#never leaves a mess when he ransacks our garbage

[crowseverywhere]

benny!!

[torvus-bong]

roomie rant

honestly can't wait to get the fuck out of here. even though my last roommates were a lot shittier than my current one, the small things he does still irritate me to no end, and fuck his dog too

so when I moved in I was still recovering from depression and I hadn't been keeping up with chores. This lead to us basically saying we needed to be more considerate to each other.

So I did. I've been more considerate. But him? Nah

Last night I needed to use the sink for something. I discover it's clogged because he didn't bother to clean it after disconnecting the dishwasher from the tap. This morning, I discover bong resin all over the sink AND the few dishes within. Like, what the fuck? Who willingly pours resin over their dishes? Everytime I clean my bong I clean (and empty ffs) the sink afterwards.

He or his dog messes up the mats in the bathroom literally every day and does not take the 20 seconds to untangle them and put them back in place. I'm sick of doing it for him.

He also doesn't seem to know his own strength. My sleeping area is right above the back door, where he leaves every morning for school. Before he used to literally slam doors and claimed not to, and only telling him it was triggering my PTSD got him to lay up a bit. But still, when he closes the back door with even a little force, it literally shakes my bed like an earth tremor. I've told him repeatedly to be careful, and he seems to take offense to it too? Like buddy, I'm a light sleeper. I want to invite him to lay in my bed while I close the door downstairs with various strengths. How would he like to be woken up every morning by someone shaking his bed? Maybe that will get him to close it gently in the morning like a teenager sneaking out while everyone's still asleep, because that's what it takes for it to not shake my bed. Ridiculous, I know.

And lastly, he kept fucking swapping our paper towels because I have Bounty and he has some shitty dollar store brand. Yes, I noticed, I'm not a dumbass, and now I keep my paper towels in my room. This one is the most offensive, I think - does he think I'm stupid enough to just use the paper towels in my "spot", even though they have different patterns, thickness and differing amounts of paper left on the roll?

The dog was mostly fine up until that stupid dog he housesat for a week. That dog (Bella) would come into my room any chance she got, ransack the garbage, and eat ALL of my cat's dry and wet food. Phouka (roomies dog), up until this point, knew pretty well not to enter my room. But now? If I leave my room unattended, he goes in there and eats all of Charlotte's food. All the disciplining in the world hasn't changed it, but I also haven't caught him in the act yet - I only know because her dish is pushed far underneath the chair near it, like the dog does to his food dish, and Charlotte never moves her dish while eating because it's on a fucking carpet. I show him the empty dish too, and he knows. When I told roomie he confirmed that it was him, but the only solution he gave was to put up a baby gate with enough space for Char to pass through underneath it. But I also use this thoroughfare! It connects my sleeping/clothes area to my desk area. I can't have it closed off like that.

Ugh. I really just needed to vent this. Living with my fiancé and his family will be so much better.

[kappa-is-sad]

The Boy and the Monster of Roanoke

SOOOOOOO UH THIS IS GARBAGE AND YOU DEFINITELY SHOULD NOT BE READING IT BUT UHHHHHHHHHH HERE! And honestly the only reason I’m posting this is because @welcome-to-the-losers-club-bitch hounded me until I promised I would. And this is kind of just a thing I wrote for English so its not really a fan-fiction per say even though I wrote it like it is one? But anyway yeahhhhh.... please enjoy my stupid short story I guess?

Warnings: I’m a shit writer, fluff and the mention of sex, blood, death, murder, uh there might be some curse words, angst :) Also quick note if you don’t know about Roanoke this story might be a little confusing so I’m sorry in advance!

William had never seen something so strange. It looked like a man mostly, but its arms were too long and its back was hunched over like it had always carried a heavy crate as a child and its bones ended up growing that way. Its hair was long, greasy, and unkempt; and its clothes worn and looked like they had been through hell and back. Its face however, was more beautiful than anything he had ever seen, but the eyes were what really drew him in. They were blue, too blue; they reminded him of the ocean in the afternoon, but at the same time the coldest ice. He hadn’t realized he’d been standing there staring at the creature so intently until it was right in front of him towering over him speaking directly to him.

“You are curious of me.” It said, as if it knew exactly how he felt. “Oh! Terribly sorry, I shouldn’t have been staring it’s terribly rude and I don’t know you just looked so strange and mysterious and I just couldn’t help myself! Hahaha I should probably be going now sorry..” He’d ceased his rambling to see that the creature before him was still staring down at him like he was searching for an answer to an unspoken question. “Um can I help you with something?” He had asked hoping it would say no and leave. Today however must have been his unlucky day.

“Why are you not afraid of me?” It asked as if this was the first time something hadn’t been afraid of him. “Well I don’t see any reason to be afraid; I guess you do look a bit odd but that’s no reason to be afraid of someone. Everyone is a little different. But I guess most people don’t see the world that way these days.” He finished with a sad sigh. “Is that why everyone stays away from you.” It said more as a statement than a question.

Thinking back, William had always known he looked a bit different. Born with a large stain, almost scar like birthmark that cover practically the entire right side of his face which had always put people off. Not to mention his immensely short stature for a boy his age of 17, and his even shorter temperament. Snapping back to present day suddenly remembering that the creature was still there staring down at him expectantly. “I suppose you’re not wrong. But you shouldn’t say that to anyone it might upset someone.” He said in a stern voice. “And another thing! You should introduce yourself properly to someone you’ve never even met. It’s quite rude to just come up and assume how people feel about you without even giving them your name!” He finished in a huff. ‘There,’ he thought to himself ‘that should teach him some manners! Coming up and telling me how I feel. Bollocks! As if he knows anything about me! I’ll show him to think twice about just spouting what he thinks when he wants.’

And he did. Being alone and on the outskirts of the colony of Roanoke made it easier for him to do whatever he wanted without causing much too suspicion. Over the several months the creature and him were together he’d learned many things about it and its life. The creature was always kind to William and he was always there to lend an ear to any one of Williams whims about manners and whatnot. He learned its true name was Croatoan, and that it was much more animal like. It would sometimes leave small creatures it had killed outside of Williams’ cabin as a show of affection. And William had carved Croatoan’s name into a tree near his home. They grew much closer over that time and they came to grow a bond much stronger than friendship. They had fallen in a strange and peculiar love. They would always be together during the day and when they weren’t together they’d always be thinking of the other. However all good things must come to an end.

William had noticed how the people of Roanoke would whisper and shy away from him more than he’d ever experienced. It probably had to do with the strange happenings around the colony such as finding dead animal corpses and the strange sightings around the woods near Williams’ cabin. However he pushed it off as just an above average annoyance. That was until the shouting started. “Monster!” The people would shout at him. “Satan’s Spawn! Burn the witch for his wrongs!” They’d scream as they’d throw something at him, such as rocks and rotten foods. William had attempted to tell the people they were wrong and that he’d done nothing but no one would listen to a “witch”. So he started to stay inside his cabin more and only coming out at night to be with Croatoan, however not really telling him about what was going on in the colony.

Their first night together was the best of William’s life. He was with the one he loved most in the world and Croatoan loved him just as much. After William had fallen asleep Croatoan had left to go on his usual nightly hunt leaving William to sleep as he could feel how stressed the young boy was. Unknowingly to him, that would be the last time Croatoan would ever lay eyes on William again.

William had been sleeping peacefully when all of a sudden his door was broken down. In a daze from just waking up all he knew was that he was being dragged off to God knows where in the middle of the night by his fellow townspeople. He could hear the shouts as they dragged him away. “Burn the Witch! Burn the Witch! Kill the Beast! Burn the Witch!” they chanted over and over again at the top of their lungs. Fear and rage boiling in him knowing what was about to happen. He started screaming that they were wrong, that he was innocent. He tried getting out of the hold he was in but he was to tired and weak to get free.

The next thing William knew was that he was being tied to a wooden post that sat atop a large pile of wood. He started to cry out for Croatoan to help him, but to no avail. Suddenly the shouting stopped and an older man walked up to William and the large pile of wood with a torch. With a deep, cold, and unkind voice the man yelled at the top of his lungs, “Burn in hell you wicked witch!” then threw the torch into the pile.  

The fire blazed high and hot and the pain was indescribable. William stood there screaming at the top of his lungs for Croatoan, for anyone to just help him, for someone to just cease the pain as he could feel his skin start to burn and melt away and his blood start to literally boil inside of him. But no one came to help him. Thus, William died alone. In a horrifying and excruciatingly painful way. And the last thing he thought of was how he was alone and terrified and no one would help him.

Croatoan was too far away to hear or smell what was happening however he had a feeling that something was wrong, he pushed it down however and continued to hunt. In the morning once he had captured his prey he stalked his way back to Williams cabin, excited to see him and show him what he’d caught. However when he arrived he was mortified by what he saw.

Williams’ cabin door had been thrown from its place and the cabin had been ransacked and was left a mess, however what terrified Croatoan the most was the fact that William was nowhere to be seen and that there was a trail that went away from the house. He followed it for several minutes until, to his horror, he came upon a pile of burned and blackened wood. Then looking up at what sat atop the pile was the blackened burned horrifying remains of his dear William. He stood and stared in shock as the love of his life, the only thing on the earth that understood him and that made him feel not such like a monster, was sat there as a pile of melted flesh and ashes and burned bones.

He couldn’t understand. ‘Why did this happen? Why would it happen? William had never hurt anyone! He was innocent! The ones who did this should be punished!’ He thought. His head was swirling around and around until he heard a noise behind him. His attention and head snapped towards the sound to see a woman standing there. She was looking at him with fear in her eyes. He looked down at her asking “Why was the boy killed?” “It was because he was an evil witch who had been plaguing our town! He deserved to die!” She shouted while pointing her finger at the pile.

Croatoan quickly became filled with rage, hatred, sadness, and a need for revenge. Suddenly he had an idea. He looked down at the woman and smiled. Saying thank you and stalking away back to the woods.

That night Croatoan returned to where the pile had been and had probably been cleaned up and spoke towards the ground. “William… I loved you and you loved me. However you died, in the worst way imaginable. I will indeed remember you for the rest of my time. And I will forever be grateful to you. But no you are not here anymore. And it was the fault of those wretched and disgusting people. But don’t worry my love, I’ll make sure they get what they deserve. Goodbye William.”

That night screams could be heard from miles around as Croatoan attacked the colony. Making sure to leave nothing behind and no one alive.

When word stopped coming from the colony of Roanoke, people in England became worried and sent people to see what had happened. When they arrived however they were met with a strange and puzzling sight. No one was there. It was as if the entire town decided to pack up and leave one night. As if they all had just disappeared. The only thing they found was a name written into a tree near a cabin that looked completely abandoned. “CROATOAN” it said in big bold letters.

No one ever found out what happened to the colony of Roanoke Virginia. Well, except for Croatoan. He knew exactly what happened. And he never forgot it.

[pokemon-au]

swapping teams: double bs

When it comes down to it, nolan's team consists of literal beasts, which is why Theo always calls Nolan's mons his “lackeys”. They truly are simple-minded goons because just going through over the list of everyone and they all basically joined the team and were captured because: "Why not. I had nothing else better to do. Life here is good anyway, so I’m content."

This is what you get if you interview them. Nolan's mons are..... just your regular chill bros. They just like to follow Nolan's orders, have nice chilling spots, and they’re content. All of nolan's mons are loyal to him. Loyalty is a very "duh" thing to them.

If you interview Theo about Nolan's team the way they do it in comedies, he starts on this tangent: "My bro is a good bro but he has shit taste. Look at his clothes. His Sheeple-to-outsheeple-all-sheeple boyfriend. Of course his team is full of a bunch of lackeys!!”

Nolan can't stand Theo's team.

-----

Imagine swapping teams for a week.

Nolan’s team:

Nolan's team will go along with Theo and....try their best to mimic him and do what he wants. But they are confused (“??? why”). Also he's too high-key for them and they get exhausted quite easily cuz they can't keep up with his energy.

Boog is fine though he does the exact same thing where he is distracted, blatantly pretends not to hear you, with the added bonus of realizing Nolan is gone and wanting to find him. Laz will comply for a bit, but because Nolan is so patient and understanding and gentle with him, he turns surprisingly ornery and temperamental with Theo. Baz and Lee will glance at each other and be like: "Man, I miss Nolan." "Yeah, he was chill." 

Princess WILL NOT FOLLOW THEO. Sabre too. Princess doesn't trust Theo (and Nolan doesn't trust Theo with her anyway) and Sabre refuses to leave Nolan's side too.

It’s surprising that Laz becomes temperamental. He's the most docile of the lot. None of them will like Theo. Princess will literally tear up all his clothes if she was forced to go with him, and she probably gathers all the other mons to form an entourage and escort her back to Nolan.

Makes you realize what Nolan does for them. He's chill with them, and takes care of them. They take a lot of reassurance in his energy.

Theo would introduce beauty products (face masks and etc) to Nolan’s team. He just brandishes them around and declares that he’s gonna put it on them. This is "real care" to him.

Princess won't let Theo touch her. Sabre too. Probably warns him off with a hiss and a fireball. He's probably absent most of the time. Laz doesn't want Theo to touch him and bellows threateningly, also a first because he's usually quiet. 

Lee and Baz are chill and let Theo do whatever he wants. At least it's not more screaming or convoluted battle strategies. They might enjoy it actually. They feel that Theo is very skinny, sharp and pointy. His touch is too careless and unrefined.

Boog is curious so he'll humor Theo for a bit. Probably decides to eat the face mask instead and decides he likes that and ransacks Theo for more. He might also like it enough to stick it on his face and never remove it. He might also want more to stick over his entire body. Either way he ransacks Theo for more.

-----

Theo’s team:

Red is quite happy to follow Nolan coz he recognizes Nolan, and he finally sees sense in his orders (he usually doesn’t understand why Theo does anything). Elvis and Trojan glance at each other and decide to revolt together by purposely flouting rules. Big G just flat out refuses to listen and throws a tantrum, as though he’s wailing, “I want Theo!!!!!!!!” 

Not sure what Boots is doing but honestly she probably just goes MIA for a week coz she has better things to do than ‘break in a new trainer’. Nolan's gonna be like, "WHERE'S THE DAMNED MONKEY?! THERE WERE 2 OF THOSE!!" “shit how do i tell Theo that i lost his precious monkey".

Elvis and Trojan would follow at first, but after a while they’d both think, “Dude this guy is so lame. Where's Theo.” Trojan even misses fighting with Theo. And then the two of them have a great idea: "😈 why don't we see what will happen if we don't follow his orders 😈" "😈 mess with him ����".

Red does miss Theo a bit, but he'd be nodding, thinking, "This break is kinda nice. No Boots, Nolan's quite OK...” Only Red thinks this is OK. Everyone else is throwing tantrums left and right, like, "WHERE'S OUR HOMIE THEO 😫😫😫"

One night, they all gather (actually only Elvis, Trojan, and Big G) and Elvis declares: “Let's go find Theo, I can't put with this anymore.” Everyone determinedly nods and next day the three of them are missing. It’s chaos.

Trojan and Elvis had hopes for Nolan coz he's Theo's bro and they thought he looked badass. But then they realize, “Why is he so lame. Where is the fun.” It’s because Theo randomly comes up with plans and plunges the whole team into it and everyone loves it (except Red).

-----

Nolan’s impression of Theo’s Pokemon:

Nolan has never not wanted to own Pokemon so much. He misses all his Pokemon. He even misses Boog.

How he sees Theo's mons if he has to look after them:

Boots = Like Princess to Theo, except not cute at all. Hideous color. Pretty sure she is a devil in a Pokemon costume. She keeps looking at him with a creepy grin. He feels really uncomfortable with her because she looks like she has a mind sharper than his own and that's not right.

Elvis = Another monkey. Looks disconcertingly a lot like Theo, how is that even possible? It even wears so much crap. It looks sleazy. Ugh, monkeys are creepy. "I guess it's true what they say; like trainer, like Pokemon." He sees that Elvis looks a little like Lee (idk how he figures...body-shape I think) and hopes he would be as easy to take care of. Nope.

Trojan = Ungulates are cool. But this one is so sharp and lean and mean. Looks like it can tear off any second and kick him and shock him. Nolan says he has "evil eyes" and has an atrocious colour he doesn't think is anywhere near natural. Even Theo has a problem with this beast. He misses Lazarus.

Big G = A literal pile of garbage. He stinks too much for Nolan to release out of his ball. Nolan thinks it's insanely offensive and he doesn't know how Theo handles it. Wishes he could dump it in the junkyard until Theo returns. He doesn't dare go close Big G. Plugs his nose despite probably offending and hurting Big G's feelings.

Red: Finally, a decent Pokemon.

Theo left Nolan a long list of instructions on how to care for each of his Pokemon (Nolan's like, "You must be joking if you think i'm going to read this."). His Pokemon has face masks routine like him. They need their beauty sleep and their beauty products.

-----

Theo's impression of Nolan's Pokemon:

Sabre = initial impression: "meh". After knowing him: Theo thinks he's a nasty cat. Always ready to spit fireballs like a punk.

Princess = literally, he can't believe he has to take care of this high maintenance diva who thinks she's the shit. He is the shit.

Lee = initial impression: he thinks Lee is slightly better looking than the rest of them. After: “why so boring”

Baz = initial impression: Theo thinks now is the time to find out if he has a brain underneath the brawn. After: “Nope.”

Boog = Before and after: Theo thinks he's a weirdo

Laz = Before: Theo thinks it looks dumb and he wonders if it has intelligence. After: he's angry with Laz whom he'd accuse of being out to get him.

His conclusion: Nolan's team is boring and they're out to get him, save him from this hell. He's disgusted with them like he would walk away shouting: “I'M WASHING MY HANDS OFF YOU LACKEYS!!” Shouts some more while walking away: “PLEBEIANS!!” He consoles himself that at least his Pokemon are like what Pokemon should be. Thank God. Otherwise he's gonna lose faith in Pokemon.

Nolan’s team are confused ("Why is HE upset? He's supposed to be responsible for US."). The gang kinda look on after him. And someone asks, "Should we go after him?" "I guess?" "Nolan will be upset if we lost him" "Sigh, come on, guys".

Theo's shouting stresses them out a lot. Meanwhile, Nolan's shouting invigorates them. Stirs their loyalty and battle blood. It’s because Theo's shouting is 'against’ them. Whereas Nolan's shouting is 'with’ them.

-----

Laz:

Also, Laz becomes ornery because he feels very, very uncomfortable. He wants to get AWAY from him, so he will charge. After a while of being pushed and shouted at and prodded, he can't take it anymore. He wants the comfort of his daily routine. He's super frustrated. 

Laz will decide he doesn't want to move and nothing can make him move. Because he is the heaviest. He keeps releasing himself from the ball. Theo storms off cursing and shouting. And then storms back because he knows how much Nolan loves his "stupid camel".  He keeps thinking like "WTF does my bro see in this stupid camel" coz he's struggling to deal with Laz. It’s surprising that Laz has all these preferences. He always seems so indifferent.

Nolan really does understand Laz. He is actually quite sensitive to his Pokemon and that's why they respond so well to him.

It’s surprising that Theo has difficulties with the most docile one. With Nolan, you can almost forget that Laz is there. 

----

Post-team-swapping:

Meanwhile, after spending time with Theo’s team, Nolan is convinced they are evil. "Your mons ain't right bro" "I tell ya, something's wrong with that one." (he gestures to Boots.) (Theo is so offended.) "I'm pretty sure that one tried to kill me" (gestures to Trojan).

After spending time with them, Theo confirms his original opinion, which is that Nolan's Pokemon are brutes with no "personality" and "sensitivity" (disdainful sniff). Don't know how to have fun. He thinks his own Pokemon have personalities and sensitivity and FEELING. He just calls them by how he remembers them: Sabre is the "demon cat", etc.

Nolan calls Theo’s team: monkey 1 (devil monkey), monkey 2 (pimp monkey), demon horse, garbage (without the accent), Red. Actually, he calls Red "you" since he’s the only one who responds anyway.

-----

Nolan caring for his Pokemon:

Nolan actually takes very good care of his Pokemon despite seeming so indifferent on the surface. He knows how to listen to his Pokemon and care for them. He sees them all as individuals and looks after them each uniquely according to their needs. Even Boog whom he says he dislikes, he looks after well and is sensitive to his wants and needs and can control him for the most part. He's attuned to body language and their moods. When Red was with Nolan, Nolan listened to him way more than Theo ever did.

Nolan buys illegal Seel jerky for Boog. He doesn't dare to send Boog out when there's prey Pokemon around. He's afraid he can't control Boog. Also, he brushes Boog's teeth.

-----

Red:

If it's just Red going over to Nolan's team, Red actually enjoys it quite a lot. He enjoys Nolan's energy and the chill pace of doing things. Nolan will want to see Red's most powerful moves. If Red uses the moves, Nolan is super impressed. Red actually feels quite bashful and shyly pleased by the positive attention. When Nolan gets Red, Lee, and Baz to perform together, Red actually feels like he belongs in a team...! Nobody criticizing him, he actually likes his teammates and they're kinda chill with him too... Meanwhile Nolan loves how aesthetic and powerful it looks. Red thinks this is perfect, if only Theo was here...

-----

Baz:

Baz is a bit softer than Lee. He's always a bit worried he will screw things up. Low-key trying his best. Also the one who will low-key be proud of himself. In contrast to Lee, Lee is relaxed but he likes to fight. He feels very refreshed post-fights, and thinks something like, "What a great sport.”