#never thought this was how id die.
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just remembered the pheonixperson fight [walking into the ocean]
#litearllye very single fucking thing about it.#what did they do to you….#i loved her.#then you were always a bad friend.#never thought this was how id die.#and other memorable quotes.#i rlly hope if (WHEN.) they bring bp back they address his time as pp#bc its rlly quite horrifying. ik they did to some extent w rickternal friendshine#but theres a lot of layers to it that u cld still go into. especially the fact that hes probably 90% artificial now.#andddddd w birddaughter. pleaseeeee#but oh my god. really so heartbreaking for rick to spend all that time mourning bp#i mean. not technically canon but in the comics he mentions it A BUNCH#and then he finds out hes alive. but as a zombie who barely recognises him. and then he nearly kills rick.#its crazy to think that pp was a One episode thing technically#like he was in the post credits of another ep and it took a while to fix him#but for us the audience he was only in action for. 10 mins?#if that#but ohh… how long was he working for the federation behind the scenes…. i dread to think#and his memories now…. he like blew up his fucking mind. im curious how much he actually remmebers of it#ohhhh bp … 💖 pleaseeee please come back to us
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NICO: WE SHARED THE LIFT THIS MORNING! I WAS GOING TO THE POOL TRAMPOLINE WITH MY TWO DAUGHTERS AND HE WAS GOING TO THE RACETRACK.
PINKHAM: VERY DIFFERENT LIVES YOU'RE CURRENTLY LEADING.
#that line from nico is like /the/ modern brocedes thesis to me#like this is their happy ending!!! it is not the one they dreamed of all those years ago in greece but is a happy ending.#it's not multiple shared championships or racing against each other for years or anything their 13 year-old-selves would've dreamed up but#it is them achieving their dreams. lewis has 7 wdcs and is aiming for an 8th. nico has a loving wife and 2 daughters he'd die for. they are#both doing the things they love. would it have been nice if those dreams included each other? yeah. would it have been nice that when ppl#mention their names it would be to talk about what great friends they are instead of how they tore each other apart? absolutely! but they#were doomed from the start. so maybe it doesn't matter that they didn't get their traditional 'happy ending'. at least they had a happy#start and a semi-happy middle. at least they have the lift to see each other. at least nico's daughters get to keep lewis in their lives in#a way nico will never get to again. they will never share a bowl of frosties again but at least their roots are so thoroughly tangled#together that they can never look back without haunting each other. at least they still have that.#anyway for all the non-americans who reblog or like this. the poem is 'the road not taken' by robert frost. very famous in america#every middle/high schooler has to analyze/read this poem at some point. i don't know how popular he is outside of america so i thought id#leave a note ig.#anyway. i am going crazy and i need to lie down. that 2nd line was sooo hard to find a photo for. wth does 'hence' even mean???#brocedes edit#brocedes#f1 web weaving#f1#nico rosberg#lewis hamilton#f1 edit#nr6#lh44#web weaving
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his default recall is so cool..........
#not me arts tag#ive never used his default skin so i didnt even know what it looked like until now....ough#i wish u could mix and match sounds or recalls with skins................#i honestly forget half the time hes supposed to be like. Cool and Suave and a Competent Badass#because my brain is always like. god hes so small and floppy and will die if you breathe on him wrong#also hes always crying and breathing heavily in my ear so im just like. poor guy#he should be at the bed taking a nap not fighting....... who made him fight.... stop that he doesnt belong on the battle field#he might be a badass hitman or smth but my brain is like#this is just a sad theatre kid who took gymnastics#''aphelios how is your assassin training going'' aphelios who has only been reading the acrobatics textbook: my what#is there anyone still reading these tags. hi there#i have a lot of thoughts on him. im very obsessed with his animations#like he has a laugh animation for every weapon.......#all the various weapon animations...#maybe the real reason we wont have a legendary for 10 more years is all the animating they have to do#i mean his base animations are so good id honest be like OK if they reused them#cant rly do much better than already Top Tier animations#unless we get an alune legendary.....#hope alune is super awesome and badass and all the aphelios voicelines are a really shy awkward guy or smth#like you look so cool and awesome fighting and the whole world doesnt know ur listening to a lil guy in your brain the whole game#the contrast would be very funny methinks#if anyones still reading this. yes i know riot made up some reason about budget or whatever for voices#but i choose to believe aphelios is head empty no thoughts and thats why he doesnt talk to alune#(STILL GOOFY OF A REASON... lots of VAs can do both genders of voices.... like. what about kindred and kayn....)#then again wouldnt be surprised if they were overbudget on the animations but still smh my head into oblivion#can relate to a guy who simply doesnt wanna talk#(said after 10000 tags of talking to myself)#i should really put my thoughts onto a separate post or blog or something#anyways have i mentioned i think hes really cute
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still not over how modern db is trying so hard to gaslight people into thinking goku’s a meatheaded idiot who’s never considered mental training an important aspect of martial arts
#snap chats#i might not fucks with db as heavily anymore but ill die a goku defender#he's my best friend even if this franchise hates him#LITERALLY DAY ONE WITH THE TURTLE SCHOOL MASTER ROSHI TAUGHT HIM EDUCATION WAS IMPORTANT#AND EVEN BEYOND THAT WHAT WAS ALL THAT TIME WITH KAMI AND POPO FOR THEN#does goku not also remind gohan that he cant overwork his body when theyre in the hyperbolic time chamber or am i gaslighting myself#idk point is goku's not a braindead idiot i cant believe thats a hot take#he can be a bit dense and socially unaware but he's not stupid when it comes to fighting i hate it here#never thought id see character assassination happening live but wow...#anyways i was reminded of this cause people were talking about the superhero movie again#and i think its amazing how the movie wasnt even about goku and featured him for maybe about fifteen minutes#and they still managed to sneak in goku slander thats amazin honestly
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My 3 little cousins were baptized today. "Triggered" is kind of a strong word but being in a catholic church again... I'm a little fragile rn ngl.
#butch speaks#it was hard not to shake as i held J over the basin to have the water poured on his head#when he was cleansed of sin. as if a little kid could ever knowly or intentionally offend a so-called loving god#the words came naturally to me#but they meant nothing#i remember when they used to mean something. when i begged gods forgiveness for my sin (being a lesbian) and tried to pray the gay away#i remember how much i wanted to die bc i could never truly embrace the sacred#i STILL deal with the complex of catholic guilt. its a very real thing. its hard to shake#i cant help but wonder if the catholicism ingrained in my brain is why i have a hard time with casual dating n sex#fun fact: there was a point when i was a teen that i got REALLY catholic#i prayed everyday. i talked to my patrin saint (st agnes) every day. i wantsd to become a nun#the thought of marrying a man mad me more sad than feeling like an alien did. so id marry the church as a nun.#not the way to hide being a dyke when ur fam is catholic btw LMAO#the first priest i knew was father joe. i loved that guy. he was so kind. friendly. briming with love.#he was one of my biggest references for what a good person was like#he talked about gods love a lot. how its for everyone. no one is exluded. ever.#he used to look right at me when he said stuff like that. a few other kids too. all of whom grew up to be queer#then father joe passed away. our church merged with another church. father jeff was the priest there.#he was kind but not as kind. he talked about hell and sin more. he looked at the same kids father joe did.#but the kindness in his eyes wasnt there.#that wasnt for us.#my family wasnt even THAT catholic#i went to church every sunday i did vacation bible school and catechism classes and youth group#i was an altar servant and in the choir#i even used to speak/understand a little latin#imagine how much worse id have been if my mom could have afforded catholic school lmao#grateful to have grown up poor in that regard#hm. actually... reading my own tags. mayne we were pretty catholic actually.#fucking hell.#i need to have lesbian sex in a church before god and everyone. mayeb that would fix me.
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I love how conversations spiral with my mother e.g.
Telling my mum I'm going to a concert for my birthday prompting her to mention the concert she's got coming up that she's apprehensive for -> the conversation ending with my mother telling me I would have starved to death in the past because she believes my picky eating tendencies would out weigh my survival instincts
Because that's exactly how I think too
#+Extra#this was after wed had a conversation in the morning about her bemoaning teenagers saying i wouldve ended up in a convent in victorian times#so either i die because the texture of a lot of foods makes me nauseous or i end up in a convent according to my mother#she never even finished telling me how soon her concert is she never finishes a thought before getting distracted by a newer one#and thats how my brain works too so i get it even when half the conversation is just 'urgh i forgot the word'#'i cant think of the word either but i know what you mean' people at my last uni used to hate that id be like ya know what i mean#and theyd be like no. spell it out for us and id be like no you gotta guess. part of the conversation is just understanding the vibes#anyway what ever brain wires i have tangled she does too
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okay benzos acquired n ive spoken to first one now n she doesnt hate me or blame me but i saw it say lake charles in caller id n i knew it was her n not spam call i just knew but she still loves me n said she cant hate me ever n i am still stuck with her since like bitch 2017 we fucking saw peep n $b n ghostemane n a few others with those together like ur stuck with me but she said back to me im stuck with her too n 🥰🥰🥰 plus she said would have done the same if id done that too and sent that message n then answered the phone like that n shes gonna try to call again b4 she gets out n see me next week n other one im less worried bc i didnt put her in there plus 🥰💖 👀
#like bitch weve said before wr both take ride or die how we do n only issued weve ever had were caused by me letting a virgo girl ruin my#life a little n then last yr we talked out finally n why its felt dif to me#dumb lil quote i remembered us talkin about before n god ur me n im u yk u see me to my core n get it n ur even closer to me than b like#secrets bond us its in our dna 👼#i think we manifested each other js like i never thought about angel id find someone who got me this much but you get n see me even more#n the newer me since then too#sorry all emotional i just was so worried over both it was making me feel sick n rn i can logic theyre both safe#batbaby rambles
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mr neils father pls compliment your son tell him he was amazing pls he was so good
#pls dont pull him out of school mr neils father pls im gonna throw up#MR PERRY WHAT DO U MEAN MAKE IT WORSE THAN IT IS#HE PULLED THE WINDOW UP HE COULDNT EVEN LET HIM SAY BYE TO HIS FRIENDS???#spooky liveblogs (kind of)#is that mrs perry mrs perry pls your son was happy on stage mr perry pls#he never asked his dad i knew it but id dirnt wanna believe it#AND BES WITHDRAWING HIM FROM SFHOKL I KNEW JT I DIDJT WANNA BELIEVE IT#MILITARY SCHOOL???? WHAT???#hes not gonna tell him its gonna go to shit im sick to my motherfreaking stomach poor neil#and he dies hes not dead yet but hes gonna die miserable#he was really good neil you were really good whole time i thought by some miracle mr perry liked the play#its not gonna be all alright bro#im shaking hes gonna kill himself i can feel it. i thought his death was a freak accident hes gonna end it#this is how it feels genuinely bro he killed himself with his fathers gun theres somethn poetic ab it#hes not alright your husband pushed him bro#thats todds roomate the dps leader oh my god bro i cant take it#i knew it was going to shit i didnt wanna believe it. the whole scene with the crown ans evrythint was beautiful#it was his father poor todd bro they were bffs he wouldnt have done it if his father wasnt like that#his father trapped him he freed himself with his father's weapon
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Another day another time my brother yells at me at the top of his lungs about how i’m a selfish bitch who only cares about themself.
#complaining about how sometimes i call him an asshole under my breath#yeah i wonder why id fucking do that#says i never let anything go but thought i deserved to die over calling him a dick once#when he started yelling at me when i was driving inheavy traffic cause accodirng to him#i was lying about beingdistraxted by his fidgeting#about me#negative tw#somehow i dont see i calling someone a jerk under your breath and themheading#isnt quite the equivalent of them calling you the problem with the family#and saying youve been a selfish monster for twenty years#im 30 btw
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.
#Laughing at the fact that I’m going to be writing my dad a thoughtful little Father’s Day card#that is just filled with straight up lies.#what id rather say is this#thank you for making me aware of just how fucked up you are#thank you for spending the majority of my life convincing me my mom was the problem#thank you for never showing me what an actual loving and caring marriage looks like#thank you for making me feel like I have to always apologize but then telling me to stop apologizing#thank you for never coming to any of my soccer games but then pushing for the fact that you always had to work.#you actually didn’t you just didn’t care.#thank you for being a dick to my brother and making him feel like he had to go to extremes to be a man#thank you for calling me fat after I just had a baby.#thank you for causing conflict in my life during a sensitive time in my life where I’m trying to step into a role of motherhood#while also being a wife and daughter and trying to find myself again#thank you for always getting your feelings hurt but never wondering how you hurt mine.#thank you for never holding yourself accountable for your behavior and your actions#thank you for constantly guilting me by implying that you’ll die some day and I’ll feel bad#thank you for saying that I wouldn’t have any of the nice things in my life if it weren’t for my husband#my husband told me that’s just not true that I’m a good person who deserves good things regardless of if I’m with him or not.#thank you for cursing me by saying one day I’ll see how it feels to be you and how my son will treat me just like I treat you#he won’t.#because I’ll do better by him than you ever did for me.#anyways#happy Father’s Day#plz disregard this#I’m feeling things and need a space to put them
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seeing the mario movie in like an hour letsa gooooooo
#id in alt text#i can Finally stop dodging spoilers now holy shit#i may not show it but i am a mario bros stan till i die#and i apologize in advance for the person i will become if the movie is good. its gonna do Something to my brain chemistry i just know it#like ok the sonic movie right? ive mentioned how i really liked those movies before right? well#going into it i a)had little attachment to sonic aside from just thinking hes neat and b)wouldnt have been shocked if it was bad#so when it was Good i was pleasantly surprised and found a new appreciation for the series#but mario?hes my good friend. my special little guy. the short king to rule them all. you dont know How Many hours ive put into mario games#and theres already been One bad mario movie. and this ones being made by illumination. and the whole crisp rat thing(still kinda salty btw)#idk man my guy needs a w here. he needs somethin good goin for him in the film department#and while ive been dodging spoilers what ive seen so far has been fairly positive??? but that doesnt mean i cant be worried abt it#yallre lucky im not constantly blogging my every thought here or else youd never hear the end of the same 3 thoughts about mario and luigi#smb#super mario#mario movie#capital says things#my edits
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:^(
#feelin like a big lonely loser tonight teehe ^__^#thought maybe i had plans but then not n everyone else i asked didnt answer or had plans w other ppl too#n i had suggested a plans with stef but she never rlly confirmed or denied but i figured not plus im kinda sick now too but#also called her just to be like hi n i miss u bc idk im SICK n i hate being sick n the way she sounded was weird AaagghGGHHHHH#n im just now realizing maybe she also ended up doing plans w other ppl#just feels like nobody likes me i GUESS which is dramatic but . aagggghhghgh#to be fair a bit of a 180 from i love u so much lemme say it 50 times last night to i call her n say ilu n shes like uhh ok haha#anD I FEEL LIKE EVERYONES GIVING ME RLLY SHORT ANSWERS N LIKE#but i dont know if i have the energy to give a lot of. energy. ?? to expect it back? but its like#an endless cycle of feel bad so less energy or want to bug less so then deserve less in return anyway so feel worse#its kinda feeling like isolation time which i havent done in a hot minute but i tried so hard to get out of it but like . for what yknow#i got to talk to some ppl some more n meet some ppl but at the end of the day i still feel alone n alien teehee#but maybe im just bejng dramatic bc sick. and rsd with the Tones and ppl having Plans With Others#like its perfectly reasonable to have forgotten or just idk had better options or maybe bc i didnt say anything sooner buT . IDK. 😔🥺#im sick n i hate being sick n i want someone to take care of me ugh#instead i just kinda sat here. played some OW. got mad at OW. ordered pizza to engage in basically food self harm LOL n watched some#of a show ive been meanjng to watch. jts neat so far. but yeah now i just feel like shit i guess#idk how to like. not be insane. or like. ask ppl for like. idk. reassurance or smthn or. share feelings. without feeling like i am.... bad#for doing so or itll end poorly or its excess or burdensome or unreasonable. bc it kkinda is unreasonable but idk not entirely ig yknow#and i really need to shower but i especially dont want to now that i ate food bc id rather die than look at myself naked but yea#YEAH. IDK. i feel. like shit. and garbage. and i can almost see this as being the turning point to me sabotaging my ownnpotential future#whatever ive been slowly building that i just. end up giving up now.#god i wanna call stef or pidge or someone n... ig not even talk abt this bc i dont wanna be a bother but. just hear ppl. u_u#feel like i am wanted in the world slepflsjhggbjwjr#It's My Blog I'll Use It As A Diary / Thought Organizing Thing If I Want To !!!!
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dustfinger: I love all of my children equally, brianna, farid, and [looks at smudged writing on hands] john
#tcor spoilers#HATE that there was no actual resolution this#i understand fully that it can be difficult when your partner's child (who is not also yours) looks like their other parent#feelings are hard to change! sure!#but: roxane is friends with her husband's affair partner. atp he has no right to show any hurt over her remarrying#and that includes taking it out on jehan#he doesnt say himself that theres any resentment (which is odd bc he loves telling us all his shitty thiughts usually; too stressed out#for self reflection right this second?)#but nyame talks about how obvious and infuriating it is#not to say jehan's making it up (i would never never never doubt my babiest boy) but it's bad enough that people outside the family see it#('outside the family' it's his uncle but outside the home ig)#where was i going with this#having a was-hoping-id-find-the-end-of-this-thought-when-i-came-to-it moment#oh right the lack of self reflection made me wonder if dustfinger knew he was acting like this at all#and i was PRAYING for nyame to chew him out over it#there were so many good spots for that conversation too#when df was practically dead for the third time and jehan stayed with him to make sure he didnt actually die#i expected 'i dreamed about you burning alive every night for ten years' levels of dustfinger being yelled at from jehan#and we literally?? didnt get a single chapter from either of their povs at that time?? what the actual fuck man#okay not to be like 'i could write this better' but a way more satisfying conclusion to everything that started#with nyame saying the two of them are so similar#would have been [jehan rightly makes dustfinger feel bad about continuing to be a terrible father] -> [jehan storms off to orpheus' to#'offer' dustfinger in exchange for the book but the adults dont know where he went] -> [nyame comes back and also yells at df#for letting his kid run off and drive home that he really is failing jehan and points out to him their similarities] ->#[df goes oh shit i also tried trading innocent people for a book] ->#[whatever. resolution]#do u see what i mean#his ~apology~ to meggie in book 2 is so good while being in character#and he cant apologize to his stepson? he barely fking knew meggie lmao#says kenna
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going through answered asks from when i was 18 wanting to hold myself so tightly
#i’ve never cared for the whole i wish i could see my younger self thing#because from where i was standing it was always still bad so thought why would i want to see them now#things are going to become very hard again very soon but last year was the best year of my entire life#i did something terrifying and then i claimed my life as my own#and a year later i have a car! and im driving! you can’t understand how impossible of a thought this was to me before#i live on my own and i’ve decorated my body and my bedroom and i can buy things i never thought id be able to own#i miss connecting with others my dash is a total wasteland now but i just#seriously cannot believe where i am right now. even though some things are still so screwed up and more screwed things are on the way#and i’m terrified of course. january is the perfect month to feel like ending it all. too much unknown#but still 2023 felt like magic i didn’t deserve and yet i basked in it#i’m not incredibly successful i’m not very interesting but im still so proud of myself somehow. even though i hate myself#it’s not as much as i used to. i appreciate myself more now and i can see how i needed me to get here. and im grateful for me#and for everything i have. i’m just speechless i can’t believe the life i currently have#i’m waiting to enter the era of travelling and intimate get together those areas are still slow coming#but if i could do this i can only hope and hope and squeeze my eyes tight to make them appear someday#i miss so many things but i don’t miss the old me. she sucked but she also cared and she’s still here in fragments#it’s strange to write this way i’ve never felt this sort of compassion before i was so so deeply depressed#it was inescapable and for good reason i don’t know how i made it through anything i’ve endured#i have to thank myself for always being too scared to die
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self isolation as a form of self preservation is going to end up killing me someday
#im already a fucking adult if i dont do something about this shit im gonna be lonely as hell#i just wish i had made friends at college like everyone else#instead of the poor choices of friends i made when i got in for the wrong ideas i had about the type of person i wanted to be#i simply ended up with no friends at the worst place to make friends#imagine me having 8 different classes each semester. each class had about 60 different students#each subject had at least 4 different teachers teaching that so you could choose when and who to take that class with#850 new students each year it was rare to end up on the same class as someone twice#unless you were already friends before and decide to take the classes together#most of my classes didnt have group projects either. no dynamic stuff just reading and reading and reading#it. was. HELL#i actually had like 3 people i could call my friends there but our classes never matched#and im not an easily approachable person i wanted to DIE when i made a friend there that told me she was scared to talk to me before#how many possible friendships i lose all the time for seeming unnaproachable?? for my fucking face bro i cant do shit about it#today my best friend from work also told me that when she first met me she thought i was cold and arrogant#but that i also seemed cool so she was like ok lets give her a chance#i keep fucking hearing it all the fucking time i have MANY friendships that started just like this. people judging me at first#this is so sad and lonely to me i dont wanna be this person#one time a friend also said something like im glad im already your friend id be scared of you if i didnt know you#like????? scared of WHAT. i never treat people badly. i dont fight i dont do gossip i dont do anything to hurt anyone#im always trying to get people together and have fun i always talk to everyone im always nice to everyone#im always trying#so why the hell people still think im unnaproachable#i dont get it i've been hearing this from FRIENDS my whole life. not from people who dont like me its people who LIKE me that say this#what the hell am i doing wrong besides being born with my fucking face#and then. above all. to make it all worse. i self isolate bc im scared of rejection. man i fucking hate being me#i really dont wanna be lonely
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Saw a comment in the notes of a post that was like "no one WANTS to be a janitor and get up at 4am to clean floors. High school kids dont actually LIKE their burger flipping jobs" ect and like idk man I DID want to be a custodian! I really did! I wanted to but I dont have the body for it and I knew it would wreck me
And idk I think fast food jobs CAN be fun and I know there are people who do enjoy it
I myself enjoy what I do in retail, as long as the managers keep off my ass and leave me alone I genuinely do enjoy what I do!
I'm sorry you hate your job and that you find these jobs demeaning or whatever but I genuinely would love to pick up trash with a stick for a living. I would gladly be the traffic sign holder for construction crews. I DO get up at 3am for work and I prefer that over any other schedule bc I like the quiet!
I mean I understand that we under the current system cant do jobs we genuinely would enjoy bc they dont pay enough but you don't have to put down "low level" jobs to make that point
#marquilla#like im sorry you hate your job and i wish you didnt and that you could work a job you enjoy/never HAVE to work but like speak for yourself#lmao like i will happily fold clothes all day#i was actually thinking this morning how i think it would be fun to work in the bakery section (cant bc allergies id die) but that im#enjoying clothing TOO MUCH to want to switch depts#i also wanted to be a landscaper but again body and allergies nerfed that :(#also wanted to be a hotel receptionist bc i thought that seemed fun (me fun) but the manager was a dick and none of them wore masks so i#think i made the right call sgdgdgdggd i think certain food prep jobs would be fun like i wanna be the guy who makes cotton candy and shit#at carnivals and amusement parks or the guy who makes candy/caramel apples#i also seriously thought ab being a clown sgdgdggdgd or working in a circus in general but i hate traveling sgdgdggdgdd so yknow
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