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leftenant-sinani · 3 years

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Hello, I am Sinani and I welcome you on my blog.

I am 23yo AMAB genderfluid person with ADHD, being poly pansexual with preference for men. I am writing FanFics, mostly crossovers, since I am ‘crossoverphile’. However, I write once per time, since I need to be in specific mood to write... And no, I cannot draw, I am way too incompetent and not passionate enough to actually draw, I am glad I can at least write something even when it’s barely decent. I am also proud member of simp clubs of Voryn Dagoth / Dagoth Ur, Sotha Sil, Vivec, Fennorian Ravenwatch, Verandis Ravenwatch, Teldryn Sero, Naryu Virian, Daedric Prince Sanguine AKA Sammy (The Elder Scrolls), Mollymauk Tealeaf, Essek Thelyss, Dorian Storm (Critical Role), Rolan, Raphael, Lae'zel, Halsin (BG3) Jaal Ama Darav, Evfra de Tershaav (ME: Andromeda), Zevran Aranai & Fenris (Dragon Age). (And plenty of Dunmeri / Dark Elven, Tiefling, Chiss and other alien fellows) (More info below)

My most favorite universes are; XCOM, StarCraft, Mass Effect Elder Scrolls and all sorts of DnD-based things (Including Baldur's Gate III & Critical Role). You might also see Star Wars, Dragon Age and anything I like the looks of.

Please know that my blog is primarily 18+ and that I don’t want people who are transphobic, homophobic, racist, TERF, nahtzees (if you don’t get what it means, just say it to yourself and you’ll quickly understand), fanatic commies, fanatic capitalists, Trump supporters, etc. to follow me. And for those who are diehard fans of Solavellan (Or Solas in general), Lavellan, Dalish Elves in general (After DA2, because they started to suck heavily in DAI), Sheogorath, Astarion, Dark Urge, Gortash or Cicero... Please do not interact with me, as I have strong aversion towards all of those. Again, do not interact ONLY if you are diehard fan of either of those and cannot accept the fact that I dislike your favourite character. (And no, I do not consider C0DA to be official part of the lore. It's just one of many Kirkbride's confused ramblings)

I’ve played all the main Elder Scrolls, but I am finishing them all about now. At this point, I am avoiding ESO because I realised that I don't really like it And that I prefer WoW on free server as the only MMO I play. Not to be rude towards the game, but it just isn't for me, especially with my Stand against its monetisation And boring combat (along with some other unlisted issues, but these are the main ones but in short; ESO can fuck right off. I regret all the time and money I have poured into it and I wish I could take the money back at very least.). Anyway, I’ve played all Mass Effects as well and finished them with passion, I like both the Original Trilogy and Andromeda. About Dragon Age... uh... That one’s a bit complicated. I’ve only finished Dragon Age Origins with its DLCs and Dragon Age 2 with its DLCs as well... not Inquisition though, never really bothered to finish it and probably never will. (And no, I do not care about the DA4 one bit. They killed it the second they revealed the name...) And XCOM, I’ve played Enemy Unknown + Enemy Within but did never really finished it, I will one day though. Then I’ve played XCOM 2, primarily with War of The Chosen, and did finish it once, and I have Chimera Squad on my list of games-to-finish as well. Never played the old X-COM games really. I like DnD-themed games as well including Baldur's Gate III, Divinity Original Sin II, Pillars of Eternity, Pathfinder, etc. (and all the art around... I don't watch any shows, it's not my thing.. Well, besides Legend of Vox Machina, that one I really liked. So yeah, I am mildly into Critical Role.)

There’s also some games / universes I utterly hate because either it isn’t for me (And I get to see it a lot even though I am not interested) or the fandom ruined it. Fortnite, Witcher, Last of Us, etc. There’s probably more, but these three are prime examples.

Another thing is that creating anything (whether it be art or fanfic or anything like that) with my OCs is not allowed unless I will give clear permission. That goes double for anything NSFW. Also I am not open to NSFW RPs. Please bear that in mind. You can always ask if you are not sure (or forget in some cases), and I will try my best to clarify it.

Also I am actively trying to avoid posting content that could disturb or harm anyone in any way. So if I do post something like that, please, do tell me and I will delete it. Another thing Is that I very scarcely tag, because I am lazy, I only tag when I have something to say to it.

Plus, I need to warn you that I am extremely talkative and tend to be blunt. I don't know why, I just am. (Probably because ADHD)

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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any headcanons about mental health / coping strategies for our fav warlocks and vampire? ;) we know quite a lot about magnus in canon but still, never enough lmao; and how about raphael, ragnor and cat? they all been thru a lot, poor babies, and im willing to bet you have thoughts on the matter *sly smirk*

well it depends on what they are coping WITH, u know daoidjsaodij different strategies for different problems and all that. i do think that magnus and raphael in particular have a lot of common coping mechanisms, because they taught each other a lot of shit. i also think there is a lot of stuff that had bothered magnus but he never stopped to think of a solution FOR until he started thinking of what he could do for raphael (and vice versa) because he is that kind of person

like when magnus and raphael are first shopping raphael notices that he likes vests and other stuff like that because of his hyposensitivity to pressure so it feels nice to have something that's like, tight around his torso, you know? so magnus is like great, let's get you lots of vests :)) and then he sees some he likes and tries them on and he's like wait a minute............. i DO like the pressure too....... have i been hyposensitive to pressure this whole time?? (spoiler alert: yes)

then for magnus of course we have drinking which is not his healthiest coping mechanism in any way lmao, but sometimes they do be unhealthy. again i don't think magnus is an alcoholic per se but he does have a suboptimal relationship with the way he turns to it to be able to cope with certain situations he can't escape. i presume this has a bit to do with the fact that he frequently is in stressful (not to mention sensory overloading) situations during parties and other events where you have lots of alcohol, so you know, drinking helps dull his senses and get rid of some of the anxiety. or if he's having a depressive episode, it can also make him more sociable, give him some energy, you know. so i think because it was something that was acceptable for him to use and that helped with many of his problems in social situations he can't escape, if became a coping mechanism (again, an unhealthy one)

healthier coping mechanisms tho! i think magnus also enjoys tea when he needs to calm down. we've seen him drinking tea quite a few times after having flashback episodes and i'm sure it's a coping mechanism to him. helps calm him down and also stay in the present because of the sensations, without overwhelming him because it's not a strong drink, you know? it eases him back into reality. it also can't hurt his insomnia, or, if it's already morning and he's had another insomnia episode, he can drink black tea and have some more energy. so all in all a good helper

magnus definitely stims magically! and uses magic a lot with a lot of his other problems like sensory issues for example. a place is too loud? he can use magic to dull the noises. same for colors, etc., although i think noise might be his biggest problem. and unwanted touch, which we all know magnus canonically hates, so of course there's that too. but also like, stuck in a talk with some boring clave member and he has to stay still even tho adhd mind all over the place? hands behind his back, playing with little sparkles between his fingers that no one can see. pretty much unnoticeable. i think some of his "party tricks" like lighting up the drinks blue and shit come with this purpose. it's just a quick magic letout. also helps a lot to deal with anger or panic, which commonly come very strongly when you have c-ptsd, but he's long learnt to deal with because his survival depends on keeping himself in check and not showing vulnerability a lot of the time

he also stims with his rings which we've seen a bit of. i think this is particularly important to him when it comes to keeping himself in the present, i.e. avoiding flashback episodes, intrusive thoughts and the like

i also think parties work as coping mechanisms in particular with the c-ptsd. sometimes the overstimulation of the ambience is exactly what he needs in order to keep himself from being taken by flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, depressive episodes, etc. like he can lose himself to sensation instead of being locked by his own thoughts, enjoy the company of other people even when he is too cagey or afraid to call his friends and be vulnerable with them, and have a letout for his heightened feelings of fear or insufficiency (caused by c-ptsd) through dancing in particular. it's pretty much canon that magnus uses dancing as a way to cope (see his scene with dot) so i don't see why a party isn't a good place to let out this kind of steam and self express without feeling too vulnerable at the same time

which is not to say that magnus doesn't genuinely enjoy parties, obviously he does. but coping mechanisms are frequently things that we do enjoy, so much so that they bring us comfort and strength when we need. it doesn't mean you only do these things because of your trauma. just that they can help with it

but there is ALSO his friends because look, we all know magnus isn't exactly winning prizes for his ability to ask for help, but the way he talked to alec about suicidal ideation and talking to someone if things get that bad obviously comes from experience, because when things get this bad there is really nothing else that works. and magnus has a lot of trouble with it - probably can only ever really ask for help when things get As Bad As They Possibly Could - but he does know he has a place with his friends when he needs. sometimes he doesn't even really open his mouth - just shows up at ragnor's, or, less commonly, catarina's (because she's busy with her job as a nurse and shit while ragnor does nothing but sit on his ass and be british all day), and ragnor takes a look at him and nods and magics another seat for him and magnus flops down. and ragnor waits to see if magnus is feeling like saying anything but if he's not, they just keep each other company as they do their things and ragnor serves him some tea. and it's nice and it works

as for raphael! definitely stimming all the time as well, and we know he self harms, which i think technically counts as a coping mechanism? coping mechanisms aren't inherently healthy or good djdndi so we have that for sure

and then just like, i think playing with his hands is something he does a lot in particular, like magnus, just keeping his hands behind his back and playing with them, or in his pockets and stuff. i think he "dissociates" a bit sometimes too. like sometimes full on dissociates but other times i think he just goes blank on the outside and inside is like, thinking about rosa or about food or his hyperfixations (astronomy? astronomy) so he doesn't have to be present and deal with whatever's happening. particularly useful with camille, because there are some things he has to do that he just wouldn't stand otherwise

and again canonically magnus, we have seen that. when rapha was tortured he didn't go to his clan, he went straight to magnus'. like yeah, magnus could heal him, but also, rapha stayed. he was still there chilling by the time simon came around. so he definitely goes to magnus when things get rough, and again whether it's to talk or just be with someone it helps a lot. i think raphael is pretty touchy with the people he trusts (book stans go away, yes i know book raphael is too edgy for feelings but i don't care and i'm not talking about him) and canonically so is magnus. and magnus' loft is one of the places he still feels safe to do that, it's his dad's place after all and definitely his home while camille is clan leader/in the first few months or years of him being clan leader

so like they can just cuddle or hug or be under a blanket together or rapha can rest his head on magnus' shoulder, or magnus can rest his on top of rapha's, and it's great. and he can talk about how he feels or be in silence, too

i also think dancing and listening to music are things he does to cope, possibly something he picked up from magnus. like sometimes he doesn't know how to let out steam and putting on a song and aggressively dancing is the only way he can channel feelings he doesnt know what to do with very well otherwise

also i think specifically with his grief over his family and other things he's lost, i think buying things and making little homages works. like making a scrapbook of his pictures with rosa, or the fucking whole ass CAR he literally doesn't need with the "ave rosa" plaque. i feel like raphael rarely buys things for himself unless they remind him of rosa, sunlight, guadalajara, etc., because it just helps with this constant grief he carries for them that he never really addresss lmao im fine

i think his charity work also plays that role. like yes raphael cares about others, of course he does, but he's also a whole ass catholic so i think "good deeds" like charity make him feel like he's just... doing something to ease his own monstrosity. feel more human, less guilty, less grieving. and also get some of the things he misses (like food) and some contact with people outside of the shadow world and also with other latines in general that he misses, you know? it's a relatively safe and familiar space that also helps ease his guilt for abandoning his family and becoming a monster a little bit, and just feel useful and occupied since he has so much time in his hands now and most of it is occupied obeying someone he hates. man, he needs so much therapy

but also like in the future as u know i think that he turns the dumort completely around, starts having plants and animals in the place, just makes it more upbeat and feel more like a family to all the vampires and improve their relations and it does him SO much good. both as a project and just as a ways of providing himself a better, more supportive environment, because the whole sterile thing they have going on fucking sucks. they deserve a lively and nice environment where they feel like a they have a home and i think it does wonders for EVERYONE'S mental health, particularly rapha's. and then of course cooking/taki's, and his partners join his support network too :)

as for cat, i think she throws herself into work to forget about her problems, feel useful, and just, cope. nurses work long hours and she seems to work particularly hard and i think this serves her the purpose of keeping her mind occupied from her issues. i also think it helps her feel more grounded/connected with the world, aka deal with the immortality angst. which sounds kinda paradoxal cuz she's probably watching ppl die with some kind of frequency, but like... she's also keeping in touch with new ppl, with discoveries in the medical field, she always has something to work on. it helps her feel like she is still a meaningful part of the world, instead of lost in time. and to give herself purpose too

but it's also not always healthy like when you are overworking yourself as an avoidance mechanism.... thats gonna get to u eventually. and cat needs a break and care as much as everyone else. i think again magnus and ragnor serve important roles in that sense, just people she can go to. remember the way cat showed up at magnus' and magnus was immediately massaging her shoulders? we stan

so they definitely take care of her in that sense. she also seemed pretty comfortable at lorenzo's party despite it all, so i think she also enjoys parties from time to time, although not as loud and clubby as, say, pandemonium. but cocktail parties or just a party at someone's house where she gets to dance and unwind and gossip with her friends a little bit? nice. i think cat is very sociable and misses not having ppl around which is also partially why she likes being a nurse - you get to know ppl pretty well in that job - but she also obviously needs lighter environments and she does well with groups of ppl even if she isn't a party animal the same way magnus is

and generally i think she enjoys anything sensorially pleasant like... drawing herself a bath, candles, going to get a massage from an actual professional every once in a while... i bet her house is full of incenses and always has some music playing (can be soft or can be upbeat, depends on her mood) but just generally the more pleasant sensations the better. food too

ohhh i bet she gardens!! it's so great to put her mind to rest after such an exhausting work and again the connection you feel to plants is very real. it's also nice because many plants live for a very long time (unlike most pets) so she can have them around and form long lasting relationships with them, you know? also, gardening is always useful for a warlock

and hhh ok i think i don't have any thoughts for ragnor? we know very little about him and I'm not sure what to make of him mental health-wise. also im tired and this is long, so jdbdidn maybe ill add more stuff if i feel inspired

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imagine-turtles · 3 years

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These are just some pride headcanons that are really minimal and don’t have enough room in my head to actually become content that I can think of, so I’m just here to share them because it’s fun and I enjoy it! They most focus on minorities because I think the turtles would be in some. I’m sorry if this goes against any guidelines because it includes mental disorders and illnesses, disabled character headcanons, and sexuality.

All the turtles would be people of color if they had human designs. I don’t know if they were all biologically related as turtles before mutated or were simply grouped together, which seems more likely, so I think that at least three of them would be people of color.

Michelangelo is asexual. As someone who is ace-spec and most likely just asexual, he gives off major vibes of someone who isn’t necessarily sex-repulsed but he doesn’t feel sexual attraction to his partner. He’s never looked at anyone or his partner and thought about doing anything sexual with them, and whenever his partner and himself reach the level of intimacy where they feel comfortable enough to undress in front of him, he only thinks about how beautiful they are and nothing else. I know not a lot of people really like this headcanon but I feel like Michelangelo just isn’t someone who feels sexual attraction.

Romantically, however, he’s panromantic. I fully believe that Michelangelo is truly blind to someone’s gender or sex and his love is blind to something like that. He had no preference for masculinity, femininity and etc, as long as they’re kind and love him, he’ll love them right back.

Similarly, Donatello is biromantic demisexual. There was a long period of wondering if he was lying to himself because he thought he was like his younger brother in terms of sexual orientation but that changed when he developed a short-lived crush on both April and Casey. It took a very long time for Donatello to accept himself because he constantly thought that he had lied to himself and others about what part of his identity was. But over time, he became comfortable and happy with it. I like to think that he and Michelangelo helped each other out during the stages of their questioning.

I do have a headcanon that if the turtles didn’t have such good control over their bodies and their bodies were as fragile as a human’s, then Raphael would have a prosthetic limb. It’s been depicted that he’s one of the most reckless during battle and has a lack of instinct when it comes to self-preservation, so I think that he would have a prosthetic limb due to that. In a lot of fanart, he has been drawn having much more scars than his brothers and I think that there’s a clear reason for that and that reason proves as evidence of sorts of my headcanon. I think that since his body is very durable however, he has some nerve damage from previous missions and he has more nerve damage that his brothers like he has more scars than them as well.

I whole-heartedly support the headcanons that Michelangelo and Donatello have mental disorders such as autism and ADHD, as someone who has a type of ADHD. However, I also believe that Leonardo and Raphael both have depression due to their post-traumatic stress disorder. I think that all the turtles have post-traumatic stress, but as the oldest, Raphael and Leonardo may have more stress to deal with because they have the constant fear and responsibility of protecting their younger brothers.

Raphael clearly has aggression issues as well as problems with anger, and I think that he is aware of his behavior and that behavior has delved into depression. He’s often isolated by his brothers and isolated himself after having an episode of emotional outburst and being alone with intrusive thoughts afterwards is always a bad idea.

While Donatello has autism and Michelangelo has several forms of dyslexia and ADHD, Leonardo has OCD as well as depression like Raphael. He has a schedule to follow and not following that schedule leads to intense anxiety and panic. I think that Splinter is aware of the mental issues each of his sons have and introduced meditation as a way to help, but only Leonardo really got invested. But meditation has become a part of his personal schedule and not being able to mediate triggers the anxiety he feels. Having his things out of place makes him very uncomfortable, and he often compulsively repeats things because he has anxiety that he forgot to do it. Such as patrolling an area three times, feeling an uncontrollable need to check he has his katanas even though he just checked. I also think that Leonardo has a compulsive need to count his steps and make them even, never step on cracks, and other small things like that that effect him.

These are my headcanons for the turtles considering the minorities I think they would be in, though I also have a small little headcanon that Leonardo needs glasses but always refuses them. I don’t know why I have it as a headcanon, it’s just cute to me

~~~

Another fantastic set of headcanons from @writtenspacedust! These honestly serve & I can see all of these 100%.

#tmnt #tmnt-submission #tmnt-imagines #submission #i stan your ace mikey stance very hard. sometimes homies joke about giving each other some sloppy toppy. asexual culture #we see each other dot png

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undercoverwizardfanfiction · 4 years

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Rottmnt: Frayed Part 2

Summary: In which Draxum reminds us that he really was a bad guy at one point. This chapter is dedicated and written for one of my favorite people @fraymotiif who has a birthday today! And I for one am very happy they were born. Happy FrayDay! (yes i know the irony complete happy accident)

Word Count: 2918

Genre: Hurt Comfort Family

Pairings: *wacks with a broom* NO

Characters: Draxum, MIkey, Leo Donnie

“Drax you get what you said to Don was bad right?” Even though Mikey had promised to have this conversation, he was still only half sure that Draxum would actually listen to him, and according to that irritated sigh Draxum let out he wasn’t even sure he was doing that. But Mikey didn’t care, standing by as Draxum put a lid on the bowl of doggie treats and put it in his top cupboard, probably trying to think of what to say, “You were the one who told me that to be truthful is always the most effective way to uphold a legislature.”

Mikey blinked before glancing back to Raphael, who was picking up board pieces with a desperate ‘please explain this’ look on his face, “I think Draxum’s trying to say honesty is the best policy.”

“That is what I said.” Draxum said with an eye roll. Even though he didn’t have a lot in common with Don, they were both proficient in eye rolling. But Mikey shook his head, “But that only works in certain situations and what you said wasn’t true. ItT was just mean.”

“I spoke my mind, and from my perspective. I can not apologize for that.”

That’s what Mikey had been afraid of, Drax was a stubborn person and there had been times when his stubbornness had won out over Mikey’s’ (like when Mikey tried to convince Draxum that fish food was not a food seasoning) “Draxum , I invited my bro’s here because I thought you needed more socialization. But I’m not going to ask them to come back if you’re just going to bully Donnie.”

“Your brother shouldn’t be so sensitive. “

“He’s not, he was born different. It doesn’t bother you that I have ADHD or that Leo has Anxiety. But Donnie having Autism and a sensitive shell is where you draw the line?” Mikey crossed his arms. Draxum gave him a glare out of the corner of his eye before setting the snack bowls in the sink. That was an answer that Mikey couldn’t accept, “Fine. If you’re really such a lost cause then I guess there’s no reason to keep visiting. I bet you’ll love spending all your days off alone.”

It’s the first thing he says that actually causes Draxum to pause, digging his fingers into the wooden laminate countertop. The wood curling up from the force of his nails. Raph must have noticed the sudden anger surging from Draxum since he stepped in closer to Mikey’s’ side. The youngest appreciated Raph’s protectiveness, but knew Draxum wouldn’t do anything and was just ventting his anger on something that wouldn’t feel pain. Mikey tapped Raph on the arm, “Thanks for the doggie bag” he said taking the bag of spare dog treats that Draxum had set aside for them to take home (he was a bit worried at how many treats Raph had eaten, but wasn’t going to judge)

“Can I expect you and your brothers to return next week?”

Mikey looked back, Draxum who hadn’t left the counter and refused to look at him. Instead choosing to pick at the grooves he had scratched into his counter. As though a part of him hoped he could fix what he had just broken.

“I don’t speak for my brothers, if they decide to try again it's on them.” But then he paused, he was sure he had seen Draxum’s posture tighten, not in anger this time, and that alone helped him say, “But I’ll be back.” He promised. Again, he ignored Draxum’s’ posture relaxing as he stepped out the door.

(#)(#)\/(#)(#)

Donnie considered himself a turtle of many talents. There was his obvious superior intellect, his unmatched battle style, and his earth shattering humble nature. Most of which , he liked to believe, came from his razor sharp focus. But as he rubbed at his tired eyes trying to force his computer screen to unblur, he wondered if he had accidentally dropped his focus on his way home. He paused at what he had just thought and groaned angrily. Was that a joke? He was the funny one but that one was unworthy of wit. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat, he was so tired that he didn’t realize he had started to rub his eyes, before it dawned on him, “Oh avocado toast, “he cursed, he dabbed his contacts out of this eyes with the tips of his fingers, glaring at their crumbled form, “Why do you do this every night?” He asked, before throwing them away. He restacked some blueprints to his left and ,with a sigh, pulled out his back up black glasses and pulled them on. He’d have to order more tomorrow . He cast a more clear look at the computer before sighing again at his empty mug. Maybe going to bed was the best idea.

You’ll always be a burden.

Donnie let out a groan before dropping his head on his arms. Ever since he had that little talk with Draxum outside the Bodega he had kept to himself, trying to think of anything else. He noticed his hands had started shaking again, with an exasperated ‘bah’ he stood from his desk and snatched up his coffee mug.

Put it out.

Just put it out.

He had gotten a few texts from Mikey, one asking him if he was ok, one giving a thumbs up when Don texted verification they were home, and now this one telling him they were on their way. He groaned as he imagined Raph coming home and immediately setting into his ‘therapist Raph phase’ asking him overly concerned questions with a head tilt, shaking bottom lip and eyes that begged for the truth lest he burst into tears.

Luckily he had just enough time to grab his spare coffee grinds from the kitchen and go to his room before that started up. He ducked out into the main room of the Lair when he heard a strangled sound coming from the living room. Don took another look at the text from Mikey, noting that he had only sent it a few minutes ago, so there was no way he was home yet. “Leo?” He called, it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing to have Leo try to go to bed early but give up and watch tv.

“-Merry Christmas Dear Beth-“ came a soft British accent from the living room. Almost immediately Don sighed loudly, “Not again.” Ducking into the living room to see Leo sitting in the armchair wrapped up iIn a blanket, tears pouring free down his twisted face struggling to keep his composure as his eyes stayed fixated on the projector screen, Donnie recognized the Civil War Era attire as three young women hugged an older man in a civil war uniform, Leo looked at him with eyes swollen from crying noting his presence by pausing the tv, “Dee, Beth’s dying.”

“For the love of- Little Women again!? This is the third time this week.”

“I- have a taste for the finer things in life you KNOW that.”Leo said with a stiff upper lip, wrapping his blanket tighter around himself, “only a true feminist understands the struggles of little women.”

Don brought his hand up, pinching the rim of his eyes beneath his glasses, “Dude seriously you cry every time you watch it.”

“Joloved Laurie! And-and this is Beth’s last Christmas sweet little Beth, salt of the earth I –“ Leo let out a rattling sob rubbing his eyes (and snot) over his blanket, “It should've of been me! It should have been-“ he let out another wheezing sob before coughing loudly that immediately took Don away from his exasperation. He snatched up the remote from Leo’s hands despite his squawk of protest, “Leo no, I’m not doing this again. Every time you watch this movie you cry yourself into an anxiety attack. Last time you almost passed out.” He turned the screen over to their online collection as Leo began weeping again, ” NO Dee mercy please! I have to be there! I have to be there for Beth! And Jo! And Mary and Amy, oh God JO!!!!!!! Have you no heart?!?” He demanded with all the dramatics that he probably got from reading so many Jane Austen and Louisa May Alcott books. Donnie normally would have been hurt by someone insinuating he had no heart. But it was hard to take his swollen faced brother seriously. He looked around and saw a half melted bowl of (shudder) peanut butter ice cream with crushed up Komodo

Dragon chips on top all drowned in hot sauce . He picked it up and shoved it into Leo’s’ hands, “Eat it. Breathe. Watch Monty Python.” With one hand rubbing Leo’s trembling shoulders, his free one rubbing Leos’ shoulders going through their online collection till he found the Holy Grail and started it up. But Leo twisted away the best he could in disgust, “How dare you. Monty Python has none of the dignity and heart of-“ and then the movie started. Leo was fixated before bursting into a loud hearty laugh that didn’t seem possible to have come from someone who had just been crying himself sick ‘“DONNIE LOOK HE HAS COCONUTS!!! HE’S BANGING COCONUTS TOGETHER BE-BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE HORSES!!!! LOOK THEY'RETHEYR’E APPROACHING THE CASTLE-“

Don let out a tired breath, “Yes Leo, we’ve watched this movie enough times I know how it goes.”

“Aw man, remember when we snuck into our favorite theatre and watched it in that abandoned room? That was the best!, Ook sure we were supposed to be buying bread for dad and he thought we had been abducted but come one what’s a five month grounding against watching a classic-“ Don had started slipping way when Leo caught him, his face falling again making Don wonder if these wild mood swings were a result of his insomnia, or from eating foods that were absolutely not supposed to go together, “Dee no! Don’t go! Watching Monty Python by yourself is the saddest thing you can do! And I’m still emotional!!” He reached up to him with grabby hands and a pouty face again. Don wasn’t normally one who listens to his brothers requests (sometimes just because they were dumb, most of the time out of spite) but he couldn’t refuse a brother who was giving him that level of sadness, “Ok ok fine. Scoot.” He demanded as he joined Leo in the armchair. Immediately Leo dropped his head on his shoulder and returned to scooping ice cream into his mouth, “Yer- wea’ing y’ur glasses.” He noted.

“My contacts dried out,” Don explained. Thankful Leo was probably too out of it to do the whole ‘donnnniiiieeeee you without glasses is a crime against humanity!’ And try to hide his contacts again. He wasn’t sure what Leo’s’ fascination was with him with glasses, but he only put up with it because they were family.

(his fascination with it is that you look cute in glasses, Don)

“You ok Dee?”

Don blinked, unsure if it was the ice cream that had snapped Leo back into insanity or what, but at least Leo wasn’t out of it or struggling to breath, “yeah why?”

Leo gave him a look before looking at Don’s forearm. The purple ninja was confused until he realized he was tapping away at his bare forearm as though he was still wearing his gauntlet. Don flexed his fingers before tucking them back against his side, “I’m fine.”

“You promised me you weren’t going to listen to that pompous goat, remember?”

“Yeah because it was just a few hours ago.” Donnie hadn’t told Leo about his little encounter with Draxum outside the bodega, mostly because he didn’t want Leo stomping back to Draxum’s apartment to start (another) fight.

He loved his unofficial twin, and he appreciated all the times Leo had been his safety net. But he couldn’t handle that right now. He noticed that Leo hadn’t looked away from him, oh what now- “you’re not wearing your hoodie?”

“My shell is still a little tender, I wanted to give it a break.” Which was the truth, he hated the fact that a little bump had done that to him.

“Dee,” oh no, Leo had turned away from the movie entirely now, all signs of sleep/feels/sugar drunk were gone. All that was left was the concern that Don found hard to ignore, “I promised you that I would tell you if I thought you were bottling up your emotions. Well I’m telling you now-“

“I’m not-“ Don took a deep breath, his fingers twitched for the soft comfort of his currently charging gauntlet, ”I’m not trying to bottle up my feelings. I’m tired, my shell hurts and I just want to watch a movie with my brother.’ This time the two met eyes. He could feel Leo searching his face for any signs of distress, anything that would justify his concern and give him a reason to go back and give Draxum what he deserved. But Don took a deep breath, putting his hand on his brother's shoulder , “I promise to talk to you if I need to. And if you still think I’m bottling up my emotions in the morning, we’ll talk. And I’ll buy you a entire gallon of “ Don shivered, “wasabi dragon ice cream.”

He wasn’t sure it would be enough to deter Leo till his face lit up, “Ok deal! I’ll hold you to it!” He grinned broadly in a way that almost made Donnie envious. He didn’t say it often, but he had always been jealous of the way Leo could let things go (other than being thrown off roofs) and his ability to shift between being the annoying brother who made Splinter go prematurely grey, and the brother who would give him a safe space to cry and talk about his feelings without making him feel belittled. He was about to get up when Leo threw the blanket he had been wearing around Don’s shoulders to trap them together, “nope no way, no more lab time, I need someone to help me reenact the shrubbery scene with me. And it can only be my funniest brother.”

Despite himself, Don let himself laugh, leaning back against soft pillows as Leo started up the movie again. It wasn’t long after the rabid rabbit scene (during which Leo took a quick pic to send to Usagi with the caption ‘don’t do this to me’) Raph and Mikey returned. And the night inevitably fell into a classic brothers movie night. He caught Raph glancing at his direction a few times telling him that he had been right to think his brother would be concerned (keeping his distance from Leo’s bowl of peanutbutter ice cream)) but he took a deep breath. His mind, usually plagued by the questions of the universe, repeated a single thought as his fingers tapped at his imaginary gauntlet.

“Everything is ok.”

Part 1 Part 2 (coming soon)

#rottmnt #Rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt fanfiction #leo #donnie #frayed #shattered #undercoverwizardninjaturtle #hurt #comfort #famiily #what?! I tagged someone other then Leo and Donnie?!#What witchcraft is this?!#you’re not Charmy!#tmnt fanfiction #fanfiction

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brichirobert1234 · 4 years

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Golden Deer

Claude: Mongolian Immigrant; Friends with Hilda since childhood; B+ Student

Hilda: Italian; Friends with Claude since childhood, C- Student

Lorenz: Greek; Heir to large company; Has a Crush on Marianne; A Student

Ignatz: Spanish; Extraordinary Artist; A Student

Lysithea: German; Has Terminal Breast Cancer; A+ Student; Niece to Hanneman

Leonie: Italian; Star Lacrosse Player; Dating Felix; B Student

Raphael: Greek-Italian; Star Rugby Player; Dating Bernadetta; Everybody’s friend; D+ Student (But actually tries)

Marianne: French; On Suicide Watch; Befriended all the nearby fauna; B+ Student

Blue Lions

Dimitri: Russian; Has PTSD and Survivor’s Guilt but gets therapy; Star Football Player; A- Student

Dedue: Turkish; Owes Dimitri his life; B- Student

Annette: French; Member of the Drama Club; Best friends with Mercedes since childhood; A+ Student

Mercedes: French; Sole Costume Crew for the Drama Club; Best friends with Annette since childhood; Jeritza’s Sister; A Student

Ingrid: Norweigan; On Lacrosse Team; B+ Student

Sylvain: French-Spanish; Has Crush on Mercedes; Heir to large company; Loves Bernadetta’s Novel; C+ Student

Felix: Russian; Dating Leonie; Star HEMA and Fencer; B- Student

Ashe: Polish; HEMA participant; A- Student

Black Eagles

Edelgard: German; Daughter of a major politician; A Student

Hubert: German; Incel; Has had a crush on Edelgard for as long as he’s known her but is too awkward and scared to confess; A+ Student

Dorothea: German; Star Actor in Drama Club; Knows about Hubert’s crush and tries to help him with it; B- Student

Caspar: Polish; ADHD; B Student

Lindhardt: Polish; Narcoleptic; B+ Student

Bernadetta: Danish; Writing a novel, is embarrassed that Sylvain has read it; Has a Panic Anxiety Disorder; Dating Raphael; A- Student

Petra: Manx; English is her second language; HEMA participant and Fencer; A Student

Ferdinand: German; Son of a major politician; A Student

Church of Seiros

F!Byleth: Teacher of Literature; Girls Lacrosse Coach; M!Byleth’s twin sister.

M!Byleth: Teacher of Math; Boys Football Coach; F!Byleth’s twin brother.

Jeralt: Physical Education Teacher; Rugby Coach; Father of the Byleths.

Manuela: Spanish; Teacher of Music; Drama Club Director.

Hanneman: English; Teacher of Science; Uncle of Lysithea.

Catherine: Greek; Permanent Sub; Girls Football Coach.

Shamir: Irish; Permanent Sub; Girls Cross Country Coach.

Gatekeeper: Belrusian; School Security Guard.

Seteth: Assistant Principal; Brother of Rhea, Father of Flayn, Adoptive Uncle to Cyril; Immigrant from Wales.

Flayn: Member of the Drama Club; Immigrant from Wales; Daughter of Seteth, Adopted Cousin to Cyril.

Rhea: Welsh; Principal; Cyril’s Adoptive Mother.

Cyril: Middle School Student; Rhea’s adopted son from Mongolia.

Alois: Scottish; Physical Education Teacher; HEMA and Fencing Coach.

Jeritza: French; Assistant HEMA and Fencing Coach; Mercedes’ Brother

Setting

Gareg Mach is a boarding school in Switzerland, with the best and brightest coming to study for Secondary School years 9-12. Most of the named students are Year 11s, all being around 17-18, with Lysithea being the exception at age 15 as she is smart enough to skip a few years. Cyril is an 8th year, but goes to a local Secondary School with his skills alone causing his acceptance to Gareg Mach the following year. The general regions of the houses are with the Leicester Alliance being generally southern Europe like Greece, Italy, and Spain, the Kingdom of Faergus being France, Russia, Scandinavia minus Denmark, and the Slavic States, and the Ardestrian Empire being Germany, the British Isles, and Denmark. The Nabateans are just regular people, albeit with a rare condition to have naturally green hair, which they often dye to avoid confusion and embarrassment. Sothis is the founder of Gareg Mach, although has passed away. She befriended the Byleths when they were children.

#FE3H #Fire Emblem #Modern AU #I wrote this while really tired so please excuse any mistakes #Or bad ideas/writing

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turtleshorties · 5 years

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Authors note: Since I passed psychology and psychiatry classes, I feel like a doctor in my mind, so here’s what diagnoses I would give the turtles. ;P

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT and I am not a licensed doctor (but a soon-to-be assistant nurse).

Warnings: Mentioning of mental illness.

Leonardo - OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). I’ll give Leo this diagnose, because in his mind everything has to be a certain and specific way. Like everything in his room has to be organized and in place, not a mess. He has to be up at a certain time in the morning (I personally think he’s a morning bird, up around 6am every morning), and he has a daily rutine that he follows, like what exact time he will go meditate or train. He’s just very specific and likes to keep things organized.

Raphael - ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). Raph gets this diagnose, because he is hyperactive (which I believe gives him more energy to work out) and his emotions is deep. His emotions is extreme, which is why when he gets angry, he get really angry, or when he’s sad or happy, he will be really sad or happy. Sometimes he let’s his feelings control him, which makes it harder for him to focus and concentrate. Another thing is that he’s moody. It doesn’t take a whole lot to piss this bara off.

Donatello - depression. I would give Donnie the diagnose depression, because deep inside of his turtle heart, he is lonely. He isolate himself alot and spend hours, or even days in his lap to work on projects or any technology without getting enough sleep and having some free time to hang out and have fun. Not only that, but deep inside of him he want to be normal, to be human and to be accepted. He can only dream of going to college and get a real job as a scientist. We can see the pain and sadness in his eyes in TMNT 2016 when he has found the solution for them to change, but Leo turns it down and tells him they don’t need this kinda change.

Michelangelo - bipolar type 1. Mikey is diagnosed with bipolar type 1, this because his mood is very jumpy, from mania and hypomania (beyond happy) to a mild or major depression. When he’s happy, his mind is thinking fast and he can make choices or say things without thinking through if it was a good thing or not (which is mania and hypomania the lighter version of mania). However, there are certain times where he gets in his feelings and is depressed, for also same reasons as Donnie, he wish to be human and normal so he could live a more normal life.

#turtleshorties canons #turtleshorties headcanons #leonardo #raphael #donatello #michelangelo #leo #raph #donnie #mikey #tmnt #tmnt headcanon

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brightlotusmoon · 1 year

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I am suddenly reminded of a short story I wrote like ten years ago after my autism confirmation: 2003 Donnie finally getting around to researching ADHD for Mikey and then diagnosing all four of them. Then going on a streak of criticizing the DSVM until his brothers drag him into Mikey's room and pack him in the nest of the bed and then pile on top of him. They don't necessarily sleep. They just talk about ADHD until Splinter yells at them to go the fuck to sleep.

Ideas will continue as they develop.

#tmnt dreams #the ninja turtles are autistic #tmnt mikey has always had adhd #adhd raphael is accepted #thesis #2003 Mikey deserved better #i might write a fic about this #neurodivergent characters #ADHD characters #adhd brain go aaaaaa #but everything changed when my mentor coined neurodivergence

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paradisecost · 5 years

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Share a random sex fact about each of your muses. [ALL 5000 OF THEM lol]

me, opening up my muse list because despite literally editing it this morning to take off any inactive ones I CAN’T G-DDAMN REMEMBER ALL 27 OF THEM SDKFJNF.

putting this under a cut because as you might imagine, it’s LONG.

Bla/ck Sa/ils Muses

Flint - Deeply dislikes 69′ing. He’s easily overwhelmed when it comes to sensory things and pleasure as it is, so the concept of trying to both suck someone off and be sucked off at the same time is just like… THAT SOUNDS HELLISH, ONE THING AT A TIME PLEASE. PLUS he likes to be… if not facing his partner, then at least facing the same fucking direction as them.

Silver - Doesn’t have as much of a libido as you might think, especially after he loses his leg - trauma tends to fuck that kind of thing up even when it’s not related to bodily autonomy shit. Postcanon Silver in particular is usually tremendously uninterested in sex, partly because of the lack of libido and partly because G-d forbid he ever form a connection with anyone ever again, even if he has Madi’s blessing to do so.

Thomas - Just a big ol’ fuckin’ voyeur (though only if the other parties are aware and pleased that he’s watching). Like is he sexually attracted to women? No. Would he gladly watch Miranda fuck a lady and get turned on during it regardless? Absolutely. Same applies to male partners tbh. Thomas vc: LET ME WATCH TRUCK AND JAMES FUCKING, I’M BEGGING YOU.

Madi - Doesn’t particularly enjoy going down on people, regardless of gender; it makes her feel sort of suffocated and uncomfortable, and she’s not a fan of how it feels in general. She likes receiving oral, but will always be very clear with her partners that it’s not something she can reciprocate, and there’s no obligation for them to go down on her if they don’t want to. (One of her favourite things about Silver is that he’s always delighted to go down on her, and equally as delighted to have her hand on him afterwards rather than her mouth.)

Rackham - Tbh canon-verse Rackham is barely interested in sex (which… they don’t know is because GENDER DYSPHORIA but shh) but one thing they do enjoy is just. Tits tbh. They’d kiss and leave hickeys on a lady’s breasts all fucking night if she’d let them (Anne didn’t, because Anne generally preferred to be the one doing the touching - hence why Jack was so often tied up when they fucked, which they’re fine with bc G-D I FORGOT THEY’RE INTO THAT TOO).

Age of Sail OCs

Esther - She’s not a fan of any kind of restraint play, whether it’s giving or receiving. She doesn’t like D/s type things or anything similar and is very much vanilla in terms of her sexual preferences, and calling her by any kind of title would probably make her cackle with laughter. (She absolutely loves laughing and joking around during sex it’s her favourite.)

Morbés - Is often more interested in the build-up to sex than the act itself; he’d rather make out for hours and flirt and tease than anything else, though he does enjoy sex very much once he’s having it. Likes to have his hands tied, but only if it doesn’t require a key or some shit to free him.

Oisín - THIS MAN HAS NEVER FUCKED UHHH he’d probably be too scared to go down on anyone until they’d been together for a longass time. I feel like he sees it as this Big Scary Thing He Might Be Terrible At, and it puts him off even trying because he’s so fucking repressed and anxious in terms of sex and sexuality in general already.

Be/dlam Sta/cks Muses

Raphael - HE’S NEVER FUCKED!! THIS MAN IS A PRIEST!!! But ALSO he would love manhandling his partner (gently) and nonverbally teasing them when they start wriggling in protest when he doesn’t let them move or touch him yet kdsjsdkfjng. (And also: likes it when his partners control him by tugging on his hair, as long as it’s not too hard.)

Merrick - Come to think of it THIS MAN HAS NEVER FUCKED EITHER. Probably likes to murmur in his partner’s ear and hold them while they get themselves off. He’s very much a giver.

Modern OCs

Ace - This is the biggest trope in the fucking world but LISTEN his wings and back are hypersensitive and that’s just how it is. Touching his wings won’t just like turn him on in general, it has to be while he’s in a sexual situation, but gently tugging and manipulating them and rubbing at the base of them is The Good Shit. He also likes to have them pinned down, because it’s a little in the same erotic vein as having your arms pinned (since… wings are just fancy limbs lbr here).

Knotch - MONSTERFUCKER.

Lyall - Can and will manhandle her partners and just generally show off her strength a whole bunch. She likes to banter and joke around during sex and in most circumstances will get uncomfortable if someone takes it too seriously, unless she’s in like a steady relationship and knows the person properly etc.

Red - I refuse to believe this man knows what a fuck is NO I’M KIDDING OF COURSE HE DOES. Are you a monsterfucker if YOU’RE the monster???? Well, either way. ANYWAY. He absolutely doesn’t sleep with anyone he doesn’t know very well; not because he places a Higher Importance on sex, but because he doesn’t really like touching people he doesn’t know anyway, and he’s not interested enough in sex to really seek it out unless it’s like… a way of bonding with someone he trusts and cares about.

Sax - Is sex-repulsed and just Does Not Fuck, ever. She gets extremely uncomfortable if people even bring it up around her and will straight-up snap if someone makes sexual insinutations about her in any way.

XMCU/MCU Muses

Charles - Very much more into receiving than giving, though that changes by necessity after his injury; he can’t really feel much down there anymore, so he generally takes pleasure by pleasing his partner and feeling it through their minds (with their consent).

Erik - Will almost never accept oral. Generally doesn’t really like receiving pleasure in general; he’s most often sex-repulsed, but when he does fuck, he generally wants to be pleasing his partner. It’s not uncommon for him to refuse to let them touch him at all, and he almost never removes any of his clothing.

Frank - You know those weird fucking growly sounds Frank makes in DDS2?? Yeah, he fucking makes those in bed too, often without even realising he’s doing it and very often if he’s in subspace.

HP Muses

Remus - Extremely self-conscious about his body and won’t generally remove his clothes. If there’s penetration involved, he prefers to be the one doing the penetration; he isn’t averse to receiving it, he just won’t really go for it unless his partner initiates it first.

Sirius - He WILL make you laugh at a stupid pun while you’re nutting.

Sta/r Tre/k Muses

Bones - Has a weird thing for doing it outdoors as long as there’s nobody around. Local Georgia man wants to FUCK in a FIELD.

Jim - Compliment his body and he’s yours forever.

Spock - HAND FUCKING HAND FUCKING HAND FUCKING

Test Muses

Aziraphale - This angel FUCKS, because in this house we’re sick of “nonhuman beings are Too Superior to Care About Sex” tropes. He WILL let you ride his dick and call you all kinds of beautiful things the entire time.

Crowley - This demon ALSO FUCKS, albeit significantly less than his angelic counterpart. Has a Music To Fuck To playlist and there is not one single Queen song on it, no matter how much Aziraphale insists he should have Get Down Make Love on there.

Newt - The man is an ADHD/autistic mess and frequently gets distracted during making out or even in the middle of sex because his attention span is horrendous. He can only stay interested/focused for so long, folks.

Credence - I refuse to believe this man knows what a fuck is. If someone touched his dick he’d nut in like a minute because he’s never been touched in his LIFE.

THAT’S IT THAT’S ALL THE MUSES ARE YOU HAPPY.

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twinhalvcs-blog · 7 years

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okie , so here are the triplets in the pregnancy / egg verse • left bab - hamato rei - middle child intersex - female identifying - bisexual this little lady is the nervous wreck of the three , she is very concerned about her own honor & purity , she is the mom friend of the three & a back seat driver of sorts , she was the first to start training and rarely takes off her gear because she wants more than anything to be a ninja . her biggest role models are splinter , leo , and usagi . talents - sewing / singing / ninjutsu • middle bab - hamato akane - youngest child female - abrosexual this little lady is a tomboy , she was drawn to her brother raphael because of how similar they looked and she started following him and copying him from a young age , she is very relaxed and it takes her a very long time to blow up . however once the bottle breaks it's bad , swears are slipped , a few punches and bites may be thrown in as well . she enjoys many activities and has a huge competitive streak that leads her to try everything she can . her biggest role models are raphael , slash , casey , and mona . talents - sewing / knitting / painting / drawing / ninjutsu • right bab - hamato hikaru - oldest child he was born prematurely , he's the miracle baby , he suffers from mild to severe asthma and has an unexplainable limp and poor leg control . he's incredibly curious and smart , he wants to learn about everything in the world , especially the things he may never be able to do , he spends most of his time with his pet grey parrot , chewi . he wants to be independent as possible but will gratefully accept help when he needs it , he knows his boundaries and is careful about them . he can get depressed at times . his role models are donnie , mikey , orita , and april . talents - ventriloquism / puppeteering / graphic novel writing / advanced reading / coding / chess / card games / magic tricks / • fun facts - akane is the only sibling without adhd - they have their own version of ‘ twin talk ‘ - they are the boys half siblings ( father unknown ) -

#long post #[ my art ]#// char tag // troublesome triplets // tbt //#// char tag // i’m forgetting something . . . it’s important isn’t it ? // orita //#// verse tag // dear theodosia what to say to you // next gen verse //#// twinhalvcs // tracking tag //#[ mobile. ]

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

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Magnus with vivid nightmares or like sleep paralysis lying there terrified and frozen but alec wakes up and notices and comforts him like coaxing him out of it with warm hands on his face grounding him

STRONGLY AGREE

okay iffjfnc im gonna tag my dear, beautiful, brilliant friend @biconicfinn because we were just talking about this the other day and if they want they can add their own ideas and hcs. she was talking to me specifically about Magnus waking up from nightmares and trying desperately to hide them from Alec, so as not to be a burden to him, not wake him up and ruin his night, let him see how high maintenance he is

(I'm tagging you for credit purposes and because i thought you might be interested in this, baby, but dont feel pressured to reply or add or anything)

so I'm thinking specifically he has nightmares about people abandoning him? :)) alec breaking up with him, or leaving one day, or telling him that hes just too tired of him and his crap, raphael forgetting about him, madzie avoiding him, until he's utterly alone and no one wants to talk to him and hes hated and despised and told that hes a monster, hes unlovable, hes clingy and tiring and too much. and he wakes up with half of a gasp on his lips, panting and crying, and feeling just as pathetic as he was told he was in the dream. and maybe normally he would wake Alec up, or just leave the room, oe something, but he feels frozen in place and terrified and the dark hour and the effects of the nightmare cling to him and amplify all his insecurities and make him feel as if waking Alec up would make Alec think that he's clingy and annoying, and decide to leave him

so hes crying quietly and trying not to shake, and Magnus moves around a lot in bed so usually when they sleep they are a little apart that's the only explanation I'll accept on why they were never cuddling when they just woke up. you know they cuddle all the time okay they like having each other close and safe that's canon fuck you so Alec isn't touching him and he feels like there's an abyss between them, and it's suffocating. adding some ADHD Magnus into the mix just for fun, he probably feels like. understimulated and sensorially deprived and it makes his brain go haywire but he's frozen and terrified of being rejected by Alec right then, and so his brain just keeps jumping between one terrible thought to another just to feel something and he can't stop. it's like there's an overwhelming silence all over his skin, and his mind needs nightmares to be able to fill it

and the thing is, he's good at hiding his noises from nightmares, freakishly good after so many years of practice with asmodeus (whod get mad and say that he had to get over his stupid weaknesses) and Camille (who featured in many of his nightmares anyway so he didn't even want her to wake up and interact with him, which drove him crazy with guilt; but also the few times that she did wake up she was in a sour mood all day because she "didn't sleep properly, and whose fault was that again?" and complained that he was so clingy and annoying and that its just a dream). so he's pretty much still, silent, desperately gripping his pillow trying to let it out

but Alec is a soldier, and he was trained to be a light sleeper and notice little changes, and the fact that Magnus is too still is what wakes him up, because usually he turns and moves and alec's brain picks up the change in patterns. so he wakes up (possibly halfway into a mild panic like MAGNUS WAS KIDNAPPED before he even realized it) and when he turns to look at him he's biting his lip and crying and gripping the pillow and almost shaking and it's just. heartbreaking

and Magnus is terrified because Alec woke up, shit, he wasn't supposed to see him like this, and Alec is of course immediately on him, touching his face, assessing his body trying to look for a visible reason for his distress pretty much automatically. and Magnus breathes deeply and says nothing, dear, just a nightmare. nothing to worry about. I'll be fine in the morning. but instead of turning around or sighing or showing annoyance he's just like "do you wanna talk about it? would it be okay if i touched you?" and the second question has Magnus nodding so eagerly, desperately, that it breas alec's heart all over again

so Alec wraps him in his arms and holds him close in a crushing hug, which is exactly what Magnus needs to get that good, calming pressure and stimulum, and it helps calm his racing mind enough for him to breathe a little bit. and he feels so stupid, it was just a nightmare, Alec is right there, but it got to him somehow between the complete exhaustion from the amount of work he'd been having the last few days, that had been driving him apart from Alec and his friends anyway, and his insecurities, and the dark, and his racing mind. and Alec doesn't demand anything, doesn't even try to get him to talk, just holds him extra close and strokes his hair and tells Magnus that he's there

and Magnus tells him, I'm sorry, I just. had this dream where i was alone, and I was so scared, and I felt like if i disturbed you it'd come true. and Alec tells him "it wont come true, Magnus, this, you and me, it's forever. and so many people are so loyal to you, Raphael and Catarina and Madzie and Dot, they'd never leave you. dont you see? you bring people closer together, Magnus. you're what drives them. they wouldnt leave you" and Magnus nods weakly and holds on to him, scared of believing him, but wanting to, knowing deep down hes right. and Alec kisses his face all over and tells him i love you, i love you, i love you, until he falls asleep again, comfortable in his arms with his soothing scent and body enveloping him. and when he wakes up, they're still close, Alec not wanting to let him go even if it was just a hand draped over his body because of Magnus' moving around

#ask #anonymous #sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #malec #malec ficlet #long post #adhd magnus bane #camille belcourt is an abuser #camille's trash party #asmodeus' trash party

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