#no but i thought i was going to hate volume 9 when i heard them telling the story outside of vale

[kitkatopinions]

Wow, that might've been my least favorite rwby episode ever. Warning for discussions of suicide ahead, as well as spoilers for rwby volume 9 ep... 10, I think?

So let's start out with the elephant in the room... This is a bad and legit harmful way to portray suicidal thoughts. "If you hate being yourself and you don't want to be you anymore, good news, you can choose to drink poison on purpose and then you will no longer be you, you will instead ascend to come back better, doesn't that sound nice? Your loved ones won't even be that upset! They'll respect your choice to end who you are, because technically you won't be completely gone, you'll just be an entirely new different person!" THAT IS SO HARMFUL. No, that isn't how any of this works! If the rwby writers wanted 'drinking the tea' and 'going to the tree' to be representative of just going through natural change, they shouldn't have had Ruby tortured into feeling like shit and hating herself so much she wants who she is to be gone, and they shouldn't have had the Red King be sooo drastically different for the worse and being an entirely different person. If they didn't want to take the themes of suicide seriously, they shouldn't have written them into the damn story. If they wanted it to just be natural change and growth, they shouldn't have left everyone in the dark on what ascension even was and they should have made sure we as an audience and the other characters knew that Ruby was confident going into the change that was entirely her own decision and we all knew wouldn't hurt her, instead of the exact opposite. "Oh but that destroys the tension-" Give us other tension then. We didn't need 'Ruby is suicidal' this season, nobody asked for that, we could've gotten other tension that would be more well done without this hanging over the episode. It's so bad, you guys.

NEXT COMPLAINT: Yang, Weiss, Blake, and even Jaune had such a non-reaction to the situation with Ruby and it isn't even funny! Let's be clear, Ruby just exploded at everyone and basically said that she didn't feel like people cared about her or what she goes through, Jaune then screamed in her face that she's at fault for all the bad stuff that's happened lately, and she ran off on her own in tears. Then they heard the sounds of fighting and ran to see a giant big house and Neo standing over Ruby beaten and bloodied on the floor, with a glass of tea Neo is clearly trying to get her to drink and Little dead nearby. Ruby picks up the cup and looks at them for like fifteen full seconds, and then when she drinks it, she gets sucked into the ground. The cat then starts freaking out angry that's she's ascended - something that they don't know is a good thing and might mean death for Ruby and something they don't know the affect of in humans like them - the cat goes super evil just like Jaune said (remember that them doubting Jaune contributed to them thinking he didn't know what he was talking about in regards to the Tree.) And then when we see WBY, they're completely quiet and look pretty unconcerned while Jaune rants about how he's gone wrong, and then Weiss gives him a smiling peptalk. They then see that the Paper Pleasers are back in a new form and apparently them trying to destroy their bodies was a good thing after all, so then everyone is happy and smiley and hugging. They don't need to have a conversation about what this means for Ruby! They don't need to have a conversation about the moral question of sacrificing someone's memories and personalities in exchange for a better body (Penny, anyone? Anyone remember Penny?) they don't even have to ask themselves if the people of the Ever After being made for a purpose they can't change and having to 'get reborn' in pursuit of that is something they should be worried about or fighting or even a little uncertain of the moral implications there! Without even having to say it, they all now know that in the Ever After, people getting killed is a good thing pretty much so long as it isn't by Jabberwalker, because they'll come back better. I hate all of that so much. But it leads me to my next point.

Yang sees Ruby frozen as a tree as she waits to ascend, and is like upset. Enough to make me go "oh look, Yang's acting only a bit less upset than Bugs Bunny when his house was on fire." Enough to make me go "okay this is a bit more concern than my coworker showed to me when I said my grandma died." So... Points for that, I guess? Yang acts upset at seeing her little sister awaiting ascension. Jaune says that the reason they were able to be brought to the Tree is because of acceptance and Weiss follows it up with "we've done everything we can. Now it's up to Ruby." And it's like babydoll, you guys did almost nothing. Like Weiss at least tried to talk to her seriously, but Blake and Yang kind of just pretended like she wasn't going through things and shut her down and said she was like Ironwood when she expressed frustration, and Jaune got in her face and yelled that she was at fault for everything including Neo hating her and the Paper Pleasers trying to off themselves. So.... That was all you guys could do?

"Whatever happens next," Weiss continues. "We have to welcome that." "But what if she isn't Ruby anymore when she comes back out?" Yang asks, expressing the first bit of real concern over the question of Ruby losing herself. Then Blake pipes up "Maybe... That's not up to us to decide." EXCEPT RUBY WAS LITERALLY TORMENTED INTO MAKING THAT CHOICE! This show is acting like WBY are Ruby's parents and she just said she wants to be an ice skater instead of going to Harvard, like "well we want to accept you for who you decide to be no matter what." Folks, Neo was literally kicking Ruby around having her friends tell her she sucked and should disappear after turmoil in which she was like "I've been made to feel like I suck and I want to disappear" and now it's "nnnnnoooooo guys, it's not a bad thing that Ruby was beat up by someone telling her to off herself and then she did, no this is just the coming-of-age miracle of change like we're watching Inside Out." This doesn't feel like something wanted..... Because she was fricking beat and bullied into it by a villain playing on her worst insecurities. Like guys, this is not that hard! This is such a bad episode.

Some less serious complaints!

I still hate the Neo-Cat thing. It's not good, at all. Neo's body apparently can't go back to Remnant because she has no ties there and no drive to get back and I am once again asking why Neo wants zero revenge on Cinder and Salem. The writers, is the only reason I can think of, they make her not realize Cinder and Salem are at fault because they don't want her to, that's it. Anyway, I was laughing and cringing so hard at the fact that they gave my girl Sonic Unleashed Werehog arms.

I know they were hardcore trying to go horror-Soul-Eater-style route with things like that and the zombie-Ruby's, but to me it just looked cringey.

Ruby recognizing "I just wanted to do the right thing, but every step of the way, it's like there is no right thing" is honestly just frustrating in a show that has seemed to try its darnedest to make everything out like a black-and-white easy right side and a wrong side situation - even in smaller interpersonal conflicts.

Also, Jaune beating 'the cat in Neo's body' makes me upset. I seriously wish I never had to see Jaune ever again. I'm sorry about the fact that they're still focusing more on his trauma than on anyone else's. Yang gets confronted with lurching zombies versions of the little sister she just watched try to kill herself and she's just like -_- But then Jaune gets Penny and Pyrrha used against him and that pain gets treated a bit more important.

Weiss reacts more to accidentally blasting Jaune than any of the girls reacted to Ruby drinking the tea, or running off crying. (Also I hate hate hate the Weiss Jaune content recently tbh if it leads to a romance I'll just

Anyways, no praise today, just complaints. Ranking this episode a 1/10. This is the worst season so far, so let's see if the last episode can make it.... Slightly better.

[itsclydebitches]

Hey so I don't wanna obsess over tiny details in RWBY but like. what was the point of having Penny call out to Ruby at the beginning of episode 1? We never SEE Penny, we only see Neo's illusions of her that were used to emotionally and mentally torture Ruby. Why was that a detail they included if there wasn't going to be any payoff for it?

For me personally, this is made worse by the fact that I didn't even know it was Penny. I wasn't able to identify the voice - I think I originally leaned towards Yang, or hearing Summer for the first time - and I didn't realize it was Penny until another poster mentioned her name being there in the script. Which, you know, could 100% just be a me problem, but there's definitely no payoff if you don't even know what character is meant to be haunting our protagonist.

Looking at Volume 9 as a whole, that detail feels like a miniature version of the sword issue: they introduced this reference to Penny (call out/finding sword), had Ruby get emotional about it (gasp/crying), and then tossed it aside without ever looking back (Ruby never brings up hearing Penny/the Prince trashes the sword and Ruby doesn't care enough to take action). There are so many ways that both of these ideas could have actually led to something. What if the Ever After was aligned with the afterlife, rather than Neo getting an over-powered semblance? What if Penny's sword was an option from the Blacksmith that Ruby chose? What if she heard Penny talking to her throughout the whole Volume, a kind of psychological haunting? What if Penny was the only one Neo crafted, making Ruby's grief over her death the undeniable cornerstone of drinking the tea? As it stands, both ideas just... peter out. Actually no, "peter out" is a gradual end whereas here nothing ever comes of these ideas in the first place, or they're bluntly abandoned. Honestly, stuff like this is included with no payoff because RT doesn't know what they want out of their story and, when they do know, they don't understand how to bring that to fruition. Is Ruby grieving over Penny? Their loss in Atlas? Freaking out over how she can't beat Salem? Does she want to be in charge? Does she also hate being "forced" to be in charge? Is she missing her mom? Does she even remember her mom? Is she frustrated with her team? With Jaune? Does she know Jaune killed Penny? Does she have thoughts on her sister starting to date? Are we exploring her relationship with Neo? Or with Ironwood? Ozpin? The 4+ other characters in that scene? Herself?

RWBY throws out idea after idea after idea after idea and none of them amount to anything because this show is the storytelling equivalent of Whac-a-Mole: a cool concept pops out and the writers immediate whack it back down into the void. Penny is not a part of the finale. The girls don't unpack their loss in Atlas. Conversation about Salem is dismissed. We don't acknowledge that Ruby demanded this power for herself. She doesn't want to be leader, but comes out of the tree a perfect leader once more. She's angry with Summer for lying and then that's instantly pushed aside. Magic gives her the most generic 'I love you' memory ever and that cures her deep depression. We don't need to work through Ruby's team failing her because, again, magic tree and mom memories somehow fix everything. We don't know if she ever learned the truth about Jaune. There's no reflection on all the people who have died. "I don't want to be Ruby Rose anymore" is just a dramatic, narrative clickbait that was never going anywhere.

Why did a phantom Penny cry out for Ruby at the start of the Volume? Because the writers knew that would catch the attention of a lot of viewers and, frankly, that's all they need. Most of the fanbase isn't interested in a cohesive story, just a revolving door of fan favorites and sandbox ideas. So for the record, I personally don't think that's just a "tiny detail," with the implication that it's also insignificant. Moments like that are representative of how RWBY's writing has continually failed since Volume 5.

[railingsofsorrow]

𝙾𝙲𝚃. 6𝚝𝚑; 𝖘𝖕𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖗 𝖗.

summary: spencer's letter.

pairing: spencer reid x oc!iris valentia 

w.c: 694

warnings/content: a case is mentioned superficially; bird talk; bookworms geeking; fluff.

navi

masterpost

series masterlist

[letter 1] [letter 2] [letter 3] [letter 4] [letter 5] [letter 6] [letter 7] [letter 8] [letter 9]  

October 6st.

Dear, Iris.

Please, call me Spencer.

You said you'd prefer that I drop the honorific, then I'd rather you do it as well. And you are not intruding in any way, if anything, I am, because I asked you to talk about yourself first. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable or pressured? I am sorry if I have.

I knew someone that really liked birds once, he knew every species at the tip of his tongue. I guess you two would've gotten along.

Did you know that the Garrulax courtoisi is an endangered species? It was rediscovered in 2000 at Wuyuan, China, but it remains rare till this day. It is really close to extinction, at least in the wild life.

That is a... good question. I would like to be an owl, mainly because of their binocular sight much like ours. It would be interesting, in my point of view. I had never thought about this before.

Are you curious about me? I don't believe I have much aspects about myself that you'd find interesting. I do relate to some things you said. I hate loud noises as well, but I guess, I hate crowded places more. These two pet peeves often overlap each other; in my line of work, I have to speak and face lots of people, which makes me anxious.

According to Dr. Jerry Bubrick, a senior psychologist at the Child Mind Institute Anxiety Disorder Center, when kids are excited they are similar to a dog wagging its tail, but they naturally get louder as the excitement kicks in. Also, children don't know how to modulate their volume, that means that even if they are yelling, they might not notice it, although the parent does. My godson does that a lot, so I know what you mean. When he gets too excited, he runs to whoever he's closest to and throws his arms around them. It's endearing.

Oh, yes. I am rather fond of literature. I think Murakami's writing is brilliant but I've only ever read Nowergian Wood, I'll make sure to read The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle next. My usual reading choice is horror, I'd say Edgar Allan Poe's poem “The Tell-Tale Heart” made me fall in love with literature. I've read it for the first time when I was ten years old, it was one of my mother's books that she'd keep really high on the shelf so I wouldn't read it. I stole it and read it anyway. (Technically I did not steal it, it was still in the house, I just left it in my room) I was captivated by Poe's gruesome details and the way he mixes emotions in the narrative. As for a novel, it would be The Romance of the Forest by Ann Radcliffe. She's also an amazing author from gothic literature. Have you ever heard of or read any of these two?

Oh, my day only starts after I've had my coffee as well! I can't function properly without it. I hate plain coffee, it has to have at least five spoons of sugar or I can't swallow — no offense to you, of course, but I don't think sweeteners ruin the taste, it makes it better.

Regarding the Nevada case, it was... eventful. I thought we wouldn't be able to reach a good solution in time but, we did. As good as one sees, at least. It was a hard case which did not bring back good memories. But I won't fill your busy hours with irrelevant venting. How is your week going? Are you still picking up extra shifts at work? I hope you don't forget to take care of yourself meanwhile.

Please don't.

Ps: I'm sure your hair looks beautiful even on “bad hair days” — I've learned this term recently through a friend, I hope I used it right.

Best regards,

Spencer R.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

taglist: @lilyviolets

[sabineelectricheart]

Blunder at the Farmers' Market

Summary: The moms send Jamie and Baxter to the market for some groceries. She gets distracted and makes a rather humiliating mistake.

Rating: K+ - Suitable for more mature childen, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes.

Words: 2200

Notes: I’m changing my mind on Baxter. I’m kind of looking forward for his DLC, though I got some spoilers and I didn’t like what I’ve heard. Oh, well...

It was a nice, Saturday morning. Just perfect for a stroll at the farmer’s market, which the moms made sure to send out their youngest daughter to run that errand for them.

Luckily for Jamie, who hates driving, one of their neighbours also had half a mind to go out for some grocery shopping just as she was leaving. Not Cove, though, who was out in Nevada helping out his mother, Baxter was the one in need of some restocking to his fridge. He told her that he was glad to drive her if she was so kind to point him on the right direction and tell him the better stands over there.

Instead of the usual “divide and conquer”, they preferred to walk together, tackling neighbouring vendors at the time, with one ordering them for both households, electing to run the tally when they get home, for convenience. The young man had a small cart in which they could ferry their purchases without too much effort, and, should they elect to pack them separately, they might not fit too comfortably on the inconveniently-sleek car of his.

Jamie shifted her weight between her feet, as she starts to grow tired from walking, while she waits for the honey seller to finish packing up the jars she ordered. She twirled a pen on her fingers, she used it to mark down the price and volume of each purchase, making sure she both does not forget anything nor ends up short when settling with her neighbour.

After a few minutes, the middle-aged woman hands her the paper bag with a commercial smile.

“Will you and your husband be needing anything else?” The attendant asks, helpfully.

Husband. The word stops her heart and her movements. That was one big assumption to make about an admittedly-precocious nineteen-year-old and her twenty-one-year-old companion, but one not entirely unwelcome or unwarranted.

They had been involved over his time at Sunset Bird, and it would be fair to say that the thought of Baxter adorning such a title, as her husband or even something more casual, such a boyfriend or a date, has been in her mind as of late. It has been a while since she figured out that she had a bit of a preference towards him, a very strong preference, though the words have never been spoken out loud until now. A shame neither of them were the one to do it.

It was certainly something she could get used to.

“This should be it, thank you.” The girl responded.

Gripping the pen in her hand tighter, with a smile she could not suppress even if she tried her hardest, she returns to writing down the last of the items she was supposed to be ordering for her neighbour, as he remains busy talking with another merchant. They are mostly done, and could probably sit down for an early lunch as soon as he was done haggling the price of eggplants with the old man running the stall.

A sense of boredom takes over her mind. She leans on the small cart, filled to the brim with bags and boxes, and begins to doodle on the tiny notebook on her hands.

Soon, she finds herself signing a name. Jamie Ward. It has a sound to it.

Her heart flutters and her whole chest blossoms with warmth as she writes her name followed by a surname that did not belong to her. She stares at the letters on her own cursive and finds it quite fetching.

How perfect his name looks with hers. Someday, would that really be her name?

Oh, well, this is not something she really ought to be concerned with as of right now. Eggplants should take precedence on her mind. That, however, is a most boring topic, so she turns the page on her notebook and starts doodling once again.

Some three minutes or so later, Baxter finishes his conversation with the vendor and walks back to where his neighbour waited for him.

“Hey. Sorry for taking so long.” He greeted, cheery.

“Don’t worry. I’m glad you get such low prices on everything. I get to keep the change, you know?” She smiled in return. It was then she realises he was still empty-handed. “Where are the eggplants?”

“Ah, I got 75% off them, but only if I took the ones they thought they wouldn’t be able to sell. They got to pick them up from the truck, so it’s going to take a few more minutes.” He explains, rather sheepish, embarrassing for having a lady wait for him on the sun. “Can I have a piece of paper, please? To write down the order.”

“Sure.” She turned a page on the notebook, ripped it off and handed it to him.

“Sorry again for taking so long. Would you like to go ahead to the car? I can give you the key.” He offers.

The girl shakes her head. “No, no, it’s no problem for me. I’m just going to stand here for a little while longer, people-watching and doodling. Don’t worry.”

“OK, then. I shouldn’t take too much longer.” He said and walked off, back to the stand.

With Baxter still preoccupied with his discount eggplants, she decides to have a look around the neighbouring stands. A few storefronts down, a couple of local New Age communes were selling their products. It is filled with jewellery, crystals, books and other odds and ends, as well as a few cookie recipes that lacked flour, milk, eggs and just about anything that she would consider necessary to define something as such.

Jamie smiled. That is the fun about the farmer’s market, you never know what you are going to find. With the odd list of items her neighbour asked for, it is no wonder that they had to come here, even if it was a good few ways out Sunset Bird. She chalked up to his privileged upbringing.

As the young woman walks around and checks the merchandise at the stands, the little cart pulled behind her, she ends up hanging around her paramour as he impatiently waits for his produce. His conversation with the vendor had long ended and, as she stands closer, his arm snakes around her shoulders.

He pulls her closer and kisses the top of her head. “Are you too tired, Jamie?”

The sound of his voice, the small smile on his face that he often wears when speaking to her, pulls her in like a moth to a flame. She lets her hand lay on the other side of his hip, enjoying the soft heat he radiates warming the tips of her fingers. She is unable to not get lost in his eyes when they stare at her so softly and lovingly.

How Jamie become so lucky to receive such devoted, gentle love, she will never know, but she would always accept it for as long as Baxter was willing to give it to her.

She smiled bashfully. “Well, I wouldn’t say no to some lunch.”

“It shouldn’t take much longer now. Where would you like to eat?”

“Ah, nothing too heavy nor too hot. The sun is making me dizzy.” She complained lightly.

He smirked at her. “You really should’ve taken Liz’s hat when she offered it to you.”

The young woman made a grimace. “It’s too big! I’d look ridiculous on it.”

“Well, have some water if you feel sick, alright?” He offered, slightly concerned about her health. “Did you see anything…?”

His words are cut off by the merchant that helped him before. “Mrs. Ward? Here you are.”

Her arm is barely touching his, but even through such little contact, she can feel him stiffen the moment both of them hear the name listed on the order.

The older man carried a paper bag with a note stapled on the flap, written on the notebook sheet she had given Baxter a few minutes prior. On it, on a bold blue ink, was her practice signature.

Jamie Ward

A moment of silence falls between them as they try to wrap their heads around the situation. Embarrassment fill both of them.

“Ah, yes.” He tears his attention away from her and reaches for the paper bag the vendor has handed him. “Thank you.”

The vendor looks at them concernedly, likely predicting another round of haggling from the cost-conscious young man. “Does everything look okay with your order?”

The question goes unanswered for quite a while and she swears that the only noise in the whole market is the erratic beating of her heart as she watches her date’s porcelain skin burn red and brighter than the shirt on her back, from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. He seems so shocked he cannot even find it in himself to try to cover his blushing cheeks like he normally would and her own cheeks are not any better.

Should Jamie just run away in embarrassment and hope he does not question her about it later? She would not be able to carry all the produce on the bus back to Sunset Bird, but she does not think her neighbour would just keep them, likely handing them over to her mothers. What if he is not okay with this? They have not discussed how it is going to be between them after the summer, lest of all something so big like marriage. What if he is not ready and she has seriously overstepped some boundaries? Well, overstep she absolutely did. The question now is by how much.

The longer Baxter stays silent, his ember eyes glued to the paper in his hands, the worse her anxieties grow.

Well, maybe Jamie should just take it lighter. It might be just her brain talking over her heart that is making her worried, all for naught. There is no doubt of his love and devotion in her heart or his own and, even though he is not saying anything at this moment, the beating heart in his chest is screaming in excitement, even if his face expressed clear surprise, not that she can really blame him. He had not excepted it and it can naturally send him through a whirlwind of emotions that are very hard to comprehend. She should just wait until he could express them to her privately and own up to her little mistake.

She is right that there is a whirlwind of emotion going through his heart, though not those that she expected. He has known for a long time that he wanted her to be his forever and that he would be quite happy to pursue whatever this is to its logical conclusions, whatever those may be. He is beyond grateful for the patience she has shown him until this point, with his flirty and flighty behaviour and skittish demeanour.

However, it does not mean that the idea was in any way pleasant to him. He appreciated being together, being “couple-y”, but he understands that this is not to last. He is selfish and he wants to take as much as he can get, but when Labour Day comes, he will leave California and forget all about these people, no matter how he feels about them.

If he was a good person, he would avoid them at all costs, behave like the ghost he hopes to be, but he is not good. He is bad, and so he pretends he means to stay, that he intends to be true to his feelings and his promises. Seeing Jamie believe in him makes it more real to him, it reminds him of what he is doing, and it hurts.

Even if it took him a while to open up, he feels that, ever since their dance at the country club so many years ago, his heart has always belonged to her, everything that was Baxter Ward was hers. Seeing his surname signed on her adorably round handwrit like it belonged to her only makes him think he has been foolish to think that he could just disappear from her life and leave nothing behind. If he wanted to have just a casual summer fling, he should really have picked someone else.

The air around them is almost uncomfortably hot, both of their blushes burning brightly on their skin. Jamie needed to break the tension before they both combust in a flame of awkwardness but, the moment she perks up to speak his name and ask him if he is alright, he clears his throat and finally answers the merchant.

“Yes, everything seems to be in order. Thank you.” The young man responds, an easy smile on his face.

His voice had that charming lilt as it normally had, even though his cheeks are still tinted a lovely shade of red and his lips are tugged into a usually unseen sincere smile. His free hand finds hers, long fingers slipping between the spaces of her own and squeezing tenderly.

“Come on, Mrs. Ward. Let’s grab some lunch.” He says, teasingly.

She rises to the occasion. “Lead the way, darling.”

Jamie and Baxter leave the market hand in hand.

*_*_*_*_*

Our Life Masterlist

[do-notfolow]

My thoughts on Midnights after the first day of listening

I listened to the album 3 times before gathering my thoughts. First, when it came out. I wanted to immediately write my thoughts like I always do, but, honestly, I couldn't process this album. I listened to it again while making breakfast and came to the conclusion this album is perfect to listen to on full volume while moving around and dancing. I finally managed to rank it on the third listen while taking a stroll. It's so different than anything she's ever done, I don't why I'm so shocked by it.

Anyway, here are my thoughts on every track:

1. Lavender Haze

I love that the opening line is "meet me midnight." same vibes as Lover ending "you gotta step into the daylight and let it go" My first thought when hearing it was that it sounds like a Bleachers song (and I'm here for it). On the second listen, I realized this song is very fun to dance to. I get why people said it reminds them of I Think He Knows.

2. Maroon

Taylor showing off her storytelling skills again. No one knows how to paint a mental picture like she does. Really love the way her voice kind of dips in the chorus. My goal for next year would be to sing the chorus without losing my breath. I have more thoughts on this song and I hope to maybe analyse it more and dedicate an entire post to it.

3. Anti Hero

I get why it's the lead single. This is a fantastic song, time to add it to my depression playlist. "When my depression works the graveyard shift, all of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room" WHO WRITES THAT. I have no idea what the second verse means, but I love the chorus and the bridge is hilarious.

4. Snow On The Beach

Sounds very christmas-y. Kind of disappointed that Lana's only doing vocals. It's a grower. I realized on the third listen it's such a Pynch song.

5. You're On Your Own, Kid

THE BRIDGE??? "I hosted parties and starved my body like I'd be saved by a perfect kiss" screaming, crying, throwing up. Top 3 songs in the album.

6. Midnight Rain

I like the lyrics in the chorus but I don't really like that deep, computer-like voice. The rest of the song is great. "He was sunshine, I was midnight rain" love this!

7. Question...?

OUT OF THE WOODS. Okay, I really like this one. I like the story, I like the beat. "Aaand riiiiiighttttt but toniiiiiight." The clapping 💀. I hope she performs it on tour, I think it'll be very fun.

8. Vigliante Shit

"Draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man" what an opening line. She sounds so sexy, god.

9. Bejeweled

Very shiny song. The way she says "baby love"... oh, God. Really love how she goes from "I'm the worst person on earth" to "I will fucking destory your life" to "I'm the hottest thing around" mood tbh.

10. Labryinth

Her voice!!!!!! Kind of obsessed with the way she sings "oh no, I'm falling in love again" her voice is so soothing. "You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back just like that" ok, this hurts.

11. Karma

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!! "Karma is a cat purring on my lap 'cause it loves me" most Taylor lyric I've ever heard. The karma is the happiness she found despite the world trying to tear her down and I'm here for it.

12. Sweet Nothing

I wish I knew what it's like to be loved. I like the opening. "They said the end is near" -> "Hush, I know they said the end is near"

13. Mastermind

"What if I told you I'm a mastermind" we knew that, Taylor. This is the opposite of invisible string. "Fate brought us together 🥰🥰....actually, it didn't. I planned it all with my (very) sexy mind 😈😄" The bridge hurts.

@taylorswift @taylornation

[operationbigskye]

Danny Boy missing scene

It’s been ten years, but One Tree Hill lives on in my heart. I just finished season 9, and I can’t get out of my head that there’s no way Lucas and Peyton didn’t come back to Tree Hill after Nathan was rescued. Sure the writers played it off by having Deb bring the kids to the hospital, but are we to believe that A) Lucas and Peyton sent a ten year old and toddler on a plane alone?! Or B) Deb flew to and from wherever the hell they lived in the timely manner suggested?! Anyway, enough of my rant, in my mind Leyton brought Jamie and Lydia back to Tree Hill and planned to see Naley the next day. I miss them so much 😩

🌳 🌳 🌳

Lucas had never been so relieved to get a phone call after midnight. He and his wife had been awoken by his cell phone on full volume around 1 am. Each night since he had brought Jamie and Lydia back from the airport, Lucas had forgone switching his phone to silent mode before going to bed, not wanting to miss news about Nathan at any hour of the day.

Lucas had jolted upright in bed and put the phone on speaker as Peyton, blearily rubbing sleep from her eyes, listened in on Haley’s tearful ecstasy that Nathan was safe and sound. Peyton had tightly gripped his hand when a familiar voice then said, “Hey, big brother.”

Next thing they knew, the couple was waking the three children and frantically searching for the next direct flight to New Brunswick County Airport. As luck would have it, the next one was leaving within the hour. Jamie was instantly awake and alert, Lydia had almost immediately fallen back asleep in her carrier, and Sawyer clung to her mother in a state of conscious somewhere between that of her two cousins. Lucas had been proud of his daughter, who rarely complained and adjusted to this temporary new normal. He was also eternally grateful to his wife, who insisted over and over again that she was more than happy to give their nephew and niece a save haven during this impossible time.

Deb had met the five of them at the airport, and as much as Lucas and Peyton wanted to race to the hospital with them, they had decided to let the kids and Haley have Nathan to themselves for the night. Thankfully, they had Karen’s unoccupied house to spend the night and planned to welcome their brother back the following morning once the dust had settled.

Right after they had settled Sawyer in his old bedroom, Lucas once again saw his best friend’s name pop up on his phone. Feeling a sense of panic that something bad had happened again, Lucas answered on the first ring. It was indeed bad news, but not the type Lucas had been worried about.

After hanging up with Haley, Lucas lifted his head to find Peyton appeared in the doorway with two mugs of chamomile tea. They were all riding an adrenaline high, and Peyton had decided they needed something to help turn their brains off even for a few hours so as to be present the next day. As soon as she saw her husband’s face, her brow furrowed with concern. She had always been able to read him like a book.

“Luke?” Peyton didn’t even need to ask if something was wrong; she already knew.

Lucas cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “That was Haley. She said, uh…Dan got shot, and the doctors don’t think he’ll make it through the night.”

Lucas hated that they had been riding the high over Nathan’s safe return until this very moment. Irrational as it sounded in his own head, he once again couldn’t help but feel hatred and resentment toward his so-called father for overshadowing yet another joyous moment. As if knowing Lucas’ very thoughts, Peyton set the mugs on the nightstand and sat down next to him on the bed.

And you…don’t want to go say goodbye.” Again, Peyton didn’t ask the question to which she knew the answer.

“I can’t.” Lucas barely heard his own voice.

Peyton took a deep breath and took both his hands in hers. “Okay…remember that I love you more than words, Lucas Scott. But I’m gonna say something, and if it doesn’t change your mind, I will never speak of it again. I love and support you one-hundred percent, whatever you decide. Okay?”

Lucas met her eyes. “Okay.” Although the word came out tentatively, he trusted this woman with his life, and sensed he was about to hear something he needed even if he didn’t necessarily want to.

“So I’m just worried that if you don’t make some sort of peace with Dan, whatever that looks like, there will literally never be another chance and you’ll always wonder about it. And I’m also scared that you’ll carry this heaviness in your heart that could be lightened if you did face him one last time. Mark my words, I don’t want you to consider it for Dans sake, I only cares about yours.”

Lucas squeezed their joined hands. “I hear you. I really do, and I love you for it. But…that heaviness you’re talking about…knowing that he brought Nathan home to his family, and has literally given his life for it…that’s helped. Saving Nathan’s life is literally the least he could have done, and I am grateful for it. But I just don’t think he deserves to hear that, not from me. I truly don’t feel I owe him that.”

Peyton nodded and brought her hand to cup his face. “As I said, I love and support you one-hundred percent.”

Lucas kissed her palm, and drew her close so they were laying on the bed facing each other. “I love you too, Peyton Scott. Let’s get some sleep and go see our family tomorrow.” His hand drifted to the tiny bulge on her stomach.

They would wait so as not to steal thunder with their own family news, which included but was not limited to one Keith Nathan Scott’s arrival into the world five months from now. Soon the whole family would know that they were coming home to Tree Hill again anyway.

[nathank77]

4/9/24

7:18 p.m

I passed out around maybe 8 a.m potentially earlier. On the half MG without anything else.

I probably woke up about 4-6 times but I kept my eyes closed and I heard weird hallucinations like screaming or laughing-thats how I know I am about to fall back to sleep........ it's all the same volume but I can still make out what I hear. A scream is still the same volume as a whisper.. but yea I kept my eyes closed despite needing to pee cause I knew I was done for bc of those extra hallucinations.... I don't hear those during the day.

I woke up at 4:45 p.m..... my HSV2 inhibitor test and gonorrhea/chlamydia urine test was today at 4:40 p.m..... I ran out the door... drove to Quest, it's close... thankfully I had an extra pair of glasses in my backpack... I didnt have time to grab my glasses out of my case on my desk before I ran to Quest bc I really wanted to get it done. So this is one of those time where the whole having spare pairs of glasses is really helpful.. they saved my ability to be able to see when I was driving.

Luckily Quest did the tests..... I hate circadian rhythm disorder... I didn't want to open my eyes, I usually wake up to my alarm and I didn't this time. Back before I had psychosis I didn't wake up to my alarms but since Xanax I've been waking up to them almost everyday... when I opened my eyes I truly thought it was like 3 p.m... bc my alarm was set to 3:30 p.m.

My hallucination really is, "happy birthday," "I've got a birthday present," "that's the depressing part," and hearing my own thoughts being repeated which is maddening. I'm starting to regret aligning with it bc it makes it hard to say listen to a song/tv while thinking something out like what I got to do to today, etc... even without other types of chatter..

Anyways I await the results. I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea. I know that hsv2 test was a false positive, yet I'm still worried..

I hit CVS, and then took a shower. I'm home now writing. I have an appt with apple later about my phone number bc it's associated with another account.

I was going to check out some Eyewear places near me but of course with my circadian rhythm disorder, and the time frames its impossible. Maybe I'll start with lens crafters on Saturday and then next week my schedule is less busy and maybe I can make it work.

I'm anxious about oversleeping tomorrow bc of my T-Shot... at 3:45 p.m... I'm so sick of being tied down to this appt every other week. It can't be later than that.... if I could do it myself or have my gf/family/ or anyone reliable do it, I would have significantly less obligations to fulfill every single month. I mean it's a fucking chore. This month alone in total its 3 appts..... it's actually really a huge source of stress. If I could do it myself or have someone else to do it, well I would have had 2 ultrasounds this month, 2 Quest appts, and one dentist appt...

Anyways, maybe I'll game later. Maybe I'll just stare at the TV mindlessly. I got to take a 1MG tonight/tomorrow at like 4:30 a.m so hopefully I can fall asleep earlier and get 7 hours and wake up before 3 p.m.....

I have that stupid dentist appt bc the doctor couldn't see me the day of the cleaning on Friday... I might just cancel and reschedule I need down time. All these optical centers near me close at like fucking 5-6......... it would be cool to be able to swing by a few. They are close together. Maybe I really will reschedule cause like if I go to the dentist, I expect to get my teeth cleaned and see the doctor that same day and only come back if they find a problem...

I still have my ultrasound next Wednesday at 4 p.m on my lower region. I'm worried about that... making the appt. Then them finding something... despite their being no reason for me to think they'll find something.

I just feel like between circadian rhythm disorder, sleep issues, the voice always screaming to get my attention. My constant auditory hallucination forcing me to drown it out and my ocd always being there forcing me to make rules, avoid things, my life is so stressful.

I got my refund back and I can afford glasses. How can I fit going to a few stores locally into my schedule when I'm always going to the doctors and oversleeping...

I have my disability appointment on the 16th at 1:30... idk if I'm just going to reschedule it, maybe I'll take 1 mg and try to make it so the damn thing gets off my fucking to do list and I get my fucking back pay. I'll feel like fucking shit...

Beyond that my arm still hurts from my fall. The x-ray came back clean. I waited until my doctors appt and had her send me in a MRI... it got denied so I sent in the appeal paperwork...

But yea I'm trying hard to stay on the ball, everything is counting against me.

I thought something, what if Elise brings up brendan if I ever run into her. Well if she excessively brings up their plans. I'll assume she's happily married and I will be happy for her but I'll have to cope with that potential of us being together not ever happening.

If she brings up he is with the girls I'll assume nothing. If she says they talked about divorce I'll just listen and say I'm sorry. My jaw might drop a little. That's what I'd do..

Although I don't expect her to show up Saturday. I hope she does.

[indigo474]

Flowers

I bought myself flowers last weekend. I will continue to by myself flowers. I bought Madison flowers today... I do not want her to be impressed by a man that buys her flowers- that's the bare minimum. I felt like crap the past 10 days or so.. in my head I think I think i think it's hormonal- it IS hormonal and I am not sure why it takes me so long to realize what is going on. The anxiety- the anxiety is horrible and what gets me. I am doing everything I can to be healthy -mind body and spirit- I am controlling what I can control- I get so frustrated. I did what any rational person would do- I added more supplements. I got my period today- exactly a month after I last had it- I feel better but for how long?

Today was the flower show- originally Marci wanted to get there at 10- we were seeing a show at 7 and I felt 10 was too early so we agreed I would get to her house at 10 to be at the flower show at 11. Somehow, in my head, I thought I was supposed to leave my house at 10, I only realized when I texted her to send he her address - when I arrived 40 minutes late, she was angry. what I heard her say was you ruined the whole day - she didn't actually say that.. she said, in a bitchy tone, that we would have to pay $100 for parking because the garages would be full and we weren't going to have enough time and she said I already pushed back the time for you. I busted out crying. I apologized .. I didn't mean to do it - it was an awkward way to start the day. i'm convinced we are all children - she sounded like a child have a temper tantrum, and I am sure I sound like a child with my crying and over apologizing. the flower show was nice and the comedy show was funny and all's well that blah blah blah. I felt like I had to defend my choice to not have a drink with dinner - a glass of wine would make you feel better - it really wouldn't make me feel better - are you sure? Just one glass - by the time we get to the show, you won't even feel it. I'm sure my body doesn't tolerate alcohol. if we were talking about any other drug, there wouldn't even be a conversation.. if I wanted a drink, I would order a drink. I don't need people telling me I should drink because THEY want to drink and have some rule where they don't drink alone

And there is MAdison who starts crying the other night telling me she doesn't want me to die. she asks me what I want for my birthday and all I really want is cake.. not a vegan cake that tastes like apple sauce or bananas - a real cake- I cant think of any thing I want that can be purchased from a store-other than a cake... the things I really want money cant buy.

I didn't have a PR this week. I wasn't feeling strong- I think its hormonal- I did volume and James tells me its a volume pr- sometimes I think he makes stuff up- is that a thing? I have no idea.. 205x5x3. he has me doing some sort of Nordic something- i hate them, almost as much as I have slit squats, almost. I'm seeing him monday- I was told I now have to work Monday 9-6- so, I'm gonna see him afterwards. i'm hoping to get in a run tomorrow.

[kosmosguk]

Lineage (M) | 4

Pairing: Duke Yoongi x Princess Reader

Word Count: 5.2K

Summary: When an engagement locks you, the 8th and forgotten princess, to the duke infamous for his cruelty, you find yourself counting the days until your inevitable death. It’s terrifying to think of your end, but when you arrive at his territory, you realize there’s a more morbid reason behind your marriage, and that the duke is much worse than the rumors have painted him out to be.

Warnings:  HEAVY yandere themes, death, mentions of gore and death, near-death experiences, obsessive behaviors, manipulation, mentions of smut, 18+, explicit language, pregnancy, vomiting

A/N: wow...I can’t believe this story (well the main story; there’s a special chapter and an epilogue coming up) is over. Over 40 pages later...It feels like I’ve raised and nurtured a baby into a somewhat adult and now I have to send it off for college or smth :( I never thought the story would do this good in the first place (part 1 has 4k+ notes and I’m ,, shook ,,,) so to everyone who supported and loved this story (as messy as it was)...THANK YOU! Please keep supporting my writing, and I hope to keep improving as your lovely kosmosguk :]

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

The air was still cold, the kind of cold that heavily bore on your lungs and left you rattling like the only thing left of you was a decaying ivory skeleton. You supposed the cold made sense, even though it was spring and it shouldn’t have been so cold. Some part of you convinced yourself it was the norm even when droplets of icy water splashed onto your frail cheeks. Even when you closed the door behind you, you could feel the chill; even when an acrid taste built up in your throat, you could not stop shivering.

Why could you remember the look on Namjoon’s face? You closed your eyes. Go away, go away, go away. His face lingered even then, even more stark against the darkness of your closed lids, hollow, disappointed eyes and lips curled too rigidly, too unnaturally into a smile. You knew that look. You hated that look.

You could feel the pain in your chest, prickling, and that pain seemed to sink itself into your stomach. Why did it hurt? Why were you hurting?

10. 9. 8.

You counted in your mind softly as the nausea swelled up, like the disgustingly messy crescendo of an agonizing melody. Now, this was strange, wasn’t it? Your cold wasn’t supposed to be accompanied by such nausea. When you began to heave, bracing yourself against the frame of your bed, you heard a knock and then the door click open.

A maid stood out there, her eyes widening as if she could not fathom the sight of you. You clasped your hand around your mouth, tears building up in your eyes, and you choked on a heave. You heard her footsteps tapping frantically as she dashed to get a bucket, but you couldn’t hold in the prickling in your throat, the swirling in your stomach.  

Tears spilled out, dropping onto the ground, as you bent over and retched all over your nightgown and the carpet. Your vision blurred, spots dancing, and you sunk heavily into the moment of weakness.

When you came to, you were being encased in something warm. You didn’t smell anything rancid like what you had been expecting; instead, the soft pleasant scene of rose oil scented soap met your nose, and you exhaled a relieved sigh. Wait…rose wasn’t the only smell. You could smell a hint of wine and something muskier, though slightly sweet. The smell of it was so familiar. It couldn’t be? You peeked open an eye to look up to see your surroundings, and your mouth dropped open slightly.

“D-duke? My Lord. Why are you here? Why…How did I get here?’’ you sputtered, and you tried to push yourself out of his hold. His gaze, along with his hold, remained steady. He reached out slightly and gently trailed a finger down the curve of your cheek.

“I haven’t been able to visit you lately because of how busy I’ve been…If I had known you were feeling so ill, I would’ve been by your side. I’m so sorry,’’ his tone was remorseful. The Duke, who everyone believed had no bone of emotion in his body and who was notorious for never feeling remorse, was apologizing to you. His words seemed to wash out every agony you had experienced. You rapidly blinked away the hint of tears in your eyes and ducked your head shyly.

He caught your chin with a hand before you could hide your face and lifted it gently. You noticed the black circles imprinted into the skin under his eyes, the way his face was even more waxy and pale than usual. Every aggrievance you had despaired over while alone in that room faded; you missed him. You missed him so much. You wouldn’t have been stuck in your own head if he had been there to hold you…but he was here now.

That thought washed over you, and you wrapped your fingers around the hand that was under your chin. His hand was limp as you pushed it down to your thrumming heart. Your stomach fluttered as his fingertips traced your warm skin peeking out of the collar of your nightgown. You carefully held his hand there. You didn’t notice the brief flash of guilt on his face.

You didn’t say anything, your hand still firmly holding his, and you shuffled your body closer, closing your eyes. The scent of the two of you mixed together was pleasant, and although Yoongi’s touch was usually unnaturally cold, today he was so warm. Or maybe the warmth of you had seeped out and spread around the two of you. That was okay; you were warm enough for the both of you. You suddenly felt so tired, even though you had just slept.

“Yoongi…,’’ your voice was barely a mumble,’’ I’m tired. Stay with me?’’

He moved the hand in your grasp slightly, and you held on tightly even though you were half-asleep. He chuckled lowly.

“Don’t worry. Relax your hand. I’ll be here,’’ he spoke. You complied, and you felt his fingers wrap themselves around yours. The two of you laid there, a hand clasped with the other between your chests, and you took in the sensation of your husband with every deep inhale.

“I’ll always be here.”

“Is she better?’’

Namjoon leaned back on the chain, but his posture was still stiff. Yoongi gazed at him with cold eyes from the chair across from Namjoon.

“What were you doing with her? Alone.’’ Yoongi’s voice was menacing.

Namjoon casually shrugged, his voice was level and careful to not expose any of his inner emotions.

“Wouldn’t you like to know? I was checking up on her, something her husband wasn’t doing. She didn’t look too good either,’’ Namjoon kept an eye on Yoongi’s reaction, his tone accusatory and raising in volume,’’ It made me think that you don’t give a damn about her, even though she looks and acts so much like her.’’

“Don’t.’’

Namjoon laughed bitterly.

“Don’t what? Don’t mention how much of a shitty husband you are? Don’t mention her? Shouldn’t I be telling you that? Don’t treat her like a replacement. She isn’t her. She died years ago. I saw her dead body. You saw her dead body. She’s not here anymore, Yoongi. You have to move on.’’

Yoongi’s palms were in fists now, his knuckles turning white, but his voice remained steady.

“She’s not dead.’’

Namjoon looked at Yoongi in disbelief, his expression twisting even further. Namjoon could only laugh, the sound dry and hoarse, and it crackled out like the remnants that Namjoon held in his heart.

“Yoongi.’’ This wasn’t Namjoon. Namjoon rarely got angry at Yoongi; hell, after what happened, he never got even slightly bent up at Yoongi, but he saw your face, contorted and agonized. His voice pressed out like a layer of bitter poison. He was on his feet now. “Fucking wake up. She’s dead. She died!”

“She hasn’t died,’’ Yoongi inhaled a deep breath,” She’s alive; I know it!’’

Namjoon shook his head, and before he knew it, his fist had collided with Yoongi’s jaw, sending Yoongi’s head swiveling to the right. He grabbed Yoongi by the shirt. Yoongi didn’t move, barely flinching from the blooming bruise on his face.

“Get it in your head, bastard. I’ve known you for centuries, Yoongi. I cared about her too, but she’s dead. But you know who’s not dead! Your wife. And she’s dying because of you. You want to cause someone else who loves you to die again?’’

“She’s alive, Namjoon! She died, but she’s back. Namjoon, don’t you understand?’’

Namjoon yanked Yoongi up, curling back his mouth to shout some more, but his words died in his throat before they could rise and leave on his tongue. There was a deranged look in Yoongi’s usually composed eyes. Yoongi looked feral, a murderous beast rippling underneath the façade of the weak human he wore, and Namjoon felt his spine curl in chills.  

Namjoon dropped Yoongi back onto the sofa, his chest rising up in rapid heavy breaths, and he shook his head before spitting out his final words.

“You, you’re the one who doesn’t understand. If you don’t get your act together, as your friend, I’ll give you a warning: something will take her away. Whether it be a new suitor or death.”

Namjoon turned to leave, and his hand was on the doorknob when he heard Yoongi’s voice.

“When she died, I made a choice, Namjoon.”

Namjoon didn’t move. His breathing was ragged.

“You ever wonder how I managed to survive this long with most of my power gone? It’s because of her. I made the choice when…when she was bleeding out, I made a pact with the God of life. The God of life knew that I would’ve destroyed that family of bastards and then the world if I had a chance, so he made a deal with me. She would be born as the unloved princess of the same line of people who killed her, but I had to promise that I could not destroy the world. Namjoon, I’m telling you this for a reason.’’

Namjoon turned quickly back, his eyes pinned to Yoongi’s still form on the sofa. He didn’t expect Yoongi to keep talking.

“But we’ve been friends for centuries. You deserve the truth. The deal I made with that bastard wasn’t perfect. When she was reborn, she would be human. Her. She had been so in love with flowers, and now she doesn’t even look at them the same anymore. But God said…,’’ Yoongi inhaled,’’ God said I could have her really back if I was careful. Where she had been stabbed, there’s a mark. If I could make her love me once more and I waited until the Spring Equinox… If I stabbed her through there, I would have my love back.’’

There was a pause to laugh, though it was no laugh of joy. “Isn’t that cruel? I would have to hurt her the way they hurt her. But it’s worth it. It’s worth it if I have a chance to get her back.’’

“Yoongi…!’’ Namjoon’s breath was even more ragged now. Rage colored it. “She’s human. If you kill her, there’s a chance she’ll actually die! That body of hers is human. It can’t contain the power of a deity!’’

“Don’t you think I know that?’’ Yoongi’s voice struck an unruly crescendo, and he finally rose to his feet. Namjoon flinched slightly at the maniacal expression painted in his friend’s once calm eyes. “This is my final chance to bring her back. She’ll never be hurt again! I’ll lock her up in a safe place, my flower, my…my wife.’’

“Don’t you understand what you’re doing is going to hurt her? It’s already hurting her!’’ Namjoon’s voice boomed in a yell, but Yoongi didn’t back down. He was too far now to back down.

“What does it matter? I love her. She’s the same as her, but she’s also not the same. She needs to be completed. The her of now is just a vessel for her true self… And as long as I break it, everything will go back to the way it should’ve been before she decided to trust those mortal bastards over me!’’

There was a tension in the room that couldn’t be swallowed by Yoongi’s increasingly rough breathing. Namjoon’s voice managed to croak out. There was no stability to it, not anymore.

“When you said there’s a reason why you’re telling me this, what is it? You know I’m going to stop you from pulling through with this. She’s dead, Yoongi, and the her of right now is a mortal! She’ll die once more, and what will you do then? As your friend—!’’

“What friend? What friend does a demon even have? And what friend looks at his friend’s wife in that manner, in nearly the same way that I do…! Namjoon, I know you love her.’’ Yoongi’s voice lowered back down to a threateningly calm voice. “And I can’t have that.”

Namjoon steeled himself for a fight, but he was no match for Yoongi. Yoongi was older than him, more powerful than him. He had slain bodies on the battlefield without losing breath. And now, he was going to do the same to Namjoon. Yoongi’s hands wrapped tightly around Namjoon’s neck, and Namjoon choked on a wheezing breath.

Namjoon tried to suck in a shaky breath as his vision splotched. He was a demon. He couldn’t quite die like humans did, but there was an end to all entities, demonic or heavenly, and Yoongi’s power was bitterly overwhelming. Yoongi’s fingers dug into the thin mortal-like flesh of Namjoon, and blood the deep color of ink dribbled out of crescent marks.

“I’ll take into consideration your many years of servitude to me, Namjoon. Your end will be much kinder than the ends of those before you.”

Flowers were peeking through blades of jade-green glass when you finally found yourself outside the rumored garden of the Duke’s first love.

He had gone for the day, and you had bitten the apple of temptation that curiosity had granted you.

You were the duchess; there was no need for you to be so cautious nor feel so guilty. But your gaze darted left and right, careful of any lingering servants, as you pushed your way into the depths of the garden.

Lush flowers greeted you, petals of every shade of the rainbow unfurling and glistening with the morning dew, and you exhaled in soft wonder. The sight was marvelous. The garden was beautiful, and it had been tended to meticulously. The beauty of the garden coupled with the pinpricks of growing despair in your heart as you furthered your way in.

You heard something snap and heard the voices of servants from just outside.

“The Duchess hasn’t been feeling well, hasn’t she?’’ you heard the voice’s echo.

“Ay, it’s unfortunate that the Duke has been too busy to look after her. They used to be so enamored at the beginnin’ of their marriage, but noble marriages…,’’ the responding voice hushed, but you could still hear the last part,” they never really go happy. Especially since rumors been spreading that the Duke still has a first love he can’t forget and only married the Duchess cause she reminded him of ‘er.”

You hurried your pace further in, not wanting to get caught. Your breath hitched, and the agony of those soft words pierced your already aching heart. Your eyes prickled in hot tears. Why, you wanted to scream at yourself as your footsteps quickened and your vision blurred, why were you so weak?

He had treated you so well. He loved you, didn’t he?

Your ankle twisted as your shoe slipped on the wet ground, and you were sent sprawling into the ground, grass and mud staining your dress. You looked pathetic, wet and muddy and close to tears…and then you looked up and made eye contact with the gray statue standing in front of you.

It had been carefully carved in the image of a young girl, holding an armful of flower bouquets—you noticed that the flowers were not made of stone like the rest of her and that they were fresh, as if someone had tenderly made sure to replace them every day—in her arms and beaming widely as her legs raised in a gleeful skip. She looked alive, but most importantly…she looked exactly like you.

From the slope of her nose to the curve of her lips and even to the way her eyes turned up in a playful smile, reminiscent of the naïve you of the past, she was every inch you like you were every centimeter her.

The answer to the previous question rang and echoed painfully in your head: No.

Your tears broke free from its constraints. They dripped down your cheeks like blood drops, and you muffled a sob as the cruel truth dug its blade into your heart and left you painfully bleeding out in a beautiful garden filled with the past’s flowers.

You allow him to embrace you as the waning moonlight slowly aligned itself to match the glowing sunlight. Even when he seemed distracted, and you could tell his thoughts were drifting back to her, you would shamelessly bring him closer to you, spread your legs farther apart and moan more like the whore you were. Anything, you would repeat to yourself, anything to keep him to you.

But if you were willing to do anything for him to love you, why did you find hot tears spilling onto your cheeks as you watched the sleeping him? The moonlight would embrace his skin, light it up like it was alabaster, and you would realize that perhaps the love he had shown you before was like the love an artist gave to a statue: tender but shallow.

Even then, you would lose yourself in your own rosy-painted memories, in which he tenderly cradled your hand and told you how beautiful you had looked the night of the ball. You loved him; you loved him too much.

But why, if you loved him so, did you hide your nausea to yourself? Why did you pick at meals and force yourself to eat them despite the growing urge to vomit? Why did you hide? Did you want to remain eternally beautiful and pure to him, like the innocent girl laughing silently in that wretched garden?

Did he ever love you?

When the hours of moonlight finally clicked to match the hours of daylight, you received your answer.

The moonlight served to guide your clumsy fingers. You were carefully embroidering a delicate lily, though it did not look as lovely as you had hoped, into a pure ivory handkerchief when the door of your shared room with the Duke clicked open.

“My wife.”

His face was solemn as ever, but there was a soft light that glowed in his cool eyes. The tenderness on his face was reminiscent of the kind he used to have for you back in the earlier days of your marriage. You were enthralled, bewitched, and entranced as he took quick paces towards you. He swept you up in his arms, his embrace strong and firm, and the handkerchief slipped from your still figures.

If you had not been immersed in the high of his affection, you would have been despaired over the handkerchief, with its half-finished lily, getting dirty. Your mother, before her death, used to adore lilies. She would smile bittersweetly as the bouquet of lilies delivered from the king dwindled and wilted before smoothing your hair down, her voice dim as she spoke.

“I used to love lilies…They stand for three things: devotion, humility, and…”

The third part seemed to escape your mind, but you found yourself not caring as much as Yoongi’s grip on you tightened.

“My Duke, what are y—?’’ you gasped out in surprise.

His voice cut you off, the sound rough and haggard and…exhilarated.

You felt something in your gut alert you of danger, but you did not care. He was holding you; you melted in his touch.

“My wife, I must ask you a dire question,’’ his voice echoed in the silent room,” Do you love me, my wife…Do you love me?’’

Your response spilled out of your lips as if you were bewitched by a spell. Your words were coated in a pathetic, desperate vulnerability.

“Yes, husband, I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you so much.”

Your breath hitched as his grip strengthened, and your brain was covered in a dizzy haze as you tried to gasp for a deeper inhale of air. He pulled away; you were surprised, briefly, at how cruel his eyes looked in the moonlight despite the warmth exuding from him.

“Good. My wife, I love you. I have a surprise for you, but you must trust me. Hold my hand,’’ he reached his hand out, and your hand was clasped in his iron-cold hand before you could fully process your thought. You blindly trusted him, even when he took out a fine silk ribbon.

It was a beautiful shade of gold, though slightly dirty, but your lips twitched nervously as you noticed small splatters of red dying the fabric. However, Yoongi’s gentle smile never wavered, and like an innocent lamb awaiting slaughter, you closed your eyes and let him tie it around you.

“Perfect. You look beautiful, my wife.”

Your heart skipped a beat. All of the love he had ever shown you before had been subtle. But it poured and oozed out of every word that he had spoken. You were foolishly giddy.

You could feel a slight skip in your step as Yoongi guided you. Step by step, you placed your trust in him. You did not hear any other sound other than the footsteps of Yoongi and you. It was unnerving, almost, the silence in the halls. But even when you heard something squelch, like the carpet had been soaked in some liquid, underneath the wooden soles of your slippers, you did not let your footsteps waver.

You were outside now. Your shoes brushed against grass and grated against stone, and you felt the merciless night wind whip at your hair before slowing down to a gentle breeze. You shivered and sought warmth, but there was no warmth, not even in Yoongi’s hand around yours, outside of the ribbon around your eyes.

“My wife, we are here,” you felt Yoongi let go of your hand, and his fingertips brushed against your cheek as he reached to undo the gold ribbon. The fabric fluttered down, the softness of it remaining on your face as you made petrified eye contact with the statue.

It was her; she held new flowers in her hands. A bundle of lilies sparkled white in the moonlight, and you felt your face go ashy. You remembered the final third meaning of lilies: restored innocence after death.

“Duke…Yoongi, what’s…What’s,’’ you tried to sputter out. Your pupils were dilated from fear, and you did not shake from the cold. No, you trembled from a deep sense of fearful dread. You flung your arms and embraced yourself as the nausea boiled in your gut and rose in your throat like acrid steam.

He got closer to you, and the moonlight illuminated the mania in his eyes and the glint of a blade. There was no calm before the storm; no, this was the storm. You let out a shrill scream and turned to run away.

Your feet tore up grass in your frenzy, but he was the Duke that many had rumored came from hell. He cut down thousands on the battlefield and emerged each time drenched in blood. It was then, as he reached out and grabbed your arm in a callous, bruising grip, that you came to see the monster that lingered in the human shell you had loved.

He shoved you down to the ground, and his voice pitched as he spat out: “The first night that you had died, I had nearly killed them all. I had planned on vengeance, on soaking this damned earth in blood, but I made a deal. The God said if I spared their creation, I could have you back…You would be human, disgusting and impure like the ones who had slain you…but I could change that. Only if I eliminate the stench of humanity from you.”

You scrambled back as he approached and hugged your stomach. You could already feel the sting of the blade, but you still cried out as the blade glinted in his hand.

“Yoongi, I’m pregnant!’’ you kept your eyes firmly on him,” Yoongi, I have your child! Please, please, if you kill me, this child will die!”

The blade in Yoongi’s hand paused as your breath caught in your throat.

His voice was weak and trembled slightly as he spoke. He was so vicious just a second prior, but now he looked ready to collapse. “My…my child…”

You sought to further his hesitation, to save not only yourself but your child too, and it seemed easy enough to begin weeping once more as your emotions soared to a rattled high.

“If you kill me, you kill this child. Our child. You asked me to call you Yoongi when we married,’’ you sucked in a shaky breath,” Didn’t I mean something to you? And if not me, what about our child? I look so much like…so much like her that our baby would surely resemble her too. Please, Yoongi, my husband, please, please, please!’’

His eyes flickered to the blade in his hand and back to the red mark peeking through the neckline of your gown. There was a resolute light that returned to his suddenly brighter red eyes that startled your heart back into a fiercer race in your chest.

No, please, you silently begged him and hugged your stomach.

“We can always,’’ he swallowed, and your eyes stilled in a conflicting hopelessness as he raised the blade back up once more,” When you’re her again, we can always have more children. We’ll have so many, as much as we want; that will be my apology for taking away our first child. You’ll understand…She would understand.”

The blade shing-ed as it pierced downwards through the night towards your chest, and you clenched your eyes shut and tried to shield your unborn child.

The sound abruptly stopped, and you heard a muffled groan accompany a heavy thud against the ground. You peeked open your eyes, and you choked on shock.  

The man before you looked exhausted and you saw broken iron clasped around one of his wrists. There was exhaustion rimmed underneath his eyes, but you saw firm courage in them too.

“N…Namjoon! Namjoon, Namjoon, please, please save my child!’’ you were screaming hysterically, your eyes hazy as you refused to let your arms fall from around your stomach.

He glanced back at you. That courage grew, and you felt wretched as the bitter taste of grief bite at your tongue. You knew what you were asking for was selfish. You had been selfish from the beginning.

You were selfish to want a happy ending. You were selfish to yearn for a family of three with the Duke, your child’s chubby fingers placed in the hands of each parent, and you were selfish to want to not lose someone else important to you either.

“Go…Go…Now!’’ he called out to you. “He’ll get up soon; you have to leave!’’

You stumbled back up on weak legs. Tears rose in your swollen eyes.

“Please, Namjoon, I can’t…,’’ you choked on a ragged sob,” I can’t leave you here!’’

“You have to!’’ his eyes darted back to Yoongi’s collapsed form,” I’ll come back for you. So hurry…Go!’’

“Promise! You have to be safe!’’ At the sound of Yoongi—no, the Duke—getting up from the ground, you forced yourself to kick your shoes off, turn around, and run away. As pebbles and branches bit at your naked feet, you could hear the sound of fighting. Please, Namjoon be safe, you prayed.

When you reached outside of the garden, you heard a loud choked yell of pain and closed your eyes shut as tears bit once more at them. Was…Was Namjoon dead? You looked back into the darkness of the maze-like garden, the darkness even more haunting with the grave silence permeating it, and you felt grief swell in your gut. You were sobbing now, ready to collapse into the unforgiving dirt, but Namjoon was willing to risk his life for you. You could not stop now.

You saw a figure standing outside, blocking the path away from the garden. Though it was dark, you managed to make out who he was as you got closer. His previously youthful and cheerful features were carefully set back in a more aged look. It was the aid that the Duke had hired for you: Jungkook.

“My goddess, the demon has sacrificed his life for you. Though you are human, God had sent me to guide you. The demon king had promised that he would not slain any other life in vain, and with the death of the demon, that promise has been unfulfilled. But God is merciful…They will protect you and your unborn child from danger.”

The aid’s voice was stony, unlike the light tone he had adopted before, but somehow, that very sound relaxed you. You had no one else to trust now and no way to live securely with your child.

The angel extended a hand, just like the Duke had extended his hand out to you while plotting to end your life.

“Will you take my hand, and let me protect you for as long as you may live?’’

You stared at his hand…and shook your head.

“God’s human servant humbly cannot agree to this. I do not need your forever protection, angel. Please, as long as you find a place safe for my unborn child, I will do whatever is necessary, but I am not willing to fully take the hand of a stranger so soon after a betrayal.”

You felt a tinge of a smile at Jungkook’s…no the angel’s lips, reminiscent of the days in which you had once felt happiness.

“God has always given their promises carefully. Not many mortals have ever refused the divine help. Many have even dared to push the boundaries of such promises.”

You placed a gentle hand over your stomach.

“As long as my child is safe, to me that is all that matters. Please, angel, help me once to only fulfill security for my baby.”

“Then, take my hand now. I have never witnessed a human refuse the hand of an angel before. If a devout believer were to witness you, would you not be labelled as a sinner?” the angel’s voice was almost teasing, had the sound not been so dry and flat.

“Labelled with this damned red mark, I have been a sinner the day I arrived on this earth, angel. It seems to be in my lineage to be nothing more than a sinner.’’ You wryly spoke and reached out your hand, finally taking his. You glanced once more back at the garden, blackened by the shadowy darkness and stench of death.

As you left this wretched place, where you had found love and had been destroyed by love, where you had been pushed and grown from the feeble girl of the past, where you had made memories despite how brief its actuality had been, the statue of the girl began to crumble and the bouquet of white lilies in her hand began to wilt, and as dust and crumbled petals fell to the ground, they became stained once more in red.

A/n: It’s finally the end of the main story :’) As always, leave a comment or a detailed review if you enjoyed the story. 

A special chapter from Yoongi’s perspective and an epilogue will be coming (reply with a  👑 if you aren’t on the taglist yet and want to be updated for those parts), and then Lineage will reach its final final conclusion. 

Thank you, and lmk of any mistakes (I never edit sjsjsj)! 

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

omg you should write about stevie crying and being upset when she sees her daddy without all his tattoos ! she would think he’d look soo weird 😩

i LOVE this concept omg

you look naked

warnings: none

word count: 2.3k

"I'm gonna be home late again today," Harry sighed as he splashed some milk into his coffee. There had been an abundance of days like this since he started working on Don't Worry Darling. Most days, he left the house before 8 AM and didn't get home until after 9 that night. "I'm so sorry it's been like this so much lately. I know it hasn't been easy here, but it should only be a few more-"

"It's ok," you reassured him, stepping closer to lean against him. "I get it. I'm not upset with you or anything, I just wish I got to see more of you."

"I know," he sighed again. "I hate not being able to see you and Stevie. At this rate, she's going to forget about me."

"She's not going to forget about you," you smiled. "She loves you way too much for that."

"Yeah, but I see her, what? Three hours every week?"

"Well, now you're just being dramatic. You might not see her on the weekdays, but you're home all day on the weekends. And, like you said, it's only a few more weeks, maybe a month? Right?"

"Right," he said, tilting his head to rest it on top of yours. "And once it's over, I have nothing planned for the next 6 months, at least. I'm just going to stay home and spend time with my girls."

"I'm already excited," you grinned. "I'm going to paint your nails every single day."

One thing you really didn't like about him being an actor was how little freedom he had with his personal style. There was no point doing things like nail polish, because that would just be another thing he had to sit through the removal of before they shot every day.

"Can't wait," he smiled, leaning down to peck your lips. "And I'm going to spend some quality bonding time with Stevie. I can't believe she's almost a year old," he mused with wonder in his voice. "It goes by way too fast."

"It does," you agreed, leaning down to take a sip of his coffee. You tipped the cup to your lips, only moving back when he frowned playfully.

"That's enough, I need my sustenance," he pouted.

"Sorry," you grinned. "How about this instead?"

You leaned up on your tiptoes, bracing your hands against his shoulders. You hovered your lips above his, keeping them a hair's width apart before you whispered quietly.

"How's this for sustenance?"

You pressed your lips to his in a tender movement, leaning into him more as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He sighed against you, blindly reaching back to set his coffee cup down before his hands returned to you, pressing against your cheeks to hold you closer to him.

After a few long moments, he pulled away. You chased his lips, not missing his small grin as he leaned back in for a few quick pecks. He didn't let go of your face, instead leaning his forehead against yours and breathing quietly in time with you.

"Better than coffee," he smiled, his lips just barely brushing against yours as he spoke.

"Yeah?" you grinned back, your arms still slung over his neck.

"Mhm," he sighed one last time before pulling away and glancing at the clock. "But I really have to get going."

"Ok," you offered a small smile, trying to remind him that you weren't upset with this. You knew when he took this role that things would be a little hectic; and you had both agreed it would be ok. You thought he was taking this harder than you were, honestly. For the most part, you and Stevie had settled into a rhythm and you weren't too overwhelmed. You could tell Harry still felt bad for leaving you alone with her every day, but you did everything you could to reassure him that it was really just fine.

"I'll text you whenever I can," he promised, drinking the last few sips of his coffee as he stepped towards the door. You nodded, turning to wipe off the countertop before you would settle into the couch for a little alone time. You normally had about half an hour between Harry leaving and Stevie waking up. A few precious moments where your time was completely your own.

Not this morning, though. Before he even got the door open, your last bits of conversation were cut off by a loud wail coming through the baby monitor.

"Well, sounds like she's up," You offered a small smile to Harry, throwing the rag back into the sink. "Have a good day, baby," you stepped out of the kitchen, making your way towards the cries that were increasing in volume.

"I'm coming, Stevie," you said.

"Y/N!" Harry called from the kitchen.

"What?"

He didn't answer, but soon you heard his heavy footsteps coming down the hall.

"I wanted to see her before I go," he smiled, looking almost shy. "I don't usually get to, but since she's awake..."

"Yeah, of course," you smiled back, taking his hand and leading him to the nursery.

"Stevie, look who's here," you said softly, flicking on the light in the baby's room. "Daddy's here, he wants to say good morning."

Stevie's crying had stopped, replaced by a happy smile when she saw her mom and dad. 

“Hi!” she said, giggling excitedly. She knew three words: mama, dada, and hi. She used these words very frequently, especially hi. It was her favorite thing to say. 

Harry reached down to her, pulling her up and lifting her up above his head. She laughed again, kicking her legs as he looked up at her.

"Good morning, princess!" He seemed just as excited as her, if not more. Your heart felt like it was going to burst from how sweet this moment was. "I missed you while you were sleeping," he brought her back down, nuzzling his nose into her cheek. She giggled and squirmed away, hiding her face against him. "What's that? You missed me too? Yeah, I figured," he grinned, turning to you. "Hear that, baby? She missed me while she was sleeping."

"I'm sure," you smiled, leaning against the dresser as you watched the sweet moment unfold. Harry continued talking to her like she understood everything, and in turn he acted like he could understand her babbling in response.

"Really? I can't believe you went to the zoo in your dream! We'll have to do that sometime soon, hm?" he bounced her a bit, completely focused on her little face.

After a few minutes, he turned back to you.

"I don't want to go to today," he said, as if he was already contemplating calling in sick. 'Do you think they would be that mad if I didn't go today?"

"Yes, Harry," you said, stepping closer to reach for Stevie. "You have to go. But it's ok, because it'll go by fast, and then you can come home and see us again."

"But she'll be sleeping," he nearly whined.

"You can come in and say goodnight. She falls back asleep pretty easy these days, so I don't mind if you wake her up for a few minutes."

"Really?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes," you laughed. "But in order to come home to us, you have to go somewhere first."

"Right!" he was already halfway out the door.

"Love you, baby. Love you, Stevie," he blew two kisses at you before he stepped into the hallway.

"Love you too, baby," you held up Stevie's small hand to catch the kisses he left.

"Alright, miss Stevie," you bounced the baby on your hip. "What should we do today?"

-----

"Why are you so fussy today, hm?" You questioned the baby, rocking her gently to try and calm her down. "I thought you'd be happy since you got to see daddy this morning, but apparently not."

It was almost like getting to see him for a few minutes upset her more than if she hadn't been able to at all. Like she missed him more since she got to see him, only to have him leave.

"He'll be home soon," you said gently, bouncing her small body. "Then we can all cuddle together. How's that sound?"

She babbled through her tears in response.

"Not quite sure what that means, but I'll take it as excitement."

Before you could move to find something else to distract her, your phone rang. You reached to grab it, shushing Stevie as she cried more.

"Hi baby!" you smiled, holding the phone to your ear.

"Hi," he answered, and you could almost hear the smile in his voice as he spoke. "Why's she crying?"

"I think she misses you," you sighed, rocking the chair more. "Here, talk to her, see if she calms down." You put the phone on speaker, holding it away from you so Stevie would be able to hear him.

"Hi lovie!" Harry's excited voice came through the speaker. Stevie's fussing quieted immediately and she started at the phone. "Are you being fussy today?"

Stevie babbled in response.

"That means yes," you chimed in, laughing lightly.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'll be home soon, though, and then we can snuggle together."

"I already told her that," you smiled at Stevie, who was still completely fascinated by Harry's voice. "Shockingly, the 9 month old isn't very patient."

"Well, why don't you come see me right now?"

"What?"

"Yeah, we're having some sound issues so we're all just sitting around right now. I don't think anyone would mind if you came to visit for an hour or so?" He paused for a moment and you heard muffled voices in the background. "Everyone here's fine with it, and they'd love to see both of you."

You weren't so sure about this offer. Stevie was notoriously difficult to dress and get ready quickly, and she was definitely not a fan of car rides. But it was only ten minutes away, and she could probably just stay in the onesie she was already wearing, and Harry sounded like he really wanted to see you...

"Ok, we'll be there in half an hour," you decided, standing up.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna go so I can get dressed. Do I need to bring anything?"

"Nope, just you and my beautiful baby," he said. You could tell he was practically bursting with excitement.

"Ok, she's not happy that I've gotten up, so I'm gonna go. Hopefully I can calm her down before we get there. I don't think anyone would appreciate me bringing a screaming child onto the premises."

"Sounds good," he laughed. "See you soon. Love you. Love you, Stevie!"

"Bye, love you," you smiled back before ending the call. "Come on Stevie, we're going on an adventure."

-----

"Guess who's here?" You approached Harry's chair from behind, carrying Stevie in one arm and the diaper bag in the other.

Harry was sitting in one of those fancy director's chairs, with his name printed across the back. He spun around at the sound of your voice, his entire face lighting up when he saw you and Stevie. He stood up, moving around the chair to step closer to you.

He was only wearing a pair of black sweatpants, and it was one of the weirdest sights you had ever seen. Not because of the lack of a shirt, but because the lack of tattoos. They had been completely covered. Completely. He looked...

"Oh my god, you look naked," you said in an astounded tone, stepping back to stare at his torso.

He let out a loud laugh, dropping his head.

"That's what I thought the first time I looked in a mirror," he grinned. "I haven't been without any tattoos since I was 17."

"Weird," you repeated, unable to drag your eyes away from his clean skin.

"Thanks," he smiled.

You blushed a bit, finally pulling your eyes away to look up at him.

"Anyways, it's nice to see you. I don't like waiting until the end of the day."

"Me neither," he said, stepping closer. "And how's my baby girl?" he reached out for Stevie, who had been staring at him just as intensely as you had.

Before you could hand her off to him, her face screwed up in confusion and she began to cry again.

"No, bug, don't cry!" you said, bouncing her again. "We came to see daddy! Come on, why are you fussing again?" She kept staring at Harry, not relenting her loud cries.

You held her out to Harry, hoping that maybe he would be able to calm her down, but she only cried harder when you did. She turned away from him, hiding her face in your shoulder.

"Harry, your naked skin is scaring her!" you scolded playfully.

He laughed in surprise, looking down at his arm. "I think you're right. She's only ever seen my arms with all the ink, so she probably think's it's pretty weird. I'll... I'll go find a jacket or something."

He turned away, leaving you to deal with Stevie who was still crying quietly. After she calmed down a bit, you settled into Harry's chair so you could look around with her.

Soon, you were approached by a group of Harry's coworkers, who were all very excited to see Stevie.

You answered a whole slew of questions, smiling and offering statements like "she's 9 months" and "yes, she is growing very fast!" and "yes, she did get Harry's dimples". Stevie was loving the attention. She was smiling and babbling and saying "hi" to everyone who looked at her.

Harry came back wearing a black hoodie. He approached cautiously, not sure if Stevie would still be upset. To both of your delight, she seemed to think everything was back to normal. She reached her small arms out to him, and his face lit up as he took her from you.

"Hi," Stevie said, smiling brightly.

"Hi bug," he grinned back, kissing her cheek. "I missed you and mommy. Did you miss me?"

She babbled in response.

"That means yes," you offered, and he grinned at you.

[stilldani24]

I Am Here

corpse husband x reader oneshot

words: 1233

request: “Corpse x reader where they’re married and no one knows and they’re a Broadway actor/actress and they come home and surprises him when he’s streaming” from anonymous

a/n: the title of this oneshot is a song title from the musical Come From Away, and if you haven’t listened to the soundtrack yet, you definitely need to. Also look for the documentary You Are Here: A Come From Away Story for an amazing dive into the real events and creation of the musical. 

You picked an unconventional career from the get-go. From the instant you told your parents what you wanted to do and where you were moving, they were skeptical but supportive. At eighteen, you moved to America to attend school for musical theatre. Not only were you out on your own for the first time, you were in a completely new country with no friends. Well, no. That was a lie. You had made many friends all across the country. Alex in Virginia, Rachel in New Jersey, Jade in Michigan, and a kid named Corpse in California you had met on Reddit. 

You learned his real name soon after you both developed feelings for each other and began a long distance relationship, but you were more keen in calling him Corpse. 

It suited him better. 

Even after you had officially met, you moved across the country for him, and had gotten married after three years of dating and one year of engagement. You still called him Corpse, especially since his YouTube career took off and that’s all anyone called him. You didn’t want to be caught saying his real name while he was streaming. 

None of his new friends he met playing Among Us knew he was married, or even in a relationship for that matter. He wasn’t at that point with these people yet, they only knew him for his voice and impressive impostor skills. He had gained a following over the years for his Reddit reading videos, so his fans already knew his voice and new fans immediately simped. You found it absolutely adorable, but it was even more reason to keep you a secret. Despite being married, you didn’t mind. 

While his YouTube following was increasing, your career was steadily climbing. Broadway had just been reopened following the pandemic and thus a new wave of auditions. You had since graduated and had an agent, and she sent you every audition that fit you. And surprisingly, you were cast in Come From Away, a musical about Operation: Yellow Ribbon following the 9/11 attacks. The cast only consisted of twelve actors, no ensemble, so you were front and centre every night. It was a dream come true, and you had a blast. You hated being away from your husband, but he understood completely and wanted you to chase every opportunity life gave you. 

After six consecutive weeks in New York City, you were granted a full month off from the show so you could go home and be with your husband. It was rumoured that Come From Away would be opening in Los Angeles so you were hopeful you would be able to transfer from Broadway to LA. But until then, you had a month off and were excited to go home before having to return back to your NYC studio apartment. 

You slowly opened the door to your shared apartment in San Diego, your huge suitcase of luggage behind you as you moved through the apartment. You didn’t call out for your husband, wanting to surprise him completely wherever he was. You were certain he wasn’t streaming, as he wasn’t talking or anything, so you looked around the apartment. When you deduced he was in his gaming room, you thought he was deep in the zone of editing something.

You swung open the door excitedly. “Honey, I’m home!”

Corpse was definitely streaming, just in the lobby as everyone was afk probably grabbing food or using the bathroom. He jumped in his seat, eyes wide as he made eye contact with you. You were frozen as you noticed he was streaming. He was probably speaking the entire time, just quietly so you didn’t hear him, and you had just revealed this huge secret.

Corpse didn’t care.

He threw his headset aside, a huge grin on his face, as he ran to you and scooped you up in his arms as best as he could. “Holy shit, you’re home! Holy fuck!”

You laughed as you hugged him tightly, burying your face into his neck as you just took in his warmth. You didn’t care about the fact that he was streaming anymore. “Hi, baby,” you murmured to him lovingly, then grabbing his face in your hands and planting a fat, juicy kiss on his lips. 

“Why didn’t you call me or text me, I could’ve picked you up at the airport!” he laughed, just holding your face in his hands and looking at you. 

“I didn’t think you’d be streaming today, so I wanted to surprise you,” you replied, laughing now as he gave you soft kisses on your forehead and cheeks. “Sorry, uh, I ruined our secret.”

“I don’t give a fuck, not a single one, you’re home,” he gushed happily, before looking back to his set up. He let out a low chuckle as he watched the chat scroll by quickly. “Come on.”

He led you to his set up, sitting down in his chair before pulling you down onto his lap. He placed his headset back on, one hand on his mouse while the other arm wrapped around your waist with his hand resting on your thigh.

“Chat, this is my spouse, Y/N. They, uh, they’ve been in New York on Broadway for a month and a half and I’ve missed them so much. Say hi, babe,” he smiled at you now.

“Hi, I’m Y/N,” you replied shyly, thankful there wasn’t a facecam so they couldn’t see how flustered you were. Or how fucking beat you looked after your long flight. 

“Woah, Corpse, you’re married?!” Sean’s excited voice sounded from Corpse’s headset, making you giggle. “Dude, why didn’t you tell us?”

“Jesus, Corpse, you had me here really thinking I had a chance,” Sykkuno then said, making the both of you laugh now. 

“It never came up, sorry, guys,” Corpse replied, giving you a slight squeeze. “Yeah, we’ve been together for four years, and we got married last year.”

“Don’t worry, you can still simp over my husband. But if you dare think of actually stealing him from me, I’ll tap dance all over you,” you warned. 

“Wait, Corpse said that you came back from Broadway? What show?” Rae then asked. Corpse had moved one of the ears off of his own and turned up the volume so you could actually hear. 

“Oh, uh, Come From Away. I’ve only been there since Broadway reopened, but I kinda got lucky getting cast,” you replied sheepishly, curling into Corpse a little bit more. 

“That’s bullshit, you have a gorgeous voice,” Corpse replied, pinching your thigh slightly.

“Sing, sing, sing!” his friends began chanting, making you blush heavily and bury your face into his neck. You could perform for hundreds eight times a week but as soon as you were in front of his close friends and over two hundred thousand viewers on his stream, you got incredibly flustered. 

“Alright, guys, relax, they just got home and probably need to rest,” Corpse came to your defence, kissing your cheek softly before letting you get up. “Before you leave, babe. I love you.”

“Awww, I love you too,” you cooed softly, leaning down and giving him a soft kiss. You heard his friends taunting him from his headset, making you giggle softly and leave the room as Corpse turned back to his computer to continue his stream.

“Shut the fuck up, guys.”

[wh6res]

taeil — part of the my bloody valentine collection.

prompt. soulmates are connected by a red string.

synopsis. taeil thinks the whole system is bullshit. he needs to take matters into his own hands.

warnings. tread cautiously. swearing, mentions of death, blood, mentions of kidnapping, violence, turning a 'lil dubcon near the end, severe stockholm syndrome, manipulation 

disclaimer. a friendly reminder that i do not, under any circumstance, condone or support any acts like this. this is not love and this is not how a normal relationship should be like. the things i write are all fiction and should be treated as such and if you don’t like it, please do not read it and waste your time hating on it. the 9 members of nct 127 do not act like this in real life and shouldn’t act like this in real life. 

thank you to. sexeh sam @yukwonghei, cutie charlie @dundun-baby, and baby rina @greenish-taro for beta-reading!

since he was a kid, he’s fantasized about meeting his soulmate. creating scenario after scenario of how he’d meet ‘the one’ as he had cheesily addressed and had absolutely freaked when he finally saw the red string tied around his right wrist on his 20th birthday—courtesy of the soulmate rules of the universe, where one will finally be able to see the string tied around their body once they’ve come of age. 

for years before he met that other soul who’s destined to be with him, taeil would stare at the red thread lying across the floor, disappearing under the gap of his door and out to the world unknown. he’d be so distracted, so aloof and in his own world as he anticipates the long-awaited day until his professor calls him out—“moon! do yourself a favor and stop daydreaming!”

until his friends snap him out of it—“thinking of them again? really?”

until his parents shake him out of his thoughts—“don’t worry, i bet they’ll love you!”

sometimes he just loved staring at the string, it was something so measly as a bunch of threads intricately woven together yet it held such a symbol in today’s world. call him lovesick or stupid but was it really wrong to feel excited? taeil’s even betting the person on the other side of this string is just as excited as he was, if not more. 

in the man’s eyes, the strings are a symbol of something more than love—it symbolized the person the universe has created especially for him and no one else. 

taeil can’t even imagine a world without these strings. how difficult it would be, to love and invest in someone who will only end up breaking your heart? no, the strings also meant reassurance. 

assurance that he won’t get hurt. 

an assurance of faithfulness. 

he had only been a wide-eyed fresh grad looking for some place to intern when it happened. like a scene right out of a cheesy romance movie—he felt the persistent tugs of the string before finally meeting his soulmate. well, using the word meet to describe the whole ordeal is a huge stretch because it was more of a holy shit, is that my soulmate? rather than a hi, i'm your soulmate, taeil!

he merely saw the back of her poised figure but taeil’s heart felt like it wanted to explode, his emotions a mess and feeling everything to the extremes. nervous. scared. anxiety. happiness. excitement—it was all coming at him like bullets. 

as taeil stared at her back, walking away, johnny kept shoving him forward, encouraging him to finally approach the person he’s been waiting for ever since that soulmate string appeared around his pinky. 

but he couldn’t—not because he was so anxious he’d accidentally vomit the 4-cheese whopper he had for lunch but due to the line of people trailing behind his soulmate like a bunch of baby ducks to their mom. the thought of coming up to his soulmate and introducing himself in front of all those people?

romantic, maybe, but taeil doesn’t have the stomach to do that. 

he remembers how much johnny had wolf whistled, unbelieving of the fact his friend managed to snag the possible heir to the company they’re attending an interview in as his soulmate. 

“lucky little asshole,” johnny muttered. 

taeil had been experiencing the post-effects of seeing his soulmate that he just weakly punched johnny’s arm for the heck of it. he probably didn’t even hear the name his younger friend had called him. taeil’s mind is clouding over, no thoughts in his head but the white polo shirt she wore, sleeves neatly rolled up, and the black pencil skirt hugging her legs and making her ass look so plump. 

focus. he needs to focus on the interview right now or else he won’t even have the chance to work here and officially meet her. everything the interviewer asked passed through his head like paper planes in a classroom, shamelessly asking the woman sitting before him to repeat the question, too busy reveling about how their soulmate story would be the cliché office-love. not that taeil minds, he’d love going to work together—

two weeks later, johnny receives an email of acceptance. taeil doesn’t.

the man nearly threw his laptop away out of sheer disbelief and anger. okay, sure, maybe he could’ve done better in the interview but he graduated with latin honors in college! and from a prestigious college at that. he shouldn’t even be applying as a mere intern with the skill set he had yet he went with it because he’d always dreamed of working there. 

and now knowing his soulmate is possibly someone who holds a high position in the company? everything just kept getting better and better for moon taeil. 

except for that fucking email—pft, or lack thereof. how can they not accept him when he’s more capable than johnny, anyway? for fuck’s sake! taeil doesn’t even ask that guy for rent and he’s so thick-skinned that he stayed up to this day and freeloaded off taeil’s food and shelter. 

the absolute unfairness of the situation makes taeil’s blood reach a fever point. he’s completely lossed it, leading him to spit “get the fuck out!” to the other male occupant in the apartment with eyes glaring and lips pulled into a nasty sneer. 

johnny’s never seen taeil this upset before and decided that he’d be better off abiding by the older man’s wishes instead of contradicting it. 

no. no. no. this can’t be happening. if taeil doesn’t work there, with her, all his sweet fantasies won’t come true and god forbid she ends up falling for another person in the company. 

anyone would be naturally drawn to taeil’s soulmate. in his eyes, she’s a goddess in the flesh. taeil doesn’t even need to see her face, from the few seconds he saw a glimpse of her, her presence and allure in itself is already eye-catching. the way her low ponytail swished from side to side as she walked, her back straight and head held high. 

taeil needs to see her again. maybe if she finds out he’s her soulmate she’ll put a good word in and he’ll get hired. 

yeah. yeah, that’s a good plan. 

“please get out of my office or i’ll call security.”

or not.

“no, wait. but i just said i’m your soulmate!” to further prove his point, he even raises up his pinky and sure enough the other end of the string is tied around hers. the incessant pull is there and if not for her sharp cold eyes anchoring him to the ground, taeil would’ve long been soaring high in cloud nine. 

“and i said i don’t care,” she snaps just as her fingers sneakily pressed a button in her phone. “i have a fiancé. the whole soulmate bullshit doesn’t apply to rich people. so for the fucking last time, get out of my office.”

“but—”

the double doors of the vice president’s office bounces off the walls when two burly guards barge in. dressed in a white long sleeves and those heavy tinted shades of glasses that taeil hates. the two men waste no time in hooking their arms underneath the smaller, frail man as he thrashes against their arms. 

“how can you not care about your soulmate?!” taeil can feel the beginning licks of the flames eating up his whole world as everything comes crashing down before his very eyes. “i’ve been—i’ve been waiting my whole life for you and this is how you treat me?!” 

he doesn’t know what hurts more, the scratch in his throat as he screamed with all his might or the stoic look written on her face as the guards haul him away. 

when johnny heard the news he’d never felt so sorry for his friend. rumors that initially circulated only between the executive board members had spread and trickled down to the common folk on the lower levels. johnny making it a mission to find out, had extracted himself from his usual cheery and extroverted self to blend in with the background. taeil has yet to talk to him after he got kicked out, so asking his friend—or ex-friend?—about what happened is out of the question. 

but like any other breed of rumor, the tale of their vice president’s soulmate barging in her office is ever changing through each mouth that tells the story. johnny doesn't know what to believe in. he’s been trying to put off a meeting with the older man ever since he started crashing in taeyong’s apartment instead. not that taeil himself even tried reaching out to johnny, anyway. 

so why should he, when he doesn’t even know what he did wrong?

but there’s a nagging voice at the back of johnny’s head. his conscience isn’t too loud but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s there and it doesn’t need excessive volumes to be heard. all it takes is a second of distraction from the paperwork he does, attention straying from the task at hand, and his body will automatically be wracked with guilt. 

knowing how much taeil had waited for his soulmate to come to his life, knowing how taeil can readily give everything up for his soulmate without even meeting them yet… and now knowing taeil just got the worst ever rejection in his entire life?

johnny can’t possibly imagine the pain he’s going through. is he really going to choose now out of all times to be petty because taeil kicked him out when he didn’t even bother asking johnny for anything in return during his stay in the apartment?

so when taeil finally contacted him, the sketchyness of what he had asked for flew right over johnny’s head. rational thoughts flying out the window because taeil needs him, he should his friend after everything taeil did for him—

“hey, uhm… i need insider’s information, can you do that for me?”

you shook your head at the long story johnny told you. tuffs of your hair have escaped the intricate pigtails taeil has put your hair up in earlier before he left for work. he’s always hated having your hair messy, but at the moment you couldn’t find yourself to care. 

“i wouldn’t put it past taeil’s original soulmate…” you think aloud, mouth speaking before you can stop yourself as you stare disdainfully at the dulled string wrapped around your pinky—it lost its divine red glow after your captor had cut it off on the same day he whisked you away.

ironic, how easy it was to destroy something so important.

you backtracked, realizing the gravity of what you said before looking up at your captor’s friend. johnny doesn’t look all too impressed and he sighs at the pleading look in your eyes. please, don’t tell him.

“i guess you’re somewhat right…” he gives in, coursing his fingers through his hair. “taeil had been… very passionate on finding his soulmate. but i mean, come on, why’d you even marry someone who isn’t your soulmate? i don’t blame taeil for doing what he did to them.”

johnny ignores the way your breath hitches and your body halts all movement. “what—what did he do?”

“paid them a ‘lil visit after gathering enough resources from someone on the inside,” his face stoic, voice monotone. johnny doesn’t like talking about this one. “he studied their schedules, where they live, where they work, how they get to work, what time they sleep, what time they wake. then just one day…” 

he drags a finger across his neck.

“oh.” 

pathetically, it was all you can say. why did you even bother to ask, anyway? if taeil had been willing to exert force just to keep you in line, then he has the stomach for whatever gruesome deaths he subjected his soulmate and her fiancé to.

you nibble on your lip as you stare at the knot of thread lying on the floor. you don’t see the need to wear the collar wrapped around your neck when that knot is good enough a reminder that you’re now bound to taeil. that he’s fucked around with your destiny and decided he’ll have you out of all people. 

its hard to believe taeil once almost worshipped the soulmate bonds, not when all he’s ever done is look at it like it's the bane of his existence and calling it a curse to humanity.

“do you know that you’re—”

“that i’m the 5th? yeah, i know. i saw all the knots on his string.” you defeatedly say, a vivid image of the knots spaced across his string like tophies. “taeil doesn’t like me staring at them, though.”

and you yourself didn’t like staring at them. you never thought something so small and insignificant can mean something so sinister. the knots on his string acting like a body counter. will he get sick of you one day and you’ll just be another knot on his string?

“you’re nothing like his soulmate—i’m not insulting you or anything, i’m just saying the truth. the past girls all had at least something in common with her but you… nothing. not even your hair shines like hers, and that’s even after taeil has taken good care of you.”

this doesn’t soothe you in any sense and before you can open your mouth to retort, the familiar beeping of the code getting punched into the keypad cuts you off. 

taeil stood in the entrance as he shrugged off his coat, his polo crinkled at some areas and pieces of his hair had escaped that slicked back hairstyle. 

“you’re home early…”

your blood runs cold when he doesn’t even offer you a glance, skipping you out and immediately addressing johnny. “i thought i told you to go home already after delivering the food.”

you admire the way johnny’s eyes roll. must be nice not to be so fucking terrified of the man. “yeah, but your current sweetheart here was lonely and practically begged me to stay.”

the sting of betrayal never grows familiar. 

“i never said anything—”

“you did, have you forgotten already?” you hate the show of lust clouding in johnny’s eyes as he stares you down. this can’t be happening right now. “have you forgotten how you even came unto me? whined like a bitch about how taeil doesn’t even fuck you hard enough and you had to fake orgasms all the time?”

“that’s not true!” your frustration manifests as tears. they sting your eyes as you look at taeil. “i never said anything—”

but you pale when you realize they’re not even listening to you, the two guys fist bumping in the foyer and exchanging a few words like “thanks for telling me,” and “no problem, bro,” were heard before taeil is heatedly storming up to you. 

you feel numb as you look over taeil’s shoulder at the little smirk johnny shoots at you. have fun, he mouths mockingly and then he’s out the door, extracting himself from the mess he created. 

when taeil wordlessly drags you across the hallway, you thought he’ll make a right turn and into the bedroom but imagine your surprise when he pulls you instead towards the bathroom. he wastes no time throwing you against the cold hard tiles as he tells you only one thing. 

“strip.”

“taeil…”

“you don’t want to be replaced.” it doesn’t take a genius to know taeil had hit the nail on the head. all your movements come to a halt, looking up at him with an unreadable look in your face. “that’s your fear, isn’t it? that if you die, if i kill you, i can just look for another girl and you’d be forgotten at the snap of a finger. i’m right, aren’t i?”

you gulp, his words stinging even if he didn’t mean for it to sting. or maybe he did. taeil takes a step closer to you, studying your appearance as he brings a hand up to caress your tear-stained face. 

spots in your clothes are wet due to the splashes of water on the tiles, and the clips in your hair that once looked neat and perfect are now hanging in disarray, falling off in some places. 

“i’m sorry,” you sob. “i’m sorry, john—johnny’s lying. you—you have to—to believe me. please don’t replace me… i’ll be good, i promise…”

truly, there’s no better motivator than fear. and there’s no better way to mess with someone’s head than using their weakness against them. 

“you say you’ll be good but i tell you to strip and you couldn’t even do that?” 

taeil could never imagine replacing you. he finds it stupid, whatever that brought in this fear of yours, but it doesn’t mean he won’t be extracting every little bit he can get out of this.

he can only stare in awe when you start wiggling your way out of your pretty pink clothes, eyes drinking every bit of your skin slowly being exposed to him as he reaches behind you to open the running water, slowly filling the bathtub.

“get in,” he instructs and you waste no time. 

as he sheds his own clothes, he can practically feel the want radiating off you. he knew johnny’s lying, but he humored his friend still. there’s no way you can fake the noises you always make. plus, taeil has seen one too many times the cum dribbling out of your cunt after he’s fucked you into oblivion. he scoffs. harder? then he’ll be breaking you in half already. 

taeil swats your hand away as it reaches for his cock and he hopes you don’t notice it twitching before you when you let out a cute whine. 

“you want it?”

you nod urgently, salavitating at the thought. taeil was more of a giver to his partners, it’s rare for him to take his pleasure first but you’re far from complaining. 

“oh, i don’t know…” he pouts, fisting himself in front of you before giving it a few testing pumps. he swallows the hiss threatening to spill from his lips, chuckling instead at the intense look in your eyes as it follows his hand movements. 

you were by far the most compliant girl he’s ever had, someone who’d rather stay than escape. his methods of forcing someone into submission worked extremely well with you. so really, how can he let go of his glorified little pet?

“you’re not lying to me, aren’t you? i got hurt, you know, with what johnny said… i guess i was doing something wrong.”

“no!” your reply is immediate. “no, that’s not true—”

hands wrap around your throat like a vice. “how about you prove it to me, love? tell me everything i want to hear.”

now, this is easy. you’ve practically memorized everything you need to tell him to boost his ego. it doesn’t even take much of an effort. 

“i love your cock so much that my body hurts. it hits all the right places inside of me and i will never even dream of wanting another man because they won’t be able to fuck me like you do.”

you feel giddy when he smiles that satisfied smile, your toes curling in anticipation as he leans in to give his obedient darling a kiss—

until he shoves your face down the water. 

it doesn’t take much effort to wrestle your limbs down and insert himself into you, groaning at the feeling of your lush and moist walls sucking him in. you’re always so damn wet when he fucks you, oh how much he loves it. loves how tighter your cunt wraps around him as you squirm and fight him to get to the surface of the half-filled tub.

it was only after a few deep thrusts did he relent and pull you up, the few hair clips in your hair floating in the water around as you gasp greedy amounts of air. one look at taeil’s face pulled in ecstasy is enough for you to know it was well worth it.

maybe being rejected by his soulmate was a blessing in disguise. maybe the disobedience of every girl he took before you had been deliberately well-planned. or else he’d never would’ve met you. 

taeil was right. all the soulmate and soulmark shit is utterly useless and stupid. because you are by no means his soulmate, but fuck he’ll never let you go.

not when your destiny is to lay there underneath him, taking whatever it is that he gave you like a good little whore. 

[diaryofabeautyfiend]

This is two parts because I got carried away. I wrote this on my phone and proof read as much as I could.

Warnings: cheating, male masturbation, m/f sex, minor spoilers for “Defending Jacob”.

——————————————————————————————

Plain Gold Ring

“Plain gold ring on his finger he wore

It was where everyone could see

He belonged to someone, but not me

On his hand was a plain gold ring”

-Nina Simone

When the Barbers moved to your building every old bitty in the place was buzzing with excitement. You had loosely followed Jacob Barber’s case as it played out on the evening news. The whole thing was bizarrely too neat and tidy for your liking. You tried to stay out of idle gossip as much as possible. But, when you heard Andy Barber was interviewing for a senior position at your firm, you had questions.

Andy was brought in to interview for a position that you were also interested in. You requested a meeting with your boss and you went in guns blazing. Your poor boss was not ready for all the excitement.

“Am I still being considered for junior partner?”

“Y/n, calm down.” When he saw you winding yourself up, he popped an antacid an a few ibuprofen.

“Calm down? Calm down he says. I’ve been with this firm since I clerked for you in Law school, Stan. I’m the best fit for this role and you know it.”

“I know you are, kid. I’ve been out voted.”

It’s common knowledge that the partners don’t want too many women gunning for their jobs. They already have one token female partner. They didn’t feel the need to add another. You were infuriated. You stomped back to your office and slammed the door.

All of the work you put in. All of the late nights. You don’t have time to even date. And all for what? You had to calm down now because you were starting to cry out of sheer frustration. You took a deep breath and started going through your to do list. With a relatively light schedule you decided to leave for the day. You mumbled something to your assistant about a doctors appointment and headed for the elevator.

You saw some of the senior partners headed your way shaking hands with Andy. You pressed the elevator button furiously trying to avoid them. Could you make it down seventeen flights of stairs in your stilettos? The elevator dinged and you jumped on just as Robert called your name.

As soon as you put your car in gear, your assistant called. You sent her to voicemail. She called again. Declined. Finally she texted call me back ASAP. Emergency. Fuck.

“Caitlan I said I had an appointment. What’s the emergency?”

“Sorry. Mr. Cramer insisted I call. He’s standing by my desk” she whispered. “They want you to have lunch with them today. Maybe it’s about the job.”

“Did you see guy shaking hands with them? That’s the new junior partner. They are asking me to lunch to reject me. Fuck! Where?” You rested your head against the steering wheel.

“Commander’s at 1:00.”

“Fine.” you groaned.

You went home to freshen up and send out your updated resume. You made sure to include “Willing to relocate” at the end to broaden your prospects. You had a friend in Chicago who worked for a very high profile firm. They were always looking for new blood. You shot her a text to let her know you were looking then emailed your resume. The prospect of starting over completely made you nauseous. You would have to go through the ranks and probably waist another five years to get exactly where you were right now.

When you arrived at the restaurant the maître d brought you to the table where Stan, several other senior partners and Andy were waiting. Andy stood up to pull out your chair.

“Gentleman. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Sit down, Y/N. We wanted to introduce you to Andrew Barber.”

“Andy. Please call me Andy. It’s very nice to meet you, Y/N. These guys haven’t stopped talking about you all morning.”

“All good things I hope.” The men laughed and ordered a round of martinis. Good thing you ate a big lunch at home. No one likes a sloppy drunk girl.

“Yes. Well, Y/N, as you may not know Andy has accepted the junior partner position. We would love if you brought him up to speed on anything you’re working on and show him the ropes.”

You were seething. “Of course Mr. Cramer. Happy to.”

“Oh. Good. Let’s order huh? I’m starving.”

You were silent for the rest of lunch ordering two more martinis very dry and a salad. Dressing on the side of course. The men spoke loudly and never even tried to include you in the conversation. You excused yourself to use the restroom. Andy, ever the gentleman, stood up at the same time.

You didn’t go back. Not that it would have mattered. You ordered an Uber and checked your email. You didn’t notice Andy at the valet stand.

“I’m headed back to the office. Need a ride?” he called to you.

“No. I’m good. Thanks though.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind.” He watched you pace back and forth reading a message almost out loud.

You didn’t look up from your phone. “Shit.” You scowled looking at the screen. You dialed Caitlan’s extension. “Caitlan, Sloan Treadaway’s deposition was moved to today. I need it pushed to Monday.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I figured you would be coming back so I told them it was ok to push it up. I can call them back.”

“No. Don’t bother. I’m on my way back.”

“Looks like you can use a ride after all.” Andy was grinning from ear to ear.

He held the door and rushed around to the other side. You pulled a small bag out of your purse. You freshened your hair, popped some breath mints, lotioned and spritzed away the smell of booze. Andy thought this must be commonplace for you. It’s not easy trying to run with the guys. He could walk into this deposition piss drunk and most people wouldn’t care. You had to be perfect. He always hated that aspect of working in a big firm like this.

“Sorry. I’ll pay to have your car cleaned.” It smelled like you now. Expensive perfume and minty breath. Sweet but not sickly so. He inhaled letting his nostrils flair breathing you in. “Don’t want your wife to be pissed.”

“Lori? Don’t worry about her. She’ll understand.”

“How is she doing with her job search?”

“Doing ok. Thanks for asking. She’s interviewed with a few places.”

“She worked for a non profit right?” When he looked at you quizzically, you quickly explained yourself. “I hear things. Anyway. I know the director of a non profit organization that might be a great fit for her. I’ll pass along her information.”

“Thank you, Y/N. I really appreciate it. Stan told me you were the front runner for this position. I know how hard it is for women in this industry. I want to say how sorry I am…”

“Let me stop you there. First of all, don’t be sorry. You’re high profile and a damn good litigator. They would be stupid not to offer you the moon. You’re over qualified for this job. You didn’t come here gunning for me. I’ll be fine. Besides, a few of these old bags have one foot in the grave. It won’t be long for me.”

Andy smiled at you but still kind of felt like shit at the way the firm treated you. When you pulled into the garage you offered a quick thanks and rushed into the building to prepare.

Andy stayed behind for a bit. He spent a few precious moments breathing in your scent, letting it linger and wash over him. He hoped his clothes would smell a little like you. Stan said you were a “fire cracker”. Andy always hated that analogy. He knew by the way the group of men talked about you that he would like you. Your quick banter in the car confirmed it. Throughout the rest of the day you would invade his thoughts. He and Lori were still married but their relationship was long over. You had excited him more in a couple of hours than she had in years. When he got home he didn’t eat dinner or speak to anyone. He went right to his room where he replayed your exchange over and over. The ghost of your perfume lingered on his shirt. Both of your scents mixed together gave him a raging hard on. He kept your shirt over his face while he fisted his cock.

——————————————————————

The next morning you decided to face the day with a fresher attitude. Sometime yesterday you heard from your friend. She was thrilled that you reached out to her. She has been trying to get you out there for a while. Knowing that you had a solid backup plan was giving your hair volume and clearing your skin.

You thought you were early but Andy was already in your office waiting for you.

“Morning, Mr. Barber.” God he loved how you said that.

He scoffed, “Andy. Please. I brought you a coffee. I hope it’s ok. I got your order from Caitlan. I thought we’d order in lunch today. We have a lot of ground to cover. You should probably let your family know you’ll be missing dinner.”

“I don’t think my dead ficus will worry too much.” Your tone was dry.

“I apologize for the assumption.”

“Not necessary. Though my mother and my therapist would both be pleased to know that I look like someone who could have a family.”

You were funny. You seemed to say whatever thought popped into your head. You had one hell of a poker face though. He didn’t know if you were trying to be funny or if this was just you. When you didn’t look up from your computer screen he didn’t laugh.

As the day wore on you warmed up to him a little. You filled him in on the three big cases you were working on. You were actually going to trial on a very important case soon. He insisted you rehearse your opening statement a hundred times.

During the third run through Andy’s phone was blowing up. He finally turned it off and told you to keep going. He watched you pace around the room and coached you on your stance. “Stand with authority not arrogance.” He chided. He showed you himself then, asked if he could touch your shoulders. “Round them out like this. Good. Back straight. See?” he pointed to your reflection in the window, “It’s not menacing or arrogant. But you look like you’re in charge. You look perfect.” Hell. Was he flirting with you? By the time you looked at the clock it was 9:30.

“Fuck is that the time?” he said with a boisterous yawn.

“Shit. We should pick this up tomorrow.”

“Let’s go get a drink. I’m buying.”

You quirked your eyebrow, “I’m sure your wife and kiddo are dying to see you.”

He stacked some folders neatly on your desk and looked up at you through his lashes, “I’ll be sure to tell my therapist that I look like a guy who has a happy marriage and a good relationship with his kid.”

Your cheeks heated. The way he was looking at you made you sad but it also warmed your insides. “I’m sorry.” you mumbled.

“Don’t worry about it. We said we would stay together until Jacob went away to school. He pretends to ignore the fact that we have separate bedrooms. We put on happy faces everyday. We’re a typical American family.”

You laughed at his admission. His whole story was so fucked up. You wanted to know everything about him. “You know, I think I will let you buy me a drink.”

“Good girl.” he said in a low voice that went strait to your core. The whole way to the car you repeated a mantra in your head reminding you not to get involved with a married man. It didn’t matter how unhappy they were. But you wanted him. Every time he touched you, your insides would quake.

The bar was packed with regulars from the DA’s office and other firms. You introduced Andy around. The guy was a legitimate pro. He was so smooth working the room. The whole time he kept finding small ways to touch you. The brush of his fingers on your arm his breath against your ear when he asked if wanted another drink. Your heart nearly stopped. You stuck with him for a while until your feet couldn’t stand anymore. Every time he caught your eye from across the room he winked at you.

For the first time in a long time Andy was enjoying himself. Your friends were fun and not at all stuffy like he thought this crowd would be. You were adorable. Your laugh was cute. The way you brushed against him on purpose was cute. You were openly flirting with him the more you drank. He had a massive crush on you. What grown man has a crush these days. He thought maybe if he fucked you and got it out of his system he’d get over it.

Your friend Liz sat down at your table trying to talk to you for a solid minute before you noticed. “Sorry. I was distracted. What were you saying?” She threw her head back laughing at you.

“I said you two would make a gorgeous couple.”

“Stop. He’s married.”

“Happily?”

“That doesn’t matter. Married is married.”

“So that’s a no. He’s been eye fucking you all night. Shoot your shot, darling. We get so few in this life.” The light hit his wedding ring just right making you feel horrible for even entertaining the thought. Do not get involved. You kept chanting it in your head over and over until Andy slid in the booth next to you. He leaned over so he could talk over the din of the crowd.

“Hey, you. Wanna get out of here?”

“You don’t need to bring me home, Andy. I can catch an Uber.” That was such a ridiculous statement since you lived in the same building.

“That’s not what I asked. I said do you wanna get out of here?” His eyes were fixed on your mouth. A salacious grin splayed across his lips just knowing you’d give in.

“Andy. I….” You stuttered over your words. Your brain stopped working when you felt his warm breath on the shell of your ear. “Let’s get out of here.” Your breath hitched in your chest when he touched the small of your back. He payed his tab and lead you out of the bar.

You held hands in the car. His thumb rhythmically traced patterns on your knuckles. Every touch sent bolts of arousal to your aching cunt. It felt electric. You were ready to crawl into his lap by the time you made it into the garage. He parked in his spot and followed behind you to the elevator. You lived two floors below him. You glanced back at Lori’s sensible suv next to his car and felt embarrassed. He caught you looking and stopped you in your tracks. He took your chin in between his thumb and index finger forcing you to look at him.

“I understand if you don’t want to invite me in. I’m asking a lot of you. But I really like you, Y/N. You are funny and intimidatingly smart. And, fuck me, you are fucking stunning. I can go to work tomorrow like nothing happened. Don’t worry about Lori. Worry about what this means working together. Can you handle this?”

Your brain was no longer working and deferred to your pussy for any and all further decisions. You had not had even mediocre sex in six months. You just knew Andy was going to blow your mind. All day you have been working together so well. You challenged each other and he encouraged you when you faltered. Would this change the dynamic at work? Absolutely. Could you handle it? You’re damn right you could.

“I can handle it.”

“Good girl.” You all but sprinted to the elevator. He wouldn’t touch you until you actually got inside of your apartment and closed the door. When you did, he pushed against you and covered your lips with his.

You tasted the golden flavor of beer on his tongue as it probed your mouth. He unbuttoned your blouse and pushed it over your shoulders letting it hit the floor. He kissed his way down the column of your neck to the swell of your breasts. You panted underneath him raking your nails through his hair.

“God you smell incredible. At any point if you don’t want this….”

“Andy, shut up and fuck me.” He growled low in his throat before he picked you up and carried you to your bedroom. You could see how hard he was through his impeccably tailored slacks. You unzipped his fly and took the whole throbbing appendage in your mouth.

“Fuck, baby yes.” he hissed. You relaxed your throat muscles and swallowed him deeper. “You look so pretty with my cock in your mouth.” He moaned your name over and over soaking your panties. “Stop, honey. Let me see that pretty pussy.”

He eased you down onto the bed and undressed you painfully slow. It had been so long since he was intimate with someone, he wanted to take his time. He started with your feet removing your heels and massaging your insteps. His hands ran up the length of your legs to your skirt. He took off your panties first letting the skirt material pool around your waist. “So wet for me. So beautiful.” He slipped two fingers in between your folds hitting everywhere but your clit. He built up a tortuous rhythm that had you begging for relief. He smiled down at you watching completely fall apart. When he dipped his fingers inside of you, you were done. Your orgasm spilled out in one glorious cry. Before you could catch your breath he pulled off your skirt and unhooked your bra. His cock was weeping at the sight of you. A large hand held the back of your neck holding your head in place so you could look at him. Your eyes locked as he buried himself inside of you. There were no more words as he moved inside of you. Only breathless moans and sighs would escape your lips. He increased his pace and your orgasm started building again.

“Fuck. Andy, I’m….fuck!”

“I’m with you, honey. Come with me.” His words were your undoing. You latched your whole body onto him. He held you tight whispering praises in your ear. He kissed you slow and deep easing you back down to Earth. “You ok?”

“I think so.” You both laughed at the sight of yourselves. Sweat glistening off of your skin, lips puffy and kiss swollen. He eased off of you and rubbed your thighs to relax you. You thought he would get dressed and rush out but he crawled under the covers instead.

“Can I stay for a while?” Big arms pulled you down to his chest. He stroked your back softly to help you drift off to sleep.

“I’d like it if you did.” He pressed a kiss onto the top of your head and let his eyes flutter closed.

When dawn found you a few hours later, you were still tangled with each other. You jolted awake panicking because Andy was still in your bed. “Andy, wake up. You stayed all night.”

“I know. What time is it?”

“6:45.”

“Then we have time. Go back to sleep.”

“But Lori…”

“I told you not to worry about her. Get back on this pillow and let me hold you. Please.” The poor guy was so touch starved you guessed. Andy Barber was not a man who did well being single. He loved being in love. He longed for a connection. For passion. He knew those things would sometimes fizzle out of a marriage. But, with you, he couldn’t see that. Your fire matched his fire and Lori was the wet blanket that always snuffed him out.

He supposed that wasn’t really fair. Two people were in their marriage. He worked long hours and spent very little time doing anything but being an ADA and being a dad. He didn’t give the same dedication to being Lori’s partner. The stress of this past year pushed them further apart. He felt obligated to be with her. It was his idea to stay together for Jacob’s sake. He regretted pushing for it.

He pulled you close to his body and wrapped an arm around your waist. He nuzzled your hair and fell back to sleep. You did too.

[shadowdianne]

Fic writer review [Or a fic writer tag game if you prefer]

I was tagged by @naralanis and I can already see her grin all the way from where I am xd Thank you, dear, for the tag, let’s see what are my answers, shall we.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

*bursts out laughing* Adding both pseuds I have… 535 according to the account info but by counting them all I’m reaching 541 so I’m guessing it’s counting some drafts I need to re-find.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

I seriously hated you for this one xd I was going to do it by hand by I decided one-third there that I value my mental stability a little bit more xd according to the stats page back at a03 that number would be 1257884. It may be wrong. I think there should be a few more numbers up there but the majority of my works are one-shots so *shrugs* There’s also the fact that counting my ao3 things only is shaving off like half of it Xd Anyway, can we laugh at the fact that I’m a pain in the ass and that I’ve written a lot? More than I should have, that’s for sure

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Trick question because I haven’t crossposted everything I wrote back in ffnet and I actually erased some fics from my account back there so the numbers are a little blurry there.

When I had the entirety of my work posted both in ffnet and a03 I had written for: Twilight (Bella/Alice) Glee (Faberry and there were a couple Pezberry and I don’t fucking remember the pairing name for Santana and Quinn), Harry Potter (Hermione/Ginny, Hermione/Narcissa, Hermione/Bellatrix) OUAT (SwanQueen and several oneshots focusing on the mad hatter and the blue fairy solely back at ffnet that were written in Spanish and never translated), I actually had a veeeery old au prompt of Frozen (Elsanna in where I wrote them as non sibilings), Rizzoli and Isles (Rizzles), Dishonored 2 (Emily Kaldwin/Alexi Mayhew), Lara Croft and Wonder Woman, Supergirl (SuperCorp/Supercat) I had a 100 one -or maybe two??- (Clexa), The Shannara Chronicles (Amberle/Eretreia [Or Princess Rover], Rwby [Blake Belladona/Yang], The Worst Witch (Hecate Hardbroom and Pippa Pentangle), The Half of it, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (Madam Satan/Zelda Spellman) and… I think that’s it(?) I may be forgetting some but probably nothing important if I’m not remembering it lol.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

Ah, we are going to go there, uh? Xd My works are not the kudos and comment getting type Xd So I was quite surprised when I went to check this.

1: Cracked it I wrote this one back in 2017, it was a prompt done by an anon: Lena is nerding with one of her projects at home, mumbling mostly to herself because she’s stuck and Kara casually mentions how to solve the problem like it’s nothing. I really had some fun with this. It was back when some us, SQeeners were fully doing the jump between OUAT and SuperGirl (I mean, there had already been some crossover as for fandom is related but this when the girls were actually getting their conjoined voice within the fandom)

2: Dateless I honestly needed to check what this one was about but I think I can see why this one shot has the amount of kudos it has. It’s a short and sweet idea and responds to the Teachers Au that went SO well with SQ. Everyone thinks they hate each other and try to set them up with other people whilst they, in truth, are dating. I don’t remember if I wrote them as married rather than dating but despite being from 2017 as well is one cheeky enough to be cool Xd I probably would edit some lines now *shudders*

3: After you I truly didn’t expect this one to be top 3. Makes me think of a lot of things, if I’m being honest Xd. After you was a one shot written almost feverishly as an answer to the fabulous drawings that Sejic did of both Lara Croft and Wonder Woman back at 2018 or something. It’s just Lara and Diana being himbos but not at all with each other.

4: How about… How about is one I remember perfectly, it was my answer to the ending of the Half of it film. I had SOME thoughts about it, let’s just stop there Xd I really liked the film itself but I think and I thought at the time that my response to wishing for a final scene at the very end of the credits responds to me being in a different personal moment than the characters. I really wanted to explore my feelings about it and so I wrote about them finding each other again after some time passes. It was also something I wrote after quite the hiatus so I took it as something I could write about without focusing too much on the why.

5: Come to me

Ahh, SuperCorp Xd I remember this one actually. A friend of mine and I were talking about descriptions, and she mentioned quite off-handedly how she wanted a fic in where Kara’s back was described. I complied… more or less.

Fun tidbit, despite the big volume of my work is obviously set in ouat there’s only 1 SQ fic there as you can see, the others are either SuperCorp or the random one shots I created for Wonderwoman/Lara Croft and The half of it. *sighs in deep thought* I’m also not going to look too much into how almost all of the fics were posted and written back in 2017. Nope, not at all.

*Small voice screaming you peaked in 2017 and everything else is garbage jumps back and forth*

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I tend to always respond, yup. I truly value comments. I might have gone for spells of time in where I didn’t have the mental capacity to check in old fics because I truly didn’t know what to answer but I treasure every single comment and you all who comment know that I can start to ramble in the answers xd -sorry about that- I really really REALLY love interaction.

6. A fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending:

Ok, Nara, come on, this one is a catch for me. I’ve written angst in far too many fics to remember the angstiest one :P I have the most recent one, though, that is the easy one to think about: Goodbye.Written for @delirious-comfort. I’m just going to say “Kisses with their last dying breath” as an idea of what awaits inside but I’ve written about death and loss and angst quite a lot. There were some I wrote back to SQ with Regina needing to kill Emma during the Dark Swan arc that, to this day, I still love and some others in where Regina is the one that dies, again and again, trapped by magic while Emma watches. I have the loss in mental destruction form and… I REALLY like my angst y’know xd

7. Do you write crossovers?

Not counting Lara and Wonder Woman not really! I think it comes from the fact that I loooove worldbuilding as a whole and some pairings would require all my focus into making the world perfect which in turn would make me self conscious on the OOCness of it all.

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

*snorts* I’ve received hate due to the pairing I’ve written about, how I’ve written about it, the amount I’ve written, how slow or quick I can be, the usage of some tropes, the lack of usage of those same tropes… Let’s just go with: yuuuup.

9. Do you write smut?

I’ve written smut, yeah! But I can already see the pointed looks of some so let’s elaborate Xd I write smut when asked and sometimes when not asked but there’s a part of me I like to call a terrible tease that prefers writing the beginning of a scene, taunt it, focus on what happens before the sex scene per se as I find it more enjoyable to write. The process of escalation is always the best for me to see what can I do it by using both dialogue and descriptors tbh, so I tend to tease more than show.

9. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

A few weeks ago I’d have said: Maybe(?) But trying to follow the trail of some other fics that had been stolen from some friends -I think it was me trying to find more about the page that stole something from your Nara!- I found some pages in where my fics had been reposted. In some it was stated that the person posting the fic wasn’t the author but I had never been contacted in order to see if I’d say yes to such a thing and in some others the page was locked up but I could still see someone was pretending to be the author. I did the thing and got some of those down.

Pointed note: Ask me if you want to post or translate or anything. I will look into you and answer you if you seem honest about the thing. But despite every joke and self-deprecating comment those 500 and then some fics represent MY time so very kindly I say fuck off to those who wish to steal from me and if I catch you… you don’t really want to see me angry, trust me.

10. Ever had a fic translated?

I’ve given permission to some, yeah, but never heard it back from them so I’m guessing it didn’t stick.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic?

I’ve written series alongside other authors as @stregaomega for example. And some others that are unpublished -looking at you @carsonnieve - I’ve also done collabs… but fics co-written in the sense of two authors same chapters I don’t have anything posted I’m afraid :P

13. All-time favourite ship?

*snorts*, I guess the obvious answer is SQ uh? And I do think they were the ones that allowed me to read and write SO much. The one I feel more strongly about, however, is Bering and Wells from Warehouse 13.

14. WIP you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

All of them counts as a valid answer? But if I only could finish one that would be Arcadia. With A forgotten Promise second and the one I did as an Assassins Creed AU third. (I don’t remember the name so there’s no link, sorry xd)

15. Writing strengths?

Uhhhh, you REALLY want me to say that? I don’t fucking know!! To me everything I write is garbage. I always try to go for the feelings so I guess. Dunno xd I’ve been told I’m good at worldbuilding and to be honest is what I enjoy the most.

16. Writing weaknesses?

Everything Xd Pacing? What I hate the most sometimes is dialogue, I would count it as a weakness but I’m always far too focused on description rather than dialogue. I don’t think it’s a bad thing per se but it’s something that I don’t do as much.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I’m conflicted. Always. Majorly because I think that having bilingual characters in fanfiction is portrayed and expected in a way that I don’t feel it’s honest with how bilingual people -us- talk. So if I go by what I know I do I think it’s not what readers hope to see when it comes to that and if I go for how canonically is hoped to be found I don’t think it’s logical. But that’s me and my overthinking Xd If I have the option I like to do it.

18. First fandom you ever wrote for?

Belice! Or Bella/Alice. Worst first fic ever but oh, well, I’m always saying that :P

19. What’s your fav fic you’ve written so far?

Uhh… Don’t make me do this XD Agh, I don’t know. I’ve always been very vocal about Metallic Ink because I let myself enjoy the process of creating a magic system almost out of zero and that was fun. Despite hating some of the writing process and that I’d do it differently now I think I’m going to stick with that answer. Or anything that had any steampunk-based undertone. To be honest I like more thinking of concepts, I had one in where Emma was a thief and it involved the robbery of a ring that was Regina’s one way ticket to freedom I then later repurposed that I adored thinking about so let’s go with…. Yeah, I love having the option of changing things up a little and focus on how characters would fit in different aesthetics for this one Xd

Annnd… these are four pages, gods. I’m just going to tag @waknatious @carsonnieve @stregaomega here and see what they do- Enjoy the questionnaire ladies :P

[ateezmakemeweep]

richboy!yeosang (part 3)

word count: 6k

fluff, smut

(part 2) (miniseries masterlist)

except that. 

that was probably the one thing you could’ve said to him that’d be really bad and panic-inducing; because out of all the things he was thinking, he would’ve never suspected that.

he thought maybe you wanted to change your major or quit your job, stressors that the average college student had and went through during their time as a young adult.

but you getting pregnant after years of being on birth control? he never would’ve guessed that.

and he supposes right now, as he gets his ass handed to him by seonghwa, he’s seeing that neither did you.

“no, no, let me get this right,” the man begins. 

“she tells you after a month of being terrified that she’s carrying your child. you guys scream and yell at each other for a little bit, in typical yeosang fashion. she cries, tells you to fuck off and then you... actually do fuck off and come here?” seonghwa asks, leant against the doorframe as he watches yeosang’s unmoving body plopped face down on his couch.

“does that sound about right?”

he had figured yeosang was the late night food he ordered, ignoring the way his face was gonna puff in the morning and excitedly opening the door. 

but then his best friend of over ten years came barreling in, lowly growling expletive after expletive before adding that, “oh and by the way, you’re gonna be an uncle.”

seonghwa thought he was kidding at first, staring at the boy sitting with his head in his hands before he looked up and saw all the tension and stress and... sadness, he thinks, in his friend’s eyes.

“what happened?” seonghwa asked, his voice soft and kind even though yeosang came tearing in there like a storm; it’s one of the reasons the boy came here, honestly, knowing that his friend would help him through any crisis. 

and right now, he felt like he didn’t know what the fuck to do.

“i’m pregnant.”

he didn’t even register the words at first, distracted by your tear-stained face and watery, scared eyes, wanting to do anything in his power to stop them.

but then after a few seconds, it’s like his brain finally woke up and registered the two simple words that just left your mouth.

“what?”

“i’m pregnant, yeosang,” you mumble quietly, not being able to bask in the relief that comes over you because you’re still so scared.

you’re relieved that you told him and happy it’s not a dirty little secret anymore but you’re still terrified of what’s to come; especially when, after you say it, silence fills the apartment.

you can’t tell if it’s a good silence or a bad silence, you just know you could hear a fucking pin drop and that scares you even more.

“how are you.... when did you...” he stutters out, not being able to get his thoughts together.

you daringly peek your head up to see him shaking his and staring down at the floor with furrowed brows, finally meeting your gaze with confusion and utter shock in his eyes.

“you’re on the pill,” yeosang states obviously, like it wasn’t the first thing you, mingi and yunho said too. “how did that even happen?”

“i don’t know, that’s what i said,” you tell him, shaking your own head because it really is hard to believe this is happening to you, of all people; you’ve heard of this happening before but no one ever thinks it could happen to them, that they’d be the 1% (or 9%, as mingi suggested) that birth control fails on.

“did you forget to take it or something?” he asks, no malice in his tone but the words making you raise an eyebrow at him; he’s not seriously about to blame you for this?

“no, yeosang, i didn’t forget to take it,” you snap. “you know i’m careful and set an alarm. i’ve been on it for years.”

“babe, i didn’t mean it like that,” yeosang says, hearing the snippy tone in your voice and wincing at the look on your face.

he makes his way over from his spot on the couch to crouch below you, his hands resting on your kneecaps as you sit stiffly with your feet under you. the soft apologetic look on his face should soothe you but instead you find yourself slightly irritable. 

“i’m just confused as to how this happened,” he says softly, his eyes roaming your face in a way that makes tears continue to sting yours. you don’t know if you’re mad or upset, you just feel like you wanna cry.

“well then that makes two of us,” you mumble, a sigh leaving yeosang’s mouth as he rests his head on your legs. his forehead is warm against your cold skin as you let out a sigh of your own, not wanting to snap at him during a moment like this. 

you lace your fingers in his hair as the two of you just come to terms with everything, yeosang’s breathing a little more calm and even against your skin.

“so that’s why you were puking,” he realizes aloud, a humorless laugh leaving you as you nod your head in confirmation.

“yup. not a virus but morning sickness.”

your boyfriend has the slightest pout on his lips as he recalls how sick you felt those first few days, running his thumbs along your knee gently.

but then he remembers you started puking nearly a month ago, which was then followed by all your weird behavior he chopped up to you still feeling sick and stressed over work.

your abnormal distance, your lack of interest in sex, a far away look in your eye any time he was trying to talk to you; he feels a slight sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach before he even asks the question.

“when did you find this out?”

he doesn’t mean to blurt the question out so forcefully but he can tell he does, hears it in his own voice and sees your face snap down to him with a look of guilt.

that was the one thing he noticed about you right away, you weren’t able to lie. you were always such an easy read and it’s one of the reasons he took such an interest in you.

he knew what pissed you off and he knew what made you flustered; but in turn, he also always knows when you lie or when you feel uncomfortable and annoyed.

when he’s met with silence, he moves away from your lap and stands in front of you. he pulls you up and over to the couch so you can both sit side by side, his body turned to look at you carefully.

his gaze is intense and scrutinizing and it only makes you that more nervous to answer.

you’ll never forget when yunho said that’s what made him so intimidating. the way he could have the softest, sweetest eyes but then also pierce through your very soul and make you nearly fall to his feet.

“baby...” he tries again, bringing his hand to your face gently.

he turns so you can look at him and you see his eyes flash when he notices more tears have welled up, stomach sinking as fear and shame build.  

“answer me, please,” he begs softly, trying to keep his emotions at bay but also hating to see you like this.

you press your lips together so you don’t let out a pathetic sob, your eyes roaming his face before you bite the bullet and begin telling him.

“when yunho came over that first week i was sick,” you start, remembering the boy only insisted on visiting because yeosang went back to school and work and didn’t want you being alone. 

“then mingi came over and was the one who said it. i-i didn’t think it was possible but we went and got tests anyway and... they were all positive, yeosang. all fucking five of them and i didn’t know what to do. i was a wreck on this couch until you got home.”

“you should’ve told me right away, baby, what the fuck,” yeosang says, his voice strangely soft despite the louder volume and curses leaving him. 

you feel comforted by the fact that even as you tell him this, he pulls you closer into his warm body and wraps his arms around you.

he hates thinking that for a month, you were terrified and dealing with this alone. keeping it from him when he thinks he could’ve made you feel better about this whole scary moment - it’d be better if you guys were afraid together.

“i was so scared and i didn’t know how you’d take it,” you mutter to him, not wanting to make him feel bad but also wanting to be honest. “i didn’t know if you’d be mad or surprised and you just seemed so stressed with work and stuff... i didn’t wanna make it worse.”

his heart sinks as he listens to your words, allowing yourself to be full of anxiety and stress just to spare him.

“my love...” his deep voice mumbles lowly, your stomach flipping at the warm affection in his tone. his hand cupping your face immediately makes your body relax against him, finally gaining the courage to look him in the eyes.

his gaze is less intense and scrutinizing, now full of love and affection and warmth that already makes you feel just a little bit better. 

maybe keeping this a secret wasn’t that big of a deal, maybe he understands because he’s going through the same fears and anxieties you were at first.

“now, why would i be mad about you being pregnant?” he asks, a small smile on his face as he looks over you questioningly. “surprised? sure. but we just talked about it, baby.... i want a family with you. i mean... i was thinking a little bit later in life but if you’re so eager now...” 

you narrow your eyes at his teasing and smack his arm lightly, almost wanting to whine about how calm and nonchalant he’s being about this. 

how is he not absolutely terrified right now? how is he teasing and smiling and talking as if a tiny person isn’t gonna pop out in nine months and change your entire life?

“how could you possibly be this calm about it?” you ask him with an annoyed groan, leaning back on the couch to rest your pounding head on the armrest. “i spent weeks crying and sick to my stomach about it.”

“maybe because you were keeping it from me,” he mutters sarcastically, his hands resting next to your head as he looms above you. 

you can only respond with your lips in the smallest of pouts, a smirk crossing his mouth before he meets yours in a chaste kiss.

it’s the most real and intense a kiss has felt between you two in weeks, his hand creeping over to hold your jaw tightly. you welcome his tongue eagerly, your own lapping against his before you two smile into the kiss.

“for real, though,” he mutters when he eventually pulls back, chests heaving from lack of air and a need to reconnect lips. “i know you’re scared and so i am. but it’ll be okay. i’m... kind of excited, actually.”

you smile softly at him, a tiny “really?” leaving your mouth that has him nodding and smiling proudly. you reach up to peck his cheek sweetly, the calmness that evaded you for weeks finally coming back to ground you.

“but don’t keep anything else from me, okay? i wanna be part of these things and know about this, babe.”

“okay,” you say breathily, his eyes so thoughtful and loving you can feel your heart swelling in your chest. 

and it doesn’t even occur to you in that moment to mention the doctor visit you already had; you’re just so distracted by his positive reaction and the need to kiss him, finally allowing yourself to deepen it and give yourself over to him.

you missed him and his touch and his lips on you, straddling his lap as you giggle into the kiss.

it’s after a few minutes of silence, you both laying there with heaving chests and your clothes littered on the floor from nearly an hour of making up for lost time, that yeosang starts tracing shapes on your stomach. 

lines and circles and even a heart that makes you bite back a smile. his own deep chuckle rings through the air a few seconds later, your head craning to the side to look at him.

“why are you laughing?” you ask, a smile pulling at your lips.

“i just... can’t believe this,” he says happily, his warm hands on your skin making your heart jump. 

“and i think it’s pretty funny that fucking mingi was the one who came to this conclusion,” yeosang laughs out, his long, gentle fingers pressing down mindlessly. “like how’d he even know about...morning sickness and shit?”

“i don’t know to be honest,” you giggle out, thinking back to the boy’s meltdown in the doctor’s office.

and maybe because you were so happy and giddy about his reaction, his warm hands on you and the soft smile on his face and the bliss from multiple orgasms, you didn’t even think about your next words.

you were just so excited to share these things with him now, let him in on the past few weeks of what you were going through and wanted to be going through with him. 

“you should’ve seen his face at the doctor, though, he looked horrified when he saw the sonogram machine. and then when they presumed he was the father, oh, my god, he nearly-”

“wait, wait, wait, what? the doctor?”

your face falls when you hear the immediate change in his voice, something mixed of hurt and disbelief as he sits up and looks at you in confusion. 

“when did you go there?”

“i... well, two days after i took the tests. we just wanted to make sure the results were right,” you say quietly, voice small and soft as your stomach starts to churn. “a-and i wanted to make sure i was, you know, healthy and stuff.”

you remember the horror stories and scary incidences of ectopic pregnancies, aware and terrified of just how many things could go wrong - and mingi was quick to remind you himself as well.

“i mean i get that,” yeosang says, surprised by how hurt and upset he’s feeling now. “but like... when were you gonna tell me you already went? the first appointment seems kind of like a big deal, y/n. i wish you would’ve told me then.”

“i was scared, yeosang,” you attempt to justify again, knowing it was wrong to keep it from him but also feeling as if you have the right to be a little nervous and scared shitless. “i didn’t know how to handle it and you were stressed, like, that whole time, i didn’t wanna-”

“i’ll never be too stressed for you, what don’t you get by now, y/n?” he snaps, “have i not proved that to you?” 

“of course you have but this is different, yeosang,” you tell him, joining as you sit up and look at him with wide eyes. he was fine about it a few seconds ago, why is this so different? 

“this is me being pregnant and possibly changing our life forever. you said you wanted to be married first. you said not for a while. so i didn’t know how you were gonna-”

“i love you, y/n,” he laughs out, shaking his head half in disbelief. 

how did you think he was gonna react? go crazy and tell you he didn’t want to be with you anymore? have a mental breakdown because he was a little stressed over his stupid boss and mundane work?

“do you not get how much i actually fucking love you? how could you think i was gonna react in any way but happy?”

“because i wasn’t happy,” you blurt out, his eyes widening and face dropping. 

“i mean i wasn’t upset or angry about it but i was so fucking scared, yeosang,” you quickly correct. you want this baby and you want this life with him, you’re just... how did this go so wrong so fast? 

“my body’s gonna change and our life is gonna change. i’ll probably have to take some time off from school and all of that scared me. and i thought it would scare you, too.”

“it does scare me but i know we’ll get through it, y/n. especially if we’re on the same page. the same way we’ve been on the same page for these past few years. we’ll be okay but you can’t keep shit from me. that’s how we got this far.”

“i didn’t mean it in a bad way,” you whisper, hearing that edge in his voice he always gets when he starts to get mad or dwell on something. 

he was hurt by you keeping it from him but he’s even more hurt you did such a big first step without him.

“i didn’t know you’d wanna come to the appointment with me.”

“how could you think i’d not wanna be there, y/n?” he asks before his face darkens and a tick begins to form in his jaw. “and then you take another man, no less? mingi looked like the baby’s father.”

and it’s like once he says that, you can’t control the outburst of emotions that erupt out of you. him being upset, you understand, but being upset that mingi, your gay best friend who has a fiancé, went with you? when you were scared and freaking out and felt like you didn’t know what to do without him?

“are you fucking kidding me?” 

his eyebrows shoot up at the bite in your words, his eyes flaring as they watch you stare him down.

“i’m sorry i didn’t tell you, i really am, yeosang, and that was wrong of me. but i went with mingi. my best friend, who was there for me when i was terrified.”

“you didn’t let me be there for you,” he bites back, hating that a fight is starting but both of you feeling far too angry and hurt right now. “why are you making it seem like i didn’t wanna be a part of it when you didn’t fucking tell me?” 

“are you gonna keep throwing that in my face? i’ve told you over and over again i was scared, yeosang. i’m still fucking scared and i’m sorry i can’t be as calm as you about this but i didn’t know what to do.”

“it’s not about being calm, y/n, it’s about telling me things. were you not even gonna tell me you went? pretend as if our first time going together was your first check up?” 

he feels like he’s being a little bit of a bitch about it at this point but he’s truthfully too hurt to care. 

he thought he made it clear he wanted a life and a family with you. he was ready to go out and buy you a ring if you said you wanted to get married right now; so why didn’t you get he wanted to be there for you, no matter what? 

he wants to be there during every step of the way, not just when things are easy and fun.

“i didn’t even think about it,” you snap, hurt and upset by his accusations. “i didn’t think you’d be this upset, yeosang. you weren’t upset five seconds ago when i told you i kept it from you for a month so why are you upset about this?” 

he can’t hear how small and sad your voice is, only focused on your words and the way they make him feel even more upset and frustrated. 

“because... that’s different, y/n. that’s something a father should be there for and that’s something that makes it real.’

“that’s exactly why it scared me,” you tell him, tears burning your eyes and your voice barely above a whisper. “and that’s why i needed someone there with me.”

“it should’ve been me there with you,” he growls lowly, possessiveness and anger creeping up on him before he can even think. 

but he can only picture you scared and vulnerable as you hear the news about your baby, listening to the doctor congratulate you and holding mingi’s hand tightly because you’re scared to hear it from a real, human source. 

“do you not think i know that?” you snap, voice raising as you jump up from your spot on the couch. “i already told you i’m sorry, yeosang. i don’t know why you’re not hearing that i’m fucking scared.”

you wanted him from the second you started taking the pregnancy tests, since the second the words pregnancy were even said. but you wanted him to be content and stress-free more, you wanted him to be okay hearing this news and not potentially destroy your relationship. 

“and if you’re just gonna keep making me feel bad about it then how about you just fuck off. because i really don’t need this right now.”

he doesn’t have anything nice to say so he doesn’t say anything, watching as you attempt to wipe at your face discretely and take off toward your shared bedroom. 

the sound of the door slamming echoes through the apartment, the knot in yeosang’s stomach only growing more as he gets up and stomps over to throw his shoes on, a similar sound echoing from the entrance of the apartment before silence fills the darkness. 

seonghwa waits until yeosang looks up at him to walk over to the boy, plopping down on the chair across from him to shrug his shoulders. 

“so... why’d you come here then?” 

“i didn’t know where else to go.”

a smirk crosses the boy’s face as he shakes his head, letting out a sigh as he watches his friend carefully.

long gone were those high school feelings of envy and suppressed anger over the situation, able to see now, three years later, that yeosang was the one meant for you. 

getting away from you two proved to work for him, distracting himself in a foreign country with foreign friends and foreign girls until he came back and saw how happy you two still were.

and all he really ever wanted was for you two to be happy - and he’s positive you two are gonna get past this by tomorrow morning. because he’s never seen a couple more perfect for each other, even despite your blowout fights. 

“well, do you wanna know what i think?” 

yeosang rolls his eyes up to look at his friend, the cocky grin and glint in his eyes already not sitting well with him.

“not really. i came here to vent and lay on your expensive couch.”

“you got me that couch, asshole.”

“exactly,” yeosang says, resting his head back on the cushion and almost regretting purchasing this for seonghwa’s housewarming present and not his own. 

“anyway you dick,” seonghwa says, suppressing the chuckle threatening to leave him. “i think you’re a fucking idiot for leaving her and have to go back home.” 

and just as yeosang opens his mouth to speak, unsure of what he’s gonna say but feeling the need to say something, seonghwa raises his pointer finger and cuts the boy off.

“you have to remember it’s gonna be her body and her life being impacted the most by this. i get why you’re upset that she went without you, i’d probably be hurt too, but it’s how she felt most comfortable at the time. you can’t get mad at her for that. it’s fucking scary, yeosang, and i’m surprised you’re not more terrified about it.”

yeosang listens to seonghwa’s words, letting them soak in his pounding head that’s now screaming at him for leaving you home alone in the first place.

he knows his friend is right and he knows he might’ve overreacted a little. 

but he also thinks he’s a little more scared than he’s letting on, wanting to be strong and secure for you but also knowing firsthand how important being a good father is.

it took him long enough to figure out how to be a good boyfriend, he would hate if it took him that long to become a good father and mess up his child along the way. 

but he thinks because he has you, the whole journey will be a lot easier. 

“i’m scared but i love her,” yeosang says, the words so sweet and honest and soft, seonghwa’s surprised to hear them leave his friend so easily. “i’ve had every intention of marrying her and becoming the father of her kids. so it doesn’t seem that scary, i guess.” 

seonghwa feels his heart pull in his chest at the mere fact this is the same friend who used to never let anyone in, would purposely isolate himself and self sabotage and thought being an asshole was easy because it pushed people away. 

but he tried to push you away and it only seemed to bring you two together, a smile pulling on seonghwa’s lips before he bites down on them quickly. 

“you fucking sap.”

yeosang’s head snaps up at his friend, an annoyed expression crossing his face before he grabs the pillow next to him and promptly whips it at his friend. 

“shut up. that’s you and will always be you. little bitch.”

seonghwa snorts as he cranes his neck to the side, eyes roaming the dark night sky and high rises of the city. silence falls between the two boys as they sit with their thoughts, yeosang about you and wondering what you’re doing and seonghwa wondering where the fuck his food-

a knock on the door causes him to spring up, rushing over and sighing in relief when he’s greeted with his late night pancake order. yeosang nosily peeks his head over the couch, his interest heightening when he sees his friend carrying a to-go box of food. 

“what’d you get?”

“none of your business,” seonghwa responds, placing the box on the table before disappearing into the kitchen. 

yeosang rolls his eyes before making his way over to the table, his eyebrows knitting together before he lets out a humorless laugh. almost one of disbelief.

"of course, why wouldn't you be stealing the last free muffin," yeosang hums sarcastically, a smirk on his lips that has you snatching your hand away.

"you're mean," you whine, resisting the urge to stick your tongue out at him, "they were out of chocolate chip pancakes and i'll have you know i was willing to spend the $10."

"wow, $10," he says, tone dripping with sarcasm as he picks up the muffin and resists the urge to smile when a pout covers your face.

he remembers that day at the ski lodge feeling like it was longest one of his life, the night quickly falling before the power outage landed you in his room.

it’s when he confessed all of his tragic tales to you, something he hid from everyone and told you simply because a part of him was overwhelmed to. 

it didn’t excuse how he treated you but he’d hoped you’d understand after hearing that why you should stay away from him.

why trying to see any good in him at that point in his life was ridiculous. 

but you never stopped and he remembers to this day that’s when he allowed himself to fall for you, blew all his trauma and caution and doubts to the wind and tried to be worthy for someone like you. 

but he also remembers seonghwa coming in and looking at him like he was about to beat the shit out of him that night, whisking you away before they started to fight over you in dramatic, movie night fashion. 

it’s why he didn’t even hesitate to think back to that morning with you, the pout on your face and sad look in your eye about not being able to eat those $10 chocolate chip pancakes ingrained in his mind.

“can i still order room service?” he asked the front desk, the flustered voices on the other end of the phone letting out a frustrated groan before telling him yes; it probably wasn’t the nicest thing to do after an unexpected power outage shocked the staff, but he needed a one up on seonghwa at the time. 

“can i have an order of chocolate chips pancakes then?”

“don’t even try it,” seonghwa growled at the boy, pushing him away before plopping down on the dining room chair. 

yeosang let out a snort as he raised an eyebrow at the boy, looking from him to the food then back to him. without a second thought, and only a little bit of a distasteful sigh, seonghwa plopped a pancake on the lid for his friend and pushed it away from him. 

“only because i’m gonna be an uncle.”

“maybe a godfather, who knows,” yeosang mutters, a smile breaking out across seonghwa’s face before he promptly shovels a pancake in his mouth. 

the two sit in silence for a few moments, sounds of chewing and disgusted looks being thrown back and forth before seonghwa swallows and begins to speak. 

“for real, though, it’s cool you guys are gonna be parents. you’ll be a good dad, yeosang.”

the boy looks up at his friend and sees nothing but honesty in his eyes, stabbing his fork through another piece of pancake before popping one in his mouth. 

“you think?” 

he thinks this is why he came here, too; because without even him verbalizing it directly, his friend somehow knew one of the silent worries he was having. 

“i do,” seonghwa nods, a small smile on his face as he looks at his friend. “kind of early and surprising but i don’t think that matters. you and y/n are good for each other. you’ll figure it out.”

yeosang smiles at his friend warmly, popping another piece of food into his mouth and swallowing.

“and if you somehow fuck up again with her,” seonghwa adds, yeosang looking back up to see a shit eating smirk across his friends face. “i could always step in for old times sake. raise the baby as my own. i think that’d be pretty-”

“shut the fuck up.”

a deep chuckle bubbles out of seonghwa at his friend’s words, covering his face and shouting the boy’s name when a few seconds later, utensils are hurled right across the table.

the apartment is as dark and quiet as it was when he left, kicking his shoes off to the side before quickly making his way toward the bedroom.

he pushes the door open quietly, met with the sounds your breathing as you lie asleep in bed. he leans his head against the doorframe as he watches your sleeping form got a moment, his stomach sinking the whole time he walked back home. 

he felt bad about the fight and it’s hitting him even more at this very moment, walking over to crouch beside you and move a messy piece of hair out of your face. 

he frowns upon seeing your pouted lips and puffy face, his finger swiping under your cheek where dried tears are; he can tell you probably cried yourself to sleep. 

leaning forward, he presses a feather light kiss to your skin, licking over his dry lips as his stinging eyes roam your face.

he doesn’t know how long he just kneels there and watches you, his hand running through your hair as regret and shame bubble in the pit of his stomach. 

it’s a strange contrast to the overwhelming feeling of warmth in his chest, heart soaring at the fact you both have gotten this far together. that you’ll now be expecting a child, half you and half him, and start a little family that he only began to picture when he met you.

he wasn’t even sure if he wanted kids until you came along, the idea of you and only you carrying his child; watching you with them and making him love you even more.

“yeosang?” you mumble sleepily, your eyes blinking open slowly in a daze. 

you felt a presence next to you and hands in your hair, waking up panicked for less than a second before you saw your boyfriend’s familiar outline in the darkness. 

“hi, baby.” 

his voice is deep and thick with emotion, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you sit up to look at him. 

you don’t know if you’re more alarmed by the tone of his voice or the look on his face, still dazed from sleep so you’re not exactly remembering what happened hours ago. 

you recall laying down with your face in the pillow, quiet cries wracking your body, before promptly passing out into a dreamless sleep.

but now you’re blinking at him with such confusion and such a soft, sleepy look, messy hair and sleep marks on your puffy face, that it make tears sting the back of his eyes. 

he can’t believe he left you here alone. 

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry and i know you’re scared.” 

your eyes widen slightly as he sits up and pulls you into him despretely, your face in his chest before his arms wrap around you and hold you tight; it’s almost too tight, making it hard to breathe in his warm body, but you wouldn’t dare a say a word. 

because the more aware you become of your surroundings, the more you remember from earlier in the night. you cursing at him and not being sensitive enough, finding his concerns ridiculous but also realizing, he just wanted to be there for you. 

he wanted to be there for you every step of the way and you can’t blame him for being a little hurt.  

but he also can’t be mad for you being scared and not knowing how to react right away, dealing with more than just the simple fact of telling him. 

“i know you’re scared and i know it’ll be hard for you but we’ll do it together... okay? we’ll get through it, baby, and i’ll be there for you the whole time. i just don’t wanna fight with you.”

“me either,” you mumble against his chest, tears swarming in your own eyes when you pull back and see his eyes are glossy, too. “it wasn’t fair to you and i should’ve told you sooner. i... i shouldn’t have been scared to tell you.”

“i get why you didn’t though,” he hums lowly, remembering how much he complained to you those few weeks about being stressed from work. “i get your life is gonna change more than mine and i’m sorry i didn’t-”

you interrupt his words by pressing your lips to his, worming your way into his lap as he meets your kiss with a fervor. your mouths part and his tongue teases at your mouth, just passing that line of sweet and chaste. 

“it’s okay,” you mumble when you pull back, a small smile on your face as you look at him and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “we’re okay now.” 

a smile crosses yeosang’s face as he nods, pulling you into him again as he presses his lips against your forehead. 

he closes his eyes as he takes in a few calming breaths, feeling your warm skin under his lips and your body close to his; you guys are okay and he didn’t mess anything up. 

you’ll still have to take it day by day but he knows you guys are gonna be okay.

you hear him mumble a quiet “i love you,” against your head and you smile softly as you pull back, responding with a softly spoken “i love you,” before you lean back and plop yourself back down on the warm space you previously occupied.

it didn’t feel right sleeping here without him. the bed felt far too big and far too cold and far too empty. 

“can you sleep with me now?” you whine softly, a pout on your face as you stretch your arms out to him. “i missed you.” 

and it’s the fact that you missed him even though he made you cry that makes him hold back tears again, throwing himself down on bed and pulling you over so you can rest on his chest.

you cuddle yourself closer to him with a content sigh, intertwining your arms and legs as you lay your head over his chest. 

“i don’t know how we used to fight all the time,” yeosang mumbles after a few seconds of silence, his hand in yours as his thumb softly caresses your skin. “i fucking hated it.” 

“i know,” you chuckle out lightly, your eyes closed as you bury your face in his chest. “you’re soft now, though. i thought you were gonna cry or something.”

a deep chuckle leaves him before he lets out something between a growl and scoff, your loud giggles filling the room when he reaches over and grabs at your ticklish waist.

it’s the same giggles that fill the living room the next day when all the boys come over, san, jongho, and wooyoung nearly falling over in shock when you tell them the news. 

“you’re....pregnant? like... with a baby?” wooyoung asks, poking at your stomach roughly like it’s some foreign object.

“no, with a chicken,” yeosang snaps, pushing his friend back to halt him from touching you. “what kind of stupid fucking question is that?”

“i don’t know! i’m just shocked, okay!” 

a smile crosses your face as you hear the front door open, your eyes shifting to see seonghwa, mingi and yunho walking into the apartment. your smile widens upon seeing the boys, the two tallest ones bouncing over happily. 

mingi catches yeosang’s eyes and raises an eyebrow when he sees the boy throw him a dirty look, the dark-haired boy scoffing as they stare each other down.

“you still mad the doctor thought i was the daddy?” mingi growls lowly, a snort leaving you and yunho’s mouth as yeosang pushes at the taller boy and throws you a blank look.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to,” you tell him, accidentally letting it slip on your daily morning phone call with the boy. 

but it doesn’t stop mingi and yeosang from bickering further, your own form sauntering over to seonghwa and greeting him with a smile.

“hi.”

“hey,” seonghwa smiles, handsome as ever as he congratulates you softly. 

you weren’t surprised when yeosang told you he went there last night, the friendship between the boys something you’ve watched blossom into something remarkable.

it took you a while to get over the guilt of almost destroying it but now it all seemed like a distant memory. you and seonghwa had an unspoken love for one another but it wasn’t like the teenage, puppy type love you once had for one another.

it was more so one of a mutual respect. a genuine friendship where neither you, seonghwa or yeosang felt awkward or threatened by. 

but it’s upon listening to seonghwa talk softly to you that you notice a red mark on his face, your eyes squinting and hand reaching up to poke at a deep scratch across his face.

“seonghwa, oh my god,” you interrupt, yeosang’s head snapping to you before a guilty (but unapologetic) expression overcomes him. “what happened to your face?”

part 4

tag list: @mirror-juliet​ @toffee-hwa​ @valhoez​ @miatsubaki23​ @mydaintydaisy​ @treasure-hwa​ @khjssss [couldn’t tag :( ]

[an-optimist-prime]

Darling, feel better love

A Buddie 9-1-1 Fanfic

Summary: Eddie catches himself before he can say something he’ll regret, and sighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. You just worried us. You worried me.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” Buck says, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where all the blood is supposed to be.”

-

Or, Buck gets injured (again) and it forces Eddie to confront his feelings for Buck.

Word Count: 2270

Rating/Warnings: T, N/A

AO3 Link

*

Eddie absolutely hates hospital waiting rooms.

More specifically, he hates how useless they make him feel. There’s nothing to do but patiently, and anxiously, wait for further news on Buck’s condition after his latest accident.

Buck’s doctor had been out about an hour earlier. He’d reassured them all Buck was stable, and while it would take time, he would in fact recover. It was a massive relief, but still, Eddie couldn’t quell the need to see Buck and assess his injuries for himself.

It’s the seventh time Buck has been in hospital in just under three years. And that’s just in the time Eddie’s known him. Based on the stories he’s heard from Bobby and Maddie, he’s always been disaster prone.

This latest injury had happened while they were on call to a building fire. In typical Buck fashion, he’d disobeyed a direct order to evacuate, deciding instead to do one last sweep of the floor he was on.

That, of course, was when the floor collapsed beneath him.

They’d barely had time to pull Buck out, battered and broken, before the rest of the building collapsed.

Eddie’s not too much of a man to admit that the whole situation had scared the shit out of him. As soon as he’d realised that Buck had not followed him out, cold dread seized him. It was only compounded by the dead silence when Eddie tried to raise him on the radio.

While it had only taken them a few minutes to find Buck and pull him out, for Eddie it had felt like hours. When Buck emerged lifeless and unnaturally still, it was like Eddie's heart had stopped, and only started again when Hen had said there was still a pulse.

Although, if Eddie’s being honest, the accident itself didn’t really surprise him. Buck has a habit of being a self-sacrificing idiot, with no regard for himself or his own safety. But if Buck keeps on this road, keeps doing things like this, there’s a real chance that it’ll kill him.

And Eddie isn’t sure how he’d survive that.

He’d grown used to being alone, given that for so long it’d been just him and Christopher. But then came Buck, who’d somehow managed to worm his way into their lives and carve out a space in his heart since pretty much day one.

Eddie isn’t sure at what point he fell in love with Buck, but in hindsight it’s painfully obvious.

And it tears him up, that Buck almost died, and he’s never told him how he feels. Because Buck deserves to know. Buck deserves to have someone brave enough to tell him.

Most of all, Buck deserves to have someone he wants back.

Because honestly, Eddie is pretty sure that Buck doesn’t feel the same way he does. After all, Buck gives 100% to everyone he cares about, and lives with his heart on his sleeve. Eddie’s also heard enough about Buck 1.0 to know that if Buck wanted him that way, he’d know by now. But throughout their friendship, Buck has never shown any inclination that he feels the same way.

The last thing Eddie wants to do is make his best friend uncomfortable, and ruin what they’ve managed to build together. So, he pushes it down, determined to move on.

But, every now and again, there’ll be a moment. A moment where their eyes will meet across a scene, or they’ll be watching a movie and Buck will lean into him. In those moments, Eddie thinks there might be a chance that Buck feels something more .

Needless to say, Eddie feels torn.

Eddie’s thoughts are interrupted by a nurse, speaking to the assembled group in the waiting room.

“Family of Evan Buckley?” the nurse asks. He’s not the only one there. Maddie’s there, of course, along with Chim and Bobby. Both Athena and Hen had been there earlier as well, but had to leave. “You can see him now. Don’t stay for too long though, he needs rest.”

They all follow the nurse through to Buck’s room.

His skin is pale and he looks completely exhausted, but he’s alive, and that’s all that matters. Buck instantly perks up the moment he sees them, his eyes lighting up as they file in.

“Hey guys,” Buck says, his voice raspy. There are no words for how much relief it fills him with, to see Buck alive and well enough to speak. The perpetual ache in his chest abates slightly, and Eddie hangs back as the others rush forward.

Maddie rushes straight to his bedside, quickly wrapping her little brother into a fierce hug.

“Hey,” Chim greets, perching on the end of the bed. “How’s our favourite disaster magnet feeling?”

“I’m the favourite?” Buck replies, always first out the gate with deprecating humour.

“Who else would it be?” Chim states. “You should ask them if they have a frequent flyer program at this hospital. What is this, like your sixth stay in three years?”

“Seventh,” Eddie corrects.

“Seventh?” Buck repeats, as if it’s only just now occurring to him that he’s spent an inordinate amount of time in hospitals over the last few years. After a moment, Buck breaks into a joking smile. “Two more and then the next one's free, right?”

“How about no more?” Maddie suggests as she pulls back slightly, her eyes glassy. Eddie wholeheartedly agrees.

“How about you listen to your sister?,” Bobby says. “Let’s try to avoid hospital stays in future.”

“Okay,” Buck says, and Eddie knows this is the closest thing they’ll get to a promise in regards to this. “Seriously though, I’m fine. The doctor thinks I’ll be home in a week or so.”

Even so, Maddie still fusses over him while Chim and Bobby keep up the conversation. Eddie, meanwhile, continues to hang back, trying his absolute best to shove down a conflicting range of emotions, and work out just what he’s going to do about them.

Bobby is the first to leave, obviously relieved to see that Buck is conscious and stable. On his way out, he pauses next to Eddie.

“You’re overthinking it,” Bobby says quietly, so that only Eddie hears. “Just be honest with him. I think you’ll be surprised at how well it goes.”

“Is it that obvious?” Eddie asks, more than a little panicked that he hasn't been hiding it as well as he thought.

Bobby doesn’t respond, instead just giving him a look before he leaves, and it’s answer enough.

If the Captain knows, there’s a not small chance that Hen and Chim know, and probably Athena too. And if Chim knows, then Maddie definitely knows, and Dios, that’s a realisation all of its own.

Eddie hazards a glance to the others. Maddie is too busy with Buck, but Chim notices, and gives him a look as well.

They definitely know.

Eddie barely has any time to come to grips with the fact that his massive crush on his best friend is apparently public knowledge at the firehouse before Chim and Maddie begin to leave as well.

“I’ll be back first thing tomorrow!” Maddie promises, as she and Chim make their way out.

“Looking forward to it!” Buck says, with as much enthusiasm as he can muster.  As soon as she leaves though, Buck deflates, no longer needing to keep up his energetic charade.

Eddie knows that Buck considers himself a burden to others. He sees it in the way that he always puts others first, and how he’ll always try to make others feel better at the expense of himself.

It speaks volumes about how far they’ve come, that Buck is comfortable enough around him to let his walls drop. To be vulnerable.

Eddie takes the spot right next to Buck that Maddie was previously occupying, making a mental note to not stay too long. Buck really does need to rest, but Eddie just needs a bit more time to convince himself he’s really okay.

As he sits, Eddie puts his hand on Buck’s arm, just above his wrist. It’s grounding, to feel his warm skin, a reminder that he’s alive.

“Tell Chris I’m sorry I’ll miss pizza night this Friday.” Buck says, sounding genuinely remorseful.

“I’m sure he’ll understand.” Eddie says, because he will. He’s such a good kid. He’ll bring Chris to visit him in a few days, when Buck has more of his energy back.

It says so much though, about the kind of person that Buck is. Even in a hospital bed, he’s still thinking about others first.

As bad as it sounds, it frustrates Eddie sometimes, seeing just how selfless Buck can be. Like he doesn’t think he’s worth the worry.

And now that he’s seen it for himself, that he knows that Buck’s okay, Eddie starts to get just a little bit angry. He can feel it, how the rage simmers just beneath the surface of his skin.

How could Buck do something so reckless? Does he really not see what it does to others, to those around him? Or does he just not care?

His internal strife must be pretty obvious, because after a moment, Buck asks, “Is everything okay?”

“Really?” Eddie barks out a humourless laugh at the absurdity of the question. “You almost died, Buck.” His voice drops to a hiss, sharper than he intended it to be. He catches himself before he can say something he’ll regret, and sighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. You just worried us. You worried me.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” Buck says, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where all the blood is supposed to be.”

And just like that, Eddie’s furious all over again. How can Buck joke about something like this? “Buck—“

“Eddie.”

“This is serious. You can’t just do things like that.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Buck asks, crossing his arms. “I thought I’d heard something, so I went and checked. What if someone was still in there? Am I supposed to just leave them behind?”

Yes, Eddie wants to say, but he knows that Buck is right. He probably would have gone back to check as well. He’s not going to win the argument on this front, so he changes tact.

“You almost died, again,” Eddie repeats, because really, that’s the important part here.

“But I didn’t,” Buck insists.

Eddie sighs again. They’re just going around in circles. He looks down, to where his hand is still holding Buck’s wrist. Now is the time for honesty. How would he have felt, if Buck had died and he never told him just how much he means to him?

But this isn’t about him - if nothing else, Buck should know that somebody loves him, the way he deserves to be.

“You can’t keep doing this, Buck. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Eddie confesses. "I can't lose you.

"You won't." Buck promises, as if he could ever keep a promise like that.

He could take the easy way out, and just leave it there, especially since words so often fail him. But he refuses to back down, this time. Steeling himself, Eddie reaches out to grasp Buck’s hand, twining their fingers together. His skin is rough, calloused from hard work, but the pulse that beats against Eddie’s palm is comforting.

Buck's eyes go wide at the contact.

He meets Eddie's eyes, realisation dawning on his face.

"Oh."

His gaze flicks down to Eddie's lips and back up.

Taking a chance, Eddie leans in, closing the last few inches of distance between them. The kiss is gentle and chaste, but full of promise. Eddie breaks away after a moment, cognizant of Buck’s injured state. But before he can pull away, Buck reaches up with his free hand and pulls him right back in.

Their second kiss is just as good as the first, and Eddie melts into the softness of Buck’s lips against his own.

A pained exhale snaps Eddie back to reality and he reluctantly pulls away. “You’re not well.”

“I’m fine,” Buck says, slightly breathless but not seeming to mind. “Besides, I’ve really been hoping that would happen for a while now.”

“Me too,” Eddie says, heart thrumming in his chest. After a moment, he adds, “Why did you never say anything?”

“I didn’t want to ruin what we had, not when I didn’t know how you felt,” Buck admits. “I know that I have a reputation, and I didn’t want you to think that’s all it was about.”

“I never would have thought that,” Eddie says, his heart clenching at the words. He may not have ever met ‘Buck 1.0’, but in the time he’s known Buck, he’s never been anything less than loyal and selfless. He doesn’t like that Buck thinks he’d judge him for his past. “But, same. About not wanting to ruin it.”

“I love you,” Buck blurts out. “Sorry, I know that’s a lot, really early, but it’s true.”

“It’s okay,” Eddie quickly reassures. “It’s not too much, at all. I love you too.”

Buck lets out a shaky laugh. “God, we’re both idiots.”

“Yeah, we are.” Eddie ducks his head to hide his fond grin. “So what happens now?”

“I’m going to date you so hard.” Buck states, absolutely beaming.

“Well first, how about we work on getting you out of here?” Eddie starts. He can’t seem to pull himself away from Buck, although Buck doesn’t seem to want to let go either. “And then I take you out to dinner?”

“If you insist.”

*

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a like/kudos or comment, either here or on the Archive (Fic Link).  I’m always up to talk Buddie, 9-1-1 and fandom in general, so please feel free to come chat with me, here on tumblr or on my twitter. Thanks again  ❤️