#no one talk to me i cant stop crying | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rickybutlersays · 1 year

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currently thinking about how Spock was always the equivalent of a black cat in every sense.

and when Leonard was dying, he stopped reaching out to William which worried him a lot.

"cats often withdraw and prefer solitude when they are gravely ill. hiding is a way to protect themselves."

#no one talk to me i cant stop crying #this isnt meant to sound insensitive its just something im thinking about #i hope this comes across like i meant it to #star trek #leonard nimoy #mister spock #spock #spock tos #william shatner #deforest kelley #star trek tos

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months

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I feel like I'm losing my mind. Like this has to be a thing right? It's a thing I experience at least. Please please please tell me abt ur experience if u do 🙏

#all the literature i find is like yeah pmdd can be mistaken for bipolar but then they dont talk abt mania or hypomania #so im like ??? wtf is happening?#i mean i wasnt looking that hard but its still weird to me bc i tell my mum i possibly had a hypomanic episode and she instantly was like #hm could b hormones and she was 1000% percent right bc it happens mostly in the days before bleeding starts #so like i cant b the only one out there. and it doesnt happen all the time. and usually its not that extreme #like id say its mostly just elevated mood and it mostly just lasts like 3 days or so. so i dont think it counts as hypomania. but thats wha #ill select bc i had one time that felt so fucking crazy it felt like there was something seriously wrong with me. it was fun tho #before i crashed so hard i had to leave work in the middle of the day bc i couldnt stop crying lol #anyway. im curious #menstruation #pmdd #pms #its always depression this depression that. why the fuck do i wanna run around in circles screaming until i die? riddle me that batman

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wulfhalls · 27 days

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#over three weeks now since hes gone #sometimes ill hear a noise and think. ah well there he is. ofc hed be back he wouldnt just leave me like that #like a specific way the wood would creek when hed jump up to his favourite sleeping place. the way his paws sounded against the glass door #the floor when he made his lil tap tap tap walk across the hall.#still haven't put away his boxies or his lil things or his bowls.#i still talk to him like hes lying just out of eyesight in his favourite boxie #we always did my puzzles together (i did the puzzle and he ruined it) and we just started one a few days before he. well.#i miss him all the time everywhere #cant stop crying. but like the curling up on the floor weeping type.#its like missing a limb or part of ur soul lol #collecting his fur like its treasure but then the realisation comes that thats it. thats all ill ever have of him now.#for the rest of my life. just this #and then we're back on the floor weeping lol #but i bought a locket to put some of it in so hes always with me still.#anyway. SUICIDE #bb boy #txt.me #u know the spiel. lets not talk about it i just needed to type it out #bb baby

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norrisgrl · 7 months

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honestly i don't even care if i sound delusional anymore...

i really need to be cuddled up with him, his arms around me as he comforts me, i feel he would be so good at it:( and he'd be such a softie, just playing with your hair and pressing soft kisses on the top of your head, his free hand probably tracing patterns on your back and aaah:( it would be the cutest thing on earth.

#lando norris #ln4 #formula 1 #f1 #🌸 angie talks #he makes me so soft #also ive been having a really bad day so i cant stop thinking about him being super soft #he'd definitely put one of his hoodies so you feel more comfy #<- also bc you love his scent and makes you feel safe #istg im gonna cry if i keep thinking abt this😭#he'd totally buy your favourite sweets too!!#and he'd give you all the affection on earth bc u deserve it #oh i need to stop #he's so cute though #i cant never get enough of his smile & eyes #also his curls:( so pretty #my pretty boy #i adore him #<- ill never get tired of saying that

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silenthillbunni · 5 days

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🐰🌧️

#so on my way home..#i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future #i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were #bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected #a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati #that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful #and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old #live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :)#you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :)#you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!!#you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u!#whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️#god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE #i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things #now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao #there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives #by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it.#or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me #only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die #bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything #for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!!#not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right #i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax #but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭#my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became #bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 26 days

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MAC OHHH MY FUCKING GOD. ONE OF THE EPISODES OF A SHOW EVER HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL AFTER THIS???? HOW???? how long is he going to be FUCKING DEAD FOR!!!! the ashe & mark argument that i felt deep within my soul & miserable on behalf of both parties about them!!! dakotaisms!!! the fucking like. genre conflict of their sillygoofy teen titans shenanigans with a real world where there r men with guns who will simply kill you!! THEYRE WEEKENDING AT BERNIES WILLIAM WISPS PURPLE MORPH SUIT COVERED CORPSE. kicking down your door with a loud bang & then just standing there wild eyed kind of shaking and trembling like a chihuahua

DUUUUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE HEAH. FUCK. s1e19 definitely one of my favorites of all time. i listened to that one during the back half of my shift this afternoon and got to the ashe/mark argument just as i was starting pm checks.... standing in the cramped laundry room in the basement washing my filter socks like

i think about them so much dude. AND THEYRE BOTH RIGHT. WHICH MAKES IT HURT MORE. LIKE. BOTH THEIR SIDES ARE SO REAL. i cannot wait for u to learn more about them pleaseeeee i need 2 talk winters family analysis with you when you get to . certain parts. season 2 is gonna fucking wreck u i know it.

BUT. THEY BALANCE IT OUT WITH THE SILLIES SO VERY FUCKING WELL. GOD. good fucking show dude. good fucking show !!!!!! williams ghost throwing ice cubes at mark while his fucking. rotting corpse sits in the bathtub!!! what thefuck man

#ITS REALLY FUNNY LIKE. JUST HOW FUCKING EMO THIS SHOW MAKES ME. AND LIKE. SEASON 1 IS TAME. IF U CAN BELIEVE IT.#i know i keep hyping up season 2 but genuinely i have not full on sobbed at a show like i did at pd season 2 in so long.#like. could not listen to the show at work bc i fully could not stop myself from crying #and didnt want to do that outside the safety of my apartment type episodes.#ughhhhhh #HEY. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. ONE OF MY FAVORITE MARK WINTERS MOMENTS HAPPENS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE NEXT EPISODE. ITS SO FUCKING SILLY.#also i have an animatic of it so i cant wait 2 send u that when u get there hehehehehe #im strategically not answering any of your questions about wiwi because if i start talking about him rn ill go crazy .#literally always thinking about wiwi wisp at all times every day #u come stand in the doorway of my room shaking like a chihuahua #and i am sitting here on the couch like. a fuckign . grizzled old pyrenees who has spent his life battling coyotes #asks #friends!!!#intertexts #UGHGHGHH GOING CRAZY ABOUT PRIME DEFENDERS FOREVER.#OH I CAN SEND YOU TRIVIA NOW. YIPPEE

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parasitic-saint · 4 months

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wasting a whole week by sleeping is making me want to cry

#the parasite talks #i'm still able to do my work in a hurry but my godddddddd #this is getting so sad #i know my friends love me but i feel like such a burden and such a bore when im always like this #please i just need my 30°C spring and horrible solar rays #i still cant wake up before 12pm on those days but i am awake more at night at least #rn i will have to force staying awake #maybe energy drinks might help idk anymore #coffee doesnt really help but maybe the caffeine in those might jumpstart me #i just need to get my horrible life in order again and stop thinking how easier it will be to just kill myself #i know spring might not fix me but at least it will be a big help not having these cold temperatures (which arent really cold anyways)#but i hate anything below 25°C #i feel like that scen where will graham is crying and shaking before hving the seizure that's me but i dont have a seizure and i dont...#...look pretty im just depressed #and i am the only one who has to take my sorry ass out of this #and i know the big amount of priviledge i have to just be depressed and sleeping for a whole week in my bed without a worry and just feelin #miserable for myself and i wont be a danger to myself do it's just a spoiled brat's shit

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vilelittlecritter · 1 year

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Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse #like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont #ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean #i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun #lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly #oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well #the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that #oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour #as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little #so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends!#ha ha. this is agony.#i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone #which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one #also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse #i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy #its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking #yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much #im also just really snappy sometimes #I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine #they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them #i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents #they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them #sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone #i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it #sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay #I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor #again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon #if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed #personal rambles #vent tag

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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year

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I hate how even in asexual communities, it's still so hard to find other sex repulsed aces. Like idk it feels like no matter where I am, I'm the one who has a problem and I hate it. I never asked to be like this but at the same time I don't want people to keep treating me like I'm just damaged and need to be fixed. Or like it's fine as long as I don't impose it on other people...

idk how to explain to people that I'm not just internally tolerating things, I'm actually in a lot of pain over it. I'm not just disgusted, I'm panicking and upset over the fact that I feel disgust sometimes toward people I like very much actually. Idk I just feel like it's never talked about and it's extremely upsetting.

And the worst part is, if I tell people, everyone has their own assumptions about what "made me this way" and tbh that is just not something I'm comfortable with. My only choices are to either be uncomfortable because I'm panicking and being excluded from a lot of things (usually conversations but sometimes other things too) or to be uncomfortable because I set a boundary and asked people to stop and now everyone is either mad at me or making assumptions about me that I quite honestly don't think I'm okay directly addressing.

I don't know. I just wish there was some non-judgmental recognition that this makes so many things really really hard for me I guess.

#usually the assumptions are that i was sa'd and need to be 'fixed' in therapy #which is just. i dont even know how to explain how fucked up that is if you dont already see it #i dont want to talk about that with pretty much anyone. the only person ill talk to that about is my gf #and only when were alone and i know no ones going to judge me or see me breaking #i start shaking and crying and i cant stop and everytime i hear people making this assumption it puts me back in that headspace #where im so vulnerable and terrified and panicking #and i just hate it. i hate that other people can openly talk about their sexualities but mine is too personal #i do in a way want to be fixed but not with the outcome that other people would want #i just want to be okay. that is literally all i want. i still fully believe ill always be asexual #but when i tell people im sex repulsed its like they assume im secretly not asexual #i kinda think if they think that they probably also hate other asexuals but its just disguised better but idk #im just so tired of being uncomfortable all of the time. i hate it and i dont even know if its me that i hate or everyone else #id just like it to be neither someday #oh yeah also resources as in research and published studies and actually knowledgeable doctors are realllly hard to find #the majority is still overwhelming biased and believe that its a mental disorder and the result of sa too #and i just wish they would actually conduct studies without polluting them with their own biases all the time

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pearlpool · 24 days

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hm.

#been feeling very irritable and negative lately to the point where ive been catching myself getting really frustrated with my dear friends #like i just saw something a friend said and i literally went 'oh my god who gives a fuck' out loud under my breath #and i feel incredibly guilty about it #choosing to blame academia but it literally makes me wanna cry. like i feel like a terrible person and friend #and before you ask. yes i ate yes i had a full nights sleep yes i left my room today yes im drinking water #and its still happening #idk i just cant stop complaining and feeling so DONE with everyone #i just. really thought i was getting better :/#oh well. i guess #ugh i just. UGH last night i talked so much shit about truly one of my closest friends. and its like okay they kinda deserved it #because what they did was shitty #but im literally perpetuating my own worst fear. which is being secretly disliked by those closest to me #:((( AGH.#diary

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solcarow · 3 months

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#ITS TAKING US HALF A FUCKING HOUR TO WATCH 1015 OH MY GOD .#ARE YOU KIDDING ME #RESUS FUCKDIGN CHRIST #WERE 10 MINUTES IN HALFWAY INTO THIS EPISODE AND ITS BEEN 30 MINUTES #update its been an hour #a full hour #IM LOSING YHE IDGF WAR SO BAD #im getting atummy ache it is causing a physical reaction i.n me .#never once did i ever cry while watching this show which says . A Lot since im a big crier . you cant do this to me #AFTER 1000 EPISODES . youre kidding me . somehow i no longer feel like ive wasted arnd 400hrs of my life #the feeling wont last long but still #yamatos voice axctor i am IN YOUR WALSLS #this color script is making me sick who directed this its stunning .#this arc actually had the proper build up to Hit i am . impressed #it wasnt just this episode it really did feel like the dominoes were Falling for once in this shows lifetime what the hell #i am . floored .#maybe they Were right . it Does get good at the 1000s . kicks dirt #we started watching 1015 at 11 thinking we’ll sleep after this one but its 1am now . this needs to stop #solar-talks

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beomgyutruther · 3 months

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#snapped at my mom because im stressed about my preboard results and then i apologized and explained that i was rly stressed and accidentally #lashed out and she started saying that im always rude to her and taking my stress out on her ??? and that i never do this to my dad #and then she said i never talk to her about anything even though she's the only one who does everything for me yet i still dont talk to her #and well. maybe if she didnt tell my brother 'if u do this u will end up like ur sister in the future. u dont want to fail in life right ?#then dont do this' (nearly exact words) when she was scolding him . i mean maybe then i would actually want to talk to her #and it sucks because i cant rly talk to anyone irl about this because i still feel scared that they'll like. judge my mom #because i still love her a lot and dont want people to think badly about her #but its getting harder ! to exist here ! and the fact that i am constantly used as an example of what my brother should NOT be #especially when i work this hard partly because i want to be someone my brother can look up to #and to have that come from my own mother . it's really hurtful and makes me feel like nothing i ever do will be enough for her #not to mention the fact that i have come out to her 4 times and she still constantly asks me if it's just a phase #<- i thought that part was getting better but apparently not #but i've stopped expecting anything from anyone in that respect so it doesn't really come as a surprise lmao #anyway rant over i just needed to get that off my chest because i really dont know how long i can keep crying and then forcing my voice #to be normal so that no one asks what happened because wow it is taking a toll on me! who knew #do noooot perceive this

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midnight1404 · 3 months

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is funny that im a vet student but i still cant have pets bc i still traumatized with my dog and cat's death even if one year and three months has passed. I think one thing im mourning the most is that i lost all my dog's pics and im habing problems to remember his face rn while after my last phone broke the past week now i dont have my cats's pic either

#me talking to my void #like my roomies have their pets but is not the same #i remember that i was the one who has to sacrifice my dog bc my older brother couldnt #i remember the have passed a whole night without sleep #hearing his breathing from the next room getting worse and worse #i remember the blood in his last hour i remember i had to leave him bc i couldnt stand it anymore and i was scared of be alone with him #i remember my brother and dad's complaints bc i wouldnt stop of cry #i remember the amounts of time i called the poor veterinary bc i was desesperate #i remember almost everything of his long death #how i hate myself for not be good enough #how it influenced me in my chosen career #but i cant remember his fucking face #i miss him so much

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dhampir-dyke · 10 months

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Had a kinda shitty therapy session w my new therapist and man. She wants me to try 'accelerated resolution therapy' to like. I guess rewrite my traumatic memories? But the absolute fucking fear I feel about it.... Literally everything in my body is telling me NOT to fucking do it. I don't even wanna go back.... idk what to do. I want to get better and not have a panic response every damn shift I work, but something is telling me this is a bad idea.

#what am i supposed to do. i told her i would at least just try the eye movements to get accustomed to them but the thought of rewriting #my memories. changing them. it feels wrong and it makes me sick at my stomach.#she says ill still know the facts of what happened..... but i just dont trust it #i cant stop crying. what a horrible session #i told her about a bit of the things that have happened to me. i feel like she doesnt quite grasp how much my past is inherently traumatic #i miss my old therapist. i wish i could still go to her.#she understood and accepted all my weirdness. we mostly focused on processing/talking abt my trauma and also getting me away from my abusers #but my new one just. idk. i cant tell if its my own hypervigilance/paranoia but she gives me a bad vibe.

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truckstoptigers · 4 months

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i remember i'd hear about how my state is one of the most dangerous places in terms of sex trafficking and i would think, what an awful thing. how terrible is it that my state has such an issue with trafficking that it's enough for it to be a well-known, well-documented serious danger/risk area.

and i still didn't think it would ever happen to me.

#familial trafficking is a very real thing and i am not okay :)#i still have a hard time coming to terms w it. i mean. thats what happened. i was trafficked. but it wasnt a stranger.#it was my fucking dad!! what the fuck!!!!!#he wouldnt stick around whenever hed bring me somewhere so it could happen. he literally left me w men he didnt even really know.#i remember one of them asked me once 'think your dad would let me keep you?' and all i could do was cry because well.#what exactly was stopping him from taking me? it sure as hell wasnt the law because me being seven fucking years old didnt matter.#im sure some of them thought about it. i just got lucky. i only got to go back home because of dumb luck. not everyone gets that chance.#sometimes i still feel like shit for using the word 'trafficking' to describe what happened to me because i know thats what it was #but it still doesnt feel like its *my* word to use. like im blowing it all out of proportion even though thats. literally what it was.#i dont know how to talk to anyone about it. just typing this made me have to put my phone down for a minute so i could try to calm down.#and then i also had to set it down for like an hour for the same reason. i just. im gonna go play minecraft for a few hours.#csa vent #trauma vent #actuallyabused #actuallytraumatized #tw trafficking #forgetting about this shit for years and having the memories come flooding back all of a sudden has been. SO difficult.#im so tired of thinking about it but i cant stop.

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hauntingblue · 4 months

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The episode title saying the execution command is given and that Tarot pirate pulling out the death card. What if this was my last strand

#jinbe needs to make those currents again and catapult them all out of the water. this is my design #goodbye moby dick......#old man go sicko mode again #please man #STOP GIVING ACE THAT FUCKING NECK!!! IT TAKES ME OUT #luffy running thru the smoke and the bombs and being thrown into the water. ENOUGH!!!!#i am crying once again #he is gonna pass out again!!!!! NOOOO #in my head ace pleads to garp to save luffy at least now that he cant save ace #GOD. OARS AGAIN. HE IS NOT DONE #he just needed a nap #see. jinbe is going to bazooka luffy with water. predicted #luffy weakened with the sea water against the three admirals. oh my god #now jinbe you throw shirohige too and problem solved #god #also the yellow and red admirals have such human faces. they are going to cast some big actors for them trust me #talking tag #watching one piece #episide 474

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