managed to fit themselves in a singular space was like some sort of magic trick. Sweetly tilting his head to the beat, he clutched his cup of water and took his eyes away from Tae to meet mine.

"I'm too fuckin' old to hang with these guys" he joked and pouted out his lips. Good lord, his lips were as fluffy as cotton candy.

"You're not old" I yelled across the booth, "you're just a lightweight!" the teasing caught him by surprise before he snorted a laugh.

Leaning across the table he beckoned me to come closer, "What does a baby soybean call its mother?" he asked.

My eyebrows pulled together in confusion and I looked at him questioningly.

"Eda-MOM-e" he shot back before bursting into laughter and smacking the table.

The sound of his laughter and ridiculousness of the joke got to me. As soon as we started to calm down, a glance at each other set both of us off again. My stomach ached by the time Jungkook came back with drinks for everyone. Jimin raised an eyebrow at him, "These all for me?" he asked.

Jungkook shook his head before settling next to Jin and dispersing drinks around the table.

Looking down he finally gave his response, "Lacey gave us all another round on the house. She said she hopes we're all having a good time" his tone was even and emotionless.

Jimin gave a small "ah", snatching the umbrella out of Tae's new drink before he noticed it was there.

"Relationships are gonna be complicated right? Don't let it get to you too much and just enjoy yourself. Yoongi's gonna regret not trying with you so just, keep trying because YOU want to try. Not to get him to try ok?" Jin's tone was big brotherly. I didn't know what the latter part meant but I nodded at him with a smile.

Jungkook looked off into the distance, not saying anything. A hand wrapped tightly around his drink.

The lights in the venue went dark again before a voice boomed through the space, "You've come all the way here to see him, you'll keep comin' back to see him again and again- please welcome to the stage, Agusssstt D!". The crowd erupted into cheers and the music started, Yoongi hyping up the audience as the momentum started to build.

Most of the people in the venue were now on the dance floor. In unison they jumped up and down, head banging and shaking the floorboards.

Jungkook grabbed my hand and excitedly started to pull me into the mass of people. Keeping a tight hold he navigated us through with expertise, people moving to give us room almost too easily until we were in the center of the dance floor. We glanced at each other with wide grins before whooping supportive cheers out for Yoongi, a ripple of cheers echoing after us.

People's arms began to lift and hips began swaying. Eyes closed around us as the crowd began falling into the rhythm of the music.

It was too easy to slip into. To get lost in. I didn't realize I had been staring at Yoongi, unmoving until Jungkook's hand lifted mine to his shoulder. Jumping a bit, I remembered where I was and locked eyes with him. Trying to forget the churning in my stomach that came from watching Yoongi on stage.

He looked beautiful up there. Like he was channeling the music through his body, like what he had created was more than just artistic self expression. There was a bigger picture to it all.

Jungkook's body rolled against mine, sending shivers and the pulling of a string down my spine and below my stomach. Facing him, we started moving to the beat. Both my hands on his shoulders, his on my hips - pushing them lightly to control the movement.

It quickly began to escalate.

Turning me around, he pulled me roughly back against him. One hand staying around my hip while the other lightly took hold around the base of my throat. My hands flew to grab the waistband of his jeans, pulling so there was no space between us. My back slightly arched to press my ass further into his solid frame, our hips began to roll together.

Gyrating against him, I started to feel him harden. The thin material of my dress not doing much to soften the sensation. The fingers he had wrapped around my neck started to strengthen their hold, the back of my head meeting the muscles of his chest. His head dipped down towards my ear, the sound of ragged breathing tingling down my legs.

The hand on my hip pushed forward across my stomach, palm flat with fingers finding the waistband of the tights underneath my dress. He pinched it between his index and thumb before dragging his fingers and bunching my dress in his grip.

We continued to roll our bodies together. The fluidity of the movement making it difficult to register the presence of anyone else around us.

"Oh fuck" Jungkook shakily breathed into my ear and my eyes fluttered open. Not remembering when they closed.

A small circle of space had been made around us. The people closest to us weren't making judgmental expressions, but wolf whistling and "woo"-ing in support. The fever dream feeling was back.

With the start of the next song by Yoongi, Jungkook had turned me around. His thigh pressing between my legs, one hand holding the back of my neck with the other wrapped around my waist.

His eyes were closed, his breathing heavy. My arms had found their way around his torso, feeling muscles flex along his back as he led the directions of our steps.

Moving a foot forward, the muscles of his thigh rippled between my legs. My inner thighs clenched around him and he brought his forehead down to press into mine.

Drumming his fingers against my waist, I watched him bite his lip while the hold on the back of my neck tightened almost painfully.

By the time the next song began to play, Jungkook's face had twisted up. Not in pain but with the building frustration of maintaining self-restraint.

He looked so cute.

I wondered if Yoongi kept testing my self-control just to see a similar expression on my face.

Kissing Jungkook's cheek I stopped moving, whispering the word "breathe" into his ear before smiling and lightening the movements. Moving back to keep some space between our bodies, he grimaced at first before flashing a grateful smile at me.

We turned towards the stage, bouncing up and down and bopping our heads. Jungkook shouting some lyrics that I didn't know yet.

We stayed like this for a few songs as we both tried to get control over ourselves. Losing ourselves in the music instead, joining the atmosphere curated by the rest of the crowd.

That is, until I saw Lacey coming up to the side of the stage. Handing Yoongi a drink and traipsing her fingers up to the collar of his shirt. Giggling and flirtatiously smacking his shoulder.

I don't know what came over me next.

Jungkook and I turned to face each other simultaneously, rolling our bodies once again. My hips floated around in circles, Jungkook matching the motion of my body with his own.

The crowd around us pulled back, giving us room and whooping as we danced.

I turned my back against Jungkook, pressing my ass against his pelvis and leaning forward. Pulling his hands to grab my hip and the nape of my neck, we began to move. Grinding against him, I felt him responding. Matching my intensity and giving in to his own desire.

Suddenly, he was pulling me up against him. Turning my head and leaning his face towards mine.

His lips pressed against my own with a soft moan. I opened my mouth slightly to flick my tongue against his lip ring, gently biting his bottom lip before deepening the kiss.

My arms stretched around his neck, fingers gripping his hair as he turned me towards him. The fronts of our bodies earnestly pressing together. He shifted slightly, holding me in place with one hand, grabbing my ass with the other.

Briefly pausing the kiss, he pulled away to look at me. The serious look on his face out of character from the Jungkook I had seen so far.

"I don't care if you're just mad at Yoongi" the directness of his words caught me off guard, his eyes darkening. "I've wanted to kiss you since we picked you up at the bus stop.".

Not giving me time to respond, his eyes lowered and he leaned back in to kiss me. Pushing his tongue gently to swirl around my own, he sighed. The softness fleeting as he gave into the moment, pulling me with him.

It didn't take long before his hips started to press against me in a way that could no longer be considered dancing.

"Ah" he whimpered against my mouth, "wait- wait.". His fingers were pressing hard into my waist, clinging to me with hands trembling.

I wanted to stay lost.

I didn't want to wait.

His lips were soft but firm as the kisses turned desperate.

The feeling of his body against mine felt like the only thing keeping me grounded. One arm slipped from around his neck, fingers crawling under his flannel to press into warm skin.

"What if I say no." It came out as a moan and he broke away from me. Burrowing his head into my neck and pressing kisses into the nape.

Without saying anything, he turned me back around. Our left hands held over my shoulder, the other holding onto his forearm as he wrapped his arm back around my stomach.

Keeping our bodies pressed against each other he started moving us gently. Holding his pelvis away from me as I tried rolling my hips back to feel him.

Turning my head towards him, a sheen of sweat glistened on his neck. It looked so strong, like if I reached my arms around it and jumped he would catch me.

Trying not to remember the view of Lacey flirting with Yoongi, an urge to lick the sweat off of him came over me.

It's what a friend would do right?

I couldn't just leave it as it was, what if it was uncomfortable for him?

Craning my head and tilting my chin up slightly, I dragged my tongue along his neck. Kissing and biting the base of it without thinking anymore about it.

Jungkook gasped, slamming his lower body against mine and I turned back to look ahead of me, smirking at his reaction. Pleased with myself.

Pressing his lips against my ear he rasped out, "No more" and I inhaled deeply. Yoongi back in my line of sight, an unsettling feeling wormed its way back into my chest.

Leaning my head against Jungkook's arm, we stayed as we were. Slowly swaying together, hips in sync but without the passion that had taken over us both. A silent understanding passing between us.

We stayed that way until the show was over, breaking apart to applaud for Yoongi. He was as good as everyone had been telling me, a pulsing in my eardrums leftover from the resounding sound.

I wanted to ask him what inspired it all. I wanted to be there while he was creating more. I wanted to write stories about what led him to making music.

I wanted to be his muse and I wanted him to be mine.

My entire body felt like a heartbeat as the crowd started to disperse. Jungkook next to me was still shaking, pushing his hair back and staring at the stage.

Lacey was waiting there, along with the rest of the guys.

All of the spit in my mouth turned into a dry paste. Walking over there was unavoidable.

Jungkook shook out his shoulders, nodding to himself and grabbed my hand, marching towards the group. My legs wobbling as I followed.

Lacey greeted us with a big smile, a stark contradiction to the look on the boys faces behind her.

"Wasn't he amazing?" she asked me and I nodded, feeling mute.

"I'll call y'all a cab and make sure your car doesn't get towed over night. I'll drive Yoongi home, so don't you worry about him" she continued on, speaking generally to the group. The second part caused a visceral reaction, stinging me, and I flinched.

I couldn't look at Yoongi.

Anger was bubbling up in an attempt to cover confusion.

Jungkook hadn't let go of my hand and he squeezed it. I could feel him looking down at me, but I kept my eyes on the ground.

Hobi piped up, throwing an arm around Yoongi. "Helluva show man! Killed it, as usual" he lowered his head to find my eyes.

I lifted my head up, finally looking at Yoongi.

"Yeah, you're really incredible" I said softly and a pained look flashed behind his eyes, before he nodded.

"I'll see you all at home real soon okay?" he didn't look at me while he said it but it felt like an attempt to comfort me.

The guys and I turned to leave, Jungkook attached to my side. Yoongi's eyes followed after me as we walked away, every time I glanced back he was still staring. The expression on his face making me wish I had said something to get him to come with us.

Once we were in the cab, Tae and Jimin began drunkenly professing their love for each other.

"No man, you mean so much to ME" Tae's voice cracked at the last word.

Jimin sniffled back, "No man, you mean EVERYTHING to me". They held each other closely, pointing fingers as they made increasingly dramatic declarations of love.

Namjoon and Hobi were still bobbing their heads, dancing with their hands and singing different choruses from Yoongi's songs. Both taking turns to serenade me before turning towards each other and making instrumental sound effects.

Jungkook said nothing, keeping my hand held in his lap. And Jin looked back at us from the passenger seat, a kind smile on his face before turning and resting his head against the cool window.

Everybody stumbled out of the taxi when we arrived at the house, loudly thanking the driver and waving him off as he drove away.

My feet felt heavy as I walked up the steps.

Nothing about this trip had gone how I imagined.

Jungkook and I stayed outside to smoke while the others filed in.

"So, um, maybe we don't tell Yoongi about what happened" Jungkook spoke up first. We were sitting together on the couch, my head leaned against his chest with one of his arms wrapped around my shoulders.

"Do you think he'd be mad?" I asked, wondering out loud.

"I don't really care about that" his tone sharpened, and he paused to exhale.

"I mean, I won't be able to lie and say that it meant nothing to me." he continued, "I'd fight for you if it came down to it, and Yoongi would let me take you.". This surprised me.

Staying quiet for a moment, words ran through my mind before settling on, "What happened didn't mean nothing to me either Jungkook. I don't know what to call it, what happened back there and I'm not saying that I don't like Yoongi. It's just, different with you.". The words fell between us. Leaving us in a peaceful silence.

After we had walked back inside, I couldn't convince myself to lay down in Yoongi's bed without him. So I joined Jungkook on the couch.

He blew out a groan before flopping onto my lap, turning on the TV and bringing his legs up to curl onto the cushions.

Absentmindedly, I began running my fingers through his hair. Poking my fingers through his silver hoop earrings and tracing up and down the length of his neck with my nails.

One of his arms reached out to hold my thighs and he buried his face into his arm. Murmuring a sound of relief as he did.

Hobi came out of the hallway, brushing his teeth and wearing a fuzzy headband that pulled his hair back from his forehead. He looked shiny and clean, a giant t-shirt falling to his knees over plaid pajama pants. Two froggy faced slippers smiling up at us, covering his feet.

"Namjoon and Jin went straight to bed" he explained, mouth full of toothpaste. "Ish probably not gonna be long before Yoongi gesh home. You ok?" He ended with a raise of his eyebrows.

I nodded, feeling Jungkook's head wiggle on my lap.

Hobi paused, never stopping his brushing while he looked at us.

"You two behave?" He questioned and Jungkook's hand grabbed at my thigh. Turning my face down to hide my blush I nodded again.

"Yeah, we danced. We'll be good though don't worry" Jungkook's voice muffled out from behind his arm.

Hobi didn't move for a moment, narrowing his eyes at us. He moved as if to say something before holding himself back, nodding his head and turning to retreat towards the bathroom.

"I wouldn't be mad if you didn't" his voice echoed out from the hall. And at that, Jungkook and I collectively sighed. Laughing to ourselves at the relief that came from Hobi's statement.

A loud clanging came from the kitchen, Tae and Jimin's voices griping out curse words that followed a loud "thunk.".

Jungkook lifted himself off my lap and we both got up to walk to the kitchen. Laughing at the sight before us.

Tae had curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor, apparently defeated by his fall. Jimin was big spooning him, holding a pan stretched above them in one hand, several others scattered on the ground.

"I just wanted to make some foooood" Jimin groaned, tucking his chin against Tae's shoulder.

Tae patted the hand Jimin had wrapped around him weakly, "My brother, the kitchen has won this time" his voice husky with remorse. A few moments later, soft snores from both of them carried throughout the kitchen.

Jungkook and I tried our best to snicker quietly before turning the lights off and returning to the living room.

I grabbed a blanket from the couch before covering them up. Shaking my head and giggling as I walked back before I saw the look Jungkook had on his face.

"Everyone's asleep or in their rooms now" his voice was low. Some of his hair was sticking up messily while he turned to looked down at his hands.

My stomach lurched.

The feeling of our kiss earlier washed over my body and I crossed my legs. Squeezing my thighs together and trying to remain levelheaded.

Thinking of what Lacey and Yoongi were doing brought a wave of impulsivity.

But that wasn't fair to Jungkook.

I didn't want to kiss him to get back at someone else.

He deserved better than that.

Gingerly sitting next to him, my arms wrapped around my knees. Peering at him, I nudged his shoulder with my own.

"Do you want to kiss me?" the question came out softly.

Round eyes found mine, he was chewing on his bottom lip again. Ringing his hands together, muscles tensed.

I knew the answer. But I asked it so I could let him know, "I want to kiss you too Jungkook. But we have to stop there. I'm sorry that- I wish I hadn't- maybe it'd be better if-" swiftly reaching out he held my face and pulled me to him.

Cutting off the stuttering words.

Giving into the feelings that we both didn't know how to respond to.

I could float away with Jungkook and still feel safe.

Whereas my feelings for Yoongi body slammed me to the ground. Trapping me in my body, giving no room for escape.

The kiss was sweeter than it had been in the venue. One of my hands drifted to the hem of his shirt, grasping it as it tightened into a fist. Trying to refrain from reaching for his skin. His large hands cupped my face gently, a thumb stroking along the top of one of my cheeks.

Pressing our lips together a few more times, we lingered on the last. Mouths slightly opening for tongues to flick against each other.

He pulled back abruptly. Turning towards the TV and sniffing.

An ache filled me up.

I wanted to take care of him.

I wanted to take away any hurt he was feeling.

I wanted some reason to give him for liking Yoongi so much. I wanted to pretend that I didn't, to see his puppy energy return and laugh with him.

"I'm okay." he chuckled softly, briefly glancing at me. "Thank you for that.".

And with that we leaned back against the couch. His arm going back over my shoulder, my head slightly turning to rest against his chest.

I couldn't pay attention to what was on the TV and zoned out until the sound of footsteps lurched me upright. Jungkook switched the TV settings to turn his game on and Yoongi walked in through the front door.

"You waited up for me" surprise was in his voice as he faced us. I nodded my response, unsure of what would happen next.

Jungkook said nothing, focusing on his game and ignoring Yoongi who eyed him up and down before turning to me, "Let's go to bed then?" he said simply. Walking off down the hall to his room.

I stood up to follow, squeezing Jungkook's bicep as I did. A hand reached out to grab my leg, stopping me from walking away and I turned to look down at him. Instead of looking up at me, he nuzzled his head against my thigh. Wrapping his arm around it.

A pang shot through my core and I reached out to stroke his hair, combing out the messiness with my fingers.

He tightened his hold for a moment before releasing me, going back to his game and pressing his lips together.

The walk to Yoongi's bedroom felt a mile long. He had one lamp clicked on when I entered. The nervousness on his face made me assume the worst.

That he was going to tell me about Lacey actually being his girlfriend.

That he regretted inviting me.

That he was sorry for saying yes at all.

Instead, he lifted both arms and wrapped them around me. Hugging me tightly. I wrapped my own around his waist, blinking manually and trying to calibrate what thoughts were running through his mind.

One hand stroked the back of my head, our faces tucking into each others necks.

Butterflies danced along my skin, bursting out from within me.

"Thank you so much for being here, I wanted to play that show for you" he murmured into my hair. My vocal chords disconnected from my brain, all of my attention absorbing how he felt, how he smelled, how his voice trickled into my ear.

Pulling back we smiled nervously at each other. "I'm gonna go wash up" he said, turning his back to leave.

What happened with Lacey?

What did he mean, he wanted to play that show for me?

What happened with Lacey?

WHAT happened with Lacey?

The artwork lining the walls of his sanctuary spun in circles around me. When he came back from the bathroom, I left without saying a word.

Feeling dumbfounded, rattled.

Shaken.

I washed up in a stupor, not recognizing my reflection as a person. The features of my face swimming in front of me, turning me into some kind of fucked up Picasso painting.

Trudging back to his room, I found Yoongi already in bed. The weight of my body felt yanked in to the Earth by some sort of super-gravity. Each step taking all of the effort I could muster.

Stepping as far away from him as possible, I lowered myself down onto the mattress. Laying flat on my back and staring at the moonlight shining through the window. Yoongi was laying flat on his back next to me.

The movement of the air between us felt like it was dancing. The beat of my heart pounded through my ears loudly enough that I was sure he could hear it. We both tried breathing quietly. Arms straight by our sides, laying stiff like wooden boards.

My eyelids started to feel heavy until I felt a brush against my pinky. Yoongi sliding his fingers through mine to hold my hand.

Our fingers closed around each other, his thumb slightly drifting up and down along the space between my thumb and index finger.

We stayed like this for a while until I felt his head shift to look towards me. Even in the dark, I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep.

"I like you, you know that right?" he whispered. There was a pleading urgency in his voice that made a tangled knot form in the back of my throat.

I squeezed his hand once, both of us drifting off to sleep.

11 notes · View notes

btstwtarchive · 1 year

Text

Top Tweet: 121222 [Text] 안녕하세요 랩몬스터라서 랩몬스터인 랩몬스터입니다. 드디어 세상에 이 노래를 꺼내놓게 되네요. http://bts.ibighit.com 방탄 공식 블로그의 audio란에 제 자식과도 같은 짧은 랩을 올려두었으니 강제로 와서 청취하시길 부탁드립니다.

121222 [Text] Let's Introduce BANGTAN ROOM!

ARMY NOTES: -This is the first time the official BTS Blog was linked via the bts_twt account. The blog post in the tweet can be found here. -The youtube link posted in the bottom tweet is the same video that can be found in the official blog post. A version of the video containing English subtitles can be found here.

#bts_twt #2012 #december #121222 #pre-debut #untranslated #OP_RM #bts rm #kim namjoon #namjoon #kim namjoon 2012 #namjoon 2012

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ezamevolni · 7 months

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Traces: 2jin detour

So this post is strongly speculative and theory-based. Meaning that I'm reaching for the connections. But after spotting some interesting correlations between the events when placed on the same timeline, I'm putting this out there so maybe the you who's reading could take a look and tell whether there's truly a thread here.

One of my favorite YT Jinkookers moonbathingrite had made a great video that opened my eyes to the possibility of 2jin being a thing before Jin and Jungkook. (Note: she never said that they were, but did present interesting parallels between 2jin and Jinkook who came later)

2jin is the ship name for Kim Seokjin and Jin Hyosang.

Jin Hyosang, also known as Kidoh (ex-member of Toppdogg), used to be a BigHit trainee and was in the same underground rap group (DamNamhyup) as RM. He was actually in one of the final lineups for Bangtan (based off a poster) but joined Stardom Ent. some time in late 2012. The likeliest reason for switching agencies probably had to do with creative issues since BTS did go through a major revamp before debut - the original lineup of 'rappers only' eventually turned into a choreography heavy, idol group.

Kidoh was able to start releasing mixtapes with his new members in March and April of 2013, and later debuted officially in October. If you look at Toppdogg's debut album, Kidoh had writing credits on almost every single one of them. He even had a solo track, which was a major indicator of how much the agency was planning on pushing him.

Kidoh's connection to Jin is one of the rarer K-Pop phenomenons I've seen - fans shipping two male idols from different rookie groups right out the gate. This was mainly bolstered by Kidoh's fans all being acutely aware of how extremely infatuated he was with Jin, and Kidoh's encouraging responses. There was even something of a love triangle being touted back in 2013 between Kidoh, Jin and Rap Monster 😐 Ancient times were different 😺

So fan spectacle aside, how credible was 2jin being an actual item?

Truthfully, not very much. Because the affection was simply too lopsided to call it a relationship. Kidoh seemed enamored by Jin but Jin was generally aloof and cavalier in return. Of course, you could argue that Jin had always been a master of disguising his emotions but taking into account their careers at the time, it would have been impossible to date anyway (even if they wanted to).

For a more comprehensive history on 2jin's social media interactions, you could check out this 2jin blog - here (look at the number of notes under each post...considering the small fanbases att and this being the international side, it's impressive)

And if interested, here's an overview of predebut BTS - reddit

And if you're wondering why I'm bringing an ex-idol/trainee/friend into the picture, stay with me :)

Jin moved into Bighit's dorm on July 29, 2012 and the very next day, Kidoh tweeted about Jin:

When Jin...or maybe not Jin, tweeted using the group account at the end of 2012:

Kidoh possibly already left BigHit by then

Commenting on a post by BTS_twt with a candid snap of Jin:

Kidoh's tweets about Jin were always harmless but had just that unnecessary hint of... attentiveness?

So with these social media traces, his affection for Jin was known since their trainee days. He had left enough crumbs online for the shippers to gather rapidly in their debut year.

On a related note, it's amusing how there's essentially no traces of Kidoh and Namjoon's friendship despite these two being in the same underground rap group far longer than either ever knew Seokjin. Joon was there the whole time and yet, there's no signs of the rappers knowing each other. In fact, they barely interacted during their special collab stage for Show Champion in 2014.

And it might have been fine to label his affection for Jin as overly-affectionate-best-friend feels, but Kidoh definitely toed the line at times:

One more picture! Gay goosebumps..

And maybe Seokjin was also aware of the possibility of Hyosang being romantically interested in him because

Fan: Seokjinnie oppa! Who is Jin Hyosang to oppa?

Jin: not gay haha

TBH I had doubted the credibility of the post it at first because I found it on a 2015 tweet:

But I did spot this translation from way back in 2013:

Jin's response is incredibly telling of the whole situation because first of all, he had to be aware of what the fans were thinking when they asked him the question. Secondly, he skipped over several thoughts to arrive at 'I'm not gay' because the question wasn't asking if he was??

(and the response is so deeply closeted iykwim)

Meanwhile Kidoh was on another wavelength:

Q: What is Seokjin-shii for Hyosang? K: Destiny

Personally... I've heard best friends refer to each other as 'soulmates' before, but never 'destiny'. His answer seemed to imply another layer to their friendship.

Another interesting aspect of 2jin was the way Jin used to tweet about Kidoh, where his habits later carried over when he was tweeting about Jungkook.

For example, Jin would add his name to the end of a sentence:

I am too, fascinated-jin #kimseokjinhyosang

@/BTS_twt My friend is debuting, its fascinating-jin..

Jin's tweet for Jk's birthday in 2013:

Jungkook-ah Hyung will always be on your side I love you-jin Happy Birthday!

It's like his little watermark to say he was the one who tweeted.

And that hashtag #kimseokjinhyosang conjoining the two of their names <3

That's a thing Jin once did during mid-2016 on the day of Jinkook's waterpark date.

Seokkookie

And of course it's cuter when Jin did it for Jk and himself, because it was half and half of their names. He will cram them together even if none of the alphabets are the same ❤️

These little things that Jin would do for his closest person/friend remained constant but of course, the two relationships were probably not of the same nature.

The difference mainly being Jin - his attitude towards Hyosang and Jungkook was like if you compared night and day. Indifference vs great affection.

Here's another set of 2jin post its famous for the contrast:

Q: What do you like about BTS' Seokjinie oppa?? K: Lips .. (Shy)

The similarity of his answers to our younger protagonist is surreal.

...And here's Jin's answer to the same question posed of Kidoh:

Q: Hyosang said he likes your lips the most. What do you like the most about Hyosang? J: Money

He's consistent. Still focused on moneys when it comes to other people 🤣😋

Other than these traces of the 2jin friendship, you can explore their lore further on the blog linked above. You'd understand what I meant by how Kidoh 'encouraged' the shippers. Jin lived rent free on his mind.. he got mentioned even when Kidoh was interacting with fans on entirely unrelated topics. It didn't seem like fan service because the moments were so random and neither of them seemed to actually care about the reaction.

There's also some Yt compilations comparing how similar 2jin's personalities were, both a little eccentric, loud and confident about their looks. It is easy to tell why they clicked.

So it's interesting how Kidoh appeared rather infatuated with Jin.. which Jungkook's attitude resembled at times. Everything else aside, his focus on Jin lasted throughout their trainee period together up to the last second of their fallout.

Considering how forward Kidoh was and how they'd still meet each other backstage at music shows, it's certainly possible that members of both teams had observed 2jin's interactions and knew about their close friendship. And for someone who was in close proximity to Jin and paid him a lot of attention, he might know they're close and perhaps had wondered about the nature of the two 92-liners' relationship.

The fallout seemed to happen out of the blue.

On November 8, 2014 Jin and Kidoh still seemed fine and had taken a selfie together

And on Jin's birthday, Kidoh tweeted a polaroid of themselves and a short message:

Isn't it funny how they looked like twins

Then before the year could come to an end, BTS_twt was discovered to have unfollowed Kidoh.

Shippers who were watching 2jin's moves saw that Kidoh also deleted many of his posts related to Jin. Following this, on Christmas Eve he tweeted:

Lamenting how he was single and surrounded by couples.

Whether it's actually related to Jin or not, I can't say. But the timing of the tweet did coincide with his abrupt disconnection from Jin. And sadly these two had never interacted, or at least publicly, ever again after December 2014.

And on a very loosely related note, Jungkook had posted his cover of Crush's Sofa on Dec 16 that year

Which was a melancholic breakup song speaking from the perspective of someone who's clearly been dumped.

As armys we know more than to dismiss the lyrics of Jk's cover songs right... so the timing of this cover seemed pretty interesting in the scheme of things.

So that's something to think about there.

My own loose theory is that there was something more than friends there going on but not enough to call it an official relationship. And for the sudden 'breakup', it could be anything. Maybe it was business - had to do with Kidoh's lawsuit that surfaced half a year later, or personal - a failed confession... the possibilities are whichever you believe in. (My dream is for Seokjin to publish an autobiography at the age of 40 and spill all the tea) As for how Jk fits in... I have no idea how much he knew (did he ever ask or did Jin ever tell), but that lil cover showed he was probably aware of events in this arena.

LOL Didn't I say that I was reaching 😋

And unfortunately, the story for Hyosang kind of kept going downhill for a while. The following year, he filed a lawsuit against his agency for mismanagement of his career, and then in 2016, was convicted for drug use along with ex-Bighit trainee Iron.

After the ordeal, he returned to the industry as a producer for AOMG and almost exclusively produced for Woo (Woo Wonjae). He's under the new monicker Khyo now. That lasted for about 2 years and more recently, he doing DJ gigs at festivals.

So he's up and still doing music 🙌

This ended in a sort of somber note with the lost connection between 2jin....

But the silver lining to it is that both of them are living well, and I'm not a 2jin shipper 👻✨

#jinkook #kookjin #jinkook traces #2jin #it's a detour that comes back onto the main path

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jung-koook · 1 year

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As a new army I'm fascinated to hear about people being fans from the start. And you've been here pre debut! I would love to hear your story. How did you find out about them? Was there as much info about trainee groups then as there is now? What drew you into them? Were you into k-pop before? What was your reaction to tae's face reveal? Thoughts on the debut album and performance? Were there translations easily available? Are you friends with any army from those days? Which was the first show you went to?I would love to know everything! It's incredible you've seen their whole journey in real time. (So many questions i apologise lol)

I dont know if this still happens so often but at the time they debuted it was quite common for us to know information about new groups even before they debuted. so in december 2012 i was on my laptop on a kpop forum and they were talking about bighit and their new group. I remember at that time they said that bangtan was going to have a lot more members. and there were already people sharing photos of the members, video of namjoon rapping and also their youtube channel. and thats when I got curious. at that time i was missing something totally different in kpop and i saw it in them and especially in namjoon (i didnt know about jeongguk when i found out about them). at that time bap had debuted with something very different from what they used to have in kpop but i didnt feel connected to them or curious about them, but with bangtan i got curious as soon as i heard about them.

i've been listening to kpop since i was a little kid. i have an aunt whos been a fan of tvxq since they debuted so she was the one who made me go deep into kpop. at that time the only group i really liked all the music was shinee. i even cut my hair like taemin in lucifer but i looked like a dog lmao. replay and lucifer is one of the few songs from that era that I still remember the full choreography 😆 but i think what made me like shinee besides their music was taemin and jonghyun. I thought he was so amazing and I still think he is one of the most amazing and talented artists we have.

ever since i found out about bangtan every video and stuff they posted had me so mesmerized and hypnotized. anything they posted I said, "they are amazing!!!" 😆 I think their debut album was amazing and managed to show very well what they came to do and show at that time. I think their first album was perfect! but since I always liked groups from big companies, it was very hard to see how different the treatment is for those who are debuting from a small company and those who are debuting from a big company. and also how hate came to bangtan since they debuted. it was something that was very hard to see. you've probably seen them talking about it and how it went for them right. at that time I had a need to read and wanted to defend bangtan from everything. now I'm not like that anymore but I still feel super protective of some things. even though I dont think I had to waste time on these things, sometimes its really hard to stop myself.

we didnt have so many translations at that time :/ here on tumblr we had bangtan tumblr from the beginning. they had another blog until they made bangtan tumblr. and soon a already had bts-trans. I'm not 100% sure but I think bts-trans was the first source of bangtan translations we had. and for good quality video content we only had one source which was _helloflora on twitter. and yes i made a lot of army friends since the beginning but most were all namjoon and yoongi biased. I think because they are older than me. my first concert was in 2014 in zepp tokyo which was their first showcase in japan.

dont worry!! I loved your questions and I loved sharing some more of my bangtan story with you ♡

#reply #anonymous

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stormblessed95 · 2 years

Text

Jikook Dynamics Through The Years: 2015 Pt 2

The previous posts for 2012 - 2015 can be found in my masterlist under Jikook Dynamics as well as I'll link them here for you. These few months in 2015 is when things that things really starting becoming more... interesting between them. Lots happening. Something important to keep in mind that I'll be sharing moments, AND my personal opinions, along with facts. My opinions are my own. You can agree or disagree. I encourage you to go and check it all out, see this content for yourself as well and form your own opinions during this time frame too. I will be splitting this up into multiple different posts probably to manage the length and be able to add more links/photos in each post. But also keep in mind this is not EVERY jikook moment from this year. I'll only be including moments that I personally want to and feel like it's worth drawing attention to and commenting on. This is long. I'm sorry! Part 2 will be covering May and June of 2015.

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May kicks off with strong with a jikook selca on Twitter! Thanking ARMY for being there for I Need U promotions and saying they are having fun, even though it's only been 2 day! This selca comes from them being special MCs together. Which you can watch here.

Bonus. Also on May 1st is a dubsmash video from JK. Not jikook related. But too cute not to include lol

150505 The Show airs an interview with BTS about their I Need U MV. They rewatch the MV and talk about it. Jimin states he wants to burn away weight and stress. JK gives him a funny look when he says weight before agreeing with stress. JK also shouts JIMINSSI as he does when Jimin's childhood photo is shown. Also lots of cute giggles here from everyone. This was filmed earlier, and also on this day, they had a live radio broadcast interview. Which was the infamous interview where Jimin gets asked why he likes JK so much and Tae says that he thinks Jimin just likes men 😅 Lol You can read my full post over that moment HERE.

The after-school club special show happens this day, 150505, as well. Very busy these guys were! Highly recommend watching it if you haven't. Jikook sit next to each other in the front. Lots of cute little interactions with them and with everyone. JK clearly has a lot of energy this episode. I'm not going to talk about everything (just watch it!) I'll just highlight a few answers given. Everyone picked Jimin as the member they want to take on a Rollercoaster ride. Lol Jimin named JK as his bag boy. Clearly JK does a lot of carrying things for Jimin. 🤣 Jungkook in this episode too also named Jimin as the member who helps him relieve stress. Jimin is at this point clearly someone who JK feels very comfortable around, can be vulnerable with and feel safe expressing those stressors and finding help in moving past them or dealing with them. JK also this episode made funny faces at Jimin a few times in an effort to make him laugh.

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150506, BTS perform at Show Champion. Performance here. And they release a few days later the Show Champion Backstage Footage. Which includes 10 minutes of cuteness. Including jikook being cute and close, including talking about boxing together and being very playful and teasing about Jimin's abs too. JK was in a tease my hyungs mood that day for sure lmfao

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150507, BTS' first win with I Need U. And its a video that emotional as hell 😭 As for jikookery, Jimin got very emotional and ended up not wanting to be on camera while he was crying. JK noticed and tried to lend him comfort over it all before Jimin walked off to collect himself alone for a bit. Namjoon, JK and Hobi all comforting Jimin in the elevator after too 🥺

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150508, the morning kicks off with Jimin sharing posts of vminkook and puppies 🥰 and much later in the evening of the day, Jimin posts 3 more times to twt, thanking ARMYs many times for their award. He posts selcas with every member. With Tae, with Sope, with Jungkook Jin and RM. We also see them on this day heading off to music bank in matching fits.

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150510, BTS appears on Changmin's Gayo Plaza radio show. Jikook sat next to each other. During the radio show they all mention how they recently moved into a bigger dorm room! Before that, they were all in the single room. Now in this new room they had the roommates of Yoonjin, VhopeMin and Namkook. With them pointing out that JK often just slept in the living room too. Lol when asked about singing and dancing live at the same time, RM said JM and JK should answer. JK hedged around a bit and said because they had 7 members to spilt parts up, it wasn't THAT hard. And Jimin cut him off going "I ALMOST DIED!" With everyone's giggles. They also all talked about how they relieved stress. JK basically said he doesn't get stressed, doesn't know how to recognize that. And Jimin talked about how he doesn't know how to relieve stress and how he likes food, but also needs to lose weight and so he basically does nothing. There is alot more happening in this interview worth watching as well, but honestly it's just a good insight into their mental whereabouts during this time and things going on in their lives. New dorm. Busy lives. Jimin struggling a bit stress wise. JK struggling a bit with vulnerability in my opinion, especially around other people/cameras. Jimin didn't talk too much and JK had a hard time sitting still through the interview, but it was a good one and they all had good energy with the host and each other through it.

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Also on the 10th, A safe driving commercial was released. Has nothing to do with jikook, but anyone who hasn't seen it really needs to. Lol as well as JK posting a dubsmash video to twt. On the 10th as well, they depart from the airport to go to Kota Kinabalu to film Summer Package 2015. You can read my post over that here. Lol also a cute aside bonus link.... Taekook got lost at the airport. 😅😂 They are there from the 10th through the 13th. On the 13th before they leave, JK posts another dubsmash. And Jikook film a log in the hotel room together late at night. One they were just hanging out in, not their own. JK was rooming with Tae and Jimin with Yoongi during that trip. So they were just choosing to chill together 💜 short and cute:

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On 150515 they held a fansign and jikook had quite a few cute moments. Including Jimin telling everyone that JK hugs him when he sleeps. Cueing a flustered JK trying to deny everything. Lol my post for that here.

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Jumping forward 5 days to the next fansign in Ilsan on 150520, jikook once again sit next to each other and have a quite few playful moments (an example). But my favorite would be when Jimin got up to pretend to be a fan and JK reached up and tickled his chin. And looked so proud of himself. Lol and Jimin lost his mind, the definition of shook. Here is a video of the moment. Jimin was literally so taken aback. Lol couldn't stop smiling and saying things like "he just touched my chin! He's never done that before." And JK also could not stop grinning. Babies 🥺

On 150524, JK recommends a song by Kehlani called You should be Here, an openly queer artist. On 150526, JK recommends a song on Twitter called Can't Help Falling In Love by the Eels. He ends up recommending quite a few songs by them over the years. But for this song, he has it stopped on the lyrics, "If I can't help falling in love with you." Only 15 seconds into the song according to his screenshot. Relatable to his life at the moment or just a song he was vibing with? Who knows.... including it anyway.

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On 150527, they are on YamanTV. This one well it feels like hosts are incredibly cringy though BTS handled it well. Its funny in lots of moments, but cringey in lots too. I don't think you'd ever catch them doing a similar type of interview at the fame level they are at in recenf years. Lol This is one where I will say watch if you want, but no pressure if you just want to catch the highlight round clips since it's so long and a bit cringe. Lol jikook highlight clips for those who want to only watch those.... 21:27 Jimin enjoys JKs muscles/forearms. 25:00, jikook arm wrestle. And Part 2 of YamanTV. Both these parts were released in June, but filmed on this day in May. And again, for those who want to just watch specific clips where I'll highlight jikookery.... 1:30ish in, For Jimins segement, his keyword is "pervert" and one of the hosts makes a play on words joke with "pervert" vs "coming out" and says that Jimin is coming out for his segement. Jimin did NOT seem to find this funny at all (don't blame him) and while everyone else laughs and plays it off. Jimin and JK are the only ones who do not. Jimin turns it around to the members. Calls out Hobi as a "pervert" for stroking his body while he sleeps. Jimin then also says JK is also a "pervert" and JK seems a bit nervous about where that is going and Jimin makes a joke about all the cosmetics JK owns with "women scents" since he is sensitive to smell. Which JK didn't really seem to appreciate that too much either. And finally RM for downloading, um "corn" on the computer. 10:30ish in, JK confirms that he is indeed, an ass man. "Touching the members butts before going on stage calms his nerves." Lol and 28ish in, Jimin gets nervous about having to do some funny improv but gets more confident when JK shares out about how "Jimins good at this!"

On 150530, to end May off with a tweet from Jimin thanking ARMYs and talking about finishing up their last broadcast. Posted with 2 jikook selcas. And to end off my links I'm going to include for the month of May.... at some point during this month, they filmed all 5 episodes of the Bukbolbuk games they played. You can read about the jikook moments from those here.

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To kick off June, on 150603 they do an MWave meet and greet livestream. Jimin seems to be having a somewhat off day. Just a bit moody or grumpy with his members. It's a cute livestream though. Jimin picks the jikook spread from the photobook as his favorite, but didn't really give an answer as to why. Just said they took the photos, seemingly shy/annoyed to be asked. Towards the end, RM also asks Jungkook if he likes girls in bikinis. To which Jimin seems incredibly annoyed by the question and says "people don't really think of us as men." And JK answered by simply saying "I know everything I need to know about bikinis." Which is quite the brush off answer from JK, very dismissive of *liking* girls in bikinis. And quite a bit of annoyance from Jimin. Wonder what's going on with him this day, or what's bothering him....

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And then one of my favorites! 150605, BTS are in Malaysia and do a media interview. There isn't much honestly recording wise of this unfortunately. But one of my favorite interview jikook answers pops up here. The MC asks them all to describe the member next to them. So the order went: V, Suga, Jin, RM, JK, JM, Hope, V. Everyone gave copious amounts of compliments, as they often do with this question. And JK unprompted, said he would date Jimin. Lol this wasn't a MC question of which member would you date. JK volunteered that information out of left field. You can find this trans thread of all the members answers. Notice the difference please. As well as a recording of them saying it. And Jimins response to JK 🥺 shook. Translation here and it deserves its own photo. Out of pocket!!

On 150606, after rehersals they get ice-cream and in the bangtan bomb we see JK feed Jimin bites of ice cream off his spoon looking very fond as well. Jimins cute reaction to the yummy food is adorable too.

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On the 8th their Festa profiles were released. They did both profiles written by other members and by themselves. So you can find my post over the profiles written by other members here. Namjoon wrote JKs profile. And JK wrote Jimins. Where he correlated Jimin to a love song and also complimented his looks in all of the ways. 😍 you can find their self written profiles here. Jimin and JK both list RM as their number one subunit want. Jimin making his a trio with namgi and himself. Jimin also listed a jikook subunit as his number 2. He also said that the song that describes himself the most at that time was Dear No One by Tori Kelley. A song JK also ends up singing/saying he likes a different time. You can find the rest of the Festa content here. And then on the 11th, we of course have the Festa Radio Show!

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There is ALOT we could talk about honestly in this video, but I'm going to keep it as short as possible here (and yall know me... that's never very short). Mostly there were just lots of small random touching to just touch. Lots of staring happening, lots and lots of giggles and tons of teasing through the whole video between the 2 of them. Including JK proving once again he knows obscure Jimin Facts while teasing him over it a bit too. Post over JK teasing Jimin about Brian Puspos Here. And how everyone teased JK for raising his hand during the question "I like my roommate, but sometimes I envy other rooms/want to room with someone else." His reasoning was that sometimes Joon is too messy and he likes the other rooms too. Wonder whose room and what he liked?? Tae (rooming with Jihope) also raised his hand for this. Lol it was supposed to be anonymous but JK gave himself away and Jimin kept slapping his shoulder/chest and giving him head pats in fondness as he laughed at JK. Lol Everyone also teases Jimin for leaving wet bandanas in the bathroom after showering. (I don't get it Jimin, is it a pseudo washcloth?!) JK says he is like real hip hop. Namjoon says his (Jimins) taste is enchanting, but he used the Korean word which could be a euphemism for kinky. Lol he also said maybe Jimin can take photos just using the collar from the shirt on his naked body (literally what lmfao) and JK goes "that's cool." Yeah, sure is *cool" JK. And Jimin is just dying laughing as everyone teases him before denying things and ending the conversation. They all also tease JK about being a) a muscle pig b) collecting cosmetics and c) being impossible to wake up in the mornings. Lol and towards the end (54ish minutes in) JK starts randomly circling and stroking Jimins finger with his hand?? Lol idk what the thought process there was other than a want to touch? A desire to play with Jimins cute fingers.

Lol there is also an entire discussion during this Festa about JK very much insisting he is an adult now (and he is and got his ID) and everyone was teasing, asking if he got the idea or not and why he wouldn't let them see it. JK saying yes he got it, because he is an adult now and no because he hates the photo. Lol and once again, Jimin is sitting out of the group teasing JK about something he does to all of them. Not letting them see his new ID.... not answering their calls or texts.... his need for many mattresses/house decor.... we know JK answers Jimins phone calls... seems like Jimin knows more about the ID possibly too. Perhaps he DID get to see it. Lol not that important, but still an interesting difference.

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There are no English subs for the 150612 Naver starcast video that i can find.... but it's essentially just 30 minutes of BTS playing games, Jimin enjoying himself and Jungkook literally melting into a giant puddle of goo and love and fondness watching Jimin laugh and smile. Literally watches him for most of the video and this looks like the DEFINITION of "holy crap, I really f**king like this guy. Oh my god, my heart." The heart eyes. MY HEART. The gifs and clips are iconic for most jikookers lol

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On the 17th they were on Weekly Idol, and I'll just share the unpretty dance portion. Lol their reactions to each other's dance 😅 Jimin getting stopped early because he "shakes his hips too much for their viewer rating" 🤣🤣

150619, they do the NicoNico Live Broadcast in Japan to promote their For You single. It's about an hour long and truly a wonderful little video worth watching if you've never seen it. This is honestly a good example of when BTS does fanservice. Lol for anyone confused on what might count or not, here is an example. Very cute interview though for the most part too. It was all about the red string of fate. Please watch it. Maybe I'll make a post about the whole thing one day. Eventually they get told they will do romantic partner poses together in pairs. Lmao Jimin visibly cringes about that. Not a fan of fanservice, our man. Jimin and RM get paired up and Jimin gets so adorably flustered through the whole process 🤣 Hopekook get paired up and Jimin catcalls them and tells them to kiss 🤣 Hopekook decide on doing a piggyback for their romantic pose lol. Later they each pulled on ends of a red string to find a partner to play a game where they had to move a ball around by holding it between their faces with no hands. Lol Jimin doesn't get a partner at first and in an effort to let him get a chance to win, he wanted to try. Everyone except JK complains about having to try to play again. JK just sets up the ropes to see who will end up playing with him lol. JK when asked about his own red string of fate, refuses to say who he thinks it's connected to and when asked about long distance, JK says he couldn't do long distance. Jimin says no one in BTS would probably want to do long distance. When asked about how one can express their feelings and say things like "i like you" to someone when they are really shy, how would they do it. Everyone insisted Jimin answer it since he is also really shy and the most shy. Lol Jimin gets flustered and goes "I don't know either! You guys tell me!!" And JK looks at him so fondly. And Jins answer to that was super sweet too. Watch this interview!! BTS Japan Twt posted afterwards a group photo after the broadcast. JK is sitting in Jimins lap pretty much 🥰

At some point in June or whenever jikook died their hair lol, they filmed Dope as well. You can find my thoughts over part of the making film from memories in this post here. And you can watch the BTS episode making film from YouTube here too. Naver StarCast also released an article with behind the scenes photos from when they were making the MV. Which includes some police officer roleplaying (maybe, hard to tell from photos lol) from jikook. And the makes this Twitter video extra sus was the fact that it got deleted. Jimin or Jungkook posted this video of them to Twitter or fancafe (I don't remember) from when they were filming the Dope MV.... making kissy faces at the camera and then JK leaning to kiss the camera, but going all the way over to kiss where JIMIN is standing in the camera frame. 👀 and then it was deleted.... so think of that whatever you decide lol

Some point between the 20th and the 23rd, they filmed Run BTS episodes 1 -2 as well. Also filmed right around that same time was Gayo Tracks 1 - 2 also. On 150623, they filmed Run BTS Episode 5, which you can read my post over here. As well as on this day, they filmed the reaction to their Dope MV. Which was just Jimin and Jhope. I won't say too much, but you could make it a drinking game... how many times does Jimin call Jungkook handsome in 5 minutes? And at some in the middle of June, they also filmed Run BTS Episode 4 and Episode 6. (Episode 3 was filmed in July)

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On 150625 they perform on Mcountdown for Dope and have a Q&A backstage with fan questions on sticky notes. There is a lot of chest slapping happening this video from everyone. Lol Jimin looks horrified yet still finding it funny when JK eats one of the sticky notes. 😆 (literally why...) and at one point Jimin gets answered as who is the main character of the Dope MV. And so then JK holds onto him with one arm as he repeatedly slaps Jimins chest with the other hand along with all the other members. Lol

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150627, JK posts a twt video of Jimin sleeping. With the caption "Aigoo our hyung-nim is sleeping well. What could he be dreaming about..." and on 150628, Jimin posts a response to the video with his own tweet.... and a translation here where he addressed JK calling him hyungnim lol He also posted a jikook selca thanking ARMY. Also on this day, JK posts another song recommendation, this one called Love Me Again, stopped on the lyrics "could you love me again" lots of love songs being recommended recently. Just his taste or his taste at the moment for a reason? 🤷🏻‍♀️ A Bangtan Bomb was also filmed this day where we see JK film said sleeping Jimin from the first tweet. Lol

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150630, warm up interview video. Around 6:30ish in, JK holds Jimin from behind by the waist very cutely. Jimin starts acting up and being silly, but JK just hangs out there for a good 20 seconds just holding him. Lol Also on the 30th, Jimin posts to Twitter with the caption, thank you, 600 photos. And posts screenshots of jikook and jimin selca spam in his camera folder. Lol

And that wraps up part 2 for May & June 2015! Due to the winning poll, I'm posting this part early, with only 2 months in it rather than 4. Not every moment was included, more just so the ones I personally felt like were ones more worthy of calling attention to and spoke to their bond. I'm not including every skinship moment or playful moment or moment where they looked at each other. Lol and my opinions are littered throughout these posts too.

Overall, I truly think this is the start of a 2015 dynamic shift coming up soon. I think that Jimin is a little more infatuated, I think he is perhaps noticing JK as an adult more this year, particularly these past 2 months. Noticing how he is finding Jungkook attractive and seemingly in more than just the friendly compliments way. JK is starting to really crush hard in some ways it seems. It looks like he is really started to test the waters a bit on what his feelings are and open up to them more. If that all makes sense. I'm not going to say TOO much, because honestly, the next 2 months are when it starts really getting good. Lol

That's all just my personal opinion though. You are all free to agree or disagree with any or one of it! Thanks for letting me share, and again, sorry this is so long! If you read it all know I appreciate you lots! And again, if some of the timing is a smidge off for when the moments were actually filmed rather than released, I'm doing my best! Lol Thanks again! Part 3 will be next and that will include July and August 2015!

#jikook #kookmin #jikook dynamics through the years #jikook dynamic shifts #jikook in 2015 #2015 jikookery #jikook 2015 timeline

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minisugakoobies · 11 months

Note

It's damn near time to logout and I'm still looking for ways to procrastinate.

Alright Sunny... you have to put at least one member from each group in each AU. Who are you picking for each?

-The original Jumanji with Robin Williams and the little boy turning into a monkey for trying to cheat.

-Tron Legacy

-2012

-Labyrinth

-Grease

-Anaconda

-Leprechaun (the way I was tempted to put Nightmare on Elm St)

I mean, it's always a good time to procrastinate, as far as I'm concerned 💕

I would put Jeongin and Seokjin into Jumanji. They're the ones who find the game years later and release Robin Williams (RIP). I would love to see those two reacting to the wildlife. Just amplify the chaos!

Tron Legacy aka Michael Sheen's greatest contribution to acting that is not part of the Twilight franchise - I think Jungkook should play the lead, Sam, since we all know Jungkook owns a motorcycle (I will die on this hill) and Felix as Quorra because I want to see him styled like Olivia Wilde.

When it comes to Labyrinth, right now my brain is just screaming "HYUNJIN AND TAE AS THE GOBLIN KING!" on a loop even though that's two people for one role, so fuck it, in this AU, Jareth has a fraternal twin. Why not?

For Grease, Lee Know as Danny Zuko and Jimin as Sandy. No changes to Sandy's costume at the end. NONE.

Anaconda has to be Namjoon as Ice Cube's character Danny and Bang Chan as Jennifer Lopez's character Terri. Has to be. Just the two leaders fighting a giant fucking snake together.

Here is where I admit I have never seen 2012 so uhhhhhhh *glances at cast* I'm gonna put Yoongi in as John Cusack? And Han as Woody Harrelson? Does that work at all??

That leaves Leprechaun… Hobi as Jennifer Aniston and Seungmin as the Leprechaun byeeeeeeeee

Apologies to Changbin…. you know what? Let's throw him into Grease as Kenickie. Done.

#asks #ot7 #ot8 #lovely moots #minttangerines #the range of movies selected here #did you throw a dart at a blockbuster circa 1998?

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aajjks · 10 months

Note

even if it were true that taekook was a couple:

1) shippers are putting them in danger as South Korea is among the most homophobic countries

2) create false stories about the friendship between jimin and Taehyung

3) create false stories about jimin and jungkook friendship

Vminkook grew up together, they love each other and when I see shippers creating hate stories towards Jimin my blood boils. Jimin is an affectionate person, a touchy person and we have seen it especially towards the members. Jimin has repeatedly reiterated that his bond and relationship with the members is genuine and there is no fan service, which happens in other groups. The fact that shippers are analyzing a concert video of jimin taking jungkook's face and squeezing him with love and calling this fan service is beyond sick. (https://twitter.com/theejeonjk/status/1673334504725815296?t=NlyawjFDQEGcz1l7WOSUUw&s=19) Yes, hybe is an agency that seeks money like all entertainment agencies but the difference is that this is the agency built with the sweat and talent of BTS. It is useless that shippers create monsters towards the agency, we are no longer in 2012 with the larry shippers. If something was going wrong Namjoon with the rest of the members would react especially if hybe was plotting against taekook. Ah one thing shippers are spreading the rumor that bts members have not signed the renewal of the contract but this is false because the deadline is in 2026 (an extension has been applied) the year in which the rest of the BTS return and already Jin himself has declared that will sign the new contract. Mind you all this is happening for a rumor that hybe can't persist as it started outside of south korea and by law the police can't meddle. The only thing we can do is trust the tannies.

(I put the video)

I hate the ppl who romantically ship the members together, you’re [the shippers] literally assuming someone’s sexuality and that is wrong on so many levels.

#asks

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mygloviesme · 6 months

Text

cool about it. || myg

no. 17: I’ll pretend being with you doesn’t feel like drowning

predebut/debut!yoongi x female idol

(definitely inspired by boygenius)

word count: 4.9k

genre: ANGST, friends(?) to lovers, slow burn, fluff

chapter warnings: toxic relationship (not w/myg), mentions of mental health

inspo song: cool about it by boygenius

MARCH 30TH, 2012, 3:09AM

It’s been too long. We’ve been here too long. The night is coming to an end, so why is everything starting? What happened? I can’t get out. All I feel is my life coming to an unfortunate halt. I can’t go back to square one, I have too many times. I’d rather just-

“Well this is something.” Haneul says. The woman next to him has her arms crossed like she’s annoyed or upset. I don’t care, though. I don’t care about anything right now. I just want to leave. I look at Yoongi who’s looking at me, as if he knows that I’m falling apart.

I can never be happy. I can never enjoy life here.

“Just let us go, yeah?” Yoongi spits, attempting to push past the taller man. Haneul doesn’t let him, noticing the hickey that I placed on Yoongi’s neck just moments prior. I feel myself tense up, my breath reaching its end. My mouth curls slightly upside down like a child. Because that’s what he makes of me. I feel so small compared to him. What should I say? How can I disappear from his towering presence that is so familiar to me? How can I clean myself of the grime he left?

Haneul shakes his head, “So this is what you’re up to, huh? Then why are all the tabloids saying you’re so broken you can’t even leave your dorm? Do you think they know you’ve been whoring ar-” He’s blown to the side, bumping into the girl with the black dress as he keeps his body propped up. Namjoon stands next to him, breathing heavily and breathing fast. I scan his body to meet with his fist, shaking.

Yoongi holds my hand but I jerk back, completely thrown off by this whole situation. My body feels too sensitive to be touched. I feel too dissociative to be brought back down to reality.

Haneul stands back up, leaning his arm to throw a punch right back at Namjoon. I place my hand over my mouth, unbelieving that this is actually happening. And this is how it chooses to unfold. Not even a text, a random call from him, this. Is this what I deserve? Is this what some power, whatever it is, thinks I deserve? Soon enough they’re tackling each other relentlessly, tossing and turning. It’s so hard to look away but I know I can’t leave, but I don’t know what to do.

I see Yoongi trying to reach for Namjoon to break him away but has no luck, Namjoon is obviously determined to finish whatever he has planned out in his head. And I’m scared to figure out what it is. They’re both doing damage to each other until Namjoon gets his way on top of Haneul. He grabs Haneul’s head and bangs it down on the club floor only once, his chest moving up and down quickly as Haneul lies there breathlessly.

“Namjoon…” I whisper. He looks up to me and gulps, seeing the tears that are falling down my face. Once I cry I don’t stop, not ever. This time they’re uncontrollable and loud and they don’t wait for anyone. Seeing Namjoon’s reddened cheeks and Haneul’s stricken-face is enough for me to leave. I don’t bother stopping for Yoongi or Namjoon who yell my name out continuously.

I don’t look back, I keep running. I forget that the end of the hallway is met with the crowd of people that block the passageway to the exit. I push and shove through the crowd, being extra careless about who I hurt in the process. All I can think is to get out. Running away, never coming back. There’s snot dribbling down my upper lip and I’m sure my makeup is ruined.

When I’ve come to the end of the dance floor I see the glowing bar that has my jacket hanging off a stool. I grab it as I run to the door, not knowing who could be outside. Who could see me like this, again. Again, again, again.

Seeing Haneul and hearing him speak was the breaking point. I wish it could’ve stayed a bad memory. Something I could surely heal from and was in the process of doing so. But I wasn’t meant to heal. I’m not meant to stay here. I know that now. With every chance I truly gave myself came something bad in return. I’m the curse.

The cold March air hits the tip of my nose as I run up the stairs, goosebumps trailing all over my body. I throw my jacket on with haste, smelling Yoongi’s familiar scent. If only this, he, was enough to make me forget Haneul. But he isn’t. God, he isn’t. No one or nothing can ever fix me. I’m so sure of it now.

I’m a few steps away from the club until I freeze in my tracks. All I can think about is Jungkook, about where he was. Why am I thinking about him? Why is he the only thing I can focus on? I turn on my heels to run back to the club until someone else jumps out of the club doors. But it’s not Jungkook, it’s another boy. The person that I cannot be talking to right now.

“Yoongi, please. I really can’t-”

“Let me come with you. I can walk you home and make sure you’re safe, I’m sor-”

“Please just leave me alone, please.”

“Kanako hear me out-”

“STOP!” I shout at him. His head tilts back in shock. But still, he inches closer. He’s still trying.

Stop trying.

I give myself a moment to tranquilize. I don’t feel calm whatsoever, but I can’t speak like that to him or anyone. But I don’t want to open up, I don’t want to let him in ever again. The ticking time bomb I always thought I portrayed had finally exploded. My cup has been tipped over the brim. Whatever metaphor it is, I know I’ve finally given up.

“I n-need time alone. To think.” I say, now quietly. There’s tears pricking his eyes as he stops trying to move towards me, making my heart break. His hands look like they’re shaking for my touch. His feet look like they want to walk me home. His lips look like they want to kiss me goodnight. But I can’t have that. Not anymore. This is what is good for me, this is what I need.

“No, Kanako. You need someone to help you. And I can do that. I’m here for you.” He pleads.

The cars passing by are muted in my ears, his words isolated in the vicinity of us. Seoul seems so quiet tonight, but I think I’m just having a hard time comprehending life outside of this. My forehead pounds with how hard I’m crying, the sensation feeling almost unbearable.

I choke out a sob, “N-No, Yoongi. Stay away from me. I can’t be here anymore.”

“What do you mean by that? D-Do you want to break up with me?”

His words sound so small compared to my thoughts. Compared to what I’m thinking. Don’t say it Kanako, don’t say-

“I’m leaving Korea.” I blurt out. It’s something my brain wants, to push him away further. To forget about me. I want him to hate me. Feel anything but sympathy, it’ll make this easier.

He shakes his head, “What- What do you mean by that, Kanako? What are you saying?”

My bottom lip quivers and I look away from him, staring at the sky. “I signed up for an abroad program in America. I’m leaving.” I admit. I can’t bear to look at him at this moment. But a voice makes me have to, a small one. One that belongs to someone who was one of the reasons I stayed.

“You’re leaving?” A muggy Jungkook asks. His face is still red from dancing in the club and his shirt clings to his body with sweat. He looks struck, lost. All I want to do is hug him but I can’t. Not as long as I’m the one doing the hurting. He doesn’t deserve that.

My eyes soften, more tears. “I-I…”

Yoongi is aggrieved now. He laughs just like I have times before, manically.

“Tell him, Kanako.” He speaks bitterly. It cuts through me just like this sharp, cold night. I feel it like a piece of sheet metal on my throat as the words roll off my tongue with hesitation. “I’m so sorry, Jungkook. I’m so sorry, I have to.” I cry out, almost begging for his forgiveness. He looks just like the small boy he is at this moment. Like he’s crawling into a safe, confined space to be protected. Every part of me wants to reach for both of them, to tell them it was all a lie. But I can’t take it back. The words have been said, and I’m now the worst person alive. It’s okay, this is how it was always supposed to happen. Morbid and cruel, just like me.

Jungkook is too distraught to say anything and he steps away little by little. Like I’m hurting him, like he’s afraid of me. Those doe-eyes, they’re now fearful.

Yoongi walks towards him and gives him a tight embrace, leaving me to my own accord. All I can think to do is to walk away. I turn my back and wrap my jacket around myself, knowing I’ll never be able to forgive myself for not going back.

I’ll never forgive myself.

MARCH 30TH, 2012, 7:12AM

I slept for one hour. It wasn’t until I heard the rest of the boys open and close their dorm doors that I awoke, hoping to hear a knock or two on my door. But it never came. Not one. I waited for an hour, hoping they’d have a change of heart.

But I’ve been awake ever since and staring at my ceiling. No noise whatsoever, just succumbing to my self-destructive thoughts. Imagining this night repeatedly. The drinking, the dancing, Yoongi’s lips on me, Haneul’s cologne, Namjoon’s shaky fist, Jungkook’s heartbroken expression. It goes in that order. Sometimes I remember certain details and it makes my body tense up and I start crying all over again with no one to hold me this time.

Then I think about this past year. I replay those memories to dig the metaphorical knife deeper. Haneul, Yoongi, the boys, Jeju, back to Seoul. That order isn’t very specific though. I get flashes of Yoongi’s smile or Seokjin’s bickering once in a while and curl my body into a fetal position, hoping the self-soothing would work better this time. It never does.

There’s so much loss. So much pain.

I decided to finally open my phone during the night, after all these months. Just to make myself feel worse, honestly. Loads of texts and missed calls from people I haven’t heard from in years. Texts from Haneul, calling me all the names I bet he wishes he said aloud tonight. The news coverage doesn’t hurt me as much anymore but it does validate the thoughts I have about myself. I spent another ten minutes crying while looking through everything everyone has been saying until I reached a text message from a name I haven’t heard in years.

Keiko. An old grade-school friend I had in Japan. She knew me before my mother passed, she knew who I was before any of this happened.

Keiko: Koko, so nice to not see your face on the TV for once. I know that sounds so weird but I had a feeling I needed to tell you that. How are you doing? How’s life? I’m in New York now, interning at a publishing place. So cool, right? Not as cool as being an idol though. Let’s talk sometime!

She used to call me Koko. Something my mom said once that Keiko heard and loved ever since. My heart aches to talk like a child with her again. I want to sit on the floor with crayons and laugh about how funny each other’s drawings were. I want to make mud pies in her backyard and have her mother scold both of us for getting so dirty. I want to have a princess-themed birthday party and invite all my friends over. I want to go back.

I’ve been staring at the text for an hour now, wondering if I should call her. It’s much too early, and she’s probably working. I don’t want to bother her. Isn’t it mid-day for her? I’ll seem so weird calling her at this hour, my time. But why is my thumb hovering over the call button? And why do I click it? I don’t expect her to answer. She has better things to do, like not calling me. I press my phone against my ear and tear-stained cheek, feeling the vibration of the call ringing against my skin.

“Ah, Koko?” I hear her as she picks up. Hearing her call me that gives me a sense of relief for some reason.

I sniffle, attempting to sound fine. “Keiko, you picked up.”

“Yes of course. Jeez, how are you?” I hear her smiling. I can see her face now. I used to stalk her instagram so I know she had cut her hair short a bit ago. She always had long hair which made people say we looked alike often. But she cut it. She let go.

“I-I’m good. I’m good. How are you?” I ask, hearing the quietness on the other line. It doesn’t sound like she’s busy. That makes me feel less of a burden.

“I’m good. I’ve been wondering about you.”

“Oh. Have you?”

“Yes, of course.” She says again, “I was just thinking about that time my mom got so mad at us for making mud-pies in my backyard. You remember that?”

She says that as if it isn’t breaking me into a million pieces more. I hold my chest tightly as I begin crying again. Again.

“Yes…I do. That was so-” I let out a choke.

“Oh, Koko. What’s wrong? You don’t sound okay.”

I shake my head as if she’s here, looking at me. “N-No don’t worry about me. I’m alright.”

“You sure?”

It takes everything in me to say the next seven words, “Actually, I don’t think I’m okay, Keiko.”

I want to apologize. I don’t feel deserving of comfort right now, but I need it. I need to be reminded there was a time before all of this.

“What’s happening?”

I sob into the phone, “I-I really miss my mom. I miss not being here. I wish you could know what’s going on because I don’t know if I’m strong enough to recount everything that’s happened right now.”

She lets out a small breath. “I know…that it must be…hard. Without her. I know how close you guys were. I’m so sorry Kanako.” She’s being sincere. Like she’s stopped what she’s doing to tell me that.

“I think I’m going to leave Korea.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…I signed up for an abroad program. It’s actually in New York too, but it’s at a community college. It sounds great, I just don’t know if I should leave.”

“Why is that?”

I wipe the tears from my face and stare at the pink ribbon that lays on my side table. The one he wanted me to put in my hair. I look at the scar on my hand, faint but there. When he rushed to aid me. I feel his kiss on my skin. When he loved me hard, hard, hard.

“There’s someone. Multiple people. I met them all here. I love them, but I love this one person especially much.” I say through my croaky voice. My throat has been abused by my sobs and shouts and screaming. Also, I’m still in the same clothes. I’ve been rotting in my bed ever since I left the club.

“Oh, I see. But Koko, this isn’t about him right?”

“What do you mean?”

She hums, “Well it’s about what you need. Do you need to leave but want him?”

I turn over on my back, my phone still against my ear with my hand. “I think I need him.”

She’s silent for a moment. “You have time to come back to him.”

She confuses me once again, “Come back to him? I can’t ask him to wait for me.”

“Well I’m not saying that. But if it’s really meant to be, then you can go off on your own to figure out your life and you’ll run into each other again, like fate.. I saw it in a movie once.”

Her logic is a tiny bit flawed but I understand her nonetheless. It makes it easier, the thought of leaving, But it doesn’t take away the guilt. And it’s tremendous, the guilt.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

A beat.

“Hey Koko.”

“Yeah?”

She pauses, “Thanks for calling. I’ve been having a stressful time and it was great to talk to you again.”

I’m caught a bit by surprise, thinking it was only one-sided. But we both needed each other in the end, I suppose. Maybe it was kismet, fate. Maybe.

“You too Keiko.”

“And hey, if you ever end up in the big apple, call me. I’d love to have another tea party.”

I grip the phone tighter,

“Me too, Keiko.”

MARCH 30TH, 2012, 12:00PM

I’m living off of minimal sleep but loads of adrenaline as I sit at the same table with the boys. A conference table. Bang-PD called us in for an emergency meeting, and I assume it’s when he saw Namjoon’s bruises. I’m sure everything came up after that.

PD-nim sits at the end of the table looking more stressed than usual. I look at Namjoon next, who has an almost unreal black-eye forming. It’s not quite at its peak but there’s already bits of purple that’s formed within the last few hours. The rest of his face looks swollen, especially his left cheek. He turns his eyes to me which makes me look away quickly. I’m sure none of them want to talk to me. They’ve made that clear with the painful silence that’s been happening for the past ten minutes.

Or maybe it’s the anxiety about what Bang is going to speak about.

“Kanako…I-I. I’m at a loss, truly.” PD sighs, rubbing his eyes.

I nod slowly, like a dog who’s been caught. An untrained puppy. I’m guilty.

“I’m sorry I kno-”

“We’ve been here to help you throughout this whole process-”

“I know and I’m so gratef-”

“But starting a relationship in the midst of this chaos has proven to me that you’re not serious about your commitment to this company.”

Oh. Ouch.

I can’t help but glance at Yoongi who stares down at his hands. He doesn’t look guilty, he looks like he knows what will happen next. Like they all know what’s going to happen. They’ve been asked here to watch my demise.

“I understand that.” I whisper.

Bang-PD shuffles through his papers and pulls out a small stapled set of paperwork. He’s hesitant at first but hands it over to me eventually. “We can’t allow you to continue here. I’ve been informed that you have plans to leave a-and so I think that makes your current status at this company nonexistent. I’m sorry.” He mutters.

I look down at the papers that are clearly for discharging from this company. One where I won’t be renewing my contract, I’ll be leaving. Once I sign this, it’s final. Everything is dissipating before me.

All these months, these therapy sessions, just for me to leave. This ending is unsatisfying and heartbreaking. It’s so odd how one night can change anything. I’m not even sure if the part of me that wants to leave is the most dominating, but it feels like that’s what everyone else wants me to do. I wonder if there could’ve ever been an alternate ending, one where we all lived happily ever after.

But those never exist, not as long as I’m the protagonist.

And now that Bang knows about me and Yoongi, clearly, means someone had to tell him. And I’m sure it was Yoongi himself. Maybe out of spite, sadness, whatever it was. But I’m not welcome here anymore. I guess my career as an idol ended when it started. I’ve been doomed since the beginning. How unfair is that?

I grab the pen and click the bottom, hovering over where my first signature needs to be placed. Before signing, I look at everyone who sits before me. They’re all watching me at this moment, waiting to see if I’d actually do it. But I will be going down without a fight.

I’m tired of fighting.

I sign the first line, then the second, and third, and so forth. It’s a good five minutes of flipping through all the pages until I’m met with an NDA. I can’t speak about my time here, at least not to anyone important. These months will be a secret. Yoongi, a secret.

“From now on we won’t speak about your time here at BigHit. After we publicly announce your resignation, the boys cannot mention you at any time if asked. And in regards to you, you are not allowed to talk to anyone about your time here.” Bang says.

It’s just like the last time I was in here, when he swore to protect me. But it’s not just about what Haneul did anymore, it’s about what I did to this company. It’d be unrealistic to think that there would ever be a time that they would be proud to know that they were under my success. It’s embarrassing, shameful. I’ve almost ruined their name.

As for Yoongi, I love him so much it physically hurts me to think of the fact that I won’t be able to speak about him. Morning, day, and night I think about him. There’s a tickling in my throat to mention him anytime to anyone at all, a burning desire to express how I feel about him. He was never mine, though. If this is how it was going to end this whole time, there was never an us.

And he’ll be debuting. He can’t have that controversy. He’ll have to act like I never existed either. All of them have to pretend that these past months never happened.

I sign it.

That’s the end of the signatures for now, so I hand Bang the papers back. I click the pen once more and set it on the table, placing my palms face down as an attempt to quiet the shakiness. This can’t be real. I was in this room just three years ago, signing a dotted line to agree to be a part of this company. We celebrated with dinner and laughter that same day. It was so exciting to be signed as their first artist. I guess things change in a way we’d never expect.

“S-So we’ll figure out more of the details later, but for now you have one week to move out of the dorms.” Bang-PD says as he adjusts his glasses.

I shake my head, “My flight is tomorrow morning, so. I’ll be gone. Don’t worry.”

Before breathing in the rest of the energy in the room, I slide myself out of the chair to head for the door. If they won’t speak to me I’d rather cut this off as quickly as I can. Maybe it’ll make it hurt less, that’s where my logic is right now. But I’m grasping at straws, anything that might make me not want to throw myself into incoming traffic.

A part of me hesitates to open the door, hoping, wishing I would hear any of them speak. To

stop me. But that’s selfish and unrealistic, and they all go back to talking about the rest of the meeting. Like I was never here. I wish Yoongi would run over to me and kiss me one last time. But I hurt him, I’m leaving him. I’d rather him hate me than mourn whatever we were.

It’s probably better that way.

MARCH 31ST, 2012, 4:10AM

I wake up early enough to finish cleaning the rest of my room. What was left was just small posters and sticky notes I had planted around my mirror and above my bed. I didn’t want to sleep in a totally barren room so I chose to leave those out for the night. But I’m supposed to be leaving soon, leaving forever.

Now that I’m officially not a part of this company anymore, there’s nothing here for me anymore.

I zip up my hoodie and don’t bother putting my hair up. I’m not even sure if most of the clothes I threw on are clean but I don’t really care. I don’t feel like taking care of myself right now.

Since I’m leaving much earlier than expected, I reached out to Keiko who said I could room with her in her studio apartment. Her parents have always been well-off and since I’ve been living off of a trust-fund type deal, I know I can contribute to payments for a few months. Until I can get back on my feet, despite having zero experience from a proper job. So I’m not sure how that’s going to turn out.

But Keiko is immensely generous. Although her mother was very hesitant with the idea of me staying with her. She heard the news of what happened and wasn’t necessarily on my side. It’s obviously leaked back to Japan but Keiko says my idol status in the states is practically non-existent and I take that as a good thing. K-pop isn’t huge there, I know that. I’ll use that to my advantage for as long as I can.

I grab my suitcases and open my dorm door, the hallway quiet and dark. I still remember the day I moved in here, the day I put all those posters up and folded my clothes in the drawers. When the boys were assigned to the dorm across from me, when I was underneath that bed with Yoongi. He was so close to me that day. I still remember feeling his breath on me.

I delay moving down the hall and let go of my suitcases, reaching for the hyung-lines dorm handle. I feel the coldness of the familiar metal I’ve touched so many times before. Never with hesitation like this, risk. It was always so worth it. Every time I snuck in here to sleep with them, every time I came in to have dinner with them like it was an obvious given.

I turn the handle, finding it unlocked. Just like it always would be, for me. I open it slowly.

I peak my head into the dorm and see all of them sleeping soundly. And to my surprise they’re all here, even the young ones. They’re scattered around the beds and some on the floor. I look to my left to see Yoongi’s bed with another boy next to him. There’s an empty space I used to sleep between them and it’s calling my name for one last hold from the both of them.

I tip-toe to the bed and approach Jungkook who is lying on his side, snoring softly. My hands shake as I touch his shoulder, moving it softly. What am I doing? They don’t want me here. But Jesus, I want to hug them all goodbye. It’s so selfish of me to come in here unwanted but I think a part of me will die on that plane if I leave without a proper goodbye.

This is so selfish, it’s so selfish, it’s so-

“Kanako?” His quiet voice speaks. A flashback of the other night hits me, hard.

“Yes, yes. It’s me.” I try to smile.

And suddenly, he leaps to wrap his arms around me. I let my hands float in the air, unsure if I should reciprocate. But eventually I bring them down to feel the lines of his body, the bare skin because he always sleeps with his shirt off. He says it gets too hot at night.

“I love you, Kanako. Come back soon.” He trembles into my neck, “Please come back soon.” He whispers again. I bite my lip to hold in my cries, smelling his scent one last time. My nose touches the muscle of his shoulder and I hold him tightly. Remember this. Remember how this feels.

“I will, I will.” I reassure him. I see Yoongi toss around in his bed but he doesn’t turn around. Jungkook holds me for a while longer before parting, wiping the tears from his eyes. He looks at Yoongi and then back to me, “He just needs time. We all do. But you'll call me everyday. A-And maybe when I’m older I’ll visit you. And you’ll visit me, right?” He smiles sheepishly.

I bring my thumb to his cheek, drying off the last tear of his.

“I’ll visit you.”

I won’t. I’m not sure if I'll bring myself to pick up his calls. But I’ll keep him close. I’ll keep all of them close to me, even Yoongi who I know can’t look at me. Maybe a small part of me will wait for him forever. Wait for him to turn around and look at me one last time. But for now it’s just his back. I never see his face.

I’ll wait for him, even if he doesn’t wait for me.

click here to read more of this story!

an: ^^ get ready for cool about it: eleven years later

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