#no I’m still not an akainu fucker

[anemptypuddingcup]

“What was that you were saying about me? You think I can’t fuck those words out of you little one?”

Akainu stared down at you, his brows furrowed and his face clearly showing anger towards your statement. You trembled as he towers over your small and frail body and you begin to regret such words you even said about him. “I-I didn’t mean any of that! They we’re all just little jokes!~” You say before laughing nervously to him.

Quickly trying to scurry away from him, you quickly run from him though he was already one step ahead of you. Grabbing your oversized sweater, he lifts you up and you hang there helplessly. “You think I’m believing that? Maybe I should teach you some manners, how about that you disobedient slut.” He grits through his teeth. You eyes widens while you sit there and trembled, gulping down your saliva as he carried you away.

Even if you were afraid your body was saying otherwise, the pit of your stomach was warm and ignited with excitement.

“I said count the inches or is that too much of a task for a disobedient whore such as yourself to follow?” Akainu huffed, his hand propping his head up as he watched you sit there and struggle to lower yourself on his thick cock.

You moan out heavily, already breathless from taking in just his head while your cunt was being stretched to oblivion. “M-M’sorry~ I-I won’t s-say anything l-like that again~” You apologized, taking deep breathes after every word.

A smirk falls onto his lips as he hears you apologize but it obviously wasn’t enough to appease him.

“Take in all of my cock and I might just grant you with my forgiveness.”

This is a whole joke, I’m still not an Akainu fucker-

[cacti-are-like-flamingos]

Okay so like hi, this isn't necisarily a request but like idk feel free to do whatever

But like I'm just

Dying over the thought of Akainu being like "you walk out of that door, and I'm disowning you" and his kid is like "are... are you serious?" He nods and then the kid just gets this huge smile on theit face and are like "oh I'm not missing an opportinity like this" and they just speed out the door and Garp is just

Also dying and also already adopted the kid

Having Akainu as a dad...

i was legit just about to call it a day but this shit is just fucking hilarious

LIKE COME ON HOW CANON CAN YOU GET LMAO

anygaysss,,,

at first, having Akainu as your father wasn’t that bad at all

he cared for you, he carried you around on his shoulders or his won arms, he would spoil you --- overall, great dad

you were essentially a “daddie’s little angel” type of situation

but that was when you didn’t know what good or bad was

back when you still lived a sheltered life, one where you had never once stepped foot out of the house without surveillance from his men

back when you had yet to realize that you lived in a cage made out of gold

the first time you were made aware of it was thru, you guessed it --- Admiral Aokiji

it was just a simple pet name, one that he had often called you but you never paid mind to

“flightless little dove”

after that, you began to pay more mind to the things your father did

paying attention to the way he treated his soldiers, the complaints of said soldiers, the rumors, and even his own words

you began to question everything he’s ever taught you until, one day, when you had finally managed to leave your home without the watchful eye of your “bodyguards” did you see the truth

“I don’t give a flying fuck if those damned pirates have done good--- they’re still filthy pirates.” His voice bellowed out, much like the roar of a lion. Loud and clear. “But since you have such high sympathies for them, why don’t you go join them in Hell!” 

yeahhhh that's a big no-no in your book

after that day, you swore to make Akainu’s life a life of pure misery

you began leaking classified information to the Revolutionary Army, specifically to the blond cutie

you began to sabotage the ships and communications

you took out the staples from his staplers, moved all his shit like an inch to the left, took out all the ink from his pens 

arguments with Akainu are hella frequent bc you’ll  just say something that questions his belief and the motherfucker will just fucking explode like shit calm your self

lmao you once yelled, “AS IF I’M GOING TO BE TALKED DOWN BY A FUCKER WHO HAS A G-SPOT IN THEIR ASSHOLE”

THAT was a big no-no in his book

with every argument, you found yourself spending more time with Garp and Sengoku 

you would often be seen playing with Sengoku’s little goat, feeding it the rice crackers that you had stolen from Garp’s hidden stash

hell, you had gotten so close to Garp that he, out of the fucking nowhere, told you to come with him. Giving you no answer as to what the destination was.

can you imagine your shock when he introduced you to his youngest son THE Strawhat Luffy and his crew?

shit was wild

“they all hate your father too” Garp said. 

“huh? who’s your dad?” Luffy asked.

“Akainu.”

“oh yeah I hate him.”

“hate that fucker too.”

...

“I LIKE YOU!” (my mind is like short-circuiting rn soooo lol)

a few months pass by before Akainu finds out about your meeting with the Strawhats

now bitch we ready

we got bug out bag and everything so like you’re already on your way to Garp’s ship (you know that anime meme of like the dudes that are playing a game and all of a sudden they’re jumping out of a window? yeah that’s you)

ready to sail your merry ass away from that fucking hellhole

then this mf just comes out of the fucking nowhere and is all fucking dramatic 

"you walk out of that door, and I'm disowning you"

it’s legit the feeling of seeing what you think is your food coming towards you and it ACTUALLY IS your order 🤤

ugh the satisfaction

your ears are having orgasms of their own

"are... are you serious?” this motherfucker actually nods, a smirk on his face

this dude actually thinks that familial love will come through or something

"oh I'm not missing an opportunity like this"

his world literally shattered upon seeing that grin on your face

like

huh?

HUH ? 

👁️👄 👁️ H U H ?

and you’re literally skipping away with the giddiest smile on your face

it’s always a good day for some Akainu slander

😌😌😌

...

(A/N): This shit was mad funny to write. 

Hope you enjoyed!

[thesinisterseventh]

⏰😐😕💓 ~

⏰ - How long have you been into One Piece?

I’ve been aboard since the beginning of July of this year (2021)! It hasn’t been a long ride, but it’s been a great one! I’m almost done with post-Marineford at the time of this post.

😐 - Most annoying character?

THAT SPHERE FUCKER FROM SKYPIEA. I DON’T CARE ABOUT HIS NAME I JUST HATE HIM

😕 - Scariest character?

No one’s really SCARED me that bad... but I’ll say Akainu because I know some military dads that are just LIKE THAT.

💓 - Which character do you relate to the most?

I relate to pre-timeskip Usopp a lot. Feeling like a failure, like I’ll never catch up to my friends, like I’m just stuck in one big game of pretend and STILL losing... y’know. I feel that.