#next time i'll post gay bitches

[greenko]

It took too long to decide to post this because my dumb brain is...well, just dumb..AND MY “MANAGER” SUCKS-

[meangirls-imagines]

Can I have a Janis 'Imi'ike x femme reader imagine where they’re friends and reader finds Janis’ sketchbook which is full of sketches of reader?

Life Imitates Art

WARNINGS: none, just fluff. janis being a gay mess.

Janis Imi'ike and Y/N Y/L/N have been best friends since they were in diapers.

Their parents were best friends in college and stuck together for years. So it was like they were destined to be together.

Y/N was there for Janis through everything, but they got even closer after the Regina incident. Janis had gone to Y/N's house crying after what happened and the two, along with Damian, spent the rest of that night watching the girl's favorite movies.

Janis fell in love with Y/N that night.

Years and years of denying their feelings brings them to senior year, aka "post-bitchy regina".

Everyone was friends so it was a lot easier to go through their last year together. Instantly, (without Janis and Y/N's knowledge), everyone decided that senior year was going to be "Project Get Y/N and Janis Together".

Regina, Janis, and Y/N all had homeroom together and Regina began texting in the group chat.

(Former) Queen Bitch👑: guys. they are staring at each other. the tension is suffocating.

Detective Gretchen🕵️‍♀️: OMG! That is ADORABLE!

Sexy Maus🐭: thats so qute

Nerd: awwww. guys, maybe we don't need a plan. let's let them work through it.

Beyonce: uh. have you met janis? that girl doesn't know how to act around y/n. we need to intervene. and there's only one way.

(Former) Queen Bitch👑: damian. no. not that.

Nerd: what is going on?

Beyonce: this is classified information. no one can tell janis or y/n this. karen? got it?

Sexy Maus🐭: what?

Detective Gretchen🕵️‍♀️: I got it. Now what is it?

Beyonce: Janis's sketchbook. It's got tons of beautiful drawings of Y/N in it. Regina and I stumbled upon it accidentally a couple of weeks ago.

Detective Gretchen🕵️‍♀️: OMG!!

Nerd: THAT'S SO CUTE!

Beyonce: I think it's time we subtly show Y/N the book.

That weekend, the group all met up at Janis's house for their weekly sleepover. Damian decided to put his plan into motion. Whenever Janis was distracted, he snuck upstairs and put her sketchbook in plain sight, then he snuck back downstairs.

Then he put it into motion.

"Hey, Y/N. I was wondering if I could have some ibuprofen? I have a headache and I know you always have some." The girl smiled and nodded, standing from her place next to Janis and heading upstairs.

Janis watched the girl go and turned back to see everyone smirking at her. "What?" Damian giggled. "Girl, keep it in your pants." Janis blushed. "What are you talking about?" Gretchen squealed. "You totally have a crush on Y/N! It's so cute!"

Janis blushed harder. "I do not have a crush on her! She's my best friend." Karen smiled. "Your best friend that you wanna kiss. Which is really cool because Gretchen is my best friend that I wanna kiss."

Everyone paused and looked at Gretchen, who was blushing harder than Janis. Regina broke the silence. "Okay, we'll come back to this. But Janis, they're right. You and Y/N have feelings for each other and I think it's time that you tell her. It's our senior year. We don't know what the future holds, we just don't want you to regret not telling her."

Janis took the blonde's words to heart and nodded. "Okay, I'll tell her." She got up and with the cheering from her friends, she went upstairs to talk to Y/N.

"Y/N, I need to tell you something."

Janis froze in her tracks. Y/N was looking at her sketchbook. Specifially, a portrait that she drew of Y/N. Janis stuttered over her words. "Y/N, I can explain."

"This is beautiful, Janis. Is this how you see me?" Janis swallowed hard and nodded, walking closer to Y/N.

"It's how I've always seen you." Y/N's breath hitched as Janis continued.

"Y/N. I love you. I've loved you since you comforted me after the incident with Regina. Maybe even longer. And I really wanna be with you. Those pictures I've drawn don't even compare to your actual beauty. Every time I look at you, the rest of the world melts away. And if you give me the chance, I really wanna be with you."

Janis couldn't say anything else because Y/N kissed her.

Y/N was kissing her.

Y/N WAS KISSING HER?

The girl's lips were a lot softer than Janis imagined. It was everything she imagined actually, and more. The two kissed for a minute before cheering made them break away from each other.

They looked to see their friends standing in the hallway, all smiling widely.

Y/N tucked her face into Janis's neck, hiding her blush. Damian spoke. "So?"

Janis smirked back at him. "My girlfriend and I will meet you guys downstairs."

[dropthedemiurge]

Love for Love's Sake | Things You Didn't Notice #4 | Fight with Homophobes

Honestly, I wanted to dissect these scenes right away but then we got the rest of the show uploaded and the emotions overshadowed me. But now we're diving into informal Korean speech, swearing and slurs! It's going to be a fun post, let's go :D

Disclaimer: I'll be writing down both English and Korean slurs strictly in educational manner, obviously.

"Fuck. You two are always so fucking close together. (to Myungha) Are you also a faggot (homosekki)? Wow, Kyunghyun's skills are so good." "Why are you so vulgar? What's wrong with being homo?" "You're really crazy. Are you criticizing me?" ... (Myungha kisses Tak Junho) " Ah fu— You damn faggot!" "We both kissed. I'm not the only one who's homo. You're homo too~" "You did it yourself, you faggot!" "Ah, our Junho keeps saying 'homo'. Tss, slurs are forbidden." "Shut up, you faggot." "If you call me homo one more time, I can steal your lips for real. (Junho is silent) Ha, afraid you'll be robbed?"

Honestly, I like the translation in subs this time, I just wanted to give you a more technical version (and to show you the difference, because in Gaga subs the f slur is also used by Myungha but it's not exactly that)

So, as far as I noticed, the slur in Korean is a derivative from the term "homosexual" - thanks to the similar sounding, it became "homosekki" (from sekki - asshole, bastard, bitch etc). This is the word Junho keeps using in almost every sentence. And the socially accepted common term is now "gay" (at least, the cast and couple from Korean reality dating show "His Man 2" refers to themselves as 'gay' and not 'homo').

Myungha uses the original term, just "homo", which also gained a negative connotation but doesn't include a 'sekki' swearword. So he keeps saying "homo" to talk back in the language Junho used, only less derogatory. We'll see later but it's amazing, because both Myungha and Sangwon confidently used this word about themselves (Sangwon even went further and proudly reclaimed the slur itself).

Still, Myungha did threaten gangster Junho not to even call him "homo" or any similar terms. And here's the moment which made me laugh: in the next scene with Sangwon, Junho was angry ranting about Myungha, but he caught himself using the slur "homosekki" and quickly changed to the modern and neutral term "gay". LOL

Which is what Gaga subs failed to show it to us. Again, let's see more technical translation:

"I'll go after Tae Myungha and Ahn Kyunghoon soon, just so you know. Those fa– Those gay bastards must die. That fucker Tae Myungha kissed me in the lips, shit. Isn't it fucked up? It was disgusting." (Sangwon, pouting) "Wow, really? It must've been nice." "Jeez, you asshole. You're not a victim so you dare talking shit." "I'm being serious, though?" (Junho, appalled) "What the hell are you talking about? You're not a faggot." "I am a faggot, though?"

One, why is it so funny that the first reaction Sangwon had, hearing about Myungha kissing someone in a fight, was: awww :( i wish it was me :((( you so lucky :((

Second, it's hilarious how the gangster ends up the ONLY person who ever uses nice and modern term "gay" once in this show because our protagonists both hit him back with the derogatory terms (Sangwon even attached the slur to himself, when he only liked girls before falling in love with Myungha at first sight, what a legend).

Let's wrap it up with slurs and check out another small detail: informal speech in Korean.

(Sangwon to Myungha)"Why would we fight here?" (Yeowoon to Sangwon)"Hey, watch your tone (don't use informal speech)" "Was I talking like that with you?" "Talk curt (informally) only with me." "I'm already being curt (talking informally) with you."

This one is definitely a cultural thing that always gets lost in translation (but "being curt" is a nice way of putting it). There are two general styles of speech in Korean: Formal (존댓말, jondemal) and Informal (반말, banmal). Of course, it's a lot more complicated in the language, but I'll paint briefly the differences that are pointed out in the scene.

I talked in previous posts about properly addressing your senior in korean (usually by title/position). To convey respect to your senior, you also use 요 (yo) at the end of the sentences – and both Sangwon and Yeowoon talk politely to Myungha. UNTIL Sangwon uses the rude version of a question, without polite ending ("Why would we fight here?"), to which Yeowoon protests and tells Sangwon that it's banmal, informal speech, and he should only use it with him.

Because with your friends, same age people (Yeowoon and Sangwon in this case) or people younger than you, it's normal to use their names with different intonations (Think Myungha's "Yeowoon-ah, Yeowoon-ie") and talk informally.

(Yeowoon to Myungha) "I asked who it was." "You're being curt (that's an informal speech)".

Fast forward – Yeowoon loses patience and demands Myungha "I asked who it was", question without polite ending as well. To which Myungha cheekily says "that was an informal speech", reminding Yeowoon of his own remark to Sangwon.

Fast forward again – and now I have to take back my previous statement from another post that Yeowoon never called Myungha by his name because I found the rare case of him doing it xD

"Tae Myungha is so frustrating." "You're speaking informally more often these days."

Again, a youngster! calling his senior! by his own name! Not using the polite ending! The horrors of informal speech. He's not being too rude but he's sulking therefore he's rebelling. Though I can swear, again, Yeowoon hears Myungha's scolding and resorts back to speaking politely, and from now on, he'll keep using 'senior'.

If you survived until the end of this post, congratulations! The second half probably wasn't needed but in case you're learning Korean or you want to know why these seemingly normal phrases are being considered "curt" out of nowhere, I hope you understand it now a little bit better :)

// Previous messages translation + other language moments here //

[saikoucorps]

JECKOLE <3

☆ pairings : nicole x jecka (emicole mentioned)

☆ category : angst / almost no comfort

ꪆ୧ summary : nicole realizes how jealous jecka gets over emily, and she may or may not have mutual feelings for her. (part two(?) of the previous post, read part one. This is told in Nicole's pov.. so not really a part two.)

:ఌ¨ ♱ warning(s): nicole is oblivious and very gay (may be OOC I'm not used to writing for Nicole ( ´△｀) )

☆ Another lecture. Nicole was stuck listening to Jecka complain about how she has a new friend. She didn't understand why she was so worried about this. It's not like they were dating, or whatever couples argue about.

"God Nicole, you can't be serious right now."

No, she can't be serious. This is all fucking ridiculous.

"Dude why the fuck does it matter? You're not my only friend."

Nicole wanted to leave. She wanted to walk away from this conversation like she does with every other one of her problems. This wasn't worth her time— why the fuck is she so bothered?

"That's not the fucking issue here. She's crazy, Nicole. She's a bad influence."

Literally anyone could be crazy if you looked hard enough, almost all women are. Plus, Nicole was worse. Did she really just say she's a bad influence, has she met Nicole?

"Bad influence— what the fuck are you my mother? I'll hang out with whoever I want. You sound like a insecure boyfriend right now."

Jecka went silent. Maybe she was thinking about how gay she sounds. This shouldn't be a conversation in the first place.

"Whatever Nicole. You're either gonna end up dead or in fucking jail because of her."

"I'm gonna end up dead either way, not my problem."

The rest was a blur, Nicole had walked away. Something she probably should've done earlier. Why did she let that drag for so long?

It didn't matter anyways. She was being a bitch for no reason. Emily wasn't even that bad. She was crazy, yes. But it's what made her cooler. And she was hot as hell, hotter than her! What isn't there to like about Emily? Maybe Jecka is just mad she's better. Well, kind of. She wasn't going to place bets.

"Yo Nicole! Over here!" Emily was across the cafeteria, waiting for her. Due to remedial classes, they have lunch way later than everyone else. That doesn't stop them though, they still skip for regular lunch. It's unfortunately how Nicole ended up in that lame argument.

They continued to hang out over the next few days, getting into all kinds of trouble. It was fun, Emily was fucking awesome to be around. Nicole rarely saw Jecka around. She didn't really care or realize it. But, she did know she had cigarettes on her.

"Hey, so, you got any cigarettes right now?"

"No. But I know someone who does. I'll be right back."

They were at lunch again, Emily needed to smoke apparently. Nicole knew Jecka always had cigarettes on her.

"Yo dude, do you have any cigarettes on you?"

Jecka just stared at Nicole with this look. Nicole couldn't really describe it. She looked mad, shocked, and disappointed all at once. Nicole didn't realize that though.

"Are you fucking serious Nicole."

Nicole didn't have time for this right now, knowing Emily she probably gets inpatient really fast.

"What? Seriously I'm in a hurry—"

"No Nicole, I don't. Maybe you should fucking ask Emily."

"I'm asking for her dipshit."

"Whatever. We're done Nicole, don't fucking talk to me."

"Is this over the cigarette? Dude it was just a question—"

Great. Jecka walked off. Whatever, she'll just have to tell Emily there's no cigarette. Wait, did she seriously just end their friendship? Over what, a cigarette? A question? What the hell?

"Sorry man. No cigarette."

"Great. Just fucking great. I'll have to suck off one of the teachers here for one, or the guys. Shit, Nicole maybe one of them can get me one for free? I'm hot enough, yeah?"

"Yeah dude, totally."

Nicole was pretty quiet the rest of the day. She tried to think of every reason possible, what the hell is she so worried for? And why does Nicole care so much?

This shouldn't bug her. She'll just switch schools anyways so what's the issue? Jecka is just.. another person she meets.

So why did it hurt so much?

There wasn't any communication from them for a while. Neither of them had the guts to say anything. Nicole didn't realize shit until she heard Ari in the bathroom. She was talking about a crush she had on one of the girls here, and how everything she did mattered to Ari. Like she wanted to make her happy, or something. It hit Nicole, is that what Jecka felt like? Did Jecka like her? No, did Nicole like her? Nicole didn't care, yet she realized what was wrong.

Nicole didn't care, yet she was willing to apologize.

Nicole liked Jecka, and Jecka supposedly felt the same. Well, she thinks anyways. She just knows she has to apologize. She didn't care, but for Jecka, she did.

So Nicole opened her phone, just to text her.

"hey"

"sorry"

[whomadewaffles]

Pjhazel incorrect qoutes Part 2!

this one feels more pj-centric so...sorry to the haters, but I think she's amazing so.

As last time, long post under the cut, sorry for not citing the sources, bad language and raunchy humour abound ect ect.. enjoy!

--------

Hazel: Pspspsps

Pj *walking over to her*: What are you doing idiot, trying to call a cat?

Hazel *frantically taking notes*: Holy shit it worked

*note: to me, Hazel is dog coded, and pj is very cat coded*

-------

*Hazel has a date with a girl at school, and pj is having a normal one about it*

Josie *gasps*:...You're JEALOUS!

Pj *clearly jealous*: I am NOT jealous. And I'll tell you why I'm jealous - Because I'm not jealous!

josie: You're not making any sense.

Pj:  - Oh and all of a sudden you're the President of Things that Make Sense?!

-------

Pj *talking to Mr .G with the club about the next meeting or something*

Pj: Cool, thanks, dad

*everyone staring at her*

Pj: Why is everyone staring at me?

Isabel: You just called Mr .G “dad”.

Pj: *scoffs* No, I didn’t, I said thanks, man.

Mr G: Do you see me as a father figure, girl?

Pj: No! If anything, I see you as a bother figure cause you’re always bothering me.

Josie *not one to miss out on messing with her best friend a little*: Hey! Show your father some respect.

Pj: I didn’t call him dad!

-------

Hazel *carves "pj + Hazel" into a tree*

Pj: What a nerd.

Pj *adds "4ever"*

_______

Hazel: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

Pj: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out in bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

--------

*Hiking*

Hazel: Mother nature is beautiful

Pj *panting trying to catch her breath*: MOTHER NATURE IS A WHORE!!!!

-------

Pj: relax, Principle meyers won’t be able to trace this back to us.

Josie: Are you for real? He traces everything back to us! He traces things we haven’t even done back to us!

-------

Pj: You're wearing make-up.

Hazel: Oh, it's just eyeliner. Do you like it?

Pj: ... Looks okay... I guess.

*later*

Pj *freaking out to josie later*: she looked so good.

Josie: I know.

Pj: I'm so gay.

Josie: I know...

---------

Pj: Being horny 24/7 and a virgin is not for the weak.

------

Hazel: Do you even have a self-care routine?

Pj: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents.

--------

Pj : Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality.

Pj: I'm a gorgeous hot mess.

--------

Hazel: Sometimes I worry I'm being awkward, but then I remember it's half my charm, so I redouble my efforts immediately.

--------

Hazel: Things look a little tense.

Pj: Don't worry, I'm gonna open with a joke.

Hazel: Please don't.

-------

Pj: But now they come for my girl?

Pj: My sweet, defenseless hazel?

Hazel: ...

Hazel: …I know how to make bombs.. I have 16 taekwondo medals, and I'm the best fighter in the club?! I killed someone with a football helmet?!

------

Pj: Good news! I didn’t screw up!

Hazel: …

Pj: I screwed up less badly than usual!

Hazel: …

Pj: Screwed up with less immediate consequences than usual

---------

Pj: *drunk and hitting HEAVILY on Hazel*

Hazel *blushing*: Usually, I would love to take you up on the offer, pj, but you're too drunk to consent...

Stella-Rebecca: Aww, that's sweet, Hazel. I'm sure pj appreciates that you don't want to take advantage of her.

Pj: THE HELL I DO!

---------

*pj driving with hazel in the passenger seat*

Pj: I'd be really lost without you, Hazel.

Hazel: Pj! That's so sweet, I'd be lost without you aswell.

Pj: No, no, literally, where the fuck are we.

--------

Pj: Would you still love me?

Hazel: ...If what?

Pj: *voice cracking* No, that was the question..

*note: its pj's abandonment issues coming through*

_______

Pj: the power of women's history month is coursing through your veins

Mr.G: Women's histordeez nuts!

-------

*Warning: this is an ANGSTY one, my friends- don't worry, they work it out. As a sidenote; watch the scott pilgrim show if you haven't already. It's so good*

Pj: the truth is, I was too afraid to face you and my feelings

Hazel *angrily*: So you left without a word?!

Hazel: You made me feel like nothing.

Hazel: You we're afraid? Good for you!

Hazel: All I ever wanted was for you to see me.

Pj *holds back tears knowing she fucked up badly*

-----

Hazel: No, I'm not tired of being nice. Yes, I still just wanna go apeshit. These things can coexist, stop asking me.

------

Hazel: my kink is saying something incredibly corny and watching you speed run the five stages of grief as you realize with horror you still want to fuck me.

Pj *pillow over her face*: I am begging you, Hazel, please get a new kink…

------

Pj: Hazel figured out she can sneakily stick a note on someone’s back.

Pj: But she doesn’t know they should say things like “kick me”, so they just have cat facts on them.

------

Hazel: You idiot!

Pj: I’m sure you’re right, but why?!

------

Brittney: Can you come collect your freak of a girlfriend please, she's doing things

Hazel: No.

Hazel: I set her loose on purpose, she needed enrichment.

-------

Isabel: Ever since you started dating, you've become really nice and kind to Hazel. It's sweet

Pj: Well, duh, I'm not stupid. You don't bite the hand that fingers you, or whatever the saying is.

_______

Pj: I need bitches, how to I get bitches wise one 🙏🙏🙏

Rhodes: Well, first off, you gotta stop calling them that, girl.

---------

Pj: It's nice to see you again.

Hazel: Are you talking to my cooch?

Pj: Yes.

---------

Pj: Vulnerability is like so hard. If I told you anything sappy, Hazel, please know that I had to do hand to hand combat with seven layers of embarrassment, regression, and abandonment issues.

--------

Hazel: Pj, people love you and care about you whether you like it or not. I love you whether you like it or not. And no matter how hard you try to push me away, I'm not going anywhere. So just get used to it, okay?

-------

Pj: I guess I’m just a bad person.

Hazel: No, you’re not a bad person. You’re a terrific person. You’re my favorite person. But sometimes you can be a real asshole.

_____

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Non BL Fan watches Only Friends - Part II (Part I)

Ok. So it turns out that although I had to convince them to watch this show and share some thoughts with me, Neely really committed to the bit and is now enjoying the writing part more than the show. When I first talked to them about this, they said it would take 2/3 weeks to watch all of it. Turns out they watched 9 episodes in 3 days. And they already finish the show by the time this gets posted. So the final part of this will come soon.

So, they wrote a lot about episodes 5 - 9. And I haven't really been able to catch up to them so this time I won't be adding to it. Also, this is gonna be a bit long so if you want more general view of their thoughts on the show so far, skip to the end, to the conclusion. They separated it more or less by character so I'll add titles so it gets easier to read.

Neely's thoughts episodes 5 through 9 Just quick notes first:

It's creepy to me that Top's Halloween costume is a us army uniform 😬 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I'm glad Chueam had a little bit more presence, even if just as supporting act.

I’m annoyed at this thing of framing Ray as taking Mew on "a bad path" as if Mew has no agency. Mew just spent ages teasing Top with no sex and in that relationship he had all the agency, and felt able to put his boundaries, but now he can't refuse alcohol and drugs? Ofc it's reactive to what happened, but so is Ray's usage and nobody seems to give him the same credit or patience. That said, Ray is being a lil bitch in his pursuit of Mew and how he reverted into treating Sand with entitlement.

Now longer:

Boston

Boston just keeps one uping himself, at this point he's just going for asshole so at least he's not pretending, and to me, he's on a league of his own; the "girl"boss, gatekeep, gaslight self-made villain of the series. But also, what I realise has been paining me in this portrayal is - and I think this happens in other media with so-called 'sluts' - that there's a difference between being a slut and the very reality of sex addiction as an illness. And media often does this muddled mix of both, where it's not really an addiction in how they show it because often the reality of that is too much to be representing on your average TV, but it's also not being a slut. I just wanna say: sluts are happy most times. Fucking is nice, it's not always a speed-train to self-destruction, it can be about curiosity and playfulness and desire. It can be intimate and caring and genuine, even if it's a one-night stand. Sluts don't so often feel remorse about fucking people, because they are not suddenly controlled by some demonic entity of lust that cannot reject fucking even if it blows away all of their life and surroundings; sluts actively choose to fuck because they want to fuck. AND 7/10 TIMES IT IS NICE! Sluts also are not always ready and willing for actions with anyone - they have tastes and standards and preferences like most people. Boston has rejected 0 people in this show until now, and more often than not he has regretted that sex, or it has been ultimately destructive to him or people he loves, and now he fucks Chueam's brother and very clearly we start the next episode with a strong guilt scene.

I just wouldn't call Boston a slut, he's maybe a sex addict, or using sex for numbing the pain of repressing his sexuality to his dad - in a parallel to how Ray uses substances to numb his own family stuff. Sluts are some of the nicest people I've met, cause also to do that respectfully you do have to have good people skills and empathy, sex is about knowing how to relate so you do get good at...relating in general, even non-sexually. But yeah, my defense of ethical random sex for another time.

Of course there's lots of gay men, especially those who are repressed in some way (like Boston is with his dads campaign and having to hide his sexuality because of it) that end up using sex in this toxic way, as well as for validation, power, a sense of control, or just this detachment that ultimately comes from deep internalised homophobia and a sense of not deserving real intimacy and tenderness and love. Again, I think that's very real within gays - I'd say maybe my experience within western (- socialised) communities, that's often a pattern I notice more in older gays, like 40 on - generations who felt AIDS and criminalization and mortality in a way we cannot begin to imagine. So maybe within a Thai context it's more common that this repression and reaction to repression is still common in younger gay men? I don't know enough about this; I'm also mostly in quite progressive (gender-)queer communities in very out-there European queer centres, so maybe more trad western gays despite generation might feel this. Here, I wouldn't consider this group of friends trad-gays. But again, underlining all my own statements here is that cultural context possibly impacts this reading a lot and I won't pretend to know queer-thai pov.

But that's how I'm justifying this from my angle. Boston's not a slut, we gathered as a council in an emergency meeting and he has surpassed the max levels of regret and guilt and self-destruction we are allowed post-sex on a monthly basis. I'm positioning him as either sex addiction or using sex to numb pain, or both - an addiction grown from his family situation and hiding who he is. I think there's a nice parallel between his story and rays that I'm tentatively enjoying as an audience. Both are very real in the gay world too, I'd say.

Mew

I liked the confrontation scene where Mew played the track during sex. I also liked Mew's very 'meh' revenges - I think it suits the character, felt a bit too much ado about nothing, but while still being cruel. Like the burning of the paper but in a way it didn't actually trigger Top, so it's quite mean and malicious but with no real effect; and the same with Boston where he goes through all the effort of getting that fucking video to confront him and scare him and then just gives it to him, nothing happens, no effect. But still almost genuinely malicious. I think it suits the character, Mew is incredibly beige and non-eventful, a personification of a yawn but with tints of malevolence. Just think of the build up of virginity and the importance giving to losing it, and then uneventfully he looses it in a flash because Top emptied a baggy of coke. He's not concerned with actually doing or not doing a thing, he wields his full power as a character in withholding until he feels he can't withhold anymore, until he will gain more from giving that from holding back, this was proven to me even by how he was initially scared he'd lose Top for being inexperienced at sex, and when he decides to do it, he calls Boston and directly says "i feel like he'll get bored of me if I don't".

I imagine he will do the same with taking Top back; he's gonna extend it as much as he can. He weaponizes this type of power, having something someone else wants, and holding that against them: I think you can see this with Ray, with Top, now with Boston. So I liked his revenge gimmicks as a spectator, and I was glad it avoided us audiences witnessing him forcing Boston to come out; nobody needs to see that ever but let alone in the middle of this chaos, it would be too far on the unhinged scale for me.

Top

I'm still not buying Top. The way he is being acted just comes across so two-faced to me; and I don't know if that's purposefully trying to tell me something or if I have a wrong reading of the actors expressions and gaze.

But Top and his attempts at making amends... I get it, its meant to be sweet and caring towards Mew, but he's still holding on to this toxic controlling side most times. Like at the beginning of the post-break up he's trying to act all sad puppy for Mew but he's also still running away blaming everything for his own mistake instead of taking responsibility, including visiting Boston to blame him and yell at him.

When he comes to give Mew books as apology gift he says "I'm here cause I'm his boyfriend" and I'm like... 👀 Again I think some people might find that sweet but it gives me the ick, it gives me controlling partner, it gives me gaslighting, is toxic - you're broken up, acknowledge your mistake, acknowledge that the person ended things with you, and start making amends from that place.

It also didn't sit well with me that he cuddled Mew when Mew was passed out drunk. Yes cute nice caring to put him in bed and, ok, sure, pass a wet towel on his face and neck if you want, and I can even hold my side-eye and skip a breath at taking his trousers for comfort but.. this person told you almost halfway through a vomit to leave, don't stay and cuddle him as if you're still "boyfriends"; consent for that has been very clearly renounced.

I find him a bit coercive, in this way that is very common in romantic media troupes. Like I'm always on edge when he's on screen cause I feel he could be Joe Goldberg from YOU or something if shown from his perspective (sorry for another netflix comparison). But I'm open to being criticized on that because YOU did just taint my reading of every attempt at more traditional gentlemen romantic character on TV.

Sand

Poor Sand :(

Ok also unnecessary to seek revenge in that way and telling ray about the recording was oh so stupid. He did ultimately caused everyone's chaos without actually being direct about it and in a way that ended up implicating everyone; and he was our most wholesome character, so that didn't pass unnoticed to me but still...

Poor sand :(

I was happy with how quickly and undramatically and genuinely he apologized to Nick and supported Nick and assumed his mistake. Hands down the most genuine principled character in this series in both romantic love and friendship.

Ray

Personally I very very much feel Ray tho. Pursuing this infatuation that is nothing but your own projection after a person has repeatedly rejected you both with and without a partner, both 2 years ago and a few weeks/months ago. - instead of someone you have gotten to know and be intimate with and you're falling for reciprocally. Like been there, it feels stupid and embarrassing to watch, but also, I feel him. To desire this dream you've been feeding in the midst of years of trauma and addiction and feeling aimless in life, he had fed this so so much as if it was his only way out of the cycle, his only salvation, that of course it holds more influence still in him than the very real possibility of mutual love & care with Sand.

We could've had a mature poly maybe, if he is really so adamant of "I can have feelings for two people", but I don't really trust that in his state, and anyway if so, do it with respect. Instead he just drops Sand and goes back to treating him a bit like he is service, or guaranteed, or like he can buy him. The way Sand got into that bath tub after Ray broke his arm and he went to help him recover, baby nooo get out of there cmon.

Also on Ray.. I wanted to point out that while he was with Sand he became so much better as a person, less messy, less entitled, he opened up. But in no way did he stop drinking.

I'm not arguing that drinking that much is a good thing, it definitely isn't good and he should work towards calming it down. but he keeps being blamed for drinking alcohol, and like alcohol is destroying his life, but actually alcohol is more a consequence than a cause (as often is). He was drinking and drunk and doing drugs with Sand, but he was held, and he was relating, cared for, and he was turning out to be a genuinely nice person. Yes I think he could learn how to give better care back to Sand, even in their best moments, but I believe he was on a right path.

The chaos within him returns when the whole Mew infatuation is triggered again. And this makes sense - he drinks because he was always rejected by his family, importantly so, his mother. Mew is a continuation of that rejection, Mew is what his destructive depressive side keeps feeding on to tell himself he is worthless, that he doesn't deserve to be loved, that he will always be rejected. He has deep abandonment and rejection trauma, exacerbated but not started by alcohol. And sadly, he is surrounded by people in their own individualistic, predominantly romantic treadmills, that do not know how to be friends. His main issue is not getting intoxicated by alcohol, is being drowned in a fairly toxic "friend" group. And this is another example of why this show cannot write good relationships that aren't monogamous and romantic, and will always privilege those. Sand is the saving romance to what friendship in this universe will never be powerful enough to heal. And I find this overall message of 1-1 romantic love trumps everything, that is drilled into the essence of this show, deeply problematic. But more on that later.

Nick

Nick..........................

I don't know really. It's too much

It's so delusional poor guy.

It's too much for me to relate I think. I relate to the overwhelmingness of feeling, and I appreciate the representation of a deep feeler in this series and within queers or gays. Like he really said I will sob snort for this boy. But on the grand scheme of: wire-tapping Boston’s car, listening to the recording on what looked like noise canceling headphones, begging for him to stay, messaging and stalking the party... But also - giving Mew the info about AND the name of the person with Boston's sextape? He's so lost, no action he takes has a logic sense in any goal or narrative.

And I think it's cause he's lost between his good ethics and values and his obsessive infatuation for Boston. He's also generally too much of a puppet for everyone, he's lost and deranged for a boy who gave him not only crumbs but a tiny amount of crumbs about to get moldy. I found his fall into heartbreak and desperation so cringe to watch, and I felt really both sad and pity and shame for him - it was almost empathizing at one point cause we all have been played to some extent, but it went too far for me to be able to relate. But I feel for him, and also, I eye-roll for him in equal measure.

Chueam

I'm still disappointed with not getting proper Chueam content, and a story line that doesn't revolve around the messy gays. I would love if we had left the misogynist troupe of the fag-hag in the 90s and early-2000s (I know she's a lesbian, but still), and started treating women and giving them attention and stories, and defining them for themselves over being some balance or moral compass for the men. That would be much more queer, even if she was straight, than whatever this background lesbianism they went for, it's giving Willow in Buffy but set in G-A-Y Late (gay club in London, substitute for your own gay club reference).

Generally, to conclude, and sorry it's so long cause I don't feel like editing:

There's a few things that are becoming quite apparent to me, that I still would love and think it's possible to change a bit, but have little hopes it will.

1) This dude hates sex! (the creator). All the sex in this series has weird dynamics in it, it's like none of them can just fuck. Even the "slut" that is Boston, we are told he fucks around a lot and there's so many guys, but every instance of fucking that we actually are shown or are alluded to on screen, has resulted in something bad. There has been 0 genuine, non-weaponised, non-traumatic, instances of sex in this show, that weren't a part of, or even the start, of a train of terrible consecutive downhill events. Even Virgin Mew's first time is tainted by him using it as coin to get Top to stop doing coke, and also tainted by Top being dishonest just before when they just both said they'd be honest. Sex is a plot point to make everything go to shit in this universe. Let people fuck unharmed!

2) For a queer show, it's really going above and beyond to paint every aspect of queer life that isn't a straight-edge, monogamous, and orientated towards building family and career, as negative. We are meant to feel for poor delusional Nick, because he is trying to save Boston from himself and his proclivity for prostate with a promise of love and monogamy. Top himself is now beginning to assume this role in relation to Mew. We even get a random-ass parallel scene of Jennie the bar owner having a break up with her partner cause she doesn't wanna move in together. Like allow me to ask why we needed this? they were sweet and reliable as side-characters, there were numerous other plot points they could've picked to give them some spotlight, and to shine light on the tribulations of dating as trans, and trusting your partner as trans, which is the closest to a good point I can dig out of that scene. But they went for an explosive argument that equates not wanting to move in together and do a next step in normative romance, as being an issue, as being the only continuation, no other parallel paths to love can exist. There is no future in relationships in this universe that doesn't end in your typical nuclear family constellation. And this is a queer show!!!

3) For a show with "Friends" on the title, and presented in its first episode exposition as about this group of friends, it is very unconcerned with the idea of friendship.

There's a loose connection between some characters but rarely have I seen acts of true friendship. I think Sand and Nick is the best, potentially only, good representation of a healthy friendship with no extra manipulative dynamics, even with the unfortunate tainting with betrayal, the apology and resolution is rooted in a healthy and horizontal and unselfish friendship; Mew supporting Ray when he (almost?) took an overdose in the bath years before is one too; Sand consistently helping Ray could be considered that even though the intentions are muddled with romance; maybe Top now helping Mew we could make an effort to see it as an act of friendship because he told Chueam he wanted to help him even if they don't end up together. Of course Chueam too, but again she's the woman insert to be the balance to the slutty selfish men, the voice of reason on the other side of the scale (I don't feel like going further into the stereotypical gender binarism of this, but...).

I'm scrambling so much for examples that even Boston giving Mew a slight phone pep-talk before he loses his virginity could be considered one in this world of absolute friend scarcity? But it's all a reach. They all have fairly complex histories and including some trauma, and not once have they had a heart-to-heart and tried to help each other through, they base their interactions in moaning about their current - or their pursuits of - romantic relationships, or judging those who are not pursuing them, or have addictions that impact them in finding one.

The occasions of help happen ultimately because people have reached such a desperate state that they need a dramatic intervention; and the fact characters reach this level of desperation shouldn't surprise us, because ultimately all of them lack the foundational support of a good friend group.

And this makes sense with my point 2 above - this show is deeply unconcerned with any type of relationship that isn't 1-on-1 romantic partner love. These folks just happen to share space, almost at random, in their lifelong pursuit of a regular long term partnership that ultimately exists in a contextual friendless void. Which makes me think about the wider context of why they're spending time together and this hostel they're opening for a school project. Of course they were "friends" before, and so we are told, but the moments we experience of them together is one in which they are out together for a reason, for school, and not simply because they love each other and want to hang out. I'd love to see them leave their current partners at home a few more times and just hang out in a bar as pals.

The End

And that's what they wrote until episode 9. Neely already sent me their final thoughts so I'll post them later this week.

Thanks for reading💜

I'll tag some people that left comments last time or reblogged. @doyou000me @respectthepetty @italianpersonwithashippersheart @o-nao-lugar @lurkingshan @heiscomingtomygrave If anyone else wants to get tagged for the final one let me know.

[box-dwelling]

So i bully Phoenix for being a bottom a lot but I thought I'd do a post of my other NSFW head canons for AA. Maybe I'll add to this as I get through the series

1: FranMaya is Brat/Brat tamer. I don't even know if I think this needs an explanation. I feel like if you have a passing understanding of who both those characters are and what a Brat and brat tamer are you understand where I'm coming from. I also think they're terminally on again off again. Fran doesn't have like as much of the terminal run away instinct her brother does but like, I think she does break up with Maya the second she gets even slightly annoyed at her. Maya doesnt chase her because she thinks she's over reacting but then the next time they see each other they immediately have sex again. Maybe this works out eventually but I think there's a good while where this is the dynamic. And literally no one knows if they're dating, even them. Like sometimes Maya's like, "yeah she's just sulking, we're still together" and Fran is like "Maya Fey was the worst mistake of my life", because she left a burger wrapper on the counter for 0.25 seconds, and other times Maya's like "she's gone for good this time. It's over" and Fran is just "I still love her I just need to show boundaries" where the boundary is the Atlantic ocean. I think they're toxic and have amazing sex and good for them honestly.

2) Maya Fey and Phoenix Wright 1000% talk about and compare the sexual abilities of the Von Karma siblings. They fucking meet up get drunk and bitch about it and I cannot be convinced otherwise. When Fran and Miles find out instead of being violated they instead just go "but I'm better then him/her right?" (Fran is better for reasons I will now expand on.

3) Miles Edgeworth is painfully vanilla in bed. Listen Ace Edgeworth head canoners I love you and I am kissing you on the mouth but

I do not think he is ace, I think the man is just weird. I am certain Miles Edgeworth calls sex intercourse. If Miles Edgeworth were not the most homosexual human being to walk the planet earth the concept of sex that is not PiV for the express purpose of procreation would make the man faint. Despite this he is hopelessly sexually attracted to men and does not know how to handle it. He has either never seen any porn in his life and turns the TV off during sex scenes or does watch the most vanilla gay porn imaginable and treats it as his deepest darkest secret. And let me add, his attraction to men is not the aberration to him, this isn't an internalised homophobia thing, this is just the deepest sexual representation humanly imaginable and he would be equally weird if he had any attraction to women. Hand holding before marriage seems a step too far for him. He calls dating courting. I am fully convinced he would ask Phoenix's parents permission before allowing himself to even look the man in the eye when he realised he had feelings for him. Do I think this would last when Phoenix actually started sleeping with him? No. I think given Phoenix has proven himself to be pretty kinky he would bring it up, Miles would be a very awkward Dom for like one scene and then start to get over himself and realise this is another way he can do his favourite thing in the world, bullying Phoenix. Their sex life picks up a bit after that

[not-goldy]

So according to not goldy the people who tag ministry in hundreads of numbers to tell them that a man is gay (mind you the man never came out as gay they just decided he's gay) and is forcing his sexuality to their fav are not the worst but people who yapp about jungkook calling jimin ugly is shitty on sns are the worst. Jungkook is not coming to see who's calling him what with not even 20 likes but when you tag ministry in hundreads of numbers they sure see it and want to look at dumbasses. If i remember correct someone on twitter themselves has posted about their interaction with officials and how they might look into it. Mind you they're trying to drag their own fav in the nastiest Scandal one could get in a homophobic country like sk but sure that's not worst according to not goldy.

And you can't go to jm's childhood to drag him neither you can go to his adulthood to question him cause guess what? There's Hardly anything to drag that man cause he's raised that way. a gentleman who taught others how not to be toxic mascular guy at his own childhood. He had that level of thoughts before even 18 when others used to go "men don't look at their selfies" lol. you can try all you want you can't drag jm. There's a reason he's called an angel by the fandom. "I can also go to jimin's childhood" you can't susan you can't. He's jimin.

"Persons who yapp about Jungkook calling JM ugly-"

When did Jungkook call Jimin Ugly????

Don't treat that as facts cos that never happened.

And most times he ranked Jimin last he ranked himself second to last so that's neither here nor there.

And I don't think Jungkook ranking Jimin last in looks is yalls issue. The issue is yall branding him AN EVIL HUMAN BEING, DEMONIZING him for teasing Jimin, playfully avoiding him on camera,

Ya running around people's blogs trying to convince them Jungkook lives in hell next to lucifer yall ain't shit.

Yall: JUNGKOOK IS EVIL

Your evidence: he teased Jimin when he was child.

THATS WHAT MAKES YALL BITCHES

Well if your problem is with Jungkook's toxic fans tagging ministries take it up with them. Jungkook is not the one tagging the Ministry so yall can leave that man alone.

That's hardly anything to complain about Jimin from his childhood....

YOU SURE ABOUT THAT???? LMAO

And when I say yall fools set Jimin up- you are no better than the JJK dragging their fave in one of the nastiest scandals in Korea.

So may be hop off that high horse?????

Yall and JKKs are the same breed cut from the same claw

And between them being homophobic and yall being child abusers, I'll pick the homophobia just as I will pick a bear over a man 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

Jimin is HUMAN he's done things that are equally problematic but guess what HE'S GROWN AND LEARNED FROM IT.

Yall need to stop stripping his growth and humanness away from him.

At this point you are just objectifying him.

Damn

[lost-in-beacon-hills]

I love My Name is Earl so fucking much and here are my thoughts upon my millionth rewatch.

Earl, Crab Man, Catalina, and Billie are all bisexual.

Randy is asexual but still experiences romantic attraction.

Joy is the only straight one. Kenny is the only gay one.

Earl and Crab Man has one of the best "bromances." (Next to Scrubs JD and Turk) They have such a healthy respect for each other despite having been with Joy at separate and overlapping times. Most shows would make them hate each other. But Darnell is always a positive character. He's so genuine and compassionate. Such a breath of fresh air for TV. It's nice to see a man so in touch with his feelings and LOVING his wife. Joys a bitch (affectionate) and I love that. She gets to be the mean one. She gets to be angry, and he gets to be nice. They both love that setup. And I love that for them.

Billie is the antithesis of Earl. I know that's obvious, but it's still very interesting. They both grew up in perfectly fine households and willingly chose to do wrong. Once they both got hit by Karma, they each dealt with it in different ways. Earl showed genuine remorse. He tried to do more than say 'sorry' and move on. Billie took the easy way out. She did the surface level work. Karma brought them together as a warning to Earl, I think. This is what you were, who you almost became again. This is how people perceived you. She had a chance to do better and actively chose to ignore it. She made the people around her miserable. Earl, on the other hand, went out of his way to build trust with those around him. (I have more to say on this, but I'll make another post)

Kenny and Earl could and would work. I think Earl has a LOT of unpacked homophobia. And, Kenny is one of the people Earl went out of his way to mend his relationship with. Most of the others were a one - or two episode thing and done. But Kenny constantly popped up. I know I'm probably being crazy with this one, but I think Earl liked Kenny. I think part of why he bullied him was that unpacked homophobia. And Kenny, that sweet forgiving fucker, is actually good for him.

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR Rambles 7 days

Have you considered I've gone mad.

Wacky perhaps?

It's the gay ass forest scene bitches and my long winded thoughts.

WELCOME TO MY GAMER PAD. SORRY FOR THE MESS I JUST GET SO TILTED AT THE TOWERS.

Shadow Link calling VIO weird is so funny to me. Just casual spying. Nothing weird. Noticing every tiny detail about him...Nothing weird.

Shadow related to Vio and that's why he went for him over any of the others. XD

Let's go down the list shall we?~

Red's too much of a crybaby to even consider humoring not suitable for the darkness too much of a wuss. Sorry Red we're thinking with Shadow's logic here, also Red's a big baby.

Blue's too much of an arrogant hot head and I imagine Shadow would assume they'd butt heads too much to work with cleanly. Also, Shadow would be in range to be smacked with a hammer and that sounds unpleasant. Though I do think Blue would be a close second considering he could have his anger pointed at the other 3... Shadow could be like "Oh you know, the other 3 are just too...combative with your greatness"

Green's too much of a goody too shoes. Also I love the vibe we all get that he kinda HATES Green. X'D

(This is like, a prevalent idea in the fandom and I find it hysterical despite me ya know...Shipping Green x Vio x Shadow X'D Shadow tries to get along with everybody more in FSR though)

That leaves the quiet angsty one that already seems to be having doubts going through similar emotional struggles as Shadow Link.

Which one would YOU pick? X'D The choice is obvious.

I brought this up on the actual comic post but I'll bring it up again: I also think the timing for them being split up is very...Sus on Shadow's part. Like, I think Shadow split them up to talk to Vio alone and get the other 3 in parrel imo. And waited till Vio was tired from fighting through the forest to confront him. Everyone else's scenes take place during the day, Vio's is at night. Considering Shadow's the one who presumably used magic to split them up and swiped Red's sword right off his back we know the dude is following em around.

Just a set up page. leads into the next scene. There's not a lot special to say about it. Vio recognizes "Oh shit this isn't right" right away.

I like the last 2 panels of Shadow just waiting for Vio cause he's in control of the situation.

Dark Link finally says something of substance. About himself anyways.

So far he's only been repeating people's insecurities back at them, you'd be forgiven for assuming that he doesn't HAVE a character of his own. Nope he does. XD

He reveals he's sneaking through Shadow's memories which is something he's surprised he can do. Shadow's previous assumption that the curse doesn't affect him at all is wrong considering this information...Or perhaps Dark Link can just comb through anyone's insecurities. We'll see...

We get a panel of what Shadow looks like in the headspace. He has the scar on his chest visible lol. FSR Shadow has a scar from the Four Sword blast he takes in the manga's events. Because angst that's why. Also Vio and Shadow are together, but this was mainly done to show they were together in the real world. Dark Link isn't directly talking to Shadow here like he did with Vio and Green. He's just watching. Menacingly!!!!

Dark Link thinks of Shadow Link as a "Traitor" to his "Master" Vaati.

Conformation he is FOR SURE working for Vaati and not just and extension of Vaati.

He not so slyly mentions he'd rather read with and hug Vio than work...showing a weird urge to be close to the four sword wielders. Which is amusing considering the hug he gave Vio earlier ended in Dark Link strangling him and his hug with Green wasn't very pleasant for Green.

He also whines he doesn't wanna work at all. Realizing he should pay more attention to the flashback lol.

So he's for sure odd.

He really likes hugs and wants to have fun with the Four Swords gang, even though eh doesn't care for how THEY feel during his "Fun".

His body language suggests he's just relaxing and amused.

We don't get a lot to work with for him as of now.

Somebody described him as "pining" in this scene and I find that fucking hilarious so I'd thought I'd mention it. I've drawn him a shit ton with swift violets dude is down bad for Vio. X'D

Back to Vidow- X'D

Shadow further relates to Vio's feelings of being alone and Vio notices his mistake. I've mentioned before but DAMN does he look SAD in the pages where Shadow talks to him: Cause like again. He's not talking bad about Vio at least not directly.

He's insulting the other 3 and gassing Vio up as better but Vio's inability to fit in with HIMSELF really hurts and someone like SHADOW of all people being able to see right through that has to hurt even more.

Anyways I've brought this up again a million times but I find it interesting Shadow doesn't do the typical "Join us" speech of

"You're worthless without the darkness" Rather he says more along the lines of

"You're already great, join the darkness because you're wasting your greatness with those losers"

Like maybe this is normal (The pool of media I engage with is rather small.) but I'm so used to villains telling heroes how shit they are to their face rather than pumping them up. It's a very interesting approach and following Shadow's character later through the manga this is just another reason why I think he was being genuine to some degree when he approached Vio.

I'd go with it was pure manipulation: If Shadow didn't continue to blow smoke up Vio's ass through the rest of their time together. X'D Like if it was "Oh I told you how great you are now I'm gonna shit talk you to show you I'm better" but nah, he like, just keeps being nice lmfao.

We see him snap when Vio lifts the sword up when it shines brightly but I see that as a fear response rather than him like actually mad or trying to put Vio down, he comes off as more anxious than angry to me in that scene? Because he repeats Vio's on their side and when Vio affirms he IS he calms right the fuck back down. Gave him a mini heart attack Vio lol.

Anyways back to what's going on in FSR:

The realization "Oh shit I let my guard down around him" is also a mortifying thought. Like think of how CLOSE Vio LET Shadow get to him. He didn't push him off in the English anyways he just weakly tells Shadow to let go of him. He has a sword, right in his hand lmao. Bro could have like, took an actual swing or smth He points his sword at him but that wasn't a genuine attempt to hit him. but the second Shadow KNEW he wouldn't After he pushed the sword away in the most gay way possible he just kept getting closer and closer and VIO LET HIM.

LIKE.

BRO.

HELLO?

DO SOMETHING?

Nah. Shadow's words make him DROP HIS WEAPON.

The urge to fight Shadow off completely lost. Dude lowkey just gave up.

Benefit of the doubt here for Vio: Fighting Shadow in the woods is a bad idea because Vio is weakened from fighting monsters all day, he's alone They got their asses beat at Hyrule castle with one swing of his sword and there was four of them, but letting him get close is ALSO a bad idea. X'D

Shadow's in a good mood and maybe Vio just didn't wanna piss him off Counter argument, he draws his sword in the first place Shadow could have flew into a rage over just that but this bitch is dangerous Vio, and he STILL drops his guard lol. I just find how Vio handled the woods scene very interesting it really shows the weaknesses he has.

Haha so I've made 2 super gay continuations of this scene but this is a more serious take on it.

Vio's PANICING because the terror is setting in and Shadow keeps pushing.

And then he says it, the thing!

"Wouldn't it just be easier to kill me"

AND YEAH VIO YA GOT A GOOD POINT. WHY DIDN'T HE?

I've already pointed this out: but the very idea Shadow wants to befriend one rather than outright killing all four is very interesting.

He wants a friend so bad it's sad.

None of the Hinoxes or vaati's minions are like, beings he could consider "Friends" Which is sad. Vaati and Ganon aren't his friends. One's his boss and another is a guy who bosses him around lmfao. And in FSR is an abusive dad figure

Rather: Befriending an enemy is an easier option than trusting/befriending his own team. Like ouch. We KNOW from the manga he outright states Vio's the first person he can trust. He doesn't feel he can trust Vaati or Ganon which is just OUCH.

Further: The recruitment plan requires SO MUCH MORE EFFORT than just killing Vio while he's vulnerable which Vio brings up here.

Shadow slyly mocks this notion bringing up just how heartless that'd be. Comparing them all the further.

Interesting thing to note:

Shadow also doesn't outright kill the knights and would rather make them "A big happy family in the dark world" which is interesting. Shadow's avoidance to outright kill people is probs just to keep the rating like, ya know. Not T or M but still interesting from a CHARACTER angle. The only people he outright tries to kill are the four Links. X'D

Another option: Shadow is no stranger to kidnapping. He could have just kidnapped one of them. Would that work as long as befriending one genuinely? No, probably not. Befriending one is a more "Permanent" solution unless you hide the kidnapped one somewhere they can't escape or be found. And then we loop around to "Why not just kill them?"

AU where Shadow Kidnaps Vio and they have a beauty and the beast style romance where-

Here's another stream of thought: Why bother coming to Vio AT ALL if he already has Red's sword? Which we know at this point he does. HE HAS A TRUMP CARD? if they can't get the sword back because their journey IS TIME BASED: They lose.

Why does he go for the risky option of converting one of them to the darkness at all?

And if you STILL aren't convinced this is weird ass hell Okay here's ANOTHER idea I just came up with on the fly while writing this: Steal Vio's sword too. The one Vio points right at his fucking face and he could like...yank away. Shadow doesn't even have to kill him himself if he leaves Vio defenseless in the woods.

Like here's smth as a writer I'm not sure how often regular viewers even consider: Alternate choices.

"Character A COULD have done this...but they CHOSE to do this instead" What they DON'T do says just as much as what they DO, and I'll go further into that with ANOTHER choice that makes no sense to me.

And I'm not complaining about the writing by the way I LOVE how this specifically makes no sense because it leaves the door opening to asking "WHY". And we're ignoring the explanation of "Because x has to happen for plot reasons" because we ask "IN THE BOUNDERIES OF THE STORY WHY!?" because that's more fun than "Well he can't just kill Vio because then Vio would be dead and the story would be over" okay but that's not FUN to ask/fun as a response??? What kind of soulless unfun monster do you have to be to accept that as your reality? X'D

AND WHY ARE YOU READING THE SEVENTH INSTALLMENT OF ME OVER ANALYSING THIS BOOK WHILE RANTING ABOUT MY OWN OVER ANALYZED CHOICES MAKING A FAN SEQUEL IF YOU FEEL THAT WAY LMFAO.

Anyways like have you realized just how ODD Shadow's choice to befriend Vio is yet? Like because the manga plays it off as "Oh well it just happened" We don't get to sink in just how WEIRD it is I feel??? Like ALL the reasons why brain thinks "Holy shit that's fruity" because LIKE- I'VE LAYED EM ALL OUT RIGHT THERE IT MAKES NO SENSE TO DO THIS PLAN UNLESS HE'S JUST LIKE- IN LOVE WITH HIM??? None of Shadow's choices around Vio are rational and it's hysterical.

One of my absolutely favorite lines from this update is "Have you forgotten? I'm the hero! I'm here to save you!"

Because on some level Shadow WOULD think he's saving one of them from a horrible fate being merciful and kind to one of them. If he truly wanted to befriend one. Bro is 100% legit here while being kinda mocking towards Vio's assumptions about him. Emphasizing "he just wants to help".

Vio's utterly flabbergasted/horrified face was fun. There's no thought bubble so it really leaves you to wonder what's going through his head from those words.

The "I GOT HIM! I ACTUALLY GOT HIM!" face is so hilarious to me. Like- He's so fucking giddy here it's hysterical.

Smth to point out particular to FSR Vio: Vio's tugging on Shadow here is a nod to him doing that in the library when he wordlessly wants Shadow to come closer.

I imagine Vio has a hard time talking verbally about what he wants. And he's not even too sure WHAT he wants here. He just wants to feel better.

Smth about FSR Vio specifically is he kinda just wants someone else to do the thinking for once, but feels obligated to think anyway. X'D

He's at the point of "Somebody just help me" but can't put that to words.

His smile tones down into a much more....Pleasant one. He's genuinely happy Vio's coming along lol. Friend acquired.

Shadow awards Vio with the high honor of: Keeping his sword.

Back with my insanity to speak on why as Shadow Link, THIS MAKES NO SENSE TO DO.

I find interesting that Shadow implicitly trusts Vio with smth that he SHOWS himself to be anxious about Vio keeping might I add once again...Like he let Vio keep his sword seemingly despite better judgment. If he took it along with Red's, Vio/the four sword gang would be fucked without it.

Here's my thoughts on why Shadow would let Vio keep his sword: Shadow is TRYING to show Vio he's an equal.

Because let's think of it in story land perspective: Vio only uses his sword in 2 scenes that are like RELIVANT before Shadow tries to burn Vio and takes the sword anyway: *The one where his sword glows (If they're already hanging out with Red's sword in Vaati's pad this could have been kept in imo) *Where he fights Green

It'd be easy to write around Shadow letting him keep his sword.

"Surrender your sword to lord vaati to prove your devotion" or smth.

But nah. he's just allowed to keep it for whatever reason.

Shadow always could have just given him a different sword and confiscated the Four Sword but was like: Nope, you get to keep it.

Like again: This choice is odd no matter how you slice it so it makes me think Shadow wanted to show he sees Vio as an equal by letting him keep the weapon that could be used against them.

Or perhaps: It's short sightedness: "Well we have Red's sword so yours is kinda useless" I'm up for either interpretation really. (If you haven't noticed, I'm open to a LOT of angles from FS because I'm not SUPER narrow in my analysis.

Unlike some people who need to lighten up lmfao. Good god I've seen some people seemingly act defensive about FSR specific ideas...And I can't tell if they're just talking ABOUT me/FSR but like: Bro I'm so open to alt ideas as long as somebody isn't a dick. And you'd know that if you read these, FSR is SPECIFICALLY about the choices and ideas I've decided make the most sense/the most fun route to go down because unlike a lot of people I hold the idea of "If it isn't outright stated it's not cannon" so ANYTHING outside of the author's written page ISN'T CANNON. Literally I never claim any of my rambles are cannon do I think some things are true? Hell yeah, but they aren't conformed at the end of the day lmfao but I'm an artists and I can draw what I want so I got the power to make shit real in it's own way. They're inspections of the cannon and interpretations. I can never be Akira Himikawa and the translators who translated their work to english. I question their choices ALL THE DAMN TIME I can't even get close to fully getting inside their heads. (It's been SO LONG since they made this manga I doubt they remember every single dialogue/expression choice they made and WHY.)

Even the English translation's cannon-ness is up for fucking debate in my eyes, FSR is SO out of the realm of cannon/cannon adjacent it's hysterical. Because my ideas aren't "The one true right and correct ones" they're not even close. Nobody's are. ONLY AKIRA'S ARE BECAUSE THEY MADE IT. Apart of why FSR is so wonky is because it's going off the wonky Viz translation NOT THE OG Japanese! (I'd love to translate FSR into Japanese at some point, but as I've stated in the past it'd be based on the Japanese manga so wording/some things would outright be different lmfao)

Why are some people such freaks about this? X'D I don't engage with FS media that I find butchers the characters but I don't like to rant about it for the most part because getting mad at someone else's interpretation is kinda goofy considering how open the source material IS. Gatekeepy fandom culture is weird. Enough said.

This goes back to my: Link is as fluid as a Vocaloid.

and the "you will never make something as close to the OG as the author would" arguments.

And sometimes even AUTHORS butcher sequels by seemingly forgetting their own characters. (Akira is not an example of this but still)

Anyways back to the page:

Vio's just kinda broken on auto piolet at this point, thoughtlessly thanking Shadow for picking up his sword and walking as Shadow drags him along. Shadow's basically SKIPPING with delight at this revelation.

He "saved "one. And now they can both be true heroes! :D How nice how fun! Vio joined the party!~

I will mention Shadow's so wrapped up in how happy he is he's kinda neglecting how Vio feels about the situation. At least right away.

Shadow's excited to immediately get him into the loop. Shadow's biggest character trait in scenes with Vio imo is his naivety.

Vio's bamboozled at his own actions. Reflecting. It's like he's watching from a 3rd person perspective as he's making shitty choices. X'D

"Crap why AM i going with him????"

Like he realizes in real time he's not doing anything to stop Shadow, he didn't in the moment and now here we are.

And then "This was hopeless from the start huh?" coming to grips with his situation, deciding going with Shadow is for the best for now but not as his ally as nobodies ally. He's alone.

Shadow makes an effort to soothe Vio's anxieties. In his own way of course. He just assumes Vio's got butterflies lmao.

Pushing down Vaati not so casually. XD

Vio starts to pretend outright here. Making his choice that he and Shadow aren't pals.

Vio knows what he's doing right now is cruel but decides it's what he "Needs" to do.

Haha sounds like our Vio.

He realizes he just doesn't go about things the way Link would, or how the rest would.

He also dampens his expectations. He doesn't know the other's situations. So he assumes they're all fucking dead and he can't rely on them lmao. He really feels alone. Cutting himself off when he realizes the very idea they could be alive is an optimistic idea considering he knows ONE of them doesn't have their sword from Shadow's sly remark.

Diving into head cannons again: Feel like he'd be more worried if he knew for sure in this moment it was Red. X'D Cause like: I combed through the manga awhile back, Vio seems to have the best relationship with Red out of all of them? When I was seeking for "moments where Vio was touched by someone else other than Shadow" I noticed he pats Red lovingly on the head and is the one to save Red from getting crushed by the eye monster. We don't get like, VERBAL interactions from them but from the context clues I'd say Vio got along with Red the most.

Vio ended up in the most direct danger in the woods, Link waltzed into the pyramid Shadow didn't put him in there so that doesn't count. X'D I'd say Blue was in the 2nd most dangerous position considering the elements could kill his ass.

Vio's going off his own experience here on if he thinks the others are okay.

"I am surrounded by idiots" taken to the extreme.

"but even if I'm the only one here I'll still do what needs to be done"

Real Mikasa's speech after losing Arin from the Struggle for Trost arc vibes I realize. X'D

False confidence at best and lying.

He dampens his own desires just to do what needs to be done. His devotion to Zelda more important. Saving Zelda all that matters.

I really wanna dive into Vio's relationship with Zelda. (Feel like it'll be more prominent in the stories AFTER FSR's main story if we get that far sadly agh.)

[dandydanthelion]

Hii i love your apprentices :00 can you tell me more about them if you don't mind? Or link me to somewhere where you've talked about them ? :]

oh god i am not good at writing but i'll try my best

i have 3 apprentices and not all of them are equally fleshed out and the ref sheets are old, sorry about that

First up is Zaire! i use him mainly for julian's route (and muriel too sometimes). he grew up as the eldest brother to his 3 siblings. he was the golden child and he never really grew out of his need to be "perfect" and great at everything. so he sometimes overwork himself. his father is a magician, mainly uses his magic in culinary (like mazelinka), and thats where zaire learned his magic from. his mother was a merchant and both of his parents weren't home for much so zaire had to take care of his siblings. and that made him a great cook and an even better caretaker.

he has a journal and has a beautiful way with words so he occasionally write poems here and there. his sense of fashion is anything that is black gold and red, refuses to wear other than those colors. hes quite high maintenance and spends way too much money hoarding jewelleries.

for his overall personality, he could be quite the intimidating one at first glance because he has a resting bitch face but he's actually pretty good at socializing and he's pretty charming once you actually get to talk to him. once you know him well enough, you'll find out that he can be snarky and smug. hes pretty confident in what he does and how he carries himself.

like asra, he mainly uses water magic. his fursona is a wolf (the Alexander archipelago wolf to be exact) and his familiar is a flying fox. this is not in his reference sheet but hes an ENFJ.

heres a lil bonus design i made for julian's reversed ending

next up is Aries!

TW: mentions of SA and abuse!!! (in the indented paragraph)

they were actually my first apprentice back in 2020 and i originally used them for julian's route. tho i basically changed their whole personality from their 2020 version. i love to switch up my apprentices for different routes but aries is mainly for lucio's route for now.

in my previous post of their dynamic with lucio, as much as a shitpost that was, its still pretty much accurate for their personality. they can be quite dense but yk thats okay. they're optimistic and easy-going. everyone assumes theyre a cinnamon roll and could never do anything wrong but theyre that knife cat meme. kinda like asra but more chaotic and just a lil morally grey (be gay do crime). also theyre unhinged when theyre seriously pissed off.

now im gonna talk about heavier topics (that i mentioned in the tw) in this next paragraph.

growing up, they didnt really have the best childhood. when they were a child, they had to witness their adoptive parents fight and it was because of their mother. in their previous life, they had a (supposedly) romantic relationship but their (ex) boyfriend was abusive and aries had a hard time learning that those abusive behaviors werent normal (they did grew up with a mother who was an abusive wife). unfortunately, those abuse led up to SA and much worse.

even in those first 3 years after being resurrected and them not having their memories from their previous life, traces of their insecurities that were caused by their past can still be seen.

they were originally a gardener that also sold their plants, and one magic plant after another is what got them interested in magic. though their magic is actually fire related. their hobby is tailoring and they actually embroidered the flower pattern on their white shirt.

i didn't write it on the ref sheet, but i do intend on making them arospec! lucio (or any other m6, depending on the route u choose) is actually their first love.

their fursona is a rabbit (the lop rabbit to be exact) and their familiar is a draco aka the flying lizard.

i havent drawn their Lucio's upright ending design and their devil design yet but i'll do it... eventually.

and lastly, is dahlia!

now im so sorry for this but i dont use her that often (you can probably tell) because lucio refuses to leave my head and julian doesnt know how to get out so they're both stuck there. i use her for asra, nadia, and portia's route.

i havent really thought much about its bg story but anw here's what i got

out of the three apprentices, dahlia had the best childhood. it used to travel a lot in its early 20s, occasionally performing in taverns. she plays the lute and has a low and beautiful, warm voice which she only uses sometimes because shes shy. she doesnt perform in her first 3 years after being resurrected because of her social anxiety which the whole resurrection and amnesia thing dont help.

it is very smart and quick-witted but oblivious social cues. she keeps accidentally getting herself into trouble which she has no struggle getting out of. in her previous life, she got interested with magic from all of the magicians she met during her travels then she ended up dating one but thats another story. her magic is mainly water related.

her middle name means "full moon" and her moon earrings actually match up with the current phase of the moon. she doesn't really know how to... fashion so she just tends to wear a lot of black. its quite messy and unorganized so basically that combined with asra's messiness is just not good. overall shes very sweet, quite reserved, so easy to fluster gal. shes gremlin coded but has the opposite personality of a gremlin.

i didnt put its mbti there, but its an INFP. both her fursona and her familiar is a rat.

okay i think im done, i hope this isnt too much but

@sasha-is-annoying, tysm for the ask!!

[rainbowdaisy13]

All of this reeks of PR & trying to keep both MAGA & Democrats in her fandom, by flying BM & PM in shortly before this. It completely pulled me out of my Taylor/Kaylor hyper fixation. Totally helped me see their relationship (in whatever form) in a more realistic light & know it's not something I'm comfortable actively rooting for. I don't even care Karlie liked her post. I had no reaction to that. So I, for one, won't be around to decipher Easter Eggs anymore & help her keep up her both sides mind games for the fandom, at my old age of 30. Thank you Taylor for freeing me from the cult & allowing me to see, in real time, the dirty little games you play with your fans. Good luck to them both if this is what they want, but Taylor completely ruined it for me with her actions this past year. Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words and she will never take back in my view the message she sent by platforming these people! It's all about money in the end, not authenticity. I realized I didn't have to support such a person just because I think she's gay. Goodbye Rainbow, take care, I'll remember you foundly👋🫂💫🌈

Absolutely valid—this entire last year & last month specifically was instrumental in removing the Taylor swift colored glasses

I’m also now ambivalent about hints, Easter eggs, secret messages which feels like freedom in many ways —I did not react finding out Karlie liked her post other than to think well duh she’s probably like finally bitch!!

I’m sad Karlie is being targeted still but that’s on Taylor to stop those people—first step in being an adult ✅ now move to the next one of defending your Lover publicly!

The Taywarriors or whatever can feel smug as usual—I like to think all the fans across platforms that called her out for being an absolute dickhead and that Miss Americana was a joke spurned her to action & I’ll consider that a win for America any day

So long my friend take care and VOTE 🩶

[doubledyke]

tagged by moth @repurposedmeatlocker thanks pal

Last song you heard? - radio by the avalanches

Your favorite color? - greeeeeeeeeeen

What show/series did you watch last? - well i just skimmed an episode of eene to find that video clip i posted

Spices / Sweet / Savory - idk what this one means but i've been eating way more spicy food lately than is probably healthy if that's what you're asking

Relationship status - 0 bitches

Last thing I googled - 'ed edd eddy time capsule' lmfao cuz i can never remember episode names

Current obsession - ed edd n eddy bc i'm gay. outside of that probably this really cool youtube channel called florecitadreams check it out if you're a fan of weird stuff.

The last book you read? - keys to drawing by bert dodson (guys i'm trying okay)

Something you're looking forward to - the day i don't have to sell my finite time on this earth just to be able to afford basic necessities. and whatever the next bank holiday is.

not gonna tag anyone cuz everyone i can think of has already been tagged but if you see this and wanna do it i'll be nosy 👀

[pub-lius]

burr pt. 4 stay on that grindset mindset

with the power of abby lee miller and the devil from the bible, im getting all these posts done in one sitting. (part 3)

Europe side quest

Burr fled to Europe under an assumed name in June 1808 because literally everyone hated him after the whole treason and killing Hamilton thing.

Burr traveled through England living it up, and by that I mean sightseeing, reading, whoring, eating a shocking amount of grapes, and plotting yet another Western expedition (he tried to get British and French support but they didn't give a shit, they had an international war to worry about).

He met Jeremy Bentham and they were gay and I live for it. Bentham was a philosopher, best known for the concept of utilitarianism, which is actually really slay. He wrote to his daughter about how much he liked him and how much he thought she would like him and it's really sweet to read. More info about Burr and his gay lovers here (I love this article).

Burr visited France and almost hung out with ~M. de Talleyrand~, but Talleyrand was like "i have this portrait of Hamilton, I hope that's not a problem" and Burr was like "...maybe i'll catch you next time-"

There was also this one time (idk where or when it was, but im not looking it up) where Burr saw a statue of Hamilton and like pointed at his face wrinkles and said "here lies the poetry" or whatever. You can think about that all you want, I think it's weird and I have no clue what it means.

Return to America

Burr came back to the states in spring of 1812, and moved to the Boston waterfront, which was. different. from the elaborate mansion he had in the New York countryside. He reappeared in New York in June to resume his legal career, so I don't wanna hear he was unemployed (he was severely in debt tho).

In December 1812, Theodosia Jr. went to meet Burr from her home in South Carolina, but died in a shipwreck. cry. CRY.

Burr continued to practice law, but was completely removed from politics. In 1831, he was found living in a dirty "garret, shabbily dressed" yet still optimistic.

He married Eliza Jumel, who was a wealthy widow, in 1833. In my opinion, she was just as sketchy as he was, so like. idk, but she divorced him the following year because he was a broke bitch. She also hired Alexander Hamilton Jr. as her divorce attorney which, yeah that's a low blow, but he was a huge asshole, so maybe she should have gone with James Alexander Hamilton instead.

Burr suffered several strokes the day the divorce was finalized in 1834, and died at Port Richard, Staten Island on September 14.

A clergyman was asked about the likelihood that Burr would be freed from sin, and he said, "On that subject I am coy."

Aaron Burr was buried at Princeton on September 16, 1836.

This one is unexpectedly short, which I think is a gift from god because I have been sitting here for four hours. I'm going to go watch Shameless and eat ice cream, so I hope you all have a slay day, and I will see you soon for Lafayette's post <3

[thefootnotes]

Rise and Fall Of A Midwest Princess - First Listen

Before I Listen... I know next to nothing of Chappell's music. All I know is she's a queer person from America, and I'm pretty sure she's from a red state? And she likes to make big! statements about queer people in red states (go her honestly). And also that some of her lyrics are questionable. So! I am in my bedroom with my headphones, a clear floor ready for dancing, and this tumblr post pre-formatted for my thoughts on each song. Cannot wait!!!!! Getting started now.

P.S. I'm using a four-step-scale: skip, playlisted, green heart, life altering

Feminominon

oh thats funky. thats-

the stuttery piano in the back is gorgeous

the backing vocals!!!!!

oh oh oh the. the production wow

okay um. the switch lmao

GET IT HOT LIKE PAPA JOHNS

i love the melodies in the verses

lo *hiccup* ver

can you play a song with a fucking beat she fucking ate that

oh like a talking bridge???

the scream oml

ok so that was. interesting.

not the best lyricism i've ever heard but it was vibey?

idk, i didnt love it.. not the strongest start to the album imo but. i'ma keep going!

skip

Red Wine Supernova

acoustic?

nope ok

oh thats gay alright

agh the vocals????

"fell in lvoe with the tyhought of you now im choked up face down burnt out" ????? bitch slay

AGH THE VOCALS

RED WINE SUPERNOOOOVAAAAAAAAA

the lyrics have some interesting choices but she ate

okay yeah not playing this around my parents.

baaaabyyyy why dont you come oooooveeeeeer

okay im vibing

the "okay yall, lets pick it up now" is so gdsklfjdlkfjdslkfjdslfdsj

i really like that she's used very obviously country elements and accents but kept true to pop production. its so fun

CROWD VOCALS MY BELOVED

CROWD VOCALS OVER ACOUSTIC MY FUCKING BELOVED

green heart

After Midnight

oh thats. interesting

sick beat though

some really interesting sounds happening. in my ears.

dancing DANCING IM DANCING

i lvoe the use of crowd vocals on this album????

"i kinda wanna kiss your gf" "i kinda wanna ksis your bf" bisexual? i've heard that she's demi too actually

THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT THIS IS A VIBE FOR THIS PANSEXUAL SLUT

who has two thumbs and is vibing *points thumbs at myself* this guy!!!!!

holy fuck that was just so. fun

green heart

Coffee

PIANO?????

PIANO TRACK????

SAD?????????

agh her voice jdfslkjfdslkfjdskl

oh my god. oh my god

"i'll meet you for coffee cause if we have wine youll say that you want me i know thats a lie"???????? BARS

im going to cry this is sickening

THE BRIDGE

THE BUILDYP ADN TEH BACKING VOCALS OH OH OH

oh.. the. the resolve is. oh

emotional destruction. i need a minute.

life altering

Casual

this is the one about someone eating her out isnt it. *sigh* here we go

^ i say taht like i dont love songs about sex. anyways

oh this is. this is interesting

i love the synthing throughout the album

this is so much. slower than i expected????

oh this is actually kind of sad at the same time???? jfkdsjflkdsjflksdj

the bridge? i. i died

this is actually really beautiful. if impossible to play around my parents

green heart

Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl

this is so. drag queen coded????

the beat???

the gasps fdsklfjsdklfjdslk

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

dancing im dancing

im up im up im up

this is pop like pop hasnt been in a decade. good lord

FJDKSFJSDKLFJSLKDJFSLKJ AHHHHHHHHHHH

ultimately just. a strong sapphic-meets-girl power anthem. wow. im truly so impressed.

playlisted

HOT TO GO!

i know the dance but i've never heard it

oh oh what the fuck is that oh fdsklfjdslkfjdslkfj

like the wind chimey noise

oh this sounds so. rocky horror??

H-O-T-T-O-G-O YOU CAN TAKE ME HOT TO GO

fdjs,lfjdslkj vibes

shes pop-girlie-ing like very few pop girlies have pop-girlied. just. pop anthem. absolute pop antehm

i lvoe the ad-libs

we're officially halfway. lets go.

playlisted

My Kink Is Karma

i have heard Things about this track so. lets go ig

oh oh?? oh

thats very ldr. i dont like ldr as a person but musically this feels a bit ldr.

ah the high vocals

HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT THE THE THE

"my kink is watching yOOOOOU" fklgjdsklfsdjklfjdsklJKLFJDSKLFJDSLKFJSDLKFJDSLKFJDSLKFJDSLKJDS

"no need to be hateful in your fake gucci sweater" djskfjdskfjs

this is so twisted and im so here for it

the vocals are just insane. im sat. im so sat

green heart

Picture You

oh her voice i-

that nostalgic chord progression is so. jfkldjfls

backing vocals abcking vocals gjdfksjsdklfjdslk

oh this is sad but horny but sad

the vocals im shook. my gob is smacked. my flabber is gasted. my be is wildered. how do i live after this

im literally just dead

green heart

Kaleidoscope

oh no is this sad too????

i love the electro production over the piano? its gorgeous

her voice is just beautiful. its just so beautiful

how it works, i'll never know....

im just going to sit in the corner and fucking sob

sorry theres so few notes i was too busy fucking crying

life altering

Pink Pony Club

i have heard this exactly once. (i was at a festival on friday and they played this between sets - i couldnt hear chappell or the production over the crowd tho so. its ok

is this just the universal queer experience actually

GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONT YOURE A PINK PONY GIRL AND YOU DANCE AT THE CLUB

the bridge i...

this is lowkey a very sad and very real experience for so many queer people and. fdjskfjdslfjsdlkfjdslkj

this was vibey and i loved the statement!!

playlisted

Naked In Manhattan

oh dear is this about sex

oh??????

"boys suck" :(

ok this is gay sex then

"in new york you can try things" 🤝 "you can want who you want, boys and boys, and girls and girls"

i mean it was ok? she has much stronger songs on the album lyrically and musically and this one was just kind of. there lmao. not really a thing for me

skip

California

acapella intro okayyyy

oh this is sad

YOU HAVE REASONS TO STAY NOW CHAPPELL. YOU HAVE REASONS. YOUVE MADE IT.

"to think i almost had it going, but i let you down" :(

the music industry is such a fucking bitch yk

i really liked it, v v sad, but probably not my favourite favourite? still really strong track, js a lil repetitive

playlisted

Guilty Pleasure

last track lets go

the very minimal backing with all the vocal flooding is so fdlsjflks

oh never mind.

it feels kinda icdiwabh-y

yodelingcore

so that was. an experience

skip

The Album.

overall, the album had a lot lot lot of huge positives and a few little things i wasnt a fan of. it's a really strong pop album, it has everything you could expect in an album. its got diverse emotions and vibes and its got pop anthems and its got stuff to dance to and stuff to cry to and stuff you can do both to and it all flows seamlessly. there were two, three tracks i didnt fall in love with, but there were far more that i did. i absolutely applaud chappell because this album beautifully captures her struggles nad successes, a lot of which are somewhat universal for queer people. i really loved her use of crowd vocals and backing harmonies, i thought that was really beautiful, and i love how there was electronic production on acoustic instrumentation, i thought that was quite impressive and really fit this modern theme of like, the return of 80s production. i'm going to have another listen to some songs and them im going to listen to gracie abrams tsou album (which i still havent heard) so!!! if you want to see my thoughts on that, i'll post that in a few hours. also just posted my hmhas first reactions<3

[actuallycassidyiambusy]

I fear i may be as jealous as Buggy, but i dont have homicidal tendencies so i just have to deal with it (i’m single so idk why i’m like this)

I get it. I really do. Jealousy and possessiveness is a real fuckin bitch to deal with. Especially when you can't control it.

A little not so fun fact about me is I have an intense case of BPD. Now what I'm about to let you in on I in no way condone of real people and I'm not particularly proud of it. Anyone who has it can testify that it's hell.

I was a violent teen. My BPD made me overly impulsive and insanely possessive. Not just in romantic relationships, but friendships too. I developed fight response due to severe trauma. My dad never got me help because he ignored what happened to me and he liked having a "tough" kid. People around me would glorify it. "oh it's so cool you can beat the shit out of whoever you want" like no it's not fuckin cool. I can't fuckin control it and I feel like a goddamn puppet to my own disorders.

It doesn't help that I have other diagnosis' that I won't address in this post.

So, to the point. I was in the end my junior year of HS when my girlfriend at the time brought me to a bonfire her friends were having to celebrate going into our senior year. Now, this guy that I already didn't fuckin like was there and he had a major crush on my gf. He'd harass her and just tail her like some lost fuckin puppy.

I based Buggy's ex, Mia, in the fic off of this girl I dated bc she loved the attention and she loved when I'd snap. She made it worse by touching this guy and laughing at his shit jokes. I don't remember too much of what happened. Just what people tell me. I had grabbed a bat and took it to the back of this dude's head. Nobody was able to pull me off of him. Personally, I don't think anyone really tried. Apparently, I had dragged him over to the fire and had his hair in my fist. I put his face near the flames. I'm sure I said something to him, but I really can't remember. My blackouts were really bad. That boy avoided me the rest of the time we were in school. I eventually caught in to what my gf was doing and broke it off shortly before senior year ended.

I had an idea of the disorders I was dealing with before I was diagnosed, but because I was denied help, I got worse and worse. The town that I lived in at the time was small, racist and extremely homophobic. We had some shitty house next to this gravel alley. My brother is a few years younger than me and he had come out as gay. Three different boys who used to be his friends were picking on him in that back alley and I was in the back yard at the time. I'll describe what happened in my brother's words.

"you jumped the fence and immediately attacked them. You dragged them into the dirt and just went off on them. One ran off but the other two you beat until they started bleeding. You slammed one of their faces down and literally ground them into the rocks. Dad had to pull you off of them. You had blood on your face and hands."

My knuckles were busted and raw from hitting those guys. Next thing I know, I'm getting questioned by cops. I won't go into all the legal shit that went down, but I'm sure you can imagine. I've seen the inside of a cell. I know what it's like to be caged because of something I had no control over. The charges were dropped though. I embarrassed those boys and their parents even though they should have been embarrassed by their own kid's behavior.

I don't excuse my behavior. In fact, I hated the blackouts I went through because I hurt people. My jealousy and my desire to protect my friends and family spilled over into physical violence. If I hadn't gotten away from that town and my dad, I would have killed someone eventually. I know this and that's why I got help the moment I was old enough to get approved for Medicaid.

I've been on medication for my disorders for almost four years now. I still have violent thoughts and my emotions are written all over my face, but I can control it better. My impulse control has improved drastically. I've improved my relationships and even found a partner who keeps me tame. I own what I am and I know it will never fully go away. I've still gotten into altercations and I'll get in a fuckers face if they get too cocky, but I no longer fear that I'll kill someone.

What I'm saying is, it doesn't hurt to get yourself looked at. If your jealousy and possessiveness is ruining your life and keeping you from maintaining relationships, you should try to look into it. If it is something deeper but you don't like the idea of medicine, there are tons of natural ways to deal with it. Some that even I use from time to time. For me, it was way too late. Even though I hate the idea of being medicated, I know it's not just about me, but the people around me as well. I'm keeping myself and them safe.

You can be jealous of your friend's friendships with other people. You can be jealous of a significant other's friendship with other people and it really sucks. Especially when you feel like there's nothing you can do about it. Just know that no matter how bad it gets, you can talk to me. I will not judge you for a damn thing because I guarantee I have done worse while I was untreated. I'm a safe person to come to and whatever you tell me will stay with me. I'm sorry you feel so stuck and if there's anything I can do, just let me know.

I gave Buggy the same disorder in the fic because not only does it help me cope, it makes for great dark fiction. Some of the things he's done out of jealousy are thoughts that I've had myself that I've never acted on. I would never wish it on real people though. Never.