#neuropsychology of michelangelo thesis

[brightlotusmoon]

Okay, so now that more of us understand that with ADHD, the rampant inconsistencies are a huge part of the disability, ie executive dysfunction and dyspraxia and time blindness and hyperfocus yada yada yada, I'm going to dig back through all my Mikey And His ADHD posts to spot times I talked about his rejection sensitivity frustration moments. Especially 2003, who didn't get much screen time when it came to exploring the hidden depths behind the goofiness. In this essay I

[brightlotusmoon]

I think people mistake confidence with arrogance. At least that’s what I think (I am referring to the anon who said people think you have a complex) you are an activist they see the word activist they think oh that woman is arrogant they judge you before they get to know you which sucks. I find your takes intriguing and thought provoking.

You're correct, that's what it's about. I've also been told that I come across as not worth bullying. It's hard to chip away at someone who has spent decades learning how to shield properly, who has already chipped away at themselves, opening up their vulnerable sides, showing people that they've already gone through the process of self scorn and come out with a stronger sense of self, knowing that things will keep growing and changing.

Let's take that down its obvious path to 2003 Mikey, whose confidence has always been mistaken for arrogance and brattiness and asshole behavior. He's a person who is already in touch with what he wants. That can come across as him being callous, insensitive, unknowingly insulting. But he's got a lot of generosity, kindness, understanding, hyperempathy, an uncanny ability to soothe emotional turmoil.

In fact, a wonderful fanfic by our archivist @hummerhouse explored Mikey's capacity for acceptance, his lack of greed for big things, how he's satisfied enough to know all he needs is his loved ones, his family being safe and together and able to chill out and not worry about being hunted, perhaps to sit in the sun with them and bask.

(The Last Ronin strips that from him like being flayed alive, isn't that fascinating?)

[brightlotusmoon]

audhd mikey will be CANON in tottmnt ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

Yes it will! Yes it will!

[brightlotusmoon]

This was in 2012, when being ADHD and/or autistic was still badly misunderstood and stimming wasn't seen as good or natural.

Now, at least on Tumblr, we are free to love and chew our favorite art things and then tell each other about it. Just like cats.

[brightlotusmoon]

Fanfic: The Square Root of Infinity, Ninja Turtles | FanFiction

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3159349/1/The-Square-Root-of-Infinity

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"So it's okay then." And Mikey was up, flipping to his feet and then reaching back down. Raph stared at his outstretched hand.

"How..."

Mikey waited.

"How can you forgive me so easily?" His voice had stopped cracking, was coming out low, rough. "How can you care, just like that?"

And that sad smile was back. "I think the question is how could I not?" Mike sighed and shifted slightly, balancing on the balls of his feet. "Raph, there was never a question in my mind about whether or not I trusted you, or would forgive you. I did the second I saw you with the pipe in your hand."

Raph choked.

"It's like, counting the stars, picking up every individual grain of sand from a beach, or calculating the square root of infinity." Mike's eyes were like twin lasers, pinning Raph in place. "You're my brother – it's impossible for me to hate you. It can't be done. And I'm not gonna waste my time trying, when I could be stopping Donnie from eating all the cheese popcorn." His hand was still reaching out for him. "Understand?"

Raphael looked at the hand, and then reached out, grabbing it, letting his baby brother pull him up, and up, and then he was there, crushing Mikey, hugging him as though trying to keep him in one piece. Mikey hugged him back, burying his face into his brother's shoulder.

-

This is Michelangelo. He knows what he's about.

This is also exactly why AU explorations of his psychology and his dynamic with each brother are the best things ever, in this essay I will

[brightlotusmoon]

Watch "tmnt 2003 mikey bio" on YouTube

Mikey out-ninjaing his family, by the way.

[brightlotusmoon]

Michelangelo Proved He's Actually TMNT’s Smartest Turtle

...and Michelangelo is a party dude. Based on those personality traits– which have more-or-less been held up through the ages– one would assume that the smartest Turtle on the team is Donatello, since he does the machines (obviously), with Leonardo being a close follow-up as leadership of a ninja clan presumably requires intelligence. In fact, the last Turtle fans should expect to be the smartest is Michelangelo since ‘party dudes’ are notorious for being immature and making poor decisions–but in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.

[brightlotusmoon]

I just learned I have a "biggest fan" in a TMNT Discord server, they love all my Mikey analysis posts. This has been carrying me alongside my meds all day.

[brightlotusmoon]

I'm not woobifying him so much as cracking him open, seeing what's the best way to mess with his psychology, and shooting a confetti canon at him from all angles. It's still going to hurt, but that's what cracking jokes is for.

[brightlotusmoon]

They're Mutants So Human Rules Don't Really Apply | Archive of Our Own

Am I really the only one with tags like that in the TMNT AO3 fandom?

Good thing I'm also under 'Autistic Michelangelo' and 'Michelangelo Has ADHD'. I don't think that was even a thing until a few years ago.

[brightlotusmoon]

The Path/Transcript | TMNTPedia | Fandom

[Splinter sits on a chair in the center of a room. There are bookcases on either side of him filled with books and both books and scrolls are stacked around the chair. His walking stick leans against a stack of those books, and in one hand he holds a lily, in the other he holds nunchaku.]

Splinter "Lonely warrior, your path is difficult. Should we strive to be as cold-hearted as our worst enemy? Like your mighty brothers, you too are a warrior born and trained. You, though, are not as steely-edged as may be required... You follow your heart on a broken, curving road to uncertain destinations. Even so, there may still be balance for you. Will you choose wisely? With compassion? Or will you think only of yourself? We shall see."

He's talking about Mikey, by the way. Mikey is the lotus.

And then his cat dies in his arms. But he adopts one of the kittens, Klunk II.

@remmushound this is what's happening in the astral plane with the Multiverse Memories movie screen. Bayverse Splinter has some Feelings to sort through.

Ooooh, I should find the issue of City At War where The Rat King shows up during Splinter's hallucinogens, and Splinter is given a This Is Why You Suck trope speech about why he won't reach nirvana. Haha burn.

[brightlotusmoon]

Favorite version Of Mikey

Uhhhhhhlhhmmmm

I need to think about this.

(I mean, there's the Mikey in my head who's cobbled together out of all of them.)

I'd say IDW is my favorite, because he's so clearly a blend of Mirage, Archie, 1990, and 2003. And Kevin himself made him.

Rise Mikey is a very very close second.

[brightlotusmoon]

I don't know why but I'm still scared of asking too many writers for help with things like match ups and mini fic ideas. I want to see how different fan writers portray my asks yet I genuinely feel I'll bother everyone and

[brightlotusmoon]

So hey, I decided to preview a piece of the second chapter of "The Brightest Fire" which is my 4Kids 2003 version of "Let's give Michelangelo psychic powers and also he's super neurodivergent because I spent a lifetime being unknowingly neurodivergent plus wanting psychic powers and Mikey is my biggest autistic special interest since 1988 even though I wasn't diagnosed until 2013 and I'm kinda glad ramble ramble".

Now that @mysillylittlesoapbox found my old original fics on Wayback Machine I have had a breakthrough in my writing slump that was not helped by a massive major depression episode. Also my wonderful conversations with @cjthestoryteller have helped push me to psychologically get myself back in that storytelling groove of Character Development that I'm really good at (my college thesis was part of a speculative fiction novel featuring psionics and autism, so yeah).

I used to post bits of scenes on Tumblr to remind myself that this blog began as a thesis for my thoughts on Michelangelo's neuropsychology and that seems to have been abandoned, but it's still fun.

My sincere apologies if the formatting is messed up and there's no cut line here.

******

"I can't...I can't deal with this right now. I can't talk to you right now. I can't. I can't. I caaaan't..."

And Donatello had heard his little brother say a world of words in various voices, but not like this. Shock and confusion had Donnie sitting there on the floor in front of the TV array, staring between Mikey and Splinter, the static of the ended video brushing the back of his head.

Michelangelo still hadn't moved, but now his entire body was clenched and his breaths were shallow, eyes closed. Splinter gripped his walking stick and looked as though his heart was breaking.

Inhaling, Don glanced at the others, who stood side by side frozen, eyes darting back and forth. Raphael looked ready to spring forward to grab Mikey and Leonardo was gazing open-mouthed at their sensei.

Splinter looked down, then back up, his whiskers quivering. "I... I shall be in my room meditating. Donatello, please give Michelangelo a check-up and make sure he is well."

Donnie scooted back on his butt and stared. "But... Sensei... Shouldn't we all talk abo-"

Mikey let out a keening sob that had Splinter backing away shuddering while Raph lunged at the couch and embraced Mikey, who had pressed his fists to his face.

Without another word, the rat turned and headed to the dojo, and Don watched Leo out of the corner of his eye. Leo looked frightened.

Out of his element, Donatello shuffled on his knees toward the couch. "Mikey?" He reached his hand out, and hell broke loose.

"DONNIE!" Michelangelo sounded raw and terrified, ripping away and launching into Don's arms, and Donnie might have fallen over if not for bracing himself. He had realized this might happen near the end of the video and now shame and guilt and desperate worry kept him stiff and rigid and his heart was pounding on his head...

"Donnie, you can help stop it, you have to help me make it stop..." And his little brother actually sounded little.

Automatically his arms came up and around, and "it's okay, Mikey, you're okay, just tell me what's wrong... " And it was all those nights over the last two years sitting up with Mike helping him express himself as they trained him to be Don's assistant, those nights when Mikey would fall asleep at the desk and Donnie would call up an incognito browser to research both his brother's traits for ADHD and Autism and it was two years later and was this a meltdown? A shutdown? A burnout? Had the awakening of the psionics pushed it? Had the revelations in that video broken a wall? Had Mike's accusations and Splinter's confessions caused this now? Donatello let his mind race down that track while he made long shushing sounds and then he realized his brother was shivering and sweating and Donnie pulled back and looked at him.

Mike was incredibly pale, grasping Don's arms in a vice grip.

"Donnie, am I dying?" he whispered. "I can't feel my pulse. Is this shock?"

Out of instinct, Don pressed the back of hand to Mike's cheek. He leaned in and pressed his ear slit to Mikey's heaving plastron. "You're in shock, but you're not dying. You're having a panic attack, Mikey." He carefully disengaged his brother's arms, then crossed them over his chest, supporting his elbows. "You have to breathe, Mikey. This is a very strong panic attack and you feel like you can't breathe, but I need you to take some breaths with me. Okay?"

Blue eyes impossibly wide and clouded, Michelangelo whimpered, staring at Donatello with such absolute trust that it hurt. Donnie began breathing exercises and Mikey followed, breath hitching at first but near twenty years of ninja training being too ingrained to fail quickly took over. Mikey was still shaking and whimpering, but Donnie had his hands on his elbows and his trained ears followed the slowing steady pulse and he smiled.

"Good. You're doing great." He brought his hands to Mike's face and his mind almost collapsed in relief when Mikey naturally leaned forward into the touch, the way he always tried to seek a loving touch or just a look of approval...

And that had been shattered by a video taken for medical purposes and a conversation with a father who had been hiding startling truths for their entire lives.

As if his muscles had loosened all at once, Mikey leaned forward even more and rested his head on Don's shoulder, arms and legs curling. Donnie shifted and stretched until he was cradling his only younger brother sideways in his lap; Mikey's ankles and wrists were crossed and Donnie had nudged his head under his chin, nuzzling Mikey and purring. His arms wrapped around his brother and his fingers interlaced as if they belonged there.

Gradually, Donatello blinked and looked up. Raphael was sitting lotus style on his right, one arm around Don's shoulders and the other rubbing Mikey's carapace. Leonardo was crouched in front of him, one hand cupping Mike's head and the other pressed against Don's hands.

"We have a lot of things to talk about," Leo said very softly.

"Is Mikey asleep?" Raph asked just as softly.

"No," Mikey piped up, sounding like a sleepy child. And he nuzzled Don, sighing.

"I'll get him to bed," Don said, feeling disconnected from everything but Mikey. "We're comfortable right now. But Leo is right. And after Mike's gotten rest it's going to be a very intense family meeting."

Never had he wanted to yell at his own father so hard. Something had broken, and he was the one who fixed broken things, and this time it was his only little brother, and as soon as he could manage to heave off the guilt, the worry, the years and years of unspoken apologies, he was going to look for the right tools, no matter what agony he had to face.

[brightlotusmoon]

Me, an ADHD Autistic Writer whose special interest and hyperfixation both is a specific character in a specific fandom, continuing to refresh the AO3 tag for that character every day:

I'm bored, I need new fics!

My own fanfics on AO3 that have everything I want to read about my favorite character going through everything I want the character to go through, sitting unfinished for months: ...hello? Hi we need updating? Help?

Me: ...

I'M BORED I NEED NEW FICS.

[brightlotusmoon]

Watch "Janelle Monáe - Unbreakable (Lyrics) (From UglyDolls) ft. Kelly Clarks

I hadn't realized how good that Ugly Dolls movie was. It's certainly full of heart warming empowerment messages that I don't think my generation got enough of, before the internet and all. All I know is that it gave me a lump in my throat remembering the stories I wrote about characters who were outcast, rejected, isolated, who rose up from beaten wounded underdog to hypercompetent maestro. Like, oh, mutant superhumans and mutant humanoids.

"You live in a world that fears and hates you, even as you have abilities that can help others. You are not considered human, and you are going to be openly resisted and denied in many ways."

"You must remain underground, in the shadows, hidden, or the humans will capture you and harm you just for being animal mutants who act human."

I knew I was different in more ways than one. I didn't have the terms and labels, so the Feelings came out in other words. It was well over a decade before I learned about neurodivergence.