#nobody is obliged to like it but it genuinely is not a bad film & was well made

[nct127s]

the switch up on barbie is so strange to me, the same people who were all going to the cinema to see it & proclaiming it film of the year are now all the same people slating it

[hrodvitnon]

Ok, forgive me if the following is a bit aggro but I feel like a lot of people seem to forget some very important facts about Godzilla (the IP, not the character)

I genuinely can't take people who place blame on directors for 'bad Godzilla characterization' seriously. Especially Dougherty and Wingard. Before I get into my rant, I just feel the need to remind everyone of this quote Wingard gave in regards to writing Godzilla for GvK:

Toho actually has an entire laundry list of rules Godzilla needs to follow that came out around GvK's release. The actual list is super long and with a lot of frankly weird points, but this is one of their main ones. Theatrical Godzilla doesn't emote. That is what they tell directors and that's a rule they need to follow. But, on the same token, there are ways around it and some directors are afforded some negotiating power on this front. The quote, for example, is in reference to Goji's famous smile from GvK.

One of the largest ways around it in fact is having characterization come from external sources that aren't the films. In fact, almost every single piece of info that builds Godzilla's character in the MV comes either from moments in the films that are intentionally vague, things like the comics or novelizations, or Word of God tweets from Edwards and Dougherty (sidenote: the reason you never hear about stuff like the Dougherty tweets coming from Wingard is that he literally doesn't have Twitter. A lesson I think we can all learn from). This is not unintentional, these are literally the only times they're allowed to get away with breaking a few of these rules.

Wingard, Doughtery, Edwards- all are huge Godzilla fanatics and it gets on my nerves a tad when people tear into them for rules out of their control. I probably don't need to tell everyone that Dougherty used to retweet ship art for Mothzilla and engaged with fans at length back when he was still on Twitter (Oh yeah, he also has since left Twitter. Man, maybe these directors had the right idea or something?); and Wingard has come out saying he wants to do a Godzilla-focused movie next if Legendary lets him come back, probably because he himself recognizes he's been playing favorites a little bit. I'm sure the directors would love to give Godzilla more depth and personality, it's just that Goji's always been Toho's favorite boy that they're very picky about. Like- I hate to be that guy- but we easily could've gotten the Transformers treatment and gotten saddled with a director like Michael Bay for one of these films and the Monsterverse would be dead on arrival. These people clearly care but are obliged to follow some ground rules they may or may not agree with. Godzilla's characterization is left mostly ambiguous for this reason. Audiences are supposed to fill in the blanks. Hell, people in this blog/hellsite have already done that! We've done that with our own interpretations and that's what the directors are going for in lieu of being allowed to do that themselves. May just be a me thing, but I'd much rather have audience interpreted characterization and very high quality content then shitty/no content and Godzilla becoming a dead franchise again.

And- in regards to the Twitter stuff-

-I don't care. Nobody should care. Just- just don't even give them the light of day and let their asinine takes die in the darkness. It's better this way.

I understand all this. I understand. I've heard that Toho has their rules for what not to do with their favorite monster, and I still think "Godzilla can't emote" is a dumb rule, but what the fuck can I do about it beyond the usual fan content. I know this. I get it.

I'm just getting tired of discussing it and want to stop before the discussion starts going in circles or something.

I'm going to go outside for a while.

[foodfightnovelization]

Websites, Web Videos and Production Stills

Alright, so before the end of the novelization I want to just take a minute to talk about the various Foodfight! websites from over the years. From about 2001-2005, foodfight.com was simply a brief Flash animation of the movie's logo, with a second animation saying "When good food...goes BAD!" Not much to talk about, right?

However, in around 2006 the website was updated into, well, an actual website! You can still check it out here via the Internet Archive: https://web.archive.org/web/20060901184349/http://www.foodfight.com/FF-flash.html

This is honestly pretty cool- we get a brief summary of the plot, a bunch of character bios that explain things about Dex, Dan and the other Ikes that are NEVER made clear in the movie itself -for instance, did you know the cereal Dex is the mascot for actually contains a free toy of him in every box? If that was a real cereal (and they WERE planning to make it one when this movie was something of a big deal) I would've loved that, I miss cereal prizes so dearly. These character bios also show concept art from an earlier version of the movie- art that again, looks far more visually appealing than the movie we ended up with. How is it basically everything about Foodfight! except the movie itself is actually pretty cool?

The website even opens with a genuinely impressive animation of the grocery store transforming into Marketropolis- I can't really show it here because it's animated, but if you follow the link you'll see it and it looks AWESOME- it really makes you think "yeah, supermarkets DO kinda look like cities!", right? Also, on the Production page we see the character model for a large, ugly Brand X soldier who we never see in the finished film. Is this the fabled Brand X Mashed Potato Man? (Almost definitely yes, there's nobody else this could be)

Well, he looks absolutely HORRIFYING, but it's good to know what this character would've looked like had he not been replaced by the Brand X Lunchlady. On the Partners page as well, we see one of the companies the studio is working with is Random House, who published the novelization we've been analyzing for the past twenty-something blog posts. So far, this is the only evidence I've found of the novelization's existence outside of the copy of it I own, so it's good to see it get some acknowledgement. There's not much else to talk about with this website, so now let's move onto the next- that's right, there was ANOTHER website.

So as you may or may not know, Foodfight was initially released in theaters in 2012 in the UK and Ireland- it makes no sense at all to release it there, as British people aren't going to be familiar with characters like Charlie The Tuna or Twinkie the Kid, but apparently this was part of a contractual obligation the studio HAD to fulfill of giving it a theatrical release SOMEWHERE. As it happens, I actually grew up in England (I live in Canada now, however) and this theatrical release was where my obsession with Foodfight began. Back in 2012, I saw a poster for this movie outside a theater in London- it had Charlie Tuna, Twinkie The Kid and the Vlasic Stork on it, but I didn't recognize any of them because I was an 11 year old British child with no knowledge of Twinkies or tuna mascots. I DID however see Dex Dogtective up on the poster, and I was instantly enamoured because he looked like Indiana Jones, and I LOVED Indiana Jones back then. I begged to go see it, but was given a harsh and firm "no". Now 11 years later, I'm writing the most comprehensive blog about the movie to ever have existed. Life is funny like that sometimes, right? But that's not what we're here to talk about- when the movie was released in the UK and Ireland, there was a website coinciding with this release- foodfightmovie.co.uk.

This was also saved via the Web Archive, unfortunately however only the Introduction page of the site was saved. The picture above (and a button below that says "ENTER") is basically all that's left of this site, so whatever else was on there is long gone...right?

Well, not quite! In late 2012, this Youtube video was uploaded entitled "Foodfight vox pop". It shows the audience reaction after a theater screening in the UK, comprised mainly of very young children saying they liked the movie whilst holding various Foodfight plush toys. I can't find a source for this video ANYWHERE on the internet, so it's my theory this video was originally made for the "foodfightmovie.co.uk" website before it was lost to time. I don't have any definitive proof of that, but it doesn't make sense for this video to have come from anywhere else.

Now, I just have one last thing to share! These are production stills dated from sometime in 2007 that I found while scouring the web for more juicy tidbits about Foodfight! These stills mostly look similar to what we see in the final movie- however Lieutenant X, Sunshine, and Maximilius's character designs look far higher quality than what we see in the actual movie. The design of the ketchup tanks is slightly different as well, and Sunshine appears in a grassy meadow that looks vastly different from the one we see in the finished film. These aren't a huge deal, but based on the character designs and models we see here, we can say DEFINITIVELY that the version of the movie we know and...tolerate today was in development in 2007. Besides that, I wanted to share EVERYTHING I know about Foodfight on this blog, even the minor things that'd otherwise be uninteresting.

I really hope you enjoyed these- I didn't want to just talk about the novelization on this blog, I wanted to share the wider world of Foodfight! as well, from storyboards to concept art to long-lost videogames, and I hope by reading these you learned something you didn't already know. We have two more chapters to go before we reach the end of the novelization, so I say let's snap crackle and pop our way through to the end!

[byneddiedingo]

Carole Lombard and Jack Benny in To Be or Not to Be (Ernst Lubitsch, 1942) Cast: Carole Lombard, Jack Benny, Robert Stack, Sig Ruman, Felix Bressart, Lionel Atwill, Stanley Ridges. Screenplay: Melchior Lengyel, Edwin Justus Mayer. Cinematography: Rudolph Maté. Production design: Vincent Korda. Film editing: Dorothy Spencer. Music: Werner R. Heymann. Topical humor and satire has always been a risky business. When a joke about current events offends rather than amuses an audience, producing stunned silence or at best nervous laughter, comedians usually try to defuse the situation by asking, "Too soon?" For Ernst Lubitsch's To Be or Not to Be, it was "too soon" for a very long time. Begun before Pearl Harbor and completed after the United States had declared war on Nazi Germany, To Be or Not to Be had the further misfortune to be released shortly after the death of its star, Carole Lombard, in a plane crash while on a tour selling war bonds. The unavoidable bad timing resulted in a critical and commercial failure, with many critics echoing the reaction of the New York Times's Bosley Crowther, a man not known for his lively sense of humor, that To Be or Not to Be was a "callous and macabre" treatment of "a subject which is far from the realm of fun." Even the father of the film's star, Jack Benny, walked out of the picture when he saw his son wearing a Nazi uniform. (He was later persuaded to sit through the movie and liked it.) Critical nervousness about To Be or Not to Be lingered for a very long time, especially among the generation that fought in or grew up during the war. Andrew Sarris, who placed Lubitsch in his "Pantheon" of great directors in his 1968 book The American Cinema, took notice of the film's reputation as "an inappropriately farcical treatment of Nazi terror," and rather oddly commented, "For Lubitsch, it was sufficient to say that Hitler had bad manners, and no evil was then inconceivable." As late as 1982, in her collection of short reviews, 5001 Night at the Movies, Pauline Kael said that "the burlesque of the Nazis ... is so crudely gleeful that we don't find it funny." That last is, incidentally, a prime example of the Kaelian "we," her tendency to include the reader in her own experience of films. As Sam Goldwyn reportedly said, "Include me out." I'll admit that the first time I saw To Be or Not to Be, I was a little shocked by its tone, and especially its portrayal of the Gestapo as a gaggle of brainless schnooks, epitomized by Sig Ruman's easily duped Col. Ehrhardt. Yes, the Gestapo was a formidable instrument of terror, to the point that they remain emblematic of the utmost viciousness of Nazism, especially when countless movies made after the entrance into the war freed Hollywood filmmakers from their obligation to remain neutral. On the other hand, the Spanish Inquisition was an equally formidable instrument of terror, and is anyone really offended when they turn up as a gag line -- "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition" -- in Monty Python sketches? Time allows us to distance ourselves from horror, so today most people acknowledge and admire the skill and wit of Lubitsch's satiric farce, which is also a pretty good spy thriller, with genuinely suspenseful moments. Lombard is at her most poised and glamorous, as well as a surprisingly effective foil for Benny, who as the "great, great Polish actor Joseph Tura" for once in his rather undistinguished career in movies -- which never showcased him as well as radio or TV did -- has a chance to display his perfect comic timing. Tura's reaction -- an indignant slow burn -- when the start of his "To be or not to be" soliloquy cues Lt. Sobinski (Robert Stack) to leave his seat for an assignation with Mrs. Tura is Benny at his best. But the film is also laced with moments of real awareness of the horrors beneath, an awareness that is not really compromised by being made part of a comedy. The most famous line of the film is probably Ehrhardt's observation, in response to the disguised Tura's request for an evaluation of his work on the stage, "What he did to Shakespeare we are now doing to Poland." How this double entendre made it past the Production Code censors, I don't know, but it's evidence that Lubitsch was certainly aware of the reality and not just being "inappropriately farcical."

[daughterofwonderandmisery]

main: @existential-dinosaur

Fact blog: @radfem-posts-i-ref

avatar: https://www.deviantart.com/anivi/art/Sanguis-481516973

header: https://www.artstation.com/artwork/black-dragon-coin

My views, in case those matter and you're too lazy to scroll:

Gender critical - gender roles are a social construct, and nobody should be obligated to follow them. Not following gender roles does not mean you need to be medicated or change in any way: it means literally nothing.

Anti self ID - you should never be able to change your sex on either your birth certificate or your driver's license, unless it was genuinely marked down incorrectly.

Anti coerced respect / coerced speech - unless your speach is a threat of violence, the state should not compel you to change it. This includes the right to misgender people, and insult people. The state is not your mommy and it's not the state's job to protect you from having your feelings hurt.

Kink critical - "do you think, when he's alone and he's fantasizing about rape, his fantasy includes the part where you say yes first?" and "kinksters and abusive men hit women for the same reason: they like hitting women."

Fully against porn, pro banning porn - when you see a video online, how do you know everyone in it: 1) consented to all actions being done, 2) consented to be filmed, 3) consented (and continue to consent) to having it posted online? How do you know they're 18+? The answer is, you don't. And it's impossible to prove. It's impossible to have an ethical commercial porn site.

Anti prostitution, pro Nordic model - consent cannot be purchased. Prostituted women are usually victims, and criminalizing them simply makes it harder for them to escape the industry. Sex buyers are privileged, and should go to jail for exploiting impoverished women.

Anti surrogacy - you should never be able to pay to use someone's organs.

Pro gay (same sex) marriage - I don't care what you want to call it, marriage is currently an institution run by the state. As long as the state provides material benefits to married people, gays should be able to obtain those benefits as well.

Against prison abolition - simply letting murderers roam the streets is a stupid fucking idea

Pro 2A / pro gun - I'd rather protect myself with a gun than have to rely on some sexist government pigs to do it for me. That's assuming they even protect me, instead of showing up two hours late and then shooting me.

Pharmaceuticals critical - critical and suspicious of any and all medication, including vaccinations. When doctors have a financial incentive to push drugs on you, they no longer have your health as their top priority. This shit also contributes to the rise of the trans movement: a lot of pharma shills are making bank off of trans people's cosmetic surgeries and life-long consumerism.

Pro animal agriculture - humans have been eating meat for millenia. Locally grown meat is actually better for the environment than vegetables that have to be shipped across the world. Leather lasts for generations and doesn't release microplastics into the environment. Plants can feel pain just like animals can, you just don't feel bad for them because they don't have faces.

Pro saturated fat, anti seed oil - the idea that saturated fat (eg animal fat) is bad for you is a scam entirely created by the AHA, who are themselves entirely funded by the industrial ag businesses creating seed oils. Seed oils release aldehydes and are extremely bad for you, and go rancid on your shelves.

Natalism neutral - I don't believe having kids is either a morally good or a morally bad act, in and of itself. If you have the finances and time to support a child, I don't think you're either "greedy" or a "bad feminist" for having a child.

Pro choice - I don't agree that consent to sex is consent to a child, or consent to a fetus to use my organs. I believe my right to choose what happens to my organs is more important than any life. This also includes the right to abort a child based on any feature, including disability or sex.

Pro Marijuana full recreational legalization - it smells like shit and smokers are super fucking annoying, but it's less dangerous than alcohol and it makes no sense to be jailing people for it.

Addiction is a disease, pro decrim of addiction - I don't think harder drugs like heroine should be sold in stores, but criminalizing drugs makes it harder for addicts to break the cycle. Addicts should be given clean areas and sterile needles, and counceling.

Pro work from home and four day work weeks - if you work an office job, it can almost certainly be done from home. Wfh has been shown to be better for people's lives. Same with four day work week. And neither have detrimental effects on productivity. Offices are an outdated concept.

Religion is not INHERENTLY evil or culty - while there do exist subsections within many religions that are harmful, religion itself is not inherently harmful. There's nothing inherently bad about holding non-falsifiable beliefs, and everyone (even atheists) hold at least one non-falsifiable belief.

Politics is the new religion - most atheists have just replaced the meaning they normally would find in religion with politics. Politics is substantially more culty than most religions at this point. People make their political label a core part of their identity, and literally excommunicate each other over it.

Islam should be eradicated - Islam is an inherently harmful religion, in every form it is practiced. Its holy book has child marriage and sex slavery. It is so rotten to its core that there is no changes that will make it acceptable, and everyone who CHOOSES to practice it is responsible for continuing to spread these harmful practices.

-- > https://wikiislam.net/wiki/Child_Marriage_in_the_Qur%27an

-- > https://wikiislam.net/wiki/Qur%27an,_Hadith_and_Scholars:Slavery

Pro hormonal birth control - pill birth control is a class one carcinogenic, and birth control in general should be treated with the same suspicion as any other pharmaceutical, but it should still be legal. The most effective way to prevent pregnancy while still engaging in PIV sex is hormonal birth control, and thus people should have access to it.

Electric cars and batteries are NOT going to save the environment - lithium (the main component of electric batteries) is EXTREMELY bad for the environment to mine, and these batteries only last five to ten years. And you can't have solar or wind energy without batteries. So solar/wind aren't better for the environment, they're just changing where the harm is happening.

Atomic power is the future - atomic power is much, much safer than people believe. Spent nuclear power rods can be disposed of safely.

Pro shooting pedophiles - the penalty for sexually abusing a minor should be death.

Pro shooting people who make porn of content aimed at children - see bronies.

Pro shooting people who make or consume porn of children, whether real or animated - your lolis still make you a fucking pedophile.

There's no such thing as a secular version of any religion - this is more personal because I am extremely Buddhist, and seeing all the white western "secular Buddhists" annoys me. If you take the non-falsifiable, spiritual, beliefs out of a religion, it is no longer that religion. If you remove the concept of rebirth from Buddhism, you are no longer a Buddhist.

Coporations benefit from your misery, and are incentivized to keep you hungry - this ties into "consoomerism", but essentially coporations want to keep you hungry so you keep buying useless shit from them, hoping it will make you happy.

Money can't buy happiness, only security - also related to the above point. Money absolutely can buy security, and security will remove a lot of stress from your life. But once you are secure (in food, in housing, medically) money will no longer make you any happier.

.

Against state mandated dress codes past "cover your genitals" - the state should not force me to wear a hijab, nor should it prevent me from doing so. Additionally, the state should not force anyone to wear shirts. Private businesses should be welcome to enforce whatever dress code they desire. As long as someone's genitals aren't visible, that's as much as the state should care.

Watching live action porn is cheating on your partner - if it would be cheating for your partner to sit in someone's pushes and jerk off to watching people have sex through a window, it's cheating when it happens through a screen.

Businesses should be required to provide equal amounts of paternity and maternity leave - men need just as much time with their child as women do, and this makes it so businesses are less likely to avoid hiring women to avoid paying maternity leave.

Tax fraud should be legal for people who make below the median income in the US, and people who make below the median income should never be subject to audits by the IRS.

Against all cosmetic surgery other than reconstructive - the problem is that you have a different version of yourself in your head from reality. You need to accept yourself, not chase an impossible idea of perfection. This includes "gender" transition. We don't treat anorexia by letting people starve to death.

Eventually I'll come back and add sources for these claims. I'm willing to discuss any of these over dms.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I hate the way Olivia is treated by fans and the media and I'm mad at Harry for being a part of it. He can act a tool at the press conference, blabber utter nonsense and still people praise him. Of course he's not obliged to support her and the choices she's made, but I can't feel anything but bad for her in this situation. Both signed up for it, and now fans are mad at Flo for ignoring Harry? And imagine thinking he really was Olivia's bf and still being his fan? I love Harry but he's an idiot

Anon 2: It’s so absurd to me seeing how Harry is getting praised while most people are making fun of Olivia as if they both weren’t equally involved in this whole thing. And nobody’s calling Harry out for his absolute bizarre behavior not only at the press conference but also on the red carpet which was all over the place and it does make him look childish and just very bad regardless how the situation bts looks like, his behavior was just an absolute shame. Unprofessional and unserious. Not a fan of Olivia but she handled the whole thing very eloquent and professional for the situation she was in while Harry was just being a mess. I’m sorry if this is to much grumbling but I genuinely don’t understand how he’s getting away with literally everything and nobody dares to call him out for the non sense he says and the rude way he acts like.

Anon 3: I find the whole Holivia thing super distressing because I've never seen a woman facing so much malice online.

It makes me very worried that there seems to be a majority (mainly female?) who celebrate or justify Harry ignoring his partner in a social situation. It doesn't matter if you believe it's fake or not, it's disturbing either way, that he gets praised for acting like a naughty teen, talking utter nonsense and treating a woman like that, no matter if she's his partner or 'only' his director. And Holivia supporters being just fine with "them keeping their relationship private", excuse me? There is a lot of room between making out on a red carpet and what Harry did. And then Harry's team denying he spit on Chris Pine as the only reaction. They really should have sat this one out, too, it just screams "we're good with the other slander".

Even if this was their agreed upon pr strategy (which I'm 80% sure of) it's terrible. Olivia doesn't need a 'male defender' imo, but for me this is Harry siding with the oppressor very visibly. Maybe Olivia is absolutely fine with it, maybe it was all her idea, maybe Harry feels bad about it, it doesn't matter. What matters to me is the way the public reacts, and this is so shocking to me.

I never thought that the way Harry Styles treats his fake girlfriend would make me take a break from the fandom, but here I am.

Anon 4: If I were Olivia Wilde and this were how my boyfriend talked about the film and behaved during press events I’d break up that very same night…

Anon 5: I hate the way Olivia is treated by fans and the media and I'm mad at Harry for being a part of it. He can act a tool at the press conference, blabber utter nonsense and still people praise him. Of course he's not obliged to support her and the choices she's made, but I can't feel anything but bad for her in this situation. Both signed up for it, and now fans are mad at Flo for ignoring Harry? And imagine thinking he really was Olivia's bf and still being his fan? I love Harry but he's an idiot

Anon 6: I mean, I wouldn’t say there’s key information in the press conference, it was awkward and Harry was out of his depth. The entire thing (conference, carpet, cinema) was just embarrassing, honestly. He didn’t come out looking good and I finally understand a lot of the criticism I’ve been seeing about him believing his own hype; Olivia didn’t come across well (the entire cast seemed to ignore her), and imho Florence’s behaviour was unprofessional as well. Chris Pine seemed great though.

************

Oh anons - I'm really interested in how widespread this reaction is, because I don't share it at all. I'll admit I haven't watched everything, but I have watched quite a lot of the red carpet, some of the press conference, and enough of his interview with Chris Pine to be absolutely astonished about how it's been represented on-line.

It was so weird to me how selective what's been spread is. The interview with Chris Pine began with the interviewer asking a super fucked up question - and they both did a reasonably good job of moving around it and talking about society (Harry referenced bell hooks - which gives me hope that he's learning about the world).

I have no idea what any of you are talking about. What I saw all seemed completely normal to me. Harry is obviously very well trained at not saying anything - and turns to charm when he feels a little uncomfortable (like when he doesn't know where to go). But everything I saw felt very, very normal for a red carpet. There's obviously variation in how people navigate these situations, but the idea that Harry was in any way unusual, let alone doing something so abnormal that any of this sort of scandalised fan response makes sense - I just don't see it.

I have two thoughts about this. I feel like in the early days of social media there was some videos that exposed how the sausage got made (whether it was Ed Milliband ruining his poor dead father's death and his poor alive mother's life by declaring strikes wrong for 6 minutes straight, or Mila Kunis rattling off all the things someone might ask her about the movie so she can go back to talking about pies with Chris Stark). Has that knowledge disappeared? Particularly the way people were projecting onto Chris Pine seemed to miss that this sort of thing is inherently quite boring and Harry is nothing out of the ordinary.

The second is more psychological - it's interesting to me that so many people responded to this by deciding Harry must be doing something wrong. I hate it - I think the sort of policing that says 'there are very narrow rules and everyone who steps outside that must be judged' is always going to have fucked up affects. Such fierce condemnation for really benign actions does really bother me.

Here's my theory about what's going on - for what it's worth. I think a combination about existing anxiety about what was going on and the knowledge that people were making fun of Harry can be quite distressing for fans (I didn't experience that this time - but I certainly have at other occasions). One way to deal with distress is to decide that one person doing something wrong is what caused it - that sort of black and white thinking helps people avoiding sitting with their distress.

I'm sorry - I'm aware that it's rude to respond to anons with suggestions about the psychological processes and some of you have been quite open with your feelings, which makes my response worse. But I answered this way for two reasons - the first is that I had no other way of answering any of these anons. Except saying 'I don't know what you're talking about' over and over again. And the other is that people who are this harsh on other people are usually even harsher on themselves. I do think it's worth saying that there are alternatives to harsh judgement.

[popculturebuffet]

Mission Hill Review: Plan 9 From Mission Hill or I Married a Gay Man From Outer Space!

Commission for @weirdkev27​. Hallowen Havoc marches on! For my first commission ever, I take a look at the cult classic mission hill’s final produced episode and one of it’s most loved. Kevin’s visit to an x rated movie pays off less with boobs and more with a friendship with his elderly gay neighbor and film buff wally and a new appreciation for cinema, only for this new friendship to nearly end over Kevin’s good natured attempt to spotlight Wally’s only film, the man from pluto. Gay spaceman, a touching gay love story, and a surprisingly likeable guy with a neckbeard insue. Spoilers and full recap FROM PLUTO, under the cut. 

Well this was a nice suprise. After the utterly draining process of my review of “Let’s Get Dangerous”, it was a nice suprise to find out one of my handful of fans had tried to comission me a while back and I hadn’t realized it, and I was happy to oblige him. I was even happier when I found out what his commission was: Plan 9 From Mission HIll, an episode i’d planned to cover for pride but got squeezed out due to how little i’d planned the month out in advance, a lesson I still REALLY need to learn. Regardless not only was it a nice, funny, and heartwarming ep to cover after the sheer amount of analysis and recapping the last one took, I realized it ended up fitting the spooky season, as there’s just as much fun to be had in truly fantastic horror movies like “Nightmare on Elm Street”, “Get Out”, “Child’s Play”, “Tales from the Hood” and “The Thing” as there is from so bad it’s great horror films like “House (The Japanese one), C.H.U.D. II: Bud The Chud, Terror Toons and House Shark. Seriously watch House Shark i’ts hilarious. Hell I fully plan on watching the Gary Busey film Hider in the House tomorrow. I mean it’s a film about hollywood’s favorite nutball  living in the walls and attic of someone’s house. What’s not to love? Maybe it might be entirely boring but that’s the risk you sometimes take to find so bad it’s gold filmaking. Plus cheeestastic films like these are the reason we have the classsic and incomprable mystery science theater 3000 and it’s succesor rifftrax. So while I need to watch more of them, I have a spot in my likely overtaxed heart for this kind of film, and as a result this episode resonated with me on rewatch in a way it didn’t the first time around, even if it was still my faviorite. 

Backing up a bit as usual I like to give my history with a show first time covering it: Mission HIll was one of a handful of shows picked up by Adult Swim in it’s early days. Since most of Adult Swim’s early originals were 11 minutes at a time when this was still a new and radical thing they were doing having 11 minute shows that weren’t sold as half hour pairs of 11 minute episodes, they likely needed more shows to fill up the air and clevelry simply bought the rights to several shows that had only had one season, along with Family Guy and Futurama which as history would bear out both made the shows into huge names in the animation industry but brought both back.. though in Family Guy’s case sometimes dead is better. Point is, several shows got a second life thanks to Cartoon Network if sadly not more seasons, with the sole exception of the utter classic Home Movies which I really need to talk about at some point, and thus are really more associated with Adult Swim than their original networks. Hell before doing this review I genuinely didn’t know what Mission HIll’s original networks. But now you know the framework this show came out in what IS Mission Hill anyway? 

MIssion Hill was a cartoon from the wonderful brains of Bill Oakely and Josh Weinstein, no relation to the MST3K one who due to this confusion now goes by J. Elvis Weinstein instead, who showran the simpsons and did some great episodes, my faviorte of there’s being $pringfield, aka the casino one. 

The show was about Andy, a 24 year old slacker whose happily lazing about after college in his loft with his friends Jim, a stoic but friendly stoner played by Brian Posehn, and Posey, a sensitive hippie. However when he goes to pickup his childhood dog he ends up with an unexpected roomate: His nerdy, sheltered and neurotic brother Kevin, who has a love of sci fi, a type a personality and a habit of going bling blong to focus when studying or just whenever. He’s also voiced by future robin and future psychopath claming to be robin Scott Mellinville. Also in the building are Carlos and Natalie, an unemployed artist and college professor and their baby Nameless.  I forgot they existed.  And of course saving the best for last we have the brother’s neighbors, and a very early gay couple for animated television Wally and Gus, played by the legendary Tom Kenny and Nick Jameson who hasn’t done much of note but does a great job anyway. Wally is a fastudious, Gus is angry and very brooklyn, but the two genuinely love each other, makeout frequently, with their first showing off the two as a gay couple, and are an adorable but very beliviable couple. It’s part of WHY I wanted to spotlight them. The late 90′s/early 2000′s, the show originally aired in 99 and into 2000 and aired on adult swim in the early 2000 for the curious, were not a great time to be gay in animation with most gay characters used as punchlines and hardly any queer stories. Not only that but just a year earlier will and grace had to have one overly camp chracter and one “regular” gay character in order to get made. Granted that show has it’s issues but still, the point stands having a gay couple that plays fairly realistically, is shown to both be sexually active and love each other and who’ve been together for decades was a hell of a step for a medium where Family Guy around the same time had a joke with the punchline “Whoa transvestite back off!” Granted Family Guy would do far worse to both the gay and trans communities, but we’ll get to that someday. Or sooner if you commission me, but I swear if you do I will pull a gary busey on your house. Point is not only is it INCREIDBLY forward for it’s time but it holds up even now. There’s a reason the creators are working on a spinoff/revivial focused on the two and a reason these two tend to be one of the most talked about elements of the show. That and frankly their hilarious having realistic banter.. and also having one episode where Gus has a knife in his head for a whole episode. It helps that this episode, their spotlight one and the last one produced, is also one fo the series best. So with all that build up let’s take a look shall we? 

We open with Kevin passing a theater showing x rated movies and are shown, over a bunch of times of him passing it him condeming it publicly but his tone clearly telegraphing the classic battle between a teenage boy and his dick. Dick wins and Kevin heads inside and gives us... this. 

.... If you will excuse me, please enjoy the musical stylings of the late great Zorak while I go shower the “EeEEEEEEUUUUGGggggggHHHhhuuuuuuggghhhhhhhhewwwwuuuuugggghhhhggooooodddddddwwwyyyyyy” off me. 

God rest his soul. Okay i’m good now. Thankfully this isn’t an episode about Kevin getting addicted to x-rated theater, and they already did an episode about him masturbating. No really it actually had a good message as Kevin was so embarassed about the incident, he nearly let two other guys, granted not remotley good people who were stealing from there anyway, take the fall. Andy even ends up giving a great speech coming to his defense

“People, you mock this boy, but it's your fault he's here today. Your hypocrisy has made this boy a prisoner, terrified of his own sexuality. So much so that he'd rather send two relatively-innocent men to prison than admit he looks at pornography! He thinks his natural urges are filthy and perverted, and why? Because of your conspiracy of silence! Nobody dares admit the truth - that you're all just like him!”

IT’s a damn good moment and a good message. That sadly is still relevant as America still views sex as worse than violence for some weird reason. At least he has the internet now. Anywho when Kevin goes to see what’s up he runs into Wally who explains the confusion: He’s just showing old “X-Rated films”. Now some of you are probably wondering “Wait non-porn films used to use that?” Or “Wait what’s an x-rating?” Well while I knew some films did used to do that I was honestly curious myself as to why it was retired and why porn films got to use it and took a quick hop to google to find out reading both the wikipedia article for the rating and this vulture article on the subject to get a slightly deeper look at it. 

It’s actually quite intresting as I genuinelly also didn’t know when the MPAA ratings started for films: When the rating’s board started in 1968 there were four raitings: G, GP (Later flipped to PG), R and X. X was the modern equivlent of today’s R really, and films like Last Tango in Paris, Midnight Cowboy and a Clockwork Orange, with Orange even having a poster up at the cinema in this episode and Midnight Cowboy being part of the plot very soon. We’ll get to that in the moment. Point is it allowed filmakers to push the envelope break barriers all that good stuff and makes me curious about those very films, which is a good thing as i’ll admit to not being exactly a film buff.  But as Kevin’s confusion here shows, eventually the porn industry took a hold of it, using the X as a way to get sex movies into regular cinemas and have an air of legitimacy, hence why Debbie Does Dallas was a mainstream hit.. and yes that’s an actual film that I only know about thanks to I Love the 70′s. If your wondering why the MPAA just couldn’t you know, tell them to know or why they didn’t take over other ratings it turns out for some weird reason why the G and R ratings were owned by them, and later PG , they forgot to trademark X and by the time they even thought of it it was too late. Hence terms like XXX rated and what not or the ungodly stupid XXX porn parodies. Just.. just give them actual names and slap “A porn parody” ont he end if you want to avoid a lawsuit.  Naturally the film industry struck back and X soon went from a way to have daring, interesting films.. to basically a threat by the MPAA that your film wouldn’t be carried by any major distributors if it had one, with Dawn of the Dead having to just go unrated just to get distributed. The 80′s brought the killing stroke: With the rise of big theater chains, mall theaters with restrictions I wasn’t aware of, and big home video outlets like blockbuster that didn’t carry porn, the x rating was well and truly dead and the MPAA lukewarmly added NC-17 which serves the same bullshit purpose as theaters still refuse to carry them and the MPAA still uses it for essenitally the same reason. Nothing changed! If your wondering why people sometimes have problems with the MPAA, yeah there’s your answer, as they could’ve campaigned harder for NC-17 but clearly enjoyed having a raiting to hold over films heads. 

So yeah if you don’t know, know you know bud, let’s move on. So yeah Wally explains the confusion and decides to educate Kevin on film by showing him Midnight Cowboy, with John Voight “Before his head looked like a radish” and Dustin Hoffman. Also Andy brings up Sphere.. a film I also know nothing about. Hang on... checking Letterboxd and okay. It’s a Dustin Hoffman starring Sci-Fi film about a research team investigating a mysterious sphere at the bottom of the sea. Huh.. I prefer Cube myself but to each his own.  But once Kevin clams up he really enjoys it. Will grant the episode lays it on a tad thick, with Kevin comparing the film to , of all things, Armageddon. I mean I get MIcheal Bay is a good metric for crowd pleasing schlock but still, even nerds have standards. My standards aren’t very high at times mind as I still want to watch this sometime today. 

But I still think even awkward teens have better standards. Then again one of my faviorite films at the time was Saving Silverman which while I can’t hate it due to nostalgia , having watched it from 5th grade well into my teens, I can see was not very good. Though it did have R. Lee Ermy being both really funny and turning out to be gay so that was awesome. 

And he does make a good point that heroes like Ratzzo Rizzo don’t go well on Taco Bell cups.. though it also feels weird to me in 2020 where while not big sellers films with deep stories and unlikeable heroes are some of the biggest on tv and one of them was one of the greatest animated series of the last decade, so things must’ve been pretty damn bleak in 1999. The two also run into Gus who wants dinner and a fight ensues between the couple about the fact Gus owns a restraunt, could just bring his lunch etc. It’s hilarious and as I said I like how they feel like a couple you’d meet in real life. Sadly I don’t have an elderly gay couple in my neighborhood but here’s hoping. Or maybe i’ll be the neighborhoods wally when I grow up who knows. Also Tom Kenny’s delivery is great. 

Kevin later relays his fun day to his loftmates, with Andy expressing genuine suprise at Wally’s job and love of art house cinema, as none of them knew what he actually did. Andy’s genuinely shocked and mildly appalled they’ve lived near Wally for so long but having no idea what he does.. but really I had a sweet old lady, Delores who lived next to me for almost my entire life before she moved to be closer to her family, visited her house frequently pet her cats, went to her house after school at one point.. and I cannot tell you what he did, so it’s incredibly relatable. However in a scene that’s both hilarious but also really, really sweet, the three relate that they do know him well and due to being neighbors after all and know Gus and Wally’s morning routine: They wake up at 8, Wally brews the Coffee, Gus reads him the funnies, then they shower together while singing college fight songs, and then, with Jim saying this part so picture it in Brian Posehn’s voice please you won’t regret it, argue or have gay sex and then it’s off to work. It’s really sweet, both in showing off their well worn dynamic with each other, and the fact that the loftmates really DO know these two even if they dont’ know everything and they are close in their own way. Kevin can only give out a “Hm” in response... which is probably the closest he can get to saying touche without breaking into nerdy giggles. 

Cue the good times montage as Wally introduces Kevin to Ingmar Bergman, who I have heard of even if i’ve never seen any of them, and some director I never heard of who made old timey comedies apparently. IT’s a really nice sequence. Kevin also shows 2001: A Space Oddesy to his friends, who are bored to tears by it while Kevin’s enraptured. Which I would say was another heavy-handed swipe at late 90′s cinema but being a teen myself who had mostly watched things like Star Wars, I did not gel with 2001 and need to rematch it at some point, so I totally relate to his friends utter boredom and confusion with it given it’s rep. It’s a visually stunning film. I will however stand by not liking Star Trek: The Motion Picture, as that film TRIES to be 2001 but is instead just really, REALLY boring. 

But naturally things can be entirely good natured bonding between an elderly gay man and , as Wally puts it in the best line of the episode “The son god never wanted me to have”, as Kevin notices a film coming up that Wally apparently made, and looks to star gus. Wally panics and shoos his young protégé away... which yeah he could’ve just you know told him he doesn’t like the film or anything else and prevented this episode but then we wouldn’t of seen the gay equilvent of plan 9 from outer space so fair enough. 

At the Gus’ Diner, the loftmates and their neighbors I mentioned earlier look over the poster, and we find out from Gus that that is him, and he starred in a movie.. and naturally Wally explained never showing it to his husband in the simplest way possible: By claming a shark ate it. You know while I watched the show I didn’t quite get it when I was younger and it’s probably why it took me decades to revisit it.. but I wish I had sooner this show is REALLY damn funny and i’m really looking forward to that spinoff with Wally and Gus. 

Wally continues to dodge Kevin, so Kevin, trying to find info about the film and it being lost, goes to the video store.. back when those existed. Something I have to give the show is honestly the use of vhs, visits to video stores, and the movies Kevin mentions are the only things that really date this film. While swapping another Dustin Hoffman film in proved impossible, it is plausible Kevin would see it streaming somewhere. and it’s easy enough to swap Armageddon for Rise of Skywalker given that film’s just as good.. Last Jedi was excellent though. Point is this story REALLY holds up, which is the sign of a good story: where even if some elements are stamped to the time, the story itself could easily be told again with few changes. It’s also why i’m not AGAINST Reboots, as my coverage of ducktales makes obvious: As long as stories can still be told or you can retell a story in a unique and intresting way, it’s fine to reuse something. I do think hollywood overdoes it, but I’ve never thought there was genuine harm in it or reviving old franchises. It’s all in how you do it.  But yeah while the local video store dosen’t help at all, Andy happens to know just the man for the job, though Jim and Posey nope out of going with them. Also something to note is the series animation: It’s animated like an old 30′s cartoon or a comic strip, modernized a bit in color and realisim, but still having comic strip stuff like shaking head lines, heat lines coming off coffee that sort of thing.  I really love it. 

Anyways the brothers head off to a funky out of the way video store, I wish there were more hole in the wall used media stores where I lived. We mostly have chains like Vintage Stock and Half-Priced Books, though I genuinely love both of those stores and VIntage Stock is the modern equilvent of places like blockbuster honestly. Anyway after Beardo confuses Kevin for an Employee kevin asks him about the man from pluto which Beardo reveals he knows about but is very rare and has few prints. I like Beardo.. he’s a neckbeard who seems more liable to complain abotu some reboot on the fact their rebooting it again rather than “gasp” women are involved. I prefer my neckbeards just a tad pretentious rather than you know, sexist, homophobic, deranged assholes with nothing better to do. I mean i’m still living at home and didn’t get out much before the pandemic either but you dont’ see me bitching every time a franchise gets a female lead. 

Anyway, Kevin is inspired by that and with help from everyone gets the word out about the film. As you’d expect though this can’t end well, as Wally tries avoiding the premire entirely (And we get a great bit where Jim happens to see him trying to flee down the fire escape and Wally’s expression is priceless) 

Huh.. I bet that’s what Rob Reiner when North had it’s premire. As you can probably guess the showing dosen’t go well: The film itself is a hilarious combination of the day the earth stood still (the general plot as we’ll find out more in a second) and Plan 9 From Outer Space (A cheestatic no budget film with a hulking man brute who can’t act as the lead), and in catching the feel of a b-movie it’s utterly perfectly done. This film would go perfect on MST3K and the audience’s howls of laughter agrees with me. 

Wally however is utterly humiliated and doesn’t want to speak to Kevin which.. yeah is about the only issue I have with an otherwise marvelous episode. While I get Wally’s humiliation was Kevin’s fault.. Kevin GENUINELY meant well. While Kevin is book smart at his core he’s a dumb kid who didn’t know any better and didn’t realize Wally hated his film and it’s Wally’s own damn fault for not telling him.  Sure Kevin should’ve picked up the hint, but given the kid is oblivious and didn’t even know what an x raiting is it’s clear he’s not the sharpest crayon in the box when it comes to life experince. Wally had every opportunity to just explain his story but didn’t. And I put most of the blame on Wally when he’s you know, the adult. He’s a 60 or so year old man. He should know better. But it really doesn’t take away from the episode entirely.  But the loftmates clearly love the film and are quoting bits from it, with jim having a fishbowl on his head, when they run into Wally, though Wally is fine with them admitting it’s crap and he knows it is. We then get what REALLY makes the episode and really makes me primed for a spinoff: Wally and Gus’ backstory, which also makes it obvious the crew was probably going to use the two more had the series got another season. 

Anyways it was the 50′s, Archie Andrews was an average teen and not shredded both in muscle and by a bear that one time, Fonzie was out and about and eyying, and Wally was a first unit director given a shot as the studio asked him for a script having utter faith in him. HIs script was a day the earth stood still esque parable on the Cold War.. until he met Gus who, naturally for Gus, was outrunning a ton of police having stumbled on set and likely defeated them all bare handed because Gus is as incredible as the hulk and likely also comes back through a glowing green door when he dies.  So Wally made the tragic mistake of mixing his love life with his career, and lost both Kurt Douglas, who he bumped down from lead for Gus, and Charleton Hesston who just walked off and they got a dinkier stage and worse actors as a result. The resulting film ended Wally’s career but he was able to sell the rights to cinemas to make enough for them to start over in mission hill and buy the diner.. and at least they had each other. It’s a really great story that explains why it upsets Wally so much: This was his baby and while he dosen’t even for one second regret meeting gus or the life they’ve had, he regrets that his one film was a total trainwreck and goes off to the theater to mope as he plays his film for laughing crowds, as it was naturally held over. I mean when you get the next plan 9 from outer space, this was a bit before the room mind you, you hold onto that shit. 

Kevin, who heard the whole thing, goes to mope by watching what is likely a MIcheal Bay film, who was a target even then folks. Oh you poor poor fools you knew not how much worse it could get... i.e. robot testicles. Just.. robot testicles. And their MAKING A DELUXE MOVIE DEVISTATOR. Why. Just.. why who wanted this after that scene. He’s sworn off good movies as he feels he no longer deserves them. Andy however bluntly tells him to cut the pity party, while he’s moping his friend really needs him and when you love somebody, you put your pants on for them. When you love somebody you see it to the end, when you love somebody the conclusions forgone when you love somebody you put your big boy pants right onnnnn! ... I’ll put the song at the end. Point is Kevin goes to help his friend, and as Wally is moping in the projection booth and wonders what he was thinking Kevin tells him the obvious truth: He was thinking of how far he’d go.  “You taught me the best films are personal stories.. and this film is your valentine to Gus” While Wally starts to break a little, he does point out it doesn’t make it good.. but Kevin rightly counters that he’s not so sure of it. Wally sees the audience enjoying the film and goes down, with all of them carrying red light bulbs like the one gus has to show when he’s mad in the film. And Wally finally realizes waht I got to in the beginning: It doesn’t matter if a film’s good or bad, what matters is someone enjoys it. A film can be utterly terrible, and still be good. It can be a mess and still have merit. And Wally finally realizes it doesn’t matter if it’s the film he wanted, it’s the film he made for his future husband, it’s a film that brings laughter and sticks in people’s heads and really  brings them a godo time. It’s a film worth remembering and Wally finally accepts that and his film as his own.  Later that night Kevin and Wally exit the theater, with Wally no longer mad at him and the two still friends or as Wally puts it in the second best line of the episode “As close as an elderly gay man and a straight boy can be” Awwww. The two depart and we get a touching final scene as Wally comes home and finds a bottle of wine and a note from gus saying he has a suprise for him> Turns out Gus put on his old space helmet.. but fell asleep in it. So we get a really nice tender moment as Gus takes the  helmet off, smooches his husband on his bald head and smiles brightly as the episode ends.

Final Thoughts on The Man From Pluto or I Married a Gay Man From Outer Space: Before you ask each episode had two titles for funzies, the first one to get past the censors and the second for fun and likely what they would’ve gone with if they could. As for this episode.. it’s spectacular. It holds up well even 20 years later, it’s touching, sweet and really damn funny and makes me want to rewatch the show as a whole again. I highly recommend seeking it out and hope mission hill is eventually made officially available somewhere. Till then you can find the whole series including this episode on YouTube and despite being the last one you could easily watch this one first if you want and it’s a decent enough intro to the show as a whole. I highly recommend it, an utter pleasure to watch.  If you liked this review, you can comission your own by PMing me on this very blog, just mention you want to do a comission and we can talk it out. As this review proves, it dosen’t have to be a show i’ve done before or even one that’s remotely recent. Hell i’d gladly do Fonz and The Happy Days gang, the animated happy days spinoff that’s like dr. who but with the Fonz. Yes really. Whatever you want i’ll do it as long as it’s not porn for just 5 bucks an episode and 10 for a movie. YOu can also join my patreon, and for 2 dollars a month get acess to my discord (that i’ll start once I get patreons) and once I get enough patreons exclusive polls or 10 bucks for all of that and a review of your choice each month. You can find said patreon right here. And even 1 buck a month would be apricated if you can spare it and if not simply reblog this and share it around.  You can also follow this blog for weekly ducktales, loud house and amphibia coverage as they come out.  I’d also personally thank WeirdKev27 for both being a long time fan of this blog and for the comission. 

Until we meet again say safe, wear a mask, check your atttic for Gary Busey and happy Halloween! Play us out Mr Heere!

[sserpente]

A/N: Thought I’d throw this in between all the requests. Enjoy, my lovelies!

Words: 1820 Warnings: almost drowning, mentions of bad parenting… and loooooads of fluff

It’s cold, it’s winter, I’m covered in snow… it’s cold, it’s winter, I’m covered in snow… You repeated the pleasant thought like a mantra as you took one deep breath after another, your bare feet dancing in the cool water of Tony’s pool.

You had run out of iced tea again; and sweat was pooling down your neck like a water flow. The sounds the water made whenever one of the Avengers swam by were heavenly. Not only once had you dipped your hands in up to your wrists and scooped some of it up to pour it all over your body. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t nearly enough.

You longed to jump right in yourself, to cool down in the singeing heat around you. Even Loki was there—and secretly watching him how he swam and dived, watching how his muscles kept flexing and how his pale and well-defined chest was shimmering with the wet film on his skin didn’t exactly help.

It was just… you couldn’t swim. You simply had… never gotten around to learn it and your parents hadn’t exactly cared, thank you very much. Now Tony’s pool was deep and unless you swam, you would sink to the ground like a lifeless rock.

Nobody knew, of course. It was… embarrassing. A (Y/A) year old woman, unable to swim! And thus far, no one had but teased you a little bit about avoiding the water like a terrified kitten even though they probably wondered why you did so in the first place.

You were about to stand and get a refill from your iced tea when suddenly, a large shadow was cast over you. Squinting up, you made out Thor standing right behind you, hands on his hips and a big grin on his lips. He was all wet, his beard still dripping.

“Come on, (Y/N), the water is wonderful. You’re not going to sit here again all day, are you? Get in!”

Smiling politely, you shook your head. “I’d rather not. I’m not exactly a water lover.”

But Thor’s grin only widened in response. Chuckling, he bent down, picking you up effortlessly.

“Thor, no! Stop it, put me down, now! Thor! Thor, please stop!” Heads turned in your direction, the present Avengers—Tony and Natasha—grinning in an amused manner and unknowing of how much you were panicking. Your heart was in your mouth when you dug your nails into his shoulders, anything to prevent him from throwing you into the pool. You couldn’t see what Loki thought of your hysterical screaming but quite frankly, you were busy. And of course, Thor was much stronger than you.

He laughed when he let go and threw you like a light-weighted piece of wood—right in the middle of the pool where there was nothing for you to hold on to. For a moment, ice cold anxiety washed over your body, wrapping around your veins, freezing your blood, making you immobile. Your whole body was underwater, your lungs filling with water as you accidentally took a deep and shocked breath out of reflex. Once you burst through the surface, you gasped for air fearfully, your arms and legs wailing helplessly in the cool wetness around you until suddenly, your felt one of your feet brushing something—or rather someone. Next thing you knew you already practically attempted to climb on top of Loki. Anything to keep your head above water.

Thor was nowhere to be seen. Did he have the audacity to just leave without checking on you? You knew he had meant it as a joke, he couldn’t have known why you avoided the pool in the first place but he should have listened to you when you said no.

Loki gave you an annoyed hiss. “What in the nine realms are you…?”

“I… I can’t swim.” You whispered out of breath, holding on to him for dear life. With a start, his expression hardened, his arm coming up almost immediately to wrap around your middle underwater, pressing you against him.

“I’ve got you, keep still.” He replied quietly, making sure Tony and Natasha—both busy with alcoholic cocktails—would not notice. Only you did not do as he said. It was like your brain had shut down, stopping you from thinking rationally altogether. “Keep still.” He repeated a little more sharply. You whined, burying your face in his neck in a desperate attempt to block out the world around you.

It’s winter, it’s cold, I’m covered in snow. It’s winter, it’s cold, I’m covered in snow.

“There. Grab the ladder.” Blindly, you stretched out your hand. It took you a moment to find the rescuing metal construction. As soon as you did, you pulled yourself out of the water faster than a complaining cat.

“T-thank you, Loki.” Your voice was shaking. The God of Mischief nodded in response, yet, he did not move away from the edge of the pool. He waited for you to grab the towel you had been sitting on earlier and wrap it around yourself before you returned to your previous position.

“How is it you cannot swim?” He asked quietly. You swallowed thickly.

“I just… never… learned it. I grew up in a small city, far away from lakes, the sea or even pools. We were very poor and my parents never bothered… when… I always stayed home from school trips to the public swimming baths in the next town because I… well. Anyway… Thank you, Loki.”

“All thanks to my stupid oaf of a brother.” You gave him a weak smile. Silence spread between you. “I could teach you.” He suddenly said.

“W-what?”

The God of Mischief smirked. He himself was not quite sure why he would willingly lay his selfishness aside and help you… after all, the Avengers had not exactly treated him kindly ever since his return to Midgard. However, there was something about you that intrigued him. If anything, you reminded him of himself. No one had been there when he had struggled. He might as well change that for you—nobody but you needed to know.

“Swimming is not hard, my dear.” You heard him say. Your heart skipped a beat.

“It’s just… I don’t… want the others to know.”

“I figured that. Meet me at the pool after dark.”

Your eyes widened. You nodded, giving him a timid smile before disappearing inside to change your clothes.

-

As promised, as soon as the sun had disappeared beyond the horizon, you slipped back into your bikini, grabbed a towel and sneaked back outside onto the vast terrace of the compound. The pool was quiet, almost eerie at this hour of the day, the surface glistening in the moonlight. And it somewhat… felt unreal.

Loki, God of Mischief, who despised pretty much everyone in the compound, wanted to teach you how to swim. He had saved you today, without making a scene, without laughing at you or calling you out. You hoped you had been right about him. Deep inside, he must have had a good heart.

“Loki? Are you here?” You whispered. You were worried of course that it had all been a joke, that he had lied to you, mocked you. But somehow… somehow you couldn’t believe that. The sparkling in his blue eyes had been so genuine when he had offered you his help…

Behind you, someone chuckled. You turned on your heel, facing Loki wearing no more than his black swimming trunks. He looked outrageously handsome in the moonlight, his raven hair complimenting the rather pale skin. You swallowed.

“Hey…”

“Come.” Loki smirked—and apparently, wasted no time.

You giggled. You must have looked so stupid climbing into the water and clinging onto the God of Mischief like a monkey. Skin against skin… only now did you realise how excited this whole situation made you—how fast it made your heart beat.

“Now… Hold on to the ladder and let me show you how to move your legs.” You feared it would be difficult to watch him in the dark but it was surprisingly easy. With a concentrated expression, you mimicked his movements and did the same with your arms after, all the while he held you around the middle to keep your head above water.

“Tell me, is it hard?” He asked.

“No…?”

“No. I want you to lean forward now and do what I have just taught you.”

“I will sink!”

“I will hold you. I am not letting go. Do it. There is no need to worry.” He insisted.

Taking a deep breath, you nodded. Oddly, with Loki by your side, you felt… safe. Even when your movements became too hectic out of fear and your head dipped underwater briefly before he pulled you right up again.

“Easy, my dear.” He was so gentle… so unlike you knew him… or at least… how you thought you knew him. Was this what the real Loki was like, when he opened up? You could get used to that.

“Try again.” He ordered softly. You obliged, focusing hard to combine the arm and leg movements he had taught you. And this time… this time it worked. You were swimming. Well, more or less. Your body was gliding in the water all the while Loki protectively held you by the waist.

“Now that wasn’t so difficult, was it? With a little practise, you will be swimming in no time.”

“Oh my God… I can do it! I can do it, Loki!”

“That I can see, my dear.” He smirked. And maybe that was when something inside you snapped and you leaned forward to press a light kiss on his cheek. The God of Mischief was so surprised he almost jerked away.

“Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to… I mean, I just… thank you. Why did you… I mean… why did you help me?”

Loki hesitated, his blue eyes locking with yours. “Let us say you are… interesting, as opposed to the others.”

You giggled once more. You were pretty sure he meant that as a compliment.

“That might sound… a little weird now but would you… would you like to have a drink with me sometime?” You longed to get to know him better. In but a single night, Loki had shown you his real face. The one he seemed to keep locked away in his heart so no one could hurt him anymore.

Loki chuckled darkly in response Yes, he figured. He liked you. There was something about you that was oddly intriguing, after all. He would do well to find out what it was in the upcoming nights.

“Is that what Midgardians like you would call… courting?” He teased. Your eyes widened.

“Um… well… I don’t know, I… if you don’t… I mean, I just…” You swallowed thickly, fighting to find the right words.

Loki’s smirk grew even wider.

“Yes. I would.”

 -

A/N: If you enjoyed this story, I would be flattered if you supported me on KoFi! kofi.com/sserpente

[dgcatanisiri]

*sigh*

I’m complaining here and just need to vent.

I will NEVER understand how people can cite TLJ as flawless, the best of the trilogy, the best Star Wars period... Absolutely NEVER.

Well, I can understand SOME audiences, given how it refocuses its time, focus, and attention on the white boy they can woobify, rather than the women or people of color in its cast, but... The people I often hear this from are people who supposedly are conscious of the issues of representation. Who argue against the rise of fascists and authoritarians, but then turn around and call Kylie Ron a character who deserved better.

Maybe it’s who you think is the main character of the trilogy - I came out of TFA, and I saw Finn and Rey as the central characters, and, really, in that order. FINN was the character that the plot hinged on. His choices drove the plot advancements - he chose not to fire, he chose to escape, he chose to go back for Rey, he chose to take up that lightsaber, he was making active choices through the plot, so that while it was Rey who had the climactic final fight of the movie, it was still sparked because of Finn’s actions. Rey mattered to the story, but Finn advanced it with his choices.

So to have TLJ sideline him, knock him down from his position as the leading man of this trilogy to a comedic C-plot that even those who LIKED TLJ say was a bit of a plot tumor... That’s an unforgiveable sin. To do that WHILE elevating Kylie Ron to the position it kicked him out of, to make HIM the leading man, after introducing him to us with mass slaughter and the murder of Han Solo? That is, in my view, unconscionable. That is saying we reward being a neo-natsee. Based on his actions in TLJ and TRoS, that is saying that a last second change of heart is all it takes to become a hero, even after years of evil and fascism, without actually TRYING to make a genuine difference or owning what had been done.

Like, yeah, I’m a fan of Anakin Skywalker, but I am fully aware that, once he submits to Palpatine, he has crossed the line and cannot just casually come back from what he’s done. It’s not that his redemption came at the cost of his life, it’s that redemption IN LUKE’S EYES came at the cost of his life. Luke believed in that good, but to the galaxy at large? To LEIA, his daughter? He will always be Vader. Luke may make a distinction, but he’s probably the only one who would. And yet, when I look at how much TLJ wants us to sympathize with Kylie, it is trying to present him as teetering between light and dark - when the climax of the last movie was him making a decision between them.

Unfortunately, we in general have this habit of not just believing that villainous, antagonistic characters can and should be redeemed, we also want to justify the sunk cost we have put into these ideas. Some people do deserve redemption. But the other side to that coin is that some DON’T. Some people make their choices and must live with them. More importantly, even if they say that they want to change, their victims are NEVER under any obligation to accept their redemption. 

But that’s what TLJ wants us to do - to believe in the idea of redemption, even as it makes it clear that Kylie doesn’t even WANT it. He MAKES his choices. But, because those among THE AUDIENCE want his redemption, that ends up being guaranteed by the narrative itself. Of course we’ll redeem him by the end of the trilogy, don’t worry. You can downplay everything he’s done, you can reinterpret his actions as self-defense or consented to, you can ignore the damage he does to the actual heroes, you can reframe everything to believe he was always the true hero of this trilogy, don’t concern yourself with all the things we’ve established that he did knowingly and intentionally that are evil, we’re just going to pretend that the things that happened on screen didn’t happen.

And I haven’t even started on the logistical issues - I’ve been over before how the First Order of TFA and the First Order of TLJ are two different organizations in terms of scope, scale, and power, how Holdo is a bad leader who Poe was right to act against, how the “Rey Nobody” “reveal” was done more to subvert the audiences expectations rather than give this character a genuine arc and emotional catharsis... I’ve made this post long enough as is, look through my “the last jedi critical” tag for more details on my problems with all of that.

TLJ is a mess. It’s a standalone film shoved into a trilogy, and any problems someone may have with The Rise of Skywalker? Can be traced back to the way that this movie left things. I can only hope time will be more and more unforgiving with it, because it is the place this trilogy derails.

[madmaudlingoes]

No man is a failure who has comrades

Last night we had Christmas with my MIL, which involves watching It’s a Wonderful Life and then as many versions of A Christmas Carol as we can find. (Muppets > all others, btw.)

It’s weird that some of America’s most beloved Christmas movies aren’t about Jesus or Santa, right? It’s weird that they contain such an implicit critique of capitalism?

I mean, it’s not a hardcore critique. Scrooge and Potter are both exemplars of greed, the Cratchitts and the Baileys of poverty, but both stories seem to conclude that problem isn’t a system that allows such monstrous inequality but the personal morality of the rich and powerful. George Bailey is also a capitalist, but a “bad” one, who puts kindness ahead of the B&L’s profit margin.

(Though apparently the FBI totally thought that Potter was deliberate Communist propaganda designed to stir up a hatred of bankers. It’s also interesting that Potter’s plot to ruin George unravels without Potter actually getting punished. He just steals eight grand and gets away with it. That’s a violation of the Hayes Code, that is.)

Charles Dickens was absolutely writing from a “fuck capitalism” perspective, and most film adaptations leave out some of the preachiest parts. Frank Capra was absolutely not intending to write anything anti-capitalist -- dude was a conservative who hated FDR and was obsessed with the American Dream and the idea of the self-made man. And yet the movie gives us lines like this:

Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you're talking about... they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? 

::cups hands around mouth:: WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY MR. POTTER. GET BENT

As @lofrothepirate pointed out to me, the state is pretty much absent in both stories -- we never see the mayor of Bedford Falls, and while Scrooge famously mentions taxes, the only people trying to actually improve the lives of the working class are Beaker and Honeydew the rich guys soliciting charitable donations from other rich guys. George Bailey was apparently born with an unshakable sense to duty to others, even as his personal ambitions curdle unfulfilled; Ebenezer Scrooge learns a kind of noblesse oblige under the threat of eternal damnation. It’s all about personal virtue, not structural remedies. Having a dictator wouldn’t be so bad if we could ensure it was always a “good” dictator, right?

And yet. The stories are mirror images in a lot of ways: Potter and Scrooge are both landlords, though we never really get into Potter’s head beyond George’s description of a “warped, frustrated old man;” he’s almost more of an abstract emblem of Vice than an actual character. Bob Cratchitt (and even moreso, Tiny Tim) is just the opposite, a walking icon of Virtue in the face of all hardship; George breaks down, lashes out at others, and has to call the divine suicide hotline. Scrooge has to speedrun empathy and face the threat of eternal damnation to change his ways, while George just has to be reminded of the fact that he cares about other people to free him from the Lonely break him out of his spiral.

(Also, the single most hilarious part of the film is the abject horror everyone holds of Mary becoming a spinster librarian. MY GOD, ANYTHING BUT THAT.)

Another thing that sticks out is that, despite the dystopian world being called Pottersville, Mr. Potter himself is completely absent -- there’s no scene where George passes him on the street or runs up to his mansion to see him lighting his cigars with wads of burning cash. All of the suffering Potter has caused is not actually attributed to Potter, but to George’s absence. And nobody ever does realize he stole the money. In parallel, the ghosts force Scrooge to confront how other people talk about him in his absence -- both in the present (his nephew makes fun of him, Emily Cratchitt cusses him out) and the future (people joke about his death, in contrast to the genuine grief the Cratchitts feel over Tiny Tim). But all the bullshit they witness IS Scrooge’s fault, if only as sins of omission, and he tries to make amends.

And finally, the epilogues: Scrooge is transformed from a miser into a philanthropist, while George is consumed with love for his community instead of a dreary sense of duty. Scrooge spends money, while George recognizes the power of solidarity friendship when half the town shows up to “loan” him the missing money. Which somehow nullifies the warrant and obviates the inevitable fraud investigation? Like, the bank examiner and the sheriff are right there, they know that there’s still an $8k error in the books. But LOOK PAPA THE BELL IS RINGING SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT AND NEVER BROUGHT TO MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND

Ahem. If Christmas Carol is about “the rich must be supernaturally terrorized into acting right,” then Wonderful Life is “local man cannot ask for help without literal divine intervention.” They’re both ultimately populist with a soft Social Democrat slant, and yet they’re the staple Christmas movies of the modern American kleptocracy. Also, Christmas Carol fetishizes the specialness of Christmas to a degree not seen outside of a Hallmark movie, usually, whereas Life is almost incidentally a holiday movie at all.

It’s weird, right?

[irinapaleolog]

Revising Rey's origin story from The Last Jedi turned Disney’s Star Wars sequel trilogy into a mere rehash of George Lucas' original trilogy.

Today marks the three-month anniversary, counting Thursday previews, of the domestic debut of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. Come what may, the film ended up with $516 million domestic and $1.074 billion worldwide. Walt Disney and Lucasfilm’s’ Star Wars sequel may be the last Hollywood blockbuster we’re going to see for a (very long?) while. With folks rewatching (or seeing for the first time) the J.J. Abrams and Chris Terrio film via electronic sell-through for the last week, I suppose it’s safe to really dig into the film’s most frustrating plot twist. The film’s biggest problem is that it’s not well-made (I’ll charitably blame a rushed production), but the big reveal about Rey’s infamous parentage does nothing less than render the entire new Star Wars sequel entirely redundant.

There are two key take ways from the key plot reveal, in relation to Rey’s past, that are dropped into the halfway point of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. First, contrary to what we were told in Star Wars: The Last Jedi, her parents weren’t explicitly nobodies. Her father was the son (be it via cloning or otherwise) of Emperor Sheev Palpatine, making her Palpatine’s granddaughter (or at least the granddaughter of Palpatine’s clone, if you go by the recently-released novelization). The second reveal was that her parents weren’t heartless drunks who sold her into slavery for drinking money. They in-fact “sold you to protect you” and gave their lives to hide Rey from those in the First Order who sought to bring the child to grandad.

These revelations, whether they were intended as such during The Force Awakens or were intentional walk backs after the online outcry (at least in some circles) over The Last Jedi, don’t just retcon the reveals from Rian Johnson’s Star Wars VIII. They also negate the overall story arcs being told in Disney’s new Star Wars trilogy while frankly failing to understand what made George Lucas’ infamous Empire Strikes Back twist so devastating in the first place. Moreover, by trading the “you’re nobody, you’re nothing” reveal in the second film for the “you have his power” retcon in the third flick, Rise of Skywalker trades genuine surprise for a plot turn that almost everyone predicated, relatively speaking, moments after seeing Force Awakens in December of 2015.

Pretty much everyone assumed that Rey had some kind of famous or infamous parentage way back in late 2015, because, for better or worse, the most famous plot twist in the Star Wars saga involved the lead hero being the long-lost (?) son of the main bad guy. Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) had only heard stories about his heroic father, including eventually stories of his heroic death at the hands of Darth Vader. So the revelation at the conclusion of The Empire Strikes Back wasn’t just a “Oh, wow!” plot twist, it was one that specifically acted like a knife to the gut to Luke Skywalker specifically because of his hopes, dreams and ideas about his family and his destiny. His father was A) alive and B) actually the galaxy’s arch-villain.

While I’m assuming The Empire Strikes Back didn’t invent that plot twist, it certainly popularized the “you’re actually related to the bad guys” thing as a shock reveal. It has been used and re-used in everything from Spectre to Scream 3 to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 to The LEGO Ninjago Movie to The Mortal Instruments. It may have been shocking in The Empire Strikes Back, it couldn’t help but be repetitive in The Rise of Skywalker because it was essentially the exact same plot turn. This time, we find out that Rey (Daisy Ridley) is related to the ultimate force of evil in the galaxy… again. I’m no fan of the “Rey is a Kenobi or a Skywalker” theories, but at least those would have been different.

The reason the reveal in The Last Jedi worked as well as it did for that specific story (and specific trilogy) is because of how it impacted the character in question. Rey was someone who desperately wanted to believe that she had family who loved her and would eventually return to her, and that she would indeed have some grand role to play beyond mere existence. Alas, as Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) spells out, confirming her own deep-seated knowledge, she was a nobody, with no destiny and no famous parentage. Moreover, and this is key, her family didn’t even love her. Any destiny or heroic role that she might play would have to come from her own choices and decisions. Even her Force abilities were a combination of luck and skill.

Luke Skywalker’s “No, I am your father” reveal was the worst possible news Luke could get about who his father actually was. Ditto Rey, who wanted to be loved and wanted affirmation that she was on a path, discovered that she was a nobody loved by no one in the galaxy beyond perhaps a few acquaintances (Finn, Leia Organa, the late Han Solo, etc.) who she had met days earlier. The reveal that she was A) the granddaughter of a very important person and B) that her parents loved her negated the very thing that made her character stand out, while acting as a less devastating revelation. Like much of Rise of Skywalker, the “Rey is a Palpatine” reveal meant more to the audience than to the characters.

Without arguing that Rey has an obligation to be a (fictional/fantasy) role model, the character went from an absolute nobody who happened to have special skills and abilities to someone with famous lineage whose power came from a famous man. Moreover, it negates the idea that you can be a good/heroic person even with no famous lineage or even if you come from a broken, unloving and/or dysfunctional family unit. “Rey from nowhere” is now “Rey Palpatine whose parents totally loved her after all.” To the extent that she might have inspired kids from broken homes (or, relatively speaking, low economic status) to dream bigger and aspire to more, that’s out the window. She’s another female superhero whose power/heroism comes from her famous/important/gifted male patriarchal figure.

Moreover, if we compare the arcs of Rey and Kylo Ren, the Last Jedi reveal makes more yin-yang sense. Rey was an abandoned orphan, unloved by anyone, who nonetheless grew up to be a great hero. Meanwhile, Kylo was the child of royalty (the child of Han Solo and Leia Organa), surrounded by a loving family (including a weird uncle who might be a cult leader) who still became a force for great evil/a mass murderer. Kylo had all the advantages while Rey had nothing and nobody. The Rise of Skywalker reveal negates this, since we now know that both Rey and Kylo belonged to a famous family tree and had loving and/or famous parents who (eventually) gave their lives so that their kids could live.

Rey being an unloved nobody was meant to differentiate the core hero of this new trilogy from those who came before it, while providing a different kind of “you are still valuable if…” affirmation to those inclined to be inspired by fictional/fantastical heroes (and villains). Rey being revealed as a Palpatine was meant to make her similar to Luke Skywalker and (intentionally or not) affirm the notion that A) only people with important parents or innate talents can be important, B) you can only be special if your parents love you and C) a female hero can only be special if they got their power from a man. Again, it arguably means more to the stereotypical audience member than it does to the characters.

We now have one Star Wars trilogy which charts the fall of Anakin Skywalker (a nobody with special gifts who becomes evil) and another that charts the rise of Luke Skywalker (a young man of infamous lineage who becomes a hero). By not keeping Rey a “nobody,” The Rise of Skywalker both misses the chance to compare her story with Anakin’s (both were nobodies with strong Force powers) and renders her story merely a repeat of Luke’s (a young person of infamous lineage who becomes a hero). Chris Terrio and JJ Abrams retrofitted Rey’s backstory so as to make her almost identical to Luke Skywalker. It is less surprising, making Rey interesting as a role model and less engrossing compared to her villainous rival/love interest.

Batman Begins showed the “rise” of Batman while The Dark Knight saw him “fall.” The Dark Knight Rises saw him “rise” again since the franchise required a now-standard trilogy capper even as The Dark Knight essentially concluded the story. Ditto The Godfather, which had a first film chronicling the rise of Michael Corleone and the fall of Don Corleone and a sequel that (in different time periods) showed the practical rise of a young Don and the moral fall of Michael. Godfather Part III merely showed him “falling” yet again. The final status of Rey “Skywalker” turned the third Star Wars trilogy into an odd man/woman out in a two-part saga that already traces a rise/fall of core protagonists. Let’s hope Mamma Mia 3 avoids the same fate.

[inanawesomewave]

IT’S OKAY TO EAT FISH ‘CAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE ANY FEELINGS

The thing about ASPD is, especially if you have a diagnosis, the people you deal with (and the people who are involved in your “care”, whatever that looks like), buy the Hollywood rumour that sociopaths, psychopaths, antisocials (oh my!), have no feelings whatsoever. You might find yourself keeping your diagnosis a secret because of what it will do to your relationships, and in the past I’ve been quite vocal about why the opposite should be true, that you should reveal it, own it and explain it to the people you love so that they can understand what it clinically and personally means, and see that the stereotypes and fictional portrayals are indeed sensational and woefully innacurate.  Today, I think I might have changed my mind. You see, people talk a lot about emotional labour. This term originally stemmed from the idea that if you work a low paid job where you deal with the public (retail, catering, etc), you shouldn’t have to perform any kind of emotion that you don’t want to. You’re not being paid enough, you shouldn’t have to smile, ignore racism, ignore homophobia, shrug off transphobia, etc. In short, emotional labour means giving emotions when you are not required to. The expectation is what makes the demand for emotional labour egregious. Emotional labour does not mean a friend coming to you for advice or support and you tell them they’ll need to pay you. In a previous post I’ve written about why it’s particularly offensive to uphold a certain catch 22: I DON’T BELIEVE SOCIOPATHS HAVE ANY FEELINGS // I NEED SOCIOPATHS TO GIVE ME THEIR FEELINGS OR I’LL DEMONISE THEM. Nonsensical, stupid, absolutely irrational. But what does emotional labour mean for sociopaths? Unfortunately, I think I’ve been encouraging it and I’d like to put a stop to it now. If you are self-aware, and you are trying to work on your personality disorder, what I’m about to say might well apply to you. This is not a post for people with maladaptive behaviours that result in abuse, and this post is not and will never be an excuse to behave in ways that harm others. I’m talking to antisocials who are trying, assimilating, and giving at least the facade of empathy even when there’s a dearth of it, because we want to fit in, and show our loved ones that we love them -- because we can indeed feel love, and we are loyal. If you read this and think it’s a green-light to be manipulative, sadistic, cruel or hostile, then you’ve read it wrong. Here goes. Don’t tell people about your personality disorder. Because that’s emotional labour.  If you tell people who you are - *gasp* what you are - you will spend too much of your time explaining why what you just did or said was not in fact a manipulation. You will attempt to approach someone with a problem you have, and that person already has an excuse not to listen to you, and that excuse is “you’re a sociopath”. You can have real concerns, real feelings, be genuinely hurt by something, but the person you have told about your ASPD will be thinking, “this is not my fault. They’re lying to me.”. Because a peculiar thing about ASPD, is it makes sociopaths out of other people. People love the idea of being a sociopath, they’d be overjoyed if they could have psychopathy for just one week of their lives. The difference between sociopaths etc and nons, is that we know what we are about. The only thing separating us from them is inhibition -- we don’t care to uphold it. We don’t have it there, it’s missing, and clinically that’s seen as a negative symptom (when a symptom of your mental illness takes something away from normal functioning, in this case, empathy). But look at any action film, horror films, thrillers -- we are either revelling in the wicked glory of the psychopathic villain, or we are giving a hero an excuse to be a psychopath. Either way, we’re gripped, and we can’t get enough. James Bond, John Wick, any other heroic lead you can name -- we have watched them qualify their own psychopathy. Vengeance, obligation, power, it’s all the same. The difference between sociopaths and nons, is we don’t go all around the houses finding an excuse to stop caring. We started out not caring and that’s good news for those we love - it means we put effort into caring and loving every minute of every day to prove ourselves to you. When we love you, we’ve overcome something to love you. We’re loving you despite our childhood traumas telling us it’s not safe to love. When we love, or even adore, we are doing so against our better judgement. We are prising open the lion’s mouth and sticking our head in it every single day, so we can love you. It’s like being afraid of heights, but the person you love is a pilot. You get in the plane, you are terrified the whole time, but you do it. Sociopaths are getting on the plane for you. And there’s trust involved. We don’t trust anyone. We don’t think it’s wise or beneficial to trust, we don’t like to need anyone, we rarely like to feel needed. We don’t empathise because empathy at some point has proven itself to be incredibly damaging, we’ve been punished for it, normally before we could even talk. We don’t like to give any part of ourselves up, because when we have as children, it’s ended in exploitation, drama, violence and pain. So when we love you, we fucking love you. And we’ll be loyal. To a point. But loving a sociopath doesn’t mean skirting around what you perceive to be transgressions, or scouring for the evil in our every single action. We’ve made you some breakfast? Enjoy the breakfast! We worked out what you’d probably like because we listened to you, we worked it out, we love you, and so we know you. We didn’t make you breakfast to use it against you later and if you think that, then you don’t love your partner.  Conversely, if you’ve upset us, then we’ll be upset. You know, like humans sometimes are. And we’ll come to you with that, because we love you. In the past we might have hidden it, pretended it wasn’t there, turned it into something else like rage or uncontrollable impulses to cheat, spend money, commit some kind of act of dominance. If we’re not doing that with you it’s because we’re very tired and you’re the person we’ve decided to be open in front of. If we come to you with something we’re upset by, it’s not a clever manipulation to keep you in your place. If you feel manipulated with no evidence or consequence of manipulation whatsoever, that’s on you. You don’t trust your partner.  And more and more I’ve found myself wanting to champion the idea that we can finally restructure what people think of when they think of ASPD, but now? You don’t have to waste your time, and I support your decision to keep it quiet, because revealing it requires ongoing, painful and resentful emotional labour. I will warn you: you will have to justify your every action, your every sentence, your every movement, as not being evil or cruel. Everything you do will be noticed as future evidence of your badness, and if you’d never said anything, these things would go unnoticed.  People can help the way they view sociopaths but they’d rather not. As I said, people need an excuse to be sociopathic themselves. And sometimes the best, most validating and most iron-clad defence a non can use to justify coldness, a lack of empathy and paranoia?  “It’s not my fault. They’re a sociopath.” Keep it to yourself. Live freely. Fuck that noise. Does love exist? Of course it does. Does it exist in someone believing all you are is a personality disorder? No it doesn’t. Love somebody else, or love nobody. But don’t love anyone who demands this much ongoing emotional labour. We’ve all had shit childhoods. We don’t need to be reminded of our trauma. 

[hiyo-silver]

"What's Up You Guys It's Me, Bdenbrough!"

Summary: Bill Denbrough is nine years old. He makes a YouTube channel to try and be more outgoing, and through his journey on YouTube his transition is evident.

A/N: this chapter starts with him not knowing he’s trans yet, it’s introducing elements of his character and also his relationship to the others.

AO3 + My Masterlist

Taglist: @fuckboykaspbrak @thesquidliesthuman @starboystan @rachi0964 @shewasthewind @beepbeep-losers @bigbilliamdenbro @jalenrose1122 @sleepygaybrough @itandstrangerthingsfanfic @boopboopbichie @peachywyatt

Bill tucks his hair behind his ear, sighing at how long it's getting again. He plops on his desk chair in front of his camera, stacked upon several r.l. Stine books to be level with his face. He props his feet up on the desk thoughtfully, taking a breath to soothe himself, realizing how daunting this is.

He looks at his spiral notebook on his desk, open to the page that reads "50 Questions Tag," in his messy, penciled in handwriting. He picks it up impatiently and clears his throat, pressing the on button on the old family camera.

"H-hello! Fuck. Welcome to m-my channel! I'm bdenbrough and I g-guess I'm your host h-here. Today I'm d-doing the f-fifty questions tag as m-my first video even though n-nobody asked me to," he shrugs precariously and looks down at the paper.

He clears his throat again as his own transition. "Where w-were you three hours a-ago?" He reads off, tapping his chin thoughtfully, "At the q-quarry- I th-think? Eddie was there and we found a g-garden snake! Richie said it's weird I l-liked it because girls aren't s-supposed to like slimey things b-but guess what, Richie? Snakes aren't even slimey! Just scaley!" He chuckles to himself, drawing his eyes down to the next line, "Question two," he prompts.

"Wh-who am I i-in love with?" He reads off with a small frown, "N-nobody! I'm too y-young f-for that, and b-boys are gross!" He jokes, making a sour face to add to his point.

"H-have you ever eaten a crayon?" Bill chuckles to himself, running his hands through his hair, awkwardly catching in a tangle near the end. "Uh. I pr-prefer that you guys m-make that assumption yourself," he chuckles to himself. "I-it was a d-dare- thanks Eddie, he'd n-never say he dared m-me though," he adds with a whisper.

"Is th-there anything pink within t-ten feet of you?" He reads, spinning in his chair around to look around. "Uhhh- m-my new church dress, d-don't tell m-my mom but I hate it. And a-also a l-lot of things o-on my bed and i-in my closet probably."

"L-last time you went t-to the mall?" He looks, staring into the window behind the camera as he thinks, sticking his tongue out slightly in concentration. "A wh-while ago- s-saw a movie there with m-my friends," he remembers finally, pointing at the camera excitedly as he does.

"Are y-you wearing socks right n-now? Uh yeah, r-right here under m-my sandals," he jokes, bringing up his leg to reveal that he's wearing strappy sandals, no socks under them though, already showcasing his sarcastic sense of humor.

"Does y-your family have a c-car worth o-over $2,000? T-to hell if I know," he shrugs, flipping the page to the next page of his "script".

He spins around in his chair once, obviously getting distracted by doing the same thing for so long. He takes a moment to reconvene, reading off the next one. "Question s-seven," he starts, squinting his eyes at his own bad handwriting.

"When was th-the last time you were o-out of town? Well I l-leave Derry e-every Thursday for sp-speech therapy," he says with a theatrical shrug.

"Have you b-been to a movie in th-the past f-five days?" He thinks for a moment, his tongue going back out thoughtfully, counting back the days since he and Richie and Stan and Eddie had seen a movie at the mall, "N-nope, it's been o-over a week I'd say," he finally answers.

"Are you h-hot?" He looks at the camera awkwardly and blinks a few times slowly, running his hands through his hair so it lands behind his ear again. "Y-yeah? I m-mean our air conditioning is br-broken and it's the m-middle of summer," he finally decides on answering.

"Last th-thing you had to drink?" He ponders for a moment, knowing that thinking so long about this probably means he's dehydrated. "Oh! Th-this morning m-my mom made lemonade- she n-never makes it s-sour enough."

"What are you w-wearing right now?" Bill looks down at himself, "Uhhh sh-shirt from... Justice? Fr-from my aunt I th-think," he muses, "And a-a-a-a," he sighs deeply at his inability to apparently get that word out, "d-denim skirt from who kn-knows," he shrugs as he turns the page.

"Do I w-wash my car or g-get a car wash?" He smirks to himself at the answer he considers. "I m-mean, Eddie and St-Stan already insist on Clorox wiping R-Richie's Hot Wheels so," he shrugs, pleased with himself for the additional irony. He doesn't usually talk this way- so openly and humorously all at once. He thinks he likes it so far, but he'll have to keep up with it.

"Last f-food you ate? Richie's m-mom made us turkey s-sandwiches, she's r-really nice, I help h-her with the dishes sometimes," Bill says, flashing the camera a winning smile, he likes to feel useful, and Maggie never ceases to have something for him to do when he wants to do something.

"Wh-where was I- this t-time last week? I have n-no clue and n-no desire t-to sit and th-think about it," he chuckles to himself, grabbing his pencil off his desk clumsily to cross the question out aggressively.

"Have y-you bought new clothing i-in the past week? Uh y-yeah, the nasty Church dr-dress my mom got me, it's a-all pink and fr-frilly- wait lemme g-get it!" He says scrambling up to grab it from the hook on his dresser door, holding it against himself for the camera, "Look! It's disgusting!" He whisper yells, running to go put it back as fast as he'd gotten it.

"L-last time you r-ran? Richie w-was chasing after m-me, tag, E-Eddie got him and then I h-had to make a run for it b-because he was really cl-close to where I was," he says, letting the exhilaration of the moment translate into his storytelling.

"Last sp-sport you watched?" He thinks to himself, not a fan of watching organized sports for the most part, "I a-actually don't kn-know, maybe a b-basketball g-game at the high school," he shrugs, flipping the page of his notebook again.

"Favorite animal? A dog! O-or a cat! Or am I o-obligated to s-say a hamster b-because I have one? H-his name is cheese and my dad says he's a l-little rascal just like I am," Bill says, beaming as if he takes it as the most sincere of compliments.

"Dream v-vacation?" He reads, sighing when he realizes he doesn't know, he stares just next to the camera and out the window as he thinks, hearing the door open behind him after a while.

"You done?" A small voice asks before a sprout of blond hair appears before the small boy attached to it. "Said you'd read me a story," the small voice adds, looking timid in Bill's presence.

Bill looks frustrated at first but softens, walking over and trying to lift the boy up by under his armpits, the toddler's shirt riding up awkwardly as they waddle back to the desk chair, "Th-this is my brother, h-his name is G-Georgie, he's a little rascal t-too," Bill chuckles, showing off the small boy to the camera, proud of having him no matter how much he continuously denies it to his friends.

"N-now get off m-my frame you a-hole!" Bill exclaims, shoving him out of the camera's view gently, "I'll tell you wh-when I'm done," he tells him as the younger boy trudges off quietly.

"S-sorry about that!" He says to the camera, "Question tw-twenty one," he says, taking a breath in preparation. "Whose house w-were you at last?Richie's! Wh-when his mom made us sandwiches a-after the quarry today!" He says excitedly at the memory, giving the camera a toothy smile without even meaning to, completely genuine.

"Worse i-injury you've e-ever had?" He reads, pretending to ponder to make himself seem more interesting despite his life of usually just skinned knees and elbows and mosquito bites when he stays out late.

He finally starts his story, looking at the ceiling in trying to remember what he's been told of this story. "I w-was three? I th-think? I was b-being dumb, and I g-got myself wacked b-by a car. I w-was unconscious for s-seven hours," he reports, not having much emotion tied to this story, not remembering a wink of it.

"M-mom says it's h-how I got m-my stutter- but how w-would she know? I h-hardly talked b-before I was three?" He chuckles, jiggling his leg as his filming energy returns. He'd call it filming energy but really, it's "being nine years old" energy.

"Did you really call your brother an a-hole?" His mother calls up the stairs with a tone that makes Bill flinch. He spins his chair around to the door to be sure she doesn't come. He looks back at the camera.

"Th-this has been bdenbrough, I g-gotta go," he says in a hushed voice before pressing the off button to go deal with his angry mother.

[fairymascot]

WHY ANON (slams desk so hard it splits clean in half) I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED

now, picturing an au where max comes to arcadia bay after five years, rachel's there, no wacky time hijinks ensue and nobody's fucking suffering:

*rachel is genuinely SO hyped to meet max, though admittedly, it's got less to do with max herself and more with what she means to chloe. like, chloe would not shut up about max the whole time she's known her, and she sincerely sounds like such a sweet girl -- but also like the polar opposite of how chloe presents outwardly now. so getting to actually meet that goofy little shutterbug nerd who's owned a piece of chloe's heart since childhood is massively exciting to her. (and of course, gleaning Top Secret childhood info about chloe from her is a great bonus.)

once they meet, rachel's pretty much instantly endeared with her: she's so small and cute and fidgety, like a little pet squirrel! she's really fun to tease and mess with, and her reactions are adorable.

meanwhile, on max's end, her first impression of rachel amber is holy mother of intimidating, batman. chloe's built her up so much beforehand, but it still doesn't compare to actually being in the same room as rachel amber. she's like... electromagnetic. and almost definitely too cool for max to be breathing the same air as her. but she's also so NICE and friendly and not mean or condescending at all. so while max was initially feeling a little sour over chloe's best friend position being filled by someone else, she can't be actually mad about it. it's kind of impossible not to fall in love with rachel amber.

*though max is a little more reserved than rachel's used to, and rachel's way cooler than max is used to, they quickly find they can get a good conversation flow going, talking about art and literature and nerd stuff that chloe tends to zone out during. rachel offers surprisingly insightful commentary on max's photography, which catches her off-guard and makes her kind of embarrassingly fluttery on the inside. 'you should take my picture sometimes,’ she says with a smile. ‘i'm looking into modeling.' 'oh! oh. okay.'

*though rachel really enjoys teasing max, she's also very good at telling where to draw the line and when to pull back. she can see max struggles a bit in social situations with new people, and she wants to make sure that her reactions stay firmly within the 'adorably flustered' camp without crossing over to actual anxiousness. max really appreciates it, and she's kind of awed by it, too -- max is always doing her best to be empathetic and tune into what other people are feeling, but her particular mix of nosinesss and awkwardness can make it hard. to rachel, it just comes effortlessly, and it kind of blows max's mind.

*max feels a little out of place in her first week or two back in arcadia bay. even though chloe has accepted her back with open arms and rachel's been nothing but friendly, she can't shake the feeling that the two of them have so much more in common than she and chloe have now -- she's just this awkward nerd girl, and maybe they're only hanging out with her out of obligation...

though both chloe and rachel notice something's up with her, rachel is the one she ends up confiding in. paradoxically, it's easier to talk about personal stuff like this with someone she doesn't know so well, especially because she's worried that admitting it to chloe would just sound like guilt tripping. rachel proves a very sensitive listener, and instills new confidence in her, too: she tells max about how chloe puts on the pirate mixtape she made her in elementary school at least once a week, and how when they passed by a heap of old toys and summer clothes at the junkyard last month, she framed it with her fingers and went 'man, max would take a black and white picture of this and and call it farewell summertime, or some shit'. 

max feels better after that.

*rachel plays two truths and a lie with max. it is, after all, a time-tested bonding exercise. as chloe predicted, max fucking sucks at this game because she cannot lie to save her ass. she gives two completely mundane truths that no one would ever suspect to be false, then pauses, stares thoughtfully at her shoes, brushes at her hair, and comes up with some shit like 'i have a pet tarantula'. ('i've been to your dorm room, max,' rachel reminds. 'well-- yeah! i mean at home in seattle! my parents are taking care of him now. he's... bad with flights.') she's surprisingly good at picking apart rachel's lie, though, and rachel's impressed with her quiet attentiveness.

'but seriously, though. we gotta teach you how to lie.'

*rachel models for max, because i mean, come on, she’s gotta. max absolutely doesn't want to pass up this chance but she's also freaking out on the inside (and on the outside), because she's never actually worked with a model before -- it's usually just selfies, sceneries and candids. she's really worried it won't come out well and rachel will think less of her for it. she also has a minor heart attack when rachel walks into her room, drops her jacket on the bed, and says 'so is this where i take it all off, or...'

(when max just stares at her in terror, she laughs and says 'kidding, of course'. and the photos turn out really nice! so. all is well.)

*rachel absolutely loves that they're the same size and exploits the shit out of this, swapping outfits with max left and right. she thinks max looks hot as hell in her clothes, and while max can't really see it herself, being praised by rachel feels good. (her clothes always smell really nice, too.) she feels awkward lending rachel her clothes in return, because she has so much style and max really doesn't, but rachel always says 'oh, shush, your style's adorable' and steals all her lame hoodies and geek T-shirts anyway. and somehow makes them look drop-dead gorgeous every time.

*rachel loves dressing max up! she likes dragging her on impromptu shopping sprees, picking out bundles of clothes for her to try on, or just showing up on her doorstep and thrusting a bag into her hands with a 'here, wear this'. she's quick to pick up on max's aesthetic, and always gets stuff that's right up her alley, but just a little bolder than she'd usually think to buy: a bit more colorful, a bit more form-fitting. max finds the experience kind of embarrassing -- she doesn't want rachel to think she's some charity case -- but she can't deny that the outfits rachel pick out look... really good.

also, rachel LOVES matching outfits -- not in tacky over-the-top ways, but stuff like complementary color choices or little matching accessories. max really gets into the accessory thing too, and starts making a habit of gifting rachel goofy little nerd trinkets to match with. i'm talking stuff like this and this and this. rachel puts every last one of these on her keychain until it's considerably more chain than keys.

*in the venn diagram of chloe and max's music tastes, rachel is the overlap. she likes all of chloe's thrashy metal and angry teen angst hymns, and she likes all of max's weepy guitar tunes and cringy pop from 2003. max admittedly never quite outgrew her seventh-grade nsync phase, and rachel is a huge slut for nostalgia shit like that, as well as a huge slut for making chloe suffer. which means that car rides with those three almost inevitably end up sounding like a middle school dance party while chloe grumbles and huffs behind the wheel the whole way.

*they have like a million geeky marathons, staying up all night watching dr who and buffy and lord of the rings. while they're both big fans of the classics, max is the more active fandom-connoisseur of the two, and introduces rachel to a ton of stuff like obscure european sci-fi films, old artsy cinema, and like a metric boatload of anime. max's taste is all over the place and rachel enjoys pretty much all of it, even the outrageously bad stuff, because she has no concept of cringe and if anything just finds the dumb shit more fun. she will enthusiastically watch final fantasy spirits within with max and not even complain once.

she loves seeing max's eyes light up during the parts she likes best, or how animated she gets when she talks about it afterwards, sharing all this background trivia and her interpretations of the stories. max is really glad for the way rachel listens, even about stuff that obviously didn't grab her as much, but sometimes she has to stop and just kind of trail off mid-sentence because rachel's looking at her like she's going to eat her and leaning in and oh.

[seoexpertpk12]

In light of a True Story?

This is a line that should be prohibited from those movies that are genuinely not founded on the real world. The movies that need nothing more for the crowd to accept that there is some measure of truth to them. I realize that many may believe that this is an innocuous practice, yet I contend the opposite. Over and over again individuals are hoodwinked into accepting that a film they just watched depended on occasions that really occurred. In all actuality, nobody is stupid to accept that a film is portraying reality as it occurred. Indeed, even the most committed film to reality takes freedom with reality for diversion esteem. Many accept this additionally to be a fairly new practice. Beginning with The Blair Witch Project and developing from that point. Sadly this training started some time before The Blair Witch Project.

No, shockingly this training started route back with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Not simply the first was blameworthy of this demonstration. Indeed, even the revamp attempts to hoodwink the crowd into accepting that these occasions really occurred. Most of the clever network would not the slightest bit purchase that heap of poo, yet lamentably there are some who keep up right up 'til the present time that cowhide face is still out there. In any event, when the proof is introduced to them, they highlight the movies and the entirety of the phony poo expounded on them that attempt to persuade individuals regarding the movies premise in obvious occasions. To exacerbate the situation, the adherents compose articles about how those occasions occurred. Furthermore, different adherents utilize this as proof to back up their position. Any one acquainted with the film might be amazed to discover that the principle character, Leather Face, was approximately founded on the notable chronic executioner Ed Gein.

In the films Leather Face executes bunches of individuals. As a general rule Ed Gein just admitted to two homicides and was just attempted and sentenced for one. It was the idea of the case that got Gein his reputation as a chronic executioner, despite the fact true stories that actually he doesn't fit the definition. The entirety of the body parts found in his house were credited to his grave ransacking exercises and not individuals he really slaughtered. He had heads, skulls, organs, and different other body parts. He made skin suits and covered his furniture with skin. These grim subtleties are what lead to Gein's popularity.

Next we have the Amityville Horror. This film is professed to be founded on obvious occasions, and it very well might be. I have a sneaking doubt that this is just a cunning story made to assist two individuals with getting monetary difficulties. They purchased a house they couldn't bear or had different obligations, or they just made this story; since they needed to be rich. A sufficient story is worth very much of cash. There are still individuals today who accept that the occasions portrayed in this film are genuine.

Quick forward to the Blair Witch venture. The shooting style of this film is the thing that drives the crowd to accept that there is some sort of truth to the film. That there might be an unassuming community out there with a nearby legend of a witch. Kids disappeared with nothing but bad clarification regarding why. Not many individuals would get tied up with any piece of this film being situated as a general rule, however there are special cases for the standard.

Another later film professing to be founded on some sort of the truth is Paranormal. At the point when you see the review, you ponder internally, "goodness, that looks unnerving". Tragically you at that point watch the film and discover that it is simply a long and exhausting bit of poop. Indeed the crowd is persuade that there is some sort of truth to the film. When in actuality it is simply a reality based film. The way of recording is intended to have a reality, home film feeling. Does stuff like this occur? There is a huge load of proof out there to at any rate persuade in the paranormal. This film does that proof an incredible insult. In my psyche it is an insult to individuals who have managed genuine circumstances including the opposite side.

The latest film, one that motivated this article is known as The Fourth Kind. The film begins with Actress Mila Jovovich asserting that the occasions in the film are genuine and that it was dependent upon us to choose. The film organization, Universal I accept, made a phony site and articles to help make the fantasy that these occasions occurred. The meetings done in a home video style sprinkled all through the film adds to the movies reality. It drives the crowd to accept that the recording is genuine and was taken by a genuine specialist. This genuine film from the genuine story is the thing that enlivened this film. This is the thing that we should accept.

Obviously when you do a bit of burrowing, you discover that there is no therapist, there were no spellbinding meetings that uncovered outsider kidnappings occurring in Nome, Alaska. The FBI was exploring a few cases up that way, however they didn't discover anything strange. Presently I realize that everything could be one major intrigue. The public authority is concealing things, to make us figure these things didn't occur. The reality remains that without proof I can't get tied up with it. All the better I can do is likelihood. It might possibly have occurred. I did the exploration for myself and I found the phony sites, however I didn't discover whatever else about anything in this film that looked acceptable or genuine. This was a decent film, I truly delighted in it. I simply wish they didn't make a decent attempt to sell it as a genuine story.

What these movies should state is Based upon subjects that happen in all actuality, or motivated by occasions that occur on the planet. An excessive number of individuals get tied up with these movies, which doesn't generally hurt anybody. It just makes me insane when I am persuade one thing just to discover that there is no premise actually. At the point when I see a film this way, I not the slightest bit accept that what I am viewing is all fact. I do expect that in any event a couple of the characters in the film really existed.

[drabblesaf]

Bom Bidi Bom - Dylan O'Brien Smut

REQUESTED: No, but I’m very much addicted to this song so why not?

WARNINGS: Orgasm denial, oral (both receiving), hickeys, v slow and sensual, unprotected sex (WRAP BEFORE TAP)

SUMMARY: At a fancy ball Dylan has to attend for the premiere of American Assassin, you run into him and can't seem to keep your hands off him, especially when you both have a history between you two.

NOTES: Based off this song (https://vimeo.com/214547606)

Holy heck I love this so much, and I don't think I’ve ever written for Dyl in general. 

Hope you enjoy!

I was wrong and you were right, If I was yours and you were mine, But it was all good (yeah)

I was thankful about the choice my stylist had made for this party in terms of what I was going to wear. When I say my stylist, I mean my best friend, (Y/B/F/N). But they’d chosen an amazing dress for me, so who was I to even try and complain in any way?

It was black (like my soul) and had a small slit up one side, which finished up at the top of my left thigh, leaving barely anything to the imagination in terms of my underwear. My eyes were smokey and my hair fell in soft curls around my face, and I smiled at myself in the mirror before walking out.

You were gone and I was back And I was good and you were bad But it was all good

The only problem tonight? My ex boyfriend, Dylan, was attending. Things would normally be fine between us, but we’d gotten into a shouting match over this party, and had ultimately stopped talking, even though we were both still going to attend the party.

I guess the outfits really had to look good in order to show one another what was being missed. I shook my head at this thought, and tied on the black lace mask that (Y/B/F/N) had picked out for me to go with my dress. Looking at myself in the mirror, I sorted my hair out and nodded. Go get ‘em, (Y/N).

'Cause I'm an addict, I'm your patient Your lips are the medication Come here baby, yeah, you know just what I want You got that

Walking down the stairs I felt as though I was in a cliché rom-com movie, because sure enough, at the bottom of the steps and with his mouth basically on the floor, was none other than Dylan O’Brien. And my oh my, did he clean up well. His suit was well-fitting, clinging in all the right places. The training he told me he’d been doing before the filming of American Assassin had Domenico wonders to his biceps, and there was nothing more I wanted to do at that point than to take him into a bathroom of this fancy hotel and jump his bones.

But, unlike my conscience, my body actually seemed to have some sense of self-restraint, and so I walked past him with a smirk painted on my lips and no words uttered. The party was fancy and there were some very well-to-do people in attendance, with waiters and waitresses milling about and offering various vol-au-vons and champagne flutes. I accepted an offer of the latter quite thankfully, and sipped slowly as my eyes scanned the room, seeking out the one person I was trying to avoid.

“I thought you said you weren't going to come tonight,” he hissed in my ear as he stood by me, and my breath hitched slightly as I felt his warm breath grace the side of my neck.

“Believe me O’Brien, I never said I wasn't attending, especially when I already accepted the invite.” I stared up at him angrily, and my eyes caught on his honey browns, that were slowly darkening with anger. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I came here to have a good time, get slightly drunk and dance with strangers, and that’s exactly what I plan on doing.”

Bom bidi bom bom bom bode bom Bom bidi bom bom You give me bad, bad love But I love it baby Love me all night long If you want baby, like Bom bidi bom bom bom bode bom Bom bidi bom bom bom 'Cause you're a bad, bad girl But I love it baby Love me all night long If you want baby, yeah Bom bodi bom bode bode bom bom Bom bodi bom bode bode bom bom Bom bodi bom bode bode bom bom Bom bodi bom bode bode bom bom

I danced to the slow song that had come on the speakers, swaying alone at first, but soon was joined by a familiar set of arms that wrapped around my body. “I thought you didn't want to see me or touch me again because I repulsed you?” 

“Shut up, (Y/N),” he breathed down my neck, nipping slightly and eliciting a quiet moan from my mouth. Smirking, he turned me around to face him, his eyes now seemingly clouded over with lust. “Glad I still have a certain effect on you baby girl, but I wonder how many other guys have been with you, have touched you, since me? How many other guys have gained the same response from you as I have just now? Hmm?”

I sighed softly against his chest, whispering a “nobody” against his muscles. To any outsider, we just looked like a couple, once more seemingly comfortable with each other. But in actuality, we just had a mass of sexual tension that clouded our emotions, and his fingers finding their way between my own was enough to bring me further away from reasonable thought.

You played it front, I played it back You be the first, I be the last I call it good love, yeah Every kiss and every touch It's like a hit ain't enough I call it good love

As soon as the door shut to his room, I was pressed up against it, his mouth warm against my own as our tongues fought for dominance. This was the kind of thing I missed between us, just the sensual nature of our activities, the fact that not every single part of our lives was a rush when it came to sex.

His hand slipped up to lower the zip on my dress, sliding it down my chest slowly, the other hand tangling itself in my hair, pulling softly. Once my dress was off, he broke away, looking over my body, clad in lacy black lingerie. “Fuck, baby girl, have you been wearing this the whole night? It's going to have to go soon, I hope you don't mind that.”

“Just do something already Dyl,” I said breathily, and he obliged, removing my bra quickly and dropping it to the ground, before attaching his lips to each nipple in turn, giving them the attention I was craving much more in my core. I started to guide his head down slightly, before he removed it completely and pulled me onto the bed.

[...]

Yo, b-b-b-b-bye, b-b-b-b-bye He said, if he can't hit my bullseye, he'd rather die He put it on me better than any other guy He said, he need a bad bitch with an alibi Yo, give me the muny, the yen and the pesos Sext me on the beach in Turks and Caicos I give him that work, that twerk, that slay hoes Sippin' Grey Goose, and pushin' that grey ghost

He pulled my panties down agonisingly slowly, bringing his mouth to swipe a single stripe over my clit. My breath shook slightly as my hands formed fists. “Fuck, Dyl, right there.” More swipes followed, and with them came fingers that curled inside me, forming a “come hither” motion inside me until I came closer and closer to my climax before he moved away.

I glared at him, and he chuckled. “You didn't think I was going to let you come that easy babygirl?” I sighed, pulling his shirt and trousers off him, coming face to face with his boxers. The outline of his cock was clearly visible through the material, and my mouth watered slightly at the sight. I pulled his boxers down slowly, the same speed he had worked on my panties, causing him to hiss softly. 

Uh, assume the position when you see a bad one The D so good, he just got it and 1 I'm about to blow, and I ain't talking Samsung I'm about to show him what I do with that tongue

My hand slowly grasped his member as it twitched to attention, allowing another hiss to escape his lips. “Fucking hell angel, you really do still have an effect on me after all this time. Keep sucking, that’s right. Fuck,” he murmured, throwing his head back in ecstasy as I swirled my tongue over his tip, collecting the precum that had begun to form there. Just like him, however, as he came close to his release, I pulled away, causing him to glare at me. 

“Payback is a bitch, huh, O’Brien?” I smirked, and he pulled me into a rough kiss, slowly entering inside me. I sighed softly, and he smiled against my lips. There were no other sounds in that room apart from hushed moans and staggered breathing until we both reached our release. 

Afterwards, we just lay in bed together, me wrapped up in his arms, kissing him softly. “So is this a one time thing then Dyl?”

“I don't want it to be, (Y/N). I did genuinely miss you, y’know,” he mumbled against my lips, and I smiled slightly.

“I miss you too. And honestly, that’s made my evening much better. Thank you Dyl, for giving us a second try.”

“Anytime babygirl. Round two in the shower?”

Bom bidi bom bom bom bode bom Bom bidi bom bom You give me bad, bad love But I love it baby Love me all night long If you want baby, like Bom bidi bom bom bom bode bom Bom bidi bom bom bom 'Cause you're a bad, bad girl But I love it baby Love me all night long If you want baby, yeah

B-b-b-b-bye, b-b-b-b-bye, yeah He tryna bless me like his rabbi-bi B-b-b-b-bye