#no it is NOT okay to throw queer people under the bus for your benefit

[vinecoveredgarden]

Unfriendly Reminder

This blog is violently in support of Women's Rights, Queer Rights, TransID Identities, Plural Rights, Para Rights, and any other fucking person's right to exist in a way that makes them comfortable, fulfilled, and happy.

If you cannot understand the simplest concept of Do No Harm, fuck. off.

[vaspider]

I honestly have to wonder if the gay assimilationists understand what it's like on the other side. I was raised by Republican Baptists in Texas, homeschooled, heavily involved in youth group, and I was so devastatingly lonely because I could feel in my bones that I didn't fit in, that people liked me on a superficial level but kept me at arm's length because something was wrong with me, because I wasn't good enough, I wasn't like them.

It was only when I found words to describe myself in the queer (and autistic) community that I truly realized for the first time that nothing is wrong with me, that I can be accepted and loved the way I am and I don't have to force myself into a different shape to be good enough. I'd rather die than try to make myself "normal" again.

Like I'm just saying that as someone who grew up brainwashed in right wing ideology, I can't help but think the assimilationists must have no clue what a gift it is to be accepted in your abnormality. What it's like to have normalcy shoved down your throat for years, then finally spit it out and finally be fucking free.

Having broken free, I can't imagine ever trying to force someone else into that cage. I want to smash all the cages, not build new gay-shaped cages.

It's possible, but it's also possible that they come from a background like yours and they're naïve, hopeful, or afraid. Naïve enough to think their families will ever really accept them, hopeful enough to think they really can make a change (and good for them for the hopefulness, truly), or afraid and convinced that they can find safety in conformity.

And look - like - I need to be clear that when I say I'm anti-assimilationist, I don't mean that I think it's morally wrong for queer people to want to live in a nice little house with their spouse and send their kids to a good school and live a tidy, quiet, unbothered life. I think that's a fine and wonderful thing to want, and I think it has to be a fine and wonderful thing to want. I think it's possible to live that life and be in solidarity with other queers. I also think that being gay or trans doesn't mean you owe a movement anything. You don't have to live any particular kind of life, or do any particular thing, to be the right kind of queer.

Really, the only way in my mind to be the wrong kind of gay/queer/trans is to tell someone they're the wrong kind of gay/queer/trans, or to throw other queers under the bus for your own benefit.

So when I talk about assimilationism as a philosophy, and why I think it truly fucks us, I'm not talking about "living in the suburbs" or a certain amount of necessary visibility or radicalism. It's okay to live stealth or to want that quiet life. What's not okay is "you better behave or the cis won't respect us," which is, of course, bullshit, since what's not respectable about us is our queerness.

I watched Halston last night with Emet, and one of the things that really struck me was a scene of a fight between Halston and Elsa Peretti, one of his closest friends and models. They got into a fight at Studio 54, and Halston was being unbelievably cruel to her, and she to him. It was the sort of fight that you can only have with someone who knows you very well when you're both at your very worst.

What did she reach for when she was angry with him and hurt? What was the word she immediately reached for to summarize her disdain for him and his worthlessness, how much she despised him and felt him to be garbage? I'm sure you know.

That scene felt like... so... like I just want to shake people and show them it. Don't you understand? The problem with saying "but I'm one of the good faggots" is to them, you're still just a faggot, and they won't let you forget it when the chips are down. Who cares if you're a good faggot or a bad faggot? The reason you deserve civil rights and a life lived in peace is because you're human, not because you've managed to be a good enough and worthy enough person to earn off your faggotry. You can't escape them thinking that about you. You might as well own it and demand your rights anyway, because you're a person.

[the-woundupbird]

Hello Dracula Recap 1/4

Okay I will try to organize all my translations and thoughts about the drama into this post so that I can stop info-dumping on my poor friend who has kindly let me go on and on about the show. I’ll post some links to videos so you can watch and understand as I go on with my review/thought dump. 

Essentially it’s three different stories nested into one but the central story is about Anna, an elementary school teacher who has been hiding her 8 year relationship with her girlfriend Sojung from her mother.  The relationship between Anna and her mother is the central source of conflict in the show, more so then the emotional fallout that happens when Sojung breaks up with Anna.

Personally I think the show had if not at least a lesbian writer than some queer women in charge of shaping the show.  People were saying on twitter that it felt too real, almost like a documentary of the painful reality for so many closeted women in South Korea.  To be honest, even as a Korean American I saw so much of my mother and my own relationship with her with regards to my sexuality in the exchanges Anna had with her mother.  

The show begins with Anna and her mother, shaping the major relationship with the show.  Her mother teases her that her face looks bloated and that men care about women’s skin.  Anna straightforwardly says she doesn’t like men and her mother tries to laugh it off but there’s a heaviness to the exchange that is examined later.

In the next scene Anna is at school working as an elementary school teacher.  During break she keeps checking her phone, even contemplating texting the recipient, “Are you busy?”  I was able to pause the show and read some of the earlier messages Anna had sent this person who is revealed to be her girlfriend Sojung and yikes:

Ah… Food? 

You ate and you’re working, right?

 It seems like you’re sleeping. 

Good night.

Busy? I saw you didn’t respond so I’m worried are you sick?

 Okay, I understand. Did you get home? You must be so tired. Get some rest. Sleep well. Did you sleep well?

Anna is stressed because her girlfriend is blowing her off pretty blatantly.  As someone who’s dated in Korea it’s mandatory to be texting every day and even do a phone call.  The level of hands off-ness is a cause for major concern from Anna.  Especially with her girlfriend of 8 years.

When Anna goes to a dinner with her co-workers from school she finally gets a text from Sojung: I have something to tell you.

Anna picks up the phone in an instant and zooms out of the room, ignoring the guy across from her who I totally think was flirting. 

The conversation with Sojung is painful in that it is so evident that Sojung is pulling away and Anna is holding on. 

“It’s me.”

It’s noisy.  Are you outside?

“Yeah I’m at a company dinner.”

Let’s talk later, then.

“No now is fine… I feel like lately I’m the only one chasing after you… I’m the only one trying to hear your voice.”

Did you drink a lot?

“What? No I didn’t drink.”

We said we were gonna meet on Saturday, right? I don’t think I can meet.  Sorry. 

“We haven’t met in almost a month.”

I’m sorry. 

“Why? Why can’t you?”

I’m doing a blind date. My mom is making me.

“With a guy?”

Of course.  With a guy.

“You’re not even gonna lie?”

Anna-ya. I don’t want to hide anymore. 

“Can’t you just lie?”

Let’s talk again tomorrow.

“Sojung-ah!”

Talk to you tomorrow.

And then Anna runs off to chase after her girl, even going to her girlfriend’s house. Quick comment her girlfriend definitely seems well-off.  It sort of makes me wonder how the two of them met.  One person on twitter was musing that maybe instead of being a cc or college couple they met through volunteering and fell in love that way.  Regardless the contrast from an apartment to a house intrigues me because there’s definitely a difference in socio-economic class here.  But I digress.

Anna grabs her phone, after hesitating to rush into Sojung’s house. 

I’m outside your house.  Come down for a sec.

Let’s talk when you’ve calmed down.

Also my parents are home right now.

It can be just for a little.  

Just show me your face.

But Sojung refuses and you have the image of Anna trudging back home.  She sees her mother hugging some man and even though she calls her mother, her call is put on silent and she storms off to go sob at the bus station in frustration.  I want to focus more on Anna but it’s important to note here that her mother sort of chases after men a lot but can’t seem to settle down which is a point of stress for Anna. 

Growing up, Anna struggled to pretend to be happy for her mother meeting new guys and feeling sort of neglected as a result.  All the while Anna puts on a brave face for her mom’s happiness because when she was little Anna’s mother had held her close and whispered “I don’t need anything but Anna. You’re the most precious thing to me.”  The loving words were both a deep compliment but also an unbearable weight on Anna.  It was something that she felt like she had to live by.

This burden only gets worse when Anna was in middle school and was caught presumably kissing or hooking up with her girl friend and got dragged by her gf’s mother to a Catholic church to repent.  

When Anna’s mother is able to pull her out of the church she tells her about how when she was young she also was super obsessed with a girl and she even wrote her letters and followed her around.  “It’ll pass,” she tells Anna. “You’re just young.  Remember when you liked that guy next door? You said you wanted to marry him! So that’s why I’m not even a little worried.”

“But what if it doesn’t pass? What if I stay like this forever?” Anna whispers, staring right at her mother. 

And a world of painful silence is Anna’s answer as her mother just walks away from the question, attempting to forget that the encounter ever happened.  

It flashes forward to high school Anna just watching her mother find a new man and she begins down a journey of hiding her true self to keep things safe for her mother. 

But then things come to a head when Sojung sends Anna a text to break off their relationship:

Actually I’ve been going through a lot lately. Our relationship isn’t like what it used to be. Anna-ya, I don’t want to hurt my parents.  I can’t win.  I can’t throw it away. Let’s end it like this. Thanks for everything. I’ll send your things to you through the mail. It’d be good if you did that too.

Ignoring how that’s probably the coldest thing I’ve ever witnessed in the history of breakups, Anna wonders to herself, will I be okay like this? Later on in episode 2 I think I understand better why Sojung did this but I’ll share my thoughts on the second ep review.

Anna comes home after that devastating day of having her girlfriend of 8 YEARS break up with her to her mother misunderstanding Anna as being upset with her, setting up a ton of Christmas decorations. 

“It’s nice right? My kind daughter, what’s wrong? I don’t like when you’re like this.”

“It’s pretty.” (Yikes at Anna pretending like she isn’t absolutely gutted for the benefit of her mother as per usual in the dynamic)

“I’m going to head in.”

“Are you still mad? You should tell your mom.”

“I’m going to head in.”

“You ah, you were like this when you were little. You were always sulking after it’d all passed.”

“Mom.”

“Isn’t it better to just say it right away and let it all out?”

“Mom.”

“I did this all for you to see! You said you wanted a tree when you were little.”

“Mom, when I was little, when? When I was little, when? And what passed? Nothing’s changed!”

“What didn’t pass?”

… “Christmas didn’t pass.  I’m so tired today.” 

And Anna closes the door and leaves her mother to stare at a picture of her and her daughter together under a Christmas tree.  Personally here I adore the dynamic of Anna just almost barely teasing at the secret the two of them know, her sexuality. But her mother doesn’t quite push her because she’s a little afraid to know.  I’ve had a similar conversation with my own mother and that line between ambiguous and crystal clear is so much harder to parse out than people think.

Anyway I’ll continue this if you guys want but hopefully you like the translation and commentary. Let me know in the replies or my messages if you’d like me to just do straight translation with the clips or continue this style!

[imjustlo]

Can you explain the QPR thing, please?

Sure! QPR is short for queer platonic relationship, or quasi platonic relationship if the individuals involved are uncomfortable with using queer (straight people can enter QPRs, it’s not just an ace and aro thing). It’s another relationship type just like friendship, romance, best-friendship, familial, acquaintanceship, etc. The general definition is “somewhere between friendship and romance, closer than what society might consider a friendship should be, but not romantic in nature according to the people involved.” Sometimes sex is included, sometimes it isn’t. This is pretty vague, so let’s unpack it!

First of all, I’ve had people tell me they’ve realized they’re in a QPR after I’ve explained what they are, and that... bothers me. It might just be me, but I consider QPRs to be up there with romance in regards to emotional intimacy and commitment (people differ from me, though, and that’s okay!), and I believe in communicating with your partner and being on the same page. I hear stories of “I realized I was in romantic relationship and had been in one for a while”, and that’s a bit... weird? To me? You need to discuss with your friend/partner where the boundaries are in your relationship, and what you’re going to call your relationship. Don’t force “queer platonic” on them because that level of intimacy (and changing the label you put on your relationship is a form of intimacy) may not be something they’re comfortable with, and you can’t make that decision for them.

Also, if you consider yourself to be in a QPR and you don’t tell the person you consider to be your partner, you’re setting yourself up for a world of hurt, because even if you tell yourself you don’t need to set up the boundaries of that relationship, they’re there, and your “partner” is going to cross them. If you consider someone to be your boyfriend but he thinks you’re friends, he’s gonna “cheat on you”, but it will be on you, because you decided he was your boyfriend without even knowing if he wanted to be. I’ve heard stories of people “ruining” their friendships by proclaiming themselves in QPRs and getting their hearts broken when their friend gets weirded out by it because they aren’t into the idea. It’s a relationship type like any other, with its boundaries and intimacies, and you have to set those up, either formally (sitting down and hashing in out) or informally (most friendships have informal boundaries; you don’t sit down with friends and talk about hard and soft boundaries usually, though they might be there, e.g. “did you vote in favor of marriage equality? No? whelp, goodbye”).

Now that that’s out of the way, the crux of the issue: Are QPRs just best-friendships? Short answer: no. Long answer: It depends on the QPR.

Let’s bring it back to romantic relationships. Romantic relationships can look like any other relationship to outsiders. They can look like co-dependency, casual friendship, friends with benefits, best-friendship, etc etc, but what makes a romantic relationship romantic is the people involved deciding it is one. There doesn’t need to be sex involved, you don’t even need to want to be together for the rest of your lives, none of that makes a relationship romantic. It’s the people that do.

It’s the same for QPRs. Some look like casual friendships, others like best-friendships, others still like friends with benefits, but a lot will look like romantic relationships. That’s certainly the type of QPR I want, and I don’t mind if my future husband/partner views our relationship romantically as long as he’s aware and comfortable that I view it queer platonically. I’ve had therapists try to force me to say I want a romantic relationship because what I want sounds exactly like one—but to me, for whatever reason, the term “romantic” feels like the wrong word, and who the fuck cares if I just need to change the label to feel comfortable with something? It’s hurting literally no one.

Also it’s important to note that a lot of QPRs have the intention of being together for life, regardless of what other relationship type they might look like to outsiders.

(None of this next paragraph is directed at you, myblogmyrulesmymess, just at the discourse in general, because I’m tired and want people to stop throwing aces and aros under the bus.)I know the difference between acquaintances and friends and best friends and partners. I use the terms every day. I have several acquaintances, two or three friends, no best friends at the moment but I’ve had a few in the past, but I’ve never had a queer platonic partner, because I haven’t transitioned yet and it makes dating weird. A lot of aro and ace people (the group of people that use the term QPR most often) know the difference, as well, and while some might be confusing the term QPR with best-friendship (though it’s impossible to tell if they are; like I said, it depends on them, not anyone else), it’s condescending and presumptuous to assume we don’t.

I hope that clears it up!

tl;dr: QPRs (queer/quasi platonic relationships, or just platonic life partnerships) are just another relationship type that are categorized by being “in between” friendship and romance, though they can match romance in terms of intimacy depending on the QPR, and like any other relationship type, they can look like any other relationship type. The deciding factor of what makes the relationship whatever it is is the people involved and whether they see it that way.

[miseriathome]

I have some complicated thoughts about aro discourse I saw today and I think that some people with good intentions still need to work on respectability politics and amatonormative biases.

Lowkey bad discourse shit:

One of those “aro folks can enjoy romance-related things!” posts. Somebody included this whole thing about how preferring one night stands doesn’t inherently make somebody aro, and in fact demonstrates a dislike for commitment over anything related to romantic attraction. They even included the phrase “serial sexual partners” which is basically crime-coding sexual freedom. And it seems like such a double standard to me that the same person can support platonic non-romantic sex practices but scorn non-platonic non-romantic sex......... so really, their support of aro-spec folks is contingent upon whether or not their sexuality is rooted in some form of deep interpersonal relationship (as deemed by the observer). Which I’m sure not only paints aplatonic sex-favorable aros in a bad light, but also splashes negatively onto folks who desire both deep interpersonal relationships and also sex, but without overlap. And given that I, myself, am an aspec who greatly enjoys the one night stand life but is understandably limited to a potential pool consisting almost entirely of some type of allo folks... I can think of tons of reasons why a hypothetical aro person might not want to entangle any sort of long-term emotional relationships with their sexual doings (for example: I have been stalked before by partners who grew feelings). So at the end of the day, this person’s whole thing about one night stands and commitment just perpetuates the “arohet frat boy Chad” image except Chad isn’t explicitly aro; it’s swerf shit wrapped up in respectability politics, where throwing undesirables under the bus makes the aro identity easier for the public to swallow.

Also:

Another “aro folks can enjoy romance-related things!” post. This time, it’s about how an alloromantic (or otherwise romantic attraction-experiencing person) can date an aro/spec person, and the latter--despite not reciprocating the attraction--can engage in the relationship in a way that still satisfies their partner. However the poster included a bit along the lines of “as long as everybody in the relationship is aware and consents, it’s okay.” Which I feel like is pushing the whole “you have to tell your partner you’re aspec” agenda that aphobes have, through the implication that not informing the attraction-having partner is manipulative or otherwise abusive. Moreover, that puts me and quite a few other (questioning or label-fucked or attraction-experiencing arospec or closeted) folks in a difficult boat by placing an onus of responsibility onto us, even though we may not realize or be sure ourselves what’s going on with regards to attraction. After all, romantic attraction is a subjective social construct, and thus incredibly difficult to pinpoint, define, or identify for some people. So not only is it not my responsibility to announce if I’m questioning my attraction at any point, or if I’m unsure what kind of attraction it may be, but it’s also not the responsibility of any other queer person to out themselves or their questioning status before they’re ready, and expecting aros to do so sets a really bad precedent in that regard. In my opinion, “we both enjoy the dynamic we have, even though we might interpret what’s going on a little differently because we haven’t discussed every last nuance” is good enough, even though it might seem dubious to others. Like I honestly don’t think “withholding” a potentially arospec identity is any more abusive than “withholding” information about being mspec or trans (read as: none of the above are information that partners inherently have a right to). And so to that degree, this is another double standard that aro folks are being held to.

I’m sorry if the posters of these things see this as an unwelcome vagueblog; they’re pretty old posts and I don’t want to dredge them up--especially since I don’t follow either person and would have no idea what kinds of character development they might have undergone since then. I’ve also found that people tend to be incredibly unfriendly to anything that even resembles confrontation, even if it’s prefaced by “I agree with literally everything else you stand for” (true story), so honestly I’m just vagueblogging for my own sanity.

Writing that second recap, it occurs to me that “allo is not useful terminology” might have some merit as an argument, if only in the (rarely-explored) sense that it cannot be used synonymously with “attraction-experiencing” without sanitizing all respective aspec identities into “pure” ace/aro-ness, spectrum and nuance be damned. Allonormativity is absolutely a useful concept, but any use of allo to refer to a group or identity has to allow for the vagueness of proximity, much in the same way that perisex doesn’t exactly mean “not intersex” but “close enough to meeting the social criteria of normative biology that intersexuality cannot be reasonably suspected” (or rather, this is how I understand the distinction between perisex and dyadic). So rather than being “attraction-experiencing” or “not ace/aro,” it should be “experiencing normative attraction to such a degree that adopting an aspec identity provides no benefit” or something which acknowledges the existence of “almost indistinguishable from allo, but still aspec in some way” identities.

[djrelentless]

“And I Am The Troublemaker...”

June 26, 2013 at 5:07am

The date was June 24th, 2013. I had been up all night editing music for my performances for Pride Week in Toronto. I was just about to got to bed when I decided to give facebook one more look before I retired for the morning. Checking through my feed I came across a post of a photo of Jada Hudson and Daytona Betch with the hashtag “playing basket ball”. Now, normally that wouldn’t bother me, but the fact that Daytona Betch was in “blackface” really caught my attention. When I woke up later that day, my husband came across the photo and found several more. Apparently Daytona’s performance was a huge hit.

Then I got to thinking....since I have been here there seems to be a theme of mocking races almost every year in Toronto. When I speak to my friends back in the states, they often mention how nice Canadians are. They always talk about how progressive the laws are here and what a great Parliament you have in your government. I have even bragged to my friends of color how nice it is to go into a department store and not be followed around by security. And almost all of my friends praise the Healthcare system.

So, when my husband decided to speak out on facebook about how he felt about “Blackface in 2013” it must have come to be a shock to those who enjoyed the show on Sunday night on Church Street, because they all came out to defend Daytona. They weren’t defending “blackface”.....they were defending their friend and beloved bad girl on the mic. The gyrl who is known for being a little rude  and highly inappropriate when hosting her shows. She is revered for this. People love her for it. I personally don’t care for that kind of conduct when hosting a show. I believe this kind of behavior on the mic would eventually lead to some kind of misunderstanding.

So, as the day went on, more and more people chimed in. Some agreeing that “blackface” has no place in our communities and others showing their support for Daytona. I wasn’t surprised. She is very popular on Church Street. I was kinda surprised at some of their defensive statements, bringing up people who impersonate Michael Jackson and even the movie “White Chicks” in comparison to the hatred and separatism that “blackface” has played in degrading and demeaning black people.

Let’s see....after reading about the Royal Canadian Legion ordering its Campbellford, Ontario chapter to close while police investigated a person in a Ku Klux klan robe led another man in “blackface” around on a noose winning first prize in a Halloween costume contest in 2010 on a site called “ChimpOut” and then most recently reading about the firefighter who went on a facebook rant about Travyon Martin I have been a little sensative to racial issues lately.

http://www.chimpout.com/forum/showthread.php?148540-Niggers-complain-after-KKK-costume-wins-Halloween-contest

http://gizmodo.com/5910442/dirtbag-racist-firefighter-demoted-for-idiotic-facebook-rant-about-travyon-martin

And with a member of the Boylesque doing blackface to pay tribute to fellow member Mahogany Storm and two different performances by Donnarama where she upset some Asains in the audience at the “To Haiti With Love” Benefit in 2010 and most recently offending the Queer Muslim Community last December, it does seem that racial issues are still at hand today.

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/rahim-thawer/drag-toronto_b_2323047.html

http://www.xtra.ca/public/Toronto/Hiphop_group_heckled_at_Toronto_Pride-10498.aspx

After the Yes Yes Ya’ll incident at the 2011 Toronto Pride, it was very apparent that there was something bubbling under the surface. And then on Tuesday I was attacked for on facebook for blowing this whole thing out of proportion. The person even said that I didn’t have compassion for Daytona’s feelings on this matter:

“I have a huge problem with Mr & Mrs Jade Elektra, they decided to put Daytona Betch on blast for how she looked on sunday, they weren't at the show, they didn't see the crowd's reaction but they want to sit back and throw shade, no one denies racism happens but it's not lurking behind every bush and it's not born into the hearts of everyone. it's something Racism is something people learn it's not something born within us and to sit back and pretty much smear Daytona with those implications is so uncool, this is someone Ms Jade you have worked with for years according to you, would it have been too much for you Ms Jade or Mr Jade to PM her and say, "maybe doing what you did was not a good idea" I mean the event was over and done and this wasn't a regular part of her act, wouldn't it have been a more HUMANE thing to do than to call her out for a public flogging.

Have any of you considered how she felt or is currently feeling because of this or do you think applying the makeup somehow eliminated the person beneath it and her feelings. In your heat to bring truth, justice and the american way to our sad and pathetic shores do you forget something called compassion?

Do u think she did this to intentionally upset the racial apple cart, every other person who stepped up to take a piece of her were not at the show sunday night but that doesn't stop you 2 from being the voice of the canadian people.

Ms Jade you had some dirty dealings with one (name removed) some time ago, no one splashed your picture all over facebook and held you up to public scrutiny did they, you also had some less than joyful partings with some bars in the village but they didn't put you on blast.

You just don't throw someone under the bus for a first offense, were you trying to be the voice of the people who were at the show that didn't complain to you that they weren't offended and they found the whole thing funny, sometimes people do things with no thought of race... IT HAPPENS but thankfully there are people like you Mr & Mrs Jade to remind us that there is racial disharmony even when there are none, thanks alot ;)

Ms Jade Daytona is loved and admired because she is rude, crass, and all sort of mean but mostly because she is entertaining, you should try being entertaining sometime, it might be a new and exciting experience for you.”

I decided to leave the post as it was. The person thought that they were really calling me out. In fact, I kinda got the impression from this post and a few of the others that some people feel like I am causing trouble because of my opinion. I mean....since other black people of the community are supporting Daytona I must be jealous of her or just want to appear superior. Funny...I believe there is enough room in our community and on our stages for all of our differences. I may not be someone’s cup of tea, but then again one of the oldest racial slaps in the face may just not be the cat’s meow for others.

My reply to this post was:

“We all know that Daytona is a loved figure on Church Street. I even said I don't believe she is a racist. But like I said.."if you gotta ask if something is okay, it probably isn't okay". I gave my opinion and that was that. Several people have given their opinion, but obviously mine has struck a nerve with you. As for my reputation on Church Street....I have worked at all of the venues in some form or fashion. I have never done anything onstage that was considered to be offensive. That's not my style of performance. Miscommunications and different views points of what is entertaining have ended a couple of my shows, but I have more than proved myself as an entertainer and producer. As for (name removed)...whatever he has told you is his opinion. If he had stayed in contact with me during Pride week of 2010 he would have went on the Bermuda trip in which I booked a few gyrls for a show that I produced. It was the show director in Bermuda who made the final decision not to include him (and he knows that). His actions of not showing up for his scheduled show at Crews cost him his job. I had nothing to do with that. I was one of the people who vouched for him to get his own show. So, if he wants to hold a grudge for something that he did....so be it. If this is your intent of "putting me on blast", bring it on! I have been very transparent in my attempts to create shows and help the community. Blackface in 2013 is just not a good idea.”

I guess the most disturbing thing about the timing of this incident is it is the beginning of Pride Week. It’s also the same day that George Zimmerman’s trial started and Paula Deen lost her job at The Food Network for admitting to using the N-word. So, it would seem that racial issues are actually on everyone’s minds these days.

At the end of the day my opinion has not changed. Back in 2011 I wrote a blog about Spike Lee’s movie, “Bamboozled”. In it I talked about the history of “blackface” and my own experiences with racism in the south. One of the comments from a local black gay citizen on my husband’s thread said:

“we're not American huabout american hin, we're Canadian immigrants and most of us dont really care about American History ... black people everywhere in the world understands the negativity of racism brother...trust me.....we all experience it no matter where we are from and none of us like it.....some of us will respond very aggressively when its directed towards us.....but this was not that...and personally, i dont see Daytona as racist in any way shape or form.”