#nobodyneedstoknow

[the-loverboy-blues]

Does my family know my favorite book has gay sex scenes in it? Nope.

Will that stop me from watching the movie when it comes out? Oh, most definitely...

[goodbyeeveryoneilovedyou]

Coral Blue has a hand kink?

YOU WILL TELL NOBODY

[jamieis88]

Cheeky. #nobodyneedstoknow #pizza #pineapple #lol

[girlrevolt-blog1]

My dirty little secret 👄#nobodyneedstoknow #stopjudging #troubleismymiddlename #wildchild #liveonthedge #itsmorefun #staywoke #fempower #thefutureisfemale #shareyoursparkle #girlrevolt

[saddvamain]

https://vm.tiktok.com/JYbk2aw/

This rly speaks volumes to what a terrifying dogshit timeline we’re living in

[coolchickoutthereb]

https://vm.tiktok.com/JYt4sG1/

Anyone else still have their old Taylor things? I never get rid of Taylor! EVER!

@taylorswift @taylornation

[wolfvenstar]

Fursuits evidently don't count; Scatter! #publicfursuiting #runforit #maskcheck #mindyourdamnbusiness #nobodyneedstoknow #cantcatchme #mallcop w/ @wolfvencomet https://www.instagram.com/p/CFFTk2MpSIB/?igshid=10jidn917cl89

[coffeesugarskulls]

#askaplaguedoctor #plaguedoctor #advice #NobodyNeedsToKnow but #hereweareagain #notmedicalorlegaladvice https://www.instagram.com/p/CDLUcDqjXmy/?igshid=9w56oy36r9q9

[yakelashek-blog]

#oklahoma #oklahomateamrocks #knowmesowell #coffee #pretendcoffee #nobodyneedstoknow #lovecoffee❤️☕️ #truecoworkers (at Four Points by Sheraton Oklahoma City Quail Springs) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq_q2Jjl8sn/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=534uyhxsjd77

[nobody-needs-to-know-that-blog]

A year later- Sept 18, 2016

The day where it all begins to fall apart. Maybe not completely or full on that day but it definitely started.... Actually it started to fall apart during the first week of school.

First week of school i happen to work with a kid that i had class with the previous semester, a kid that i kinda liked and definitely wanted to get to know better. I kinda got to know him better... Not really. My first experience with him, was that he was trying to get my number.... off of the emergency sheets that our boss has us fill out.... he ended up getting the house phone before my actual phone... It didnt help that his phone absolutely hated mine and we literally could not text each other.... 

Well we ended up having a class together that was kinda hard. So we would work on homework and lab problems together. One thing leads to another and we ended up going to dinner with one of his older friends who made a joke like oh is this a date... well i was stupid and kinda said yes? However i still had a boyfriend at that time. During that dinner i literally avoided saying boyfriend. Like i was ashamed of him or something. I wasn’t i never was. I just wasnt the right person for him. I dont know if im the right person for anybody. 

Anyways after that we ended up going to this jazz club thing on campus and we danced a little bit but not much. We ended up talking about his ex. She was there and she was pretty. and she could dance... i have two left feet. Anyways he was still really hung up on her and really wanted to get back with her. Which i completely understood. First “real” girlfriend yeah that happens. But they were two very different people. The dude did drugs and who knows what else. The girl. Very catholic... little miss goody two shoes... kinda like me... till SOMEBODY fucking broke me...

So during that dance we talked about how the older gentlemen had confused the hell out of both of us like there was something between us. May it be sexual tension or just wanting to get to know each other a lot better there was something. Well anyways I was amused but slightly pissed so i ended up printing off a coloring sheet that said “What the lemon scented fuck do you think you are doing?” and it was perfect about what was happening so I gave it to him and he was all im sorry i didnt know i didnt know. It was something that happened. 

More happened in september... i went to my first party... got to drink. That was fun... Ended up worrying boyf because he was like you should be safe and all that other shit. But then was like i guess this is payback for every time i went without you... well i ended up messaging them both and i told the kid i wanted to get to know better that i was jealous of his ex... because she got to date him... While drunk... but i remember everything so maybe not that drunk...

There would be days where he would come over and watch tv with me.. or well force me to watch black books or arrested development ( i cant watch arrested development anymore....) There was even one day where boyf was picking me up for the weekend and kid was leaving because boyf was there.... they didnt meet tho...

That was September... Then October comes around, oh was October was a shit show.... We still hung out every couple days to work on homework together, whether it be in my dorm or at the student center or who knows where. We would hang out. I had been with the boyfriend for over 4 years at this point. 4 YEARS. 4 FUCKING YEARS. actually 4 and a half. Am i done healing probably not. but whatever such is my life.

Okay back to October. First part was slightly uneventful. More hanging out more being with the boys whatever... Well Boyf’s birthday is in October... we ended up going home for his 21st birthday... i was terrified as fuck that he was going to propose to me... I wasnt sure if i could live with him for the rest of my life. I wasnt sure if i could be with anybody for that long.. Before that relationship i jumped from boy to boy to boy and i kinda have been doing that now as well... but i have stayed with this one for a hot minute... I dont know. I push damn near everybody who gets close to me away... It is a miracle that i have anybody who wants to be near me at all... Anyways that is where it also begins. 

I am terrified at the thought of proposal... I didnt want to live with this boy. I didnt want to be married to him. I couldnt handle that. I loved his family. They were more accepting of me than my own family... If they saw me now probably not as much because of the two tattoos and 3 piercings. I have changed.. 

Well anyways we would go to a physics club every friday and we ended up carving pumpkins together... They were cute... I did a pi on mine and it was cute :) i think i may have done an imaginary one im not sure... lol Well anyways dude who isnt the boyf ended up asking me to go see rocky horror with him because his friend was in the shadow cast of it. Oh man was that fun... but then we ended up going to the cast party afterwords which was my second party, and my bestfriends boyfriend was looking after me and was like worried and stuff which was great... Well after the party we ended up going back to his place to hang out because we didnt want to be at the party anymore and they wanted to smoke i think? well we are back there gave one friend a mix of rum chata and fireball ( its call a cumshot....) so that happened. we ended up going to sleep around 5... am... i thought i would be in my own room... nope he ended up sleeping with me which wasnt good but whatever. He had his arm like drapped over me and it was surprisingly comfortable... He wasnt overly hot like boyf had been... It was raining that morning.. The room has like a wall of windows which was beautiful to look at and was great for listening to the rain... Well at one point he ended up kissing me... it was just a peck and he was like inhibitions were gone and thats why and yada yada yada. Whatever he wouldnt have kissed me if there wasnt something there before... Its not a spur of the moment thing..

Halloween i was lilo and he was harry potter... we got pictures together.. I told boyf about it. He freaked out. I felt like shit... I still feel like shit for what happened.

October ended in lots of tears... I basically broke up with him on skype. Ex-boyf at this point was saying that i was the only person for him and that he didnt have anybody else to talk to and that i couldnt leave him because he would be all alone... That isnt what i need.. I am not somebody for him to tell everything to. I was taken for granted and it didnt feel good. It felt amazing to be wanted by somebody who wasnt just going to use me so they could feel better. 

November started with tears and freak outs and all that awesome shit. I would still talk to ex-boyf because i always talked to him but that wasnt much better... i started to take longer to reply and then not reply at all. At one point he ended up coming to campus on a sunday morning and we walked all over campus- to the convocation center and back just talking about the future of us if there was one. I told him at one point that i was going to block him on all social media sites if he messaged me during a week. Because i didnt want to talk to him during the week after i broke up with him. He was worried about me... he missed classes because he felt physically sick and i dont know if he has gotten anybetter.. I was worried about him because he told me that he said he couldnt live without me. But i couldnt be in a mentally abusive relationship... again. 

I had been in one before, ( irony was that it was with his cousin but thats a story for a different time) So yeah that was a thing. 

Anyways thanksgiving rolls around.. i message my cousin saying that i want to do something with my hair. She was like HELL YES!!! she was so excited... I ended up getting highlights done and they looked really good and it felt good to be different. However that change didnt last long. Ex-boyf was like i didnt have my good luck charm this year for hunting so i didnt see anything or shoot anything. He was upset. Im not a good luck charm ain’t no way. Sorry dude.

So thanksgiving is over back to campus. And so begins December. One of my other friends turned 21 as well and we all pregamed and then went to necto.. well i was faking being drunk (i was at one point but not when i was faking it obviously...)but being all i want somebody to cuddle and be with and well yeah... i ended up going to kids dorm, and we ended up watching trainspotting which was fun :) However afterwords i was like there is something between us ( and even as i type this i still get butterflies which fuck you by the way) and i think we both want this but i dont know if you do i know i do and he kept telling me to say it just say it and i was like no its pointless i cant!! and then we kissed again.. and it was great ( FUCK YOU FUCKING BUTTERFLIES AND TINGLES AND ALL THAT FUCKING SHIT) we ended up making out... that was the beginning of December..

And then all though-out December.. especially the weekends we would hang out.. we had our christmas party and we ended up going back to his dorm after and making out during Arrested Development which is why i cant fucking watch it ( well that and its still fucking stupid) 

He ended up spending the night before i went home for the winter break. i was alone and didnt want to be in the dorm room alone... Whatever. but then the first of the year.

Fuck the first of the year. Fuck getting what i fucking deserved. Fuck all of this fucking shit. And fuck that person who texted me when i didnt fucking know who it was. 

I deserved the text message break up. Whatever. I didnt get closure. I deserved it because i gave it. But i still hang out with this kid. Its still not okay. He does this stupid shit that used to be cute... but its not anymore... I still call them boys but i still love hanging out with them... They make me smile... as much as i say i hate this kid and i dont want to deal with him, he can still make me smile.... 

The boys... i like to think they would do anything for me... Its kinda weird now that im dating the other one... its weird that they do the same things... that they both skipped out on the other for me... that i cant just sleep next to them... they have to touch me or kiss me or any of that... 

Maybe its good that im sick... idk

[nycharliebrown]

#checkout my #new #video on #YouTube #nobodyneedstoknow from #thelastfiveyears #link below #boredathomeseries #broadway #musicals #musicaltheatre #jasonrobertbrown #unemployed #pitchy #castme #actor #sing #singer #dream #job #role #nyc #grind #like https://youtu.be/sj47MPogAOI (at Sodus, New York)

[notawordtome]

**Nobody Needs To Know**

Another one today.  It’s becoming apparent that my brain refuses to play nice.  I’m stuck again...I kinda want to crawl in a hole and hide.

But I can’t.  I can’t keep hiding every time stuff goes wrong...but I don’t want to keep burdening Florizel anymore either.  I’ve been so upset and I hate when I get that way.  I feel like such a burden and annoyance, and it’s what I want to avoid now and in our marriage.  I’m such a waste of space.

I can’t concentrate at work, I can hardly get anything done.  I do enough to keep up and get by, but it’s a struggle. I’m exhausted, I’m tired, I’m fighting a losing battle.  I’m at a job I can’t stand just so my Florizel can be provided for.  It’s not even about me anymore.

It’s about him.  Us.

I struggle to even cry anymore.  I’m numb.  I don’t care.  I had thought I was over this hurdle, but here it comes back again.  I woke up this morning feeling good, but it’s a struggle to get through the day.

I keep trying to tell myself I get to see my love tonight, a date/family night just him and me.  It gives me some comfort, I finally break a smile.  I need to focus on that, on getting through the next three hours unscathed.

I just need to not be a burden when I do see him.  I can’t talk about work, or stress, or anything that’s bothering me.  I can’t do it.  I don’t care if he wants to know what’s on my mind, I just can’t do it.  That’s added stress to take care of his family and I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT.

No.  I’m silent from here on out.  Today wasn’t even that bad...just too nerved up from past experiences.  But I’m quiet now. I’ll bear it all, just as my dad did for us.  He won’t know anymore of what I go through because I just can’t put him through that.

I’m sorry, Florizel.  Again. I can’t keep hurting you anymore.  I’ll shut up.  You won’t know...and if you do, it will come with much guilt attached because I know it only hurts you when I hurt.  I know you want to grieve and work with me, but I can’t allow that.  You have enough of your own struggle to deal with to have to deal with mine as well.

...and just like that, the switch is switched.  I’m feeling fine.

[baldheadqueen]

This is kinda my entire life lately. Adulting on 10, God on 💯!!! Keeping Christ at the center of it all is my the key 🔑 to balance and order! 🙏🏾 #Repost @adriennechantel ・・・ to all the ladies in the place with style + grace. 🙏🏽 #iseeyou #nobodyknows #nobodyneedstoknow #aslongasyouknow #youvegotthis #flourish (at Pho 79 Bar and Grill)

[kelseythemelody]

"I made a promise, and I took a vow." | I forgot to post about this last night or today because I was exhausted and went to the aquarium today (pictures of that tomorrow), but my performance of "Nobody Needs to Know" in HP&P'S Miscast Cabaret was such a wonderful experience. For the first time in years, I was confident in my performance and my abilities. Not to say that I haven't been thankful for the roles that I have gotten these last couple years, but...Since my run as The Witch in Into the Woods, I have been rattled as a performer with being not chosen for roles even though I could do them, not being good enough or the right type for roles, or not being the right gender or LOOK for roles, and Miscast let me be...me, a me that could do whatever I wanted. Jamie, while not myself, was one of my favorite characters (and songs) to date, and I am truly happy that I got to do this show and raise my confidence as a performer back up. Here's hoping I can prove my worth in 2017! ❤👌😊 Thank you by the way to everyone that came out to Miscast! Love you all ❤😍😘 #miscast #jamieisover #nobodyneedstoknow #glamshot #iwasmarriedonce #tocathy #buticheated #whoops