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upcycleability · 4 years

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No, You Do Not Have To Reuse A Cloth Bag 171 Times to Equal a Plastic Bag

Some studies have shown that in order for a cloth bag to be as environmentally effective as a single-use plastic bag, the cloth bag would have to be used 171 times or more. But overall, thee studies are missing a lot of factors.

(image from Pixabay)

The two main studies I will be focusing on is a UK report from 2011, and a danish report from 2018. Both of these reports have a lot of good information in them, but they make a lot of assumptions that don’t seem to be based on fact, or else ignores potential alternatives.

More Than CO2 Emissions

When people spout this statistic, they make it seem like carbon emissions are the only thing that one has to deal with when it comes to the creation and disposal of a product. The second study showcased different scenarios such as ecotoxicity, but both studies leave one major thing out: plastic pollution.

Neither of these two studies, for some reason, mention plastic pollution and microplastics as a factor in determining the eco-friendliness of the alternative. This is strange to me, saying that we are currently living in a plastic crisis. Microplastics are found in fish, even those we buy at the grocery store. Plastic bags have even been found at the bottom of the ocean.

Paper Bags

The first study claimed that 40% of consumers reused plastic bags as a trash carrier before tossing them out. But they did not look at paper bags as something that people use as a trash carrier after use. Claiming that “Paper bags were assumed not to be reused as bin liners, as there was no evidence that they could successfully be reused for this purpose.“

While the US and UK might have different ways of going about things, I have seen hundreds of people in my life alone who use paper bags for this purpose. This includes various times in my dumpster diving adventures where I have seen paper bags and even cardboard boxes used as trash recepticles.

(Image from Pixabay)

The one thing I did not see, however, is recycled paper bags. While Denmark might not have recycled paper bags as commonplace, most locations that I have seen have paper bags made out of at lease some recycled materials. Walmart, Whole Foods, and even Cracker Barrel, Mcdonalds, and more are using paper bags made from post-consumer recycled paper here in the US.

So it would be interesting to know how low the eco footprint of a paper bag goes when accounting for post-consumer recycled materials, especially 100% post-consumer recycled content.

Conventional Cotton

Every single study that I have seen looked only at convential cotton tote bags bought new. They took into account the harvesting of the cotton, the production of cotton into a textile, and the shipping of the cotton tote bag from China to the US. They do not look at factors such as pollution from dying and bleaching the fabrics.

The 2018 Danish Report does look at Organic Cotton vs Conventional Cotton Vs a Jute Composit Bag. It shows that conventional cotton bags would have to be used 7100 times to mitigate the overall harm from the manufacturing of the bag. Neither of these studies take textile recycling or reuse of the cotton fabric into mind.

That study also shows that organic cotton is 3 times worse on all counts than conventional cotton, but only claims that this is because organic cotton has a 30% less yeild and isn’t as bundled together than cotton is. But the fact that organic cotton uses less pesticides and uses better land management processes overall is not factored in. I cannot grasp how this is estimated to be 3 times worse though, as that number seems to come out of nowhere.

(chart showing how many times someone needs to be reused to counteract their eco footprint, but it also ignores many factors, as explained in this post.)

It is almost as if they took the impact of cotton production and times that number by 3 and never bothered to explain why they did that. Especially because in the report itself, it says that:

“ As far as the carrier bag material is concerned, organic cotton provides environmentally pref-erable productionconditions by avoiding the use of fertilizers and pesticides, but with a lower yield. The lower production yield translates in overall higher environmental impacts connected to its production“

But that makes little sense unless you are ignoring vital factors, such as the dying process, which is far more sustainable and often isn’t dumped into rivers in poverty-stricken countries and villages.

What ignoring cotton vs organic cotton, else else can we find?

Alternatives to Conventional Cotton

The second study does look at jute bags made from 80% jute, 10% PP, and 10% cotton. The overall impacts of buying these bags new were only a tenth of conventional cotton production. This makes them a far better alternative, needing to be used only 23 times to begate the greenhouse gas emissions to produce it, and 870 times to eliminate their overall impact. But can we do better?

Reused bags

Go to just about any thrift shop and you can find tons of these reusable tote bags made from all kinds of materials. Pretty much all of them have been used at one time or another, and often as storage or for carrying groceries. As a result, their impact is already far lower.

Despite what these studies say, you do not have to buy a brand new tote bag. We have so many on the market already that buying a new virgin material bag would just be a waste.

Recycled fiber bags

Cotton can be recycled. Textile recycling plants are a thing, despite what these studies might have you believe. There are a ton of tote bags on the market right now that are made with 100% recycled cotton. As a result, these bags have a far lower environmental footprint, as factors such as the growing of the cotton, and even the dying process for the most part, is no longer part of the equation.

Upcycled Fabric

If you have a cotton t-shirt or button up shirt, etc, that you might have worn a few times and you might have worn once or twice more before donating, you can turn that into a tote bag. DIY tote bags have a far lower impact, and since you have used the clothes in the past and plan on using them for longer, it is a great way to reduce your impact to almost zero.

Upcycled reclaimed Fabric

(This is a tote bag that I sell on my etsy shop, Upcycleability)

This is what I do with my shop. I take clothing that people have thrown in the garbage, and use those textiles to create new projects, such as a tote bag. Since these are post-consumer textiles and salvaged from the landfill, their overall impact is basically zero. With the exception of something like shipping, or the electricity used by a sewing machine or a small iron.

Overall, there is a lot that we can do to lower the impact of the bags we use at grocery stores. Upcycled, recycled, and thrited tote bags are your best option. But whichever you choose, you can be happy with your choice that it will not be tossed out almost immediately and cause massive harm to sea turtles and ocean life.

Just make sure that you USE the bags and do not buy a ton of tote bags and never use them. That helps nobody, and actually harms the environment.

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If you want to support me, check out my upcycled crafts and reclaimed crafting supplies on Upcycleability at Etsy

Also, you can check out the secondhand clothing that I have saved from the trash on my Poshmark!

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floralguccistyles · 5 years

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four: empty child

I had mixed feelings about it being February first.

Of course I was excited, because I got paid on the first and fifteenth of each month so I was ready to have money again. My refrigerator was getting horrifyingly low and I had run out of tampons. I also liked the first of each month because it meant no matter how shitty January was (and it had been decently shitty), February was a new month.

It was also Harry Styles’ birthday.

Surprisingly, I had already known this before his stardom. Even though he and his group of my tormentors had hardly been on my radar after secondary school had ended, I remembered them always making a big to-do of each others’ birthdays. Oliver and Emma’s birthdays were late August, right around when the school year would start. Emma’s boyfriend had a birthday in March. Nathan’s birthday was November thirteenth.

And Harry Styles’ was February first.

Contrary to popular belief, my world did not revolve around Harry Styles. I simply woke up on the morning of the first, checked my bank account and did a little happy dance when I realized I would be able to afford groceries, and then scrolled on Twitter. I didn’t even correlate the day to his birthday until I saw the hashtag trending.

I hadn’t given Harry much thought since two weeks ago, when the bouquet of flowers had arrived on my doorstep. I didn’t want to know how he got my address (probably Bailey) and I didn’t want to think about the fact that he was the first guy to have ever gotten me flowers. I didn’t want Harry to be the first boy to have given me flowers. My first experience felt tainted now. I always dreamed that I would press the first flower someone gave to me in the thickest book I could find. With the bouquet from Harry, I didn’t bother. It made me sad that my plan had been spoiled. They had gone in the trash after a week, when they had started to wilt; even though I couldn’t bring myself to press a flower form Harry’s bouquet, it didn’t mean I was going to throw away perfectly good flowers until they were dying.

Upon realizing it was his birthday, I stopped doing my happy dance and frowned down at my Twitter feed before shutting out of the app. It was highly unlikely I’d be interacting with Harry any time soon (if ever) so I didn’t feel that I had to see his face plastered on all my social media accounts.

I dressed in some warmer clothes for my biweekly trek to the supermarket. Zach was out of town for the week with some uni friends, so Jeremiah was letting me borrow his car to run my errands. I appreciated the fact that I didn’t have to Uber to the market. There was a Spiceways about eight minutes from my flat, so I drove through the streets of Merton until I pulled up to the store, hopping out of Jeremiah’s car with a little bit of difficulty because it was so high up.

Unlike some, I didn’t mind grocery shopping. Maybe it was because when I was younger and wanted to get junk food all the time, my mum wouldn’t let me. With the freedom to choose whatever I damn well pleased, grocery shopping wasn’t the horror that most people made it out to be.

I was debating between Jaffa Cakes and Aero bars when my phone rang.

“Hello?” I asked without really looking at the caller ID.

“Hey Petra,” Bailey’s happy voice said from the other side of the line.

Bailey had been diligent about checking in on me since the Peter incident. I appreciated her worry. She’d been texting me a little and asking how my days had been and stuff about the podcast that she easily could have asked Veronica. I liked that she was keeping an eye on me.

“Hey,” I responded. “Quick question. Jaffa Cakes or Aero bars?”

“Aero all the way.”

“Got it.” I threw the box of Aero bars in my cart. “What’s up?”

“I wanted to invite you to a party tonight. Veronica and I are going and she suggested that we invite you. Jeremiah, too.” I heard rustling on the other side of the line and wondered what she was making.

Bailey made things for Etsy in her free time, when she wasn’t busy being a badass biochemist. I had actually gotten a knitted scarf from her a couple years ago and still had it. She was known for making little things like hair accessories or blankets, but sometimes she dabbled in clothes. Which was why she and Veronica’s flat was covered in fabrics. It was like walking into a craft store.

“A party? For what?” Decided to screw my health, I threw in the box of jaffa cakes in the cart as well. I wouldn’t eat them all in one sitting, I reasoned with myself. One a day couldn’t be too terrible for my health.

“Some birthday party Jeff invited me to. It’s in Hampstead, so they’ll have the good alcohol. Veronica’s never met Jeff so she wanted us to go.”

Jeff Azoff had helped Harry with his first record. Bailey was friends with Jeff Azoff. Harry’s birthday, coincidentally, happened to be today. “Is it Harry Styles’ birthday party?”

“I didn’t actually ask Jeff, but if it’s his birthday today, then probably.”

I sighed. “Probably not a good idea for Harry Styles and I to be in the same vicinity. Last time I nearly bit his head off. Rightfully so, but…” I trailed off, shaking my head at the memory. And with the memory also came visions of my pretty pink tulips and white baby’s breath. “Thanks for the invite, though.”

“I know you and Harry have got a rocky relationship, but I imagine this party’s going to be huge. Chances are you won’t even see him there. I just want you to be able to get out and have some fun. If you want to leave, I’ll be the first one to pay for an Uber for you.”

I debated it for a moment. It would be nice to get out of the house. I had been holed up between my flat and Outset, working on AC and simultaneously feeling like a fool about my awful date with Peter. I was usually very observant of someone’s character and it had thrown me off that I had gotten Peter so wrong. And Bailey was right. If the party was in Hampstead, Bailey was correct in assuming there would be good alcohol. No one in Hampstead would dare buy the cheap stuff. It would also be nice to hang out with Jeremiah and Veronica outside of AC.

“I don’t know, Bails. Can I get a couple hours to think about it?”

“Sure, no problem. It starts at seven. I’ll text you later and if you need a ride, Veronica and I can come grab you.”

I appreciated that she wasn’t pushing me to go, like my parents would have been. They would have demanded I show up and try to get to know the “new Harry.” We hung up the call after I promised to text her once I made a decision, and I stared at my shopping cart for a little while longer before I decided that he wasn’t going to consume my thoughts. I had once let him do that, when I was younger and more insecure. It wasn’t going to happen again.

I was usually done shopping in about thirty minutes because I didn’t dawdle around as I filled my basket with shitty food. Something this time, however, had me standing in the middle of the Mexican food isle, my brain still focused on Peter’s words. Though it had been racist of him to say it the way he did, I think it also bothered me because of how wrong he was. I didn’t know what foods from my culture were good because my parents had tried to conform to the English foods.

My grandmother on my father’s side had come to visit us only once when she had gotten a bonus from her job in Santa Clara. She had scoured the isles of every market in town, trying to find acceptable ingredients for the meal she promised my father. That night, I had arroz con pollo, empanadas, flan, and a cake with dulce de leche poured on top. It had been the best meal of my entire life.

No one in my family had made anything like that since.

I was holding a box of Spanish rice in my hand, trying to decide if I could make myself arroz con pollo like my grandmother did, when a little girl accidentally bumped into me. She looked to be about five years old, with a cute little gap tooth that I spotted when she smiled hesitantly at me.

“Lo siento,” she said softly, hugging onto her mother’s leg. Her mother shot me an apologetic glance.

“It’s okay,” I managed, smiling at the little girl. “I like your bow.” I pointed to the glittery silver bow in her hair. It took up half of her head.

She glanced at her mother, her eyebrows furrowing together in confusion. Her mother stammered over a couple of words as she responded to me. “We...speak...no English,” she said, her voice heavily accented.

I felt the shame flow through me. Shame that I hadn’t ever forced my parents to teach me Spanish. Shame that I couldn’t communicate with this little girl and her mother. Shame that I had gotten so lost in England that I hadn’t picked up Spanish myself.

“No se mucho español,” I said as a way of explaining, hoping the apologetic expression on my face was enough to convey to her that I was truly sorry I couldn’t compliment her little girl’s bow.

The mother just smiled at me and nodded politely before she and the little girl started off in the opposite direction of the isle. The little girl turned around and gave me a big wave, her little gap-toothed grin flashing before she faced in front of her once more. Their lives, just like that, unaffected by someone they ran into that couldn’t speak Spanish.

Meanwhile, I was frozen.

I felt like crying, as stupid as it sounded. But it wasn’t the first time someone had asked me something in Spanish and I hadn’t been able to respond. And even though I knew I shouldn’t, I always felt like a bad person. Like I should be more in-tune with my heritage. Like I wasn’t allowed to call myself Cuban because really, I hadn’t even ever been to Cuba.

I put the box of rice back on the shelf, and stupidly, it felt like I was putting half of my soul back.

Maybe it would be a good idea to go to Harry’s party. Bailey was probably right about a ton of people being there. He was internationally known. There would have to be at least two hundred people at one of his parties, probably more. If I stayed with Jeremiah and Veronica, he wouldn’t even notice me. And after the emotional turmoil of the supermarket, I was ready for a drink or two. Or three. And even if he did notice me, that didn’t mean I couldn’t ignore him. Just because it was his birthday didn’t mean I had to be nice to him.

He could tell you that you need to get your head out of your ass and be a real person instead of living in fantasy books.

But hopefully, I reasoned, I would be too drunk to care if he did do that.

Which is the only reason why I texted Bailey an hour later, when my groceries were in my fridge and I was in the comfort of my own home.

I’ll be there tonight. But can I bring Melody?

“Okay, but can I throat punch him?”

“You know, I’m gonna assume no.”

“Bummer.”

Melody and I were standing outside of the house in Hampstead. I didn’t know who it belonged to. When I had asked Bailey in the car she had shrugged her shoulders. At least that meant it wasn’t Jeff’s, since I would assume Bailey would know if it was his house.

Bailey, Jeremiah, and Veronica had already made their way inside. Melody and I, however, were still outside staring at the front of the house. It was obnoxiously grandiose. I couldn’t imagine having that much space and having to actually decorate it. We had stumbled out of the car and I found myself unable to go any further.

“We can leave whenever you want,” Melody reminded me. It was the fourth time she had mentioned this fact.

“I’m twenty-four. What does it say that I’m still terrified of someone I went to secondary school with?”

“That you’re a normal human being who doesn’t like to be made fun of and that he’s a dick?” Melody offered helpfully. I snorted.

“Reckon we should go in,” I said after a couple of moments. She nodded, patting my shoulder affectionately before we both trekked up the front porch. The door was open because the estate was surrounded by what I assumed were military-grade security cameras and a huge opaque fence. The only people who were getting inside the fence either had the gate code or were rock climbers.

As soon as we stepped inside, my body rattled with the bass of the song playing. I didn’t recognize it, but I probably didn’t listen to the same music Harry Styles did, so I wasn’t surprised. Melody had the extraordinary ability of finding alcohol wherever it was hidden, so it was only about ten seconds before she tugged me in the direction of the kitchen, where there was a wide array of drinks lining the kitchen counter. A kitchen counter, I might add, that was the size of a swimming pool. Melody grabbed a beer and handed it to me. I didn’t hesitate to take a swig.

I didn’t spot my other companions, which was good and bad news. Bad news because I wanted to spend time with them, good news because if finding them was hard, then certainly finding the birthday boy was going to be impossible. “I want to take a look around this house,” Melody mentioned to me after she had grabbed herself a drink.

Fine with getting away from the crowd, I let her pull me into the left hallway. There were only two doors, and one of them was open. It was a bathroom, but it wasn’t a normal bathroom. It was probably the size of my bedroom and front room combined. There was a giant clawfoot tub and shower across from a marble countertop with black sink basins. Melody’s jaw dropped open as we stepped inside.

“Fuck this is nice,” she commented, twirling around to take in the bathroom in its entirety. “Can you imagine owning a tub like that? I’d never leave.”

I agreed. I was a sucker for a good clawfoot tub. This one looked like it could easily fit four people. “I could live in that tub.”

“Wonder what this room is,” she said, casually walking out of the bathroom and opening up the other door. I was about to scold her for being rude, but most of the party guests were outside in the yard and barely took notice of us.

This looked like a guest room of some kind. The walls were painted a dark navy blue and the room was accented with dark walnut and white colored woods, making the contrast sharp. The bed was king sized, decorated with other little navy pillowcases and navy sheets. There was a black and white blanket at the end of the bed that looked like it would be scratchy. I figured it was just there for decoration. There weren’t many pictures on the walls, but there was one of a giant black and white elephant next to a telly that was plastered to the wall.

“Holy shit. I could just stay in here and no one would know.” Then, in an action that absolutely horrified me, she jumped onto the bed, wiggling around in the sheets. “Oh Christ, you’ve got to get a load of this bed, Petra.”

“No,” I hissed out, crossing my arms over my chest. “Melody, this isn’t our house.”

“I guarantee whoever lives here doesn’t give a right fuck.”

“You aren’t wrong, I suppose.”

The new voice had me jumping in my skin. Melody didn’t even both to sit up, just waving away whoever the voice was, but I turned to see whose bedroom we were snooping in. The face that greeted me wasn’t one I expected to see. Obviously, she didn’t expect to see me either, since her amused expression dropped from her face and she glanced at me with wide eyes.

“Petra? Petra Gallego?” Gemma Styles asked with a slowly-forming smile on her face. “Holy shit.” And then her arms were around me, pulling me into a friendly hug.

Unlike Harry, I had never had a problem with Gemma. Knowing that she was one of the kindest people I’d ever met, I knew it wasn’t likely she knew how her brother treated me. She always said hi to me when she saw me around Holmes Chapel and even offered to curl my hair for prom for year ten. I didn’t end up going until year eleven because of Harry and his friends, but I appreciated the offer. Since she was a little older than me, we never really kept in touch, but I kept up with her sometimes.

“Oh good,” Melody mentioned from the bed. “You know the person who sleeps in this room. Meaning I can sleep here.”

Gemma pulled away from me. “Isn’t it magnificent? I’m glad he splurged on that mattress. Means I don’t sleep like shit when I come visit.”

“Wait, what? Is this… is this Harry’s house?” I asked. Gemma had already floated over to her bed and flopped down next to Melody like the two of them were best friends.

“You didn’t know that? But you’re here.”

“I knew it was his party, I didn’t know it was his house.” And now I felt like an idiot. I was standing inside Harry Styles’ home. “Fuck, I’ve got to go.”

“Why?” Gemma asked, sitting up. “I’m not mad you’re in here.”

“No, I mean I have to leave the house.” I didn’t want to be in Harry’s house. I didn’t know why it made a difference whose house it was, but I knew it did. My skin was crawling. I had knowingly walked into the lion’s den. “Melody, we’ve got to leave.”

“Alright, but you’re going to have to peel me up.”

Gemma stood up easily enough and frowned at me. “Is Harry being a dick to you again? I’ll punch him in the nose, I swear.” At the expression on my face, her frown deepened. “He’s changed, Petra. I promise. If I thought for a second Harry was still acting like a shitty teenage boy, I’d drive you home myself. I’d just hate for you to feel like you have to leave.”

I appreciated her loyalty to her brother, I really did. But I didn’t want to be in here and I didn’t want to be around Gemma anymore, not when she would so blindly advocate for him. I was happy she’d punched him in the nose when she found out how he treated me when we were kids, but that didn’t mean she was going to support me telling her brother to go fuck himself. She loved him too much. I saw the way they were when we were younger, like they were two sides of the same coin.

“She’s right, you know.”

“Oh Jesus fuck, of course you’re here,” Melody mentioned, still lying on the bed in Harry Styles’ guest room. Unlike Gemma, this voice wasn’t a surprise.

Harry gave me a hesitant smile. “I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want, but you should stay and enjoy the party. I’ll make myself scarce.”

“You shouldn’t have to in your own house,” I said regrettably, clenching my teeth so I wouldn’t add a “fucker” to my sentiments. “If I had known it was your place, I wouldn’t have come.”

He looked defeated, but also like he knew he deserved my harsh words. I felt a spike of pleasure at his sad expression. I knew it was vindictive and mean, but I didn’t care.

“Yeah, cause you’re a raging twat.”

I snickered at Melody’s deadpan tone and the surprised look on Harry’s face when he realized the other person in the room wasn’t someone he knew. Melody pulled herself up from the bed and lazily stood, giving Harry a once over and looking entirely unimpressed.

“You must be Melody.”

“Damn straight I’m Melody,” she huffed, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “And you’re an arsehole.”

Gemma raised a brow but didn’t say much else.

“I know,” Harry replied, and I was surprised by his admittance. Then, without thinking about it, he stepped aside and gestured out into the hall. “You want a tour of the rest of the house? I’ve got a Super Caeser in my room.”

Melody’s mouth dropped open. “Holy shit. Those are the beds that fit four people right?” At Harry’s nod, she grinned. “Lead the way, twat.”

It was my mouth’s turn to drop open. “Melody,” I hissed underneath my breath. Where was the solidarity? Where was the earlier promise that she’d leave with me if I decided I wanted to go home?

“I know, I know,” she whispered to me as Harry left the room and started down the hallway. “But I’ve never seen a Super Caeser mattress before and I really want to.” She cast a glance at Gemma, who was still standing in the room. “You like her right? Stay with her. I’ll be right back.” And then she was out the door, leaving me glaring at her.

“I’ve caught Alien Crossing a couple of times,” Gemma said as a way to make conversation. I noticed that we were moving out of the guest room. Now that I knew Gemma was the one using it, I felt worse for snooping. “It’s fucking brilliant, Petra. Good for you making something so unique and fun.”

“Oh. Thanks.” I didn’t know what else to say. I wasn’t used to members of the Styles family praising me for what I did.

We were walking aimlessly in the same direction Harry and Melody had left in. I slowed my steps, but I felt rude if I didn’t follow Gemma and let our conversation randomly end. “The episode with Harry seemed to go well. When he called me and told me he was going to be on, I nearly had an aneurysm. I was sure you wouldn’t want him within five feet of you.”

“I didn’t. I asked him to be on because the guest we had lined up had a family emergency.”

Gemma suddenly stopped in her tracks. We were in the hallway to the right side of the front door now, where I could see three more doors that probably contained bathrooms and bedrooms bigger than my entire flat. “I never tried to get in touch to apologize, Petra.”

“Apologize?” I blinked in surprise. “Apologize for what?”

“For Harry being a prick,” she said softly, shrugging her shoulders and crossing her arms in front of her chest. “I know he’s not my responsibility, but… I just really wish he hadn’t been so nasty to you. It was really out of character for him. I’d like to say with confidence that he was just doing it to go along with his friends, but I don’t know. I’ve felt guilty about it ever since he told me.”

“Gemma, you’re right. He’s not your responsibility. He knew what he was doing and he chose to do it anyway. I’m not mad at you.”

“But you’re mad at him. And it sucks because he totally deserves it.”

He did. He deserved my anger, my wrath, my disdain. He deserved for me to tell him to stay the fuck out of my life and never contact me again. I should have told him that. But there was something about seeing Gemma’s defeated expression that had me keeping my comments to myself.

So instead, I shrugged. “It is what it is, Gemma.”

And that, unfortunately, was the truth. It was too late for her apologies, and she wasn’t the one that was supposed to be giving them. Melody suddenly appeared as Gemma and I stood in the hallway, looking nothing short of enchanted. She all but floated to my side, a wistful expression on her face.

“I want one,” she said after a few moments. I snorted. Harry emerged from the room looking like he wanted to laugh and frown at the same time. It was a weird dichotomy. “But the fog of a Super Caesar mattress has cleared from my head, so I will happily leave with you if you’d like to leave.”

Though I had no patience for Harry, I did have patience for Gemma. And one look at her guilty face, though she had nothing to be guilty for, had me hesitating. “I’ll...stay for a bit,” I said quietly. Melody looked surprised, but nodded her head. Harry looked like someone had just told him the best news ever. It looked entirely too happy and fake to be an expression on the face of Harry Styles, but I wasn’t focused much on him. I was focused on his sister, who gave me a hopeful smile before she glared at her brother.

“Great! Melody and I will go get you another beer. Harry can give you a tour of the house.”

I didn’t have time to open my mouth and argue before Gemma was grabbing Melody’s arm in a vice like grip and pulling her in the direction of the kitchen. That left Harry and I alone, standing in his hallway. I crossed my arms over my chest. He put his hands in his pockets.

It was all very, very awkward.

“I’m not gonna say happy birthday,” I suddenly burst out. I think I surprised him because he jumped a little.

“That’s okay,” he agreed softly. Another few moments of awkward silence. “Well, do you want the tour? It’s okay if you don’t.”

I didn’t really care much about Harry Styles’ house, but I had a feeling if I went to go find Gemma and Melody, Gemma would just find a way to bring me back to right where I was standing. “Whatever. Just start walking.”

He did as I said, turning on his heels and opening up the first door. It was another guest room, but it didn’t look like anyone stayed in it much. There was a desk and a computer in there as well, so I figured he used it for an office. “This is one of the guest rooms,” he said hesitantly, like he wasn‘t entirely sure I wouldn’t just turn around and leave him in the middle of speaking. “Gemma doesn’t like staying in here because she thinks the government is watching her from the webcam of the computer.”

I raised a brow. “Doesn’t she have an iPhone?”

He grinned. “Yep.”

I wanted to ask him to stop smiling because when he smiled I wanted to punch him, but I figured that would be weird, even for me. So instead, I hummed out a response before I turned and walked towards the door directly across from the office. It was another bathroom, this one without a claw-foot tub. I automatically liked it less because of that fact. But it was decorated nicely, in soft nudes and tans. Overall, it was very impersonal.

“Your place is a two story,” I mentioned offhandedly just as he was about to open the door to his room.

He furrowed his brows. “Yeah. Why?”

“Why’re you on the first floor then?”

He smiled. “I specifically renovated it a couple years ago so it’s a big open space up there. I’ve got a telly and some instruments. I record ideas for songs there.”

I didn’t know if he expected me to be impressed, but I just nodded my head, going along with what he was saying. He pushed open the door to his room walked in, gesturing to the giant mattress that even I could admit was impressive. There were guitars lining the walls. It would have looked tacky if I had tried to do the same thing in my flat, but it fit this room somehow. There was a giant flat screen against the wall closest to the door, on a stand that was filled to the brim with DVD cases. I didn’t think anyone even watched DVDs anymore.

Harry walked around the room, pointing out the master bath and the record player he had in the furthest corner, along with stacks and rows of vinyls. His voice trailed off when he turned and realized I hadn’t followed him into the room. “You okay?” he asked quietly.

I wasn’t. Because he looked so comfortable in his room, his safe space that he obviously put love and time into. “This room,” I said, pausing to try and find the right words, “you look comfortable in it.”

“Yeah. It’s my safe space.”

I nodded. “That’s what Alien Crossing is to me.”

“I know.”

“No.” I shook my head, closing my eyes to try and fight back the headache growing. “No, you don’t know. Because I’ve never told you. I never told you because when I was fifteen, you told me I had to get my head out of my ass and live in the real world, instead of my little fantasy world.” He at least had the decency to look ashamed. “But you know what, I don’t even care about that. You sent me flowers because Bailey told you what Peter did. But Harry… what your friends said to me was much, much worse. And you didn’t do shit to stop it.”

“I know. I’m so sorry, Petra.”

“I don’t want a fucking apology!” I screamed, suddenly infuriated. I didn’t want to hear him say that he was sorry. It was too late. “I don’t care if that makes me stubborn or selfish or stuck in the past. I hated myself, hated the things I loved, because you and your friends made me feel like shit. Made me feel like less than a person. And then I put myself on the line, asking you to be on my podcast, and it was just a huge mistake because I’m tired of feeling less than. You make me feel less than, Harry. I can’t accept your apology, Harry. Not right now. Not when I still have to see a fucking therapist because Nathan told me to go back to where I came from even though I was born in fucking Cheshire like the rest of you.”

It was silent. If I breathed in the wrong way, he would hear it. But I was just so tired. I sighed and slumped against his door, leaning my body on it as though it would support me for the rest of my life. He stood on the other side of the room, feeling both like he was an ocean away and much, much too close.

“I won’t try and apologize again, because I know that’s not what you want to hear. I know I was awful, Petra. I feel like shit about it. And I’m not saying that to make you feel bad for me or make it all about myself, but because I want you to know that the asshole from Holmes Chapel doesn’t exist anymore. I know it’s going to be hard to get him out of your head, but he’s gone.”

“It doesn’t change what he did,” I replied, pinching the bridge of my nose.

The two of us stood there for who knew how long. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours. He was letting me process and I appreciated that. Deep, deep in my mind, I knew my anger at him was overwhelming. He’d apologized three times now, each one sounding more and more sincere than the last. It didn’t mean I was ready to forgive him by any means, but I could at least acknowledge that he was trying.

“Did Gemma really punch you in the nose when she found out?” I asked after a few moments.

He nodded. “Had to cover it up with a shit ton of makeup because that was around the time we were touring with Big Time Rush.”

I let out a snort, shaking my head at the image of Harry sitting in a makeup chair while they smeared concealer over his nose. Then, I sighed. “Christ, Harry. I’m twenty-four and I don’t have the time or energy to be holding onto this feeling. But you’ve got to keep in mind that it’s going to take a while. I might never forgive you fully.”

“I completely understand.”

Pushing myself up from the door because I figured that was the end of the conversation, I steadied myself and went to walk out to the kitchen. I figured it had been an appropriate enough amount of time spent with Harry; confident that Gemma wouldn’t send me back, I started on my way.

I don’t know what made me turn around to catch the expression on his face, to check and see if it was just a facade that fell away when I turned my back, but I did.

He looked genuinely remorseful. I hated it. Because I knew that if I stuck around long enough, I would start to fall for it and I wasn’t ready to do that quite yet. Which was why I was going to grab another beer for the road and order myself an Uber. Everyone would understand. Melody might even go with me, if Gemma wasn’t still holding her captive.

“I liked the flowers.” My voice was almost silent, but of course he heard it.

“Yeah?”

I didn’t answer him, just left him standing in his room in search of Melody and more alcohol.

“It’s one hundred percent considered literature. I agree with you.”

I was nodding my head at my own words as I smiled at Daisy Callahan. She was sitting across from me, also decked out in her pajamas which made me love her even more. Currently, we were discussing whether or not fanfiction should be considered literature, though it wasn’t much of an argument since we both agreed it did.

“I mean, look at how many fanfictions have been turned into huge adaptions. There’s Fifty Shades, which was originally Twilight fanfiction—”

Jeremiah cut Daisy off from his place in the soundbooth. “Are we really going to consider Fifty Shades a piece of literature though?”

“Actually,” Daisy started, turning to Jeremiah and giving him a smirk, “I wrote my thesis on a work that was considered fanfiction. Jean Rhys wrote her novel Wide Sargasso Sea in response to Jane Eyre, but from the perspective of Bertha, Rochester’s crazy first wife. I wrote about the racial difference between Rhys and Brontë and how that inspired the book. Got a nice master’s degree out of it.” Daisy shrugged happily when Jeremiah conceded, raising his hands as if to say fine, you win.

It was nice to be getting back into the swing of things. Harry’s party a few days ago had shaken me up. I hadn’t been expecting to run into one of the Styles siblings, let alone both of them. In all honesty, leaving when I had was probably the best decision I’d ever made in my life. If I had stayed, I would have downed every last beer bottle I could find and then did something regrettable, like actually forgive Harry Styles for all the shit he had put me through. Though I told Harry I was tired of being angry at him, it didn’t mean all that hatred just went away.

“There’s also the huge After phenomenon,” Daisy supplied as another example. I wanted to groan. Think of the devil and the devil shall appear. “Petra, do you still keep in touch with Harry? Do you know how he feels about the whole fanfiction thing?”

I blinked. “I, er, I’m not sure. I don’t really ask him about it.” I didn’t really talk to him at all, so it wasn’t surprising. “He doesn’t really seem like the type to mind it, I guess.”

“That’s exactly my point! Most celebrities feel flattered that audiences love them so much that they want to sit down and create a whole world for them...”

Daisy was off on her tangent again, and I knew I could sit back and relax. She’d been on the show before, which was why she was so confident and comfortable sitting in her pajamas. I also knew she talked a lot. Which was perfectly fine with me because my mind was still on how stupid I had been at the party. I shouldn’t have even stepped through the doors, and I should have left the second I found out it was his place.

Harry hadn’t tried to contact me since the party. Since it was only the week before, I hadn’t expected him to. But I was happy he seemed to be taking my words seriously. It would take time for me to stand being around him. Someone who had gotten in contact with me, however, was Gemma. She’d found me on Instagram and followed me. We’d been chatting back and forth about random and trivial things, never really bringing up her brother or the damage he’d done to me. Instead, she asked how work was going and if Veronica and Bailey were going to get engaged soon.

Daisy and I finished up our conversation and Jeremiah cut the sound. We both stood, our joints popping and creaking from sitting down in one position for so long. “That was fun, Petra.”

“Always nice having you back, Daisy.”

Jeremiah and Veronica were chatting in the booth, yet to open up the door. Which was why Daisy leaned over to me and whispered, “Hey, can I ask you a question?” Without waiting for me to respond, she continued. “Is Jeremiah seeing anyone?”

I blinked at her, surprised by what she was asking me. In the years I’d known Jeremiah, he’d only had one serious girlfriend. They lasted six months, but Jeremiah was gutted when she broke up with him. He had been telling me that he thought she was the one he was going to marry. That had been nearly two years ago. “Not that I know of. Why, you thinking about going for it?”

Daisy was a pretty girl. She had short hair cut to her shoulders, in a dark brown that nearly looked black. Right now she was wearing pajamas, but I’d seen her enough to know she was about my size, despite the fact that she towered over me by at least six inches. She’d always been kind to me. Given my track record with people, this was a big factor. “I dunno. We always have nice chats when I’m here. And he always walks me to my car. He’s sweet.” We both looked back at the booth, where Jeremiah was sitting. He was clicking away at something on the computer, looking like he was arguing with Veronica. “And damn, Petra, he’s fit as hell.”

A laugh escaped my throat, unbidden, and Daisy giggled along with me. I’d never considered Jeremiah fit, but I supposed subjectively, he was. I had always just known him as my friend Jeremiah, so there was never any attraction between us. “I think if you want to, you should go for it.” It would be nice to see Jeremiah get out of his shell a bit.

“Yeah?” When I nodded, she let out a breath. “Oh good. I thought there might have been something going on between you two.”

Wrinkling my nose in distaste, I shook my head. “He’s like an annoying older brother.”

Daisy laughed. “Well, I think I’m gonna ask for his number then. Maybe when he walks me out.”

Veronica left with a smile and a promise to see me later. Jeremiah, true to Daisy’s word, offered to walk her out to her car before Zach got here to pick him up. Which left me alone in Outset, sitting in the sound booth and getting a pad and paper. I would start listening to see if it all sounded good and jot down anything if I heard it.

My phone lit up with an Instagram message notification. I assumed it was Gemma, continuing on our conversation about Veronica and Bailey, so I picked it up absentmindedly and slid my finger across the notification to open it. When I looked down, however, I realized it was from a completely different Styles sibling.

I wanted to follow you on Instagram, but I figured I’d better ask you first.

I was trying really hard not to be mad at him, because I hadn’t lied when I said I was exhausted of it. But it was shit like this, him thinking that things were okay between us just because of one drunken lapse in judgement on my part by letting me know I liked the flowers, that made me mad.

Do whatever you want, Harry. I don’t care.

But I did care. I didn’t want him seeing my personal life. There were pictures of me at Comic-Con, pictures of me holding up a new book with the biggest grin on my face, and a video of me dancing around in an alien costume for my twenty-third birthday. Giving him access to that, to see me at my most vulnerable, was a mistake. When I glanced back down to my phone, I saw that he had read my message.

I waited for the notification that he followed me, but it never came.

#1dff #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles ou #ac

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eldritchsurveys · 5 years

Text

436.

What is the most annoying thing about your life right now? and how can you change it? >> I can’t really think of anything except, like, being sensory-defensive, which I can’t change.

What was the flavor of the last smoothie you had? >> ---

Do you think you get enough protein? >> I probably do.

What is your favorite time of day to run? >> I don’t run.

How many 5ks have you ran? >> Exactly zero.

What is a current concern of yours right now? >> I don’t have any concerns.

What color shirt are you wearing? >> Black. I’m actually wearing a shirt for once, because it’s chilly tonight.

When was the last time you talked to your mom? >> ---

What's one unpopular opinion you have? >> I don’t have any sense of moral outrage about the existence of paedophiles and I strongly believe that the stigma should be lessened so that they can go to therapy without fearing the dire consequences of revealing their pathology.

What's a dream you've had since childhood that hasn't left you? >> ---

Do you parents crush your dreams? >> ---

What's a show you remember the very first episode of? >> Well, I mean, a lot of shows. I remember the very first episode of American Horror Story because I literally rewatched it yesterday.

Did you sleep in today? >> I don’t sleep in, I just sleep until I’m done sleeping.

Do you hate sleeping in? >> I hate sleeping too much, which usually happens when my sleep is interrupted and my internal clock is all thrown off.

How late do you consider too late to sleep in? >> I don’t like to still be sleeping past like 9a.

What is something of yours that is falling apart? >> I can’t think of anything.

Does your phone have a good camera on it? >> It’s serviceable.

How long have you had a smartphone? >> I’ve had this one for a year. I’ve been using smartphones in general for maybe 5.

How old were you when you got your first smartphone? >> Late 20s.

Do you have a crush on someone right now? >> No.

When was the last time you saw your crush? >> ---

If applicable, what is stopping you from pursuing your crush? >> ---

Did you ever regret letting someone go? >> No.

Who is someone you wish were still in your life? >> ---

When was your due date, and when were you born? >> I don’t know when my due date was. I was born on the 28th of May.

Do you want to have kids? >> Not particularly.

Do you keep lists of names that you like? >> No.

How long does it normally take for you to fill a journal? >> ... It’s weird how many of these questions were on the other survey I just took.

What are you behind on? >> Nothing.

Do you have a good doctor? >> I don’t have a doctor at all.

Do you like to sit on the floor? >> Sometimes, as long as I have back support.

What color is the toolbar at the top of your screen? >> Black.

What website do you usually check first when you get online? >> The first thing I check when I open my browser is the browser extension for my email accounts.

Have you ever butt-dialed someone? >> No.

Have you ever sent a text message to the wrong person by accident? >> No.

What is your favorite type of pizza? >> Veggie or pepperoni.

What is your favorite pizza place? >> Jet’s.

Do you enjoy eating at 50's diners? >> I mean, sure.

What are your favorite girls' names? >> ---

What are your favorite boys' names? >> ---

What do you want to be for Halloween this year? >> I haven’t thought about it.

What do you do to make money? >> I’m on a federal fixed income.

Name someone you know who has everything handed to them. >> I don’t know anyone like that.

Do you know anyone who is spoiled or stuck-up? >> No.

Do you believe life is fair? >> No, and I don’t need it to be.

Have you ever made a fan account on Instagram? >> No.

Have you ever bought a youtuber's merch? >> No.

Name three people you want to meet in Heaven. >> ---

Do you believe in Heaven and Hell? >> I do not.

If so, do you believe you are going to Heaven? >> ---

What was the best time of your life? >> ---

Do you feel loved or appreciated for who you are? >> I don’t think I’ll ever feel that way about anyone outworld, but I always feel that way about inworlders.

What could be the theme song of your life? >> ---

Don't you hate being all alone? (if applicable) >> Not at all.

Do you believe rich people are worth more than those who are poor? >> No.

When was the last time you read the Bible? >> It’s been a few years. I always forget I even own a copy of it.

Do you have any embarrassing health issues? >> No.

What are you longing for? >> Nothing.

Who do you wish you could talk to? >> ---

What was the name of the college you went to? >> I didn’t.

Were your college years the best years of your life? >> ---

Who was your first roommate? >> I don’t remember.

Who lived across the hall from you your first year of college? >> ---

What was your favorite food they served in the Dining Commons? >> ---

Do you consider the lunch ladies your friends? >> ---

Have you ever had a janitorial job? >> No. I’d have a meltdown a minute if I tried to work a job like that.

Have you ever worked in food service? >> Briefly.

What was your first job? >> In food service.

What year did you graduate high school? >> 2004.

What's something of yours that is missing right now? >> Nothing of mine is missing right now.

Do you lose or misplace things a lot? >> No.

Have you ever had a nasty rumor spread about you? >> Yeah.

Has anyone ever tried to ruin your reputation? >> I don’t think I’ve ever had a reputation.

What is your favorite flavor of frosting? >> ---

What is your favorite type of donut? >> Krispy Kreme glazed.

What is the name of your favorite bakery? >> ---

What is your current favorite Starbucks drink? >> ---

Have you ever been to the very first Starbucks in Seattle? >> No.

When was the last time you wrote someone a letter? >> ---

Do you write mostly in cursive or in print? >> Mostly print, because I usually only write longhand when I’m filling out a form or something like that.

Have you ever called a teacher "mom" by mistake? >> No.

Do you like the color of your eyes? >> Sure.

What color are your eyes? >> Dark brown.

What was the name of the street you grew up on (if you don't live there now)? >> Broadway. (Not that one, lol.)

What was the name of the first dorm you lived in? >> ---

What was the name of your first imaginary friend? >> The first inworlder that I can remember is a girl named Clodagh. I must have been about 6 or 7.

Does it still feel like summer where you live? >> Eh, some days. The temperature is kind of up and down.

What is today's date? >> 27 September.

Who's birthday is today? >> Beats me.

What do you usually get for your birthday? >> A daytrip to Chicago. Sometimes a whole weekend.

Who's birthday is coming up next? >> Sparrow’s.

What is the last thing that came in the mail for you from Amazon? >> A pair of shorts.

Do you have a Paypal account? >> Yeah.

Have you ever had a brand or company reach out to you on Instagram? >> No.

What is the last thing you purchased from Etsy? >> A perfume oil.

Do you sell on Etsy? >> No.

What is a childhood dream that hasn't stuck with you? >> ---

What is something you want to change about your life? >> I’m not looking to make any changes right now.

What is one thing you are looking forward to coming up? >> *shrug*

Have you decorated for fall yet? >> I don’t decorate for seasons.

Do you type fast? >> I do.

What color was your bedroom growing up? >> I don’t remember.

Who was your first favorite cartoon character? >> Johnny Bravo, maybe. I didn’t get to watch many cartoons, and in fact, that’s the only one I can remember watching.

Who is your favorite Disney princess? >> Moana.

Do you enjoy typing? >> Sure.

What bank do you use? >> Flagstar.

What grocery store do you shop at the most? >> Meijer.

What is your favorite fast food place? >> I don’t have one.

Do you get sauce on your pizza? >> Yeah.

Do you like hamburgers? >> Sure.

Do you like Coca Cola? >> No.

Do you like McDonald's french fries? >> Sometimes. Sometimes they’re not salty enough.

What color is your hair? >> Dark brown.

Did you get your hair color from your mom, your dad, or a grandparent? >> All of them, I guess.

What is your name (first and middle)? >> Mordred Shadow.

What are some other names your parents' considered when naming you? >> My parents did not name me.

What would you have been named if you had been born the opposite gender? >> ---

Do you prefer tea hot or cold? >> Hot.

What is the best fall drink? >> Apple cider or mulled wine.

Who was the last person you know who had a baby? And what was the baby's name? >> Sparrow’s sister, Liz. The baby’s name is Elliot.

If you had a boy and a girl, what would they be named? >> ---

Do you clean your room often? >> No, I don’t have to clean it that often.

Who taught you how to drive? >> No one. (I don’t drive.)

What color is your dresser? >> White.

Do you have a hope chest? >> No, but I had one as a child.

Do you have a favorite aunt, and if so, who is it? >> ---

Who is your favorite cousin? >> ---

Do you look like your mom? >> ---

What does your middle name rhyme with? >> I don’t know, what does “shadow” rhyme with?

What does your first name mean? >> I don’t feel like copy-pasting that again.

Have you bought next year's calendar yet? >> I don’t buy calendars, although that Bananya... however that shit is spelled... one that I saw recently was tempting, lol.

What year did/will you turn 30? >> I turned 30 in 2017.

Have you found your first gray/white hair yet? >> Yeah, a few years ago.

Is your hair long or short? and which way do you like it best? >> Short. It hasn’t been long since childhood, so.

What's a food that you like, but it makes you feel sick? >> ---

Do you have a problem with needles? >> No.

Have you ever had to use an epi pen? If so, do you get a bruise when you use it? >> No.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulence? >> Yeah, both in the front and the back.

If applicable, what color are your glasses? >> ---

Do you like the name Addison? >> It’s fine.

Is there anything that you regret getting rid of? >> No.

What have you been saving up to by for a while? >> Nothing.

Does anything bother you about your past? >> I mean, sure, if I bother thinking about it.

Do you get bullied on facebook a lot? >> ---

Why do you think people bully others? >> That’s not something I have any insight about.

Have you ever stood up to a bully? >> No.

Do you post on youtube regularly, if you have a channel? >> ---

Which famous person do you think you could be friends with? >> I don’t know enough about any famous person to say.

If you could sit down and talk to anyone for an hour, who would it be? >> ---

Do you own striped tights? >> No.

Have you ever made your own Halloween costume out of clothes from ur closet? >> I mean, clothes from my closet is basically what I wear every Halloween, because I’ve never worn a costume.

Do you own any antique furniture? >> No.

What year were you born? >> 1987.

What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? >> That’s hard to say, I like a lot of them.

Do you set goals for yourself? >> No.

Which country has the coolest flag? >> I don’t know.

Do you like your country's flag? >> No, it’s not that aesthetically pleasing to me.

Which country do you live in? >> USA.

What is your heritage? >> Hm.

When was the last time you received a hug? >> I don’t remember.

Do you believe hugs are necessary for survival? >> If they are, I guess I should be dead.

Do you have anyone who hugs you regularly? >> No, because I prefer not to be hugged frequently (if at all).

Who gives the best hugs? >> I don’t know.

Would you rather have the bottom bunk or top bunk? >> Top.

Window seat or aisle seat? >> Window, always.

Have you ever thrown up on an airplane? >> No.

Have you ever seen anyone else throw up on an airplane? >> No. I’m tempted to believe that’s just a thing that happens in movies, but of course my experience isn’t like... comprehensive or anything.

Have you ever gotten sick in the car? >> No.

What color pen do you write with the most? >> Black.

Do you still wear clothes from the children's section? >> I wear children’s underwear.

What were your favorite stores when you were in high school? >> Hot Topic was one.

Do you watch Bethany Mota on youtube? >> No.

What color is your watch? >> ---

What color was the last pair of flip-flops you wore? >> Black.

What is your favorite season? >> Spring or autumn.

Were you born in your favorite season? >> Spring, yeah.

Have you eaten oatmeal lately? >> No, but now that summer is almost over I will probably start eating it again. (I don’t like eating heavy breakfast foods in warm weather.)

If you have bangs, do you cut them yourself? >> ---

What color was the last cup you drank out of? >> Yellow and white.

Do you enjoy graphic designing? >> I don’t know anymore, I haven’t done it in years.

Do you enjoy editing photos? >> Meh.

What is your favorite app on your phone? >> If we’re going by how often they’re used, Gems of War or CloudLibrary.

Do you answer your phone every time it rings? >> I never answer my phone.

Have you ever called the wrong number? >> Not that I can recall.

Do you usually pick Truth or Dare? >> I don’t play Truth or Dare.

Was your first kiss magical? >> ---

Do you like kissing? >> Not unless it’s inworld.

Who do you want to be best friends with? >> ---

Do you like to decoupage things? >> No.

Do you have a printer? >> Not anymore.

How many tabs are open on your browser right now? >> Two.

Which Internet browser do you use? >> Chrome.

Did you have a Myspace page back in the day? >> I sure did.

Do you miss Myspace bulletins? >> No.

Did you ever learn HTML? >> I used to be pretty proficient at it back when I was on MySpace and Vampirefreaks constantly. I do miss that about the first era of social media -- it encouraged learning how webpages worked so you could get stupid creative with yours. (And, of course, people that used to make Geocities and Angelfire sites had a leg up on all of us late bloomers, lmao.)

Have you ever wanted to start a business? >> Not seriously.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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anthonybialy · 3 years

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Political Contempt

I just want everything to suck like it used to do. Wouldn't normal be nice? At the least, we should try to get conditions as close as possible during this aggravatingly pointless existence. If you're on the road to Hell, stop once it feels warm. Confused humans somehow concluded politics are the one ingredient separating us from utopia. America is awful and needs American government to fix it.

Constantly thinking about who the president sure has been healthy. Haven't you noticed how happy everyone seems? No, you shut your whore mouth. Waking up and wondering what monstrosity has been inflicted or praising an elected dope's inherent awesomeness are equally toxic. Both sick approaches play into liberal notions about government being the focal point, which should mortify one side.

Don't forget to limit federal overreach by treating every president like a ghastly oaf who craves seizing your rights. A disturbingly high percentage of Americans think holding politicians accountable stops progress.

Endless fuming about what a demonic force that person from the other party is hasn't stopped the equivalent. Constantly defending a wholly flawed politician is what partisans feel compelled to do because the other faction says everyone else is a cruel jerk. The Sean Hannity approach to the world has made it very logical.

It's easier to remember what team you're on once you've established politicians are on the other one. Getting back to healthily hating everyone in office is the biggest check and balance. Being suspicious of all those who ever won an election especially applies to putrid options whom we nonetheless grudgingly deemed to be marginally less atrocious by comparison. There's quite the difference between giving votes and support.

We shouldn't have to remind anyone that politicians are out to bribe us with what they robbed from us. Expecting someone with a bigger salary to owe everyone else is for class warfare losers. They fight battles nobody wins. Confiscated bucks could be used to pay us as either their own employees or of invested companies. Government needs double funding to maintain drivable roads, so forget people buying from your Etsy shop.

When will shrewd students finally get cheap tuition by law after previous laws made it so costly? The bravest leaders will postpone dealing with crises it initiated just like putting off repayment allows for freewheeling now.

Just try life without active supervision. There's a reason federal minders are terrified of the notion. We might actually enjoy not having awful idiots boss us around. Telling us how racist we are is merely a bonus.

Cynical observers don't have to cross to one side because the other is full of horrific twits. We sure could use more neutral ground where any faction out to run our days is banished all day. Not rallying behind either cult is an option in case anyone felt compelled to align. Chlamydia wants you to believe gonorrhea is the only other option. Stridently binary choices should be left to liberals. That sadly means both parties.

The predictable president adheres to an algorithm that's as dull as it is invasive. Animatronic Joe Biden can be moved straight into Disney's Hall of Presidents. That's one human who's easy to control, especially considering he holds such an allegedly powerful job. Using a confused grandfather to push for mandates that cost freedom as well as trillions is elder abuse. Andrew Cuomo isn't the guilty party this one time.

It's tough to even fathom how we'd return to not having life invaded. We should at least be as unbothered as stupid non-America countries. Such a fanciful dream definitely means not electing a Democrat who's certain to think you're performing incorrectly.

Distaste for hassling sadly means not backing most Republicans. Voters don't have to feel bad about hurting their feelings over rejection; in fact, the unprincipled arrogant dolts deserve scorn. Their greatest strength is not being Democrats. They then then act like them. The party of Quayle wonders why they don't have a semipermanent majority as they copy hideous foes. Spending taxpayer money to bliss may buy votes a few times. But reality and mathematics combine to remain unimpressed.

Free people deserve one option that means we can be harassed slightly less. A delightfully inattentive president who hates Iran and not rich Americans should be more than a wish. Biden is clueless in the wrong way. Hoping the president forgets to bother everyone shouldn't be a term's best-case scenario.

Cutting the budget in half would be a good start. A half-decent leader should be able to explain how prices decrease and wages increase precisely if government doesn't try to make it happen. Let us negotiate amongst ourselves to create magic spells we're told are impossible without federal warlock guidance. A country that rumor holds was designed precisely to function without micromanaging craves it.

Perpetual adolescence is a welcome curse for those who insist upon seeing Washington as a parent. But aspiring adults should want it to be an exhausted mom telling kids to work it out. Anyone into liberty doesn't want to be supervised indefinitely. Treating Americans like children has created a juvenile nation. Sesame Street never taught us to count to 30 trillion.

0 notes

karmies · 3 years

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Etsy Affiliate Program (Shockingly Bad)

So, you just heard about the Etsy affiliate program and you're wondering if it's even worth considering. The problem most affiliate marketers face when starting out (or even after years of experience) is finding good products or programs to promote. It's very helpful to promote well known brands like Etsy because of the level of trust people have in the brand. It's always easier to promote big brands than obscure products from unknown companies. But does Etsy have a good affiliate program? Is it even worth bothering? Well, if you're here to find the answer to any of these questions, you came to the right place! By the end of this article, you will know exactly if you should start promoting the Etsy affiliate program. Also, if you decide you want to promote it, you will find out how to effectively do it so you make as much money as possible. What Is Etsy? Etsy is a website where people can sell their craft online. This can be very helpful for people with no prior business experience, as it allows them to become an entrepreneur without all the technical mumbo jumbo. Since its launch, Etsy has significantly grown year after year. In 2015, it has a very successful IPO which made its investors a lot of money.(1) What Products Can You Promote? Needless to say affiliate marketing is growing at a rapid rate. Especially now, after the pandemic, more and more people are seeing the potential of making money online without actually creating their own product.(2) The Etsy affiliate program allows you to promote 2 types of products: - Vintage products - Handmade crafts You might be thinking that the best way to promote these products is by creating content around them. For example, reviews, comparisons, etc. However, that's just not true. If you think about it, the creators of these products can run out of stock at any time. Therefore, if you work hard to create valuable content on your website around these products, you will most likely be disappointed to see that the creator removed them from the marketplace. So, what is the alternative? Well, a very good idea would be to create content around specific categories of products, so you don't have to rely on 1 specific product. This way, your content stays valuable even after specific products get removed from the marketplace. There are a ton of categories on Etsy. Therefore, you really have a lot of options when it comes to promoting with free traffic. If that's what you want, you can create a website where you write content about one of the following categories: - Jewelry - Games - Clothing - Home decor And many others. If that's what you want, I suggest checking out Affiliate Bots, as it will make this process a whole lot easier. On the other hand, if you don't want to create content around a specific category and wait months before you see results, your only option is to run paid ads. Paid ads are great, as they allow you to scale your business much faster as opposed to free traffic. Also, once you get good at a certain type of paid traffic source, you will need to work less and less. If you have a budget, I highly suggest you start with paid ads as opposed to starting a website simply because everything goes much faster. The thing with paid traffic is that you need some kind of training. That's because if you just jump in without knowing what you are doing, you will quickly burn your budget without any results. By the way, this is the main reason why people fail at affiliate marketing. For that matter, I highly suggest taking a look at SAS, as it teaches you everything you need to know about affiliate marketing via paid advertising. Etsy Affiliate Program: Commission Structure Now that we got all the boring stuff out of the way, it's time to take a look at what you really care about. Etsy has a fix commission rate of 4%. It doesn't matter if you promote products from the jewelry, toys, clothing or any other categories, you will get 4% out of whatever your referral spends on Etsy.(3) There's no need to say that the Etsy affiliate program is better than the Amazon one. Not only in terms of commissions, but also in terms of the cookie duration. The Etsy cookie lasts 30 days, while the Amazon one lasts only 24 hours. Meaning that you are not pressured to close a sale right away and you can follow up with your leads after they click your link. Etsy Affiliate Program: Pros and Cons As usual, we will go over the advantages and disadvantages of promoting a specific affiliate program.(4) If you're still on the fence and don't know if you should start promoting the Etsy affiliate program, here are some things to keep in mind in order to decide: Pros - Etsy is a well known brand, so you will not need to convince your prospects to buy something from some unknown website - There are a ton of popular categories to choose from. This is a big plus, as some companies solely focus on selling products from 1 category - There is a 30 day cookie which is always nice. As opposed to other websites (like Amazon) where you have to make the sale right away in order to break even, Etsy allows you another month for following up with your customers - You get a ton of promotional tools that can help you make more sales - There are some products on the Etsy website that you can't buy anywhere else. Therefore, you can tell your visitors that they can only get these exclusive products by clicking your link - By promoting products from Etsy, you help small entrepreneurs like you and me. Cons - Obviously, 4% commission is quite low. However, considering the fact that you promote products from a well known website, this is understandable - You will need to pay $5 when you apply for the affiliate program. It's not much, but it can be annoying for some people Is It Worth It? If you build your own website and have other monetization methods like display ads or other affiliate programs, then you can supplement your income by recommending products from Etsy. On the other hand, it would be a much better idea to promote digital products because you get higher commissions. In some cases, you get more than 50% commission for 1 sale.(5) The best way to do that is obviously with a form of paid advertising because you can scale your business much faster. Also, you get a skill that will stay with you for your entire life. For that matter, I highly suggest investing in the Super Affiliate System. If you have the budget, it's definitely worth it. Related: Udemy Affiliate Program Wayfair Affiliate Program Read the full article

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biayahlife · 3 years

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Quilting Diaries: Star Gazing

If you follow our Instagram account, you may have seen a photo of a quilting project recently. I’ve finally finished it, and now I get to share the process with you! I’ve been super excited about quilting since I completed my first project last year. I’ve started an EPP project, and I’m still enjoying that. I want to keep building my quilting skills, and I honestly find the process (mostly) relaxing. My first quilting project was really simple – it consisted of sewing strips of fabric together, cutting those groups to size, and then putting them back together. Everything is on the straight of grain, no bias seams, no strange shapes. It’s a super foundational quilting skill. I wanted to make another quilt that would still be a fairly beginner level, but would help me build my quilting skills. After some Internet searching, I came across the Star Gazing quilt pattern by Soft Day Quilts. It’s a low-cost pattern available for instant download from the Soft Day Quilts Etsy store.

Star Gazing is a very straightforward pattern completely composed of half-square triangle (HST) blocks. The HST is another foundational quilting skill. It’s a bit more advanced because seams are sewn on the bias, and stitching accuracy is very important. If your stitches aren’t accurate, the points don’t line up. In this pattern, the HST blocks are large, so the quilt top itself comes together really quickly. The outlined fabric requirements are accurate, and don’t make for much waste. The pattern is really easy to follow, and I would absolutely recommend this pattern to anyone who wants a good beginner quilt pattern.

The “Magic Half Square Triangle” Method

The pattern creator suggests using the “magic half square triangle” method, and she outlines it in the pattern. I’d never made HSTs before, so I decided to try this method. A HST is basically a square comprised of two right triangles. It’s a pretty block on its own, and is used to build a lot of other designs. There are so many methods out there for building the block, but the reason so many people like this method is because you get 8 HSTs out of a single large block. The basics are that you cut two large squares of fabric, lay them right sides together, and draw diagonal lines from corner to corner. Using a quarter inch seam allowance, you stitch a seam to left and right of each line. After that, you make four cuts: one on each of diagonal lines, one running from the top center to the bottom center, and one running from the left center to the right center. You press the seams open, and you have 8 HSTs. If you want more detailed information, complete with diagrams, feel free to check out this article.

I’m not entirely sure that this was the best method for me to use the first time I made HSTs. I chose this pattern because the HSTs used to build the quilt measure 8” square. That makes the quilt come together quickly, but in order to get an 8” square using this method, the initial cuts made 17.75” squares. My cutting mat is only 24” x 18”. I had a difficult time measuring these squares. It was just as difficult to cut them apart, and frankly, bias seams stretch. I ended up having to trim every single block I made. That took a lot of time, and frankly was frustrating. I’m pretty sure that this had less to do with the method and more to do with the fact that my cutting mat is smaller and I had difficulty making accurate cuts in the beginning.

Construction Process

The hardest part of this quilt was building the HSTs. Since this was my first time making HSTs, it ended up being a time consuming process. Once all the HSTs were completed, the building of the quilt top was straightforward and was completed quickly. I really loved the end result. Of note: The original pattern calls for an accent colour. I chose not to do that.

Once the quilt top was completed, I spent some time deciding how I wanted to baste the quilt sandwich. The quilt top, batting, and backing when stacked together and ready for quilting is commonly called the “quilt sandwich,” and basting in quilting refers to any method one uses to hold the layers of the quilt sandwich together. There are a couple of basting methods common to quilting:

Pinning: The layers of the quilt sandwich are held together with pins, typically safety pins. There are some specialty quilting safety pins that have a bend in them to make it easier to push through the three layers.

Spray: There are washable, spray adhesives that can be used to hold all three layers together.

Stitching: A long, temporary stitch is run through the fabrics to hold all three layers together.

In my first quilt, I didn’t want to bother with basting anything. I wanted to get through the process, and the piece was small. It proved problematic later, so this time I wanted to baste the quilt well. I chose to stitch my layers into place because I didn’t feel like buying safety pins and I don’t like using spray adhesive unless I absolutely have to. It’s sticky and messy. Besides, I have a lot of leftover threads from old projects, and I’m pretty sure I’ve had the pink thread that I used for about 10 years now.

While I was looking at various videos about quilt construction and basting, I stumbled across the idea of quilting with a small cross stitch while watching a video about basting by the Fat Quarter Shop and Jen Kingwell. I am still fascinated by the idea of hand quilting, but I’m intimidated. The method Jen Kingwill shows in the video was interesting to me because it felt accessible. The Star Gazing quilt is a fairly small quilt, so I decided to try this method. We found a pretty golden yellow quilting thread and thought it would look like small pricks of starlight all over the quilt. I’m quite pleased with it over all. It did take longer than I thought it would, but was much less time consuming than more traditional forms of hand quilting. Once that was done, I was able to complete the binding – still my favourite part! I’m really pleased with this quilt over all. It’s just the right size for curling up with a good book or mobile game.

What I learned:

I liked the “magic half square triangle” method. It’s pretty efficient. Next time I want to use this method, I’ll make sure that I can easily cut out the large squares on my cutting mat. I also did end up purchasing square quilt rulers with a coupon at our local craft store. These were really nice because they have the 45-degree line marked on them. It made the trimming MUCH less terrible, and showed me what bits of my stitching needed some additional work. Since bias seams stretch, I did notice that not all my diagonals were perfectly straight. Again, I think that had a lot to do with the size of the initial squares. I’m pretty sure I would prefer to make more squares than less. Sure, it’s more seaming, but I think I could have been able to be more accurate. These small inaccuracies made it so that I had a difficult time aligning points, but hey, it’s meant to be used. I’m embracing the mistakes because life is too short to sweat the small things. I’ve learned a lot, and I’ll get to apply that to the next project.

Basting is incredibly important! While it’s a time sink – it took me several hours to work out a basting method that worked for me. It made the quilting process much easier. I had confidence that my layers wouldn’t move around, even when I put the quilt in a hoop for quilting. I think that maybe next time I will knot the ends of my basting threads, even though its not necessary. Some of the tails got in the way while I was quilting. I did end up having to snip a lot of threads, so I don’t have long lengths of thread that I can reuse.

Hand quilting is absolutely accessible to me! I’m very excited about this. If you’ve read my other posts, you’ll know that I am intimidated by hand quilting. It’s so beautiful and just felt like something I couldn’t do. While this wasn’t traditional hand quilting, the needle technique is the same, and I feel more confident in trying more hand quilting in the future.

My biggest take away from this project is that I’m not sweating the small stuff. This quilt is FAR from perfect. I’ve continued to research various construction and technique tips and tricks while this quilt has been in my project queue. There are legitimate mistakes in this quilt. I could have spent hours, days, or weeks trying to correct them, but that would be counterproductive. This isn’t a project meant for display. The intent was to create an afghan sized quilt that could be used regularly. I achieved that goal. I’m not looking for perfection, and I’m pleased with the quilt I produced.

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silvermoon424 · 7 years

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How and Where to Buy Doujinshi: A Guide

Doujinshi are Japanese fan comics; most of the time, they are derivative works of popular anime/manga/video game series. Creating doujinshi is a popular pastime in Japan; in fact, some famous manga authors/groups (such as Clamp, Gainax, and Kiyohiko Azuma) began their careers by creating doujinshi. A common misconception is that all doujinshi are pornographic, but in reality there are many non-explicit doujinshi.

Although doujinshi is readily accessible in Japan, it’s much harder to get a hold of for those of us who live outside of it. But hope isn’t lost; you just need to familiarize yourself with proxy websites and be willing to spend money on international shipping. I decided to create this guide to help people who want to collect doujinshi but don’t know how to get started. Before I begin, I just want to say that the websites I’m recommending are from my own personal experiences. I’m sure that I’m missing a lot of great websites, so if you know of any, feel free to add onto this post!

There are several websites one can buy doujinshi from, and an even bigger number of proxy websites to use to buy them. I started collecting doujinshi in mid-2013, but only bought them via eBay until around March of 2014, when I finally branched into Japanese websites. Aside from eBay, there are three websites I’ve bought nearly all of my doujinshi from.

Websites that Sell Doujinshi:

1. Surugaya: I actually didn’t find this website until September of last year, but I’ve used it SO MUCH since then. Imo, this is the absolute best place to buy doujinshi. It has the largest selection of doujinshi by far and everything is SUPER cheap. Not only that, the selection of doujinshi is updated frequently. If I could only recommend one website, I’d recommend Surugaya. 2. Yahoo Auctions: Yahoo Auctions is basically the Japanese eBay. This is where I bought the majority of my doujinshi before I discovered Surugaya. The doujinshi selection is much smaller, but you can still find a lot of things that aren’t on Surugaya so it’s always worth checking every now and then. 3. Toranoana: This is where new doujinshi is published. Unfortunately, it’s only good for new releases, because once something sells out you’re out of luck and have to hope that it will show up on Surugaya or Yahoo Auctions. I’ve only ordered from Toranoana a few times because 99.99% of the time the doujinshi I want has been sold out for a long time. However, I DO use the site itself very frequently because you can still look up sold-out doujinshi and view their sample pages (Surugaya doesn’t offer sample pages of doujinshi, and the majority of doujinshi sellers on Yahoo Auctions don’t bother with sample pages, either).

4. Melon Books: Another place to go for new releases.

5. Pixiv Booth: Owned by the art site Pixiv, Booth is a website that creators have their own shops in. Think Etsy, except in addition to crafts creators also sell doujinshi.

6. Mandarake: I’ve personally never used this website, but I know that it’s very popular so I figured I should include it. Also, from what I can tell, non-Japanese buyers can buy directly from Mandarake without having to go through a proxy service.

7. Doujinshi.org: So you can’t actually buy anything on here, I just wanted to include this website because it’s a fantastic resource for looking up doujinshi and finding sample pages.

How to Find Doujinshi:

It should go without saying that, since you’re using Japanese websites, you need to enter search terms in Japanese. “Doujinshi” is “同人誌”, and you can easily find the Japanese name of whatever series you’re looking for by Googling it. If the series has a Wikipedia article, its Japanese name (and oftentimes the Japanese names of the characters) is included.

Also, if you use Google Chrome as your main browser, I highly recommend installing the Google Translate extension. It makes navigating Japanese websites much easier. Safari also has a translation extension, as does Firefox.

Proxy Services

There are TONS of different proxy services out there, but I’ve only ever used four. 1. Japan Rabbit: I found this site recently while searching for an alternative to Proxy Rabbit. If you’re wondering why, it’s because Proxy Rabbit raised the minimum cost for each item you’re allowed to order to 500 yen, meaning you’re not allowed to buy anything cheaper than that. I actually prefer this site to Proxy Rabbit; the process is much more streamlined (no email involved, for one), and there’s no minimum purchase rule. They offer services for a wide variety of Japanese sites. You can also easily stay updated on the status of your order, and the customer service is great. I highly recommend using Japan Rabbit if Proxy Rabbit seems too complicated, or if you want to buy something under 500 yen.

EDIT: As of a year after originally writing this post, I’ve switched to exclusively using White Rabbit Express Japan Rabbit for my proxy needs. It’s just so streamlined and user-friendly, and the customer service is good, too. As of now, this is my favorite proxy site and the one I recommend the most.

EDIT 2: White Rabbit Express is now known as Japan Rabbit. 2. Buyee: This is the website I use for buying off of Yahoo Auctions. Honestly, it’s pretty pricey, but I stick with it because its customer service and website layout/functionality can’t be beat. For some reason, most proxy sites have a pretty shitty setup. You have to put in a deposit that dictates how much money you can bid (so, like, for example, let’s say I put in a $15 deposit. I can only bid up to $50 [either in a single bid on a single item or spread throughout multiple bids for multiple items] and if I want to bid more I have to deposit more money). You also have to manually pay for everything after you win an auction. However, Buyee doesn’t bother with any of that. You directly hook it up to your PayPal account or credit card and it takes care of everything automatically. Also, what I REALLY like about Buyee is that it lets you browse and bid on Yahoo Auctions using their site. It’s hard to express how convenient it is with words, so I’ll just have you compare these two searches for Sailor Moon doujinshi:

Yahoo Auctions search

Buyee search

With all that being said, I do need to stress again that Buyee is one of the priciest proxy services. I’ve pretty much stopped using it in favor of White Rabbit Express. One alternative to Buyee that I haven’t personally used (but is highly recommended by other people) is From Japan.

3. Proxy Rabbit: The website I use for buying off of Surugaya and Toranoana. You can also use it for Yahoo Auctions or basically any Japanese website. I only started using Proxy Rabbit back in September (I found it when looking for a proxy website I use for Surugaya) but it’s already proved itself many times over. It’s a bit more complex than Buyee; basically, what you do is go to whatever page is appropriate and fill out the necessary information. Some examples of these pages are:

The page for Surugaya

The page for Yahoo Auctions

The page for Japanese stores that don’t have a specific page on Proxy Rabbit’s site (this is the link I use when buying from Toranoana)

Oh, and by the way, don’t worry about the item limit- you can fill out as many different order sheets as you want and they’ll group it all into one order. You can also order from different websites (for example, Surugaya and Toranoana) and have Proxy Rabbit group it into a single order.

Anyway, you fill everything out and give them your email address. Keep an eye on your email, because they respond to your request within 24 hours (in the “additional information” box, I usually ask them to process the order as quickly as possible and they respond to me much sooner; I started doing this after someone bought the only copy of a doujinshi I REALLY wanted like 10 hours after I submitted my request). They’ll ask you to confirm your order, and after they do so they’ll send you a PayPal money request for whatever deposit amount you put down (20%, 50%, or 100% of the order total). After you pay it, they’ll place the order and send you another confirmation email. It usually takes 1-2 weeks for Surugaya to ship the order to them. Then they’ll send you another email asking you what shipping option you want. After replying they’ll send you another PayPal money request (your whole deposit is used to cover the fees and you’re billed whatever amount remains, btw) and then ship it after you pay for it. It sounds pretty complicated, I know, and I wish it was set up more like Buyee, but it’s actually really easy once you get the hang of it. More importantly, it’s cheaper than Buyee. The customer service is pretty good, too. I’ve never used them for a Yahoo Japan auction, though. Honestly, I’d probably stick with Buyee for time-sensitive auctions because Proxy Rabbit is slower.

4. Shopping Mall Japan: I only use this website to buy hentai doujinshi from Yahoo Auctions because Buyee and most other proxies don’t let you buy adult doujinshi (I’M NOT A PERVERT, I SWEAR, there’s just this one Sailor Moon doujinshi artist that I’m obsessed with and unfortunately most of their stuff is smutty). I’m only listing it in case you ever find yourself wanting to buy hentai from Yahoo Auctions.

5. Other Proxy Sites: This Reddit post describes many other proxy services you can use if the ones I’ve shared aren’t to your liking.

I should warn you that, with proxy service fees and domestic/international shipping fees, buying doujinshi can get pretty expensive. You usually have to buy 5+ doujinshi for the shipping fees to be worth it, imo. In other words, you might as well splurge on the doujinshi themselves because they weigh so little that they don’t add anything to the international shipping fees.

Conclusion

I hope that this guide has been helpful! Buying doujinshi- or anything, really- from a Japanese website is intimidating at first, but you’ll soon get the hang of it. Like I mentioned before, I’ve been collecting doujinshi for years and it’s such a fun hobby. D

#guide #doujinshi #anime #manga #tutorial #how to #my tutorials #Japan

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an-oath · 6 years

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S L E E P I N G // in.

It’s 2019. Yay? If I was still in school this would be the week where I would struggle with readjusting to the new year. The new numbers on the page. No more 8. 9 now. The little scribbles and the aftermath of Christmas would remind me that yet another year has flown by. We celebrate this great spin around by having parties, staying up till midnight and celebrating the day. Only to find ourselves, the next morning, confused, tired and frankly, a little hyped up about a million questions. The new year. 2019. I’m not entering this year on an apathetic note. Honestly, I’m not. Actually, I’m feeling a little concerned. The fact that 2017 2018 has come and gone so quickly makes me feel a little foggy. What did I do last year? If you know me, you know the major thing I struggle with is robotic rhythm. Always in the same flow. Always the same week. Same month. Same schedule. It actual hurts me to know what my day will look like in the next 3, 4, 5 weeks even. Now, there are little things that change and the little things is what makes me smile and maybe, just maybe, this is adulthood telling me to bear down and get over it. This is life. Work. Sleep. Rinse. Repeat. But walking into 2019 has me feeling a lot like there’s something I’m missing. My work schedule has been altered a great deal aboutttttt 6 months ago. Once upon a time, I would be scheduled to be at work bright eyed and bushy tailed at 9AM pronto. I would leave at 4:30PM and be home before 5PM. Such a simple, sweet life. Now...now. Now, I have some days that have been moved around and in order to be able to take Fridays off (WORTH IT!) I’m the first one in the offices...at 7:30AM. I used to (u s e d t o) take advantage of going to the gym in the mornings, get in a great God time, put my outfits together all cute. Now, I struggggggglllleeee. Most of the time I’m not rolling into bed until 11PM or 12AM (on a good day) so that alarm clock becomes my nemesis and more often than not 7:30AM turns into 7:36AM or 7:40AM. Am I going to sweat over a few measly minutes? Do I have a boss breathing down my neck with questions? No. No, I don’t. Nobody’s even here to see it. ...but, it bothers me so much. I wish I could be that girl that can wake up with 4 hours of sleep and look amazing, feel amazing, be amazing. I’m not that girl. I don’t have any intentions of ever being that girl. So, I wake up and watch my daunting schedule and my ever present lateness loom over me with the feeling that follows...will I ever be better than this? Will I ever be able to go to bed for 9:30PM? Or set some boundaries in my life and restart this year on an organized note? Will I ever save enough to do what I want to do this year? Will I be able to study, learn, read, absorb everything I’ll receive this year? Will this year be another year of just sleeping in and missing all the great things that wake up before the sun? Honestly, I stinking hope so. I don’t know what I want this year to look like. I’m opposed to resolutions because I hate failing. So, I just call it wishful thinking. 2 - 0 - 1 - 9. It has to be different, right? Something has to change? or am I doomed to a life of constant for another 365? I hope not. There’s always that feeling after you’ve pushed snooze about 5 times. The first time, you’ve prepared for it. You set your alarm to allow for one solid snooze...but the other 4 times. Those were unintentional. Sometimes, they were even unconscious, but they still happened. I still missed that quiet time, that shower, that cute outfit day. I frantically whip my perfect bedding away from me, apologizing for the betrayal, and yank a shirt from the drawer and pants from the floor. Grab my dry shampoo (unspoken hero) and fly out with -4 minutes to spare. This was 2018 for me. Not just physically though. I struggled feeling like I walked through a year of dry shampoo days and caffeine induced mornings. I’m so grateful that my God is not a vengeful deity but a loving Father. It’s the drive to work and the worship in my car that makes me feel even just a few more minutes closer to Him that keeps me sane but then morning turns to night and January to December and I still... sleep in. I know God’s doing a great work in my life because I’m seeing a lot of garbage that I want to be rid of. I also know that it’s going to take some doing. A lot less Netflix and some solid concrete slab boundaries to keep my heart, my Spirit and my body from sleeping in. I don’t know what to hope for this year. I don’t want to waste a year and hope for nothing. I also don’t want another year of disappointment. I just want a year of wishful thinking, hopeful waiting and patient learning.

The strive. The year of the strive. Strive to do better. Be better. Get more done. Love harder. Talk less. Listen louder. Forgive faster. I went to this fundraiser with a friend of mine a few months ago and they were holding a ballot auction. So, it’s simple. You buy the ballots and the proceeds go to the fundraiser. You then put your ballots in for the item that you want. At the end of the fundraiser, they pull a name and if you win they call you. Easy as pie. So, we went to this and I brought some money to give and when I received the ballots I was pretty excited for what I saw in front of me. There was a row of items all shiny and new and pretty and most of them would have appealed to me if it wasn’t for the 3 perfect little boxes in the front row. Necklaces. They were the prettiest, daintiest little things I’ve ever seen. A work of art on a chain. I knew instantly what I was looking at. They were little drops of resin on the end of a chain with seeds in them. The first box was a mustard seed. As a good Christian girl, I recognized that seed and the meaning behind it and smiled. The second box was a sunflower seed. Loved it. The third, the most important box was a dandelion seed. Wanted it. Needed it. And just like that all 40 ballots I had went into those three little boxes. I was shocked when a week, then two, then three went by without even a call. I even talked to my friend and she hadn’t heard that I had won anything so I forgot about those necklaces and those ballots and moved on. Then, yesterday, I wasn’t feeling good. I had a head cold and slept the majority of the day (ironically...). I was sitting in my couch thinking all of these thoughts when surprisingly my phone snapped me out of it. It was the lady that makes the necklaces. I had won. 2 of them. The sunflower...and the dandelion. I don’t know what your childhood looked like as a kid but mine was filled with a lot of great moments. I grew up beside a mini farm and had the greatest times. One of my favourite moments was when my neighbours planted a sunflower garden almost at the edge of our property. I could wake up every morning and see them in full bloom. I was always amazed at how tall they would be. I never knew flowers could grow like that. And Dandelions... They were always around. I never knew why people hated them so much. They were yellow and full and if you had a spare hour you could link them together to make a crown. Dandelions were my staple art piece as a child. If they weren’t yellow and blooming they were white and fluffy. I loved blowing the seeds away and wishing on them. Wishing. For greatness. For the best. Always the best. Now as an adult, I remember those little moments. Standing in awe of the sunflower over my head and smiling as the fluffy little Dandelion seeds kissed my cheek farewell. Those two little flowers. Those seeds. Those memories helped me yesterday to anchor on to what I want for this year. I wonder if God does that with me. Throws all His ballots in on me and hopes that He wins. Everyday, I want Him too but I know sometimes there’s something that pulls me away. My feelings. My attitudes. My heartbreaks. Things... I want to be more myself. I want to see those moments and remember them. I don’t want to have another 2018 where everything’s happening around me and I’m rushing to catch up. I want to be in the flow of it. The moment of it. Enjoy it. You know? Anyways. I get the necklaces on Friday and I can’t wait. (ps. if you want to check her store out go to Seeded Hope on instagram. She’s on etsy as well, I believe.)

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unixcommerce · 4 years

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Now is the Time to Consider Pivoting Your Business Strategy

Small business owners across the country and around the world are modifying their business plans and pivoting on the fly in a desperate attempt to scratch out some revenue.

I’m sure that we’re all very well versed on the dire omens this pandemic has delivered, but there’s a positive side as well: It’s forcing many of us to re-examine what we’re doing and experiment with new ideas.

Pivoting Business Strategy

“We’re not going to go back to the way we did business a year ago,” investment guru Mark Tepper, president, and CEO of Strategic Wealth Partners, told business show host Stuart Varney recently.

This sets us up for the question: Are you taking advantage of these extraordinary times to be ready for the new ways business will be conducted after the COVID-19 storm dies down?

I’m reminded of some decisions Jimmy John’s founder Jimmy John Liautaud made when he first opened his sandwich shops: “His shop wasn’t in the greatest location, so he included delivery of his sandwiches to encourage sales. Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches turned a profit by the end of the first year.”

I cite this example because if your email in-box resembles mine at all, you’ve been receiving regular emails from local restaurants that have added delivery to the services they provide. I might add that in many cases, they are using one of the new gig-economy services, like Uber Eats. I’ve talked to various foodservice professionals, and they usually only begrudgingly team up with one or more of these new services – having in-house control of delivery can improve profitability.

The point is that starting up a delivery operation isn’t as simple as slapping a magnetic sign on the side of an employee’s car and heading out on the road: online ordering, staffing, packaging, insuring, and other details need to be seen to. This is evidenced by the fact that I’m still getting emails announcing new delivery services many weeks into the coronavirus shutdown. For many restaurants, working with an established service will be the first step.

For this reason, we should embrace the challenges of this trying time to rethink business models and try new ideas. We know that demand will be fairly low so our investments will be correspondingly low…and our failures won’t be such a big deal. I’ve already discussed delivery, so here are some other avenues to consider.

Get granular

Seniors and folks who are on immunosuppressants or have other conditions have been advised to be especially cautious and to wear masks when venturing out on necessary errands. However, it is virtually impossible to buy masks through the regular channels.

Many Etsy vendors, however, have been able to immediately pivot to making dust masks in a wide variety of colors and patterns. In fact, most are offering same-day shipping. This is a beautiful example of how small businesses are able to meet a sudden surge in demand far more quickly than big business.

Examine your business. Are there niche markets that you are overlooking? Compare what you do to the bigger companies in your sector. Who will they not bother selling to? Today is the ideal time to reach out to markets that you may have previously seen as not large enough to bother with. What do you have to lose?

If you are a manufacturer, look into 3D printing ideas. There’s a good chance you have time on your hands; why not use it to explore a new technology. Have some on your team figure out the technical side, while your marketing people explore where they might sell new, custom products.

Expand your staff

“Wait a minute,” you say, “aren’t small businesses either laying people off or taking loans from Uncle Sam just to meet current payroll? How is it possible to expand?”

If you haven’t done it yet, look to freelancers to add talent to your operation. They are the experienced work-from-home pioneers.

However, the thing about relying on freelancers is that you need to build relationships to achieve comfort and success. Honestly, I know some freelancers who have been so overwhelmed with work during the current shutdown that they aren’t taking any new clients.

You may be able to connect with good freelancers through local referrals, but for the most part, the various specialized freelance sites, like Upwork, Fiverr, Freelancer, and Toptal, are the best way to get started. Check out Fiverr for smaller jobs, Toptal to connect with tech gurus for big-ticket projects, and Upwork and Freelancer for everything in between.

Develop multiple sources

There’s a guiding principle in manufacturing: Have multiple sources for any mission-critical component. On a national level, we seem to have forgotten this and allowed China to be our single source on a wide array of products, including some critical pharmaceuticals and health-care items.

Take this slow time to re-evaluate your supply chain. Do you single-source anything? I have no idea what our trade relationship will be with China post-COVID-19, but there is certainly the potential for things to get dicey. Further, the pandemic has slowed down or halted a lot of otherwise reliable sources. It’s prudent to investigate other suppliers and strike up new relationships.

You might also consider taking on the manufacture of critical components yourself, purchasing stakes in companies that you depend on, or expanding by acquiring a critical supplier.

Create goodwill

Let me make one more suggestion before we leave the topic, and I’m going back to the Jimmy John’s example I cited at the top: Give away samples.

Look, you probably aren’t making much money now anyway and there’s a good chance your staff is minimal. Free samples cost very little – they won’t hurt your already bad bottom line too much – and they set you up for a strong rebound coming out of the shutdown. They are a great way to make new friends and spread the word about your business.

Service providers should consider this as well. For example, a local cleaning company could provide some free home disinfecting visits.

Be creative and shine like a beacon of hope in this unprecedented age.

Small Business Operations

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This article, “Now is the Time to Consider Pivoting Your Business Strategy” was first published on Small Business Trends

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businessreviewguidenow · 4 years

Text

Now is the Time to Consider Pivoting Your Business Strategy

Small business owners across the country and around the world are modifying their business plans and pivoting on the fly in a desperate attempt to scratch out some revenue.

Pivoting Business Strategy

“We’re not going to go back to the way we did business a year ago,” investment guru Mark Tepper, president, and CEO of Strategic Wealth Partners, told business show host Stuart Varney recently.

This sets us up for the question: Are you taking advantage of these extraordinary times to be ready for the new ways business will be conducted after the COVID-19 storm dies down?

Get granular

Expand your staff

“Wait a minute,” you say, “aren’t small businesses either laying people off or taking loans from Uncle Sam just to meet current payroll? How is it possible to expand?”

If you haven’t done it yet, look to freelancers to add talent to your operation. They are the experienced work-from-home pioneers.

Develop multiple sources

You might also consider taking on the manufacture of critical components yourself, purchasing stakes in companies that you depend on, or expanding by acquiring a critical supplier.

Create goodwill

Let me make one more suggestion before we leave the topic, and I’m going back to the Jimmy John’s example I cited at the top: Give away samples.

Service providers should consider this as well. For example, a local cleaning company could provide some free home disinfecting visits.

Be creative and shine like a beacon of hope in this unprecedented age.

Small Business Operations

Image: Depositphotos.com

This article, “Now is the Time to Consider Pivoting Your Business Strategy” was first published on Small Business Trends

source https://smallbiztrends.com/2020/05/pivoting-business-strategy.html

from WordPress https://businessreviewguidenow.wordpress.com/2020/05/21/now-is-the-time-to-consider-pivoting-your-business-strategy/ via IFTTT

#shoplocal #businessreview

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fanfictionconnectionwordpress · 7 years

Text

Mystic Messenger Fanfiction | Vanderwood Backstory | Ch. 5 A Lovely Night

***This is my version of Vanderwood that I rp in an MM Discord Server.Don’t forget to subscribe to the email list for access to R-Rated Scenes and my monthly newsletter. Check out my etsy to get yourself a plastic emoji. You can also support my writing on patreon and get access to my VIP Discord Server or other goodies like early chapter releases and hidden scenes. Chapter Directory. ~Let’s Connect! FFC***

Vanderwood wasn’t in a particularly good mood. In fact, he was on the prowl for a fix, his entire body wound so tight that it was becoming unbearable. He’d been to see Caleb today, for the first time in a year, and then his father had shown up out of the blue. There just was no way he wanted to deal with that, his thoughts, the pain, the anger, relief was what he needed.

The bar was rather packed tonight. There was a performer on stage, and Vanderwood was watching her, the woman occasionally making eye contact. He wasn’t sure if it was just because of how attractive he seemed to be, but the performer seemed to be focusing a lot on him, and that was fine. She would be easy pickings for some sex. There was a storage area behind the stage, and somehow without even noticing it, that was where he and the performer had ended up.

Her hair was voluminous and blonde, wearing a satin red dress that hugged her every curve. Vanderwood was already hard and ready, although the woman was being somewhat irritating. “Don’t you want to try something new?” Anal wasn’t exactly his thing, Vanderwood just wanted to get his fix and get out, but Hell, if it was sex, then it wasn’t so bad. “Just let me have my fun.” His own voice was low as he pushed the woman against the wall.

The performer was having their own internal dilemma. Damn it, the guy was still doing frontal exploration. Pretending to be a woman was easy enough, but when you wanted to get fucked you had to be careful. After reaching for his hands as though to guide them over the parts of ‘her’ body that ‘she’ knew were close enough to real to be convincing, it was becoming clear that he wasn’t having being touched.

Why did she keep trying to move his hands? He wasn’t having it. Vanderwood pushed her against the wall harder. “I thought when you brought me here you wanted me to have fun?” His hand slipped over her breasts, trailing down her sides and then around to grab her heat, test if she was ready for him, but his hand stilled. Something was not quite right under the folds of her dress. The feeling wasn’t totally unfamiliar in his hand as it reminded him of touching himself and that’s what made him realize.

Vanderwood jumped back and away so fast it was almost enough to make him fall on his ass. “Oh, Hell no.” Nope. His entire body had been tight and tense already but now he was really freaking out. This ‘woman’ had been a man the whole time, and been trying to get him to have sex with ‘her’ under false pretenses. The woman started to protest, but Vanderwood was already out of there. He needed a fix and he needed it fast, but Hell no was he fucking a man let alone a lying one.

God, damn it, he wanted to put his fist through something. His eyes scanned the bar area, quickly finding several women that looked attractive enough. It would be easy enough to get any of them home with him as long as he could manage not to look as insane as he felt. Vanderwood plastered on a charming smile, approaching the first woman he saw, a red head with arguably small breast for his usual but a very nice ass. Hopefully this one was actually a woman. The thought had him wanting to gag.

“Mind if I buy you a drink?” The look in her eyes told him she certainly didn’t, and just a drink later she was agreeing to come to his place. Which was good because he thought any second now his muscles would get so taut that they would just snap.

***

Finally. Vanderwood was laying on his back now, his hand covering his eyes as he caught his breath. He’d already tossed the condom in his garbage near the bed, so now he could just soak up the feeling of being fully relaxed again. Usually he didn’t take women to his place, preferring to go to theirs so he could leave as he pleased, but this one had insisted because of her roommates, and he had really been in too much need to refuse her request. The euphoria and relief started to wear off way too quickly, though.

She rolled over and wrapped her arm around his waist, nuzzling into his chest which made him tense up before removing his arm from his eyes and peeling her arm away from him. “What do you think you’re doing?” Vanderwood sat up in bed and reached for his clothes on the floor, pulling on his boxers from his position in the bed.

The woman made a face at him. “What do you mean what am I doing? Don’t tell me you’re one of those guys who doesn’t like to snuggle after sex.” At the end she had smiled, a tease curling into her voice. “I’m more like one of those guys who fucks and then leaves.” Vanderwood really wasn’t interested now that the sex was over, but he was even less interested now that she seemed to be pushing herself on him. What the Hell was up with his choices today? Usually it wasn’t a problem. He came and he went with no issue.

“You’re really…You think I’m just a one-night stand whore?” The redhead was now getting very angry, crossing her arms and sitting up in his bed, pressing her back against his headboard like she was moving in. “That’s what I was going for, yeah.” He got out of bed now to pull on his pants, his back turned towards her. Maybe if he ignored her long enough she would just leave? “Well, I’m not going anywhere.”

Well, that was a wasted thought then. Vanderwood’s head was starting to hurt, his muscles getting taught again. Which was just absolutely fantastic. Even his fix wasn’t helping him today. What was he supposed to do with this chick? And then he realized. Vanderwood picked up her clothes first, holding them out to her. “You have a couple options here. Get dressed in here and leave, or I throw your clothes and you out.”

She looked away from him, making it absolutely clear that she one, didn’t believe him, and two, was really not going to leave of her own accord. Vanderwood tossed her clothes out first and that’s when it seemed to sink in that his steady and even tone really wasn’t just an elegant performance, he was completely serious. As he picked her up and flipped her over his shoulder, she started flailing and screaming, but he set her outside, kind enough to have brought the blanket along with her, before setting her out onto the steps and closing and locking the door quickly.

He listened to her screaming and banging on his door for a while, trying to rub his headache away to no avail, and then finally, after what seemed like hours, he realized it was quiet and that she had left. Vanderwood opened his door to find his blanket on the ground, which he placed back inside before getting dressed and heading out. Maybe if he just, took a walk, he could get rid of his irritation without trying to find another fix. His day clearly wasn’t going so well.

As he walked along he couldn’t help thinking that maybe it was his own fault for not being smarter about who he chose. After all, he usually just went with the first one to show interest, and half the time he didn’t even remember how he ended up at their place. It was always as though he was in a haze, the only thing he could ever really remember being the condom, which was a good thing. He pushed his bangs back with a sigh as he walked along a street. This is usually the street he ran on in the mornings, just for some exercise.

Lately, he’d been working on buffing up. His natural musculature was only so good in fights now that he was moving up the ranks towards the big guys, the people who had been fighting nearly professionally, which is pretty much what he did now. Life was pretty simple for him, exercise, eat, fight, fuck, sleep, and repeat. Maybe he’d just been unlucky tonight?

“Vanderwood!” A sing-songy voice caught him off guard as he looked up to see a woman running towards him from the other side of the street. How the fuck did she know his name? She didn’t look at all familiar. Then again, with as many women’s faces as he saw on an almost daily basis, that wasn’t so surprising.

He stopped in his tracks and looked down at her. She was his type, random girl with a nice body, so maybe he’d slept with her? “I haven’t seen you since last week…I gave you my number, thought you’d call.” The girl was wagging her finger at him now as though she was scolding a child. He didn’t like it one bit, and it was clear to him now that, yes, he had indeed slept with this girl, although he couldn’t for the life of him remember the event itself.

“I don’t call. I’m not interested.” Vanderwood was beyond done with today. Really, he wasn’t just having a bad day, he’d set himself up for this. It really was time to get smarter. He didn’t even bother to listening as the woman started to babble about how she thought they had something special after that night. Although, he did catch her say he was the best lover she’d ever had, and he wasn’t really surprised other than the fact that he didn’t give a shit about how the other party felt most of the time other than common courtesy of proper angle so they could have some fun too.

That was probably the longest walk he’d taken in a while, and it was hours before he headed home, thoughts reeling. He was going to need to be smarter about his choices, and probably spend twelve years washing his hand to forget that damn performer. Maybe he could just stick to whores, but he’d probably need to start picking the even more expensive ones, which meant more expensive bars, but he had the money, so that was just the way to go, he figured. As he locked up his house, he leaned against the door and sighed. “What a lovely night.”

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