#no metaphors here. just a straight up fucking CHOMP

[acapelladitty]

sweeter than honey

Pairing: Cooper Howard/Fem!Reader

Summary: "You'd let me," Cooper pauses to allow the truth of the question to hold in the air, "rip my teeth into you and take a bite of you for myself? No knife. No healing. Just teeth." Groaning at the very thought as you consider the other wicked things those teeth are capable of, your thighs widen in open invitation. "Yes."

(warnings for: oral sex, cannibalism, biting, blood, sub space painkink, cum marking, masochism, teasing)

Fic Masterlist

Link to AO3

Slick with sweat, your breath comes in shallow pants as every inhale breathes fresh life into your burning lungs while you drift in the pleasurable haze of your post-orgasm comedown. The sloppy mess which steadily drips free of your cunt to the leather duster below is quick to stain the fabric as Cooper's electric eyes gaze up at you from the flat position between your thighs where he'd long since dropped his body.

"Nothing like it, darlin'. Sweet as honey and enough to make a man want more."

His mouth and chin glistening with your release and his own spit, for someone whose own mess streaked the dusted ground where his groin has rubbed itself into a frenzy, Cooper didn't seem quite finished with you as he licks a lazy stripe across your slit - the simple move making your legs jerk as his tongue grazes your engorged and overly sensitive clit.

Brain fuzzy, you can only squeak out a casual acknowledgement as you lazily egg him on with a dopey grin.

"Take more if you want."

Cooper scoffed.

"Last time, your foot kicked seven shades of hell outta my jaw cause it was too much for you, sweetie. I ain't falling for that shit again."

"Not like that." You smirk, recalling the fantastic yowl which fled him as your overstimulated body acted of its own accord and cold-clocked his wicked mouth. "I mean take what you want."

"You know what I want." Low voice rumbling from his throat like an approaching storm, Cooper presses his lips to your thigh in a chapped kiss before continuing. "But some things just ain't likely, are they?"

"I'd let you do it."

"You would, huh?"

"I mean, if you wanted-"

"You'd let me," Cooper pauses to allow the truth of the question to hold in the air, "rip my teeth into you and take a bite of you for myself? No knife. No healing. Just teeth."

Groaning at the very thought as you consider the other wicked things those teeth are capable of, your thighs widen in open invitation.

"Yes."

Something savage, almost animalistic twists at his features as he takes the encouragement for what it is, his face rubbing against your thigh as he nestles himself against the flesh. His lips ghost across the skin of your inner thigh with reverence; licking the skin there with a textured tongue as he steals a taste of what's soon to be his.

"You sure, darlin?" It's an ask, more like a plea, as he tries to hold back the excitement in his tone - his blazing eyes flashing up at you for one final acknowledgement, a final chance to back out and forget the offer.

"Do it, Coop. Take what no one else ever will."

Teeth blunt and not designed for a clean tear, it hurts like fuck when he sinks them deep into the flesh of your thigh; the heat of the pain burning like hellfire and forcing your spine to go ramrod straight as you beat your fists against the floor and writhe in place against it.

"Fuck! Fuck- ow! Fucking hell, Coop!" You whine out, the words only able to break free of your gritted teeth as the white-hot pain levels out into a terrible ache which makes your limbs tremble and tears slip free of your eyes.

Despite it all, there's a heat in the actions - a thrill of pain and pleasure rolling across your spine as you glance down through watery eyes to see him swallowing down the small part of you he had ripped free.

Part of him now.

It was enough to make you light-headed. Well, that and the blood loss, as the fresh wound bleeds freely and droplets trickle across the skin of your legs as they follow the curve of your thighs to drip to the duster.

His mouth licking at the wound, almost like a cat as he catches the blood he can - his hands slips up to cup at your cunt and his fingers are quick to spread your lips as he sinks past the mess he left to circle his calloused digits around your clit.

Mewling out something incomprehensible, nausea and arousal making the pressure in your skull difficult to ignore, you can't muster up the energy to push him away as each gentle touch feels like fresh lightning scoring across your overheated flesh.

"Every part as good as the last, sweetheart." Cooper speaks eventually, flashing bloodied teeth at you as he covers the wound on your thigh with his free palm, the pressure making you squeal in discomfort. "A man won't be able to forget an experience like that."

"Remember it well, handsome, cause that hurt like fuck and I ain't doing it again."

The threat of an approaching orgasm quickly making your heels curl against the ground, you gasp out your response before his actions have you reduced to a babbling, sobbing mess - so lost in that hazy space where pain melts with pleasure that you doubt you'd even notice him sneaking his way in for a second bite.

Slipping higher until the sensation of his breath on your cunt makes your brain short-circuit, Cooper is as enthusiastic as ever as he growls playfully at your words.

"Noted, sweetheart."

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

WIP Wednesday

I know I've missed the last couple but honestly all I've been working on in my free time is the secret project, which (for reasons I feel like should be fairly obvious) I'm trying not to share in WIP Wednesday posts lol. But anyway I've also now started on Chapter 13 of Soldier, Poet, King, so here's a brief moment of A-Qing and Jin Guangyao talking about Xue Yang that I made myself laugh with a little bit

--//--

“Told you he’s feral,” young A-Qing mutters under her breath, sounding mutinous around the chak-chak-chak of chomping on her ever-present bubblegum.

“Yes dear we know he is, and something tells me that cracking open the brain of an interdimensional lovecraftian nightmare so he could try slurping the contents out like a slushee, metaphorically speaking, hasn’t improved things very much,” he replies and feels oddly vindicated when she snorts a laugh into the back of her hand.

A-Qing is…unexpected. He’d heard her calling for Xue Yang to come upstairs that night he and Nie Huaisang had gone to see him at The Cockpit, though of course that evening he hadn’t known precisely who she was or why she felt she had the right to boss Xue Yang around. Finding out that she’s the once-wayward-child-turned-protegé of the Immortals (and that her ethics are significantly more dubious than her benefactors’) had been..a surprise, to put it mildly. Not that he thinks that Xiao Xingchen and Song Zichen aren’t perfectly capable guardians, of course, but rather he’s surprised that two distinguished gentlemen such as themselves seem very fond of collecting people who could be reasonably compared to scrungly alley cats and ignoring all their mange and fleas in favor of cooing over how sweet and brilliant they are.

And they are (brilliant, at least, though not any given definition of  sweet to anyone except their ‘daozhangs’), but the contrasts at play in their little fucked up family of four are still a bit of a mystery to Jin Guangyao.

It had been A-Qing, apparently, who had hacked the CCTV and the ‘dome’s video feeds long enough to broadcast Jin Guangshan and Jin Zixun’s deaths straight to the communications tower, and as such Nie Mingjue has instructed that she give their security team an extremely thorough rundown of every breach in their defenses that she had exploited. Jin Guangyao still desperately wishes someone had thought to record Nie Mingjue’s reaction when the girl, -- standing no taller than his abs and thoroughly uncaring of the danger she was putting herself in -- had laughed in his face, popped her bubblegum, and told him that it had taken no longer than an hour that afternoon to get her hands on everything digital in the ‘dome, not just their camera feeds. He hasn’t seen his lover turn that shade of red in a very long time, nor ever seen him so clearly tempted to shout at someone younger than half his age.

Anyway — she’d taken a shine to Jin Guangyao within minutes of Lan Xichen ushering everyone into the ‘dome to avoid further scrutiny by the press, easily picking him out as the adult in the room besides her beloved daozhangs who would be most likely to indulge her quasi-legal and morally gray brand of ethics. So now here she sits, tinkering around with something Wei Wuxian had given her to turn into a signal jammer for anyone outside the ‘dome not on their frequencies, and Jin Guangyao has found himself on ersatz babysitting duty.

(She is also, according to Xiao Xingchen, worried about Xue Yang’s health and wouldn’t be able to focus well working somewhere she can’t keep an eye on his condition; an assessment which Jin Guangyao very politely and very secretly thinks is a load of horseshit.)

[angelsndragons]

Okay, since I see a lot of people either straight up panicking or saying that Caduceus’ playlist is straight up depressing (neither reaction I get)....I’m gonna offer a different reading of the songs here, how does that sound?

Death Bed Salesman - This is straight up about Caduceus’ family and his upbringing. His father even says some of the lyrics almost word for word in ep 96. Growing up surrounded by death and all the rituals created for the living left behind made Caduceus into the person he is. ‘This is how it has to end/So love somebody while you can’ like talk about a thesis statement for Caduceus’ outlook.

How are You Doing - Wow this song is pulling double duty. Caduceus is not a character who likes burdening other people with his own problems, preferring to keep a calm, polite distance between others and his feelings. The style of this song harkens over to Jester, it’s very bubbly and sweet sounding. Of course, this is also one of Jester’s primary issues (someone please tell the clerics they can be people with problems too). Now, if you do what I did and go watch the music video for this song, two things will stick out. One is the increasing ridiculous scenarios the singers find themselves in while going about their day to day lives juxtaposed against their ‘nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine’ lyrics. Two is the fact that these singers come out at the end of the song together, they have triumphed over the madness and nothing stopped them from doing what they wanted and needed to do. This song encapsulates early Caduceus, while he was getting a feel for the Nein and being drowned every other second, ultimately his contributions to the Pirate Arc were fundamental to the group’s success. 

Vegetables - Honestly, this song just reminds me of that early conversation with Fjord in the Sour Nest. Caduceus is cooking omelets and just casually asks Fjord if he could look for veggies down in the torture chamber since it would ‘make a good root cellar.’ Fjord is so caught off guard by this request, and understandably so, he just repeats ‘Roots?’ Caduceus then just lists off root vegetables like Fjord’s an idiot. Oh, Cad. XD Honestly I like that the beat line is being made by vegetable chomping, it just feeds into the ‘Caduceus is a giant magical cow man’ vibes and I love it.

When the World is at Rest - Xhorhaus! In the middle of that street! Xhorhaus! In all seriousness, this song pulls double duty as well. ‘I miss the sun but the moons will do in a pinch’ anyone? The first and most obvious thing this song reminds me of is when the group is given the house and Caduceus asks, ‘are we putting down roots here?’ With the single act of planting that tree on the tower, Caduceus turned the house into the Mighty Nein’s home. Can’t get your deposit back after that, after all XD. I think of how this home in the dark has sheltered and protected the Nein so many times. I think of them befriending Essek and how that wasn’t part of the plan (you know, like Caduceus himself). I think of how their plans to end the war were hatched in darkness, how violated they all felt when one of their own was taken and when another was assassinated under cover of night, because the darkness had come to feel safe to them. I think of how much the Nein has blossomed since this house became their home, since they all had a place to go back to that was theirs. I think of how the Nein has given the world a breather, a chance to rest, all because they returned a beacon and befriended a traitor. 

Wildflowers - So, there are a couple of interpretations of this song. One is setting a lover or loved one free from your own feelings and letting them go. Another is that the singer is trying to find a place to bury a loved one (’that home by and by’ around where I live and grew up is a roundabout reference to heaven). Honestly, both interpretations are apt for Caduceus. He does his best to not burden others with his worries and feelings, he was the one who stayed home, which granted his siblings the freedom they needed to leave, etc. The second interpretation fits Caduceus as well because we know one of his secret hopes is that the Nein will let him tend their bodies and graves when the time comes. And now I’m gonna put on my TeaHaw hat for a goddamn minute bc holy heck, this is such a good song for both of them, Caduceus reminding Fjord that he deserves freedom and his beloved sea again, Fjord teaching Caduceus to follow his heart and embrace new experiences. ‘I have seen no other/Who compares with you’ really fits their complimentary and praise styles with each other. Thank you, Tal.

Never did No Wandering - Don’t have much to add to what Taliesin said about the song. For once. I think of Caduceus’ loneliness in the Grove and his regret that he didn’t leave sooner. I think of how he could only leave in the context of duty, of just how much his duty as a grave cleric to Melora has defined and shaped his understanding of himself. I think of how long it took for him to voice his own desires and wants. I think of how he insists he isn’t wandering, that he is following a pre-ordained path. I think of how much work he still has to do when it comes to knowing what he wants and making peace with getting it just for his own sake. Also, hello more sailors.

When You Get to Ashville - Oof, so this song works both ways for Caduceus, both as the singer and the subject of the song. I think of him, home alone for ten years, wondering what was going on with his family, if they were safe (he knew they weren’t, he knew what it took to keep them from him), how he didn’t actually want to know unless he could help. As the subject, I see his family, having only been away for what was maybe two years for them, looking at the changes in him in awe and confusion. Nothing’s changed for them but boy howdy has Caduceus changed. The homebody has left the nest and saved them all and he very obviously doesn’t want to go home yet if at all. Caduceus has waited so long to get them back and to be a family again yet when the time comes, he can’t bring himself to return, as the singer implies about the subject. He knows his family will be there to catch him if he needs it but I think this episode is where it really hit him that he’d been trying to recreate a past that never could be again because he could never go back to being who he was. 

Fuck it I’m a Flower - Another Caduceus anthem. Upbeat with a few melancholy lyrics. You can take it as the singer divorcing themself from humanity or you can take it as the singer using flowers as a metaphor for their growth into someone who becomes more involved (the singer goes from not marching to taking on other people’s pain from their place of safety to fully embracing the movement to change things while they can). I don’t have any context for this song but it really freaking reminds me of those protest photos where a protester offers a flower to the riot police (fuck the police). Caduceus is blossoming into a man who genuinely cares about the wider world and the people within it. Not just abstractly, which I would argue he did back in the Grove. But being up close to the ordinary folks in the Dynasty, in the Empire, the Coast, has given him a new perspective on not just his place but where he wants to stand. I think of Jester’s conversation with him back in Oh Captain Who’s Captain, the world is much bigger and messier than Caduceus could have ever dreamed. I think of Caduceus befriending and being kind to their crew and Avantika’s. I think of ‘Nott, you went to find help, we’re here to help.’ I think of ‘one day someone will pray for a miracle and that prayer will be answered because you showed up, that’s what this is all about.’ From rescuing Yeza to saving Giants to shattering the chains binding two of his friends to bringing peace to two warring nations to separating justice from vengeance, just look at where he is now: no longer passive or uncertain of how they can contribute to the world, Caduceus and the Nein have brought so much good into it. Caduceus knows where he stands now. Some people say that he’s the Nein’s moral compass and I disagree with that entirely, he’s become the courage to act on their moral compasses. 

Oh Bury Me Not - Okay, so I know this is where some listeners start to get antsy with all the death talk in this song and the ones after it so breathe, it’s fine. Caduceus is a Grave Cleric, y’all. Tal says that this song is an expression of Caduceus’s religious beliefs, which, uh, yeah. There is no stained glass in the Blooming Grove temple, they do all their work outside the traditional structures of religion and civilization and do it gladly, etc. The ending Bury Me Not, okay, guys, Caduceus is the singer here, not the kid being sung about. It really drives home the Wildmother’s philosophy on death: when you’re dead, you’re dead and you have no say over what happens to the corpse left behind. I think of the corpse of the Great Hero and the founding of the Blooming Grove, the Menagerie, and the Kiln. I think of Caduceus’ onscreen death and how through it, he finds his path to the Kiln. I think of him reviving Fjord. I think of him and this island and how much of a perversion it is of the ‘natural order’. Also, just given how much Fjord has impacted has impacted Caduceus’ ideas of faith and signs and stuff, it’s so fitting that this piece is here. I also think cowboys and how Tal said he’d planned on using the Ocean Burial before he came across this, I see you, Tal. 

September Song - So that build up, huh? I think of Caduceus and the Nein readying themselves for a battle to the death to save Yasha and stop Obann. I think of all the close-calls and near misses. I think of how every day, these people choose over and over and over to stay together, in spite of the coming winter, in spite of the obvious danger, in spite how much safer they would all be if they went their separate ways and planted their heads in the sand. I think of how that, their time, is the most precious gift any of them could give the others. This is not a sad thing, by the way. All these people, who have been so badly wounded by others, who are so skittish and so distrustful and so guarded, choose to stay together over and over again. No matter the hardship. They choose to spend their lives together, they choose to be better together and for each other.

22 (Over Soon) - Guys, this is 100% an Episode 95-96 song. 100%, no question in my book. I think of what Caduceus doesn’t say to his family. I think of what he does say. I think of how overwhelmed he is when the Nein saves them, I think of how he can only muster ‘It’s been a long time.’ (All these years) I think of him trying so hard to be given permission to stay with the Nein without explicitly asking for it, the subtext of ‘would you forgive me if I don’t come home yet’ threaded through his every interaction with his family. I think of how Caduceus hands the seeds over to his sister and tells her to be the hero the Grove and their family needs. I think of how easily and willingly he gave up what he’s called his destiny and charge since the beginning in order to stay with the Nein. This is Caduceus saying good-bye once and for all to the dreams of things going back to the way they were. I think Caduceus had been hoping that his family had changed just as much as he had. I think if they had, he might have gone back with them. But they haven’t changed and he has. So he can’t go home. Not yet. He cloaks his desire to stay with the Nein once more in duty but make no mistake, it’s desire that’s keeping him with them, people who may not understand him but who try and who are there and who accept the new person he has become. The build-up Tal was talking about? This is it. The moment where Caduceus first puts himself and his desires above what he thinks is his duty. The moment that Caduceus fully realizes how much he has changed and what an earth-shattering revelation it is.

We’ll Meet Again - Meetings and Partings have always had a special place in Caduceus’ arc, especially metatextually. He was the character who replaced another, who was rescued from his static seclusion by three of the Nein and who in turn rescued the three captive members. I think of how this song is a promise that, come what may, the singer will do their damnedest to return and make that promise a reality. I think of all the weird and wonderful people Caduceus has met in his short time outside the Grove. I think of all the shop keeps who just love this pink fuzzball and how many times they tell him to come back. I think about the Dusts, the meeting and parting and sanctuary they gave him. I think about Reani and Nila and how his kindness to them has come back threefold (Reani escorting his family home, Nila protecting the Grove). I think about Essek. I think about how driven Caduceus became to reforge the sword after Yasha was taken, to bring her home. I think of Caduceus prodding the Gentleman into reconciling with Jester. I think of his delight in the coincidences that keep lining up between him and Fjord. I think about Caduceus and Beau and how proud he is of her growth. I think of his declaration in the dome that ‘We aren’t done until we’ve saved each other.’ 

Enjoy It - And we wrap up our playlist with another Caduceus thesis statement: don’t worry about the things you can’t change, find the goodness and light in all of your experiences. If it’s meant to be easy, it will be and if it’s meant to be hard, it will be hard. You’re the green bean and you can choose to become jaded at the storms or enjoy the water flooding your roots. This song also fits the lightness we’ve seen from Caduceus since sending his family home. His big quest, his reason for leaving home, has been fulfilled (so he thinks, pretty sure Molaesmyr will be calling in the Nein’s near future) so now he can just sit back, relax, and fully enjoy the ride.

TL;DR - Growing up and moving on is hard and painful but it is also triumphant and necessary. Learning to be who you are and to place yourself on your list of priorities is a journey full of quiet work that few rarely glimpse. Caduceus’ whole arc has been about who he is and what he’s going to do with the strong moral compass he’s got - Is he going to continue to live in the world, even with all the pain, struggle, joy, and goodness that comes with it, or is he going to retreat from it, go back to his little patch of green and forget about it? All signs point to the former, not the latter. In tarot, Death means transformation and sweeping change even more than it does literal death. Caduceus’ playlist is all about the transformation of his self even as he remains true to his core beliefs.

[dgcatanisiri]

So... something kinda hit me abruptly and pushed me to feeling about ready to snap, so... Have a word vomit. Kinda feels like a greatest hits compilation of  my “another angry queer rant” tag, but I need to get it out, so...

I know I’ve been over plenty about how I don’t feel represented even when I have something with gay representation. How I’d give dozens of Dorians and Iron Bulls to get even one run of Inquisition that properly has my male Inquisitor romance Cullen. How when I look at Mass Effect - this franchise that I love - I can only see how much it hates me for being a gay man who dares to seek content for me. How godawful it is that Gil’s story, a story that is explicitly a story centered on a gay man and the difficulties he faces BECAUSE of being gay, was written by a straight person who ABSOLUTELY does not GET. IT. And how fandom as an entity sucks, because so often it feels like the attitude of the people in it comes across as telling me that my desire to be represented in my media somehow comes in second to celebrating the advances solely for women, that my needs as a queer MAN (the emphasis usually theirs) are less important, because I can still see myself AS A MAN in other characters throughout media.

But... That doesn’t change the fact that this is a very real, very tangible THING for me to grapple with. And sometimes it feels like no one ever, EVER talks about this.

I mean, my go-to example is that after Inquisition dropped, you could not say A WORD in criticism of Dorian without people jumping down your throat, chomping at the bit to call you a homophobe for it. No matter what reason - but ESPECIALLY if you thought he was “too stereotypical” - you got hit with that label. Even if you were gay yourself, it was just your “internalized homophobia” that made you dislike him, or even being biased against the people who genuinely do lean in to the stereotypes, don’t they deserve representation too?!

Well, yeah. It’s not like I was saying they don’t. But that it’s a stereotype means it’s often still in media, still often THERE. It’s not always good representation, but it’s something. Meanwhile for those of us who AREN’T? It just meant further exclusion from the narratives. A continuation of our invisibility.

And sure, one queer character cannot represent every queer person, one individual who embodies one letter of the alphabet soup cannot be everything to everyone under that individual label. But, again, it still means that I don’t get to see myself.

If media representation is a life preserver, then I’m getting pulled out to sea while the lifeguards are busy with people who are closer to them than I am. Which, you can call it triage, cast the widest net to hope to get the most people, but when you’re one of those who are not even able to grab on to the net and use it to pull yourself closer, it’s not helping. And, because they’re focused on those who have grabbed on to the net, your struggle continues to be ignored.

Worse, sometimes they aren’t factoring you in the net they’re throwing (yes, I’m aware my metaphor is getting increasingly strained, just work with me here) because they think you’re not in the trouble they think others are - if you can “pass” as cishet, if you can exist without actively fearing for your safety, if you are the kind of person who can walk down the street and not expect to be harassed because you “present” gay, then you’re not as in need as those people who can’t, who are going to be threatened for existing while visibly queer.

But the truth is that you’re still suffering. I’m not gonna get in to the whole oppression Olympics nature of it all, but there is an element that those of us who “pass” as being “straight-acting” (and, for the record, I think these terms are bogus and bullshit, but I’m using them for the sake of simplicity in getting my message across, because I’m stream of consciousnessing this post instead of going to bed so you’re getting babble and word vomit so that this isn’t playing on a loop as I try and sleep) suffer that... I’m not going to say that it makes it worse, but it does have this level of SOMETHING that is a unique pain that you aren’t going to find from the people who are visibly and noticeably queer at a glance - it’s not just isolation, because this is something that you end up not talking about because no one around you realizes that you are queer, but also this voice in the back of your mind that starts questioning “are you REALLY queer? Are you queer ENOUGH?”

And that’s why it hurts that little bit more, is that much more a twist of the knife, when I see these people who push the “joke” of like “why did they even HAVE male Shepard?” or “the only way to play is as Kassandra.” Because it does reinforce this idea - that there is this attitude of this thing, this character that I was seeing as representation doesn’t matter. So that I take strength in that character, well, that’s just me latching on to REPRESENTATION AS A MAN, and we’re not here to protect your fragile masculine ego.

When all I’m looking for is a queer man like I am.

And sometimes, I don’t even feel like the other queer men I can look to get it. Like, there was that time about a year ago that I looked up issues of queer men in video games, and the three videos I found all got an “...and NOPE!” reaction from me - the first argued in math about how “queer people are a small portion of the population, we can’t realistically expect to be represented equally,” even though we’re talking about FICTION, which is, by definition, NOT reality, the second was clearly a cishet who compared not being represented as a queer person to not being represented as a Swedish person, and then a third who first had a thumbnail on a video of “good and bad representation” and Kaidan was the example of bad (so a negative mark against this video to begin with, but I was desperate), only to lead with Dorian as a good example, which... *vague motion above and at the “dorian critical” tag* I staunchly disagree with this stance.

Like... I have to struggle to think of who my role models in being a queer man are. It’s not just who fits my story, but who do I look up to, who inspires me. And, admittedly, the luster for any personal hero seems to inevitable wear off at this point, I’m in my early thirties, and most of the media I consume will have characters who are my age or younger PERIOD, so my queer heroes would have to be people I’d consider either peers or even someone who I am older than...

But then, that’s kinda the thing about being queer period - we lost a generation to AIDS, and for those who followed that generation, we’ve had to live in this world where our heroes don’t exist like us, while trying to pave the way for those who come after us, and who can’t conceive of what it is like to age - as in “go from adulthood to middle age to elder,” not just the matter of growing up from childhood to adulthood - and so even as they’re the one who we want to give all of this to... It still means we suffer because no one is there to offer US that hand.

And yet, try to explain this to media creators, and you get ignored or even shut down. Like, I about a year ago, I directly replied to tweet from Patrick Weekes, explaining how Inquisition failed me, how all bi LIs actually HELP me feel more represented as a queer person than the mix of sexualities that BioWare on the whole has said that they intend to do (re: the difference of LIs in DA2 and Dragon Age Inquisition). It got no response, not even a like to indicate that it’d been read by them. I could form in my head the response I’d have inevitably gotten from David Gaider when he still had an active Tumblr of what would amount to, nicest, “we cannot please everyone, enough people were moved by Dorian’s story to make it worthwhile, sorry.” Given some of my cynicism, I can’t help but believe that it would also have come with a “sorry you feel that way.” Particularly considering some of the comments he’s made about Cullen and Kaidan as LIs, both of whom being characters I connect to more than others in their respective games...

And like... Gaider is a gay man. Weekes is nonbinary. But they are from that generation who view being able to exist openly as queer as a revolutionary statement, which... It’s a statement I want to make, sure, but it’s not a revolutionary one to me - “existence” is the bare minimum. To me, focusing on existence as a queer person is to say that the queer character must justify existing as queer in order to be a part of the narrative. But what is revolutionary to me is to give the queer person a story in the narrative that has NOTHING to do with their queerness.

Like... Fantasy world here, Inquisition drops with Cullen and Cassandra as same-sex exclusive LIs, while every other aspect of their stories are the same. Women can’t romance Cullen, Men can’t romance Cassandra. Other than that, we have Cullen with his addiction/redemption arc and Cassandra not just struggling with her faith but even getting the chance to be Divine. Yes, fandom would FLIP. THE FUCK. OUT. But here’s what it says - the things that these characters go through in the course of the game are not defined by their sexuality. Hell, with these characters specifically, you get characters with MASSIVE relevance to queer stories that AREN’T exclusive to being queer - addiction is a real issue in queer communities, given how many of our safe spaces are bars or clubs, places where alcohol (and thus alcohol abuse) is easily obtained, and, by extension, drugs as well. Meanwhile, there are SCORES of queer people who struggle with the question of faith in the wake of their queerness manifesting.

THAT is revolutionary. To take these stories that straight people get all the time, that certainly have meaning as queer stories for the queer audience... And yet, when they go to these (hypothetically) queer characters, it has that subtext without making the story ABOUT their queerness, while still making it clear that, in this version of things, they are queer - players couldn’t pretend that it’s only in some parallel universe that they are queer, they would only be attracted to the same sex PC. THAT is revolutionary.

Or, y’know, take it back beyond BioWare for a little bit here - all the characters I feel the most connection to emotionally in TV shows are straight. All these men who are my role models only ever get shown being involved with women. At most, they’ll get queerbaited as MAYBE being queer, if you just keep watching! Inevitably, of course, they are not queer by the end of the show - the closest to date is the debacle that is Supernatural.

Yeah, there’s representation for ya.

And then there are those who end up looking at what I see as thoroughly inadequate and... They’re happy. They praise it. They look at this thing that hurts me, that excludes me, that can, when I’m in the bad headspaces, even make me question myself... And they have found something they like with it.

Which, for the record, good for them, genuinely and sincerely, I really am glad that someone is getting something out of this, but... Well, see above: life preserver, isolation, “sorry you feel that way.” Everyone else is getting what they needed, but what about me? When does my representation get to appear? Why am I always being left, scrounging for the scraps of the scraps? Why does other peoples’ representation always seem to get shoved to the front of the line, leaving me languishing in the back.

That’s the real thing about all of those lines of “if you don’t like it, go make your own!” At this point, even if I did manage to get something in my to-write folder cleaned up and ready to go, in reality... How am I supposed to feel like anyone other than me WOULD proceed to read it? That the audience would exist? Because... no one seems to care about this audience. Hell, how would I get anyone to publish it if it is only going to appeal to me?

I feel on the margins of the margins, where no one really cares. Hell, even here in my own blog, I feel afraid of backlash - I’ve had the assholes show up in response to like little brief comments that are off-the-cuff rambles, not worded in a way that makes them a full, detailed accounting, and either take them as evidence that I, personally, represent all that is wrong with fandom at large, or that I am a target for their trolling. Because saying that “I find the jokes about male Shepard not mattering to be diminishing of me as a queer person, can we please stop this?” is somehow not just lesbophobic, but VIOLENTLY lesbophobic. Or that saying that I don’t care that bad things happen to a fictional species is somehow advocating for violence against actual women. Or even explicitly calling out BioWare for lovingly lingering the camera on Miranda’s ass is slutshaming her. And of course, there are the assholes who responded to me saying on the BioWare Twitter announcement post for the Legendary Edition that, if it didn’t have a full trilogy male Shepard/Kaidan romance, I wasn’t buying it, and proceeded to a) call me entitled for it (like, read a dictionary, the very fact that I have to call for this content that doesn’t exist in the game proper is the OPPOSITE of entitlement...), b) tell me that I “shouldn’t deny [myself] a great story just because it doesn’t have gay people in it” and c) just generally be homophobic. Even in rolling with it on the basis of “the trolls are gonna show up period if you make it clear that you care about something, especially if you are trying to get representation for some group that is in the minority... It gets exhausting. It can be harmful. It makes it clear that you’re not welcome, even when you’re supposedly united by the fact that you and these people supposedly love the same piece of media.

I mean, among those examples, I’ve given the statements that inspired those responses no tags other than my own organizational tags, but SOMEHOW they find me anyway, so it wouldn’t surprise me if I got accused of like being another White Gay™ with this post, that I simply want to center the conversation wholly on myself at the expense of all other intersections of queerness and other identities or something for saying all of this, even though this is, and it says so from the start, a vent post, which, by definition, is centered on myself because it’s about me and my experiences and emotions. *sigh*

Anyway...

And, y’know, when BioWare actively refuses to even ACKNOWLEDGE that the absence of a full trilogy M/M romance option is a bad thing, it just ends up saying that the trolls are actually the audience they’re willing to court. That Supernatural ending with a brothers only focus that doesn’t even allow Cas to be mentioned other than offhandedly while suppressing ANY kind of emotional fallout to his admission of love says that they don’t care about the queer people who at the very least the actor was trying to be respectful and representative of. That every piece of media that says that to have a queer person in it, their presence must be explained and justified is saying that there needs to be a REASON for queerness, a reason that is not “because people are queer, and queer people come in as many stripes as cishet people, and so media should reflect that spectrum just as much.”

Even when the numbers of queer characters in media goes up, it doesn’t really move the needle. And that’s not even getting to the difficulties when you are any mix-and-match combo under the queer umbrella, or any other identity that intersects to marginalize someone in our society. It just...

Y’know, it doesn’t feel like “it gets better.” Rather it just feels like being stuck in position, just with a changing backdrop. Sure, things look different by the end of the day, but that doesn’t change that you’re not getting anywhere.

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Pokemon Johto Journeys, Episodes 37-41

In which one episode really sucks, Team Rocket team-ups are always fun, and we reach the end of our first leg of Johto.

Loveless

I tend not to talk too much about Pokemon’s bad episodes during this binge-watch, because, well, they’re usually not that interesting. Bad episodes of Pokemon are mostly bad because nothing interesting happens in them. They’re flavorless time-fillers where the characters repeat their character quirks at a base level, with no innovation or imagination, and we move on without anything of value being gained. And it’s no real surprise whenever they show up. This is a show designed to run forever with an endlessly recycling formula, playing to the lowest common denominator; by law of averages, it’s gonna have off days. No story running this long can be at the top of its game 100% of the time; even Gintama had a few episodes here and there that missed the mark. So there’s not really anything I can talk about with these episodes. They’re little more than dead air devoid of meaningful discussion topics, like styrofoam packing peanuts scattered throughout a bowl of trail mix. Best just to chomp them down and move on to the pretzels and M&Ms without sparing them any thought. Yes, this metaphor has gotten away from me, but I think you get my point. Pokemon’s off episodes aren’t interesting to talk about most of the time, so I don’t talk about them.

But then there’s the rare episode that actually sucks. Not because it lacks meaningful content, but because the content itself is bad. Those episodes, I can talk about, because bad content is still content and we’re all about content here. And hoo boy, does Love, Totodile Style suck. It’s the worst kind of stock plot: Totodile falls in love with an Azumarill and proceeds to embarrass the living fuck out of himself trying to woo her until we reach the obvious twist that she’s in love with her owner’s Golduck and he never stood a chance. Yes, they’re just Pokemon, but I still cannot stand romantic subplots that deal in secondhand embarrassment. It is agony watching Totodile not get the hint for twenty straight minutes. The moment where he interrupts Marill’s performance on stage and inserts himself into the spotlight? Christ, I could feel my soul leaving my body. And I hate how these subplots rely on dumbing everyone else down so they’re blindly egging Totodile on without taking a second to think, “Hey, maybe pressuring a girl into dating you isn’t a recipe for a healthy relationship.” It’s a pain to sit through, and I breathed the biggest sigh of relief when it was over. Let’s move on from that disaster and move on to greener pastures.

Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

And thank god there were greener pastures waiting just over that hill, because WE GOT MORE TWERP/ROCKET TEAM-UPS, BABY! God, I love it whenever Ash and company are forced to work with their eternal pursuers. As I’ve always said, whenever they stop chasing each other’s tails and work toward a common cause, it becomes abundantly clear just how well Team Rocket would work as good guys. In this case, splitting everyone up in two mixed teams ends up being a great opportunity for Team Rocket to realize how good Ash and his friends have it compared to them. Jessie ends up having a bit of an existential crisis over it; compared to her squabbling pals, Ash and his friends genuinely care for each other, worry for each other’s safety, eat lovely food every day, and train strong Pokemon thanks to the trust between them. She’s even struck by their kindness when they give her a warm blanket from the night. But, of course, James’s absolute trust in Jessie to handle whatever lunacy comes her way is proof that Rocket’s just as much a family as the twerp squad. And when they all come together to save each other from the Ursaring, their teamwork is something to behold. Just look at all of them cheering together when they come out safe! Just goes to show they should have each other’s backs more often.

And that’s not even the only time they almost work together in this set of episodes! The final episode of Johto Journeys brings back two familiar faces I’ve been missing for a while: Butch and Cassidy. It’s always fun when they show up, because they’re our in-universe reminder that outside our usual bumbling trio, Team Rocket is actually a competent criminal organization that can pose an actual threat. But even they’re nothing compared to the majesty of MOLTRES JAMES! Good fucking lord, the sight of this goober swinging into battle wearing a Moltres costume laid me right out on the floor. Turns out, he can actually b cool when he just has enough misplaced confidence to consider himself a king. Even Victreebell listens to him for a change! Someone should give him astrology placebos more often, he could become a real force to be reckoned with.

Best of Team Rocket

-”Make it double, we’re in the big owl!”

-”Right after this next commercial!”

-”But the box didn’t include instructions on how to be ashamed of anything!”

-”Isn’t there a rule about thieves not stealing from other thieves?”

-”It must stick in your craw that Noctowl’s stuck in our claw!”

-That little “Wobuffet!” as Team Rocket goes blasting off cracks me up.

-”I always have trouble going straight!” Meowth bisexual icon confirmed.

-”Heroic sub maritime sandwiches” oh my god Meowth

-”We’ve gone from one redhead bossing us around to another!”

-”Don’t even think!” “That should be easy!”

-”I said psychic, not psychotic.” Poor Wobuffet.

-”Dominate the world? I thought we were going to use them to entertain on cruise ships!”

-”Prepare for trouble, we got you this time!” “Now make it double, that’s easy to rhyme!”

-”I love the Apollo 11 look!” alskdjaskdj but why tho

-”Where do you get the nerve and where did you get the muscles?”

-skdjhsdfh Wobuffet with the shoulder pat of support

-”My blue blob isn’t so bungling!” I love Wobuffet so much, you guys.

-”You were much better without a personality.”

Odds and Ends

-He literally just sounds like Donald Duck, I cannot unhear that now.

-”It’s almost as good as the kind in a can!” Brock, don’t shortchange yourself.

-”That’s B as is brave Blastoise!” ...I take that back, do shortchange yourself, Brock.

-Lmao, hypnosis is always fun.

-”I have a rare and unusual Pokemon!” ffs why you gotta drag Psyduck like that

-Daaamn, Ash putting in work again!

-Everyone underestimates the normal-types until they break out the Hyper Beam.

-”Get over here, you’re on our side!” oh my god I didn’t even notice Psyduck there sdkfhskfhskdf

-OH SURE NOW YOU JUMP BACK IN YOUR POKEBALL

-Is... is this Girafferig saying “kirin”? Wakarimasu.

-I like the idea of a town full of psychic pokemon owners where everyday life includes Abras teleporting all over the place. It’s the little touches that make this world come alive.

-”I just made it up as I went along!” *applause* skdjfhskjdfhksdhf

-”Hey, only I get to jump in front of dangerous psychic beam attacks!” -Ash, probably

-Today on Pokemon, we learn that astrology is bunk.

-Misty is a Gyarados through and through, and we love her for it.

And that’s Johto Journeys complete! Next up is Johto League Champions, but first I think I have a movie to get to. See you then!

[matchstickwords]

Oh my god, I'm not gonna lie and say this is the red crop top I pictured Steve was wearing here but also now it can be. (Which makes the part where Billy grabs the hem 100% hotter. How can you expect Billy to L I V E after witnessing such perfection? How did he even drive with Steve wearing that just inches apart. it's beyond me)

I imagine Steve's mom goes to France or Italy and brings him stuff that Steve wears 1 (one) and only one time and he totally hides in the back of his wardrobe.

And now suddenly I'm writing Billy's pov, fuck. Harringrove once again taking over my life.

-

When Neil ordered him to ferry Maxine around for the summer Billy was pissed. Beyond furious.

But that was before he found Steve Harrington looking like a wet dream by the side of the road with the gaggle of children he pretended not to like.

Billy was drivin' his car windows down, fast enough that he could feel the breeze even if it had that vague earth and farm quality to it. When his brain caught up with the shapes surrounding the familiar BMW Harrington drove. He put the car in reverse and met the other car.

His intent was to yell something mean and cutting but vaguely helpful when his eyes landed on Steve. And he swore all breath left him.

Billy stared. Something hungry roared inside him at the sight of Steve's exposed skin. He wore white shorts that positively hugged him making plain to everyone what monster he had trapped in those tight shorts. And a red crop top that looked painted on.

He knew the shape of Steve's body from the locker room of course and the showers but not enough, he never had time to let his eyes wander for so long. Not like this, where Billy had the opportunity because his black lenses covered him. His eyes did tend to follow the line of Steve's big shoulders down to his slim waist briefly because you're not supposed to look. And if Billy let himself he wouldn't be able to stop. Like right now.

Steve was wearing- he, Billy knows Steve is rich or something. Since he lives in the better part of town. But this?

Steve looks like a model from an expensive magazine. Vaguely he recalls from a time when his mom had to stash him at work because the nanny bailed on her. A magazine heavy and glossy that belongs to a big fancy house. He remembers mom telling him don't touch anything, sit tight until I'm done and I'll give you candy. As she gave him the first thing she found to entertain himself while she cleaned. Billy tried to read it. some of the letters he knew but he couldn't make a lick of sense off them, but it was filled with pictures anyway and he spent an afternoon looking at men and women dressed for parties or dressed for the beach.

Steve looks like he belongs there. Long soft hair, skin shining. Billy wants to taste every part of him.

Steve's shoulders are hunched as if he can tell Billy is looking. Harrington takes his sweet time giving him his attention.

Steve's lips are sucking on a popsicle. Making his lips red and shiny making this so much harder for Billy so he leaves the pleasantries to Max. He's never gonna get this chance again.

Until he has to stop looking at Steve's fingers when Max sharply stabs her pointy elbow into his arm. He has no idea what is happening but he maintains his cool and slides his shades to slowly leer at Steve. He makes his offer knowing Steve won't say yes because that's what he always does when he's exposed with his presence and it's only Billy's entire fault. He can at least say that much.

Then the younger Byers is tripping over himself to share his popsicle and while Billy can smile over that, his eyes don't stray from the drop of sweat that travels down Steve's temple.

Steve makes a face and it shouldn't make Billy light up like a fucking cheap neon sign but it fucking does because it means he wins.

His plan is to chomp on the popsicle and be done with the whole thing until, until Steve Harrington says "just the tip" and Billy is not a saint but he thinks somewhere out there someone should build him a shrine when he shuts his trap about it (but mostly It's because he's trying not to choke).

He dares Steve to move when he doesn't take the popsicle. Steve's bitchy face is all he ever needs to get him going, so he does his most for it. Steve gets closer and when Billy meets him halfway his gold Virgin Mary medal clanks against the driver's door.

Billy is looking right at Steve when he deepthroats that cherry popsicle. Sees the way Steve swallows and thinks gotcha.

See, Billy is going places.

He pops it back with one hand when the bushy kid screams tramping over Sinclair to get into the car. Not even the dread of having five kids on his backseat can overshadow this.

But still, he crosses over the metaphorical straight line to test Steve. His fingers tingle when he touches Steve's warm skin and pulls softly on the red hem of the crop top "I love summer" he says cheekily when he means exactly what Steve thinks he means but he can't say, with the Oliver Twist wannabes behind him.

He enjoys the shiver that he elicits when he ghosts his fingers over Steve's happy trail.

Billy's gonna get it.

He smiles and tries not to crash his car when Steve sits in the passenger side his legs in full display.

He swears mentally. Billy can't die yet so he keeps his eyes on the road. He can feel every time Steve moves. The kids start screaming about god knows what and Steve turns to yell at them and Billy can smell him.

This is hell.

[unexaltedonewhoisnotking]

Was reminded by a discord friend that First Kill premiered today so I spent the day dropping my reactions and junk in our #gay channel

spoilers ahead

Okay started watching rn because thank you for reminding me and good good the fucking? Theme song? Has a line “our love is deeper than Edward and Bella’s”. First of all that’s a pretty low bar right. Second. Stop. We have no need for a twilight reference within literally the first minute of your show in the year of our lord 2022. Inevitable twilight reference in vampire media is acceptable but do not kick it off IMMEDIATELY with that

So blood pills?

Idk I have been curious since the trailer how vampires work here. Because Juliette seemed to be implied to be born a vampire. How does that work.

If I was Juliette I would have started killing people to drink their blood long before my birthday because I cannot swallow a pill. Gimme the liquid blood

It’s acting all mysterious about her being a vampire lol

Juliette: is burned by silver and has fangs for a moment, Narration: “Oh yeah. That.” Omg guys she’s a vampire I did not see it coming

Juliette: “What was it like? Your first?” Aunt: “Freddy. He was beautiful. Eyelashes for days” gears whirring in asexual brain :squint:

[yes I know now that that is her sister, not her aunt, but I didn’t know at the time that I originally made that message]

Something something eroticism of vampires. Apparently a trend here (based on a sample size of two lmao) to choose someone attractive as your first? Emphasis on this whole first thing. Is this whole thing supposed to be some kind of loss of virginity metaphor

Still no clarity on how one grows up as a vampire, Ig they’re not undead?

Oooh nice nice we get Calliope narration too

Lmao the CGI is not super great. It’s supposed to be a little creepy, oh no how did this Gross Monster get here but then it’s just funny watching its head roll away

“She passed out? She didn’t disintegrate? Then that wasn’t a vampire Cal” 😭 Is the mum just disappointed that Cal doesn’t know her monsters and not, like, freaking out that Cal (seemingly) stabbed a human? ARE YOU NOT CONCERNED THAT YOUR DAUGHTER POSSIBLY KILLED A HUMAN

The kiss scenes are. Hgmm. They really just start. Convulsing

“You ate my mother” PLS WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY. Man just stood still and unhinged his jaw and CHOMPED HER WHOLE BODY DOWN jfgdksud when your mother in law’s a bitch amiright

“A few people were acting sus” AMOGUS I saw Juliette vent!!!!

“I can’t eat, sleep or think straight unless we’re together” i don’t think you’re exactly thinking straight when you’re with her either are you

Whoa is it fitting to feel another tooth coming in while watching a vampire show? My wisdom teeth are apparently coming in left bottom, right bottom, now right top and how DARE they. I don’t put on my shoes and socks in different orders, I don’t expect my teeth to defy this rule 😤

Those restraints did NOTHING

Pls the camera pointed up at Theo’s face while he’s running just looks so funny

Why… why did I get it in my head that Talia and Jack were Theo’s aunt and uncle? Calliope clearly called him and Apollo her brothers and yet when it was revealed that Theo’s mother was dead my brain was like oh BOTH of his parents are gone and he lives with his aunt and uncle. My sister and I are half-sisters, half siblings should have been my first assumption

lmaooo these werewolves… again with this bad CGI

Carmen deserved to actually be more involved but as it is she kinda just exists to look dramatic

[alien-bodies]

Oversharing Time!!!

(i just made that title up that’s not the official title I’m just Like That)

Ok so @frogyell​ tagged my main account (I am BLEST) but that’s for Refined Star Trek Content and this one’s for excellent moodboard content and garbage so here’s the garbage!!! I’m putting it under a cut bc it manipulates your brain to want to read through 85 fuckin facts about me more wow I love science

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1. last drink: Water! off to a great start

2. last phone call: my local Hot Topic. I feel like I should also mention I work there. But if you don’t know that and steal my phone you’ll see I have a contact named Hot Topic

3. last text message: Google sent me a verification code, but the last one I sent was to my brother it says “k”

4. last song you listened to: It’s called The Horror Of Your Love by Ludo, if I had to delete all but one song on my 121-song Best Enemies playlist I’d keep this one it’s Peak and kinda has vore but it’s metaphorical. metavoreical, if you will

5. time you cried: during my latest EMDR sesh! I was in Wales and everything it was a Lot I got ice cream after

6. dated someone twice? Big No

7. kissed someone and regretted it? Not really?

8. been cheated on? my ex had 16 anime dating sims downloaded at one point while we were dating does that count

9. lost someone special? yea

10. been depressed? hella

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? I’ve been drunk 1 time and it was when I was playing English handbells at my dad’s church’s wassail night but I did not throw up no

fave colors

12. Black

13. Lavendar

14. Light blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends? Hell Yell!!

16. fallen out of love? k i n d a ? ?

17. laughed until you cried? oh absolutely

18. found out someone was talking about you? OH BOY YUP YUP

19. met someone who changed you? yes! she managed to physically alter my hippocampus without touching it how fuckign whack is that

20. found out who your friends are? It’s always the same miraculous group chat

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? sure have

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? I keep it nice and refined so all of them. My old account is another story

23. do you have any pets? one beautiful and talented cat named Moriarty. A good description is she’s got puppy software on cat hardware.

24. do you want to change your name? listen I’ve been through 4.5 of these fuckers, I like Nate, I’m Quite Finished

25. what did you do for your last birthday? invited 2 pals over, I remember one of them suddenly whipped out I Am The Doctor and the Dr Who theme on the piano out of fuckin nowhere and I was like “Daniel what the hell you’re so talented” and then I hardcore dissociated the rest of the day

26. what time did you wake up today? 10:00

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? chatting w @houseofoakdown​ and also editing my monstrosity of a fanfiction

28. what is something you cant wait for? Going back to school! then I can graduate in my pajamas and eat creamed corn in celebration

30. what are you listening to right now? the same goddamn playlist, this one’s called Battle Cry by The Family Crest, i cri erytiem

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? probably???

32. something thats getting on your nerves? my brother vaping in the bathroom with the fan on at 12:30am

33. most visited website: tungle dot hell

34. hair color: I started out blonde af now I’m less blonde but still blonde.

35. long or short hair: short

36. do you have a crush on someone: :[] yes

37. what do you like about yourself: i’m hella smart, my moodboards are bangin, my writing is cool af, I’m well-hydrated at all times

38. want any piercings? Big No

39. blood type: A+!!!!! thats me!!!!!

40. nicknames: my brother calls me a goon sometimes

41. relationship status: im married to my laptop

42. zodiac: I was born on the last day of Taurus so I’m a definite Taurus/Gemini power combo

43. pronouns: they/them, tho in some places I use he/him bc The Dysphoria got hog wild enough I decided to pretend to be a trans guy so ppl would take me seriously, but I’m moving more towards they/them everywhere now. 

44. fave tv shows: Dr Fuck, Sherlock (I’m armed with a pitchfork and an arsenal of beefed up tv & film knowledge come on fight me), DOWNTON ABBEY

45. tattoos: in August I will get a bee on my right arm and probably a Secret Word in Gallifreyan on my left it’ll say fuck

46. right or left handed: one time I was bored in grade 10 and tried to make myself ambidextrous but that was a hassle so I’m firmly right handed. Except in archery.

47. ever had surgery: got all 4 wisom teeth out not long ago! I still need to squirt water in my gum holes so I get all the mushy food out :{

48. piercings: I used to have my ears pierced but they’re grown tf over now!

49. sport: first of all what the hell is this question looking for second of all I have a red belt (which is 2 below black belt) in Taekwondo. I really need to do that again hhhhhh

50. vacation: i went to England and France in the summer with my family as a “””grad trip”””, it was lots of fun but my collection of sensory issues extended to chomping and I dissociated so intensely in The Louvre my mom told me to go back outside so I wrote fanfiction while listening to 21 Pilots and chatting w my imaginary friends and it took me like 18 hours to process I’d seen The Mona Lisa with mine own 2 eyes. Also the plane was delayed twice bc we used Air Canada for some godforsaken reason and I had 0 hours of sleep when I went to the Sherlock Holmes museum and I started talkin to this bust of Sherlock Holmes and then I hadn’t eaten enough and we were walking to this bookstore and I said “I need food!” and my dad said “We’ll get it AFTER” then I shouted “I’M GONNA DIE” so I got a BLT from Tesco. 

51. trainers: h

more general

52. eating: the last thing I ate was chocolate chips straight out of the bag

53. drinking: I got another cup of water

54. im about to watch: my entire fanfiction to take 3000 notes on consistency. and by watch I mean read

55. waiting for: my brother (not vaping) to get out of the bathroom so I can PEE

56. want: Orphan Black to be on Netflix so I can actually binge watch it then call my grandma about it

57. get married: idk I didn’t think I was a get married person but since realizing I’m a lesbian it seems like a good idea!

58. career: nurse and a writer. I might just move to London and work double time to write enough scripts I have some street cred then pitch a TV adaptation of Faction Paradox to the BBC and win

which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs bc it means my friends are in my vicinity not Toronto

60. lips or eyes: uh. eyes???????????

61. shorter or taller: i’m 5′3″ and I would love a tol partner

62. older or younger: i don’t think I care

63. nice arms or stomach: what fresh hell does this mean. I’d like a nice stomach free of gastrointestinal issues and acid reflux. not that I have either of those but just in case

64. hookup or relationship: I have 300 many self-esteem issues so imma say relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: AU where I don’t have anxiety and I’m a trouble maker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: noop

67. drank hard liquor: I PUT RUM IN THE WASSAIL HELL YEAH also once someone bought me a shot at a queer dance thing bc it was payday and my friend told me to gulp the WHOLE SHOT and then the lemonade so I don’t barf and I was like “brah this is too high-stakes” so I poured the vodka in the lemonade and took sips and everyone stared at me

68. lost glasses: in grade 6 and then my mom threatened to make me wear one of those granny glasses chains so I never lost them again

69. turned someone down: ya this kid Cyrus used to chase me around in grade 5 and I’d run away always he was weird af one time he made out with a folder right in front of me in the middle of class

70. sex on first date: probs not at this point but I’m not opposed to the general idea when I’m less w h a c k e d  u p

71. broken someones heart: Not that I know of?

72. had your heart broken: c o n s i s t e n t l y in the most fricked up ways god

73. been arrested: no but once I booed at the police bc the local nazis (yeah) were gonna have a rally so we had a counter-rally and I dropped in but there were no nazis except one old dude in a MAGA hat showed up 2 hours late lmao

74. cried when someone died: oui

75. fallen for a friend: Big Lesbian Mood

do you believe in

76. yourself: YA BB

77. miracles: not as such

78. love at first sight: nah

79. santa claus: I wasn’t allowed to believe in Santa as a child bc he was “too much like God” sad

80. kiss on a first date: ye!

81. angels: big no

other

82. best friend’s name: I don’t exactly have a proper best friend but I’m goin with Liam

83. eye colour: blue/grey

84. fave movie: either The Force Awakens (bc I love bb8 and I’m gay 4 Rey) or Interstellar shut up

85. fave actor: uh idk let’s go with my brother

WOW THAT WAS LONG JEE🅱️US. I’m tagging @houseofoakdown @spoonietimelordy @gemvictorfromtheponyverse @spockswhales @raesand and that exhausts the ppl I know but you’re all worth quadruple in my heart 💖

[sharethisgemwithme]

“Adventures in Light Distortion” instant reaction

[Written on January 8-9. I was blind to this episode and the whole remainder of the Bomb, with the exception of tiny leaks and Youtube screenshots. Comments related to those spoilers are footnotes, marked with [#].]

Oh man, what a title. You see, the emphasis makes all the difference. Is it light distortion, as in little itty-bitty lies? After the previous episode, what further lies would we be telling? Or is there really the chance the gems are going to tell half-truths to Dr. and Mr. M and bring *Connie* along on this mission?!? Please oh please. Or, since the gems are light constructs, is it light distortion, as in the bending of light rays and such. And "Adventures in"... as in plural? I mean, obviously, the gems are going to chase after Blue Diamond. Are we going right to Homeworld? Are we doing this, for real? 'Cause sign me the hell up. Now, the gems have a ship, and I am 99% sure Pearl knows how to fly it because Pearl knows how to fix, operate, drive, or fly anything she damn well wants to, so we're about to find out just what it's like when the Ruby ship goes zoooooom [1]. I don't remember which is third, "Gem Heist" or "The Zoo", but whenever we meet up with Greg again (presumably at the zoo), are there other types of aliens there? Are there other gems? [2]

I'm spacing out the episodes, not chomping them all down at once, to give myself time to think about them. However, only the first episode remains available on VOD, so I'm watching tonight's via DailyMotion (the first place I saw that has the entire episode available in one video). So timestamps are those of the DM video, which has the intro begin at 0:09. As always, though, I’m watching straight through with no pauses or rewinds.

0:09 - Time to find a way. 0:32 - Hilary and Lauren tonight. (they fixed the title card, this was a Raven & Paul episode) 0:42 - Aww, no more Amethyst ponytail. 0:49 - Oh man, Pearl's losing her shit quickly. 0:59 - "Turn into a chair. I need to sit down." Wow. 1:17 - "That might be it." The zoo. Oh boy. 1:31 - Steven's like "are you fucking kidding me? a human zoo." 1:45 - Digging this music btw. 2:03 - Pearl going cross-eyed. 2:19 - "We're not coming back without Greg." That didn't sound as intimidating as I expected. 2:35 - They already flew on this, it should be OK. 2:55 - Aww. "Protect Beach City." 3:09 - "Bending reality." 3:26 - Lapis looks utterly thrilled about protecting BC. 3:42 - We're just totally handwaving all the oxygen issues. 3:53 - "Space turbulence"? Oh come on. 4:12 - WHAT ARE THEY ALL DOING IN THE SAME PLACE? 4:19 - "We should really do something about them." Ya think? 4:35 - It doesn't work that way. BTW, Greg's 40. Note to self. 5:03 - That doesn't sound good. 5:14 - NOT A GOOD DECISION, STEVEN. Maybe brace yourself before someone else hits the button. 5:35 - LOLOLOLOLOLO OH BOY. 5:50 - Oh my god, this is like almost chibi-size. 6:06 - "In what way is this funny?" EVERY WAY. 6:30 - I guess that makes sense. 6:41 - But they shouldn't all be the same size, so that's not really gonna work. 7:04 - I guess we're gonna spend the whole episode en route. 7:13 - STOP JUST MASHING BUTTONS, DUDE. 7:26 - Oh good, a big red X. That's never a bad sign. 7:31 - OH THAT'S NOT A BAD SIGN AT ALL. They just poofed? 8:07 - You might wanna get out of warp speed now. 8:31 - You can do it! 8:55 - Oh boy. Don't do this to yourself, Steve-o. 9:14 - Don't you goddamn dare do this "future vision" thing to me, here. 9:40 - HEALING TEARS? streaming back towards the gems. 10:23 - I guess, uhh, that makes sense. "Don't think too much about it." Don't worry, I won't. 11:04 - Time for stuff to happen! Next time... 11:20 - So is this Homeworld? Or are we still not quite there?

INSTANT REACTION - So it was the distortion of light we were dealing with, and honestly that was the kind of... not quite body horror, but body manipulation certainly that we would expect from a Paul & Raven episode, not a Hilary & Lauren. [N.B. I read several days later that this was in fact actually a Paul/Raven episode, and the title card was incorrect, so that makes sense] I'm a little embarrassed that the idea of Peridot and/or Lapis coming along never even occurred to me, but they were written out of the arc anyway. Steven's conversation with Connie was pretty curious, though. I wonder what she was saying on the other end of the line, but I really think she wanted to come along (as much of an absolutely terrible idea as that would probably be). We got a little more conclusive timeline. Greg would be turning 110 in 70 years, ergo he's 40 now, so he was 26 when Steven was born. Since he's "known the gems since [he] was 22", that means he spent about four years courting Rose. I know that I said "healing tears" above, and I am realizing now after the fact that Steven doesn't have healing tears, but rather healing spit. However, there really did seem to be SOMETHING there in him crying about making all these mistakes, and his tears streaming to the back of the ship. I could've sworn some landed on the gems. Obviously, since I've only watched the episode once, and in real time, I can't be sure about that (or if any of the gems were actually cracked as Steven feared, but I doubt that). At 9:14, I was briefly afraid that, with Steven monologuing how he's made so many mistakes and why couldn't he just trust Garnet's warning and now he's lost everyone, we were going to have a future-vision fake-out and reset back to the stairs outside the beach house, 4 minutes into "Dream". I would've been fucking PISSED if that had happened (side note: I've read a number of fan theories/jokes about how the last scene of the whole series is going to be Rose asking Garnet whether she should go to some concert on the beach, and that the entire series has been Garnet's future vision of what will happen if she does. It's cute, but entirely violates what little we do know about future vision), because it would've wiped away an entire episode, taken away Steven's agency to make his own decisions, and just been a fucking hack move. I'm glad that wasn't the case. I've said in the past that realistic astrophyics was never a strong point of this show, starting from the illogical gravity in "Laser Light Cannon", but I'm STILL peeved at the stereotypical asteroid belt (and though I'm amused at the trio of Rubies--I saw the first one was Navy, didn't catch who the other two were--there's no way they should all be together). That said, I appreciated the metaphorical dropkick they delivered to faster-than-light travel ("Don't think too much about it.")

SECOND WATCH THOUGHTS: Pearl's side-eye at "Back when I still served... Homeworld." WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, WOMAN? Seriously, Connie had some plan to go with Steven, or at least to do something. It's a longshot, but I'm calling it now: we are going to hear from Connie somehow before this arc is over. Pudgy, ruby-shaped Pearl is adorable. I see the really huge setting on the Roaming Eye showed up on the slot-machine-looking display as ♦ ♦ ♦ OK, doesn't seem to be any structural issues for the gems at any point while warping. That whole segment is really trippy though. As someone with minor eye issues that occasionally lead to double vision when my eyes are out of focus, it was really disconcerting. I feel like Steven's monologue is one part addressed-to-kids "Hey, when stuff around you is going poorly, you can make some rash and desperate decisions, but please don't think the original stuff is also your fault" and one part actual plot set-up, but I can't make out what it is. Whoops on the Rubies; the first one was Doc, followed by Army and Navy. That leaves Leggy somewhere off in the distance.

[1] - one of the screencaps Youtube spoiled for me was titled "Traveling faster than the speed of light" or something like that, so, yeah I'm pretty sure we'll get to see that. [2] - via tumblr posts that didn't get immediately hidden, or the tags that remained, I know there are a bunch more gems to meet. I'm still hopeful that at least a few of the Youtube screencaps were fanart, but... we'll see.

[thelastangryman-blog]

Ah! You Know What I Mean; Write?

A Three Course Meal Regarding the Current State of Converse Today

 1.       Definition

 When it comes to the Star Trek (series) debate; I’d be partial to Voyager. Not because it’s part of the Star Wars franchise. It was just a good show.

 I liked Captain Janeway and the crew; their adventures as they tried to get home. The Doctor and 7’s relationship – right in the feels that moment he confessed his love to her before the virus that was eating his programme deleted him forever. After he took his last virtual breath... the Captain asked the computer to run the back-up Doctor programme. #morto. But I digress.

One of the recurring enemies was The Borg Collective. ‘We are Borg. We are many.’

They were a human/machine hybrid with a collective hive mind. Totally badass; really got my 15 year old nihilist going, when I wasn’t masturbating to 7 or Janeway. Though as menacing as The Borg were, Species 8472 had The Borg scared.

Though we haven’t reached The Borg level of ‘resistance is futile’ yet, as if we had none of this Otherkin preferred pronouns triggers warnings would have seen the light of day. But we do have the collective hive mind – Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr: where the individual is problematic.

‘We are The Parroting Collective. We are many.  And we have a thousand and one shoeboxes of identity and gender politics.’

 Diluting words to the nth degree: peeling a layer off each time we place it in our shoeboxes until there’s literally nothing left of the word. Just like when Hugh Mungus raped Zarna Joshi.Intersectionalising and filibustering them into dust with no substance or taste left. Any wonder people are hesitant to speak their mind when they no longer know what words are now considered micro-aggressions. Everyone wants to start a conversation but no one wants to contribute. Individual comment is smothered by the collective’s blanket of buzzwords that bring nothing to the conversation but only make it more difficult and confusing. Words have to start meaning something again.

Arguments are now made by unlearning and rewording. As long as you submit a tomb of footnotes to confirm what you’re not saying. Predicating every statement; post and thought with a completed-abridged TL;DR A-Z of the things you stand for and don’t. All those pointless labels that first have to be seen and checked off some imaginary list so what you’re saying/asking can be allowed and only after every problematic word has been over-lapped on Venn diagrams into a black hole: finally to consult color-coded reference charts for the appropriate response.   Or the more frightening reality of discourse today: being fired, doxed or handed the racist, sexist, misogyny card – a hat-trick with as much validity as the original Holy Trinity – shown so many times it’s blank at this stage; you can write whatever you want on them when their definitions change every half hour.

Language itself is in a serious state dysphoria. And what does language trans into? Emojis and hashtags. Hieroglyphics?

 We’ve become so tightly wound, every word is negative-red and we charge-in-positive with hair triggers and its civil war in the comment section over an opinion: a word that is spelt with 2 eyes. I would go even further and say 4, 2 silent ones. We have to stop constructing rebuttals with our feelings. Argue the principle, the point; not the passion. All the facts and figures count for nothing if your passion speaks for you.

Ask any vegan, they’re a funny bunch. They’ve facts and figures for every sort of fact and figure and yet; they’re still a fringe-whinging minority. I sincerely admire their passion but when you share pictures of a child in a baking tray adorned with vegetables and an apple in their mouth… How can you reasonably respond to that?

I do see their point of view. I understand the argument they’re making. But their passion moots their point. Yet, I’d easily debate any meat-eater about the healthy, humane alternatives: though I’m still going to have a chop for dinner. Phss... You know that squirt you get in your mouth when you chomp into a sausage – that blast of hot delicious goodness that, that’s the essence of vegan tears.

And spare me the: you know there’s more potato in McDonald’s chips than meat in a sausage. So. Some people say abortion’s murder. Doesn’t mean they’re wrong. A true reflect of character, the individual as a whole, is not found in an opinion. Or half an argument.

 And if you’re wondering what this has to do with Star Trek? Well, I think we can all agree that that prequel of an abomination can fuck right off.

 2.       The Other R-Word

 Rape can be problematic. I’ve thought about it. I suppose a lot of us have at some point. It can be an alternative or at the very least; it can help reduce your meal costs. But you know yourself… F.C.E, %D.M.D and the other factors. And this all depends: are you fattening cattle or is it for pre-lactating ewes? Ha. Ha.

Make sure you know what you looking at before charging because sometimes son, the curtains are just blue. Whatever happened to face value? Will someone please put up some flyers or photos on milk cartons? But would we recognise it; if we saw it again? If postulating landed you in a straight jacket or the wrong side of the law, then where would we be? Still in the cave and not exploring space through the Stargate Universe. Though I think we moved back in, the cave, sometime ago. Did some renovations; got rid of the rock and replaced it with glass.

 We have to become familiar again with how to listen to the words that people are using and their context in-relation to the topic been discussed: individually and not interpreted through the tone-deaf shared collective. And learn to ignore the echo-friendly conscious bias sound-byte, a hard thing to do in a cave. I’ve always enjoying climbing trees, that’s not a metaphor but this is.

There’s more to a tree than the bright topical, ignorant, leaves on display. It’s not magic that has them floating there. Look passed the red leaves; see the branches they are connected to. Sometimes that’s where the point is made or found. But leaves tend to blow away with the passing breezes. The branches stay there. If you wanted to extend that metaphor, you could say that the leaves are a result of the roots that anchor the trunk to the ground.  But I’m no tree expert. However I do know that timber warms you 7 times.

Of course a words meaning, tone and context can change – I should know; I am literally a bastard, born in a country that used to take them from their mothers (Now, bastard’s the default birth cert setting) – but overtime and naturally. Simply squawking like a hen after laying an egg regarding the term Cis Privilege and how it has to mean something: aren’t you just a delightful little block of wood; Pinocchio.  And speaking of intelligent design, my old friends... The Vegans, God love them. They make funny arguments claiming that A.I (Artificial Insemination) is rape because the cow can’t give consent. And please, don’t take my word for it. Look that up. I dare you; I’ve been down that rabbit hole. Which leads me to the conclusion that, in that context, of a vegan narrative, it would allow for some hilarious rape jokes. I said look it up. I’m just mining the gold I see. The gold that it is. Nobody owns the river, Nestle would disagree. But fuck them.

 The books of Nietzsche and Kahlil Gibran thought me a lot about the individual but so did #197. She was an auld ewe we had years back. I would say she taught me more because she was real. The Internet doesn’t matter. Real life is more important.

  3.       Hocus-Pocus

 Anyone who’s ever received a rejection letter – or as they are known in the biz; a PFO – will know: all the complaining won’t change a damn thing. You have to be precise with your one shot.

 Here’s a classic scene from Cheers.

Sam, the ladies man, was told by one of the barmaids that no matter what her friend asked, he was to say no. And only no! She was worried her friend would be corrupted by Sam and his silver tongue. So Sam eventually agreed. The friend came in and sure enough, she asked Sam this question.

‘Would you mind coming home with me?’

 We have to stop blindly building walls with wonky words then we hold everyone accountable for poor construction when they naturally fall down upon us. Meow. And please trust me when I say: trees are a pure hoor for knockin’ walls and Lady Limestone has taken all my fingernails at some point, irregardless of what I wanted.

What we hear will be an echo of what we ask and we have to stop being so outraged over basic math.  If your figures don’t add up, may be you need to check your calculations then reword them up again. You’d be surprised.

I originally had ‘afraid’ instead of hesitant.  (Part 1, Par 4, line 4)

We have to start taking responsibility for the words we use. They’re all we have to communicate, sincerely and properly. This P.C culture and egregious hyperbole are the 2 current threats to freedom of speech.

P.C for the obvious reasons. Now hyperbole in a piece of work; a character’s narrative – that’s what makes it funny. But everyday interactions with co-workers and strangers; a serious debate; asking out someone you fancy; accusing Hugh Mungus of sexual harassment; a national conversation. No! You have to use proper words. It’s getting to the point where people don’t know what to think, let alone say.

We’re not the Borg. We are individuals. For now, we’re allowed  to hold opinions and ideas that are not your own and ask ‘Why the hell not?’ Or ‘What’s going on here?’ As for your personal experience on the subject in question, be it in-depth or non existence, it has no merit in the argument. (Part 1, 1st par, 2nd sentence) You cannot apply conditions to asking questions. I will disagree with others and not assimilate.

Holding the opinion that the term Rape Culture is akin to Cis Privilege in terms of its validity is not the same as saying ‘I condone rape.’ And I abhor the fact I have to tack on, so cheaply, that caveat. That’s how bad it’s got. We can no longer differentiate between this and that. We’ve forgotten how to separate personal from professional – Kim Davis!

 Words have to start meaning something again. But for the love of every made up Deity: they’re not magic spells; uttering them won’t make it happen, so until then, and only then will word-policing be relevant, needed and necessary. And I’m so confident that that day will never come *Blesses himself* it will also be the day I become vegan.

 Hopefully by then there’ll be an episode of Star Trek where they don’t break the Prime Directive.